EVERYTHINGS DEGENERATE

jan 21

so yeah ive definitely made good progress in getting over That Woman relative to the posts that are publishing now, which i wrote in like june 2016 hehehe. i was still pretty butthurt one year out. one and a HALF years out, doing a lot better.

which is not surpirsing. ive always said, these type of things take MORE THAN A YEAR to get over. youre looking at 1.5 to two years MINIMUM. so adjust your damn expectations. move the goalposts hahahahahaha.

ITS BETTER TO TRY TO BE FUNNY AND FAIL HORRIBLY THAN TO NOT HAVE A SENSE OF HUMOR AT ALL.

in other words, its better to WANT to have a sense of humor, than to not have a sense of humor at all.

i totally appreciate the value of a sense of humor. even though i am not very funny, i am still miles ahead of those humorless assholes. j marxist antiwhites hahahaha.

https://twitter.com/AJoycePhD

andrew joyce, never heard of this guy until a few months ago when spencer mentioned him, i mean i haven’t really followed spencer til recently either. anyway the more phds we can get on our side, the better.

https://www.washingtonpost.com/local/social-issues/shes-54-white-rural-and-a-lifelong-republican-why-is-she-protesting-donald-trump/2017/01/21/6457ac02-df41-11e6-918c-99ede3c8cafa_story.html?tid=sm_tw&utm_term=.05c301a8ccca

oh gawd

this woman SHOULD vote for trump because shes white, rural, working class, but she converted from right to left nao because her working class conservative white family fell apart due to drugs and alcohol and white people might seem nice sometimes but deep down they’re scary abusive monsters, and just like your abusive white husband beat you, this is how whites feel about nonwhites and women, which you are, so join the womens march hahahaha.

those mean vile small minded people. like her white male customers who say degrading things about women and have confederate flags. oh god this article is so poorly written and patronizing but i dont think it wants to be patronizing, its just like a 20 year old gurl wrote it, rambles on for pages introducing the story, its shitty writing.

ok its a cucky white male phaggot mccoy who writes on Social Justice ISsues for WaPo. barffffffffff

white boys should NEVER grow up to do this for a career. thing is he’s in the top 10% of success for journalists. good paying full time job at one of the biggest papers. most shitlib journalists do this shit for free while they work at starbucks hahahaha.

anyway i can probably get over my disappointment with the enoch thing, i wont say bad shit about him, he’s done a lot of good, and he will probably continue to do more good.

well did my saturday weigh in and was at the lowest weight ever. much closer to muh goal than i thought i was.

‏@BillKristol tweetz
I’ll be unembarrassedly old-fashioned here: It is profoundly depressing and vulgar to hear an American president proclaim “America First.”

this isnt even a joke. jooish neocohen writes jooiest nocohenest cuckiest tweet ever. whats depressing and vulgar about it schlomo?

http://www.latimes.com/politics/la-na-pol-trump-america-first-20170120-story.html

oh sorry i didnt realize it was a reference to an antisemitic organization in the 30s heheheheheheh. well even better then. charles lindbergh is MAH N199A. GREAT goy there. actually im embarrassed i never heard of this.

so i’m sure trvmp wasnt referring to THAT. unless he was DOGWHISTLING again. i hope he was!!!!!!!!!!!!! but yeah i really should have heard of this org, i thought i was better at history and pro-hwyte history than that hahahaha. but i am super lazy.

sorry i wasnt educated enough to view it as a DEPLORABLE RACIST DOGWHISTLE. well now i like it EVEN MORE.

i could message THAT WOMAN and be like get me some MJ. that is all. i will have nothing to do with you. i’m just using you as a drvg dealer hahahaha. i dont give a shit how you and your family are doing. bring me the MJ, get fooked hard by me, then leave. I dont even remember your name.

i mean the plain fact was i DO/did care about how her and her family are doing! i DIDNT view her as a piece of meat.

but yeah i do want some MJ. yes i KNOW its degen. which is why if i had an influential podcast, i’d keep it in the closet.

but i flaunt it HERE? i mean i have two conflicting identities: the neet and the VVN. which one does MJ go more with?

so i cant have my cake and eat it too. I can’t denounce neetism, and encourage us to become hwyte hwarriors, and also proclaim that MJ is OK.  I Understand This Totally.

but its a way better vice than Pornography hahahahaha. or video games. or being a fat slob. or technically alcohol. although alcohol is the hwyter vice. but im a special snowflake because i already HAD an alcohol problem and vowed to never drink again until I am making 30k a year and have a nice whyte GF, prob never happen hahahaha.

https://thehappening.info/e01b49ba21336cb8269096683ca738f09d6e1c61

i know i dont like women but i do kinda like emily youkkkkkkkkkis, i hadnt listened to her moonman rap till today. she uses eminem “my name is” which is an ok song regardless for degen google noise hahaha. i almost forgot about moonman. i think he fits very well with where emily is now going. also she makes moonman more than just h8ing n3gr0s, she brings in tons of very welcome anti-J-ism and such hhehehe.

https://thehappening.info/cdb52fc651dea4fb653cc416e56ccc45e2c6a7d2

some funny stuff on this site, it seems generally alt rightish hehehehe.

emily gives a very uplifting story here

this sounds like a great new show. made by azzmador and ken, both of whom already have great creeeeedentials, great to get them together, and guess who they have on for their second episode. download this one goys.

ken used to do intersectional alt right which used to be on trs but i dont think it is anymore. either he pulled it or they shitcanned him because he wasn’t cupping mikes balls unquestioningly hahahahaha. he is a regular guest on fatherland which is where i first heard him. very good charismatic communicator.

anglin comes right out and gives his take on the enoch situation, and i didn’t expect to agree with him so much, and i was pleasantly surpirsed that he didnt treat enoch with kid gloves. i dont hate enoch, but just understand we are disappointed and let us be disappointed. other trs “leaders” should be a little disappointed to. i dont want to throw mike in the oven, i am very willing to listen to him in the future, but just let us be disappointed, and you should be a little more disappointed too. not pretend like nothing happened.

but all three of these guys are amazing. i first heard azzmador sometime in 2016, not sure where. either a talk he did with anglin or grandpa lampshade. (GL is also good.)

azzmador i think is Doxxed, he’ll tell you his real name. i forgot what it was. also great to hear him actually confronting antifa and calling them phaggots to their faces. he has real balls hahahaha. i respect that.

i thought ken might be a SCHOOLTEACHER which if he is, that’s awesome. we need more of ours in education. like i said in the last post.

but yeah anglin or ANY of these guys will probably not be welcomed back with open arms at TRS like the used to be. and they’re not even saying anything hostile. they are simply, like me, legit disappointed, and i worry that that will be enough for TRS to ban them. hasnt happened yet tho, i’m just speculating.

http://pastebin.com/87b2zTmP

heres a text of that great speech by the british guy at the beginning. i think this is national action. who themselves have their own controversy of are they legit or are they shills. i can say that speech is very hair raising and awesome though.

http://bbs.dailystormer.com/t/emily-youcis-is-not-our-ally/79059/

oh jeez. i shouldnt have even. this is now turning into a hot topic on muh new fav forum.

ok thanks azzmador hahaha. great speech here.

HOLY SHIT that is the best thing i have heard in a while. that is going on the mixtape hahaha. share that with your friends and fam. i dont care if NA is jooish shills hahahaha but that is some great content. it almost brought a TEAR to my eye. just listen to this one seriously.

hmm that divisive emily youcis thread was REMOVED. whos CENSORING us hahahaha. although I prob disagree from the average DS person in that i am pretty willing to give emily the benefit of the doubt.

i guess national action was designated by the UK as a “TERRORIST ORGANIZATION” and the govt shut them down basically.

i vaguely remember hearing about that but it didnt really register. why didnt MW do a video on it? maybe he did hahahaha i havent watched every single MW video.  i was busy job searching and moping and bitching and whining hahahaha. so i miss some alt right news sometimes.

i get butthurt and sad when i think i never had the chance to talk about TRVMP with that woman. i will never know what she thought about TRVMP. i will never be able to use trvmp to open a deeper discussion with her about things like the alt right and the JQ and race and redpilling.

it would have been a great opportunity to see if we were really actually compatible or not. if she had shown herself as a vocal nevertrvmp, that might make things easier for me now. because then i wouldnt have this PEDESTALIZED FANTASY that I could have redpilled her into my redpilled waifu. i mean shit she could have become a vocal anti trump, and be all into the stupid jooish womens march that is going on now. I’LL NEVER KNOW.

the only thing i have to go on, and build my stupid fantasy on, is that she seemed somewhat open to redpilling. somewhat anti establishment. pro working class. not into white guilt. possibly open to the realities of black savagery. and i never got to spend quality time with her to discuss these topics in depth. really probe at her, and gently push her in the right direction hahaha. she liked stupid alex jones type conspiracies, which is really the best you can ask of a woman, because if they are already GTKRWN1433 before you meet them, they’re probably super fookin crazy like sinead hahahaha.  so being a basic bitch alex jones conspiritard is actually the IDEAL woman. and SHE WAS IT wawawawawawawawa. you could be like ok im glad youre open to non mainstream ideas. now let me teach you something a little less retarded than alex jones. you’ll like the education, believe me.

because i am a firm believer in educating your woman. just aim for a NICE woman and YOU can and should do the redpilling. and she was the perfect woman for that wawawawawawawa.

maybe she found a better stronger nobler man who eventually redpilled her into 1433 and made her his hwyte hwyfu wawawawawawa.

see i can always spin it in a way to maximize muh sad feels.

or maybe she became a n3gr0 fooking anti trvmp moron. see, either option is sad for me! there’s no possible option where i can be happy! because i dont have HER!

so best to try to forget about her and move on. which i am truly doing. it takes at LEAST a year and a half though. 18 full fookin months. and not a day less.

shit yeah thats a long time. thats just what i need.

its hard for me to understand people who need less time, often MUCH less time. i cant help judging them as “sociopaths” who “treat people as disposable garbage.” but maybe they’re not. maybe they just don’t need 18 months to get over a person.

fine. well then i am not compatible with their sociopathic disposable values then hahahahaha. i want a woman who needs 18 months to get over a man!!!!!!

this is what a white man apologizing and being genuinely remorseful looks and sounds like, and you dont need special empath skills to see it. and i got none of that from mike.

NOW, fascist lemming is going on record as fully denouncing enoch here, saying that he believes enoch is a J. I don’t really agree with that at the moment, but i respect the sincerity and good faith and general hwyteness i’m seeing here, and i wish mike had shown 1% of that when he was talking about his shit, and he didnt. that is to say, mike’s behavior IS a little jooey, and FL’s is 100% hwyte, and you know which type of behavior I prefer.

now i can’t say i have such a damn strong opinion on “joos did 911” , where FL says he cant take anyone seriously who DOESNT believe that joos did 911. ok. well i mean its possible. i haven’t studied that theory enough. believe me i dont doubt that the joos COULD have done 911! i just dont find it hard to believe that terrorist muslims did 911 either!

maybe mike acts so j00ey because he grew up on the east coast SURROUNDED by them .

jan 22

brand new mw video with a longass story by the man himself.  noice.

and he just spoke honestly from the get go. I wanted mike to do something like this. you dont even need to be “interrogated”. just talk honestly and directly to your audience.

and yeah i DO give mike a break for having sacrificed a lot and losing a lot. but that just seems like even more reason to be undoubtably honest.

http://www.metalireland.com/community/viewtopic.php?f=1&t=33432

ok it was the FORMER  BASS player of WINTEFYLLETH who made “controversial racist” remarks by coming out and saying he supported the 14 words. then wintefylleth cucked and kicked him out of the band. FOR SHAME!

and guess what, they STILL got called racists and evil nationalists because they are somewhat right wing and happy about being “HERITAGE” metal.

Lesson: DONT CUCK. almost makes me not want to listen to winterfylleth. hehehe.

ok im listening to them anyway, even though daily stormer would DISAVOW them or cucking hehehe.

but their music pairs really well with the wodensthrone style I’ve been craving.

heh i feel like varg vikernes. thinking that all these metal bands are stupid and degen. because they ARE!

and its pathetic and fedoraish that they are so butthurt and against christians, but they are almost equally butthurt against nationalism and ESPECIALLY racial pride. So that any metal band that shows interest in “heritage” gets accused of being a vile racist and nationalist, and then even MORE disappointing, the band then cucks in response, saying, no, i’m just celebrating muh english heritage, but i’m not nationalistic and certainly not RACIST.

what kind of fooked up jooed up society is it where BRITONS cannot be even the least bit critical of tens of thousands of muslims flooding their country? Pretty sure the main man of winterfylleth was slammed by the weak, disgusting, jooish Metal Press when he made an anti-muslim remark. Then he responded by talking about cultural marxism, political correctness, and how they were bad, which was good, and made a convoluted, incomprehensible statement about the (((((italian))))) gramsci and how he described the kind of cultural marxism happening. I can’t remember if gramsci was a technical J, but he was close enough. I do know he was a far leftist marxist. close enough!

they’re gonna accuse you of being a racist anyway chris naughton! might as well go all in and say i am proud of being a Hwyte European Englishman, like your banished bandmate did.

but i am a sucker for atmospheric, epic, heritage-celebrating, melodic black metal with blast beats, so now I’M cucking by listening to them hahahaha.

so if i accept them, and i think me accusing myself of cucking is just stupid purity spiralling, and yes i should be able to listen to them…..is that the same as me “CUCKING” for mike enoch? the mans sacrificed his LIFE for THE CAUSE!!!!!!!

if he did a vidya like MW did today, i would be perfectly happy. not saying MW did anything wrong though. just talking about the sincerity and honesty and straightforwardness he showed. or FL last night. it’s not hard to do, and it’s not hard for the audience to SEE. you can easily see it in their face and hear it in their voice. it’s not brain surgery. mike could have faced the camera and given an honest, impromptu talk and that would have been good enough.

it sucks that he lost everything, it’s almost harder to appreciate that because that loss is paired with the idea of him doing something questionable, which was not the case with MW. MW didnt have a joo wife hahahaha. he just got harshy doxed.

it’s not a problem that cant be overcome, but it IS a PROBLEM, and we just wanted you to directly treat it as one, and ADMIT it, mike. hehehehe.

yes, i am more prone to HERO WORSHIP and getting attached to PEOPLE than you SHOULD be. i dont really care, but it is kinda immature and it does mean i open myself up to more disappointment. and probably make me softer.

i mean i dont want to be such a Purity Spiraler that EVERYTHINGS degenerate and EVERYONES degenerate and I can’t enjoy ANYTHING because its too COMPROMISED. Can’t enjoy decent black metal because they aren’t nationalist enough. can’t enjoy music made by blacks. cant enjoy muh pad thai hahahahahahaha. yeah well no ones saying you cant enjoy pad thai and curry and general chows chikun hahahahaha.

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13 DOLLARS AN HOUR

aug 31

sheeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeit.

http://pastebin.com/xUh6Djef

put this in sidebar, i want to caputre the worst article ever AND a few hundred comments

nymag open marriage cuckoldry article by sonmore

INFAMOUS

http://pastebin.com/67FxT9wi

here is the sequel / follow up with the man and his “wife.”

the first article is timeless, classic, godawful, and i will put it in the sidebar As A Ghastly Monument (Ruins of Beverast reference/credit.)

i might be moving Towards A New Cover Letter Hermeneutic where the new Way is really to hit them HARD with a Fully Tailored, Individualized First Paragraph that cups their balls and sucks their dick and appeals to their mission and demonstrates my passion for their company and how i can add value and increase profitability by specifically matching the requirements of the specific job, in the culture of this specific company, addressing these particular pain points, and why i am THE SINGLE BEST CANDIDATE out of millions, and this, and no others, IS my Dream Career.

in other words, REALLY step up my Tailoring of the CL. I tailor the CL a TINY bit, changing a few words or sentences each time. so, do more than that.

also, attempt to aim for the Average Salary of my state, and NOT the whole US, which is 28k, and my state is a LITTLE below that.

yeah 12 to 16 is a ridiculous range to give. i should just say 12 to 14.

or 12 to 13 hahahaha.

people who have college careers and make 40k + cringe at talk like this. they never mention numbers. i mention numbers ALL DAY.

yeah i guess i used to think it was VULGAR too. but now I just think its Keeping It Really Real. How Much Does The Market Say You Are Worth?

no its not the sum total of Who You Are…..but it DOES tell me a LOT about what Your Employer thinks you are Worth, and What Kind of Life you live, and probably the type of people you associate with.

(People tend to associate with people who make about the same amount of MONEY as they do. So I feel a little weird when people who make WAY MORE MONEY than I do, huge winners, invite me to hang out with them. Of course I accept the invitation graciously.)

so yeah fook this 15 dollars an hour bullshit. i am willing to pay my dues and make 13 dollars an hour like the people in muh subaverage state. those fancy phaggots in joo york and phag phagcisco can take their 15 dollars an hour and pozz each others assholes with it. besides in those cities it costs 600000k per month to live in a one room shack tiny house, and it costs 90000000$ for a package of ramen. no thanks.

if a man is complaining about COMMUNICATION all the time, and his wife/gf is never WILLING to COMMUNICATE, and she’s always SHUTTING ME OUT, and so DISTANT, and putting up a WALL, she has to be willing to COMMUNICATE, well then thats him signalling that HE has HUGE communication issues, he’s projecting, HE’S really the one who doesnt know how to COMMUNICATE hahahaha.

i was watching married at first sight and derek was complaining about his distant, unwilling, stubborn, bitchy horrible (but very bangable) wife, who simpyl would not give him a chance. he is kinda a douchebag but he had some GREAT points about communication, where I nodded my head vigorously and said YES. YASSSS. THIS. SO MUCH THIS.

and hes also right that she is no spring chicken at 33, but my god she has a very fookable ass hahahahahahaha. she has to be in the top 10% of attractiveness for 33 year old women. I would DESTROY her.

and this derek is a pretty masculine man too, i’m sure he would destroy her too, but thats how stubborn she is. she probably would have gladly let him destroy her 5 years ago. now im not sure what she wants. probably a total beta bucks sort of guy. she probably WANTS the total doormat that says anything you want hunny. but i have to wonder, who does she want For SECS, at this moment? she’s always gonna want the masculine guy for secs. so why not have secs with her masculine husbando derek?

unless she’s such a sleazebag that she needs TWO or more men. alpha fooks, beta bucks, and never the twain shall meet. i guess she’s never experienced a best of both worlds alpha who is masculine AND makes a ton of money. but  she’s hawt enough to pull such a man (albeit not necessary without sharing him), and doesnt she meet plenty of powerful men as a Stewardess? like the powerful alpha men in First Class and such?

so yeah i am most fascinated in this couple. then sonia and nick a distant second, and i dont really care about the third couple hahahaha.

basically a 33 year old woman with no children is guaranteed to be SUPER CRAZY. her body is telling her to have a baby RIGHT NOW BEFORE ITS TOO LATE and you have to keep that in mind. i guess its ok if you want to have a baby right now too. but its gonna be real hard to have MULTIPLE babies with this woman. she shoulda started having babies AT LEAST TEN YEARS AGO.

fulton sheen on difference between BAD, and EVIL.

 

hilarious first hour with moishe, not sure if florian mentions the sheen story in this one though

start at 1:47:00. this is exactly where florian makes the point about fulton sheen. this is probably the single best episode of nationalist review EVAR: a full hour of moishe being absolutely ridiculous, natt being natt, a bit by “degenerate dan”, a full discussion and reading of that horrendous nymag cuckold article, AND florian uses that to introduced sheen’s point:

that a bad man simply does bad things, sins, like lie, cheat, steal, hurt, kill.

but a truly EVIL man actively and intentionally works to undermine truth, beauty, and goodness ITSELF. true evil seeks to portray vice as virtue. like the cuckold husband who does disgusting mental gymnastics to portray his cuckoldry as True Luv for his wife. true evil just makes a disgusting mockery of truth, beauty, and goodness.

i didn’t actually hear sheen’s actual story, just florian describing it. but i’ve seen plenty of sheen, and he is pretty badass, and the more i hear of florian, the more i like/luv him. he is possibly the new fulton sheen for 2016 alt right. and he is a very young man, like 23 years old. AND he is in seminary to become a catholic priest. AND he is alt right and joo wise and insanely, autistically smart. AND he has created a better joo character than morrakiu, with moishe the mossad handler.

ok florian is definitely in contention to be man of the year 2016 hahahahaha. i sort of wish he wasn’t becoming a priest so he could have white children. but I like the idea of a 1488 catholic priest too.

shit i would say become a priest and have children ANYWAY. let them kick you out.

actually i think you can become a priest AFTER you have children.

florian should def have children. but I very much appreciate him being a MAN OF GOD.

his regular voice is a little autistic, but he is SUCH a great awesome guy it doesnt even matter. this guy is SO good.

https://en.wikiquote.org/wiki/Fulton_J._Sheen

so yeah. listen to that whole episode. if its not SHUT DOWN by the time this post posts. im downloading that shit again.

the best thing ive heard lately that isnt the fatherland hahahaha. well it does have ryan from the fatherland and i luv him too. great, great men. I would LUV to go to a trs convention and meet these guys.

https://radio.therightstuff.biz/2016/08/31/the-daily-shoah-100-ep-88-part-13-of-14-a-hundred-a-hundred-twenty-episodes/

millennial woes on the new daily shoah!!! (100th episode!) NOICE!! I hope he uses some N words and K words and F words and such and isnt such a nice guy hahaha. i dont think hes even been on the shoah before. ITS ABOUT TIME.

sept 1

had weird dream that i was a Rookie Police Officer just starting out, getting On The Job Training from the guys, and I was very quickly On The Verge Of A Nervous Breakdown, and was very anxious like, whoa guys, i think i’m in over my head, i don’t think im TOUGH ENOUGH to handle this, maybe i’m not cut out for this job, maybe I should quit, I mean really, I dont have it in me! you need a tougher guy!

and the guys were all tough but also generally in favor of me not quitting I think, or they would disrespect me as an inferior pvssy if i quit, and were like, yeah its tough at first, but you just gotta TOUGHEN UP, gotta TUFF GET GOING, gotta not let it bother you, power through it, etc and other platitudes.

i think for most Cops though there is better training than what i experienced in the dream. like when you pay 20 grand to go to Police Academy, that’s where they train you for like 12 weeks hehehehe on all the aspects of being a Cop.

also cops get ongoing paid training because of like lawsuits and shit. peoples lives are at stake, its one of those jobs, like doctors and nurses and shit. lives are in your hands. people could die, and that means million dollar lawsuits, thus you implement official training pogams to Cover Your Ass.

unlike some companies where you dont need to cover your ass so much, and you can Screw and Joo customers with impunity, so it DOESNT MATTER if your people are trained. and the advice from management is, do what you need to do to get them on their way and make/save time and money.

thankfully i never had to Upsell Add On Products and shit. but the employees I was Supporting sure did. and they were generally as poorly trained as we were, and there they were talking to the ACTUAL customers. pressured by THEIR managers to try to sell the customers shit they REALLY didnt need, and also not understanding the products. yet trying to sell them. to people who didnt need them. when the products themselves were overpriced shady bullshit that were thoroughly jooish to the core. buy this extra advanced warranty goy. just in case. only 50 dollars more. just in case of a worst case scenario.

also the company was in general, dying. there is talk the company will be sold. but its a publicly traded company with shareholders. can you have a reverse IPO where a once public company becomes privately held again? i guess you can do esoteric shit with stock buybacks or stock splitting or something.

i guess theoretically the stock price could go SO low, and then there are Equity Firms who might gobble up a Majority Ownership of the company.

i dont know, I don’t have an MBA, I only have like 25 credits of Business Classes, hahahahaha.

which is more than Average, 13 dollar an hour normies have!

but you can also get an ok business sense from working at a company for a few years and just talking to people.

at my company, there was tons of rumors and speculation, among the more savvy people like me, that were even interested in speculation about why was the company doing this, rather than being like idk ikr lol weed lmao.

people like me who were frustrated and wanted to understand why the company and our department was such an egregious, backwards, shameful, disorganized, mismanaged clusterfook, and how it could be improved. well, more training, more actual legit experts who knew what they were doing, more time and money, more quality people actually improving actual quality, more testing, more actual listening to customers, much better executive management who understood the importance of IT as being more than just a Cost Center, etc.

standard!

but yeah its just horribly frustrating to have an angry, stressed person pushing you to fix their problem, because youre supposed to be the expert, fixing problems is your job, and you have no idea what you’re doing, and you look like you don’t know what you’re doing, becuase you really don’t, and you can’t appeal to a Subject Matter Expert in a way that is actually useful for either you or the customer. Most customers would be jsut fine if you said, wow, this is a pretty complex problem, here’s Joe Flabeetz, he’s been here for 2 years and really knows what he’s doing, Joe is great. its much worse when you say, i dont know what to do, let me talk to Joe, and then you “talk” to Joe in a shitty chat room where he is helping 20 other lost souls like you, telling you stuff that doesnt make sense. then you go back to the customer and try to do that thing, and explain it.  NATURALLY, UNDERSTANDABLY, they wonder, can’t you just get Joe over here? he clearly knows what he’s doing, you clearly don’t, so just get him on the case.

but one does not simply just get a SME on the case. because they are just as busy as we are and are not gonna escalate a case without a fight.

you could probably turn newbies into SME’s quicker with REGULAR TRAINING. but again, thats millions of dollars for people who want to get out of here ASAP anyway. or they can just go mad and snapquit like me hahahaha.

it all makes perfect sense: DONT SPEND MONEY IF YOU DONT ABSOLUTELY HAVE TO.

the company can afford to not support their employees, shit they can afford to some extent to provide shitty, overpriced, screwjob jooish service to their customers. anything you can get away with. no exchanges, no refunds. all sales final. don’t like it, complain to the better business bureau bitches. don’t like it, do this shit yourself or go to our competitors.

see thats going too far though! why would you knowingly push your customers towards your competitors?

AND THATS WHY THE COMPANY IS FAILING. it used to be a successful, reputable company. now it is a sinking ship and more people can’t ignore that.

so yeah, i think a large part of why my experience was SO NEGATIVE was the culture of the company, being a large “big dog” old school company that was starting to fail on a massive scale. i mean they will implement retarded changes on a daily basis, yet be so Entrenched that they wont implement the actual Radical change needed. just do stupid spazzout bandaid fire putout bullshit. nothing meaningful, nothing that is good for the long term. short term only.

heh. that woman didnt care. she was just like go with the flow, dont let it bother you, dont bother me about it, i dont care, idk lol, dude weed lmao.

i mean women are not well equipped to have logical, sensible, reasonable, insightful thoughts about Business anyway……… but with all these educated women in careers, i think they can at least go through the motions of talking about business.

well, we did not have alot of those type of women in our department hahaha.

so i’m saying i prefer a more business savvy woman?

NO….i don’t even prefer a more intelligent woman. shit she was intelligent ENOUGH. i think she COULD have been taught to be more business savvy, not that she needed be…..

sheeeeeeeeeeeeeeit, really I just wanted her to talk to me more, be nicer to me, and just have a HALFWAY decent conversation about Our Jobs and Our Company!!!!!!! don’t you have an OPINION on this retardation! it affects you as much as it affects me! and she probably DID have an opinion! she just didnt want to talk to me any more. and i was very upset about that. her withdrawing from me and building a huge wall.

so yeah that was deffo the root issue hahahaha.

and I was very frustrated because I was aware of that root issue, and trying to resolve it, and getting NOWHERE, because I needed cooperation and willingness from her, and she refused to get it.

lets meet, lets sit at the table together, talk, and try to MAKE A DEAL. lets negotiate and compromise and both leave unhappy hahahahahahahahaha. and i was sitting at the table all day waiting for her to show up, and she just no called no showed the whole time.

so yeah that why i was very upset hahahaha.

dont just say dont let it bother you. get a thicker skin. believe me I would love to.

now, I had great conversations with a couple of my male friends at the job, and we all should have been promoted to level 3 and never have to take a call ever again hahahaha. make 18 bucks an hour hahaha.

i wasnt asking her to be as insightful as us, i just wanted her to give SOME effort into thinking about this. i mean it was stupid NOT to have righteous indignation over it, and to just say dont let it bother you, and smoke MJ. you can smoke MJ and still have opinions about this ridiculousness! and partially i was JEALOUS of her ability to DISCONNECT from the job like that, do it so Coolly, yet still miraculously do a “good” job and be liked by everyone. well yeah she was a likeable person hahahaha.

ishould probably give agalloch a second try. should i listen to the above album or “the mantle.” i was torn. i went to youtube and tried to compare the Productions, which one sounded better. they both sounded pretty close but maybe this one has a 5% stronger guitar sound. also, i technically tried listening to “the mantle” like 4 years ago and i was like, yeah this is ok, but i guess im not in the mood for something like this.

i guess now at least i am in the mood to give them a try again. i guess i want something thats like beautiful atmospheric black metal, but very melodic and very easy to listen to, with immediately catchy riffs and melodies and songs. but without being so NEW that it gets TOO much into “post rock” or “blackgaze”. something old enough that it was around when I was young and actually interested in music. the mantle came out in 2002, which is right in my wheelhouse yearwise, this one came out in 2006, when i had stopped caring about music, well, thats not true. i recall i was keeping up on the current work of katatonia and goatwh0re. but not being super duper into it, or into anything. lots of drinking. damn. increasing amounts of drinking. stupid. i stopped caring about new music, or music in general, some dark days.

so 2002 was really a much better year for me music wise than 2006…..but ive already heard a bit of the mantle, and if i like ashes against the grain, i’ll try the mantle. also the mantle is like 68 minutes long, which is way too long for an album. ashes is 59 minutes. still way too long, but better than 68.

and of course in 2014 and much of 2015 i was not interested in music so much either, because worrying about the job, or i was devastated by my loss and failure hehehehe. so i guess ive rebounded to a kind of peak right now of interest in music, as in trying to find NEW music, which is remarkable, cuz much of the time i like to Build A Wall and say yep ive got more than enough music thank you, dont need any new stuff. there’s nothing good left out there. its all hipster phaggot degenerate bullshit. theres plenty of stuff  from before 2000 i havent listened to yet.

and its FINE to close the ranks and circle the wagons….but i dont want to do that more than half of the time. i would always like to be SOMEWHAT open to new music.

and agalloch i think is right in line with stuff that i have enjoyed. like when i was young i enjoyed opeth a lot, i still enjoy their older stuff, and i have always enjoyed “in the woods….” a norwegian sorta black metal group from the 90s that was atmospheric and progressive and avant garde when those things werent NEARLY as cool as they are now.

heh like the other day i wanted to listen to hammerfall and i only ended up listening to the first two songs on the album. and that album was only like 40 minutes. perfect length.

went to jcpenneys. it was a mixed bag. i had high hopes.  saw some beautiful high school girls in there with their Moms for Back 2 Skool shopping. nothing wrong with a 35 year old man ogling 16 year old gurls hahahahahaha.  at that age you really want to Protect and Provide for them, and you would Happily swear an oath to their Faithful Fathers that you would not bang them until they are 18, or if the father really wanted grandchildren, then you could have him sign off for age 17, and you would promise to not frivolously divorce her hahahahahaha. and she would promise to not frivorce YOU really.

so yeah you dont look at the beautiful 16 year old gurl and say “yeah id like to pump and dump that trashwh0re, ride hard and hang them up wet” the way you would say about a 30 year old skank. you say “damn i wouldnt mind MARRYING that gurl and having her be the mother of my children. Assuming she’s not ALREADY a huge slut. Let’s have a talk with her father.”

90s and 00s metal. that was my thing. i’m not sure i even lasted 10 good years. but 1996 to 2003 for sure might have been my best years.

in terms of The West, those were not great years. especially 96 to 2001 hahahaha. the late 90s was the high of nihilism and decadence and degeneracy where shit was probably just as bad as it is NOW, except people were more despairing. shit was BAD, although things werent AS Sexualized, and attitudes about Gays were definitely a bit better. but there was nothing to hold onto. there was no alt right. there was no hope for the youth, which i was one. the music was especially shitty. it reflected the nihilism and lack of general quality perfectly. stuff like groove metal and nu metal and korn. well at least there was a ton of catchy alternative pop type stuff. i shoulda got into that more at the time.

there seemed to be much less red pilled young people then. people were not waking up fast enough.

and i do think 911 in 2001 was a bigass paradigm shift, the beginning of a new era, a time of awakening. the sleeping nihilist giant awakens and then stumbles around in confusion for about 10 more years hahahaha. trying to shake off that nihilism and sense of no purpose. trying to figure out what was going on and what to do about it.

for me at least, the internet did not become a HUGE thing until after 2000. from like 98 to 00 we used slow dialup shit and i was already a degenerate, looking at jooish filth and actually reading Erotic Stories. which I guess is slightly less jooish. playing doom and quake. writing ridic stories of me finding a Nice GF and having a traditional monog longterm rel at age 15 hahahaha. see, my main goal was not degenerate.

http://rateyourmusic.com/customchart?page=1&chart_type=top&type=album&year=1990s&genre_include=1&include_child_genres=1&genres=Metal&include_child_genres_chk=1&include=both&origin_countries=&limit=none&countries=

hahahaha i have been looking at these goddamn RYM lists for like a month straight trying to find the perfect album to listen to

like here is the best metal (incl all subgenres) for the 90s.

http://rateyourmusic.com/customchart?page=1&chart_type=top&type=album&year=1996&genre_include=1&include_child_genres=1&genres=Metal&include_child_genres_chk=1&include=both&origin_countries=&limit=none&countries=

you can also put in an exact year like 1996 hahahahahaha

also i wanted to say that listening to the daily shoah for the first time in a while (well i did listen when fatherland jim guest hosted a few weeks ago), is that i must remind myself not to forget how powerful mike enoch is. i mean he is really smart and just says the most interesting, smartest, most awesome things. i guess its easy to forget because his voice is ridiculous and he sounds like seth roganblatt. but the things he says are just amazing. here he is doing a 80 hour work week, hasn’t had time to read the news or do anything but work his tech job, and he comes onto TDS and is pretty high energy and very very solid and convincing in the things he was saying, just having very very good conversations where he is contributing most of the quality.

not to crap on seventh son or special guest millennial woes, but yeah this is enoch’s show and he is very very good at what he does. needs to trim down the number of people so he can dominate the conversation any more. him, SS, and MW would have been ideal.

heh i saw my confirmation email for applying to a part time job, and thought OH NO THATS THE FASTEST REJECTION EMAIL EVER!! and then laughed when i realized it was just the CONFIRMATION email that they had received my application. awesome job though hahahahaha. 30 hours a week, 15 dollars an hour, right when i have officially announced that 13 dollars is my new goal, that 15 is out of my league hehehehe.

ITS OFFICIAL. MY PRICE HAS OFFICIALLY GONE DOWN TO 13 DOLLARS AN HOUR. THAT IS MY WORTH AS A HUMAN BEING. hahahaha. no silly, that’s just my worth to the MARKET of human beings!!!!!

at the gas station today I saw a white man arguing pretty rudely with the poor clerk making 9 hourly. i couldnt see the clerk because they were in this little glass booth. it was one of those gas stations that doesnt even have an inside, and the cashier is in a tiny booth/shack. there was a huge line behind this white guy who….i couldnt tell what was going on. it sounded like he was getting charged 36 dollars when he disputed it and thought he should be charged 26, and he wasn’t gonna pay a penny more. he was maybe early 30s and had a stupid mohawk like haircut and tattoos all over his arms. good job. i really hope the clerk was not white, but even if they WERE nonwhite, they didn’t deserve this kinda treatment, and I was a bit ashamed that a fellow white man could be such a dickhead to a poor miserable gas station clerk. Whites are supposed to be Polite Customers. its blacks and arabs who are Asshole Customers.

I thought about going up to the clerk and apologizing hahahahaha. well, not apologizing, but sorry you had to go through that. I know you weren’t trying to do anything wrong. he was way out of line. he’s an asshole.

go get your manager. uhhhh the managers not here today. i’m not sure when he will be back. i can’t do anything for you. well then call the manager right now. i want to talk to him right now. uhhhh he doesnt give employees his phone number. well who do you call if its an emergency? meanwhile there is a huge line of people who just want to prepay for their gas. i avoided all this because i paid at the pump with a card hahahahaha.

mike enoch does not get all super intellectual either. he just gives real talk, absolutely no bullshit, no jerking off. he says like and dude a lot but unlike with most people who say these words a lot, it does not make him sound unintelligent. he is real good at talking to people and just great verbal intelligence on this goy hahahaha. this is the guy you want talking for you. real convincing salesman. but not in a bullshit dishonest way. he needs to quit his job and spend all his time talking and networking and meeting with people. he is a real good people person and communicator.

i wonder what the hell he did before TRS. I guess he had a big libertarian phase and did a lot of 4chan. dont quote me.

listened to the first 2 songs of the agalloch album, they were pretty good. decent production. a blast beat would be nice. also the black metal vocals are pretty unimpressive and really dont seem to fit. something a bit deeper, or alternately, a DSBM or old burzumy scream would be better. the corny clean vocals are better.

uhhh seems to be plenty of “melodic doom” in the vein of old katatonia going on, that i wasnt really expecting, but i guess i’m not surprised, and i am not disappointed either.

overall, very melodic, very very, not super opethy unless you think of an alternate opeth where they continued in the vein of their first two albums…….which is not a problem for me!

but now i have a damn melodic doom katatoniaish song stuck in my head and I don’t know what it is!!!!!!!!!

it has a catchy mournful weeping guitar melody.

it is pretty brave murder day ish, but i dont think its from that album.

it could be from the first october tide album, but i dont think so.

and i’m not sure what else it could be.

sept 2

you know i think it might be beneath the rain or whatever that doom band from portugal with the guy from morgion singing.  on their second main album.

before the rain?

YASSSS there is is, aroun 20:23, actually that motif is all throughout this song “shards” and it repeats a lot, but i was particularly thinking of the higher octave guitar going into the “weeping” range hahahaha.

FOUND IT!!!!

yeah the album is a little long but it has a great production and great style and is pretty underrated and i only found it because i am a big morgion fan.

fooking rate your music lists really interferon with muh job search hahahaha.

fook working for a living like an honorable white man. i am just gonna become a black ingra hahahaha.

yeah i dont want to pedestalize That Woman too much. it’s VERY GOOD to remember I have been Decent Friends with, I have been CLOSE TO OTHER WOMEN before. she doesnt STAND ALONE. I had at least two pretty good female friends where we were decent friends for like approx 2 years. talking freely, being comfortable with each other.

yeah i never fell in LUV with them but thats NOT THE POINT. well, yes and no. yeah that was the one thing that differentiated that woman.

but i never want to lose sight of the fact that i have gotten close and friendly with OTHER women. NOT JUST HER.

rejection email THREE MONTHS after applying for job. the spreadsheet did not even exist until 2 months ago.

entry level position at big well known company, great job, but 95% of its postings are for Senior Level Engineers.

ANYWAY. when you fall in LUV with a woman you FEEL closer to them. it’s a fantasy, its all in your head, but i don’t like describing it like that, thats misleading. because it’s VERY real for YOU. YOU ACTUALLY ARE very close to THEM……………………………but THEY are not nearly as close to YOU. by saying its all in your head, it mocks the realness, truth and beauty of your Luv. so, I wont do that.

like when i fell in luv with women i didnt even KNOW. OF COURSHE i FELT close to them, even though I didn’t even KNOW them!

the DIFFERENCE this time, was I fell in luv with someone I ACTUALLY KNEW!!!!!!!!!!!!!

and still, apparently, I didn’t know them well enough!

but yeah i MUST NOT think of myself as some WEIRDO CREEPER ALIEN who CANT get along with women, because I have become close friends with OTHER WOMEN THAN JUST HER.

I just never fell in LUV with any of them, so thats why That Woman was such a big deal.

went to jcpenney and found some great nike revolution 3 running shoes. but they did not have the size in the color i wanted.

so then i went to zappos and ordered the size for about the same price. i hate the idea of ordering SHOES online, but technically i HAD already tried on a pair of the same style of shoe, just a diff COLOR. and i wasnt gonna back down here.

interestingly enough, i was aiming to replace a pair of Revolution 2 which i had bought 2 years ago and are now falling apart and completely worn out. i guess i am a Nike Revolution man. so I should look for the Revolution 4 in 2 more years.

man those one year at a time charts on rym are great. i can see all the albums I was enjoying at the time, ANDDDDDDD see all the ones from that time period that I missed. there was a ton of good stuff in those years that i missed because i was a teen listening to groove metal hahahaha. no i liked half good stuff too, some black metal. i have been a black metal fan for TWENTY YEARS hahahahahahahahahaha. well, maybe 19.

just tell these antiwhite k1kes in interviews that ive been spending the last 14 months looking at black metal charts on RYM hahahahahahahahahahahahahaha but i havent been smokin any MJ ya k1kes!

not that you should be PROUD about smokin MJ. its for degenerates. its INHERENTLY DEGENERATE.

its TERRIBLE that I still want to do it. that I still want to do it WITH HER. goddam degenerate DEVILS CABBAGE.

if anyone speaks glowing of MJ, publicly humiliate them! and then go smoke it privately hahahhaha.

i really hate successful people who make like 30k a year who say i can smoke MJ and I’m a successful productive member of society! I’m happy with my life and my job and I am a successful family man! and I make 30k a year!

comment sections of news articles on legalizing mj and all these pro-legalization types saying shit like that.

well i am pro legalization too, but more of the “conservative libertarian” way, rather than Have Big Govt Regulate and Tax Tax Tax it! but let each city decriminalize it.

i mean I just imagine all the tax money being wasted anyway, like the 200 million in tax revenue colorado got from MJ. it will just be wasted on public skools in black ghettos hahahaha where the money wont do any good. or paying teacher administrator pensions hahahahahaha.

it wont go to fix shitty roads, it wont go to more police and ems in black crime ghettos, or blight cleanup, or anything useful like that. thats where your MJ tax money will go. just like alcohol and tobacco tax money.

so yeah dont tax it. save the money to build up MJ production companies hahahaha. or even small time MJ producers in the cities where it is legal.

well companies are STILL gonna drug test for jobs anyway, that practice has not changed even in colorado, in fact its probably gotten even more prevalent! cuz now theres more lazy ingrish potheads out there who would make terrible workers hahahaha.

i am being partially facetious since i always try to work my hardest even if i am using MJ afterwards.

but maybe i am just a shitty worker but i think i am a good worker.

i mean shit, i can’t handle the bare minimum at muh old job! my best was worse than their worst! hahahahaha.

NO, that’s not entirely true. for a good long while I was good and getting better. establishing a reputation for excellence. might have even been promoted in 2 more years, hahahahaha, for a company that never promotes from within!

(i of course dont want to work for a company that doesnt promote from within hahahaha)

because hiring outsiders for upper level jobs is a YUGGGGEEEEE red flag of a shitty horrible company. run dont walk.

applied for great job at Dream Employer University, but its 36k. when my skills are only worth 26k hahahaha. isnt it a waste of 25 minutes to apply for this?

i found another one that pays 15 an hour. much better. but still out of my league hahaha.

in fact the jobs that pay 13 an hour, aka 26k a year…..dont usually even list their pay. they just say nothing.

so i guess the lesson is, always apply for the jobs that dont list a number, because that number is probably low enough to be closer to your actual worth.

but still. why not just list the god damn pay for ALL jobs, from 10 dollar an hour to 40 dollars an hour jobs, so people that think the pay is too low, wont even apply.

unless they are trying to overreach and get people who would normally be “too good” to apply????

well that’s not what I do, i apply for 12 and 11 dollar an hour jobs if they seem chill/easy or I like the company.

anyway the 15 an hour job would be GREAT. like 5 miles away, full time office job, for satellite campus of bigass university that probably takes average care of its employees with 401k, health care, and at least 13 an hour wage hahahaha. 9 to 5 hours, weekends off, the works. real solid family man stuff. no joke.

 

SERIOUS ISSUES DESERVE SERIOUS REFLECTION

may 13

yeah buddy. had nyquil last night, went to bed at 9 pm hahaha.

ultimately i think MJ is MUCCHHHHH better than nyquil for sleeping. the tolerance with nyquil starts IMMEDIATELY and so does the dependence, meaning, the first night without nyquil….you can’t sleep and want to tak nyquil. but if you did, you’d have to take a lot more than you did last night. its so much easier and simpler to just sm0ke MJ hahaha.

maybe theres really more transgenders than we know. maybe 50% of people are trans but they are just too scared to Come Out. well I can tell you I am not transgender hahaha. I dont really care about being super masculine, and that has indeed hurt me significantly as a man…..but I still dont want to be a woman at ALL.

also I’m not supper F4GGY. really I just seem like a sensitive, Nice, shy Straight Man, nothing more, nothing less. not flamingly feminine. i appreciate masculinity and being a man. i appreciate guns and weight lifting and testosterone and toughness and stoicism and logic and honor. these are serious man things. nontoxic masculinity hahaha.

applied for typist clerk 3 for county dept. the county always has perfect jobs for me. entry level GED shit, full time, 25-30 grand a year.

applied for that one. applied for 9 similar jobs with the county, no response on any of them. maybe my materials are missing that special it factor. I have stopped sending them txt files and started with doc files. including linkedin profile. started including 1 letter of recommendation. what the fook do they want.

someone on a nile video remarked that karl sanders looks kinda like TRUMPENFUHRER. that was hilarious and kind of true. that makes me like both guys more hahaha.  some metal idiot responded they should replace trump with sanders. karl not bernie hahahahahaha. real clever, guy.

but i also find it nice that karl sanders is 50+ years old and he is still making raging death metal. before nile he played in a “thrash” band, and the first nile demo in 1994 was not br00tal at all. so nile became MORE br00tal and extreme than they were at the beginning. and karl is 52 years old and has those nice deep death metal vocals. and he still looks good! he does not look 52 years old.

but yeah I like how they blatantly have tons of fun at their live shows rather than trying to look all tough and grim. many years later and many of the exact same albums later hahahaha karl is grinning ear to ear and knows that he is blessed hahaha. however I do hope he is a good husband and father, which is tough when you are away from home more often than not. very tough.

and i do like how he looks like a big technically fat potato. i mean at his age he really should try to lose a little weight hahaha. but he still looks happy and healthy and he’s not grossly obese or anything. he’s just… a little fat. he certainly has the charisma and personality to pull an attractive woman however.

well its nice to have a mancrush. nice to have a womancrush too hahahaha.

for me it helps a lot in approaching niles music to imagine big jolly karl sanders playing it. without that, the music sounds kind of ridiculous just like the negative reviews so succinctly put it. riff cramming, style over substance, obnoxious, boring, hahahaha.

also the guy is white as hell. he is so white he is almost albino and his hair remains ridiculously blond in his old age.

just a great guy. well, i hope he is. i hope he’s not a degen alcoholic or something. plus constant touring is not really the greatest lifestyle. he certainly has a NEAR OCCASION to sin with sluts and drugs. hopefully he doesnt.

might try their 2015 album, hear it is a little rawer? less click clacky?  i dunno. but it would be worth listening to whilst doing my 2.5 mile jog eh?

great entry to my what to say in interview file:::

may 13 2016

When you go to mechanic, its because you don’t have the knowledge, skills, and tools to diagnose, understand, and fix the problem with your car. you trust that you are bringing your car to skilled, trained professionals who know what they are doing. Now imaging you were hired by that mechanic into their job. Now the curtain is lifted and the great and powerful oz is revealed to be no different that you. The expert is no different from the customer.

it would be difficult to get away with this in the auto repair industry, although we might see some parallels in tire shops and oil change shops and other low-level price-point service shops which don’t require ASE-certified mechanics.

we can easily imagine the customer’s perspective here, of using a mechanic who doesn’t seem to know what they were doing. You would be frustrated at the company and rightfully want to speak to a manager. You would lose faith in the company. You would wonder, rightfully, what’s the difference between this and just doing it myself? I am paying for expertise and skilled labor. If I wanted unskilled, amateur service…..I’d try to fix my car myself.

It’s harder to put yourself in the shoes of the mechanic in that situation. But when you are a new employee being thrown in to the deep end, that is what it feels like. You feel like you simply don’t have the knowledge and skills to do what your customers are asking you to do. You feel in over your head and totally unprepared and unprofessional.

In this case you need to stay calm and teach yourself as much as possible, and sacrifice your personal time to get up to speed, power through the learning curve, hit the ground running, and be able to provide real value and skill for your customers and your company.

it also helps to have experienced colleagues who can sign off on your work and advise you once in a while…..however you must not use them as a crutch, because they will not always be there for you. you have to take initiative and learn your job inside and out, so you can work independently and not have your hand held. you have to figure out solutions on your own and have an inquisitive, curious nature to find out the answers to your question. This may involve reading, research and study outside of your shift. You have to be willing to do the reps in order to gain the muscle. You have to be willing to do the HOMEWORK in order to do well on the EXAMS.

END///////

pretty sweet eh.

I was getting the oil change and thinking, why dont I just do this myself. you think some 18 year old Lube Tech making 10 DAH knows any more than I do? they probably just threw him out there on his first day and said ok start changing oil. and he had no more knowledge or experience than I have.

but then the mechanic came in and said come out here i wanna show you something, ok heres an impact bubble on this tire which is not on the other tires. he’s some corrosion on the battery terminal which you can scrub out with some coca cola. a lotta places might not tell you this stuff, but I believe that honestly isn’t just the best policy…..ITS THE ONLY POLICY. and he looked deadly serious. he is either the most evil crooked bullshitter on the face of the earth, or, he was just as serious and principled as I am. “I agree completely” I told him, and thanked him for his transparency. because i do agree. that is the same way I would try to do my job. I dont want to bullshit people, I dont want to hide shit. I want to share knowledge and make sure everyone is on the same page.

this gave me confidence and faith in that mechanic, and in the business as a whole. I wouldnt want to patronize a business that had untrained kids doing stuff. I will pay more to get competent, trained technicians.

OTHERWISE I WOULD JUST DO IT MYSELF.

This was the feeling I got every day in my job: “I have no clue, why are you asking me? oh wait. its my JOB to fix this. well I dont know any more than this caller. they MIGHT AS WELL TRY FIXING IT THEMSELVES. I don’t have any special knowledge or training that they do. they have used the program more than I do. I don’t even KNOW what theyre talking about, how am I supposed to FIX this?”

i did not like that feeling hahahahaha. at all.

these people wanted help, and i wanted to help them, and helping them was  TECHNICALLY my job, but I didnt know how to help them, and I couldnt get great help on how to help them, meaning often peopel didnt really get helped. but as long as everything was documented and metrics were met, that’s all that mattered.

my female friend didnt want to give me moral support and she was not able to give me technical support. her response was to laugh sheepishly with her cute little laugh and say idk just go with the flow dont worry so much.

so I looked elsewhere for moral support and technical support and found some very competent smart men I felt comfortable Talking Shop with. thank GOD for them! like me, they wanted to really fix problems and really know how to fix shit and help people. the buck stops here. i am the same way. i will go all out to help people and i dont like when the company stands in the way of that.  time is money goy tick tock. youve been on this call for 21 minutes, is everything all right?

and sometimes you WANT to escalate it but are getting pushback…..and other times you WANT to figure it out but the problem is just that weird.  either way it results in a long call which will get you noticed by Quality.

and then the whole department was shut down to Cut Costs and DOZENS of GREAT people are permanently out of a job and the tier 1 operations will likely be outsourced to the same vendor they were already bringing in………(but still americans thank god, just even worse trained than we were)…..and the company employees who call in for service will NEVER KNOW. Well, unless an old school tech TELLS them: you know they closed a center so those good people you got last year? theyre all gone, never to come back. if you call in with any issue, the tier 1 person you speak to WILL be a third party vendor contractor. 100% chance, not just a 70% chance hahahaha.

why not outsource everything? its like the EMR tech support company who outsourced their hiring to the temp agency because they couldnt “get good enough people on their own”. the temp agency who wanted to hire me in for 17 bucks an hour, at the very poorly reviewed call center, where the very few people who had been around for 2 years, were actually started in at 12.50 and havent gotten any raises, and are understandably upset at the new people who make much more.

this is kinda weird, usually its the other way around. keep cutting and cutting the wages for new hires, not RAISING them.

i dunno. if i had more confidence, like SHE does, then I woulda had a much easier time saying yes to that job. I wish I had as much confidence as her hahaha or any normie.

goddam cvnt!!! how can she be so irreplaceable to me but i am so replaceable to her! same thing with the other cvnts! looks like they are more replaceable than I thought they were! just like every other cvnt hahahaha. but really. anyone that knows and has ever appreciates me, KNOWS that I cannot be replaced. only women have ever treated me like that hahaha.

heh. maybe she realizes that I am irreplaceable….. but she still wants to be done with me anyway.

Just like how I appreciate that all the friends I used to have that I drifted away from, I knew they were irreplaceable too.

so they weren’t important enough for me to care?

well that sounds terrible. well its A LOT DIFFERENT when you drift apart vs something like this.

so….either i did something so abonimably obscene and unforgivable that me begging im sorry im sorry please forgive me please respond would get me nothign……… or she was scared and overwhlemed and ran away forever like a scared animawish she’d come to her senses after some time has passes however. l. which sounds more plausible.

i just wish she would have come back AFTER she was done being scared and overwhelmed, and jsut sent me a message trying to do the right thing. like wait a month, even two months, and take 5 minutes to shoot off an email saying Im sorry for running away, i just wanted to say sorry and have a good life, we had a good friendship and i understand if you got feelings for me, i guess it just happens sometimes. when i am pretty, AND nice, AND not a whore hahahahaha.

i mean really. she should have guys falling in luv with her left and right. she is pretty, AND young, AND really nice, AND not a whore. every guy she meets should be falling in luv with her. maybe they do and she is just too oblivious. or maybe she just tries really hard to ignore and avoid it hahahaha.

i mean the only men who wouldnt like her, are the ones who deliberately like Huge Sluts. Really Slutty and Bitchy gurls. some guys do. they don’t like nice sweet gurls. and they dont like gurls who dont dress or act like sluts. they wouldnt like her then.

but i am so not one of those guys. I like nice sweet gurls, and who dont dress or act like sluts. no surprise that I fell in luv with her then.

well I have to go to the fat club here and burn 1000 calkories.

 

 

 

I GOT A RIGHT TO BE MYSELF, AND U CAN GO FOOK YOURSELF

apr 13

heh. waiting to go to stupid drug test. Stupidly I expelled 100% of muh waking up in the morning urine when I should have held back, but I needed muh instant gratification! now I am waiting for the 2nd urination and usually I drink a decent amount of coffee right now, but not today, because I am trying not to Dilute. they dont give you any advice on how not to dilute. but I know how possible it is. the best solution is to use the early in the morning urine. I mean I am a person who drinks a lot of  water and a lot of coffee.

technically i CAN still do it tomorrow, but I wanted to do it toDAY.

shit i really should do it tomorrow. just save some Yorine and do it first thing tomorrow.

not sure how i did this when i had to do this every week…..

ok i officially decided to do it tommorow. I just had a good coffee pee but that might have been “DILUTE”.

I wrote a pretty good email to the Mutual Friend. Got a little long winded OF COURSHE!!! but not too bad.

honestly I dont think That Woman talked to the mutual friend at ALL, either about me or just in general.

I suspect That Woman might have cut the mutual friend out of her life same as she did with me. and now mutual friend sees all the evidence of her fun new life and fun new friends and fun new boifrans and fook buddies and polyamorous fooks on facebook, cuz im sure mutual friend was not blocked like i was.

It may be my “fault” that that woman cut off the mutual friend. because she associated mutual friend with ME.

well thats not my problem, not my responsibility!!!!!! I dont even feel even a LITTLE bit guilty abotu that!

now mutual friend can be a little bit more cool and distant like “oh i guess she’s too COOL for me now that she has cooler, younger, sexier new friends”. i unfort had a LOT more at stake. it wasnt just a friend turning their back on me. it was a friend i had fallen DEEPLY in luv with and wanted to spend the rest of muh life with and have chirren with.

no i never told her all THAT, I didnt want her to know how DEEPLY I was in luv with her. maybe she figured it out and that’s why she was so scared. because even her long term boifran never luved her that much. she didnt think she was worthy of luv. so now she goes and fooks lotsa guys. thats easier. less serious. because fooking isnt serious. good lord.

i just hate she can FORGET ME so EASILY. Because it means I was not important to her, not valuable, not special. And I thought I was.

she didnt HAVE to return my feelings. I wasnt EXPECTING her to. I was EXPECTING her to DIGNIFY our LONG TERM RELATIONSHIP by showing me a TINY bit of SYMPATHY when she ended it, and not throw me away like a piece of garbage. that’s ALL. that’s the ONLY expectation I had. all you fookin assholes think I feel ENTITLED to a life of luv with her. NO. NOT AT ALL. WRONG. WRONG. YOUR WRONG, ASS HOLE.

just say im sorry, not because you did anything wrong, but you are showing sympathy for someone who is hurt. like when you say im sorry when you hear somebodys loved one died. its a POLITE show of SYMPATHY.

of course its complicated. even though you technically did nothing wrong…..you are still sort of the cause of their sadness. cuz you rejected them. but I understand you cant make someone Luv you.

I tried to tell her that, but she wouldnt listen ahahaha

she had kicked other people out of her life before…..for very good reasons! like they treated her bad, or they were pathetic drug addicts, bad influences. I wanted to be a good influence on her, like she was on me.

turns out I was no better than a bad influence cheater drug addict.

it is VERY painful when someone is a good influence on you, and you are a bad influence on them, and they want you out of their life.

But I am glad the mutual friend contacted me, and glad to give them My Side Of The Story. even if That Woman had never said a word to them.

anyway the mutual friend is a very very nice person who That Woman liked. there was NO REASON to cut the mutual friend out of life, UNLESS I was the reason. stupid.  I wont take responsibility for that. And I wont take responsibility for the way SHE reacts to MY feelings ESPECIALLY when shes not willing to communicate about the situation AT ALL, WHATSOEVER, NOT EVEN A SINGLE WORD.

I am still angry hahaha. I was doing a voice recording yesterday and was shouting about her being a FOOKING WHORE, SUCKING AND FOOKIN COX, because she’s TOO COOL to talk to me, but LOVES taking the new exciting COX. She luvs becoming a sleazebag. its stupid to be a good woman. it’s better being a SLEAZEBAG like the new guys you FOOK PROMISCUOUSLY. not afraid to talk to THEM!!!!!

that sort of thing.

applied for the university job. 40 grand a year? NOT GONNA HAPPEN hahahaha. this is “level 3”. I would be very happy with a level 1 making….26 grand a year. this is totally out of my league. i dont have a masters degree, and more importantly, i am a job hopping emotional basket case hahahaha. sane, decent women run in the other direction when they see me because they know i am bad news hahahaha.

well. see. That Woman abandoning the mutual friend is just shitty. I have a MUCH easier time saying “yep, that is DEFINITELY not my fault, that’s all on HER” towards that dumping, than when she dumped me. that i agonized over. This dumping of the mut friend, i can confidently say, well thats shitty of that person. SHAME on her. She’s not as good of a person as I thought she was. Have a LITTLE backbone. have a LITTLE courage. dont throw away TWO good people that never deserved to be thrown away. for new fun chads to fook. she SHOULD feel GUILT for this. and she will use that guilt to fook dudes hahaha and never do the right thing. so in a way, I pushed her to become a bad person hahahaha.

no no i am being sarcastic.

Anyway I am happy to talk to this mutual friend. that is a step forward for me I think.

so I thank GOD for that. cuz I was not really chomping at the bit to initiate contact with the mutual friend myself.

anyway. if I did this to a person, I wouldnt be able to live with myself. I would go crazy with guilt. wouldnt be able to sleep at night. Eventually I would have done SOMETHING. probably sent them a long email hahahaha or even a letter. Hey I gave her my address like 3 times just in case hahahaha.

did a nice 1000 calorieer.

i thought DAMN i was STUPID for falling so HARD for her. ok it didnt happen TOO FAST, but when it happened, it happened. also, if i could KEEP myself from getting feelings for her while she was with her BF, how come I couldnt KEEP myself from getting feelings when she was NOT with her BF????!!??!?!?!

Well because I didnt want to, for one. I thought there was a slim chance things could work out.

Also I think once you get the feelings…..you can’t roll them back. that is a one way process. no turning back. permanent.

basically i STILL got feelings TOO FAST and TOO STRONG and not cautiously/carefully enough. fools rush in hahahaha.

well, i also had stronger feelings for her than I even realized.  and that probably made her very scared. of COURSHE she didnt want to deal with that.

but yeah doesnt help me. I hate getting such STRONG feelings for women. it’s good to get that for your WIFE, but NOT someone who doesn’t luv you back! otherwise it takes at LEAST TWO YEARS to get over.

I mean I am starting to get over it after 9 months. But I still want her, and I have no interest in other women, cant even IMAGINE getting FEELINGS for other women.  I figure that will take at LEAST another 9 months.

I mean I would like to have a wife and I would like to luv her just as much as I luved this woman hahaha.

I mean really. who wants to marry somebody where you loved somebody ELSE more? it seems very wrong and fooking STUPID.

but I wish I had been able to control myself more, and not have the feelings get so STRONG. Like controlled myself and said, well, lets wait until SHE shows some feelings for ME before I go OVERBOARD here.

But I think I was encouraged by her sweetness and niceness to me. and the fact that we had been friends for a long time.

this was a NEW experience for me. getting feelings for a friend after 2 years had passed. Totally new territory for me. and I am SURE that made my feelings deeper and stronger, and made the eventual pain all the more worse too.

it wasnt fair to tell her “I AM RIDICULOUSLY IN LUV WITH YOU” I just told her I had feelings but downplayed how strong they were. cuz it prob is scary to have someone be STRONGLY in luv with you.

more importantly, why do I fall in luv so STRONGLY with people who dont luv me?

kind of a pattern hahaha.

Well it doesnt happen ALL THE TIME. just once every 3 or 4 years.

and i argue this doesnt fit the PATTERN at all. i JUST SAID, this was something COMPLETELY NEW.

Also, I really WANTED the women to return the feelings, to have feelings for me. It’s not like I was Choosing Unavailable Women. I was seriously hoping she would BE available!!!!!

I am thankful to the LORD for my recent interest in the Hip New Band Deafheaven. I usually have no interest in new music. Now it’s more curiosity than interest, but I will take it.  I am drawn to the controversy. They ruffle the feathers of the more closed-minded metal fans………but they are also really really really hipster and faggy. They are probably THE most hipster metal band I have ever seen.

I hate hipsters but I also think SOME metal closed=mindedness is amusing. but some of it is good! nothing wrong with being conservative and traidtional!!!! I hate “progressive” shit!

But metal is largely degenerate.

now deafheaven are probably degenerates too, having casual sex, drinking and smoking mj and god knows what other drugs.

so I might lose this curiosity soon, but I will enjoy it somewhat while it lasts. its not easy to enjoy music, like I said. hard to enjoy anything!

I like black metal and I like metal that was considered someone kind of progressive or out of the box……but in the 90s. I lost track of metal around 2002 and then soon after a lot of super progressive evolution happened. Have been catching up on the more interesting bits for the past few years.  I mean metal has been hipsterish since like 2008 or 2007, hahaha. the existence of deafheaven is not surprising given this trajectory.

so yeah its super faggy unmasculine emotional girly feminine black metal. in the past that would mean it was “gothic” and “symphonic.” bbbbbbut this stuff is surpirsingly heavy, good heavy sound, and more blast beats than i expected! I am a sucker for blast beats and I was pleasantly surprised how much deafheaven uses them. good for them. that’s probably the crux of the issue right there.  until recently, it took “balls” to cross the blast beat rubicon. one could say deafheaven contradicts that. faggy AND blast beats! so it really might be the perfect thing for me. since I am kinda faggy, but I also like the masculine intensity of blast beats.

i mean i had strong feelings for woman 2012 too. and it sucked to get dumped by her. but it sucked way less. and my life didnt fall apart. but I think my feelings just werent AS strong there. for woman2015 the feelings were possibly the STRONGEST they have even been for ANY woman ever. and the pain greater than ever. plus it was a complicated, shitty situation. totally unique. i couldnt really have prepared for it. nothing I had ever experienced had prepared me for this.

omg i forgot about this comment, classic set of comments on this video::

Ronald Clingerman8 months ago
i listen to this when i jack off

Reply2
Ronald Clingerman8 months ago
+Ronald Clingerman me too

Reply5
Aegianlulz3 months ago
+Ronald Clingerman Wanna jack off together?

ok you really gotta see the screen for the full effect:

2016-04-13_19h06_48

If I could upboat Aegianlulz 6000000 times i would. and the god damn jimmie rustling gorilla. such a classic comment.

but yeah great album here too. Of course I have been in a peter steele / type o phase, and of course I enjoy their debut album a lot, but I came to carnivore late in life, but I took to them very naturally and enthusiastically. definitely a band I should have listened to when I was young. I remember seeing their cd all the time when I used to get cd’s and I thought oh thats the guy from type o negative…..but I never got the cd. I wasted so much money on stupid cd’s. I am of that age. I really should have got that carnivore cd, but I think at that time, the social group had decided that peter steele was faggy. because at that time, type o was going supergoth. I was SO concerned what other people would think of me! so immature and weak.

but yeah carnivore is AWESOME. just AWESOME. slightly degenerate but very forgiveable. dripping with pure testosterone. EXACTLY what most of us need!

listen to this album EVERY DAY while LIFTING or at least doing a brisk jog hahaha.

then you can listen to faggy deafheaven.

i always forget about mother fookin CARNIVORE.

I dont like much music, but I have total respect for CARNIVORE.

what did i learn.

if i ever have a female friend again, and I start falling in love with her, tell her directly as soon as possible. period. full stop. we need to TALK. NOW. NOW.  because a mere 10 months of that will be enough to ruin your life hahahaha. and it will take you a lot MORE than 10 months to bounce back. damn son.

I NEVER SAID “IM INSANELY IN LUV WITH YOU, LETS GET MARRIED, I CANT LIVE WITHOUT YOU!!!!”

I tried to be more classy than that.

And I never stalked or harrassed her.

so i want a damn cookie for that? NORMAL people dont do any of that anyway!

Well I guess I want to convince myself I am normal I suppose.

normies get heartbroken too!!!!

normies, tell me your stories of heartbreak!

i just wanted to do everything RIGHT and not be a psycho creepy weirdo niceguy stalker!!!!!!

I think I avoided the biggest pitfalls pretty WELL actually!!!!!

I wasnt perfect but its hard to be at the top of your game when you are HEARTBROKEN!!!!!

I really did pretty good CONSIDERING.

And I didnt do all the worst creepy psycho stalker niceguy shit that I was afraid I might do!

hahaha. i would rather ruin my own LIFE, that do any of that shit.

well I sure did hahaha.

Now I just walk at 15% inclines and listen to CARNIVORE and cant even find women attractive any more, want nthing to do with women, and worship peter steele when he says “IF YOU CANT EAT IT OR FOOK IT……KILL IT!!!!!” and “I GOT A RIGHT TO BE MYSELF, AND YOU CAN GO FOOK YOURSELF!!!! SUCK!!! MY!!!! DIKK!!!! SUCKMYDIKK!!!!!”

when the butthurt boils over into pure rage. this is why peter steele is such a mensch. a great goy he was. and a POLE!!!!!!

(in an interview he said “I’m bipolar, AND bipolack.”)

Poor Peter. He should ahve just taken some lithium and married a nice gurl and quit drugs and alcohol cold turkey and had some nice white children.

8 months today since i last contacted her (email4).

april 14

ok did the Urine test, no known unknowns there, nto sure about unknown unknowns because i am not a drug testing EXPERT. or SME.

Interview Talking Point:

I do not have direct supervisory experience, but as a more senior funjob staff member, I was entrusted with training and mentoring newer employees, and was skilled in training them in best practices. I enthusiastically took a similar role at call center, providing guidance and technical advice to newer employees in a very information-intensive environment, many of which expressed vocal appreciation for the knowledge and help.

I make decisions autonomously and quickly when needed, and take ownership over my projects and decisions, following through with clients to make sure issues are fully resolved. I do not require “hand-holding” and am skilled at working independently, with minimal supervision or guidance. I am skilled at meeting deadlines and strict quality metrics. I do self-training and independent research to stay current in job-related knowledge. I am very conscious of fellow team members’ own priorities and time management. I always aim to make the most productive use of my time and the department’s time.

I am good at thinking creatively and thinking of unknown unknowns, for example if I am meeting with an SME and they offer me limited information. I ask them probing questions to help them remember additional potentially useful information for me. I imagine potential roadblocks, risks, and pitfalls and ask about them beforehand, so I am equipped to handle them when they arise. In doing this, hopefully the SME will remember other unknown unknown pitfalls which I haven’t yet imagined or encountered, but they have.

END

yeah. yesterday I was EMBARRASSED that I had LOST CONTROL so much, htat I ahd gone so CRAZY, that I felt so STRONGLY, and couldnt control my RIDICULOUS strong emotions, and totally broke down. couldnt handle LIFE because of my strong, crazy, uncontrollable emotions. how could I let it go so wrong. its shameful, i was ashamed and embarrassed!!!!

how could I do this to myself over a WOMAN????!?!?!?!?!?!

its embarrassing!!!! its a sign of total weakness, which is unattractive to everybody! jobs, friends, women!

when you laugh the world laughs with you, when you cry, you cry alone hahahaha.

kinda sucks that you go thru your hardest times alone and whenever you try to Vent to someone, they think you want people to feel sorry for you, hahahaha.

no i dont want people to FEEL SORRY for me, but I DO want a LITTLE sympathy!!!!!!

I just wrote a second rambling long email to the mutual friend! I dont want to make a habit out of it. two strikes is enough. I am essentially using mutual friend as a PROXY for everything I couldnt say to That Woman. Because mutual friend is more wlling to listen and hear. I mentioned this. I just wanted to be HEARD, but I didnt even know if That Woman ever read my emails.

I just wanted to be HEARD! LISTEN TO ME!!

Is that too much to ask?

I dont think so!!!!

but yeah I cant ask her to be courageous. And I was being scary. I was scaring myself!

but if she responded to my 900000000000000000000000 words of emails with “k” would that be enough to “be heard?” I dunno.

http://www.buzzfeed.com/alexalvarez/kk-bb#.cjZmLvbvp

also shes so young and girly and millennial that she sometimes said “kk” instead of “ok” and i found that annoying at first, then horrifying. I thought it signalled detachment, annoyance, and distance from her, and i hated that i was doing that to her.

but actually kk is far less sinister than that! i read too much into it! but because of that ambiguity, and its faginess, i will never use it.

http://www.buzzfeed.com/ryanhatesthis/ironic-misogyny-is-a-very-dangerous-game#.xcWJwPrPV

god damn buzzfeed is such god damn degenerate trash.

misogyny? from the guy who responded to this idiot bitch? you know exactly how she’s gonna troll as soon as you read the tweet. AND I thought it would be a long drawn out thing! this is hardly a “MASTER CLASS IN TROLLING.” or “shining a light on everyday misogyny.” the guy was smart and didnt take the bait after “what do you mean”. if he had responded like a butthurt fedora virgin and they went back and forth 90000 times, that would be a master class in trolling. of course its a faggy MAN writing this article! FOOK buzzfeed!

when you present yourself as a fooking IDIOT, it is any WONDER men start mansplaining to you??!?!?!?!

Its hard NOT to mansplain when women are THAT fooking STUPID! so they’re FAKING it to massage men’s egos? I’d rather they didnt! Cuz I don’t WANT to think women are THAT dumb! OR deceptive!

this goddamn commercial with the animals in the office. instant messaging all the members of their TEAM. great job team. good ideas team. thanks for the feedback team. kk team. hate this team bullshit.

my favorite OBVIOUSLY is the SLOTH who takes ALL DAY to SLooooooowwwwllllyyy type the one message “great job team!” That was some truly creative thinking right there, give that person a bonus.

My IT Recruiter apparently doesnt know how to do Blind Carbon Copies, and one of the Blacks she sent the mass message to doesn’t know how to use reply vs reply all, hahahaha.

well maybe they do, and they both screwed up just once. I screwed up all the time and looked like an idiot all the time, where I just wanted to cry and say  “IM NOT THIS STUPID!!! I SWEAR!!!!!!!!!!!!” but no one would believe me.

well the recruiter has done it twice though.

and how do you find out about blind carbon copy unless somebody SHOWS you?

you think outside of the box and say “what if.” is there a way to send emails without everyone seeing everyone elses address? then search google in your free time, and find that BCC is a way to do this. I think. I’m not even sure that it is.

https://blogs.office.com/2012/03/23/5-tips-on-using-bcc-in-outlook-email/#8Lfd5AleLEqHDxEH.97

this simple article probably could have prevented the problem she is having which she is not even aware of hahaha.

i guarantee a more senior person in the office would NOT train her on this. she has to think of it on her own initiative. and she clearly does not have that kind of obsessive compulsive curiosity hahahaha.

I dunno. Some initiative is reasonable, but some is just too much. then you start asking Dumb Questions in your groping for Unknown Unknowns. but you can’t ask questions to people at your job, that’s time wasting and your dum. so you try to research these questions on your own. and hope you can find information on the internet to clearly answer them for you.

the obvious answer is to pay a consultant/expert/SME OUTSIDE of your work to train you and teach you. but again they can’t teach you things about your job or its policies. they could very well give you a good big picture which will help you though. so go spend entire paychex on an outside consultant to train you for your job. because you dont want to look like an idiot and get fired by your own company.

HOW DO NORMIES DO THIS? why are there no articles on the whole internet about this?

because normies dont do it like this!

how do you toughen up?

go through tons of hard shit?

I have gone through hard shit but it seems to make me WEAKER. what doesnt kill me makes me WEAKER.

do you visualize real tough unpleasant stuff till you get desensitized to it?

I have seen shock vidyas that would give most normies ptsd!!!  stuff like 3 guys 1 hammer, which about 4 or 5 years ago taught me, i dont WANT to see stuff like this any more. this is HORRIBLE. Whatever curiosity i had in shock videos was OVER. thank GOD. then recently I saw an animal crush/torture video on accident and I was horrified for like 2 straight days.

you dont need to watch animal crush videos over and over again to desensitize yourself to tuff stuff! in fact, that will do much more harm than good! much more!

ok so horrible real violence videos do not work either.

honestly, the best I have for you is to LIFT. lift heavy weights until your body is EXHAUSTED and they have to CARRY you out of the gym.

also running a marathon maybe. 26 miles.

I do have respect for Endurance. whats the point of sprinting 100 meters when you cant even run a mile.

Before, the idea of running a mile seemed impossible. I can do it now quite easily. WELL, its not RUNNING, its actually jogging VERY slowly, at 4.5 mph hahahahaha. thats not even JOGGING. REAL tough guys would RUN at 10+ mph.

but I would rather slow jog at 4.5 for 1 or 1.5 miles. yesterday i said 1 mile wasnt enough, lets do 1.5. that was better. I think 2 miles is gonna be the minimum to Become Tough and Reduce Stress and Anxiety and Worry.

you think SHE watches animal torture videos to Get Tuff for doing HER job? fook no! she would be scarred for life! or any of the people working there! shit! I was scarred for life a little bit just seeing 10 seconds of it!

there was this other horrible thing called “dissection chan” where a morgue worker got a pretty young dead girl one day, and cut her up and disemboweled her in a very wanton over the top way, and took pictures of his gruesome artwork and put them on the internet. yep I saw those too. never again! i think he was quite rightfully convicted of corpse desecration or something like that. at least that is still a crime hahaha.

love and loss. is it really better to have loved and lost than never loved at all? i mean its nice to know i was capable of luv. sure thats nice. but overall i dont think its worth it. so im capable of love. well now that capability is DESTROYED. I can never luv again. this is it. she was the last one. I will never find a woman better than her.

of course, i’ve said that every single time!

and i think that getting a real gf and having a real rel is some MAGICAL thing, when they say it really isn’t.

what do you mean it isn’t???!?!?!?!

well then I want to try to prove or disprove that. give me a god damn chance to prove or disprove it. yes I KNOW it cant FIX you internally. but I have a hypothesis that it can HELP A LOT!!!!!!!!!

if I had gotten with her, it would have HELPED A LOT!!!!!

she was a big motivator for me. just seeing her and being with her and talking to her and spending time with her was a BIG FOOKIN MOTIVATOR that I couldnt GET anywhere else. Not making 15 DAH, not in Exercising or slow jogging 2 miles!!!! not in music.

the closest I could get is MJ, and White Nationalism, hahahahahaha. And MJ is degenerate.

MUDSH4RK IMPLIES SLUT

1230

heh. i only listen to new-to-me music if it has right wing or nondegenerate ties. obviously death metal flirts with just balls out nihilism as does black metal and many types of metal hahahaha.

but i have been hearing about “disma” repeatedly and yes they do sound good. and craig p on vocals and he has always been one of muh favorite death metal singers since the early incantation days. basically just deep as fook growling, nothing fancy, but just extremely deep and low bowels of hell type grunting. kinda like mortician but i could never get too into morticians music. jsut gimme a vocalist who is serious about getting as low as you can go. and pillard does that.

well imagine my surprise to see marxists and antiracist metal fans CLUTCHING THEIR PEARLS when they discovered he was a BIGOT NAZI SUPREEMIST. that just made me like him more!

and of course big tough antiracist death metal fans boycott the band because of this, call them dickheads and phaggots and douchebags and assholes and big mean meany bigots and get them kicked off of concerts. disma that is. and the music is pretty sick! also dat cover art hahahaha. really good. because reasons hahahaha. wow. just wow. current year. i cant even.

now there was a rumor he was into drugs a long time ago, and i dont like tattoos, but….i appreciate a good race realist hahaha plus he hasnt denied those rumors because theres no way he can, he has said some pretty good stuff on the record and i think even has an album with hitler on the cover hahahahha uncle al.

so good for him. i just hope he doesnt lead a degenerate lifestlye. but his voice sounds great 20 years after his work with incantation.

yeah i just hate the bipolar roller coaster nature of the rel. it was really good, then it got really bad.

i knew shit was not good, but i still didnt see this coming. i thought she just needed to COOL OFF and then would eventually respond to me.

because WHO DOES THIS. how can you EXPECT this out of anybody.

so that business about not a 180, it was like a 10, she was inching towards this…..

i dunno. she was inching towards being DONE with the rel, fine, but that doesnt mean she HAD to end it like THIS.

so in other words, she could have just said, listen we are done, sorry but i cant do this, we had a good rel in the past but i cant continue. sorry, have a good life.

whatever you say when you want to end a rel but the other person doesnt, you try to be nice so they are less devastated.

it doesnt help that i saw a woman who really looked like her at the fatness club yesterday. i just got done with my 9 miles and was about to LEAVE when i saw the woman.

and of course i was like, is that just someone who LOOKS like her, or is it ACTUALLY HER? my eyesight is not super good and they were not super close. i inched closer and basically stared at the woman until she became suspicious of me and then i had to stop staring.

similar body type, similar face, not dressed in whore gym clothes hahahaha i mean wearing modest decent good girl baggy cothes instead of whorish supertight clothes that look like they are painted on. wearing shirt of big summer concert i know she went to.

the only thing was the gym woman seemed to have shorter hair, and i had never known That Person to go to a gym ever.

well maybe she started, just like i started. and she cut off a lot of hair as a way to reinvent herself after knowing such a horrible person as me hahaha so she cut off 2 years worth of hair maybe hahaha. and started going to the gym to meet more hot guys to casually fook hahahaha. these are the type of thoughts i was thinking!!!!

i tried to get as close as possible and try to sneak glances at her from the corner of my eye so it didnt look like i was staring at her, but i was not super smooth and i think she caught on. so i look like a Huge Omega Virgin Creep hahahaha.

so theres arguments for and against why it might have been her. i mean she saw me, if it WAS her, wouldnt she do something? the real her would probably run away if she saw me hahahaha. or maybe she would have waved at me. or maybe just ignored me and kept using the machine like the person did hahahaha.

i mean there are closer gyms to her house. but maybe she moved!

but she never goes to the gym! but maybe she started, just like i did!

but this girl had much shorter hair! and i dont think she would ever cut her hair that short! cuz she was fixated on having nice long hair, and i certainly enjoyed that as well.

i should have just gone right up to the woman and said, sorry for staring, but i thought you were “a friend” of mine, you really look like them. now i can see that you are not that person sorry hahahahah by the way whats your name ayyyy baby u wan sum fukk ayyyy lmao

and then have casual secs with a gurl who really LOOKS LIKE her hahahaha. GR8.

that actually wouldnt be too bad. i mean so casual secs with an attractive gurl can only be a good thing. well, until you get feelings for her hahahaha. but that would be physically impossible atm.

so maybe she cut her hair, and started going to the gym hahaha.

hey if I can start going to the gym, so can ANYONE.

BUT i am guilty of thinking tons of women look like her. all women look like her. except the ones that BLATANTLY dont. i see a Certain Set Of Features and boom. long legs, pale untanned skin, dark long hair, 20s, and boom. its her.

lemmy dead. did i comment on this? i mean is it really a surprise? i didnt realize he was 70, i thought he was like 65 at the oldest hahaha. but yeah its a miracle he made it to 70 and you can find pictures of him in 2015 and he looked pathetic and skinny and at deaths door, kinda sad i mean. the masculine man withered away into a skeleton. well i think his music was HONEST and he was the real deal and an honest guy………but still a degenerate who was Too Into Hedonism.  i just have to point this out because so many hipsters are gonna be sad hahahaha. but lemmy was also a shitlord who had swastikas! i think this is great but i wonder why they ignore it. probably because lemmy made some humanist statement or said something like “all humanity including whites are shitty.” [citation needed hahaha]

but yeah like keith richards its amazing he lived as long as he did.

and i cant deny liking the song ace of spades, i think everybody does. and it signalled a no bullshit no phony no phaggots, masculine, honest musical style that i would probably appreciate if i listened to full motorhead albums like a REAL fan. i would probably go to ace of spades or overkill hahahaha. 80s stuff with the classic lineup. philthy animal taylor hahahaha i know that much about motorhead at least.

but again people who drink all day and do coke all day and bang hundreds of sluts, its a damn degenerate lifestyle, period. wouldnt you get tired of it? wouldnt you want a decent woman to have children with? though im sure lemmy had some bastard children. but if he was a deadbeat father to them who cares? but maybe he gave them a cut of his riches. well he should!

well its hard finding any info about children. he had at least one semi-confirmed bastard child, given up for adoption, when he was like 18. i wonder if he had any nonwhite kids with his black gurlfran hahahaha.

also interesting that he was diagnosed with tons of cancer in his head, brain, and neck, and then died 2 days later. did he K himself with morphine? he said he never did opiates. yet he did SPEED regularly to age 70. drank a bottle of jack a day until his 60s. 2 packs of cigarettes a day till recently.

heh. well i drink tons of coffee. maybe i should switch to speed. might be better on muh bowels. shit.

well COULD lemmy have settled down wiht a nice white gurl and become a family man?

i refuse to believe that any white man does not have that potential. and he’s a bit of an alpha male. he could have totally done it if he set his mind to it. maybe got off the booze and speed and sluts. but that was simply too much to ask.

i guess motorhead always puts on a good show. welp i wouldnt have minded seeing that but looks like i never will hhhehe.

i should just go to a damn white power rac show hahahaha. but they dont put those on the internet. there are more lame news articles about how awful white power music concerts are hahahaha. you have to prove yourself to the WP organizers first. wihch i guess makes sense.

i mean these arent dangerous things. what really IS dangerous is a large happy white family. and indeed that is my ultimate goal.

i mean i wouldnt put my kids in hitler costumes or start the next prussian blue kiddie music band or something. does anyone remember prussian blue? kinda hope not, they were kind of embarrassing but i still trust the mother, she walks the talk and is a decent white woman, maybe she just made a misstep with PB. but HOPEFULLY the girls dont become mudsharks or sluts.

whats worse, a mudshark or a slut? well, mudshark IMPLIES slut, like they shark it up with LOTS of muds. and leave it to me to find the one woman who has some questionable mudshark behavior, but is NOT a slut. imho, one is a slippery slope to the other. althoguh i would say slut comes first, then msharking. so its weird to see msharking present BEFORE the sluttiness. no im not talking about PB, im talking about That Person im obsessed wiht and trying to get over.

i think the girls will be ok, so they smoke a little MJ and become Lefty for a few years, as long as they dont become sluts, they should be ok. like i say, (not) being a slut is THE most important thing.

its frustrating when somebody is willing to be emotionally mature with other men, but not with you.

they are willing to talk and communicate with the men they love, willing to try; but with you, they dont even want to LISTEN to you. NO willingness for anything whatsoever.

yeah i was not perfect, yeah i made a mistake, but it was more of an accident, and it wasnt cheating or abusive. i just had feelings and i was reluctant to blurt it out by email or text or at work. is that SUCH a crime?

what is the proper punishment for cowardice?

i mean i eventually told her hahahaha

also she could have said ok this is ridiculous we need to talk already

but more she was like this is ridiculous, and we are never going to talk again.

yep it hurts a lot to be thrown away like garbage by someone you love. i mean someone you DONT luv CAN throw you away like garbage, cuz you are glad to be done wiht them too.

dont hate me just because i liked you, dont hate me because i was scared to talk about it. i was heavily signalling, you already KNEW, and you refused to let me talk to you about it in person. you avoided me like the plague because you picked up on the hint and just wanted to avoid me until i went away. well i went away all right hahahaha.

but jesus christ just write an email, respond to the 4 emails i sent you. how hard is that? respond once, then you can block me.

there are situations where the woman is more willing than the man. the woman is begging the stubborn man, please please work with me, please talk to me, please listen to me. in fact i think she was IN that position recently. i just wish she had been OPEN to LISTENING to me, rather than CLOSED.

and usually its the GUY, me, who is seen as In The Wrong here, so thats why i blame myself. she was closed to me becuase i was PUSHING her too much. i pushed her AWAY permanently.

yeah well she also could have LISTENED to what i had to say and RESPONDED to it.

in other words, she was trying to AVOID the talk even more than i was. i was only half avoiding it, cuz i really WANTED to talk, but was scared. she didnt want to talk whatsoever.

yeah its important that im not the bad guy, because i dont want to blame myself. like oh i screwed up this was all my fault because i did this one thing.

i guess a person like me will ALWAYS FIND ONE THING like that.

so you turn it around and say, well, she could have tried. she could have been willing. if she was willing to meet me halfway, she would have met me halfway!

so i found out one of muh fav songs by my new fav band v————i which features a guy i have had a mancrush on for a long time, but i was on the fence about him being a degenerate, that was the one thing i didnt like about him, is i thought he was kind of a soulless degenerate and he could do better than that…..and lo and behold, inthe current year 2015 i discover he has yet ANOTHER musical project which is very nondegenerate and which completely redeems him in my eyes! i dont say his name because its kind of a semi open secret. otherwise i would have known about this band years ago!

but it turns out the song is a cover of another finnish “RAC” band called sniper:

looks like a good time amirite?

this is the type of thing that commie phaggots and degenerates do protests on and want to SHUT IT DOWN.

also apparently vapaudeniristi themselves started running into problems playing shows in 2015. maybe this is when someone revealed to the english speaking world that they have a pretty Big Guy in this band.

i think it is FOOKING AWESOME as i said. it was one of the best discoveries of the year for me, and made me like this guy EVEN MORE. when some people disappoint me and break my heart, other people reaffirm my faith in them.

anyway i dont care about lyrics, i care about music, becuase lyrics usually suck. give me bad lyrics and good music. but a lot of RAC seems to be lyrics first, music second. which makes sense for that, because they have a real message they want to get across. but imho it would really help to have good songwriters and musicians and producers too, and My Big Guy is already one of those. he writes decent songs, he’s got a GREAT voice, he plays all instruments well, and he is a GREAT producer. he knows how to make anything SOUND good. he has a great ear for that. for us autists that freak out over Guitar Sound and Snare Drum Sound and Mixing and how everything sounds. he is just as autistic.

yeah well there are some people that boycott him becuase hes a RACIST and i never understood that. because he had one anti-zionist lyric on one song on one black metal album 10 years ago. really???

well this other band is a bit more blatant it seems. and i am very happy for it!

i love the image of commie crushers and skinheads in Combat Boots beating the shit out of communist Antifascists!

now i am too cowardly to physically beat people, but i love the idea of Crushing Degeneracy.

and with the catchy, short, upbeat songs, catchy riffs, melodies, the shouting choruses, and this guy has always had one of my favorite Voices anyway, to hear him roaring all these lyrics in finnish is pretty good.

its more immediate and more HUMAN and more emotional than his other stuff, which is cold and hateful and nihilistic. this stuff is more….optimistic or happy or positive and takes a stand for something Special. something he and we all can really believe in.

i cant believe he has the TIME! he already did TOO MUCH before i knew he was in this band….which also does a LOT.

i am glad he plays shows with them too. i wish he would play shows with his black metal project, and his doom project.

when he plays shows with his RAC project, the communists try to shut it down. i guess there were journalists printing lies about him and on his youtube channel you can hear him calling a journalist. and then they speak finnish for 10 minutes hahahahah.

anyway he basically does all his real “RACIST” stuff in finnish which is why i dont want to make him a target for all the non-finnish-speaking marxists.

plus he is in a big metal band which is liked by a lot of leftist antiracist pussies.

or people boycott this other up and coming black metal band just because they are on his LABEL and are friendly with him.

my question is, how racist are the lyrics of his RAC band?

hehe google translate is horrible with finnish. i translated the finnish lyrics of sniper’s isanmaa aka “fatherland” and the stuff was not degenerate at all.

” Fatherland wake up the son of the Finnish – Too much injustice, too many to death! So, the fatherland give us a sign for battle! You are too important to fight you to freedom, the fatherland! ”

its not abut getting drunk and banging sluts and acting like lemmy in other words hahaha.

and the translation of my boys lyrics that ive been able to find, are not bad. basically i dont want Stupid Skinhead stuff but i am becoming more open to it hahaha.

speaking of finnish this band moonsorrow is pretty good and has 2 good real epic songs.

they are not racist though. they have been accused of it of course! and denied it like pussies. we dont hate anyone, we just like finnish language and legends. WELL GOOD FOR YOU hahahaha.

this is all hilarious with the long running “joke” that finnish people arent even white. and some poeple are pretty serious about that. ohhh the finns are more mongolian. DNA wise they are far apart from all other europeans. they are the least europid people in europe. they are just mongolians who came over and turned albino. they dont even speak a european language.

apparently moldbug has his “law of sewage”, which is:

a barrel of sewage plus one drop of wine is a barrel of sewage.

a barrel of wine plus one drop of sewage is a barrel of sewage.

hehehehe obviously i kind of like this. even though moldbug is autistic as FOOK. he is worth reading a little bit of, i did back in 2012 and 13 hahaha. yeah hes at least half J but hes an ok guy. and he is getting kicked out of tech conferences because of his damn political views. because tech people are all sjw’s now. so weird. his real name is now out there, you can look it up, im not gonna say it.

anyway i just have no frame of reference for what happened to me, for what she did. i thought she was a better person than that. she probably IS a better person than that, this is just her big mistake, and i wont be able to convince her otherwise.

it would be easier if i culd just say, welp shes really just a horrible person, but i know shes not.

i wish she WERE, cause that would be easier to blame her, and harder to blame me!

i cant think of a famous story that parrellels this. its not like romeo and juliet.

its hard to sum up in 1 sentence, but its basically unrequited luv that ended very badly.

there was no cheating or no abusing, just…..a man loving a woman who didnt luv him back.

so yeah. nothing new or exciting there!

so lemmy was sad because his friend and motorhead drummer philthy animal taylor had died in november 2015 and lemmy made a remark like “they take a great guy like him, but people like george bush are still alive” which may indicate lemmys total normie blue pill perspective. or perhaps lemmy was just feeling shitty himself and couldnt think of a more shitty person than george bush. jeez why am i picking on LEMMY? show some respect for the DEAD. but yeah i dont like george bush either but the cooler thing to say would be like angela merkel or barry o or hillary hahahaha.

well the good thing abotu motorhead is the masculine energy, the sense of being alive and revved up and ready to dominate and kick ass. kind of like the commie crusher feel of RAC music. gives you courage to charge into battle. in a more straightforward way than some black or death metal. just high tempo ass kicking high testosterone manly man rock. like say acdc as well.

i dont even like using the term RAC but i dont know whatelse to call it. nationalist hard rock? with driving motorheadish songs that are less about drinking and fooking and more about crushing commies and securing the existence of our people? yeah ok sure sounds good!

heh lemmy should have just become a racist and made motorhead an RAC band with similar music, but them him quitting drugs and booze, and having a large white family.

hehehe what do my lads at trs forum say about this? probably that he was a degen.

 

links to threads on dead forum. that forum was public and you could actually read them without logging in. and any old schmuck like me could also register without an invite. glad i was able to get in on that. hahaha. watch now they ban me because i dont have enough posts or rep.

WORRIED SICK

sat janu 4 2014 5:50pm

well i have written like 6 posts since getting off of work / ungodly stressful torture, have put off muh chores to write POSTS. actually killed about 2 hours earlier by just reading about muh interests in musical and rediscovering a few rather extreme individuals, ok for example, jon nodtveidt of dissection, and infernus of gorgoroth. both very similar guys, both very satanic, very very very satanic, and it has literally taken me years to understand their satanism, and only now am I starting to, and I really don’t think it’s too different from muh christianity. we are all seeking religious truth of some sort. I would say they are very Theistic, as am I. and then reading about Western Esotericism and Gnosis and Left hand path and right hand path, nodtveidt was involved in a very satanic thing called the MLO, now the temple of the black light, and I have been trying to understand his suicide ever since it happened in 2006, yes I have been a big dissection fan since 2001 thank you very much!

But I admire people who practice what they preach, who do not care what others think, who stand up for their beliefs, especially extreme beliefs. I am drawn to extremism hehehe.

basically giving gorgoroth another fair shake after reading some interviews with infernus. never read his interviews and he comes across as VERY articulate, VERY smart, and I like that a lot in muh black metallers. Rather than some dumb drunk hedonistic slob decadent degenerate prole hehehe.

not a music blog hehehe but if you like metal, check out gorgoroth.

it is also NO coincidence whatever that tomas asklund was the drummer for 2005 dissection as well as the current drummer of gorgoroth. Because he himself is a True Satanist, and fits in perfectly with the extreme satanic ideology/beliefs/religion of both nodtveidt and now infernus. hopefully they don’t plan on killing themselves anytime soon! nodtveidt said that suicide was a freely chosen death, and that death should be the “orgasm of life”, and that suicide due to depression or old age or physical or emotional suffering was not a good suicide. It is a way to transcend your earthly existence, to go out on your own terms, at the peak of your health, success, and happiness, a kind of celebration.

Like I said, extreme! it is very fascinating and keeps me coming back to their final album “reinkaos”, which is definitely a huge grower for those of us who preferred dissection’s 1990s style. it really would help to closely study the LYRICS to this album, which I never do.

Also, I really don’t like using the word “SATANISM” to describe these guys or their Religion, that really sends the wrong impression. But it’s really hard to describe, and real confusing,  other than it’s kinda similar to my Born Again Religious Fanaticism for Jesus, just in a different direction. They are also seeking Truth but they believe that Chaos is the Final Truth????

and now back to muh worrying worrying worrying worrying. worrying worrying worrying worrying. I suppose I will continue worrying until the worrying stops. I have found that you can spend the majority of your waking hours worried. extremely worried. about yer darn JOB. because you fear f00king up with your customers/clients/whatever your company calls the people You Serve; and you fear the reaming that will then entail from your manager.

I thought that another move in their little SATANIC EVIL chess game is, they won’t want to “lay you off” because they don’t want the EXPENSE of paying you UNEMPLOYMENT BENEFITS. They would rather make your life a living hell and PRESSURE you to QUIT, thus less expense for them.

Heh I wonder if you could quit and then lie and say you were laid off for business needs. and that way it wouldn’t be a “voluntary personal decision”, which is my AWESOME euphemism for “quitting.”

Well, a bg check could certainly show if you’ve been collecting UEB (unemployment bennies) (or UI) or not, and if you were NOT collecting UI then you must NOT have been Laid Off, it must have been a voluntary personal decision, or WORSE, a FIRING for GROSS NEGLIGENCE!!!!!!!

in other words your managers will be meaner to you than they are to other coworkers, to tighten the screws and force you to QUIT. And then the NEXT move on their part would be a blatant firing.

heh I almost wish I didn’t have this weekend off, this time off is killing me, even if its breathing new life into muh blog, hahahaha. no i would almost rather work 100 days in a row with no break just so I can get “broken in”, because it’s not like my 2 days off are relaxing, because I’m worried sick about that next day of Work.

There’s a difference between Not Loving your Job, and being Worried SICK about it all the time! a BIG difference. NOBODY really loves their job, jobs are not to be loved, but you should not be worried sick about them, such that that worry poisons all of your time not at work!!!!

Well the Corrupt Medical Community says that Two Weeks is the sign that something is the sign of a deeper problem that you should Seek Medz for. Like if you are deeply sad for 13 days because someone in your family died, that is normal. but if you are deeply sad for 15 days and can’t perform your JOB, then now you have DEPRESSION and need to see a Docker for Medz.

So in other words, if I can last two weeks, and it is still every bit as bad, I might them pick up the phone and call the doc for some medz. like xanax or valium. benzos, son. strong anti-anxiety meds. I know those are not $4 walmart meds either.  now price checking…. alprazolam is generic….some say 10$ for 1 month, others say 150$. hehehe. I would pay up to $50 a month tops. some quick searching sez this would PROB be doable.

ok be right back.