14BB 14ee 1433 1387 1489 1589

mar 29

ok survived the day hahaha now i am reaching my crash time of 330 pm hehehe when REALLY  should be working till 5 pm if i start at 8 am. anything less is PATHETIC.

heh well you know whats MORE pathetic, is being a jobless NEET hahaha.

whats REALLY sad is 50 year old hwyte men who are jobless neets and so they sit in the library for 8 hours a day Applying For Jobs. honestly guys. it only takes 550 applications and 320 hours to Get A Job. in other words, you should stop seeing these men after 2 months because then they will have found a job. but they DONT. this is, i fear, because the jobs just arent there, also, 50 year old hwyte men are being DISCRIMINATED against hahaha

i was trying to find some leftist thing i saw today on the shitty leftist site medium.com written by a white marxist on why no, the white working class isn’t really dying off, and if it WERE, that wouldnt be so bad, would it? but i couldnt find it, and found a bunch of other shitty leftist articles instead and “threw up a little in my mouth”.

there is this popular leftist hipster brooklyn podcast called “chapo trap house” which i guess is what all the super cool leftist kids listen to now . i guess you could listen to it if you want to Know Your Enemy. well, you don’t. you already know they are pvssy wimpy unmasculine joos. wimpy white writers who say UGH. WHITE PEOPLE. and then cant bang slutty brooklyn white writer women because they are getting used as cvm dumpsters by masculine alt right chad nationalists hahahaha. that or negros hahaha.

there was an interview with one shitlib 28 year old harvard sociology phd student who does a shitlib magazine called “Current Affairs”, and he said, the thing the alt right does better than us is that they make themselves look COOL to weird outsider kids.

he’s not wrong!

hey i say thank GOD. back when I was young, the right was losing this battle, and leftist shit joos still looked COOL to rebellious teens. now the pendulum has swung the other way. im happy about that…..but nervous about when the pendulum is just gonna swing BACK again. we wont be on top forever, lads. trvmp will sell out and or only be one term. 4 short years. we’d better have a REAL movement established by then because our fooking RACE is DYING. we dont have any more time to lose.

everything you read that was written by a woman is crazy shit. don’t read stuff written by women because THE GOOD WOMEN DONT WRITE. I wish they did! they need to make themselves HEARD just to say not all women writers are like that! not all women are like women writers!

these degenerate leftist jooed journalist wimmin writing with filthy language about all the cox theyve taken and how evil trvmp is and how abortion is so great and diversity is so great and whites are so lame and virgin men are so bad. not all women are like this!!!!!!!

but the good ones don’t write articles that get hugely upvoted and shared!

you gotta really dig to find the article by a low-number woman who enjoys her traditional life!

i mean if youre reading VICE or MEDIUM  what the fook do you THINK youre gonna find.  and there are not really lots of women on the Alt Right. not that i WANT there to be. we are still figuring out womens role hahaha. well not really. stay in back and support us. give us children. dont start drama.

but maybe you can write articles, non dramatic articles, about the joys of a traditional life. that would be some good moral support and just let us know there are good women out there.

ok heres what im thinking. these WOMEN are such good voices for the marxist joo, with this horrible marxist jooish writing they do. its clear they are true believers in this crap. no one can speak marxist jooish bullshit better than a woman. they might arguably be better than MEN at it!

so do you think a women could be equally good at writing for Our Side?

I tried to think of a good female 1433 writer and couldnt. maybe savitri devi. i dunno.  i mean who is the female GLR? or the female andrew anglin for that matter? i mean i dont think we NEED one though. that isnt womens JOB. thats MENS job. i’m just basically asking women to write some moral support articles and say keep up the good fight lads, we’ll stand by you, even the betas and omegas who dont have a woman to literally stand by you.

im not even interested in other women. i’m semi interested in BANGING young beautiful women, but I’m more interested in just FORGETTING about THAT woman. because i still want HER. want her more than other women, i and i dont want that. i would love to want another woman like that. please GOD hahahaha. and just replace that woman always and forever. stop wanting her. just forget about her.

rational response: when some beautiful young gurl is being NICE to you and showing INTEREST in you, it will be REALLY EASY to FORGET about THAT woman and to get feelings for a new woman.

and yeah about the women writers, there should be a few more women writers writing moral support articles to support the men who are out there fighting. show some god damn gratitude, especially to the men who won’t get actual gratitude from an actual woman. these are still hwyte men too, and we need THEM just as much as we need women.

i guess i just want women to show more respect to Beetas and Omegas. they way they treat you like the scum of the earth, its like a healthy man treats a dirty whore. and being a Beeta simply isnt anywhere NEAR as morally deplorable as being a flthy whore. its not even necessarily inherently immoral to be a beeta male! but these women sure treat you like it sure IS!

but yeah hwyte men need to rise up and be strong and lead again. and then they will stop being beetas and women WILL show them gratitude and loyalty. but we have to SHOW STRENGTH first. strong horse. nobody likes a weak horse.

and i have certainly failed COMPLETELY at being a STRONG man. and yeah that is frustrating.

so yeah i would say maybe some YOUNG leftists and joos cant be held liable for literally wanting to genocide the white race. because most leftists are NAIVE and dont think its about hwyte genocide, its about making a Equal World where we can all live in Social Justice. We’re not trying to EXTERMINATE HWYTE people! you sound like a crazy person when you say that!

in fact maybe just a MINORITY of jooish leftists are NOT naive and ACTUALLY realize its about hwyte genocide.

so you dont charge them with genocide or first degree mvrder, you charge them with manslaughter and sentence them to getting the fook out of our country.

didnt mean to K hwytes? oh well, youre still K’ing whytes and now you must do the time.

and here i am, i dont even want women hahahaha, i just want one particular woman i havent seen or spoken to in almost 2 years hahahah. get over it!

actually even more i wish i had a work ethic like most normies. to work 20 hours a day for years just for a CHANCE at a 30k a year job.

hint: get a engin degree and you will have an easy time getting a 30k job. electrical, mechanical, chemical. you even get a CHOICE hahaha.

and you can totally do it by age 20 or maybe even 19. this is what we need to sell to young white boys. like, younger than 14. because we want them to start COLLEGE at age 14. have the engin degree at age 18. start making 40 grand at 18. be making 80 grand by 30. damn. establish 49 employee companies and hire only whyte men. by acreage in rural areas. have the wives do a hwyte homeschool network.

shit could do homeschool college as well. shits all online anyway.

but i do think a 16 year old boy taking brick and mortal college classes with 19 year old sluts is perfect.

well, perfect is getting married to your High School Age Sweetheart. the next best thing is being a “fun project” for a 19 or 20 year old slut when you are 16.

but where you gonna meet them in engin classes, also if gurls arent going to college and becoming sluts in the first place.

easy, you meet them through their fathers when they see you as a promising young man making good money at age 18 who is looking for a nice 17 year old gurl.

i am very interested in education, but i just want to throw the whole jooed system out and start over. is there a masters degree in THAT? are there jobs in THAT? in destroying the system and starting anew? hahahaha.

well DISRUPTION is a big thing in companies now hahahahaha.

DISRUPT THE JOO.

START UP THE ROTORS.

FIRE UP THE OVENS.

you will know them by their handiwork.

funny that we goys see only their wreckage but never them themselves. so you come to hate women and hate negros and hate nonwhites when really none of them deserve your hate. father forgive them for they know not what they do hahahaha.

well, def the women dont. and the negros. pretty sure the arabs know what they are doing.

so youre saying an arab is smarter than a white woman?

NO, i’m saying that all women are easily cowed and swayed. they are natural followers.

unfort i am a natural follower as well, never was big on leading.

really i dont want to go through the STRUGGLE of MEETING somebody, getting to KNOW someone, putting in the two years to actually get to know and trust them, it takes a long time, and i already had that FAMILIARITY and TRUST and KNOWLEDGE with That Woman.

but heres the thing. me Getting To Know her didnt feel like a goddamn STRUGGLE. it happened so NATURALLY. there was no effort or heavy lifting or forcing.

and that probably contributed to me falling in luv, feeling like this was a SIGN from GOD, that she was the ONE, because i expected so much STRUGGLING getting to know a woman, as I do now, and that didnt happen at ALL. the struggling came later, in trying to deal with The End. basically just trying to confirm that i was not a horrible traitor who had done a horribly immoral thing. i had to do all those mental gymnastics myself hahahaha.

hey i admit it i was no innocent. i deserve to be ashamed for some of it, and god damn was i ever. i was a coward weakling. it LOOKED bad. and the timing was bad. i KNEW she was having some family issues and was pretty stressed about that. in the long run that is what i will feel worst about. but i will get over it hahahaha. the fact that i “waited” until she was facing something outside of her control in her family, to “spring” this on her, when she was already super stressed out about that.

but again i dont think this is betrayal or treason or warranted treating me as such.

and it was no single joo who turned her father into a muh dick hwyte negro deadbeat, but through the partially-covert actions of many joos and many accomplice goys who didnt fully realize the type of degen fatherless muh dick culture they were creating.

does anyone GO INTO education with the idea that, welp, i can’t DO, so I might as well TEACH? I think most teachers would violent protest that old Pejorative saying “if you can’t do, teach.” but i would GO INTO teaching with that defeatist attitude hahaha.

also theres a popular idea that you need ot fail to succeed. well not if you fail so god damn much that you stop wanting to TRY, or your attempts become so half-baked and half-assed that they couldn’t possibly succeed.

also i wish you could fail in the workplace more. but you cant, or then you get fired for losing the company money. thats why people are perfectionists who are afraid of failure!

maybe my dream job would be working in a Dual Enrollment program at a comm college. so i could get 14 year olds into college and not a thoroghly jooed one. def would need a masters degree for this job though. and there are damn sure not a LOT of jobs in this field hahaha.  there would be FIERCE competition amongst a group of people with masters degree in Dual Enrollment College Administration.

ideally it would be in a more rural area so as to maximize the number of Hwytes i would serve and minimize the number of nonhwytes. i dont want to HURT any nonhwytes, I just want to HELP hwytes MORE. serve and strengthen my race.

i wouldnt have to worry about any J’s because they simply dont go to these working class colleges. period.

would i h8 joos less if i knew any working class joos? if I thought there WERE any working class joos? but there ARE! though def not the norm for them. those people hahahahaha.

no more than 25% of joos are working class. and that is a VERY generous number hahahaha. prob closer to 5%. source needed hahaaha.

insanely cute and nice 18 year old hwyte girl working at local arbys hahaha. seems like a literally nice sweet uncorrupted unjooed gurl. also is 100% undeniably hwyte. nothing questionable at all in this one. if i were hanging out wiht her and she was being NICE to me AND showing that she would be interested in Monog Dating…..i would forget That Woman ever existed!!!!!

but honestly this gulr is way out of my league. when i was 20 i might have judged her for working at ARBYS hahaha. now i dont care.  i say good for her. as long as she doesnt use it as a slippery slope to degeneracy or opioid epidemic or mudsharking. if she has a good father all will be fine.

because of her nice and innocent demeanor i would assume she does has a good father. but i shouldnt do that. because That Woman had a nice and innocent demeanor, not even demeanor, she was actually nice and innocent but she had a horrible father!

anyway, i prefer nice, innocent women to bitchy, slutty women hahahaha. what a concept.

but yeah. i do hate the idea that SHE WAS TOUGHER THAN ME. she, who i held in such high regard, outcompeting me on TOUGHNESS, a quality i hold in the highest regard.

yeah but if she was REALLY actually tougher than me, she would have just told me, sorry, we’re done, you’re not a BAD GUY and i dont hate you, but I just dont feel that way, the end. we had a good run while it lasted. then i prob would have had months less of pain hahaha. had a better experience. wouldnt be so butthurt about her being TOUGHER than me.

language is powerful hahaha. lets stop calling it the jooish QUESTION and start calling it the jooish PROBLEM. daily stormer does this hahaha. so did GLR.

by page 80 in “whyte power” GLR names the J and he doesnt stop naming them after that point hahaha.

its FUNNY how the pro legalization MJ degenerates which i probably am, seem to think that MJ does not affect your driving AT ALL. they completely dismiss that out of hand the way people dismiss nazis. this is disingenuous, bad faith, and jooish af. how can you say alcohol impairs your driving but gettig blazed af doesn’t??????!!!!!!

i just want to get blazed as fook! i’ll even try not to drive hahahaha.

yeah i dont think it damages your driving ability as much as alcohol. but to say it has no effect is ridiculous. you might as well do away with dui laws hahahaha. which i might not be against hahahaha. but without dui laws i might start drinking again after like 8 years. i actually probably would.

so that proves these laws are GOOD?

i mean its terrible drunk drivers K people.

so HOW terrible is it when people have 3 drinks and then drive?

yeah but i wasnt having 3 drinks and driving. what i was doing WAS terrible, law or not.

but it is stupid you can pass out drunk in the drivers SEAT of the car and get a DUI. i actually did that once hahahaha. slept it off in the front seat. didnt have the keys in. is that a critical thing?

anyway i fully admit to drinking too much. having a medium Drinking Problem. I did it and i am not proud of it!

mar 30

found this chrome extension called onetab which sends all your tabs to one single tab which contains a list of links. the idea is so they are not running and eating up your memory with 31 tabs of jooish pron hahahaha.

really simple concept. basically have a list of your most frequently used links and then click on them to load the page rather than have them open all the time. but i like anything that can Reduce Muh Memory Footprint hahaha. OneTab. you can easily add and remove links. not add duplicate links. its basically like history or bookmarks but your top 20 pages.

and then just open like 3 or 4 tabs at a time rather than 14 hahahaha.

its EMBARASSING  I havent used this or a similar app before (there are several to choose from, i only picked onetab because it had a lot of ratings) but the chrome extention “store” is hard to browse like a power user. cant get a good buy in very well. it doesnt share out very well hahahahahaha.  cant really deep dive into there and share it out. hard to get a good buy in.

https://www.one-tab.com

try it out nd make your comp 95 times faster hahaha

i would dnate a dollar to them if they were hwyte, but they dont even beg for dnations! so they MUST be hwyte hahaha.

if you do something useful, valuable, or important, you SHOULD get paid joobux for it.

everybody likes johnny cash but we could all stand to be more familiar with the song that gave him his name:

listen to something other than ring of fire, boy named sue or hurt hahaha.

when i was a young man i played the song at a party, hope it didnt sound too shitty because i was drunk af. it certainly didnt help me get any action hahaha. but its weird. its a very SOCIAL JUSTICE, MARXIST sort of message, but I still think its a good, meaningful, sincere song. i felt it spoke to me, and also explained my own penchant for the Gloomy which i had somewhat a reputation for, hahahaha, and often wore Black, prob still do.

and i do generally agree with the social justice message of the song, that some people just get a raw deal, get shat on, and dont deserve it, and we should have sympathy for them and try to help those less fortunate.

wish i had played the song well enough to get some makeout action though hahahaha. i probably could have, but i had oneitis on some dame who wasnt the least interested hahaha. she was an ok person but i should have just avoided her. that was impossible though, i saw her EVERY DAY without even TRYING and she hung out with my friends. SAVAGE.wav.

i should have immediately gone to the shrink, changed muh major to engin, stopped drinking cold turkey, saw the shrink 2 times a week, got a nice suit, and gone to the career center every day trying to get a 28k entry level engin job. but noooooooooo.

my weekend has begun hahaha. some MJ would be ideal. instead i ate a big dinner, too many calories, and had 1 benedryl, and now 1 valium, plan on 1 more valium, and 1 more ebendryl. try not to drink too much coffee to NULLIFY it.

damn this onetab is GREAT. why didnt i do this YEARS ago. if there are 2 things i am obsessed with……..hahahaha its joos and women hahahaha. i mean tabbed browsing and Memory Usage.

i thought of doing a black metal album with great songs and great lyrics that were pretty much very fashy, alt right, VVN, 14ee, not degenerate, not morally subversive but morally upright, and very JQ  JP aware, but i would not name the j00 until the very last word of the lyrics for the album, but make sly references throughout. but wouldnt be able to be accused of being anti-semitic until that last line of lyrics was brought up because it actually use the word Joo for the first and last time to unambiguously name what i was talking about.

but i cant write good lyrics and I sure as hell cant write good music!

well thats false. i’ve written both before! just not a lot. esp in comparison with the bad and shitty and worse than mediocre!

just an idea, had no intention of actually doing it myself haha.

heh took bendryl #2 a little early. just gonna skip valium #2 and replaced it with a Benedryl. will take Benedryl #3 right before bed.

this is better than drinking. it is technically better than MJ too…..but i dont really believe that because i desperately yearn for MJ.

old GLR sneakily avoided naming the J for the first 80 pages…..i think i just said this yesterday. anyway point is, he is going fullblast on them now, thats for sure. nicely describes them as parasites and tapeworms.

heh. those son of a btiches kicked me off the TRS discord because i didnt go through the formal extreme vetting process there hahahahahaha. not that i ever used it! but discord is a potentially good chat/meeting/voice system.  might be a good way for me to Actually Socialize with people. i guess i already do that at my job, by getting better at being friendly and talking to the people there.

i guess like once a month i feel like being social hahahaha and not a total loner weirdo. the rest of the time i just want to be alone doing MJ. it was different with that woman. i liked spending time with her. it gave some hard competition to being a loner haha. made me want to reconsider that path hahaha. now i am just mainly content being a loner again. not even terribly LONELY. when i was 20, 21, etc, back then i got a lot more LONELY at the thought of being/becoming a loner. now it doesnt bother me nearly as much.

but i still might like to be somewhat less of a loner. hang out with friends a LITTLE more, and DEFINITELY have a special waifu woman. i think its much better to have a special person like that, than to not. yuge value add there.  makes life without seem very bland and boring and disappointing by comparison.

14BB hehehehe 14ee which one looks better

i might have to go back and relisten to david dukes my awakening. i listened to a lot of the audio book a few years ago and really enjoyed it. would totally recommend it. learned a lot. first learned about the evil degenerate talmud hehehe.

you can probably find a pdf or txt file on the internet hehe but its really much better just to read an actual paper book.

so whats worse? MJ prohibition, or MJ being legalized in a way where there are really really really jooish laws and taxes and regulations where people are still strongly attracted by the Black Market because the Legal Market is such a Shitty Deal? or you can go to jail for using too much hahahaha.

i mean im still wondering about the DRINKING laws. i mean yeah SHOULDNT there be laws against drunk driving, and public drunkenness, Open Intox, Open Container laws, disorderly conduct, etc.

so shouldnt legal MJ similar have a bunch of stupid strict laws? or is it better to have it be Criminalized? i dont see how i could POSSIBLY be BETTER. and its much more likely to be legalized if you can give govt and jooz a way to PROFIT off it.

i mean it doesnt take a super crafty joo to see that a lot of MONEY can be made here. follow the money. so why dont they do it? because it takes THAT long for govt and legislation to MOVE?

but the SCOTUS made gay marriage legal OVERNIGHT. couldnt they make MJ legal overnight? not that they SHOULD, but COULDNT they, and if jooz run everything, why dont they want MJ to be legal? what is the thinking here. so this proves joos dont run the US. because MJ isnt legal NOW. hahahaha.

yeah but they make money off it being illegal too.  i guess the jooish business analysts ahve crunched the numbers and determined they make more money off it being illegal than it being legal. and all the degen potheads say look at colorado making a whopping 5 million dollars a year for EDUCATION oooo this is doing SO MUCH GOOD.

of course as a born again fascist, im not so sure legalizing drugs or even just MJ is a good idea after all!

and i fully admit its for my own selfish degeneracy. it would certainly be bad for society as a whole.

besides, how many HWYTE people are going to PRISON for MJ? not a lot.  i bet even fewer blacks are going to prison for MJ. LEO probably want to bust dealers of harder drugs and just dont care about softer drugs so much.

so who do the crooked cops sell the seized drugs to? back to the mexican cartels? probably hahahaha.

how much of seized drugs are illegally sold by crooked cops? 50% of the drugs? i cant believe cops are THAT crooked hhaha. i mean i thought the drugs were SUPPOSED to be DESTROYED.

i just cant go to my local police dept and be like ay bros want to sell me some drugs?

i would be MUCH better off going to random shady negros in the shady negro area of town.

i mean i would pay a shady arab doctor extra money to give me a Non Extremely Vetted recommendation for an MMJ card. you pay extra money so they can be extra shady and say here you go, here’s a MMJ card for your insomnia and anxiety hahahahaha and i will just check chronic pain on the state application. i mean i would pay much higher than the going rate for that extra shadiness. like dirty sluts willing to suck off the doctor for more opioid pills. i wouldnt suck anybody off ever though hahaha.

mar 31

have been overeating a lot without even trying lately. so, prob will gain a few pounds. not a huge deal, but obv want to keep eye on it. friday in lent is perfect time to try a Fast hahahaha. cut cals. drinking warm coffee with butter. this is acceptable hehehe.

you could just use a folder of bookmarks in chrome to do the same thing as this onetab extension.

trying something a little diff with muh day off. instead of shooting right off to errands, i am immed doing laundry right now. will do the errands when they are either drying or out of the dryer. almost abotu to put in dryer nao.

10:55 of sleep last nite compared to the usual 7 hahaha. this is how i bring the average up to 8:30 hehehehe.

ok put stuff into dryer. havent left yet obv. just sitting here drinking butter hahaha that i wish had MJ in it!

nobody ever told me that every conversation, every PART of a conversation, every INTERACTION, every word you say, is a COMPETITION or a STRUGGLE, where if YOU don’t say something INTERESTING, or FUNNY, or VALUABLE, or USEFUL to them, or PLEASING to them, then they think you are an IDIOT or an ASSHOLE or a WEAKLING or a JOO.  or a terrible person. a child molester or a traitor or a betrayer.

my least fav are being thought of as an IDIOT, or INCOMPETENT, or a Bad Person. A Morally Weak Coward or Liar or Joo. or an Inferior MAN –  an omega male. a Bootlicker who could only pull an Inferior Woman – if any woman at all.

it doesnt matter what other people think of you……but yes it does when you are trying to impress employers, colleagues, bosses, clients, women, friends! of COURSE you care about how they perceive you!!!!!! perception is reality hahahaha.

left another encouraging comment on a new george feels video just now. good for me hahahaha but also good for HIM. he is pushing in a  good direction and i want to encourage that and see more of it.

also i think he might be sympathetic to 14BB but not want to come out and say it. which is understandable. so i want to signal to him that yep this is a good way to be bro but im not such a loose cannon that i would ever blow your cover. like come on your channel saying HH, 1433, defoo the joo etc. cuz he puts his real face out there for the whole world to see. this is pretty much totally incompatible with espousing pro-hwite views.

ok finished laundry, out of dryer. even put clothes away. so, absoutely time to go do the errands. 1240pm.

i got to thinking, all of “mental illness” is inherently jooish. and jooish are inherently mentally ill!!!!!! mental illness is the Mental Joo, basically a mindvirus mindparasite burrowing into your mind and destroying it from within. whether its derpression or anxiety, or something more serious hehehe. so yeah im not saying its not real. it’s real as fook just as these destructive parasites are real!

my bold claim is to view your own “mental illness” as a little parasite JOO that is very literally trying to personally destroy YOU and your mind and your life, and its up to you and your trusted ones to grip it and rip it out forcefully and finally!!!!!

you dont want a little hand rubbing merchant in your mind, do you!!!!?????!!?????

George’s video on JUNG is very timely, seems like a SIgn from PROVIDENCE to me!

did some quick googling on this essay only to find its very controversial hahahahaha. ie joos used it to say jung was a nazi and supported AH. shit i hope he DID! all the more reason for me to read and luv JUNG!

and all the more reason to read the essay and all the more reason to be glad that george is looking at it. probably him dogwhistling again, and i fully appreciate it, and again, im not gonna blow his cover. but the neet virgin liberatardians arent calling him a natzee yet and i dont want to clue them in. but george doesnt need these people on his side anyway. but he doesnt need people calling him a natzee right now, or ever, so i’m not gonna help them do it. as i say, his Real Life Face is Doxed, so he doesn’t need anything BAD tied to that.  so i want to be real careful with what i say to him publicly. i mean i can email him for private talks. not that i would do that more than once every 2 months hahahaha.

tired of honey nut cheerios, switching over to peanut butter crunch hahahaha. yes i know cereal is terrible. well its not as bad as pizza or ice cream or cookies or pie hehe.

http://www.philosopher.eu/others-writings/essay-on-wotan-w-nietzsche-c-g-jung/

theres the actual jung essay full text, and not a damn dissertation on why it is a nazi thing. looks like kerry bolton wrote a good thing on counter currents. which, of course, are nazis hahahahahahahahahaha. no im kidding. dr greg is a good guy and he wrote me a nice thank you note for my insultingly small donation to CC.

anyway that full essay, not sure about that translation, and DEF the formatting is fooked, with words being joined together and such. proofread that shit!

i guess david lane started his wotanism based on that essay. Will Of The 4y4an People was what he said WOTAN stands for hahahaha. no complaints here. Lane was the creator of the 14W after all! great guy! should get HIS books!

https://archive.org/details/TheJewishStrategy

by Revilo P. Oliver. I should read this hehehehe

http://bbs.dailystormer.com/t/brad-pitt-losing-weight-and-his-mind-after-whore-wife-ruins-his-life/95662

i am now courageous enough to return to the bbs after i made a post about a week ago, then afraid to see if people had responded to me. i havent read the thread, but i think a few people upvoted me!

but yeah AA shares muh butthurt over women at the risk of being called MGTOWish. no we are not MGTOWs, but god damn are women SO jooed that is is DISGUSTING. you cant be blamed for hating them a little bit, even when you KNOW its the j’s who made them this way. you wish they could resist the J even just a LITTLE bit and not be completely horrible people hahahaha.

http://archive.is/PfIWU

archive of Andrew’s article hehehe

QUOTE

This narrative of “you aren’t good enough for women” being reinforced by men is absolute poison. Our race is only going to continue to exist if we fix gender relations, and so anyone who promotes this type of a narrative is a traitor to the race. Anyone who sides with feminism in any way is helping to destroy our race.
So please, don’t allow this to continue.

Do not be ashamed.

If somebody claims that someone else is having trouble with women because he’s not a good enough man, call him out for supporting the feminist agenda against white men.

Nevermind the Sluts – Talk to Your Brothers and Never, Ever, Ever Man-Shame

The other big, BIG issue: don’t feel like you have to pretend you’re not having any problems with women.

Everyone is having problems with women, but we have a cultural climate where it is like saying “I HAVE A TINY DICK” to talk about it.

In fact, many men will engage in the above mentioned “man-shaming” of other white males. This is absolutely disgusting, and it is inexcusable.

It only helps the sluts.   ” END

NEVER EVER EVER EVER MAN-SHAME.

AND NEVER EVER EVER EVER BE AFRAID TO SAVAGELY SLUT-SHAME.

THANK YOU ANDREW!!!!!

i wonder if his qt hwyte gf left him and now he is sad and angry.

well, he SHOULD be sad and angry, and that only makes what he writes here even MORE correct!!!!!

read this article 10 times every day and give him your money hahahaha.

women are just 16 year old gurls, of COURSE they are gonna dump you and BLAME YOU for it!

trying to red pill your woman is like trying to red pill your DOG (or cat.) don’t try to get the dog to understand. just be a strong leader and your dog will follow you in your fight against the J’s. don’t expect them to understand. THE TYRANNY OF HIGH EXPECTATIONS hahahahaha

so really by acting like a 14 year old gurl and blaming me, That Woman acted exactly like how you’d expect a woman to act. i was naive and didnt know how to handle it. oh well. at least now i think i learned a valuable lesson about women. always be dominant. never expect more responsibility or maturity or wisdom out of them than you’d expect out of a 14 year old gurl IT’S JUST THE WAY THEY ARE.

some men would say slapping a woman in the face is every effective, i dunno, i don’t think i would ever be comfortable with that. i do think SPANKING them would be VERY effective and I would LOVE the cahnce to test that hypothesis. i mean slapping them in the face just seems TOO savage, too nonwhite. hwyte men don’t NEED to slap their woman in the FACE.

shit, negros and semites will brutally PUNCH their women in the face and bludgeon their skulls with blunt objects!

i absolutely showed no dominance whatsoever. i mean i was at a low point hahaha.

it just also really bothers me that i have to COMPETE with these 14 year old gurls for JOBS, and they get masters degree and outperform me in the workplace, sometimes doing honestly tough jobs, and being TOUGHER than me. 14 year old gurls arent TOUGH and dont WORK very hard!!!!!

anyway. i just esp like it when AA writes about women. his haters say he is a woman hater. i say he’s prob just been hurt by too many jooified, degenerate women, just like many of us. i might SPECULATE that he has had a recent drama with a woman that has left him extra hurt! which is FINE! it happens to us all, and these struggles and heartbreak build TREMENDOUS character in a man!

come on. do you know how many WOMEN are MAN haters? most of them!

but yeah i especially like when AA says never ever ever shame any man for being beta or whatever.

ol uncle varg borders on doing this. well you’re just not MAN enough to DESERVE a woman.

i will always luv uncle varg, but I am closer to AA’s POV here. like god damn, these women really ARE garbage, and we have to stand in solidarity with our white Brothers. BROES BEFORE HOES!!!!!!!!

oh youre just mad about not Getting Any.

Well, YES! a little bit. part of that is my fault sure, but a big part is WOMEN being huge sluts! or Slags, as the brits call them.

slores, sluts, slags, skanks.

i will white-knight on occasion. i just dont want to do it too much. and i never want to manshame unless the man is really actually doing something jooish or negrish or sinful or bad or bad faith and not just being a white knight niceguy lickspittle woman-loving beta. dont SHAME him for being INNOCENT.

i bet he did just get dumped hahaha. well i would be there for AA if he needed a manfrand hahahaha. i am concerned that he doesnt do enough real life socializing.  i thought he was back in the US. he could totally find decent men to hang out with, he just has to get out there. like there are TRS and DS goys even in my area and if I tried, I could probably meet up with them. but i would worry about being rejected for being a loser. or that the person would be a tattooed felon type.

so….youre makign fun of me for being an idiot for betting when i had the nut flush? why is it dumb to bet when you have the nuts and are guaranteed to win???? are you supposed to call and hope the other guy bets? how the fook was it dumb of me to bet????? youre SURPRISED that I “ACTUALLY” Bet with the nuts? am I not understanding something here?

is it stupid to bet on QUADS too? am i supposed to slowplay these all the time? heh i have been playing poker very recreationally for like 5 years and it looks like i havent learned a god damn thing about actual strategy. feels bad man.

maybe the guy was just bantzing me. everyone likes to shoot their mouth off about how they are the smartest poker expert ever.

i am playing at a higher stakes table than i like because nobody is in the lower stakes one.

i mean i dont get nut flush very often. about as often as full house or quads ahhahahahahaa. but i do get quads more often than i thought i ever would.

anyway i hope anglin is hanging out wth people rather than just sitting alone doing daily stormer stuff. a person needs to be a little social and have some friends to do real life stuff with. says ME hahahaha. if he had a GF and she was his only real life person and she dumped him, that could be extra devastating. just speculating.

you could say its stupid to get into the cult of personality but i think it’s actually natural and healthy. you read anglin’s stuff for years, you start to feel more attached to him, like you sort of KNOW him, and that they are KIND of your buddy in that you sympathize with them, want the best for them, sometimes donate money to them, and wouldnt’ mind hanging out with them sometime. doesn’t mean you stalk them. but you do kinda wonder about their life story. their family and friends and them growing up. and enough of anglins story is out there to put together something of a picture.

he says he gets along with with his parents, so that is good.

he is very tight lipped about where he is living now, and i cant blame him, because jooz have been protesting outside his father’s office lately. jooz have called and confronted both his mother and his father. disgraceful.

i know he’s not REALLY my buddy, but i have the greatest respect for him and want the best for him. and that includes being happy in his social life and luv life. i dont want him to be a friendless foreveralone! I guess you could say I CARE about him!

but yeah i dont have any sick fantasies or delusions that he is my buddy or anything.

i just think that when a person puts themself out there like that, they can’t blame other people for getting a little bit attached to them. like mike enoch saying you dont know me, you’re not my buddy, i’m just a guy with a microphone, i’m not a leader. when you start to get FANS and people listening to your content regularly, then yeah to me thats a kind of social contract. you are SOMEWHAT responsible to your fans. i mean, you WANTED people to LISTEN to you, right? you cant just shit on your audience.

not that mike REALLY did that. well, he sorta said some of those things haha.

shit im not even sure what anglin’s position is on all this. maybe he would try to WEASEL about being “held to a higher standard just because i am the creator of daily stormer.”

heh. just saying if I were the creator of the daily stormer, i’d kinda EXPECT to be held to a higher standard than some autist troll in the comments!!!

 

 

 

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ABG ALWAYS BE GRATEFUL

mar 8

sheeeeeeit. well i have cut muh cigaret smoking down by like 80% and dont really feel any cravings. so i am thankful for that.

OR AM I????

hhahahhahaha. maybe im not ACTUALLY thankful ENOUGH!

anyway. maybe i want to do MJ less because for a while i had moar privacy which would make WANTON use of MJ possible…..if i had any. that privacy is now gone, meaning even if i had some, it would be much more difficult to get out and use it. it could still be done, it would just be 3 times as hard.

i mean i would still do it. i would just do it less. MY POINT IS, I’M GRATEFUL that my DESIRE to use has decreased, in direct result of my OPPORTUNITY to use being limited. Since I know it’s less of a POSSIBILITY, i WANT it less.

anything that could make me WANT it less is a good thing. well, short of something thats even worse of course. like jerking off to porn 24/7. shit it would be better to just sm0ke mj.

ABG. ALWAYS BE GRATEFUL.

i would have told my younger self to never do MJ. never drink. dont go away to college. just stay at home, dont drink, dont do mj, do a stem degree, and if you dont want to do a stem degree, then do a business degree. use VIDYA if you want some form of drug to escape the “boredom” or despair.

humbling to think that VIDYA is a better alternative than Porn or Drugs or Alcohol.

but is drugs and alcohol worse than PORN? probably.

so MJ is worse than PORN?

YES.

hehehehe. damn. then how can i WANT it so bad?

i mean its apples and oranges really. its not worse than porn. it CAN be though. if you never watch porn and you always sm0ke mj. which would be the risk situation for me hahahaha. i mean i will never watch porn again. no desire to. i am DONE with that jooish filth. wish i could say the same about mj hahaha. but its not inherently jooish filth. it is pretty negrish tho hahahaha. nonwhite. arabs on hashish and such. africans and natives on MJ.

i played final fantasy 12 for 80 hours. those were 80 well spent hours. i dont regret doing it one bit. it was a great, fun, beautiful world. i would have spent those 80 hours better if i were job searching for a better job at the time. if i had spent that 80 hours in SKOOL, that would have been WORTHLESS. 80 hours of schoolwork will get you NOWHERE in life. 80 hours of schoolwork – reading, studying, homework, tests – gets you NOTHING. it gets you like 1 credit hour at best. 1/130th closer to a degree. 80 hours of job search will at least get you like 5 job interviews at least, and that’s worth something real.

but yeah its AMAZING what a WASTE of good time EDUCATION is. its LITERALLY just as bad as smokin WEED or looking at PORN. THAT is the true value of EDUCATION. isnt that DISGUSTING?

you might as well be working at WALMART. working at WALMART is a much better use of your time than EDUCATION.

its another totally jooish scam like porn, banks, loans, journalism.

so why dont i play vidya RIGHT NOW? why dont I just whip out the final fantasy and play it again? i’ve thought about it!

because i guess i would rather WRITE antijooish stuff to try to help a hwyte neet, than play 80 more hours of final fantasy.

i’ll tell you what i WOULD like to do, though. you can guess hahahaha. no not look at porn. have you even been reading what ive been saying. hahaha. i want to sm0ke w33d. everyday. right now. although somewhat less than i wanted to last week. thank GOD.

well you know what, wanting to sm0ke weed is a HELL of a lot better than wanting to be with that woman, or thinking about that woman. at least I have moved on from THAT.

is porn better than that woman?

in some ways……..yes? but still not worth it to use porn to try to get over her. i mean now we are just getting into philosophy 202 thought exercises. phil 101 would be like is abortion wrong. is being a slut wrong. is porn wrong. is cheating wrong. SUPER basic bitch stuff.

so lets say you get dumped because youre needy. i know im too needy and a big cause of women dumping me. but what if you rarely have a CHANCE to be needy….but when you do, you are? like you cant be needy unless they are somewhat considering dating you. which they very rarely are.

in other words, being that close to or have such a CONNECTION to someone is SO RARE, its almost NATURAL to become needy or overly attached. because its so damn RARE. it reminds you of what your life has been missing and now that you have a TASTE, youre instantly addicted. its like crack or heroin….but not nearly as easily available. not for YOU at least.

your key doesnt fit her lock. but many many other keys fit her lock. so you get butthurt about that too. whats so WRONG with YOUR key????? is it really THAT bad? its worse than negros and felons and cheaters and scumbags? apparently.

ANYWAY. thats old hat hahaha. who gives a shit. BITCHES BE BITCHES MAN. it doesnt mean youre WORSE than these negros, it just means they are better at Seducing Women than you are, and women are stupid as shit when it comes to seduction, they are even more stupid than a horny 16 year old boy wanting to look at porn. because nature wants these women to get pregnant NOW, so it makes them horny af, makes them sluts basically. they just have figured out (sort of) how not to get preggers. and if you do, nbd, just murder it. get it taken care of.

but youre goddamn right its frustrating they would pick sleazy negros over you. i cant blame you for being mad and butthurt and buttmad and bitter af.

again, there are some women who do not choose so poorly or recklessly. some women actually dislike negros and scumbags and cheaters and players and degenerates.

i mean this is basic bitch be masculine, be confident stuff. you can expect women to love confidence, but not to be able to discern good confidence from bad confidence. too much to ask. manage your expectations.

but yeah. every morning. before i go into my job, i say, god DAMN am I THANKFUL this is not my previous job. that I’m not dying of panic right now. that its so much of a chiller job. that i’m never gonna be in that situation where i have to answer that phone and i dont know what i;m doing or what to say. and the people around me are total professionals. i trust their judgment. i trust they know what they are doing. because they DO! they’re not bullshitting or telling me to bullshit!

i supposed i should use a clearer term because bullshit can mean at least 3 different things, including friendly banter or friendly exaggerations. usually when i say bullshit, i mean jooish lies to try to intentionally lie or hide something from somebody. not telling the full truth. being sneaky and jooish and dishonest and bad faith and….jooish! when you are trying to joo somebody!!!

its too late for me. but if i can just sm0ke w33d and watch hwyte people and hwyte children win, i will be happy enough i guess hahahaha. i will dnate money towards that end.

well when i see some hwyte people, especially younger, win at life, i sometimes get JEALOUS/ENVIOUS. and as i get older, everyone else gets younger hahaahahahaha.

 

http://archive.is/dkwM2

heh just be grateful you can make 25k as a 20 year old and just sm0ke tons of weed when you are not at work and grateful you have a job where you are not actively nervous and panicking the whole time and panicking about how you are going to SURVIVE one day at a time, every single day.

nobody said anything about sm0king tons of MJ hahahaha. that is one of the FIRST things i would have suggested.

yeah i havent ruled out that i might have ADD as well as despair and anxiety and bipolar. so you just take 4 different medz a day then hahahaha. go out drinking with your coworkers so you can become friends with them and they will stand up for you rather than throw you udner the bus. assuming you can still drink. i cannot so that does not help my working situation for when i have a REAL job like this guy ahahahaha.

wewlad i know that feel. being passive aggressive and needy and low confidence. its why i push all my friends away and will never have a gf hahahahahahahahahahaha

of course all the women on reddit with 600000000000 admirers are condescending and womansplaining to the poor guy hahahaha. oh yeah THIS is why i hate reddit hahahaha. cuz the women are so stupid.

they think they are SMART because theyre so successful in life with their 28k a year and all their relationship experience. how about you get monogamously married and have 3 children. instead of having your main goal in life being career and TRAVEL. its always TRAVEL TRAVEL TRAVEL TRAVEL with these women. red flag.

travel is fine, travel is good, but to make it a huge goal and talk about it more than family and children? not good. yeah i wouldnt mind traveling to a MJ legal place and just doing MJ hahahahaha. or i wouldnt mind traveling to yurop for 6 months. not gonna happen though and that thought doesnt eat me up inside.  but yeah i dont trust these wanderlust millennials who like to  travel so much. hints at being a ((( rootless cosmopolitan ))). no thank you. put down some roots. blood and soil.

ok closed reddit. too triggering with these modern women.

i get more excited about eating a tasty MEAL than i do about the idea of TRAVEL. i get WAY more excited about the idea that one day I might have a big bag brimming with mid grade indica budz.

again i dont hate travel. there are many places in the world, in the US, in my state, that I would like to see. its just not a huge priority. i mean shit. if im feeling adventurous i would go to this park 15 miles away which i havent gone to in 15 years. with a bunch of MJ for a fun day in the woods and trails and lake. would totally take a woman there if i had any interest in any woman hahahaha.  i should really go there myself but i REALLY have to PUSH myself to do things like that by myself.

or just go with a regular friend. but i have pushed them all away because i am too passive aggressive, aloof, never lift a finger hahahaha.

oh well at least i am not a jobless neet any more, dont have to do 28 interviews and 550 apps anymore, now i have an 11k a year job hahahahaha.

apparently youre supposed to get used to people never telling you good job for the work that you do. we millennials raised to want a prize just for showing up. entitlement hahahaha. well my response is, whats wrong with a little praise and encouragement. ALSO, I am VERY willing to GIVE that praise and encouragement to OTHER people because I KNOW it feels good to be complimented on your work! so i compliment other people just to be nice and make them feel good!!!!!! don’t other people do this? just being NICE to other people? you compliment them even if they aren’t #1.

i complimented people all the time at my last horrible job. they appreciated it and they tried to compliment me. i prob didnt get enough compliments from higher up but who cares about them, my loyalties were to my team, not my higher ups hahahahaha.

at current job, i am prob happy with the level of compliments. and i tell the other people good job just to be nice and a team player. maybe theyre doing a shitty job. but i really dont think they are.

i imagine its a lot less triggering to read the women of reddit when you have a stable rel with a woman who is loyal to you, luvs you, sucks you off, etc. then you can just chuckle at these neurotic catladies bitching about everything.

but if you dont have that with a woman, then you take what these other women are SAYING way too SERIOUSLY. you should NEVER take what a woman SAYS seriously.  well, not on reddit. if she is saying she just wants to be casual friends, yeah i guess you should take that seriously too. or when she is letting slip gems about how many guys shes fooked and she doesnt realize she’s showing her slut level.

basically dont let what women say on REDDIT trigger you. just let it go hahahaha. step away from the reddit. meditate on big green bags of w33d that you wish you had hahahahaha.

shit maybe look at some HOOKERS on the erotic review hahahahaha.

read the local newspaper and upvote all the racist or right wing comments. maybe meet up with these people and buy them drinks, see if they can get you a better paying job when you tell them how much you fooking LUV being HWYTE.

meditate on how fooking AWESOME it is to be HWYTE. no joke.

march 9

so its super early, 648 am, really i could sleep in another 20 to 30 minutes but i dont mind getting up early, checking email, writing here, having time to have a 3rd stomach churning coffee water p00p if i have to (and i fully intend to in about 10 mins) and look at weather and traffic and email and calendars for people. get

ok had to do that before 10 minutes hehehe

but yeah so this is my opportunity to pump myself up. do the best i can. that was a valuable reddit thread above on the young man who is trying to get used to the world of work. it is a very fundamental question. even the people who are fortunate and skilled and smart enough to be gainfully employed at 28k a year have great difficulty adjusting to it emotionally.

50% of people are failures at life hahahaha.

this is what education SHOULD do. it should prepare children with the skills for work, so that they are GUARANTEED a 28k a year job as soon as they get out of high school at age 18. or more like 16. and you dont graduate until you have that job. and there would also be classes in high school on How To Adult: how to buy a home, how to raise children, how to be emotionally stable for 50-100 hours of WORK a week, how to not do drugs. schools and education fail at all these outcomes (objectives?). i mean yeah this stuff is probably the responsibility of the parents anyway. but these are THE most important things!!!! so keep your kids out of school and teach them The Most Important Things yourself because schools are absolutely useless.

education should be noble and sacred but the joos have ruined it, used it as a weapon against the stupid goyim. horrific. a travesty. also, you shouldnt leave The Most Sacred Trust up to a class of Professional Strangers! yeah yeah yeah at least 50% of them are True Believers in Making A Difference in Kids Lives and thats great, BUT, they still get trained in marxism by marxists and their good intentions are pretty much ruined hahaha.

maybe That Woman was way out of my league, she was way too good for me, because she was not a single mother. i simply don’t DESERVE a woman who is NOT a single mother. let alone one under 30 AND hwyte AND somewhat attractive!! WAY out of my league!!!!

i mean i am pretty much done with women until i stumble upon the next one hahahaha or take the action to Get A Hooker. i mean i cant legit try to Date Women until I have a 28k job, thats the rule, right? and all those online dating women are just a Marginal, Nominal, Horrifically Tiny step from being Hookers themselves, just less honest hookers hahahaha. with a hooker you know what youre getting. a woman who takes cash to fook 50000000 men.

but yeah i had that uncomfortable thought as i came home from a very easy day of making 11k a year: SHE WAS WAYYYYY OUT OF MY LEAGUE. SHE WAS WAYYYYYY TOO GOOD FOR ME. How FOOLISH of me to even entertain the thought. a hwyte trash fatherless gurl who is not super smart hahaha. way out of my league just because she doesnt have kids. and she is a solid 7/10 hahaha.

was she really out of my league? on paper it sounds like yes. but she wasnt out of league to be muh frand. and really its amazing she hadnt become a single mom herself yet. maybe she has by now. it doesnt matter.

but yeah when they dump you in a nice way, it doesnt bother you so much that they are out out of your league. when they dump you in a ruff way, you think, wow, maybe they were APPALLED that I had the AUDACITY to think I was even CLOSE to their league.

lesson: always be nice when you dump someone. dump people the way you want to be dumped.

did i learn my lesson: of course i did. how many more times must i say it. just blurt everything out as soon as possible. tell the whole truth immediately. i mean i hate to think i was a LIAR. I wasnt HIDING the truth. i was just too COWARDLY to tell the full truth, that i was heavily hinting with the way i was acting. lying would be acting one way, then denying it. i never DENIED anything. i was never asked to confirm or deny anything. but yeah i was no innocent victim. i had a role in my own downfall hahaha.

start of the weekend. no mj available. took 1 benedryl immed on getting home. plan to take 2 valium thruout day. not 3. 2 valium and prob 1 more benedryl.

i dont think women should be banned from asking questions/OP’s on reddit. i just think they should be banned from ANSWERING them!

http://bbs.dailystormer.com/t/half-a-million-pussies-march-on-washington-demanding-president-trump-grab-them/79313

great article about women. go throw some shekels at anglin now that his tshirt sale is closed. good thing i bought one hahahaha.

My grandmother always said it should cost $5,000 for a marriage license , and $50 to get divorced. That way you will be absolutely sure that you are serious about it. sez guy on daily stormer bbs.

well, it already costs like 6000000000000000 to get married, but not for the license, but for the stupid bridezilla wedding. and then it costs 60000000000000000000000000000000000000000000 dollarydoos to get divorced hehehe. but i see the guys point and its a good one, i agree.

another great quote in the thread from oberstein:

”  xOberstein Jan 22  reply to: TaureanPolishAngel [he’s mansplaining to a young women how men and women are different]
Pretty much the same reason women are naturally hypergamous. It’s two sides of the same coin.

Men are lookers and initiators. They’re attracted to looks, and they have to consider as many women as possible to find one who they are interested in and who is interested in them. The men who are successful at relationships are those who are the most active in searching for a partner, and the best at wooing her. These men can’t just radically change their personality once they enter a relationship. They’re still going to find other women attractive – that’s not something they can just turn off. This is why men are considered polygamous, and why unprincipled men sometimes cheat.

Women are not active in finding relationships – while men are the lovers, women are the beloved. This is why you (presumably) wait for a man to ask you out, rather than asking him out yourself. Once a woman is in a relationship, she is devoted to her partner, because she has little experience in finding random men attractive or seriously considering strangers as potential partners. However, if another man enters her life who she finds more attractive than her current partner, she is likely to return his affections and cheat. This is why women are considered hypergamous.

Jealousy affects both men and women when their partner cheats, both because people want to be loved (obviously) and because having your partner cheat seriously damages your chance of reproducing. In fact, I’d argue that men go through much, much more pain than women if their partner cheats on them or breaks up with them. The suicide statistics don’t lie. http://i.imgur.com/irQtOYz.png4   ”

saor guardians. great album and gets even better with time hehehehe.

ate dinner, took one valium, drinking coffee and listening to saor guardians. great album.

ya know why i dont like women? because they’re not as MORAL as men, and I prefer moral people to less moral people. now i totally understand that women arent SUPPOSED to be as moral as men, they dont have to be. but i also dont think nature is FORCING women to be less moral than men. i mean it wouldn’t be UNNATURAL for women to be a little bit more moral. although as it is, it’s not unnatural for them not to be moral either. becuase they dont NEED to be, they never NEEDED to be. men NEED to be. so i just contradicted myself hahaha. but yeah even though women have less of a NEED to be moral, nothings STOPPING them from being more moral if they WANT.

i like more moral people better than less moral people, so i like men better than women hehehehe.

and believe i believe women COULD be more moral if they real WANTED to, i resent them for taking the Easy Way Out.

heh. setting clocks forward two days prior to daylight savings time simply because i can hahahaha. gives me more time to adjust haha.

well the women i DO actually know in real life seem pretty moral. again im going back to this FICTIONAL, IMAGINARY woman who doesnt really exist. it’s not even an accurate representation of That Woman although in my mind it kinda “looks” like her. but she wasnt super immoral or evil or jooish, she was just human hahahaha just like any of us.

jooish, thats a good word for immoral, hahaha. synonymous.

mansplaining is just explaining. womansplaining is not explaining at all, its just BULLSHITTING.

aphorisms, like nietzsche hahahaha.

schoepenhauer. was he any good?

weininger. was he a joo? if so, you know where he goes.

904 pm (really 804 but i am trying to train my mind) took second and last valium. will prob take benedryl in a few hours then go to bed.

a good day at the table today, doubled muh stack finally. i need to do this a lot more!

i wonder if i were in high school right now how easy it would be to get MJ.

when i was in high school it wasnt too hard to get MJ although i wasnt looking to buy too much ever.

when i went to college i wanted it much more. and it was PROBABLY even easier to get, but it seemed harder, because i had less friends in college than i did in high school, had a very hard time adjusting and making friends. i eventually made friends and then it was easier to get MJ, but things would still run dry more than youd expect. and you had very little choice. just buy super expensive high grade stuff or get nothing at all hahahaha. i wanted mid grade but couldnt find it. everything was super top shelf kind buds. wawawawawawa. nothing for more working class people. these were all super middle class uni kids. and many of them were decent, even great people.

although if i were younger and in high school or college right now…..i shouldnt be smoking mj because that was one of the big mistakes where i threw my youth away and became a failure at adulting now. was because i smoked too much mj back then. and alcohol, and porn, and being a weirdo, and not going to a shrink, and not taking meds, and being stubborn, and remaining in the useless college situation i was in, rather than going to a less middle class, closer to home uni and getting a degree in stem or business or machining. all those were factors, not just the mj.

heh. its like i dont have the energy or will or agency or initiative to ACT on what i’ve learned from all my mistakes and failures. i’ve learned the lessons but still DO NOTHING.

world womens day. fook off. what is this bullshit. first the womens march on washington, now world womens day, women stay home from work, etc. so stupid. its all just a gay ass jooish protest against glorious leader trvmpenfuhrer. they think hes literally hitler and wants to throw women and muslims in ovens. shit i wish he did hahahaha. well, not hwyte women hahaha. but publicly hanging traitors would be fine. would send a great message. its a little barbaric i guess. so you could put bags over their heads, and just let their hanging bodies hang there for a week. that would still get the point across.

i mean ideally women wouldnt go to work to begin with. and a family could survive on one income and men wouldnt have to compete against women for jobs in this grotesque abomination that is enough to turn me against capitalism hahahahaha. to see it as the other jooish side of the jooish coin of communism. just like the two sided joooish coin of marxism and zionism, you have the two sided jooish coin of communism and capitalism. DAMN.

so yeah just give me nationalism. hwyte nationalism.  with somewhat free trade optimised for the benefit of your hwyte citizens. hwyte fascism hahahaha.  and i would be a softie about hanging hwyte traitors. id hang a few though. the hardcore people would say not enough.

i dont even know if id hang illegal aliens hahaha. no i would literally catapult or airdrop them into their home countries. make them pay for it hahahah. shit i might even have our taxpayers pay for us, because it would benefit our country. just like The Wall. imho we dont need to make mexico pay for it. if you can get them to, FINE, but it’s still a good deal even if we have to pay for it. just build it quickly, dont put it off. people want to see this wall soon. i really hope he doesnt waffle on this wall and literally starts building it NOW. i dont care if its more of a see through grate or fence.  FINE. it makes sense, that you could see through and shoot through the wall. how about even just prisons have rows of barbed wire fences. that would be fine. throw up some cheap barbed wire fences. have manned guard posts every mile with people in there 24/7 with gunz hehehehe. yeah that would be expensive sure. but patriotic murkans would prob be willing to pay for it. would rather my tax dollars go to it than welfare bennies for illegals hahahahaha.

really i bet blacks are a bigger problem than illegals or muslims hahaha. well in some areas the illegals are about as big a problem as the blacks hahahaha. and the black question has been a tough one for many years because of course its connected to slavery. im not so stupid that i would deny that!

HA! watching watters world on fox news and he is interviewing people outisde the alamo and he talked to a metalhead wearing an inquisition shirt. he looked kinda latinx though hahahaha. almost certainly a degen but never saw an inquisition shirt on tv before hahaha. they are bretty kewl and there were rumors they were racis. ok they showed the guy again and he looked pretty white. inquisition is from south america america and im sure they are mixed mestizos, but i’d also say they are 75% white mestizos hahaha.  i would be willing to go to one of their concerts, i hear their concerts are GREAT.

mar 10

yep long post but my hands are tied. it is what it is what it is. because i already have 99 drafts and if i add one more, i get shut down. thats a wordpress rule. in fact im surprised they havent shut me down for my wrongthink.  even if you DONT talk about violence, and i dont, or crime, but you just talk about the JQ for long enough, and you will get shut down. you cant even talk about it. thats how you know its some serious shit hahahaha. so i thank god im a murkan, where at least i know im free. we have a lot more freedumz than other formerly hwyte nations like canada or uk or germany or aus.

the first song on this album is extremely catchy and popped in my head yesterday. this album came out in 1999 or 2000 and i remember it was a big deal. i was just starting to learn about black metal and death metal at that time and I remember when the album came out and i bought it on CD and everyone was like wow the great emperor finally came out with their follow up to the Groundbreaking Anthems album.

i suppose this IXE album sounds a bit dated today since black metal really didnt end up evolving this way and im kinda glad it didnt! ie overwrought symphonic stuff. but there are still some sweet riffs and fast blasts here.

and then emperor has become completely irrelevant and ihsahn still has plenty of die hard fans but he is certainly not Bleeding Edge any more. not that he has to be.

and then by 2001 i didnt really care about their final album hahaha.

they are not BAD, just….ITNE and Anthems were their best albums hahaha. maybe wrath of the tyrant too but im not familiar enough with that one haha.

in general, i am quite happy with the way black metal has been evolving the past 25 years or so hahaha and boy has it been evolving and i’m grateful that i can be happy about the direction its taking. both the throwback stuff, and the pagan stuff, and the artsy blackgaze alternative hipster stuff, the american stuff, the british stuff, the finnish stuff, the french stuff, the orthodox stuff, it’s all good!

http://archive.is/qpYAJ

hit piece on andrew anglin from columbus paper, feb 2017

http://bbs.dailystormer.com/t/the-atlantics-luke-obrien-launches-campaign-of-harassment-to-shut-down-speech-of-political-activist/90830

anglin tells of sleazy journos being sleaze joornos. they are the scum of the earth and the enemy of the people hehehe.

oh hay yesterday march 9 was the 99th birthday of george lincoln rockwell RIP.

http://archive.is/lYvw8

full text of “THIS TIME THE WORLD” his autobiog

http://laraj.ca/AGwiki/uploads/Fascism/America/George%20Lincoln%20Rockwell%20-%20This%20Time%20the%20World.pdf

pdf here made pretty by our lad zeiger, will prob get taken down hahaha

https://archive.org/stream/ThisTimeTheWorld/ThisTimeTheWorld_djvu.txt

i should buy a hard copy because this deserves to be proudly displayed on all hwyte men’s bookshelves hahahaha

i should have been reading and praising GLR for YEARS, its SAD ive only really started getting into him now. Sad! he was a giant. a LION of a man. without him, there would be no dr pierce, no david duke, no vvn, no 14 words, no dr greg, no weev, no andrew anglin, no trs. no me hahaha.

i mean this guy cuts right to the chase immediately and is just as timely as ever. on the first page, calling out the J and the WELTFEIND hahahaha. the twin evils of zionism and bolshevism. crush zionism. good lord. no rambling for pages and pages.

also he is just a good writer and not just a good speaker. he could and did write a good book that seems like it will be a pleasure to read.

even though he was tragically murdered FIFTY years ago, the stuff still reads like it was written TODAY.

http://bbs.dailystormer.com/t/why-america-losing-its-cyberwar-stockpile-is-good-for-america/90756

mar 10 new article by weev writing for daily stormer. did not show up in muh google alerts for weev! maybe google is banning daily stormer from search results hehehe. i found it thru a link on a reddit that appears to be picking up where /r/altright left off when it was shut down.

heh. there are so many articles on daily stormer you cant even find them on the front page hehehe.

 

GOOD PEOPLE ARE ASHAMED WHEN THEY DO BAD THINGS

sat aug 12

IF YOURE NOT ASHAMED OF BEING A HUGE SLUT, WHAT ELSE ARE YOU NOT ASHAMED OF?

GOOD PEOPLE ARE ASHAMED WHEN THEY DO BAD THINGS.

saw this super qt young blond gurl i have seen about 3 to 4 times at public social event. i noticed her the first time i saw her, where she was sitting pretty near to us, and i was like wow that girl is super qt, but i think average guys would say meh she is ok but no big deal, maybe 6/10 hahahaha. a little Mousey.

i guess MOUSEY IS MY TYPE hahahahahahaha.

this is really the first time where i was like wow i SHOULD go talk to that woman and try to Ask Her Out On A Date hehehehe. the worst she can say is no.

but i would be 100% satisfied with her qt body and if she had a decent personality, WHICH IS NOT HARD TO DO, JUST BE NICE AND MAKE AN EFFORT NOT TO BE AN OBNOXIOUS BITCH, then I could see myself TOTALLY getting over and forgetting about That Woman. This Woman has the potential to replace and erase That Woman completely. would probably be an improvement if she’s not a mudshark and tries to not give silent treatment.

main qualm is that i have nothing to talk about and i am OLD and an omega male with several years of huge setbacks on muh career. she is maybe 8 to 10 years younger than me, and probably on the Average Path to a Middle Class Career. University, graduate at 21, get a decent entry level 30k job at 21, get a promotion and/or a grad degree by age 25, etc. what do you say to normie winners like this? what do you say when you have WEIRD INTERESTS that you cant talk about with normies, like jooish subversion of our culture, the future of huhwhyte people, plus women shouldnt be talking about political stuff anyway.

well ok i guess i could keep the conversation on the Common Interest we clearly have, and talk about careers in general, or her career, minimize talk about my career. talk about morality in broad general terms, like do no harm and dont treat people like shit, and Tinder Dating Culture is Gross, i hope you’re not into that. no i dont just want to “FOOK” you, I WANT to put in the due diligence and dating and extreme vetting in order to get to that point, and i dont WANT you to fook guys right away anyway. i mean you SHOULD be taking at least 6 months anyway.

the other thing is she really does look kinda YOUNG. i dont have a problem with that…..but ALL OF SOCIETY DOES, so she would be getting a lot of pressure, and prob a lot of her own personal preference to not date an old loser creeper, find a nice boy at college closer to her own age who didnt screw up so much in life, has a good career.

ideally, i would have talked to her that VERY FIRST DAY i noticed her and ASked Her Out On A Date then. now I’m THINKING about her and ALREADY building up a stupid FANTASY.

but you CAN tell something just by looking at people. not everything, but still some meaningful stuff. some poeple just LOOK LIKE dirty mudshark sluts. some women look young and innocent and nerdy and mousey, like they havent been with 100000 guys.

sure, some sluts can look innocent, especially the young cute ones, but they can’t hide that slutty c0khungry gaze forever. cold, dead, black eyes, like a dolls eyes hahahaha. damn disgusting sex addicts hahahahaha.

sex is very important and im very interested in it…..but i put it in a proper perspective! and realize it is in service of something even MORE important!!!!!!!

women might not UNDERSTAND this, but they dont NEED to, they just NEED to not be a slut. when something they cant understand is just in their bones and says no, i dont want to BEHAVE like a dirty slut, even if my peers do, even if tinder encourages it. im just not wired that way. nope. its gross. it doesnt feeeeeeeeeeeeeeeel right. im not that kind of gurl. if some guy is a player pushing for secs, i dump him. i want to really get to know a guy first and i dont have secs unless we are In A Relationship.

DING DING DING WE HAVE A WINNER that is the correct answer. she doesn’t need to do on some bitter diatribe like you do about degeneracy and sin and the sanctity of human life and da joos and a culture of disposability and bla bla bla. you can gently push her towards that and then after 6 months of dating she can be a raging antijooish crusader with you hahahaha.

so what my plan hahahaha. take a shower next time i go, so i dont stink like a person who hasnt taken a shower in 3 days hahahahaha. dont talk about jooish degeneracy, dont say ive been staring at you the past 4 weeks, dont say im a neet omega 35 year old virgin who makes 13k a year. just emphasize the positives. say i am a nice person and a good person and want to meet a nice woman who is Compatible with me. I dont go in for Tinder Culture and you like to play this game i like to play and frankly you are kinda QT. For me. i dunno most other guys would think you are a 6.8 hahahahahahahahahahahahahahahaha like that neg?

but 6.8 is my 10 hahahaha. shit 6.8 is out of my league, im a 6 at best!

got first paycheck in 17 months hahahahaha. feels pretty good. someone who makes 13k a year should not be paying out 18% in taxes…..but really its only 9% in taxes and 9% in DEDUCTIONS like state pension / health care. which doesnt really benefit me at all. and social security hehehe. i have tried to minimize my state and fed income tax byt claiming allowance, or exemptions on the w4, which i never do, but now i am, because i would rather the money made .0000001% jooish interest for me, rather than go to uncle shmuley.

like to cut back on the coffee here hehehehe. i literally drink coffee all day, over a pot of coffee a day. it doesnt even have an effect on me any more. which is good as regards muh sensitive stomach, but uhhhh i would like to be more awake and alert and energized!!!!!

having a qt mousey 6.8, less than 10 guys gf would prob help with that hahaha.

go to therapy weirdo. hahahaha. well if you make 26k a year and dont go mad and have serious emotional probs that stop you from making 26k a year, be thankful, and prepare to live a Life Without Women.  and go to therapy for at least 10 years, thousands and thousands of dollars, before you are minimally qualified to date a disgusting pigwoman hahahaha. that’s how low your market value is.

i just hate this lie women tell t hat women are not aliens, they are just like men. well, it’s really a JOO lie, the women don’t know its a lie, they are just repeating jooish trash, they dont need to know any better.

but yeah. when i was friends with women, i was like, this is pretty nice, see women arent these weirdass ALIENS, theyre PEOPLE just like you and me.

of course, i didn’t have any Romantic Interest in them. when i DID, then came the whole ALIEN thing.

no, women arent technically aliens……UNTIL you want to interact with them in an Heterosexual, Dating, Relship, Intimate capacity. THEN they are total aliens. and you have to Learn and Use GAME hahahahaha.

aka BE MASCULINE.

if youre just trying to be friends with women, you need no game whatsoever. you can be a neet omega virgin.

then shit gets ridiculous when you start getting more than friendly feelings for your female friend.

just because Our Past makes us the Awesome People we are now, doesn’t mean you can’t be deeply ashamed of the horrible, degenerate, disgusting, shameful things you did in your past!

it’s not the PAST per se that makes you who you are, its you LEARNING from the MISTAKES you made and WORKING to become a better person! doesnt mean you should be HAPPY about those mistakes!!!! you can say, yeah that SUCKED, i was shitty, and I never want to be shitty like that again! NOT i fooked 10000000 guys and im not ashamed at all, i chose you, so you better accept my past!

i’ll accept your past once you REPENT for it.

NO REPENTANCE, NO ACCEPTANCE.

i will FORGIVE just about ANYTHING. my mercy and forgiveness is almost as infinite as GOD’S. but even GOD asks you to be REMORSEFUL for your sins. no you dont have to live in shame for years, but you DO have to realize what you did was WRONG, and genuinely, honestly be sorry for it, and willing to do a penance for it. Can you say this about your GF and her Slut Past? If not, be very afraid. because she’s not done with her slut past. its looking like a slut present and slut future. hell yeah you should judge, especially if she’s not going to!

im very judgmental of other people, but how about myself? EVEN MORE SO! you’re god damn right i am even MORE judgmental of myself!!!!!!!!!!!!!

woman wants to get revenge on her bf who legit betrayed her. i can totally understand revenge. but she wants to go too far for even a legit betrayal. like pushing the guy back into being a drinker, hurting his dying mother, even some say Ghosting is too much, Ghosting seriously fooks people up, don’t do it, its bad karma.

heh. my idea of revenge would be, just send all the noods and sex pictures they sent you, to their family members to show them what a slut they are. probably dont send the pictures to any family who is known to be super old, or dying, cancer, MS, etc. basically to mother and father, if they are not dying.

maybe plastering the noods all around her neighborhood. or sending them to her boss and colleagues. post on facebook wall.

or putting a bag of dog shit on their porch.

i mean i dont WANT revenge any more. i just want her to know what she did was WRONG, that it HURT me, and to be REMORSEFUL for it. also shes not a bad shitty person. so,more than likely, she DOES feel bad about it. well, that doesnt’ make me feel any better, because if she’s a good person, then i want to Be With Her!!!!!! and she is, and I do!

yeah well maybe this qt gurl at the game night is also a nice person. there are lots of good people out there. i tend to stay away from Bad People! that woman not a bad person, she was a pretty darn good person!

the people i associate with are good people! i would be hard pressed to name a single bad person that I actually know! if i get the intuition a person is a real piece of shit…..i stay away from them!

i mean i’ve know some Very Troubled people….but they are still Good people despite their flaws.

yet i WASTE all this time and energy THINKING about BAD people who don’t even really EXIST in my life!!!!!! these FICTIONAL degenerate sluts!

i mean they’re not strictly fiction….. but point is, iTS NOT WORF IT wasting time and energy thinking about this shit for more than 1 minute, unless i actually have a bad person or degen slut in my life giving me Issues!

so i waste a lot of time and energy, cause a lot of pain and anger, thinking about ABSTRACTIONS!!!!!! i mean these things really DO exist, but i tend to shun them in real life! even the sluts i’ve actually dealt with, i can’t say they were horrible people! just troubled and misguided!

heh. i was thinking about starting a Despair Forum where members pay x dollars and in return, they get a shrink or social worker who responds with expert advice every day, every thread. kind like Despair Forums only with an active team of experts who posted on all threads hahahaha.

maybe limited to men only.

i mean its sad. on /relships you see PLENTY of people with despair, or their gf or bf has issues with it, plenty of requests to Go To Therapy for Despair, yet if you look at /despair, its the shittiest sub ever. like, even shittier than /relships. for such a serious problem, it needs more serious discussion on reddit hahahahaha.

2016-12-30-13_24_12-sam-hyde-on-girls-in-college-kickstarter-tv-youtube

hehehe thats pretty funny

i guess this is a sign from GOD tellng me now is the time to become a sam hyde fan, sam is one of ussssssssss……

well i believe sam is a grad of RISD, ie a very top tier art skool, and he is prob butthurt because it didnt make him any money and he is 3000000000$ in debt now hahahahaha. well if THAT doesnt wake you up to the jooish college scam, nothing will. and there are THOUSANDS of college educated middle class shitlibs who are 50k in college debt and still LUV joos and blax and muslims and gays and cheating and abortions. at least sam has seen the light. id like him for him to seriously come out and say “I AM A HUHWHYTE NATIONALIST” but pretty sure he is anyway hahaha.

i just enjoy serious honest interviews more than “playing a character” for comedy. and of course you can be witty and funny in your serious interviews. shit i think he has done some normal talks, i just dont have the time to listen to his 6000000000000000000000000000000 vidyas hahahaha.  i mean i would like if the SPLC just did a report on him already, sam hyde is a WN racist terrorist hahahaha. i mean besides all the school shootings he did hahahahahaha. the fact he got his tv show on adult swim for even a month is insane.

i mean, i see attractive young women pretty regularly…..but rarely do i feel the urge that I SHOULD REALLY APPROACH THAT WOMAN. I will regret not approaching her.

when really i should be bold like a negro and approach every woman i find attractive, which, as i say, is a decent number. well, it wont be after all these 18-21 year old white gurls go back to ((((COLLEGE)))) hehehehe.

they dont need to understand how jooish it is. they just need to not DO THE JOO hahahaha. dont have tinder sex. dont treat people like garbage or objects. dont JOO people.

so GOD is calling me to talk to this gurl somehow. honestly the thing that concerns me most is that she looks really YOUNG. i dont have a problem with that, but the whole world does. if she is like 22 years old, yeah i risk looking like a real CREEPER in public. like why the hell am i interested in a CHILD hahahaha. yeah well fook that. shes a super qt gurl and i am a Single Man. in my heart i know its all right hahahaha. its not like she is 16 or even 18.

besides when i first became friends with that woman, she was 22 hahahahahaha. a CHILD.

really trying to improve my Mint system, and i have. trying to eliminate vague categories like “groceries” or “shopping.” because it had automatically moved stuff from the local supermarket or amazon or paypal or target into one of these categories when something like “clothing” is much more descriptive and useful. shoes, gratitude for fam, coffee, food, etc. books.

heh. i could make up a little business card with a link a Dating Website that i could give to that young woman for her to learn more about me than i can give in a 30 second elevator speech hahahaha. a nontinder nondating website profile hahaha. a general social website. like facebook. but not because i am not on facebook hahahaha. because i am creepy about womenhahahaha.

basically women on Dating Sites go on a lot of Dates, even on the rare chance they are not having lots of gross slutty secs with a lot of sleazy dudes. at the very least, they are going on lots of DATES and sitting through HOURS of guys trying to entertain or interest or impress them. that is a lot of competition. you have to be more interesting than all these guys. guys who have had a LOT more dating and women experience than you. you think, jeez, i wish there were some OTHER way to meet women, i just dont want to meet the types of women who use dating sites. therefore, you have to find women in the Wild who dont look like dating site sluts, and approach them. realizing they could very well still use dating sites and be huge sluts even if they dont LOOK like it hahahahahaha. like That Woman. did not look like a mudshark or a dating site woman, but she was a mudshark and on okcupid and probably tinder.

in her defense, she wasn’t all in on any of those things. she had just dipped the toe in. she could have EASILY turned back. being a decent person, she probably did, and married a nice white boy, gave him many children, and they lived very happily ever after.

https://radio.therightstuff.biz/2016/12/28/rebel-yell-150-sexual-utopia-in-power-f-roger-devlin/

heh i have known about devlin for YEARS, ever since bernard talked about him YEARS ago. little did i know that devlin was proto-alt-right! but yeah i should buy devlins books already. great guy with great perspective on WOMEN. not sure if he has great advice for normal men to find decent women. wish he would talk more about that. maybe he does in this interview. good that he says yes to appearing on a TRS podcast.

http://www.radixjournal.com/journal/2016/12/20/cultural-enrichment-and-sexual-competition

took benedryl.

that feel when you have been using your gf as an “emotional beast of burden” without being aware, and she resents you for it, and says youre very immature and need lots of therapy, but in reality you’re well within your rights, and she should be your beast of burden in this situation by just giving you some comfort when your parent is dying and you are sad. but now you are immature and need therapy.

thankfully reddit agreed that the gf was being rdiculous and immature and he didnt’ necess need therapy just because he vented at her once and was a BUZZKILL at that time.

hehehe i have had severe derpression for almost half muh life and i would never think of doing this to a person, giving them a bullshit ultimatum like that! a guy who would act like this could never get a gf in the first place!

thankfully reddit gave good advice. they DO give good advice 50% of the time!

woman ghosted  by man. i took it alot worse than this hahahaha.

good god. making good money at age 24 AND getting a full ride scholarship and hes not even finished with uni? getting a total POS for a gf when he DESERVES a nice white waifu.

smokin MJ and listen to saor, fuath….and gris again hahahahaha.

ITS NOT WORF IT

nov 26

yeah you know what now i have a damn desire to play that ff6 gaym. even though its not AWESOME. its merely PLAYABLE.

like a BOSS I just shaved for the very first time with an Old Fashioned Safety Razor. I was ECSTATIC. it was DELIGHTFUL.

https://www.walmart.com/ip/Van-Der-Hagen-Traditional-Heavy-Duty-Razor-6-pc/37482632?action=product_interest

so yeah not a top shelf MERKUR(R) razor, but tbh I am completely satisfied, expectations exceeded even.

every surprise was a pleasant surprise. i thought i would butcher muh face with it. i absolutely did not, even wielding the blade someway carelessly.

i guess you have to use somewhat shorter strokes because it gets less with each swipe, but thats not a big deal at all. takes a little longer. not super duper FAST.

but it did not leave muh neckbeard all red and irritated like if i were using the normal electric razor.

i guess to keep it working well i will have to change the blades regularly hahahaha, which is not something i am likely to do hahahaha.

but yeah overall, 10/10, highly recommended, great pleasurable activity. i did not even use fancy Shaving Butter or Mug stuff, just some old ass shaving cream that was almost spent.

started reading DBT book, it was ok. it starts out recommending Radical Acceptance, which is you basically saying it is what it is. accepting that whatever bad shit has happened. dont blame. blaming them or blaming yourself doesnt help you manage the suffering. keeps you suffering longer.

well i was already ok at this. i accepted what happened. didnt mean i had to respect it. this is why I say, ACCEPT IT, DONT RESPECT IT, when some fool tells you to “RESPECT HER DECISION.” fook NO you dont have to RESPECT it. you can say this is SHITTY AS FOOK. but you can still ACCEPT it. like yes that happened. i will try not to blame her or myself too much.

this event is the result of OVER A MILLION prior decisions. This even HAD to happen. hehehehe. you basically observe the painful event and say yeah this painful event happened and i dont have to like it hahahaha.

then yu DISTRACT yourself from the event to keep your emotions from running too high. distract but don’t avoid.

the book gives you a list of 100 pleasurable activities. some of the shit is bona fide DEGEN, like “masturbate” or “have secs with someone you like” the latter of which is not NECESS degen, but I snorted and scoffed at the NONNEVERGF PRIVILEGE on full display here!

i mean MAYBE I should have saved and spend more money on the fanciest fooking razor in the world, instead of paying 16 dollars for a razor made in CHINA, spend 30 dollars on an actual merkur razor made in GERMANY…..and if i ever get tired of this Chinee Razor, I will do just that.

i dunno. i just like holding and looking at the razor. best present to self ever. a true alt right pro white razor hahaha. this is how richard spencer shaves hahaha. again shaving is degenerate, jooish, and pedophilic hahahaha but when you have to shave your face to have the privilege of slaving for joos, and be a semiproud white working man, you should use a masculine, classic, traditional, stainless steel / chrome Safety Razor.

i think if you use a STRAIGHT razor, thats where you can really cut yourself.

they call this thing a SAFETY razor because it has a little metal strip under the blade so you dont stab or gouge yourself. normal mach 3 razors have these too hehehe. only they are made of plastic or a gay “lubricating strip.”

its ridiculous how much i like this stupid RAZOR hahahaha. i mean i have been thinking of getting one for MONTHS and now that i went and got one i am very very very happy with it hehehe. i cant explain it but I am thankful for it. will bask in the good vibes hahaha. so if you have something like this, something simple and not horribly expensive, then Treat Yourself to a little present. note i am not talking about big ticket purchases. dont spend money you dont have on a CAR or buy a 5000 dollar TV, TVs are almost always a bad idea, plus TV is degen jooish poison. clothes can be nice, but a lot of clothes are SUPER overpriced. hard to find a good deal on good clothes. just go to walmart.

also this final fantasy 6 game is sucking me in more and more. using a walkthrough to help me hahahaha

http://www.gamefaqs.com/snes/554041-final-fantasy-iii/faqs/73586?single=1

now this guy is autistic. well thats not fair to say. he writes with pure luv for the game.

nov 27

yep interview early tomorrow morning. dont even want the job. if on a 1/28 chance  (3.5%) i am offered the job, i prob WOULDNT take it, even though it is full time.

because its much further away, the pay is prob about the same per hour (11-12 an hour) and theres no benefits and no guarantee of hours. plus i sort of know the people in the “new job” i am going to and the ones i dont really know seem nice, plus i like the relaxed pace of the whole organization hahaha.

hmmm yep i am officially on board this damn ff6. might as well enjoy it. be thankful for it. use it to distract myself from negative thoughts of how all women are evil whores and how i will never make more than 13k a year and never become a husband and father hahahahhaa.

nov 27

was so in luv with new chinee van der hagen razor i used it again today with fresh barbasol shaving cream. i dont know how long the blades last. avoiding preparing for stupid interview at 830 am tomorrow, monday. got to get up at 545 am noooooo. also want to do 2 errands in addition to that.

hey shit why should they tell me the job only pays 11 dollars an hour. why tell me ANYTHING. just let me dig and show intiative by trying to find out. heh. referring to job int tomorrow morning. 830 am. get up at 530 hahaha. prepped for interview a bit. printed out shit. found out awards the hospital won, some basic info, 2015 revenue, number of employees, ceo name, oh i see you have gotten a new supply chain director can you tell me how that will impact the procurement in this department, when the average employee in the department is a GED black who gets hired without knowing what the word procurement means hahahahaha.  not that i really know what it means. it related to buying and purchasing.

i dunno. normies arent stupid but they arent hella smart either. they arent constantly SELLING shit and EXPLAINING shit and having to CHARM and SELL and CONVINCE and ARGUE like a goddamn snake oil salesman 24 7. theyre just not that CHARMING. shit at this point, I am more charming than them.

so many average, perfectly average, 100 IQ, 90 IQ people have adult jobs and make 26k a year and have houses and gfs and wives and children and families.

well we already determined i only have 105 IQ, so im not as smart as i think i am. i am not an intellectual. but i am not a doer or a man of action either! usually when you are dumber like this, you have more courage, more energy, less anxiety, are happier, a better worker, not as neurotic. so i got the worst of both worlds. super intelligent, 130 IQ people might be anxious and cowardly, but they can usually make like 50k a year with their Big Brains On Bret.

nov 28

sheeeeet got up at 530, interview at 830, it went ok, i sorta sailed through it, they wanted to move quickly i sensed, but they were nice about it. i mean even if they offer the job i will refuse it hahahaha. there was a very pretty 25 year old HR gurl, surprised I didnt lose my shit there.

i reined myself in from giving super long rambling answers. just kept it short. showed that i learned about the company, rattled off a few figures and numbers and awards.

i would be actually kinda pissed to actually get an offer here, like damn why could i perform well for this job but not one of the ones i REALLY wanted?

is it possible that i went down to a 32 waist? I mean its not unheard of. back in the day i used to be. a very very long time ago. i barely remember it. then i was like ahhhhhh 34 is much more comfortable. then it was hmm these 34s are getting a little snug, ahhhhhhhh this 36 is much better hahahahahahaha.

i was thinking that if you got a h00ker, she would PROBABLY know how to get you drvgs too. so are all h00kers drvg dealers? that seems a little much.  but i would def say that all h00kers KNOW drug dealers because all h00kers are drvg ADDICTS hahahahahahaha. so you could PROBABLY pay a hooker not only for secs, but for the service of Procurement of drvgs hahahaha.

maybe the h00ker has a medical MJ card. you pay the hooker to go to the dispensary and buy you whatever. you can even drive her there. i don’t know if you will be allowed to go in though.

sheeeeeeit this goddamn hospital job is contacting muh references. the one reference i am most friendly with just emailed me and forwarded me the think that the hospital emailed to them.

i quickly emailed back and said thank you thank you, well nows a good time to tell you, but i am coming back to your/our organization for muh new job, and would probably turn down this hospital job. it just figures THEY would check my references. and not any of the OTHER jobs I really wanted. anything to make MY decision harder. because i will be turning down an Essentially Full Time Job for a damn Part Time job.

took some nyquil and now it is kicking in hehe.

sheeeeit. then they will contact my OTHER reference, who actually works RIGHT NOW in the department I will be working in. worst case scenario they will tell the boss i am still out there interviewing and the boss will revoke muh offer, after i refuse the offer from the hospital hahahaha and then am back with no job, after getting offered 2 jobs hahahaha. when if i DIDNT have this skool job, THEN i would take the hospital offer.

this is classic negative thinking. most likely she will say nothing and i will mention it when i see her, like oh did the hospital call you, yeah that was an interview i had scheduled before i got this offer, but i didnt want to cancel the hospital interview, just so i could get more practice. i honestly didnt think they’d like me, i REALLY didnt think they’d call references, I REALLY REALLY REALLY didnt think theyd give me an offer. I did 27 interviews and only got 1 offer. its stupid that I do 28 interviews and get 2 offers. no gambler would gamble on those odds.  when you are used to interviewing and nothing happening as I am, you start to think interviews dont really matter.

unbelievable. 27 interviews to get one offer, then get a second offer on the 28th hahahaha. well thats not true. never forget that i was offered the post office job. city carrier assistant. but i turned that down because i was too big of a soft sissy pvssy hahahaha who wasnt willing to WORK HARD. but i dont tell anybody about this one, this is my big secret hahaha. because people would say WHY DIDNT YOU TAKE THAT JOB MONTHS AGO and i cant just say because mel carriere wrote some very persuasive articles on the internet hahaaha. they ARE very well writtten articles!

so am i making a HUGE MISTAKE by turning down this hospital job in favor of the skool job?

do i really think i made a HUGE MISTAKE turning down the post office job?

well not REALLY but i BARELY survived until I got another job offer.

if i had not gotten that skool job offer i would definitely not turn down the hospital job. which is nowhere near as scary as the post office job.

heh trying to download ff12 ps2 gaym. how fast or slow will this gaym play. if at all. that was a great game for a newer game. it really was.

maybe i made a big mistake by picking one job over the other.

hehehe. well at least they arent WOMEN. ill get over picking one job over the other hehe. but if i had to choose between two women……i mean shit. usually you dont have a CHOICE. you just get rejected and rejected. until the ONE time you get a YES……you get TWO yeses. JEEZUM CROW.

heh. wish i had just CANCELLED this interview the moment i got the other job offer hehehe.

i have known to be super regretful of mistakes i made, for years, of things i didnt do hahahahaha.

again. that is not regarding a job! i am not super regretful i didnt take the post office job. i am not super regretful i did not accept the americorps offer in 2006/7, even though that would have drastically changed my life, probably for the better.

do i regret taking the new job in late 2013? kind of, yes. i regret saying YES to that, more than i regret saying NO to other shit hahahaha.

so anyway this will basically be my time machine back to 2013. except i will be 3 years old. last 3 years, totally wasted hahahahaha. 1.5 years working horrible job, 1.5 years being horribly jobless. during that 3 years, i was Just Friends with That Woman for about 10 or 11 months, I was hopeless in luv for about 9 months, and then Heartbroken and Finished for like 16 months hahahahaha. out of those 36 months of stupid pointless abortive bullshit.

well at least i know not to leave my job for another job LIKE THAT. taught me a lesson about FIT. similar reason as to why i rejected the post office job.

that was a big problem. when i got the job in 2013, i didnt do ANY damn research on it. i didnt say, IS THIS A CALL CENTER? do i think it might be difficult workign in a call center?

well maybe i did, maybe i wanted to challenge myself, plus she will be there to help me.

i think i saw it as growing out of my comfort zone and challenging myself……which is GOOD. and it was GOOD to be able to meet that challenge. to prove it to myself.

so i did better than expected! I actually GREW and IMPROVED in life! GAINED SKILLS!

but then it all came crashing down later.

nov 29

i feel like a WOMAN, having big decisions to make and doing it all based on whimsical EMOTION hahaha. and makign big mistakes in the process: saying yes to the bad and saying no to the good hahahaha.

yeah but really. its not that cut and dry with this job situation. i am blowing it out of proportion. as i tend to do. its not like this skool job is a BAD thing. i just have to remember to not stay too long hahahaha. but i have a tendency to do that too. distract myself “TAKING CLASSES” that go nowhere and then BOOM 3 years gone.

so if i take classes again, take classes that DO go somewhere. ie a definite program with a definite certificate or end date.

again as muh DBT book would say, i am living in the future and not the present moment hahahaha.

using a TIME MACHINE to spend way too much time worrying about the FUTURE or regretting the PAST. yes i do both these things a lot.

i would say, dont worry about having huge regrets about jobs you didnt take. jobs are jobs. instead, have regrets about PEOPLE who you did wrong, left in the lurch, betrayed, cheated on, insulted, hurt, etc.

PEOPLE ARE MORE IMPORTANT THAN JOBS.

i might DISAPPOINT people but I never HURT people.

heh. i would rather people felt sorry for me than hate me. i dont want to hurt people or do them WRONG.

i never want to break a persons heart hahahaha. and i have succeeded in that goal.

i mean i guess i could have broken muh familys heart by being such a huge failure at life, but i dont think i did hahahaha. which i guess is good?

i couldnt imagine breaking somebodys heart! yet MOST women have broken SEVERAL hearts starting from a young age! if i HAD to break somebodys heart, i would damn sure do everything humanly possible to Soften The Blow. NOT do ABSOLUTELY NOTHING. I would made a DAMN good faith effort to Soften The Blow. Not Nothing. hehehehe.

once TRVMP gets in there and DRAINS THE SWAMP things are gonna be good hahahahhahaha.

make american great again, make women good again, make america huhwhyte again hahahaha.

so yeah women dont have a REAL appreciation of how babies are made hahaha.

was watching a clip of Teen Moms hahaha where the baby daddy was fighting with the baby momma about how she will Open Her Legs for Any Man, thats how [our baby] came about. Don’t you know thats how babies are made? do you want more babies? dont you RESPECT HOW BABIES ARE MADE? you dont have any respect for ME, you dont have any respect for how babies are made, yet you claim to luvvvvvvv our baby, how can I believe that after you threw me away and now you’re pregnant again by this thuggish guy you just met on tinder?

all very very good points hahahaha.

if you REALLY luv your little bundle of joy, DONT go around repeating the Life Creation Process that led to this special beautiful little person, with just ANY RANDOM MAN!!!!!! dont you see the disconnect there? choose a man who is as special as that little baby!

SHAME THESE SLUTS!!!!!

and i say all this because I worry that That Woman is going out and Enjoying Her Life meeting and Fooking men from Tinder.

but that’s her right!

YES, its her right, but that doesnt mean i have to LIKE it!

the related issue is that I dont WANT to care about this, i dont even want to THINK about this!

last night I had some kind of horrible terrifying nightmare while I was in the depths of a nyquil sleep, so it was very very hard to pull myself out of. but thankfully I cant remember any details of it because of the deep nyquil sleep. I also had a dream i remember a little better where i was being Bullied by my roommates, when they used to be nice to me. now they had done a 180 and it was very frustrating.

right after TRVMP won I think they tried to Tame His Twitter. but then soon after that, you could clearly tell which tweets he was writing, vs the softened ones his team was writing. i am glad he still writes his own controversial tweets.

did you know theres no label to click “starred” that lets you view all your gmail Starred emails, like there is with the “important” emails? theres really no difference between starred and important.  you can click on important and show important. but to show all starred, you have to type “is:starred”. this is very easy, and indeed you can just type “star” and it will give you the option is:starred, but its the principle of the matter. “starred” should be on that clickable list to the left.

on first day of job i will bring 1 dozen donuts. will also bring a large folgers coffee container and say this is for everybody, i know its pretty middle tier coffee but it is what it is, I’ll drink it at least. if they say they dont have a coffee maker, then i will buy a cheapo one for 20$ from walmart. if they say great we luv coffee and already have a coffee maker, i will assertively set up a rotation to buy coffee not greater in proportion than the amount of Community Coffee I consume hahahaha.

if they bitch at me for giving them free coffee thats not fancy enough, ill bantz them right back and be like, well pay me 30 dollars an hour like YOU make! as long as im buying the coffee, you drink 11 dollar an hour coffee like the plebs! you drink 13k a year coffee, not 60k a year coffee hahaha. you make 4 times more than i do, my coffee will be 4 times cheaper than yours.

well ok its crimmus, i’ll buy nice coffee just this once.

cuz i was thinking of treating myself by buying Fancy Organic Coffee for crimmus.

maybe I should buy a ton of pens, post it notes, and little notepads hahahahaha. and some Reams of Paper. so the department doesnt have to cut into their budget to buy Office Supplies hahahahaha.

THATS how you Bribe people ethically hahahaha. really ADD VALUE and SAVE MONEY. i mean teachers buy school supplies for their students. and stuff like kleenex because theres no room in the budget for stuff like that. because all the money goes to pensions of teachers who retired at age 50 hahahahahahaha.

now it takes till age 35 of subbing like a bitch before you can even GET a full time teaching job hahaha. gotta PAY YOUR DUES.

anyway. i touched on some VERY IMPORTANT ideas yesterday that I amazingly dont examine too much: that time in november & december 2013 when i left muh old job and started muh new job, a process which heavily involved That Woman and did not involve nearly as much deep careful thought as muh current job search.

now i DID manage to Grow and Improve beyond my Comfort Zone. but the downside i was in a much more stressful situation which also led me to have a Snapping Breakdown. i did learn legit good great things….but IT WASNT WORF IT. it was a net negative.

i Just Went With The Flow because it was EASY, I did have to do anything but go along with my female friend, who was essentially presenting this new job to me. I KNEW that I needed to move on from muh current job at the time, because it wasnt a real job, and i was getting complacent, i needed a Kick In The Pants, and I figured this was it.

But it WAS! I wasnt wrong about that. I JUST WISH I had tried harder to get Other Jobs Elsewhere. like i wasnt trying really hard at all. I didnt have a good Packet. I wasnt even really DOING a job search, just applying here and there, very few and far between.

i also didnt want to talk myself out of it, because I knew i NEEDED a kick in the pants.

so i guess i tried to be willfully ignorant of the idea that it was a Call Center, because I figured rightly that that would give me cold feet.

yeah i needed kick in the pants, yeah i needed to be pushed out of comfort zone, yeah i couldnt have known exactly how bad Call Centers Are….i dunno. this was a confusing time too. you dont know whether you should listen to your gut, because your gut has been wrong before, or at least not terribly RIGHT. your gut has kept you stuck in a rut.

so yeah i cant even say trust your gut. and i wish i could trust it! well i can trust it to keep me SAFE in the comfort zone. but it DOES keep me from taking the RISKS you need to take to change and grow. because those same risks can lead to pain and suffering and great great loss hahahaha. losing literally YEARS of your life.

shit if i had listened to my gut i would have saved three years of my life on this one hahahaha.

but at the time i figured i needed kick in the pants, and also that this was a sign from GOD that he put my female friend in my life to help get me a new job, which i really needed. and I really needed a female friend too!

too bad both things turned out to be really shitty hahahaha.  a real shit elephant.

no i am not butthurt at GOD, THAT much. although I do wonder WHY exactly did I HAVE to learn this stupid lesson? IT WASNT WORF IT.

(is this brad dourif on this old episode of tj hooker playing an absolutely insane demon possessed madman? is that literally the only role he ever plays? hahahaha. it kinda looks like him but im not sure its him. ok im thinking its not him. it just looks like him and is totally a character he would play. also now i am seeing that brad dourif sorta looks like stefan molyneux hahahahahaha. EPISODE#: 1.2 “The Streets” AIRDATE: 03.20.82   Gary Frank  as”Arlen Williams” ok case closed its not brad dourif. source http://www.tj-hooker.com/episodes/episodepages/1-2.html )

yeah the lesson wasnt WORF it. tell your female friends RIGHT AWAY when you fall in luv with them. dont ever take a job in a call center. i lost 3 fookin years of my life just to learn those lessons? WASNT WORF IT!

so yeah i dont REALLY REGRET taking that job, leaving my old job. I dont like throwing 3 years away for nothing, but I can also totally understand why I did what I did. It was a tough choice that could have gone either way, and i have very solid reasons for choosing what i did. I had no way of knowing it would turn out as bad as it did!

but yeah things would have been a lot better if i just stayed where i was hahahahahaha. great lesson. never take risks so you might grow, because you might also fall behind hahahaha.

so yeah. i guess it really wouldnt pay off to examine this period of time. because it would have been NICE if i had acted differently, but i can TOTALLY see why i did what i did, and i dont REALLY regret it, but I am kinda regretful of the Possible Brighter Future I could have had, if i stayed. but i dont know that! maybe horrible shit would have happened then!

like what? lose muh job and lose muh luv? I just cant see things happening nearly as bad. I prob would have grown apart naturally from That Woman and NEVER fallen in luv with her. Or maybe I would have realized at that time that i was in luv with her. but at least i wouldnt be working with her at a godawful ticking time bomb of a job! and she prob would have rejected me nicer! and i would still have an easy job to work at!

so yeah, i dont think things could have gotten worse, unless i started drinking again and stalked her or something. but if i didnt do that NOW, when things were horrible, i wouldnt do them THEN, when things would have been a lot better.

so yeah, i pretty much DO know that things would have been better hahahahahaha.

but i also had no way of knowing things would turn out THIS bad. i didnt think they would!!!!!

so yeah a bit of a nagging feeling, but not quite a Big Life Regret, that if i had stayed, muh life would have been a lot better hahaha.  in terms of not Incurring Yuge Pain and Prolonged Suffering hahahaha.

i mean i DID grow in important ways. i learned how to deal with people better. well, in terms of handling ridiculous situations and bullshitting with customers who needed to be CONVINCED of shit. was not good at dealing with Women hhehehehe. or Stressful Situations hahaha. but some things i did get better at dealing with. and I also got a LOT better at Job Searching and Interviewing!!! that might not have been worth it, but it WAS very valuable.

i uhhh also lost a LOT of weight, like 20% of muh body weight, so that is kinda a big deal. nothing to sneeze at.

became a job searching, interviewing machine, taking rejection after rejection after rejection after rejection after rejection after rejection after rejection after rejection after rejection after rejection after rejection after rejection after rejection after rejection after rejection after rejection after rejection after rejection after rejection after rejection after rejection for months and months and months. It was starting to get pretty discouraging though!

hehehe. my nice reference who emailed me yesterday with what they wrote to the hospital, i thanked them immediately of course, AND THEN I TOOK a few choice sentences that they wrote yesterday, AND ADDED THEM INTO the recommendation letter that they wrote for me over 3 years ago which I use today in The Packet. Making that recommendation letter even MORE glowing.

if you have the chance to do that, do that. its kinda dishonest but I KNOW the person would not mind. I am not putting words in their mouth, simply taking two things they said at two different times, for the same purpose, and combining them into one letter.

HOW TO JOB SEARCH

Nov 19 2016

so when i need to start doing it again in no longer than 9 months, i can jump right back into it.

– uhhh go to indeed and change all the best alerts to “daily” and or unpause them. i dont think i really DELETED anything.
– use The Packet but make sure res, CL, are updated with New Experience. IDEALLY would have some new reference letters and reference phone numbers as well.
– update linkedin
– update indeedresume
– get some new people to write LINKEDIN recs, ie that get posted on linkedin site
– use the jop app minutes spreadsheet which captures all the important information.
– early apps might take longer because they involve rewriting documents and stuff. thats ok, count those minutes, and then the average will come down in the long run to like 14 minutes.
– its ok to take longer than 14 minutes to make a really good application
– put all the stuff called for in the spreadsheet
– study cases and calls at new job
– WRITE DOWN WORK STORIES THE DAY THAT THEY HAPPEN
– have a book of the Top Ten Work Stories
– can embellish or change those to make myself into the hero. important thing is that i write them down as soon as they happen, and make them as DETAILED as possible.
– 14 words hahahaha
– have To Do Jobs Bookmark Folder
– RENAME bookmarks as you set them, with “cl 11/20, 26k, any other info that doesnt appear in actual title”. this way you can easily see and arrange the bookmarks in order of date they close. if no date given, assume 7 days. or earlier, depending on how desireable the job seems. at some point every day or few days, arrange the new bookmarks into order.
– move completed bookmarks to COMPLETED folder. folders of bookmarks is the idea here. very powerful.
– then have easy links to job postings can put in job apps spreadsheet
– when in doubt, add a bookmark, dont HAVE to apply for it.
– set DAILY alerts on indeed for top companies, so can get emails as SOON as they are posted

yeah i mean The Packet is about as sophisticated and powerful as its gonna get. just never delete all copies of it. hahahaha. look for most recent version in google drive / job work related. hard to miss. then update it.

the getting detailed AND epic AND heroic WORK STORIES is the other very important thing to remember. write them down the day of, get as many little details as possible, can always edit later.

WRITE DOWN WORK STORIES ASAP
WORK STORIES
WORK STORIES
DETAILS DETAILS DETAILS
EPIC HEROIC MIRACULOUS.

Im not sure I shared this thing with yall yet. this was an evernote note I wrote for myself so that I wouldnt forget how to job search, for when I NEED to push myself to start job searching again in 6 to 9 months. wrote it shortly after I got The Offer and put muh job search on Pause. anyway there is some good stuff in there.

IF MEN HAD AS MANY FEMALE FRIENDS AS WOMEN HAD MALE FRIENDS, WOMEN WOULD BE EVEN MORE JEALOUS THAN MEN

dfgsdhdfgn

oct 1

so manlet woes has done his first major semipublic speech at this dutch erkenbrand conference in setp 2016, well done lad. i remember when he was just a despairing neet making black pill vidyas a few years ago, now he is kind of a leader talking to rooms of people and people paying him thousands of dollars to fly to the US and make speeches here that I will not be at hahahahahaha.

i was wondering if he would wear a suit but he just wore a black shirt which is pretty nice. i know dressing like a neet slob is his   A E S T H E T I C   but he really deserves better and it shouldnt be his aesthetic. but you can really easily slip into dressing like a slob when you havent had a job or a woman in YEARS hahahaha.

well i guess now he has a woman and what he does is kinda like a job, so yeah he SHOULD have more confidence because of that and dress better. i know i would hahahaha. anyway i hope he is with a decent woman who is at least a 7 and wont dump him.

on /r/relships there are a ton of things where there is a woman whose “BEST FRIEND” is a man or vice versa. bonus points if they once dated and or fooked or were/are FWB. and then the woman writes in bitching that her BF is jealous of her “BEST FRIEND” who is a man, who she once fooked, and its the BF’s fault for being controlling and insecure and immature and having jealousy issues, dump him now and find a more mature man.

had a dream with HER in it. i was hanging out with her i think in a group of people and she was being kinda bitchy to me, and I was passive aggressively talking to her like, remember when we used to be better friends than this, we used to be closer, you used to be nicer to me, what happened, why dont you ever want to hang out with me any more, and she was just being bitchy, like well im busy and youre annoying. be cooler and maybe id want to hang out with you more. but youre not cool enough to hang out with me one on one.

basically just acting like a random B rather than someone i was Actual Literal friends with. but those days are gone. LONG GONE. yet i still have the occasional dream. not too often thank god.

and yes you SHOULD be suspicious when a woman has a lot of male friends. even a bit JEALOUS if your GF has many male friends. how do you think SHE would feel if you YOU had MANY female friends?? just a little bit jealous!!!!!!

but just because its so much more common for women to have lots of male friends, than for men to have lots of female friends, the women think its just normal to have lots of male friends. when instead they should be asking themselves, hmm, why dont men have lots of female friends?  and how would i feel if the guys i dated had many female friends, the way i have tons of male friends?

i believe you would see a lot of jealousy from the women then, but you just dont see it now, because men just dont HAVE a lot of female friends for the women to be jealous of!

IF MEN HAD AS MANY FEMALE FRIENDS AS WOMEN HAD MALE FRIENDS, WOMEN WOULD BE EVEN MORE JEALOUS THAN MEN.

another simple truth women just dont understand and which even sounds profound to me, because the simple truth doesnt get stated nearly as much as it should. so we forget simple truths.

heh some people it takes half the time to get over it, ive seen some say it takes the SAME amount of time to get over, i would probably be closer to that. or how about 75%. yeah. cuz the first few months dont really “count.”

so, i had rounded 2.7 years up to 3 years and was saying 1.5 years, which puts me at feb 14 or so (hehehehehe how fitting) but… ok 75% of 2.7 years is 2.025 years. lets just say 2 years. which makes new dday mid july 2017. ok thats fine too.

HERES THE THING hehehehe channeling k1ke enoch. heres the thing. i wouldnt hate women so much if they did a similar thing, go no contact and just Stop Dating for Two Years. but they DONT. they are dating and FOOKING a new guy within two months MAX, even though it really DOES take them two years to get over the previous guy.

THEY FOOK AND DATE OTHER GUYS WHILE THEY ARE GETTING OVER PREVIOUS GUYS. THIS IS SHAMEFUL AND DISGUSTING. DONT DO IT. THIS IS WHY MEN DONT LIKE YOU HAHAHAHAHA.

just be ALONE. DONT TAKE DICKS. DONT DATE. DONT DATE OR FOOK for at LEAST a YEAR. then I would have a LOTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTT more respect for women. i dont want to date or fook women while IM getting over a previous woman. why do YOU have to FOOK men while you are getting over your previous man, ya dumb wh0re?!?!?!?!?!?!?! I accept being single and celibate for TWO YEARS!!!!! however long it takes to TRULY get over the person!

btiches on reddit think everything is abuse, and women not crazy enough to use reddit need to be abused in order to make them stay with you! you cant win! hahahaha.

basically i am wndering if reading /r/relships is TOXIC to me because its so toxic with stupid crazy women with their stupid crazy opinions.

well, the opinions themselves can actually be good: “why dont you try communicating with her like a grown adult and clearly addressing the issue.”  women SAYING this. but i’m pretty sure this doesnt really WORK with women, so if you DO it, youre screwed.

i dunno. maybe it does work with some women.

but i hate how women get a pass to be immature, and oh she cant communicate because shes ONLY 25 and shes ONLY been wth 20 guys and had 5 serious boifrans. you need to be 30 years old, been with 50 guys, and had 10 serious bfs before you know how to communicate like an adult.

NO YOU DONT!!!!!!!!!!!

 

 

25 year old slut hates 28 virgin male, wants to dump him for being awkward with secs. women HATE male virgins. just tell bitches that you dont even know how many bitches youve banged. you lost count at 50 or 60.

dump him because hes a virgin and hes never watched porn. what a fooking bitch. critiquing every little thing he does. disgusting. she has NO respect for him whatsoever and thinks its ok to demonstrate that publicly. holy shit. he should dump the fook out of her.

she was so shocked and offended that he was NERVOUS and AWKWARD with secs and was awkawrd about putting on a con-dom. sheeeeit IM NOT A VIRGIN (hehehehe) and I would STILL be nervous and awkward about this because i havent had secs with a woman in 12 years. i think even if its only been 2 or 3 years you will still be awakwrd.

she is obviously WAY too comfortable with casual secs and he needs to get with less of a god damn whore. why doesnt he get with a nice mormon girl, it sounds like he is a mormon, and the OP is WAY too sex positive. sex positive is BAD. negative.

one good commenter says she is showing a huge lack of empathy for him. i agree. women have no empathy for men. men generally have more empathy than women. everything women can do, men can do better, include raise children, and except actually getting preggers and making babies. artificial wombs and sexbots and mgtow all the way hahahahaha we just dont NEED women for ANYTHING!@!!!!!!!!

this successful, decent, well-adjusted, good husband and father material virgin man DEFINITELY deserves a better woman for his First Lover, than this obnoxious slut. so sad. he is a succesful attorney making a lot of money and she STILL doesnt respect him because hes a virgin and puts on a condom weird. RUN from this skank.

if youre polyamorous (woman of course) and calling this poor guy your “side piece”, that is incredibly dehumanizing and disrespectful. “side piece” means some piece of trash that you are cheating with. you just can reappropriate that term because you are a poly slut. god damn i hate poly people hehehehe especially the women.

yeah i really gotta stop reading it. the women there are so bad. they are turning me into a woman hater. the WORST women gravitate to reddit. definitely getting a skewed sample there. and 80% of the people THERE are women. the worlds worst women. they’re not sending their best. so, i gotta find a place with more MEN, and where more of the women are decent.

i am getting a negative view of women by reading REDDIT.

also it doesnt help that WOMEN are more likely than MEN to be interested in and talk about relships. and its kinda weird for me, as a man, to be obsessed with the topic. men should have manly interests.

well i dont apologize for being interested in relships. suck muh dick.

http://www.loveshack.org/forums/breaking-up-reconciliation-coping/coping/571382-haven-t-dated-decade-28-virgin-consdering-suicide

hehehehheeh going to loveshack. i HOPE they have better women, and more men.

its OK if things run their course. its OK if they fall out of love and dont want to work on the Dead Shark any more. but treat that damn dead shark with some dignity and try to minimise their pain when you leave.

http://www.loveshack.org/forums/breaking-up-reconciliation-coping/breaks-breaking-up/597124-do-all-dumpers-come-back-eventually-feel-regret

i was at church and saw a white family i had never seen before with 3 beautiful white teenage girls and i thought O MUH LAWD. one girl was was wearing a large ugly sweater which covered her tiny bottom, and she had her long hair done in two braids like some fookin aryan goddess in the wheat field. she was so qt and adorable i couldnt even think secsual thoughts. well, i COULD, but they were Couched in protective, loving feels. sort of like how a good father loves his daughter. and this is what women cant udnerstand about how men luv women. they think men just want to pump and dump women. WRONG. just the men THEY have been with. but at least half of men have good will and have this BEAUTIFUL love for a woman, KIND of like a father loves his daughter, but there is also a secsual component there.

maybe MEN dont understand the way WOMEN luv men?

well i think ideally we come back to the father daughter comparison. just like a good daughter is always loyal and loving to her father, same with the wife to her husband.

http://www.loveshack.org/forums/breaking-up-reconciliation-coping/second-chances/310401-why-dumpers-eventually-want-reconcile-why-dumpees-eventually-don-t

unrelated hehehehe

well if she came “crawling back” to me, i would absolutely take her back, if she had been with less than 5 guys in the meantime, and didnt have any kids. those things would give me pause.

IF MEN HAD AS MANY FEMALE FRIENDS AS WOMEN HAD MALE FRIENDS, WOMEN WOULD BE EVEN MORE JEALOUS THAN MEN.

let that sink in, WOMEN hehehehehe.

and men, for that matter. if men had that many women friends, women would be INSECURE AF. even more than they accuse the men of being.

http://www.loveshack.org/forums/breaking-up-reconciliation-coping/second-chances/421931-when-if-ever-does-dumper-truly-miss-dumpee-why

also i want to use MJ just because i think it would help me continue to get over her. i mean its just gonna take TIME (1.5 to 2 years) and that is kinda like chronic pain that you just have to suffer through for 2 years, which is long time. and MJ helps take the edge off of chronic longterm pain. and helps you sleep. helps pass the time.

http://evalion.org/

i guess i am sorta glad to see evalion back in action, but i just really want her to not do degenerate shit in her personal life, like take noodz and attention whore for orbiters. but i agree she is a fairly effective voice for pro-whites. im not going to CUCK for her as some perfect aryan princess though. i mean she’d really have to make a serious EFFORT if she wanted to convince me to be her man hahahaha.

 

yeah i mean i dont really trust HER because shes a WOMAN and i dont trust or like women, but i do generally like her content and i believe she is sincere until shes not hahahaha. i mean maybe she can help turn other women. but do women really listen to women more than men? are women really GOOD at anything other than making babies? well, they are good at getting attention, thats for sure. which, in evalions case, means getting shut down quickly. which is wrong. she shouldnt be shut down.

i guess my concern is, are all the new people she is reaching, will they be around in 1 or 2 years, or will they listen to anything any qt gurl says???

thing is, theres plenty of qt leftist gurls making videos about why being an antiwhite is kewl…..right?

also i think pathetic virgin guys are probably sick and tired of feminists and that could be their gateway to the right. they wont beleive feminism even if a qt young gurl says it. so when a qt young gurl talks abotu anti feminism and pro white ring wing stuff, they get into it.

we need more strong, successful, powerful men in the alt right. 25 year old men who are doing well in their careers, making 100 grand, just decent boyscout eagle scout white men who are prob politically moderate or apolitical, and are just boyscouts making good money, get them to start to care about their whiteness.  we dont need losers and neets who watch girls on youtube. we dont need people like me hahahahaha.

i mean for 50 years the pro white right has has no shortage of misfits and weirdos and creeps and felons and neets and just total fookin losers. drunks and druggies who get 1488 swastikas tattooed on their face. people who think effective political action is getting drunk and doing lone wolf attacks against nonwhites.

we NEED successful, respected people. managers and successful, respected white men with good careers, wives, and children. something i would LOVE to be but probably never will.

this is why i dont go to real life alt right meetups, this is why i dont actively search for women. because i realize my lack of value as a huge loser in life with nothing to bring to the table for real people hahahahaha.

like when i became friends with that woman, and later fell in luv with her, i was not on okcupid looking for women to date. i knew my mate value was so low that i had no chance. i had voluntarily taken myself off the market and was not even trying. it sucked that i even knew a woman i could possibly get feelings for. well at least now i dont have that problem. and my mate value is even LOWER than it was then, hehehehehe. making 10 dollars an hour at a part time job. i knew i couldnt get a woman with that! well now i make 0 dollars at 0 hours a week! at least then i had a job I had stayed at for 5 years without going crazy at all! i was in NO danger of Panicquitting that job! i was just coasting along and then one day i met HER. if i had never met HER i never would have become friends with her, would have never gotten that new terrible job, would have never gotten feelings for her, would have never gone crazy, and would have never hit muh Lowest Point Ever. I probably would have still be Coasting at that awesome, but unresepectable, job.

that would have been shameful but not nearly as shameful and pathetic as what I am in now.

also when you have a female friend its a LOT easier to not be a woman hater. because you can always look to your female friend and be like SEE? nothing wrong with HER, and we get along just fine. not all women are horrible. not all women want nothing to do with me. i am a normie man and am capable of getting along with women. it kind of “anchors” you. and without that, you can go off the deep end! and that is where i am right now.

so yeah basically when i get hateful or annoyed at women, like That Woman or these awful reddit women, I just need to:

  1. think of this one real life woman I know who I am really only minor acquaintances with but she is a good person and not a whore
  2. think of ANN COULTER, who might be the best real life woman ever.

yeah i know “St Anne” is a dirty mudshark and degenerate and only crazy women are POLITICAL and she is grossly anorexic…..but it is hard as a right wing person not to like her. i like to think if i were dating her she would dump me in a mature manner, hehehehe.

she would say, im sorry, but i just cant commit to you right now, i dont want to put in the effort, i cant do it, im sorry to disappoint you, youre a good person and you’ll find somebody who is able to give you what you deserve, but it aint me, im sorry. i totally understand if you block me and go no contact because im mature enough to understand that its hard to be just friends when you get dumped, and i am trying to be a good dumper here and appreciate your pain as the dumpee. sincerely, st anorexic anne the mudshark hahahahaha.

no i give a pass to ann to be political, to be a mudshark, to not have children, to be a catlady, because her content is SO GOOD hahahaha. i bet she is Joo-wise too, she has come close to saying some joo-wise things. which is REALLY impressive given her stature. i luv ann.

anxiety might be my bigger problem than despair, i think constant anxiety is the root cause of the despair because the anxiety kept me from doing anything: jobs, women, taking chances and risks, taking action.

well i do go to as many interviews as i can. its not like i skip the interviews………….which many people with anxiety DO!!!!!!

i just cant get the job and i am constantly anxious over Whats Gonna Happen on the job. but I am actually fairly confident I CAN eventually get a shitty anxiety provoking job after going through like 30 interviews.

 

COMMON COURTESY IS A REASONABLE EXPECTATION

sept 14

i dont WANT an EXPLANATION of WHY, I already know WHY, that’s nothing. I jsut wanted to be treated nicer, like a human being, like i mattered, like our Rel mattered, like it was an important rel between two human beings. sheeeeeit i already know WHY. the WHY is not important. I just wanted more kindness and gentleness and less ice coldness hahahaha. treat me and our Past Rel with DIGNITY.

i dont are about why. i already KNOW why. case closed. i just wanted to know what she was thinking regarding hurting me. did you really WANT to HURT me? and WHY was THAT?

other thing: besides being humiliated on a personal level, i felt humiliated on a woring level: i failed at this job, while she succeeded at the same job. She could handle it, I couldn’t. She’s moving up, I’m moving down. I cant handle REAL LIFE as good as her. She is a winner, i am a loser, and losers like me dont deserve to associate with winners like her. and maybe thats why she rejected me so brutally on a personal level. because i was just inferior scum in every conceivable way. i was like the slimiest, most scheming little sleazy greasy joo to her.

and i think abotu how women Botch Relationships and Emotioanlly Overreact (I screwed up TOO but she screwed up WAY more), and I think, how the hell can women do JOBS and make 13 dollars an hour??? you need to make GOOD decisions! you need to have a record of excellence! you need to communicate clearly and decisively! women cant do this shit! they are like a 50 foot baby with a flamethrower! how can they be mature enough to handle a 13 an hour job, LET ALONE a 20 dollar an hour job??!?!?!?!!?!?!?!?

she never made flashcards! she never looked at old cases! she never studied when she went home! she never did homework! yet i failed and she succeeded! I wanted to know how shit worked, she just said idk lol! and got a man to help her! and she is the winner and i am the loser at life! FOOK THAT SHIT!!!! FOOK THIS GAY EARTH.mov

maybe i should embrace hating women like i embracing being a racist.

so i thought, well i dont even HATE other races, i just dont think races can coexist all that well. but women of my own race annoy the shit out of me just as much or even more than people of other races!

and this is not good, i thought. it jsut doesnt feel like something natural or sustainable the way being a racist feels pretty natural. i dont really WANT To hate women in other words.

also, for a man like me who wants so much to be a father and have children…..i dont think its a good idea for a Good Father to HATE WOMEN!!!!!!!

Good Fathers don’t hate women, they get along with women and teach their children how to get along with women!

so yeah in order to level up to pull good women, i need to learn how to deal with low level trash women on okcupid hahahaha.

i guess muh goals in life were never specific enough. find a nice gf. that became find a nice gf and make her muh waifu. as i got older. then that became have children with the waifu. and also get a 13 dollar an hour job with benefits and weekends off that doesnt drive me crazy. that is all.

maybe GOD is not calling me to be a father though. or even to be married. some people are called to be SINGLE 4 LYFE. Its just very weird though. cuz some of my biggest goals were to be married, have children. now GOD is telling me that i’m WRONG??!?!?! these arent horrible ungodly things! GOD LUVS marriage and family and so do I!!!!!!

but maybe  this is not what GOD has meant for me and my life. which is frustrating, because, like i just said, god LUVS marriage and family!

so i thought that well, maybe i’m supposed to be single and childless and I can still support marriage and family by…..doing marriage and family related work. it just seems frustrating though. that all these people can get married, have families and children, some of them are totally shitty too. and i’m meant to SUPPORT families, but i’m not allowed to have a family myself? it sounds CRUEL and SADISTIC!!!! like TORTURE!!!!! God doesnt just TEST us, he TORTURES us!!!!!!!! why the hell CANT I have a family?

well, besides I am totally not ready for it. but i really should be at this age. I mean realistically i have too many ISSUES to be a husband and father. unfortunately. but its the truth.

also, i want to know if i did something terrible, SO I DONT DO IT AGAIN IN THE FUTURE!!!!!!!

i dont want to fook things up this bad again!!!!!!

but again thats an unknown. most likely i didnt do anything horribly wrong, like lie or cheat where i really AM the bad guy at fault. sometimes that shit DOES happen. sometimes it IS your fault.  sometimes you ARE the bad guy.

it would have almost been better if she said YOUR THE BAD GUY, THIS IS ALL YOUR FAULT.

heh. maybe.

i hate making mistakes, but i might hate NOT KNOWING if i made a mistake or not even MORE!

i mean if i ever get feelings for a friend again, i WILL handle it differently, namely, tell them assertively and quickly.

oh yeah. when women think “ALL GUYS LOOK AT PORN.”

WRONG! so yeah that is triggering. they havent met me yet! I dont look at porn because it is jooish filth that ruins women and men! poisons the mind and soul!!!! i actively do NOT watch porno and can’t imagine wanting to watch it EVER AGAIN!!!!!! its DISGUSTING!!!!!!!!

applied for 5th job today. army related job. administering asvab tests hahahaha. 15 an hour. found out it was casual/intermittent, meaning no benefits. sheeeeeeeeeeeeeeit. thats the whole reason to get a fedgov job!

well i did not see that until i was 80% done with the grueling 16 minute application hahahaha.

NOTE: the first time you apply for a USAJOBS job, it will take MUCH longer to build your superresume, get all your shit together etc.

all guys do not look at porn, just the manly men you date hahahahaha

omega male sex negative neets think porn is disgusting degeneracy hahahahaha but we are invisible to women so…..

Women SHOULD be CAUTIOUS, they can get PREGNANT!!!!!

BE MORE CAUTIOUS! SHOW MORE CAUTION! DISCRETION!

how can someone with the maturity level of a CHILD make an ABOVE AVERAGE INCOME???? make WAY MORE THAN ME?

also it sucks when they are much more mature with other people, and super immature with you.

then you wonder, what did I do, so I don’t do it again!

but what you did was not super duper offensive, but just basic bitch communication mistakes.

besides, if you are doing something SUPER wrong, like lying or cheating…….you usually KNOW it, and you think, welp, I can GET AWAY with this, they’ll never find out. nothing like that here.

TEN dollar an hour job where posting calls for EIGHTY wpm typing. i have 60.

EIGHTY words a minute for TEN dollars an hour. 

wtf?

113 people applied, so i should apply too hehehehe.

i have a great SUPPORT SYSTEM, so why the hell am i so insecure and unstable and struggling and on the edge?

i have to remember, i dont hate all women. this woman i see at my weekly game, she is very nice and good and i like her and she doesnt annoy me. when i first met her, she kind of annoyed me a little but now i totally appreciate and like her. too bad i am not in luv with her hahahaha. i really didnt have any of that interest in her. not a slut either. darn near asexual which was starting to become weird…..but in the past few years she met a good decent man and they are getting married. pretty much a perfect situation there. he is pretty masculine and not a niceguy wimp pvssy like me, but i get the idea that he has morals and was not a degen womanizer at any point.

separate website for FBI jobs, they are not posted on USAJOBS………i dont think.

ok applied for gs05, 32k level job with air force. it specialist hahahahaha. now this is more like it. there are some fedgov bennies hahahaha. however no specific openings at my local air force base. might never be an opening hhehehe.

ok 6 jobs for today hehehe good enough.

well 7 would be better but i am getting back on the horse. i mean SHEEEEEEEIT, i might have to get to 600 jobs. at 600 i will start sucking dicks for recruiters until i become blacklisted by every recruiter in town. there are a lot of recruiters in town! sometimes it seems there are more recruiters than nonrecruiters hahahaha.

anyway im saying it would take MANY YEARS for me to burn through every recruiter in town.

but yeah it bothers me that a person can be more successful than me yet be a lot more immature than me…..and i am pretty immature.

also, i was the one putting myself out there. she wasnt really putting herself out there at all. she COULD HAVE. in the sense that it would have took some agency and initiative to Respond to the Request, and say Listen, I’m Not Interested, Let’s End this in a good way.

but no she just shut down entirely.

i did not shut down entirely regarding HER.

i did kinda shut down regarding my job and my life.

but its impossible to communicate or deal with a person who SHUTS DOWN.

basically, she shut down, I didnt. I was begging her not to shut down.

yeah, i shouldnt have BEGGED…….but jeez. if someone is begging you, just humor them. i dunno. ive never had anyone BEG me before. I imagine i would write them an email hahahahha.

SHE SHUT DOWN, I DIDNT.

you cant do anything with someone who shuts down. cant communicate, cant make the best of a bad situation. shutting down is abotu the worst communication there is. i did bad communication but not this bad. i didnt shut down.

how can SHE make more money than me and be more successful at life than me???!?!?!?!?!

and in relships too. she had a 4 year relship that could have resulted in marriage. i have never had a long term monog committed rel with a woman, ever.  that in itself is a damn red flag to women, and i have to damn lie about it essentially, or just avoid talking about it.

but i also feel like i havent been given a fair CHANCE. give me a CHANCE and dont GIVE UP and WALK OUT on me. im not THAT bad!!!!!!!! i honestly believe that! im not perfect but im not THAT bad!!!!!!!

i dont SHUT DOWN. I’ll write you a longass email before I shut down. Or leave you a 5 minute voice mail of me rambling. i will tell you whats on my mind in great detail!!!!!!!!! look at this blog!!!!!!

http://www.theabsolute.net/misogyny/onwomen.html

dont look for a redpilled woman, you wont find a decent one. just find a nice decent wholesome woman who has not taken too many dix and you can make her redpilled.

i have known this for a while, i am very comfortable being the red pill person hahahaha. just want a wholesome, moral, decent, nice, woman, thats all.

fook politics, fook redpills, fook race, fook music, fook taste, fook coolness. dont sweat the small stuff hehehe.

she will prove her race loyalty simply by not being interested in fooking nonwhites. and OF COURSE she WILL say something like “but Im not racist, i swear!” im not so autistic any more that I want a woman to say “yes Im proud to be a racist!” for a woman, thats just WEIRD!!!!!!!!!!! for a man, its pretty cool tho.

its very similar to when i was young, i thought it would be so cool to find a waifu who liked METAL. now im smart enough to know that would be a fooking clusterfook. it would be similar to find a full on 1488 waifu. they would prob be bipolar, borderline, and fooking ingras in 6 months.

note: i don’t think That Woman was Over the line crazy like that. she was acceptable levels of normie female crazy. she just greatly disappointed me is all. she is still way less evil than average. a good person who did something very disappointing to me. shit i would take her back in an instant hahahahaha.

i mean women are just not good at making real world judgments and doing things in the real world. yet they make shitloads more money at jobs in the real world. when they have no real SKILL in the real world! i mean when it comes to SERIOUS shit in the real world,  you’d be a fool to trust a woman! they jsut dont have it! and i dont say that to be mean! its just the way it is! its just not a good match for them! their skill set is elsewhere! namely, raising children. and heres the thing, that can of course be extremely compromised as well. in the current year. so many times it appears that many women are good for absolutely NOTHING.

i mean many women in the real world are literally good for absolutely nothing. its sad and horrifying and it didnt have to be that way.

and that woman, she was not one of those worthless women. like i say, i hurts a lot more to be rejected by the good, decent women. those are the ones that take longest to get over. because something of great value was lost. as opposed to something of no value. or negative value hahahaha.

i guess i should meditate on this real life woman i know who is not a piece of garbage, but actually a decent, good, wholesome, moral person. nope she is not redpilled, nope she is not politically minded, yes she likes the worst music and tv shows and movies ever.  but she has good morals, has lived according to those morals, and would make a good wife and mother. perfect. i am not attracted to her but i wish I were. well actually not, because she is getting married and good for them i say. its about time. really she’s getting married a little late at like age 29 or 30, but better late than never in her case.

so whenever i think of That Woman, i should replace her with thoughts of This Woman. Yes.

and i dont think even if you cut muh balls off it would even help. my secsual libido is not the problem. its loving people who are gone, unavailable, and never luved me.

ok want to get in at least 2 applications before my afternoon powerwalk hahaha.

ok got in 3 but they were so low energy. local shitty hospital using ultipro ATS. it kinda incentivizes low energy applications. 3 to 5 minutes each. can only have one resume/packet on there at a time. ideally this is ideal, and employers wouldnt care if you only took 3 minutes on an app vs 30 minutes. but of course they do. and if you spend only 3 minutes, you will get screened out.

yeah tv is really triggering. i usually have it on as background noise……..but i really SHOULDNT. this is not a value added strategy hahahaha.

got 3 apps in real quick. the jobs.com site said full time but 2 were ACTUALLY part time. i dont think this is intentional. i think it is just basic incompetence from whoever manages the jobs.com postings. basic bitch not knowing how to do your job so you just Fudge It and pretend like you know what youre doing…..even though you have no idea of best practices. this is very common. this is the norm hahahaha. norm 4 normies. normies gonna norm hahahahaha.

ok time for powerwalk.

ok did 4.18 mile pwalk. listened to azzmador talking with grandpa lampshades.

ok this isnt the exact one but i should listen to this one.

they are both total laid back southern gentlemen, i have difficulty telling them apart hahahaa except azzmador has a slightly deeper voice. but i love this laid back, polite, friendly, southern hospitality.

very j00 wise alt right type guys who each do their own podcasts but not on trs. but i am sure they approve of trs. they are not renegade tier or anything hahahahaha.

heh. if i am going to have children i cant afford, i might as well do that with some woman i am madly in luv with and would never want to leave hahahaha. of course she could veyr well want to leave me!

because honestly i cant EVER imagine being ABLE to afford children!

heh. i could probably smoke MJ all day, then take the next 2 days off, and then my system would be clear to pass a drugs test. thats pretty good right?

ok how about 3 days.

really the best think i can do is powerwalking hahaha. i wish i was as good about lifting. but powerwalking is my strength, muh skill set, and i want to be the best powerwalker i can be hahaha.

the other thing i naturally do is writing this trash……………… and tbh the powerwalking is a lot BETTER FOR ME.

the writing CAN be good SOMETIMES but it can EASILY go both ways.

the walking cannot. the walking is ALWAYS good. cant go wrong. win win.

these women are NIHILISTIC and SOCIOPATHIC. the horrible lives they lead. the empty, shallow relationships. the things they value. MORAL INVERSION. NIHILISTIC and SOCIOPATHIC. treating people like OBJECTS.

i have been antsy since not having an interview is a while. and i am at 18.5 and i need to get to at LEAST 25. meaning 19, 20, 21, 22, 23, and 24 are all gonna be worthless. other than getting me one closer to magic 25.

but 25 isnt magic! like i say, on the whole, i feel i do PRETTY GOOD on interviews! i mean i dont SLAM DUNK it, but i still feel i do well enough to get an offer before 25!

bridget jones baby? a 50 year old slut with tons of grotesque plastic surgery creating a miserable innocent life out of her 50 year old adolescent sluttery? absolutely disgusting! if i didnt have the tv on i would never have seen that bullshit movie commercial!

women cannot give good advice basically. if you ever need HELP with figuring something out, god forbid you go to a woman. they might mean well, but my god they cannot give good advice. they MIGHT mean well though. that does count for something. but dear god dont take their awful advice. what makes /r/relships so shitty is all the WOMEN chiming in with their shitty advice. i need a MEN ONLY forum. but not necessarily a MGTOW or got forbid GAME forum. but 99% of Men Only forums are going to be MGTOW, MRA, or Game.

well, not TRS though. but TRS doesn’t have a relationship section. but they should hahahahaha.

MAYBE I SHOULD START IT hahahahaha.

I think it would go over better than me starting a Neet Section.

but I DO like having a Neet Blog which is very Alt Right!

like women will tell you that college and career is more important than a rel, and encourage people to break up just because theyre YOUNG and those early relships NEVER work out, you have a chance for a great FUTURE by getting into a Top 50 school, so just break up with so and so even though u luv them. bullshit advice like that.

women are so BLUE PILL on things like college. they were encouraging another woman who had left a 45k a year job so she could go back to COLLEGE and become a TEACHER. holy SHIT.  thats exactly the kind of bad advice women give. because you’ll be so glad you got your teaching degree and now make 20k a year with part time sub jobs and no health care. babysitting feral black chirren.

https://bu.reddit.com/r/relationships/comments/52xouc/recently_my_girlfriend_20_f_and_i_19_m_of_25/

not a lot of commentary right now. but i want more people to say yeah she is really an ice cold bitch, not “it doesnt matter, youre not entitled to anything.” no, of course he’s not, but IT WOULD BE NICE if she could DIGNIFY A 3 YEAR RELSHIP by not meeting these sleazy new friends, staying up till 6 am, going on tinder right in front of him. show some COURTESY for the HEART you are breaking and the Long Term Relationship you are Single Handedly Ending, I would tell her.

dont tell him “its over, get over it.”

yes of COURSE he should go no contact but give him some moral support at least. damn. judge her behavior as shitty and sleazy!!!!!!! judge her as the bad guy here!!!!!! because she is!!!!!!!!!!!

now i dont talk too much shit about That Woman. Sometimes sure. but not overall. most of this is just me grieving and moaning and whining. but i can’t say what a shitty person she was…….because she wasnt. she was honestly a good decent wholesome person who just dropped the ball here and disappointed me greatly. but it wasnt because she was a shitty, horrible person. she just fight or flight and shut down. she could be a great wife and mother to a different man.

ok i turned off the tv and am listening to beethovens 1st symphony. not sure why. just wanted some classical music symphony fast. something that wasnt too jooish. and that is a symphony.

she doesnt NEED to consider your feelings. again, technically correct, but to tell the guy that…..that is weak womanly advice. no, she doesnt need to, but she SHOULD, after 2-3 YEARS, show him some god damn COMMON COURTESY.

COMMON COURTESY IS A REASONABLE EXPECTATION.

https://bu.reddit.com/r/relationships/comments/52wdvu/i_31m_am_having_an_extremely_hard_time_moving_on/

she wants to be just friends, he thinks he needs to go no contact and cant do just friends because she broke up with him and he still wants her. he sees her at bar, is drunk, gets emotional, now he’s the bad guy. come on. meanwhile she’s tweeting about fooking strangers off tinder. god damn. so he’s supposed to be cool with the love of his life dumping him and fooking randos. and hes the bad guy for getting upset once. come on.

COMMON COURTESY from the woman is a reasonable expectation. not tweeting about EVIL DEGENERATE NIHILISTIC SOCIOPATHIC casual secs and being a filthy, degenerate whore. he has every right to be upset. yes he should go no contact.

so yeah. whatever happened to common courtesy. human decency. early termination fee. treat the person youre dumping with respect and kindness because THIS HURTS THEM.

casual secs IS unqualifiably degenerate, and she wants to throw away something good and wholesome, to do degenerate filth. of course he has a right to be upset.

at the very least she shouldn’t be pushing him to be friends, to understand that he is hurt, and needs no contact.

what did SHE do when Chad dumped her? probably some really shameful things trying to get chad back! and then fooked a bunch of casuals when chad laughed in her face!

now she’s pissed at the guy SHE dumped because he’s having a hard time with it? what a fookin coont!!!!!

and when this bitch on reddit says yeah you did act like an asshole, he responded with yeah i know i feel so bad about it, i know i should apologize to her etc etc. i downvoted the bitch hahaha.

common courtesy. human decency. part of the social contract of having a relship is NOT BEING A PIECE OF SHIT WHEN YOU END THE REL.

HAVING THE RIGHT TO SINGLE HANDEDLY END THE REL SHOULD COME WITH THE RESPONSIBILITY OF NOT BEING A PIECE OF SHIT WHEN YOU END IT. 

so many women didnt get that memo. too immature.

and i dont care if i am making a should statement. THIS SHOULD BE A SHOULD STATEMENT!!!!!

STAND FOR SOMETHING OR YOU WILL FALL FOR ANYTHING.

STAND UP FOR WHATS RIGHT, GOOD, JUST, TRUE, AND BEAUTIFUL.

DONT BE A PIECE OF SHIT.

DONT BE A NIHILISTIC SOCIOPATH.

DONT BE A JOO.

now that is the type of lecturing i can support!

i would be a great lecturer. sermonizer.

oh but they broke up 4 months ago so everybody should be KEWL, thats plenty of time to get comfortable with the love of your life dumping you, without willing to work on it, and fook randoms, and youre the bad guy to get upset at that and not want to be her platonic friend and hear about her degen secs life. god damn fooking degenerates. i am this close to private messaging the guy and telling him he is totally in the right and not to listen to that bitch that said “he definitely fooked up”. fook that bitch!

RELATIONSHIP BILL OF RIGHTS AND RESPONSIBILITIES.

you HAVE to include the Ending Terms in their too.

THE ENDING IS PART OF THE RELATIONSHIP.

so yeah it IS her concern, it IS her business. if she can end it on her whim, then she has to put forth good faith, good will, and effort to do the WORK necessary to end it at her whim. and that involves human decency, common courtesy, and not being a piece of shit. wow. i guess if you ask for that, then you are the bad guy.

you’re the bad guy if you think casual secs is degenerate and bad and a terrible way to finish off a beautiful LTR.

cuz its all the same, theres no good or bad or right or wrong.

and this is 30 year old people with professional careers, level 2 and above making 60k a year, saying all this disgusting shit.

FOOK THIS GAY EARTH!

and she has NO IDEA why the guy is upset! unbelievable! a 29 year old woman with the maturity of a 12 year old and she makes more money than i ever will!!!! unbelieveable!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!11

TREAT PEOPLE THE WAY YOU WANT TO BE TREATED!!!

DUMP PEOPLE THE WAY YOU WANT TO BE DUMPED!!!!!

how can all these WOMEN not even BEGIN to understand that????!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!

no not all women. but a good 50% of them hahahahaha.

half of them are in this basket of deplorables hahahahahaha

its amazing you have to shout these Things I Learned In Kindergarten to Grown Fooking Women.

well remember its not all women. only HALF of women, hahaha.

oh but the ending isnt part of the relationship, these sneaky little j’s claim. i dont have ANY responsibilities the second i say “im done” and walk out.

that is an extremely JOOISH view of humanity and human relations. all these sneaky little loopholes, just like a joo trying to joo you out of service. sorry goy thats not in the contract. here’s the thing, there is no real contract. no exchanges, no refunds, no service, thanks for the money, chump!

theyve turned our women into sneaky little joos!!!!!!

i dont want to talk to women, i dont want to read womens stupid thoughts. the only time i will listen to a woman is if she is being NICE and PLEASANT. women CAN be good at that when they want to be. having just utterly harmless, charming, nice small talk, just being damn NICE. its really not that hard. doesnt take a lot of effort, energy, or creativity. just be nice. dont be an annoying, unscrupulous joo.

sept 2016: i keep hearing hearsay that millennial woes got a ladyfriend and that it is makign him more confident and masculine. I HOPE SO!!! GOOD FOR YOU LAD!!!!!!

I luv MW but havent listened to him lately cuz i dont luv the hangouts. anyway i would be VERY happy if he got a nondegen waifu, he DESERVES a good waifu, and indeed it would help him become an even better man…..as waifus can potentially do. shit it would help ME!

sept 16

yeah so i dont care that mw had a gay past, except that it makes him kinda neurotic and despairing and has consequences for his current mental/emo health, but he can certainly mitigate those consequences, and i believe he has done that. now i just hope his gf isnt a degen bitch who dumps him and breaks his heart because that could really set him back. i know. hahahahaha. remember he also fell in luv with a WOMAN before and when she rejected him, that broke his heart for YEARS and that hurt him a LOT. ive been there hahahaha.

i mean yeah this is what i am obsessed with. muh white whale. muh wheelhouse. relships between men and women. period. that is what i should do my career in. period.

so funny. for most normies this is just an accepted part of life. you get a gf and bang and sometimes it works out and sometimes it doesnt, but you just keep going until at age 25 you find someone you could probably marry and then you marry them, have children, and maybe they divorce you in 5-10 years.

but theres no need to study and obsess and analyze because you know you have the tools to be in a serious LTR because you’ve been in them before or you’re in one now!

since i have never been, i just don’t know that i have the Tools. and that is part of my obsession, studying How Women Are, and How Men Are, and the nuts and bolts of communication, problem solving etc.

when REALLY, i probably ALREADY HAVE the Tools i need, i just havent found the right woman. who is willing to let me use those tools hahaha.  because they were never WILLING. they were not OPEN, they just wanted to WALK AWAY. because they Just Werent That Into Me. but it they WERE, then I would have the Tools and the Communication Skills to make it last at least a year!

but yeah these normie women are like ROBOTS. date a guy, fook him, fall in “luv”, get some abortions, fall out of luv, dump him, and IMMEDIATELY start the whole process again with a new guy. it sounds both EXHAUSTING and DISGUSTING. how can you do that? how can people be so interchangeable to you? how can this “closeness” be so casual and meaningless????!!?!?! its NIHILISTIC AND SOCIOPATHIC!!!! and exhausting and disgusting hahaha and grotesque and horrifying, very blackpill.

but maybe IM the fooked up one because i take this shit too SERIOUSLY!!!!! and when i get heartbroken it takes TWO YEARS to get over them! whereas with NORMIES it takes 2 months before they are fooking other degens!

hehehehe i luv muh waifus literally TWELVE TIMES more than normie degen women luv their men!!!!!

but yeah it makes me think that normie degens incl half of women just dont Luv People the same way I do. or at least at much less of an intensity. And when the difference in Degree is Twelvefold, it may as well be a difference in Kind!!!! a different kind of luv!!!!!!!!

and how do you have a real sustainable LTR when you luv them TWELVE TIMES more than they luv you??!?!?!

that gives them absolute power over you and spells IMMINENT DOOM for the rel. period. they WILL leave you and you WILL be devastated for the next 2 years. what a terrible way to LIVE hahahaha.

basically i need to find another WEIRDO whos luv meter is turned way up to 12 in order to have a lasting thing where i dont get dumped because a huge interest mismatch!!!!

heh all this is not productive writing at all. it is pretty much a nonstop circle of Negative Thoughts. and i need to Rip Out negative thoughts and replace them with positive thoughts, by any means necessary.

even at the expense of Truth!

like how i should replace all thoughts of That Woman with This Other Woman I know who is very very nice and wholesome and is getting married soon. just cut and paste. i should also cut and paste with some sort of positive replacement to the negative thoughts that FILL this blog.

powerwalking is good.

well, not ALL of this post is bad!

WHEN I AM MAKING SERMONIZING STATEMENTS LIKE THIS, those are usually pretty good. even the righteous anger ones. there is nothing inherently negative about righteous anger!

despair, however, yes. that is INHERENTLY BAD.

righteous anger good. despair bad.

so, when i am going into despair or other negative realm, then switch it with something positive: thinking of this wholesome woman, statements of righteous anger, powerwalking, or something productive like Job Searching. cranking out the Apps. getting closer to 500-600. how about 550 hahahahahaha.

job apps themselves cause both righteous anger (good) and despair (bad.) i guess the solution there is, once again, maximize the good and minimize the bad.

turn the brain from a negative thought machine, to a negative thought killing machine!!!!!

so here is a remaster of ulvers classic nattens madrigal. i dont usually like remasters and i dont have anything against the intentionally raw production of the original, which is really not that bad………BUT my concern is literally for hearing and ear health. you could literally damage your hearing with this album, even though it is actually very clear in terms of being able to comprehend and ingest the music. and is quite listenable!

but that high end is just so maxed out that it hurts the ear. i feel this 2014 remaster might be a bit more forgiving while jsut as listenable.

its also got demo versions of some of the tracks which is great. the demos sound great EXCEPT they dont have any vocals, and garm was truly a gifted BM singer.

it just sucks thinking that all of your life goals:  getting a good waifu, having children, and having a job to support that family that doesnt drive you to self-destructive madness, that all these goals are out of your reach. the best you can hope for is a 12 dollar an hour deadend job and then you get your outside-of-work satisfaction by smoking MJ, powerwalking, listening to podcasts and music, and dnating to 1488 causes. which are not bad things, well probably the MJ is, but you just cant stop thinking about the nice waifu and the family you want to have, but youre just too old and fooked up to be able to attain that.

ok stop those are despairing thoughts, lets replace them with righteous anger or job seraching or powerwalking or other positive thoughts or actions.

well i just came back from a 4.2 miles powewalk. listened to natt’s alcoholocaust ep 1 which wasnt as good as i expected. its just a mess and i cant even understand the bantz. i mean these are all good guys but still.

garm was 20 years old when they did nattens madrigal damn. now did he actually write the guitar riffs and such? i mean that is pretty important to me hahahaha. or was it that guy haavard who went on to do nothing special afterwards? i am sure garm knows how to handle a guitar, its really not hard, the important thing is having some sense of songwriting skill, which i never really had, and which i am sure he does.

ok i am gonna apply to this health system job, and while doing so, update my cover letter, which will add about 15 minutes or 10 to the apply time, but i have to measure this WORK somehow. because it is important, measureable, billable, measureable, timeable work that I am totally entitled to COUNT.

un fooking believeable. a super huge application, already at 45 minutes, longest ever, doing a phaggy ass personality test and intelligence test, when the internet goes out in the middle of the test. i am actually happy to do intelligence tests to prove that i am intelligent, and if it gives me like a 1 in 10 chance of getting an interview (as opposed to the usual 1 in 25 chance)….but god damn this is frustrating.

had to reboot compt to get internet connected again. i blame windows 10. 77 minutes total. a new record!

ok. assuming 15% of the job application time could be added to calculated how much time it takes to FIND the jobs (ie, going through lists, reading postings, and decided yes i should apply, vs, no way, dont even waste your time), in other words, about 2 minutes for every 13 minute application, ie 15 minutes total; and 1.5 hours spent on each interview (prob a little low tbh; we are including travel time, interview time, and im not sure about prep/study time), for 18.5 interviews, and 418 applications, we are up to  132 hours total for the entire job search. really a little LOW tbh fam. on $1716 worth of time at $13 an hor, although more realistically my price should be more like 12 an hour.

sorry i meant 419 jobs so far. please dont fire me.

so i was listening to the am grey podcast on feminism, and adams waifu said she was disturbed seeing a man and a woman holding hands where the womans hand was on top, and they used that as a powerful symbol that men are passive and not leading anymore.

i thought DAMN, the women I’ve been associated with would just DUMP ME before even GETTING to that point!!!!!

they wouldnt stick around long enough to LET that happen! they would have ALREADY dumped me for being a wimpy passive spineless doormat!

so why are these women not just walking out on these men? wouldn’t they get disgusted the first time they put their hand on top, and say, im done with you, you weak wimp?

that was what i was asking. i have been dumped for MUCH LESS. why are these women staying with these phaggots in the first place?

i cant even remember how i held hands with women, its been like 11 years since i held hands with a woman hahahaha.

saw a profile picture on soundcloud of somebody who photoshopped dat boi into the famous vietnam photo of the running people being napalmed and the little naked girl. dat boi had replaced the naked girl.

ok finally found it

2016-09-16_20h39_22

YOURE WELCOME hahahahaha

updated Standard Cover Letter with Sentence explaining Employment Gap. ok there. not much more I can do about that. But I think its a small, maybe larger than small, improvement on something that was already damn good and should be more than enough to get me a 13 an hour job.

ok i swear i wont go lower than 12 an hour hahahaha.  so i guess i am at 12-13 now depending on my mood hahahaha.

good thing SHE is making like 16 an hour!

but i dont know that!

but there’s a 75% chance she is!

ok so what does it MATTER then?

because like i said 100000000000000000 times, i dont like her BEATING me at the game of life!

why not?

because i hate her proving she is BETTER than me.  because it adds INSULT TO INJURY.

why?

because she injured me, now she is insulting me.

why?

see now we are getting into the circular part.

yeah i know THEORETICALLY it doesnt matter.

but IN THE REAL WORLD, it ABSOLUTELY DOES MATTER how much money people make, and how women view men who make less money than they do. they view them as totally worthless and inferior.

i dont view people in those terms. but im not a woman. im not PROGRAMMED to care about status in that way!

i mean as a male i do care about ranking and hierarchy………but not in that same visceral sexual or loving way. i know what peoples status is In The Real World, but I know it has no real bearing on their worth as a person.

but it has VERY REAL BEARING on their worth in the MATING MARKET!!!!!!!!1

and the mating market is VERY important to me because one of my MAIN LIFE GOALS is to find  a good wife and have CHILDREN!!!!!!!!

so thats WHY all this shit MATTERS so much!!!!!!!

i am apparently an abuser because i notice slutty behavior and call sluts sluts. thats what abusers do. nonabusers dont have the word slut in their vocabulary hahahaha.

GRADE 16A, SUMMER 4, GRADE 16B

june 28

grade 16 fall term, 20/21 yo

yep, my new social life was so exciting and dramatic, it was both real fun with some friends, smoking weed and hanging out and joking around and wathcing movies and vidya and walking around town, and real agony when dealing with girl1. i shirked the radio show, i shirked my skoolwork, i did not shirk my little job though, hehehe.

after the bad mush trip i began drinking a lot and not caring about my future. that was like mid to late october maybe?

in early november i dropped all muh classes like elliot rodger, and got four W’s on my permanent transcript. didn’t realize it at the time, but THAT really WAS the final irreversible nail in the coffin for Grad Skool . you might be able to explain 1 or 2 bad semesters (heh i had 3 bad semesters), but you cannot explain dropping out after the drop date and getting W’s.

but i def was not thinking straight. not at all.

i should have gone home right then and gotten committed to a mental hospital. i should have gone to a shrink EVERY DAY while on STRONG meds. i’m not sure if i would have been eligible to use the Univ Counseling Service, which i SHOULD have gone to every DAY since grade 13, when i first started having problems making friends and fitting in and not liking skool, before i had the probs wiht my roomate and w drinking.

but i stubbornly refused!

i hated skool but i liked having a lot of friends all of a sudden, and not to diss my other 2 friends, but these friends were more fun. plus i had never felt dem feelz for a gurl before. plus even though i would never pull gurl1, maybe i could at least lose muh V card with another cute girl.

so i stayed at College and Worked a Job while i was out of skool like a loser bum dropout. i lost my job with the college because i was no longer a student. i got a job somewhere through some of my new friends.

instead of getting psych help and life help, help from any responsible adult, i just smoked f00kloads of weed and hung out with my friends and was understandably looked down upon by some of the more responsible kids.

but i had a decent amount of friends too, and for the first time had a decent Social Life. I even became a bit of a Celebrity at the time, and people would write down the hilarious things i said into the House Scrapbook.

Too bad i couldn’t parlay that into Getting Laid, but I was THAT focused on Girl1, that i didn’t even TRY with other girls.

plus i had bigger things to worry about,like how i had just flushed my whole life and future down the crapper. but i didn’t think of that! and so i sought no help, smoked a ton of weed still, and just hung out like a burnout bum.

for second semester i remained out of skool and continued working. can’t say what the job was, too identifying, but it was not stressful. watched a lot of movies and connected real well with the guy whose wedding i went to this summer. we would play mario kart like a religion, and smoke weed.

the mario kart and the friendship and social stuff was good, but the smoking weed was NOT. i should have been talking to a shrink for help and guidance.

ironically, i HAD to go to counseling services to get a clearance to re-enroll for classes the next fall.

and so for the first time i went. when i should have gone there 4 years previously, and should have gone a LOT.

i told them i overcame my anxiety and depression by exercising a lot. BULLSH!T!

then SUmmer 4 started, when i should have been graduating. nope. had one more year to go.

Summer 4, age 21

Girl1 moved out which was good, didn’t get to see her as much, that was good.

I met Girl2 for the first time and we hit it off well. She was real cute, real young, still in high school hehehe. i had never gotten along so well with a gurl this cute. after i met her i couldn’t sleep and i walked around the WHOLE NIGHT around the neighborhoods until the SUN CAME UP just thinking WOW. SHE COULD BE THE ONE I’VE BEEN WAITING ALL THESE YEARS FOR. SHE MIGHT BE MY FIRST ACTUAL GURLFRAN. WOW.

about a week later i ended up banging her for the first time and kind of resentful that she was pushing me too fast.

(that was when I Lost my Kissless Virginity hehehe)

she was surprised that I was A Kissless virgin until age 21, when she at like age 18 had had several long term serious Boifrans. Oh Well I said. It’s Different For Men. and then made out with her some more.

This was near the very end of the summer. then

Grade 16, part 2

started. i swore that this was going to be a new leaf, i was NOT gonna let what happened last year happen this year. i was gonna be a good student. i was gonna get all a’s, not all c’s. i was gonna not skip a single class ever. i was gonna get up early saturday morning and study in the library like the good students.

i was gonna bust my hump to finally be a Good Student. I was gonna go to my prof’s office hours.  i was gonna graduate on a high point. maybe even try to make myself look presentable for graduate school. maybe try to do some research with a prof. not skip a single class. not smoke so much weed. never smoke weed before all the homework is finished.

also, near the end of that summer, there was A Dry Spell and nobody could get weed, and I was “forced” to “quit” weed for like a few months, which was the longest i had gone without for…..like 2 or 3 years. 3 years where my goddam brain was supposed to be developing, and poisoning it with weed and alcohol.