WHAT GOOD DOES IT DO ME?

dec 3

https://www.youtube dot com/watch?v=C2hOJR0hIBY

this “woman” looks like a man, and should not be wearing something so unflattering, and looks part nonwhite, BUT she is appearing on redice, who are Legit Vetted Good Goys and worthy of support, talking about the evils and degeneracy of Jooish Pornography, so thats pretty cool. i just saw this, have not listened yet.

but with a great name like “PORNOGRAPHY: WEAPONIZED DEGENERACY” I got a DOUBLE BONER and downloaded it IMMEDIATELY for listening very soon on a powerwalk! they just should not have put “her” wearing that in the thumbnail. jeez she is so ugly in that picture it undermines all of our credibility hahahahaha. still anything about PORNOGRAPHY: WEAPONIZED DEGENERACY HAS to be a good talk, good lesson, good message.

 

really you should listen to the three hour mix three times a day hahahahahahaha

when we were young, once in a great while we would find a song that was so mind blowingly awesome that we made a “mix cd” of that one song on repeat for 74 minutes.  this one would definitely qualify! although I was not aware of it at that time unfort. Oh I knew about the movie but had no interest in it and had no knowledge of the music.

here is one of those songs hehehe. for some reason we gravitated to ridiculous 80s style “cock rock.”

i am shilling for red ice today. now i dont like how this guest woman dresses like a HOOKER with the eye makeup and earrings and showing the tits, but uh i will try to listen to this one as well. but yeah even though henrik and lana are All Right, sometimes they do have weirdass guests who are jooish or antiwhite hahahaha so just because somebody is ON red ice doesnt mean they are automatically good.

but yeah what red ice is doing, creating their own alt right, pro white media platform/network, is exactly what whites need to do. create a white, joo-free media. our own news, our own tv and radio, and of course podcasts are a great part of this, and its already happening, THANK GOD.

yeah i know red ice did weird alex jones conspiracy shit years ago, but i forgive them hahahaha.

henrik and lana just need to have 3+ children and hire some white men to do red ice.

i would become a sustaining member of red ice but their prices are too damn high hahahahaha.

65 euros a YEAR?  that is like 66 dollars a year. i would maybe do 20.

i mean they DESERVE it, i just cant/dont want to dnate that much!

i mean its more for ME than THEM, so i can FEEL GOOD about myself, and really i need all of THAT i can get!

there is this catholic church sorta near me that is geared towards polish people, and i hear that polish catholics are some of the most hardcore Based Catholics hahahaha. they are proud of their polish blood and dont have open arms for a bunch of screaming asians and mestizos and browns and arabs which you see in many cath churches. plus i have some polish blood and love poles. love them. would love a nice polish gurl for a qt 3.1488 waifu. poland is definitely a top tier european country.

problem is this place doesnt just have one polish mass a week, they have nothing BUT polish mass and EVERYTHING is in polish, church website, church bulletin/newsletter.

actually this is not a problem at all, this is a fookin BENEFIT. cuz it means they are traditional and old school as fook.

so i could just go there and be like

¯\_ツ_/¯   ¯\_ツ_/¯     ¯\_ツ_/¯     ¯\_ツ_/¯     ¯\_ツ_/¯       ¯\_ツ_/¯      ¯\_ツ_/¯

and say dzien dobry, jak sie maz (????), sto lat, dzienkuje, boze dobry, boze dobrze rzarzarzarza, ja nie movi polakiu, and then they would say oh look hes trying, how nice, then they could hook me up with their 19 year old virgin daughter who could teach me polakiu hahahaha and i could put babies in her for 14k a year hahahahaha.

sheeeeeeit those women are TOO GOOD for me!

乁(⏓ ͜つ⏓)ㄏ

2016-12-03-20_36_03-cardamom-0-02_0-04-no-limit-holdem-replay-13464295

this fookin guy makes a huge raise when he flops a pair of 8s. glad i agressively went all in instead of thinking he had AA and folding! or 88 or 66 or 22 hehehe.

no thats not 7 dollars and 45 cents, thats .00745 btc, which is…. 5 dollars and 71 cents. YIKES. well the price of BTC has gone up pretty steadily since i started playing this shit like 2 years ago.

so yeah if i had any BALLS like a REAL MAN i would have gone to this polish church 11 fookin years ago!!!!!!!

fooking reddit relships and their different secs BEST FRIENDS. you shouldnt have a BEST FRIEND who is the opposite sex!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

and IM the weirdo and sexist and hateful racist violent trump supporter for thinking this!!!!!!!

or IM weird because i think open relationships are shitty and bad. im being too judgmental and intolerant of peoples valid choice.

well to be fair, reddit says that MOST people

dec 4

 

i am gradually warming up to emily youcis. normally i am very very very very suspicious of women in the movement, but she doesnt seem TOO bad. plus i immediately get more sympathy for the women once they LOSE something like their job or their freedumz. and so she was recently fired by k1ke company aramark (i applied for office clerk job there, no response hahaha) after working for 7 years selling pistachios at the baseball stadium. fired for “social media” reasons.

yeah i mean maybe this was part of her plan and she’s prob not gonna go homeless or sucking dick for a place to stay (not that most women dont already do that anyway hahahahahahahahahaha)

anyway. so i am always judging women for being hookers and sluts and wh0res and promiscuous and degenerate, but in the end, do those things really impact me directly? why do i hate sluts so much? that woman wasn’t a slut! she hurt me through ways that did not involve sluttiness AT ALL!

yeah well in the PAST ive def been hurt by women who were into the slutty casual sex mindframe. also i just find it very distasteful and immoral and degen and a sign of the cultural and spiritual degen which we must fix in our people. and yes it represents something i WANT but cant seem to get, which is given away so freely to Everyone Else but I am fundamentally broken and unable to obtain.

and also i am judgmental against the things that that woman DID do, like avoiding shit like a coward, i dont like that either hahaha.

ok well here’s a good point: at least i never really became a beta orbiter friendzone!!! or if i did, it ended pretty damn quickly!

it kind of proves that i basically will not LET MYSELF become a pathetic supplicating beta orbiter. i eventually have to rip the bandaid off and be like, here’s the obvious truth which i can’t believe you’re not seeing. I CANT GO ON THIS WAY hahahaha.

going to church on sunday today instead of saturday. going to church that is probably better than the one i usu go to. less cucky and marxist and antitrvmp and leftwing. less cucking for DIVERSITY and UNITY and VIBRANCY and all that shit. shit no wonder that church is full of weird asians and this other church seems to have more whites. shit why dont i just go to this other church regularly. or go to that damn polish church. IT DOESNT MATTER that i dont speak polish. i could learn and besides them speaking polish is a YUGGGGGGGGGGGE value add!!!!!!! its a GREAT thing!

yep starting new 13k job tomorrow. kind of a big deal. nervous. dont want to screw it up. dont want to look like a WEIRD IDIOT. just want to do a good job. not just a good job, but a GREAT job and really impress everyone.

sheeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeit i should have been getting BOOKS related to my NEW FIELD the instant i knew i was hired, and devouring those books to get a good frame of reference, big picture view, maybe some small picture view too, reading the books The Director reads for his PhD, which is of course related to his masters degree and what he does now, The Department, what books are most relevant to this job and this department, thought leaders, bla bla. i quickly bought a book right now so that i could say i at least placed my order for the book before i started the job hahahaha but why i didnt do this 2 weeks ago so i could have had the books and started reading them by now…….hmm maybe i am not serious about making 13k a year with no benefits, maybe WALMART would be a better fit with my career skills.

dumped because he couldnt read the gurls stupid mind. i GUESS shes ENTITLED to dump him for whatever stupid reason she wants, but when the reason is THAT stupid, just candy coat it and dont GIVE an exact reason. i mean thats just a BAD REASON. just say I’m not compatible with you. it’s not you its me. that would be better than saying some stupid ass shit like that.

hehe i made the mistake of initially assuming the “best friend” OP of the gurl was another gurl. hehehe. sounds like he is deeply in luv with her and is in complete denial. but not looking at that, she still should not be Ghosting her friends.

i mean this guy is cringey and beta orbiter AF, and theres a very important lesson to learn there, but she still shouldnt be Ghosting him like a coward, throwing away 3 years of friendship, and getting her new bf to laugh at him and call him pathetic (which he is.)

dont be like this pvssy phaggot. but at least he is getting a CS degree so he might be making 30k a year by age 22. that is a pretty good move.  i mean its still risky because i worked with CS grads doing the exact same phone bullshit as me.

bonus points for OP having mad anxiety and panic attacks that feel like heart attacks and he is so confused hhahaha.

better when you are 21 than 31!

then reddit shreds this kid for being a sexist, creepy niceguy, which he kind of IS, but this ISNT the way to deal with that. you have to show some sympathy for these poor sad bastards. theyre not the bad horrible people you think they are !!!!!!!!

he doesnt need to “RESPECT” her wishes because they’re not respectable. just use the word ACCEPT. ACCEPT her stupid, unrespectable wishes, and let her get fooked by chad. the end.

grieve and have legitimate suffering because your friend of 3 years didnt give a DAMN about you as a human being. i feel your pain man. that sucks. this is the sympathy he’s not getting ANY of and he should.

anyway. i wish you COULD be Just Friends with a woman before Dating and Fooking and Relshiping them, because unless I am Friends with a Woman, i really just dont LIKE them. the way they approach Relships is degenerate and infuriating. I just dont like it. rustles the shit out of me.

I wish you COULD get to know a woman as a friend, be like this is a really good person and i like them, maybe I can try a deeper rel with them, i think they would make a decent GF or wife. i wonder if she will be willing to try that.

NOPE. NEVER WILL. thats what the friendzone is hahahaha. if you dont fook her like a n1993r within 2 days of meeting her, you dont have a chance with making her your GF or wife.

i just hate how the J’s are dumbing us down and jooing us down and morally corrupting us all down into n1993rs.

If you don’t like the word n1993rs, just call em animals. they are turning us all into filthy, dumb, dirty, disgusting ANIMALS.

I AM NOT AN ANIMAL!!!! I AM A HUMAN BEING!!!!!

anyway yeah this reddit niceguy hate is just way out of line. niceguys arent THAT bad. have some damn SYMPATHY for them. save some of that judgment for the women, who in many cases are being huge bitches to the niceguys.

but yeah this guy needs to stay away from this gurl, and there needs to be more blame directed at HER.

when you are begging and bribing somebody to hang out with you. it IS pathetic tho! but its SAD. he doesnt even REALIZE hes in LUV with her. at least I REALIZED that. and i STOPPED contacting her eventually. let her run off and fook animals.

and yeah it would help that guy to go to a shrink, but good lord dont tell him you are SUPER FOOKED UP and must see a shrink NOW if you have any chance of not being a horrible person. they hate these nice guys almost as much as they hate TRVMP or WHITE PEOPLE.

i was thinking in an ideal world, i would just get a dr to prescribe me Medical MJ for Despair and Anxiety, just like getting an RX for Citalopram and Valium. Which I have already gotten RX’s for.

so in an ideal world, despair and anxiety would be legal medical Qualified Conditions for MMJ.  but they arent.

anyway i was thinking, go to semi shady MMJ doctor and be like listen, so i dont have cancer or back pain like most of the people, but i dont want to bullshit you and say i have CARPAL TUNNEL pain when i really dont, but here’s something I REALLY DO HAVE, and have taken RX’s for YEARS to PROVE it, i know they arent TECHNICALLY conditions, but…..hey i’ll buy ya dinner right now, you’re pretty hungry from writing recommendations all day arent ya goy? bubby?

the thing is, i could say that my TREATMENT for OTHER CONDITIONS causes SPASMS, and then i could get MMJ for that. yeah but it doesnt. but i think citalopram causes spasms for some people hahahahaha.

basically the TREATMENT for something Unqualifying, gives me a Backdoor into Qualifying.

but not really, because this treatment doesnt cause spasms or severe pain!

https://www.reddit.com/r/altright/comments/5e7rbu/emily_youcis_animator_of_alfred_alfer_ama/

meh i guess i will approve of emily, she seems to be sincere. hope her animation bcomes less degenerate and she seems to be aware that by joining the alt right and becoming pro white, you kinda HAVE to hold yourself to a higher moral standard and actively purge the degeneracy from your own life.

but she’s only been into this for less than 6 months! i have been into this for like 6 years!!!!!!!

heh i dont really care as long as she is sincere and doesnt stop being pro white. she talks about losing friends and such and purging people. this is good.  purge the dead weight and bad influences from your life. Traditional Morality will alienate you from degenerate animalistic losers. you dont want them to be your friends anyway.

fine i will HUHWHYTE KNIGHT for emily even though shes probably taken MILES AND MILES of dick, prob even nonwhite (no real proof.) but i am willing to forgive, if there is TRUE repentance.

well i dont really like these super big bewbs gurls plus she will probably start to get very potato looking when she gets older. but at age 26 right now she is pretty qt, would hang out with hahahahahahahaha.

i mean better late than never amirite. im no saint myself. you know what they say, all saints have a past and all sinners have a future!

i went to this other church this morning and it was 100000000000000 times better than the one i usually go to. not only was it less boring and faster, there were a lot more whites, some qt young white women as well! i mean i already KNEW this for at LEAST a YEAR!!!!!

like the priest at my regular church, nice guy, good guy, but a pathetic cuck shitlib who is soooo shocked at the hate and racism and intolerance of the whitelash, and desperately wants to overcompensate and Reach Out to Mudslims to show them Not All White Christians are hateful rednecks.

whereas at the other church, no mention of this stuff, just a bunch of happy white people, including many under-40’s.

all the whites at my usual church are well over 40 hehehehe. plenty of nonwhites.

shit. starting NEW JOB tomorrow. have been doing laundry. planning on bringing 1 dozen donuts tom morning. ask people about their families. ask about what are good books for me to read about this field. i am already reading bla bla by bla bla. here’s some donuts. do you guys drink coffee? i can bring in some folgers, i have some extra folgers at home. sorry its not top shelf, but i can bring in a little top shelf closer to xmas. heres some donuts in the meantime. how many kids u got. where are they going to college? tell me about your graduate program. what do you think about the 14 words hahahaha. so how about that election hahahahaha.

can i take a tough phone call right now? what are the toughest problems you get in here from your “customers”? whats the best way to bullshit them and give them the runaround and say it cant be fixed, it is what it is, you dont have to like it hahahahaha jk i know we go above and beyond for our clients wink wink nudge nudge amirite?

besides, everybody knows that when “it is what it is” just wont cut it, you have to bring out it is what it IS what it is what it is. then that fixes everything. that explains everything. that gets angry people to say OH NOW I GET IT, im so sorry for being such a huge bitch. now that i realise that it is what it IS what it is!!!!! see before, i was thinking it IS what it is.

mother fooking phaggot cvntz hahahaha.

i was thinking i dont DESERVE a woman Without A Past, because IIIIII have a past myself!!!!!!!!!!!

ok fine, but i DO insist the woman is TRULY REPENTANT of her degenerate past! says I am ashamed of my past, i never want to have another abortion, or fook another nonwhite, or have any more casual sex!!!!!! its disgusting and here’s why! I REGRET doing all that.

rather than someone that says oh that makes me who i am, i’m not ashamed, i have no regrets.

GOOD PEOPLE HAVE REGRETS.

shit I have tons of regrets, tons of shame, tons of remorse and repentance for all the degenerate animal shit IVE done. so I DO want THAT much from muh formerly degenerate waifu hahahaha.

if you dont have regrets, I DONT WANT TO KNOW YOU hehehehe.

the bad shit youve done SHOULD be regretted.

muh dbt book says to try not to be judgmental. notice all the times you make a judgment throughout the day, bad OR good, and just let them float away like leaves on a stream.  just observe stuff mindfully and without judgment.

this struck me as kinda weird. i can see trying to stop your bad judgments, but the good ones too?

i mean i make 148800000000000000000000000000000000000000000 negative judgments a day. every damn person i see i judge them. i was sitting in church watching the nice white people coming back from communion and i was judging each and every one of them harshy: fatty. f4ggot. dirty dago. ugly. fat slob. pig. dog. disgusting animal. sissy. nice haircut phaggot. nice manbun phaggot. nice potato shaped body. your kids are brats. your wife is a slut. you have dyed hair, you must be a slut. how many cox you take. how many black guys. how many abortions. wow, fat AND a smoker, youre in great health, you no self discipline weakling.

i mean its truly ridiculous how many negative judgments i make about people, many many many times a day. so YEAH i AGREE, trying to be conscious of that and not doing that would be a GREAT step for me.

really i am nowhere NEAR as HATEFUL and judgmental when i am with actual real people. i always think the best of them.

but from a distance, when i am alone just thinking of people in the abstract, or people watching people from a distance, god damn, its a hugeass hatefest!!!!!!

no not violent hate, but still very bitter butthurt negative pessimistic cynical recrimination!

and WHAT DOES IT GET ME?

HOW DO I BENEFIT?

WHAT GOOD DOES IT DO ME?????

NOTHING!

at a more moderate level, it would have been a natural response to people who have hurt me in the past with slutty or immature or fat or ugly or irresponsible behavior.

but the healthy way for me to do that is to say, ok, here are some red flags to watch out for, but im not gonna look for those red flags in EVERYBODY, and im sure not gonna get MAD about it if they havent done anything to ME.

but yeah. its like my automatic reaction to seeing a person, is to have a NEGATIVE JUDGMENT about them. this is not good!

fat, ugly, slut, phaggot, degenerate. usually one of those. douchebag, asshole, bitch, weirdo, autist, spazz, moron.

i cant stop judging people hahahahaha.

STILL, i INSIST that its worse for women to go out there and let themselves be used as pieces of sex meat, that it is for pathetic omega virgins to jerk off to jooish porn. because in one you have essentially two people hurting each other, in the other, you have one loser hurting himself.

but dont get me wrong, porn is horrible and i am ASHAMED and REGRETFUL that i ever looked at it. well, that i looked at it so MUCH.

and tbh, i was only a little above average i think for American Men Of My Generation. Many men are much, much worse. i was nowhere NEAR a Porn Addict.

hmm sorta watching this movie the lost weekend, i mean i had watched this intently a few years ago, and i think after i stopped drinking as well, and had gained some Understanding of the Baffling Cunning “Disease”, and i still found the movie disappointing and corny, and for some reason it seems better now.

i mean ive been on the straight and narrow path here for the last damn 7 years basically. no booze, a little bit of MJ though. not enough imho hahahahahahaha. gradually became more Alt Right, more JQ, less degen, more principled, just a better person hahaha. although unfort more of a virgin neet loser too hahahaha.

well its been up and down tho. ebb and flow.

was driving home and saw this fat guy and his fat wife in my neighborhood who are always sitting in their backyard smoking cigarettes and being fat, and i thought wow, fat and smoking, good choice buddy, and then i thought ok i shouldnt JUDGE him, he very well could be a very very very nice kind man, very courageous, very strong. nobody is perfect, me neither, and so he just happens to be a fat smoker. nobodys perfect and what if he’s very very nice.

how often do i need to bring in donuts? i dont want to more than once every 2 weeks.

you gotta ask the right questions. what if i ask the WRONG questions? what if i ask DUMB questions???!!?!

so show them i am smart by quoting Big Thought Leaders in this Education Related Field. I read some education books right? hehehe yes the only education books i read were “dumbing us down” by gatto and “the unschooling handbook” by some woman.

both very anti establishment sort of stuff. but which may be considered moer establishment in 2016.

i mean i really SHOULD be more interested in the Field of muh job. which all I will say it is SOMEWHAT education related.

so yeah i think education is bullshit ahhahahahahhahahahaha. all education should be handled by parents.

yeah well what about college level stuff. the job im doing COULD ACTUALLY BE LEGIT USEFUL to a HUHWHYTE NATION as regards “homeschooling” college/grad level material to Learners. It’s GOOD because it can put you into direct contact with Experts and Instructors while minimizing the JOOISH DEGEN (((((COLLEGE EXPERIENCE))))), i will just say that.

MINIMIZING IT!

so yeah this is actually a REALLY good position to be in and i shoul dbe  MOAR grateful!

maybe i should bring bagels instead of donuts? i mean i will actually eat bagels later if people dont eat them all. its easier to save and eat bagels later than donuts.

now you could still use this technology to deliver jooish marxist frankfurt skool degeneracy and mindkilling soulkilling poison into the brains of students, but again, its just a TOOL, that can be used for good OR for bad.

if it helps even one white neet get a good paying job one day, then its worth it.

so in a way, i am working in support of my Dream Career by Helping White Neets.  UP FROM NEETNESS.

well, if they are doing education, technically they are not a neet then hahahahahaha. well how about neets who are only involved in education, because its a LOT easier to go to college than to Get A Job. you just pay shitloads of money (take out loans) and go to some shitty school hahahaha.

honestly just go to your local community college. i PROMISE you its not THAT shitty. better than fookin DEVRY. talk about fookin SKYPES.

besides, to get a good job, you cant just have book knowledge and do good in online college courses. you have to be good with PEOPLE. CUSTOMERS. you have to have MAD CHARISMA and not be autistic!

so how do all these autists get jobs?

uhh the ones that dont get stem degrees from good colleges DONT! they become neets!

so would i feel more comfortable lying to the MMJ doctor about Carpal Tunnel or Back Pain, or Lying about getting Spasms from the meds i take for muh Severe Despair?

great now the poor beta orbiter kid who was in love with his female friend was bullycided into removing his post. because hes such a HORRIBLE PERSON. good lord they hate these pathetic niceguys more than they hate Raepists. seriously. right now he is probably blaming the shit out of himself for being such a horrible person. and he wont let himself grieve properly for a relationship that “didnt exist.” yeah well if he knew her for THREE YEARS it DID exist, no matter how close she felt to HIM, no matter what these degenerate bullies on /relships say.

THAT KID IS BACK ON THE ESCALATOR!

there is ANOTHER post about an opposite secs best friend at the top of the relships hotlist!

GUESS WHAT /R/RELSHIPS, WHEN YOUR “BEST FRIEND” IS THE OPPOSITE SECS, RIDICULOUS DRAMA ENSUES!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

i guess you can be “friends,” but to identify as “best friends”? HELL NO.

sheeeeeeeeeit tuff times buddy. im sure reddit will say he is a horrible person for thinking he is entitled to something.

yep sad shit man. well at least you can do your JOB and shit you got a NEW JOB within 8 months of getting heartbreakingly dumped! so id say youre doing pretty well. just work 80 hours a week at your new job and smoke MJ the rest of the time. use MJ to bribe tinder wh0res into nihilistic secs hahahaha.

did i get jealous because they were leaving me, or did they leave me because i was getting jealous?

i think i kept my jealousy under wraps PRETTY DAMN WELL until it became clear they were pulling away from me, talking to other guys, and then i’d say i had a PRETTY GOOD REASON to get jealous hehehehe.

so yeah i dont eer push women away because i am “THE JEALOUS TYPE.”

heres a good quote from this one:

”   [–]PaHoua 4 points 49 minutes ago
If you’re the one broken up with, it is very likely you’ll take much longer to move on than the dumper. That person has already been “mourning” the loss of the relationship for a long time and when they finally came to terms with it is when they decided to commit to the action of dumping you.
Think of it like the five steps of grief: 1. Denial; 2. Bargaining; 3. Anger; 4. Depression; 5. Acceptance.
When she reached Acceptance, you weren’t even aware of what was to come. Then she dumped you. You moved into Denial.
This happened to me. I moved back and forth between all of the stages until I got into Acceptance. He was dating within weeks and probably earlier, whereas I remained in between stages for a couple of years.
It takes as long as it takes. That’s all anyone can tell you.     ”

wow a woman saying something very reasonable hahahahaha

 

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WHY IS POPULISM BAD

nov 19

ok this post should be shorter, hahaha. 4000 words max

i always liked jack lemmons uptight, nerdy, supplicating, neurotic style. it seems pretty jooish but i dont know if he was a joo. varg LETS FIND OUT.wav

” He was the only child of Mildred Burgess LaRue (née Noel) and John Uhler Lemmon, Jr., the president of a doughnut company.[2][3] His paternal grandmother was from an Irish immigrant family.[4]    ”

looks like not a joo. thank god hahaha.

yeah i mean i wish a bigboy FT job had picked me rather than this littlegurl PT job, it puts me back into the same conundrum i had when i was 26 except im not a young man of 26 anymore! but the good news is it lets me fix the GAP, and its also guaranteed not to give me a nervous breakdown hahaha. i just cant start any drama with WOMEN, and also i cant lose sight of the fact that i have to move on from there fairly quickly. ideally i would get a ft job with the same company.

i was very often trying to work for and win womens approval. with That Woman, at the beginning, i wasnt working at all. i mean i was doing shit, but i wasnt struggling and scheming and planning and strategizing and calculating and overthinking. we just got along veyr well and beause of that she liked me and i liked her. but not in that way. yet.

and then when i DID start liking her in that way, it all became that damn chess game where i had to figure out How To Make Her like me back.  it is an exhausting struggle that i have NEVER won.

but yeah either the woman likes you or she doesnt. either she s going to going to give you a chance or not.

and even when i have gotten as far as making out or Casual Dating with a woman…….it wasnt really HARD. there was enough Natural “Chemistry” or attraction to get me THAT far……but no further.

new crowbar album november 2016 “the serpent only lies”. i always liked crowbar but my peak with them was “oddfellows rest” in 2000! great album, possib muh fav of theirs. since then i havent been following them too much just because they are always releasing albums.

yeah EXCEPT they went on a solid hiatus for like 6 years while kirk focused on down. and since down is not looking super hopeful, i am glad he is doing stuff with crowbar.

i mean crowbar is very HONEST and SINCERE and REAL and keeps it REALLY REAL and there is absolutely nothing PHONY about them.

also i really dont think kirk is a joo. some white power guy on the internet has him on a list of joos but i doubt this.  mean his lifestyle is total working class white guy whitelash.

i know he had some struggles with drinking but not super hard drugs or anything. i wonder if he smokes MJ every day like a degenegro. PROBABLY hahahaha. now he just gets raging drunk less. i dont think he quit drinking altogether.

so yeah he’s not a model aryan ubermensch, just a flawed normie, and i believe his heart is in the right place, and i can respect someone who has an Instantly REcognizable Musical Style, which he does. no one else in the world sounds like this. he is Not Derivative at all. he’s been doing that for 30 years. he is all about good riffs and good songs and very honest unpretentious lyrics about being Tuff and Overcoming Adversity. how can you dislike that?

his main flaw is basically just getting sloppy drunk, or at least he used to, and i hope he doesnt anymore.

i dunno i did see down like 3 times with him and….he was one of those guys that probably could get totally fooked up and still play very well.

technically once i was face to face with him and said hello and shook his hand hahahahaha.

i was in this same situation 2 years ago with their previous album: oh i like and respect crowbar, i will always give crowbar a chance, i wish i was more familiar with their later stuff.

maybe their later stuff just isnt as GOOD hahahaha.

i dunno, on the surface it certainly doesnt seem BAD!!!!! i mean its textbook crowbar!

but yeah albums like “broken glass” and “oddfellows rest” had a MAGIC for me, and i am wondering if thats because crowbar had more MAGIC back then, or I had more magic back then when i was young and innocent.

but yeah even if i cant REMEMBER any of the last 5 crowbar albums, i will always respect what they do.

also i think kirk became RELIGIOUS with their 3rd most recent album hahahaha. like CATHOLIC i think. which is bretty kewl imho. wish he talked more about that. figured it would be more of a controversy.

anyway i just hope he is a good father to his child/ren. i know he has at least one.

i know that he was married and was divorced. was she a piece of trash? was it because he was drinking too much?  what about the children?

anyway, as with all white men, i hope he is trying not to be a drunk degenerate, and is being a good father. the fact that he can write such honest music is a signal that he has good intentions.

yeah the road to hell is paved with good intentions, but they mean something to ME at least hahahaha. better to have good intentions than not, i say. its worth SOMETHING.

had dream last night that i was in AUSTRALIA with a group of people including TWO of the young qt women i used to work with when i was 26 to 30 hahaha. yeah and That Woman was a third woman of those. i only meet qt women at muh job hahahaha. thankfully That Woman was not in the dream. but woman2012 was! and also this other qt dark haired gurl that got married kinda young.

dont remember much about the dream other than near the end, i was kinda getting ostracized from the group. or i was being a dick and i ostracized myself. either way, i no longer had a chance with either of those two women. that sucked hahahaha. just wanted some cuddle and make out and hang out and romance action. i only had good intentions. i didnt want to use anybody for casual bullshit.

so i would have dated 2 girls at once? yeah but i would have been honest about it hahahaha. and if foreced to choose i would prob choose woman2012 because she had longer legs and a bigger ass hahahahahahahahahahahaha

and then tell the other gurl, SORRY for hurting your feelings, youre a good person, you wont have ANY PROBLEM finding a decent man.

they are finally coming out with the black metal lords of chaos and they are having a guy named COHEN play varg vikernes hahahahahaha. WOW. i wonder what he will say about that.

yeah i mean i will probably watch it just for fun, im sure it will be horrible. but hopefully FUN at least.

darkthrone told them NO you cant use our logo or our music. i respect anyone who can turn down free shekels like that.

but i also think, well, they have lives and families, and the shekels could HELP them!

but the movie does sound really really really jooish hehehe.

i would totally let darkthrone play a show for 100 grand tho. that is MUCH less jooish.

play the show, give the money to your kids, build a home in the country far away from the urbanite, raise 5 kids like varg in the country. be like varg. varg should play a show for 100 grand hahahaha. he could say whatever he wanted and then never get invited back because he would hopefully say a ton of antis3m1t1c and pro-white stuff!!! hahaha.

or not play ANY songs, and just give a pro-white speech for hours hahahaha. well i would want him to play songs though haha.

and all the drunk degenerates would be like boooo racism. i mean really. its pearls before swine.

so have the show be a very exclusive alt right invite only thing, where you can onyl get invited if you pass an interview process proving your pro white bona fides. then they could raise money from rich successful white pro-whites to give to varg. might not be as much as some jooish festival promoter tho hahahaha.

unrelated but this album could also be good. epic atmospheric pagan black metal with some celtic angle and great cover art hahaha. also brand new. i guess i am into super newly released music again. thanks deathspell omega hahaha.

yeah this sounds very promising, little long tho

plus i like the scots hahahaha

got those whistles and flutes and bagpipes, very nice, i will accept this in muh atmoblack hahahaha he is a nationalist but doesnt quite realize it yet hahaha.

i think me MIGHT be an american but he moved to scotland. glasgow. not sure if the guy from panopticon (austin lunn) plays drums on this like he did for saor’s last album “aura.”

no its a guy from this other scottish black metal band hehehehe.

ok andy marshall of saor does anoter scottish atmo black band called fuath, good job buddy, writing 2 albums of epid 16 minute songs, in 1 year hahaha. he also had bands before saor called askival and in vino veritas. dunno guess i just like the idea of SCOTTISH BLACK METAL hahahaha and this guy is pretty much the biggest name in it.

(shit i saw a picture of him where he had big faggy ear gauges. seriously. kids in 2016 still do this. never understand that shit. DEGENERATE. )

well with me and music, i kinda have to go where the spirit takes me. its not supposed to make sense or be logical or even necessarily good music hahahaha.

welp listened to that crowbar album, it sounded exactly like crowbar. their sense of consistency is something you make a good natured joke about at this point. hey i dont really want them to do anything different, just make good songs. well i mean for example i know kirk is a big led zeppelin fan, so why dont they write a song with some LZ influences? also i would like to see more Mellow and Clean Singing songs, because he has a GREAT clean voice, spine chilling. they started doing occasional Clean songs in 1999 hahahah so its nothing really NEW.

heh. you know whos NOT degenerate? GARTH BROOKS. thats right. i decided i should really start listening to garth brooks. hes not part of this super faggy new school of jooified “country” and he is a nice family man who retired from a super popular career to spend more time with his kids. and now that his kids are grown, he’s coming back a little bit, playing more shows.

hes a little bit SILLY of a guy but i think thats because he genuinely enjoys life in a non degen way hahaha.

and he is a very good performer.

george strait would also be acceptable to listen to hahahaha.

i thought this shit was corny and lame during the 90s, but it was probably the least degen popular music available in the nihilistic 90s, and also country music got much much much much much much much worse over the next 20 years!

ok so my new  job goal is to write as many super duper detailed, epic, heroic, miraculous WORK STORIES as possible. get at LEAST 10. so i can have a RAFT of SUPER DETAILED, SUPER AWESOME STORIES chock full of specific detail in future interviews.

i had some work stories now, but the key thing that i forgot to do back then, was WRITE THEM DOWN AS SOON AS THEY HAPPEN, DAY OF, AS MANY DETAILS AS POSSIBLE, and then you can always edit it later.

and you SHOULD edit it later, to make yourself look smarter and better. the important thing is that there are a TON of details.

get at least ten of these stories and you should then be able to interview your way into a better job. maybe be worthy dating women that almost look as good as transsexual men hahahahahahahahahahaha

hey they are plenty of terrible looking transsexual men, they arent all think young feminine looking qts hahahaha, some of them actually look like big burly crowbar esque men ahhahahahaha.

i cant believe i didnt write down work stories before. i had so many of them! i know i TALKED about them into my recorder. i could do back and listen to those tapes and then write the stories out. but apparently i didnt want to do that!

it would have been better to smuggle out the case notes….but i stopped doing that a few months in.

so i could have done THAT from home, i had access to case notes from home, i could have just copied and pasted.

but i was so fried and burnt out and broken down, i couldnt even think of obvious, easy solutions like that.

shit just copy down the top 20% of interesting, weird, or detailed cases! just copy the weirdest ones!

wewlad just got down to lowest weight evar, 132 lbs. i mean its POSSIBLE i weighed less than this like 12 years ago!!!!! but not recently! and i am old as shit and at basically the lowest weight i have ever been! so thats good! i mean i could actually get away with GAINING weight at this point…..but i dont really want to do that.

USE YOUR WORDS TO COMMUNICATE. AND USE UNAMBIGUOUS WORDS, not words like “like” or “hang out.”

well at least she feels bad about breaking her bfs heart hahahaha. sounds like she feels REALLY bad about it hahaha. GOOD. YOU SHOULD hahahaha.

no sorta kidding, she shouldnt feel THIS bad if she made a good faith attempt to dump him in a sensitive way, without trying to add insult to injury.

“sounds like she didnt have much respect for your relship if she dumped you with a TEXT” hahahahahaha

yeah i THOUGHT she had MORE RESPECT for me than that

and i thought i knew her better than that.

sheeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeit.

still wanna sm0ke mad w33d.

still thinking about going to a SHADY ASS “doctor” in a dispensary on “doctor day”, saying i dont have any medical records, and that ive been getting persistent chronic pain in muh….back. carpal tunnel. then getting the card sent to a po box. then just let the po box expire once i have the card and i am buying tonnes of MJ hahahaha.

its like a prescription that NEVER RUNS OUT. that alone is rather unbelievable.

go to a doctor ONCE, have a card to buy drugs FOREVER. well, for 2 years. even still, could you imagine getting a 2 year prescription to buy as much Painkillers as you wanted? as much benzos as you wanted? for 2 full years! INCONCEIVABLE!!!!!

nov 20

sheeeeeeeeeeeit.

ok on my first day i gotta bring in donuts or bagels.

also gotta be dressed like a damn boss.

i dont think they wear suits every day there hahaha.

ok there is a 24 hour tim hortons nearby, so i can get some donuts and bring them in at 8 am hahaha

then they will judge and bullycide and abuse me for being uneducated, trump supporting and racist enough to buy such racist, hateful, bigoted donuts. donuts are what FAT BIGOTS like COPS eat.

i am being Silly but thats not far off from my usual line of Distorted Thinking, which has wrought massive anxiety and despair in muh life hahahaha

EVERYBODY HATES THE DESPERATE. nobody likes desperate people. employers, women, kool kids, winners. all shun and shame the desperate.

you know who LUVS the desperate?

JESUS! GAWWWDDDDD!!!!!!

so never forget that. when its lonely desperate you and the world is against you, JESUS is on your side. and LUVS you just as much as he luvs TRVMP.

hell yes i support jeff sessions for atty general. but the question is, how does he feel about joos. it could go both ways. some of these southern bigots luv joos and israhell and are not j wise at ALL.

SEE? ALL THOSE TRUMP SUPPORTERS ARE HUGE WHITELASH RACISTS!!!!!

no they arent, just the alt right subset hahahaha.

and at least half of them are polite and nice like neoreactionaries. and dont use hate speech like I do hahahaha.

so yeah i do not represent trvmp, nor do i represent the average trvmp supporter, who is probably WAY less racist than me hahahahahaha.

so whats the deal with jobs where they dont even tell you the salary range during the interview, you have to get to the second interview just to get a god damn IDEA, when its not a 60k a year job were talking about, its more like 30k job. you dont GET to be so circumspect about salary for a 30k job…….well yes of course you do!

but yeah being TOUGH, thats always been a problem for me. tough situations in life that SHOULD act as a crucible to toughen me up and make me into a better, stronger man…..i always break down and become a weaker, bigger loser.

anyway WOMEN. dont have such SHALLOW relationships. take PEOPLE more seriously. PEOPLE are important, relationships are important, intimacy is important. cuddling is SUPPOSED to build intimacy, sex is REALLY supposed to build intimacy, and women have this damn carousel of men, relships, sex, cuddling, motions of intimacy, and its all a lot of things that are SUPPOSED to be important or intimate, but they treat them like NOTHING.  its DISTURBING and SOCIOPATHIC hahahaha.

thats why they call it a RELATIONSHIP, because its all about RELATING to/with another person!

hmmm npi conference was yesterday. millennial woes looked like a slob in a purple t shirt and gray hoodie. looked like a real unemployable neet, looked like me lounging around the house hahahaha.

redice did a very nice stream of basically the whole event. THANK YOU redice.

i guess emily youcis got harrassed by antifa outside and sprayed with something.

i mean i dont like women in the alt right, but she has earned some cred for that i suppose.

ill still white knight more for alt right trannies than alt right women because the trannies are less of degenerate sluts than the women hahahahahah.

that proves it! Im a woman hater pure and simple and woman hating has no place in the alt right, in pro white, in a healthy society! this is MY PROBLEM that i need to FIX!

things that mean SO much to you, like cuddling, or making out, or fooking, or spending time with somebody, or having a rel with somebody, or being vulnerable and intimate with a person, it all means nothing to women! its all as meaningless as taking a dump!

i dont think they INTEND to be SOCIOPATHS! and isnt INTENT a big deal to me?

well….only to a point. if you cheat on somebody and say well i didnt MEAN to cheat on you, it just HAPPENED, one thing led to another…..yeah ok intent doesnt matter there. you have plenty of time to stop it.

i didnt intend to be a sociopath, i just acted like a sociopath in all muh relships and never tried to stop it.

nope, not all relships, just the ones with me!

i bring out the sociopath in all women hahaha.

no thats WRONG. NOT TRUE. woman2012 didnt treat me like a sociopath. That Woman didnt ALWAYS treat me like a sociopath.

havent you ever just RUN AWAY from something you couldnt handle? i ran away from College when I was 21 because I was like I Just Cant Handle This Any More. I should have done it at age 18 or 19! then immediately gotten Severe Treatment, 100000000000 mg of prozac, maybe some electroshock, then gotten a STEM/math degree at my prestigious univ, or gotten a stem/math degree at local less prestigious univ so i could stay at home and not be tempted by degeneracy, or at worst just gotten a business degree from local univ, or something. maybe being out of that environment would have been good. because i was tempted too much by the degen of MJ.

i still used MJ and alcohol when i was at home though……..

i dunno. i should gone to a shrink along with my 1000000000000 mg of prozac, and they could try to convince me to stop doing mj and alcohol. because i was too young for that shit.

http://www.wikihow.com/Be-Tough

https://www.google.com/#q=how+to+be+tough

ok read and understand. if you have a question, read it again until you understand. dont come looking for me to give you a free ride hahahaha. read and understand. youre an adult nao hahahaha.

If you could federally legalize MJ with a 35% tax on it……..then wouldnt it behoove the feds to legalize it?  theyd make billions of dollars on the taxes, more money than they make nao from…….what? booze being legal? but that money is going to booze barons, not politicians or govt!

also if MJ were legal, MJ barons could make a ton of money, as well as the govt taking 35% taxes on it!

not that I think taxes are good, i am just saying its a way to convince govt to make it legal, because THEY love taxes, and i would be WILLING to pay HEAVY taxes to have MJ legal and easily available.

im just trying to figure out why mj is still illegal. basically, both the govt And the Superrich Elites could make a TON of money off it being legal! so why dont they?

i mean they are probably GOING this way, it will just take 10 more years, cuz govt moves SLOWWWWWLY. except when legalizing phag marriage. that happened pretty damn fast hahahaha.

i mean most people can get MJ because its easy to get for social normies. they always know at least one person. the one person i sorta know is unable to do anything at the moment, so i have to wait hahahahaha.

well dont blame THEM!

im not tho!!!!! really!!!!

heh. that was another thing i lost when i lost That Woman.

maybe she really was just shady sketchy white trash that im better off without her in my life hahahaha. i mean she certainly thought SHE was much better off without ME in her life!!!!! and im not that shitty! seriously!!!!!!!!!

maybe her mind was so clouded and she made such bad decisions because she did MJ every day.

i also made very bad decisions and ran away from responsibilities when i was 21 largely because i did mj every day!

well she was older than 21!

21 its ok to be immature. 25, you should start thinking about adulting and being mature.

of course i am over 30 and still very immature.

but you can be immature in diff WAYS!!!!!

http://www.wikihow.com/Keep-Yourself-Calm-During-Tough-Times

heh. there should be a psych phd who writes a book on what happens to your Brain as you go Incel over 10 years.

i mean i dont really care about the SECS nearly as much as the general cuddling or intimacy or having a real REL with a woman.

the GFE, the EXPERIENCE of being with somebody special who is diff from a regular friend, or acquaintance, or family.

and women take these very special rels for granted, have many of them, treat them as replaceable and disposable. hahahaha.

no not all women. not even 51% of women hehehe.

hmm intradasting. no real point here other than to say he felt good when she broke no contact on his bday to wish him happy bday (she dumped him and it was very hard for him), he struggled in doing NC, and now she was sending this message, and he was like, i felt better know that i and the relship meant something to her.

now he says he doesnt want her back. i dont know about that!

standard stuff

hehehe his 22 yo gf has been with a LOT of guys. at age 22 i had only been with 1 gurl. at age 32 i had only been with 1 gurl.

always gets dumped by girls after a few dates or fooks and they see how INSECURE and NEEDY he is. well he is still young as shit, but this has apparently happened several times. oh well. at least hes not a virgin hahaha. maybe he needs a 10 year period of celibacy until he is 33 hahahaha.

heheh i hate thsi shit. she will dump him because oh im not good enough for such a good guy. but if this were a guy dating a gurl who was too good for him, she would dump him IMMEDIATELY and he would feel REAL bad. how do you think this bipolar OP would feel if her too good for her BF dumped her in a very insulting way, like yeah im way too good for you, you dont deserve me? she would be super devastated!

youre not allowed to be depressed if you got into a decent grad school at age 23. maybe if you got rejected and your only option was work at starbucks or get a devry mba and then become a team lead at starbucks. at best. i mean starbucks might be too good for you, they have health benefits ahhahahahahhahaha.

i also think its stupid that she was over me IMMEDIATELY, while its gonna take TWO YEARS for me to get over HER. go thru a little grief and pain. did i really mean NOTHING to you?

but yeah it doesnt bother me as much as it used to.

it doesnt mean it doesnt still bother me, almost every day!

just relatively less. and i THANK GOD for that.

well at least alt right is sticking as a word that means something to people. they use it on mainstream media to refer to far right white supremists, racists, anti semites hahahahaha. like those evil alt righters. no, not all trvmp supporters are radical racists like those ALT RIGHT people hahahaha.

so now i can be like yep im alt right, and i am looking for other alt right people to hang out with.

and people will say you deplorable racist bigot! or, hell yeah me too 1488! HAIL VICTORY!

and then we will get into a huge argument about phag enabling and religion and mj and me not being hyperborean ubermensch enough hahahahahaha.

yeah well it TOTALLY CAN take two years to get over someone. i dont think thats weird at all.

it just disgusts me that NO WOMAN goes two years without SECS. that even if they are Getting Over some other man, they are having Casual Secs with other men. All Women act like 6 months without secs is such a TRAGEDY.

NO. ITS NORMAL. TWO YEARS without secs while you get over somebody SHOULD be normal.

yeah TEN years is not normal i agree. but were not talking about 10 yers, were talking about 2 years.

anyway this thing is making me think All Women Always Treat All Relationships as Throwaway Meaningless Nothingness, and this is not true. it is CLASSIC COGNITIVE DISTORTIONS.

http://www.dbtselfhelp.com/html/cognitive_distortions.html

https://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/in-practice/201301/50-common-cognitive-distortions

like good lord. just swear off of secs with men for 6 months and use the damn dildos youre always talking about.

whats the deal with trumps dead brother (i heard he was a Drunk) and his 2 sisters? i have never ever seen them.

yeah so freddy trump was a kinda black sheep and died at age 43 of drinking. one sister is a fed judge, cant believe we havent heard from her. other sister was in banking? other brother was in family business and makes an effort to stay out of attention. i guess there is no issues between any of them.

ok good enough for me.

don jr drank a little during college but apparently got his act together and is now super successful winner with beautiful white children hahahaha.

hmmm ivanka trump is actually OLDER than me. but eric trump is not hahahahaha.

don jr got married in 2005 and had FIVE children in NINE years. the bad news is that his wife is HALF J00. DAMN. COME ON DON.

well at least its not as bad as ivanka and KUSHNER. im not even sure if they should have children. just dump kushner, marry a goy, have goy children.

so yeah his wife is half jooish. and supposedly tiffany trump is dating a jooish man. COME ON. COME ON DON.

how have i not looked into this?

oh is this a sick joke, eric trumps wife lara is full joo. SMDH.

ivanka the orthodox joo and kushner have THREE children. oy vey. what a shonde. its like annuda shoah!

so all of TRVMPS grandchildren are damn MISCHLINGS.

maybe this is a kamikaze strategy to End Jooish Lines? I have too many doubts about that to think it could possibly be effective. especially using your own children.  maybe they just arent joo wise. but how can they NOT be?

SON OF A BITCH.

also i wanted to ask, WHY IS POPULISM BAD?

because its racist?

because “POPULISM” is a codework for Working Class White Male Whitelash?

yeah pretty much.

now i dont like the idea of MOB RULE, but i dont think that what the MSM is getting at when they say “populist”, they just mean the scary evil racist bigot WHITELASH.

http://www.dailystormer.com/the-rise-of-the-white-lash/

welp if i dont make something of myself in the next 4 years, thats it. thats my only hope hahahahahaha. this is white males time to shine and if i dont take advantage of it, i am done hahahaha. white male privilege alone wasnt enough to make me a productive member of society. i need EVEN MORE because i am THAT bad. and here it is with trvmp hahaha.

yeah i should order a red trvmp hat already.

and hanging out with more trump supporters and especially alt right people in real life.

wearing a trvmp hat in public hahahaha.

how much and what kinds of tax would have to be placed on MJ to make it more profitable to the Powers That Be for MJ to be legal, rather than it to be illegal? 100% tax to feds AND 100% tax to state and maybe another 100% to city?

pay $400 for a $100 bag of MJ? yeah ok i might not pay that. i wouldnt pay more than 50% tax hahahaha.

but shouldnt that be enough?

i mean how much law enforcement resources are used to arrest and prosecute MJ growers, dealers, etc?

as opposed to more dangerous drugs like meth or opiates?

no one goes to prison for MJ anymore!

so whos making money on illegal MJ? Mexican Cartels? and the US Gov wants mexican cartels to continue making money because…….this i cant figure out. The Secret Truth.

because Cartels give Fedgov billions of dollars a year? how? bribes? who exactly are they bribing? it seems like it would be lower level frontline feds would be more suspectable to bribes than top dea directors, fed judges, fed higher ups.

so YOURE TELLING ME that these feds make more money in HIGHLY illegal BRIBES from MEXICAN CARTELS, than all of the fedgov could legally make by taxing MJ 35%? 40%? 50%???

i just find it very hard to believe.

 

NOT ALL WOMEN ARE LIKE THAT, ONLY HALF

sheeeeit

sept 24

what i dont like about medical MJ is that you get put on a State List. that law enforcement and WHO KNOWS WHO ELSE can get access too. employers doing background checks? fedgov? aren’t background checks done BY law enforcement?

also if you have an MJ card, you CANNOT technically legally own a Firearm/Pistol. (what about a hunting rifle?)

you have to officially send back and revoke your MJ card if you want to legally own a firearm.

i have lived in two different worlds, one where owning a gun is UNTHINKABLE, and another where owning a gun is PERFECTLY NORMAL, NO PROBLEM MAN. And I personally much prefer the latter hahahahaha. its WEIRD that people can take SUCH HORRIFIED OFFENSE to the MERE IDEA of owning a GUN. but believe me, they absolutely DO. they are DISGUSTED at the very IDEA that people – working class, uneducated, trump supporting, WHITE people – even CAN own guns.

so youd think there wouldnt be a lot of MJ card holders who ALSO even WANT to own guns…..but youd be surprised! in the normie real world, people do have a healthy apprecation of their 2nd amendment rights hahaha and i cant blame them! so do i!

in other words, I SHOULD get a gun, but I’m too lazy and keep putting it off and havent done it yet because i;m too lazy to comply with the law and jump thru the hoops and do the paperwork and talk to the police.

anyway i REALLY dont want to have my name on a state list for something that is federally ILLEGAL .

also REALLY what are they REALLY doing about driving and MJ in legal states? like DUI arrests? i havent heard SHIT about that, but Im SURE its a big thing.

well, ive heard a little bit about the market for MJ breathalyzer tech. and i agree. i would not mind investing in such a company. i wish i could just invest 20 bucks hehehehe.

google invest in MJ breathalyzer

http://www.theweedblog.com/no-one-should-invest-marijuana-breathalyzer-company-stock/

best clickbait title ever hehehehe

we arent sure the tech really works! they can short the stock!

i mean shit. i just want to invest 20 to 50 bucks. but one simply cannot do that.

http://www.cannabixtechnologies.com/investors.html

hehehehe

i guess i could use one of those trading websites? maybe? to buy stock in this canadian company?

i might make enough on a 20 dollar investment to pay for the FEE on the trade! but probably not hahahaha. i would be better off putting the money in the BANK to get .1% interest.

anyway it strikes me as NAIVE AS FOOK that all these pro-legalization MJ people and MJ has 0 recorded fatalities in history maaaaaan, completely bury their head in the sand regarding MJ related car crashes, even though they would certainly take huge notice to alcohol related car deaths!!!!

methinks the local police would make JUST AS MUCH OR MORE revenue arresting people for MJ DUI than they did arresting people for MJ possession and dealing etc back in the day.  I WONDER.

even WORSE, many MJ advocated think alcohol DUI is immoral and disgusting, but they think its JUST FINE to drive under the influence of MJ. “oh i do it all the time, IT DOESNT IMPAIR YOUR DRIVING.”

bullshit hehehehehe. saying that as someone who has done it more than several times!

nonetheless i still want legal MJ so i can go into the store and buy some!

but employers are STILL gonna test for it! and companies who random testing of all their employees will STILL do that!

but i do agree that MJ test needs to be developed that tells you WHEN the person last blazed. 1 day ago? 1 hour ago?

and also measures exactly HOW IMPAIRED you are.

heh. this is pretty much why i drank. because it was fun. recreation. it blocked out the negative feels. could get stupified. kinda the very similar reason i want to sm0ke MJ!!!!!!!!!!

basically, if i hadnt totally screwed up with alcohol, I would probably be drinking right now!!!!

and then i would probably drink to excess and get in trouble. like i did. it was basically inevitable.

heh. i dont abuse nyquil simply because it isnt as fun! you cant get totally out of your mind on nyquil, if you do, the aceto will K you!

i guess i could just take a bunch of sleeping pills that have no aceto hehehehe.

then you are tired all the next day, kind of a big hangover.

alcohol has a TERRIBLE hangover, but its ALMOST worth it. it isn’t, but its easy to convince yourself it is!

and then you have a terrible hangover the entire next day hahahaha.

maybe i should go to the black ghetto and try to buy MJ from some shady looking thug on the street hahahaha.

ctrl f does not work on the chrome bookmarks page.

it does, but only on the current SCREEN. if you have a list of 1000 bookmarks, its only gonna search the 30 bookmarks or so that are on the screen without scrolling.

yes there is a separate search box, but that does not highlight the results, so you dont know where to find it in the NORMAL list.

but of course on regular webpages, ctrl f searches stuff on the whole page. because heads would roll if it didnt. that is a feature request the devs simply could not ignore. the users would come and crucify poor level 1 phone monkeys.

white women acting like muh dick negro apes. its disgusting. have a longer time preference. have less of a desperate need for instant gratification. muh dick. muh uterus. muh cl1toris. muh tingles.

since i am on NO social media, i FORGET how ANNOYING average regular normie women are on social media. facebook, twitter, and, my point right now, stuff like okcupid and i assume tinder. dating social media. the things they say and the way they present themselves is annoying as fook. unattractive. disgusting. lip curling. you say good lord, what a terrible annoying personality, but i guess id fook that body. which is a degen negro way of thinking of course!

i guess just keep in mind women come across as more unlikeable than they are in RL, as they do on Social Media.

in other words, tell yourself, she’s PROBABLY more likeable in real life. probably. less annoying than she seems here.

cuz i remember when i used to look for women on okcupid, after like 15 minutes, i would get discouraged and think THIS is what i have to pick from? i guess i will have to settle for negro muh dickin cuz none of these women are rel worthy. i will never find a woman i actually like, and its prob better to settle for degen negro casual sex and have SOME contact and experience and fun with women, than be celibate the rest of muh life pining for some perfect angel!

this was the some nihilistic mindset i had before i got feels for That Woman. welp, i will never get feelings for a woman again, but i GUESS I would be pretty happy with meaningless casual negro sex, thats good enough. get a harem of 10 gurls, i could be happy with that. its not like im getting any now anyway. just bang bitches and maybe one day meet a decent one but dont COUNT on it. dont get disappointed when you dont find that.

yesh this is pretty degen, and that degen is a lot easier to see when you take into account your new goal of Having Children. you want the mother of your children to be a god damn whore? to ask the question is to answer it!

so yeah thats the difference between now and 2012. in 2012 i didnt really care about having children, in 2015 i do. that also makes the dumping harder. and makes it harder to settle for meaningless, nihilistic, degenerate muh dick transactional “relationships.”

i mean in 2012 i was still pretty darn pro white, mind you!

i refer to 2012 because that was the last dumping/heartbreak. which was not nearly as bad. oh life was good then. i got heartbroken but i still had an easy job and i didnt quit it. i didnt have a 14 month and growing gap on muh resume. i had a new female friend i got along with which proved to me that women were normal human beings and that I Had What It Takes to Get Along with Them.

yep just break it into little chunks. do one application a day. then 500 days & applications later, you might have a job hahahaha.

prob closer to 600 hahahaha.

well i did 4 applications today, 3 at this one company where it went REALLY quick, like 5 minutes each. simply had to upload muh resume (in my case, the 10 page behemoth document) 3 times and just changing the name of the job in the cover letter. which is prob bad because i need to do MOAR TAILORING of the cover letter than just the damn job title. but why im the BEST candidate for this IT department job or that Scheduling department job or That HR department job.

how does that woman do it. how does ANY normie do it. how are you the best at something that pays 13 an hour or above.

how come 80% of all jobs posted are not entry level jobs? they should hire from within! where are the entry level jobs posted? or are they not posted, and they all go thru temp agencies? but many temp agencies POST these jobs. and indeed i am very close to going down that route. just as long as it isnt doing tech support phones. where i have to beg and argue to get something escalated. shit if i could escalate on my own authority, that wouldnt be super bad. some places you can. you go over 20 minutes, then boom you have blanket permission. of course they will prob try to fire you because you go over 20 minutes to much and escalate too many cases “due to time.” well then hire some dumb 85 iq negro and see if THEY fix it in under 20 minutes. well they’ll just bullshit to get the person off the phone in 19 minutes without solving the issue. and that’s fine. THAT’s ok. leave the problem unsolved, as long as its less than 19 minutes. i hate that mindset.

sept 25

on EVERY website its pretty easy to FLAG or REPORT something to the moderators.

but not on INDEED! for example, a big financial services company (bank?) with a listing on indeed, sounds like a decent entry level job, but the apply link takes you to this other site, and that site looks kinda fishy, and makes you think it’s not really the company it says on indeed.

maybe its a temp job at that company. well they should say that. i mean this is essentially a fancy swiss bank and i would HOPE they would contract with more professional people.

also, if you can only get entry level jobs at big companies thru AGENCIES (for example, assembly line jobs with major big manufacturers)…………… how do you find out WHICH agency to apply to to find the jobs at Company A or B or C?

ok on that kriegsmaschine prism i linked a little while ago, that is NOT the same awesome mgla drummer as mgla has now. it is actually the mgla drummer they had BEFORE him….who is still pretty darn good! this guy also played on the “altered states of divinity” lp.

basically, im trying to say, kriegsmaschine changed a LOT over the years, and i probably prefer the older, blastier stuff. there is no blasting on their 2014 album with the genius mgla drummer darkside. which is a SHAME because he is an amazing drummer and i WANT to hear him blast like a madman. he does it occasionally with mgla, so i dont think he considers himself above it. there are also normie pictures of him on facebook and he is HANDSOME! I bet he has NO problem getting a qt innocent polish trad waifu!!!! jelly!!!!!

 

here is another polish bm band i should be paying a lot more attention to. including fast blasts, great drummer, good production, and lots of melodic riffs, and a sense of “creativity” and “original style.”

yeah ive known about them for like 2 years but never really gave them a fair listen. new music takes a lot of effort but this group seems to be worth it.

i mean there is SO MUCH BLACK METAL going on in poland right now, its AMAZING, its not just graveland only anymore folks. its possible poland is the #1 black metal country in the world right now. which makes me very happy since poland is one of my favorite countries period, always will be.

 

on this earlier album they sound a little more black metally maybe hahaha. not so postmodern and hipster hahahahaha.

 

ok i am tired of metal for the day. i want to listen to something chill. for some reason i came to this album. it is described as “post rock slowcore” but we will see. rather phaggy sigur ros style singing. which is not inherently bad. i mean who am i to crap on “agaetis byrjun”. i am not informed enough to tell if this is a blatant sigur ros ripoff or not.

 

i am looking for some slow chill kinda “SAD BASTARD” music. older red house painters would be perfect but RHP reminds me too much of That Woman, so, no go. no can do little buddy.

baby steps. do one thing a day. one application a day.  baby steps. i only did 3.6 miles of walking today. but got under muh calorie goal of 1200, and also the whole week averaged under 1200 for all days. not that i even NEED to lose weight. but I lost about 18% of muh body weight starting in jan 2016 and it has been noticeable.

mazzy star and hope sandoval, their shtick is pretty obvious, and you will know right away if you like it or not. normally i hate everything about women, but i do like her voice hahahahaha. like when i used to listen to cat power hahahaha. no i cant crap on cat power. even if she is a marxist whore. so is hope sandoval probably hahahaha. they’re all race mixers mud sharks hahahaha.

like varg vikernes’ 23 year old beautiful daughter who i shudder to think how many brown guys shes sucked and fooked in britain and norway hahahahahahaha.

o god. well theres an internet rumor that this qt 23 year old norwegian singer is vargs daughter, and it is a fact that he has a 23 year old daughter from some random woman when he was very young.

and yeah i am troubled a bit by him being a “deadbeat father” to this gurl.

also we dont know for sure that this girl IS his daughter. but she kinda looks like him. I mean varg is a handsome man even though he looks old and haggard now. but he cleans up very well. and i would imagine his daughter would be 8/10 attractive hahahaha. i wont even say the gurls name because i dont want to contribute to the rumor.

but she likes miley cyrus and likes attention and likes dressing up and getting made up and i know varg wouldnt allow that if he were actually involved in the girls life. but he couldnt be, because he was in jail for most of her life!

i guess he got a women preggers right before he went to jail and the woman did the unnorwegian thing by not getting an abortion, so thats good…..i mean damn thats a hard situation. damn.

also, until varg comes out and says this girl is not my daughter, or she comes out and says varg is not my father, the rumor is actually pretty plausible!!!!!!!

but im glad varg married a young woman and had 4 or 5 children with her and is very involved with that family!!!!!

but yeah if this beautiful 23 year old girl IS his daughter, then I REALLY hope she hasn’t mudsharked, and what the hell would varg have to say about that.

i say this all as someone who is a fan of vargs music AND his pro-white ideology hehehehehe.

TIL that if you eat a huge bowl of special k cereal with 2 cups of whole milk (4 cups / 124 g of cereal hahahahaha) that is 780 calories hahahahaha.

i just ate a 780 calorie bowl of CEREAL and i am still hungry hehehehehe.

well to be fair that was 5 hours ago hehehehe.

heh. i hate that idiots can be gainfully employed but i cant because reasons hahaha. because i get nervous in interviews and i have a huge gap hahahaha. if i were a qt 25 year old gurl it wouldnt matter.

well got one app done today at least. baby steps. bit by bit. infinitely better than 0 hehehehe. i mean i  did 4 the other day, 5 the other day. sheeeeit.

never been a huge death fan but shit. i first heard about death when “the sound of perseverance” CAME OUT, just to once again whine about my age.

at my current age i would lean more towards the less progressive death hehehehe. also where chuck sounds less like his balls have been cut off.

yes i am aware that chuck is 50% jooish. believe me i can never forget it.

new darkthrone album just came out. welp i do like the production on this album and for some unknown reason i am optimistic about this album. i probably should have been optimistic about their previous album.

listen im old enough to remember when “the cult is alive” and then “foad” came out. i was like hmm what are you doing here darkthrone. and i was interested but both albums were boring as hell, so i just ignored everything they did since then.

while “transilvanian hunger” and “panzerfaust” were all time favorites of muh youth. smoking MJ as a 17 year old and playing riffs from those albums.

so they went from classic, to FOOKING BORING AF.

so really, i kinda EXPECT them to be BORING AF, and I expect this album to get boring after 3 songs, but it DOES have a great production sound. hopefully there is plenty of culto screams. i didnt like that culto rolled back his screams and then fenriz started singing more songs.

also its weird that they refuse to play shows. i can see not going on long tours, but wouldnt it be FUN to play a SHOW once a YEAR in NORWAY?

I mean they both seem like basic metal normies, not too weird, probably a fair amount of degen in there. like fenriz should have some CHILDREN and not be listening to METAL all day. i guess he used to be married but he got divorced. maybe his wife was tired of being married to a manchild hahahahahahahahahaha no i have no idea.

maybe his wife was a masculinized norwegian wimmin. all i know is that she did some artwork for famous black metal albums like “bergtatt” and maybe “transilvanian hunger.”

i mean i dont HATE fenriz’s power metal vocals. and yeah the drum sound and guitar sound is GREAT on this new album. and culto sounds pretty good. but what about the RIFFS? too early to tell.

making a pot of Chili, felt some agency today. the big value add was that I added some BACON. maybe even too much. theres a lot of bacon fetishizing going on the past 10 years, but i cant really argue against it…..well yes the FETISHIZATION of ANYTHING I can argue against. But basically Im saying that Bacon IS good and makes just about anything better. but what about muh chili. we will see. I just tore it up and threw it in there with the ground beef, browned all the meats, added tomato sauce, beans, spices, and letting it all simmer on low for at least 2 hours.

ok does nocturno culto have any children? he better. i mean fenriz should too.

they know how to get a great sound though. and i am 90% sure this is just them in their “studio” / rehearsal space. in a damn nondescript little room. nothing fancy at all. but this is NOT EASY TO DO. so I respect them for being able to do it well. IMO, it shouldnt be complicated. Id like to think I could do it too. also i can write boring riffs…..like darkthrone! but mine are even worse hahahaha.

ate the chili. it was bretty good. protein and fibre packed. yes i use beans, a lot of beans, i like the beans. mind you theres a lot of damn beef in there too. beef beans and bacon is what it is basically. thankfully the bacon taste did not overwhelm at all. i put like 6 strips of bacon in with 2 lbs of beef and about 2 lbs of beans hahahahaha. i absolutely did NOT drain any fat from the meat hahahahaha.

YUGE trump vs shillary first debate tonight. def pretty exciting there. i should really use the opportunity to get my rep up on TRS forum hahahaha.

just saw a jackass in the hofstra university crowd wearing a tshirt with a gorilla in red white and blue which said “HARAMBE FOR PRESIDENT” hahahahaha. or HARAMBE 2016. it defeinitely said HARAMBE hehehehe. well memed muh boy.

wonder if some TRS or related people are out there right now. pool parties.

baby steps every day. at least 1 job app a day (still need to do), and also i want to do 10-15 pushups every day.

everyones making a big deal out of fenriz being a “politician” but really he is just a SUBSTITUTE city council member and he didnt even WANT the job. literally ANYONE could have put their name in and got the job. in fact who knows if it even pays anything.

boo hoo let him have his fun, he wanted to put up a funny picture of him and his cat, why should i be a buzzkill.

i wonder if he is become a crazy old cat man!!!!!

i can appreciate cats, but dogs are better, and come on. you dont wnat to be a crazy old cat man.

OK TO BE A NORMIE AS LONG AS U ARE NONDEGEN

may 4

in an ideal world you wouldn’t have to sm0ke tons of MJ to block out stress related to job and wimmin, but it’s better than alcohol or any other drugs. and we certainly do not live in an ideal world!

besides after a few months of NO CONTACT the stuff with the b1tch will get better guaranteed.

also say that your job is so stressful that it has messed up your bowels and given you PTSD hahahaha.

this will make it impossible to get a new job, so you have to be ok with that.

note: even if u have the worlds worst job,, having gurl trouble is EVEN WORSE. well, not in the moment, actually, gurl trouble is better than sweating it and stressing out all day.  its all bad!

heh dont say i, say you. delete the word i. and me and that sorta stuff.

so no job is ever going going to train you. and you have to fool them during the interview that you know how to do the job. so simply lie or stretch the truth or BULLSH1T on EVERYTHING that they cannot concretely prove otherwise.

but try not to sound too downbeat and disgruntled about how horrible your previous employer was. so instead of saying

“yeah i can handle difficult situations like a boss, because my current employer didn’t train me and just threw me to the wolves to figure it out for myself, and i learned how to bullsh1t well just to placate the person and to survive each day. then i would furiously do trial and error as quickly as possible, try to look like i knew what i was doing when i didn’t, and in most cases i could have the thing fixed within x minutes, because i knew if i asked the higher ups for help, it would take 20 more minutes, make my custo more impatient, AND my higher ups would give me a hard time and no help. so while i didn’t have autonomy in the sense i couldn’t transfer this case to someone with more power, i did have autonomy in the moment to just throw spaghetti at the wall and see what sticks, and to make up bs stories about WHY things happen, when i really didn’t know why, because they dont want to take the time to adequately train us”

then your interviewer says WOW this guy is like a feral child, he has learned bad habits and had a bad attitude!!!!.

SO, what you say is::: i take the initiative to improve any gaps in my training by asking senior people questions to learn constantly. if i dont know something while being grilled by custo, i say, i am not sure, it is either the x or the y, but i cant certainly confirm that for you if you give me 2 minutes to check with my higher up; (then dont say how THEY are likely not to know, and will take 10 minutes to answer a yes or no question, then 10 more minutes to answer why, and that is not likely, but dont say this in interview)

emphasize how YOU came in early and stayed late so you could chip away at your list of questions about WHY things worked or broke the way they did;

say that your company trained you as best they could, even though they didn’t, they DGAF

and just say you developed AWESOME, TOP people skills, because you did. in situations where nobody knows anything, that looks very unprofessional. so you just try to speak professionally and say im sorry a lot. IM SORRY, I AGREE WITH YOU COMPLETELY.

some coworkers get cocky or arrogant. i never had that problem because i was too nervous, and too underconfident. so be nervous and underconfident hahahaha. that should not be hard for you!!!!

so in this case the weakness turned out to be a strength. but you cant say the words nervous and underconfident.

how to spin it: say your desire to leave no stone unturned made you not jump to conclusions, and to be absolutely certain. this can take a little time so you learned to help the person be patient. helped you empathize with person like a boss.

how do you handle stressful situations at work?

say you dont take the persons abuse as personal abuse; that you let it roll off you like water off a ducks back; AND that you don’t waste time moping about it, you NEVER STOP WORKING, and jsut continue working like a boss.

NOT that you take 5 minutes to cry in the bathroom, or that you take medicinal mj, or valium on the job hahaha. this is what jobless loser kv’s do haha.

heh. your managers and interviewers are all a bunch of normie non-kvs, so yeah it can be hard to relate. well its IMPOSSIBLE to relate, but you CAN PRETEND to relate, but putting on that ACT is still diffiuclt!!!!

fookin normies.

lately i have been developing a super autismal normie vs degen matrix, which of course is just a 2 by 2 grid hahaha.

its ok to be a normie as long as you are non degen.

it is never ok to be degen.

those are the simple lessons.

try to hang out with normie nondegens, or autismal nondegens.

if you manage to find a normie nondegen nonkv who is managing to have nondegen secs, uhhhh ask him how he did it and if he can find any nondegen gurls for you to have nondegen secs with.

SPEAKING THE LANGUAGE OF THE NORMIE.

It’s really just talking bullsh1t ALL DAY ERRDAY. i guess the explanation as to how they can do it is, practice akes perfect. or at least practice makes professional. they’ve been doing this all day errday for yearssss thats why they are so good at it.

heh gotta watch this stupid gay faggot show #redflag on HN news from kim karwhorian and producers of intervention, what do when “mental illness meets social media” hahahahaha. and peopel whine about k1lling themselves and feeling worthless and bullied on fagbook hahahaha. k yourselfvs now, lazy losers. or maybe just make whore sex tapes, and take k1ke ssris.

tell the managers that you like to view yourself as management material, you like to think like a manager, ask questions that a manager would ask, become real team with the management, be their eyes and ears on the floor and willing to tattle on any lazy corner cutters or bad attitudes. and hopefully in 10 years you can become assistant manager if you’ve proven yourself. point out that no raise would be necessary, you would just love to take on the extra responsibilities, work, and the title of course, but with no extra pay.

MAKE YOUR OWN CLOSURE

may 2015

yeah buddy. being a slob.  trying to edit older posts. kinda goign thru something right now that would be of benefit to r9k kv types. namely  trying to get things going with a woman, and things look rough, they look bad, not hopeful at all, odds fo success have never been more than 20% at best. it has been causing stress but would like to get some resolution or “closure” as b1tches call it.

but many times, perhaps more often than not, when in the situation of a beta male desiring a woman, the woman won’t give you closure and you have to make your own closure by telling yourself that no closure is good enough. you just take the cold shoulder as your “NO” answer, as your rejection, and slowly move on.

which is tough for kv’s like uss, because it’s better for us to HEAR “NO” than to get nothing, and build up hopes for years. imho.

so yeah it makes it sad and frustrating and gives you no energy.

so if a girl is ignoring you for no good reason, and keeps blowing you off, and tells you that they will hang out soon, getting your hopes up, but that time never comes….. uhh dont keep asking the gurl about it. even though you are kind of entitled to it, because she keeps lying to you saying you will hang out. if you are a true beta then you will carefully ask her to hang out once every two or three weeks, she will keep blowing you off, then after tow or three YEARS you will get the pciture, hahahahahaha. and then you will be visibly older, fatter, balder, and more beta, more kv, lower mate value, bigger loser.

so just ignore the b1tch just like she is doing to you, do NO CONTACT, and maybe she will contact u in a long time, but 90% chance she will just be a huge promiscuous slutwh0re. and u will be horribly crippling derpressed for a long time. so just herb medicinally, dont worry about finding a new job, and just go one day at a time, and try to do other fun things. and h3rb as much as possible.

medical hb is a valid treatment for treatment resistant derpression hahahahaha.

alcohol, opiates, or benzos are NOT.

u would be amazed at the miraculous things do at job. we all have insane responsibilities and . all the while looking like an idiot, because you really dont’ know what youre doing, and your just doing trial and error.

and the company can get away with this because youre not a DOCTOR doing life and death stuff; and you are talking to “internal” not “external” people, so it doesn’t matter if you sound/look dumb; so basically you get no training and get thrown to the wolves and try to survive. and have miraculously survived, but  totally burnt out by now, and want to get away from it

so does it sound good on interviews to say that you have learned how to BULLSH1T well and Fudge The Truth so that you can get yourself out of Difficult Situations by SOUNDING like you know what you’re doing, even though youre jsut doing trial and error?

well you spin it by saying youre not mad about not being trained, because you beleive its the employees job to train himself, not the companies, because thats just them throwing money away. that’s why you come in early one hour and stay late one hour every day, off the clock, so you can train yourself with other people.

so in other words, work 10 unpaid hours a week hahahahahaha

the sad part is, that’s pretty much what  do. would get in at least an hour early just to read and study and research, because you don’t have TIME to do this on the job it’s like taking an EXAM. you can’t study DURING the exam. and all day every day is the exam. you can STUDY when you go home, or get in early, or stay late.

is that normal? convince your interviewers that you like this and think its normal and ok and you excel at it.

IT WOULD BE SO MUCH EASIER TO BE G4Y

july 7

damn. wellp. fook. heh. thinking about that dream i had yesterday with girl7. i just went up to her and started making out with her passionate, feeling her bum and bewbs and getting her clothes off asap and jsut throwing it right in there and sucking on her neck and big bewbs and plowing her pvssy raw dog and her breathing god damn. yeah there will never be another girl like girl7. if i ever find a girl i am that into….that is a sign you should be in a long term rel or even marriage wiht the gurl. damn. fook. i just don’t often feel that way about gurls. she was def in the upper half of gurls 1 thru 8. well, most of em WERE pretty strong. like 1, 2, 3, 4, 6, and 7 were very strong. 5 and 8 were a little bit less strong, in that i did not go completely insane over them. fooking b1tches. b1tches and wh0res.

well i got my valium at least now.

went on powerwalk, actually did all 4.8 miles at once. came back home at 3.2 miles to drink water / hydrate, then went back out and finished it off. 99 minutes, 4.8 miles. hehehehe.

heh. i wish i could look at pictures of girl7. i wish i could still hang out with girl7. i wish girl7 had said yes and would let me make out with her and more like i did in that dream! i just don’t want other girls like that! sure i wouldn’t MIND, PLOWING a few of the young cute ones, but still, plowing them wouldn’t be nearly as good as plowing girl7! she was soooo specialllll! hehehehehehehe.heh.

so just find grills on vxideos that have the same fetish going on as girl7 did for me. hehehehe. goodenough.mov

heh i should take valium just to stop thinking about her! hehehehe. no i did not pick up the valium yet, i am still waiting for them to prepare it. and i swore not to take it but once every other workday. and it was strictly for my job.

but what if i took it while puffing nonmedical MJ? so that i didn’t get paranoid, but maybe the valium would make me get chilled out from w33d instead of paranoid?

heh. or i could just take one small puff of w33d, that would also keep me from getting paranoid.

the moar friends you have on fb, the moar you need to take a break every other month. over 1000 is bad. like girl6, of course that promiscuous loose moraled b1tch would have over 1000 friends, probably 1000 guys in luv with her. well, back in the day when she was young. now she is discovering that her mate value is dropping like a LEAD BALLOON.

reject me will ya. i don’t GET rejected, I DO the rejecting!!!!!!

heh. actually i don’t think i put myself out there far enough to get rejected. i just told myself that she OBVIOUSLY didn’t like me because she was never flirtatious with me, her body language, etc.

who cares? although that probably WAS an accurate read on her body language. because that wh0re was not afraid to throw herself at men she wanted to get plowed by. not me, i’ll tell ya that!

i mean, for all the d1x she sucked and fooked, it would have been NICE if she had sucked and fooked MINE, is all i’m saying. that is the problem with slutty gurls. when they don’t give YOU that action they’re so flippantly and flagrantly giving to everyone else. then you cant help but notice the difference between those guys and you: they are cooler, more masculine, more alpha, more confidence, bolder, brasher, winninger. or even if they are huge losers at least they are confident as fook and are a local celebrity or something.

sluts LUV celebrities.

you might be surprised, to look back at your ladyfrans partners. there very well may be some kind of d-list celebrity in there, like pauly shore or some guy from mtv or jersey shore or who the f knows, so stupid tv show. no fake. this is why gurls don’t want you to know about their sechsual history. because it’s fooking disgusting. and they KNOW it, the fooking PIGS. god damn. it’s enough to turn you off women and to make you want to turn GAY.

oh it would be SO MUCH EASIER to be GAY. hehehehe. then you could hang out with your male friends and play vidya and get drunk and have fun, and then have gaysechs with each other, hehehehe.

hehehehe. you know you’ve thought that, even though it’s technically offensive to the gays.

hehehe fook the gays, at least they get their rocks off in dirty glory hole truck stop sechs, hehehehe.

my “sense of humor” is a lot more endearing in person, hehehe.

whoa he jacked up muh paxil to 3 times a day. from 20 mg once a day to 20 mg three times a day. is that competent? i might just take two times.

and 5 mg of valium once a day. noice. that was only $8.89 for a one month, 3 pill supply. the paxil for 60 mg a day per month is $10. yikes. jiminy jilikers, radioactive man. up and at them.

also 5 refills. nice. the paxil has a year expiration, the valium has a 6 month expiration date. so i can’t stretch out the valium, in other words. oh well, it doesn’t matter, life goes on. bla bla bla.

who knows. maybe this THREE HUNDRED PERCENT INCREASE in paxil will help me stay chill throughout the workday.

heh. seems a bit unprofessional to do that. but what do i know, i aint a docker. i aint a legal drug dealer.

no that’s mean to this docker, he’s a nice guy. i have been going to him ever since i was a child. he might retire soon and then i will have to find another docker. you better believe i will not be afraid to ask him for a LAUNDRY LIST of drugs on the very first visit, including Medical Kannabis!!!!!

DOCKERS R LEGAL DRUG DEALERZ; NURZEZ R HOSPITAL H0REZ

july 7 2014

ok son. today i go visit docker. prepare my arguments.

as i lay in bed last night, i got an epiphany: maybe i should ask him for MEDICAL MARIHUANA. holy sh1t. that would be ridiculous. absolutely ridiculous.

i mean, it can’t hurt to ASK, right?

he would probably say no…..but what if he didn’t? obviously MM is growing in popularity.

do you have to get that refilled like you do with regular prescriptions?

i KNOW you have to get a card from the state. could you or the docker just send in a little prescription pad thing saying “YES I APPROVE”?

was forced to shave my magnificent, majestic, confidence-building long beard. but i maintained a short level 2 beard all around for masculinity purposes. because i am such a nice sensitive guy, i need to have some kind of beard to prove i’m not gay. or weak.

“homophobia” is a stupid leftist / academic / media myth to slander / hate on whites and men, but my god i think some of the most truly “homophobic” people i’ve ever seen are women! not gonna say white women per se, but all women have contempt for effeminate men, kind of like how men have contempt (not hate! not violence!) for promiscuous women with loose moralz.

anyway that would be RIDICULOUS if docker approved me for MM, BUT I don’t think he would, AND I don’t think i’d have the ballz to ASK. but i should. i mean i am paying him!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

yes dockerz are drug dealerz. little more than legal drug dealerz. pusherz.

i have no respect for dockers or nurzez. hehehehe. especially nurzez. little pill popping, methhead wh0res, thinking they are so compassionate and caring, as they destroy their own families with drugz and cheating hehehehe.

gotta get some hate on herre.

ok. go to the shoppe at… 1.15pm or 1pm; docker at 3.15pm. huge powerwalk later in the day.

if dockerz are little more than legal drug dealerz, nursez are little more than HOSPITAL H0REZ.

hehehehehe. fook u all!

but yeah it would be sweet to get MM.

but i would be happy with “merely” ZBX.

Zoloft, Buspar, Xanax. M. MM. ZBXMM.

ok. just got back from kohlz. spent around $100. 1 benjamin. yikes. thank god i can sort of afford this. i mean i did need new clothes. i got rid of perhaps more old shabby sh1tty neckbeard virgin loser clothes in volume, than volume new winner clothes i bought. so it is good to look like a winner rather than a loser.

2 nice button up short sleeve summer shirts; 1 nice polo shirt; 1 nice pair of khakis; kohls was real BAD with sales on pantz on july 7 2014; and also a fancy t-shirt.

anyway the sonoma pantz were like 27 bucks. the other pantz where buy one get one half off. all pantz were like 58 bucks. wow. so, 2 pairs would be…58 plus 29…. like 87 bucks. or like 43 bucks each. NO THANKS. i thought everything at kohls was supposed to be like 20 bucks always. fook you mr kohl.

if you get an rx filled/produced, and then you don’t like the price, do you HAVE to pay for it? will they send you to a collections agency or take you to court if you don’t want to pay?

prob wont have the ballz to ask docker for MM.

did i suggest that u simply deactivate your facebook for at least 6 months a year?

i would recommend keep it on during the summer and december, off during the rest of the year, def off during the chill of winter, but the 6 month schedule is up to you. maybe even 1 on, 1 off, etc. this is a great idea. will cut your time wasted on fb by half.

of course you can post a message before each break explaining why you are doing this, namely, fb is overrated and a time waster and everybody should cut their time wasted on it in half. you are still happy to talk to people at this phone number and that email. see you in a few months, SUCKERZ!!!

ok. back from docker. didn’t even take a good look at rx. i know i got paxil renewed for 5 months. couldn’t remember if he increased from 20 mg or not. don’t think so.

not real concerned about that, moreso wanted some sort of anxiety thing. well he gave me an rx for VALIUM which is good. no buspar. i really did not work my “now listen here doc, i want this drug and that drug and that drug” speech of “give me zoloft, buspar, AND xanax.” i mentioned and he mentioned buspar. but the ultimate rx is for valium, so, whatevs. i only wanted to take the benzo 3 days a week anyway so as not to get hooked.

hehehe. the old shave beard, buy clothes, see docker scheme, which means yer about to start work again. oy vey. it’s like going back to skool after summer vacation. BUT WORSE! but you do get paid. so.

never got valium before, this might be interesting.

hopefully not too expensive. i made sure to ask for generic at both the docker and the bharmacy. just dropped off at bharm, will return later today. generic low dose of valium cannot be TOO expensive!

it is amazing how reflexively one (I) can turn on the tv. wow. tv is anxiety and schizo inducing.

LEAVE TV OFF, TURN ON MUSIC INSTEAD.

ideally calm classical or chanting music and not hateful, suicidal heavy metal hehehehe. that stuff will ruin yer life!

did not have the ballz to ask him about MM. i suppose i can try to get non-medical M from people at muh job, hahahaha.

or get it off s1lq r04d 2.0 hehehehe.

i think the trick to that is to take no more than one puff at a time. none of this passing it around and taking 10 puffs. just take 1 puff. by yourself. the end.

and make it a SMALL puff too, not a HUGE puff like you took back in the DAY. the DAY is not something you want to go BACK to.