STRUGGLE WITHOUT CUDDLES

aug 3

wewlad. well had a big interview yesterday and today i had a “market research” study for 2 hours of “work” for which i get paid $200. sign me up to do this as muh job. give me a firm 40 hahahaha.

it was really very interesting and fun and positive. there were people from fookin STANFORD there. attractive young stanford business students, who were going to become powerful career women and executives, yet some of them just seemed like perky young college students to me. early 20s girls, some of whom looked vaguely Jooish. the type of gurls you see at Serious Colleges. they are always young and always in good shape and always pretend to be smart, rather than big fat burger white trash proles with their fast food guts and tattoos and filthy mouths.  i am a sucker for these midde class gurls. I dont see a lot of them because i dont spend a lot of time around universities, or in workplaces where professional young women are employed hahahaha. but they are definitely attractive. very bangable.

and everyone was very nice and welcoming. sure its fake but i dont care. i will take somebody being fake nice over somebody being whatever. besides, on the level of our interaction, it wasnt really fake fake. i know that drives the autists crazy which is why they HATE small talk and “fake” niceness etc, everything has to be all deep conversations all the time with these autists, and then they wonder why they are depressed autistic virgin neets hahahaha.

they were just successful normies who had no reason to be mean, and its part of their job to be nice and get The Consumers Talking. And I was happy to oblige.

The whole thing was not what I expected. This was all some HIGH END stuff. People from STANFORD. Stanford BUsiness School working on some sort of collaborative project at World Headquarters of a very large well known company located somewhat near me. about 20 miles travel hehehe. going downtown.  the kind of company real big winners work at. which professional good college student boys and girls try to get summer internships at.

there was art on the walls about the power of disruptive thinking and how to be a real change agent. one mural making fun of traditional business type “orthodoxy” and how this company was gonna turn that on its ear and make itself a real Change Agent getting the best Thinkers and Talent to market their products. There were several copies of this SETH GODIN book sitting on the table for the participants to read. I was probably the only one who knew who he is. Notes: I shold probably read some of his books to learn how to speak the bullshit language of business and marketing. SPeak the language of a Value Adder who is WORTH 28k a year hahahaha. which the young professionals I spoke to today definitely made, hehehe. or they were getting a damn executive mba from a top ten biz school where they would then enter into a 150k a year mid manager position.

I was studying them even more than they were studying me. I thought they were going to ask about uber cars. but they didnt at all. They were asking about feelings and emotions and telling specific stories about times I felt more or less “fearless.” I do not have many specific stories because I have not been living life for the past 2 or 3 years or so hahahaha. it then seemed like these teams of researchers were studying ways of interviewing and communicating during interviews. like how can an interviewer structure and guide an interview in the most productive way.

there were little “breakout” sessions where I talked with groups of people for 10 minutes or so. As I did a few more I got more comfortable, less autistic.  then I talked with two people, and our conversation was watched by like 4 or 5 other Stanford Researchers, and we started off doing a “Bad Interview”, then they sent me off, talked amongst themeslves, but I could hear them talking, then called me back to do a “Good Interview”, which really didn’t seem that much different. Like I guess they were supposed to be assholes in the first situation and then nice and open and friendly the second time. but everyone was pretty nice all around.

Then I talked to a real Ubermensch Hyperborean. He was like 27 years old, like 6 foot 3 at least, wearing good clothes, very handsome, very charming, total UberChad. Normally I am suspicious of these guys because they used to make fun of me in high school and they were always the popular chads who all the women chose over short quiet dorks like me hahaha.

but i have become less autistic over the years and he was very nice to me and i was very nice back to him.

one of the Stanford Researchers seemed more autistic and awkward than me!

well, maybe he worked for the Big Company. The big company is very prestigious too, but you don’t have to go to STANFORD to get a job there. You could be a good student at Cal State and get a job there.

but yeah it was exciting seeing these young college gurls. some were quite attractive and I wanted to bang them. but they were both way too young AND way too successful for me. and way too attractive. but here they are being super nice to me and paying me 100 bucks an hour. literally.

how the hell did i get this? because I signed up for a local Market Research Firm like 8 years ago and every once in a while they contact me for big on-site projects with their Big Client, ie this Big Company.  and this one happened to be at world HQ of this big company, and is the most high-profile, high-paying, classy type project I have done so far. This does NOT happen often folks. like once a year or once every 2 years. and often I get DQ’d because I am too old or I dont have perfect 20 20 vision or I dont have a Smart Phone. I got DQ’d from one because I still use an oldschool nonsmart Flip Phone, like all Trump voters hahahahahaha.

it was all interesting and exciting and fun, but I felt ultimately useless, and it was ridiculous these beautiful smart successful normies could make great money doing this “research”. they probably have relationships with people theyre attracted to too hahahaha. well their GF probably cucks them then. well not if they are making 80, 100k a year, or going to STANFORD! so they get the bitchy career gurl as a GF. I mean of course she will ultimately divorce them, but they will get a few good years of monogamous bangs out of her when she is young and beautiful, and that’s worth a lot!

the participants were dumb white proles hahahahaha. no only semi kidding. but i mean who is available during a Workday to do a Survey? Pill Popping jobless white trash, and thuggish nonwhite trash, who would probably rather sell drugs than do a research survey. or forget to show up. there was a potatoe shaped white woman with a broken arm and ugly tattoos on her arm. There were 45 year old white women with some tattoos on their arms. There was a 40 or 37 year old woman who I wanted to bang. very nice legs and body. I should have charmed her. she walked funny as if she had an injury and she gave off a very crazy vibe. she wasnt super hot, but she was DEF hot enough.

i mean if she were being super nice to me like these researchers were, yeah I would like that hahahaha.

this ties into something i realized recently: it doesnt take much for me to generate interest in a person. if they are NICE to me, that’s generally enough. just be nice to me and be good at talking to me hahahaha. which is these researchers JOB, to get me talking. Now I am good at rambling once you get me talking.

but yeah add a little NICENESS in with that, like smile and be nice and dont be a bitch, and then you will have worked your way into muh heart. show some interest in me and dont bust muh balls or judge me. its not that hard, ladies hahahahahahahahahahahahaha

but yeah that is too much to ask of a woman because as a man, it’s YOUR job to LEAD. in life, in conversations, in everything, and I’ve never been good at taking the LEAD.

now one of the women participants was wearing what looked like a JOOISH star of david. she was in her 40s but in quite good shape. probably would bang. would def not marry hahahahaha. I tried to study her face for signs of jooishness. because all jooish women get nose jobs hahahaha.

pretty sure at least one of the cute young gurl professionals was jooish. had reddish hair and kind of pasty skin. not sure about the KHAZAR MILKERS hahahahahahaha.

yeah i mean not all jooish women are disgusting sea hags, some are very cute, I’m ashamed to say. would race mix with /10.

i should have talked to her about it hahahaha.

pretty sure one of the male researchers I talked to was a J. had a very jooish name on his nametag.

its exciting for me because I met a ton of joos when I was at Jooniversity but not since then. I simply do not live in that kind of upper middle class neighborhood, nor have I worked in Professional 50k+ workplaces where Joos would have their Careers. I have no contact with them. I just read about them and listen to TRS podcasts about how horrible they are hahahahahahahaha.

yeah I will never soften on that, but I wouldn’t mind banging a few of those young jooish qts before THROWING THEM IN THE OVEN hahahahaha.

but seriously folks it wuldnt be that hard for them to get a get out of the oven pass from me. just be NICE to me.

i mean im really not THAT hateful, i really CAN get along with Marketing Research people very well! Who are nice to me and make an effort to pull muh talk string. Well, I mean, they dont even need to pull my talk string, really all they need to do is ask me ONE open ended question to get me started, then I could Ramble On for an hour. not that hard.

like i say, i was quickly warming up to the Big Chad Guy just because he was NICE to me.

and im not used to attractive women being nice to me. i mean i just appreciate niceness. if someone is blatantly nice to me, i really appreciate it. that was a big reason me and that woman became friends. because she was just super nice to me and very easy to talk to. i enjoy being nice to people but because i am an autist neet, i seem cold and aloof. but i really enjoy being nice. i sometimes need people to break the ice though. and she did, and she was super nice to me, and i was super nice to her, and we became friends, and after a while, i trusted her and liked her more, and appreciated her niceness more and more, and then i wanted her to be nice to me in a different way, which she couldnt, and then all the niceness was gone entirely.

i appreciate men being nice too. i like nice men too hahahahahaha.

but yeah it DOES take EFFORT to be nice, so it might not be considered super EASY. although sometimes it is easy.

like the people i meet every week for my social event, we get along fine, but we arent super NICE to each other.

also i was reminded how i dont have any STORIES, because I dont get out and LIVE LIFE. I dont DO THINGS, I dont TAKE ACTION, I dont have deep relationships with people, or even exciting ones where story-worthy things happen. i don’t mind being a BORING WALLFLOWER, but I would like to have a FEW more stories. I mean I have that story about That Person but that’s just a PATHETIC story that makes me look like a total WEIRDO….which I kinda am!

Cuz the market researchers were i think studying real high level meta shit, like How People Tell Stories and How People Communicate and How to Get People To Tell Stories about Times When and How To Lead a Productive Interview. Yes it IS pretty interesting stuff!  I would have liked to stay LONGER and I would be happy to give them more in depth stuff. I would sit in a room and just talk for an HOUR if they wanted. SHIT, its a lot more fun than INTERVIEWING. cuz there you are being judged mercilessly, rejected, not being paid anything, and though interviewers are generally nice, they arent SUPER nice like the marketers. i mean you feel like you are being pampered, and people are INTERESTED in you and your stupid rambling opinions are VALUABLE. And they are really suckin your D. I LIKE THAT! Even if I know my opinions dont matter, and their research is shit. I like having nice qt young gurls sucking muh D saying OH THANK YOU SO MUCH!!!

oh even nice handsome Chad Men, where in the Real World I could never hope to have their Sloppy Seconds!

and i dont really see it as fake, because this is part of their job, and for the most part, they enjoy their chosen career. they are a good fit for this sort of work. they are people people who are interested in watching and talking to people.

I enjoy people watching a lot as well, but the people interacting is difficult for me. If I were less Anxious and INtroverted, I would have been a pretty good Marketer and could see myself attracted to that sort of career. fookin normie extraverts, with attractive gfs. attractive men and attractive women. they dress well, are well-liked, live in nice neighborhoods, have careers not jobs, they went to University, total middle class. shiny happy people. beautiful people.

then at 35 their wife divorces them and sets them on their way to a midlife crisis hahaha. but before the women turn 30, it’s all good times. and there were definitely a few “junior level” under 30 women there. probably sucking dick to get to the top hahahahaha. i mean i would have no chance with these 25 year old women. they are dating their damn 40 year old boss. after his wife divorces him hahahaha no problem he just hooks up with a 24 year old gurl with a shiny new MBA.  she also works out and isnt a fat potato who has let herself go.

shit yeah i notice all the fat people vs nonfat people. as a sorta fat person who is becoming a nonfat person. And I definitely want a nonfat waifu. That Woman had a nice big bottom and thighs but she was not fat or overweight at all.

i have never gotten feelings for a fat or even Overweight gurl, so I figure I owe it to them to not be fat myself hahahaha. or not overweight.

anyway the seth godin book was called your turn is now or waiting for your turn and it was actually not bad, i think it was partially successful in its goal to inspire and motivate, that J is good at his chosen profession hahahaah.

this is the kind of place that has no dress code, probably listen to a ted talk every morning, have team huddles, get gym membership and probably very very good benefits, i mean this is a destination career. young achievers with nononline MBAs who wear skinny jeans and i dunno joy division or velvet underground shirts in the office. maybe even have a mohawk. absolutely rides a bike to work and lives in a hipster neighborhood right on the cusp of Gentrification, and also do a lot of pro-nonwhite nonprofit volunteering to assuage their white swpl guily. VERY SWPLy and hipstery for sure.

but also nice and good people skills because they are Extravert Marketers and not total Weirdo Autists. these poeple are def NOT neet virgins. they are DEFINITELY not nevergf or foreveralone. they are socially well adjusted hahaha.

and not so far out they actually make their career in Nonprofits and Activism. That’s a whole other bunch of hipsters.

so i would have no chance with the young stanford jooish cuties, and my 1488 bruders would hang me for admitting to finding any joos attractive, so I simply wouldn’t flaunt it around them. i certainly would not want to marry or have babies with these gurls.

but what if they were really nice to me? over the long term? and loyal and devoted to me?

heh these issues came up in the study. there was stuff like talk about what it means to you for someone to have your back, and alot of the stuff led naturally into talking about relships, the closer and more important the relship, the better. I bet the normies would be led quite easily to telling stories about their GF or BF. a special relationship with someone who is important to you. and I spoke of how those kind of relationships are important to me…….but I dont have any recent stories to tell you.  and there is talk of personalities and fit and im an introvert and dont mingle with new people a lot, but I do enjoy close connections bla bla bla and really talking about some pretty serious issues!

then ding ding time is up, move to the other group! i felt they cut us off just as things were getting interesting.

definitely a very interesting afternoon, the most interesting “market research” thing I’ve done probably ever hahahaha. a lot more fun than mturk or even talking about a damn product. there was hardly any talk of products or services. usually in those cases i just laugh and say whatever i’m really easy to please. just give me a good product at a fair price. hell not even a fair price. and also a company that doesn’t bullshit its customers, or bullshit its employees, and is loyal to its employees, hires from within, doesnt add more and more retarded managers that dont know shit but how to lay off good workers to save a buck.

maybe this is my sign to buy a seth godin book and memorize the bullshit phrases hahaha.

and i am going back there tomorrow! i will try to stay after tomorrow to talk to the people more. see if i can sign up for moar studies. i mean these people are paying me GOOD MONEY essentially have fun and do interesting things where people are super nice to me. SIGN ME UP! I could do this 80 hours a week! for 100 dollars an hour hahaha.

also if i see that crazy 40 year old woman with the nice legs tomorrow i should Chat Her Up hahahaha and try to have short term casual secs with her. she did not have any visible tattoos, which was more than I could say for some of the other women, and she did not look like a potato. that is very important to me hahahaha.

also these bigshots didnt seem THAT much smarter than me. if they can make 100k a year, I can surely make 30k a year. they just had more confidence, and more experience in the normie world of confidence and success and GFs and sheeeit hahaha.

ok found this cute gurl on linkedin who was part of the research today. holy sheet sheet is jooish as HELL with one of the most jooish names you could imagine. need hearing protection for those echoes. she got a BS in 2014 from CORNELL in “design and environmental analysis.” which is probably “organizational studies” which is probably just “HR” for IVY LEAGUE joos such as her.

god damn. she was cute though, I wanted to plow her and maybe even cuddle with her.

but life is a constant struggle with no cuddles.

STRUGGLE WITH NO CUDDLES.

heres another guy in her dept, 2014 bachelors from not an ivy league but a pretty respectable private college in the state, useless degree like me, but lots of good internships and “apprenticeships” preparing him for this role. fellowships and shit. jooish name too. had the same fellowship as the gurl. i am sure they fooked, but do they still fook? probably.

another young woman, possibly latina, BA degree from state college in 2013. no masters degrees here! this state college was my univs main rival and my univ was seen as intellectually and professionally superior to those Boorish Fraternity Business Majors who just want to get drunk and bang sluts and get an easy business degree. total chads.

alot of these people did useless BA’s in psychology, sociology, anthropology. even human resources and hospitality is less useless than those! but the common denominator is, they went to decent, and sometimes outstanding schools, AND, more important, were VERY active in building their resume throughout college with internships and programs that look really good on a resume, which got them into GOOD jobs with this big company, as 2014 undergrads, with no masters degree. it was the internships that did it. they were moving and shaking. that is exactly where I failed.

yeah these kids are like NINE years younger than me, theyre even younger than That Woman. hehehehe. and they are WAY ahead of where I will EVER be, because they made the right moves during college, and I did not. and I can’t make myself young again to make those right moves the first time. these jobs are BUILT for YOUNG high acheivers on the fast track. I ALMOST got on the fast track, and I could have very realistically been there like them. But I missed it. I didn’t even know how to get on it. I had no idea internships were so IMPORTANT.

but its what separates young huge winners like them, from old huge losers like me.

sheeeeit i gotta get muh stuff ready for my interview for the 12k a year job tomorrow hahahaha. and these KIDS are making i dunno 60k a year with potential for a LOT more in the future. and they had useless degrees too! they just did a bunch of really good internships all the way from freshman year.  while i just smoked MJ and got angry that I couldn’t make friends and get a GF hahahahaha. and slacked muh studies and DIDNT EVEN TRY to get internships. I DIDNT EVEN TRY. partially because I HAD NO IDEA. I dont come from that world and no one I know does. NOBODY TOLD ME because nobody I knew KNEW what you had to do. Muh fam is more working class and doesnt know how to succeed in college. We thought that doing ok and graduating is enough. IT ISNT.

but joos from middle class families, their middle class jooish family and JCC makes sure they are on track every year of their lives, because they udnestand the important of getting on the fast track early, and once you miss it, you dont really get a second chance. i mean a 40 year old man who got an online mba is not gonna get these same “entry level” jobs that a 22 year old grad from cornell with a prestigious yearly City Revitalization fellowship is gonna get.

so am i man enough to Game N Bang that 22 year old jooish qt Cornell Grad hahahahaha would that make me feel IN CHARGE, make me feel like a BIG IMPORTANT EXPANSIVE MAN? would that make me feel confident, powerful, and FEARLESS? yeah it would hahahaha tbhfam. it would feel real good.

at one time, like at age 18 or so, i was on that level too. i just fooked up and she didnt. not just her but many people like her. successful, high achieving, fast track ubernormies. they have good social skills and good career skills and were never put off track by their own damn personal issues and insecurities and weaknesses. and they worked hard, their earned what they got, im not begrudging them that. I’m begrudging myself for letting myself get off track when i was young. because i couldnt handle my own not very difficult life. because i should just went to a damn SHRINK but i was too STUBBORN.

i could have gone to a shrink for “free” at muh university. but i was too STUPID, STUBBORN, and IMMATURE.

anyway i will ask the nice smart qt jooish gurl tomorrow if I can sign up with this office for future stuff like this. you dont need to go through that marketing firm, you can contact me directly. and also wanna go to the mikva and talk about mitzvahs and tikkun olam. hahahahahahahahahaha. im sure your jooish BF wont mind if you get a little side GOYMEAT.

sheeeeit getting up at 620 am tomorrow to do damn interview.

i looked at 3 of the people involved with the “ideas lab” on linkedin and one of them looked at my profile in return. not the qt jooish genius gurl. but the not super attractive latina gurl. she is a year older and still 8 or 9 years younger than me and is like a manager or supervisor there hahahaha. ive never supervised anybody or been promoted anywhere hahaha. shes i dunno i didnt get a good look at her at the thing today. she’s under 25 so that automatically makes her HAWT right? I know she wasnt morbidly obese because nobody there is. but how potatoey is she? well everyone there is very image conscious, which means they care about not being fat, which is good hahahaha. i wish all prole women werent fat and trashy hahaha. we have to MAKE PROLES GREAT AGAIN.

its where i come from and what i identify as, but i hate how so many white proles are white trash. it really made me want to Become Middle Class. I liked the Classy Image of it all. the beautiful people, smart and sophisticated, even the WOMEN. the women read books and paid attention to current events and didnt have horrible tattoos and werent fat hahahaha.

but really i can speak both languages to an extent. well…..a very small extent hahahaha. i can speak middle class better than average proles can hahahaha. and i can probably speak prole better than average middle class can. i have ALWAYS been straddling these two worlds.

white trashcan hahahahaha

when i talked to the first set of people today i was very awkward and weird. after talking to several groups i had gotten markedly better, or at least felt more confident, whcih is all that really matters. marketing research proves it hahaha. science. and other jooish lies hahahahahahahaha.

that sweet little jooish gurl probably DOESNT EVEN REALIZE how EVIL her people are. in fact maybe her family is one of The Good Ones.

you think im so antisemitic because I “dated” a jooish gurl 10 years ago, she broke my heart, I got buttmad, it wasnt even a real relationship, it was a 1 month casual thing, i was stupid to get feelings, so NOW I H8 JOOS.

not so! what it DID do was make me interested in joos. studying this Interesting, Fascinating Race. It wasnt until after a few years of studying how horrible they were that I came to h8 da joos. and again i would probably be VERY lenient if young qt jooish gurls were being NICE to me. they can go in the oven last hahahahahaha.

i KNEW she looked jooish hahahahaha. glad to see my joodar still works.

no, she did not have a hideous face like khazar milkers.

also i fully admit that I was an idiot with the jooish gurl 10 years ago. i shouldnt have gotten feelings, i should have just accepted it was a casual thing….but i just cant do that. no i wasnt an IDIOT. I just dont like DEGENERATE casual secs! and joos do hahaha. but in her defense she wasnt terrible mean about it. she was nice and sympathetic when she dumped me. which is a lot more than i can say about that white woman of 2015!!!!!!!!!!!!

but thats the thing. even if this 22 year old jooish gurl is not bad……what is she gonna be like when she is 44, 66? probably acting and looking more jooish. maybe start going to temple or whatever they call it. and how often did she go to JCC during high school? do jooish stuff during college? i didnt see any blatantly jooish stuff on her linkedin resume tho. well she had such a good resume she didnt NEED to put any joo stuff on it, she probably did that stuff ANYWAY because she is a high energy high achiever. worked in joocamp during high school. too long ago to put on res.

also what about her GRANDPARENTS. all joos luv their grandparents and no doubt they have some stories of the CAMPZ and the EBUL NAHTZEES and the OVENZ and the CAMPZ and the SOAP and LAMPSHADES, OY VEY, WHAT A SHOAH.

and beloved grandparents telling those stories to little children can make a big impression.

well why would old grannies LIE about OVENS?

because theyre hysterical and they dont even KNOW theyre lying. you know how some people have really BAD memories and they EXAGGERATE and BULLSHIT.

also i dont doubt there were CAMPS of some sort. i just doubt they were the lean mean joo genociding machines that elie wiesel would have us believe.

maybe i should talk about all this with that jooish gurl tomorrow hahahahaha.

so yeah i can have a failrly normie conversation with people…..it just takes a few attempts to get in the groove. like when i was taking my calls, many of my calls i handled REALLY WELL. i wish i had recorded them. just recorded them all. they did have recordings of all calls but damned if i had access to them.

but when i meet someone for the FIRST TIME, or I have a JOB INTERVIEW, yeah its gonna be a little awkward. why cant these normies just accept that?

like if they gave me a chance and worked with me for a few days, well i would probably act more normie.

well, i mean jobs and interviews, you are iherenlty being judged and evaluated at ALL TIMES, so yeah that puts you on edge.

who DOES make GOOD decisions under pressure? pressure compromises your decision making quality! yeah i can make decisions but theyre not gonna be GREAT!

also, re that woman, why couldnt she look for the GOOD in me? she used to. and the good stuff never really LEFT. I never really changed THAT much. i was still the same good person, i just had these new feelings. why did she ONLY see the BAD, that she couldnt see the GOOD any more at ALL? so yeah that sucks.

look for the good, you used to see the good. its still there. i never wanted to become a bad person. but thats how you treated me! just as bad as losing you is the thought that omg, AM I A BAD PERSON? because I just cant live with that. I do not have much confidence but I used to be somewhat confident I was a GOOD PERSON. I can’t lose that sense of certainty, then Ive lost ALL I GOT.  so losing that was almost as bad as losing HER!

http://www.bloomberg.com/view/articles/2016-08-03/why-millennials-are-having-less-sex

aug 4

had 9 am interview, got it done with, it was actually very good, they said i was very articulate and a good communicator, which  i was happy to hear, since a lot time i worry about sounding like a retarded autist. but sometimes i can Communicate well, ie BUllshit well, its really the ONLY skill i have and the only way I will sell myself for 12k a year hahahaha

OOOOOOOOOO LOOK AT ME, I MAKE THIRTY THOUSAND DOLLARS A YEAR, IM SO IMPORTANT!

http://washingtonmonthly.com/magazine/junejulyaug-2015/the-post-ownership-society/

swpl phaggot writing in leftist mag but he makes some good points about Working For A Living for us shitty nonstem grads hahahaha. not he but she. she also had stupid false points about women being financially devastated by divorce hahahaha yeah right.

i dunno. be sure to read the comments of courshe.

i mean yeah she and many other like her made bad choices as youth which led to them being financially not so good as adults. they shouldnt have taken on 100k in debt in useless degrees.

and i can sympathize because i am also a member of the Bad Life Choices club and now i am Asshurt about it. bitching and moaning that the world owes me a 28k a year job hahahahaha.

yeah it sucks, but at least i am not a leftist communist like the author and her fook buddies. but some of the communists had good points about international bankers hahahaha. and i dont like free markets when they hurt a nation or a RACE. The White Race. I am STAUNCHLY pro-white, unlike this author and her bohemian starving artist friends. but i too am an older millennial and will likely still be Not Making It at Age 35. which is not far away hehehe.

its sorta ok when youre 25 (and even then not ideal, and wouldnt happen in my amerka hahaha), but by 35 youre like holy shit ive wasted my life, ive made a huge mistake, i should just K myself now hahahaha.

i went in to do the interview, got a better look at the facility at the millions of dollars of machinery they have. i mean i honestly think what this place is doing is legit awesome and great, no bullshit. it is training long term unemployed people the skills they need as quickly as possible to get 30k+ jobs. to fill real skills gaps in manufacturing jobs. because the only manufacturing that is left is “advanced manuacturing” and requires more training. and companies dont train. you have to pay to train yourself at a skool. and the supply of that training is very limited, hidden almost. i mean you can pay 14 THOUSAND dollars to take 6 months of training at HVAC skool so you can make 15 dollars an hour there…..or you can pay i dunno less than 7 thousand dollars to get trained on fookin expensive robot machines and make 20 dollars an hour.

they showed me around and there were a bunch of white people getting schooled there. these are jobs for a strong white working class that is an endangered species…..and this place is DIRECTLY acting to fix that. I could not find a more pro-white job or place! they might as well have a huge industrial size OVEN in there where they shovel in joos and blaqs and muzzies and mudsharks and traitors!

if i were faced with an enemy and a traitor and I had but one bullet left, I would let the traitor have it hahahahahaha

I tried to emphasize that I really liked that sort of stuff and would possibly like to become a student here.  i’m not sure they understood how serious i was. but they said i was very articulate in general. i even seemed SO articulate that they asked how I got that way hahahaha. so i said thank you, strong communication is very important to me, and ive tried to improve myself in that area, so it’s good to hear it’s working.

i mean if anything this is a SIGN FROM GOD that I should GET TRAINING AT THIS PLACE on one of the fooking million dollar robot machines!!!!! they get millions of dollars from FEDGOV! literally! department of labor grants which sounds like one thing fedgov is actually doing right with taxpayer money! unless its all theater, a scam. like spending millions to help black keeds graduate high school.

well this shit is more important than high school!!!!!!!! and its manufacturing!!!!! actually building stuff!!!! honest actual work!!!!

these jobs exist but they cant find people to fill them because the Shop Rats dont know such high tech machines! and since companies wont train their own people….they get this facility to train them!!!! getting fedgov and i’m sure state and county money as well. and it is basically a part of the local college. but their training is VERY job oriented.

i mean its the ONE THING that doesnt look like a huge scam to me!

they only thing stopping me is that you have to call them for more information. because you cant just sign up for A Class. but i am fookin afraid to call them. even though i have had TWO INTERVIEWS with them.

that seth godin book caught my attention because it had a bit about staying in your comfort zone, because you are AFRAID to look STUPID. so you dont take risks and do new things. i def understand that. and when it is an everyday part of your job to not look stupid in front of customers, but you feel stupid as fook, you feel INCOMPETENT and STUPID, and then they get mad at you becuase shouldnt you know this shit, but to be PROPERLY trained is WAYYYYYYYYY more expensive than mass hiring and mass hiring.

yeah it does suck to always feel STUPID. anyone would try to avoid that. but whats even worse is coworkers and customers thinking youre stupid and judging you for it! treating you like youre stupid!

IM NOT STUPID, this stuff is just insanely complicated! I went to STANFORD!!!!

and it doesnt really matter how SMART you are, but how good you are at dealing with unexpected weird shit under pressure. they should teach classes in that. with plenty of hands on field work.

you could be smart and flunk out because you couldnt handle weird shit under pressure.

being smart HELPS sure, but not as much as being cool under pressure.

i mean why am i NOT getting training at this place? I mean its actually a possibility for me to take a 22 week intensive training course! cuz i got no job and have the PRIVILEGE of living with family!

basically they need places like this INSTEAD OF HIGH SCHOOL. START KIDS on this when they are 14 years old so that they are 18 they are trained to do fookin 35k a year jobs. THEN see if so many damn people want to go to college. and a lot of them who do go are gonna do serious STEM shit because they are naturally interested in these damn machines that they can ALREADY make a good living with. and now they want to research and develop new types of machines. innovation and growth hahahaha.

lincoln tech is like a univ of phoenix of this sort of stuff. and if you are gonna go in debt for training….get the training in something useful. so i respect lincoln tech a lot more than phoenix. because they are actually giving a useful product.  god damn that recent univ phoenix commercial is awful. they all are. the one with the workaholic young woman studying till Closing Time at the library because Sleep is not Required to get an awesome education or social work career.

yeah well smart people would rather sleep, than spend 60 grand AND every waking minute, to get a job that pays 10k a year. which you didnt need the degree for anyway.

and if youre an autist or awkward, forget it, you are doomed to a life of neetness, becuase how are you gonna actually GET a job and not totally shit the bed at an interview?

previous generations, you could have NO social skills and still get a job. as a mail clerk, or as a Machine Operator. well there are still sweet machine operator jobs out there, but to get the ones that pay more than 10 DAH, you have to have Advanced Training. so the problem is, where are you gonna find that training.  at places like this place i had 2 interviews for. where the best thing was a 14 dollar an hour part time temporary job. but the STUDENTS are getting prepared for like 18 dollar an hour full time permanent manufacturing jobs. the next step seems like a no brainer eh?

i mean this is what i would do with black ghettos. i would transform all high schools and get the keeds into hardcore job training as young as possible. there are blacks in these robot training programs. they are smart enough to handle it, believe it or not. you dont need to be a genius! you just need the right training!

some people say training is useless, well i say some “training” is useless, but REAL, useful training is RIDICULOUS VALUABLE!!!!!!

which means you cant cut corners on training and you should have jeez at least 120 hours of training.

FOOOOOOK got rejected from the college police job, the big lifechanger job. well at least they let me know within TWO DAYS.

A MAN CANNOT CREATE LIFE AND A WOMAN CANNOT MAINTAIN LIFE, said this guy on a mgtow video. i thought that was pretty good.

but yeah that honestly SUCKS about that job. that would have been a YUUUGE deal. 49k a year are you KIDDING me? I could actually have a FAMILY! with a stay at home tradwaifu homeschool muh children!!!!!!

lot harder to do that on 12k a year hahahaha. well they might not offer me the job either.

http://dschool.stanford.edu/

ok its not stanford business school thats doing this project, its the “d.school”.  its business related but also in a gay people way, like positive disruption and radical collaboration and things that dont even make sense to normie proles and is really only intended for the type of Privileged Middle Class Idealists that would go to Stanford.

http://dschool.stanford.edu/our-team/

i mean look at all these happy smiling J’s making tons of money being progressive and disruptive and collaborative and innovative thought leaders hahaha.

DEEP CONSUMER ETHNOGRAPHY oh lord hahahaha see you cant get this in your basic bitch mba program hahahaha you have to go somewhere ELITE like stanford “d.school.”

so yeah i went there, did that, saw the qt jooish gurl who went to cornell and is 10 years younger than me and right now has a better job than i will ever have, as she pranced around the Disruptive Marketing Ideas Space with bare feet and chatted with handsome young middle class videographers about his exciting bike trip across nicaragua, el salvador, colombia, argentina, bolivia and his job in washington DC.

its funny i havent been around people like this since University, my university was FULL of people like this. and then they get JOBS at places like this.

its just a weird weird world maaaan, but they seem to like their jobs and not be derpressed and they are happy to use their intelligent minds to come up with Valuable Ideas and get paid good money to do it. Thinking and talking about important valuable thoughts. thought leaders. innovation fellows. being smart and getting paid good money for it, but not like STEM smart. well, maybe some of them can do SPSS and statistics, ie damned jooish lies hahahaha.

i was in a big fancy skyscraper downtown and saw that this big multinational corporation had lots of cute young gurls like this working there. Under 25 year old girls dressed like young professionals and talking about accounts. they all are business or marketing or HR or Organizational Students or similar degrees from at least somewhat decent schools who have all been Successfully Career Oriented since age 18. I wish I had that drive and work ethic. and its sad to see qt young women pouring their energy into these very high powered careers, rather than into selecting a good man and having children. young. they might marry another successful man who also works in the fancy building and have 1 kid at age 30 when they have been promoted twice or made two or three promotion-ish company moves.

I guess at that point the woman COULD probably opt to stay home and raise the kid because her husband will be wealthy. but you need a wealthy husband AND wealthy wife to live in the best neighborhoods hahaha. god forbid you have to live next to white proles who dont know what the fook youre talking about when you talk about positive disruption and ideas spaces and employee ENGAGEMENT. yeah its called, you stop being productive, youre FIRED. hows that for ENGAGEMENT. produce your quota or youre FIRED.

i talked to the department manager about getting on a mailing list and possibly doing more of the studies. this was the jooish cornell gurls BOSS, who was closer to my age or maybe even a few years older. she was also very very nice and very happy to talk to me. think she was white not jooish. I gave her muh phone number and email. I tried to bullshit a bit about how interesting this ideas space was, and about the stanford d.school. i stumbled near the end hahaha.

anyway thats how you make 400 dollars for less than 4 hours of fun, easy work, where people act all nice and interested in you, and ask for your rambling opinions, and cup and blow your balls rather than busting them hahahaha.  qt jooish research fellows from stanford cupping and blowing your balls hahahahahaha. yes moar pl0x.

she mentioned a book to me, creative or cooperative or collaborative something, and now i cant remember it.

really this is probably more EMPLOYEE ENGAGEMENT than MARKETING per se.

idea emergence. ok i think this is all for “executive development” and reshaping the Executive Culture at this big well known company.

intrapreneurs hahaha. google has a similar thing called google garage

http://www.fastcompany.com/3017509/work-smart/look-inside-google-garage-the-collaborative-workspace-that-thrives-on-crazy-creat

to get even more creative ideas out of their slacker loser employees hahahah. because they were holding back on some of their brainpower and creativity, being fookin ivy league grads who work at google. theyre just not smart or creative enough and need a push to get even more VALUE out of them.

i dunno you cant push people to be creative.

but then these same people say drop the mic things like “great ideas are worthless” basically meaning action is more important than thought, and you have to have “space to fail and make mistakes and learn from them” which i sort of agree with, because people shouldnt be afraid of being judged as STUPID or word, FIRED because they made a mistake. god forbid a human being make a mistake.

paradoxically, you need to be a top 1% winner in life to even GET A JOB (“career”) at a place that even gives lip service to these Hip Cool Innovative Creative Disruptive ideas. REAL companies cant AFFORD to have an Ideas Space and ride segways around and listen to Seth Godin Ted Talks every day. they’re too busy on the phone talking to clients. angry clients hahahha.

and alot of this Young Creative Talent is being brought in from ivy league joos to do fellowships in conjunction with hugeass corporations, to also stimulate startups and nonprofits and social justice things to “revitalize” the city. IMHO the ironic thing is, you can bring in the best and brightest joos with all this positive disruption and innovation, but how is that REALLY gonna affect the average prole? they have no chance of getting a job like these people have. they dont speak the language, they’re not so damn jooish hahahaha.

so big companies send their best and brightest. but 99% OF PEOPLE ARENT THE BEST AND THE BRIGHTEST. they just need average 28k entry level jobs. not fookin innovation creative fellowship jobs available only to ivy league fast track young joos.

Organizational Dynamics. well what about the front level customer service people making 13 bucks an hour, taking calls from people who feel screwed by your shitty product. well just chain them to their phone and fire them if they dont close cases by any means necessary quickly enough.

so thats what i want to know. what is this companys lowass level tier 1 phone customer service, what is THEIR office culture like. or do they outsource that to indians for a quarter a day.  beause they can get away with it.

creativity inc? is that the book?

how anyone can get good at charisma hahahahahah sign me up

FOUND IT. this is 100% the book. from stanford d.school founder. this company is all about stanford d.school.

kelley brothers, IDEO, “Creatives”, these people think EVERYONE is creative hahaha its all about how to encourage it, motivate it, practice it, develop it.

i used to be creative but not so much any more.

http://www.fastcodesign.com/3056415/ideo-silicon-valleys-most-influential-design-firm-sells-a-minority-stake

ok its all about “DESIGN”. design firms, design consultancies like IDEO, design school founded by the ideo brothers.

sooooo uhhhhh WTF is “DESIGN”? product design?

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Design_thinking

jejejej

i dont give a shit about the executives being creative innovant HUMAN CENTERED etc bullshit UNLESS this trickles down to the very lowest levels. the fat bastards answering the phones. help them do their jobs better, help them help your customers better, and good god give them a break from god damn phones all the god damn time!!!!!

basically only rich young jooish stanford and cornell grads can afford such PRIVILEGE and LUXURY and Mental Masturbation and Bullshit! real working people dont have TIME for this bullshit, they are just trying to keep their jobs, and the only “Creativity” you have is how to bullshit and how to cut corners to make yourself appear more productive.  which is a fookin horrible kind of creativity i want nothing to do with.

of course this is not the kind of creativity which Design Firms talk about. they honestly have good intentions. im just saying Real Average Proles dont have the LUXURY of putting good intentions into practice and making a living from it. you gotta lie, bullshit, and cut corners, and im not surprised many people dont like it!

i still believe most people are born good and HAVE good intentions, but shit like their JOBS totally undermines this. turns them into dishonest bullshitting assholes. so sad. well thats capitalism for ya hahahahahahahaha.

heh the joos should be doing these jobs, they would be naturals at this kind of dishonesty. leave the honest jobs for honest people!

so yeah it was just a real interesting experience. and yeah the people were nice and it was fun giving my bullshit opinions with Elite Researchers and definitely some Stanford PHD’s in there. real fookin intellectuals hahaha. i dont get to do that too often. they had really nice snacks for us too. i mainly drank coffee (mixed with water hahaha) and the coffee tasted pretty good, not cheap folgers shit hahahaha. i kid, i normally drink folgers!

https://www.amazon.com/What-When-Your-Turn-Always/dp/1936719320/ref=sr_1_7?ie=UTF8&qid=1470361737&sr=8-7&keywords=seth+godin

they had 2 copies of this book sitting out on the table for us idiot participants to read. i thought it was kinda neat.

YES i am WELL aware that seth godin is a big name and a slimy, sleazy, conniving bullshit artist joo. i just never really read his stuff until there was a book sitting in front of me and I was waiting around for the people to call me for my turn. you know like reading a shitty magazine in a doctors office, but this book was actually kinda interesting.

i mean you really could become a better bullshitter, and I am sorta interested in that. as far as bullshitting companies to hire me and bullshitting women to want to hang out with me. NOT with bullshitting customers as to how It Is What It Is, We Cant Help You, We’re Done Here. i don’t like bullshitting to represent a bullshitting, dishonest company. bullshitting to try to sell myself is different. a lot more potentially rewarding cuz you might get a good job or a good tradwife hahaha.

so just to be clear, i dont hate seth godin, in fact right now i kinda like him and might eventually read sme of his books, and only after that might i truly hate him hahahaha.

i mean i do really need somebody to break me out of my rut and motivate me. a nice qt gf would be ideal, but thats just NOT gonna happen because gfs HATE guys who are stuck in ruts. they are NOT gonna help you out of rut. you need to do that yourself, with the help of other non-gf people like your family, friends, or jooish smooth talkers like godin hahahaha. and only then will the gf come. yes it sucks. yes i wish women were different, were designed differently, were inherently different. but they’re NOT. i wish they could see your potential and help you out of a run. but they DONT, they NEVER WILL, because theyre not BUILT that way. GOD didnt MAKE them that way. unfortunately.

 

 

MIDDLE CLASS DEGENERATES

dec 18

lot of moving parts here. got to move the goalposts. not just push the envelope but sign seal and deliver the envelope. get out in front of the circle wagons and really get your arms around it.

when you are employed, it is easier to speak this language of The Workplace, which in turn will halp you do better in interview if you Talk Like An Employed Person. It’s all just Speaking A Language.

men waste so much energy, time, intelligence, and money thinking and talking and caring about Professional Sports. Even many men who are really too smart for that. why aren’t they focusing on their careers? Are they that comfortable in their careers? In their families? I WISH I were that comfortable. and i am getting real close to being pretty darn comfrotable. nice.

heh. at my weekly store visit, i bought another 3-pack of Trojan Rubbers. I am doing this to build confidence and masculinity  it costs about one dollar per one rubber.

i used to have a few rubbers somewhere, but they expired because i couldn’t get sechs within the expiration date, hahahahaha.

anyway the idea is to have something in your basket, then dart in and grab the rubbers real quick, then put them under that other thing. i can’t even imagine having to ASK for the rubbers or having to have a cashier look at them.

well, if you can simply survive to 30 without being dead or in jail…….good for you.

the other really bad thing would be being ADDICTED to drugs or alcohol.

so dont be too ashamed for being a loser who hasn’t done much with your life. at least you aren’t dead, in jail, or hooked on drugs. congratualations, you are not a degenerate.

so what about successful, non-loser degenerates? because they certainly do exist. middle class degenerates.

so what? they’re degenerates and a degenerate is a degenerate is a degenerate.

they put their career success before their families, before doing the right thing. they support degenerate political and social policies because they sound educated and intelligent and enlightened and progressive.

they can eat and sit on a d1k.

back from powerwalk, watching the best show ever, king of the hill.

its not perfect. but the strength of hank makes up for all of the shows weaknesses, to make it one of the best shows ever. since i could never meet hank hill, i would like to be hank hill.

ok. so a good day would be to smoke w33d with young qt, then we go sit in the sauna and then she sits on my face while she gets all sweaty, then we bang slowly in there, then come back home, and watch king of the hill, smoke a little more w33d, and bang some more.

it is hard to believe that people actually DO this. well, not this exactly, but they have fun hanging out with their Gurlfrans and also having sechs with them. people actually do this.

just like they go to jobs that do not stress them out all the time, so that they can stay up late, get no sleep, and still perform half-4ssed at their job, because they do not have to be “on” for customers all the time, and they won’t get fired if they are not always giving great customer service.

uhh get the book of questions off amazon so you can always have queastions to ask people to get them talking and manipulate them into liking you so that they will do what you want.

hehehe. or how about just be nice to people. i try to be a nice person. and i really appreciate other nice person.  would also sit on my face in the sauna and have true luv sechs with moi and go out to dinner with me and watch tv with me.

men love women more than women love men. men have more empathy.

women think sechs is a basic human right, no scarcity, and that you don’t have to work & compete fiercely for it…….just because THEY dont have to.

this is how womens naturally loving nature has been nurtured out of them by an insanely degenerate culture.

but by this same token, you could also probably convince naturally less civilized races to indeed become more civilized. nature CAN be overpowered by nurture,  SOMETIMES.

but anyway its obvious that being loving is better than being violent.

i like how hank hill was a VIRGIN before he married peggy, and peggy was the ONLY gurl he ever dated. and he craps his pantz and goes bwaaaaah when he finds out peggy had sechs with ONE other guy before him. who was her gay friend who she had sechs with once to confirm if he was gay or not, and he was.

i also like how connie is such an overachiever high strung, wants to get into HARVARD, being pressured by her status hungry parents. however are all laotians really like this? isn’t overachieving more of a chinese thing? and how did khan go from laotian bad boy, to wealthy systems analyst? whered he get his masterz degree? and also i wish that bobby were interested in a gurl of his own race, even though connie is a nice gurl. but i hear they break up in season 6 or 7.

also i would like to see bobby become less of a lazy loser, but he is a great example of a lazy loser. however it doesn’t bother him. he has good self-esteem and is not a spaghetti pockets autist. he can talk to people and will probably not become a 30 year old virgin. he will never pull 7’s, but he will be happy enough with 5’s and the occasional 6. hehehe.

hehehe dont u luv my super cynical worldview. weltanschauung.

GRIM REAPER REALITY

dec 4 2014 thursday 1131 am

day off, drinking coffee, internetting.

have had some of the easiest days at jerb ever recently. but it is still tiring becuase you don’t know it’s gonna happen like that. you go in there expecting a rough day….because historically most days have been rough.

washing laundry.

forgot to take a valium yesterday and seemed to sleep BETTER than normal when going to bed. sleeping solidly till like 1045 or 11 am. nice.

could probably sleep even moar. hehe. a nice nap.

going bankrupt from medical bills.

how do people with cancer do it?

what if you had no health insurance, got cancer, and then immediately got health insurance? would that then be a pre existing condition and they would not cover your cancer tratement? can you get cancer insurance? not that a ton of people don’t get over cancer just to have it come back 10 years later and kill them.  terrified of cancer.

generally against abortion but do not have the same moral qualms against euthanasia, which might make me an immoral degenerate hypocrite.

like to have real talk about how much money people make, what kind of debt and expenses they have, can they afford their health insurance, house, and car; is it worth it for them to spend money on School and Education if it doesn’t really advance their career ie make them more money; and should you get a lesser paying job if it has better health benefits in case you get cancer down the road; and people going BANKRUPT; and not getting hired for sweet cushy govt jobs because they had gone BANKRUPT and employers see that as a sign of unemployability; and people getting divorced, and bad marriages, and fathers abandoning their children; and working class people gradually losing their dignity and becoming denegerate white trash, drug addicts, huge losers, going to jail, dying.

now that is what  call keeping it real!

bascically people becoming huge wage slaves and not even knowing it, being one small step away from total destitution, and not realizing it, people being dumber than they really should be, people not seeing the GRIM REAPER REALITY staring them in the face.

and what is the best way to have and raise children in this Scawy Modern World?

because don’t believe you need to be a super successful, super genius, elite, middleclassfag masterzdegreefag careerfag as a prereq to having three children. This Truly Believe.

Middle Working Class (maybe) and Upper Working Class (definitely) people shoudl still be able to have children. AND homeschool them. and be able to take care of the medical needs of the whole family.

but stupid degenerates should not have children. and very often they DO. they might have more children than the nondegens. and you know what THAT bodes.

so what is the better solution for creating a non degenerate culture? Race or Religion? still don’t know.  back and forth. Actually definitely like Race more at the moment.

hehe like days off. but  also lucky to have a job that pays this much and will never be able to find one that pays more. so just cant quit job hahaha.

plus hate it less than did at the beginning, because better at it.

little later. dried clothes. folded and put away. took shower. ate brunch hehe. trimmed neckbeard. got some sweet stuff in the mail: “the shy man syndrome” by brian gilmartin; and a silver purchase from prvdnt: 2014 mexican libertad, 2014 armenian noahs ark, and $1 face of Junk Silver, which turned out to be four washington quarters dated 1964.

very happy with that. that is .715 oz of silver in there. so each quarter has like .18 an oz of silver. which is like 4 dollars. a quarter is worth 4 dollars. well, maybe 3.50.

ANYWAY,  surprised at how immediately these quarters looked and felt compared to post 1964 quarters. they felt a bit more thin and brittle, had a different sort of “clink” when you clinked them together, and definitely had that super lustrous silvery look to them.

in other words, if you are looking thru quarters for 90% silver, the coins you’re looking for should be screamingly obvious.

should have bought the gilmartin book years ago, but it was an impulse buy on black friday while  reading r9k hahaha. might be useful to r9k types though, who this blog is meant to help, so the book is very relevant to this blog. much moreso than this political racial nonsense! so  try to report on the gilmartin book.

but  happy to report not that shy anymore

was reading about a young man who was now a hundred grand (100K $) in debt for getting a bachelors degree from a pretty good skool. not an elite skool, but certainly good enough to make you middle class. a pretty well-known state college. but he went to a college that was probably too “high class” for him. it is weird to grow up basically working class and then go to a middle class college (as opposed to a working class college, hahahaha)

a hundred grand? and now he can just barely pay down his monthly payments with all the interest. and yet his dreams and creative spirit have not been completely crushed  although think my dreams were pretty much crushed even before got out into the Grim Reaper Real World.

just wanted a nice gurlfran and an easy, low-stress job with upper working class money. only now that old do realize how presumptuous that was, how much that was to ask for.

guess still want those same things!

ok start a new post already.

but  thankful for the family and friends and health that have and pray as best can for their health. even if christianity is weak and pathetic and degenerate.

MEATUS

nov 15 sat 808pm

ok female fren has till 9 pm to text me. maybe 930 at the very latest but damn will i be p1ssed then.

thats if she even texts at all. hey i can’t complain i knew what i was getting into, and she never promised anything, and i estimated my odds at 35% at best. so really i am ready to just stay in for the night and chill out at home and be thankful for all my comforts. watch tv, read antisemitic websites hahahahahaahahhahaha.

actually i am too tired to do that. wouldn’t mind smoking some W. and to be honest that would be another nice perk of hanging out with my female fren, is that she likes to do that sometimes. not too much. but pretty sure she would do that with moi. and i wouldn’t discourage her!!!!!!!

but i don’t even really feel like doing anything else. not reading, not even reading 4chan. kinda feel like blogging, this is bretty good mang, i’m thankful for it.

i could also eat like 9000 bowls of spicy stir fry beef with noodles. smoke weed and go do that and then poop brains out for my whole sunday off.

that is not the type of thing i could do if i went out to dinner with my female fren.

hmmm. maybe drink another throwback mt dew w real sugar, real good.

bought a small back of “menthol gold” tobacco at the tobacconist. of course i prefer to smoke non menthol but every once in a while i want the luxury of enjoying a menthol for maybe 5% of my cigs. and why not.

sure, working class people smoke menthols. but there aint nothing wrong with working class. it is where i come from. well, upper working class of unions and stuff, the type of thing where they like to call themselves middle class, and unions protecting the middle class though. i call it upper working class though, while lower middle class have like college degrees and careers.

middle middle class have real good careers, and upper middle class would be like doctors and lawyers and VP’s.

upper class are so rich we don’t even need to describe them, we will never meet them. PLutocrats, top 1%, CEO’s, banksters, the ruling class, elites, etc.

if you’re in the working class you will probably never meet one of these. and even the highest of the middle class are not going to meet a lot of them.

if you have be above average intelligence to have a fulltime working class job……… then how is the average person employed fulltime in a working class or above job????

also shaving your own neck is the best thing ever. i am so happy i did it. i should have been doing this for years. yes. you can shave the back of your own neck and it will look great and you will be very happy about it.

920pm. got 10 minutes baby. honestly. i was going to bed at this time last saturday!!! watch she will text me at like 945 or 10 pm or something. when i said that 930 was my cutoff time.

next day

858 am. early to bed, early to rise. by 10 pm last night i was so tired. turned everything off and went promptly to sleep. got up early today and wanted to play on internet, wanted to blog and sh1t.

can’t really complain because female fren did not COMMIT to anything. sneaky eh? i gotta learn how to do that, when it comes to wimmin, hahahahaha.  no i don’t think she is deliberately screwing me, besides, i knew the odds were NOT in my favor to begin with. also she is not likely to be out partying taking d1k, but more likely to be staying at home just tired.

heh she might be at three strikes by now hahaha. but she can clear it if she texts me today and says sorry and even better come hang out on sunday. i can hang out on sunday, just has to be early.

had a weird dream where i got into big trouble at Werk for making an honest mistake where i didn’t realize the consequences. This stems from a message i actually got at werk saying please don’t do this because the consequences could be serious. i said thank you, duly noted, i did not know that, thank you, sorry. and that will hopefully be the end of it. but in the dream, there was a huge meeting with all of my managers and it was like they were telling me i had cancer or something. they said i was a great worker which made this all the more unfair. they didn’t want to have to do this, but i still had majorly screwed up.

they said i was going to be able to keep my job and i said thank god thank god, i swear i was not being negligent or incompetent, i just didn’t know!!!! later i said to a manager, you can garnish my wages to help pay for the damage i cause, and then they said, yeah, yeah. Oh yes, we will be garnishing your wages. Not saying the amount, but in a way that implied they were gonna garnish the HELL out of me for a long time because it was a HUGE amount of money, much larger than I thought. so that kinda backfired on me, i  was hoping only for a small garnish at worst. and why didn’t they tell me during the meeting that they’d be taking a huge chunk of my pay? wtf? should i quit? could they still come after me for the money??

first real stressful work-related dream, hahahaha. in real life it wasn’t that bad. the guy just said it as an fyi. i guess it could blow up into a big thing, but i don’t think it will. i will take the warning to heart though and not make the same mistake again. see, there are so many potential mistakes you can make, that you should never make, and it’s hard to remember them all. no easy job.

VALAAM IS MUSICAL VALIUM

oct 9 2014 thurs day off

it is beautiful and sunny, i should be outside, but i want to be inside playing on internet lazily like the good ole days hehehe.

paying out of pocket for crentist teeth cleaning at 2 pm. 1225 right now. got to poop and take shower and bursh teeth and floss before then in 95 mins. erm. drinking plenty of coffee. had small brkfst. listening to valaam. i only can listen to valaam. valaam is musical valium.

life tip: get your calendar to send you EMAIL of important events at least 3 days in advance. becuase you might not check your calendar every day but i guarantee you check your email. so make your email act like your calendar in this way. NICE. for the win.

women wouldn’t be so cold all the time if they didn’t wear sleeveless dresses in the fall and winter, hahahahahaha. it’s called wear a long sleeved shirt for gods sakes. but i get cold pretty easily in my old age.

went to bed last night at 10 pm, slept till like 11 am. NICE.

all about dat bass.

stupid pop song but its catchy and captures this moment in time for me.

i didn’t realize it was a FAT POSITIVE thing. oh well. still catchy.

later. well i got back from crentist, gift, gas, grocery. i should be doing lawn, then pwalk, then cigs. but i ate early dinner and wanted to play around on internet before doing those things.

i am happy that at the groc store i found a great pair of tan pants. they were having a sale on pants from 25 dolllars to 18 dollars. so why not sell them at 18 dollars all the time. i found a pair of Classic Fit Flat Front. this is the best kind of pants you can get. Classic Fit sits nice and high on the waist and has a lot of room between waist and crotch. excellent. i was becoming increasingly disatisfied with my current khaki pants, as they sit too low and i don’t like that. makes you look like a f4gg0t who likes to get fooked up the 455.

thank GOD i have $18 I can afford to spend on PANTZ.

sending muh 200 soldiers to defeat wild mary NOW. wow. this is a BIG DEAL.

WOW. i beat wild mary. and it only took 84 soldiers, not all 200.  well, i wasn’t gonna take any chances. suck muh d, b1tchez.

guzzle cvm from muh c0q, wh0res.

i blame pornography. i am a victim of watching too much pornography during my youth, so now i don’t know how to deal with women.

ok time to do muh chores and stop Laying ABout.

saturday. oct 11. 7.11 pm.

got 30 minutes of overtime. no easy day. never is, hehehe. my easiest day is harder than most people’s hardest day, hehehehe.

should take a valium right now. ok fine i will. and i did. this is because i don’t have w33d hehehe.

working 2 hours of overtime on wednesday. nice.

i should not be so on the fence about my female friend. but now it’s fluctuating day by day. i mean i probably should “pull the trigger” and make a push for her already, what am i waiting for? A woman I am all desperate and Absolutely Cray Cray for like WOman 7? Kind of, yes.  my Passion for Female Friend is increasing, but it’s def not at that level.  but maybe I should just Push already, because she is a great person and would make a Good Gurlfran. and this is all arrogantly assuming she would Like Like an old, fat, short, bald, fat guy like me.

so yeah i should push for her. not let muh fear of intimacy and wimmin get in the way. attempt to get an actual gurlfran for the first time in muh life. i just never expected it might happen out of “conversion” from a platonic female friend. could it? maybe. I mean i have known her since…..january 2013? almost 2 years?

but yeah we get along real well, just don’t have a lot of time to hang out because of jobs.

eh i can give it a try tfor a year. i would treat her good. I like her as a person very much. we could try having sechs and it really wouldn’t be TOO weird, i’ve been working myself up on that front. we could do a lot of fun stuff, I would like to bring some more fun into her life. go to nice dinners, go do fun things, etc. i don’t think her previous boifran was too into that, and i like to think i would treat her quite a bit better. and if she doesn’t want to be treated nice, well then i know she is not the right gurl then. but i think she would take well to it, she is surprisingly well adjusted. other than putting up with perhaps cold and distant boifranz. but i wouldn’t be a supplicating beta either, i can assure you.

are working class more family oriented? good search. I bet they are.  Sure. Yes they are. Working class are more family oriented, and love their families more, than the middle class does. middle class are a bunch of anti-family, status obsessed, neurotic marxists, that only care about their children getting into harvard. and they move far away from their families to new york or LA or DC, and they have fewer children, if any, and have more abortions. citations not needed. f00k those middle class f4gg0ts. working class 4 lyfe.

BUT, it’s crucial for me to add, MY working class is Intellectual, Intelligent, Intelligence-Valuing, Logical, Rational, Scientific, Philosophical, Skeptical, and not Degenerate. A very noble, gentlemanly Working Class.

Upper Working Class. hehehehe.

TRUE LUVSECHS: SECHS WHICH FULLY EMBODIES TRUE LUV

june 15

so i might make one desperate final stand for luv in life, reach out and contact girl8 and see if she is open to meeting, if not, AT LEAST I TRIED. Ideally I could meet her at a central meeting place like 50 miles away and we could have True Luvsechs in a hotel room for hours and then go back to our homes at the end of the end, I would secure her Luv, and use her Luv and hot bod to motivate me to get a Bigboy job in her area, then move out there, make money, and Get Married to her. because although I luv my workingclass area, her middle class area has prob got better jobs.

so how am i supposed to get one of those jobs. wouldn’t it be easier for her to get a job here than for me to get a job there? well if she wants to do that, I won’t stop her, hehehehe.

no she does not have a phd from hypsm or ivy, not even a masterz! Nope she just was happy with the mere bachelors degree and got a sweet job with the university, like i would luv to have.  great health care, they DOUBLE your 401k contribution, prob a union too so you can’t get laid off, etc. great job 4 lyfe.

would LUV to work there, but by now I’m kind of seeing it as Out Of My League, just like Girl8 is Out Of My League, and I will be forever doomed to sh1tty jobs and even sh1ttier women. I can accept the jobs because you gotta have a job, but you DON’T HAVE to have a wimmin, and I will not accept a Lame Wimmin, meaning someone I am not totally 100% in luv with; hey it has happened 8 times in my life so why should I settle for a woman where it doesn’t happen??

like NotQuiteGirl9C, who is a very nice person but who i am DEF not in LUV with the same way i was with gurls 1 thru 8, and certainly have no desire to get physical with, whereas with a true luv girl, I would get DISGUSTINGLY physical with. the perfect blend of emo and physical. which is why i coined the term True Luvsechs. I.E.,  Sechs which fully embodies (pun intended) True Luv.

how about u?

i Literally have nothing to lose. either she can say yes or no. in fact 99.9% chance she will say no. so you’re saying i have a chance, hahahaha.

i mean I really SHOULD do this. there are literally no neg consequences other than her not responding, or saying no. she can’t put me in jail. she can’t get me fired. she can’t blacklist me from other wimmin. and she prob won’t contact me, we all know it is up to the man to make the first move. i was kinda hoping she might contact me if our mutual friend contacts her on my behalf and or tags a picture of me on FB that she might see. he knows damn well that I am very interested in her. I told him I wanted to marry her and have FIVE children with her.

which is not far off from the truth!

so I took about 15 small puffs of wiid on the vacation. no more than one or two SMALL puffs at a time.  never got Too H1gh, which was perfect. exercised great self control there.

but i want to wait a few more days, get it all out of the system, then I am just gonna march down to the temp office, wear muh dress pants, and explain the situation.

also: make a One Sheeter for job search as well. One Sheeters is the Thing of 2014.

i used to have a indeed.com search box filled with 9000 terms:

“assistant OR clerk OR entry OR technical OR full-time OR will train OR agent OR analyst OR operator OR data entry OR junior OR level 1 OR company A OR company B or chess coach or english tutor or tutor or math tutor or paraprofessional or substitute teacher or classroom assistant or program assistant or technical support or research assistant or administrative assistant or oil refinery or climber or welder or electrician or hvac”

and, until recently, I thought The Long Search Term was the way to find ALL possible jobs.

Now I am thinking break it down again. have a separate search for one job. and 9000 diff searches.

but on my one sheeter I will write out that 9000 job list so I don’t forget to make searches for any of them.

also might put a one line inspirational quote on my res. this is the superres of size 8 font, .2 inch margins, and everything i have ever done in my life.

i figure once i get to entry level and am trying to move BEYOND entry level to second level, then I can use a more focused res. but right now I am at least 30 years old, manny years out of college, and STILL trying to find an entry level job that I don’t quit or get laid off from, hehehehe.

while on my social adventure one of the guys said something in reference to another guy’s 16 year old brother, who had no interest in life except to play vidya games all day erry day. no job, no interest in gurls or skool, just vidya. would not shower etc. he said the kid was still young enough to be fixed, but once you HIT 25 YOU GET SET IN YOUR WAYS and you’re pretty much UNFIXABLE. so break his computer NOW, force him outside NOW, because if you get to 25, you’re unfixable, and you cannot break your old bad habits.

heh. I have lately often considered this, ie, your brain takes until the late age of 25 to stop growing, so i was thinking you should never do alcohol or drugs before then. and you do have more energy and creativity then. so you should try to have the basic foundations of your life well in place by 25. of course i did not and now i am paying the price hehehe.

anyway this blog is more for people OVER 25, where it seems SUPER hopeless. well there is hope. you don’t HAVE be under 25 to fix yourself.

anywhere my heart kinda sank when the guy said that, because of course i am a huge loser, and well over 25, and want to have some hope of changing myself.

heh. some trueluvsechs would help that. motivator. reinforcenment. carrot. reward. everything from mere cuddling and making out with gurl8, to full blown perversions with her butt. it’s all good. but it has to be gurl8 or someone where that Luv Switch is SWITCHED ON. jeez. talk about PEDESTALITIS! ONEITIS!

well I do know that Oneitis can happen for at LEAST 8 people in your life. so it’s not technically oneitis.

WE ARE ALL COMPLICIT IN EVIL WHETHER WE LIKE IT OR NOT

june 14

well i grew up in a working class neighborhood and went to a middle class college and was temporarily seduced by middle class values but i think even moreso by middle class gurls, and i still might prefer middle class “cultured” gurls to working class girls, although I strongly prefer working class values and living in a working class neighborhood among working class men. the only thing is that is seems there is a lack of women compared to the middle class nieghborhoods. it is as if all the women are marrying up, hehehehehe.

heh. what would happen if you took lsd and cocaine at the same time hehehehe.

ok maybe even with a little bit of heron on top while were being ridiculous.

during the summer, go to THE LAKE on a sunny hot day as many times as you can. I have not been doing this at all because the main lake closest to my house is a disgusting sh1thole that gets absolutely infested with gross bugs.

it is funny how i never thought of the simple solution: GO TO A DIFFERENT LAKE.

I totally forgot there was more than one lake, if I were just willing to travel a little further.

BE WILLING TO TRAVEL 5 EXTRA MILES FOR A BETTER LAKE.

so that is my resolution this summer.

there are lakes like 14 miles from my house that i have never been to in my life. plus they are in middle class neighborhoods so they will prob be filled with a bunch of cute 18 yo rich gurls, hahahaha.

i was talking to this fun young man who got a sweet job as a chess coach. he implied that it really wasn’t that hard to get the job, and getting the job totally changed his life for the better. he said you have to really reach the kids on a primal level. at first they don’t even really care about the process of the game, all they care about is WINNING and crushing their opponent, so you have to use that as the hook. teach them that you have to set up all the pieces in a formation rather than moving them out willy nilly, in order to WIN.

this is a sweet job and i had no idea it existed. he said you didn’t even need to be good at chess, he wasn’t. and he is making at LEAST $20 an hour doing that. if not $25!!!!!

so i thought what’s my hook. that would be, banging 18 yo gurls, at my beck and call. RIGHT NOW. hehehe. that and or true luv with girls 1 thru 8, or finding a gurl 9.

a bunch of guys were talking about how much they liked science fiction novels & stories, like really far out true scifi geek stuff, not just newb game of thrones stuff. one guy even had an idea for a grand scifi epic that would span many books, and he was just getting his ideas together and could not wait to start writing it. i told him to start writing it ASAP because I would like to read it.

then of course i thought, when was the last time i was obsessed with stories and writing like this? not since i was like in 6th grade. since then it has been a huge struggle with skool, work, and wimmin. and never really getting anywhere in any of them hehehe.

i was thinking that “metal” music is very very masculine, however it is probably the form of music women/gurls dislike the most or find the most creepy. this is problematic to me because i have always had an interest in metal, sometimes a rather obsessive one. now, metal in 2014 is peaking in popularity, it has even become Hip to Hipsters, and probably also at its most popular with women than it’s ever been. nonetheless, you should not make more than 5% of your Party Mixes Metal or it will scare gurls away.

i thought it was strange that something so MASCULINE would turn women OFF, since women usually are turned on by Masculine Men and masculinity as well. well, this is probably because metal is masculine in the outsider / gamma / mgtow / lone wolf / antisocial, whereas a True Alpha is more social in that he is a leader or treated as a leader, rather than rejected by the people in his group.

similarly, very few wimmin actually luv watching american football, for example, but they do like the hunky big strong masculine men who play it.

if you ever do lsd, make a 6 hour voice recording of all your thoughts.

june 15

so i just had this very nice little adventure, reconnect with old frands, and what do i do? dwell on the fact that my old frand Dated Gurl8 and got her to fall in luv with him and to cuddle with her and make out with her and lick her ahole and feel sorry for myself that i had never experienced something that good before.

well i am thankful for the chance to see him again, also it’s almost a bit better that he dumped her because that means he is SO over her and she is way in his past; also it got me thinking about actually reaching out to her in a desperate final bid for Luv In Life, just to get rejected and get it over with, kinda like I did with Gurl7, except Gurl8 lives like 100 miles away and Gurl7 lives in muh town, hahaha.

also i am very thankful for having met this nice young man where we really hit it off talking about philosophy. i remember he said one thing early on that impressed me. one of the friends we were with is a serious marxist leftist activist, and the guy i anticipated having potential problems with, but he actually turned out all right and I got along well with him despite our political and lifestyle differences. anyway he refuses to shop at gas station x because they are the most evil gas station. we were mildly joking about that and I made a sarcastic remark about not wanting to be complicit with the evil, maaaaaan, and my New Buddy said something like, We’re ALL complicit, whether we like it or not.

so i liked that. and is a nice summary of why I am not An Activist.

well we weren’t really being mean to the other guy behind his back or anything, just that the activist lifestyle is so front and center that it’s impossible not to notice.