THE NARCISSIST WHO WAS AFRAID TO TALK ABOUT HIMSELF WITH REAL PEOPLE

jan 18

https://radio.therightstuff.biz/2017/01/18/rebel-shoah-fashy-struggle-session/

mike enoch gets interrogated wooooot

soundcloud comments dont seem to optimistic, suggest there are no really tough questions, that stuff is brushed off, and the first 5 minutes are not diving into tough questions like i would have liked. i do not have a great feeling tbh.

takes 36 minutes to start maybe getting good??? maybe 43.

heh i expected him to be more shaken up. honestly this is getting boring hehehehe.  uhhhh i was kinda hoping he would act like something happened. to take like 10 straight minutes talking about why its really not ok to marry j00s, or something. i dunno.

how about distraught from losing your family and your 100k job. I would be going CRAZY. Couldn’t even do a conversation with people. i dunno i guess i wanted him to be a little more emotional about it all, even if emotions are womanly.  strong men also have SOME emotions lebowski hahaha.

he doesnt sound like a man whos life has just been ruined.

i dunno. little disappointed. did not meet my expectations. didnt expect to listen to a 2 hour podcast for him to say “i am conflicted about this.” i mean he SHOULD be conflicted about this!

whoa many JCC’s around the nation target for some threats. now here’s some hot news!!!!!

i wanted him to put something personal out there. share something. i guess he doesnt HAVE to, we dont OWN him, i was just hoping for a lot more reassurance than I got. I am glad mike is not K’ing himself and not so worried that he can’t go on…..but what do you really have to SAY about your J wife? he said yeah she’s a J, hasn’t said 25%, 50%, or 100%. this stuff matters! does she have a really J lifestyle and ideology? has TRS’s anti-J’ish caused real problems with their marriage? it probably SHOULD!

i realize he’s not a LEADER, he certainly doesn’t see himself as a leader, and yeah that really comes across here. he may not be a LEADER, but his opinion carries some weight, and i wish he had a stronger opinion about this!  yeah this is “drama” but its also LEGIT drama!

if anything, Sven has stronger leadership qualities than Mike, and Sven is not really pushing Mike to talk about the tough stuff.

im not saying accuse mike as a betrayer, but also he should WANT to address people LEGITIMATE CONCERNS!!!!!!

ok he clarifies that he was notified today he was not welcome at his workplace anymore.

listened to 1:51 and nothing really jumped out at me. i wanted it to jump out. this is kinda a big deal.

so maybe the higher ups have lost a little credibility with me. maybe i will end up spending more time at DS than TRS hehehe. i mean TRS still has great podcasts though. the fatherland.

but man they ban people like crazy on that forum. i kinda like how DS forum is a lot more laid back re the banning. trolls talk mad shit and no one gets banned. i figure let the trolls talk shit, the rest of us will just ignore them. (AN IGNORE BUTTON WOULD BE NICE, THO hahahaha)

i dunno. just not what i really WANTED from mike i guess. but mike is not the leader of trs. and trs has plenty of people who would be more conflicted about their race mixing hahahaha. i just dont want to see a pattern of softening amongst the trs higher ups like sven, i dont want to be disappointed in him too.

WELL, THERES ALWAYS daily stormer at least hahahaha.

i guess i have become a bit less enthusiastic about donating shekels to TRS, where my enthusiasm for donating shekels to stormer has not waned one bit. that probably means something.

heh. i just wanted answers and resolution NOW and i guess im just gonna have to WAIT and see if mike gives anything better. i wish i had a better feeling about it.

i mean mike was never my number 1 favorite podcastfu anyway hahahaha. but he was part of my top tier! i didnt have all my eggs in that one basket tho, which i guess is good.

http://www.huffingtonpost.com/entry/meet-10-women-who-rushed-to-get-an-iud-before-inauguration-day_us_587fa3dae4b0c147f0bc56f8

dear lord

i dont want to have children so i can benefit humanity by being a phd research scientist . well just close your legs ya science slut.

you need the hormones for your acne or whatever. how about stop slathering chemicals on your skin and use a very diluted mix of very light salicylic acid hehehehe. maybe lemon juice. maybe just plain water. maybe dove sensitive skin soap.

how about you just stop fooking guys and if you dont want to get preggers, dont have secs with guys when you are on the period!!!!!!

how about be a lot more careful about the secs you do have?

dont have secs for like 7 days around your period. have the guy pull out or wear a condo. have him put it in your degenerate ass hahahahaha.

jan 19

oh dear. i remember when this happened but never really read any follow up on what derek black is doing now. i guess he hasnt come back to VVN and writes shitty articles for the JY Slimes about how trump is a racist and he’s so glad he’s matured past that.

https://www.washingtonpost.com/national/the-white-flight-of-derek-black/2016/10/15/ed5f906a-8f3b-11e6-a6a3-d50061aa9fae_story.html?utm_term=.fc3b626816d0

theres the wapo one with a lot of tldr hahahaha. anyway he honestly seemed like a pretty smart kid from a young age, BEFORE he got to college. knew all the red pill stuff many of us only learn AFTER college. and then he was blue pilled by some jooish guy who invited him to a diversity dinner? that made his whole system come crumbling down? he still seems like a smart intelligent guy!!!! this is really weird shit.

i can understand distancing yourself from his father who might be a little corrupt. but distancing himself from the whole movement is insane. why didnt he just join up with some of the young alt right people? newer groups like daily stormer or TRS?

he used to mock the ideas of white privilege! how did going to a leftist college where they took “white privilege” seriously just totally change his mind where he did a total 180??????????

its implied that the antiwhites had better SCIENCE for why race is a social construct, and how IQ diffs can be explained by education and opportunity and all that. that convinced derek black. a seemingly smart young man. the SCIENCE and STATISTICS were more convincing to say that there was no white genocide hahahaha.

what i’m saying is, he’s smart enough to weigh the evidence of both sides. and smarter people than him have done so and concluded that Race Is Real. I just want to know what was REALLY the deciding factor.

Him trying to make friends? but he was pretty open about it before going to the college.

maybe he got a super antiwhite Jooish gurlfran while he was at the college, who made it her project to convert him. this seems more likely than the above. i mean he didnt sound like a friendless autistic virgin dying for acceptance like i was hahahahahaha.

or maybe it was “just” being his fathers son. his fathers whole life is VVN 1.0. i am thinking don black was a halfway decent father and wasnt really cramming it down dereks throat though. and it sounded like derek willingly got on board.

i would bet theres subconscious father rebellion going on here. and thats why he couldn’t “just” go to VVN 2.0, he had to throw the baby out with the bathwater.

it’s sad because he seemed like a smart guy and could have been valuable to the movement. despite looking like a huge jackass with his hair and style. i mean he looked like a fedora libertarian virgin hahaha.

what really happened here? you dont just get hit with antiwhite statistics from J’s in J00niversity and say wow i never considered that before, and then do a 180.

i mean i was an antiwhite shitlib in jooniversity, but i never put much EFFORT into it. i was just like rabble rabble white privilege hurr durr institutionalized racism hurr durr imperialistic white males punching down, because that was what everyone around me was parroting, and i wanted to make friends, and especially to make gurlfrans hahahaha. I didn’t put extracurricular effort in going to meetings, or doing activism, or writing articles, or reading howard zinn. Many of my peers certainly did. i would rather sm0ke MJ and be like fight the man, maaaaan. like a lebowski deadbeat. and when i did meet trve believer marxist activists, they kinda weirded me out. like these people are WAYYYYY too tryhard. I’m not LIKE THEM, AM I? and maybe THAT started me on really questioning my not-so-strongly-held “beliefs” that white men were oppressing everyone.

derek black did the exact opposite of what I did. it’s a great STORY. but a sad one. fooked up.

so yeah he would be the bigger traitor than mike enoch hahahahaha. but I really don’t like how enoch basically did not talk about the tough questions. left me with no confidence hahahaha. ok mike, you’re not a leader, we get it. maybe i will really stop viewing you as one after all this.  have a very fishy weird feeling about how he has handled all this so far. it just seems like too little. like that’s it?!?!?! that’s the best you can give us?!?!?! you can and should do better than that.

so yeah i wouldnt quite call him a dirty traitor like black hahaha. because i think mike is gonna continue to say Savage Stuff about Da J00z. but he has not removed the Seed Of Doubt in many people’s mind. And I’m MORE than willing to give him the BENEFIT of the doubt!

but he’s not addressing the ELEPHANT IN THE ROOM!!!!!!!

The rank and file of TRS forum are great people. i guess i identify with them more than the TRS higher-ups. this could very well be the start of distrust with the higher ups. stormer forum is less banhappy and i like that.

no im not aguing for more freedom or democracy or less fascism hahaha.

maybe im saying i am losing a little faith in the TRS higherups.

but who are the MODS of stormer forum? anglin and weev sure, and I am FINE with them! if thats the whole of “stormer leadership” i would be 100% happy with that. ….but are there others with the power to BAN?

dunno, just wanted the “higherups” (if not “leaders”) to take this a LITTLE more seriously and not treat people asking reasonable questions as spergs or shit stirrers. shit i thought i was a moderate pvssy compared to many others…..who have prob already been banned from TRS hehe.

and derek black. im just trying to distract myself from the enoch drama. theres just better ways for him to rebel against his father. maybe become a successful engineer who doesnt even write about race hehehe. or be somewhat moderate and normie rather than turn into a damn far leftist.

if youre gonna be FAR anything, be a far rightist hahahaha.

YES don black has some shady stuff going on with the “unrealized projects” and I hate to agree with the splc on this. but that is fishy and derek is right to be critical of it. but dont turn your back on your race man. not cool.  i mean you dont have to go -1433. just go to 0.

maybe he’s rebelling against don and he doesnt even realize it. don seems like a better father than william pierce but im sure its still intense growing up in VVN 1.0. if stormfront were smart they would engage more with stormer and TRS. like david duke has! funfact: don black married david duke’s ex-wife and created the new human life of derek black with her, hehehehehe.

i guess derek is on this thing now where he was like hwyte europeans were SAVAGES and they didnt invent shit, the MUSLIMS were doing all this shit like ALGEBRA while white barbarians were in caves. good lord.

i mean its a FAIR QUESTION as to WHY the muslims went from being SOMEWHAT scholastic and academic and scientific and intellectual in their golden age of algebra and math and architecture and all that……SO WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED in the meantime??!?!?!?!

theres a disqus thread on the first official shoah and everyone that isnt kissing mikes ass is being denounced as a renegade-tier moron. wow.

you dont need to divulge too many personal details…..but ADDRESS THE ELEPHANT IN THE ROOM. don’t pretend like thats NOTHING. and then call the people with understandable doubts and skepticism abotu that PURITY SPIRALERS. Come on. I am as SOFT and MODERATE and wishy washy as they come. but I just wanted a little better from him.

shit yeah I’m welcome to leave. there’s the door. yeah well right now i will take one step towards the door because theres still plenty of good stuff at TRS. and I am SURE mike will say plenty of good stuff in the future. but he didn’t do much to DISPEL THE SEED OF DOUBT.

believe me, im no PURITY SPIRALLER. I’ve dont degenerate shit. I am a huge neet loser virgin untermensch hahaha. mike makes 14 times the money i ever will. i just think i would shown more integrity in this situation, hahahahahahaha.

well wheres MY podcast? wheres my forum? wheres my influential Media Platform? thats what i thought hahahaha.

well i’ve had 3 other longass blogs that went nowhere hahaha but I HAVE been associated with pro-hwytes since 2012. I bought a grindy greggy book in 2012 and I got culture of critique in 2013 hehehe. i recognize this guy on stormer forums from comments on heartiste in like 2007 hahaha. he’s found his way over there and I can’t blame him! welcome!

yeah i mean i KNOW in j00 york and j00 jersey EVERYONE is at least 25% jooish hahahahahaha. and its really not the end of the world to be married to a part J. it’s how you talk about it with the damn hwyte nationalist group you started hahahahahahaha. i guess there is not gossip like “is TRS really actually “VVN” or are they gonna disavow or equivocate on that term?

I’m very comfortable with the label, just as I’m very comfortable with “alt-right”, and i admit this can cause confusion, because not everybody conflates alt right with VVN. MY BAD!!!!

But I kinda thought TRS of all people would openly self-identify as VVN.

well, i am more confident that they are pro-hwyte, and thats really good enough. i mean, i would happily take an 88% hwyte nation hahahaha. just no less. dont want to get into a purity spiral here hahaha.

hey at least im not fooking googles like some hwyte trash woman hahahahahaha.

i just hope the fatherland guys maintain their integrity. they MIGHT say more on the next episode. i mean i dont really EXPECT them to, its much less their place than it is mikes place. but i wonder: would they get kicked off TRS if they were too critical of mike? also, they are close with sven. and one of their hosts has essentially become a higherup himself, doing a lot of forum technical work. I’ve really liked this guy BOF and I hope he doesnt start “cucking” or “shilling” hahahahahahaha.

welp better pack muh bags for renetard express, toot toot. go eat a mile of sinead’s shit hahahahaha. heh. i will start my own 1433 media empire before i do that hahahaha. i will meet goys in real life before i do that hahaha.

derek black. this guy is saying all white trvmp voters are extreme VVN’s like stormfront. WRONG. they are just normie hwytes who have had enough. they dont HATE anybody. they arent EXTREMISTS. sheeeeit even many VVN’s dont HATE anybody. I dont HATE anybody. I just want an 88% hwyte country and i want the J’s to stop attacking and slandering and libeling and lying about hwytes, and i want whytes to stop apologizing for it and to be less damn SUICIDAL as a race.

jan 20

hahahaha stupid linkedin GURLS WHO CODE news item in muh feed and leave it to some arab to say LOOKIN BEAUTIFUL LADEEZ hahahaha which i’m not opposed to saying in principle, but you should be smart enough to know not to say on lindkin, but there are so many arab, streetshitter, and chinese trolls and sock and spam and fake accounts on linkedin making stupid comments everywhere. in the past ive seen SJWs take them to task on this is EXACTLY the kind of comment we DONT want to see, but now I think people just assume quite rightly that these people might be BOTS.

i just think its funny that they are nonwhite bots, often indians who themselves are writing code in sweatshops for a dollar a day. bet they wish they could code as good as these 16 year old black girls!

saw a guy today i first met several years ago. but this guy is just great. absolutely great. total mancrush on this guy. he is highly educated and very successful and very respected and also just one of the nicest, sweetest people you could ever meet. i mainly knew his son who was also a real nice, good, decent guy, but, very much like me, he had a hell of a hard time adulting. a lot of that was due to health issues, being born into a bad body, hahaha. so he has a much better excuse than him. but he was a great guy. his father is a great guy too, but way more successful. so i saw the father today and shook his hand heartily and said give my regards to your son, he’s a good guy, you’re a good guy, i’m happy to see you again, and i was. i was in the next room as he gave a presentation to other people with masters degrees and phds and his presentation/lecture was very high energy and interesting. lets just say he’s into educating and listening to him in this “classroom” it made it clear that he would probably be a VERY good educator, teaching, with students. i had never really heard him in this mode before, but big surprise, he’s great at that too.

give this guy an award! the rest of the day i was like holy shit, he is such a great guy, wow, what an awesome dude, was so nice to see him again.

(he completed his phd later in life, within the past 5 years, after he was already successful and had a good career and a nice family. I think I saw him shortly after that happened and congratulated him on it.)

great, great, great, great guy. he seemed to remember me even though i hadn’t seen him in…..over 3 years.

and i was like holy shit. i was in a GOOD MOOD for HOURS after that. I was like DAMN I gotta meet MORE people who are this awesome.

then i thought, well, that’s a little GREEDY. and what’s wrong with the people I already know? are they chopped liver?

but fact is, only 10% of people are in the top 10% of awesome like this guy is. not everybody can BE that awesome.

so i thought, it’s ridiculous to want to meet more people as awesome as him. first, theres not that many people that awesome, second, how am i worthy of knowing so many of them and having them hang out with me?

and then i thought, it would be LESS ridiculous for me to get married to this man so i can cup his balls all day and bask in his awesomeness. that would generally give me the same effect hahahahaha. being around one super duper awesome person all day every day.

and that’s greedy in another way, greedy and needy on one person. im just one man, find some other people to fill your needs. so yeah, having a Team of Many Awesome people would be best.

the trick is FINDING these people and IMPRESSING them so that they LIKE you.

How did I find this guy? I knew his son, who was/is a great guy, but not nearly as AWESOME in terms of being a successful adult. but this endeared me to the son in a different way. i could relate to the son being a “neet loser”, and I couldn’t RELATE to his father, but I had/have a huge mancrush on his father and see him as a great role model.

and it’s terribly mean to call the son a “neet loser” because he was SUCH a nice guy! probably got that from his father, who is SUCH a nice guy as well! so i can’t disparage the son, other to say that its SAD he’s not getting the great life he deserves for being such a nice man like his father.

anyway i looked up the father on linkedin today when i came home and requested a connection. chances are he wont even SEE it, but if he does, that would be nice.

the son doesn’t have linkedin. prob has facebook but i dont have facebook. i hope the son is doing well…….but i wouldnt be surprised if he wasnt. which is sad. he deserves better and is probably depressed af but doesnt even know it. so i didn’t want to push the father too much on this aspect. i just i hope your son is doing ok, he’s a great guy and deserves great things.

anyway im not alone in thinking the father is a great guy. he has LITERALLY touched hundreds of lives as an educator and i’m sure many of those people are cupping his balls as well. he deserves it.

there are sneaky J’s in this world, and sad things happening to good people, but there are also people who are just so god damn awesome you can’t believe they even EXIST, but they do. and if you can meet as many of those people in real life and spend as much time as possible with them……maybe one day you could BE that awesome. wow. what a thought.

the guy is AMAZING. he is an INSPIRATION. I mean every damn word. if it sounds like im gushing its because i am.

all people cant be this cool, unfortunately……….. but you can STILL recognize the awesomeness of regular average joes. i would like to be able to do that more. i just need an EXTREMELY awesome guy to break through my thick shell. but even less awesome people are still awesome enough.

im talking about hwyte people of course hahahahahaha. nonhwytes, i just dont really care about. i dont wish them any harm, but i’m not as concerned about recognizing their awesomeness.

(i guess if you are an educator dealing with a lot of black kids, you might get passionate about recognizing the awesomeness in each one of them. ok fine. in fact i think that’s a mark of an Awesome Educator. which this guy is. except he doesnt teach a ton of inner city black kids hahahahahha.)

but yeah. spend enough time with this guy and you will want to become a TEACHER hahahahahahaha. he’s one of those. one of those that probably ends up in many students “Muh Favorite Teachers Of All Time” lists. really blowing minds, melting hearts. good for them. we all need as much of that as we can get. but i think this can’t be taught in teachers college really. you have to be born with that spirit.

actually i might have some of that spirit! but i do NOT want to go to teachers college and be a damn teacher.

so yeah seeing him was a wake up call for me. that within every hwyte, there’s a spark of that same awesomeness. i might not see it right away. they might not see it right away. but I should FIND it and then SHOW them that I appreciate them for it. be a real cheerleader.

shit i wish i could cheerlead muh SELF in that way, but uhhhh never been able to do that in 30+ years.

it goes without saying this guy is charismatic af. you HAVE to be. it goes hand in hand with all that.

now muh new coworkers, ive said before they are all awesome in their own ways, and they are. i should try to appreciate them for that and to show them that appreciation…..so that they can recommend me for good jobs hahahahahahahaha. you need all the recommendations and references in life that you can GET. for jobs and Grad Skool hahahaha. not that i promise to ever GO to grad skool……but i also want to prove that I’m smart hahahaha. because that’s a legit reason to go to grad skool hahaha.

2 of muh coworkers are pretty charismatic guys, including muh direct manager. good role models, in other words, and i REALLY dont want to WASTE the OPPORTUNITY, the PRIVILEGE of getting to know these people.

this is what every young man needs………but im not a young man any more. i might be too old to really benefit from this stuff hehe. it IS especially valuable to have access to people like this when you are YOUNG.

it’s my HWYTE PRIVILEGE that i had access to types like this when i was young. but i was so fooked up, immature, and sissy anxious, that i AVOIDED people like this. AVOIDED NICE PEOPLE WHO COULD HELP ME!!!!!!!!!!!

Well i’ve gotten better about not avoiding them any more hahaha.

and i just want to be good about being a NORMIE and having normie conversations with my good guy manager, for example. have normal conversations and over time build a real Relship, so that i can talk to him about his life and family and career, and even more importantly for muh narcissism, talk about my life and my career hehehehehe.

i’m a total narcissist who is AFRAID to talk about muh self with other people!

now thats a weird ass situation to be in.

because i am ashamed of how little i’ve achieved and how i’ve never had any real career goals.

who doesn’t have career goals?

LOSERS!!!!!!!!!!!!

well, no one’s a LOSER, but uhhhhh at this point its beyond the scope of an educator, you need a different kind of professional help, have you thought about seeing a shrink or a psychiatrist hahahahaha.

YASSSSSSSSSSSSSSS.

So he was talked to this other woman who is currently doing a PHD in a marxist as hell field and is being advised by a marxist professor, and i was like oh great, im gonna have a field day listening to this woman’s lecture.

and yeah there was bullshit in there about hwyte privilege and closing the achievement gap with blacks……but at the same time, these people at least were still genuinely concerned with Just Helping Students Succeed.  Period. and I had to respect that. they weren’t k1kes rubbing their hands with how to keep evil whites down. they just sincerely want to help all students succeed. and i can totally respect that.

i just think they would have a much better go at that if they acknowledged the reality of racial differences.

however i might just agree with them on the class differences. like this woman was talking about the experience of growing up in an honestly shitty town, no one goes to college, let alone gets a phd, and she talks about stories of smart kids who just didnt get the right direction by their teachers. and i can totally sympathize with that . in a way i kinda feel like that.

but most of that is On Me, because I Actively AVOIDED the people who COULD direct, guide, advise, help me put my life on a good path. because i was afraid to Talk To Professors. I do regret that.

not just professors, but just successful middle class winner people in general.

i overheard them talking that middle class kids get more direction in thinking creatively, thinking outside of the box, while the working class kids are more like “just tell me what to do. am i doing this right? tell me what to do and i’ll do it. please.”

which was haunting for me, since I felt like that ALL THE TIME at muh old job, and still feel like that a little bit, generally. i said FOOK creativity, we need to GET THINGS DONE. RESULTS. what do i do to make this work now. creativity is a bourgeois, effete, phaggy luxury that real working people in the real world don’t have time form. creativity is NAIVE and SOFT and WEAK.

i honestly dont put high value on being creative. i would rather get things done. be charismatic, be good with people, do good strong work.

so, according to her, i definitely have more working class values than middle class. which i kinda already knew hahahaha. the whole story of my life has been torn between those two worlds, and failing in both of them.

i would talk to them all day about class. but just stfu about RACE hahahaha.

because i have ALWAYS identified with and support the working class……but i always had class/status anxiety about becoming middle class. using muh SMART BRAIN to go to COLLEGE and get a nice middle class CAREER and marry a woman who’s also “smart” enough to get a college degree and spell words correctly and not get Working Class Tattoos hahahaha.

because there’s parts of the working class I dont like, the white trash shit, but honestly i think those are WAY outweighed by the positives.

so here’s this woman talking about all this stuff and it was honestly very interesting. i wish they had recorded the lecture, or that i had tried to talk to the woman more before the lecture. but i didnt because i felt like a nervous idiot who didn’t know how to talk to phd’s. besides she was a commie antiwhite feminist.

technically yes……..  but i guess i agree with the antiwhite marxists when it comes to class. i am very very pro-working-class. i just dont want a marxist revolution. maybe i want a nonmarxist workers revolution? maybe. one with a huge racial component hahaha. white workers. NSDAP hahahaha.

would REALLY like to meet an awesome inspiring person like this who is closer to muh views on Race. hehehehe.

listen if i were in the position of these educators and had black students who were honestly smart and honestly working hard, no way would i brush them off or try to keep them down. i would want to help them succeed.

if i were ever in a position to really truly literally DISCRIMINATE against someone based on race alone, i would hope i wouldn’t do it. i really wouldnt WANT to be in that position.

i just HATE how these altruistic, noble, good motives got wrapped up with horrible jooish marxism!!!!!!!

like all these admirable educators are also damn democrats who parrot the benefits of diversity to their dying day. can’t we just take that shit out? you can STILL HELP STUDENTS, regardless of race!

like the woman was talking about a student who was smart, but got bad grades. the student wanted to be a lawyer, but because they were a working class person with bad grades, their teachers were like, uhhh you might want to become a paralegal instead. because to be a successful lawyer you need to get on the right PATH: good grades. good schools. and this student was smart enough to be capable of that, but they are guided to be a paralegal instead of a lawyer. that discussion particularly interested me. as a smart person who ultimately got mediocre grades and never ascended to the Successful Track……..BUT PROBABLY COULD HAVE.

and this teacher is concerned with being a good teacher who helps those kinds of students get to that track. and i totally admire that.

i just wish they didnt have to be goddamn diversity loving, trump hating, SJW marxists!!!!!!!! who are scared and sad about the bigotry and hate of white trump voters!!!!!

why cant you be a white trump voter who loves the white working class but ALSO wants to see all students succeed and get on the right path? so that would be my niche hehehehe.

of course LAW is a risky choice anyway. dont become a lawyer OR a paralegal. is what i would tell the student. do a damn trade instead. and i think this woman teacher i was listening to was very open to that idea as well. appreciated the value of trades and trade education/educators. and i am thankful to be around educators who understand that. rather than humanities professors in the ivory tower with soft pink bitchhands hahahaha.

but yeah to be a successful lawyer you should aim for top tier…..or not try at all. its the best or nothing. i mean that’s just how it is with law. i wish it weren’t!

and yeah i wish college weren’t so expensive. i dont even know who to blame anymore.

but i think pushing trades education is always a good idea.

like how about get rid of high schools in black neighborhoods and have them do trades education starting at age fooking 14. get paid working experience starting at age 14, so that they can get a decent paying job at age 18. rather than have these shitty public high schools of teachers babysitting savage, uneducable “Students”. take those students at a young age, 14 at the latest, and get them into military or trade school, before they have time to become savages. that would be my recommendation as a huhwhyte nationalist educator who wants the best for students of ALL races.

lets just move this post into the BEST OF right now hahahaha.

DONE.

i mean heres the thing. i might just AGREE WITH J MARXISTS on some aspects of Education and Socioeconomic Class.

and i dont want J Marxists to have a MONOPOLY on those ideas. I want VVN’s to be able to claim those ideas too.

heh. there was another educator there who has very good reviews from students and teaches a class in Religion. he is a huhwhyte goy who seems to be a Good Teacher. i didnt get to talk or listen to him at all. i mean i have fears that he is a diversity loving shitlib. now his specialty is RELIGION. handsome youngish guy who SHOULD have a wife and 3 young children. does he? i worry that he is a fedora atheist who teaches why religion is stupid and right wing. but why would he get a graduate degree in RELIGION?

but why wouldn’t he get a graduate degree in THEOLOGY or DIVINITY and become a PRIEST?

he seems like a smart guy who knows alot about religion, but would he be good to go to for actual SPIRITUAL GUIDANCE????

i should have asked him why didnt he become a PRIEST hahahaha. i think its because he’s really into ((((buddhism)))) hahahahaha.

no i dont think theres anything inherently wrong with that. ive known some great people who were heavily into buddhism. thinking of an old college friend who was a GREAT, classic, inspiring guy, and he got a grad degree in something buddhist related.

excuse me “professor” but why do you hate christians? are you varg vikernes or something hahahaha at least then we would agree that HOLY FOOK I LUV BEING HWYTE hahahaha.

they might not explicitly luv being hwyte, but if they have a whyte wife and hwyte children………then ITS ALL GOOD!!!!!!!!

and shit i really like the issues that ((((SOCIOLOGY))))) looks at, like race and culture and status and class and society and men and women…………..but i wish there were a hwyte-friendly version of sociology, because currently, its about THE WORST field there is. the absolutely fooking WORST. SAD.

i mean if there were a Hwyte Sociology, I would get a phd in THAT. but there isn’t. there wont be in my lifetime. and i dont have the charisma or awesomeness or influence to make one myself. lets be realistic here. i mean yeah i often underestimate myself, but not here.

its so frustrating. to have smart people talking about very interesting things…..but to take the worst possible perspective on it. except for a few points about wanting to help working class students, or working class people in general. THAT I agree with them on. NOTHING else. sheeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeit.

and theres ABSOLUTELY NO WAY I could have a conversation with these masters and phd-level Educators and convince them that Hwytes are Awesome and plz drop this marxist white privilege bullshit. because I can’t argue, and I sure can’t argue against people who a large part of their jobs is arguing, in favor of shit I want to argue against. they would give me 6000000000 citations from other marxist phds why institutional racism is real and hwytes have a big debt they need to repay.  and i would give a few citations from RACIST, DISCREDITED sources like kmac and uh……cant say dr duke or dr pierce obviously. maybe could say rushton or bell curve or the DNA guy watson. but they already think these people are horrible racists!

uhhh well what about putnam. he was a shitlib who didnt like the conclusions he was reaching, that Too Much Diversity was Bad!

but i didnt even read the book!

supposedly kmac became gradually more redpilled as he did his research and wrote his books. he didn’t want to become a racist but by the third book (CofC), he had arrived, like it or not.

maybe just give copies of CoC to these people hahahaha. let them read it and say, this is hwyte supremacist bullshit thats no better than david duke hahahaha.

and i havent even read all of CoC myself!!!!!!!! its too try and dense hahahahaha.

and doing a phd in ANYTHING requires reading TONS of dry and dense stuff.

this will ALWAYS be inherent to ANY phd. its not going away. so yeah i am leaning away from the phd like i always was.

i mean i always wished i were better at arguing. ive never liked it because ive never been good at it. and certainly my lack of confidence doesnt help. you HAVE to be CONFIDENT to be a good arguer.

and to be a right wing ACADEMIC, you have to be confident and bold as fook. just couldnt do it. so i hate that The University has become so goddamn left wing. i dont need to tell you who to blame for that.

otherwise it might have been a good career path for a smart young man hahahaha.

and i’ve always been interested in this stuff more than any STEM or science, unfortunately. that would have made things a hell of a lot easier too.

so, what should a super right wing person DO for a career?

become a huge capitalist businessman like trump obviously hahahaha.

but i didnt really luv business classes. but if i had gotten a business bachelors degree, prob could have gotten an Entry Level Business Job hahahahahaha. but i would prob hate it because i dont like the way businesses are run. in very jooish, dishonest ways. fuzzy exterior at best, and rotten to the core. exploitin the workin class hahahahahaha. cutting corners and treating human beings as objects to make money.

and NOW i’m talking like a FAR LEFTIST!!!!!!!!!

but i swear. I’m really a far rightist but with strong pro-working class views. so i guess i should go cup matt heimbach’s balls HAHAHAHAHAHA.

no i like, respect, and admire heimbach and should read his stuff more. we need more men like that in the university.

or anglin or weev. or even k1ke enoch hahahaha.

but i also would like to have some role models who are Crazy Hwyte Supremists, but just total damn normies.

this is where that first guy comes in. he teaches in a field that is pretty Apolitical. and he would probably be the most open to listening to Right Wing stuff than the other Decent People I work with.

HOWEVER, I do want to take advantage of the fact that I work with decent people, with great careers, who are Kinda Leftist, but not Ragist Marxists like a Sociology PHD or something, thank GOD, and jsut have normal conversations with them, build Real Relationships with them, so I can Use Them as references and help muh own career, hahahaha. i mean i would buy them dinner in return, and give them good work. but it just involves me being charismatic on a daily basis.

and im not charismatic. i just try to be nice and friendly and smile and ask smart questions and show i’m smart and have initiative. but today i had a chance to make Good Witty Small Talk and I blew it and there was an awkward silence. I could have asked the guy about ANYTHING. movies, his family, his masters degree. but I choked. I mean later in the day I interacted with him and was friendly and smiled and made Good Eye Contact and said Have A Good Weekend so I think I did OK there.

but I want to do BETTER than OK!!!! I have a lot of lost time to make up for! I’m in a hole and have to dig my way out! OK isnt good enough!!!!!

OH YEAH. another reason this is a topkek post: had a dream last night with THAT WOMAN. She looked a little slutty and was acting a little slutty. which was rough because she never looked or acted slutty around me, and i LIKED THAT A LOT.  I wonder if she DID look slutty around me, if that would have made it EASIER in the long run, to shatter my pedestal fiction image of her. probably!

and maybe she DID act and dress slutty around other guys, guys she wanted to FOOK.  black guys hahahahahahaha.

anyway in the dream she was dating a hwyte guy, who was tougher and more badass than me. dressing and acting kinda secsy towards him. I was all butthurt and remember yelling at her: “N1993R FOOKER! you dirty degenerate N199ER LOVER!!! you god damn fooking wh0re!!!!” which really did not look good for me. at that point I look like the butthurt bad guy.

then she responded with hostility, not suprisingly. said no you’re wrong, see i’m not even WITH a black guy, i just needed a real man, not a little bitch like you. and i was acting like a little bitch.

and in real life, i was never that hostile or hateful towards her. i would never say that to her. i was a little angry and hostile, but i was more sad and disappointed and crushed. i still dont think she was a degenerate wh0re. i think she’s a good person who was in a tough situation and took the easy way out. we’ve all done it. i was a little disgusted at some things she was alleged to have done, but not to the extent i was in the dream!

i still view it more with sadness and disappointment, rather than hateful hositility.

not that i had NO anger towards her.

then later in the dream she started attacking me and “my team” of men with a sharp meat cleaver. turning into a horror movie villian who wanted to chop us up. And I brought it all upon myself by being a mean butthurt bitch to her. which then somehow justified her attacking me with a meat cleaver.

so i was humiliated that i lost control and appeared so weak and butthurt in front of her.

and in real life yeah this did sorta happen. i HATED appearing weak and needy and clingy to her. making her push me away. i pushed her away by needing her so much.

but i never said anything like n1993r lover hahahaha. i just said pleeeeaassseeee hang out with me i miss being frinedsssssss with you and she said stop it stop it stop it! leave me alone!

not my finest hour and yeah i am ashamed of being so weak.

so the dream brought alot of that back up. and showed her being Secsy, towards a tougher manlier man. another hwyte man. so i couldnt even bring Race into it hehehehe.

it was a pretty disturbing unpleasant dream! but thankfully it didnt ruin my day, I was over it about 2 hours later, and ultimately had a Pretty Good Day because of seeing That Awesome Guy. totally outweighed the cons of me being Awkward with the coworker and awkward with the other Professional Woman. i wasnt even awkward with her, i just focused on my task. and let other people chit chat with her.

but my job is so low stress, its NORMAL for people to chit chat! i TOTALLY could have left my “work” for 2 minutes to chit chat with her about Her Interests, some of which where 180 to my own, but others which were……360 hahahaha. right dead on.

but she’s a mature educator, i don’t think she is constantly judging people as WEIRD and AWKWARD. she wants the best for her students for gods sakes. she has probably learned NOT to be judgmental to people for being awkward.

i mean MOST people, they WONT judge you for being awkward, they wont even NOTICE IT, BECAUSE ITS ALL IN YOUR FOOKING HEAD!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

to make a pretty good day even better, theres this. oh GOD BLESS YOU LAD.

though i would have liked if he called them k1k3s rather than dinosaurs hahahaha.

see i wish mike had just been more like woes. at this point, i have more respect and faith and confidence in MW. I feel he is more honest, has more integrity. take the gay scandal. woes didnt blow it off and not talk about it. he made it perfectly clear that he did not support the gay agenda, that gayness was generally degenerate, and that he was glad to put his degen past in the past. he handled that VERY WELL so the people still bashing MW about it do indeed look like autistic shills. i wish mike had approached the JWife situation with similar openness.

i still technically support mike. he has done more good than i will EVER do. i’m just disappointed at how he handled this, which has lessened my faith in him a little. 10 to 20%. there was no such lessening of faith with MW.

heh i found george feels making a comment on another guys video where he HEAVILY suggests that he is JWise and that he listened to Dr Pierce in the god damn 1990s. WOW. i wish george would talk about this in his own videos. i think he will! i hope he does!!!! im being deliberately vague here because i dont want to push him before he’s ready. but i think he will be ready soon. i hope he keeps going down this road, it could help him, it helped me with similar problems. didnt fix them entirely, but it HELPED.

being part of something larger, and very very meaningful, and this holy thing is under attack. 1433 brothers hehehehe.

i listened to dr pierce in 2012 and it was pretty influential to me at that time. he had some GREAT content but his Activism was still VVN 1.0.  also i hear he wasnt the greatest father. SAD. but he could still redpill you on the JQ.

if anything it makes me want to talk to george more. i’ve messaged him briefly and gently encouraged him to look into this stuff…..and apparently he’s already pretty far in. GOOD! GREAT!!!

hopefully by the time this comes out in sept 2017 he will be moar forward about it.

wodensthrone curse – really good. think the second half is maybe stronger than the first! and thats always good. i was getting hair raising chills for like the last 10 minutes STRAIGHT. WELL DONE. i didnt think music could do that any more. that i couldnt get any joy or awe out of music. WODENSTHRONE.

good for george. good man. this increases my confidence in george. i was worried he was just gonna do the same thing for 5 years hahahaha. IMHO he needs to run with the racial stuff, but i wont push him to talk about it before he’s ready. i mean he is putting his actual FACE out there. and its more harmful to be doxxed for VVN than to be doxxed for neet loserness.

i am tempted to email him about this hahahaha but he might think i am a stalker. maybe i will email him in a couple months about it.

friday night, tom off, normally i would have been in bed 2 hours ago, now i am rocking out to WODENSTHRONE and really WRITING like an absolute madman. finally got some people at the card table to will do a little of that.

REALLY wish i had some MJ, AS DEGEN AS IT TRULY IS. that will be my damn VICE.  but on a night like this, i would stay up late, smokin MJ till 2 am hahahaha then crash to sleep a long solid unbroken dreamless refreshing sleep.

well the awesome guy accepted my linkedin invite same day and sent me a message asking for my email, i emailed him back with the info and Cupped The Cajones a little more, hahaha. unfortunately the sent email was formatted all weird so now he prob thinks i am an unemployable weirdo who needs more help than an Educator can provide, hahahahaha.

no i’ll buy him lunch if he wants, shit hes such a nice guy he would probably buy me lunch with his huge paycheck hahaha. i gently suggested to him he should write a book or do a youtube channel. shit maybe hes already written a book. probably a sizable minority of people we get have written books.

also today was inauguration day. did i mention that hahaha. trvmpenfuhrer is now no longer president elect, but full blown president. not bad. now watch him cuck for ZOG hahahahaha. but let us bitter fearful bigoted working class ammosexual trumpanzee hwytes have our brief moment of happiness hehehe.

i mean educated people treat you like youre IGNORANT if you say you dont believe nonwhites are OPPRESSED. period. oh you cant be SERIOUS. how can you not SEE the institutionalised racism! a person today was talking about “cultural capital” and yeah these sociology concepts are potentially useful, but they just take it to the wrongest conclusion.

i mean shit, maybe nonwhites ARE oppressed. but you wanna play that shitty game, you know who else is oppressed? HWYTES!!!! hahahaha. oppressed by J plutocrats and media masters and Globalist Banksters.

maybe my holy mission is to organize all goyim against the eternal international J hahaha. goyim here meaning whites and blacks and browns.

maybe i will get banned for even using the word g0yim hehehe. stupid g0yim. the G0YIM KNOW, SHUT IT DOWN!

what if i lived in the UK where they have no freedom of speech? dont tons of UK people use wordpress????

listen man i’m not inciting anything and i don’t HATE anybody. this is not a rabid hate channel hahahahaha. and these scumbags still went after MW. so glad he came back with his new video saying FOAD you scum.

 

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ALT RIGHT VVN 14VV JAYCUE

dec 14

hmmm been more busy with job related stuff that i thought. it is technically easy and almost enjoyable. but also want to impress people and show initiative and show that i am smart and prove myself and KICK ASS.

stayed up too late reading the new BERNARD CHAPIN book MAN GOING HIS OWN WAY

which according to amazon, IS supposed to be 8.5 x 11 inches big.

i mean its not perfect. he’s really not the greatest writer. and i have read BOTH his other books. he always has entertaining stories to tell and strong opinions to share, but i honestly see better WRITING from the posters on TRS or MPC. And Bern is a voracious reader and has a masterz degree, you’d think he’d write a little better. but alot of the stuff reads like a first draft.

NO MATTER. HE IS A GOOD MAN AND DESERVES YOUR SUPPORT.

Like his videos and him talking are a lot better, more engaging, than his writing. So when I read his writing, I always imagine him reading it in his style, which makes it seem better.

tons of juicy stories about his rels with women. and they are not flattering stories. tbh he comes across as an immature dick and thats why these women leave him hahahahahahahah. but they don’t really leave him, he leaves them! or he is such an asshole to them that he intentionally pushes them away! why didnt you just dump the gurl yourself Uncle B? well, he was only 19 or 20 years old so i can forgive him. Also i appreciate the honesty of him admitting to being a jealous monster. I know that feel bro hahahaha. but he was only a jealous monster once in his life, for one woman, for a few months, and then he stopped. never beat anybody up. never abused anybody. in fact he gradually lost interest in HER afterwards and she dumped him and he was HAPPY.

so yeah i cannot identify with ANY of that hahahahaha.

also if i’m reading this correctly, he has banged more women than years he’s been alive. or at least when he was 32, his number was positive. this is his “number” and i thought it was interesting. taken from hockey. forgot what its called. over under, positive negative, plus minus? basically number of gurls you banged minus your age, and hope you get a positive number, but when he was in his 20s, he had a negative number. like i would have over a -30 hahahaha. i thought it was an interesting metric hahahaha. good one bern.

Bern says matt forney was editor/proofreader, actually I think Forney is probably a better WRITER than Chapin, although a lamer GUY hahahaha. Forney is like if Chapin had never banged 30 women hahahaha. No I was reading Forney back when he was IN MALA FIDE. I am OLD FOOKIN SKOOL. I just am concerned that forney and chapin encourage each others worst habits, namely, mgtowism and not wanting a waifu hahaha. chapin has felt the innate spark within to have children so i give him credit for that, that’s what really matters. but he is dead set against a wife, and seems resigned to the fact he prob wont have children. that is too bad. i still want him to impregnate a 20 year old white gurl. MAKE IT HAPPEN.

and forney is a fat sad bastard who drinks too much and bangs nonwhite sluts. i cannot and will not approve.

but i wont crap on forney too much. he makes a living from writing and all that. i would just really like it if he got in shape and committed himself to hardcore, alt right, 1488, WN. submitted to TRS and let them mold him hahahaha.

anyway yeah the book could be better but it could be a lot worse. but i still had tons of questions:

what kind of effort did bernard make in these relships?

why did he just lose interest?

talk more about his relship with his father. his mother. his sister.

talk more about his career, graduate school. for a very very masculine man, he picked a very very feminine field!!! (psychology, school psychology.) but i don’t doubt his masculinity one bit either.

i just think he is honestly a SPERG who has some difficulty socializing. maybe. but yeah i will always feel SOME sort of connection to him because he helped me get where I am now, and I have spent countless hours listening to infernos. i mean he is a really entertaining, fun speaker.

did he ever have EXTREME DOUBTS about himself? bouts of TOTAL DESPAIR? I don’t really think so.

how did he prepare for Grad School? Were his Grad School papers better written than his books?

how is it THAT hard for him to get along with women?

talk more about male friends.

actually i think he DOES talk about SOME of this in “escape from gangsta island” which was a nice long book, I enjoyed that one too. just can’t remember the details.

Bernards a Good Boi Dindu Nuffin, would just like him to come fully over to the 1488 Alt Right and its pretty cringeworthy when he says that NSDAP/AH were total MARXISTS.  hmmmmmm. Marxist Leftists.

He talks about going on JDate in this book and he seems to be aware of J’ish identity. it was a hilarious story. his Alpha Male friend pretty much dared him to go on JDate in return for a cash loan when Bern was broke from going out with 10 women at the same time. Then he was going out with 14 women at the same time. he got so bored, berned out, frustrated, and annoyed, that he said FOOK THIS SHIT and basically RETIRED from women. Modern women are stupid, annoying, intolerable, unlikeable, I’d literally rather be alone. And he has been alone ever since hahahaha. he is definitely a very PRINCIPLED man hahaha. I just wish he had better luck with the women and met some damn DECENT women already. I think it was a mix of his stubbornness and terrible luck that did it. he saw the worst of the worst. really he should have stayed with his first GF, and not dumped her when they were 16 hahahahaha. but he said she was boring, they had nothing to talk about, nothing in common, she was just smokin hot and generally nice to him, so that was good enough for 6 months or so.

i dunno, i never dated a gurl for 6 months with regular banging, so i wouldnt know! maybe you CAN get bored with a person like that!

he is an interesting case. he says he is introverted and awkward, yet he powered through that and did “WORK”, facing his fear and approaching thousands of women, horribly and awkwardly, and was able to bang dozens of apparently awful, immature, horrible, intolerable, childish women who were not relship worthy.

i know a large part of this is him hanging around with yuppies and professionals and SWPLs in chicago.

i dunno. i just feel he was never in the right place at the right time. what if he were young NOW, with a growing alt right. even I am getting too old. thankfully I’m not THAT old. I’m not SO old that I can’t be part of the alt right. i sure wish i were 10 years younger though. better than wishing you were 22 years younger i guess. Bernard was still Slaying Poosay when he was my age hahahaha.  or maybe he had JUST become a proto-MGTOW. remember: he is “SO OLD” that MGTOW was a BRAND NEW thing when he was in his 30’s. sheeeeeit. how can you be 46 and SUPER OLD. it’s NOT super old. but now MGTOW is clearly old, outdated, tried and failed, discarded, moving on to something better. continuous improvement. still guys like me and def bernard have been molded somewhat by mgtow, will always have a mgtow streak in us. i dont think its a BAD thing.

but yeah im not as much like bernard as i thought i guess. i mean i always knew he had a TON of experience with women, but i guess this just proves it. BUT has he ever really been in a SOLID rel for 2 years or longer? I cant say. well i havent gotten to the chapter about his WIFE yet. I guess she was REALLY crazy. he jumps all around. he has barely even MENTIONED his wife yet. knowing his jumpy writing style, he might skip over the wife altogether.

I mean I should really just have a skype meeting or phone call with bernard already, he’d probably be willing.

yeah i cant think of anyone i really want to TALK to tho. I’m perfectly fine reading their books, peoples forum poasts, watching their youtube vidyas, i dont really want to have a CONVERSATION with anyone. except maybe people from TRS, MAYBE. esp local people for real life meetups. there is actually a TRS group in muh city area which I have not contacted them about at all. guess Im not really serious about the 14 words then!

Back a few months ago, i really want to talk to and have a conversation with That Woman. Now I am like meh. its DEFINITELY too late for that. it would no longer be productive. it would just be very frustrating and pointless and stupid and angering for me.

yeah i guess i wouldnt mind talking to varg vikernes. maybe weev. hahahahaha. maybe george foreveralone feels. me and him a really alike, we could have a good talk, we would understand each other. i would tell him the secret to losing weight is simply eating less. you eat 400 calories over the limit and you are still starving hahahaha. hungry all the time for a year. that’s how you lose 20% of your body weight hehehehe.

oooo i was happy about this hand:

2016-12-14-21_23_29-carom-0-01_0-02-no-limit-holdem-replay-13645490

ALWAYS happy to get NUT FLUSH and especially to DOUBLE UP on it. does not happen too often!

but yeah bernard got burned out because he was going on date after date after date with woman after woman after woman and was getting bored with their stories and it sounded like going on damn job interviews. thats no fun. he probably just needed to take a break from Dating, and then he could enjoy women more. but maybe im wrong. i mean he did date women after this!

maybe i just wish bernard would hang out with TRS, WN and alt right 1488 fascists, rather than hanging out with forney, clarey, and aurini. who are not BAD GUYS per se…….. no they are good guys, but i just gotta go with the STRONG HORSE.

not that those guys are “WEAK”….well TRS and the WN alt right are just about as strong as it gets IMHO. If they came over to this side, it would make them stronger too. doors open fellas. well they say clarey is a “technical j00” hahahaha.

AT THE DRIVE IN REUNION? i guess I shouldnt be so surprised. Jeez I should really think about going to this tho. maybe its a total sellout thing without orig members. like the black flag “reunion” hehehehe. jeez i bet it will sell out immediately. if i still knew that woman i would ask her to go and she would reject me and go to the same concert with another guy and then i might go by myself and see her there with him hahahahahaha.

no i dont think she knew of at the drive in. shit i barely know them. i just know they are hugely influential and ahead of their time and broke up too soon and led to the mars volta……but i guess mars volta isnt as huge as they were like 8 years ago eh? they used to be really big with the hip music kids.

heh. i guess this has been going on for a while and they already played in my city in summer 2016 hehehehehehe.

sheeeeit i always end up staying up too late!!!!!!

dec 15

sam hyde speaks frankly about his show being cancelled from adult swim. i have no idea what happened here. was it because sam is an alt right racist hehehehe. i mean i was surprised he even GOT a show on tv to begin with. and i would like sam to speak ideologically, i want to know what he REALLY believes. not that i suspect him, i think he probably is legit 1488 alt right.

hearing stories of successful, motivated, ambitious young students. reading press releases. an 18 year old “bad boy” goes to prison for 3 years for drug deal, gets a job afterwards, returns to skool, eager to complete a degree in engineering. maybe by age 25 he can get a 40k a year stem job and he’s spent 3 years in PRISON hahahaha.

people who switch their major 10 times by age 19 and finally settle on MATH, and are working with math faculty, plan on getting a phd in math. 20 year old girls who like the thrill of explaining advanced math to people and seeing the light bulb. a 20 year old undergrad can teach math better than many instructors with graduate degrees, even phd’s.

ironic that us smart kids used to make fun of the college as where the losers and fookups and lazy kids and trash goes, and i went to a Good University, and now I see that the 20 year old kids at the Fookup College are bigger winners than I am at age 30!

I don’t begrudge them, good for them i say, i am glad to change my Preconceived notions of the college and its students, and now I freely admit they are great people doing amazing things. I wish I had gone there when I was 20 hehehe instead of going to Good Univ.

So yeah, good for these kids. but i ENVY them, being so young and motivated and having their Shit Together. if they lose their way, they are back on their way by 25 at the absolute latest. not still fooking around at 35 hahahaha. so yeah i can only read so many Success Stories before I’m like damn. these young kids are huge winners and I’m an even bigger loser than I thought!

Having to explain to people why you didnt go to graduate skool. because you didnt like skool. because you didnt think it would be a good investment. because you werent willing to kick ass in your program. well then why should we HIRE you? why should I pick YOU as a husband and father of muh children when you arent MOTIVATED to work hard, be successful, and make even slightly above average money? very valid questions.

i mean these people aren’t really SMARTER than me, they just have a much better WORK ETHIC. working on long term goals, being persistent and resilient and never giving up. whereas i give up too easily hehehe.

yeah well but i dont really give up until I am about ready to K myself with panic hahahahaha. also, I ALWAYS try to do a good job and have GREAT attendance at jobs. when I was getting PAID, I ALWAYS tried to do my best.  also i got good grades in school, followed instructions, did the stuff on time, and high quality, did well on tests. just couldnt translate that into a career.

funny to be thinking all this when i am actually more successful than ive been in 17 months hahahahaha. but now I am seeing and hearing about all these successful young people and I am envious of them and disappointed in myself, wish i had the GUTS and the TOUGHNESS that they have.

yeah prob get really tired at the end of tonight like i did last thursday. sleep like the dead. drinking a lot of coffee today.

hmm tom petty summer tour. thats on bucket list way more than at the drive in. FIFTY DOLLARS for lawn tickets. i mean its 35 plus 15 damn dollars for all the goddam jooish fees. COME ON. i would pay 35 dollars. 50 is rougher. i mean maybe i will change my mind. not like lawn is gonna SELL OUT. i mean i should see TOM PETTY. would rather see tom petty than bob dylan. why cant petty play a medium sized theatre. more importantly, why are tickets to a goddam open air megatheatre so goddam expensive???? they should be less than 20 bucks. you can cram 100000 people in here.

varg v made an anti alt right video and i was like hmm i think me and him are thinking of different things hehehe. you need to come hang out with the TRS goys hahaha. then he started talking shit about andrew anglin and i was like ayo hol up. i like both varg and anglin of course. and i accept varg is just not gonna give an inch on his anti christian stuff. thats technically fine. then varg linked to this other guy who did this expose on anglin which is supposed the truth about why AA is an “anti white zionist shill” and sounds like some real sinead tier shit hahahaha. anyway i would like to listen to all of this and hear what he’s actually saying.

http://www.dailystormer.com/andrew-anglin-exposed/

heres anglins reponse i guess, which i already had bookmarked from months ago hehehehe

and now varg is dissing spencer because spencer associates with the joo “gottfried”? i have never heard of gottfried before today. heheheh movement drama.

official (((atlantic))) 11 minute documentary on RS came out today

posting here for posterity

suprsingly good, good stuff in there with millennial woes and william regnery, who i want to know how much money he has given to The Cause, i feel this guy is more important than he seems hahaha.

oh come on this just isnt fair hahahahaha. i am starting to really warm up to spencer finally. turns out they just did a podcast with spencer AND k1ke enoch AND andre anglin. NOICE. DOUBLE BONER hahahahaha.

maybe varg can talk shit about enoch too hahaha. i am disappoint hehehehe.

i mean really anglin should have gone to NPI. i think enoch went. or maybe sven hehehe. some trs higher ups. somebody saw the mysterious enoch in person hahaha. shit. he keeps hanging out with richard spencer and someones gonna get a damn photo of him hehehe.

heh. wonder if the trs convention in early 2017 will get press. probably will. theroretically i could try to beg trs for an invite. ideally i would like to go. that is going to be OFF THE CHAINS. i’m just wondering if media joos and antifa joos will notice and start reporting on it like they did with NPI. its possible TRS might EXPLODE in popularity at that time.

anyway now i feel impostor syndrome, and also lazy, like i’m not willing to do the outside work to learn the shit for my job. yet i read email and job related stuff all the time off the clock. but i’m not doing the MOST effective stuff, studying the HIGHEST PRIORITY stuff. and i am worried about that biting me in the ass.

not used to not being micromanaged. but i am used to receiving unclear directions and then trying to Act On them hahahahaha. not that im even GETTING that here. im still trying to figure out exactly what i’m getting….other than i can immediately tell that the people are very nice, and its going to be a lot different, in a good way, but there still are unknowns like…..i cant even say! theyre unknown unknowns! the sense of being in a new environment! it just takes time! you cant rush it! time to used muh radical acceptance hahaha.

dec 16

6 more inches of snow? will have gotten like 16 inches of snow by xmas. last year had no snow by xmas. none of these below 10 degree days for xmas. already a brutal winter and its not technical winter yet! bad news. dont know HOW i ever survived without winter boots for like 2 years (because there wasnt a lot of snow!) or especially warm winter socks (yeah this was a smart move. cant stop wearing these. try not to wear them in public or when trying to make a good impression, its just at home and errands and that type of stuff, not when i am WORKING or trying to Compete for a Wife.

had weird dream where i was visiting an old college-era friend of mine, one of those guys you will always remember fondly and be thankful for meeting. talked about him before. super cool good decent guy, super smart, great sense of humor, great personality, got phd in disgusting antiwhite cultural marxism unfort, haven’t talked to him in…..6 years. hmmm. but i will always remember him and wish him well! i hope he find a good wife and has some kids. it would be a CRIME AGAINST NATURE for him not to have at least 3 white kids. he would be a great father. Like me, he was a HIGHLY Moral, Principled man…..but he was a lot more cool about it. seemed to have it mastered a lot better, hehehe. didnt STRUGGLE so much. made it look easy. Maybe a part of this is that we both spent our youths in catholic schools, so we are Typical Catholic Assholes hahahaha. but yeah the catholics would be lucky to have this guy representing them, but I don’t think he has Gotten Back To The Church. Shit I haven’t really gotten back to the church. I just go every week and Mull Things Over and think how one can be a Catholic Alt Right White Nationalist hahahaha. Same way you can be a Degenerate Abortionist Catholic I guess hahahahaha.

mornings are for coffee and contemplation as the phaggot cop in the “Stranger things” commercial says. NO phaggot, mornings are for being SLAMMED with Urgent, Complex, Heroic, Exhausting WORK, just like afternoons and evenings hahahaha. Free at last, thank GOD ALMIGHTY hahahaha.

adorable, beautiful, and important pro-family 14 words vidya by varg. his heart is in the right place, we want the same things, he just misunderstands the alt right and anglin and spencer, but i’ll allow it because his heart is in the right place and we want the same things and he is clearly a Trve WN committed to the 14W and the things that MATTER.

to me, MY alt right is synonymous with Alt Right. For Varg it is not. he dislikes the term Alt Right; I have no problem with it. FINE. But I would be SHOCKED if he took issue wth the term WN. How could he have a problem with that term.

I should leave him a comment saying this. he would probably reply. bbbbbut I would really like to have a LIVE VOICE CHAT with him. but he’s never done one of those. no interviews, no conversations. he really SHOULD. even bernard started doing these. good for him. really TALK to people.

https://www.youtube.com/channel/UC79N-Hh5_Zhs_MPLP3QzAJA

go sub to alt right andy. i don’t THINK this is andrew anglin, maybe it is, but the POINT is, this guy uploads like a best of the alt right all day every day: trs podcasts, non trs podcasts, all solid stuff, recent and older, of huhwhyte-friendly stuff that’s not on youtube, he puts it on youtube. very convenient aggregator hahahaha.

http://www.radixjournal.com/tees/official-radix-t-shirt

heh i should probably give a few bucks to richard spencer. i thought YKW aka the JQ shut down his paypal, but apparently they did NOT. also NPI is a 5013c org, which i did not know. wouldnt be surprised to see that go away.

hehehehe i just pledged 1 fecking dolla a month to both matt foney and emily youcis. i felt bad about joining trs in making fun of tubby sad thirsty forney hahahaha. he’s a good writer and he is SO CLOSE. he goes to NPI and amren. i just want to push him further though. lose weight or especially become a damn WN 1377 man. he’s almost there, he just remains deluded in not wanting to seem like a racist. and is afraid to touch the JQ too much. i mean JQ is pretty much the final red pill. there’s the people who never talk about it, and then the people who talk about it a LOT, like me hahahaha. or varg. or TRS. pretty sure spencer does too.

or its a beautiful thing to WATCH a smart white man take the JQ Redpill. we got to watch this evolution every step of the way with millennial woes. as he says in the atlantic video, 3 years ago he didnt even think about it, or was just starting to think about it. and now he has followed it to its logical conclusion. which is why i give him 50% more than i am pledging forney hahahaha.

anyway the dream i had. i was visiting my old friend for the first time in years, and to my horror, THAT WOMAN was one of like 6 people who lived in his house. I never saw that woman, just her name on a mailbox or something. my friend couldn’t be blamed, he didn’t know of her history with me.

there was i think an implication that he might be dating that woman now! this was very unclear tho. but even if that were the case, i couldn’t be mad at him, because again, he had no idea that that woman ever knew me.

thankfully i never SAW that woman in the dream. just her Spectre, hehehehe.

yeah i would prob date emily youcis even if she had great potential to have a potato body and i really hate potato bodies, or women that have such YUGE Melon Heavy Breasts that they will certainly become horrendously saggy. despite these cons she has a very QT face. and her huge breasts would be neat for the next 5-10 years at least.

i like that she

a. faced consequences for her actions, which never happens to women, ie, she took a stand and lost her friends and lost her job.

b. she repented for her past degeneracy and is moving in the right direction even after being punished for it.

pretty principled and honorable and moral for a WOMAN!!!!!

i mean most women start out good and go bad pretty fast. she started out kinda degen and then GOT BETTER. i tip muh fedora to any mlady who can IMPROVE herself like that. to say no, fook this shit, this shit is WRONG, i want to be a BETTER PERSON. so thats why emily has earned my 1 feckin dolla a month. also pretty sure i would mostly enjoy making out, secs, and cuddling with her hahaha.

if her cartoon gets more degen instead of less then i can always stop my pledge hahahaha. cuz it is a very degen cartoon. but it’s better for a woman to do a solitary, creative pursuit, than to be out there sucking, fooking, cheating, and breaking real people’s hearts. a woman who can spend time alone by herself, rather than out in the world causing damage and Relational Violence and pain and suffering hahahaha.

im aware she probably sm0ked tons of MJ and odds are maybe even banged nonwhites. did that degen thing called “smut cave.” believe me i will stop giving her 12 dollars a year if she goes back to any of that shit! but i believe people can change! i want to change too! but its def not easy!

andy griffith show. this seems pretty wholesome, huhwhyte, and nonjooish. was don knotts a joo? LETS FIND OUT.

https://anon.to/?https://www.stormfront.org/forum/t273603-2/

i support stormfront in theory as large, old community of honest pro-whites, but i dont really trust don black to manage the money. i know i donated like 2 dollars to them at some point but no more hahaha.

also if i link directly to them, they will prob find me. happened with another blog. when i was just starting to get into pro white stuff in 2010-12. i was not as directly “I AM A FULL BLOWN WN” as i am now, more like i was open to the idea. then somebody posted a thread on stormfront pointing out muh blog, linking to it. did not generate any responses thank god.

anyway stormfront says don knotts was NOT jooish, but one guy had to have a post saying andy griffith is not as wholesome as it seems, and is in fact subversive, perverted jooish trash hahahaha.

they say don knotts’ comedy style was jooish, pure catskill borscht belt shit, and the AG show producer was aaron ruben, a yuge J.

i’ll allow these arguments hahahaha. not NOT an argument hehehehe.

born in west virginia to english stock. pretty sure west virginia is the huhwhytest state in the US. I should srsly move there. not even joking.

anyway point is, don knotts seems like a nice honest man to me. maybe he was self deprecating because he was short and petite, not because he was worshipping jooish comedians.

honestly once you take the Joo pill, theres no going back hahahaha. you see EVERYTHING through that lens. and i think thats a GOOD thing.

heh. went to catholic church for standard xmastime confession service. i never ever do the thing where you confess your sins in the confessional, havent done that since i was like 12 hahaha. usually do this thing where you write your sins on a small piece of paper, give it to the priest, they bless you right there without really reading the paper, put the paper in a metal garbage cans, then burn them at the end. symbolic. well that is a bit of a controversial procedure in that some higher ups dont agree that its a proper trve confession. might be heresy hahaha. so this year there was a more proper “group reconciliation” thing where they had 5 priests, and you lined up and actually TALKED TO THE PRIEST for 2 minutes confessing your sins in person. so i was nervous about that. did it anyway. no worse than the phone calls i had to take 20 times a day for muh job hahahaha. just ramble autistically about how i am selfish and judgemental and racist and sexist and lustful and lazy and hateful and a complainer and lukewarm and judge everybody etc etc etc.

http://archive.is/TX6mq

paul gottfried, richard spencers jooish “mentor.” article in the tablet, a ridiculously jooish journal, nov 2016, which charges 180 dollars a YEAR to be able to COMMENT on their WEBSITE. WOW. I CANT EVEN. I AM LITERALLY SHAKING RIGHT NOW.

http://www.frontpagemag.com/fpm/263988/some-observations-man-who-created-alt-right-paul-gottfried

gottfried himself writes an article, not gonna blame him for that stupid title tho. TLDR hahahaha. he admits to at one time being a friend of spencer. well does spencer admit to being a friend of him? i dont even care if he is hahahaha. i mean this gottfried is probably one of the good joos. hes still gotta go back tho. even the good joos must go back. the bad far outweighs the good. kinda like blacks and muslims and browns and mestizos hahahahahaha and nonwhites in general.

uh oh getting prejudiced and judgemental again, better watch out or i will have to go back to confession hahaha.

 

 

SHE COULD GET AWAY WITH NOT DEALING WITH IT

yep

sept 11

heh. not to insult the old friends of mine who are unfortuantely, sadly leftist, but……. i just remembered something that happened on our recent reunion that made me shake my head and told me that there was no hope in trying to Turn these people hehehehe.

basically it was simple, just talking about LB Johnson and how he was such a old school white racist who wanted segregation for blacks. it didnt matter that he was huge democrat and the great society and that he might have done more than any one president to turn our once great nation into a marxist progressive antiwhite disgrace. immigration, welfare, etc. they touched on this, but were like, YEAH BUT he was also a huge old school white racist from texas. he wasn’t a real modern democrat….even though he probably did more SJW shit than any modern democrat. all they saw was an evil white racist.

basically they should be worshipping this guy like he was the next MLK! but no, all they see is a white racist!

because he simply LOOKED LIKE a white normie from texas! just a masculine white man with a texas twang. never mind that his policies opened the door to giving BILLIONS to nonwhites!

really I should have said, YEAH BUT dont you think you’re underestimating the effect of the great society? i mean really, isnt LBJ the greatest person for Civil Rights since MLK? do you really think thats fair just to write him off as an evil white racist? he really wasnt old school at all!

i was just caught off guard by the ridiculousness of it, and also my communication skills were compromised by MJ!

and yet these are decent, moral white people parroting this nonsense!

they cant get past LBJ looking like a FOOKING WHITE MALE to realize the pretty obvious truth that he was a YUGE SJW and pretty much sentenced the white race to death hahahahaha. the fact that he has a twangy accent and wasnt a Marxist Community Organizer is enough for them!

and ultimately he went to do one of the single biggest Marxist Actions our country has ever seen!

doesnt matter, cuz he LOOKS like a traditional white family man. so somehow he was a “conservative democrat”. wtf???????

you could not have a more marxist prez if KARL MARX had been prez!!!!!!!!

why the hell would they signal against LBJ of all people?

because in their mind, he represents Traditional Old School White Racists.

EVEN THOUGH HE DIDNT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

in hindsight I should have probed on this absolutely ridiculous discussion, but again, MJ makes me unable to have even simple small talk.

oh and LBJ probably owned a GUN too. he was the type of guy to go HUNTING. and he probably didnt want his daughter to be a race mixing slut. what a racist sexist woman hating black hating bigot racist.

they cant look past these tiny details to see the YUGE OBVIOUS LASTING LEGACY of LBJ!!!!!!

Maybe i am OVERESTIMATING LBJ and the great society pogams in particular.

i mean im sure there were tons of marxist j’s advising him.

hmmmm i have found the new evalion hahahahahah

i bet this channel will be shut down by the time this post posts.

well after 1 minute of inspection she seems less slutty than evalion, but she does have crazy eyes!

not gonna get my hopes up too much here.

but I would wager that shes taken less cox than evalion and might be a better wife and mother.

gonna try to manage expectations tho.

i guess she already did an interview with sinead. i hope sinead does not latch onto her and turn her into even more of a psychopath.

i would feel a lot more comfortable if she (crusader gurl) were doing this with her father or something. what does her father think of all this?

it feeeeels really weird and wrong for very young gurls to get on the frontlines of a very real ideological war. just like with Combat, women SHOULDN’T be doing this. you can support your father or husband or brother who is doing it. make white babies with your white husband. maybe make videos about how awesome being a mother is. and cool it with the hitlers and the swastikas. they make you look like a shill hhahahahahaha.

men can do that, women cant. and even most men dont fathom what theyre getting into when they do that. i say, err on the side of caution and dont go full 1488 until you know exactly what youre getting into. like me hahahaha. and even i dont post hitlers and swastikas. it just looks fishy when a 17 year old gurl on the internet does.

girl on the internet syndrome. beware.

maybe do a show with your strong white boifran. or father.

i should really write to her and try to become her handler. i mean women can REACH alot more people than men. she can get 1000 subscribers in a day where it would take a guy a YEAR. people pay a lot more attention to young purty wimmin. so, tread carefully. she is gonna be under a TON of scrutiny, like evalion, and it didnt take long for evalion to be shut down and probably discredited.

and yes their secs lives ARE relevant, because you want a person with GOOD CHARACTER.

and really….yeah its nice to see women getting into this stuff, but I have NEVER heard something explained MORE profoundly or powerfully by a woman than by a man. NEVER. in other words, a man can ALWAYS say this stuff more persuasively. More Better, hahahahaha.

but the women get more initial views.

and im sure part of it is me being Lonely for a Woman that is Against Race Mixing.

here’s a fun game for you: test women you meet by getting them talking about idris elba or denzel washington. I reckon the MAJORITY of them will take the bait and say DAYUM WHAT A SEXY MAN. MMM HMMMM. I WOULD SUCK HIM OFF RIGHT NOW. I WOULD FOOK HIM ALL NIGHT AND LET HIM BEAT THE SHIT OUT OF ME.

this is a blatant signal that the woman is open to race mixing.

the ideal woman would get uncomfortable talking about secs, would not say anything publicly, then in private, would tell you shes just not into black guys.

just look for any remark where a white woman talks about a black guy being Handsome or Secsy.

if you’re against race-mixing, you JUST WOULDNT DO THAT.

I never talk about how nonwhite women are good looking! because I honestly dont care! I DONT WANT TO RACE MIX!!!!

well there are a couple jooish and maybe indian women i would bang. but they would probably stink like curry!

and also i have fully thought through the implications of having children with them, and that is something i would never want to do!

but yeah, its just not the DOMAIN of cute innocent doe eyed 16 year old gurls to be talking about this stuff!!!!!

KIND OF like how its not the domain of innocent little gurls to be huge cvm guzzling sluts!

well….i say kind of because those are two VERY different things.  i’m just trying to say that young gurls are JUST TOO INNOCENT for this kind of stuff. it’s TOO MUCH for them. it’s not RIGHT for them to be in it.

kind of like a woman forgoing being a wife and mother so she can be a damn CEO.

it’s just not her natural place. its weird and wrong.

so yeah i hope this gurl acts honorably because its SAD to see a qt innocent young white gurl be a DUMPSTER FIRE. just do what michelle k did and Resign. or do what the truth will live did and stop youtube but just do twitter only.

of course TTWL is 100% jooish. but uhhhh she was really qt and had great alt right ideas and was converting to Catholic. real interesting case.

but yeah its DISTRACTING unless you have your OWN alt right waifu. and probably most waifus could be MADE alt right with your firm, fair guidance.

this crusader gurl looks like a purer, more innocent, lower number gurl than evalion, and i dont want to see another young white girl turn into a dumpster fire for the whole internet to see.

dont look for a gurl with political opinions. find a gurl with basically no political opinions, but who has deep moral opinions about not being a slut, about not fooking blacks, about not murdering her babies. that’s all you need. and finding that will be difficult enough!

heh i am actually tempted to write this girl a message because she might actually read it now, rather than 2 weeks from now, when she has EXPLODED in popularity.

well, sinead has probably already told her how horrible TRS is.

basically TRS needs to take this girl under their wing and use her as a TRS propaganda person. TRS are good, strong, smart men. I trust them hehehe.

hehehe

https://www.reddit.com/r/talesfromtechsupport/

https://voat.co/v/talesfromtechsupport

also i saw some bitch saying that its normal for a 30 year old man to take only 6 months to get over a 2 year relship. yeah maybe if you are some sociopath who just views people as bags of meat, BITCH!

http://www.loveshack.org/forums/

loveshack has like 1700 people on it right now, relship forums has like 400 tops. go with loveshack. i am looking for something with a LOT of people.

http://www.loveshack.org/forums/transitioning/friends-lovers/

plus they have a great subforum that is all about That Gray Area where you might be becoming more than friends, or wanting to.

yep the big 400th job app.  next it will be the big 500th hahahaha.

http://archive.is/fdCUL

How to Choose a Wife in a Feminist Society by PA

good blogger, i should directly link to him, got a good alt right racist white mind. i just dont want anyone to know i link to them. go look at his blog and give him a dollar hahahaha.

twitter can be fun sometimes

oh yeah this one was florian geyer. well he doesnt really use it. and his NRx blog only has 2 posts. i was looking to try to find the origin story on this guy cuz i like him. he is great. he is very smart and very funny and will be a great priest but he should have some keeids tho.

here is a guy that is on the fatherland sometimes, seems like a real good guy, and he does a pro family podcast with his WIFE. should prob check that out at some point.

sept 12

welp, was very decisive about getting a haircut today, even though probably didnt really NEED it…..but previous i usually waited TOO long, and today i just wanted to be decisive and get a haircut fairly earlier than last time, PLUS whenever i get a haircut, it boosts confidence, so, really no risk, high reward. waited 66 days this time, 9 weeks or so. this isnt TOO early, I dont think.

had ridiculously disturbing dream with HER in it and it just gets worse. i was bitching at her like  a little bitch, please stop avoiding and ignoring me, just hang out with me already, don’t dump me LIKE THIS, and getting really bitchy and passive aggressive about it, then she was like FINE. FINE. what do you want from me. and then she got up on this ladder or lege or something about 14 feet off the ground and dove headfirst into the ground, grotesquely breaking her own head and neck. absolutely horrifying. that’s not what i was asking for!!!!!! i just wanted to sit down and have an hourlong private talk!!!!

there was an implication that some other guy was also heartbroken and HE had K’d himself the same way, diving headfirst into the ground.

also in another part of the dream, I was grotesquely deformed, like missing half my face, and also that side of my body was all grotestquely deformed. naturally people reacted to the sight of me with horror.  I couldn’t really see myself though, and I didn’t really FEEL horrific.

then I met a qt young woman who was nice to me, did not react with horror, and I wondered, wow, did I miraculously get better somehow? do I really look normal now? or is she just super nice?

so yeah, lot of symbolism there hahahahahahahaha.

and then it went into that super disturbing part with HER and the neck breaking etc. good god how does my brain come up with this horror.

so yeah i am surprised i was not MORE affected by the dream (nightmare!!!!!) but I guess forcing myself to get out and get haircut helped with that.

also in the dream she seemed like a different person. it sorta looked like her, but a more crazy, unstable, bitchy, evil version of her.

basically she did what she did because:

  1. she didnt have Special Feelings for me
  2. She could Get Away with Not Dealing with it.

PERIOD.

some things you are FORCED to deal with. you cant escape from them. this was not one of those things.

i bet she DID feel bad about hurting me. but she did not HAVE to deal with it….so she didn’t. The End. Period. Thats All Folks. That’s ALL it boils down to. I bet she DID feel bad. (Im sure she’s gotten over that LONG ago, though)

2pm sept 2

sheeeeeeeit. sitting at car dealership, they have free wifi thank god. look like a real phaggot wiht muh laptop but this is gonna take at LEAST 90 minutes.

hope nobody steals mh password who is out there packet sniffing hahahahahah.

321 pm

wow that was quick. they said 90 minutes, i expected 2 hours, and i was out of there within 1 hour.

there was a young arab girl reading a Yuge Law Skool Torts Textbook. Good for her going to Law Skool. She looked very bitchy and high maintenance but young and bangable and in Healthy BMI range. not that I advocate Race Mixing but I would bang her if i had to. would not make babies with, OBVIOUSLY!!!!!!

why am i saying this? i guess to get a pity party for my desperation, to describe my desparation, that i would rather bang a healthy young nonwhite than a fat ugly unhealthy white hahahahaha. but i would never BRAG about it or RECOMMEND it hahahahaha.

 

 

BEING A GOOD PERSON DOESNT MEAN SH1T IN THE MATING MARKET

but it really SHOUDL hahahaha. also also in the job market for that matter. I mean it DOES really matter to me, and for the state of your soul. and it matters with your friends and family.  it just doesnt matter with women or jobs. and those are two VERY important markets in life.

aug 11

hisssss leave me alone lads hahahaha

heres the question, when going to a DOCTOR, should I trust a White WOMAN over a nonwhite MAN?

because i am now seeing this White Woman DO, GP, Fam Practice Doc for citalopram refills every 6 months. she is not bad, she is def white, but also def a WOMAN.

weird dreams last night, unfort heavy involvement of the woman. in it she was shrinking into a defenseless baby, but also refused to communicate.

but she also refused to run away. so she stayed around for whatever reason, maybe she was scared to leave, but she was staying, but she also wasnt saying ANYTHING and was being very moody and difficult and bitchy.

but she was STAYING and that was the important thing. I was being a bet niceguy tyring to comfort her saying its ok sweetie, i’ll be here fore you when you want to talk.

then there was this alpha male playing rock guitar and she looked at him and then I feared that that would be enough to make her leave me.

he was a white guy who i went to college with 10+ years ago and was never superfriends with, but he was a good guy and I got along with him. he was a rare Country Hick who went to the univ. He was very very smart, and into writing fiction (I think) and gambling. i feel he wasnt some kind of mindless marxist. i hear he went back to the middle of nowhere and did nothing with his life, much like me hahahaha. except i am not in the middle of nowhere hahahaha.

so she didnt leave me for him but i didnt like the interested way she looked at him!

it was kinda like when the loving person is trying to help some traumatized child who cant or wont talk. the child is staying with you, so that’s good……..but they aren’t being cooperative beyond that. and what if they did leave? youd feel shitty for investing so much of yourself in trying to help them, when obviously they resented it and you.

then the dream got really weird with lots of weird creature horror cronenberg type stuff, where she was shrinking into like a cat rat baby hiding in small dark spaces.

and then there was even weirder shit. this grotesque skeleton nun appeared displaying these poor animals she was torturing/K’ing by essentially skinning them down to the bone, while leaving as much skin on some parts of the body so as to keep them alive as long as possible. however the nun herself was a kind of animated, partially skinned human corpse, who was supposedly the father of another man in the dream, who was either supposed to be my Professional Partner in helping/treating That Woman (who by this time was a scrawny cat rat child)…..or something.

so anyway the mans father was partially skinned into a barely living human skeleton dressed up as a mockery of a catholic nun, who themself was doing a similar skinjob on these animals. cats and dogs. but the idea was, it wasnt of their free will, they were being controlled / possessed by some demon or devil like in the exorcist.

these are the types of dreams I have when I am at my average!!!!!! hahahahaha.

i think woman 2012 also made a cameo appearance, hahahahha.

ok got 60 minutes of power hour peak UVB vitamin D sun, 2:15 to 3:15.  1 to 2 would have been better but i was at the dr. i am hoping sunshine activated vitamin d is the magic bullet that cures everything wrong with me hehehe.

this was a great vidya from this poor lost soul.

now he does watch sarcuck of cuckad, and quotes a socialist at the end of this vidya, but uhhhh the points he makes in this vidya are unimpeachable. i just hope he isnt really a socialist. for the sake of his own soul!

anyway the interesting thing about that dream is, somebody can be unwilling to communicate with you, but theyre still willing to STAY WITH you. that is a nice bona fide. of course, maybe they’re just too scared to leave you, and as soon as they build the strength, they will leave you.

she was absolutely not willing to stay with me, in the sense that she was “with me” as a friend, somebody in my life that I talked to, texted, hopefully hung out with, but not any more.

but yeah i guess time really does heal all wounds, i can tell i WILL get over this SOMEDAY………..

…….it just takes a RIDICULOUSLY long time, like TWO YEARS of ABSOLUTELY NO CONTACT. and by then, someone who was very important to you, who you wanted to be the mother of your children, will have faded away into a faded memory like all the other women. and then you will be a 35 year old loser who never had a proper GF and doesnt have a proper job and you know you will never find a nice 7/10 white 25 year old n<4 woman ever again.

oh yeah. got called for interview today. 12k a year job hahahaha. 12k. 11 dollars an hour, 20 hours a week. unbelieveable. but the job seems like it would be easy and stress free. back at the old employer i had from 2008-13. ideally would get the job and then be able to find Secret Internal Jobs, then get a FT one of those for 30k a year. The End. Life Goal Achieved.

the woman who called me sounded really confused and disoriented. she was clearly having a bad day. she sent me an email as discussed and it had some errors in it. i hope she was just having a bad day and this is not her average hahahaha becuase my average is WAY better than that hahahahaha. and she is making 30k a year. like some damn fatcat plutocrat factory owning capitalist hahahaha. how much does her HUSBANDO make.

the st andrean guy brings up an interesting point: back in the DAY, low level retail and cust serv people didnt have to THINK. “we dont pay you to THINK!” but now you have to demonstrate how you are a FAST and CREATIVE and GREAT THINKER UNDER PRESSURE for a damn 12 dah part time job. now you need to THINK FAST all day so you can solve customers problems and keep them from bitching at the manager.

then how do dumb negers get fast food and walmart jobs then?

affirmative action hahahahahahahaha.

and then i just remembered its HER birthday this month. but the good news is i didnt realize that until 10 days into the month hahahaha. now SHE is getting old. i wonder if she will have any mud baby Sprogs by the time she is 30. or if she will Abort the Sprogs and focus on her career.  yeah but a woman like her really NEEDS a MAN.  i wonder how many cox shes fooked in the past year. she used to be a beautiful person. “inside and out.” way to become a slut after age 25. so sad. hey u could married ME!!!!

and

basically i worry that SHE WAS THE BEST. I’LL NEVER FIND A BETTER WOMAN THAN HER. Young, Pure, Innocent, Nice, AND good looking. she was the FULL package. she just didnt luv me.

every woman I meet I will just end up comparing to HER, and SHE will beat them.

that’s my fear now. because as an old loser man, i don’t have any value in the mating market.

being a good person IS an important thing in life, with friends and family, in society……

but it doesnt mean SHIT in the mating market!

it doesnt mean SHIT in the market where New Human Life is created!

isn’t that weird?

Also what I’m assmad about at women is not just that they are going against their natural role……

but that they are so ENTHUSIASTICALLY, WILLINGLY rebelling against their natural role!

yes lets enjoy lots of casual sex! yes lets become powerful leaders in companies! yes lets have strong powerful careers and make big decisions! they LOVE it!

Whereas I am deviating from MY natural role as a MAN….but it wasn’t my CHOICE, and I SURE as hell dont LIKE it!!!!!

took some nyquil. then will go for walk num 2. was kinda useless today. zero job apps. not sure how that happened. i blame the dr appt, and also much hourlong walk in the afternoon. but really i think THAT is more important than doing an hour of jobsearching at that time.

also I get a lot of emails every day and it takes tiem just to scan them. i get SOME (not a lot) APPLY jobs out of these emails. it essentially takes the place of looking at the main indeed list.

also yesterday i learned that “stupid ghetto people” all use indeed. i chuckled and said really. just curious, what do nonghetto, smart people use? apperantly they use monster. this is coming from a Manager who hires and fires Ghetto people hehehehe.  i am more racist than him but he sees the reality more than I do! I guess he is just that concerned about not being thought of as a racist. i dont have that anxiety hahahaha.  i just have plenty of other anxieties. about my competence to do basic jobs and to mate with wimmin hahaha.

shit i wish i never met her. when will i ever get along that well with another woman again? of that high quality?

i mean yeah i can live without women, i can live without being close to a woman………but i got a TASTE of it……and i really liked it, and now i want MOAR. very much like when i pseudodated those gurls 10 years ago. different because this was more important, it wasnt psuedo anything, it was real, it was long term, there was an actual rel between people, and it hurt moar. but similar in that it gave me a tiny taste of something real good that  i knew I wanted MORE of. i didn’t want to go my whole life without experiencing that.

well maybe it will take ANOTHER 10 years.

i guess when i am 45, the 30 year old wimmin will look pretty damn hot hahahahahahahahaha.

now by that time, the women will have CERTAINLY taken a ot of dix and be crazier and be more duplicitous hehehehe.

who cares. i took some nyquil as usual every 2 or 3 days. took the full dose this time. around 6 pm. nice and early. hahahaha. recreational use of nyquil to feel numb and sleepy hours before going to bed. but yeah it really does impact your thinking. cannot think clearly at all. very sluggish.

so yeah writing becomes evn more shitty. but i guess its easier to not think negative thoughts. unless you get there automatically, then you dont have the mental energy to fight them off hahahaha.

george feels says he did his college at a crappy diploma mill and got a degree in “computer science.” he makes it sound like it was just as boring and easy and useless as high school. just coast thru, never really learn anything useful. and right now he is struggling to teach himself the C language. WTF DID HE DO DURING THIS COLLEGE? why wouldnt he learn C or C++ in a “computer science” program? maybe they did java or python hehehehe.

but it sounded like the shittiest college, he would have been better off going to damn community college.  i mean shit i learned enough about C++ and “computer science” at community college, learned enough to know i could never do this for a career, cuz the amount of stuff you had to know and master is STAGGERING. just to get a part time job hahaha.

i prefer what st andrean had to say. just dont go to college unless you are a GOD DAMN GENIUS, AND you have very good social skills, AND you are getting internships and networking with people working in the field, AND you go to a GREAT uni. so only go to college if ALL those are true. THought that was a great point.

tons of autist nerds are good at math, science, computers, but terrible socially. you need to be GOOD socially to turn your college degree into a career. the better socially, the better for your career.

so you really need to be great at everything. be the computer nerd with the charismatic social skills of don trump. i would think this is the very rare computer nerd hahaha.

or a guy like bill clinton is a disgusting degen sleazebag, but hes got GREAT social skills.

also we virgins never get to see what trump is like when he is seducing women. but shit an alpha male, at that point they are seducing HIM!

oh for gods sakes, that st andrean in exile guy shut his channel down TODAY. he had some honestly good stuff. i think he shut his own self down, because he did nto have any racist stuff. the powers that be still allow sexist stuff but not racist stuff. and sexist stuff is getting pretty big. i guess  shillary could try to shut it down but i just dont see it. but the race nut is a MUCH harder nut to crack than the secs nut. all these woman hating mgtows who are too scared to become racists hahaha.

aug 12

ok. 10.13 am and i have cleared out my 13 or 14 new emails from overnight. all job related stuff. i gotta get rid of some of these alerts hahaha. right now i have such a “backlog” of APPLY jobs, I can really only afford to add jobs if I classify them as “APPLYYYYYY”, ie, they are obvious standouts.

WE DONT PAY YOU TO THINK!

well in 2016 you must think of bullshit to keep your angry customers pacified, because your company is so LEAN that they cut corners everywhere and give shitty product, shitty service, creating tons of unhappy customers. and you have to THINK FAST and BULLSHIT in order to RETAIN those unhappy customers.

make promises and excuses when you dont even know what youre talking about. well have it for you as soon as possible. the price PROBABLY wont go up. oh it did? oops you got unlucky. it is what it is, you dont have to be happy about it, better luck next time!

i dunno. i just think the best “company culture” is when they are SERIOUS about giving good service to their CUSTOMERS, AND they are SERIOUS about treating their lowest employees well. namely giving them good training and helping them serve the customers well. not just bullshitting, and excuses, and runarounds, and avoiding, and passing the buck, and kciking the can, and saying we dont do that, or we have no record of that, or no, call them back, they are wrong, we really DONT do this, or we dont do that, talk to your manager, i did, he said call you, then call your managers manager.

where managers are there ONLY to make things “LEANER” and they dont know SHIT about how to actually do the work of the department. and they have been brought in from outside. ALWAYS PROMOTE FROM WITHIN. how hard is this to understand.

these anti-management attitudes of mine make me a borderline socialist, that and i am generally against Wanton Greed, and I am also against Wanton GROWTH where the growth is unsustainable. but you have to keep up with inflation goy.

1% growth isnt good enough when inflation is 3%! is that the idea??!?!?!?!

drinking weak coffee and my stomach is churning and gurgling extremely loudly and frequently.

went to store and picked up new refill of citalopram and some groceries.

i honestly dont know how ALL people are not RED PILL. just going to the superstore is BLACK PILLING. maybe its just too much. i mean you dont want to BLACK pill people. then they dont even care about red pill blue pill anymore, and become one of those fat mouth breathing zombies you see at the supermarket.

did see some qt 16 year old girls there with their Moms tho hahahahahaha.

shit i am probably old enough to be their FATHER hahahaha.

all these fookin jobs are for Seniors and Leads and Managers……………….

WHY ARENT YOU HIRING FROM WITHIN?

well PROBABLY they WILL end up hiring from within, which is good, they just HAVE to post the job externally.

ok fine…….BUT WHERE ARE THE POSTINGS FOR LEVEL 1 PEOPLE????!?!?!?!?!?

the postings for level 2 and above seem to outnumber the postings for level 1 by like 2 or 3 to 1…….AT LEAST.

too many chiefs, not enough indians!

now level2 and level3 aren’t “managers” per se. they are more subject matter experts, ie, people who ACTUALLY know what they’re doing. the people you really wish you could talk to , but you cant, because they only work on escalated cases, and advising stupid level 1s.

MOST level 2’s i worked with were good as hell, they deserved their status. about 30% didn’t.

but even the good ones weren’t necessarily Good to the level 1s who wanted their help.

thankful to be able to go out at 1pm for powerwalk in peak of days sun hahaha.

partly cloudy unfort but should still get some sun.  i guess it can break through the clouds somewhere. wheres a level 2. an SME hahaha.

i cant believe MORE average people dont go MAD from the ridiculous demands of Work. i mean these deamnds do not seem fulfillable by the average person! these unreasonable demands! so I guess i am a bit jelly of all these normies who go to work and don’t go crazy. they just turn into fat stupid assholes. black pill hahahaha.

heh. these employers HIDE BEHIND their PORTALS. I am trying to apply to hospital job and it errors out when i try to upload res. over and over. so now I just have to WAIT until they fix it. theyre probably not even AWARE of it. and theres no way to report it.  but it was just working an hour ago, because i applied to a job at that time.

its a god damn ridiculous oracle people soft type system that is stupid as fook. always signing out, buttons and links dont work, its fooked. i really dont want to clear cookies and all that. i guess its not a big deal because i just have it reopen all tabs automiatically.

so yeah i am pretty much planning to go to this labor day thing with old college friends. should be pretty fun. i mean most of them are all successful and shit but who cares, they are nice people and thats all that matters.

also one of the guys is not a super duper YUGE winner like the others hahaha. and he is still a super duper great guy.

is it considered a good bullshit detector if you think everything is bullshit? you are so sensitive to bullshit you think EVERYTHING is bullshit? even stuff that isnt bullshit?

yeah well most stuff IS bullshit, so can you blame me for thinking EVERYTHINGS bullshit?

so i got impatient, clicked on use previous resume, then accidentally forgot to click on i am over 18, and then it Disqualified me, now I cant apply for the job AT ALL. I try to do it again and says sorry you cant. FOOOOOCCKKKK. it gives you a phone number to call. i am not gonna call it unless i am blocked from applying to OTHER jobs.  SOOOOO stupid.

OHHH rejected for MAIL CLERK job at other hspital ive sent 40 applications to. wouldnt be the first time ive been rejected for mail clerk hahahaha. sorry, FILE clerk. hmm only took 2 days for them to reject me. 2 days since i applied.

NO i dont spell shit wrong in my Packet!!!! like i do here. there, everything is perfect.

all these companies send rejection letters on friday from 430 to 5 pm hahahaha. i wonder why this is hahahahaha.

also, just because HR for the big company sends you a rej letter for one job, doesnt mean they’ll send you one for all jobs at that company.

i obviously need to take my Main Standards of:

25 years old

n<4

7/10

and Walk Them Back a bit. but how much? I would say just a tiny bit at a time, until someone reaches the New, Lower Standard hahahaha. so lets make the new standard n<5. that will make the pool a little larger hahaha.

its not like i have 100 applications to pick from hahahaha. i have 0 applications to pick from.

oh noes, katie ledecky is at least 25% JOOISH. so if i had children with her, they would be 12.5% jooish. is that too much? kind of. I would prefer my children be less than 6.25% nonwhite.

i looked her up because i kind of liked her weird horseface and maybe she even sort of reminded me of That Woman in having a weird face that doesnt seem like it should be qt. WELL, wait until she is 30 or 40! wont be so qt any more!

fathers side is from czech. mother is half j00ish. yikes. and she herself is a “roman catholic”. YIKES.

does michael phelps wife let him fook rando gurls when hes at the olympics?

is he even married? i thought he was and he def has a keed. i hope they dont have an open marriage.

like he didnt get enough action BEFORE he was married!

customer service. jeez. i just cant do it ALL DAY LONG. maybe put me on phones for 1 hour….but then have me switch on and off, on and off. customers 1 hour, no customers next hour, then back on, then back off etc. but all customers for 8 hours is just holy shit. its like private pyle trying to survive the military. the military would be EASIER. how do people do this and not K themselves moar?

i MIGHT be able to WITHSTAND if i had a good waifu to build me up at the end of the long day…..but good waifus dont like guys who cant handle tuff situations all day. they dont like such WEAK men.

well remember, george feels worked at best buy geek squad for like 2 months MAX because he was too anxious about the customers and not feeling like he was trained to handle it. cuz the training was minimal, classic swim or sink thrown to the wolves shit. george freaked out and quit, and then got his awesome job at the liberry where he continues to work today.

he says that now he might try to tough it out at best buy a little longer to force himself to get better with people.

its all in this one, good summary of george telling his life story.

i think its something we shuld all do, to try to get perspective. you can see the link on the right side where i started doing Muh Life Story and then put it on this blog. cant remember the lessons i learned. oh yeah. much like george, i reaped what i sowed, and i failed to nip shit in the bud when i was young. i just ignored them and did stupid shit and assumed that everything would turn out all right as long as i got a college degree. NOPE.

yeah realy i wish there were like 2 classes in high school preparing you how to deal with customers ALL DAY. how to deal with their stupid bullshit. them bitching about CONFUSING stuff and how you could work under pressure and answer to the most ridiculous bullshit. certainly high school COULD prepare you for that….but it didnt. like put you in simulations where you could have a Safe Word to get out if you got too flustered. and just practice practice practice. like practicing a SPORT. you PRACTICE 10 times more than you actually have official matches. you practice so you’ll be ready for the match/game/competition/tournament. i wish i had done that in order to prepare for customers on the job.

heh. i would prob quit geek squad too georgie boy! i cant blame you! anyway he eventually got some more customer service experience when he switched jobs at the liberry.

WAS IT REALLY WORTH IT?

I had some SOLID, BIGBOY, REAL WORLD, REAL MAN Customer Service Experience, a full YEARS worth, in a CALL CENTER, taking CALLS all day on the WEIRDEST shit that I had NO IDEA how to do.

was it WORTH IT?

maybe…..but at this point it doesnt really feel like it. and i feel like I could never do it again. just the thought strikes fear deep into my heart so I am AVOIDING all jobs that seem like they would have TOO MUCH (>50%) cust serv.

WOMEN YOUNGER than me have opened up their own Clinical/Counseling practices. like this 25 year old broad i see making a duckface on linkedin. LCSW, LLC, LLP. but who i really want to help are single white men with despair and anxiety, and white neets and such. thing is, these people are not likely to seek help.  alot of people only go to counseling because they are FORCED by court or probation. i guarantee some of those men are white!

but yeah honestly i did some GREAT, STRONG work, and TOUGHED IT OUT in some real TOUGH MAN shit, when i thought I would BREAK under the pressure. but NO, I STAYED THE COURSE. Weathered the storm.

So i have PROVED I can handle tough situations and tough customers. however, add a shitty situation with a woman and THAT is my breaking point.

i mean it WAS a realy unique situation i dont EVER see happening again. both the fact that she did not respond AT ALL, PLUS the fact that we worked in the same office.

it wasnt the CUSTOMERS that pushed me over the edge, it was HER, or really, my inability to DEAL with her.

i guess THEORETICALLY i could get another job and fall in luv with another coworker. i just hope i deal with it better! and i think i really cant not deal with it better! i would just send an email or text saying WE NEED TO TALK NAO. I HAVE FEELINGS FOR U.

then she will freak out, say were done, and i will put in a 2 weeks notice hahahahaha.

no i will try to move my shift, or move to where i cannot see her.

if i am running out of Meds, I will go to an Urgent Care to see if they can write me an emergency refill.

again i really dont think the running out of meds was what caused me to go over the edge. it was i just couldnt handle that ridiculous situation.

 

MIDDLE CLASS MARXIST OPINION ON K’ING YOURSELF

april 7 2014

thank god for all the good things he has given me. dear god give me strength and courage and calm. and ENERGY. good lord I have no energy. how about you?

well it was fun watching the game of thrones premiere. i watch it on a streaming site where people from reddit and 4chan battle each other in the chatbox. obviously reddit sucks and 4chan rules. the redditors are girls who whine about spoilers and racism and Dornish people being “so whitewashed”; and the 4channers are glorious, hilarious trolls. I stand with 4chan. I even contributed something of my own: “hodor likes to take jamie’s stump up his big g4y 4ss” hehehehe.

have a bag of peanuts in your room that you can snack on when you get hungry and do not want to make a meal.

unless you are morbidly obese, then you don’t need to be eating as much at all.

over the weekend I got together with a friend and we played “call of duty ghosts” trying to improve the kill death ratios, it was very fun, even more fun than drugs and alcohol. not as fun as banging 18 yo qtz though, haha. But it will get old less quickly than the girl! in 10 years the vidya gaymz with your frandsz will still be just as fun.

move to a college town with a really HUGE university, like florida state or a famous, HUGE, Party School, get a sweet unionized job at the university, and then bang 18 year old college gurls for the rest of your life. there will always be a fresh crop every year. if you get tired of that, you can start a more serious relationship with one of the girls if she has not taken too manny cox by the time you get to her.

if she b1tches at you for not being ambitious enough by just having a lowly univ staffer job, instead of being a lawyer or docker or masterz degree executive, then you can laff all the way to the bank, know that she is Not The Right One, and wait for the new crop of 18 year olds to come in. plenty of people would kill to have a job as sweet as yours.

so how do you get that job? uh be persistent and network with people in the department, and buy them organic pizzas, and do a good series of interviews. it will not be easy, i can assure you. bribe some managers. then hook me up with a job in your dept. i will buy you lunch every day for a year.

april 8

thinking me sleeping 10 hours a night is just my price of admission. yesterday i had nothing going on and decided to go to sleep early. drank some nyquil while watching jeopardy at 730pm. closed eyes at 8pm, was honestly real tired at that time. dozed, woke up around 9, fell back asleep, till about 10 am. lesson learned: maybe I need 14 hours of sleep a day, hahahaha. ok, between 10 and 14. how about 12.

might start playing the Top Forty Starting Hands. these are all the hands with a Positive Expected Value, ie, above zero. see how this strategy works.

also, if you plan on playing max buyin 10 chip game, my poker dummies book recommends you start with a bankroll of 100 chips. minimum ten times the max buyin. to get you through the Tuff Times. so when are you supposed to replenish your bankroll? I think when it runs out. but you don’t want it to ever run out if you are a good player. you just need to be prepared for Big Swings, it’s just a part of the game.

april 9

had a very weird dream. was having a big Coed Adolescent Slumber party, and I was very excited about maybe Making Out with some Young QTz.

then the police were called and one or two of the boys were arrested in handcuffs because they were smoking a little bit of Weed. The family whose house we were at were total Middle Class Progressive Professional Leftists who would certainly be soft on Weed and probably partook in it themselves on occasion, and I thought this was a bit hypocritical.

then we started watching a movie of my recommendation, a personal favorite. but i hadn’t seen it in a while, and it turned out being much more violent than I remembered. like horrible, insane, ungodly, depraved violence, and it also seemed like it was jumping out of the screen and our very slumber party was being terrorized. horrible stuff like toddlers getting their faces chopped in half by a meat cleaver or thrown into a wood chipper, young girls getting facef00ked by a guy with a huge knife strapped to his crotch, getting their eyeballs and faces impaled, little children getting thrown alive into deli meat slicers and cut into slices.  we could not tell what was the movie and what was real life anymore. I apologized for picking the movie, i didn’t realize it was THIS bad, I wasn’t THAT crazy!

Then I found a spot on the couch next to a really cute young glasses hipster middle class pseudointellectual gurl. i discovered she did not have a Smart Phone and was impressed by that. she was not always playing with a phone.

then suddenly there was a shark swimming around on the floor trying to bite off everyones feet. eventually this girl got her feet bit off. then she got into a weird Suicide Submarine because she decided life was not worth living without her feet. I was starting to fall in luv with her and was upset, both for her and for me.

I asked a friend Why Did She Do This? Wasn’t that a bad idea? Why??? Then the friend said, well she felt she couldn’t live her life to the fullest without feet, couldn’t contribute to society, so why suffer, and why be dead weight, so yeah, it’s tough for us, but her decision makes sense and we are not allowed to be upset by it.

then i said something like I am useless and dead weight, maybe I should K myself too, and then friend said, but you still have your feet, you weren’t the tragic victim of circumstance, so you have no right to K yourself, you’re just a lazy loser.

I thought this all was BS, NO, the girl didn’t have a RIGHT to K herself, and I DID have a right to be upset. and College Brainwashes Intelligent Children into Worshipping a Career Cult and Destroying their Morality and Utterly Devaluing Human Life by saying when it’s OK to end yours or another person’s life.

And I probably cared a little bit more, because I was starting to fall in Luv with her! Special Feelings!

Real weird. Especially since my moral view here is so ambivalent. I generally am against abortion; but I am slightly in Favour of End of Life Euthanasia; and I am generally against Middle Of Life “Depression-Based” Suicide;

Middle Class Marxists are Pro Abortion, and Pro End of Life Euth, and more than likely Anti Mid Life Depression Suicide, yet I like to characterize them as Pro Mid Life Depr Suicide?????!!!

So now I am confused and disturbed, hehehe. not a pleasant dream.

NOT A POLITICAL BLOG

jan 26, sunday, 3:48 pm

wowee. slept literally all day. had a fun night yesterday, dinner with frand, trip to mall to ogle high school gurls, playing vidya games and having good times and laughing and joking and clowning, petting a soft kitty heh. good times. went to christian church on saturday for once so I ‘was able to’ sleep in on sunday till like 11 am. Now I drank the TEENSIEST bti of nyquil sat night, not terribly proud of, but it happened, oh well. like less than half a proper dose. slept till 11 am, go tup, then went BACK To bed for a Sunday Nap, and NAPPED until about  3:40 pm, and here we are now. not bad uh. in midst of an Arctic Blast. might go for powerwalk, might not. who knows.

naturally a bit worried about the new job, if they’re gonna lay me off, just DO it already, i don’t want to wait 1 more day. yes at this point I officially WANT to get laid off so I can move on w my life, by trying to go back to muh old job, hehehehe. don’t even care about the HUUUGGEEE drop in pay. f00k it. don’t even care about the Loser Feels. Loser Feels are BETTER than being Worried and Stressed and Anxious all the time. Also I am trying my BEST, I have not GIVEN UP yet, which is good.

went to mall on a Sat night and saw so many qt high school gurls. at my advanced age it is hilariously clear that women are Obviously their most attractive at age 18, and that this is the IDEAL time for them to Get Married and Have Children. 18. No Later. Certainly not 30. Don’t go to college and focus on career when you’re young; when you’re young, focus on getting married and having children; and THEN you can do career when you’re OLDER.

So I am very confident in my LIfe PLan to marry an 18 year old when I am 45 or 50, and start having babies with her then, when I am financially stable and able to support a fam. and if that never happens, then I just have babies at age 50 anyway and just try my best. smart people are able to raise babies even when they are poor. and i mean good babies, that are able to fend for themselves, not live off the Fedgov, and able to have 3 children of their own some day, able to find a wife.

heh it sucks being a WEAKLING who can’t handle life,  who gives up and quits too easily, who can’t do the bare minimum of life, whose only resorts are to be taken care of by someone else, whether it is family, or gummint, or jail. and there are millions of weak losers in one of these situations. well, if you have a choice of who’s gonna take care of you, then thank GOD if it’s your FAMILY. that is the most winning of those 3 loser situations, BY FAR.

a beautiful thing I learned, was that they now sell Mt Dew Code Red in Big Cans of 24 oz. now. I was at a speedway gas station on my social saturday and felt like partying with some code red, as is my right. was planning to buy 2 20 oz bottles. that was for 3.50. then I looked up and saw 2 24 ox Big Cans for 3.00. WHOA. WHAT A DEAL. so I bought those instead. Drank one, and brought one home to save for Next Weekend. Everybody’s Working For The Weekend, hehehehe.

Gainesville Coins has a good price on silver rounds but it has a darn flat rate shipping of like 11$. Lesson: Amagi Metals is still best price for buying small amounts.

obviously if you have $1000 to spend on silver, where you can prob get the best deals, i am nto talking to you, hehehe.

6.10 pm cleared a little snow and then went for a powerwalk as the sun was going down. as of jan 26th you can still eat dinner at 5 pm and then take a powerwalk after dinner before it gets completely dark.

heh. all the people i know who get married are NOT doing what I would do re marriage, Ie wait till you the man are older, like at LEAST 40, and then marry an 18 year old (“MUCH younger”) gurl . no, they usually will be Dating a Woman around their same age, at about their same station/career level, for a few years solid, then engagement and mawwiage. very often the woman will be annoyingly career-focused and demand that her man be annoyingly career-focused as well.

imho i’d almost rather marry dumb white trash, hahaha. as long as they didn’t have kids, tattoos, or a high number, hehehe. although those are usu the defining characteristics of dumb white trash.

would LOVE to find myself a nice Country Girl or Farm Girl who is into Traditional Values, Marrying Young, and does not mind GOD and GUNS.

It is amazing how much Professional Leftists are SCARED of Guns and Gun Owners. And they seriously think Responsible Gun Owning White Proles are responsible for All Gun Violence, from Black On Black Illegally-Carried Gun Crime, to All Skool Shootings and Mall Shootings etc.  Because Normal People in Kansas Legally own a few guns and have never committed a felony with them.

heh. ok not a political blog. I just saw a post on facebook by a PhD at an Elite Institution and Shook Muh Head. And also thought of the Poor PhDs forced into Part Time Jobs at Insanely Unelite Institutions, ie, forced to teach English 101 to Gun-Owning Prole Students who have no interest, and rightfully so, in fancy pants marxist activist poets. good riddance.

 

Gucci Marxists who drive Daddy’s BMW and prattle on about Social Justice and Race and Class and Sex and Oppression and Intersectionality and Postmodernism, hehehe. to steal the term “Gucci Marxist” from a fav polit commentator of mine.

NOT A POLITICAL BLOG hehehe.