WOMEN HAVE NO MORAL COMPASS AND ARE WIRED TO HATE OMEGA MEN

wed aug 9

so people used to drink like 1% alcohol beer because it was cleaner than water, the alcohol killed all the germs and viruses and bacteria and shit in the water, so it was actually safer to drink beer than water. and you stayed hydrated by drinking weak beer instead of water.

could you dump dirty water into beer and then the smallest amount of alcohol would kill all germs? i dont think it worked that way. like, you couldnt ADD shit. you could MAKE really watery beer and then THAT water would be ok.

whenever i read shit on /relships, im like, why are you even asking? just dump them. just dump them.

then i realize its because they actually CARE, they dont WANT to dump them, they want to save this relship, they are WILLING to MAKE AN EFFORT, they dont WANT to LOSE this person.

and it is painful when a person just wants to be DONE with you. they want to be done with you SO MUCH that they are ok with never talking to you or seeing you ever again. you might as well have DIED.

at least send your mom, or your BFF, or your new BF, or a Social Work Student, to be a messenger of the bad news and to say SORRY, I KNOW THIS SUCKS FOR YOU. or you can just send an email or text yourself which says that. sorry, i know this sucks for you, i dont mean to cause you this pain, but i cant do this anymore, i have to back out, sorry, the end.

how hard is it to send a TEXT saying THAT? it takes LESS THAN ONE MINUTE. to throw away a person without even taking LESS THAN ONE MINUTE to say something to them is just ridiculous hahaha. i would NEVER do it to anyone.

now i am on the outs with people but its completely different situation. like for an incorrigible addict who has been given countless chances by everyone in their life. that’s not what was happening with me and that woman. i felt i wasnt even being given ONE chance to Air The Grievances. Festivus hahahaahahaha.

i AGREE that at some point you can talk about it TOO MUCH and talking about it any more wont do you any good, you just need to END it.

i’m not sure when that point is. probably when one person is sick of TALKING about it and the other person is obviously not listening AT ALL. I think this is probably more than three times. use the old three strikes rule of thumb.

so yeah i dont feel i got three strikes. never even TALKED about it ONCE. SO THERE.

eyebrows. never understood the manicuring of eyebrows on women. i have about average eyebrows and i would be perfectly happy with a woman who had the exact same eyebrows as me. well i have one eyebrow hair that grows extremely long. not sure how that happened but i just trim that one single hair like every 3 months and that is good enough. basically i prefer a natural look to an artificial look, and everything women do to make themselves up looks so artificial to me! women of a certain age are NATURALLY beautiful! why do they want to fook it up by making it look ARTIFICIAL?

for a similar reason I don’t like makeup, lipstick, eye shadow, eyelash mascara, any of that shit. no thank you. YOU LOOK LIKE A HOOKER.

maybe the TINIEST bit of makeup to show that she is making an effort for you, her man, not to seduce a room full of rich men. of course she doesnt need to make an effort in the looks department, but showing the WILLINGNESS to DO SOMETHING for you shows loyalty and luv and good faith. the more you know. rather than someone who ignores you, avoids you, and takes you for granted. doesnt really luv you. wants to be done with you but is too craven to tell you in ANY way.

hire a damn Process Server hahahahahaha.  YOU GOT SERVED.

no i didnt hahahahaha. i would have preferred getting SERVED.

aaaaannnnnd bitcoin continues to go up. OH WELL. I DONT HAVE ANY MORE TO SELL.

I resent women because (and this is certainly not the ONLY reason) is because I would be SUCH a GOOD woman. I could be a better woman than most women. Men know what Men want. Men know how to be a better woman. Women have no idea what women want, or how to be a better man, so their opinions are stupid and worthless. men’s opinions are wise, meaningful, correct, and important. Men speak the truth, women speak bullshit.

but this is the way its ALWAYS been! dont hate a cat for being a cat! dont hate a dog for being a dog!

yeah but dogs and cats arent supposed to mate together!

but im just saying its always been CONCEALED and COVERT with women, they NEVER knew what REALLY goes on inside their body or minds, so why expect them to be “honest” about it? they can’t possibly BE honest!

i guess I just value HONESTY that much. and men DO.

i guess i’m just mad that men value honesty so much and women are naturally dishonest, incapable of honesty. if i didnt care about honesty so much, i wouldnt care about women being deceptive.

heh. well, what do women hate about men? they hate weak, needy, clingy men. and there are plenty of weak, clingy, needy men out there. i’ve been one myself.

i dunno. i just feel being weak, clingy, and needy is not as morally wrong as being DISHONEST. a cheater, scammer, liar, abandoner.

because im using mens morality not womens morality hahahahaha. for a MAN, YES it is pretty bad to be weak. or dishonest. for a WOMAN, for a MAN to be weak is the worst thing ever, and for a woman to be dishonest doesnt really matter. women get to get away with being CHILDREN.

i guess i also resent that too: men have to be RESPONSIBLE, women DONT. COME ON.

if i have to be responsible, i want muh women to be responsible too.

i struggle bigly with being responsible, but i know being responsible is the right thing to do.

whitesville west virgina, think i will move there hahahahahaha.

there were yellow flags and red flags with that woman, for example some silly stuff she believed…..but EVERY woman believes some silly stuff and has some yellow flags in that way. just be grateful she hasnt been with 60000 guys red flag. besides you can probably mold her towards less silly beliefs and make her a white warrioress bearing you many little white warriors. what could be better. and then when that woman leaves you like a ghost, you are devastated for at LEAST 2 years. it all makes sense.

hey. i KNOW i was important to her for a WHILE. like she genuinely liked me as a person, liked seeing me, liked spending time with me, i could TELL she wasnt FAKING it. so i guess i just wanted her to SHOW ANY of that at the end. like i’m sorry, i know this HURTS, sorry, i dont mean to throw you away like a piece of garbage because thats NOW how I think of you. you really DID mean something important to me, i just couldnt Do Those Feelings.

that’s all i was looking for hahaha. dont be SO goddamn destructive. try to apply a little soothing balm as you rain down fire and napalm and nukes. make any effort to at least do that.

dont let a woman name your children, they end up picking a STUPIDASS name like brooklyn or something. no. brooklyn is the name of a city, not a person. be a man and name your child something traditional and good like michael or mary or anne or elizabeth or john or james or richard or donald or adolf hahahahahaha. it’s not complicated. it’s not difficult.

how can you give birth to children but not know how to name them hahahaha. how can you give birth to children but also murder them and be horrible at raising them? why can’t men just get pregnant. they would probably do it better than women. we dont need women at all. women are a net loss hahahaha. just use women as brood mares, locked away from productive male society.  they grow children, give birth, and absolultely nothing else.

so what do you do with girls. you cant ABORT them because ABORTION IS MURDER.

yeah but women just arent WORTH as much as men hahahaha. they are LITERALLY inferior. their lives don’t MATTER as much hahahahahahaha.

no i am jk of course. but you see the slippery slope.

but really i mean come on. these women. they gotta start adding value. not just coasting on this being the bearers of children bullshit hahahahaha. actually be a worthwhile PERSON hahahaha.

JEALOUSY IS NATURAL AND NORMAL. Women will never understand this. they think jealousy is always bad and means they should dump you and that youre abusive and a horrible person and you should work to get rid of all jealous.

NO. JEALOUSY is a GOOD thing, because it WARNS you of BAD things: that the mother of your children is CHEATING on you.

Now, some people might be Overly Paranoid, and that’s not good, but if your GF is spending lots of time with her Male Friends, then YES you SHOULD get jealous! instead the women bitch about their jealous bf and then end up dumping him and getting with their male friends. because their ex bf had no good reason to be jealous then hahahahahaha.

i want terribly to sm0ke mj, but i dont want to be around st0ners, hang out with these degen idiots. i just want a big bag of mj all to myself, so that i can get blazed alone, in peace. no people around. that woman would have been the exception. i liked being around her, she didnt like being around me at the end. i was desperate to hang out with her and sm0ke mj with her, had a FANTASY of hanging out with her, smoking mj, cuddling, making out, her being nice and sweet to me, etc.

but i am also happy just sm0king weed by myself, other people make me nervous. just be by myself and listen to music or maybe exercise or something.

meh i dont care if emily youcis is a huge race traitor wh0re, she has done enough and put herself far enough out there that it pretty much cancels any past degeneracy. she has made real sacrifices and done real penance. she wouldnt do what she’s doing now if she wanted to go back to fooking blacks. she has woken up and changed. god for her.

i have no proof that she was fooking LOTS of blacks, but i assume that as an artsy, punk, drinking, MJ smoking, urban young gurl, singing in a punk band dressed like a hooker, foul mouth, yeah i mean i’m not NAIVE hahahahahaha.  she CLEARLY has a PAST.

but thru Becoming Who You Are, you can be Redeemed from any sin! its really kinda like accepting Christ as your personal saviour! but probably even better! with a lower Recidivism rate is what I’m saying. meaning lots of sluts will turn to Jeebus but still be gold digging, treacherous sluts at heart. maybe eventually destroy their beta cuck husband. but when a woman goes 1488 like this…..it would be really hard for her to turn back after that. i mean i guess sinead could, but she has no credibility anyway. a newcomer like emily youcis has more credibility that sinead, who has done nothing but attack good people. its very disappointing. she could have done a lot of good.

richard spencer is trying to hire one person for 12.5k a year hahahahaha. that’s about as much as Im making right now. and he wants this guy andrew joyce who probably is a good writer and has a graduate degree hahahahaha.

my point is, i simply couldnt just waltz in and get a 20k Alt Right Job, because there ARE no Alt Right Jobs! The one alt right job there is pays 12k a year and wants qualifications i dont have!

again, you would LITERALLY be a LOT better off taking calls in a tech support call center.  good god.

anyway i think it would be better if someone like emily said yeah i fooked negroes in the past, i am disgusted with this and would never do it again, rather than sinead avoiding talking about it, when she gets accused of being a mudshark all the time, and she probably was, but just wont address the issue. just say you did it, say you’re ashamed, say you understand your mistake, learned from it, and became a better person! we will forgive you! were not monsters!

not that theres been any mudslinging on emily. the alt right has been very gentlemanly to her and she hasnt done any sketchy shit either.

well she was just on the david duke show today, which is a good show, i just dont listen to it super often hahahaha. but he just had richard spencer on a few days ago, and he has andrew anglin on regularly. i have been down with david duke for YEARS. i dont like the plastic surgeries and the rumors of degeneracy, but the stuff he says is so solid, and I was glad he ran for senate, and is talking to the right people. keeps in touch with the young kids in the alt right. WN 2.0 hahahahaha.

i have listened to at least 20 episodes of his radio show hahaha and listened to at least 60% of the audiobook of “my awakening”, can heartily recommend. great book. great info on the JQ which I got in 2012 or 2013. Duke has been around for DECADES, before there WAS an alt right, and the best thing out there was mgtow. yikes. dark days. then you found stormfront and said, hmmm i think these guys are onto something, but theres gotta be a better way of doing this. this guy david duke is pretty solid, why arent there more people developing this line of thought? and now there ARE.

heh. i am an oldfag, back when i was getting into shit, MGTOW and MRA was the EDGIEST shit the internet had to offer. besides stormfront hahahaha. and i read a little bit of stormfront too.

but yeah boy am i glad the alt right happened, MGTOW was a damn dead end.

dec 29

so yeah. while I USED to identify as a MGTOW, i did have serious problems with it as I accepted my pretty natural desire to have a Wife and Children, to have a traditional monogamous white relship. pretty quickly i realized how jooish and unnatural it was for men and women to be at war with each other, to be enemies. this wasnt all womens fault. there was a more insidious force at work.

the family life was shitloads better than the mgtow single life. i couldnt believe how so many mgtows could not figure this out and were still either talking about how to bang sluts, or how to build robot women.

tarek and christina split. i bet it was her that is At Fault. To Blame. I never liked her hahahaha. i liked him a lot better even though he is half arab. plus he doesnt look or act semitic at all.  and their chidren were adorable. i bet she dumped him and he begged her to stay and make an effort to work it out baybeeeeee and now she is fooking new guys, probably WAYYYYY more nonwhite looking and acting than tarek.

right after he had that Cancer Scare! What a Horrible Bitch! but he seems too nice and she probably needs a man who can absolutely DOMINATE, if not abuse her. she would be more down for a more dominant arab man. tarek RESPECTS women too much. many women dont want to be RESPECTED hehehehe. then they go on reddit and tell women everything is abuse, loveisrespect.org. nope. you respect a woman, she will leave you for pedestalizing her. OR do something so horrible and disgusting to teach you a lesson about Pedestalizing. Take me off the pedestal! I’m gonna fook 10000000 negros right now!

going to buy new glasses. it is the biggest jooish ripoff since going to the dentist. going to the doctor hahahaha. go into these glasses places and they are full of Shark Women doing sleazy salesmen shit. absolutely disgusting. women shouldn’t be doing this. shit men shouldnt be doing this. no business should be run like an obvious jooish scam. capitalism doesn’t have to be so jooish and disgusting ahahahaha. purge the bergs and steins hahahaha.

americas best is the WORST. if it says 2 pairs of glasses for 70 bucks……..sheeeeeit. don’t tell me that 2 pairs of glasses for me is going to be 210 bucks. that is THREE TIMES MOAR. if someone comes in asking about the 2 for 70, do you really think they have a huge budget to buy the top shelf glasses and lenses? and us rubes don’t know that frames and lenses are two different things. 2 frames for 70 is bullshit when its like 140 for two sets of LENSES.

i would ask them, what are you looking to spend, 100 dollars, ok, well for that you can get this, for a teensy bit more you can get this, then you prob wont want to go much hgiher than that!

no frills, no add ons, no extras, no upselling, just bottom shelf, bargain basement, basic bitch everything.

2 pairs of glasses, out the door, with lenses, for 70 bucks. that is what i want. i don’t care about polycarbonate, or scratch protection (well, sorta i do), or antiglare coating, or transition lenses hehehehe. maybe if i had vision insurance, which only the top 1% do hahahahaha. or people like muh baby boomer family hehehe.

i thought getting a glasses shop job would be pretty chill, but after going to a few of these places, i can see that it would not be. on dec 29 the places were packed with people. maybe thats just normal for the holidays.

bitcoin falling finally.

GENTLY signalled interest in the MJ with the one person i can conceivably talk to about this. i thought he might have not registered the idea that next time he wants to go in, i’d like him to tell me so i can go in with him. he is generally good at reading signals but i still wasnt sure, besides, i am terrible at communicating stuff like this. and he is abstaining for the medium term for very legit reasons. but yeah yesterday i made it clear that when you decide to stop abstaining, please let me know ASAP. he clearly understood what I was saying. so that is good. Now I know not to be PUSHY.

in other words, ive done all i could there.

but yeah i was like damn how could i ever do what these women do. lie to people to sell them glasses. they deliberately make shit confusing and complicated to Upsell and Add On Shit, and have horribly misleading advertising. i hate this jooish shit and i hate that white women are stuck working in these jobs. i’d be like listen, you want the lowest price, i get it, well then you have to get this. i SHOULD HAVE studied the website for americas best before walking in there, just so i could tell them the things i DIDNT want.

well i ended up finding a pair for 70 dollars, including both frames AND lenses. that seemed reasonable to me. so just said ok ill take it. wanted to get out of there anyway. fookin glasses. the place was huge, had a ton of employees, and a ton of customers, and i thought, really, glasses? such big business? doesnt everybody have lasik or contacts?

i dont like honestly not terribly smart white women acting like jooish snake oil salesman. youre obviously tyring to confuse me with glasses jargon. dont do that. i should have taken 5 minutes to study glasses jargon before i left. but i shouldnt HAVE to in a nice huhwhyte country is what im saying. i guess i didnt realize the glasses industry was so thoroghly jood. i shouldnt be surprised though. health care, hospitals, doctors, dentists, medical, insurance, its all fooked and jooed. which is sad.

and when MJ is legal that will be jood too hahahaha.

tensions with israel at the moment. UN snubbing israel and obama/kerry saying yeah we snub israel too. trvmp saying just you wait bibi, just 3 more weeks and then me, your best buddy, me, will be in office, and you wont get this terrible treatment from the US. this was always gonna be the black pill about trvmp, was his super friendliness to israel, i guess we were just gonna not think about it until it was time to think about it. which is now nigh.

i mean i guess i support a state for joos as long as they get the damn joos out of the US. out of our media and culture and govt and business and education and everything. absolutely never gonna happen.

square pegs. mid 80s teen sitcom with teenage sarah jessica parker. she was a QT when she was young, fook this horse face nonsense! but it just never suits a woman to be a 40+ year old slut, so she brought that shame on herself!

i think she is jooish. doesnt stop 20 year old jooish gurls from being qt.

yeah i believe in REDEMPTION. and if i believe in redemption for myself, which i would LIKE to, then i have to believe in redemption for other people. namely, women, sluts, degenerates. if i can do it, they can do it. if they can do it, i can do it. and i like reading stories of actual redemption.

i dont think sinead is stupid. in fact i think she is attractive and its tech good she has a baby. she sometimes comes VERY CLOSE to making good points, and then totally crashes and burns, or attacks somebody great like millennial woes. so she is very frustrating and disappointing, because she has great potential. and of course she could be redeemed too. but my god she HATES the alt right. she views it as a totally gay compromised thing. calls it the alt k1k3.  i guess i should be happy that in 2016 there are qt white women who are ok on the JQ and not afraid to use the K word hahahaha. didnt have this even 4 years ago.

but yeah if kyle is her lover she should identify as his wife, and be like, im taken by my one man kyle, and he is the father of my baby. i luv him and will be loyal to him. and not have any ambivalence there.

so in short i dont trust her at all. i trust emily Y more than her.

wow what an insensitive cvnt. and she wants sympathy from reddit. i hope they crucify her hahaha. if she worked halg the day that her husbando worked, she’d be EXHAUSTED too. but now she wants to dump him because his job is exhausting him and she is annoyed by him being exhausted all the time. what a fooking bitch. he needs a woman who can have s ome damn sympathy for him.

basically with /relships, i upvote men and downvote women. and men who talk like women. women have nothing smart or good to say about relships. they have no idea how to have relships with men.

i think if i went into americas best and said listen. i see your sign for 2 for 69.95. that’s basically the type of value i want. I want the SHITTIES lenses AND the shittiest, cheapest frames, for less than 100 bucks TOTAL, out the DOOR. frames AND lenses, under 100 TOTAL. no deals, no add ons, no extras, no 2 pairs. no scratch protection, no anything protection, i am looking for the equivalent of no-fault shitty auto insurance. i would like to buy nicer glasses but i cant afford them.

reddit is gonna say there is nothing wrong with the sister being in JOOISH PORN and the man needs to GROW UP and GET OVER IT.

now i dont think you should be quick to pull the DEFOO trigger, and always be open to forgive and allow your family the chance to repent and redeem themselves…..but the sister is not moving in that direction at ALL, in fact, she is doubling down on the PORN. so the brother is RIGHT to be DEVASTATED and depressed about this. shit what if his WIFE decided this was an ok thing to do?

i was watching andy griffith and gomer pyle USMC and i was like, these quaint shows of a better time. that gomer pyle is a likable idiot. seeing that this stuff is STILL made by joos when you watch the crrrrrredits.

or this show “Square pegs”, which i had never heard of, but seemed pretty entertaining and well-written and funny. yep moar joos. which is not surprsing as this was the 80s. but joos in the 80s and esp the 60s didnt seem so god damn JOOISH as they do now. well except for that sneaky sneaky joo norman lear. i mean i used to watch all in the family regularly, and like the character archie bunker. i still kinda do!!!!

but yeah being JQ aware really helps you with shit like that. and reading between the lines to see this is more than just a good show. its more of a subversive and offensive show than you realize. you’re not SUPPOSED to……well i cant even say that youre not supposed to like archie. he’s the main damn character. i think you ARE supposed to like him, and realize YOU are just as horrible of a racist goy as he is, and then learn Lessons Of Tolerance just as Archie does. but archie truly says some hilarious shit. him and his wife edith are both great. and shitlib son in law meathead. total shitlib sjw leftist commie.

i WISH the show were written by alt right SHITLORDS rather than SJW Joos! honestly the alt right could bring the show back in this way, that’s a great idea. would be even kooler than a blatantly alt right king of the hill.

on the fatherland, muh boy no1 suggests that million dollar extreme/sam hyde is basically Entertainment/Comedy for Goys By Goys, comedy stripped of any horrible jooish influence. i mean i hope it is! we need our own CULTURE, stuff like music, movies, tv, stories. not just implicitly cool stuff like christopher nolan or something, but something that comes right out and says, this is who we are. we are not J’s. this work is 100% free from jooish influence. i would love that. cuz you can’t GET that in mainstream ANYTHING.

this is another benefit of black metal hahaha. it is very free of jooish influence. maybe thats why i like it so much hahahaha. was such a big boortzum fan for so long hahaha. really liking this saor/fuath hahahaha.

well because its impossible to make a tv show or movie without a bunch of Js getting involved. I like more solitary pursuits, more of a Auteur approach hahahaha. one man’s singular, unadulterated, unjood vision. much more practical to accomplish with music or books. and i dont like books hahahaha. well auteur movies are a good attempt too.

and certainly self made youtube vids. or 1488 podcasts hahaha.

havent really watched lots of MDE. dont know anythign about the other guys in MDE other than sam hyde. i guess there is an mde book now. i mean i respect and trust no1 so his recommendation is as good as any.

george feels responded to me and said thank you. so that was nice. have no idea if he is gonna fix the thing that i said he might want to fix hehehehe. well i did my part. i might give him another dnation next xmas hahahahaha.

when i get to the position he’s in….wait a minute i am actually OLDER than him hahahaha. AND he has a better job than me.  so when HE gets to the point I am in now, THEN he should start going to hookers and smokin MJ which is freely available in his damn town. just walk into the store just as easily as buying a bottle of booze. and he Gets To Do That too. I’m not even allowed to drink booze any more hahahahaha.

this is kinda sad. of course i would say take the “dream job.”

He has very low self-esteem and has mentioned several times that he may be depressed. Until recently, he would rant to me over text (hundreds of texts) about his insecurities, that he feels like trash, and that there’s a lot of expectations and societal pressures on him because he’s a man. Multiple times he’s told me he wanted to end his life. When I tried comforting him and dissuading him from it, it backfired and he lashed out against me, saying that there is no way I can empathize with people like him in the slightest. In subsequent meltdowns, I held back on comforting him out of not knowing what to say, and he said I lacked a moral compass and that women like me are biologically wired to hate men like him.

HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA. well i know how this guy feelz, but the fact that she HASNT left him yet, CARES enough to ask reddit. but yeah. ive felt that exact feel. women HATE loser men more than men hate sluts. and they will throw you away like garbage. thing is, she hasn’t thrown HIM away like garbage, and i think if she DID dump him, she would make an effort to do it in a decent way.

yep you will be a virgin for the next 10 years, just be thankful you can even GET a job. also try not to get arrested for drugs or alcohol hahahaha

oh thats fine, nothing wrong with fooking 12 guys by the age of 18 hahahahaha.  sex is a conditional, relative, gray area thing. sometimes its serious, and sometimes its just casual fun!!!!!! yay!!!!!!!!

BE ASHAMED OF YOUR SLUT PAST. tell your bf yes im ashamed of what i did and who i was, and that shame is gonna keep me from doing that shit again. yes it is digusting i agree. instead when you tell him im not ashamed at all, whats wrong with that? uhhh yeah youre saying i have no shame about being a shameful slut hahahahaha.

because who knows when they are gonna get bored with sex with YOU and go easily find it with any of their 6000000000000000 male friends.

they SHOULD be ashamed of their slut past. that is the BEST way to make your new bf OK with your slut past. NOT say, no, i’m not ashamed of that gross degen disgusting shit I did!

you SHOULD be ashamed of disgusting things you did! not continue to unrepentantly insist these things ARENT disgusting! damn!

what ELSE is she not ashamed by but SHOULD be? cheating?

best to be with somebody who shares your sexual MORALITY – that sex is not some Fun Game to be played with any Sexy Boi. of course its hard finding a woman with that sexual morality! and if you do, they will not like you back and will reject you VERY HARSHLY hahahaha.

sheeeeeit you know what, she was EMOTIONALLY CHEATING on her original boifran. she wanted to fix things with him, but she was EMOTIONALLY CHEATING on him anyway. by becoming friends with ME. yeah i didnt realize this at the time, and not until recently, and its safe to say she NEVER realized it! because she was emotionally retarded!!!

 

BEING SENSITIVE IS ALWAYS A NET LOSS

dec 1 2016

had a dream last night about an old friend from my college days that of course we drifted apart, but he was a great guy and i hope he’s doing well. he was both one of the smartest guys i ever met, and also very principled and moral and a good moral person. he was also funny and hilarious and had great social charisma. he was also a very good musician. i had a total mancrush on him and was flattered that he seemed to like me. he had a very great personality and with that personality could probably get any woman he wanted, but physically he was kinda short. he was in great shape though, stayed very active with exercise. i guess he was pretty good at basketball too. well he certainly liked to play it a lot. he was pretty much responsible for introducing me to tom waits. he was fun to drink with and was no square there, but obviously he didnt drink so much that he couldnt be a winner at life. he was going for a phd in cultural marxist frankfurt skool bullshit and i was so impressed by the Brainy Intellectual stuff he read and wrote, that I was so stupid it made no sense to me, all this shit about reifying and rhizomes and deleuze and guattari and lacan and derrida and foucault and badiou and bordieua and baudrillard and adorno and barthes and mcluhan and zizek and all that ((((CRITICAL THEORY)))) stuff.

I had no idea that it was total jooish poison. I’m not sure that he did either!

So, with that perspective, it’s kinda troubling that such a good, solid guy would make his career in something so awful and poisonous. because when you’re young, that shit impresses you because it makes you sound really really really SMART. I actually knew a couple people like this. I had another friend in that same department who was similarly a very nice, charismatic, smart, principled, moral, solid man. they deserve better than this jooish bullshit.

anyway i hope they are both doing well. they are both great guys and I will never forget them. i just dont get the critical theory, cultural marxist, frankfurt school, jooish bullshit.

anyway back to the first guy. he could have had any woman he wanted despite his short stature because his personality was so great. BUT, interestingly, his fashion style was very scrubby, like a damn neet virgin. he could have cleaned up VERY well, but DIDNT. he had long greasy hair and a long wispy “beard”. he probably did not shower enough. this was not from a lack of confidence, but just because he was really that much of a “free spirit artist”, as well as a very smart articulate academic intellectual, as well as having pretty damn good social skills. not an awkward autiste whatsoever, but every bit as high iq as an autist. he just LOOKED like a homeless person hahahahaha. now I think after he finished his phd he started presenting himself better hahahaha. which is good, he was not ugly.

and because he had such a good, strong personality, he could get GFs and had been in several long term monog rels. I don’t think he ever did too much degenerate shit with women. never a “player”, never a womanizer, never open rels, and oh good lord I forgot he was CATHOLIC too!

anyway in the dream he’s like, we gotta watch this movie, it’s great. and I was like great, I like your taste, if you say its good, im sure its good. i mean he did/does have good taste in movies and music and books.

so we started watching this movie that was some 1970s french or italian “art” degeneracy like godard or pasolini. Which I NEVER really liked that kind of artsy fartsy movie, and now I like them even less. because of the jooish degeneracy embodied in them. the opening scene had a bunch of big women with big breasts but also huge erect dicks dancing around like the wild androgynous men/women of borneo. the scene went on for way too long. then the movie went on to tell this artsy, intellectual, elaborate story of how Whites were the Cancer of the Human Race, Whites were evil, whites are all oppressive, horrible natsees, and telling this story in a very artsy, college bourgeois phd sort of way, that you could feel real artsy and intellectually superior.

so my friend asks me what i think and im like oh great, this great guy I admire really likes this antiwhite bullshit, and he’s a brilliant guy, way smarter than me, theres no way i could convince him that whites are great, i mean i cant believe such a smart good awesome guy BELIEVES this bullshit! this could really complicate our Frandship!

And I was like well i dunno, i usually like your taste but I never liked this weird new wave godard pasolini shit, I mean its just too much for me, i mean come on, giant dicks, its just too much for me.

i did not mention the whole antiwhite message. that would be a lot harder to talk about with him.

anyway that was the dream hahahaha.

i never did talk to him about whiteness. but he was a great white man. and he did finish the phd i THINK. im sure he’s still a great guy, i just hope he doesnt spend too much of his career talking about how bad whiteness is.  and white = evil. he got along with nonwhites very well, which i think his family had some nonwhite foster children in their home. now for weev that helped weev become race conscious because the nonwhite children sucked. my friend, i guess his nonwhite foster “siblings” werent so bad. well good for him then hahaha.

i dont want to dox the guy hahaha.

but yeah what would HE say about the alt right, or whiteness? would he be a terrible shitlib saying that anyone who uses the term “cultural marxism” is a crazy, white, racist conspiracy theorist. cultural marxism is not a real thing.

i never read any of his papers. well i think i read a few pages at the time, and it made no sense. i dont remember anything about whiteness. maybe some stuff about signifiers and reification.

so i could easily look up his papers NOW and read them and probably get a sense of what he thinks about whiteness, right?

yeah probably! and im not sure i WANT to !

it was also funny we never really talked about his skoolwork that much, he never talked about it, and he also didnt seem to spend much time on it. he seemed to have PLENTY of free time to hang out, watch movies, go out, be social. i thought phd students were supposed to be chained to their books and work 80+ hours a week!!!!!! but not him!

so was he a bad student? maybe, but its kinda hard to be a “bad student” and get into a All Expenses Paid PhD program at a Very Good Skool. i mean thats how smart he was.

shit i would have liked to hear him teach a class, or do a phd defense especially. i know eventually he started teaching undergrads like most grad students did.

anyway he was/is a great guy, i wish him the best, but i also want him to have white children! he would be a great father of course.  there is a risk that he might marry a nonwhite woman though. although when i knew him, all his GFs were white women.

ok heres whats interesting. some white people go into an Urban Public School full of poor blacks and they become redpilled on race, like yep once i saw the real world, i knew that blacks and whites are very different.

and other whites say i became even MORE committed to education because i saw how precious these poor black children were, they were every bit as smart as anybody else, they just need better resources, opportunities, education, etc, so ive spent my life really trying to help these kids who really really NEED that help.

so which is the truth about race hahahaha.

i have no doubt there are many smart ghetto black kids out there that would benefit from a good education. plenty of little dr ben carsons out there.  but honestly i have no desire, and im honestly not TOUGH ENOUGH, to want to work in a black school to help those kids. i would rather teach white kids. really i dont want to teach kids at all hahahahaha. beyond being a homeschool teacher of my own children, and even there i dont trust my abilities!

but yeah when i was hanging out with somebody i thought was really really cool like that, i sometimes felt insecure and inferior, like im nowhere NEAR that cool, why are they hanging out with ME? once they find out how uncool i am, theyll get bored with me and dump me.

i guess i felt a similar way about women that i liked! that i was “privileged” enough to hang out with a few times!

classic inferiority complex. im not cool enough to be friends with this person. im not cool enough to date this grill.

and the women eventually “proved” it by dumping me, although the men i had mancrushes on, well they were pretty much “faithful” to me though! like i say, they were good solid moral men through and through, and never did me wrong! we just drifted apart due to time and distance.

hehehehe kinda wish i had met him when i was in high school hahaha. not to crap on my high school friends tho hahaha. but i might have had a chance at getting his Sloppy Seconds hahahaha. that was how much of an omega i was, i couldnt even get Sloppy Seconds because my friends couldnt get sloppy seconds either hahahaha.

well i prob could have gotten sloppy seconds from one of my friends who was ok with the ladies, qt ones too……but i was so proud i didnt WANT sloppy seconds from muh friends! or i just thought it was weird and gross. it IS pretty weird and gross!!!!!!!!! plus I wanted a GF, not casual hookup secs. i didnt like SLUTS back then either! i wanted a NICE GURL! i.e., not a slut.

so yeah, i pretty much ALWAYS disliked sluts. very consistent there.

ok thats enough memory lane bullshit. i just wish i were doing more in the present that would make good memories later. but all i got is the failure of the last 3 years, the painful memory of That Woman, etc. nothing really GOOD that i will happily remember. well maybe the good times i had with that woman. but i dont WANT to remember those! i want to have BETTER memories with a BETTER woman!

see i use overthinking as a way to cope with stress and worry. IF I THINK ABOUT THIS ENOUGH, I WILL FIGURE OUT AN ANSWER AND FIX THE PROBLEM. but it never works like that. i never find the answer. i never fix the shit. i just think and think and think and worry and ruminate and overanalyze and write and write and write and write. i order for things to improve, i need to get out and actually DO shit.

the best punishment for sluts is for their fathers to shake their heads and say i am very very very disappointed in you, and you will have to work to regain my approval.

but this assumes sluts HAVE fathers who can BE disappointed in them.

so without that….i think i determined shaving the sluts head bald would be a good punishment.

how about tattoo on their forearm saying “SLUT”? pretty good, but that would be guaranteeing they would never STOP being a slut.

how about a tattoo somewhere nonvisible then?

like i said…..I NEVER liked sluts.

I WILL give a slut a chance, if she’s really willing to repent and reform. of course how do you trust that? i guess look at her repentance. the first slut i was with was a very secs-positive bourgeois jooess, so of course she wasnt ashamed of being a cvm dumpster, she thought it was liberating and empowering.

hehehe there are two kinds of people in the world, racists and nonracists, and never the twain shall meet. i think if all the racists segregated away from the nonracists the world would be a better place. and then of course in the racist side, each race would then segregate.

whites are racist! racism is the worst evil! whites are evil!

once you realize this is what they are really saying, you cant unhear it hahahaha.

there is literally NO BENEFIT to being sensitive. it is WEAK. FRAGILE. NON TOUGH. being TOUGH is ALWAYS good. weak people break down and cant get shit done. and they are miserable because everybody rejects them because they are weak and sensitive. hahaha.

oh but they see the world in a unique way and create great art!

  1. at least half of them DONT, i never created great art
  2. well thats not entirely true, I wrote 2 and a half pretty good songs. long epic songs too haha. and a bunch of decent bukowski ripoff poems. and at least 3 book length blogs. 1 sweet doom level.
  3. art is not that important. its a nice luxury but its not very useful at all. it is not a vital role in society. its nice to have, and its really fun to listen to music from ages 11 to 25 or so, but after that, theres more important things to do, like run society, have children, and music and art does not help with that at all. yeah it adds to a sense of culture but you know what else does? children. government and society and civilization. people inventing shit and building civilizations and employing people and doing work. this takes TOUGH, STRONG people, not SENSITIVE, WEAK people.

plus there is plenty of good art made by Tough, Strong people!

oh but sensitive people Love more deeply.

but this is WORTHLESS unless they find another sensitive person who can APPRECIATE that AND luv them the same way back! Sensitive Luv is just Wasted on Tough, Nonsensitive Normies! they will DUMP you for being too WEAK and NEEDY!!!

and how many sensitives are there? it CANT be more than 25%.

so yeah, ITS NOT WORF IT to be sensitive and weak hahahaha. i wanna trade it in to be tough. so i can LUV people more intensely! that is TOTALLY not worth it! I don’t WANT to luv people so intensely! theres something WRONG with me!

all this sensitivity has made it excruciatingly difficult to live a normie adult life with 26k job and 6.51/10 waifu!

i should see if muh new 13k a year job can send me on a business trip to colorado. or NV, CA, OR, WA, or MA hahahahahahahahahahahaha. every week.

i mean shit theres an idea. why not do job searching in colorado?

because I dont really want to MOVE to colorado, i want to stay near muh family! they are the only family i have! i wouldnt mind visiting colorado for a week or 2 and being ridiculous blazed that whole time, but i dont really want to MOVE ANYWHERE!

and some people are not like this. they dont mind moving anywhere in the world. shit i kinda wish i were more like that. because that is a TOUGHER person. who will leave their family behind to go where the jobs are.

you know you like somebody when you make a MIX tape/cd/stream for them. did anyone ever do that for ME?

well sort of. there were some manly no homo mixes in there where i exchanged Metal Mixes with another Metal Fan who worked at the Music Shop where I took some Guitar Lessons hahahaha. good guy but he was more into death metal, like Early Technical Death Metal with especial liking to Technical Death Metal Bass. I wonder if he was happy about all the new technical death metal that has come out. i cant even. like maybe necrophagist and stuff like that hahaha. i dont know. not my cup of tea.  we both liked bands like nile and cynic and early cryptopsy. naturally he really liked death. i liked their “sound of perseverance” album but never got much further. (although now i am kinda interested in their old stuff, hehehehe.)

well ultimately ive always been more of a black metal guy than a death metal guy, and he could not help me there.

oh shit i wonder what he would say about deathspell omega. that is probably the most technical band i like. and they really are TOO damn technical hahahahaha.  cool it with the nonsense riffs guy. i thought you were black metal hehehehe. technical black metal. i am probably more open to that that technical death metal.

could demilich be called technical death metal? i know they have very cult following.

again, i like stuff thats more Atmospheric and Emotional and Sensitive.

but its funny. i stopped paying attention to metal for like 5 years and those were THE most important years TO pay attention because SO much shit happened. when i came back to metal, it was like a whole new world. 10 generations of evolution had happened and suddenly i was an old man who didnt understand the youth. all within 5 years.

i was out of it from like 2002 or 3 until 2008 or 9?

uhhhhhh yeah between 2002 and 2009 a LOT of shit DID happen in metal hahahaha.

it would have been nice to have been paying attention when the deathspell album “Si Monumentum” came out in like….2004?

well i DO remember when paracletus came out in 2010.

i DO remember when varg got out of prison and came back with “belus” in like 2010.

i remember when the alcest album “ecailles de lune” came out and invented “blackgaze” hahahaha.

so yeah i didnt miss it all.

anyway metal. i dont even like talking about metal with metal fans, because they like different metal bands than me and will try to push some metal bands on me, when im not looking for new metal super actively. there needs to be a come to jesus moment and then ONE BAND will reveal itself to me at the right time, like saor right now.

i am very ok with that, im just grateful to be able to enjoy fresh music at all anymore!

did i mess up muh brain with too much alcohol and MJ when i was young?

YES, PROBABLY!!!!!

i used to be smart in high school! i was great at high school! i peaked in high school, hahahaha.

then 15 years later, you have to tell people, i was smart in high school! I SWEAR!!!!!! I WAS SMART ONCE!!!!! and then these young smartasses roll their eyes. yeah right, old dumb man. then why are you working here at your age. obviously didnt make good decisions with your life.

yikes i get to writing and then it INEVITABLY BECOMES super negative and despairing and horribly derpressing!!!! SO STOP WRITING!!!!!!

just as surely inevitable as the sp1c n1g cycle will guarantee that sp1cs and n1gs will inevitably stuff themselves with fried meat until they become crippled by morbid obesity and require heroic medical care until they gracelessly expire, hahahahahahahaha.

so yeah. theres no benefit to being sensitive, weak, and fragile. these are BAD THINGS!

the TOUGHER you are, the easier time you will have in life, the better you will do in life, the less suffering you will suffer through. the more self respect you will have from being able to achieve a minimum of normieness.

psilocybin decreasing depression and anxiety? ok i’ll buy that hahaha. i would have to take a TINY dose though. i took psilocybin exactly twice in muh life. when i was 20 years old. ykes. the first time was ok. the second time was HORRIBLE and i felt horribly alone and alienated and heartbroken and despairing.  realy more sorrow and emptiness than anxiety. which i guess is actually BETTER than anxiety. that feeling of panic is just horrible. but thats the last time i will ever do mushrooms around a woman i am in luv with who doesnt like me hahaha and would rather be Romantic with other guys in front of me hahahaha.

maybe that is why i am so sensitive to rejection. cuz i did mushrooms WHILE a woman was essentially rejecting me, so it imprinted somehow. really the only way to “fix” that is to do mushrooms while i am with a woman and she is Totally Accepting me. being with me, having tender monog relship secs, cuddling, etc.

i would also do it alone.

i would also be open to doing super duper tiny doses like they did in this medical experiment. though when you “TRIP” they always say dont take too LITTLE, you gotta take enough to actually feel something maannnn.

so i say just take a teensy weensy bit. like taking one puff of MJ. you ever take one puff of MJ and feel it? then you might be a sensitive snowflake like me hahahaha.

so yeah i would be open to that. take such a tiny dose that you could get up in the morning and go to WORK the next day like you can with MJ hahahaha.

HA! this “straight dope” message board looks pretty good

http://boards.straightdope.com/sdmb/showthread.php?t=812509

can you be mistaken about your own romantic luv for a person

http://boards.straightdope.com/sdmb/showthread.php?t=812505

tell me your job search techniques

http://boards.straightdope.com/sdmb/showthread.php?t=812025

how many females are open to the idea of a scat fetish in a relship hahahahahaha

great quote from that one:::  ”

11-27-2016, 01:42 PM
astro astro is offline
Guest
Join Date: Jul 1999

OK maybe there is a beautiful, kind, loving woman out there who will shit on a plate so you can eat her feces and relish the intimacy this creates for you. You gaze into her gorgeous, endless eyes as you take your fork and carefully nip off some of the warm, fragrant brown turd she has produced for you. You inspect it lovingly and notice how it was formed in convergent layers by her bowel and the little bits and pieces of undigested food woven throughout. No pinworms or other creatures are waving back at you, so reverently you lift the morsel to your nose inhaling deeply and flaring your nostrils to get the full impact. The pungent aroma is overpowering so close and up you are in heaven.

You pass the aromatic brown chunk between your lips and explore it with your tongue rolling it around it your mouth. Firm yet soft you feel it dissolving in your mouth before you gulp it down. You want more and dig in! Seeing you smacking and chewing so lustily with a filmy smear of poo, her poo, coating your lips she gazes beatifically at you and the connection is so real you feel transcendent.

Hope you find your gal.       ”

HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA

hehehehehe nice

well you need to take a few years and get some therapy and fix yourself before you can ever be cured of your virginity, and also you have such deep issues, you will never get a gf, just maybe some casual sexs with crazy sluts, after you do like 5 years of therapy.

 

dump him because his lack of success in his career indicates immaturity and abusiveness and issues and insecurity and that he’s in a bad place and is incapable of being in a relship because he’s not happy with his career and never will be until he gets his masterz degree and gets a sweet office job that he finds SO FUN AND FULFILLING just like you

from this thread:    ”         [–]Cheeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeez 2 points 48 minutes ago
Here’s what people usually want when they say they want closure: they want to have the last word in all the major arguments they had with their ex, and they want their ex to listen and say “you’re right, I was wrong,” and mean it. But this is a fantasy. As I’m sure you realize, the conversation wouldn’t go anything like that in real life.       ”

hehehehe nice way of putting that. closure is bullshit. a myth. there is never any closure. you always want the other person back, until you havent seen them in 4 years and then you dont really want them any more. then you see then and you want them again and need a few months just to get over seeing them once hahahahaha.

took a tiny benedryl tablet instead of taking nyquil tonight. felt like one or the other.

i never liked the the write shit but dont send it approach.  i say send that shit. hold them accountable!! they dont get to do EVERYTHING on THEIR terms! They SHOULD see that their actions have consequences on other people!!

damn man that sucks. wanting her back after years because you know the shit is fixable. yeah but maybe she wouldnt want to fix it and would just dump you when you tried to fix it. being WILLING to fix it is just as important as being ABLE to fix it.

oh well just dump the toxic mentally ill abuser and find a better man, people are so upgradable like that.

NOT EVERY WOMAN WILL TREAT YOU LIKE YOU ARE REPLACEABLE, UPGRADABLE, OR DISPOSABLE!!!!!

even if they might like casual sex with a revolving door of replaceable, disposable dicks hahahaha.

dec 2

http://goaskalice.columbia.edu/answered-questions/i-dont-want-relationship-okay-0

if you dont want a relship mmkay, then you shouldnt have SECS. SECS shoudl ONLY occur WITHIN a relship. a mongo (hehehe) longterm relship. if you dont want a relship then you should also enter a period of Voluntary Celibacy until you ARE ready and willing to be in a relship. and THEN you can have your damn FUN SECS again hahaha.

fookin sociopath. so focused on their damn career that they dont see the benefit of a serious rel.

ok i am looking fwd to getting haircut today, very soon, and just wanted to record this damn stupid dream i had last night

YES it had THAT WOMAN and in a big way. I recall i was hanging out with her and laying my head on her beautiful soft white stomach and just rambling on about bullshit like music or something, even though i was very very worried about the state of our relship, but was scared to talk about it, so i just talked about anything else. however i felt there was still hope because she was willing to hang out wiht me and let me lay my head on her bare stomach. which is kind of intimate IMHO. never did that in real life hahahaha. couldnt even hang out with her anymore hahaha.

then i left and continued being worried. then i guess she dumped me. i went back to talk to her and she started literally running away. and i began chasing her and she conitnued running. i was running too. i was screaming after her pathetic begging things: please just talk to me! please respond! please lets just talk about this! PLEASE DONT TREAT ME LIKE THIS! i recall saying that exactly.

then i was heartbroken. then i was talking with another female friend i had during college. i was never attracted to or in luv with her. we just got along ok and had mutual respect. she was very smart and very funny. on the downside she was very shitlib (so was everybody) and had issues with Secsual Morality. At heart she was a good person who was mashed into this jooish neurotic somewhat mess because of Kollige and the Middle Class Career World, which her family was firmly in, and unfortunately pressuring her with high expectations.  also she was supremely judgmental and liked to gossip about drama. I am the SAME WAY, but these women were actually a little bit WORSE. they were still good people though. they just needed to cool it with the drama! also she was nonwhite, therefore Im not such a hateful racist that i want to throw all nonwhites in the oven hahahaha.

so in the dream i told her how devastated i was and she wasnt really being THAT comforting, saying, well, if she’s running away from you, she obviously doesnt want to talk to you! so stop trying to talk to her.

but i really really really WANT to talk to her!

well she OBVIOUSLY doesnt WANT to talk!

but thats SO UNFAIR! she doesnt get to throw me away like a piece of garbage without being held accountable for the consequences! you want to get out of this, you have to go through the discomfort of a damn uncomfortable conversation at least!

so i convinced the female friend to go and meet with That Woman and kind of act as my attorney/advocate because That Woman was not allowing me to meet and talk with her.

i was riding in a taxi with the woman friend. i was nervous as shit because this was my last chance to say what i wanted to say, and i had to say it through this other person. i was trying to use Wise Mind and articulate myself as clearly as possible as to what i wanted to say. I remember very clearly saying “I fully accept her decision. I’m not asking her to be with me. sure, in an ideal world i’d like her to be with me, but I fully accept that she’s decided to end the relationship. what i’m asking for is just….i dunno. more recognition of my broken heart. more recognition that our relationship was meaningful and valuable to her. we knew each other for 3 years and i THOUGHT i meant something to her, was valuable to her, made a difference in her life, and we shared what i thought was a great connection and some great memories. i never wanted to hurt her. and i never wanted her to HATE me. it seems like she hates me. what did she think i did? I want to know what she’s thinking and feeling about this, and to tell her what Im thinking and feeling about it. that’s why I just want to meet with her and talk to her, and its so frustrating she’s not willing to do that.”

basically not a big chance from real life here.

i also wanted to show my other female friend (WHOOPS, not supposed to refer to women as “females”, that is a TELLTALE SIGN that you are a huge redpill neet incel entitled niceguy omega virgin nevergf woman hater!!!!! who sees women as some weird alien species and not human beings!!!!) that i was in the right, that i wasnt some kind of creepy stalker controlling abuser manipulator who wanted something unreasonable.

the friend went in and i sat in the taxi very nervously.

after like an hour the friend came out and said that That Woman said she didn’t feel I really CARED ABOUT her as a real person, that I was just trying to MANIPULATE HER INTO SECS. (basically accusing me of being a Niceguytm.) that i had no regard for her feelings and wasnt willing to listen to her.

then i got angry and was like WRONG. thats TOTALLY WRONG. I care about her SO MUCH! I am DEVASTATED! i will be devastated for the next year! it wasnt all about secs! it was about LOVE and having a loving rel! i wanted a HELL OF A LOT MORE than just secs! this is about luv! hearts! relships! sharing lives together! and i care very much for her! i want the best for her! i want to be with her and help her build a happy life! and to share a happy life together! shes got this all WRONG! can i just go in there and talk to her myself! no? goddamn why cant she just let me talk to her???!!?!?! can you go back in there please and tell her what i just told you??

(it was kinda like my job where callers could not speak directly to the level 2’s who knew how to explain bad news, and had to go through ME, who didn’t really understand the shit!)

the friend advocate sighed, like yeah thats not gonna work, but i’ll go back in there one more time for you.

then she did. then she taxi drove away with me in it. we picked up some black thugs and dropped them off at a casino. i was like shit we gotta get back to where we were. i didnt know how to get there from where we now were. i asked the driver if he could go back to the house where we were before. he said sure. he was clearly very foreign and i thought he might be bullshitting, because it didnt look like we were getting any closer. i asked him where he was from and i think he said georgia. like the country of.

so that was about it. it was a very vivid, long, movielike dream. i think the benedryl put me into a deeper sleep and therefore a deeper dream. it was not great. pretty much illustrated what was going on in real life, except now i had an advocate who was willing to talk to her on my behalf, and she was able to confirm that That Woman had a very Wrong opinion on What I Had Done. in real life, i have no idea what she was thinking.

but really, her having the Wrong Idea did not make me any happier, in fact i was just more frustrated, and just wanted to send the advocate back in there to show that I was Right, and She Was Wrong!

see that reddit quote about closure about hahahaha.

so yeah. also the dream was sad because at the beginning i actually DID see her and had an intimate moment with her like i never had in real life. but the moment wasnt intimate for her AT ALL!

hhehehe. if it takes you longer than a year to get over…….then hell yeah it was true love!!!! fook yes you CARED ABOUT them!

so i hate the accusation that you just want SECS when really, you are in LUV with them and CARE about them and want the best for their LIFE!

but no its all about secs secs secs with these women. and not even sacred, holy, loving, babymaking, relationship secs, but they reduce everything down to negro casual sex. its the only thing they understand hahahaha. absolutely disgusting.

ACTIONS HAVE CONSEQUENCES. I guess i just wanted her to experience some consequences and not be able to avoid them so completely. i sure experienced some damn consequences.

that doesnt mean that i want to inflict pain or punishment on her! more like, i just want her to feel some REMORSE and to reflect on this and learn how to not do this again in the future!

and probably she will learn from it, and treat other guys better, and i will never know, and never experience the Better Kinder More Mature Her!

she was already very kind, i experienced a lot of her general kindness, so i know she was capable of it. it was just a matter of Choking in a High Pressure moment. like i never did that before! like on the job or something.

yeah but with a Relship, I would have at least written an email hahahaha. that doesnt require a lot of effort or courage.

well it DOES involve courage when you actually SEND it. maybe she DID write an email but wasnt courageous enough to click send!

so yeah i did not enjoy that dream hahahaha.

looking at days since spreadsheet because i put haircuts on there….

507 days since i last talked to her… (16.9 months)

473 days since i last emailed/contacted her   (15.77 months)

81 days since last haircut, yeah its time hahaha

389 days since intentionally looking at/using jooish filth pornography

later

got haircut at mens haircut place, good prices

rambled on to older white slavic woman about what i wanted. hard to articulate. finally got to the following clear actionable instructions:

“2 ON TOP, 1 ON THE SIDES”

and hopefully she understood that. i should write that on a flashcard which i bring next time in roughly 10 weeks hahahaha.

i usually get 1 or 2 all around. never this fading or two diff lengths. breaking out of comfort zone. it looks all right. somewhat militaristic and fashy. not bad.

2 ON THE TOP, 1 ON THE SIDES.

just tell them that. short. direct. unfookupable hahaha. these are the kind of instructions i like to receive for muh job. not some vague bullshit that can be interpreted 10 different ways, then you have to go back and ask 10 clarifying questions, and they sigh and eye roll and think youre an idiot even though they gave you these stupid vague instructions that they probably didnt even read or realize how vague they were.

so i should assertively say: i dont like vague instructions. i like clear, concise, unambigious instructions. 2 on the top, 1 on the sides. im not going to waste your time with stupid questions, so dont waste my time with stupid instructions that require stupid questions for clarification.

fooking fookbitch.

so yeah that dream sucked. its faggy as fook to lay your head on a gurls stomach but i like the idea of it.

i dont get it. secs is so cheap for them, they think you want cheap sex, when you want expensive luv, and then they get mad at you (well, NOT you, but niceguys, which we are NOT) when you want something that they consider cheap, which you dont even really want. cuz Cheap Sex is all they understand. when all you have is a hammer, everything looks like a nail hahahahaha.

yeah being a niceguy is bad and shameful but i STILL think women overreact to it. but im still not saying i was a niceguy hahahaha. cuz its bad and i really dont want to be that. but they overreact. they think you are a HORRIBLE person, when you are really just a WEAK, COWARDLY person.

kind of like her. I dont think she is a HORRIBLE person, i think she is generally a good, maybe even GREAT person, she just had a moment of cowardice.

how come women cant give us the same BENEFIT OF THE DOUBT?

yeah well not all women, not all women, not all women hahaha. not even most women would not give you the benefit of the doubt.

but yeah i sure would have liked to cuddle with her and touch her white stomach hahahahaha. so it sucks to DREAM about that 16 months later.

like the guy in that reddit. he went on dates with 30+ women and still couldnt stop comparing them to the woman who dumped him, who he couldnt get over, years later. the only thing thats gonna fix this for him is to find a woman who is BETTER. who can make him feel luv again.

that story resonated with me because hes in his 30s and wants to have children and a wife, and he wanted that woman to be his wife, and have children with her, and he can’t see having children with anyone else yet. yep when you get older and want a wife and children, the stakes are even higher than when you are 20 and just fooking like a horny n199er. and not all of us wanted to be degenerates like that!

basically i view women as degen n199ers who cant keep it in their pants, and me as a principled man who is more moral and principled and white and better and seeks a higher morality and understands deeper truths. which isnt entirely wrong, as i believe my principled view of sex is the Better one. and i want a woman who shares that Core Value. hard to find a woman who doesnt treat secs like a horny n1993r tho!

ff12 has good music too, another great game, i never thought this game was underrated hahahaha.

so basically i view women as these alien monsters, who i have a yearning desire and obsession over, who throw cheap sex at everyone but me, who finds sex very very expensive, so i have a combination of deep resentment and deep desire for women. well, young (25 year old, marriage age, fertile) women! I want them so badly, I can’t have them, and they don’t want me.

these are the Big Kahuna of Cognitive Distortions that i need to address.

that and they undervalue something I value so highly, so i imagine them as sinful devils blaspheming my holy morality. like they are literally The Devil. The Enemy of Man. the Adversary. the living embodiment of Sin and Distancing yourself from Truth, Beauty, and Goodness. Women Are EVIL.

when really they are just Complicated PEOPLE, just like you and me hahahahahahaha.

so reddit says read books and watch tv and movies made by women, so you can view women as real people. go read margaret atwood or watch orange is the new black.

yeah but these are all feminists who have to slip in some man hating marxism. so whenever i read a woman doing that…..i dont understand or like women any better, i just dislike them more hahahaha. like you dirty fooking communist traitors.

so the best would be to read like books by a woman i like, like ann coulter hahahahaha.

maybe i should read the new megyn kelly book which she is promoting like crazy and which people are apparently buying like crazy too hahahha.

some feminist on reddit said “men worry that women will laugh at and reject them. women worry that men will raep and K them.”

yeah ok there is a kernel of truth there. but that doesnt mean women should be degenerate slutty n1993rs.

i like this trvmp “thank you” victory tour. he has been very busy since the election and hasnt had a rally in WEEKS, when he used to have a rally every day and give huge rousing speeches every day. it was weird to see him out of the spotlight. basically what he’s been doing is “hiding out” in trvmp tower talking to people and making big decisions of who he wants on his team. whcih is great, but i want him to come out in front of the cameras and 100000000 cheering people and call the media a bunch of disgusting animals and build the wall and drain the swamp and MAGA and make good deals. hopefully he does Rallies when he is prez.

so yeah if you worry men will r and kill you, dont put yourself in situations where you are basically putting yourself out there on a platter for those men, basically saying R me and K me!!!!!!!!!!

doesnt mean any woman DESERVES to be R’d and K’d, it’s just DONT BE STUPID. dont be the kid who jumps into harambe’s paddock. dont put your head in a lions mouth. dont point a loaded gun at your face. dont tease men when you don’t know that man, you dont know that he’s not a dangerous man.

you come SO CLOSE to really knowing a woman as A Human Being, and then she does a total 180 and throws you out of her life in a way that you cant even image doing to another human being.

not all women Would Do That, not even most women Would Do That.

if you’re not sure the best way to dump someone, just pay a Social Worker $50 to do it for you. don’t go out to lunch or dinner for a while. use secs to coerce your FWB’s into paying for your Birth Control, or to just give you the $50 for the shrink. suck off your Boss for $50. cuddle with some omega orbiter for a $50 fee. you know how EASY it is for you to get $50????!!?!?!?!?!

just hold off buying stupid clothes and shoes and purses for a week. small price to pay for saving somebody Thousands of Hours of Suffering.

you and i should probably listen to this song 3 times every day. quite possibly the single most POWERFUL song ever written.

music by dougie maclean who is not the composer of the film score, who is trevor jones, who took the dougie maclean song and integrated it into the score.

heh i think uncle bern should get a wife but i have bought his book as a way of supporting him. i wish i could have bought it from him directly. he is a good, principled man who i have admired for years. apparently he tells some personal anecdotes about his relships with women in this one, so thats worth the price of admission for me.

it was either that or donate to his paypal or patreon. which i still might do.

https://disenchantedscholar.wordpress [dot] com/2016/03/01/the-real-millennial-woes-student-debt-homeless-priced-out-of-parenthood-and-no-pension/

(doesnt have anything to do with the guy MW, a good article and blog nonetheless)

heh. so i took the plunge and joined patreon so i can pledge 1.67$ to millennial woes per month ($20 per year hehe)

and $1 to uncle bern per month. in the past i would have given him moar. i will give him more if he becomes a huhwhyte nationalist or has children hahahahaha. but he does deserve to quit his damn soul crushing school job and become a Content Creator Fulltime.

2 years ago i emailed him and asked him if i could donate to him. he said no thank you i really dont want to do that. i said hey im happy to donate but you do what you want. well hes changed his mind in the past 2 years and i can’t blame him. he produces great stuff and deserves to quit his damn stupid job. and we SHOULD pay him for sacrificing his personal time to make great videos and podcasts. its not a donation, its paying for a valuable service hehehehe. he’s given me hours of education and enjoyment so why SHOULDNT i give him some money. he apparently has begun to understand that concept.  maybe when he quits his job he will reveal that he knows all about the JQ.

i also see it as whites helping whites hahahahah. i wouldnt donate to a nonwhite.

anyway that disgruntled scholar or whatever i linked above points out a very important point that was interestingly enough quoted from a jooish guardian article: that 27 year old millennials in 2016 are bitter and butthurt because they think about their boomer parents when THEY were 27 and how they already had a HOME and CHILDREN. it is very sad to get old enough that you WANT children, and then realize you CANT AFFORD THEM. and that you cant afford to own a home that isnt in a violent nonwhite crime ghetto. and you might not even be able to afford that. buy a home in midtown oakland or gary hahahaha or newark. the ghettoest ghetto of new orleans.

why would you ever want children? then you cant enjoy life experiences and tinder hookups and travel. why would you want to own a home when you cant rent an apt with 10 roomates when youre 30? and those black ghettos are only violent because of a cycle of poverty adn institutional racism created by WHITE PEOPLE. you SHOULD live there so you can reap what you sow. SEE THE CONSEQUENCES OF YOUR ACTIONS, hahahahahaha.

i thought i was all about that hahaha.

cereal

hehehehe one of the best gifs i have seen in months. if you are in a bad mood watching this could probably still be guaranteed to make you laugh.

cereal-bowl-mouth

hahahahahahahahahahahahaha

cereal-bowl-mouth  cereal-bowl-mouth cereal-bowl-mouth

so classic. i bet that man has had 1,488,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000 times more secs and cuddling and making out that i have hahahahahahaha.

ok i should have a smaller version of the moving gif too

cereal cereal cereal

bretty kewl amirite hahahahahahaha

cerealcerealcerealcerealcereal

now is there something actually pornographic about this, or do i think that just because my brain has been thoroughly pornified by jooz?

i wish i could see this, and really the whole world, and WOMEN, through the eyes of an innocent who had never seen the thousands of hours of PORN I have watched. it really warps your damn mind.

i mean i havent watched it seriously in a YEAR and i still feel the effects.

and how many guys have not watched porn in a YEAR. like less than 1% hahahahahaha.

well thats pessimistic. maybe 10% hahaha. NOT ALL MEN WATCH PORN!!!!!!!!

i think he must have some kind of plastic ring in his mouth to be able to hold it open in that weird shape.

oh those stupid WHITE frat boys. these white males are the stupidest jackasses on the planet.

wearing warm Kodiak Heat Socks from walmart, they are warmer than regular socks. but its not super cold out there. it Feels Like 28 degrees, ok thats kinda cold, but not man cold.

well people in fookin williston north dakota probably get their cold weather socks at walmart too hahahaha so i am as getting as good as they are. WALMART.

if you cant get it at walmart, it isnt worth buying hahahahaha.

 

THIS IS THE LIFE IVE CHOSEN

HOW is this the life I’ve chosen hahahahahaha.

oct 25

sheeeeeeeeeeeit.  interview this afternoon with banking company, easy back office super entry level high school job hahahaha.  but i cant get a sweet 35k Recent Graduates or Pathways job with FEDGOV, so as an Old Graduate, Im forced to settle for a 25k nongraduate job hahahahaha. THIS IS THE LIFE IVE CHOSEN. THIS IS THE HAND IVE BEEN DEALT. I CHOSE THIS hahahaha.

well thats contradictory: you dont CHOOSE the hand you get DEALT by the dealer. its all chance. fate.

yeah but i made a bunch of poor decisions and mistakes that led me to where i am today, so, indeed, THIS IS THE LIFE IVE CHOSEN.

I was in a C++ coding class with this guy who always used to say that. he was prob severely depressed, maybe 45 years old, working FT i think with mainframes, and i had no idea why he was in the class. he sounded like he had been working with code for years. i guess he didnt know c++, and he also wanted to chip away at his degree so he could get a better job. at age 50. even though he was already working like 60 hours a week in a tech job. he would chain smoke during the break in the 3 hour class and say THIS IS THE LIFE IVE CHOSEN and sigh despairing and demoralizingly.  hahahahahahaha. great guy.

maybe he was a virgin or a woman hater too! hahaha. or a Creepy, Abusive, Controlling, Clingy, Needy, Immature, Toxic, Narcissistic Bad Man.

the obvious response is: HOW IS THIS THE LIFE IVE CHOSEN??!?!?!?! I DIDNT CHOOSE THIS!!!! DID I?!?!?!?! I DONT REMEMBER CHOOSING THIS!!!! NOBODY ASKED ME! NOBODY TOLD ME!!! I DIDNT KNOW!!!!!

IGNORANCE OF THE LAW IS NO EXCUSE. THIS IS THE LIFE YOUVE CHOSEN.

you chose it without KNOWING you were choosing it, or what you were choosing. but you chose it nonetheless.

god damn. how the hell did i not apply for one of those recent grad pathways jobs with FEDGOV when i was a recent grad? because i was immature AF as well as a jooish marxist who believed fedgov was an evil behemoth oppressive nonwhites at home and abroad. how could i become a part of the bloated military industrial complex used to oppress and kill innocent nonwhite wimmin and children in iraq and syria and afghanistan.

like they were just GIVING AWAY 35k entry level jobs to 22 year old shitheads like me. i mean its prob competitive as shit. but i DID have Superior GPA from a Name School, so i think i did technically have a chance. now I got no chance because im not even ELIGIBLE. Im too old. i missed the boat. the fast track. now i am on the nowhere track.

they have more Recent Grad Pathways jobs than they do Basic Bitch GS 05 jobs!!!!!!!!!!!!

i coulda been a contender, i coulda started at gs07, but now id be happy AF to take 05! pleeeeease respond! please interview me! most of all please hire me!

this is how i kill 34 minutes before going to muh interview hehehe. i mean i got the big interview done yesterday. i already researched this company today, i researched them 2-3 weeks ago when i did the other interviews.

i could TECHNICALLY start a masterz degree program (BS online MBA) and then get into one of these pathways jobs hehehehehe.

i mean making alot of assumptions here. what if the pathways job is harder to get into than HARVARD or MIT. i just dont know.

“sort of ex/bf” wtf does that mean???? YOU DONT KNOW IF HES YOUR EX OR NOT???!!?!?!?!?!?!?!??!?!??!??!!

heh. at least i got that going for me. there is NO DOUBT that That Woman did not want to be with me. So now all I need to do is Forget About Her, and uhh learn the lessons and not make the same mistakes again. not be a COWARD again. be a MAN.

FIFTY DOLLARS to see MORRISSEY??? For 20 sure. for 30 maybe, a big maybe. i mean im not even a huge morrissey fan, i just respect what he’s done and i like the ridiculous lovesick grumpy image. i only know like 3 or 4 smiths songs and like 1 or 2 morrissey songs. 50$? rather spend it on MJ hahahahaha.

 

why dont you go to grad skool, you old white man. you get in what you put out. maybe if you CAREER FOCUSED like WOMEN you wouldnt be in this mess.

way to have a NEGATIVE, ENTITLED attitude that employers can SMELL a MILE away. go to THERAPY and fix your negative entitled attitude.

i was thinking about posting just to give him sympathy but then the post got locked. prob cuz it got very heated in there with people piling on this poor guy. IMHO, he is ENTITLED to have a negative attitude!

did i even talk about the interview? it was ok enough, i was nervous and rambling. i appreciated that they werent trying to RUSH me out of there in 45 minutes. it ended up being damn 90 minutes. i get the impression they give people all the time they need to Hire and Interview. i was a little exhausted at the end of it. the person was nice enough.

unfort there is also a damn second interview. i didnt expect a second interview for this damn 13 dollar an hour job. well i mean i didnt expect it to be a part of the process. but i would like this job so i DO want to get invited to the second interview.  but its also discouraging. i dont think ive ever made it to a second interview. i mean i am honestly sick of interviewing. 27 interviews and no job hahahahaha. well, i am a little TOO picky about jobs because i know I would prob K myself at a restaurant or fast food or grocery job. so i am trying to get a damn office job.

well just get a “transitional” job. well thats the thing. well sure you have to bullshit like its not transitional and you want to work at this shady restaurant the rest of your life.

well i can handle a lot more than i THINK i can handle, when I am not having Huge Personal Drama with a Woman at the job.

so if any one of these 27 places said yes, i could have probably handled it. for a year or so. then ragequit. then spent the next 15 months trying to find new job haha.

well the manager i talked to knew one of muh references, sort of. i will take that as a good sign. a SIGN from GAWWWWWDDDDDDDD. much like seeing that woman from my old job, working at the place i interviewed yesterday. not sure what is the better sign.

or it just means nothing hehehehe.

now i feel strangely tired. even though i got plenty of sleep. i always get plenty of sleep. too much sleep! i worry how i would be able to handle working 50 hours a week! i would literally have to do nothing but work and sleep. no exercise, no chores, no family, no 1488 podcasts, no powerwalks, no writing hahaha.

but heres the thing, i cant go RIGHT TO SLEEP after work because im too worried and my mind spinning and reeling about work stuff. the best thing i can do is take a ton of MJ, relax a bit, and THEN go study for 90 minutes or so, to give me a sense of confidence on the Work Material and that I am Ready for the crazy day tomorrow. so thats at least 2 hours of post-work home stuff there.

for a person that likes to spend 12 hours a day in bed, that is hard to swing hahahaha.

is it normal to spend 12 hours a day in bed? what is it a symptom of? despair? laziness?

i dont spend the WHOLE TIME sleeping. but uhh I do spend about 10 hours sleeping. 10 hours sleeping every night. the average is 7 hours. come on. but i feel like i cant FUNCTION hahahaha.

i mean yeah for a while i WAS a normie, getting 7 hours of sleep, working super stressful job all day every day. i was paying my dues just like everyone else.

but i just want a job where i can do tasks. have a routine. not have so much god damn change and confusion and being SLAMMED and having to explain and fix shit you didnt understand. its your job to answer the phone and there are calls always waiting in the queue.

heh the best was when i was on like a 90 minute call and i really had to urinate because i had been drinking a lot of coffee and water. i have actually put the caller on hold, ran out of the room and urinated, then came back to continue the call 2 minutes later with no one the wiser. because i was constantly putting the caller on hold for 5 minutes at a time to “research” or “get some advice” or run such and such a program.

but yeah that was HORRIBLE. i guess theoretically i could have asked the caller for permission so i could go to the Restroom. newbs would think, well why cant you just call them back.

ONE DOES NOT SIMPLY CALL THEM BACK because then you are in OUTBOUND call mode and that counts as Not Ready and you have to be Ready 85% of the time.  you are only ready when you are Inbound. on an inbound call, or those times when you are waiting for an inbound call.

i dont remember those times so much but we actually had them. but those times kinda sucked too because you were on the edge of your seat worried about when you would get that call and what it would be. i couldnt just Chill Out.

but yeah technically it WAS better than having one call after the other, to at least get a couple minutes between calls to rest or maybe even talk to your neighbor and try to convince yourself you were a normal human being who knew how to talk to people.

i dont want to work in a goddamn call center on inbound calls ever again! is that so illegit of me???!?!?!?!?!?!

its not like i wont serve customers or talk to people! i will give customer service! I will even sit in the inbound call queue for……..2 hours a day hahahaha. maybe even 3. but not fookin EIGHT hours a day.

i just hate that i WASNT TOUGH ENOUGH. I wasnt tough enough but SHE was.

 

wait until she leaves him for one of her more interesting male friends, he is right to be “insecure.” also he is shamed for thinking casual sex is wrong and not liking that his GF had a FWB casual sex partner. shamed by all the casual sex NIHILIST sluts of reddit.

feel pretty exhausted, not sure why. was it really because of muh 90 minute interview? i think so. but i used to do the equivalent of 8 hours of interviews every day at work. and yeah i was exhausted too but i couldnt sleep because my mind was RACING and worried.

right now im not worried and mind racing thank GOD. but i shouldnt be THIS tired. just from a 85 minute interview. i mean i sleep 10 hours a day. i cant upgrade the citalopram any more said the dr, 40 mg is maximum dose. the other option is that i could add wellbutrin. who knows. might do that. keep adding shit until one day i can HANDLE Normie Life. not even a Rel! but just a normie job. like the ones i interviewed for today and yesterday.

int tommorow, i am barely even preparing. i have talked to these people TWICE before, taken like FOUR tests with them, also this is a part time job, i am sick of doing prep work for them. but this part time job pays pretty well (15 an hour) and i would not turn it down AT ALL. I would welcome it.

just too many god damn college “educated” professional women on reddit. thinking they are all smart and progressive with their horrible nihilistic “progressive” “values.”

anyway i am a VERY low key guy and i would not like the “rockstar” gf like this guy has. its fine and dandy she has “CHOSEN” him but i guarantee shes gonna end up CHOOSING one of her more interesting male friends, and his “insecurities” will be 100% correct. he would be better off with a low key person like him, someone who doesnt have FWB’s.

i certainly want a low key woman. That Woman was very low key and did not like to party at all. no drinking, no going out, just staying in with the family, no tons of male friends. i LUVED that about her. i mean i have dealt with the other type of woman too. too many male friends, sluts, etc. college sluts that probably use reddit now and give horrible advice.

anyway i just worry that I singlehanded Ruined my rel with that woman because of My Issues that I should have been Getting Therapy for!!!!!!

but i HAVE been going to Some Therapy and taking medz every day!

oh god what a butt slut hahahahahahahaha

at the age of 24 shes ONLY had THREE serious enough relationships (out of 600000000000 secs partners) that she Luved enough to let them put it in the ass. THANKS.

anyway didnt mean to get on a tangent there.  i just dont want to RUIN rels with My Issues. Insecurities and Anxiety and Despair and Hate and Judgeyness hahahahaha. oh you had 3 FWBs thats gross and NIHILISTIC hahahaha. well it is.

well i mean reddit said its FRIENDS with benefits and its not nihilistic, its not disrespectful, and it involves communication and respect and mutual appreciation, you are not just using people for secs nihilistically.

so THEORETICALLY its something I MAY be capable of. like if i met a qt young gurl who i thought, oh yeah shes attractive i wouldnt mind having secs with her.

but if she was a decent person and i got along with her as a FRIEND, AND was secsually attracted to her…….i would CERTAINLY get some kind of FEELINGS very quickly.

so i dont understand how these FWBs just dont end up Dating.  you get along with the person as a friend, which is HUGE, AND you are secsually attracted to them, with is HUGE, and together with the getting along? i mean shit it sounds like something that would work really well as Dating, so why the f not do that?

like i was good friends with that woman and wished i could date someone i got along with that well. and then i started thinking of her secsually…..and boom the FEELINGS came right along with that.

so yeah FWB points to the nihilistic shit of being able to separate secs from feelings, which IMHO is nihlistic and wrong and disturbing, just like that anxious niceguy(tm) OP says in that reddit where he was shamed.

fookin interviews. sick of this shit hahahahaha.

DONT WALK ALL OVER A DOORMAT AND THEN COMPLAIN ABOUT HIM BEING A DOORMAT

IT TAKES TWO TO MAKE A DOORMAT.

all these women complaining about nice guy doormats. YES I AGREE it sucks to have people THROWING themselves asking to be WALKED ON, but THAT DOESNT MEAN YOU HAVE TO DO IT!!!!! Use it as a teaching moment to leave them better than you found them. say, stand up man! Dont let people walk all over you! and feel SHAME on Yourself if YOU ever walk on people!

GOOD WOMEN DONT WALK ON MEN!

DONT WALK ALL OVER A DOORMAT AND THEN COMPLAIN ABOUT HIM BEING A DOORMAT!

BETTER TO LIGHT A CANDLE THAN CURSE THE DARKNESS!!!!!!!!!!!!!

i never walked on people. i wouldnt feel RIGHT walking on people. id say, this is fookin retarded, get up man, im not gonna WALK on you, have some damn self respect man!

yep so reading the controversial stuff from march 2015 (1.5 years ago hahaha) its obvious i should have

  1. just left it all alone, which i OBVIOUSLY couldnt do, so therefore my best option was
  2. just Confess and Blurt It Out right then and there. STOP WAITING FOR THE PERFECT MOMENT to talk to her because she wasnt gonna take it. the best I could have done is send her a one page email stating all the facts in as unemotional a way as possible and say, welp heres the explanation for all this. now just reject me already and lets move on with our lives and not have too much butthurt.

 

 

heh i kinda wish That Woman was all sad because YES IT IS, I GET IT, that losing a friend is HARD, even if you arent losing a Lover. So I wanted to know that she was UPSET to lose me as a friend, because that means i MEANT something to her as a friend, which i was PRETTY SURE I did. And she meant something to ME as a friend too! and then shit CHAAAAANNNGGGGED!!!!!! How is this SO HARD to understand! FEELINGS CHANGE!!!!!! Just Friends shit can CHANGE to wanting to be more than friends! its not ULTERIOR MOTIVES!!!!!

i guess i was/am trying to convince myself i didnt have ulterior motives. becuase i wouldnt like ulterior motives either. but deep down i guess i know it wasnt ulterior motives.

but i can see how you might think its ulterior motives, and i really want to convince you it wasnt, because i know how bad ulterior motives are.

 

hehehehe

 

i mean this stuff HAPPENS, its not just ulterior motives. but do WOMEN ever get feelings for their GUY friends, or it it always the other way around? i dunno. knowing women and how stupid and ridiculous they are, they probably dont, hahahahaha. why not? because they are meeting fun, interesting, secsy, eligible NEW guys ALL THE TIME. just a revolving door of neverending new guys. never any need to RETHINK anything because there is always someone NEW,

women are CONSTANTLY meeting new guys. men meet like one new woman a year. women meet a new guy EVERY DAY.

shit yeah men are more easily replaceable. its just a fact of life. get used to it.

yeah well that has been hard for me. i hate being replaced hahahaha. it takes 2 years for me to get over it every time.

and now all these people are piling on the man as the bad guy here, because he was friends with her, and as soon as she says no i wont fook you, he DUMPS her and turns his back. its all about SECS and FOOKING to these women, they dont even know what LUV is, and they cant understand that feelings happen sometimes, and its really hard to turn off feelings, and sometimes you need to be away from the person in order to get over your feelings, because they dont have feelings for you! and they call that dumping your friend because she didnt want to fook you. way to totally miss the point in the most jooish way possible. its like they never had unrequited luv for a friend before hahahaha. and they probably HAVENT! men understand what this is like………women do not.

yes they are like a separate species! damn! they dont know any of our feels and we dont know any of their feels!

good thing she hurts! but i GUARANTEE SHE will get over him a LOTTTTTTTTTTTTTTT quicker than he gets over her! it will take him two YEARS, it will take her 2 months, tops.

interviews monday tuesday AND wednesday. that is a first. 3 interviews in 3 days. i mean how can I NOT get a Job Offer pretty soon? hehehehe.heh.

probably because i have Stopped Trying on the interviews. but I still dont do markedly WORSE. but i am remarkably not self aware hahahaha. i write about myself all day and im still not self aware hehe.

sheeeit back in march 2015 i was smokin MJ regularly. the best thing was to just put it in a regular cigarette. take out maybe half of the filter. and then you could easily smoke those outdoors.

heh. you know why i get jealous when you go hang out and meet all these new guys? because one of these new guys youre gonna think is more interesting and secsy than me and i dont want u to leave me!

i mean people can do what they WANT. no ones entitled to anything. just saying its god damn competitive AF out there, when your GF is meeting all these hot new guys all the time, and you are pretty average at best. hows she NOT gonna leave you for one of them, when you take all this extra effort to appreciate?

i have Being Dumped issues because women have had NO PROBLEM dumping me when the time came. showing me EXACTLY how much value they thought I had As A Mate. NO PROBLEM replacing me with a Sexier Man. Doesnt mean those men were Essentially Superior Humans to Me, in GODS Eyes…………but the women I was trying to get with sure thought so!!!!!!!

so hell yeah i have ISSUES about that! anyone would!!!!!

not saying i agree with this, but wouldnt it be an incentive for the state to legalize MJ if there were HUGE TAX REVENUE they could get from it? like if people make more money with it being illegal (police, law enforcement, pharm, alcohol, lawyers, jails), then WHY NOT add SO MUCH TAX to it that the state would make more money off the TAX than they would off all these other things. which means it would have to be a damn high tax. like maybe 20% hahahaha.

basically, how much tax would be ENOUGH for State Govt to approve legal MJ?

i mean i would be willing to pay a HUGE tax.

now im DEFINITELY not saying that that tax money would be used wisely. roads would still be falling apart, schools would still be shitty, infrastructure would still be shitty, there would still be no jobs, and all the money would just go to state workers and politicians salaries and pensions hahahaha, even if it brought in in a trillion bux a year. but shouldnt that be enough to convince THEM?

how about a 100% tax rate. buy a $100 bag of MJ for $200 and $100 goes to the state. how could the state not want that.

hahahahahaha

so i will be speaking to the director of IT tomorrow, he has a very impressive linkedin and has accomplised 14880000000000000000000000 times the things i have at around the same age i am.

they mentioned another guy would be there too, they just mentioned a first name that sounded very informal, i looked up people named this at the company, and thats the CEO’s first name. he goes by this informal kind of nickname. he has a PHD from CAMBRIDGE. I mean thats intimidating as FOOK. do I really NEED all that? i am just trying to make 12 dollars an hour here. you dont need to have your cambridge phd ceo fooking talk to me.

oh i bet he has a wife and children too. and gets respect from people. well hes EARNED it!

the company is probably making at least 30 million a year in revenue and they want ME to speak to the CEO. i mean ive seen this before, where there were RIDICULOUSLY high up people in the interview for basically an entry level position.

trying to do some research on company, interview prep right now, printing shit. gonna run out of this “new” black print cartridge i just bought like a month ago. lucky if a print cart can last for 10 interviews hehehe.

right now posting some stuff from april 2015, when i was still talking to her. it is sad. real sad. i am very embarrassed and ashamed of how cowardly and weak and stupid i was. shes not a bad person. i wasnt trying to play mind games with her, but im sure i ended up confusing her anyway. she was having a tuff time in life. the best thing i could have done was be direct. and i wasnt. you think she was mature enough to handle that at 24 years old? come on.

i mean i didnt want to manipulate her either. i was just SO DESPERATE to hang out with her, and she just kept avoiding it. so why didnt i say, well she OBVIOUSLY doesnt want to hang out! so stop bugging her, OR JUST SAY WHAT I WANT TO SAY AND BE DONE WITH IT.

so it is painful seeing myself acting so idiotically against this poor little confused gurl.

but i was confused too. i wasnt trying to manipulate or control her. i just want to hang out. and i just couldnt accept reality though.

i wish i had the BALLS just to say what I was really thinking though. just be a MAN and be like LISTEN. HERES THE THING. I’ve started to like like you over the past couple months. this affects our rel and we HAVE to deal with it.

not cutesy bullshit like i missssssssss you and lets hang out soon bla bla bla.

I WAS ACTING LIKE A WOMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

so yeah hope i dont have too many throwback posts like that, becuase i need to move on from that. i mean i learned my lesson and hopefully i wont do the same shameful shit again.

which isnt to say shes blameless. she could have done better too.

but i was no innocent either.

but im not a bad guy, shes not a bad person either, we were just two decent people who used to be good friends, both acting very weakly and cowardly, and the entire rel crumbling and dying as a result, and it was just SAAADDDDDDD AS FOOOOOOOK.  Like i say im not ANGRY at her, i haven’t really EVERY gotten ANGRY except BEFORE it ended. After it ended, I’ve just been SADDDDDDD AS FOOOOOOOOK. Cuz it really IS!

talking to the CEO. WHY would they throw out this second name, you’ll be talking to director if IT john kimball, and also billy. who the fook is billy. (not actual name.)

Why not say Billy Smith, CEO of the 500-employee company??????

so that means the job pays at least 40k right?

36k is National Average. i mean even that is a little HIGH for me, thinking well ive settled for 12 an hour, no WAY anyone would ACTUALLY pay me 18 an hour!

maybe the CEO just sits in on SOME interviews for FUN when he has the time and is not having power lunches or doing photo ops. he has a free hour, they’re doing an interview, whoopee, might as well drop in and terrify the Supplicating Dogsbody for a 12 dollar an hour job when I make 200k a year. I make TEN TIMES what he does.

It’s just not a WHITE thing to do to LORD your influence over other white men like that. And I’m pretty sure the guy is white. CEO with a phd in engin from cambridge, about 65 years old. gotta be white.

so she was just an immature little gurl, didnt know any better, dindu nuffin. yeah but she had like 5 years more relship and secs experience than me!

but THATS AS A WOMAN! WOMEN dont do any ACTUAL WORK or EFFORT or TRYING in relships! they dont learn any actual SKILLS like communication, empathy, sympathy, kindness, compassion, love, etc hahahahaha.

they can have 10 years of relship experience and still be CHILDREN!!!

anyway. interview tomorrow. another humiliation hahaha. no really MOST of the people ive talked to have been NICE.

but yeah i am ashamed i didnt do better. i really shat the bed. she kinda shat the bed too, but that much is on her. but I shat the bed too and I am ashamed of it and never want to make the same mistake again.

i dont think not shitting the bed would have made her Luv me…..but it prob would have saved some pain and butthurt from The End.

Shit just hire a shrink EVERY DAMN TIME you want to End A Rel. because you are gonna be so emotionally compromised you’ll fook it up every damn time. so just pay a shirnk 50 bucks to do it for you.

i just wish i had not been such a weak, pathetic, stupid bitch. i wish i could look back and say i was proud of how i acted. that i handled this like a grown, honorable, respectable, mature white man. and that i didnt act like a little girl.

i mean i wasnt Abusive or Creepy so I guess that is good, but I was pushy and needy and immature like a little girl. not my finest hour hahaha.

shaved face with actual razor today instead of electric shaver, its an interesting alternative and prob a closer shave.

oh well. im going to interviews. IM TRYING. IM TRYING. IM MAKING AN EFFORT hahahahaha. im not just sitting here like a lazy negro. i have done 486 applications and 27 interviews. and still cant get a 24k job with health care hahahaha.

i dunno. it just chaps my ass that 25 year old women arent mature enough to do work in a relationship and communication, but they ARE mature enough to get masters degrees and make 60k a year, and i am not mature enough to hold down a 30k a year job without Flaming Out and Breaking Down under the pressure.

really grinds my gears hahahaha.

this IT Ninja I am interviewing with has been working 20 years in IT, much of it higher level / management, but didnt finish his bachelors degree until he was successful in his career, in something COMPLETELY unrelated and useless. I mean he is the type they make MBA In IT Degrees for so he can be a good CIO.

but he probably makes too much money to want to do that, he can always get good paying work, he knows he’s got Valuable Skills. i bet he’s married as fook hahaahahahaha. i mean he’s been very gainfully employed for the past TWENTY YEARS and sounds like a charismatic, can-do guy, judging by the 10 diff recommendations from people on his linkedin. ideally i would do this, but i cant really. get linkedin recs i mean.

anyway i have to drive past HER workplace in order to get to interview/workplace tomorrow. and what if she were outside the office smoking a cig or something. well she probably quit smoking cigs, like a responsible successful person.

i should stop attacking her, because she is broken hearted that she lost a Dear Friend, ie Me! it HURTS to lose a friend!

hehehehe tell me about it. hey i lost a friend too.

oh so youre hurting? not my problem. go to a shrink. hehehehehehe.

i also hate reddit for assuming that 25 year old women are not mature enough to be responsible for their decisions and lives. and for being against getting married young and having children young. and that you are only mature once you hit 30.

yeah well this may be the case with a lot of people, but my god they are REALLY against people getting married before like age 25 at the absolutely earliest. especiall for women. men dont really matter. but women need to get all that EXPERIENCE and have all those ADVENTURES and make all those MISTAKES.  youre only ready to marry once youre 30 and have taken 30 cox.

heh. watching a ridic old sherlock holmes episode and its the guy from raiders of the lost ark, the nervous creepy nazi “toht”. wearing a ridiculous wig. is that the same guy? kinda looks like him.  i have never seen him in anything else.

http://www.imdb.com/title/tt2043454/?ref_=nm_flmg_act_16

yes its the same guy, ronald lacey.

ANYWAY. he died in 1991 of CANCER.  and had to use a colostomy bag since he was like 20 years old. well he still managed to have at least two children.

yeah thats the thing. its a REAL MIXED BAG, age 25 is, for women. some are mature, some are not. but i think they should be more mature than immature. i mean yeah I was immature then, and now, but I SHOULDNT HAVE BEEN. Thats WAY too old to be immature.

yeah well i had never done this before, never had this experience, never fell in luv with a friend, i didnt think i ever would. so i guess that thing wasnt INGRAINED in me by age 25! like i think everything is INGRAINED by age 25. you can still do plnety of learning and changing after that. thank god.

so….you can get a shady doctor to sign a MMJ rec, BUT the state licensing agency doesnt need to APPROVE it and send you your state approved card! actually the state DENIES about 20% of the applications they get every year! but why?????? do some doctors have a reputation as shoddy? probably. under investigation by LE? probably.

but dont they just raid the dispensaries? do they really care about doctors? ive only heard ONE news story in the past 5 years or so about a doctor getting charged with MJ card fraud.

OR should i complain about Severe Pain next time i see my regular doc, THEN get recrods printed, take those to MMJ doctor?

should i be trying to Scam The System like this? doesnt that LOOK BAD for MMJ in general, and also for Legal MJ in general?

hey just charge 100% tax and legalize it! legalize, tax, and regulate it, oh great state hahahahaha.

i mean honestly its a great safety net. i could have the Worst Day At Work of Angry Customers Demanding Explanations, and it would be easier to take knowing I had some MJ waiting at home for me!

i honestly LUV it the way i luv a waifu. it is one of the best REWARDS for me. like giving a dog a treat or giving a kid candy/ice cream. or give the normie his cuddly gf. give me some mj.

i also wish i hadnt overdone the drinking, so that i could go out with normies drinking, as a way to Team Build. you will have an easier time at Work if you go out drinking with your Team, otherwise you look like the Office Weirdo, and they are gonna try to Force You Out and Bullycide you hahahahaha.

if they REALLY have me talk to the CEO of a 300 person, 30 million a year company, i am gonna write 6000000 words on it hahahaha.

when you start a rel, start a FUND and put 50$ in it, so you can pay a shrink to facilitate the breakup. PREPAY for your inevitable breakup hahahaha. shit ill pay for it, just like a man paying for dinner. it’s well worth the 50$ to me. maybe even 100$. two sessions.

 

she makes 100k, he makes 35k, they are both 28 yo hahahahahahaha. look at this fookin normie making 35k at age 28 hahahahaha!!!!!!!!!!!!

what about men who get divorced at age 30, then dont date again till they are 45, and find that all the 30-45 women are HORRRRRRRRIBLE. all the ego of a 25 year old but none of the hotness to back it up. also more kids, more cox, more exes, more crazy. i dont want to date 35 year olds! except maybe for casual secs. but you cant have a FAMILY with 35 year old women!

i just worry i will never get that close to THAT high quality of a woman again and will always have to settle for LESS.

 

heres some great drama. I dont think he should GHOST her thought. just be like wow im really shocked you had an abortion, i dont think i can marry a baby murderer, or, maybe i can, lets talk about this.

i mean yeah i would be shocked too. but its probably better than cheating. maybe. its still pretty damn bad. i am very anti abortion, more than averaege.

also this woman is super retarded because she refuses to believe she was being dishonest. does not understand the concept of dishonesty by omission.

hmm maybe thats what i did to HER. lying by omission. i wasnt telling her about this big important thing.

well it all comes back to “I was PLANNING on telling her when we HUNG OUT because thats a BIG CONVERSATION that you cant have via text, needs to be done IN PERSON.”

which is true, BUTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTt

what i LEARNED was,

when they keep AVOIDING you for X months,

then YES, you DO tell them the big thing via text, because your rel is pretty much OVER anyway.

oct 24

posted a response on despair forums for the first time in months, felt like interacting with someone hhehe. a man suffering after a bad breakup, where she blamed him, said its all your fault, and blocked him for being smothering, when he wasnt. that has got to be hard to hear. i imean THAT WOMAN never accused me of being smothering, but i knew she was thinking it, and i know i can be, and i have tried NOT to be.

had interview with the healthcare place today, went ok, was nervous, always nervous, anticipating crucifixion. i asked whos this “billy” guy, is the CEO really gonna be here, and they said yeah he likes to sit in on a lot of interviews, but he had to go to a last minute business lunch, sorry he couldnt be here. I said thats fine, i am always happy to come in and talk to him later, or on the phone. but yeah. that WAS the CEO. very hands on CEO. damn.

talked to it director, and there were 2 women in there as well. kind of a low pressure interview. there was an 8 minute wonderlic Intelligence Test before everything started. i only got through 20 questions. sheeeeeeit.

i forgot to ask how many people were interviewing. i did ask about salary and did not say another place was muh number 1. i demonstrated knowledge of the company and said welp i dont have tons of working experience with SQL and C++ but I coursework in them and got all A’s. i like to take initiative to teach myself the things i need to know. i use google, do due diligence, and ask intelligent questions.

i said WELP i looked at glasdoor, says 35k is the average, but i’m looking to come in well below average because i am entry level, i made X at previous job, and i am looking for 14 to 16 here, but very flexible. i want to be in your ballpark. they talked about how great the benefits were and how there are 19 paid days off a year.

i mean it looks pretty good. would not mind getting this job. this one is prob the new number 1 anyway. close to home, 15 an hour, benefits, M-F days, growing company, award winning workplace.

also i went in there and saw that a woman i used to work with at the Living Hell Previous Job was there. she was always super nice and I was nice to her and helped her when she was new. and she appreciated my help. although I think I shocked her once with my filthy mouth, hahahaahaha. but i think she forgot about that. anyway she seemed happy to see me and i was nice to her today. also sent her an invite on linkedin today while everything was fresh. she was/is a nice sweet person and thats all that matters to me. also she was a smart good worker and deserved a better job. so nice to see she got a job here. i am sure it is at least a little better than where we were.

anyway ideally she can say oh yeah he’s great, he’s super nice AND super smart. i mean i had a good repoire with her and liked helping her. i mean i liked helping people in general and our people needed a LOT of help because they were constantly being THROWN TO THE LIONS, not just the wolves, but the goddamn LIONS, they needed a lot of help, and there was not enough of a supply of help. so i took up the cross and helped people off the clock quite a bit.

anyway maybe thats a SIGN FROM GOD that THIS IS THE ONE, that this nice woman works there.

or maybe its just the 27th rejection hahahahaha. life goes on, time marches on.

way to email me paypal and amazon letting me know my password has been stolen and that i should change it hahahaha.

anyway. yeah i would totally take this job. its close and doesnt seem too bad. i could be somewhat proud of working there. there might be some help desk work but as long as its less than 4 hours of inbound calls a day, that would be ok.

i drove by the place where i heard That Woman was working. i said IM NOT GONNA LOOK AT IT but i failed in that and instead blatantly Rubbernecked at the parking lot looking for her car. I didnt see it but there were a lot of cars and i was going 40 mph. i swore that if i drove by again after the interview i would not look at the building or parking lot. that i would physically block it with my hand.

instead i just took another road to go home.

if i get this job i am willing to do whatever it takes to not look at that building or parking lot hahahaha.

i cant believe the CEO is so HANDSY that he likes to do so many interviews. he has a phd in engin from cambridge. did he publish any papers? how much money did he make as an Executive Business Consultant, and then as CEO of a health care company? how fookin rich is he? is he british? probably. why would he come from UK to here? I would rather be born in the UK hahahahahahaha well maybe. things are shitty over there too. but you are closer to Yurop and the Home of the White Race. i dunno. i just dont trust people who leave their whole FAMILY an OCEAN away unless they are nonwhite immigrants coming from the third world to the first world.

also i guess he is very hands on in the technical projects. GREAT. i mean you are like 70 years old man. go traveling. visit your family. youve made MILLIONS of dollars. the man is a MULTIMILLIONAIRE and I have to talk to HIM for a 15 dollar an hour job hahahahaha.

well they didnt say. i know youre SUPPOSED to get them to say a number first. im honestly too desperate for that, plus I already had a range in mind: 14 to 16. let them know i looked at glassdoor. maybe they’ll reject me because i looked too desperate because i said a number first hahahahaha.

they responded yes that range is in the ballpark.

i asked them about Growth in the company. they said they were growing SO MUCH they plan to DOUBLE within 3 years. they are growing so fast they can barely keep up. INTERESTING.

sent thank you email hours ago. damn.

interview tomorrow for Bank job, in Records. Bank Records. 12.50 an hour. this company is also a Best Workplace To Work. I should just apply to places on those list. as determined by large local paper. anyway. I semi respect this bank as a good employer and would be happy to take their job too. their hr person impressed me by contacting me about this job, after i was rejected for the tech job at this bank. i mean that was just good guy greg stuff. i usually hate women, HR, and companies, but she really impressed me here. i mean she didnt have to call ME. she coulda called any of the other 1000000000000000 people that had applied for that job in the past day, when i had applied like 8 months ago.  it shows they actually LOOK at those old applications and dont just throw them in the memory hole. the whole company seems above board and ethical and not run by sneaky semites.

and then on wed i have the final interview of week. not gonna get a ton of sleep before that one. early in the morning. part time job. but it pays more per hour than the FT job tomorrow. but that FT has decent, ok, average benefits.

WHEN YOU’VE BEEN DOWN AS LONG AS ME, MEDIOCRE LOOKS PRETTY DAMN GOOD!!!

like honestly a 12 dollar an hour FT job with benefits is nothin special, which all 21 year old college grads should aim for, not a 35 year old man!

i mean how can you raise a family on that? how can you attract a wife with that?

you mean youre 35 and havent found a wife and started a family yet? hahahahaha.

BABY STEPS.

get this job, then go out with slutz from okcupid hahahaha and try to find a wife.

reddit thinks that you shouldnt date men who even use the WORD “SLUTS”. at age 26 you should be more mature!

hehehe what about if you are 35 hahahahahahhahahahha

no i call women SLUTS every day. it simply means you are too promiscuous, your number is too high, you dont have enough REVERENCE for the secs act and who you do it with.

its a nihilistic culture of death. you dont have enough respect for life. at BEST, you are DANGEROUSLY immature. thats what SLUT is shorthand for. someone i only want to use for short term pleasure. never more.

sheeeeit i mean i dunno. i pretty much HAVE to go to some stupid website if i want to meet new women. whether its a WIFE, or its a short term Meat Hole hahahahahaha. a Slut.  ok how about i LOOK for a good wife type woman, then if i meet her and she turns out to be a slut, then uhhhhh let her do what sluts do, and forget about marrying her hehehe.

i just yeah. i shouldnt hate how women can be immature and get a man, but men have to be mature to get a woman. because thats just natural. thats how god made us. uterus power. but plenty of immature men get women too. you dont need to be mature, you just need to be MANLY.

 

look at this nice young man. he wants to dump his GF, but he knows she’ll be devastated, so he wants to let her down as easily as possible. he doesnt hate her, and really doesnt want to add insult to injury. or add injury to injury hahahahahaha. so he asks for advice how how to dump as gently as possible. what a nice young man!

hey i CAME CLOSE to having a real rel with a woman. technically I HAVE had actual real rels with women. just nothing that involved mating. then it was a clusterfook. they only wanted negros and men who acted like negros to fook them hahahahhaa no thats a lie. woman2012 didnt want negros. That Woman didnt ALWAYS and ONLY want negros.

basically dump someone the way you would want to be dumped. be nice……but dont be so nice that you give them false hope that its not really over. be as nice as you can in stating that it’s for sure over.

yeah this is a hard thing to talk about.  i guess i can’t blame anybody for being bad at it! let alone a cowardly little woman! shit i prob wouldnt have the balls to do it!

or when other women dumped me, they tried to be nice about it, and that led to me not fully understanding, thinking i could get them to change their mind, talk them out of it. so yeah its hard to be nice but also be VERY FIRM.

so spend 50 bucks to have a shrink do it. totally worth it. they can get the message across in a firm way with NO ambiguity. i will do this every time i have to dump someone hahahaha. or if i think a woman wants to dump me, i will hire the shrink FOR her to dump me.

this is a GREAT fookin idea. why doesnt EVERYONE do this? shrinks are everywhere, even the middle of nowhere. i mean they are nothing but MSW social workers, and these are a dime a dozen.

heh. i wonder if wimmin who have MSW degrees are better at dumping their boifrans. or better communicators. or more mature. or better Conflict Revolvers. I wonder!

or do you have to be a LICENSED or CLINICAL social worker.

 

THE SEVEN WEEK ITCH

oct 19

welp got 2 interview invites in 1 day, bringing muh average “up” to 1/19 hahahaha. 1 interview for every 19 apps. better than target of 1 out of 20 hahahahaha.

1 for IT Quality Assurance at healthcare place, that might be good. i dont have QA experience but i wish i did and I am fundamentally committed to the idea of quality! hahahaha.

and then interview for part time city job which i would like to get.

ok, this time, DONT TELL THE SECOND PLACE THAT THEY ARE SECOND PLACE!!!!

meaning, DONT be “up front” or “transparent” that I am interview with place xyz and that if they offer me the job, i have to take it!

my previous thought was, this makes me not look desperate. like i am a man with options. this might work with women, but not sure about Jobs. Jobs might only want you if THEY are your FIRST choice. by saying you’d take another job, you’re telling them they are not your first choice. therefore they wont pick you.

so, 2 interviews next week. and now up to 25 interviews, 479 apps. i was shooting for 25 and 500, so, even better.

25 interviews was kinda my Magic Number tho. like THERES NO WAY I wont get a job after 25 interviews.

course thats what I said about 20!

WELL, some of these things werent really INTERVIEWS tho. I added .5 for Testing Sessions and Phone Interviews.

well a phone interview is kinda an interview right? its at LEAST TWICE as stressful as taking a test right? so i really should count phone interviews for 1 instead of .5.

 

hehehehe i did not really get HEADDESK FACEPALM issues like this, i kinda wish i did, because then they would be EASY and I could EASILY BLAME the Stupid Idiot Luser and be CONFIDENT that I was right and knew what i was doing. When in reality i would get WEIRD shit and think, DAMN, I know even LESS than the User! I have no idea what this thing they’re using even is! I have to fix a tool they’re using which I’ve never seen or heard of before!

go to tales from tech support and read all the Long and especially Extra Long stories. that is kind of what our stuff was like hahahaha. Extra Long.

I am closer to these shockingly idiot Users than I am to Tech Support! so why am i am WORKING for tech support! i empathize and sympathize wiht the Lusers too much!

DOGSBODY. this is def a british people word, for “administrative assistant” or “secretary” or “factotum” or person who does the shit jobs noone else wants to do. slave, lackey, minion, grunt, monkey, meat.

a Half Day Shadow is more than enough to fully train you for everything in your job! Thank You Sir for the PRivilege of a Half Day Shadow!

2 interview invites in 1 day, thats gotta count for something right. so to celebrate, think i will only apply to 1 job (baby step), then do 10 pushups (baby step), then do a 1 hour powerwalk (kind of a baby step hahahaha), listen to new fatherland episode (not a baby step but a full pleasure, very comfy, like cuddling a QT or smokin a big MMJ hahahaha)

it is VERY frustrating when you apply for a job, then see the cover letter you used, and see that it has a mistake in it: misspelling, wrong company, wrong position title, some sort of error. and then you think, theres GOT to be ones i’m NOT catching. and i’ve caught at least 2 or 3 in the past 100 or so.

sheeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeit.

 

 

like these tales from reddits

 

how to train your call centre dogsbodies

 

she has only ever been with OP, and the 2nd guy she fooked was this “gay guy” she fooked when fooked up one night. cheating on the OP.  now gf is crawling back and saying pls forgive me, take me back, you can fook other gurls, pls just take me back. OP has a bad feeling and doesnt really want to. i would probably say I FORGIVE YOU BABEY bla bla bal and then she would cheat on me again and give me aids hahahaah. grids.

once a cheater, always a cheater!

NOT EVEN ONCE!

So if I made it 30+ years without cheating “EVEN ONCE”…..uh i kinda want to STAY that way! and i also want a woman for muh wife who has never cheated even once.

 

 

heh this is what i dont like about reddit. they think the father is a horrible bigot because he doesnt want his 20 year old white daughter taking the BBC. well, i guess they could be jooish, here’s a situation where joos would call themselves white.

and she is JUST FINDING OUT her father is “racist.” because he has black friends and hasnt given any indication that hes a HORRIBLE BIGOT until his 20 yo daughter brings home a black silverback!

and all the reddit scum agree, oh yes, he’s a horrible person.

 

gf dumped guy, broke his poor heart, now is upgrading to a better man, and dumped boifran continues to torture and blame himself. yeah this sucks. its better when they downgrade to a shittier man…..but many times they dont hahahaha.  YOU are the shittier man because youre a big loser in life.

it just sucks when they Move On so QUICKLY and yeah i would like to see reddit shame the xgf for that. like you cant take more than a few weeks to be single and Process the Dead Rel? you IMMEDIATELY go out and find someone WAY better? at least accept that that is gonna do a NUMBER on this sad sack guy!

well at least he’s young and near to finishing an engin degree so the odds are in his favor of getting a good job with that.

i might just RESPOND on this thread because hes not getting enough sympathy!!!!!

yeah i responded with a rambling, incoherent, autistic thing. see if you can find it hahahahahahaha.

guy gets feelings for his close female friend. she doesnt feel the same way. he doesnt know what to do. they work together. but she doesnt HATE him for it and they still talk and she prob wants to be friends. well he is way more successful than me and younger than me hahahahaha. so i say just make money and bang bitches and put her on the SUPER back burner.

 

when she LITERALLY TELLS YOU she wants to “put you on the shelf” and fook other guys, DUMP HER!!!!!!! not ok!!!!!!

/r/relships is good in that there is a lot of input, some of it good.

/r/anxiety and /r/depression are both GODAWFUL because there are 10% of the posts here, and they are not very high quality. /r/relships always tells you go to therapy, and its just funny. they REALLY need therapy on anx and dep.  i mean, there is terrible/no advice on these. nothing actually useful. just yep i want to K muh self too, its hopeless, the end.

at least on relships they TRY. and the women give shitty annoying advice but half of the women TRY, and 75% of the men TRY.

THIRSTY. MEN ARE NATURALLY THIRSTY.

80% of men DONT REPRODUCE. 80% of men cant get a woman. 80% of men have been celibate for 2 years or longer. of COURSE most 80% of men are “THIRSTY” hahahahahahaha.

but you see what im saying. most men dont have any OPTIONS they can CHOOSE from. BEGGARS cant be CHOOSERS. BEGGARS are THIRSTY. its not BAD for them to be thirsty. dont THIRST SHAME them!

dont THIRST SHAME a man whose been crawling in the desert for 10 years!

in fact, to continue with this thirst metaphor, thirst is not inherently bad! it means you’re suffering because you’re not getting something you NEED!

so the proper response is, dont SHAME them, say oh noes, THIS MAN IS DYING OF THIRST! HE NEEDS SOME WATER STAT!!!!!!!!!!!!

now its not anyones JOB to do that for him….but his own skills may well be weakened. compromised.

so i should just go to a hooker is what you’re saying?

well i would much rather go to a FWB.

oct 20

sheeeeeeeeeeeeeeeit. interesting scenario, go to my usual social event and a new gurl is there, about 25 years old, white, very qt, friend of acquaintance of mine, so i figure thats fine, hes got DIBS on her if he wants, but i’m not entirely sure what his motives are, but if i think she is QT he prob does too!

she seems not super obnoxious or bitchy in personality, but also lets slip some potential huge baggage, like fam members dying of drugs, possibly crazy x bf’s, lots of male friends, possibly dated a black guy, or a guy with a REALLY black sounding name lets just say. who knows how many abortions, how manny cox.

and yet i found myself attracted to her, like wow what a qt, i dont care if she’s crazy, i dont care if she had a black boifran, i dont care if she’s been with about 10 guys by age 25, i just care that shes qt and doesnt have any children. and if she were showing me interest right now, i would like that a lot and i would get over That Woman a lot faster.

and then i felt ashamed and inferior because my social skills are pretty bad, i cannot keep up with banter with the normies, i dont hang out and go to the bar or bowling with the normies, and i have terrible Game and cannot Talk To Women, and thought “i have nothing to talk about with this woman. she has quickly written me off as the most boring guy ever. by age 25 women dont want to waste time with BORING, quiet, awkward guys.”

my excuse was, i just assumed the other guy had “DIBS” on her and I was happy to respect that. but if he DIDNT, and was just looking for a Degen FWB, which is actually very possible, and it’s Open Season, then yeah my game was horrible omega vrigin neet style.

so that made me not feel so confident. like a failure with women.

and also just felt like a failure socially in general cuz my normie acquaintances go out to bar and bowling together, even if they have to Work the next morning, and I am just realy awkward abotu hanging out. I cant contribute to the hilarious banter very smoothly and i do not show tonnes of interest in hanging out, HOWEVER these are decent people and it would be GOOD for me to hang out more, socialize, with decent people.

i mean i do try to be nice and try to act normie, but i just can’t keep up with the stream of constant banter. its not even ball busting banter, but just making jokes like a well adjusted normie. nothing mean spirited or douche baggy, like i say, these are decent positive people.

so yeah a bit of double whammy socially last night hahaha: i am terrible with women, i am terrible with people.

i thought of how high this gurls number would have to be to be a dealbreaker. probably 10, i thought. she can come in under 10 at age 25 right? thats not asking too much?

but what about the fooked up family? was she molested? ever raeped? was there really black guys she fooked? how many black guys? how many white guys hahahaha. is she a cheater? abortions? how many fwb’s? hows your father?

and you cant really ask ANY of these questions as small talk hahahahahahahaha but she did let some pretty big hints slip, and she wasnt even talking to me!

OCCAMS RAZOR sez, I just wanted to bang her because she was a young qt, fit my A E S T H E T I C pretty well as a pale skinned, long haired semi “alternative” gurl, who does MJ and is not a huge social butterfly. Chill Cool Gurl. and then i thought DAMN I would like to DO her, but I would ALSO like cuddling with her, and making out with her, and trying the nice sweet GFE with her.

WITHOUT EVEN KNOWING IF SHE WAS GFE AT ALL!

Basically if the woman is even close to my “type” physically, I will want to try the GFE with her. meaning, potential for FEELINGS.

so it was nice knowing that i could very likely get Real, True feelings for a woman again, AND also lower my unrealistically high standards: been with less than 10 guys AND no black guys AND no abortions AND no cheating AND no fooked up family AND no kids AND 25-27 yo AND 6.8/10 hahahahaha.

sheeeeeeit she MIGHT have children, she just didnt say anything about that. i guess having children is the REAL dealbreaker. she could be a huge mudshark slut for all I care.

well of COURSHE these things would have SERIOUS implications in a serious LTR, but uhhhh ive never gotten that far before. i guess i would gladly take the GFE for 3 months until i get dumped by a mudshark slut for being too clingy hahahahaha.

ok a 25m complaining about his 19 yo gf that she is immature and bad communicator. so why doesnt she just dump him hahaha.

WELL, my question is, HOW MUCH maturity should you EXPECT out of a 25 year old WOMAN?

i hate this, well, you can only be SO MATURE at such and such an age. people dont MATURE till age 40.

heres the thing hehehe: 25 is in a real gray area here. we can all agree that 20 is immature, 30 is mature. so what does that make 25 then? it could go both ways obviously.

ALSO, its not like this GF is running away from her older BF. she is posting on reddit in a way to Try To Help.

anyway. the good the bad and the ugly.

the GOOD thing about “meeting” this new woman yesterday (i had actually met her once before like 9 months ago?) is that it taught me that I AM capable of getting feelings for a woman in the future. that is not THAT woman hahaha.

the bad and the ugly, well we just went over all that above. really it might be ALL TOO EASY for me to get feelings for a BAD woman! like this new woman has red and yellow flags pointing to dumpster fire, but here I am wanting to do GFE with her! Rough Secs sure, but also tender secs and tender cuddling and dating!

basically you want to be nice to the young qt woman and have her be nice back to you, EVEN IF she is the biggest dumpster fire in the history of the world! you will put on the rose colored glasses and just IGNORE everything in favor of you FANTASY! you will WILLINGLY DELUDE YOURSELF!!!!!

and that is EXACTLY what I did for That Woman!!!!!!!! I willingly bought into a FANTASY so much that I thought the fantasy was reality!!!!!!!

this can happen when you are lonely and desperate and thirsty and you have a female friend who is 25, qt, no children, and somewhat nice. BOOM. ALL OVER.

well this got muh confidence back up, i just got TWO MORE INTERVIEWS today.

TWO INTERVIEWS PER DAY FOR TWO DAYS IN A ROW.

THAT is TRULY UNPRECEDENTLY.

FOUR INTERVIEWS IN TWO DAYS.

This is the biggest thing since actually DOING two interviews in one day. (although that sucked. here im talking about the INVITATION to interview. which does NOT suck hahahaha.)

which brings MUH NUMBER up to 27!!!!! HORRY SHEET!!!!!

so yeah good pipeline.

the two i got today are: one from “bank”, HR woman called me and said well you didnt get the tech job (i knew this) but they were offering ANOTHER interview for me that i had applied to in april, didnt get anything for, they reposted it, and then HR called me and said i didnt even need to apply again, they would just give me an interview. so yeah i was really impressed by this HR woman. well she DOES have a masters degree. i mean i generally get a very solid respectable culture vibe from this company, i like it. it is refreshing.

next interview was at my old old employer, now this is a PT job, not super enthused about this one, but this place i associate with good easy PT jobs, albeit low paying and no more than 25 hours a week tops, but its close, and easy.

but i would take the higher paying PT job from this other place i am interviewing next wed.

applied for 1 job today when i was interrupted in that by the two phone calls. hehehehe.

so when i get secsual feelings for a woman, its VERY EASILY extrapolated to “romantic” feelings. for me there is not a huge disconnect between secs and romance. which i think is the old school, natural, traditional, nondegen way to be! what GOD has made one, man should not separate!

ok. wewlad all these interviews and phone calls.

i think its ok to say i have interviews to the other employers. just dont say, well this other place is my first choice. but its PERFECTLY FINE and a good move to say, oh i cant meet you on that day, I HAVE ANOTHER INTERVIEW.

course now that i have SAILED past 25, maybe that is GAAAAAAWWWWWWD telling me that I actually need to get to 30 interviews, not 25.

but 25 is a much better number than 30!

really 33 or 34 is a better number than darn 30.

just know that chill, introverted, quiet, nonobnoxious women STILL have 60000000000000000000000 guy friends because men have to do all the Heavy Lifting of being Charismatic, Interesting, Initiative, Drivers Seat, etc. a woman doesnt have to do anything to have 60000000000000000000000000 except RESPOND to texts.

she can be kinda plain, a 6.6/10, as long as she is 25 and no kids, she will have NO SHORTAGE of Male Friends, and from them, and ENDLESS SUPPLY of potential suitors, fook buddies, whatever she wants.

im not saying this is wrong or bad, i just get BUTTHURT when i see women taking that for GRANTED. that i DO get butthurt about.

also its ANNOYING when women complain about their BF’s getting JELOUS and CONTROLLING because they are upset the gf has 600000000000000 male friends. but then the women complain when the bf has female friends, or, even more interesting, a female “BEST FRIEND.”

YOU SHOULDNT HAVE A “BEST FRIEND” OF THE OPPOSITE SEX. THAT IS EMOTIONALLY CHEATING ON YOUR BF.

or gf or whatever.

ideally, you would be single and available, and make your opposite sex Best Friend your actual Boifran. because best friend implies  closeness, intimacy, emotional connection that really MUDDIES THE WATERS when it is across Gender Lines. one person ALWAYS WANTS MORE hehehehe.

http://www.livescience.com/5031-hypermiling-driving-tricks-stretch-miles-gallon.html

heh. this is me. i would rather drive at 30 mph everywhere than stop at lights hahahahaha.

HYPERMILING hehehehe

i am not as obsessive about fuel efficiency, i just hate stopping at lights hahaha.

bbbbbut i still feel bad about being so PUSHY to her that she BLOCKED me.

bbbbbut i thought she didnt have to BLOCK me, she could have TALKED to me THEN blocked me.

bbbbbbut maybe im underestimating what a HORRIBLE CREEP NARCISSIST WOMAN HATER SCARY BABY I’m being!

ken bone said “i saw jennifer lawrences butt hole, and I liked it” on reddit hahahahaha.

i bet he did! i bet I would too! and any red blooded man!

i think i briefly looked at some of those pictures but not very long and dont remember a BHole pic, which is especially titillating.

then you think of your version of That Woman and how men have photos of HER BHole on THEIR phone. and women think all these guys just DELETE these pictures once they are done fooking. COME ON.

and i never even made out with her, or cuddled with her, or spent enough time with her, or got her to make an effort for me. show ME her BHole and gush jooice all over muh D. which she does for every tyrone and rodney and dontravius.

and i hate how i was so stupid and omega and weak and pushy that i Pushed her to this. i became what women hate the most: a spineless, supplicating orbiter, not even worthy of a courtesy text before Blocking.

well at least i didnt stalk her and Hound her afterwards. yeah i sent her emails. EMAILS. big deal. yeah they were long but she prob didnt even read them. might have just BLOCKED them.

what if your GF accuses you of being abusive, gaslighting, controlling, manipulating, a horrible person, but you dont think you are those things, but you do know you are a little jealous, clingy, needy, which maybe leads to some semi-controlling things, but not what you would call abusive or manipulative or gaslighting?

never teach women these words because they will use them against you hahahahaha. stop GASLIGHTING me! she’ll say, when you are calling her out for something genuinely ridiculous.

tyrone and leroy and rodney dont GASLIGHT me! they fook me HARD and take pictures of muh BHole and I like it!

also these women will be thrown for a LOOP when they see how WILLING I am to go to counseling with them. oh you think im controlling? well ok lets go to a shrink right now to fix this, unless youd rather walk away!

and then they would probably walk away, and spend a year trying to beg dontravius to go to a counselor hahahaha.

also women can CONVERT a male friend to a Lover at least 100 times more easily than a man can convert a female friend to a lover. AND THATS A DAMN FACT!!!!!

and i am NOT just talking about the other FACT that women have many MORE male friends than men have female friends. but controlling for this factor. because im very CONTROLLING hahahahaha.

 

ex gf returns 5 years later to apologize, make better closure, now ex bf is obsessing about her again, then she says lets go NC, and he is all confused and in luv with her again.

this is exactly why you go NC in the first place. while trying to have mature communication and get as much “CLOSURE” as you can at the time. you have like a 1 month window to get closure, then its over. NC 4 LYFE. Till Death.

heh. took some nyquil for the first time in a while. a whole dose. which will prob lead to “hangover” tomorrow.

well thing to remember is nyquil makes you dehydrated so you should drink A LOT of water right after taking it.

yeah i would still rather smoke MJ, but, really wouldnt want to do that with FOUR interviews coming up hehehehehe.

heheheh now thinking about getting a PO box for a few months just so i can have MMJ correspondence sent there. then i can always cancel it after like 2 or 3 months.

can get a small po box for 3 months for 20-25 bucks. this would be worf it to me hahahaha.

 

he is right to be suspicious! also he is too trusting of HER hehehehe.  so of course now HE is the one with “TRUST ISSUES.” what a bunch of manhaters hahaha.

 

interesting read hehehehe cuz yeah you can get an idea how they run their business by their priorities and the decisions they make in fixing problems. bandaids, fires, short term vs long term focus, etc.

heres a good one. i am still not sure whats going on. yet its my job to tell albert that this is the only workaround. also i dont have a manager who is approving me to escalate it to engineering. and albert would instead argue with me, well why CANT a patch fix it? why does it HAVE to be a full upgrade? and i would say I dont know, I can’t explain it to you, and I can’t transfer you to the guy who is telling me it CANT BE DONE.

but honestly, isnt that case a little CONFUSING? and you need to solve it in 20 minutes? every 20 minutes, a new weird case like this, all day, every day?

even the comments just make stupid jokes about vladimir without trying to clairfy the salty snacks patch business.

anyway. i just want to know if i did something really horrible to a person, or not. because i dont want to do horrible things to people! damn!

i really dont think i did! but i also dont trust my judgment, esp on relships!

but still. i dont think i did something horrible evil.

but it WAS a CLUSTERFOOK of a situation that would take AT LEAST a year to even START to make ANY progress. just being close to something THAT clusterfooky is bad.

i mean i dont WANT to be a horrible person! I WANT TO BE A GOOD PERSON!!! PRINCIPLED!!!!!!!!

though WOMEN think I am a horrible person, IM REALLY NOT A HORRIBLE PERSON? OR AM I?

WELL I REALLY DONT WANT TO BE!!!!!!!

im not as bothered by this as all this shouting makes it seem. although i certainly WAS!

right now i am just zoned out on nyquil. kinda bored tbh but too lazy to do anything. if i had MJ i would totes do it. lots of it. just waiting to go to bed tbh.

so right now i am more worried about the job situation than i am about that woman, and also some worrying about All Women In General, and generalizing TOO MUCH from That Woman To All Women, and i should NOT do that.

Not All Women Are Like That Woman!!!!!!!!!!1

and that woman wasnt even that BAD. but it was just that one thing that i didnt like. well not all women will do that one thing. namely dump you without a word, just a straight blocking.

oct 21

ok next day after full dose of nyquil. not a bad “hangover” at all. better than expected. and lemme make clear, the worst nyquil hangover is way better than the best alcohol hangover!

it is just IMPOSSIBLE to be Confident Around Women (and to a lesser extent, men) when you are a Jobless Bum!!!!!!!!

well maria bartiromo is like 50 years old and i would GLADLY bang the shit out of her and her huge probably fake tits. and i dont normally even pay attention to tits hahahahaha. i am much more of a legs/ass/hips man.

i mean her i wouldnt get any delusions or fantasies about the GFE because she is an Old Hag. i guess this si the ideal type of women to have for FWB. but tbh less than 1% of 50 year old women look nearly as good as her.

i dunno. i just hate having to explain to angry customers why we cant do this, when i dont understand why we cant do this. and i dont know if they are just being a bad customer, or my company is being a bad company. or really both are shitty, but whos worse. SHOULD the company be screwing THIS customer in THIS case.

finally passed the 2 thousand dollars of Work amount, which really is not a lot. in terms of Hours Of Work on muh job search, times 12 dollars an hour. i have only done 168 hours of actual work on the job search. which is DISGRACEFUL hahahahaha.

good lord. i dont ever want to become this blind hhahaha. its like she doesnt even realize CHEATING is horribly bad!

and this is the guys WIFE of SEVEN years. DAMN. maybe that is the “7 year itch.” shit i dunno. i never made it to seven MONTHS. technically, not even seven WEEKS.

bitches get the seven WEEK itch with me, hahahahahahahahaha.

the seven DAY itch, 7 HOUR itch more like it, amirite. can only keep a womans interest for 7 hours. great job. hahahaha.

i’m not THAT uninteresting! if women cared about IMPORTANT things, theyd see i was VERY interesting!

but then again, a woman who is too interested in politics is inherently crazy!

well, what about a woman who is super interested in MORALITY??!?!?!?!

yeah i would be ok with that. that would be great. because then she would be very interested in not being a dirty whore or cheater. yes.

and if she’s crazy…..well ALL women are CRAZY, just give me the ones that are MORAL. as long as their craziness doesnt compromise their MORALITY and make them behave immorally, like cheating, abandoning, or being a slut. then give me crazy moral all day erryday 4 lyfe.

shit who cares. as long as they are moral to me. shit go ahead and cheat on me, just dont dump me hahahahaha. work out a DEAL with me to dump me in a way that i can handle. like negotiating a payment plan.  to wean me off of you. and give me a pound of MJ too.

was reading city-data forums today. people in my region talking about getting a college degree and making 50k in their mid twenties. now im 30 and make 60k without a masters degree. i just had to have a good work ethic and work 70 to 80 hours a week for the first few years to pay my dues.

heh thing is, i dont want to work 80 hours a week to pay my dues.  would just as soon go crazy and quit!!!!!!!

why cant you jusy pay your dues at 40-50 hours a week?

how do people handle this?

i KNOW that having a qt waifu would help take the edge off, as would a steady source of MJ.

you can have another boifran, even a black one, just let me have my fantasy, dont talk about him, and hang out with me 1 or 2 times a week. and dont give me any diseases. and when you cut me off lets work out a cutting off PLAN.

i was doing a 3.2 mile powerwalk and about 1.5 miles from muh home I found, on the ground, a little canister for MMJ. horree sheet. it was broken and there was nothing in it OF COURSHE, but i just thought it was funny, considering muh obsession with getting a MMJ card and ultimately, a neverending supply of MMJ, and I would not throw my canisters on the side of the road like a negro.

maybe I should have Scraped the Canister for some Kief Krystals hahahahahahahahaha.

heh i dont necessarily think women would CHEAT on me with their male friends, but i WOULD totally worry that they, social butterflies that they are, always meeting interesting hot new guys, that they would find a guy that is better in the Mate Market than me, and then dump me for him.

i mean thats BETTER than CHEATING, but I really do HATE being DUMPED. replaced. traded in for an UPGRADE. really i cant imagine cheating being much worse. i mean the shit is probably gonna end anyway. might as well get as much time wiht the woman as you can.

yeah but she could give you a disease. and really cheating IS worse than dumping. why would you want to spend another minute with someone so immoral.

well maybe if someone cheats on you, its easier for you to HATE them, therefore easier to GET OVER them, because it’s much easier to BLAME them for doing smething OBVIOUSLY HORRIBLE. where dumping is not really horrible at all. you cant really HATE someone for dumping you. theyre not really WRONGING you. in the way that cheating is.

 

what a fooking dumb idiot slut. guy point blank tells her he doesnt like just secs without dating, she wants “just secs” from her “CRUSH” no less. I thought CRUSH meant you LIKED the person and wanted to DATE them. which is clearly what HE wants to do. i would like to think a 22 year old could be more mature than this. than a big slutty BABY.

https://www.reddit.com/r/niceguys/

OH GODDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDD

sluts who fook chads and hate niceguys make fun of and mainly talk about how evil and rapey and creepy niceguys are, and how its so much better when chad nuts in their eye hahahahaha.

what i never got is, why do YOU LIKE treating people as a DOORMAT?

if someone were throwing themselves under my feet and wanting me to be a doormat, i mean it wouldnt even work, because IM NOT WILLING TO WALK ON ANOTHER PERSON!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

IN ORDER TO BE A DOORMAT, THE WOMAN HAS TO BE WILLING TO WALK ON YOU!!!!!!!

i would say listen, stop being a doormat, Im not gonna walk on you.

no im not the worst niceguy ever, but i have some niceguy tendencies, and i can sympathize with some niceguys.

I mean honestly i would never say these things, i stopped saying woe is me, nice guys finish last, yeaaarrrrrssssss ago, so i am thankful for that. but i am still a meek timid nice guy. i know GOD DAMN ALL TOO FOOKING WELL that it doesnt entitle me to anything and that it is THE SHITTIEST, WORST strategy ever, and that women HATE nice guys.

i mean i wish they didnt hahahahahahahaha. stupid bitches and whores hahahaha.

apparently referring to women as “females” is telltale nice guy, means you treat them as a separate, unknowable species. dead giveaway.

i mean i very rarely use this term, i just say women to mean the same thing, a seaparate, stupid, slutty, species hahahaha.

anyway yeah what made things difficult with That Woman is that i DID know her, it WASNT a fantasy, i got to know her, knew the real her for 2.7 years. its not like i just MET her and immediately projected my fantasy waifu all over her. (which i have done with other women.) when i first met That Woman I wasnt projecting ANYTHING on her. i didnt even really THINK about her that much.  i just said well she seems like a nice gurl with a hard life, she deserves a good man, but i just cant be that man. oh shes got a boifran? well hope hes a good guy and they get married. oh theyre having trouble? well i hope they figure it out. then i meet him. oh he is a good guy, just a little autistic and stubborn. they can still work this out if he wants to. he doesnt want to. he’s done. he’s gone now. now ive known her for almost 2 years. jeez maybe i DO want to be a Good Guy 4 U. and if shes just gonna give it away to negros, why not me? yeah thats a little ENTITLED sure, but i didnt really feel entitled to her Dating me, as much as i felt ENTITLED to her ending the Rel in a more Sensitive way hahahaha. i never called her a fooking bitch to her face like these nice guys do.

yeah i mean the nice guys are cringeworthy, but these WOMEN dont need to HATE them so much. I REALLY doubt any of these nice guys would be Monstrous Abusers. shit, they cant even get a woman TO abuse hahahahaha.

if anything, CHAD would be somewhat more likely to be an abuser, IMHO!!!!!

I mean at least half of Chads are Good Guys anyway. to coin a term in contrast to “nice guys.” so then what do we call ACTUALLY nice guys? i say we call them “good guys”. i mean shit i still call them “nice guys” but then bitches like this subreddit think im talking about the bad kind of nice guys.

but yeah if a guy starts throwing him at your feet and saying WALK ON ME! IM A DOORMAT!!! that doesnt mean you HAVE to do it! i would say, stand the hell up, i dont walk on anybody.

 

 

 

OK SILLY EVIL WH1TES, TIME TO GO NOW, YOUVE DONE ENOUGH DAMAGE

sheeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeit

sept 22

yeah there is def a mental emotional change when you have been a jobless neet for over a YEAR. you see a nice 12 dollar job and think wow maybe i could do this, and then you automatically get discouraged, like they will see this neetgap and say into the trash this neet goes.

so i am increasingly thinking a part time thing will be MANDATORY for me to regain my “training wheels” and gradually shed muh neetism. and then i have a MUCH better chance at getting those sweet bigboy 12 dollar jobs. and finding a nice fat white trash mudshark waifue hahahahaha. bbbbbb SHE makes 15 an hour! she is 3 full levels above me!

oh well i am done with her and i will be alone the rest of muh life, never find as good of a woman, big deal, who cares, i can get a 11 dollar part time job, be a part time bum and dnate money to 1488 orgs who support white children and white families that i will never have hahahahaha.

fook it who cares. smoke MJ erryday and dnate 20 bucks a year to white orgs hahaha really making a difference.

yeah well at least im not FAT!!!!!!!!!

should prob start LIFTING hahahaha.

11 Unusual Ways to Stand Out in a Job Interview

http://bit.ly/2cm4pHJ

#interview #interviewadvice #interviewattire #interviewetiquette #officebehavior via @Glassdoor

send a handwritten thank you note on fancy card stock? jeebus. fook this bitch. ARE YOU KIDDING ME. maybe thats why ive been rejected at 18 interviews. cuz all their other people sent handwritten thank yous on card stock. no ya dumb broad its because i have a 14 month gap. a 14.88 month gap hahahahahahahahaha hail victory, hail the fuhreri, gtkrwn

https://upfrommorallylazyloserness.wordpress.com/2016/09/21/6518/

top 20% post here tbh fam, hall of fame. rising above the rising tide of mediocrity hahaha. up from neetness’s best. go back and reread this on fo sho hehehehe.

repost this one. hehehe. top 10% even. LOL

yeah i bought that millennial woes t shirt hahahaha. no more t shirts for a while hahahaha.

i liked that that woman was more used to REJECTION than normie women. rejected by her longterm bf, rejected by her short term bf, rejected for jobs that other people got. she would not get hired just for being a pretty young gurl, prob because she came across as dumb and dull, but i didnt think that outweighed being a pretty young gurl! but for her it did. so she would have to go to 2 or 3 interviews at diff places before one said yes. rather than getting an offer for her very first place. but she would still find something relatively soon. didnt have to send out 550 applications and do 19 interviews. and i am much sharper and present much better than her! well, except that i get nervous and spergy. and i have a huge gap. which outweighs me being a fairly decent interviewer, apparently.

yeah well im smarter than HER. im better than HER hahahaha. i deserve to make 15 an hour and she only deserves to make 13 an hour hahahaha. because i am WAY BETTER than her hahahaha.

no i dont really believe that, thats just my shitty defense mechanism against her making me feel so weak and worthless and inferior and thrown away hahaha.

who cares. only me, no one else. she for DAMN sure doesnt care anymore.

but yeah even me being on a 3 week stretch of No Interviews has definitely weakened muh confidence. sheeeeeeeit.

basically, if you dont do a job/work in a long time, you start to feel INCAPABLE of doing a job, that you dont have what it TAKES to do a job.

if you havent had secs in 10 years, you begin to feel you dont have WHAT IT TAKES to have secs with women. or you have permanently LOST what it takes.

i dont care too much about secs, but i DO care about Having What It Takes to Get Secs, when its Game Time and I find a mother of my children material of woman!!!!!

When you havent had a Trad Monog LTR with a woman ever, you begin to feel like you are missing What It Takes to have a Trad Monog LTR with a woman!

Feels Bad Man!

hehe he will probably get TORN APART for “wanting to make it a little painful for her” oh you evil evil evil horrible person!

actually a fairly decent good thread, would recommend

the idea that the outside world finds you worthless. the real world. The Market finds you worthless and unemployable. Women find you worthless and uncommit-to-able. this stream of negative thoughts is what causes despair and it must be stopped. and not with recreational drugs. but what about MJ? hehehehe.

sheeeeit. wife cant hide her CHEATING because the guy DIED and she was devastated by it, and this is how her hubby finds out. cheatin bitches, nothing sacred hehehe.

i bet all the people telling him not to get a paternity test are WOMEN. hahahaha. women WOULD say some bullshit like that.

i accept that you can luv kids who are not biologically yours…….but i claim that you need to know. because you deserve to know if YOUR legacy is continuing. you are entitled to WANT biological children of your own.

tried to listen to evoken “antithesis of light” and, just like the last time i tried listening to it, i was like, this is ok, its doomy and slow and dark and  i like the drums and this guy really does have good craig pillard esque lowass growling vocals which i really like (interestingly enough pillard actually joined the band for one album but he never did his classic lowass growls tho! just played bass. also i like craig pillard because he is an outspoken pro-white. or at least he used to be and i hope he still is!)

and the drums sounded good but god damn the songs did not hit me the same way as the songs on their previous albums. the riffcraft was not as compelling. a few cool riffs and a lot of that disembowelmentesque clean ethereal guitar over heavy slow riffs, i like that, but…….i dunno the songs just dont seem as good as on the albums before it, and this is the same impression i got of this album every time i tried listening to it, and then i stopped following evoken and they have 2 albums AFTER this!!!!!! but i want to give them more chances, i really do, they are good bois, they dindu nuffin.

you know that feel when somebody asks you a question or gives you a problem that is WAY ABOVE YOUR PAY GRADE? well now imagine that its STILL your job to fix the problem, and the people whos pay grade it IS, are gonna fight you and your client tooth and nail to PROVE that its really above your pay grade. just believe me when i say i can’t do this!!!!

but then again i tend to underestimate myself and think i am incapable of a LOT!

ok we need no explanation or qualification of how mgla is a great band, but KSM needs a little more luv. Also this album sounds a lot different than KSM’s “enemy of man” and is very blasting, raw, fast, savage, does not really sound like mgla at all, whereas i guess “enemy of man” sound more mglalike. plus this is just a great drummer and it is nice just to listen to him play. and to GOMAD like he does here. i am not sure its the same singer though.

heh. i was in ARBYS getting sum ROASTIES and there was the cutest 18 year old gurl in the world working there. snow white skin, super light blond hair, i mean she was super blond. and just ridiculously, insanely cute, like real aryan tradwives in wheatfields tier, i cant believe such a gurl EXISTS at the ARBYS 1 mile away from my home!

i mean she was YOUNG though, 18 at the OLDEST. I mean I had to take a step back and pick my jaw off the ground. I was BOWLED OVER. IMPRESSED. turned into total mush at this sight of this TEEN GURL. an 18 year old gurl reducing a 35 year old man to Jelly heehehehehe.

No I am not 35 but I use that as an approximation of my age, I am close enough to 35.

” I personally hold strongly that part of the goal of a marriage is to be one another’s moral partners ” says glassisnotglass on

i thought that was a very interesting thing of them to say, and I probably agree.

heh. HOW COME it takes till age 25 for women to “figure out what they want???” It doesnt take MEN till age 25. it didnt take me. this is setting the bar very low and encouraging bad behavior from women.

some stupid reddit thing about a 23 year old woman acting like a 12 year old, and tons of people are saying, well what do you expect, shes onyl 23. NO EXCUSE. YOU SHOULDNT BE THAT IMMATURE AT AGE 23. YOU SHOULD BE MARRIED WITH 2 CHILDREN AT LEAST.

signed into my old twitter for the first time in 3 years and see real life people i used to know literally saying antiwhite shit. like these crazy WHITE PEOPLE. UGH. OLD WHITE PEOPLE. Trump supporters. UGH. these WHITE people are SO UGH. YOURE WHITE YA MORON!!!!!!! these WHITE people calling other white people WHITE as a pejorative. like UGH. so DUMB and RACIST and WORKING CLASS and UNEDUCATED and AFRAID and INSECURE. WHITE PEOPLE SUCK.

these are real people. who were close friends with people i was close friends with. who get a masters degree and a decent middle class job. this is the type of shit they say to sound funny or smart.

even this other guy who trolls feminists and would be a good MGTOW candidate, white people are still UGH to him. even though he could potentially be red pilled on women.

but if youre 31 years old and not red pilled on WOMEN yet, you will never be red pilled on ANYTHING.

people really close to my age are so blue pilled and lame and antiwhite hahaha. the YOUNGER kids, there is actual potential there. people my age are the lamest, antiwhitest, SHITLIBS you could imagine.

the world is not overly white!!!!!! ever heard of africa, asia, middle east, south america? whites are already a MINORITY in the WORLD!!!!!!

or OH GOD I HAVE 1 out of 1000 FB friends is a TRUMP SUPPORTER!!!!!!! it prob wasnt a very close friend either. these people are less tolerant than ME, the 1488 GTKRWN White Supremacist!!!!!

“joking” about being able to spot trump supporters just by looking at a room of random people. they are probably white and fat. like you hahahahahahaha. but dont make stupid antiwhite jokes on twitter.

he has a kid and luvs being a dad and is puzzled that people under 25 are so antinatalist because having a kid is really awesome! which would be awesome if……..his kid were white. yep. white guy with a mixed baby who makes antiwhite jokes all the time and its more than just jokes, he is a true believer in diversity, and that whites have done enough harm. its time to take your final lap whites and get ready to retire. we’ve have enough of whites.

this is literally how these WHITE PEOPLE think. they admit that whites are evil, whites are bad, don’t lump ME in with white people, i might be white but I admit white people have done more harm than good, and THATS WHY diversity is good, because it DECREASES THE NUMBER OF WHITE PEOPLE. WHITES ARE BAD, SO ITS GOOD TO HAVE LESS WHITES. get rid of the whites, theyve DONE ENOUGH DAMAGE. good god.

uhhh way to assume all working class shop rats in a particular large industry dislike  barry. pretty sure they would vote for barry or hillary because they are lazy union scumdogs that are 50% nonwhite. but in the white antiwhites mind, all working class people are White Trump Supporting Racists. uhhh youre forgetting about all the NONWHITE working class people ya moron.  you think theyre voting for trump?

this is honestly a nice good decent guy so I can’t Curse him too much, but my god. his ideology makes me more sick than myideology would make him sick.  and he lives muh dream of having a good job and having a wife and being a father. i dont even doubt his nonwhite wife is a good person but i still wish he married a white woman and had a white baby and wasnt so god damn disgusting antiwhite! youre WHITE! just accept it! embrace it! learn to love your whiteness!

laugh at the jimmy buffet listening white people getting cray to their white people music! YOU ARE WHITE!!!!

its like they FORGET THAT THEY ARE WHITE, talking about white people LIKE YOU ARENT WHITE.

no they dont forget it. this is just their way of signaling that they arent like this. that they arent proud of being white. whites are a JOKE.

Literally 20% of his tweets are making fun of white people or whiteness. no other racial groups. just whites. ok its probably more like 10% but its a CONSISTENT 10%. sure enough, there’s another white joke in with the random jokes about your baby or food or funny stuff at work or whatever.

well i guess its more interesting than the other poeple who tweet about SPORTSBALL hehehehe. YAWN.

none of the people on my “real life men” list could be considered even slightly right of center. or even center. ALL leftists. well to be fair its the one guy doing the tweeting. i mean there is lotta twitter attrition here.

i made a separate list for women because literally EVERYTHING they say is stupid, so i didnt want to read them any more. again they would all be leftists but thats the default state for young tweeting women.

ok done with that bullshit. it is AMAZING how different i am from these people. and i LIKE being different. i WANT to stand up for my own side. I WANT To defend whites. i am seriously PRO-white. I dont throw MY people under the bus.  i dont make fun of whites. i seriously stand for and with Working Class Whites.

i dont blindly suck trumps dick but i HAVE to vote for him because he says ANYTHING supportive of working class whites!

these other whites have nothing but CONTEMPT for working class whites!!!!!

so dissapointing and sad. i mean this guy is smart, he’s actually funny, he’s a nice guy. he didnt HAVE to turn out like this. i mean i dont HATE him. I dont HATE his nonwhite wife and kid. i just have to shake my head. SMH.

yet more evidence that I REALLY need to go to pro white meetups and meet other pro white real life people. i HAVE to.

or at least find people i already know who already have pro-white inklings.

and its disappointing when the white poeple you know DONT have these inklings, in fact they make anti white jokes, and truly believe that Whites Have Done Enough Harm, Its Time To Go Now, Buh Bye Whites.

this is THE underlying belief, which makes debating nonwhites pointless.

basically: whites have power, nonwhites dont, whites have used their power to oppress nonwhites, and this reign of terror is starting to crumble and come to and end, and that’s a good thing! it’s GOOD when white population declines! Good! whites are a net negative, a cancer of humanity, whites have done more harm than good, ITS TIME FOR THEM TO GO. and WHTE PEOPLE BELIEVE THIS FULLY.

no its not fair for whites to protect themselves, because whites are OBJECTIVELY EVIL! whites are the most harmful race! its ONLY FAIR that whites pay the karmic price by dying off! Good!

this is LITERALLY how these people think! and it makes me sick!

well at least i got 5 applications done today, havent gotten 5 in at LEAST a week. spread them out all throughout the day. took the edge off by playing cards WHILE doing the application. or, intentionally doing the app slowly and not quickly, even if it would skew my numbers. so then i took the slow time and just took 10%-15% off of it. i guess i could also just input the Current Average of 13 minutes. or how about 14 or 15.

sept 23

received rejection from post office job today that i interviewed for like 3 months ago. for the PSE mail processing clerk. funny that i was actually offered a carrier job but not the processing job.

and i turned down the carrier offer because of shit i read online hahahaha. i still dont feel too bad about that hahahaha.

but i still feel incapable of doing/handling just about any job!

how come SHE can handle a job but I cant?

note: these thoughts dont seem to bother me as much as they once did, thank GOD.

but, how come any random NORMIE can handle a job but I cant? is the more general version of that thought.

heh. so whites are responsible for most of the INJUSTICE in the world and therefore we need to balance out the balance sheet. whites still have a DEBT TO PAY. thats why they mock them and like it when whites fade away.

i need to really start socialising with white people who are proud to be white hahahaha.

not that i really hang out with whites who mock whites anyway! these people I see on twitter, i dont really see them in RL anymore. i will see people like this only very occasionally. the people i see most regularly are not nearly this bad, hahahahaha. thank GOD.

but i would STILL like to hang out with people who are blatantly pro-white, like me hahahaha.

so, WHITES deserve to lose power because they have been so UNJUST and OPPRESSIVE for HUNDREDS OF YEARS. They brought this on themselves. They are the Douchebro race and now they need to learn that they cant act like that without consequence. have to be held accountable.

this is exactly the antiwhite view, its so simple, and we would do well to remind ourselves of it. you cant logic with these people. you cant change them or redpill them or chip away at them. they are basically hopeless race traitors hahahaha.

but yeah debating THEM is useless but like bulbasaur says, its more useful for the listening audience, to chip away at the people who actually are on the fence.

sometimes people adopt certain personas to fit in or make friends, indeed i was like that. when i was 20 i was a huge antiwhite leftist who thought that mocking the ebil whites was a way to make friends with the cool leftist kids and maybe win the approval of the qt leftist gurls (at leftist university, all the gurls were leftist).

but that was when i was 20! these people are not 20 any more!

so i thank GOD that I became woke by age 30 hahahaha. this guy on twitter is not, and never will be. you find a 30 year old that is talking like this, its pretty hopeless. and they have children. and will teach their children this crap.

are there any people that people redpilled AFTER they have children? i think some guys on the fatherland actually were. actually i think having children starts the redpilling for some people. well good for them. they were probably on the fence anyway, or werent blatantly antiwhite to begin with.

i will do everything i can to live out the 14 words, but it still is VERY frustrating to think that I dont Have What It Takes to have my OWN white children.

i mean if shit is mostly genetic, i should be able to have children with a white skank, and abandon them, and they will prob still turn out all right…..right?

but its patently horrible to abandon your children, and i wouldnt really want to do that.

and i dont really WANT to have children with a white trash skank!!!!

but if thats my only option to have children? you cant live in a fantasy world, you gotta live in the REAL world hehehehe.

so yeah i guess my plan is, if i havent had children by age 50, then just go the desperate plan z route of knocking up basically any white woman that will take me.

but that child would be MISERABLE!!!!!!!

heh. i remember when i was on facebook. like 7 years ago. i would get triggered by the stupid annoying things people would say, especially women. i just wanted to get away from it all. so i did. years later i brought back facebook and only had 7 friends this time. basically people who did not post annoying stupid shit and were trusted long term fairly special friends. that worked out ok until i friended THat Woman hahahaha and so i have deactivated this FB for the past 14 months hehehe.

but seeing that guys shitty twitter just made me think, damn, facebook is EVEN WORSE. even MORE idiots saying even MORE stupid shit. and i was GLAD I didnt have to put up with that….. but i was also frustrated because maybe this means i am too easily triggered and cant DEAL with real life people!!!!!!!

well being annoyed by peoples stupid political and moral opinions on facebook is nothing new. normies get annoyed at this too. they just dont have the BALLS to cut off fb entirely like me hahahahaha.

yeah i mean i do like seeing pictures of muh friends beautiful white children.

but everyone I know has my email address and phone number. I check email 1488 times a day. its always open. its open right now. i get 1488 job alerts a day. i just looked at email right now.

you can search my name on google and find my linkedin and twitter pages, which have my email on them. my phone number is available to connections on my linkedin page.

i dont NEED facebook in other words.

why would you “DATE” somebody if “its not a serious relationship?” where date obviously means casually fooking. i swear it is the stupid WOMEN who ruin reddit with their womanly bullshit.

the things they advise, if a guy actually was like that, they would dump him quickly. they view kindness and respect as weakness. and actual weakness they view as worse than abuse or stalking or raep.

comedy. i used to be much more into comedy. well, my good friend was really into comedy and he is a great guy and i supported him and felt i had a somewhat similar appreciation for comedy and comedians, actually smart funny good comedians vs bad comedians, comic timing, what makes something funny, etc.

as i have become more 1488 i have become less tolerant of comedians. i guess louis ck is a great example of the change i’ve gone through. he’s new enough that he was never grandfathered in in my youth. he started gaining a reputation as a smart person’s comedian and writer. i sort of appreciate his Depth of Character Development, which is above average…..but he’s still a cuckold phaggot. I watch his stuff sometimes with some interest. he’s smart enough to know better, so its disappointing to see him ultimately be a big blue pill jooish phaggot. and really he’s nly 25% jooish. but he seems like way more hahahaha.

like i was watching this show on fx “better things” which he is the co creator of, along with the female star, who was actually the voice of bobby on king of the hill. here she plays a degenerate single mother actress mudshark basket case skank with an alcoholic skank single mother herself. no positive masculine characters. all the females are stronk independent fragile basket case skanks. it totally makes sense to have louis ck in on this, and its pretty disgusting.

you can do better louis, just dont be such a weak degen. but he wont, i am confident in that. so into the oven he goes.

and its very similar with all of tv, movies, hollywood, etc. its all jooish degen, and has been well before 1965. hollywood has been jooish even since like 1920 hahahahaha.

so what. whos a good comedian? george carlin? bill hicks? they seem edgy but really its just basic bitch libertarian bullshit, and that’s just not good enough.

yet when i was 23 and met a super qt 20 year old gurl who actually knew and liked bill hicks, i thought oooooo this gurl is so special. normie gurls dont even know who bill hicks is.

of course she turned out to be a crazy mudshark slut, and thankfully i quickly got over my infatuation with her. seeing a 2015 tweet from her (not a frequent tweeter but im sure she is a mad FBer) shows that she essentially supports BLM, hates cops, thinks cops are The White Man oppressing and killing Blacks, and also guns are bad too.

at age 29 this girly leftism becomes a lot less cute than at age 20, and i have some schadenfreude as she rapidly approaches The Wall with no husband, no children, because guess what cupcake: YOU ARENT GOOD WIFE MATERIAL.

you cant get down on women for being leftist though, women are natural leftists. it’s the man’s job to guide them to the right.

still, does that mean women HAVE TO express their dumb stupid leftist opinions? why cant they just be more Apolitical????? Apolitical is ideal.

indeed, not all people express stupid opinions on fb or twitter or whatever.

some of them have Anonymous Blogs where they write 148800000000 word posts on far right stuff and traditional values. find me that woman hahahaha. no jk. in a woman, thats just weird. for a man, well, then i would like to hang out with that guy!

and thats obviously what i need to do ASAP. meet more real life white men with Racially Woke Far Right Wing views and morals like me.

i kinda am interested in getting a part time ABA autism job. just to see what its like. i dont have that kind of curiosity for other shitty jobs hahaha. and all the ABA jobs are part time, low paying, low qualifications, low bar, seems like it would be easy for a dumb ingra woman to get hahahahaha so why not me. well thats presumptuous, i have interviewed for SEVERAL part time 11 dollar an hour jobs and not gotten an offer!

i could say i have autism myself. no i just have terrible social anxiety. big difference hhahaha.

hehehehehehehehe  this young man of 26 he is way younger than me AND he has a gf who doesnt dump him because he is at a deadend job making shit money and he is unhappy and so why doesnt she dump him because to keep a woman you have to be in charge and happy all the fookin time. and the second you have a low phase and ask them can i lean on you for some moral support, they say nope dont be so insecure needy and clingy, im gone, this is your fault for pushing me too much. hahahahahaha

heh. so a person goes to the dr to ask for some benzos because they are scared of flying, doc says ok fine, gives them <10 xanax.

this is a lot different than someone who says holy fook i need benzos to go to my job EVERY DAY because im so freaked out by my JOB EVERY DAY.

the guy who freaks out on planes does NOT freak out about his job. he survives his job quite easily, makes 40k+ a year, goes out and socializes on work nights, gets 6 hours of sleep tops, and doesnt mind. doesnt freak out.  wouldnt THINK of taking benzos for the job.

and i think OH GOD I NEED BENZOS JUST TO SURVIVE EACH DAY AT THE JOB.

now i didnt really. i got like 6 months prescription of benzos but just hoarded them. in hindsight i wish i HAD taken them on the job. but I was worried about Seemed Stoned to everybody, so I just continued to freak out and not take them, except on weekends sometimes, just to take the edge off.

today is friday night, party time, took half dose of nyquil, my go to party drug. wish i had a big bag of indica MJ, then i would smoke that hehehe.

woo hoo got 6 applications in today. got about 250 calories over my goal tho. but i wanted to get at least 5 applications today in order to feel like a basic human being. and i did hehehe. even as the nyquil is making my thinking less sharp hehehe.  also my apps are getting longer and bringing my average up. I remember when I was at like 12.9 minutes. now i am at like 13.3 minutes. not cool man!

i guess i am a little jealous of women. they can get a Trad Monog LTR even if they are totally crazy, “babies give me a mental breakdown, and im also suicidal.” a MAN this crazy would be a foreveralone virgin, compounding his suizidality.

but again we know the reason why. power of the uterus. so it is only RIGHT that any woman, even a crazy one, doesnt need to make a HUGE EFFORT to get a man, and can still easily get a man even with HUGE DEALBREAKERS.

this woman is so crazy that “babies make me want to K myself” good LORD.

hehehehe. theses STUPID ARGUMENTS that the WOMEN START. we never got to that point. she would just dump me long before it got to this point hahahaha.

i have an anxious attachment style, she has an avoidant attachment style hahahaha. maybe i need another anxious person hahaha.

i know you have to put in LOTS of applications before you get a job, and it ALWAYS takes LONGER than you think…..but HOW long? HOW many applications? over a year? over 500 applications?

yeah sure i should get WAY more than 500 applications in a year, but I was really lazy and shitty for the first 6 months of that hahahahaha. so yeah i could get more like 800 applications in a year.

 

THE TIME HAS COME WHERE I/YOU NEED TO MEET NEW WOMEN

for sat april 15

now: sept 6 2016

sept 7 2016

sheeeeeeeeeeeeeit.

yeah i have been physically not too great, mentally/emo not too great either since coming back from muh “vacation.” hehehehe. when I got back I promptly went to bed for 16 hours. the next day I was still tired and had aches and pains all over the body. i had done some lifting and carrying of stuff but it really didnt seem bad enough to produce such soreness!

also had annoying borderline water faucet colon which i usually only get in the morning after drinking a lot of coffee too fast, but here it lasted all day and that was very annoying. couldnt even enjoy a nice powerwalk without thinking im gonna shart muh pants.

have been getting sharper “carpal tunnel” pains lately. this has been going on for at least a year but the last couple days its been more noticeable. it is honestly probably enough to get me a medical MJ recommendation for “chronic pain”!!!!! not even joking.

was taking pepto bismol which usually helps with the watery #2’s, but didnt seem to help much yesterday. at the end of the day was very tired. not just low energy, but darn exhausted, even though i hadn’t done anything. slept pretty well again but could have slept longer if i hadnt forced self.

yassss got new shoes from zappos, they seem to fit well. i mean my current shoes are just terrible. they are SO worn down, but really all on one side, so the shoes are very lopsided and diagonal and that cant be good for the foot.  i mean i should have upgraded these shoes months ago. i hope i havent done permanent damage hahahaha. basically i am an overpronator and the outside of the shoe gets worn down much much much more.

but yeah i just felt like i was 80 years old hahahaha.

THANK GOD for the new shoes though. this is my typical thing though. wait way too long to replace stuff that should be replaced. or get haircut. or clothes.

honestly cant stop pooping. this is ridiculous.

new shoes feel gr8! that is awesome. very good. THANK GOD. because this is a privilege most people dont have. buying new shoes when they need them.

yeah so i wore the shoes and took a 3.2 mile walk and the shoes were great.

388 days since i sent her the last contact. i figure 400 days is a nice round number. nicer than 365. but a YEAR is a nice round period of time. why arent years 400 days hahahaha.

422 days since i last talked to her, abotu 419 days since i last SAW her.

theres a thought that I should address Muh Egregious Red Flag Employment Gap in muh cover letter. I am open to doing this.

fdfdfgfg

hg

hgh

ghghghgh

ok. gave this one a try because i liked the cover art hahahaha. wanted to see how the production and songwriting compares to “ashes against the grain.” there seems to be more blasting in a blatant black metal style on Marrow of the spirit, so, I like that. now the SOUND on MOTS is really interesting. I think I like it, it’s definitely provocative so yeah that’s good. the drums sound a little weird and the guitars sound very “warm” and fuzzy. the whole thing sounds rawer and more underproduced than I was expecting, not in a bad way of course.

it sounds like they intentionally tried to make their sound more “raw” or “live” or “organic”, and in theory, I am always in support of this.

heh. finally applied for job. 30k county job. i prefer to apply for the 26k county jobs, but i have gotten interviewed for a 42k county job!

i want to work for you because you have a MF day shift, weekends off, no overtime, 37.5 hour work week, and bennies. so its a good fit for me because i dont handle stress or pressure well hahahahahaha. or customers. thats why i have to be high on xanax all day at work hahahahahaha.

no obviously i don’t actually often USE benzos. i brought 3 valiums with me to our little vacation, and i completely FORGOT about them. sheeeeit. they may have come in handy when i was freaking out because of the MJ! which is the entire reason I brought the valium!!!!!

i am very close to the cusp of focusing hardcore on temp/staffing agencies. recruiters for temp jobs.

because the only people that will “take a chance” on such a RISKY person as me, are the absolutely bottom of the barrel shittiest jobs that will hire ANYONE……or MAYBE jobs where the job contract is limited. temporary. finite. temp. if the person sucks, they will be gone soon.

also if i go a week without an interview, the confidence def goes down. as you get 2 or 3 rejection emails a day hahahaha.

heh. if i got rejected by WOMEN like this, I would have even less confidence hahahaha.

or maybe i just wouldnt care and would bullshit the things i am supposed to bullshit to get women to spread for muh dick hahahahahaha. maybe it would actually be EASIER.

yeah that sounds woman hating, but You Women really DO give it up to easily and don’t have the appropriate RESPECT for SECS, like your biological role in secs. I dont NEED to have as much respect for secs, because men just dump sperm. the costs and risks and responsibilities are much higher for women. RESPECT that.

ok forced my way thru 2 applications. again i am getting discouraged here so i am not applying to “reach” stuff with muh dream orgs unless they are fairly low paying…..and of course these jobs skew towards high paying.

unbelievable. company sending a pdf for me to complete…..but its not an editable pdf. they literally want me to print it out, fill it out by hand, then scan it, then send THAT pdf back. this is a fairly big company where that shit is blatantly embarrassing.

so instead I am converting the pdf to a jpg and trying to edit it in paint. not working so well. with the text boxes and shit.

this is truly a very good album!

it took me basically the whole album just to fill out that shit. using pixlr to add text boxes, rasterize, and draw little circles. unbelievable. they are looking for skills in VISIO and PROJECT which i technically have hahaha yet their goddam Talent Acquisition Team can’t make a pdf editable. absolutely disgraceful. See, I would volunteer my personal time after work to make the pdf editable so they wouldnt have to pay me for that work.

plus i get to show extreme ingenuity and cleverness and problem solving with this pdf to jpg, pixlr, jpg to pdf nonsense, hahahaha. sending them back a pdf that was 8 times larger in size than the one they sent me hahahaha.

because they couldnt do any of this with plain text, saying, answer all of these questions in your reply email. nooooooo that would be too easy.

or god forbid have something in the taleo applicant tracking system THEY ALREADY HAVE AND USE.

but yeah. then they wanted me to explain in the REPLY EMAIL any Gaps in the past 7 years, and also all Reasons For Separation in the past 7 years. I guess I should be glad they didnt ask for 20 years!

but this implies they are gonna read the email……so why demand the shitty, shitty pdf as well?

just to make shit more difficult and weed out the weak.

so I will be PISSED if this doesnt result in an interview.

i added an extra 20 minutes to the spreadsheet for the amount of time it took to apply for this job.

thinking SEARS might be a better place than jcpenneys for me hahahaha.

just looking for t-shirts that have like STRIPES or patterns or some shit, that is not a damn “graphic tee.”

something that is more interesting than just a solid color t shirt, which is what i usually wear, but that is kinda boring!

interesting. what gets me most worked about That Woman is not really thoughts of her spending time and being nice to other men, and loving them and cuddling with them, but really the more x rated stuff, like her sucking dick, fooking her, her sitting on their face and them licking her asshole, hahahahahahahaha. banging her from behind, banging her from the front, tongue in the mouth, her sighing and breathing heavy and getting juice all over. that real porno stuff, which isnt even all porno stuff, but actual real life secs stuff. that is what gets me angery.

that is the sort of stuff that gets me all hot and bothered!

anyway of course i should not be thinking about it at all.

but yeah i have no interest in other women. occasionally i will see a young qt i want to bang but not super often. and i would STILL want to bang HER moar!!!!!!

stupid shit really.

basically i cant ever imagine WANTING another woman as much as her, and also that i will never STOP wanting her!

i mean yeah it has gotten better. and yeah i DID eventually stop wanting those other women. it just took like 2 years hahahaha. and it hasnt been 2 years with this woman yet.

just no interest in women other than to maybe opportunistically bang unmarriageable sluts. great. and never fully exorcise the memory of HER. because I always got along with HER best, we had the most special best connection.

yeah well if it was so good, how come she couldnt even send me a damn text message and just say awwwww im sorry ok now im blocking you sorry.

or have her family or our mutual friend send that message to me for her.

but yeah that connection! even if it was just for me. how am I ever gonna feel that way about someone else ever again? and that is what I WANT to feel for muh wife, the mother of muh children!

yeah it def was the worst heartbreak.

the OBVIOUS ANSWER to how do i forget about HER is……….MEET NEW WOMEN!!!!!!!!!! THE TIME HAS COME where I NEED to MEET NEW WOMEN!!!!!!!!

of coursh I have never ever really liked meeting new people. it is not fun. men or women.

some people, normies and chads, actually LIKE meeting new people and think its FUN.

i have no interest in meeting people unless its a young woman and they are qt and seem NICE.

how hard is it to be nice? not very, but many people seem to think so.

hearing about this guys GF who is like 19 years old and NOBODY likes her. she has “no personality”.

i thought, so what if she has “no personality,” That Woman didn’t have much of a personality, usually if a woman has a strong personality, that means she’s bitchy and obnoxious. no thank you. just have a not-strong personality and be nice. be pleasant. i’m thinking this young girl is both no personality AND not really nice or pleasant either. jeeeez. how unpleasant do you have to be as a 19 year old gurl to have nobody like you??!?!?!?! also I have heard she is not terribly good looking either.

meanwhile i found, once upon a time, a nice, qt, woman that everybody liked because she was NICE and had a GOOD personality.

with men its harder. you have to have an ACTUAL personality, and NOT Just Be Nice. i guess I cant be mad about that, thats just nature.

https://bu.reddit.com/r/relationships/comments/51tj9x/me_23_m_with_my_ex_girlfriend_22_f_for_about_2/

dramatic breakup story, he cant get over ex, who blocked him, but they had their problems, also she talked to him a lot more and prob would have been willing to give him some closure

spet 9

well i have learned from /r/relships/ that women indeed have some agency and are not to be regarded as total BABIES.

(every single attractive young woman on linkedin is a GOD DAMN RECRUITER.)

anyway, not to get off on a tangent, basically, the leftist scum of reddit insists that women are not powerless infants and indeed they DO have some responsibilities. well of COURSE they would think that tho! they like powerful independent wimmin!

but yeah you hear stories where women actually do stuff, put in an effort, or in some cases, stalk the guy, or get needy or clingy, texting the guy, getting jealous, getting heartbroken. i guess its nice to know that women are CAPABLE of this!

or just basically that they are willing to talk to you when they are dumping you and to say sorry and to be conscious that them dumping you is gonna hurt you and they are making some token effort to mitigate some of that hurt!

also the idea that the solution is pretty obvious (dump that b and run away!!!!) and the Bad Guy is pretty obvious.

i just hate being the Bad Guy because I couldnt understand Space.

but i dont think it was that simple either. i think any mature person would say SPACE ISNT AN EXCUSE TO AVOID DEALING WITH THE SITUATION. SPACE ISNT AN EXCUSE TO NEVER COMMUNICATE.

i think i already made that a post title. or something very close to it hahahaha.

so basically when a woman has secs quickly, she is saying “MY VALUES ARE COMPLETELY DIFFERENT THAN YOURS.”  so maybe its a stage. but why should the stage be like 10 years long or 15 years or whatever? thats a pretty long stage. too long for me.

ok applied for us army job. they have a big facility which employs a lot of people in the area with damn good 35k jobs like this one.

an open relationship will NEVER work if BOTH people dont agree about wanting it. period. it HAS to be completely mutual and UNANIMOUS.

of course at least 80% of Breakups are not unanimous, but they dont need to be. it would be nice if they were!

SHOW ME I MEANT ANYTHING TO YOU!!!!!

welp at 399 jobs now, should prob make the big 400th a good one. i think we decided not too long ago to make 500 the new goal.

i mean i have a hard time with jobs. bullshitting my way and figuring out what to do in tough confusing situations. figuring out how to do and handle my job. figuring out how to fix problems and what to say to frustrated customers who are counting on me to fix their problem…….and i really dont know what im doing. i feel incompetent because I AM incompetent and its inherently stressful to try to serve people when you ARE incompetent. because you ABSOLUTELY do not feel free to make mistakes or fail, because someone is basically gonna insult your intelligence.

in school it was ok to make mistakes, because only your grade suffered, and only a little bit, and you could always ask questions without being bitched at and treated like someone who should be fired.

how did that woman do it? oh yeah she just went with the flow. great advice, you horrible person hahahahahaha.

fookin captain obvious. fookin captain obviously easier said than done. jeeeeeez.

also reading /r/rels you see how FLAKY women are. they will just give up on you for the stupidest shittiest reasons and there is nothing you can do about it. because you have to respect their wishes that they dont care about you any more and dont want to do anything to work on things.

where do you go for nondegenerate dating advice? actually /r/rels is pretty good…..BUT they are degen on things like open rels, or being a SLUT. i guess I am just happy that they view Cheating as a Bad Thing. but yeah they dont view having a Super Promiscuous Slut Past as being a bad thing. when it totally is.

and i dont want to go to a christian thing, again. because I want YOU to understand why being a slut is wrong, not just because of muh good book or muh jeebus. which are all great things mind you, but it honestly seems………MORALLY LAZY!!!!!! to have muh jeebus be your answer to all moral questions.

but i dont like atheists. but do i like a devout blind faith type person better than an atheist? probably.

ideal would be a person like me: someone who wants to have faith but is just filled with tons of doubt.

and a woman who just thinks casual sex is GROSS or SLUTTY, and SLUTTY is BAD. I dont wanna be an icky gross SLUT. SLUTS ARE GROSS, she says. I would never want to be gross like that.

and she said that! she had an appropriate sense of DISGUST and DISDAIN 4 SLUTS!!!!

if i even have to mansplain it…….that stuffing a guys dick in your mouf and babymaker, who you dont even know this guy, you just met him a few days ago…if i have to mansplain why that is disgusting, then you are too far gone.

and 90% of women are too far gone hahahahahaha.

might have a little nyquil today, go for walk after, go to bed early.

called this auto service place for recall notice and actually got scheduled to get that fixed. so that was an accomplishment hahaha.

heh. you know how some people “break up” but theyre not really “borken up” because they are still hanging out, fooking, texting hahahaha. sometimes even the gurl initiates, decides she doesnt want to be totally done with the guy, and presents herself to be fooked. can’t say that happened to me hahahaha.

basically, if she had ANY desire to talk to me……..SHE WOULD HAVE.

WOMEN ARE ACTUALLY CAPABLE OF DOING THINGS, the reddit has taught me.

but its easy to think they aren’t, when you have a case where the woman does ABSOLUTELY NOTHING. you think, are ALL women like that? I HOPE not all women are like that!!!!!!!! but i dont know enough women to tell. so then its GOOD to read these stories and anecdotes.

AYOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO I have just gone from a floundering seal to a baby seal on SwC poker hahahahaha. this is a YUGE deal, its taken me like 2 years to get to this point.