THE TIME HAS COME WHERE I/YOU NEED TO MEET NEW WOMEN

for sat april 15

now: sept 6 2016

sept 7 2016

sheeeeeeeeeeeeeit.

yeah i have been physically not too great, mentally/emo not too great either since coming back from muh “vacation.” hehehehe. when I got back I promptly went to bed for 16 hours. the next day I was still tired and had aches and pains all over the body. i had done some lifting and carrying of stuff but it really didnt seem bad enough to produce such soreness!

also had annoying borderline water faucet colon which i usually only get in the morning after drinking a lot of coffee too fast, but here it lasted all day and that was very annoying. couldnt even enjoy a nice powerwalk without thinking im gonna shart muh pants.

have been getting sharper “carpal tunnel” pains lately. this has been going on for at least a year but the last couple days its been more noticeable. it is honestly probably enough to get me a medical MJ recommendation for “chronic pain”!!!!! not even joking.

was taking pepto bismol which usually helps with the watery #2’s, but didnt seem to help much yesterday. at the end of the day was very tired. not just low energy, but darn exhausted, even though i hadn’t done anything. slept pretty well again but could have slept longer if i hadnt forced self.

yassss got new shoes from zappos, they seem to fit well. i mean my current shoes are just terrible. they are SO worn down, but really all on one side, so the shoes are very lopsided and diagonal and that cant be good for the foot.  i mean i should have upgraded these shoes months ago. i hope i havent done permanent damage hahahaha. basically i am an overpronator and the outside of the shoe gets worn down much much much more.

but yeah i just felt like i was 80 years old hahahaha.

THANK GOD for the new shoes though. this is my typical thing though. wait way too long to replace stuff that should be replaced. or get haircut. or clothes.

honestly cant stop pooping. this is ridiculous.

new shoes feel gr8! that is awesome. very good. THANK GOD. because this is a privilege most people dont have. buying new shoes when they need them.

yeah so i wore the shoes and took a 3.2 mile walk and the shoes were great.

388 days since i sent her the last contact. i figure 400 days is a nice round number. nicer than 365. but a YEAR is a nice round period of time. why arent years 400 days hahahaha.

422 days since i last talked to her, abotu 419 days since i last SAW her.

theres a thought that I should address Muh Egregious Red Flag Employment Gap in muh cover letter. I am open to doing this.

fdfdfgfg

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ok. gave this one a try because i liked the cover art hahahaha. wanted to see how the production and songwriting compares to “ashes against the grain.” there seems to be more blasting in a blatant black metal style on Marrow of the spirit, so, I like that. now the SOUND on MOTS is really interesting. I think I like it, it’s definitely provocative so yeah that’s good. the drums sound a little weird and the guitars sound very “warm” and fuzzy. the whole thing sounds rawer and more underproduced than I was expecting, not in a bad way of course.

it sounds like they intentionally tried to make their sound more “raw” or “live” or “organic”, and in theory, I am always in support of this.

heh. finally applied for job. 30k county job. i prefer to apply for the 26k county jobs, but i have gotten interviewed for a 42k county job!

i want to work for you because you have a MF day shift, weekends off, no overtime, 37.5 hour work week, and bennies. so its a good fit for me because i dont handle stress or pressure well hahahahahaha. or customers. thats why i have to be high on xanax all day at work hahahahahaha.

no obviously i don’t actually often USE benzos. i brought 3 valiums with me to our little vacation, and i completely FORGOT about them. sheeeeit. they may have come in handy when i was freaking out because of the MJ! which is the entire reason I brought the valium!!!!!

i am very close to the cusp of focusing hardcore on temp/staffing agencies. recruiters for temp jobs.

because the only people that will “take a chance” on such a RISKY person as me, are the absolutely bottom of the barrel shittiest jobs that will hire ANYONE……or MAYBE jobs where the job contract is limited. temporary. finite. temp. if the person sucks, they will be gone soon.

also if i go a week without an interview, the confidence def goes down. as you get 2 or 3 rejection emails a day hahahaha.

heh. if i got rejected by WOMEN like this, I would have even less confidence hahahaha.

or maybe i just wouldnt care and would bullshit the things i am supposed to bullshit to get women to spread for muh dick hahahahahaha. maybe it would actually be EASIER.

yeah that sounds woman hating, but You Women really DO give it up to easily and don’t have the appropriate RESPECT for SECS, like your biological role in secs. I dont NEED to have as much respect for secs, because men just dump sperm. the costs and risks and responsibilities are much higher for women. RESPECT that.

ok forced my way thru 2 applications. again i am getting discouraged here so i am not applying to “reach” stuff with muh dream orgs unless they are fairly low paying…..and of course these jobs skew towards high paying.

unbelievable. company sending a pdf for me to complete…..but its not an editable pdf. they literally want me to print it out, fill it out by hand, then scan it, then send THAT pdf back. this is a fairly big company where that shit is blatantly embarrassing.

so instead I am converting the pdf to a jpg and trying to edit it in paint. not working so well. with the text boxes and shit.

this is truly a very good album!

it took me basically the whole album just to fill out that shit. using pixlr to add text boxes, rasterize, and draw little circles. unbelievable. they are looking for skills in VISIO and PROJECT which i technically have hahaha yet their goddam Talent Acquisition Team can’t make a pdf editable. absolutely disgraceful. See, I would volunteer my personal time after work to make the pdf editable so they wouldnt have to pay me for that work.

plus i get to show extreme ingenuity and cleverness and problem solving with this pdf to jpg, pixlr, jpg to pdf nonsense, hahahaha. sending them back a pdf that was 8 times larger in size than the one they sent me hahahaha.

because they couldnt do any of this with plain text, saying, answer all of these questions in your reply email. nooooooo that would be too easy.

or god forbid have something in the taleo applicant tracking system THEY ALREADY HAVE AND USE.

but yeah. then they wanted me to explain in the REPLY EMAIL any Gaps in the past 7 years, and also all Reasons For Separation in the past 7 years. I guess I should be glad they didnt ask for 20 years!

but this implies they are gonna read the email……so why demand the shitty, shitty pdf as well?

just to make shit more difficult and weed out the weak.

so I will be PISSED if this doesnt result in an interview.

i added an extra 20 minutes to the spreadsheet for the amount of time it took to apply for this job.

thinking SEARS might be a better place than jcpenneys for me hahahaha.

just looking for t-shirts that have like STRIPES or patterns or some shit, that is not a damn “graphic tee.”

something that is more interesting than just a solid color t shirt, which is what i usually wear, but that is kinda boring!

interesting. what gets me most worked about That Woman is not really thoughts of her spending time and being nice to other men, and loving them and cuddling with them, but really the more x rated stuff, like her sucking dick, fooking her, her sitting on their face and them licking her asshole, hahahahahahahaha. banging her from behind, banging her from the front, tongue in the mouth, her sighing and breathing heavy and getting juice all over. that real porno stuff, which isnt even all porno stuff, but actual real life secs stuff. that is what gets me angery.

that is the sort of stuff that gets me all hot and bothered!

anyway of course i should not be thinking about it at all.

but yeah i have no interest in other women. occasionally i will see a young qt i want to bang but not super often. and i would STILL want to bang HER moar!!!!!!

stupid shit really.

basically i cant ever imagine WANTING another woman as much as her, and also that i will never STOP wanting her!

i mean yeah it has gotten better. and yeah i DID eventually stop wanting those other women. it just took like 2 years hahahaha. and it hasnt been 2 years with this woman yet.

just no interest in women other than to maybe opportunistically bang unmarriageable sluts. great. and never fully exorcise the memory of HER. because I always got along with HER best, we had the most special best connection.

yeah well if it was so good, how come she couldnt even send me a damn text message and just say awwwww im sorry ok now im blocking you sorry.

or have her family or our mutual friend send that message to me for her.

but yeah that connection! even if it was just for me. how am I ever gonna feel that way about someone else ever again? and that is what I WANT to feel for muh wife, the mother of muh children!

yeah it def was the worst heartbreak.

the OBVIOUS ANSWER to how do i forget about HER is……….MEET NEW WOMEN!!!!!!!!!! THE TIME HAS COME where I NEED to MEET NEW WOMEN!!!!!!!!

of coursh I have never ever really liked meeting new people. it is not fun. men or women.

some people, normies and chads, actually LIKE meeting new people and think its FUN.

i have no interest in meeting people unless its a young woman and they are qt and seem NICE.

how hard is it to be nice? not very, but many people seem to think so.

hearing about this guys GF who is like 19 years old and NOBODY likes her. she has “no personality”.

i thought, so what if she has “no personality,” That Woman didn’t have much of a personality, usually if a woman has a strong personality, that means she’s bitchy and obnoxious. no thank you. just have a not-strong personality and be nice. be pleasant. i’m thinking this young girl is both no personality AND not really nice or pleasant either. jeeeez. how unpleasant do you have to be as a 19 year old gurl to have nobody like you??!?!?!?! also I have heard she is not terribly good looking either.

meanwhile i found, once upon a time, a nice, qt, woman that everybody liked because she was NICE and had a GOOD personality.

with men its harder. you have to have an ACTUAL personality, and NOT Just Be Nice. i guess I cant be mad about that, thats just nature.

https://bu.reddit.com/r/relationships/comments/51tj9x/me_23_m_with_my_ex_girlfriend_22_f_for_about_2/

dramatic breakup story, he cant get over ex, who blocked him, but they had their problems, also she talked to him a lot more and prob would have been willing to give him some closure

spet 9

well i have learned from /r/relships/ that women indeed have some agency and are not to be regarded as total BABIES.

(every single attractive young woman on linkedin is a GOD DAMN RECRUITER.)

anyway, not to get off on a tangent, basically, the leftist scum of reddit insists that women are not powerless infants and indeed they DO have some responsibilities. well of COURSE they would think that tho! they like powerful independent wimmin!

but yeah you hear stories where women actually do stuff, put in an effort, or in some cases, stalk the guy, or get needy or clingy, texting the guy, getting jealous, getting heartbroken. i guess its nice to know that women are CAPABLE of this!

or just basically that they are willing to talk to you when they are dumping you and to say sorry and to be conscious that them dumping you is gonna hurt you and they are making some token effort to mitigate some of that hurt!

also the idea that the solution is pretty obvious (dump that b and run away!!!!) and the Bad Guy is pretty obvious.

i just hate being the Bad Guy because I couldnt understand Space.

but i dont think it was that simple either. i think any mature person would say SPACE ISNT AN EXCUSE TO AVOID DEALING WITH THE SITUATION. SPACE ISNT AN EXCUSE TO NEVER COMMUNICATE.

i think i already made that a post title. or something very close to it hahahaha.

so basically when a woman has secs quickly, she is saying “MY VALUES ARE COMPLETELY DIFFERENT THAN YOURS.”  so maybe its a stage. but why should the stage be like 10 years long or 15 years or whatever? thats a pretty long stage. too long for me.

ok applied for us army job. they have a big facility which employs a lot of people in the area with damn good 35k jobs like this one.

an open relationship will NEVER work if BOTH people dont agree about wanting it. period. it HAS to be completely mutual and UNANIMOUS.

of course at least 80% of Breakups are not unanimous, but they dont need to be. it would be nice if they were!

SHOW ME I MEANT ANYTHING TO YOU!!!!!

welp at 399 jobs now, should prob make the big 400th a good one. i think we decided not too long ago to make 500 the new goal.

i mean i have a hard time with jobs. bullshitting my way and figuring out what to do in tough confusing situations. figuring out how to do and handle my job. figuring out how to fix problems and what to say to frustrated customers who are counting on me to fix their problem…….and i really dont know what im doing. i feel incompetent because I AM incompetent and its inherently stressful to try to serve people when you ARE incompetent. because you ABSOLUTELY do not feel free to make mistakes or fail, because someone is basically gonna insult your intelligence.

in school it was ok to make mistakes, because only your grade suffered, and only a little bit, and you could always ask questions without being bitched at and treated like someone who should be fired.

how did that woman do it? oh yeah she just went with the flow. great advice, you horrible person hahahahahaha.

fookin captain obvious. fookin captain obviously easier said than done. jeeeeeez.

also reading /r/rels you see how FLAKY women are. they will just give up on you for the stupidest shittiest reasons and there is nothing you can do about it. because you have to respect their wishes that they dont care about you any more and dont want to do anything to work on things.

where do you go for nondegenerate dating advice? actually /r/rels is pretty good…..BUT they are degen on things like open rels, or being a SLUT. i guess I am just happy that they view Cheating as a Bad Thing. but yeah they dont view having a Super Promiscuous Slut Past as being a bad thing. when it totally is.

and i dont want to go to a christian thing, again. because I want YOU to understand why being a slut is wrong, not just because of muh good book or muh jeebus. which are all great things mind you, but it honestly seems………MORALLY LAZY!!!!!! to have muh jeebus be your answer to all moral questions.

but i dont like atheists. but do i like a devout blind faith type person better than an atheist? probably.

ideal would be a person like me: someone who wants to have faith but is just filled with tons of doubt.

and a woman who just thinks casual sex is GROSS or SLUTTY, and SLUTTY is BAD. I dont wanna be an icky gross SLUT. SLUTS ARE GROSS, she says. I would never want to be gross like that.

and she said that! she had an appropriate sense of DISGUST and DISDAIN 4 SLUTS!!!!

if i even have to mansplain it…….that stuffing a guys dick in your mouf and babymaker, who you dont even know this guy, you just met him a few days ago…if i have to mansplain why that is disgusting, then you are too far gone.

and 90% of women are too far gone hahahahahaha.

might have a little nyquil today, go for walk after, go to bed early.

called this auto service place for recall notice and actually got scheduled to get that fixed. so that was an accomplishment hahaha.

heh. you know how some people “break up” but theyre not really “borken up” because they are still hanging out, fooking, texting hahahaha. sometimes even the gurl initiates, decides she doesnt want to be totally done with the guy, and presents herself to be fooked. can’t say that happened to me hahahaha.

basically, if she had ANY desire to talk to me……..SHE WOULD HAVE.

WOMEN ARE ACTUALLY CAPABLE OF DOING THINGS, the reddit has taught me.

but its easy to think they aren’t, when you have a case where the woman does ABSOLUTELY NOTHING. you think, are ALL women like that? I HOPE not all women are like that!!!!!!!! but i dont know enough women to tell. so then its GOOD to read these stories and anecdotes.

AYOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO I have just gone from a floundering seal to a baby seal on SwC poker hahahahaha. this is a YUGE deal, its taken me like 2 years to get to this point.

 

 

 

BE THE TYPE OF MAN YOU WOULD WANT YOUR DAUGHTER TO MARRY

july 9

https://www.youtube.com/user/ForeverAloneFeels/featured

i have downloaded like 10 videos to listen to. this guy seems like a Kindred Spirit and might even make it to the sidebar links. he also has varg v and weev in his liked videos, which means he might be a bad goy hehehehe. a 1433 bad goy with foreveralone nevergf forevervirgin feels. dont quote me on the 1433. but if he’s not, that might help him. i know it helped ME.

he is one of those guys that talks SO SLOW, probably because he is a horribly depressed virgin for many years! but he also drinks and looks at pron, which is bad. but i think he is quitting pron, which is great. he is currently on like day 60 of “nofap” and apparently that may be helping.

does he go to a shrink?

does he take meds?

does he take MJ?

he definitely likes to drink and eat.

look forward to investigating this fellow lost soul.

he DOES have a job and is gainfully employed, but it also sucks everything out of him and does not help his confidence heheheh.

i havent even watched these, so viewer beware, they might suck. but I think he is definitely worth a few links hahahaha

but yeah its funny how you can just TELL. from the way people LOOK and TALK. that this person is a self loathing virgin. or this person is a woman hater. im not sure if he’s a woman hater, just saying that’s something you can TELL. I know a few guys and you can just tell. i mean it is a bitterness against All or Nearly All women just barely under the surface, of viewing women as stupid and bad. I mean I have the same thing too, so I’m not judging them. I know that feel! I’m a woman-hater myself! I’m just aware of the TELLS, and make a conscious effort to HIDE them, so that people don’t even guess I’m a woman-hater. I am good at not letting the mask slip.

but yeah i dont hate or judge woman haters, how could I , I’m one myself!

I would LOVE not to hate women, but god damn, they just give us so many reasons to hate them hahahaha.

Oh well, i guess the best we can go is hate the sin, love the sinner. but why do they have to sin so god damn much, i mean they NEVER LEARN, they NEVER improve, they get worse and worse.

heh heh

like i say, i will have to listen to this guy then report back. i like to think i am very sympathetic hahaha. how will this guy compare to eggy / egg man, a similar lost soul. i mean these are not neets because they are working, but they are clearing Crying Out for help, they are in SUCH a sad state of despair.

just take some damn meds and sm0ke some damn weed already hahaaha.

how much does “george feels” drink? a little or a LOT. like getting drunk almost every day? or just a few drinks after a long horrible day at work. 3 drinks? or 6, 10 drinks.

but yeah a man CARRIES himself a certain way when he hasn’t made out (or more) with a woman in years, and men who DO have semi-regularly physical and emotional connection wtih women, also carry themself a certain way – a more confident, normie way. they seem less weird. this guy george seems totally WEIRD. as do I, hahahha.

well i guess the nofap is good for him. i would say the porn is 6000000000 times worse than the fap hehehe.

also quit the drinking and switch to weed hahahahaha.

get some damn meds.

get a short buzz haircut, that always gives me a slight confidence boost.

lose some weight hehehehe. not that he’s super fat, but being even slightly overweight is gonna be more damaging to him than to a confident normie chad, who has the personality to get away with being slightly overweight.

in one video he shows a programming in C book, is he a programmer for work? well he should thank his lucky stars to have a real skill and to make real bigboy money hahahahaha.

he lives in fookin denver! why isnt he smokng POUNDS of legal weed hahahahaha.

job opening at one of muh target employers, i almost shit muh pants when I saw it, because it actually generated an email alert. maybe newly posted fulltime jobs here do go onto indeed. good. then i will get email alerts. but they NEVERRRRR post openings for this job. I have NEVERRRR seen such a posting in like EIGHT YEARS. i immediately marked it AAAAAAA+++++++ APPLY NOW. its not every day a job shoots to the top of the list blatnatly like this.  so i will take a little extra care and apply for that today. maybe name drop in the cover letter. cuz i sorta knew 2 guys in the department 3 years ago hahahaha. like know them to chit chat with them and know their names, say hi to them and chit chat. good enough. well the one guy is a truly good guy. i would luv it if he were still there. he is a great guy and mancrushworthy. super friendly and nice and great people person hahaha. he is married and has at least one kid but he needs to have at least 3, just a great white man like that. i got along with him real well. but he gets along with everybody well, he’s just good with people like that.

i GET IT that men HAVE to bring a lot more to the table than women have to. it took me a while to understand that and accept it and not get assmad about it. ok. fine. done.

but can’t women bring SOMETHING to the table other than their befouled cvnt that they have disgraced and degraded so much?

like i have said before, can’t they even make a LITTLE EFFORT? even just 1% instead of 0% would mean a lot, symbolically at least. to be the LEAST BIT willing.

also i think guys like george mcfeels and eggman who post their pathetic white faces on youtube, it takes some balls to do that and I think they are more willing to Improve themselves than the neets on r9k, where its 100% self pity which i why I took r9k off the sidebar.

yeah well NOT ALL WOMEN ARE LIKE THAT hahahaha. SOME women WERE willing and indeed DID give me 1% of effort and kindness when they dumped me! so there! Refuted! Rebutted!

I just wanted to be DUMPED BETTER. I was begging to be dumped better. I said I accept that you’re dumping me. fine. just pleeeeeeease do it BETTER.  i didnt say don’t dump me. well….i said i would be open to not being dumped too hahahahahahahahahahahahaha but i will respect (stupid word, you can ACCEPT without RESPECTING) your decision, just do it a little better. you can do better than that. can’t you? it’s not just a woman thing, OTHER WOMEN have done better than that to ME.

also george feels should just use alcohol to bang some disgusting slut. i think he talks to women and meets women more often than I do. also he still drinks. so find some drunk whore and bang her already. if i still drank i would probably try that.

thing was, i couldnt even talk to women WHEN DRUNK. I went straight from too nervous and weird, to being sloppy falling down drunk and couldnt talk to ANYBODY. and that is not gonna help you with women unless THEY are falling down drunk.

anyway after 3 or 4 or 5 drinks, yeah i would be generally a bit loosened up but still not loosened up around Women. so then of course have another. and other. until you are 10+ drinks and then sloppy and embarrassing. thats the problem with alcohol hahahahahaha. that you get TOO sloppy to talk to women. not that you are ruining your life with being a damn disgraceful drunk hahahaha.

do i have more of a sense of humor than george mcfeels?

am i funnier than him?

more likeable?

why am I trying to BEAT him? well, i dont, i just want to prove to myself that i am not as hopeless as him hehahaha. because i am absolutely in that same ballpark, that i CAN truly Empathize with him. put myself in his place, cuz i’ve been there.

i mean he’s survived at Work for 2 years without having a nervous breakdown and quitting….right? and what if i’m wrong?

but yeah i would totally casually bang sluts with no rel. i dont WANT a rel with any women but HER. I WILL bang women with no committment, no luv. i will treat them in the casual way they are offering their pvssy up to be pounded by the most convenient dick. who cares. as long as i am not with her, nothing matters hahaha. well women at least. just pound the pvssy like a nihilist hedonist degenerate. thats fine and i am willing to do that if it helps me get more distance between me and HER, and gives me more confidence with women, and makes me less needy for women, or at least needy for HER.

so, if alcohol isnt gonna help you with women, i would say at least TRY using MJ as a tool to get sluts and skanks and white trash mudshark whores to give you casual secs. be like ayyy bae u wanna get h1gh ayyyyyy lets blaze it babay and then supply them with the expensive dank buds you have procured hahaha and then maybe they will throw themselves at you after they get st0ned hehehehe. of course good luck not acting WEIRD. so I would recommend that YOU not smoke so much at that time, and also take some benzos to chill you out. then just sit back like an ignra and say wahatever i dont care and give them an i dont care mentality. then you might be able to get dirty secs from dirty sluts who give it up to ANYBODY except for omega weirdo virgins who dont know how to talk 2 gurls hahaha.

so who are MEN supposed to go to for emotional support when THEY feel weak? you cant ask your wife or gf to do that, women are programmed naturally to LEAVE men who are emotionally needy like that. you have to support THEM.  give give give give give but god forbid you ever need someone to give to YOU.

really the best person a MAN can go to if he needs support like that, is his friends or family. really aint no shame for a 35 year old man to run crying to his mother, if he has that privilege.

or i heard a story about a 34 year old man with 2 young children, who himself had a cancerous lump in the testicle or something and he was understandably scared as shit, very emotional, crying, but he had to be careful not to cry in front of his wife and children, because god forbid the big strong man (he is a very big guy) looks weak in front of his wife and kids because he just found out he has CANCER. JESUS CHRIST.

i would be running crying like a baby to my mother and my bitch wife could LEAVE me if she wanted. leave you in the LURCH when you just got diagnosed with CANCER. JUST LIKE A WOMAN hahahahaha. ALL WOMEN ARE LIKE THAT. you can’t get assmad at it. NATURE programmed them that way. GOD programmed them that way. for a reason. for the reason that they are the Creators of New Life. so they can get away with being mercenaries for Strong Men, and leaving weak men with Cancer in the LURCH.

anyway. george mcfeels needs to cut his hair short and trim his beard short. the only way you can rock a long beard or long hair is if you have very strong confidence. if you don’t, it will just make you feel like more of a weirdo. believe me.

also delete any porn vidyas, AND porn pcitures, AND porn bookmarks. get rid of EVERYTHING on your computer and phone and whatever thats porn related whatsoever.

i am SO glad I did that. for a long time i had vowed against saving any files to the computer. that was one step forward, but i still saved bookmarks.

then one day i said fook this filth and deleted all the bookmarks. searched mercilessly for any and all bookmarks and baleeted them. this is what george mcfeels must do.

should he quit drinking? probably. but maybe it does give him some solace. shit sometimes I want to start drinking again! but then I think I’d much rather smoke weed hahahahaha. and also i can’t just drink alcohol. I just think about the shame of getting a damn DUI, shame for myself and family, then the thousands of dollars of fees, the god damn piss tests every week, i just never want to go through that again. the punishment was an effective deterrent in other words.

plus the 2 DUI club is alot different than the 1 DUI club. 3rd DUI is a felony and that is some bad shit. but there is a statute of limitations that is somewhat less than 10 years hehehehe.  doesnt mean the DUI’s go off your RECORD, just that you could get a 3rd DUI and have it not be a felony if its 10 years after the first hehehe.

if I were not an asshole who frequently drank and drove, and just sat and drank at home, well maybe I WOULD still be drinking. If I never got a DUI. but I was always driving after drinking. shit yeah that was stupid and downright EVIL.  that you think youre so much BETTER than everyone, that YOU can get away with this.  I really SHOULD have gotten busted a LOT earlier!

like oh ive driven with a Buzz hundreds of times, I’m pretty GOOD at it!

NOPE.

so yeah I am not worried about drinking again. I would do just about any drug rather than drink alcohol again. I would do HERON before alcohol hahahaha.

but mainly i just wanna smoke weed, but i have trouble getting it because i am an autistic lonely loner, also there’s nothing more shameful than smoking weed when you dont have a JOB hahahahaha.

i just wanna get a job fast so I can start smoking weed again SOON hahaha.

well i would also need to find a Source hehehe.

but i could and should ax this guy I see every week.

heh. you should BE THE TYPE OF MAN YOU WOULD WANT YOUR DAUGHTER TO MARRY hehehehe.

easier said than done. credit for that goes to some guy on a recent fatherland episode. I dont think it was jim or bradan, but either otto, salty seaman, or heidrich.

all good guys. even jim hahahahahahaha but jim is autistic as FOOK, i am amazed he is not a 37 year old VIRGIN hehehehe. but if he can get married and have a kid, so can ANYONE. not that he’s a bad guy and deserves a shitty wife. he’s a good guy and deserves a good wife. he’s just SO autistic and women have a REALLY hard time with the tism unfortunately. social awkwardness in general. hehehe maybe his basedwife is really UGLY hehehehehe. no i dont KNOW that.

i listened to foreveralonefeels for about 90 minutes. yeah he sounds tired and despairing but he has more of a sense of humor than i expected and was more likeable than i expected! he was not as bad as i expected! he has worked the same job for 10 years. i wanted him to talk more about that. he is 30 almost 31 now and i guess worked at the public library from age 20 onwards. which is great. i luv the library and would LUV to get a job at the liberry. I have ALERTS to email me the second there is a liberry job available because it is my kind of place.

but there is like 1 part time shelver job that opens per year in the whole state, paying 8.50 an hour for 20 hours a week hahaahaha.

shit all the liberrian jobs are part time and you need a MASTERZ degree for that. believe me i thought that might be a good masterz for me to get. but there are no liberrian jobs out there. i mean it is a SHITTY job market. SO shitty. not worth the 50 grand of getting the masterz degree. unless you are in the top 1% of your class. are you prepared to do that? be in the top 1-5%???? you better be, or you just wasted 50 grand at LEAST.

so….he doesnt give the details I think are really important. what job was he hired into? how many hours per week? job title? how much ya make? did you get ANY PROMOTIONS in TEN YEARS? you SHOULD get TWO promotions in that time at least.

so you live with your fam because you feel a sense of responsibility towards them and appreciate all they did raising you. i understand that completely. BUT do you really make enough MONEY to move out? how much money do you make now?

and I would understand if he doesnt want to say.

i guess his father is looking for a job and has been out of work a while and he goes on interviews and says the interviews go well…..and then he never hears back hehehe. kinda sounds like me. except my interviews dont go “REALLY WELL”, they just go ok. but you feel damn, they dont want to hire an OLD person who has been out of work for a LONG time. you have a STENCH about you.

i would have liked george to take more of that angle.

but he’s a pretty good guy, i would hang out with him, i was thinking about doing a Skype Talk with him ahahahahah.

took some nyquil.

anyway me and him would be good in the beta uprising. but this isnt betas. betas are normie nonvirgins with bitch wives. real neet virgins are OMEGAS hahaha.

anyway i hope he’s not a leftist atheist.

he also likes to go for walks and sometimes he tries to lose weight by going for a RUN. oh wow. good for him.

anyway i would luv to work at a liberry but its next to impossible to find a 14 dollar an hour fulltime job at a library!!! believe me, any job like that would be classified AAAAAAAA+++++++++++ and I would take an hour to make the best application ever.  how did HE get a job like that? which makes me wonder, maybe its just a mickey mouse littleboy part time 8 DAH job that he has. and thats the real reason he lives with his parents hahahahaha. cuz he makes less than 10k a year. thats not a real job!

but i dont judge that, I’ve been in similar positions. my previous job was something similar. and god how i miss it. no nervousness, no stress. but i could only get 25 hours a week and i was making like 9.75 an hour. that’s no job!!! but i loved it. I said DAMN I wish I could work at this 40 hours a week and make just a LITTLE more. like 11 or 12 bucks an hour. I would work here the REST OF MUH LIFE.

so yeah how many hours does he get, what does he make, has he ever been promoted, does he have supervisory POWER over anyone? could you imagine HIM being someone’s supervisor? itd be like ME being someones supervisor!!!!

but yeah i generally liked him and will continue listening. dont know how despairing he is, if he is taking any meds, etc.

also i have been out on “Dates” I guess with gurls. where we hung out, went to dinner, etc. but nothing like that since 2005 hahaha.

well i did hang out with one on one and go to lunch and dinner a lot of times with That Person. but they werent dates because we were not FOOKING hehehe.

its horrible how people can get so out of whack that to me, hugging or cuddling or kissing a woman is SUCH A BIG DEAL, and for some women, fooking (aka the life creation process) is NOT A BIG DEAL AT ALL.

and you feel sick when the person where you hugging them would be SUCH A BIG DEAL, that same person opens their life creator to randoms and its NO BIG DEAL AT ALL.

well I don’t have proof she is being a slut like that.

also she never really DUMPED a person before!!! I was the first major dumping of her whole life!!! she was too scared to deal with it, i can’t handle this, i can’t deal with this, so naturally you shut down, run away, and avoid dealing with it. you give up.

IVE DONE THIS BEFORE, just gave up on projects and shit. but never to a person who was calling out to me.

july 10

yeah I HAVE Just Freaked Out and Just Given Up. Ran Away. It’s EXACTLY what I did to my JOB. it’s the SAME thing she did to ME.

but not REALLY. because one thing was a JOB, the other was a PERSON. PEOPLE are (in theory, and in my opinion) more important than JOBS.

also when I quit the job I made SOME attempt to TALK to them. I didnt just walk out. I had 2 meetings with managers and tried to leave in as dignified and smooth a manner as possible. not just walking out and never coming back. NO CALL NO SHOW. she NO CALL NO SHOWED on me. on a PERSON. and

PEOPLE are more important than JOBS. in theory. cuz jobs dont have hearts that you can break.

on linkedin some comment said the real unemployment rate is not 5%, its closer to 40%, but the BLS is lying with statistics, and the journalists lying. all the employment is low paying seasonal temp part time jobs.

if you look at jobs that pay the average of 28k a year, uhhh of COURSHE the average is gonna be 50% unemployment. cuz in bell curves half of all people are below the average! average is a HIGH BAR to set!!!!!

you can’t have 95% of people get to the average! then you need to move the goalposts hahahaa. set a higher average.

really MY goal is just to be average. no more, more less. make the average american income of 28k a year.  14 dollars an hour.

no more, no less.

‘man cannot remake himself without suffering, for he is both the marble and the sculptor’

great quote from a comment on the most recent Forever Alone Feels vidya:

also some thoughts that LIFTING is about a MILLION times more effective than nofapping. will get you some easy pussy FAST. WHY ARE YOU NOT LIFTING. DO U EVEN LIFT BRO????

90 days to make something a habit. so LIFT for 90 DAYS and then you will be better. i guarantee it hehehehe.

I left him a brief comment on this vidya hahahaha. not the greatest comment. i dont think it will reach him. i agreed with a guy who recommended Fascism. Now FAF will probably be turned against Fascism, when it could help save him.

and now i cant edit it to add the shit about noporn.

oh well. i will probably give him a small dnation if i continue listening to him.

so yeah, noporn and fascism has been GREAT for me. well not great enough to get me a 14 DAH FT job or a tradwife, but i cant imagine my life without them, and i am very grateful for them.

illuminati? bilderberg group? bohemian grove? masons? come on! ITS DA J00Z, STUPID!!!!! da jooz makes SO MUCH MORE SENSE than the damn illuminati, when it comes to a Secret Society of Superpowerful Elites who Control The World.  Follow the Money to Find a bunch of superrich jooz. very simple. its not a damn CONSPIRACY. well not any deeper than one group trying to protect itself.

what kind of person lets their stupid yapping small dog outside at 4 in the morning on a sunday to bark and bark and bark so it can be heard in a 5 house radius, from 4 to 440 am? 5 minutes is one thing. FORTY minutes is another.

heh. people would PAY to make monster save more than 5 searches. so why wouldnt monster do this? PEOPLE ARE TRYING TO GIVE YOU THEIR MONEY BUT YOU WONT TAKE IT!!1!11!!

this type of nonsense infuriates me about companies. its just too expensive in the short term to do a project that would be ENORMOUSLY useful to your customers.

and in general its very difficult to work with your saved searches. you add them, then they dissapear, then they come back. you dont know if theyre there, or if they are working, and all you want is a damn email when company x posts a new job, which they post like 1 new job every 2 months at most. so you want to make sure yu dont MISS it. cause the company/org itself doesnt let you sign up for job alerts. because that would be too useful of a recruiting tool for them to find super motivated candidates hahahaha. SERIOUSLY!!!!!!

took 2.8 mile walk in bright midday sun on sunday to try to get max sun on pasty arms hehe.

i wonder if forever alone feels george is j00ish, cuz jooz are neurotic and emotional…..but they are also more successful and not usually virgins. he would have banged a jooish slut in college or joo camp or the JCC cuz joos are very clannish like that, its like one big incestuous family where you can bang your slutty 5th cousin removed hehehehe.

you can essentially arrange marriages and arrange jobs thru the wider jooish social network of the JCC. huhwhytes don’t have that, but they SHOULD. huhwhytes are more atomized and bowling alone, like FAF George. see “atomised” by houellebecq hahaha.

since george still drinks, I think he should ask one of these milfs out for DRINKS. then get them drunk and bang them. and of COURSH it will be disappointing. but at least get it over with. dont be like me. where you don’t have enough EXPERIENCE to pull actually DECENT women.

its a LOT easier to get rejected by worthless sluts, than to get rejected by DECENT women.

its the worst to get HARSHLY rejected by a decent woman.

of course, decent woman are more likely to try to be nice when they reject you…..but not all the time hahaha.

anyway i know george has never experienced that! and if he does, he will be sadder than he’s ever been!!

perhaps you should use Benzos as an Enhancer to other drugs. like I hear if you mix benzos and benedryl, you practically fall into a coma hahahahaha. no i am not encouraging this hahahaha. but benzos basically MULTIPLY whatever effect something else has. also benzos can make other things fatal. weird.

but yeah to a foreveralone, a mere HUG from a woman means SO much. when this means literally NOTHING to the normie women. they hug 6 gorillion people a day just to say hello or goodbye. it couldn’t mean LESS. so it’s two VERY, VERY, VERY different ways of experiencing the world. and secs is even worse, because women bring that same sense of casual, shallow meaninglessness to secs that they do to hugging.

WHY THEY GOTTA RUIN EVERYTHING. THEYRE RUINERS.

WOMEN ARE RUINERS hahahahaha.

MAN CANNOT REMAKE HIMSELF WITHOUT SUFFERING, FOR HE IS BOTH THE MARBLE AND THE SCULPTOR. 

that is so good. yes that will be a post title very soon.

http://www.brainyquote.com/quotes/authors/a/alexis_carrel.html

a quote from alexis carrel, french scientist i have never heard of. I HOPE he is not a J. well, that one quote at least is pretty huhwhyte.

heh. i am glad i am not on facebook, to see white people, white women, probably even HER, doing stupid facebook signalling about how evil and oppressive white cops are and how they deserve to be shot by black animals hahahaha. apparently thats what white people are doing “omg i can even things are really heated right now, i am scared about the way things are doing, we need to stop being so DIVISIVE and just LOVE NOT HATE and step back and LISTEN to Black Voices about Black Lives and what they are TRYING to TEACH us!!!!!”

cuz she was always anti-cop. but I wonder what she is saying about this stuff. WHOSE SIDE WILL SHE TAKE? I will never know. If I knew she were taking the antiwhite side, I would have an easier time writing her off.

but ideally, I would have been a Strong Man For Her, and Guided her down the Pro-White path, as all strong pro-white men do.

But yeah I am willing to Meet Up with Other Local White Racists. the horse is out of the barn. i have no use for spineless white cowards. who wont take their own side when the shit hits the fan. if anything SHOULD wake a person, its this police violence / police killing in dallas. Dallas should wake up a ton of white people, but it’s NOT, they’re just DOUBLING DOWN on laying down and letting themselves be killed. absolutely disgusting. i mean this is race treason. don’t be a fooking race traitor. god damn. i am sure if i were on facebook i would be TRIGGERED TO THE MOON with white Shitlibs falling all over themselves apologizing and flagellating. you’re THIRTY years old, how can you still be a stupid shitlib? Haven’t you Worked in the Real World long enough after college? but for some, nothing will EVER red pill them. also these people have probably been Professionally Successful and Middle Class ever since leaving college, so they never HAVE to be redpilled or blackpilled.

and i think i had a chance at redpilling her, that she might have been open to Race Reality, but like all women, she needs a smart strong man to guide her. and maybe some other lucky white racist man will make her his aryan waifu and have white babies with her.

but who knows. maybe she became a full black lives matter anticop antiwhite race traitor mudshark. i kinda hope she DOES, as punishment for being so cold and callous to me.

i mean i basically TRUSTED her to NOT leave me in the lurch. trusted her to give it to me straight and not leave me hanging.

its okay to be an antiracist antiwhite leftist when you are 18-21 but after 25, it is absolutely inexcuseable. a leftist after age 25, i mean a white leftist, is absolutely pathetic.

nonwhites, fine, I can totally see why they would be leftists. because the left IS antiwhite.

and white cops shooting black thugs is making whites say IM SO SORRY FOR BEING WHITE. we whites are so problematic. we must mix this original sin out of us. police DESERVED what they got in dallas. they brough it on themselves, and they are also Symbolic of Systemic Racism and how Whites Oppress Blacks with White PRivilege.

so whites double down on this shit. day of the rope for these traitors. if you’re over 25 you have no excuse.

this thread overwhelmingly suggests jcpenney over “crappy” places like mens wearhouse or jos a bank if you are wanting to get a decent suit for the Frugal Man. JCPENNEY. I am getting closer and closer.

i mean the next woman i “date” will probably be some slut who i take out for drinks to get drunk and then she fooks on the first or second date and then I do that, am disappointed and disgusted, and certainly not the type of woman i’d want for the mother of muh children! but i guess i should get as many bangs out of her as possible and maybe even try to dump the woman, so i can get experience dumping a woman hahahaha.

course many sluts will have drunken secs with you once or twice, then just avoid you altogether.

avoiding is a typically womanly way of not dealing with shit. tons of women everywhere throw men away by just avoiding them cold turkey. she is certainly not the first or the last. tons of women do this. women are TERRIBLE at actually dealing with anything.

i expected this type of childish behavior from some average trashy slut……NOT HER.

i mean she was a WOMAN who i ACTUALLY GOT ALONG WITH, and DIDNT HATE hehehehehe.

ME. the worlds biggest woman-hater, actually getting along with a WOMAN, like a human being, really WELL. can you believe it? THATS why this was so SPECIAL. THATS why you cant throw it away like trash. that, and because people and relships ARENT TRASH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! DONT TREAT THEM LIKE TRASH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! when you do it can cause a LOT OF PAIN!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

psychic pain hahahaha. psychological damage hahahaha.

same thing with secs. yeah it can be very pleasureable (supposedly) but it also has the potential to cause a LOT OF PAIN, and also has the potential to CREATE NEW LIFE, so

BE VERY VERY VERY VERY VERY CAREFUL WITH IT. CAREFUL, NOT CARELESS AND CASUAL.

CARE FULL. FULL.

this is how you have to talk to these bitches hahahaha. just totally mansplain in no uncertain terms. they NEED a man to mansplain very simple things.

yeah getting a proper suit would DEFINITELY be a good confidence booster, even moreso than getting a short haircut.

i may never have children of my own because i may never find a woman i luv who is willing to have muh babies, and yes that is sad. i mean i dont want to have babies with any white slut. well, ok i will maybe do that when I am 70 hahahaha. and i will leave a ton of videos and stuff for the children. vidyas for muh heirs haha.

but say some ugly slut falls in luv with me (hasnt happened yet, hahaha), should I just SETTLE and say this is the best im gonna get, thsi woman is WILLING to have my children, so i should do it?????

i dont WANT to have children with a woman I don’t luv the way I luved HER.

just like I dont WANT to get a masterz degree hahahahaha.

dont WANT to get a job in a call center.

I can try to support white children in other ways. like the creepy bachelor uncle who never had kids of his own haha.

besides, its very likely i’ll never make enough MONEY to take care of CHILDREN, let alone MYSELF!

so yeah feels bad man hahahaha.  no man wants to feel like half a man like that!

but yeah its a bad feel when the woman you wanted to be the mother of your children would rather suck ingra dicks than show you a shred of mercy! yeah this will take much closer to 2 years than 1 year to get over.

its already been 1 year and I can say things are WAY better! this shit youre seeing right now, THATS “WAY” better!

me whining about her in every poast and hating all women! that is actually honestly way better than it was. it really is. cuz now i am much better about applying for jobs, going to interviews, and yeah I really DO think about her a little less.

but yeah i am very cynical and hateful and nihilistic too. except for muh race and muh 14 sacred words. but i dont particularly luv white women either, other than you need them for white tradfams and white babies. but i still think they are jooed as fook, and kinda inferior. i am assmad at them. but i appeciate that they are the only ones who can make white babies, so we kinda NEED them.

women give up and run away from shit ALL THE TIME. you think I am the only person who has been dumped this way? every guy has been dumped this way, probably several times, and every woman has DONE this to a guy, probably several times.

this is how BAD women are at COMMUNICATION. they throw people away rather than communicate with them. yet they are TEXTING ALL DAY with their face in their phones. they communicate ALL DAY EXCEPT when it REALLY MATTERS, then they clam up and run away like bitches.

and my case is WORSE because we were NOT just Fooking for a few weeks after meeting on a Dating/Fooking Website. we were real friends who got along with each other very well because we had a lot in common. so yeah that makes it morally worse, and it makes the PAIN worse.

just saying hahahaha.

you shouldnt fook guys you just met. but if you offer it, dont be surprised when guys take you up on it, and dont be surprised when guys dont consider you dating material. yet STILL women will dump the guys! talk about flipping the script! and the guys are so desperate that they will consdier sluts as dating material! and then get dumped quickly after the sluts quickly offer secs!

TAKE ONE FOR THE TEAM AND HANG OUT WITH ME ONCE IN 10 MONTHS

may 10

1000 calories,  7.07 miles (at various speeds and various inclines), 136 minutes.

kind of a long time, i am very jelly of the people who can burn 1000 calories in 1 hour. i have seen a few.  but that was my goal yesterday. rather than going a straight 130 minutes, I just decided to say fook the time and go until I reach 1000 calories. broke it up into 3 parts. first part did a 2.5 mile Slow Jog. with some walking. to get to 400 calories. then next portion was focused on doing huge incline, up to max of 15%. getting 300 calories there. then took a small break to go to bathroom and drink water. then cam back and did last 300 cals at very relaxed pace. so basically, 700, then a break, then 300.

for the first 700 listened to music, then on 300 listened to white racist fatherhood podcast.  best show ever. did I mention I made a donation to TRS hahahahah pat myself on the back publicly.

so it was 3 portions:

  1. 400 cals, 3.14 miles, 47 minutes. involved 2.5 miles of Slow Jogging hahaha. prepping or muh 5k haha.

2. 300 cals, 1.62 miles, 39 minutes. attached to portion 1. ramped up eventually to 15%, speed was pretty slow.

3. took break. came back. did 300 calories, 2.31 mile, 50 minutes. much lower incline. tried to “relax.”

well i neeted it up at the interview, and important to note this was for an Eligibility Pool, not a specific job, so…. hehehe so hard to make money in this world. just want to not be a neet skell hahahaha.

Civil Cases and Debt cases sometimes dont go to trial but get outsourced to an outside ARBITRATION service who then makes the ruling on who owes what.

I just want a civil court arbitration that that woman treated me less than respectfully, and therefore owes me an apology, and some respect. hahahaha. basically to have someone back me up and say, you’re right, this isn’t right, you dont deserve this, this is no way to treat a person, she fooked up, and you didnt do anything wrong.

this is the problem when somebody dumps you in this way. either they’re fooked up, or you’re a monster who deserves this. And I REALLY dont want to be a monster. I’d rather her be a huge chickenshit coward avoider. well at least I think that option is becoming more clear.

when a bitch accuses you of being CLINGY or NEEDY, just mansplain to them, no im not clingy, thats what love IS. I just have stronger feelings for you than you have for me, so to you it LOOKS LIKE needy. when you loved a guy more than he loved you, you looked 9000000000 times worse than this. now bend over and take my c0ck up your ass 90000000000 times, you filthy wh0re, and that will make me like you less and hate you more and then i will be less needy hahahahahalol. then you can find some other f4gg0t fool to NEED your used up ass. bet youll feel great when you are 35 and no one NEEDS you except your ingrate bastard mud baby and your cats. and they cant fook you hard like a real man can hahahaha.

had dream I was hanging out with one of my previous female friends who was a fairly attractive young woman. but she was always dating other guys and I never really wanted to date her. we just hung out and got along pretty well. but I never got conflicted over her. although in the dream I had just spent a fun day with her and then at the end of it we started cuddling and I think Making Out. and I thought, well this isnt nearly as weird as I feared it might be.

so that means, I PROBABLY could have gotten more than friends feelings for her too if I had tried, hahaha. but I never did. Anyway we drifted apart very amicably and I have no hard feelings towards her. I kinda feel she would be a big handful to Date though. like Unchill and crazy, been with too many guys, too crazy, etc. but as a friend she was just fine. But I still think That Woman would have been a much better GF. she hadnt been with as many guys and was more innocent. but in the end…..who treated me better?????? the “slut!” hahahaha. Not that I like to think of that prior female friend as “A Slut.” even if she might have been. she also got into long term rels with guys.

i never wanted to date her and never Got Feelings. but this dream showed me that maybe I could have, in an alternate universe. prob one where we spent even more time together, and where she was blatantly single. she was single/available like less than 1% of the time I knew her.

I am single/available 99.999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999% of my entire life, hahahahaha.

well better than 100% hahaha.

good god. send resume to “IT REcruiter” for an “asset coordinator” position which i dont even know what that is, but it didnt sound like a call center, and the guy calls me within 30 minutes. I did not answer, let it go to voice mail. he said he was EXTREMELY INTERESTED in talking to me hahahahaha. god damn aggressive recruiters. I wish the companies could be as aggressive. then they would actually hire people. thats how recruiters work, thats how they find people. they just YOUR HIRED! to anybody and then send these schmucks to the company. perhaps the recruiter actually takes the time to look at the resumes while the company just hires anyone who comes in for an interview. i honestly dont know how this is sustainable. and i hate everything related to “IT”.

or apply for an autistic children behavior tech using simply apply on indeed and get a direct email from the person at the clinic, asking me to fill out this application doc file and send it back. just a shitty ass form on a doc file that is gonna contain all the information on my linkedin and indeed pages which was included with my original submission.

sheeeeit. back to spraying out applications hahahaha. i still wish that woman would “come to her senses” and apologize to me. shit. its just gonna take a damn year to get over, actually probably more.

was I really THAT bad? I dont think I was THAT bad. damn. So I was annoying. give me a little benefit of the doubt. I wasnt some random guy. just TRY. not try to luv me, but TRY to see it from my perspective and TRY to give me a tiny bit of good will. im not trying to hurt you. im not trying to fook up our friendship. but this just happened. what would you do if your BF was HORRIFIED and DISGUSTED when you were honest about how you liked him, and he reacted like this, instead of dating you in a marriage like relship for 5 long years?

hey I lost something and someone important to ME. itd be NICE if you acted like i was important to you too.

of COURSE me getting feelings complicates shit. but i knew when I was your age that you cant hold feelings back. and you shouldnt hate people for getting feelings.

but yeah she was a big deal in my life and i still havent filled that void yet. maybe if i were working a lot. or even a little. that would def help. leaving the job ALSO caused a big void. so now I have TWO BIG VOIDS and that is a lot.

I think if I were just working I could focus on that, worry about that, maybe become a degen MJ smoker again, maybe 3 solid months of chronic MJ use would help me make some progress in getting over her. i mean thats all that she does. smoke tones of MJ every day and forget everything. I wouldnt mind forgetting HER.

oh but i would be using drugs to block shit out. NO, i would be using drugs to erase or delete memories. big difference.

not block, but erase. destroy. dispose of. annihilate. delete forever. its the closest thing to never meeting her. as if she never existed. that would be great. where mah weed at.

nietzsche wearing trump hat.png hahahahahaha

i dont give a shit if it IS degenerate. if it helps me get over this woman, then i’ll take it. obviously dont want to be doing it for like more than 6 months.

hey i mean I cant deal with the Feelings any MORE. there’s nothing more left. it’s just replaying of all the old shit. it’s all been played out. it just stays there like the stench of smoke or cat piss in a house. lingers, serving no god damn purpose whatsoever.

may 11

had dream featuring woman4 aka woman2005B? she had a sense of SEcsual Innocence which I looked for and found in other women too. However she saw me at my drunken worst too much and was kind of annoyed by me hahahaha. plus I was too much of a pvssy to really hang out with her one on one. which come on. you really need to do that. but I was young, I was drinking a lot, I had gotten dumped by woman3 and was upset about that, and I was trying to get back together with woman2 but she wanted to be Just Friends, so my confidence was at another big low, which caused me to act like an idiot around woman4, who I remained in luv with for far too long. I think I was over her within 3 years tho hahahahaha.

heh. its weird. I havent had any success with women since I stopped drinking hahaha. 6 years ago….i mean 7. however I would get so falling down drunk that that didnt help me with women either.  like holy shit he is the drunkest one here kind of drunk. not lets all get tipsy together. well, I used to be able to do that back in the day, and that was legit fun, and that maybe DID help me with woman2 and woman3. in 2004 and 2005 hahaha.

wow 302 days since i last talked to That Person. and it feels just like yesterday hahahaha. I like to think in terms of 100%, multiples of 100, 100 days, 200 days, 300 days, 400 days, so hitting the 300 day mark is significant. def have made some progress but just want to make it to the 400 day mark, which I think will be better. 100 and 200 were nothing. meant nothing. who cares. no big change there.

anyway what happened in the dream with woman2005B. uhh I think we were at a party and I might have been getting drunk and embarrassing myself in front of her. also I was trying to spy on her to see how she reacted to these douchebag guys hitting on her. she did not appear to be having a lot of fun and went to sleep in a room in the back. I saw her sleeping there alone. I guess there was no guarantee she hadnt had casual sex with every guy there but me, but it really didnt seem like it. the next day people were eating breakfast and I tried being nice to her and apologizing for being a drunken fool? Cant really remember.

but yeah being a drunken fool is never a good move with women, and neither is apologizing like a little bitch.

hehehe the worst thing you can do after being ANNOYING to a woman, is to APOLOGIZE to her for it.

in fact i dont even know the best thing you can do. pretend like it never happened? be cool, stay away from the woman for a while? then she’ll prob just forget about you totally. i am tempted to say that being annoying is the worst thing you can do in the first place, cuz its one strike and youre out, you cant bounce back from that ever, you might as well pack it in immediately, YOURE DONE.

it doesnt matter if youve been married for 20 years or you just met the woman hahahaha. be annoying ONCE and youre the bad guy who ruined the rel and pushed her away.

hhahahaha ok i am exagerrateing as i sometimes do. magnifying. going to extremes. of course if youre married for 20 years, your wife might show you more loyalty and luv and not give up on you after one strike. you might get the full 3 strikes. leave the toilet seat up 3 times over 3 years and youre divorced hahahaha. its not like the points come off your record in 6 months.

anyway woman4 was a lot more emotionally stable than me hahahaha. she got a decent job and really she just needs to get her masters degree already, I dont know why she put that off. Of course I liked that about her! but shes so focused on her social justice career that its foolish of her NOT to get a stupid social justice masters degree already. in international poverty alleviation or some shit. or some really sjwy law degree would also be good for her.

she could have well been asexual or a lesbo. well she was too cute and feminine to be a lesbo. but she would prob be very nervous about secs and embarrassed to talk about it publicly…….as all women SHOULD be! so I liked that about her.

in an alternate universe i would have just gotten married to her when I was 22 and she was 21 hahaha. and i would have not been drinking or acting a fool. oh i realize the error of my evil ways.

i kinda acted a fool with That Woman…..but it was still very different. there was no drunkenness. just annoying pushiness. but I hung out with her one on one quite a bit, which I never did with with woman4, and had enough courage to ask her to hang out at least hahaha. also i was never really actual friends with woman4. we never hung out or texted or talked or had a real rel of any kind, the way I did with That Woman.

but yeah I would luv to use degen MJ for like 3 months or 100 days hahahaha to see if that helps erase that woman from my mind. but got to get job first hehe.

so should i call this IT recruiter back about the asset coordinator job? PROBABLY.

its all about DOING THE REPS. you might not be in the best mood, or be super confident, not at the top of your game, but you get down to work and do the reps anyway. do something rather tahn nothing.

also I wanted to make it perfectly clear that I was NOT looking to her to give me support for my Despair Disorder. That is my cross to bear alone hahahaha. I was, however, looking for the kind of general Loving Moral Support which a Special Woman wilfully provides to her Lover. The Tender Mercies and all that. the warmth and cuddles and all that. which I think is legit, reasonable. But I was not asking her to be my Shrink and Save Me From Myself. I know a lot of Despair people do this and it understandably overwhelms the partner, pushes them away.

Nope I wasnt doing that at all. I was just asking for someone to spend time with me and give me luv and cuddles hahaha. not emotionally manipulate with my own despair. what a womanly thing to do hahahaha. im gonns suddenly shut down because I have despair disorder and you are gonna be at the mercy of muh moods. NOPE. i didnt do ANY of that.

however I do firmly believe that general luv and cuddles would have generally increased my confidence and power and probably made me generally less depairing.

see her confidence was not diminished at ALL. getting rid of me was just getting rid of a problem. it was a weight lifted and her life could get better. for me it was a big loss, like a death, leaving a huge void, and also I have two huge voids, one in muh personal life, another in my working life, and have greatly weakened confidence in both those areas. where she has much greater confidence in both those areas. hehehehe. winning lifes struggles is a lot easier when you have CONFIDENCE. and jobless loveless neet virgin losers dont have much confidence at all.

the worst thing I wanted was her to support muh confidence. but she didnt really need to DO anything to do that other than hang out with me and not be cold and distant to me. very low bar. when things were going good with her, i was pretty confident.

but when things went REALLY bad with her, my confidence went into the crapper. what i’m saying, is they didn’t have to go SO badly, and maybe if they hadn’t, my confidence would be higher now, which would make my current struggles less difficult.

in other words, it wasnt draining or too much effort for her to build up my confidence. she just needed to sit there and smile hahaha.

but it also wouldnt have been THAT much effort for her to PREVENT the hugeass CRASH in my confidence.

of course, the OBVIOUS lesson here is, don’t chain your self confidence to SOMEBODY ELSE, PERIOD.

so yeah its always been hard for me to not associate my self confidence with How Women View Me.

When Women view me favorably, I have decent confidence.

When women view me unfavorably and abandon me, I have very low confidence.

Once I get over those rejections and women have no opinion of me…..uh i have average-for-me confidence and a pretty pessimistic view of women hahahah.

but for like at least a year after a big rejection, my confidence is impacted. adversely.

basically women reject me and become way more successful than me at life hahaha. I have never been rejected by a woman who did not move on to become WAY more successful and make WAY more money than me, regardless of the age difference. 4, 8 years younger than me, they still make more money than me in the current year.

shit coming up on the 3 year anniversary of this Blog. so i was trying to get over the rejection of woman2012 still. I had met That Woman about 6 months before starting this blog. however since me and her never made it to 3 years (only 2.7 hahahahah), then yeah technically this blog is Older. so I see that as a good thing. My ROCK to get me through. something truly long term hahaha.

in late 2012 i was getting attention for my old blog and getting pretty interested in The Movement hahaha. I still am very interested in the movement, but I don’t want to be a public face for the movement, because my emotional instability and neetness makes the movement look bad, and they don’t need that. and i dont want to do that to them, however unintentionally.

I got rejected by woman2012 around that time. I met That Woman around that time. there really was a lot going on! i was working my littleboy job, i bought muh first laptop computer, I visited muh friend in las vegas and rode on a plane. racist on a plane hahahahaha. I remember I listened to some Dr Pierce on the plane.

so rejected in october 2012, i recall I was kind of upset about that, such that I was still upset in may 2013 and started this blog. but in hindsight what i am going through now is 90000000 times worse. I didnt start a new blog but god damn I have a huge buffer of posts hahahaha to keep this blog going for another 6 months even if i stop writing today. which i wont hahahaha.

and obviously i have been talking about mainly that even since it happened! HER! that person and the tragic end of our rel.

she cant deny that it was a relship of sorts. it wasnt a secsy rel but it was a close friendship! she cant deny that. an impartial arbitration firm would prove that. because we had intimate conversations. not surprising that i, having a taste of Intimacy, wanted a little bit more. I didnt expect her to give it to me, but i DID expect that we would bla bla bla communicate about it.

see? dead horse, stale farts, im just feeling the same feelings over and over and over again, running in circles, and this is what I want the MJ for. to erase the mind. there is nothing left for me to learn here. there wasnt much to learn in the first place.

really the PAIN per se is not terrible, but the general lack of confidence is the big problem atm.  im half the man i used to be hahahaha. actually way less than that hahahaa. a 1488th of the man i used to be.  i have absolutely lost my mojo or groove or chutzpah or spark or whatever. not that I had a lot to begin with!

oh no MW is in a state of despair. I think he is just on the verge of a despair mode, after he has experienced some success in life at long last which lifted him out of years of despair.

IMHO what he needs is a real life support system, ideally a 3DPD waifu to cuddle with. or im just saying that because thats what I really want hahaha. did MW have a falling out with adam wallace or something? people saying theres a “split” in the alt right? the alt right is all over the place anyway. was adam wallace speaking out against “the 1488 crowd?” I dont want to put words in adam wallace’s mouth, he seems like a good guy but definitely more arrogant than MW. indeed MW has so much self doubt that it is harmful to him.

now he’s transformed from a neet to a guy who makes 400 dollars a month hahhaha on donations (more than I make!!!!) and he makes very nice videos, and works really hard, too hard IMHO, he is burning out a little.

how does one “PUT IN THE REPS” without BURNING OUT?

well you just go through the emotions and half ass things and hope you are not Found Out and Fired!

or, you half ass things every other day. on Valium Day.

i dunno some jobs you cant do that though, because everything is measured, everything factors into the metrics, so you have to be on point producing high quality and high quantity with no half assing. even when the manager is out, they still see the numbers and the reports regarding your work and its quality and quantity.

well now I have an interview with the post office. city carrier assitant job, 16 bucks an hour, non career position, no guarantee of hours. they just emailed here saying be here at this time 5 days from now, NO RESCHEDULES.

i wonder if post office gives random drug tests. i mean I would probably be driving the little mail truck and delivering to houses. assuming I dont sound autistic during the interview.

well this is the post office downtown for the interview. I hear that post office is 99% nonwhite hahaha. they smoke blunts all day and think whitey is uptight hahaha.

well…. yeah i mean because nothing government agencies do makes any sense. nothing in Regular Companies makes sense either, until you think….this is being done to cut costs. of course even that is done incompetently, remember? so they lose money in the LONG RUN. well, govt is even MORE incompetent, which might be GOOD because it allows me to really COAST and not try hahahahaha.

but yeah I hear this post office is in a real Ghetto area of town where people get shot and robbed just a few blocks away hahaha great. I mean this is a Ghetto City that does not have a great reputation in general.

yeah I know its politically incorrect to say ghetto in reference to poor blacks. but I am somewhat thankful to grow up near a truly Ghetto City, so that I could become Redpilled On Race hahahaha.

of course now middle class white hipsters are moving into the city after college trying to Uplift it and show the evil white flight racists that they are racists for abandoning the city hahahaaha. i thought you were supposed to get more redpilled after you left college and started working in the real world. nope not necessarily. many of 28 year old self-loathing whites trying to uplift ghetto neighborhoods hahaha.

abandoning a city eh, is that like abandoning a person hahaha. maybe what I did to her is the equivalent of a city becoming a violent black ghetto hahahaha.

seventh son makes his first appearance on the fatherland

ie seventh son is one of the big founders of TRS, showing some favor to the underlings here.

https://radio.therightstuff.biz/2016/05/11/the-fatherland-episode-26-svenpai-notice-me/

so, a big episode for the fatherland in other words. well its a great show tbhfam. really gets to the meaning of the 14 words.

horry sheet MW replied to my comment on his vidya and said thank you to ME. ssssssempai nnnnnoticed me!!!!!!!

so that legitimates my whole blog and life hahahaha. bring in a screen shot of that to all job interviews hahahaha. see this neet alt right youtuber nnnnoticed me hahaha now hire me.

 

hehehehe is it bad that I havent listened to MW regularly in at least 3 or 4 months, and only heard about this despair video on a post on TRS forum, which I also have scaled way back on?

2016-05-11_18h18_15

yeah its a shitty comment and I deleted it like 2 times only to come back with a shitty low effort comment, but I figure it was a case of something shitty was better than nothing hahaha. and now i really get to PAT MYSELF ON THE BACK for morally supporting a good guy hahahahaha.

just like I PAT MYSELF ON THE BACK for donating $6.75 to TRS, even though other men donate $14.88 every single week.

and peter steele says, dont pat yourself on the back for doing works of charity, do something good for someone, and then NEVER TELL ANYONE ABOUT IT.

ok I see their point, and this isn’t a bad thing to do.

I just think its ok to pat yourself on the back once in a while, especially when you dont get a lot of pats on the back IRL from others.

and besides, TRS and MW are truly good causes. not a lot of overhead your money can be wasted on, also no tax benefit for the donator.

i am sure at some point in the future I will do something nice for somebody and not brag about it hahaha.  but I am simply not that secure yet. let me get some good feelies out of this at least! its like I get to cuddle with 3dpd aryan innocent waifu to boost my morale that way!

its either bragging about charity or smoking MJ. which is more degen hahahahaha.

anyway i should go for a little powerwalk outside.

ok did that, burned 410 calories? not bad. didnt even jog once, got some sun, it was 70 degrees.  hopefully got some vitamin d, finished previous episode of fatherland.

its really COZY or COMFY, you know the pepe meme where he is wrapped up in a blanket drinking hot cocoa with a roaring fire and its is just very comfy.

http://comfyneetpepe.tumblr.com/

oh god this is great. proud comfy neets openly hating on WAGECUCKS or as he calls them, WAGIES. hey WAGIE whatcha doin? goin to WORK to make more money for bossman hahahaha. omg.

https://webcache.googleusercontent.com/search?q=cache:http://comfyneetpepe.tumblr.com/

for posterity

anyway that had to be done by a good guy, there are schlomo merchant memes in there as well. hilarious.

http://archive.is/gRTv1

archive.is does a little better job with the format

portrays neets as alpha males who are banging wagie’s wimmin while they are at work like pathetic wagecucks hahaha getting cucked by alpha NEETs hahahaha. so ridiculous.

anyway MW needs something like this, he is too stressed. sometimes you need to get comfy. yeah I REALLY wanted to get comfy with That Woman. Cuddling with your waifu would EASILY qualify as TOP comfy. but thank GOD there are other ways to get comfy too. like smoking tons of MJ and listening to the fatherland. and when MW is not despairing, he is pretty COMFY too.

 

 

SERVICE THEATER

may 1

shit i hate being NEEDY. I NEED too much SUPPORT at work, especially emotional support.

so when I tried to get it from her, i was being too NEEDY and pushed her away.

well I spread my support out among several people so i didnt bother her so much.

and she had plenty of support herself with all her new work friends! i was kind butthurt and bitter that she was getting involved with a clique that did not involve me. like i got downgraded from real friend to work friend, and now I was getting downgraded from work friend to nothing.

i invited her to come to me for emotional support, probably to show that I wasn’t trying to be too needy and that I could give as good as I could get. but if she needed emotional support, she didnt want it from me! rather, the other men she didn’t have a history with! just clear the decks and start anew. throw away and forget the past. even when the past is right there saying please dont throw this away.

well she thought I BROKE THE RULES by getting feelings for her, so she gets to BREAK THE RULES by not having to talk to me at all.

yeah well I think thats a lot WORSE breaking of the rules than what I did.

but i also hate being NEEDY.

well NORMALLY im NOT THAT NEEDY. besides, how is it needy to want to hang out with a friend every once in a while? how is it NEEDY to want to hang out once in 10 months, or to be CONCERNED when you are being AVOIDED by someone that MATTERS to you?

ITS NOT NEEDY YA MORON! HOW ABOUT NOT AVOIDING ME FOR 10 MONTHS!!!!

ok tomorrow do clerical typing and computer test for city office clerk job tomorrow. i wish there was some kind of intermediate job between the 13 DAH part time job and the 37k a year FT “Senior Clerk” job.  why not a 28k a year Junior Clerk job???? I would feel much better about that.

women can just STOP luving you. its a much harder, longer, more painful process for a man. a man just cant SWITCH OFF his luv and loyalty. women can hahahaha. and in one day they are JUST DONE with you. i dont think its healthy or normal to be able to pull the plug that easily. show me this is painful for you too and then I wont think all women are sociopaths hahahaha.

yeah well i already know they arent. it just rocks your world when someone you thought wasnt like that, does something extremely disappointing and unexpected like that to YOU. She was a kind and caring person, and she was kind and caring to ME!!!!!! except in the end, when it really mattered.

basically I would need to find another Close Female Friend before I have the confidence needed to work in a Call Center again.

but thats a slippery slope. i must do this unreasonable thing before i can gain the confidnece needed to do reasonable thing I SHOULDNT NEED to do the unreasonable prerequisite first.

http://users.net1.cc/pako/sellex%20books/Sales%20Skills/McGraw.The.Complete.Book.Of.Perfect.Phrases.For.High.Performing.Sales.Professionals.Sep.2009.eBook-ELOHiM_0071636099.pdf

http://www.saigontre.com/FDFiles/101_Customer_Service_Training_Scripts_for_Handling_Any_Situation.pdf

i like these “PERFECT PHRASES”. just TELL ME GOOD THINGS TO SAY. PERFECT PHRASES.

you can buy access to a mcgraww hill database of 30000 perfect phrases for $80 a year, hahahaha.

http://www.speakstrong.com/pdfs/PowerPhraseseBook.pdf

heh when you dump me, do so in a way that doesnt make me think you are a heartless bitch. woman2012 succeeded in giving me a very good dumping. good for her. i wish every woman could dump me like she did. that was a a MASTER COURSE in dumping the RIGHT way. total RESPECT for that hahahaha.

its not complicated, its not rocket science, even the average WOMAN is “intelligent” enough to figure it out.  it just takes some courage and maturity. some other things women are lacking in other than just intelligence hahaha. which are probably more important than intelligence!

i just hate that she beat me in the Competition of Life, in every way, and he leaving me in this way is like being a Bad Winner, who dumps insult upon the opponent they already soundly defeated!

its huge insult added to huge injury, by the injurer!

without the huge insult, getting over the injury would have taken less time.

and really its not fun to hate a person so much hahaha. i dont want to hate people. the only people i need to hate are the loud annoying smelly nonwhites who get on the treadmill right next to me hahaha. not white women I used to be good close friends with.

taking MJ makes it easier to Get Through One Day At A Time. that is its benefit. its cost is it turns you into a degenerate zombie loser, One Day At A Time.

so the guys on the fatherland say that now traditional, decent women are using tinder to find husbands, or that people are using it to find monogamous, longterm rels, and not just Chill Hangouts.

well its good that people are still getting together in mongamous rels, and subverting the degen intention of tinder.

however its bad for people like me who though tinder signalled “i am a degen, stay away from me,” because now there are nondegen infiltrators in there.

and I guess you could signal that easily, like say “i am a nondegenerate infiltrator who is not the typical tinder degenerate. I am NOT looking for casual fooking, i am looking for a traditional longterm monogamous rel” right on your profile.

but women are so ambiguous you cant tell the good ones from the bad ones! the good ones dont proclaim their goodness loud enough! or they just say they are looking for “new friends” the same as the degen women say! you have to say a little MORE to DIFFERENTIATE yourself!!!!!!! you dont WANT to be lumped in with those WHORES, do you??!?!?!?!?!

you have to be actively against that shit. say it loud and say it proud: I AM NOT A WHORE!!!!!

well her being a whore was not the problem. if i start thinking she is a whore, then i miss the POINT.

but she might be becoming a whore.

but thats still not the point.

http://angrycustomer.org/faq/index.php?action=artikel&cat=7&id=89&artlang=en

ooo found a good site.

what to do when NOBODY can answer a customers question.

uhh get a digital scale if you can spare 20 buck so that way you can measure out foods to the gram and keep non meal snacks down to 100 calories. cuz like a serving of ice cream or cereal or nutz is like 150 or 180 calories. nope too much. try to aim for 100.

ok she HAS been legit betrayed by people before. so it makes sense that her betrayal meter is over calibrated, and that she registers a false positive. thinks someone is betraying her when theyre really not. because shes been betrayed SO many times before. people just like to take advantage of her like this. the eternal victim haha.

everybody betrayed her now one of her closest friends betrayed her too. boo hoo. hahahahaha.

ok this actually makes a LOT of sense. good perspective for me to have.

and though she would be too stubborn to admit shes wrong……shes mroe likely to be too BLIND and ignorant and damaged and imperceptive to even REALIZE that she’s wrong.

i just went apeshit because she was the first attractive and eventually available woman to be NICE to me in 11 years hahahaha. well, in 3 years actually hahahaha. see its not as bad as I first said. its not 11 years, its only THREE years. it had been 11 years since I had some sort of action with a woman, NOT the last time an attractive woman had been NICE to me haha.

i have been a pretty uncreepy guy cuz i havent kept fighting her, havent kept contact her, stalking her.

but BOY have I EVER been moaning and complaining in semiprivate! writing and thinking abotu it SO MUCH! I’m just not directing any of it to her. I’m not writing her long complaining emails erry day.

so she has NO right to say that I am taking it badly and acting creepy cuz i havent said one god damn word to her since my final email 8.6 months ago.

but it would be nice if she were bitching about ME so much to all her family and new friends that they were like ok enough already im sick of hearing about it, besides, he didnt do anything THAT bad, hahahaha.

but NO. that would involve CARING, and as we know, men care for women 900000000000000000000 times more than women care for men! women dont love men! women are cold callous sociopaths! hahahaha.

CALLOUS that is a good word for her coldness hahaha.

im not saying there are never customers that are unreasonable. in fact in some workplaces or departments, most customers are going to be unreasonable. I’m just saying that in our department I didnt think most of our callers were unreasonable. and in general I dont think people are going to call tech support unless they have an actual problem. now SOME idiots call about the coffee cup holder, but not most.

how the fook does SHE explain shit? does she actually read perfect phrases for customer service BOOKS like I do? FOOK NO!!!!!!!!!

yeah she had some family stress so i feel somewhat bad about putting this extra pressure on her.

but another way of looking at it is, this was a much easier to deal with stressor for her. it was something much more in her power to deal with. it might have been EASIER compared to the family thing.

or maybe she was acting out and showing her CONTROL over My situation, by not doing anything, to react to her LACK of control over the family situation! she wanted to put ME at HER mercy, the way SHE was at the mercy of THAT!

maybe, maybe. I will never know!

aaaaannnnndddd i wouldnt be asking myself all these stupid unanswerable what if questions if she had just talked to me and ended it like a normal person! thats right! I think even NORMIES know better than to do this! SHE was acting like a WEIRDO!!!!!!

i mean me liking her was just a minor annoyance compared to a more serious tragedy in her family.

OF COURSHE i should have been more……something??? i dunno i WAS sensitive to the tragedy in her family though. that was kind of an ongoing situation though. really not the type of thing you could be proactive about at all. there weren’t any conversations that could be had. really totally powerless and just waiting for the next thing to happen.

kind of like how i felt with her hahahha. except i did have the power. i just didnt exercise it. because i needed to courageously put my foot down and say THIS ENDS NOW.

because anything else, she would DEFLECT and DODGE. well, more like tell me what i wanted to hear: yes, we WILL hang out SOMEDAY. SOMEDAY. maybe she actually believed it. ya know, i think she really did believe it. I definitely believed it.

the stuff they do isnt INTENTIONAL. they dont know the reason they do what they do. they dont do it on purpose. everything is covert and unintentional and accidental.  you never know and THEY never know.

there is no more effective assassin than one who does not KNOW they are an assassin hahaha.

there is no better liar than one who does not KNOW they are lying hahaha.

yes i KNOW its not really a LIE if you THINK its the truth.

im just saying women are so confused and ignorant they never know what the truth is!!!!

not all women are like that!!!!! hahaha.

 

WHEN YOU TRY TO MAKE SECS CASUAL, NATURE PUNISHES YOU BY CRUSHING YOUR SOUL / YOU CAN FIX ME, I WOULD ACTUALLY BE HAPPY TO BE FIXED

mar 18

shit. i wish there was some kind of test or game or training exercise where you could train your mind in stressful pressure situations, and build CONFIDENCE in them, by doing practice or simulations on the type of problems, and the type of situations, we did in my former job.

ive never been very confident and i struggled a lot there, but i overcame the struggles, and did quite well over 1 year. i should never forget this. but  after being out of the environment for a while, i can’t believe i ever did it.  My confidence is back down to the minimum again.

or young people who are scared to take hard math classes, they think it will be too hard. fact is, even dumb morons can do well in hard maths if they put in enough effort and practice. you gotta do the practice and studying.

i am fine with that! shit give me the shit to study right now! i just didn’t like being put in the “exam” situation right away, and that was the WHOLE damn job. even if you have an open book exam, you can still get answers wrong, because the questions are TRICKY as fook! and the book is unclear as fook. or, even better, the questions are “unfairly” asking about things that are NOT in the book. because there is not a pressing Business Need to have a Complete or Up to Date Book, because that would involve paying somebody to create Training Materials and not constantly be solving real problems/cases. some phaggot sitting at a desk listening to vivaldi, writing articles and making powerpoints, rather than constant answering the phone with new problems.

oh that would be the sum of earthly bliss hahahaha.

and many people just aren’t good at pressure situations, or complex shit. they choke or they just get it wrong, or they perform worse. its why not everyone is cut out for a Military Career. some people handle stress and pressure better. i am not one of them hahaahhaha. i get flustered as fook. actually when you take the pressure out of the situations, i could think a lot more clearly and the problems became easier. like if i were looking at the problems of the day while at home, a comfortable environment, no phones ringing, no people chattering, no rows of tiny cubicles, just listening to my chill out music like vivaldi and bach and chopin and catholic chanting and orthodox chanting and sometimes beethoven hahahaha. and i DIDNT have the person on hold waiting for me to figure out their problem, while my mind racing and i panicked WHAT DO I DO? WHAT DO I TELL THEM? I HAVE NO IDEA WHATS GOING ON! IM GETTING FLUSTERED!!! AND LEVEL 2 IS USELESS TO HELP ME!

http://www.inc.com/jeff-haden/how-to-be-graceful-under-pressure.html

poise. police, military, and emt’s TRAIN ENDLESSLY to respond to emergency situations. GOOD. THEY SHOULD! I’m glad their management TRAINS them a LOT! the more training for ANYONE, the better job they will do! and there were many times when I would get flustered or I would be off the clock helping new people who were getting flustered and I would get frustrated and say “PLEASE, TRAIN US. JUST TRAIN US MORE. how about a one hour training meeting a week. just give us more training.” give us some training exercises like military and police to help us develop Poise under Pressure. but that costs a LOT of MONEY.

do local police get any federal or state money? how much? or is it all local money from the city or county?

http://www.inc.com/business-insider/13-secrets-to-performing-well-under-pressure.html

handling pressure is a skill, anyone can learn it

http://www.amazon.com/Performing-Under-Pressure-Science-Matters/dp/0804136726?tag=bisafetynet-20

http://www.amazon.com/Success-Under-Stress-Confident-Productive/dp/0814432123/ref=pd_sim_14_2?ie=UTF8&refRID=0VMEMFP6BTRHS3MGXDNN

http://archive.is/9FFLh

forbes dot com article with the same shit

another forbes, part two of above:

http://archive.is/AlFbk

http://goodlifezen.com/struggle-perform-pressure/

http://mentalfloss.com/article/72706/11-secrets-performing-well-under-pressure

don’t overthink things. i would overthink very much. but this is tricky when THINKING is the only way you solve problems, problems REQUIRE A LOT OF THOUGHT to solve them! you dont want to UNDERTHINK them!!!!

the key is to not FREEZE and to not make serious mistakes. just keep moving and eliminating certain solutions. chip away.

ht     tp://pastebin.com/z04bubh1

trs thread about doing higher maths. young man is nervous. he received great encouragement and advice from some successful pro-white engineers and analysts and people making good money in good careers. winners who can pull decent white women. not neet r9k losers hahaha.

you PAY To get TRAINED. how is this so hard for me to udnerstand. if you want TRAINING on how to do your JOB, you HAVE to PAY for it. you PAY for college, you PAY for Trade SChool, you PAY to get certifications, you PAY for education and training. if you job trains you at all, they SHOULD take money out of your paycheck.

if you want someone to TRAIN you, you SHOULD pay them with money or with lunch/dinner/drinks.

the sooner i get this through my thick skull the better. i never learned this in high school or college hahaha.

how to make a decision when you dont know what you need to know and you dont know how to locate the unknown unknowns, convert them to known unknowns, then finally convert those to known knowns, all quickly, when there are infinite possible unknown unknowns.  oh shit im getting freaked out already. so you start going down the wrong path, how do you know its the wrong path if the whole world is in darkness? like in a vidya game where you enter a new dungeon adn the whole map is BLACK and you can only build your map by going into every area.

they say thinking back to previous successes with women can give you confidence for approaching women, for going to your happy place when you need poise and confidence under pressure.

however don’t think of the most RECENT woman who broke your heart horribly. If I think back to when I was banging a qt young girl 11 years ago, enough time has passed that i can cut that image out of how she broke muh heart, and view the secs separately as something to give me confidence. unfortunately the most recent think I can think of like this, happened fookin 11 years ago.

http://www.shape.com/fitness/cardio/how-inaccurate-are-calorie-counters-gym

mar 19

that article convinced me that ellipticals are not that accurate and can be influenced by MOMENTUM, ie, you body is not really doing that work, but the machine is, inflating your calorie numbers. the article said the treadmill was gernally more accurate.

so i went back to the treadmill. first i struggled to reach 500 calories and was pouring sweat, only got to 460. next time i just cranked the incline way up, ranging from 8.5 to 14 (hehehe) and getting about 560 calories, but was not pouring sweat. it generally seemed easier. so, the question is now, is the TREADMILL accurate at HIGH inclines?

http://running.about.com/od/treadmillrunning/f/treadmillcaloriecounter.htm

http://www.sparkpeople.com/resource/fitness_articles.asp?id=1370

http://forum.bodybuilding.com/showthread.php?t=148823463

eh. its probably more accurate the the elliptical. rando on internet sez ellip are “NOTORIOUS” and to subtract 30% to get your REAL number.

lets see. some things say i need 1600 cals a day, others say 1900.

uhhh thats kind of a big difference. that is equivalent to you going apeshit for like 35 minutes. Or eating a goddamn SANDWICH hahaha.

i was upset to think that her leaving me left a much huger VOID in my life, than the VOID I left in HER life, in fact, there probably WAS NO void. I just hate when someone is so important to ME, but I am not important to THEM AT ALL.

but I dont even know this! I would like to though.

i know i was important at one time. i wanted to know if i still was important but she just was avoiding a difficult situation.

you just dont be friends with somebody for years and then they are not important to you.

hehehe it was not the ending this relship needed or deserved hahaha.

http://www.angelojohngage.com/?p=399

10 signs that its time to end your rel.

OF COURSHE i like AJG. he is pro-white as fook and a great pro-white man. and a masculine, confident, charismatic, charming alpha man, who can pull a white wife and have a white baby, and hopefully more of them. i’ve had my eye on AJG for a while and he has passed his probationary period hahaha. but he is also into Self Help and Self Improvement. improving your life. life coaching. tony robbins, NLP stuff hahahaha.

how to have a good healthy relationship. yeah AJG is great, role model type of guy. I would donate him money if I were an employable nonneet hahaha.

great guy and i give him my full support. even if he is italian hahaha and had a rap project before he was Woke hahaha and maybe was a degen womanizer hahaha. I am jelly of all the pvssy he scored hahaha. but what he is doing now is GODS WORK.

http://www.skillsyouneed.com/rhubarb/dealing-with-unexpected-at-work.html

hehehe all we HAD was unexpected shit.

http://www.skillsyouneed.com/ps/assertiveness3.html

dealing with nonassertive and passive aggressive people

http://www.skillsyouneed.com/ps/confidence.html

building confidence

hahaha found my new favorite website hahahaha

i GUESS confidence and self esteem are technically different but IMHO they really are pretty much the same thing, and i prefer to use the word confidence because the word self esteem is phaggy af. alphas have confidence, omegas have self esteem hahaha. little coward pvssy phaggots. low testosterone virgin mgtows hahaha, scared of big bad mean gurls, gay boys club.

If you feel you HAVE to take MJ because of your stressful job or life to relieve stress, don’t just smoke it and watch tv, take it and then IDEALLY go to the GYM and GOMAD!! INSANITY!!! or study your workshit, and also communicate with the people you need to communicate with, and try not to do it more than once every 3 days.

she wasn’t important in my life because i was in luv with her, she was important to me BEFORE that, THEN i fell in luv with her. there was a time when we were MUTUALLY important to each other. SHARED experience of importance. its when you care about a person, want the best for a person, have compassion and kindness, worry about them, care for them, care what happens to them. we had all that mutually before i fell in luv. and then she did not lift a finger to show she cared what happened to me. its ruff! just care about my feelings just a little bit! dont write me off as a psycho! well i dont even know if she thinks im a psycho. what did she tell the people we know mutually?

did she tell them i was a psycho? did she downplay everything? just say we had a falling out and now don’t talk any more? that he got feelings and i wasnt interested and that was the end? what about me going crazy and quitting job hahaha. what does she think about THAT?

don’t you CARE what HAPPENS to me???!?!! i cared what happened to you, and that isnt just because i luved you! its because we had a pre existing friendship! I ALREADY cared about you! couldnt you care about me just a little? maybe you still did. but couldnt you SHOW it??!?!?!?!

http://www.civilservice.louisiana.gov/files/divisions/Training/Manuals/Effective%20Problem%20Solving.pdf

heres a solution, train your damn employees better like you did in the past. dont cut training because you need people doing low quality work as soon as possible.

heh. i bet That Woman might have viewed her prev BF as a “PROJECT.” he was rough around the edges but a good person at heart, and she was gonna bring out the best in him.

well, he WAS rough around the edges, and he WAS a good person at heart, but ultimately she coudlnt fix him and he chose to leave.

I am in much more need of being FIXED! and, i would have responded well to her fixing! she could have ACTUALLY FIXED me, in other words!!!!!!! FIX ME! PLEASE!! I NEED FIXING TOO!!!!!!

but instead she did the worse thing you could do to a poor soul who needs fixing, ie, destroy and break him EVEN MORE!!!!!

you like fixing guys that need fixing! fix me! fix me! i actually have potential! i will luv you back! i will give you the luv you wanted from your x bf but couldnt get because he just wasnt that into you! be with me! im into you!

anyway. let the past be the past hahahah. no need to keep harping on this. but yeah this idea of women liking fixers. well, i think they like MASCULINE fixers, like real tough guy rebels with a heart of stone. they dont like wimpy emo soft fixers who just want a nice gf to cuddle with monogamously for years. oh but thats weird. NO, its NATURAL AF.

mar 20

weird dream. NO, not with HER. I was back in college town, 20 years old again, surrounded by other 20 year olds. i figure you will always flash back to this time in your life, as it was your “peak.” you were young and there were tons of potential mates for you. that you were too inept too pull hahaha.

anyway this dream was different because I was playing with BABIES. essentially watching other peoples babies. white babies of course. I dont really have multicultural DREAMS. do you? do you dream of many other races or is it mainly just your own?

anyway  i was watching over the babies and in some cases actually holding the babies. I figured this represented my own paternal patriarchal desire to Reproduce and Father Heirs. very NATURAL.

then i was sitting next to a young woman. NOT HER. if anything she looked like this woman I knew 10 years ago and never had any feelings for, but she was fairly qt.  she was sitting next to me, then i did something like put my arm AND leg around her and she snuggled right up with her backside pressing against muh D. that was very exciting. i am glad it wasnt THAT WOMAN in the dream because I wanted to cuddle with her every possible WAY but never did.

one minute i was holding babies and felt paternal and protectorish.

the next minute i was holding a qt young woman and felt paternal and protectorish BUT ALSO there was an added element of yeah i would give it to her GOOD.

thats not the SOLE element. its wrapped up in more savory, respectable elements. and should not be separated.

when you try to make sex casual, sex makes YOU a casual. nature punishes you for your Crime Against Nature, by making you an Unnatural Outcast who cannot pairbond with lovers the way nature intended. 

yep. cant say it any more plainly.

wow the goys at TRS are so smart and sensible. I really  am not high IQ enough with my 100 IQ to participate here:

QUOTE (“white knight” comes to defend women against an admitted woman-hater in a post pictures of beautiful white women thread)

broseph please examine our past and then model the future off of that. I can’t help but think you’ve been rekt by some people and you slammed the traditionalism pedal to the medal and passed our roots and went back to kebab stage shit.

We’re a rather egalitarian people already. Our men have the ability to control themselves and our women respond surprisingly well to an authoritative voice coming from a non-betafag. There’s no need to slam the social systems all the way back to “You are woman. I control you. Now do nothing without permission because child and dirty whore. And if you don’t do exactly as I say, I beat you.”

Just as a father trusts his child, you must trust your woman. Women are definitely ticking timebombs of hypergamy, but we are adapted to control our women by shame and guilt tripping. Not by forcing them to cover up kebab style and monitoring them constantly. The possibility of the shame should be enough for them to not act on the hypergamy. The virtue of us having high intelligence is that we understand consequences and if we simply place consequences in society that far outweigh the risk of hypergamy, then it’ll solve itself.

A child is not supposed to fear physical punishment from a parent. A child is supposed to fear a bruising of the ego. Spankings aren’t supposed to physically destroy a kid. They bruise the ego. “oh noes daddy is dissapointed and now I’m being knocked down a rung on the social scale” They feel this as a base emotion. We all do when our ego is bruised. Same with the “I’m not mad. I’m just dissapointed” thing. We have big egos, so that stuff works on us well. Personally, that’s what I think causes our excessive moral signalling. We try to raise our egos up a rung, therefore we do shit to seem superior to others.

All the shit that works on kids? Works on women. Except instead of spanking we use slut shaming and socially ostracizing them. Same shit different person. Just tailor your ego bruising to a different age group.

We’re not kebab. Please don’t larp as one. It’s rather dysgenic what they do.

END

i would say bang sluts if you get a chance. just never, ever ever ever ever ever get feelings for them or date them or commit to them. yes banging sluts is kinda degen, but its way less degen for men than it is for women, plus it makes men more confident in dealing with all women, and better chance of pulling a Nonslut.

Also banging a slut is WAY better than jerking off to porn. porn is jooish poison that destroys mens confidence and makes them foreveralone virgins. banging sluts INCREASES mens confidence.

porn horrible, sluts ok. porn never, sluts sometimes.

dating: sluts never, nonsluts maybe.

of course if you arent comfortable with banging sluts, you’ll never be able to pull a decent woman. so maybe you should just try to pull crazy sluts off ok cupid or tinder or whatever.

heres a question. say you found some cowlike single mother to be fully committed to you…..but you don’t really LOVE her the way you LOVED women in the past who broke your heart. You don’t really want to be committed to HER.

but you’ve never really HAD a woman’s commitment and love for you like this before, someone that would be WILLING to have your children. this might be your last, only, and best chance to have a child.

should you do it? should you create new life with this woman? and be bound to her for life?

cuz we can all agree that having a child and abandoning the child is BAD BAD BAD.

but should you have a child with a woman you don’t love, just for the sake of having a child already, because you’re 40 and havent had a child yet?

or should you wait until you’re 70 and gamble on the chance of finding a better woman?

good thought excercise hhshshahahaha.

I just posted the following long response to a guy on depression forums, “30 and hopelessly alone”, my favorite topic and i finally responded after like 6 months ahahahaha

http://www.depressionforums.org/forums/topic/112371-30-and-hopelessly-alone/?page=3

QUOTE

Hi user, thanks for the updates. Please keep us updated every so often as any notable feelings, thoughts, or events happen. My situation is similar to yours and I can relate to the loneliness and lack of confidence. I recently had a female friend which was the closest relationship I’d had with a woman in years. After a while, I developed strong feelings for her, and wanted to take the relationship to the next level. Unfortunately, she was very uncomfortable with my feelings, and not willing to communicate with me whatsoever, and stopped talking to me abruptly. I felt abandoned because of this harsh silent treatment. This wasn’t some random person from Tinder, this was an actual friend of several years, and it hurts when somebody like that walks out on you without a word. I was absolutely, completely devastated. I felt like she threw me away like a piece of garbage. I resigned from my job because we unfortunately worked together and saw each other every day and I could not handle it. For a while I struggled with blaming myself, “it’s all my fault, I pushed her into doing this,” but now I can see that she is responsible for her own immaturity and inconsiderateness and overreaction. It’s understandable that she wants to end the relationship, but there was no reason to end it in such a bad, hurtful way.

I am still trying to rebuild my life. I have similar problems with career. Getting a gainful, proper, “adult” job has been something I’ve majorly struggled with ever since finishing college 10 years ago (not useful degree!). And also relationships with women too, have not had an actual relationship in just as long, with the closest thing being a good friendship with a woman that ended as horribly as it possibly could (see above!) Of course I took notice of the “Game/Pick Up Artist”, then MRA, then MGTOW communities over the years, being as they are communities of men that talk about their experiences with women. Like you, I think MGTOW is misguided, and that avoiding and shunning women is no way to live, and is just a way of giving up. For me, the ideal is a long-term, monogamous relationship which eventually results in children – a traditional nuclear family. (I accept this may not be everyone’s ideal!)

Anyway I just wanted to encourage you to keep posting every so often because your situation really resonated with me and I have been following this thread since it began. It’s hard to “focus on yourself” when, in a way, you’ve already been doing that for years, and haven’t made great progress. It’s hard to be rejected over and over again when you express interest in women. I too dislike the “maybes” and “let me think about it, I’ll get back to you”. Because when I get my hopes up with women, I can’t read the obvious signals that she’s not interested, but she’s also too scared to say “NO.” For me, a blatant NO would be much, much better. Because I’m like the guy in “Dumb and Dumber” who says “So you’re saying there’s a chance!” when there’s really a less than .0000001% chance!!

Also I worry that going so long without female attention or love can change a man and make him “weird”, it’s definitely happened to me. I was glad just to be able to still make a good female friend…..but then that blew up in the worst possible way, crushing all my confidence.

Confidence is one of the most important things a man can have IMHO, is the main thing which attracts women to men, and is the precise thing which is attacked by depression and anxiety, which is why so many of us have problems with women! It’s a huge catch-22 that what can increase confidence so effectively, is the satisfaction of being valued by a woman. It’s like the old adage, can’t get a job without experience, can’t get experience without a job.

Not sure if you have taken any meds, but they have helped me a little. There are a number of SSRI’s that are available at big national pharmacies for a very reasonable price, no insurance needed. Same with popular anxiety benzos like Valium or Xanax. I realized I have huge anxiety which might be a root cause of my depression. I don’t want to take benzos regularly, because you can build a tolerance/habit, but I do like knowing that I have something to take in extreme situations.

It can be helpful just to have platonic female friends, so you know that all women don’t consider you some kind of weird untouchable creepy alien…..but this can backfire horrendously if you happen to get deeper feelings for such a friend, hahaha. Also it’s not super easy to make that kind of a friend in the first place. With me it happened very serendipitously, not something that happens often.

It’s good that you are not too anxious to try going to interest group meetups, or meeting women from online dating. However I fully believe those come with their own unique problem sets, as you have described!

One last thing on the exercise/gym idea. For my whole life I was always too anxious to go to the gym and work out. But following my recent devastating experience, I was able to make a positive change in this department. I am still too anxious to do heavy weightlifting, because that area is filled with much younger men lifting ridiculously heavy weights. But I have become comfortable using the cardio machines, and it has helped me to stay physically active as much as possible during this tough time. Now, I’ve heard that Heavy Lifting increases testosterone, which in turn increases confidence, and many people have anecdotes about heavy lifting being the golden panacea for all their problems. I have just started out lifting embarrassingly nonheavy dumbbells at home until one day I can hopefully not embarrass myself at the gym. But it’s great to just go there and use the treadmill and not be nervous about it. I could never do that until I was over 30 years old, hahaha.

It’s completely natural and good to desire female companionship. I have struggled with being “too needy” and thereby pushing women away, but I think it’s natural to be a LITTLE bit “NEEDY.” Such a ridiculous word. It’s natural for men and women to NEED each other to some extent. Of course it’s no good to be “codependent”, but it’s also hurtful to be completely alone, as you and I both well know! So I don’t like being accused of being “NEEDY” just for wanting something perfectly natural which so many normal people have.

And I know what you mean about the cuddling. It really is a big deal to have that kind of “loving touch”, and to not experience it for years and years. It’s a kind of warmth and comfort you just can’t get from other men, haha. I too have thought about the idea of a “cuddle buddy.” NOT talking about sex, because I believe sex is a very important, serious thing that should never be approached casually or recreationally, as it so often is in the current year. But I also wonder if one would start to get feelings for someone they cuddled with regularly. Regarding the oxytocin chemical, which promotes feelings of love and pair-bonding, when men and women spend time together.

Anyway keep us posted on everything, I can really relate to your experiences and emotions, and I know others here can as well.

END

not a terrible response if I do say so myself. now i dont want to get this guy wound up, cuz he is an even bigger sad sack and excuse maker than ME!!!!! and possibly autist.  he is another college grad in a below-entry-level job, and is very insecure that his low job status makes him unattractive to women, which it certainly does hahahaha i know that pain. us low level losers dont deserve a good woman. a white trash single mom mudshark at best hahahaha.

shit whats worse. a single mom or a mudshark? i really dislike them both!!!!!

yeehaw. applied for the damn 10 DAH 30 hour a week job I lied and said I already applied to but didnt. damn for a proud white man i act a lot like a lip smacking ni99er. AYO HOL UP.

Before i submitted the Copious Info App, I copypasted it to a text file. also, it only needed employer address and phone number for the most recent job. It asked for 15 years of job history but didn’t have enough spaces, AND it didn’t let you ADD entries. fooking failures. they dont deserve THEIR 15 DAHJ’s. maybe some shitty street shitter contractor hahahaha.

that feel when you see young trannies and trapbois, and you think wow i haven’t even been with a WOMAN that attractive, hahahaha. or, i might almost rather bang this THING than some fat ugly old woman hahaha.

well thats false, I have been with attractive young women that were better looking than LADYBOIZ……but that was 10 years ago. I certainly havent recently!

wtf am i really SAYING here?!?!?!?!

hehehe it would be great to get a 10 dahj, 30 hours a week, no benefits. this is what a man should be doing at age 30+ who wants to one day get a wife and have children, but hasnt even found a wife yet, and hasn’t even established a career yet hahahaha. you need to be at the second or third level of your career by now. at my prev job there were guys way younger than me on Level 3. these are the type of guys who will Outcompete me for Marriageable women, like That Bitch. Damn Son. I wonder how easily she gives it up to successful young guys like that. and here i am wondering if I should go with a single mom, a mudshark, a fat oldie, or a LADYBOI TRAP TRANNY. GOD DAMN hahahahaha.

SHOWING ANY NEED AT ALL IS NOT BEING TOO NEEDY / PEOPLE WHO HATE CHEATING CAN STILL EMOTIONALLY CHEAT

TOOT TOOT!! GR8 EFFORTPOAST COMING THRU!!!!!!!

real australian tier qualitypost here hahaha.

i do honestly believe tbh fam that this post is in the top 20%, if not the top 10% of Raw and Insightful Insight, of Emotion finally losing a bit of its steam to Logic and Rationality and Cool Heads 2 Save the day.

0221

yeahhhhh buddy.

dear person: (gonna try doing this a little more. something about the idea of addressing directly to her. because i have a ton of things i want to say to her, and she has nothing to say to me, and REFUSES to listen to what i have to say, but i can still say it anyway. just not send it to her hahahahaha.)

how could you. i mean COME ON. maybe not 3 years but definitely 2.667 years. close enough. COME ON. didnt you care about me as a person AT ALL? I really thought you did. maybe you did but you just HAD to avoid the confrontation aka communication THAT badly. well thats on you, not me. i cant MAKE you WANT to communicate. i cant MAKE you WANT to show me that you care about me as a person.

i cant MAKE you understand that you thinking i BETRAYED you is unreasonable and not the case. you never WANTED to hear my side of the story. you never WANTED to think that POSSIBLY you might be misunderstanding this whole situation. and then made up your mind to NEVER listen to my side of it. a person that had been in your life for 2.67 years. i just cant understand how you can turn those feelings off like that. i know you were distancing, but i thought there was SOMETHING left there. the memories, and not just that, but the ROOTS, the fact we still saw each other every day and were cordial to each other. couldnt you have just LISTENED to me and said SOMETHING in response to that? how can you just get RID of somebody you knew for so long, and had slowly BUILT a relationship and a foundation with. you cant just throw that away, it doesnt WORK like that. its a horrible thing to do to a person. deep down i think you KNOW this, but you cant bring yourself to even LISTEN to me and to even make a statement about what you feel about all this. i cant keep contacting you because the ball has been in your court for a long long time. plus i need a lot of no contact in order to heal. but you can still contact ME and let you know that you listened, that you cared about me, that you didnt MEAN to TMALAPOG. i TOLD you i felt TALAPOG and it would have been really nice if you responded to that just saying you didnt MEAN for that. but you didnt even do that. didnt even lift a finger. didnt even send an email or a text. and we texted all the time, you text people all day long, how could you not even send ME one text, when we had a long term rel established.

I KNOW it was in trouble and things were bad, but thats no excuse. rights and responsibilities. you cant just give up on a person liek that. thats kind of abandonment. nobody likes to be abandoned. youve been abandoned, you know how horrible it is. dont do that to ME. i trusted that you cared enough about me to not do that to me…..even if we were having problems.

this has left me so confused and devastated. i have so much i want to say to you and you refuse to listen to any of it. i would like to hear what you have to say, but you refuse to tell me. how do you think that makes me feel? how could you not have anything to say to me about this? you obviously have some feelings about it. you dont throw someone away and not have strong feelings about the matter. you have to have something to say to me, so just say it. it would help me process this and get better closure. sure closure ultimately comes from within, but it doesnt HAVE to be so one sided. you can help me out a LITTLE bit. im not asking for a LOT. just give me a LITTLE. i think a 2.67 year relationship deserves at least a LITTLE bit of effort and communication and sharing and respect and caring and not being thrown away and abandoned and forgotten. i cant forget it. i dont think you can forget it either. just share your feelings with me. even if a lot was one sided, you were a part of this relationship too, for a long time. just treat me like a human being and not a forgotten piece of garbage. i wasnt just some random piece of garbage revolving in an out of your life in a matter of months. we were friends for 2.67 years and we got along great and you told me things you’d never told ANYBODY. doesn’t that mean anything to you? just communicate to me that that meant something to you, that I meant something to you. you meant a LOT to me, and right now you’re telling me I meant NOTHING to you. this has devastated me. you dont have to share my feelings. im not asking that. just tell me i meant SOMETHING to you as a person, and that you didnt MEAN to hurt me so much, that im not a piece of garbage to you. cuz im not a piece of garbage, and you, someone who is so important to me, sure treated me like one, and i never saw this coming. there was no warning, no red flags that you would do this to me. i tried to give you big hints that my feelings to you had changed, and im pretty sure you picked up on that. i wish you had just commuincated with me about that. i can handle my feelings being rejected, but i cant handle being rejected on this much deeper level. a human being reduced to a disposable object, a nonhuman. NOBODY can handle that. thats much worse than a standard normal rejection. thats not the way you reject people or end a relationship? what say you? NOTHING? ive never experienced this before.

ending a relship is always painful, but ending a relship this way is 100000000 times MORE painful. i have reached out to you to please choose to act differently, meaning simply just write to me and tell me how you feel, tell me i mattered, tell me youre listening to me and thinking about this, tell me i didnt betray you, tell me our friendship mattered, that i mattered, that i have worth and dont deserve to be thrown away.

/end for now hahahahaha

that kind of shit. see i already feel .5% better hahahaha.

i need to learn to SELF SOOTHE better, to calm myself down and convince myself that everything will be all right, i can handle this, i can get through this.

thats how you get confidence and my confidence is REKT right now. i dont feel i can DO ANYTHING.

that awful job didnt help. i prob could have kept my confidence up if she werent there. but the double whammy was too much. she eroded my confidence to nothing, and i needed a decent amount of confidence to do my job. which was constantly solving weird problems where i had incomplete information and unknowns all the time. but i needed to project confidence and say yeah i got this, ill fix this. i just couldnt even fake it any more. fake it till you make it they say, and that was very true here. but it got to the point where i just couldnt even fake it any more. faking it was not helping me make it. i couldnt fake it long and hard enough to the point where i finally made it.

well, i started to. but then shit hit the fan with her. and this was the type of job where the new stuff never ended. it was a constant stream of new stuff. you couldnt just learn the stuff and then rest on your laurels. the new stuff just kept coming all the time, you were always like a babe in the woods. you had to KEEP faking it till you made it on the new stuff. i guess what im saying is there was too much new stuff. i couldnt get a handle on it and that drove me crazy and weakened my confidence and competence as well.

im not very mature, i am very emotional, hysterical and neurotic like a damn woman….but do women HAVE to be SO bad? SO immature? i was way more mature than she was here. except for my hysterical emotions harming myself, basically K’ing myself symbolically in a way.

like if women are so emotionally immature they can totally destroy someone emotionally and be emotional infants…..how the hell can they continue living their lives, ie doing their damn jobs for 50 hours a week and not getting fired or quitting?

i mean there is talk in the Alt Right that women should have never been given the vote, becuase theyre basically not emotionally mature enough to vote. i just dont know.

they’re not emotionally mature enough to treat people well and handle normal relationships, thats for sure!

but they ARE emotionally mature enough to handle a stressful confusing job 50 hours a week and not get fired for completely fooking it up?

but they definitely fook up relationships and other people?

i mean if she fooked up her JOB as bad as she fooked up our rel, she would have been fired on the SPOT, just like she “fired” me on the SPOT.

and really the job was a lot HARDER and more complicated and confusing than a damn rel. all she needed to do was communicate with me a little bit. and the job involved communicated with many people all day on many complicated confusing unknown issues. you can do THAT but you cant talk to ME at ALL??????

see it continues to boggle the mind.

basically if you can do that job, you are probably intelligent or stable enough to vote, i would think.

i dunno. i just struggle a lot with the idea that Women are too Emotionally Immature to handle Relationships. and that you as the man have to take ALL the responsibility to guide and lead them at ALL TIMES. i know men and women are different, but is it really THAT bad? shit i can lead and guide 75% of the time, maybe even 90%……but during TOUGH TIMES, i NEED a little reassurance from the woman. can’t they put in even 10% of the responsibility in a relationship?

i had a dream last night with woman2012 and it didnt really bother me at ALL. i would like to get to that point with woman2015 and i suppose i will. by 2019 hahahahahahahaha. in the dream i saw her and she was like yep im just really busy with work, working 2 jobs, this is my one day off to just kinda recharge, cuz otherwise i’m ALWAYS working, 60 to 80 hours a week, its intense.

i was just thinking, i would need a LOT more than 1 lousy day a week to recharge!!!!!!!!

basically i would try to recharge the second i got out of work, to the second i had to go back to work…..and it wasnt enough. i didnt have ENOUGH time to recharge even for a damn 40 hour a week job! cuz the job took THAT much out of me, and i wasnt ABLE to recharge when i got home. i wasnt REALLY “recharging”, i was just CONSTANTLY WORRYING about the job, even when i was OFF of the job. also i was worrying about other stuff too, like her. who i would see at the job every day. but i couldnt get her to hang out with me outside of the job. any more. i used to be able to.

i used to be much more confident and masculine and cool with her.

but i wish that bitches wouldnt BAIL on you the SECOND you lose frame and start showing even a little bit of weakness or need. then you’re TOO needy.

showing ANY NEED AT ALL is not being TOO NEEDY, bitches!!!!!!!

you were in a damn 4 year secsual monogamous longterm rel with a man and lived with him!!!!!! you were mature with HIM, why couldnt you be mature even just a LITTLE with ME???? where we also had a long, good, relship? just because it wasnt SECSUAL??? it doesnt matter! we were still close and intimate in other ways!!!!!!

well this is a red flag in itself: that she is SEEKING intimacy with OTHER MEN WHILE she is with another guy:

she was essentially EMOTIONALLY CHEATING on HIM, with ME!!!!!!!!

That is still a weird thought to me.  because i am so AGAINST cheating in all of its forms, but i never thought of it like that.

i would have been angry if i was him, for her to be making Good Friends with New Guys and hanging out with them. but then again i am the jealous type, and i would expect to be Judged As Wrong for being Mad about that. she can hang out with whoever she wants! its not like shes CHEATING on you!

so i was focused on the possibility of physical cheating, that i didnt really think about emotional cheating.

and what she was doing to HIM with ME, Was arguable Emotional C H E A T I N G.

i dont think she realized it; i certainly didnt realize it; because she hated cheating, and i hated cheating, and i was so happy we agreed on that.

people who hate cheating can still emotionally cheat.

you can still emotionally cheat even if you dont realize youre doing it!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

i am just realizing that NOW, 7 months after shit ENDED with her.

was she emotionally mature enough to realize she was on the thin ice of potential emotional cheating? OF COURSHE NOT!!!! absolutely not!!!! she was and is a nice person who would probably never willing cheat, but she is also ignorant and immature and frightened and dumb and confused and wrong, so………that will be a problem for all of her good intentions.

it should NEVER be underestimated that her use of the herbal j00 is also emotionally compromising her and confusing her. shit i am confused enough WITHOUT the stuff. that is a big deal, a big topic, and im of two minds on it. i luv it, but its love hate. i recognize the cons, which MOST people who partake do NOT, and live in DENIAL of the serious cons. like her. she would be in denial.

i thought it was kewl and great that my Perfect Angel and I could one day cuddle together and Blaze It Happily Ever After. that would have been a good pro. but it was not to be. and in fact it probably just made her MORE emotionally immature and emotionally retarded and emotionally wrong. easier to convince herself of the retarded conclusion that id betrayed or wronged her; and also that stuff enables you in AVOIDING CONFRONTATION. which she did NOT need any extra enabling on. it makes you AVOID RESPONSIBILITY, AVOID doing the right thing, makes you morally weak, even if you have the best intentions. i say all this from personal experience too! been there, done that, got the tshirt, literally wasted YEARS of my life on MJ and regret UNTOLD amount of potential and opportunities wasted because of it!!!!!! yet i am STILL drawn to it because it makes music better and gives you Calm Warm Fuzzies once the Anxiety and Dread wears off. but it probably makes you more anxious in general even once you quit it.

no not all MJheads are like that…..just me. hahahaha. plus i think a lot of people are in DENIAL. heck its easy to be in denial because you want to keep enjoying it.

anyway you think a WINNER like The DON is smoking MJ every day? fook no, he doesnt even DRINK. his brother threw his life away on drinking btw.

tl,dr: the MJ is ABSOLUTELY clouding her mind and judgment even if she doesnt think it is, and ABSOLUTELY had some role in why she did what she did to me. HURT me. intentionally or not. MJ makes people with good intentions do bad hurtful things they probably wouldnt otherwise do. fook yeah in that way it is destructive. i destroyed myself when i was younger with it; and with it she destroyed our relship. don’t believe the j00 media’s LIES that it is a Misunderstood Medicine.

No. W33d is For N1993rs. Have some SELF RESPECT hahahaha (line from american history x hahahaha)

i can say all this because i’ve been there, i’ve PAID THE PRICE. oh lawd have i EVER. you only learn this lesson long after the fact.

heh. love hate. like whose afraid of virginia woolf. see they hateloved each other. they hated each other all day every day, but at the end of the day, they loved each other enough that neither one of them said IM DONE! IVE HAD ENOUGH! and just walked out on the other.

call it an unhealthy attachment or codependence; i call it loyalty and true luv hahahahaha.

because their unhealthy codependence showed that they were still committed to each other on some level. no one was about to ABANDON the other. they wouldnt THINK of it. so this WILLINGNESS to still be with one another, means that with Healthy Communication (which they did not have!!) they might have resolved their hatred for each other, and dealt with the death of their son in a mature, healthy way. EASY PEASY.

so yeah its telling that THEIR relship was imho way BETTER than what OUR relationship turned into. all because of her unwillingness to communicate, or commit essentially. she de-committed from me entirely. i had no IDEA the EXTENT she was decommitted. I thought she still CARED about me on a fundamental level, underneath all the anger. and her inability and unwillingness to show any caring…….was more than hurtful to me, it was DEVASTATING.

google how to deal with abandonment

i mean the other women who left me, sure they DISAPPOINTED me greatly, but i didnt feel this sense of total abandonment. its amazing what one little talk can do in that regard.

oh its not abandonment because……i was too naive and needy and immature to get too attached.

SO THAT DOESNT MEAN YOU GET TO BE SHITTY TO PEOPLE.

its not really shitty, its all in your mind that its shitty. i was just done with the rel, its YOU who THINKS its SHITTY. thats all in your MIND.

THIS is why i want to take this to dr phil court of rel law and have them PROVE thru the EVIDENCE that YES it WAS shitty and YOU, she, is GUILTY OF BEING SHITTY. Guilty of an Honest To God Relship CRIME.

like oh i cheated on my husband but thats not shitty, its all on him for GETTING MAD about it. he doesnt HAVE to get mad. its a matter of PERCEPTION. if he learned not to get mad about his wife being nonmonogamous.

see how this is a slippery slope to absolve yourself of ANY responsibility? NO its NOT ALL PERCEPTION, SOME things are GENUINELY shitty and this is one of them! you cant just do ANYTHING to anyone and blame it on THEM that they are PERCEIVING it.

well they CHOSE to get MAD about it.

because YOU HURT THEM!!!!!!!!!!!

I might try to read this somewhat awesome seeming post aloud into my recorder so i can use it as a spoken word voie recording affirmation to listen to at the Gym or elsewhere. the main things to remember:

i dont care how emotionally immature women are supposed to be. they have to have a LITTLE responsibility. she did not even show a LITTLE responsibility.  the situation was hopeless.

it IS not just a subjective matter of perception. there is right and there is wrong, and what she did was very WRONG. damn moral relativism is a big reason i Left the Left. there is actual morality. it doesnt need to be religious per se, but right and wrong objectively exists, and can be measured and judged. and abandoning a friend of 2.67 years while they ask you to talk to them, and you just block them and leave them, is wrong as hell.

its a very fooked up thing and it would legitimately HURT ANYONE. it would hurt a confident normie quite a lot and turn them into a needy underconfident neet. and it hurt me even more. also i was not expecting it. there were red flags from her, but NOT indicating THIS. i had no indication that something THIS bad was just about to happen.

this takes time to get over, at least a year, but with no contact, and maybe some more writing of letters directly to her, i will eventually get over it and STOP wanting to be with her, and become available to have feelings for other people. where i will use the lessons i learned here, to have a decent rel with them. lessons like, communicate about feelings very early and very often. interrogate them with direct questions like a damn police detective hahahaha.

ok.

that feel when you should have lost at least 1 pound during the week but you have only lost .4 pounds in the past 7 days. BUT i can “lose” like 3 pounds a day, prob due to Water Weight and Coffee Weight. you can lose a POUND just by URINATING. get up in the morning, take a 2 pound P1ss, and THEN weigh yourself hahahaha.

dear person: i hate how you can just SIT THERE and MOVE ON with your life like you did nothing wrong. you want to get fooked by exciting new guys from tinder? you never used to be a whore. now you are. but whats just as bad is that you cant even ADMIT that what you did was WRONG. you dont even CARE about the karma. and i thought you cared about karma. we talked about karma. i thought you truly understood karma. well you didnt, regarding me.

i saw you be kind and loving and giving and committed and loyal and how you TRIED with other men. i thought you would TRY with me, to at least treat me like a valued friend. try not to hurt me too much, try to ease my pain. but you didnt lift a damn finger. just say you acknowledge that you hurt me. dont blame it on me and my perception. what you did was wrong and hurtful regardless of perception, because its undeniably wrong to treat a PERSON like an OBJECT like this. to treat a person as worthless. to treat a friend of 2.7 years as worthless is even worse. it doesnt MATTER that i got feelings for you. and also feelings are not a BETRAYAL! they just happen sometimes when men and women are as close as we were for as long as we were! we were close and intimate in a way! you shared some emotionally intimate things with me. i didnt share as much with you but i shared a little. and i appreciated your trust. i never betrayed that trust, never would. and getting feelings is NOT betrayal. i didnt have ulterior motives. i was just a friend who got feelings after a long time. i dont know entirely WHY i didnt get them earlier, well it was because you were dating somebody, and i hate cheating, and i dont like the idea of breaking people up either. i didnt LET myself get feelings until you were done with him. and remember i didnt encourage you to break up with him, like i wanted to get with you! i encouraged you to TALK TO HIM and work it out! like you should have done with ME!

and i think you DID talk to him and try to work it out, like you should have done with me, but DIDNT!!!!!! at least with him you communicated and determined the relationship could not be saved, and ended on much better terms.

didnt you WANT to end things with me on GOOD TERMS? I wrote to you and asked you, please lets end this on good terms!!!!!! and you said NOTHING! how could anyone not want to end ANY relationship on the best terms possible? why would you want to spend your life hating someone? and now i am spending way too much time being upset with you and how you ended this! and i blamed myself too, a lot. do you think i deserved that? to blame myself as the bad guy, for making this happen? I didnt MAKE this happen!!! i wish you could UDNERSTAND THAT!!!!!! i wish you could understand your role in this, and just say or do something to show me more respect and kindness. yeah you MADE me feel bad, because you showed me NO respect!!!!! when you disrespect someone, it hurts them!!!!!! i never disrespected YOU like this!!!!!

just show me you CARE about me! you cant stop caring about a person like this! you used to care about me! you can STILL care about me as a friend even if you dont share my feelings! im still the same person! care for that person! me! i didnt change at my core, just my feelings towards you did! yeah i KNOW thats uncomfortable and weird for you, its a little weird for me too! but dont PUNISH me for it! read this article which explains that its normal and natural for men to develop feelings for their female friends or vice versa. didn’t YOU ever get feelings for a male friend? how would YOU react if they did to you what you’re doing to me now? you would be quite hurt i guarantee it!!!!

dear person: another thing i was upset about was how you treated me like i did something horribly wrong. so naturally i felt like i did something horribly wrong and i felt very very bad about that. i didnt WANT to do anything wrong, especially not to you. i was shocked that i could do something so wrong completely by accident. i was desperate for a way to make amends to you and show you i was sorry. but i also disputed that i actually did something that wrong. one friend getting feelings for another really isnt a crime that needs to be punished. its not a horrible thing or a form of betrayal. its uncomfortable and weird and awkward sure, it can lead to the end of the friendship sure, but its not a horrible thing that you need to blame and hate the other person for. in fact this just makes it worse for them! if i could choose not to have these feelings i would! i didnt want to complicate our friendship like this! but complicating the friendship is not the same as me committing a malicious crime and deserving hate.  yes i understand how you could view this as a kind of betrayal or something you should hate me for, like i was lying to you or hiding something from you, or that i had a dual intent or hidden motive from the very moment i met you. i understand that. but i swear on this entire rel, on everything that is sacred to me, on the white race, that this is just not true. my feelings only started after you broke up with your long term boifran. maybe if you were available when we first met, i might have gotten feelings earlier. i just cant say. thats not how it worked out. maybe i was forcing myself NOT to have feelings, because i respected the integrity of the relationship you were in, i respect all long term relationships inherently, because i hate cheating and i think monogamy is the best. i wanted to see your relationship succeed with that guy.

would i have gotten feelings if you two stayed together? if you got married? i cant possibly say. even if i did, i wouldnt try to interfere with your relationship. i just dont do that. i have too much respect for the institution of marriage and long term monogamous relationships to ever interfere in one.

anyway the point is, its not a CRIME to get feelings and there are much different ways to react. please try to put yourself in my position. i didnt ask for this. but sometimes feelings just happen. you cant really choose who you get feelings for, or choose to turn those feelings off or on. the best thing you can do is present the feelings openly and talk about them. it affects us both because both of us are in this relationship. a friendship, especially a close and good one, is definitely kind of a relationship. i just wanted our close friendship to be even closer, where we could share even more things with each other. this would involve me sharing more of my own self than i have done before.

what if you got feelings for someone, and they treated you like you committed a horrible crime against them? not only would your feelings be rejected, but how would you feel if they treated you like a monster just for GETTING feelings for them?  its like rejection on top of rejection, insult on top of injury.

its not wrong to get feelings. it matters what you DO with those feelings. if you break up somebodys relationship with cheating, thats obviously wrong. if you lie to the person and pretend you dont have feelings, thats kinda wrong too, though not nearly as much so as cheating. there are degrees of wrongness here. cheating is super wrong, not being forthcoming about your feelings is just a little bit wrong. also, sometimes you are afraid of showing the feelings because youre afraid of rejection. it takes a lot of courage to put yourself out there in the face of rejection like that. so i dont think its WRONG to feel hesitation and fear there. especially when you might not be JUST rejected for your feelings, but you yourself totally rejected as an inferior, horrible, shitty person doing a horrible shitty crime. which its NOT.

http://www.hsperson.com/pages/1Aug08.htm

not entirely relevant article, but it does talk about the experience of sensitive people feeling difficult emotions.

ive told you i can be sensitive and have strong emotions. i know this is not manly so i try to not share these feelings too much, or to make a conscious effort to be less emotional and more manly. but sometimes its just too much to hold back. like now.

anyway its not inherently wrong to get feelings for another person even if youre already IN a relship. its what you DO about this. here, the right thing is to probably stop seeing that person, and to work on your relationship with your partner.

this is not the greatest example because i was not in a relationship. but you were. but i didnt HAVE the feelings when you were. it was only when we were BOTH not in a relship that my feelings came on.

however also at that same time i suspected you might have started dating another guy. yeah i messed up because i should have just asked you about this. and also told you about my feelings as soon as possible.

but then things ended with him really quickly. i mean everything was moving very quickly, too quickly for me to really keep up. there was a period between june and october where everything was moving very quickly and was all jumbled and confused.

i dont know. maybe you thought i was being sneak and scheming and waiting until the perfect moment to strike, and felt i was some kind of sneaky predator in that way. all i can say to that is i swear on the white race i was not scheming, and basically my feelings were starting at the same time your relationship with the second guy was ending, and yeah i should have talked to you more about that, but it all happened pretty fast. it was the timing. just general timing of your life and my life and the things going on for each of us. the timing was not great. meaning when i finally got actual official feelings for you…..you might have been “single” but you were definitely emotionally unavailable because things had JUST ended with the second guy. but if you could start dating a guy so soon after a 4 year relationship, i guess i thought maybe you could date me in short time after a 3 month relationship.

so yeah i wasnt waiting for the perfect moment to strike. because the timing of everything was just bad. however i KNEW we had to talk about this already. thats why i was always bugging you to hang out. really i was just asking you once every 2 weeks, which i dont think was bugging. and also we used to hang out, so it was a fair assumption that we would hang out again. really i wanted to TALK about everything, the tension that was starting to brew.

yeah i can understand how you were frustrated with me, but please put yourself in my position and see that im not a horrible person, i didnt do a horrible thing, and i dont deserve to be treated like this, and that to be treated like this is extremely hurtful. i have been heartbroken before, but never this bad, this long.

yeah i was bad and afraid to communicate and the timing was bad. you can blame me for being afraid to communicate, but arent we all afraid to communicate sometimes about stuff like this? also i dont think i deserve to be blamed for just getting feelings. also i think that being afraid to communicate is not such a crime that it warrants being punished by being completely abandoned. mayeb you are just afraid to communicate with me the way i was afraid to commmunicate with you. okay thats fine. but give me SOMETHING. write me emails the way i have written you emails. ask me to hang out the way i have constantly asked you to hang out. then we could TALK about this in a stress free environment. but why were you avoiding me for so long? if you were mad at me, couldnt you just have talked to me rather than dumping me in this awful way? see how i cant stop writing you long emails? its because i have so much i want to talk about, but cant. cant you please just write me a long email at least, if you are afraid to talk? its ok to be afraid. but please try to break through that fear. even a big coward pussy like me can at least write emails. and i eventually told you how i felt. and i was consciously trying to give other signs, like texting you more, and telling you how important you were to me, making you mix cds, being more intimate in the way i talked to you, basically acting like someone who had feelings for you, because i did!!!!!! i KNOW you noticed a change in my beahvior! that change was entirely because of, a result of, a symbol of, my new feelings for you!!!!!

so you ended it in such a harsh way because you felt betrayed by me. but listen to me please, try to see how this might not be a betrayal, how much this hurts me, how i NEVER wanted to hurt or betray you, and that you have the power to change this, by just talking to me. i cant do it alone. if you can accept that i didnt betray you, then you can be more compassionate to me in the ending of this rel.

and the only way we can work through this idea of betrayal, is to talk about it. but i dont feel i am being heard or listened to or empathized with at ALL.

/end for now

QUOTE

[–]mib5799 2 points 1 year ago
This is the problem with relationships.
No communication.
A little bit of proactive communication would have answered this before it happened.
Here’s the ACTUAL answer.
Cheating is breaking the rules.
What those rules are in your relationship? I don’t know. And because you never talked about them, NEITHER DO YOU.
Everyone else here is answering what they believe, which is why the answers are all over. They’re telling you their own rules, which are not yours.
Communication is the only way out of this. You have to talk to your partner about what’s going on, and where the limits are, and where you’re at now, and where you’re going.
This is the only real solution.

END

http://thecoupleconnection.net/articles/how-to-have-a-good-breakup

QUOTE:

The more direct you are, the more considerate you’re likely to be. Imagine a scenario where you break up with someone by avoiding them, or drifting away, or even putting all your flaws on display in the hopes that they’llbreak up with you.

Not only would that show a lack of compassion on your part, but it’s might also make things harder after you breakup. So, while ending a bad relationship is sometimes the right choice to make, it really is worth trying to do it as kindly as possible.

While it may seem harder, being direct is a much more compassionate way to leave your lover. Be clear that you want to end the relationship, and show your soon-to-be-ex-partner that you care how it affects them. It won’t be entirely painless, but you’ll have a much better breakup as a result [1].

END

[1] Sprecher, S., Zimmerman, C., & Abrahams, E. M. (2010). Choosing Compassionate Strategies to End a Relationship. Social Psychology, 41(2), 66–75.

http://my.ilstu.edu/~czimmer/Sprecher_Zimmerman_Abrahams_2010.pdf

full text of article BOOM!!!!!!!!!

no fooking bustle or frisky or collegetimes or thoughtcatalog women are wonderful BULLSHIT that tell you you do whatever you want and be a fookin narcissist with no regard to the mans feelings. but fookin phds in relationships. yeah i know phds are just as pozzed and degen as The Frisky hehehe.

but really there is nothign super great in the article and it is written in the shitty way of an academic article hahahaha.

https://about.illinoisstate.edu/sprecher/Pages/Research.aspx

dr susan ((((sprecher)))) phd might have some other stuff worth reading tho

Close Relationships Research Laboratory? Sign me up for a PHD with my new Favorite Faculty Adviser! illinois state phd here i come hahahaha.

http://www.iarr.org/

international association for relationship research hehehehehe find some more phds like docker sprecher

Compassionate love. L. Bormans (EDs), The world book of love: The knowledge and wisdom of 100 love professors from all around the world. Lannoo publishers (2013): 64-65.

scholars writing articles for a “non scholarly” book. basically just what i am looking for.

http://www.theworldbookoflove.com/en

http://www2.hawaii.edu/~elaineh/71.pdf

sprecher, measuring passionate love, the Passionate Love Scale oh lawd

i could call her on her cell phone number which she lists on her CV hahahahaha

NO im not gonna do that, i hate making phone calls hahahaha BUT mainly because the very idea is ridiculous and creepy and im not THAT fooked up!

Sprecher, S. (1994). Two sides to the breakup of dating relationships.Personal Relationships, 1(3), 199-222.

yep there are two sides hahahahahah. i just want her to feel a little more pain hahahaha like i am. but i dont want to be the one to hurt her. i want her to WISE UP and realize for herself that she was WRONG. i did NOT betray her and she should NOT have done this!!!!!!

how do you clear up misunderstandings? the two people NEED to TALK. maybe even with a marriage and family therapist. which i was willing to do hehehehehe.

she wants ME to feel bad for…..well she wont tell me exactly, but for being a cowardly communicator, and for a sense of betraying her.

i want HER to feel bad for abandoning me.

maybe i am misunderstanding her just as horribly as she is misunderstanding me. i didnt betray her! well she didnt abandon me!!

oh lord i thought i had made some progress today, then this…….

this is EXACTLY why i want the Court Of Relationship Law to hear the evidence and render a VERDICT.

we are both misunderstanding each other. difference is, i am dying to understand, i am dying to talk and work towards an understanding. she is not.

i want to hear her side of the story. she does not want to her my side of the story. and yeah i very much WANT to tell her my side of the story. she does not want to hear it.

i wish i could throw people away so easily and get on with my life!

NO I DONT. i really DONT want to get so RETARDED AND WRONG that i cant even discern betrayal correctly, and i never want to be able to treat people like fooking garbage objects.

i mean BETRAYAL is a heavy ass thing. when in doubt, i would just assume its NOT betrayal, that its probably just a damn misunderstanding. i dont even think what she did to me was betrayal per se. i am willing to view it as a huge misunderstanding. why cant she do the same for me? especially when what i did was so much LESS worse hahahaha. its just being afraid to talk about feelings. everyones AFRAID to have a difficult conversation. she avoids the shit like the PLAGUE. she avoided me every time i invited her.

1008 calories consumed today, 908 calories burned at gym hahahahaha. = 100 net calories and a big WARNING from myfitnesspal.

JUST TELL ME ITS UNDER 5 / NONSLUTS SHOULD SIGNAL THEIR NONSLUTTINESS AS MUCH AS SLUTS SIGNAL THEIR SLUTTINESS

1222

shit hhehehehe.

yeah great idea for schooling. with my skool, you wouldnt even need homeschool. i would have long talks with homeschoolers and be like nope nothing to worry about here, you can trust your kids with me, basically im just gonna give them of 4-5 years of JOB TRAINING, in at LEAST 32 different ACTUAL JOBS, AND give them actual working experience in some of those jobs over the summers.

then by the time they graduate high school, they will be skilled workers making at least 15dah and be able to be productive independent adults.

of course you didnt need a RADICAL NEW high school to be able to do this 40 “short” years ago! you just went to normal high school, then Got A Job like everybody else! didnt have to think about it! didnt have to outcompete 10 other interviewers for a 12dahj! (in 1975 dollars, purchasing power, adjusted for inflation etc)

they say yeah motherfooker at age 18 i was only making 2 dollars an hour in 1975. but 2 dollars in 1975 is like 15 dollars in 2015 hahahaah. citation needed.

you didnt need to spend 10 grand to learn how to become a Machinist. you just got an Junior Machinist job at age 18 and then in a few years became a Senior Machinist. and then in a few more years became machinist manager and then sit around and get drunk all day at work hahahahahahaha because you didnt have degenerate internet pron to look at in 1980. and shit was going well so you didnt care about degeneracy. you bitched abotu your wife but at least you had a wife and she wasnt a land whale and she didnt betray you! the worst she did was nag you. you still got secs and luv and LOYALTY.

anyway my concern now is having SAFEGUARDS so i dont go from 0 to 100 ever again.

but was it really 0 to 100?

i dont think so. it was at least 50 to 100.

maybe 60 to 100!

and the best SAFEGUARD against that would be what i already decided: BLURT IT OUT ASAP.

that would have released some pressure, and took me back dwn to 0.

i wasnt LYING, but i was kinda hiding a secret that i didnt really WANT to keep a secret, but i was just too scared to talk. and that tension kept rising and boiling. it didnt go 0 to 100 in one day but over 10 months. 300 days.  .33% per day hahahaha.

doesnt the power that be WANT us gainfully employed, because they can get more taxes out of us? and we will be more docile and controllable? because too many weird losers like me, they dont make taxes from, plus enough people like me, there will be RIOTS!

well are shiftless jobless blacks really rioting every day? hahahahaha well they are rioting every week, and killing each other every day. but thats not enough to scare the powers that be because…….tptb still get paid, still get votes, etc. i dont fookin know. you think i know how the world really works? i cant even take care of myself so of course i beleive in ridiculous conspiracy theories!!!!!!!

heh yep MW is having jared taylor on his hangout tonight, we called it hahahaha. this is real interesting that he is debuting all these BIG people right NOW rather than during his “regular season” of conversation videos. it really is gonna boost MW to the next tier and i am happy for him.

i am glad to see good things happen to good people. for a fellow Late Bloomer to become a Winner. i think he’s been planning this to be something big. he never intended it to be Just 7 Hangouts. Even if he had just done that it would have been great. but i think he was planning 7 Daily Hangouts, with a number of Big Surprise Guests.

so this is pretty fun. i am not a jared taylor fanatic but he is a big guy and a decent guy. he’s just not my own personal favorite. so i am trying to predict who else he could have on. I am officially predicting: Aurini, because MW is a fan of him or used to be, and hes never been on before.

maybe another person from TRS. 7th son was already on, so maybe something more in depth with 7th son or mike enoch.

it would not be unreasonable for ramzpaul to get on there either.

maybe david fookin duke hahahaha.

so yeah i didnt go from 0 to 100. when she started gving me the silent treatment i went from 90 to 100. and completely snapped. and that was the end of my life as i know it hahaha.

so……the question becomes

  1. how do i stop from going from 90 to 100? BLURT IT OUT before it gets to damn 50.
  2. what do i do to safeguard against silent treatment? use the following quote: “I feel upset when you stop talking to me and avoiding me. I feel very hurt by this. I will not tolerate this boundary to be crossed repeatedly. Let’s talk about this issue and get it resolved within 72 hours.  Write me an email if you don’t want to talk.”

yeah i never had someone SO CLOSE to me give the silent treatment. well, someone that i FELT close to. i had one other person give me big silent treatment, acollege roomate, BUT, at the time that began, i didnt really like him, i wasnt FRIENDS with him, i didnt feel close to him, i didnt WANT to be friends with him.

i NEVER had someone who was my friend, who i wanted to be friends with, pull such a silent treatment on me. i was totally unprepared.

it didnt help that i was already at 90. but i think SHE was at 90 too. and when she got to 100 she pulled silent treatment. and that pushed ME to 100 and i just totally broke down at life.

so tldr; you will have safeguards in place next time, becuase you wont BE at 90 when she does silent treament, you’ll be closer to 0, and indeed if i had just written an email, then what else would i have had to say to her?

also instead of tyring to get her to talk, i should have said “i cant take this any more. we have to talk now becuase this is FOOKED.” cuz i was being nice to her and trying to have small talk with her like nothing was happening, and apologizing like a beta for being weird. oh god the cringe hahahaha.

https      ://forum.therightstuff.biz/topic/4272/beta-thread

3DRR2we

 

like this terrible beta who apologizes and THEN adds a spergy second tweets signaling to the bitchy girl that he had sat in the corner and thought about what he had done, and had Learned A Lesson on why what he did was So Wrong. Maybe he can spergily flog himself like napoleon dynamite GOD SO STUPID!!!! every time he apologizes for giving unsolicited advice.  but i can TOTALLY see how a guy gets this way. you think people ever are constantly apologizing to guys? and also, when guys get unsolicited advice, the person is usually being a huge dick to them, trying to belittle them.

well i guess the girl is mad because he is a THIRSTY BETA, BEGGING for pvssy. and she is butthurt all these THIRSTY guys are BEGGING for pvssy all the time, trying to be NICE to her.

well i say dont be such a huge BITCH about it, if you HALF as THIRSTY as this guy, youd be twice as CRAY as you are now!

also he’s not begging for PVSSY per se, he’s just merely begging for some kind of attention and friendliness from women. hes the type of supreme gentleman who doesnt even think about Pvssy until he’s in LUV with the bitch hahahaha.

anyway him apologizing, then publicly signaling the reason why what he did was so wrong, is both Omega AND Sperg/Autist.

and i was falling into that quicksand, constantly apologizing to her for BEING WEIRD.  and then saying shit like oh i know this is weird for you and i am sorry for encroaching on your personal space and pushing you and not respecting your feelings.

i should have never let it get so far. i was already past 50 at that point, worn down into a weakass omega.

i should have said hey we need to talk about something important, i am being weird because i dont like being blown off and avoided all the time, we need to talk now, this ends now.

and that wuld have fixed everything hahahaha.

well it would have taken me back to 0 and maybe i would have reacted better if she pulled silent treatment on me at that point. and then i would have to take a asimilar approach there: i dont like this silent treatment, we need to talk. done.

so yeah it makes perfect sense in hindsight. she treated me with such contempt because i was a huge OMEGA apologizing all the time. i knew it was a bad situation at the time, but….i was emotionally compromised! i was in a bad state!

also, not all women HAVE to be so mean to omegas!

and she could have hung out wiht me once in TEN MONTHS rather than CONSTANTLY BLOWING ME OFF AND AVOIDING ME.

oh i brought that on myself because i was OMEGA.

fook that she has some responsibility too. she could have hung out with me ONCE. she responded to my texts after all. she gave me MIXED SIGNALS! i thought she was open to talking!

whenever she responded to my texts, which she regularly did, it gave me HOPE that we WOULD hang out someday! we used to hang out! no problem! usually it was real easy! never more than 2 weeks passed between the first suggestion and the actual hangout! sometimes SHE even initiated the hangout!

i just think ill never get that close to a woman of such high quality again.

yeah a white trash mudshark with huge family issues. but she wasnt a slut, had a low number, and was shy, intoverted, and non slutty, and under 25, so she was therefore My Perfect Ideal Women, instant pedestal.

hahahahaha

i get it that women are as disgusted by betas/omegas as men are by sluts. but even i would treat a slut nicely even if i didnt respect them at all. i would appreciate if i were breaking a sluts heart when she had done nothing wrong to me.

oh but i did her wrong, by BEING omega TO her. this is equivalent to a slutty gurl ACTUALLY CUCKING the guy shes dating.

no i dont think so. orders of magnitude different.

in one you are playing fast and loose with A HUMAN LIFE, ie your bodys ability to create human life.

in another, you are just being a pathetic desperate begging omega. you only hurt yourself and offend the stupid bitch youre dealing with, who rolls her eyes at how pathetic youre being. no third party innocent lives ever enter the picture.

were there more male nurses and male secretaries and male medical assistants when Women Didnt Work? probably but they jsut called them assistants or apprentices and the job itself was viewed as more masculine and certainly didnt require more than a high school education.

like, did men do all the jobs that women NOW do? i mean i understand that HR and Women Makework jobs didnt exist, but you still needed Nurses and Secretaries.

well i mean come on. didnt they have a lot more male TEACHERS back in the day?

but yeah i hate that i was reduced to a begging supplicating omega for her. and that wasnt her fault per se. sure she could have just hung out with me or just talked to me or just stopped avoiding someone she used to be friends with. she could have reacted better but i could have reacted better too, like an alpha male who doesnt take shit.

still, me acting like an omega is like -1 pain on her, and her ABortioning me was a -20 of pain against me.

well i applied for the damn post office job. it only took like an hour of typing in bullshit hahahahaha. looking up your selective service number, thankfully they only wanted 7 years of employment history hahahaha and not all years. so i only had to put 2 jobs!

what was i gonna say. yeah i can see how being an omega is so offensive to women, because heres a weak man that wont protect me and muh chirren, but……they still pick deadbeat thugs anyway, tough “protectors” that abandon their children. and have secs with anyone. its sucks for a man to be omega but i dont think its as much of a shameful crime as being a slut. being a slut is simply more destructive, and to more people.

also i would still treat sluts as people unless they cucked me directly. this woman cant even write me an EMAIL.

1223

hehehe sinead mccarthy talking about mgtow

i should listen to the vidya and not just read the comments but there are good points in the comments.

i mean it cuts to the core of my self, as i used to be a huge mgtow but now i am moving over towards the racial stuff in my older age. and a lot of my mgtow stuff came from the fact that i was/am bitter, over failure and disappointment with women. which leads to blaming of the self and an inferiority complex (“im just not good enough to get a decent woman”) with some woman blaming as well (“50%-75% of modern women are promiscuous stupid crazy bipolar sociopath narcissist psychopath slut  high number 30+ guys babykilling coalburner mudshark single mom betrayer parasite hypergamous hamster sellout evil stupid crazy soulless monsters degenerates”)

dont get me wrong, i blame myself for being a weak loser omega as much as i blame women for being degenerate monsters hahahaha.

ie, i am such a weak man the only women i can pull are degenerate monsters, who in turn Reinforce my negative thoughts about women, and probably my self.

i guess the fact that i had a successful friendship with her for 2 years counts for something. well of COURSE it does. it means i CAN connect with a WOMAN on a meaningful level for a long term period. that is huge. it means there is hope for me yet. that i am not some total wizard autist who cannot talk to women at all.

also it is important for me to understand that i didnt deserve that kind of treatment. i was not perfect at all, i could have been more…..alpha and strong and manly and courageous and brave and bold and MASCULINE. but i wasnt abusing her, in fact i had relinquished all my power to her, and she understandably found that weird and uncomfortable, but in my defense i didnt know what i was doing, i was kinda acting out of fear, fight or flight, and sliding down a slippery slope, and my idea of “fighting” was just frantic flailing like a drowning man, total desperate grasping and flailing because i couldnt fathom the thought of Losing Her.

on the other hand, when you have to reject a person who obviously has feelings for you……..FOOKING DO IT NICELY PLEASE. dont SHAME them while you reject them. if you had the worlds worst abusive relationship for years, ok maybe, and maybe she was so annoyed that she felt i made her life a living hell.

well there is a world of difference between being ANNOYING and being ABUSED.

and also being ANNOYED and having your heart totally broken.

maybe i should make sinead my waifu hahahahaha who cares about the flat earth, she is pro white and attractive and is pro-white-children and probably recognizes that monogamy is best.

did she bang the black guy we see in the pictures? is she obligated to tell us? is it any of our business?

well……i dunno how obligated anyone is to do anything, but SINCE she is a pro-white activist, it would be a good bona fide for her to directly address the COAL BURNING rumors.

heck even if she just banged one black guy 50% of pro whites could probably get over it. i mean ive made mistakes too. were all human hahahahaha. we just want to know she isnt a liar, and that it isnt a long term pattern.

shit i mean the woman of muh dreams who i threw my llife away over banged a black guy. i should be calling her coal burner mud shark bla bla bla. but i honestly dont care because it was just one guy, and she hasnt BEEN with a lot of guys, under 5, and she probably will not go Back to Blacks after this one mistake.

yes i think its a good bona fide for a woman not necessarily to State Their Number, but if they’ve been with less than 5 guys, to be proud of and signal their non sluttiness. you dont need to tell me your number, but if you say its less than 5, shit i would be happy with that!!!!!!!!! all need to know. less than 5, shit. just glad its not over 30 hahahahaha.

nonsluts should be signaling their nonsluttiness as much as sluts are signaling their sluttiness.

say you have to call your car insurance company to see if they cover a “hit and run”of somebody hitting your car in a parking lot then driving off. and you cant understand your complicated policy, or cant find a copy of it. WHO YA GONNA CALL for answers, advice, and help? you call the fooking insurance company  OF COURSE. its their JOB to service your damn insurance policy, and therefore to understand it and know about it, right? you want to CALL them and TALK to someone who UNDERSTANDS better than you do. someone who gives you confidence that they know what they’re doing, know what they’re talking about, can make sense of your policy.

and theres the rub. the poor schmuck youre calling is a Fookin New Guy who makes no more than 15 DAH at absolute maximum, and he understands your policy even LESS than you do.

uhhhhh well reading the language in this policy makes me think….leads me to believe…..i THINK what its saying is bla bla bla….. yeah it kinda looks like it might cover this…… uhhhhhhhhhhhhh good question let me ask my level 2 insurance agent that question, i’ll be back in 5-10 minutes…….yes i told him that…..well what he said was, and maybe this makes more sense to you than it does to me hahahahaha…….nope you cant talk to him directly, he’s helping 20 other level 1 agents just like me……how do i know HE knows what hes talking about? jeez i dunno. i dont know what im talking about so thats why i went to him…….nope you cant talk to him, as i say, hes slammed with 20 questions right now. but he said your policy doesnt cover this, so sorry, youre gonna have to go ahead and pay $2000 to fix your own car. nope nothing we can do. nope you cant talk to a level 2. welp you can try to call back and hope you get a better level 1 than me, im just a fookin new guy who doesnt really understand shit sorry. nope you cant speak to my manager, but i will tell them you complained about me and our whole department. i promise i will pass that along.

its cringeworthy, and how do you think it feels to be the level 1 employee in that situaiton? GOD FOOKING AWFUL, I CAN ASSURE YOU. because you WANT to HELP, you want to do your JOB, you want to make people HAPPY, you dont want people getting mad at you because the insurance company is not gonna cover shit, OOPS GOTCHA you got the wrong insurance policy, HAHA GOTCHA! because its a hit and run and the other driver didnt give you his insurance info, nothing we can do, HAHA GOTCHA! although I could never say haha gotcha. i was like damn that sucks i cant believe my company is screwing you like this, but theirs nothing i can do and no one i can transfer you to.

that is why i am VERY hesitant about seeking jobs where dealing with Complex, Complicated, Confusing issues from Customers is a main part of the job.

yep in my 12dah opinion, this is what your insurance policy is saying. i guess maybe you could hire a lawyer for 300 dah to give you a more authoritative explanation? sorry were just the insurance company youre paying for your insurance policy, we dont really know about the policy.

being put regularly in situations where you dont know what you’re doing; you dont feel prepared or trained for this; YOU DONT KNOW WHAT TO TELL THEM. “what should I TELL them”?????

yeah i hate that because i dont like feeling like an idiot. “well ok maybe youre not an idiot outside of work….but at work….youre kind of an idiot. you dont know how to DO YOUR JOB.”

fook you phaggot.

simple, straightforward, yes or no customer questions are fine though. they are WELCOME!

but explain why this piece of shit is “WORKING AS INTENDED”? fook that. no i cant explain. because its not cost effective to fix it. ITS NOT A BUG, ITS A FEATURE. ITS WORKING AS INTENDED. yeah but its a piece of shit and clearly the intention SUCKS. fix the INTENTION. nope sorry too expensive cant do it. hhahahaha. so you learn to bullshit them with yep ill make an official suggestion and forward that to product development team, probably wll take at least 2 months to build it in tho, so sorry, im sorryabout that.

and then of course just close the case because We Dont Take Suggestions For Features hahahaha.

i am very ethical. i honestly want to help the customers and to make sure the company is doing the right thing for the customers. in my previous job i didnt really get very many scammers. and the shit was so CONFUSING you couldnt TELL whether somebody was trying to scam or not.

this confusion of not knowing what youre doing for 10 hours a day does not build your confidence. it eats away at your confidence.

so yeah i dont want to even apply for Customer Service for Insurance COmpanies, are you KIDDING?

its the insurance companies JOB to DENY CLAIMS. NOPE SORRY! GOTCHA! cant really explain why but thats what my superior, who you cant talk to, said! my best understanding of his explanation is bla bla bla…..yes i explained what you said, to him…..but you dont trust me because i am clearly not good at explaining or understanding things. ok. let me read you exactly what i typed to him. ok lets you and me craft the perfect sentence, and i will read it back to you word for word, well wait 5 minutes for a response, and i will read back what he said word for word, and together we will try to decipher it, using this indecipherable insurance policy as our guide. this is what your insurance company pays me 13DAH for hahahaha

when really they should be paying 20 DAH for how ridic that job is, but then your insurance would cost even more. and the agent wouldnt necessarily know more, they would just be better compensated for facing the firing squad all day erry day.

an angry customer just wanting an explanation and you are not able to give it to them because YOU dont understand. so you literally have to force yourself to understand as quickly as possible, then explain THAT convincingly as to why you can’t help the customer in this situation.

but muh baby is dying of cancer, what do you mean you cant pay for any of his treatment?

well uhhhh it kinda looks like you went to this one doctors appointment 3 days after the cutoff period, so uhhhh technically the cancer is then a preexisting condition. i think. the policy is confusing innit hahahah so sorry about your kid/mother dying, nothing we can do hahahahahaha

yeah that kind of shit i cant handle. i would go back to stupid technical support before i went into INSURANCE. there you are saying no to people even more. i dunno its hard for me to say no especially when its impossible to understand the companys policies.

when i was young and rebellious i made bad choices. i attached my rebellion to degenerate and nihilistic things: alcohol, MJ, pornography, unfocused hatred and anger against the normies, self pity, feeling like a victim, atheism, anti-religion, leftism, marxism, sjw, and still i didnt really like women!

but it would have been nice to attach to a positive movement like pro white or reaction or far right hahahaha back when i was an EDGY teen hahaha.

well i was nihilistic and degenerate until like age 27 anyway. it took me TOO long to realize how risky mgtow was, it played on all my insecurities with wimminz.

of course wimminz were always a huge issue for me, always on my mind. but i mean reactionaries have a more positive view of women than mgtows do. and the fact is, i NEED women. i dont want to live WITHOUT women. i will ALWAYS WANT women, or be into the idea of a Special Woman to be Wife and mother of children, inparticular.

and even when i have NO women in my life and am essentially living a mgtow life…..im still thinking about women ALL THE TIME.

anyway. note to women. when you have to reject a guy who likes you…….do it nicely. even if he ANNOYS you. is he being blatantly mean to you? or just a big weak coward omega?

just very ridiculous that one of the most important women in my life could just….do something so monstrous. its dissonant. incongruent. its not right that she should be remembered in this way. a decent person who did a horrible hurtful thing.

well its not as bad as CHEATING right? no probably not. and dont plenty of people cheat, and break the heart of their lover, who thought they were a great person? such a decent person! I cant beleive they cheated on me!

what if i met an asian gurl who loved me and was very nice; AND i met a white gurl who had tons of baggage, high number, crazy, but she loved me and was willing to have children with me. both women love me and want to have children with me. one is an asian gurl with very few red flags, and the other is a white gurl with a decent number of red flags. which one do you choose? i would WANT to choose the white gurl becuase i prefer white gurls and i want white children.

ideally you say you choose neither, you find a better white woman.

but what if youre getting old and you severely doubt you’ll find a better white woman, and this is the best white woman you can get?

well i would say, if you’re 50 years old and havent had a child yet, go ahead and knock up the trashy crazy white woman. this is assuming she actually loves you and would be loyal to you. which i guess is a tall order in itself!

basically i worry i wont find a better quality white woman than this one. and i guess on paper, tehnically, That Woman was a step down in quality from the previous woman, who had been with EVEN LESS guys, and had a better family life, good relationship with father, normie as hell, mature communicator.

when i first met That Woman, possibly a part of why i didnt immed fall in luv with her, was because i felt she was a STEP DOWN from the previous woman.

hehehe but eventually i fell in luv with her anyway. cuz she didnt fail the absolutely worst dealbreakers: being a huge slut, or being blatantly insane crazy. plus she was nice as hell to me! that certainly helped win me over. its nice when women are nice to and WANT to HANG OUT with you. then it SUCKS when they start avoiding you and ignoring you hahahaha.

it was the porno for so many years, combined with the lack of contact with women for so many years. i didnt realize how degenerate porno was. i was happy to rebel against religion! but i couldnt see that porno was still degenrate and immoral regardless of religion. also i couldnt possibly view religion as a possibly good thing. i was an edgy atheist.

like i say, i think this edgy atheist nihilism degeneracy might be characteristic of OLDER millennials, while the YOUNGER millennials are actually on a good righteous moral Fashy Path. they are Getting it. they are seeing the example of slightly older failures like me and learning from them. good for the young kids, bad for the old failure virgin neets like us hahahahaha.

i was never dumped/rejected because i did something horribly wrong, like couldnt stop cheating, couldnt stop drinking, because i hurt the person who loved me too much. i was always dumped because they lost interest in me, didnt HAVE interest in me, beause i was too weak, too beta, too needy, too inferior. this definitely sets you up for an inferiority complex!

so then you think eveyrthing you do is needy. you think you are always needy or weak even if youre really not.

for example texting someone 100 times a day is need. texting them less than 5 times a day, probably not. especially if you are taking days off of texting altogether.

wanting to hang out with somebody every day is needy. wanting to hang out with somebody once every few weeks is NOT needy.

also, plain old FEELINGS can be misinterpreted as NEEDINESS by the other person, ESPECIALLY if they dont share the feelings.

well, i PROMISE you, that when THEY had feelings like YOU do, for whoever, that THEY were JUST AS “needy”.

remind them to put the shoe on the other foot. walk a mile in your shoes. really truly actually literally empathize. tell them that. tell them, well, when YOU really liked somebody, how did YOU act? before you accuse me, take a look at yourself, you fookin hypocrite hahahahahahaha.

and then MW had RamZPaul come on RIGHT AFTER jared taylor. hehehe this is almost too much. he could have gotten a full day out of ramzpaul. shit i hope ramz comes back! ramz is really good but his videos are too SHORT and too silly! but i think he is gradually becoming more serious. and its always good to have a LONGER discussion with him. so yeah ramz is getting there.

also jared taylor for only 45 minutes hahahaha. is this REALLY IMPOSING on him SO much hahahaha. is he doing MW such a BIG favor? i mean he is a natural. he clearly LIKES talking to people. and taylor speaking eloquently probably comes EASY to him. this is what he’s GOOD at. its not like me going to my stupid job for 11 hours a day, where it took every ounce of life out of me.

its not needy or controlling or abusive to want the person to not date other people! ask them, look, listen, come on, when YOU really liked someone, did YOU want them fooking other people? HELL NO!!!!!!!

my problem was, ALWAYS was, i got too strong feelings too soon. like if i were making out or having secs with a cute young girl, i would start to get feelings hahahaha.

also i think its NORMAL AND NATURAL to start getting feelings once you start getting physical with a cute young woman!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

or even if you dont get physical with them, if you are in proximity with them for a while and start becoming friendly with them. like what happened with Previous Woman. though i still got feelings for her too quick. i had feelings for her before i even first officially hung out with her.

but with That Woman, i hung out with her and actually became friends with her before getting feelings. and this was totally new to me.

so, it was kewl i didnt get feelings for her TOO FAST…..although i still kinda did. when it finally happened, it was 0 to 100. and then i couldnt put the genie back in the bottle.

the real lesson to learn is, how to MATCH/MIRROR your feelings with that the woman has for YOU. in other words, i shouldnt have gotten feelings because she clearly didnt have any for me.

well, at the time, i wasnt so sure on that! there was a time when she was SO nice to me, that i couldnt help but think she might have feelings for me! oh those were the days hahahaha

yep that was a long time ago. once i started getting WEIRD, she stopped being so NICE.

which caused me to be WEIRDER, which caused her to be less and less NICE. when finally she dumped me with no niceness whatsoever.

not really what i needed at this point in my life. what i REALLY needed was to have a nice GF and actually go out with a nice gurl longterm and monog for damn once finally! and i thought i found a great person for that.

but instead it ended in a very bad way. what is the LORD trying to teach me here. is he trying to show me whos the boss? bbbbbut i swear i wanted to have a loving christian one man one woman procreative traditional rel with her! wife her up and make some babies! no joke! i have been a degenerate in the past but why would G-d STILL be PUNISHING me for that? is that just the kind of g-d he is?

this is a holdover from my edgy youth, when i thought of the “scumbag god” who wants to deprive you from all your earthly PLEASURE. which then I supported hedonism and degeneracy and now i understand that god is RIGHT to reject that shit. now my mind is in a much more godly place, i want nondegenerate, traditional, man wife children rels with women, and still failing.

WELL. to be fair. even when i was a degenerate, i had nondegenerate feelings towards the women. i wanted to have more or less traditional, monog, loving, loyal rels with them, even when i was a degen 21 year old. i still wanted to Go Out with them. it wasnt all about degen fooking. it was about having a serious rel.

so yeah in other words i had something good and nondegen and righteous in me right from the beginning.

shit as soon as i became interested in gurls at age 12, i was a huge White Knight, wanted to have a Loving Loyal Rel with a Decent Woman. a real Partnership. With Mutual Luv. no controlling or manipulation. just 2 people luving each other and staying together for a long time.

it might be disney white knight stuff, BUT i also think its good and traditional and nondegen. and i had it from Pre Puberty. so thats a GOOD thing is what im saying, for me not being a degen or nihilist at heart.

anyway. yeah i could have told her sooner. but she could have been nicer to me.

i know women hate omegas and weakness……but she still could have been nicer to me.

i could have acted better…..but just because i messed up didnt mean i deserved to be treated THAT badly.

i made a mistake, but it was not such a hurtful mistake that i deserved to be punished like THAT.

I would never do that to somebody if the roles were reversed.

and i will never understand why she couldnt. even with the  Occams Answers of: Easy Way Out, bad father, chaotic family life, trust issues, possible mother issues.

maybe if i had all those i would do this to somebody hahahaha.

and so i just have to accept that this is it. this is all the closure im gonna get.

shit. if i could ask her WHY? WHYD YOU DO THIS TO ME? even she probably wouldnt be able to answer. she doesnt even know why she did this. again, a combination of the occam answers is most liekly.

or, she would give a bitchy answer like YOU MADE ME DO THIS. which i dont think is right, and which i DEFINITELY dont need to hear.

i really want to know the Dynamic of her major boifran. when i first met her she was very hush hush about him. but she wasnt hush hush about other things. so why him. well because things were on the outs probably. by the time i met her, 1.25 years later, they were done, and i think that last year was just all pretty bad. ok fine. so how was it in the first half? i think he was probably still really stubborn but he also drank a lot hahaha. then he stopped drinking. he probably had his own badboi issues right from the very beginning. but he was not a cheater. well i dont know though. i dont think he was. i met him and he was a good guy, just very stubborn and not a great fit for her, and she def loved him more. honestly i think he was just a full AUTIST and didnt know how to relship hahahaha. thats all. he was a stubborn autist. but a decent guy. but not a great guy for her. he didnt luv her enough. i luved her more than he did hahahaha. but he was such a stubborn autist he prob got comfortable in the rel and had no desire to go out and cheat. he was prob ok just getting drunk and having her being nice and loving to him and doing all the work hahahaha. i cant overstate, how nice it is when women turn on that nice womanly charm and are all nice and warm and loving and supportive to you. i dont get it very often hahahaha. but its VERY nice to get. very addictive.

say i met a nice white gurl like sinead mccarthy hahahaha. but she has big red flags too. flat earth? her troubled youth which i dont know too much about but that it was kinda troubled? i should just listen to that damn interview where she talks about it. perhaps a psych ward, perhaps oppositional defiant disorder. point is, she could be certifiably crazy. and youre not supposed to TRUST crazy.

but were all crazy in a way arent we?

yeah but women are more likely than men to go to shrinks and get diagnosed. usually as BIPOLAR. the even more crazy ones graduate to BORDERLINE.

but shrinks are bullshit right? meds are bullshit.

nonetheless i still think a “bullshit” diagnosis of BIPOLAR and especially BORDERLINE is a red flag.

if that woman went to a shrink, what would they diagnose her as?

basically im saying, couldnt JUST ABOUT EVERY WOMAN get diagnosed as bipolar at least, IF they went to a shrink?

anyway. the job frustration always boils down to, youve gotta give somebody bad news aka you cant help them, you cant do anything for them, because…..some stupid reason that doesnt make sense which you cant even explain to them because it doesnt make sense to you.

there are no articles on the internet on how to deal with this.

what i would do is go home after a long day and then STUDY the shit i didnt understand, until i sorta understood it better. because noone was gonna understand it FOR me.

https     ://forum.therightstuff.biz/topic/4376/is-it-possible-to-leave-autism/4

TRS is good people, right up there with millennial woes for me. they are certainly friendly towards each other.

shit 7th son is gonna be on again tonight. good man.

and red ice again AND wife with a purpose too! i do like her. not sure if she is as crazy as my other waifu sinead mccarthy. although sinead might be hotter hahahahaha. wwap has a weird face but she is not ugly ugly and she has FIVE fooking white children whom she homeschools. FIVE kids. some sinead haters seem to think she is a bandwagon jumper. i dunno. i mean sinead is still in a probationary period for me. ive listened to more wwap and wwap might be getting out of probation pretty soon, she seems to check out.  very glad to see her on MW and hope they will have one on one talks in the new year.

but its great seeing MW transform himself, stepping up to the big leagues before our very eyes. to go from being a 30 year old neet to being a man who is finally getting the respect, recognition, and luv he deserves.

like us he used to be kind of a loser but he overcame. and we are witnessing his big rise to glory right now. it is amazing. he deserves it. i just hope he makes the hangouts more regular, and has these guests on again. TRS, WWAP, greg johnson, it is just glorious. i am thankful.

http://www.seemypersonality.com/Personality-Report?x=sPIx4x4949511-4120689xs4hj2x4

http://www.seemypersonality.com/Personality-Report?x=MAQx4x4949511-316468xs4hj2x1

hehehehe my personality and relationship reports

i should try to eat less than 1700 calories a day

shit as we speak MW is doing the Female Edition with WWAP and lana from red ice ie henriks wife.  not bad. someone in the chat said they had invited sinead aka shiksa goddess but she either said no or didnt respond hahahaha.

good god, now ROOSH is in the chat room, this is just ridiculous hahaha. this is the biggest thing i have ever been a part of hahahaha.

anyway the other epiphany i had today was:

IF SHE HAS SECS VERY EASILY, SHE WILL DUMP YOUR ASS AND BREAK YOUR HEART VERY EASILY. She will treat hearts with no more care than c0x. and both should be treated very carefully.

But yeah if she thinks nothing of taking cox, you think she’s gonna care about breaking your heart? so dont fall in luv with sluts. easier said than done though, cuz its POWERFUL when qt young girls show enough interest in you to have secs with you……….and then the interest is gone, becuase they show this interest to EVERY guy, briefly.

so i was glad to find a woman that wasnt Like That.