sun nov 12

mar 27

yep here at 652 am, all dressed up, showered, ready to go, prob have one more explosive BM in 10 minutes, then go and have productive, powerful, valuable, value-adding, value-making day hahahaha.

hmm 7:15 of sleep last night, not great hahahahaha. see how the best laid plans go awry. went to bed at 8pm. numbers are point to near 9 hours of sleep needed. ok fine. deal with it.jpg. really SHOULD go to bed at 7:15 pm then but that would just look too weird.

checked email, calendar, before going to job here.

the story of the student who spent 12 hours working a 12 hour midnight shift in a machine shop then feel asleep the next morning because he was going to COLLEGE in the am and working 12 hours during the night. holy shit. i can barely work 6 hours of an easy job then do ANYthing afterwards, let alone go to a 3 hour college class in the morning hahahaha.

and i actually had a little energy today! not sure where that came from hahaha since i “only” got 7:15 of sleep last night.

normal people work 12 hour shifts at night from…. 8pm to 8am, making 10 dollars an hour, so they can take a class from 9am to 1pm that gets them 1% closer to becoming qualified to compete for 14 dollar an hour jobs hahahaha.

its amazing. i never knew that normies worked so HARD. i figured that the normal normie was LAZY like me. most people go for the path of LEAST RESISTANCE, right? its why so many people are so GROTESQUELY OBESE. because fatty food is cheap and unlimited, and people cant CONTROL THEMSELVES. so how can they control themselves to become damn WORKAHOLICS? but they cant control themselves not to become GROTESQUELY obese? something just doesnt make sense here!!!!!

ok maybe they save all their self control for work, so they dont have any left when it comes to eating. that MUST be how it works.

well then how come they arent PROFLIGATE drinkers or opioid poppers either?

because THE RULE IS, you have enough self control to keep you from being hopelessly addicting from All Things But ONE. Pick One. every person has ONE tragic flaw. not two, but one and only one hahahahaha.

sooo……..how come plenty of other people are opioid poppers AND huge losers who can’t work? thats TWO tragic flaws hahahahaha.

basically in order to be a normie successful adult so you can have an ok wife and take care of your children and make 30k a year, you have to be willing to work 12 hour midnight shifts and THEN go to SKOOL afterwards for YEARS until you get your degree and can then afford to have a wife and a family. if you’re not willing to work that HARD for that LONG, you dont deserve a family of your own hahahahahahahaha.

well whats WRONG with that?

well, other than that is my RULE for Why I can never get married and have children!

what else….

oh well i just never wanted to be a WORKAHOLIC, so that’s why im a huge loser now. all those drug bums sucking dick on the streets, the only reason they’re like that is not because they werent willing to WORK, but because they werent willing to be WORKAHOLICS.

i only want to work 40 hours a week and not an hour more, that is why i’m a HUGE LOSER AT LIFE. see, something doesnt add up hahahaha.

just remember. the qt nice perfect gurl you want to buy FLOWERS for, is just some more manly guys DIRTY BUTTSLUT. taking it up the ass from guys she just met at COLLEGE in a drunken orgy. and you want to be all nice and pedestally and white knight to THAT? a dirty BUTT SLUT??!?!?!!

oh but she’s special TO ME. yeah well to other men she is just a dirty butt slut literally taking it up the ass. you can’t undo that.

heh sorry i am watching a law and order SVU about College Raep Epidemic of innocent gurls getting GangReaped at Frat Parties by evil hwyte boys.

the hunting ground.mov

college sluts who get gang reaped then go to psych ward for 2 years end up becoming more successful in life than me hahahahaha. get out of the psych ward, go back to skool, get masters degree as a raep crisis counselor, MA.

oh god i really am horrible. no i dont think any gurl deserves to get raeped, even the ones who are literally asking for it. white men dont raep women ever, period, not even the dirtiest trashiest fatherless butt sluts.

you know what kind of men DO raep women? negros. joos. arabs. any hwyte man who raeps a woman is basically a race traitor.

goddamn. ate too much at dinner again.

also saw at least one beautiful hwyte young college gurl today, wearing jeans that I as her father would not let her wear. why do they have to wear pants that are SO TIGHT? i know we are not ARABS who need our women in BURKA DURKAS, but my god, I thought MODESTY was a hwyte virtue!

how about a nice long skirt? how about pants that DONT perfectly cling to your buttocks, legs, thighs, hips like a Second Skin???!?!?!?!!?! damn!

i just hate the thought of women i Luved going off and being dirty butt sluts. A woman should NEVER, EVER be a dirty butt slut, EVER. its not just some PHASE you go through when you are 18 to 21. NO. NEVER. EVER. EVER.

well its hard to believe i even GOT feelings for her (not really). i mean these “all women are dirty sluts” thoughts are nothing new for me, i’ve been thinking this way since i was like 13 hahahahahahahaha.

but the reason its not surprising i feel in luv with her was, she was YOUNG, she was HWYTE, she didnt have any KIDS, she was very NICE to me, and we were FRIENDS and built up some closeness, we KNEW each other.  also she was a Solid 7, Not Potatoey, Long Legs, very whyte skin, there were no real dealbreakers about her physically. like being a stumpy potato or nonwhyte or old or blatantly Haggishly Fugly is really it for me.

anyway this is dead horse shit. not even interesting.

well bitcoin coming back up again thank GOD.

i felt pretty good until I came home, THEN i felt like a lazy bum who didnt want to be a workaholic to survive. when i am Working On The Clock, i feel a LITTLE bit more normie. well unless I think, this doesnt COUNT, this is not a proper normie bigboy job. then yeah that  thought sucks too.

i guess ALL of it is technically WAY better than being a 100% jobless neet.

great TITS on that marishka hargitay, even if she is a manfaced lanternjaw manjaw. would totally bang.

and i dont mean to minimize the rest of her body by saying she has GREAT TITS. im sure she probably has a BRETTY GOOD ass as well!!!!

hehehe. this is what the LORD has destined for me, to be constantly AT WAR with women. yeah MOST of that is ON ME, i fully admit it……but SOME of it is on them. they dont HAVE to be so horrible. yeah its all da jooz fault. but god damn. cant they RESIST the jooing even a TINY bit? no! they LUV it! they LUV being negro whores!!!!!

not all women! some women, it DOES bother them on some deep level, and they say, there must be more to life than this. than being chad, tyrone, and achmed’s dirty butt slut on instagram and tinder.

even the women i knew in COLLEGE to be HUGE SLUTS werent as big of sluts as the Fictional Slut in my MIND, this horrible fantasy nightmare of the sluttiest slut who ever existed (but who really NEVER existed.) sure, plenty of women are slutty and gross, but not THIS slutty and gross.

if i could Literally make a CAREER out of slut shaming I would. I would WILLINGLY, EAGERLY get a MASTERS DEGREE in it.

What would YOU get a masters degree in?

well ok that one doesnt exist. what are my safety nets.

Joo Exposing. Eradicating Jooish Degeneracy.

nope sorry that one doesnt exist either.

becoming and UNbecoming a Neet Loser. i guess that one might exist, as a counselor, therapist, psychologist, social worker, shrink.

so THATS what I should become then? a SOCIAL WORKER??????? a COUNSELOR?

oh yeah. marriage and relationship counselor. that would also be good hahaha. man woman relshits i mean ships.

from a very unpozzed, hwyte, nonjooish perspective.

but all education/training/research in this fields is HEAVILY jooed, as is basically anything thats not a hard stem science. you literally CANNOT ESCAPE it if you want to get the degree and work in the field.

and plenty of people leave the field and become Customer Service Agents because that pays better and they have mouths to feed.

which you can totally do without a Masters Degree, even in Current Year.

Can’t say that will ALWAYS be the case though.

WHAT A WORLD that would be. in 2027, you wont even be able to get a job in a Customer Service Call Center unless you have a MASTERS DEGREE in Customer Service. HOLY FOOK.

oh sorry. you have a masters degree in customer service but not a masters degree in customer service in a phone call center, looks like YOUR masters degree was in face to face customer service.

right major, but wrong CONCENTRATION hahahaha.

shit think i drank too much coffee today. might not be able to sleep tonight even though i plan on going to bed at decent hour. damn.

you know who doesnt think every woman is a degenerate slut?

chad normies who have been with 1 woman every 2 years since age 18 who are average hard workers who get average bachelors degrees in business related stuff and average 35k a year jobs at age 22, get married by 28, have a kid by 30. raise their kids to not be racist like the terrible older generations. cant take the kids around their racist great-grandparents. smh. those uneducated racists just lived in different times and didnt know any better.

well can you prove to me it ISNT White Systemic Racism that causes all the social problems of The Blacks? you cant! just like YOU cant prove that its all because of their Race!

ok. so its impossible to prove a negative. you cant prove that this ISNT the case. so youre right. I CANT prove it ISNT whtie racism. you cant prove it isnt jooish racism hahahaha. i CAN prove it IS jooish racism! you cant prove it IS hwyte racism!

i clearly need to get back to muh GLR, i am going Nutty.

im just jelly of normie adults. i just want to BE one but its so god damn hard. such a god damn struggle. they WORKED harder than I did, but I think I STRUGGLED MORE than THEM.

too bad the Struggle wasn’t worth more WORK. hahahaha. then i would be making like 35k a year and married a nonslut.

thats the problem with struggling. its even more exhausting than work, but COUNTS for much LESS.  it gets you NOWHERE, AND it wears you out and makes you less likely to do the work that IS actually worth something.

damn.

sheeeeeeit. again ate wayyyyy too much today. god damn. really got to stop this.

so i thought that my interest in race was a part of my “dad phase”, where i wanted to have children but wasn’t man enough, so i will have children symbolically through My Race.

but then today i thought, well its more than just Having Children, it’s Relating To Women as well. the natural connection between men and women, which then leads to children. I dont have children but kinda want children, so i project that onto Race. I don’t have a waifu but I want a (hwyte) waifu….so I project that onto Race as well. these are both pretty big desires, so thus I am a HUGGGGGGGEEEEEEEEEE racist. Which I proudly AM. I FOOKING LUV BEING HWYTE.

i mean its only logical. really our race is just a product of thousands of years of hwyte men and hwyte women getting together and having hwyte children!!!!!!! that is Race 101 right there!

ok. so i am obsessed with My Hwyte Race because I am obsessed with Women, with Children, with my own sense of Failure and needing something to cling to. SO WHAT. the only one that’s kinda BAD is that third one.

so….you’re saying if i HAD a woman, I wouldn’t CARE about RACE so much??!?!?!

who the fook am I arguing with here hahahahahaha. i mean this isnt even really fun, its just boring.

when i was in luv with that woman, i didn’t suddenly throw muh race under the bus. i was still very pro-hwyte.

the bottom line is, i’ve been pretty much blatantly pro-white since 2012, before this blog began, i was just more careful back then not to talk about it so blatantly, cuz it was still kinda new and scary.

you think young joos are consciously trying to genocide the goy? fook no! even as they get older i dont think this is ever their conscious goal….however ENDING RACISM certainly IS. and I would argue that there methods of ENDING RACISM are inherently harmful to hwytes.

basically, anti-racist is code for anti-white.

keep asking them questions, keep asking how and why, and eventually anti racists will just end up shaking their heads and saying something like, well look, its just karma, whites reap what they have sown. you cant oppress so many people for so long and not have a backlash, and i am willing to see my race pay the reparations now for all the evil shit they did in the past. i’m not that attached to my whiteness. i don’t care if my children and grandchildren are mixed race. i love diversity! i live and work with people of all races! i would totally marry and have kids with another race! i’m white and i freely admit whites have basically been the worst group of people in history and it’s only FAIR that whites PAY THE TOLL.

this is the sentiment you will find in white leftists and its sickening.

i never was coherent enough to question them to that logical conclusion but i have been present where essentially other people questioned them to that conclusion.

it sounds bad guys, but maybe those evil apartheid fascist boers in south africa just need to die off already. i don’t think racists like that could be helped. just lock them up away from everyone so they cant oppress anyone. they’ll never open their minds. they’ll never changed. they can’t be fixed. there’s so many Old White Racists like that. I cant bring my Grandparents Anywhere. they’re too old to learn. Sad! at least our younger generation knows better and can teach OUR children not to be RACIST.

GO FUCH YASELF.

I won’t teach my kids to be racist or not to be racist, and they will probably learn to be racist just by observing Life. And White Racist Systems Turning Blacks into Easily-Blamable Victims hahahaha.

hey two can play at this hidden wizard of oz behind the curtain bullshit.

so THEIR idea is bullshit of a hwyte man being behind the curtain, but MY idea of da jooz being behind the curtain is totally NOT bullshit?!?!?!

HALP ME GLR hahahahaha

its not the idea of someone being behind a curtain that’s bullshit hehehehe. that is totally not a bullshit metaphor, but a very useful and true one hahahaah.  really ive been into this metaphor for basically my whole life. regardless of political orientation. its just the idea of things not being what they seem. take the red pill hahaha.

am i just hyped up from drinking coffee all day? yeah probably a little.

am i excited from seeing that beautiful 20 year old hwyte gurl earlier today? well now that you mention it, she was very beautiful hahahahaha. but wasnt really thinking about that.

i was walking with an older man when that girl stepped in front of us. he certainly saw her too and maybe even got excited for a second. until he immediately realized that holy shit, he has a daughter who is almost that age. and all the men are gonna be ogling her. i can’t let them out of the house wearing jeans like that.

all this went through my mind in a matter of seconds after the girl appeared hahahaha.

i’ll allow the guy a second of excitement. but i would be disappointed in him if he didn’t immediately take the perspective of The Good Father. because he DOES have a daughter around that age and I DO think he is trying his damnedest to BE a good father! I like and respect the guy in other words.

he has several children in that age bracket. that college age bracket where SO MUCH SHIT can go SO WRONG. where it went so wrong for me. so naturally i am interested in seeing how he guides his children through that. will they become total fookups like me? or will they become successful middle class professionals like HIM?

it is fairly obvious hahahaha. he is guiding them to useful career paths, useful internships, and is probably aware if they have any Severe Emotional Issues hahahahaha.

mar 28
ok 645 am here , getting my morning stuff in hehehe. had weird dream. i was watching a “weird japanese movie” which was the frame for a very realistic story where it was basically me in the movie, fallling in luv with a Manic Pixie Dream Girl who was clearly damaged and disturbed and more than a little kinky and passionate. we enjoyed a passionate affair in a hotel for a few days then she had to leave and she was sad and I was heartbroken. I watched her leave and as she left, she began flirting with a sleazy mocha-skinned guy and smiling and flirting with him and got into a car with him. replaced me with this guy less than 30 mins after leaving me. wow. i was a complicated mix of emotions. yeah i shoulda known better to get mixed up with a MPDG cuz this was TEXTBOOK behavior, but i was lonely and the gurl was young, qt, and throwing herself at me.

also continues the theme of there being movies in my dreams that sometimes recur. often “lars von trier” movie is code for “extremely fooked up nightmare.” this movie was a “japanese” movie called “akira” that was really more of a degenerate jooish thing as a “edgy coming of age love secs story” than anything “japanese”, other than the japanese can ne extremely secsually degenerate, and i suppose that could be a jooish thing.

earlier in the dream i was with muh fam on The Super Rich side of town. we stopped at this extremely lavish hotel type luxury building with hebrew letters. i was like uhhh this is a jooish building, lets stay out of here, i dont care how nice it looks.

we went inside, it was very “nice” and luxurious and opulent. i didnt know if it would be filled with joos but that was my fear, and that they would try to take advantage and humiliate us goys. i was heavily on guard. there were actually some fairly normie looking touristy people like us. i couldnt tell what they were – joo or no joo hahahaha. i put them under heavy khazar/ashkenazi suspicion.

at some point this morphed into the above dream which also took place in a luxurious hotel i think.

7:05 hours of sleep even though i got to bed at proper correct time of 8 pm. just didnt fall asleep till 930 though. yeah prob did drink too much coffee during the day.

i always “like” to try to “FIGURE THINGS OUT” by THINKING about them a LOT, that i think i can think my way through things. but really i just end up OVERTHINKING everything and very often coming to a…..distorted, exagerrated, overly negative conclusion.

its not completely 180 off, maybe just 90 hahaha. so it bears some relation to the truth. mixing lies with the truth is the most effective and damaging kind of lie hahaha. it ruined muh life!

about to leave to go to job here. today would liek to again go to bed at 8 pm, drink less coffee, and DEFINITELY eat less food, ate WAY too much food yesterday and went like 500 calories over. DAMN. maybe do something productive at job. at least come across as charming and normie and nice and willing and able. try to take some phone calls and dispense some confident, authoritative advice: no, you cannot do this, and here’s why. no can do, you don’t have to like it, talk to our legal team, they’ll tell you the same thing, and frankly, they’re not even gonna waste their time calling you back. Good Bye.

later

funny its not the work day that kills me, like it did before. i am adjusting as well as i can to a very favorable environment! but the challenge begins when i get OUT and go HOME, just the STREAM of constant self recrimination of being a lazy loser bum, when you cant legitimately have those thoughts WHILE you are currently Working On The Clock, being productive, so therefore the solution is to be working 40 hours a week or 80 hours a week as opposed to….30 hours a week. workaholics who work 12 hour midnight shifts THEN go to college and stay INSANELY, workaholically BUSY.

https://www.vice.com/en_us/article/what-its-like-taking-a-grown-mans-virginity?utm_source=vicetwitterus

if they werent CREEPY HWYTE WOMEN HATERS, THEY WOULDNT BE VIRGINS WHEN THEY ARE 20+ YEARS OLD! SOMETHINGS CLEARLY WRONG WITH THESE WOMAN HATING NICEGUYTMS!!!! THINKING THEY ARE ENTITLED TO WOMENS BODIES!!!!!

what a BAD CREEPY MAN, he didnt tell you he was a virgin until AFTERWARDS hahahaha. like youd allow him to bang your n>900000 ass if you knew he was a creepy, broken VIRGIN beforehand!

this slut has taken the virginity of AT LEAST FOUR men who were 20+ year old virgins. multiple 30 year old virgins. wow.

well just keep in mind this is a horrible VICE WRITER.

http://archive.is/BkVWY

archive of shitty article. wheres the comments

no comments. damn. anyway these are actually shitty vice readers who are all huge sluts who dont thinkg anything is weird about having secs with a guy drunkenly you have just met. its normal to Blow your manager At Work.  and all the guys have Issues of course, and the women are just looking for a Quick Fook, not to help a guy with his Issues and be his first GF. let somebody else do that. hahahaha. except that never happens. maybe he bangs a few more dirty sluts.

so if i bang a dirty slut, am obligated to tell her beforehand that i havent banged a gurl in 13 years hahahaha? that i have only really banged 1 gurl a total of 2 times? i mean how much am I really supposed to TELL them? am i supposed to tell them all of that? i guess i can understand telling them youre a VIRGIN hahaha.

well ii guess i would say, i’m CLOSE to a virgin but i just want to add another notch to the belt today and youre it babe, just let me bang you and lets get this bullshit over with and hopefully i can find a better woman than you to have an actual rel with. so i hope you were jsut looking for a quick fook and nothing more hahahahaha.

ok done. got what im going to say next time i bang a slut. it’ll happen, i’m fairly confident, and it probably wont be pretty. it probably will be a dirty high number slut who is drunk. i dont know how old or good looking they will be. i am hoping for younger and qter. they will be somewhat crazy. crazier than me! but hopefully not too much.

wewlad. glad to get what im gonna say out of the way. now just gotta find a slut who is willing to bang a short old loser who hasnt banged a woman in many years and is ALMOST a virgin.

welp its still better than being a virgin. i think the majority of men lose their man virginity with dirty sluts rather than with a special GF qt high school sweetheart type gurl. so just be grateful if you can pull a good looking slut rather than a bad looking one. thankfully i did. unthankfully i never pulled a woman ever again hahahahaha. maybe because i wanted another qt gurl and didnt want a goddamn road hog. heh. well after that slut i swore ok im done with SLUTS, i want the NEXT gurl I bang to be a serious GF. that went over like a lead balloon. i actually lost a chance to bang another slut that i wish i had taken now. not like the slut would have had any trouble find a cock to fill her up. might as well have been me. good luck trying to find a man to commit to you now, ya used up skank hahaha. well at least she is super successful in life haha. probably associates with a lot of successful men as well. where she has to downplay what a huge whore she is hahahaha.

no i dont care. i just really thought i would ahve been able to pull another slut in 13 years! but in the real world, even SLUTS are hard for low-confidence omega men to pull! when i pulled those sluts before, i was in a weird college world, where automatically me being there meant i had potentially high status. but in the real world, where i have really low status, i cant even pull SLUTS.  until i raise my status. which i have been struggggggggling to do, with no success.

its hard to believe these WOMEN are actual PEOPLE! living human BEINGS like you and me!

well that makes me sound like a sociopath. yes i can believe they are human beings, but they just seem like different BREEDS, sort of liek the races seem like different BREEDS, which is a word GLR wisely, aptly, correctly uses in WP. that is a great way to think about races.

not sure if its a great way to think about men vs women though.

besides, GOD has made it my mission in life, my cross to bear, to be in constant conflict with women. with the final goal MAYBE being that i learn to stop being in conflict with them. who knows. maybe thats not the goal. maybe my cross to bear is to be in huge conflict with women for muh entire life. i am paying off some kind of debt. both for myself and for others.

its just fookin retarded to WANT something so badly. both women, and also to want to be a successful normie, but not being WILLING to do the WORK it takes to get there. the YEARS and YEARS of 17 hour days of work. 10000 hours to get good at something. 10000 hours to get good at your career, 10000 hours to get good at women. note:10000 hours is about….4 years of Full Time Work. Approx.

and i am totally butthurt at school and education not counting at all towards those necessary 20000 hours. mother fooking EIGHTEEN YEARS of school WASTED. 18 years of life! over half your life, blatantly wasted! thats worth getting butthurt about!

but not if the butthurt keeps you from fixing it and turning the ship around.

it doesnt take you 18 years to turn the ship around. ONLY EIGHT. hahahaha. 20000 hours.

in my homeschooling utopia, you would be an EXPERT, a masters-level EXPERT in THREE things by the time you were done with twelve years of school at 17 or 18. in other words, your could make a good living in TWO types of career, and have the Social Expertise to pull a Woman, reproduce, and the economic success to support your children.

basically, go to 16 year olds and tell them, do this or you’ll never meet a woman or move out on your own. you’ll die a lonely loser childless wifeless virgin who makes less than negros at walmart and mcd’s. get a stem degree or become an electrician. end of discussion. if you dont do those things, you’ll die a fat virgin basement dweller. you DO want to have secs with a QT gurl, don’t you? well you wont if you dont d one of thsese things. period. end of discussion. now get out there and get started. you can get started on your stem degree at age 16.

literally. there are plenty of kids in my working class nonelite normiezip who enroll in comm college at age 16, graduate high school at age 18, and associates degree as well, then fooking stem degree at age 20. damn. why didnt i do this? because I didnt really KNOW about it for one.

but thats not true! one of the kids in my AP history class took Calculus or Pre Engineering courses at the local College!

of course i thought he was a huge dork.

and unfortunately not a lot of our kids in my high school did that. they just loaded up on gay AP courses, which is NOT the way to go.

the way to go is take the easiest high school classes you can, take as few of them as you can, and Dual Enroll into Comm College as SOON as possible, age 14 if you can. dual enrollment its called. its a common thing in opioid epidemic flyover amerifat trump country hahahaha. and i didnt totally understand it until recently.

DUAL ENROLL YOUR KIDS WHEN THEY ARE 14. basically skip high school and go straight to college. public schools have agreements with the college so that the school district  ie taxpayers will pay for the college tuition.

also i wonder if its easier to pull 19 year old college sluts when you are a 15 year old “genius” hehehehe. that would be confidence building af! they think you are all qt and then they want to make you their little project. they are willing to spend time and effort on you and let you bang them at least 10 times. then you can pull a better woman once you are established. ideally something arranged with the girl’s father who is looking for suitable husbands for his virgin daughter. which you will totally be, as a 20 year old engineer making 45k a year hahahaha.

or you can get a Journalism degree and make 11k a year at age 30 and never be able to pull even the craziest, dirtiest slut for noncommittal secs. your choice hahahahaha.

if i could go back in time and present these stark terms to my younger self, i would love to do that. get 14 year old me to dual enroll in local college. i could even just take intro to bullshit classes. i would get college credit for them and they would be way easier than AP classes.  AP classes are a HUGE jooish screwjob. they were basically TWICE as hard as college classes, AND TWICE as long.  big mistake there. also i hated them so they killed muh will to learn and made me really hate skool hahaha. never understood why high school classes had to last like 8 or 9 fookin months, the whole skool year long. fookin gay as fook. i would have much rather taken college classes that were only HALF as gae as fook. and gotten credits that meant more in the adult world. also all this would have looked really good to employers.

well didnt my res look good for a while after i did graduate college? whats the date of expiration there? 1 year? WHATS THE RULE? i went to a prestigious enough college that i would think my “recent grad grace period” lasts a little longer. even if it did, i STILL blew it!

and i was drinking too much, and prob doing too much MJ.  i was def drinking too much tho. if i had to choose one or the other, i should have chosen MJ. it was alcohol that “made” me do all the really stupid regrettable stuff like drive drunk, act like an idiot in front of friends and women, etc. should have just sm0ked tons of MJ and signed up immediately for shrink at that time.  yeah i know the alcohol didnt MAKE me do anything. and i admit driving drunk is always retarded.

but is it really? if you never hurt anyone? hahahaha. real edgy libertarian argument here. its not a crime unless you hurt someone else.

western jooish capitalists were financing marxists and communists. karl marx financed by fels, soap magnate; bolsheviks financed by schiff, international bankster.

oh this is fake news. they werent really joos, they didnt really “finance” anything.

ok ate much less calories today. still too much but a big improvement over yesterday. also didnt drink as much coffee today. should be better prepared to go to bed at 8pm.

how bitcoin do today. up 0.2% ok thats fine. thats a lot ahahaha.

i wonder what GLR would have said about Cultural Marxism. well that its a disgusting disgrace, and that this long march through the institutions has resulted in a long march through the culture in general, leaving a wake of jooish destruction, emptiness, nihilism, rootlessness, dispossession, aimlessness, Morally Adrift, disillusionment, anomie, ennui, etc. hedonism, atheism, hopelessness, drugs, secs, DESPAIR, opioid epidemics, culture of death, culture of disposability, replaceability, use once then throw away, everythings expendable and replaceable and CHEAP.

but id say GLR would be hopping mad at how for example feminist and anitwhite shit is no longer the purview of collegephags, but basically everybody. its not just joos producing degenerate plays in fooking NYC and LA. its fooking girls in kansas fooking negros and fooking wichita kansas being jooed like every large city, not just the coastal ones.

i mean the goyim are in worse shape than they are in GLR’s day, in other words.

GLR was a fan of: J Edgar Hoover, FBI, Joe McCarthy, Douglas MacArthur, maybe Eisenhower, maybe Nixon, Batista, Kai-Shek. Gerald LK Smith.

he was not a fan of: FDR, Truman, JFK, probably LBJ. Alger Hiss. Felix Frankfurter, Castro, Chairman Mao Mao, Earl Warren, CIA

ok there were ALWAYS commie jooz in every city, not just joo york and la. but miami, atlanta, charleston, st louis, any big city. well what about fookin wichita. ok city. well if they can get to st louis they can get anywhere. denver. i cant imagine many live in wyoming tho hahahaha.

but i have to imagine the jooz of louisville 1920 werent as bad as the jooz of NYC 1920.

ok things are different now because there has been no soviet union for fookin 25 years. the idea of russian spies is ludicrous. but i argue that crooked jooz are still in power in many of the ex soviet countries. and the much bigger threat now is not hardcore red commies, but cultural marxists and swedish type socialists. kinder gentler version of communism. now you have Socialism. and the horrible Cultural Marxism, Diveristy, Multiculturalism, and Equality it works towards.

MORAL SUBVERSION. ALWAYS with the MORAL SUBVERSION. now just as much as ever before. probably even more. less overt communism, more socialism, more diversity, more fookin moral subversion.

you think i’m faking this? i wouldnt be spending so much time writing about it if i were a JOO SHILL or a phony faker poseur just interested in this for a few months like a damn woman bandwagon jumper!

what if i did a 23 and me and turned out to be 10% jooish.

i would NOT be happy about it. i would publicly recant it and try to eradicate it with a hwyte woman. but beforehand, i would be like, listen, i’m 10% jooish, so our children will be 5% jooish, but my goal is to get them 100% hwyte because i want to eradicate the joo out of ME but it cant be done. and i feel a little bad about making you race mix liek this. so just sign on the dotted line goy saying you waive your rights hahahaha.

yeah i would prob do that, esp if i were still 90% hwyte. would make more sense than me trying to mate with 100% joos!

or ideally i wouldnt mate at ALL…..and it looks like i am going that route anyway. damn.

 

 

 

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NO DIRECTION IN LIFE

feb 8

kinda grumpy today even though i had a decent day at job. not sure why, not sure it even matters why. all day at job i was not so grumpy. just started when i got home. felt like a real loser. NO DIRECTION IN LIFE. it was prob hearing about this colleage womans daughter who is doing WELL in life. has plenty of direction. prob about 22 years old and looking at a highly selective Doctorate degree in a health field. they dont just want good students, they want good students with volunteer experience and LEADERSHIP qualities and letters of recommendation to back it up.

current the young woman has a 2 year degree in the health field and currently works FT in that field, with yearly opportunities to level up, take more training, and get pay raise. and rather than say this is it, i’m done, she says nope i want to do a highly selective competitive DOCTORATE degree that will DEF add to respect and pay and opportunity. i mean this isnt The Humanities were talking about.

and i was like shit this girl is only 22 years old at MOST. why didnt i just do something like that. how did i let myself get so far off track. why couldnt i just have had DIRECTION IN LIFE like that at that age. even now I dont have any direction. i dont think about graduate degrees like that. i just think of it as dues to pay, a grind, that will HOPEFULLY open more doors, but maybe not, just like regular college. If college is high school 2.0, then graduate school is just high school 3.0.

and right now i am tired and grumpy. took a benedryl at like 3 pm to prepare for early bed at 7 or so. but so tired at 3.44 i could take a damn nap right now. after a 6 hour Easy Day of Job. not working a 16 hour shift of a tough health job, on your feet, dealing with dying patients, running make and forth, making Creative Cognitive Decisions, and then coming home and working on online Graduate School, reading long dry papers, writing long dry papers, taking tough exams, doing Research.  but it is a good school and good program.

was talking a Choice Customer yesterday and found he had started a phd at a really shitty and expensive online college. I thought shit, why the hell did you do that. he was 1 point off on his major research project and essentially kicked out of the program, well, sure he could continue if he continued to pay them big bucks. and he’s taken a ton of random graduate programs at tons of random “third tier toilet” and worse colleges. and NOW, at 60 plus years of age, he is trying to get into yet ANOTHER graduate program, a phd once again. i just hope the school is ok, it seems better than the online bullshit (even though it is still online), and that they accept some of the work he’s already done and he wont have to start at square 1. because he is a great guy, very willing to work hard, not a lazy guy.

i cant think of ANY lazy person that lazily got a masters degree as a kind of high school 3.0. EVERY one was hard working and motivated as FOOK, even if the college was bad and the degree didnt pay off. (In most cases, it did pay off though. just not for my 65 year old buddy unfortuantely. well, SOME of his graduate work def paid off in his career. just not enough of it IMHO.)

anyway. to think i would not be worthy of this 22 year old woman because she is way out of my league. and she IS. way younger AND WAY more ambitious AND way more successful at 22 than I am at 31+ and probably ever will be!  I have no CHANCE of Dating a woman this high quality!

not that her career ambition MAKES her high quality, because i dont think women NEED that, but it MIGHT correlate with the positive trait of not being a stupid party slut.

now i only know the mother, who is my colleague, who is a very nice and friendly person, and SHE has a masters degree from a Good School. shit i think she has TWO masters degrees. i cant even force myself to get ONE hahaha.

i also have a pretty good idea that parents who are successful masters degree professionals are good at guiding their children down similar paths, and the children are usually good at going down these paths. like this womans daughter im SURE works very very hard, because you HAVE to in order to do that stuff, but I’m also pretty sure the daughter is not Struggling so much that she is on the Verge of Falling Apart just trying to do the bare minimum of admittedly Super High Expectations and Responsibilities. I was always on the EDGE of FALLING APART. and at least two times i fell off that edge and DID completely fall apart and break into 600000000000000000 pieces. so naturally thats a big worry of mine if i ever were to somehow get a lot of responsibility, that i dont think is as much of a worry to these hard working, successful young normies.

heh. bought a piece of silver for the first time in at least year and a half. 1 oz britannia round from modern coin mart on ebay.

http://www.ebay.com/itm/142175132771

seemed to be decent price, havent bought silver in forever, and dont have a britannia yet.

Super Secret Encrypted MEssage

—–BEGIN PGP MESSAGE—–
Version: GnuPG v2

hQEMA6lWRv7xrsmBAQf+N+dROPciJd/jdagcLINT/Ez1ntHRHPKoaLph/6M6QBPg
WeKsGTd31pV+/DpqorcpiHa/Vl7fOn/ckv5FxwlhxZAUWtTrZb8tgT0ut8g8AYnw
i/IAlpegKGEUUeRKo6G8++jmEc50XGtX4jpNaTRB0RPNmQlgDKZRgQ8qNTwIBxOG
KV0O+KNkeGitYZA+55/FhGGuCJxb+MtciR32oRBxGIQwwD+4OIxLheB9EeY2Y6e3
MqjaAA63YICqnoJ2O8EyCSekajkvjj8wCNGmhP3bed/tyBb42GXqWDu5iMWceFZW
il6Gu3a7ECwMIhFZDSJxshn4obymahkTnh58WpKOztJbAaX+kv5vG4orVpXNVqAI
KrnFppWcxD2YdaAKpuyneF8ZM1rc0F/GB1aLbPzgXdS+l64ELrANlTbwWBYJVJZ9
iq+qb0xHHGCnNZNX74HfNuOL59pjg2w8759o7Q==
=AoQy
—–END PGP MESSAGE—–

that is what an encrypted message looks like hahahaha. i wonder what it says hahaha.

if you give a person both the unencrypted  message and then the encrypted message, can they then determine your private key? your public key? and then decrypt all messages you encrypt for that person?

my thought is no. hopefully. i mean i thought PGP was so strong even NSA/CIA/Kremlin/Mossad couldnt break it!!!!!

heh. MJ’s price is like over 10 times that of silver, but like 7 times less than gold.

had a flicker of interest in checking out “higher education administration” masters degrees but the one in the area is full time and also has a YUGE emphasis on Social Justice and Equity. like these are literally the first things they mention when describing the degree. DAMN. NOT A GOOD SIGN.

all in preflop with AA. he had JJ and got a J. no A for me. lost it all. IM OUT!!!!!

it was a kinda bad beat, not the worst beat, but I CANNOT lose sight of the fact that i DID THE RIGHT THING by going all in with AA. now if I had KK, I dont know. I worry the other guy had AA. but going all in with AA vs JJ is ABSOLUTELY the right thing, EVEN THOUGH I lost.

feb 9

saw muh older teacher Buddy today and he is jsut a great guy. i dont like to see him toiling on phd stuff with shit tier schools who then leave him in the lurch. he is meeting with a new school soon about a new phd program and hopefully they give him good news and also let him use some of the stuff he’s already done. i cant imagine having that kidn of motivation at age 65 hahaha but GOD BLESS HIM hahahaha.

so i asked him if i could read some of his papers, could you just shoot me an email, or show me some papers on your flash drive. he said sure and i popped in the flash drive and copied a few papers for my reading pleasure. just so i can get a better idea of what his work and interests are about. his intellectual pursuits that dont involve teaching intro classes to 19 year old arab punks hahahaha.

because his background and interests are KINDA similar with my own. except he took infinitely more graduate level courses than i did, which I did zero hehehehe.

but hes written a lot of stuff and i dont think much of it has gotten PUBLISHED. maybe one paper in 20 years. talk about discouraging! but this doesnt stop him.

anyway, i basically have to get the papers directly from him if i want to read them, so i did that, and i am happy about that.

not surpirsingly the stuff reads like dryass academic articles……which they are.

i mean this guy is the antithesis of dry. he is high-energy, sociable, extraverted, friendly, engaging, charismatic, his students love him, with good reason. he really needs to write a Nonacademic book.

bringin out the BIG GUNZ today, the start of muh weekend, when I would really like some MJ hehehehehe. but yeah this is a classic black metal album of all times. its classic for a reason. and not just the title song. the whole damn album. if you are down with weakling you are down with me. just top tier shit. topkek. vocals are just fine. ok i wish they did another album, and im not THRILLED that the bass player was a jooish woman. i dont think she had much creative input though.

heh. read the 40 page paper of muh “colleague.” well i mean double spaced word document and 10 pages was references. it was well referenced at least hahaha. very well referenced. i know da phds have systems and strategies and software to keep their references straight. but this guy…..is not super duper tech savvy, think he probably doesnt do that.  great guy tho. i am not dissing him. i mean the whole time he was working more than full time, has like 3 now adult children, and when he wants to take it easy he will do sub teaching to grade school kids in a good district.

theres one more paper i got from him, a 50 page paper that is the closest thing to a dissertation, on a diff topic than the previous paper, and hopefully he will be able to “recycle” this when he gets into the new program. he is a great guy, have kinda a mancrush on him.

dug around in email and found my old song from 2008. saved it to google drive for double backup hahaha. its still a good song even though i played it very sloppily. and i was a young, dumb, drunk loser absolutely killing my brain permanently at the time.

feb 10

MW doing some great obvious mansplaining. none of us should need this, but i really like hearing smart articulate people articulate it, and i would prefer my waifu to nod her head and say yes i agree with that and i’ve acted in accordance with that.

“SHE DOESNT TAKE REPRODUCTION, THE MOST PRECIOUS THING SHE HAS, SERIOUSLY.”

how is this SO hard to understand. j00 lies, thats how.

also more common sense which i need to remember more often:

  1. it severely hurts womens (and to a lesser extent mens) ability to PAIR BOND or CONNECT with a Mate, and this is of course related to the main point above

now MW seems to buy into the idea that Previous Fookbois DNA somehow permanently stays with the women and can influence the DNA or development of future child she has with a DIFFERENT man. this isnt the first time ive heard this theory. it sounds ridiculous but i grimly accept that it could be a fact hahahaha. there needs to be more Real Science on this, but that will never happen, couldnt get funding for that.

day off, tried to be productive, not neckbeard until at least 5 o clock, mainly succeeded. got up, did errands and such. got a great pair of 12 dollar george pants (tan/”barley”) from walmart, greatest pants EVER, so greatful to GOD that i have found these god blessed pants. fit just right, nice classic high rise fit, are pretty soft, look somewhat dressy and have a crease, have unpleated flat front. PERFECT. i hope they never stop making these.

also did grocery shopping and came home and cooked the beef. i bought really cheap beef which felt someone slimy. next time i will not buy the cheapest beef they have hahahaha. hope i do not get sick hahahaha.

trimmed beard with level 2, prob ideal to do this once a week.

and, very bigly, attempted to hem the leg of my nice walmart pants because i am a short manlet with like 26 leg hahahaha. it became so frustrating and time consuming just to try to iron a straight line on the legs that i gave up, unfort. basically you need to iron TWO straight lines in EACH pant leg before you start sewing. one for the actual new bottom fo the leg, and ANOTHER 1.5 inches below it where you actually CUT the leg and fold it under and do the sewing.

it all get twice as complicated because you’ve turned the pants INSIDE OUT.

and i dont know how to put a PIN in the leg at the desired length, and then fold the leg under so it creates a perfect straight line at the place of that pin.  let alone 2 straight lines. so frustrating to do it, and also frustrating to not be able to figure it out, and just give up. maybe i will try again tomorrow. i ironed one leg and the two lines were clearly not parallel. i was using a ruler to measure up from the bottom, and using a special fabric marking pencil i got in the ladies sewing aisle at walmart hahaha. but actually folding it into the straight line was the impossible part.

at muh social function was finally confronted on muh political views, not in a suspicious or bad way, but like well what DO you think about this. these are two VERY leftist guys who are HORRIFIED about trump, HORRIFIED on the travel ban, are ELATED that the travel ban has been shot down by judges, are disgusted by trump and his unethicalness, its been a horrible 2-3 weeks, im scared for the future, this is the worst president weve ever had, shit is BAD, what about flynn and putin, the bad news is that these guys actually read the news and are interested in news and politics, and the one guy is very articulate in arguing for his textbook New Upper Class SWPL leftism.

So I have to soften myself and CUCK myself because i dont dislike the people, but i know they would dislike my real views. so i said welp im probably a little bit the right of you guys, i had a big libertarian phase so i am pro-gun ownership and fairly libertarian on gays, and im also very interested in fascism and globalism and nationalism, see evola and riding the tiger and the kali yuga.

thankfully i found out one of the guys was more reasonable on guns than i thought he was.

but yeah both guys are very smart and read huffpost type stuff in great detail and have detailed opinions on judges, obamacare, mattis, flynn, travel ban, guns, abortion, gays, gorsuch, etc.

they are more tuned into news and politics than average person, and also more leftist than the average person. how do i always end up with the leftists hahahahaha.

so it came up because they were so WORRIED about whats been going on. trump should be IMPEACHED. he WILL be impeached. he will prob be impeached in under a year. trump is TERRIFYING. I cant BELIEVE this is our president. nevertrump sort of guys hahahaha. successful men over 30 years old.

one semi joked about an “INTERNATIONAL JOOISH CONSPIRACY” and I semi joked back, no, i’m not into conspiracies at all, but i do think it’s important to take an uncompromising look at jooish interests, they are real. although i didnt say any of this intelligently or confidently.

in the future i guess i might mention the alt right, and how you would agree that its important to understand how trump has mobilized a voting block among Working Class people. Populism. As a working class man from a working class background, I think these peoples interests are very valid. i do identify with middle american and i believe they are getting slandered as stupid ignorant backwards racists when they are really just average, everyday working people who want the best for their children. they are not so bad as rachel maddow and huffington say. their interests are my interests. i will try to say something like that.

but yeah. i am disappointed that i sounded like an unprepared idiot. cuz especially the one guy is a very strong communicator and arguer. and i dont want to argue with him hahahaha. both guys are way more successful than me.

so yeah but i am happy i was somewhat productive today. still would LUV some MJ of course. planning on taking a valium very soon, and then a benedryl before bed. ALREADY took a benedryl a few hours ago.

can you pgp things other than text? like files? i know you can pgp encrypt a hard drive.

yes you can. i just encrypted and decrypted a mp3.

ok 7 pm friday. gonna take the valium. ok took it.

but yeah. these guys are textbook New Upper Class Educated Professional masters degree joo york types. except one of the guys has very working class background and has no good reason NOT to be a trump supporter. the other guy has a much more middle class career much more in line with his Educated Professional views. although his family is kinda working class too!!!!!

probably made a mistake even mentioning fascism and anything slightly jooish. should have just said im a little bit more rightist than you guys, i read BREITBART sometimes with muh huffpo and msnbc hahahaha.

i dont even read breitbart and i never read huffpo unless i want to get Triggered hahaha.

also took a nice brief powerwalk because it was kinda sunny and slightly above freezing and i said it would be STUPID NOT TO, so, glad i did that.

i know there had to be a time when the majority of people on jeopardy didnt have graduate degrees or were grad students. but it is not so in the current year.

heh. it just feels wrong to have men and women competing against each other in almost any setting. ESPECIALLY FOR jobs and WITHIN jobs. and even on jeopardy. a program ive always enjoyed watching and playing along with, i am above average good at it, toot toot.

this winterfylleth album goes very well with their previous album “the threnody of triumph” hehehehe

 

PRON IS WORSE THAN BEING A SL00T

jan 26

http://mpcdot.com/forums/topic/8227-why-pornography-is-bad-for-you/#entry190803

i might have linked this already, worth reading again hehe

found it in comments to this vid

wish weev had some cooler people with him and not those dumb women, but women luv weev for reasons i shouldnt’ need to mansplain. they would fly halfway across the world to have weevs babies. and i definitely want weev to have many hwyte babies.

heh i am much more attached and hero worshipping of weev than i am of for example mike enoch. if weev did something disappointing, i would be a lot more disappointed.

i mean im kinda disappointed he’s hanging out with this white slut losers hahahahaha.

had 7 minute conversation with adjacent department colleague. he is way too smart to be in his current job, which is a job i would like to have. but he is a big ideas man who would be very well suited for grad skool IMHO and he is thinking about it and sort of on the fence…..but he is light years ahead of me as far as having a good plan and talking a great game and doing his research, and READING BOOKS, working on a business plan, looking at schools, looking at programs, plus he is more charismatic than me and has a GF who is planning on going to med skool.

full version, without the silly music, of anti-pornography interview by ted bundy MERE HOURS before he was executed, linked early in that MPC thread

nofap is kinda ridiculous, i think the much more important thing is NOPORN. porn is INHERENTLY destructive and horrible, a LOT more than jerking off is. of course when you pair the two, a lot of people get it confused. no you can still jerk off, just dont look at porn. ever. again.

http://mpcdot.com/forums/topic/8227-why-pornography-is-bad-for-you/page__st__100#entry191105

been reading this whole thread. pman has a great effortpoast here.

anyway yeah i talked to this guy who is nice and charming and very smart, he is somewhat like me in that he is currently “underachieving”, but he’s underachieving way less than me because at least he’s above bare minimum, he is well positioned to go to grad school, he has a gf, and seems well adjusted. i should try to hang out with him socially hahahahaha. and while i agree with him on several important points such as a radical reimagining of Education, the destruction of the modern university as we know it, meaningless Credentialism etc, i am SURE he is much more leftist than me, and seeks to make everyone equal, etc. also uhhh i don’t think this guy is technically hwyte hahahahahahahaha. but he is nice and smart and i feel favorably to him.

so is me not disclosing my views, is that disingenuous, or is that Good Tactical Taqqiya? especially since i cant really argue my views well with smart people.

this guy really is a really good drummer, really fun to listen to him rawkkkkkk the fook out on those drums. PLENTY of superfast blasts as well as the more med paced ones. great drum SOUND as well. well done lad.

not sure how much i love the overall production, but the drums sound great and the mellow parts, maybe the heavy guitar is a little fuzzy. a minor quibble.

just exploding with high energy, impossible to believe this is just one guy. but yeah his energetic drumming is the foundation of all that. the rocking bass playing probably helps too. not that bass has any place in black metal hahahahaha. this might be my moment where i finally Get Into Panopticon. shit i even like the phaggy nonmetal parts. none of it sounds insincere. hey maybe all the people saying panopticon was good were on to something.

yasssss ive KNOWN about them/him for a long time, 5 years at least hahahaha.

he does really like those fast blast beats. good for him. i think i would play in a similar style as him if i could actually play drums. i am aiming for the same target as him. the same drumming muse motivates us hahaha.

jan 27

see i like that he does the fast beats over (under?) very melodic, catchy riffs that could just as well work with somewhat slower beats, so you can still totally understand the riff, rather than for example nile who have fast blasts and fast, meaningless, incomprehensible riffs that sound like total wankery. fun, passionate, happy wankery but still wankery.

anyway. day off here. was very tired last night and fell asleep easily. the big surprise was the greatness of the sleep that followed. long, solid sleep, but also filled with interesting dreams which i will try to remember.

one sort of confidence shaking one involved me meeting with muh boss’s boss, who is pretty much an official higher-up, and kind of an intimidating, no nonsense, masculine man who wants to get things done. not very surprising given his professional role. but obv i want him to like me. so he was having a brutally honest talk with me about My Fit with the Organization, how I can see everyone around me has masters degrees and are consummate professionals, so what do I really think about that, heavy implication that i obv dont have a masters degree and am underachieving as fook, i am now an older man, WHY ARE YOU HERE, why arent you doing MORE, and WHAT ARE YOUR CAREER GOALS. that was a direct question. tell me right here and now what you are trying to do with your life, what are your career goals, prove to me that you are a good fit with this team, impress me with your specific career goals. and i was caught off guard and started rambling nonsense, a bad answer, and he saw it immediately because he is very perceptive, and quickly shut it down. ok ok ok i see where you stand, let’s end this meeting now and let you go back to your underachievement. with the heavy implication that i was now marked as the underachieving loser slacker who would never be considered for promotion.

now the reality is, i will never be “promoted” per se, the best that could happen, and I guess that IS muh immediate career goal, is to do such a good job here and now, that IF a better position opened up, I would be the top choice for it. that is, i won’t ever be promoted in this position, i would have to apply and interview for a totally new job. in the sense of req codes and job classifications and unions. all our jobs are kinda strictly defined which certainly is related to The Union.

anyway if he ever had that discussion in real life, and he wouldn’t, if anything it would be my direct manager, who is personality is more….gentle but he still gets a lot of stuff done. I would tell him, I love muh job but obviously want something more substantial, i would love to have more responsibility (hours, money) in this department, i want to be the top candidate here. i’ve been on the fence about masters degree for ever and i think i have legit reasons for that. but your opinion is important and if you push me in that direction, that would help get me off the fence. i just dont want to pay 50 grand for a useless masters degree. would basically be what i would say.

what else. i was a young man living in a house much like how i did at that time, with a ton of other young students. common theme in muh dreams. i was sitting and talking with an “older” woman who was the mother of this gurl I fancied who lived in the house too. this was a real gurl I did once fancy. there was also a young man there who was the gurls brother. i never RL met the mother or the brother. they were talking disparagingly of the woman, that she was a very shallow, judgmental, bitchy young woman, that she only liked you if she could use you, she only liked cool, good-looking people, and treated you like garbage if you weren’t, and this is a bad way to be, and she better change her attitude.

in the dream i was kinda friends with the woman and was thinking wow that’s a little harsh, dont talk about muh waifu like that hahaha. i hope she’s not really like that. but this is her FAMILY saying this about her!

funny enough, i never saw that woman in the dream. in real life, she was a very young, very qt gurl who i was sorta friends with for a while. but she WAS kinda bitchy like that, and also a bipolar, crazy, mudshark slut doing flighty things and prob very good at Ghosting people or throwing them away. she didnt really throw me away, we just kinda drifted apart and really werent that close to begin with.

later in the dream i met with other young women in the house, who were trying to suss out how i felt about that woman. who i liked every though everyone else didnt. i was talking to a Good Looking, Light Skinned Black Gurl who was kinda friendly to me and was possibly open to me banging her. I would much prefer to Bang the other woman and I wasn’t in luv with Race Mixing….but this Black gurl was miraculously good-looking enough to tempt me. believe me that never happens with blacks hahahaha.

i basically tried to very softly state to her that I thought she was good looking, but also that I thought the other (hwyte) gurl was good looking too. I made some great bullshit statement about being 1% attracted to somebody. wish i could remember it. i am a fan of the female form and appreciate all kinds and flavors of female beauty. a good looking gurl is a good looking gurl. certainly you, as a good looking gurl, can appreciate that, hahahahaha.

thats about it. no real lessons in that one, other than yeah i should have listened to other people and not pedestalized that woman, because she was clearly not a great person. and she wasnt! i would have totally dated her though.

she could have been a better person if she had seriously seen a shrink and just kept her legs closed and just made a damn effort to be a better person.  but she had big daddy issues of course. SAD.

i mean i dont think she was that bad of a person. she was just heavily compromised and broken and even if i did date her, i know she would have dumped me quickly and it would have been yugely disappointing. she was very disappointing. because she could have been much much better. fairly smart, great looking hwyte gurl. i blame the father for abandoning her. and the mother, im sure, was at least a little crazy herself. mother married a pretty stable man early in the gurls life but it appeared the damage had already been done. to the mothers credit, she did pretty well with that guy and built a seemingly stable family.

http://mpcdot.com/forums/topic/8227-why-pornography-is-bad-for-you/page__st__180#entry213001

great comment here by millennial former p0rn freak who realized the error of his ways. this yuge thread just gets better and better. prob should permalink it. ok done.

QUOTE

The young man becomes insatiable by 21. Now there isn’t even a hint of affection in the scenes he watches. Love, healthy emotion, and even pleasure itself are passe. ……On it spirals, the curious young id, into French curls of perversion and decadence. Whips. Chains. Anger. Raw frustration. Rage. Hate. Sex is now hate to him. Sex is just ugly, contemptible, shameful: a grim continent of disgusting Freudian urges. Why fight it? Keep going. Keep looking. Keep clicking. There’s salvation, there’s absolution out there somewhere.

Until one day the young man, alone in his onanistic filth and fluid, learns the master lesson of human sexuality. If he is wise, his heart and intuition will lead him there. That lesson is as follows: the sexual impulse is perverted if it is aimed at pleasure alone. There is no greater cause of human heartache than chasing pleasure for pleasure’s sake. All the sexual impulses must be directed toward some higher purpose: strengthening a marital bond or forming a family. Any other avenue of sexuality hijacks the awesome power of your libido and makes a slave out of you.

I quit porn. I quit any kind of sexual titillation not involving a real, living woman I love and with whom I wish to raise a family.

I only wish I’d been given this prime directive more forcefully as a child.

END QUOTE

big march for life today in DC, almost forgot about this. they should have this at LEAST twice a year, ideally every week or day. i think its a good opportunity for pro-hwytes to be visible and active. get richard spencer at this thing hahaha. they are incorporating Gays For Life, which is not the best way to go imho. well….i dunno. on the fence about that. if it can help overturn roe v wade, then it would be good. and then we could focus on turning down the gay degeneracy. IMHO i think abortion is the bigger problem. that commonplace, feminist-related, straight-WOMAN-related degeneracy is a more pressing issue than gay degeneracy.

so  i dont read enough books hahahaha. i did an impulse buy of this book. i was looking at bowling alone, which is somewhat of a classic. then remembered when i talked to my intelligent colleague yesterday, he mentioned bowling alone as well, and said putnam did another book on education. i THINK he was talking about “our kids.” that would prob be more up my alley right now. almost bought that one, then read some critical reviews saying “coming apart” was better, on a sim topic, and less PC. plus i had heard about “coming apart” ever since it came out and I have respected murray ever since the bell curve which i bought like 5 years ago hahahaha. also its PAYDAY so this is muh gift to myself. plus it talks about HWYTES directly in the title. ok i’ll bite.

also i look for books where you can get a used hardcover book for a decent price. got a 60/40 shot here, not in your favor.

ok big task for the day is go to store. aiming to do that at 6pm.

just wanted to say for all i talk about pr0n, im not really tempted to watch it, and im greatful for that. but it ULTIMATELY wouldnt matter if i were tempted every single day, as long as 1. i realized it was bad, 2. AND i resisted the temptation.  so i would stand in moral solidarity with the men that are really STRUGGLING there, fighting the good fight. i am no better than them. if anything this shows you the temptation is only temporary. this too shall pass.

tbh im MUCHHHHHHH more tempted with MJ. i think about it ALL THE TIME, several times a day. if i HAD any, i WOULD be indulging in it every day.

in a way, being a habitual porn user is WORSE than a woman being a dirty slut. because she STILL doesnt watch PORN.

think about it. the pathetic foreveralone atomized virgin with 31 tabs of weird porn. cant talk to gurls. sees secs as jooish narcissistic pleasure only. with no idea how to relate to other people. at least the slut has better social skills! the slut isnt shutting herself away from people and hasnt stunted her ability to deal socially with the opposite secs!

in fact, in dealing with REAL HUMAN SECS rather than the fake illusion of porn, the woman has MUCH more occasion to view sex as a human act. because it isnt such a SOLITARY pursuit for her. the human, two-person nature of secs is MUCH harder for the slut to deny, than for the pathetic neet constantly jerking off to videos, by himself, never experiencing that with another living person.

so its probably HARDER to become a slut than to become a porno addict neet hehehe. because to become hard to Actual Human Interaction like that and STILL DO IT indicates a VERY poor moral character. i think its easier to fall into porn than to fall into sluttery in other words. porn is a MORE slippery slope.  cuz its JUST YOU. only you and the weird, twisted world you’re creating, no one else there to help pull you back from that abyss.

its easier to associate secs with Human Bonding when you are having actual secs with an actual person, in other words. so yeah the women that CAN do that I think are even WORSE off than the most hardened pathetic porno neets.

and if you “gave” these porno neets a real woman, that might be like a harsh wake up call to the Human Element of secs, which might get them to quit porn. but porn obviously DRAINS your Social Capital and Charisma and makes it much less likely you could get a real woman to consent to secs with you. so i guess the best solution is to spend decent money to get an attractive hooker. because hookers are still humans hehehehe. unlike porn. not saying those gurls arent humans either, because they are. they are probably the most pathetic of all. but no way the hardened porn jerker is gonna udnerstand that.

its just such a bad shitty thing and i cant believe more normie men dont realize it. they might not become daily, 31 tab porn addicts, but they still beat off to it once a week and think its harmless, fun, hot, sexy. thats bad enough!!!!!! even if they still havent been harmed enough so that they can’t pull human women.

like guys who have a GF they have regular secs with but STILL watch porn. i GUARANTEE the porn will EVENTUALLY cause a problem. and with good reason, because it IS a real problem.

anyway im just thankful i am not tempted by it and i have not watched it in well over a year. like 15 months maybe.

wish i could just as easily not want to smoke MJ. i dont know how im gonna do that. with porn i simply stopped watching it. MJ i havent even smoked in like 4 months but still think about it every day.

heh why havent i looked for an MPC thread on MJ. theres gotta be one.

oh right. because they either dont have a SEARCH function, or, more likely, i am too low-rep to use it or even see it. doesnt make much sense tho. i mean the forum is largely open to read to the public, why not make it searchable. can google do it?

https://mpcdot.com/forums/topic/7920-marijuana-not-even-once/

ok you CAN use site:mpcdot.com to search the site at google.

https://mpcdot.com/forums/topic/287-critiques-of-legalization/

first one is prob more relevant.

anyway. i think i ALWAYS had an IDEA that porn was somehow wrong. gross and ugly and not realistic. but i used it ANYWAY. but i dont think my heart ever became completely closed. i was aware it might be hurting my behavior with real women, but i did it anyway.

i didnt think it was a huge problem, because i didnt spend hours looking at it at a time. i didnt have 31 tabs open. but maybe i had 10 tabs open! and i used it most days! even if it was just 10 minutes, go to a trusted source, and rub one out. that was bad enough. thank god i never got to the point where i had huge hours-long porn marathons, just looking and looking and looking.

but damn if i didnt still graduate to weirder and weirder stuff anyway!

and i think it did make me hate women, because i thought that those real-life sluts had reduced their real-life sex to something crude and disgusting just like this porno!

and now that i’m fully aware of exactly how disgusting and wrong porn is, i STILL think real life sluts treat their real-life sex like this, which makes me have extreme contempt for them…….but they probably DONT, so i SHOULDNT hate them so much. they probably STILL feel some human connection.

when i was looking at porn, i KNEW it was lacking the human connection, and that the human connection was something I really WANTED. but i did it anyway because i was horny. just wanted to see some naked young girls fooking and doing increasing weird stuff. but i still wanted a gf and a rel and cuddles and luv. i knew that the porn was at the very least WEIRD and not realistic, but i guess i accepted it as an imperfect Substitute. its actually a hell of a lot less harmless than that. i certainly didnt realize how harmful it was.

even NOW i believe it still affects the way i view women! thats probably the worst long term harm its done to me. i wish i could undo it. i am cautiously optimistic More Years without porn will help here. but point is, even a year plus cannot completely undo it. its LONG TERM shit.

like you see a woman inadvertantly show cleavage while leaning over, and you think Automatic Negative Thoughts like that dirty slut. sex means nothing to her. she fooks guys and throws them away, the sociopath. and that is almost certainly not true. you are looking at reality COMPLETELY WRONG. heh. that is humbling and hard to accept.

A person’s success in life can usually be measured by the number of uncomfortable conversations he or she is willing to have.

signature of “marketing guru” on MPC who has a pciture of tim ferriss for his pic hahaha. looks like tim ferriss is the originator of the quote too hahahaha. well he’s kinda a BELLEND but i kinda like some of the things ferris says, and this is one of them

i read part of 4 hour work week in 2012 and kinda wish i hadnt gotten rid of the book, i think i purged it as “jooish degeneracy” but he’s not really jooish. he is a very successful hwyte man who despite being kinda sleazy has said some powerful things hehehe. has lessons to teach.

QUOTE from pman: But what really sets them apart is that they struggle to relate to other people, which comes across clearly online and must be glaringly apparent in real life. What’s also apparent is that porn consumers operate with a strikingly high level of baseline depression, which they use porn (among other things, probably) to combat.

end quote hehehe. like i say, great thread, good reason ive permalinked it in the sidebar. i hope the MJ thread can help quell my urge to do MJ hehehe. which as ive said is a MUCH bigger threat atm than porn. ive pretty much solved muh pron problem thank god (although still feel the long term residual effects!!!!) but at least I dont WANT it the same way i’ve CONSTANTLY WANTED MJ.

https://mpcdot.com/forums/topic/7920-marijuana-not-even-once/

lets link this one again hehehe. dis gon B gud.gif. this might even graduate to the sidebar.

well it is pretty gud. i should read this every time i want to smoke MJ. ie, erra day hahaha. just wish it was 28 pages like the porn thread instead of only 4 pages.

http://takimag.com/article/has_pot_become_a_hard_drug_gavin_mcinnes

gavin mccuck writes for takis which is a halfway decent “gateway to the alt right” site. hes actually a decent writer even if he is a weak cuck married to an asian joo with little mixed kids. terrible. sad. but this article sees him smokin modern MJ and getting a panic attack. and basically he is becoming more anti-MJ now that he sees how STRONG the stuff is.

whats worrisome is i would get panic attacks and paranoia and STILLLLL want to smoke it!!!!!

yeah pretty good thread, needs to be longer tho. and uhhh i still wanna smoke MJ. god damn it hehehehe.

i actually took a pretty much full dose of nyquil at 7pm after coming back from the store, did my Goal for the day thank god. then had nyquil. then drank some coffee because i wanted to play cards for a little. actually did ok today. left with more than i came in with. 4 to 6. that does not happen most of the time hahaha.

about to go to bed now. this is why i took the nyquil, so i could sleep long time when i did go to bed. guess i could have just taken it now hahaha. 1030pm.

saor aura album. pretty sure i like saor better than panopticon but its nice to hear panopticon drumming for saor on this album because he’s such a good drummer and he brings his great style and sound to this album.

 

 

 

 

 

THE NARCISSIST WHO WAS AFRAID TO TALK ABOUT HIMSELF WITH REAL PEOPLE

jan 18

https://radio.therightstuff.biz/2017/01/18/rebel-shoah-fashy-struggle-session/

mike enoch gets interrogated wooooot

soundcloud comments dont seem to optimistic, suggest there are no really tough questions, that stuff is brushed off, and the first 5 minutes are not diving into tough questions like i would have liked. i do not have a great feeling tbh.

takes 36 minutes to start maybe getting good??? maybe 43.

heh i expected him to be more shaken up. honestly this is getting boring hehehehe.  uhhhh i was kinda hoping he would act like something happened. to take like 10 straight minutes talking about why its really not ok to marry j00s, or something. i dunno.

how about distraught from losing your family and your 100k job. I would be going CRAZY. Couldn’t even do a conversation with people. i dunno i guess i wanted him to be a little more emotional about it all, even if emotions are womanly.  strong men also have SOME emotions lebowski hahaha.

he doesnt sound like a man whos life has just been ruined.

i dunno. little disappointed. did not meet my expectations. didnt expect to listen to a 2 hour podcast for him to say “i am conflicted about this.” i mean he SHOULD be conflicted about this!

whoa many JCC’s around the nation target for some threats. now here’s some hot news!!!!!

i wanted him to put something personal out there. share something. i guess he doesnt HAVE to, we dont OWN him, i was just hoping for a lot more reassurance than I got. I am glad mike is not K’ing himself and not so worried that he can’t go on…..but what do you really have to SAY about your J wife? he said yeah she’s a J, hasn’t said 25%, 50%, or 100%. this stuff matters! does she have a really J lifestyle and ideology? has TRS’s anti-J’ish caused real problems with their marriage? it probably SHOULD!

i realize he’s not a LEADER, he certainly doesn’t see himself as a leader, and yeah that really comes across here. he may not be a LEADER, but his opinion carries some weight, and i wish he had a stronger opinion about this!  yeah this is “drama” but its also LEGIT drama!

if anything, Sven has stronger leadership qualities than Mike, and Sven is not really pushing Mike to talk about the tough stuff.

im not saying accuse mike as a betrayer, but also he should WANT to address people LEGITIMATE CONCERNS!!!!!!

ok he clarifies that he was notified today he was not welcome at his workplace anymore.

listened to 1:51 and nothing really jumped out at me. i wanted it to jump out. this is kinda a big deal.

so maybe the higher ups have lost a little credibility with me. maybe i will end up spending more time at DS than TRS hehehe. i mean TRS still has great podcasts though. the fatherland.

but man they ban people like crazy on that forum. i kinda like how DS forum is a lot more laid back re the banning. trolls talk mad shit and no one gets banned. i figure let the trolls talk shit, the rest of us will just ignore them. (AN IGNORE BUTTON WOULD BE NICE, THO hahahaha)

i dunno. just not what i really WANTED from mike i guess. but mike is not the leader of trs. and trs has plenty of people who would be more conflicted about their race mixing hahahaha. i just dont want to see a pattern of softening amongst the trs higher ups like sven, i dont want to be disappointed in him too.

WELL, THERES ALWAYS daily stormer at least hahahaha.

i guess i have become a bit less enthusiastic about donating shekels to TRS, where my enthusiasm for donating shekels to stormer has not waned one bit. that probably means something.

heh. i just wanted answers and resolution NOW and i guess im just gonna have to WAIT and see if mike gives anything better. i wish i had a better feeling about it.

i mean mike was never my number 1 favorite podcastfu anyway hahahaha. but he was part of my top tier! i didnt have all my eggs in that one basket tho, which i guess is good.

http://www.huffingtonpost.com/entry/meet-10-women-who-rushed-to-get-an-iud-before-inauguration-day_us_587fa3dae4b0c147f0bc56f8

dear lord

i dont want to have children so i can benefit humanity by being a phd research scientist . well just close your legs ya science slut.

you need the hormones for your acne or whatever. how about stop slathering chemicals on your skin and use a very diluted mix of very light salicylic acid hehehehe. maybe lemon juice. maybe just plain water. maybe dove sensitive skin soap.

how about you just stop fooking guys and if you dont want to get preggers, dont have secs with guys when you are on the period!!!!!!

how about be a lot more careful about the secs you do have?

dont have secs for like 7 days around your period. have the guy pull out or wear a condo. have him put it in your degenerate ass hahahahaha.

jan 19

oh dear. i remember when this happened but never really read any follow up on what derek black is doing now. i guess he hasnt come back to VVN and writes shitty articles for the JY Slimes about how trump is a racist and he’s so glad he’s matured past that.

https://www.washingtonpost.com/national/the-white-flight-of-derek-black/2016/10/15/ed5f906a-8f3b-11e6-a6a3-d50061aa9fae_story.html?utm_term=.fc3b626816d0

theres the wapo one with a lot of tldr hahahaha. anyway he honestly seemed like a pretty smart kid from a young age, BEFORE he got to college. knew all the red pill stuff many of us only learn AFTER college. and then he was blue pilled by some jooish guy who invited him to a diversity dinner? that made his whole system come crumbling down? he still seems like a smart intelligent guy!!!! this is really weird shit.

i can understand distancing yourself from his father who might be a little corrupt. but distancing himself from the whole movement is insane. why didnt he just join up with some of the young alt right people? newer groups like daily stormer or TRS?

he used to mock the ideas of white privilege! how did going to a leftist college where they took “white privilege” seriously just totally change his mind where he did a total 180??????????

its implied that the antiwhites had better SCIENCE for why race is a social construct, and how IQ diffs can be explained by education and opportunity and all that. that convinced derek black. a seemingly smart young man. the SCIENCE and STATISTICS were more convincing to say that there was no white genocide hahahaha.

what i’m saying is, he’s smart enough to weigh the evidence of both sides. and smarter people than him have done so and concluded that Race Is Real. I just want to know what was REALLY the deciding factor.

Him trying to make friends? but he was pretty open about it before going to the college.

maybe he got a super antiwhite Jooish gurlfran while he was at the college, who made it her project to convert him. this seems more likely than the above. i mean he didnt sound like a friendless autistic virgin dying for acceptance like i was hahahahahaha.

or maybe it was “just” being his fathers son. his fathers whole life is VVN 1.0. i am thinking don black was a halfway decent father and wasnt really cramming it down dereks throat though. and it sounded like derek willingly got on board.

i would bet theres subconscious father rebellion going on here. and thats why he couldn’t “just” go to VVN 2.0, he had to throw the baby out with the bathwater.

it’s sad because he seemed like a smart guy and could have been valuable to the movement. despite looking like a huge jackass with his hair and style. i mean he looked like a fedora libertarian virgin hahaha.

what really happened here? you dont just get hit with antiwhite statistics from J’s in J00niversity and say wow i never considered that before, and then do a 180.

i mean i was an antiwhite shitlib in jooniversity, but i never put much EFFORT into it. i was just like rabble rabble white privilege hurr durr institutionalized racism hurr durr imperialistic white males punching down, because that was what everyone around me was parroting, and i wanted to make friends, and especially to make gurlfrans hahahaha. I didn’t put extracurricular effort in going to meetings, or doing activism, or writing articles, or reading howard zinn. Many of my peers certainly did. i would rather sm0ke MJ and be like fight the man, maaaaan. like a lebowski deadbeat. and when i did meet trve believer marxist activists, they kinda weirded me out. like these people are WAYYYYY too tryhard. I’m not LIKE THEM, AM I? and maybe THAT started me on really questioning my not-so-strongly-held “beliefs” that white men were oppressing everyone.

derek black did the exact opposite of what I did. it’s a great STORY. but a sad one. fooked up.

so yeah he would be the bigger traitor than mike enoch hahahahaha. but I really don’t like how enoch basically did not talk about the tough questions. left me with no confidence hahahaha. ok mike, you’re not a leader, we get it. maybe i will really stop viewing you as one after all this.  have a very fishy weird feeling about how he has handled all this so far. it just seems like too little. like that’s it?!?!?! that’s the best you can give us?!?!?! you can and should do better than that.

so yeah i wouldnt quite call him a dirty traitor like black hahaha. because i think mike is gonna continue to say Savage Stuff about Da J00z. but he has not removed the Seed Of Doubt in many people’s mind. And I’m MORE than willing to give him the BENEFIT of the doubt!

but he’s not addressing the ELEPHANT IN THE ROOM!!!!!!!

The rank and file of TRS forum are great people. i guess i identify with them more than the TRS higher-ups. this could very well be the start of distrust with the higher ups. stormer forum is less banhappy and i like that.

no im not aguing for more freedom or democracy or less fascism hahaha.

maybe im saying i am losing a little faith in the TRS higherups.

but who are the MODS of stormer forum? anglin and weev sure, and I am FINE with them! if thats the whole of “stormer leadership” i would be 100% happy with that. ….but are there others with the power to BAN?

dunno, just wanted the “higherups” (if not “leaders”) to take this a LITTLE more seriously and not treat people asking reasonable questions as spergs or shit stirrers. shit i thought i was a moderate pvssy compared to many others…..who have prob already been banned from TRS hehe.

and derek black. im just trying to distract myself from the enoch drama. theres just better ways for him to rebel against his father. maybe become a successful engineer who doesnt even write about race hehehe. or be somewhat moderate and normie rather than turn into a damn far leftist.

if youre gonna be FAR anything, be a far rightist hahahaha.

YES don black has some shady stuff going on with the “unrealized projects” and I hate to agree with the splc on this. but that is fishy and derek is right to be critical of it. but dont turn your back on your race man. not cool.  i mean you dont have to go -1433. just go to 0.

maybe he’s rebelling against don and he doesnt even realize it. don seems like a better father than william pierce but im sure its still intense growing up in VVN 1.0. if stormfront were smart they would engage more with stormer and TRS. like david duke has! funfact: don black married david duke’s ex-wife and created the new human life of derek black with her, hehehehehe.

i guess derek is on this thing now where he was like hwyte europeans were SAVAGES and they didnt invent shit, the MUSLIMS were doing all this shit like ALGEBRA while white barbarians were in caves. good lord.

i mean its a FAIR QUESTION as to WHY the muslims went from being SOMEWHAT scholastic and academic and scientific and intellectual in their golden age of algebra and math and architecture and all that……SO WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED in the meantime??!?!?!?!

theres a disqus thread on the first official shoah and everyone that isnt kissing mikes ass is being denounced as a renegade-tier moron. wow.

you dont need to divulge too many personal details…..but ADDRESS THE ELEPHANT IN THE ROOM. don’t pretend like thats NOTHING. and then call the people with understandable doubts and skepticism abotu that PURITY SPIRALERS. Come on. I am as SOFT and MODERATE and wishy washy as they come. but I just wanted a little better from him.

shit yeah I’m welcome to leave. there’s the door. yeah well right now i will take one step towards the door because theres still plenty of good stuff at TRS. and I am SURE mike will say plenty of good stuff in the future. but he didn’t do much to DISPEL THE SEED OF DOUBT.

believe me, im no PURITY SPIRALLER. I’ve dont degenerate shit. I am a huge neet loser virgin untermensch hahaha. mike makes 14 times the money i ever will. i just think i would shown more integrity in this situation, hahahahahahaha.

well wheres MY podcast? wheres my forum? wheres my influential Media Platform? thats what i thought hahahaha.

well i’ve had 3 other longass blogs that went nowhere hahaha but I HAVE been associated with pro-hwytes since 2012. I bought a grindy greggy book in 2012 and I got culture of critique in 2013 hehehe. i recognize this guy on stormer forums from comments on heartiste in like 2007 hahaha. he’s found his way over there and I can’t blame him! welcome!

yeah i mean i KNOW in j00 york and j00 jersey EVERYONE is at least 25% jooish hahahahahaha. and its really not the end of the world to be married to a part J. it’s how you talk about it with the damn hwyte nationalist group you started hahahahahahaha. i guess there is not gossip like “is TRS really actually “VVN” or are they gonna disavow or equivocate on that term?

I’m very comfortable with the label, just as I’m very comfortable with “alt-right”, and i admit this can cause confusion, because not everybody conflates alt right with VVN. MY BAD!!!!

But I kinda thought TRS of all people would openly self-identify as VVN.

well, i am more confident that they are pro-hwyte, and thats really good enough. i mean, i would happily take an 88% hwyte nation hahahaha. just no less. dont want to get into a purity spiral here hahaha.

hey at least im not fooking googles like some hwyte trash woman hahahahahaha.

i just hope the fatherland guys maintain their integrity. they MIGHT say more on the next episode. i mean i dont really EXPECT them to, its much less their place than it is mikes place. but i wonder: would they get kicked off TRS if they were too critical of mike? also, they are close with sven. and one of their hosts has essentially become a higherup himself, doing a lot of forum technical work. I’ve really liked this guy BOF and I hope he doesnt start “cucking” or “shilling” hahahahahahaha.

welp better pack muh bags for renetard express, toot toot. go eat a mile of sinead’s shit hahahahaha. heh. i will start my own 1433 media empire before i do that hahahaha. i will meet goys in real life before i do that hahaha.

derek black. this guy is saying all white trvmp voters are extreme VVN’s like stormfront. WRONG. they are just normie hwytes who have had enough. they dont HATE anybody. they arent EXTREMISTS. sheeeeit even many VVN’s dont HATE anybody. I dont HATE anybody. I just want an 88% hwyte country and i want the J’s to stop attacking and slandering and libeling and lying about hwytes, and i want whytes to stop apologizing for it and to be less damn SUICIDAL as a race.

jan 20

hahahaha stupid linkedin GURLS WHO CODE news item in muh feed and leave it to some arab to say LOOKIN BEAUTIFUL LADEEZ hahahaha which i’m not opposed to saying in principle, but you should be smart enough to know not to say on lindkin, but there are so many arab, streetshitter, and chinese trolls and sock and spam and fake accounts on linkedin making stupid comments everywhere. in the past ive seen SJWs take them to task on this is EXACTLY the kind of comment we DONT want to see, but now I think people just assume quite rightly that these people might be BOTS.

i just think its funny that they are nonwhite bots, often indians who themselves are writing code in sweatshops for a dollar a day. bet they wish they could code as good as these 16 year old black girls!

saw a guy today i first met several years ago. but this guy is just great. absolutely great. total mancrush on this guy. he is highly educated and very successful and very respected and also just one of the nicest, sweetest people you could ever meet. i mainly knew his son who was also a real nice, good, decent guy, but, very much like me, he had a hell of a hard time adulting. a lot of that was due to health issues, being born into a bad body, hahaha. so he has a much better excuse than him. but he was a great guy. his father is a great guy too, but way more successful. so i saw the father today and shook his hand heartily and said give my regards to your son, he’s a good guy, you’re a good guy, i’m happy to see you again, and i was. i was in the next room as he gave a presentation to other people with masters degrees and phds and his presentation/lecture was very high energy and interesting. lets just say he’s into educating and listening to him in this “classroom” it made it clear that he would probably be a VERY good educator, teaching, with students. i had never really heard him in this mode before, but big surprise, he’s great at that too.

give this guy an award! the rest of the day i was like holy shit, he is such a great guy, wow, what an awesome dude, was so nice to see him again.

(he completed his phd later in life, within the past 5 years, after he was already successful and had a good career and a nice family. I think I saw him shortly after that happened and congratulated him on it.)

great, great, great, great guy. he seemed to remember me even though i hadn’t seen him in…..over 3 years.

and i was like holy shit. i was in a GOOD MOOD for HOURS after that. I was like DAMN I gotta meet MORE people who are this awesome.

then i thought, well, that’s a little GREEDY. and what’s wrong with the people I already know? are they chopped liver?

but fact is, only 10% of people are in the top 10% of awesome like this guy is. not everybody can BE that awesome.

so i thought, it’s ridiculous to want to meet more people as awesome as him. first, theres not that many people that awesome, second, how am i worthy of knowing so many of them and having them hang out with me?

and then i thought, it would be LESS ridiculous for me to get married to this man so i can cup his balls all day and bask in his awesomeness. that would generally give me the same effect hahahahaha. being around one super duper awesome person all day every day.

and that’s greedy in another way, greedy and needy on one person. im just one man, find some other people to fill your needs. so yeah, having a Team of Many Awesome people would be best.

the trick is FINDING these people and IMPRESSING them so that they LIKE you.

How did I find this guy? I knew his son, who was/is a great guy, but not nearly as AWESOME in terms of being a successful adult. but this endeared me to the son in a different way. i could relate to the son being a “neet loser”, and I couldn’t RELATE to his father, but I had/have a huge mancrush on his father and see him as a great role model.

and it’s terribly mean to call the son a “neet loser” because he was SUCH a nice guy! probably got that from his father, who is SUCH a nice guy as well! so i can’t disparage the son, other to say that its SAD he’s not getting the great life he deserves for being such a nice man like his father.

anyway i looked up the father on linkedin today when i came home and requested a connection. chances are he wont even SEE it, but if he does, that would be nice.

the son doesn’t have linkedin. prob has facebook but i dont have facebook. i hope the son is doing well…….but i wouldnt be surprised if he wasnt. which is sad. he deserves better and is probably depressed af but doesnt even know it. so i didn’t want to push the father too much on this aspect. i just i hope your son is doing ok, he’s a great guy and deserves great things.

anyway im not alone in thinking the father is a great guy. he has LITERALLY touched hundreds of lives as an educator and i’m sure many of those people are cupping his balls as well. he deserves it.

there are sneaky J’s in this world, and sad things happening to good people, but there are also people who are just so god damn awesome you can’t believe they even EXIST, but they do. and if you can meet as many of those people in real life and spend as much time as possible with them……maybe one day you could BE that awesome. wow. what a thought.

the guy is AMAZING. he is an INSPIRATION. I mean every damn word. if it sounds like im gushing its because i am.

all people cant be this cool, unfortunately……….. but you can STILL recognize the awesomeness of regular average joes. i would like to be able to do that more. i just need an EXTREMELY awesome guy to break through my thick shell. but even less awesome people are still awesome enough.

im talking about hwyte people of course hahahahahaha. nonhwytes, i just dont really care about. i dont wish them any harm, but i’m not as concerned about recognizing their awesomeness.

(i guess if you are an educator dealing with a lot of black kids, you might get passionate about recognizing the awesomeness in each one of them. ok fine. in fact i think that’s a mark of an Awesome Educator. which this guy is. except he doesnt teach a ton of inner city black kids hahahahahha.)

but yeah. spend enough time with this guy and you will want to become a TEACHER hahahahahahaha. he’s one of those. one of those that probably ends up in many students “Muh Favorite Teachers Of All Time” lists. really blowing minds, melting hearts. good for them. we all need as much of that as we can get. but i think this can’t be taught in teachers college really. you have to be born with that spirit.

actually i might have some of that spirit! but i do NOT want to go to teachers college and be a damn teacher.

so yeah seeing him was a wake up call for me. that within every hwyte, there’s a spark of that same awesomeness. i might not see it right away. they might not see it right away. but I should FIND it and then SHOW them that I appreciate them for it. be a real cheerleader.

shit i wish i could cheerlead muh SELF in that way, but uhhhh never been able to do that in 30+ years.

it goes without saying this guy is charismatic af. you HAVE to be. it goes hand in hand with all that.

now muh new coworkers, ive said before they are all awesome in their own ways, and they are. i should try to appreciate them for that and to show them that appreciation…..so that they can recommend me for good jobs hahahahahahahaha. you need all the recommendations and references in life that you can GET. for jobs and Grad Skool hahahaha. not that i promise to ever GO to grad skool……but i also want to prove that I’m smart hahahaha. because that’s a legit reason to go to grad skool hahaha.

2 of muh coworkers are pretty charismatic guys, including muh direct manager. good role models, in other words, and i REALLY dont want to WASTE the OPPORTUNITY, the PRIVILEGE of getting to know these people.

this is what every young man needs………but im not a young man any more. i might be too old to really benefit from this stuff hehe. it IS especially valuable to have access to people like this when you are YOUNG.

it’s my HWYTE PRIVILEGE that i had access to types like this when i was young. but i was so fooked up, immature, and sissy anxious, that i AVOIDED people like this. AVOIDED NICE PEOPLE WHO COULD HELP ME!!!!!!!!!!!

Well i’ve gotten better about not avoiding them any more hahaha.

and i just want to be good about being a NORMIE and having normie conversations with my good guy manager, for example. have normal conversations and over time build a real Relship, so that i can talk to him about his life and family and career, and even more importantly for muh narcissism, talk about my life and my career hehehehehe.

i’m a total narcissist who is AFRAID to talk about muh self with other people!

now thats a weird ass situation to be in.

because i am ashamed of how little i’ve achieved and how i’ve never had any real career goals.

who doesn’t have career goals?

LOSERS!!!!!!!!!!!!

well, no one’s a LOSER, but uhhhhh at this point its beyond the scope of an educator, you need a different kind of professional help, have you thought about seeing a shrink or a psychiatrist hahahahaha.

YASSSSSSSSSSSSSSS.

So he was talked to this other woman who is currently doing a PHD in a marxist as hell field and is being advised by a marxist professor, and i was like oh great, im gonna have a field day listening to this woman’s lecture.

and yeah there was bullshit in there about hwyte privilege and closing the achievement gap with blacks……but at the same time, these people at least were still genuinely concerned with Just Helping Students Succeed.  Period. and I had to respect that. they weren’t k1kes rubbing their hands with how to keep evil whites down. they just sincerely want to help all students succeed. and i can totally respect that.

i just think they would have a much better go at that if they acknowledged the reality of racial differences.

however i might just agree with them on the class differences. like this woman was talking about the experience of growing up in an honestly shitty town, no one goes to college, let alone gets a phd, and she talks about stories of smart kids who just didnt get the right direction by their teachers. and i can totally sympathize with that . in a way i kinda feel like that.

but most of that is On Me, because I Actively AVOIDED the people who COULD direct, guide, advise, help me put my life on a good path. because i was afraid to Talk To Professors. I do regret that.

not just professors, but just successful middle class winner people in general.

i overheard them talking that middle class kids get more direction in thinking creatively, thinking outside of the box, while the working class kids are more like “just tell me what to do. am i doing this right? tell me what to do and i’ll do it. please.”

which was haunting for me, since I felt like that ALL THE TIME at muh old job, and still feel like that a little bit, generally. i said FOOK creativity, we need to GET THINGS DONE. RESULTS. what do i do to make this work now. creativity is a bourgeois, effete, phaggy luxury that real working people in the real world don’t have time form. creativity is NAIVE and SOFT and WEAK.

i honestly dont put high value on being creative. i would rather get things done. be charismatic, be good with people, do good strong work.

so, according to her, i definitely have more working class values than middle class. which i kinda already knew hahahaha. the whole story of my life has been torn between those two worlds, and failing in both of them.

i would talk to them all day about class. but just stfu about RACE hahahaha.

because i have ALWAYS identified with and support the working class……but i always had class/status anxiety about becoming middle class. using muh SMART BRAIN to go to COLLEGE and get a nice middle class CAREER and marry a woman who’s also “smart” enough to get a college degree and spell words correctly and not get Working Class Tattoos hahahaha.

because there’s parts of the working class I dont like, the white trash shit, but honestly i think those are WAY outweighed by the positives.

so here’s this woman talking about all this stuff and it was honestly very interesting. i wish they had recorded the lecture, or that i had tried to talk to the woman more before the lecture. but i didnt because i felt like a nervous idiot who didn’t know how to talk to phd’s. besides she was a commie antiwhite feminist.

technically yes……..  but i guess i agree with the antiwhite marxists when it comes to class. i am very very pro-working-class. i just dont want a marxist revolution. maybe i want a nonmarxist workers revolution? maybe. one with a huge racial component hahaha. white workers. NSDAP hahahaha.

would REALLY like to meet an awesome inspiring person like this who is closer to muh views on Race. hehehehe.

listen if i were in the position of these educators and had black students who were honestly smart and honestly working hard, no way would i brush them off or try to keep them down. i would want to help them succeed.

if i were ever in a position to really truly literally DISCRIMINATE against someone based on race alone, i would hope i wouldn’t do it. i really wouldnt WANT to be in that position.

i just HATE how these altruistic, noble, good motives got wrapped up with horrible jooish marxism!!!!!!!

like all these admirable educators are also damn democrats who parrot the benefits of diversity to their dying day. can’t we just take that shit out? you can STILL HELP STUDENTS, regardless of race!

like the woman was talking about a student who was smart, but got bad grades. the student wanted to be a lawyer, but because they were a working class person with bad grades, their teachers were like, uhhh you might want to become a paralegal instead. because to be a successful lawyer you need to get on the right PATH: good grades. good schools. and this student was smart enough to be capable of that, but they are guided to be a paralegal instead of a lawyer. that discussion particularly interested me. as a smart person who ultimately got mediocre grades and never ascended to the Successful Track……..BUT PROBABLY COULD HAVE.

and this teacher is concerned with being a good teacher who helps those kinds of students get to that track. and i totally admire that.

i just wish they didnt have to be goddamn diversity loving, trump hating, SJW marxists!!!!!!!! who are scared and sad about the bigotry and hate of white trump voters!!!!!

why cant you be a white trump voter who loves the white working class but ALSO wants to see all students succeed and get on the right path? so that would be my niche hehehehe.

of course LAW is a risky choice anyway. dont become a lawyer OR a paralegal. is what i would tell the student. do a damn trade instead. and i think this woman teacher i was listening to was very open to that idea as well. appreciated the value of trades and trade education/educators. and i am thankful to be around educators who understand that. rather than humanities professors in the ivory tower with soft pink bitchhands hahahaha.

but yeah to be a successful lawyer you should aim for top tier…..or not try at all. its the best or nothing. i mean that’s just how it is with law. i wish it weren’t!

and yeah i wish college weren’t so expensive. i dont even know who to blame anymore.

but i think pushing trades education is always a good idea.

like how about get rid of high schools in black neighborhoods and have them do trades education starting at age fooking 14. get paid working experience starting at age 14, so that they can get a decent paying job at age 18. rather than have these shitty public high schools of teachers babysitting savage, uneducable “Students”. take those students at a young age, 14 at the latest, and get them into military or trade school, before they have time to become savages. that would be my recommendation as a huhwhyte nationalist educator who wants the best for students of ALL races.

lets just move this post into the BEST OF right now hahahaha.

DONE.

i mean heres the thing. i might just AGREE WITH J MARXISTS on some aspects of Education and Socioeconomic Class.

and i dont want J Marxists to have a MONOPOLY on those ideas. I want VVN’s to be able to claim those ideas too.

heh. there was another educator there who has very good reviews from students and teaches a class in Religion. he is a huhwhyte goy who seems to be a Good Teacher. i didnt get to talk or listen to him at all. i mean i have fears that he is a diversity loving shitlib. now his specialty is RELIGION. handsome youngish guy who SHOULD have a wife and 3 young children. does he? i worry that he is a fedora atheist who teaches why religion is stupid and right wing. but why would he get a graduate degree in RELIGION?

but why wouldn’t he get a graduate degree in THEOLOGY or DIVINITY and become a PRIEST?

he seems like a smart guy who knows alot about religion, but would he be good to go to for actual SPIRITUAL GUIDANCE????

i should have asked him why didnt he become a PRIEST hahahaha. i think its because he’s really into ((((buddhism)))) hahahahaha.

no i dont think theres anything inherently wrong with that. ive known some great people who were heavily into buddhism. thinking of an old college friend who was a GREAT, classic, inspiring guy, and he got a grad degree in something buddhist related.

excuse me “professor” but why do you hate christians? are you varg vikernes or something hahahaha at least then we would agree that HOLY FOOK I LUV BEING HWYTE hahahaha.

they might not explicitly luv being hwyte, but if they have a whyte wife and hwyte children………then ITS ALL GOOD!!!!!!!!

and shit i really like the issues that ((((SOCIOLOGY))))) looks at, like race and culture and status and class and society and men and women…………..but i wish there were a hwyte-friendly version of sociology, because currently, its about THE WORST field there is. the absolutely fooking WORST. SAD.

i mean if there were a Hwyte Sociology, I would get a phd in THAT. but there isn’t. there wont be in my lifetime. and i dont have the charisma or awesomeness or influence to make one myself. lets be realistic here. i mean yeah i often underestimate myself, but not here.

its so frustrating. to have smart people talking about very interesting things…..but to take the worst possible perspective on it. except for a few points about wanting to help working class students, or working class people in general. THAT I agree with them on. NOTHING else. sheeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeit.

and theres ABSOLUTELY NO WAY I could have a conversation with these masters and phd-level Educators and convince them that Hwytes are Awesome and plz drop this marxist white privilege bullshit. because I can’t argue, and I sure can’t argue against people who a large part of their jobs is arguing, in favor of shit I want to argue against. they would give me 6000000000 citations from other marxist phds why institutional racism is real and hwytes have a big debt they need to repay.  and i would give a few citations from RACIST, DISCREDITED sources like kmac and uh……cant say dr duke or dr pierce obviously. maybe could say rushton or bell curve or the DNA guy watson. but they already think these people are horrible racists!

uhhh well what about putnam. he was a shitlib who didnt like the conclusions he was reaching, that Too Much Diversity was Bad!

but i didnt even read the book!

supposedly kmac became gradually more redpilled as he did his research and wrote his books. he didn’t want to become a racist but by the third book (CofC), he had arrived, like it or not.

maybe just give copies of CoC to these people hahahaha. let them read it and say, this is hwyte supremacist bullshit thats no better than david duke hahahaha.

and i havent even read all of CoC myself!!!!!!!! its too try and dense hahahahaha.

and doing a phd in ANYTHING requires reading TONS of dry and dense stuff.

this will ALWAYS be inherent to ANY phd. its not going away. so yeah i am leaning away from the phd like i always was.

i mean i always wished i were better at arguing. ive never liked it because ive never been good at it. and certainly my lack of confidence doesnt help. you HAVE to be CONFIDENT to be a good arguer.

and to be a right wing ACADEMIC, you have to be confident and bold as fook. just couldnt do it. so i hate that The University has become so goddamn left wing. i dont need to tell you who to blame for that.

otherwise it might have been a good career path for a smart young man hahahaha.

and i’ve always been interested in this stuff more than any STEM or science, unfortunately. that would have made things a hell of a lot easier too.

so, what should a super right wing person DO for a career?

become a huge capitalist businessman like trump obviously hahahaha.

but i didnt really luv business classes. but if i had gotten a business bachelors degree, prob could have gotten an Entry Level Business Job hahahahahaha. but i would prob hate it because i dont like the way businesses are run. in very jooish, dishonest ways. fuzzy exterior at best, and rotten to the core. exploitin the workin class hahahahahaha. cutting corners and treating human beings as objects to make money.

and NOW i’m talking like a FAR LEFTIST!!!!!!!!!

but i swear. I’m really a far rightist but with strong pro-working class views. so i guess i should go cup matt heimbach’s balls HAHAHAHAHAHA.

no i like, respect, and admire heimbach and should read his stuff more. we need more men like that in the university.

or anglin or weev. or even k1ke enoch hahahaha.

but i also would like to have some role models who are Crazy Hwyte Supremists, but just total damn normies.

this is where that first guy comes in. he teaches in a field that is pretty Apolitical. and he would probably be the most open to listening to Right Wing stuff than the other Decent People I work with.

HOWEVER, I do want to take advantage of the fact that I work with decent people, with great careers, who are Kinda Leftist, but not Ragist Marxists like a Sociology PHD or something, thank GOD, and jsut have normal conversations with them, build Real Relationships with them, so I can Use Them as references and help muh own career, hahahaha. i mean i would buy them dinner in return, and give them good work. but it just involves me being charismatic on a daily basis.

and im not charismatic. i just try to be nice and friendly and smile and ask smart questions and show i’m smart and have initiative. but today i had a chance to make Good Witty Small Talk and I blew it and there was an awkward silence. I could have asked the guy about ANYTHING. movies, his family, his masters degree. but I choked. I mean later in the day I interacted with him and was friendly and smiled and made Good Eye Contact and said Have A Good Weekend so I think I did OK there.

but I want to do BETTER than OK!!!! I have a lot of lost time to make up for! I’m in a hole and have to dig my way out! OK isnt good enough!!!!!

OH YEAH. another reason this is a topkek post: had a dream last night with THAT WOMAN. She looked a little slutty and was acting a little slutty. which was rough because she never looked or acted slutty around me, and i LIKED THAT A LOT.  I wonder if she DID look slutty around me, if that would have made it EASIER in the long run, to shatter my pedestal fiction image of her. probably!

and maybe she DID act and dress slutty around other guys, guys she wanted to FOOK.  black guys hahahahahahaha.

anyway in the dream she was dating a hwyte guy, who was tougher and more badass than me. dressing and acting kinda secsy towards him. I was all butthurt and remember yelling at her: “N1993R FOOKER! you dirty degenerate N199ER LOVER!!! you god damn fooking wh0re!!!!” which really did not look good for me. at that point I look like the butthurt bad guy.

then she responded with hostility, not suprisingly. said no you’re wrong, see i’m not even WITH a black guy, i just needed a real man, not a little bitch like you. and i was acting like a little bitch.

and in real life, i was never that hostile or hateful towards her. i would never say that to her. i was a little angry and hostile, but i was more sad and disappointed and crushed. i still dont think she was a degenerate wh0re. i think she’s a good person who was in a tough situation and took the easy way out. we’ve all done it. i was a little disgusted at some things she was alleged to have done, but not to the extent i was in the dream!

i still view it more with sadness and disappointment, rather than hateful hositility.

not that i had NO anger towards her.

then later in the dream she started attacking me and “my team” of men with a sharp meat cleaver. turning into a horror movie villian who wanted to chop us up. And I brought it all upon myself by being a mean butthurt bitch to her. which then somehow justified her attacking me with a meat cleaver.

so i was humiliated that i lost control and appeared so weak and butthurt in front of her.

and in real life yeah this did sorta happen. i HATED appearing weak and needy and clingy to her. making her push me away. i pushed her away by needing her so much.

but i never said anything like n1993r lover hahahaha. i just said pleeeeaassseeee hang out with me i miss being frinedsssssss with you and she said stop it stop it stop it! leave me alone!

not my finest hour and yeah i am ashamed of being so weak.

so the dream brought alot of that back up. and showed her being Secsy, towards a tougher manlier man. another hwyte man. so i couldnt even bring Race into it hehehehe.

it was a pretty disturbing unpleasant dream! but thankfully it didnt ruin my day, I was over it about 2 hours later, and ultimately had a Pretty Good Day because of seeing That Awesome Guy. totally outweighed the cons of me being Awkward with the coworker and awkward with the other Professional Woman. i wasnt even awkward with her, i just focused on my task. and let other people chit chat with her.

but my job is so low stress, its NORMAL for people to chit chat! i TOTALLY could have left my “work” for 2 minutes to chit chat with her about Her Interests, some of which where 180 to my own, but others which were……360 hahahaha. right dead on.

but she’s a mature educator, i don’t think she is constantly judging people as WEIRD and AWKWARD. she wants the best for her students for gods sakes. she has probably learned NOT to be judgmental to people for being awkward.

i mean MOST people, they WONT judge you for being awkward, they wont even NOTICE IT, BECAUSE ITS ALL IN YOUR FOOKING HEAD!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

to make a pretty good day even better, theres this. oh GOD BLESS YOU LAD.

though i would have liked if he called them k1k3s rather than dinosaurs hahahaha.

see i wish mike had just been more like woes. at this point, i have more respect and faith and confidence in MW. I feel he is more honest, has more integrity. take the gay scandal. woes didnt blow it off and not talk about it. he made it perfectly clear that he did not support the gay agenda, that gayness was generally degenerate, and that he was glad to put his degen past in the past. he handled that VERY WELL so the people still bashing MW about it do indeed look like autistic shills. i wish mike had approached the JWife situation with similar openness.

i still technically support mike. he has done more good than i will EVER do. i’m just disappointed at how he handled this, which has lessened my faith in him a little. 10 to 20%. there was no such lessening of faith with MW.

heh i found george feels making a comment on another guys video where he HEAVILY suggests that he is JWise and that he listened to Dr Pierce in the god damn 1990s. WOW. i wish george would talk about this in his own videos. i think he will! i hope he does!!!! im being deliberately vague here because i dont want to push him before he’s ready. but i think he will be ready soon. i hope he keeps going down this road, it could help him, it helped me with similar problems. didnt fix them entirely, but it HELPED.

being part of something larger, and very very meaningful, and this holy thing is under attack. 1433 brothers hehehehe.

i listened to dr pierce in 2012 and it was pretty influential to me at that time. he had some GREAT content but his Activism was still VVN 1.0.  also i hear he wasnt the greatest father. SAD. but he could still redpill you on the JQ.

if anything it makes me want to talk to george more. i’ve messaged him briefly and gently encouraged him to look into this stuff…..and apparently he’s already pretty far in. GOOD! GREAT!!!

hopefully by the time this comes out in sept 2017 he will be moar forward about it.

wodensthrone curse – really good. think the second half is maybe stronger than the first! and thats always good. i was getting hair raising chills for like the last 10 minutes STRAIGHT. WELL DONE. i didnt think music could do that any more. that i couldnt get any joy or awe out of music. WODENSTHRONE.

good for george. good man. this increases my confidence in george. i was worried he was just gonna do the same thing for 5 years hahahaha. IMHO he needs to run with the racial stuff, but i wont push him to talk about it before he’s ready. i mean he is putting his actual FACE out there. and its more harmful to be doxxed for VVN than to be doxxed for neet loserness.

i am tempted to email him about this hahahaha but he might think i am a stalker. maybe i will email him in a couple months about it.

friday night, tom off, normally i would have been in bed 2 hours ago, now i am rocking out to WODENSTHRONE and really WRITING like an absolute madman. finally got some people at the card table to will do a little of that.

REALLY wish i had some MJ, AS DEGEN AS IT TRULY IS. that will be my damn VICE.  but on a night like this, i would stay up late, smokin MJ till 2 am hahahaha then crash to sleep a long solid unbroken dreamless refreshing sleep.

well the awesome guy accepted my linkedin invite same day and sent me a message asking for my email, i emailed him back with the info and Cupped The Cajones a little more, hahaha. unfortunately the sent email was formatted all weird so now he prob thinks i am an unemployable weirdo who needs more help than an Educator can provide, hahahahaha.

no i’ll buy him lunch if he wants, shit hes such a nice guy he would probably buy me lunch with his huge paycheck hahaha. i gently suggested to him he should write a book or do a youtube channel. shit maybe hes already written a book. probably a sizable minority of people we get have written books.

also today was inauguration day. did i mention that hahaha. trvmpenfuhrer is now no longer president elect, but full blown president. not bad. now watch him cuck for ZOG hahahahaha. but let us bitter fearful bigoted working class ammosexual trumpanzee hwytes have our brief moment of happiness hehehe.

i mean educated people treat you like youre IGNORANT if you say you dont believe nonwhites are OPPRESSED. period. oh you cant be SERIOUS. how can you not SEE the institutionalised racism! a person today was talking about “cultural capital” and yeah these sociology concepts are potentially useful, but they just take it to the wrongest conclusion.

i mean shit, maybe nonwhites ARE oppressed. but you wanna play that shitty game, you know who else is oppressed? HWYTES!!!! hahahaha. oppressed by J plutocrats and media masters and Globalist Banksters.

maybe my holy mission is to organize all goyim against the eternal international J hahaha. goyim here meaning whites and blacks and browns.

maybe i will get banned for even using the word g0yim hehehe. stupid g0yim. the G0YIM KNOW, SHUT IT DOWN!

what if i lived in the UK where they have no freedom of speech? dont tons of UK people use wordpress????

listen man i’m not inciting anything and i don’t HATE anybody. this is not a rabid hate channel hahahahaha. and these scumbags still went after MW. so glad he came back with his new video saying FOAD you scum.

 

WE’RE GONNA NEED A BIGGER OVEN

dec 6 2017

i met and talked to a solid, 100%, no doubt about it J today. No doubt about it. He walked in and immediately I saw the Kippah on his head and had to do a double take. almost got a double boner. are you fooking KIDDING me? i havent seen a J in YEARS, except for this guy who sailed past me riding a bike on the walk/bike trail last winter, who had a beard and little jewish strings dangling from his clothes.

but here was an actual living breathing J with a Kippa coming in as a customer! wow thats exciting. Also he had a very J name. he went by a “nickname” that sounded kinda goyish, and i was thinking, hmm that name doesnt sound very J’ish, then i looked him up in the system when he left and saw that his actual first name was pretty J’ish and unamerican hahahahaha.

but he was nice and friendly and great Verbal Intelligence. Polite and Nice and Friendly and not an asshole or a degenerate. And then I thought, do I want to put this NICE OLD MAN INTO AN OVEN?????

of course not, I don’t want to put this nice old man into a damn OVEN.

BUT i dont know him personally. maybe he beats his wife and molests children at the JCC. but he was meeting with two GOYIM, myself and my Senior SME hahaha, and he was clearly not treating him like CATTLE, or me for that matter. like he clearly trusted the opinion and smarts and judgment of my colleague, who is indeed very smart and capable and professional, and you SHOULD trust him.

we were basically helping the J’ish man with his laptop which seemed to be a cheap old thing, and he was not very computer savvy, although he has at least a masters degree in MATH. only smart people do MATH. also he wasnt super autistic or awkward. he had good social skills in other words. better than me hahahahaha.

so there is a photo of little J kids on the computer, he mentions he has 10+ grandchildren, and my first thought was not, oh shit, he’s MULTIPLIYING and WE’RE GONNA NEED A BIGGER OVEN, but oh, isnt that nice, he has a nice large family. be fruitful and multply.

the most jooish thing about his personality was that i could see him potentially being Pushy and Demanding and Difficult. But he was nice to us.

but yeah he LOOKED pretty J’ish, with beady little eyes and a Kippa and a beard. I honestly didn’t study his nose too closely. i guess it wasnt a huge jooish hooknose.  nose was about average i guess.

so if he’s wearing a Yarmulke, that means he’s an orthodox joo? so he’s RELIGIOUS. i mean better than being super Crypto. just come right out be like I am totally a Joo, and a religious joo at that. i think i prefer that to the alternative!

but because he was nice to me, i didnt want him to look at me and somehow detect that I am a YUGE anti-J hahahahaha and wanted to put him in an oven, that his people is my LEAST favorite race by far.

but i had no hatred or even dislike for him as an individual. in fact he seemed downright LIKABLE.

see this is what they call the Good J. of COURSE J’s here and there can be GOOD. Good People. but as a WHOLE, they’ve done more harm than good. if they were all like THIS guy, that would be great.

so i had to mention that, because i can’t remember the last time i Experienced an actual live J. I might have talked to a J on the phone in my previous job. maybe. I took like 2000 phone calls there, i’m sure i did.

so yeah. what do his children do? certainly all doctors and lawyers and engineers and successful rich J’s. they probably make more money than him because he chose to go into teaching. so that takes a pretty selfless kind decent person right? well except for the administrators and school board people hahahahaha.  and old school full time tenured union teachers hahaha.

i basically meet very interesting people every day. i really am quite blessed. but yeah i dont know how to MAKE THE MOST out of this.  and I’m nowhere near as interesting as these people.

another guy, white guy for sure hahahaha, came in today. he was full of 6000000000000000 stories and jokes and anecdotes and he was actually pretty funny and colorful, but yeah he was a talker. he had a damn Ed.S. degree too and possibly even a PhD. he talked about College Rivalries. I of course did not mention that my college frowned upon his college, because what the hell did i do with my life? he went on to build an interesting career, get a million degrees, have 3 kids, and now his daughter was going to the same pretty good uni he did, doing a Smart STEM degree and getting a scholarship to study abroad in a good STEM country, at 19/20 years of age. doing everything right in other words.

he himself, not sure what his undergrad degree was, but POSSIBLY computer science. not bad. he talked about how he had a decent internship that kept him busy. this was in the early 80s. i didnt realize internships were a thing. sheeeeit he probably actually got PAID for it. then after he graduated he immediately stayed on an extra year and got a masters. not sure if that was the EdS or something else.

so he was highly educated but he did not work at some big company. he started his own company doing ummmm financialish services, nothing super high status though, and also doing a lot of teaching on the side.

point is, he kept busy working like 60 hours a week for the past 30 years hahahaha and still does.

he was definitely a colorful personality, not an autist, not awkward, certainly had plenty of self confidence. was able to get married, have 3 children, at least one of whom is gonna be super successful. so he did well with his legacy.

so i looked him up and found a damn self published BOOK he wrote and i am reading that in another tab right now. its actually pretty good and paints a more sympathetic picture of him as a more humble, thankful, and god-fearing man, while in person he was potentially abrasive and obnoxious and arrogant and overbearing. not to me though. i could not keep up with his bantz tho, it was fast and furious. hot and heavy. these 55 year olds have more energy than me.

but yeah i like reading about peoples lives because i am too awkward to ask them these things. but this is the type of guy who will tell you story after story of his life unsolicited.

and of course i am insecure about the fact that i personally dont have any stories to tell.

no interesting good stories i mean. i can tell you pathetic, cloying, desperate, sad, boring stories hahahahahaha. but nothing funny or interesting or neat. just boring and sad.

he comes across as much sweeter in the book, its actually quite touching. candidly discussing his own struggles with his weight and his marriage and him praying to GOD for help and strength when interviewing for jobs. like sheeeeeeit this guy has the same fears and insecurities i do. but he has persevered and accomplished shit, whereas i have not.

he did not seem too Godly in person but this comes across a LOT more in his book.

and its just kind of neat to meet a person who breezes in and out in a whirlwind of sometimes inappropriate stories and jokes, then find their BOOK on google and read about their deepest fears and hopes hahahahaha. i wish i could do it with more people!

ive sort of done it with myself…..except its ANONYMOUS whereas he puts his real name on it. thats how i FOUND it.

and this guy came from a working class background, very prob the first in his family to go to college, and he made a pretty good go of it. his book immediately gets into the value of Work and being a Productive Useful person and asking GOD for help and strength. its really quite good and will give me something to talk about with him if I see him again, which I may. i guess he could think its creepy that I read his BOOK. but he probably wont. he will probably cherish the chance to talk about himself more hahahahahahahaha.

i can totally appreciate meeting new people and hearing their STORIES. everyones got stories. even i’ve got stories. it’s not a great one but its a story!

basically my whole story is one of a long, painful, lazy, low-energy struggle to become a damn ADULT and stop being a lazy negro bitch child aka a spoiled neet loser omega virgin hahahaha.

well i read the whole preview. I could probably ask the guy to just send me a PDF of the whole book. he also has another book on teaching and another book which is the biography of it must be this coach he knows and is written pretty reverently. the guy is not a bad writer.

hehehe maybe i should go to the J guy and be like oh i am so humbled by what your people went through at the hands of my people, i am SO SORRY for The Sins Of The Past hahahahahahha, you have taught us SO MUCH about Tolerance and Forgiveness and The Human Condition.

and he would say, oh thank you for recognizing the struggles and tragedy of my people, you didnt do anything wrong, but we must be ever vigilant against racism and bigotry so something like ANUDDA SHOAH never happens again.

ORRRRRRR I could approach him and be like, hey schlomo, we’re having a sale on WAGNER hahahahahaha. WAGNER.  wink wink nudge nudge.

ORRRRRR i could be like, see this huge swastika on muh chest. you know what that means hymie. YOUR KIND IS NOT WELCOME HERE. NOT WELCOME.

or i could be like, listen schlomo, im on to you. im a bad goyim. the man that you fear. i know about boas. i know about…..kaganovich. and the holodomor. i know about the uss liberty. and jonathan pollard. 911 was an inside job. culture of critique is muh bible. i have a signed photograph kmac. and Uncle Adolf. I know the words to the horst wessel lied. I watch triumph of the will and chill every day. i am your worst nightmare bubbie. i know what you did to my lord and savior. i know what you write about him in your talmud. and the blessed virgin mary. youve been kicked out of 109 countries in the past 2000 years and you keep saying the problem isnt you. well i got news for you schlomo. its not us, its you. so you got a couple of good J’s like muh teacher buddy. well if more of you were like him, you wouldnt have to fook off back to your homeland. he will be on muh short list of J’s who are allowed to visit. not live. visit. so why am i so hateful? because you turned my men into phaggot negros and sissies, and muh women into negro whores, and muh country into a shitty sewer only the trvmpenfuhrer can save, thank GOD for him. and you killed christ, ya god damn christkillers. and you flooded murderous muslim savages into muh homeland. and you ruined education. you poison everything you put your hands on. its not even funny. everything is a disgusting perversion with you people. and you caused world war 1 and 2 and god knows what else with your goddamn rothschilds. and the federal reserve. and the media. good god. i cant even. i am literally shaking right now. hahahahahahaha.

education. so i guess vouchers and charter schools are bad, and public skools are good. that is what i am supposed to believe, as a Professional Educator. well really i believe that the current state of things for new teachers is horrible, and they should pay them more and hire more teachers rather than paying a 30 year old permanent sub 14 bucks an hour to babysit a room full of 40 screaming negros and then paying a RentACop 9 bucks an hour to physically restrain the physical ones, while paying 55 year old retirees a pension of 100k a year hahahaaha. hire some more young teachers. hire some moar rentacops. put half the students in Military 4 Kids. that would be a better use of Taxpayer Money. send juvenile delinquents to the military. give them gunz and tell them to protect the border. give them some cheating military slutz and a booze ration. sterilize the coloreds and give them 10 grand worth of purple drank in return.

heh. i could go for some purpa drank. assuming its just straight codeine hahahaha.

friday night. sleep in tomorrow. ideal day for some you know what. MJ. not even purpa drank. MJ would be just fine.

took me 2 minutes to find the home address of the J guy hahaha. not even TRYING folks. but he lives in a super J area of town where old skool J’s live or used to live before they moved further out to SuperBourge Upper Middle Class and lost their religion hahahaha. area with a lot of old school jooish senior housing, torah skools, yeshivas, yahudas, whatever. his daughter marrying a ultra orthodox joo from israel hehehehe.

all these names R’ Moishe Shekelstein. So I guess R’ means rabbi or rav? whats a “rav”? is this guy not only a succcessful education professional, but a RABBI as well? was i just face to face with a damn orthodox jooish RABBI today? I think i was hahahahahaha. can you believe it.

https://guardyoureyes.com/index.php

heh i am spending too much time on the jooish internet again. this site has resources to keep religious jooish men from looking at naughty sites and pictures. you can even get a “kosher phone.”

http://forward.com/news/358939/neo-nazis-set-date-for-armed-march-against-jews-in-montana/

heh. i was looking up this j00ish school, brought me to the infamous j00ish mag the forward, where the top article was on andrew anglins upcoming march in whitefish. AWESOME. THE ABSOLUTE MADMAN. I will give him ANOTHER 6.16 just for this hahahaha. WELL DONE LAD.

heh my new j00ish rabbi friend probably reads j00ish news like this and is probably only of the only people i could conceivably meet in real life who has therefore heard of richard spencer hahahahahaha. i should ask him if i see him again. hey ever heard of this goy spencer?

http://therightstuff.biz/2017/01/01/how-to-waifu/

oh dear god why dont i ever read the TRS regular site hehehehe

http://bbs.dailystormer.com/t/can-a-prostitute-ever-become-a-faithful-wife/74782

hehehehe

best 2 sites on the internet

jeezum crow. millennial woes possibly doxed. seventh son possibly doxed. this is INSANE. bulbasaur was definitely doxed. i thought i knew MW’s normie first name but i never told anyone of course. i saw seventh son’s sunglass wearing face once in a video that was quickly removed from youtube. but my god. give these good men your money.

https://www.salon.com/2015/12/22/white_men_must_be_stopped_the_very_future_of_the_planet_depends_on_it_partner/

most antiwhite article ever hehehe yes ive seen it before, its not new

well…….nothing official about MW so far. no names, no dox. wewlad. but rumor that he was approached by the lugenpress recently and may need to get out of UK. god damn. send him some money.

and PROBABLY seventh son will be all right.

but i have seen the official bulbasaur dox where they blatantly mention names and faces and towns. yeah but it doesnt PROVE its HIM.

but yeah major people getting doxed is a big deal. its tragic but it might Strengthen the movement. like if it fires people up to donate 14880000000000 dollars to MW and get 1488000000000 white men marching with him and throwing nonwhites out of the UK. it’s still not WORTH doing though. youre essentially MVRDERING a human being out of hostile aggression.

WHY CANT MORE WOMEN THINK SLVTTISHNESS IS AT LEAST A LITTLE BIT GROSS

jan 5 new current year

just getting ready for the day. 656 am. i could PROBABLY sleep in an extra 15 minutes. maybe i will eventually do that. but i like having this buffer of time to write a few sentences, check email, and, of course, go make explosive coffee water #2’s like i am about to do right now.

ok did that. i mean its really quick.

anyway yeah my main issue now, and i didnt really have this at the previous job because that job was so stressful and packed that we really never had a chance to talk about anything not job related, we were all just trying to survive day to day. but now that the pace is a little slower THANK GOD, i am pressuring myself to be more social and charismatic and normie.

i mean i will take this new problem ANY DAY over what I faced before. im not complaining haahahha. well i kind of am. but never forget, that in comparison, it is not even 1% as bad altogether. i get a 99% reduction in stress and panic and thats The End Of The Story.

spent like an hour responding to a Support Ticket today that in my previous job, would have been expected to knock out in 20, or better 10 minutes. it doesnt matter if you dont know the answer. find the answer and answer it within 10 minutes. I laboriously wrote an email like the sloth. included Too Much Information and Misinformation. and I probably didnt even need to do ANYTHING, because someone else would be in in the afternoon that knew a lot more about the topic. an SME. but i was determined to Do Something and Add Value and figure out how to use the ticket system better. So I took a shot at it and hopefully superiors say good for him to try this, rather than, oh shit what a stupid fookup, i wish we could fire him, but he’s in the union grrrrrr. he totally did this wrong. gave the person bad advice, poorly written, and used the program in more wrong ways than we could imagine hehehehe.

anyway i did ok i guess. give myself a little more crrrrredit hahaha. had a paltry two customers in today and tried to act like a nice normie to them. painfully awkward small talk. jeez. for a while, i used to be GOOD at this. at my previous job. after i talked to people ALL DARN DAY i got pretty good at small talk. wish the learning curve wasnt that rough. because i cant handle talking to people ALL DARN DAY….well, when its complicated complex shit. and what im doing now is nowhere near as complex. it can get complex, but there are SEVERAL SME’s with Masters Degrees just waiting to Yank the Case from me. Aint No Need to BEG like I did before!

the beotch in the comments is half good and half bad. she says that she is automatically suspicious of anyone who talks of a BEST friend who is opposite sexs,usu means you are in luv with them. i would tend to agree! i guess you can have normal acquaintance friends of the opposite secx, but once you upgrade them to BEST friends or really really really close top tier friends….you are at big risk of getting FEELINGS for them. because of the INTIMACY.

i hate how wimmin dont think SEX is INTIMATE. god damn fooking SAVAGES.

well at least got under in calories today.

would LUV some MJ hahahaha.

https://www.google.com/webhp?sourceid=chrome-instant&ion=1&espv=2&ie=UTF-8#q=small%20talk%20for%20socially%20awkward%20people

i dont HATE small talk. i totally understand the idea of and why small talk is important. i would like to be able to DO small talk! any stupid autist who says small talk is retarded…..well thats a very immature and stupid thing to say. small talk is the basis of everything. big talk. relationships. success. friends. luvers. showing that you have charisma and confidence and that you are a smart cool charming person and worth hanging out with. or you can faily miserably and show what a boring, awkward, desperate, pathetic omega neet virgin you are hahahahahaha. this is all accomplished on the battlefield of small talk. small talk is ridiculously important and big hahahaha. i totally get that.

so yeah i luv the idea of small talk. i hate trying to do it and failing at something so important.

well this job will def be another big step in getting over that woman. makes it more and more distant. but damn i wish i hadnt been so pathetic and stupid and Creepy. wish id been stronger and cooler and not so desperate and needy and clingy.

so apparently you cant just walk into a store and buy MJ in california nao.

i guess i could tell people that i am interested in Relships and read Relship Advice stories a lot. because I honestly DO! this is kinda weird but its prob my most normie interest. i mean, cant talk to people about WN1488, Alt Right, or Black Metal. talking about RELSHIPS sounds completely reasonable and normie next to all that. and I could work in some spin on how casual secs is degenerate and sinful and disgusting.

women can be awkward and it doesnt hurt them, they can still gets jobs and relships. men and women are probably about equally socially awkward, but theres DISPARATE IMPACT on the men.

anyway. re that woman. yeah now that i think about it, a series of long conversations probably wouldnt have done much good. what WOULD have done some good is me making a BRIEF statement EARLY, like: yep i’m starting to act weird and want to hang out all the time becuase i’m starting to get feelings for you. This is getting hard for me to deal with and I don’t mean to Ghost you, but just do me a solid and give me some time and space, because I dont think you feel the same way, and I need some space to get over my feelings for you. Sorry. Best Wishes in life. You are a good person and I don’t mean to dump you. But this is hard for me and it needs a lot of effort from me. Think of a time when you got feelings for a guy friend and he didn’t return them. It was challenging, wasn’t it. The end.”

even that’s a little too long. and then if she did have feelings, she could respond to that. hahahahaha. so yeah. clearly she thought i was the entitled nice guy and was dreading the dreadful conversation where i tried to BEG her to be with me and tell her why she was WRONG when she said she didnt want me. and she didnt want to put up with that.

i mean i was already BEGGING her to respond. why wouldnt i BEG her to reconsider or change her mind or pleeeeease luvvvvv me back. the torture of hours of me begging.

yeah well i didnt even get a chance. thats the point. maybe i would have been mature about it. but desperate luv compromises your maturity. shit.

but yeah. i coulda and SHOULD HAVE finished all this with one SHORT email in december 2014. rip the bandaid off. sorry babe but I like like you. i obv need to get over that because you dont return the feelings. so i have to take a break from this friendship. i dont want to leave you in the lurch so let me know if i can pay an early termination fee or something. reddit said this can hurt for the friend to get friend dumped, so tell me what i can do to make this easier for you. though i promise you its a LOT harder for ME hahahahahahaha because my heart is utterly broken now and I might fall off the wagon and start doing heron again and K myself hahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahaha jk.

why would i even LOOK at tinder. its full of sluts who think casual sex is OK. fundamental incompatibility of Core Moral Values.

i want to meet women who think sluts are gross and being a slut is gross. i want to meet women who JUDGE sluts. negatively.

WHY DONT MORE PEOPLE JUDGE SLUTS NEGATIVELY. WHY DO SO MANY PEOPLE THINK SLUTTISHNESS IS OK. DAMN. WHY CANT MORE PEOPLE, ESP WOMEN, JUST THINK ITS AT LEAST A LITTLE BIT GROSS.

and why are these damn sluts such successful ADULTS. good normie ADULTS. good at college, good at career, people dont think theyre WEIRD, they LEARN shit and UNDERSTAND shit and can EXPLAIN shit. really get deep into blooms taxonomy of learning hahahaha. learn something deeply. you dont learn something until you can teach it to someone else. those who can’t do, teach HAHAHAHAHAHA.

some people say, dont do a masters degree unless you’re passionate and absolutely sure about it. dont half ass it, or use it as a stopgap because you dont know what else to do, you will waste too much money for too little return.

i tend to like this school of thought.

but then there the other side, which is like, we all need to pay our dues and do things that are tough and expensive and struggle in the medium term of 4 years or so, so things pay off 5, 10 years later. the day comes where you put away your childish toys, put on your big boy pants, and accept that you have to go to work for a living, and spent 80% of your waking hours doing things you dont really WANT to do, that you arent really PASSIONATE about, so you might as well maximize this by doing something that will pay off in the long run.

well, i had enough trouble going to college in a state of welp, i dont know what to do, but i got good grades in high school and i’m expected to go to college. so just pay your dues, get the extremely expensive piece of paper, and then you’ll be set.

but that was all lies hahahaha. so now the goalposts are moved? and i should go into GRADUATE school with the same mindset?

yeah but its a lot different getting into grad school than getting into undergrad. i did great in high school and got into a good undergrad without really much effort or maturity or planning. i did completely average in undergrad and could not see myself getting into an above average grad school without totally busting my ass in a go-getting, gung-ho, high-energy way that i have NEVER been.

and it doesnt seem WORF IT to pay shitloads of money to go to an average or below-average grad program, just to treat it as College 2.0 for when College is the New High School and Grad School is the new College and i hate the whole scam system anyway!

but in life you gotta SUCK IT UP and DO WHAT YOU GOTTA DO!

and why dont NORMIES have such a god damn internal conflict about it? they just go ahead and work hard and GIT R DONE.

heh. i wish i had a Career Coach ever since I was 16, staying on my ass and saying you need to do this, you need to do that.

now some people, their families do that. the chinee high expectations father. you can become doctor or engineer. get your masters degree or youre out of the family. i didnt have that at all, i was SPOILED.

cuz i didnt WANT to do anything. i needed to be trained with the carrot and the stick. left to my own devices in College, i totally went astray. a strong guiding hand, a foot being put down, that prob would have helped me in the long run. classic first world problems of being first in the fam to go to college hehehe. and of course i didnt appreciate that privilege at all. damn.

if i had to go to college, should have gone to local uni and stayed at home so the fam could have kept me in line, from doing stupid shit like MJ and alcohol.

but i still did MJ and alcohol when i was at home! i just hid it really well. i either would have gotten a DUI much earlier (which prob would have been GOOD), and probably did a bit less MJ, which DEF would have been good. definitely would have seen less of those crazy women doing crazy shit, which would have been good.

i dunno. alternate realities and what ifs and all that. i mean i still went crazy over women when being at home.

but yeah. ive never liked SCHOOL, and ive never liked WORK, and doing EITHER is PULLING TEETH.

See those normies? GOALS.

Goals are important. Goals are A Thing. See what happens when you have goals? You should have goals. Get Goals. Goals. Just Achieve Them.

all of education is fooked up. from grade school to grad school. serious fundamental problems with ALL of it.

heh. there should be homeschool grad school.

but you dont NEED grad school!!!!

well grad school is just perfect for some people! they are total grad school nerds! they clearly belong there!

i couldnt see myself getting in just because i couldnt see myself getting convincing recommendations and statement of intent. uhhh i want to get into grad school because i cant get a 26k FT job with a bachelors degree, so i’m really just treating this as high school 3.0. i fookin hate school but this is the bare minimum for being lower middle class in 2000s.

I would MUCH RATHER Just Work A Job. An Entry Level, 25k a year job, than go to god damn grad school. not that i have a good shot at getting into grad school ANYWAY! I have a better chance at getting the 25k a year job! and weve seen how fooking ridiculously godforsakenly hard THAT is! maybe it IS easier getting into a masters degree at a shitty noname school! MBA at phoenix!

yeah but i dont WANT to do an MBA, i would rather do a masters in relationship and despair counseling. which is an inherently useless degree! catch 22 here. quite the dilemma. and i dont want to be a social worker working with welfare blacks for a contractor with the city of oakland or the city of ferguson or something.

although its funny. today one of my “customers” was a black guy with an mba and I tried to make small talk with him. he was much better at it than me, but i am at least trying to be nice folks, i swear. but i cant talk about sports or anything. i cant tell this black guy that i am a trump supporting hwyte nationalist racist hahahaha. i nervously mentioned my interest in “news and current events”, which is FAIR…..BUT WHAT IF PEOPLE TAKE THAT BAIT and try to get you talking about TRVMP??????

well shit, this guy could actually BE a trump supporter, he seems to be a rather moderate, conservative, white acting, oreo black. almost like he is now overcompensating to not talk like a black, he is very well spoken, great speaking voice. he even made jokes about the HR diversity sensitivity training we had to do about trannies and shit hahahahahaha. i laughed and said yeah I hear ya man. well we didnt talk specifically about trannies. or have a frank conversation on race hahahahahaha.

see i dont hate blacks hahahaha. i just had an awkward conversation with a grad school educated black man hahahaha.

also all these people have experience giving lectures and discussions in front of groups of people. they have done that hundreds of times. there is no possible argument that this is not a GREAT life skill.

i would be dropping the spaghetti all over the place. oh now im the TEACHER and my STUDENTS are gonna think im an IDIOT. i never wanted to be a teacher but now i want to be a teacher even LESS, hahahahaha.

shit i can barely be a STUDENT. I can barely be a 13k a year EMPLOYEE. I cant even be a bare minimum ADULT. hahahahaha. I fooked up on easy mode, cant even deal with NORMIE MODE, hahahahaha.

funny all this goddamn self doubt even though now i am damn WORKING and that is an INFINITE improvement over where i was 2 months ago. why not just be happy about that.

went all in with AA, guy beat me with full house. sheeeeeeit.

heh. wonder what that woman is doing with her life right now. i know she got a job similar to what we were doing. probably making similar or more money, maybe higher up, def lots of hours, def lot more money than me, def making literally TWICE the money I am making. well shell have plenty of money to spend on her black bastard then hahahahahahahahahahahaha wawawawawawawawawawawa im so sad and lonely and want her back and will never get over her, muh perfect waifu hhahahahaha.

yeah i am playing things up a bit. but for a long time thats how bad it was. bad shit. wouldnt wish on worst enemy.

i guess its worse when i am working alongside 20 year old kids and they are all going to college, yup working on muh engin degree or nursing degree or HR degree, and then they graduate and get a 28k a year job, while you remain at the kid student job. at least here i dont have any young kids beside me being a constant reminder of what an old failure i am hahahahahahaha.

HUHWHYTE FEVER, HUHWHYTE FEVER, WE KNOW HOW TO DO IT

dec 22

what is SO IMPORTANT to you means NOTHING to them.

you feel close to them because you text them every day and they respond. big fookin deal. they spend all day texting 900000000000000 guys a day every day. nothing special there.

so you fooked them and now youre getting feelings and want to spend moar time with them. nothing special there, she’s fooked 90000000 guys and it means nothing, its just fooking, just secs.

so youve known her for years and you think thats special, big deal, she’s known a LOT of people for years, you’re nothing special.

but yeah. she was the ONLY person I texted almost every day. i had no desire to text anyone else every day. now i didnt text her 90000000 times a day, but just a couple times a day, and took some days off if i felt she was getting overwhelmed. and 90% of the time, she responded to me like she WASNT getting irritated or overwhelmed. So we continued texting on 80% of days. and that meant something to me because i didnt do that with ANYONE else. And I havent done that with anyone else since things ended with her.

so for you, the texting every day relationship might feel special, but for them, its no big deal, its something they can just throw away.

saw a 45 to 50 year old woman in the office next to mine and i was like hmmm damn look what she’s wearing, she has got quite the body on her for an older woman. i think i would definitely enjoy banging her hahahaha. stalk her briefly on the internet and find she is 51 years old. thats a first hahahaha. well, she looks very good for that age! seriously!

no, i dont have a THING for “MILFS.” shit yes i do prefer younger women to older women. but its just rare that you see an older woman with a good body. most women become fat and or blown out in general hehehehe.

but yeah. i just hate how every experience with a woman that was so important and meaningful to ME, was not important at all to them. everything is casual. casual secs, casual rels, casual lives, casual deaths, casual murder, casual people, casual friends, casual family, casual lovers, casual husbandos, casual children. doesnt anything mean anything to them? yep the big tuff alpha negatives they fall in luv with and would sell out their family and children for.

that feel when you jerk off thinking about banging a 50 year old woman. feels weird man hahahahaha.

hey this is probably the best way you can have purely recreational, casual secs, by banging a woman who is not fertile.

sheeeeit. i find that my writing is not as good as I want it to be. I think its mainly a matter of just being rusty, because i dont write Business Communications every day, well, i hadn’t been. so switching to the intentionally shitty writing i do every day here, well, intentionally lazy low effort I should say, to the high effort, concise, smart sounding writing I have to do when writing emails to people with masters degrees and phd’s, i mean thats a challenge. which i should not give up on.

for example the email I was suggested to write to some software users 2 weeks ago, eventually made it to the CIO, phd of the organization, as he recommends a pilot program for some staff. so the new guy with really rusty writing is trying to craft an email to experienced people, and it eventually gets to a phd who has been in a highass higher up position for 10 years. who has the power to tell my manager, himself an accomplished, educated, impressive professional, wtf were you thinking hiring this idiot who cant even write a coherent sentence. does he have emotional problems? was he out of a job for 15 months or some shit? is he a 35 year old neet virgin? he sure writes like one! hahahahaha.

see, another RAFT of DISTORTIONS. illogical thinking. i think people can TELL shit about me, when they really CANT. i think they are sitting here putting me under a microscope and judging me, when tbh they dont have the TIME.

well, some of them DO have the TIME. but they’d rather be flirting understandably, with the hawt milf admin assistants hahahahaha and banging a 45 year old womans tits in the storage closet hahahahahahhahahaha. maybe looking at webcam gurls from their work computerz hahahaha.

no the people in my org are on average really good people. i’ve been AMAZED at all the nice, decent, good, friendly, outgoing, genuinely good, non-sneaky people i’ve met here. the place seems to attract good people. big part of why i would luv a FT Career Job there.

even the higher ups are nice. maybe they do sleazy things in their office but they are nice to me and thats all i really care about when i am on the job. i mean i am just trying to survive one day at a time hahahaha. not that that is NEARLY as hard and grueling as it was at muh previous job. i mean theres an actual risk of me sitting there BORED with NOTHING TO DO. I cant even COMPREHEND this. that gives me a new sense of weirdness and anxiety. but its much much much better than the anxiety of answering phones all day and oh god i dont know what to do or what to say or how im gonna get out of this mess!!!! and muh relship with one of muh closest friends is going down in flames and shes sitting right there handling this shit just fine and not talking to me!

so yeah i will take care not to fall in luv with any of the women at muh new job hehehehe. probably should try not to bang the 50 year old woman in the supply closet hahahahahaha. but shit. you cant fall in LUV with a 50 year old woman, i dont care WHO you are.

but yeah like i say, i already have years of experience in this org, its a large 600+ employee org and i guess the culture is just really good, i like it, wouldnt LUV getting a FT career here until I am 65 hahahaha. i have worked in 2 departments here and interacted with people from even more departments and they are always nice and friendly and good decent good faith people. all the managers and supervisors have been decent non-scamming, straight shooting, respectable, accountable people. i appreciate that.

i never should have left 3 years ago. i got along with That Woman so well, we started talking naturally about jobs, she found a place that was hiring a bunch of people, we both got in, over the long term she toughed it out, and i gave up hehehehe. no i dont BLAME her for getting me that job…..im just saying if i never met her, i never would have gotten the job, and i never would have left the job i didnt really want to leave. but i NEEDED to leave it. at the time i felt it was a sign from GOD that he put my lovely friend in my life to help me break out of my Comfort Zone. hehehehehe.

so yeah i dont BLAME her for any of that. but i do regret taking that job and i do regret meeting her. but i dont hate her or blame her. just saying she was a net negative for me hahahaha. great highs but even greater lows. it was just a sad sad sad situation and i really didnt need that. but it wasnt her FAULT. she didnt do it intentionally. it was just a perfect shitstorm. when you are a lonely old man and you get along so well with a Lovely Young Woman. its a greek tragedy waiting to happen. and boy did it ever. holy shit. i did not respond to that challenge well.

so i work with nothing but very educated, very nice, very experienced, very professional people. its RIDICULOUS. these degrees these people have, I dont even know what they are. EdS degree. good lord. like this woman who essentially works next to me all day. when i think about her career and education and accomplishments I get damn INTIMIDATED!  yeah i talk mad shit about career women with their masters degrees, but this woman is honestly SMART AF! not like the chattering “flibbertigibbets” uncle bern talks about where he rightfully wonders, how do these idiots have graduate degrees. not so with the people i work with. like this WOMAN. I am kinda glad to meet a WOMAN like this. it proves to me on a daily basis that women actually CAN be smart and mature and reasonable and rational and logical and smart.

anyway i didnt want to pry but i gently got her talking about her family, because i am always interested in peoples personal lives, unlike uncle bern hahahaha. i will gossip about people’s families and wives and children all day. so turns out her daughter, who is probably 8 to 10 years younger than me, is making over 70 grand a year in a very in-demand field. she will never have a problem finding a very good paying job anywhere in the world. she went to a very selective, very well regarded university, albeit a very expensive private one, i guess taking on a decent amount of debt because this is prob the most expensive college in the state. but her gamble paid off because now she is making 70k a year at age 23, 24, 25. real high achiever. started a competitive, accelerated masters degree program within weeks of graduating undergrad. had masters degree less than a year later. had job offers before finishing that. was making fooktons more money at age 22,23 than i ever will in my whole life……and i went to a selective, competitive undergrad univ too! I COULDA BEEN A CONTENDER!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

and she got married around the age of 25 too! not riding the cok carousel too much despite being a very successful very young career woman!

so i said wow, good for her, she played her cards very well, you should be proud of her. i didn’t harp on how i was such a loser who could have been a contender. i tried to sound intelligent talking about colleges and grad schools and companies and industries and trends hehehehe. tried to talk like somebody who coulda been a grad school contender.

i mean i HATE grad school but the way this womans daughter did it, i am in favor of that: in demand fields, competitive programs, etc. exactly the type of shit I could never get into….but could have i hadn’t royally screwed up by being a fookin basket case in Uni. Peaked in high school, crashed and burned in Uni. This is what happens folks. but if you don’t crash, you can KEEP peaking past uni, past grad school, and peak in your damn 40s or 50s when you move from being a damn executive, to starting your own company and being the CEO President and hiring people from harvard to be your executives. which is the path this young woman is on. which i could have been on.

but, right now, I just dont want what I can get. and with good reason IMHO. paying 50 grand for a shit tier MBA-like degree that has a 50% chance of getting a 40k a year job……or if you are an underachiever without great social skills or high confidence or high energy or a great attitude or a great work ethic………. it wont get you anything.

and i see whcih of those groups i fall into and im like FOOK THIS SHIT, this is a losing bet for me, 50 grand saved is 50 grand earned, especially then the bet isnt gonna bring anything back for me over the long term.

so if i can make as much money without a masters degree as with one, then i might as well start trying to make that money right. hehehehe. and that has been a struggle of course. to make more than high school graduate money hehehe.

shit i mean if the people i work with NOW, PUSHED me to do a masters degree, they might be able to convince me. i mean i’m not ruling it out entirely. i never have. i am just skeptical as FOOK. you have to make a REALLY good argument to me. and really ive never been in the position to have people make that argument to me, until NOW.

theres this one woman at the new job who is super duper ridiculously nice to me……and that is exactly the type of thing i should try to take advantage of. she may want the D hahahaha. she is like 55 years old and not really a bangable 55 hahahaha, but she is not obese and not really ugly, and I KNOW she was prob a solid 8/10 when she was 25 hahahahahahaha.  anyway yeah i should get HER to write me a letter of recommendation, get HER to be a reference, buy HER lunches and dinners, anyway she says I am VERY SMART and she’s got a masters degree from a Good, Well-Known School hehehehe. which i will not name because doxing. but people have HEARD of this school.

so yeah when someone with a masterz degree from stanford says I Am Very Smart, I Blush with Pride hahahaha, i dont even care if they have a Schoolgirl Crush on me. I will TAKE that compliment hahaha. no they didn’t go to STANFORD, the place was a little worse than that hahahaha.

I SWEAR IM NOT AN IDIOT……..OR AM I??????? hehehehe. The way to muh heart is to reassure me that I am SMART. cuz I HATE feeling like a 101 IQ moron.

anyway she has a daughter who is probably a successful professional as well. who is probably AROUND my age, maybe a little younger hahahaha. working with people who have children who are a little younger than you, and WAY more successful than you, hahahaha. weird feel man.

i mean yeah at this point i will TAKE peoples patronizing pity. its better than NOTHING hahahahahahahaha.

and they are really not too patronizing or pitiful about it, they seem genuinely NICE! and i appreciate niceness. I try to BE that nice.

i just dont want to be too LAZY and too AFRAID to take action to pay it forward, like to buy people lunch and be outgoing and giving and talk to people. because this is a great OPPORTUNITY and i dont want to BLOW it. i have a habit of BLOWING OPPORTUNITIES. and giving up when the going gets tough. and here the going wont be getting too tough thank GOD.

and sometimes it seems UNFAIR that really this job is SO EASY and so low stress, while there are people out there getting fookin thrown the wolves. so i gotta approach that by being thankful and by paying it back/forward/whatever, by being a Really Nice Guy and SHOWING that to people, and not being too AFRAID to actually do that. bring in fookin donuts every day. do favors for people. buy fookin top shelf coffee and keurigs. buy gifts for people.

dec 23

this fookin guy just followed me on youtube who says he is alt left, and his ideal is white male asian female pairings. i guess he’s a white guy who believes the perfect race should be bred by white men with asian women. and he is NOT joking. WOW. I mean WMAF specifically grinds muh gears, I am VERY anti-yellow-fever. I only have HUHWHYTE FEVER. song parody of bee gees song hahahaha.

he has paired up with robert stark who i used to listen to regularly in 2012, 2013, then he disappeared, then he came back. he was never blatantly alt right but also had really interesting guests and is truly a Fair and Balanced journalist. he has WNs and Alt Right people on and doesnt judge them and i think he is probably redpilled on JQ. but i want him to have more of a personal opinion hehehe. he also sorta nnnnnnnoticed me sempai on my previous blog, so that HAD to be around 2012 or 13 at the latest. i mean he’s been around for a while and does quality work. but his new cohost is this weirdass asian lover, and i dont like that hahahaha. its not even strictly degenerate, its fookin WEIRD and disturbing and IMHO, Race Treason. but i will forgive a guy if he repents!

day before xmas eve. went to supermarket and it was the most packed i had ever seen it. had to buy some containers or boxes to wrap small presents in. also wanted to buy some fancy coffee to reward myself hahahaha. bought some sumatra organic coffee. i buy organic coffee to treat muhself. it is pretty good. not sure if as overwhelminingly good as I hoped, but its good.

last night felt the urge to crack open “THE CULTURE OF CRITIQUE” by stefan molyneux HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA and give it another try. it is a ridiculously dense book and honestly kind of dry unfortunately. its not a ripping page turner like you would want. there really should be a CoC for Dummies. i mean it takes a lot of effort and agency to read 1 page even. but its an IMPORTANT book, everyone should have a copy, and you should buy 20 copies for xmas and give it to your friends and family. should be required reading in all schools. you dont need to read it all at once. just have it in your house so when you want to read it, its there for you. buy copies to give to all the area libraries.

https://upfrommorallylazyloserness.wordpress.com/muh-top-tier-topkek-poasts/

added this new link to sidebar, decided I needed to have a page of all my better poasts, the top 5% or so. that when i go back and reread it i say, yep, thats one of the better ones. this is where i will collect them. is was yesterdays post that was a good one and made me say, hmm, i have to start organizing these for the readers hehehehe. or at least for myself hahaahaha.

went to social game yesterday and the suburban tavern was PACKED with more young qt gurls than i have seen in years. i think it was The Middle Class Gurls are Home From College for the Holidays. see, some of the cutest gurls Go Away to College and start riding the cock carousel, and i never see them, because they are segregated away in the college towns, and i def do not live in a college town! i used to when i went to college in a college town, and i can ASSURE you, there was a RIDICULOUS number of qt young gurls there, because they are taken OUT OF the Real World and put in these damn colleges to be sluts, and that is DEPLORABLE. They SHOULD be in the Real World. because these are REAL WOMEN, and it also PROVES the feminists and marxists are jooish liars when they say men have unrealistic standards of beauty for women. BELIEVE ME. there was like 10 girls in this tavern who surpassed unrealistic standards for female beauty then. i mean an 8/10 qualifies as Drop Dead Gorgeous. I mean these women are SO ATTRACTIVE i don’t even really WANT them. I just laugh and say, no im not missing out on anything, those women are SO above my league I know I dont even have a chance. And I am not bitter or butthurt about it. but i am kinda butthurt about not seizing the opportunity when I was that age and going to college in a college town FILLLLLLLLLLLED with young BEAUTIFUL girls!!!! hell NO i never even STARTED getting it out of muh system!

i am actually MORE interested in the young women who Arent Perfect Beauties, who have something Off about them. That Woman would be a good example. Compared to these Topkek Beauties, she was more of an Ugly Duckling, but that was MORE THAN GOOD ENOUGH for me.

but yeah. you want to see “unattainable” beauty? just go to any large college town and look at all those beautiful 18-21 year old girls! you will find THOUSANDS of them in every state in the union! it’s not a hollywood and new york only thing! you will find THOUSANDS of them at University of KANSAS!!!!!!!!! I DARE you to even TRY to prove me wrong.

and this is mother nature making even AVERAGE women ABSOLUTELY GORGEOUS at this time in their lives. 18-21. so they can pull a great man and start having many healthy children with him. instead they go to college to ride the cock carousel, get indoctrinated, and prepare for a life of career worship, cats, and moar cock carousel. DEPLORABLE.

basically there are SHITLOADS of BEAUTIFUL young women out there, which actually makes me optimistic, in that if ANY of these women were hanging out with me, showing interest in me, and being loyal to me, and wanted to be muh gf basically, i would FORGET THAT WOMAN EVER EXISTED. there are MANY women out there who could REPLACE and ERASE her PERMANENTLY and make me forget I ever knew her. that are BETTER than her in EVERY way. there are TONS of possible women in Suburban Trvmp Country USA who would wipe the floor with That Woman.

Just go to a Tavern in a Middle Class Whitish Neighborhood on Xmas Break.

and before you had Jooniversities, these women would just be remaining in their hometowns where they belong instead of being physically removed, turned into sluts, then moving to cities to be even bigger sluts.

of course, i mean these girls were SO qt that i wouldnt CARE if they had been with 20 guys by age 20. well, i WOULD care if I were trying to Date Them. and after banging them, i would inevitably want to date them, and they would inevitably dump me.

just go to a large uni for engineering, do your first 2 years (or more!) at community college, then when you first arrive on campus as a 20 year old junior, go to parties and social events, don’t drink, and try to pick up innocent looking 18 year old freshman gurls. there are still plenty of VIRGIN GURLS out there. find an 18 year old virgin and she will luv you because you are her FURST, and then marry her and give her many children, make lots of money in your stem career, give it to your beautiful large huhwhyte family, and live happily ever after. LITERALLY. and your wife will always luv you and be loyal, because you are her FURST, ideally she would be your FURST too, and she’s DEFINITELY not gonna leave you if you are successful and make good money. live happily ever after. the end. and then your many huhwhyte children grow up to be successful and have large huhwhyte families like you did. can you even IMAGINE a more beautiful thing?

and people actually DO this! this isnt an unrealistic, unreasonable goal like becoming president or becoming a pro sportsball aflete or becoming a rapper.

heh. THAT WOMAN was an 18 or 19 year old virgin when she committed to her original boifran. she was loyal to him and worked to improve the rel when it got rough. she didnt bail out or throw him away. heh. of course then i wished I could have been her First Luv and have her show that loyalty and effort and hard work and luv and commitment and devotion to ME. and kinda jelly of that guy. what a PRIVILEGE to have an 18 year old virgin gurl LUV you and be COMMITTED to you. many of us will never know that feel hehehehehe. the best you will get is some MERCENARY who gives you her body for a MINUTE and you NEVER FORGET IT and she forgets you after a minute. cuz it means nothing to her, and means a lot to you. ya omega neet virgin hehehehe.

good morning huhwhyte america with adam and mary is now taking bitcoin dnations hehehe. shut up and take muh money.jpg hhahahahahaha. they are wholesome and comfy AF. and assholes like varg and sinead would give them shit for being CHRISTCUCKS hahahahahaha. uh oh, then they are jooish shills by definition hahahaha.