CASUAL SECS, CASUAL RELS, CASUAL SOCIOPATHS

oct 10 2016

sheeeeeeit

the pure raw hatefulness of pre 2005 darkthrone is good for job search type stuff.

of COURSE she found it easy to replace and forget about me: she had a JOB, she had MJ, and she had a Selection of Secs Options.

here is why Women Perpetuate a Culture of DEATH and have No Respect for Human Life:

  1. They dont understand that sex creates human life and they do it QUICKLY, with any strongman negro thug
  2. If they accidentally create a new human life, they just murder it with no remorse
  3. They end (and begin) relships at the drop of a hat and quickly forget about people they have known for years. Strong feelings can disappear in a matter of days or weeks.

they are SOCIOPATHS!

yeah but isnt kali the god of both creation AND destruction? i guess that puts things in perspective. that just as much as women are the creators of human life, they are equally the DESTROYERS of it!

And its MENS job to keep them OUT of Destruction mode, by keeping them IN creation mode as much as possible!

kali, or shiva, i dont know, i dont care.

YUGE interview tomorrow, biggest one in a more than a month. bank IT job. mainframes. i should be preparing better. but i already prepared for the phone interview last week. now i just want to complain about how horrible women and interviews and jobs are.

i guess trump did ok in the second debate? i mean its not like im gonna vote for hillary. and sensible women will say, oh trump is a Creep and Woman Hater…..but he’s still a way better choice than hillary!!! and then “hold their nose” and vote for trump.

so yeah i dont get these undecided voters.

in fact really i am gonna be STUCK voting republican the rest of muh life even if they only put up weaker and weaker cuckolds.  because at the end of the day, repub will always be closer to muh WHITE MALE demographic than the dems ever will be. i mean i just dont see a pro-white-male dem candidate as being even POSSIBLE ever.

i mean the dems are ALWAYS gonna be pandering too much to nonwhites and degens for me to ever support them! they only thing they possibly have going is that they are the party of the “regular working normie” which is FALSE anyway!

but basically i will vote for the candidate that is BETTER FOR WHITES. period. single issue voter hahahaha.

and i am sure that most times that choice will be extremely obvious.

and sometimes even the one who is better for whites wont necessarily be GREAT for whites. again. lesser of two evils. LEAST WORST.

 

guy asks for advice on how to dump his GF in a nice way because he doesnt want to DEVASTATE her because he doesnt hate her, shes a nice person, he just doesnt want to be in the rel anymore. what a moral guy hahahahaha.

welp managed to do baby steps of 10 pushups and 2 job apps. i mean i feel like i did 80% of my prep work for this interview, when i did the phone interview with them last week.

you DO get a chip on your shoulder and an inferiority complex like youre not good enough, and you always have to PROVE yourself, when you do 23 job interviews and nothing. at this point, the rejection has continued OVER THE LONG TERM, and that changes you. you get used to being rejected, although of course you dont WANT to be, and you probably get slowly better at Selling yourself. but its still never good Enough, and you still expect to be rejected for months and months longer. while women are out there making MONEY. and you cant convince people that you are worth a job to make your own money.

and fenriz the party animal can work at the norwegian post office for 25 years in a Career, non-PSE job, probably has a MF day shift, probably no split shift, probably doesnt have supervisors shitting on him all day. and he has time and energy to enjoy 500 albums a year and write and record darkthrone and I think he has a GF too who isnt dumping him because hes so insecure and weak. and he continues to drink beer at 44 years of age. and has a beautiful full head of hair. shit he probably smokes MJ too hahahahahahaha.

so, 153 hours of “work” times 12 dollars an hour is 1836 dollars worth of “work” i have done on job search. i am measuring all this time as closely as possible and trying to put a 12 dollar an hour value on it.

back in the day i used to “joke” that I Will Bribe You Ten Thousand Dollars To Give Me A Job.

i guess i was being too generous. really I was ripping myself off. I should go no higher than Three Thousand.

shit i would take out a loan even. with like 5% interest hahahahaha. is that high or low. yearly. 5% yearly not monthly hahahahahahaha.

but yeah i wish i had done a lot more than 153 hours of actual Work during this time hahahaha. that is less than One Month of Full Time Work.  during like god damn 15 months. hehehehehe.

10 hours a month. good job neet loser hahahaha.

welp. applied for 3 jobs today. 10 pushups. might do 10 more because i at a HUGE dinner of a delicious steak and cheese sammich and fries. gr8 1200 calories right there m8.

i could never destroy or throw away a human life as casually as women can.

casual sex, casual life destruction. casual murder. casual abandonment. what does it matter. its just a human life. its cheap, disposable, easily forgotten, easily replaced again and again. this is how women feel about Human Life hahahahahahaha.

well if THATS what i think Women Think, NO WONDER I hate women!!!!!!!!!

when really its just not  true. there is SEVERE Cognitive Distortion going on here!!!!!!

so i am hating women based on Faulty, Flawed Logic!

kinda for the wrong reasons.

my logic is not logical, AND my conclusions that stem from that logic are incorrect!

therefore, all women are not cold hearted sociopaths, and probably NOT EVEN HALF are!

and her, she wasnt even being sociopathic, so why am i saying all women are? she was just being cowardly and immature and emotional, which most women ARE, and i guess you can mistake the consequences of this for socipathy.

heh. so the end result is the same as sociopathy, AND most women ARE like that hahaha. so they MIGHT AS WELL BE sociopaths.

yeah, but they dont MEAN to be!

and that makes all the difference in the world hahahaha. when your heart is slaughtered either way.

so theyre doing all the damage of a sociopath, but they dont have sociopathic INTENT. so again, wtf DIFFERENCE does INTENT make here?

ok the….well…..NOT ALL WOMEN will act in a way that could be CONFUSED for sociopathy hehehe. im just feeling burned by my most recent and most powerful experience. just fallout. i said it was gonna take at least 2 years to get over! and this is just all part of the process! TRUST THE PROCESS!!!!!!

interview tomorrow. i guess if i had two, even one interview every week, i might get used to it so that i could be DESENSITIZED rather than FLOODED, so that i could actually IMPROVE rather than losing whatever small gains ive made by the next interview. when i need to make gains and KEEP THEM in order to be GOOD enough to do good enough in the interview to get the job.

so FIVE states are gonna be voting on legal MJ in 2016. cali, ariz, mass, florida?? no not florida, but maine and nevada.  they are saying cali and nevada and maine are the best chances here.

i mean shit. i guess i will stop talking about that cuz i dont want to dox myself.

but i keep forgetting they have legal weed in oregon and DC.

but can you go into a retail store in DC and buy it?

i thought there was some ridic rule where you couldnt BUY or SELL it , but you could GIVE it away and accept DNATIONS.

read some articles, really sounds like legal weed in DC just SUCKS, they have dispensaries, but you have to have a medical card to buy from them. i GUESS you could pester the medical card people to buy some, then “GIVE” it to you.

lesson: just go to colorado, oregon, wash, or maybe cali or nev in 2017.

 

hahahaha they think this might be “crusader girl” not sure if it is, but i dont know any other 17f’s making pro-white videos.

oct 11.

i have a BIG INTERVIEW coming up in 3 hours and i am not even worried, which is tech good, but i am not even preparing, which is bad. its like i dont want the job hahahahaha.

i mean i never had the FIGHTING spirit, and i am USED to rejection, and not getting my hopes up, etc.

just so obsessed with women and rels i cant even think about the things that MATTER, like living my life!!!!!

last night i was of course thinking about Grabbing All Women By The Pvssy (hahahahahaha) no jk, but i was thinking, yes, INTENT DOES matter, because it means women arent SOCIOPATHS, they’re just weak and cowardly. but they arent SUPPOSED to be brave and courageous and mature, thats MENS job!!!!!!!!

but yeah intent IS important even if the results are shitty, because it means they arent shitty horrible people deep down. and THAT matters.

anyway. i gotta be careful with writing in this so much. sometimes its good, but sometimes its bad. it goes both ways. meaning, sometimes it helps me, but sometimes it hurts me. it harms me when i am saying all sorts of bad shit about women and getting into a Negative Thought Spiral hehehehe. Downward Spiral of despair and Hate and Shame and Guilt and Despair and Giving Up and pessimism and low energy hehehehe. that is very bad.

honestly i was having a ton of fun just DAYDREAMING about smoking MJ. like finding cheapest flight to denver, finding cheapest air bnb type place, buying an ounce of MJ, and just spend 7 to 10 days getting ridic blazed all day and exploring the area, mountains, etc, maybe go visit foreveralone george mcfeels hahahaha and record a few conversations with him.  and be like man, you live here, get yourself some of this stuff maaaaannnnnnnnnn.

or oregon or washington, whatever is the best deal.

then i thought, well, what if the next state closest to me legalizes MJ before my state does, would i be willing to drive to that state, buy a ton of MJ, then drive it back across state lines illegally heheheheheh i would be totes paranoid there would be cops looking for that type of thing.

but really i think using my mental energy to think about MJ is better than thinking about WOMEN, or DESPAIR, or THAT WOMAN, or how I am a huge failure neet loser who will never become anything. Daydreaming about MJ is more positive than ANY of that.

in fact I never do any “daydreaming” at all. this thinking about MJ is the closest I get to it. What I do when i think about women is not really positive enough to be called “daydreaming”, its more obsessing and ruminating and shit. its just back and forth and if i get conclusions they are not good conclusions. visualizing me smokin spliffs in the mountains is a LOTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTT more pleasant.

that arguing in my mind all the ways women are horrible but its not their fault because either nature designed them this way for a Reproductive Reason, or the J’s brainwashed them to ruin them.

maybe i am not getting hired because i am not wearing a VEST with my suit hahahahahaha. when i got the suit there was a matching vest that i probably should have got because its basically the only chance to get a matching vest.

and having a vest can sometimes look very classy.

but honestly do you REALLY think it ALWAYS makes you look better in interviews?

powerful ceos and trump on tv debates, hes never wearing a vest. just a normal suit. and he doesnt look like an unhirable slob just because hes not wearing a VEST with his suit!!!!!!!!!!

so yeah i think this is faulty logic, that im not getting hired because im not wearing a VEST with my suit hahahahaha. besides it looks kind of ODD. like its a real weirdo autist wearing a vest. kind of like a bow tie, but much less phaggy and gay. phaggy yuppie hipster young urban professional SWPLs actually do wear bow ties with their Problem Glasses and Arm Tattoos to their Cool Corporate jobs.

if you move your hands and arms around alot when you talk, that makes you look less rigid and more normie. unless you go totally overboard with it. which i could see an autist doing. overcompensating. thrashing his arms around like a helicopter. that is just as bad.

sheeeeeit i might be OK with never having children as long as I made 30k a year in a job that didnt drive me crazy, and i could smoke MJ, and maybe bang the occasional young slut. bang a slut once every 2 months, how about that. i will continue to SUPPORT white families and white children, but why the hell should i have them myself if i dont have the money to raise them, and i cant get a woman worth having them with?

yes, it WOULD BE NICE to have children, but would it be the END OF THE WORLD if i didnt???

but in the absence of wife and children, i WOULD like to have good looking (7/10, under 30) sluts to bang on the reg.

but its kinda degenerate life eh, banging sluts and smoking MJ with no wife and children when you are 40, 50 years old?

yes it is. but i would accept that and find other ways to support the whites who DO have children. donate money and time to the survival and growth of My Race. and not tell my other racial warriors about my MJ habit hahahahaha.

see unlike technical J aaron clarey, i wouldnt be ENCOURAGING or BRAGGING about the hedonistic enjoy the decline poolside childless lifestyle. I’d say, this is NOT ideal, but I have come to accept my fate. so i will enjoy my life and also try to encourage a BETTER life among other whites. ie having children.  maybe i could have Foster Children hahahahahahahahahaha.

well, those cost MONEY too. and if youre going to spend a LOT of money on children like that, they SHOULD be your own.

basically, the amount of money I’d be giving to the Cause would NOT be enough to actually raise a white child with, becuase i wouldnt be MAKING that much money to begin with. i would make enough to support myself, muh degen MJ habit, muh little home in whitopia, and regular dnations to the white race, and thats about it. 30k a year. cant raise a family on that. not even on 40k a year.

yep this place is only 3.6 miles away, 9 minute drive, insanely close.

got the dress suit on now, yeah this shirt is too big. that is killing me more than not having a VEST is killing me.

great sense of judgment hahahaha. oh i can make decisions quickly and decisively. they just wont be the RIGHT decisions. this is why i am normally so indecisive hahahaha and have to PRETEND to be decisive.

welp had my big interview. it was ok. lasted 45 minutes to an hour. talked to a woman. she was ok. i mean they arent in ATTACK mode like a presidential debate. they arent looking to CRUCIFY you.

i did about the same as i always do. average. ok. was nervous and spaghetti spilling. i just start rambling like an autist cuz i figure its better than freezing. i mean i am just looking to make 14 dollars an hour like eveyrbody else. yeah well this job pays like like 20, 21 dollars an hour. DAMN.

i mean its good that i get interviewed for such high paying jobs! KIND of a confidence builder! but i feel I am only WORTH 12 to 16 dollars hehehehe.

well there is a second interview, with the CIO. we will see if i get invited to that. probably not hahahahahahaha.

well i survived through another interview at least.

also. i was watching that uppity negro trevor noah on the daily show, to get All Sides in these turbulent times, and hes making stupid jokes regarding trump being a bad man for touching women without their consent, this is literally raep, etc., its not JUST vulgar language but abusive actions.

ok lets say trump DID reach out and grab a woman by the Pvssy. and say that woman said ew STAHP you BAD MAN and slapped him and pushed him away. what do you think he would do?

he would back off and say oh ok, i see how it is maam. whatever you say. do you honestly think he would force himself on the woman?

BESIDES, the woman would be more likely to LIKE it and to accept his advances anyway. but if she said STAHP and pushed him away, i am CERTAIN trump would Respect Her Consent hahahahahahaha.

just like ANY man who engages in such Locker Room Talk.  I mean i say much worse things about women but i have never grabbed a woman like that, and if some woman told me to STAHP I would defintely STAHP. to a damn fault.

i am glad he has been able to get over this (well at least in my view hahahaha), it shows what a non issue it is. however if he were caught on tape using N bombs, that would truly be the end. and that would suck.

see its kinda like how most women have Raep Fantasies but they dont want to be Really Literally Technically Raeped, just rough secs with a handsome ravishing man. So why cant MEN have their own side of that “Raep Fantasy” where they like playing the role of that Ravishing Man who reaches out and grabs women by the Pvssy? it doesnt mean he’s going to or even WANTS to Literally Raep the woman!!!!!!!!! you fookin hypocrite liars!!!!!

liek none of you shitlib males ever did anything Shady With Women!!!!!!!!!

besides you wantt o talk about shady, look at these women racking up 5 new secs partners a month on tinder. as if you cant even get preggers from secs.

people acting so HORRIFIED. clutching their pearls. like they dont have NOODS on some dudes phone they dont even know, sucking dicks of guys whos names they dont even know.

well MAYBE i could make enough money to have ONE child, wouldnt that be ok? i mean yeah ideally i would have 3 or more, but i def wont ever make THAT much money. but it is a lot more conceivable that MAYBE one day i could make enough money to have ONE child. (of course i might never make enough money to even get married.)

and again i dont want to have children with somebody i am not totally in luv with. like i was with that woman. so finding a woman i luv naturally leads me to really start thinking about children. with this woman. not some random tinder slut.

and i would probably be okay with just banging tinder sluts from here till eternity, provided i had the basics of a survivable job, maybe muh own place, and a regular supply of MJ hahahahaha. i just cant get over that folks. i have to accept it. i dont WANT to quit MJ. says a guy who has smoked MJ 2 days out of the last 400 days or so. yet I THINK about it EVERY day. even though i NEVER smoke it. though i WANT to. EVERY day.

youd THINK i smoke it every day. but like i said. only 2 days out of the last 400 or 420 (hehehehehe) when i was on my little labor day meetup with the old friends.

but yeah MJ is the solution to all problems. it takes the edge off foreveralone, and heartbreak, and also on stressfull jobs where you feel on the verge of a nervous breakdown every day hahahaha. you cant go home and get drunk, but you sure as hell can get blazed every day, and it works pretty well!!!!!!!!

i mean I cant get drunk. plenty of people do though. i mean i dont know if I will ever be “OK” to drink again. and i am fine with never drinking again, but i am totally not fine with never having MJ again!!!!!!!!

another word for BEEF CURTAINS is MEAT DRAPES hahahahahahahahahaha.

maybe i need to find some alt right people who are tolerant of the degeneracy of MJ hahahha. pro-MJ alt righters hahahahahaha. theres got to be a few.

well thing is, i understand and agree with the standard alt right opinion that MJ is degen. i just refuse to give up that degeneracy. i think i know better. just keep it secret and dont tell my internet buddies who i dont even talk to hahahahah.

well one of my Personal Goals is to actually Physically Meet Up in Real Life with Alt Right, TRS, Daily Stormer people. Pro White, Right Wing, White Men.

i dont know what to tell you. yeah i could have been more electrifying today. hey you should have seen me when i was 18. i was a lot more charming. my shy boyish charm was endearing. now its just considered sad at best, creepy and weird at worst.

but yeah it sucks not being able to deal with life!

 

this guy talks like a phag and hes too successful and normie, but great example of blaming himself when his ex was really just a piece of cheating trash, and he blames himself that he was the bad guy and he made her cheat cuz he was too jealous, and he is still hung up on the woman.

 

oct 12

interesting incident last night at social game at pub, table of 5 men incl me and 1 youngish woman, gf of one of the guys. another one of the guys is “on the outs” due to general, prolonged drunken, annoying behavior and general cluelessness, bad fit, obnoxiousness. i tolerate him the best and just tune him out, plus i am not terribly offended by his jokes, plus i am closer to him politically than some of the leftist men.

we have been avoiding a difficult confrontation to dump him from the group. i am fairly content to just tune him out. plus i have more understanding and sympathy for him i guess. doesnt mean i want to defend him too strongly, because he should just pick up on the social cues, but that is not his strong suit, plus the drinking doesnt help.

some men make off color jokes and Locker Room Banter about women that Women can join in……while other men’s Locker Room Banter has a more anti-woman, mean, bitter edge to it. you can tell. stuff that makes women uncomfortable and sounds “Creepy” or “rapey” or “sketchy”, vs it doesnt. of course its way too easy to make women uncomfortable.

basically i see myself in the guy, we are both woman haters, and i totally understand and sympathize with woman haters. i know where it comes from and this is their way of Acting Out against the women who have hurt them or broken their heart in the past.

at the same time, i agree that women are entitled to be upset, offended,angry, creeped out by these types of remarks. they have less discernment in being able to tell is this man a violent abuser or raper, because really rapers and abusers say the same type of mean stuff (and maybe some of them dont!)

BUT I dont believe saying these type of Mean, Bitter things is a Slippery Slope AT ALL to eventually BECOMING a violent abuser. I could never live with myself if i actually abused a woman! I have no desire. I mean there is no chance it would ever happen. And I think this guy is the same way.

at the same time, i have a filter, i know what is appropriate to say, i KNOW my sense of bitterness is not very acceptable, so i keep it private, and if I were making Locker Room Banter about Pvssys, its gonna be more socially-accepted banter, with very good faith effort to hold back “i hate all women because they are stupid whores who deserve only to be brood mare slaves” type remarks.  even when i got sloppy drunk i dont think i said stuff like that. of course back then i was still a feminist hahahahahahahahahahahaha and total white knight.

well, i still kinda AM a white knight too! but def no longer a feminist.

anyway i can see how this woman is rightfully upset about this sloppy drunk guy making remarks to waitresses about Eating Pvssy or whatever. I think this guy likes to push the line with women directly in that way. tries to make women angry, so he can step back and be like whoa whoa whoa im just kidding sweetie, dont be so sensitive!

anyway the big diff here is, he pushed this womans buttons, and this woman unleashed on him, directly told him “NOT OK”, and also made direct reference to his Drinking and Sloppy Drunkenness and that the other guys just put up with you and are too nice to say anything (which is more or less true).

OF COURSHE he is a Conservative Trump Supporter who has dropped N-Bombs hahahahahaha. So the Leftist Element of our group views him as a Vile, Deplorable Racist, Sexist, Misogynist, Evil White Man. And I really should stand up for him on that front, and say you can be a good racist and sexist without being a Sloppy Obnoxious Annoying Mess!

i mean basically he says a lot of stuff ranging from groanworthy to downright cringeworthy. and of course cringeworthy can be seen by women and womencucks (hahahahahaha) as problematic, Hateful, Not Ok, oppressive, cis white male privilege, abusive, CREEPY, rapey, weird, uncomfortable, triggering, etc etc etc.

i mean basically i think if he’s gonna use borderline weirdish locker room talk around women, he has to be prepared for the confrontation by women. i think he might like it on some level. and see i dont do this whatsoever. i am so good with my filter that its not even a risk. also i dont really WANT to be a woman hater, but I’ve pretty much accepted it as something that im just too old to change, plus for me, its EASY to use my filter and blend in. even if i am tired or stressed or scared hahahaha. plus my personal style is very different. i am very cool and cold and dont rock the boat, and polite and uncontroversial, go along to get along, cant we all just get along, minnesota nice, cool as a cucumber, dont say anything that might be offensive to anyone. dont offend anyone.

and very few things can offend me. the “hateful” things this guy says dont offend me because i totally understand him. if i knew he actually beat or raeped women i would feel differently and be more against him. but i really dont think he does or has!

i dont like to push peoples buttons because i know its not gonna do anything productive. theres really no point. its a lose for me. there is no benefit or incentive for me. why do it.

it really is amazing that i have such a good filter, because basically all my thoughts are socially inappropriate. i mean how is the mask not slipping. how is there no chinks in the armour. but theres really not. the only chinks are, well, he’s a pretty quiet guy, and i have never really heard of him Dating A Wimmin, but he seems pretty nice. probably just a Shy Guy who doesnt have a lot of Confidence with Wimmin.

which is very very true! i mean that is accurate as fook!

and really i know Not All Women are like that. honestly when i get out in public and see normie women, i dont feel hate or disgust even though they might do disgusting things. and i care about that impacting the white race, but i am very good about Accepting People Where They Are and seeing the good in people. kinda surprising actually! this is very easy to do when i am with them socially. VERY difficult when i am by myself writing.

i really only get OFFENDED and BUTTHURT when somebody hurts me directly, and to do that, i need to have kinda a serious deep rel with them, which i just dont have with most people! the closer you are to me, the more you can offend me.

well, i also get offended by Customers thinking i’m Stupid.

and i get offended by women being sluts and babies.

but i can very easily hold that back unless they are being sluts or babies to ME. then i get PISSED. or DEVASTATED.

i mean i dont really DO any locker room talk anyway because its degenerate and pornographic. i dont get excited by banging sluts. i get excited by nondegen, nonporno stuff like a traditional white family, a loving white waifu, monogamy, loyalty, Mutual Support, cuddling, not Blowjobs from Barsluts in Parking Lots, or jerking off to Porno. which i guess makes me Weird among men.

my kind of Locker Room Talk would be, why are so many women such huge, disgusting cvm guzzling whores? and yeah that sounds hateful and creepy and bitter. because it is!

basically i should be happy and confident, because when i get out in The World With Women, I’m not thinking, look at all these DISGUSTING WH0RES, how many cox has she sucked, etc. I mean i think about it, but its way on the back burner, and i always give women the benefit of the doubt and treat them like Human Beings and I am NICE TO EVERYONE. Nobodys life is EASY. I pride myself on not being an OBNOXIOUS person.

if some woman has a huge slut past, well, thats her problem, not my problem, unless i am in a rel with her. yeah its the white races problem, but im not gonna FIX her right here and now. we live in a very degenerate society so as long as someone is trying to be nice to me and not obnoxious, im happy with that, on the short term, small talk, real world interaction level.

and if someone is being obnoxious to me, i just ignore them. unless i really care about their opinion of me, like theyre obnoxious to me because i am weak and pathetic…but i dont really get that hahahahahaha. only if i am trying to build a rel with a wimmin and she rejects me, which only happens like once every 5 years or so.

i realize that my problem with women is at least 50% my own personal issues with women, not just The Way Women Are. but There IS a way that women are!!!!! but i think my own issues make me think that this is worse than it actually is.

like i have very mixed feelings about this women, the Sensitive GF. i dont trust her, i dont trust her with him, i dont trust her not to break his heart, or to put in enough effort, or to be a good GF basically. i dont think shes a bad person but i think shes a little bit too crazy to ever have a good rel, and i strongly suspect Father Issues and very possibly Past Abuse issues and even more possibly Slut Past issues. i would not want to date her at all. although she is QT. and how would i feel if she were showing any interest in me. i probably would get sold on her, like her BF is.

but i still try not to judge her TOO much, and i think she is perfectly entitled to be upset and butthurt about what the drunk guy is saying, and to call him out on it.

she was worried about being Gaslighted as That Crazy Gurl. i mean i dont think shes an idiot, and she did have the right to stand up for herself and speak out against his Locker Room Talk which again, is the TYPE of locker room talk which really triggers women as being a Potential Threat.

what i’m far more concerned about is his Generally OBnoxious, Drunken, Annoying behavior, and the best way to address Dumping him from our group, vs just tolerating him to avoid that Very Uncomfortable Direct Confrontation. OBVIOUSLY direct confrontation is best. kinda funny that it took a timid quiet gurl to do it, rather than a bunch of big burly bearded men hahahahahahahahaha wimmin r so stronk and independent dont need no man, men are pussy manchildren pajama boi.

ok got in 1 job app today hahahahaha. hopefully a few more hehehehe.

got to go to job related TEST tomorrow. 9 am. yikes. a computer and software test. for the PT job that I already took a 90 minute written test on. and prob bombed because it had a lot of specific accounting question and since i havent taken accounting in 7 years, i cant remember debits and credits. but i got an A+ in accounting 1 AND 2. all that shit. bonds, stocks, debits, credits, cash flows, balance sheets, owners equity, reconciliations, depreciation, ledgers, journals, all that shit, i USED to know it. it is honestly a LOT of shit.

ldr. he wants to fight for it. he is very worried she just wants to give up and walk away without fighting.

oh you bad man. stop FIGHTING. its pathetic and creepy. just respect her wishes to say “meh” to a 5 year relationships. SHE KNOWS WHAT SHE WANTS. stop trying to COERCE and PUSH her. just accept youre getting thrown away like yesterdays trash. which you are. accept it. respect it. RESPECT IT.

ITS NOT POSSIBLE TO RESPECT SOMEBODYS DECISION TO TREAT YOU WITH DISRESPECT!!!!!!!

this is why i hate the phrase respect her decision. i was accept it, but i absolutely will not respect it.

well, woman haters like me always SEE disrespect where there is none, right. any time a woman doesnt agree with you and exercises her own will is  disrespect right.

fook you!!!!

of course no one is really saying that, except the fake fictional fantasy evil woman “Stereotype” in muh head. and real women arent THAT shitty. in my head there lives the Shittiest Woman who ever lived hahahahaha. the donald trump uncle adolf shitlord of women hehehehehe.  just the evilest, stupidest, immature, 6000000 foot cranky baby with a 60000000 foot flamethrower, the stupidest, the sluttiest, the most emotional, worlds worst woman, pandora, delilah, jezebel, eve. the worst of everything.

i do like how trump hates The Media. because how could you not. admonishing the shit out of these sleazy, low down, dirty, bottom feeding “Skypes” hahahahahahahaha. i wonder if this is a RACIST DOGWHISTLE that he is joo-wise. because people that talk about (((THE MEDIA))) like that are sometimes joo-wise.

well you think anyone that works in real estate in NYC is joo-wise!!!!!!

oh wow. he just said “believe me the LAST THING i wanna do is invade her space” in reference to the idea that he was LOOMING over her like a horror movie villain cis white male at the 2nd debate.  IMHO it is kinda cocky to say something like this (“he is judging her physical appearance and implying womens worth is only in the phsyical and again talking in aggressive terms about aggressively invading and groping women etc”) so it is pretty AWESOME that in a mere 5 days, he has completely BTFO’d the grab em by the pvssy debacle. i mean he is back at the top of his game after like 2 days of contrition. beautifully played don. no i am not joking!!!!!!!!!!

i hate that women are allowed to make so many mistakes, over and over and over and over again, about the men they fook, do the life creation process with, its ok to make tons of mistakes and never learn from them and never be responsible. NO.

ive made a lot of mistakes, but i never made a mistake about the women i was interested in. well, somewhat i did, in that i shouldnt have been interested in a few of them, because they were crazy sluts. but what was MORE compelling was that they were Young, Cute, I saw them Regularly, they showed an interest in me, and I talked to them fairly smoothly. shit, all that combined was more than enough to outweigh Crazy and Slutty. because its not like i had women knocking down my door. i didnt have a SELECTION, a CHOICE.

and this is normal, natural. WOMEN ARE THE SUPPLY, MEN ARE THE DEMAND.

so its a LOT more forgiveable when i “choose” a young pretty gurl even if she is tech a bad choice, because its not like i had a real choice. you go long periods of drought and then once every few years one woman pops up.

now women, they never have a drought. they have a pool they can pick from. so YES it IS bad that they keep making poor choices here. they have plenty of experience choice making. they make a new choice every few months. men get a non-choice popping up once every few years.  and also women can get pregnant, so the CONSEQUENCES of their choices are a lot more serious. so YEAH I resent them for makign bad choices over and over and over and over and over and over and never learning yet being given a new chance very frequently.

and it didnt always used to be this way!

i mean i cant REALLY hate women because theyre not responsible for any of this, the joos are. the joos ruined everything.

but honestly. how damn hard is it to keep your legs closed ya damn sluts????? so yeah i DO blame women for that. they arent totally helpless.

so, i hate women because they have hurt ME by beign crazy, promiscuous, immature, cowardly, cold, hehehhehe.

jeez the CEO of the bank i had the big interview for and job i really want to get looked at my linkedin profile cuz i looked at his yesterday. the fookin CIO or tech manager cant even look at my profile, but the god damn CEO. come on.

but like i say, when confronted with a real life woman who maybe has a past of being a crazy slut, hurting people, making terrible decisions….. i still treat the woman amazingly friendly, polite, non judgemental.

in other words, i THINK i hate all women, but i really just hate THAT Woman. and when i am alone and writing here, i think ALL women have the WORST traits of THAT woman. when its just not true.

also she didnt even have terrible traits. she had good intentions but not enough courage to do the mature thing. thats ALL. thats IT.

maybe it speaks to the disproportionate, extreme pain of “ghosting” itself? you might not INTEND to do it, but it can still cause a CRAZY amount of pain?

really this hadnt really been done to her. i mean yeah her father abandoned her but she basically grew up thinking he was a deadbeat. i think he appeared every once in a while but she never had a good, close, regular consistent rel with him, and i dont think either one of them WANTS to. he’s just some deadbeat who never really cared about her, but its not really a Total Ghosting, especially if they talk like once every 2 years or something hahahahaha. and also she was like a BABY when he left. there never was a time when he was around, being a good father.

her longterm ok boifran, he didnt Ghost Her. they just argued for months and then had a fairly mutual Break Up and continued to talk to each other a little bit afterwards. it didnt seem super hateful.

so yeah she didnt do this to me because it had been done to her. she just did it because she was THAT immature and cowardly that she couldnt handle talking to me WHATSOEVER. not even to send a text or email or have somebody else send a text or email.

¯\_(ツ)_/¯

¯\_(ツ)_/¯¯\_(ツ)_/¯¯\_(ツ)_/¯¯\_(ツ)_/¯¯\_(ツ)_/¯¯\_(ツ)_/¯¯\_(ツ)_/¯¯\_(ツ)_/¯¯\_(ツ)_/¯               ¯\_(ツ)_/¯¯\_(ツ)_/¯¯\_(ツ)_/¯¯\_(ツ)_/¯¯\_(ツ)_/¯¯\_(ツ)_/¯¯\_(ツ)_/¯¯\_(ツ)_/¯¯\_(ツ)_/¯

this is how women communicate hahahahahahaha

😂

hahahahahahaha the blacks love this one, and prob women too

👨‍👨‍👦

jejejejejejej

👦🏿🔫🌜

hehehehehe they would do this one on racist google hangouts sometimes hahahaha

so yeah really the bottom line, the takeaway is, i dont hate women in the real world as much as i think i do in my head. meaning, when it comes to these real sluts out there, i can view them as Human Beings and I treat them with Human Dignity hehehehe. I DO NO HARM to anyone. not nonwhites, not women. thats what antiracists and antisexists dont udnerstand. they think we are HATEFUL and want to HARM people. WRONG.

and then they say well youre being DIVISIVE. DIVISIVE. stop DIVIDING people and FOMENTING FEAR. LOVE NOT FEAR. stop this US VS THEM mentality.

no i just dont want weird violent foreigners in muh neighborhood. in muh city. or blacks. in the US we have a black problem and yeah that is related to Slavery. i still say, give em their own country in like louisiana or alabama or mississippi or something.

i mean right now, progressive whites are saying, yep its an objective fact, take a look at the balance sheet. whites have done more harm against blacks, latinos, nonwhites, whatever. whites are in power and whites abuse that power, and now they need to STEP DOWN and accept that nonwhites should have real power in Our Democracy, and also that whites have to make reparations, because whites did massive Crimes. and whites are STILL in power, and its only JUST to FIGHT that power. so i’m glad when affirmative action gives jobs to blacks and i dont get the job. thats a very unlikely situation anway. ive already got a good job. but im MORE than happy to start cheking and giving up my white privilege to make a more progressive, equal, fair, nonracist society!!!!!!!!

i know actual white leftists, this is how they think!

black cities are full of crime because whites KEPT THEM DOWN! whites wouldnt hire them for good jobs, whites wouldnt lend them money to start businesses adn create jobs, whites wouldnt let them live in white neighborhoods, redlining, blockbusting, thats why stuff like section 8 is a GOOD thing! white landlords not renting to blacks. the whites are TRAPPING the blacks, putting them back in chains!

this is insanely wrong and evil, so yes we must do our part to atone for these real sins!

ESPECIALLY if i take any pride in being White, then its even MORE reason to take responsibility for the BAD things whites have done, not just the GOOD things! (not that white leftists have ANY pride in being white)

why cant more songs on darkthrones new album be as good as “tundra leech”? that song is crammed with great riffs, and then there is a BIG dropoff. but that song made me think, damn this is one of the best Metal Songs of 2016. darkthrone STILL HAS IT!!!!!!! (not that ive listened to many 2016 metal songs!)

just have a LITTLE bit more black metal guys! or at least make all the songs as good as “tundra leech”! this is more black metal in the celtic frost sense rather than the transilvanian hunger sense.

(i am well aware “tundra leech” is a ridiculous name, but DT has been doing insanely ridiculous song titles since “straightening sharks in heaven” in 2004. which reminds me, “sardonic wrath” has an excellent production on it, but i can’t really say how good the songs are.)

so i guess clandestine blaze is the ideal replacement for darkthrone then right? i mean DT is obviously a huge influence for CB.

so yeah DT is always an interesting topic of conversation, really ALL their albums are different in some way, and fenriz would probably be a fun guy to Hang Out with.

but i also can’t understand making enough money to have children…..and then not having children, and living as a 44 year old adolescent. i mean its fine to listen to music, but music is his whole life.

but yeah same wiht like beethoven.

but beethoven was a little more Musically Significant than Fenriz tho, no?

sure……but fenriz is pretty damn significant. i mean he’s already left a legacy. maybe thats why he doesnt feel the need to have children. his music is his children! and it will live forever! ok ok i can get that, fine.

i mean shit. if i can come back to “plaguewielder” 15 years later and enjoy it, whos to say i wont be enjoying “the cult is alive” in 5 years hahahahha.

gotta get up at 615 am tomorrow yet i am doing social game tonight, wont get home till 1230 am, i mean if i had to WORK i would not do this! but i KNOW i dont have to be “ON” at my thing tomorrow morning. im not getting PAID. Im not WORKING. I guess it would be smart to Study for my Test. like what. study excel. study quickbooks. study accounting. study macros. just study shit for 4 hours so i can get 100% on the test. treat it like a College Maths Exam. I wouldnt be going out at night if i had a Math Exam the next morning!!!!!!!!

but i AM kinda butthurt at the org for making me jump through SO MANY goddamn hoops all the time. a 90 minute written test, a 90 minute excel test, and an interview, just to get put on a LIST for a PART TIME job. and then having to REPEAT this WHOLE process for every part time job you apply for. now its just like one every 3 months because thats how few job openings they have. im just sick of giving and never getting. going there to take interviews and tests for PT jobs every few months and NOTHING. like who do i have to suck off to get a PT job? how come stupid 18 year old gurls get PT jobs in certain departments? am i overqualified or do they just hate gaps? OR BOTH????

its a fact of fookin life, people get gaps sometimes. LONG GAPS. because so many employers are gapist hahahahahahahahaha.  but yeah gaps are literally the kiss of death and ive got it BAD. THAT WOMAN never had serious gap problems like i do. and people who dont have gaps just dont understand!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

yes, i address the gap directly in my cover letter. as of sept 2016 i do hahahahaha. i think this is a great move and i am grateful to the real life person who suggested it.

intimidated and insecure by Female Sexuality???

NO, I JUST DONT LIKE SLUTS!!!!!!!!!!!!! Theyre DISGUSTING!!!!!!!!!

well, their sluttiness is disgusting. hate the sin, love the sinner hahahaha.

besides, i can get along just fine with women who have had Slut Pasts, provided I’m not trying to Start A Rel with them.  I would intentionally keep them at a distance, but I wouldnt be MEAN or impolite about it!!!!!!!

but i dont really care that the waitress who serves me is a slut! if anything i think, that poor girl, she’s got a horrible job, i could never do that, i will be nice to her and give her a good tip. TOUGH LIFE. maybe she’ll find a good man some day. but im not interested.

but yeah nature and nurture. when you see White Trash you think, i KNOW whites can do better than this. so maybe nurture IS more important than nature. there are total white trash neighborhoods, areas, trailer parks, etc. why cant some of them Rise Above a life of drugs, single mothers, deadbeats, bad boys, white trash? or are they a lesser subspecies of whites that were Born That Way? Irish? Italian? Polish? hahahahahaha. Squatting Slavs? Potato Eating Potato Negros????

BEING A GOOD PERSON DOESNT MEAN SH1T IN THE MATING MARKET

but it really SHOUDL hahahaha. also also in the job market for that matter. I mean it DOES really matter to me, and for the state of your soul. and it matters with your friends and family.  it just doesnt matter with women or jobs. and those are two VERY important markets in life.

aug 11

hisssss leave me alone lads hahahaha

heres the question, when going to a DOCTOR, should I trust a White WOMAN over a nonwhite MAN?

because i am now seeing this White Woman DO, GP, Fam Practice Doc for citalopram refills every 6 months. she is not bad, she is def white, but also def a WOMAN.

weird dreams last night, unfort heavy involvement of the woman. in it she was shrinking into a defenseless baby, but also refused to communicate.

but she also refused to run away. so she stayed around for whatever reason, maybe she was scared to leave, but she was staying, but she also wasnt saying ANYTHING and was being very moody and difficult and bitchy.

but she was STAYING and that was the important thing. I was being a bet niceguy tyring to comfort her saying its ok sweetie, i’ll be here fore you when you want to talk.

then there was this alpha male playing rock guitar and she looked at him and then I feared that that would be enough to make her leave me.

he was a white guy who i went to college with 10+ years ago and was never superfriends with, but he was a good guy and I got along with him. he was a rare Country Hick who went to the univ. He was very very smart, and into writing fiction (I think) and gambling. i feel he wasnt some kind of mindless marxist. i hear he went back to the middle of nowhere and did nothing with his life, much like me hahahaha. except i am not in the middle of nowhere hahahaha.

so she didnt leave me for him but i didnt like the interested way she looked at him!

it was kinda like when the loving person is trying to help some traumatized child who cant or wont talk. the child is staying with you, so that’s good……..but they aren’t being cooperative beyond that. and what if they did leave? youd feel shitty for investing so much of yourself in trying to help them, when obviously they resented it and you.

then the dream got really weird with lots of weird creature horror cronenberg type stuff, where she was shrinking into like a cat rat baby hiding in small dark spaces.

and then there was even weirder shit. this grotesque skeleton nun appeared displaying these poor animals she was torturing/K’ing by essentially skinning them down to the bone, while leaving as much skin on some parts of the body so as to keep them alive as long as possible. however the nun herself was a kind of animated, partially skinned human corpse, who was supposedly the father of another man in the dream, who was either supposed to be my Professional Partner in helping/treating That Woman (who by this time was a scrawny cat rat child)…..or something.

so anyway the mans father was partially skinned into a barely living human skeleton dressed up as a mockery of a catholic nun, who themself was doing a similar skinjob on these animals. cats and dogs. but the idea was, it wasnt of their free will, they were being controlled / possessed by some demon or devil like in the exorcist.

these are the types of dreams I have when I am at my average!!!!!! hahahahaha.

i think woman 2012 also made a cameo appearance, hahahahha.

ok got 60 minutes of power hour peak UVB vitamin D sun, 2:15 to 3:15.  1 to 2 would have been better but i was at the dr. i am hoping sunshine activated vitamin d is the magic bullet that cures everything wrong with me hehehe.

this was a great vidya from this poor lost soul.

now he does watch sarcuck of cuckad, and quotes a socialist at the end of this vidya, but uhhhh the points he makes in this vidya are unimpeachable. i just hope he isnt really a socialist. for the sake of his own soul!

anyway the interesting thing about that dream is, somebody can be unwilling to communicate with you, but theyre still willing to STAY WITH you. that is a nice bona fide. of course, maybe they’re just too scared to leave you, and as soon as they build the strength, they will leave you.

she was absolutely not willing to stay with me, in the sense that she was “with me” as a friend, somebody in my life that I talked to, texted, hopefully hung out with, but not any more.

but yeah i guess time really does heal all wounds, i can tell i WILL get over this SOMEDAY………..

…….it just takes a RIDICULOUSLY long time, like TWO YEARS of ABSOLUTELY NO CONTACT. and by then, someone who was very important to you, who you wanted to be the mother of your children, will have faded away into a faded memory like all the other women. and then you will be a 35 year old loser who never had a proper GF and doesnt have a proper job and you know you will never find a nice 7/10 white 25 year old n<4 woman ever again.

oh yeah. got called for interview today. 12k a year job hahahaha. 12k. 11 dollars an hour, 20 hours a week. unbelieveable. but the job seems like it would be easy and stress free. back at the old employer i had from 2008-13. ideally would get the job and then be able to find Secret Internal Jobs, then get a FT one of those for 30k a year. The End. Life Goal Achieved.

the woman who called me sounded really confused and disoriented. she was clearly having a bad day. she sent me an email as discussed and it had some errors in it. i hope she was just having a bad day and this is not her average hahahaha becuase my average is WAY better than that hahahahaha. and she is making 30k a year. like some damn fatcat plutocrat factory owning capitalist hahahaha. how much does her HUSBANDO make.

the st andrean guy brings up an interesting point: back in the DAY, low level retail and cust serv people didnt have to THINK. “we dont pay you to THINK!” but now you have to demonstrate how you are a FAST and CREATIVE and GREAT THINKER UNDER PRESSURE for a damn 12 dah part time job. now you need to THINK FAST all day so you can solve customers problems and keep them from bitching at the manager.

then how do dumb negers get fast food and walmart jobs then?

affirmative action hahahahahahahaha.

and then i just remembered its HER birthday this month. but the good news is i didnt realize that until 10 days into the month hahahaha. now SHE is getting old. i wonder if she will have any mud baby Sprogs by the time she is 30. or if she will Abort the Sprogs and focus on her career.  yeah but a woman like her really NEEDS a MAN.  i wonder how many cox shes fooked in the past year. she used to be a beautiful person. “inside and out.” way to become a slut after age 25. so sad. hey u could married ME!!!!

and

basically i worry that SHE WAS THE BEST. I’LL NEVER FIND A BETTER WOMAN THAN HER. Young, Pure, Innocent, Nice, AND good looking. she was the FULL package. she just didnt luv me.

every woman I meet I will just end up comparing to HER, and SHE will beat them.

that’s my fear now. because as an old loser man, i don’t have any value in the mating market.

being a good person IS an important thing in life, with friends and family, in society……

but it doesnt mean SHIT in the mating market!

it doesnt mean SHIT in the market where New Human Life is created!

isn’t that weird?

Also what I’m assmad about at women is not just that they are going against their natural role……

but that they are so ENTHUSIASTICALLY, WILLINGLY rebelling against their natural role!

yes lets enjoy lots of casual sex! yes lets become powerful leaders in companies! yes lets have strong powerful careers and make big decisions! they LOVE it!

Whereas I am deviating from MY natural role as a MAN….but it wasn’t my CHOICE, and I SURE as hell dont LIKE it!!!!!

took some nyquil. then will go for walk num 2. was kinda useless today. zero job apps. not sure how that happened. i blame the dr appt, and also much hourlong walk in the afternoon. but really i think THAT is more important than doing an hour of jobsearching at that time.

also I get a lot of emails every day and it takes tiem just to scan them. i get SOME (not a lot) APPLY jobs out of these emails. it essentially takes the place of looking at the main indeed list.

also yesterday i learned that “stupid ghetto people” all use indeed. i chuckled and said really. just curious, what do nonghetto, smart people use? apperantly they use monster. this is coming from a Manager who hires and fires Ghetto people hehehehe.  i am more racist than him but he sees the reality more than I do! I guess he is just that concerned about not being thought of as a racist. i dont have that anxiety hahahaha.  i just have plenty of other anxieties. about my competence to do basic jobs and to mate with wimmin hahaha.

shit i wish i never met her. when will i ever get along that well with another woman again? of that high quality?

i mean yeah i can live without women, i can live without being close to a woman………but i got a TASTE of it……and i really liked it, and now i want MOAR. very much like when i pseudodated those gurls 10 years ago. different because this was more important, it wasnt psuedo anything, it was real, it was long term, there was an actual rel between people, and it hurt moar. but similar in that it gave me a tiny taste of something real good that  i knew I wanted MORE of. i didn’t want to go my whole life without experiencing that.

well maybe it will take ANOTHER 10 years.

i guess when i am 45, the 30 year old wimmin will look pretty damn hot hahahahahahahahaha.

now by that time, the women will have CERTAINLY taken a ot of dix and be crazier and be more duplicitous hehehehe.

who cares. i took some nyquil as usual every 2 or 3 days. took the full dose this time. around 6 pm. nice and early. hahahaha. recreational use of nyquil to feel numb and sleepy hours before going to bed. but yeah it really does impact your thinking. cannot think clearly at all. very sluggish.

so yeah writing becomes evn more shitty. but i guess its easier to not think negative thoughts. unless you get there automatically, then you dont have the mental energy to fight them off hahahaha.

george feels says he did his college at a crappy diploma mill and got a degree in “computer science.” he makes it sound like it was just as boring and easy and useless as high school. just coast thru, never really learn anything useful. and right now he is struggling to teach himself the C language. WTF DID HE DO DURING THIS COLLEGE? why wouldnt he learn C or C++ in a “computer science” program? maybe they did java or python hehehehe.

but it sounded like the shittiest college, he would have been better off going to damn community college.  i mean shit i learned enough about C++ and “computer science” at community college, learned enough to know i could never do this for a career, cuz the amount of stuff you had to know and master is STAGGERING. just to get a part time job hahaha.

i prefer what st andrean had to say. just dont go to college unless you are a GOD DAMN GENIUS, AND you have very good social skills, AND you are getting internships and networking with people working in the field, AND you go to a GREAT uni. so only go to college if ALL those are true. THought that was a great point.

tons of autist nerds are good at math, science, computers, but terrible socially. you need to be GOOD socially to turn your college degree into a career. the better socially, the better for your career.

so you really need to be great at everything. be the computer nerd with the charismatic social skills of don trump. i would think this is the very rare computer nerd hahaha.

or a guy like bill clinton is a disgusting degen sleazebag, but hes got GREAT social skills.

also we virgins never get to see what trump is like when he is seducing women. but shit an alpha male, at that point they are seducing HIM!

oh for gods sakes, that st andrean in exile guy shut his channel down TODAY. he had some honestly good stuff. i think he shut his own self down, because he did nto have any racist stuff. the powers that be still allow sexist stuff but not racist stuff. and sexist stuff is getting pretty big. i guess  shillary could try to shut it down but i just dont see it. but the race nut is a MUCH harder nut to crack than the secs nut. all these woman hating mgtows who are too scared to become racists hahaha.

aug 12

ok. 10.13 am and i have cleared out my 13 or 14 new emails from overnight. all job related stuff. i gotta get rid of some of these alerts hahaha. right now i have such a “backlog” of APPLY jobs, I can really only afford to add jobs if I classify them as “APPLYYYYYY”, ie, they are obvious standouts.

WE DONT PAY YOU TO THINK!

well in 2016 you must think of bullshit to keep your angry customers pacified, because your company is so LEAN that they cut corners everywhere and give shitty product, shitty service, creating tons of unhappy customers. and you have to THINK FAST and BULLSHIT in order to RETAIN those unhappy customers.

make promises and excuses when you dont even know what youre talking about. well have it for you as soon as possible. the price PROBABLY wont go up. oh it did? oops you got unlucky. it is what it is, you dont have to be happy about it, better luck next time!

i dunno. i just think the best “company culture” is when they are SERIOUS about giving good service to their CUSTOMERS, AND they are SERIOUS about treating their lowest employees well. namely giving them good training and helping them serve the customers well. not just bullshitting, and excuses, and runarounds, and avoiding, and passing the buck, and kciking the can, and saying we dont do that, or we have no record of that, or no, call them back, they are wrong, we really DONT do this, or we dont do that, talk to your manager, i did, he said call you, then call your managers manager.

where managers are there ONLY to make things “LEANER” and they dont know SHIT about how to actually do the work of the department. and they have been brought in from outside. ALWAYS PROMOTE FROM WITHIN. how hard is this to understand.

these anti-management attitudes of mine make me a borderline socialist, that and i am generally against Wanton Greed, and I am also against Wanton GROWTH where the growth is unsustainable. but you have to keep up with inflation goy.

1% growth isnt good enough when inflation is 3%! is that the idea??!?!?!?!

drinking weak coffee and my stomach is churning and gurgling extremely loudly and frequently.

went to store and picked up new refill of citalopram and some groceries.

i honestly dont know how ALL people are not RED PILL. just going to the superstore is BLACK PILLING. maybe its just too much. i mean you dont want to BLACK pill people. then they dont even care about red pill blue pill anymore, and become one of those fat mouth breathing zombies you see at the supermarket.

did see some qt 16 year old girls there with their Moms tho hahahahahaha.

shit i am probably old enough to be their FATHER hahahaha.

all these fookin jobs are for Seniors and Leads and Managers……………….

WHY ARENT YOU HIRING FROM WITHIN?

well PROBABLY they WILL end up hiring from within, which is good, they just HAVE to post the job externally.

ok fine…….BUT WHERE ARE THE POSTINGS FOR LEVEL 1 PEOPLE????!?!?!?!?!?

the postings for level 2 and above seem to outnumber the postings for level 1 by like 2 or 3 to 1…….AT LEAST.

too many chiefs, not enough indians!

now level2 and level3 aren’t “managers” per se. they are more subject matter experts, ie, people who ACTUALLY know what they’re doing. the people you really wish you could talk to , but you cant, because they only work on escalated cases, and advising stupid level 1s.

MOST level 2’s i worked with were good as hell, they deserved their status. about 30% didn’t.

but even the good ones weren’t necessarily Good to the level 1s who wanted their help.

thankful to be able to go out at 1pm for powerwalk in peak of days sun hahaha.

partly cloudy unfort but should still get some sun.  i guess it can break through the clouds somewhere. wheres a level 2. an SME hahaha.

i cant believe MORE average people dont go MAD from the ridiculous demands of Work. i mean these deamnds do not seem fulfillable by the average person! these unreasonable demands! so I guess i am a bit jelly of all these normies who go to work and don’t go crazy. they just turn into fat stupid assholes. black pill hahahaha.

heh. these employers HIDE BEHIND their PORTALS. I am trying to apply to hospital job and it errors out when i try to upload res. over and over. so now I just have to WAIT until they fix it. theyre probably not even AWARE of it. and theres no way to report it.  but it was just working an hour ago, because i applied to a job at that time.

its a god damn ridiculous oracle people soft type system that is stupid as fook. always signing out, buttons and links dont work, its fooked. i really dont want to clear cookies and all that. i guess its not a big deal because i just have it reopen all tabs automiatically.

so yeah i am pretty much planning to go to this labor day thing with old college friends. should be pretty fun. i mean most of them are all successful and shit but who cares, they are nice people and thats all that matters.

also one of the guys is not a super duper YUGE winner like the others hahaha. and he is still a super duper great guy.

is it considered a good bullshit detector if you think everything is bullshit? you are so sensitive to bullshit you think EVERYTHING is bullshit? even stuff that isnt bullshit?

yeah well most stuff IS bullshit, so can you blame me for thinking EVERYTHINGS bullshit?

so i got impatient, clicked on use previous resume, then accidentally forgot to click on i am over 18, and then it Disqualified me, now I cant apply for the job AT ALL. I try to do it again and says sorry you cant. FOOOOOCCKKKK. it gives you a phone number to call. i am not gonna call it unless i am blocked from applying to OTHER jobs.  SOOOOO stupid.

OHHH rejected for MAIL CLERK job at other hspital ive sent 40 applications to. wouldnt be the first time ive been rejected for mail clerk hahahaha. sorry, FILE clerk. hmm only took 2 days for them to reject me. 2 days since i applied.

NO i dont spell shit wrong in my Packet!!!! like i do here. there, everything is perfect.

all these companies send rejection letters on friday from 430 to 5 pm hahahaha. i wonder why this is hahahahaha.

also, just because HR for the big company sends you a rej letter for one job, doesnt mean they’ll send you one for all jobs at that company.

i obviously need to take my Main Standards of:

25 years old

n<4

7/10

and Walk Them Back a bit. but how much? I would say just a tiny bit at a time, until someone reaches the New, Lower Standard hahahaha. so lets make the new standard n<5. that will make the pool a little larger hahaha.

its not like i have 100 applications to pick from hahahaha. i have 0 applications to pick from.

oh noes, katie ledecky is at least 25% JOOISH. so if i had children with her, they would be 12.5% jooish. is that too much? kind of. I would prefer my children be less than 6.25% nonwhite.

i looked her up because i kind of liked her weird horseface and maybe she even sort of reminded me of That Woman in having a weird face that doesnt seem like it should be qt. WELL, wait until she is 30 or 40! wont be so qt any more!

fathers side is from czech. mother is half j00ish. yikes. and she herself is a “roman catholic”. YIKES.

does michael phelps wife let him fook rando gurls when hes at the olympics?

is he even married? i thought he was and he def has a keed. i hope they dont have an open marriage.

like he didnt get enough action BEFORE he was married!

customer service. jeez. i just cant do it ALL DAY LONG. maybe put me on phones for 1 hour….but then have me switch on and off, on and off. customers 1 hour, no customers next hour, then back on, then back off etc. but all customers for 8 hours is just holy shit. its like private pyle trying to survive the military. the military would be EASIER. how do people do this and not K themselves moar?

i MIGHT be able to WITHSTAND if i had a good waifu to build me up at the end of the long day…..but good waifus dont like guys who cant handle tuff situations all day. they dont like such WEAK men.

well remember, george feels worked at best buy geek squad for like 2 months MAX because he was too anxious about the customers and not feeling like he was trained to handle it. cuz the training was minimal, classic swim or sink thrown to the wolves shit. george freaked out and quit, and then got his awesome job at the liberry where he continues to work today.

he says that now he might try to tough it out at best buy a little longer to force himself to get better with people.

its all in this one, good summary of george telling his life story.

i think its something we shuld all do, to try to get perspective. you can see the link on the right side where i started doing Muh Life Story and then put it on this blog. cant remember the lessons i learned. oh yeah. much like george, i reaped what i sowed, and i failed to nip shit in the bud when i was young. i just ignored them and did stupid shit and assumed that everything would turn out all right as long as i got a college degree. NOPE.

yeah realy i wish there were like 2 classes in high school preparing you how to deal with customers ALL DAY. how to deal with their stupid bullshit. them bitching about CONFUSING stuff and how you could work under pressure and answer to the most ridiculous bullshit. certainly high school COULD prepare you for that….but it didnt. like put you in simulations where you could have a Safe Word to get out if you got too flustered. and just practice practice practice. like practicing a SPORT. you PRACTICE 10 times more than you actually have official matches. you practice so you’ll be ready for the match/game/competition/tournament. i wish i had done that in order to prepare for customers on the job.

heh. i would prob quit geek squad too georgie boy! i cant blame you! anyway he eventually got some more customer service experience when he switched jobs at the liberry.

WAS IT REALLY WORTH IT?

I had some SOLID, BIGBOY, REAL WORLD, REAL MAN Customer Service Experience, a full YEARS worth, in a CALL CENTER, taking CALLS all day on the WEIRDEST shit that I had NO IDEA how to do.

was it WORTH IT?

maybe…..but at this point it doesnt really feel like it. and i feel like I could never do it again. just the thought strikes fear deep into my heart so I am AVOIDING all jobs that seem like they would have TOO MUCH (>50%) cust serv.

WOMEN YOUNGER than me have opened up their own Clinical/Counseling practices. like this 25 year old broad i see making a duckface on linkedin. LCSW, LLC, LLP. but who i really want to help are single white men with despair and anxiety, and white neets and such. thing is, these people are not likely to seek help.  alot of people only go to counseling because they are FORCED by court or probation. i guarantee some of those men are white!

but yeah honestly i did some GREAT, STRONG work, and TOUGHED IT OUT in some real TOUGH MAN shit, when i thought I would BREAK under the pressure. but NO, I STAYED THE COURSE. Weathered the storm.

So i have PROVED I can handle tough situations and tough customers. however, add a shitty situation with a woman and THAT is my breaking point.

i mean it WAS a realy unique situation i dont EVER see happening again. both the fact that she did not respond AT ALL, PLUS the fact that we worked in the same office.

it wasnt the CUSTOMERS that pushed me over the edge, it was HER, or really, my inability to DEAL with her.

i guess THEORETICALLY i could get another job and fall in luv with another coworker. i just hope i deal with it better! and i think i really cant not deal with it better! i would just send an email or text saying WE NEED TO TALK NAO. I HAVE FEELINGS FOR U.

then she will freak out, say were done, and i will put in a 2 weeks notice hahahahaha.

no i will try to move my shift, or move to where i cannot see her.

if i am running out of Meds, I will go to an Urgent Care to see if they can write me an emergency refill.

again i really dont think the running out of meds was what caused me to go over the edge. it was i just couldnt handle that ridiculous situation.

 

THEY CANT IMAGINE WHAT ITS LIKE FOR US, WE CANT IMAGINE WHAT ITS LIKE FOR THEM

aug 9

dat feel when you are “fasting” till about 1 pm hahaha

drinking coffee and then shart your pantz hahahahaha

nothing too major but you still definitely have to change the drawers.

thinking how the hell would you deal with this if you were at your JOB.

and this is why smart people have an extra pair of drawers in their car or locker just for this very reason.

because i am very very very smart and i still shart muh pantz as a 35 year old grown ass man hahahahaha.

been INTERVIEWING so much I have fallen back in my actually applying to jobs. so, trying to catch up on that today.

also trying to do 16/8 hours in terms of fasting/eating. do all your eating within an 8 hour window.

since i might have a snack around 9 pm tonight, that means i dont want to eat anything till 1 pm.

but i will drink coffee.

ok did 4 applications then ate small breakfast at around 115pm, as i was fasting on a 16/8 intermittent….i already described this hahahahalolololol.

rustlers_gonna_rustle_-_haters_gonna_hate_-_rustled_jimmies-20120923-142511

heh hehehe

5T6NLs2

leave me alone lads

ok ok i think that is enough of that.

 

its just fookin STUPID and DISGUSTING how what is SUCH A BIG DEAL to an omega kissless virgin, means ABSOLUTELY NOTHING to the average WOMAN. Not even talking about sluts. but average women are totally COMFORTABLE with the idea of secs, they ENJOY regular secs with their BF’s, they ENJOY regular cuddling and tickling and ASMR whispering, and all of this stuff is SUCH A BIG DEAL to us KV’s, because we have never experienced them before, or are on a 12 year dry spell hahahaha. WOMEN can NEVER know the pain of a 12 year dry spell. i just want them to check their privilege hahahahaha. i’m not saying they shouldnt HAVE this privilege. the privilege makes sense. whats RUSTLING is how they claim not to have it.

i bet its like how it makes Black Activists feel when Whites say that Whites dont have white privilege, white privilege is a MYTH.  hahahahaha.

well it is hahahaha.

but female relationship supply privilege is NOT a myth.

they cant even IMAGINE what its like for US, who havent even cuddled with a woman in 12 years;

and we can’t even imagine what its like for THEM, where being in a relationship and having regular cuddles and secs is NOT a weird thing.

hehehehe. thats my point. and that’s why i get rustled when WOMEN offer unsolicited advice to MEN. and really why only MEN can help other men out of this tragic, pathetic, despairing situation.

a woman having secs with her BF and not getting totally nervous about it. just enjoying the secs.

if we have ever had secs, we were extremely nervous about it and never had the chance to really enjoy it, because no woman ever stayed with us long enough so that secs was a regular, consistent thing that you could get comfortable with.

less than .00001% of women know what that’s like, because ALL women have been in long term rels where they had regular secs at least SOME of the time!

which im not saying makes them sluts. it just simply means there was a period in their life where they got regular secs and weren’t nervous about it and enjoyed it, and that is a pretty big thing, and they have a very hard time seeing how its a big thing, because it seems like such a NORMAL thing.

ate breakfast. now the challenge is, dont eat any snacks. dont eat any damn potato chips, dont even have a damn protein shake because even THAT is 180 calories.  i will have a tiny snacklike dinner at around 5pm and then have my Big Meal around 9 pm.

which is a terrible time to have your big meal, but this is my social event, and its kinda expected to get food, and this place has very good food.

i just wished women viewed secs as something SPECIAL that you shared only with someBODY special, and didnt just give away to men you just met.  i mean shit thats PORNOGRAPHIC. this is how New Life is Created!!!

i am so unmasculine that i look a photos of m1kk0 4sp4 and say damn what an awesome guy, i wish i could meet him one day, and then i notice he has a ring on his finger in 2016 that wasnt there before, and I wonder did some LUCKY LADY nail him down. well i mean yes i hope so, I want MA to marry a nice traditional finnish woman, pref virgin, and have LOTS of kids. he’s done some degen things in his past but he is totally able to make up for them.

when the same jobs pop up on DIFFERENT sites a few weeks later. should i count it as applying for separate jobs? shit yes, because i am spending at least 12 minutes on it hahahaha.

i hope muh buddy MA does get married to a nice finnish tradwife and never goes back to his degen interest in pornography and degradation and humanity is shit, etc. i think he knows by now that HIS people arent shit!

i just dont want him to pick the wrong woman. cuz i fear he has dealt with sluts and skanks in the past. (speculation.) but i want him to MARRY and have CHILDREN with a GOOD decent trad woman.

this is all from seeing a damn RING on his finger in a 2016 photo hahahahaha.

its none of my BUSINESS what he does in his personal life, and he’s not the type to TALK about it either!

i just think he makes great music and does great work, so i want him to be a great person in his personal life. and it was so encouraging to discover that he was big into Nationalism. Since I have been getting big on related topics too, hehehehe.

ok 7 jobs applied, got my daily average back up to 3.0, (7 day) got my 5 day work week average up to 4 per day. ie 21 per week. this is about as good a goal as any. maybe 25 per week hehehe.

shit i will have to apply to about 5 more today just to get to 22 per day. thats how these goddamn AVERAGES work. its difficult to push them even a LITTLE bit. which is appropriate for averages, I think.

see normies would say to me, why the hell dont you get a masters degree if you think youre so smart. you dont belong in the regular world. you belong in the masters degree world. or law or phd or something.

and then those people would say ehhhhh you fall a little bit short here, whyd you fook up in college? you might have been a good Professional, but you fooked up and never really corrected course. now youre in an awkward position.

and i will say yeah i hated school, i thought school was a scam. i tried going back to school a little bit to build REAL job related skills. thats what these 80 credits are right here. Then i got a new job, went crazy, then was in the depths of despair for a year. and here i am now, trying to get out of THAT.

wish there was a better word than “TRADWIFE” for an ACTUAL traditional, decent, good, moral, nonslut wife. because “tradwife” is a joke that means tranny. which is FINE……but what about the “tradwives” who actually ARE women?

i dunno i think some people use it to talk about actual females and we can determine if you are talking about a woman or a man based on context hahahahaha.

avg as 18 minutes for the 7 applications i did TODAY. longest one was 34 minutes. damn.

“A racist used to be someone who hated Blacks. Now, a racist is someone who doesn’t hate Whites.” Dr. David Duke.

I dont even know if DR DUKE said that, but its plausible, and its a great quote. yes i am the type of white racist who likes david duke. i would vote for david duke for senate ALL DAY if I lived in LA. I hope he wins. he’s a bit degen in his personal life, but his white stuff is UNIMPEACHABLE. I def went through a DD phase a few years ago. He made me moar J-wise. Great man, great teacher, go listen to his radio show NOW.

i have no doubt DD loves the White Race as much as I do hahaha. He is just tempted by Secsy Wimmin and Gambling. I mean shit if I had Secsy Wimmin throwing themselves at me, I would be tempted by them too. Plus he was always a handsome and charming man. However I am very curious how his relship is with his children. I know he has at least one child, well by now they are an adult. probably has grandchildren.

using lemon or lime juice and water as a natural deodorant hahahahaha.

new fatherland, and wewlad, looks like jim and bradan are guest hosting the daily shoah while seventh son is on vacation. well looks like i am gonna have to listen to another episode of the daily shoah hahahaha.

get

hahahahahahahahahahahaha

yes there is one more that is the coup de grace hahahaha

dont have nearly enough pictures on this blog.

that old friend contacting me reminded me that me and him got/get along really well and i dont have any friends like that in muh life any more. last time I saw him, That Woman was still a part of muh life, and becoming increasingly important to me. in fact i mentioned her to him, like i have this female friend that I get along with really well, and she’s not ugly, and she just broke up with her BF of 4 years, and I SHOULD be in luv with her, but I’m not, I dunno, it’s weird. and then soon after, i was in luv with her.

i mean if i lived in the same town as him, i would be hanging out with him all the time. great guy all around, just top tier man.

but he only lives 60-70 miles away! that is not far!

its too far for me, apparently.

but he is also good about accepting me for the lazy grumpy low energy low effort never lift a finger selfish badfriend that I am, hahahaha.

but yeah with her leaving my life over a year ago, i lost somebody that i felt very close to, and it was a big deal for me at least. point is i was pretty close to him as well, not in a secsy way of course, but we got along really really well in a way that I dont get along with my less close male friends.

aug 10

welp its all about the 16/8 intermittent fasting nao hahahahah. plan today is dont eat “breakfast” until 1.30 pm. totally doable.

applied for state general office job, 31k a year. not bad right? took 28 minutes on application, way up from the average 12. that average is slowly creeping up lately hahahah. might even get to 13. they asked like 5 or 6 “short answer” questions that thankfully I had saved the same questions and answers from a previous stupid app with this same state dept. which was almost 1 month ago. didnt even get a rejection from them. i suppose they could still call me in for interview. job today was only open for TWO DAYS. the posting I mean. my alerts usually come in after 24 hours. so it was opened yesterday, i found it today, and it closes TOMORROW. wow hahaha. wonder how many apps they will get. 200? certainly 100.

setting goal at 1200 calories a day. before the goal was at like 1450 and that was kinda hard to do every day. and I wasn’t really losing any weight. sheeeeeeeeeeeeeit. takes a LOT of self discipline to limit yourself to 1200. BUT I kinda need some kind of self disclipline!!!!!!

basically, the CONNECTION that i had with that woman, it was special, it was good, and thats what I want to have with the Woman I Marry and Have Children With. A Close, Intimate CONNECTION and Closeness and Intimacy. not something that falls short of what I had with That Woman who Childishly Ran Away from me.

connection, closeness, intimacy. it is VERY important. it is the foundation of TRUE LUV.

if you do a very fast google search on where a company office is located, and you immediate get hit with terrible reviews of the company and their “shady, useless staff”……should you still apply there hahahahaha.

sheeit they say the most powerful vitamin d sunshine is between 11am and 3pm. i usually go for muh long walk around 6 pm. because i hate walking around like a derelict earlier than that. but i might try it today for 1 hour from 2 to 3 pm hehehehe.  get some vitamin d. because the vitamin d supplements apparently dont work.

did i mention the sweet admin asst job that rejected me within FOUR HOURS of applying? i mean it looked real good. when I say that, I mean it doesnt seem to involve a call center, and the job description is fairly straightforward, no bullshit, and seems like something i am capable of, and i say HALE YEAH and apply for it ASAP, and mark it with “APPLYYYYYYYYYYY” and apply to it within an hour, if not right that minute.

another thing says between 10 am and 2 pm.

obviously most whites are at WORK during these hours and cant get their vitamin d. also, 66% of the US does not get direct enough sun during the winter to make vitamin d from sun, so you need Cod Liver Oil to help you as it does for the eskimos who get no sun ever. and the samis hahahaha.

so, armed with this SCIENCE IS MY FOOKING AWESOME GOD, I went for 1 hour powerwalk from 1:30 to 2:30 pm. it was already 90 degrees which i Luv. anyway it was great and I regret not doing this on other sunny days because i was too ashamed to be see not working during the workday hahahaha.  so i can still do a few more apps today and ive already done FIVE. then took a break and powerwalked and got OFFICIAL sun.

anyway i could tell right away it was different than the sun at 6, 7 pm. totally different. as they said, if you look at your shadow, it looks pretty short. short shadow good, long shadow bad. the sun was almost directly overhead. right above me. 90 degrees. the directness is key. also i am definitely in that 66% of the US that you can only get this during SUMMER.

i figured 1 hour was good enough. dont want to get a BURN. and of course if you use sunblock, you dont get vitamin d.

sun altitude needs to be above 50 degrees. today it got up to 62.7 at 1:30 pm hehehehe for my latitude.

http://aa.usno.navy.mil/data/docs/AltAz.php

so yeah i got the most of that. ideally i would have not wore a shirt at all hahahahahaha but i wore a “tank top muscleshirt” hahahaha.

11:30 to 3:50 is the times the sun was above 50 today. that is a very short window of time! ive been doing this all wrong!

essentially i am trying to “sunbathe” hehehehe.  for mainly vitamin d and some very slight tanning purposes. not to look “tan”, but basically to not look Pasty or Pale.  like these sluts that go to the tanning booth. they just look HARRIBLE.

i just want enough sun so i dont look like a pasty neet who never goes outside! becuase i LIKE going outside, most of all during the summer! ie right now!!!!! this is easily my fav time of year and soon it will be over! by the time you read this it will be the middle of february! and hopefully i will be working hahahahaha.

and we will have a new pres inaugurated, hopefully trumpenfuhrer. and hopefully he doesnt sell out the common white working man. but hillary could still win. the past week or so has been protrayed as trumps worst ever. i mean trump may have had a slam dunk in some states, but i really dont think he will in the general election.

june and july are best months for over 50 degree sun. aug is ok. sept is surprisingly bad. october is no chance.

yeah well what do you get from 45 degree sun? anything?

like in september there is barely any time to get the useful sun. the UVB rays. the UVA are the bad ones. UVB only breaks thru above 50 degrees. UVA can still get you tan but they also give you cancer.

i wonder how many cox these totally qt volleyball gurls are taking at the olympics. i mean shit their fathers can accompany them and keep them from whoring it up. also some athletes are Married or Committed. and so they should uphold their commitment to their BF by not CHEATING on them while they are at the olympics.

just in case i ever get into a committed real with a beautiful 20 year old olympic athlete gurl hahahahahaahah.

ok. 7 job apps. AND an hour powerwalk in the peak vitamin D sun, all before 5 pm. the sun gave a bit of noticeable tanning as well. much more than many hours out at 6 and 7 pm. lesson: the 1pm sun is EXPONENTIALLY stronger.

the bitch on this american pickers (jooers) would be very good looking if she did not have all those god damn degenerate tattoos! she is obviously a tattoo aficionado. and it is sad. because she is a physically healthy and very attractive 8+/10…..and then she defiles her body with a SHITLOAD of RIDICULOUS tats. which indicates SEVERE emotional disturbance.  CRAY CRAY. total cheater, mudshark, bipolar, borderline.

no father would let their daughter do that. unless the father was himself a tatted up freak. good chance of it. probably a biker or some shit.

BIKERS DO NOT MAKE GOOD FATHERS.

This one gurl I briefly liked, and was a crazy mudshark slut, her father was a biker and he was also a deadbeat and not present at all, which largely led to her becoming a crazy mudshark slut. good job friendo.

it can still be hot as hell and you can still get skin cancer and sunburn at like 5 pm….butyou wont get any of the useful UVB at that time! ridiculous! it really is not intuitive.

dontrustleme

bwahahahahahahahahaha

so. say you are applying and bla bla health care revenue cycle managed services inc for job a, you attach your packet for it.

then, 5 minutes after applying, you find job b with same company. you delete packet a from being “associated with the candidate record” and then upload packet B, which of course is very similar, just with a very words changed.

so what do THEY see when they look at your submission for job a? do they see packet B? do they see nothing?

of course they wont TELL you, they just throw your shit in the garbage where it belongs hahahaha.

so now my official policy is, keep uploading a new packet for every job, and give it a filename accordingly, until the system says you cannot upload any more. then delete the oldest one.

the things we do to get a 14 an hour job!

in the good old baby boomer days, it was assumed that you would be trained on the job for every job. NOW that assumption has shifted entirely: its not the COMPANY’s responsibility to train you anymore, its YOUR responsibility to TRAIN yourself.

it has been hard for me to accept this since in muh family and muh upper working class community, the boomer previous generations who raised us, they were in the Company Trains You world, and the next generation, Us, We are in the You Train Yourself at Great Expense world, and yeah you can get a little assmad about it. like how come I gotta do all this extra work just to get what you didn’t have to do ANY extra work for?

because joos. and you can either accept it and make some money to try to create your own strong white world, or you can complain and let da joos assraep you without putting up a fight.

359 days since i sent The Last Email to her. Aug 17th is the big one year no contact anniversary. maybe i should celebrate. yes i really should.

aw sheeeit that goddamn healthcare company essentially keeps positing the same jobs every 3-4 weeks, and i keep applying to them, only they use a different requisition number, but its basically the same job. I never get called. I have to wonder, are they actually hiring people? or is this one of those PHANTOM JOBS? that will just get posted every 3 weeks over and over and over again, getting 60000000000000000000000000000000000000000000 applications, allowing them to maintain a pool of the 100 best people of all time? which they prob wont do because its too much work. no time. time is money wagie! we can’t afford to schedule more part time hours to do that task!

like this fooking hospital. EVERY job they post is part time. like fooking nursing jobs, medical assistant, stuff you need an education for. getting a full time days job there is impossible.

i mean there are .7 FTE jobs and midnights jobs and PRN jobs and Rotating Shift jobs.  i am thankful i am just not that DESPERATE yet!

ok did a 3.6 powerwalk. 6.6 total today hehehe.

listened to that scottish 34 year old virgin with the phd who lives with his parents and cant get a job and has sent out hundreds of applications and gone on…..only 5 interviews as far as i can tell. well i have done 13 interviews and sent out 350 applications and nothing mother fooker so i am better than u virgin hahahahaha.

no i kid. i am totally on this guys side. totally. 100%.

he finds the silver lining in that he has very few expenses, he doesnt need much, he doesnt want much, he doesnt spend anything, he doesnt have some soul crushing job, and he doesnt have some bitchy GF sucking him dry.

that last bit sounds pretty mgtowy in the worst way and was the only thing i disagreed with.

when i was at “rock bottom” one of the few things that gave me hope was the idea that i was part of something larger, something greater, namely, the beautiful white race. and maybe ONE DAY I would be able to add to that white race and help it live into the future by having white children of my own. i saw the entirety of the White Race throughout history and how I was part of something beautiful and sacred. i might be unable to survive independently, support myself, find a woman, get married, have children…..but i could support other white families, add to white survival in other ways other than having children.

IDEALLY, having children is the BEST way……but theres still OTHER things I can do. also, not all whites who have white children are race conscious AT ALL. and would just as soon get knocked up by a white biker, then get knocked up by tyrone the black thug.  OR the children are swpl marxist hipsters and they teach their children that race is a social construct.

but yeah basically Race gave me some security, stability, confidence, and a sense of BEAUTY when I really needed all these things. when the world was a lonely, ugly, brutal, loveless place. when no job would hire me and no woman would hang out with me.

You can take muh life, but you can never take muh whiteness!

COME HOME, WHITE MAN.

it really was a big thing for me, and I recommend it to all white neets and losers and virgins. it grounded me and fixed my nihilism problem hehehehe.

You dont need to believe in nothing when you are WHITE!

now, white winners and normies will say this is sad and pathetic, and i’m CLEARLY becoming a racist because I have no real accomplishments of my OWN. and theyre not even really WRONG!

but I feel absolutely no guilt about being a white racist or about loving whites. It feels good and pure, like the love you have for GOD or a WOMAN or your FAMILY. It’s seriously on that level. and how can that be a bad thing???!?!?!?! ITS NOT!!!!!!!

women never will understand this. it doesnt matter. just find a woman who hasn’t been with a nonwhite, marry her, get some white babies out of her, and THEN she will probably understand, and never go black.

but yeah. women are not loyalty to their MEN, they are loyal to their CHILDREN, IF they are loyal to ANYONE. And MANY of them are NOT EVEN LOYAL TO THEIR CHILDREN!

again, it all starts with their fathers. The better the father, the more loyal a woman will be to her boifran or to her children.

in other words, i should have stayed away from that woman as soon as I learned she didnt have a real father. which i learned quite early.

BUT I did kind of build a BIT of a wall. I could feel her wanting to get close to me, and I was thinking, you have a boifran, and also you dont have a father, and I dunno. I will be friendly and nice and talk to you but I’m not gonna let you all the way in. we’re not gonna hang out every single week.

of course as time went on……..i was like well we get along SO WELL! and she’s SO NICE! she turned out SO WELL despite not having a father! and NOW she’s single!!!! she would be a great GF! and she’s going out with a black sleazebag so quickly after ending a 4 year rel, her first serious rel???? WTF????? Why not me????

so yeah you can see my train of thought.

but obviously IT WASNT MEANT TO BE. not even a little bit.

hard to say if we can trace that back to the no father being the root cause. IT CERTAINLY DIDNT HELP.

i dunno if i should argue for increased dose of citalopram tomorrow when i see dr. id just as rather argue for not seeing them every 6 months, but instead every 9 or 12 months.

i mean i am of the thought that i am basically untreatable and i need all the help i can get. the main thing that cures me will be Lifestyle Changes leading to Actual Success….and I haven’t gotten there yet, so keep throwing increased dose and also regular shrink sessions at it. shrink once every 3 weeks, and gradually increasing citalopram. why not. i mean im not getting younger and i am pretty far behind. need all the help i can get.

i have gotten a lot better about doing Job Search Work…….and its gotten me 13 interviews………but it hasnt gotten me an actual JOB yet. and then once i GET a job, I will damn sure want as much citalopram as possible to keep me from having a NERVOUS BREAKDOWN and SNAPPING.

because when I had muh Nervous Breakdown with the Job and the Woman, I had also run out of muh paxil.

but i feel that was a coincidence rather than causation.

i mean basically a large cause of the despair is my own sense of being a failure at accomplishing things meaningful to me: namely, with jobs and women. i just want the american dream of a 14 an hour job that doesnt drive me totally crazy, and also a 7/10  approx 25 year old tradwife that’s been with no more than 3 guys, whites only, hahahahahahaha.

and i will feel a sense of despair until I achieve those Major Life Goals.

i mean OTHER PEOPLE have acheived these things before age 25. why shouldnt I hahaha.

they say dont compare yourself to other people. i see their point, BUTTTTTTT…….

ITS ABSOLUTELY IMPOSSIBLE NOT TO.

Because you see average normies, not super geniuses, but just average normal normies achieving the fairly modest things that you want to achieve. i’m not asking for the best. I’m just asking for 14 an hour job, not to go crazy, a 7/10 wife, 25 years old, less than 4 guys, whites only.

MAYBE THAT IS TOO MUCH TO ASK!!!!!!!!!!!

 

TORTURE PRON : THE DEGENERATE PSEUDO-RELATIONSHIPS WOMEN HAVE

june 19

happy j00 years eve. if you are a woman making out and sucking dik at midnight, congratulations, you are an unmarriageable whore degenerate. enjoy getting old with your cats and fatherless mud children, ya fat piece of shit hahahaha. things are alot worse for you at 30 than they were at 20, eh? bet you wish you married your first BF who you callously threw away because you just had to get more “Experience.” now HE’s happily married with 3 children and making 80 grand a year and wouldn’t think of taking you back.

Anger towards women much??? hahahaha. like i said, I’m in a phase. phases last at least 3 months.

or maybe he’s still heartbroken 10 years later and became a huge loser and hasnt been with another woman since, and would gladly take you back, even though youve gotten a lot worse, but you dont want him because he’s more pathetic and unnattractive than gangster thug deadbeat blacks hahaha ya damn dirty MUDSHARK.

BURN THE COAL, PAY THE TOLL.

ONCE YOU GO BLACK, WE DONT WANT YOU BACK.

did i post this DF post I made yet? well here it is::::

Welcome to DF! Thanks for sharing your story and feel free to share more.

I am not a professional and can only speak of my own experience, but many of us seem to have shared some similar experiences, hahaha. So I can’t really add much new to this topic.

One thing I do find interesting is how bad people are at reading signals. In my opinion, it’s much better to have an open, direct conversation rather than rely on nonverbal signals to do the talking.

However, when I have feelings for someone, I feel like the signals I’m sending them are impossible to miss. How can they NOT see I have feelings for them? So it is possible that this woman already has an idea that you like her. Maybe not, though. Just as signals are often unnoticed or misinterpreted, people can also be obtuse and not notice obvious signals.

Well, probably some signals of some things are clearer than others. I don’t know. I had a similar situation that ended badly and I have been in pain and confusion for months afterwards. Just not knowing, not understanding, being confused. Not fun!

So for this reason, I always encourage to just talk to the person. Or write them an email. Or send them a text saying “by the way, the person I like….is you” hahahaha. It might not change the general outcome, but I think it’s a much better way of dealing with that outcome.

Of course many people are not good at communicating either. You can want to communicate with them, and they can refuse to communicate with you, and if you’re like me, you may desperately beg “PLEASE RESPOND” hahaha. Sure sign of a bad situation there, haha.

Anyway maybe telling her how you feel, and it doesn’t need to be a big dramatic thing either, maybe just something like “yeah I think I have a crush on you and I was really surprised to see you dating this new guy so soon. Couldn’t you tell from the way I was acting? Have you ever had feelings for someone they did not return? How did it make you feel? How did you handle it? Maybe we should spend some time apart until this blows over. Call me if you feel like dating hahaha”

Maybe try to help them understand how you’re feeling, by getting them to think of a time they were interested in somebody who wasn’t interested in them. I can’t imagine this is ever a pleasant feeling. One-sided, unrequited feelings.

I’ve only ever been on the giving end of one-sided feelings, but I imagine being on the receiving side of it is very awkward, and we are well aware that many people avoid anything awkward like the plague. Just ignore it and hope it goes away. In my opinion, this is an immature way of “dealing” with things. Probably the pain of having one-sided feelings is a lot worse that the pain of awkwardness the receiver of one-sided feelings feels.

Knowing what I do about having one-sided feelings, if someone ever felt that way about me, I would want them to talk to me about it. But I’m not sure if I’d be mature enough to say “You seem to be acting weird. Do you have a crush on me or something?” hahaha. Well, I would HOPE to be that mature.

At the very least, telling her might give you more of a sense of closure, and be able to move on and get over it more quickly. Like, I clearly told her, and she clearly said yes or no. Of course she might not clearly say yes or no….. At that point I might put my foot down, and say “I need to know yes or no. Think of when you had a crush on somebody, wouldn’t YOU want to know yes or no?”

But I think anything that isn’t a definite yes……is a no. “I don’t know” = no.

OK that’s enough of my unsolicited advice, hahaha. I’m not telling you you should do this necessarily, but just something to think about. I know in my tribulations with unrequited feelings, I wish I had been more direct and timely with my verbal communication. Please let us know how things go!

Also, I think a gap year is a good thing. I wish I had done a gap year….or 2 or 3! I was wayyyy too immature and unfocused when I started college (“uni” as you Brits call it, haha), and as a result I got a useless degree, and have not really moved forward in my life in the 10 years since graduating uni. At 30+ years old, I still feel like I am 18-20, hehehe. Also I wish I had seen a therapist at around that age (18-20), which might have helped address my issues before they became bigger problems. Also I would caution you not to use drugs or alcohol to try to escape your worries! Those can become very bad habits that ultimately just make things worse.

Good luck and please let us know how things are going!

END POST

on a guy who works with a female friend and he likes her but she doesnt like him. and she apparently has no idea how he feels. how does this even happen? i know signals suck, but thats one of the easiest signals there is!

another post i just made today:::

I think different people have different expectations regarding sex, and it is best if we can pair-up with somebody who agrees with us on this issue. For example, I have no interest in casual sex. I think sex is inherently very powerful and profound, as it is the process that creates new life. But because it has a “pleasurable” component (supposedly, hahahaha), I think a lot of people try to separate that pleasure component from the reproductive component, and that can cause mismatches of expectations among people. It possibly explains the motive for casual sex, in that it’s something you can do for “fun”, and take steps to minimize the reproductive aspect. But even when I was younger and had a MUCH stronger libido, I didn’t want to have sex outside of a committed, meaningful relationship, possibly because I felt the hedonistic/pleasure aspect could never be fully separated and compartmentalized from the reproductive aspect. You were sharing something deep and special with someone else, so ideally you would have a special relationship with a special person.

So as a 21-year-old virgin with no success with women, I was feeling increasingly insecure, as all of my friends were not virgins, had been in longterm relationships, etc. I think I made up my mind to just “get it over with” and see what happens then. I met a young woman who was very experienced and she was very willing. Not surprisingly, I got feelings for her very quickly, and was heartbroken when she got bored with me. I felt a bit resentful that I had “compromised my ideals” and had “thrown my virginity away” on someone who wasn’t interested in a real relationship. I vowed that I would re-establish my original plan of “waiting for somebody special.” (Not that I didn’t think she was very special at the time! She just didn’t want to have a relationship with me.)

I soon met another young woman (I was in college/uni, never again was meeting women so easy!) and we began hanging out and I started to get feelings for her. I had a few possible chances to have sex, but I said to myself NOPE I just want to take this slowly and just enjoy non-sexual physical things like cuddling and making out (which to me, were very enjoyable and MUCH more in my comfort zone than sex, which seemed so special and serious! Unfortunately the people I was interacting with did not seem to share my opinion on that.). She dumped me soon after because she felt I was wanting a serious relationship (and I did!), but she did not. And then I was angry that I DIDN’T have sex with her when I had the “chance.”

Then I finished college and tried to become an adult, hahaha, and have been a spectacular failure with women ever since, not even getting so far as “casual dating.”

For me, I have come to accept my own rather traditional, conservative views on sex. It’s been pretty easy accepting that, and a lot harder accepting OTHER people’s more casual attitude towards sex. But I accepted that my ideal partner had to be someone who agreed with me on this point.

(For what it’s worth, this has given me a clear perspective on “the double standard” between men and women, i.e., this “double standard” is explained very elegantly and succinctly by the very different reproductive roles of men and women. That is, women face much greater risks/costs/disadvantages because they get pregnant for 9 months, while a man can impregnate 10 different women in a day and then run off in the night, with no further responsibility required! For me, this made perfect sense when considering women as “the choosers” and men as “the initiators” or “the salesmen.” Of course, I felt angry and unconfident and like a failure, because I was a particularly bad “salesman” and couldn’t get any women to choose me!!)

So in short, I personally don’t care for casual sex, because I believe sex is by nature not very casual, but instead very intimate, so it is best experienced in a truly intimate relationship. However, even though I wish I had lost my virginity in the context of an intimate relationship, I am kind of glad I “got it over with” when I did, because like you say, there is a very real stigma against male virgins.

However I guess I practically AM a reborn male virgin at 30+ years of age, because I haven’t had any experience since, because I am stubbornly holding out for a real, intimate, committed, longterm, monogamous relationship, which has been VERY hard to come by hahaha. If sex is difficult to get (although its hard to imagine it as such in the hypersexualized culture in which we live!) then a committed relationship is even more difficult!

So yeah it really rustles me to see this “hypersexualized” culture where sex is treated as a hedonistic, pleasurable thing, with no deeper meaning, like the “hook up” culture and “casual dating” and “chill hangouts” and tinder and such.

That being said, if I were being offered casual sex, I would probably take it, just to experience it once again after so many years. But I am confident that it would never replace my life-long goal to find a long-term partner to have children with.

Getting older and thinking more about having children definitely shifted my views on sex, made me think more about it as The Life Creation Process. I began to feel a deeper respect for life itself, and the process which creates it, and then feeling disgust to see people treating it like some hedonistic game.

People are gonna definitely disagree with me, but this is just my own opinion! I am not judging anybody here. Sometimes people go through different phases/stages. Sometimes you want casual sex, sometimes you only want intimate sex within a serious relationship. I simply have never made any serious effort to pursue casual sex!

And also I would reiterate that if you have sex with someone who has vastly different views on sex as you do – for example, you take it very seriously, and they take it very casually – that is probably not going to end well. Regardless of your beliefs, both people should probably be on the same page.

Let’s talk about SEX, bay-bee hahahahahahaha

Anyone else feel free to rant, and make my rant look like less of a rant, haha.

end post.

me talking to a 21 year old male virgin sperg who just needs to get drunk and bang some stupid slut like i did when I was 21. then fall in luv with her and get thrown away by her and only have secs 2 times in your whole life hahaha.

some more posts in the thread, by me, basically talking to that guy:

well….. just to clarify, hehe. Meeting women wasn’t “EASY” per se, as I for 3 out of 4 years I struggled greatly with that, and didn’t meet any women, was painfully shy and withdrawn. However my final year I met a new group of friends who turned out to be very good, nice, decent, great people, thank goodness. They were also very social. So my social life jumped overnight from having 1 or 2 friends and knowing no women, to having 3 or 4 or 5 friends and knowing several women, and meeting new people regularly. Really I just got lucky by meeting the right group of people! Very lucky, and I am very grateful I met them, because like I say, they were good friends who accepted me for who I was, and I did not have to “wear a mask” or try to be someone I’m not in order to fit in with them.

Prior to that I always felt like an outsider, misanthrope, loner, but I also wanted to have real friends and to “fit in” socially to some extent. Which I think is natural. I’m still basically the same way, always have been.

So it was for the first time in my life a socially stimulating and exciting time. I was unprepared for it. I enjoyed it, but I also had a bad habit of drinking too much, and also I “had to” drink in order to have any confidence with women. Indeed when I first met the woman I would lose my virginity with, I was quite under the influence, for better and for worse.

I can’t recommend drinking to excess, however I also can’t deny that it helped “take the edge off” when talking to women, “liquid courage” and all that. But I was also drinking to escape feelings of depression and doubt in general, so, definitely not a good thing.

Ideally, I would have faced my anxiety with women WITHOUT the use of alcohol, and just gotten used to talking to them without alcohol.

Well, to be fair, after the initial first meeting, I was completely sober when hanging out with and “getting to know” the women.

But yeah, maybe “EASY” wasn’t the most accurate word, because prior to that, meeting women was terribly difficult, and since then, meeting women has been terribly difficult! It was really a serendipitous thing based on my new circle of friends at that time. In some ways it felt like a temporary window into “normal” social life, hahaha. I just wish my few experiences with women had been more long-lasting!

And when I say “hypersexualized”, I don’t know, I could be completely wrong about that. Part of that probably comes with my own obsession with sex! And creating this possibly-fictionalized nightmare-world where we are living in a thoroughly Decadent and Debauched world, akin to the Fall of Rome! But I am still convinced that there is generally a lot of casual sex going on, hahaha. Stories of high schoolers sexting each other and such. But you are right that to some extent, this stuff has ALWAYS been going on. I think it is part of being human that we have the height of libido from ages 16-20 or so, and this is probably part of our prehistoric past trying to compel us to reproduce as soon as possible.

I still wonder considering all the drama between men and women, if people are really communicating about sex, or relationships, as much as they should be. I am the world’s biggest fan of Communication, I can’t even begin to emphasize how important I think Communication is in any relationship. People need to communicate their expectations and thoughts and feelings to each other, and they seem so bad at doing that!

But yeah I hear ya, it is very hard finding someone you connect with. Fortunately I have found a few people that I did feel a real connection with, that I did want to have a serious relationship with….but the feelings were never returned, resulting in heartbreak for me.

It’s hard enough finding someone you have feelings for, and THEN they have to have similar feelings back towards YOU? What are the odds of that? That’s like 1 in a million TIMES another 1 in a million, therefore, the probability of having a successful relationship are like one in a google, hahahahahahaha.

I am probably making what Dr. David Burns calls a “cognitive distortion” there, which is leading to that overly pessimistic conclusion, hahaha.

Well you try to have a good day, and always feel free to talk more about sex, or especially Intimate Relationships, which is one of my favorite topics, haha.

….
“Hahaha” is really just me laughing at my own stupid “jokes”, which I often do multiple times in a post, and more or less indicating a light and relaxed tone. I suppose it is my own alternative to “LOL”, which is technically meaningless conversational filler! But basically it is my attempt to keep a sense of humor about things, even things that might not seem humorous. If I weren’t laughing, I’d be crying…hahahaha. :smilingteeth: Certainly there is not much funny about people breaking each other’s hearts, people throwing other human beings away like garbage, people going through the mere motions of a relationship and going through a revolving door of “lovers”, etc. But I have found a sense of humor, or even just trying to have a sense of humor, to be helpful in getting through the daily struggles! But sometimes it’s a lot like “gallows humor”, or “whistling past the graveyard!”

I meant to point out that I too felt like a total outsider, until I eventually met some people who accepted me for who I was, and then I felt more “connected”, like less of an outsider. I was thankful for that, and it taught me that no matter how much of a “weirdo” I thought I was, I still did desire companionship with people, and was even able to succeed at it to an extent. And just to clarify, these friendships were not what I’d consider “casual”, rather I meant the word “casual” to apply to the short-term “relationships” I had with women at that time. And I indeed wanted those relationships to be more than short-term or casual, but unfortunately, the women did not feel the same way.

I used to be a much clearer and better writer, I swear!

Anyway, I’m kind of in another misanthropic outsider loner phase right now, where I don’t really feel close to anyone. I have drifted away from those old friends, largely due to time and distance, but there are no hard feelings thankfully.

I think even the “weirder” of us are capable of deep and meaningful relationships, but it can be very difficult to find the right people to do that with! Or sometimes we put up a “wall” which can be difficult to take down. I definitely have a wall up right now, and I honestly don’t feel like taking it down!

And then we get into the idea of “SHOULD” and we “should” do this and we “should” do that, the tyranny of “should” etc. Yeah, I “should” let down my wall, and I “should” make more of an effort to make new friends, or meet new women, but I don’t really want to!

For me, I see it as part of the grieving and recovery process from getting over this woman I used to know. She was the person I felt closest to, then I got pretty strong feelings for her, then that came to a catastrophic, horrendous end, and it’s taken almost a year to even begin to move past it, and her being gone has left a huge void in my life, and I still can’t envision another person filling that void. So I guess I am trying to fill that void myself.

It’s also well worth noting that it’s possible to have very close male/male friendships. There have been times in my life where there was a mutual “mancrush” and I got along with male friends in such an unabashed way that it might make some men uncomfortable. In other words, it’s possible to find a sense of intimacy, connection, and closeness with other men, in the context of a close, albeit completely platonic, friendship. In this way, it’s somewhat possible to “substitute” for the intimacy that you / I / we all are seeking with a woman in a romantic relationship.

Needless to say, these type of male friends are not easy to come by either!

I’m rambling again, hahahaha. Take care and try to laugh about the un-laugh-at-able!

END POSTS

well this is fookin CHEAP and WEAK and LAME, RECYCLING posts like this, hehehehe. well the posts i make there are pretty relevant to this blog, of course i would be banned there for saying most of the other stuff i say here.

but yeah the 21 year old sperg virgin did a thread called “sexual expectations” and I just had to take that b8 hahahaha. I totally sympathize / empathize with these lonely sperg virgins. but they are young and so it causes them more distress. i have learned to live with it and laugh about it bitterly hahahah. these kids have no sense of humor about it.

its just funny and not funny how women don’t treat secs as seriously as i do. YOURE THE ONES WHO CAN GET PREGNANT, YA STUPID B!TCH!!!!! YOU SHOULD CARE MORE! YOU SHOULD BE TAKING THIS VERY SERIOUSLY!!!!!! NOT ME!!! I CAN JUST KNOCK YOU UP AND ABANDON YOU!!!

so yeah it DOES make me mad to see women just GIVING it away. they obviously need strong fathers to TEACH them correctly and PROTECT them and to make sure they get married YOUNG to a GOOD man!

instead they have single mothers who are themselves coch carousel riding sluts! with tramp stamps! hahahaha.

WOULDNT YOU RATHER NOT PUT YOURSELF IN THE POSITION OF HAVING TO DECIDE WHETHER OR NOT TO GET AN ABORTION? ABORTIONS AREN’T FUN!!!!!!

GETTING PREGGERS ISNT FUN!!!!!!!

I have to MANSPLAIN this to WOMEN!!!!! UNBELIEVABLE!!!!!

WOMEN DONT UNDERSTAND WHAT IT MEANS TO GET PREGNANT!!! THEY WORRY ABOUT IT LESS THAN MEN!!!!!!!! WHAT IDIOTS!!!!!! I HAVE SUCH CONTEMPT AND DISGUST FOR THEM!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

hehehehe like i said, just going through a phase. I have a lot of woman-contempt due to the ridiculous situation I’m in. i mean COME ON. you can do A LITTLE BIT BETTER THAN THAT, WOMAN.

SHIT, BITCH.

I wish I could just be OVER her, so I could be interested in OTHER women already. because OTHER women are gonna be BETTER to me. NICER. more MATURE. better COMMUNICATORS. not so DISAPPOINTING.

I will go on the internet and HELP OTHER PEOPLE stay out of or fix shitty situations like the one YOU put me through and made me a helpless victim to. hahahaahaha.

Maybe thats the point of this pain. It might not have been a very valuable, useful, meaningful lesson for me, however i damn sure wont make the same mistake again, AND I can help other men. So maybe that does make it worth it. Or at least, more worth it than I thought it was! I still wanna sm0ke tons of w33d tho hahaha.

8 interviews, 180 applied jobs, 1 offer hahahaha for call center. 8/180 = 4.4% hehehehe.  that seems pretty good atually. apply for 100 jobs, get 4 interviews.

was watching a natgeo thing about this j00ish dr shulgin who was into researching psychedelics and their use in therapy. he thought ecstasy / mdma was the greatest thing since sliced bread and allowed you to luv your self rather than hate your self hahaha. I thought well that sounds nice, maybe I should try ecstasy, never did. in fact it might be hard to get pure mdma nowadays, the big thing nowadays is “molly” which you never know what you’re getting there.

plus I heard ecstasy makes you very despaired afterwards, a horrible crash, and also puts a permanent hole in your brain every time you do it.

well, i would do only a small dose hehehe. i am all about Experimenting with Psychedelics to try to help with Despair.

Also I think if you get stuck with some mediocre boring ugly broad, you can take ecstasy together and that might make you feel more grateful for her hahaha.  improve your shitty rel. where you are stuck with a hambeast and can’t stop thinking about the gurl you were in luv with who rejected you 5 years ago. why cant you luv this hambeast like THAT.

mckesson regularly has entry level full time jobs which I apply for regularly and get rejection letters regularly. it would be NICE to get an interview just once from these people. getting a Data Entry Clerk job with High School Level Education is like getting into HARVARD hahahaha.

maybe I should stop putting that I am a WHITE MALE hahaha. and tecnically I DO have a disability, I have Crippling Depression that makes it virtually IMPOSSIBLE for me to WORK like an average employed person hahaha.

well, disabilities might be bad. but being a nonwhite female is definitely very very GOOD haha.

Getting a job at mckesson is harder than getting secs from a woman! and women are huge sluts who give it up real easy! but not when youre a neet loser hahaha.

HEY, i was kinda a huge loser when I first met her, and I was an underachieving, angry, bitter, underconfident nearly-neet loser when we BECAME FRIENDS!!!! and she didnt seem to care. she only CARED when I started LIKING her.

yeah I GET it, being liked by someone is awkward and frustrating and you wish it would just all go away. I GET it. (I hate when people say I GET it, I GET that bla bla bla bla. Just say “I UNDERSTAND” like people used to say.)

sheeeeeeeeit.

sheeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeit.

ehehehehehehe.

well, almost 10 applications today, so that’s good. i did 10 job related THINGS today, like update profile on this staffing agency site. funny how they stopped calling me after i turned down the one call center job. so you can still use me to get your commission! just place me in a non call center job and i will be A Placement who gets you PAID! Dumb Bastards.

stupid bitch hehehe. cant even talk to me yet she sure talks to other guys and gets FOOKED by them, doesnt even CARE that she can get preggers. so what if she does, she can just murder her baby. no big deal. sex is no big deal and its ok to do it with sdtrangers.

partially i am just JEALOUS of people who ENJOY sexs and dont get so NERVOUS about it.

well i get fookin NERVOUS about it ok?!?!?!?!?!?!?!? and the only way I am NOT gonna be nervous about it, is to have a ton of secs I guess. on a regular basis. that is the main way to do it i guess.  and also have lots of valium on hand if i ever get a chance to have secs with some dirty wh0re haha.

if youre not nervous about secs, youre a fooking slutty whore, bitch. hahahaha.

thing is, she was WAY less slutty than average. I am just saying these horrible things about her because I am FURIOUS at her. and theres nothing I can do about it. but keep applying for jobs, going on interviews. so 4% of applications result in an interview. if 4% of interviews result in an offer, then thats like 16/ 10000 chances….. ok gotta apply for 625 jobs to get a job. at like 180 so far. ALMOST THERE!

you SHOULD be nervous about secs with some strange man you just met, ya dumb crazy whore!

sex is an inherently intimate act! you SHOULD be nervous about it period! unless you’ve know the person for years and had secs with them many times. and the first time you have secs with them, you SHOULD be VERY nervous. and that should only be at LEAST 6 months after you’ve first met them.

THAT’S THE RULE.

got some over the head headphones to replace finished earbuds. of course they are cheap headphones as well. Well if I can get 3 to 6 months out of them I will be sorta happy. stupid chinese crap.

well i learned from the Mutual Friend that That Woman has found a new job after only being laid off no more than 1 or 2 months. sounds like in a tech support call center, hahaha. I hope it is on PHONES and not some supervisor bullshit. I hope she has to take so many calls she fooking goes crazy and QUITS. I HATE her being more successful than me. She is stupid white trash and doesnt deserve to be more successful than me. go fook some more ingras and let them pay for your bullshit, bitch.

i mean EVERY woman whos ever rejected me has become more successful than me, and I dont care about that any more. well, im sure i did at the time.

fook it. i just hate all women. i will continue to be in a woman hating phase for AT LEAST 3 more months. probably more like 6!!!!!!!! i just hate women all right! leave me alone! i hate them because they are pieces of shit that break your heart and dont care! they dont give a shit about human life! they throw people away like garbage, they play around with life creation like its nothing, they kill their children like theyre garbage, they do terrible things without remorse, they are sociopaths with no heart or conscience, THATS why i hate women! I have VERY GOOD reasons! or at least very good reasons to hate HER! unfort I just dont want any other women. the only woman i WANT, I also HATE. never a good situation. I just wanna smoke a pound of w33d.

its like she’s BEATING me at life in every way. can do a job that i can’t handle. she can handle life and doesnt fall apart. and she doesnt need a loser like me bringing her down. thats why she Cut Me Loose. I was just Dead Weight on her life.

yeah well even when youre throwing away dead weight you should still do it nicely.

plus it sucks BEING that dead weight and KNOWING it.

took a .7 dose of nyquil, sheeeeit. gotta respond to this mutual friend and I dont want to say TOO MUCH about that woman….but i AM butthurt! i feel i will NEVER get over her and I HAVE to get over her in order to ever be with someone else! And I DO want to have a Wife one day, a Special Woman! and since it CANT be her, it HAS to be someone else! And Im just not ready for that! I just want to work like an adult and smoke weed for a year until she is such old memories I never think about her and dont really want her!

got some protein bars from the store. i originally wanted to get some Protein Powder but it was 20 bucks for a big container. I might have gone with a 10 dollar smaller container. come on. so i went with buying 2 small protein bars. with 20 g of protein each.

 

WOMEN SEPARATE SECS AND LUV SO MUCH, THEY NEED SEPARATE MEN TO PROVIDE EACH

may 7

had semi interesting dream featuring woman1, aka woman2003, the first woman I ever went crazy for. she was not the best choice but probably not the absolutely worst choice either. i dont know how slutty she really was. ultimately she had probably been with less than 10 guys, so thats pretty good. no children. college student in Fine Arts, hahaha. she was basically a Hippie and A Painter. Recipe for Batshit Crazy yeah I know. Kinda weird that I fell for a gurl with that personality, I never really did again. But she was nice and friendly and energetic and not super bitchy, not mean or grumpy. and she liked to take MJ and listen to some of the same music I did and was partially in muh social circle in 2003. now she was very cute and maybe established me as a Leg Man, and indeed, That Woman might have been somewhat similar in body shape.

anyway in the dream we were spending the night in the same house but in two different rooms, right next to each other. ideally I wanted to go into her room and make out and cuddle with her all night long. hahaha. but I was aware the more masculine thing, and which women would more prefer, is that I march in there like a conqueror and pound the shit out of her ass like a real man, then maybe I could get some of my precious cuddling afterwards. But I had to establish my dominance as a masculine conqueror, not a sensitive feminine cuddler.

so I went in there and was not nearly as masculine as I should have been. She was friendly to me but she did not see flirtatious or inviting in that way.

Now this is problematic for me, because I find “flirtatiousness” to be overly sexual and SLUTTY. I honestly don’t know how a woman should signal more-than-friendly interest in me without seeming slutty. I am perfectly happy with women being warm and friendly and nice to me. Unfortunately, that doesn’t mean they want to get pounded by, or even make out with you.  i wish it did, though, because I find actual flirtatiousness to be too slutty and degenerate and pornographic! but maybe that’s MY problem, and I just have accept that It Is What It Is.

https://productforums.google.com/forum/#!topic/chrome/oH7VZGY5h9w

this is my problem with Tech hahaha. the users of chrome, a big name browser made by one of the biggest tech names, are pointing out a pretty common sense feature request since 2012 at least which has not been address by the company. the best support and response we can get is from an Asian “subject matter expert” who is probably making 1 dollar an hour if that as a contractor for google.  and who doesnt really know shit and gives answers like “we aren’t aware of any feature that does this, if you can’t find one, then it probably doesn’t exist.” thanks google support employee.  but realize this is the answer being given to them by their level 2’s in a chat room. and you arent allowed to speak to the level 2’s.

well could we escalate this and double check for sure? could we submit a formal feature request to the well-paid american google employees?

the feature request is to have an auto-logout of the chrome browser when you close out of chrome.

because you can connect the browser with your google account, basically to import all your history, bookmarks, and PASSWORDS on any computer or phone where you use chrome. home, office, anywhere.

but say you don’t want somebody at your office like your boss or IT Dept SysAdmin to get access to your gmail and facebook and neet virgin despair blog and banking and white nationalist forum hahahaha.

and say you forgot to log off your account from chrom before closing chrome. you know how it says your name on the little box in the upper right.

well, to really “sign off” from this, you have to go into SETTINGS and click on “disconnect my google account.”

ideally this option would be available when you click the little name box.

ideally it would give you a checkbox to be able to disconnect you automatically when you close the browser.

people have been asking for this since 2012 and probably earlier, and it is SO REASONABLE. how could this be too expensive to implement. yet google has given no response to it except a shitty response from an asian contractor making 1 dollar an hour.

PATHETIC. DISGUSTING. SHAMEFUL. This is the biggest tech company in the world, making one of the biggest browsers in the world.  we arent talking about internet explorer here hahahaha.

is there REALLY something i’m missing because I’m not an EXPERT? where common sense is actually wrong because of something weird that only the super trained eye can see? well they are sure not attempting to explain it. and here i WOULD like an explanation. Have someone with a GOOD job (making 40 k a year or more) ATTEMPT to explain it to me. not a 18 year old asian gurl in Customer Service. the customer service should be better trained in the technology so they CAN explain technical things. I don’t blame these poor pathetic souls at level 1 customer service. i blame the managers hahahaha.

for those jobs, customer service is very important…..but so are technical skills. you can be nice and professional as shit but what good is it if you don’t KNOW anything?

and thing is, BOTH these things can be coached and trained and taught. but that takes TIME and MONEY companies are not willing to invest. its actually cheaper to contract a staffing agency AND offer a higher wage to new people……than it is to train/invest in existing people? so just fire the existing people? I guess so. if something doesnt make sense on the surface…..the reason is because its cheaper. cheaper in the short term. that is ALWAYS the answer. Note: what is cheaper in the short term is often more expensive in the long term. So why don’t companies seem to care about the long term? because you can’t have a long term without a short term. so cheaper in the short term is the answer for EVVVVVVVVVVVVVVEEEEEEEEEERRRRRRRRYYYYYYTHHHIIINNNGGGG.

NEVER FORGET THAT. It will save you a lot of frustration and confusion and anger.

anyway, my dream.

I think I finally made up my mind to go in there and pound her like a man. she was still being just friendly rather than sexy to me, which as I said, i prefer. I wish all flirting were like this. I wish women never acted “sexy” because to me it seems very slutty. but unfort it is what it is, women dont operate like that. anywhere she took her clothes off which i guess is a good sign for pounding hahahaha. but her entire body from her shoulders down to like her hips were covered  in weird colored body paint. i said ummm thats not a giant tattoo, is it? YEP! she responded. huh. so a large part of her body was covered in a permanent weird colors. great. mainly it covered the breasts and stomach area. in a way it was somewhat titillating, but it would obviously get real weird, real fast. great. this isnt what I signed up for. SO i decided I should Hit It And Quit It.

put as soon as I made up my mind to Pound Her Masculinely, she essentially faded away or kept disappearing. As by now the dream had been going on for a while and I was waking up and it was time to end. you know how dreams only last for so long then start fading out. then I woke up. no pounding her ass hahahaha. i had WAITED TOO LONG. SHIT OR GET OFF THE POT.

but at least the woman in the dream was a different woman, and it rekindled my feelings for that woman hahahaha. well shit she is older than me! but I was very young then. she got a master’s degree and got married and hopefully never got above 10 and hopefully is loyal and loving to her husband and is having kids before her uterus dries up soon.  i am assuming the husband is white because it’s a very white name and thankfully she took his last name. no hyphen. no space. no appending. just a full replacement. the way it should be, hahahahaha.

it would have been fun to go out with her for like 6 months and bang her 2000 times, hahahaha. but i was not manly or masculine or cool or confident enough. i was like a peasant gasping in awe before the throne of god hahahaha.

well the only time you should be doing that is when you are kneeling before the actual throne of god hahaha.

well EXCUSE ME because I have always INHERENTLY found something SACRED and DIVINE in the life-creating power of woman.

of course this does not help if they don’t respect and revere that awesome power THEMSELVES. and just give it away to lots of guys when they are young and fertile. like spitting in the face of god.

so this is a great song off the  TON october rust album, a very very goth album but also my favorite of their very goth albums, but not necess my fav TON albums….but its def up there and was influential to me at an Impressionable period of my life. I was in high school and remember countless hours of listening to this album and writing and playing quake hahahaha. that was high school. getting stupid good grades, listening to TON, writing stories and journals, and playing doom and quake hahahaha.  also I got into more degenerate hobbies like porn, alcohol, and MJ starting halfway thru high school. that was the beginning of the end.

anyway the song is a degenerate song about eating a bitches period juice (i think hahahahaha) and a lot of the songs on this album are very Worshipful of Women in a kind of Creepy Obsessive way, but it also combines that with the Strong Masculinity of Peter Steele. Like he would give the woman a good masculine pounding while also loving them in a drink their period blood creepy way. creating the perfect bitches in fishnets and black lipstick gothic 90s album. and this song captures that very well, while  also being CRAMMED with great melodies and riffs. it has since become a bit of a fan favorite and they regularly played it live up to the end i think. It was also featured in the semi gothic vampire werewolf shitty movie underworld I think.

anyway I was thinking MY special calling would be to do a Raw Black Metal cover of this song, with Raw Guitars and drums, and blast beats, and either no or much more low-key keyboards. but that very rocking riff would be played very much the same way, perhaps to bring a “black n roll” feel. Maybe really draw out that riff and make it one of the main focus of the song. repeat it 1488 time with some blast beats some of the time too. probably keep some of the low peter steel style vocals. those could possibly be adapted to black metal.

not that type o neg has anything to DO with black metal! but I am a fan of both. that’s all.

that is my idea of creativity. not writing my own songs, but doing black metal versions of other people’s songs.

this is not inherently bad or uncreative! so I need to stop criticizing myself for not being creative enough. creative musicians are total degenerates anyway.

also TON were themselves known for doing very creative different covers of songs. for example on that same album they do a great cover of cinnamon gurl but one of my favorites neil young. however AT THAT TIME, I had no idea of neil young other than some weird old guy who hung out with grunge f4ggots like pearl jam hahaha. I didn’t really like the song. but within 4 or 5 years I was a huge neil fan, especially the album with cinnamon gurl. and I remain a huge neil fan, so it is great to come back to TON and hear cinnamon gurl with fresh ears.

also TON’s covers of hey joe and paranoid on origin of feces are just great. and yeah I guess summer breeze on bloody kisses.

they do a beatles cover on world coming down but i dont give a shit about the beatles. still. I hopefully never will. fookin beatles. LAME.

well you can find several covers of wolf moon on youtube. nothing black metal. looks like i have found my niche here.

like this qt russian gothic gurl who does piano covers of everything. you can also see her dancing like a gothic slut which I found titilating and had to turn off to avoid the near occasion of sin. also I lost respect for her because its not respectable for a gurl to dance like a slut. but i could tell she did not THINK she was dancing “like a slut.” but she WAS!!!!!!

these gurls might not like sluts, and might not think they are dressing or acting like sluts…..BUT THEY ARE!!!!!!

you shouldnt even THINK of having SECS with a guy you’ve known less than 3 months!

yet all the “dating” “relationships” I’ve had with women have existed ALL within the space of 3 short months!

beginning, middle, end!

meeting, dating, fooking, and ending!

rushing through the relationship simulator!!!!

this is obscene, monstrous, grotesque. go through the WHOLE thing, INCLUDING secs, all within 3 months. you should not be having secs within 3 months. you should be getting to know the person.

so really any time i can have a “rel” with a woman than lasts longer than 3 months…..its rare and i am happy.

its a ridiculous farce how fast this fake shallow relationship simulations happen. i cant respect women who do that. yet 50% of women do do that!!!!!!

just follow the simple rule of: never have secs with a guy you’ve known less than 3 months!!!!!!!!!! period!!!!!!!!!

this is what women USED to do, before they turned into degenerate garbage. so easily corrupted by da j00z.

ive NEVER liked this about women, even when I was a leftist feminist, and I liked her because she didn’t seem Like That, which was SO refreshing!

well of COURSE she didnt SEEM like that! she was in the middle of a very long-term relationship!

and this is how I like women the best. not when they are Single Sluts.

when they are single, they are short-term relationship SLUTS. NO THANK YOU.

how about waiting 3 months before fooking a guy, ya single sluts?

because sluts are good for only one thing, and its not DATING!

so many people have tattoos now, including dumb women, that it takes a REAL badass to NOT have any tattoos!

be like, hahaha loser idiot, i don’t have something stupid and gay permanently inked on to my body! sucks to be you!

i mean, it’s really not my place to judge a person…..but when I am essentially auditioning people to be my wife and mother of my children, then yes I am sort of entitled to judge them, hahahaha.

the standards are a bit more lax for my friends. I have had male friends who have had tattoos or who indulged in degenerate sex with sluts.  i assume they grew out of these youthful phases eventually. well i mean you can’t erase dumb tattoos. you can do super expensive tattoo removal though.

tattoos. jeez. talk about a great SIGNAL eh. signaling, I am a stupid slut who you absolutely don’t want for a wife and mother of your children.

well some people on TRS (ie, decent people who have good values and whom i trust) tell personal anecdotes of they got married to a single mother and it worked out all right. she is a good woman who just made a mistake when she was young and had a baby with a deadbeat asshole. she has been agood wife to me and we had 3 kids of our own and the other kid loves me.

I’m not saying it doesn’t happen. im just saying its a big risk because 50% of the time you’re gonna get a psycho bitch hahahaha.

well isn’t that just the same as all women in general? 50% of them being shit?

well how many women who have had 900000 abortions are shitty? only 50%? hahahaha

you see what I am getting at here. as a group, single mothers are less desirable than women without children. just like women who have never had abortions are more desirable than women who have had abortions. 25 year old women are more desirable than 35 year old women.

measuring out 16 grams of peanuts to make 96 calories. it is a tiny little handful which you could easily eat all in one gulp. then know you can only eat 14-15 small handfuls of peanuts all day and that is the amount you are supposed to eat hahaha.

having secs with a guy before 3 months means you dont take your role as LIfe Creator seriously and that you dont take human life seriously and would probably get an abortion. or ruin your husband’s life without a second thought, and feel no guilt. to be a life-destroying sociopath.

sex before 3 months is an indicator of evil, murderous sociopathy!

THIS is why I don’t like women. hahahahaha.

and it takes a SPECIAL women for me to respect and like her. and I found her. until it ended so badly wawawawawa.

yeah well i just liked her because women seem like nice decent people when they are in long term rels. and then they seem like stupid evil crazy whores when they are single. therefore i should avoid single women and only try to date married women. make them cheat on their husbands hahahaha. obviously this is shitty.

I should have just stayed away from her at the very beginning. because she had a longterm bf. and WHAT KIND OF WOMAN goes making new male friends when she has a longterm BF? would I want my “GF” or wife doing that? ABSOLUTELY NOT!!!!!!! but that makes me controlling and jealous. because I dont want my wife to have male friends. SHE SHOULDNT WANT MALE FRIENDS. If I were married, I wouldnt want female friends!!!!!!!!

well its DIFFERENT with women and male friends. women cant just have female friends because EVERYONE KNOWS women dont make good friends but men do.

so why do the women have male friends? because their boifrans are the stone cold men of steel that they luv and who fook them hard, but they just dont listen or talk or show them any interest, so they get that from their male friends?

yep you got it!

so you’re saying women need at least two men?

yupppppp!!!

why can’t they just pick one man who does both things?

because that man isn’t SEXY!!!!!!

but for men, they will certainly be happy with just one woman! the one same women to provide the Secs, as well as to provide the LUV.

why do women separate Secs and Luv so much that they need SEPARATE MEN to provide EACH????!?!?!?!?!?!?!

ABSOLUTELY DISGUSTING!!!!! DEGENERATE!!!!!!

women werent ALWAYS like this!! so therefore its not necessarily female nature. this has been brainwashed into women by da j00z, and it can be brainwashed OUT of women by Us Huhwytes!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

i dunno. even when i was really close with that woman, we never had a real in depth discussion about Sexual Morality. I knew she didnt like sluts and she didnt like cheaters……..but how low of a bar is that? cant I do a little bit better than THAT???? No not really, because just look at me hahahahaha. huge loser omega male. neet virgin.

never had an in depth discussion of if she had casual sex, or how pro life she is, or if she really understood the power of her own uterus.

I have never not been nervous when doing a secsual thing with a woman, and I would PREFER a WOMAN who gets NERVOUS about secs too. you SHOULD BE NERVOUS.

A woman who doesnt get NERVOUS about sex, has had TOO MUCH SEX. Pump and Dump ONLY. Replace with a more moral, life-respecting woman, rather than a goddam murderous nihilist sociopath!

50% of all people arent worthy of the responsibility to create life!

for a long term relationship, men look for women who would be good mothers.

for a long term relationship, women should look for men who would be good FATHERS.

this just makes SENSE. basically our main goal is to CREATE LIFE. and our ideal partner to create that life with, is someone who presents themself as a potential good mother or good father. because to be mothers and fathers is what we were put on this earth to do.

go to church. everything just seems very cramped and crammed where I usually sit. i dont like people sitting right in front or right behind me. its all just too close.

this weird albanian or greek or some kind of foreign old man sits directly behind me, as he has done several times. he spends the whole mass making sucking and slurping noises, like he is sucking his teeth. it is very annoying. when he is not doing this he is muttering or whispering something the whole time. i dont know if he is saying prayers in his native language or what.

then I thank GOD I am not as weird and senile as him. nonetheless its very annoying to hear him slurping and smacking and whispering for a whole hour. i had the urge to spin around and punch him in the face hahahaha.  i was distracted by this extremely autistic, extremely skinny young man sitting to the left of me. now that guy was WEIRD. he will NEVER get a gf or become a father. Pretty sure the weird old annoying man behind me has children, I think I’ve seen his ugly son and his hyperactive grandson with him sometimes, hahahaha.

so how come women have babies with men who would not be good fathers?

because theyre NOT THINKING. they just go and play the life creation game with any sexy man, because they FORGET that sex creates life. then they get stuck with an oops baby and the deadbeat runs off.

so I thanked GOD I wasnt as weird and pathetic as these people. maybe I can reproduce with an average woman. MY problem is, I WANT above average. but I am below average hehehe.

like That Woman. She was well above average. somewhere in the top 50%, if not top 35%. out of my league. I need someone more at the 65% percentile. or maybe 35% percentile is what I mean. meaning, 65% of women are Better than this woman, hahahaha. just like 65% of men are better than me, hahahaha. in the mating game at least.

what do they do with the buckets of spit wine that the tasters spit out at wine tastings? just buckets mixed with 9000 different kinds of of spit backwash wine. I GUARANTEE you there are MILLIONS of homeless , desperate drunks who would be CLAMORING to drink this wine. now that’s desperation.

now im desperate and needy for a woman….but I wont go after an ugly 40 year old. I seem to still have some standards or self respect hahaha. I have self respect but no self confidence hahaha.

the top half of women are attractive, the bottom half are not. Being as I am not really an attractive man, I do not deserve an attractive woman. And she was an attractive woman. good looking, young, no children, nice and pleasant and kind and likeable and not obnoxious, bitchy, or slutty. she had a real pleasant attitude, which women don’t have any more, and i can tell you, western men are DESPERATE for this type of “feminine, ladylike” woman. she has the qualities that men are ordering mail order brides for. kind and caring and nice and sweet and motherly. you dont want to punch them in the face and scream YA STUPID WHORE at them for being so blatantly obnoxious and disgusting. she will have no trouble finding and keeping a man. now the onus is on her to find a good one, and not a badboy who will cheat on her or dump her. but that is her tragic flaw, she has a weakness for Badboys.

i just dont like thinking the best woman i will ever know has VEHEMENTLY rejected me in a way that says I am disgusting and horrible hahahaha. not a good confidence builder.  i would totally bang a young cute slut just to build my confidence but of course i should never date someone like that.

im also assmad that she will replace and forget about me, a LOT quicker and easier than I will replace and forget about HER.

How can she be THAT great, and how can I be so replaceable and forgettable?

honestly. i am not THAT lame and worthless! i honestly am pretty kewl if you give me a CHANCE!

and she was starting to give me a chance to really get to know me and show real interest and care for me, which is very rare for a woman to do for me!

so yeah I worry about how hard it will be to find someone who….wont necessarily REPLACE her, but wil be GOOD enough to make me FORGET about her, hahaha. someone new that I get along with really well.

someone i get along with really well, and is good looking enough for me to want to cuddle and make out with. this does not happen every year!

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Death_march_(project_management)

being forced to work on a stupid failure of a project by stupid out of touch management

quite simply, i just don’t really LIKE any women. FORGET about like like, i’m just talking about like!

well thats not true, i enjoy this one woman I see at my weekly social event. because she is a good moral person, actually has a good sense of humor, is pleasant and nice, is very very low number and innocent.  unfortunately I have known her for about 4 years and have never been really close to her and I have never found her very attractive. somewhat stumpy and potatoey. she never went out with men because she was a low number prude. i liked that. eventually she got a BF and it became long term and serious and they will probably get married. good. anyway he is a good guy and I like him too. But I am not feeling like ooo damn should have made a move on her. dont feel any regrets there. I am just happy she found a decent man. not a badboy, but he does have masculine confidence and charisma. the perfect blend. really a good choice for her. anyway she is more successful than me anyway haha. makes more money.

Agile programming says real programmers dont write documentation? documentation is for idiots that need their hand held and arent real programmers.

i hate this shit. document document document not for your other programmers, but the lost souls who have to SUPPORT your shitty bug ridden nonsense software and actually have to talk to people. write documentation for THEM. they dont know how to code. they dont even know how to use your program.

really i just want to smoke MJ. especially when i am sad and lonely. or stressed out hhahaha.

shit. you know who is very afraid of abandonment? not normies! but people with BORDERLINE PERSONALITY DISORDER.

shit. why CANT normies be afraid of abandonment???!?!?!?! abandonment SUCKS for anyone!

but i guess Borderlines are SO afraid of abandonment that they PUSH PEOPLE AWAY with their paranoid clinginess! and they get really clingy and obsessive, fall obessively in luv!

oh god that sounds like me.

well its not a pattern in ALL my relships. I dont do it with men.

also i never acted out against women really. i would be obsessed and clingy, but i kept it mostly to myself. like That Woman never knew how much I REALLY luved her. then she would have been REALLY scared hahahaha.

Rational Response: I never REALLY smothered women out of fear they would abandon me. I simply wanted her to hang out with me because I was concerned that she was avoiding hanging out with me. I wasnt texting her 100 times a day. At the height of texting, I was texting her once a day and took days off.

 

HELLO WORLD: GURLCODER LADYBOSS HAS 1/8th THE KNOWLEDGE OF A STREETSH1TTER H1B STINKING UP THE OFFICE WITH CURRY MICROWAVE, CURRY FARTZ, and CURRY B.O.

mar 25

and indians are high on the list of my favorite nonwhite races. I just never had the dubious “privilege” of working with h1b indians in a tech office. i hear its horrible hahahaha. my experience is limited to christian indians at church and they are very nice hahaha.

shit. just feel unable to do any job. projecting confidence when you have NONE because you dont know what you are doing, and getting help is Frowned Upon. Figure It Out Yourself and Stop Wasting My Time. And Figure It Out Quickly, time is money. maybe you’re not a good fit here. maybe you’d do better at a 9 DAHJ. not quite ready for the 15DAH Grown Up League Prime Time Are Ya? how old are you again? Shit we have level 3’s making 20 DAH who are younger than you!

http://www.fastcompany.com/3058251/the-future-of-work/why-learning-to-code-wont-save-your-job

this is what i’ve been saying. ANYONE can learn to write a compsci 101 first day of class hello world program, and then pat themselves on the back for being a 15 year old gurl who’s well on her way to a powerful career as a ladyboss gurlcoder. when the fact is, it takes years of grueling, obsessive, autistic training and study and struggle to become a Real Coder, to Think like a coder, to gain the Coders Mindset, and to write actually valuable programs that companies will pay you for. All the Streetshitter H1B’s have at least bachelor of compsci degrees if not masters, do you? can you outcode them? now I hear that good american coders consider the h1bs to be generally shitty coders, but I would still think the h1b’s are better coders than some 20 year old gurl going to a 2 week code camp. i took like 4 full courses dedicated wholly to coding  and i still dont know shit. you have to learn how to Think Algorithmically.

do you know how to use pointers and polymorphism? if that sounds like Gibberish, congratulations. that’s about one-eighth the knowledge of a standard streetshitter h1b getting paid 15 DAH to code and stink up the office with Fish Curry in the Microwave and Curry Farts and Curry BO hahahaha.

wow this magazine (fastcompany) is discouraging hahaha. makes you question why you want to get a degree and work a stupid office job.

when you see the higher ups go into a meeting and stay there for an hour and you think, why can’t I ever have meetings? I want authoritative advice and knowledge! Train us! Train us! Help Us! and Those lucky bastards get to sit in a meeting for 45 minutes and not answer phones with Trick Questions like I do! this is like them going to Class and Learning the material, while I just take the Test all day that I am unprepared for!

well, hopefully you’ve identified at least one level 2 who is nicer than the rest, who doesn’t treat you like an idiot. Funny that these nice level 2’s might be viewed as dumber by the more arrogant level 2’s. doesnt matter. anyway. hit up your friendly level 2 and say, what was that meeting about, can you share with me any of the Training Decks or PDF’s or powerpoints that they had during the meeting. Just email them to me or better yet, show me some stuff on the Company Shared Drive, the one that has 100000000000 folders and 1000000000000000000000000000 subfolders and buried in there is some useful stuff, lots of old stuff, and its hard to tell the difference between useful and nonuseful stuff because you just don’t know whats right and whats wrong, what’s smart and whats dumb. NOTHING makes sense. so you don’t know whats SUPPOSED to make sense, and whats NOT supposed to make sense.

anyway. it sucks knowing that HER life is BETTER without me, and my life is much WORSE without her. she was a HUGE positive in my life. I was just an annoying negative that she wanted to cut out, like a cancerous tumor or a newly conceived human baby life.  just get rid of it.

actions speak much louder than words,  BUT we should also  take into account that you can get NERVOUS and this might make it seem like you dont like somebody, when in fact you really like them. hehehe. or people undergoing stress which makes them angrier or low energy or distracted, and you have to believe them when they say, sorry if i seem bitchy , i’m stressed out, but I still like you.

but STILL. they should give you some FACE TIME, some hang out time. how about 1 hour a week hahahaha in between their family and their stressful career where you are being to solve more and more weird problems, do more with less, know everything, walk on water.

http://goaskalice.columbia.edu/answered-questions/reading-my-date-0

like here. her date might have just been NERVOUS on a first date. the only way to clear up ambiguity between words and actions is to talk to them and hopefully they bring their actions in line with their words.  dont dump a guy because you think he doesnt like you but in fact hes just NERVOUS. havent you ever gotten nervous?

so you like him but then you dump him and then he calls you and says, hey i like you too, i was just NERVOUS! damn! give me another chance! if you like me! and then she says sorry, don’t like you anymore, your chance is over, you blew it, i found a new guy i like who isnt nervous and he fooks me great! all in the span of 2 weeks or less. fooking degenerate children hahahaha.

ok now i am overreacting. there are decent women out there. i am simply taking the worst aspects of HER and building a fantasy nightmare woman that doesnt really exist. and saying that all women are like this horrible demon that isnt even real, but made up of the worst elements of her, worst elements of some other women, and shit that angry hateful mgtows and Red Pill guys say on the internet.

this guy is all about the black pill, there was a rumor he did the college shooting in oregon but he didnt, it was that mulatto hahaha. but this guy eggman is a real hit with the ladies. i guess in this video he says some good stuff though. i wont listen to it though becuase it will probably be discouraging hahaha

http://www.radixjournal.com/journal/2015/10/6/the-black-pill

well at least he is gainfully employed and has a nice car hahahahahahahahahaha

but he is a fat bitter woman hating cigarette smoker and he has to become a hyperborean ubermensch before he can pull a 6/10 hahahaha

but he works 90 hours a week! for 10 DAH!

hes leaving r9k

anyway i guess he seems like a good guy. i think he eventually got an ugly gf hahaha.

http://www.radixjournal.com/podcast/2015/9/23/the-rakes-progress

richard spencer has an actual talking talk with f roger devlin, the mysterious phd famous for his red pilled and brilliant writings on Women

really devlin should make videos for neets and omegas on how to game women hahahahahaha

https://heartiste.wordpress.com/2008/07/23/decivilizing-human-nature-unleashed/

hehehe heartiste writes very favorably of devlin of coursh

http://nypost.com/2016/03/23/potheads-may-get-high-but-their-prospects-in-life-go-way-down/

anyway i hope that eggman guy does alright, i can kinda relate to him.

but yeah. its not surprising that men who have utterly failed with women and always get dumped….are gonna be angry and bitter towards women.

but if you get obsessed about women and read game and mgtow and mra and theredpill stuff all day, and porno, uhhh this will only make you hate women more. you kinda need to do Intentional Ignorance. which is hard to do for Truthseekers and red pill types! but its best to IGNORE the truth about women until you stop hating women so damn much. and then be a strong leader of the women in your life, so they dont leave you for not being a strong leader hahaha.

mar 26

basically, the True Nature of women is so awful that unless you are an alpha male….you WILL hate women. Cuz they just are NATURALLY horrible, until society can get them under control again, with strong husbands and fathers and shaming. not going so far as mudslims, but back to the good old days of white patriarchy where fathers told their daughters dont be a whore. hell no you’re not going away to college to be a whore. you want to date a guy? i have to approve of every guy you date. bring them to me while I clean my gunz threateningly, say you bring my daughter home a minute after 9 pm, I am cutting your balls off. you call me SIR, boy.

no burkas, nothing like that, nothing like barefoot and pregnant. but the women will grow to LIKE being mothers, and will LIKE being a Helpmeet to their Man. They will GLADLY bring him a sandwich without even being asked. They respect and appreciate him.

I UNDERSTAND and GET hypergamy. But I don’t know why hypergamy has to be coupled with such Emotional Violence and Bitchiness. DONT ADD INSULT TO INJURY. I will accept the injury but I wont accept the INSULT. Be NICE to me when you dump me for a Better Man. Treat Betas and Omegas like Human Beings with feelings and hearts. And don’t be huuuuuuge fooking whores.

you can be hypergamous, but don’t be a huge whore or a huge bitch. period.

so, its womens NATURE to be huge insulting bitches and whores? so we must use “nurture” to contain and limit women’s nature?

i dunno i hate to think that womens nature is HORRIBLE. because i dont like thinking that nature should be run out with a pitchfork. thats how you cause problems! by DENYING human nature.

well not everything about human nature is GOOD. for example, our proclivity to eat too much. we do need to learn to control and disclipline ourselves, and women have been Brainwashed by the Media and Culture that Self Control is BAD.

Self control is NOT bad, it’s GREAT. its VERY GOOD.

google how to be stoic

how to be tough

how to be emotionally tough

can you fix something without knowing the cause? probably. But I get frustrated and nervous and obsessive when I dont know the cause.

like with muh job. we would have articles on supposedly how to fix things. or rather what to do. If I were writing the articles, I would have a simple list of steps along with a simple script to say while you do them. then at the bottom I would have a section For Future Reference on WHAT CAUSES the problem, and WHY you do each of the steps you do. Why does this happen, and why do these things fix it, and how can you prevent it.

the articles were just confusing as fook. they were long and complex and they didnt really EXPLAIN anything. they had steps of shit to do, but those steps were written in a confusing bloated manner.

you needed to make your own manual for the manual.

you needed to always read between the lines and try to think what is this REALLY saying. and the level 2’s would TALK to you in the same way.

STOP DANCING AROUND SHIT AND JUST TELL ME STRAIGHT UP. IT IS IN OUR COMPANY’S BEST INTEREST TO RESOLVE SHIT QUICKLY. TIME IS MONEY.

So in terms of time being money, yeah I didnt understand why everything had to be so OBTUSE. shit being OBTUSE costs time and money.

now I can understand not training people. because then phones are ringing while people are sitting in a training session not answering phones.

i was watching “the profit” with this bald gay guy on cnbc and he was actually pretty good. he tries to save struggling businesses. takes a look at all aspects of the business, the management, the finances, the operations, the costs, revenue, margins, training. then he invests a ton of money in it and becomes a very active partner.

like this burger restaurant where he was like these burgers are mediocre, not worth $7 for this shit; your meat and cheese are mediocre and frozen; you drove out your best chef because the management and owners are huge micromanaging assholes; the place is a total mess.

but it raised questions for me. like yeah the place is a mess because it would cost a shitload of money to rent a dumpster and clean out the alley. the floor is filthy because it would cost a shitload of money to move everything out of the kitchen and restaurant and scrub the floor until it sparkles. and would it be worth that expense? does it make you more money if the floor under the freezer is clean? the business is already losing like 5 grand  a month. most of the money was going towards food costs. they were somehow spending TOO MUCH money on that shitty frozen freezer beef. now mr hardcore MBA comes in and wants to spend MORE money on food?

but i did like how he said hey stop micromanaging and being bitches to one of your best employees the chef, you drove him away once, now treat him good because he is valuable to this place.

waaawaaaaa i was never VALUABLE to an employer, always easily replaced.

I was never VALUABLE to a woman, always easily replaced hahahahahaha.

aren’t I valuable?

of coursh not, you have to MAKE YOURSELF VALUABLE!!!!!!!

Yeah well I thought I was valuable to her on SOME level.

I was at the fatclub burning 1000 calories when I saw a young woman who used to work at our workplace. who knows if she still works there. but she was working there when I left. it was weird to see someone who SEES HER EVERY DAY. I wonder if they talk, if they are friends now, if she texted her saying guess who I saw….etc etc etc.

Now I barely talked to this woman and I pretended like I didnt see her. But she was right in front of me and I think she might have seen me!!! But women are GREAT at not noticing people, or at least acting like they don’t notice people. but who knows how much they ACTUALLY notice. since i am paranoid and hate women, i think they notice EVERYTHING so as to use it against you, when they appear like they dont notice you at all.

how can a White Human Being be so horrible?

I’ve noticed a lot of Blacks in MGTOW. Like at least 40% of harcore MGTOW youtube channels are Black American Men. I wonder if this makes MGTOW men more likely to side with black men, because they are men, rather than white women. to find sex more important than race in other words.

anyway its hard to know What Is Women. Are they what TheRedPill says they are, the worst horrible pieces of shit? they sure aren’t perfect princesses. So I think we need a Purple Pill for Women, in that I think the Red Pill view of women goes TOO FAR. Women can’t be THAT bad, can they? I hope not.

Heh. it sucks to doubt your own judgment THIS much. you need to be confident that what you’re doing is right. once you start doubting, then you lose confidence that ANY of your Important Decisions are Correct. Also had this at the job. becuase you had no confidence in your knowledge, you doubted your sense of judgment. YEP i can make 60 decisions an hour, but I’ll never know if they were the right decision! you want to go through and check them? of course you dont have time for that. if you had time for that, you’d have time to train people better so they WOULD know stuff and have Good Judgment.

So What Are Women?

That Sex At Dawn Phaggot actually had ONE good point in that we are now in a state of “Sexual OBESITY”, in that anything and everything is freely available, so we (alpha males and women, not “we” at all really haha) GORGE like GLUTTONS at the feast. Same way since Hearty Food is SO freely available, we GORGE on food FAR beyond our daily needs, and become no self control fat fooks. this is natural given our UNNATURAL ENVIRONMENT. But can an environment ever be unnatural? i dunno, but it can DEFINITELY be UNHEALTHY and BAD. And I guess its human nature to adapt to our environment, good or bad.

Rick MOranis’s hiatus from acting was influenced by his wifes death from cancer and his decision to focus on his children. very honorable. unfortunately he is a J. I guess I shouldnt be surprised by that. but he is a J  I kinda like. I wish he were White because he seems very principled and moral and good and honorable.

well, i have a tendency to IDEALIZE people I like, and to Anti-Idealize/Demonize people I DONT Like. meaning, make them better or worse than they really are. all in my MIND.

anyway basically people having TOO MUCH FREEDOM and in that they can be enslaved by their Desires and Appetites and Id. Betas to Porn, Fatties to Food, and Women to Alpha Carousel during their 20s.

but these are unhealthy SUBSETS of larger groups that are NOT INHERENTLY UNHEALTHY.

hehehe see all the mental gymnastics you have to do to prove to yourself that women aren’t inherently shitty hahaha? why not just accept the red pill then?

because i cant. i cant accept that all women are shitty horrible bitches and whores. i dont want to live in that kind of world.

anyway yeah its weird to see a person who i KNOW saw HER that same DAY. TODAY. yesterday. very recently. I cant get her to respond to me, to say anything to me, she just ends a Significant Longterm Rel by Total Blocking, and then this other woman sees her every DAY. well maybe one of them left the company. I will never know. I certainly didnt talk to this other woman. Like I said I only talked to her maybe all of 1 minute. she seemed very bitchy and slutty as well. had an attractive young body combined with some pretty slutty tattoos. of course that job will make you bitchy. it made me bitchy! and others too. it made everyone more bitchy.  doesnt mean you can’t have an actual friendly meeting outside of work though. nights and weekends baby.

like I see this person, and I know this person JUST SAW THAT PERSON. Well, not if one of them left the job. maybe That Person found a better job and now makes 17 DAH hahahah and is after even more alpha men. but shes an idiot with terrible judgment, who picks awful men, and who has no understanding of what she does. how can she make good decisions and judgment on the job?

it just goes to show you didnt need to be smart or sharp. you just had to go through motions and be unflusterable. get good at saying theres nothing we can do, it is what it is, sorry, is there anything else i can help you with. you didnt HAVE To try to figure stuff out. you just make sure you say this and that and play the game and Hit Your Metrics. she was good at that but horrible at actually understanding things at a deep level. that was where I was starting to get good, by becoming obsessive and a maniac, unsustainably so.  i was PRETTY good at my metrics too. what im saying was i was a better smarter more valuable employee than her. but i was much more flusterable. emotionally unstable. yep i was more emotionally unstable than a damn WOMAN. that does not bode well for the cofidence.

it was like we were playing a game of CHICKEN and SHE won.

we were competing against each other and she won. she Bested me. she outperformed me. she was TOUGHER than me.

But yeah I just cant trust my own judgment on women. and reading anything on the internet sucks. people debate and debate what women really are. and of course women dont know.

yeah its just frustrating. that they are like half the worlds population and you DONT KNOW WHAT THEY ARE. a weird alien living among you. or not because you dont know any anymore.

i saw a person who probably saw HER, yesterday.

it would be different if i were actually on speaking terms with them!

cuz then I would be very tempted to ask, know anything about HER!

i mean i had seen another person from the workplace, this time a man, a few months ago, at the gym. he was kinda a douchebag and i avoided him. i had nothing to say to him. i wonder if SHE is friends with either of these people now. or with the young man I was friends with there. He was a great guy but back then he didnt talk to HER at all. wonder if they talk now. maybe he could tell her hey it might be a good idea to talk to ME. cuz he was the only person i actually TOLD about all this.

haha maybe she and him fooked. i dont think he would sell me out like that, but i dont really talk to him anymore. she of course i dont trust at all. she would totally sell me out like that.

really i thought i could trust her, but i clearly couldn’t. i trusted her not to block me like a stalker. cuz  wasnt damn stalking her. i was just upset she was dumping me by completely ignoring me. this would upset any man. or woman. especially a woman. if a man did this to a woman, the woman would go APESHIT. a LOT worse than i did.

well i am entitled to my feelings as long as i dont violently Aggress against another person. non aggression principle. prime directive. if anything i wish she cared more about my fee fees.

but yeah. i wonder if that girl talks to her, if she told that girl about me, and when that girl saw me, she pretended not to see me, and then told HER that she saw me. are they friends? do they hang out? what did she tell her about ME? that i was a creepy, unstable, bipolar CRAZY PSYCHO. only psychos quit jobs. dont even bother getting my side of the story. crazy psychos dont have valid sides of stories. their stories are crazy and psycho and wrong.

mar 27

is there a website with sample Critical Thinking Puzzles and Problems that you can do? Simulations? choose the next step kind of thing? in a way it was like we were working on Story Problems all day. Complicated, in depth problems where we felt Out Of Our Depth.

went to easter vigil mass yesterday and it was 2 and a half hours long. i thought you could either go to three and a half of these in a row, or go to one day of WORK. sitting in church is a MUCH better idea. because you just sit there and Praise GOD, rather than try to figure out weird problems all day and feel PUT ON THE SPOT all day.

also there was some nice music and singing as part of the mass. i thought well, they HAD to have practiced or rehearsed for this. you know that uncomfortable feeling you get when you listen to a person sing way out of tune, or a musician totally botch the performance. its like, didn’t you even practice this? it sounds like you didnt even practice this. like you just came in here and youre doing it for the first time. how could you think you could get away with that? you obviously suck!

think of a school band that is given a piece of music to play but they’ve never practiced it before or seen it before, but told to try to play it all together. and it sounds like a total cacaphony. many instruments playing the shit wrong.

well imagine you are the whole band, trying to play multiple pieces of music, and what your client hears is this amateur hour bullshit. that does not give them confidence and it sure as hell does not give YOU confidence.

and then every 20 minutes you get another complex piece of music youve never seen before. to perform for an audience which is judging you on your competence.

not sure exactly when i started studying regularly after work. i should have been doing it the whole time. I think it was around january 2015. i had already been there like 8 months. or 7. and only then did i start getting obsessive. now by then my confidence was getting eaten away by new issues and also the situation with HER was going nowhere and getting worse. that prob influenced me more to try to exert more control over my job, because i had no control on what was going on with HER.

it wasnt just that she treated ME as worthless, its that she treated our REL as worthless. thats hard to explain. it was like she didnt care that we once had an important thing, that was important to her too, which she enjoyed being a part of. for years. you wonder, was it ever important? was that whole thing in my crazy mind only? i know it wasnt, but I dont appreciate her treating it like it was.

the level of Problem Solving and COmmunication and Technical training I’m looking for, like stuff that would actually HELP me with my job, is probably so high level that you can’t expect to find it for FREE on the internet. but rather PAY hundreds of dollars for proprietary bullshit.

like my best training was studying the internal company websites, cases, knowledge base, intranet, that you of course had to log into. its not freely available on the Open Internet.

yeah for a while i thought she might be THE ONE. muh soulmate. the person I was gonna spend the rest of muh life with. a person i could get married to, have chirren with. i mean it was serious shit. i hardly even GET ALONG with a woman THAT well, and i had NEVER fallen in Real Luv with one of these rare women before. so i figured that was a sign. This Is The One.

when you get weird computer errors, you think jeez i wish i had someone who knew what they were doing who can help me with this, cuz this shit makes no sense. so then you call a tech support Genius…….who knows NO MORE than you do. does THAT make any sense? and i was that guy.

moreover, how does the AVERAGE person deal with this kind of confusion on the job, handling problems that are really too complicated for their level of training and intelligence, and there is nothing on the internet to help the average employee with these common on the job problems? there arent millions of people like me looking for help with their confusion and nervousness?

i get my travel bug on by “visiting” places through google maps and earth. yesterday i took a “trip” in krakow. looks like a real nice place.

i wonder if the people in BELARUS are any good. you could probably find a great white wife there!!!! everybody forgets belarus is even a country!!!!!!

problem solving tests for employment google

brain games for adults

http://multitasking.labinthewild.org/multitasking/

practice multitasking tests every day to get better at multitasking

i am slightly below average in multitasking speed, so i do multitasking exercises in my spare time to increase my multitasking to ABOVE average! as of now, I am in the TOP 25% of multitaskers!

because if youre NOT, that means you dont deserve a 15 DAH job. so how come everyone you know and all 30000 people you went to college with make more than 15DAH? hahahaha

that woman wanted to stop being my friend because i didnt make enough money for my age. she at around age 25 was making the same money i was making at age 30+. now she is making WAY more, cuz i am making NOTHING.

google how to LIE to people

http://www.wikihow.com/Lie

http://www.wikihow.com/Tell-Your-Boyfriend-the-Truth-About-How-You-Feel-After-Months-of-Lying

http://www.wikihow.com/Get-Your-Overly-Sensitive-Boyfriend-to-Dump-You

hahahahahaha

QUOTE

You’ve gotten involved with a guy who’s used to being babied, a guy who seems to become devastated over the littlest thing. You don’t want to be around him anymore, but you’re scared that if you break up with him, he’ll sob hysterically, beg you not to, and refuse to take “no” for an answer. Worse yet, even if you do manage to break things off, he might keep begging and become more pitiful than ever. One way to get around that is to get him to break up with you. That way, he’ll feel it was a decision he made, and he won’t keep imploring you to take him back.

END

http://lifehacker.com/5951066/how-to-lie-without-actually-telling-a-lie

its more like being creative and coming up with plausible STORIES for something, so you can have a bullshit explanation to go with saying “no” to them. it really doesnt matter what you say as long as it sounds believable. and never are you going to get called out on it. you just don’t put your stupid story in the case notes. you just note “informed caller this could not be done / issue could not be fixed / fix for problem is not available / must start over again. void the transaction”

http://www.instructables.com/id/How-to-lie-to-authority-figures/

http://www.wikihow.com/Break-Your-Addiction-to-a-Person

QUOTE

4

Take note of your communication and interaction styles. In addictive relationships, the pair is usually unable to discuss risky issues and often glaze over certain topics with half-truths. If you notice that you and your partner rarely have truly intimate conversations relating to your personal fears or dreams, you may be in an addictive relationship.[6]

  • Healthy relationships involve intimacy in which conversations go below the surface into areas you would normally not share with the public. These attachments also include give and take from both partners as well as mutual benefit from the attachment.[7]
  • Unhealthy and codependent relationships generally stay above the surface and have few fulfilling conversations. Maybe you are always pretending to be cheerful around the other person, but, inside, you feel sad or confused. You may only ever feel relaxed and happy when the other person is feeling this way. You fear what would happen if you told your lover or friend how you really feel.[8]

END

https://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/extreme-fear/201005/top-ten-secrets-effective-liars

never forget the big picture of why you are lying: to save TIME and MONEY for your company and ADD VALUE, thus justifying them spending money on YOU. you are saving them more money by resolving lots of issues quickly and getting people off the phone, than they are paying you.

why keep somebody on the phone for something your department is not willing or able to fix?

cuz you might say, well they’ll just CALL BACK when the shit breaks AGAIN and your bandaid fix fell off. the bandaid fell off and they want a new one, or a more permanent fix, or a brand new piece of equipment.

i dunno. it doesnt matter. just get them off the phone as quickly as possible so you can take the next call and get them off the phone as quickly as possible. that is how you solve technical problems. by misdirecting and getting the person off the phone as soon as possible, and at best, doing a bandaid fix that is done with all the confidence and elegance of a grade school band trying to play a fooking beethoven symphony.

of special olympians at their first synchronized swimming practice.

http://cbsg.sourceforge.net/cgi-bin/live

the corporate bullshit generator making nonsense but grammatically correct sentences out of corporate bullshit and buzzwords. NOICE!!!!!!

  • The business leaders secure our measure; nevertheless the Chief IT Strategy Catalyst interactively prioritizes a collaborative delivery framework.

that kind of stuff. meaningless mba masterbation.

 

FULL BLOWN LUV IS MUCH MORE IMPORTANT THAN WANTING TO GET YR D WET

1231

had a dream where i was walking thru my old high school as like a 21 year old man. weird. not sure what i was doing or who i was looking for. wandering slowly. about 20 feet behind me i saw a gurl i hadnt seen in a few years, who i sorta liked, but was a huge mudshark slut. i would have liked to bang her tho. we were sorta friends very briefly, but i didnt know how to pull sluts, and she lost interest in me due to my omeganess and at the time sloppy drunkenness and just went and was a slut for musicians, hipsters, scumbags, and nonwhites  happily ever after hahaha.

so i was like its been a few years maybe i can have a fresh start and bang her whore ass. so i stopped walking and waited for her to catch up to me. she must have not seen me even though i was looking right at her, she stopped and talked to someone else.  ok fine i will come back in a few minutes. who the hell does she know here? well she fooks everybody (but me) and has 90000 fb friends, maybe she found another secsy man or person she knows. whatever she still looks good enough to bang.

i walked around a bit more then came back and saw she was talking to someone else this time. great. i didnt want to just interrupt tho that would have been the masculine thing to do.

i went into the cafeteria and in there i saw THAT WOMAN. she looked angry or upset and a young black man was trying to comfort her. i went down there cuz i wanted her to see me. she saw me. and then i started crying like a little bitch and started running out of there, moaning and wailing, saying nooooooo, how could you do this to me, whyd you do this to me…. real good show hahahaha. then i woke up and it was time to get up. but it was just stupid that she damn popped in in the last minute of the last dream before i had to get up. stupid.

yeah when someone drops you like this, you can ONLY THINK, what did i DO WRONG to DESERVE THIS? WHAT DID I DO WRONG?

yeah i should have been more straightforward, but she was refusing to meet with me, but stringing me along that we would meet someday. BUT i was also signaling hardcore, that i was NOT hiding. signaling that my feelings had changed for her. she CERTAINLY picked up on that and thats WHY she became distant. she didnt WANT to talk further about this, she just wanted me to STOP. i should have just taken that as my answer, but i dont work like that hahaha i always need to tell them and have them respond to it, which i dont think is inherently wrong!

so in other words, she KNEW what i wanted to talk about, and she did not want to talk about that AT ALL. she just wanted it all to go away. well it sure did.

redacted

do women have AGENCY? many on my favorite new forum would disagree.

i dunno. i just dont know. i would like to think that decent marriageable women have SOME agency.

i just really hate the idea that if i had had more agency, i could have been with muh luv. i could have won her. i could have made her luv me and want to be with me, if i had not screwed up, had been more masculine, more alpha, more agency, more strength, more of a man. but i failed and lose muh one true luv, who would be a good wife and mother of muh children, unlike sluts, or older women, or single moms, or whatever.

heh my 2d waifu sinead is in the MW new years hangout chatroom RIGHT NOW trying to get in the actual hangout. oh i would luv that.

her and renegade view the “alt right” as controlled opposition sellouts and cucks hehehehe. they have been talking smack about ramzpaul and richard spenser. havent seen any official sht talk from them against MW but i would like her to talk to MW. She could not find the link to the hangout and i almost WHITE KNIGHTED and sent it to her hahahaha. because i like her more than other fans of MW and TRS.

that the “alt right” is a bunhc of PUSSIES and WEAKLINGS and LUKEWARM and not willing to go all the way for whites, all talk, no action; moderates, degenerates, cucks, cowards, and that sinead and co are on the real winning team hehehehe.

and i am in luv with her because she is counter-semitic and looks like the woman who i am in Luv with hahahaha. and she is the qtest young woman ever seen in The Pro White Movement.

and its no use signaling to sinead because she is with the renegade guy i think who is way more handsome and alpha and younger than me, and she has a kid with him, and she wuld think i am a phaggot pussy omega not WORTHY of a decent white woman. go and get one from fookin cambodia or some sheet. cuz i am too soft on degeneracy and dont deserve a REAL woman.

well i kind of DONT! i am a huge loser! 8 pounds overweight, jobless, no confidence, no skills, no charisma, nothing to show for myself hahahaa. lost all muh frendz and muh job and muh woman and became a neet hehehehe.

a friend of a friend is 40 years old and i learned he has an 18 yo gf. INTERESTING, i said. i am interested in how that turns out.

redacted

there is nothing wrong with a 40 year old wiht an 18 year old, although normies even men would find it “weird.” the real stupid thing is assuming a 28 year old woman is any more amture than an 18 year old! when they bring up the “well the 18 year old is just not mature” argument. yet the 28 year old with 30+ men, IS somehow mature through that enlightening life experience.

the man was very lonely and had not dated in MANY YEARS so that was seen as factoring in. turns out the gurl was not terribly attractive, esp for an 18 year old! heck the 25 year old gurl i was in love wiht was better looking.

so there was thoughts oh he is so lonely and desperate to get his dick wet.

i sort of agreed but i would add, its now gone FAR BEYOND THAT. becuase now he is in FULL BLOWN LUV and thats the important thing now, that is MUCH more power than wanting to get your dick wet!

and possible she will dump him and he will be DEVASTATED. even worse than i was cuz hes in a rel with and banging this girl. and then he will be a 41 year old man dumped and devastated by a 19 eyar old gurl.

i hate to see that happen! cuz he is a great guy, met him a couple times. but TEXTBOOK beta niceguy. not the entitlement kinda nice guy either, but just a nice sweet gentle soul, who is gonna get dumped for being Too Nice and not Masculine Enough. and he doesnt deserve that! he deserves a nice 18 yo gf!

so “my” woman wasnt perfect but she ticked my most important boxes:

not a slut: VERY below average number of cox

really nice and sweet and gentle and loving and kind and caring (until she wasnt)

decent looking, perhaps a 7/10 and 25 years old, when am i ever gonna pull a gurl THAT HAWT again?

no kids

so yeah i think damn how could i ever do better than that. well by finding a woman who actually likes me. but she probably wont be as high quality! and i will always be COMPARING her to That Person.

so really the only thing i can do to have her fade away is TIME. i mean That Person technically wasnt as High Quality as the Previous Woman, who was healthier, had a better family life, more Emotionally Mature, and had even LESS cokz!!!!!! damn!!!!

and when i first met that person i was comparing her unfavorably to previous woman! but then eventually, in TIME, i got over previous woman and fell in total luv with That Woman!

so, IN SHORT, i could possibly get over that woman and fall just in luv with an even LOWER quality woman in a few years hahahaha.

oh yayyyyy my waifu sinead shiska is now in the hangout i hope she stays in there at least 1 hour and has a 1v1 convo with MW in the new current year

she is so purty, i guess she sort of looks like That Woman but sinead is technically better looking hahahaha

sinead was talking real fast and had that crazy look and then she abruptly left. she probably called them alt right phaggot woman hater mgtows who hate women and dont deserve a good woman like her, and that alt right is a bunch of talkers and compromisers who will sell out the huwhites while its TRUE pro whites like sinead who will save the white race by having white children and homeschooling them.

well i wuldnt disagree, that is a GREAT idea

i dont even know what she said, sound was not on, just watching the chat blow up faster than i could read it!

now sineads husbando kyle is on the hangout and sinead is in the chat hehehe. they might also be calling the alt right faggots for being pro christian, pagan is the only way hehehe

again i am not actually listening

well these are legit debates. i mean the alt right is not anything monolithically. some are christian, some are pagan, some are even atheist fedoras hahaha.

theres a new guy in there, i think its seventh son from TRS oh yasssss this might be the hottest hangout yet

this might not be the first time 7th son has shown his face…..buti have never seen his face until today!

010116

its the new current year hahahaha.

i watched the countdown on fox news and then went to bed at 1220 am hehehehe. though well whos SHE fooking or kissing at midnight. last time i “partied” was 2008-9 nye because then i was drinking. i am sure i got raging drunk. yeah i think all i did was get stupid drunk, then smoked a little bit of MJ and just got completely incoherent, and the gurl i wanted to be there, a dirty mudshark  crazy whore, was not even there, prob off at some other party getting drunk and fooked. i drank myself into oblivion and passed out on a couch or floor. woo hoo. great times.

so yeah i hate the tradition of you kiss some herpes ridden b at midnight who is just gonna suck some other guys d in 15 minutes hahahahaha.

well ideally you have a monog gf, or someone you are looking to make your monog gf, and then you make out with them at midnight.

i did this once when i invited Woman2 to nye party in 2004-5. i know i made out with her at some point. everyone was drinking of courshe, we went to my room, made out, i was too scared to plow her becuase i thought that was a serious thing, then she left and got plowed by another guy in the house, then i think came back to me an hour later, then left in the middle of the night hahahahaha. what a worthless whore.

however even she communicated better and treated me nicer at the very end than That Person did!

yeah i would totallly race mix with the truth will live, a qt jewish alt right gurl, who, like me, is OBSESSED WITH MORALITY, including of courshe sexual morality, and she understands why secs is serious and casual sex is IMMORAL. she is super qt as well, way qter than a J gurl should be, yet she showed her 23&me results, which is the kewl thing to do for young “alt rightists” who are interesting in race, and yeah she’s like 98% J. its legit.

http://www.goaskalice.columbia.edu/answered-questions/why-doesnt-he-appreciate-me-0

i mean i dont WANT to hate women. i dont want to be a pathetic woman hater who hates women becuase he cant get a woman!

but i cant get a woman and when i try they disappoint me in very immature and hurtful ways. they throw me away like garbage or make out with me, then leave and FOOK another guy, then come back to me again after having just been fooked by another guy. that’s not right! thats not normal! NAWALT!!!!!

and i really do treat women on a case by case basis. i dont prejudge them. but i sure as hell JUDGE them! and most times i am judging by evidence that i see or they plainly admit! just talking about their slutty lives and casual relships! and i just say mhmm mhmm tell me more, but in my mind i am judging them and crossing them off the list of acceptable wives because they are clearly living a degen life and have no morals!

well i shouldnt say that. they “JUST” have very compromised sexual morals. but that is a dealbreaker for me!!

this hacker weev seems pretty kewl and he is hip to the racialism. i would hate to compete against him for a quality woman hahahaha cuz i would get BTFO rightfully.

that feel when its your job to help someone, a customer or client, they’re talking about something you dont know, and you have to figure it out through sheer force of will and you cant pass them on to someone else. you can sort of get help from people who are too busy to REALLY help you so they just give you short unhelpful answers via a chat program. that and shitty technical articles are your only resources for solving and explaining whatever ridiculous shit your person has. god damn i hated this. i would get so nervous before each day of work i would say like 2 rosaries worth of hail marys, starting before i even got out of bed, contiuing as i got ready, chugged coffee, pooped 3 times becuase the coffee, drove off to get there a solid 45 minutes before clocking in just so i could Self Train, make a good impression with higher ups, talk to people about Techincal Issues and try to win friends and influence people so i wasnt seen as a weird neet autist, read emails, read new/updated tech documents/articles/news,  hail marys all the way, drinking more coffee, pooping again.

the constant nervousness really sucked. damn i hated being so NERVOUS all the time!

and SHE was there every day with me. at first she was moral support and i couldnt do it without her. then she was kryptonite and i couldnt do it WITH her there. my god how insane.

ok time to go to fatclub. my resolutions for new year are to lose weight and get new job.

not to get over her because i cant see that happening before 2017 hahahahaha. also even 2 resolutions is too much hehehehe. i am optimistic about losing weight, but i dont NEED to lose weight as much as i NEED to get damn slave job hahahaha.