PLEASE SCAM ME

dec 25 2016

merry xmassssssssssssss

hehehe i like this brand new tradition i just started where i give xmas donations to decent people. paypal or bitcoin. gave donaations today to fatherland podcast, counter-currents aka grindr greggy, NPI aka richard spencer, daily stormer aka andre, smaller dnation to good morning huhwhyte america with adam and mary. i only listened to 1 episode but i know they are great people, adam appeared several times on fatherland, and GMWA is a beautiful family-oriented husbando and waifu pro-white podcast, which is comfy AF and just good stuff. also very pro-christ hahahaha.

also gave small dnation to GEORGE FEELS and hope he reads my message talking about using small amounts of medical MJ to help with his despair, doing a skype talk one day, using myfitnesspal to count calories and lose weight, and to look moar into the alt-right. really should have given him moar than 5 dollars, but hey he works 30 hours a week hahahahahaha. more than i do!!!!!!

have now dnated 190 dollars to alt-right causes in my life hahahaha. 45 dollars was in bitcoin hahahaha.

heres the message i sent to GEORGE FEELS:

Merry Christmas George! Just found your channel this year and I can relate. Don’t listen to the haters in your comments! But I would respectfully recommend 2 things: 1. do an in-depth experimentation with the legal MJ in your state and make a series of videos fully describing your experience. I suspect that MJ, at the right dosage, can alleviate despair somewhat. 2. MyFitnessPal is a GREAT tool for measuring calories in one’s diet and exercise. It helped me lose a ton of weight fairly quickly. The main thing was that I was simply eating WAY more than I really needed! See the actual numbers helped me discipline my raging appetite haha. You should also check out more Alt-Right stuff like The Right Stuff forums, great positive group of people that can help you feel good about your legacy as a Huhwhyte Man. One day I would ideally like to have a Skype talk with you, but maybe in 2018 haha. Maybe think about recording skype talks with other like minded people. (NOT the hecklers in your comments!!!!) Take care and next time you feel like sipping the Fermented Joo, please try a SMALL dose of The Herbal Joo instead, hahaha. Best wishes to you and your family! Also, are there any young fresh off the boat Ukrainian girls arriving in your area? You could potentially show them around, hahahaha. Take care buddy.

hehehehe. arent I SO NICE???!?!?!?!

I wouldnt send him any money if he were not HUHWHYTE.

There’s a chance he could be a JQ because a lot of JQ’s came from Da Ukraine, I’ve met some IRL. But pretty sure he said something about his family being somewhat christian. of COURSHE j’s can convert to christian, and i don’t like that, but…..gonna give him the benefit of the doubt. i guess there’s a chance he might have uzbek or kyrgyz in him. also gonna give him benefit of doubt. he looks more than 50% huhwhyte. despite the brown hair and brown eyes hahahaha. if he reveals he is not huhwhyte, i will not give him anything next year hahahaha.

if he is 25% jooish and 75% huhwhyte, i would also give him the benefit of the doubt. i am remarkably generous towards quadroons who choose to identify with their huhwhyte side.

played some poker on xmas eve and had a remarkably good day. doubled from 4 to 8 basically after 3 or 4 good hands. PRAISE GOD.

hahahaha i had the first and so far only xmas day dnation to andre anglin hehehehe YOURE WELCOME. he cashed it out within 30 minutes. which is smart, considering the VOLATILITY of btc, and that its own a downswing right now. ENJOY your 6.16 USD goy hahahaha. buy fookin 6 shitburgers on christs bday. how cheap and JQ am I?????!?!?!?!?!?!?

and not many people are dnating to good morning white america at all.

that feel when you are watching the travel channel and you see a jooish gurl you used to go to jooniversity with, and now she is a phd scientist commenting as an expert for TV shows hahahahaha. then you look the tv clip and confirm it is actually the person. she is about your age. well it doesnt say PHD after her name, but she is probably a PHD hahahahahahaha.

well i didnt really hate the gurl. she was a little autistic and weird and jooish, and i knew her because she was dating an acquaintance of mine who was super weird and super autistic and rather jooish hahahaha. this was like 11 years ago. yeah she looks older of course, but it still looked so much like this woman, i had to do some internet research. confirmed it is indeed her. well good for her, i never really hated her. well, other than i was suspect that she didnt give my jooish male acquaintance a fair enough chance. he could not have been easy to date though, he was confirmed super autistic. and they dated for pretty much a long time.

see, i used to be friendly and social with Literal Joos!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

and i would give them both a pass to get out of the oven hahahaha. i wouldnt have a problem with them going to israhell tho hahahahaha.

not gonna donate any money to THEM, they are jooish professionals making like 60 grand a year each hahahaha. at least.

but yeah they werent individually wrecking nations and genociding whites and promoting degeneracy. they were pretty neurotic joos tho!

where do you get off being a BLUE EYED JOO? I just dont get or like that. I mean this gurl was not an ugly ratfaced joo. now i’m wondering, was she even really a joo? I thought she WAS, but yeah, nonugly, blue eyes, you start to wonder. maybe only half JQ?

she wasnt a horrible person though. i would spare her the oven. and him. i liked him better hahahahaha.

just an unexpected thing to see on tv on christmas while watching travel channel with the fam.

i actually sent an EMAIL to george feels because after d’nating to him, I had a concern that concerns him. not going to talk about it here, but we’ll see if he emails me back. used muh new alt right email hahahaha. maybe he will be too intimidated. i tried not to be too intimidating, overwhleming, or pushy, or overbearing.

super JQ tv station vice showed terminator 1 last night, which is a great movie, and my god was linda hamilton not bad looking when she was 24 years old. horry sheet. unfort she shows her bare bosoms like a jooish wh0re. but its a very white knighting sentimental true luv secs scene. i still dont think they should have made her show her milkers though. show true luvsecs without any nudity. other than that the movie is good and not very jooish at all. but yeah my god was she a qt in 1984. in the healthy non-woman-hating man, this will kindle a natural white knight urge. in the mgtow woman-hater, it will kindle nothing, it will make you say, fook you, i’m not gonna white knight for some damn skank, thats how they GET you.  hahahahahahaha. hell no im not gonna fall for this TEMPTRESS’S TRICKS!!!!!!!!

rather you identify with kyle reese and say yes i am going to protect this woman. i mean thats what you SHOULD do.

not resist your NATURAL urge to white knight because bitches be bitches taking advantage of this urge to get gibs! which they DO….but not all women hahahahahahahahahaha.

hmm. i mean if women were damn crafty parasites looking to scam as much gibs as possible…..they would be approaching me and trying to scam ME, thinking, what can i use this poor neet omega virgin for? but that literally NEVER happens!!!!!!!

maybe im just not good enough to even be scammed hahahahahahahahaha.  i mean ….

well i DO have resources that can be scammed!

PLEASE SCAM ME!!!!!!

hhehehehehehehe

i guess im not considered the LOW HANGING FRUIT because i am invisible and im literally NOT advertising that i have a lot of resources to easily scam. like, they’d actually have to WORK to scam me. and yeah, they WOULD. I mean I actually VET people. EXTREME VETTING. I vetted HER too. and she passed the vetting! I still wont retroactively flunk her there! because what she did was simple cowardice, not really a 180 of character, even though it FELT like it at the time, because it was SOOOOO painful.

like they say, never attribute to malice what can be explained by ignorance. or cowardice. or laziness. she was ignorant and lazy and especially cowardly, but i really dont think she was EVIL.

not gonna donate any money to HER though hahahahaha. she doesnt do anything to strengthen our huhwhyte race hehehehehe. refuses to have anything to do with me.

they say you are over someone when you just don’t care if they are with someone else. well i guess im not there yet but i guess i am kinda close. i mean i dont want to know that she is with someone else! i just dont want to hear about her EVER AGAIN.

well yeah in a way i always care. because im like b1tch, you coulda been WITH ME. damn. i just dont want to hear ANYTHING about them EVER again, unless they want to be with me.

hmm hope paypal didnt shut down my account because im not using my real name. using my alt right name, just opened this account a few weeks ago, to start sending donations under a fake name. tried to send one to TRS and it wouldnt let. either me or TRS has the prob. i would think they would have more of a problem with TRS. “h8” group receiving thousands of shekels. rather than me donating like 20 dollars to various people.

2016-12-25-18_25_00-mint-_-transactions

hahahahahahahahaha SO GENEROUS!!!! SO HUMBLE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

this is how i stroke muh ego and muh conscience. i mean i am totally getting something out of it too. a lot. lets not pretend to be SELFLESS about it! the satisfaction is really THAT strong. it’s almost unfair to THEM. i get WAY more Satisfaction out of donating 5 dollars than they get by GETTING 5 dollars!!!!!

but some people wont donate to george because they feel his current videos arent really doing anything. i disagree. and i give him a LITTLE money just as a good faith thing, to put my money where my mouth is, and maybe he will take my advice more seriously. I really WOULD like to see him try some MJ, make videos about it, and i think myfitnesspal really COULD help him lose weight.

as far as getting women, i don’t even know. i’m almost as much a foreveralone virgin as him.

and i also think becoming more racially aware and alt right could help him the same way it helped me.

so i give him this advice and give him a cash tip to show I’m serious hehehe. i mean i dont think he is getting TONS of donations. i bet he gets BARELY ANY. so when somebody donates ANYTHING, he’s likely to LISTEN to them.

i mean shit. he makes more money than I do. probably TWICE as much money as me. ANd I’m donating to HIM?

want to donate ME money? send bitcoin to

13AZJj5mo4QT8UqE9A4v4cERBQ6wFuEF5d

please hahahahhahahahahahahaha.

uhhhh i dont want to give any of my paypals, i’d have to set up a third paypal for this blog, becuase i don’t want to blatantly confirm my alt right WN identity on this blog, though you can probably figure it out, and thats not even a huge deal to me. i just dont want to make it EXPLICIT, exactly because I don’t want to brag about being a neet loser basically. and being a neet loser undermines my credibility as a WN.

it doesn’t go both ways, me saying I Am A WN on this blog doesn’t undermine my credibility as a NEET……because as I neet, I by definition HAVE no credibility!!!!!!!

Neets are more Punished and Shamed than WN’s! Neets are more hated than White Racists!!!!!!!!!

heh. good thing i have both bases covered.

funny how we can see linda hamilton go from being 24 year old beautiful waifu qt, to being like 57 years old in 2016. An Old Menopausal Infertile Withered Old Hag. She’s prob not obese though. could be tho. I heard Shelley Duvall is now obese.

i am not even gonna look up 2016 photos of either of these women. even by T2 in 1996, linda hamilton had certainly lost a lot of her youthful beauty. it’s a direct function of youth!!!!!!! and that was TWENTY fookin current years ago!!!!!

have invested about 130 dollars GAMBLING since i started gambling at the bitcoin poker room in early 2014. almost 3 years. 130 dollars.  43 dollars a year. thats not horrible. i have seen people blow through like 500 dollars in 2 hours at the real casino. HORRIBLE.

dont know what else to say about that!

but i tell you what, i wouldnt mind to have the privilege to go down the street and buy some dank MJ like George Feels can hahahaha. its really weird how he doesnt really mention it. I’m sure he prob mentioned it for 1 minute, or maybe 1 comment, probably something like “i’m not interested in it” or “i tried it once and didnt like it.” but i think he should at least do a full video on it, and he hasn’t done that. he’s mentioned alcohol blatantly in the title of several videos!

and i think MJ would do him better than alcohol.

not saying he should smoke an oz a day, or get so blazed he has a panic attack. which is a very real possibility for many people, including myself, and the THOUSANDS of people who go to EMERGENCY ROOMS in colorado now that mj is legal, and people get SUPER blazed, have a panic attack, think they’re dying or having a heart attack. i’ve BEEN there, DONE that. it HAPPENS, don’t DENY it, you damn degen stoners. anyway, just saying he should take one puff, get a little blazed. better than getting drunk thats for sure.

it just seems WEIRD that a person who lives in a state with LEGAL MJ would not even TRY MJ and make a big obvious statement on it. while others of us daydream about taking a trip to colorado and smokin tons of legal MJ hahahahahahaha. i mean i might just do it. and visit george while i am there. convince him to sm0ke with me hahahahahahahaha. be like try this maaaaannnn, your life isnt getting any better, you arent getting any younger. hahahaha.

wow looks like george michael dead is NOT a hoax. died on xmas. today. kinda ironic because of his huge hit xmas song. last xmas by WHAM! of course. age 53. nothing saying cause of death. i dont think he had GRIDS tbh. maybe drugs then.

one simply does not pass away peacefully at home at age 53. coulda been cancer. that sucks worse than GRIDS. dying of cancer at 53. sheeeeeeeeit.

i mean yeah he was a gay degenerate but so many Famous People died this year. and really, george michael is not as significant as leonard cohen, david bowie, or prince. but you see what i mean. and cohen was the only one that was really OLD and dying at what i would say is a natural age.

yeah well not even degenerates deserve to die on christmas day at age 53. he had a greek name, not sure how white he was. i guess he was a greek cypriot. cypriot greek. i mean its borderline fam. the ancient greeks were absolutely huhwhyte i know. but modern greek cypriots?????? i mean the man was swarthy af. he had the thickest beard I have ever seen. he was pretty handsome tho. but degenerate. he didnt HAVE to be so degenerate.

sheeeeit i wish i had been born in like 1996. kids these days dont WANT to do drugs, they dont WANT negro secs, they WANT to be alt right traditionalists!!!!!! this new generation is interested in the old morality! and NOT in being degenerates, like my older generation was/is!!!! we were all like, yeah lets get FOOKED UP because getting FOOKED UP is FUN and FEELS GOOD and IF IT FEELS GOOD, DO IT!!!!! nothing was sacred, absolutely nothing. all women were dirty sluts. the only pleasure in this world was to get fooked up on alcohol and drugs, cuz everything else sucks.  beat off to porn, go to strip clubs, maybe bang some sluts at best.

young kids these days are rejecting this garbage, AS THEY SHOULD.

so yeah i have a lot of hope and optimism in the young kids of today, in other words. like the kids who are 16 to 20 right now, in 2016. but people who are 26 or older? fook no. they’re finished. beyond redemption.

hey i WANT to be redeemed. I am done with being a degen. HOWEVER I still want to sm0ke MJ. I’m not WILLING to give that up entirely. i want a PASS on that one. i AM willing to keep it a SECRET from the alt right hahahahaha because i totally udnerstand why they don’t like it. i wouldnt want my kids doing it. more than once a year hahahahaha.

i just need it for medicine because i am irreparably broken hahahahahaha.

i know its shameful and i dont have a problem keeping it in the closet!!!!!

but as long as i dont have it i will continue to talk about it hehehehehehe.

also i would only talk about it in the “CLOSET” of muh neet blog, and NEVER in the out of the closet on my alt right blog, which I don’t really have. I guess muh neet blog would be it!

i mean its gonna happen in the next 10 years. each state is falling one by one to the legal MJ train. and you cant just have a country where half the states have it and half dont. each of those states will EVENTUALLY vote in legal MJ. its INEVITABLE. and i am happy about that. just impatient.

well…..SHOULD i be so happy? because i can agree MJ isnt a generally GOOD thing. i just want to be the exception. so why should i want a society that encourages it? i shouldnt!!!!!!

could it be legal AND socially shamed? fook no. come on. look at alcohol and porn. those are tolerated and celebrated!!!!!! if you are an alcoholic yeah thats kinda shameful, but in every town there are bars full of people celebrating alcohol and getting drunk.

 

FRIENDS IS FINE, BEST FRIENDS IS NOT

nov 3

welp did interview for PT, 11 dollars an hour job. went ok. lasted 1 hour. i was not super nervous. still stumbled on some questions and tried to bullshit some bullshit. even though i personally think education is a bunch of bullshit, i just like the idea of working at this school. everyone was nice. the woman there, i had known her from 3 years ago when i used to say hello to her and chit chat, she was very nice to me and i was very nice to her. did not expect to see her today, wasnt sure she still worked in this department. the Director is a Big Confident Guy with beautiful white family, working on a PhD right now, he is very big on Education, that kind of shit. i am very big on pulling your kids out of public schools and homeschooling them away from the brown hordes and FEDGOV bullshit. maybe he doesnt like FEDGOV bullshit either and wants to FIX things by being PART of the school board. he worked for x years in Horrible Black Public Schools and i tip my fedora to that. I would not survive a day in that jungle. but i dont think the experience made him a White Nationalist Red Pilled on Race at all, rather, hes doubled down on All Children can succeed with a good Education. and he’s not gonna change his mind because he’s worked hard, had a successful career, has a beautiful family, seems like a genuinely decent guy, has a masterz degree, and in a few years will have a phd.

i mean i have a probably better than average chance of getting this job because i know two, technically 3 people in the department. but i have been rejected for 3 diff PT jobs by this org before, even though i worked at the org for 5 years 3 years ago. so…..again i am no stranger to getting rejected for 11 an hour PT jobs from a place i previous worked.

had a dream where i started making out with this very qt gurl i used to work with at that same job. now she got married and i was never friends with her, but she was always very nice to everybody, very bubbly and nice and pleasant, and very very qt. she Connected with me on Linkedin like 6 months ago and i was like damn she is a nice gurl, good wife and mother material there, that guy got a CATCH. and straight up 8/10 qt hahahahaha. way out of my league. way out of his league. anyway if she were interested in me i would forget about That Woman forever hehehehe. she has a successful career now (the qt gurl) and i am not resentful about it.

yeah i would have enjoyed making out with her, cuddling, secs, dating. i didnt really try with her because a. i didnt work with her that much b. i knew right away she had a BF. the guy she ended up marrying.

was at weekly social thing yesterday and saw a VERY attractive young woman, another total 8. long legs, nice white skin, long brownish hair, pretty face, just the right amount of Meat on the Hips/Buttocks area, good good. i wonder what her BMI is. because SOME women might be self-conscious about being FAT, and then other degenerates would be like BBW The Fatter The Better, but she just looked Healthy and Fertile AF to me. child bearing hips. definitely not anorexic. just the ideal normal young woman body. not fat but not overly skinny. not fat but a little soft in all the right areas. not in a fetishist way. but in a NORMAL way. i could not stop looking at her. if a gurl like THAT were interested in me, i would be OVER That Woman right NOW. yesterday.

yes of course this new woman was objectively more attractive than That Woman.

but yeah, point is, there ARE still attractive young women out there who, if i were spending time with them and they were being nice to me, i could see myself Getting Over THAT woman.

but these women are SO attractive as to be WAY out of my league. like i say. 25 year old full blown 8’s hahahaha. whereas i am more a 6.8 type guy.

and That Woman was probably closer to a 6.8 than a 8? really? the midpoint is 7.4.

i mean in that 6,7,8 range, you really DO need to drill it down like that.  that is a LOT of ground to cover, a LOT of variation, that is WAY more noticeable than like 1 to 1.1 haha.

anyway, getting this job would be fine, because everyone seems nice and i know a couple people there. i wouldnt want to get COMPLACENT though. because you need an FT job, not some damn 25 hours a week, 11 an hour, 275 a week,  13.7k a year job. sheeeeeeeeeeeeit. aint nobody can live off that!

but muh anxiety and mental and emotional health are always a damn problem, im practically damn disabled hahaha. should really see a professional about that hahahaha.

maybe i need to get a new shrink hahahahahahaha.

see i like my shrink very much. but the actual progress could be a little better haha.

i know people who are REALLY SERIOUS about managing their Issues go through like 10, 14 shrinks before they find the right one, not just stick with the first one.  so maybe thats my problem.

heh my problem is that i dont want to go back to school hahahaha.

bbbbut i already have 18 years of education.

but if its not enough of not the right KIND, then i obviously need to go back and get more!

well i guess its good that what i want to do is very exact: help under-40 white men with despair, anxiety, neet, shyness, autismal, failure, rejection, alcohol, MJ, nevergf, virgins, rels. period. no blacks, no browns, no borderline, no sociopaths, no schizo, maybe flexible on bipolar, no nonnevergfs.

and thing is, masters degrees are ridiculously specific too. like speech language therapist, or IT Business Analyst, or Black Social Work, or Charter High School Librarian, or basically masters degrees are tailored to very specific jobs. and my concern is there are just not a lot of JOBS in what i want to do, to help that small ass market. there are way more social work jobs for the more shitty kind of social work. plus social work is pretty stressful too eh hahahaha.

i shouldnt crap on these female MSW’s, ive gotten better i swear. they work hard, theyre not idiots, and if they are horrible sluts in their personal life, they probably try to do as little damage as possible. have decent empathy hahaha. dont just murder hearts in cold blood hahaha.

but to have the county send you all its worst black juvenile delinquents, god damn. i would not want that. or people who get neglected and abused by their damn shitty families. i only want to help shitty people from GOOD families hahahaha.

basically i would have to do some revolutionary marketing and appeal to people that are Too Stubborn to Get Therapy. AND be able to make it affordable for them.

well i guess having a generous Sliding Scale is a must.

Again I am willing to be an unlicensed therapist for 12 dollars an hour, noting that i am just giving it my best effort and trying to handle shit above my pay grade hahahaha.

constantly handling shit above your pay grade without help and without error IS your job hahahaha.

yeah ok i would be happy to get this 13k a year job hahaha. because i could see myself not going mad. plus it would position me to have a better chance at getting ANY job, for the phaggots that are very gapist, and who are rejecting me mainly because of The Gap.

Listen. Heres the thing. I would probably be pretty GOOD in a relship if the woman gave me a fair CHANCE. if she was willing to COMMUNICATE. USE YOUR WORDS, like a GROWN UP. doesnt have to be a conversation. can be an exchange of letters. i know its easy to get NERVOUS and not communicate very well sometimes. so write a letter in the safety of your own comfort zone where i cant gaslight and minimize and abuse you and make you feeeeeeeeeel weird. thats FINE.

then i would talk to this one guy and see if he can get me an MJ order. if so, I will be ecstatic and put in a 100 dollar order. go big. if not…….i guess i will continue scheming to get a medical card. go to this “clinic” and complain of carpal tunnel pain and say hey doc, i’m MORE THAN WILLING to meet with you again in 1 month, 3 months, to establish a bona fide doctor patient relship here. i’ll just come see you again in 3 months, say i have the same arm pain, and you can give me a rec then. i can wait 3 months. i’ll pay for a second visit, even a THIRD visit.

then try to be the best employee ever, learning so much, showing so much initiative, buying treats for everyone, shit i’ll make cookies if i have to. be like hey boss i was reading the journal of blabla the other day and it said this, or did you see this ted talk by cheryl sandberg, can I capture your thoughts on that.

i mean it was a quiet office, the phone wasnt ringing off the hook, yeah i would like to have this job! its super close, took less than 10 minutes to drive there. wasnt a call center, people are nice.

i mean honestly. i was able to handle an insane working environment for a FULL YEAR. 40+ hours a week of torture in the sense of constant panic and dread and fear and anxiety. and i improved and earned respect and eventually became a Good, Reliable, Trusted person. Top 40% material hahahaha.

i cannot forget that it was not the job alone that pushed me over the edge, but the COMBINATION of BOTH the job AND the woman. AND if things had worked out better with the woman, things PROBABLY would have worked out better with the job. and now im afraid all jobs will be that bad. well they CANT be, even a shitty call center would be better because That Woman wouldnt be there!

world series. who gives a fook. normies making 50k a year, with families and kids, thats who.

heh. millennial woes really needs to do a road trip rather than just visit west and east coast. i mean dnations have already paid for this whole thing. thats fine. just get in a car and see some of White Middle America. it might leave him a little more optimistic is all. all of us is not like cali or NY or DC!!!!!

also he needed to spend a few days in LA and not just go right to San fran. although i guess san fran is full of asians, but they are all tech asians making 300k a year and not being violent.

http://mpcdot.com/forums/topic/9182-all-apologies-why-i-architected-the-modern-social-justice-movement/

weev does a lot of good posting on MPC

i donate .14 euros to weev per week hahahaha. this has accumulated over several months to where it can be said that i have indeed bought weev a hearty meal hehehehe.

i mean i dont like how he makes hacking sound so EASY. oh just pick up a book on python or C. I have spent…6 hours a week, 26 weeks, 156 hours at least doing C++, and i dont feel it really GOT me anywhere. I’m like, this si fooking POINTLESS, its not gonna help me make 12 dollars an hour, you need to do at least 14880 hours on it at then you can make 15 dollars an hour.

”  Turning mentally ill women into a salaried force incentivized to act as badly as possible towards disinterested nerds in public paid huge dividends.   ”

heheheh what about INTERESTED nerds. totally humiliating supplicating omega orbiters is what im getting at.

anyway i luv weev, he’s in muh top tier, i will continue giving him .14 euros a week hahahahaha. up to a limit of 20 USD a year hehehehe. maybe moar if i ever get a job hahahahaha.

anyway women are so NIHILISTIC. SEX means nothing to them, RELS mean nothing to them, PEOPLE mean nothing to them. they treat everything as cheap and disposable. throwaway. EVERYTHINGS a throwaway. know someone for years, they’re just as disposable as some one night stand guy, just as disposable as the new life you casually create with that sexy stranger. LIFE IS CHEAP.

yeah well i dont think its so fookin CHEAP!

wewlad finally had a good calorie day today. it is SO HARD lately. i can eat 1200 calories in one meal.

took 75% dose of nyquil, would prefer some MJ like a degen

well its nice to know women can get heartbroken the same way men can!

yeah if you want it 1-3 times every day, you ARE a “sex addict”, ya dumb B. at the very least, a NYMPHOMANIAC. anyone who MUH DICKS THAT much is a DEGEN. high sex drive. suck muh dick bitch hahahaha. there are more important things in life than your SEX DRIVE, ya degen. try doing an ACTUAL JOB where you creat ACTUAL value, and not get paid to do MORE masturbation. serve angry customers. serve tables. deal with people. do stuff. get really confused. panic. go bald from the stress.

i never said you couldnt have male friends. i just say its pretty sketchy when your BEST FRIEND is a man. just like is sketchy when a MAN’s BEST friend is a WOMAN. i would guess in at least 75% of these, there are feelings involved. maybe requited feelings, but still feelings that will complicate the friendship bigtime.

friends is fine…..BEST FRIENDS is not.

 

 

yeah i mean its better when the guy is CONFIRMED gay homosexual. i guess its ok if they are an ugly omega niceguy. well, no its not, because she shouldnt encourage the attention of some poor niceguy sadsack who is OBVIOUSLY in LUV with her. she shouldnt ALLOW that kind of guy to become her BEST FRIEND.

again just throwing pretty important concepts around LIKE THEY MEAN NOTHING.

NIHILISTS.

hehehehehe.

good to see that even the degenerate nihilist women on reddit think this situation is Problematic hehehe.

weev used to say some drugs were ok, but now he is taking the standard WN line that all drugs are always bad, included degenerate negro MJ. LIFT AND HACK, he says.

which IS great advice. and i agree MJ is TECHNICALLY degen. but i still really WANT it. maybe i will want it less once i go through another phase hehehehe. i mean i just WANT it! i would NOT brag about it to WN’s becuase I TOTALLY understand their position.

but if i cant have MJ then i will take nyquil every 3 days until i DO get some mj, and it WILL be a large amount, 75 to 100 dollars worth.

https://mpcdot.com/forums/topic/7751-why-one-relationship-is-better-than-many/page__view__findpost__p__167164

pmans award winning post hehehehe

https://mpcdot.com/forums/topic/69-the-nerd-sex/

very intelligent fun reading, i cannot discourage reading MPC and should put it in the permanent links.

http://mpcdot.com/forums/topic/7687-mpc-pua-lounge-no-incels-vocels-mensucels-or-other-cels/#entry186995

getting into a little MPC phase here.

i like the super smart tone, it is kinda like heartiste, but less degen. well i think heartiste was kinda instrumental in MPC’s origin, maybe a feud/banning with heartiste and pleasureman, something stupid and dramatic.

obviously heartiste is pro-white and pro-family values, but MPC seems to be a bit more blatantly in signalling against degen slut banging.

but yeah PMan i think prob has real issues with women, and i can relate. he might be like me if i were MUCH more successful in life, a little bit more successful with women but still couldnt get a long term waifu, were much more confident, and continued to drink.  yeah thats a lot of what ifs hahaha. i would totally take it, just for the Successful Career, Money, Status, Confidence, and Experience.

looking for personal relships with women thread hahahaha. i will totally take rel advice from the smart men of MPC!

yeah they will say, be a winner in life, do something important, find a decent woman at church, etc. prob very similar to what TRS would say. be a huge ubermensch and not a neet loser. decent women dont go for loser men. faint hearts do not win fair ladies. be a man worth getting a good woman. until you lift yourself up from neetness, dont even think about women.

yeah well until i become a winner, i’d still like to read about other peoples rels and their rel probs, so i might better approach similar probs if i ever get a rel, which i very well may not hahahahaha.

heh. not sure if its the nyquil or the low calorie diet, but just no energy. i should LIFT but even the idea of doing 10 pushups is intimidating hehehe.

so i ate huge bowl of cereal that was HALF of my entire DAYS worth of calories hehehehe.

all the food for one day. less than 2 bowls of cereal.

to be fair, it was a HUGE bowl of cereal, 3.25 servings of cereal. 100 grams hahahaha.

http://mpcdot.com/forums/topic/7979-the-incel-revolution-starts-now/

yeah i put MPC in the permalinks. cant not recommend this great forum hahahaha.

ok. no more interviews in the Pipeline. got to apply to something today. sheeeeeeeeeeit. fook all these phaggots. bitches can suck muh d. hahaha.

do i am nowhere near as narcissistic as elliott rodger. he couldnt admit anywhere in his weak ass short 150 page manifesto that he had any responsibility. in my 148800000000000000 page manifesto, i admit my own responsibility on every page. but women do have some responsibility to not be such narcissistic, sociopathic, immoral, nihilistic, hedonistic, negroistic sluts. semen demons hahahaha. muh dick. bix nood muhfugga.

treat people better than inconvenient fetuses you abort, your own children you coldly murder!

hehehehehe.

some really truly HATEFUL black metal. pretty fast too, lots of fast blasts. this is the kind of mood i am in nao hahaha. they just came out with their first album in 10 years. since this album as a matter of fact.

sheeeeit just tortured myself for 22 minutes apply to 2 jobs hahahaha. see the thing is now, i have my choice employers that i jump to apply to…….but ive applied to 30, 40, 50 jobs with them over the last 4 months and pretty much KNOW i’m gonna get auto rejected, probably for the gap. well, with the county at least, they brought me in for 2 interviews, so, im not gonna fully say fook the county. but they DO always reject me for the 26k jobs, no interview. i think they must be telling me, set my sights higher hahahaha.

and the hospital ALWAYSSSSSSSSS rejects me, has not had me in for one real interview, but toyed with me TWICE in a very unprofessional manner. them i am veyr close to saying fook off back to africa hahahahaha. israhell.

497 jobs here. going SO slow. have slowed down SOOO much. better make the 500th a good one.

 

 

another classic muh GF has a BEST FRIEND whos a guy. NO. FOOK THAT SHIT.

 

 

good lord what a fooked up crazy bitch who is turning this guy into a crazy b as well. hope reddit doesnt jump on him for doing something wrong.  THIS is how fooked up women are, a MAN would NEVER do something this crazy. the guy is now going so crazy hes wondering if he should turn himself into the police for raep. COME ON.

 

difficult situation where guy gets feels for his female friend, she rejects him, then gets mad and calls him a nice guy creep when he decides he needs space. what will reddit say? i say the guy is in the right, and the gurl is wrong and immature. thankfully reddit seems to agree. see reddit isnt all bad.

heh. whenever i read a womans issue, i think, well why dont you just LEAVE him. why do you even CARE. why dont you just ignore and block him. just dump him. just leave him. its so easy for you women to just LEAVE men.

but its not easy when they LUV the men. then they come on to reddit and ask how can i FIX this. they dont WANT to just leave him. wish i had that kind of luv from that woman!

why do you even care about this guy? why dont you just leave him? its so easy!

and of course reddit likes to always advise “dump the mfin asshole” hahahaha

and i dont think i was THAT huge of an ASSHOLE that i needed to be dumped with SUCH extreme prejudice hehehe.

ok fair enough. ive said my piece. peace. whatever. hahaha. sheeeeeeeeeeit.

 

they say don’t confess your feelings, but always “ask her out on a date.” i am a little wtf about this. i would say, yeah dont say IM IN LUV WITH YOU COMPLETELY, play that down and be like, hey i think i might sorta like like you, so lets Go Out On A Date to Olive Garden saturday night at 6pm, I’m buying.

being sort of facetious about olive garden of course. but im not sure if i would like some swpl snob leftist shitlib who thinks theyre TOO GOOD for olive garden.

good day for men with unrequited feelings for their female friends. this should really be a new flair subcategory.

nov 5

WAITING IN THE WINGS

THATS what she thought i was doing, and thats why she was so mad at me, thought i betrayed her.

its kinda like ulterior motives, and its kinda hard to disprove, because you gotta be willing to take the person (me) at their word: i wasnt waiting in the wings, ITS NOT WHAT IT LOOKS LIKE, I SWEAR!

and its NOT what it looks like!

but it REALLY looks like that to the other person.

i mean yeah, there is just too much reasonable doubt for her. my feelings changed right as she became single? it looks just like waiting in the wings! like i was waiting to SWOOP IN!

i wasnt really waiting in the wings…..but her becoming single DID make me think and feel about her differently! like, we get along, we are good friends, maybe we should THINK about this, i never really thought about this before, because i just wasnt used to you being single ever.

does it count as waiting in the wings if you dont do anything to break the people up?

but just passively wait there? i guess so. and it makes the woman hate you more for being a passive spineless pussy hahaha.

yeah but my JSUTIFICATION was that i didnt WANT them the break up because I wasnt WAITING for her because I didnt LIKE her until AFTER she broke up with him!!!!!

so yeah that is a very exact complicated thing to understand, and she has to be willing to listen to me and try to understand it, and i can understand why she wasnt willing to try to understand it. because it reasonably LOOKS kind of shady.

but it can go both ways! and I was hoping, probably not unreasonably, that she would give me the benefit of the doubt, because i wasnt some Shady Rando, so at least LISTEN to my side of the story! Im not some damn Rando Shady Creep!

I KNOW it looks bad to you and to 50% of people. just LET ME EXPLAIN.

of course who says ITS NOT WHAT IT LOOKS LIKE, LET ME EXPLAIN?

people who are caught red handed doing something obviously, indefensibly wrong!

but i DO have a legitimate defense! thats why i wanted an arbitrator, or at least a chance to defend myself!

COULD I CONVINCE A JURY that my defense is legitimate? i think so!

because i can say that my feelings changed officially in october 2014, and she was finished with longterm in bf in june 2014…..and prob earlier.

in july 2014 i had the first rumblings but tried to ignore it.

by oct 2014 i was like im not gonna ignore this any more. i will accept this.

had a dream last night featuring woman1, the first woman i ever went crazy for. i was 20-21 and she was like 23, actually older than me. weird to think that now she is mid to late thirties and is reaching the end of her “fertility”, so if she hasn’t had children by now……..she’s fooked.

anyway it was a pleasant dream, i was holding her close and grabbing her meaty ass.

but yeah waiting in the wings is when you have ulterior motives. i didnt have ulterior motives, therefore i was not waiting in the wings. but because of the timeframe, my motives might have looked ulterior to someone who wasnt willing to listen to my side of the story ehehe.

went to church, the most beautiful girl in church came in and sat next to ME. well, about 4 seats down from me, so that I couldnt really see her without making it obvious that i was staring at her. she was wearing a knee length skirt (acceptable level of modesty for me!) and i dunno a sweater or something acceptably modest on top. but you could still tell that she was a beautiful young woman. probably a little too young. 19, 20 years old. red hair. pale white skin. tall, long legs. yes that is my weakness.

i instantly got fantasies of White Knighting and Providing and Protecting, cuddling with her, and being a Big Strong Man For Her. Protecting and Providing. VERY natural and very nondegen, pure, good, moral, nonjooified feelings. nothing pornographic or jooified.

then i thought, well, while i’m thinking that abotu her, she’s fantasizing about getting fooked by chad, or worse, tyrone. thinking about pornographic jooish SODOMY, muh dick, oh yeah i wanna suck dick, get fooked by dick, get filled up by dick and bend over for dick and get fooked hard like a little slut.

while I’m thinking of being king arthur with my gallant shit here.

well i have NO PROOF that that gurl was thinking such jooish, pornographic, sodomite shit.

in fact, the less you watch that filth, the less you think like that.

so thats why i dont watch that shit any more. but the damage is already done. i watched a lot of that jooish garbage, so now i think that way.

another thing that poisons the white mind is university/college. they basically all need to be shut down. you are scooping out healthy white minds and filling their heads with jooish pseudointellectual pornography, masturbation. turning whites into joos. its HORRIBLE.

anyway, a young gurl who goes to CHURCH of her own initiative (she was there by herself, no family or Boifran hehehehe) is probably less of a pornographic jooish sodomite in their mind, than some neet watching jooish porn all day. so she PROBABLY wasnt thinking about SODOMY. she probably doesnt need to be MANSPLAINED to about how casual sex is bad and being a slut is bad and abortion is bad. she already Implicitly KNOWS all this.

so why didnt i Ask Her Out On A Date? well terribly low confidence from being a 30+ year old neet loser. but at least my BMI is 21.3! so that means i could pull a woman of minimum BMI 31.3 HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA (hint: over 30 is OBESE)

ALSO, if you take the (age/2)+7 rule……she would be TOO YOUNG for me hahahahaha. what about +3 hahahahaha.

also, an old man came and sat between me and her. i bet he wanted to protect and provide for her too hahahaha.

but yeah the horrible pornified way of thinking is still seared in muh mind. thinking that women are these dirty nympho sluts that like to get fooked like meat. they LIKE being DEGRADED.

years of watching porno has PERMANENTLY WARPED MY MIND.

so why not just say fook it and continue watching it?

well because i think i have improved at least a little. also i just dont WANT to watch it!!!!

anyway. there was ANOTHER cute young girl in church today (usually there are none, OR lets just say they are closer to 16 than to 18, yikes) but she was not as pretty. did not have long legs, not as pale white skin, she might have even had some nonwhite in her! she was with her young BF. it was nice they were going to church together. he had dark hair too but looked a lot whiter. she could have been part arab or italian or something hahahahaha. greek. turkish. albanian.

main point is, she was wearing tight exercise pants that are NOT appropriate in church, or even at the gym. theres a thread on MPC right now about this hehehehe. supposedly its EASY and CONVENIENT to dress like this. im sure it is, but its also easy for me to wear Baggy Sweatpants that arent GLUED to my ass and crotch. it puts the womens bodies, asses, genitals on display in a vulgar, immodest, degen, jooified, sodomitic way that its like theyre barely wearing clothes at all.

flanders feels like im wearin nothin at all!.wav

abwvo4u

stupid sexy flanders

so thats the damn POINT. its just as QUICK and EASY and CONVENIENT to wear something more MODEST.

it would be like MEN wearing SPEEDO or that stupid borat Onesie everywhere. to walmart. to church.

but thats not SECSY!!!!!!

the way an 18 year old girl with 21 BMI is !

well borat has a healthy BMI too, he’s not a fat slob, just Hairy and Gross.

well my point is. its immodest clothing that shows too damn much of your naked body!

(yes flanders of all people should know better!)

anyway i am wearing a pair of large sweatpants and they are super big. i could probably wear medium and it would be just fine. and that would be fine for most women too. why cant you just wear non-skin-tight sweatpants instead of super-skin-tight YOGA pants???!?!?!??!?!

isnt it HARD to STUFF yourself into pants that are SO TIGHT they show every curve of your ass?

JUST WEAR SWEATPANTS.

theres this fashion idea that sweatpants are the Least Sexy Thing Ever.

YOU DONT NEED TO LOOK SEXY ALL THE TIME!!!!!!!!

In fact, you really don’t EVER need to look SEXY. Not even in the Bedroom.

you dont need to look sexy at the gym, at the store, in public, at church.

so yeah. its JOOISH and PORNOGRAPHIC and SODOMITIC for everything to be so goddamn sexualized. you dont NEED to look SEXY!!!!!!!! its not BAD to not look sexy! just because youre not looking SEXY doesnt mean you have to look like a people of walmart fat slob!!!!!!!

dont wear skintight sexy clothes to the gym, which is a PUBLIC PLACE with lots of horny nonwhites who LOVE staring at young healthy women in skintight clothing!!!!!!

so yeah i hate this “its easy and comfortable” excuse.

and i liked that That Woman never dressed like that.

TO MY KNOWLEDGE hahahahahaha.

here’s two qt gurls, at CHURCH, and its obvious that one GET IT, and the other has NO IDEA.

thing is, the gurl wearing skintight pants to church probably ISNT a huge whore, she’s just a 18 year old gurl who doesnt know any better. and her father is either Gone, or Weak, or he’s a fat sodomite slob who jerks off to pictures of 20 year old girls wearing YOGA PANTS. its just what young girls wear nowadays. OH GOODY. MORE HOT ASSES TO JERK OFF TO. I think they are honestly so dense that they dont see that their OWN DAMN DAUGHTER LOOKS LIKE THAT. otherwise they would forbid their daughter from wearing clothes like that and looking like a damn SLUT.

i got a great idea: rent a car, DRIVE TO COLORADO, buy a LOT of MJ, then very carefully drive the car back over several states hahahaha. yeah thats prob a felony sooooo i dont advocate or support or recommend this. just wondering if people DO do it.

https://www.google.com/webhp?sourceid=chrome-instant&ion=1&espv=2&ie=UTF-8#q=smuggling%20weed%20out%20of%20colorado

http://www.pbs.org/newshour/updates/illegal-crossing-heres-weed-authorities-confiscated-nebraska-colorado-border/

http://www.usatoday.com/story/news/2016/05/13/when-smuggling-colo-pot-not-even-skys-limit/83623226/

http://bigbudsmag.com/beware-the-highway-police-vultures-br-waiting-to-swoop-on-marijuana-transporters/

https://www.washingtonpost.com/politics/at-colorados-borders-a-dividing-line-over-marijuana/2014/07/26/729c6462-06ac-11e4-bbf1-cc51275e7f8f_story.html

yeayea wapo is jooish trash i know

anyway its probably not worth it, they still bust a lot of people in nebraska and kansas it seems.

hmmm this is tuffer than im not haaaaaaaappy i think i wanna open our rel. this is yasssss i want to get MARRIED but i ALSO want to do this just this one time.

DUMP THE BITCH!

DITCH THE BITCH AND LETS GO FISHIN!!!!!!!

your not in a rel anymore, she dumped you, so you dont get to be mad about her fooking other guys!!!! hahahaha.

this is why you dont end the rel until you MOVE OUT FIRST.

THEN dump the guy.

THEN start fooking other guys super quickly and sending them noods.

just normal 21 yo gurl shit.

i mean a 21 year old should know shit is gonna get weird when you dump a guy, break his heart, THEN CONTINUE TO LIVE WITH HIM.  HOW DID YOU THINK HE WAS GONNA FEEL? HAPPY THAT YOU WERE BANGING OTHER GUYS RIGHT IN FRONT OF HIM AFTER YOU DUMPED HIM AND STILL LIVING WITH HIM?

why do they HAVE to add insult to injury? isnt it enough just to INJURE someone hahahaha.

why couldnt she just suck it up for 2 months until the lease ends, then be like, yep im dumping you, have a good life; OR find somewhere else to stay; OR be more private with her slut shit and not RUB IT IN HIS FACE.

Ive never been in OP’s situation THANK GOD, but i STILL know the right thing to do! and i prob would have known when i was a 21 year old idiot! because i have EMPATHY, unlike these WOMEN!

WOMEN HAVE NO EMPATHY!!!! MEN HAVE MUCH MORE EMPATHY THAN WOMEN!!!!!

oh so its HIS fault because he’s not SUCCESSFUL enough that he DROVE her to cheating, and her not wanting to fix the rel. i hate seeing men who are not at fault, BLAME themselves like its their damn fault their gf is trash!!!!!!!!

 

DONT SEPARATE THINGS THAT SHOULDNT BE SEPARATED

oct 26

ok  done with interview for PT 15 an hour job. 1500 hours a year max. 24 to 32 hours depending on the department. 3 openings, 3 diff departments. one is def more customer oriented. hope they dont pick me for THAT one because i said i was good at dealing with difficult customers. yeeeesh.  yikes. oy vey. so just do a shitty job, quit, and never work for this org again hahahaha when it is DEF one of my Top Orgs To Work For. great benefits, close to home, unfireable, stable secure job, union.

talked to 3 people, including a handsome young man who i learned is about 3 or 4 years younger than me and he has a Controller position, because he Chose A Good Life with Hard Work, and has a BS in Accounting, an MBA with focus on Taxation, a CPA, so hence he’ll always have a GREAT job. why didnt I just Be Like Him. I joked that I did poorly on the accounting portion of the test, but that I was just rusty and I can brush up on my Accounting Fundamentals.

3 people in the room grilling me hahahahaha. no they were all nice enough. I got emails from all. i have def gotten better at that. just getting emails from EVERYONE in the room.

i need a full 20 ounce mug of strong coffee JUST TO GET OUT OF BED IN THE MORNING to be somewhere at 8:30 am hahahahaha.

meaning i pour the mug the night before, leave it on my table next to the bed, set alarm 15 to 20 minutes before i want to get up, then drink the coffee while laying in bed and watching weather and news, then pull self out of bed.

i would NOT want to still have to MAKE the coffee. I just want to REACH out of bed and GRAB a full mug of awesome room temperature coffee thats been sitting out all night. this truly does make it a lot easier to get up. i have been doing this for years. i dont regret it one bit. i RECOMMEND it to ANYBODY.

interview was at 9 am, i got there at like 8:15, i like getting their SUPER early and prepping in the car.

actual interview was less than 30 minutes. they didnt rush me PER SE, but i got the impression there were other people waiting. plus its a part time job hahahaha. i said As You Can Imagine, my ultimate goal is a FT job with this org, would this PT person have access to The Secret Internal FT Postings? yes yes they would.

anyway thats it for this week. did not get great sleep last night. i mean i can TOTALLY get used to getting up EARLY in the morning……but it HAS to be REGULAR. i need a ROUTINE. after a few days or a week of that, i will get used to going to bed earlier and getting up at 6am, 5am. shit i got up at 6 am today to get ready for being there at 9am.

so if i got this other job that starts at 8 am, id have to get up a FIVE am every day. well especially cuz that one is further away. a whopping 14 miles away. this place today is only 4 miles away. also i get up SUPER early, ive NEVER been a sleep in as late as possible and Rush To Work in the NIck of Time. downside is that eats up valuable sleeping time.

/r/relships. i cant stop reading it, its SO ridiculous. some of it is good, some of it is fooking awful.

it DOES NOT help that 80% of the shit is by women for women. i wish there was a relship sub for men by men. it makes a big difference. cuz women dont know what theyre talking about, ever. hahahahahaha. terrible judgment, terribly wrong. WRONG. hahahaha. WRONG.

heh. the other bad thing about getting up early is, you are now awake 16 hours a day and have to figure out how to eat only 1200 calories. you are Hungry More because you are too used to Sleeping through those hours when you are hungry. like its 11am and i am STARVING even though I had some Cereal around 7 am. 350 calories. shit. 390 calories cereal and milk.

degree in account, masters in taxation, cpa. this is fooking AWESOME. i hear the masters in tax is one of the better masters you can get. this guy formerly worked with a well known accounting firm for 5 years. kinda surprised he is working where he is now. youd think it would be beneath him.

now he did not go to a name school………but the school he went to is actually kinda well regarded for accounting. which is exactly what he did. why didnt i choose that life hahahahaha.

i just saw him and i was like WHOA this guys the CONTROLLER? hes a KID!!!!!!!!!!

I guess there is Financial Director who is one step above him though.

see the stupid women would say this si just fine, stop trying to control her, you jealous abuser.

not even seeing that essentially the male FWB rejected her because SHE wanted MORE, and now they’re still just friends and hang out and talk constantly.

DONT SUCK A GUYS DICK ON THE THRID DATE!!!!! THATS DEGENERATE!!!! NIHILISTIC!!!!!!!!!

that was a different one hehehe.

its not INTENTIONALLY nihilistic. i mean they think its about FUN and who knows this might turn out to be the one, but lets just have some spontaneous fun in the moment.

fun fun fun fun fun fun fun. all about fun. muh dick.

i mean yeah its HEDONISM not nihilism per se, but IMHO hedonism is pretty damn nihilistic at root. i mean women arent capable of understanding that, most men arent either. but all white men are capable. nto sure about white women. maybe some are capable. ive never met one hahahahaha. no thats patently false, i certainly have met decent, nonhedonistic women that werent all muh dick muh dick muh clit muh orgasms muh fun casual fwb secs.

jeff daniels looks like slavoj zizek in this movie hahahahahaha

i mean is zizek really THAT cool? probably not, folks, probably not. why the hell did i ever like him in the first place? because he spouted pseudointellectual crap. that at its core is JOOISH as hell: critical theory, frankfurt skool POISON. but he made getting a phd in philosophy seem really Sexy to a 21 year old.

SIXTY dollars to see nick cave? thats almost as bad as fifty dollars to see morrissey. but i like nick cave a lot better. but thank god i have already had the PRIVILEGE of seeing nick cave. not many people can say that hahahahaha. and it was an even more outstanding show than you would expect. i almost DONT want to see him again because that is a high standard to exceed. also i dont really like his new album. but i should see him just to see him right? but 60 bucks? damn.

imean if it were tom waits I totally would. or neil young, in a theater of this size, with crazy horse for SURE, and hopefully less than 60 bucks.

not many people on muh bucket list. maybe bob dylan but thats a big maybe.

well tom petty would be nice. yeah id go see him. but prob not for 60 bucks. or in a gay ass outdoor theater full of drunk trash.

who else. maybe some black metal. or metal in general. judas priest, iron maiden, never saw them, missed shows by both in the past year, too lazy. i mean i had the TIME!

yeah i would pay 80 bucks to see darkthrone hahaha. or varg vikernes. or muh buddy mikko.

anyway.

i might have been ok with casual secs if i had ever had any sort of FWB thing work out. for example, women2004 and 2005, they just wanted casual dating ie secs ie casual FUN. I was like NO i want a serious rel so they dumped me because they didnt WANT a serious rel.  BUT I could have gotten a LOT of secs out of them if I had just said lets keep it casual. so in hindsight i wish i had done that, just so i could have had a lot of secs with some qt young gurls. instead i had secs like 2 times. better than nothing but still.

i mean theyre not horrible people for wanting what they want and rejecting me because i wasnt that. well, beyond the fact that what they wanted is………….pretty degenerate. but then again, some of my wants are pretty degen too, like wanting to smoke MJ, or being open to casual secs. (but not actively seeking it out.)

but i am so inexperienced with secs, that i automatically confuse secs with feelings.

THIS ISNT REALLY “CONFUSION!” ITS THE NATURAL WAY! IT IS RIGHT AND JUST AND NORMAL!!! WHATS NOT NORMAL IS THE PEOPLE WHO TRY TO UNTANGLE THEM!!!!!

DO NOT SEPARATE WHAT THE LORD HAS BOUND TOGETHER!!! hahahaha.

or, DONT SEPARATE THINGS THAT SHOULDNT BE SEPARATED!!!!!!!!! if you prefer that.

young girls wanting casual sex, and old men wanting serious feelings secs.

SEX IS INHERENTLY INTIMATE, IT IS BAD TO TRY TO MAKE IT CASUAL. IT CANT BE CASUAL.

that ultimately is the END OF DISCUSSION.

so yeah me and these women had Incompatible Values.

AND they made an EFFORT to give me Common Courtesy and Respect when they Dumped me! they made an effort not to add insult to injury! so i appreciate that now.

DONT ADD INSULT TO INJURY!!!!!!!!

maybe i should become a Christian Counselor. there are tons of them. is it any easier than becoming a Non Religious Counselor? as far as degrees, licensing, etc.

i cant see it being any easier getting a license from the state, but i could be wrong.

if youre being charged with a heinous crime, WHY NOT perjure yourself rather than taking the 5th amendment hahahaha.  just watching law and order. i guess this show could inspire a young person to become a cop or a lawyer.

anyway i never stalked her. dont know why i have to PROVE this. i guess because the women of reddit would say that sending emails is STALKING.

yeah ok i DID send probably too many emails, but after a month of that, I was DONE. FINISHED. COMPLETELY.

I sent 4 emails in 1 month. 3 of them were pretty long. does that make me an evil stalker? no it just makes me sad and desperate and pathetic.

also if she had said stop sending me emails, i probably would have hahahahaha. or maybe just sent one more hahahaha.

the worst i did was crane my neck to try to look for her car in the parking lot of her workplace as i drove by the workplace which was ON the most direct route to my destination. and if i get that job then i wont go 2 miles out of my way just to NOT drive by that other place every day. i might even crane my neck again. but its not like im pulling into the parking lot and sitting there waiting for her!!!!! that WOULD be creepy!!! i dont WANT to be a creep! but also women think everything is creepy. plus i can totally understand why men do creepy things.

anyway. i guess i would like sluts more if i had more benefits from those sluts. but really womens Sexual Desire has led them away from boring old me. I am always at odds with Female Sexual Desire, Fighting it, trying to keep it from straying away from me, trying to hold on to it.

yeah i guess i am TRYING too hard. you should have to TRY this hard to “maintain somebodys interest” in you.

but yeah i am now done with my week o interviews and can start applying to jobs again hahahaha.

i mean TWO of these three jobs I would REALLY like. these are some strong jobs to get your hopes up for.

how have i never seen this dark haired woman cop on law and order. she is very attractive, would bang/10. but is she jooish? this is like early 2000s, she is partner with black male cop, hopefully doesnt mudshark with him, sam waterston is still the DA. i think this is just Straight Up Regular Law and Order, not SVU or any of that.

milena govich. obvious a yugo sort of name. potentially jooish. wiki says serbian (and scottish.) well yeah the NAME is SERBIAN, just like STEIN is GERMAN. thats not what Im ASKING hahahahahahahaha.

2006-7, det nina cassidy.

i just dont know. i think she is a goy but you never know with these sneaky J’s, ive been fooled before. i would casually bang her while waiting for the 23 and me results HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA

YES I have a FILTER, I know what things you should and should not say around WOMEN. I wouldnt say ANYTHING I say on here around women.

but yeah i dont want to be a creep, or a niceguy, or an abuser, or the jealous type, or a controller, or any of that stuff. but maybe i AM ok with being a “woman hater” hahahaha i mean how can any woke man not be hahahaha.

maybe i like proving to them that i have good enough social skills so they cant slander me as creepy. i dont say or do inappropriate things, but my god do i judge the hell out of women when they are not around.

and i dont feel bad about judging women. i dont mind being called a Woman JUDGER!!!!!! i mean thats what i do, i judge women!!!!!!

but in the social world, I treat them with respect. EVEN IF THEY DONT DESERVE IT!!!!! i really wouldnt treat ANYONE with disrespect until after they treated ME with disrespect.

i mean everyone makes mistakes, even That Woman doesnt deserve to be hurt even though she hurt me, because she didnt have intent, and even if she DID, it would still be better karma for me to just Let It Go, and no i dont want her to get hurt really bad. i mean i would like her to learn a lesson. but she was just stupid and weak, i was stupid and weak, and ultimately i was the one who got hurt more, a lot more.

now i mean feel different about someone who did something MORE hostile and intentional, like cheating or accusing me of abuse or something. totally lying and betraying me.

i dont do sketchy or bad shit with women. i dont DO anything really immoral. the most immoral i get is have JUDGEY THOUGHTS. i dont have thoughts about hurting or abusing or mistreating women. I just have thoughts of jdugement and disgust and contempt. but i dont ACT on these thoughts! I try not to do ANY immoral actions! because MORALITY is VERY VERY IMPORTANT to me!!!!!!!

1200 CALORIE DIET!!!!!

i guarantee you. if you eat only 1200 calories a day, you WILL lose weight even without exercise.

you will also be hungry at all times.

well some say 1200 for women, 1800 for men. that 1200 is the absolutely healthy minimum for WOMEN, who need less calories than men anyway.

so maybe 1200 is not even Healthy For Me. well, moot point now that I blew right by it by 150 calories and also today is muh cheat day too and i will be eating again later!

 

 

incel neet virgin 26 year old brother is resentful of his 20 year old NORMIE brother who can get a GF hehehehe. reddit shames the incel neet as a creepy woman hater, anyone who “unironically uses the word NORMIE after high school” is one of these hahaha.

now i dont MIND being friends with women like this guy seems to……but im not sure having Women Friends makes you any more likely to make a woman want to Be With you in a secsy way. you just get the friendzone hahahahahahahahaha. you can relate to women as human beings to your hearts content….in the friendzone hahahaha.  but yeah i guess i’ll admit that when you have a woman friend, it DOES make them seem more human, less alien, more knowable. but it makes all the more THIRSTY for a gf too. because youre like well now i actually KNOW a woman, this isnt so bad! but now I REALLY REALLY REALLY want a GF! I had forgotten what its like to even be NEAR a woman and to have a woman show ANY INTEREST in me! it feels good and i want what the NORMIES have!

anyway i am not as bad as that guys brother. i can control myself around women at least and dont do anything really creepy. plus i had secs once 12 years ago with the help of alcohol hahahahahahaha.

the first time he saw a tit? hasnt he ever watched jooish porn? not that i recommend it.

does he have a JOB? is he EMPLOYED? surprised this was never mentioned by the commenters. probably not, hes prob a damn neet.

i mean just like having a gf or at least a fwb is the litmus test of a NORMIE, so is having an at least average job. making at least 13 bucks an hour.

well, we did have some incels making 15 an hour at my last job hahahaha.

reddit. a bunch of damn degenerate nonvirgins SHAMING the morally superior virgins and calling them creepy and disturbed and elliott rodger, just because they dont fook like a bunch of NEGROES hahahahahaha.

these “social nerds” are an interesting bunch, i knew a lot in university. they were “weird” and “anti establishment” and “non conformist” but they were FAR from social outcasts, and had a ton of friends, and GF’s, sex experience, Relship experience, all from a young age, and turned out being successful normies with wives and children hahahahahaha.

NORMIES.

DIRTY NONVIRGIN NORMIES hahahahahaha.

PIGS, DOGS, DISGUSTING ANIMALS hahahahahahahaha.

” He’ll never figure out how to get a girlfriend until he starts treating women like people rather than games that you have to win to get romance and sex. ”  hehehehe but……….its that accurate? except they are not as fun or easy as a game. its a frustrating sick game.

well not even. the “game”, as designed by god/nature, its not sick. its sensible, and technically fair. it’s not pretty though. and it REALLY sucks to be on the losing end. and it REALLY sucks when Women Deny Their Privilege.

i guess thats just like ME denying WHITE privilege and MALE privilege, huh????????????????????

so……..if i can acknowledge that privilege exists, specifically FEMALE privilege…………….

……….does it not follow that its POSSIBLE that OTHER kinds of privilege exist?

and that I might benefit from it?

but, like women, I spit in its face and deny it?

so i dislike women who do the same thing I am doing?

yeah but i believe women DO have certain advantages/privileges in the mating game. i mean SOME men have their own privileges here….but not most men.

also, my idea of Female Privilege in the Mating Game comes from a pretty Traditionalist, Reactionary, Alt Right, Rightist, NON MARXIST way of thinking.

Ideas about White Privilege and Male Privilege, that all comes from MARXIST BULLSHIT.

they are all saying what a horrifying, dark, awful place the incel sub is. i dont doubt that its DARK, and i dont want to link to it or even READ it because Im sure its very negative……..but dont say these are awful people. youd be this way too if you were a hugless virgin neet incel who CANT EVEN GET IN THE FRIENDZONE hahahahaha.

note: i never use the word friendzone seriously. its impossible for me to “get put in” the friendzone. i will just say, baby, i dont want to be just friends, lets take a time out here. or thats what i would say if they agreed to talk to me hahahaha.

im perfectly fine being friends with women IF I dont want anything more. AND IF THEY dont want anything more. not that ive ever experienced that. but god damn. i know women are HUMANS.

just like negros and joos and mudslims are humans too, hahahahahahahahahahaha.

no, white women rank above all of those, hahahahahahaha.

but yeah its just heartbreaking when a woman you like would rather hang out with CHEATERS, DRUG ADDICTS, DRUNKS, DEADBEATS, ABUSERS, and NEGROES, rather than hang out with YOU.

ive certainly linked this album before. a few posts ago. it def has its place. right now i am drawing attention to 3:34, “summer of the diabolical holocaust”. “natassja in eternal sleep” is such a strong, timeless opener, that i sometimes forget the next song is just as strong.

again, good headphones and ideally good speakers, played LOUD, for maximum effect, considering the ridiculous production. note the insane distorted bass sound and drum sound, esp the floor tom. ridiculous celtic frost riff in the middle here, with ridiculous “solo” on top of it.

the guitar tone kinda sucks on this album….kind of. but i wouldnt change it either!

and TED’s vokills are possibly his best ever. truly literally a man possessed here.

i would say turn it up LOUD and DEFINITELY smoke a huge MJ to this one, get nice and blazed. oh god. wish i could.

and then cuddle up with nice waifu while doing that.

well, for that, we would just listen to one song, while I Mansplained the significance of the music. listening to the whole album with a grill would be pretty weird. metal grills are huge immoral sluts anyway. degen nihilists hahaha.

hard to believe they were only like 21 when doing this album. to make an album that you just appreciate more and more as you get older. into your Mid Thirties.

I think i was familiar with this album when I was 21, or at least close to it. I liked it……but I didnt GET it as much as I do now.

like i certainly dont like other albums LIKE this.

anyway yeah great album for the Turning Of Seasons, like when its really becoming Fall/Autumn. definitely some magic in this album.

but yeah you DO need to listen to it LOUD. it Literally sounds better that way.

it is amazing how much Variation and Diversity there is in darkthrone. UAFM and TH are both super freezing cold black metal albums, but they sound fairly different. i guess a big thing is that the tempo and rhythm NEVER change on TH, and on other DT albums, they change in every song.

yeah theres a damn good reason DT is a such a NAME.

heh these reddit nonvirgin normies shaming the virgins. there answer for everything is “DUDE NEEDS HELP.” WOW. JUST…..I CANT EVEN. YASSSS. HE NEEDS THERAPY. THERAPY PROBABLY WOULDNT EVEN HELP HIM. HE NEEDS TO KEEP TRYING THERAPISTS TILL HE FIND SOMEONE WHO WORKS. HIS ONLY CHANCE IS A LIFE OF THERAPY IF HE EVER WANTS A GF……….AND EVEN THEN IT PROB WONT WORK. CUZ HES TOO TOXIC AND NEGATIVE AND WEIRD AND CREEPY AND RAPEY AND JUDGEY. EW. UGH. GROSS. NOT OK. HE NEEDS A LOT OF HELP.

Yeah i agree he probably does need some help but i dont think its hopeless. these are exactly the type of guys i would want to help. with my unlicensed christian therapy group. we would go out and grab women by the pvssy and call them fat pigs, slobs, dogs, and disgusting animals. hahahahahahahahaha.

hey might as well listen to TH right after UAFM. now theres an experience you should be grateful for.

heh. I remember I bought TH on CD and that was one of muh first serious black metal albums. that, burzum debut, emperor “nightside eclipse”, burzum HLTO, DT panzerfaust. i picked some good ones for babbys first black metal albums eh? but i remember seeing phil anselmo in a pantera picture wearing a DT TH t shirt and i was like whoa that looks hardcore hahahaha what does that logo even say???

and then i bought the cd and mainly liked the first song and was like why isnt the rest of the album as good, i mean its a really simple formula.

but then it really grows on you hahahaha. and then it becomes one of your desert island best black metal albums of all time.

when i was a young angry virgin, i might have thought DT understood my hateful, sorrowful feels hahahaha. when really they were a bunch of HEDONISTIC, DEGEN NORMIE NONVIRGINS, smoking MJ and partying and getting with SLUTS. more like NORMIETHRONE amirite????

anyway, yeah i guess if all you listen to is TH, its easy to think DT is a fairly “ATMOSPHERIC” BM band, but they really arent hahaha. they are more of celtic frost beer chugging normies.

but yeah its timeless, beautiful stuff you will CHERISH the rest of your life. when i get married to my pure virgin white waifu, I will play nothing but BLACK METAL at the reception hahahaha. totally make it all about me and everyone else can suck my dick, im gonna play like 8 hours of straight black metal at my wedding hahahahaha.

no but i mean i have to play at least one black metal song. but what the hell would it be? i mean it would be burzum or darkthrone. maybe I should just play TWO black metal songs.  transilvanian hunger and jesus dod. hahaha.

well i was invited to a social thing tomorrow and i decided to Just Say Yes because this is EXACTLY the type of thing I should say YES to, so i did. its exactly because i dont go to things, that i dont get invited to things any more….so kinda want to break that pattern.

oct 27

ive always liked sitting down and writing about muh self and muh feels, total narcissist, but unfort i think this has helped CAUSE some of my issues, because i always take the wrong lesson, or get in too negative of an attitude. the women thing is the perfect example. writing here i sound like incel virgin maniac r9k elliot rodger, but i am not really like that in real life!!!! at worst i am socially anxious and shy, but never super creepy or weird! i am even nice and nonjudgmental to total trashy sluts, i just see them as people who have had hard, unlucky lives, had their good noble nature nurtured out of them, its not their faultttttttttttt. basically i will treat people well until they treat me badly. even if they are a dirty slut. until them being a dirty slut directly hurts ME, I will be nice to them.

(soundcloud giving errors, deleted link. google fenriz radio soundcloud.)

oh here is fenriz’s radio show, archive of many of them, actually doesnt sound horrible hahahahaha. i mean i am kinda jealous of his ability to enjoy new music at 45 years of age, my mind is pretty much closed to all that. i still want him to have a family. find a decent wife and have some kids. shit he can still listen to metal. he talks about listening to metal 16 hours a day or something. im not even AWAKE 16 hours a day! now a family man needs to be awake 23 hours a day working and providing and protecting and securing, but working fathers can still have interests and hobbies, he could still listen to his precious metal hahahahaha.

well i do like documentaries and here is one on peste noire. who i like because famine is a fairly right wing douchebag who hates foreigners. and i like a couple of his songs. and i want to determine how right wing and nationalist he really is. of course, i think he needs to stop drinking and living a degen lifestyle, be more like varg!!!

look at this handsome white man, in beautiful nature. this is what we SHOULD think of when we think of FRANCE…..not a jooified degenerate brown hellhole that france is turning into. famine does drink too much and should stop drinking and have children tho. although i thought it was hilarious that he made an obnoxious fart joke hahahaha. showing what he thinks of these media k1kes hahahaha. well really i dont know anything about the makers of this film.

i know weev gets lots of demand from the k1k3 media for interviews, but he straight up tells them, fook off and die k1k3, im not giving you an interview unless you pay me a lot of money, you can look up stuff ive said on the internet. PAY ME if you want to talk to me. and my rate is not cheap. im taking my pound of flesh back from you vampires. this is a great way to be. so i hope the people that made this doc were either not corrupt “skypes”, or they paid famine decent money to talk to them. i do believe famine, degen farting drinker he may be, but i think he still has artistic integrity hahahaha.

 

 

new vidya where varg talks about fenriz. he says a lot of good things about fenriz, that he is smart, funny, charming, easy to like, friendly. he says he is one of the smartest most intelligent people he met back in the day. and also that he is very honorable and ethical and tries to do the right thing and be an honorable man. but that his tragic flaw is that he drinks too much and this might compromise him.

now varg is talking about fenriz 25 years ago. but as a 20 year old man, whenever young varg met young fenriz, fenriz was always drinking beer and getting drunk. so i can totally relate with that. whenever I was socializing at around that age, i was drinking.

varg says fenriz is a good man but he hopes he has cut down on the drinking. i would agree because drinking too much is never good. and if you have ever seen videos of fenriz, he is often drinking in them. so yeah i hope he is not a Full Blown Alcoholic. i dont think he is because uhhhh he would have ruined his life by now. lost his job at the post office, stopped doing albums, in and out of rehab or jail, plus he looks fairly healthy.

so yeah i think hes got it under control but i cant help agree with varg that alcohol clouds your judgement.

i am kinda in between varg and fenriz then! i started out more fenrizy and am becoming more vargy. but yeah i always got the impression that fenriz was a decent True Blue Cobber sort of guy, and I  am glad to hear Varg saying so, as Varg seems to be the same way. Morality Matters.

I know fenriz was in a deep depression for a few years…..did he drink more during that time? how did he come out of it? how does he keep from going back? what kind of women and people does he hang out with? he seems pretty social. how much does he really drink? why did his marriage end? was that related to his depression?

these are the important questions to me hahahahaha.

but yeah i cant help but feel he is capable of even more, that he IS a truly smart and moral man, and it would be GREAT if he stepped up the same way varg has, get a nice white wife and have 6 white children, but he just hasn’t made that Leap into Political, Religious, and Metaphysical Thinking. And I know that Drinking can hold you back from doing that. So I cant help but want to have fenriz stop drinking for like a year, cold turkey, and see what changes happen. I think he is totally CAPABLE of doing this.

interesting that varg is making this video though. why not just contact fenriz and be like hey ole buddy lets hang out and get caught up.

but i dont think varg and fenriz were super besties either. but fenriz was probably the black metal guy varg liked the most. they definitely like each other hahaha. and it sounds like culto did not hang out much because he didnt like the people. varg didnt much like the people. fenriz is a good guy who got along with everyone.

so who WERE vargs friends? people not into black metal. what were these people like? whats vargs rel like with HIS father and his brother?

so many questions hahahaha.

anyway i think a varg fenriz meeting now would be very productive for them both. and i think varg could push fenriz to realize his full potential. this is the fanfic movie I would make hahahahaha.

like my fanfic sequel to the big lebowski that redeems the classic characters into nondegenerates hahaha.

or my fanfic sequel to king of the hill, 10+ years later, where bobby is like 30 years old in Current Year.

hahahahahahahahahaha.

so i am tempted to post a comment on vargs video to encourage him to Reach Out to Fenriz.

thing is, Fenriz is totally in his Comfort Zone. he’s happy doing what he’s doing.

i dunno. i just like proselytizing Traditional Family Values to All White People. I see a good white man who i think would be a good father, and I think it’s a SHAME that he DOESNT Leave a Legacy. And I’m not talking about timeless music or even The Fame Of A Dead Man’s Deeds!

cattle may die, Kinsmen may die, sure, but just as fame of dead mens deeds don’t die, so do kinsmens kinsmens kinsmens kin dont die hahahahahahahahahahahahaha.

varg with his 6000000 children could speak to this better than I could. but see i am sold on this way of life way more than i am on fenriz’s. and i mean that in the nicest possible way to fenriz. im not judging him as a Degen Nihilist Slut Negro Mentality.

hey maybe fenriz thinks he would be a bad father.

i mean shit i KNOW i would be a terrible father because i cant even take care of MYSELF. but i might have POTENTIAL to BECOME good father material, i think all white men do. and i think fenriz has enough money. i am SURE many of his colleagues at the post office have children! also i would totally support him doing one sell out show of darkthrone to make money for his family!

i mean nocturno CULTO has children for gods sakes. mr hateful culto who doesnt like anybody managed to get woma/en to birth two children for him.

now i do think that deadbeat fathers are like that simply because they had children when they WERENT READY. but i do believe that ALL white men are capable of becoming ready to be good fathers. that these deadbeat fathers could have one day been good fathers if they just KEPT IT IN THEIR PANTS and didnt bang sluts without a rubber when they were too young to handle a kid. typcal N behavior hahahaha.

like i WOULD LIKE to be a good father someday, but if i had a child right now with some white trash slut, i would run away like a coward. i cant take care of a child!

and this is totally understandable at 20…..much less understandable at 30.

a LOT is SUPPOSED to happen between 20 and 30. but for me it really DIDNT. because YOU are supposed to MAKE that stuff happen with a LOT of Hard Work, effort, energy, and agency! it doesnt just HAPPEN on its own!

i didnt realize that until i was 30 hahahaha. well ok, maybe 26 hahahaha. well, i always KNEW it but ran away from that responsibility by drinking until i was 26.  sheeeeeeeit kinda wish i had gotten Busted a few years earlier! 22, 23, that would have been great year to stop drinking hehee.

and yet I STILL want to do MJ!!! it clouds your mind in a diff way than alcohol…….but it definitely clouds your mind! impairs your judgment in all things!

bbbbbbut my mind is clouded ANYWAY with hate and despair and fear and worry and anxiety and bad negative attitude and feels and r9k and incel and foreveralone and entitlement and elliot rodger and the red pill and niceguytm and K all normies and all that hahaha. at least being clouded with MJ or alcohol is a step up in terms of being more pleasant and positive!

ayo hol up hol up. so ALCOHOL would be POSITIVE?

MJ would be POSITIVE but ALCOHOL isn’t?

everythings a damn slippery slope hahaha.

well honestly i have no or very little desire to drink alcohol, it just doesnt APPEAL to me.

MJ on the other hand, APPEALS to me like none other.

what would fenriz do? drink beer, PROBABLY smoke some MJ, listen to metal, and have fun.

what would varg do? drink non-alcoholic beer, work on his russian lada car, make videos with not-his-best ambient music in the background hahahahahaha and proudly parade his beautiful children and live out the 14 words. and judge degenerates as degenerate. i mean yeah thats really appealing too!

but he’s not a neet virgin see! he’s a PRINCIPLED MAN, an honorable strong alpha man, with nice wife and a HORDE of beautiful blond blue eyed aryan children!!!!!!! he gets to BE autistic and live in isolation……with his young wife and 6 kids!!!!!!!! BIG difference between that and a neet basement dweller virgin! varg has had secs 6 times hahahahahahaha.

well these men are entitled to their privacy. im actually shocked that varg has Opened Himself Up so much to the world. I’m happy, because he sets a GREAT example, but he’s compromising his own privacy in a way I thought he never would.

maybe i should attempt to get an interview with FENRIZ, because he supposedly does hundreds of interviews whenever they do a new album. so my interview with fenriz will include all those questions about his personal life: his ex wife the artist, his GF’s, his FWB’s, his normie friends, his job, his family, his drinking, what he thinks about MJ, why doesnt culto scream like he used to, why is there one classic song on their new album but the rest is kinda meh, why dont you want kids, here’s why you should have kids, here’s why you should should go and hang out with varg and his family for a week, heres why you should quit drinking for a year and just see what happens, here’s why you need to pass on your damn genes and not just your music. you are SO CLOSE. have a rea come to jesus talk with him.

you can still do your radio show. i might even start listening to your radio show. you can still listen to metal. wouldnt you like a family to share your metal with hahahahaha.

is it he cant find a good woman? i doubt that. or does he just prefer sluts because muh dick? well he needs to get out of that muh dick mindset!

whats better, to be a muh dick white negro, or a hateful neet incel elliott rodger KV who cant even pull SLUTS?????

its honestly worst to be the neet virgin! then youre WORSE THAN A NEGRO!!!!! ME!!!! Thats where I am right now!

the PRINCIPLED, MORAL white man is worse than a degen muh dick negro, “simply” because this particular principled moral white man is also a neet loser virgin!!!!!!!! that is muh trump card!

so when fenriz was 21 he was still working at the post office (prob full time) and would get off his shift, buy a case of beer, and come over and hang out at euronymous’s shop and drink the beer, according to varg. i mean not that thats not a credible story!

basically, fenriz was able to live the life of a 21 year old normie: FT job like an adult, but also partying, socializing, drinking, having friends, probably GF’s, AND being in a band and making tons of music. classic, timeless music that will never die. while also being Sorta Immature and Drinking a Little Too Much, like a 21 year old man in his Party Phase.

so yeah i cant relate to that AT ALL, because I have so little experience in successfully working a FT job or being a normie. when he drank he did it right, when i drank i did it wrong. basically these were NORMIES!!!!!!

that is a weird thought, that the kvlt black metal guys i like are just more damn NORMIES. NORMIES GONNA NORM.

i am triggering the shit out of leftist reddist phaggots, who hate the term normies, cuz only niceguy broken men entitled incel r9k neets use the word. shit yeah.

and VARG is essentially a normie because he was hanging out with GRILLS from a proper age.

fenriz got grills, varg got grills, shit even euronymous probably got slutty grills hahahahaha.

you know who didnt get grills? probably dead. well, maybe he got one grill, got his heart broke, then K’d himself hahahaha. [pure speculation]

i hear that dead was a truly weird, lonely soul, not of this world…….and also that he was  a real nice sweet sensitive guy. im sure it was closer to the latter.  and then of course you try to add the grim early 90s norwegian black metal SPIN to that, and he becomes a twisted, dark, cold, lonely, hateful soul, one with death hahahaha.

maybe fenriz should have helped him learn Game to Game those white sluts hahahaha. or he could have gotten euronymous’s sloppy seconds.

but thats the thing about neet virgins…..THEY (we) CANT EVEN PULL DIRTY SLOPPY SECONDS SLUTS!!!!!!!!!!

so that is really a confidence killer!!!!!! the worst, easiest women dont even want us for a roll in the hay!

i mean i dont really care about “the scene”……………….but I do really like burzum and darkthrone, who were huge figures in “the scene”, so there you go. plus they are all interesting PEOPLE with interesting STORIES. and to top it all off, they made actually interesting music. and they continue to be interesting people 25 years later…..even if their music is less interesting.

so yeah. varg fenriz reunion nao.

rej email from 17 an hour county clerical job. SHEEEEEEEEEEEEEIT. i mean 17 dollars, 34k, thats WITHIN REACH for me a lot more than a goddam 40k job. so a rejection from a 34k job actually stings MORE than a rej from a 40k job.

at least for a 24k job, i could convince myself that they rej me because I was “overqualified.”

not so much for a 34k job. thats right in that sweet spot. i mean my glassdoor market value is 35k! the FEDGOV technically COULD pay me 34k as well!

really, I shouldnt apply for jobs MORE than 34k, and I honestly try NOT to……….

but most jobs are far above or far below 34k!!!!!!!!

slow genocide of the Middle Class hahahaha. hollowing out of the middle. the 34k’ers.

i mean i just want to make the average wage of my state/region/area, which is AROUND 13 dollars an hour, 26k a year. anything more is a BLESSING.

also, why do companies do Massive Layoffs, when they could just do Massive Pay Cuts instead? then people could keep their jobs at least, and there will absolutely be unhappy people who will quit voluntary. more cost savings there goy.  so yeah i dont understand why companies will just cut jobs entirely when they COULD just cut wages.

or CANT they. because the numbers dont crunch out that way.  you dont save enough MONEY by just cutting WAGES, you HAVE to cut JOBS if you want to save enough MONEY.

hmm apparently you cant buy gift cards online at gift card granny where you can save 5% or more off the face value. not a bad deal. like get a 25 dollar gift card for 23 dollars. not bad if you are looking to buy some gift cards……which i am!

maybe fenriz doesnt WANT to have kids ok? maybe hes happy with his life just the way it is!!!!

i mean not everyone WANTS to have kids!

yeah but a lot of people DO.

and the white race is kind of at a precarious position right now. so that if you care about the white race AT ALL (and I most certainly DO!!!!) then its kinda your DUTY to have kids. ESPECIALLY if you are of means.

and if you are NOT of means?

then GET of means ASAP mother fooker, because we are having a RACE WAR!!!!!!!!!!

otto skorzeny did not move to the US and was not your GF’s grandfather bro! he moved to spain and or ireland and even worked with the mossad for a bit.

listen to this good goy. 6 million jooz murdered by the n4z15 in the h010c4u5t. sounds like a wacky conspiracy theory tinfoil hat guy hahahahaha.

travel channel show. that old man you met was NOT otto skorzeny. how could you believe he was.

so yeah doing fun social thing today, which is not something i usually do, which is a step in the right direction for me. just be nice and smile and say thank you. baby steps. dont even worry about keeping up with Witty Banter. to me its always like a competition, who can do the wittiest banter, but thats not REALLY what it is, its just people who enjoy doing witty banter with each other and it comes very easily and naturally. only for me is it such a challenging competition! they dont care that im not the wittiest!

for a brief window of time, when i was about 21 or 22, i was kinda a social drunk fenriz character. i hung out a lot, also drank a lot, and had some small measure of charisma or celebrity. a lot of it was a bad reputation as a drunken wildman who said ridiculous things. NOT the type of thing I want to be remembered for. yet it was interesting having some amount of “popularity”.  probably the closest i got to being a normie. was able to parlay it into casual flings with two casual gurls. then my 15 minutes of fame were OVER.  and IMHO I wasted it drinking and being ridiculous and I was largely misunderstood. i would rather be remembered as a Nice, Moral, Honorable Man, than some Salty Loose Cannon Drunk Crank.

 

THIS IS THE LIFE IVE CHOSEN

HOW is this the life I’ve chosen hahahahahaha.

oct 25

sheeeeeeeeeeeit.  interview this afternoon with banking company, easy back office super entry level high school job hahahaha.  but i cant get a sweet 35k Recent Graduates or Pathways job with FEDGOV, so as an Old Graduate, Im forced to settle for a 25k nongraduate job hahahahaha. THIS IS THE LIFE IVE CHOSEN. THIS IS THE HAND IVE BEEN DEALT. I CHOSE THIS hahahaha.

well thats contradictory: you dont CHOOSE the hand you get DEALT by the dealer. its all chance. fate.

yeah but i made a bunch of poor decisions and mistakes that led me to where i am today, so, indeed, THIS IS THE LIFE IVE CHOSEN.

I was in a C++ coding class with this guy who always used to say that. he was prob severely depressed, maybe 45 years old, working FT i think with mainframes, and i had no idea why he was in the class. he sounded like he had been working with code for years. i guess he didnt know c++, and he also wanted to chip away at his degree so he could get a better job. at age 50. even though he was already working like 60 hours a week in a tech job. he would chain smoke during the break in the 3 hour class and say THIS IS THE LIFE IVE CHOSEN and sigh despairing and demoralizingly.  hahahahahahaha. great guy.

maybe he was a virgin or a woman hater too! hahaha. or a Creepy, Abusive, Controlling, Clingy, Needy, Immature, Toxic, Narcissistic Bad Man.

the obvious response is: HOW IS THIS THE LIFE IVE CHOSEN??!?!?!?! I DIDNT CHOOSE THIS!!!! DID I?!?!?!?! I DONT REMEMBER CHOOSING THIS!!!! NOBODY ASKED ME! NOBODY TOLD ME!!! I DIDNT KNOW!!!!!

IGNORANCE OF THE LAW IS NO EXCUSE. THIS IS THE LIFE YOUVE CHOSEN.

you chose it without KNOWING you were choosing it, or what you were choosing. but you chose it nonetheless.

god damn. how the hell did i not apply for one of those recent grad pathways jobs with FEDGOV when i was a recent grad? because i was immature AF as well as a jooish marxist who believed fedgov was an evil behemoth oppressive nonwhites at home and abroad. how could i become a part of the bloated military industrial complex used to oppress and kill innocent nonwhite wimmin and children in iraq and syria and afghanistan.

like they were just GIVING AWAY 35k entry level jobs to 22 year old shitheads like me. i mean its prob competitive as shit. but i DID have Superior GPA from a Name School, so i think i did technically have a chance. now I got no chance because im not even ELIGIBLE. Im too old. i missed the boat. the fast track. now i am on the nowhere track.

they have more Recent Grad Pathways jobs than they do Basic Bitch GS 05 jobs!!!!!!!!!!!!

i coulda been a contender, i coulda started at gs07, but now id be happy AF to take 05! pleeeeease respond! please interview me! most of all please hire me!

this is how i kill 34 minutes before going to muh interview hehehe. i mean i got the big interview done yesterday. i already researched this company today, i researched them 2-3 weeks ago when i did the other interviews.

i could TECHNICALLY start a masterz degree program (BS online MBA) and then get into one of these pathways jobs hehehehehe.

i mean making alot of assumptions here. what if the pathways job is harder to get into than HARVARD or MIT. i just dont know.

“sort of ex/bf” wtf does that mean???? YOU DONT KNOW IF HES YOUR EX OR NOT???!!?!?!?!?!?!?!??!?!??!??!!

heh. at least i got that going for me. there is NO DOUBT that That Woman did not want to be with me. So now all I need to do is Forget About Her, and uhh learn the lessons and not make the same mistakes again. not be a COWARD again. be a MAN.

FIFTY DOLLARS to see MORRISSEY??? For 20 sure. for 30 maybe, a big maybe. i mean im not even a huge morrissey fan, i just respect what he’s done and i like the ridiculous lovesick grumpy image. i only know like 3 or 4 smiths songs and like 1 or 2 morrissey songs. 50$? rather spend it on MJ hahahahaha.

 

why dont you go to grad skool, you old white man. you get in what you put out. maybe if you CAREER FOCUSED like WOMEN you wouldnt be in this mess.

way to have a NEGATIVE, ENTITLED attitude that employers can SMELL a MILE away. go to THERAPY and fix your negative entitled attitude.

i was thinking about posting just to give him sympathy but then the post got locked. prob cuz it got very heated in there with people piling on this poor guy. IMHO, he is ENTITLED to have a negative attitude!

did i even talk about the interview? it was ok enough, i was nervous and rambling. i appreciated that they werent trying to RUSH me out of there in 45 minutes. it ended up being damn 90 minutes. i get the impression they give people all the time they need to Hire and Interview. i was a little exhausted at the end of it. the person was nice enough.

unfort there is also a damn second interview. i didnt expect a second interview for this damn 13 dollar an hour job. well i mean i didnt expect it to be a part of the process. but i would like this job so i DO want to get invited to the second interview.  but its also discouraging. i dont think ive ever made it to a second interview. i mean i am honestly sick of interviewing. 27 interviews and no job hahahahaha. well, i am a little TOO picky about jobs because i know I would prob K myself at a restaurant or fast food or grocery job. so i am trying to get a damn office job.

well just get a “transitional” job. well thats the thing. well sure you have to bullshit like its not transitional and you want to work at this shady restaurant the rest of your life.

well i can handle a lot more than i THINK i can handle, when I am not having Huge Personal Drama with a Woman at the job.

so if any one of these 27 places said yes, i could have probably handled it. for a year or so. then ragequit. then spent the next 15 months trying to find new job haha.

well the manager i talked to knew one of muh references, sort of. i will take that as a good sign. a SIGN from GAWWWWWDDDDDDDD. much like seeing that woman from my old job, working at the place i interviewed yesterday. not sure what is the better sign.

or it just means nothing hehehehe.

now i feel strangely tired. even though i got plenty of sleep. i always get plenty of sleep. too much sleep! i worry how i would be able to handle working 50 hours a week! i would literally have to do nothing but work and sleep. no exercise, no chores, no family, no 1488 podcasts, no powerwalks, no writing hahaha.

but heres the thing, i cant go RIGHT TO SLEEP after work because im too worried and my mind spinning and reeling about work stuff. the best thing i can do is take a ton of MJ, relax a bit, and THEN go study for 90 minutes or so, to give me a sense of confidence on the Work Material and that I am Ready for the crazy day tomorrow. so thats at least 2 hours of post-work home stuff there.

for a person that likes to spend 12 hours a day in bed, that is hard to swing hahahaha.

is it normal to spend 12 hours a day in bed? what is it a symptom of? despair? laziness?

i dont spend the WHOLE TIME sleeping. but uhh I do spend about 10 hours sleeping. 10 hours sleeping every night. the average is 7 hours. come on. but i feel like i cant FUNCTION hahahaha.

i mean yeah for a while i WAS a normie, getting 7 hours of sleep, working super stressful job all day every day. i was paying my dues just like everyone else.

but i just want a job where i can do tasks. have a routine. not have so much god damn change and confusion and being SLAMMED and having to explain and fix shit you didnt understand. its your job to answer the phone and there are calls always waiting in the queue.

heh the best was when i was on like a 90 minute call and i really had to urinate because i had been drinking a lot of coffee and water. i have actually put the caller on hold, ran out of the room and urinated, then came back to continue the call 2 minutes later with no one the wiser. because i was constantly putting the caller on hold for 5 minutes at a time to “research” or “get some advice” or run such and such a program.

but yeah that was HORRIBLE. i guess theoretically i could have asked the caller for permission so i could go to the Restroom. newbs would think, well why cant you just call them back.

ONE DOES NOT SIMPLY CALL THEM BACK because then you are in OUTBOUND call mode and that counts as Not Ready and you have to be Ready 85% of the time.  you are only ready when you are Inbound. on an inbound call, or those times when you are waiting for an inbound call.

i dont remember those times so much but we actually had them. but those times kinda sucked too because you were on the edge of your seat worried about when you would get that call and what it would be. i couldnt just Chill Out.

but yeah technically it WAS better than having one call after the other, to at least get a couple minutes between calls to rest or maybe even talk to your neighbor and try to convince yourself you were a normal human being who knew how to talk to people.

i dont want to work in a goddamn call center on inbound calls ever again! is that so illegit of me???!?!?!?!?!?!

its not like i wont serve customers or talk to people! i will give customer service! I will even sit in the inbound call queue for……..2 hours a day hahahaha. maybe even 3. but not fookin EIGHT hours a day.

i just hate that i WASNT TOUGH ENOUGH. I wasnt tough enough but SHE was.

 

wait until she leaves him for one of her more interesting male friends, he is right to be “insecure.” also he is shamed for thinking casual sex is wrong and not liking that his GF had a FWB casual sex partner. shamed by all the casual sex NIHILIST sluts of reddit.

feel pretty exhausted, not sure why. was it really because of muh 90 minute interview? i think so. but i used to do the equivalent of 8 hours of interviews every day at work. and yeah i was exhausted too but i couldnt sleep because my mind was RACING and worried.

right now im not worried and mind racing thank GOD. but i shouldnt be THIS tired. just from a 85 minute interview. i mean i sleep 10 hours a day. i cant upgrade the citalopram any more said the dr, 40 mg is maximum dose. the other option is that i could add wellbutrin. who knows. might do that. keep adding shit until one day i can HANDLE Normie Life. not even a Rel! but just a normie job. like the ones i interviewed for today and yesterday.

int tommorow, i am barely even preparing. i have talked to these people TWICE before, taken like FOUR tests with them, also this is a part time job, i am sick of doing prep work for them. but this part time job pays pretty well (15 an hour) and i would not turn it down AT ALL. I would welcome it.

just too many god damn college “educated” professional women on reddit. thinking they are all smart and progressive with their horrible nihilistic “progressive” “values.”

anyway i am a VERY low key guy and i would not like the “rockstar” gf like this guy has. its fine and dandy she has “CHOSEN” him but i guarantee shes gonna end up CHOOSING one of her more interesting male friends, and his “insecurities” will be 100% correct. he would be better off with a low key person like him, someone who doesnt have FWB’s.

i certainly want a low key woman. That Woman was very low key and did not like to party at all. no drinking, no going out, just staying in with the family, no tons of male friends. i LUVED that about her. i mean i have dealt with the other type of woman too. too many male friends, sluts, etc. college sluts that probably use reddit now and give horrible advice.

anyway i just worry that I singlehanded Ruined my rel with that woman because of My Issues that I should have been Getting Therapy for!!!!!!

but i HAVE been going to Some Therapy and taking medz every day!

oh god what a butt slut hahahahahahahaha

at the age of 24 shes ONLY had THREE serious enough relationships (out of 600000000000 secs partners) that she Luved enough to let them put it in the ass. THANKS.

anyway didnt mean to get on a tangent there.  i just dont want to RUIN rels with My Issues. Insecurities and Anxiety and Despair and Hate and Judgeyness hahahahaha. oh you had 3 FWBs thats gross and NIHILISTIC hahahaha. well it is.

well i mean reddit said its FRIENDS with benefits and its not nihilistic, its not disrespectful, and it involves communication and respect and mutual appreciation, you are not just using people for secs nihilistically.

so THEORETICALLY its something I MAY be capable of. like if i met a qt young gurl who i thought, oh yeah shes attractive i wouldnt mind having secs with her.

but if she was a decent person and i got along with her as a FRIEND, AND was secsually attracted to her…….i would CERTAINLY get some kind of FEELINGS very quickly.

so i dont understand how these FWBs just dont end up Dating.  you get along with the person as a friend, which is HUGE, AND you are secsually attracted to them, with is HUGE, and together with the getting along? i mean shit it sounds like something that would work really well as Dating, so why the f not do that?

like i was good friends with that woman and wished i could date someone i got along with that well. and then i started thinking of her secsually…..and boom the FEELINGS came right along with that.

so yeah FWB points to the nihilistic shit of being able to separate secs from feelings, which IMHO is nihlistic and wrong and disturbing, just like that anxious niceguy(tm) OP says in that reddit where he was shamed.

fookin interviews. sick of this shit hahahahaha.

MJ IS NOT JUST A GOOD RELSHIP SIMULATOR, BUT A GOOD RELSHIP SUBSTITUTE

sept 29

went to my social event yesterday, saw some mudsharks, and they werent even bad or old or terrible looking. i mean they were bangable! two Cool Cat Black Guys at a table with THREE mudshark white women. UNBELIEVABLE. I mean i blame the women more than the blacks. the women are PICKING these blacks. they certainly dont HAVE to. I tried to memorize the women so I would know to STAY AWAY if I ever saw them on a Dating Website. shit yeah its rustling. and then I think, That Woman is a Mudshark like These whores. Damn. Is she Still a mudshark? did she learn her lesson and say I’ll never go back?

and it doesnt matter! it doesnt matter if she learned her lesson like a good girl, or continued being a negr0 fooking whore like these bad mudsharks!

and even being a mudshark doesnt make you a horrible person, it just means i wouldnt want to date you hahahahaha.

i mean women are so GULLIBLE, they can be persuaded and coerced into doing horrible things!!!!!!

and i am butthurt because they are SO gullible, yet I can’t convince them to committ to ME!!!!!! but these sleazy blacks can easily convince them!

did my 15 pushups today, got 3 apps done, did not go for powerwalk tho. will do one more app.

ok did one more. took forever. my average is steadily rising thru the 13 minute range and will soon get hit 14 hahaha. not that thats HORRIBLE or anything. but remember 1 minute on the average, times 500 applications, is 8 extra hours hehehehe.

had dream last night with a bunch of people i knew years ago and we were having a party in a college dorm hahahaha. which is a really weird envronment and i still have dreams in that environ fairly consistently. i was in one area and was talking to this gurl I remembered from GRADE SCHOOL who was qt and nice and I sorta regret not pursuing her even though I was only 13 years old at the oldest!!!!! and i had even LESS skillz than i do now hahaha. but she appears once in a great while in dreams. she was qt and nice and not a huge whore, and believe me, some gurls started being whores at age 13. if i knew what i was doing, i am very confident she would have been a good GF hehehe.

in the dream i was like just hang on and I will be back in like 20 minutes, i gotta visit my friends on the other floor, then i went there, and it was a sausage fest of pathetic beta men only, all getting raging drunk to escape their foreveraloneness and pretty much having fun doing it. I got swept up with them and they were all being nice and friendly to me and treating me like a guest of honor and it was real hard to get back to That Gurl, and I never did, and then I felt huge regret at having Blown My Chance.

the end hahahaha. because you only GET one chance with women hehehehehe.

stuff like marilyn manson i think represents the nihilism and degeneracy of My Generation, which is slightly too old to be full millennials, and note that millennials would rightfully think MM is stupid and silly. but when you are a young teen when “antichrist superstar” comes out and you want to rebel against stupid christian school, yeah it was perfect timing. unfort i could not see at the time that manson had no substance, no solution, it was just stupid phaggy bullshit. 3edgy5me stuff, and there were much better ways to be edgy than to rebel against White Christian Middle America.  But he is a great example of my age group and where we come from and kinda the canary in a coal mine that something is rotten but we really dont know what it is yet, so lets rant and rave and dress scary and get fooked up on drugs and say fook god and his slave religion!!!!!!!

so thats where i come from. a sense that things are gonna be fooked up, and were gonna rebel against it by being fooked up in the extreme opposite direction, but still a sense of total despair that this really DOES anything or fixes anything. theres no goal. the goal is oblivion and escape and good feels and muh dick and muh euphoria. cowardly and negroish.

the younger kids and millennials are a LOT more goal oriented and less nihilistic. but still degenerate from all the casual sex and cheating they do hahaha.

and what is MM now. a fat old irrelevant has been 50 year old hahahaha.

sez me who ust spent the last 45 minutes reading MM related wikis and learning that his last few albums were received rather well hahahaha.  well i wanted to see if he had mellowed out or matured any since the mid 90s. i guess he has actually.

ok sex is way easier to get than a real relship. EVEN for men.

so if you say youre a virgin people think youre weird, because sex is a low bar, easy to get, low price, even for men. certainly youve had cheap sex with some sluts right?

unless you have a valid reason, like im saving myself for marriage.

and i DID have a valid reason!!! I ALWAYS wanted to save myself for a marriage-like long-term serious monog relship with an official GF, and I didnt want to have quick secs with random sluts!

but i learned that I at least wasnt good at pulling even easy sluts. I know the theory of be masculine, confident, cocky, bold, brash, charming, charismatic, devil may care, but I just couldnt put that theory into practice, when even a damn negro could do that and pull muh white wimmin.

like right now i would take meaningless cheap slutsex…..but i’m finding that even THAT is very hard for me to get!!!!!

but yeah tbh i NEVER wanted to bang sluts, even while i was horny af, and jerking off to degen pron every day, and saying ooooh i wish i could bang these qt college gurls i see every day but im too sissy. EVEN THEN, at the depths of my degeneracy, what I really WANTED was to have a real GF and bang HER, rather than bang random sluts.

“well thats a false dichotomy, people go through stages, those random sluts end up being someones GF at some point, etc”

WRONG hahahaha well I wouldnt want them to be MY gf because once a slut always a slut. once a cheater always a cheater. once a murderer always a murderer. once a mudshark always a mudshark.

QUOTE

[–]Dolomite808 -19 points 8 hours ago
Honestly, she doesn’t owe him shit. Sure it would be nice, but she doesn’t owe it to him.
That said, I don’t think OP should wait around for her. Just as she needs to do what is right for her, he needs to do what is right for him.
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[–]methuser69 21 points 7 hours ago
Right, in the same way that if my wife is sick and wants me to make her breakfast, I don’t owe her shit and I don’t have to do it. She wants me to watch the kids once a month so she can go to her book club? Too bad, don’t owe her shit. This is not how disagreements in relationships work, who cares what is “owed”, in a healthy relationship your partners’ problems are your problems and this is a serious one. What the hell is the value of this comment?
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END

FROM

this is exactly the point i always try to make about “owing” and “entitlement.” No, you’re not ENTITLED to anything, but it would be NICE if the person you thought cared about you treated you with respect and dignity and communicated with you, and gave you some kind of sign of good faith or good will.

because this weird crazy gurl wants to be celibate for a year but can’t explain why. and YES the explanation DOES matter, despite what some dumb woman says in the thread about the explanation not really mattering. yes it DOES matter. it would at least give some perspective and show that your gf can THINK and COMMUNICATE about big decisions.

how do these people get masters degrees, and make 50k a year where making decisions and communicating is a big part of doing your job, but they cant explain to their bf why they want to deny him secs for a year?

well this gurl is a little younger, but in 5 years she will be a masters degree career professional.

heh reading r/relships does not make me dislike women any less. because what they say and what they do is so vastly different. usually this is a good reason not to like somebody………but its just the way women ARE. so its HARD to like women. because you dont like PEOPLE whos actions dont match up with their words, but you have to accept thats a MALE thing. just like being rational, logical, being racially aware, being political, caring about honor, being consistent, being loyal, being loving and good and moral and mature hahahahaha. women just arent CAPABLE of these things. dont hold them to such unrealistic standards. but DAMN is is ANNOYING to hear them TALK and give their OPINIONS. if you actually listened to them, took them seriously, and did what they said, they’d lose all respect for you and dump you hahahahahaha. like doing the shit they bitch guys out for on this sub. “Like, literally listen to her and respect her feelings.” shit. if a guy actually did that, they would lose all respect for him and dump him.

sept 30

but yeah, /relships would be a lot better without the stupid women giving their stupid women opinion on stupid drama. even the antigun leftist shitlib men are more logical and less annoying than these confident women who think they are smart and funny. a confident woman is the most annoying obnoxious rude bitch ever hahahahaha.

i prefer unconfident women so i can control and manipulate and dominate and abuse them hahahahahahahahaha

NO, i really dont want to ABUSE women. i just want a woman that respects me and wants to be with me and makes any EFFORT with me rather than just saying welp im done with him!

but i also see tons of dumb women putting up with a LOT worse than me!!! and not immediately walking out on that guy! sometimes its an issue of the guy being weak and clingy too! and they dont immediately leave!!!!

she doesnt OWE it to you to work on shit. she doesnt OWE it to you to stop banging other guys, you controlling clingy creeper. she doesnt OWE it to you to try to be nice to you. she doesnt OWE it to you to not throw you away like a piece of garbage and break your heart haahahhahaha and you are the bad guy if you get upset by it.

no jk youre not the bad guy if you get upset by it, but youre the bad guy if you say pleeeeeeeeaaaase just talkkkkkkk toooo meeeeeeeee please respond!!!!!! hehehehe.

tbh i am doing a lot better regarding HER than i was, much better than i was, but i am in a pretty bad state regarding my own confidence and being able to be a normal adult. NO confidence in my ability to do a job or get a woman. feel totally unworthy and unable. but at least i am getting over HER hahahaha. but im not fully over here. probably take another 6 months, where i will be in a woman hating phase too hahahaha.

no i think i said feb 1 2017 was my deadline.

logic is not manipulation you dumb B’s!!!!!

when you dump a guy one day and then beng a guy the next day, yes that IS wrong in ALL situations ya dumb B’s! because youre broken up, so it doesnt matter. bullshit.  take at LEAST a month before fooking or even dating other guys.

anyway. what i wanted to say today is that i look back and i am EMBARRASSED at the way i acted. like shit. it was SO OBVIOUS, but i couldnt see it at the time. just let her go, shes not into me, just back away. why couldnt i do that??!?!?!?! why was I such a pathetic omeega clingy creeper? because i was in luv with her and these feelings really compromised me in every way possible. but in hindsight it is really embarrassing.

but it didnt HAVE ulterior motives! it was important for me to have her understand that.

of course i can see how it would look ike ulterior motives.

basically i dont want to be the little maniplating nice guy bitch like the stupid xkcd comic “friends.”

but i didnt have ulterior motives. my feelings changes midway through, then i started acting different, and she noticed that, but i was too scared to come out and say it.

so yeah i guess i learned a lesson: blurt it out after like 1 month rather than waiting 10 months.

but yeah i just want to DEFEND myself too: i wasnt denying or pretending anything. i was acting like i liked her. i just was too scared to state that directly “i like you.” but i was TOTALLY acting like a schoolgirl with a Big Crush and I AM confident that she noticed that.

it wasnt like she asked me, do you have feelings for me, and i said no! if she HAD asked me I would have said YASSSSSSSS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

eli the computer guy says he is NOT jooish. should we believe him? hahahaha.

he is a pretty good guy and i dont WANT him to be jooish, IMHO. i would PREFER that he was white. but its hard to tell with him. the beard, the name. but i wish i had a guy like this when i was struggling at a tech job. lots of people apparently feel the same way. cuz he is good. explains stuff well, in a world where explanations are hard to come by.

anyway to work in Tech you need to be an Abrasive Thick Skinned Asshole who thinks theyre smarter than everybody else and is a Dick All The Time, and is Super OVerly Confident. Obviously I am none of these things!!!!!

Tech is for Nerds, but not meek wimpy nerds, but Tough Dickhead Asshole Nerds!

also I never really loved TECH. I just managed to get a tech job because they hired ANYONE, and also i am probably in the 61% percentile of tech savvy. which was more than enough to get that job. but i was not a thick skinned asshole. thats for sure! if i were then i would have survived. also i prob would have gotten a gf by age 25 at the latest hahaha.

did muh pushups today. got muh 1 app in. did not eat a too large brunch hehehe. got some stuff done by 1:35 pm.

why does GOD want me to be a loser? why does GOD want me to never meet a nice woman, or to work a survivable job? is GOD trying to TOUGHEN ME UP so that I become strong enough to do these things? WELL ITS NOT WORKING! I AM ALMOST 35 YEARS OLD AND CANNOT GET A WOMAN OR SURVIVE A JOB!

Its kinda like assholes that think they know what they’re doing and they dont, and they confuse the difference between desensitization and flooding, when trying to “fix” their friend or BF or GF of a bad habit or phobia.

if someone is scared of snakes, you dont dump them in a pit of snakes. that is flooding and that will give them a panic attack and maybe a damn heart attack and kill them.

it doesnt take a GENIUS to understand this distinction!!!!!!!! its pretty OBVIOUS!!!!!!!

what you want to do is GRADUAL, incremental, baby steps desensitization. have them be in a room with a small snake. then have them touch a small snake. etc etc.

well going months and years without smoking MJ has taught me that I certainly dont NEED MJ……but by god do I WANT it. right now I WANT it. sheeit last time i smoked MJ a few weeks ago, i didnt even really LIKE it because i felt socially incompetent and anxious. but i still wanted to have my own MJ and smoke it by myself. and that is what i want right now, or really any time i want it. I dont want to take it with other people ever, just alone. unless it is one on one and I get along REALLY well with the person. but not in a group of like 4 or more people.

after a ruff day of work it was PERFECT. I would smoke some, then listen to some chill music, and then start studying work shit, to better prepare and understand. then smoke some more and go to bed and ideally get some good rest (whcih the mj def helped with!!!!) for another big long stressful day tomorrow.

oh yeah millennial woes tshirt on the way.

but yeah MJ can give me those Warm Fuzzies kinda similar to what a woman does……with the added benefit of its MUCH more available than a woman. its a woman for when i cant get a woman, which is always. a great GF SUBSTITUTE. Not just a good relship simulator, but a decent relship SUBSTITUTE!

awww yeah. just had 450th job app. perfect job. day shift M-F job at hospital that always rejects me and called me in for one abortive pseudo-interview. why do i keep applying here. because they have reasonable sounding entry level jobs and they are a huge employer in the area. and that is really all the reason anyone needs!

but yeah pretty sure they are strongly antigap hahaha. i guess thats their right. whatever. bitches.

http://bbs.dailystormer.com/t/white-women-volunteering-at-calais-having-sex-with-multiple-migrants-per-day/55556

heheheh i am pretty close to anglin re my view on women. i just have no evidence to believe they are capable of making good decisions independently. even white women. white women left to their own devices WILL throw white men under the bus in favor of ooga booga strongman nonwhite migrant thugs because who is more MASCULINE. who shows more RAW POWER. women just dont CARE about race. it’s up to MEN to secure the white race. white women will just mate with the strongest man, and white men need to BE the strongest men.

WOMEN WANT TO BE CONTROLLED BY MEN WHO DONT PUT THEM ON A PEDESTAL!!!!!

This is why they are often with abusers! because abusers DONT GIVE A FOOK!

You/we/me need to also not give a fook!!!!!

some woman youre in love with, being used by negros and kebabs as a KVM BUCKET!!!!!!!

SHE WANTS TO BE DOMINATED!!!!!!

heh i am just angry because That Woman was a Beginner Mud Shark and she was a nice gurl and not a fat ugly trash and she might even stop being a mud shark. but anyway this triggers me when people say “who cares, the mud shark women are all fat ugly trash whores” because i know they are not.

so, maybe pretend you are a big tough abuser, but you dont actually have to abuse the women.

…..but maybe if you smack them ONCE, its a great return on investment, because she will be super faithful to you, and since you’re not REALLY an abuser, its not like you have to KEEP smacking and beating her.

because youre not a trashy nonwhite brute, you feel pretty bad about beating women, like you can’t bring yourself to do it.

this is why i am such a fan of spanking women. you give them a smack in a really very harmless way, you show her you wont tolerate her misbehavior, you show youre not afraid to smack her, but youre not REALLY beating or abusing her, and she rewards you with love and loyalty and effort.

i would have LOVED to spank That Woman, but…….you cant really spank a woman youre not fooking.

but its not hard to fook women! they fook men theyve JUST met!!!!!

then you can spank them, then they wont dump you, then they will stick around long enough for it to be a real rel!

but yeah basically i wasnt at the point where I COULD spank her. but its not hard to get to that point. once youve banged them, you can pretty much do whatever you want with their body hahahahahahahahahahahahahaha with their consent of course. and you can bang a gurl within 2 hours of meeting her.

anyway. basically, if a gurl doesnt have a GOOD FATHER, stay away. or at least never get feels for her or use her as more than a practice gurl. actually if you treat her like garbage she might be GOOD to you! so i dunno.

i think about these other sluts that dumped me, the one her parents were divorced, but she seemed to get along well with her father, had a good rel. respected and liked her father. well maybe her father let her get away with being a negro fookin slut and ddnt care, cuz they were joos.

but STILL i cant imagine even a jooish father not caring if his daughter to be a slut!!!!!!!

well she didnt SEEM like a slut though, and wasn’t a HUGE slut, just a SMALL slut. so the father prob just didnt know.

but yeah. spanking. its such a GREAT IDEA. it gives me HOPE and is a candle in the darkness of despair. seriously. i mean there are some bad guys out there that will punch a woman right in the face. i could never do that. i couldnt even open handed slap a woman in the face. but a spanking seems very doable. if your woman is distant and does not respect you or communicate with you, SPANK HER.

how much? i dunno. a decent amount. you dont want her to forget it. i dunno. 30 times. 1488 times.

you try treating women like human beings cuz your a man, thats how you treat everyone, and then they treat you in a way that you thought no human being could treat another human being. and then women on relship forums tell woman haters like you that you should, like, you know, maybe treat women as, like, you know, actual literal human beings, you controlling clingy creeper??!!?!!

before 2010 it was cool and rebellious to be liberal. now it is cool and rebellious to be conservative. and i think that is great. teens are much more conservative and alt right, while their parents are baby boomer shitlibs. children way more conservative than their parents. this is awesome. shit, children even more conservative than their GRANDPARENTS. i love it. this gives me hope for the future. that and spanking women hahahahahaha.

took a valium where normally i would take a nyquil. but i am getting over nyquil, it just makes you so slow the next day, its not worf it m8. even WEED doesnt do that.

i also hate how that viceland weediquette streetshitter krishna calls it WEED WEED WEED all the time. way to make your drug sound legitimate, degen. shit. even when he talked to this old bearded swami hippie, the old guy told him dont call it WEED call it CANNABIS. And I agreed with the old degen. WEED just SOUNDS degen. words matter hahahaha. language matters.

anyway this valium doesnt seem to be doing anything. although i am drinking coffee too hehehehe. i mean i drink coffee all day long.

she doesnt OWE it to you to stop talking to and texting her X regularly. were just friends now.

i just cant understand or relate to this at all. if i talked to HER regularly still, it would because i still wanted her.

and now that women know what “gaslighting” is, they are convinced that every is gaslighting. no, sometimes you just have no idea what the hell is going on!!!!!!! you completely misunderstand and you shut down all communication that would help you understand!!!! you dont WANT to understand!!!!!!!!

 

 

 

14 WORDS, 14 DOLLARS AN HOUR

aug 25

ok when i get muh 15 emails every morning with job stuff, i should SET THE TIMER and go through those in 30 minute chunks and then basically log and keep track of that time. because it does take valuable time is money. and i should measure that timemoney for muh job search metrics hahahaha. spreadsheetz.

so, start the timer, go in 30 maybe 40 minute increments, and keep track of that time! dont just look at the list of emails and groan and go through them without keeping track of your VALUABLE 14 DOLLAR AN HOUR TIME! USE THE CASH CLOCK!!!!!

http://www.online-stopwatch.com/cash-clock/

SET IT TO 14 DOLLARS AN HOUR!!!!!

14 WORDS, 14 DOLLARS AN HOUR!!!!!

heh. note to self and others: if you think you can make “bulletproof coffee” with cold or cool coffee, think again hahahaha. i thought i could somehow “whip” muh spreadable butter into the coffee if i stirred it vigorously enough. now there are just many disgusting little blobs of butter in the coffee hahahaha.

maybe a blender would work better?

dsw shoe place sucked, my next place is jcpenney. jcp does not have Crocs tho hahahaha. they do have nike and adidas and new balance running shoes tho.

ok the cool coffee with blobs of butter was so gross that i had to microwave it hehehehe.

i used to go to kohls as muh main one stop department store but i might become a jcpenneys man hahahaha. i have been dissatisfied with kohls for a few years. plus mr kohl himself is a LITERAL JOO. plus their sonoma store brand, the pants never fit well, even though just looking at them they look good.

what about MACYS. what about BURLINGTON hahahaha. i dont really luv shopping but i dont really luv looking like a neet virgin either!

but since i am always losing or gaining weight, all my clothes are either too big or too small.

yeah that gris 2007 album IEUF is more up my alley than their 2013 album. production wise at least. it is more black metal. im not crapping on the 2012 album, i just want soething more black metally right now.

singer sounds really good still, guitars are more black metally, drums sound good. 2013 album, no real problem with, but I am SUCH an AUTISTE about production that if the production isnt PERFECT, I cant even listen to it. so the 2007 album is more perfect sounding to my autist ears than the 2013 album. which isnt bad and could certainly be a grower. i cant crap on gris, they have an obviously great style.

yesterday i thought that infamous blackgaze phaggot NEIGE sort of looks like That Woman. ok i just watched a video of him and….not really. he does have really nice long hair like she did though hahaha. and a big nose like she does. he sorta looks like nick cage tho. did SHE look like nick cage? that might be enough to turn me off of her hahahaha. Nick cage is weirdly handsome but i dont want a woman who looks like nick cage.  or neige.

i remember listening to “ecailles de lune” when it first came out (2010???) and i was like wow this is pretty neat, very atmospheric. back then “blackgaze” was not even a word. and i was impressed with neiges screaming voice. it was a decent straight up “depressive shrieking” which is a lot like what gris does.

now neige was never really “depressive.” at all. but its probably not a stretch to say maybe some of his stuff was more “melancholy.”

heh being with that woman brought me to that magical nostalgic peaceful fantasy world alcest is always going on about.

if im reading this correctly, its that neige never even listened to shoegaze until people kept telling him his music sounded pretty shoegazey, then he discovered slowdive and went all in with his shelter album. so, in other words, like one reviewer says, neige invented blackgaze “by accident.”

i noticed that when i heated up the disgusting butter blob coffee in the microwave, the butter melted and STAYED MELTED even as the mixture cooled off to around room temperature. i thought it might turn back to blobs. nope.

ok now what if you melted the butter in the microwave, then poured it into cool coffee? room temp coffee?  my goal is to have it NOT turn into blobs!

ok made the phone call to the auto service before the end of the day like i was wanting to. i still hate making phone calls! there is a recall due to air bags. i can get it repaired fo free but have been putting it off. normies have to take an unpaid day off work and risk getting FIRED whenever they need to get their car fixed hehehe. i can do this anytime, because i am a jobless neet, but i was afraid to make the call. well today i called them finally. it was either that or go to jcpenney.

looks like my nemesis KOHLS has crocs. why am i so fascinated by crocs. they are ridiculous. are you supposed to wear socks with them? because i would use them as sandals and NOT wear socks with them.

ok there is a crocs STORE near my house, in the newer mall that i refuse to go to because all the kewl young gurls go there. hehehe. all the more reason to go there. follow 18 year old hawtties around like a 35 year old creeper hahahahahahahahahahaha jk.

be like wanna come back to my huge molester van and smoke MJ and listen to GRIS hahhahahaha. maybe gris AND trist. is that supposed to rhyme.

no i dont have a huge molester van!

also i dont have any MJ. and i damn sure wouldnt have the balls to ask 18 year old gurls to come to muh van and smoke MJ with me hahahahahahaha.

women: dont be such disgusting, degenerate nihilists! or is it nihilistic degenerates.

like stories of the bride to be on a bachelorette party getting drunk and they run into a bachelor party and then the bride to be fooks some badboi right before she is supposed to be getting married. and the expectation is that the husband fooks skanks on his bachelor party.

YOU DONT OWN ME! i can do what i want with my body! dont be so possessive and controlling and clingy! of course i can fook other people when i am getting married the next day! marriage doesnt mean monogamy! monogamy is misogyny! monogamy is HATE!

heh whenever you meet a married couple, ask them if they have an open marriage.  the proper reaction is to react with lip curling disgust. NO, we’re not DEGENERATE. then you say, good, i was testing you to see if you are degenerate. you passed. good for you. i dont associate with open marriage degenerates. we live in such a degenerate, nihilistic era, that some people think that cheating on your husband or wife is just fine. just making sure you’re not like that.  just making sure youre not such a shitty goddamn cheater that both of you have rationalized that cheating is ok. fook that shit.

when i was out in the world working muh horrible job, i was amazed at how many normal people were DISGUSTING CHEATERS. people who seemed normal and nice were cheating on their husbands and wives. and it seemed MORE prevalent with the OLDER people, like by the time you get to 30, cheating is just a normal thing you do as your first marriage falls apart. super black pill. aso. brack pirru.

german tech company has not responded to my email saying yes you can call me to do the phone screening at these times. they contacted me first! then i responded back promptly. and now nothing.

aug 26

had semi weird dream that provided interesting food for thought. sheeeeeeeit at least 8-9 years ago my male friend had a gf and they were quite serious, have been in a traditional monogamous nondegen ltr for liek 4 years at least. i hung out with muh friend a lot, she hung out with him a lot, so i saw a lot of her, which can often be a problem in male male franships, except that i got along with her really well, and i was not really the third wheel. we would all have fun smokin MJ and watching movies and eating food and having dranks or whatever.

anyway my friend and the woman broke up. i was still very friendly with her and even hung out with her a little bit, which i was well away at the time was potentially controversial. yes it would be, i thought, if i had any designs on her! but she’s just a nice person, we get along well, and i dont have any other female friends. its not like im trying to GET with her. that would be just weird. and also potentially traitorous to my friend. i dont want to do that.

“on the job training provided for the RIGHT candidate” ???!?!?!?!?!!

OH THANK YOU SO MUCH.

not even taking into account that “on the job training” is ABSOLUTELY JOOISH BULLSHIT, but now its just being dangled as the reward for GOOD performers only. otherwise you get punished by being fired, or no OJT at all.

and of course the main reason OJT is BULLSHIT is because ITS NOT TRAINING AT ALL.

its you look like an untrained idiot in front of customers, then bother another busy person to show you how to do your job, and their customers and your customers wait impatiently and get bitchy, and you look bad, and your coworker resents you, and the company looks bad. lose lose lose lose lose situation.

anyway. re the 2008 or so woman. yeah she pretty much was a female friend. i got along with her well, she was very nice to me, and she was qt. sound familiar?

one day something Snapped, and i was like WOW she is a TOTAL qt, i would really like to bang her. but thats weird because that is one of muh best friends ex gfs. i respect him enough to never do something like that. but damn she is a real qt for sure……

and this was after she had started dating a new guy. probably a little too soon for my liking after the end of her rel with my friend.

sound familiar?

so, after they break up and are single for 2 months, thats when my feelings start to change, and then when they start dating a new guy, my feelings are unequivocally changed. like maybe hmm. so you were looking for a new man but didnt even consider me.

now, with that 2008 woman, i didnt have a deep luving infatuation or crush on her like with w2015. i just wanted to bang her. but i liked her as a friend. and the emotions were conflicting and confusing. also, we hung out much less as she dated the new guy. also the new guy seemed like a decent enough guy, i think they might have gotten married or at least stayed together for years.

so, w2015 was like the next level of that: we were even closer friends, i was more in luv with her, the whole thing went on for longer. also there was never the issue that i might be betraying a friend of mine, because she was never dating a friend of mine. i became friends with her directly.

but yeah in the dream there was that woman from 2008 and i guess i was trying to secs her up, touching her and trying to take her clothes off.

so yeah the main takeaway is that i probably had some kind of feelings for her, and was an indicator that i was capable of getting feelings for a female friend who i thought was just friends. or at the very least I could discover that there was signif Secsual Attraction there that I wasn’t initially aware of. and its weird. because you think ive known this person for months or years and its only NOW I’m “discovering” this physical attraction for them? when men including me can usually tell within seconds whether or not a gurl is attractive?

I think i always knew these women were attractive, but there were other mitigating circumstances where I knew that being actively attracted to them was morally wrong (gf of my friend, and or she has a bf) or inconvenient (shes just a friend, besides i am hung up on other women)

anyway i never had a big blowout with the 2008 woman, i was never deeply in luv with her, we just sorta drifted apart as she got more serious with her new bf. but there was no hard feelings and no hate or bitterness or coldness or butthurt whatsoever, and i remember her fondly and wish the best for her.

and my male friend found another seemingly decent woman and got married to her and they had a baby and i hope they have more. all white of coursh hahahaah. they have been together for like 7 or 8 years and she seems decent, i dont think she’ll ruin the marriage hahahaha. i dont really know her tho.

i was reading a blut aus nord review yesterday and the guy was like memoria vetusta II is a special album, i listened to it after muh GF gave birth to her child.

implying that the child was not his.

implying that this skank got knocked up by some loser who ran off immed after getting her pregnant.

implying that she started dating this black metal loving sap WHILE she was pregnant with the other guys child

DONT DATE ANYONE WHILE YOU ARE PREGNANT WITH ANOTHER GUYS CHILD! JUST STAY AWAY FROM MEN!!!!! DONT EVEN DATE EMO OMEGA NICEGUYS!!!!!

then the reviewer was like, i was devastated when she left me and i couldnt listen to this album for a long time.

and i thought, WOW, this guy is super pathetic cringe.

first, falling in luv with a pregnant woman.

second, being dumped by her after she has the baby, and being so upset by it.

THERE BUT FOR THE GRACE OF GOD GO I.

the woman should be glad any man can still love her after she had another man’s bastard.

yet she dumps him exactly because he is a sniveling, supplicating, weak, phaggy omega.

don’t be that guy.

i have never fallen in luv with a Single Mother or been dumped by a single mother, and I hope I NEVER do.

i guess i would bang a slutty single mother. but i still have a healthy disrespect for single mothers.

i mean theyll never tell you the truth. its always its all the guys fault. he was a total jerk and deadbeat. and acutally that may be the truth. but then…..why would you have a baby with him? because you are a white ingra who lives on instant gratification and cant think of the future. and i damn sure cant trust you.  you create life WILLY NILLY with men who would be terrible fathers! your judgment is even worse than the average womans! which is pretty goddamn bad as it is!

thats ROCK BOTTOM. when you are desperately in LUV with a single mother. I hope i NEVER get there.

especially a pregnant woman. she picks deadbeats who cant even stay around for 9 months. and why are they even putting themselves on the market when they are PREGNANT? and what kind of pathetic guy sees that and says yep thats acceptable? a rock bottom man even more desperate than I hahahahahahaha.

so he can go beat off with his own foreveralone virgin neet tears with his blut aus nord albums hahahahahaha.

no i have nothing against BaN and I would like to listen to them……if they didnt use a DAMN DRUM MACHINE.

USE REAL DAMN DRUMS. yet for 20 years and 20 albums the guy uses a blatant machine sounding drum machine. yet i can appreciate him as a good guitar player and probably good songwriter. so just play the drums YOURSELF, i will take a sloppy amateurish drum performance over a MACHINE ANY DAY. the most important thing is the drums sound good, and this guy is prob enough of a Studio Nerd to put in effort to get good sound. so just get a good sound and put in a completely amateur burzum drum performance. shit i LIKE the way varg plays drums. its NOT HARD to play in time. just fookin PRACTICE for a few hours. and the practice should be FUN, because DRUMS ARE FUN. inherently. fooking call ME up and i will do the drums even though i am the biggest amateur  and havent touched a drum set in like 8 years.

i am AUTISTIC about drums as you can see hahaha and I HATE drum machines in black metal. any kind of metal or rock. electronic drums are JUST FINE in electronic music. but elsewhere? never.

ok. had butter coffee plus a .25 scoop of protein this morning. as much as i hate to take in calories before 12 noon hahahaha.

heated up coffee in microwave so the butter actually melted hahahaha.

so now i am comparing and contrasting that woman with the woman from 2008. they were similar in that they were both very nice to me, we got along well, and they were willing to hang out with me, hahahaha.  when i first met w2015, i guess she sorta reminded me of w2008. they even looked a little alike. but as of right now, i found w2015 way qter. she had longer legs and longer hair and a bigger bottom and i liked all that very much. jeeeeeez. the less said the better. damn. sheeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeit.

but yeah in the dream i was very hot to bang the woman from 2008. and i think i got her pants off and got a glimpse of The Action, but then the dream faded out. of courshe.

anyway i hope she is married with children by now. she has to be about 30 years old by now. WOW.

and one day That Woman will be 30 too. about 4 years from now hahahaha.

sheeeeeit i wish i were 25 or 26 again and had a full 4 years to go before 30!

anyway. were these women REALLY all that similar? or did the fact that they were qt and nice to me and friends with me and we got along make me THINK they were similar.

well they had sort of similar faces. both had pale white skin. they both partook MJ and because of that seemed chill and Cool. the previous woman had a lame tattoo but it wasnt a dealbreaker.

but you develop a fondness and sense of closeness when you see a woman regularly for over a year and get along well.

oh yeah at the tech interview they (the actual tech supervisor) asked me if i understood the OSI model. I grimaced and said yeah I’d studied it in a networking class about 5 years ago but I honestly don’t remember a lot of specific. I know there are 6 to 8 layers, including the application layer and the network layer, but…..I’m sorry sir, I would have to refresh my memory on it, but I assure you I would do that very quickly. hahahahaha.

http://www.webopedia.com/quick_ref/OSI_Layers.asp

heh. yeah we covered it in muh networking class which kinda sucked. the teacher was a nice guy but he wasnt a great teacher. its HARD to be a great teacher with a topic like this. but you kinda need it because the shit is kinda obtuse. it does NOT come naturally.  it does NOT make much sense.

rejection email for 20 hour a week, 11 dollar an hour part time job at local college where i was kinda hoping to get the job and they seemed to like me. DAYUM. interview was 11 days ago.

it was a doable job, nothing glorious, but nothing that would make me ragequit, i could go there for 20 hours a week and at least HOLD DOWN SOME SORT OF JOB while looking for another job.

meanwhile that bitch works FT making 16 dollars an hour and doesnt ragequit and has already made 30k more than i have in the past year hahahahaha.

hehehehe i hate competing with women in career IN ADDITION TO essentially competing for their physical and emotional favor. now you have to make more money than them and have better career status than them too.

and it does make you feel like much less of a man when a woman whos much younger than you is doing a LOT better than you with career and making money. no WONDER she rejected you, ya damn neet loser! you cant work and make money like a real man!

sheeeeeeit that guy who i was playing phone tag with called me BACK! and i missed the call! i called him right back and got VM. sheeeeeit. so now i will call him back every 10 or 20 minutes until 5 pm hahahaha.

it is 325 right now.

i didnt expect him to call me back! after i called him back, left a voice mail, then called him again the next day. i just figured he’d call one of the other 500 applicants.

this fookin guy i used to work with fookin looked at my linkedin profile and stole some of my blurbs for HIS shit with the company!!!!!! white guy but fat as fook. he was obnoxious because of his fatness alone. he was REALLY fat. typical computer gamer who does nothign but sit at the gaming machine and eat fast food and drink soda. he had a GF but guess what, she was a fat pig too hahahahahahaha. she might have been cute if she lost at least 100 pounds too! she was young and didnt have a fat ugly face.

i only talked to him once and he was not as obnoxious as i thought he’d be hahahahaha. so i figure he’s just a decent white guy struggling, so i will let him copy and paste my paragraph hahahaha. not sure if he found a new job yet. he strikes me as not too much of a go getter. probably milked his unemployment as much as possible hahahaha. he went to a high school in a real white trash area of town, so its good he’s not a drug addicted, pill popping, tattooed eminem wannabe hahahahaha.

come to think of it, there were quite a few people from that white trash high school at this job. before working there, i had never really met anyone who went to that school.

my female former friend could have gone to a REALLY white trash high school but she somehow got school of choiced into a better high school? I think? I would have liked a chance to talk to her more about that. get to know her better hahahahaha. i hate fookin WOMEN hahahhhaha.

FINALLY. got ahold of the guy, got interview set up for tuesday 4 days from now. NOICE. number 18. unsuccessful interview number 18. got to get to 25 or so hahahaha.

entry level test technician for testing inspection and certification. testing parts. really hands on he says. did not ask about wage sheeeeeeeeeeeit.

hey dont get the hopes up hahahaha. this is ONLY the 18th interview. i got to get to at LEAST 25, 30, 40, or 50 remember hahahaha. im not lean and mean enough yet. havent paid muh dues yet.

but yeah i get SOME confidence boost from getting a new interview. and then can also get a conf boost if the interview goes ok. if the interview does NOT go ok, then i feel bad for a few days hahahaha.

of course, even if the interview goes ok and i feel good, i still know i wont get the job hahahaha.

also the place is really close too. and full time. probably at least 12 an hour hahaha.

its only 7 miles away. dayum. believe me that is huge.

today i kinda felt like going on okcupid and seeing what kinda bangable 25 year old sluts there are out there. i mean i dont want to go to a meth addicted hooker, so might as well go to a oxy addicted nihilistic skank who beleives their nihilism and hedonism is something like “i am a very LOVING person, i LOVE everybody.”

TO LOVE ALL EQUALLY IS TO LOVE NONE WELL

-t. i cant remember who, some vaguely alt right person of courshe hahaha.

ok gonna give this one a try now. i heard their first album years ago and remembered it was pretty good “atmoblack”, not all pvssy and blackgaze, yeah theyre hardcore pagans but they didnt seem like communists. also i found the fact that they were english to be interesting. maybe an anglo saxon sort of paganry hahahaha.

WOW the hr gurl who is 10 years younger than me, confirmed the phone interview finally, for monday. sheeeeit i thought she forgot about me too. well i have never had a phone interview to bomb hahahaha. i am not confident they will call me in for an in person interview.

and then i have an in person interview on tuesday.

i am not counting the phone interview as a real interview, ie, towards muh number.

so the one on tuesday (plane/car parts testing lab) is The 18th Interview. well 18 is an auspicious number in golf. maybe the 18th will be my lucky one hehehehe.

and today a guy i went to community college with 5 years ago sent me a request on linkedin. we were in an economics study group together for the one bitchy econ prof. i wonder how many econ instructors they have today. come on. like they couldnt just get some dime a dozen mba to adjunct instruct econ 101 and 102 for 15 bucks an hour hahahahaha.

oh sorry i guess they make more like 30 bucks an hour. well. hmmm. thats not bad then.

wodensthrone album was ok, good, listenable i guess hahaha. i listened to the first song, some of the second song. all long songs hahaha. and mainly listend to the fatherland.

 

THE MOTHER OF ALL NEGATIVE THOUGHTS

aug 23

sheeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeit. had a dream with small part from this tall qt young girl we used to work with. when she first came on, i was like, this girl is like a better version of that woman. prettier, younger, i should focus on her, to try to forget about that woman. who knows if she were nicer, but that woman had stopped being nice to me anyway. she seemed a LITTLE bitchy and obnoxious.

anyway the point is, ANY woman can be nice to you if they WANT, AND if a qt young woman is being NICE to you, you will forget about the other woman who was nice to you once and you cant seem to get over. its not hard or rare to be nice. they just have to be WILLING to be nice. which for me is pretty rare hahahaha.

anyway i think in the dream i was trying to muster up the courage to sit next to the qt gurl and start talking to her confidently. see if she was willing to be nice to me or a huge bitch hahahaha. ultimately i never did. well at least THAT WOMAN wasnt in the dream. and it made the point that I COULD get over her and move on from her and feel something for another woman some day, the main things is that they are young and pretty, and that they are being NICE to me. shit even a slut mudshark could get me to like her that way. an attractive woman being NICE to you goes a LONNNNNNNNNNNGGGGGGGGGGGGG way. you wouldnt even believe it. but believe me. it is a VERY powerful thing that will quickly melt your heart of ice.

and yeah it does help a lot when you find the woman attractive. vs, i dunno, do i want to settle for this possibly-unacceptable level of attractiveness, she’s not very attractive at all.

yeah i really wanted to KNOCK IT OUT OF THE PARK on the tech job interview yesterday, but I did not. I mean i didnt do super horrible, i did about average considering, but i wish they had an hour instead of 45 minutes. cuz i was rushing through every answer, couldnt quite think straight, def lost some confidence and it showed.

well they were only interviewing 3 people not 10 people, so i have a better chance, right?

is the county that busy they have to rush interviews as quickly as possible? i dont think so. my prev employer was that busy. because we were SLAMMED all day every day and kept things LEAN. now the university i really want to get into, they had hourlong plus interviews. somewhat relaxed, or least the idea they could take as long as they wanted to interview someone, and let them talk.

i dunno, just so much that doesnt make sense, doesnt add up, and you will never make sense or get your closure, and you have to accept that some things will never make sense. just let it go.

yeah but when its your JOB to make SENSE of shit….. well do you REALLY need ot make actual sense of it, or can you just BULLSHIT something to your customer or to your Team Leader. mm hmmm.

so yeah i did not knock it out of the park. also i was just caught off guard by that weird aborted interview earlier in the day.

i mean how would a normie handle that? heh normies dont even get into these situations because they are HAVES who HAVE jobs, HAVE been gainfully employed for years, HAVE a wife who gives them some effort and loyalty. hehehehe. she might bitch and nag but she hasnt LEFT them yet.

you might hate it when she bitches and NAGS and is not nice to you…..but how would you react if she just LEFT you without a word and you never heard from her again?

be happy when she nags you because it means shes not willing to LEAVE you….yet hahahahahahahaha. oh this is horrible woman worshipping white knighting. better man up guys! be THANKFUL your wife is JUST a nag!

no the woman SHOULD be MATURE about it and realize nagging never works, its passive aggressive immature bullshit…..but there you have the unrealistic expectation that a woman should be an adult, specifically should handle conflict in a rel like an adult. this is like asking uncle adi to luv the joos hahahaha. like asking ME to luv joos hahahaha. not gonna happen. i hope it never happens hahahaha.  like asking a crusader to luv the muslim swine trying to invade his europe and rape his european women.  of course thats exactly whats happening now. but these weak pathetic feminized men are not CRUSADERS in any sense! they are literal CUCKS!

unlike a REAL cuck, i never liked being cucked, or even the suggestion of. it always made me fly into a Righteous Rage, and this is the proper response, so I’m glad I still have that.

this god damn office assistant job for the trucking company KEEPS getting posted every few weeks, open for a few days, get 400 more applications, it goes away for a few weeks, comes back and get 400 more applications…..its frustrating because i want to know what the fok they are DOING here.

maybe all the thousands of people applying are desperate and they are holding out for the Perfect Candidate. well they dont want a harvard grad, they want someone super young who is currently going to harvard. not gonna happen. so they want say maybe a second year undergrad at [local univ] who is doing a useful degree, getting 4.0, is 19 or 20 years old, has VERY good people skills, is VERY attractive, but prob want a smart man who will actually get stuff done, was an eagle scout, probably the type of go getters who go to naval academy or west point, ok how about they are big at ROTC at local university then, cuz again, if they are west point, they cant work here.

so that would be their perfect candidate then: a 20 year old halfwhite attractive tall male, eagle scout, honors student at local university, ROTC, business and or engineering, very charismatic and confident and mature.

i have sent in 2 or 3 applications to this company for this job or jobs very much like it.

maybe they have a database so they can see how many times a person applied. and if you get to like 10 or 20, then you get an interview. assuming you are not the perfect candidate described above. they havent found him yet, otherwise they would fill the position and stop posting.

or maybe they fill it, and the job is so stupid, the person quits. or is fired. and they have to hire someone again. but why not just go back to the pool of 1000 applicants? because its worth it to spend the time accepting 1000 NEW applicants so you can Cultivate the strongest pool ever? why do they NEED MOAR APPLICANTS when they aleady have like 2000????!?!?!?!?!!??!?!

it will never make sense, dont try to make sense out of it, dont get angry hahahahaha.

go for powerwalk in peak sun today, call chemical testing guy when i get back. maybe my Market Value is good enough for one call, but certainly not Phone Tag.

i mean why not just email me? I’ve had interviews set up via email, no one ever talked to me for even 1 minute.

my resume has had my correct email on it for like 10 years hahahaha. he has my email.

maybe when i send in my shit for the third time for this trucking company, which i think is a subsidiary of a very shady local trucking company that has a reputation for horrible service and very unhappy customers and is probably just a front for money laundering hahahahaha. anyway i will do something disruptive with muh cover letter and really make it jump out at them and show what a value add i am, than my usual form cover letter that its obvious i am using to apply to 500 jobs. but seriously, i modify each cover letter with statements referring to the company’s mission and vision hahaha. i really do. i look up the mission and vision statement and use some marketingspeak taken from the company’s own website. i am PASSIONATE about serving the LTL Logistics needs of your clients and being on the leading edge etc.

i would say most normies go through 5 to 10 interviews before getting a decent job. they don’t know the pain of doing 20 to 30 interviews hehehehe. a more protracted, prolonged struggle. twice the rejection, twice the time.

heh imagine if i actually approached women the way i do job searching. at least with jobs i actually submit the shit and go on interviews. with women i dont even Women Search on OK cupid or whatever, go out on dates, and get rejected. i might actually have some success if i did!

called the guy from testing company again, voice mail again. i left voice message yesterday, giving him muh email address and Mobile phone number. i am not gonna leave him a second voice mail!

but yeah that stupid fake interview at the hospital, i guess that ended up really grinding my gears and discouraging me. like how could you be MORE insulting that continually rejecting me. oh. how about finally inviting me to an interview, and then essentially aborting the interview during the first question and saying i shouldnt apply to just anything because im desperate. god damn. what did they tell the black 19 year old gurl that talked like an unprivileged savage hahahaha.  well they probably said she was just perfect for this job.

i guess in order to make 11 dollars an hour i HAVE to go to walmart or mcd’s. because the places that have Boring, Stressless 11 dollar an hour part time jobs want a very specific kind of person.

so i think about that woman a lot, not as much as i used to thank god, but i know i SHOULDNT. but i cant help myself. i think about how shes doing, what shes doing with her life, not just because i was in luv with her, but because she was an actual part of my life. this comes from being friends for 3 years. then the person is GONE, and you cant help but miss them and think of them sometimes. i wonder what so and so is doing.

i am sure she has HAD to have had a few thoughts like that about me. and then what does she tell herself about that? probably something like Oh. Sigh. That was just pathetic. i guess i hope he’s doing well but he was at such a pathetic place in his life. hes got to really work on his career and not get so heartbroken over women. i mean shit hes 35 years old, he has to get a plan for his life to accomplish something. so sad. he was a nice guy but SO SAD.

well at least ive gotten over the idea that she hates me and thinks i betrayed her!!!!!

now she just goes AW. HOW SAD. SMH. nice guy, but SO SAD. So Pathetic. I hope for his sake he moves on. Ive moved on. Im doing well. he was a mess. i hope he gets the help he needs. I couldnt deal with that. he was a good friend but could you IMAGINE me and him DATING!! PSHAW! How could he GET such a ridiculous idea! what a sad, pathetic loser. sometimes you need to Let Go of those sorts of Negative People in your life.

WHAT A WAY TO BE REMEMBERED! WAY TO BE THAT GUY hahahaha.

i mean shit. if anyone deserves to be emotionally compromised its me. dont get SO emotional about someone LIKING you. just be like welp i dont return his feelings but its not the end of the world. people get feelings for each other. just like i had feelings for those other guys. it happens. its not so ridiculous or out of bounds. we were good friends and then i guess something in him changed. its pretty understandable and unsurprising.

i dunno maybe that IS what she ultimately thought. I’LL NEVER KNOW.

i might be sad and pathetic, but i dont want to be REMEMBERED LIKE THAT by people i used to be friends with. who got to know The Real Me and saw that I wasnt totally Sad and Pathetic, but a Good Person.

i had this female friend when i was younger and i never fell in luv with her, and she was always very nice to me, and she had genuine concern and whatnot for me, wanted me to find a nice woman who didnt leave me in the lurch. but i kept picking the wrong women, getting involved with the wrong women. i guess my picker is broken.

its only 50% broken at most though! soon after i picked another woman and my female friend said yeah she’s great, it would be SO CUTEEEEEEEE if you two got together, and i was like yeah see my pickers not broken, i can find a good solid woman whos not a crazy child, yes she would be great for me wouldnt she? and i indeed liked the woman and she was nice to me too, but we never got much of a chance to hang out because we never lived less than 70 miles away, then the woman moved like 500 miles away hahahaha.  if we ever lived in the same town, i would have DEFINITELY gone all in with her.

so yeah my picker is not totally fooked. indeed i still think i picked a good woman with that woman. i just had no idea she would disappoint me THIS bad.

anyway that previous female friend, she expressed concern that i was becoming a hateful neo nazi white supremist. So I Walked It Back and said naaaaahhhhh dont worry, this is just a phase, i dont hate anybody, dont worry about it, you know i investigate all this edgy transgressive shit, dont worry.  and then i went on becoming an even more avowed racist and nazi and huhwhyte supreemist hahaha, but essentially just didnt tell her about it hahahahaha. i figured it wasn’t worth losing friends over, and she was/is a great person, and i didn’t want to push her away for something she would never understand.

anyway i hope she is doing well. she was doing some kind of masters degree at a decent skool in a big important city. she will be just fine. i mean yeah i wish she’d get married already cuz she’s not getting any younger. but I remember when she was under 21! I could never date her because she has a pozzed jooish view of dating hahahaha. but we got along as friends very well believe it or not. at the time she was in a monogamous, fairly healthy relship with a man who eventually became a fairly good friend, a great guy, i got along with him really well and had quite the mancrush on him. i would be very happy if she had gotten married to him. he was a really cool guy. he was hilarious, ridiculously smart, great taste in music, really good guitar player and singer. i wish he hadnt done his phd in total marxism! he was not a phaggy feminine whiny shitlib at all. just a very kewl guy. i wish him nothing but the best. i hope he finds a nice white wife and has many brilliant white children. when you say phd at known leftist univ in jooish theory, you think of the worst type of person. but he was honestly the best type of person, and too GOOD to do what he’s doing. but at the time i was very impressed by the Intellectual Masturbation over foucault and deleuze and i dont fooking know. zizek and adorno and marcuse and pure frankfurt skool jooish trash. i knew nothing of the frankfurt skool at the time. i just liked hanging out with Real Intellectual Philosophers! but the people I knew were honestly good, great, moral people. in hindsight its disappointing they studied the degen shit they did. but they probably didnt realize it any better than i did.

applied for 6 jobs today but after like 6 days of no job apps, my numbers are DISMAL AND ABYSMAL.

anyway i will just try to forget i met with that woman on monday and had that weird, annoying abortion of an interview. just keep applying for jobs there. in fact i applied for one there today hahahaha.

my suit looks good now, but the white dress shirt is honestly a little bit BIG. maybe i am getting rejected now because the dress shirt is a little big. suits fine now, but now the shirt is fooked up hahahaha.

or maybe they can tell muh black dress shoes are 30 dollar pieces of plastic shit hahahahaha. and i am not wearing 500 dollar italian leather shoes.

maybe my plain black hanes socks are too boring hahahaha.

they are looking at my shoes and socks hahaha.

maybe i had a stray nose hair. maybe i need a haircut. i mean i am getting close to needing one. it has been 46 days. its all on muh days since spreadsheet hahahaha.

sheeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeit.

372 days since i sent the last email to that woman!

yes i definitely AM making progress, i dont think about her NEARLY as much, well i still think about her every day, but the thoughts seem a lot more distant, faded, not as vivid. one day i will be all emotioned out regarding her. and if i met a nice young qt gurl right now who was being nice and friendly to me, that would definitely help me forget all about that woman.

“make women good again” is just an old title i had laying around. basically meaning women were ONCE good, and with proper masculine leadership, we can raise a new generation of good women. but you leave women to their own devices, and they turn not good. they need the guidance and influence of strong, good men to stay on the good path. otherwise its pandoras box is opened. road to ruin. men don’t decompose or dissolve or entropy or DEGENERATE as naturally as women do. they dont need as much constraint. its JUST THE WAY IT IS. ITS NATURE. Nature NEEDS weak childlike stupid immature women so they can get pregnant as quickly and as much as possible. period. accept it. you dont have to like it. but accept it or become a foreveralone loveless virgin.

why not make women GREAT again? because i dont even need great. i just want GOOD. GOOD is GOOD ENOUGH for me. just good moral adults. lets get to GOOD first before we even THINK about “great.”

aug 24

yeah it is kinda infuriating to see the same jobs, same company, same location, being posted over and over again. you think, yeah i remember this job because it seemed like a decent entry level job that i could actually see myself doing, so it jumped out at me and i marked it APPLYYYYYYYY and i applied for it asap. now, 3, 4 weeks later, its back. i apply again if i can. sometimes it says ive already applied for the job. i actually prefer this because it means they arent getting duplicate people. but its like how many fookin applications do you need to get for this fookin job….unless you dont really plan on hiring anybody in the near future. then posting shit like this is like a perfect waifu teasing you and leading you on. i just wanted muh 12 dollar an hour full time data entry job, 8 to 5, close to home, no weekends!

heh. i kinda want that woman to experience some of this frustration and failure and rejection. not be making decent money. yeah but its a shitty phone calls cust serv job. yeah but shes probably a level 2 by now and doesnt need to answer phones. she can just give shitty advice to the people who do have to answer phones. “idk figure it out but dont escalate it.” “idk do the same thing youve been doing over and over again and maybe it will work this time” no matter if its been an hour on the call.

besides some of the level 2s still had to make calls and fix the super confusing stuff and then talk to the people about it.

i mean she doesnt have the brains to fix super confusing shit! shes not THAT smart! why should SHE be making 16 dollars an hour hahaha. she only has an ASSOCIATES degree in a field just as useless as mine! and from a 600000000 times less prestigious skool! and yet she is 14888888 years younger than me and doing 90000000 times better than me! even though shes a cowardly immature idiot race traitor white trash MJ addict!!!!!!

the voice of butthurt hahahaha. virgin wizard neet butthurt. well you would prob be butthurt too, is my point.

well at least i seem to be losing weight again. i dont really NEED to though! i have to cut the calories down to an unhealthy 1100 a day hahahaha. its ridiculous because i LUV food and i LUV to eat.

but yeah. sheeeeeeit. monday should have been a good day with the two interviews but it really kinda sucked and both interviews sucked. my vril was compromised by the first weird interview, then i performed shitty in the second interview, where i really really wanted to dig deep and do super well, and i did not. i mean i didnt do super bad….but just doing average or ok is really MEDIOCRE and I wanted to be SUPER GOOD. not just average, because average is not gonna get that fairly awesome job. for that job, i would totally answer the phones 50% of the shift. maybe even 60%.

heh i really SHOULD start LIFTING. they say it really IS good for testosterone, confidence, and i need those things like i need the air i breathe. because i am at a deficit. i dont have Confidence Privilege. its not part of my Head Start that confident normies get hahahahaha.

heh. really my severe lack of confidence pretty much cancels out all the white privilege i have hahahaha. white, male, good family, all the opportunities in the world. my confidence and i guess energy level and will are just THAT weak.

sheeeeeeit. if that first interview would have gone better, then the second interview might have gone better. and the second interview was the one that REALLY MATTERED. this is why i dont like 2 interviews in 1 day hahahaha. i mean at least i can say i DID it, like a real bigboy, youre not a human being if you havent done 2 interviews in 1 day, but still. i fooked up the important one and i am not happy about that.

it wasnt even a specific mistake. it was just seeming nervous and on edge and coming from a position of WEAKNESS and DESPERATION. also i struggled to think of the most in depth case of PC troubleshooting I had done. i guess i could try to meditate on that.

well at least i have been good about not looking up that woman on linkedin. well she would SEE that I visited her profile. unless she has it on limited privacy. in which case i wouldnt see her name if she visited MY profile. not gonna lie, i kinda want her to visit my profile, because it would prove ot me that she is thinking about me. as i am thinking about her every damn day and cant stop.

yeah i think about her FREQUENTLY, but the INTENSITY is definitely lower. the vividness, the power. that is honestly a signif improvement.

so yeah its kinda creepy to think about her every day…..but ive thought about her every day since it happened and at least the thoughts are less awful, less intense, less vivid, less important, less severe. tbh that is great and i am thankful for the progress. but it will still be a while before i can go a whole day without thinking of her at all! at least another year!

went to dsw shoe store, they had some good stuff on the website, but at the actual store, it sucked balls. everything was too expensive and they didnt have the things i liked on the website. i left without wasting any money hehehehe. thankfully the sales people were not aggressive and sleazy. a combination of young kids and downsized middle aged white men with masters degrees from second tier schools and 20 years of experience at second tier companies hahaha.

no the employees were fine, the store was clean and everything, they just did not match up with the website very well. i was considering getting a pair of Plain Black Crocs but they had very few Crocs, and they were brown. come on.

well time to get back on the horse. but i am thinking its gonna be more like 25 interviews rather than 20 interview before i finally get a job hahaha. at 30 i officially start getting Discouraged hahaha.

thats what i should have said to the hospital people. no, i’m not desperate, i’m DISCOURAGED. theres a difference. Actually there isnt hahahahahaha. well yes there is: discouraged dont even apply to jobs or go on interviews. so yes i AM desperate. i am just trying not to use that word.

heh. i should have never left muh job in late 2013. but me and THAT WOMAN were talking alot about jobs and she could get us in at this ridic job. i said, welp, ive been here too long and i need to force myself to do something new, and this just fell into my lap, kinda a sign from GOD, might as well listen to GOD. and then i went with her to the new job and the new job sucked and my relship with her went down in flames and the job went down in flames and now i have been a big neet loser for over a year hahahaha and cant get another job.

if i had just stayed in my comfort zone, none of this horrible shit would have happened hahahahaha.

before everything went wrong with her though, i thought well this is good. she is helping me GROW and DEVELOP and get OUT of my comfort zone and actually DO something with my life. and it turned out to be a huge shit sandwich hahaha. i wish i hadnt done it. i could still be makin 11 grand a year at the old place hahahaha.

yet if the county job called me back and said you got the job, that would change my whole life. 180. i would go from neet loser to gainfully employed winner. i would go from being too shitty for a gurl like her, to being way too good for a piece o white trash like her. its stupid our stupid jobs have such power over our lives like that. and how we view ourselves, and how OTHERS view us too.  but thats just the way it is. you can get butthurt about it and be a neet virgin loser the rest of your life, or you can accept it, and work hard to become a white winner.

never buy an epson xp 200 printer, or probably any “reasonably priced” epson printer, becuase they will totally joo you with the ink cartridges.

  1. the cartridges dont print a lot. like maybe 200 pages for 1 black cart which is 13 dollars.
  2. they only print with epson brand, not store brand made to be copatible witn epson.
  3. if you run out of blue OR yellow OR cyan, you cant even print in Black Only. even if you have a full black cart.

fook epson, those joos.

trump is getting a lot of blowback and his approval rating is probably at or near its lowest, and the media is even suggesting that hillary will win by 9 points. times are tuff. dismal.

an official story on fox news tv on the alt right. jared taylor being approached by fox joos. and of course milo phaggopolis. jared taylor is all right but milo is cancer hahaha. anyway i guess this is what they are saying are the leaders of the alt right hahaha. well we all know NATT is the TRVE leader of the alt right hahahaha.  but supposedly shillary is supposed to make a speech soon directly talking about the alt right.

i mean this is basically My Movement. its what i identify as being a part of. i consume something TRS related mostly every day.

i dont mind being lumped in with jared (tho he needs to stop cucking for da joos) but i do not want to be lumped in with that degen subverter milo. into the OVEN he goes.

contacted about phone screen by company HR. turns out woman is 9-10 years younger than me and went to alma maters Main Rival where she is a True Fan. OOSH. these are the type of idiots i am supposed to be the manager of hahaha. now i am trying to kiss the ass of Children who went to the school that our school saw as Goofus to our Gallant! kissing the ass of Idiot Children so I can get a $12 to $16 dollar an hour job hahahahaha. she didnt have to do that because she had a better resume, including internships and study abroad, so she was able to start her career immediately after college like a good successful normie. clearly she didnt have any Emotional Problems hahahahahahahaha.

http://pastebin.com/wTMfXxcF

Make Up Your Mind — Am I Overqualified Or Underqualified? via @forbes http://www.forbes.com/sites/lizryan/2016/08/23/make-up-your-mind-am-i-overqualified-or-underqualified/#24a6060f62e7

possibly interesting “advice.” make sure you write them a BUSINESS PAIN LETTER!!!!! i forgot about PAIN POINTS!!!!!

what happens if you cant help any businesses pain points hahahahaha.

fookin pain points. kiss mah ass.

http://www.forbes.com/sites/lizryan/2016/08/09/five-red-flags-that-scream-dont-hire-this-person/2/#509dbd4b7a7a

heh yes she IS “AN HR PERSON” hahahaha. by god these women exist. the woman who just emailed me is definitely one. the one that emails me about county job and sits in at my county job interviews is definitely one. perky, bubbly women that like to be smart college grad young professionals. shit the county hr woman is SIX years OLDER than me and she still looks GOOD! she almost looks younger than ME!

they are usually in good shape. they are usually friendly and have high verbal intelligence. but I would not trust any of these women for ONE SECOND in a Relationship.

they seem like big sluts and catladies who could rationalize anything and eventually lose interest in all but the top 1% of alpha men, probably the Upper Managers and Directors they are working to Source Talent To.

they get bachelors degrees specifically in human resources or communications or Talent Acquisition or Organizational Studies.  sometimes even from rather respectable state schools. second tier schools as opposed to third tier toilets like….. McAllen City State University or something. East Kansas City University. not a tenth tier toilet like Phoenix or something, and really, perfectly fine normie schools which I should have gone to because I could have gotten a god damn full ride scholarship. but i thought, noooooo, i can get into the PRESTIGIOUS school. meanwhile MANY people who went to that “shitty” local university were i could have gotten a full ride, are MUCH MUCH MUCCHHHHHHH more successful than me. at a much younger age hahahaha.

lotta regrets. shoulda done a lot differently. cant believe i wasted at least 33% of my life so far hahahaha.

ok i think i may end up liking the other gris album a bit better, at least early on, than their 2013 album . that bass sound is just too much to handle right now. i need more prominent guitar. and thankfully their singer sounds about as good on this 2007 album too. want something a little more blatantly balck metaly.

and DONT FORGET their 2006 or 5 album “neurasthenie” or something when they were known as niflheim (not to be confused with nifelheim hahahaha)

although 2 hourlong albums in 2 years seems like a lot…..but then they took a 6 year break. i wonder what kind of shitty jobs these guys work hahahaha. do they have degenerate tattoos. do they do drugs or drink. do they cheat on their GFs. are they neet virgins who live with their moms like me hahahahahahahaha.

i was driving yesterday and looked in the rearview and there was a 50 year old white man driving with two dogs in the car and it really looked like he was Smokin a J

good god i folded but if i had stayed in i would have gotten QUADS. 88 hole cards, no 8’s on the flop, and then turn and river were 8 and 8. sheeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeit.

anyway he was smokin a J and i got a good feeling from that. because he looked like a total normie and not a huge degenerate. if it were some black thug smoking a blunt, i would think DEGENERATE. GET OUT OF MUH TOWN. or some white trash covered in tattoos. but when it was a normie middle aged white guy, that was ok.

interesting reaction. so is MJ INHERENTLY degenerate? i mean its definitely risky. very few people can smoke it WITHOUT being degenerate. a lot of whites who do smoke it are degen. so i can really ADVOCATE it. except for myself. and for white winners. which i am not!!!!

also smokin it while driving is prob a bad idea. but so many Stoners do just that. smoke and drive all the damn time. I cant BELIEVE this doesnt cause ANY accidents. stoners that would be horrified at drinking and driving smoke and drive EVERY DAY.

IMHO this is wrong. i think it prob does impair your driving. of course i sm0ked and drove a decent number of times. because i was selfish and nihilistic and thought i was above the law and that i’d never get caught, just like i thought when driving DRUNK. and i drove DRUNK many times and eventually was caught. served me right. i shouldnt have driven SO drunk SO many times. but you know when you s0ke a ton of MJ and your heart is racing and it feels like you are running in a dream, quicksand, how can you possibly drive normally.

i mean yeah its probably BETTER for driving than being RAGING drunk. obviously a lot of that DUI stuff is revenue generation for the city and county. and the fines and sentences for DUI should be laxer like they were in the 70s hahahaha. and they should expunge that from your record at least.

hmmm should i go to this opeth show. last time i was going to see them was they were touring with katatonia for the heritage album. that album sucked but i like katatonia and it seemed a good idea to see both bands in this venue with some friends. we got there and it was SOLD OUT before we could get tickets. that was pretty disappointing. shit that was at least 5 years ago.

i never listened to the album they did after heritage but i hear it was a lot better. now they have this new album “sorceress” which isnt even OUT yet.

akerfeldt said some of the record was inspired by luv gone wrong, problems he had with women, but nothing in particular? i was hoping it was something in particular, like a bad breakup with his WIFE, the mother of his children. i know he got married like 10+ years ago and had some kids, but he could be divorced by now.  maybe he is a huge deadbeat and how the hell can he be a good father while touring all the time. but he doesnt tour all the time.  i dunno. i hope he’s not a deadbeat, for the sake of his children. i am sure he is not alt right or racially woke though.

but he is determined enough to make his music his career, and that is NOT easy. he does VERY well. he can support himself and his family.

but 99% of musicians are degenerates! i just want some reassurance that he is a good father, cuz thats all that matters. matters a lot more than any music hes made in the past 15 years hahahahahahaha.

now i remember when damnation came out in 2002 or 03. that was EXCITING. hahahaha.

or spine chilling moments on old albums like orchid or my arms your hearse. for a while i thought my arms your hearse was the best album ever. it is still a great album.

blackwater park. also a great album. no joke.

never did a PHONE interview before. maybe its a german thing. oh yeah its a german company that does tech stuff for cars. infotainment computers and shit. much better than the asians who do a similar thing.  i will work for whites but not yellows hahahaha. speaking of those yellows never called me back for a second interview! i was starting to warm up to the idea of that job.

it would be great to do shitty on the 15 minute phone interview and then never get invited in for an actual interview.

actually 15 minute phone interview, i can see how that could be very useful. you do get a better sense of the person when you are actually talking to them. well…..maybe. maybe. i mean…..do i do better on the phone or in person? i think for interviews…..well shit. when i was doing my old job, taking phone calls, in those circumstances, i would have rather talked to my callers face to face. then i felt they might be nicer to me. but when they are evaluating you for a job….well you want them to be nice too!

but at the same time, i feel the same information you can get from a 45 minute interview can be gotten from a 15 minute phone call. then you feel less pressure definitely.

where are all the fookin entry level 14 dollar and hour fulltime jobs? why does everything have to be a damn big important 40k or 50k job?

where are the ENTRY LEVEL jobs?

this job was described as kind of an entry level job.

fook. my confidence is just pretty low after that clusterfook of 2 bad interviews on one day.

and now i feel like i have crossed the rubicon, that i have officially been unemployed for SO LONG, that i am like CANCER to any employer. they might be able to overlook a gap of 3 months. maybe 6 months. but not a god damn YEAR.

well george feels’s dad got a job after THREE year gap. but he was a Medical Doctor in ukraine hahahaha. was he really a medical doctor tho? and why isnt george smoking legal MJ???

so i will be sitting there in the interview just thinking about THE GAP. talk about a confidence KILLER.

becomes a vicious circle. people wont hire you because the GAP is too long. then you go on interview after interview after interview. get hopes up, get discouraged. 15 interviews. 20 interviews. 25 interviews. 350 applications. 400 applications. 500 applications. 9 months. 12 months. 14 months. 16 months. see what i mean?

instead of getting hopeful, like yep keep plugging away and be determined and good things will happen, power thru those 25 interviews and you will get there eventually…….. those optimistic thoughts begin to be countered with

THE MOTHER OF ALL NEGATIVE THOUGHTS:

THE LONGER YOU STAY UNEMPLOYED, THE WORSE YOU LOOK TO EMPLOYERS.

The LESS of a chance you have to get a job. sure, persistence is good, but not good ENOUGH to cancel out the effect of TIME, the lengthening GAP, making your value WORSE and WORSE and WORSE.

well i guess the REAL mother of all negative thoughts is, i have to K self right now hahahahaha. thank GOD i dont get that.

For me, its more like

I CANT HANDLE THIS I NEED TO QUIT MUH JOB RIGHT NOW

hahahahahahahahahaha.

thats not as bad as k’ing yourself. but you do flush an ENTIRE FOOKING YEAR of you LIFE down the CRAPPER. gone with NOTHING to show for it.

well thats not true. i have done like 40 hours of work on this job search hahahaha.

CORRECTION: i have done 33 hours of job APPLYING fron july 1 to aug 24. that does NOT count time looking for jobs, which DOES take time which i have not measured, and does not measure the 230 jobs before i started The Spreadsheet. ok, thats 230 jobs times 12.6 minutes per application, div by 60 to get hours, well there’s 48.3 hours of applications, plus 33, sheeeit thts like 81 hours of applying since april. well, march 28 i really started. almost 5 months ago hehehehe. 5 months to get 81 hours? WEAK! should be 40 hours a week every week! 160 hours a month!

well im just buttmad that people in 1975 didnt have to put in 80 hours of jobsearching jsut to find an average job.

also lets count 17 hours for 17 interviews hehehehehe. and about 40 hours for FINDING the jobs. so really i am at 137 hours hehehehe.

REALLY I should time my sessions of FINDING the jobs. JUST FINDING, NOT applying. like do it in 30 minute chunks because it is worse than mind numbing, it is mind and soul destroying hahahahaha.