COMMON COURTESY IS A REASONABLE EXPECTATION

sept 14

i dont WANT an EXPLANATION of WHY, I already know WHY, that’s nothing. I jsut wanted to be treated nicer, like a human being, like i mattered, like our Rel mattered, like it was an important rel between two human beings. sheeeeeit i already know WHY. the WHY is not important. I just wanted more kindness and gentleness and less ice coldness hahahaha. treat me and our Past Rel with DIGNITY.

i dont are about why. i already KNOW why. case closed. i just wanted to know what she was thinking regarding hurting me. did you really WANT to HURT me? and WHY was THAT?

other thing: besides being humiliated on a personal level, i felt humiliated on a woring level: i failed at this job, while she succeeded at the same job. She could handle it, I couldn’t. She’s moving up, I’m moving down. I cant handle REAL LIFE as good as her. She is a winner, i am a loser, and losers like me dont deserve to associate with winners like her. and maybe thats why she rejected me so brutally on a personal level. because i was just inferior scum in every conceivable way. i was like the slimiest, most scheming little sleazy greasy joo to her.

and i think abotu how women Botch Relationships and Emotioanlly Overreact (I screwed up TOO but she screwed up WAY more), and I think, how the hell can women do JOBS and make 13 dollars an hour??? you need to make GOOD decisions! you need to have a record of excellence! you need to communicate clearly and decisively! women cant do this shit! they are like a 50 foot baby with a flamethrower! how can they be mature enough to handle a 13 an hour job, LET ALONE a 20 dollar an hour job??!?!?!?!!?!?!?!?

she never made flashcards! she never looked at old cases! she never studied when she went home! she never did homework! yet i failed and she succeeded! I wanted to know how shit worked, she just said idk lol! and got a man to help her! and she is the winner and i am the loser at life! FOOK THAT SHIT!!!! FOOK THIS GAY EARTH.mov

maybe i should embrace hating women like i embracing being a racist.

so i thought, well i dont even HATE other races, i just dont think races can coexist all that well. but women of my own race annoy the shit out of me just as much or even more than people of other races!

and this is not good, i thought. it jsut doesnt feel like something natural or sustainable the way being a racist feels pretty natural. i dont really WANT To hate women in other words.

also, for a man like me who wants so much to be a father and have children…..i dont think its a good idea for a Good Father to HATE WOMEN!!!!!!!

Good Fathers don’t hate women, they get along with women and teach their children how to get along with women!

so yeah in order to level up to pull good women, i need to learn how to deal with low level trash women on okcupid hahahaha.

i guess muh goals in life were never specific enough. find a nice gf. that became find a nice gf and make her muh waifu. as i got older. then that became have children with the waifu. and also get a 13 dollar an hour job with benefits and weekends off that doesnt drive me crazy. that is all.

maybe GOD is not calling me to be a father though. or even to be married. some people are called to be SINGLE 4 LYFE. Its just very weird though. cuz some of my biggest goals were to be married, have children. now GOD is telling me that i’m WRONG??!?!?! these arent horrible ungodly things! GOD LUVS marriage and family and so do I!!!!!!

but maybe  this is not what GOD has meant for me and my life. which is frustrating, because, like i just said, god LUVS marriage and family!

so i thought that well, maybe i’m supposed to be single and childless and I can still support marriage and family by…..doing marriage and family related work. it just seems frustrating though. that all these people can get married, have families and children, some of them are totally shitty too. and i’m meant to SUPPORT families, but i’m not allowed to have a family myself? it sounds CRUEL and SADISTIC!!!! like TORTURE!!!!! God doesnt just TEST us, he TORTURES us!!!!!!!! why the hell CANT I have a family?

well, besides I am totally not ready for it. but i really should be at this age. I mean realistically i have too many ISSUES to be a husband and father. unfortunately. but its the truth.

also, i want to know if i did something terrible, SO I DONT DO IT AGAIN IN THE FUTURE!!!!!!!

i dont want to fook things up this bad again!!!!!!

but again thats an unknown. most likely i didnt do anything horribly wrong, like lie or cheat where i really AM the bad guy at fault. sometimes that shit DOES happen. sometimes it IS your fault.  sometimes you ARE the bad guy.

it would have almost been better if she said YOUR THE BAD GUY, THIS IS ALL YOUR FAULT.

heh. maybe.

i hate making mistakes, but i might hate NOT KNOWING if i made a mistake or not even MORE!

i mean if i ever get feelings for a friend again, i WILL handle it differently, namely, tell them assertively and quickly.

oh yeah. when women think “ALL GUYS LOOK AT PORN.”

WRONG! so yeah that is triggering. they havent met me yet! I dont look at porn because it is jooish filth that ruins women and men! poisons the mind and soul!!!! i actively do NOT watch porno and can’t imagine wanting to watch it EVER AGAIN!!!!!! its DISGUSTING!!!!!!!!

applied for 5th job today. army related job. administering asvab tests hahahaha. 15 an hour. found out it was casual/intermittent, meaning no benefits. sheeeeeeeeeeeeeeit. thats the whole reason to get a fedgov job!

well i did not see that until i was 80% done with the grueling 16 minute application hahahaha.

NOTE: the first time you apply for a USAJOBS job, it will take MUCH longer to build your superresume, get all your shit together etc.

all guys do not look at porn, just the manly men you date hahahahaha

omega male sex negative neets think porn is disgusting degeneracy hahahahaha but we are invisible to women so…..

Women SHOULD be CAUTIOUS, they can get PREGNANT!!!!!

BE MORE CAUTIOUS! SHOW MORE CAUTION! DISCRETION!

how can someone with the maturity level of a CHILD make an ABOVE AVERAGE INCOME???? make WAY MORE THAN ME?

also it sucks when they are much more mature with other people, and super immature with you.

then you wonder, what did I do, so I don’t do it again!

but what you did was not super duper offensive, but just basic bitch communication mistakes.

besides, if you are doing something SUPER wrong, like lying or cheating…….you usually KNOW it, and you think, welp, I can GET AWAY with this, they’ll never find out. nothing like that here.

TEN dollar an hour job where posting calls for EIGHTY wpm typing. i have 60.

EIGHTY words a minute for TEN dollars an hour. 

wtf?

113 people applied, so i should apply too hehehehe.

i have a great SUPPORT SYSTEM, so why the hell am i so insecure and unstable and struggling and on the edge?

i have to remember, i dont hate all women. this woman i see at my weekly game, she is very nice and good and i like her and she doesnt annoy me. when i first met her, she kind of annoyed me a little but now i totally appreciate and like her. too bad i am not in luv with her hahahaha. i really didnt have any of that interest in her. not a slut either. darn near asexual which was starting to become weird…..but in the past few years she met a good decent man and they are getting married. pretty much a perfect situation there. he is pretty masculine and not a niceguy wimp pvssy like me, but i get the idea that he has morals and was not a degen womanizer at any point.

separate website for FBI jobs, they are not posted on USAJOBS………i dont think.

ok applied for gs05, 32k level job with air force. it specialist hahahahaha. now this is more like it. there are some fedgov bennies hahahaha. however no specific openings at my local air force base. might never be an opening hhehehe.

ok 6 jobs for today hehehe good enough.

well 7 would be better but i am getting back on the horse. i mean SHEEEEEEEIT, i might have to get to 600 jobs. at 600 i will start sucking dicks for recruiters until i become blacklisted by every recruiter in town. there are a lot of recruiters in town! sometimes it seems there are more recruiters than nonrecruiters hahahaha.

anyway im saying it would take MANY YEARS for me to burn through every recruiter in town.

but yeah it bothers me that a person can be more successful than me yet be a lot more immature than me…..and i am pretty immature.

also, i was the one putting myself out there. she wasnt really putting herself out there at all. she COULD HAVE. in the sense that it would have took some agency and initiative to Respond to the Request, and say Listen, I’m Not Interested, Let’s End this in a good way.

but no she just shut down entirely.

i did not shut down entirely regarding HER.

i did kinda shut down regarding my job and my life.

but its impossible to communicate or deal with a person who SHUTS DOWN.

basically, she shut down, I didnt. I was begging her not to shut down.

yeah, i shouldnt have BEGGED…….but jeez. if someone is begging you, just humor them. i dunno. ive never had anyone BEG me before. I imagine i would write them an email hahahahha.

SHE SHUT DOWN, I DIDNT.

you cant do anything with someone who shuts down. cant communicate, cant make the best of a bad situation. shutting down is abotu the worst communication there is. i did bad communication but not this bad. i didnt shut down.

how can SHE make more money than me and be more successful at life than me???!?!?!?!?!

and in relships too. she had a 4 year relship that could have resulted in marriage. i have never had a long term monog committed rel with a woman, ever.  that in itself is a damn red flag to women, and i have to damn lie about it essentially, or just avoid talking about it.

but i also feel like i havent been given a fair CHANCE. give me a CHANCE and dont GIVE UP and WALK OUT on me. im not THAT bad!!!!!!!! i honestly believe that! im not perfect but im not THAT bad!!!!!!!

i dont SHUT DOWN. I’ll write you a longass email before I shut down. Or leave you a 5 minute voice mail of me rambling. i will tell you whats on my mind in great detail!!!!!!!!! look at this blog!!!!!!

http://www.theabsolute.net/misogyny/onwomen.html

dont look for a redpilled woman, you wont find a decent one. just find a nice decent wholesome woman who has not taken too many dix and you can make her redpilled.

i have known this for a while, i am very comfortable being the red pill person hahahaha. just want a wholesome, moral, decent, nice, woman, thats all.

fook politics, fook redpills, fook race, fook music, fook taste, fook coolness. dont sweat the small stuff hehehe.

she will prove her race loyalty simply by not being interested in fooking nonwhites. and OF COURSE she WILL say something like “but Im not racist, i swear!” im not so autistic any more that I want a woman to say “yes Im proud to be a racist!” for a woman, thats just WEIRD!!!!!!!!!!! for a man, its pretty cool tho.

its very similar to when i was young, i thought it would be so cool to find a waifu who liked METAL. now im smart enough to know that would be a fooking clusterfook. it would be similar to find a full on 1488 waifu. they would prob be bipolar, borderline, and fooking ingras in 6 months.

note: i don’t think That Woman was Over the line crazy like that. she was acceptable levels of normie female crazy. she just greatly disappointed me is all. she is still way less evil than average. a good person who did something very disappointing to me. shit i would take her back in an instant hahahahaha.

i mean women are just not good at making real world judgments and doing things in the real world. yet they make shitloads more money at jobs in the real world. when they have no real SKILL in the real world! i mean when it comes to SERIOUS shit in the real world,  you’d be a fool to trust a woman! they jsut dont have it! and i dont say that to be mean! its just the way it is! its just not a good match for them! their skill set is elsewhere! namely, raising children. and heres the thing, that can of course be extremely compromised as well. in the current year. so many times it appears that many women are good for absolutely NOTHING.

i mean many women in the real world are literally good for absolutely nothing. its sad and horrifying and it didnt have to be that way.

and that woman, she was not one of those worthless women. like i say, i hurts a lot more to be rejected by the good, decent women. those are the ones that take longest to get over. because something of great value was lost. as opposed to something of no value. or negative value hahahaha.

i guess i should meditate on this real life woman i know who is not a piece of garbage, but actually a decent, good, wholesome, moral person. nope she is not redpilled, nope she is not politically minded, yes she likes the worst music and tv shows and movies ever.  but she has good morals, has lived according to those morals, and would make a good wife and mother. perfect. i am not attracted to her but i wish I were. well actually not, because she is getting married and good for them i say. its about time. really she’s getting married a little late at like age 29 or 30, but better late than never in her case.

so whenever i think of That Woman, i should replace her with thoughts of This Woman. Yes.

and i dont think even if you cut muh balls off it would even help. my secsual libido is not the problem. its loving people who are gone, unavailable, and never luved me.

ok want to get in at least 2 applications before my afternoon powerwalk hahaha.

ok got in 3 but they were so low energy. local shitty hospital using ultipro ATS. it kinda incentivizes low energy applications. 3 to 5 minutes each. can only have one resume/packet on there at a time. ideally this is ideal, and employers wouldnt care if you only took 3 minutes on an app vs 30 minutes. but of course they do. and if you spend only 3 minutes, you will get screened out.

yeah tv is really triggering. i usually have it on as background noise……..but i really SHOULDNT. this is not a value added strategy hahahaha.

got 3 apps in real quick. the jobs.com site said full time but 2 were ACTUALLY part time. i dont think this is intentional. i think it is just basic incompetence from whoever manages the jobs.com postings. basic bitch not knowing how to do your job so you just Fudge It and pretend like you know what youre doing…..even though you have no idea of best practices. this is very common. this is the norm hahahaha. norm 4 normies. normies gonna norm hahahahaha.

ok time for powerwalk.

ok did 4.18 mile pwalk. listened to azzmador talking with grandpa lampshades.

ok this isnt the exact one but i should listen to this one.

they are both total laid back southern gentlemen, i have difficulty telling them apart hahahaa except azzmador has a slightly deeper voice. but i love this laid back, polite, friendly, southern hospitality.

very j00 wise alt right type guys who each do their own podcasts but not on trs. but i am sure they approve of trs. they are not renegade tier or anything hahahahaha.

heh. if i am going to have children i cant afford, i might as well do that with some woman i am madly in luv with and would never want to leave hahahaha. of course she could veyr well want to leave me!

because honestly i cant EVER imagine being ABLE to afford children!

heh. i could probably smoke MJ all day, then take the next 2 days off, and then my system would be clear to pass a drugs test. thats pretty good right?

ok how about 3 days.

really the best think i can do is powerwalking hahaha. i wish i was as good about lifting. but powerwalking is my strength, muh skill set, and i want to be the best powerwalker i can be hahaha.

the other thing i naturally do is writing this trash……………… and tbh the powerwalking is a lot BETTER FOR ME.

the writing CAN be good SOMETIMES but it can EASILY go both ways.

the walking cannot. the walking is ALWAYS good. cant go wrong. win win.

these women are NIHILISTIC and SOCIOPATHIC. the horrible lives they lead. the empty, shallow relationships. the things they value. MORAL INVERSION. NIHILISTIC and SOCIOPATHIC. treating people like OBJECTS.

i have been antsy since not having an interview is a while. and i am at 18.5 and i need to get to at LEAST 25. meaning 19, 20, 21, 22, 23, and 24 are all gonna be worthless. other than getting me one closer to magic 25.

but 25 isnt magic! like i say, on the whole, i feel i do PRETTY GOOD on interviews! i mean i dont SLAM DUNK it, but i still feel i do well enough to get an offer before 25!

bridget jones baby? a 50 year old slut with tons of grotesque plastic surgery creating a miserable innocent life out of her 50 year old adolescent sluttery? absolutely disgusting! if i didnt have the tv on i would never have seen that bullshit movie commercial!

women cannot give good advice basically. if you ever need HELP with figuring something out, god forbid you go to a woman. they might mean well, but my god they cannot give good advice. they MIGHT mean well though. that does count for something. but dear god dont take their awful advice. what makes /r/relships so shitty is all the WOMEN chiming in with their shitty advice. i need a MEN ONLY forum. but not necessarily a MGTOW or got forbid GAME forum. but 99% of Men Only forums are going to be MGTOW, MRA, or Game.

well, not TRS though. but TRS doesn’t have a relationship section. but they should hahahahaha.

MAYBE I SHOULD START IT hahahahaha.

I think it would go over better than me starting a Neet Section.

but I DO like having a Neet Blog which is very Alt Right!

like women will tell you that college and career is more important than a rel, and encourage people to break up just because theyre YOUNG and those early relships NEVER work out, you have a chance for a great FUTURE by getting into a Top 50 school, so just break up with so and so even though u luv them. bullshit advice like that.

women are so BLUE PILL on things like college. they were encouraging another woman who had left a 45k a year job so she could go back to COLLEGE and become a TEACHER. holy SHIT.  thats exactly the kind of bad advice women give. because you’ll be so glad you got your teaching degree and now make 20k a year with part time sub jobs and no health care. babysitting feral black chirren.

https://bu.reddit.com/r/relationships/comments/52xouc/recently_my_girlfriend_20_f_and_i_19_m_of_25/

not a lot of commentary right now. but i want more people to say yeah she is really an ice cold bitch, not “it doesnt matter, youre not entitled to anything.” no, of course he’s not, but IT WOULD BE NICE if she could DIGNIFY A 3 YEAR RELSHIP by not meeting these sleazy new friends, staying up till 6 am, going on tinder right in front of him. show some COURTESY for the HEART you are breaking and the Long Term Relationship you are Single Handedly Ending, I would tell her.

dont tell him “its over, get over it.”

yes of COURSE he should go no contact but give him some moral support at least. damn. judge her behavior as shitty and sleazy!!!!!!! judge her as the bad guy here!!!!!! because she is!!!!!!!!!!!

now i dont talk too much shit about That Woman. Sometimes sure. but not overall. most of this is just me grieving and moaning and whining. but i can’t say what a shitty person she was…….because she wasnt. she was honestly a good decent wholesome person who just dropped the ball here and disappointed me greatly. but it wasnt because she was a shitty, horrible person. she just fight or flight and shut down. she could be a great wife and mother to a different man.

ok i turned off the tv and am listening to beethovens 1st symphony. not sure why. just wanted some classical music symphony fast. something that wasnt too jooish. and that is a symphony.

she doesnt NEED to consider your feelings. again, technically correct, but to tell the guy that…..that is weak womanly advice. no, she doesnt need to, but she SHOULD, after 2-3 YEARS, show him some god damn COMMON COURTESY.

COMMON COURTESY IS A REASONABLE EXPECTATION.

https://bu.reddit.com/r/relationships/comments/52wdvu/i_31m_am_having_an_extremely_hard_time_moving_on/

she wants to be just friends, he thinks he needs to go no contact and cant do just friends because she broke up with him and he still wants her. he sees her at bar, is drunk, gets emotional, now he’s the bad guy. come on. meanwhile she’s tweeting about fooking strangers off tinder. god damn. so he’s supposed to be cool with the love of his life dumping him and fooking randos. and hes the bad guy for getting upset once. come on.

COMMON COURTESY from the woman is a reasonable expectation. not tweeting about EVIL DEGENERATE NIHILISTIC SOCIOPATHIC casual secs and being a filthy, degenerate whore. he has every right to be upset. yes he should go no contact.

so yeah. whatever happened to common courtesy. human decency. early termination fee. treat the person youre dumping with respect and kindness because THIS HURTS THEM.

casual secs IS unqualifiably degenerate, and she wants to throw away something good and wholesome, to do degenerate filth. of course he has a right to be upset.

at the very least she shouldn’t be pushing him to be friends, to understand that he is hurt, and needs no contact.

what did SHE do when Chad dumped her? probably some really shameful things trying to get chad back! and then fooked a bunch of casuals when chad laughed in her face!

now she’s pissed at the guy SHE dumped because he’s having a hard time with it? what a fookin coont!!!!!

and when this bitch on reddit says yeah you did act like an asshole, he responded with yeah i know i feel so bad about it, i know i should apologize to her etc etc. i downvoted the bitch hahaha.

common courtesy. human decency. part of the social contract of having a relship is NOT BEING A PIECE OF SHIT WHEN YOU END THE REL.

HAVING THE RIGHT TO SINGLE HANDEDLY END THE REL SHOULD COME WITH THE RESPONSIBILITY OF NOT BEING A PIECE OF SHIT WHEN YOU END IT. 

so many women didnt get that memo. too immature.

and i dont care if i am making a should statement. THIS SHOULD BE A SHOULD STATEMENT!!!!!

STAND FOR SOMETHING OR YOU WILL FALL FOR ANYTHING.

STAND UP FOR WHATS RIGHT, GOOD, JUST, TRUE, AND BEAUTIFUL.

DONT BE A PIECE OF SHIT.

DONT BE A NIHILISTIC SOCIOPATH.

DONT BE A JOO.

now that is the type of lecturing i can support!

i would be a great lecturer. sermonizer.

oh but they broke up 4 months ago so everybody should be KEWL, thats plenty of time to get comfortable with the love of your life dumping you, without willing to work on it, and fook randoms, and youre the bad guy to get upset at that and not want to be her platonic friend and hear about her degen secs life. god damn fooking degenerates. i am this close to private messaging the guy and telling him he is totally in the right and not to listen to that bitch that said “he definitely fooked up”. fook that bitch!

RELATIONSHIP BILL OF RIGHTS AND RESPONSIBILITIES.

you HAVE to include the Ending Terms in their too.

THE ENDING IS PART OF THE RELATIONSHIP.

so yeah it IS her concern, it IS her business. if she can end it on her whim, then she has to put forth good faith, good will, and effort to do the WORK necessary to end it at her whim. and that involves human decency, common courtesy, and not being a piece of shit. wow. i guess if you ask for that, then you are the bad guy.

you’re the bad guy if you think casual secs is degenerate and bad and a terrible way to finish off a beautiful LTR.

cuz its all the same, theres no good or bad or right or wrong.

and this is 30 year old people with professional careers, level 2 and above making 60k a year, saying all this disgusting shit.

FOOK THIS GAY EARTH!

and she has NO IDEA why the guy is upset! unbelievable! a 29 year old woman with the maturity of a 12 year old and she makes more money than i ever will!!!! unbelieveable!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!11

TREAT PEOPLE THE WAY YOU WANT TO BE TREATED!!!

DUMP PEOPLE THE WAY YOU WANT TO BE DUMPED!!!!!

how can all these WOMEN not even BEGIN to understand that????!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!

no not all women. but a good 50% of them hahahahaha.

half of them are in this basket of deplorables hahahahahaha

its amazing you have to shout these Things I Learned In Kindergarten to Grown Fooking Women.

well remember its not all women. only HALF of women, hahaha.

oh but the ending isnt part of the relationship, these sneaky little j’s claim. i dont have ANY responsibilities the second i say “im done” and walk out.

that is an extremely JOOISH view of humanity and human relations. all these sneaky little loopholes, just like a joo trying to joo you out of service. sorry goy thats not in the contract. here’s the thing, there is no real contract. no exchanges, no refunds, no service, thanks for the money, chump!

theyve turned our women into sneaky little joos!!!!!!

i dont want to talk to women, i dont want to read womens stupid thoughts. the only time i will listen to a woman is if she is being NICE and PLEASANT. women CAN be good at that when they want to be. having just utterly harmless, charming, nice small talk, just being damn NICE. its really not that hard. doesnt take a lot of effort, energy, or creativity. just be nice. dont be an annoying, unscrupulous joo.

sept 2016: i keep hearing hearsay that millennial woes got a ladyfriend and that it is makign him more confident and masculine. I HOPE SO!!! GOOD FOR YOU LAD!!!!!!

I luv MW but havent listened to him lately cuz i dont luv the hangouts. anyway i would be VERY happy if he got a nondegen waifu, he DESERVES a good waifu, and indeed it would help him become an even better man…..as waifus can potentially do. shit it would help ME!

sept 16

yeah so i dont care that mw had a gay past, except that it makes him kinda neurotic and despairing and has consequences for his current mental/emo health, but he can certainly mitigate those consequences, and i believe he has done that. now i just hope his gf isnt a degen bitch who dumps him and breaks his heart because that could really set him back. i know. hahahahaha. remember he also fell in luv with a WOMAN before and when she rejected him, that broke his heart for YEARS and that hurt him a LOT. ive been there hahahaha.

i mean yeah this is what i am obsessed with. muh white whale. muh wheelhouse. relships between men and women. period. that is what i should do my career in. period.

so funny. for most normies this is just an accepted part of life. you get a gf and bang and sometimes it works out and sometimes it doesnt, but you just keep going until at age 25 you find someone you could probably marry and then you marry them, have children, and maybe they divorce you in 5-10 years.

but theres no need to study and obsess and analyze because you know you have the tools to be in a serious LTR because you’ve been in them before or you’re in one now!

since i have never been, i just don’t know that i have the Tools. and that is part of my obsession, studying How Women Are, and How Men Are, and the nuts and bolts of communication, problem solving etc.

when REALLY, i probably ALREADY HAVE the Tools i need, i just havent found the right woman. who is willing to let me use those tools hahaha.  because they were never WILLING. they were not OPEN, they just wanted to WALK AWAY. because they Just Werent That Into Me. but it they WERE, then I would have the Tools and the Communication Skills to make it last at least a year!

but yeah these normie women are like ROBOTS. date a guy, fook him, fall in “luv”, get some abortions, fall out of luv, dump him, and IMMEDIATELY start the whole process again with a new guy. it sounds both EXHAUSTING and DISGUSTING. how can you do that? how can people be so interchangeable to you? how can this “closeness” be so casual and meaningless????!!?!?! its NIHILISTIC AND SOCIOPATHIC!!!! and exhausting and disgusting hahaha and grotesque and horrifying, very blackpill.

but maybe IM the fooked up one because i take this shit too SERIOUSLY!!!!! and when i get heartbroken it takes TWO YEARS to get over them! whereas with NORMIES it takes 2 months before they are fooking other degens!

hehehehe i luv muh waifus literally TWELVE TIMES more than normie degen women luv their men!!!!!

but yeah it makes me think that normie degens incl half of women just dont Luv People the same way I do. or at least at much less of an intensity. And when the difference in Degree is Twelvefold, it may as well be a difference in Kind!!!! a different kind of luv!!!!!!!!

and how do you have a real sustainable LTR when you luv them TWELVE TIMES more than they luv you??!?!?!

that gives them absolute power over you and spells IMMINENT DOOM for the rel. period. they WILL leave you and you WILL be devastated for the next 2 years. what a terrible way to LIVE hahahaha.

basically i need to find another WEIRDO whos luv meter is turned way up to 12 in order to have a lasting thing where i dont get dumped because a huge interest mismatch!!!!

heh all this is not productive writing at all. it is pretty much a nonstop circle of Negative Thoughts. and i need to Rip Out negative thoughts and replace them with positive thoughts, by any means necessary.

even at the expense of Truth!

like how i should replace all thoughts of That Woman with This Other Woman I know who is very very nice and wholesome and is getting married soon. just cut and paste. i should also cut and paste with some sort of positive replacement to the negative thoughts that FILL this blog.

powerwalking is good.

well, not ALL of this post is bad!

WHEN I AM MAKING SERMONIZING STATEMENTS LIKE THIS, those are usually pretty good. even the righteous anger ones. there is nothing inherently negative about righteous anger!

despair, however, yes. that is INHERENTLY BAD.

righteous anger good. despair bad.

so, when i am going into despair or other negative realm, then switch it with something positive: thinking of this wholesome woman, statements of righteous anger, powerwalking, or something productive like Job Searching. cranking out the Apps. getting closer to 500-600. how about 550 hahahahahaha.

job apps themselves cause both righteous anger (good) and despair (bad.) i guess the solution there is, once again, maximize the good and minimize the bad.

turn the brain from a negative thought machine, to a negative thought killing machine!!!!!

so here is a remaster of ulvers classic nattens madrigal. i dont usually like remasters and i dont have anything against the intentionally raw production of the original, which is really not that bad………BUT my concern is literally for hearing and ear health. you could literally damage your hearing with this album, even though it is actually very clear in terms of being able to comprehend and ingest the music. and is quite listenable!

but that high end is just so maxed out that it hurts the ear. i feel this 2014 remaster might be a bit more forgiving while jsut as listenable.

its also got demo versions of some of the tracks which is great. the demos sound great EXCEPT they dont have any vocals, and garm was truly a gifted BM singer.

it just sucks thinking that all of your life goals:  getting a good waifu, having children, and having a job to support that family that doesnt drive you to self-destructive madness, that all these goals are out of your reach. the best you can hope for is a 12 dollar an hour deadend job and then you get your outside-of-work satisfaction by smoking MJ, powerwalking, listening to podcasts and music, and dnating to 1488 causes. which are not bad things, well probably the MJ is, but you just cant stop thinking about the nice waifu and the family you want to have, but youre just too old and fooked up to be able to attain that.

ok stop those are despairing thoughts, lets replace them with righteous anger or job seraching or powerwalking or other positive thoughts or actions.

well i just came back from a 4.2 miles powewalk. listened to natt’s alcoholocaust ep 1 which wasnt as good as i expected. its just a mess and i cant even understand the bantz. i mean these are all good guys but still.

garm was 20 years old when they did nattens madrigal damn. now did he actually write the guitar riffs and such? i mean that is pretty important to me hahahaha. or was it that guy haavard who went on to do nothing special afterwards? i am sure garm knows how to handle a guitar, its really not hard, the important thing is having some sense of songwriting skill, which i never really had, and which i am sure he does.

ok i am gonna apply to this health system job, and while doing so, update my cover letter, which will add about 15 minutes or 10 to the apply time, but i have to measure this WORK somehow. because it is important, measureable, billable, measureable, timeable work that I am totally entitled to COUNT.

un fooking believeable. a super huge application, already at 45 minutes, longest ever, doing a phaggy ass personality test and intelligence test, when the internet goes out in the middle of the test. i am actually happy to do intelligence tests to prove that i am intelligent, and if it gives me like a 1 in 10 chance of getting an interview (as opposed to the usual 1 in 25 chance)….but god damn this is frustrating.

had to reboot compt to get internet connected again. i blame windows 10. 77 minutes total. a new record!

ok. assuming 15% of the job application time could be added to calculated how much time it takes to FIND the jobs (ie, going through lists, reading postings, and decided yes i should apply, vs, no way, dont even waste your time), in other words, about 2 minutes for every 13 minute application, ie 15 minutes total; and 1.5 hours spent on each interview (prob a little low tbh; we are including travel time, interview time, and im not sure about prep/study time), for 18.5 interviews, and 418 applications, we are up to  132 hours total for the entire job search. really a little LOW tbh fam. on $1716 worth of time at $13 an hor, although more realistically my price should be more like 12 an hour.

sorry i meant 419 jobs so far. please dont fire me.

so i was listening to the am grey podcast on feminism, and adams waifu said she was disturbed seeing a man and a woman holding hands where the womans hand was on top, and they used that as a powerful symbol that men are passive and not leading anymore.

i thought DAMN, the women I’ve been associated with would just DUMP ME before even GETTING to that point!!!!!

they wouldnt stick around long enough to LET that happen! they would have ALREADY dumped me for being a wimpy passive spineless doormat!

so why are these women not just walking out on these men? wouldn’t they get disgusted the first time they put their hand on top, and say, im done with you, you weak wimp?

that was what i was asking. i have been dumped for MUCH LESS. why are these women staying with these phaggots in the first place?

i cant even remember how i held hands with women, its been like 11 years since i held hands with a woman hahahaha.

saw a profile picture on soundcloud of somebody who photoshopped dat boi into the famous vietnam photo of the running people being napalmed and the little naked girl. dat boi had replaced the naked girl.

ok finally found it

2016-09-16_20h39_22

YOURE WELCOME hahahahaha

updated Standard Cover Letter with Sentence explaining Employment Gap. ok there. not much more I can do about that. But I think its a small, maybe larger than small, improvement on something that was already damn good and should be more than enough to get me a 13 an hour job.

ok i swear i wont go lower than 12 an hour hahahaha.  so i guess i am at 12-13 now depending on my mood hahahaha.

good thing SHE is making like 16 an hour!

but i dont know that!

but there’s a 75% chance she is!

ok so what does it MATTER then?

because like i said 100000000000000000 times, i dont like her BEATING me at the game of life!

why not?

because i hate her proving she is BETTER than me.  because it adds INSULT TO INJURY.

why?

because she injured me, now she is insulting me.

why?

see now we are getting into the circular part.

yeah i know THEORETICALLY it doesnt matter.

but IN THE REAL WORLD, it ABSOLUTELY DOES MATTER how much money people make, and how women view men who make less money than they do. they view them as totally worthless and inferior.

i dont view people in those terms. but im not a woman. im not PROGRAMMED to care about status in that way!

i mean as a male i do care about ranking and hierarchy………but not in that same visceral sexual or loving way. i know what peoples status is In The Real World, but I know it has no real bearing on their worth as a person.

but it has VERY REAL BEARING on their worth in the MATING MARKET!!!!!!!!1

and the mating market is VERY important to me because one of my MAIN LIFE GOALS is to find  a good wife and have CHILDREN!!!!!!!!

so thats WHY all this shit MATTERS so much!!!!!!!

i am apparently an abuser because i notice slutty behavior and call sluts sluts. thats what abusers do. nonabusers dont have the word slut in their vocabulary hahahaha.

PUNCH OUT THEN KEEP WORKING

july 1

shit. i hate that you just cant be an ok people person. you gotta be a MASTER people person just to get a 10 DAH job or get some fat slut. if you have the SLIGHTEST anxiety or autism or awkwardness…..1% is as bad as 100%. 2 is as bad as 10 hahaha. all or nothing. no in between.

you have to be all or nothing because the WORLD is all or nothing. jobs, women, life, hahaha.

sometimes  while browsing the indeed list you find a job thats SO GOOD you HAVE to apply for it RIGHT NAO. So go ahead and do that. thats a good thing. like i found one today: day shift, full time, mailroom clerk for large IP law firm. Dayum.

using A Spreadsheet and a Stopwatch to calculate the Exact Average of how long it takes me to do a Job Application.

with 3 down so far, the average is 15 minutes. has varied from 6 to 27 minutes.

this is actually making it slightly more interesting. maybe this is a holdover from my stupid job, where all our calls were timed and we could see a dashboard of how many calls we had each day, average time of calls, total time IN, etc.

i kinda liked improving my numbers. also it gave me some Hard Numbers. of course it also allows the company to Measure More and to crack the whip harder. 20 minutes average call time? get it down to 19 and we save 1 million dollars a year and can give execs moar bonuses and cut more people from YOUR department!

but in general i think the stopwatch is a great idea for THIS, muh job SEARCH, and getting a handle on exactly HOW long it takes to do EACH application, and what a reasonable number of apps per day is. i have been shooting for 8 but that’s cetainly low. but HOW low?

ok well my average is now at 17 minutes. thats with short ones and annoyingly long ones. only have 6 so far. i figure 100 might be a better sample size.

not that i havent already done over 210!!! 232 as a matter of fact. hehe.

today had a first, applied to USAJOBS, something for the army. FEDGOV hehehehehe.

17$ DAH job working with like army kids? child care technician? well in the FEDGOV they make 17 bucks an hour with bennies. GS 04 or some shit.

SO i figured that 5% of applications will get an interview. 1 out of 20. i mean that is ABOUT what its actually been. about 10 interviews for 200 applications.

well REALLY its 9 interviews for 230 applications hahahahahahahaha. but NO, cuz when I HAD the 9th interview last week, I had only about 200 apps in.

ok, so 9/200.

SO, assuming about 5% chance of an interview, it is THEN safe to assume that 5% of INTERVIEWS will result in a JOB. THEREFORE, you have to put in about 400 applications, therefore get 20 interviews, in order for you to get 1 job.

so shoot for 400 applications.

about ABOUT 20 minutes per application, that is 133 hours.

and that is 3.25 weeks of Full Time Work hehehehehe.

and right now I am showing 17 minutes per application, not 20.

why the hell didnt i start measuring this in a spreadsheet EARLIER?

because when you Train Yourself, it takes you MONTHS to stumble on things that a Trainer would show you right away. Best Practices. Best Practices do not always come quickly.

and this is a pretty obvious no brainer. use a spreadsheet as a tracking system to measure Metrics. its not exactly out of left field.

http://bbs.dailystormer.com/t/advice-on-how-to-red-pill-my-fiance/37312/11

this guy does not seem super smart but he is a manly white man who carries a Glock hehehe and doesnt want his qt white gf associating with trash. cuz her friends are trash and her family is trash and she gets the attention of blacks hehehe but she miraculously is not a huge slut. so says the boifran hahaha.

i know that feel, that woman was CLOSE to trash but she was not herself really trashy. she didnt want to be trash so she dumped her trashy friends. i hate to think she thought of ME as TRASH.

well at least TRASH can WORK!!!!!

july 2

horry sheet, interview with the company i have submitted like 14 applications to this year and i NEVER thought they would interview me for anything more than a 9 dah pt job….has invited me to an interview for like a 32k to 46k FT job hahahaha.  so, doing that on thursday. afternoon of courshe hahahaha.

BIG reach here, but……it was kind of a reach just to get the interview!

They are interviewing at least 5 people.

I would prefer something a little less……involved, because I might be better qualified for something Lower, have a better chance of getting it.

I do know the application here had like 5 short answer questions that probably scared all the CASUALS and PUNTERS away hahahaha.

and made the Application Time like 30 minutes instead of 15 hehehe.

what was the manager doing sending emails at 10 30 pm on the friday of Fourth of July Weekend? why wasnt he out of town with his family?

this place has a Unionized Workforce and I thought they were serious about muh 40 hours and not a second more hehehehe.

well there are ways around that, you simply PUNCH OUT THEN KEEP WORKING hehehehehe.

how common is this? for people who want to make themselves look like they do more in 40 hours than they do? really for OT Exempt people its not an issue. then you just work 80 hours for the price of 40 as a general rule hahaha.

i am somewhat interested in the Goth Subculture, but its also kidna degenerate and the women are SLUTS. VERY high number. but they might be willing to help weak sissy beta guys gain experience and confidence in banging bitches, which is always good.

yes, bang those disgusting degenerate high number whores, just for EXPERIENCE and CONFIDENCE. THEN you will have a better chance at getting the women you DO want. there’s a reason they call them PRACTICE gurls. And you can’t get a Decent Woman without PRACTICE. Like like you can’t Win the Championship Game without PRACTICE.

just Wrap It Up and try not to lie too much. like don’t tell the gurl you’re in luv with her, OR that you will marry her, OR that you want a Real Relationship with her. It’s Only About The Casual Secs baby, whatsamatter, dont you think secs is FUN, ya prude?

but yeah i dont think there are any gothic gurls under 30.

also goths like phaggots and nihilism and drugs and are not masculine and all.

i would approach Goth in a way that championed Traditional Victorian Values, and wears a lot of black, and likes melancholy shit, but thats really about all. While also still being Masculine and promoting Morality and Family and Traditional Gender Roles.

at the same time i like gurls who are not super duper girly. That Woman was feminine but she was not super duper girly. in that she was chilled out and laid back and not into Drama. But she kinda was. at the end she couldn’t get out of the drama.

i dont mind minor drama, but major drama needs to be dealt with. women are so attracted to drama that they dont even want to deal with major drama, they just run away from it if its too much. leaving people in the LURCH.

they need a MAN to pull them out of the drama. And I was not man enough. shit i was CAUSING the drama. i didnt know how to FINISH it. well, i DID know that we PROBABLY needed to confront it and talk about it, and she didnt want to do that.

all the more reason I need to MAN UP and say THIS ENDS NOW and MADE her talk to me hehehehe.

so yeah. BIG interview thursday, one of the biggest. the manager has been working there for 12 years and is a (former?) CPA but this job is more in “systems.” he does not have a masters degree but does/did have a CPA and that is about as hardcore as a masters degree hehehehe. fookin tryhard.

applied for job as AP clerk for company, took 23 minutes, brought average up to 16 minutes hahahaha.

i only have 8 jobs in that spreadsheet, i suppose if i had all 230 jobs, it would be a more valid/accurate number.

lets just say the shorter the better. i would like it to be closer to 15 than to 30.

in 1980 it didn’t take you 16 minutes to do a job application (well maybe it did.)

but for DAMN SURE in 1980 you didnt have to do 400 job applications before you found a job!

but its good i have an interview for next week, i didn’t have one this past week. want to have 1 or ideally TWO eery week.

had a dream with THAT WOMAN last night, as i recall it was pretty long but i still dont remember much other than i was spending the night with her, but she was mad at me and we were arguing and i was sleeping on the couch or something. i was scared she was gonna LEAVE ME, that she wasnt willing to work this out. , that she had just Had Enough, it wasnt worth saving to her.

and of course that was what happened! but this dream at least pretended that we were actually Going Out.

I was also starting to care about her family. Cared about her single mother who had a possibly rough life but she was at least a good mother and probably a good person. cared about her brother and sister who seemed really nice and were not promiscuous degenerate drug addicts, they did not even smoke MJ. they just lived clean decent nice lives. Cared about her extended family who she told me about.

and now all of THOSE people were ripped out of my life too, her telling me you’re not allowed to care about them any more, you’re done with ALL of us.

so that was an extra element which made things even more painful. I felt closer to her because I felt I kinda knew her family. again, not something i normally do with women.

she had an older family member who was not in good shape and that was causing her a lot of stress and worry at the same time as our thing fell apart. i felt guilty for Bothering her during such a difficult time. But I cared about the family member too! I shared her pain somewhat! and if she thinks it was all a Ploy to Get Dat Ass, she couldnt be MORE wrong!!!!!!!!

but i totally lost my frame and became weak and supplicating and BEGGING. I should have taken the FRAME of the MAN who COMMANDS respect….not a pvssy weakling who BEGS for respect! you put the foot down and say THIS IS HOW ITS GONNA BE.

hmmm this qt young gurl (7-8 years younger than me, very cute and nice, low number, she got married tho, like at age 22, well good for her hahaha.) sent ME a linkedin connect today and i accepted it. I had seen HER many times but did not ask to connect with her because she might think its creepy i was stalking her. well she is way more successful than me anyway. good career in health admin and is being promoted, moving up, didnt even get a damn masters degree, works with a bunch of other qt young women.  its hard to imagine they will become hambeasts when they are 40 like so many other women.

but they might not also become loving wives and mothers and just continue riding the coch carousel, so yeah, part of that is not becoming a hambeast. gotta look good to pull the alphamost coch. fat hambeasts can only pull thugingras hahahha. i hope SHE becomes a fat hambeast. her mother didnt unfort. her mother still looks bangable. i should bang her mother in horribly degrading ways hahahahahahahaha

heh i set up a 50 cent monthly dnation to bernard chapin. lets see if HE complains about the dnation being too small hahaha. i really dont think he will. he is not that kind of guy tho. I wish he had found a good wife and become a father though. its SAD that at 46 he has Accepted he will always be a MGTOW. he is coming out with his new book “man going his own way.” I mock MGTOW’s now, but not too long ago, I considered myself a mgtow, and uncle bern is the best example of the best of mgtow. he is a very good honorable man and THATS why he needs to stop being a mgtow and become a father! hes not race aware enough, let alone 1488. well, i will stop my dnation if he ever has a keeid with a nonwhite or advocates race mixing hahaha, which i dont think he will.

HELLO WORLD: GURLCODER LADYBOSS HAS 1/8th THE KNOWLEDGE OF A STREETSH1TTER H1B STINKING UP THE OFFICE WITH CURRY MICROWAVE, CURRY FARTZ, and CURRY B.O.

mar 25

and indians are high on the list of my favorite nonwhite races. I just never had the dubious “privilege” of working with h1b indians in a tech office. i hear its horrible hahahaha. my experience is limited to christian indians at church and they are very nice hahaha.

shit. just feel unable to do any job. projecting confidence when you have NONE because you dont know what you are doing, and getting help is Frowned Upon. Figure It Out Yourself and Stop Wasting My Time. And Figure It Out Quickly, time is money. maybe you’re not a good fit here. maybe you’d do better at a 9 DAHJ. not quite ready for the 15DAH Grown Up League Prime Time Are Ya? how old are you again? Shit we have level 3’s making 20 DAH who are younger than you!

http://www.fastcompany.com/3058251/the-future-of-work/why-learning-to-code-wont-save-your-job

this is what i’ve been saying. ANYONE can learn to write a compsci 101 first day of class hello world program, and then pat themselves on the back for being a 15 year old gurl who’s well on her way to a powerful career as a ladyboss gurlcoder. when the fact is, it takes years of grueling, obsessive, autistic training and study and struggle to become a Real Coder, to Think like a coder, to gain the Coders Mindset, and to write actually valuable programs that companies will pay you for. All the Streetshitter H1B’s have at least bachelor of compsci degrees if not masters, do you? can you outcode them? now I hear that good american coders consider the h1bs to be generally shitty coders, but I would still think the h1b’s are better coders than some 20 year old gurl going to a 2 week code camp. i took like 4 full courses dedicated wholly to coding  and i still dont know shit. you have to learn how to Think Algorithmically.

do you know how to use pointers and polymorphism? if that sounds like Gibberish, congratulations. that’s about one-eighth the knowledge of a standard streetshitter h1b getting paid 15 DAH to code and stink up the office with Fish Curry in the Microwave and Curry Farts and Curry BO hahahaha.

wow this magazine (fastcompany) is discouraging hahaha. makes you question why you want to get a degree and work a stupid office job.

when you see the higher ups go into a meeting and stay there for an hour and you think, why can’t I ever have meetings? I want authoritative advice and knowledge! Train us! Train us! Help Us! and Those lucky bastards get to sit in a meeting for 45 minutes and not answer phones with Trick Questions like I do! this is like them going to Class and Learning the material, while I just take the Test all day that I am unprepared for!

well, hopefully you’ve identified at least one level 2 who is nicer than the rest, who doesn’t treat you like an idiot. Funny that these nice level 2’s might be viewed as dumber by the more arrogant level 2’s. doesnt matter. anyway. hit up your friendly level 2 and say, what was that meeting about, can you share with me any of the Training Decks or PDF’s or powerpoints that they had during the meeting. Just email them to me or better yet, show me some stuff on the Company Shared Drive, the one that has 100000000000 folders and 1000000000000000000000000000 subfolders and buried in there is some useful stuff, lots of old stuff, and its hard to tell the difference between useful and nonuseful stuff because you just don’t know whats right and whats wrong, what’s smart and whats dumb. NOTHING makes sense. so you don’t know whats SUPPOSED to make sense, and whats NOT supposed to make sense.

anyway. it sucks knowing that HER life is BETTER without me, and my life is much WORSE without her. she was a HUGE positive in my life. I was just an annoying negative that she wanted to cut out, like a cancerous tumor or a newly conceived human baby life.  just get rid of it.

actions speak much louder than words,  BUT we should also  take into account that you can get NERVOUS and this might make it seem like you dont like somebody, when in fact you really like them. hehehe. or people undergoing stress which makes them angrier or low energy or distracted, and you have to believe them when they say, sorry if i seem bitchy , i’m stressed out, but I still like you.

but STILL. they should give you some FACE TIME, some hang out time. how about 1 hour a week hahahaha in between their family and their stressful career where you are being to solve more and more weird problems, do more with less, know everything, walk on water.

http://goaskalice.columbia.edu/answered-questions/reading-my-date-0

like here. her date might have just been NERVOUS on a first date. the only way to clear up ambiguity between words and actions is to talk to them and hopefully they bring their actions in line with their words.  dont dump a guy because you think he doesnt like you but in fact hes just NERVOUS. havent you ever gotten nervous?

so you like him but then you dump him and then he calls you and says, hey i like you too, i was just NERVOUS! damn! give me another chance! if you like me! and then she says sorry, don’t like you anymore, your chance is over, you blew it, i found a new guy i like who isnt nervous and he fooks me great! all in the span of 2 weeks or less. fooking degenerate children hahahaha.

ok now i am overreacting. there are decent women out there. i am simply taking the worst aspects of HER and building a fantasy nightmare woman that doesnt really exist. and saying that all women are like this horrible demon that isnt even real, but made up of the worst elements of her, worst elements of some other women, and shit that angry hateful mgtows and Red Pill guys say on the internet.

this guy is all about the black pill, there was a rumor he did the college shooting in oregon but he didnt, it was that mulatto hahaha. but this guy eggman is a real hit with the ladies. i guess in this video he says some good stuff though. i wont listen to it though becuase it will probably be discouraging hahaha

http://www.radixjournal.com/journal/2015/10/6/the-black-pill

well at least he is gainfully employed and has a nice car hahahahahahahahahaha

but he is a fat bitter woman hating cigarette smoker and he has to become a hyperborean ubermensch before he can pull a 6/10 hahahaha

but he works 90 hours a week! for 10 DAH!

hes leaving r9k

anyway i guess he seems like a good guy. i think he eventually got an ugly gf hahaha.

http://www.radixjournal.com/podcast/2015/9/23/the-rakes-progress

richard spencer has an actual talking talk with f roger devlin, the mysterious phd famous for his red pilled and brilliant writings on Women

really devlin should make videos for neets and omegas on how to game women hahahahahaha

https://heartiste.wordpress.com/2008/07/23/decivilizing-human-nature-unleashed/

hehehe heartiste writes very favorably of devlin of coursh

http://nypost.com/2016/03/23/potheads-may-get-high-but-their-prospects-in-life-go-way-down/

anyway i hope that eggman guy does alright, i can kinda relate to him.

but yeah. its not surprising that men who have utterly failed with women and always get dumped….are gonna be angry and bitter towards women.

but if you get obsessed about women and read game and mgtow and mra and theredpill stuff all day, and porno, uhhh this will only make you hate women more. you kinda need to do Intentional Ignorance. which is hard to do for Truthseekers and red pill types! but its best to IGNORE the truth about women until you stop hating women so damn much. and then be a strong leader of the women in your life, so they dont leave you for not being a strong leader hahaha.

mar 26

basically, the True Nature of women is so awful that unless you are an alpha male….you WILL hate women. Cuz they just are NATURALLY horrible, until society can get them under control again, with strong husbands and fathers and shaming. not going so far as mudslims, but back to the good old days of white patriarchy where fathers told their daughters dont be a whore. hell no you’re not going away to college to be a whore. you want to date a guy? i have to approve of every guy you date. bring them to me while I clean my gunz threateningly, say you bring my daughter home a minute after 9 pm, I am cutting your balls off. you call me SIR, boy.

no burkas, nothing like that, nothing like barefoot and pregnant. but the women will grow to LIKE being mothers, and will LIKE being a Helpmeet to their Man. They will GLADLY bring him a sandwich without even being asked. They respect and appreciate him.

I UNDERSTAND and GET hypergamy. But I don’t know why hypergamy has to be coupled with such Emotional Violence and Bitchiness. DONT ADD INSULT TO INJURY. I will accept the injury but I wont accept the INSULT. Be NICE to me when you dump me for a Better Man. Treat Betas and Omegas like Human Beings with feelings and hearts. And don’t be huuuuuuge fooking whores.

you can be hypergamous, but don’t be a huge whore or a huge bitch. period.

so, its womens NATURE to be huge insulting bitches and whores? so we must use “nurture” to contain and limit women’s nature?

i dunno i hate to think that womens nature is HORRIBLE. because i dont like thinking that nature should be run out with a pitchfork. thats how you cause problems! by DENYING human nature.

well not everything about human nature is GOOD. for example, our proclivity to eat too much. we do need to learn to control and disclipline ourselves, and women have been Brainwashed by the Media and Culture that Self Control is BAD.

Self control is NOT bad, it’s GREAT. its VERY GOOD.

google how to be stoic

how to be tough

how to be emotionally tough

can you fix something without knowing the cause? probably. But I get frustrated and nervous and obsessive when I dont know the cause.

like with muh job. we would have articles on supposedly how to fix things. or rather what to do. If I were writing the articles, I would have a simple list of steps along with a simple script to say while you do them. then at the bottom I would have a section For Future Reference on WHAT CAUSES the problem, and WHY you do each of the steps you do. Why does this happen, and why do these things fix it, and how can you prevent it.

the articles were just confusing as fook. they were long and complex and they didnt really EXPLAIN anything. they had steps of shit to do, but those steps were written in a confusing bloated manner.

you needed to make your own manual for the manual.

you needed to always read between the lines and try to think what is this REALLY saying. and the level 2’s would TALK to you in the same way.

STOP DANCING AROUND SHIT AND JUST TELL ME STRAIGHT UP. IT IS IN OUR COMPANY’S BEST INTEREST TO RESOLVE SHIT QUICKLY. TIME IS MONEY.

So in terms of time being money, yeah I didnt understand why everything had to be so OBTUSE. shit being OBTUSE costs time and money.

now I can understand not training people. because then phones are ringing while people are sitting in a training session not answering phones.

i was watching “the profit” with this bald gay guy on cnbc and he was actually pretty good. he tries to save struggling businesses. takes a look at all aspects of the business, the management, the finances, the operations, the costs, revenue, margins, training. then he invests a ton of money in it and becomes a very active partner.

like this burger restaurant where he was like these burgers are mediocre, not worth $7 for this shit; your meat and cheese are mediocre and frozen; you drove out your best chef because the management and owners are huge micromanaging assholes; the place is a total mess.

but it raised questions for me. like yeah the place is a mess because it would cost a shitload of money to rent a dumpster and clean out the alley. the floor is filthy because it would cost a shitload of money to move everything out of the kitchen and restaurant and scrub the floor until it sparkles. and would it be worth that expense? does it make you more money if the floor under the freezer is clean? the business is already losing like 5 grand  a month. most of the money was going towards food costs. they were somehow spending TOO MUCH money on that shitty frozen freezer beef. now mr hardcore MBA comes in and wants to spend MORE money on food?

but i did like how he said hey stop micromanaging and being bitches to one of your best employees the chef, you drove him away once, now treat him good because he is valuable to this place.

waaawaaaaa i was never VALUABLE to an employer, always easily replaced.

I was never VALUABLE to a woman, always easily replaced hahahahahaha.

aren’t I valuable?

of coursh not, you have to MAKE YOURSELF VALUABLE!!!!!!!

Yeah well I thought I was valuable to her on SOME level.

I was at the fatclub burning 1000 calories when I saw a young woman who used to work at our workplace. who knows if she still works there. but she was working there when I left. it was weird to see someone who SEES HER EVERY DAY. I wonder if they talk, if they are friends now, if she texted her saying guess who I saw….etc etc etc.

Now I barely talked to this woman and I pretended like I didnt see her. But she was right in front of me and I think she might have seen me!!! But women are GREAT at not noticing people, or at least acting like they don’t notice people. but who knows how much they ACTUALLY notice. since i am paranoid and hate women, i think they notice EVERYTHING so as to use it against you, when they appear like they dont notice you at all.

how can a White Human Being be so horrible?

I’ve noticed a lot of Blacks in MGTOW. Like at least 40% of harcore MGTOW youtube channels are Black American Men. I wonder if this makes MGTOW men more likely to side with black men, because they are men, rather than white women. to find sex more important than race in other words.

anyway its hard to know What Is Women. Are they what TheRedPill says they are, the worst horrible pieces of shit? they sure aren’t perfect princesses. So I think we need a Purple Pill for Women, in that I think the Red Pill view of women goes TOO FAR. Women can’t be THAT bad, can they? I hope not.

Heh. it sucks to doubt your own judgment THIS much. you need to be confident that what you’re doing is right. once you start doubting, then you lose confidence that ANY of your Important Decisions are Correct. Also had this at the job. becuase you had no confidence in your knowledge, you doubted your sense of judgment. YEP i can make 60 decisions an hour, but I’ll never know if they were the right decision! you want to go through and check them? of course you dont have time for that. if you had time for that, you’d have time to train people better so they WOULD know stuff and have Good Judgment.

So What Are Women?

That Sex At Dawn Phaggot actually had ONE good point in that we are now in a state of “Sexual OBESITY”, in that anything and everything is freely available, so we (alpha males and women, not “we” at all really haha) GORGE like GLUTTONS at the feast. Same way since Hearty Food is SO freely available, we GORGE on food FAR beyond our daily needs, and become no self control fat fooks. this is natural given our UNNATURAL ENVIRONMENT. But can an environment ever be unnatural? i dunno, but it can DEFINITELY be UNHEALTHY and BAD. And I guess its human nature to adapt to our environment, good or bad.

Rick MOranis’s hiatus from acting was influenced by his wifes death from cancer and his decision to focus on his children. very honorable. unfortunately he is a J. I guess I shouldnt be surprised by that. but he is a J  I kinda like. I wish he were White because he seems very principled and moral and good and honorable.

well, i have a tendency to IDEALIZE people I like, and to Anti-Idealize/Demonize people I DONT Like. meaning, make them better or worse than they really are. all in my MIND.

anyway basically people having TOO MUCH FREEDOM and in that they can be enslaved by their Desires and Appetites and Id. Betas to Porn, Fatties to Food, and Women to Alpha Carousel during their 20s.

but these are unhealthy SUBSETS of larger groups that are NOT INHERENTLY UNHEALTHY.

hehehe see all the mental gymnastics you have to do to prove to yourself that women aren’t inherently shitty hahaha? why not just accept the red pill then?

because i cant. i cant accept that all women are shitty horrible bitches and whores. i dont want to live in that kind of world.

anyway yeah its weird to see a person who i KNOW saw HER that same DAY. TODAY. yesterday. very recently. I cant get her to respond to me, to say anything to me, she just ends a Significant Longterm Rel by Total Blocking, and then this other woman sees her every DAY. well maybe one of them left the company. I will never know. I certainly didnt talk to this other woman. Like I said I only talked to her maybe all of 1 minute. she seemed very bitchy and slutty as well. had an attractive young body combined with some pretty slutty tattoos. of course that job will make you bitchy. it made me bitchy! and others too. it made everyone more bitchy.  doesnt mean you can’t have an actual friendly meeting outside of work though. nights and weekends baby.

like I see this person, and I know this person JUST SAW THAT PERSON. Well, not if one of them left the job. maybe That Person found a better job and now makes 17 DAH hahahah and is after even more alpha men. but shes an idiot with terrible judgment, who picks awful men, and who has no understanding of what she does. how can she make good decisions and judgment on the job?

it just goes to show you didnt need to be smart or sharp. you just had to go through motions and be unflusterable. get good at saying theres nothing we can do, it is what it is, sorry, is there anything else i can help you with. you didnt HAVE To try to figure stuff out. you just make sure you say this and that and play the game and Hit Your Metrics. she was good at that but horrible at actually understanding things at a deep level. that was where I was starting to get good, by becoming obsessive and a maniac, unsustainably so.  i was PRETTY good at my metrics too. what im saying was i was a better smarter more valuable employee than her. but i was much more flusterable. emotionally unstable. yep i was more emotionally unstable than a damn WOMAN. that does not bode well for the cofidence.

it was like we were playing a game of CHICKEN and SHE won.

we were competing against each other and she won. she Bested me. she outperformed me. she was TOUGHER than me.

But yeah I just cant trust my own judgment on women. and reading anything on the internet sucks. people debate and debate what women really are. and of course women dont know.

yeah its just frustrating. that they are like half the worlds population and you DONT KNOW WHAT THEY ARE. a weird alien living among you. or not because you dont know any anymore.

i saw a person who probably saw HER, yesterday.

it would be different if i were actually on speaking terms with them!

cuz then I would be very tempted to ask, know anything about HER!

i mean i had seen another person from the workplace, this time a man, a few months ago, at the gym. he was kinda a douchebag and i avoided him. i had nothing to say to him. i wonder if SHE is friends with either of these people now. or with the young man I was friends with there. He was a great guy but back then he didnt talk to HER at all. wonder if they talk now. maybe he could tell her hey it might be a good idea to talk to ME. cuz he was the only person i actually TOLD about all this.

haha maybe she and him fooked. i dont think he would sell me out like that, but i dont really talk to him anymore. she of course i dont trust at all. she would totally sell me out like that.

really i thought i could trust her, but i clearly couldn’t. i trusted her not to block me like a stalker. cuz  wasnt damn stalking her. i was just upset she was dumping me by completely ignoring me. this would upset any man. or woman. especially a woman. if a man did this to a woman, the woman would go APESHIT. a LOT worse than i did.

well i am entitled to my feelings as long as i dont violently Aggress against another person. non aggression principle. prime directive. if anything i wish she cared more about my fee fees.

but yeah. i wonder if that girl talks to her, if she told that girl about me, and when that girl saw me, she pretended not to see me, and then told HER that she saw me. are they friends? do they hang out? what did she tell her about ME? that i was a creepy, unstable, bipolar CRAZY PSYCHO. only psychos quit jobs. dont even bother getting my side of the story. crazy psychos dont have valid sides of stories. their stories are crazy and psycho and wrong.

mar 27

is there a website with sample Critical Thinking Puzzles and Problems that you can do? Simulations? choose the next step kind of thing? in a way it was like we were working on Story Problems all day. Complicated, in depth problems where we felt Out Of Our Depth.

went to easter vigil mass yesterday and it was 2 and a half hours long. i thought you could either go to three and a half of these in a row, or go to one day of WORK. sitting in church is a MUCH better idea. because you just sit there and Praise GOD, rather than try to figure out weird problems all day and feel PUT ON THE SPOT all day.

also there was some nice music and singing as part of the mass. i thought well, they HAD to have practiced or rehearsed for this. you know that uncomfortable feeling you get when you listen to a person sing way out of tune, or a musician totally botch the performance. its like, didn’t you even practice this? it sounds like you didnt even practice this. like you just came in here and youre doing it for the first time. how could you think you could get away with that? you obviously suck!

think of a school band that is given a piece of music to play but they’ve never practiced it before or seen it before, but told to try to play it all together. and it sounds like a total cacaphony. many instruments playing the shit wrong.

well imagine you are the whole band, trying to play multiple pieces of music, and what your client hears is this amateur hour bullshit. that does not give them confidence and it sure as hell does not give YOU confidence.

and then every 20 minutes you get another complex piece of music youve never seen before. to perform for an audience which is judging you on your competence.

not sure exactly when i started studying regularly after work. i should have been doing it the whole time. I think it was around january 2015. i had already been there like 8 months. or 7. and only then did i start getting obsessive. now by then my confidence was getting eaten away by new issues and also the situation with HER was going nowhere and getting worse. that prob influenced me more to try to exert more control over my job, because i had no control on what was going on with HER.

it wasnt just that she treated ME as worthless, its that she treated our REL as worthless. thats hard to explain. it was like she didnt care that we once had an important thing, that was important to her too, which she enjoyed being a part of. for years. you wonder, was it ever important? was that whole thing in my crazy mind only? i know it wasnt, but I dont appreciate her treating it like it was.

the level of Problem Solving and COmmunication and Technical training I’m looking for, like stuff that would actually HELP me with my job, is probably so high level that you can’t expect to find it for FREE on the internet. but rather PAY hundreds of dollars for proprietary bullshit.

like my best training was studying the internal company websites, cases, knowledge base, intranet, that you of course had to log into. its not freely available on the Open Internet.

yeah for a while i thought she might be THE ONE. muh soulmate. the person I was gonna spend the rest of muh life with. a person i could get married to, have chirren with. i mean it was serious shit. i hardly even GET ALONG with a woman THAT well, and i had NEVER fallen in Real Luv with one of these rare women before. so i figured that was a sign. This Is The One.

when you get weird computer errors, you think jeez i wish i had someone who knew what they were doing who can help me with this, cuz this shit makes no sense. so then you call a tech support Genius…….who knows NO MORE than you do. does THAT make any sense? and i was that guy.

moreover, how does the AVERAGE person deal with this kind of confusion on the job, handling problems that are really too complicated for their level of training and intelligence, and there is nothing on the internet to help the average employee with these common on the job problems? there arent millions of people like me looking for help with their confusion and nervousness?

i get my travel bug on by “visiting” places through google maps and earth. yesterday i took a “trip” in krakow. looks like a real nice place.

i wonder if the people in BELARUS are any good. you could probably find a great white wife there!!!! everybody forgets belarus is even a country!!!!!!

problem solving tests for employment google

brain games for adults

http://multitasking.labinthewild.org/multitasking/

practice multitasking tests every day to get better at multitasking

i am slightly below average in multitasking speed, so i do multitasking exercises in my spare time to increase my multitasking to ABOVE average! as of now, I am in the TOP 25% of multitaskers!

because if youre NOT, that means you dont deserve a 15 DAH job. so how come everyone you know and all 30000 people you went to college with make more than 15DAH? hahahaha

that woman wanted to stop being my friend because i didnt make enough money for my age. she at around age 25 was making the same money i was making at age 30+. now she is making WAY more, cuz i am making NOTHING.

google how to LIE to people

http://www.wikihow.com/Lie

http://www.wikihow.com/Tell-Your-Boyfriend-the-Truth-About-How-You-Feel-After-Months-of-Lying

http://www.wikihow.com/Get-Your-Overly-Sensitive-Boyfriend-to-Dump-You

hahahahahaha

QUOTE

You’ve gotten involved with a guy who’s used to being babied, a guy who seems to become devastated over the littlest thing. You don’t want to be around him anymore, but you’re scared that if you break up with him, he’ll sob hysterically, beg you not to, and refuse to take “no” for an answer. Worse yet, even if you do manage to break things off, he might keep begging and become more pitiful than ever. One way to get around that is to get him to break up with you. That way, he’ll feel it was a decision he made, and he won’t keep imploring you to take him back.

END

http://lifehacker.com/5951066/how-to-lie-without-actually-telling-a-lie

its more like being creative and coming up with plausible STORIES for something, so you can have a bullshit explanation to go with saying “no” to them. it really doesnt matter what you say as long as it sounds believable. and never are you going to get called out on it. you just don’t put your stupid story in the case notes. you just note “informed caller this could not be done / issue could not be fixed / fix for problem is not available / must start over again. void the transaction”

http://www.instructables.com/id/How-to-lie-to-authority-figures/

http://www.wikihow.com/Break-Your-Addiction-to-a-Person

QUOTE

4

Take note of your communication and interaction styles. In addictive relationships, the pair is usually unable to discuss risky issues and often glaze over certain topics with half-truths. If you notice that you and your partner rarely have truly intimate conversations relating to your personal fears or dreams, you may be in an addictive relationship.[6]

  • Healthy relationships involve intimacy in which conversations go below the surface into areas you would normally not share with the public. These attachments also include give and take from both partners as well as mutual benefit from the attachment.[7]
  • Unhealthy and codependent relationships generally stay above the surface and have few fulfilling conversations. Maybe you are always pretending to be cheerful around the other person, but, inside, you feel sad or confused. You may only ever feel relaxed and happy when the other person is feeling this way. You fear what would happen if you told your lover or friend how you really feel.[8]

END

https://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/extreme-fear/201005/top-ten-secrets-effective-liars

never forget the big picture of why you are lying: to save TIME and MONEY for your company and ADD VALUE, thus justifying them spending money on YOU. you are saving them more money by resolving lots of issues quickly and getting people off the phone, than they are paying you.

why keep somebody on the phone for something your department is not willing or able to fix?

cuz you might say, well they’ll just CALL BACK when the shit breaks AGAIN and your bandaid fix fell off. the bandaid fell off and they want a new one, or a more permanent fix, or a brand new piece of equipment.

i dunno. it doesnt matter. just get them off the phone as quickly as possible so you can take the next call and get them off the phone as quickly as possible. that is how you solve technical problems. by misdirecting and getting the person off the phone as soon as possible, and at best, doing a bandaid fix that is done with all the confidence and elegance of a grade school band trying to play a fooking beethoven symphony.

of special olympians at their first synchronized swimming practice.

http://cbsg.sourceforge.net/cgi-bin/live

the corporate bullshit generator making nonsense but grammatically correct sentences out of corporate bullshit and buzzwords. NOICE!!!!!!

  • The business leaders secure our measure; nevertheless the Chief IT Strategy Catalyst interactively prioritizes a collaborative delivery framework.

that kind of stuff. meaningless mba masterbation.

 

SEX IS INHERENTLY INTIMATE

feb 25

more rumination and obsession hahaha : she was very good at being a friend. we were good friends, it was so natural and smooth. therefore i thought she would be the SAME WAY in the role of GF. i saw great potential. with her longterm BF, she talked and commnicated with him and tried to resolve their issues like an average maturity adult. i had no reason to believe she would be any different with me when WE had problems.

but she was. i thought if she needed to reject me, she would be FRIENDLY about it, the way she was always very friendly to me. and would say “AW. AWWWWWW. THATS SO SWEET. YOUR SUCH A NICE GUY. but im SORRY, i just dont feel that way. Lets Just Be Friends.” pat me on the head and give me a cookie. that would have been sooooooooooooo much better than what happened. oh god i would have LOVED that kind of rejection.

but yeah point is, i was caught OFF GUARD, completely unprepared for this. did not see this coming AT ALL. i never knew her to act like this. with me, or with people she was close to. she was super friendly and nice to me all the time. i KNOW that doesnt mean she was INTERESTED!!!!! im not that much of a woman hater hahahaha. but i DID think that gave me a REASONABLE EXPECTATION that she would continue to be nice, friendly, and mature to me when it came time for her to respond to muh feelings for her.

heh. married at first sight. i totally called it with decision day. nice normie white boy david and his bitch wife, white girl but ugly and bitchy, he was better looking than her, he was out of her league, he was too good for her, well i totally CALLED it: he would say yes, she would say no. like a train wreck in slow motion. he was such a naively optimistic normie. such a positive normie attitude. just a nice good guy, bit of a beta doormat, but successful in career (“Director of Sales” for software company) and a friendly, nice, generous, kind, warm, caring, good personality. she was a total closed off bitch that never gave him a chance, never lifted a finger, and accused him of something he did not do: lying and betraying her. OH GOD its SO Frustrating to be accused of lying when youre NOT LYING.

itd be ONE THING if you had a pattern of being BLATANTLY CAUGHT IN LIES. but he wasnt!!! she was just disproportionately angry at him because he messaged a gurl on facebook. shit. like she never messaged guys on facebook. she INSISTED it was a “DATE”, and he insisted no, its NOT a date, i wanted to hang out with HER so we could talk about YOU and I might get some insight on YOU and how to communicate with YOU because you wont communicate with me. which was the TRUTH! and yet his wife refused to believe the truth. the situation was infuriating and pathetic. then he pathetically tries to “win back her trust” even though he did nothing wrong.

it was such a painful situation to watch, and i felt so sorry for him, doing all the work, being unjustly painted as the bad guy, while she did no work, refused to open up to him, completely shut down and checked out, and she was DONE at that moment, her NO decision was made.

hehehehe there were parallels with my own situation. but My Woman was younger and better looking than this bitch hahahahahah. also she used to be much much nicer. she was super nice at one point, like a female version of david. then she became an ice queen like ashley the ugly stone cold bitch.

so yeah i felt great sympathy and empathy and luv for poor david, getting shit on and thrown away like a piece of garbage. i could not even look at them as they gave their decisions. and it went exactly as i predicted. immed afterwards david gave some REAL talk: his optimism was crushed and he had a realistic view of things: i was doing all the work, i was fully committed, and she wasnt. she wasnt willing to give me an inch, and she had checked out long ago. damn right. i felt like Reaching Out to David and emailing him. bringing back my twitter account so I could tweet at him words of moral support hahahaha. i still might. bringing my twitter back would be a good idea in 2016 hahaha.

it SUCKS to be accused of something you didnt do. not really talking about false raep, because then the woman clearly knows SHE’s lying. but when the woman is under a misunderstanding, a delusion, that you did something you really didnt. then YOU want to stand up and defend yourself and prove yourself innocent. which makes you look even more guilty to them. its SO horrible.

my pushing her, and her avoiding me, was ahorrible vicious circle, and both fed into each other. i pushed her because she avoided me, she avoided me because i pushed her.  i didnt calculate that she would avoid me so much. so then i laid down and took it like a beeta, saying ok baby, ill give you time and space, whatever you want to make you happy. bad move. after a few weeks of space, i couldnt take it any more and started pushing again.

pushing isnt great but i dont think its a cardinal sin. but women sure do. i would like to work on my pushiness in the future.

see im not ALWAYS pushy. only when a gurl i luv is avoiding me. which does not happen often. normally i am not pushy at all. i dont get so invested and committed to something that i even WANT to push.

what i should have done was not be pushy but be ASSERTIVE: say: “baby, this ends now. this has got to end. i cant take this any more. i feel disrespected and avoided. we need to talk ASAP. stop avoiding me and lets schedule a solid time to talk, and i will be very disappointed if you back out again. THIS ENDS NOW. I DONT let people treat me like this. like garbage. I wont let YOU treat me like that. this ends now.”

did i mention Stahlgewitter is a very catchy RAC band with a fairly metal approach and a very commanding singer. i dont speak or understand german tho hahahaha. anyway they will ABSOLUTELY get your blood pumping. good anti despair music hahahaha.

techincally there WAS a kind of red flag: the fact that she began avoiding me in like december or so. as soon as she started avoiding hanging out with me. that was the red flag. i didnt think she would be such a big avoider but boy was i wrong. anyway the fact that she avoided me so stubbornly WAS the red flag that she might pull the ULTIMATE coup de grace of avoidance, and she did: cut me off entirely. crash the plane with no survivors. well except for her hahahaha she survived quite nicely.

so yeah there was kind of a red flag, but NO WAY was I in the right mind to see it. i was idealizing her, and holding on to blind hope.

you know why you cant have casual sex?

because SEX IS INHERENTLY INTIMATE.

Casual Sex doesnt really exist.

unless you have had SO MUCH of Aborted Intimacy that you have burned out all your oxytocin and CANT FEEL intimacy any more. then you can have casual sex.

and THIS is what you WANT???

ABSOLUTELY DISGUSTING.

so you go through the motions of REPRODUCTION, of LIFE CREATION, with a man you dont even know. you’re willing to roll that dice? take that risk? that seems like such a big, stupid, horrible risk to take! and so many women do it! idiots! sluts! degenerates! sodomites! absolutely disgusting! and its SAD too, when these are white gurls who were once nice, once had potential, and just threw THEMSELVES away like a piece of garbage.

its a terrible feeling when you have a caller on hold with a problem, and you dont understand the problem, and you just DONT KNOW WHAT TO TELL THEM. you have to fix the problem, but you dont know how to fix the problem, you dont understand the problem, you dont know what to tell them. and the only help you can get is from a monosyllabic higher up in a chat room that doesnt really explain things either. you have to FIGURE IT OUT how to explain it to the caller, and there will probably be a decent amount of BULLSHIT in there. you dont like to bullshit people, but you’re bullshit because there’s nothing else you CAN do. you must bullshit to survive. one call at a time, one day at a time. i cant go back to that style of work!!!!!!!!!!!! i hate not knowing what im doing, not knowing what to say to people, and having to come up with bullshit! cuz it SOUNDS liek obvious bullshit!

i try to be honest, i like being honest…..but i also dont like giving bad news, especially when i dont really understand it, or how to explain it. then i try to candy coat it with bullshit.

if you ask for help, they will tell you just read the shitty article till you understand it. thanks. i will do that when i get home and dont have to answer calls all day. sometimes they will be nice and try to explain it in actual english. but it will be an unclear explanation, because they dont have time for you. they really dont. they are too busy. there needs to be more of THEM to help you and your level 1 team idiots. but there simply ARENT ENOUGH people who know the shit at a deep level, because they all leave for Better Jobs ASAP. There are literally not enough people who know how things work.

how can you fix shit if you dont know how it works? youd be surprised. you just go through the motions, do band aid fixes, pass the buck, throw spaghetti at the wall, and sometimes shit sticks, but you dont know WHY. you just keep barreling through the cases and throwing spaghetti, and only 2 guys know how stuff really works, and theres no WAY you’re getting THEM on the phone to talk to callers directly. they’ve earned the privilege to not have to be down there in the trenches.

and i cant stick around without having a nervous breakdown long enough to earn that privileged position! it takes at least a few years!

but its funny. regarding the woman. it really does take an internal mental effort and does not involve her at all. but its not fookin easy. switching from the mindset of: she hates me, i did something wrong, to, she does not HATE me, i did nothing wrong, she just couldnt deal with pressure and ran away in the worst possible way.

its a simpler explanation and a BETTER explanation, but ive had a hard time accepting it. but i really SHOULD, for my long term health.

but it also has its own risks, like it tempts me to contact her again: oh if she doesnt HATE me, then maybe we could REKINDLE. NOPE. DO NOT DO THIS. it would be ANOTHER trainwreck.

SHE would have to show some interest, some initiative, put HER self out there like i did; put the ball in MY court, like i put the ball in HER court over and over and over again, and she just avoided it.

she can contact me, but i shouldnt contact her.

and she 99.99999999999999999999999999% wont contact me hahahaha.

but yeah its also good to not feel hated. hated by the one you still love. hahahaha. i mean really i have no proof for anything so why not believe the one thats both simpler, and better.

oh yeah. that bitch ashley, when the shrinks pushed her for more detail on why she was choosing Divorce from the white knight david, kept coming back to the facebook incident of how it broke her trust in him. great i thought. now shes essentially BLAMING HIM, and he, unless he is very emotionally strong, and HOW CAN YOU be emotionally strong after someone you’re invested in DUMPS you, well he might start blaming himself and thinking he did something wrong, and feel even WORSE. insult on top of injury. how DARE she blame him like that.

uhh as far as the other couples, i dont care as much, david and bitch ashley was the couple i was most interested in. neil and samantha would be next. i have to give her a little credit, she made some honest changes over the 6 weeks (wayyyy too short of a time period for this show) and went from being a total bitch, to being more loving and supportive and committed, so good for her. i actually think she might say yes at this point. neil is a total autistic bitchboi who i used to sorta like, now im not so sure. i actually think he could go either way. cuz he is just SO autistic, hes not merely an unmasculine beta, hes just fooking too weird. he might just say no to her, which is why she goes running out of the room.

as far as the black couple i dont really care about them, but they seem like the couple most likely to succeed, BUT i still dont trust HER, she might well say NO. cant really tell with her. shes nice to him most of the time but her “trust issues” and such might make her say no like a bitch. he will probably say yes. they are both fairly white acting blacks. they could work out well if SHE says yes. and he does seem trustworthy enough for her to say yes.

but yeah its just very difficult and takes a long time to get over someone you LOVED, they rejected you HORRIBLY, and you had a REAL longterm relationship with them.

its impossible to really get to know someone in 6 weeks. maybe you can get infatuated. and dont get me wrong, infatuation is strong, its real, it can very often be the beginning of real, true love. in fact i beleive you need infatuation to get to love. but you dont really know the person. that takes time.

with HER, i got to know her FIRST, and THEN came the infatuation MUCH later. but i already KNEW her, so the infatuation quickly turned to full blown luv. damn.

heh. funny. when i first met her, i was like, welp im GLAD she has a BF, because i could never date her. shes a nice sweet gurl but shes got too much baggage, i really dont want to deal with all that.

funny that as i got to know her, i decided that i COULD put up with the baggage. just as long as she wasnt a damn slut with a slut past. and she wasnt. and as it sunk in that she was REALLY done with her longterm BF, my feelings started to change. like yeah why SHOULDNT i try dating her. we get along great, we are good friends, we get along so well, have a lot in common, her baggage really is not a big deal any more, she’s not a slut, lets fookin do it, take the plunge. anddddddd then it turned out she was dating a new guy instead. and in the time that it took to scratch my head over that, she was done with HIM, due to his bad behavior. she said she was heartbroken.

this was kinda a warning sign too: how could she be OVER the first BF so quickly? how could she be in LOVE with a new guy so quickly? a guy who is a complete scumbag and probably gave her some diseases? i mean choosing him was a REAAAAAALLLLLLYYYYYYYY bad shitty decision on her part. also the fact that he was nonwhite. oh GOD. BURN THE COAL, PAY THE TOLL. I hated that. how could such a sweet nice gurl i was falling in luv with, make SUCH BAD DECISIONS?????!!?!?!?!?!?!

its sad to see someone you know and luv, make such bad shitty decisions. self destructive, embarrassing, degenerate shit. to see a good person go bad. that alone is very sad and breaks your heart. she is really at A Crossroads. she can either keep going down this path, which would be bad and sad, but now i kinda want her to destroy herself as Karma for how she destroyed me hahahaha. and i hate to think of her going down the right path and being a beautiful wonderful wife to some other super lucky guy.  when i wanted her to be my wonderful perfect wife hahahaha.

she was never a slut. she never got into Hard Drugs or Pills. These were probably the biggest risks to a gurl in her situation. BUT she experimented with Coal Burning. Oh Dear God. I mean that should be enough right? ESPECIALLY for me, since i am SO disgusted with coal burning. why would i even want to get NEAR her after that?!?!?!?! even if the guy is light skinned and white acting as opposed to a black as coal bix nood dindu nuffin hood rat? a barbaric tyrone with sagging pants who sets white gurls on fire and burns them alive? but rather a smooth talking charming will smith type? you should STILL know better than to fall for a smooth talking will smith type!!!!!!! i know you didnt have a father to teach you better!! but your mother is all right! what did SHE have to say about this??!??!?!?!

heh. so while i am kinda ashamed that i would have been so WILLING to forgive a COAL BURNER……that was how much i luved her. but i am still absolutely disgusted by coal burning.

it was just SO WEIRD. because she wasnt a slut, and this was the First Time she ever did such a thing. i mean i dont know for CERTAIN…..but im still pretty sure. trust me hahahaha.

in 2008 i think i was still a shitlib and voted for i dont even want to say his name. barry the darkie commie.

in 2012 i voted for mitt the mormon titt but i probably should have just thrown my vote away on ron paul hahahaha. point is, sometime between 08 and 12 i Turned. probably very much influenced by barry’s first term in office. i already had some of the red pills. i think prior to 08 i might have been discovering MRA, i definitely knew about Game, but i thought it was bad and a woman hating lie. but i appreciated MRA. but i didnt know what was degenerate and what was not. i couldnt articulate it. deep down i think i understood it though. that the idea of game and average PUAs were fookin muh dick degenerates. only roissy had the right idea, but he pretends to be QUITE the degenerate. deep down i think he wants a return to tradition and nondegeneracy. a writer like dalrock and maybe….i cant remember if its athol kay or rollo tomassi, that is about married game, longterm rel game. maybe even vox day touches on this a bit. vox day is generally a pretty good right wing thinker, but game is not his focus.

i was so into game and mra and mgtow because i was/am obsessed with women. women women women women women all the time. it was only the idea of Race that eventually pulled me away from women women women women women and got me to see the bigger picture. well thats not entirely true. bernard chapin helped me understand the big picture. hes a big picture mra/mgtow who understands the proper place of that movement: in the Right. and how feminism and moral decay is all part of Leftism, Cultural Marxism. and, like me, he is absolutely obsessed with women women women women women. i will always luv uncle bern, he was a big influence to me until just recently. when i really started getting into race. which he just doesnt touch. never mind the JQ. however he is good on mocking white privilege types, and he defends whites pretty strongly. but i would like to see him go even further. and i dont think he will. i feel bad for him that he hasnt found a decent woman yet and become a father. that would be a great thing for him to do. but hes already like 45 years old. not too old but….it DOES get harder to find a decent woman as you get older, and if SHES older, its harder for her to have children.

i dunno. if anyone can do it, he can. he deserves it. i just wouldnt want him to race mix with like a latina or something. i worry about that hahahahahahahahaha.

anyway hes a great guy with thousands of videos and i cant not recommend him. he was a big part of muh education. i even wrote him a Fan Email once and he responded to me and mentioned me in a video hahahaha. i was honored.

but i also liked the race stuff i was reading elsewhere. also i didnt want to be SO obsessed with women and i was starting to have doubts about mgtow. previous i was a hardcore proud mgtow. after a while i started to feel it was silly, and borderline woman hating. or at least anti-woman. and a lot of it IS. now there is some divide in the mgtow community, some will say you dont need to AVOID women, thats not what its about. i guess these would be the old mgtows. the NEWER mgtows are more extreme and hate women and shun women and want to have robotic wombs for reproduction. batshit crazy.

also i liked the idea of Traditionalists. some in the manosphere mocked “Tradcons” but i didnt see what the problem was.

anyway, long story short, i think SOME in the Manosphere would fit in well with the Alt Right, some but not all. not degenerates like roosh. i think forney might have the right idea and i liked in mala fide back in the DAY and i like some of forneys stuff even now. but he still has some degen tendencies that he needs to fix. plus im concerned he really may be a woman hater. i wish he would “just” find a decent woman, that would help him stop being a woman hater. but it is VERY hard to find a decent woman, well, to attract and keep a decent woman i should say. i cant do it either hahahaha. but i can totally empathize with forney. hes a little race conscious but he needs to be even moreso.

then theres aurini. yeah i guess by 2015-6 hes in a bit of a circle with forney, aaron clarey, and uncle bern. supposedly aurini was a huge degenerate and had secs with his friends wife. that is pretty sleazy. i dont know his position on this. ideally he would repent. also he seems like a possible woman hater.

again i cant judge, i totally understand woman haters, i might even be one myself hahahaha. definitely borderline. i dont really WANT to hate women. but i keep getting hosed by women. a lot of that is my fault…..well no more than 50% is my fault hahahaha. i have truly been unlucky with women. but maybe im PICKING the wrong women? but men dont pick women, women pick men! well, i was putting myself out there to be picked by the wrong women then. i wanted the wrong women.  i dunno. at least half of muh women have been good women, decent picks, not crazy whores. this last woman was a great woman, she just utterly HOSED me when she rejected me, she didnt HAVE to do it THAT badly. that was truly unlucky on my part, not that i picked the WRONG woman.

but yeah i really feel At Home now in 2016 on the Pro-White Alt-Right, it has everything i’m looking for and none of what i dont: anti degeneracy, anti sluts, anti feminism, anti marxism, pro tradition, pro whites, JQ aware, its just the perfect package for me, and right now, TRS is my go to for that type of stuff, and has one of the best forums i’ve ever seen. i really appreciate they are not women haters, and many of them are Married, and have Children. this is the thing I could never get out of MGTOW and MRA. they were too anti marriage and never talked about being fathers. just how their bitch ex wife ruined their lives and took their children.

yes that happens and it sucks and its why we NEED MRA and MGTOW. but ive just had too much of that and need to know that men and women can still get together and have good families. the idea of marriage and children is increasingly important to me as i get older. i would LUV to find a good wife and have some children. this is not a large emphasis in MRA/MGTOW at all. they might defer to Game/PUA on how to deal with women…….and 95% of that is FOOKING DEGENERATE, and also says All Women Are Like That, when i would HOPE that Some Women are Like That (degen sluts), but Some Arent (Decent Marriagable Traditional Women.)

so yeah i would like to see MUCH more nondegen Game writing, like Dalrock i guess. Marriage game, monogamy game, traditional game, wife game. words that sound ridiculous when paired with “game.” hahahaha Friends First Game. White Wife Game. 14 Words Game. Virgin Game.

yeah. its just sad to see 45 year old men who dont have a wife and children. they have to feel like theyre missing something. i know i would. maybe im imposing my attitude on that. but i think bernard would be a good father for sure. clarey probably would. and even aurini and forney have the potential to be  good fathers. even fooking ROOSH, the ultradegen kabob hahaha.  if they “JUST” found a good woman and started having keeds. i think they would rise to the occasion, and be better, less degenerate men for it. its just what they need!!!!!

maybe me getting older and thinking about Being A Father more precipitated my Ideological Move towards something more family-oriented, less degenerate. im sure it did actually.

as far as the Meaning Of Life, I think having Children and raising them is as close to the Meaning Of Life as we are gonna find. i mean this is pretty obvious once you get to be a certain age. its what we were put on this earth to do.

yeah its HARD to raise kids and even if we have good intentions and try our best and give our kids all they need, they still turn out to be screwups hahahaha. like some of us hahahaha. what shame we must bring on our families hahahaha. and we cant blame them. they tried their best. they gave us everything. they worried and worried and lost sleep and stressed out over whether or not they were raising us right, and they gave it every ounce of effort they had. MOST of the time this is more than enough to raise a child to successful adulthood. they get a job, achieve things in life, meet a mate, have some children of their own. others of us take a more circuitous route hahahahaha.

but yeah i have OBVIOUSLY reached the age where i am in my “dad phase” and i feel like DAMN, i should have had some KIDS by now. so there IS a kind of biological clock for men, for me at least.

yet ive done nothing with my life after college, i have been stuck for the past 11 years hahahaha. never got an acceptable job, never found a good wife, never had children. now a job is a necessary evil which im not passionate about, but i am very passionate about women, especially finding a wife essentially: a long term monogamous committed relationship. wife is good shorthand term for that. i dont care if the mgtow faggots start reeeeeeeeeeeeeing hahahahaha. i want a wife and i want a GOOD one. not some piece of shit slut coalburner single mom hahahahaha with shitty tattoos or any tattoos really.

waaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa. SHE, that WOMAN, didnt have any tattoos on her lovely white skin!!!!!!! which, considering her unfortunate background, is pleasantly surprising; considering she was almost predestined to become a slut, get shitty tattoos, become a single mom, get addicted to drugs or pills, just become a total white trash degenerate in other words. just the worst white trailer trash. and she avoided all those traps. except for the coalburning. she might not even do that again cuz she might have learned her lesson!!!!!!!!

lotta good it does me though, if she has no feelings for me, no interest in me, no will to be with me and make it work. it takes two baby. team work to make the dream work hahahahahaha.

http://www.health.harvard.edu/newsweek/Calories-burned-in-30-minutes-of-leisure-and-routine-activities.htm

working at the tech support call center, i always felt overwhelmed, put upon, flustered, freaking out, i dont know what im doing, i dont know what to do, i dont know how to do my job, i dont know what to tell them, just tell me what to do and i will do it, nope doesnt work that way, just figure it out and do something fast. drink lots of coffee, have lots of watery coffee poops, i dont know how im gonna make it to lunch, i dont know how im gonna come back from lunch and finish the rest of my shift, oh god im done, but i gotta go this again tomorrow. and the day after that, and after that, and after that. ive gotta go home and study everything i dont understand, which is everything.

you almost NEEDED drugs to take the edge off every day. something to relax you and clear your mind. for a while i was taking MJ every day and it kinda worked for this purpose. but its degen and bad to take MJ every day. its no way to be.

a better way to be would be to work out like a madman. there were a couple of those types there, and they were in damn good shape. a few guys were practically Bodybuilders, just ripped. and im sure the stress from the job contributed to their working out so hard. get out of a long stressful shift and just go to the gym and go nuts. work out all weekend. hard to do if you have kids, which most people did.

other people were just fat slobs who went home and played vidya games, ate shitty food, drank a ton of soda, and were obese couch/chair potatoes. muching away at their mcdonalds and drinking tons of soda at their desks while working.

there were a LOT of anime nerds and vidya nerds. all about anime and fooking computer games, not just damn console games like the plebs.

there was one guy who was pretty fat and super nerdy, into computer games and anime. but he was very happy and cheerful and chill, and had a suprisingly good looking WIFE.

other animu nerds were just straight up lonely neckbeard virgins and just seemed despairing and sad and lonely. i felt pretty sorry for them.

some people drank too much on the weekends. you couldnt really drink on work nights because this is not the type of job you can do hungover.

some jobs you can do hungover. some jobs you can do while smoking MJ all day ON THE JOB. this was not one of those jobs.

but one guy, who was pretty chill, he would go out to his car on breaks and do MJ Dabs, then come right back in and Work His Cases and deal with people. i dont know how he did it. he was a real nice guy but i heard he did meth or coke sometimes too.

anyway you had to learn to not let it GET to you. some people had that down. and would just stuff their fat faces and get fatter. i was too stressed out to even EAT. i didnt learn that crucial lesson.

after like 4 months it started to get better. i could eat, i wasnt freaking out as much, me and the woman sat near each other and got along as good as ever.

but as shit started to go downhill with her, stuff also intensified on the job front, and i was more stressed out there. and stressed out with her. and jealous that she seemed to be handling the job stress better than me. and that she was less willing to be friendly to me. becuase i was pushing her and being too needy and needing too much support.

i took the tech cases very seriously, too seriously, and she didnt take them seriously enough. i was jealous of her laid back approach. this probably came from her being an MJ addict. she would take MJ on her off time, as did I, but i was still very uptight when i came in to work. she wasnt. i quizzed her with job related questions that were eating me up, and she just laughed them off. and in the end she stayed sane, kept the job, and might even get a damn promotion. or get a better job. fook her hahahaha.

i GUESS its GOOD to be gone from that ridiculous job. i just wish it hadnt happened that way. me being so unable to deal with the damn woman at the job, which led me to not being able to really DO the job.

i was sort of doing the job though. scraping by at the bare minimum. it was impossible to do any better. i thought shit would be better since i was off of Inbound Phones. and technically it WOULD have been a lot better. shit just got SO bad with her, i couldnt even do the nonphone job. to be fair there was stress with that job too. it was a super involved project where so much unpredictable unknown shit could go wrong…..and did. it was impossible to prepare for all that went wrong. you had to take it as it came, and wing it. other people were moving a lot faster than i was, either because they were cutting corners, or i was going too slow and not multitasking enough. prob a combination of both. i think there was a decent amount of corner cutting there. i did a little bit of it myself. it made you look more efficient, and efficiency was all that mattered.

i probably WAS leaning on her more than i should have for the moral support on the job. but i sorta stopped that, and began to rely more on other people. but i was still bitter at her for not being WILLING to support. its not like she didnt know how the job was. you just had to dig deep within yourself and find your happy place. i couldnt do that as well as she could. PLUS she was certainly aware of the tension between us. she was and i was. so even our small talk was Charged with some amount of tension, of the elephant in the room. the elephant in every interaction, every chat with her.

then she yelled at me once when i came to visit her. so i stopped visiting her, but i felt angry that she wouldnt even let me visit her once a day at the end of my shift to just say goodbye. i thought we were friends! now i cant even VISIT you? what the fook!!!!!! she was right over there, but i was banned from visiting her. i was still allowed to talk to her on chat though. fooking fantastic. what a blessing. what a gift.

on one hand, we WERE chained to our desks, so it WAS normal for people to use the chat program to chat with somebody seated 10 feet away. we didnt have the luxury of just getting up and talking to someone. because we were chained to our desks and had to answer calls or answer chats and finish as many cases as quickly as possible. but to not even take 2 minutes to say hi on lunch or before leaving?

oh yeah. another thing i didnt like was, i always visited her, and she NEVER visited me. she NEVER came over to MY area before her shift or on her break just to Say Hi or Bye to ME. i forgot about that. but its a great indicator of disinterest from her, and how there was a huge imbalance in the rel. she could have visited ME sometimes. also its not like i was trying to distract her from her work. i knew everyone was super busy all the time and you cant even really have small talk because youre focused on the current case, trying to pay attention to the caller or chatter. so really i was just trying to say hi or bye or how are you today and nothing more.

well the one time she yelled at me i WAS being kind of ridiculous on that instance.

but i still wish we talked about that incident. i kinda wanted her to apologize for overreacting. and it was an opportune time to discuss the Problems in our Rel.

but again i am kinda a confrontation avoider too. but she was even WORSE.

the best thing i could have done there was step up and be assertive, because she sure wasnt gonna. and say, THIS ENDS NOW.

instead i apologized for being weird and pushy to her, and secretly hoped she would apologize for yelling at me.

it wasnt really YELLING. you couldnt really make a scene there. but it was the most DIRECT thing she ever communicated to me with words: would you please leave now. just leave.

i was so shocked i couldnt respond, and i just left. and then apologized to her like a bitch over chat at the end of the day, although i was waiting for her to chat with me FIRST and apologize to me hahahahaha. of course she didnt. cuz it was all my fault.

to be fair i didnt act like a MAN and ASSERT MYSELF. i was essentially giving her permission to WALK ALL OVER ME, and by god she did, and showed me all the disrespect you would give a DOORMAT. i was a DOORMAT.

and when is a woman gonna give a DOORMAT the benefit of the doubt.

i dunno. i just women werent so hard on doormats hahahahaha. besides we were friends. i wish she said why are you being a doormat, dont be that way. and i wish i had been more assertive and stood up for myself.

i can totally understand why women, why people, dont respect doormats. but i wonder if they actually gave respect to the doormat, then the doormat might stop being a doormat.

but doormats dont deserve respect!

BUT i was thinking probably that because we were friends, yes i did deserve more respect as part of our friendship! maybe i wasnt a doormat, maybe i was just going through a rough patch and needed her to be there for me, support me, show me love and respect. or to hang out with me sometime. to want to spend time with me. rather than me being restricted to just chatting with her at work. thats not what a real friendship looks like!!!!!!

real friends hang out with each other!!!! are there for each other!!!!! end the friendship in a friendly way!!!!!

i mean i wasnt ALWAYS a doormat with her. we had a PAST! a HISTORY! a FOUNDATION! ROOTS!!!! and she just seemed to be disregarding all that. well yeah. she was distancing. she was ending the rel right then and there, checking out.

and its true i was acting different. then she acted different. and that was a fookin vicious circle.

TECHNICALLY SHE could have said THIS ENDS NOW. but she was not the type to do that. therefore the responsibility fell on me. plus the man SHOULD do that.

well she DIDNT need to say this ends now, she COULD HAVE just said YES i will hang out with you, lets hang out saturday and chill out and talk. THAT is something even a woman should be able to do. yes i accept your invitation to hang out. which i was asking her every 2 weeks so as not to be too pushy. hahahaha. a pushy doormat.

wanna hang out this weekend. maybe. ill text you and let you know. no text. talk to her on monday. how was you weekend. oh good. no comment on how she didnt text me. and i was too pussy to say THIS ENDS NOW. then friday say what are you doing this weekend? wanna hang out? we couldnt hang out last weekend you never texted me. oh yeah sorry abotu that. this weekend i dunno. ill text you if i can.  AND SO ON. it could have easily gone on longer than 10 months hahahahaha.

so yeah not my finest hour but i would have appreciated a LITTLE BIT of concern and effort from her. anything. just hang out with me for 2 hours. 3 would be better. ill buy you dinner. please please please please.

yeah its pathetic. i guess in the past i was a doormat to women as well. its so rarely i am interested in a woman so i forgot that when i am, i can be pushy, and a doormat. either way i have to stop doing that shit, and start ASSERTING myself, saying THIS ENDS NOW.

although next time i get interested in a woman, so much time will have passed, that i will have forgotten that i have a bad habit to become a doormat when i am interested in women hahahaha. since i only get interested in women once every 3 years hahahaha.

A REASONABLE EXPECTATION OF KINDNESS =/= ENTITLED TO LUV

0116

well the men on the fatherland podcast said that to get a good woman you gotta be a decent man, ie not an omega basement dweller neet jobless fat neckbear doritos vidya fapping loser hahaha. you have to have your HOUSE IN ORDER. and i most certainly dont! so why do i think i DESERVE a decent woman?

because at heart, deep down, i am a decent guy with a Good Heart and Good Intentions who wants to be a good husbando and father. but i havent PROVEN myself worthy or capable of that yet. and of course the road to HELL is paved with good INTENTIONS. intentions mean NOTHING. ACTIONS mean EVERYTHING. the proof is in the pudding.

so i was surprised to even befriend a woman better than what i thought i deserved. the only women who should want to hang otu with me would be ugly old sluts with bastard mud babies. not young cute girls with a low number and no kids!

well the only reason she became friends with me was because she needs a father figure, and her LTR was stagnating/failing at that time. yikes. well thats humbling. and i thought she liked me as a person hahahahaha.

well i think she really did. but the no father and the bad LTR were influencing her friendship with me whether she knew it or not, and she prob did not. its always unconscious/subconscious forces with these women hahaah.

thats just what women ARE and i dont like it hahaha.

fatherland tacitly recommends athol kay, dalrock, and some rollo tomassi as advisers on “married game” which is IMHO the nondegenerate version of game. where you want to find and win and keep a good decent marriageable wife.

of course i am familiar with all these names from when i read GAME stuff, they have all been around for years.

http://www.salon.com/2015/01/10/the_plight_of_the_bitter_nerd_why_so_many_awkward_shy_guys_end_up_hating_feminism/

goddamn i dont want to link directly TO it, but archive.is does not archive the comments for it.

oh god. salon. arthur chu. defending dr nerdluv (i searched dr nerdlove sucks) against those bitter, lonely, shy, woman-hating nerds who got rejected because they are really creepy, woman-hating, entitled, niceguytms.

AT THE RISK of sounding like a Loser MGTOW, I agree with the hardcore mgtows, dr nerdlove is jsut as bad as arthur chu. they are MALE FEMINISTS. GTFO.

i am the first to admit i am not perfect. and i am the first to say yeah yeah i know im not OWED anything, im not entitled to anything from women.

but to sit there and eat shit and smile? to be cucked and disrespected and like it? to say YEP IM NOT EVEN ENTITLED TO BASIC RESPECT? that is a line too far. and that is what nerdlove is calling for.

i know im not entitled to secs or luv. TECHNICALLY im not entitled to communication or respect or kindness. but i think you can have a REASONABLE EXPECTATION of those things, and thats not the same thing as “ENTITLEMENT.”

i just get triggered and mgtowy when i see bitchy feminists making excuses for women to be total bitches. like just because youve been having secs with a guy for 3 months doesnt mean you OWE him to make an EFFORT to be kind to him when you dump him. because its just secs, its just a casual short term rel, you dont owe anybody anything, you can jsut throw people away like trash and if they get upset, thats THEIR fault. god damn.

ok i did not harrass her with constant messages. i sent one email per 10 days. after 3 emails i said welp she obviously doesnt want to respond so i am gonna go NIC. she has blocked me on FB, prob blocked me on the phone, prob blocked me on email. sending me a clear message/signal. so i will stop contacting her.

and i DID. cold turkey. never contacted her again after that final email.

but god damn, the pain still went on and on and on and on, and i fought the urge to contact her! because this shit aint right!!!!!!

but i respected her unrespectable shitty wishes to throw me away like garbage, and stopped contacting her.

respect their wishes. what a dumb statement. yes i RESPECT being thrown away like garbage.

no. rather, i will BE THE BETTER MAN by not trying to STRONGARM her, but i sure as hell dont have to be a HAPPY CUCK about it. you dont have to LIKE being treated like SHIT.

heh. i dont know if she was a 6 or a 7. as i fell in luv with her i was sure she was an 8. but in truth she was a 6 or 7. but there is a lot of difference between a 6 and a 7 hahahaha.

well in 10 years she will def be a 6 hahahaha. esp if she is fat and has bastard kids hahaha. but she might not get fat.

one nerd on those salon comments said, just do gurlfran experience GFE with a hooker, 300 bucks a pop, “a bunch of times”, and that is “much cheaper and more fun than going to a shrink.”

is it really 300 bucks? i assumed it would be much much more, cuz you;d want a good looking hooker, for essentially 2 or more hours. youd think that would be at least 800 bucks a pop.

were not saying we are entitled to a luving waifu. we just want to not be treated like SHIT, arthur CHU. ph4ggot.

the implication of these marxists is, YES, you DESERVE to be treated like a piece of SHIT, because you ARE a piece of SHIT, for thinking youre ENTITLED to being treated like anything BUT a peice of SHIT!!!!!!!

REEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE MARXISTS GTFO!!!!!!!!!

http://bbs.dailystormer.com/

i should also spend some time with daily stormer board. they are seen as slightly less “intelligent” than TRS [citation needed] and perhaps more emotional, but in that case TDS (not to be confused with the daily shoah) should be right up my alley. plus its nice that anglin puts his name, face, and address out there. not all of us are that brave, willing to give everything like that! who cares if hes a manlet! who cares if he banged a filipina slut years ago! he has a reputation as a woman hater, but really he just believes women have the decision making capacity of children and need to be led/guided by their men.

heh and i was hoping even THIS wasnt even true, i HOPED for women that could be Emotionally Mature and be able to Handle Relationships Like Adults. who would be capable of some agency in their rels; who would make an EFFORT to not treat people like shit. in fact i still hope there are women who are Mature like this.

he’s been banned by paypal, banned by disqus, he’s got all the right enemies hahaha.

good goy / 10 hahaha. if i were gainfully employed i would give him some money. and TRS. and mill woes.

some say that “fapping” without porn is a slippery slope to “fapping” WITH porn. i respectfully disagree. i can separate the two quite easily thank GOD. but i am hestitantly thinking about doing “nofap” ALTOGETHER, teetotaling completely. not that ive been that horny. not at all as a matter of fact. the only thing is the thought that forcing myself to JO thinking of random women is a way to try to erase HER from my mind. and to that end, the negligible degeneracy of no-porn fapping is mitigated. justified.

anyway. sighhhh. if i had just been stronger and not dropped the ball. i guess the trick to that is, get out in front of it early, then you get more leverage. and wont need herculean strength to handle it later, after its grown to herculean proportions of shittiness hahaha.

i read on reddit that sam hyde got a film degree at RISD and then did “postgraduate” work at carnegie mellon prob in film production related stuff. not sure if he completed a masterz degree. they say he worked as a car salesman where he almost certainly made more money than in film. but RISD and CM are Good Schools, people have Heard Of Them.

anyway sam hyde really is on our side and should be supported and its sad he cant make enough money to have a white family, but what he is doing takes some balls.

i wonder how he did as a car salesman. his performance hhehehehe.

the same page said he only had 1 gf ever who dumped him in 2011 and he went into a despair.

http://mpcdot.com/forums/topic/1386-autoadmit-gleanings/page__st__120#entry172304

this made me lol, about a fatass that ate 37 big macs a day, turned into a funny story

ok the guy only at 20000 calories a day, which is……ok prob like 40 big macs hahaha

http://mpcdot.com/forums/topic/8300-porn-isnt-bad-for-you-its-good-for-you-dad/

hehe some triggering anti millennial stuff here:

quote ”

What’s wrong with ‘getting your s**t together’ at 26?

I don’t like the idea it but not much really. It’s just that most of the time “I have to figure things out and finally get my s**t together” is a bullshit excuse said by millenials going nowhere. What I said is not specific to marriage or being in a career either. I just expect by the mid-20s an adult shouldn’t be loafing around in their parents’ house without a plan in mind. I know a guy like this, 28, got his first job at 21 although he’s now jobless. He lives in the house he grew up in but his parents and siblings have moved out. His mother still pays for most of the bills and he recently inherited some money. He takes courses at community college but isn’t sure if he’s going to university. I asked what he’d do with the money he received and he told me he’d invest in some real estate. That sounds like something resembling long term thought but of course he still just NEEDED the latest iPhone :lolno:

For me that would be an unacceptable life situation (I would consider suicide) but I think it’s more typical for a mid-20s millenial to be living with a roommate and taking a shitjob to pay for rent and student debt, and/or doing grad school, than to live with mom while unemployed and taking 8 units at a community college…the point being that ‘not having your s**t together’ doesn’t necessarily equate to ‘lazy and listless’

” end quote

hehehehehehehehehehehehehehe hehehehehehe

too much of a neet loser to even take 16 creds at the CC hahahahahahahahaha thats me and you!!!!!

however MPC seems like a good community too of smart wise men we would do well to listen to. anti degen, etc. and a good read alongside TRS. not sure when MPC came about. this is the type of stuff you graduate to after leaving 4chan and 8chan pol, and have more of a focus, an actual community with usernames, more effortposts, reputation, etc, more of an ingroup/outgroup identity etc.

anyway i will give MPC a like but i would have to lurk there a few months to really understand the group. they would hate me for being a loser millennial with low moral fortitude. no courage. no guts. every man gets fear, but COURAGE is what you use to STAND UP AND FIGHT in the face of your fear. and i dont have that. no courage, no balls, no spine. so what if i have good intentions, a good heart.

http://mpcdot.com/forums/topic/8316-raped-in-the-peace-corp-now-i-post-on-mpc/

how people got into mpc

i mean theres gotta be a lot of overlap with pol and TRS. right wing, race realists, anti degen, often a little religions, like memes and funny pictures, anti marxism, etc.

https://encyclopediadramatica.se/My_Posting_Career

some good information, but i thought ED would be sympathetic. at least 2 years ago i said ED was kewl, i now take that back, since here they expose themselves as degenerate leftists and attack roissy and MPC and such.

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Cuckservative

wiki cites an SPLC article calling MPC “far right” and TRS “white nationalist” hahahaha well there you have it.

https://archive.is/Ywzje

i will defeinitely not link to SPLC hahahaha well the actual SPLC article doesnt specifially identify those sites as those things but they certainly would.

http://mpcdot.com/forums/best-content/

the most upvoted posts go to this page and get cute little gifs in the upper right based on how many upvotes. 100 seems to be very high. all a bunch of interesting, well-composed, well thought effortposts by obviously Successful Adult Men who did good at college and good at career and can Write Coherently and probably have to do so in their Bigboy Careers.

fooking mangina feminists. i am not dictating to her or saying im entitled to Closure. im saying that a decent person would TRY.

A DECENT PERSON WOULD MAKE SOME SMALL EFFORT AT LEAST to be nicer.

That’s all i expected. i know im not entitled to shit.

so…..are MRA’s as pathetic as MGTOWs? i dunno, i think MRAs do have very valid claims and i agree that feminism must be destroyed. so…..maybe i am back to being an MRA after going a bit too far off the reservation with MGTOW. but it was Race Consciousness which brought me back down to earth, by basically saying, without white babies, whites will lose.

and we need those damn white sluts to make white babies.

ideally they would be a noble pure virtuous shieldmaiden. but we can make some compromises considering the state of our world. how about basically any fertile white woman who hasnt already had a nonwhite baby. setting the bar bretty low here.

hey im not bitching AT HER. i stopped emailing her after 1 month and it was obvious she didnt even want to listen to me. i knew then that she didnt want to be contacted and she has to get whatever she wants otherwise its contactrape. and she doesnt need to have any accountability for being a decent person and im the bad guy if i want to hold her accountable cuz otherwise its contactrape because shes not CONSENTING to me contacting her.

the consenting adults bullshit. you think child molesters consent to going to prison when they get convicted? hell no!

well thats because we have a social and legal contract giving the legal system the authority to do things to convicted criminals that are against the convicteds consent. and she hasnt been convicted of anything except in my own mind. and perhaps other people would agree with me that she did not handle it well.

either way im not contacting her. although i kinda wish i had been less nice to her in the emails and said this is fooking bullshit, i dont appreciate this, i deserve some god damn respect, and i am very disappointed with you disrespecting me, this is not good karma, this is really shitty, you should feel bad, and you should apologise.

so yeah dr nerdluv, im not sitting here begging her for closure. i am done begging. i just dont think guys should stand by and LET themselves get treated like shit, without telling the other person. they should STAND UP FOR THEMSELVES.

 

 

THINK LESS WITH YOUR CL1TORIS AND MORE WITH YOUR UTERUS!!!!!!

0109

i was watching “married at first sight” and at least 2 of the 3 couples were having communication problems where the woman was SHUTTING DOWN and the man was getting frustrated trying to communicate with them. looked real familiar! and it was implied that the man had to do all the work here, and learn how to communicate differently, to make their wife open up to them, to break through that wall.

well how about the wife learn how to communicate differently, namely, not shut down when there husband tries to communicate?

they go see dr pepper (oh wow i just got that dumb joke haha) and neil the bearded beta who i dont think is fully white says he is committed to working on this. his bitch wife says she is indifferent, and is totally ruled by The Hamster. she is not attracted to neil at all, therefore she doesnt have to try. its all up to him. and then when he does the work, she gets resentful and distant to him. she just wants him to Be More Manly.

which is understandable, he’s not super manly. but hes trying. he goes and shoots guns with her father. he looked like a liberal pantywaste who would be afraid of evil white oppressive hateful bigoted punching down guns.

how do leftist gun hating men ever get women? if leftist men are basically very very very unmasculine men.

anyway is it NORMAL for the man to do MORE than the woman? the man has to do all the heavy lifting, the woman shuts down because he’s not reading her mind, he gets understandably frustrated, she becomes “indifferent” and shuts down. then its time to go to the marriage counselor becuase hes not reading her mind and doing what she wants.

like the guy david who is asking for just 15 minutes to talk about Their Rel with his new wife, then she gets frustrated and shuts down because idk lol. and he gets frustrated very understandably. it is worse than pulling teeth. he wants to communicate but she just does want to or know how to! and HES the bad guy for trying!

you cant use logic and communication on women!

maybe communication is a manly masculine thing because its logical. to try to negotiate and fix problems and figure shit out. thats all masculine. they just need to put the wmen in their place.

but women are so damn emotional, i wish they could communicate abotu their emotions better. but its always idk stop bothering me. theyre mad but dont know why theyre mad, other than to know YOU are making them mad. its YOUR fault.

i wish that were not normal, that women had more agency and maturity and communication skills than that.

BUT IS THAT TOO MUCH TO ASK FOR??????

i honestly do not know.

communication is a masculine thing. therefore men cannot communicate with women logically. really these men need to MAN UP and its funny that neils wifes father told neil that. now mgtow virgins take offense at that and i agree its not the best way to say it. especially to the modern man who has no idea how to be a man!

give them good actionable deliverables. like, just give her a good spanking. put her in her place. next time she shuts down, tell her to stop acting like a BABY and just go in the kitchen and make me a sammich! thats what they WANT even though they cant articulate it! and if you asked them if thats what they wanted theyd say no! they dont know what they want!

they have so little agency, so poor communiation, so little self-knowlege (yet lots of narcissism!) that they dont even know what they want!!!!! and what they do want, theyll tell you they dont want!

is this ALL women, or is this just bad unhealthy toxic women?

it sounds stupid as fook.

i like the Odinist European Ideal, where men and women worked together as a team, they respected each other, and respected each others natural roles, and luved and respected each other.

give her a spanking. tell her to make you a sandwich. essentially act as her FATHER and give her DISCIPLINE to make her stop throwing a childish TANTRUM. loving discipline, but discipline nonetheless.

of course all the dr peppers in the world and LMFT’s wont and cant tell you this!

but i just wish women had a LITTLE more agency, awareness, and maturity than this.

i think about varg v and marie, the perfect traditional family. you think SHE acts like such a fookin RETARD all the time? does varg have to treat her like a CHILD and discipline her all the time? maybe once in a great great great while. but then again she/they have FIVE YOUNG KIDS. i think that forces a woman to become more mature too.

so another possible solution would be, get that woman pregnant NOW. and as soon as she has that baby, put another in her ASAP. then another. none of this take a year off nonsense. I think the experience of being preggers for 18 or more straight months has a PROFOUNDLY POSITIVE effect on a woman.

http://www.angelojohngage.com/?p=355

(site expired, AJG is currently trying to focus on Real Life Activism)

mgtow, not for real white men, by ajg

this gets at why i am moving away from mgtow. that it is just too defeatist, anti-woman, divide and conquer, just the mirror image of feminists, meninists. i cant stop believing that men and women exist to complement each other and be together as a kind of team. a nuclear family. and mgtow divides men from women JUST LIKE FEMINISM DOES.

hehehehe i remember i told That Woman about stuff like MRA and MGTOW and how i used to be into that. maybe she dumped me because she thought all mgtows were pussies. and now whenever she sees a mgtow thing she will think of me and how weak i was and what a piece of shit i am.

i never got a chance to talk to her about my transition AWAY from mgtow towards racial stuff. WELL, i talked about it a LITTLE. I talked about j00s and zionists, i told her about david duke was a decent guy to listen to sometimes, i think i even talked with her once about “white nationalism” hahahaha. so yeah i did talk about these things with her a little. but its kinda hard to have an in depth serious talk when someone never wants to hang out iwth you!

like this MAFS tv show. they were at least still ahnging out with each other, talking small talk to each other, the woman might not be willing to work on their rel, but the woamn was at LEAST willing to go to the marriage counselor with the man.

this was ALL a LOT more than she was willing to do with me. we culdnt even have a 30 minute CONVERSATION. we couldnt even go out to DINNER together. she didnt even want to go to a MOVIE with me. or DINNER. or a walk in the PARK. or a 30 minute TALK.  hey i would have been more than willing to go to a rel counselor too hahaha! i was desperate to do ANYTHING to keep her!

when the bottom line is, we NEVER HAD that kind of serious rel!

well, we DID have a pretty long term friendship! that counted for something i argue!

https://archive.is/YAsb6

archive of that hahaha

the reddit thread was in response to AJG’s video ^^^

then AJG made a vieo in response to reddit vvvv

https://web.archive.org/web/20160109174729/https://www.reddit.com/r/MGTOW/comments/402vjx/oh_shit_you_guys_the_rapefugees_are_our_fault/

hahahahahahaha

im not sure if mgtow was ALWAYS this bad. i dont think it was. but as the world gets worse, so does mgtow, and in 2016 i believe mgtow is Too Far Gone, and alt-right is the way to go.

but yeah there are more important things than complaining about women, such as women getting raped by rapeugees, yet these mgtows are so bitter and woman hating they end up getting shadenfreude, you reap what you sow bitches etc. this is not the appropriate response!

in other words, the mgtows should be a little MORE of a white knight. i think part of being a MAN is being a white knight, TO AN EXTENT. dont be a white knight when it hurts you. it is becoming ridiculously obvious that these men had bad experiences with horrible women, now they think all women are like that. and truly TOO MANY women are like that due to a horrible culture. many but not all! i just want them to find a good woman already to show them that WOMEN are not the problem. the joos are the problem hahahahahahahahahahaha.

no not just the joos but the elites who create and manage our world and culture and lives. of which the joos are a big part hahaha.

but yeah when you have your own personal problems with wimmin……..that can overshadow more important things in the world and lead you to go mgtow.

anyway never did i ever say stuff to her like “I will K muh self if you leave me” cuz i know thats a really bad thing to say to a wimmin or anyone hahahaha. just wanted to make that clear.

registered for TRS forum.

yeah i just hate that the Quantity AND quality of my mate POOL is shrinking as i grow older hehehehe.

and i hate thinking That Woman was TOO GOOD for me. i wasnt GOOD enough to MERIT a woman THAT GOOD.

she wasnt a piece of shit, but she did a shitty thing, and i AM a pretty omega (gamma?) male, but i hate thinking she was TOO GOOD for me.

ok, she wasn’t too good to be friends with me, but she IS too good to date and fook and luv and have churren w me.

but she luvs badbois and blax because…..she never had a good masculine role model. the end. next chapter plz.

becoming a member of TRS alows me to see the secret standard pool party page, which i was hoping it would! TRS people meet up in real life aka “MEATSPACE” and i think this is fooking GREAT. it only makes sense. there are even a few people in my general area. i should really try meeting up with them!

but yeah. i think damn i will never even BE FRIENDS with such a high value woman again:

25 years old

very few lovers, under 5

no known slut phase

chill

nice

no children

no huge mental craziness

never been raepd/abused

no drug problemz

there were a few yellow flags: no real father, no real stepfather, mother not good with men, one of her very few secs partners was a nonwhite, and something else i dont raelly want to mention here.

but i say yellow flags not red, because in light of her whole person, i was able to look past these non dealbreaking things.

her single mother was/is a decent mother to her as well, takes good care of her children despite not being able to pick a good man.

they say to get better with women, have female friends.

heh welp you might end up falling in luv with them.

also, why should you be friends with degenerate women? women are so degenerate and its a bad influence to hang out and be friends with degenerates. dont hang out with degen losers. you are better than that! so why become friends with a huge crazy slut?

bbbbbecause she might be a good person and a good friend, just has flaws like we all do?

well, does YOUR degeneracy involve gambling with human life?

like it does when women drunkenly, quickly open their uterus to strangers????

THINK LESS WITH YOUR CLITORIS AND MORE WITH YOUR UTERUS!!!!!

i thought of that one while at the fatclub the other day hahahaha.

dont think with the little head, think with the big head.

long time preference. i mean low time preference.

time preference is a great code word “dog whistle” that you are a right wing shitlord. a good signal you can send to other possible shitlords in a public setting.

anyway degen modern women think only with their clitoris. or vag. just in terms of the physical pleasure. with NO REGARD to the fact that there is a baby making uterus at the end of it. which men dont have. which makes secs much much different for men.

currently there is a big raid #NRORevolt of alt right people like TRS and daily stormer and maybe pol raiding national reviews comment sections, i am just watching. it is funny and interesting to watch. seeing super racist stuff on the “moderate cuckservative” website. i am still not sure the point, like why raid a cuckservative site, over a full leftist site, or maybe even a less cucky right wing site like breitbart or taki or whatever. conservative treehouse? they might welcome the traffic and be open to the ideas!

some of the trolls are just stupid and spamming with long nonsense comments that dont really do our/my side any good. others trolls give very insightful or very clever or hilarious comments. i prefer those.

also some of the cucky legit nro regular commenters seem to think We Are leftists from salon or something pretending to be nazis. hehehe.

i am not personally involved in this raid! apparently its best to have a VPN as well as at least 10 disqus accounts ready to go and create them with throwaway mails.

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───▄▄██▌█ beep beep
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stuff like that is bretty funny tho

 

0110

http://www.theatlantic.com/business/archive/2015/12/why-isnt-there-a-starbucks-for-hugs/418332/

professional snugglers/cuddlers for hire oy vey. i was talking about something like this

heh see moden women think its WEIRD to say lets hang out on friday because thats not spontaneous enough. saying a specific date and time makes it sound like a date, which is CREEPY, because its not casual sex. anything that is not casual sex is creepy and unsexy. only casual sex is sexy. taking human life seriously is unsexy and creepy.  you say lets hang out sometime ahahhaha.

redacted forum thread about doing a degen Practice Gurl

26 yo virgin wants a nondegen trad wife; finds a degen dtf easy whoreslut. should he bang her just to get the experience even though its a degen act and he’s technically anti degen?

yeah i would.

QUOTE from pseudanon guy giving his 2 cents: ”

RULE 1: DO NOT LET YOUR SPOOGE GET INSIDE THAT WHORE.

I’m old, and don’t have enough fingers to count the number of my friends who paid over $1,000 per month in government-mandated child support payments FOR 18 YEARS to some skank they poked in a nightclub parking lot.

Remember: Your semen might be worth (12 x 18 x $1,000) $216,000 to that slut.

“Pulling Out” does not work.”

and you thought sperm was CHEAP! hahahaha

but the sperm only gets is value FROM the value of the egg.

still thats 216 GRAND out of YOUR pocket. that is the value of human life hahaha.

another guy ” The worst thing of all is not the getting repeatedly tested because you’re paranoid and have reason to be, or the suspicion the strange guy in your hallway at night is a silently enraged cuckold hunting his woman’s lover, or the fear a woman you can’t possibly be with is gestating your child… those drove me insane… the worst part is breaking with them. One breakup is devastating for any normal person, even if he hates the bitch. I didn’t know how to live anymore, didn’t eat, got down to a weight I hadn’t been at in my adult life, developed a hundred yard stare and I could never focus at work. ” [me: shit, sounds like HE got dumped by someone he luved, but rather he was guilty about merely dumping a b he did not luv!]

he then recommends traditional longterm monog rels.

the OP is possibly a troll but i gave him the benefit of the doubt because i could totally relate with his question.

redacted thread: how many young women are ACTUALLY unmarriageable/ruined? how many good women are still out there?

best forum either. young college man has some of the same concerns i have, that white women are disgusting slut mudsharks and that easily 50% of youngish women have Coal Burned, and only 1/100 is marriageable.

others try to give him a more positive outlook that its not THAT bad, and that he is just poisoned by the ((((media)))) which rubs its greedy hands when white boys think such things. a mgtow in training. divide and conquer men and women.

the enemy WANTS to demoralize us and discourage us and make us feeeeel defeated. defeatism. so we become mgtow omega neet failures who cant even make babies with sluts.

DO WOMEN HAVE ANY AGENCY WHATSOEVER

0106

Your BMI is: 26.0
Target weight range: 118.1 lbs – 159.6 lbs
YOU   26.0
Under Healthy Over Obese
B.M.I.
Body Mass Index less – 18.5      18.5 – 25.0      25.0 – 30.0       30.0 – more

Weight RangeRightarrow
118.1 lbs      159.6 lbs         191.6 lbs

make sense of that or youre fired. make sense of many weird looking things like that without help, training, or assitance, or youre fired.  hhaahahaha. also explain the shit to laymen. like yourself. but its your job to be in the know.

come on. people not as sharp (smart) as me get jobs, i was smarter than 68% of people at my last job, which required you to be PRETTY SMART just to SURVIVE in the wilderness, the baptism by fire. but more imporatnt than being smart is being COOL UNDER PRESSURE and CHILL and “go with the flow”…….which i am defnitely NOT, to my own peril and failure an despaire and misery hahahaha.

ok gotta go fatclub now

http://intervention-directory.com/

intervention is the best and only show of its kind but it still has glaring flaws imho, namely not long enough episodes, not enough attention to rehab and recovery and follow up. although they do keep track of the people and have like a 70% recovery rate which is pretty good. but some of us really want to know what happened to these interesting memorable people. this website is a “fan made” thing which appears to aim to catalog that information. sometimes the people who were in the episode leave comments or people who know them post updates.

that feel when you had a lot of potential but wasted it and you would fail the psych test to get into certain jobs like military, police, maybe fire, maybe nursing

yeah i also feel like ill never find a better woman. i mean she was young, nice, attractive, not a slut, no kids, no tattoos, chilled out, low number of men, no drug addiction, no raep or being abused. when i am ever gonna meet a woman this high quality ever again? her composite/overall score is super high hahaha. lots of good qualities. at first i thought she had too many family issues, but altogether, she really didnt.

oh well. i cant convince her to “take me back.”

because theres nothing to go back to. we NEVER HAD a rel in that way. we NEVER HAD that kind of rel, where she was heavily invested in me as a luver. nope. we were JUST FRIENDS. and i dont want to go back to JUST FRIENDS.  just wanted to be treated like a human being by someone i had serious feelings for.

but yeah it seems most women are MUCH more damaged than her: bastard kids, lots of partners, certifiably insane with cutting and eating disorders; raepd or molested by someone; abusive family. or maybe ive just been watching and reading INTERVENTION too much! not all people are like that!

nto that that makes them bad people, it just makes them undateable to me. but then again I am pretty undateable hahahaha.

yeah i gotta stop reading all these interventions. tragic terrible lives. doesnt make them bad people tho hahaha but i was watching and theres like a 25 year old heroin or meth addict with bastard babies and batshit crazy but she still may be somewhat attractive and then i think YEP she would be out of my league because shes ATTRACTIVE hahaahah.

but yeah i hate how muh confidence is at an all time low. just an absolute all time low. i was not a huge winner but i was the biggest winner id ever been in 10 years: FT job, making over 12 DAH, working with other men my age and older. this was a grown mans job.

i was close with a woman who met all muh high standards and we had a good decent rel….until i fell in luv with her.

i was doing a ridiculous and challenging job that pushed me to my limits every day, and very often rising to the challenge.

and now thats all gone. ALL of it. heh. i may never make 15 DAH ever again hahaha. it aint easy. you gotta work HARD for that money, and when i say work hard, i mean, its like somebody throwing something at you all day saying “THINK FAST!!!!” and then they throw you a snake, chainsaw, flaming torches, a 10000 pound weight, a bomb, an aborted fetus, a 10000000 dollar vase, a machete, a bottle of acid or the type of thing that will explode when you drop it. THINK FAST! CATCH THIS!!!!

all the while trying to communicate to the person that ITS OK, I KNOW WHAT IM DOING, when you are thinking GOOD LORD I HAVE NO IDEA WHAT IM DOING! I CANT DO THIS! HOW AM I GONNA DO THIS? I HAVENT BEEN TRAINED FOR THIS! WHY WAS OUR TRAINING SO WOEFULLY INADEQUATE! PLEASE TRAIN US MORE!!!!!

yeah thats what i hated the most, was the unexpected nature, and the constant fooking confusing of I DONT UNDERSTAND WHAT IS GOING ON OR WHAT TO DO HERE and then having to fake your way through this all the time.

BUT I DID IT!

old unsafe link to fatherland podcast, see sidebar for proper link. this is when i first discovered the fatherland 6 months ago. still listen to it very regularly.

0107

oh this is great. found this on TRS forum, hopefully they get promoted to front page of TRS. podcast on being an “alt right” father from alt right men who are actually married and have kids. and arent hateful neet virgins. they can probably advise on selecting a good wife too.

anyway the point i wanted to beat to death now was that we ACTUALLY GOT ALONG WITH EACH OTHER, and it hurts to lose that. it wasnt a going through the motions charade, like when your whole rel lasts 2 months. you can be nice to each other and have secs, but you cant really get along with eachother because you dont really KNOW a pesron in 2 months.

i KNEW her and GOT ALONG with her and there wasnt the stupidity and stress of secs to rush our rel through a Short Charade of a Rel, beginning middle end within 2 – 3 months. i hate that shit.

i should be watching more of sam hyde, of course hes on my radar.

i feel like i am defending myself before a court of women who would say well she did this FOR A REASON, you cant blame it all on HER, you were pushing her and she felt betrayed, so, it makes sense she would do this.

well first of all no women are really sitting in judgment of me on this, that court of women is all in my mind.

second, i didnt have expectations of her returning my luv. i predicted she wouldnt. i DID have an expectation that we could discuss this issue like adults who had a history of friendship and really knowing each other and getting along with eac other. so then we sit down, discuss it, and agree that she cannot do this, but end the rel with “no hard feelings.” or at least not a MAXIMUM of hard feelings.

she KNEW i was upset, i could have gone and Kd myself gods sakes. not that i ever SAID anythign like that. but she knew i was upset and didnt do anything to try to decrease that.

i dunno. i just dont want future women i deal with to DEFEND her, and act like I didnt try to empathize with her.

talk abotu getting ahead of yourself!

i would say, we had a good rel, we really got along well, then I developed feelings, and tried to talk about it with her, but unfortuantely she didnt want to talk and then just cut off the rel right then and there, and i was very hurt. period. the end.

also the idea of when you can feel the balance of power shifting. usually this comes with one person investing more, being more committed, having feelings the other person doesnt have, needing/loving the other person more. then the lose power, the other person has more power, and then they dont like that, and they leave you. hehehehe.

well if they are a woman. it seems men have less problem staying in a rel where the woman loves them more; the man will just keep them around rather than dump them.

837 calories for breakfast hahahaha. then a 705 calorie burning session at fatclub. the good news is i have no anxiety about going there.

the eternal question: should you have kids with a nonwhite nonslut who does share your values, vs a white slut who does not? for a man who is fairly race conscious and doesnt really WANT mixed kids, but white kids!

the obvious answer is none of the above. im not sure my white buddies are saying MAN UP AND WIFE THOSE HUWHYTE SLUTS!!!! they would say, none of the above, keep going till you find a white woman WORTH wifing up.

chip and joanna gaines. so i watch hgtv, so sue me. he’s white, SHE is obviously mixed but still bretty attractive. i would not turn dat ass down if she were giving it to me. but would i have little quadroon kids with her like he has?

One of her staff got back to me with “Joanna is 1/2 Korean, 1/4 Lebanese, and 1/4 German.” says yahoo hahahaha.

so, 1/4 white hahahaha. hmmm and i thought she might be as much as 1/2 white!

well some lebanese look sort of white i guess. or maybe BOTH of her parents were each korean mixes hahahaha. i can tell you that korea sounds like a horrible culture which warps the minds of its people who probably bring some of that mentality when they come to the US hahaha.

http://www.drlaura.com/

dr laura might be a good source of traditional, nondegenerate life advice.

http://www.drlaura.com/b/Am-I-Anti-Female/475.html

” Now, women have largely become “pigs.” Instead of embracing modesty, pride, values, and self-value, they parade around showing their bodies like Playboy bunnies, have sex before “hello,” shack up with men without marital commitment, make babies on their own (declaring that men/fathers aren’t necessary), use abortion as birth control, and don’t imagine feminine sweetness has any place in marriage and are bored with sex with their husbands but turn on to every other Tom, Dick, and Harry. That is why men have little respect for women these days.   ” NOICE

i was out “socializing” last night and some young woman made a remark like how come guys can be a manwhore and they think thats cool, but a woman gets with a lot of guys and shes a slut. it was a silver platter delivery for my moment to mansplain on my favorite topic. but the girl was kinda annoying and not super attractive, but young and white. i didnt get the vibe that she was actually a huge whore but who knows.

http://www.drlaura.com/b/Sex-as-a-Commodity/818.html

old forum post

heh that stefan molyneux culture of critique pic i was lookin for

watching a washington POST livestream of big trump rally in bernie sanders ville and see a guy saying the 14 words in teh chatbox lol. washington post. just a standard trump rally. seeing race realists representing. NOICE.

Men could impregnate 400+ women in the time it takes one woman to have one baby. and that is assuming only 2 women per day. anyway point is, thats why its so EGREGIOUS when a woman has casual sex

0108

i dunno. have always been insecure in muh masculinity, never felt like a real man, which has impacted everything. jobs and women and life.

questioning how much agency and responsibility and accountability women really have. basically this means it is all my fault for getting dumped, because i did not LEAD the woman they way i was SUPPOSED to. standing up to shit tests, putting the woman in her place, saying this is the way its gonna be, putting my foot down, leading, being a REAL MAN, not an indecisive pussy. i needed to be an anchor and use a STRONG HAND to guide her. so i lost her because i was weak and unmanly. and i cant blame her for not showing agency, because it was MY job to show agency. as the woman, she can only show agency if I show agency……and i did not.

well, i showed a LITTLE bit eventually. but it was too little too late.

google hugless virgin hahahaha

oh wow shit is getting real with these cologne rapefugee attacks.  apparently twitter is doing some admin backend shit to minimise the #rapefugee hashtag because its racist and yurop needs to welcome more #rapefugees in order to stop this rape crisis hehehehe.

things are getting pretty exciting politically/socially/culturally, the new current year is obviously the year of the “alt right”. this stuff is bigger than i have ever seen it and i have been following it for at least 5 or 6 years hahahaha.

anyway YEAH i should have been more manly and used my Patriarch Hand….but i still think she could have been a LITTLE better. it doesnt take THAT much agency to write an email. well i wrote LONG emails and LONG emails are WEIRRRRRDDDDD.

and i cant even write her off as a cheap loose fat slut with mud kids and bad tattoos and etc…..cuz shes not. she just doesnt know how to deal with men cuz she has no real father.

#rapefugees hahahahaha and white leftist feminists can look the other way when white women get raped, see the brown muslim rapeugees are just punching UP so its ok.

anyway it seems more and more than mgtow and mra stuff is just the flipside of feminists, and its so stupid to be divide and conquer against women.

think of it this way: it makes much more sense to be anti other races, than to be anti WOMEN. women are not your enemy, the people trying to destroy your race are the enemy. this is why i moved to racialism from “meninism.”  becuase i still want to luv women. so the beauty of the white wimmin does not perish from the earth hahaha.

but yeah i wish i had more than 1 female friend. i mean females are different but i dont know how different they are. i mean just the fact that i could get along with a woman so well. i didnt do anything special or play any kind of game. it just HAPPENED very very naturally. no roosh pick up stuff, no negs, no DHVs or PUA stuff. just normal non autistic becoming friends and getting to know u.

and i just dont like the SUPER DUPER patriachal thing where you absolve women of all their sins because they dont know what theyre doing, they dont have angecy, they are like puppies or infants.

yeah they are more emotional and many of them are STUNTED mentally at age 16 forever…..but i didnt think she was hahahahahaa. i did hold her to a higher standard cuz i honestly thought she was better than that.

ok fatclub time.