aug 9

well i thought about writing her an email saying sorry for SCARING you, i didnt want to SCARE you, but it kinda cant be helped when someone is acting like a crazy person to you, that is truly scary. i was/am scaring myself. but im really not that crazy of a person, i would never hurt her, i just go crazy sometimes. i guess its anxiety more than anything.  i guess it could be manic stage, but its usually brought on by extreme stress or heartbreak or rejection and a bunch of stuff happening all at once. it only happens about once every 10 years hahaha and usually due to stress in life and is probably just nerves and anxiety rather than crazy per se.

aug 11

well i started writing that email and it was a pretty good email, i do write pretty good emails, then i “deleted” it because really what good would it do me, its another chance for me to reach out to her and her not to respond, cuz thats what i really want is a response. she could write me something saying sorry for refusing to talk about this, and for just wanting to throw everything away. besides i am in more pain than she is hahahaha. she can still do her job and take care of herself and have 10 boifrans in luv with her.

i mean she may have been a little scared but not debilitated. i feel like a damn disabled person hahahah might need to get social security disability. get on the disability express like all these stupid sleazy lawyer commercials they show during the day while responsible normalfags like her are at work and crazy psycho lazy losers like me quit their jobs hahahaha.

there was a lot wrong with the job, that literally took all my powers to maintain, and as soon as one thing got added, it was too much to handle. you were always just one step away from the edge.

just sucks cuz you think you know somebody, you think that there was at least enough appreciation for you from them that they would treat you a little better than this. i didnt treat her bad, i was a little SCARY sure. fook it.

watching this stupid show called “snapped” on the oxygen network or some shit where they have true crime stories of people killing their lovers or spouses and such. yesterday they had a man in wisconsin who was killed by a rejected x-lover who was in luv with him, but he wanted to ditch her, yet she was obsessed with him, and he was dating a new 50 year old woman, and the first woman could not take it any more, and K’d him, convicted, currently in jail.

i dont even know if i can watch pr0n because you think “is this what all women are capable of? could she do this same filth? probably. either way she is fooking other guys yet she wouldnt even do me the courtesy of TALKING to me.”

so yeah i guess now there is more anger happening.

either way i can barely imagine going back to working with her, even seeing her one hour a day. how come other people dont get strong feelings like this? theres people there right now who have been fooked and rejected yet they work with the rejector for 8 hours a day and manage to get over it. and here i go crazy even if i dont see her at all.

i just hope i would never do anything too stupid. i mean with woman3 i hated her and referred to her as my “NEMESIS.” and it was a pretty strong hate the likes of which i had not really felt for any one person, and i feel it could start to get similar here. well then OBVIOUSLY the best thing you can do is stay away from them.

what could have prevented this? a big talk? what if we had a big talk, and that escalated into a huge argument  whe she stormed off, i never want to talk to you again, and then same results. i probably would have ended up doing the same thing. to be honest. like if we had a talk, and the talk went bad. hmm suprised i never thought of that. maybe i am thinking more clearly now hahahaha.

i strangely thought that if we talked, it would automatically be a good talk. but really theres a very good chance it would have been a shitty talk and resolved NOTHING. and been just as productive as the No Talk we actually had.

weird. i could communicate and wrote some very moving touching expressive communicative emails which would have made anyone with a heart cry and say “he’s clearly hurting, let’s talk gently about this”, but i couldn’t Deal With Life. She can Deal With Life, but she can’t communicate For Shit.

heh. i would rather be able to Deal With Life than Communicate. Actions speak louder than words and all i have is words hahahahaha.

maybe the guilt will eat her alive.

maybe she will get pregnant by a badboy, then, knowing that i am in luv with her, come back to me at that point, pretend to be in love with me, get me to bang her ASAP (which you have to do if you want a chance with a woman you like, or else she’ll think you dont really like her, plus she gives the pvssy up to guys she’s only known for a couple HOURS anyway, so why not), and then be like oops im preggers, now take care of your child, when its really the badboy deadbeats child.

she might pull one of those huge cuck moves on me, shit, she surprised me with the way she totally left me hanging, i didnt think she was that kind of person, i thought she thought more of me, so that really destroys my trust in her.

i was worried i destroyed her trust in me by “hiding secret feelings.” but i was giving enough signals to come across as WEIRD, pretty much for months. i gave signals and expressed a desire to hang out and talk the instant the feelings started in october. by february things had gotten WEIRD cuz i was still begging to talk “can we please hang out next month if you dont wanna hang out this month?”. so by that time i should have of course blurted it out, because it was obvious we weren’t gonna have a mature talk about it.

but yeah i worried i destroyed her trust in me by lying to her. really she could have been more concerned about how she was destroying MY trust in her!!!!!! cuz i used to trust her, back when we were friends, and she clearly trusted me.

it is just INSANE though how it all went down. i dont think i am THAT out of order for wishing we could have talked about it. even just written emails.

had a couple of super lazy days. could not even force myself to go for powerjog. or do anything. sleeping with the rosary next to me so i can clutch it when i wake up. thankfully i have been sleeping at night some. but then you wake up and think oh shit now heres this insane reality where everything has hit rock bottom.

i was watching the Jilted Lovers show regarding that woman who was obsessively in love with the man, they were talking to his relatives who said, it was obvious it was one sided, she was just a Booty Call to him (the woman was 47 years old and NOT attractive in the least!) but she was in love with him, would come over and cook for him and do all this nice stuff for him, what was he supposed to do, just say no?

actually YES, he should have had the decency to be like this has got to stop NOW, he should have ended that YEARS ago, he should have said, welp its obviously you’re obsessed with me, how about we just end this now, rather than me keep allowing you to see me and fook me and cook for me etc. so yeah i think he had some moral responsibility to do that, but he just seemed like a not super morally developed extravert life of the party normalfag, while she was an introvert.

but me and the woman were both introverts! we got along very very well at the beginning! we had similar personalities, similar values! she wasnt some kind of extravert normalfag skank!

oh well just goes to show we can never really know anybody hahahaha. you can know somebody for 3 years and not really know them AT ALL, even when you think you know them and trust them. nope. not even a little bit. why the fook would you.

yep getting into the anger stage. so that means bargaining is next right? then depression then acceptance.

i dont know, i dont think its necessarily like that. cuz isnt bargaining sort of like denial? theres that sense of desperation, WE CAN STILL MAKE THIS WORK. well yeah you want to, but they dont.

and i thought i was already getting crushing crippling depression the whole time, you mean i haven’t really even reached that phase yet?

so i dont fully buy into that kubler ross stages of grief bullshit.

was debating sending an email, apologizing for being SCARY. i just dont know. im not sure i need to apologize any more, or that sending her anything would help ME. if anything she needs to apologize to ME hahahahaha. so i scared her. big deal, she is able to live with it. in am in more pain than her hahahaha. i am going fookin nuts. its a lot more painful for me to see her, than her to see me. she would be ok with seeing me every day and ignoring me. that would and was driving me crazy after just a couple days.

ok that paragraph was from somewhere else, just reiterating the point that i dont really want to send her ANY more emails. the ball could not be any MORE in her court. and she has never been good about responding when the ball is in her court.

but yeah i just thought i meant more to her than that. just last year before things started going bad she said something to that effect, that i was a good friend and she felt close to me or some shit. of course i should have grabbed her right then and there because that was probably my chance, but i did not feel it then. it was only a few months later that i did. and by that time, there was new boifran, no more feelings talk from her about how i was a special friend, etc. so stupid how a matter of like 3 months TIMING can totally ruin something that could have been good.

how does anyone get together ever? well they are just animal extravert normalfags who fook each other casually and then have babies thats how. they dont really feel anything for each other. thats why they are always cheating on each other.

well now she can become a filthy cheater too, just like EVERYONE ELSE hahahaha.

watching other peoples relships is so sad. its like you always have to have one foot out the door, its like a rule. how and why does anyone get together. its clear they dont really want it. they dont really need the eggs, to refer to “annie hall.”

but yeah she was really the most important person i had met in the past 3 years. even if we couldnt Be Together, i still felt close to her because of the Friendship. and it hurts to just flush that all down the crapper. how could THAT not mean anything to her? well maybe it meant something to her, but now its over, like a stage of life, like say goodbye to your monogamous phase and say hello to you promiscuous nonmonogamous phase. fook phases.

because its not just a one way street. you just cant say ok im done, so its over, see ya. well you CAN, and thats exactly how people have been getting hurt for centuries.

i guarantee there is a better way to reject people though: with compassion; treat them like a human being; communicate with them; pay them a fee; give them a negotiated upon number of Bangs; talk about everything; allow the person to vent all their feelings; let them down softly. dont just throw them into the Miserable Thresher Of Existence. you can let them down softly. dont just let go of their hand and let them drown slowly.

obviously i wouldnt want to FORCE anyone to be with me who didnt want to be with me. that is a recipe for resentment. but so is being fooking abandoned with absolutely no communication. even the other gurls who dumped me at least TOLD me they were dumping me! and pretended to be a teensy bit sorry about it!

so this is a pretty new experience for me, never had the totally 100% abandonment happen yet hahahaha. till now. add it to the encyclopedia of experience.



die nonvirgin scum


uhh peopel should not go to college until they are older than 25 and their growing body and brain has started to settle down and they have gotten a lot of stuff out of their system.

another school of thought says head down and power thru like a boss, completeing STEM degree in 3 years and starting a powerhouse career at age 21. if u think u can do that, do that then. but these people will never be reading this because they are nonvirgin winners with good jobs.

so to get a job you must compete with at least 10 other people they are INTERVIEWING for the same job, NOT counting the HUNDREDS of resumes and applications they threw immediately in the trash and didn’t bother to call in for an interview.

then you need to INTERVIEW better than all the nonvirgin social normalfags, to convince employer you are better at doing a shitty torturous job. yes  like dealing with angry customers ALL DAY, and i like being challenged with things ive never seen before ALL DAY, every day, and i like making angry people wait while i beg for approval to do stuff. i love and i am very good at all this, and here’s why, and to make your explanation sound better than the other normalfag nonvirgins they are interviewing, you the spaghetti pokets autismal reeeeee nevergf wizard assburger, doing better on a TUFF VERBAL INTERVIEW than an avg normalfag nonvirgin.

say you could never get a job because you “sounded too sarcastic” when you told interviewers that you LOVED serving angry stpid faggot customers all day. and it took you several years to stop sounding so sarcastic, so that’s why you have been unemployed the last 2 or 3 years. not because you have major personality or behavior problems that make you unemployable, undateable, and unluvable hahahahaha.

how long can you go without having a gf before you get weird? forever really, but it is good to get TOUCHED by a qt at least one a year ‘d say, so go to a hooker or strip club for that, but be prepared to withstand the stupid environment you have to be in.  guess take a bunch of benzos to help with that. find the cheapest arab docker in the middle of the ghetto to perscribe u benzos hahaha. no jk, just look for DO’s with degreez from like island nations in the carribean or pacific bwahahahaha.

am not encouraging any illegal activity! you probably NEED benzos for your ridic anxiety anyway!!!!


when you drink yer mt dew gaming fuel, MIX IT WITH A LITTLE WATER so you are not drinking pure HFCS hummingbird syrup.  uhh maybe 25% to 30% water.  maybe at that point you could throw in a splash of energy drink to keep you hyped up on your job.  usually hate energy dranks and drink strictly buckets of coffee, but….that makes sweaty and nervous and having to diarrhea once an hour and urinate every 30 minutes.

target dot com gives you free shipping on orders of 25$ and above and seems to have better deals on pantz than kohls dot com, who also wants $75 for free shipping. DONE with that sheet!!!

at target found some nice flat front wrangler khaki pantz. not the dress pants but the very casual kind. nothing wrong with dress pantz, but nothing wrong with casual khakis either. $20 which is my ideal price. $30 pantz are just degenerate and wrong and faggay.

and let me restate that going to a stripper to get your yearly touching of women out of your system is indeed FRAUGHT and PROBLEMATIC with PITFALLS that need to be UNPACKED. namely when you go in there the gurls will come at you like vultures, and this WILL throw you off guard, since women approaching men is An Abomination of Nature.  Not being used to Turning Women Down, you might go off with the first ugly girl that comes your way and BOOM now you are out 50 bucks with NO satisfaction.

so be prepared to say NO and don’t spend your money unless it is with the cutest gurl in the place.

and heres a great pickup line which  am partially stealing from something  read on 4chan  think::::

“You are definitely a little slutty, but I like that, I’d definitely hit it. How many guys u f00ked? I’d say around 30 to 50, right?”

that will get u far, might get to touch a nonstripper with that power line.

use a money CLIP, never a wallet. put cash and your most important 3 or 4 cards in the clip, nothing more.

if you manage to get a nonhooker into bed, start smacking her 4ss right away and using 50 shades of gray sheet, women really like that, and they will be less likely to dump u immediately, and give you a more consistent, extended schedule of secs, and you might even get to bang the gurl 20 times if you play it real cool!!!!!

and when have you ever banged a gurl 20 times? that would fix errthing wrong with you regarding wimmin, wouldn’t it?!?!?!?!

yeah can all agree that would be bretty awesome mang.

marilyn monroe was a huge crazy whore and not a good role model whatsoever

so women do not want to hang out with you because you obviously hate women, and because you are NO FUN AT ALL. so guess try to hide your disdain, and to pretend like you are a fun fun fun fun fun person. so see if b1tches are entertained by u talking about crushing communism and u being a loser and smoking w all day. hint they wont be and you will remain a virign till u die hahahaha.


may 1 2015

wow the blog is finally caught up. anyway it is interesting how thoughts of u being a KV, or of other peopel being non KV normie degenerates with their gulfrans and rels and casual secs and promiscuity and hand holding and hugging and kissing, you just dont care abotu things or think about things straight. you watch stupid news about police violence and think of all those normie cops out there getting pvssy and bagnging b1tches and getting married and having gurlfrans and being normies. or black ghetto thugs looting stores, killing each other, and brooding a future generation of black thugs with black slut wimmin, having no trouble Busting A Nut in a B1tch.

and that all the normies with gurlfrans are by definition degenerate because they are all a bunhc of promiscuous cheaters breaking hartz erry day.

or you dont want to listen to music because these normies are all degenerates banging sluts, you want music written by KV’s, and that is hard to find. even morrissey is str8 up asexual or perhaps gay.

but i am thankful to have some friends, they keep me from going full wizard. but i am bad about staying in touch with them because i have very little energy. and i do try to stay away from true degenerates. i will hang out with nonvirgins but in many cases they are MARRIED nondegenerately. if someoen starts going over to the dark side of degen i will accordingly avoid them. shun them and shame them.

i dont care about justice for freddie gray, i care about justice for muh dik. and my poor broken hart lol.

going to a social party tomorrow. should be fun, unless one particular person shows up. odds of that? maybe 35%. if that happens i will leave discreetly and quickly. so try to be charming, try not to look like a slob, try to talk to any attractive gurls, heck try to talk to anyone and come off as a normie. be like oh hey what do you do. oh i just graduated college and i am starting my masters degree in marketing……oh nice i am 10 years older than u and i am a KV loser who refuses to go back to school and cant get or keep a job. also i am a racist, sexist, nationalist, white supremacist, and i think any nonvirgins are degenerate scum. can i touch your early 20’s female frenz plox i am so desperate and lonely hahaha.

see what i mean, it can interfere with you having normal normie conversatins with normies.

anyway i am always upset or angry about something. tyring to get some daily exercise in to stay healthy, not be a fat4ss, improve the mood. also am running out of k1ke scam brain destroying ssri pharmaceuticals because i have to find a new doctor and get the prescription rewritten, so i am taking 1/4 of each prozac pill every 12 hours or so.

uh oh! going off the meds! that is when people usually act out and do bad things! if he’s OFF the meds he must be crazy/insane!

i accidentally saw a photo of woman #2 the other day, it did not affect me nearly as much as i thought. good. it was not a new photo, i had seen it before, it was from like 6 years ago.

heh if i were not a kv i would have one of the gurls i was degenerately banging, shave the hairs on my neck. but instead i have to do it myself, and i can’t even see it or control it very well. first world kv problems haha.

hehe. right now i am being WRONGED and i am just trying not to get too angry abotu it, because then i will be remembered as the bad guy, and its very important for me for the other person to be remembered as the bad guy. sure the most important thing is to overcome our difference, but the person would rather just ignore and abandon me completely, than try to work things out. so why would i even want to know such an evil horrible degenerate. good question. you can probably guess why, beta male desperation for female contact.

but yeah it is making me upset and angry and energyless, so not at my best here. only way to get over it is time i guess, and try to refrain myself from doing anything stupid. i so cannot afford to look like the bad guy. just real angry at them, and they keep ignoring me, and theres nothign i can do but try to erase them from my mind, and that is real hard, and all this is ruining my free time and energy.  how baout u.




may 27

yeah i gotta cut down this lead time hehehe.

also Rodger had NO sense of humor. I have a sense of humor, a great one, I am hilarious, to toot my own horn.

the three words I would want mtuh frandz to describe me with are: NICE, SMART, and FUNNY. HILARIOUS.

he would get WAY more butthurt than I ever did. and felt WAY more entitled. and was WAY too angry at other people and not his loser SELF.

and was WAY too dramatic, like everything was a TRAUMATIZING event. seeing a cute gurl was a traumatizing even that he would go home and cry about. go to the shrink NOW. or get a menial service job, weirdo.

go work at walmart in like….fresno or something. you won’t be seeing nearly so many pretty white blond girls!

so by the time he was 20 he said he would have no problem torturing his enemies. though i often had fascination with violence and torture and sick twisted stuff, i never actually wanted to do it to someone. he was a sociopath, i am definitely not. how about you?

i couldn’t inflict violence even on the people i hated, because I realized they were still human beings who had a right to life. so just avoid them and let them live their lives.

also his best plan to get girls was to sit at a table alone and hope that a gurl would come up and talk to him, and then he would get butthurt when they didn’t. he had no concept of the Timeless Truth that Women Never Approach; MEN must do the approaching. and then he wanted to kill women because they didn’t approach him.

if he actually approached women, he probably would have gotten laid eventually. well maybe. he was a huge weirdo and women picked up on that.

he would have fared best with another autist, a cute autist gurl, but QT autists gurls are in VERY high demand among all the autists who have already figured this out. also 99% of autists are men, inflating the autist girls demand even MORE. so yeah, autist gurl is never really a viable option, forget i mentioned it, hahaha.

also, even if he didn’t want a hooker, he could have definitely gone to a STRIP CLUB to have a cute gurl TOUCH him and to see Boobs close up.

Pretty sure I went to a strip club right when I was 18.


i have had conversations with True Autists before, and thru these I can prob confirm I am not personally an autist. but I am close enough to it, that I can understand and be friendly to autists. but i don’t think i am actually a True Autist. i used to talk to this one kid regularly who developed a real fondness for me, and he was a true autist. they really can be extreme personalities. i would not want to hang out with the kid all the time.

so i think this rodger was a true autist, and his friend james was not. heh. james did not kill people and he was a kissless virgin. i want to read HIS manifesto!!!!

it was interesting how rodger wanted his mother to marry a rich man, because this would save his own life by being part of an “upper class” family. but his mother refused, she never wanted to get married again after her bad marriage to his father. now this was one of this autists better ideas, his mother getting married to a rich man prob WOULD have helped him. the kid wasn’t an IDIOT, he DID have SOME good ideas.

but he just went into Autist Fits Of Rage whenever he saw cute girls, espec cute girls with Cool Cocky Boys. I didn’t like it either, but I never made a SCENE like he did, embarrassing his only friend, the nonautist james who knew how to control himself for 15 minutes.

and then rodger called james his only friend a weakling because he didn’t want to FLAY b1tches alive and torture them to death. yep. violent autism ftw. can’t blame james for not inviting rodger out again after that one incident. surprised the autist did not want to kill james after that. or blow up into a huge thing, like he betrayed me, he is a traitor and deserves to die.

so rodger had a real god complex, thought he was very superior and shoudl decide who lives and who dies.

yet he felt inferior because women chose Alpha Douchebags over him.

really james’s analysis of him was spot on: that rodger really wanted sex, but felt he could never get sex, so then he wanted to take the sex away from the sexhavers. james was really a smart guy. i want to hear his side of the story.

if anything my audience is kids like james. pathetic virgins, but NOT maniacal, megalomaniacal, narcissistic, hysterical autists.

and i am not sure sechs or gurls would have helped rodger. say he had gotten a taste. he absolutely would have been dumped fast, much like i was, and THAT would have caused him to snap. because he had everything he ever wanted, and then his Paradise On Earth was viciously yanked away, and b1tches must die.

i never thought that, i was just angry for years and sad and took forever to get over it and drank myself into oblivion and wasted several solid years drinking, smoking weed, becoming a loser, in part because i couldn’t handle being dumped, and also because i couldn’t handle life itself.

i need to prove to both you and myself that just because we suck with wimmin, we are not woman-killing maniacs like they say in the stupid media. that every virgin who had a mean thought about women are going to run out and kill women. NOPE.

I would say only 1% of men do the creepy raepist things that are described by women in #YesAllWomen, and that 2% of Women do the evil things that Not All Men Men MRA’s complain about, rightfully, like divorce theft, c0q carousel, being crazy b1tches, etc.

And also I have to defend MRA’s from the RIDICULOUS LIES that are being told about them now in big newspapers like the NY post.


may 20

heh. a positive attitude goes a long way. how do you change your bad attitude into a good attitude, or at least convincingly fake to employers and wimmin that you have a winning attitude?

heh. go into a jerb interview right after you bang a young qt. hehehehehe. then you will believe in your good attitude.

i still remember the last time i banged a young qt (as opposed to an old ugly.) it was manny years ago. i felt like i could conquer the world. “YEAH! THAT’S WHAT I’M TALKIN ABOUT!” I said. I wish I had a jerb interview right at that moment, I would have aced it. banging qts makes you act more confident, alpha, and masculine.

heh. i used to think the term “butterface” mean a gurl had a Fat Face. like butter, fat. theoretically i guess she could, as long as she had a great body. but she could have a great body and a bad and skinny face too.

oy vey. gotta check the email.



when you say the word passion, make passionate gestures with your hands, and Modulate the Intonation of your Voice to sound really Passionate.

heh. you can see how Autists are predestined to do horribly in interviews, because it’s ALL Social Tricks, basically.

so they get jobs as engineers, and then business grads are hired to “TRANSLATE” between the engineers and the clients.

hehehe. i am just bitter because i never went to high school prom.

and didn’t sow enough wild oats during college years.

which means i am eternally Sexually Frustrated, hehehehehe. mwahahahahaha.

Wimmin do not experience Sexual Frustration unless they are Single and Over 35.

Men begin experiencing Sexual Frustration the moment they hit puberty.

hehhehe that is a great maxim.

heh. if you have friends that live 70 miles away, agree to meet them once every 2 or 3 months at a place 35 miles away where you can eat lunch or dinner or play golf and hang out for a few hours.

or whatever. go to the gym, go to the bar, go to the strip club, go smoke w33d, go go karting, it’s all about catching up with your friend who lives too far away for you to see them all the time, but not so far away that you can’t meet them halfway every couple months for 4 hours and make an afternoon/evening out of it.

although if you drink, don’t get pulled over or that will ruin your life, hahahaha.

heh. how about if the engineers can’t translate themselves, they don’t get a JOB. Capeesh?

Not to get too ruff on STEM autists rather than extraverted, talkative, nonvirgin, friend-having, sex-having, cuddle-having, gf-having normalfags!

but there are

stem autist winners who have great stem jobs, vs stem autist losers who are unemployable neets.

yeah buddy.

so the settlers is a great Business Simulation game, because it is all about Balancing. Surpluses and Deficits. Have to tear one thing down and build another thing. one thing takes a raw material and creates a finished product, which itself goes somewhere else to be finished. and each building can produce a limit of x things per hour. rates. things per time. and you can only build so many buildings. it is like playing jenga or building a house of cards. can only make one little move at a time and then keep an eye on the long term.

so try to explain these concepts to a manager without saying you played The Settlers Online. say that you played Harvard Business Simulation Game while in your Business Class.

with a gurl you are in luv with, you want to do FILTHY DEGENERATE things with her, which you might consider GROSS with other gurls. like the idea of burying your face in her sweaty disgusting crotch when she hasn’t taken a shower in 3 days, or licking sweat out of her 4ss. holy crap. other gurls, no way, but with Special True Luv gurls…..ALL DAY!

may 21

buddy buddy.

THANK GOD for all the good things in my life. about to do 3.2 mile pwalk. should check email beforehand. no dreams about grils last nite thank god. Kind of a weird dream where I drank a cup of “Liquid Opium” and got all slow and euphoric and then worried that I would be a Heroin Junky the rest of mah life, but the first few times would be good, and when the opiate hit me, i felt great, but then this weird guy started making rather forward homosexual advances on me which I did not find too comfortable! Fortunately I got out of there before he 4ssraept me.

weird dream, right, but 9000000000 times better than a dream about a gril.



mon dec 2, 846am

yep back to muh underjob. nice quiet morning, slow period, 2 weeks I will be at muh new job. This is a REAL big deal. Let this be Eternal Empirical Incontrovertible PROOF that

good things CAN happen to Old People (title)

So I went to bed at SIX pm last night, because EINSTEIN GOT TEN HOURS OF SLEEP A NIGHT, and etc etc. Then I think I might have passed out for 30 mintues but by 8 pm was awake again and then was awake till like 12 am just thinking and worrying, now that sucked, but often I can Learn Some Lessons the next day out of those sleepless nights. Sometimes I worry about how I’m just so f00ked up compared to Normalfags, and have lost all interest in Skool and Career and Women, and think everything is a SCAM, and just want to watch movies, maybe donate to a few Conservative Causes, and just Give Up on it all.

Actually yesterday I was thinking about what a GREAT IDEA I had: record yourself talking into a recorder for 20 to 30 minutes, and then send THAT to people: old friends, new friends, people on the internet whose blogs and vlogs and writing and lives you admire. Like I’ve been meaning to write a Fan Email to my Fav Youtube Guy, a Conservative Political Commentator I’ve enjoyed for YEARS, who is just a Regular Working Guy and not a professional journalist thank GOD. So I’ve watched all 900000000000 of his videos, His Ratio of Pros to Cons is HUGE, unlike Stefan Molyneux, where I do really like some stuff SM says, but I really DON’T like other stuff. This other guy is just SOLID GOLD and I LOVE him, he is my TRIBE, I SHOULD write to him. I would DONATE to him but he doesn’t have a Donation Button! (The only other guy I would also donate to does not have a donate button.)

Nothing serious, just $20 at Crimmus as a way to say Thanks For The Years Of Awesome Work, Buy Yourself A Lunch On Me, and Don’t Give Up What You’re Doing.

ANYWAY BACK TO MY GREAT MAGIC BULLET, Email the person 20 minutes of you talking. This is a LOT easier than slaving over an email, you can say a lot more, and a lot better, they can get a much better idea of Who You Are, AND, as the Coup De Grace, it’s nowhere near as stressful as a Phone Call or Interview. SUCH A F00KING GREAT IDEA, GREAT JOB UFMLL.

And then I got all excited to try that with the next person to write me an email and then me stressing for weeks abotu emailing them back. and being too much of a whimp to call them like a normalfag.

but I think emailing them your 20 minute speech would be unique and they would remember you positively. Because you don’t sound like an awkward spaghetti pockets when you talk to YOURSELF, which is basically all this is.

Which reminds me, this is what I hate about news shows and talk shows, is that people are always interrupting each other all the time. this is SO ANNOYING. follow like Roberts Rules of Order, give the person 5 minutes to speak, and THEN cut them off, and then address their points in YOUR 5 minutes to talk. Point Counterpoint. I HATE sh1t where you have 5 people all screaming on top of each other.

DEFINITELY the Magic Silver Bullet Of The Month right there. I wish I could get stuff THIS good more often. EMAIL A MP3. Of course, reduce it down to like 32 bitrate, and make sure it’s loud enough. I KNOW there’s gotta be something on that IPHONE you’re paying $100 a month for that can do this.

Official logo
Official logo (Photo credit: Wikipedia)

Employment TRUTH. Tissue Transfer Technicians. Say Degree Preferred but NOT NECESSARY, WILL TRAIN you how to cut a dead guy’s eye out. Kinda gross, but not as bad as CUSTOMER SERVICE, RESTAURANTS, or RETAIL. And once you get good at it, you can open your OWN Tissue Transfer BUSINESS. In the meantime, you can make enough to live in a safe and fun neighborhood with young attractive people and sow your wild oats, maybe even find a nice wife after you sow your wild oats, and the gurls will actually go out with you because you’ll be making well OVER 37k a year to start. you will make a ton of friends who live right down the street, they won’t be annoying, and they will Stop By when you don’t feel like getting out of bed.

Here’s another tip re Lying To Your Family Over the Holidays: if you just work part time at a Hospital as an Orderly, tell them you work FULL TIME at a Hospital as a Medical Assistant. Not too big of a lie not to be believed, in other words. If you work as a Part Time Dishwasher Busboy in a Restaurant, tell them you are a Full Time Restaurant Manager. Base your LIes in the Truth, and simply stretch the truth a little! (I’ve already used this Magic Bullet before, but it’s def a good one!)

OK, here’s a Real MOderate and Reasonable Life Theory that WILL give you some much-needed Comfort:

Most Men go through a Wild Oats Phase where they just want to bang bang bang bang bang. Now, after they bang a few QTs, it stops becoming an obsession for them, and by late 20s early 30s, they are ready to settle down monogamously for the most part.

BUT If you NEVER get those Wild Oats out of your system, it can cause considerable anxiety, like it does for moi. But I am Optimistic that it is Much Better LATE, than NEVER, and that one can still Catch Up.


to be published fri oct 25th:

sat oct 19th

switched from to pokerstars. Now I play Real People for Play Money. And after about 1 week of that, I seem to be KILLIN IT. Starting out at Babby’s First Tables and turning my maximum 200 chip buy in into 600, 800, 1000. In other words, quite easily reaching my “daily quota” of Winning 211 Chips. If not 400! (211 chips a day would be roughly equivalent to having a NonLoser, Bigboy, Upper Working Class, Bachelors Degree Career Job.)

The humans bet a lot more aggressively than the computers I play at I am more aggressive than the computers, the humans are more aggressive than me, and I think this works out very well for me. The humans bet like Idiots, thus they lose, and I gain.

tues oct 22th

Decorate your Room with pictures and artwork and texts that inspire you and remind you of how awesome you are. If you’re a total f00kup loser, you’ll decorate your room with pictures of dead bodies and serial killers and grim skeletonz and grim reaperz and nazis and death camps and torture chamberz and pictures of suicides and paint the walls black, and weird satanic and occult sh1t and Silent Hill and Marilyn Manzonz. . DON’T do this. You can have SOME weird stuff, like maybe a picture of your favourite black metal musician dressed up in black metal cosplay, but nothing too weird. Have pictures of people who inspire you, like Bill Gates or your favorite Teacher, or your FAMILY. I am also a big fan of putting inspirational words and texts and poems and phrases on the wall. Maybe stuff from your Journal, or This Blog, or other helpful blogs. Protips 4 Winning At Life staring at you as you wake up and go to bed, embedding their good lessons into your brain subconsciously. OH YEAH.

Quotes from Leaders like John Maxwell and Peter Drucker and Anthony Robbins and Matt Foley and Me, hahahaha.

Another thing: It would be worthwhile to have an actual DESK in your room, that you can do Homework and Studying and Paperwork and Reading and Computing, rather than using your Computer In Bed. A Mini Home Office if you will. Doesn’t need to be a HUGE desk.

I have a pretty big nice desk in the BASEMENT, but I refuse to go in the basement because it’s dungeony and fluorescent lighted and no outside light. Human Beings Need Natural, Outdoor Sunlight that can only come in through WINDOWS. Better to have a smaller desk by a WINDOW, than a Nice Big Desk in a Fluorescent Basement.

Experts Say you should not have your Home Office in your Bedroom, you should never do work in your bedroom, or watch TV, your bedroom should only be for Sleep and SECHS (now that’s decadent!!!), but I will grant a pass for having a small home office/desk in your room. Noting that your walls and room are decorated with fun, positive, inspirational, awesome things. And you don’t have to spend a lot of money to do so. Just print the pictures out on the printer at your underjob. Maybe save some money to print the top 10% of pictures in color.

I was reading a bunch of articles at it was really corny and cheesy, but I think if you sincerely follow that advice, you would be a HealthyHappyNormalfag(™). It seemed really girly and normalfag, I thought it was supposed to be kinda nerdy and dorky. Or maybe that’s ifehackER. or am I just making that up??

Maybe put an ad on Craigslist saying you are looking for Grills to Make a P0rn. That way you might get “normal”, “non-hooker” girls who think they’re not Crossing The Prostitute Rubicon (but of course they are.) Like the cute little 18yos you see at Skool, you could never pay them outright for S, however the EASY WORKAROUND there is simply to pay them for making a P0RN with you. Might have to pay a LITTLE more, but for Fresh, Clean, Young, Normal girls, it’s well worth it. Note: you do NOT have to actually release the P0rn, because it’s VERY understandable you wouldn’t want the whole world to see your body. However you could still put videos of the girl, with yourself edited out, on the internet. She’s EXPECTING you to! She’s consenting to Make A P0rn Video for the Internet that the whole world can see! In a way, that’s almost WORSE than one act of nonfilmed sex-for-cash!

FEAR THE HAMSTER! This is why I don’t get married to Women, and why you shouldn’t either.
And a judge can even Throw Out a Prenup, so a Prenup is no guarantee either! He can just say Nope Don’t Care, and then you have NO legal defense!

Since you’re approaching late twenties or early thirties, it’s entirely possible some of your frandz, if you are lucky enough to have any, will be having CHILLENZ pretty soon. If they do, then offer to come hang out with the baby and entertain the baby and be the Babby’s Cool Uncle. Mainly this is towards the end of having You just act like a Silly Retard, making silly faces and noises and amusing the infant. Being around for an hour for the fun stuff, and then leave the parents for the not fun stuff. So you can experience the innocence and curiosity and freshness of Pure Youth, back before the Big Bad World F00ks You Up, and you look at everything from a Pure Natural, Positive, Neverdepressed Perspective. You think everything is awesome, not that everything sucks! Sure you cry and get upset once in a while but usually get over that in a few minutes with the comfort of their Mummy or Daddy. Unless Mummy or Daddy are savages and abuse the poor innocent infant.

Know that like 49% of students who graduate MIT at like age 21 or 22…..are VIRGINS. I read that on an infographic on Lifehacks. The more Elite High-IQ the university, the less Sexually Active the Students! Cause they’re Awkward Men who do nothing but Study and Internships and don’t know how to Talk To Grillz! But damn if they aren’t huge winners for the rest of their lives, making 300k a year starting at age 21! You’d be a 21 year old virgin ALL DAY for THAT sweet tradeoff!

The real sad cases are the nerd sperg Neet Virgins who DON’T go to MIT, but drop out of Community College and live in the basement the rest of their pathetic lives.
Find some Chill Music you can listen to. For example, listening to Rocking Metal while I’m doing Homework makes it hard to focus, while Classical or Choir music is much better. or Jazz. Recently I discovered Trip Hop is also decent for this. Specifically Massive Attack. It’s hard to find something that is chill yet still has a beat yet is not so driving that it makes you want to move your body, but rather move your Mind and Get Mental WORK done, when all you want to do is Smoke w33d, bang 26yo’s Reverse Cowgirl Style,, eat General Chowz Chicken, Drink Code Red, Watch a Movie or Show, Play Cards, Smoke W33d some more, and Go To Sleep.