SHE COULD GET AWAY WITH NOT DEALING WITH IT

yep

sept 11

heh. not to insult the old friends of mine who are unfortuantely, sadly leftist, but……. i just remembered something that happened on our recent reunion that made me shake my head and told me that there was no hope in trying to Turn these people hehehehe.

basically it was simple, just talking about LB Johnson and how he was such a old school white racist who wanted segregation for blacks. it didnt matter that he was huge democrat and the great society and that he might have done more than any one president to turn our once great nation into a marxist progressive antiwhite disgrace. immigration, welfare, etc. they touched on this, but were like, YEAH BUT he was also a huge old school white racist from texas. he wasn’t a real modern democrat….even though he probably did more SJW shit than any modern democrat. all they saw was an evil white racist.

basically they should be worshipping this guy like he was the next MLK! but no, all they see is a white racist!

because he simply LOOKED LIKE a white normie from texas! just a masculine white man with a texas twang. never mind that his policies opened the door to giving BILLIONS to nonwhites!

really I should have said, YEAH BUT dont you think you’re underestimating the effect of the great society? i mean really, isnt LBJ the greatest person for Civil Rights since MLK? do you really think thats fair just to write him off as an evil white racist? he really wasnt old school at all!

i was just caught off guard by the ridiculousness of it, and also my communication skills were compromised by MJ!

and yet these are decent, moral white people parroting this nonsense!

they cant get past LBJ looking like a FOOKING WHITE MALE to realize the pretty obvious truth that he was a YUGE SJW and pretty much sentenced the white race to death hahahahaha. the fact that he has a twangy accent and wasnt a Marxist Community Organizer is enough for them!

and ultimately he went to do one of the single biggest Marxist Actions our country has ever seen!

doesnt matter, cuz he LOOKS like a traditional white family man. so somehow he was a “conservative democrat”. wtf???????

you could not have a more marxist prez if KARL MARX had been prez!!!!!!!!

why the hell would they signal against LBJ of all people?

because in their mind, he represents Traditional Old School White Racists.

EVEN THOUGH HE DIDNT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

in hindsight I should have probed on this absolutely ridiculous discussion, but again, MJ makes me unable to have even simple small talk.

oh and LBJ probably owned a GUN too. he was the type of guy to go HUNTING. and he probably didnt want his daughter to be a race mixing slut. what a racist sexist woman hating black hating bigot racist.

they cant look past these tiny details to see the YUGE OBVIOUS LASTING LEGACY of LBJ!!!!!!

Maybe i am OVERESTIMATING LBJ and the great society pogams in particular.

i mean im sure there were tons of marxist j’s advising him.

hmmmm i have found the new evalion hahahahahah

i bet this channel will be shut down by the time this post posts.

well after 1 minute of inspection she seems less slutty than evalion, but she does have crazy eyes!

not gonna get my hopes up too much here.

but I would wager that shes taken less cox than evalion and might be a better wife and mother.

gonna try to manage expectations tho.

i guess she already did an interview with sinead. i hope sinead does not latch onto her and turn her into even more of a psychopath.

i would feel a lot more comfortable if she (crusader gurl) were doing this with her father or something. what does her father think of all this?

it feeeeels really weird and wrong for very young gurls to get on the frontlines of a very real ideological war. just like with Combat, women SHOULDN’T be doing this. you can support your father or husband or brother who is doing it. make white babies with your white husband. maybe make videos about how awesome being a mother is. and cool it with the hitlers and the swastikas. they make you look like a shill hhahahahahaha.

men can do that, women cant. and even most men dont fathom what theyre getting into when they do that. i say, err on the side of caution and dont go full 1488 until you know exactly what youre getting into. like me hahahaha. and even i dont post hitlers and swastikas. it just looks fishy when a 17 year old gurl on the internet does.

girl on the internet syndrome. beware.

maybe do a show with your strong white boifran. or father.

i should really write to her and try to become her handler. i mean women can REACH alot more people than men. she can get 1000 subscribers in a day where it would take a guy a YEAR. people pay a lot more attention to young purty wimmin. so, tread carefully. she is gonna be under a TON of scrutiny, like evalion, and it didnt take long for evalion to be shut down and probably discredited.

and yes their secs lives ARE relevant, because you want a person with GOOD CHARACTER.

and really….yeah its nice to see women getting into this stuff, but I have NEVER heard something explained MORE profoundly or powerfully by a woman than by a man. NEVER. in other words, a man can ALWAYS say this stuff more persuasively. More Better, hahahahaha.

but the women get more initial views.

and im sure part of it is me being Lonely for a Woman that is Against Race Mixing.

here’s a fun game for you: test women you meet by getting them talking about idris elba or denzel washington. I reckon the MAJORITY of them will take the bait and say DAYUM WHAT A SEXY MAN. MMM HMMMM. I WOULD SUCK HIM OFF RIGHT NOW. I WOULD FOOK HIM ALL NIGHT AND LET HIM BEAT THE SHIT OUT OF ME.

this is a blatant signal that the woman is open to race mixing.

the ideal woman would get uncomfortable talking about secs, would not say anything publicly, then in private, would tell you shes just not into black guys.

just look for any remark where a white woman talks about a black guy being Handsome or Secsy.

if you’re against race-mixing, you JUST WOULDNT DO THAT.

I never talk about how nonwhite women are good looking! because I honestly dont care! I DONT WANT TO RACE MIX!!!!

well there are a couple jooish and maybe indian women i would bang. but they would probably stink like curry!

and also i have fully thought through the implications of having children with them, and that is something i would never want to do!

but yeah, its just not the DOMAIN of cute innocent doe eyed 16 year old gurls to be talking about this stuff!!!!!

KIND OF like how its not the domain of innocent little gurls to be huge cvm guzzling sluts!

well….i say kind of because those are two VERY different things.  i’m just trying to say that young gurls are JUST TOO INNOCENT for this kind of stuff. it’s TOO MUCH for them. it’s not RIGHT for them to be in it.

kind of like a woman forgoing being a wife and mother so she can be a damn CEO.

it’s just not her natural place. its weird and wrong.

so yeah i hope this gurl acts honorably because its SAD to see a qt innocent young white gurl be a DUMPSTER FIRE. just do what michelle k did and Resign. or do what the truth will live did and stop youtube but just do twitter only.

of course TTWL is 100% jooish. but uhhhh she was really qt and had great alt right ideas and was converting to Catholic. real interesting case.

but yeah its DISTRACTING unless you have your OWN alt right waifu. and probably most waifus could be MADE alt right with your firm, fair guidance.

this crusader gurl looks like a purer, more innocent, lower number gurl than evalion, and i dont want to see another young white girl turn into a dumpster fire for the whole internet to see.

dont look for a gurl with political opinions. find a gurl with basically no political opinions, but who has deep moral opinions about not being a slut, about not fooking blacks, about not murdering her babies. that’s all you need. and finding that will be difficult enough!

heh i am actually tempted to write this girl a message because she might actually read it now, rather than 2 weeks from now, when she has EXPLODED in popularity.

well, sinead has probably already told her how horrible TRS is.

basically TRS needs to take this girl under their wing and use her as a TRS propaganda person. TRS are good, strong, smart men. I trust them hehehe.

hehehe

https://www.reddit.com/r/talesfromtechsupport/

https://voat.co/v/talesfromtechsupport

also i saw some bitch saying that its normal for a 30 year old man to take only 6 months to get over a 2 year relship. yeah maybe if you are some sociopath who just views people as bags of meat, BITCH!

http://www.loveshack.org/forums/

loveshack has like 1700 people on it right now, relship forums has like 400 tops. go with loveshack. i am looking for something with a LOT of people.

http://www.loveshack.org/forums/transitioning/friends-lovers/

plus they have a great subforum that is all about That Gray Area where you might be becoming more than friends, or wanting to.

yep the big 400th job app.  next it will be the big 500th hahahaha.

http://archive.is/fdCUL

How to Choose a Wife in a Feminist Society by PA

good blogger, i should directly link to him, got a good alt right racist white mind. i just dont want anyone to know i link to them. go look at his blog and give him a dollar hahahaha.

twitter can be fun sometimes

oh yeah this one was florian geyer. well he doesnt really use it. and his NRx blog only has 2 posts. i was looking to try to find the origin story on this guy cuz i like him. he is great. he is very smart and very funny and will be a great priest but he should have some keeids tho.

here is a guy that is on the fatherland sometimes, seems like a real good guy, and he does a pro family podcast with his WIFE. should prob check that out at some point.

sept 12

welp, was very decisive about getting a haircut today, even though probably didnt really NEED it…..but previous i usually waited TOO long, and today i just wanted to be decisive and get a haircut fairly earlier than last time, PLUS whenever i get a haircut, it boosts confidence, so, really no risk, high reward. waited 66 days this time, 9 weeks or so. this isnt TOO early, I dont think.

had ridiculously disturbing dream with HER in it and it just gets worse. i was bitching at her like  a little bitch, please stop avoiding and ignoring me, just hang out with me already, don’t dump me LIKE THIS, and getting really bitchy and passive aggressive about it, then she was like FINE. FINE. what do you want from me. and then she got up on this ladder or lege or something about 14 feet off the ground and dove headfirst into the ground, grotesquely breaking her own head and neck. absolutely horrifying. that’s not what i was asking for!!!!!! i just wanted to sit down and have an hourlong private talk!!!!

there was an implication that some other guy was also heartbroken and HE had K’d himself the same way, diving headfirst into the ground.

also in another part of the dream, I was grotesquely deformed, like missing half my face, and also that side of my body was all grotestquely deformed. naturally people reacted to the sight of me with horror.  I couldn’t really see myself though, and I didn’t really FEEL horrific.

then I met a qt young woman who was nice to me, did not react with horror, and I wondered, wow, did I miraculously get better somehow? do I really look normal now? or is she just super nice?

so yeah, lot of symbolism there hahahahahahahaha.

and then it went into that super disturbing part with HER and the neck breaking etc. good god how does my brain come up with this horror.

so yeah i am surprised i was not MORE affected by the dream (nightmare!!!!!) but I guess forcing myself to get out and get haircut helped with that.

also in the dream she seemed like a different person. it sorta looked like her, but a more crazy, unstable, bitchy, evil version of her.

basically she did what she did because:

  1. she didnt have Special Feelings for me
  2. She could Get Away with Not Dealing with it.

PERIOD.

some things you are FORCED to deal with. you cant escape from them. this was not one of those things.

i bet she DID feel bad about hurting me. but she did not HAVE to deal with it….so she didn’t. The End. Period. Thats All Folks. That’s ALL it boils down to. I bet she DID feel bad. (Im sure she’s gotten over that LONG ago, though)

2pm sept 2

sheeeeeeeit. sitting at car dealership, they have free wifi thank god. look like a real phaggot wiht muh laptop but this is gonna take at LEAST 90 minutes.

hope nobody steals mh password who is out there packet sniffing hahahahahah.

321 pm

wow that was quick. they said 90 minutes, i expected 2 hours, and i was out of there within 1 hour.

there was a young arab girl reading a Yuge Law Skool Torts Textbook. Good for her going to Law Skool. She looked very bitchy and high maintenance but young and bangable and in Healthy BMI range. not that I advocate Race Mixing but I would bang her if i had to. would not make babies with, OBVIOUSLY!!!!!!

why am i saying this? i guess to get a pity party for my desperation, to describe my desparation, that i would rather bang a healthy young nonwhite than a fat ugly unhealthy white hahahahaha. but i would never BRAG about it or RECOMMEND it hahahahaha.

 

 

TORTURE PRON : THE DEGENERATE PSEUDO-RELATIONSHIPS WOMEN HAVE

june 19

happy j00 years eve. if you are a woman making out and sucking dik at midnight, congratulations, you are an unmarriageable whore degenerate. enjoy getting old with your cats and fatherless mud children, ya fat piece of shit hahahaha. things are alot worse for you at 30 than they were at 20, eh? bet you wish you married your first BF who you callously threw away because you just had to get more “Experience.” now HE’s happily married with 3 children and making 80 grand a year and wouldn’t think of taking you back.

Anger towards women much??? hahahaha. like i said, I’m in a phase. phases last at least 3 months.

or maybe he’s still heartbroken 10 years later and became a huge loser and hasnt been with another woman since, and would gladly take you back, even though youve gotten a lot worse, but you dont want him because he’s more pathetic and unnattractive than gangster thug deadbeat blacks hahaha ya damn dirty MUDSHARK.

BURN THE COAL, PAY THE TOLL.

ONCE YOU GO BLACK, WE DONT WANT YOU BACK.

did i post this DF post I made yet? well here it is::::

Welcome to DF! Thanks for sharing your story and feel free to share more.

I am not a professional and can only speak of my own experience, but many of us seem to have shared some similar experiences, hahaha. So I can’t really add much new to this topic.

One thing I do find interesting is how bad people are at reading signals. In my opinion, it’s much better to have an open, direct conversation rather than rely on nonverbal signals to do the talking.

However, when I have feelings for someone, I feel like the signals I’m sending them are impossible to miss. How can they NOT see I have feelings for them? So it is possible that this woman already has an idea that you like her. Maybe not, though. Just as signals are often unnoticed or misinterpreted, people can also be obtuse and not notice obvious signals.

Well, probably some signals of some things are clearer than others. I don’t know. I had a similar situation that ended badly and I have been in pain and confusion for months afterwards. Just not knowing, not understanding, being confused. Not fun!

So for this reason, I always encourage to just talk to the person. Or write them an email. Or send them a text saying “by the way, the person I like….is you” hahahaha. It might not change the general outcome, but I think it’s a much better way of dealing with that outcome.

Of course many people are not good at communicating either. You can want to communicate with them, and they can refuse to communicate with you, and if you’re like me, you may desperately beg “PLEASE RESPOND” hahaha. Sure sign of a bad situation there, haha.

Anyway maybe telling her how you feel, and it doesn’t need to be a big dramatic thing either, maybe just something like “yeah I think I have a crush on you and I was really surprised to see you dating this new guy so soon. Couldn’t you tell from the way I was acting? Have you ever had feelings for someone they did not return? How did it make you feel? How did you handle it? Maybe we should spend some time apart until this blows over. Call me if you feel like dating hahaha”

Maybe try to help them understand how you’re feeling, by getting them to think of a time they were interested in somebody who wasn’t interested in them. I can’t imagine this is ever a pleasant feeling. One-sided, unrequited feelings.

I’ve only ever been on the giving end of one-sided feelings, but I imagine being on the receiving side of it is very awkward, and we are well aware that many people avoid anything awkward like the plague. Just ignore it and hope it goes away. In my opinion, this is an immature way of “dealing” with things. Probably the pain of having one-sided feelings is a lot worse that the pain of awkwardness the receiver of one-sided feelings feels.

Knowing what I do about having one-sided feelings, if someone ever felt that way about me, I would want them to talk to me about it. But I’m not sure if I’d be mature enough to say “You seem to be acting weird. Do you have a crush on me or something?” hahaha. Well, I would HOPE to be that mature.

At the very least, telling her might give you more of a sense of closure, and be able to move on and get over it more quickly. Like, I clearly told her, and she clearly said yes or no. Of course she might not clearly say yes or no….. At that point I might put my foot down, and say “I need to know yes or no. Think of when you had a crush on somebody, wouldn’t YOU want to know yes or no?”

But I think anything that isn’t a definite yes……is a no. “I don’t know” = no.

OK that’s enough of my unsolicited advice, hahaha. I’m not telling you you should do this necessarily, but just something to think about. I know in my tribulations with unrequited feelings, I wish I had been more direct and timely with my verbal communication. Please let us know how things go!

Also, I think a gap year is a good thing. I wish I had done a gap year….or 2 or 3! I was wayyyy too immature and unfocused when I started college (“uni” as you Brits call it, haha), and as a result I got a useless degree, and have not really moved forward in my life in the 10 years since graduating uni. At 30+ years old, I still feel like I am 18-20, hehehe. Also I wish I had seen a therapist at around that age (18-20), which might have helped address my issues before they became bigger problems. Also I would caution you not to use drugs or alcohol to try to escape your worries! Those can become very bad habits that ultimately just make things worse.

Good luck and please let us know how things are going!

END POST

on a guy who works with a female friend and he likes her but she doesnt like him. and she apparently has no idea how he feels. how does this even happen? i know signals suck, but thats one of the easiest signals there is!

another post i just made today:::

I think different people have different expectations regarding sex, and it is best if we can pair-up with somebody who agrees with us on this issue. For example, I have no interest in casual sex. I think sex is inherently very powerful and profound, as it is the process that creates new life. But because it has a “pleasurable” component (supposedly, hahahaha), I think a lot of people try to separate that pleasure component from the reproductive component, and that can cause mismatches of expectations among people. It possibly explains the motive for casual sex, in that it’s something you can do for “fun”, and take steps to minimize the reproductive aspect. But even when I was younger and had a MUCH stronger libido, I didn’t want to have sex outside of a committed, meaningful relationship, possibly because I felt the hedonistic/pleasure aspect could never be fully separated and compartmentalized from the reproductive aspect. You were sharing something deep and special with someone else, so ideally you would have a special relationship with a special person.

So as a 21-year-old virgin with no success with women, I was feeling increasingly insecure, as all of my friends were not virgins, had been in longterm relationships, etc. I think I made up my mind to just “get it over with” and see what happens then. I met a young woman who was very experienced and she was very willing. Not surprisingly, I got feelings for her very quickly, and was heartbroken when she got bored with me. I felt a bit resentful that I had “compromised my ideals” and had “thrown my virginity away” on someone who wasn’t interested in a real relationship. I vowed that I would re-establish my original plan of “waiting for somebody special.” (Not that I didn’t think she was very special at the time! She just didn’t want to have a relationship with me.)

I soon met another young woman (I was in college/uni, never again was meeting women so easy!) and we began hanging out and I started to get feelings for her. I had a few possible chances to have sex, but I said to myself NOPE I just want to take this slowly and just enjoy non-sexual physical things like cuddling and making out (which to me, were very enjoyable and MUCH more in my comfort zone than sex, which seemed so special and serious! Unfortunately the people I was interacting with did not seem to share my opinion on that.). She dumped me soon after because she felt I was wanting a serious relationship (and I did!), but she did not. And then I was angry that I DIDN’T have sex with her when I had the “chance.”

Then I finished college and tried to become an adult, hahaha, and have been a spectacular failure with women ever since, not even getting so far as “casual dating.”

For me, I have come to accept my own rather traditional, conservative views on sex. It’s been pretty easy accepting that, and a lot harder accepting OTHER people’s more casual attitude towards sex. But I accepted that my ideal partner had to be someone who agreed with me on this point.

(For what it’s worth, this has given me a clear perspective on “the double standard” between men and women, i.e., this “double standard” is explained very elegantly and succinctly by the very different reproductive roles of men and women. That is, women face much greater risks/costs/disadvantages because they get pregnant for 9 months, while a man can impregnate 10 different women in a day and then run off in the night, with no further responsibility required! For me, this made perfect sense when considering women as “the choosers” and men as “the initiators” or “the salesmen.” Of course, I felt angry and unconfident and like a failure, because I was a particularly bad “salesman” and couldn’t get any women to choose me!!)

So in short, I personally don’t care for casual sex, because I believe sex is by nature not very casual, but instead very intimate, so it is best experienced in a truly intimate relationship. However, even though I wish I had lost my virginity in the context of an intimate relationship, I am kind of glad I “got it over with” when I did, because like you say, there is a very real stigma against male virgins.

However I guess I practically AM a reborn male virgin at 30+ years of age, because I haven’t had any experience since, because I am stubbornly holding out for a real, intimate, committed, longterm, monogamous relationship, which has been VERY hard to come by hahaha. If sex is difficult to get (although its hard to imagine it as such in the hypersexualized culture in which we live!) then a committed relationship is even more difficult!

So yeah it really rustles me to see this “hypersexualized” culture where sex is treated as a hedonistic, pleasurable thing, with no deeper meaning, like the “hook up” culture and “casual dating” and “chill hangouts” and tinder and such.

That being said, if I were being offered casual sex, I would probably take it, just to experience it once again after so many years. But I am confident that it would never replace my life-long goal to find a long-term partner to have children with.

Getting older and thinking more about having children definitely shifted my views on sex, made me think more about it as The Life Creation Process. I began to feel a deeper respect for life itself, and the process which creates it, and then feeling disgust to see people treating it like some hedonistic game.

People are gonna definitely disagree with me, but this is just my own opinion! I am not judging anybody here. Sometimes people go through different phases/stages. Sometimes you want casual sex, sometimes you only want intimate sex within a serious relationship. I simply have never made any serious effort to pursue casual sex!

And also I would reiterate that if you have sex with someone who has vastly different views on sex as you do – for example, you take it very seriously, and they take it very casually – that is probably not going to end well. Regardless of your beliefs, both people should probably be on the same page.

Let’s talk about SEX, bay-bee hahahahahahaha

Anyone else feel free to rant, and make my rant look like less of a rant, haha.

end post.

me talking to a 21 year old male virgin sperg who just needs to get drunk and bang some stupid slut like i did when I was 21. then fall in luv with her and get thrown away by her and only have secs 2 times in your whole life hahaha.

some more posts in the thread, by me, basically talking to that guy:

well….. just to clarify, hehe. Meeting women wasn’t “EASY” per se, as I for 3 out of 4 years I struggled greatly with that, and didn’t meet any women, was painfully shy and withdrawn. However my final year I met a new group of friends who turned out to be very good, nice, decent, great people, thank goodness. They were also very social. So my social life jumped overnight from having 1 or 2 friends and knowing no women, to having 3 or 4 or 5 friends and knowing several women, and meeting new people regularly. Really I just got lucky by meeting the right group of people! Very lucky, and I am very grateful I met them, because like I say, they were good friends who accepted me for who I was, and I did not have to “wear a mask” or try to be someone I’m not in order to fit in with them.

Prior to that I always felt like an outsider, misanthrope, loner, but I also wanted to have real friends and to “fit in” socially to some extent. Which I think is natural. I’m still basically the same way, always have been.

So it was for the first time in my life a socially stimulating and exciting time. I was unprepared for it. I enjoyed it, but I also had a bad habit of drinking too much, and also I “had to” drink in order to have any confidence with women. Indeed when I first met the woman I would lose my virginity with, I was quite under the influence, for better and for worse.

I can’t recommend drinking to excess, however I also can’t deny that it helped “take the edge off” when talking to women, “liquid courage” and all that. But I was also drinking to escape feelings of depression and doubt in general, so, definitely not a good thing.

Ideally, I would have faced my anxiety with women WITHOUT the use of alcohol, and just gotten used to talking to them without alcohol.

Well, to be fair, after the initial first meeting, I was completely sober when hanging out with and “getting to know” the women.

But yeah, maybe “EASY” wasn’t the most accurate word, because prior to that, meeting women was terribly difficult, and since then, meeting women has been terribly difficult! It was really a serendipitous thing based on my new circle of friends at that time. In some ways it felt like a temporary window into “normal” social life, hahaha. I just wish my few experiences with women had been more long-lasting!

And when I say “hypersexualized”, I don’t know, I could be completely wrong about that. Part of that probably comes with my own obsession with sex! And creating this possibly-fictionalized nightmare-world where we are living in a thoroughly Decadent and Debauched world, akin to the Fall of Rome! But I am still convinced that there is generally a lot of casual sex going on, hahaha. Stories of high schoolers sexting each other and such. But you are right that to some extent, this stuff has ALWAYS been going on. I think it is part of being human that we have the height of libido from ages 16-20 or so, and this is probably part of our prehistoric past trying to compel us to reproduce as soon as possible.

I still wonder considering all the drama between men and women, if people are really communicating about sex, or relationships, as much as they should be. I am the world’s biggest fan of Communication, I can’t even begin to emphasize how important I think Communication is in any relationship. People need to communicate their expectations and thoughts and feelings to each other, and they seem so bad at doing that!

But yeah I hear ya, it is very hard finding someone you connect with. Fortunately I have found a few people that I did feel a real connection with, that I did want to have a serious relationship with….but the feelings were never returned, resulting in heartbreak for me.

It’s hard enough finding someone you have feelings for, and THEN they have to have similar feelings back towards YOU? What are the odds of that? That’s like 1 in a million TIMES another 1 in a million, therefore, the probability of having a successful relationship are like one in a google, hahahahahahaha.

I am probably making what Dr. David Burns calls a “cognitive distortion” there, which is leading to that overly pessimistic conclusion, hahaha.

Well you try to have a good day, and always feel free to talk more about sex, or especially Intimate Relationships, which is one of my favorite topics, haha.

….
“Hahaha” is really just me laughing at my own stupid “jokes”, which I often do multiple times in a post, and more or less indicating a light and relaxed tone. I suppose it is my own alternative to “LOL”, which is technically meaningless conversational filler! But basically it is my attempt to keep a sense of humor about things, even things that might not seem humorous. If I weren’t laughing, I’d be crying…hahahaha. :smilingteeth: Certainly there is not much funny about people breaking each other’s hearts, people throwing other human beings away like garbage, people going through the mere motions of a relationship and going through a revolving door of “lovers”, etc. But I have found a sense of humor, or even just trying to have a sense of humor, to be helpful in getting through the daily struggles! But sometimes it’s a lot like “gallows humor”, or “whistling past the graveyard!”

I meant to point out that I too felt like a total outsider, until I eventually met some people who accepted me for who I was, and then I felt more “connected”, like less of an outsider. I was thankful for that, and it taught me that no matter how much of a “weirdo” I thought I was, I still did desire companionship with people, and was even able to succeed at it to an extent. And just to clarify, these friendships were not what I’d consider “casual”, rather I meant the word “casual” to apply to the short-term “relationships” I had with women at that time. And I indeed wanted those relationships to be more than short-term or casual, but unfortunately, the women did not feel the same way.

I used to be a much clearer and better writer, I swear!

Anyway, I’m kind of in another misanthropic outsider loner phase right now, where I don’t really feel close to anyone. I have drifted away from those old friends, largely due to time and distance, but there are no hard feelings thankfully.

I think even the “weirder” of us are capable of deep and meaningful relationships, but it can be very difficult to find the right people to do that with! Or sometimes we put up a “wall” which can be difficult to take down. I definitely have a wall up right now, and I honestly don’t feel like taking it down!

And then we get into the idea of “SHOULD” and we “should” do this and we “should” do that, the tyranny of “should” etc. Yeah, I “should” let down my wall, and I “should” make more of an effort to make new friends, or meet new women, but I don’t really want to!

For me, I see it as part of the grieving and recovery process from getting over this woman I used to know. She was the person I felt closest to, then I got pretty strong feelings for her, then that came to a catastrophic, horrendous end, and it’s taken almost a year to even begin to move past it, and her being gone has left a huge void in my life, and I still can’t envision another person filling that void. So I guess I am trying to fill that void myself.

It’s also well worth noting that it’s possible to have very close male/male friendships. There have been times in my life where there was a mutual “mancrush” and I got along with male friends in such an unabashed way that it might make some men uncomfortable. In other words, it’s possible to find a sense of intimacy, connection, and closeness with other men, in the context of a close, albeit completely platonic, friendship. In this way, it’s somewhat possible to “substitute” for the intimacy that you / I / we all are seeking with a woman in a romantic relationship.

Needless to say, these type of male friends are not easy to come by either!

I’m rambling again, hahahaha. Take care and try to laugh about the un-laugh-at-able!

END POSTS

well this is fookin CHEAP and WEAK and LAME, RECYCLING posts like this, hehehehe. well the posts i make there are pretty relevant to this blog, of course i would be banned there for saying most of the other stuff i say here.

but yeah the 21 year old sperg virgin did a thread called “sexual expectations” and I just had to take that b8 hahahaha. I totally sympathize / empathize with these lonely sperg virgins. but they are young and so it causes them more distress. i have learned to live with it and laugh about it bitterly hahahah. these kids have no sense of humor about it.

its just funny and not funny how women don’t treat secs as seriously as i do. YOURE THE ONES WHO CAN GET PREGNANT, YA STUPID B!TCH!!!!! YOU SHOULD CARE MORE! YOU SHOULD BE TAKING THIS VERY SERIOUSLY!!!!!! NOT ME!!! I CAN JUST KNOCK YOU UP AND ABANDON YOU!!!

so yeah it DOES make me mad to see women just GIVING it away. they obviously need strong fathers to TEACH them correctly and PROTECT them and to make sure they get married YOUNG to a GOOD man!

instead they have single mothers who are themselves coch carousel riding sluts! with tramp stamps! hahahaha.

WOULDNT YOU RATHER NOT PUT YOURSELF IN THE POSITION OF HAVING TO DECIDE WHETHER OR NOT TO GET AN ABORTION? ABORTIONS AREN’T FUN!!!!!!

GETTING PREGGERS ISNT FUN!!!!!!!

I have to MANSPLAIN this to WOMEN!!!!! UNBELIEVABLE!!!!!

WOMEN DONT UNDERSTAND WHAT IT MEANS TO GET PREGNANT!!! THEY WORRY ABOUT IT LESS THAN MEN!!!!!!!! WHAT IDIOTS!!!!!! I HAVE SUCH CONTEMPT AND DISGUST FOR THEM!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

hehehehe like i said, just going through a phase. I have a lot of woman-contempt due to the ridiculous situation I’m in. i mean COME ON. you can do A LITTLE BIT BETTER THAN THAT, WOMAN.

SHIT, BITCH.

I wish I could just be OVER her, so I could be interested in OTHER women already. because OTHER women are gonna be BETTER to me. NICER. more MATURE. better COMMUNICATORS. not so DISAPPOINTING.

I will go on the internet and HELP OTHER PEOPLE stay out of or fix shitty situations like the one YOU put me through and made me a helpless victim to. hahahaahaha.

Maybe thats the point of this pain. It might not have been a very valuable, useful, meaningful lesson for me, however i damn sure wont make the same mistake again, AND I can help other men. So maybe that does make it worth it. Or at least, more worth it than I thought it was! I still wanna sm0ke tons of w33d tho hahaha.

8 interviews, 180 applied jobs, 1 offer hahahaha for call center. 8/180 = 4.4% hehehehe.  that seems pretty good atually. apply for 100 jobs, get 4 interviews.

was watching a natgeo thing about this j00ish dr shulgin who was into researching psychedelics and their use in therapy. he thought ecstasy / mdma was the greatest thing since sliced bread and allowed you to luv your self rather than hate your self hahaha. I thought well that sounds nice, maybe I should try ecstasy, never did. in fact it might be hard to get pure mdma nowadays, the big thing nowadays is “molly” which you never know what you’re getting there.

plus I heard ecstasy makes you very despaired afterwards, a horrible crash, and also puts a permanent hole in your brain every time you do it.

well, i would do only a small dose hehehe. i am all about Experimenting with Psychedelics to try to help with Despair.

Also I think if you get stuck with some mediocre boring ugly broad, you can take ecstasy together and that might make you feel more grateful for her hahaha.  improve your shitty rel. where you are stuck with a hambeast and can’t stop thinking about the gurl you were in luv with who rejected you 5 years ago. why cant you luv this hambeast like THAT.

mckesson regularly has entry level full time jobs which I apply for regularly and get rejection letters regularly. it would be NICE to get an interview just once from these people. getting a Data Entry Clerk job with High School Level Education is like getting into HARVARD hahahaha.

maybe I should stop putting that I am a WHITE MALE hahaha. and tecnically I DO have a disability, I have Crippling Depression that makes it virtually IMPOSSIBLE for me to WORK like an average employed person hahaha.

well, disabilities might be bad. but being a nonwhite female is definitely very very GOOD haha.

Getting a job at mckesson is harder than getting secs from a woman! and women are huge sluts who give it up real easy! but not when youre a neet loser hahaha.

HEY, i was kinda a huge loser when I first met her, and I was an underachieving, angry, bitter, underconfident nearly-neet loser when we BECAME FRIENDS!!!! and she didnt seem to care. she only CARED when I started LIKING her.

yeah I GET it, being liked by someone is awkward and frustrating and you wish it would just all go away. I GET it. (I hate when people say I GET it, I GET that bla bla bla bla. Just say “I UNDERSTAND” like people used to say.)

sheeeeeeeeit.

sheeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeit.

ehehehehehehe.

well, almost 10 applications today, so that’s good. i did 10 job related THINGS today, like update profile on this staffing agency site. funny how they stopped calling me after i turned down the one call center job. so you can still use me to get your commission! just place me in a non call center job and i will be A Placement who gets you PAID! Dumb Bastards.

stupid bitch hehehe. cant even talk to me yet she sure talks to other guys and gets FOOKED by them, doesnt even CARE that she can get preggers. so what if she does, she can just murder her baby. no big deal. sex is no big deal and its ok to do it with sdtrangers.

partially i am just JEALOUS of people who ENJOY sexs and dont get so NERVOUS about it.

well i get fookin NERVOUS about it ok?!?!?!?!?!?!?!? and the only way I am NOT gonna be nervous about it, is to have a ton of secs I guess. on a regular basis. that is the main way to do it i guess.  and also have lots of valium on hand if i ever get a chance to have secs with some dirty wh0re haha.

if youre not nervous about secs, youre a fooking slutty whore, bitch. hahahaha.

thing is, she was WAY less slutty than average. I am just saying these horrible things about her because I am FURIOUS at her. and theres nothing I can do about it. but keep applying for jobs, going on interviews. so 4% of applications result in an interview. if 4% of interviews result in an offer, then thats like 16/ 10000 chances….. ok gotta apply for 625 jobs to get a job. at like 180 so far. ALMOST THERE!

you SHOULD be nervous about secs with some strange man you just met, ya dumb crazy whore!

sex is an inherently intimate act! you SHOULD be nervous about it period! unless you’ve know the person for years and had secs with them many times. and the first time you have secs with them, you SHOULD be VERY nervous. and that should only be at LEAST 6 months after you’ve first met them.

THAT’S THE RULE.

got some over the head headphones to replace finished earbuds. of course they are cheap headphones as well. Well if I can get 3 to 6 months out of them I will be sorta happy. stupid chinese crap.

well i learned from the Mutual Friend that That Woman has found a new job after only being laid off no more than 1 or 2 months. sounds like in a tech support call center, hahaha. I hope it is on PHONES and not some supervisor bullshit. I hope she has to take so many calls she fooking goes crazy and QUITS. I HATE her being more successful than me. She is stupid white trash and doesnt deserve to be more successful than me. go fook some more ingras and let them pay for your bullshit, bitch.

i mean EVERY woman whos ever rejected me has become more successful than me, and I dont care about that any more. well, im sure i did at the time.

fook it. i just hate all women. i will continue to be in a woman hating phase for AT LEAST 3 more months. probably more like 6!!!!!!!! i just hate women all right! leave me alone! i hate them because they are pieces of shit that break your heart and dont care! they dont give a shit about human life! they throw people away like garbage, they play around with life creation like its nothing, they kill their children like theyre garbage, they do terrible things without remorse, they are sociopaths with no heart or conscience, THATS why i hate women! I have VERY GOOD reasons! or at least very good reasons to hate HER! unfort I just dont want any other women. the only woman i WANT, I also HATE. never a good situation. I just wanna smoke a pound of w33d.

its like she’s BEATING me at life in every way. can do a job that i can’t handle. she can handle life and doesnt fall apart. and she doesnt need a loser like me bringing her down. thats why she Cut Me Loose. I was just Dead Weight on her life.

yeah well even when youre throwing away dead weight you should still do it nicely.

plus it sucks BEING that dead weight and KNOWING it.

took a .7 dose of nyquil, sheeeeit. gotta respond to this mutual friend and I dont want to say TOO MUCH about that woman….but i AM butthurt! i feel i will NEVER get over her and I HAVE to get over her in order to ever be with someone else! And I DO want to have a Wife one day, a Special Woman! and since it CANT be her, it HAS to be someone else! And Im just not ready for that! I just want to work like an adult and smoke weed for a year until she is such old memories I never think about her and dont really want her!

got some protein bars from the store. i originally wanted to get some Protein Powder but it was 20 bucks for a big container. I might have gone with a 10 dollar smaller container. come on. so i went with buying 2 small protein bars. with 20 g of protein each.

 

STUFF FROM MARCH 2015

[WARNING OCT 22 2016:

well, more of a clarification hahaha.

  1. i never got this angry again. i was FURIOUS and saying horrible things and wishing horrible things on That Woman, but I wasnt being really serious, i was just really angry at the shitty situation. so dont take those seriously at all. also, when shit hit the fan a few months after this, i was never that angry even at that time. well, maybe at MYSELF for being such a shameful pathetic coward.  was never this angry at HER again. just sad and devastated and disappointed.
  2. just continues to point out the obvious lesson: i should have just communicated with her then. like ME writing her an email THEN, in march/feb 2015. another alternative would be Just Let It Go, because she was obviously not wanting to hang out with me. keep in mind this wasnt some Rando, I already knew her for 2+ years BEFORE all this, where we had a History of hanging out.
  3. interesting that i was still Handling and Surviving my job tho! I was also using a fair amount of MJ. kinda envious of that. wouldnt mind some of that right now.
  4.  i really didnt hate her as much as it sounds like in this stuff. never forget this does not reflect my state now, but as of march 2015, when things were a lot different hhehehehe.  as of oct 2016 I am pretty much Over It, but still a little butthurt. not really angry or negative at her. i mean i would still Take Her Back hahahahahaha. but i am just trying to live muh life without her. I lost an important person and it takes a VERY long time to FULLY get over.

]

apri 19

found some good txt files I wrote when things were going bad with the woman in march, april, may, maybe even feb 2015. that I didnt want to post here. well I think I can finally post them here. oh goody. like there was one i wrote on the very day she Snapped at me saying Please Leave hahahaha.

they were on my hard drive but not sure i copied them all to my google drive. copied them all to google drive. so look in the personal writing folder / april may june 2015 / folder which have been using ever sincee hahahaha.

hmm the LORD is smiling upon me and I am THANKFUL, I officially make a big deal out of praising the LORD in public, and then cursing him in private, hahaha. no not really. but now have an “interview” with staffing agency on thursday. spoke to the recruiter as soon as I got out of bed and did ok considering hahahahaha. with the phone bullshitting. She sounded not as smart as me, and she is a Personnel Manager and prob makes way more than 15 DAH!

so do that in 2 days. today take the post office test, that should be “fun.” today or tomorrow maybe go to local thrift store and look for suit coats. something blue I think.

well i guess its good to be making baby steps of progress here.

ok i am gonna recycle that old stuff. copy and paste. might lead to a few super long posts hahaha.

MARCH 2015 notepad . txt

end of feb first part of march 2015 coming through::::: start::::: [yuge copy paste with some deletions] ::::::::

boo ya ka sha. officially boycotting wordpress, not that this is much better.
feb 28 2015, sat, 702pm. leave for partay at 8. that should be fun but i just enjoyed the last relaxer so that is getting the nerves up a bit but . ok uploading. should put on new pair of socks. fam coming home possibly tomrw.
ok gotta chill out fast. now nervous about everything haha. and now the down arrow on kyboard is failing. just listening to some hlidskjalf really quietly hahaha. guitar is broken and needs to be thrown away. damn. nervous about buying beer even though i have no plans to drink it!!

[was going to small fun chill party hosted by my male work friend who was/is a real good guy, I truly liked him hahaha. I always tried to get That Woman to go with me, but she never accepted. Later I worried that she would blow me off only to show up there on her own accord, or to go with this other guy from work who I was jealous of, and I was worried that would be understandably humiliating to me: invite her, she rejects me, I go, and then she goes there with another guy. this never happened hahahaha. I really dont think she ever hung out with that guy much. good hahaha. ]
and then it mysteriously starts playing filosofem, during The Song, so i back it up to a good point. after the screechy guitar part ends, and dem 3 notes which repeat forever. oh yeah.

so i figured, take a valium pretty soon and see if that helps. or maybe right after i buy the beer. pretty nervous about that too!!!
not gonna bring a relaxer, but i dont think im responsible for needing to do that anyway!

[I of course do not drink but I brought them some alcohol to share with the drinking guests.]

day after. sunday. march 1. 2015. 118pm. neckbearding. got home at like 320 am last night from “party”, turned out pretty well, was even 1 cute gurl there (but i think she was Dating one of the guys there.) turned out well. actually very well. i got socialize with some people from muh job. i brought them some beer for community use. so it was very nice and would like to do it again and i was happy to be invited. everyone was active and playing games and people were still going strong at 230 am when the first person left, and i left with them, because i was f00king TIRED and EXHAUSTED and couldn’t believe nobody left earlier. but I snuck out somewhat awkwardly, but i needed to. came home, did small relaxer, and went right to bed.

would have been nice to go with female friend, but it was jsut fine wihtout her. plus i am OBSESSED with her in an unhealthy way, always thinking about her. not good. also she has become a Net Loss on my life, adding more Negative rather than Positive. So I should “let her go” hahahahahahhaha. deleted phone number from phone. maybe i should block her on facebook.

well i learned that blocking would unfriend, which would make me look butthurt. so i just turned off chat and Unfollowed her.

[ok this is exactly the type of Valuable INformation I am hoping to highlight by posting these hahaha. to show i was thinking SOME reasonable thoughts about the Rel.]

maybe i will do SOME cleaning, for like 30 minutes, then one last relaxer, then finish ….
back at 4 pm. was somewhat productive. had the last relaxer, then laboriously cleaned the floors, countertops.
now want to do a little neckbearding, will do more tidying up later
ok
kinda did that. took the final final relaxer.  then go right to bed, big day tomorrow!
and great news the poker is back with the new site.
enjoying super refreshing sidral mundet apple soda.
march 3 2015, tues nite, 721 pm,
female friend is being godawful. i am ready to just let her go. cut her loose. dead weight. is adding no value. has sucked more value than added value, total. a net loss. [yuppppppppppppppppppppp]
later, 1228 am, dark, ok turned on light.
RUNDGANG IS SONG OF MONTH FEB / MARCH 2015!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
and then that can go on yer mix tape of the year.

[from burzum filosofem. yeah its great stuff. classic album.]

[everything in square brackets is current commentary from april 2016. there is also some stuff from these I am redacting haha.]
have said wrote thought and said everything there is to be said about ff, no point in even talking about her here!!!!!!!!!!! have heard it ALL before. right now i am backing off of her 90000000 miles. trying to at least, doing ok the past couple days but sent her 1 stupid text yesterday, of course she did not respond, so now i am backing way off.
march 4 day off, AND tomorrow off as well. i took some “mental health” days because every day of my job is liek war, draining and stressful all day, and you’d rather lose the money than go into work becuase its so HARD and rough!

did game and relaxer yesterday. had a bad cough and took some dayquil to go to sleep. hope i do not have bronchitis some smoking too many relaxers.
going to the bathroom like aboss. i think i may try to do a relaxer tonight, and then “go for a powerwalk” and try to find a place in the nearby park to enjoy it. stands to reason. i have a couple ideas.
wow slowest computer ever. flash crashing constatntly.just trying to lisdten to music on youtube and play settlers and hehehe. it is too much for the 2 gb of ram to handle i think. [at this time I took the plunge and bought the new laptop I am using 1 year later hahahaha now.]
2 days off wow. the job is so draining all you want to do when getting home, if you can survive, is smoke w33d and sleep and do cuddlebangs with young qt, and getting a young qt is the hardest thing in the world, harder than getting w33d and even harder than surviing the stressful day!!!!
and ff is a dirty n199er loving whore who can f0ck off and die, she is dead to me. lol. [I was not censoring these, haha] but no i will not text her today and not text her tomorrow. by the time i see her on friday which i may not, she will be begging to jump on muh d. if i don’t see her on friday, then i will continue to stay 900000000 miles away from her until monday, when she will want even more toi jump on my d.
i dopnt care, that c00nt is a whore who deserves to be r4ped to d34th like a bitch in india, hahaha. [HYPERBOLE!!!!]
no i will not do the r4ping because i am not a violent person, violence is wrong.
well she certainly deserves to be rejected, cheated on, pumped and dumped, for the rest of her pathetic white trash life. we can save degenerate whites, but when a bitch is a n1993r f00king race traitor, that’s the point they become a lost cause. turn your back and let them drown.
heh. there are obviously much better women out there and i should try to court THEM.
i am just in a huge creepy woman hating phase right now because i am am real mad at her. would like for the anger and creepiness to decrease.
yeah i will go to the park and try to enjoy a relaxer. it is covered in 3 feet of snow and pretty sure i do not have winter boots.
so ff facebook chatted with me which she NEVER does and said she had been very sick since friday and thats why she disappeared. well even if she was taking bl4ck c0ck, it was nice that she lied to save my feelings hahahaha.
so i felt better about her than i have in days so thats good. still not good chances, but i dont like being so ANGRY at her.

[she usually had Credible excuses always like she was SICK or she was with FAMILY. she seemed to show some remorse or sympathy here, and i was always willing to give her the benefit of the doubt.]
soon will go to park to check it out. want it to be like sunset or something. and stuff.
yeahyeah have not had two back to back days off in two months. totes getting burnt out on job and i just want two days off. i can listen to msuic, i can sleep in, i can go down to the park in 10 minutes and try to do the relaxer. that should be interesting. i am thinking to essentially get inside a pine tree surrounded by snow and that will be like a little fort, with privacy.
well did that and it wasnt nearly as fun as i hoped. oh well. it is better now. but at the time it sucked, and i wouldnt want to do it again. well maybe if it was darker. and found a better tree.
problems were, if sometone wanted to see me, they could see a person standing trying to hide by a pine tree and smoking something, possibly crystal meth hahahaha. plus it was extremely loud trudging thru the snow to get there. plus it was windy and freezinf. plus i think it burned faster and i certainly did not enjoy it as much!!!

[its not worth it to take “relaxers” ie DEGENERATE MJ in public parks, too much nervous]

normalfag average successfuls, who can hold down a job, be middle working class, live in their own house, be married and have a family, and are not driven to madness or self destruction by their jobs or their crazy minds or their own laziness.
anyway. i am a lot chiller when things are going ok with ff. and i went from being super mad and wanting her to die, to being happy and in luv with her again, jsut because she messaged me and said she had been sick and showed me the teensiest bit of friendliness. [very back and forth from anger and hate, back to luv. I havent really felt that intense anger towards her since it ended, strangely enough. just mainly sad and disappointed.]
too bipolar and codependent or just dependent on her, eh? yes indeed. , so better that she disappears entirely right, because i could never have a healthy “rel” with her. and now that i like her and don’t hate her, like i did yesterday, i spent a little time looking at pictures of her. GREAT. and thinking of cuddlign and making out and licking sweaty butt juice out of her 4ss crack. [DEGEN WARNING, but you want to do really gross stuff with the one u luv haha.]
GREAT.
ok gotta go to store. get gas. milk. really got to get oil change. this is the stuff of life i have never been too good at.
yeah buddy. march 6, friday, survived day at work, every day is a miracle, one day i am just gonna snap and get fired hahahahahaha oh losing your livelihood is nothing to take seriously!!!!!

but you get quite the education. they don’t train us, because they can get away without training us. because really, we do not have the power to screw things up too bad, and cost the company too much money, and lives are never at stake. well, i guess you COULD delete a bunch of client data and cost the company thousands of dollars that way before they found you and fired you.
so they can get away with putting us in truly ridiuclous situations
welp it kinda sucks that i have w33d but not real way to enjoy it,

but it is awesome that i survived the day and get to go to sleep. maybe i will try some nyquil. actually thats a great idea.
really they just need to tell us what to say. TELL US WHAT TO SAY. I guess that is our job, to figure out what to say. a big part of our job is delivering bad news about stuff that cannot be done; or to explain WHY something can’t be done or why something happened; and that information is never available. . stupid negroes. they can suck my dick.
as someone who doesnt like to lie, it is uncomfortable for me to twist the truth. but since its not a FULL lie, and it’s actually easier than telling the truth here, because then you sound like an IDIOT who doesn’t know what you’re doing, so in that sense it makes sense to lie, like bullshitting. its bullshitting is all it is, really.
like they tell you no eta, and you tell them, TENTATIVE eta of 2 weeks, but that is not firm, yeah i’m sorry, yes i will throw my superiors under the bus, if i ran this company, i would hold them accountable, yes if this style of management keeps up, this company will not be around in 5 years, etc. we at the bottom work the hardest and get no help, etc. tell people to talk to their managers and their managers are either never fooking there, or don’t know what theuy’re doing, or they ARE they manager calling you because they don’t know what theyre doing.

ff is very disappoint. i am in lusting love with her but she feels nothing for me.we are basically at the “please respond” super omega phase, so….. that sucks. just gonna listen to judas priest and neckbeard all day, maybe concoct a plan to enjoy a relaxer later. can either go to the park 4 miles away OR go to the park near house. but find a diff place there.

angry at female friend for never wanting to respond to me, never wanting to hang out with me; angry at self for being so hung up on her, and for only giving effort with her alone and not other people, not just women, but trying to hang out with male friends too!!!!!

if you ever feel the need to write “PLEASE RESPOND” to a grill, it’s gone too far. stop right there and back the fook off, 9000000 miles. she obviously doesn’t want to respond to you and isn’t WORTH your energy.
heh. this is after i was back in luv with female fren a few days ago. it is SO back and forth, up and down, one extreme to the other, bipolar. [wow. funny that 3 months AFTER this I would be BEGGING “please respond” like never before! you see how I should have BLURTED IT OUT in MARCH at the latest! I was clearly going crazy then!!!!]

sunday march 8 1037 am, just “sprang fwd” to dyalight savings time and LOST a precious hour of SLEEP!!!!!!!! so i am butthurt about that.

then i came home and neckbearded till about 9 pm then went to bed and slept.
texted ff once and she did not respond. same as yesterday. come on. well i will know better, i will not text her today!!!! unbeleiveable. the gall of this b1tch hehehehe. well it doesn’t bode well for me to be so attached to her, when she could care less about me!!!!!
welp gotta go to church now. well i will just skip out of course!!!!
ok leave in like 40 mintues. no shower. smell horrible. look like a slob.
but yeah it sucks being bipolar about her, and utterly un movable about everything else. priorities are way out of whack. they kinda have been for most of my life. i was never really worried about career as much as i was worried about women. how stupid is that?
ok leave in 17 minutes.
well as long as i can get thru each day of work. which i kind of can, with my new flashcards system, and my leanring to BS better, and my cutting corners. all good skills and habits to learn hahaha.

i mean those things ARE good if it helps the company, makes more money, etc. but it is hard to say for our dept. lot of gray area, which means we are very expendable. like, how much money is the company really going to lose if they have a big technical problem? and how much money does our department want to spend to solve it, or can they just lay people off and say it’s not worth it to spend the money to fix it? important business questions.

but i am glad my female friend got rejected for the job she interviewed for. hahaha. welcome to my world baby. no escape. get used to being rejected. its a fact of life. life goes on. pretty young women dont get rejected enough.

but yeah i wish this b1tch would respond to me. or at least that i were more popular with more b1tches, so it wouldn’t MATTER if one measly b1tch did not respond to me, id have 5 more responding to me. damn. b1tches and wh0res.
540 pm well i sent her a text which is just a 🙂 and that is all. no supplicating for forgiveness, ok actually this is a facebook message not a text. no begging, just a simple 🙂 which is still pretty beta.
i might try a relaxer

well, my company doesn’t train people, in my job, so that means they tacitly approve of me BS’ing to the callers. meaning i have the freedom to tell them what i want. but i should still have some stock bs answers ready, because the company won’t give you those.

when in doubt, say that the process is known to fail 1% of the time. this is one of those times. fortunately it’s easy to fix and should not happen again. if it does, that means something else is wrong, call us back please.
this is kinda like medicine, but also kinda not, because it’s very difficult to determine the cause of anything.
say yeah its unfortunate we can’t determine the cause of these. computers are actually a million times more unpredictable than a human body. we just have to be grateful to alleviate the symptoms. these computers do not have a useful life of more than three years anyway.

if you think i am pessimistic you should talk to your managers manager because that is your best chance to have a talk with a real decision maker.

Anonymous 03/08/15(Sun)20:09:09 No.16935165▶
>>16934781
The robot who is on the verge of normalcy faces a great dilemma: does he wait for who knows how long to find a girl that meets his standards, ridiculous or not, or does he settle for a girl he will inevitably be disgusted by to remove his loneliness for a while?

sdsds

march 10
they dont train us, because time and experience has proven, they don’t NEED to train us, it doesn’t add enough value to train us, in fact, they LOSE money by training us. because they just need a warm body who can not get emotional, and write down facts without emotion, and then if it gets escalated, the people who might understand a little better can use those facts to piece together the puzzle. and this is more efficient than training us. or else they would train us, if that were more efficient.

i could go up to a manager and be like why don’t you train us? hahahahahaha.
because it really doesn’t matter.

march 11
i just bought a new computer for 443 dollars. damn. it has double the ram so i hoping its twice as fast. i prob should have sprang for even more ram but i am just so sick of this computers slowness. i can’t even run tabs and sheet.
probably won’t be super fast.
anyway i kind of need this sort of big 444 dollar purchase to be an impulse toherwise i won’t do it.
ok mfer lets do it.
well i did that and its done. definite pros and cons, risks and such, not proud, et

Barfly – Opening scene (Booker T. & The MG’s – Hip Hug-Her …
▶ 4:13
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=dHFevKZn0lA
Nov 2, 2010 – Uploaded by Dani Carpi
Barfly – Opening scene (Booker T. & The MG’s – Hip Hug-Her) …Am I the only one in the world that thought this great songsounded a bit like …

[it is a great song but not sure which song i thought it was supposed to sound like!!!!! perhaps “the changeling”, the opening song on the doors great final album “la woman.”]

oh yeah just moved this stuff onto notepade.
notepad is 90000000 times faster.
saving the txt file on google drive.

i just prefer this kind of writing program atm.

notepad is hardest core and best writing program.
yes this is much better than docs.

keep checking fb like a beta because i sent ff a fb msg early in the day. the first one was a long “fun” one abotu music; then i though oh no that’s creepy, so i sent her a short one at the end of the day, very short, testing to see if she would chat then. not surprisingly she did not. [trying to do small talk about common interest of music, prob to show her I am still that same kewl guy she became friends with]

gotta go to bed soon. hope that new computer is faster because if not i am screwed.
march 12 2015

[the new computer is faster and it has provided me great value for 13 months so far. I enjoy it. no regertz]

////////END  COPYPASTE

Yeah I found some more so get used to this shit hahahaha. ok paste one more in this post.

uhhh took my post office test 473 and got 86.9 on it. i guess 70 is the minimum and 100 is the max? I did Well except for the final part, which involves memorizing addresses, and my MEMORY is HORRIBLE from all the ABUSE I did to my brain from ages 16-26 hahahaha. more like wawawawawawawa. it is not funny, hahaha. wawawawa.

GO::::::

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march 2015 txt:::: [current comments in [] ]

mar 17 2015
had big screw up w ff today when i went to talk to her and i was getting creepy again which is never good, i honestly could be overestimateing that tho, very hard to tell who was the bad guy there. i like to think it was her! she said please just leave and i left. but i was just shocked more than anything. was having a not horrible day, but she wasnt making it any better!!! i had good talks with 2 people, investigated some good issues, still gotta get quicker wiht the escalations so i try to do everything first then write shortest book possible, crammed with all info. noice got a noice new mouse installed, it looks noice. i am thinking of the jason sudeikis char on cleveland show, hilarious. one of the new comedians thats actually any good.

dont like gdocs. prefer notepad but i dont wanna sync it w google drive download, trying to avoid that one as much as possible. leaves all sorts of files under users.

fook it , starting a notepad, see that.

ok here we go.

playing some cards, swc is back! love it.

now just gotta rememebr to save this dam txt file!

oooh

cleveland saying donna she is a shamefully obese widow, in reference to kendra. this show is so underrated. i should buy a dvd haha.

but it sucks about ff. i really wanted to avoid looking like the bad guy. i want her to text me and say im sorry for once hahaha. but she prob wont. 90 10.
and so when i see her again on thursday i got to stay away from her like THE PLAGUE. no nothing. total 100% avoidance. maybe one stupid smiley face at the end of the day at very most.

so yeah it never feels good to have a major screwup like that! but i did ok with my new priority programname tech. and then to finish the day with ok behaviour towards her, to have it all build up from like 530 to 6 pm, is riduclous! and diappoiting of course.

hard to say how many people noticed, i hoped not a lot.

[ I was surviving decently well with My Calls it looks like. I was doing well and fairly confident all day, having a good day, UNTIL I went to talk to her at the end of the day, and she was very bitchy and I went completely crashing down I guess. I dunno I just wanted to chit chat with her before leaving. seeing her was the highlight of my day. and seeing me was something she dreaded and could do without. she never came to visit me, I always came to visit HER, and then I stopped doing that because thats what she wanted hahahaha.]

hmm i guess i was in the wrong because i was distracting her from her work, and i would not like to be distracted during my work. it is just physically impossible. so maybe she was not lying when she said she wasnt mad at me.

even hard to say how mad she actually is cuz i neveer get much info out of her. things are pretty bad.

[yes. should have blurted it out.]

and i cannot be the bad guy. that is the most important thing.

well, not really, but it is very important.

[it is! because I didnt want it to be ALL MY FAULT!!!!!]

or she could just not be mad and just brushing it off. in which case its probably better that she IS mad, because that means she cares, rather than runnig off sucking n199er c0ck. and partying with all the more alpha men at werk, getting spit roasted like a whore.

or even just making out with other guys. i get very jealous when i am not given a chance. yep i do sound like the bad guy eh.

but yeah it sucks, i wish she would just text me with SOMETHING and just let me know.

so yeah i hope she is lying and she is mad….i think? it is just as confusing as the confusing stuff we do all day. and i told her i hate being confused all day, in refernece to the job.

but i am actually performing better on the job than i am
performing with her. but still stressed out about both.

bottom line, situation there JUST SUCKS. it JUST SUCKS altogether. heh. i am mad at HER.

but i still like her too, so i cant be TOO mad. but i shouldn’t like her so much cuz its stupid, and she doesn’t like me back, and she makes me fairly mad. stressed and confused nad anxious.

so yeah obviously i should avoid her like the plague on thursday. well that takes care of that eh.

[i didnt want to avoid her though. I was struggling to Rein it in and Dial It Back, but I still wanted Closure and Communication. I couldn’t avoid it until it went away. It wasnt gonna go away for me. I should blurted it out and wrote her an email right then. in march. not july. coulda saved four months hahaha. that is thousands of dollars.]

yeah its terrible that i CARE so much and worry so much and she doesn’t give a damn at all, AND on top of that, she won’t give me dat ass that she gives tons of other guys. of course im entitled to it, we actually KNOW each other!!!!

well like i said, i plan on dumping her completely if things are not looking good by the end of april. that is the absolutely laterst deadline, and them i am dumping her like the dead weight white trash whore dirty tramp she is.

[see I was getting pretty angry at her and how she was avoiding and ignoring me. shoulda said THIS ENDS NOW. WE NEED TO TALK NOW. also i didnt have any PROOF she was slutting it up with other guys, but I was jealous that she was friendlier to other guys than to me. plus disgusted by her past Mudsharking.]

and i can’t even inquire about the status right now, becuase that would be too invasive. but i would like such an update, was hoping she would send me an apology to be honest.

but yeah that came out of nowhere. she just spun around and faced me and told me to please leave. wow. i was so taken aback. i said ok and quickly left without argument, probably squeezing in a few sorrys as well.

i have been saying sorry way too much, esp when i don’t really feel that much at fault, if anything the blame is 55 45 ON HER!

maybe even 60 40 she’s the bad guy!

but even if im the good guy, i still dont get to be with her wahhhhhhhhhhh life of loneliness ftw. and the nice memories we did have, they really were good and it would be so sad to end this way. but i don’t want to be just friends with her any more and am willing to risk the whole thing for a chance. but to also not be the bad guy beyond that.

[well it actually ended in an even SADDER way….]

march 18
sheeeeeeeeiiiiiiiittttt. stupid female friend, wish she never existed! judas priest is the only thing that can save me now. live vengeance 82 in memphis. make a cd of that.

welp that means i got to downlaod stupid programs to the comp.

it is also very resassuring to me that rob halford, a scrawny, weak-chinned, homosexual, bald, short, man can be such a huge masculine badass. if he can do it, so can ANYBODY. and to do it so convincingly and sincerely. no hint of compensating for anything.

and if women think you’re weird for loving a gay man, then they can go fook themselves, rob halford is way cooler than some bitch.

ok made that cd.
next plan is to take shower, make relaxer, go out and do that, go to store, get bananas, fish oil, maybe soda, maybe gas, peanuts, stuff.

f00king bitch, i am very mad at her!!!! at how she could just not care about me at all and totally leave me holding the bag. bagholder. leaving me in the LURCH and just j00ing me like a bitch.

i wish she would say sorry to ME rather than me apologizing to HEr 900000000 times a day because she thinks i’m weird.

i have always got rejected because i was too weird. bitches always think i’m too weird, then they don’t want to hang out with me, forget making out or physical or even emo action.

f00k bitches, all i need is gay rob halford and judas priest.

but yeah if shes gonna be a big whore giving that ass to everyone else, then YES i AM ENTITLED, bitch. give me a little bit too, if youre just a promiscuous whore!!!! [again no proof, just angry at her, and jealous]

also i afeel a bit sold out. not necessarily betrayed, but i just thought we were simply better friends than for her to totally dump me like that. because im not cool enough, or too weird, or too needy, or i want to talk to her too much, or whatever. wtf. [not necess betrayed! Even at my most angry I knew she wasnt betraying me. but she was leaving me high and dry.]

that feel when you have officially fallen in luv with a grill and she hasn’t explicitly rejected you YET, so you get false hope. and things are finally starting to get nice and tense, worrisome, stressful. you a re close to getting your official rejection. sweet.

but at least SOMETHING is happening.i was glad to push her to do something, buttttttt i dont want to look like the bad, creepy, weird guy, abusing this poor innocent wimmin.

and yet i still want to text her and talk to her and “figure this out!”
unebeliveable!!!!!

so i watch degen porno to get mind off her, and then imagine her doing that with all these other guys but never me!!!!! [yeah I should not have been watching degen porno, but then i was convinced it was a tool to help me get over her, and not think about HER. maybe it was, but I am glad I quit watching that stuff a few months after this.]

wow eveything ive type PROVES i am the bad guy! non bad guys dont think like this! and this is not the good kind of bad guy, but rather the creepy weird beta omega virgin who never pulls pussy!!!!!

march 18
gotta go to bed super soon, big day tomorrow. cannot contact ff at ALL ENTIRE DAY, still on fence abut the one smiley at very end of day, but that would prob be creepy, so, dont do it.

think of my reputation!!!!!!! on the job i mean!!! yikes i am aleady in too deep. or at least the semi normies on /adv would advise, but its a fun forum anyway.

well at least i have the time before she gets in. it is gonna be no easy three days though. dear god have mercy on us all.

msrch 21
playing cards, jpriest, skepticism ethere ep, did ok on cards, still 90 out of 100 bankroll though. great music, did relaxer in left side of park, ver tired now, 1227 am, just about to go to bed here. female fren is retarded and i wish we could just hang out. probabl shell hang out with me like end of april and then say oohhhh im so happy now and i found a new BOIFRAN too! hooray for me taking n199er c0x!

[no she DIDNT hang out with me end of april. but she did finally confess she had a family issue. so i felt guilty about pushing her. but I still think she could have taken 5 minutes and wrote me an email. communicated somehow.]

and then i will say see ya, have a shitty life, white trash, you deserve it.

march 22 sunday morning. 9 am. i seem to have been getting up early sunday morn. neckbeardih, judas priest TURBO, getting uh better call saul in, watching episode 2 now, taking a break now. will goto church at 12 but do relaxer BEFORE then sit in the back with the zipperheads.

now in bathroom doing decadence.

varg v has a great recent vidya to all the pvssy f4ggots whining about not be able to finda good women, all women are whores, mgtow, omega, virgins, etc, and his first video to deal directly with this topic.
FAINT HEARTS DO NOT WIN FAIR LADIES, is the norse proverb he repeats here. stop being a littl epvssy f4ggot bitch, and do something manly, brace, heroic, and the decent women will come to you. kind of like he did with his music and pro-white work. you have to be above average in some way. so he got himself a decent woman, and now has 4 or 5 kids with her. can’t blame him!

turbo jp.
sentenced love and death, particular dreamlands.
jp out in the cold, followed by dreamlands, in the march 2015 mix haha.

march 25
wed day off, being semi productive, listening to jp sentinel, dotf.
about to go to store and do a relaxer on the way. [DEGEN!!!!!]

just waiting 12 minutes for washing machine to stop. then i will go.

ff [female friend] is still being a n1993r loving cvnt. really bad. i deserve better. well i once deserved better. but this is about as good as i deserve now…..and i still can’t pull it!

[I didnt and I do not and I will not even like MUDSHARKING. it is DISGUSTING. and DISGUSTING that the luv of my life would ever do something like that. NOT EVEN ONCE.]

she is nicer when i ignore her, so i will try to ignore her. job is really bad and i would love her moral support, but she is utterly refusing to give it, the ice cold bitch. plus she finds the job bearable because HER job is TEN times easier. and she thinks its MY problem that i am always stressing out. well bitch, my job is TEN times harder than yours, thats why i’m stressing out. easy for YOU to “go with the flow” dummy. i don’t have that luxury. check your privilege. i jokingly told her to check her livechat privilege but she blew it off, she will never admit her job is easier than mine.

[i was bitter because I believed doing livechats was easier than doing phones. when really i prob would have been miserable on livechats too. I was just butthurt because she was much better at Not Letting The Job Bother Her than I was.]

so i have been joining this other clique and feeling good to be appreciated. then yesterday i went around walking for an hour helping people more than i have done in recent memory. of course ff did not see it. i was hoping she would so i could blatantly walk by her and NOT help her, because she never needs help, shes so smart.

[i was on a personal mission to stay after my shift for an hour, and walk around, and help newer people who clearly needed help, but the department had gotten rid of physical people walking around giving help, cut costs. I thought that was horrible. So I stayed after work and did this unpaid. I wanted to also show HER how much SMARTER I was than her, and I was chomping at the bit for her to ask me for help. but she never did. well I was SMART, look at all the OTHER people who love me and think I’m smart.]

i even talked to the pretty girl i want to wife up, but she was a little bitchy too. i guess all women are bitches hahaha. or i bring out the bitchiness in women. still she is a higher quality woman than ff, and i think she has drawn male attention away from ff, which is good.

[there was a new gurl who was like a younger, prettier version of that woman. and indeed guys would probably white knight for her before they would white knight for That Woman.]

shes probably a huge bitch due to all the male attention she gets because she is so pretty.

well thank GOD for muh chat room [social/casual/friendly work chat room, not official level 2 chat room] and the friendly people there who give ME moral support. that has def made a positive impact.

also, my flashcards.
also, my walking around on the call floor is good for me becuase it helps ME learn so i am more confident later.

[this is very true. i wasnt doing this for the sole purpose of bragging to her. I really DID want to help the new people. I really DID have a vendetta against the company having bad training and eliminating physical support walkers. as opposed to getting ALL your level 2 advice from a gayass Chat Room. it REALLY helps to have a real person who can look at your screen and talk to you right there.]

it is a lot easier to LEARN and THINK when you don’t have the PRESSURE of a caller holding, making you NERVOUS. damn son.

heh march 25 finished doing my income taxes, getting 1700 dollars back from uncle sam, 160 dollars from muh state. not bad eh?

march 28 2015

PANTERA LIVE 1988. this and defenders era live priest.
march 29 810 am
got out of bed early, went to bed at 930 pm, was violently tired and couldn’t force myself to watch tv or neckbeard.
then got a solid 9 or 10 hours or sleep, def need more!

i did a small relazer yesterday where i used my cigaret machine to inject the mixture into a regular cigaret tube. then i tried punching holes in the filter and pulling out some of the filter. because i don’t want any precious relaxation getting filtered out! but i wanted it to look like a normal cigarete rather than a realy suspicious conical relaxer, so that really does bring down the anxiety level there. but the thing is done faster and i worry that some of it might be wasted.

oh well, it was pretty good and i think with the right tools i could remove the filter better. like a pin or paper clip or exacto knoife.

[you can just squeeze the filter out, throw away half, then stuff the other half back in there. OR use a little rolled up piece of flashcard and no cotton filter.]

pantera should NOT have abandoned their power metal days so abruptly. phil had a great halfordesque voice that he threw away too quickly. cowboys was fine, no problem there, but then the big tuff guy switcheroo after that was too much. and no reason to stop playing the power metal songs live. power metal is an awesome album and them turning their back on it is a little weak. when phil was 20 years old he could hit all those same notes live. see live 1988 and 1989 recordings. him and dime were not falling down sloppy drunk like degen199ers. [great word coinage hahaha. and yeah all this music talk is correct.]

and the cfh is filled with halford highs in every song, i wish he didn’t stop that so soon. i used to think the highs were corny but now i fully appreciate them, and i appreciate where they came from: halford.

best thing to do with ff [female friend] is: NOT text or message her today. i turned off fb chat. leave it off. i should have never friended her. i might just leave fb for a month and then have her unfriended when i come back. [wrong: best thing to do would say THIS ENDS NOW, WE NEED TO TALK. BLURT IT OUT. it was SIX MONTHS already. I was playing according to her rules. I could have been ASSERTIVE and said NO I will not let you continue to walk all over me like this. you are crossing my boundaries. tradeucing them hahahaha.]

uhhhh.

sunday still. 12 54 pm. listening to priest…live! opens with out in the cold.

poker site down again haha. trying not to text ff today. would be great to accomplish that goal.plus its obviously the smarter thing to do. [nope see above]

march 31
well today action is happening and i am awaiting the big official LJBF/dumping email in the next 12 hours, at 1148 pm i thought it might be here, but NO. well i checked at least. we had a good work chat  where she was starting to respond positively but her redneck language prevented her from communicating the full ideas, but it seemed to suggest an email forthcoming. rut ro reorge.

[I think I was under the impression that she would send me an email. I think during our “good work chat” I encouraged her to write me an email. But I didnt come out and say “please write me an email for sure.” I felt she did understand that I wanted her to write me an email, but really she probably didnt. She did not end up writing one hahaha. But for a while I really thought she was, and I thought it would be some good closure.]

i am prepared for the absolute worst, stay away from me weirdo, to which i would i would gladly respond, glady cupcake. have fun being the new company slut ya whore! taking all comers except one!

but it could be something different, but still 95% BAD outcome. i am not optimistic about the outcome at ALL. but i am still eagerly awaiting it, because at least it means this chapter in muh life can END. hehe worlds biggest closure fan.jpg

i made a small joke of her going to the concert with this guy from job, who is notably younger, taller, handsomer, less bald haha, a bit trimmer more proportionate, who i had long suspected ff with haha, well she tells me she went with him and i was like ouch babe lol. glad to see who’s in the cool kids club lol, thats ok, im already over it B) [i did make a joke about this, because I was kinda upset about her going with him and not even inviting me. I said I like going to concerts with yooooou even if I do not know the Artist very well. it would be fun. you know I like all kinds of music right? then joked about her thinking this guy was cooler than me now, guess she was getting bored of me after 2.5 years hahaha. and then she responded to that work chat by saying nooooo we (me and her) are good friends, you are a way better friend than he is, etc, whcih was exactly what I was fishing for. ]

but yeah the email will send some kind of clear sign that i must abide by in order to keep moral high ground. no exceptions. this is THE END. i can actually breathe a sigh of relief for this being FINSHED. and then i have only the job haha. [well, i was HOPING I would get an email that sent a clear sign. I should have shown the initiative and done that myself and said LISTEN. THIS ENDS NOW.]

play a little cards.

april 1
hmm still waiting on that email that gives me muh precious closure hahaha. [there was a misunderstanding of course.]

also everyone at our job could get laid off today. i wouldn’t mind, the job sucks that bad. and if you convert my money made in 2014 to that of a full time worker, uh then i made less than 10 dollars an hour. so a 12 dollar hour job would be a big step up, provided it has no layoff.

and signing up for company healthcare was a BIG mistake, i will never use it, stuff like dentist and docker office visits, are not affected. finding a new doctor and paying for their office visit is like 120$ copay or whatever, and that’s with insurance. or the insurance just doesnt cover anything. previous doctro was 80 bucks for office visit. i have to find another old white cheap docter hehehe. he is retiring or sick and that is kinda sad, i should see what happened to him. [he had a ridiculous fraud, prescription, sex scandal hahaha and went to prison]

 

just waiting for the email of doom. i mean i really deserve and am entitled to a positive outcome here but 90% will get screwed because i always get screwed by women when it comes to not being rejected haha. can never get my cuddlez and make outs and datez let alone masculine reamings. no hangouts, no nothing. no good, all bad. damn. bitches be bitches man. wipe them off the face of the earth, not before raeping the shit out of them! disgusting degenerate idiot subhumans. [HYPERBOLE!!!!]

averagefags have disappointents with wimmin too, but the good eventually outweighs the bad. not for the likes of us lost souls: the bas has outweighed the good, so we have a generally negative attitude towards women, because women have sucked for us more than they’ve been ok!!!

cons of my ff is that she is a white trash n1993r lover from a very broken family who is dumber than i give her credit for, and doesn’t really like me, and is incraeasingly becoming more degen as time goes on and she gets OLDER.

pros are that she used to be really nice and friendly and decent and non-degen and low-number, and kind and caring and gentle. that is the version of her i fell in luv with.

o how things have changed!

today i should be given a medal for getting out of bed. i am now on the crapper. need to eat breakfast, take shower, start laundry, do a little grooming, prepare relaxer, go to store, come home, hoepfully do powerwalk, then go to BED for three horrendous days coming up, with an email of final doom in there, and having to see her n199er loving whore face for 2 days lol. [I make no apologies for calling her a n199er loving whore hahahaha. I am DISGUSTED by mudsharkery. yeah her mudsharkery could have been worse, and I dont even have proof she BANGED the guy. maybe she nonsecsually dated him for like 5 months and he was like sheeeeeeeeeeit dis white bitch don wanna gibs me dat ass, den i goan get sum dat ass from mah hoodratz bitches son. also he was a charming, light skinned, probably pretty white acting black. NO EXCUSE THOUGH.]

or maybe our center closes today and we all get laid off today. i would not mind. [kind of job where you look forward to being laid off cuz you just cant go on without knowing there is a light at the end of the tunnel. hooray get at least 8 weeks off and get to collect unemployment. free at last, etc.]

ok bathroom, shower, laundry, breakfast, now its 108 pm, time for a nap hahahaha. no i was going to do relaxer now. waiting for email of doom, knowing her she prob wont even write it and i will be waiting for naught. btiches will disappoint you on EVERY front, no stone unturned of disappointment. i might just have to grab her by brute force. she would probably like the masculine gesture. [HYPERBOLE ]

uh oh maybe she didnt mean she was gonna write the email, but it was a big company announcement. the more i think abotu it, the more this is very probable, because we may get an email today saying were all fired. [she might have mentioned AN email in our chat, when she was talking about a Big Work Email, not a Big Personal Email she was gonna send me!]

but in this case i kinda embarrassed myself with the emotional confession from me yesterday! [Can’t remember what was said. I think it was a work chat where I apologized like a pvssy for making her snap at me, BUT that I also missed her and I felt like I was losing her and I really couldnt go forever with no hanging out. so, KINDA asserting myself. but not assertively enough hahaha. and there was an idea that there might be some kind of email, and I thought oh goody she’s finally gonna open up to me and communicate. NOPE!]

so i texted her and joked about it and she sort of conceded some emotionality herself. but i dont think she was meaning to write me an email with a clear sign, nope not at all. damn. she is still oblivious as fook.

foooook. so, right back where we were, no progress made, no new information gleaned, no motion. kinda frustrating, if she does not hang out with me soon i am done. what a b. i dont have time for b’s, i got 99 problems and a b aint 1.

[yeah that was disappointing. another chance for communication, shot down in flames.]

april 4
insanely angry at ff. shouldnt have texted her tonight but it was the minimum of words possible. prob wont get a response. prob her and her whore mother banged a bunch of n199ers when they were at this thing. and now shes going out getting banged by the guy from work, when she has blown me off and rejeted me many times over the past 6 months literally. blow me off and blow this guy. whats almost as bad as that is the implicatin that i am totally inferior to him. she doesn’t want to hang out with me, she eagerly wants to hang out with him and get F00KED like a dirty whore by him, and i can even GET her to hang out wiht me EVER. f00k. i mean she is just being RIDICULOUS. she says we are “good friends” but she is full of shit. i am furious at her and have pretty much officially swtiched over from love to hate. oh great. this is the real fun part! well, i was well on my way earlier. it was obviously getting to this point. it sucks. hate and jealousy along wtih the bitterness and disappointment, hahaha. increases the risk of me angrily snapping at her, which will make her the winner. i still have one thing to hope for, and that’s being the WINNER. not being the bad guy. having the MORAL HIGH GROUND and HER being the one at FAULT. it’s way more her fault than mine. 90 10.

[yep not a good day there hahaha. lots of anger. I never got this angry after it was over!]

usual hard stupid greuling mind destroying day of work, and one of my male moral supporters was sick, and i avoided calls, but i still did ok, withstood pretty well, and the best part was that SHE was not there today. that was the best part. without her there it’s….not tolerable but quite a bit better. i prefer not seeing her if she is going to be a huge cvnt to me, screwing me over, leaving me in the lurch, hanging, she has pretty much abandoned me in the sense that SHE has given up on me and i am not happy about it.  [abandoned eh? hhehehe. yes indeed. ya dont say. also there were 2 days i worked but she was off those days. at first I thought it sucked not being able to see my Ray Of Sunshine, the Best Part Of My Day….but as things got worse, I looked forward to the days where I wouldn’t have to see her. it was chiller that way. makes me think I probably could have survived the job if she werent there.]

i cannot get her to hang out with me on satruday ngiht, and she is out hanging out with other more exciting more charismatic alpha males when she said she was a shy and not a party person.  getting fucked by alpha males, spreading easily like easy sleazy whore, as she gives these men pleasures i have only dreamed of. damn. god damn dirty whore. [very angry hahaha. not sure if I was referring to a specific saturday night, or any one of the saturday nights that she avoided hanging out with me, had become a disappointing pattern, haha]

went for 30 minute walk to day and had a relaxer and it was sweet. i have the new perfect method, make the relaxer in my cigarette injector. and then take out HALF the filter and stuff the other half back in. and then it looks just like smoking a cig, which decreases the nervousness a LOT. GREAT idea.  [DEGEN!!!!]

i am SO angry at her, almost violently. yep. it si kinda scary how hateful i am getting towards her. like she can f00king d13, the f00king worthless whore. piece of shit. r43p the shit out of her. f00king whore, piece of worthless shit, white trash, whore, f00king tons of guys except me, saying we are friends when she wont even hang out with me, hangs out with other guys and eagerly spreads her cvnt for them and they get some of that so easily which i want so badly, not just to pound that pvssy, but her love and attention and desire and to really be wanted by her, to be liked and lusted after by her. f000000000k. [wow i was emotional back then too hahaha. no i never did anything violent OR creepy to her.]

that relaxer was great. little less amount than the longer ones, but still just enough.

well when she talks to me i have to lie and say i had a ton of fun this weekend AND ESP that i hung out with my FRIENDS and had fun SOCIALISING with them. with my FRIENDS, who you are not, and you were NOT invited to this one [party with male friend?], u popular bitch getting c0x. jealous that she would give that which i want so bad so easily to other people, [no proof, and probably not even happeneing, hahaha] and i cant even get a LITTLE, which ive wanted so bad for TOO LONG. heh. yes six months is WAY too long. THIS ENDS NOW. [heh I said it even then. but didnt DO it. should have DONE it.]

yeah the job gets in the way but i would make time for her, like right now. and she talks and laughs and has fun with other people at the job, yet she f00king forbids me from ever visiting her. last time i visited her she flipped out and got all angry and scary and told me to leave now. i left and since then i havent come back. yet we still CHAT as if nothing weird is happening.  [she was controlling the Rules of Engagement AND avoiding the tension]

maybe she is pushing me to get angry just as i am pushing her to get angry because she wants ME to look like the bad guy, exactly like i want HER to look like the bad guy.

PERFECT way to do that is her be a whore and get f00ked by other guys, then i flip out.

therefore, she WILL f00k other guys, make sure i know about it, probably that guy from job…..and then i MUST not get angry. and then she looks like a cheap whore, and i look like a cool dude, who is too GOOD for such a trifling whore. which is exactly the reputation i want.

but doing that wont be easy. but surviving til layoff is a good first step. but that was especially when i wanted to hang out with her!!!!!

so when she says shes “dating” bla bla i can say, hmm, kinda sucks you refused to give me a chance baby, then she says huh what, then i say, yeah i was obviously asking you to hang out for the past 6 months but you always shot me down. i mean i can r43p you right now, but yeah you really screwed me baby, and i am not happy about it. in fact, this is the last time you’ll see me. f00k you whore, have a shitty life. f00k off and die like your stupid whore friend. you suck, you piece of shit. [i thought it would end with her being a whore, rather than her Abandoning me. I thought she was actually hang out with me and talk to me at some point!]

i wrote like 10 text drafts like that last night hahahaha. it might have been 4/3/15 that i crossed the ultimate rubicon of hate.

[duly noted, good to have a timeline hahaha. also, writing draft texts that you never send is a HALLMARK SIGN that this needs to END NOW. BLURT IT OUT NOW.]

so tired. gotta go to stupid easter mass. will probably do relaxer before it, maybe one in the afternoon too. [ god damn. this is iron clad proof the relaxers are degenerate.]

during the 4 days of the week i see her, i want to try taking 1 valium in two halves, one in morning, one at mid day.

be cool with her. tell her how much fun i had with my friends. just straight up LIE to her to try to bang her. she doesn’t DESERVE the truth. i will just lie lie lie lie lie to try to bang her like the flthy whore she is. and then continue lying to her until i have banged her 200 times or so and am totally sick of her, and use her as a practice girl for MUCH higher quality girls like the other gurl at job. who is prettier and less white trash and hopefully less of a slut, well at least less of a n1993r loving slut.

and i don’t hate black guys, but i do strongly dislike n1993 f00king white bitches. especilly when my so called friend turns out to be one.

heh. well i prob hate her more than she hates me. she is just annoyed at me and wants to make me angry. i f00king hate her whore guts and wouldn’t mind seeing her life destroyed. i am not gonna do antyhing violent or criminal to her or anyone though. no violence or criminal stuff. but maybe shaming pictures of her being a whore, posted all around her neighborhood, facebook, and especially at the job. well, i would def not get hired back if i did that haha, and that prob is criminal. [NO CRIMINAL STUFF! I never did any of this of course. and yeah I kinda wish i COULD be that hateful and angry towards her again, it’s better than being sad and devastated.]

so lie, say i had so much fun, i went to see bla bla movie, bla bla concert, went to this fun thing, oh it was great, it was fun, me and my friend had such a good time, oh which friend, oh my friend make up name, could not say the girl from the job, because she might ask that girl. have to come up with a fake name. how about that young cute gurl who is going to MEDICAL SKOOL who i met at the young man’s party. she was cute, young, not a whore, and was going to medical sckool immed after undergrad, 22 or 23 years old at the oldest.  YEP just say her.oh how do you know her. oh just a friend of a friend, weve been hanging out more, SHE’S REAL COOL, real awesome new person i’ve been spending time with. [this is passive agressive girly games. dont do this.]

total lies, but i can morally justify it. in too much pain and anger and hate.

yeah THAT is on me, i am getting TOO mad and OVERreacting, but i am certianly entitled to a littl ebit of righteous indignation, even christ would agree!!! and certianly i HAVE gone overboard there. but f00k it. as long as i dont do antyhing stupid.

10 37 holy shit i just got a text back from her, was not expecting that. at around 930 i texted her saying how was bla bla. and now text at 1037. and i am out hanging out with my friends right now. can’t text her back for at LEAST 10 minutes. TEXT GAME BEGINS. i am honestly a little tired to go out, was about to lay down and go to sleep, but we will see. well lets at least record what she said here: [i was out hanging out with friends right now? that really doesnt make any sense. maybe I was just about to leave to go out. i dunno. i dont see myself writing in this while I was hanging out with friends, im just not that rude!!!! not sure what I meant here. OOOOOHHHHHHHH I meant I was playing TEXT GAME and I was PRETENDING I was hanging out with friends, so I look like I’m not sitting around waiting for her to text back like I actually was. look like I have a life. Which i dont, hahaha. how pathetic!]

yes it was so nice meeting him im still trying to process it all still. hope your day at work wasnt too rough and have a good holiday 🙂

[ I knew she was meeting this person earlier in the day who…….i cant say too much but I did NOT suspect her of wanting to fook him. he is a middle-aged family man with a wife and children. I think she viewed him as kind of a father figure. well I liked being her father figure too! anyway even if she DID want to fook him, I think he would be decent enough not to fook her.]

wow sounds like something i would write. does not strongly imply she is getting f00ked by bla bla right now, but does not not strongly imply it either! in fact she is putting on whore makeup right now and whorepants and going over to get 00ked right NOW and being happy about it, and throwing me a crumb on her way out the door to be f00ked, and it DOES strongly imply that she does not want to hang out with ME tonight!!! [i was convinced she was going out slutting it up with hot young guys, including the Cool Sexy Level 3 guy from work hahaha]

f00king two faced lying phony fake bitch, i will like to her just like she is a f00king phony nice to me. but i am not phony nice to her! i am honestly a nice guy ™

ahahahahahaha yes i AM a CLASSIC TEXTBOOK niceguy(tm) thining hes entitled to luv just because once friends with grill

well i’m in bed ant too tired to go out, btich should have texted me promptly if she wanted that. or how about at any point during the day saying “yeah ok i am finalyl ready to hang out now, come over at 8 o clock and bangme already”

nope hahahaha. bitch. n1993r loving stupid degenerate disgusting whore.

april 5 easter, 931 am, pooping on toilet

well she did text me back again, and implied she wasn’t out getting f00ked like a n1993rr loving wh0re, and then i felt better about her. but not alot. [its because she did stuff like this that i hadnt lost all hope with her. and its not that she was stringing me along. its because she honestly was a decent person sometimes.]

tell her “it’s easier to get approval to escalate a case than to get approval to hang out with you!” just kidding. but not really lol. [why not just tell her that? I should have. maybe I included it in a work chat she just glossed over. See I could write her stuff but she would MISS it.]

tell her i miss her but i also kinds feel that shes left me hangin and im not sure what she really feels but i am confused and prob she is confused too, well i am confused by her confusing behavior. not confused over the fact i want bang her and go out with her and make her monog gfran.

take shower next, go out to longass easter mass but have a nice relaxer beforehand.

try to write some stuff that i can say, bs talking points to say in the worlds worst situations, to explain the worst disappointmnets. those are the only flashcards i really need.

wrote her a SHORT DRAFT email of real stuff that i should say. i could actualyl send this. but it does need to be as short as possible. [yes i should have actually sent something ASAP.]

APRIL 7

go to new file son

END MARCH 2015 . TXT

END POST hahahahahaha

WHEN YOU TRY TO MAKE SECS CASUAL, NATURE PUNISHES YOU BY CRUSHING YOUR SOUL / YOU CAN FIX ME, I WOULD ACTUALLY BE HAPPY TO BE FIXED

mar 18

shit. i wish there was some kind of test or game or training exercise where you could train your mind in stressful pressure situations, and build CONFIDENCE in them, by doing practice or simulations on the type of problems, and the type of situations, we did in my former job.

ive never been very confident and i struggled a lot there, but i overcame the struggles, and did quite well over 1 year. i should never forget this. but  after being out of the environment for a while, i can’t believe i ever did it.  My confidence is back down to the minimum again.

or young people who are scared to take hard math classes, they think it will be too hard. fact is, even dumb morons can do well in hard maths if they put in enough effort and practice. you gotta do the practice and studying.

i am fine with that! shit give me the shit to study right now! i just didn’t like being put in the “exam” situation right away, and that was the WHOLE damn job. even if you have an open book exam, you can still get answers wrong, because the questions are TRICKY as fook! and the book is unclear as fook. or, even better, the questions are “unfairly” asking about things that are NOT in the book. because there is not a pressing Business Need to have a Complete or Up to Date Book, because that would involve paying somebody to create Training Materials and not constantly be solving real problems/cases. some phaggot sitting at a desk listening to vivaldi, writing articles and making powerpoints, rather than constant answering the phone with new problems.

oh that would be the sum of earthly bliss hahahaha.

and many people just aren’t good at pressure situations, or complex shit. they choke or they just get it wrong, or they perform worse. its why not everyone is cut out for a Military Career. some people handle stress and pressure better. i am not one of them hahaahhaha. i get flustered as fook. actually when you take the pressure out of the situations, i could think a lot more clearly and the problems became easier. like if i were looking at the problems of the day while at home, a comfortable environment, no phones ringing, no people chattering, no rows of tiny cubicles, just listening to my chill out music like vivaldi and bach and chopin and catholic chanting and orthodox chanting and sometimes beethoven hahahaha. and i DIDNT have the person on hold waiting for me to figure out their problem, while my mind racing and i panicked WHAT DO I DO? WHAT DO I TELL THEM? I HAVE NO IDEA WHATS GOING ON! IM GETTING FLUSTERED!!! AND LEVEL 2 IS USELESS TO HELP ME!

http://www.inc.com/jeff-haden/how-to-be-graceful-under-pressure.html

poise. police, military, and emt’s TRAIN ENDLESSLY to respond to emergency situations. GOOD. THEY SHOULD! I’m glad their management TRAINS them a LOT! the more training for ANYONE, the better job they will do! and there were many times when I would get flustered or I would be off the clock helping new people who were getting flustered and I would get frustrated and say “PLEASE, TRAIN US. JUST TRAIN US MORE. how about a one hour training meeting a week. just give us more training.” give us some training exercises like military and police to help us develop Poise under Pressure. but that costs a LOT of MONEY.

do local police get any federal or state money? how much? or is it all local money from the city or county?

http://www.inc.com/business-insider/13-secrets-to-performing-well-under-pressure.html

handling pressure is a skill, anyone can learn it

http://www.amazon.com/Performing-Under-Pressure-Science-Matters/dp/0804136726?tag=bisafetynet-20

http://www.amazon.com/Success-Under-Stress-Confident-Productive/dp/0814432123/ref=pd_sim_14_2?ie=UTF8&refRID=0VMEMFP6BTRHS3MGXDNN

http://archive.is/9FFLh

forbes dot com article with the same shit

another forbes, part two of above:

http://archive.is/AlFbk

http://goodlifezen.com/struggle-perform-pressure/

http://mentalfloss.com/article/72706/11-secrets-performing-well-under-pressure

don’t overthink things. i would overthink very much. but this is tricky when THINKING is the only way you solve problems, problems REQUIRE A LOT OF THOUGHT to solve them! you dont want to UNDERTHINK them!!!!

the key is to not FREEZE and to not make serious mistakes. just keep moving and eliminating certain solutions. chip away.

ht     tp://pastebin.com/z04bubh1

trs thread about doing higher maths. young man is nervous. he received great encouragement and advice from some successful pro-white engineers and analysts and people making good money in good careers. winners who can pull decent white women. not neet r9k losers hahaha.

you PAY To get TRAINED. how is this so hard for me to udnerstand. if you want TRAINING on how to do your JOB, you HAVE to PAY for it. you PAY for college, you PAY for Trade SChool, you PAY to get certifications, you PAY for education and training. if you job trains you at all, they SHOULD take money out of your paycheck.

if you want someone to TRAIN you, you SHOULD pay them with money or with lunch/dinner/drinks.

the sooner i get this through my thick skull the better. i never learned this in high school or college hahaha.

how to make a decision when you dont know what you need to know and you dont know how to locate the unknown unknowns, convert them to known unknowns, then finally convert those to known knowns, all quickly, when there are infinite possible unknown unknowns.  oh shit im getting freaked out already. so you start going down the wrong path, how do you know its the wrong path if the whole world is in darkness? like in a vidya game where you enter a new dungeon adn the whole map is BLACK and you can only build your map by going into every area.

they say thinking back to previous successes with women can give you confidence for approaching women, for going to your happy place when you need poise and confidence under pressure.

however don’t think of the most RECENT woman who broke your heart horribly. If I think back to when I was banging a qt young girl 11 years ago, enough time has passed that i can cut that image out of how she broke muh heart, and view the secs separately as something to give me confidence. unfortunately the most recent think I can think of like this, happened fookin 11 years ago.

http://www.shape.com/fitness/cardio/how-inaccurate-are-calorie-counters-gym

mar 19

that article convinced me that ellipticals are not that accurate and can be influenced by MOMENTUM, ie, you body is not really doing that work, but the machine is, inflating your calorie numbers. the article said the treadmill was gernally more accurate.

so i went back to the treadmill. first i struggled to reach 500 calories and was pouring sweat, only got to 460. next time i just cranked the incline way up, ranging from 8.5 to 14 (hehehe) and getting about 560 calories, but was not pouring sweat. it generally seemed easier. so, the question is now, is the TREADMILL accurate at HIGH inclines?

http://running.about.com/od/treadmillrunning/f/treadmillcaloriecounter.htm

http://www.sparkpeople.com/resource/fitness_articles.asp?id=1370

http://forum.bodybuilding.com/showthread.php?t=148823463

eh. its probably more accurate the the elliptical. rando on internet sez ellip are “NOTORIOUS” and to subtract 30% to get your REAL number.

lets see. some things say i need 1600 cals a day, others say 1900.

uhhh thats kind of a big difference. that is equivalent to you going apeshit for like 35 minutes. Or eating a goddamn SANDWICH hahaha.

i was upset to think that her leaving me left a much huger VOID in my life, than the VOID I left in HER life, in fact, there probably WAS NO void. I just hate when someone is so important to ME, but I am not important to THEM AT ALL.

but I dont even know this! I would like to though.

i know i was important at one time. i wanted to know if i still was important but she just was avoiding a difficult situation.

you just dont be friends with somebody for years and then they are not important to you.

hehehe it was not the ending this relship needed or deserved hahaha.

http://www.angelojohngage.com/?p=399

10 signs that its time to end your rel.

OF COURSHE i like AJG. he is pro-white as fook and a great pro-white man. and a masculine, confident, charismatic, charming alpha man, who can pull a white wife and have a white baby, and hopefully more of them. i’ve had my eye on AJG for a while and he has passed his probationary period hahaha. but he is also into Self Help and Self Improvement. improving your life. life coaching. tony robbins, NLP stuff hahahaha.

how to have a good healthy relationship. yeah AJG is great, role model type of guy. I would donate him money if I were an employable nonneet hahaha.

great guy and i give him my full support. even if he is italian hahaha and had a rap project before he was Woke hahaha and maybe was a degen womanizer hahaha. I am jelly of all the pvssy he scored hahaha. but what he is doing now is GODS WORK.

http://www.skillsyouneed.com/rhubarb/dealing-with-unexpected-at-work.html

hehehe all we HAD was unexpected shit.

http://www.skillsyouneed.com/ps/assertiveness3.html

dealing with nonassertive and passive aggressive people

http://www.skillsyouneed.com/ps/confidence.html

building confidence

hahaha found my new favorite website hahahaha

i GUESS confidence and self esteem are technically different but IMHO they really are pretty much the same thing, and i prefer to use the word confidence because the word self esteem is phaggy af. alphas have confidence, omegas have self esteem hahaha. little coward pvssy phaggots. low testosterone virgin mgtows hahaha, scared of big bad mean gurls, gay boys club.

If you feel you HAVE to take MJ because of your stressful job or life to relieve stress, don’t just smoke it and watch tv, take it and then IDEALLY go to the GYM and GOMAD!! INSANITY!!! or study your workshit, and also communicate with the people you need to communicate with, and try not to do it more than once every 3 days.

she wasn’t important in my life because i was in luv with her, she was important to me BEFORE that, THEN i fell in luv with her. there was a time when we were MUTUALLY important to each other. SHARED experience of importance. its when you care about a person, want the best for a person, have compassion and kindness, worry about them, care for them, care what happens to them. we had all that mutually before i fell in luv. and then she did not lift a finger to show she cared what happened to me. its ruff! just care about my feelings just a little bit! dont write me off as a psycho! well i dont even know if she thinks im a psycho. what did she tell the people we know mutually?

did she tell them i was a psycho? did she downplay everything? just say we had a falling out and now don’t talk any more? that he got feelings and i wasnt interested and that was the end? what about me going crazy and quitting job hahaha. what does she think about THAT?

don’t you CARE what HAPPENS to me???!?!! i cared what happened to you, and that isnt just because i luved you! its because we had a pre existing friendship! I ALREADY cared about you! couldnt you care about me just a little? maybe you still did. but couldnt you SHOW it??!?!?!?!

http://www.civilservice.louisiana.gov/files/divisions/Training/Manuals/Effective%20Problem%20Solving.pdf

heres a solution, train your damn employees better like you did in the past. dont cut training because you need people doing low quality work as soon as possible.

heh. i bet That Woman might have viewed her prev BF as a “PROJECT.” he was rough around the edges but a good person at heart, and she was gonna bring out the best in him.

well, he WAS rough around the edges, and he WAS a good person at heart, but ultimately she coudlnt fix him and he chose to leave.

I am in much more need of being FIXED! and, i would have responded well to her fixing! she could have ACTUALLY FIXED me, in other words!!!!!!! FIX ME! PLEASE!! I NEED FIXING TOO!!!!!!

but instead she did the worse thing you could do to a poor soul who needs fixing, ie, destroy and break him EVEN MORE!!!!!

you like fixing guys that need fixing! fix me! fix me! i actually have potential! i will luv you back! i will give you the luv you wanted from your x bf but couldnt get because he just wasnt that into you! be with me! im into you!

anyway. let the past be the past hahahah. no need to keep harping on this. but yeah this idea of women liking fixers. well, i think they like MASCULINE fixers, like real tough guy rebels with a heart of stone. they dont like wimpy emo soft fixers who just want a nice gf to cuddle with monogamously for years. oh but thats weird. NO, its NATURAL AF.

mar 20

weird dream. NO, not with HER. I was back in college town, 20 years old again, surrounded by other 20 year olds. i figure you will always flash back to this time in your life, as it was your “peak.” you were young and there were tons of potential mates for you. that you were too inept too pull hahaha.

anyway this dream was different because I was playing with BABIES. essentially watching other peoples babies. white babies of course. I dont really have multicultural DREAMS. do you? do you dream of many other races or is it mainly just your own?

anyway  i was watching over the babies and in some cases actually holding the babies. I figured this represented my own paternal patriarchal desire to Reproduce and Father Heirs. very NATURAL.

then i was sitting next to a young woman. NOT HER. if anything she looked like this woman I knew 10 years ago and never had any feelings for, but she was fairly qt.  she was sitting next to me, then i did something like put my arm AND leg around her and she snuggled right up with her backside pressing against muh D. that was very exciting. i am glad it wasnt THAT WOMAN in the dream because I wanted to cuddle with her every possible WAY but never did.

one minute i was holding babies and felt paternal and protectorish.

the next minute i was holding a qt young woman and felt paternal and protectorish BUT ALSO there was an added element of yeah i would give it to her GOOD.

thats not the SOLE element. its wrapped up in more savory, respectable elements. and should not be separated.

when you try to make sex casual, sex makes YOU a casual. nature punishes you for your Crime Against Nature, by making you an Unnatural Outcast who cannot pairbond with lovers the way nature intended. 

yep. cant say it any more plainly.

wow the goys at TRS are so smart and sensible. I really  am not high IQ enough with my 100 IQ to participate here:

QUOTE (“white knight” comes to defend women against an admitted woman-hater in a post pictures of beautiful white women thread)

broseph please examine our past and then model the future off of that. I can’t help but think you’ve been rekt by some people and you slammed the traditionalism pedal to the medal and passed our roots and went back to kebab stage shit.

We’re a rather egalitarian people already. Our men have the ability to control themselves and our women respond surprisingly well to an authoritative voice coming from a non-betafag. There’s no need to slam the social systems all the way back to “You are woman. I control you. Now do nothing without permission because child and dirty whore. And if you don’t do exactly as I say, I beat you.”

Just as a father trusts his child, you must trust your woman. Women are definitely ticking timebombs of hypergamy, but we are adapted to control our women by shame and guilt tripping. Not by forcing them to cover up kebab style and monitoring them constantly. The possibility of the shame should be enough for them to not act on the hypergamy. The virtue of us having high intelligence is that we understand consequences and if we simply place consequences in society that far outweigh the risk of hypergamy, then it’ll solve itself.

A child is not supposed to fear physical punishment from a parent. A child is supposed to fear a bruising of the ego. Spankings aren’t supposed to physically destroy a kid. They bruise the ego. “oh noes daddy is dissapointed and now I’m being knocked down a rung on the social scale” They feel this as a base emotion. We all do when our ego is bruised. Same with the “I’m not mad. I’m just dissapointed” thing. We have big egos, so that stuff works on us well. Personally, that’s what I think causes our excessive moral signalling. We try to raise our egos up a rung, therefore we do shit to seem superior to others.

All the shit that works on kids? Works on women. Except instead of spanking we use slut shaming and socially ostracizing them. Same shit different person. Just tailor your ego bruising to a different age group.

We’re not kebab. Please don’t larp as one. It’s rather dysgenic what they do.

END

i would say bang sluts if you get a chance. just never, ever ever ever ever ever get feelings for them or date them or commit to them. yes banging sluts is kinda degen, but its way less degen for men than it is for women, plus it makes men more confident in dealing with all women, and better chance of pulling a Nonslut.

Also banging a slut is WAY better than jerking off to porn. porn is jooish poison that destroys mens confidence and makes them foreveralone virgins. banging sluts INCREASES mens confidence.

porn horrible, sluts ok. porn never, sluts sometimes.

dating: sluts never, nonsluts maybe.

of course if you arent comfortable with banging sluts, you’ll never be able to pull a decent woman. so maybe you should just try to pull crazy sluts off ok cupid or tinder or whatever.

heres a question. say you found some cowlike single mother to be fully committed to you…..but you don’t really LOVE her the way you LOVED women in the past who broke your heart. You don’t really want to be committed to HER.

but you’ve never really HAD a woman’s commitment and love for you like this before, someone that would be WILLING to have your children. this might be your last, only, and best chance to have a child.

should you do it? should you create new life with this woman? and be bound to her for life?

cuz we can all agree that having a child and abandoning the child is BAD BAD BAD.

but should you have a child with a woman you don’t love, just for the sake of having a child already, because you’re 40 and havent had a child yet?

or should you wait until you’re 70 and gamble on the chance of finding a better woman?

good thought excercise hhshshahahaha.

I just posted the following long response to a guy on depression forums, “30 and hopelessly alone”, my favorite topic and i finally responded after like 6 months ahahahaha

http://www.depressionforums.org/forums/topic/112371-30-and-hopelessly-alone/?page=3

QUOTE

Hi user, thanks for the updates. Please keep us updated every so often as any notable feelings, thoughts, or events happen. My situation is similar to yours and I can relate to the loneliness and lack of confidence. I recently had a female friend which was the closest relationship I’d had with a woman in years. After a while, I developed strong feelings for her, and wanted to take the relationship to the next level. Unfortunately, she was very uncomfortable with my feelings, and not willing to communicate with me whatsoever, and stopped talking to me abruptly. I felt abandoned because of this harsh silent treatment. This wasn’t some random person from Tinder, this was an actual friend of several years, and it hurts when somebody like that walks out on you without a word. I was absolutely, completely devastated. I felt like she threw me away like a piece of garbage. I resigned from my job because we unfortunately worked together and saw each other every day and I could not handle it. For a while I struggled with blaming myself, “it’s all my fault, I pushed her into doing this,” but now I can see that she is responsible for her own immaturity and inconsiderateness and overreaction. It’s understandable that she wants to end the relationship, but there was no reason to end it in such a bad, hurtful way.

I am still trying to rebuild my life. I have similar problems with career. Getting a gainful, proper, “adult” job has been something I’ve majorly struggled with ever since finishing college 10 years ago (not useful degree!). And also relationships with women too, have not had an actual relationship in just as long, with the closest thing being a good friendship with a woman that ended as horribly as it possibly could (see above!) Of course I took notice of the “Game/Pick Up Artist”, then MRA, then MGTOW communities over the years, being as they are communities of men that talk about their experiences with women. Like you, I think MGTOW is misguided, and that avoiding and shunning women is no way to live, and is just a way of giving up. For me, the ideal is a long-term, monogamous relationship which eventually results in children – a traditional nuclear family. (I accept this may not be everyone’s ideal!)

Anyway I just wanted to encourage you to keep posting every so often because your situation really resonated with me and I have been following this thread since it began. It’s hard to “focus on yourself” when, in a way, you’ve already been doing that for years, and haven’t made great progress. It’s hard to be rejected over and over again when you express interest in women. I too dislike the “maybes” and “let me think about it, I’ll get back to you”. Because when I get my hopes up with women, I can’t read the obvious signals that she’s not interested, but she’s also too scared to say “NO.” For me, a blatant NO would be much, much better. Because I’m like the guy in “Dumb and Dumber” who says “So you’re saying there’s a chance!” when there’s really a less than .0000001% chance!!

Also I worry that going so long without female attention or love can change a man and make him “weird”, it’s definitely happened to me. I was glad just to be able to still make a good female friend…..but then that blew up in the worst possible way, crushing all my confidence.

Confidence is one of the most important things a man can have IMHO, is the main thing which attracts women to men, and is the precise thing which is attacked by depression and anxiety, which is why so many of us have problems with women! It’s a huge catch-22 that what can increase confidence so effectively, is the satisfaction of being valued by a woman. It’s like the old adage, can’t get a job without experience, can’t get experience without a job.

Not sure if you have taken any meds, but they have helped me a little. There are a number of SSRI’s that are available at big national pharmacies for a very reasonable price, no insurance needed. Same with popular anxiety benzos like Valium or Xanax. I realized I have huge anxiety which might be a root cause of my depression. I don’t want to take benzos regularly, because you can build a tolerance/habit, but I do like knowing that I have something to take in extreme situations.

It can be helpful just to have platonic female friends, so you know that all women don’t consider you some kind of weird untouchable creepy alien…..but this can backfire horrendously if you happen to get deeper feelings for such a friend, hahaha. Also it’s not super easy to make that kind of a friend in the first place. With me it happened very serendipitously, not something that happens often.

It’s good that you are not too anxious to try going to interest group meetups, or meeting women from online dating. However I fully believe those come with their own unique problem sets, as you have described!

One last thing on the exercise/gym idea. For my whole life I was always too anxious to go to the gym and work out. But following my recent devastating experience, I was able to make a positive change in this department. I am still too anxious to do heavy weightlifting, because that area is filled with much younger men lifting ridiculously heavy weights. But I have become comfortable using the cardio machines, and it has helped me to stay physically active as much as possible during this tough time. Now, I’ve heard that Heavy Lifting increases testosterone, which in turn increases confidence, and many people have anecdotes about heavy lifting being the golden panacea for all their problems. I have just started out lifting embarrassingly nonheavy dumbbells at home until one day I can hopefully not embarrass myself at the gym. But it’s great to just go there and use the treadmill and not be nervous about it. I could never do that until I was over 30 years old, hahaha.

It’s completely natural and good to desire female companionship. I have struggled with being “too needy” and thereby pushing women away, but I think it’s natural to be a LITTLE bit “NEEDY.” Such a ridiculous word. It’s natural for men and women to NEED each other to some extent. Of course it’s no good to be “codependent”, but it’s also hurtful to be completely alone, as you and I both well know! So I don’t like being accused of being “NEEDY” just for wanting something perfectly natural which so many normal people have.

And I know what you mean about the cuddling. It really is a big deal to have that kind of “loving touch”, and to not experience it for years and years. It’s a kind of warmth and comfort you just can’t get from other men, haha. I too have thought about the idea of a “cuddle buddy.” NOT talking about sex, because I believe sex is a very important, serious thing that should never be approached casually or recreationally, as it so often is in the current year. But I also wonder if one would start to get feelings for someone they cuddled with regularly. Regarding the oxytocin chemical, which promotes feelings of love and pair-bonding, when men and women spend time together.

Anyway keep us posted on everything, I can really relate to your experiences and emotions, and I know others here can as well.

END

not a terrible response if I do say so myself. now i dont want to get this guy wound up, cuz he is an even bigger sad sack and excuse maker than ME!!!!! and possibly autist.  he is another college grad in a below-entry-level job, and is very insecure that his low job status makes him unattractive to women, which it certainly does hahahaha i know that pain. us low level losers dont deserve a good woman. a white trash single mom mudshark at best hahahaha.

shit whats worse. a single mom or a mudshark? i really dislike them both!!!!!

yeehaw. applied for the damn 10 DAH 30 hour a week job I lied and said I already applied to but didnt. damn for a proud white man i act a lot like a lip smacking ni99er. AYO HOL UP.

Before i submitted the Copious Info App, I copypasted it to a text file. also, it only needed employer address and phone number for the most recent job. It asked for 15 years of job history but didn’t have enough spaces, AND it didn’t let you ADD entries. fooking failures. they dont deserve THEIR 15 DAHJ’s. maybe some shitty street shitter contractor hahahaha.

that feel when you see young trannies and trapbois, and you think wow i haven’t even been with a WOMAN that attractive, hahahaha. or, i might almost rather bang this THING than some fat ugly old woman hahaha.

well thats false, I have been with attractive young women that were better looking than LADYBOIZ……but that was 10 years ago. I certainly havent recently!

wtf am i really SAYING here?!?!?!?!

hehehe it would be great to get a 10 dahj, 30 hours a week, no benefits. this is what a man should be doing at age 30+ who wants to one day get a wife and have children, but hasnt even found a wife yet, and hasn’t even established a career yet hahahaha. you need to be at the second or third level of your career by now. at my prev job there were guys way younger than me on Level 3. these are the type of guys who will Outcompete me for Marriageable women, like That Bitch. Damn Son. I wonder how easily she gives it up to successful young guys like that. and here i am wondering if I should go with a single mom, a mudshark, a fat oldie, or a LADYBOI TRAP TRANNY. GOD DAMN hahahahaha.

RELATIONSHIP BILL OF RIGHTS AND RESPONSIBILTIES

feb 1

wow. i really gotta get out this rut. this is no way to live. this is not healthy! i would not recommend this. time to get a new shitty job, go crazy, and quit in a Huff, mving myself even further down the career ladder. i dont move up the ladder with time, i move down it hahahaha.

i grew up having a very negative opinion of women. in short, they were mostly bitchy, dumb, slutty, disgusting, stupid, mean, obnoxious, annoying, awful, scheming, hypocritical, immoral, sneaky, lying, cheating, evil. you couldnt possibly like or respect these pigs. they literally had no redeeming qualities except for the secs they sluttily gave away to every man except YOU hahaha.

probably because most of my friends had bad experiences with women and werent big fans of them either! and that rubbed off on me.

also women seemed intimidating because i didnt know how to talk to them, how to deal with them, and i didnt like how they all had secs with guys so QUICKLY. that seemed like a big deal to me, and i thought shit if youre the one who can get pregnant here, you prob wouldnt have a problem with waiting amirite?

i had muh first crush on a girl in 7th and 8th grade when i was 13/14. that was a bad choice because she was a mudshark slut. yes you could be a mudshark slut at age 14. how disgraceful! but she was a Bad Gurl who liked very Bad Bois. the badder the better. i have no idea why i liked her. prob because she was real purty. i felt that it was disappointing that she was such a bad gurl. i kinda wanted to save her and turn her into a nice gurl hahaha.

then i went into my women hating phase until like age 20/21, when is the second time i develop actual feelings for a woman. and they were very very very strong, and disrupted muh whole life. i didnt know how to deal with them!

in the interim i made out with 1 gurl when i was about 15 and i had VERY mixed feelings about it. i kinda felt pressured into it, that she wanted to do it more than i did, but i just went along to Gain The Experience, but i wasnt particularly HAPPY about it. i was kinda ANGRY about it for a couple years! also she lived like 50 miles away. maybe if she lived nearby i could get to know her as a person.

by age 20/21 i was completely off the track and should have took a hiatus from college at age 20, started intensive shit with a shrink and meds, gone teetotal from alcohol and MJ, stayed at home, got a shitty job, and finished up college at close to home U, pref in STEM hahahahahaha.  but nooooooooooooo i soldiered thru my useless degree and continued all my bad horrible habits.

i became sort of friendly with some women at age 20, but it was not until age 21 that i made my first decent actual official female friend. that was a positive move. also at that age i first pseudodated a gurl. and we rushed through all the beginning stages of a “rel” in a very short time, leaving me confused and sad and angry and disappointed and crazy hahahaha.

i made some more female friends at age 22.

anyway not sure what my point was. probably that its pointless and a bad idea to hate women unless you actually have some female friends.

even as women were dumping me and disappointing me and i should have really Hated All Women, i didnt really, having female friends was really useful in keeping me from hating all women.

you see, i didnt really LIKE hating all women! i didnt WANT to hate all women! it was GOOD for me to have female friends.

now, there was a little bit of drama…..but that was because i had fallen in LUV with a friend of my female friend. so i completely lost muh mind. the regular DRINKING did not help at this point. i should have just stopped drinking and been like ayyyyy baby wan sum hang out lmao and gotten rejected that way, instead of drunkenly pining for her.

MY POINT is, its not fun or good or healthy to Hate Women, and its a lot easier to not hate women when you actually have some Woman Friends. in fact, this will go farther in curing your womanhate, than actually dating or getting feelings for a gurl . cuz that shit always ends badly. with my female friends, well the ones i didnt fall in luv with, it never ended BADLY. we just drifted away as friends often do. but no hard feelings.

and it sucks to think of somebody you were in luv with, you wanted to be with forever, now they are giving dat secs up really easily and quickly to other guys, and that makes you sad, angry, and disgusted. because its none of your business. but i say you are still entitled to your opinion that she should not be a disgusting whore!!!!! and entitled to be hurt when she is. even if shes done with you. becuase you are not quite done with her. you are still in luv with her, still want her. who knows when that is gonna be over.

2% milk has 120 calories per cup, whole milk 150.

yeah i have reading reddit relships all day to convince myself that i did nothing wrong and that she is out of line.

well i admit i was cowardly and weak. but that it wasnt THAT bad. i mean its hard to have a hard discussion. give me a damn break. i wasnt trying to AVOID it. i was trying to confront it, in my weak way. i was hinting an signally heavily, and trying to hang out. she was tyring to avoid everything.

i dunno i dont like to be treated so disrespectfully. its very disrespectful to be Thrown Away Like Garbage!!!! can you understand that?!?!?!?!?!

its not so bad if its a random stranger. then you can just say fookin asshole and never see them again. but when they were once your friend, a good friend, and they do this……its LIKE a betrayal hahahahahah.

plus her throwing me away like garbage is WAY more disrespectful than me getting feelings for her.

i didnt think she had such little respect for me! so that was shocking! shit she used to have a lot of respect for me.

i have never lost this much respect for a person! i dont even know how to relate to that! well except when women dump me and go be huge sluts hahaha.

https://bu.reddit.com/r/relationships/comments/43mn60/my_19_m_girlfriend_20_f_of_almost_2_years_broke/

hmm i almost wrote a response to this guy but he deleted his story and i cant find a cache/archive of it hahahaha.

nothing TOO exciting, i just sorta related to him. young man and his gf dumped him. not in the worst way, but not in the best way either. i wanted to use it as an example of, yeah this isnt the worst dumping, but women should aim to dump a lot better than this.

how are they so stupid and UnEmpathic that they dont know or dont care that they will be causing a person Great Pain?

how are relships such ugly, disappointing, tragic, heartbreaking, insane, Wrong, Clusterfooks??!?!?!?!?!?! cant people get along better than this? just use a LITTLE common sense. i would treat a person way better than this.

therefore, it is WOMEN who are at fault for all the Sorrow and Badness in Bad Relships hahahahaha.

https://bu.reddit.com/r/relationship_advice/comments/43mukg/my_19_m_girlfriend_20_f_of_almost_2_years_broke/

http://archive.is/uq1hT

FOUND IT! he crossposted it in relship advice as well. and i archived it for all eternity hahahaha

what i would say to him: yeah she COULD HAVE shown you even LESS respect by cheating on you….but she SHOULD have shown you a HELL of a lot MORE respect tho, by taking into account your feelings about being dumped, and being nice but decisive in dumping you.

IMHO, when you agree to a rel with them, you OWE IT TO THEM, its part of your RESPONSIBILITIES to them, to dump them gently and kindly and compassionate, if it reaches the point where you want to dump them and they want to stay/work on the rel….and you want to get out.  its like an early termination fee. the “fee” is simply BE NICE. BE KIND. BE GENTLE.

i would NEVER treat somebody like this unless i HATED them. i would never HATE them unless they made a concerted effort to push my buttons. i wouldnt hate somebody for getting feelings for me. i know you just cant turn feelings on an off at will, for any random person.

i hated one guy because he trolled me on our views of the world and became the most annoying faggot you wanted to punch in the face repeatedly.

i think thats how i made her feel hahahaha.

to her i became a really annoying faggot she wanted to punch in the face repeatedly.

damn.

punchable faces hahahaha.

that might be the best word for how she felt about me. the reaction i got out of her.

but i really feel if she took 5 minutes to think about it like an adult, she would see how ridiculous that is. why couldnt she give me that courtesy after the years together? are all women this childish and stupid and obtuse and unkind?

its totally immature, like something a 14 year old would do.

and in some ways i am very very emotionally mature, like a 14 year old: i get feelings too fast and too strong, i get feelings if i have secs or make out with or even cuddle with a gurl, and get way too attached to them too fast.

but i think this is a more positive way to be emotionally immature, than in the bad way, were you are paranoid and throwing tantrums and hate people for shitty reasons, and cant even attempt empathy, and are all hot and cold with no in between.

i mean she has empathy too, ive seen her use empathy, shes empathzed with ME before! just in this SITUATION to have her get so bipolar, was weird as hell, and caught me COMPLETELY off guard.

some woman on TRS forum said to be attractive to women, you have to TAKE REJECTION WELL. I thought this was stupid because a. nobody takes rejection super well b. if a woman rejects you and sees that you arent really upset….then what? is she gonna revoke her rejection? probably not. and if she did, that would be stupid and shameful and not the type of woman you want to be with.

so in other words, when That Woman rejected me, she probably hated and disrespected me EVEN MORE when she saw how upset and devastated and hurt I was.

i dunno this makes women seem like SADISTS, just shoveling hate and misery and suffering on men.

it did not seem worth it to autistically argue this one point with the forum woman hahahaha

well i took THE PREVIOUS REJECTION PRETTY WELL!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I TAKE REJECTION AS WELL AS CAN BE EXPECTED, WHEN THE WOMAN MAKES AN EFFORT TO BE NICE ABOUT IT!!!!

why WOULD you reject someone in the meanest way possible?  because you HATE them?

why wouldnt you TRY to be nice or sympathetic when you are rejecting someone?

why would she not even take 5 minutes to THINK ABOUT THIS and how what i did was not some evil horrible thing???????

what the hell did her friends and family say when she talked about it with her? surely they cant all be as fooked up as her! unless she lied to them and said “UGH hes been creeping and stalking on me for months. he KNOWS im not interested but he still doesnt TAKE NO FOR AN ANSWER!” and then they say “well dump that creeper to the curb gurlfran, you dont owe him an apology lmao”

cuz she seemed pretty reasonable and thoughtful, and her family did too, such that if she were making a horrendous Lapse In Judgment, they would steer her the right way. and i believe this was a Horrendous Lapse In Judgment on her part.

yeah yeah yeah a tale as old as time, but im not used to it happening to me, from a person i really didnt expect it from.  it shattered my confidence and made me think, hmmm maybe i really DID do something awful to warrant this. i dont realize it but i still stabbed her right in the back and she is just showing righteous anger now. i am reaping what i sowed, even though i didnt realize i sowed it.

so yeah its a long process trying to convince myself that i am not reaping what i sowed, that this was a YUGE lapse in judgment on her part.

but what DID she say to her family and friends? that i was just being a CREEPER WEIRDO and not taking NO for an answer? how much would they have pushed back on that? I”LL NEVER KNOW. Like they could ask her, well did you TALK to him about this? did you tell him you dont want to hang out, or do you keep telling him later, later, later? do you think maybe he likes you? dont HATE him for THAT. hes not a bad guy!! try not to break his heart when you dump him, he’s not trying to hurt you. hey maybe even give him a try, he would treat you really well, you could do a lot worse, you already know each other and get along. you knew this guy for almost 3 years and used to be good friends. dont just throw him away like a piece of garbage, he’ll be devastated, and thats just bad karma, not a cool thing to do to anybody. think about it. if he had any choice in this, why would he pick a time when its bad timing? did he write you any emails? oh a couple long super long emails? did you read them or just delete them? this isnt some random weirdo. remember not too long ago you were telling me what a good person he was. so treat him like that.

ok fatclub. hopefully TRUMPENFUHRER wins iowa caucus. is there one winner for each party?

whos worse, bernie or hillary? probably hillary hahahahahahahaha. bernie admits he is a j00ish socialist hahahaha.

AND if she told me WHY she couldnt just talk to me….oh because i BETRAYED her. i would STILL want to talk about THAT.

well i dont agree i betrayed you.

well i think you did.

and you think I will be able to convince her i didnt betray her? I, as the accused betrayer?  I would need a damn independent tribunal. 3rd parties. which i why i wanted her to talk to her friends and family. shit i should have Reached Out to her friends and family at the time. i thought about contacting her mother. i met the mother a few times and she seemed to like me, and i guess the woman used to tell her mother all sorts of good things about me. if i were personally closer with the mother, i probably would have contacted her!!!!

but i just wonder what The Woman told her mother, and what the mother said. I will NEVER KNOW.

its really hard to say!

maybe there was no talk at all. or it was like, yeah, were not getting along so well right now, we are drifting apart, not as close anymore, oh well that happens, thats life.

i just hate thinking this will happen again: that i will accidentally do something HORRIBLY WRONG an drive the woman of muh dreams away from me;

and also worried i will never feel that way about a woman again. i am getting OLD, and i dont like older women, and i dont like casual sex women on the websites.

heh. i thought I WONDER IF SHE IS ON TINDER then i saw you couldnt browse tinder without a smart phone.

i actually went to tinder with the intent of looking for HER. confirming that she is putting herself out there for casual sex.

anyway i hate making mistakes, HUGE mistakes, without even being aware that i am.

and if this is the LAST woman….damn.

i wish she hadnt made me feel like i royally screwed up.

but no one can make you feel someway without your permission.

but…..when they treat you like you did something horribly wrong….they are kinda making you feel you did something horribly wrong. and in at least 50%, they would probably be RIGHT!

essentially i am being falsely accused hahahaha. i dont know how this feels. it is so confusing and disorienting.

cuz sometimes….its RIGHT for you to feel bad, its not a matter of you “giving permission to let someone else make you feel bad.” its because you really did something bad to them, they are upset at you, they should be, and you feel bad.

and you SHOULD listen to the people who you care about and who you thought cared abotu you. because their perceptions of you matter.

so when someone who mattered to me a lot thought i was a awful piece of shit…….i was hurt, and i felt horrible for hurting them.

heh. they should have KNOWN that i would take this hard. they should have thought hmmm he will prob be hurt by this, probably should tread lightly. not be EXTRA HARSH.

well really extra harsh would be her TELLING ME all sorts of shitty things like “i hate you, you did this to yourself, you made me do this, youre horrible person,etc” while dumping me. really she was just too afraid of confrontation.

she might ahve WANTED to be nicer to me, she was just too SCARED to.

I WILL NEVER KNOW.

and because i was obsessed about handling the rejection like a man….i did not contact her 90000000000000000 times afterwards. i contacted her like 4 times. i begged a little bit but not too much. i didnt bombard her with so much shit, to FORCE her to say “stop harrassing me, i am blocking you, if you stalk me im getting a restraining order” etc. she just blocked me on FB and she may have blocked me on phone and email, no way to confirm that.

just watching iowa caucus instead of going to fatclub. i came in under muh calorie goal anyway so thats good. on muh BEEF DIET hahahaha. best shit ever.

but yeah so disappointing. she could have just sent a message and said this will be the last message, im blocking you after this, but SORRY SORRY SORRY, i didnt mean to hurt you. and that would have saved a decent amount of pain.

ITS REALLY NOT THAT HARD. it seems like it would be HARDER to do what shes actually doing. i mean the guilt would eat me alive.

but she is good at avoiding confrontation. yeah i keep forgetting she does have a red flag that she is able to just throw away her responsibilities and run away in shameful ways. its sad cuz she can do better. but stupid when you are on the receiving end of that.

i say she has nothign but yellow flags but this one might be a red. not going to go into detail here hahaha.

0202

gotta when you get up in the morning say: i definitely did not deserve this. i did not do something horribly wrong. they have made an EGREGIOUS error in judgment. they got me wrong, and they did me wrong. it was a horrible misunderstanding that will NEVER be resolved.

just dont like poeple being WRONG about me.

also i dont know if she felt betrayed by me, or she just wanted to GET RID of me. maybe she does feel bad. she is not a horrible person, but when she is forced to make a difficult choice, she has a tendency to break down and NOT do the right thing. a good person who makes horrible, regrettable choices. it really is kinda tragic but i cant save her from herself. unless she lets me. which she wont. hahahaha. ok have fun either having mud bastards, or becoming a crazy old catlady. and if you have a kid you will prob not be good mother hahahaha.

she has the potential to be a good mother, but also the potential to be a bad mother. its hard to tell. she might decide its too HARD to be a good mother and then just neglect her children and emotionally abandon them. is that the kind of woman i want to be married to, having my children? FOOK NO!!!!!

its similar to a woman having an ABORTION. its a convenient, expedient, super effective, but very morally ambiguous (and i would say, very immoral!!) “Solution” to a “problem”.  and probably the woman doesnt feel HAPPY about it, might even feel long term guilt or conflict about it, and they arent angry or hateful or feel BETRAYED by the baby theyre killing.

but yeah if you can just GET RID OF a PERSON, its kinda like KILLING them! except here, you’re still alive!

its weird being metaphorically KILLED by somebody important to you! it sends the message that your LIFE isnt very important to them. at least not more important than their feelings of discomfort.

she has the capacity to do the right thing and be a good person…..but when it comes time to make some real important decisions…..she CHOKES and does NOT rise to the occasion.

i mean i am the same way. i know how to be a good person but its so HARD, and i have made bad decisions just because i was too WEAK to do the right thing.

i dunno you could still send a messenger to say to me, she doesnt mean to metaphorically KILL you. she feels real bad about this and wants the best for you. even THAT would be a step up.

RELATIONSHIP BILL OF RIGHTS AND RESPONSIBILITIES

  1.  I have the right to be not thrown away like a piece of garbage when you decide to get out of this rel.
  2. You have the responsibility to not throw me like a piece of garbage when you decide to get out of this rel.

hahahahahahahah ayyyyyyy lmao.

i mean just show a little Respect for the Dignity of Human Life.

Dont Throw PEOPLE away like GARBAGE.

dont date / have secs with more than one person at a time.

this is all very r-selected behavior. we HAVE to be better than that. I want to be better than that, and my topkek m8 also wants to be better than that. choose k-selection. dont be like CRAB PEOPLE. crabs in a bucket. rat race. no. each of those squirming rats are special and have dignity. treat them as such.

also if youve known someone for 3 years, then its even WORSE if you throw them away like garbage.

this is very different than a mutual drift away, where BOTH people dont want to put too much effort into the rel.

but appreciate that this person you knew for 3 years has feelings and their feelings will be DEVASTATED if you do this to them. and then make an effort not to do that to them.

so next time some catlady dyke bitch gives you shit about ENTITLEMENT, show her the Relationships Bill Of Rights And Responsibilities, and say, and say something like, is it ENTITLEMENT to have a REASONABLE EXPECTATION that the person will not treat you like a piece of garbage?

is it ENTITLEMENT to think you deserve not to be Abused?

is it ENTITLEMENT to think you deserve to be Communicated With?

really the feminist antimale cat lady is just the Jury Of Women in my Head. the internal self critic. saying you dont deserve this and youre not entitled to this, but you DO deserve to be thrown away like garbage, because you were a horrible person to her.

went to shrink today, shrink agrees that i am not a horrible person, but shoeld have discussed that a bit more hahahaha.

how is it SO HARD for me to CONVINCE myself that i did not deserve this?

well because that woman and her opinion of me was important to me!

but yeah. she REALLY could have done a LOT better. how disappointing.

so….what do CHEATERS deserve? what do ABUSERS deserve?

this is the kind of shit i obsess over. even though i never cheated and i damn sure never abused.

well abuse is probably worse than cheating.

and abandonment/ghosting/throwing you away like a piece of garbage is…..better than cheating? worse than cheating? its probably better than ABUSE. idunno. its seems really neck and neck with cheating! at least cheaters usually pretend to show remorse and beg im sorrrrrrrry baby ill never do it again! and then they do it again.

what about abortion? where does that go on the bad things scale. worse than abuse? worse than cheating?

well i would THINK its worse than abuse, its damn killing a baby!!!!!! hahahahaah

now the jury of women says: but thats oversimplifying, and as a man, i have no place to talk. its just a nonsentient clump of cells at this point AND its a very humane compassionate choice, to spare the future child a life of hardship.

if you talk about “AGENCY” that is a DOGWHISTLE that you a shitlord racist hahahaha. because that means you are Punching Down on Oppressed Groups by Blaming the Victim, and by IMplying that Oppressed Groups had Agency in preventing or doing something about their Oppression.

Because Agency is defined according to the people in power (cis white men hahahaha) , Cis White Men Oppress Oppressed groups by taking AWAY their agency! so to say they still HAVE agency is denying that white men are oppressing them!

redacted

gr8 thread. beta autist 19 yo young man on my racistforum has a date with a Chubby Guatemalan and the talk gets REALLY real.

 

WHEN SOMEONE BEGS YOU FOR BETTER CLOSURE, TRY TO GIVE THEM BETTER CLOSURE / EMOTIONALLY ILLITERATE / JELQ MUH DIQ

0128

emotional porn, inspiration porn, prolefeed. real feelgood stuff in MSM to hit proles right in the feels and adult women can gush about about post on FB feeds. overcoming the odds, OR just giving a trophy to everyone, AND becoming more degenerate by the day, ie “feelgood” stories about 10 year old transgendered kids and their mom gives them sex change hormones.

anyway i had a medium epiphany:

if the criteria of whether i betrayed her or not is only if SHE FEELS betrayed, her feelings are valid, they might be wrong or confused or misunderstood, but they are still valid.

well then MY feelings are JUST AS valid, and i am MORE THAN ENTITLED to say I FEEL SUPER HURT by being thrown away like a piece of meat! inhuman and inhumane! nobody likes to be dehumanized, depoersonalized like this.

but as a believer in objective truth and morality, i also want a less subjective standard for measuring/ identifying betrayal than just her confused illogical mind saying i feeeeeeeeeeeel betrayed therefore its betrayal.

i want an INDEPENDENT TRIBUNAL to investigage impartially and provide a verdict and say she was more wrong than i was!!!!! that it wasnt really betrayal!!!!

basically, if shes ENTITLED to think i betrayed her, i’m ENTITLED to think she hurt me! cuz what she did hurt the fook out of me!

you dont get to decide youre DONE with someone, and then avoid the responsibilities of Getting Rid of them. Dump a person, break their heart, AND just essential DELETE them without ACKNOWLEDGING that you are causing a human being huge pain, a person who cares about you greatly, and whom you once cared about.  its just fooked up.

this ammon bundy is handsome as fook! hope that goy has a good looking faithful wife and 8 children.

i mean shit. yeah i can see how a woman would feel betrayed. it taps into bullshit about the friendzone and niceguys….but it also DOESNT. niceguys pretend like they have no interest. they dont say what theyre thinking. BUT a problem i long had with the media narrative about niceguys is……in the micro situation of these women HANGING OUT with these Niceguys Secretly in Luv with them, arent the niceguys GIVING OFF HINTS??? doesnt the woman have ANY CLUE that these Just Friend Guys LIKE them? something never rang true to me about the way “niceguys” were portrayed.

and this applied to me as well: i was feeling great tension and expressing that tension through increasingly heavy handed hints. i wasnt pretending i had no feelings.

AND SHE NOTICED! however i dont know if she interpreted them correctly, ie, maybe she thought “whys he being so weird,” rather than “o noes, he has FEELINGS for me, thats why hes acting so weird.”

so i was communicating something, and she was noticing it. therefore, i was not HIDING it. therefore, it was not betrayal hahaha.

but i dont even KNOW that she CONSIDERS it a betrayal, or shes JUST UGH. ENOUGH ALREADY. UGH. dont feel betrayed, i just idk. ugh idk. just want him gone.

ITS ALL ABOUT YOU. YOURE THE ONLY ONE IN THIS REL. ITS NOT LIKE THERES TWO PEOPLE HERE.

ONLY YOUR FEELINGS MATTER. THE OTHER PERSON AND THEIR FEELINGS DONT MATTER AT ALL. thats why their heart can be broken and they can be thrown away like garbage. they dont exist, they dont matter hehehehe.

you almost NEED to ignore it and shut it out because you can ruminate and overanalyze this forever but you will never get anywhere. there are too many unknown unknowns hahahahaha. or they might be known unknowns. because we know that we dont know them. namely what did she actually think about all this. i shared my feelings with her, but she did not share her feelings with me. other than blocking me and thrown me away. this gives a pretty good indication of the feelings, but theres still unknowns: did she do this because she felt betrayed, or just because she was angry or annoyed? does it even MATTER? NO! I just HATE the idea that I BETRAYED somebody.

I DONT BETRAY PEOPLE. I AM TRUSTWORTHY ALWAYS. This is very important to me.

you can hate me and be angry at me, just dont call me a traitor or betrayer or liar or someone you cannot trust.  that is very triggering and rustling to me.

i mean ive done some shitty things im not proud of……but i do those things much much more to MYSELF than i do to OTHER PEOPLE. whereas it seems that normies are more likely to do shitty things to other people, and not to themselves.

0129

had dream where i was going back to muh job after months. i was in a bus with several of my favorite people from the job, and they were very nice and supportive, and we were all heading out there fr another horrible shift hahaha. there was complaining and grumbling about how horrible things were. how some people just “couldnt take it anymore” and just walked out, disappeared, stopped coming to WORK. there was a person on the bus talking about how she tried to speak with the main manager about something important, and was bitched out about interrupting the manager who had very important valuable work and couldnt waste time. you wanted to talk the manager, you set up an APPOINTMENT!!!!!! and then after being shooed away, they eavesdropped on the manager who was having a very lively and spirited and happy and hilarious conversation with somebody in a “gypsy language”, presumably romani/roma. but obviously not SRS BUSINESS.

and then i thought, oh shit, THAT WOMAN is gonna be there too. and i dont want to see her AT ALL. I am just gonna have to quit again! why did i agree to come back! and felt very nervous and dreadful. how was i gonna survive this life? this horrible job! AND ON TOP OF IT, having to see that woman every day, hating me and ignoring me, and i would probably confront her and she would be a huge bitch and portray me as the bad guy! why was i coming back here? oh god i hope this is just a horrible DREAM!

and IT WAS! so that dream kinda made me feel better about my controversial decision hahahaha.

how can she shit on ME and then still be mad at ME and make other people think IM the bad guy! she should be ASHAMED of what she did, yet she’s DOUBLING DOWN on her bitchiness and anger and hate towards me, when she’s ALREADY broken my heart, then she rationalizes it to herself that i DESERVED it!

what a MINDFOOK!!!!

and the job is already stoopid as fook, AND i have to deal with this woman on top of it? no thank you!

and i wish i could switch to pure hate so easily like she has. but ultimately i will always be in luv with her and always want her, so its like breaking my heart every day.

so the dream was actually good in that it reminded me that i made the right choice in doing what i did haha.

i betrayed her??!?!?!!?! SHE BETRAYED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!! well i know it might not be a technical betrayal, but it was MUCH CLOSER to the realm of betrayal than what i did to her!!!!!

women wait until you get very close to them, fall in luv with them, then they totally CRUSH you. tear your heart out, stab it 900000000000000000000 times, after you have invested in them, gone all in with them…..and then you lose EVERYTHING and emerge as a totally broken ruined soul. they couldnt just dump you when you had invested just a LITTLE in them. they wait until you are madly in true lifelong luv with them, before they pull the rug out from underneath you. do they like ruining mens lives for NO REASON?????

hahahahaha.

no, if anything, no i have more respect for the other women who dumped me in a more appropriate kind manner. even if it wasnt perfect, they MADE AN EFFORT and recognized that i would be hurt, and they cared enough about that to TRY to do the right thing.

and less respect for HER, because she did NONE of this. made no effort.

make an effort. write 1 damn email.

thats what mindfooks me so much, is ultimately, how could she do this to ME? i knew she didnt LUV me, but i thought she CARED ABOUT ME AS A PERSON more than to do this to me. you just dont treat a person this way ever. unless they did something really really bad to you, and even THEN, its STILL better for you to take the high road than to descend into the muck with the person who did you wrong. DONT STOOP TO THEIR LEVEL. BE THE BETTER PERSON.

i thought there was more GOODWILL built up. even if i was on the OUTS with somebody, i wouldnt throw them away. i would appreciate them as a mostly decent person that i had good times with. i NEVER had big falling outs with people. usually we just Fade Away or Drift Away and are both on somewhat good terms at the end. but never huge falling outs, unless a woman is dumping me. and most times, heck ALL times till NOW, the woman made SOME kind of EFFORT to dump in a good way, to indicate that it wasnt my FAULT, that i did not do something horribly WRONG. basically its not you its me (meaning them, and dont blame yourself.)

SHE did the exact opposite, essentially saying YOU SHOULD BLAME YOURSELF. THIS IS YOUR FAULT. and i could not handle that. especially when im honestly not sure that it IS my fault. but on a bad day i can sure beleive that it was! and need to convince myself that it wasnt!

http://www.prevention.com/fitness/fitness-tips/how-increase-your-calories-burned-walking

i always see people doing a damn incline on the treadmill and it looks ridiculous, but the calories they burn are also enviable. the best is a weird 35 year old virgin looking man who does a full hour at like 5.5 mph and at least 10% incline (article recommends no more than 7.) this results in him burning at least 1000 calories in an hour, when i have to work hard to just do 500 an hour!!!!

well hes a weird virgin but hes not fat i tell ya!

so i wanted to look up some info about inclines. does it REALLY burn that MUCH MORE calories? initial evidence suggests yes, it actually works. maybe. hahahahhaa.

anyway. i just couldnt imagine how a person could do that to another. i cant wrap my mind around it.

even if a bitch cheated on me i would forgive her immediately, just please dont leave me. oh you can still see him, just tell me if you fook any other guys too, just dont dump me. i will let you do whatever you want as long as you please dont dump me.

this has always been my MO, because i HATE being dumped!!!! and that was when i was getting dumped NICELY! now i will hate getting dumped even MORE!

and yeah i would not be as surprised if this were someone i didnt know. some random bitch. but i actually KNEW her. i was once her friend. just because my feelings change for you doesnt mean you get to treat me like garbage. if i had a friend whose feelings changed for me, i wouldnt hate them, id still care for them, and id feel bad abotu not being able to reciprocate, and i would make a BIG effort to let them down as GENTLY as possible….not make NO effort and let them down as HARSHLY as possible! see how its such a big shocking mindfook!!!!!

and part of me wants to TELL her this, just for satisfaction, just for standing up for myself. when somebody shits on you hardcore, you stand up for yourself and say NO! NOT OK!!! and make sure they KNOW that what theyre doing is HORRIBLE! righteous indignation!!!!!

and i kinda did this in extremely nice, not angry, not blaming language, like yeah i see where youre coming from but i also think i did not deserve to be treated this way, i really dont think i betrayed you, lets just talk about this please.

rather than: you CANNOT do this, this is HORRIBLE, you SHOULD feel ashamed, you did a HORRIBLE thing and i want you to fully know it! SHAME ON YOU!!!!!

i never wanted to end a rel with such prejudice before. like i say, 99% of my rels that end, do so on a mutual drifting away with no real hard feelings. ive never just wanted to just GET RID of somebody. the women who dumped me, i always wanted to reconcile. my college roomate i had a big feud with, well i wanted to get rid of him. but even there the feeling was MUTUAL!  he wasnt BEGGING ME TO RECONCILE!!!! he hated me, i hated him!

when someone begs you for better closure, try to give them better closure.

KNOWING of course that all closure ultimately comes from within…….but the other person can CERTAINLY ease that along. being that they are in the rel with you, and they are dumping you. they can start you off with some good closure if they are willing. and why wouldnt they be willing?

i assumed from the years of goodwill, that she would be willing to lift a finger to give me at least a LITTLE good closure.

maybe in the future i will end up feeling hate and contempt for her, recognizing what a cowardly shitty thing she did to me. but to get to that point i have to stop wanting to reconcile with her!!!!!!

so THIS is the person i wanted to have a long term rel with? what if i was? what i married her and had chirren with her? how would that turn out! HARRIBLE!!!!

whats better, a woman who has been with 15+ guys, or a woman who has been with 2 guys but had 1 abortion?

whats better, a woman who has been with 10+ white guys, or a woman who has been with 2 guys, but one of them was nonwhite?

these sound like retarded philosophy thought experiments, but these are real world questions you have to ask when evaluating the long term wife potential of women!!!!!! its INSANE!!!!!

well, you figure activities like abortions and mudsharking are CORRELATED with being a slut. in other words, if a woman has been with a LOT of guys, chances are, she’s had SEVERAL abortions, and been with SEVERAL nonwhites.

you dont expect abortions and mudsharking out of a woman with a LOW number, in other words. but sometimes it happens!!!!

i dont like abortions, i dont like mudsharking, and i dont like SLUTS. but you cant have all three.

I’m not even sure if you can have TWO.

so, if you are dead set against a mudshark, then you have to accept that she’s been with a LOT of white guys and has had several abortions.

if you’re dead set against abortions, thats your dealbreaker, then she’s probably a slut, probably been with several black guys, and if she doesnt do abortions, then she probably has some bastard kids! and prob not white ones!

hehehe this is why men give up on women and go mgtow.

oh yeah i dont like when they have kids.

but you figure if they are enough pro abortion, they will just abort those kids.

so whats better, a woman who aborts their kids and thus has no kids, or a woman with bastard kids.

THESE are the questions you must deal with regarding the REAL PEOPLE who you are really interviewing for the role of your actual WIFE!!!!!

you get put in between such a rock and a hard place, and you say, well this is a total shit sandwich, cant i find a woman who fits BOTH criteria? has no abortions and ALSO has no kids? why is that TOO MUCH TO ASK in the current year? have the merchants destroyed ALL our women?

despair. making concessions. settling for less hahahaha. coming to believe your requirements are too much, your standards are too high. LOWER YOUR STANDARDS.

LOWER YOUR STANDARDS for your lifelong wife and the mother of your children.

see how shitty that is?

spend the rest of your life with and have kids with a piece of shit. mix your dna with them, and your kids will be half a piece of shit.

i wanted to communicate with her so i was pushing her to hang out.

if she wanted to commnicate with me, she would have been pushing me to hang out. 

and being that i also wanted to communicate, there would have been no pushing! we would have just communicated in a timely manner.

rather than me pushing to communicate, and her AVOIDING communicating. if she wanted to communicate, i wouldnt have NEEDED TO PUSH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

new browser brave from shamed mozilla founder brendan eich, who was forced out of firefox because he was against gay marriage. now he has founded brave.com with a bunch of j00s and SJW feminist techies hahahaha. but maybe they actually know their stuff. god knows i dont have the expertise to say if they do or not!!! i hate tech because its too confusing and there seems no pathway to figure it all out!! so when “cute” little 24 azn girls

https://archive.is/crRqx

https://brave.com/#team

start talking about code, im like, ya lost me at jquery. i dont even know how to javascript. yet a 24 year old azn girl who dropped out of high school, got a physics degree from MIT, then started a phd in CS at stanford, then dropped out, is now 24 or 25 years old, and gives talks at tech conferences all the time, and has Thirsty Leftist Tech Guys who make 100k+ a year lusting after her, is a senior developer on this browser hahahaha i do get frustrated. i took a bunch of tech classes to try to learn this stuff but it still doesnt make sense. its not that im an idiot, its more like i wasnt OBSESSED and Passionate the way these people are, coding 24 hours a day. after a while i had to say fook this shit i hate it, get it away from me.

so you gotta LUV it to be a damn programmer?

i was ultimately convinced i didnt have “what it takes” to be a CS major and get a CS/programming job. that you have to Love Programming and Tech in every fiber of your being; eat sleep and breathe this shit, and i certainly didnt. i just saw it as a means to an end, just wanted to be qualified for the lowest possible entry level tech job.

which as it turns out, is Tech Support, and you dont need ANY CS experience for that, and you just answer phones all day, and are confused and frustrated and nervous all day because you have no confidence that you know what youre doing, and are trying to bullshit to people all day. and then you quit because you just cant handle it any more and you fell in luv with your female friend at the job who just totally threw you under the bus!!!!!!

anyway, brave focuses on eliminating the Ad Bullshit and on being FAST. and also is concerned with privacy and not harvesting your information like j00gle chrome. seems promising so i downloaded the “developers build” and was able to open it and yes it does go pretty fast. it really does seem to go faster than chrome.

thats really what i care about. is it bloated? is it fast? does it have weird backdoors and shit and spy on me? are my main concerns.

and i jealous of young people that get to turn their AUTISM into a SUCCESSFUL CAREER cuz they can get THAT GOOD at understanding code because theyre damn AUTISTICALLY OBSESSED about coding.

this is why you should introduce kids to coding in FIRST GRADE and HOPE it sticks. then they get obsessed with it and teach themselves to code.

so yeah coding is a valuable skill for people to have, BUT…….not if you can just do stupid hello world shit like me. coding is only valuable if you can code at the level of a good CS graduate. now you dont actually have to have the degree, but you DO need to outperform good CS graduates.  can you do that? it takes a LOT of TISM to be able to do that.

i have some tism but not for that. my tism is basically for talking about Feelings and Women hahahaha.

these arent even philosophical, intellectual, masculine discussions. its totally feminine.  but i still cant talk TO WOMEN about it.

because not only are women Emotionally ILLITERATE, they speak an entirely different emotional LANGUAGE than men. i was very literate and articulate in my emotional language, but i couldnt communicate SHIT to her or actually her to me.

i talk about feelings all the time, too much, WAY too much, yet i couldnt communicate with her. i could just use stupid SIGNALS. and she could just use stupid SIGNALS. her signals were worse than mine! she didnt signal she was just gonna up and walk out and throw me away! i didnt see THAT coming!!!!!!

how do you drop out of high school and get into MIT?

how do you get a degree in PHYSICS but then go for a phd in CS?

i mean physics IS super respectable, its just super different than CS! why not get a BS in CS?

how do you get into a CS Phd at STANFORD, a decent skool? i mean its prob not as good as caltech or mit for CS, but its still good enough to get you a good 200k+ job.

you gotta work hard, make sacrifices, and be a little bit crazy / autistic / obsessed. and never get sidetracked from that goal by emotions or despair or life or setbacks or failures or rejections.

yet so many phd’s are batshit crazy, taking boatloads of psych meds. all of them are on ssri’s, and half of em are bipolar.

yet they still produce good work? well im talking about the tech ones. i mean CODE itself cant be fooking marxist to its core, thats one thing i like about code, compared to writing books and papers and articles that are marxist and antiwhite in their very fiber of being. code is not like that.

but that doesnt stop good coders from being sick marxist antiwhite SJW’s wanting ladybosses and more women in tech and teach girls to code etc.

what does it matter if you teach girls to write hello world code, if you have to be a DAMN GOOD CODER to get a damn tech job??????? it doesnt add up to me. you have to make the children AUTISTIC about coding so they build good coding skills and dont give it up.

i started, but i gave up, because it was super frustrating and i couldnt see it going anywhere!!!!!

i was kinda proud of the super complicated shit i did in C++, but i didnt feel ANY closer to what Real Coders did for Work!!!!! i still didnt understand the shit that 25 year old asian gurl MIT grads wrote about on their hacking/security blogs.

now im sure that gurl does do decent work. good for her. but i wonder if she would have gotten so far at such a young age, if she wasnt a hip qt little asian gurl who dresses like a cyberpunk slut when she gives tech talks, and Thirst Betas drooling over her asian ass hahahahaha. and i am SURE she has been with a LOT of guys, and i am SURE she is HORRIBLE to be in a rel with. because shes an autistic, successful, independent, stronk woman who has lots of wealthy guys showering her with attention all over the world.

just to clarify, yes im sure she does good work and probably deserves a good job in tech. i could never code that well because i dont have the code thirst hahahaha. i only took like 7 tech classes in college hahaha.  i dont know what node.js is. i dont know how to use a sniffer or why you would even use a sniffer or scraper. i know how to type tracert into a command prompt but i dont know what its telling me.

there were at least 3 young men at my shitty confusing tech support job who had full blown BS in CS degrees. not from MIT of courshe!!!!!!!!!!! and probably they were a lot like me: they saw this as a good meal ticket, a useful skill you could get a good job with…..but they were NOT AUTISTIC about it, they were just average coders, followers not leaders, they probably didnt understand node.js either, they just did the work and got their degree but did not have a github page filled with impressive personal projects. therefore they could not outcompete top american coders, and not get an entry level coding job, and therefore had to settle for a damn tech support job, with people without degrees, people with humanities degrees, people without A+ certification, etc. in other words if i got a CS degree i wouldnt get any further ahead than where i was. and getting a CS degree is hard as hell. “even” for these guys. it takes 4 hard years of full time hard CS courses! even being an average or below average CS grad is not a small achievement in my book!

its good to want to be the best……but you also have to make that want a reality, by ACTUALLY OUTPERFORMING everybody else and BEING the best. otherwise you just get stuck in a shitty job that literally drives you crazy and gives you a nervous breakdown and makes you Mentally Disabled 4 Lyfe! and now youre a damn HANDICAPPED person who needs DISABILITY payments because you CANT WORK, and you CANT LYFE. fook that shit.

while some gurl who is nowhere near as smart as you, and doesnt even know how to hello world, just goes with the flow and keeps makin the monay. im kinda jealous of HER!!!!!!

how could she NOT know i was hurting? in my email she never read and maybe doesnt even know i sent, i told her i was hurting. but the biggest signal was that i quit muh job because of her.

i never had someone quit their job because of me!!!!!

i like to think i would reach out to them and say WHOA HEY COME ON, you dont have to go THAT far, come on, DONT DO THAT, lets smooth things over and come up with an arrangment where you dont have to do that, we can still work together!

nope, no effort at that from her. and yes i DID want something like that from her! i wanted some sort of communication! and some sort of KINDNESS. why couldnt she show me even a SHRED of sympathy or kindness???!?!?!?! i didnt stab her in the back or the heart! we were friends for almost 3 years!

if you use a cigaret making machine, try to buy the same brand filter tubes as the brand of your machine. like premier or top. actually the gambler tubes worked allright for me even though i have a premier machine.

I ACTED IN GOOD FAITH with her at all times. even if i was scared to tell her an important thing. i always acted in good faith. i dont see how she could POSSIBLY act in good faith when she……….throws me away like a piece of garbage. there is no way you can do that in good faith.

GOOGLE thrown away like a piece of garbage

https://www.google.com/webhp?sourceid=chrome-instant&ion=1&espv=2&ie=UTF-8#q=thrown%20away%20like%20a%20piece%20of%20garbage

hahahahaha

http://www.relationshiptalk.net/discarded-like-trash-7522931.html

https://archive.is/trylw    archive of ^^^^ this one

http://www.examiner.com/article/have-you-ever-been-thrown-away-like-garbage

uhhh she did not present those warning signs, did not seem overly selfish or narciss. but heres a good point:

QUOTE

Another generality is deep-seeded selfishness. Now before you rebel at this, let’s look at some of the ways that selfishness gets disguised. People who throw others away will use such justifications as…I didn’t love him/her anymore. or There were just too many problems. It was overwhelming. or The relationship got stale. We just weren’t growing. Underneath all of these justifications is a theme of Me Me Me. I don’t want to be with someone I no longer love. I don’t want to do the hard work that could repair this relationship. I don’t want to be bored. The basic underlying characteristic of a relationship is that it consists of two people…not one. People who are that deeply selfish, need to stay out of relationships. But we know this isn’t going to happen, because they won’t be honest with themselves and attempt to change. They will continue to leave destruction and pain in their paths.

END

http://www.mdjunction.com/forums/bipolar-spouses-discussions/general-support/2426364-thrown-away-like-trash

https://bu.reddit.com/r/relationships/comments/1lhmin/me25m_with_my_gf_25f_of_8yrs_been_7_months_but/

broke up with him for no reason, he feels thrown away like a you know what, searched term on r/relships hahahaha

this ones pretty good too. he had her FB password and would log in and spy on her after the breakup to see that she fooked a new guy within 2 weeks and loved him, and said he was so much better than her xbf (the OP!) who was sitting there secretly reading these chats. thank god i never did that!!!!!!

he went through a horrible breakup, found a better woman, but they had to break up due to “circumstance”, probably somebody moving for a Career hahahaha. he is 24 and some kind of grad with a Career and even though he had 2 breakups that were worse than mine, and was devastated, he managed to start his career at a young age. maybe this was because he was not a drinker hahahahah or maybe he was an autisticcally talented coder from a good skool hahahaha and companies where competing to give him jobs hahaha.

basically the point is the man is always wrong, the woman is always right. if the man asks for advice, women tell him, oh heres all the things you did wrong that you didnt realize, now go beg for forgiveness. actually begging is bad, just g and be more perfect and hope she doesnt dump you, you dont deserve her hahahaha. she can do whatever she wants to you and you have to TAKE IT cuz its ALL ABOUT HER, ME ME ME ME ME, and if you dont like it, you can get out, you cant HANDLE such an AWESOME woman, youre no MAN enough to DESERVE her, if you cant HANDLE her at her worst, you dont DESERVE her at her best, or even when she’s being merely not shitty,

you woman hating needle dicked f4ggot rapey entitled niceguy creeper weirdo weak cowardly bitter hateful immature insecure clingy needy thirsty mamas boy!

like if you tell the gf she is acting like a child because she is throwing a stupid tantrum….YOURE the bad guy for talking to her like shes a CHILD. even though she is totally acting like a retarded bratty CHILD.

see

https://bu.reddit.com/r/relationships/comments/1cg3nc/my_22m_gf_20f_is_throwing_a_tantrum_that_includes/

anyway. if i ever wanted to GET RID of somebody, i MIGHT avoid them, but if they came at me begging for closure, begging for me to talk to them, and be nicer, i like to think i would be mature enough to say, wow, they are really hurting, i dont want to be responsible for that, im gonna at least try to SHOW THEM that im trying to let them down gently. that im making an effort, that i DONT want to HURT them.

hehhehehe and i am wasting SO MUCH precious time and money mourning over some woman who doesnt deserve it! shes making 15 DAH while i am making 0 DAH! more than 15 times what im making!!!!!!!  when i should not even be thinking about her ever, and making 16DAH while im doing it!!!!!!!!!!

so basically if someone does something, and you think, wow, i NEVER thought they could do something liek THAT to ME!!!!! then whats to say other people also wont hurt you in shocking, surprising, unknown unknown ways??? ways that you can never fathom or predict or understand or even prepare for or defend against?

they will find chinks in your armor you didnt even know were there, and slip the fookin sword in!!!!

bitches can

JELQ MUH DIQ

hahahahaha.

i couldnt remember what that word meant. i should not have looked it up hahahaha.

it just boggles my mind how much some stupid woman can hurt you, namely because you luv them TOO MUCH; and its mind boggling how DEGENERATE people can be. like her going off and jelqing dix of guys she just met. its just SO degen to be a slut doing promiscuous casual sex, it disgusts me SO much and makes me SO angry that women ruin themselves in such a disgraceful way. how can you make wives and mothers out of these pigs? i mean they would have to go through an INTENSIVE repentance and rehabilitation project.

so shes fooking guys, making videos, they are seeing and doing things i could only DREAM of, i never got to make out with her or cuddling with her, yet here they are fooking her up the ass and they dont even know each other or trust each other. something just seems so wrong about that. to indulge every sexual desire as quickly as possible. before getting to know each other.

how long does it take to really get to KNOW somebody?

at least a YEAR.

so wait at least a YEAR before having secs with a guy. bitches.

oh but he was so charming and secsy. i had no responsibility in the matter.

so youre saying you didnt consent? fook that shit. just make the CHOICE to CLOSE YOUR LEGS, WHORE.

say it with me: CLOSE YOUR LEGS, WHORE.

hahahahaha.

how HARD is it to KEEP YOUR LEGS CLOSED, WHORE.

very very very very very very hard, apparently.

HARDER THAN A GAMMA MALE TO GET SECS FROM A WOMAN.

yes. the woman you wanted to commit to and spend your life with and have children with, dumps you without a word, and goes and does PORNO DEGEN shit with random sleazy strangers, shit that makes schlomo rub his hands and say GOOD GOY, yes, discover yourself secsually, its so liberating, and theres nothing wrong with it!

so then women tell you, well you dont own her, she can make her own decisions, and if shes consenting to the promiscuous, pornographic secs, its all good.

well its true its her body and she can do whatever she wants. that doesnt make pornographic secs good or right or moral.

and all the worse when you were prepared to make real sacrifices for this woman, build a future with her. then she throws you away without a word.  now i have no PROOF she is out doing degenerate porno secs, but it wouldnt really surprise me. NOTHING would surprise me after the big surprise she gave me. if shes capable of THAT, shes capable of ANYTHING. abuse. abortion. torture. cheating. mvrder. degeneracy. promiscuous. porno. open rels. slippery slope. where does the degeneracy end??/?????!?!?!?! who knows??!?!?!?!

but i KNOW she USED to be a decent person. she wasnt hiding this secret alter ego from me all along. theres not even a secret alter ego i can blame it on. its just one big bad decision. in fact shes probably NOT having degen secs with randos, rather shes continuing being a Nice Gurl with her family, like she always was.

i just wish she had some REMORSE for this. and hadnt made such a BIG mistake. or at least showed REMORSE for it.

http://iqtest.dk/

i did this in like 20 out of 40 minutes and got a damn 115 IQ. that does not make me feel good about myself. i always thought i was more like 125 at least hahahahahaha. 115. i am a fooking idiot. i r not smart enough to become a stem master hahahaha.

i am the dumbest person on the trs forums hahaha

i could probably get a little higher if i got a few more questions right. its all pattern recognition but some of those patterns are RIDICULOUS mufooka. i guessed outright at at least 3 out of 40.

 

MUDSH4RK IMPLIES SLUT

1230

heh. i only listen to new-to-me music if it has right wing or nondegenerate ties. obviously death metal flirts with just balls out nihilism as does black metal and many types of metal hahahaha.

but i have been hearing about “disma” repeatedly and yes they do sound good. and craig p on vocals and he has always been one of muh favorite death metal singers since the early incantation days. basically just deep as fook growling, nothing fancy, but just extremely deep and low bowels of hell type grunting. kinda like mortician but i could never get too into morticians music. jsut gimme a vocalist who is serious about getting as low as you can go. and pillard does that.

well imagine my surprise to see marxists and antiracist metal fans CLUTCHING THEIR PEARLS when they discovered he was a BIGOT NAZI SUPREEMIST. that just made me like him more!

and of course big tough antiracist death metal fans boycott the band because of this, call them dickheads and phaggots and douchebags and assholes and big mean meany bigots and get them kicked off of concerts. disma that is. and the music is pretty sick! also dat cover art hahahaha. really good. because reasons hahahaha. wow. just wow. current year. i cant even.

now there was a rumor he was into drugs a long time ago, and i dont like tattoos, but….i appreciate a good race realist hahaha plus he hasnt denied those rumors because theres no way he can, he has said some pretty good stuff on the record and i think even has an album with hitler on the cover hahahahha uncle al.

so good for him. i just hope he doesnt lead a degenerate lifestlye. but his voice sounds great 20 years after his work with incantation.

yeah i just hate the bipolar roller coaster nature of the rel. it was really good, then it got really bad.

i knew shit was not good, but i still didnt see this coming. i thought she just needed to COOL OFF and then would eventually respond to me.

because WHO DOES THIS. how can you EXPECT this out of anybody.

so that business about not a 180, it was like a 10, she was inching towards this…..

i dunno. she was inching towards being DONE with the rel, fine, but that doesnt mean she HAD to end it like THIS.

so in other words, she could have just said, listen we are done, sorry but i cant do this, we had a good rel in the past but i cant continue. sorry, have a good life.

whatever you say when you want to end a rel but the other person doesnt, you try to be nice so they are less devastated.

it doesnt help that i saw a woman who really looked like her at the fatness club yesterday. i just got done with my 9 miles and was about to LEAVE when i saw the woman.

and of course i was like, is that just someone who LOOKS like her, or is it ACTUALLY HER? my eyesight is not super good and they were not super close. i inched closer and basically stared at the woman until she became suspicious of me and then i had to stop staring.

similar body type, similar face, not dressed in whore gym clothes hahahaha i mean wearing modest decent good girl baggy cothes instead of whorish supertight clothes that look like they are painted on. wearing shirt of big summer concert i know she went to.

the only thing was the gym woman seemed to have shorter hair, and i had never known That Person to go to a gym ever.

well maybe she started, just like i started. and she cut off a lot of hair as a way to reinvent herself after knowing such a horrible person as me hahaha so she cut off 2 years worth of hair maybe hahaha. and started going to the gym to meet more hot guys to casually fook hahahaha. these are the type of thoughts i was thinking!!!!

i tried to get as close as possible and try to sneak glances at her from the corner of my eye so it didnt look like i was staring at her, but i was not super smooth and i think she caught on. so i look like a Huge Omega Virgin Creep hahahaha.

so theres arguments for and against why it might have been her. i mean she saw me, if it WAS her, wouldnt she do something? the real her would probably run away if she saw me hahahaha. or maybe she would have waved at me. or maybe just ignored me and kept using the machine like the person did hahahaha.

i mean there are closer gyms to her house. but maybe she moved!

but she never goes to the gym! but maybe she started, just like i did!

but this girl had much shorter hair! and i dont think she would ever cut her hair that short! cuz she was fixated on having nice long hair, and i certainly enjoyed that as well.

i should have just gone right up to the woman and said, sorry for staring, but i thought you were “a friend” of mine, you really look like them. now i can see that you are not that person sorry hahahahah by the way whats your name ayyyy baby u wan sum fukk ayyyy lmao

and then have casual secs with a gurl who really LOOKS LIKE her hahahaha. GR8.

that actually wouldnt be too bad. i mean so casual secs with an attractive gurl can only be a good thing. well, until you get feelings for her hahahaha. but that would be physically impossible atm.

so maybe she cut her hair, and started going to the gym hahaha.

hey if I can start going to the gym, so can ANYONE.

BUT i am guilty of thinking tons of women look like her. all women look like her. except the ones that BLATANTLY dont. i see a Certain Set Of Features and boom. long legs, pale untanned skin, dark long hair, 20s, and boom. its her.

lemmy dead. did i comment on this? i mean is it really a surprise? i didnt realize he was 70, i thought he was like 65 at the oldest hahaha. but yeah its a miracle he made it to 70 and you can find pictures of him in 2015 and he looked pathetic and skinny and at deaths door, kinda sad i mean. the masculine man withered away into a skeleton. well i think his music was HONEST and he was the real deal and an honest guy………but still a degenerate who was Too Into Hedonism.  i just have to point this out because so many hipsters are gonna be sad hahahaha. but lemmy was also a shitlord who had swastikas! i think this is great but i wonder why they ignore it. probably because lemmy made some humanist statement or said something like “all humanity including whites are shitty.” [citation needed hahaha]

but yeah like keith richards its amazing he lived as long as he did.

and i cant deny liking the song ace of spades, i think everybody does. and it signalled a no bullshit no phony no phaggots, masculine, honest musical style that i would probably appreciate if i listened to full motorhead albums like a REAL fan. i would probably go to ace of spades or overkill hahahaha. 80s stuff with the classic lineup. philthy animal taylor hahahaha i know that much about motorhead at least.

but again people who drink all day and do coke all day and bang hundreds of sluts, its a damn degenerate lifestyle, period. wouldnt you get tired of it? wouldnt you want a decent woman to have children with? though im sure lemmy had some bastard children. but if he was a deadbeat father to them who cares? but maybe he gave them a cut of his riches. well he should!

well its hard finding any info about children. he had at least one semi-confirmed bastard child, given up for adoption, when he was like 18. i wonder if he had any nonwhite kids with his black gurlfran hahahaha.

also interesting that he was diagnosed with tons of cancer in his head, brain, and neck, and then died 2 days later. did he K himself with morphine? he said he never did opiates. yet he did SPEED regularly to age 70. drank a bottle of jack a day until his 60s. 2 packs of cigarettes a day till recently.

heh. well i drink tons of coffee. maybe i should switch to speed. might be better on muh bowels. shit.

well COULD lemmy have settled down wiht a nice white gurl and become a family man?

i refuse to believe that any white man does not have that potential. and he’s a bit of an alpha male. he could have totally done it if he set his mind to it. maybe got off the booze and speed and sluts. but that was simply too much to ask.

i guess motorhead always puts on a good show. welp i wouldnt have minded seeing that but looks like i never will hhhehe.

i should just go to a damn white power rac show hahahaha. but they dont put those on the internet. there are more lame news articles about how awful white power music concerts are hahahaha. you have to prove yourself to the WP organizers first. wihch i guess makes sense.

i mean these arent dangerous things. what really IS dangerous is a large happy white family. and indeed that is my ultimate goal.

i mean i wouldnt put my kids in hitler costumes or start the next prussian blue kiddie music band or something. does anyone remember prussian blue? kinda hope not, they were kind of embarrassing but i still trust the mother, she walks the talk and is a decent white woman, maybe she just made a misstep with PB. but HOPEFULLY the girls dont become mudsharks or sluts.

whats worse, a mudshark or a slut? well, mudshark IMPLIES slut, like they shark it up with LOTS of muds. and leave it to me to find the one woman who has some questionable mudshark behavior, but is NOT a slut. imho, one is a slippery slope to the other. althoguh i would say slut comes first, then msharking. so its weird to see msharking present BEFORE the sluttiness. no im not talking about PB, im talking about That Person im obsessed wiht and trying to get over.

i think the girls will be ok, so they smoke a little MJ and become Lefty for a few years, as long as they dont become sluts, they should be ok. like i say, (not) being a slut is THE most important thing.

its frustrating when somebody is willing to be emotionally mature with other men, but not with you.

they are willing to talk and communicate with the men they love, willing to try; but with you, they dont even want to LISTEN to you. NO willingness for anything whatsoever.

yeah i was not perfect, yeah i made a mistake, but it was more of an accident, and it wasnt cheating or abusive. i just had feelings and i was reluctant to blurt it out by email or text or at work. is that SUCH a crime?

what is the proper punishment for cowardice?

i mean i eventually told her hahahaha

also she could have said ok this is ridiculous we need to talk already

but more she was like this is ridiculous, and we are never going to talk again.

yep it hurts a lot to be thrown away like garbage by someone you love. i mean someone you DONT luv CAN throw you away like garbage, cuz you are glad to be done wiht them too.

dont hate me just because i liked you, dont hate me because i was scared to talk about it. i was heavily signalling, you already KNEW, and you refused to let me talk to you about it in person. you avoided me like the plague because you picked up on the hint and just wanted to avoid me until i went away. well i went away all right hahahaha.

but jesus christ just write an email, respond to the 4 emails i sent you. how hard is that? respond once, then you can block me.

there are situations where the woman is more willing than the man. the woman is begging the stubborn man, please please work with me, please talk to me, please listen to me. in fact i think she was IN that position recently. i just wish she had been OPEN to LISTENING to me, rather than CLOSED.

and usually its the GUY, me, who is seen as In The Wrong here, so thats why i blame myself. she was closed to me becuase i was PUSHING her too much. i pushed her AWAY permanently.

yeah well she also could have LISTENED to what i had to say and RESPONDED to it.

in other words, she was trying to AVOID the talk even more than i was. i was only half avoiding it, cuz i really WANTED to talk, but was scared. she didnt want to talk whatsoever.

yeah its important that im not the bad guy, because i dont want to blame myself. like oh i screwed up this was all my fault because i did this one thing.

i guess a person like me will ALWAYS FIND ONE THING like that.

so you turn it around and say, well, she could have tried. she could have been willing. if she was willing to meet me halfway, she would have met me halfway!

so i found out one of muh fav songs by my new fav band v————i which features a guy i have had a mancrush on for a long time, but i was on the fence about him being a degenerate, that was the one thing i didnt like about him, is i thought he was kind of a soulless degenerate and he could do better than that…..and lo and behold, inthe current year 2015 i discover he has yet ANOTHER musical project which is very nondegenerate and which completely redeems him in my eyes! i dont say his name because its kind of a semi open secret. otherwise i would have known about this band years ago!

but it turns out the song is a cover of another finnish “RAC” band called sniper:

looks like a good time amirite?

this is the type of thing that commie phaggots and degenerates do protests on and want to SHUT IT DOWN.

also apparently vapaudeniristi themselves started running into problems playing shows in 2015. maybe this is when someone revealed to the english speaking world that they have a pretty Big Guy in this band.

i think it is FOOKING AWESOME as i said. it was one of the best discoveries of the year for me, and made me like this guy EVEN MORE. when some people disappoint me and break my heart, other people reaffirm my faith in them.

anyway i dont care about lyrics, i care about music, becuase lyrics usually suck. give me bad lyrics and good music. but a lot of RAC seems to be lyrics first, music second. which makes sense for that, because they have a real message they want to get across. but imho it would really help to have good songwriters and musicians and producers too, and My Big Guy is already one of those. he writes decent songs, he’s got a GREAT voice, he plays all instruments well, and he is a GREAT producer. he knows how to make anything SOUND good. he has a great ear for that. for us autists that freak out over Guitar Sound and Snare Drum Sound and Mixing and how everything sounds. he is just as autistic.

yeah well there are some people that boycott him becuase hes a RACIST and i never understood that. because he had one anti-zionist lyric on one song on one black metal album 10 years ago. really???

well this other band is a bit more blatant it seems. and i am very happy for it!

i love the image of commie crushers and skinheads in Combat Boots beating the shit out of communist Antifascists!

now i am too cowardly to physically beat people, but i love the idea of Crushing Degeneracy.

and with the catchy, short, upbeat songs, catchy riffs, melodies, the shouting choruses, and this guy has always had one of my favorite Voices anyway, to hear him roaring all these lyrics in finnish is pretty good.

its more immediate and more HUMAN and more emotional than his other stuff, which is cold and hateful and nihilistic. this stuff is more….optimistic or happy or positive and takes a stand for something Special. something he and we all can really believe in.

i cant believe he has the TIME! he already did TOO MUCH before i knew he was in this band….which also does a LOT.

i am glad he plays shows with them too. i wish he would play shows with his black metal project, and his doom project.

when he plays shows with his RAC project, the communists try to shut it down. i guess there were journalists printing lies about him and on his youtube channel you can hear him calling a journalist. and then they speak finnish for 10 minutes hahahahah.

anyway he basically does all his real “RACIST” stuff in finnish which is why i dont want to make him a target for all the non-finnish-speaking marxists.

plus he is in a big metal band which is liked by a lot of leftist antiracist pussies.

or people boycott this other up and coming black metal band just because they are on his LABEL and are friendly with him.

my question is, how racist are the lyrics of his RAC band?

hehe google translate is horrible with finnish. i translated the finnish lyrics of sniper’s isanmaa aka “fatherland” and the stuff was not degenerate at all.

” Fatherland wake up the son of the Finnish – Too much injustice, too many to death! So, the fatherland give us a sign for battle! You are too important to fight you to freedom, the fatherland! ”

its not abut getting drunk and banging sluts and acting like lemmy in other words hahaha.

and the translation of my boys lyrics that ive been able to find, are not bad. basically i dont want Stupid Skinhead stuff but i am becoming more open to it hahaha.

speaking of finnish this band moonsorrow is pretty good and has 2 good real epic songs.

they are not racist though. they have been accused of it of course! and denied it like pussies. we dont hate anyone, we just like finnish language and legends. WELL GOOD FOR YOU hahahaha.

this is all hilarious with the long running “joke” that finnish people arent even white. and some poeple are pretty serious about that. ohhh the finns are more mongolian. DNA wise they are far apart from all other europeans. they are the least europid people in europe. they are just mongolians who came over and turned albino. they dont even speak a european language.

apparently moldbug has his “law of sewage”, which is:

a barrel of sewage plus one drop of wine is a barrel of sewage.

a barrel of wine plus one drop of sewage is a barrel of sewage.

hehehehe obviously i kind of like this. even though moldbug is autistic as FOOK. he is worth reading a little bit of, i did back in 2012 and 13 hahaha. yeah hes at least half J but hes an ok guy. and he is getting kicked out of tech conferences because of his damn political views. because tech people are all sjw’s now. so weird. his real name is now out there, you can look it up, im not gonna say it.

anyway i just have no frame of reference for what happened to me, for what she did. i thought she was a better person than that. she probably IS a better person than that, this is just her big mistake, and i wont be able to convince her otherwise.

it would be easier if i culd just say, welp shes really just a horrible person, but i know shes not.

i wish she WERE, cause that would be easier to blame her, and harder to blame me!

i cant think of a famous story that parrellels this. its not like romeo and juliet.

its hard to sum up in 1 sentence, but its basically unrequited luv that ended very badly.

there was no cheating or no abusing, just…..a man loving a woman who didnt luv him back.

so yeah. nothing new or exciting there!

so lemmy was sad because his friend and motorhead drummer philthy animal taylor had died in november 2015 and lemmy made a remark like “they take a great guy like him, but people like george bush are still alive” which may indicate lemmys total normie blue pill perspective. or perhaps lemmy was just feeling shitty himself and couldnt think of a more shitty person than george bush. jeez why am i picking on LEMMY? show some respect for the DEAD. but yeah i dont like george bush either but the cooler thing to say would be like angela merkel or barry o or hillary hahahaha.

well the good thing abotu motorhead is the masculine energy, the sense of being alive and revved up and ready to dominate and kick ass. kind of like the commie crusher feel of RAC music. gives you courage to charge into battle. in a more straightforward way than some black or death metal. just high tempo ass kicking high testosterone manly man rock. like say acdc as well.

i dont even like using the term RAC but i dont know whatelse to call it. nationalist hard rock? with driving motorheadish songs that are less about drinking and fooking and more about crushing commies and securing the existence of our people? yeah ok sure sounds good!

heh lemmy should have just become a racist and made motorhead an RAC band with similar music, but them him quitting drugs and booze, and having a large white family.

hehehe what do my lads at trs forum say about this? probably that he was a degen.

 

links to threads on dead forum. that forum was public and you could actually read them without logging in. and any old schmuck like me could also register without an invite. glad i was able to get in on that. hahaha. watch now they ban me because i dont have enough posts or rep.