LONG 9000 word POST!!!!!!!!!!
nov 16 2016
ok went to urgent care place to do job related physical and tb test. the place is a big health care company and i do not trust. would not want to work there. felt very sorry for the people who had to work there, forced to treat people as numbers, process people like cattle, even blacks and nonwhite dont deserve to be treated like that so UrgentCareInc can make more damn shekels. there was a white male about my age at the front desk and he was constantly on the phone talking about HR and DOT and stuff, and hopefully not being given a runaround or forced to give a runaround. the place was so busy they needed 2 people at the front desk. the place was huge in the back office and had a ton of nurses and assistants.
the nurse/assistant who helped me was a 50 year old woman who sounded like she smoked 10 packs a day. but she was white. she said her daughter recently became a Schoolteacher and she was surprised at how much they WORK. I said I know, it’s not what people think, those teachers are doing a ton of unpaid work every day, they get run ragged, i wouldnt want to be a teacher!
was very quick and short and curt, as was the doctor who came next, probably so they can get as many people in and out. these people move so FAST I am left with a sense of what the hell just happened? this is a LOT faster than my Speed Of Life.
there were some black women working the front and back desk. i was very nice to them. i am always very nice to everybody i talk to, white or nonwhite.
i didnt know what the tb test entailed. it entailed pricking my arm with a tb protein or something, then i have to go back in 48 hours so they can “READ” it. but no more than 72 hours. 24 hour window of time. i dont like getting pricked with needles, i hate needles, but this one was pretty minor.
nurse said take off your clothes and put these paper clothes and shorts on, doctor will be in in a few minutes. she left and i was like uhhhhhhhh cant i just wear muh t shirt and underoos? am i supposed to get fully nude and put this god damn paper gown and paper shorts on? wtf? so i said well, i will be a good goy and get fully nude and put this stupid shit on. the doctor can make fun of me if he wants. i didnt take a shower today, jokes on him, i just wiped muh crotch and balls with a paper towel, soap and water hahahahahaha. if hes an arab doctor he probably has similar hygiene hahahahaha.
he was a white male doctor! and there was no ball cupping, ball touching, or anything. he had me bend slightly at the waist. it went super duper fast, no cupping, no coughing, no butt stuff hahahaha, very easy. i threw the paper clothes in the trash. dr did not bitch at me for keeping my socks on.
went to HR and dropped papers off, asked about employment pools and internal postings and mailing lists and why dont you put your shit on indeed. i was assured that they no longer have a pool, but that they had my results from when i WAS in the pool, then they stopped the pool, but if they start it again, they will put me back in AND email me. good. i asked if there were any email lists i could get on. thats the thing about this place. there are all these hidden secret jobs, its like the god damn masons.
had a weird but somewhat fun dream last night. i was flirting somewhat with a qt young woman. it wasnt that woman, the dream woman was much smaller and petite, not my usual type but oh well. things were going well, then she disappeared. came back a few months later and said she got married to some guy she just met. i voiced my opinion and i was like, heres the thing, im not gonna pretend to be happy about this. i was starting to like you and i was really disappointed when you just left me in the lurch. i feel like you didnt give me a fair shake. and now youre marrying a guy who in your words you dont even know? dont you feel bad about just Ghosting me? this kinda sucks. i’m not happy about what you did. i’ll get over it but you should know that shit aint right. its not nice to do that to people.
so essentially saying stuff i wanted to say to That Woman hahaha.
now i prefer taller women with meaty Thighs and Asses, long legs, long arms, but i would be open to a Shorter women, provided she is not stumpy, stocky, or at all potatoey, and this dream girl was not, so thats good.
also another part of the dream involved me meeting millennial woes. that was fun. never had a MW dream before. we were hanging out and getting along real well till i said or did somethign that made him thing I was stupid or uncouth. and i was mad at myself for being an idiot around this guy i respected. but also it was just a misunderstanding too, he should really be open to that possibility. also what IF i am a crass uneducated trump voting redneck whitelash? hes alt right pro white, he of all people should appreciate this raw, uneducated white power hahahahaha.
or maybe i am reading this all wrong and blowing it all out of proportion and he DOESNT think that about me.
a part of the dream had me holding a heroin needle and thinking, well, i am tempted to experiment with opiates, BUTTTTT i hate needles and dont want to inject myself.
another part of the dream had me in a large room with millennial woes and i looked out the large windows and there were huge, demonic, savage looking wild boars/warthogs out there. huge and vicious, more than anything in the real world. i was like holy shit those things will tear us apart and they could just jump through the window right now and K us savagely, uhhhh arent you concerned about this? holy shit just look at those things!!!!!
so yeah it was a vivid and action packed dream but thankfully not too disturbing or terrifying.
i know it has to do with this big news of The New Job, that that is SUCH a big deal that I immediately KNEW it would take several days to get past the SHOCK and begin PROCESSING it.
ok today i got muh new hard drive AND the windows recovery disk AND the stick of ram. installed the hard drive and got windows going without issue. it just took forever to install. using my regular computer again now.
installed additional ram in other computer which muh fam uses so it isnt so shamefully slow. at first it didnt seem to take. then i took it out and pushed it back in again and this time the computer detected it. good times. hopefully fam notices a difference. i think i did although i did not do brutal shit to it to test it out.
downloaded antiwirus onto “new” ocmputer. which is using windows 7. this is a silver lining here because i wasnt thrilled wiht windows 10 but it was too late to roll it back.
google drive files updating nao.
installed libreoffice, notepad++, audacity, google drive, poker program. muh basics haha.
plus i think windows 7 is better with the wireless adapter which was always getting BTFOd on windos 10.
why? even microsoft Project Managers dont know WHY. or the Lead Senior Software Engineers under them.
ok listened to new deathspell omega again a few days ago and liked it more. drums sound really good. now im thinking its a human. just a really really good human, with crystal clear production but no phony triggery bullshit.
the last minute of the second song kinda grabbed me.
right there at 5:07, might be the key to enjoying the whole album. because the distortion on the guitar is decreased and he is not strumming so fast, so you can actually hear and comprehend the guitar part, which is of course plenty weird, its just much easier to digest. but there’s no dialing down the intensity of the drum part, in fact you can hear it all the better.
basically turn down the distortion on the guitars on the whole album and play longer notes!
but no, hes an autist that doesnt like to make it easy for the listener. thats all it is.
so yeah what i like about dso is that stupid, autistic chaos really IS an accurate representation of my mind when it is confused and distressed and anxious. like when i was at work thinking OH GAWD I DONT KNOW WHAT IM DOING IM SO CONFUSED AND SCARED my thoughts would be racing and crashing into each other like a damn dso song.
completely lacking any sense of judgment, not knowing whats right and wrong, whats real and whats not. whats happening with the job, whats happening with the woman, whats happening.
WHITELASH hahahaha. i am VERY GLAD to be a PART OF that WHITELASH.
now the pollsters are realizing the actual truth: that trump tapped into a White Voting Bloc. he spoke to Whites and whites voted him in. as a race conscious white i couldnt be happier. i dont apologize for being white, im not EMBARASSED by white people, i dont look forward to a time when whites are a minority, i don’t think you should not respect thomas jefferson because he OWNED SLAVES. then dont go to the fookin UVA you uppity skypes and googles hahahaha.
believe me i know white people who think its HORRIBLE that white people are even ABLE to vote as a group, and vote for such a horrible white racist as TRVMP.
fook NO i dont trust (((((KUSHNER))))) !!!!!!!!!! he could be a problem in the future. i hope he isnt. but i wouldnt be surprised if he is.
i just wish That Woman hadnt been so HORRIFIED by the idea of me liking her. you dont have to like me back, I GET THAT. Just dont act like its so DISGUSTING and GODAWFUL. Just say SORRY, I dont like you that way, this must be painful for you. dont HATE me for getting feelings for you. i would never hate somebody for that.
sheeeeeeeeeeeeit whatever. shit happened. bad shit. i learned to be more courageous and direct in the future. i just cant see myself ever being interested in a woman ever again.
although thats where the dreams can be useful. like in this dream last night, i felt myself sort of interested in this dream woman who wasnt THAT woman.
or this super attractive 9/10 woman who might be at the social event today hahahaha who is WAYYYYY out of muh league but damn is she nice to look at!
i mean im FINE with her being out of my league! i KNOW a 6/10 35 yo old man has no CHANCE at a 9/10 23 year old woman!
was concerned the ram would not take in the dell latitude. there are two ram slots. one easily accessible on the bottom, another buried under the keyboard. thankfully the easy access one was the open one. getting to it was easy. popped it in, seemed to fit well. start comp, not showing any difference. still says 2 gb ram, should be 4. do mem diagnostics test. no change. frowning. open it up again, pull it out, stare at it, pop it right back in. start comp, says preboot that memory has changed. this is new. ok great yes i did change it. start up, now it says 4 gb. PRAISE THE LORD. but WHY? what did i do DIFFERENTLY? i just took it out and put it right back in! did i have it in wrong? ILL NEVER KNOW hahahaha.
continued to buy more xmas presents for fam today.
ok when they say “TB test must be read within 48 to 72 hours of administration” that is not very clear that what it REALLY means is, the full TB test is in 2 parts. the first time they prick you with a needle. then it may or may not have some affect on your skin in that area. then 48 to 72 hours after pricking, you have a 24 hour window where you MUST return to the clinic to finish part 2 of the tb test, which is given the rather unclear technical name of “reading.” just call it testing part 2. THEY are “reading” your skin somehow. the important thing to remember is you have to get pricked, WAIT 48 hours to go back, then go back, but not after 72 hours. or else then you have to get pricked again.
but they dont say any of that hahahaha.
that is the type of TRANSPARENCY i would have in MY company hahaha. tell you what you NEED TO KNOW. tell you the most important things so you can fully understand shit quickly. it would PROBABLY cut back on phone calls asking for stupid clarification.
and this is not a big deal at all in this case, but shit like this would INFURIATE me at my old job.
and another “pet peeve” about computers that, when you are working in Computer Service, is INFURIATING and will turn a mild mannered man into a savage frightened animal shrieking and screeching.
definition of insanity is doing the same thing twice and expecting different results.
SO WHAT DO YOU CALL IT WHEN YOU DO THE SAME THING TWICE AND DO GET DIFFERENT RESULTS????
it might be INSANE, but ITS HAPPENING!!! its happening to your equipment!!!! doing the same shit twice either fixed it or broke it! the insanity was consequential and important and valuable and you want to know WHY!!!!!
but the other def of insanity is, you will NEVER know why. its IMPOSSIBLE to know why.
now i wouldnt call any of these things “the definition of INSANITY” but i know what you mean. i would call it NONSENSE, or infuriatingly illogical, or bullshit, or this cant be, or wtf, or fooking ridiculous, this makes no sense. slightly insane i guess. hahahaha. chaos reigns.
hey lets look at the days since spreadsheet!
last time i actually talked to That Woman 492 days
last time i initiated contact, final email 458 days
last time i looked at degen jooish porn 374 days
bretty good amirite?
66 days since haircut. kinda starting to look bad.
was watching the woodstock movie on tcm last night. really is a great movie, worth buying permanently in whatever form you would do that. would have loved to watch it with That Woman, cuddle for 3 hours, smoke MJ for 3 hours, probably stop watching the long movie to have luving secs a few times hahahaha. i think she would have appreciated the movie, she liked a lot of that kind of music and sorta looked like a hippie.
i first saw the movie when i was like 20 and was pretty impressed, watched it again at 21 or 22 smokin MJ with muh old friend, good memories.
havent seen it since.
i still appreciate the music but now i have a much better big picture perspective on it, like the degeneracy, and seeing these white youths throwing their lives away on the new jooish degeneracy, which at the time was BRAND NEW and exciting and did not seem like degeneracy, but freeing and liberating and luv……but it was jooish degen. and none of these goys realized it.
but things did seem innocent because all this stuff was so new and people were optimistic and excited and happy.
great songs and performances too. when i was young i was electrified by for example joe cocker, now i was like, welp what drugs is he on. what drugs is this guy on.
seeing all these people in 1969 47 years ago and realizing i am older now than they were then. i am older than these young men with huge beards like that great performance by canned heat. their bass player is spazzing out like that because hes probably on ACID. MOST of these people are on ACID. or that guitar player is not on acid, hes just stoned as shit on MJ. pete townsend is probably on “uppers” because they didnt have coke back then. keith moon is on acid and uppers and booze. joe cocker is also on EVERYTHING. how much of this is an act, and how much of it is drugs? joe cocker could not keep up with this lifestyle, how did he survive till age 75 or whatever? either way his performance was great. richie havens is mesmerizing. he could be on acid or in a trance or something. but when he speaks between songs he seems normal. the way he plays guitar is so weird. how is he not breaking the strings strumming that hard. what tuning is he in that he plays with his THUMB like that. his voice is very haunting.
so yeah i still got all that, the performances were just as good as i remembered, but it was interesting to have perspective on it, that even these performers were too young to have!
i can understand being against the vietnam war, but immediately Da Joos got involved and turned it into a marxist thing. now i can see that for what it is. typical jooish disruption. jooish culture of critique. and none of the goys they scammed realized it. they were just about weed and acid and free love and fighting the man and the pigs.
but yeah since this was just STARTING and people were so excited, we got some really good music out of it, the likes of which has never again emerged from such cultural degeneracy. and again the music helped sell this degen and make people happy about it, including me for a time. its still great music.
also, people didnt talk nearly as much about white privilege, and whites and men werent hated as much. i think many of these early sjw’s were truly interested in naive equality rather than marxist revolution and punching up against whites and men. there were so many white men there at woodstock. healthy, young, beautiful white people, not at all fat, so many skinny in shape people, all getting fooked up on drugs and booze and frying their brains.
whites beginning to act like negros. look at all the frontmen gyrating around with their stupid tight pants. muh dick is all it is.
so yeah. such an interesting mixed bag of great music and genuinely optimistic people, but the beginning of generations of horrible jooish degeneracy that just got worse and worse. became nihilistic within 30 years.
and now finally in 2016, we have some long needed WHITELASH hahahaha.
THE SLEEPING GOY AWAKENS!!!!!!
i turned it off after joe cocker because it was 230 am, but i know there was a ton of good shit after that too.
some of the video is better than others, like the who video is kinda shitty because its too much roger daltrey and not nearly enough keith moon hahaha.
also just the language these people use, its stupid and childish but its honest and sincere, whereas today the leftist marxist sjw “hippies” have a much more SOPHISTICATED, JOOISH way of talking because of all their damn college. and they know they cant get away with looking and sounding like they are on ACID.
before and after a 40 year Jooish March Thru The Institutions hahahaha.
i mean there was already some jooish subversion going on in like the 1920s…..but it EXPLODED in the late 60s.
dont like muh bigotry? go cry to your hillary support group hahahaha. THE BUMS LOST LEBOWSKI!
i realize this is not good for those trump supporters who are trying to defend themselves AGAINST accusations of bigotry and racism by the left. oh no were not racists!
and then i come out and say im a trump supporter AND a huge avowed admitted racist! it doesnt look good for trumps people.
well, i dont represent trump supporters in general, in fact id be MOST of the average WHITELASH voters, the white men trump supporters, really ARENT racist!
just me and the the 1% of people like me hahahaha.
only thing i SORT OF represent is the “alt right”.
did i post this nov 2016 news story about evalion DOXXED and harrassed by FEDS???
I am kinda suspicious of her but when she gets attacked by ZOG like this, i have to take her side. i mean she MIGHT BE batshit crazy, but she has made real sacrifices.
dont wear long fake eyelashes. you look like a decadent whore hahahaha. no im not talking to evalion. talking to the blond bitch on tarek and christina. christina the race mixer hahahaha. she is real hawt but wears too much makeup and horrible whorish eyelashes. dont do that. and tarek is the whitest looking arab i have ever seen, so…i guess thats good.
i am betting he is “only” half arab.
making whortina only half a race traitor hahahaha.
whatever id still bang her. shit id make white babies with her! i would have to work HARD to brainwash the crazy out of her though. probably wouldnt be worth it. 10 years ago, sure.
also she has a horrible voice hahahaha. kinda “secsy” but in the long term, annoying Vocal Fry hahahaha.
indicates moral laxness hahaha.
used up remainder of amazon gift card on columbia fleece jacket. plain black. agonized over color.
i mean i got like 100$ amazonbux for doing a survey activity.
anyway. just trying to say i dont really spend money frivolously. and when i really need new clothes…..i dont really get them, i have to FORCE myself, because ALL spending seems frivolous, but then when i actually DO spend the money and buy the new clothes……it was very much worth it. like with buying A Suit, etc. buy jeans, new shoes, now this fleece jacket. i kind of have one already but its technically the inner lining of a 2 piece jacket system hahaha. so i want to just put it in and leave it in there and not have to take it out of the jacket whenever i want to wear something like that.
also i am glad i Sacked Up and had a direct talk with the guy i wanted to talk to about MJ. I did not have high expectations, but i just wanted to introduce the idea. that i would like to go in with him on his next purchase if possible. turns out he is not making a purchase for….a few months and told me some exciting life news for him. so i appreciated that. i support him 100% in this endeavour and am not butthurt about not being able to get MJ! but hopefully when he is ready, he will tell me, and he does seem kinda reliable like that. i mean he is decent at Adulting, makes decent money, lives normie life, doesnt screw people over. that at least he knows that i am interested in Going In with him Next Time, so plz let me know when you are ready for next time hehehehe.
so yeah i crossed that off the list hehe.
ok gotta make a good impression at this job. get there 15 minutes early, leave 15 minutes late every day. make coffee, buy coffee, buy bagels or donuts.
also, find Where The Information Is. knowledge base. case notes. case system. ticket system. S drive. intranet. ANYTHING i can access from home.
CAN I LISTEN TO PHONE CALLS?
that would have been a GREAT learning tool at my own job, but I was so flustered i didnt even think to ask. I mean I read a lot of cases, but actually hearing the calls while reading the cases would have been a lot better. just read and listen to calls for an hour when you get home hahahaha.
write everything down. make flashcards.
ask everybody about their families.
buy a large container of coffee regularly.
spend a ton of money frivolously to buy new clothes. nice shirts and pants that fit properly. take pants to chinese laundry to shorten the legs for my manlet stumpy legs. spend more money.
look people directly in the eye at all times and act like a real confident nonnevergf normie hahaha.
get hair cut regularly so it doesnt look sloppy and nevergf on the sides.
good thing about this job is that it could not be closer. it is literally 3 miles away.
some women ONLY date (ie fook, and get preggers from) TRASHY guys. not just good badboys, but BAD badboys, like deadbeats, drug addicts, woman beaters, felons, etc. people with real big problems. hehehe. they wont date you or fook you from tinder because you are literally not trashy enough.
there is a “tradwife” in the altright who was A Tranny but he/she “passed” remarkably well. they were obviously a not very masculine man who was able to pass as a woman better than some women, hahahahahahaha. i saw a picture and i was like, hmmm, they are young, skinny, really doesnt look too freakish, hmm i think i want to bang that man hahahahahahhaha.
and then they got “bullycided” from twitter and the internet in like april 2016 and stopped posting to their blog which was written quite well and is probably worth reading and basically advocates trad alt right values like family and masculine men and feminine women and was anti-homosex and promiscuity and degeneracy. so this person literally felt like a woman, a very very traditional woman, born into a very feminine man’s body.
anyway i know notorious sinead posted imho a rather inappropriate picture of this person which i dont know how she got. and sinead loves to attack the “alt k1ke” for being pro-gay, pro-tranny, pro-degen, etc.
anyway i just thought it was interesting that i felt a sense of SYMPATHY for the “tradwife.” ultimately i was viewing them and treating them as a full real woman. i didnt see them as a man or a tranny. i didnt think it was fair for them to be bullied and shamed and i was kinda interested in their blog.
hahahaha maybe i secretly want to date the tradwife. how ridiculous would that be.
I AM WHITE KNIGHTING FOR A TRANNY hahahahaha.
yeah ok fine you caught me red handed. Oh well, so what. i certainly dont feel this way about most trannies, who are all about marxist degeneracy lock stock and barrel.
thing is, the tradwife would prob still be out of my league hahahahahaha because she wants a strong, proud, alpha man, just like every other woman hahahahaha.
but yeah he/she is a good writer, clearly very smart, and doesn’t really say anything too ridiculous. he/she views trannyism as an illness that can be successfully treated by fully adopting the desired gender role. rather than becoming some genderless genderqueer otherkin. i mean tradgrace wants to become a beautiful aryan woman in a wheat field. what he/she wants to become is a beautiful thing!
so yeah god have mercy on me but i have some sympathy for tradgrace.
although it SHOULDNT MATTER if a woman is smart or a good writer.
but if a woman IS smart and a good writer, i do usually like that, provided they arent some insane screeching leftist…..which they usually are.
but this isnt a woman!!!!!!
anyway i wish grace well, that is a hard life, im not gonna bully grace, i cant disagree with what xir says. hahahaha. well, xir’s preferred pronoun would certainly be “she”, as grace celebrates everything about Traditional Femininity!
ok fine i will link to grace directly so SHE can see me linking, and then find me, and then she can be my waifu!
heh. if i were a total homosexual degenerate……wouldnt i want to bang men who dont identify as women, let alone who look quite convincingly like young, feminine women?
anyway. grace’s big mistake was to assume people wouldnt bullycide “her” for being a tranny. if she wrote this stuff and just presented herself as a normal woman, she would not be punished, and there would be 14888888888888888888888 alt right white virgins white knighting for her!
so yeah. i dunno. i think that is very courageous of grace.
come talk to a PHAG ENABLER like me, grindr greg, or millennial woes, we will give you a safe space and cuddles hahahahahahaha.
anyway grace is a bigger winner than me anyway. at least she is working on achieving her dreams and is I think a successful college or grad student. maybe. maybe heshe is a basement dwelling sperg. definitely not a fat ugly one though!
and if you read herhis writing without thinking of who is writing it…….its pretty unimpeachable.
yep looks like i want to date and marry and cuddle with a MAN. ABSOLUTELY DISGUSTING hahahaha.
but sinead thinks the alt k1ke is infested with “tradwives”, well i cant think of a single other one other than grace, and grace was imho brutally, savagely, unfairly punished.
dont tell trs i think her punishment was too severe tho, i will get banned for being a fag enabler hahahaha.
well, technically tranny enabler.
anyway i really do wish grace well but i should stop thinking about this because i am starting to turn gay hahaha.
she basically wants to become a 100% woman and to marry a straight man.
well dont many trannies want to become full 100% women rather than genderqueer?
well ok fine. but they still dont want to become SUPER OLD SCHOOL TRADITIONAL women!
and i appreciate grace for attempting to really understand what really being a traditional feminine woman means. hint its not being a GIRLY GIRL and liking JUST GIRL THINGS.
a fooking MAN understands being a woman better than WOMEN do hahahahahahahah hrmmmm. wwawaawwawawawa.
or am i just butthurt because i am lonely and havent been with a woman as good looking as a MAN, in 11 years?
yeah i think thats part of it too. like if i things had worked out with That Woman I wouldnt even be ENTERTAINING the thought of Dating A Man, hahahahahahahahahahaha.
but yeah, tradgrace is just a really really really interesting case.
so yeah grace you can email me at ufmll at yahoo dot com and we can have a real good conversation hahahaha.
i fully believe that tradgrace has sucked and fooked less cox than the average 25 year old white woman!
anyway i wish i could write as coherently and have as much courage as this transexual man hahahaha.
when i was young we didnt HAVE an alt right. so your only recourse was to slip into a nihilistic escapist world of drugs and alcohol and confusion and chaos and maybe if you still cared about race you could find an internet forum of neo nazi losers who were fat drunk degenerate losers and lived in their mothers basements. never any average normie 13 dollar an hour normies. but crazy neet losers. not the type of people you want to hang out with. rejects hanging out with all the other rejects. drinking and complaining about how all women are negro fookin whores. which 49% of them are hahahahahahaha.
ok screenshot program here, i sent them a 2 dollar dnation toot toot toot toot hahahaha.
i only donate to projects where most of the people have white sounding names hahahaha.
its just EXHAUSTING that you have to be FIGHTING and ARGUING and SELLING and CONVINCING and PERSUADING people ALL THE TIME, like heres why this is valuable, heres why what were doing isnt technically screwing you, just bullshitting and selling all the time, every little and big thing, every person you talk to, youre trying to sell them something they dont want to buy. and i am not talking about “sales”. i am talking about “service”. heres why we cant fix this. heres why you/we cant do this. its just EXHAUSTING. i dont have that much ENERGY. only TRVMP has that much energy.
tfw when no tranny trap qt to help boost your energy hahahaha.
no this is terrible. i never did any bullying to grace, i never bullied anyone.
sheeeeeeeeit. getting nervous about New Job. like what do i say when i dont know waht to say but still have to sound smart and confident and competent? impostor syndrome. how do normies DO this. how is this not a problem for more people. how could not one normie write one book on how to DO this.
i bet tradgrace would try to be nice to me when HE rejected me hahahahahahahaha
HE wouldnt throw me away like a piece of garbage, or get SO DISGUSTED that a low mate value man could get feelings for HIM hahahahaha.
ok ok i shouldnt be making light of tradgrace. really. im not making fun of him. i mean i dont even have a huge problem with calling him her.
how to deal with assholes
an INSANELY VALUABLE LIFE SKILL. I never really learned it. whether the asshole is a bully, or just a rude asshole, or an angry customer, or somebody demanding an explanation, or its just a tough situation. maybe you need to be the asshole.
heh. i might have good communication skills if i didnt get so flustered and nervous.
worried about getting somehow rejected, or humiliated. dumped, fired, yelled at, insulted, bullied, thought of as an idiot or a weakling, shamed, shunned, given a hard time, verbally abused hahaha.
emotional labor theres a new phrase i learned in current year hehehehe.
ok not spacing out muh posts so well, get a short post followed by a very long post. DEAL WITH IT hahahaha.
heh i like this arab/negro bath where you just wash you crotch region with soap and water and a bounty paper towel hahahaha. pretty effective and ridiculously FAST. TIME IS MONEY wagie! TICK TOCK! BACK TO WORK! ANOTHER DAY, ANOTHER DOLLAR!
ok. completed final tb test, the “reading”. this nurse woman looked at it for literally 1 second and said OK youre all set! then i took the papers they gave me and drove them down to HR myself because they said they were gonna mail a copy, and i figured, deliver the myself so they can get them before the end of the day friday, rather than get them on tuesday, plus thanksgiving next week, etc.
got pair of medium champion sweatpants. they do not look nearly as big and sloppy as the Large sweatpants. got the sweatpants with gift card from research study. no money wasting. but it would have been worth it to spend real money because they LOOK A LOT BETTER. less neet virgin, less incel, less r9k, less loser, less nevergf.
whenever i see a damn woman my first thought is a knee jerk automatic negative thought about her being a Stupid, Immature Slut, fooking lots of cox, and being lost and fallen and a big baby, a damn CHILD. contempt and smug superiority is the first thing i feel when seeing a random woman. and i cant even use that smug superiority to translate into masculine confidence in dealing with these women directly. in those cases, then i feel hugely inferior!
bought this book impulsively because i need to do SOMETHING to IMPROVE muhself hahahaha.
i just heard about DBT this year, a few months ago, from a person in the social work field, and then i started seeing it everywhere, and the best selling self help books were all DBT, see people mentioning DBT all over reddit, etc. yeah marsha ((((linehan)))) is a jooess but I think she really does want to help people. (update: i think she is actually hwyte and linehan is an irish name)
and yeah DBT was originally developed for BORDERLINE…..but that doesnt mean it hasnt also been used very effectively for LESS SERIOUS things like bipolar or depression or anxiety.
so, me reading this book does not mean im an antiwhite joo, or that i am a totally batshit borderline.
Mindfulness, Interpersonal Effectiveness, Emotion Regulation & Distress Tolerance
uh YASSSS PLEASE these are all things i wouldnt mind improving!!!!!
so i thought well maybe i am a phag and maybe i would date tradgrace. but i wouldnt want to get sodomized by her D hahahaha. overall i just felt sympathy and pity for grace. i didnt think he/she should be thrown in the oven or bullycided. that in an ideal world we would use medical science to turn him into a real woman.
and that since im not really a real man, maybe it is appropriate that the best i can get is a not real woman. i mean me and grace both agree on the ideal of a man and a woman.
but a big worry of mine is that grace will have to continue taking female hormones the rest of “her” life. right?
and does something happen to hormone levels when you cut off a man’s balls?
im concerned about male vs female HORMONES in other words.
also, even if grace got rid of all the male hormones and got her D cut off and a Cosmetic V made….. he/she still doesnt have the internal works, the uterus, the ovaries, the menses, the physical essence of being a woman. even if he/she kinda DOES have the mental/spiritual essence of an Ideal Woman. he/she can never DO what WOMEN DO: have babies. and NOT in a way that an infertile woman can’t have babies.
so i thought, what is the best life for grace? whats the best way for them to have a family? should they?
I thought she might be a good tradwife for a beta male, or a gay man, or a guy like me that has good intentions, but just not enough Good Results to pull a Real Woman. and then maybe we could adopt white children from white deadbeats who have no interest in being good parents.
but i want REAL children of my own!
and dont you think GRACE does too?
so the best would be for grace to use her male sperm to have a baby with a white surrogate mother?
and then maybe grace could raise the child with her well-meaning but beta male husband?
how about an infertile male? plenty of men are “shooting blanks” and want to have children but they just have bad sperm!
another possibility would be grace becoming a celibate religious woman. but i am pretty sure grace is a larpagan and not into k1kegod hahahaha. hmmmm.
i think grace would be a good, loving parent to children…….but how the HELL do you tell your CHILD that their “mother” was born a MAN? do you EVER tell them?
this is a rock and a hard place. thats why i feel such sympathy and pity for grace. i think he/she is proceeding the best he/she can under these ridiculously unfortunate circumstances.
see i never felt like a real man, always inadequate and inferior and fairly feminine………..but i was never unhappy with being a MAN, i NEVER felt like im a woman stuck in a mans body.
i just feel like a Highly Above Average Feminine man, and I dont whether I should try to purge that femininity from me. i mean, im ok with accepting it……but so many WOMEN are NOT! And I would prefer to be with a woman than a transexual MtF hahahahaha.
really i think the answer is not for me to remove femininity from myself, but rather ADD MASCULINITY. by doing shit, facing fears, being courageous, being productive, lifting weights, doing more manly things.
i dunno. maybe grace needs to find her FtM counterpart haahahaha then they can get together and raise white children.
i mean yeah grace is literally a very special snowflake hahahaha.
so how could grace impregnate the FtM? they would both have to be “PREOP”. im not even sure grace is preop. I am SURE grace looks at her D and feels disgusted and wants to get rid of it.
i have NEVER had that feeling, except on VERY rare occasions like “i wish i could chop this stupid thing off and stop being attracted to women!!!! because im sick of failing with women!!!!!”
it wasnt a persistent thing, like i really really really really want to get rid of this D.
shit. did i mention i got a call for an interview today from the Top Rated Health Company I reallllllllllly wanted the IT job at, interviewed for, never heard back. they called today. i was like oh shit are they gonna OFFER me the IT job. then i would HAVE to turn down the job i was just offered. but no. it was for the different payroll job i appleid to a few days ago. so i was like welp i accepted this other offer, sorry, but I think your company is great and I may well apply in a year.
but yeah. it was just haunting to me that a “batshit crazy trannie” probably has had a less degen life than the average REAL woman, tons of casual sex, abortions, throwing people away, breaking hearts, cheating. grace hasnt done ANY of that. probably only been with 1 or 2 guys. long term rels only. and also all women are crazy anyway, dont know what they want, they are probably jsut about as crazy as a man who wants to become a woman.
but I have HUGE issues with women tho!!!!!! maybe if i didnt, then i would have a more “appropriate” reaction towards grace, that is, throw this degenerate into the oven immediately!!!!!!
so maybe this DBT book by the jooess will help me with my automatic negative thoughts and feels about Women hahahaha.
its not even BY the jooess, its by goys and building on the framework of the jooess.
uhh she is a “long term roman catholic” hehehe. is linehan a jooish name? i thought it was but it may be one of those irish names that sorta SOUNDS jooish. anyway linehan herself was/is batshit crazy with schizo and or borderline……but she became a very respected professor.
anyway i…..am starting to think she is not jooish. good!
joo york slimes article on linehan
wow she went through some shit, was totally batshit institutionalized, many suicide attempts, but gradually got her life together, did a lot of praying to catholic god, also got into mindfulness, i can appreciate all this! good for her! seriously!
ok linehan is an IRISH name hahaha confirmed. good.
i mean i dont rule joos OUT, like i still like leonard cohen, its just that when im not sure about a person, i would prefer for them to be not jooish, because, on the whole, on average, joos are bad hahahahaha.
i mean if i could ever think straight and not be anxious or angry and flustered, and in control of muh emotions, i think i am probably smart enough to figure out how to do things, how to fix problems, how to communicate well, how to be competent, how to add value, how to SELL shit all day, how to bullshit my way out of things, hahahaha. but its just i always get flustered by muh emotions. which is what women do hahahaha.
NOT ALL WOMEN.
NOT EVEN MOST WOMEN hahahaha.
ok. i think i concluded that i will tell people that i was LAID OFF and that the center closed in late spring 2015. none of the coworkers are gonna try to investigate when the center closed. and then i just had a REAL HARD TIME finding a job and did NOT want to go back to the Service Desk World, BAMN, and I had a tuff time finding a non service desk job. REAL tuff. hey. i coulda taken this FT job for 16 bucks an hour, but id rather take a part time job for 11 bucks an hour, because its not a service desk!
so yeah these sweatpants look a lot better than the old ones. i should just throw them out. i mean when you wear clothes that are just WAY TOO BIG you look BAD, like a FAILURE hahahaha, it is not good for the CONFIDENCE. i mean if you have unshakable confidence and a qt trapwaifu to loyally comfort you, fine, good for you, dress like a slob and see how long your qt trapwife will stand by u, hahahaha. but if you are a lonely emo just struggling to do the bare minimum, you need all the help with confidence you can get, and Dressing Better is a very valuable thing.
did i mention i showed courage and bravery and asked this guy about MJ. so i am just glad i showed courage and bravery and talked about it directly. he said he could not do it right NOW, and i said thats just fine, and it really is, he had a very good reason. i was just glad to DO SOMETHING like a MAN and not be too AFRAID to DO SOMETHING.
of course MJ is degen AF hehehehe. but i want to go thru that degen phase. its not NEARLY as degen as being a tranny or a WOMAN hahahaha
heh. between WOMEN and TRANNIES, i sympathize with the TRANNY. WOW. that says a lot about ME.
but honestly. i dont mean to bully or be mean to grace. he/she has a tough path in life, and he/she has the good intentions of wanting to do whats best for The Race. which is more than i can say for most women hahahaha.
yeah but women arent SUPPOSED to care about the race!
women arent SUPPOSED to be mature adults!
women arent SUPPOSED to know what they want!
women arent SUPPOSED to be held accountable for anything!
the dog isnt SUPPOSED to control himself from eating the steak!
women arent SUPPOSED to learn how to CONTROL themselves! only MEN are SUPPOSED to do that!
see? see? slippery slope hahahaha.
women are SUPPOSED/EXPECTED to be able to know that killing your babies is wrong!
THEY DONT KNOW ANY BETTER!
THEY CANT BE EXPECTED TO ACT ANY BETTER!
THEYRE INCAPABLE OF being responsible, accountable, full mature adults!
well yeah a lot of them ARE tho.
if i actually hung out more women who WERE mature adults then i would see that literally NOT ALL WOMEN are immature bratty children.
then i would probably fall in luv with them and they would treat me like a bratty child would hahahaha.
prof linehan spent years in a psych ward for schizo and got tons of thorazine and electroshock, but she still did well with her life. they said she was schizo but she thinks she was actually Borderline.
im really not sure which is worse. both are horrible. schizo is TECHNICALLY worse probably, but i still think borderline is FOOKING AWFUL.
anyway if DBT can work on FOOKING AWFUL serious shit, then it stands to reason that it could work on more pleb garden variety shit tier stuff. babbys first mental disorder like despair or anxiety hahahaha.
which is more of a spiritual or moral disorder hahahaha. ok, how about “EMOTIONAL”. i would def agree on that term. i mean what is “mental” anyway.
took some nyquil. probably dont have to!
got a list of things i should study before starting the job in over 2 weeks. programs and shit. i wanted to make a good impression with the boss. told him i want to HIT THE GROUND RUNNING so theres as little of a learning curve as possible and that i can study as much shit as possible in the 2 weeks before i start. here is muh cell phone number and personal email boss, you can give them to the other people on the team.
can i log into my account. did the admit set up my account yet. i would do it myself if i could, but uh thats a OpSec AppSec NetSec issue, we cant all be admins hahaha you as a phd would understand. i dont need to tell you this boss. but i know you know, and i want you to know i know you know.
had a dream last night that featured andrew anglin, and, in a cameo appearance, weev. i was in a bookstore or comic book store that was owned by anglin. he regularly came in and did honest work in the store, selling his books and dealing with angry asshole customers. i said to the other customers, dont you know who that little guy is? thats anglin man, he owns this store, he’s done all this great work for our race, i should say something to him. i was too scared to approach him since he appeared focused on work and wasnt talking to anyone. weevs cameo was as an assistant of anglin. they were calling peoples names who had orders. he called my name for like the 3rd time as i came to receive the 3rd or so book i had ordered. this one was the autobiography of anglin himself, which looked like a fun book with plenty of graphic novel / comic type illustrations.
that was about it. i didnt talk to anglin OR weev.
anyway both of these guys should write books, incl autobiographies, id buy them and read them.
its possible anglin is currently in the US. of course i cant blame him for being circumspect about where he currently is. he also has a very qt blond gf, total 8/10 at least. good for him. he is shorter than ME but he is WAYYYYY more manly than me. i mean look at all the good he’s done with his LIFE. i ADMIRE him.
i hope he doesnt go crazy when his gf dumps him. i hope she is nice to him when she dumps him. i hope she doesnt dump him, and they get married and have 5 children!!!!!!!!!!
but he and me have similar dim views of women. and i dont want that to keep him from meeting a good woman. i bet he has faced a lot of humiliating rejection from women in his life, and so i sympathize with him greatly.
no proof. just speculation because he is really short and he has a knee jerk negative attitude about women. but TOO MANY ARE huge sluts!
but if he (I) didnt get rejected more than he got Luved, then he wouldnt even THINK about all those sluts. those rejecting sluts, who say yes to everyone else, but NO to manlets like us hahahaha.
well i dont WANT a woman who says YES to everyone else…….well i dont want them for the mother of muh children. but i might want them right NOW for the short term because i havent been with a woman in 11 years hahaha.
get therapy, work on yourself for at least 10 more years and you cant date anyone until you are 100% fixed, prepare for 10-20 years, or a lifetime of, incel hahahaha
you cant date until youre perfect. women can date even when they are batshit imperfect. because women can get pregnant. this is right and just.
i just wish women were LESS HARSH to the men they arent attracted to. accept that this is a person and not a disgusting vermin hahaha. of course hes not entitled to you to like him back. just dont PUNISH him for having the AUDACITY to LIKE you. its not the end of the damn world. he isnt commiting a damn CRIME. its like EXECUTING someone for going 6 over the speed limit. It’s like sawing a persons face off while they’re alive and screaming, for doing a lane change with not enough turn signalling. punishment does not fit the crime.
i was referring to this horrible shock video of a mexican drug cartel torturing and killing this guy by slowly tearing his face off while he is still conscious hahaha. I AINT WATCHIN DAT SHIT N199A.jpg hahahahaha.
no i never watched it. i just read a thread about it. 10 years ago, i would have been tempted to watch it. now, hell no.
buy new balance shoes and products because they are hated by leftists and try to make a lot of their products in the US and have not sold out to CHINA. and a ton of shitlibs are boycotting new balance, and nationalists and rights are openly wearing new balance as a signal. DO IT.
yeah i know its wayyyyyyy too expensive if youre a neet. or even if you are not a neet but just a normie making 12 bucks an hour and pay 800 bucks a month for rent and 1000 bucks a month for college loans and 300 bucks a month for car and 300 bucks a month for health care and 100 bucks a month for cable and 100 bucks a month for utilities.
thats 2600 bucks every month for expenses. at at 12 dollars an hour, you only MAKE 2400 bucks at 50 hours a week, WAGIE. so how can you AFFORD to spend 80 bucks on a pair of PRO WHITE SHOES.