13 DOLLARS AN HOUR

aug 31

sheeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeit.

http://pastebin.com/xUh6Djef

put this in sidebar, i want to caputre the worst article ever AND a few hundred comments

nymag open marriage cuckoldry article by sonmore

INFAMOUS

http://pastebin.com/67FxT9wi

here is the sequel / follow up with the man and his “wife.”

the first article is timeless, classic, godawful, and i will put it in the sidebar As A Ghastly Monument (Ruins of Beverast reference/credit.)

i might be moving Towards A New Cover Letter Hermeneutic where the new Way is really to hit them HARD with a Fully Tailored, Individualized First Paragraph that cups their balls and sucks their dick and appeals to their mission and demonstrates my passion for their company and how i can add value and increase profitability by specifically matching the requirements of the specific job, in the culture of this specific company, addressing these particular pain points, and why i am THE SINGLE BEST CANDIDATE out of millions, and this, and no others, IS my Dream Career.

in other words, REALLY step up my Tailoring of the CL. I tailor the CL a TINY bit, changing a few words or sentences each time. so, do more than that.

also, attempt to aim for the Average Salary of my state, and NOT the whole US, which is 28k, and my state is a LITTLE below that.

yeah 12 to 16 is a ridiculous range to give. i should just say 12 to 14.

or 12 to 13 hahahaha.

people who have college careers and make 40k + cringe at talk like this. they never mention numbers. i mention numbers ALL DAY.

yeah i guess i used to think it was VULGAR too. but now I just think its Keeping It Really Real. How Much Does The Market Say You Are Worth?

no its not the sum total of Who You Are…..but it DOES tell me a LOT about what Your Employer thinks you are Worth, and What Kind of Life you live, and probably the type of people you associate with.

(People tend to associate with people who make about the same amount of MONEY as they do. So I feel a little weird when people who make WAY MORE MONEY than I do, huge winners, invite me to hang out with them. Of course I accept the invitation graciously.)

so yeah fook this 15 dollars an hour bullshit. i am willing to pay my dues and make 13 dollars an hour like the people in muh subaverage state. those fancy phaggots in joo york and phag phagcisco can take their 15 dollars an hour and pozz each others assholes with it. besides in those cities it costs 600000k per month to live in a one room shack tiny house, and it costs 90000000$ for a package of ramen. no thanks.

if a man is complaining about COMMUNICATION all the time, and his wife/gf is never WILLING to COMMUNICATE, and she’s always SHUTTING ME OUT, and so DISTANT, and putting up a WALL, she has to be willing to COMMUNICATE, well then thats him signalling that HE has HUGE communication issues, he’s projecting, HE’S really the one who doesnt know how to COMMUNICATE hahahaha.

i was watching married at first sight and derek was complaining about his distant, unwilling, stubborn, bitchy horrible (but very bangable) wife, who simpyl would not give him a chance. he is kinda a douchebag but he had some GREAT points about communication, where I nodded my head vigorously and said YES. YASSSS. THIS. SO MUCH THIS.

and hes also right that she is no spring chicken at 33, but my god she has a very fookable ass hahahahahahaha. she has to be in the top 10% of attractiveness for 33 year old women. I would DESTROY her.

and this derek is a pretty masculine man too, i’m sure he would destroy her too, but thats how stubborn she is. she probably would have gladly let him destroy her 5 years ago. now im not sure what she wants. probably a total beta bucks sort of guy. she probably WANTS the total doormat that says anything you want hunny. but i have to wonder, who does she want For SECS, at this moment? she’s always gonna want the masculine guy for secs. so why not have secs with her masculine husbando derek?

unless she’s such a sleazebag that she needs TWO or more men. alpha fooks, beta bucks, and never the twain shall meet. i guess she’s never experienced a best of both worlds alpha who is masculine AND makes a ton of money. but  she’s hawt enough to pull such a man (albeit not necessary without sharing him), and doesnt she meet plenty of powerful men as a Stewardess? like the powerful alpha men in First Class and such?

so yeah i am most fascinated in this couple. then sonia and nick a distant second, and i dont really care about the third couple hahahaha.

basically a 33 year old woman with no children is guaranteed to be SUPER CRAZY. her body is telling her to have a baby RIGHT NOW BEFORE ITS TOO LATE and you have to keep that in mind. i guess its ok if you want to have a baby right now too. but its gonna be real hard to have MULTIPLE babies with this woman. she shoulda started having babies AT LEAST TEN YEARS AGO.

fulton sheen on difference between BAD, and EVIL.

 

hilarious first hour with moishe, not sure if florian mentions the sheen story in this one though

start at 1:47:00. this is exactly where florian makes the point about fulton sheen. this is probably the single best episode of nationalist review EVAR: a full hour of moishe being absolutely ridiculous, natt being natt, a bit by “degenerate dan”, a full discussion and reading of that horrendous nymag cuckold article, AND florian uses that to introduced sheen’s point:

that a bad man simply does bad things, sins, like lie, cheat, steal, hurt, kill.

but a truly EVIL man actively and intentionally works to undermine truth, beauty, and goodness ITSELF. true evil seeks to portray vice as virtue. like the cuckold husband who does disgusting mental gymnastics to portray his cuckoldry as True Luv for his wife. true evil just makes a disgusting mockery of truth, beauty, and goodness.

i didn’t actually hear sheen’s actual story, just florian describing it. but i’ve seen plenty of sheen, and he is pretty badass, and the more i hear of florian, the more i like/luv him. he is possibly the new fulton sheen for 2016 alt right. and he is a very young man, like 23 years old. AND he is in seminary to become a catholic priest. AND he is alt right and joo wise and insanely, autistically smart. AND he has created a better joo character than morrakiu, with moishe the mossad handler.

ok florian is definitely in contention to be man of the year 2016 hahahahaha. i sort of wish he wasn’t becoming a priest so he could have white children. but I like the idea of a 1488 catholic priest too.

shit i would say become a priest and have children ANYWAY. let them kick you out.

actually i think you can become a priest AFTER you have children.

florian should def have children. but I very much appreciate him being a MAN OF GOD.

his regular voice is a little autistic, but he is SUCH a great awesome guy it doesnt even matter. this guy is SO good.

https://en.wikiquote.org/wiki/Fulton_J._Sheen

so yeah. listen to that whole episode. if its not SHUT DOWN by the time this post posts. im downloading that shit again.

the best thing ive heard lately that isnt the fatherland hahahaha. well it does have ryan from the fatherland and i luv him too. great, great men. I would LUV to go to a trs convention and meet these guys.

https://radio.therightstuff.biz/2016/08/31/the-daily-shoah-100-ep-88-part-13-of-14-a-hundred-a-hundred-twenty-episodes/

millennial woes on the new daily shoah!!! (100th episode!) NOICE!! I hope he uses some N words and K words and F words and such and isnt such a nice guy hahaha. i dont think hes even been on the shoah before. ITS ABOUT TIME.

sept 1

had weird dream that i was a Rookie Police Officer just starting out, getting On The Job Training from the guys, and I was very quickly On The Verge Of A Nervous Breakdown, and was very anxious like, whoa guys, i think i’m in over my head, i don’t think im TOUGH ENOUGH to handle this, maybe i’m not cut out for this job, maybe I should quit, I mean really, I dont have it in me! you need a tougher guy!

and the guys were all tough but also generally in favor of me not quitting I think, or they would disrespect me as an inferior pvssy if i quit, and were like, yeah its tough at first, but you just gotta TOUGHEN UP, gotta TUFF GET GOING, gotta not let it bother you, power through it, etc and other platitudes.

i think for most Cops though there is better training than what i experienced in the dream. like when you pay 20 grand to go to Police Academy, that’s where they train you for like 12 weeks hehehehe on all the aspects of being a Cop.

also cops get ongoing paid training because of like lawsuits and shit. peoples lives are at stake, its one of those jobs, like doctors and nurses and shit. lives are in your hands. people could die, and that means million dollar lawsuits, thus you implement official training pogams to Cover Your Ass.

unlike some companies where you dont need to cover your ass so much, and you can Screw and Joo customers with impunity, so it DOESNT MATTER if your people are trained. and the advice from management is, do what you need to do to get them on their way and make/save time and money.

thankfully i never had to Upsell Add On Products and shit. but the employees I was Supporting sure did. and they were generally as poorly trained as we were, and there they were talking to the ACTUAL customers. pressured by THEIR managers to try to sell the customers shit they REALLY didnt need, and also not understanding the products. yet trying to sell them. to people who didnt need them. when the products themselves were overpriced shady bullshit that were thoroughly jooish to the core. buy this extra advanced warranty goy. just in case. only 50 dollars more. just in case of a worst case scenario.

also the company was in general, dying. there is talk the company will be sold. but its a publicly traded company with shareholders. can you have a reverse IPO where a once public company becomes privately held again? i guess you can do esoteric shit with stock buybacks or stock splitting or something.

i guess theoretically the stock price could go SO low, and then there are Equity Firms who might gobble up a Majority Ownership of the company.

i dont know, I don’t have an MBA, I only have like 25 credits of Business Classes, hahahahaha.

which is more than Average, 13 dollar an hour normies have!

but you can also get an ok business sense from working at a company for a few years and just talking to people.

at my company, there was tons of rumors and speculation, among the more savvy people like me, that were even interested in speculation about why was the company doing this, rather than being like idk ikr lol weed lmao.

people like me who were frustrated and wanted to understand why the company and our department was such an egregious, backwards, shameful, disorganized, mismanaged clusterfook, and how it could be improved. well, more training, more actual legit experts who knew what they were doing, more time and money, more quality people actually improving actual quality, more testing, more actual listening to customers, much better executive management who understood the importance of IT as being more than just a Cost Center, etc.

standard!

but yeah its just horribly frustrating to have an angry, stressed person pushing you to fix their problem, because youre supposed to be the expert, fixing problems is your job, and you have no idea what you’re doing, and you look like you don’t know what you’re doing, becuase you really don’t, and you can’t appeal to a Subject Matter Expert in a way that is actually useful for either you or the customer. Most customers would be jsut fine if you said, wow, this is a pretty complex problem, here’s Joe Flabeetz, he’s been here for 2 years and really knows what he’s doing, Joe is great. its much worse when you say, i dont know what to do, let me talk to Joe, and then you “talk” to Joe in a shitty chat room where he is helping 20 other lost souls like you, telling you stuff that doesnt make sense. then you go back to the customer and try to do that thing, and explain it.  NATURALLY, UNDERSTANDABLY, they wonder, can’t you just get Joe over here? he clearly knows what he’s doing, you clearly don’t, so just get him on the case.

but one does not simply just get a SME on the case. because they are just as busy as we are and are not gonna escalate a case without a fight.

you could probably turn newbies into SME’s quicker with REGULAR TRAINING. but again, thats millions of dollars for people who want to get out of here ASAP anyway. or they can just go mad and snapquit like me hahahaha.

it all makes perfect sense: DONT SPEND MONEY IF YOU DONT ABSOLUTELY HAVE TO.

the company can afford to not support their employees, shit they can afford to some extent to provide shitty, overpriced, screwjob jooish service to their customers. anything you can get away with. no exchanges, no refunds. all sales final. don’t like it, complain to the better business bureau bitches. don’t like it, do this shit yourself or go to our competitors.

see thats going too far though! why would you knowingly push your customers towards your competitors?

AND THATS WHY THE COMPANY IS FAILING. it used to be a successful, reputable company. now it is a sinking ship and more people can’t ignore that.

so yeah, i think a large part of why my experience was SO NEGATIVE was the culture of the company, being a large “big dog” old school company that was starting to fail on a massive scale. i mean they will implement retarded changes on a daily basis, yet be so Entrenched that they wont implement the actual Radical change needed. just do stupid spazzout bandaid fire putout bullshit. nothing meaningful, nothing that is good for the long term. short term only.

heh. that woman didnt care. she was just like go with the flow, dont let it bother you, dont bother me about it, i dont care, idk lol, dude weed lmao.

i mean women are not well equipped to have logical, sensible, reasonable, insightful thoughts about Business anyway……… but with all these educated women in careers, i think they can at least go through the motions of talking about business.

well, we did not have alot of those type of women in our department hahaha.

so i’m saying i prefer a more business savvy woman?

NO….i don’t even prefer a more intelligent woman. shit she was intelligent ENOUGH. i think she COULD have been taught to be more business savvy, not that she needed be…..

sheeeeeeeeeeeeeeit, really I just wanted her to talk to me more, be nicer to me, and just have a HALFWAY decent conversation about Our Jobs and Our Company!!!!!!! don’t you have an OPINION on this retardation! it affects you as much as it affects me! and she probably DID have an opinion! she just didnt want to talk to me any more. and i was very upset about that. her withdrawing from me and building a huge wall.

so yeah that was deffo the root issue hahahaha.

and I was very frustrated because I was aware of that root issue, and trying to resolve it, and getting NOWHERE, because I needed cooperation and willingness from her, and she refused to get it.

lets meet, lets sit at the table together, talk, and try to MAKE A DEAL. lets negotiate and compromise and both leave unhappy hahahahahahahahaha. and i was sitting at the table all day waiting for her to show up, and she just no called no showed the whole time.

so yeah that why i was very upset hahahaha.

dont just say dont let it bother you. get a thicker skin. believe me I would love to.

now, I had great conversations with a couple of my male friends at the job, and we all should have been promoted to level 3 and never have to take a call ever again hahahaha. make 18 bucks an hour hahaha.

i wasnt asking her to be as insightful as us, i just wanted her to give SOME effort into thinking about this. i mean it was stupid NOT to have righteous indignation over it, and to just say dont let it bother you, and smoke MJ. you can smoke MJ and still have opinions about this ridiculousness! and partially i was JEALOUS of her ability to DISCONNECT from the job like that, do it so Coolly, yet still miraculously do a “good” job and be liked by everyone. well yeah she was a likeable person hahahaha.

ishould probably give agalloch a second try. should i listen to the above album or “the mantle.” i was torn. i went to youtube and tried to compare the Productions, which one sounded better. they both sounded pretty close but maybe this one has a 5% stronger guitar sound. also, i technically tried listening to “the mantle” like 4 years ago and i was like, yeah this is ok, but i guess im not in the mood for something like this.

i guess now at least i am in the mood to give them a try again. i guess i want something thats like beautiful atmospheric black metal, but very melodic and very easy to listen to, with immediately catchy riffs and melodies and songs. but without being so NEW that it gets TOO much into “post rock” or “blackgaze”. something old enough that it was around when I was young and actually interested in music. the mantle came out in 2002, which is right in my wheelhouse yearwise, this one came out in 2006, when i had stopped caring about music, well, thats not true. i recall i was keeping up on the current work of katatonia and goatwh0re. but not being super duper into it, or into anything. lots of drinking. damn. increasing amounts of drinking. stupid. i stopped caring about new music, or music in general, some dark days.

so 2002 was really a much better year for me music wise than 2006…..but ive already heard a bit of the mantle, and if i like ashes against the grain, i’ll try the mantle. also the mantle is like 68 minutes long, which is way too long for an album. ashes is 59 minutes. still way too long, but better than 68.

and of course in 2014 and much of 2015 i was not interested in music so much either, because worrying about the job, or i was devastated by my loss and failure hehehehe. so i guess ive rebounded to a kind of peak right now of interest in music, as in trying to find NEW music, which is remarkable, cuz much of the time i like to Build A Wall and say yep ive got more than enough music thank you, dont need any new stuff. there’s nothing good left out there. its all hipster phaggot degenerate bullshit. theres plenty of stuff  from before 2000 i havent listened to yet.

and its FINE to close the ranks and circle the wagons….but i dont want to do that more than half of the time. i would always like to be SOMEWHAT open to new music.

and agalloch i think is right in line with stuff that i have enjoyed. like when i was young i enjoyed opeth a lot, i still enjoy their older stuff, and i have always enjoyed “in the woods….” a norwegian sorta black metal group from the 90s that was atmospheric and progressive and avant garde when those things werent NEARLY as cool as they are now.

heh like the other day i wanted to listen to hammerfall and i only ended up listening to the first two songs on the album. and that album was only like 40 minutes. perfect length.

went to jcpenneys. it was a mixed bag. i had high hopes.  saw some beautiful high school girls in there with their Moms for Back 2 Skool shopping. nothing wrong with a 35 year old man ogling 16 year old gurls hahahahahaha.  at that age you really want to Protect and Provide for them, and you would Happily swear an oath to their Faithful Fathers that you would not bang them until they are 18, or if the father really wanted grandchildren, then you could have him sign off for age 17, and you would promise to not frivolously divorce her hahahahahaha. and she would promise to not frivorce YOU really.

so yeah you dont look at the beautiful 16 year old gurl and say “yeah id like to pump and dump that trashwh0re, ride hard and hang them up wet” the way you would say about a 30 year old skank. you say “damn i wouldnt mind MARRYING that gurl and having her be the mother of my children. Assuming she’s not ALREADY a huge slut. Let’s have a talk with her father.”

90s and 00s metal. that was my thing. i’m not sure i even lasted 10 good years. but 1996 to 2003 for sure might have been my best years.

in terms of The West, those were not great years. especially 96 to 2001 hahahaha. the late 90s was the high of nihilism and decadence and degeneracy where shit was probably just as bad as it is NOW, except people were more despairing. shit was BAD, although things werent AS Sexualized, and attitudes about Gays were definitely a bit better. but there was nothing to hold onto. there was no alt right. there was no hope for the youth, which i was one. the music was especially shitty. it reflected the nihilism and lack of general quality perfectly. stuff like groove metal and nu metal and korn. well at least there was a ton of catchy alternative pop type stuff. i shoulda got into that more at the time.

there seemed to be much less red pilled young people then. people were not waking up fast enough.

and i do think 911 in 2001 was a bigass paradigm shift, the beginning of a new era, a time of awakening. the sleeping nihilist giant awakens and then stumbles around in confusion for about 10 more years hahahaha. trying to shake off that nihilism and sense of no purpose. trying to figure out what was going on and what to do about it.

for me at least, the internet did not become a HUGE thing until after 2000. from like 98 to 00 we used slow dialup shit and i was already a degenerate, looking at jooish filth and actually reading Erotic Stories. which I guess is slightly less jooish. playing doom and quake. writing ridic stories of me finding a Nice GF and having a traditional monog longterm rel at age 15 hahahaha. see, my main goal was not degenerate.

http://rateyourmusic.com/customchart?page=1&chart_type=top&type=album&year=1990s&genre_include=1&include_child_genres=1&genres=Metal&include_child_genres_chk=1&include=both&origin_countries=&limit=none&countries=

hahahaha i have been looking at these goddamn RYM lists for like a month straight trying to find the perfect album to listen to

like here is the best metal (incl all subgenres) for the 90s.

http://rateyourmusic.com/customchart?page=1&chart_type=top&type=album&year=1996&genre_include=1&include_child_genres=1&genres=Metal&include_child_genres_chk=1&include=both&origin_countries=&limit=none&countries=

you can also put in an exact year like 1996 hahahahahaha

also i wanted to say that listening to the daily shoah for the first time in a while (well i did listen when fatherland jim guest hosted a few weeks ago), is that i must remind myself not to forget how powerful mike enoch is. i mean he is really smart and just says the most interesting, smartest, most awesome things. i guess its easy to forget because his voice is ridiculous and he sounds like seth roganblatt. but the things he says are just amazing. here he is doing a 80 hour work week, hasn’t had time to read the news or do anything but work his tech job, and he comes onto TDS and is pretty high energy and very very solid and convincing in the things he was saying, just having very very good conversations where he is contributing most of the quality.

not to crap on seventh son or special guest millennial woes, but yeah this is enoch’s show and he is very very good at what he does. needs to trim down the number of people so he can dominate the conversation any more. him, SS, and MW would have been ideal.

heh i saw my confirmation email for applying to a part time job, and thought OH NO THATS THE FASTEST REJECTION EMAIL EVER!! and then laughed when i realized it was just the CONFIRMATION email that they had received my application. awesome job though hahahahaha. 30 hours a week, 15 dollars an hour, right when i have officially announced that 13 dollars is my new goal, that 15 is out of my league hehehehe.

ITS OFFICIAL. MY PRICE HAS OFFICIALLY GONE DOWN TO 13 DOLLARS AN HOUR. THAT IS MY WORTH AS A HUMAN BEING. hahahaha. no silly, that’s just my worth to the MARKET of human beings!!!!!

at the gas station today I saw a white man arguing pretty rudely with the poor clerk making 9 hourly. i couldnt see the clerk because they were in this little glass booth. it was one of those gas stations that doesnt even have an inside, and the cashier is in a tiny booth/shack. there was a huge line behind this white guy who….i couldnt tell what was going on. it sounded like he was getting charged 36 dollars when he disputed it and thought he should be charged 26, and he wasn’t gonna pay a penny more. he was maybe early 30s and had a stupid mohawk like haircut and tattoos all over his arms. good job. i really hope the clerk was not white, but even if they WERE nonwhite, they didn’t deserve this kinda treatment, and I was a bit ashamed that a fellow white man could be such a dickhead to a poor miserable gas station clerk. Whites are supposed to be Polite Customers. its blacks and arabs who are Asshole Customers.

I thought about going up to the clerk and apologizing hahahahaha. well, not apologizing, but sorry you had to go through that. I know you weren’t trying to do anything wrong. he was way out of line. he’s an asshole.

go get your manager. uhhhh the managers not here today. i’m not sure when he will be back. i can’t do anything for you. well then call the manager right now. i want to talk to him right now. uhhhh he doesnt give employees his phone number. well who do you call if its an emergency? meanwhile there is a huge line of people who just want to prepay for their gas. i avoided all this because i paid at the pump with a card hahahahaha.

mike enoch does not get all super intellectual either. he just gives real talk, absolutely no bullshit, no jerking off. he says like and dude a lot but unlike with most people who say these words a lot, it does not make him sound unintelligent. he is real good at talking to people and just great verbal intelligence on this goy hahahaha. this is the guy you want talking for you. real convincing salesman. but not in a bullshit dishonest way. he needs to quit his job and spend all his time talking and networking and meeting with people. he is a real good people person and communicator.

i wonder what the hell he did before TRS. I guess he had a big libertarian phase and did a lot of 4chan. dont quote me.

listened to the first 2 songs of the agalloch album, they were pretty good. decent production. a blast beat would be nice. also the black metal vocals are pretty unimpressive and really dont seem to fit. something a bit deeper, or alternately, a DSBM or old burzumy scream would be better. the corny clean vocals are better.

uhhh seems to be plenty of “melodic doom” in the vein of old katatonia going on, that i wasnt really expecting, but i guess i’m not surprised, and i am not disappointed either.

overall, very melodic, very very, not super opethy unless you think of an alternate opeth where they continued in the vein of their first two albums…….which is not a problem for me!

but now i have a damn melodic doom katatoniaish song stuck in my head and I don’t know what it is!!!!!!!!!

it has a catchy mournful weeping guitar melody.

it is pretty brave murder day ish, but i dont think its from that album.

it could be from the first october tide album, but i dont think so.

and i’m not sure what else it could be.

sept 2

you know i think it might be beneath the rain or whatever that doom band from portugal with the guy from morgion singing.  on their second main album.

before the rain?

YASSSS there is is, aroun 20:23, actually that motif is all throughout this song “shards” and it repeats a lot, but i was particularly thinking of the higher octave guitar going into the “weeping” range hahahaha.

FOUND IT!!!!

yeah the album is a little long but it has a great production and great style and is pretty underrated and i only found it because i am a big morgion fan.

fooking rate your music lists really interferon with muh job search hahahaha.

fook working for a living like an honorable white man. i am just gonna become a black ingra hahahaha.

yeah i dont want to pedestalize That Woman too much. it’s VERY GOOD to remember I have been Decent Friends with, I have been CLOSE TO OTHER WOMEN before. she doesnt STAND ALONE. I had at least two pretty good female friends where we were decent friends for like approx 2 years. talking freely, being comfortable with each other.

yeah i never fell in LUV with them but thats NOT THE POINT. well, yes and no. yeah that was the one thing that differentiated that woman.

but i never want to lose sight of the fact that i have gotten close and friendly with OTHER women. NOT JUST HER.

rejection email THREE MONTHS after applying for job. the spreadsheet did not even exist until 2 months ago.

entry level position at big well known company, great job, but 95% of its postings are for Senior Level Engineers.

ANYWAY. when you fall in LUV with a woman you FEEL closer to them. it’s a fantasy, its all in your head, but i don’t like describing it like that, thats misleading. because it’s VERY real for YOU. YOU ACTUALLY ARE very close to THEM……………………………but THEY are not nearly as close to YOU. by saying its all in your head, it mocks the realness, truth and beauty of your Luv. so, I wont do that.

like when i fell in luv with women i didnt even KNOW. OF COURSHE i FELT close to them, even though I didn’t even KNOW them!

the DIFFERENCE this time, was I fell in luv with someone I ACTUALLY KNEW!!!!!!!!!!!!!

and still, apparently, I didn’t know them well enough!

but yeah i MUST NOT think of myself as some WEIRDO CREEPER ALIEN who CANT get along with women, because I have become close friends with OTHER WOMEN THAN JUST HER.

I just never fell in LUV with any of them, so thats why That Woman was such a big deal.

went to jcpenney and found some great nike revolution 3 running shoes. but they did not have the size in the color i wanted.

so then i went to zappos and ordered the size for about the same price. i hate the idea of ordering SHOES online, but technically i HAD already tried on a pair of the same style of shoe, just a diff COLOR. and i wasnt gonna back down here.

interestingly enough, i was aiming to replace a pair of Revolution 2 which i had bought 2 years ago and are now falling apart and completely worn out. i guess i am a Nike Revolution man. so I should look for the Revolution 4 in 2 more years.

man those one year at a time charts on rym are great. i can see all the albums I was enjoying at the time, ANDDDDDDD see all the ones from that time period that I missed. there was a ton of good stuff in those years that i missed because i was a teen listening to groove metal hahahaha. no i liked half good stuff too, some black metal. i have been a black metal fan for TWENTY YEARS hahahahahahahahahaha. well, maybe 19.

just tell these antiwhite k1kes in interviews that ive been spending the last 14 months looking at black metal charts on RYM hahahahahahahahahahahahahaha but i havent been smokin any MJ ya k1kes!

not that you should be PROUD about smokin MJ. its for degenerates. its INHERENTLY DEGENERATE.

its TERRIBLE that I still want to do it. that I still want to do it WITH HER. goddam degenerate DEVILS CABBAGE.

if anyone speaks glowing of MJ, publicly humiliate them! and then go smoke it privately hahahhaha.

i really hate successful people who make like 30k a year who say i can smoke MJ and I’m a successful productive member of society! I’m happy with my life and my job and I am a successful family man! and I make 30k a year!

comment sections of news articles on legalizing mj and all these pro-legalization types saying shit like that.

well i am pro legalization too, but more of the “conservative libertarian” way, rather than Have Big Govt Regulate and Tax Tax Tax it! but let each city decriminalize it.

i mean I just imagine all the tax money being wasted anyway, like the 200 million in tax revenue colorado got from MJ. it will just be wasted on public skools in black ghettos hahahaha where the money wont do any good. or paying teacher administrator pensions hahahahahaha.

it wont go to fix shitty roads, it wont go to more police and ems in black crime ghettos, or blight cleanup, or anything useful like that. thats where your MJ tax money will go. just like alcohol and tobacco tax money.

so yeah dont tax it. save the money to build up MJ production companies hahahaha. or even small time MJ producers in the cities where it is legal.

well companies are STILL gonna drug test for jobs anyway, that practice has not changed even in colorado, in fact its probably gotten even more prevalent! cuz now theres more lazy ingrish potheads out there who would make terrible workers hahahaha.

i am being partially facetious since i always try to work my hardest even if i am using MJ afterwards.

but maybe i am just a shitty worker but i think i am a good worker.

i mean shit, i can’t handle the bare minimum at muh old job! my best was worse than their worst! hahahahaha.

NO, that’s not entirely true. for a good long while I was good and getting better. establishing a reputation for excellence. might have even been promoted in 2 more years, hahahahaha, for a company that never promotes from within!

(i of course dont want to work for a company that doesnt promote from within hahahaha)

because hiring outsiders for upper level jobs is a YUGGGGEEEEE red flag of a shitty horrible company. run dont walk.

applied for great job at Dream Employer University, but its 36k. when my skills are only worth 26k hahahaha. isnt it a waste of 25 minutes to apply for this?

i found another one that pays 15 an hour. much better. but still out of my league hahaha.

in fact the jobs that pay 13 an hour, aka 26k a year…..dont usually even list their pay. they just say nothing.

so i guess the lesson is, always apply for the jobs that dont list a number, because that number is probably low enough to be closer to your actual worth.

but still. why not just list the god damn pay for ALL jobs, from 10 dollar an hour to 40 dollars an hour jobs, so people that think the pay is too low, wont even apply.

unless they are trying to overreach and get people who would normally be “too good” to apply????

well that’s not what I do, i apply for 12 and 11 dollar an hour jobs if they seem chill/easy or I like the company.

anyway the 15 an hour job would be GREAT. like 5 miles away, full time office job, for satellite campus of bigass university that probably takes average care of its employees with 401k, health care, and at least 13 an hour wage hahahaha. 9 to 5 hours, weekends off, the works. real solid family man stuff. no joke.

 

THIS IS WORK, NOT SCHOOL

aug 19

big interview with the asians today. the 15th interview. well it only makes sense i should get to 20 then.

had that sense of nervousness last night, like i couldnt study enough about the stupid company, and nothing was sticking.

THIS IS WORK, NOT SCHOOL. You don’t come here to LEARN, you come here to WORK. DO. MAKE. Do LEARNING on your OWN time. LEARNING wastes time and money.

so say youre having trouble with a class. struggling. there is ALWAYS outside help people are very willing to give you, whether its from the teacher (maybe) or a tutor. the school often provides tutors for the popular “hard” classes in math and science. but what if you want a tutor for your JOB because youre just not getting it good enough? you want to, and you are very frustrated.

THIS IS WORK, NOT SCHOOL. NO TUTOR. figure it out yourself or i guess you werent a good fit. see ya.

or, alternatively, say you call the tutor and they KNOW EVEN LESS THAN YOU DO. they never even TOOK the course, and you’re describing to them difficult problems from the course. how do I do this integral you say, and they say, hmmm whats an integral? i dont have any knowledge or experience in the subject i’m supposed to be tutoring.

THAT was EXACTLY how the last job was. I STILL get sick just THINKING about it.

an acquaintance of mine described how he lately has developed nervousness on PLANES, which certainly a lot of people have. totally understandable. I want to go to the doc and get a few xanax for this plane ride. he said even just THINKING of the experience in the plane was starting to make him nervous. yep. i totally understand completely.

the job was like being locked in the plane all day every day.

it pushed you to a panic state of Fight Or Flight, and you wanted to Flight, but you COULDNT. It was your JOB to FIGHT.

so how well do you think you’re going to fight when you’re panicking and you want to flight? you’re gonna fight like shit, make bad decisions, and get BTFO’d! K’d!

a successful fight usually requires superior strength, and or preparation.

like if you are caught off guard by a big burly brute, you better hope you are a well trained martial artist. or have a Sidearm.

AYO HOL UP. what kind of job is only open for ONE DAY. opens 18th, closes on the 19th. pays 20 dah. not bad uh. state job so they tel you that info. anyway. that tells me that they HAVE to post the job, but there’s no minimum amount of days they have to post it. and there is strong implication the job will go to someone internal. which is GOOD! unless its been promised to someones incompetent daughter hahahahaha. which is not good.

heh. now i am not worried at all about the interview. fookin asians. last time i apply for this company hahaha. no health care premiums but they dont cover prescriptions i hear. yeah well i need prescriptions to keep me “sane” enough to essentially not be disabled hahahahaha.

millennial woes is exactly right, casual secs and promiscuity is NIHILISTIC and leads to NIHILISM.

same thing with ABORTION.

http://goaskalice.columbia.edu/answered-questions/i-feel-i-have-lost-ability-communicate-people

hehehehe

had muh interview with the asians. talked to two white guys who were definitely engineerish. seemed nice but also a bit dorky. PERFECT. well the one white guy had sort of asian eyes. he could have been 35% asian hahaha. i just tried to make myself not seem like a total idiot. they have second interviews. i might get invited to that. im sure the asians will be at that one. i definitely saw asians when i went in. asian gurl at the front desk. i even heard asians speaking asian hahahahahaha.

YES I know exactly what manner of asians these are, i’m just not SAYING due to doxxing.

the white guys seemed nice. not alpha charismatic trumplike though. just straightforward sorta dorky white engineer normies. i think they want more of an engin background than i have. they were not allowed to discuss pay, or how many people were interviewing.  glassdoor suggests about 14.50 an hour. the guys did say it was hourly not salary. they could divulge that much.

they said there was training. and people who could help you. and you dont take phone calls from the customers. you just TEST the PARTS. i might even take the job if offered hahaha. it is fairly close.

casual sex and chill hangouts are   N I H I L I S T I C !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

when you are an angry 16 year old virgin, nihilism SOUNDS really kewl. but its really no way to live. its degenerate and nihilistic and BAD and shitty.

anyway i went in there thinking fook this place, fook off back to asia, you dont know how to run an american company,  and talking to the white guys i felt a little better. but yeah i def saw and heard some asians chattering in asian. i am SURE there is a double reality or classes of people here. asians speaking asian, making all the big decisions, reasonable or more likely unreasonable, and then the white goy underlings.

supposedly the bilingual asian-americans are seen as the lowest of all rather than the native asians? that seems weird. but asians are weird.

no i dont have any asian friends. or jooish friends or arab friends or black friends or brown friends or female friends or gay friends hahahahaha.

well, i will be reuniting soon with a college acquaintance who is a jooish woman lesbian hahahahahaha. i got along with her well back in the day, she was very nice to me and i was nice to her. well i feel bad even that i sorta left her in the lurch when i made a new group of friends who were more dramatic hahaha. they were good people too but they were very cliquish and i got sucked into the clique. big part of it, i was in LUV with this one gurl in the clique. that was really the crux right there.

OH ITS 440pm on FRIDAY AFTERNOON, THAT MEANS THE REJECTION EMAILS START ROLLING IN.

heres one for General Office Clerk full time at the Big Medical Revenue place that is super close. the place that has Reasonable Job Descriptions for entry level people, so I apply to all their shit except the call center CSR jobs.

actually this was a PART TIME job with them that i applied for 3 weeks ago. pretty good turnaround time guys hahaha. no it really is. i expect at LEAST a month to get a rejection email!

25-30 people in the quality testing department the job is in.

aug 20

yes as i get further out the clearer everything becomes. she just didnt want to DEAL WITH IT. you ever get something thats just TOO MUCH TO HANDLE. thats what it was for her. as soon as she saw one long email from me, she said NOPE. TOO MUCH TO HANDLE. I CANT DEAL WITH THIS. delete. not because she hated me, not because she felt betrayed by me, not because i was a horrible person, all stuff i was very worried about at the time.

also, it’s much easier to lose a friend than it is to lose somebody youre in LUV with. MUCH easier hahahaha.

plus she was in the process of moving out of our friendship anyway. well it would have been nice if she talked about that with me tho hahahaha.

shit yeah it sucks. shit YEAH it takes a LONG time to get over. at the One Year anniversary, i am actually pleasantly surprised by how much I AM Over It. It seems too fast, too soon, for something that was THAT big of a deal. should take at LEAST TWO years to get over hahahaha. well, im not over it entirely. it prob will take 2 years before i am able to have feelings for other women.

this was a great talk, i wish it went on longer. you dont have to end it just because its an HOUR, greggy hahahaha. Weev is WHITE HOT and one of the BEST young people for Our Movement. I think Greg is great, but he’s not on the Leading Edge. But he WANTS to be, he’s TRYING to be, and that is good. he embraces leading edge stuff like Weev and TRS, rather than infighting against it like irrelevant butthurt losers.

I like how Weev cracks himself up laughing at his own ridiculous jokes. he sounds a little bipolar or narcissistic but thats not really surprising.  he’s a great Ideas Man, he’s young, he’s ridic smart, and i am glad to have him on our side. i just want him to make more appearances and give more talks. make more vidyas. every time he talks he says something interesting and usually important and useful.

this is why i donate 25 euros a week to WEEV hahahahahaha.

yeah of COURSHE i would try to get weev on my podcast hahahaha. i would have him on for 3 hours and for multiple episodes. whenever he wanted.

well i mean i would have my huhwyte podcast, and then my neetcast, and i’m not sure there should be a lot of crossover. BUT THATS MY NICHE!! pro-white neets!!!!!!!!!

but pro-white is GOOD, and neet is BAD. well, thats why I focus on OVERCOMING neetness, UP FROM neetness! it’s not a celebration of neetness!!!!!! AT ALL!

I am older than weev, but younger than greg. i really identify with the younger generation here, but i am also slow to adapt to change like the older generation. like i totally understand greg’s attachment to publishing. its what he DOES. but i dont see it as a Growth Market. not that everything HAS to GROW all the time. but we WANT pro-white stuff to grow for sure!

and weev is applying an interesting advertising/marketing like perspective to it all.

i wish weev would come back to the US and do a lot more real life networking. real life networking is also VERY important. more important than publishing books. we have enough good books.

right now the hot shit is memes and forums, PODCASTS, and real life meetups and networking. getting successful, well-adjusted normies on our side. people with good jobs, wives and children. get the strong, successful alpha men on our side, and then the women will follow.

anyway lots of older huhwhytes say weev is controlled opposition, a shill, a mole, that back in the day he “hunted nazis” and now he is just rounding up young gullible nazis with no knowledge of his history.

that he is a FED, basically.

i dunno. i’ve been disappointed before. if he turns out to be a fed I will stop giving him money and singing his praises. TRS and Daily Stormer like him, so that is good enough for me. and Greg hahaha.

so yeah i am less angry at HER as well. i can totally forgive her and be somewhat less butthurt. i can totally understand why a person gets into fight or flight mode and then runs away. says NOPE. I CANT EVEN. ive done it before. i knew it was not the greatest thing to do but i just didnt care. i was that convinced i couldnt deal with it, i didnt care who i hurt. well i was never really HURTING anyone hahaha but myself. no not in a physical self mutilation way thank god!!!! but in a throw my future career away sort of way.

so yeah i dont get as mad any more about her doing something HORRIBLE to me. yeah it wasnt GOOD, but it is SUPER understandable. that doesnt make it right, but it doesnt make it horrible either. it sure felt horrible because i was in serious luv with her, and i stand by that. true luv is not something to be trifled with. its what joins two peopel together for LYFE, and creates NEW life. its more serious than cancer. and thats what i had for her. not some casual, nihilistic, replaceable, throwaway trash jooish bullshit.

joos turning your luv and your relationships into cheap chinese throwaway crap that you buy at walmart and the dollar store.

http://www.dailystormer.com/we-made-the-cover-of-time/

alt right internet trolls are the current cover of time

i guess the magazine is dying but thats still pretty big, its in doctors offices and normies homes everywhere.

ok no comments on the time article allowed. it only really mentions milo the joo queer and also weev, with some great quotes from him, telling the joo author of the time article he belongs in a fooking oven.  and of course milo is a degen and doesnt represent anyone. does he represent breitbart? im sure there are many decent breitbart readers and maybe some ok breitbart writers…..but he is not one of them hahahaha. talking about loving black dick. gay making out with gavin mcinnes to show that right wingers are not “homophobic.” i mean i guess mcinnes could be a gateway to better thinkers hehehe. but i didnt need a gateway. well im not a normie tho hahaha.

well lets say i found some young gurl who i found really qt and she turned out to be a huge slut and offer it up to me quickly. of COURSHE i would take her up on that. i cannot turn down secs from attractive young women, casual or not! but she would probably “dump” me after i banged her 3 or less times anyway. cuz i would be nervous and therefore the secs would be AWKWARD. the first time would be horrible. the second time would be a little better. by the third time, might even cross the line into good…..but by then the gurl will be turned off from the previous two bad times. there wont be a third time. of course it wouldnt be “bad” for me, it would just be awkward and very very self conscious and nervous.  and that would be enough to make it “BAD” for the woman. I would want to do it again, and she wouldnt.

 

WHAT WOULD DONALD TRUMP DO / FRIENDS FIRST GAME / 11 YEARS SINCE CUDDLING / SQUAT GUAT / TUALAPOG / ID HANG OUT WITH ME SO HARD

0203

THIS IS THE BEST AND LONGEST POST EVER.

well i will get over the idea that i did a horrible thing and betrayed her and am a bad guy…..

but its much harder to get over the idea that I Failed The Shit Test. She was giving me a shit test because thats just what women naturally do to weed out weak willed men, and be selective, and find good stronk mates, and weed out the weak………and i failed the test and showed myself as weak. failed her shit test.

but i have my doubts that this was an actual shit test, vs her just being super shitty.

now i realize ALL shit tests are subconscious, and the women dont know theyre doing them.

and that shit tests are essentially women acting like Full Retarded Immature Children. and that is stupid and shamefur.

the proper response is to say, i’m not gonna take your shit baby, THIS ENDS NOW. youre acting like a CHILD and you can talk to me when you want to act like a grown ass woman. but i dont negotiate with bratty little children.

then the gurl melts and says ooh thats just what i wanted to hear, you passed the shit test, i luv you now.

also….. i thought shit tests came AFTER the gurl has shown SOME interest in you, most likely have SECS by the third date. but she doesnt really know you and doesnt know if youre a real enough man to continue having secs with her.

also, i failed shit tests with women before, bascially dumped for being Too Beeta……..but they still were NICE to me when they dumped me and didnt go apeshit and treat me like a piece of garbage, or it was my fault for being such a horrible person.

in other words, failing a shit test STILL doesnt mean the woman gets to throw you away like youre a horrible person. they can STILL empathize with you as someone who is gonna be hurt.

but i dont know how shit tests work in Friends First situations. when you already know each other. she had known me for 2+ years, she knew who i was.

are they testing to see if youre willing to just walk out on them if they give you shit?

well i wasnt willing to walk out on her exactly because we already had an established relationship for a long time, and you just dont GIVE UP on people like that, unless they are a trifling brat you JUST MET.

now with shit tests you cant say “just talk to me baby, and we’ll work this out. tell me what you want baby, and i’ll do it.” thats FAILING the shit test.

you have to say, im the MAN, and im not gonna stand for this. STAHP. THIS ENDS NOW. I wont take this shit, we wont talk this out, you’re gonna stop throwing the tantrum, or im gonna find a BETTER WOMAN.

well, its hard to walk out on a qt after youve BANGED her, because you want to bang her MOAR, plus the secs might be naturally, rightfully causing your brain to produce like-like-chemicals. so your willingness to put up with shit and not walk away is increased.

when walking away is not the same thing as giving up. when you you walk away because youre saying “i can do better than this. i dont have to put up with this shit. this is retarded.”

vs walking away as giving up: “i dont want to put in the effort to work on and improve this relationship. im done with them. its over and im pulling the plug.”

i dunno i think BEING ASSERTIVE is not a bad thing. i was never good at being a DICK to women becuase i was always THIRSTY (hahahaha) and DESPERATE for female attention and approval and liking and loving.

but i think you can be assertive and stand up for yourself and say i dont like the way youre treating me, you need to treat me with more respect or were done.

do women see assertiveness as being not masculine enough? or do you need to be more aggressive than assertive?

i dont think aggressiveness HURTS. except when you are being aggressively pushy, creepy, bugging them to hang out when they dont want to hang out. and you are persistent in a stalkery way.

the best advice i have thought of recently is: WHAT WOULD TRUMP DO. WHAT WOULD THE TRUMPENFUHRER DO in this situation, with this woman. how would HE show assertiveness to this Bratty Bitchy Woman whose trying to bust his balls?

THAT is what you must do.

would he let some gurl say oh not now, but later. later. later. for months and months? fook no. hed say, were going out to bla bla on saturday at 7 pm. done. be ready or youre fired hahahaha.

shit. when this first started going on she made it sound like almost playful and possibly flirtatious, like youre the guy, you pick the place. and i responded pretty well like, OF COURSHE ill pick a place, i am decisive as fook and if you dont like it, your loss baby lol. and joking with her. and tyring to point out how i wasnt such a nice guy, i am a total asshole, its my way or the highway. was trying to show that side to her. which i still think was a good idea! but then she STILL kept bailing on me. still making up excuses. i said youve got two strikes already baby, and believe me you dont want a third! youre treading on thin ice! which i thought was halfway decent Game for a sperg autist neet virgin wizard like me! and i still do!

but it didnt work, cuz she still kept up with the lame excuses.

at that point, i should have said THIS ENDS NOW. STAHP STRINGING ME ALONG or i’ll hang out with somebody who doesnt.

and because i failed to do that, i lost out on muh lifelong wife and mother of my children, cuz i made one misstep and responded to one shit test incorrectly hahahahahaha.

again my game was not Perfect, but it was OK considering, and at the beginning of it, it didnt seem she was Stringing Me Along too much. so i continued the Playful Banter and things werent weird yet.

and the excuses werent really THAT lame. some were, like i was sick etc. others were like oh im upset because my cheating boifran cheated on me and im sad, and i thought her opening up to me about that was progress.

but yeah. you could have finally Broke Down and agreed to hang out over Thanksgiving or Crimbo. so I guess things were weird by January 2015. because i had fully expected to hang out with her around tgiving. that was disappointing. that was strike 1 or 2. i thought well if tgiving doesnt work out, xmas or new years definitely will. xmas did not work out. i even blatantly asked her if she wanted to hang out on new years. I DUNNOOOOOOOOOO. THAT should have been strike 3, and on new years day 2015 i should have said: OK. ENOUGH IS ENOUGH. THIS ENDS NOW.  but instead there was tension for the next 7 months. and then devastating, pathetic heartbreak for me ever since that.

but do i really WANT a woman who has made the decisions she has? when she has to make big decisions and prove her mettle, she Chokes and chooses Poorly. and its TRAGIC because she can really do better. but do i really want someone who Chooses Poorly when it matters the most?

well i often thought, well, other white women arent much better. i mean how PICKY do i want to be here? we get along well, we know and trust each other, shes been with less than 3 guys, shes not annoying, shes nice, really the pros outweigh the cons here goy, where am i ever gonna find a nice, young, pretty, less than 3, no kids white gurl? wy the hell shouldnt i go all in with her!

shes made a couple of bad decisions, and i wish she had a better father but thats not her fault, her family is good despite that, were all human, ive made some REALLY bad decisions too, and most young cute white women have made a lot worse decisions! i could do so much worse, and really, considering my status, im not gonna do any BETTER!

i dunno. i TRIED to have game at the beginning. i thought i was Gaming pretty well considering me being an omega wizard. gimme a little CREDIT for THAT hahahahah!

but the game didnt work. she kept flaking. now was that because my game was not strong enough? and i should BLAME MYSELF for that?

well the true alpha would say, welp i screwed that one up, but i learned a lesson, and i will do better with the next woman. lets just move on from this.

note well that i am more about marriage game and traditional wife game as opposed to casual sex pulling degen sluts degenerate game!

also, HOW HARD IS IT TO HANG OUT????? i can see soem bitch youve only known for a month and had casual secs with, now blows you off and doesnt hang out with you because youre TOO interested in her……

but how do you Friends First Game?

average Game says, theres no such thing, youre in the Friendzone Forever.

I say, well just tell the gurl your feelings have changed. and then get soundly rejected because women dont like having Adult Conversations, because Serious is not Sexy. You have to speak their bullshit dumb retarded signal language. at which point you are better to be Aggressive He Man, than Assertive Lets Talk About This.

so stupid. what does heartiste say is proper Friends First Game?

i TRUST heartiste because he is pro-white and he is also TRS-approved and he understands the big picture.

even ROOSH is coming around to that, but we dont like Roosh because he is a Kebab and he makes fun of the alt right hahahahaha. ful disclosure: I bought “Day Bang” like 4 or 5 years ago and still dont realy want to get rid of it. i think white wizards like me can learn some basic solid game from a “kebab rapist” like Roosh. but yeah. he shouldnt have mocked the alt right. that was really stupid. not just the alt right, but WHITES. i can’t tolerate that.

plus him going around banging HUNDREDS of white girls. even if they are degen sluts. he is not being a part of the solution. to degeneracy.

but yeah. it just makes me very uncomfortable to think that the average unmarried white gurl is gonna be more or less ok with casual sex.

well this is the DEFEATIST shit schlomo WANTS me to think! NICE TRY SCHLOMO!!!!!!!!!

back in the day, DEFEATIST talk used to be up there with TREASON as an executable offense! or at least you got the shit beat out of you. and then went nuts and Kd yourself and others like private pyle hahahaha.

i have always felt like private pyle unfortuantely hahahahaha.

just to be crystal clear, i dont support the poolside, enjoy the decline, watch the world burn bullshit. i might have been seduced by that DEGENERATE, HEDONISTIC NIHILISM when i was younger, but not anymore. there are values much much much higher than MUH DICK.  and thats all that shit is, is muh dick.

i luv TRS because not only do they have a fun forum, but they have totally engaging the Memeplex and are changing the meme game in a bigger way than any pro-whites ive seen so far. creating memes, changing the language, creating our own language, “dog whistling” to other shitlords with words like “AGENCY” and “TIME PREFERENCE”. not to mention the more jocular memes/words like “cuck” and dindu and gibs which seem to be penetrating our language.

what they are doing is great and exciting and important. and i have been pro white since 2011 hahahahahaha. ive read stormfront and vnn and they are fine and dandy, but TRS is the next big thing and i am GRATEFUL i discovered them.

they would tell me forget about that lost cause mudshark……..but they would also say i am a total beeta lost cause myself, so when you tally up the scorecard, i would have been lucky to pull a white gurl like her. young, less than 5 dicks, no kids, so what if she is a little mudsharky and has no father. pros outweigh the cons. i am a past my prime, 30+ loser who made bad choices in life and now reaps what i sow. i am luck that a white gurl even wanted to hang out with me. the best i deserve is a “BROWN MIDGET REFRIGERATOR” (description of guatamalan/mestizo brown women hahahaha, stout, stocky, short, stumpy, and very unattractive hahahaha.)

i am serious about wanting to date only white girls…..but with my low mate value, i have to find a white girl with ISSUES.  and i did! and i felt they were not dealbreaker issues!

or i could just IMPROVE MYSELF which is what proud white men are SUPPOSED To do. life is a constant journey of SELF IMPROVEMENT for the white man.

heh. for me that is super duper hard. i am losing weight pretty good and trying to treat my Despair with meds and occasional shrink hahahahaha.  i have quit drinking and quit MJ. but i still like MJ and I wish i didnt LIKE it!!!!!!!

i have quit porno and have not looked at it at ALL in…..111 days at LEAST.

i dunno. i had a good upbringing so i cant blame my family. they were just too protective though, if anything they were too loving! and in that sense were enabling of bad habits that would not serve me well as an independent adult who could Survive in the World of Work and Women.

Classic Spoiled Kid Affluenza syndrome reporting in!

but yeah i dont like Dating because i dont think women should be having secs before 6 months into an official relationship, at LEAST; and i dont like the fact that women cant talk about shit and solve problems like MEN hahahaha. im mad at women for not being MEN. hahahahaha.

you cant HATE women for being immature insane bitches. its part of BEING A WOMAN. WOMEN ARE DIFFERENT THAN MEN.

i dunno. i can accept women being VERY different from men, i just WISH they didnt HAVE to be immature, insane, destructive bitches! is that to unrealistic to ask?

probably not.

remember, those crazy bitches i fake dated and made out with and had secs with, who dumped me for being too beta and a doormat and not masculine enough and too interested in them, they still tried to dump me politely and nicely.

heh. j00ish women j00d me less than a white woman. its really discouraging when white women j00 you even worse than ACTUAL j00s hahahaha.

so yeah i can finally believe that i didnt do something HORRIBLY WRONG AND EVIL.

i have a harder time accepting that it was more than a matter of game. if i had just GAMED her better, i would have gotten her. and my major mistake is failing this SHIT TEST.

i would like to think there is no one size fits all way of passing a shit test. donald trump does it one way, uncle adolf does it another way, vlad putin does it another way, the southern gentleman does it another way. i would prefer to be assertive ratherly than overly aggressive, and not be too huge of a dick about it. because thats SAFER hahahaha. because what if being a dick to the woman actually offends the woman and drives her away? hahahaha. yes i am being slightly sarcastic.

bbbbbbut its hard to be a dick to women when you are a desperate doormat who is desperate to not be left by them.

i wish there were a good authority on Friends First Game i could turn to hahahaha.

of course the idea that there is a Game for every situation is pretty degen, see the hilarious twitter account return of kangz whcih is a alt right, pro white parody of return of kings which somebody from TRS forums is doing probably.

https://twitter.com/ReturnOfKangz?lang=en

it seems to be making fun of Game, from a pro white perspective hehehehehe. i dunno. its a really new twitter account but looks promising.

i dunno.

see, i thought Friends could just TALK to each other freely without using stupid GAME.

i thought friends could just HANG OUT with each other REGULARLY.

but i didnt WANT to be just friends.

well i was FINE with being friends at FIRST.

then things changed.

then i wanted to have a friendly talk about that change and just put it out there like a mature adult. no shit tests, no signals, no ultimatums, no bullshit.

but maybe its because im an unmasculine mating market loser that i even THINK Game Is Stupid. If i were a successful man, I would appreciate and respect the Game, as i respect the Differences between men and women.

i respect the differences between men and women, but i still think Game is stupid.

but MGTOW is kind of stupid as well. just pussies giving up and embracing foreveralone as some kind of moral signaling. nope. i dont buy it anymore. im as done with mgtow, as she was done with me hahahahaha.

there are better ways to morally signal hahahah. like by saying you are a traditional white man who wants to have a traditional white family with a traditional white woman.

WHAT WOULD THE DON DO.

he would say, “listen. the first couple times you blew me off, that was understandable. you were going through some tough stuff. but I really thought you would hang out with me around tgiving, crimmus, or new years. enough is enough already. youve been avoiding me for 2 months. this is not ok. this ends now. either we hang out this saturday at 5 pm or you CALL me when youre ready to stop stringing me along and start treating me with the respect i deserve.”

THE END.

put that on a fooking flashcard and MEMORIZE THAT QUOTE.

i am looking for an EPIC DOOM BAND that is MORE EPIC THAN CANDLEMASS.

CANDLEMASS IS NOT EPIC ENOUGH FOR ME.

Candlemass is great and nothing but respect. but i want 10 minute songs, not 6 minute songs hahahahaha.

yes, i am fully aware candlemass invented epic doom and has an album called “EPICUS DOOMICUS METALLICUS.”

yeah i will also take epicish gothic doom death. like my dying bride. that is more than epic enough for me. maybe what i’m looking for are those “gothic”, super melancholy Two Guitar Harmonies.

google how to deal with a shit test

looking for somewhat trusted sources, not easy

http://therationalmale.com/tag/how-to-pass-a-shit-test/

https://heartiste.wordpress.com/2013/06/25/compendium-of-female-super-shit-tests/

ok. so you treat them like the BRatty Little Sister. you dont hate them or want to hurt them, but you want to SHOW THEM WHOS BOSS.

WOMEN HATE MEN WHO NEED TO BE TOLD TO BE DOMINANT. hahahahahah. whoooops failed that shit test hahahahah.

Commanding respect is especially important for the kind of testing where they’re just being an annoyance and generally disrespectful. IMO disrespect should not be tolerated and needs to be nipped in the bud, and is an important way to maintain frame control. You simply need to be firm and treat her like a father would to their child who’s being disrespectful. You don’t get angry, you just call her on the behavior and let her know clearly that you won’t stand for it. In a way this is almost a type of pressure flip. You’re taking her negative energy and sliding past it and putting the onus on her to react by changing her approach to the topic. For example:

Her: Nag nag nag.
You: That is disrespectful and I will not tolerate it.

https://whoism3.wordpress.com/2012/11/17/confessions-of-a-reformed-incel/

he seems pretty degen but there are some solid things in this article, poignant tuff feels you will have felt hahahaha. but he watches pron hahahaha. anyway decent article, cant vouch for the rest of the site.

yeah he likes pron too much and hates women too much. and doesnt like to heartiste. but i can basically understand where hes coming from. plus i HAD to read an article called “confessions of a reformed incel.” he went TWELVE YEARS without sex, and i think without even cuddleing or making out, any contact with women basically.

welp… its been 11-12 years without actual secs for me

11 years since touching pvssay, and cuddling

10 years since making out

so….almost as bad hahahahahaha.

11 years since cuddling wow that just sounds SAD hahahahaha.

WHAT WOULD THE DON SAY:

THAT IS DISRESPECTFUL AND I WILL NOT TOLERATE IT.

this is prob muh favorite style. straightforward, no bullshit, no games, clear, direct, honest, short, to the point.

i dont even disrespect RANDOM SLUTS as bad as she disrespected me. how could she do that? im talking about archetypical degenerate, mudshark, casual sex, 30+ dicks, bastard babies, stupid retarded corrupted white skanks. i treat them with the utmost disrespect as a group, and she treated me worse than THAT. showed me less respect than THAT.

if i know someone as an INDIVIDUAL, that counts for something. if i god forbid knew one of those sluts, i would probably treat her with more respect as i would the GROUP. on an individual one on one basis, i try to treat EVERYONE with respect.

the idea she could do that to ME. someone she was once Good Close Friends with. its MIND BOGGLING.

QUOTE

trpalternate 55 points 1 year ago
For the married guys in here, I’ll add one thing that I learned from experience: If you’re faced with passive-aggressive behaviour, ignoring it will, at best, postpone the problem. Passive aggression isn’t the same thing as a veiled shit test. The entire purpose of being passive-aggressive is to niggle at you until either you become cowed by guilt and fear of disapproval, or until you set some boundaries.

You have to confront passive-aggressive behaviour, preferably immediately. When you do so, be firm but not aggressive or angry. Make sure you shoot down any denials (e.g. “I didn’t mean to hurt you”). Also, don’t let her flip the script back on you. If she tries to deflect with something like how you don’t do enough dishes, you can say something like “We’re not talking about dishes. We’re talking about [Insert passive-aggressive action].

Set limits and follow through. Make sure that she knows that further behaviour like that will not be tolerated. Also tell her that if if there is a problem, she is to state it to you directly.

In my case, about an hour after the discussion, she asked me to apologize for getting upset with her. The absurdity of the situation got the better of me and I let a chuckle slip out. Then I told her that she was the one in the wrong, so she will be doing the apologizing. She did. One year in, and that was the last passive-aggressive snipe I have ever dealt with from her.

END

https://web.archive.org/web/20160107223756/http://illimitablemen.com/2014/12/14/the-shit-test-encyclopedia/

gotta dig into this.

you know it seems like less of a shit test and more that she was JUST AVOIDING ME. SHIT TESTS means theyre still INTERESTED, conditionally of course. avoiding you means they just have no interest whatseover.

avoiding is not a shit test.

therefore it was not a shit test that i failed.

anyway they way the more sex obsessed game types talk about women, you think, god damn these women are disgusting, are all women like that? and the gamers would say yes of courshe. all women are immature little cheaters and sluts. i dont like that idea hahahaha.

it sucks to find a Decent Woman and they do something really bad.

why cant they just disappoint you A LITTLE? they have to disappoint you WORSE THAN YOU COUL EVER IMAGINE.

and i dont give people shit tests. i realize even MEN ive each other shit tests all the time, but i dont even do that.

these PUAs are clearly degenerate and the women they fook are clearly degenerate, and i hate to think that All Women Are Like That. that SHE is like that.

maybe she was just chill and nondramatic because she partook a lot of MJ. do i REALLY want to be with a woman who does a lot of MJ? turning your mind to MUSH, and probably makes you MORALLY LAZY as well? not being able to do the right thing when the time comes?

well i wanted to do MJ with her, chill out and cuddle together, and i just cared that she was not a slut. had a low number.

https://heartiste.wordpress.com/2008/12/29/its-easy-to-identify-a-slut/

hehehehe

https://goodbyeamericainaphoto.wordpress.com/

i think heartiste has another blog and this is it

heartiste was one of the first guys i read that really got me thinking, and i still come back to him. i read him when i was an approval seeking shitlib. helped me see the error of muh ways! and he is still great. i think he is probably on board with pro white K selected family stuff.

https://heartiste.wordpress.com/2010/09/16/why-sluts-make-bad-wives/

i like how he mansplains stuff that really shouldnt need an article to mansplain. why do sluts make bad wives?

TO ASK THE QUESTION IS TO ANSWER IT!

oh dear god. beta college boy dating dominant abusive woman, she goes batshit breaking shit making noise, cops called, they make them visit a college counselor, girl complains about man being WEAK and counselor says that Your Weakness is a Triggering Issue for her, maybe you should work on that mkay hahahahaha. so you dont force her to beat you with a shovel.

yeah this guys a huge pussy and doesnt even deserve an abusive gf…….but even weak unmanly shitlib sjw swpl phaggots dont deserve to be abused and threatened by their relship partners!

degen icelandic feminist whores sing triggering song about how they are huge buttsluts who love to take it up the ass. because it destroys patriarchy and destroys toxic masculinity and shows solidarity with oppressed gays. an acceptable form of appropriation hahaha. also stick it to the prudish squares. let your white daughter become a horrible anal wh0re hehehehe.

https://heartiste.wordpress.com/2015/08/27/white-nationalist-game/

heh heartiste might be ONE OF US hahahaha

http://archive.is/EuSlG

8pol thread related

ive been rejected by women before……but this one has been THE WORST.

yeah i will survive, i am probably getting a little better, but shit. at this point my woman hating levels are THROUGH THE ROOF.

but the good news is that more pro-white than ever before. i might even just admit that I Am A “White Nationalist.”

well i dont like labels, but i am definitely not Anti White Nationalist! And I Am White and HOLY FOOK I LUV BEING WHITE!!!!!!!! and I feel great loyalty to my RACE.

prior to 2012 i was very open to Race Realism but I didnt want to apply the label to myself. Was not all hardcore 1488 hahahaha. but when i got rejected by woman2012 i decided to go all in and be like fook it. i hate nonwhites and women hahahaha. im not trying to win any bitches approval. if anything i want to signal for white women who also believe in the 14 words like me!!!!!!!!!! and countersignal to fooking mudsharks, race traitors, sluts, etc.

oh i can fook whoever i want whenever i want and its not cheating because i never agreed that our rel was MONOGAMOUS hahahahahaha ayyyyyyy lmao idk ikr tbh fam smh

i hate it when bitches harshly dump you because you didnt READ THEIR MIND correctly. and asked for clarification about the complicated issues. i thought women LOVED to TALK about COMPLICATED DRAMA. sometimes but not always. sometimes theyd just rather show you shitloads of hostile disrespect, more disrepect than you would show the dirtiest whore, they show to YOU, even though you were a important part of each others LIVES for YEARS. nope. it dont matta. nunnadis mattas. WHO CARES. MEANS NOTHING. you’re just worthless garbage. like you never existed.

I GAVE HER MANY CHANCES. SHE GAVE ME NO CHANCE.

went to Gym and focused mostly on my new incline fetish. no its not a fetish, its just a new interest. SCHLOMO wants to denigate all your HEALTHY interests into “fetishes.” well that said, there are actual fetishes, and they are degenerate and should be shamed and shunned. but dont call a healthy gym thing a fetish cuz its not.

anyway went all out there on at least a 5% incline if not 6, and now feel much more tired and like the muscles got a serious Workout. so i can have a nice Muscular Ass so Tyrone and Mohamed can Pozz me and i can be a good Power Bottom hahahahaha. hahahahaha. no thats obv degenerate af.

but yeah that was good ultimately. think i am getting a cold tho. that is not good but hay at least i dont have to go into the Contact Center with 50 other hacking coughing sneezing people and answer phones all day.

i was suprised at how FEW blacks there were there. because blacks in Contact Centers will often give you the runaround and say they cant help you, get this info and call back, because they dont want to put in the effort and thought to solve the problem. however whites care and whites have real empathy and actually honestly want to help you, so they put their own quality scorecard and therefore their jobs at risk by taking longer to help you. and then bringing work problems home with them, studying in between shifts, until they go crazy and either go postal, K others, K themselves, or quit, because they dont want to be like a black and just quit. well i am willing to quit a job because i am a spoiled neet and a disgrace to my white race!

if the job were less ridiculous i might not have quit it. if SHE wasnt there i definitely would not have quit it. i was not man enough to take both struggles and stressors at once. i broke down like a little omega neet fuccboi boipucci neet wizard virgin manlet with no agency. a piece of white trash hahahaha. even white TRASH was good enough to hold onto the job!

but yeah her karma is a lot worse than mine. its bad karma to quit a job…….but not super bad. -1 to her -20. -30, -50.  it is horrible karma to ABORT or DELETE someone from your life that you had A Good Relationship with for a matter of YEARS. how would ANYONE react to that? even the most normie chad would be PRETTY DAMN UPSET.

and thank god i dont have to LIVE with that hanging over my head forever! she will just push it down deep though and Forget It All. It Never Happened. is THIS REALLY the kind of person I want to be sharing the rest of my life with? OF COURSHE NOT!

but it sucks that she is capable of treating some OTHER guy right and being a great wife to HIM! but she decided I wasnt worthwhile enough to treat with even a LITTLE respect. im not asking for a LOT. im asking for a LITTLE, and IMHO i had a Reasonable Expectation to a Little. and i want reasonable good wifeworthy less than 3 dix women to agree with me on that.

I was BTFOd. COMPLETELY. BTFOD. did i deserved to get BTFOd? no. at worst i deserved to have her bitch at me for a little bit, but that would involve talking to me. she couldnt even care enough to talk to me to bitch at me. damn.

how can someone who you were so close to you, do something SO COLD to you?

i figured she didnt like like me, but I also thought that she LIKED me as a person a LOT. put a lot of VALUE on me. and when people VALUE you, they don’t TUALAPOG/Abort/Delete you.

shift+delete you!

so now if someone says or acts like they value me as a person, how am i to know theyre not bullshitting?

and i dont think she WAS bullshitting.

blame it on the fooking MJ. the DEVILS cabbage. the HERBAL J00. it CLOUDS YOUR MIND and stupid stoners LAFF about that (“the halflings pipe-leaf has Clouded Their Mind” LOLOLOLOLOLOL) and laff about that, without realize it can cloud your mind on very IMPORTANT shit, like making decisions of MORALITY and doing the right thing. throw this person away then just smoke w33d for years and its like IT NEVER HAPPENED. cheat, kill your baby, neglect your children, and just smoke w33d all the time and its like the shit never happened.

see when i smoked weed, if i wasnt anxious as fook, i felt GUILTY for being a bad horrible weak shitty person. smoking w33d would certain INCREASE my guilt if I did something HORRIBLE to another person!

but it doesnt appear to have that effect on her at all! nope! just chills her right out!

is this the type of woman you want to share the rest of your life with? mother of your children? just because shes WHITE and under 30 and doesnt have any bastard kids????

but you get along really really well and feel really close to hahahaha.

maybe i was just so desperate for a woman that that desperation finally sparked my feelings. and if i had real OPTIONS, i would see how she should not be the first priority.

but i had no options. no plates spinning hahahaha.

maybe if i did, she would have wanted me. lawd knows when SHE had some changes in HER relship status, that sparked MY interest and pushed me over the edge!

When she had a Long Term BF, i had no interest in luv, or secs, as women prefer to call it hahahaha.

when that rel ended, i said HMMM. i really get along with this woman very well, we are good close friends, shes not unattractive, shes got no kids, shes got really nice hair and white skin and legs, shes super nice, she treats me well…….HMMM.

(she did not use me as a Beta Orbiter Crying Shoulder Emotional Support, so that was good? although i was very willing to give her emo support if she neeeded it.)

then there was the biggest regret time of july 2014 where we hung out and she was super nice to me, but i was still going HRMMMM and did not make a move.

but its very possible that she was just nice to me because she was NORMALLY nice to me! but once she figured out i might like her…..she became very NOT nice to me. bad sign hahahaha. and imho much more than a shit test or bitch shield.

yep this whole tragic sad story illustrates the tragedy of white trash. they are our white kith and kin and we should treat them as such…..but they are just so goddamn heartbreakingly disappointing. they can come SO CLOSE to shaking off the Trashy aspect and fully embrace their white potential…..but at their highest point, they Choose Poorly and start sinking back into the muck and the mud forevermore. but you WANT to help them. you know what theyre capable of. you know they could be so much better if they just didnt make such bad choices and have such bad habits. usually broken families and drugs/alcohol. the damage schlomo does to these poor white families! it should make your white blood boil!

it almost feels like a religious calling for me. the one thing i am really passionate about in a world of despair and disappointment and failure, largely my own, is The White Race. it is essentially my religion. or as some WN thinkers would say, Nature’s Eternal Religion. Sounds good to me!

who do you hang out with if YOU YOURSELF are the negative influence, and no healthy normies want to hang out with losers? You wouldnt hang out with a loser like you! you know well enough that you should SHUN losers, because bad company brings you down!

well…..hehehehe its not true that i wouldnt hang out with me. ID HANG OUT WITH ME SO HARD. i am pleasantly surprised by my confidence there. i am completely unconfident i can get a job or get a woman, but i am very confident that i am hangoutwithable and that i can lose weight.

of courshe it doesnt help manlets like me to lose weight because if you are under 5’10 you are INVISIBLE to women, they dont care if youre fat or thin. (disqualifying the positive)

well i could get a real shitty job like nonstop customer service in companies with VERY high turnover except by the most desperate, like me hahahaha.

and i could very likely get a 30 year old nonwhite woman, maybe a SQUAT GUAT or a Fat Laotian or a Fat Black Woman. Black Women are usually single and they actually like me. black women LOVE me and show me great interest. well not really but they are generally pretty nice to me. i could probably pull a 30 year old black woman with black kids if i were that desperate. and i dont want to be that desperate!

not that they dont deserve somebody 2 Luv! everybody deserves someone 2 Luv!

but as an avowed out of the closet White Nationalist 1488, Interracial Dating and especially MATING is, Y’KNOW, like kinda important to me!

ridiculous QUOTE from my own What 2 Say In An Interview File:
Economics has taught me that everything has a COST. Also about the laws of supply and demand. Marketing has taught me how to create demand and add value.

do not trash you current company when interviewing for a new job. If they ask you why you are leaving, tell them you are happy with what you accomplished at old company but are looking for a place that can provide longer term growth and challenges.

You HAVE to have a thick skin. You HAVE to be able to take “hazing”, whether its from clients or co workers. They probably dont mean it personally, and more importantly, you have to control your emotions, not let them control you. It may be that the person is testing you to see how you deal under pressure. Of course its under pressure that our true self comes out, and we have the chance to really prove ourselves…or choke. If its a coworker simply trying to get under your skin, you can let their words roll right off of you like water off a ducks back, and even give them a taste of their own medicine. If its a client, you simply ignore the disrespect and “kill them with kindness.” In short, in the real world, people don’t always treat you the way you would like to be treated, and you can’t let it bother you, or you won’t get far in life. Sometimes people also push you or test you to see how much they can get away with, and whether or not you will be flustered by verbal jibes or japes. I have self respect and wont allow myself to be treated as a doormat, however I also know how to respect authority and submit when a superior is ordering me to do something. I personally do not usually test people in this way. I simply use the golden rule and treat everybody the way I want to be treated, and I want to be treated with RESPECT.

you can’t just have a Big Picture View. You have to have a Tiny Picture View as well. Super Macro AND Super Micro. you need to be like the EAGLE soaring above at 5000 feet, and be able to see a mouse on the ground below, and zoom in on it with laser like precision. Essentially zoom in from a 5000 foot view to a 1 foot view in a second, with equal clarity at both levels, and at all levels in between. What good is someone who can see super macro and super micro, but they cant discern the large gray area in between? You might see the forest, and you might see a tree…..but could you see HALF the trees? I bring a wide range of accuracy and detail to thought and vision. I am efficient working and solving problems at ALL levels.

Efficiency without effectiveness is not efficient.

Effectiveness without efficiency is not effective.

END

I literally have at least 8 hours of me reading the bullshit in that huge file. not sure how many pages it is, but it is 44000 words, which is about 6-7 times longer than this post so far.

WHAT IF once she hits 30 she contacts me and wants to get Together 4 Realz and fully apologizes and feels bad for what she did. Would I be stupid and desperate enough to accept? probably, if that were the end of the story.

so start adding layers of Red Flags.

what if she has a bastard kid from some deadbeat.

what if the bastard is half BLACK.

what if she has TWO white bastards.

she would CERTAINLY have elevated her number above the National Median of 3. But would she be above 10? 20?

if she had NONE of these dealbreakers i probably would.

she would probably be making more money than me anyway ayyy lmao.

what if she had had x abortions during that time?

assuming a woman would tell you the truth about the number of ABORTIONS she’s had. they are more likely to tell the truth about the number of COX they’ve had! unless they are an out and out abortion lover and baby life hater, in which case……very big red flag.

at 30 she would prob still look ok (unless she doesnt!!!!) but she would look a hell of a lot worse than she looks now! she still has a valuable couple of years before she hits 30!

but i’m OVER 30 ffs!!!!!!!

so what. i would have married young if i had the opportunity. i didnt. or i was too weak to MAKE the opportunity. so now im an older man who wants a younger woman. that is pretty natural actually tbh fam.

but i totally would have married young if i were in a good, healthy, LTR with a young, decent woman. i wouldnt throw it away for some grass is greener bullshit, or some Discover Yourself and Experience The “World” bullshit that women do hahahahaha. and throw away good men who loved them and would have been good husbands for them.

well also if i had a decent career too would be a plus. the Top 10% of Whites do have good careers at age 21. you just got to OUTCOMPETE people to get there and be the 10% best in your field. i did not do this obviously.

though i was in the top 10% for grade school and high school! then became Perfectly Average 50% in college, and after college, my stock kept falling and falling hahahahaha to the point where i wont even state the basics of my life because its just too shameful. basically a huge underachieving white neet. nothing BUT shame in my game!

for rich or poorer, for better or worse, through good times or bad. i never met a bitch that was willing to stick with me through the tuff times.

i guess thats not TOO weird. you gotta EARN it. its a STRUGGLE. its a hero’s quest to find your true maiden. i get that.

but uhhhhh how about you just show me a shred of mercy when you BOLT at the first sign of struggle. say SORRY for leaving me in the lurch before you go jump on the c0k carousel.

im not even sure wordly sluts know of the term cok carousel. ive used the term around men who loved it, well that there was a word for that sort of thing, but ive never used it in conversation with women.

they would probably say ewww thats nasty but still essentially BE ON the cok carousel as they say that.

harder to rationalize away that cognitive dissonance after youre 30 and unmarried. better have a baby with the next deadbeat so you can have some meaning in your life and have someone to chain to you, because its sure as hell not going to be a Good Man. so just use an defenseless, innocent little Human Life you irresponsibly created, B!TCH!

hahahahahaha def a bit of an Anger sort of day.

this is why its hard to get along with women and be friends with them. cuz they are such horrible people hahahaha. so its amazing i even FOUND a woman i got along with very well, and became good friends! you can pump and dump MONSTERS, but can you really Like and Respect them? of COURSHE not!

with couples who are always breaking up and getting back together with each other 10 times, they are still talking and fooking and can actually EXPRESS this sort of anger with each other, instead of just leaving the person alone in their own hell which you had a 50% hand in creating.

and after arguing and arguing and breaking up and getting back together 10 times, BOTH people can say, welp theres no gas left in the tank anymore. this is a dead shark. we are BOTH done. i dont hate you, i wish you well, but this rel is dead, and neither one of us can or wants to bring it back. thanks for the good times, and have a good life.

i SO much would have preffered that. THAT would have been 6000000 times better than TUALAPOG.

just let both parties argue and scream until there is nothing left to say, no gas left in the tank, no anger left, no luv left. that would be SO FOOKIN AWESOME. I WOULD LUV THAT. GIMME THAT ALL DAY OVER THIS.

hmm. in like sept and oct 2014, when i was JUST STARTING to get feelings for her, i was like a BOSS. i didnt like my job but i wasnt in danger of QUITTING IT due to Emotional Insecurity; I said YEP i am gonna TALK to her SOON and get that over with, whats next. hopefully find a better job and get the fook outta here and maybe get a Nice GF for once in my life, maybe. I even used a bit of Playful Tuff Guy Chad GAME with her, saying, I’ll pick where were going (because i know thats how to Win Gurls Approval hahahahaha) and such.

then she had a series of GOOD excuses as well as not so good excuses. tgiving and xmas and new years passed….and NO HANG OUT. i was frustrated. I HAD NOT SEEN THIS COMING. I THOUGHT FOR SURE we would have hung out and talked about this by now.

then job got even worse, and i got even worse, and the excuses got worse. i texted her cutesy shit almost every day and got Warm Fuzzies when she responded. but i had dozens of text drafts i DIDNT send her. that were basically playful fun ways of me telling her i liked her. shit i should have just send some of those. then i would have saved a few months, she prob wouldnt have reacted AS bad, and the issue would be out there.  blurting it out does not have to be all serious. it could have been any one of those dozens of silly texts.

heh. DONT YOU EVEN CARE HOW MY LIFE IS GOING, YOU STUPID COWARDLY B1TCH!!!!!!

i could be dead, in a psych ward, started drinking again, in jail for all she knows.

not that i would EVER K myself over a woman and more importantly, i’d never threaten a woman with that, because thats really really horrible apparently hahahahahaha. then you are the bad guy. then you DID do something horribly wrong and not be aware of it.

WELL I NEVER DID THAT and hopefully never will.

heh. she is prob busy with the busy time at the job right now. hopefully getting the same confusing bullshit I got. i want it to get under HER skin and her to get flustered and frustrated so she knows how I felt. and then have her work friends STAHP giving her moral support. but when has a WOMAN ever stahpped getting moral support. someone is always there to hold their hand through the tuff times hahahahaha. but we MEN do it ALONE.

well i got moral support from other people than her thank god. but it was so disappointing to see someone whod once been your Real Life Friend, shrink back to your Work Friend, to just a Work Acquaintance, to NOBODY.

it happens. but i never left a person in the lurch when they were reaching out to me. i ALWAYS responded and apologized. even if it was kinda half hearted hahahaha. also no one was ever really that DESPERATE to reach out to me. but if they WERE, id respond to them. try to ease their worried mind at least a LITTLE bit. show them a LITTLE kindness to someone who was once my friend.

thats all i wanted hahahaha. just a LITTLE kindness. not a lot.

 

 

MUH SIDE D1CK FREEDUMZ / PRON IS MORE DEGEN THAN H00KERZ

0117

heh back up 2 pounds again even though i have been technically under muh calorie limit every day. must be water weigh. drink 32 oz of coffee before getting on the scale hahahaha. i hope so.

guys on fatherland made very good point: how would you feel if you met a decent gurl and she said: well from the ages of 15 to 25 I was watching sleazy and degen porno every single day and rubbin it out and flickin the bean to sleazy degen porno every day for 10 years.

wouldnt you be a bit taken aback by that? well she might not be a slut but youd think this has to affect her in some way.

they are vehemently antiporn and so am i. i am ashamed i ever looked at it and its hard to get away from altogether. but i recommend my fellow neets just shut it down entirely. delete everything, quit it cold turkey. nothing good can come of it. short term or ESPECIALLY long term. like they say, it “rewires your brain” so you cant get off to regular normal secs, that you dont even KNOW what normal secs is. because 99.99 of your secsual experiences have been beating off to sleazy degen MIND CONTROL rather than with real women. just imagine the sleazy merchant rubbing his hands…..BECAUSE HE REALLY LITERALLY IS.  I WONDER WHO COULD BE BEHIND THIS.

so she thought i betrayed her but i really didnt. but i can convince her i didnt because she refuses to listen to me. so ahhhh what. DID i really betray her? sometimes you feel betrayed when a gurl fooks other guys, then you say babe i feel you betrayed me when you fooked that other guy then she says THATS YOUR ISSUE, we arent even dating, weve just been casually hanging out and chilling for a few months, i can fook other guys, didnt you know that? no i didnt betray you, this isnt a real rel.

see thats an example of bullshit. the gurl says i didnt betray you, but yeah you KINDA DID.

i hope im not doing that. saying i didnt betray her, but YEAH I KINDA DID.

but getting feelings for a friend of 2+years, and fooking around with side dick in a bullshit casual hang out secs rel, are two VERY DIFF THINGS. APPLES AND ROTTEN ORANGES.

so i sat in church and thought about it. ruminated.

so if youre having casual sexs with a guy but hes in luv with you and doesnt want you fooking other guys, uhhh the right thing to do is to call him and tell him youre going to fook another guy before you do it. not hide it because you figure its none of his business.

so the right thing to do when you get feelings for a friend is TELL them. not hide it? i wasnt hiding it though, i was signaling and hinting like mad. and i wanted to tell her. i didnt NOT want to tell her. and i thought we would eventually hang out and talk. i figured THAT was way more likely than her cutting me off entirely!

ok so they are both moral gray areas, right? but “pseudocheating” is MORE shady because you are actually taking a direct action that is gonna hurt someone. getting feelings for someone is less of an action. also it doesnt involve a third party.

its less “SHADY” to develop feelings for someone. its positive feelings for a person. your heart opens to them. you dont want to trick or hurt or lie to them.you just want to luv them. you dont want to keep them in their little box while you go flex MUH SIDE DICK FREEDUMZ.

see how fooked up your mind gets? you become unsure if having feelings for someone is as morally wrong as pseudocheating on a guy who likes you. or a girl. who is more justified in feeling BETRAYED?

ok what do the experts on the internet say. i think my shrink confirmed that getting feelings for a friend was not considered BETRAYING them.

https://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/owning-pink/201209/the-worst-kind-betrayal

hehehe a bti of tangent. author sez the worst kidn of betrayal is one person gradually disengaging and disconnecting, one day at a time. well that kinda describes what SHE did to ME hahahaha. just slowly stop caring, while the other person keeps caring.

not sure what the fix to this is. author was unclear. i would guess open, honest, complete communication.

“””

What is betrayal in a relationship?
Betrayal is a breaking of trust and goodwill in a relationship that can take a long time to heal from and can leave us changed forever. It has broken marriages, ended long term friendships and created rifts in families that can span generations.

What is the definition of betrayal in a relationship?
Betrayal’s root is betray, which comes from the Middle English word bitrayen — meaning “mislead, deceive.” Betrayal has to do with destroying someone’s trust, possibly by lying. If you start dating your best friend’s girlfriend behind his back, that’s an act of betrayal.

“”””””

all the search results assume you know youve actually been betrayed. not asking whether or not x is considered betrayal. hmmm. BUT according to those definiteions…..

well i broke her trust in me, and her goodwill towards me. i continued to have trust and goodwill to her, but that is irrelevant, cuz i betrayed her, she didnt betray ME. well except by slowly stopping caring about me hahaha.

i dunno. i just hate the thought that i BETRAYED someone.

well according to the second definition: i did not LIE or mislead or deceive her. i was just…..scared to tell the whole truth. i hinted at the truth. i never explicitly DENIED the truth. if she had asked me, do you like me, i would have to say yes!!!!! i would not say no!!!!!

http://www.wikihow.com/Get-Over-a-Friend’s-Betrayal

step 1 is ask yourself if it was a MISUNDERSTANDING. uh yeah i think it WAS!!!!!! and we could have gotten to the bottom of this MISUNDERSTANDING by talking about it.

well there was no misunderstanding that i liked her, it was her misunderstanding that me liking her constituted a betrayal or not.

just like some beta pvssy misunderstanding that the slut hes banging is allowed to bang other guys. you THINK its a betrayal but its really NOT.

yeah well again i must say: in the good old traditional days, being promiscuous and nonmonogamous was RIGHTLY considered DEGENERATE AND WRONG AND IMMORAL.

in the good old traditional days, falling in luv with a female friend would not be considered DEGENERATE at ALL. unfortunate and sad and tragic, but not degenerate.

but if shes convinced its a betrayal AND shes not willing to talk to me about it, theres nothing i can do. yes dr nerdluv, i STOPPED contacting her. phaggot.

google EXAMPLES of betrayal. ok

http://www.excelatlife.com/articles/betrayed.htm

“”””””

Loss of the Illusion. Even more confusing, however, is that sometimes loss can be the loss of an illusion. Frequently, we develop in our minds the way we think things “should” be. However, reality doesn’t always correspond with the demands that we put on life, ourselves, and others. Therefore, sometimes we are hurt when we have to face this reality. For instance, imagine children who grow up in the fortunate experience of having parents who always put the needs of their children first. But what they don’t know is that their parents are unhappy together. Those children become young adults and are confronted with their parents telling them that they are getting a divorce. Frequently, those children feel betrayed by the illusion of the happy family they always thought they had. Suddenly they are confronted with a hurtful reality.

Another example is that a man marries a woman and thinks of her as a virtuous, moral person. Later he finds out that she had numerous [i.e., 30+ hehehehehehehehe] sexual encounters prior to their relationship. He has lost his concept of how he thought of his wife. He feels betrayed even though she didn’t do anything to break her committed to him; his sense of betrayal is the loss of the illusion of how he thought of his wife.

However, even if the betrayal is the loss of the illusion, the grief is very real and needs to be dealt with. Sometimes this is hard to do because the person is told and believes that they shouldn’t feel so strongly about something that was not an actual betrayal of them. So with this type of loss a person is often tempted to move on too quickly without resolving it.   ”

http://www.support4change.com/index.php?option=com_content&view=article&id=104&Itemid=145

it was kind of a secret, but a secret i WANTED to tell her. but i was SCARED to say it blatantly, (thats on me, fine) but also i think it IS reasonable to have a Safe Secure Space to tell such an important secret, not blurting it out in the middle of a stressful day of work. but rather, hanging out one on one with the mutual intent of having an uninterrupted conversation. i will NEVER think thats unreasonable. also i will NEVER admit that me getting feelings for her was WRONG. so i guess that answers my question right there.

theres a difference between hiding something degenerate, and being scared to shout out something nondegenerate.

so i tried a “pressure release valve” in other ways, like totally changing the way i acted with her, namely, being more lovey dovey, more soft and tender and faggy. yeah in hindsight i know women dont like soft and faggy. but i was just acting like i cared about her more, was more interested in her all of the sudden, because i was. and i know she noticed the change in my behavior. she could have wanted to talk about that, but she didnt. because she probably KNEW what it signified, and she really didnt want that to happen, because it Shattered her illusion that I would never ever get feelings for her.

so uhhhh its good to talk abotu Contingency Plans BEFORE anybody gets feelings, on how youre gonna talk about it, IF somebody gets feelings. check in early and check in often. communicate about it.

i was the goodest goy. meaning i played right into the enemy’s greedy rubbing hands:

good goy, yes enjoy the herbal j00, its not a drug its a medicine, that helps you RELAX and EXPAND YOUR MIND in a safe holistic way, goy. realizing YEARS later when i am a huge loser that herbal J is not so kewl.

good goy yes, theres nothing wrong with pronography, its all consenting adults, and this is a safe healthy way to Explore Sexuality, which can only be good! yes goy the more porn the better. realizing YEARS later that pron is just godawful horrible filth that needs to be first in the oven.

yes goy good goy, rebel against those hateful arrogant christians, they are so closed minded and hateful, become a smart intellectual intelligent atheist. how dare they say that gays go to hell, gays are nice people. how dare they damn you to hell for liking to beat the mean to pron.

this was unfortunate too. it was prob my rebellion against the church that came before all others and got me on the path of J degeneracy. what i was too young and stupid to realize was, i agreed with 90% of the morals and values of the church. in terms of being a good person, doing the right thing, not being a degenreate slut. but I had to rebel against those good moral values just because there was the stamp of GOD GOD GOD GOD GOD all over it.

what I’m saying is, these values are not limited to a christian god. and even today I like to try to Morally Justify them without “because Goooooooddddddddd”. in other words, you dont need to be a christian to hate degeneracy and pron and sluttery and all that.

but when i was young i figured everything the religion said was bad, so i rebelled against it all. i rebelled against virtue and goodness and became a disgusting evil nihilist degenerate!!!!!!!!!! and reveled in all sorts of decadent J00ish degeneracy that sure as hell made schlomo rub his hands and say yessssssss gooooood goy!!!!!!

and then i said, well the VALUES/VIRTUES they talked about in church are not bad at all, these are the good traditional morals I support.

but they arent TIED to one religion.

when i was young i didnt see how i could reject the religion without rejecting the values! so i became a piece of degen filth. and for this reason i am damaged goods and i really dont DESERVE a pure innocent woman, because im not pure or innocent either.

well in my credit i never did gay sex or promiscuous gay sex, standard fook parties hahahaha. and i never hurt people or treated people like disposable meat. other than the lost soul gurls in the porno i watched. most of the damage i did to myself. i didnt really hurt others.

thankfully i got tired of that nihilistic lifestyle and came back to the traditional values. realizing that i didnt have to be religious.

but by that time i was more tolerant of the religion and figured they might not be so bad if they agreed with me so much on these moral issues.

i just as a teen had a real NON SERVIAM!!!! reaction to god this and jesus that. the shit wasnt even really that BAD in hindsight. i dont know what my damn problem was. i think i just wanted to find a group to fit in with. or i wanted to impress GIRLS somehow. and i liked being aa rebel. so just rebel against everything, even good right minded stuff. rebel just to rebel. stupid.  rebelled against good stuff that would have helped me become a successful adult with good job, good wife, children, all the stuff i want now.

so yeah in a way i am born again, a prodigal son, etc.

i was not a good enough man to deserve a good woman like her!

well at least i can be SURE that if i ever have feelings for a woman again (probably wont, getting too old hahaha) that i will nip it in the bud re the problem of feelings hahahaha.

write a fooking email and have your mom send it, i dont care. delegate your mom to be your liaison to me. i was never flipping out with angry or weird emails. i just wrote long and sappy emails.

no i NEVER said if you leave me / dont respond to me i will “do something crazy” or K self. NEVER said that. never WOULD say anything like that EVER. before you accuse me hahaha.

shit to be shown PITY would be much better than getting NOTHING. have PITY for the pathetic, pitiful person you are dumping, and show them that PITY.  normally getting pity is not great but its better than being thrown away like a piece of shit!

CARE enough to TRY to EXPLAIN yourself.

there were red flags, there were warnings and hints, things were obviously bad. i just didnt think they were THIS bad, that she was SO CLOSE to doing something SO drastic! give me an ULTIMATUM at least. this is the type of thing that needs an ultimatum delivered beforehand: you do this, and i will cut you off entirely. but there was no ultimatum given. that would involve serious communication.

if there WERE, then i probably would have told her my “secret” then!

had some nyquil, abut 65% dose at 640pm. yikes. taking night off of fatclub, it is 12 degrees out there, -3 with wind chill. also i am under my 1560 calories today.

shit. with all the porno i watched, i would be equally morally degenerate as a woman whose taken X cox. 10? 20? 30? god damn i shudder to think.

maybe if somebody explained it to me that way. that by looking at this porno, thats the equivalent of a lost soul slut taking yet another cok to fill the void inside.

cuz even at my most degen, i never really liked sluts. because they would “cheat” on you, lose interest in you quickly, give up on you quickly, youre nothing special to them, they’ll leave you for another guy quickly. that or they will bang every guy BUT you hahaha. no i never defended sluttiness. even if i defended pornography.

well i think i always felt SOMETHING that porno was not all schlomo said it was hahaha. that there is just SOMETHING not good about it. but muh dick. muh dick needs to quickly get off now. erry day.

think about it. list the pros and cons of pron. if somebody even just asked me: DOES THIS HAVE ANY ACTUAL BENEFITS? What is honestly GOOD about this?

all you can say is that it is some hawt shit that gets your dik roc hard and so horny and you wish you could do THAT with a gurl.

but as you graduate into the weirder shit…..i mean thats not really what secs IS. even if gurls all do buttfooking now in 2016 hahahaha.

anyway. what GOOD does the porn do? and guys look at it every DAY. and have TERBYTES of it saved. organized into FOLDERS. looking for HOURS to find the perfect picture or video to Finish With. yet you cant even TALK To real life women and you have not touched a real woman in YEARS. shit yeah thats a problem.

yes, its less degen for a man to go to a HOOKER, than to look at goddamn PRON. i WISH, instead of looking at pron for years, i just would have gone to a hooker once in a while.

cuz its real secs, and really interacting with a person. experiencing the real world.

welp im sure that if you go to a hooker you will probably look at porn too. how many people only go to hookers but DONT look at porn.

point is, going to a hooker once a year or once every 3 months is WAY better than beating off to porn every day.

also, think of successful men you admire with wives and families. think THEY were always beating off to PORN? its horrible stuff. but i figured it was ok because the CHURCH said it was bad, and oh those idiots think EVERYTHING is a SIN. NON SERVIAM!!!!!

regardless of being a sin, it would be degenerate and horrible even for atheist faggots. it was harmful to me when i was an antitheist faggot!

so i used the date of 10/15/15 as the last time i looked at pron, which is a very ruff estimate. it was PROBABLY earlier, like oct 1, or sept 15. and added that to my “days since” spreadsheet so i can say its been 187 days since shit hit the fan with HER, 153 days since ive sent the last ever email to her, (34 days in between in which 2 additional emails sent),  13 days since got a haircut, 94 days since i last looked at pron (ruff, low estimate), and….1 day since i last…..uh beat the meat hahahaha. thinking of some semi random semi attractive gurl I used to work with hahaahaha. who had a good body and wuld be fun to fook. had no feelings towards her, talked to her like 2 times, and nothing in depth. doubt she even knew my name. imagined vigorous but hopefully not to degen secs. the goal is to now go cold turkey on that and see if my “testosterone” builds up. because it goes down to 0 whenever you beat off (CITATION NEEDED HAHAHAHA)!!!!! and takes 100 days to get back to 100% again. hahahaha.

known knowns. unknown knowns. unknown unknowns. known unknowns.

this is the type of stuff donald rumsfeld would rustle jimmies with but it certainly rustled jimmies at my job. you dont know what you dont know. you dont even know if what you’re thinking of exists or CAN exist.

so unknown knowns are the hardest to conceptualize.

well maybe not. like when you see something, and you say, i have no idea what this, or whats going on here, or what to do about it. but i might as well do something so i can buy myself some time to bullshit some speculation on it.

anyway.

PAYOFF MATRIX

916

hehehe it comes in waves. this is all so stupid. well it does make sense, i am very devastated because the Luv Was Real. because I Knew Her, THEN the Luv came on. with the other broads, i was truly in luv with a fantasy. you start off with immediate infatuation, always bargaining with them for time, hangouts, and the secs which is the only currency they understand, trying to be a macho man, then 3 months later or less they dump you and it hurts a lot, but really you NEVER KNEW THEM. they were in and out of your life in 3 months. you wanted to know them but you never really knew them. this is how modern women have sexual relationshits hahahaha.

well with her i thought i really KNEW her, from two years of issue free friendship. when i first met her i was getting over another woman, i couldnt even have feelings for anybody else for a while, i was in a hateful, loveless, nihilistic phase much like now, except then i had some kind of easy low paying job and a nice new female fren hahahaha.

so there were no stupid secs games, just two people slowly getting to know each other over a period of much longer than 3 months, no begging or bargaining, just a mutual win win situation.

only after i really knew her did some super strong feelings come in like a flood.

so yeah that mean the luv was more real, and based on a real foundation.

and was even harder to lose!

and not in a good way either. a beautiful thing ended int he worst possible way.

and im sure it WAS a positive thing for her until late last year, when she started checking out.

well ill never know what she was thinking. maybe she wasnt checking out. she was probably confused like i was!

but yeah it was natural for me to fight to keep the rel, there was nothing else i COULD do! it wasnt really a challenge, i wasnt gonna NOT fight for it! i didnt really HAVE a choice.

also, what did i WANT. what was my INCENTIVE. what was my potential PAYOFF. a luving rel with muh perfect woman. pretty big payoff. of COURSE i did what i had to do.

now she had a choice. she could either have an awkward tuff talk with me, or just walk away and quit.

CUI BONO?

WHO? WHOM?

hahahaha.

ANYWAY the only possibly PAYOFF for HER fro talking to me was to get good karma, and Let Me Down Easy, do a Favor for a Former Friend. BUT the cons were it was an extremely awkward talk where i would probably beg her and act weird. so the pros did not outweigh the cons for her. the payoff was not worth it for her. for me, the payoff was immensely worth it. my payoff was a True Luving Relship. for her there was no such payoff because she did not like me.

the payoff for Doing and Saying Nothing was, she got to get out of the Relship like she wanted, and she got to avoid a painful conversation. win win for her. lose lose for me. zero sum game hahahahaha.

“but luv is not a zero sum game”

well when it is one sided luv, it sure as fook is!!!!!!! like this case.

path of least resistance. avoiding uncomfortable conversations WHERE there is no big payoff to you.

i was begging to have the uncomfortable conversation because the payoff to me was HUGE.

she was desperate to NOT have the uncomft convo because there was no real convincing payoff for her. so i might hate her less, so it would be better karma. OR she could just be DONE with the whole overwhleming overbearing intolerable situation RIGHT NOW. so its not surprising why or how she went that route.

payoffs. do what you want to do. the payoffs influence/are your wants. and if you really want it, you will do it. because of the payoff.  the pros outweigh the cons hahaha. very simple.

if anything its a negative sum game. i had a net negative experience. i wish id never met her. the costs outweighed the benefits of the entire relationship. we had some very good times, but it wasnt’ worth the pain that followed.

i would assume her experience was less negative because she had less invested. but she probably just forgot abotu the good times, or realizes its the past, the past is gone, look forward to a fun future of cocks and badbois and excitement and unexpected pregnancies.

so, forget the good times, and get the annoyance (UGH.) of a loser weirdo in luv with you.

for me, the past was very very good, but the heartbreak was very very very very very painful. add them up and what do you get. very very very painful and bad. the end.

net loss. my life would have been better if i had never met her. period. the end.

now when a real relationship  (well, we kinda did have some kind of real relationship tho, a two year friendship) ends WELL, both parties can agree, that ran its course, it was a GOOD RUN, but we can both agree there is no future here, so have a good life, good bye.

when both people want out, not when one person desperately wants IN , the other person desperately wants OUT.

so yeah everything really does make sense. people do what they really want, given the payoffs they are aiming for, measuring the costs and benefits. there was a huge potential benefit to me to pursue her, to go all in for in; there was really no potential benefit to her to even TALK to me, except KARMA, and even that was not a convincing or valuable enough payoff.

the good karma was not worth the trouble of an extremely awkward conversation, and probably me being pushy and bargaining and begging and pleading during that conversation, and pushing for MORE conversations, being unable to let go, etc.

so i got the book “getting past your breakup” by susan elliott i think is the name, opened it up to a random page and read,

“reaching out to the ex to request closure is just an EXCUSE FOR MAINTAINING CONTACT WITH THEM”.

and Real Closure Comes from Within, not from the other person. when a loved one DIES, you CANT get closure from THEM!!!!!!

so i liked that. requesting closure is an excuse to maintain contact with them. and thats exactly what i had done.

so that is good to know. look forward to reading this book moar.

of course every 25 year old woman is a Relationship Expert just because they have been with lots of guys, and they know that Closure is a Myth. but she didnt want to tell me that because i have to learn that lesson myself. fook that. i am 10 times better at relationships that her even though her longest rel is literally 20 times longer than mine.

it would have been interesting to study her relships though. thats why you ask them abotu it directly.

like so and so is dull and shows you know affection any more and you wish he loved you. well did he ever? what was he like in the first 6 months? did he take you on dates then and cuddle with you, or did he just sit around and grumble and drink and be very grumpy and inattentive to your needs? if so, why didnt you just bail like you did with me? well because she was in luv with him and not me, prob because he was moar masculine and manly.

so fookin stupid. worst pain in the world. like getting stabbed over and over in the heart all day every day for months and months and months. time for another 3.1 miler hahaha while i try to stop analyzing the stupid End Of The Relationship and Life Without Her, one of the most positive things in muh life, it was kind of a fantasy but kind of not, because i actually did know her! which made the luv more real, and the heartbreak more painful, and the way she did it more ridiculous.

also avoiding job search hahahaha. fook mah life hahahaha.

https://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/getting-back-out-there/201506/when-the-person-you-love-doesnt-love-you

http://www.gettingpastyourbreakup.com/gettingpastyourpast/

this is the book website ^^ i trust JD’s moar than PHD’s, because lawyers are better communicators and bullshitters than professors hahahaha. i believe the bullshitters. nobody bullshits like a lawyer. this is why lawyers are not kissless virgins and can date gurls for longer than 3 months without getting dumped.

well she is a woman lawyer and this book and everything on it is clearly geared to women, but thats how damn emotional i get about these rels.

its also kinda REASSURING to see that WOMEN actually have love and heartbreak, not just me. i thought women were cold, calculating, nihilistic, soulless, cold, socipathic monsters incapable of love or heartbreak.

http://www.cmhc.utexas.edu/survivingbreakup.html

well my next thing is gonna be to adapt my stupid Interview File to this site, which is basically 10000 words of bullshit to say during your interview to convince them you are The Best Candidate for the 9DAH part time no benefits stressful customer facing job.

chastity monogamy and slut shaming by “the truth will live”

a cute young gurl who is also a “neo reactionary” right wing, which is the word for all the stuff ive been into for years. here she talks about how chastity and monogamy are good things. i should just watch this gurl if i want to fall out of luv with the other woman!!!

but be careful. “Neo Reaction” is primarily male dominated and im sure many of them are lonely because they cant find a decent nondegenerate woman, and this young woman will get MORE ATTENTION and Supplication than is healthy for any person to have. kinda like the Fake Nerd Girl that hangs out at nerd shit like comic cons and D&D and gaming now, because Gaming is Cool now, and young women have caught on that the top 10% of men here will be successful, money-making engineers, so women like Nerd Culture much more in the 10s than they did EVER before. those of us in our Early Thirties distinctly remember a time when nerddom and gaming was a 1000000% sausage fest and did not have one or two QT Gurls hanging around and doing SJW bullshit like sarkeesian and gamer gate and “COSPLAY IS NOT CONSENT.” good GOD. they just want ATTENTION and to be a CELEBRITY and to snag the top 1% of men in these cultures. same as it ever was hahahaha. so 99% of the men are huge neckbeard pee bottle mlady virgins, but the top 1% will be Successful Engineers making 40DAH and be a GREAT meal ticket for these women hahahaha. Security. So yeah i am ALWAYS suspicious to see QT Young Women entering a culture or movement.

(like i hope muh buddy robert stark does not get obsessed and fall in luv with this gurl! robert stark is great and awesome and he has already done TWO interviews with her? even though she has like 7 videos? dont do it rob! make her EARN it! I would be happy though if she did a longterm monog rel with robert, possibly marriage. and WHENEVER i say “marriage” or “wife” in this whole blog, realize i am not talking about Legal State marriage, which is Rigged to Screw Men. If you want to legally marry a woman, you have to trust her SO MUCH that she will not take advantage of this.)

also she kinda looks like woman3, one of the women i actually dated for 2 months. i do not know why i like obviously fake hair like that, where they dye brown hair blond. not blond highlights in dark hair, which i think looks horrible. but i still like brown hair fully dyed blond. wtf. that is like me admitting i like to be decieved and possibly cuckolded. that i like a fake and a phony and a liar and a cheater and a cucker.

so what SHOULD a woman do? uhhh be a nice person and stay at home with their family and not get into masculine stuff like internet subcultures and politics and such. young qt gurls can really turn men against each other in a very unproductive way, which would be horrible for the Neoreactionary Movement. but i think its been gaining momentum and size and would survive any Internecine Gurl Drama. i dont think i used that word right hahahahaha.

i mean nothing NEW here, we all know why chastity and monogamy are good…… but its so nice to see a pretty young woman SAY it and appear to believe in it.  shes not super articulate or a good comunicator but what woman is, hahahahaha, she is better than 90% of women hahahaha.

however less articulate women can still slut-SHAME, however, and this is a very good quality you should look for in your women.  they just don’t like sluts. good. that means they might not be a slut themselves. OR they dont like sluts because they themselves are ashamed of BEING sluts. watch out for that. well if they ARE sluts they SHOULD be ashamed…… but better to find a woman whos not a slut in the first place.

the susan elliott book has a good part about rumination. you might be sick of ruminating and obsessing, but try to see it as part of The Healing Process. like you NEED to Ruminate as part of Getting Over It. It’s better to Ruminate and Face It Head On, than ignore it and push it under the rug, like how your Ex dealt with you hahahahaha.

its like dont hide from the grief and pain, just stand in the middle of it like getting blasted by a firehose. and that’s kind of what the months of obsessive rumination are part of that same Getting Hosed With Pain constantly.

but its actually a GOOD thing and means you’re FACING it and slowly getting over it!

standing in the middle of the torrent, just getting blasted! the rumination is part of the blasting and should go away within 1 year of No Contact.

looks like muh book encourages no contact too, good. i agree no contact is a good way to be.

cuz all contact is really just you WANTING THEM BACK.

ok so you DO still want them back and you should not deny your feelings.

so ADMIT that, but DONT contact that, becuase that will bring just a NEW torrent of pain which you DEF do not need.

http://finance.yahoo.com/news/people-personality-type-most-likely-140119084.html

ISFP personalities are most likely to be unemployed, they cant handle jobs hahahaha

i thought i was an INFP but i am definitely close to this.

http://www.starktruthradio.com/

i found the yahoo article about Percievers being more likely to be unemployed because they are less conscientious. hahahaha i am very conscientious. anyway that was linked to from robert starks new website, in the post where he interviewed “the truth will live”.

good to see robert back, he used to be a top listen for me, but he never really had a great website of his own until now.

anyway i dont care about finding a nice right wing qt because any woman that gets that much into Political Thought is gonna be very hard to handle. better to have a nice sweet kind traditional woman who is right wing in her actions but does not waste a lot of time writing, thinking, youtubing, talking abotu it hahahaha. leave that to the men.  and the traditional conservative women can good wives to these men, and good mothers to their children.

i dunno maybe not. maybe i am generalizing.

but i guarantee if you had a neoreaction meetup with 20 Sexually Frustrated Guys, and 1 Cute Young gurl with similar political ideas, it WOULD get ugly and the guys would compete against each other and perhaps solid Male Friendships would get Ruined.

in essence there IS a kind of “owning.” you volunteer to be “owned” by your partner and she volunteers to be owned by you, in the sense that you elevate each other above the rabble, that they are SPECIAL to you, and that you don’t WANT to be with anybody else, sexually or emotionally, and you recognize there is a huge link between those two.

rather than “nobody owns anybody” and “everybody belongs to everybody” “mercenary” approach.

this is NIHILISTIC.

it promotes a view that human relationships and connectedness are interchangeable, disposeable, replaceable, and ultimately MEANINGLESS.

NIHILISTIC.

THEY BELIEVE IN NOTHING. (Lebowski hahahaha)

if they cant believe that sex and Love and Relationships mean anything……. for all Intensive Purposes (hehehe), they actually believe in Literally Nothing.

how can these people even get out of BED?

am i Catastrophizing Other People in general? maybe. people arent really THAT bad, i am just devastated because my Favorite Person became my Least Favorite Person and now i am in a world of pain.

but yeah i feel SHE was definitely being a bit NIHILISTIC about our Rel. by just throwing it away. you just dont do that when you KNOW a person for 2-3 years. even if youre having a rough patch. even if you dont love them back. you still treat them with a SHRED of respect and decency. i wasnt some random sex partner you have anonymous, soul-killing sex with after one night then throw away for being weird.

MY weirdness was not soul killing, and also it was kinda justifiable. this was kinda a big deal.

but ya know what? i am glad i confessed my feels, as bad as it turned out, rather than kept them bottled up, not said anything, pretended they werent there, wetn on with the CHARADE that there was no elephant in the room. i simply could not hide the truth any longer.

i think she HAD AN IDEA anyway, cuz of my signals. signals was the only route of communication she gave me, so i gave awkward ham fisted signals, like texting too much, writing emails about communication, calling her my favorite person, saying im afriad of losing you, mushy christmas cards of i appreciate you more and more and want to get closer to you, you are very important and speical to me, of COURSE she HAD AN IDEA. look at those signals i just listed. damn. of course she KNEW. thats WHY she was pulling away bit by bit until she was gone.

i certainly deserved better treatment! because i was not abusive to her. i had good reason to be pushy. and PUSHY IS NOT ABUSIVE!!!!!!!!

i was pushing to essentially save the relationship.

i was like the family members doing an intervention on her, and instead of accepting the gift, she ran out the door and never looked back and then died of drugs and broke her familys heart hahaaha.

how can you have a “debate” with 11 candidates on stage where they each get 1 minute to respond.

they should do more of a “brackets” thing or eliminations. i hope all the candidates went on charlie rose. most probably have, but of course nobody watches charlie rose. i am talking about substantive discussions with none of the interrupting and shouting on top of each other like happens on ALL the news networks.  all the chavs and plebs out there drinking beer and fornicating and voting hahahaha. muh unions hahahaha.

not sure if we have “CHAVS” in the US hahahaha. i basically mean plebs.

ok i am not losing weight OR really getting over this bitch hahahaha. no she’s not a bitch, she just did a very btichy thing TO ME and was a BITCH to ME. she will make a wonderful lovely wife to another lucky man and be a wonderful mother to their children and live happily ever after while i K muh self at age 45 hahahaha. one of THOSE guys.

this is not a true debate faggot. gtfo tv journalist scum.

but yeah call a woman a “BITCH” and suddenly youre the bad guy. i am expressing anger at the injustice and unfairness that was done to me by her. youre SUPPOSED to be angry at the person. i am not going to HURT her for gods sakes. she hurt me a lot more! i think i have earned the right to call her a BITCH!

THAT BITCH! hahahahaha

GET ANGRY, YOU SON OF A BITCHES!

bumping up the 1.4 mile walk to 1.8 miles. so the 2.8 miler or 3 miler becomes a 3.6 miler. 3 of those, get 10.8 miles.

so my goal was to get 10 miles. not just 9.4 miles or whatever. i mean i will need to get up to 12 or 14 miles to lose weight, like i did back in 2007 and 8 where i was walking 12-14 miles well not every day but several times a week.

also i wanted to do an average every day, well 6 days a week. instead of 10 miles one day then 5 miles next and alternating. would rather do 7.5 miles erry day.