THE NEET CURE

dec 26 2016

welp the wholesome part of the holidays is over, now everyone is just gonna get drunk and fook like negros until they have to go back to Work on January 2 hahahahahahah.  and those are the lucky privileged people. More people will just continue to work as they do every other day. maybe struggle with drug and alcohol problems so they can keep their shitty jobs which make them work during the busiest time of the holidays, serving shitty customers. its enough to make a person want to abuse drugs and alcohol!

i think california getting legal MJ is a big deal, i mean its kinda surprising they didnt have it until now. maybe they needed smaller states like CO, WA, and OR to act as a pilot program before CA really threw open the gates.

i mean its possibly a bad thing, leading to an even more degenerate society. but one day it will make it 600000000000000000000 times easier for ME to obtain it. me me me me me. fook the greater good.

i think it should be legal, but SHAMED. i said earlier this might be impossible, but is it really? look at cigarettes and tobacco for example. those have been shamed pretty well. or have they? has that really worked in getting people to choose to buy/smoke less cigarettes? probably a little bit, and thats all that matters.

should you tax the shit out of MJ then? well, in that it might be an incentive for govt to legalize it, yes, but I have no faith that the tax money would be used for ANYTHING good. it would ALL be wasted on bullshit. i understand that. im just looking at the tax as purely an incentive for The Gummint to Legalize It.

and against i dont see this as some big crusade for justice, because it is a mixed bag. i’m not sure it…..well it probably SHOULD be legalized, but shamed as fook. shamed even more than cigarettes. which are currently more shamed than alcohol or porn.

but you can still get tobacco EVERYWHERE, and you have plenty of tobacco shops which themselves are not sleazy. well not all of them hahahaha.

i guess i would also take, instead of full legalization, then the state expanding its Qualifying Conditions for MMJ to Despair or Anxiety, hehehehe.

there already IS a NEET CURE, it’s called the MILITARY, thats ALWAYS been the NEET CURE. but I think this aspect has been played down in the past 20 years, and the military is pretending like they are moar selective, and they dont necessarily WANT neet losers. but they will prob take neet losers. provided you’re not too fat and provided you never took psych meds like prozac or paxil or citalopram hahahahahahahahahahahahahahaha.

george michael, dead of “heart failure.” well thanks that explains a lot hahahahahaha. i could have told you that. i guess thats better than cancer tho! but was it heart failure from, for EXAMPLE, mixing coke and pills and booze and painkillers and heroin and meth? that will cause heart failure for sure hahahaha. probably some MJ in there too hahahaha.

just waiting for another 20 bucks of bitcoin to transfer into coinbase so i could hopefully sell it at 901. because i have to move everything back and forth from coinbase, because they are jooish and watch exactly where you send your money, meaning no gambling and i would assume no Darknet Markets hahahahahahahahahaha. they scolded me for sending it to gambling. i have NO IDEA how they found out. considering I thought the gambling site used separate wallets for each gambler!

over 1 hour and 0 confirmations. didn’t even modify the fee.  this is why bitcoin will never take off. good idea though. just need something with FAST confirmations and ideally some way to send messages with the money. like hey guy this money is from UFMLL. remember me because i’d like you to know i donate money to you every 3 months. i am a true blue cobber m8. you can count on me. im not some kind of hypergamous mercenary who’s gonna leave you in the lurch. i am a MAN OF HONOR(tm) (great phrase from Chapin book MGHOW). wihtout having you have to make notes and search weird addresses jsut to try to identify somebody, and what if it changes your address every time? or you having to send a email before you send every transaction is probably the easiest way to identify yourself. still not very practical IMHO.

you know i am very optimistic about our young kids with 1488 blood pumping thru their veins. they dont even have the DESIRE to take MJ. I feel the desire EVERY DAY. I know it’s wrong but I think I can GET AWAY with it. I think the rules dont apply to me. I think I can just keep it in the closet and be an exception. but really I am envious of those who dont even WANT it. i wish I didn’t WANT it. but shit do I ever.

went for 1.4 mile powerwalk, not bad.

so anyway, i should NOT become an outspoken activist for the legalization of MJ, because its degenerative for huhwhyte society.

ok so whats the best military route for white neets? i honestly cant say. some say we want our white warriors on the frontlines. i would say study something hard and technical where only white men pass the exam, and get yourself into a safe all white male unit doing technical shit.

heh havent been to this horrible site in a while but this guy was dumped, was just devastated. people give him decent advice that WHY never helps, never gives closure. but its also very hard not to ask why. because youre willing to do anything to fix it, to make them change their mind. but they just wont. that never works. just let them go. fook yes its hard as SHIT. will make you want to sm0ke MJ for the next 2 years hahahaha.

hehehehe

why dont any gurls want a second date with me? im not a racist hater, i don’t like that racist trump! i dont have any wrongthink! why arent women interested in me at all?

yet the same gurls who are rejecting him are probably getting fooked by ebil trump voting racists hahahaha.

dec 27

heh. now i remember why i stopped reading /relships. because it is a woman-dominated space, and these women are annoying and stupid af. but they think they are SO smart, about relships, about men and women, but they know nothing. about men, abotu women, OR about relships. that is why they are high number crazy carousel riding catladies who cant keep a man hahahahaha. so how do they make 60k a year at their high powered careers then? AND have time to read and poast on reddit?

but yeah obviously this guy needs to Explicitly Ask for a Second Date on Saturday at 7pm and he would have more success. getting a second date at least hahahahaha.

but i mean yeah a bitch being texting on her phone the whole time during your date implies they are not interested. i mean its rude. but they just dont KNOW any better. at age 25 they dont know this is rude. and you’re THIRSTY and DESPERATE enough that you still WANT a second date with a RUDE woman who texts and sexts during the whole first date and is too stupid to even KNOW that’s rude.

ARrrrrgh this makes no sense! Who can I ask for clarification here? who’s the SME for this Subject Area?………..you mean I’M THE SME? IM THE EXPERT? BBBBBUT I have no idea how this works! I need an SME to help ME! I can assure you, I am absolutely no EXPERT in this! I know MUCH less than the USERS!!!!!!! why can’t we appoint one of them an sme?

welp, you better learn it fast, because it looks like you are the SME.

i can’t believe this is how things actually really work with large, successful businesses.

well, my business was in a Failure Phase tho. and if they dont pull out of it, they will end up selling the company.

you can sell a publicly traded company btw. prob need to cash out all the stock though. or maybe you can get out of that with bankruptcy. leave your stockholders in the lurch hehehehe. who knows. im no JQ bankruptcy attorney. though you can make good money in that career.

but it takes a certain TYPE to be a LAWYER. there are a few good huhwhyte lawyers like toilet law and this other guy. but i bet they are in the minority.

benedryl sleep last night, had dream featuring 2 female friends i had in muh crazy uni days. i was with one female friend reviewing a video of myself and the second female friend, and i was like, wow, its plain as day, look at her body language, she clearly wants the D, but its so weird I didn’t notice that at the moment, and had to see a video playback. hmmm. maybe I SHOULD give her the D. interesting idea.  I mean its really not a HORRIBLE idea. yeah i’m hung up on this other gurl, but some casual fook buddy secs might be good. and if its not, at least we can say we tried. lets give it a try.

and of course this never happened in real life. IRL I WAS too hung up on this “angel” i was in luv with, that I didnt’ even want anyone else, and I was even making female friends at the time who were arguably attractive women (21, 22 year old women! I should think so!!!!!) but I honestly had no interest in them in that way. but maybe i should have pushed myself towards being Casual Fook Buddy with at least one of them hahahahaha. how would that have played out? I will never know.

but this dream got me thinking. maybe that could have worked. me, doing a degen casual secs, fook buddy, FWB thing. whoda thunk it.

but yeah i put these other luv interests on such a pedestal, that i couldnt even THINK of other women.

i guess it was similar when i first met That Woman. I was still heartbroken over women2012 and couldnt even THINK of being with another woman.

And its ok to feel that way hahahahahahah. my feelings were valid. i don’t really REGRET not trying to bang that female friend hahahaha.

its so weird looking back on it. she was not just a leftist, but a leftist activist, and she was kinda a SLUT, she had told me about times she “HOOKED UP” with guys drunk at a party, i think she even said she had fooked a BLACK guy, and I knew she was a “little bit” crazy, (in hindsight I think very likely bipolar), but i also accepted her for who she was, and didn’t really judge her too harshly. we got along well and never really any tension. i kind of felt PITY for her having these meaningless relships. she was “dating” this guy tho and it was a CLUSTERFOOK. she wasnt happy and he wasnt happy and I just couldnt tell WHAT was going on. i still dont know.

anyway she went on to be a successful lawyer (hahahahahaha) and somewhere in there found a decent man, but I dont think that lasted, and she had some legit family tragedy, and I think went crazy and possibly had a breakdown, and did a complete career change and is doing pretty good with that. much better career than me hahahaha.  i mean she was always ambitious and a hard worker. is not gonna get lazy and slothful and despairing and neetish. but its the bipolar which will be a real risk for her. anyway i wish her well, she’s not a bad person.

so interesting. i can know a lot of shady details about a womans shady past and NOT be judgmental, say she’s NOT a bad person. when you would THINK I would judge her SAVAGELY. NOPE. it’s DIFFERENT when I actually know a person in real life. i give them the benefit of the doubt.

but yeah i was never in luv with her. but several people wondered if we had something going on. we did not hahaha. i was not really interested. but in hindsight, she was not unattractive, and it probably would have been good to try to get some Experience with her. while of course Respecting her decision if she didn’t want to hahahahaha. but she used to get REALLY ridiculous when drinking, even moreso than me. I would just fall down drunk. she would actively do crazy shit. including probably fook guys. black guys hahahahahahaha.

i actually met her father! he seemed like a good guy, was very successful, good father daughter relship, but pretty sure he was bipolar too. which became a problem for the whole family.  but yeah i think this is better than the alternative of an abusive or deadbeat father. he was successful and his children were successful even if his marriage failed.

but just making the point that she didnt become a crazy slut because she had a terrible father.  i think her father was pretty GOOD…..he was just legit CRAZY. she was too. but they both managed it pretty well. until they didnt. well, she’s doing allright. but he isn’t. it’s SAD!!!!!!!!!

so yeah. good people can be totally sidelined by Mental Illness. I totally believe it. I get it. I understand.

so yeah i wish her well, hopeyouredoingwell.wav, and that she safeguards herself against the bipolar condition. imho getting out of LAW was a good move. she can find other Careers to make Good Money. everyone I went to Uni with seems to have no problem makign good money! with me being the lone exception of course hahahaha.

selling the last of my bitcoin. huge. rally. to the moon. very bullish. sold at 890 yesterday, sell the last of muh btc at like 930ish today. and if it goes higher, OH WELL, im all tapped out.

ok sold it. done. no more bitcoin left. except 1 dollar in a btcjam account from deadbeats slowing paying me back on microloans. us citizens are now barred from loaning any more. oh well. it wasnt a great system for me anyway hahahaha. good riddance.

hehehhehehe this is starting right now. i would have shit my pants over this a few years ago. its a good move for roosh to move towards more serious men like uncle bern.  but both seem naive for just not reading the writing on the wall already. JQ. Race. WN. move past MGTOW shit. find a traditional woman. roosh go back to persia and stop ruining white women.

hehehe roosh really looks like a mudslim isis terrorist with that huge beard. i guess im glad he got TIRED of banging white sluts and realized there was more to life than MUH DICK.

with my superior white mind, i came to that conclusion and didnt even have to bang ANY white sluts!

and yeah i kinda envy him for having success with my race’s women where I have had NONE. literally. all the women i have had any success with have been nonwhite joos hahahahahahahahaha.  even white trash fatherless sluts reject me in favor of blacks and criminal toughguys.

well good riddance, i will go be a mgtow and get a damn realdoll HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA jk.

heh maybe bernard will become a WN in a few years. everybody moves at their own pace hehehehe. you cant really RUSH people.

ideally roosh would just marry a persian woman, have persian children, and repent for his past degeneracy, and encourage Racial, Noncivic Nationalism. encourage all his white male fans to become WN’s. Roosh is not a dumb guy. and he is gradually moving in the right direction.

but there are so many white omegas out there who can only think about women women women women women women women. i used to be one of them hahahahahaha. i STILL think about women ALL THE DAMN TIME. but now i keep Sex in its proper perspective – subordinate to RACE. whereas these mens movement people would disagree with that totally. and say race doesnt matter nearly as much as sex.

yeah sex does matter a lot. but race matters more.

just dump him and replace him with a better man! that is the answer to all womens relship problems. we men mean NOTHING to women. they are the REAL haters hahahahhahahahahahahahahahahahahaha. women hate men WAYYYYYYYYYYYY more than men hate women. women MEAN a lot to men. Men mean NOTHING to women. hahahahahaha. ok thats an example of the type of thoughts i don’t want to have, and ideally would refute them with a convincing rebuttal.

Have you ever had Anal Sex with a man you knew for less than 2 weeks? less than 1 week? how many men?

in the questions to ask your prospective wife hahahahaha. ideally you should not know these men less than a year. buttsecs is a BIG DEAL and should not be given out willy nilly. yet these beautiful white 22 year old gurls are quickly becoming ANAL WHORES!!!!!! BUTT SLUTS!!!!!!!!

would you want your DAUGHTER becoming that?

or do you just not care, all you care about is muh dick and muh drugs and muh alcohol? like a negro!!!!!!

just call them white n199er5.wav hahahahahaha

yet my female friend from 11+ years ago did all sorts of DISGUSTING things, and I dont hate her for it!

i wasnt in luv with her though!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

could I have been? maybe. anythings possible. but i knew all those unsavory things about her already, learned them pretty quickly, whereas That Woman didnt have any of those Disqualifiers.

and i STILL trust that That Woman wasnt HIDING anything. she was a trustworthy person. which made losing her very hard! and she still is trustworthy! she was and is a decent, valuable, good person! its really hard to lose that! it’s a lot easier to lose a total piece of shit!

anyway.  its all over. its finished. RIP.

but yeah. i am thankful for the few female friends i have had, i continue to learn from them 11 years later hahahaha. so yeah i hope that woman is doing well. that she finds a good man. although she would be hard to deal with. i dont think i’d want to. heck its possible she became a lesbian hahaha. but i dont think so.  but yeah she did disgusting things and i dont think any less of her as a person.

but yeah i didnt want to Be With Her and make babies with her and make her my waifu. at all hahahaha. whatsoever. i would have laughed at the thought. there was not that kind of Romantic Luv. I guess it could have developed. but now we are talking hypotheticals.

i mean what if she werent dating that guy? what if she was more “gf-ish” and sweet to me?  i mean she was nice to me but in that just one of the guys sort of way. and since i wasnt looking for any more from her, i didnt mind at all.

but yeah, bottom line, she was a good person and deserves good things and good people, but she was a little bipolar, but that shouldnt count against her. she could still be a good white wife and mother (and i hope she does!), provided she didnt screw it up.

she was weird though. she might not even WANT kids. she strikes me as possibly being one of those Weird Women that just has no desire to have children.

anyway my final word on her is that she is a good person and i hope she is doing well.

looked at hookers on backpage. technically that is not the same as looking at pron. i found at least two white hookers that caught my interest. 90% of the women were disgusting blaq hookers hehehehehe. not that the white ones are not white trash, but my god, i cant even imagine the type of man who would PAY these blaq women in the pictures, i mean they often looked fat and horrible.

funny that the majority of the white hookers BLATANTLY said no black men. so they are race aware and have a preference against black men, where Regular White Nonhooker Women do NOT! they are equal opportunity Cvm Bvckets!

well, as hookers, these women see the absolutely shadiest men right? so they probably saw tons of shady ghetto thug black men, not  talented tenth black men hahahaha. and arent the WHITE men they see shadier than the average white man? what kind of man uses hookers anyway?

Basically every man I know has been to a strip club. no big deal there. I heard of one guy who got drunk once and somehow a stripper offered to Suck His D for a price and he said ok sure i’ll pay 80 bucks for that! i dont think he found that all too horrible but it also wasnt the type of thing he did normally.

when i was in Uni a hedonist, sensualist acquaintance of mine talked about banging a hooker in amsterdam. this guy was a free luv kinda hippie type and very handsome, didn’t really NEED to bang hookers. i think he was just a sex freak and just honestly wanted to bang a hooker because it WASNT a normal nonhooker.

I heard about a middle aged alcoholic who would occasionally bang hookers. this kinda made the most sense. he was like 50 something, didnt want to waste time chatting with women, he had money from a business he miraculously ran, and he spent his money on booze and hookers. fantastic. TERRIFIC hahahaha.

i’ve known men who regularly go to strip clubs and it is PATHETIC. I have no desire to go to a strip club ever again. I would MUCH rather just hire a hooker for 30 minutes. strip clubs are just disgusting jooish places.

and yeah obviously i would rather be In A Rel with That Woman than ever go to a hooker. Still not over her! it will take about 2 years. but i am closer than i’ve ever been to getting over her. really all it will take now is meeting The Next Woman. I need to MEET WOMEN. and if that means going on fookin ok cupid, then thats what i have to do.

yep that FUATH – I album is really good. very listenable. dont even CARE if its a drum machine. album of the month hahahaha. dec 2016.

also looked on craigslist and backpage for “420” or “medical cannabis” or that type of thing. found some stuff, looked shady and or they blatantly said, you gotta have your card. which i’m sure they HAVE To say!!!!!!!

https://twitter.com/belledejour_uk/with_replies?lang=en

oh god heres a terrible woman. “sex worker” who got a phd in biology or some shit and is horribly sex positive and some of the trs goys are bullying her. GOOD! she is a monster. and jooish hahahahaha. OF COURSHE.

these women with phds in casual sex. fooking like negros. that is literally what their phd is in. then they make 600000000000000 tweets a day about how good casual sex is. ABSOLUTELY DISGUSTING.

 

NOBODY WANTS TO HIRE A WEIRDO

july 29

yeah its just incredibly frustrating when somebody is on their phone, talking and texting ALL THE TIME, they respond to EVERYBODY ELSE, but they wont respond to YOU. it is insulting and disrespectful as fook. Ya Spend All Day On The Phone Anyhow! to paraphrase the awful everest commercial. and you cant even send a text to End A Relationship hahahaha.

got call yesterday from health system i have sent 40 apps to (literally) and always get rejections from, first callback ever. called them back this morning and gave them email address to try to minimize Phone Tag. this is for a laboratory assistant in a hospital lab. purrfect. fulltime days no weekends, even better. sign me up for 13 dollars an hour. i will pass your nicotene test all day hahahahaha.  well…..maybe not hahahahahahaha.

that would be funny, to get a job offer but lose it because i failed a NICOTENE test because I smoke a COUPLE of Social Cigs per week. of course a lot more when i am working hahahaha. but you are not allowed to do that at this workplace. hospital. well i am sure there are people who hide out and chainsmoke on lunch, then spray down with febreze hahahaha.

sheeeit got interview for 10 dah part time temporary job, next thurs, the one i wanted to get resched, and they agreed to resched rather than saying get fooked…..but at a nice place. i like the place, they do job related training, REALLY i SHOULD do their job related training courses and then use that to get a 15 DAH Full Time Days Job hahahaha. working with Robots and 6000000 dollar machines. CNCs and CADs and FANUCs and lasers and injection molds and grinders and borers and dorners and whatever tf.

again that is probably soem sort of sign from GOD, answering my prayers. so maybe is “hospital lab.” working in a LAB with specimens.

“Protein Shake” with .75 scoop of Whey Protein, .5 cup of Whole Milk, and about 10 grams of Caramel Ice Cream hahahahaha

basically, if george feels can get a full time job, SO CAN I.

basically, if fatherland jim can get a FT job, and a basedwife, and a child, and own his home, SO CAN I.  I mean the guy is not only super autistic, but very neurotic and self-deprecating, by his own admission! women HATE self deprecating, neurotic men! I should know, I am one!

i like and respect both these guys of course. especially jim hahaha. but the more i “get to know” him, the more I am like WOW I cant believe he’s admitting this, and I can’t believe he wasn’t dumped by his wife after the first date hahahaha. this is the kind of guy women RUN AWAY SCREAMING from. I say that as a fellow member of that club.

so in fatherland 39 jim says, IF I CAN DO IT, ANYBODY CAN. and I could not agree more hahahaha.

the guy who bitched for like 4 straight weeks about my “trollnation” to the show. I didn’t mean the donation as a troll, but its just funny that he got SO rustled by it. yeah i can see how somebody might misinterpret it….and boy did he EVER.

COME ON. so the lady calls me back about the blood lab job and i can only interview TODAY because they have a deadline at the end of the day today. I said Monday or sometime next week would be fine. I was a little thrown off guard. I guess I should have just said yes, and then immediately took a shower, shave, get the suit on, get out there, sheeeeeeeeeit.  im wondering why she even called me. on the last day of interviews. wtf. well she said she had a death in the fam so i gave muh sympathies, but then i choked and said yeah no, i just can’t do it today, but if you would keep me in mind for other positions that would be great. the 40 other positions i had applied to hahaha.

lesson learned from being caught off guard: if they ask you for an interview TODAY, just DO IT.

it just seems so weird and unprofessional though.

i mean i wont regret this TOO much, in fact i could probably call her back right now….but sheeeeit.

women just dont understand how anxiety, shyness, despair, low confidence can keep a MAN from EVER having a GF or secs, because it doesn’t work the same way for WOMEN. WOMEN can TOTALLY have anxiety, shyness, despair, low cofidence, and it doesnt prevent them from having secs or rels AT ALL. That’s why they think its so weird when a man has never had a secs and rels. because its DAMN NEAR IMPOSSIBLE for a woman to never have secs or rels, and they are so damn narcissistic they think everybody is like them, and that men and women are the exact same, when in fact they are VERY different.

or they dont “buy the excuse” because “well I have despair and anxiety and I can still have secs and rels!” not understanding how anxiety and low cofidence DIRECTLY WEAKEN EVERYTHING which women find attractive about men. they do not directly weaken what men find attractive about women.

its much easier to not be bitchy, not be a slut, not be fat, than it is to Be Confident, Be Charming, Be a Leader.

Again I dont begrudge this ease, of women being the supply and men being the demand, i guess I just get rustled when women dont UNDERSTAND or APPRECIATE that fact of nature.

but, you could argue, they’re not supposed to. so again my expectations are too high. they’re not SUPPOSED to understand it.

The most effective Life Creator is one who does not know they are a life creator??!!?!?!?!

well yes kind of. cuz they will keep getting pregnant, exactly because they forget they can get pregnant?

interview SAME DAY. really. it sounded like they did most of the interviews yesterday. probably just whirlwind of 8 or so candidates in one day.

and what if someone just couldn’t make it that day? then into the trash they go.

BUT WHAT IF THEY WERE THE BEST CANDIDATE?

oh well then the company doesnt get the best candidate then. life goes on.

so yeah timing matters.

but youd think if they were SERIOUS about finding the best candidate, they would allow more than ONE DAY to interview all the candidates for this job. give them a span of like a week.

NOT come in on this day and time for an interview, and if you can’t, fook you, we can’t reschedule. we are interviewing for this job on one day only, in this 4 hour window.

so yeah, i can’t tell wimmin i have neversecs neverel because i have anxiety, despair, neurotic, and low confidence, they’ll say I DONT BELIEVE IT, I HAVE THOSE SAME THINGS AND I CAN GET SECS AND REL, THERE MUST BE SOMETHING REALLY WRONG WITH YOU, not realizing that these things have VERY different outcomes for men vs women.

solution: just don’t talk about it , or Bullshit/Lie/Deflect until you have banged the gurl, it’s not like it would take more than 3 dates anyway.  and if she complains about you being awkward, then say you’re under a lot of stress from your job and family. and next time take some benzos and hope you perform better, cuz if you don’t, YOUR FIRED. (dumped.) dumped for being awkward at secs. i could see it happening to me! and im sure its happened to other men!

like uhhhh i can just tell by the awkward way this guy FOOKS that hes only ever fooked 1 gurl about 15 years ago, or he’s a VIRGIN, and he’s DEFINITELY not ever had a GF, or Regular Secs. EW. WEIRD. CREEPER.

well what if you had had a longterm gf where you had secs 2 times a week for 2 years hahahahahaha then she dumped you, and you were heartbroken for 2 years, and then the next time you had secs, it was awkward and weird and the bitch thought THAT, that you had never had a GF or secs on the reg? well they would be WRONG.

but not about me hahahahahaha.  bitches and whores.

that feel when you think, hmm if all else fails, i will get a part time job at mathnasium, math tutor, that would be bretty kewl, then you look up the local mathnasium and see that all their employees are young college students at good colleges, majoring in math or engin, or they went to the local STEM high school that you didnt even know about until last year hahahahaha. so they are both 12 years YOUNGER than you, and have had way more MATH than you, you who is so proud of your A in Calculus 2, and that’s as far as you went in math. well good luck making 10 DAH as a part time math tutor because you don’t have the right stuff!

i will soon be the proud owner of a The Right Stuff tshirt however hahahahahahahaha. and that does count for something hahahaha. well unless the shirt sale gets SHUT DOWN before the shirts get mailed, which there is a 50% chance.

if i ever have to dump a person, i am gonna be the best dumper on the face of the earth.

is it JUST ME who doesnt know how to DEAL with conflict in relationships? well its safe to say SHE couldnt deal wiht it EITHER.

maybe most people can’t, so most Breakups are Bad, and we should all use SHRINKS when we want breakups to be Good.

I would be more than happy to do that. I will involve a shrink EVERY TIME if thats what it takes.

id be like hay, you arent dumping me so well, and i dont know what to tell you, lets go to the shrink and they can help you dump me better.

i mean its really not brain surgery, BUT also when you are THAT Flustered, your brain just doesnt work. you can barely do basic things, remember your name, do your job.

shit and when your job is DEMANDING as FOOK, like taking a TEST EVERY DAY, obviously youre going to be FAILING that test every day!

thats what it was like hahaha. you know how you would go out with friends and stay up late if you “ONLY” had to go to skool or go to work tomorrow, but if you had a BIG TEST tomorrow, you would get nervous, and make sure to go to bed early, etc? thats what it was like EVERY DAY of work. the WHOLE JOB was like one big EXAM that you were NEVER fully prepared for. the only time you had to STUDY was when you were at home, free time.

basically all of your schooling should be taking calls in a call center for 12 years hahahahaha. that should be all of school. K-12.  then you will be ready for anything.

or why not just MAKE everybody join the military to toughen them up.

because MOST people RECOGNIZE that everybody is NOT CUT OUT FOR the military. like private pyle. like me and prob you.

bbbbbut in SOME countries they make you! the phaggot sissies in SWEDEN need to do a year of service, don’t they? if sissy SWEDISH men can do military, so can the neetest american omega!!!!!!!

or those slimy sleazy schlomos in ISRAHELL also have mandatory military service. if those shady k1k3s can do military service, so can the sissiest, phaggiest NEET!

or maybe its really easy to get out of service. like just get a doctors note saying you have bad eyesight or are too short hahahahaha.

2 more rejection letters from the health system i have applied to 40 times hahahaha. and they want me to do a DAY OF interview or NOT AT ALL. come on. and they also test for cigarettes smoking. WHY am I trying to get in here again? because they have a good number of FT jobs with low qualifications. that dont involve a call center or sales. that I still get rejected for.

you can get through school being a total awkward autist. but this does not work at ALL in the world of work and wimminz. NOBODY TOLD ME hahahahaha.

managers, like women, will reject you unless you are a total confident, charismatic chad. slip up once and youre DONE.

also school should prepare you for the level of REJECTION you get in the real world. you will be rejected 99 times out of a 100. better get used to it.

but other special snowflakes who went to the same schools as i did, did VERY VERY well for themselves! so it must be ME, not the SCHOOLS! well yeah it IS me to some extent.

so if the economy doesnt grow 4% every year, that’s a bad thing?

if it only grows 1%, thats BAD?

well yes. because……the population grows? so we should be edgy antinatalist zero population growth fooktards?

i only listen to vinyl ripz hahahaha

i remember i got this album in like 1998 and i was a little disappointed. cuz back then i just wanted chugga chugga chugga heavy heavy heavy. i thought the guitars werent HEAVY enough. the vocals werent HEAVY enough. I thought morbid angel was supposed to be the HEAVIEST death metal band ever.  (there was plenty of “brutal death metal” if thats what I was looking for. well, every album was a big investment in 1998 hahaha. so deicide “once upon the cross” was more what I was looking for.)

but nowadays i can totally appreciate the very “organic”, human, natural production on this album. and noting it was produced by the same guy that did metallica “ride the lightning” and “master of puppets.”

in 1999 I heard their next album “domination” and liked that more. i guess youre supposed to hate that album becuase thats when they sold out. but I liked the guitars and vocals better. and thought the songs were catchier.

so i can never crap on “domination”, but I am glad “covenant” has great growing and staying power.

yep going on 3 days with no shower and this is when you def start to smell hahahahahaha. sweaty crotch and pits BO hahahahahahahaha. if you get near a wimmin at this point, she WILL dump you hahahaha.

so why do we NEED 4% growth a year? why not 1%? why not .5%? why not .1%? why cant things just stay the same? they cant GROW forever! I just dont beleive that GROWTH is always GOOD.

i mean im not too worried about a woman interrogating me about muh rel history. i mean, That Woman and I became very close friends, and she had NO IDEA of my rels or lack of them. NO IDEA. I was ready to tell her the full story, but she was ultimately not interested in hearing it hahahaha.

so basically just lie, because they literally CANT HANDLE THE TRUTH.

yeah it IS hard to LIE, because your white moral fibers tell you that lying is wrong, youre not a liar. that is very well and good. but the truth is, sometimes its ok for whites to lie, such as when they are “faking it to make it” with white women. anything in service of the 14 words, its ok for whites to lie. or if it doesnt HURT anybody.

but yeah i understand how it FEELS a little jooey or ingrish. thats FINE. it SHOULD.

also its ok to LIE to get yourself a JOB.

they dont have TIME to do MORE background checking on you AFTER you GET the job. they will either do it BEFORE they offer your the job, or not at all. therefore…..lie to get a job, and if you get the job, you wont be found out later. unless it is a super powerful job or public election or something. NOT a damn entry level 28k job. the better thing to worry about is being fired for no reason, or at will, or “restructuring”, or “business needs”, or because your company is not having 4% growth every year. not because you lied about you supervising people, or you being a great negotiator, or you being good under pressure, or you being a nonweird nonvirgin nonnevergf normie.

so yeah i just want women to APPRECIATE secs and rels more. check their secs and rel PRIVILEGE. but I’m not saying that privilege shouldnt exist.

hey i dont even want them to UNDERSTAND it. I just want them to BE NICER. you know how you can luv and support someone even if you don’t UNDERSTAND them. just do that! give me your luv and support! Give me a CHANCE even though some things about me seem WEIRD at first! you have to give me a CHANCE! and not just BAIL at the first time things are a little different. im honestly not THAT weird! women have just never given me a CHANCE hahaha. men have given me a chance! and they were glad they did!

the employers who gave me a chance were pretty much glad they did hahaha.

but the wimmin never wanted to give me a chance hahaha.

well the female friends that gave me a chance found some value in me.

well thats not to say That Woman never found any Human Value in me.

She just ran away when things got complicated. thats ALL. stop reading all this malicious intent, or thinking she never cared about me. she probably DID! she just bailed when it got HARD. i have done the SAME THING in different situaitons. cant deal with hard shit. shit i cant deal with the struggles right now and avoid avoid avoid hahaha. like i never AVOIDED anything. everybody avoids sometimes.

that is the more rational, less emotional, more truthful way of looking at this. but shit its STILL hard to do that. a year later and its still hard to Correct the cognitive distortion.

so, muh sense of judgment is WRONG, my logic is WRONG. this is why I like MATH, because math FORCES you to use the RIGHT logic. if you’re not using logic, you’ll get it wrong, so if you get it right, you know your logic is right.

i guess your logic can be terribly wrong about some things, but still be right on other things (like hopefully, your job and job-related things.) so you can be a mess Emotionally and Personally, but still do a Good Job.  because the day you’re not able to do a good job…….YOURE FIRED.

did 5 mile pwalk

while doing it and listening to morbid angel hahaha i had a very illustrative thought, i thought, what if she contacts me like 2 or 3 years after it all went down and is like hey how are u lets get caught up again, you should come to this party im having, and then i go, and she is all super mature and cool and has all these new winner friends, and she looks a little older but still good, and she is now moved way up in her career, and is powerful and respected and makes good professional money, like 40k a year, and can afford a nice place in the hip winner neighborhood, and has all these friends that make 40k a year, and she doesn’t spend a lot of time with me, but just goes around mingling, and some of the guys she gets closer to than others, maybe shes fookin em, i tell her welp it was kinda a hard year, im still lookin for a jerb, its tough out there and i havent had much luck, and she said oh well good luck, maybe you can get a job starting out in call center, if you tough it out for a few years you can become a manager like i did….and then i get pissy and am like, im mad at how things ended, you were a big reason why i quit, and then she gets mad and is like oh no, dont blame ME for that, thats all on YOU and not being able to handle me not liking you, when it was clear i didnt, i mean what did you expect? dont blame ME for that! youre the one with problems, you cant handle life, thats why you quit, thats why youre still a failure 2 years later, you gotta get your stuff together man, stop living in the past, move on, get over it! and then she moves on to some other people to mingle with, and i drink my soda and get mad and sad, yeah shes right, i didnt HAVE to quit, its not HER fault, but damn shes WAY more successful than me, i can’t get over it, she makes way more money than i ever will, she’s still 8 years younger than me, and she doesnt CARE that i’m not doing well now, she doesn’t want to HELP me, other than tell me get a job in a call center and tough it out for a few years. well thats what i WAS doing until i snapped!!!! but thats my fault! but shit how can you just invite me to this party after 2 years like nothing ever happened, like we didnt end things in a terrible way?

and so that was this vivid and incredibly unproductive use of muh brain. like a series of congitive distortions turned into a ruminating STORY or daydream only designed to make me feeel bad in every way!

your brain simply SHOULDNT work like that!

so yeah this was a rumination i guess, and then it turned into a story. a ridiculous daydream. all while im trying to relax on my powerwalk!

so, dont do that. just turn off that stream of thoughts.

so yeah i would still want to be with her in that case.

shit. not with any other woman have i never wanted to meet them so much. with the other women i can be like, yeah that sucked, but i got over them, and i don’t really care about having met them or not. it was an interesting story. no need to have never met them.

but with HER, i wish i had really never met her. we had SOME really really good stuff…..but the pain and misery and suffering and failure vastly outweighs it! if i had never met her, I would have still been working at my old job, i never would have left for the new job (that WAS directly inspired by her, we could BOTH agree), and therefore i never would have LEFT that job and I wouldnt be in the pathetic, hopeless situation I am now. I would have not had a yearlong gap on muh res,  I would have had a much better shot at getting any of these jobs im interviewing for now because i would be currently employed. and then i could have gotten the job at the nursing home, or the university, or the city. no gap, no stupid call center job, no heartbreak, no thoughts of her. no thoughts of HER! do you know how MUCH I’ve THOUGHT of HER in the past 2 years? many minutes, every single day!!!!!!!!

they say to meet women, have a full life and do fun meetups for your hobbies. well what if your hobbies are all male, like 1488 huhwhyte nationalism?

plus it’s clear that women entering that would just cause drama.

and then I thought, well, wouldn’t women cause drama in ANY Social Group?

Let’s say your fookin i dunno anime group is 90 10 men women. you think all the THirsty Omegas are not gonna be in competition for those women?

and this certainly happens in nerdy groups like that! animes, comic cons, dr who, etc.

ok so lets say the group is 60 40 men women. there will still be some competition and conflict. men getting assmad when some slut dumps him to bang the more alpha men in the group.

well, not all the people in the group will be SINGLE!

i guess we need to put in the caveat that some social groups would be better than others. for example, NO anime, NO nerdy groups, NO racial groups.

cuz i was thinking, the only social group i’d like to join is a damn racial group. but we’ve already concluded that racial groups are NOT good places for women. women can support in the background and their monog husbands be in the group, but if there are Thirsty Beetas in the group desperate for waifus, then they will fight for the attention of any single woman in the group! who will then fawn over all the attention and play the men off of each other!

so you find a group where you’re the ONLY thirsty beeta? hahahahaha.

there’s thirsty beetas in EVERY/ANY group!

and them competing for the women is gonna cause tension in the group! there will be fighting, stalking, jealousy, and the loser will essentially have to leave the group. THEY CANT EVEN ENJOY THEIR DAMN GROUP ANY MORE cuz That Woman is in the group giving it up to the OTHER men.

so yeah I don’t buy this meeting women in social groups thing. its the same thing like meeting a woman at WORK or in your circle of friends. and then she turns out to be the Work Slut or the Circle of Friends Slut. She Fooks EVERYBODY and is kinda shady and sleazy. don’t get caught up in her drama.

so i wonder if women can handle being in groups at all.

leaning towards no. single women at least. married women could handle it. but their husband should be in the group with them.  and she should not leave him for other guys in the group.

im just learning NOW that WOMEN = DRAMA?

NO, I knew that 20 years ago. I guess I have just been wanting to get along with a woman without all that drama. and i DID. and then it became very, very, very dramatic.

and really I caused the drama here, not her. DAMN.

FOOOOOOOK.

SHEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEIT.

yeah well she COULD have been nicer hahahaha. i could have been more Alpha, and she could have been a LOT nicer. other women have been nicer!

but yeah i hope she doesnt contact me unless she gives me a big apology and also says she wants to get together with me. even though she is very successful and i am a big failure. and she never NAGS me about my job when i finally get a job because it for damn sure wont be as much as SHES making.

sheeeeit. i CAN tell you that its not natural for men and women to compete like this in the Economic Marketplace. and its a REAL WEIRD dynamic when you get rejected by a woman, then you end up comparing yourself with her CAreer-wise and trying to Beat her in career, cuz she beat YOU in the game of Luv, so now you want to Beat hear in the game of career. but you DONT, she beats you even WORSE in the game of career and ends up becoming WAY more successful than you. she’s younger than you and she is a manager / leader / senior / director / supervisor / VP / level 3, and you are older and still a damn entry level level 1.

adds insult to injury and makes you feel like more of a loser.

of course, THEYRE not doing that, YOU’re doing that to yourself. you dont HAVE to compare yourself to their career at all.

i mean, if they ARE forcing it down your throat, thats a different story. but if you havent talked to them in 2 or 3 years, and you are just stalking them on linkedin and looking at their career from afar…..that sucks. DONT DO THAT!!!!!!!!

thats the type of stuff I do. Shit I dont even DO it any more. I don’t look at ANY of these women on linkedin or facebook. but I STILL think about it!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

like i imagine HER being a successful Manager!

even though i haven’t been on facebook in a year, and i haven’t looked at her on linkedin in like 8 months, and back then she didnt have any updates. now i know she got a new job, prob a tough job i couldnt handle, and i am making all these assumptions that she is a manager, she is moving UP.

i guess i am a masochistic glutton for self punishment. if it hurts, I DO it! thinking about her moving UP in career? getting jealous? yep! so just keep thinking about the painful shit! you are a master at adding your OWN insult to injury!!!!!!!! more cognitive distortions! or really, emotional piling on! you are serving up Self Serve Pain to your SELF!!!!! DONT DO THAT!!!!!!!!!

july 30

essentially Cutting Yourself mentally/emotionally. how gay is that. you dont want to be A Cutter!!!!

I was WILLLLING to handle the situation in a mature way! I just needed her cooperation! HER willingness! and thats ON HER!

so yeah i have my issues but its not truthful to say that my issues ruin every rel i ever have!

GIVE ME A CHANCE! be WILLING to communicate with me!

maybe i should go on okcupid and look for women who are looking for “just friends” hahahaha because i am certainly not Emotionally Available, and women that advertise they are looking for just casual secs, while I might want that, are not the type of women i want to meet, and generally good people to stay away from.

also as a general rule, when someones heart is breaking, dont blame them for getting feelings, just accept this is how hearts work, be appreciative that somebody opened their heart to you, and take pains to treat their heart gently….even if you didnt ask for this.

hey its not like i dont know how 2 relationship….ive just never been given the CHANCE! never given a FAIR SHAKE!

never had anyone who was WILLING!

yes this issue of WILLING is a big deal. you can lead the horse to water but you cant make them WILLING to drink.

the WILL comes from WITHIN.

heh applied for 2 jobs on a saturday.

tweaked cover letter a TINY bit to more effective Cup The Balls of the Company’s Mission Statement.

i guess basically go on okcupid and look for attractive women who seem CHILL and who seem liek they smoke MJ and are under 30. who cares if they have kids or tattoos, i am just using them for casual secs hahaha. and i will TELL them that. most women are ok with being used for casual secs, woman use MEN for casual secs just as much.

yes it is degenerate! but i cant get pregnant ever, and maybe banging some sluts will help me forget about HER, and it will also increase my confidence and experience with women, which will make me better at pulling QUALITY women that actually CAN replace her and make me forget about her!!!

jeez. can you IMAGINE how many HOURS and DAYS i WASTED THINKING about HER the past YEAR, even though she was OUT OF MY LIFE, she continue to take up SO much of my thoughts? still does! how can you THINK about someone so much when you havent seen or talked to them in a YEAR? its RIDICULOUS!

yet you THINK about them an HOUR a day at LEAST? 365 hours! thats like 9 full Work Weeks! that is THOUSANDS of dollars!

if you had to put a PRICE on the PAIN of a broken heart, it would DEFINITELY be in the TENS OF THOUSANDS OF DOLLARS. 10 to 99 thousand dolars.

162 dollars for round trip flight to denver hahaha. can get motel for 70 dollars a night hahaha a little pricey. i ideally wanted a motel with a sauna so i could smoke tons of MJ, then sit in the sauna. well, actually i would probably walk around the forests and mountains. smoke MJ all day. then go to sauna at night. smoke tons of MJ every waking moment. probably take a few puffs in the middle of the night too. like when you wake up for a few minutes at 4:20 am, take a puff, go back to sleep hahahahahahahahahahaha.

that woman. i cant believe she has a medical MJ card and can buy MJ whenever she wants. she doesnt even have a qualifying condition and doesnt even CARE! MOST people get it for chronic pain, and jsut smoke MJ where they might have become pill poppers like white trash. but she doesnt have chronic pain!

maybe she does, she just never told me. hahaha.

SEE? a YEAR later, and still THINKING about her!!!DAMN!!!!!

also a year later, and still thinking about that JOB. HOW did I do that stuff? why didnt I snap earlier? I could never do that again!

when have I felt the most confident? When I accomplished or did well on something that MATTERED to me. like get a new job (although actually working the job would be very nerve wracking at the beginning, nullifying any gains in confidence) or especially when the things were going well with some woman. for like the 2 days in my life where things were going well with a woman hahahaha. no really its more like 14 days, thats not bad. 14 days of confidence in 30+ years hahahahahaha. no i bet i have had 30 days of confidence in 30 years, between the few women, and the few accomplishments!

but yeah making out with a gurl and shes not PUSHING you, that is a good confidence builder. when its a gurl you WANT to be making out with, instead of like, damn this gurl ugly but I am desperate, wow how shameful, imma get buttmad now. but rather WOW this gurl is awesome and THIS is awesome and I am awesome etc…… now that doesnt happen very often hahahahahahaha

you get neurotic and obsessive. you dont think about ANYTHING ELSE with the obsession and interest and tenacity you think about WOMEN with.

looked up data entry on ziprecruiter and found some jobs i have not seen on indeed. oh great. so i set up an email alert for data entry on ziprecruiter hehehe

why do women have such a disregard and disrespect for human life? you’d think they’d hae some kind of inherent bond, with babies and shit, because babies grow inside them. but no. they have NO problem killing their babies, less problem than MEN do as a matter of fact. they have LESS respect for life than MEN do. ABSOLUTELY REPREHENSIBLE.

such WEIRD feelings. what do you DO when you feel “incompetent.” thats a weird thing to feel, but I feel it.

so fix it by doing something competently!

no its not just that, it’s doing 51% or more of all things competently!

i dont WRITE very competently, this writing is a total mess. I dont job search or interview competently. i am not competent with wimmin. or employers. or personal hygiene. i AM competent with walking however. i am sort of competent with sticking to my calorie goal. i am competent with driving. thats a pretty big deal. i can drive places and not get in accidents ever. that should get me SOMETHING hahahaha.

i mean i wouldnt want to drive for a JOB. I would be totally incompetent driving a TRUCK.

NOBODY EVER TOLD ME that the majority of your working life would be spent feverishly trying to convince angry people that you weren’t an idiot, you weren’t incompetent. Well, you were KINDA incompetent, but you weren’t an IDIOT, you just weren’t QUICK witted. You aren’t QUICK WITTED, but you are smart, you swear! You got an A in Calculus 2 and got a 4.0 in high school and a 3.9 in Community College and a 3.7 in University! you were in the top 10% in high school! you peaked in high school! you should have seen me when I was 17! you wouldnt thought I was an idiot THEN! good thing that was literally half a lifetime ago.

 

PAIR BONDING OXYTOCIN VASOPRESSIN DEMISECSUAL SECS

0103

TheBearWoman 7 hours ago (edited)
This was very silly. I can see why these young women are anxious. They have invested in feminism to a degree & don’t want to lose it. They are young. They think they have needs, but they are only wants. Men, you will have to decide what kind of existence is needed, then you have to entice the women in if you want to steer this thing yourselves. First and foremost, if you are only prepared to have sex with someone you’re prepared to die for, that helps a lot.

endquote

yeah that is an interesting idea.

for men and women both, i would add. of course if women adopt that concept first, because they are the gatekeepers/sellers of sex, men will eventually follow. logically, they have to, unless they turn gay hahahaha. but it helps a LOTTTTTTT, i would agree with TheBearWoman.

so for men, sex itself is very expensive, high price, like 500 dollars or more.

for women, the price/value of sex is very low, like 1 cent. because they are essentially the sex sellers.

HOWEVER…….

the CONSEQUENCES of sex for men are 1 cent, but for women, the CONSEQUENCES of sex are 9000000000000000 dollars. see what i mean?

hahaha i just want women to have more of a long term view, realize how “expensive” sex REALLY is, ESPECIALLY for them, and not give that away for free, and have some sort of sexual morality.

9 miles later….922 calories

yeah the point is, its a LOT easier to put on weight than lose it. i can eat 1500 calories in one big delicious gluttonous meal. done it before. YET if i want to lose 1 pound a week, i can eat no more than 1570 calories PER DAY.

then i would lose 1 pound a week with no exercise.

basically the point of a LOT of exercise is so you can eat a LITTLE more hahhahahaha.

was i confusing NURTURING with INTIMACY? maybe. that is definitely something i would be risky for. basically fall in luv with some qt young girl if she she simply NICE to me. because i like when gurls are NICE to me.

and that woman used to be really nice to me and i liked it and that helped me fall in luv wiht her.

but i argue there WAS SOME intimacy. you cant not have some intimacy when you have known someone for over 2 years, and they have told you secrets and important things about themselves.

i didnt share as many big secrets about me but i was getting there. i would have if she hadnt thrown me away hahahaha.

well shes a classic avoid confrontation at all costs type of person. she was gonna avoid this confrontation. there was nothing she could gain from it…………other than good karma hahahahah. but IF she were in luv with me, she would have said yaasssssss lets hang out, i accept your invitation, in like fall 2014, and wouldnt have been avoiding hanging out with me for 10 months. 10 fookin months! damn!

you dont avoid hanging out wiht someone for 10 months if eveyrthing is all right!

well i am starting to lose weight, now at 166 pounds. i want to be 159 pounds MAX. yes i am a total MANLET hahahaha so i am not able to weigh a lot.

0104

women women women. jesus i need to do something productive!

but yeah what hurts is, i lost someone i genuinely liked and loved and cared for. and that luv was real and not based in delusion.

like with some of the other women in 2004-5. there i got physical with them and that made me think i had feeligns for them because i thought we were Sharing Something Special. well really we WERE and my feelings were not WRONG, this is just how sexual liberation destroys/ruins women.

bu the fact was, i didnt really KNOW those women. we had SHORT rels that felt just like a Rushed Simulation of a Rel: hang out a few times, have casual secs, hang out a few more times, then they lose interest and dump you, all within the space of 2-3 months. you sort of start to get to know them………but not really. this is not true intimacy!

so i DID have that with this woman. and there was no physical bullshit to FOOL me into Merely Thinking I liked her. i liked her BECAUSE I knew her for a long time.

not just because i fooked some sloot who gave it up TOO FAST and FOOLED me into thinking we had something hahahaha.

yeah i was naive but that was moreso their fault, because i was reacting the way normal traditional nondegenerates reacted. by taking secs seriously and not burning out their damn bonding hormones on casual secs!

i liked her because she was the same way, not giving it up easy, realizing that it was an important thing…..maybe.

was it mark twain who said, never attribute to treachery what can be attributed to stupidity.

meaning, a persons intentions may not be to deliberately betray you…..they are just STUPID. or weak or lazy or cowardly or avoidant. hahahaha.

so when women leave you in the LURCH, they arent TRYING to be EVIL. they are just being weak and stupid and cowardly.

i mean i dont expect women to be STRONG LEADERS. or not to be cowards. they need men to be strong for them and lead them. take them in hand hahahaha.

i dont have a problem with this.

however i could not lead her to even write me a damn email!

i should have said: im not gonna tolerate this any more. Write me a long email and lets have a long talk RIGHT NOW. get started on that email RIGHT NOW, i expect it within 48 hours, and then the talk within 48 hours of me getting the email.

i wasnt asking her to be a leader, i was just asking her to do one damn favor for me. to pull her damn weight and not have the rel be 100% one sided.

there is a division in the Alt Right which i would describe as almost medieval muslim mgtows on one side who want womens rights taken away, because women unleashed is destructive. and the other side which is more “egalitarianism” saying white men and white women complement each other and women should be allowed to drive, but probably not to vote hahaha.  and that europeans RESPECT their women, and look how the mudslims treat women. the men obviously HATE the women! european men dont HATE their women, they LOVE them!

and i can see the points of both sides. men and women are different. women are much more emotional. women should be restricted in ways that they arent now, regarding secs. lock that pandoras box back UP. keep them away from colleges and careers at least until they are done having and raising kids. women should be more focused on the home and children and education their damn children. stop trying to be ceos and managers and scientists and entrepreneurs. thats mens job.

then i realize i am not very masculine. never have been. never had that leader spirit. was never entrepreneurial or trail blazing. more of a follower than a leader.

another thing i liked about her was that she was feminine, but not super girly. dressed rather plainly, very little makeup, but also was not dykey or a tomboy either.

was nice and nurturing and kind and sweet, but was not emotionally hysterical. she was calm and chill and laid back. i REALLY liked that. maybe it was from all that MJ smoking. i really wanted to do MJ with her and cuddle, make out, and having loving Pair Bonding Oxytocin Vasopressin Demisexual Secs. yaaaayyyyy bonding time!!!! squeeee!!!!

shit i can still feel those chemicals when ithink about it! whereas secs with anyone else seems like a Meaningless Chore.

ok got a haircut, level 2 buzz. i wanted to ask if they could do shorter on the sides so i could look real FASHY, but i got nervous, didnt think i could explain myself, it was good enough that i was going out there at all. heh. these are the Exceptional Commuincation and RElationship building skills i am trying to get a job with hahahaha. and a woman.

so i just ended up getting a level 2 buzz cut all the way around. it was good enough. then i came home and trimmed the beard to a level 2 as well hehehe as it was at about a level 3 by now.

of course i will shave the beard off when i get a j interview. might have to get another haircut then too.

yep i hate the feeling that this is it, its all over, she was the best woman ill ever know, that was the best job ill ever have, muh life is OVER. if i ever meet a woman ever again shes gonna be ugly and bitchy and old, WAYYYYY lower SMV hahahaha. i got dumped because i wasnt good enough for her, she is so out of my league, how dare i even get feelings for her, i will always compare women to her and they will come up short, she was as good as it gets, i will never luv a woman that way again.

because i actually KNEW her, it wasnt RUSHED.

and because she was CHILL and i liked that.

the thought of hugging her and cuddling with her and then the deep luving demi secs (though i am NOT a demisexual, i totes understand how knowing someone turns the secs into a profound, almost religious experience, worth being treated seriously, truly a matter of life and death!)

i get flooded with warm fuzzies. i just cant get that from other wimmin. i try to get it up thinking about banging other women, and nothing. well, not so much nothing to the point that i would identify as DEMISEXUAL. i can still find other women secsually attractive. i just have 90000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000 times more feelings for HER, and the special luvy feels when you think about having secs with the person you luv. vs jerking off to some attractive rando stranger, thoughs of secs with them. its a WORLD of difference……at least it SHOULD be.

you see where they get the expression “making luv” hahaha

hehe theres a picture somewhere on the TRS forum that is the cover of “culture of critique” photoshopped to put in stefan molyneuxs name in as the author. i thought thsi was hilarious now i cant find the picture. this was one of those jokes i had to LURK MOAR to get. and now its funny to see newbs saying “bbbbbut he didnt write CoC” hahahaha.

0105

so basically diet/food/calories is MORE IMPORTANT than exercise if you want to lose weight, and most amerifats need to lose a lot of weight! cuz they eat WAY too damn much! i do too so im not above it. i LOVE to eat. i am a bit of a degenerate glutton.

last night went to bed and jsut felt awful despair about everything and anything. all things. mainly general despair: i have failed at life, i cannot handle life, what am i gonna do, i cant DO anything, i cant be a damn functional adult in the world, i never asked for this, why am i so  defective, i came from a good family, i had all the opportunities, there was just something stubborn in me that didnt want to take responsibility and be a man, etc. just not tough enough. the things that should make me tougher have made me weaker, i will never be able to take care of myself and be more of a producer than a consumer, etc, i will never be a admn normie with a living wage job, decent wife, kids, etc. i will never stick with a job long enough to be promoted, etc.

i mean ive never been promoted! ive never been above a strict entry level position! where i was, well i was never gonna be promoted, but i was doing good work that might have resulted in me getting a higher position elsewhere…..until i threw it all away because i couldnt emotionally cope with a WOMAN!!!!!!!!

now i gotta start at the bottom AGAIN. hahahaha people way younger than me who never went to college are managers of shit hahahaha.

perhaps an even gayer word than “fuccboi” is “boipucci” hahahahah im not even sure what it means really. because men dont have vagz. nor do boys. nor do gayboi fuccbois. therefore we can only assume that a boipucci is simply a gay ahole that gets plowed like a pucci.

ended up finally seeing the movie “the purge” on reg cable fx channel. it was ridiculous. great concept that was totally botched while making a nice 85 minute movie that is worth watching once and then fun to complain about. i started about 20 minutes in so i wondered if i missed some of the premise. cuz its all about the premise. well i didnt miss much. all crime is legalized for 12 hours a year, the only rules are you cant use heavy explosive weapons like rocket launchers, and you cant kill high ranking fedgov officials/employees. like probab the prez or congress etc.

so questions come to mind constantly, even when you have a fuzzy, confused, broken mind like mine:

and the writers should have been asking these same questions, and then addressed them in interesting ways. both about the PRemise, and about the Plot.

the guy sells Purge Security systems for a living yet says they are not built for the worst case scenario, they work only 99% of the time.  IF ANYTHING IS OBVIOUSLY A WORST CASE SCENARIO WHERE 99% IS NOT GOOD ENOUGH, THIS IS IT.

what about people in prisons? do the guards just go HAM and exterminate everyone in prisons in their cells?

there is a clear division between psychopath sociopaths and people with Morals. whats the root cause of that?

why does his son have the access code to the sec system?

why doesnt anybody address the obviosuly sociopathic connotations? the people clearly have no value for human life. they kill their FRIENDS, also their Class Neighbors/Peers, as well as the Underclass Scum/Swine/Filth. when you kill them, its purging filth. but its like you dont have a choice to kill your peers because this is a sacred, profound, almost religious thing, to purify the hate and violence from your soul.

and the purgers are portrayed as sadistic sociopaths, not morally conflicted at all. i guess i found this a weak cop out. i wanted everybody to have a moral conflict like ethan hawkes family.

its a VERY interesting concept/premise that could have made a MUCH better movie.

so they give shelter to this christlike martyr black man who dindu nuffin hahahaha.

why do the Purgers care if the guy is alive or dead? because theyre sadistic sociopaths who just want to kill as many people as possible, even other fellow upstanding citizens like themselves. and that if hawke doesnt deliver the dindu to them ALIVE, the purgers will kill the WHOLE FAMILY once their “special equipment” arrives and they break into the house.

they could just say, welp you kill him for us, but i guess that would not have made for much of a movie would it hahaha.

BUT chances were pretty damn good hawke might have killed the black guy ANYWAY during that time when they were all scrambling around the dark house. they dont know this guy isnt armed. they could have shot him as soon as they saw someone who wasnt a family member. then hawke would say welp i killed him and the purgers would still break in and kill the family.

why not get to his stash of guns, give guns to his wife and son, then rather than leaving them in the room, hawke takes the whole group of them around the house till they find the daughter, then give her a gun, THEN find the black guy, then be like buddy you gotta go.

even the black guy himself agrees with hawke that this is the only thing that can be done!

anyway. great concept that made for an extremely frustrating and stupid movie. that was great fun to watch once and bitch about the whole time, saying well why dont they do this.

of course you wish you had a loving woman to cuddle with while watching it hahaha.

after that i went to bed and mind was flooded with scary, despairing, negative thoughts, about my bleak future and how i had wasted my life and youth and now it was over. and she could watch the purge with other guys and fook and luv them, but never me hahaha.

yeah its like being haunted by a ghost.

how could i be so ARROGANT as to think a noncrazy nonslutty attractive womedn would ever want to be with ME?

well i didnt think there was a good chance hahaha. however she didnt have to be so mean.

even if she was out of my league for Dating, that DOESNT MEAN that she had to be so mean and cold and end it like that, especially since i was not out of her league for being friends.

the other women, i didnt have a real relationship with. her, i most certianly did. and i never had such a real, good rel, end in such a bad way before. it is overwhelming and devastating and disorienting. i have no frame of reference for this. those other women, i didnt really know them. HER, i DID truly know.

and i can understand wanting to avoid confrontation, but i cant understand why she just couldnt write an email or send a message or send a messenGER after a month or so after she had cooled off, saying something like, sorry, but i dont hate you, but i just cant do this, but i wish you the best. if you respond to me after this i wont respond. sorry.

i guess just the idea that i know the friendship was important to her at one time, and i wish she would just admit that.

not gonna happen!

ive heard it said somewhere that many people who K themselves dont do it because they dont want to LIVE, but they do it because they are desperate to end the pain. its not life itself that bothers them but the pain or suffering hahaha.

anyway my confidence is super low. less than zero. even  when i am exercising 2+ hours a day. some say we dont need all these big pharm j00 medicines for “derpression”, just exercise moar! well i am exercising a LOT and its not super helping. im like shit this isnt ENOUGH, i still want a higher damn dose of SSRI meds hahaha.

are you allowed to take SSRIs or BENZOs when you are in the MILITARY? the POLICE? can you be like shit i am super nervous about my stressful job, so im gonna take benzoz all day on the job. would the military frown on that? and they give you drug tests of course.

so you will be “DQ”d from the AF (armed forces) if you have a felony, or if you have taken antideps for at least ONE YEAR before entering. you cannot currently be taking them.

http://forums.studentdoctor.net/threads/psych-and-military-policies.896035/

of course when you join the military at age 18, most psych stuff simply has not presented……yet.

shit i started taking paxil at age 20, then did not take it for very long, less than 1 year…..then started it again at age 25 or so and have been on it ever since hahahaa. no military for me hahaha.

http://www.military.com/join-armed-forces/military-recruiting-process-faqs.html#q9

so all those normies you met who were in the military hahahaha. military is NORMIE as FOOK hahaha.

BUT if you join at 18, then you can develop all sorts of shit LATER. just make sure you develop them AFTER successfully getting IN.

so i say i should have gotten in the military, but……. not sure if i would have been able to handle it!

ok i was very lightly concerned that muh medz were not the right dosage, its supposed to be 20 mg as on the label, but the pills dont look 20 mg, they look smaller. and how can i trust anyone? at my job the only quality was based on measurable metrics, like time and amount of times you said thank you. it didnt measure at ALL if you were competent in your job, like knowing the technical skills. so you could fudge the FOOK out of your technical skills. say you did something in the notes, yet you dont know and nobody knows if you actually did it correctly.

so maybe they just said well i dunno MAYBE i gave him the 20 mg, maybe i give him the 10 mg, they both look alike, and the level 2’s dont have time to check my work, and i will just say i gave him 20 mg and them trying to prove that i DIDNT, will take more time than its worth.

and this isnt a life or death pill so maybe there are more loopholes. gotta save money. budgets.

QUALITY costs money. so better you can give shitty quality if you cant prove that the shitty quality came from YOU, or was just an act of god. oh well it was just an act of god, sorry you gotta live with it.

well your products sure are susceptible to a lot of acts of god lately.

yep isnt that weird. sorry cant help you goodbye!

SO…..i empowered myself by checking the IMPRINT on the pill, and the internet said that indeed this was a 20 mg citalopram. and that was a good enough confirmation for me. IG 207 i think it was.

http://www.drugs.com/imprints/i-g-207-14368.html

heh. i hope SHE goes crazy and quits the job.

she was always SO AGAINST people who took meds. i dont tell ANYONE i take the meds unless they’ve told me THEY take meds. so, i dont tell a lot of people. i have told maybe 2 or 3 people in my whole life. friends that i trusted, and who i think were on some sort of pschy meds themselves!

anyway i didnt tell HER that. i told her i have derpression and anxiety tho. but she was convinced the meds are plutocrat mind control. shit i have felt the same way. i get it. in 2012 or 13 i tried to Get Off on Principle, get this POISON and mind control out of my system.

but she prob would have not understood if i told her I took the stuff. she would go the wrong way. she wouldnt say, oh a friend of mine uses this, lets try to keep a more open mind. she would prob go the way of: well if he takes mind control drugs, then hes no friend of mine, hes a psycho weirdo.

do i really want to be with someone like that?

shit yeah if they make me FEEL as lovey dovey as she did!

just cuddling on the couch watching bad movies; and having loving pair bonding oxytocin secs. fook yeah.

1570 calories a day. good lord.

i mean i can do it, i am more confident about losing weight than i am about getting a living wage job or finding a good wife.

just sucks that something SO good can go SO bad. SHE thinks it was MY fault because i was so wrong to get feelings for her. I think it was HER fault for just ignoring and throwing me away and refusing to end the rel in a Respectful, Kind, Nice Way.

IVY LEAGUE IS FOR J3VV15H F4990T5

may 8

yeah buddy. oh yeah. hehehe. really reaching out today. sent message to old friend I am due to talk to before i start bad habits of not reaching out again, sharing some fun news he will like. buying wedding gifts for old friend where I cannot make it to the actual wedding, too much travel hehehe.

so the Reaching Out involves breaking out of Mein Kampfort zone (hehehehehe, stole this classic joke from RamZPaul) but in this case I am glad I did it. Still have to send them some more gifts to get to the dollar amount I said I would spend. nowadays kidz have fancy internet paypal style registries, not bad really, better than sending cash in the mail hehe.

ok reached my limit there, bought them all their gifts. heh. cheaper than flying out there, hotel room, etc, plus gifts. spent a little more than I initially said I would, just because I may never see the guy again, he was/is a great guy, and if I do see him again, maybe I can have some good Karma going in so he can gimme a better job, hehehehe. no he is not super duper successful, which is an anomaly for the skool we went to. although since i am even less successful, i am an even bigger anomaly!!! he is successful enough for normal people. upper working class with a possibly lower middle class wife who seems nice. so good for him. hope he doesn’t get an ivy league phd, hehehe. ivy league is for j3vv15h f4990ts.

first really beautiful superwarm day of the year, 75 degrees and sunny on may 8 2014. thank the lord. has been a real bad winter. broke out the shorts and t shirt for my 70 minute powerwalk and certainly will go back out there. nice.

how about u.

oh wow, just got email response from one of muh managers, was not expecting that! of course he said he could not tell me exactly when I would be rehired. not surprised there. but i WAS surprised to even GET a response at all! Because I’m just a Worthless Little Nonmanager Employee who doesn’t deserve a response! I haven’t worked hard or long enough to earn a response! I’m Not Worthy! I’m Inferior! hehehehe

f00king j0015h n1993r f4990t5.

85 degrees in early may? better go back outside again!

ok did that. not one but two bands i like have new albums that just came out. heh. i almost have no place in my life for new music, i do not get excited about new albums, even by people i like, it always sounds old and tired and boring and tryhard or no fun and not enjoyable and the old stuff was better etc, and healthy happy people are supposed to Get Better At Life as they get Older, Wiser and Smarter, rather than Dumber and Lamer and Sadder.  So many times I won’t even TRY. plus music is too much work, my mind is always elsewhere, worried about something, and the music can’t break through that, unless its something i already luv.

one of the new albums is great, first in many years but feels like they never left, top of their game. other album is ok, not as impressive, but not bad either, maybe better than their last.

ANYWAY I just like to listen to the classical & jazz station. I enjoy jazz more than anything. I will hear a song I’ve never heard and immediately, easily enjoy it. try to listen to it whenever driving at night. so good. wished i’d listened to more (any!) jazz as a yoot. but thank GOD i can still enjoy it now!

who would we be. watching king of the hill losers like us would probably be like bill dautreve, although he is a bigger winner because at least he has an easy stressless job, lives in his own house, has friends, has been married, hehehehehe. but in real life no one could make a living being an army barber. just get your recruits to shave other recruits heads for “free.” but of course this is TEEVEE, not real life.

and also bill is allowed to drink alcohol without becoming an alcoholic and it ruining his life, although it is implied he drinks more than the other guys.

heres a great lifehack protip: leave your ice cream sitting out for at least 5 minutes so it is a little bit softer when you go to eat it and not ridiculously brain freezing cold. 5 to 10 minutes. it even tastes a little better too!

meanwhile 80 years ago, 17 year old “boys” were actually MEN who went off to fight and DIE in WAR, in the prime of their lives, and would become MEN, who, if they survived the Worst Stress In The World, would start fathering children right away!

so what i’m saying is, we need another world war to forcibly draft all our 18 year old boys into war? well not necessarily. I always used to worry, when I was like 12 years old, that a War would start, and I’d get Drafted into War, and that idea terrified me, because I never even wanted to join the military. heh. isn’t that funny. not only is there never any chance of a draft, but joining the military would have been GREAT for me, and now here I am well past draft age.

I think I was scared of Boot Camp and Full Metal Jacket style Drill Instructors, and having to Poop in front of other men, and forced to eat gross vegetables, and get up at 4 am every morning, and screamed at all day and called maggot etc, only to be sent off to ungodly world war 1 style war and be like the guy in the metallica “one” vidya, hehehehe.

go to your stem professors OFFICE HOURS. All Professors. As many Weeks As Possible. Kiss their A and S their D like they were your MANAGER.