HONEYMOON PERIOD IS NOT AN UNREASONABLE EXPECTATION

jan 2 new current year 2017

not sure how alt right this is….ok fairly alt right.

https://web.archive.org/web/20161023161647/http://derekthewolf.com/how-to-make-women-happy-again-by-embracing-nationalism/

only using archive because i dont want to leave a trackback, but i do support the theme of the author, seems like a good goy.

article found on emily youcis retweet

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just trying to embed a darn tweet hahaha

he has good thoughts, just doesnt name the J as the driving force behind cultural marxism

GEEEE I WONDER WHO COULD BE BEHIND THIS.

 

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hmmm not embedding the way i thought it would. anyway she was getting like 2500 shekels a month, like honest bigboy money, and then

https://pbs.twimg.com/media/C1GWJOuXEAAjH6H.jpg:large

no room on jootreon for hate speech, youve violated community guidelines, your page has been removed. nothing about the 2500 dollars. at least one goy was already charged for his 200 dollar a month donation hahahahaha must be nice what does HE do for a living. anyway they better give her the final donations, unban her, or refund the money to the donators. how jooish would it be if patreon KEPT the 2500 dollars?

who made this decision? I WANT TO SPEAK TO A SUPERVISOR hahahaha. and being denied 2500 dollars (and more in the future!) is VERY good reason to speak to a Decision Maker, with a Name!!!!!!

Millennial Woes, YOURE NEXT!!!!!!

dont get me wrong, none of this is surprising in the least, i just thought it was ridic cuz it happened so quickly. i didnt even know who EY was until november. in december i decided hey what the heck, donate tiny amount to her monthly on patreon. january 2017 comes around, eager to see her get my first one feckin dolla dnation, and she is SHUT DOWN on jan 1.

was watching dr phil my fav show, and they had a 38 yo hwyte man who DIDNT WANT TO WORK. he lived with his 91 year old grandfather and made a little money selling car parts and fixing up engines. his sister was furious for his mooching and took him onto dr phil. unfort he did not seem very sympathetic. i missed the first half. i dont know how he helps his elderly grandfather or contributes or tries to offset the mooching.

basically my litmus test for My Alt Right is, how are you on the JQ. That is it. The Final Red Pill. The JQ really is Crossing the Rubicon. and there is no turning back. separates the men from the boys. just as you get a JDar, you get a JQDar to pick up on JPilled people are on the JQ. they either get it or dont get it yet. pretty sure I am one of the privileged few who do get it. of course some people are more “extreme” than me. or at least can argue better and give you more better faster Truthbombs, and would want representing your side in a debate. I am so not that guy hahahahaha. you do NOT want me representing anything in debate unfortunately. wish i were better at that shit but i just freeze up and feel stupid. let the J’s and the marxists walk all over me. does not feel good, man.

so now emily youcis knows my real normie name hahahaha. hope she understands I do NOT want to be doxed in the same way she has been.

i mean people, esp women, don’t understand that its rude to do Spoilers. Maybe they wont understand its more than rude to do Doxing….the ultimate Spoiler hahahahaha. whoops sorry for doxing you, i wasnt thinking.

hehehehe. no im not really worried tho.

greg johnson had a good article recently on the severe violation of doxing

http://www.counter-currents.com/2016/12/dealing-with-doxers/

how can people NOT understand this. how naive can you be. why be a shit stirrer. how can you be a so called WN and NOT understand that using a fake name is NOT cowardly or jooish…..ITS BECAUSE YOU DONT WANT YOUR LIFE PERMANENTLY RUINED, AND THATS A REASONABLE THING FOR ANYBODY.

This is exactly the type of thing a crazy person like sinead would not udnerstand. not that she is doxing WN people. kinda surprised she hasnt!!!!! no, she just shit talks them.

maybe even she instinctively understands that doxing someone is a BRIDGE TOO FAR.

but the comments in the greg article mention a certain CY woman who had a WN radio show back in the pre-alt-right days and she was a “shit stirrer” who called people cowards for not using their real names. i do remember her a little , she had some good content, but yeah i remember her being salty and mean and nasty and shit stirring and nasty to other pro-hwyte people! kinda like sinead. i can’t speak to specific evidence of her attempting to dox people.

women dont even KNOW HOW NOT TO dress like sluts anymore. so if you see a woman dressed like slut, that doesn’t mean she’s a slut. it just means the culture is so degenerate, she doesnt know how NOT to dress like a slut hahahahaha. in regards to super tight pants in public places.

this is just THE NEW NORMAL.

of course, she may well BE a slut hahahaha.

no more than 7 dicks by age 25. assume start taking dicks at age 18, then one per year.

i mean i would PREFER one dick for every TWO years, but you gotta COMPROMISE goy, you cant be so RIGID and JUDGMENTAL. COMPROMISE is the basis of all relationshits.

hey im willing to compromise baby. but lets just agree to agree that

HONEYMOON PERIOD IS NOT AN UNREASONABLE EXPECTATION

to restate the big point from last poast hahaha.

bitcoin still rising. 1027 nao. this is just ridiculous.

sweating guy meme.jpg

gonna take some nyquil or benedryl EARLY today, like no later than 2pm, so i can get in bed by 8pm, have great sleep to get up tomorrow at 515 am and go back to New Job!

my challenge is talking to normies and seeming normie when i have no normie interests. i dont watch tv or movies anymore. those are great ways to talk to normies. its all alt right, JQ, WN, 14 words, neet cure for me. nothing i do is normie. maybe i should go back to the gym cuz that is pretty normie. i can lie and say i’ve been going to the gym. i was going to the gym very regularly so its not a yuge bigly lie.

uhhh cant talk about MJ on the job, but with some normies, yes.

can talk about general current events. ok good. thats another big normie thing. see im not so hopeless and tismal and neet.

pretend i still like movies. talk about muh fav movies.

can talk about drinking pleb tier coffee like folgers and maxwell house, columbian hahahahaha.

using mint to track your personal finances.

playing poker is a pretty normie thing I do actually. i mean bitcoin gambling poker is very weird, but they dont need to know that part!

i do like some tv shows like king of the hill and sometimes bobs burgers and sometimes this cucky neoconnish tim allen show…last man standing.

kinda suprised bjork sold out her song to candy crush saga. she always struck me as a TRVE ARTIST. i mean i dont really CARE. shes a talented hwyte hwoman who deserves to make money for her children. but she’s a degen. her husbando matthew barney is an even bigger degenerate, despite being a handsome montana born big goy. bjork fooked at least one black guy in the 90s. she might fook more black guys now that she is divorced from barney. she prob made more money than him, i mean he was even artsier than her. so why does she need to sell her music nao? well even joo leonard cohen was outjooed by his jooish manager who basically stole all of cohen’s well-deserved money. so cohen had to go “back to work” and i’m glad he did because it gave me the chance to see him live which was a great life moment.

never saw bjork live. id maybe pay 30 dollars to see her in a med sized theatre, good seats. not gonna happen. she could play a nice med theatre, but tickets would prob be expensive AF. really i just wanted her to go in the “gling-glo” direction which wasnt even a technical bjork album, but it was an awesome album.

YOURE WELCOME.

yeah bjork is a degen antiwhite feminist who might as well be a J hahahahahahaha. but she’s NOT. she will never be able to STOP being a hwyte woman.

her mother was a marxist activist and her father was a “union leader”. aka a marxist activist. yep. not much of a chance for the poor young girl not to become a commie weirdo hahahaha.

so sad when hwhytes become marxist communist activists.

so gab is the freeze peach (aka hate speech, bigoted, racism) alternative to twitter. there is a WN Facebook which is not taking off. there is LiberaPay which is supposedly a free speech version of patreon or paypal. but problem is, i’m sure all of these would have a problem with WN and JQ and pro hywte advocates. liberapay shut down andrew anglin, as has twitter and paypal. does it pass the anglin test hahahaha. even TRS (enoch) still has a twitter.

took nyquil, 90% dose, at about 1:30 pm. went for 2.6 mile powerwalk. came in, warmed up, and now at peak of nyquil hahahaha. you want to get the PEAK out of the way well BEFORE you go to bed, so the next day you arent super groggy. so thats my goal.

also in the entirety of 2016 i Bought No MJ. 2015 I sure did hehehehe.

i havent bought or been able to procure MJ in……..over 17 months. yet i am still obsessed with it. well, i did partake in some 4 months ago.

obviously i should look for a FREEZE PEACH version of wordpress because they could EASILY shut me down. terrible.

WHICH REMINDS ME, better back up this blog…..ok done.  export xml file of whole blog.

what about hwyte people who have lived in diverse, violent ghettos…..and are STILL antiracist, say shit like yeah I’ve lived in violent white ghettos and anyone who says you should be “racially redpilled” if you live around violent nonwhites, is full of shit. i lived around violent nonwhites all my life and I KNOW they weren’t violent becuase they were nonwhite, they were violent because there was no opportunity in life except for crime!

these people do exist.i have met them haha hahahaha. well not a shitload of them. i would guess MOST white antiwhites have never lived in the black or brown ghetto. BUT SOME HAVE. dont underestimate them. dont overestimate them either. i guess these would be the worst, because they are THAT willing to cling to delusions, even over their own physical safety, or their family’s. sacrifice your white children to prove that black violence is caused by white racism. the ultimate in virtue signalling.

not similar to my situation except for  was probably “making” her miserable hahahaha because i wanted her and she though this was disgusting.

hahahahah reddit is so non judgmental that they never suggest that a 17 yo gurl being POLY is ridiculous bullshit. i mean any woman being “POLY” is ridiculous , but it seems like clear bullshit when a 17 year old Self Identifies as Poly. Usually they need several solid years of being a cheating whore and College to even learn about Poly and rationalize it as a legitimate thing.

look at him making a damn sandwich out of it. I reap the benefits of her disgusting whore past in SPADES because that means she is really good at secs! but……i still feel creeped out by it. becuase im a horrible person to think you shouldnt fook 60 guys. even by age 35. oh sorry 31.

this guy could be trolling….but for what purpose? to what end? i dont think the gf is wrong at all. porn is gross and bad and you shouldnt like it. well she needs to take MORE of a moral stand against it and also recognize its JQ origins hahahahaha.

what hopefully emily y and women in the alt right realize is, there is a shitload of young men out there who want to get married and have real relships, and we are sick of being crapped on by women, women who want to have their cake and eat it too, who break mens hearts because the women just want to have casual rels, not serious ones. well, there are TONS of men in their twenties – YOUNG men, who want SERIOUS wife type relships. while women in their twenties only want casual relships. then when these women turn 30 and want a husband, they cant get one. because all the good men want to get married when they are in their 20s. and good women realize that. and they get married in their 20s as well. GOOD PEOPLE MARRY YOUNG.

but yeah dont be surprised when men dont want to marry single women in their 30s. 20s, yes. 30s, not so much. women USED to be ready for marriage at a younger age.

it may be getting to the point where the culture DOES change. where 25 year old women do want to get married and not be sluts. good thing i’ll be too old to benefit from that shift hahahaha. the joos literally stole muh YOUTH from me hehehehe.

when i was young all the women wanted to be degens. by the time the culture changes and women want to be nondegen, i will be old as shit. how can a 45 year old man Woo a 25 year old woman?

well, its not entirely UNHEARD OF. plus, if the young women become more nondegen, they might well become open to Creepily Older Men. Benefitting me, hahahahahaha.

somebody needs to go to r9k or /incel HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA actually its not that funny hehehehe.

yep nyquil at 1:30 pm, was nyquil tired a bit after that, planning to go lay down for bed at 8pm, is 742 nao, getting closer

 

HAPPY NEW CURRENT YEAR

 

dec 31 2016

wish saor hadnt shut down the idea of playing moar live shows. i guess its a lot of trouble for him and not worf it. well just play 2 shows a year instead of 4 shows hahaha. dont go on tour ever. just play one off shows every 4,5,6 months. imho he is too good to not play live. also the music is pretty good Live Music because its pretty epic.

great guy this Andy Marshall. Man of the month. probably man of the q4 hahaha. His music gives me feels I didnt even think were possible. reaches me in a way i didn’t think new music even COULD, my heart was closed off to new music. but he has broken through this icebox. GOD BLESS HIM hahahaha.

how did it take me until 2016 to discover this guy. he has been releasing albums every year since like 2009 hahahaha. highly regarded albums.

well, saor has only really been A Thing since 2013.

heh. pulled the trigger and bought the SAOR Guardians shirt

https://saor.bandcamp.com/merch/guardians-t-shirt

which was like 25.33 us dollars. dont want to spend money like a damn negro but…..i think i am ready to go all in with muh boifran andy marshall here. i didnt think new music could reach me but he proved me wrong. keep up the good work lad, heres some money for a sweet tshirt.

go buy one yourself and for your alt right waifu at the link above.

note: saor is not explicitly alt right and is probably horrified and disgusted by white racism like my own. HOWEVER his beautiful MUSIC embodies everything great about huhwhytes. this is exactly what i mean when i say that black metal is inherently huhwhyte. i dont even think you can say “implicit” because it’s a little bit more than merely implicit!!!

i wrote him a 300 character message kissing his ass and cupping his scottish balls about how great and inspirational his music is. because it really kind of IS.

AND he is playing shows in 2017. glad on that. i know shows can be a pain in the ass, but his stuff is too good for him not to play 1 show a year on his own terms. so far he has 3 shows lined up for july. dont want him to burn himself out but this is probably the best time of year for shows. DONT BURN YOURSELF OUT LAD.

of course i love that he is SCOTTISH. and that i was specifically looking for Scottish Atmospheric Epic Black Metal, and he delivered EXACTLY what I was looking for, and THEN SOME. he SURPASSED my expectations when 99.9% of music comes in WAY BELOW my minimal expectations. WEWLAD.

go give him your money hahahahaha. encourage him to make babies with scottish gurls.

that feel when you steal a glimpse of the private parish Prayer List and discover YOU are on there for being “unemployed for 1 and half years.” YIKES. alongside everyone else who is DYING OF STAGE 4 TERMINAL CANCER. pancreatic cancer, stomach cancer, colon cancer, brain tumors, brain cancer, lung cancer, the whole 9 yards. I am surprised the parish is even still around, because it seems like every WEEK 2% of the parish DIES OF CANCER. its insane. looking at this list, it’s like 50% of the parish has CANCER.

and to think i’m right up there with muh 1.5 years of unemployment. hopefully they take me off the list now that i’ve gotten a 13k a year job! hahahaha.

it doesnt feel that serious but in a way it IS that serious. you’re a grown adult, this is what you HAVE to do. make 25k a year or its as bad as terminal cancer.

and I like pity and sympathy, but that almost seems like too much! and i believe in the power of prayer……but i also recognize that its DESPERATE as hell! and i would like to not be that desperate…..but I AM!!!!! and I have become comfortable with my desperation. its become a laughing matter! shit yeah i’m so desperate for a job or a woman that I will take the bottom of the barrel! I’m literally HOPELESS fam, i am beyond all help, better take me to damn LOURDES, i literally need a MIRACLE. there is nothing humans or myself can do to help my situation, i need a damn MIRACLE from GOD.

in a way its like people have thrown up their hands and said “i just dont know what to do anymore. Ive tried everything and im so close to giving up.”

i should have not looked at the damn list. its a private list, not like anybody can see it. and i was on the second page. if i just looked at the first page, never would have seen it.

oh well. that happened. and hopefully within 1 month i will be off the list of desperate dying hopeless people.

new years eve. auld lang syne. thats a SCOTTISH thing. robert burns. RESPECT!

no im not scottish at all, but they are one of my favorite white ethnicities hahahaha. i mean i like ALL whites but some get special recognition by me hahahaha. for me its poles, in some ways all slavs, scands, and now scots. i suspect it will be a lifelong journey of appreciation as i come to appreciate each kind of white in due course.

bought the large tshirt, not extra large, as motivation to keep my body at a large tshirt size. dont want to go back to extra large body!!!!!!

gonna maybe try to “clean up” that live saor thing above with audacity esp for the benefit of the song which comes from his album “roots”…………….which uses a damn drum machine. but the live show is the guy who played on the “guardians” album. plays in this other scottish black metal band with a damn gaeldighd name hahahahaha. that is quite longer than “saor.”

there is another saor live show where they are wearing KILTS, good job lads.

another full show. not sure which one will have better sound. my intuition says the indoor show but i could be wrong. like maybe too much sound bouncing off walls, and outdoors it dissipates.

great guy, yeah ill gladly jerk him off hahahahahahaha. mancrush o clock.

wolves in the throne room, playing show in dec 2016. i thought they were done. i totally respect their music. i totally disrespect their communist, leftist, antiwhite ideology. its such dissonance to get antiwhite ideology with such huhwhyte sounding MUSIC. because for me, its another great of example of Black Metal Is Inherently White Music. but these shitlibs would lecture you for 60000000000000000 hours on why that is so problematic and wrong.

ANYWAY, i think this is a good way to play a show when you dont want to emphasize Your Personal Celebrity. just dim the fook out of the lights so you cant really see their faces.

like MGLA for example plays in these ridiculous hoods. i totally get what they are trying to say………i just think it would be hot and sweaty and uncomfortable as fook to wear that shit in a 100 degree club. just turn down the lights, dim the lights, use blue lights, and nobody will be able to see your face anyway.

later.

welp. lost my 4.00 chip stack at the tables hahaha. thats usually a good sign for me to quit for the day. but because its NYE, i am back in for 4. heheheh. i am not a good gambler. i am down 130 dollars over the past 3 years on Poker Alone. not terrible for 3 years, only lose 43 dollars a year hahahahaha. but uhhh obviously making 1 dollar a year would be much much much better. i am LOSING OVER THE LONG TERM. when i should be winning. even the SMALLEST amount. 1 dollar a year. i can’t even make 1 dollar a year. i made 150 dollars a year on goddamn mTurk.

janu 1

holy shit, patreon just jsut down emily youcis for being pro-white. well….the page is just 404. but i KNOW thats what happened.

https://twitter.com/realemilyyoucis?lang=en

yep thats exactly what happened. maybe twitter will be next.

so in retaliation i sent her a d’nation on paypal.

found my “anonymous alt right” paypal was giving me same error sending to her, as when i tried sending to TRS a few days ago. thought hmm maybe the problem is me.

signed in with my NORMIE, DOXXED, REAL NAME paypal and the donation went though JUST FINE.

PAYPAL HAS SHUT DOWN MY PRIVATE ANON ACCOUNT, FORCING ME TO USE MY REAL NAME.

I do not like that at ALL. How dare they shut ME down just because I wanted to use an anon name with my normie credit card.  I trust Emily Youcis will not dox me, but its just the principle of the matter.

anyway you can find her paypal gmail address on the internet and it works as of today.

Hello Emily, sorry about the pathetically low amount. I just signed up to your (((((Patreon))))) in December, and it’s a shame what they did to that. Hope you find a nice goy husbando and have 1488 babies. Contact me if you have any trouble with that. . . . . . . . . but you shouldn’t. One great thing about Women in the Movement is that I think Women can speak to other Women very well and encourage wholesome, moral behavior among other women. Please get on Daily Shoah or Fatherland. Please record talks with Andrew Anglin and Weev. Please do not become a dumpster fire like Sinead, hahahahahaha. HAPPY NEW CURRENT YEAR!!!!! – alt right pseudonym (please no dox, I think Paypal has SHUT DOWN my “anonymous” account)

here’s the message i sent to HWYTE HWYFU EMILY with my generous 6.16 d’nation hahahahaha.

good lord. bitcoin STILL going up. 993. probably hit 1000. damn. welp, i dont have any more to sell. the end.

YUGE PROTIP LIFEHACK: instead of wearing your scarf wrapped “horizontally” around your neck, wear it “vertically” wrapped about your entire head! so it covers your neck, parts of your face, your ears. makes SO MUCH SENSE and I NEVER thought of it until I saw an old movie on TCM where a guy was wearing a scarf like that.

I am HORRIBLE at stuff like that. thinking outside of the box. unknown unknowns. because i had never seen anyone IRL wearing a scarf like that, so I never even THOUGHT of wearing my scarf like that until I saw it in a random MOVIE.

its REALLY fookin shady that paypal is doing SOME sort of restriction on my alt right account, BUT HASNT SAID ANYTHING TO ME AT ALL. no emails to any of the emails I used with that account, no messages when I log fooking in. At least when WordPress shuts me down they put an unmissable message on my dashboard hahahahaha. and then it is only for going over 99 scheduled poasts hahahahahah. im actually surprised they havent shut me down for “h8 speach”.

but yeah nothing from paypal. no notifications, no messages, just errors whenever i try to send that give no indication of the nature of the error. no doubt they have put me on a list so that i pretty much HAVE to contact them to find out what is going on. flagged. absolutely nothing. the ball is in my court, they are WATCHING me, waiting for me to make the first EXPLICIT move to their more implicit move. DAMN.

yep there it goes, bitcoin just went over 1000!!!!!!! jan 1 2017

anyway. i guess 2016 was a better year than 2015!

yeah it really was.

went the whole year without contacting That Woman.

Went the Whole Year without intentionally looking at Porn. Essentially Quit Porn in Oct 2015 or so.

Lost 35 pounds in 2016.

Got New Job in 2016.

I mean 2016 wasnt GREAT because I was still a jobless neet for 88% of the year.

but it was better than 2015, where I actively had a meltdown/breakdown. Lost That Woman, Lost Muh Job, was so devastated I could barely move. that was 2015. so yeah, 2016 was a LOT LOT LOT better than 2015.

end of 2015, i was BARELY getting over that woman AT ALL.

end of 2016, I was WELL OVER HALFWAY there hahahaha.

something about going through a FULL YEAR without them. january thru december. definitely made real progress.

uh i was good about going to Gym for some of the year, until it got nice outside, then i just went outside. i was actually really good about going to the Gym for the last 3 months of 2015 actually.

was shitty as fook in 2015 about jobsearching. in 2016 I got a lot lot lot better and did 99% of my jobsearch. and eventually got a job before the end of the year. THANK GOD.

uhh accomplished some decent stuff with muh mint personal finance in the last few years of 2016, just being more descriptive with categories, painting a more detailed picture of income and expenses, when i had kinda forgotten about mint for a while. but its really pretty good.

so yeah even though i was pretty much in a Rut for most of 2016….it was still better than 2015. 2015 in general being worse than 2014 hehehehehe. 2015 was a REAL bad year. relative minimum. good to have an….OK year after that. and HOPEFULLY 2017 is better than 2016 cuz i will be working. and hopefully not gaining 35 pounds. or melting down.

sheeeeeit i think i am getting a PRE-COLD. beginnings of swelling and irritation in the throat.  why couldnt i get this a few days ago. didnt even go out and socialize for NYE. watched the degenerates on TV and said get a room, you degenerate phaggots. why dont you just do a gangbang in times square, you degenerate cvm guzzling wh0re.

this is how i always worried i would feel about a woman if i were ever to get a GF. yet i savagely bash women for when they feel this way with a man, the unknown feeling that something doesnt feeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeel quite right, i dont feeeeeeeel haaaaaappppy, and i dont know what it is.

well because i saw women as having terrible intuition and horribly unrealistic expectations, who would dump a Good Man for the shittiest reasons.

and I saw myself as having realistic standards, yet still settling for less out of desperation. and just suffering through a boring, unsatisfying relship because i thought that’s what reality was supposed to be.

when really reality is somewhere in the middle. you SHOULD feel a Honeymoon Period at least for your GF, and she should feel the same for you. after 18 months tops this feeling goes away.

well, for me i could see it lasting 18 months, for women it usually lasts no more than 3 months. but they still get it.

I had that fear ever since i was like 16. then I finally got Honeymoon Feelings for a real woman when I was 20. then another women when i was 21. then another 2 women when i was 22. then another woman when i was 23. then another woman when i was 24. then another woman when i was 26 or 27. then another woman when i was 31. and thats all folks hahahahahahahaha.

so yeah basically yeah i am allowed to have some sort of intuition about a woman, which grants her the right to have some sort of intuition about me, about men, about a relship. but i just think that my intuition is right while theirs is way way way wrong and entitled and unrealistic and stupid.

but the reality is, Honeymoon Phase IS real and I am entitled to expect it with a GF/Waifu, esp if i experienced it with those other sluts hahahaha.  and yeah fine i concede that women are entitled to a honeymoon period of their own. honeymoon period is a standard thing of standard relships.

of course the phag enablers jump on it as a chance to proselytize gayness.

oh dear lord. monty python holy grail. honestly a great classic movie you should watch with your waifu. i have made parallels to my Previous job before, like the two guards in the castle tower with prince herbert, misunderstanding simple instructions.

ok how about when arthur talks to the crazy cackling old man, seek ye the bridge of death, and arthur is increasingly more direct in trying to gain confirmation: this cave, does it lead to the bridge? the bridge, does it lead towards the HOLY GRAIL, yes or no? and the old man just cackles and disappears. kinda reminds me of dealing with my superiors when i was trying to get help from them. I was trying to think 3 steps ahead and trying to pull teeth out of them, imagining possible unknown unknowns, and they would just leave me hanging.

in their defense i dont think they did it intentionally or were jolly about it. they were all run ragged just like me.

anyway. when you have to dump somebody you just dont feeeeeeeeeeeel right with, you BETTER take YUGE pains to dump them as gently and kindly as possible, because they will be DEVASTATED. also, don’t cavalierly mention how they came BEGGING to have you back YEARS later, like this one bitch in the thread mentions. yeah, because you broke his poor heart and he couldnt live without you and you did a SHITTY job of dumping him! RESPECT HIS PAIN!!!! dont just say, oh yeah im so great guys are devastated when i dump them and come BEGGING for me YEARS later, but i know to say no again because it just doesnt FEEEEEEEL Right. its exactly these kind of women that give a bad name to womens intiution and something not feeling right.

basically it was that same feeling that told me i was Really In Luv with a woman. that i had gone all in with her. that made me gamble everything for a chance with her. went all in and lost. i dont blame or hate them. i got over it all. but just saying. i dont want to NOT have that feeling for muh waifu. Honeymoon Period, Infatuation……or TRVE LUV. whatever you want to call it. I dont think it cheapens true luv to call it that. I think women burning out their infatuation oxytocin receptors for cheap cok thrills, that cheapens true luv.

they dont really go all in. i went in. they just want to hit the jackpot over and over and over just by FOLDING. doesnt work that way. you gotta go all in to get the real jackpot.

take it from the losing gambler hahahaha.

well, its good that you feel guilt for dumping someone and breaking their heart. did you try to be gentle to them? are you still leading them on? did you really try your best to end the rel in as mature of a way as possible, using a shrink maybe?

so she hits him with an unreasonable request, he says, ok thats big, but i will try to learn to cope with this, then she gets mad at THAT, and says NO, you dont GET to try to cope with this, you must accept it as final with no expectations. you’re not FEELING the right way about this. holy shit.

thankfully reddit is ok here, and gives him the voice of reason that he is entitled to feel bad about this and she doesn’t get to make him feel bad for feeling bad! jesus christ!!!!!!!! how about YOU make an effort cupcake! how about YOU accept that this is gonna hurt him! you telling him unilaterally that you dont want to have secs with him any more! instead of you getting mad at him for being upset about that BOMB you just dropped on him! god damn!

im glad he was able to overcome his issues at age 30, and get a decent job and aso a 26 yo GF who isnt a huge slut. but now they are having big problems hehehehehe.

check out this SUPREME GENTLEMAN hahahaha enjoy your virginity incel neet loser. think it sucks at 20? wait til youre 30 hahahahahahahahahahahaha.

ANXIOUS ATTACHMENT STYLE. thats what i have.

anxious with possibly avoidant on top of that hahahaha.

because maybe he didnt think his luvly GF was the type of woman who could murder her baby and then think HE was weird because he thought murdering your baby was bad! and she has not grown at ALL since the experience, shown NO remorse, and obviously is the same baby-murdering bitch she was 5 years ago, and probably always will be!

its not BIZARRE at all! it’s horrible that you THINK its bizzarre!!!!!! why not feel even a LITTLE bit bad for murdering your own baby?

hehehehe. you can see that I am strong PRO-LIFE, ANTI-CHOICE. ANTI-MURDER.

if you’re gonna have an abortion……let it CHANGE you. feel deep REMORSE for it. resolve to never do it again. to become a better person. repent for your huge sin. learn that abortion is horrible and you NEVER want to do it again. Become anti-choice and pro-life. not like OP hahahaha.

the fact that you see this as on the same level as having the FLU is DISGUSTING, APPALLING, DISGRACEFUL, ABHORRENT, DEPLORABLE, ABOMINABLE, HORRIFYING. TOTAL MORAL INVERSION. PURE JOOISH EVIL. I BET this gurl is a J

of course, reddit luvs murdering babies so they call the guy an asshole. fook reddit hahahaha.

mention the interesting idea of guys who are “pro choice in theory, but pro life within their relationships.” and then talk about what disgusting woman hating hypocrites these guys are hahahaha. sheeeeeit I hope more of the pro-choice guys are like this. it might be enough to turn them pro-life.

NEVER DATE A WOMAN WHO SAYS SHE IS PRO-CHOICE.

If she asks you if you are pro-choice or pro-life, just say you are pro-life.

ALL pro-choice women are fooked up. They might not be BEYOND REDEMPTION but by GOD it’s NOT YOUR JOB to redeem them. way above your pay grade hahahahaha. you’ve have an easier time redeeming a slut or mudshark than a damn baby murderer hahahahaha. I’m talking about one who wasn’t already on the road to redemption thru her own rightfully guilty conscience. thankfully that happens to a lot of women who murder their babies. they get a rightful guilty conscience about it, and eventually become pro-life and redeem themselves. but half of them don’t, and become evil wimmin on reddit hahahahaha.

anyway dont date wimmin who do not have SERIOUS Moral Reservations against Abortion. NEVER date a vocal, activist, pro-choice woman. if they are undecided that is ok. that means they are uncomfortable with baby murder. as they should be. they are open to questioning the pro-choice bullshit which has been shoved down peoples throats since roe v wade.

you can usually spot the pro choice woman because they will eventually make a pro-choice statement, unprompted, before too long. like oh that woman hater trump is gonna overturn roe v wade and it will be a war on women! that kind of bullshit hahahaha.

Dont be Anti-Life. Be Anti-Choice. Be Anti-Murder.

HUHWHYTE HUHWHORKERS

wed aug 2

looked up the amount of money i spent during muh unemployment and was horrified and disgusted. i am not a big spender! but somehow i spent a lot of money! essentially blew through a Larger Than Average Emergency Fund!!!!!!!!

heh. the hugest expenses were, by far, car related (aka useless shit tier insurance) and going to see the SHRINK. everything else was DWARFED in comparison to that. even going out to restaurants to play my weekly game was NOTHING in comparison to those two things. also the local grocery store / supermarket was a big thing, but thats not surpirsing.

i made 152 dollars on mturk hehehehe.

yep. car insurance, shrink, and grocery store were biggest expenses because i dont have to pay rent like NORMIES because i am a neet. now, the grocery store should involve a lot of stuff that i am buying for the fam, and or gifts for them. spent more on gifts for them .

cant break down the many categories of stuff i bought at the grocery store, which also includes gas, clothes, food, nonfood.

also its funny that shitty, useless, absolutely cheapest car insurance was the #1 biggest expense. and Budget Shrink once a month was a little below that. my biggest entertainment expense, my weekly, sometimes twice weekly game, didnt even come close. or me buying clothes like a madman. spend 488 dollars on clothing. and that was all this year. well from july to dec 2015 i was pretty much completely dead.

i mean i try to “give money to muh fam” whenever i possibly can by buying them stuff, because they refuse to Charge Me Rent like a Normie fam would, like they SHOULD, because not to is to enable muh neetism, so i fight against that by essentially slipping money into their wallet when they arent looking hahahahaha.

https://mint.lc.intuit.com/questions/1136258-trying-to-change-a-category-not-working

this is exactly the kind of tech support my old company would give, the type of “advice” that woman was great at giving. somebody says the feature is not working. tech support assumes the user is doing it wrong, and gives the the “right” steps. this is exactly what the user IS doing….and it is not working. there CLEARLY is a technical issue that needs to be looked at and acted on by the company. but they sit their silent and just imply that you’re doing it wrong.

spent 369 on muh weekly hobby during muh 17 months of shitty neetness. honestly less than i expected. but oh yeah one place doesnt take credit cards. all this data is coming from muh credit card. i do not use cash anymore for this very reason. analytics. data. reports. trends.

took benedryl because i got the hankering to sm0ke MJ…..but of course i dont have any. might have some in jan 2019 god willing. 2 more years. legal MJ hehehehe. hope to get it on the ballot in 2018, where it would PROBABLY pass, but it possibly could not pass. maybe 60 40 odds hehehehe. of passing.

shit i would even be willing to take a TINY dose of mushrooms. but it has to be TINY. i would rather not feel anything than feel anything. because a bad trip is just not worth it. at all. it will put you into a world of panic, dread, emptiness, despair, fear, hopelessness, death hahahahaha. but good trips can give you the opposite of all that. and that is what i am looking for.

always take less of whatever drug it is. you know who tells you to take MORE? druggie degenerates. OVEN YOURSELF.

i am happy i have totally resisted the urge to type that womans name into google and try to stalk her that way. prob find her linkedin and instagram where she is posting images of her fooking negros hahahahahaha. making spelling errors and poor writing on her linkedin for her Tough Stressful Job where she makes a lot more money than me.

her name getting in the News for being so good at her Career she became an Expert. or maybe doing Activism for one of her Causes. or she went back to school, got highest honors, and is getting a Grad or Law degree.

i mean she doesnt have a unique name so when i searched her before all this shit happened, like in oct 14 to june 15 when i was in luv with her, she wouldnt even be on the first 2 or 3 pages of google. just other people with her same name.

now if you search my name on google, you immediately get my linkedin, my twitter, on the very top of the first page, and i am happy with that. but i really SHOULD have many company and skool awards and blurbs about honors and awards ive won, me and my unique name just got promoted, just spearheaded a 50 million dollar project, etc. got married to a beautiful 22 year old gurl, had a 3rd child, bought a house in a 100% huhwhyte neighborhood, etc, getting respect from respected people, etc.

but yeah. if someone wanted to get in touch with me, they could find my email address REAL easy. SHE could find my email address if she just googled muh name. moron probably couldnt spell it right hahahahahahahahahahahahaha. i am so desperate for her to google me, find the email, and contact me. because she blocked my email and deleted it so she doesn’t know what it is anymore hehehehehe. and she desperately wants to apologize to me and luv me, but she doesnt’ know how to contact me. what bullshit. then she could contact at least 2 people we mutually know. or have someone do that for her. or type my name into google. she OBVIOUSLY doesnt WANT to.

WANT. WILL. WILLINGNESS. are you WILLING to do this. this WILLINGNESS is the most important thing. I dont care if anyone ever UNDERSTANDS me. that’s way too much to ask. i would never expect that. i dont even udnerstand myself. i just want them to luv me hahahaha. thats way better than Understanding. I guess LISTENING is important though. but understanding really isnt. i will never complain about being MISUNDERSTOOD. well, except that she misunderstood my motives. yeah that i care a lot about. not being seen as a niceguy who betrayed her by wiating in the wings, waiting to pounce, ulterior motives etc.

benedryl. makes a man tired hehehehe.

dec 24

heh. xmas eve. benedryl last night. was tired. crashed into bed, slept pretty Well, but past 830 am i could not get back to sleep. even though i still felt tired and groggy and sleepy. still do now at 953 am. sleepy but you cant sleep. so i just am thankful i slept a few hours later than muh New Normal wake up time of 515 am.

i was always anti authority. when i was young i disliked and had no respect for my teachers. well the majority of them. some of them i liked. but i never thought, wow, i LUV this teacher, I want to be a teacher when I Grow Up. I said, this is a sucky profession, it attracts mean nasty people, those who cant do teach hahahaha, and those who cant teach teach at my school hahaha. (and the corrolary of this really pretty offensive maxim is, those who DO, cant teach!)

so why bother trying to teach or learn anything. just sm0ke weed all day and jerk off, try to bang sluts.

in high school i had a better understanding and more respect for teachers or teaching. but i knew the teachers in my private skool made way less money than the rich, lazy, spoiled, entitled public skool teachers, who also didnt give any homework and made skool fun and easy for their students, and 16 yo old gurls were throwing themselves at you in these public schools.

but my teachers were men of principle! who would then be a bit autistic, weird, or mean. maybe they were just butthurt they couldnt get a sweet public skool job.

and of course now i understand that public skool teachers dont really do that well, and you either do SUB jobs till you’re 30 years old, or get a job in the absolute worst, blackest, ghettoest district, and those Plum Teacher Jobs are simply going extinct because, big surprise, they cost the schools too much money. fookin boomers hahahahaha. way to kill the golden goose. fookin joos hahahaha. like the scorpion and the frog.

anyway now i appreciate what teachers do. will stand up for teachers against the teacher-haters, which i used to be. while being even more certain that i would never want this thankless, super stressful job.

old school boomer working class HATE teachers because they only work 6 months out of the year, only work 6 hours a day hahahaha, and see it as the easiest job ever.

but basically when i was IN high school and especially grade school, i wish i had more respect for the teachers heheheheh.

still i dont think thats what screwed me up though. maybe it was just my general disrespect for authority. i didnt’ think anyone knew what they were talking about. i know just as well as they do. well no i sure as fook didnt! well what do THEY know, they’re just underpaid losers at this private skool who couldnt get a sweet public school job! their wife left them and their kids hate them!

also i was butthurt that i “had to” go to a private skool with no gurls. cuz i was absolutely OBSESSED with secs and gurls, even more than i am now. truth is, if i had gone to one of those fantasy public school paradises, i probably would have been bullied by the boys AND rejected by the girls, for being an omega male hehehehe.

then i went to college and the “teachers” here were wildly successful. they were professors at a famous university. of course they were respected, their wives didnt leave them. there were shitloads of beautiful 18-21 year old gurls. and i didnt know how to deal with them. i was frozen in fear and couldnt bring myself to talk to them.

yep 33 inch pants would be just perfect. this means i must continue to lose weight until 32 inch pants would be just perfect.

i guess Dr Phil would be a celebrity, well know, famous version of the type of profession i could see myself doing. helping people with their emotional, relship, family, behavior problems.

who are other famous shrinks? dr keith ablow I hear is pretty good. i hear Dr Laura is pretty good although a J.

i guess tel aviv is the party city of israhell. beaches and clubs and all that. 20 year old israeli gurls in tiny bathing suits. who have absolutely no respect for secs as the life creating act. just want to have fun fun fun. and i absolutely would never want to have babies with them hahahaha. shit yeah i would race mix with them. basically any light skinned 20 year old gurl i would race mix with.  would never make babies with.

maybe i want to be like roosh, traveling the world and banging 20 year old sluts. it really doesnt sound bad. i mean i wish more of these white sluts turned him down. all of them. i dont want white women to be sluts and ESPECIALLY not race mixing sluts going for swarthy persians.

i apologize to intuit tech support because i wrote a kinda nasty comment to them on their shitty tech support article where it appeared there was a bug in the program, then right after i read the shitty article and left the nasty comment that prob wont get read anyway, the program started working again. but i swear i was doing it right! what the hell was i doing wrong? it wasnt a complicated process, it was jsut trying to change the category of a transaction. from what it is defaulted to, to something of my choosing. important necessary feature sure.

well i never attack level 1, i basically attack level 2 and above. for letting shitty service continue. for treating customers like idiots. passing the buck and giving me the runaround. i want a level 2 person to tell me WHEN this is going to be fixed. if its a month or 6 months, FINE. just let me know that poeple who CAN fix it are AWARE of it and PLAN on fixing it. dont just give me a patronizing poorly written response telling me what ive ALREADY DONE. do you really think I’m THAT STUPID. again, I know this isnt the level1 person’s fault. really they should just do away with level 1 and make level2 the new level1. essentially meaning, give the level1s about 100 times more training so they dont always seem so damn inexperienced. but yeah thats a thankless job. even worse than teaching hahahaha. its like teaching something you dont even KNOW. forget knowing how to DO. its teaching shit youve never HEARD OF before.

there were people in uni who took about the same ballpark of MJ as i did, and they turned out fine, ie, 6 gorillion times more successful than me, wife, kids, etc. probably the alcohol did more damage than the MJ. but the MJ did do damage too. because i would rather sm0ke MJ than attack my schoolwork aggressively. i wasnt so much shirking muh skoolwork to DRINK. but i did binge drink a lot on occasion. i honestly do think i did more stupid destructive shit because of MJ though. yeah. actually the MJ i think did more damage than the alcohol. at THAT time. but AFTER uni, the alcohol def did more damage than the MJ. now i dont drink any more and I Romanticize MJ and put it on a pedastal like it was a perfect waifu.

even though its obviously NOT! it makes me paranoid and anxious and panicky and nervous and awkward and lazy and neurotic and jooish and weak!

ive never had a royal straight flush or a nonroyal straight flush but i have had quads quite a few times. is that normal?

got ghoul surf the kali yuga shirt in mail on dec 24. i did not “need” it by xmas and I would rather the poor USPS slaves not slave on xmas eve, xmas day, or saturdays, or sunday amazon deliveries. or midnight shifts at the PO. or split shifts. or PSEs or casuals. i would pay more in shipping for those things.

i should join heimbachs traditionalist workers party because by god am i SERIOUS about Workers Rights, but also by god am I SERIOUSLY against all the leftist marxist jooish revolutionary commie SHIT The Labor Movement supports. I mean they are the leftest of the left and that’s very disappointing. it should not be that way. and maybe A True Populist Movement can give a better way than that.  right wing, traditionalist, JQ Aware, Huhwhyte Huhwhorkers.

all time, i have given 155 dollars to alt right causes. this includes tshirts which should PROBABLY be split because the entire cost of the tshirt does not go to the alt right guy, not even half, it goes to the jooish tshirt company. well, at least the company that does TRS’s tshirts is not jooish at all, and I wrote them a note with my order complimenting them for this.

anyway the size L ghoul shirt fits fine. i was worried about moving down from an XL tshirt to an L. DONT BE. just dont gain the god damn weight back.

hmm bitcoin peaking at like 890 dollars. quickly gonna sell 20 usd worth. buy low, sell high. and it is high. peaked and starting to come down. ok sold 25 USD. makin monay hahahaha.

going into mint and categorizing and recategorizing a bunch of shit.

http://www.tradworker.org/platform/

pretty good outlining of a political and MORAL platform hehehehe. dont know if heimbach is still involved here. welp there is nothing on the site for dnating.

 

 

BABOON BRAINFRAME

dec 18

finished chapin book. if i weren’t already a LIFELONG FAN, it probably wouldnt convince me of anything, i wouldnt like the book, i mean it was a pretty flawed book with its kinda rough writing style, missing important points, or maybe that was just him leaving the reader wanting more. i mean if he wants to self publish short books every year, ill damn buy them! MGHOW was worth it for telling personal stories which he never used to tell in his videos (when i used to watch ALL his videos at least.) dirty degen details of his secs life, the women he dated.

now, i want to know more about his ex WIFE. in this book he also talked for about 1 page about going to grad skool and becoming a Skool Psychologist. I would like a whole chapter or book on that.

he mentions his mother was a clinical psych for 30 years and had a practice where she largely had Neurotic Career Women as clients. His Mother Knows Women.

This is HUGELY interesting and Uncle Bern should write a book on women with his MOTHER. He needs to talk about his Based Mother a lot more and how she helped him understand women.

maybe involve his mother or sister in his videos or books. especially the mother. i know she is still alive and he talks to her regularly. She sounds like a Red Pilled Woman who Bern actually respects and with good reason.

i am considering writing a review on the amazon page. i know Bern really appreciates that. i might identify the review with muh alt right username. which I am NOT using on this page because even though this page talks about alt right a lot……..i still dont want to come out to the alt right as saying i am the alt right NEET OMEGA LOSER who writes the alt right neet omega loser blog whining about women and being a neet loser.

i mean haters could probably put two and two together, but i dont want to give it to them on a silver platter! i mean they could definitely do it.no doubt. im talking about my alt right nonneet username being connected with my alt right neet username here. never does muh real life identity being doxxed enter in. of COURSHE i have opsec of the utmost priority on that.

going to go for powerwalk at 1pm today. sunday. sunny but cold. need to use boots hehehe.

made 5 ovenburgers on today sunday. put them into little baggies with cheese and buns and put them in freezer. good 2 go.

did 1 load of laundry. medium sized. shirts and pants for job. done.

yesterday did 1 load of laundry too. drawz and socks and hats and gloves and dark stuff.

previous day did 1 medium load of laundry, all white t shirts only.

yesterday made 20 cigarets. trying to do that every saturday night. make 20 cigarets even if i only smoke 10 during the week. then put the 10 into a separate bag. i like having a big bag o cigarets in case i run out of pre rolleds.

also smokin 10 cigarets a week is not bad.

Bone Zone SHUT DOWN from youtube! i knew it would happen but that was less than 1 month. wow just wow.

I mean i always kinda liked ghoul, thought he was a little hard to listen to, but once he showed his handsome face i liked him 148800000000 times more. spent 25 bucks to buy his tshirt. he is a good goi, dindu nuffin.

1.4 mile powerwalk in snow. 20 degrees. not bad. i will go outside when its 20. not so much when it is 10. and it has been closer to 10 for a while.

took a benedryl at about 1:30pm to force myself to go to bed early tonight, get up.

emily youcis was a real degenerate, smokin MJ on camera, wearing incredibly skanky clothes on camera with her tits and ass hanging out, being a singer in a punk band. you KNOW she has done some degen shit during that time. drinkin, smokin, fookin the dirtiest randoms raw dog, taking it up the ass by guys she just met.

but i still accept her because when you come out as pro-white, using your real name, you are pretty much recanting your degen past, because everyone will turn against you. you will lose friends and fans. you will find out who your real friends and fans are.

i guess a similar thing could be said for evalion….but she didnt use her real name. well, her real FIRST name she did use. and then within 6 months her real last name was out there. but not sure what she is doing.

i would give evalion 1 dollar a month if she wasnt buddy buddy with sinead and they didnt call mill woes a degen phaggot. god damn. MILO is a degen phaggot. or prob jack donovan. but mill woes has repented for his gay past! and I’ll give him the benefit of the doubt and assume this gay past is very very minimal. like evalion or sinead never did degenerate shit. they did more degen shit than MW. pot and the fookin kettle here. i am willing to forgive both women, but they make that hard to do when they attack one of my favorite guys. these people usu are the same who hate andrew anglin and TRS and spencer too. its so stupid. they were the ones who started this stupid infighting. and they are usually k1ke on a stick christian haters too. hmmmmm. also are purity spiral as fook. i dont like that varg seems to be closer to these guys. but we are a bunch of degen, k1ke enablers, phag enablers, degen, milo luvers.

heh. i wonder which side emily will gravitate towards. the dramatic women side, or the less dramatic phag joo shill side hahaha.

i dunno. i just think that a guy who had one gay experience, says ok, got it out of my system, i dont like that, is less degen than a woman who has 6 gorillion casual straight experiences!

like casual degen gay sex just seems more honest and transparent about its degeneracy, ie, there’s absolutely no other reason to have this except for degen gay hedonistic pleasure. there is no way this could ever create new life. it was never even on the table. you don’t have to take steps to prevent it. it just cant happen.

so yeah its inherently perverted….but i think equally perverted is using Birth Control so much and having So Much Recreational Sex, that you FORGET that this is the process that creates life!

dec 19

heh. spent hours at home doing a job related project because i was slightly ashamed about not finishing it by the time i left. dont want to disappoint the team. so i finished it at home. i dont want to do this every single day but i did really want to finish this before tomorrow morning. and i did. i mean i had to Streamline My Process because I had never done any of this before so it was slow going. at least now i could do it faster if needed. and i made some super in depth documentation. they might not appreciate all the details. too much they’ll say! well ok i’ll scale it back in the future. had a very relaxed stress free day today, including a 2 hour meeting that was more like a training class. didnt need to impress anyone or explain shit or sell shit. but i got more actual work done at home than i did while i was there.

office holiday lunch tomorrow, i was going to use today to prepare my witty banter, and failed to do that!

was so cold today could not do more than a 15 minute powerwalk.

still kind of sound like an autistic, spaghetti pockets moron when i talk to people, even just small talk! so frustrating.

I mean I try to be nice, I think they can see that i am trying to be nice and friendly and open and polite, but i am just a little socially awkward hehehe. i mean come on there are a few slightly awkward introverts in the office in addition to me!

dec 20

holiday lunch today. spent all yesterday finishing this “project” draft rather than preparing witty, charismatic banter to impress all 15 people in the department. ran a little late from office to restaurant. apologized profusely. only spot was sitting right next to My Direct Manager. he is a really good guy and I am grateful I can say that and it’s the truth. the majority of people don’t have a manager like that. I could TOTALLY get a Good Recommendation from this guy IF I do a good job AND I Just Darn Talk To Him!!!!! He is always in a good mood and laughing at his own jokes. I kind of like this. not in an arrogant way but more like he is genuinely a Jolly Man. He has more than a Semi Charmed Life and he KNOWS it and he is thankful for it. he has a great Career, he’s highly educated and working in a field he enjoys, working on a PhD in his field, from a good school, has a not-ugly wife and more than 2 young children. and good people skills, gets along with everybody, makes everybody feel comfortable. also he is tall and fairly handsome. but pretty down to earth and not arrogant. but not underconfident either.

yes i stalked his wife on linkedin and google. yes uncle bernard, i have NO BOUNDARIES hahahaha. (uncle bern is appalled that All Women have No Boundaries and are always GOOGLING people, he finds that crazy and rude. I see where he’s coming from….but dont you want to know about the people you work with? of course bern, or any normie would say……….JUST TALK TO THEM ABOUT IT.

I mean yeah I DO, I just use the online stuff to supplement and jog memory. To add to my notes. I can’t remember were so and so went to college, did they go to x y or z, i forgot what he said his wife does, how old his kids are, etc.

i felt a little bad because i was nervous and not contributing to the conversation like a normie. not very charismatic, not very witty. this is the downside from having a Rough Three Years. you don’t have anything interesting or positive to say.

or, in general, stories about yourself and your life. you dont have anything you can talk about but all your years of failure and rejection and giving up hahahaha. and you know you shouldnt talk about that! so what DO you talk about? your interests in Huhwhyte Nationalism, Alt Right, black metal? these are professionals with masters degrees making over 50k a year who go to ANTI-TRUMP protests and pro-hillary protests! and they’re gonna listen to the new, underachieving new guy on how their whole Weltanschauung is wrong? sheeeit. im the one making 13k a year, with no wife or kids, they’re making 50k a year and have a house, wife/husbando, and kids who are going to college and will prob be successful too, unless they fook up in college like I did!

so thoughts like this make it difficult to make small talk in big groups at lunch hahahaha.

i mean no ones asked me why i didnt get a masters degree, and if they do, i’ll once bitten twice shy, i wanted to get more working experience first, so i could determine what is the best masters degree to get. i just want to become competitive and work really any of a range of possible jobs. i like counseling but i honestly dont think it would be useful for me to get a masters degree in counseling. because i want to help white neet men and white marriages. not be a social worker to black thugs. i can’t TELL people that though!

i mean its similar to how people who want to become teachers have to start out their first few years in shitty black schools. people who want to become cops have to start out first few years in shitty black cities. its called PAYING YOUR DUES, its NORMAL.

so why aren’t more normies red-pilled on race then?

because they’re DOUBLING DOWN.

the teachers much moreso than the cops, hahahahaha.

every day children are taught to hate? klan families with kids wearing trump shirts. come on. there are about ten people tops in the klan in the US, and they don’t really HATE negros. They just want an end to forced diversity and forced anti-whitism. they want to be around other whites and have their children mate with other whites and not to live in dangerous nonwhite shitholes. they want a strong, safe community. they dont HATE anybody. they just dont want their white daughters having brown babies. stupid a&e commerican for “generation kkk.” really trying to hit people in the feels.

there’s like 5 people in the KKK in 2017 hahahahaha. COME ON.

do a show about the alt right. well, then they would spin it the same way their spinning spencer. a big part of the alt right hehehehe. but like in the atlantic piece, spencer looked pretty GOOD. I could see that actually REACHING one undecided person.

tok benedryl today at around 2:30 pm. got a sleeping mask as well. try that out. also got a tape measure for body to get exact measurements. waist: about 34 inches. chest: about 39. leg: ideally, 27 or 28. total manlet hahaha.

got any 33 27 pants hahahaha

but yeah i like having this. just so i know what muh actual body actually IS. of COURSE clothes makers are WILDLY inconsistent with their measurements. i need to know where to START though. 32? 33? 34?

dec 21

http://www.theblaze.com/news/2016/12/20/white-guys-offered-new-years-resolutions-from-ultra-liberal-mtv-news/

mtv new years resolutions for white guys, getting some coverage right nao

http://dailycaller.com/2016/12/19/mtv-offers-up-new-years-resolutions-for-white-guys-video/

http://www.vdare.com/posts/mtvs-new-years-resolutions-for-white-guys-a-response

white racist site vdare actually high in the news results hahahaha

http://www.breitbart.com/big-hollywood/2016/12/19/mtvs-new-years-resolutions-for-white-guys-stop-mansplaining-stop-saying-woke-blue-lives-matter-isnt-a-thing/

wow, would ya get a load of the khazar milkers on that

dec 21

went to lunch with old colleague i had not seen in a long time. the person who is very nice and kind to me. acts as a reference for me. mutually knows both me and…….That Woman. we actually had a very good and animated talk, no autistic silent moments, like no time had passed, and, i was kinda pleasantly surprised, we did not talk about That Woman at all. our colleague somewhat likes the gossip. i kinda expected them to say SO……whatever happened between you and that woman? and i was fully prepared to take the high road, but still be honest, and say yeah that really really sucked for me, i was really upset for a long time, it’s still sad, it’s just SAD, i was stupid but she was stupid too, i was so disappointed, i wish she tried a little harder to Euthanize Our Rel With Dignity, but oh well, life goes on, i understand why she did what she did, she’s still a good person, I wish her well, I forgive her, I’m not mad at her, I’m getting over it.

but didnt even have to say any of that.

of course at the same time i secretly hope the mutual friend will contact That Woman and say guess who I saw, he’s doing well, he got a new job, come on you should have been a little nicer to him. heh. and then i would totally Accept her. even though she’s older, probably fooked 20 badbois in the past 1.5 years, maybe had a baby, maybe had some abortions, maybe got more experience in being a horrible person and casual secs and throwing people away and acting like a baby. AND being more successful at me in job. being TOUGH. saying fook you we cant help you, i am the manager and i’m saying GOODBYE, we dont have the TIME to fix your unreasonable demands, it’s not WORTH IT to us.

that she was able to TOUGH IT OUT through tough personal times, and tough job times, and just ignore me like I was nothing, and tough it out on a job I was struggling so much with, and tough it out for SO much longer, AND bounce back from a layoff super quickly, into another high stress job where you have to be tough, but you probably get paid a slightly above average (avg being 27k a year) wage as compensation. and i cant tough it out well enough as an average normie, to make an average wage.

totally SMITING me AND then going on to do WAY better at life. insult to injury hehehehe. and its not intentional. and intent does absolutely matter. it was just extremely painful………………………..for me. hehehehehe.

i just hate doing the wrong thing. i hate thinking i might do the same wrong thing in the future. make the same mistake again because i will be a COWARD again. its not that i didnt know what I should do, what I should have done was obvious even at that time! I just didnt have the courage to say it. so my mistake was not having enough courage. not acting with courage in a timely manner.

is that really such a god damn CRIME? i think other people would have been more forgiving of that. it was just a fookin PERFECT STORM, a perfect shitstorm. worst possible thing at the worst possible time.

fooking peloton commerical. i want to bang the rich skinny mom. i want to bang the tuff gurl robin the peloton instructor. i am not going to go easy on HER hahahahahahahahahahahahahaha.  but my main concern is, what is this womans CAREER to be living in that HOUSE??????? clearly ivy league graduate degree, near-c-level management in a fortune 10 company hehehehe. all those women like to work 100 hours a week then exercise 50 hours a week because they know they still need to have a perfect body hahahaha. then they neglect their family and their kids grow up to be school shooter neet virgin druggie burnouts hahahahahahaha. at least they can afford their drugs with their mommys money. careerbux hahahaha. fooking peloton. fook peloton. stupid word. stupid shitbike. fook it.

hehehe the colleague gave me a nice pastry/cake/sweets and i ate a chunk of it and it turned out to have like 450 calories in it hehehehehe. oyyyyyy veyyyyyyyy. they are the kind of nice person who always brings in treats and snacks and donuts and sweets and buys people lunch. my god. that is how i became acquainted with her, because she was always NICE to me, and I really do appreciate that kind of stuff.

heh. that was how i became friends with That Woman too, who was nice in a similar way. damn i miss that. yeah its NO SURPRISE at all that i got feelings for her. a pretty young gurl being VERY NICE TO YOU. the only thing that’s SURPRISING was that I didnt fall in luv with her SOONER! but that was HOW MUCH I respected peoples relationships, that i had NO desire to interfere or fook up her relship, that I didn’t let myself get feelings for a Taken Woman. but once she was not taken, and i let myself get the feels, the HORSE WAS OUT OF THE BARN and it wasnt ever gonna go back in. HOW IS THAT SO HARD TO UNDERSTAND? it isn’t. i dont think any reasonable adult would find that hard to understand. sheeeeit, even SHE probably UNDERSTOOD it. she just didnt want to face a tuff situation in order to do me one last favor. just back out and do the irish goodbye hahahahaha.

whats funny is that i have done the irish goodbye many a time when I was a drinker. but that was different. I was just leaving social events quietly, not Terminating entire relationships!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!11

i just like the term irish goodbye hahahaha.

also you just CANT pull an irish goodbye on a real relship of 2.7 years. thats not what it is, thats not how it works. it’s just sneaking out of a large-ish PARTY when you are too drunk, tired, or awkward to say goodbye in a POLITE manner like a NORMIE. its super MINOR. Abandoning a relship needs a different term altogether. How about “abandonment” or “abandoning a relship.”

which is what i thought “ghosting” was. but thats a stupid word too and i think it works better with the minor semi faux pas of an irish goodbye!

so yeah. 90% of the time i did it, i was falling down drunk, shouldnt have been even LOOKING at a car, and probably didnt want anyone to try to stop me from driving. YIKES. glad those days are GONE. at least i became a better person than THAT.

maybe i was blazed af on MJ? thats a little better.

was listening to this middle class man tell his story, i guess he would be one of our “customers” or “clients” so I tried to help him for 2 minutes and practice my bullshitting on a system i knew even less than he did, and he was so gracious and nice, and was like you guys have such patience to work with people like me, and i was like hey just doin our job, thats what were here for, glad to do it, i’m just glad you dont have an emergency right now and youre screaming at me to fix it, and I don’t have a goddamn EXPERT in the next room who is basically twiddling his thumbs waiting for something to do! and then I grab him he helps you and I watch and learn along with you.

the “client”/internal customer might be one of the 15% who dont have a masters degree, but he has plenty of Industry Experience in a Bigass Fortune 10 company. kinda autistic but just really really nice. I appreciate that.

he talked about his son and daughter. he convinced his son not to go away to college. he sat him down and showed him spreadsheets and convincing calculations that the son could save at LEAST 50 grand by living at home and going to the cheapo college. that the College Experience wasnt WORTH 50 grand that you would struggle to pay back.

the kid listened. he lived at home, worked 60 hours a week in a Machine Shop, did associates at cheap college, then finished Engin Degree at local univ, all while living at home, working full time, doing many many classes online. now he is an engineer making damn good money with a wife and kid and dogs. about 148800000000000 times better than me.

like i bet he made more money at the machine shop than i am right now. and 60 hours a week. AND doing engin classes. the father said i would go by his room at 4 in the morning and be like WHACHA DOIN SON and the son was like i got an assignment due at 6 AM!

point is, kid had a great work ethic!

another guy tried to convince HIS son of the same thing, showed him the numbers, said here’s what you’ll have to pay back, taking a real unflinching longterm look at finances in other words, you can save a LOTTTTTT of money by going to cheap local college for 2 years, THEN you can transfer to finish your degree at State Univ. it doesnt say podunk redneck college on your diploma! and the kid fought him and say no i want to go to state univ right out of high school. well, at least this kid is going an engin major!

well at least he is probably getting some prime college poosay!!!!! 18 year old QTs! this is a party skool after all. All my life i will regret not being able to bang 18 year old 9/10’s like he is doing no. sheeeeeeeeeeeit thats WORTH 100 grand, isn’t it?

probably, because that instills you with confidence that will last you a LIFETIME, and then you will prob be successful in life, and MAKE 100 grand to pay those loans back, be a winner chad normie, have GFs and a wife and eventually children. because you banged some 18 yo QT’s while in college which gave you MASSIVE CONFIDENCE. BABOON BRAINFRAME.

OR, you could just get rejected, or just not even really try, and get super frustrated because you see 14880000000000000000000 perfect qt’s a day and you have never been with one. or if you have it was just for 2 days then the door was shut hehehehehe. and still pay the 100 grand and come out with no confidence, no skills, no charisma, no value add, no women, no charm, no grace, no game.

im glad im not in a univ town where i would see 60000000000000000000 18-25 yo qt’s all day erry day. i used to be. it was RIDICULOUS. it’s bad enough if i see a handful of Young Sluts when I go to the MALL twice a year. no thank you. TRIGGERED.

i know of a local skool where there are a good number of young qt’s. right out of high school. 18-20 years old. but half of em arent huhwhyte. this is triggering in a different way. but actually less painful I think! than seeing tons of young white women. that hits even harder on the lizard brain. but yeah race matters too. but i have some power in that. i feel empowered by contributing 10 dollars a month to pro-white people hehehehehe, empowered in a way i dont feel when dealing with young qt white wimmin. maybe if i gave THEM 10 dollars a month they would stroke muh ego. hang out with me and be nice to me and interested in me hahahahaha.

i might not be able to have white children of my own, and i see me donating money to Alt Right and Pro White as doing whatever I CAN do to help The Cause, The Movement, My People, My Race, the future of my people and our children, even if they are not MY children directly.

to be fair i am dnating 2 dollars to people that are NOT explicitly pro-white. they haven’t crossed the rubicon yet. but they are white conservatives hehehehehe. who are not anti white even implicitly. i would prefer that they be explicitly pro white. would get me to up muh donation hehehehe.

white conservatives get 12 dollars a year, pro white white conservatives get 20 dollars a year hehehehehe. upmost tier gets 25 a year. weev, andrew anglin, TRS, mill woes, fatherland.

well COULDNT i do MORE good by just donating MORE money to ONE source? save all muh donations for TRS? maybe that will push them over the edge into……what exactly. they are already on a good path.

i am even gonna give 5 dollars to foreveralone george feels.

lena dunham goes into the oven hahahahaha. you wish you had abortion. you WOULD. i’m more surprised by the fact that shes never HAD an abortion. i bet the lying jooish bitch is LYING. i bet she DID have abortions and is trying to portray herself as some innocent “normal” woman. close your legs you damn evil satanic wh0re. we dont need any more of your kind in this world. actually she prob SHOULD abort her evil SATAN SPAWN. but not even fox joos will tell you that shes jooish. NORMIES think shes WHITE. they think that fat pig amy schumer is white. this is how blue pilled normies are on the JQ. and why the JQ is such a bigass mindblowing game changing thing. it changes you hahahahaha.

and i am HAPPY that so many YOUNG people are hip to the JQ, even if semi-jokingly. hell yes you can have fun and make jokes with it. but i think they honestly GET IT too. its IMMENSELY powerful to have YOUNG people understand the JQ. I didnt get it until I was……i dunno at least 28 years old. I mean I was aware of joos and calling people k1k3s when i was 22, and knew j00s were scheming and greedy and evil back then……..but I didnt REALLY understand it. i wasnt even reading stormfront or vnn, and there wasnt any alt right or /pol for me to read. no pepes, no memes. no trs, no weev, no daily stormer, no /pol, no greg johnson, no richard spencer. what a sad world hahahaha.  im not even sure if there was reddit. the best thing we had was heartiste. who is honestly pretty GOOD. he is pretty good on the JQ. but was he back THEN? prob not as much.

i did get into greg johnson around 2012 though hahahaha. didnt i do my amazon timeline recently???!??!?!?? well i was reading and listening to greg and counter currents WELL before I bought his book.

2012: mindweapons, counter currents, and eradica did it for me. they converted me hahahaha. and david duke. THANK YOU hahaha. oh yeah i should donate to counter currents prob eh.

i dont expect ANY woman to understand this. I just want a woman who is instinctively REPULSED by being with any race other than a white man. I want a woman who has never BEEN with a nonwhite man, WOULD NEVER EVEN THINK OF IT without disgust. And I honestly think there are a goodly number of these women out there, they just wont tell it on the mountain in front of their friends for fear of being called you-know-what.

 

BEING SENSITIVE IS ALWAYS A NET LOSS

dec 1 2016

had a dream last night about an old friend from my college days that of course we drifted apart, but he was a great guy and i hope he’s doing well. he was both one of the smartest guys i ever met, and also very principled and moral and a good moral person. he was also funny and hilarious and had great social charisma. he was also a very good musician. i had a total mancrush on him and was flattered that he seemed to like me. he had a very great personality and with that personality could probably get any woman he wanted, but physically he was kinda short. he was in great shape though, stayed very active with exercise. i guess he was pretty good at basketball too. well he certainly liked to play it a lot. he was pretty much responsible for introducing me to tom waits. he was fun to drink with and was no square there, but obviously he didnt drink so much that he couldnt be a winner at life. he was going for a phd in cultural marxist frankfurt skool bullshit and i was so impressed by the Brainy Intellectual stuff he read and wrote, that I was so stupid it made no sense to me, all this shit about reifying and rhizomes and deleuze and guattari and lacan and derrida and foucault and badiou and bordieua and baudrillard and adorno and barthes and mcluhan and zizek and all that ((((CRITICAL THEORY)))) stuff.

I had no idea that it was total jooish poison. I’m not sure that he did either!

So, with that perspective, it’s kinda troubling that such a good, solid guy would make his career in something so awful and poisonous. because when you’re young, that shit impresses you because it makes you sound really really really SMART. I actually knew a couple people like this. I had another friend in that same department who was similarly a very nice, charismatic, smart, principled, moral, solid man. they deserve better than this jooish bullshit.

anyway i hope they are both doing well. they are both great guys and I will never forget them. i just dont get the critical theory, cultural marxist, frankfurt school, jooish bullshit.

anyway back to the first guy. he could have had any woman he wanted despite his short stature because his personality was so great. BUT, interestingly, his fashion style was very scrubby, like a damn neet virgin. he could have cleaned up VERY well, but DIDNT. he had long greasy hair and a long wispy “beard”. he probably did not shower enough. this was not from a lack of confidence, but just because he was really that much of a “free spirit artist”, as well as a very smart articulate academic intellectual, as well as having pretty damn good social skills. not an awkward autiste whatsoever, but every bit as high iq as an autist. he just LOOKED like a homeless person hahahahaha. now I think after he finished his phd he started presenting himself better hahahaha. which is good, he was not ugly.

and because he had such a good, strong personality, he could get GFs and had been in several long term monog rels. I don’t think he ever did too much degenerate shit with women. never a “player”, never a womanizer, never open rels, and oh good lord I forgot he was CATHOLIC too!

anyway in the dream he’s like, we gotta watch this movie, it’s great. and I was like great, I like your taste, if you say its good, im sure its good. i mean he did/does have good taste in movies and music and books.

so we started watching this movie that was some 1970s french or italian “art” degeneracy like godard or pasolini. Which I NEVER really liked that kind of artsy fartsy movie, and now I like them even less. because of the jooish degeneracy embodied in them. the opening scene had a bunch of big women with big breasts but also huge erect dicks dancing around like the wild androgynous men/women of borneo. the scene went on for way too long. then the movie went on to tell this artsy, intellectual, elaborate story of how Whites were the Cancer of the Human Race, Whites were evil, whites are all oppressive, horrible natsees, and telling this story in a very artsy, college bourgeois phd sort of way, that you could feel real artsy and intellectually superior.

so my friend asks me what i think and im like oh great, this great guy I admire really likes this antiwhite bullshit, and he’s a brilliant guy, way smarter than me, theres no way i could convince him that whites are great, i mean i cant believe such a smart good awesome guy BELIEVES this bullshit! this could really complicate our Frandship!

And I was like well i dunno, i usually like your taste but I never liked this weird new wave godard pasolini shit, I mean its just too much for me, i mean come on, giant dicks, its just too much for me.

i did not mention the whole antiwhite message. that would be a lot harder to talk about with him.

anyway that was the dream hahahaha.

i never did talk to him about whiteness. but he was a great white man. and he did finish the phd i THINK. im sure he’s still a great guy, i just hope he doesnt spend too much of his career talking about how bad whiteness is.  and white = evil. he got along with nonwhites very well, which i think his family had some nonwhite foster children in their home. now for weev that helped weev become race conscious because the nonwhite children sucked. my friend, i guess his nonwhite foster “siblings” werent so bad. well good for him then hahaha.

i dont want to dox the guy hahaha.

but yeah what would HE say about the alt right, or whiteness? would he be a terrible shitlib saying that anyone who uses the term “cultural marxism” is a crazy, white, racist conspiracy theorist. cultural marxism is not a real thing.

i never read any of his papers. well i think i read a few pages at the time, and it made no sense. i dont remember anything about whiteness. maybe some stuff about signifiers and reification.

so i could easily look up his papers NOW and read them and probably get a sense of what he thinks about whiteness, right?

yeah probably! and im not sure i WANT to !

it was also funny we never really talked about his skoolwork that much, he never talked about it, and he also didnt seem to spend much time on it. he seemed to have PLENTY of free time to hang out, watch movies, go out, be social. i thought phd students were supposed to be chained to their books and work 80+ hours a week!!!!!! but not him!

so was he a bad student? maybe, but its kinda hard to be a “bad student” and get into a All Expenses Paid PhD program at a Very Good Skool. i mean thats how smart he was.

shit i would have liked to hear him teach a class, or do a phd defense especially. i know eventually he started teaching undergrads like most grad students did.

anyway he was/is a great guy, i wish him the best, but i also want him to have white children! he would be a great father of course.  there is a risk that he might marry a nonwhite woman though. although when i knew him, all his GFs were white women.

ok heres whats interesting. some white people go into an Urban Public School full of poor blacks and they become redpilled on race, like yep once i saw the real world, i knew that blacks and whites are very different.

and other whites say i became even MORE committed to education because i saw how precious these poor black children were, they were every bit as smart as anybody else, they just need better resources, opportunities, education, etc, so ive spent my life really trying to help these kids who really really NEED that help.

so which is the truth about race hahahaha.

i have no doubt there are many smart ghetto black kids out there that would benefit from a good education. plenty of little dr ben carsons out there.  but honestly i have no desire, and im honestly not TOUGH ENOUGH, to want to work in a black school to help those kids. i would rather teach white kids. really i dont want to teach kids at all hahahahaha. beyond being a homeschool teacher of my own children, and even there i dont trust my abilities!

but yeah when i was hanging out with somebody i thought was really really cool like that, i sometimes felt insecure and inferior, like im nowhere NEAR that cool, why are they hanging out with ME? once they find out how uncool i am, theyll get bored with me and dump me.

i guess i felt a similar way about women that i liked! that i was “privileged” enough to hang out with a few times!

classic inferiority complex. im not cool enough to be friends with this person. im not cool enough to date this grill.

and the women eventually “proved” it by dumping me, although the men i had mancrushes on, well they were pretty much “faithful” to me though! like i say, they were good solid moral men through and through, and never did me wrong! we just drifted apart due to time and distance.

hehehehe kinda wish i had met him when i was in high school hahaha. not to crap on my high school friends tho hahaha. but i might have had a chance at getting his Sloppy Seconds hahahaha. that was how much of an omega i was, i couldnt even get Sloppy Seconds because my friends couldnt get sloppy seconds either hahahaha.

well i prob could have gotten sloppy seconds from one of my friends who was ok with the ladies, qt ones too……but i was so proud i didnt WANT sloppy seconds from muh friends! or i just thought it was weird and gross. it IS pretty weird and gross!!!!!!!!! plus I wanted a GF, not casual hookup secs. i didnt like SLUTS back then either! i wanted a NICE GURL! i.e., not a slut.

so yeah, i pretty much ALWAYS disliked sluts. very consistent there.

ok thats enough memory lane bullshit. i just wish i were doing more in the present that would make good memories later. but all i got is the failure of the last 3 years, the painful memory of That Woman, etc. nothing really GOOD that i will happily remember. well maybe the good times i had with that woman. but i dont WANT to remember those! i want to have BETTER memories with a BETTER woman!

see i use overthinking as a way to cope with stress and worry. IF I THINK ABOUT THIS ENOUGH, I WILL FIGURE OUT AN ANSWER AND FIX THE PROBLEM. but it never works like that. i never find the answer. i never fix the shit. i just think and think and think and worry and ruminate and overanalyze and write and write and write and write. i order for things to improve, i need to get out and actually DO shit.

the best punishment for sluts is for their fathers to shake their heads and say i am very very very disappointed in you, and you will have to work to regain my approval.

but this assumes sluts HAVE fathers who can BE disappointed in them.

so without that….i think i determined shaving the sluts head bald would be a good punishment.

how about tattoo on their forearm saying “SLUT”? pretty good, but that would be guaranteeing they would never STOP being a slut.

how about a tattoo somewhere nonvisible then?

like i said…..I NEVER liked sluts.

I WILL give a slut a chance, if she’s really willing to repent and reform. of course how do you trust that? i guess look at her repentance. the first slut i was with was a very secs-positive bourgeois jooess, so of course she wasnt ashamed of being a cvm dumpster, she thought it was liberating and empowering.

hehehe there are two kinds of people in the world, racists and nonracists, and never the twain shall meet. i think if all the racists segregated away from the nonracists the world would be a better place. and then of course in the racist side, each race would then segregate.

whites are racist! racism is the worst evil! whites are evil!

once you realize this is what they are really saying, you cant unhear it hahahaha.

there is literally NO BENEFIT to being sensitive. it is WEAK. FRAGILE. NON TOUGH. being TOUGH is ALWAYS good. weak people break down and cant get shit done. and they are miserable because everybody rejects them because they are weak and sensitive. hahaha.

oh but they see the world in a unique way and create great art!

  1. at least half of them DONT, i never created great art
  2. well thats not entirely true, I wrote 2 and a half pretty good songs. long epic songs too haha. and a bunch of decent bukowski ripoff poems. and at least 3 book length blogs. 1 sweet doom level.
  3. art is not that important. its a nice luxury but its not very useful at all. it is not a vital role in society. its nice to have, and its really fun to listen to music from ages 11 to 25 or so, but after that, theres more important things to do, like run society, have children, and music and art does not help with that at all. yeah it adds to a sense of culture but you know what else does? children. government and society and civilization. people inventing shit and building civilizations and employing people and doing work. this takes TOUGH, STRONG people, not SENSITIVE, WEAK people.

plus there is plenty of good art made by Tough, Strong people!

oh but sensitive people Love more deeply.

but this is WORTHLESS unless they find another sensitive person who can APPRECIATE that AND luv them the same way back! Sensitive Luv is just Wasted on Tough, Nonsensitive Normies! they will DUMP you for being too WEAK and NEEDY!!!

and how many sensitives are there? it CANT be more than 25%.

so yeah, ITS NOT WORF IT to be sensitive and weak hahahaha. i wanna trade it in to be tough. so i can LUV people more intensely! that is TOTALLY not worth it! I don’t WANT to luv people so intensely! theres something WRONG with me!

all this sensitivity has made it excruciatingly difficult to live a normie adult life with 26k job and 6.51/10 waifu!

i should see if muh new 13k a year job can send me on a business trip to colorado. or NV, CA, OR, WA, or MA hahahahahahahahahahahaha. every week.

i mean shit theres an idea. why not do job searching in colorado?

because I dont really want to MOVE to colorado, i want to stay near muh family! they are the only family i have! i wouldnt mind visiting colorado for a week or 2 and being ridiculous blazed that whole time, but i dont really want to MOVE ANYWHERE!

and some people are not like this. they dont mind moving anywhere in the world. shit i kinda wish i were more like that. because that is a TOUGHER person. who will leave their family behind to go where the jobs are.

you know you like somebody when you make a MIX tape/cd/stream for them. did anyone ever do that for ME?

well sort of. there were some manly no homo mixes in there where i exchanged Metal Mixes with another Metal Fan who worked at the Music Shop where I took some Guitar Lessons hahahaha. good guy but he was more into death metal, like Early Technical Death Metal with especial liking to Technical Death Metal Bass. I wonder if he was happy about all the new technical death metal that has come out. i cant even. like maybe necrophagist and stuff like that hahaha. i dont know. not my cup of tea.  we both liked bands like nile and cynic and early cryptopsy. naturally he really liked death. i liked their “sound of perseverance” album but never got much further. (although now i am kinda interested in their old stuff, hehehehe.)

well ultimately ive always been more of a black metal guy than a death metal guy, and he could not help me there.

oh shit i wonder what he would say about deathspell omega. that is probably the most technical band i like. and they really are TOO damn technical hahahahaha.  cool it with the nonsense riffs guy. i thought you were black metal hehehehe. technical black metal. i am probably more open to that that technical death metal.

could demilich be called technical death metal? i know they have very cult following.

again, i like stuff thats more Atmospheric and Emotional and Sensitive.

but its funny. i stopped paying attention to metal for like 5 years and those were THE most important years TO pay attention because SO much shit happened. when i came back to metal, it was like a whole new world. 10 generations of evolution had happened and suddenly i was an old man who didnt understand the youth. all within 5 years.

i was out of it from like 2002 or 3 until 2008 or 9?

uhhhhhh yeah between 2002 and 2009 a LOT of shit DID happen in metal hahahaha.

it would have been nice to have been paying attention when the deathspell album “Si Monumentum” came out in like….2004?

well i DO remember when paracletus came out in 2010.

i DO remember when varg got out of prison and came back with “belus” in like 2010.

i remember when the alcest album “ecailles de lune” came out and invented “blackgaze” hahahaha.

so yeah i didnt miss it all.

anyway metal. i dont even like talking about metal with metal fans, because they like different metal bands than me and will try to push some metal bands on me, when im not looking for new metal super actively. there needs to be a come to jesus moment and then ONE BAND will reveal itself to me at the right time, like saor right now.

i am very ok with that, im just grateful to be able to enjoy fresh music at all anymore!

did i mess up muh brain with too much alcohol and MJ when i was young?

YES, PROBABLY!!!!!

i used to be smart in high school! i was great at high school! i peaked in high school, hahahaha.

then 15 years later, you have to tell people, i was smart in high school! I SWEAR!!!!!! I WAS SMART ONCE!!!!! and then these young smartasses roll their eyes. yeah right, old dumb man. then why are you working here at your age. obviously didnt make good decisions with your life.

yikes i get to writing and then it INEVITABLY BECOMES super negative and despairing and horribly derpressing!!!! SO STOP WRITING!!!!!!

just as surely inevitable as the sp1c n1g cycle will guarantee that sp1cs and n1gs will inevitably stuff themselves with fried meat until they become crippled by morbid obesity and require heroic medical care until they gracelessly expire, hahahahahahahaha.

so yeah. theres no benefit to being sensitive, weak, and fragile. these are BAD THINGS!

the TOUGHER you are, the easier time you will have in life, the better you will do in life, the less suffering you will suffer through. the more self respect you will have from being able to achieve a minimum of normieness.

psilocybin decreasing depression and anxiety? ok i’ll buy that hahaha. i would have to take a TINY dose though. i took psilocybin exactly twice in muh life. when i was 20 years old. ykes. the first time was ok. the second time was HORRIBLE and i felt horribly alone and alienated and heartbroken and despairing.  realy more sorrow and emptiness than anxiety. which i guess is actually BETTER than anxiety. that feeling of panic is just horrible. but thats the last time i will ever do mushrooms around a woman i am in luv with who doesnt like me hahaha and would rather be Romantic with other guys in front of me hahahaha.

maybe that is why i am so sensitive to rejection. cuz i did mushrooms WHILE a woman was essentially rejecting me, so it imprinted somehow. really the only way to “fix” that is to do mushrooms while i am with a woman and she is Totally Accepting me. being with me, having tender monog relship secs, cuddling, etc.

i would also do it alone.

i would also be open to doing super duper tiny doses like they did in this medical experiment. though when you “TRIP” they always say dont take too LITTLE, you gotta take enough to actually feel something maannnn.

so i say just take a teensy weensy bit. like taking one puff of MJ. you ever take one puff of MJ and feel it? then you might be a sensitive snowflake like me hahahaha.

so yeah i would be open to that. take such a tiny dose that you could get up in the morning and go to WORK the next day like you can with MJ hahahaha.

HA! this “straight dope” message board looks pretty good

http://boards.straightdope.com/sdmb/showthread.php?t=812509

can you be mistaken about your own romantic luv for a person

http://boards.straightdope.com/sdmb/showthread.php?t=812505

tell me your job search techniques

http://boards.straightdope.com/sdmb/showthread.php?t=812025

how many females are open to the idea of a scat fetish in a relship hahahahahaha

great quote from that one:::  ”

11-27-2016, 01:42 PM
astro astro is offline
Guest
Join Date: Jul 1999

OK maybe there is a beautiful, kind, loving woman out there who will shit on a plate so you can eat her feces and relish the intimacy this creates for you. You gaze into her gorgeous, endless eyes as you take your fork and carefully nip off some of the warm, fragrant brown turd she has produced for you. You inspect it lovingly and notice how it was formed in convergent layers by her bowel and the little bits and pieces of undigested food woven throughout. No pinworms or other creatures are waving back at you, so reverently you lift the morsel to your nose inhaling deeply and flaring your nostrils to get the full impact. The pungent aroma is overpowering so close and up you are in heaven.

You pass the aromatic brown chunk between your lips and explore it with your tongue rolling it around it your mouth. Firm yet soft you feel it dissolving in your mouth before you gulp it down. You want more and dig in! Seeing you smacking and chewing so lustily with a filmy smear of poo, her poo, coating your lips she gazes beatifically at you and the connection is so real you feel transcendent.

Hope you find your gal.       ”

HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA

hehehehehe nice

well you need to take a few years and get some therapy and fix yourself before you can ever be cured of your virginity, and also you have such deep issues, you will never get a gf, just maybe some casual sexs with crazy sluts, after you do like 5 years of therapy.

 

dump him because his lack of success in his career indicates immaturity and abusiveness and issues and insecurity and that he’s in a bad place and is incapable of being in a relship because he’s not happy with his career and never will be until he gets his masterz degree and gets a sweet office job that he finds SO FUN AND FULFILLING just like you

from this thread:    ”         [–]Cheeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeez 2 points 48 minutes ago
Here’s what people usually want when they say they want closure: they want to have the last word in all the major arguments they had with their ex, and they want their ex to listen and say “you’re right, I was wrong,” and mean it. But this is a fantasy. As I’m sure you realize, the conversation wouldn’t go anything like that in real life.       ”

hehehehe nice way of putting that. closure is bullshit. a myth. there is never any closure. you always want the other person back, until you havent seen them in 4 years and then you dont really want them any more. then you see then and you want them again and need a few months just to get over seeing them once hahahahaha.

took a tiny benedryl tablet instead of taking nyquil tonight. felt like one or the other.

i never liked the the write shit but dont send it approach.  i say send that shit. hold them accountable!! they dont get to do EVERYTHING on THEIR terms! They SHOULD see that their actions have consequences on other people!!

damn man that sucks. wanting her back after years because you know the shit is fixable. yeah but maybe she wouldnt want to fix it and would just dump you when you tried to fix it. being WILLING to fix it is just as important as being ABLE to fix it.

oh well just dump the toxic mentally ill abuser and find a better man, people are so upgradable like that.

NOT EVERY WOMAN WILL TREAT YOU LIKE YOU ARE REPLACEABLE, UPGRADABLE, OR DISPOSABLE!!!!!

even if they might like casual sex with a revolving door of replaceable, disposable dicks hahahaha.

dec 2

http://goaskalice.columbia.edu/answered-questions/i-dont-want-relationship-okay-0

if you dont want a relship mmkay, then you shouldnt have SECS. SECS shoudl ONLY occur WITHIN a relship. a mongo (hehehe) longterm relship. if you dont want a relship then you should also enter a period of Voluntary Celibacy until you ARE ready and willing to be in a relship. and THEN you can have your damn FUN SECS again hahaha.

fookin sociopath. so focused on their damn career that they dont see the benefit of a serious rel.

ok i am looking fwd to getting haircut today, very soon, and just wanted to record this damn stupid dream i had last night

YES it had THAT WOMAN and in a big way. I recall i was hanging out with her and laying my head on her beautiful soft white stomach and just rambling on about bullshit like music or something, even though i was very very worried about the state of our relship, but was scared to talk about it, so i just talked about anything else. however i felt there was still hope because she was willing to hang out wiht me and let me lay my head on her bare stomach. which is kind of intimate IMHO. never did that in real life hahahaha. couldnt even hang out with her anymore hahaha.

then i left and continued being worried. then i guess she dumped me. i went back to talk to her and she started literally running away. and i began chasing her and she conitnued running. i was running too. i was screaming after her pathetic begging things: please just talk to me! please respond! please lets just talk about this! PLEASE DONT TREAT ME LIKE THIS! i recall saying that exactly.

then i was heartbroken. then i was talking with another female friend i had during college. i was never attracted to or in luv with her. we just got along ok and had mutual respect. she was very smart and very funny. on the downside she was very shitlib (so was everybody) and had issues with Secsual Morality. At heart she was a good person who was mashed into this jooish neurotic somewhat mess because of Kollige and the Middle Class Career World, which her family was firmly in, and unfortunately pressuring her with high expectations.  also she was supremely judgmental and liked to gossip about drama. I am the SAME WAY, but these women were actually a little bit WORSE. they were still good people though. they just needed to cool it with the drama! also she was nonwhite, therefore Im not such a hateful racist that i want to throw all nonwhites in the oven hahahaha.

so in the dream i told her how devastated i was and she wasnt really being THAT comforting, saying, well, if she’s running away from you, she obviously doesnt want to talk to you! so stop trying to talk to her.

but i really really really WANT to talk to her!

well she OBVIOUSLY doesnt WANT to talk!

but thats SO UNFAIR! she doesnt get to throw me away like a piece of garbage without being held accountable for the consequences! you want to get out of this, you have to go through the discomfort of a damn uncomfortable conversation at least!

so i convinced the female friend to go and meet with That Woman and kind of act as my attorney/advocate because That Woman was not allowing me to meet and talk with her.

i was riding in a taxi with the woman friend. i was nervous as shit because this was my last chance to say what i wanted to say, and i had to say it through this other person. i was trying to use Wise Mind and articulate myself as clearly as possible as to what i wanted to say. I remember very clearly saying “I fully accept her decision. I’m not asking her to be with me. sure, in an ideal world i’d like her to be with me, but I fully accept that she’s decided to end the relationship. what i’m asking for is just….i dunno. more recognition of my broken heart. more recognition that our relationship was meaningful and valuable to her. we knew each other for 3 years and i THOUGHT i meant something to her, was valuable to her, made a difference in her life, and we shared what i thought was a great connection and some great memories. i never wanted to hurt her. and i never wanted her to HATE me. it seems like she hates me. what did she think i did? I want to know what she’s thinking and feeling about this, and to tell her what Im thinking and feeling about it. that’s why I just want to meet with her and talk to her, and its so frustrating she’s not willing to do that.”

basically not a big chance from real life here.

i also wanted to show my other female friend (WHOOPS, not supposed to refer to women as “females”, that is a TELLTALE SIGN that you are a huge redpill neet incel entitled niceguy omega virgin nevergf woman hater!!!!! who sees women as some weird alien species and not human beings!!!!) that i was in the right, that i wasnt some kind of creepy stalker controlling abuser manipulator who wanted something unreasonable.

the friend went in and i sat in the taxi very nervously.

after like an hour the friend came out and said that That Woman said she didn’t feel I really CARED ABOUT her as a real person, that I was just trying to MANIPULATE HER INTO SECS. (basically accusing me of being a Niceguytm.) that i had no regard for her feelings and wasnt willing to listen to her.

then i got angry and was like WRONG. thats TOTALLY WRONG. I care about her SO MUCH! I am DEVASTATED! i will be devastated for the next year! it wasnt all about secs! it was about LOVE and having a loving rel! i wanted a HELL OF A LOT MORE than just secs! this is about luv! hearts! relships! sharing lives together! and i care very much for her! i want the best for her! i want to be with her and help her build a happy life! and to share a happy life together! shes got this all WRONG! can i just go in there and talk to her myself! no? goddamn why cant she just let me talk to her???!!?!?! can you go back in there please and tell her what i just told you??

(it was kinda like my job where callers could not speak directly to the level 2’s who knew how to explain bad news, and had to go through ME, who didn’t really understand the shit!)

the friend advocate sighed, like yeah thats not gonna work, but i’ll go back in there one more time for you.

then she did. then she taxi drove away with me in it. we picked up some black thugs and dropped them off at a casino. i was like shit we gotta get back to where we were. i didnt know how to get there from where we now were. i asked the driver if he could go back to the house where we were before. he said sure. he was clearly very foreign and i thought he might be bullshitting, because it didnt look like we were getting any closer. i asked him where he was from and i think he said georgia. like the country of.

so that was about it. it was a very vivid, long, movielike dream. i think the benedryl put me into a deeper sleep and therefore a deeper dream. it was not great. pretty much illustrated what was going on in real life, except now i had an advocate who was willing to talk to her on my behalf, and she was able to confirm that That Woman had a very Wrong opinion on What I Had Done. in real life, i have no idea what she was thinking.

but really, her having the Wrong Idea did not make me any happier, in fact i was just more frustrated, and just wanted to send the advocate back in there to show that I was Right, and She Was Wrong!

see that reddit quote about closure about hahahaha.

so yeah. also the dream was sad because at the beginning i actually DID see her and had an intimate moment with her like i never had in real life. but the moment wasnt intimate for her AT ALL!

hhehehe. if it takes you longer than a year to get over…….then hell yeah it was true love!!!! fook yes you CARED ABOUT them!

so i hate the accusation that you just want SECS when really, you are in LUV with them and CARE about them and want the best for their LIFE!

but no its all about secs secs secs with these women. and not even sacred, holy, loving, babymaking, relationship secs, but they reduce everything down to negro casual sex. its the only thing they understand hahahaha. absolutely disgusting.

ACTIONS HAVE CONSEQUENCES. I guess i just wanted her to experience some consequences and not be able to avoid them so completely. i sure experienced some damn consequences.

that doesnt mean that i want to inflict pain or punishment on her! more like, i just want her to feel some REMORSE and to reflect on this and learn how to not do this again in the future!

and probably she will learn from it, and treat other guys better, and i will never know, and never experience the Better Kinder More Mature Her!

she was already very kind, i experienced a lot of her general kindness, so i know she was capable of it. it was just a matter of Choking in a High Pressure moment. like i never did that before! like on the job or something.

yeah but with a Relship, I would have at least written an email hahahaha. that doesnt require a lot of effort or courage.

well it DOES involve courage when you actually SEND it. maybe she DID write an email but wasnt courageous enough to click send!

so yeah i did not enjoy that dream hahahaha.

looking at days since spreadsheet because i put haircuts on there….

507 days since i last talked to her… (16.9 months)

473 days since i last emailed/contacted her   (15.77 months)

81 days since last haircut, yeah its time hahaha

389 days since intentionally looking at/using jooish filth pornography

later

got haircut at mens haircut place, good prices

rambled on to older white slavic woman about what i wanted. hard to articulate. finally got to the following clear actionable instructions:

“2 ON TOP, 1 ON THE SIDES”

and hopefully she understood that. i should write that on a flashcard which i bring next time in roughly 10 weeks hahahaha.

i usually get 1 or 2 all around. never this fading or two diff lengths. breaking out of comfort zone. it looks all right. somewhat militaristic and fashy. not bad.

2 ON THE TOP, 1 ON THE SIDES.

just tell them that. short. direct. unfookupable hahaha. these are the kind of instructions i like to receive for muh job. not some vague bullshit that can be interpreted 10 different ways, then you have to go back and ask 10 clarifying questions, and they sigh and eye roll and think youre an idiot even though they gave you these stupid vague instructions that they probably didnt even read or realize how vague they were.

so i should assertively say: i dont like vague instructions. i like clear, concise, unambigious instructions. 2 on the top, 1 on the sides. im not going to waste your time with stupid questions, so dont waste my time with stupid instructions that require stupid questions for clarification.

fooking fookbitch.

so yeah that dream sucked. its faggy as fook to lay your head on a gurls stomach but i like the idea of it.

i dont get it. secs is so cheap for them, they think you want cheap sex, when you want expensive luv, and then they get mad at you (well, NOT you, but niceguys, which we are NOT) when you want something that they consider cheap, which you dont even really want. cuz Cheap Sex is all they understand. when all you have is a hammer, everything looks like a nail hahahahaha.

yeah being a niceguy is bad and shameful but i STILL think women overreact to it. but im still not saying i was a niceguy hahahaha. cuz its bad and i really dont want to be that. but they overreact. they think you are a HORRIBLE person, when you are really just a WEAK, COWARDLY person.

kind of like her. I dont think she is a HORRIBLE person, i think she is generally a good, maybe even GREAT person, she just had a moment of cowardice.

how come women cant give us the same BENEFIT OF THE DOUBT?

yeah well not all women, not all women, not all women hahaha. not even most women would not give you the benefit of the doubt.

but yeah i sure would have liked to cuddle with her and touch her white stomach hahahahaha. so it sucks to DREAM about that 16 months later.

like the guy in that reddit. he went on dates with 30+ women and still couldnt stop comparing them to the woman who dumped him, who he couldnt get over, years later. the only thing thats gonna fix this for him is to find a woman who is BETTER. who can make him feel luv again.

that story resonated with me because hes in his 30s and wants to have children and a wife, and he wanted that woman to be his wife, and have children with her, and he can’t see having children with anyone else yet. yep when you get older and want a wife and children, the stakes are even higher than when you are 20 and just fooking like a horny n199er. and not all of us wanted to be degenerates like that!

basically i view women as degen n199ers who cant keep it in their pants, and me as a principled man who is more moral and principled and white and better and seeks a higher morality and understands deeper truths. which isnt entirely wrong, as i believe my principled view of sex is the Better one. and i want a woman who shares that Core Value. hard to find a woman who doesnt treat secs like a horny n1993r tho!

ff12 has good music too, another great game, i never thought this game was underrated hahahaha.

so basically i view women as these alien monsters, who i have a yearning desire and obsession over, who throw cheap sex at everyone but me, who finds sex very very expensive, so i have a combination of deep resentment and deep desire for women. well, young (25 year old, marriage age, fertile) women! I want them so badly, I can’t have them, and they don’t want me.

these are the Big Kahuna of Cognitive Distortions that i need to address.

that and they undervalue something I value so highly, so i imagine them as sinful devils blaspheming my holy morality. like they are literally The Devil. The Enemy of Man. the Adversary. the living embodiment of Sin and Distancing yourself from Truth, Beauty, and Goodness. Women Are EVIL.

when really they are just Complicated PEOPLE, just like you and me hahahahahahaha.

so reddit says read books and watch tv and movies made by women, so you can view women as real people. go read margaret atwood or watch orange is the new black.

yeah but these are all feminists who have to slip in some man hating marxism. so whenever i read a woman doing that…..i dont understand or like women any better, i just dislike them more hahahaha. like you dirty fooking communist traitors.

so the best would be to read like books by a woman i like, like ann coulter hahahahaha.

maybe i should read the new megyn kelly book which she is promoting like crazy and which people are apparently buying like crazy too hahahha.

some feminist on reddit said “men worry that women will laugh at and reject them. women worry that men will raep and K them.”

yeah ok there is a kernel of truth there. but that doesnt mean women should be degenerate slutty n1993rs.

i like this trvmp “thank you” victory tour. he has been very busy since the election and hasnt had a rally in WEEKS, when he used to have a rally every day and give huge rousing speeches every day. it was weird to see him out of the spotlight. basically what he’s been doing is “hiding out” in trvmp tower talking to people and making big decisions of who he wants on his team. whcih is great, but i want him to come out in front of the cameras and 100000000 cheering people and call the media a bunch of disgusting animals and build the wall and drain the swamp and MAGA and make good deals. hopefully he does Rallies when he is prez.

so yeah if you worry men will r and kill you, dont put yourself in situations where you are basically putting yourself out there on a platter for those men, basically saying R me and K me!!!!!!!!!!

doesnt mean any woman DESERVES to be R’d and K’d, it’s just DONT BE STUPID. dont be the kid who jumps into harambe’s paddock. dont put your head in a lions mouth. dont point a loaded gun at your face. dont tease men when you don’t know that man, you dont know that he’s not a dangerous man.

you come SO CLOSE to really knowing a woman as A Human Being, and then she does a total 180 and throws you out of her life in a way that you cant even image doing to another human being.

not all women Would Do That, not even most women Would Do That.

if you’re not sure the best way to dump someone, just pay a Social Worker $50 to do it for you. don’t go out to lunch or dinner for a while. use secs to coerce your FWB’s into paying for your Birth Control, or to just give you the $50 for the shrink. suck off your Boss for $50. cuddle with some omega orbiter for a $50 fee. you know how EASY it is for you to get $50????!!?!?!?!?!

just hold off buying stupid clothes and shoes and purses for a week. small price to pay for saving somebody Thousands of Hours of Suffering.

you and i should probably listen to this song 3 times every day. quite possibly the single most POWERFUL song ever written.

music by dougie maclean who is not the composer of the film score, who is trevor jones, who took the dougie maclean song and integrated it into the score.

heh i think uncle bern should get a wife but i have bought his book as a way of supporting him. i wish i could have bought it from him directly. he is a good, principled man who i have admired for years. apparently he tells some personal anecdotes about his relships with women in this one, so thats worth the price of admission for me.

it was either that or donate to his paypal or patreon. which i still might do.

https://disenchantedscholar.wordpress [dot] com/2016/03/01/the-real-millennial-woes-student-debt-homeless-priced-out-of-parenthood-and-no-pension/

(doesnt have anything to do with the guy MW, a good article and blog nonetheless)

heh. so i took the plunge and joined patreon so i can pledge 1.67$ to millennial woes per month ($20 per year hehe)

and $1 to uncle bern per month. in the past i would have given him moar. i will give him more if he becomes a huhwhyte nationalist or has children hahahahaha. but he does deserve to quit his damn soul crushing school job and become a Content Creator Fulltime.

2 years ago i emailed him and asked him if i could donate to him. he said no thank you i really dont want to do that. i said hey im happy to donate but you do what you want. well hes changed his mind in the past 2 years and i can’t blame him. he produces great stuff and deserves to quit his damn stupid job. and we SHOULD pay him for sacrificing his personal time to make great videos and podcasts. its not a donation, its paying for a valuable service hehehehe. he’s given me hours of education and enjoyment so why SHOULDNT i give him some money. he apparently has begun to understand that concept.  maybe when he quits his job he will reveal that he knows all about the JQ.

i also see it as whites helping whites hahahahah. i wouldnt donate to a nonwhite.

anyway that disgruntled scholar or whatever i linked above points out a very important point that was interestingly enough quoted from a jooish guardian article: that 27 year old millennials in 2016 are bitter and butthurt because they think about their boomer parents when THEY were 27 and how they already had a HOME and CHILDREN. it is very sad to get old enough that you WANT children, and then realize you CANT AFFORD THEM. and that you cant afford to own a home that isnt in a violent nonwhite crime ghetto. and you might not even be able to afford that. buy a home in midtown oakland or gary hahahaha or newark. the ghettoest ghetto of new orleans.

why would you ever want children? then you cant enjoy life experiences and tinder hookups and travel. why would you want to own a home when you cant rent an apt with 10 roomates when youre 30? and those black ghettos are only violent because of a cycle of poverty adn institutional racism created by WHITE PEOPLE. you SHOULD live there so you can reap what you sow. SEE THE CONSEQUENCES OF YOUR ACTIONS, hahahahahaha.

i thought i was all about that hahaha.

cereal

hehehehe one of the best gifs i have seen in months. if you are in a bad mood watching this could probably still be guaranteed to make you laugh.

cereal-bowl-mouth

hahahahahahahahahahahahaha

cereal-bowl-mouth  cereal-bowl-mouth cereal-bowl-mouth

so classic. i bet that man has had 1,488,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000 times more secs and cuddling and making out that i have hahahahahahaha.

ok i should have a smaller version of the moving gif too

cereal cereal cereal

bretty kewl amirite hahahahahahaha

cerealcerealcerealcerealcereal

now is there something actually pornographic about this, or do i think that just because my brain has been thoroughly pornified by jooz?

i wish i could see this, and really the whole world, and WOMEN, through the eyes of an innocent who had never seen the thousands of hours of PORN I have watched. it really warps your damn mind.

i mean i havent watched it seriously in a YEAR and i still feel the effects.

and how many guys have not watched porn in a YEAR. like less than 1% hahahahahaha.

well thats pessimistic. maybe 10% hahaha. NOT ALL MEN WATCH PORN!!!!!!!!

i think he must have some kind of plastic ring in his mouth to be able to hold it open in that weird shape.

oh those stupid WHITE frat boys. these white males are the stupidest jackasses on the planet.

wearing warm Kodiak Heat Socks from walmart, they are warmer than regular socks. but its not super cold out there. it Feels Like 28 degrees, ok thats kinda cold, but not man cold.

well people in fookin williston north dakota probably get their cold weather socks at walmart too hahahaha so i am as getting as good as they are. WALMART.

if you cant get it at walmart, it isnt worth buying hahahahaha.

 

CULTURE OF CANCER

nov 29

heh. spent money to order a TRS Ghoul t-shirt before the campaign ended. its a little pricey but they do good work and i want to support TRS and tshirts are my fav kind of merchandise hahahaha.

hopefully the company gives ghoul/trs a decent cut. I know TRS tried to make tshirts with a mainstream shirt company like teespring or something like that, and they were SHUT DOWN before they could even MAKE the first batch of shirts.

i wrote a note to the current company saying thank you for not firing your controversial client hehehehe.

ordered a L instead of an XL because i have lost so much weight that an L shirt now looks too damn big. jeez. so i have all these GREAT t shirts that look a little too big and floppy.

i guess the lesson is, lose weight, then buy Great Clothes for you at that weight, so you are motivated to not gain weight again and get too big for those clothes.

maybe i was dumped with extreme prejudice and insult and hostility because i was A Little Bit Overweight hahahahahahaha. no i already dealt with that Distortion.

2016-11-29-16_53_41-sky-jpg-1000x1250

here is the ghoul t shirt design. could be more edgy hahahaha but i guess having a fookin NOTSEE DEATHS HEAD is pretty edgy hahahaha. and surf the kali yuga just means ride the tiger hahaha. and most importantly, signals to other fashy goys that you know about these things, but have never read a word of evola hahahahahahaha.

then you can be like hey goy how much money you make and they will say, i make over 100k a year as a successful entrepreneur, manager, lawyer, doctor, stemgineer, and you can say: huh well i make 13k a year as an unemployable neet, wanna gimme a job and help really put the 14 words into practice hahahahaha. and they will say ok heres a 24k a year job, just stay away from my wife and daughters and family hahahaha. and i will say, thank you kind sir, GOD bless you and bless the huhwhyte race.

hmm you can force gmail starred to appear in the left list. in fact i think i probably turned it OFF accidentally.

ok so the deaths head is a symbol of the SS in particular. hitlers bodyguards hahaha. the schutzstaffel hahhaha.

that stupid woman. out there being successful and making money and being happy and being a productive member of society making 30k a year. while i struggle just to make HALF that. its like shes MORE THAN TWICE THE PERSON I AM.

twice as successful, twice as powerful, skillful, capable, twice as VALUABLE TO THE WORLD.

again that is an issue of perspective and ATTITUDE. just a lot of complex Negative Thoughts that need to be Unpacked and FIXED.

with what? talk back to it with BULLSHIT like you’re not defined by your JOB, unsuccessful people have as much Human Value as successful people?

REAL EASY TO SAY WHEN YOURE A SUCCESSFUL PERSON!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

but when someone kicks you out of there life and then becomes ragingly successful while you become a raging failure, yeah thats rough man. thinking about them. the fantasy world where you could have been with them, lived happily ever after, and YOU would be successful too, making 30k a year, HAPPILY EVER AFTER. Youd have problems sure, everybody does, but youd work through them, and continue making 30k a year happily ever after.

i was sort of thinking about That Woman cuz ive just been emailing with the old colleague who worked with both of us, and we talk about so and so leaving and getting a job somewhere. and now we can no longer talk about That Woman because if My Issues. yikes.

yeah but I really DONT want to hear about how That Woman is doing so well, making 35k at her new manager job, getting married to her new successful black BF. hahahaha. really NOTHING I can hear about her will make me happy. i just need to pretend she doesnt exist. i dont want harm to come to her…….but i dont want to hear about her doing really WELL either.  im SURE shes doing well, they all do well, unless she does something to screw it up, then its her own damn fault, and i have no sympathy, and she has fairly 50 50 chances of either screwing it up, or doing well. the choice is hers. not mine. its none of my business.  i just wish it WAS my business! also who knows if That Woman even talks to the former colleague any more! might be Too Busy with her New Life!

nov 30

this is what Getting Over It looks like hahahaha. tons of thinking about the past, some thinking about the future hahahaha. what is she doing now. whos she fookin, how much money is she making.

everyone i know makes WAY more money than me, and it doesnt really BOTHER me. i guess if it did, THEN i would have a big problem. the only time it really BOTHERS me is when WOMEN who have rejected me go on to make tons of money and become super successful.

its like saying they are TOUGHER and STRONGER and BETTER than me, the REAL ADULT WORLD says this person is WORTH a lot more for their brains and skills and personality and work and worth.

it bothers me most with That Woman because overnight I went from making ok money to making NO money, and she went on making ok money, and has continued to make ok/pretty good money ever since, for a year and a half, while during that time ive made NO money. very very very humbling.

now other women who have rej me went on to make good money……several years AFTER they rej me. they paid their dues by going to grad skool for several years. fine. they deserve to make good money then.

but that woman, she never went to GRAD SKOOL! she never even finished COLLEGE! she hasnt paid enough DUES yet! me and her, we paid about the same amount of dues, well technically i paid a bit MORE! and now shes making WAY more than I am! Probably getting promoted! moving up! does she have 200 credits of college? no, she has like 60! does she know how to be charismatic AND really solve problems? NO she just sits there and looks pretty and says idk, it cant be fixed. she sm0kes too much MJ and believes in stupid conspiracy theories!

yeah i have my issues with Emotion Regulation and its a struggle to find my Wise Mind, but I can sometimes fake it pretty well. pretend i am a level headed, logical person. she cant even do that! yet she can make 30k+ a year and I cant even make muh goal of 26k a year! and she is 8 years younger than me! and 3 times less educated than me! rabble rabble rabble hahahahaha

so much butthurt hahahaha.

but the men I see every week for my social event, they make WAY more money than me, and it doesnt really bother me. i dont think that they think they are so much better than me, the pathetic low-earning loser.

i wasnt asking her to BE WITH ME. I was asking her to talk to me and make a GOOD FAITH EFFORT to HELP ME, in that her making a good faith effort to talk and TRY to smooth things out a little bit would have meant a LOT to me and i dont think was TOO MUCH TO ASK of her, like asking her to Be With Me would be. lets just talk about how we are both gonna handle this and move forward and try to have cool heads about this. so i was/am resentful that she wasnt even willing to do that.

yeah my Extreme Emotions are my own responsibility to control. but she could have given a LITTLE effort which would have helped me a LOT. low effort, high reward. high ROI. sacrifice a little short term awkwardness to reduce a LOT of long term suffering for me. i guess THATS what I really am butthurt about.

just write me an EMAIL saying you have my SYMPATHY. Sorry about YOUR LOSS. EXPLAIN yourself. I am very willing to listen. I want to explain myself to you and really want YOU to LISTEN.  asking somebody to be willing to listen, and also to explain themselves to you, well an explanation isnt really necessary, but its a sign of GOOD FAITH that I think is NICE when youve known somebody almost 3 years and have a Real Relationship!

She was a bad dumper. i was a pretty good dumpee, all things considered. I took it very poorly and did not cope well at ALL, completely heartbroken mess, but I was not a BAD DUMPEE by doing things like stalking, begging, pleading, harrassing, facebooking, messaging, calling, texting, manipulating. I sent a few emails. big fookin deal. then I said welp these emails arent working, time to do no contact. and I sure did. i was a total devastated mess and did not cope well with that and that is embarrassing, but BY GOD did I ACCEPT HER STUPID DECISION hahahaha.

shit i accepted it better than i did with the other women, well besides woman2012. I handled that one really well, partly because SHE handled it really well. a tip of the fedora to mlady hahahaha.

but the other women i was always scheming to Win Them Back, staying in contact with them, not understanding that Its Fookin OVER. i mean i still didnt stalk or harrass or bombard them though. ive never been a superbad dumpee. i mean i ahve had very dark thoughts but even when i was DRINKING i never DID anything worse than spit a spray of beer on a gurls shitty car once hahahaha. i was 22 hahaha.

with that woman, i just sent some long pathetic emails explaining myself and begging her to please explain herself. when i saw that wasnt working, i stopped all contact whatsoever and continued being devastated by myself hahaha.

so yeah. dont say i was a bad creepy dumpee who couldnt accept her decision! i was a GOOD dumpee!!!!!!!

SHE was a bad DUMPER!!!!!

BAD DUMPER! GOOD DUMPEE!

later

went to walmart and spent 80 damn dollars like a privileged white man. bought cheapo winter boots, winter socks, huhwhyte tshirts, black dress shirt, black sweatshirt, some groceries, all at decent price. tried on wrangler ultimate khakis in the dressing room. could not find a good fit on the stiffer ones. did not try on the softer ones. a good pair of khaki pants is hard to find hahaha. well for the time being i have some gray Dress Pants and some super casual gray cord jean type pants that look good but feel weird. more of a modern fit than a classic fit.

anyway i am being converted into a damn walmart fan. for their selection and prices. i just obviously hate the whole walmart culture, with exploited underpaid pathetic employees, and pathetic, disgusting trash customers. well the mens clothes and the SHOES selection is actually really darn good! next time i need SHOES i am going to walmart!

i got the cheapo 20 dollar winter boots. if they fall apart after 1 winter then i will get the even cheaper rubber boots and just wear warm thick socks with them.

i would not recommend walking around for hours in the boots. i mean these are not High End boots, and I think a man owes it to himself to have a good pair of High End Boots. but that is a big investment.

they had softer wrangler khakis and much stiffer wrangler khakis which were almost as stiff as damn dickies.

they had 15 dollar “faded glory” khakis which looked pretty good. this is the walmart store brand. NICE.

https://www.walmart.com/cp/mens-clothing/133197

they had nice Turtleneck shirts! i remember i always wanted one of those so i could look like a poem writing phaggot hahahaha.

http://www.artofmanliness.com/2013/12/03/beyond-sissy-resilience-on-becoming-antifragile/#at_pco=smlrebh-1.0&at_si=583f31a6a86d53f6&at_ab=per-2&at_pos=0&at_tot=3

really some decent articles here. i mean yeah ive been aware of the site for years and just wrote it off as mainstream jooish media, but i guess its really not bad, like a more masculine version of mens health or some shit.

http://www.artofmanliness.com/2011/11/21/how-to-handle-being-out-of-your-depth-6-tips-from-a-con-man/#at_pco=smlrebv-1.0&at_si=583f327af9631873&at_ab=per-2&at_pos=2&at_tot=5

hope those weird numbers in the url dont contain any DOXING information about me

anyway the lesson learned is always try damn pants on in the dressing room.

oh good god is that jonathan banks “mike” from breaking bad, as a much younger man in thsi 1990 tv show “wiseguy”? it looks like a much younger version of him, with hair.  oh god it IS. good eye on me.

its just weird watching people get older. like i see a movie like “badlands” where martin sheen is like 20 years old and quite handsome, and now hes like 75 years old now. literally an old senior geriatric man.

we all look handsome and secsy and qt when we are young. then we get old and sad and ugly and dull.

like i was pretty GOOD looking when i was young. i could have pulled a qt if i wasnt so fooked up. now i am trying to get my act together, but i am nowhere near as good looking as i used to be. but at least i am about the same weight. and cant find clothes that fit hahaha.

that woman didnt care that i did not have a great Fashion Sense! she didnt have a great fashion sense either! where fashion means spending thousands of dollars to look like a wh0re. she probably shopped at walmart too hahahaha. she didnt care that the other wimmin thought she was uncool for shopping at walmart. she never wore super tight or revealing clothes.

heh. maybe she did when i didnt see her, when she was being social with men she fancied.

who cares.  think of something else. be mindful of the present moment hehe. REFOCUS hehehe. deep breathing. radical acceptance. its over. it is what it is. GOD grant me the SERENITY NOW hahahaha.

i am just kinda disappointed that those pants at walmart just did not fit or feel or look right at all.

i guess i should be happy that i didnt just buy “my size” without trying them on!

also there were great SHOES at walmart. tons of great, cheap SHOES. like plain black shoes that I was looking for like for wearing at a job. just plain black semi-professional looking shoes but that would also be comfortable for people walking around all day. like people that work in walmarts or restaurants. people who need plain black shoes they can wear to Work and that can give their feet and legs and back good support over 10+ hours of running around slaving.

walmart. my kind of store. i did not even see what other stuff was in there, like a bank or post office or what. ok there was a shitty portrait studio, might be closed, and defeinitely a subway. maybe a bank.

way to get all autistic about WALMART. maybe i should WORK there if I LUV it so much! hahahaha.

i GUARANTEE you i could get some MJ from the blacks who work there!

most shoes at walmart dont come in boxes. that seems kinda weird. i wonder if this is how they do their EVERY DAY LOW PRICES (R) .

i am just a big fan of the wrangler brand, always have been, so i am disappointed when a pair of wrangler pants does not totally deliver, like with those disappointing stiff, weird fitting gray khakis today. also glad i did not buy them before trying them on.

walmart. so exciting.

I should have gotten one of the smart people I worked with at previous job to write me a letter of recommendation, not necess my manager, although that would have been a good idea too, but just anyone smart i was friendly with, and they could PRETEND to be a Senior Level, and just talk about how good i am. but yeah  i didnt. was too filled with panic.

yeah that art of manlieness article on fragile vs antifragile. i am very fragile and hate it, would like to be antifragile.

FRAGILE. hmm must be italian hahahahaha.

fragile = WEAK. BAD. LOSER. HORRIBLE.

was listening to this new 2016 Saor album and I think it might have An It Factor, just Goosebumps, spine chilling, Dat Feel sort of stuff. or its really good at simulating that kind of Feely AtmoBlack hahaha.

well, I have always been wanting to hear some kind of Atmospheric Black Metal that embodies The Scottish Soul, and Saor/this guy Marshall seems to be it.

its just a matter of time before we get young black metal guys who are explicitly Alt-Right.

not saying Saor is, in fact, he’s MORE likely to be an antiracist shitlib degenerate. with his shitty disgusting phaggy degen ear gauges!

BUTTTTTT I find it hard to believe a person can create Atmospheric Black Metal with this kind of NATIONALISTIC feeling, and not be somehow open to the idea that Nation Matters, Blood and Soil matters.

But he’s not “nationalistic”, im sure he would say thats horrible, he just appreciates scotland and scottish history and culture.  well thats good enough for me. and it would be enough for joos to call him racist and nationalist. so i just say embrace it whole hog buddy. laddie. BECOME WHO YOU ARE hahahaha.

of course a band like moonsorrow ALSO does epic, heathen, pagan, fairly “atmospheric” stuff, and theyve been accused of being racist nationalists, and then they were like oh no no no no we hate racists!

i want somebody to say yeah i AM a racist, or at least i AM alt right and nationalistic. so you get a band who’s not afraid to be “nationalistic” like for example vapaudenristi, drudkh, or peste noire, uhhh yeah i think they might possibly be open to the ideas of alt right. but i kinda want to see a YOUNG alt right group that is JUST forming. each of these bands are really kinda old. have been active years before there was any kind of alt right. and alt right is really YOUNG.

well so is this saor guy, he’s “only” 28 years old. younger than me hahahahaha.

not saying hes alt right. i would just really like a band that sounds like that AND is openly alt right. i would do it myself if i could write good music!!!!!

right now the most openly alt right kind of music is this vaporwave with the really 80s aesthetic, which looks promising, but i havent listened to much of it, and i prob SHOULD. there is this musician grayfield stray which talks to TRS, or this paddy tarleton guy as well. we need more alt right MUSICIANS in other words, making honestly GOOD music. but good music is HARD to make. bad music is EASY to make.

like that “it factor” you feel when you hear actually good music, or that strange feeling you feel with a special woman that you dont feel with just any body. THATS the kind of it factor you need to show in interviews to get a 25k a year job hahahahahaha.  you need to be something SPECIAL.

you need to be SUPER SPECIAL just to be an aveage 25k NORMIE. whats wrong with THAT logic?

anyway i looked at saors facebook and he seems like a good goy and took those stupid things out of his ears and is really a very handsome man who probably has a GF and he clearly luvs spending time in the beautiful nature, really quite jelly of that.

i know he sees that and he luvs it deep in the marrow of his bones, and something he cant explain, is very happy to be a Scotsman! Thats the type of stuff that we in the alt right are ALL ABOUT.

but what about us amerifats? i mean i feel a deep nostalgic connection to certain locations where i grew up, lived near, etc, that have NOTHING TO DO with the Land Of Muh Blood, which would be largely in poland somewhere. but I would luv to go there and visit that land to, and have no doubt i could establish a connection to it!

i guess he lives in glasgow? and he is pro scottish independence. what is he gonna say when glasgow gets overrun with mudslims and nonwhites?  im sure theyre already there, but im also sure its nowhere near as bad as london.

yeah i would go see that show. and he used to play shows. i think he said something like he was gonna stop cuz its too big of a pain. come on. play one show a year in the fookin highlands or some shit hahaha.

ok yeah hes YOUNG but hes been very PROLIFIC, doing shit for like the past 10 years as well, since he was SUPER young, having many other projects other than saor.

GOOD FOR HIM. GOOD GOY. have some HUHWHYTE children.

use a TAPE MEASURE to actually measure your waist, legs, chest, and neck, and write those on a small card that you can put in your wallet or Money Clip or just bring with you when you need to buy clothes. measure your waist at your Belly Button, and measure your legs from the bottom of your Dangling Nuts, down to where you want the bottom of the pants to be. for chest, measure at the widest part of your chest, probably around the Nips hahahaha.

and you can redo those whenever you lose or gain weight, really just before you go out to buy clothes.

the main thing for me is not having that kind of tape measure, but i am sure i could buy one at walmart for 2 bucks hahaha.

why doesnt trvmp pick ANN COULTER for some sort of job. she would be great. shes probably the best woman out there. if he needs a woman somewhere in there he should pick ann coulter. just wanted to make it clear that i dont hate all women, i like ann coulter.

2016-11-30-19_40_13-2016-11-30-19_38_53-cardamom-1-0-02_0-04-no-limit-holdem-replay-13404437

hehehehe i win such big potz when i get quads hahahahaha

annoying muslim phd professor b1tch wearing hijab and kvetching about islamophobia and the terrorism of white supremacists hahahaha hahaha

oh yeah i got those ridiculous winter boots at walmart…..ok i already discussed that. i mean i dont know why that makes me so happy hahaha but i will take it.

am i spending money in a bipolar, manic impulsive way? i mean i have been spending a lot of money lately.

i mean i am privileged to have savings to spend. normies dont have this. in fact its this savings which has enabled me to become a damn FRAGILE NEET NEVERGF LOSER.

shitlibs always use the word “FOLKS”. black folks, white folks, muslim folks, it sounds stupid hahahaha.

maybe i wont bring the coffee on the first day because they might be anti coffee. that would be pretty gay tho.

heh. watching bill o reilly and he just showed 10 seconds of richard spencer and npi and oreilly called them wacko white supremacists that are just like louis farakhan, idiots saying hitler stuff, of course showed the part where the audience was roman saluting, and oreilly was like these nutty white power racist extremists.

i mean did i really expect msm to treat spencer any differently? no not really hahaha. i just sorta like seeing spencer on msm news. and im sure he does too. but its the wrong damn message! hes getting LIED ABOUT! slandered! libeled!

plus this isnt gonna convert anyone. the fox news watchers will just forget about spencer, or they will believe hes a natzi.

the people who are interested in this stuff ARE GONNA FIND IT. they know how to use the god damn INTERNET hahahaha. im not sure we need to recruit anyone. well, except for rich powerful and or successful people. just like big winners in life. turn THEM from shitlib to alt right. turn them from libertardian or basic bitch fox news conservative to alt right.

wow this fruit of the loom 5 dollar black fleece sweater is very nice hahaha.

dec 1

heh. when it comes to thanksgiving dinners and huge political divides within families and friends, its always the shitlib hillary voters that are all butthurt little crybabies about it. but thats because they LOST. so they are justified in being angry? justified in closing the door on their family? because you cant be in the same family as a bunch of RACIST, SEXIST, HATEFUL WHITE MALES WHO OPPRESS THE WORLD?

thats what it boils down to. it’s amazing that we’ve come to the point where people cant even think of saying, yeah, i admit it, i’m kinda racist, AND THATS NOT A BAD THING.

instead, its THE WORST THING IMAGINABLE. if you are a racist, then you are LITERALLY HITLER because HITLER and the NOTSEES are racist. therefore dapper richard spencer is a nazi, trvmp is a nazi, all trvmp voters are nazis, and you should block them out of your family. and say omg i cant believe my uncle/cousin whatever is a trvmp support racist. TYPICAL WHITE MALE, insecurity and fear. well, at least they’ll be in the minority in 50 years, and the next generations will have it better once this Nazi Race disappears. this is literally what many WHITES think!!!!!

and thats what made me an alt right pro white basically white nationalist hahahaha. i could NOT support people who implicitly supported the disappearance of muh race. whatever you want to call that disappearance. genocide? certainly a gradual, generational death. extinction, extinguishment, snuffing.

no its NOT natural selection because how can you believe whites are not fit enough to SURVIVE?

http://www.metalstorm.net/pub/interview.php?interview_id=745

decent saor interview

http://paganstorm.altervista.org/pagan-storm-intervista-saor/

another one

there are some boring worthless interviews out there too

there should be interviews with people making 25k a year on how they became such an extraordinary person who acheived this extraordinary achievement. or getting a gf hahaha. there should be zines and youtubes and stuff about that. oh yeah theres plenty of pick up artist stuff out there for wannabe negros who want to bang sluts, but not a lot on How To Stop Being A Neet, and how to Start Being a Normie nonneet nonnevergf evergf.

That’s where I come it. That’s my value add. That’s WHY YOU NEED ME hahahaha. pay me. 25k a year. 12.50 an hour. i’d be happy to resolve your issue. serve you. add value.

interview normies on how to become a normie hahaha.

get haircut tomorrow, kinda looking forward to that.

terrible about studying my shit for start of job. not really sure how to study. how do you study something you cant see. i need to SEE shit visually. well thats my WEAKNESS and FRAGILITY and why i am a neet who is so hard to find a job. because i cant just talk to a person on the phone, have them describe something ive never encountered or seen or used, and then fix it for them without ever seeing it, without ever have seeing it in the past. look for this part. where? well, its somewhere in there. look on all sides of the thing. what am i looking for? not sure what it looks like. tell me what you do see. welp lets try them all then, i think these 3 things might be the part were looking for. i uhhh havent done this in a year so i cant remember what the part looks like, and theres no documentation of it, and i cant ask anyone for help, and theres nothing on the internet because its an in house thing, and theres nothing on our in house intranet.

nobody told me the real normie world would be like that! it is like a NEVERENDING final exam filled with trick questions, long story problems, and essay questions, where you get bitched at every time you get 1% wrong, and you dont have anywhere to turn to for help except a book that reads like it was written by chinese joos! and people bitch at you for being dumb because you cant make sense out of it. all day every day. 50 hours a week. the weirdest most unexpected shit happening, feel like your brain is going to explode at all times.

then YOU explode and start punching people in the face, grabbing b1tches by the pvssy, shouting n1993r n199er n1993r and get fired hahaha.

chill out with the ff piano collections.

dream and yearn for the day you might find an MJ connection hahahahaha and 420 blaze it ph4ggot once again.

ff10 music is prob best imo hahahaha

no its just the one im most familiar with.

holy shit that is so relaxing. listen to this shit and chill the fook out. sm0ke mj if you got it. i dont care if its nonwhite. japanese are only acceptable nonwhites. also this shit is very white inspired. this is japanese paying homage to whites. YOUR WELCOME.

is it paranoid of me to think that when someone says “welcome” instead of “youre welcome” in like a Work Chat, esp with you asking them for help, that that means they think youre stupid and you are wasting their precious time with your stupid questions? so they show that by not even taking the time to fully say YOURE welcome?

or am i paranoid and overanalyzing shit again?

when i used to get overwhelmed and confused at the complex shit at my job…..suddenly i lost my ability to understand even SIMPLE things. i would get confused by SIMPLE things that I used to understand. lost ability to understand all nuance. i needed EVERYTHING explained like I was 5. this sucks.

like explain to me the difference between scots and irish hahaha. besides the obvious “answer” that one comes from scotland and one comes from ireland. well what about scots irish? ulster scots? the picts? the gaels? the scots language? the gaelic language? viking/scand influence?

explain all THAT shit to me like im 5 hahaha.

the gig economy. it has NO positives. NONE. it simply means you cant go to one job for 40 hours a week and make a living that way. you have to cobble together 100 different freelance jobs with no schedule or predictability just so you can make 25k a year. you have less time for yourself and your family and your race. and your god hahaha. and your CHILDREN.

its just like these sharing services are not good at all. it simply means a normie person cant AFFORD a car or a bike or a tiny apartment.  or anything. you just rent EVERYTHING and never own it. because ownership is what white male oppressor capitalist nazis do, maannnnnnnn. its BAD to own shit. its SLAVERY. yeah well so is making so little money you have to rent your damn clothes hahahaha.

im renting this 12 dollar poplin shirt from walmart. im renting my SHOES from walmart for 2 dollars a month hahaha.

i mean yeah with CARS, i hate CARS, and if you could get away with not needing to use a car, fine. but you need a car to drive to your job 6 days a week and then Chores on the 7th. renting a car would be more expensive than owning a car.

i mean thats how these shitlibs, whites included, view the White Race: WHITES = NAZIS. Similar to how people hated the Germans after ww2, and now germans are cucky and pathetic and opening the door to their extinction. same thing is happening with whites in general. oh whites did the holocaust. whites did slavery. whites did all this imperial colonialism shit. whites do sweatshops in china. whites start all the wars in the world. whites are nazis. whites are oppressors. whites NEED to step down, whites NEED to be stopped. im white and i acknowledge whites need to be stopped.

that is the Root Belief these people believe, and I couldnt disagree with it more, which is mainly why I became a White Nationalist hahahahahaha.

You know, I might even allow a maximum of 10% nonwhites in my White Nation! the most talented, useful, productive, peaceful, best of nonwhites, and they would have to Assimilate fully into white culture. and breed with each other only, not whites.

then what about the kids. i mean one day some white slut is inevitably gonna have a brown baby.

well i guess as long as the percentage is kept to no higher than 10%, it shouldnt really be a problem.

how about 5% hahahaha.

we can keep the joos out altogether because they are the most antiwhite race there ever was or will be.

joos are the real fooking cancer on the human race, not whites.

its not really a culture of critique as much as it is a culture of subversion, poisoning, and destruction. a cancer culture.

they are by far my least favorite race and i still dont HATE them in the way shitlibs say racists HATE people. i will never personally encourage violence against joos. i just would like them out of my country, in my ideal world.

individually i can talk to and get along with joos. but as a whole, they gotta go. hey they can have a nice life in israel. its like a fooking resort country. very high quality of life in israel. great health care, total first world country. good jobs, good gun laws, hahahaha. just go to fooking israel. PLEASE. and fook these dual citizenship joos. go to israel and STAY there.

because DA JOOZ are the reason i cant get a woman or a job. they have turned all women into disgusting cvm guzzling wh0res. hahahaha.

well, they HAVE encouraged promiscuity and degeneracy and casual sex and pornography and sexualization of everything!

 

ITS NOT WORF IT

nov 26

yeah you know what now i have a damn desire to play that ff6 gaym. even though its not AWESOME. its merely PLAYABLE.

like a BOSS I just shaved for the very first time with an Old Fashioned Safety Razor. I was ECSTATIC. it was DELIGHTFUL.

https://www.walmart.com/ip/Van-Der-Hagen-Traditional-Heavy-Duty-Razor-6-pc/37482632?action=product_interest

so yeah not a top shelf MERKUR(R) razor, but tbh I am completely satisfied, expectations exceeded even.

every surprise was a pleasant surprise. i thought i would butcher muh face with it. i absolutely did not, even wielding the blade someway carelessly.

i guess you have to use somewhat shorter strokes because it gets less with each swipe, but thats not a big deal at all. takes a little longer. not super duper FAST.

but it did not leave muh neckbeard all red and irritated like if i were using the normal electric razor.

i guess to keep it working well i will have to change the blades regularly hahahaha, which is not something i am likely to do hahahaha.

but yeah overall, 10/10, highly recommended, great pleasurable activity. i did not even use fancy Shaving Butter or Mug stuff, just some old ass shaving cream that was almost spent.

started reading DBT book, it was ok. it starts out recommending Radical Acceptance, which is you basically saying it is what it is. accepting that whatever bad shit has happened. dont blame. blaming them or blaming yourself doesnt help you manage the suffering. keeps you suffering longer.

well i was already ok at this. i accepted what happened. didnt mean i had to respect it. this is why I say, ACCEPT IT, DONT RESPECT IT, when some fool tells you to “RESPECT HER DECISION.” fook NO you dont have to RESPECT it. you can say this is SHITTY AS FOOK. but you can still ACCEPT it. like yes that happened. i will try not to blame her or myself too much.

this event is the result of OVER A MILLION prior decisions. This even HAD to happen. hehehehe. you basically observe the painful event and say yeah this painful event happened and i dont have to like it hahahaha.

then yu DISTRACT yourself from the event to keep your emotions from running too high. distract but don’t avoid.

the book gives you a list of 100 pleasurable activities. some of the shit is bona fide DEGEN, like “masturbate” or “have secs with someone you like” the latter of which is not NECESS degen, but I snorted and scoffed at the NONNEVERGF PRIVILEGE on full display here!

i mean MAYBE I should have saved and spend more money on the fanciest fooking razor in the world, instead of paying 16 dollars for a razor made in CHINA, spend 30 dollars on an actual merkur razor made in GERMANY…..and if i ever get tired of this Chinee Razor, I will do just that.

i dunno. i just like holding and looking at the razor. best present to self ever. a true alt right pro white razor hahaha. this is how richard spencer shaves hahaha. again shaving is degenerate, jooish, and pedophilic hahahaha but when you have to shave your face to have the privilege of slaving for joos, and be a semiproud white working man, you should use a masculine, classic, traditional, stainless steel / chrome Safety Razor.

i think if you use a STRAIGHT razor, thats where you can really cut yourself.

they call this thing a SAFETY razor because it has a little metal strip under the blade so you dont stab or gouge yourself. normal mach 3 razors have these too hehehe. only they are made of plastic or a gay “lubricating strip.”

its ridiculous how much i like this stupid RAZOR hahahaha. i mean i have been thinking of getting one for MONTHS and now that i went and got one i am very very very happy with it hehehe. i cant explain it but I am thankful for it. will bask in the good vibes hahaha. so if you have something like this, something simple and not horribly expensive, then Treat Yourself to a little present. note i am not talking about big ticket purchases. dont spend money you dont have on a CAR or buy a 5000 dollar TV, TVs are almost always a bad idea, plus TV is degen jooish poison. clothes can be nice, but a lot of clothes are SUPER overpriced. hard to find a good deal on good clothes. just go to walmart.

also this final fantasy 6 game is sucking me in more and more. using a walkthrough to help me hahahaha

http://www.gamefaqs.com/snes/554041-final-fantasy-iii/faqs/73586?single=1

now this guy is autistic. well thats not fair to say. he writes with pure luv for the game.

nov 27

yep interview early tomorrow morning. dont even want the job. if on a 1/28 chance  (3.5%) i am offered the job, i prob WOULDNT take it, even though it is full time.

because its much further away, the pay is prob about the same per hour (11-12 an hour) and theres no benefits and no guarantee of hours. plus i sort of know the people in the “new job” i am going to and the ones i dont really know seem nice, plus i like the relaxed pace of the whole organization hahaha.

hmmm yep i am officially on board this damn ff6. might as well enjoy it. be thankful for it. use it to distract myself from negative thoughts of how all women are evil whores and how i will never make more than 13k a year and never become a husband and father hahahahhaa.

nov 27

was so in luv with new chinee van der hagen razor i used it again today with fresh barbasol shaving cream. i dont know how long the blades last. avoiding preparing for stupid interview at 830 am tomorrow, monday. got to get up at 545 am noooooo. also want to do 2 errands in addition to that.

hey shit why should they tell me the job only pays 11 dollars an hour. why tell me ANYTHING. just let me dig and show intiative by trying to find out. heh. referring to job int tomorrow morning. 830 am. get up at 530 hahaha. prepped for interview a bit. printed out shit. found out awards the hospital won, some basic info, 2015 revenue, number of employees, ceo name, oh i see you have gotten a new supply chain director can you tell me how that will impact the procurement in this department, when the average employee in the department is a GED black who gets hired without knowing what the word procurement means hahahahaha.  not that i really know what it means. it related to buying and purchasing.

i dunno. normies arent stupid but they arent hella smart either. they arent constantly SELLING shit and EXPLAINING shit and having to CHARM and SELL and CONVINCE and ARGUE like a goddamn snake oil salesman 24 7. theyre just not that CHARMING. shit at this point, I am more charming than them.

so many average, perfectly average, 100 IQ, 90 IQ people have adult jobs and make 26k a year and have houses and gfs and wives and children and families.

well we already determined i only have 105 IQ, so im not as smart as i think i am. i am not an intellectual. but i am not a doer or a man of action either! usually when you are dumber like this, you have more courage, more energy, less anxiety, are happier, a better worker, not as neurotic. so i got the worst of both worlds. super intelligent, 130 IQ people might be anxious and cowardly, but they can usually make like 50k a year with their Big Brains On Bret.

nov 28

sheeeeet got up at 530, interview at 830, it went ok, i sorta sailed through it, they wanted to move quickly i sensed, but they were nice about it. i mean even if they offer the job i will refuse it hahahaha. there was a very pretty 25 year old HR gurl, surprised I didnt lose my shit there.

i reined myself in from giving super long rambling answers. just kept it short. showed that i learned about the company, rattled off a few figures and numbers and awards.

i would be actually kinda pissed to actually get an offer here, like damn why could i perform well for this job but not one of the ones i REALLY wanted?

is it possible that i went down to a 32 waist? I mean its not unheard of. back in the day i used to be. a very very long time ago. i barely remember it. then i was like ahhhhhh 34 is much more comfortable. then it was hmm these 34s are getting a little snug, ahhhhhhhh this 36 is much better hahahahahahaha.

i was thinking that if you got a h00ker, she would PROBABLY know how to get you drvgs too. so are all h00kers drvg dealers? that seems a little much.  but i would def say that all h00kers KNOW drug dealers because all h00kers are drvg ADDICTS hahahahahahaha. so you could PROBABLY pay a hooker not only for secs, but for the service of Procurement of drvgs hahahaha.

maybe the h00ker has a medical MJ card. you pay the hooker to go to the dispensary and buy you whatever. you can even drive her there. i don’t know if you will be allowed to go in though.

sheeeeeeit this goddamn hospital job is contacting muh references. the one reference i am most friendly with just emailed me and forwarded me the think that the hospital emailed to them.

i quickly emailed back and said thank you thank you, well nows a good time to tell you, but i am coming back to your/our organization for muh new job, and would probably turn down this hospital job. it just figures THEY would check my references. and not any of the OTHER jobs I really wanted. anything to make MY decision harder. because i will be turning down an Essentially Full Time Job for a damn Part Time job.

took some nyquil and now it is kicking in hehe.

sheeeeit. then they will contact my OTHER reference, who actually works RIGHT NOW in the department I will be working in. worst case scenario they will tell the boss i am still out there interviewing and the boss will revoke muh offer, after i refuse the offer from the hospital hahahaha and then am back with no job, after getting offered 2 jobs hahahaha. when if i DIDNT have this skool job, THEN i would take the hospital offer.

this is classic negative thinking. most likely she will say nothing and i will mention it when i see her, like oh did the hospital call you, yeah that was an interview i had scheduled before i got this offer, but i didnt want to cancel the hospital interview, just so i could get more practice. i honestly didnt think they’d like me, i REALLY didnt think they’d call references, I REALLY REALLY REALLY didnt think theyd give me an offer. I did 27 interviews and only got 1 offer. its stupid that I do 28 interviews and get 2 offers. no gambler would gamble on those odds.  when you are used to interviewing and nothing happening as I am, you start to think interviews dont really matter.

unbelievable. 27 interviews to get one offer, then get a second offer on the 28th hahahaha. well thats not true. never forget that i was offered the post office job. city carrier assistant. but i turned that down because i was too big of a soft sissy pvssy hahahaha who wasnt willing to WORK HARD. but i dont tell anybody about this one, this is my big secret hahaha. because people would say WHY DIDNT YOU TAKE THAT JOB MONTHS AGO and i cant just say because mel carriere wrote some very persuasive articles on the internet hahaaha. they ARE very well writtten articles!

so am i making a HUGE MISTAKE by turning down this hospital job in favor of the skool job?

do i really think i made a HUGE MISTAKE turning down the post office job?

well not REALLY but i BARELY survived until I got another job offer.

if i had not gotten that skool job offer i would definitely not turn down the hospital job. which is nowhere near as scary as the post office job.

heh trying to download ff12 ps2 gaym. how fast or slow will this gaym play. if at all. that was a great game for a newer game. it really was.

maybe i made a big mistake by picking one job over the other.

hehehe. well at least they arent WOMEN. ill get over picking one job over the other hehe. but if i had to choose between two women……i mean shit. usually you dont have a CHOICE. you just get rejected and rejected. until the ONE time you get a YES……you get TWO yeses. JEEZUM CROW.

heh. wish i had just CANCELLED this interview the moment i got the other job offer hehehe.

i have known to be super regretful of mistakes i made, for years, of things i didnt do hahahahaha.

again. that is not regarding a job! i am not super regretful i didnt take the post office job. i am not super regretful i did not accept the americorps offer in 2006/7, even though that would have drastically changed my life, probably for the better.

do i regret taking the new job in late 2013? kind of, yes. i regret saying YES to that, more than i regret saying NO to other shit hahahaha.

so anyway this will basically be my time machine back to 2013. except i will be 3 years old. last 3 years, totally wasted hahahahaha. 1.5 years working horrible job, 1.5 years being horribly jobless. during that 3 years, i was Just Friends with That Woman for about 10 or 11 months, I was hopeless in luv for about 9 months, and then Heartbroken and Finished for like 16 months hahahahaha. out of those 36 months of stupid pointless abortive bullshit.

well at least i know not to leave my job for another job LIKE THAT. taught me a lesson about FIT. similar reason as to why i rejected the post office job.

that was a big problem. when i got the job in 2013, i didnt do ANY damn research on it. i didnt say, IS THIS A CALL CENTER? do i think it might be difficult workign in a call center?

well maybe i did, maybe i wanted to challenge myself, plus she will be there to help me.

i think i saw it as growing out of my comfort zone and challenging myself……which is GOOD. and it was GOOD to be able to meet that challenge. to prove it to myself.

so i did better than expected! I actually GREW and IMPROVED in life! GAINED SKILLS!

but then it all came crashing down later.

nov 29

i feel like a WOMAN, having big decisions to make and doing it all based on whimsical EMOTION hahaha. and makign big mistakes in the process: saying yes to the bad and saying no to the good hahahaha.

yeah but really. its not that cut and dry with this job situation. i am blowing it out of proportion. as i tend to do. its not like this skool job is a BAD thing. i just have to remember to not stay too long hahahaha. but i have a tendency to do that too. distract myself “TAKING CLASSES” that go nowhere and then BOOM 3 years gone.

so if i take classes again, take classes that DO go somewhere. ie a definite program with a definite certificate or end date.

again as muh DBT book would say, i am living in the future and not the present moment hahahaha.

using a TIME MACHINE to spend way too much time worrying about the FUTURE or regretting the PAST. yes i do both these things a lot.

i would say, dont worry about having huge regrets about jobs you didnt take. jobs are jobs. instead, have regrets about PEOPLE who you did wrong, left in the lurch, betrayed, cheated on, insulted, hurt, etc.

PEOPLE ARE MORE IMPORTANT THAN JOBS.

i might DISAPPOINT people but I never HURT people.

heh. i would rather people felt sorry for me than hate me. i dont want to hurt people or do them WRONG.

i never want to break a persons heart hahahaha. and i have succeeded in that goal.

i mean i guess i could have broken muh familys heart by being such a huge failure at life, but i dont think i did hahahaha. which i guess is good?

i couldnt imagine breaking somebodys heart! yet MOST women have broken SEVERAL hearts starting from a young age! if i HAD to break somebodys heart, i would damn sure do everything humanly possible to Soften The Blow. NOT do ABSOLUTELY NOTHING. I would made a DAMN good faith effort to Soften The Blow. Not Nothing. hehehehe.

once TRVMP gets in there and DRAINS THE SWAMP things are gonna be good hahahahhahaha.

make american great again, make women good again, make america huhwhyte again hahahaha.

so yeah women dont have a REAL appreciation of how babies are made hahaha.

was watching a clip of Teen Moms hahaha where the baby daddy was fighting with the baby momma about how she will Open Her Legs for Any Man, thats how [our baby] came about. Don’t you know thats how babies are made? do you want more babies? dont you RESPECT HOW BABIES ARE MADE? you dont have any respect for ME, you dont have any respect for how babies are made, yet you claim to luvvvvvvv our baby, how can I believe that after you threw me away and now you’re pregnant again by this thuggish guy you just met on tinder?

all very very good points hahahaha.

if you REALLY luv your little bundle of joy, DONT go around repeating the Life Creation Process that led to this special beautiful little person, with just ANY RANDOM MAN!!!!!! dont you see the disconnect there? choose a man who is as special as that little baby!

SHAME THESE SLUTS!!!!!

and i say all this because I worry that That Woman is going out and Enjoying Her Life meeting and Fooking men from Tinder.

but that’s her right!

YES, its her right, but that doesnt mean i have to LIKE it!

the related issue is that I dont WANT to care about this, i dont even want to THINK about this!

last night I had some kind of horrible terrifying nightmare while I was in the depths of a nyquil sleep, so it was very very hard to pull myself out of. but thankfully I cant remember any details of it because of the deep nyquil sleep. I also had a dream i remember a little better where i was being Bullied by my roommates, when they used to be nice to me. now they had done a 180 and it was very frustrating.

right after TRVMP won I think they tried to Tame His Twitter. but then soon after that, you could clearly tell which tweets he was writing, vs the softened ones his team was writing. i am glad he still writes his own controversial tweets.

did you know theres no label to click “starred” that lets you view all your gmail Starred emails, like there is with the “important” emails? theres really no difference between starred and important.  you can click on important and show important. but to show all starred, you have to type “is:starred”. this is very easy, and indeed you can just type “star” and it will give you the option is:starred, but its the principle of the matter. “starred” should be on that clickable list to the left.

on first day of job i will bring 1 dozen donuts. will also bring a large folgers coffee container and say this is for everybody, i know its pretty middle tier coffee but it is what it is, I’ll drink it at least. if they say they dont have a coffee maker, then i will buy a cheapo one for 20$ from walmart. if they say great we luv coffee and already have a coffee maker, i will assertively set up a rotation to buy coffee not greater in proportion than the amount of Community Coffee I consume hahahaha.

if they bitch at me for giving them free coffee thats not fancy enough, ill bantz them right back and be like, well pay me 30 dollars an hour like YOU make! as long as im buying the coffee, you drink 11 dollar an hour coffee like the plebs! you drink 13k a year coffee, not 60k a year coffee hahaha. you make 4 times more than i do, my coffee will be 4 times cheaper than yours.

well ok its crimmus, i’ll buy nice coffee just this once.

cuz i was thinking of treating myself by buying Fancy Organic Coffee for crimmus.

maybe I should buy a ton of pens, post it notes, and little notepads hahahahaha. and some Reams of Paper. so the department doesnt have to cut into their budget to buy Office Supplies hahahahaha.

THATS how you Bribe people ethically hahahaha. really ADD VALUE and SAVE MONEY. i mean teachers buy school supplies for their students. and stuff like kleenex because theres no room in the budget for stuff like that. because all the money goes to pensions of teachers who retired at age 50 hahahahahahaha.

now it takes till age 35 of subbing like a bitch before you can even GET a full time teaching job hahaha. gotta PAY YOUR DUES.

anyway. i touched on some VERY IMPORTANT ideas yesterday that I amazingly dont examine too much: that time in november & december 2013 when i left muh old job and started muh new job, a process which heavily involved That Woman and did not involve nearly as much deep careful thought as muh current job search.

now i DID manage to Grow and Improve beyond my Comfort Zone. but the downside i was in a much more stressful situation which also led me to have a Snapping Breakdown. i did learn legit good great things….but IT WASNT WORF IT. it was a net negative.

i Just Went With The Flow because it was EASY, I did have to do anything but go along with my female friend, who was essentially presenting this new job to me. I KNEW that I needed to move on from muh current job at the time, because it wasnt a real job, and i was getting complacent, i needed a Kick In The Pants, and I figured this was it.

But it WAS! I wasnt wrong about that. I JUST WISH I had tried harder to get Other Jobs Elsewhere. like i wasnt trying really hard at all. I didnt have a good Packet. I wasnt even really DOING a job search, just applying here and there, very few and far between.

i also didnt want to talk myself out of it, because I knew i NEEDED a kick in the pants.

so i guess i tried to be willfully ignorant of the idea that it was a Call Center, because I figured rightly that that would give me cold feet.

yeah i needed kick in the pants, yeah i needed to be pushed out of comfort zone, yeah i couldnt have known exactly how bad Call Centers Are….i dunno. this was a confusing time too. you dont know whether you should listen to your gut, because your gut has been wrong before, or at least not terribly RIGHT. your gut has kept you stuck in a rut.

so yeah i cant even say trust your gut. and i wish i could trust it! well i can trust it to keep me SAFE in the comfort zone. but it DOES keep me from taking the RISKS you need to take to change and grow. because those same risks can lead to pain and suffering and great great loss hahahaha. losing literally YEARS of your life.

shit if i had listened to my gut i would have saved three years of my life on this one hahahaha.

but at the time i figured i needed kick in the pants, and also that this was a sign from GOD that he put my female friend in my life to help get me a new job, which i really needed. and I really needed a female friend too!

too bad both things turned out to be really shitty hahahaha.  a real shit elephant.

no i am not butthurt at GOD, THAT much. although I do wonder WHY exactly did I HAVE to learn this stupid lesson? IT WASNT WORF IT.

(is this brad dourif on this old episode of tj hooker playing an absolutely insane demon possessed madman? is that literally the only role he ever plays? hahahaha. it kinda looks like him but im not sure its him. ok im thinking its not him. it just looks like him and is totally a character he would play. also now i am seeing that brad dourif sorta looks like stefan molyneux hahahahahaha. EPISODE#: 1.2 “The Streets” AIRDATE: 03.20.82   Gary Frank  as”Arlen Williams” ok case closed its not brad dourif. source http://www.tj-hooker.com/episodes/episodepages/1-2.html )

yeah the lesson wasnt WORF it. tell your female friends RIGHT AWAY when you fall in luv with them. dont ever take a job in a call center. i lost 3 fookin years of my life just to learn those lessons? WASNT WORF IT!

so yeah i dont REALLY REGRET taking that job, leaving my old job. I dont like throwing 3 years away for nothing, but I can also totally understand why I did what I did. It was a tough choice that could have gone either way, and i have very solid reasons for choosing what i did. I had no way of knowing it would turn out as bad as it did!

but yeah things would have been a lot better if i just stayed where i was hahahahahaha. great lesson. never take risks so you might grow, because you might also fall behind hahahaha.

so yeah. i guess it really wouldnt pay off to examine this period of time. because it would have been NICE if i had acted differently, but i can TOTALLY see why i did what i did, and i dont REALLY regret it, but I am kinda regretful of the Possible Brighter Future I could have had, if i stayed. but i dont know that! maybe horrible shit would have happened then!

like what? lose muh job and lose muh luv? I just cant see things happening nearly as bad. I prob would have grown apart naturally from That Woman and NEVER fallen in luv with her. Or maybe I would have realized at that time that i was in luv with her. but at least i wouldnt be working with her at a godawful ticking time bomb of a job! and she prob would have rejected me nicer! and i would still have an easy job to work at!

so yeah, i dont think things could have gotten worse, unless i started drinking again and stalked her or something. but if i didnt do that NOW, when things were horrible, i wouldnt do them THEN, when things would have been a lot better.

so yeah, i pretty much DO know that things would have been better hahahahahaha.

but i also had no way of knowing things would turn out THIS bad. i didnt think they would!!!!!

so yeah a bit of a nagging feeling, but not quite a Big Life Regret, that if i had stayed, muh life would have been a lot better hahaha.  in terms of not Incurring Yuge Pain and Prolonged Suffering hahahaha.

i mean i DID grow in important ways. i learned how to deal with people better. well, in terms of handling ridiculous situations and bullshitting with customers who needed to be CONVINCED of shit. was not good at dealing with Women hhehehehe. or Stressful Situations hahaha. but some things i did get better at dealing with. and I also got a LOT better at Job Searching and Interviewing!!! that might not have been worth it, but it WAS very valuable.

i uhhh also lost a LOT of weight, like 20% of muh body weight, so that is kinda a big deal. nothing to sneeze at.

became a job searching, interviewing machine, taking rejection after rejection after rejection after rejection after rejection after rejection after rejection after rejection after rejection after rejection after rejection after rejection after rejection after rejection after rejection after rejection after rejection after rejection after rejection after rejection after rejection for months and months and months. It was starting to get pretty discouraging though!

hehehe. my nice reference who emailed me yesterday with what they wrote to the hospital, i thanked them immediately of course, AND THEN I TOOK a few choice sentences that they wrote yesterday, AND ADDED THEM INTO the recommendation letter that they wrote for me over 3 years ago which I use today in The Packet. Making that recommendation letter even MORE glowing.

if you have the chance to do that, do that. its kinda dishonest but I KNOW the person would not mind. I am not putting words in their mouth, simply taking two things they said at two different times, for the same purpose, and combining them into one letter.

HOW TO JOB SEARCH

Nov 19 2016

so when i need to start doing it again in no longer than 9 months, i can jump right back into it.

– uhhh go to indeed and change all the best alerts to “daily” and or unpause them. i dont think i really DELETED anything.
– use The Packet but make sure res, CL, are updated with New Experience. IDEALLY would have some new reference letters and reference phone numbers as well.
– update linkedin
– update indeedresume
– get some new people to write LINKEDIN recs, ie that get posted on linkedin site
– use the jop app minutes spreadsheet which captures all the important information.
– early apps might take longer because they involve rewriting documents and stuff. thats ok, count those minutes, and then the average will come down in the long run to like 14 minutes.
– its ok to take longer than 14 minutes to make a really good application
– put all the stuff called for in the spreadsheet
– study cases and calls at new job
– WRITE DOWN WORK STORIES THE DAY THAT THEY HAPPEN
– have a book of the Top Ten Work Stories
– can embellish or change those to make myself into the hero. important thing is that i write them down as soon as they happen, and make them as DETAILED as possible.
– 14 words hahahaha
– have To Do Jobs Bookmark Folder
– RENAME bookmarks as you set them, with “cl 11/20, 26k, any other info that doesnt appear in actual title”. this way you can easily see and arrange the bookmarks in order of date they close. if no date given, assume 7 days. or earlier, depending on how desireable the job seems. at some point every day or few days, arrange the new bookmarks into order.
– move completed bookmarks to COMPLETED folder. folders of bookmarks is the idea here. very powerful.
– then have easy links to job postings can put in job apps spreadsheet
– when in doubt, add a bookmark, dont HAVE to apply for it.
– set DAILY alerts on indeed for top companies, so can get emails as SOON as they are posted

yeah i mean The Packet is about as sophisticated and powerful as its gonna get. just never delete all copies of it. hahahaha. look for most recent version in google drive / job work related. hard to miss. then update it.

the getting detailed AND epic AND heroic WORK STORIES is the other very important thing to remember. write them down the day of, get as many little details as possible, can always edit later.

WRITE DOWN WORK STORIES ASAP
WORK STORIES
WORK STORIES
DETAILS DETAILS DETAILS
EPIC HEROIC MIRACULOUS.

Im not sure I shared this thing with yall yet. this was an evernote note I wrote for myself so that I wouldnt forget how to job search, for when I NEED to push myself to start job searching again in 6 to 9 months. wrote it shortly after I got The Offer and put muh job search on Pause. anyway there is some good stuff in there.