NOT EVEN A FINALIST FOR MAILROOM CLERK

june 23

ive never seen a job posting that says DONT FOLLOW UP. I have seen “NO PHONE CALLS” which I guess might be code for that.

I bet “progressively increasingly responsibility” is CODE for dont hire losers like me who might not technically job-hop……but they never move UP in their Career because they are an unambitious loser, who just Shows Up To Work. doesn’t ATTACK their work with gung ho initiative. they might not be scared of work, but they are scared of progressively increasing responsibility. we dont want such a SLACKER. only marginally better than a JOB HOPPER.

oh sheeeeeit. this job tomorrow is 15 DAH. no WAY am I gonna get that. #Fight415 hahahahahahaha

NOICE. rejection email for MAILROOM CLERK job I applied to at least 2 months ago.

applied april 1, rejected june 23 NOICE

CANT EVEN GET AN INTERVIEW FOR MAILROOM CLERK. I was not a FINALIST for MAILROOM CLERK.

cant even be a finalist for mailroom clerk, cant even get dumped via text.

i dont care, i am a HUHWHYTE SUPR3MIST!!!! 14 WURDZ!!! HUHWHYTE POWER! HUHWHYTE POWER!!!!

Too bad I can’t use some of that Huhwhyte power to Get a Job and Get a Huhwhyte Huhwyfe, hahahahahahaha.

oh heres a good protip. some companies jobsites dont even allow you to set up a job email alert for new job postings in the area.

so now you have to go to indeed and see if you can find that company by typing company:(marxist univershitty) in city or zip whatever. then FOLLOW the company, then look in your job ALERTS, then find the company again, and then change the alert from weekly to daily. this way you will get notified same day of any new postings. also if it’s a big company in many states or cities, change that alert so its within 10 or 20 miles of your home for that company, so you don’t get alerts for jobs in fooking california or some godforsaken state where you dont live.

i saw a young blond girl at my social thing. she was definiitely under 25 and over 21. maybe 21 or 22. so ridiculously cute. had natural, long blond hair. no makeup. was not dressed like a whore, except her Jeans were a little tight. but she had this innocent look too which I liked. I said YASSSSSSS if I were hanging out with THAT gurl, I WOULD forget about THAT woman and fully get over her.

though what do i say to talk to a 22 year old gurl whos CLEARLY out of my league?? plus I think she was Fooking one of the guys in her group.  He didnt look SUPER alpha. I was a bit envious because good lord. i mean the gurl was hawter than supermodels or porno bitches or whatever The (((((Media))))) says that men think is hawt.

NO. Men think normal regular young gurls are hawter than any MODEL. But so many women are fat potatoes hhehehe.

Hey I’m no longer overweight! I’m simply asking for a woman who has the same BMI as I do!!!!

also if they have some Fat on their Belly or Hips or Thighs or Fat Ass, that’s PERFECT. just dont be a fooking shapeless stumpy potato.

apparently 70% of employers have a Pet Peeve when Candidates apply who are CLEARLY not qualified hehehe. well then they probably hate me!

interview tomorrow, havent even looked at shit yet, but i have applied for 7 other jobs hahaha.

196 jobs. soo close to the 200 mark. well this is not exact because some of those emails include 2 or more jobs, and some jobs do not send confirmation emails.

just imagine some dark, big-lipped, knuckle-dragging “google”. if he can work a job and make 15 DAH, SO CAN YOU, HUHWHYTE MAN!!!!!!!!

HUHWHYTE POWER!!!! HUHWHYTE POWER!!!!! 1433!!!!!

See this is TERRIBLE for the movement, and I am sorry guise. I KNOW you need better representation. Like the handsome, young, strong, successful young man spotted in texas wearing a TRS shirt and trump hat. He probably has a great job and a decent GF and will have a nice huhwhyte family. huhwhytes dont need NEET losers coming out in front……lest normies think that all huhwhyte 1433ers are neet losers. i mean this has already been the stereotype forever, and only in the past year or so has there been any significant progress made in changing that stereotype, and I am not helping in that regard WHATSOEVER!!!!!!!

so yeah don’t take me as a representative for the movement. they are much more successful at life than me. i wish I could be an asset to muh holy race and not a liability!

but i dont care! I will luv muh huhwhyte race as much as ever loved any huhwhyte woman, and certainly more than any woman ever luved ME!

I have a RELATIONSHIP with the HUHWHYTE RACE! a pretty healthy loving monogamous relationship! better than I have had with any woman!

it’s two sided! it supports me, and I support it!

It looks NARCISSISTIC when you project the amount of CONFIDENCE you NEED to have to SURVIVE at a bare minimum, meaning, 15 dollars an hour, and to get a woman to not abort your baby. if you dont have that natural confidence, you HAVE to fake it till you make it, and when you have to fake a whole lot of confidence like this (becuase it does take a LOT of confidence), it can look like narcissism to the unconfident, neet, loser, depairing eye.

be v10l3nt. (warning: not advocating v10l3nce.) by that I mean Have A Predator’s Mindset. Not afraid to beat the shit out of aggressors, or anyone who looks at you funny. Don’t Be Afraid To Use Violence When “Necessary”, and have a hair-trigger for determining that level of necessary. be like an google or a jihadist and beat the shit out of wimpy phaggots just because they LOOKED at you the wrong way. this is a sure sign of the confidence you need in life.

in previous generations the MEEK used to be able to survive. get a 15 dahj, and maybe even have kids with some crazy skank, or some ugly beta woman for a wife. but no more. the meek are getting slaughtered.

i mean its stupid to take a 30 question “IQ” test for a 12 dahj, then a 150 question (ONE HUNDRED AND FIFTY) question personality test. I mean, the tests i can understand……..if you become a Finalist just by taking the test. but I will do well on the iq test, probably do pretty good on the pers test, and still not be a finalist for a 12 dahj accounting clerk job.

hehehe there is even a warning saying dont try to game the pers test to what you THINK people would want, tehre is a measure in there that is meant to detect lying, and you will be disqualified.

oh shit waddup dat boi

b76aef22ea0161d7b26c8e731237cf3bb6cd3e1d

AYO HOL UP

see the frog speaks AAVE and I am marginalizing that hahahahah AYO AYO AW SHEEEEEIT WAADDDDDUP DOE

AAVE, sukk muh dikk damn google skypes hahahaha. its a damn frizzy haired mulatto google skype with a phd in african american studies that came up with that word AAVE i bet any money.

ingras hahahaha.

but yeah just be OBNOXIOUSLY CONFIDENT. yeah I guess to be a well rounded not OVER confident normie is best, but its hard to have that equanimity and security when you are just Faking It.

i know women like that, but i didnt realize how much employers are the same way.  like stupid bitches who just want googlish, chest-pounding narcissistic gorilla big man thuggishness.

what is the huhwhyte version of Hypermasculinity?

Maybe a Slavic Strongman? maybe something like Thor?  The Golden One? Yeah basically. these guys are big and they are RIPPED.

still havent prepared for interview at ALL. havent printed shit out, havent prepped muh Stories, havent done Jack Shit, its like a Homework Assignment from College that I’m procrastinating on.

here’s why i don’t like women:

WHY DO YOU NEED TO BE WITH 10 GUYS BEFORE YOU GET MARRIED?

WHY DO YOU NEEEEED TO BE WITH 5 GUYS BEFORE YOU GET MARRIED?

I don’t NEED to be with 5 WOMEN before I get married!!!!!!

So why do you NEED to be with SO MANY GUYS? fooking degenerates.

june 24

well had my interview at the …..education place. on paper it sounds really good. they give training in like and to employers who apparently cant do it themselves hahaha. there is a huge ass facility with big expensive equipment.

i talked with the director who was a……darn S (type of huwhyte) hahahahaha. dont want to mention too much re opsec and doxxing, because you dont see many S’s around these parts. but i of course have a hardon for these hyperboreans. while searching for his email address afterwards i found a press photo of him standing with prezident barry obongo hahahahahaha when the prez actually visited this facility during a visit to our state. because it has significance to the economy and jobz. training working class people to work with. techmology etc.

hahaha so technically i talked to a guy today who had talked to barry a few years ago hahahaha and had pictures taken for the paperz to prove it. 2 degrees of separation.

i was nervous and talked too quickly, but i did OK i guess. the interviewers were nice enough. even the S guy did not try to bust my balls or freeze me out with S coolness, hahaha.

sent the thank you email.

they said they would decide quickly, like next week.

it seems like a great place and it was pretty quiet in there, no phones ringing off the hook.

put its just part time and temporary.

technically i would probably take the nursing home backoffice job over this, just because that is full time and permanent.

hehehe i guess if they offer me, then say listen if this nursing home offers me, im gonna have to take it.

AW FOOK I forgot to ask is there a chance of this job being made permanent. its all to do with grants and funding and shit.

is there a chance of the job being made full time. well….probably not hahahaha. getting a full time job at this organization is fookin impossible. they have like 1 ft opening a year for phd-level (or at least MBA) administrators and directors and shit.

yet i interviewed for an FT job there once that only required an associates degree. I did not get it and I was pretty pissed. cuz it was with the actual department i had worked in.

had a dream last night that had That Woman, dont remember much, but we were arguing very unproductively. She was bad at me and was being a brick wall. not much different than real life, except she was willing to be a brick wall to me IN PERSON.

maybe it means even if we HAD met up, it would not be a good talk, and she would still Stonewall me.

but its so much better to be stonewalled in person than stonewalled from a distance hahahahaha. shows they are still willing to spend time alone with you outside of work hahaha.

was watching the first episode of luther yesterday. i like the show even though i wish luther was white. but idris elba plays the role well. so i just pretend he’s white. but he’s always dating/fooking these WHITE women. so I’m conflicted. I wish he would just be with other white-acting black women.

also I am WELL aware that he could make ANY white woman Go Black. White Women LOVE him and think he is the secsiest man ever. And he does have a lot of masculine charisma, and is a Big Masculine Man. I can see why the ladies luv him. but have some damn racial hygiene. but women just don’t have that in them. it’s up to men to manage the purity of the race. women will just have mud babies with any big secsy black ape hahaha.

but luther is essentially a very hwyte acting black guy. i am sure there are horrible articles out there talking about how this is problematic, that luther’s blackness is essentially ignored.

anyway, basically I just pretend he is white, and try not to bitch about his wife being a mudshark. but she is a total lawyercvnt who does a trial seperation, and luther wants her back, only now she’s fooking a new man (a white guy) and she loves him and she blames luther for the marriage failing, because he was distant and married to his work. so i say give him a damn chance, don’t dump him and start fooking a new guy! luther wants to make this work! meet luther halfway!

so luther gets upset when she dumps him, and he breaks a door in her house. does this mean luther is a bad woman beater? of course not! but when you break a damn door or punch the wall, stupid women see this as abuse, or a red flag. but its NOT. you’re just RIGHTFULLY ANGRY she is leaving you in the lurch, not giving you a chance, not wiling to make an effort, and just dumping you for another guy she’s fooking.

but luther is not really protrayed as ABUSIVE though. We KNOW he wouldnt beat HER. but we also know he is a bit unhinged and bipolar and hell yeah he’s gonna break a door. But I at least trust him not to beat her. and he doesn’t. at least not in episode 1. but he is upset and pounding on her door pleeeeasssseeee talk to me for 1 minute!!!!!!! adn she doesnt want to talk.

so i see her as a total bitch and i sympathize with luther totally. apart from him being black and her being an obnoxious humanitarian lawyercvnt. she WOULD be.

I know later he gets involved with a troubled young white gurl.

why can’t he just find a nice black gurl?

so apart from that, the show is pretty good.

also i find it weird that a woman can resist this masculine Ebony Hunk. who’s a bit of a badboi and a fixer, but he makes a great living as a ….DCS? DCI? im sure he makes good money in his detective job. you dont just start out in a job like this. he’s been Promoted many times. he is essentially A Manager. a position of Authority.

also, blaq people arent as smart as luther hahaha.

wow brexit vote leave, that is pretty interesting. that is prob a good thing. certainly us racist rightist nationalists agree the eu is bad and uk should leave it. be very interesting to see how this plays out. i mean its reason to be cautiously optimistic.

i wonder how my 401k is doing hahahaha. uh it has lost like 90 dollars from when i first started it hahahaha. what a fookin waste.

i dunno i like anything that da joos and the leftist commies dont like. and they say its onyl racist fascist nationalist uneducated FOOKING HWYTE MEN who want to leave. well looks liek the good guys won then hahahaha.

so….ok. if they offer me this job with the S , say yes i’d love to BUT be aware if I get the offer from the “assisted living facility” I will HAVE to take that, which means I will leave you in the lurch after 1 or 2 weeks.

heh. assuming I get TWO offers AT ONCE.

ok so thats NINE interviews. I guess I should expect at least 14 interviews before an offer right? 14? lucky 14? as in 1433? certainly 1433 interviews is way too much. I don’t think I’ve even done 1433 interviews in my whole life, hahahahahaha. i don’t think the biggest job hopper has done 1433 interviews in their whole life!

i wonder if i can get BANNED from (((wordpress))) just for using the number 1433. VERY PROBABLY.

i have become wat ramzpaul calls “the 1433 crowd” and I LUV it hahahaha.

ridiculous. i was being interviewed by a S who was photographed showing the same facility to barry hussein obongo. good god how ridiculous. he seemed like a good alpha male though. i like S’s (well, in theory) and he seemed like a decent guy. but I am INTIMIDATED by power and authority, because its exactly what I don’t have. Women are not so intimidated by it, but they think its SEXY. which is why they dont think Im sexy at all hahaha. I know this guy has been married for 2x years. HOPEFULLY he has at least 3 children. hopefully he is married to a hwyte , if not S woman. i would be surprised if he were married to a nonwhite. power white men in this area rarely get married to nonwhite women.

i TOLD you I was obsessed with race and being white.

took 4.44 mile powerwalk. beautiful evening. 78-80 degrees.

i would totally take her back. i simply dont have feelings for anybody else. i would bang other gurls but i just cant imagine having feelings for them. and i wouldnt want to marry or Create New Life with some broad i didnt have FEELINGS for.

like i had with her!

if she came back to me i could TOTALLY rekindle. pick up where we left off. re establish the good shit we once had. and I would put SAFEGUARDS in place to make sure this shit didnt happen again. for example, i would ask her once a month “thinking of leaving me? dont. talk to me about it first” hahahaha

and some intense poundings and spankings would be more than enough to DOMINATE her and make her be LOYAL to me. i would pound and spank the shit out of her.

ok i will tell them i have 25%? 33? 40% chance of getting this nursing home job (dont call it a nursing home, call it long term care) which is full time and permanent. whats the perfect percentage? I think about 25%.

i mean i NEVER know realistically what the percentage is anyway. 1 out of 14 hahaha. 7% chance of getting any job.

but yeah i would take her back.

in my state there are more openings, far more, for mechanical engineers than electrical engineers.

well, i’m sure either one would do well in any state.

i mean i dont give a shit about anythign but finding a good white wife. and i found one and she left me bwawawawawawawawaw. and i need to replace her with a better or at least good ENOUGH white woman to make me FORGET about her.

i mean you never forget, but you CAN move on. i haven’t forgotten about woman2012…..but really i might as WELL have for the little i think about her, and I truly don’t want her any more! i mean yeah if she came back into my life i could probably stir up some interest haha. but it just doesnt BOTHER me at ALL anymore.

the shit with woman2015, That Woman, still bothers me a LOT, every DAY.

woman2012, doesnt bother me at ALL. dont even think of her once a WEEK.

well at least i got at least 2 solid Job Leads today when I skipped applying for Jobs to go to muh interview.

the job sounds confusing as fook. i told them i have “pretty thick skin” and can handle the bantz. and can work well under pressure and not take stuff personally. hehehehe. well its TRUE that I got pretty GOOD at working under pressure at the call center. I just forget about that because I lost all muh confidence in the last 3 or so months i was workign there. because of the situation with her. i totally lost confidence in my job.

if she werent THERE at the JOB, and I were just having Problems With My Wife, i dont think it would have affected my confidence at work so much.

but to see her there ignoring me and hating me and being friendly with other guys, probably fooking them the whore, hahahah, that was too much. i hate seeing muh women rejecting me and then seeing the other guys who are my competition. who are then succeeding where I failed. i cant handle seeing any of that shit. even if theyre not rubbing it in my face per se. i just dont want to see ANY of them. well, mainly the woman. if she quit the job at that time, i would probably still be there. well, id be collecting unemployment now and i prob would be more confident about taking a new job at a new place, where i might be a level 2 or supervisor. god i hope she’s not a supervisor at HER new place. fooooook me. fook her. i wonder who shes fooking. i wonder how many guys shes fooked in the past 11 months. 1? 2? 3? 4?

THERES NO NEED TO FOOK MORE THAN 4 GUYS BEFORE YOU GET MARRIED.

hehehehe. no need to fook more than THREE guys.

let alone three guys in ONE YEAR!!!!!! horry sheet! DEGENERATE.

public shaming would keep women from doing this. this is why slut shaming is GOOD. we need MORE of it. it keeps women from being sluts. like if you publicly flogged, or wore a scarlet letter. it wouldnt cost the taxpayer 50 dollars a day to punish you. just a public flogging and shave your head bald. i guess a scarlet letter, how would you enforce that? that would cost too much money to enforce. but a flogging and head shave? less than one hour of 12 dollar an hour work. and you could make the woman pay for it.

we are going to flog and shave sluts heads, and we are gonna make sluts pay for it!!!!

how about locking a chastity belt on them? it would be like having an ankle bracelet. i had one hahahah. you cant just take it off. if you do, the court is automatically notified. and you pay a shitload of money for it.

pay a 10000 dollar fine for being a slut. then i guarantee you would stop being a slut. like i stopped drinking. although its more shameful to be a slut than a drunkard hahahaha. cuz i wasnt degrading my babymaker hahahaha. although i guess i could have killed somebody. still not as bad as abusing you babymaking ORGAN and, more profoundly, your babymaking ROLE. with great power comes great responsbility, and sluts abuse that power and totally shirk that responsibility, shamefully!

THEY DESERVE TO BE SHAMED!

I bet those 2 sluts I was with when I was young have been with BLACK guys! well, the first slut at least! but good chance on the second one too.

i just dont have PROOF of it, the way i do with That Woman. pictures of her getting jizz blasted on her pretty white face from idris elba hahahaha. daddies cvmmies hahahaha. that is a terrible meme.  copypasta from some submissive sluts who like to find a dominant “daddy” and then they BEG him to jizz on their faces and they call it daddys cvmmies.

well i kind of like the idea of being one of those dominant daddies hahahaha and some little slut BEGGING to get DEFILED by me. but i wouldnt marry the gurl. i would gladly enjoy a phase of degeneracy with her though!

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ITS IMPOSSIBLE FOR SLAVES TO ABUSE THEIR MASTERS / FEMALE PROMISCUITY IS A WAY BIGGER MORAL THREAT THAN G4Y SECS / JUST ACT LIKE U CARE THAT IM NOT DED / KNOW YOUR REPRODUCTIVE ROLE

1207

112 days NIC (not initiate contact ie email), 146 since i last talked to hcr and shit hit fan. ok.

switching back to coffee from tea here. 6 scoops.

eli the im not sure what he is computer guy talks about getting in good Mental Health, a decent talk from a charismatic guy who has given me better training than my tech-related job, and is a great resource when you are thrown to the wolves in a tech related job and have no idea what you are doing.

but yeah he is an energetic “aspie” who does not seem to be affected by despair or anxiety, he is just on a different level. but i say take the big pharma plutocrat poison if it helps you even a little bit.

but his wife got cancer at a young age and thankfully they apparently had the insurance to deal with that. i would just give up! but now she cannot have children, and eli always wanted children, so this is a big deal for him. for them! maybe she really wanted children too! why wouldnt she? most women probably want children and i cant blame them! its very natural!

anyway now he is turning down work so he can go hiking in the wilderness and deal with that issue hehehe.

he also drinks 80 ounces of coffee a day without shitting his pants constantly and freaking out, so i am jealous of that. i wish i could drink like 20 ounces of coffee without shitting my pants hahahaha.

heh you would think being abandoned is something men do to women more. they probably do.

im not sure shes a NARCISSIST but abandoning someone like this is a very narcissistic thing to do.

silent treatment is different than a COOLING OFF PERIOD

because after the cooling off period they eventually come back and talk to you.

i kinda wanted to let her know this was WRONG, you cant DO this to people EVER, i was DEVASTATED when she did this to me.

then i thought, well shes not gonna respond; i still wanna get together with her; still luv her; AND she might say “WELL THATS YOUR FAULT. YOU DIDNT HAVE TO BE SO HURT. DONT GET FEELINGS SO HARD AND FAST. NOT MY PROBLEM. WE DIDNT ACTUALLY DATE, YOU CLINGY NEEDY PSYCHO.”

wihtout recognizing that that is irrelevant, you still dont do this to poeple, and SHE OUGHTTA KNOW.

hehehe you outta know, i am alanis morisette.

only i am not a degenerate who sucks off guys and drinks loads in a public theatre hahahahaha

well she can prob figure out that its wrong to give someone the silent treatment like this…..

shit i might go for an outdoor walk, just for 1 hour though.

anyway the CONSENSUS of REASONABLE PEOPLE would say you dont end ANY kind of relationship, even a Friendship on the Outs, by avoidng and ignoring the other person; and especially continuing to ignore them when they BEG you to respond to the them. the consensus of common sense is, this SPEAKS VOLUMES abotu THEM, not YOU. mainly that they are a weak coward who cant face life hahahaha. they are telling you they are nowhere NEAR mature enough to be in a rel with you.

also, BEGGARS CANT ABUSE THEIR MASTERS. ITS IMPOSSIBLE. SLAVES CANT ABUSE THEIR MASTERS.

also i wanted to say that 8chan/pol moans abotu WOESY being a degenerate because of his gay past and technical Bisexuality. they just dont care that he is anti gay degeneracy and that he is probably MORE hetero than homo.

and what i would say is……. HETERO WOMEN ARE WAY MORE DEGENERATE THAN HOMO MEN.

or…..to put the focus on the behavior: promiscuity in hetero women is way more degenerate than gay sex.

in other words, neoreactionaries are quick to condemn f4ggots as degenerate and i am sure many gays certainly are, with their glory holes and standard fook parties and g4y 4n41 fisting and such, but what about the loving nonpromiscuous monogamous gays hahahaha.

the point is, the most DANGEROUS and PREVALENT form of degeneracy is Average MOdern women SLUTTING IT UP in their 20s. this happens WAYYYYYY more and is WAYYYY more destructive than gay men being gay. theres simply not that MANY gays or gay sex.

in other words, FEMALE PROMISCUITY IS A WAY BIGGER MORAL THREAT THAN GAY SECS.

yet women dont understand this! women, have have the BIGGER risks than men for secs, dont understand the way their own bodies work! you have to mansplain their own bodies to them! this is so frustrating and makes them seem so dumb and infantile!!!!!

shit i could be DEAD for all she knows. we might have been on the outs, but didnt she care enough about me to know if i was DEAD or not? that hurts.

i would never do this to someone. even if i wanted to break someone elses heart but couldnt. i wouldnt just break any persons heart as a substitute!

if i knew the person for 2 and half years and they were so upset they quit our mutual job, i would Reach Out to them (fook i hate that term) and say “come on. lets work this out. i dont want you to quit your job because of me. we can figure this out. lets talk about it and try to get along with each other. dont quit your job. thats a big deal. lets work together here. lets dialogue” hahahaha. ”

dont quit your job because of me, dont k yourself because of me, dont self destruct because of me hahahahahha

nope. absolutely no concern for me. like i say i could be DEAD for all she knows. would she even care?

maybe she would, maybe she wouldnt. she probably would a little but wouldnt express it even if i begged her to. then she would know i wasnt dead hahahaha.

file this under being treated humanely and respectfully,like a human being. you dont have to love me. just act like you care that im not dead.

woooaaaaahoaaaaaaaa ahm still alive whoooaaaawhoooaaaa

now i understand this song hahaha. im not dead, im still alive. same as her! heh it would hae been easier if she just K’d me. cuz damn i am still alive. i am alive as FOOK but i feel like the living dead.

slutty women are HARMFUL TO SOCIETY AS A WHOLE. makes it more chaotic and degenerate. increases fatherlessness.

male promiscuity is nothing to encourage, but female promiscuity is way more harmful. also, if we stop female promiscuity, then male promiscuity wil be stopped as a result. you cant have male promiscuity wihtout female promiscuity.

sex is something that women HAVE that men WANT. essentially sex is synonymous with Vag, NOT with P33n0r.

and WOMEN dont understand this. but they dont NEED to understand it, thats still how they operate.

its not a risk that can be removed by society. (well, it can be DISCOURAGED by society!). meaning, womens NATURAL REPORDUCTIVE ROLE is to be the CARRIER OF CHILDREN; and men are the depositers of sperm. this is the way its ALWAYS been, and its NEVER GONNA CHANGE.

KNOW YOUR REPRODUCTIVE ROLE.

so women can pretend they are the same as men and go out and fook promiscuously………that doesnt change a DAMN thing about those roles. they can STILL get pregnant, men never will. you dont even NEED to attach morality to it (although I certainly like to!!!!!!!!!) even from a totally amoral, utilitarian, total utility to society, the greater good type of standpoint, women slutting it up is NOT GOOD. and SHOULD be shamed and judged.

hahahaha maybe i am just reading the worst articles, and then the WORST sluts come out and comment on them.

maybe normal, average women DO understand this, their reproductive role, which is a fancy way of saying, women get pregnant, men impregnate them, so if youre a woman, BE EXTRA CAREFUL.

but among progressive, educated, middle class j00 york times readers……common sense is not so common.

did a 3 mile walk, 1 hour, not bad. good to do in the middle of the day hahaha. will of course go back to Fat Club later tonight.

I saw a guy at the Club i vaguely know. i know him but he doesnt know me really. he was really friendly and everybody loved him because he was awesome and nice and smart and probably a good mentor and role model.  he enjoys his job and enjoys life and was well respected at his job. instructor of business & marketing ok. he probably has an MBA, you gotta have a masterz degree to become even a part time (“adjunct”, ie 90% of all instructors) instructor.

well you say hes a loser because he is teaching at a loser college, is what people from muh oven middle class j00niversity would say. thank god i dont believe that classist crap any more hahahaha.

anyway he might recognize me if i went up to him, but i have been avoiding him, because i would say, welp, i left old job 2 years ago, then went to a higher paying “better” job, but i quit that because i am mentally unstable and couldnt handle it, and now am at rock bottom and have no goals and no prospects, who would hire a loser like me, all jobs suck, and mah medz and shrink arent really working hahahahaha.

but he was the nicest guy. i couldnt believe someone could be successful and respected, without being a cutthroat asshole. and his area was BUSINESS of all things. well, marketing. but marketing is business hahahaha.

http://takimag.com/article/spare_the_job_wreck_the_child_gavin_mcinnes/print#axzz3QknBawhl

interesting article on the Value Of Work hahahaha

well i started a job at age 16  but it was an easy job and i didnt learn much about life and did not get tough or masculine hahaha. i almost wish i had been Forced to work fast food, retail, restaurant, or really a honest mans manual labor job like carpenter or mason or something.

it really does NOT feel good to be a huge loser!

shit when will i ever make 15 bucks an hour again. cant believe i couldnt handle a woman.

couldnt handle my EMOTIONS. 30+ years old and cant handle my emotions!

well better go back to fatclub.

1208

oh when will those bigoted white males ever learn: punching UP is funny. punching DOWN is NOT funny. NOT ok. talk abotu missing the point.

2 minute exaholics video about your partner just vanishing without a word. nothing new here but its always good to hear other people say it: its their fault not yours hahaha.

ghosting, narcissists, decent vidya by a female TheRapist/AnalRapist hahahaha. no i liked this video and dont mean to make fun of her. even if she is probably a feminist lesbian hippie, not usually my preferred type of person hahaha.

but shes got a lot of videos about narcissists and rels, so i subbed hahahaha.

hehehe maybe i was the narcissist because i didnt want her to abandon me hahahaha.

in order to not be a narcissist, you have to want your loved ones to abandon youhahahaha

heh i think near the end she was really showing some Narcissistic traits like Blameshifting and Avoiding but i dont think she was a real narcissist. she was under a lot of stress and was completely emotionally unavailable to me and acted in some narcissistic ways at that time. but when things were good, she was so kind and caring and selfless she could not possibly be a real narcissist. but i wish she was better at communicating with me. you can be stressed and emotionally unavail, and still communicate.

she communicated with others. but she was invested in them, she loved them.

not a good enough excuse!!! YOU DONT HAVE TO LOVE SOMEONE TO COMMUNICATE WITH THEM!!!

she could have still communicated with me even if she was not in love with me.

write an email perhaps. or one text hahahaha. or have her family or friends contact me and say shes sorry about all this.

113 days since IC ahahah. initiating contact. days NIC. 147 days since i talked to her. maybe 145 days since ive SEEN her hahaha.

she didnt always give me the silent treatment. she was just distant and made excuses not to hang out, but she still talked to me and was someone nice to me. when she started giving the official silent treatment, i totally lost it immediately. i snapped.

i guess if it were a real cooling off period, she would have eventually responded to my emails, or responded to that one after 1 month of not seeing her.

but yeah it wasnt always silent treatment. once silent treatment started, i FLIPPED OUT IMMEDIATELY. that sucked. wish i hadnt done that.

i didnt really like this one cuz she blamed the man for “forcing” his wife to become distant and kiss another man. and she thinks that silent tretment occurs because you are CRITICIZING them and they dont like it so they give you silent treatment.

i dont think i was criticizing, i was just saying im worried, we dont communicate, we dont hang out, i dont want us to be distant, i dont want to lose you, please lets work on this.

i wanted to talk, she didnt want to talk.

i wanted to try to work on the rel, she didnt want to try.

HOW DO YOU COMPROMISE WITH THIS???

what, do i just say, ok i’ll manage my expectations, and no longer want you to talk about problems.

theres no middle ground here. either you talk, even a litle bit, or you dont.

i guess talking a LITTLE BIT would be the compromise. because then you could have a short, shitty talk which doesnt get to the root of the problem, then she can say OK I TALKED, YOU HAPPY????? and you would say no because it was a short shitty talk that didnt address anything. which probably would be the type of talk we would have had.

this is why i like writing emails, because you can say everything you want to say. of course they dont have to read or respond to everything! they can ignore the more important things! like when i sandwiched important things in with small talk. she would respond ONLY to the small talk and ignore the big talk. and these were not long emails, they were just little chats at work.

obsess abotu woman during the day, obsess abotu jobs and jow useless and skillless and valueless i am durng the other parts of the day. never get a job for an adult man. if i do, not be TOUGH enough to WITHSTAND, and quit like a sensitive phaggy weak millennial sissy whos afraid of work.

did a 3 miler in the cold, try to to a 7-8 miler later tonight at fatclub.

anyway i dont think she is a true narcissist. the 2 gurls i psuedodated were more narcissistic, although they caused me less hurt (in the long run hahaha) and dumped me nicer.

she was taking a page from the narcissists cookbook, ie silent treatment and stonewalling and passive aggressive and ghosting are definitely typical textbook classic narcissist things. but i honestly dont think she was a narcissist, as much as she was overwhelmed and cowardly and Avoidant.

so shes very close with her mom. she could have her MOM email or text me. i would accept that as an apology.

but shes probably convinced her mom that i am as big of a creep as her deadbeat father hahahaha.

abandonment issues. i dont get the hate. PEOPLE HAVE ABANDONMENT ISSUES BECAUSE ABANDONMENT IS HORRIBLY PAINFUL. you are RIGHT to have an issue about it. it sucks and shouldnt be held against someone. unless it’s directly causing issues in your rel. like they jsut dont believe you would never abandon them, so they never trust you, and go and cheat on you hahahaha. i laugh but you know this happens a lot! you pushed me to cheat on you because i didnt trust you! even though you never did anything to show you were untrustworthy. or you did one little thing they RATIONALIZED as an excuse not to trust you. like you worked late one day! oh that settles it hes cheating on me! so its ok if i cheat on him! cuz he wasnt trustworthy!

in that case i migth mention abndonment issues as being a bad thing.

but yeah abandonment is bad and rightly causes issues.

and people need to communicate with each other to deal with issues.

anyway i just feel completely emasculated re jobs. i cant do any jobs, i cant handle the stress, i cant handle the abuse, and this is only if im LUCKY enough to get a shit job.

well fact is, I did my previous job, which was shitty, BUT there PLENTY of jobs that are just as if not more shitty, plus teh pay was not shitty.

i can see what gavin mcinnes was trying to say in that takis article above, but reading stuff like that does not boost my confidence.

what would boost my confidence is actually DOING a job like that and surviving.

basically in the current year you have to bribe your coworkers to train you how to do your job. I will pay 10 dollars for your goddam lunch if you can train me on my job during lunch. i will pay you 20 bucks if you come over after/before your shift for an hour to explain things to me and teach me things.

and this is just ridiculous. i used to study work stuff while at home so as to try to teach myself things…….but it really helps to have a teacher, just to check your work, just to give you the thumbs up and say “YEP YOURE UNDERSTANDING IT CORRECTLY.”  or, GOD WILLING, to give some god damn insight of their own, in explaining how and why.

fooking help me, tell me if im doing it right, so i can look like i know what im doing in front of the customer.

i HATE being left to look incompetent in front of a customer.

ok i took that as in a “tell me about a weakness and how you fixed it” interview question, and put it in my classic glorious interview file:

“I used to get FLUSTERED because I felt I was being left to look incompetent in front of clients, always saying, I don’t know, but let me find out for you, then put them on hold, and come back 5 to 10 minutes later with an unsatisfactory explanation. I improved this weakness by learning how to ask better questions of my callers, and also when asking for help. I needed to be detailed and clear with my level 2’s in order to get more satisfactory answers from them.  I realized the responsibility was on me: I could only get explanations that were as good as the information I supplied them. I also I would go back and study the case and the relevant documentation after my shift so that I understood the issue and its impacted systems, fully, before the start of my next shift. ”

shit bitch. hahahaha. beat that. bribe bitches to train you on your job. because you cant ask questions abotu your job during your shift, because youre supposed to be doing your job. and you cant ask questions of other people during their shifts, cuz theyre supposed to be doing THEIR job. not TRAINING you hahahaha.

i would be and i HAVE BEEN a great TRAINER in the past. I would HELP people, i was HAPPY to help people, cuz i know how I needed help, and i appreciated the help i got, and i knew how hard good help was to get, but it didnt ahve to be that way. so i gave great help quite a bit. people would go to the official help channels and get crapped on or ignored or led astray. i would say just do this, and just tell them this, this is the bullshit article to use which supposedly explains it, but it doesnt, so just come up with a bullshit story inspired by this article.

well sometimes people were tired or moody or tired of answering phones for 60 hours a week and could not create a bullshit story on the fly.

this wasnt a mind numbing thing where you could just turn you mind off for 8, 10, 12 hours a day. your mind had to be switched ON, and then when you survived to the end of a shift, you wanted to OBLITERATE your mind with drugs and alcohol, because it was spinning with trying to make sense out of stupid technical problems.

it was like doing hard math problems all day, on stuff you didnt really know, but your callers thought you should know, with shitty help, and no one was willing or able to check your work, so you were never sure you did shit right, until they called back and said the shit was broken again, but you would not get that call, and it would be impossible to prove if you didnt do the shit right, OR the shit just broke again, OR if it was different shit breaking but they thought it was the same.

this is the shit i found myself in because of her hahahaha.  i never would have been in that stupid job because of her.

BUT OTOH, she Helped Me Grow, because i really needed a new, more serious job. and she arguably pushed me out of my comfort zone, helped me improve as a person. helped me grow.

then pulled the rug from underneath me.

i dont necessarily regret the job. i regret meeting her hahahaha. but the job did teach me good skills. but what good are the skills if they dont help me get hired?

or if you can only get a worse job.

dat feel when you are moving down in your career over time hahahaha. i just threw away at least 8 years of my life. now i am about 15 years behind people of my age hahahahahahaha but its true haha.

well maybe only 12 or so. but at least 10 o god. not a good feel!

thats why i like women that are at least 8 years younger !

i did find a woman who is 39 or 40 who is very attractive. she aged very well. i wont say her name but she is a not quite yet internet famous writer. but she really should be married and have at least 3 kids by now. at age 39 and 40…..i mean you cant even have healthy kids with that, which makes me sad for her. she might have been a good mother. but seriously why ISNT she married with kids? which makes me think she might be a little CRAY CRAY. dumping guys, sabotaging rels, a little chad carousel mayhaps. doesn’t matter if she has some hawt right-wing views.

but yeah i would bury myself so deep in her that who ever could pull me out would be crowned king arthur hahahaha.

same as with That Woman. BECAUSE I loved her above all other women, therefore I also wanted to bang her more than any other woman!

are you ALL IN, or only 60% in?

are you 100% sure you want them and only them? or only 50%?

ask yourself these questions. i was 100% in for her.

its fine that she wasnt in even 1% for me. SHE COULDA BEEN NICER. SHE COULDA TAKEN FIVE MINUTES TO WRITE A NOTE: sorry this isnt gonna work out, i cant do this, youre a good person, i appreciate our friendship, but i cant go forward the way you want. im sorry. i give you my best wishes.

just 2 sentences would have saved me MONTHS of pain. easily.

talk about a return on investment!!!

maybe IM a narcissist! i AM pretty selfish i admit, but i HOPE im not a narcissist!

heh according to the one question narcissist test, i am. hahaha but that is bullshit.

Quiz: Are You A Narcissist?

on this quiz i got way below average. and average was below narcissist.

wow a shitty article by hip millennial feminist laurie penny on the rape accusations on hip millennial feminist degenerate porn actor james deen being a rapist, is current the NUMBER ONE article on time.com hahaha.

once laurie penny responded directly to millennial woes, who is teased cuz he wants to bang her, she told him no youre not my type hahahaha;  and once millennial woes responded directly to me when i first discovered him over a year ago and said good work lad and he said thank you to me.

this means i am famous hahahaha i am a narcissist.

well MW is a handsome man and laurie penny is an ugly “MUNTER” so she should be greatful. well shes not as ugly as lena dunham. so i am desperate enough that i would bang laurie penny. consensually of course hahaha. no im not a fooking RAPIST and i REFUSE men are as bad as these feminist COWS say we are!

anyway her star is on the rise and she is about as big as a young “journalist” can be. and her stuff is absolute poison. she is already in the middle class mainstream and i can see the Smarter College Gurls really loving her and her babykilling bullshit hahahaha. i wasted 10 minutes reading her twitter and was poisoned by bullshit and degeneracy hahaha.

well THAT WOMAN was not a disgusting feminist like this. i dont think. i would have liked to have some deeper conversations with her about these things. i caught her reading jezebel a couple times and i mansplained to her, you know you shouldnt read that because its man hating feminist marxist poison right? its pure evil, dont read it please! she just said lol and did not respond to these specifics. i honestly think she honestly thought it was just a fun thing to read, like buzzfeed and gawker………….without realizing the HORRIBLE political and moral underpinnings of this poison. i think many Millennials do this. its just fun stuff to read for people who like reading ANY kind of news or opinion. hey at least they like to read anything, they could just do instagram and snapchat and shit all day and have no interest in the world!

like youre young and you read it cuz its hip and edgy and geared towards the young. but you dont clearly understand that its insane leftist sjw marxist degenerate poison. you dont fully understand left and right yet. or you say its all the same hahahaha. and become a gayass libertarian atheist fedora neckbeard. no. any thinking person SHOULD eventually end up on the RIGHT hahaha.

although i would be very in favor if Restricting Free Trade if it meant Making American Great Again hahahaha. and then i would get a sweet 15 DAHJ building american made tvs or some shit hahaha.

as a neoreactionary, i believe there are higher values than the economic.

such as human dignity, and nationalism hahahaha. and women not being horrible whores hahaha.

you could even be a fedora atheist and agree that WOMEN BEING PROMISCUOUS IS BAD FOR SOCIETY. it leads to increased violence; more thuggish behavior from men; more chaos and disorder and instability; more fatherlessness; more heartbreak; more broken homes and bad families and bastard kids.

YOU THINK THIS IS A MOTHERFOOKIN GAME????!?!?!?!?!

LOSING INTEREST

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well perhaps the time is healing the woundz a little bit but now there is the feeling of emptiness and derpression, and the void and abyss and muh love for her was such a big part of muh life, and now its ALL GONE FOREVER.

a breakthrough in the future will be, I am done. not just her choosing to be done with me, but me being physically and emotionally incapable of having any more thoughts or feelings about her and our Rel. just getting Burnt Out on Ruminating abotu it in other words.

so maybe i could go back to muh job and see her every day and just ignore her!

whoa lets not get carried away here. that would prob still be too much.

and its not like i have just one big problem here, but TWO big problems. deal with the heartbreak AND find a new JOB.

neither of which have been easy for me ever. now gotta try to do both at once. funny because i keep thinking about her so much i forget there are TWO big things i gotta deal with.  damn.

but i think i am makign some progress with the heartbreak so that is good. thank GOD for that.

but time for another 2.8 miler here, second of the day, liek to get in 3 today.

then might take some nyquil hahahaha.

already feeling a bit tired however.

slept ok last night sort of. still wake up early. but i was nice and tired when i laid down yesterday night, that does not happen often.

the TWO YEAR RULE? who came up with the two year rule. that it takes 2 years to get used to a new job, 2 years to get used to a new city, 2 years to get over somebody, either a lover or a death.

hehehe you got one more week to get better at your job, with no help from us, cuz we dont know shit, or YA FIRED.

this is how people train. figure it out yourself quickly, or YA FIYAD.

i do not like this harshness of the real world so it is why i have always sought the tenderness of Luv with Wimmin. that was just as harsh!

stupid bitches and whores.

so yeah i do feel i have turned another corner. i probably am at 10% now. sweeeeeet.

looked at people on linkedin who are all WAY more successful than me. fook linkedin. even looked at the womans. she had 1 connection which was me. i then removed it and now she has 0. i sort of recall one day when we were Building our friendship and i helped her start the linkedin profile.

fookin careers and educaiton and shit. people working for a living and not going crazy and quitting their jobs. people being in long term relationships because neither them nor their partner wants to leave. you figure if someone wanted to leave they would leave, if they didnt really want to be with the person. like she left me hahahaahahaha.

anyway thank god she didnt have her picture on the linkedin and she never updates it!

ok time for the 3rd powerwalk hahahah.

ok did that ok good.

so yeah i can definitely feel something changing a little bit i guess.

it would have just been so nice to have a nice gurlfran i could cuddle with and occaisionally have secs with and go on dates with and go to the beach with and the lake and summer mini vacations and fall and walks in the park and evenings at home cuddling on couch watching tv and making out and buying each other presents and making each other mix cds and holding hands and saying i luv u and being with them for a year or two years and not having them dump you by 2-3 months and not arguing about how you really dont want them dating other people because isnt this a serious rel god damn it? and all that.

but nooooooooooooooooooooooooooo.

yet she had experienced all that by age 18 or 19. many people do. women at least. not sure about young men. i am sure young men are on the whole a bit more lonely like myself. because men have more hard work to do re pulling women. this is of course because women are the choosers and you have to make yourself chooseworthy. but i guess i just dont like women choosing SO MANY men.

also she could have chosen me over the last loser guy she dated!

however i am also bitter about women choosing bigger winners than me……which is basically every man on linkedin ahahahahaha all the winners with their manager and senior level jobs and masters degrees and no gaps in employment and decent careers and their wives have decent careers in education, social work, human resources, or graphic design hahahahahahahahahahah. and i thought it was impossble to get jobs with these degrees. but these women do!

i gotta start hanging out with more losers and drug addicts and abusers hahahaha.

i thought she wanted temporary distance. well i naively hoped she wanted temporary distance. really she wanted permanent distance. thats rough. when somebody stops being interested in you. i mean even just in terms of friendship even. like when one of your friends just loses interest in you and you didnt lose interest in them. why dont they teach you how to handle this in school? that would be a valuable life lesson.

i should have never gone to a big Elite Top 30 University of the World because it was hard for sensitive widdle me to maintain any confidence. everyone there had 4.0 gpa in high school, everyone was a smart kid, so you saw how average or even dumb you were, when you were used to you being so much smarter than all the idiots in the wordl.

i should have just gone to commuinty college and maintained my confidence that i was smart.

and then gone to local university and hopefully maintained that confidence by taking erm STEM classes. mech or electrical engin, why not.

i was never BAD at math or science. science can suck a dick, i prefer math. i wish i had gone deep into math. being good at math probably gave me the most Academic Confidence. so i could have done all the way up to like Diff EQ’s at community college!

and most importantly, maintained confidence or at least ARROGANCE that i was Smarter Than All These Local Idiots.

I was wrong of course, but confidence or arrogance can be enough to get you through your engin degree and into a decent engin career entry level 20 DAHJ at age 21/22….which is more than i have ever had ever hahahaha.

and that positions you well to confidently bang a series of 21 year old qtz.

which then sets you up to talk to grills and pull an actually respectable gurl one day, that you can wife up, have churren, by then you are senior level or a damn manager, maybe have a masters of science degree and are making 30 DAH and can buy a house in a neighborhood that will not become a violent ghetto during your children’s lives!!!

took some nyquil at 7 pm hahahaha.

https://www.google.com/webhp?sourceid=chrome-instant&ion=1&espv=2&ie=UTF-8#q=she%20is%20losing%20interest%20in%20me

google she is losing interest in me

this is what happens as a prelude to the rel ending, and its always your fault 100% for not being fun or exciting enough!

funny the how to heal heartbreak articles were largely by women for women, and these articles are by men for men, often bordering on the pickup artist type. well i did request SHE is losing interest.

http://www.datingadvice.com/for-men/10-ways-can-tell-shes-losing-interest

3. Seeing each other less and less
You were seeing each other a few times a week. Then it dwindled to twice a week. Now it’s once a week if you’re lucky.

People who want to be with you WANT TO BE WITH YOU. Remember that!

Great advice i say!

4. Avoids making plans with you
First, it’s seeing each other less and cancelling dates. Now she isn’t even attempting to make any more plans to see you. “We’ll see” and “I’ll call/text you” are common brush-offs, often given in lieu of an actual yes or no.

yep yep i know that feel!

anyway dont be a weak beta male and be interesting ahhaahha.

sex is the FIRST thing women do with you, then they get to know you and dump you if you arent super interesting ALL THE TIME.

anyway i dont think women should have secs with a man before really knowing him! call me old fashioned!

but yeah it just hurts when somebody loses interest in you!

nyquil has kicked in so i am just playing cards, cant write so much.

what do you do when she is LOSING INTEREST?

say we need to have a one on one talk baby, lets communicate.

and then she ignores you and never talks to you again hahahaha yeah id say shes lost interest.

so this is just the way women are right?

i dunno. some of them are. but i would think others would be mature enough to see that this is really unkind and sociopathic and that communication is a good thing, rather than just playing retarded games all the time, and making YOU learn and play the retarded games in order to get retards to be interested in you and want to hang out with you.

i have read a LOT of pick artist stuff because i am TOTALLY unsuccessful with women, and i think this is the target demo.

i dont really want to read any pickup artist stuff now though.

it just views women as the stupidest pieces of retarded shit, like disgusting evil stupid children.

but they are, arent they?

NAWALT!

my friendship with the woman began naturally as FOOK, as natural as ANYTHING. i didnt study or premeditate anything, it just happened slowly and naturally and beautifully. then, after a longass time, my feelings changed.

only then that stuff get stupid.

then theres thoughts of well if i had “USED GAME” i could have got her to like me.

i dont really worry about that though!

well at the beginning of muh feelings i did try to emphasize confidence and fun and alpha and charisma. i essentially DID use a little bit of game! or tried to.

and that didnt make her want to hang out.

and then she lost interest and i went crazy.

well it was more than just losing interest, cuz everything here is has the weight of 2 years of normal friendship behind it.

i dunno i think i do kind of like the idea of Being Friends First, because that seems natural, you really get to know and trust them, you dont have to force yourself to move too fast, you can honestly just be yourself, not force yourself to be someone youre not, everything seems natural, etc. i do like that. i just wish things had worked out differently.

mind is getting tired due to nyquil.

911

slept fairly well with the nyquil but “hangover” the next day unfort.

neediness, clinginess. what the fook. i am needy because i am in luv with u the idea of you losing all interest in me is very painful! women have faced this exact same thing before, with alpha males losing interest in THEM.

WOMEN HAVE BEEN THROUGH THE EXACT SAME THING THAT THEY ARE PUTTING YOU THROUGH.

you’d THINK, then, that they would be able to EMPATHIZE better , and say, damn, ive been through that pain, i can SEE WHERE HE”S COMING FROM, AND, even more importantly,

I WOULDNT WANT TO INFLICT THE PAIN on some poor soul THAT HAD BEEN INFLICTED ON ME. THEN I’M AS BAD AS THAT ASSHOLE WHO HURT ME.

how come they dont realize that? or is this their weird way of getting “revenge” on the alpha who hurt them? to show “im as tough as you now?” very possible.

but i accept that women are different than men.

so does that mean all women are unreasonable cowards?

the worst thing is there werent any warning signs of her being a sociopath, prob because shes not a sociopath, she just treated me like a sociopath! the onyl “warning sign” was her becoming distant and losing interest in me. and refusing to hang out with me hahahaha.

also, ideas of RESPECT and HONOR and Courtesy matter a LOT more to men than they do to women. women just dont care about these things. Karma, Ethics.

out of all these, women are probably most likely to talk about KARMA, but they really dont CARE about karma except for the stuff that is being done TO them; they dont care if they are causing bad karma by being shitty to someone else. women are wayyyyyyy more SELFISH than men.

its ok to be selfish, everyone is selfish, but women take it to a whole new level, and hurt people with their extreme selfishness.

maybe this is just the difference between men and women.

women hurt others more than men do hhahahahahaha. just accept the difference and live with it.

i thought about contacting her and saying “DO YOU EVEN KNOW HOW MUCH YOURE HURTING ME, do you even care”

but A, she would never read it, B, what good would that do, i would look like a butthurt weakling.

anyway the time to do that is when you are still talking. i know in email1 there was some good stuff, like i feel you are rejecting me, and that hurts me! and i want to fix our rel, i dont want to give up on it, we can do this, im not blaming you, im not mad at you, i am jsut worried about our rel, i am optimistic we can communicate and fix this, but we do need to communicate, and i cant handle you being distant permanently. i can take temporary distance plus please tell me its not permanent. although i did not confess my exact feelings yet. but she DID read this email, she TOLD me. but she never responded to any of the actual points/issues i mentioned. of course not! she just said i read it but nothing abotu what she thought about it. this is how obtuse she was. or wilfully obtuse to ME because she just wanted to be DONE already.

anyway i am finally starting to get some distance from her.

so when a gurl says she wants TIME and SPACE and DISTANCE, then give her TWO FULL MONTHS OF NO CONTACT.

not two WEEKS, but TWO MONTHS.

cuz they’ll never tell YOU how much time and space they want, they have no idea. they just make you the bad guy even though they are the ones not commuincating, being difficult and completely unreasonable and uncooperative, youre trying to meet them MORE than halfway but they refuse; shit you should just dump them right now because they probably want permanent not temporary distance.

but of course you are NEEDY because you LOVE them and feel them SLIPPING AWAY, and you NAIVELY think, oh yeah, ill give her some space, THEN SHELL RESPOND POSITIVELY, AND COME BACK. not likely!

i kinda did that but i was lucky if i lasted two weeks, let alone two MONTHS!

on the other hand, she is not an INFANT, she could open her big cocksucking mouth and say this is only temporary, or yes i will meet you halfway to talk about the elephant in the room. but noooooooooooooo.

but im expecting her to act like a MAN, women are different than men, women can only respond like emotional infants throwing a damn fit and acting like a damn baby.

hehehe.

so the natural differences between men and women, means that men can NEVER RESPECT women. It is Naturally, Physically IMPOSSIBLE for man to respect a woman.

well, “respect” is much more of a male concept anyway.

i dont care. i just dont care. i think men should be able to respect women, in other words, i think women are capable of living up to men’s standards of respect and not act like fooking selfish infants all their fooking lives. thats not a man or woman thing, thats a matter of being a mature adult. even a mature young adult knows the difference between right and wrong. you dont throw people away like that, and in any kind of relationship, whether its a Fook Rel or a Nonfooking Rel, you COMMUNICATE about MUTUAL problems/issues/elephants. god damn. get with the program.

EVERYONE GETS TREATED UNFAIRLY

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started getting some horribly unhealthy, immoral, illegal thoughts last night regarding the pain and agony and suffering and anger and dissapointment and possibly hatred!

and i thought i was getting over it or at least starting to! whats the deal with these horrible thoughts! i mean they were terrible, the type of thing that makes you wonder, are you a bad evil person, even to THINK thoughts like this is evil! and then it shows even decent human beings, which i try to be, can be capable of great evil. well who knows if i would be CAPABLE of it. however it looks like i am capable of thinking of it!

the priest was talking about luv in his homily today, said that even though he was CELIBATE that he had known the pain of luv back in the day, hopefully not with a little boy hahahahaha.

anyway he said with luv, we never say “thats enough.” it flows from within eternally and ceaselessly like GODS love for us. we could not make GOD stop loving us. so if we decide that our love for a person has a limit, like we say, yep thats enough, i dont want to love them any more than this, or they say to us, thats enough, i dont want to be luved that much, then, according to the priest who has a PhD in Theology, and i would agree with him, that “that relationship is in jeopardy.”

basically i luved my female friend, she said THATS ENOUGH, and then our rel was in serious jeopardy.

it would have been much better “karma” to just talk about it though.

i mean she said NO to me in the WORST POSSIBLE WAY.

theres a good way and a bad way to reject a person. the good way is, its not you its me, its over now, im so sorry. the bad way is to just disappear without saying a word. well add that to the list of experiences.

so yeah i am angry at her because there are a MILLION better ways to reject someone, and she did the worst possible way.

also i am scared because as an MRA/MGTOW i am very cautious of women doing a 180 in the blink of an eye. one moment she is The Good Wife; the next she is gone, kidnapped your children, getting a No Fault Divorce, and taking Half Your Income for Life.

so as a good MRA, you look for Warning Signs and Tells and thoroughly vet the woman for signs of Personality Disorders, Mania, Borderline, Narcissism, Sociopath, Psychopath, Bipolar, etc.

and i did all that and she checked out and i TRUSTED her! she was one of the LEAST crazy women i had ever known!

and then to have her do a 180, do something i thought she would never think of doing to me, told me, i never knew her, my vetting process was wrong, i missed some kind of warning sign. OR MAYBE you cant even trust a woman that appears to be trustworthy.

i mean most women exclude themselves as trustworthy right off the bat. its not necessarily a bad thing, doesnt make them bad people, but makes them bad people to get into a rel with. like your dog is not a bad evil creature, but you wouldnt TRUST your dog not to eat a steak sitting out.

so i had no desire to get into a rel with most women cuz i could tell they couldnt be trusted. her, i was already in a KIND of rel with, i DID trust her, and then she drops a bomb on me like i am The Enemy.

when one person is begging the other please please please im sorry sorry sorry and they say GO AWAY!!!!

well she was obviously tired of my begging and constant apologizing.

heh i remember the time when i was actually saying sorry sorry sorry to her because we were having an awkward conversation at work, which i attributed to yet another stressful confusing day for me, and she said GO AWAY. LEAVE. that shocked me. that was a precursor to this.

i was hoping she would apologize for that. but of course i cam crawling back saying IM SORRY to make you mad at me. jeezum crow. and she never apologized. to her i was 100% at fault. i was the bad guy. i deserved this.

which is why i wanted her to talk to other people, they might give her a different perspective. OR they could just tell her he’s bad news, he doesnt deserve a conversation, he is a psycho weirdo, run away now.

so basically i was always apologizing and she was always angry at me. it was clear who held ALL the power. damn.

how could she be so heartless hahahaha what is that a kanye west song, what a degenerate.

and before that she was a kind and compassionate person. i didnt think she was capable of being so cold and heartless and really just BLIND to the situation. i didn’t think she was seeing it correctly. i wasnt trying to make her angry, i was trying to TALK to her.

i dunno i thought she would recognize her own role in this. i certainly did. i was apologizing more than i should have!!! but i certainly did have a role in it. but she was blameless and played no role. but i think she did. she could have met me halfway and said ok lets talk already. rather than avoiding communication. avoiding communication is her middle name.

so yeah i thought she was more Emotionally Mature than that. i mean shit i thought a person gains Emotional Maturity through the course of a 5 year relationship which she had with her first boifran. yet i never dated a gurl for more than 3 months and i have more Emotional Maturity than her!

honestly she seemed kinda RETARDED when it came to Relationships.

But arent MOST women, honestly?

of course they are!

I just thought she was DIFFERENT.

but yeah women are the ones who are always getting into Relationships, and have so many Emotions, you think they’d be better In Touch with their Emotions, with Relationships, Emotionally and Socially Intelligent. Well fook no, that’s INTELLIGENCE, that’s what MEN are and what women are absolutely NOT. Men are many times more Emotionally and Socially INTELLIGENT than women, even if women are more emotional and social than men. doesnt mean they are smart or mature about it. thats why there is always social and emotional DRAMA with women. they cant HANDLE the shit.

i wanted to HANDLE it like a mature adult. of COURSE she couldnt HANDLE handling it like that.

ok maybe not ALL women are like that, but i thought she was one of those women who was not like that! and she turned out to be just as stupid and ridiculous and awful and shitty as every other shitty woman i’ve met!

its just stupid when they get into relationships, even super long term relationships, when they are not CAPABLE of doing so. they make the man do all the damn WORK and take all the damn responsibility. always a one way street with these bitches. that’s not an actual relationship! its master and slave bullshit! or maybe more like parent and baby. well that was the warning sign, she did not have a good rel with her father. i was just happy that did not make her a huge slut. i was so happy she was not a huge slut, i did not think there were any other ways for her to be horribly disappointing. i was wrong as always hahahahaha.

i think she would have tried to communicate if she were also in luv with me. she didnt make the guys she was in actual rels with do ALL the heavy lifting. oh she PRESENTED herself to THEM!

but i committed the CARDINAL SIN of breaking out of the rigid box she had put me in. i just just supposed to be the platonic friend, and when i stopped being that, i was the bad guy, and didnt deserve to be treated like a human, didnt deserve to be communicated with.

she didnt HAVE to react that way. she could have chose to communicate. she could have chose to realize that people change. she could have accepted my many invitations to talk about the tension that we BOTH noticed.

but yeah she USED to have sympathy/empathy for me and have some sort of regard for me. she cared about me somewhat. then she didnt care for me at all.

imagine if you are with your wife and you are just as in luv with her as ever, but she is bored with you and more interested in other guys cuz she just fell OUT of luv with you. its nobodys FAULT, its nothing you DID.

you think was it because i was BORING? because she didnt KNOW any other guys, and when she started meeting other guys, she reailzed how BORING i was?

like yep, nothing you could have done except be a more exciting, secsy person, to keep me from falling OUT of luv with you!

well, she never was IN luv with me. but she was at least friendly and nice and warm to me, and to have that disappear was painful. now i was no longer interesting and neat and fun, and other guys were. yet i hadnt really changed. well i guess i had. i was super stressed out by the ridiculous job, jealous of her because she wasnt as stressed out, and because she was nicer to other guys than to me. but thats her right. to stop liking me and start liking other people more. well what these feminist faggots dont realize is, this is very very painful to watch.

wah wah wah i was not treated fairly.

so i want HER to know that i feel i was not treated fairly? to communicate to her unequivocally “you wronged me?” or at least “i feel you did not treat me fairly?”

well i kinda said that, in a nicer way, in email4. bbbbut that was never read!

yeah i kinda DID/DO want to tell her i dont think you treated me fairly, show me some god damn respect please.

of course im not gonna do anything stupid after she has made her feelings clear!

but yeah people have been DOING EACH OTHER WRONG FOREVER. Its nothing NEW. its INEVITABLE. I just hadnt been done this wrong in a long, long, long time, and it was fooking DEVASTATING.

EVERYBODY GETS TREATED UNFAIRLY. and most times the person doing the unfair treatment never comes back and apologizes.

i am angry at her, and she is angry at me. we are both convinced that the other is More At Fault.

i apologized a million times. i apologized basically every time i saw her. i was open and willing and desperate and warm.

she apologized i dunno maybe once and not convincingly. she was closed and unwilling and cold.

having a back and forth conversation would be more FAIR i think.

i would say, “i dont think its FAIRIRIRIRIRIRIR wahahahahawahawhwwhwhhawaawaawwaw”

and she would say, YOUR the one being UNFAIR always being WEIRD to me and wanting to HANG OUT when i clearly dont want to, any normal person would back off, would stay away, but not you, you just kept being pushy and weird in an annoying weak wimpy way.

and i would say yeah i should have just blurted it out, but i feel you are dissing the importance and meaning of our past friendship

and she would say well YOU threw it all away once you started acting weird, it was over then

and i would say well i didnt REALIZE it was over, i was TRYING to FIX IT

and she would say, it couldnt BE fixed, couldnt you realize THAT

and i would say, well i thought you might want to fix it, i wanted to fix it, this is what adults do when they have a problem, they talk about it, even argue about it

and then we would have a big argument and i would feel RIGHTEOUS in hating her and in KNOWING that she was in the wrong and i was right!

but instead im having that simulated conversation in my imagination, long after the fact, and i will never know what she “would have” said.

i would say ok its fine if you dont like me back. but lets handle this like adults. or even mature teenagers. or people that dont want to hate each other in the future. this can be handled better. how would dr phil handle this. how would jeff van vonderen handle this.

we would each Say Our Piece/Peace, respond to each other, and then Agree To Disagree.

RODGER MANIFESTO 6

may 27

dont worry almost done here. this may in fact be the last one!!!

on page 112 there is the first mention of his shrink (psychiatrist), which i had been waiting for forever.

p 113 he buys his first gun. ok. honestly the narrative was starting to get a little boring and redundant and repetitive, now something interesting is actually ahppening.

may 28

WHY didn’t gurls like you and want to give you love and sex, while they gave it to Brutish Degenerate Boisterous Jocks?

Becuase you have no social skills, you don’t know how to talk to gurls, or people in general, and have no idea how to approach or talk to wimmin. you are an AUTIST WEIRDO who acts real weird socially when you talk to people.

so this guy may be an autist, but he’s really not that smart. he focuses on stupid details and ignores large details.

why didn’t he just tell this all to his shrink before he started planning his Day of Retribution?

he must have seen a shrink when he was little to get diagnosed with aspergers, how come he never mentions that. what other important details is he leaving out?

so now i want to see what the shrinks say in response to all this.

p 120 finally staring to get interesting. it is summer 2013 and he is finally seeing some “social skills counsellors” on the rec of his psych. young handsome men in their mid twenties. did they have masterz degrees? that would be a pretty neat job.

OR, what the hell was he reading when he went to the bookstore all the time? its hard to believe he could get his mind off gurls for long enough to read anything. and why didn’t he read anything on How To Pick Up Gurls?

the only books he specifically mentions are “the secret” and…something else like the secret.

or he only discovered puahate.com less than a year before his rampage. why didn’t that set him off on a long pursuit of manosphere-related wisdom?

for me, it all started with roissy and branched out wildly from there. i think our killer would have enjoyed reading roissy, and, most importantly, could have gotten some good ideas on how to Get Women from Roissy, and maybe not killed women.

Certainly Rodger would be interested in the story of Sodini, but it’s like he’d never heard of him.

so i have to wonder how exhaustive his reading and research is, if he’s missing big obvious stuff like these.

not saying roissy encourages mass murder, of course he doesn’t. i will never say a bad thing about roissy, he’s a living legend and deserves MORE praise imho. and his extremely compelling political points are obscured by the pvssy-hungry pua/game troglodytes, hehehe.

in FACT, i am SURE roissy has written posts on the rodger case, and you should go and read them.

http://heartiste.wordpress.com/2014/05/26/the-psychosis-of-the-effeminate-male/

i mean “chateau heartiste”. but he will always be roissy to me!

also plenty of good comments on the rodger case.

also, gurls don’t really like anger. they like big manly men, but not so much angry men. at least in the beginning phases. once they are fully in luv with you, then you can get angry and such.

but when you come at girls in anger like rodger did, their first reaction is ew creeper.

can’t really blame them!

BUT, young men who have tonnes of frustration do often act angry right off the bat when dealing with women. they are angry just to SEE women. and when they are immediately angry when talking to women, of course it turns the women off.

Social Skills With Women 101.

but, many beta/omega males do not even have this bare minimum, obviously!

DON’T BE ANGRY WHEN YOU FIRST APPROACH WOMEN!!!!

or at least hide your anger and be charming, hahaha.

and rodger was so stubborn and autistic that he disregarded/refused the advice of his counsellors. who wisely told him to move out of that town.

and he actually had a social skills counsellor who was a Pretty Blond Gurl! he said he liked it, but felt pathetic later for having to have a “hired friend.” well that was because he couldn’t keep real friends, because he had horrible social skills, and WHAT EXACTLY did these counsellors tell him on how to improve his social skills? he never mentions that.

and you think somebody who read so many books would TALK about the books and just be smarter.

he had to NOT be telling the counsellors about his desires to kill people, or else they would have Involuntarily COmmitted him

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Risperidone

the psych put him on this antipsychotic drug but looks like he refused to take it.

he struggled to contain his anger when meeting his old female friend maddy later in life. to be a fly on the wall. how come he didn’t explode in awkward anger then, but did at other times?

none of us thinks that our mother should have bought us a f00king bmw earlier unless we are horrible f00king people like this guy. and i can guarantee you that neither you nor i are that horrible and entitled

heh. will be nice if someone writes a book talking to the shirnks and parents and friends.

did they write a book on sodini? how about virg tech? i gotta read some of these “True crime” books on muh fave massacres, hehehe. some journalist had to have on sandy hook.

did sandy hook kid write a manifesto?

so he had ilke youth counsellors who attended college and were only one year older than him. maybe you DON’T need a masters degree for this job. heh. that would actually be a fun job for me. what is the official job title so i can look it up.

near the end his sister gets a Degenerate Boifran and starts bangin. oooooo. i was wondering if this would happen. yes it did. and he was none too happy.

heh when i go to my shrink i actually try to talk about the things that are bothering me.

ok i finished it, it was more like 137 pages cuz the last few pages were blank. boy am i glad i am not a crazy schizo bipolar autist like him.  well it will be nice to see what the other people say in the months to come. interesting story bro.

THE END

ps yes his writing eventually got very tedious and did not show that he was so smart.

also, maybe i should watch his videos to get a better sense of How he was as a person. maybe he was more charming, less autistic, in person. though I doubt it!

also, autists CAN get laid, can even SLAY pvssy, if they are masculine and not afraid to talk to gurls and not overly angry. like just go up and say things most guys are too sissy to say. but I would wager a guess that this is not the typical autist experience, and that most autists are sociall awkward, if not socially anxious, and also angry.

heh. go read the heartiste article and comments. real interesting theories there. and they aren’t afraid to get politically incorrect hehehe.

maybe he WAS secretly gay closet case. didn’t really get that impression though, he was just effeminate and wanted Loving Sex.

THE KISSLESS VIRGIN KILLER

june 20

elliot rodger, the virgin killer, channel 4 (bbc??), big documentary.

i found on depression forums, which i decided to come back to today, prob for info on laziness, and esp info on tricyclics and older drugs.

looks like a real fun vidya. watch it. now. you’re welcome.

or, if you’re one of those who are stubborn against people telling you to do something, well, you’re missing out this time!

THE VIRGIN KILLER!!!

i bet he would have loved being called that.

but it IS kinda offensive to 22 year old and older kissless virgins, innit?

I was surprised at least. now i have a thick skin but i know the mainstream media is very politically correct, and that title clashes with their usual PC sensitivity.  sort of implying that male virgins are creepy psycho killers who hate women.

again, he did not hate just women, he hated men and women, HE KILLED MORE MEN THAN WOMEN.

you could argue his misogyny was the root cause of him hating women. ie, he hated men BECAUSE they were chosen by women to shower with true luvsechs, leaving him in the lurch. so he hated men because he hated women.

fact is, he still hated men and killed more men than women.

interestingly, the men he killed were dorky asians who probably didn’t have much success with wimmin either. maybe that reflects his hatred of his own asian side. maybe its just because it was most convenient for him to kill his roomates who happened to be asian, and that area has a lot of asian college students.

it wasn’t his woman hating, it was that he was a sociopathic narcissist. i don’t particularly LIKE women either, but I know I am to blame (partially, hehehe) for my failures with them, plus I am not a sociopath and would never want to kill ANYBODY unless they were coming at me or my loved ones wanting to harm us. self defense son. so i just try to avoid the worst of the women, and to actually try with the women i do like.

also, even if he had gotten sechs, he would have eventually killed. well, he wanted trueluvsechs and trueluvrelship. heh. much like we all do. so he would have killed as soon as he got dumped, or as soon as something was not perfect. which is INEVITABLE.

join the conservative students group at your college. believe me, conservatives are happier, healthier, and more successful than leftist losers always agitating about how oppressive the white man is.

today i started something like a blog on facebook. weird idea right? but i will give it a few weeks and see how i feel. have a bunch of stuff written about movies and will post a post once a week in my activity stream which will only be readable by muh frands, all 6 of em hehehehe.

this will hopefully allow me to engage them more so they can get me jobs and wimmin, hahaha.

maybe think about going to a Group Therapy Session for Autists to learn Social Skills, and all your interactions are guided and coached by a Licensed The Rapist, hehehe. COACHING. Social COACH.

I AM A SOCIAL COACH.

think about getting a VIDEO CAMERA or CAMCORDER so you can record your own videos for your youtube channel, documentary film, or film film.

most people have video cameras on their PHONES but not me! I don’t make the kind of money where an expensive phone plan is a good idea!!!!

i am also thinking of gradually extended my facebook to my local friends and not just my faraway old friends. but i would still caution them to keep it a big secret because i don’t want THEIR friends finding out about me.

worst case scenario, i get friend requests and just don’t accept them!!!!

but there’s my friend-having privilege again!

well, i can assure you, i don’t have a LOT of friends, and it takes me FOREVER to make a friend! it is not a fast process!

The Psychology of Elliot Rodger
by Psychology In Seattle

this psych prof / therapist kirk honda gives a nice 2 hour 44 minute analysis of elliot rodger. sounds like he will prob be a gun-hating leftist but i am cautiously optimistic he will make some good points in there. hopefully. also could be a fun channel in general. i subbed.

i dunno. i still like that sort of stuff. i would get a psych grad degree IF it were easy, cheap, guaranteed an upper working class job that could be found easily, AND I could do it without the Leftist/Marxism of Higher Ed.

in other words, I won’t be doing it anytime soon!

i would prob be motivated to work hard if i got into the right program. but getting into that program i cannot see myself doing! the prep work in other words. that is a lot of hard work in and of itself.

the program would be all about spree killers, mass killers, shooters. rodger, sodini, cho from virg tech, sandy hook. all young men with huge violent psych problems. and i would have a pro-gun stance. and nonmarxist. but where can you get a job studying that. maybe fbi profiling. maybe phding, and i do not want to go down THAT road. gimme the fbi job ALL DAY. but that is hard as hell to get, harder than getting into a harvard phd program.

18YOQTs SOYF IS A POWERFUL FORCE OF NATURE

sunday, setp 29 2013, 155pm, day off, lets have a LIVE POST here for the first time in a long time. 1000 words tops just like the good old days.

Don’t mean to be narcissistic, this is more like a person standing up and sharing at the Lazy Losers Anonymous meeting. You hope others can learn from your experiences, or maybe YOU can learn from your experiences by Talking about them.

got the #BreakingBadMarathon going on here, 7 hours till the series finale, I’ll actually stay up late and watch the Talking Bad too. I think even if Walt Lives, Gilligan and Co will find a way to punish him, like he’s got nothing to live for: his family will die, or they won’t accept his money, etc, he’ll be doomed to wander the earth alone. or get arrested and die of cancer in prison alone. or shanked in prison. or shot to death 1000000 times by police, dea, nazis, AND his family all getting shots in. OR he dies AND they all die in a final shootout with him and his huge gun. any of those would be ok. just be sad to see prob The Best TV show Ever come to an end, they could have EASILY done one more season. Pretty exciting to be experiencing TV history, hehehehe.

But the point is, you should be experiencing some exciting history for yourself. One of my favorite bloggers sez, don’t get stuck in a Boring Life, go move to an Exciting City, so you can be around Energetic Exciting Young People, have an exciting social life and romantic life, maybe find a nice wife even.  (not that I recommend Legal Marriage, although I do support Monogamous Partnership and Having Lots of Children.)

Still thinking about my Love Vs Lust thing, and how the best Love is build from a foundation of Lust. Like you see the 18YOQT and IMMEDIATELY think HNNNNGGGGG!!!! I’d LOVE to have HER Sit On Muh Face ALL DAY! as opposed to, well, she’s a nice girl, and not even ugly, but I really DON’T want her to SOMF. That’s the struggle. If you get along with a Nice, Decent Woman, but you don’t have LUST for her, then why the hell SHOULDN’T you “cut your losses” and have Kids with her? ANd I do not have an answer for this.

Of course it is real hard to have children if you’re not making enough money!

Of course the solution is Multi-family, multi-generational, extended family houses. And I certainly don’t have a problem with THAT!

Is it more worthwhile to do something FUN, or to SLEEP, noting of course that sleep is INHERENTLY fun.

Like I was debating whether to NAP right NOW, or to watch #BreakingBadMarathon and do a little writing. Because I was having a kinda grim day and knew some writing might turn the ship around. So here I am.

How To Not Blow Off Your Friends

Well, I guess let them know the Price of Admission for You is that you never call, so they have to do all the calling, hahahahaha.

But Ideally you would push yourself to do a little MORE calling, and break your Bad Habit and replace it with a Good Habit.

Also let them know you are a Planner, and don’t mind planning something even a Week in Advance, rather than waiting till a couple days before a day and Seeing How You Both Feel.

Heh. I remember I was Courting A Grill and she refused to make plans with me because it wasn’t SPONTANEOUS enough. Heh. There were a couple Grills I Liked where it was a Bad Idea, a Bad Choice on my part. I should have told her to S my D right then and there, is that spontaneous enough. But I was desperate and In Love.

Anyway it’s perfectly ok to not like being spontaneous. It’s ok to think spontaneous sucks. And to want to make Solid Plans a week in advance. So what if you’re not in a Good Mood by the time the Day comes around. Put on your Damn Happy Face and try to enjoy the time with your Friend. do something nice for them like buy them dinner. Then neither of you will know or care that you’re in a bad mood. Unless you try to bring them down with your bad mood. Don’t do that!

And just go out for an hour or two, you don’t have to stay out partying all night, you can still be in bed by 9 or 10 o clock.

To get yourself to do Errands Better, force yourself to go to stores that are directly on the way to or from Underwork. For example, I stopped at the Supermarket Directly on the way home from Underwork, rather than go to my USUAL Supermarket, which is the complete opposite direction from Underwork. Even though this New Supermarket is a little more expensive. I considered that a “convenience charge” for being right on the way, and for getting me to actually Get The Errand Done.

* Buy a Big Bag of CANDY for yourself once in a while. something bite sized. Little chocolates or caramels or I myself am partial to Starbursts or Butterfingers or Nerds or Mike and Ike or Jolly Ranchers or Now and Later or Mambas or Sour Patch Kids

English: College student studies while eating ...
English: College student studies while eating Sour Patch Kids sour candies (Photo credit: Wikipedia)

or Skittles.  Something like that. I say, Start Out With Starbursts.

Obviously don’t do this ALL THE TIME because you will get FAT and also all your TEETH will fall out from the godawful sugar and HFCS, which is HORRIBLE for you. I’m talking more like a few little candies to help you celebrate on your Day Off, not stuffing your face with candy and ice cream all day every day. Like on Saturday Night or something, when you would REALLY like to have an 18YOQT SOYF or even just go on a Romantic Date with some Making Out and Cuddling, but you’re too old, loser, and omega to pull an 18YOQT to make you go HNNNGGG. Then on a day like that, watch your movie and eat a little candy. or take yourself out the movie theatre like I said in a previous post and really spend some money on yourself, getting soda and popcorn.

* The American Education System is Designed to KILL a child’s Intellectual Curiosity, to make them Hate Learning and Hate Skool, and fail at skool, and become losers who just want to smoke weed and play vidya and eat junk food all day, and become welfare parasites, or unemployable or underemployed losers with no power of any kind. And this Curiosity-Killing doesn’t stop with High School! College is Just As Bad!

* So use Youtube and Problem Solving Books as opposed to reading your godawful textbooks or listening to your godawful instructors. Get the Powerful STEM degree, checking eveyr month on JObs Numbers and Employability of Majors, so you can switch to a More POwerful STEM degree if necessary.  If you don’t want to think about this too much, Electrical Engin + Math Double major should get you a good Lower Middle Class Job and Wife.

* So you see an 18YOQT at College or Church and think, god damn, that would have made ALL the difference in the world, to have an 18yoqt to cuddle and SOMF, then I would have been the world’s best student in the world’s usefullest degree, and gotten the best lower middle class job ever, and maybe eventually have married one of those 18yoqts when I was 23 and On Top Of The World.

And MAYBE that’s accurate. I cannot deny the power of a man’s lust for 18yoqt’s! Damn, I still get those thoughts whenever I see an 18yoqt and I go HNNNGG and want them to SOMF! I think how good would THAT be, I would put up with a LOT to have some of THAT, I would pay a LOT of dues.

So yeah. A Man’s Lust for 18yoqts is a very, very powerful Force of Nature. It’s no surprise that Real ETernal Monogamous love can be built on top of that, or successful careers, etc.

But if you DON’T have that, and of course you don’t, none of us omega losers has anything close to that, we pull SIngle Mom SeaCows or more likely nothing at all, because we don’t LIKE single mom seacows, we like 18yoqts, but we’re too omega and old and fat and loser to pull 18yoqts! vicious circle!

SO my response to that is, uhh go volunteer at the soup kitchen to see some people who really have it bad, and get your sleep, take it one day at a time, talk to a college counselor and tell them, listen, I just want something to get me an upper working class fulltime job as quickly as possible because I HATE SCHOOL, don’t eat too much wheat or corn syrup or corn or soybeans or processed food or fast food or carbs, get your omega 3’s, get a light box or get some sun, get some exercise, get 30 mins of exercise a day, even if it’s “just” a brisk walk, a brisk walk is better than sitting around watching tv , don’t watch too much tv, if you HAVE to watch tv, make sure it’s something GOOD like breaking bad or jeopardy, turn the sound off on the unholy commercials, give thanks to the lord, thank god if you have a decent family, beg god for strength and help and a miracle, move to a safe City like Pittsburgh or Fargo or Boise or Eugene and get the cheapest place you can and finally get some 18YOQT action, well, maybe more like 25YO semi-QT action, but that’s GOOD ENOUGH, try some apple cider vinegar, don’t deny your animal instincts, but don’t be a nihilistic decadent hedonist either, eat a little bit of candy once in a while, get some delicious comfort food for lunch/dinner once in a while, but realize it will be 900000000 times easier to pull 25 yo qt’s if you’re NOT FAT, Schedule something A Week In Advance with Old Friends and then buy them dinner to show you appreciate them, I guess maybe try a damn Temp Agency because anecdotale evidence proves they can get you jobs at good companies and some of those jobs can turn into full time things (not sure if the temp agency would still take their 30% Cut or whatever at THAT time), set up spreadsheets and use numbers to quantify your Moodz over the days, quantify what you feeeeeel before and after doing Godawful Chores and Errands, Do as many errands on your route directly to and/or from Work as possible, try to find an Enjoyable Way to Get Out In The World With People, try to find a way to Enjoy and have fun with people, I know that sounds mind-boggling, because people are annoying and you enjoy yourself the most when those annoying d!ckheads are NOT around, but I guess the point there is to find people that are fun to hang out with, because the Healthy Human does need that, think of a time in your life when you WERE more social (checking muh privilege because I appreciate than many of you NEVER had that!), spritz lysol in the crotch of your pants, use zappos.com to buy shoes as well as all sorts of other clothes from the comfort of home, good selection at decent prices, I really am quite impressed, and very well may take the plunge very soon, maybe save up and spend a little extra on GOOD shoes that will actually LAST a long time, rather than cheap pieces of chinese crap that fall apart in 1 year, don’t hate yourself if you’re a little racist once in a while, it’s natural and healthy for humans to be a little racist, it’s GOOD not bad like the godawful unholy tv sez, don’t watch too much tv, hell don’t watch ANY tv, perpare a personal Budget, look into Financial Investments like gold or land or oil, try your hand at farming and grow your own food and cook it and eat it and know that you literally made that from the ground up, all right, take care of yourselves and I will be back in a few days.