IT IS LIKE LOSING A CHILD

make sure the apr 15 post is done

sept 9

sheeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeit.

ok took some nyquil, full 30 mL, at 6.15pm.

i just wanted to know what she wanted me to take away from this. in other words, did she WANT to hurt me? yes or no? And that I can’t tell. well at least i can say i didn’t deserve fookin painful revenge like that. but i want to know if she wanted to hurt me or not. normal people dont want to hurt anyone.

once again, the simplest explanation is the best: she didnt REALLY WANT to hurt me, but she just took the path of least resistance. least resistance. we already knew she didnt like trying or putting in effort.

heh. did you WANT to HURT me? the only time i ever wanted to hurt anyone was when some gurl totally broke my heart and then went on to enjoy her life of being a carefree fun luving slut, and i still sorta saw them sometimes. i wanted them to feel a little bit of the pain i was feeling, to be more remorseful for breaking muh heart. i wanted whatever chad THEY luved, to break THEIR heart.

yeah i guess i felt that for her too. but it was never really strong hate or anything. just sadness and disappointment and oh god my life is over. i didnt want to K myself but I did feel there was nothing to live for hahahahaha. one of the most important people in muh life was gone forever.

the other day i was watching die hard 1 on tv and i was like sheeeeeeeeeeeit its SHAMEFUL that I never really sat down and watched this all the way thru, because this is a CLASSIC that I can TOTALLY understand how people have watched it HUNDREDS of times and is their favorite Action Thriller of All Time. People have seen it 100s of times, can recite every line, every movement, and I totally see why. yet i had never even seen it ONCE.  i mean i had seen bits and pieces of course. but the whole movie beginning to end? nope. and that is a SHAME. that is SAD.

of course it is totally the type of movie i would luv to watch while cuddling with a waifu. like that woman. do i want to cuddle and watch die hard with this woman? or am i indifferent? i better not be!

sept 10

hmm i am wondering if i should officially lower my price to 12 dollars an hour hahahaha. probably yes.

heh. i think nyquil on friday is much better than nyquil on saturday. because now i will be ready to Job Search like a maniac on monday hahahaha.

hmmm i didnt realize nick caves 15 year old son had died and that is basically the reason for his harrowing new album “skeleton tree”. i was fortunate enough to see cave live in 2014 and that was just wonderful, awesome, unforgettable, very special, type of thing you ideally want to share with someone special although i was more than happy to go alone hahahaha. i was pretty indisposed during 2015 and didnt even know his son had died. basically tripping on ACID and he fell off a CLIFF. jeez.

of course he is very private and was not giving interviews, just had this album and an accompanying movie, and i guess both are really intense, as you might imagine. yeah that is really tragic. yeah that will take a few years to get over yikes. supposedly caves father dying when he (nick) was 19 had a YUGE impact on his life, and i have no doubt this will also have a huge impact on him. lot of pain and grief and loss to deal with. but at least he has an attractive faithful wife for the past 17 years hahahahahahahahaha.

i dunno. nick cave is just a great one of a kind guy, and he doesnt need any more grief. but i wish he gave like regular sermons on morality so i could ascertain exactly how degenerate he is hahahahaha. because i suspect he is quite nondegenerate. although he prob was back in his youth. drugs and sluts and shit. but now he is deep and good and possibly religious!

and yeah the concert was fantastic, him as a 57 year old man, didnt matter, whole band (seeds) was electrifying. totally awesome. glad to have been privileged to see that show. definite bucket list shit there. for sure. probably wont ever see them again. but really should if i get the chance.

heh. it is kind of like me losing HER. that is how pure and giving muh love was. totally unconditional. like the love you have for your child. and then they are just ripped out of your life one day. like cave says, you are changed whether you like it or not. you are instantly a different person. you dont even know how to relate to yourself any more. we dont like change, which is fine, but what do you do when life changes you instantly and permanently? you are in a state of confusion, and I guess this new album captures this confusion and uncertainty very well. he is just LOST.

and you just cant replace your son the way you replace lovers. oh youll find someone better. oh i guess it wasnt meant to be. nope. never gonna happen here. you just have to live with that Huge Hole In Your Heart and Life.

so maybe I should listen to this album, maybe it could help me hahahaha.

album

and its less than 40 minutes, not some 80 minute bloated monstrosity, even better.

movie trailer. i guess a lot of it was filming shortly after his son died. YIKES. INTENSE GRIEF AND PAIN.

but yeah that is totally how i would describe my loss hahahahahah. when you get dumped people tell you to get over it and she wasnt the one and oh well guess it wasnt meant to be. well instead, show them this film and when they are Numb and Crying at the end, see if they would say that shit to you hahahahaha.

so yeah thank u nick cave for explaining to the world that MY grief and loss is like Losing A Child, hehehehehehe.

so you say thats inappropriate, you can never luv your waifu like you luv your child.

well i say who are you to say that. i say ok fine its not exactly, but it is much more similar than you think! unconditional, abiding, long lasting, it never truly dies, its there thru thick and thin, good times and bad. its not some passing phase, cant be replaced.

you have this numb and confused look on your face like nick cave hehehehe. but you are not numb all the time. sometimes youre numb, many times you are confused and sad and devastated and dont know how youre going to adapt to this Big Life Change. when someone is such a big part of your life, than when they leave, YOU CHANGE.  IT CHANGES YOU and you didnt WANT to be changed like this.

now, all the people that have lost children are gonna be offended. ok fine. i guess losing your waifu is not AS bad. but it’s CLOSER to losing a child, than it is to losing some meaningless, forgettable, disposable, replaceable piece of meat on the carousel of meat. its not some passing phase.

dont tell me she was just a disposable replaceable piece of meat to me by saying i should get over her quickly!

of course i would like her to feel that i was important to her too.

i think i was for a while…..but then that ended. it was just a phase hahahaha. she didnt luv me like she would luv her child. of course, many women can make excuses to K their own children! i cant even fathom!

https://bu.reddit.com/r/relationships/comments/5213un/my26f_ex28m_ghosted_and_now_is_happy_with_someone/

https://bu.reddit.com/r/ExNoContact

heh i wish she DID give me “BREADCRUMBS!” because that would mean she still cared, and maybe there was a CHANCE, and would let me bang her HARD, and that would prob be enough to make her fall in luv with me! breadcrumbs means shes giving you a CHANCE, WILLING to talk or hang out or do SOMETHING!

MANY normies just dont understand No Contact. when we autists try no contact, THEY contact US and be like oh i havent talked to you in a while.

i guess i was just kinda shocked to see that she was so willing to do no contact as well.

lots of guys threaten to K themselves too. dont leave me or ill K muh self! this is about the worst thing you could do, it makes you the bad guy, an abuser, a manipulator, a sneaky pathetic little J. I am SO glad I never did that. It’s about on par with stalking in the Creeper Checklist.

I mean I don’t think these things are so creepy, i mean you are just expressing the intense pain you are feeling!

i mean when you are being dumped you cant think straight! you can’t really intentionally manipulate someone!!!! you just act reflexively! you make nothing but impaired decisions on anything! your mind is completely fooked up! sheeeit you might just K yourself! right in front of her hahahaha. but you probably wouldnt hurt her hehehehe.

anyway i am SO GLAD that the creepiest thing I did was just write an email. Begging for communication. really that wasnt creepy AT ALL. so I am grateful for that. I could have been a LOT creepier. but instead I was well behaved and wasnt creepy at ALL.

i was pathetic sure. beeta. omeega. please respond. please dont throw me away like a piece of garbage. please try to be a little nicer to me, please dignify our friendship and tell me i meant anything to you and that you dont WANT to hurt me. acknowledge muh pain please. please end this better.

but no stalking, no threats hahahaha. i mean i had some “dark thoughts” sure. thank GOD I dont get those any more!

was in church and there was like an 18 year old gurl at the oldest a few rows ahead of me. she was kinda chubby and potatoey but she had a very cute nice face and hair and this honestly nullified all the potatoeyness. she was there with her father who himself was pretty soft and potatoey but seemed like a nice guy. i hope she doesnt become a slut. i thought about Asking Her Out in the middle of church, or maybe asking her father. for permission to date his 17 year old daughter hahahahaha. GREAT.

but yeah theres the Protector and Provider sense.  in a way you are like their new father, and they are like your child that you protect and provide for. so thats partially why its like losing a child. a child that you fook hard like some kind of porno slut hahahahaha.

no contact. WOMEN, never fook or suck a man unless it would take you two full years of No Contact to Get Over Him. thats how serious you must be about the man.

went for 2.8 mile powerwalk, listened to that new nick cave album, not really a fun listen, there are no real song type songs on it, really just kinda like poems with atmospheric ambient background music, like his previous album pushed towards that extreme. no catchy hit songs.

 

hehehehehehe

lot of good stuff here, i know his feels all too well, except he is younger and has more experience and is gonna have a sweet engin degree soon hhahahaah.

 

LOVE SEEMS LIKE NEEDY TO EMOTIONAL INFANTS

1119

dear god please help me. hehehehe.

it has been 90 days approx since i last contacted her. it has been approx 124 days since everything ended. and i feel i dunno. not ok. not at the top of my game hahahah. still a fookin rollercoaster.  shit is stupid. that shit pretty much ruined my whole YEAR. no joke. turned 2015 from an ok year, getting better, to the WORST YEAR EVER. foook.

every day you relive bits and pieces and feel the pain. FEEL YOUR FEELINGS hahaha. i think you have to! that would be my advice, feel your feelings, dive right into the pain and suffer ridiculous prolonged pain and never contact them until one day about a YEAR later you feel more normal. the end.

bits and pieces. yesterday i was thinking of short talks we had when things were still good, ie she was distancing herself so it wasnt really good, but we were talking. she talked about things she wanted to do and i said heck yeah i’ll take you to bla bla bla whenever you want, i agree that would be fun. lets do it hahahaha. and she just gave some noncommittal answer like yeah that would be fun lol only never to speak of it again, and in fact she simply refused to hang out with me AT. ALL. how do you think that made me feel hahahahaha.

so she wants to do those things, just not with ME. some other guy is gonna do those fun things with her and then fook her and she is gonna be LOYAL and LOVING to HIM. great.

i am A Naturaly Empath, meaning i can read other peoples feelings right away. its a SKILL i have hahahaha. i can tell RIGHT AWAY when somebody is having a bad day. i can read people like a book just by lookng at them. so i knew right away when SHE was becoming distant, but i was misattributing it, and deluding myself. oh she’s just stressed about her life, but she still wants to work things out with me.

the reality was, she WAS stressed out about her life, AND she did NOT want to work things out with me.

and i was observing a male acquaintance of mine the other day who was clearly in a bad mood and PROBABLY about his ladyfriend, and i dont trust her, it looks like an imbalance where he luvs her more, meaning one day she will dump him and he will be heartbroken, and that day might be upon us!

its insanely insulting and offensive and disoreineting and sickening and DEVASTATING when YOU want to work to make something work. you say baby lets talk about this, WE CAN GET THROUGH THIS; and their response is NO, i dont WANT to get through this, i just want to be DONE. im DONE with you. NOTHING you can do can fix this. nothing WE can do together can fix this. Even though things were good, i dont even want to work to get back to THAT. i just dont want you.

they would rather give up on you and dump you and not be with you, than work on shit.  i hate this bullshit.

basically you think: did she ever care about me AT ALL, EVER? when things seemed good? you obviously dont even want to go back to the good times. you would rather have me out of your life than go back to the good times. so those good times werent so good then? you were with me out of pity or weakness? wtf? why were you ever with me in the first place? oh yeah thats right, sex is just recreational.

now this guy knew this gurl for shorter than i knew That Person….but it was still about a year maybe. almost a year.  ANNNNDDDD he hung out with her a lot more, cuz they were actually “dating” and fooking. but the main point is, he spent a lot more time with her in 1 year, than i probably spent with That PErson in 2.5 years. in terms of Raw Hours Hanging Out one on one.

it shakes you to your very core when someone would rather Be Done with you, than try to Work Things Out with you.  you beg them, please we can work this out, lets talk about it, i’ll change, i’ll do anything, but they dont want to talk. they just dont want to be with you AT. ALL. under any circumstance. when you had been deluding yourself that things were ok. even if you are an empath hahahahaha. or you had been banging and cuddling just a few days ago. that was her just going thru the motions. its over. shes done with you.

this happens all the time, to every man.

it IS a big deal to get dumped by someone you luv. the heartbreak is DEVASTATING. not just for me, but every man whos been dumped. it is DEVASTATING. i dont know why i need to keep explaining this. becuase women just dont understand. because they do 90% of the dumping, that they dont remember or know what its like to GET dumped.

well i GUARANTEE that when they did get dumped…….they were devastated too. they stalked the guy, they went out and fooked 1000000 guys and became a slut. they handled it a lot worse than you did! and then immediately start dating and fooking guys but always being one foot out the door, being with a guy but halfheartedly, not really loyal or committed, cuz really they havent gotten over some guy from the past, but were so scared of not having a dick in them, they never went without having a dick in them. disgraceful.

its childish! its like women complaining about manchildren living at home and playing vidya and deadend jobs at age 35……..well WOMEN ARE EVEN MORE CHILDISH. they might be making 30DAH at their human resources / recruiting / pr / manager careers, but they are MORAL INFANTS compared to these Brave, Courageous, Morally Upright Manchildren!

a story as old as time. one person likes the other person more. invested more, committed more, more loyal, wants it more, loves them more. one sided. an obvious imbalance. tipping the scales. this is not complicated or unique. of course the best thing to do is to end it. but it is incredibly painful, and the person ending it Is Morally Obligated not to bring them any more pain, by like dumping them in the worst way possible.

you have abandonment issues because youve BEEN ABANDONED! i dont see how this is an ISSUE. people you trust just up and leave you.

also what many women call NEEDY or CLINGY is just the fact that the guy likes them MORE. when you LOVE someone, you want to spend time with them. plain and simply. in this sense, love is inherently NEEDY. because you really want to spend time with them. like hang out once a week or something.  this isnt NEEDY, its NORMAL when a person has FEELINGS. havent you even had FEELINGS for a man? remember when?

i thought women were supposed to be Natural Empaths. NOPE. men are WAYYYYYYY more empathetic than women. women cant understand needy guys or dumped guys, even though women have at times been needy or dumped.

but i was NEEDY because i wanted to talk to a Friend at Work regularly, when we used to talk regularly? you cant tell someone to f00k off out of your life without hurting them! you cant tell them i dont want to be friends anymore but you obviously do, now leave me alone cuz thats what i want, without hurting them!

so i have to accept you dont like me any more and dont want to talk to me? how do you THINK that makes me feel? that i should just say oh ok guess ill go EAT WORMS?????? and kind of i did say that but also in a beta passive aggressive way. so its all my fault of course.

well it was because she knew something was up becuase i was ACTING WEIRD and making her uncomfortable. i wonder if she was Empathic or Emotionally Mature enough to realize i was acting weird BECAUSE i had feelings for her.

the emotionally mature person says, uh oh, my friend is getting feelings for me and i dont. awwwwwwkwarrrrrrd. well theyre not a bad person so i better try to let them down as gently as possibly cuz they are gonna be disappointed.

ive never had to do this, yet i know the right way to do this. im not a fookin genius. i just TREAT PEOPLE THE WAY YOU WANT TO BE TREATED. its like women dont even understand or know the golden rule. you learn that when you are 4 years old. come on.

well its got to be bad for this guy i know, he’s been like fooking her for a year and spending TONS of time with her, and then she suddenly decides she’s not into it any more? that she doesnt want him as much as he wants her? shit i would be devastated too. because you think……all those good times we had…..didnt they mean anything to you??? well yeah they did, just not nearly as much. the good times werent special enough that I want to continue being with you. DAMN.

yeah this really is irreconcilable differences. cuz the woman doesnt WANT to TRY To reconcile. why? because she just doesnt luv you. she just doesnt want to be with you even if you reconcile. she would rather be alone or be with other guys than YOU. of COURSE that hurts. why do i have to keep explaining that it hurts? i do it for the women, and the beta cucks who are being shamed by women, and turned into emotional moral infant women, who no longer understand basic truths about life, such as, being dumped is devastating and lemme write you a 9000000 page book exactly WHY.

i know shes capable of luv because i have seen her luv other men more than she luvs me!!!!!!!!

why do women always want to dump you rather than Work It Out? because they dont want to work it out, bceause they dont want to be with you period.

then why did they spend all that time with you and have secs with you and things went well for a while?

because they went well for a while but then they stopped because all rels have an expiration date and many women rarely date guys for longer than a year….????

well the guy i know is very confident and charismatic and has a great job and is very ambitious in his career, real vice president type material here, if not C Suite hahahahaha. makes good money, is very charismatic and intelligent. not sure the girl is a great match for him because she is moody and walled off and i am not sure she would be a good match for ANYBODY! probably getting over some baggage hahahaha. ex bf she cant get over, or she was raept and seeks the attention of men, but cant really connect with men emotionally. who knows. i never trusted her hahahaha but she was young and cute so thats good enough to get decent provider men to fall in luv with you.

do these men not consider the personality?

well, its easy to fool a person into thinking youre a good person: you just be nice to them and show interest in them, and turn on that sweet gentle feminine warmth for a while. that is the female equivalent of being charming. you can just turn it on and off apparently. this shit that really makes you connect with a woman, they can turn off and on so easily.

i mean its not HARD to be NICE. it really isnt. the biggest bitch in the world can be super nice to you for a few months. a year.

but are they showing you real loyalty?

do they really want to spend time with you?

http://softwareexplained.info/2010/10/23/why-do-programs-crash/

why do programs crash hahahaha when you are struggling to explain the Root Cause of Welp the program or service crashed. why????

uhhhh there was a runtime error that will need to be address by the software development and or engineering team. but i havent gotten permission to send the case to them, so just call us back if it happens again, and be sure to mention this ticket number, because i will leave notes in the case saying, if they call back with this issue, pleaseeeeeeeee beg to escalate to the software or engineering or development or bla bla backend team because its a persistent issue. i dont even know what teams we have or who does what. i just know someone higher up, probably in those departments, needs to dig into the code because they are getting a runtime error. look in the logs. shit i dont know where the logs are thats above my paygrade. the god damn software engineers SHOULD KNOW. but shit we say that every day, so and so SHOULD know, but they dont. so where should they go? to their manager hahahaha.

manager doesnt know but they should know, so where do they go? to THEIR manager. hahahaha

it is devastating to get dumped. you love the person more than they love you. you want to stay, they want to go. this hurts you to your soul, baby please dont go hahahaha.

early termination fee baby. if they have it on phones, they should have it on rels. definitely. she is gonna be hurting you by dumping you anyway, so give some kind of offering. a god damn BUYOUT. heres a thousand bucks to sweeten the deal.

well i have lost way more than a thousand dollars by quitting muh job hahahaha.

how about: some Buyout Bangs, at least 30; long conversations, and a long letter from her explaining that she isnt throwing you away like garbage, and maybe characterizing herself as the bad guy for wanting to quit you. write me a fifty page letter. seriously. appreciate the god damn pain you will cause me and apologize profusely for it.

how did they do this in the 1700s. in the good old traditional days. well they didnt because men oppressed and owned women like slaves hahahaha.

ok i said before the pill was like opening pandoras box and showing womens true nature.

well actually i dont think being disgusting promiscuous is womens true nature at all. their true nature is tied to their uterus and therefore they need to respect the uterus and realize that women werent made to have recreational sex. so when they do, they become crazy and immoral and bad. no bueno.

so the pill has unleashed them FROM their natural responsibility and natural role as The Child Bearing Sex (gender hahaha). and that unleashing is bad. the pill is bad. dont get into a long term rel with a woman who uses the pill.

but what if she luvs you, and is loyal to you, and wont lose interest in you, and will be faihtful and loving and loyal to you long term.

well then convince her to stop taking the pill. train her and school her on real red pill troof bruv. nothing wrong with doing that!

THE pill is BLUE pill, take the RED pill hahahaha.

and that person didnt take the pill i dont think, which i liked, becuase i dont lke the pill, and i thought most women took the pill. turns their brains into animal slut brains.

its ok for RATS to breed like r-selected rats…..because theyre RATS!!!!!

what im saying is, humans are INHERENTLY K-selected because of the INTENSE pregnancy and child rearing process! its a HUGE investment for women to have even ONE child!!!!!

it would be different if women had Literally Litters of children, and put no effort into raising them. but even the worst, laziest human mother has to put in more time and effort than a Rat Mother!

im saying that a rat will have a litter of literally 20 babies, some will die, oh no big deal, and then in a few weeks or months, the babies become adults and are thrown to the wolves. and of course many of them die before reproducing but prob half of em live, and those that do live have 20, 40, 60, 100 babies.

that is r selection at its finest: quantity not quality.

anyway i dont like seeing human women moving in that direction. i mean they physically CANNOT. pregnancy will always last 9 months and be resource intensive; raising children will ALWAYS take YEARS and be very resource intensive.  so it NEVER makes sense to have sex quickly with a man you just met for recreation.

and i think that person understood a lot of this stuff…..they just didnt understand how i was feeling and how to treat me.

http://campoalegresex.com/start.php

you can go to a legal brothel in curacao hahahahah which is a dutch territory like aruba. dutch eh i thought. i wonder if they have legal mj too. i dont think so.

why would they rather dump me rather than work on the rel.

because they dont WANT to work on the rel, they dont want to be with you, period.

OUCH. THAT HURTS!

its actually not so bad because we never dated, never fooked, i never REALLY thought she had special feelings for me. this guy i know, he was fooking the girl for 11 or 12 months, spending a lot of time with her, it would therefore SEEM that she had SOME KIND of feelings for him. and then to get THAT rug pulled out from under you. damn.

google dump them or work on the relationship

http://www.baggagereclaim.co.uk/how-do-men-cope-with-being-dumped/

it takes men who were dumped about as long as the rel LASTED to fully get over it!

http://www.telegraph.co.uk/women/sex/9959655/How-to-break-up-with-someone.html

” here are definite things to avoid when ending a relationship. These include:
cutting person out of your life with no explanation
– getting someone else to end it on your behalf
– using the threat of a break up to control your partner
giving mixed messages (so saying the relationship is over while acting as though you have a future together)

Some people find deleting their ex’s contact details prevent the urge from getting back in touch. Unfriending an ex on Facebook can help and avoid post-break up drama. Although if you are trying for an amicable break up tell them you’re cutting contact on social media so it doesn’t seem like a hostile gesture.”

hehehe

http://www.buzzfeed.com/annaborges/dump-them#.xiYWlNAmA

basically it seems people know. if they want to work on it, theyll work on it. and both of them have to want to work on it.: i wanted to work on it, she didnt. therefore we didnt work on. it is a total weakest link sort of situation. a rel is only as strong as its weakest link. FACT.

http://www.7cups.com/qa-breakups-21/my-boyfriend-or-girlfriend-wants-to-break-up-with-me-how-can-i-change-their-mind-316/

http://www.7cups.com/qa-breakups-21/why-do-i-always-blame-myself-for-the-breakup-3311/

http://www.7cups.com/qa-breakups-21/my-boyfriend-or-girlfriend-wants-to-break-up-with-me-how-can-i-change-their-mind-316/

http://www.thefrisky.com/2012-01-20/how-to-dump-someone-without-being-an-ass/

WHEN A WOMAN SEZ, “IM INTO CHILL HANGOUTS” it means she is a SLUT who LIKES casual recreational cock carousel revolving door slutsex. avoid if you are looking for a wife.

https://www.etsu.edu/students/counseling/help/surviving_relationship_breakup.pdf

this one is bretty good, officially sanctioned by the counseling services of a univ where lots of virgin niceboys are being dumped by harridan whores hahahahaha

is tinder strictly for “CHILL HANGOUTS” and hookups, or is it for Actual Dating?

of course, when 99% of  Actual Dating involves sex within the first 3 dates, WHATS THE DIFFERENCE?????

MAKE HIM WAIT 6 MONTHS AT LEAST. 1 YEAR WOULD BE A LOT BETTER. unless you’re not long term material, ya easy short term slut!

welp its almost better we didnt actually date because then this would be worse, like with that guy i know. she was giving HIM real strong signals: fooking, dating, spending lots of time – and when she cuts ALL THAT off, he will be devastated, rightfully. when that person cut me off, there wasnt much to cut off. she was being a distant b and we were dating, or foking, or hanging out. yet i was still devastated, cuz i knew she once had some sort of positive “feelings” for me, and it was hard to lose that. well with this guy, shit he was getting solid signals of actual like liking feelings.

well he is more resilient than me so he will handle it. plus he is very social, much more social than me. and has a great job. and deserves a better woman as opposed to a damn flaky slut who doesnt know what she wants or what she feels. they dont know what they feel, just that they have no feelings for you. GREAT. hahahaha.

they dump you for being NEEDY because they cant see youre not beeing NEEDY, you just have different feelings for them. you have feelings for them, they dont have feelings to you. of course that might SEEM needy, but if she had the feelings too, she would be just as “NEEDY.”

emotionally intelligent people like myself, and NOT her, recognize and sympathize and empathize with this. we dont accuse someone of being needy. we recognize its just the special feelings they have. Crazy Little Special Feelings Thing Called Luv. god damn. this is not rocket science.

sometimes i want to contact her and say YOU JUST CANT DO THAT TO PEOPLE. THATS WRONG. you cant get away with doing that, and not even KNOWING that you did something wrong!

and she things i ABUSED her simply because i was ANNOYING!

BEING ANNOYING ISNT ABUSE!!!!!!!!!!

well, i dont know that she thinks i ABUSED her. i certainly suspected and blamed myself of doing so.

NOPE i was just annoying to her. because she could not understand that my feelings for her were not inherently annoying. she chose to be annoyed by them.

but yeah its worse if you are dating and banging the gurl for a year and then she says nope no more. i dont even want to work on this. im done. this cant be fixed. im done. the end.  then you think, well what about that time i was so happy with you? you mean that was FAKE?????? thats devastating. and i had that to SOME extent. see this is why i dont like secs. it just makes things more complicated and worse and more devastating in the end. it makes you think you KNOW somebody, when YOU DONT KNOW THEM AT ALL.

dont have secs with somebody UNTIL you know them.

and even when you think you know them after 2 years just getting to know them…………you migth not know them.

ok time to go to the fatness.