HUHWHYTE FEVER, HUHWHYTE FEVER, WE KNOW HOW TO DO IT

dec 22

what is SO IMPORTANT to you means NOTHING to them.

you feel close to them because you text them every day and they respond. big fookin deal. they spend all day texting 900000000000000 guys a day every day. nothing special there.

so you fooked them and now youre getting feelings and want to spend moar time with them. nothing special there, she’s fooked 90000000 guys and it means nothing, its just fooking, just secs.

so youve known her for years and you think thats special, big deal, she’s known a LOT of people for years, you’re nothing special.

but yeah. she was the ONLY person I texted almost every day. i had no desire to text anyone else every day. now i didnt text her 90000000 times a day, but just a couple times a day, and took some days off if i felt she was getting overwhelmed. and 90% of the time, she responded to me like she WASNT getting irritated or overwhelmed. So we continued texting on 80% of days. and that meant something to me because i didnt do that with ANYONE else. And I havent done that with anyone else since things ended with her.

so for you, the texting every day relationship might feel special, but for them, its no big deal, its something they can just throw away.

saw a 45 to 50 year old woman in the office next to mine and i was like hmmm damn look what she’s wearing, she has got quite the body on her for an older woman. i think i would definitely enjoy banging her hahahaha. stalk her briefly on the internet and find she is 51 years old. thats a first hahahaha. well, she looks very good for that age! seriously!

no, i dont have a THING for “MILFS.” shit yes i do prefer younger women to older women. but its just rare that you see an older woman with a good body. most women become fat and or blown out in general hehehehe.

but yeah. i just hate how every experience with a woman that was so important and meaningful to ME, was not important at all to them. everything is casual. casual secs, casual rels, casual lives, casual deaths, casual murder, casual people, casual friends, casual family, casual lovers, casual husbandos, casual children. doesnt anything mean anything to them? yep the big tuff alpha negatives they fall in luv with and would sell out their family and children for.

that feel when you jerk off thinking about banging a 50 year old woman. feels weird man hahahahaha.

hey this is probably the best way you can have purely recreational, casual secs, by banging a woman who is not fertile.

sheeeeit. i find that my writing is not as good as I want it to be. I think its mainly a matter of just being rusty, because i dont write Business Communications every day, well, i hadn’t been. so switching to the intentionally shitty writing i do every day here, well, intentionally lazy low effort I should say, to the high effort, concise, smart sounding writing I have to do when writing emails to people with masters degrees and phd’s, i mean thats a challenge. which i should not give up on.

for example the email I was suggested to write to some software users 2 weeks ago, eventually made it to the CIO, phd of the organization, as he recommends a pilot program for some staff. so the new guy with really rusty writing is trying to craft an email to experienced people, and it eventually gets to a phd who has been in a highass higher up position for 10 years. who has the power to tell my manager, himself an accomplished, educated, impressive professional, wtf were you thinking hiring this idiot who cant even write a coherent sentence. does he have emotional problems? was he out of a job for 15 months or some shit? is he a 35 year old neet virgin? he sure writes like one! hahahahaha.

see, another RAFT of DISTORTIONS. illogical thinking. i think people can TELL shit about me, when they really CANT. i think they are sitting here putting me under a microscope and judging me, when tbh they dont have the TIME.

well, some of them DO have the TIME. but they’d rather be flirting understandably, with the hawt milf admin assistants hahahahaha and banging a 45 year old womans tits in the storage closet hahahahahahhahahaha. maybe looking at webcam gurls from their work computerz hahahaha.

no the people in my org are on average really good people. i’ve been AMAZED at all the nice, decent, good, friendly, outgoing, genuinely good, non-sneaky people i’ve met here. the place seems to attract good people. big part of why i would luv a FT Career Job there.

even the higher ups are nice. maybe they do sleazy things in their office but they are nice to me and thats all i really care about when i am on the job. i mean i am just trying to survive one day at a time hahahaha. not that that is NEARLY as hard and grueling as it was at muh previous job. i mean theres an actual risk of me sitting there BORED with NOTHING TO DO. I cant even COMPREHEND this. that gives me a new sense of weirdness and anxiety. but its much much much better than the anxiety of answering phones all day and oh god i dont know what to do or what to say or how im gonna get out of this mess!!!! and muh relship with one of muh closest friends is going down in flames and shes sitting right there handling this shit just fine and not talking to me!

so yeah i will take care not to fall in luv with any of the women at muh new job hehehehe. probably should try not to bang the 50 year old woman in the supply closet hahahahahaha. but shit. you cant fall in LUV with a 50 year old woman, i dont care WHO you are.

but yeah like i say, i already have years of experience in this org, its a large 600+ employee org and i guess the culture is just really good, i like it, wouldnt LUV getting a FT career here until I am 65 hahahaha. i have worked in 2 departments here and interacted with people from even more departments and they are always nice and friendly and good decent good faith people. all the managers and supervisors have been decent non-scamming, straight shooting, respectable, accountable people. i appreciate that.

i never should have left 3 years ago. i got along with That Woman so well, we started talking naturally about jobs, she found a place that was hiring a bunch of people, we both got in, over the long term she toughed it out, and i gave up hehehehe. no i dont BLAME her for getting me that job…..im just saying if i never met her, i never would have gotten the job, and i never would have left the job i didnt really want to leave. but i NEEDED to leave it. at the time i felt it was a sign from GOD that he put my lovely friend in my life to help me break out of my Comfort Zone. hehehehehe.

so yeah i dont BLAME her for any of that. but i do regret taking that job and i do regret meeting her. but i dont hate her or blame her. just saying she was a net negative for me hahahaha. great highs but even greater lows. it was just a sad sad sad situation and i really didnt need that. but it wasnt her FAULT. she didnt do it intentionally. it was just a perfect shitstorm. when you are a lonely old man and you get along so well with a Lovely Young Woman. its a greek tragedy waiting to happen. and boy did it ever. holy shit. i did not respond to that challenge well.

so i work with nothing but very educated, very nice, very experienced, very professional people. its RIDICULOUS. these degrees these people have, I dont even know what they are. EdS degree. good lord. like this woman who essentially works next to me all day. when i think about her career and education and accomplishments I get damn INTIMIDATED!  yeah i talk mad shit about career women with their masters degrees, but this woman is honestly SMART AF! not like the chattering “flibbertigibbets” uncle bern talks about where he rightfully wonders, how do these idiots have graduate degrees. not so with the people i work with. like this WOMAN. I am kinda glad to meet a WOMAN like this. it proves to me on a daily basis that women actually CAN be smart and mature and reasonable and rational and logical and smart.

anyway i didnt want to pry but i gently got her talking about her family, because i am always interested in peoples personal lives, unlike uncle bern hahahaha. i will gossip about people’s families and wives and children all day. so turns out her daughter, who is probably 8 to 10 years younger than me, is making over 70 grand a year in a very in-demand field. she will never have a problem finding a very good paying job anywhere in the world. she went to a very selective, very well regarded university, albeit a very expensive private one, i guess taking on a decent amount of debt because this is prob the most expensive college in the state. but her gamble paid off because now she is making 70k a year at age 23, 24, 25. real high achiever. started a competitive, accelerated masters degree program within weeks of graduating undergrad. had masters degree less than a year later. had job offers before finishing that. was making fooktons more money at age 22,23 than i ever will in my whole life……and i went to a selective, competitive undergrad univ too! I COULDA BEEN A CONTENDER!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

and she got married around the age of 25 too! not riding the cok carousel too much despite being a very successful very young career woman!

so i said wow, good for her, she played her cards very well, you should be proud of her. i didn’t harp on how i was such a loser who could have been a contender. i tried to sound intelligent talking about colleges and grad schools and companies and industries and trends hehehehe. tried to talk like somebody who coulda been a grad school contender.

i mean i HATE grad school but the way this womans daughter did it, i am in favor of that: in demand fields, competitive programs, etc. exactly the type of shit I could never get into….but could have i hadn’t royally screwed up by being a fookin basket case in Uni. Peaked in high school, crashed and burned in Uni. This is what happens folks. but if you don’t crash, you can KEEP peaking past uni, past grad school, and peak in your damn 40s or 50s when you move from being a damn executive, to starting your own company and being the CEO President and hiring people from harvard to be your executives. which is the path this young woman is on. which i could have been on.

but, right now, I just dont want what I can get. and with good reason IMHO. paying 50 grand for a shit tier MBA-like degree that has a 50% chance of getting a 40k a year job……or if you are an underachiever without great social skills or high confidence or high energy or a great attitude or a great work ethic………. it wont get you anything.

and i see whcih of those groups i fall into and im like FOOK THIS SHIT, this is a losing bet for me, 50 grand saved is 50 grand earned, especially then the bet isnt gonna bring anything back for me over the long term.

so if i can make as much money without a masters degree as with one, then i might as well start trying to make that money right. hehehehe. and that has been a struggle of course. to make more than high school graduate money hehehe.

shit i mean if the people i work with NOW, PUSHED me to do a masters degree, they might be able to convince me. i mean i’m not ruling it out entirely. i never have. i am just skeptical as FOOK. you have to make a REALLY good argument to me. and really ive never been in the position to have people make that argument to me, until NOW.

theres this one woman at the new job who is super duper ridiculously nice to me……and that is exactly the type of thing i should try to take advantage of. she may want the D hahahaha. she is like 55 years old and not really a bangable 55 hahahaha, but she is not obese and not really ugly, and I KNOW she was prob a solid 8/10 when she was 25 hahahahahahaha.  anyway yeah i should get HER to write me a letter of recommendation, get HER to be a reference, buy HER lunches and dinners, anyway she says I am VERY SMART and she’s got a masters degree from a Good, Well-Known School hehehehe. which i will not name because doxing. but people have HEARD of this school.

so yeah when someone with a masterz degree from stanford says I Am Very Smart, I Blush with Pride hahahaha, i dont even care if they have a Schoolgirl Crush on me. I will TAKE that compliment hahaha. no they didn’t go to STANFORD, the place was a little worse than that hahahaha.

I SWEAR IM NOT AN IDIOT……..OR AM I??????? hehehehe. The way to muh heart is to reassure me that I am SMART. cuz I HATE feeling like a 101 IQ moron.

anyway she has a daughter who is probably a successful professional as well. who is probably AROUND my age, maybe a little younger hahahaha. working with people who have children who are a little younger than you, and WAY more successful than you, hahahaha. weird feel man.

i mean yeah at this point i will TAKE peoples patronizing pity. its better than NOTHING hahahahahahahaha.

and they are really not too patronizing or pitiful about it, they seem genuinely NICE! and i appreciate niceness. I try to BE that nice.

i just dont want to be too LAZY and too AFRAID to take action to pay it forward, like to buy people lunch and be outgoing and giving and talk to people. because this is a great OPPORTUNITY and i dont want to BLOW it. i have a habit of BLOWING OPPORTUNITIES. and giving up when the going gets tough. and here the going wont be getting too tough thank GOD.

and sometimes it seems UNFAIR that really this job is SO EASY and so low stress, while there are people out there getting fookin thrown the wolves. so i gotta approach that by being thankful and by paying it back/forward/whatever, by being a Really Nice Guy and SHOWING that to people, and not being too AFRAID to actually do that. bring in fookin donuts every day. do favors for people. buy fookin top shelf coffee and keurigs. buy gifts for people.

dec 23

this fookin guy just followed me on youtube who says he is alt left, and his ideal is white male asian female pairings. i guess he’s a white guy who believes the perfect race should be bred by white men with asian women. and he is NOT joking. WOW. I mean WMAF specifically grinds muh gears, I am VERY anti-yellow-fever. I only have HUHWHYTE FEVER. song parody of bee gees song hahahaha.

he has paired up with robert stark who i used to listen to regularly in 2012, 2013, then he disappeared, then he came back. he was never blatantly alt right but also had really interesting guests and is truly a Fair and Balanced journalist. he has WNs and Alt Right people on and doesnt judge them and i think he is probably redpilled on JQ. but i want him to have more of a personal opinion hehehe. he also sorta nnnnnnnoticed me sempai on my previous blog, so that HAD to be around 2012 or 13 at the latest. i mean he’s been around for a while and does quality work. but his new cohost is this weirdass asian lover, and i dont like that hahahaha. its not even strictly degenerate, its fookin WEIRD and disturbing and IMHO, Race Treason. but i will forgive a guy if he repents!

day before xmas eve. went to supermarket and it was the most packed i had ever seen it. had to buy some containers or boxes to wrap small presents in. also wanted to buy some fancy coffee to reward myself hahahaha. bought some sumatra organic coffee. i buy organic coffee to treat muhself. it is pretty good. not sure if as overwhelminingly good as I hoped, but its good.

last night felt the urge to crack open “THE CULTURE OF CRITIQUE” by stefan molyneux HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA and give it another try. it is a ridiculously dense book and honestly kind of dry unfortunately. its not a ripping page turner like you would want. there really should be a CoC for Dummies. i mean it takes a lot of effort and agency to read 1 page even. but its an IMPORTANT book, everyone should have a copy, and you should buy 20 copies for xmas and give it to your friends and family. should be required reading in all schools. you dont need to read it all at once. just have it in your house so when you want to read it, its there for you. buy copies to give to all the area libraries.

https://upfrommorallylazyloserness.wordpress.com/muh-top-tier-topkek-poasts/

added this new link to sidebar, decided I needed to have a page of all my better poasts, the top 5% or so. that when i go back and reread it i say, yep, thats one of the better ones. this is where i will collect them. is was yesterdays post that was a good one and made me say, hmm, i have to start organizing these for the readers hehehehe. or at least for myself hahaahaha.

went to social game yesterday and the suburban tavern was PACKED with more young qt gurls than i have seen in years. i think it was The Middle Class Gurls are Home From College for the Holidays. see, some of the cutest gurls Go Away to College and start riding the cock carousel, and i never see them, because they are segregated away in the college towns, and i def do not live in a college town! i used to when i went to college in a college town, and i can ASSURE you, there was a RIDICULOUS number of qt young gurls there, because they are taken OUT OF the Real World and put in these damn colleges to be sluts, and that is DEPLORABLE. They SHOULD be in the Real World. because these are REAL WOMEN, and it also PROVES the feminists and marxists are jooish liars when they say men have unrealistic standards of beauty for women. BELIEVE ME. there was like 10 girls in this tavern who surpassed unrealistic standards for female beauty then. i mean an 8/10 qualifies as Drop Dead Gorgeous. I mean these women are SO ATTRACTIVE i don’t even really WANT them. I just laugh and say, no im not missing out on anything, those women are SO above my league I know I dont even have a chance. And I am not bitter or butthurt about it. but i am kinda butthurt about not seizing the opportunity when I was that age and going to college in a college town FILLLLLLLLLLLED with young BEAUTIFUL girls!!!! hell NO i never even STARTED getting it out of muh system!

i am actually MORE interested in the young women who Arent Perfect Beauties, who have something Off about them. That Woman would be a good example. Compared to these Topkek Beauties, she was more of an Ugly Duckling, but that was MORE THAN GOOD ENOUGH for me.

but yeah. you want to see “unattainable” beauty? just go to any large college town and look at all those beautiful 18-21 year old girls! you will find THOUSANDS of them in every state in the union! it’s not a hollywood and new york only thing! you will find THOUSANDS of them at University of KANSAS!!!!!!!!! I DARE you to even TRY to prove me wrong.

and this is mother nature making even AVERAGE women ABSOLUTELY GORGEOUS at this time in their lives. 18-21. so they can pull a great man and start having many healthy children with him. instead they go to college to ride the cock carousel, get indoctrinated, and prepare for a life of career worship, cats, and moar cock carousel. DEPLORABLE.

basically there are SHITLOADS of BEAUTIFUL young women out there, which actually makes me optimistic, in that if ANY of these women were hanging out with me, showing interest in me, and being loyal to me, and wanted to be muh gf basically, i would FORGET THAT WOMAN EVER EXISTED. there are MANY women out there who could REPLACE and ERASE her PERMANENTLY and make me forget I ever knew her. that are BETTER than her in EVERY way. there are TONS of possible women in Suburban Trvmp Country USA who would wipe the floor with That Woman.

Just go to a Tavern in a Middle Class Whitish Neighborhood on Xmas Break.

and before you had Jooniversities, these women would just be remaining in their hometowns where they belong instead of being physically removed, turned into sluts, then moving to cities to be even bigger sluts.

of course, i mean these girls were SO qt that i wouldnt CARE if they had been with 20 guys by age 20. well, i WOULD care if I were trying to Date Them. and after banging them, i would inevitably want to date them, and they would inevitably dump me.

just go to a large uni for engineering, do your first 2 years (or more!) at community college, then when you first arrive on campus as a 20 year old junior, go to parties and social events, don’t drink, and try to pick up innocent looking 18 year old freshman gurls. there are still plenty of VIRGIN GURLS out there. find an 18 year old virgin and she will luv you because you are her FURST, and then marry her and give her many children, make lots of money in your stem career, give it to your beautiful large huhwhyte family, and live happily ever after. LITERALLY. and your wife will always luv you and be loyal, because you are her FURST, ideally she would be your FURST too, and she’s DEFINITELY not gonna leave you if you are successful and make good money. live happily ever after. the end. and then your many huhwhyte children grow up to be successful and have large huhwhyte families like you did. can you even IMAGINE a more beautiful thing?

and people actually DO this! this isnt an unrealistic, unreasonable goal like becoming president or becoming a pro sportsball aflete or becoming a rapper.

heh. THAT WOMAN was an 18 or 19 year old virgin when she committed to her original boifran. she was loyal to him and worked to improve the rel when it got rough. she didnt bail out or throw him away. heh. of course then i wished I could have been her First Luv and have her show that loyalty and effort and hard work and luv and commitment and devotion to ME. and kinda jelly of that guy. what a PRIVILEGE to have an 18 year old virgin gurl LUV you and be COMMITTED to you. many of us will never know that feel hehehehehe. the best you will get is some MERCENARY who gives you her body for a MINUTE and you NEVER FORGET IT and she forgets you after a minute. cuz it means nothing to her, and means a lot to you. ya omega neet virgin hehehehe.

good morning huhwhyte america with adam and mary is now taking bitcoin dnations hehehe. shut up and take muh money.jpg hhahahahahaha. they are wholesome and comfy AF. and assholes like varg and sinead would give them shit for being CHRISTCUCKS hahahahahaha. uh oh, then they are jooish shills by definition hahahaha.

 

MORE IMPOSTOR THAN DUNNING KRUGER

dec 5

WOW JUST WOW. heres a FIRST in mother fooking almost a year and a half, in fookin 16.5 almost 17 months to be exact, the famous first is that i went to a JOB today and earned MONAY. That much feelsgoodman but I also feel impostor syndrome, like i am a dumb weirdo and these people are giving me a chance but i am too slow on the uptake, im not taking that chance, i’m not ATTACKING it, and they will be disappointed in me.

the job itself seems SUPER LOW STRESS and everybody was chill and happy. I mean i have really hit the jackpot there. i should give some money to GOD right now for that. AND I know this woman that works there, i used to work with her 3+ years ago, she is a good person, saw her today.

there is technically a lot of stuff to learn but i didnt feel the PRESSURE to learn all this crazy shit FAST and EXPLAIN it to frustrated people who are gonna GRILL you on it. so its safe to say this job will be a LOT EASIER and a LOT LOWER STRESS than my previous job. which is awesome.

the people are nice and available for questions. HOLY SHIT.

on one hand i just want to survive one day at a time.

on the other hand, i want to ATTACK IT and SHOW INITIATIVE and PROVE MYSELF and EARN RESPECT.

i dont want to be a TIMID MILQUETOAST.

Like so one guy with a masters degree is helping the other guy with the masters degree with the software and I am watching and learning, and Im like these are successful people who are Good At Adulting, who have got masters degrees and Reaped The Benefits by having Good Career Jobs.

and here i am, a huge loser who cant get a job for 16 months sitting there trying to look smart and ask smart questions and act normal like i am a normie adult, when i am super far from being a normie adult.

i guess the thing is to “FAKE IT TILL YOU MAKE IT” and really i will have to do a lot less of that here.

just remind myself this is NORMAL the FIRST DAY OF A DAMN JOB.

its been a while since i had the FIRST DAY OF A NEW JOB. it has been fookin THREE YEARS since that. well, 2.95 years hahaha.

transitions can be stressful even if the job is not stressful.

be mindful. let the thoughts float away. the judgments about muh self. just try to be nice to the people.

i mean i am ALWAYS nice but i am also Timid and I don’t want that.

also i can’t do much because there is a lot that is tied to my email/login stuff, and apparently the IT dept has a Policy where they cant get my account set up until after I have started my first day.  not before!

well i gave them 30 minutes of unpaid time today just to tie up some meeting stuff, like talking to the boss, etc.

the people here are very chill about getting there on time hahaha. i forgot about that. this workplace, ive worked at it before, from about 2009 to about 2013, and there were many many things i liked about it. and i am seeing that much of that, like the chill setting and the nice people, might carry over. and here i will have even LESS direct customer contact. but muh customers will be a generally higher level. masters degree people hehehehe.

yeah but there are some people in the dept that DONT have a masters degree.

i decided not to bring donuts on the VERY FIRST DAY becuase that would look TRYHARD, like i am DESPERATE to be liked and accepted. i can bring donuts another day. prob my last day of this week which is thursday.

i asked them about coffee. people like to drink coffee. great i said. i have some folgers at home i can bring in for everyone to use. there is a mr coffee for folgers and also a keurig machine. a goddam keurig. i guess its not THAT fancy. i mean im open to having a cup of keurig once in a while but i am a folgers man every day.

i wore dark blue dress slacks and a decent fitting Poplin/Oxford Dress Shirt, white with blue stripes. I looked pretty good. I made a half joke about how I could wear a tie if you think that would be good.

Wore black skechers shoes which are NICE but they are also too BIG. I shouldnt have bought them but this was over 3 years ago I bought these shoes. I actually wore them when i was working at this place the first time. jeez.  so this time i would go to WALMART and get some nice black shoes for reasonable price.

i mean i just gotta RELAX and be MINDFUL and not FREAK OUT. i mean theres NO REASON to freak out. everyone is NICE, they are not pushing weird shit on me, all this is OBVIOUSLY in my own head.

BATTLEMIND.

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Battlemind

military toughness mental training. how to stay cool in COMBAT. I should really look into this. just learned this word today hehehe.

i am thinking of making like 10 hamburgers patties at once on a cookie sheet in the OVEN. then put the burgers in the freezer. then i can eat a Hamburger for a snack while i am at muh job, if i am not so nervous and spazz that I cannot even think of eating.

i mean it is a mental thing now. everyone there is nice, its just my own INSECURITY and Inferiority Complex that I’m fighting against.

and here i’ve been reading a ton of job related shit while at home. well i kinda wanted to. again just becoming more familiar with the field in general. i suppose it would be better ot study the exact stuff in particular, the software, well i sort of did.

should try to see if i can sync a google drive folder on the job computer. might be restricted tho. but i can get to the google drives website. cuz they are sharing google documents with my gmail address, ie they intentionally use google docs to share stuff. i mean why not.

shit i forgot to ask the boss about his phd program. and his kids. and his previous jobs. 99% sure he is a democrat and might be a progressive activist one. he is big on education and worked in Inner City schools and certainly believes that poor blacks kids are every bit as capable and smart as privileged huhwhyte kids. and he has had a successful career, plenty of respect, and a wife and 3 kids to encourage his Weltanschauung hahahaha. he clearly is doing things right!

credit Salty Seaman with his parody of Kyke cernovich’s “gorilla mindset” with “chimpanzee weltanschauung” hehehehe.

http://english.stackexchange.com/questions/17908/whats-the-difference-between-weltanschauung-and-worldview

fooking intellectuals just jerking each other off hahahaha.  see this is one reason i dont want a masters degree. or especially a phd. its all mental masturbation .

anyway the boss is a good guy. i just wish he were a Rightist instead of probably a Leftist.

Well I think HIS boss is more of a rightist than a leftist hahaha. he already has his phd hahaha. but from a less prestigious skool. one of those classic working career adult completes phd in their spare time much like a MBA or something. i mean thats a good accomplishment too. the guy is obviously a hard worker, very ambitious, persistent, tough, BATTLEMIND, all good qualities. this guy is VERY masculine and somewhat intimidates me. shit he was also my boss’s boss 3-4 years ago so yeah I sorta know him. he is everybodys boss.

ambitious people dont like unambitious people and vice versa, sez famous negroball coach nick saban. for me this is hauntingly true. ive never been ambitious although i could have been successful if i were, cuz i used to have a good brain. but never had the work ethic. so people that DO have a strong work ethic, i worry about them looking DOWN on me as a Lazy Bum who doesnt Wanna Work Hard. Theyre not wrong, but I dont think that makes me a horrible person hhahahahahaha. but this guy is very ambitious and i dont want him to look down on me, cuz i respect him and what he’s done. thats a big part of it too, you dont want people YOU respect to disrespect YOU. you think someone is a good role model, and they think you are a lazy bum.

well he doesnt think i am a lazy bum. i hear he thought pretty highly of me when i interviewed with him once for a FT job in 2014. i guess i actually can sound sort of smart in interviews. then once i get the job i sound like an idiot hahahahaha.

http://workplace.stackexchange.com/questions/80549/does-using-documentation-as-a-developer-make-me-look-unprofessional

heh. this guy is worried that looking stuff up makes him look dumb to his coworkers, because he doesnt automatically know it. never mind asking them dumb questions!

thankfully the responses are largely no, what you are doing is smart and good.

dec 6

everyone at the job is nice and there is no pressure, but i am putting a ton of pressure on myself to be smart and impressive and funny and likeable and normie and charismatic and fun and smart and a team player and a value adder and asking smart questions not dumb questions.

everyone is also super accomplished, basically everyone i work with or talk to has a masterz degree or a phd but they dont have a big head about it either. now i want masters degree people to know i am every bit as smart as they are…..but i dont want to get a masters degree. they are ambitious and career oriented so they were very motived to get an advanced degree. i am not. but i cant say that here. like yeah im just as smart as you, i just didnt want to work as hard. but they arent such workaholics that they arent nice, or are weird. everybody is nice and has families and children. sometimes i want to say “you know i only make 11 dollars an hour and dont have a masters degree in this field right? i mean im not an idiot and my undergrad was better than your undergrad hahahahaha but then i went off the reservation and became a loser after that point.

but everyone is very understanding and theyre like yeah i know thats a lot of stuff to be thrown at you.

it KINDA is, but not any more than i had before, plus the important part is, i dont have to answer phones all day and fix things for users of this software and explain it, while having nothing but the Documentation to assist me in that chore, and experts were very unavailable. here, the experts are just chilling out and you are sitting in a room right next to them with the phone only ringing once an hour! its SUCH a different environment, 180, i mean its 14880000000000180 times BETTER and more POSITIVE!!!!!!

Just some person with a masters degree in tech, whos an expert in these tools, who can answer any question I or the users have, explain everything, who WELCOME feedback and complaints and feature requests, dont just bark im busy read the documentation. its INSANE. no WONDER these people have masters degrees and years of experience, to have such good chill career jobs.

Basically everyone is a damn instructor too. all these people are teaching college classes on the damn side. To the point where I have to laugh sheepishly and say, now i’ve never actually taught a class before, because all these people have taught classes! They are all teachers!!!!!!

so yeah. much more of the impostor sydrome than the dunning kruger effect hahahaha.

i have been studying quite a bit when i get home, was going a training module today on a major piece of software.

Used the coffee maker today and one of our clients said that is some good coffee, reminds me of the maxwell house we used to drink at home when i was young. I said thank you thats the first pot o coffee ive ever made here hahahaha today is my second day.

he was an afro-american man with an MBA, very intelligent and well dressed hahahahahaha.

if most of the Black Men you met were like THAT, you might very well not be a racist, but be a damn pro-black, anti-white, anti-racist!!!!! no he was all right, i had no beef with him, clearly a Talented Tenth and would be welcome in my white nation hahahaha.

only working 6 hours a day which is perfect…..then come home and do some studying, and now i should go for a powerwalk, and thinking of bed at 8pm, i mean only 2 days in, of only 6 hour shifts, and i am feeling a crunch on my time in other words.  but i guess thats to be expected. will take a LITTLE getting used to.  so dont get NERVOUS or FREAK OUT about it. just ACCEPT IT. RADICAL ACCEPTANCE. DBT.

yassssssssssss rich spencer live at texas a&m, the skypes did not shut him down, its happening RIGHT NOW and there seems to be an enthusiastic crowd.

also some great uppity shitlibs. this is a Good School and is gonna get PhD level shitlibs and marxists.

yeah well spencer got into a phd program at duke, hahahaha.

shit i gotta go back and listen to this whole thing just to hear all the college leftists in detail and how he responds to them in detail. i missed the first hour of this.

but there needs to be a lot more of this, directly engaging and debating college shitlibs, uhhh because im not good at it hahahaha and really want to listen to someone who is confident and good at it.

TRS goys and univ shitlib marxist BLM together in the audience. NOICE. I gotta read more about this event. and the stuff that went on before, after, outside, nearby.

ebonic talking black female talking about whites doing genocide, youre building this country on the backs of black slaves.

i mean yeah you are gonna find the BEST (ie the worst, slimiest, most twisted) shitlibs at big, reputable univs like TAM, so yeah, more of this. lots more of this. YEAH BUDDY.

i wanna hear him and our side debate and argue with the other side, i dont hear it enough.

faggy philosophy student talking his love of logic and logicians from aristotle to russel, this is exactly what i want to hear, what i want spencer to BTFO, and which i cant handle, cuz i have no patience for hardcore logic hahahaha.

oh shit college “conservative” wanting to tell spencer he stands with the left to condemn spencers hateful rhetoric, how brave bantz spencer. RS is doing really well at this IMHO, needs to do this EVERY DAY. against even MORE hostile crowds.

http://boards.4chan.org/pol/thread/101841991/richard-spencer-at-texas-am-university

http://archive.is/iOEGP

https://twitter.com/search?f=tweets&vertical=news&q=richard%20spencer%20texas%20a%26m&src=refgoogle

http://www.dallasnews.com/news/texas/2016/12/06/protests-unity-event-texas-am-aim-drown-speech-alt-right-dallas-native-richard-spencer

2000 people PROTESTING him

whites with a phd in genetics asking how you determine white identity. god damn i hope that white guy is jooish. sadly he is probably an antiwhite white i fooking luv science! type shitlib. thankfully spencer is giving it right back to them, calling them fat idiots.

https://www.periscope.tv/w/1gqxvRrdNkqxB

i made muh first discord post to share this link i found in the 504um hahahahaha

http://time.com/4592947/students-protest-white-nationalist-richard-spencer-texas-am/?xid=tcoshare

time phagazine.

sheeeeit this is exciting. wish i could stay up late but i gotta get up early and act like a SMART PERSON. even with nice people in a slow environemtn, ideal people in an ideal setting, its still exhausting to put on the face and act like a smart capable normie for a paltry 6 hours!!!!!!!!!!!! i have NO IDEA how i survived at the other job. thank GOD this one is much better. mentally but not at all financially hahahaha.

 

FRIENDS IS FINE, BEST FRIENDS IS NOT

nov 3

welp did interview for PT, 11 dollars an hour job. went ok. lasted 1 hour. i was not super nervous. still stumbled on some questions and tried to bullshit some bullshit. even though i personally think education is a bunch of bullshit, i just like the idea of working at this school. everyone was nice. the woman there, i had known her from 3 years ago when i used to say hello to her and chit chat, she was very nice to me and i was very nice to her. did not expect to see her today, wasnt sure she still worked in this department. the Director is a Big Confident Guy with beautiful white family, working on a PhD right now, he is very big on Education, that kind of shit. i am very big on pulling your kids out of public schools and homeschooling them away from the brown hordes and FEDGOV bullshit. maybe he doesnt like FEDGOV bullshit either and wants to FIX things by being PART of the school board. he worked for x years in Horrible Black Public Schools and i tip my fedora to that. I would not survive a day in that jungle. but i dont think the experience made him a White Nationalist Red Pilled on Race at all, rather, hes doubled down on All Children can succeed with a good Education. and he’s not gonna change his mind because he’s worked hard, had a successful career, has a beautiful family, seems like a genuinely decent guy, has a masterz degree, and in a few years will have a phd.

i mean i have a probably better than average chance of getting this job because i know two, technically 3 people in the department. but i have been rejected for 3 diff PT jobs by this org before, even though i worked at the org for 5 years 3 years ago. so…..again i am no stranger to getting rejected for 11 an hour PT jobs from a place i previous worked.

had a dream where i started making out with this very qt gurl i used to work with at that same job. now she got married and i was never friends with her, but she was always very nice to everybody, very bubbly and nice and pleasant, and very very qt. she Connected with me on Linkedin like 6 months ago and i was like damn she is a nice gurl, good wife and mother material there, that guy got a CATCH. and straight up 8/10 qt hahahahaha. way out of my league. way out of his league. anyway if she were interested in me i would forget about That Woman forever hehehehe. she has a successful career now (the qt gurl) and i am not resentful about it.

yeah i would have enjoyed making out with her, cuddling, secs, dating. i didnt really try with her because a. i didnt work with her that much b. i knew right away she had a BF. the guy she ended up marrying.

was at weekly social thing yesterday and saw a VERY attractive young woman, another total 8. long legs, nice white skin, long brownish hair, pretty face, just the right amount of Meat on the Hips/Buttocks area, good good. i wonder what her BMI is. because SOME women might be self-conscious about being FAT, and then other degenerates would be like BBW The Fatter The Better, but she just looked Healthy and Fertile AF to me. child bearing hips. definitely not anorexic. just the ideal normal young woman body. not fat but not overly skinny. not fat but a little soft in all the right areas. not in a fetishist way. but in a NORMAL way. i could not stop looking at her. if a gurl like THAT were interested in me, i would be OVER That Woman right NOW. yesterday.

yes of course this new woman was objectively more attractive than That Woman.

but yeah, point is, there ARE still attractive young women out there who, if i were spending time with them and they were being nice to me, i could see myself Getting Over THAT woman.

but these women are SO attractive as to be WAY out of my league. like i say. 25 year old full blown 8’s hahahaha. whereas i am more a 6.8 type guy.

and That Woman was probably closer to a 6.8 than a 8? really? the midpoint is 7.4.

i mean in that 6,7,8 range, you really DO need to drill it down like that.  that is a LOT of ground to cover, a LOT of variation, that is WAY more noticeable than like 1 to 1.1 haha.

anyway, getting this job would be fine, because everyone seems nice and i know a couple people there. i wouldnt want to get COMPLACENT though. because you need an FT job, not some damn 25 hours a week, 11 an hour, 275 a week,  13.7k a year job. sheeeeeeeeeeeeit. aint nobody can live off that!

but muh anxiety and mental and emotional health are always a damn problem, im practically damn disabled hahaha. should really see a professional about that hahahaha.

maybe i need to get a new shrink hahahahahahaha.

see i like my shrink very much. but the actual progress could be a little better haha.

i know people who are REALLY SERIOUS about managing their Issues go through like 10, 14 shrinks before they find the right one, not just stick with the first one.  so maybe thats my problem.

heh my problem is that i dont want to go back to school hahahaha.

bbbbut i already have 18 years of education.

but if its not enough of not the right KIND, then i obviously need to go back and get more!

well i guess its good that what i want to do is very exact: help under-40 white men with despair, anxiety, neet, shyness, autismal, failure, rejection, alcohol, MJ, nevergf, virgins, rels. period. no blacks, no browns, no borderline, no sociopaths, no schizo, maybe flexible on bipolar, no nonnevergfs.

and thing is, masters degrees are ridiculously specific too. like speech language therapist, or IT Business Analyst, or Black Social Work, or Charter High School Librarian, or basically masters degrees are tailored to very specific jobs. and my concern is there are just not a lot of JOBS in what i want to do, to help that small ass market. there are way more social work jobs for the more shitty kind of social work. plus social work is pretty stressful too eh hahahaha.

i shouldnt crap on these female MSW’s, ive gotten better i swear. they work hard, theyre not idiots, and if they are horrible sluts in their personal life, they probably try to do as little damage as possible. have decent empathy hahaha. dont just murder hearts in cold blood hahaha.

but to have the county send you all its worst black juvenile delinquents, god damn. i would not want that. or people who get neglected and abused by their damn shitty families. i only want to help shitty people from GOOD families hahahaha.

basically i would have to do some revolutionary marketing and appeal to people that are Too Stubborn to Get Therapy. AND be able to make it affordable for them.

well i guess having a generous Sliding Scale is a must.

Again I am willing to be an unlicensed therapist for 12 dollars an hour, noting that i am just giving it my best effort and trying to handle shit above my pay grade hahahaha.

constantly handling shit above your pay grade without help and without error IS your job hahahaha.

yeah ok i would be happy to get this 13k a year job hahaha. because i could see myself not going mad. plus it would position me to have a better chance at getting ANY job, for the phaggots that are very gapist, and who are rejecting me mainly because of The Gap.

Listen. Heres the thing. I would probably be pretty GOOD in a relship if the woman gave me a fair CHANCE. if she was willing to COMMUNICATE. USE YOUR WORDS, like a GROWN UP. doesnt have to be a conversation. can be an exchange of letters. i know its easy to get NERVOUS and not communicate very well sometimes. so write a letter in the safety of your own comfort zone where i cant gaslight and minimize and abuse you and make you feeeeeeeeeel weird. thats FINE.

then i would talk to this one guy and see if he can get me an MJ order. if so, I will be ecstatic and put in a 100 dollar order. go big. if not…….i guess i will continue scheming to get a medical card. go to this “clinic” and complain of carpal tunnel pain and say hey doc, i’m MORE THAN WILLING to meet with you again in 1 month, 3 months, to establish a bona fide doctor patient relship here. i’ll just come see you again in 3 months, say i have the same arm pain, and you can give me a rec then. i can wait 3 months. i’ll pay for a second visit, even a THIRD visit.

then try to be the best employee ever, learning so much, showing so much initiative, buying treats for everyone, shit i’ll make cookies if i have to. be like hey boss i was reading the journal of blabla the other day and it said this, or did you see this ted talk by cheryl sandberg, can I capture your thoughts on that.

i mean it was a quiet office, the phone wasnt ringing off the hook, yeah i would like to have this job! its super close, took less than 10 minutes to drive there. wasnt a call center, people are nice.

i mean honestly. i was able to handle an insane working environment for a FULL YEAR. 40+ hours a week of torture in the sense of constant panic and dread and fear and anxiety. and i improved and earned respect and eventually became a Good, Reliable, Trusted person. Top 40% material hahahaha.

i cannot forget that it was not the job alone that pushed me over the edge, but the COMBINATION of BOTH the job AND the woman. AND if things had worked out better with the woman, things PROBABLY would have worked out better with the job. and now im afraid all jobs will be that bad. well they CANT be, even a shitty call center would be better because That Woman wouldnt be there!

world series. who gives a fook. normies making 50k a year, with families and kids, thats who.

heh. millennial woes really needs to do a road trip rather than just visit west and east coast. i mean dnations have already paid for this whole thing. thats fine. just get in a car and see some of White Middle America. it might leave him a little more optimistic is all. all of us is not like cali or NY or DC!!!!!

also he needed to spend a few days in LA and not just go right to San fran. although i guess san fran is full of asians, but they are all tech asians making 300k a year and not being violent.

http://mpcdot.com/forums/topic/9182-all-apologies-why-i-architected-the-modern-social-justice-movement/

weev does a lot of good posting on MPC

i donate .14 euros to weev per week hahahaha. this has accumulated over several months to where it can be said that i have indeed bought weev a hearty meal hehehehe.

i mean i dont like how he makes hacking sound so EASY. oh just pick up a book on python or C. I have spent…6 hours a week, 26 weeks, 156 hours at least doing C++, and i dont feel it really GOT me anywhere. I’m like, this si fooking POINTLESS, its not gonna help me make 12 dollars an hour, you need to do at least 14880 hours on it at then you can make 15 dollars an hour.

”  Turning mentally ill women into a salaried force incentivized to act as badly as possible towards disinterested nerds in public paid huge dividends.   ”

heheheh what about INTERESTED nerds. totally humiliating supplicating omega orbiters is what im getting at.

anyway i luv weev, he’s in muh top tier, i will continue giving him .14 euros a week hahahahaha. up to a limit of 20 USD a year hehehehe. maybe moar if i ever get a job hahahahaha.

anyway women are so NIHILISTIC. SEX means nothing to them, RELS mean nothing to them, PEOPLE mean nothing to them. they treat everything as cheap and disposable. throwaway. EVERYTHINGS a throwaway. know someone for years, they’re just as disposable as some one night stand guy, just as disposable as the new life you casually create with that sexy stranger. LIFE IS CHEAP.

yeah well i dont think its so fookin CHEAP!

wewlad finally had a good calorie day today. it is SO HARD lately. i can eat 1200 calories in one meal.

took 75% dose of nyquil, would prefer some MJ like a degen

well its nice to know women can get heartbroken the same way men can!

yeah if you want it 1-3 times every day, you ARE a “sex addict”, ya dumb B. at the very least, a NYMPHOMANIAC. anyone who MUH DICKS THAT much is a DEGEN. high sex drive. suck muh dick bitch hahahaha. there are more important things in life than your SEX DRIVE, ya degen. try doing an ACTUAL JOB where you creat ACTUAL value, and not get paid to do MORE masturbation. serve angry customers. serve tables. deal with people. do stuff. get really confused. panic. go bald from the stress.

i never said you couldnt have male friends. i just say its pretty sketchy when your BEST FRIEND is a man. just like is sketchy when a MAN’s BEST friend is a WOMAN. i would guess in at least 75% of these, there are feelings involved. maybe requited feelings, but still feelings that will complicate the friendship bigtime.

friends is fine…..BEST FRIENDS is not.

 

 

yeah i mean its better when the guy is CONFIRMED gay homosexual. i guess its ok if they are an ugly omega niceguy. well, no its not, because she shouldnt encourage the attention of some poor niceguy sadsack who is OBVIOUSLY in LUV with her. she shouldnt ALLOW that kind of guy to become her BEST FRIEND.

again just throwing pretty important concepts around LIKE THEY MEAN NOTHING.

NIHILISTS.

hehehehehe.

good to see that even the degenerate nihilist women on reddit think this situation is Problematic hehehe.

weev used to say some drugs were ok, but now he is taking the standard WN line that all drugs are always bad, included degenerate negro MJ. LIFT AND HACK, he says.

which IS great advice. and i agree MJ is TECHNICALLY degen. but i still really WANT it. maybe i will want it less once i go through another phase hehehehe. i mean i just WANT it! i would NOT brag about it to WN’s becuase I TOTALLY understand their position.

but if i cant have MJ then i will take nyquil every 3 days until i DO get some mj, and it WILL be a large amount, 75 to 100 dollars worth.

https://mpcdot.com/forums/topic/7751-why-one-relationship-is-better-than-many/page__view__findpost__p__167164

pmans award winning post hehehehe

https://mpcdot.com/forums/topic/69-the-nerd-sex/

very intelligent fun reading, i cannot discourage reading MPC and should put it in the permanent links.

http://mpcdot.com/forums/topic/7687-mpc-pua-lounge-no-incels-vocels-mensucels-or-other-cels/#entry186995

getting into a little MPC phase here.

i like the super smart tone, it is kinda like heartiste, but less degen. well i think heartiste was kinda instrumental in MPC’s origin, maybe a feud/banning with heartiste and pleasureman, something stupid and dramatic.

obviously heartiste is pro-white and pro-family values, but MPC seems to be a bit more blatantly in signalling against degen slut banging.

but yeah PMan i think prob has real issues with women, and i can relate. he might be like me if i were MUCH more successful in life, a little bit more successful with women but still couldnt get a long term waifu, were much more confident, and continued to drink.  yeah thats a lot of what ifs hahaha. i would totally take it, just for the Successful Career, Money, Status, Confidence, and Experience.

looking for personal relships with women thread hahahaha. i will totally take rel advice from the smart men of MPC!

yeah they will say, be a winner in life, do something important, find a decent woman at church, etc. prob very similar to what TRS would say. be a huge ubermensch and not a neet loser. decent women dont go for loser men. faint hearts do not win fair ladies. be a man worth getting a good woman. until you lift yourself up from neetness, dont even think about women.

yeah well until i become a winner, i’d still like to read about other peoples rels and their rel probs, so i might better approach similar probs if i ever get a rel, which i very well may not hahahahaha.

heh. not sure if its the nyquil or the low calorie diet, but just no energy. i should LIFT but even the idea of doing 10 pushups is intimidating hehehe.

so i ate huge bowl of cereal that was HALF of my entire DAYS worth of calories hehehehe.

all the food for one day. less than 2 bowls of cereal.

to be fair, it was a HUGE bowl of cereal, 3.25 servings of cereal. 100 grams hahahaha.

http://mpcdot.com/forums/topic/7979-the-incel-revolution-starts-now/

yeah i put MPC in the permalinks. cant not recommend this great forum hahahaha.

ok. no more interviews in the Pipeline. got to apply to something today. sheeeeeeeeeeit. fook all these phaggots. bitches can suck muh d. hahaha.

do i am nowhere near as narcissistic as elliott rodger. he couldnt admit anywhere in his weak ass short 150 page manifesto that he had any responsibility. in my 148800000000000000 page manifesto, i admit my own responsibility on every page. but women do have some responsibility to not be such narcissistic, sociopathic, immoral, nihilistic, hedonistic, negroistic sluts. semen demons hahahaha. muh dick. bix nood muhfugga.

treat people better than inconvenient fetuses you abort, your own children you coldly murder!

hehehehehe.

some really truly HATEFUL black metal. pretty fast too, lots of fast blasts. this is the kind of mood i am in nao hahaha. they just came out with their first album in 10 years. since this album as a matter of fact.

sheeeeit just tortured myself for 22 minutes apply to 2 jobs hahahaha. see the thing is now, i have my choice employers that i jump to apply to…….but ive applied to 30, 40, 50 jobs with them over the last 4 months and pretty much KNOW i’m gonna get auto rejected, probably for the gap. well, with the county at least, they brought me in for 2 interviews, so, im not gonna fully say fook the county. but they DO always reject me for the 26k jobs, no interview. i think they must be telling me, set my sights higher hahahaha.

and the hospital ALWAYSSSSSSSSS rejects me, has not had me in for one real interview, but toyed with me TWICE in a very unprofessional manner. them i am veyr close to saying fook off back to africa hahahahaha. israhell.

497 jobs here. going SO slow. have slowed down SOOO much. better make the 500th a good one.

 

 

another classic muh GF has a BEST FRIEND whos a guy. NO. FOOK THAT SHIT.

 

 

good lord what a fooked up crazy bitch who is turning this guy into a crazy b as well. hope reddit doesnt jump on him for doing something wrong.  THIS is how fooked up women are, a MAN would NEVER do something this crazy. the guy is now going so crazy hes wondering if he should turn himself into the police for raep. COME ON.

 

difficult situation where guy gets feels for his female friend, she rejects him, then gets mad and calls him a nice guy creep when he decides he needs space. what will reddit say? i say the guy is in the right, and the gurl is wrong and immature. thankfully reddit seems to agree. see reddit isnt all bad.

heh. whenever i read a womans issue, i think, well why dont you just LEAVE him. why do you even CARE. why dont you just ignore and block him. just dump him. just leave him. its so easy for you women to just LEAVE men.

but its not easy when they LUV the men. then they come on to reddit and ask how can i FIX this. they dont WANT to just leave him. wish i had that kind of luv from that woman!

why do you even care about this guy? why dont you just leave him? its so easy!

and of course reddit likes to always advise “dump the mfin asshole” hahahaha

and i dont think i was THAT huge of an ASSHOLE that i needed to be dumped with SUCH extreme prejudice hehehe.

ok fair enough. ive said my piece. peace. whatever. hahaha. sheeeeeeeeeeit.

 

they say don’t confess your feelings, but always “ask her out on a date.” i am a little wtf about this. i would say, yeah dont say IM IN LUV WITH YOU COMPLETELY, play that down and be like, hey i think i might sorta like like you, so lets Go Out On A Date to Olive Garden saturday night at 6pm, I’m buying.

being sort of facetious about olive garden of course. but im not sure if i would like some swpl snob leftist shitlib who thinks theyre TOO GOOD for olive garden.

good day for men with unrequited feelings for their female friends. this should really be a new flair subcategory.

nov 5

WAITING IN THE WINGS

THATS what she thought i was doing, and thats why she was so mad at me, thought i betrayed her.

its kinda like ulterior motives, and its kinda hard to disprove, because you gotta be willing to take the person (me) at their word: i wasnt waiting in the wings, ITS NOT WHAT IT LOOKS LIKE, I SWEAR!

and its NOT what it looks like!

but it REALLY looks like that to the other person.

i mean yeah, there is just too much reasonable doubt for her. my feelings changed right as she became single? it looks just like waiting in the wings! like i was waiting to SWOOP IN!

i wasnt really waiting in the wings…..but her becoming single DID make me think and feel about her differently! like, we get along, we are good friends, maybe we should THINK about this, i never really thought about this before, because i just wasnt used to you being single ever.

does it count as waiting in the wings if you dont do anything to break the people up?

but just passively wait there? i guess so. and it makes the woman hate you more for being a passive spineless pussy hahaha.

yeah but my JSUTIFICATION was that i didnt WANT them the break up because I wasnt WAITING for her because I didnt LIKE her until AFTER she broke up with him!!!!!

so yeah that is a very exact complicated thing to understand, and she has to be willing to listen to me and try to understand it, and i can understand why she wasnt willing to try to understand it. because it reasonably LOOKS kind of shady.

but it can go both ways! and I was hoping, probably not unreasonably, that she would give me the benefit of the doubt, because i wasnt some Shady Rando, so at least LISTEN to my side of the story! Im not some damn Rando Shady Creep!

I KNOW it looks bad to you and to 50% of people. just LET ME EXPLAIN.

of course who says ITS NOT WHAT IT LOOKS LIKE, LET ME EXPLAIN?

people who are caught red handed doing something obviously, indefensibly wrong!

but i DO have a legitimate defense! thats why i wanted an arbitrator, or at least a chance to defend myself!

COULD I CONVINCE A JURY that my defense is legitimate? i think so!

because i can say that my feelings changed officially in october 2014, and she was finished with longterm in bf in june 2014…..and prob earlier.

in july 2014 i had the first rumblings but tried to ignore it.

by oct 2014 i was like im not gonna ignore this any more. i will accept this.

had a dream last night featuring woman1, the first woman i ever went crazy for. i was 20-21 and she was like 23, actually older than me. weird to think that now she is mid to late thirties and is reaching the end of her “fertility”, so if she hasn’t had children by now……..she’s fooked.

anyway it was a pleasant dream, i was holding her close and grabbing her meaty ass.

but yeah waiting in the wings is when you have ulterior motives. i didnt have ulterior motives, therefore i was not waiting in the wings. but because of the timeframe, my motives might have looked ulterior to someone who wasnt willing to listen to my side of the story ehehe.

went to church, the most beautiful girl in church came in and sat next to ME. well, about 4 seats down from me, so that I couldnt really see her without making it obvious that i was staring at her. she was wearing a knee length skirt (acceptable level of modesty for me!) and i dunno a sweater or something acceptably modest on top. but you could still tell that she was a beautiful young woman. probably a little too young. 19, 20 years old. red hair. pale white skin. tall, long legs. yes that is my weakness.

i instantly got fantasies of White Knighting and Providing and Protecting, cuddling with her, and being a Big Strong Man For Her. Protecting and Providing. VERY natural and very nondegen, pure, good, moral, nonjooified feelings. nothing pornographic or jooified.

then i thought, well, while i’m thinking that abotu her, she’s fantasizing about getting fooked by chad, or worse, tyrone. thinking about pornographic jooish SODOMY, muh dick, oh yeah i wanna suck dick, get fooked by dick, get filled up by dick and bend over for dick and get fooked hard like a little slut.

while I’m thinking of being king arthur with my gallant shit here.

well i have NO PROOF that that gurl was thinking such jooish, pornographic, sodomite shit.

in fact, the less you watch that filth, the less you think like that.

so thats why i dont watch that shit any more. but the damage is already done. i watched a lot of that jooish garbage, so now i think that way.

another thing that poisons the white mind is university/college. they basically all need to be shut down. you are scooping out healthy white minds and filling their heads with jooish pseudointellectual pornography, masturbation. turning whites into joos. its HORRIBLE.

anyway, a young gurl who goes to CHURCH of her own initiative (she was there by herself, no family or Boifran hehehehe) is probably less of a pornographic jooish sodomite in their mind, than some neet watching jooish porn all day. so she PROBABLY wasnt thinking about SODOMY. she probably doesnt need to be MANSPLAINED to about how casual sex is bad and being a slut is bad and abortion is bad. she already Implicitly KNOWS all this.

so why didnt i Ask Her Out On A Date? well terribly low confidence from being a 30+ year old neet loser. but at least my BMI is 21.3! so that means i could pull a woman of minimum BMI 31.3 HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA (hint: over 30 is OBESE)

ALSO, if you take the (age/2)+7 rule……she would be TOO YOUNG for me hahahahaha. what about +3 hahahahaha.

also, an old man came and sat between me and her. i bet he wanted to protect and provide for her too hahahaha.

but yeah the horrible pornified way of thinking is still seared in muh mind. thinking that women are these dirty nympho sluts that like to get fooked like meat. they LIKE being DEGRADED.

years of watching porno has PERMANENTLY WARPED MY MIND.

so why not just say fook it and continue watching it?

well because i think i have improved at least a little. also i just dont WANT to watch it!!!!

anyway. there was ANOTHER cute young girl in church today (usually there are none, OR lets just say they are closer to 16 than to 18, yikes) but she was not as pretty. did not have long legs, not as pale white skin, she might have even had some nonwhite in her! she was with her young BF. it was nice they were going to church together. he had dark hair too but looked a lot whiter. she could have been part arab or italian or something hahahahaha. greek. turkish. albanian.

main point is, she was wearing tight exercise pants that are NOT appropriate in church, or even at the gym. theres a thread on MPC right now about this hehehehe. supposedly its EASY and CONVENIENT to dress like this. im sure it is, but its also easy for me to wear Baggy Sweatpants that arent GLUED to my ass and crotch. it puts the womens bodies, asses, genitals on display in a vulgar, immodest, degen, jooified, sodomitic way that its like theyre barely wearing clothes at all.

flanders feels like im wearin nothin at all!.wav

abwvo4u

stupid sexy flanders

so thats the damn POINT. its just as QUICK and EASY and CONVENIENT to wear something more MODEST.

it would be like MEN wearing SPEEDO or that stupid borat Onesie everywhere. to walmart. to church.

but thats not SECSY!!!!!!

the way an 18 year old girl with 21 BMI is !

well borat has a healthy BMI too, he’s not a fat slob, just Hairy and Gross.

well my point is. its immodest clothing that shows too damn much of your naked body!

(yes flanders of all people should know better!)

anyway i am wearing a pair of large sweatpants and they are super big. i could probably wear medium and it would be just fine. and that would be fine for most women too. why cant you just wear non-skin-tight sweatpants instead of super-skin-tight YOGA pants???!?!?!??!?!

isnt it HARD to STUFF yourself into pants that are SO TIGHT they show every curve of your ass?

JUST WEAR SWEATPANTS.

theres this fashion idea that sweatpants are the Least Sexy Thing Ever.

YOU DONT NEED TO LOOK SEXY ALL THE TIME!!!!!!!!

In fact, you really don’t EVER need to look SEXY. Not even in the Bedroom.

you dont need to look sexy at the gym, at the store, in public, at church.

so yeah. its JOOISH and PORNOGRAPHIC and SODOMITIC for everything to be so goddamn sexualized. you dont NEED to look SEXY!!!!!!!! its not BAD to not look sexy! just because youre not looking SEXY doesnt mean you have to look like a people of walmart fat slob!!!!!!!

dont wear skintight sexy clothes to the gym, which is a PUBLIC PLACE with lots of horny nonwhites who LOVE staring at young healthy women in skintight clothing!!!!!!

so yeah i hate this “its easy and comfortable” excuse.

and i liked that That Woman never dressed like that.

TO MY KNOWLEDGE hahahahahaha.

here’s two qt gurls, at CHURCH, and its obvious that one GET IT, and the other has NO IDEA.

thing is, the gurl wearing skintight pants to church probably ISNT a huge whore, she’s just a 18 year old gurl who doesnt know any better. and her father is either Gone, or Weak, or he’s a fat sodomite slob who jerks off to pictures of 20 year old girls wearing YOGA PANTS. its just what young girls wear nowadays. OH GOODY. MORE HOT ASSES TO JERK OFF TO. I think they are honestly so dense that they dont see that their OWN DAMN DAUGHTER LOOKS LIKE THAT. otherwise they would forbid their daughter from wearing clothes like that and looking like a damn SLUT.

i got a great idea: rent a car, DRIVE TO COLORADO, buy a LOT of MJ, then very carefully drive the car back over several states hahahaha. yeah thats prob a felony sooooo i dont advocate or support or recommend this. just wondering if people DO do it.

https://www.google.com/webhp?sourceid=chrome-instant&ion=1&espv=2&ie=UTF-8#q=smuggling%20weed%20out%20of%20colorado

http://www.pbs.org/newshour/updates/illegal-crossing-heres-weed-authorities-confiscated-nebraska-colorado-border/

http://www.usatoday.com/story/news/2016/05/13/when-smuggling-colo-pot-not-even-skys-limit/83623226/

http://bigbudsmag.com/beware-the-highway-police-vultures-br-waiting-to-swoop-on-marijuana-transporters/

https://www.washingtonpost.com/politics/at-colorados-borders-a-dividing-line-over-marijuana/2014/07/26/729c6462-06ac-11e4-bbf1-cc51275e7f8f_story.html

yeayea wapo is jooish trash i know

anyway its probably not worth it, they still bust a lot of people in nebraska and kansas it seems.

hmmm this is tuffer than im not haaaaaaaappy i think i wanna open our rel. this is yasssss i want to get MARRIED but i ALSO want to do this just this one time.

DUMP THE BITCH!

DITCH THE BITCH AND LETS GO FISHIN!!!!!!!

your not in a rel anymore, she dumped you, so you dont get to be mad about her fooking other guys!!!! hahahaha.

this is why you dont end the rel until you MOVE OUT FIRST.

THEN dump the guy.

THEN start fooking other guys super quickly and sending them noods.

just normal 21 yo gurl shit.

i mean a 21 year old should know shit is gonna get weird when you dump a guy, break his heart, THEN CONTINUE TO LIVE WITH HIM.  HOW DID YOU THINK HE WAS GONNA FEEL? HAPPY THAT YOU WERE BANGING OTHER GUYS RIGHT IN FRONT OF HIM AFTER YOU DUMPED HIM AND STILL LIVING WITH HIM?

why do they HAVE to add insult to injury? isnt it enough just to INJURE someone hahahaha.

why couldnt she just suck it up for 2 months until the lease ends, then be like, yep im dumping you, have a good life; OR find somewhere else to stay; OR be more private with her slut shit and not RUB IT IN HIS FACE.

Ive never been in OP’s situation THANK GOD, but i STILL know the right thing to do! and i prob would have known when i was a 21 year old idiot! because i have EMPATHY, unlike these WOMEN!

WOMEN HAVE NO EMPATHY!!!! MEN HAVE MUCH MORE EMPATHY THAN WOMEN!!!!!

oh so its HIS fault because he’s not SUCCESSFUL enough that he DROVE her to cheating, and her not wanting to fix the rel. i hate seeing men who are not at fault, BLAME themselves like its their damn fault their gf is trash!!!!!!!!

 

DEEP IN THE ACTION

june 12

so i do need to Jump On It, and Get Deep In The Action re New Job Search, because things are not looking good re the stupid job i was hoping to get called back to. heard a bunch of the higher ups left and the sh1t really hit the fan. restructuring and whatnot.

so it will prob take a week to get the 10 or 12 puffs of wiid i took over the week out my my system.

oh yeah part of the fun we had was to develop a new language full of ridiculous phrases that were repeated many many times throuhgout the week. can’t say the most obvious ones for anonymity purposes, but “deep in the action” was a good example which i look forward to using in my day to day life.

anyway. point is. job search. ok. gotta go to temp office. use the new social skills i was able to observe. look for english tutoring jobs, private skool jobs, chess tutor jobs, maybe math tutor at like mathnasium or something becuase the college is not hirin math tutors, and if they were, it would only be part time at 9 bucks an hour.

because math tutor is a stepping stone job, hehehehe.

but you might meet an ambitious young man who can get you a fulltime assistant job at his company. hehehe. i met several such ambitious young men and was able to hide my nonambition well enough to talk to them like a normalfag and have fun with then. so you can too.

i even confessed i was lazy and really didn’t want to do a masters degree until i was convinced it would really Add Value. then kinda bullsh1tted that my ideal masters degree would be “an intersection of information science, information security, computer science, and math.”

which really is not too far off from the truth!!!! with a job in that field you could make way more than the loser threshold of 36k a year, and prob enough for lower middle class…..if not middle middle class! and as we said before, i am a huge SUCKER for middle class women. despite my heart always being with the working class.

put post it notes on the wall by your bed to remind you of the things you need to do. to do list, if you will.

clean your room with dusting and vacuuming once every three months.

exercise is more important than writing or blogging or really just about anything else except for straight up paid work.

try to listen to music more. use spotify or whatever to make a Party Mix of crowd pleasing songs, with like 5% of the weird songs you like to listen to that would not be crowd pleasers. try to keep the songs under 10 minutes hehehe. hip hop hits from the 90s are always a good idea. will smith. and nothing too deep or weird, we are looking for songs that people actually sort of know. with weird new stuff at only 5 to 10% to BOIL THE FROG and subtly peak the interest but not overwhelm.

heh. i was talking to this guy who was getting rip roaring drunk, he was an absolutely hilarious and wild and crazy guy, unfortunately also a leftist but i can get along with leftists regardless, who had a pretty sweet tutoring/coaching job with no masters degree, and we briefly talked about my situation and how it compared to the situation he was in a year ago, before he got this new job in a new town and his life did a 180. talked briefly about masters degrees, i tried to spin things to make myself sound confident and normal, when he asked me what is my passion, what have i loved doing ever since i was 2 years old, and i struggled in answering that question, before saying the usual about writing and film, possib documentaries. then spun it towards my thing about “info science with comp sci and math.” which he agreed sounded bretty good. but he was getting epic drunk at the time off a ridic bacardi 151 drank.

june 12

Homework 4 You: go to spotify and create a new playlist called something like Social Fun Mix So You can meet gurls, make frands, and lose your kissless virginity.

then browse thru the spotify premade playlists and put songs you know and like on it, from playlists like DANCE and HIP HOP and RAP and TOP 40 and HITS and Hits Across the decades. throw some dancey hipster crap in there too. throw a bit of classic rock type songs. the rule is, it must be fun and or upbeat.

I listen to real weird stuff and would not make this weird stuff more than 5% of the list, becuase that will turn your party into a sausage party.

yeah it sucks to pander to the pvssy, but you got to give them fun music to dance to as they get drunk and dance at yer party. you can’t just play just noise music or death metal or something.

ok i spent an hour doing that. it was fun. just going through like 50 premade playlists and ctrl clicking and adding to my playlist the songs i liked or felt would be effective vaj tinglers, not too weird or creepy, fun, party songs. some of which are actually good, like van morrison or temptations or paul simon or phil collins, police, michael jackson, etc.

remember, nothing too weird. you can do 5% weird TOPS.

 

POSTBAC, SECOND DEGREE, SECOND MAJOR

june 15

ok by this time this blog should be hugely popular because i am publishing every day. 4 months is too much, 3 months is just right. ok. now pay me 38k a year and give me a true luvly gurl.

maybe get a social skills book intended for kids with autism.  because you might now have autism but your social skills are as bad as an autists.

ok i run out of paxil on friday and have to visit the doc to get a refill. i will try to get in to the doc on friday. and then really pump him for the drugs i want: namely, a tricyclic (old skool anti “depressant” which for some reason i think is more powerufl and effective than the modern stuff, but i could be wrong) and a benzo. maybe get the nonbenzo anxiety thing buspar as well. i mean you don’t have to get ALL the rx’s filled, but this is your one shot to get them.

try to get as many rx’s as possible when you are in there with the doc for 15 minutes.

yesterday i was trying to find the cheapest yet decent reputation online skool and found a program at oregon state univ where you could complete a BS of computer science as a POSTBACC thing, meaning you screwed up the first time and got the wrong degree the first time, like me, and you want to fix that and get the right bachelors degree, but without all the fluff. can be completed in 1 year if you’re super ambitious.

60 credits. all degrees should be like this. you should not have 60 additional credits of marxism on top of that.

60 credits times 460 dollars per credit, coming to about 27k for the 60 credit computer science degree.

this looked real good. i think a Postbac might be what i’m looking for. right up my alley. i just forget it exists.

but colleges should work FOR you with all the money you’re paying. ie I should go to the local university and make them do an online compsci postbac for me, and hopefully for a better price. I would pay maybe….14k for that degree. but 27k is way too much, i can’t afford that without taking out a stupid gayass loan and I’m not gonna do that!!!!!!

well the term POSTBAC is moreso geared towards premed, dental, health stuff. though i see no reason why it could not be applied to sciences or engin, i guess the bigboys don’t use the word like that yet.

also look up “SECOND DEGREE” or even “SECOND MAJOR.”

you gotta know these terms so you know what to search for, so you can find ANYTHING.

really what i want is a SECOND MAJOR. i don’t want a full degree. i already have a full useless degree. I just want to ideally add the minimum of useful courses to give the effect of having a useful degree like engin and compsci.

heh. when i talked to my old frand i went to middle class elite college with, he said he had a sh1tty job at a coffee place with a real d1ck manager / franchise owner, who was such a d1ck everybody quit. later my frand went to the bank and saw the guy working as a teller there. the kicker was, he was an ENGIN grad from that very same prestigious college that I daily regret i did not get an engin degree from. where ALL the engin grads make 80k a year right out of school. and here was this loser working at the bank.

also my frand has a gurlfran who is trying to get some decent high school related administrative jobs. i axed him where’d she get her masterz degree and he said she didn’t have one. that gave me hope, because she was interviewing for some not bad jobs. with just a bachelors degree.

so both these things made me feel better about muh self, hahaha.

how about u.

YOU DON’T NEED A MASTERZ DEGREE!!!! NOT EVERYONE IS GETTING A MASTERZ DEGREE!!!! IF YOU DON’T WANT A MASTERZ DEGREE (and there are many good reasons not to want to get one!) THEN JUST DON”T GET ONE!!!!!!

of course i have been thinking about doing the “health information technology” thing at the community college again.  would that be a better return on investment than a second major in compsci. would that make finding a job easier. that is really the main thing for me. it is f00king impossible to find a job for me. i would rather get a lower paying job easier, than a higher paying job harder, because for me, it would be a LOTTTTTTT infinitely harder.

erm a 60 credit second major/degree in compsci seems better than a 72 credit assoc degree in health info tech. BUT the latter might be cheaper because the credits would be like 100 dollars and not 460 dollars. YIKES.

but a compsci person prob makes more than an HIT person. right? or do they just become bank tellers. and pine about gurls they knew when they were 20 but never touched, until they are 40. hahahahaha. not that they touch them when they are 40. no no. i was referring to the pining. well perhaps that never ends, not at 40, not at 60, not until you die.

that’s why the good lord created tricyclics and benzos!

maybe ECT. I hear ECT is practically like erasing your memory. wouldn’t mind that!!!!

BIGGER LOSERS THAN ME

may 2

yeah buddy. was feeling superbad about jobs and being a loser so i went for a second powerwalk to get to 4.8 miles for the day. nice.

probably the best thing i can do is, contact my “current” job mgr and ask them for an “ETA” on my rehire.

my other aces in the hole are, going to a staffing agency, and lying mah ballz off. just lying and being more full of sh1t than ever before, in order to tell them exactly what they want to hear.

maybe going to the docker and demanding a sh1tload of prozac and a sh1tload of buspar so i can function throughout the day and not freak out and quit the job.

bring a one sheeter to the docker and know exactly which drugs you want. you will want to pick off the $4 rx list because of course you don’t have good health care. but you can get prozac and buspar off there. sh1t i am pretty sure str8 up XANAX can be got in a generic that is not horribly expensive.

but don’t expect your docker to know all this, or to know the name of the drug, or to write it for a generic, that’s why you bring in a one sheeter and tell him EXACTLY what you want!

you should be able to get a visit for less than $100. I know I can get a visit for like $80. so save up $80 or put it on your credit card. make sure the office takes credit cards. not all of them do!

and then lie your balls off to show you are not just GOOD, but PERFECT, and take tons of meds to keep you from K’ing yourself because of your job. the end. hehehehe.

now once you get the job, do eveyrthing you can to get ahead. suck up, show how smart you are, etc. sometimes a company actually will promote you because they can see you are smarter than everyone else, and then you become assistant manager in under a year.  extreme example, but still.

at my job there is a clique of “cool kids” which I should be kissing their A’s harder, and bringing in coffee for them. that is how you suck up, you come in with like 10 tim hortons coffees. even though there is a coffee machine there you can make folgers with. I always drink a ton of folgers and never buy tim hortons. this will be my downfall if i don’t correct course (another great buzzword.)

i wonder how can they stack all these trays of coffee cups in their car and drive without spilling all the stuff. that honestly is my main concern.

plus i am noticing more d1ckheads than i did at first. like, do all these people really NEED to be such 4ssholes? I did the job without being such a huge 4sshole.

if paxil and prozac are both similar ssri’s, it is possible that one would have a drastically different effect over the other? because muh paxil does nothing, and i would hope prozac would make a drastic difference. like cure muh laziness and make me a hard worker and make me motivated to get a useful masterz degree and enter the middle class and get a nice lower middle class career job and a lower middle class wief who doesn’t gain 9000000000 pounds the instant she hits 30.

i argue you can have several children each with a different woman and be a good father to each of the children. that way if one woman sucks, you can minimize your involvement with her, but still work with her to be a parent to that child, and then have a better woman for your next wife. wives are like CARS. they get sh1tty after a few years, then you gotta get a new one.

who cares. just worry about banging cute 18 yo’s first, and sowing your wild oats.

and also finding a ft job that you can stay at for a few years. damn. f00k.

sh1t who cares if you don’t get promoted. just a place you can not quit or not get laid off for two good years. DAMN.

i’ve actually met people who were bigger losers than me. sort of. one guy had a valid excuse, because he never finished his bach degree, and also he had huge health problems.

and this one guy who got laid off and then remained laid off for like 4 years, hehehe.

and all the guys in prison are bigger losers than me! but I have never actually MET them hehehe. I am thinking of people I’ve actually met in person.

i know plenty of people who never finished their degree, but they are still gainfully employed and getting pvssy. well, it’s not great pvssy, hehehehe.

anyone who finished their degree and became a loser? Nope, only me. Everyone else got masterz degreez and good middle class masterz degree jobz and wives.

so, obvious answer is, get a masterz degree. take out loanz and just do it, and odds are i will prob get a decent job afterwards.  so just do it already. i can assure you i would know well enough to not get a useless masterz degree. I would get something heavily STEM oriented.

i would also do everything i could to Kiss A with my professors, hang out with them before and after class, and pump them for names of contacts at companies who could get me a job. ideally i would get a masters degree job even before officially completing the masterz degree. at the very latest, then the second after graduating. no later. the entire PURPOSE of getting a masterz degree is to get a GOOD JOB.

sh1t the entire purpose of getting a bach degree should be to get a good job!

well I’m sorry LORD, I done f00ked it up. please give me the strength and the COURAGE to unf00k it.