apri 25

took a rare nap because i am doing a rare weeknight social game which will result in me getting not much sleep in prep of the Big Day of Job tomorrow. If I had a Normie job, i wouldnt even think of doing this, because being GRUMPY is the LEAST of your concerns when you dont sleep enough. its being ANXIOUS and PANICKING and feeling like you wont be able to stand the constant firing squad of people constantly watching you and measuring you and asking you questions and interrogating and interviewing you. grilling you.

like i dont know how any health care workers, esp nurses, do their jobs. i have great respect for nurses when they arent pill popping whores.

uhhh so being grumpy and tired is not my worry. my worry is being WEAK and running out of the room crying because I cant handle the pressure. its like taking a Big Final Exam without good sleep, because


Nobody told me! I just thought it was Boring Drudgery! Shit, I’d pay for boring drudgery, when its actually nerve-wracking tension!

but my current job is much different, very low stress, borderline boring even! and i say this isn’t a REAL job, because clearly real jobs JUST ARENT LIKE THIS. PLUS Im only making 11k a year and no benefits. its not a real job. it was never MEANT to be a real job. its MEANT for students who are working on their degree so in a few years they can get an entry level torture job for 28k a year and some health care.

you are constantly SELLING something to angry customers. even if what you’re “Selling” is the runaround and the bullshit jooish lies as to why your company thinks its too expensive to fix what the customer wants fixed. here’s why its not really broken goy.

as someone who genuinely wants to do a good job and actually help people, that kind of shit is VERY hard for me. especially when the shit is so confusing that i just dont KNOW. its very possible the shit is SO confusing that its NOT worth it for our company to fix their shit. soooo……can we escalate this to someone who knows how to handle it? do we have a Business Partner we can connect them with? What do I say to leave this person out in the cold? sorry, cant help you, it is what it is, next. no explanation because even i dont understand it, and you cant talk to my higher up who said shut it down, because he’s too busy saying shut it down to people like ME.  see, you get shut down, I’m actually getting shut down too, by him, now I’m shutting YOU down. thats all we do, we dont actually FIX things, hahahahaa.

i just hate it when every day has MORE pressure than a big exam, because you DONT understand the stuff, AND you have to explain it to angry people. why why why. i dont know why, i just know my higher ups said we cant. no you cant talk to him. because theyre too busy, and they will just tell you the same thing. you think youre gonna LIKE the explanation?

was this why our department was failing?

well, it was a symptom of a failing department, that was mismanaged, that was not given the time, money, training, and people it needed to BE successful. and hence we were shut down altogether, permanently. i’m curious what happened to the department afterwards. if anything they needed MORE people, not less!

well…..they needed MORE people during peak business times. just as importantly, they needed BETTER TRAINED people during these times.

its basically fight or flight all day long, every day. how the hell do people do this?

because they have kids to take care of and they dont have any real skills like being a nurse or a electrician and they have to make at least 30k a year to support their kids and they dont want to be a huge deadbeat and not support their kids. lots of single mothers there. sad!

and if i had just gotten a 2 year nursing degree at age 20, i could have been making good money at age 20 hahahaha. well hypotehtically. i never wanted to be a nurse because its stressful and thankless. i dont know how anyone wants to be a nurse except for the Money and the Job Security. but its not great money, theres not great job security, i guess its just kinda easy to get the shittiest of nursing jobs.

yet there are tons of gurls who really want to become nurses.

WHY DONT THEY JUST BECOME WIVES AND MOTHERS INSTEAD? you can  become a nurse when you are 45. literally. so many women are channeling this natural urge to be Nurturing, so they can help angry strangers for 60 hours a week to the benefit of jooish hospitals and health care companies and doctors and then become pill popping sluts, and shitty wives and mothers like nurse jackie hahaha.

so what then, have the wives stay home? you cant afford to do that goy? without a dual income you cant survive goy!

well you live in a shitty neighborhood with violent blacks and browns, that would save money and be a great place for your wife to stay at home with the kids hahaha.

no i say you go to the hwyte rural area like fatherland jim and the hwyte pride singlewide. go and do likewise, gents. his wife stays at home and i dont think he makes a TON of money.

so the trick is, you gotta commute 50 miles one way so you can live far away enough from your job in the city so you can have a nice safe hwyte home in the country. so be prepared to spend extra money on car, insurance. because you werent spending enough money on that stuff as it is, hhahahahaa.

so this was my FATE, my DOOM, my DESTINY, my MISSION from GOD, is that i live a completely un-normal life. that life itself is such a difficult struggle that i cannot even do the bare minimum of being an adult.

i mean its one thing to Not Be Normal. Who’s Normal, you say.

People who rise to the challenge of making 28k a year and living independently, even if in poverty. Being Working Poor and still paying your beels. THAT is normal.

so there was a “PROFESSIONAL CUDDLER” mentioned in parade magazine or AP Reuters news or something. it is definitely a thing now.

i started suggesting this about 2 years ago but as the far more unattractive name of “cuddle hookers” which I dont think would sell nearly as well. i dont know why I just didnt keep it simple and suggest str8 up professional cuddlers.

i mean i just didnt know what WORD to CALL it till recently. “PROFESSIONAL CUDDLER” seems to be the term people in the media are settling on.

wow that bitch is cray cray. she is NOT a touchy feely person, left her husband because she wanted to become a poly slut, then went to a cuddle party and discovered at age 37 she wants to become a professional cuddler and for 80 dollars an hour, but shes not really a cuddly person. wtf.

platonic companionship service that offers professional snuggling

therapeutic, non-sexual, cuddle session with a certified professional cuddler.

alternative touch therapy

shit yeah i think its sad, because it means there is enough lonely ass fooking men that are so pathetic they cant convince a normal degen woman to cuddle them, so they have to pay for basic human contact. also that a man could get THAT autistic. its totally the atomizing effect of da jooz hahahaha.

i imagine if you are CUTE and YOUNG you will be in more demand than if you are a FAT SLOB of a woman.

just like with secs, its more fun to cuddle with an attractive woman than an unattractive woman.

at any rate i think this is still a market worth studying. also i wonder if some of the “cuddle parties” are actually FREE of charge, for weird cuddle nerds that actually like cuddling.

but why would you like cuddling with JUST ANYBODY? or with a LOT of people? or someone you just met?  really its just a lesser version of secs. I dont want to cuddle with strangers. well, maybe QT young 20 year old gurl strangers, hahaha. but what does it say when they gather up in parties to cuddle as many people as possible? that they are fooking NUTS. well DUH. were not looking to MARRY these sluts ahahha.

but like that article above says, the woman has to do a lot of Boundaries COnversations because a lot of the PTSD Veterans who havent touched a woman in 10 years, get ATTACHED and fall in LUV after cuddling with her for an hour.

actually 60 dollars an hour is not bad. i might actually do this if i can find an attractive woman.

so yeah. my big question, and ive wondered this for a while, is just laying there with your eyes closed and trying to sleep, does that have ANY benefit, does that Charge Your Batteries at All? i cant imagine it DRAINS you the same way being On during the Peak of your Day does.

but when i get ready in the morning, i have about 20 minutes of free time. i usually use this to lay down in bed, all dressed and ready to go, but just lay there and close my eyes for about 20 minutes. i dont actually want to go to sleep because i have to go to job. but I WANT TO THINK that this 20 minutes gives me a tiny boost and is almost like a 20 minute powernap, even though im not actually sleeping.

how accurate is that?

or what about if youre just having trouble sleeping at night. tossing and turning. one hour goes by. then another. then another. you worry because you are only getting 2 hours of sleep and you have to sell bullshit stories tomorrow to people.

i want to think that just TRYING to sleep has SOME of the effect of ACTUALLY sleeping.

citation needed hehehe.

like today i did my “pre nap”. i laid down for 2 hours but marked down only 1 hour of actual nappng. shit be lucky if it was actually 45 minutes! but I still hope that the nap i had will help me tonight and tomorrow.

no i will be ok tomorrow. its not like i have a job where i have to sell bullshit lies to people and push them off with bullshit excuses.

apr 26

ok survived the day with “only” 5 hours of sleep. i mean i have the easiest job in the world, its fooking stupid. i wish i could be more charming and interesting with the colleages. i mean i am NICE buy i am not very CHARMING. in the competitive world of Productive Enterprise where you always have to sell yourself and establish Competitive ADvantage. I mean the most INTERESTING thing about me are my HORRIBLE, NARROW MINDED, BIGOTED bigotry and racism! that I cant even DEFEND from SHITLIBS who believe in knapsack of privilege and Everybodys Equal! then raise your children and move your family to a nonwhite ghetto, captain save a thug hahahaha. oh whats that? you live in a 94th percentile charles murray superzip? hahahaha. yeah but there is plenty of diversity. indians and asians with masters degrees and phds. analysts and engineers.

wow actually doing good at poker table today, won 2 good hands and now i am up from buyin of 4 to…..8. and i do NOT want to lose it! at a higher stakes table than i like to be at. making my money from a loose aggressive player.

i probably linked this a few months ago and it deserves to be linked again.

i dont hate TRS, I dont think enoch is a j00, i just agree with anglin on pretty much everything he said about enoch and trs. they handled the situation TERRIBLY at the time, they still COULD fix it, it was STUPID how they banned so many people from the forum for simply asking questions about a serious issue. its not to late to apologize. its not too late to unban. i dont think mike himself is a joo at all. many people on stormer think he is, i think thats stupid. i dont mind if anglin links TRS. he should. i agree, TRS adds too much value to the movement and our RACE NOT to link them. i guess enoch still does great daily shoahs. i liked the 2 minutes he was speaking at the spencer speech. would love to see enoch do things himself and have heated arguments with college shitlibs for hours.

but ill always be a bit sour on how they handled the joo wife situation, meaning i wont be as RAVING of a fan of them, wont be as EAGER to gibs them SHEKELS, compared with how I EAGERLY gib shekels to anglin. i have a mancrush on him that hasnt been soured. i couldnt see anglin handling a situation like this. all they needed to do was be transparent and apologize and not act like they were HIDING something.

i KNOW they just made a mistake like humans very often do. but its still not too late to apologize for the mistake, and they havent done that, and it doesnt seem like they ever will! and I would be even MORE sour if they ban me from TRS forum just because I dont post, and took a break, and mainly lurk, and asked good faith questions on other sites, and wasnt THRILLED with how they handled it, AND I donated money directly to sven stating my username before all the doxings. it was right after sven was doxed and before mike was doxed. those doxings were very different because sven didnt have a joo wife. worse, i really liked sven and he was probably involved in a lot of the Unjust Bannings at the forum. I don’t blame him for not blabbing about the joo wife, i would be more butthurt at him for banning so many people and for not gently pushing mike to do more and say more and for letting him get off so…..easily. well. apart from losing his job, family, reputation, livelihood, hahahahaha.

it was a RIDICULOUS situation, it still is, MONTHS later. but mike is a great speaker and thinker and should totally do public events like spencer.

the lovefest i have now with anglin is like the lovefest i had for mike and sven before all the shit went down.

i still enjoy the fatherland and hope to hear no1 again.

just SHUTTING DOWN all discussion of an important topic is not super cool and I WISH the higher ups would understand that and mike would just suck it up for 1 hour and make a heartfelt statement. i mean, he’s lost EVERYTHING, what else does he have to lose? it makes so little sense its frustrating. cant even blame it on joos because i really dont think they are!!!

but yeah The Movement has ALWAYS had infighting and drama like this. ALWAYS. but this was the biggest deal for me, because TRS really changed the game for me, took the movement to the next level, brought it into the current year, became the full realization of VVN 2.0 we’ve all wanted.

yeah well thank GOD anglin is also doing that.

hehehe fatshaming.

i do like “a little bit more booty”, but I think I’m basically just agreeing with anglin anyway. i dont mind a Kinda Big Butt in that we know women naturally have Bigger Butts and Thighs and Hips than Men, and thats FINE. andrew is of course talking about FAT SLOBS, which IS a BIG problem. and they SHOULD be shamed.

QUOTE For instance, if you see an interracial couple, you can stop and say, enthusiastically “wow, you guys are such a cute couple,” she will almost certainly interpret this as you giving her exactly what she wants – social approval for her brave social justice act. So then, while she’s smiling, look the stupid bitch straight in the eyes and say

“your father must be so proud.”

Then, start laughing, and walk away.   END QUOTE

he gives a lot of clear, actionable advice for young men who dont know these very valuable Life Lessons. I recommend doing these things. classic. anglin clearly knows his shit about women. see laughing is best because it shows total superiority, and that you are not BUTTHURT about it. even though it is justified to be butthurt about hwyte gurls being mudsharks. but you can just LAUGH at it because you know you can pull a better hwyte woman who isnt a mudshark.


Women have exactly zero desire to be “respected” by men who view them as “equals” – women desire to be dominated by men who view them as property.

I want my boys to get laid, I want my boys to sire strong white children with beautiful white women. And I am teaching them to be the kind of men who get that job done.

My agenda is to save the white race by helping men to become men again, and I don’t give a f0ck about the tears of you pussy-worshiping cowards who have abandoned OUR WOMEN to their own fundamentally self-destructive natures by refusing to give them male guidance through the mechanism of public shaming.

You white knight cowards are the ones who are destroying OUR WOMEN by abdicating your masculine duty to put them in their place where they are safe and protected by men who dominate and own them, while at the same time claiming that any man who stands up and does his masculine duty is the bad guy.

White knights are worse than J00s – they are traitors.


what a great writer! if he made a fiery SPEECH like this, people would be talking about it for months, yet this is just one of 10 articles he writes a day and prob will be forgotten soon. he needs to be doing articles like this in SPEECH form. this would start a fooking RIOT with antifa, and made the good guys look irresistable to women.

i don’t 100% agree that “white knights are worse than joos,” but i think this is andrew being provocative. i mean white knights ARE bad. but i think most are just naive and andrew is trying to wake them up. Get MAD, you sons of bitches!!!!!

good quote from poster: Simple experience with women teaches you this. Women never feel guilt for something they do, only shame for getting caught. Every cheating woman ever feels this way. As long as their man doesn’t know, then there is no problem as far as they are concerned. The courts also recognize the inherently amoral nature of women.  END

shame vs guilt. guilt is much better because it means you actually have morals. since women naturally do NOT have morals, we NEED to SHAME them.

EXTREME PROBLEMS DEMAND EXTREME SOLUTIONS. (not violence hahahahahaha but total verbal public shaming)

so some of the guys kicked off of TRS started a new forum around that time called the purity spiral dot com, look it up hahaha. i signed up for it but havent really read it, heard there are good effortposts there. thats the only thing i dont like about DS BBS, is some of the people seem SO RETARDED and have a huge chip on their shoulder. cant even tolerate a tiny difference in opinion with their white bruders.

hehehe my copy of MEIN K4MPF cannot be delivered fast enough hahahaha.

also i should really get a firearm, i would just like a basic bitch handgun, that’s it.

ideally i should get a concealed carry license just to essentially get TRAINING on how to be a Good Goy With A Gun. Although I really like Open Carry because of the signal it sends: dont even TRY to start shit here, ya filthy animal.

but i have no training on how to properly use, own, maintain a firearm. I’ve fired a firearm no more than 25 times in muh whole life.

apr 27

welp one day at a time haha. decided to start getting up at 5:20 am instead of 5 now. because it CHARGES THE BATTERIES MORE and gives me MORE ENERGY, even if only MARGINALLY, to  sleep an extra 20 minutes than just to lay there are pretend to sleep. although i hop that pretending to sleep does charge batteries a LITTLE.

actually changing that to 530.

this does NOT mean i can stay UP 30 minutes later at night. no. it means i STILL should go to bed at 800 and try to just get more sleep. try to aim for 8 hours and 30 minutes EVERY night.

so basically i was butthurt that women are not MORAL and women are not LOYAL. why cant women be MORAL or LOYAL. they just get to get away with saying sorry thats not how we were born, we dont have it in us, so manage expectations!

and you get butthurt to think that ANY HUMAN BEING, man or woman, hwyte or nonwhyte, NOT be CAPABLE of being MORAL and LOYAL. you just need the WILL.

so which is? can we expect women to be moral and loyal, or is that really TOO MUCH for them?

big dnation drive for daily stormer today as weev posted official article on splc lawsuit on anglin, set up a wesearchr for anglin, just hope that doesnt get shut down and he actually gets the money. i just sent him 5 dollars in btc hahahahaha. big dnator hahaha. because if the wesearchr doesnt actually reach 150k, then he gets nothing. that would suck!

abortion story on BBS. dont kill your babies! i dont think this guy fully appreciates the gravity of it. but theres a great point about how the woman will resent you if you go along with the abortion. its a giant shit test to get you to say DONT KILL MY BABY.

everything about women is so bad. its stupid to want women. they are SO MUCH NOT WORF IT.

really i hate not being STRONG enough to HANDLE just a normal, average woman. It’s mens JOB to MANAGE their women, and I can’t handle that job. not tough enough. not MAN enough. gotta MAN UP!!

there are a few guys on DS BBS that are such woman haters that they think that if you dont support BEATING women you are a WHITE KNIGHT beta Cuck hahahaha. if you are just a reasonable guy like me and only want to spank women. and sometimes the woman beaters make great points about women. but dont call the men who dont agree with beating women white knights just because they dont want to PUNCH a woman in the FACE. i agree with the white knights: we are white men and should behave more honorably than that. we dont need to beat our women, we dont need “SHARIA” we dont need to call women Things or Property. YES, we need to be IN CHARGE and LEAD our women. be the BOSS of them. but it doesnt mean we OWN them. really. they are more like PETS than PROPERTY hahahahaha. you OWN them but you LUV them too. like your children.

believe me, if anyone is open to extreme woman hating its me. and even i cant be convinced to be as EXTREME as some of these guys. even though i agree that EXTREME PROBLEMS NEED EXTREME SOLUTIONS. we dont need to PUNCH women (unless its antifa gurl hahahaha).

but the “toxic” woman-beaters DO have a decent number of GOOD points about women! alot more that the broken clock is right 2 times a day! these guys are right at least 10 times a day! they shouldnt beat women though! or hate them THAT much!

but the WQ is a huge deal because it affects us ALL, DEEPLY, EVERY DAY. except for the lucky few that have a halfway decent rel with a halfway decent woman. and you gotta be way above average TOUGH and STRONG to pull that off. but as NS VVN’s, this is is what we strive towards hahahaha. being super tough and strong.


hehehe ive repeated that several times.

well i got well below 1500 calories today, got about 1200. so that was good.

i just hate not being a normie and being so far gone and so weak and pathetic that i can never BECOME a normie!!!!!! :rage: :crying:

even if anglin loses this case, he’s not going to go to JAIL. at worst he will have to shut the stormer down. which would suck. but i think he would find  a way to SOMETHING after that. i mean its amazing he keeps the site up at all anyway!

could the govt seize his BITCOIN??

i mean we have heard stories of bitcoin being seized right? like dread pirate roberts and silk road and all that.



seems like more of the same, except now he has wiped out his subscribers and all his videos! which kinda sucks. i also hoped he would be gone for longer so he could have a REAL break and hopefully make a change.

saved his new email address hahaha.

now all the stupid haters will be back. i am the most bona fide, good faith, honest supporter of george there is.



make sure the apr 15 post is done

sept 9


ok took some nyquil, full 30 mL, at 6.15pm.

i just wanted to know what she wanted me to take away from this. in other words, did she WANT to hurt me? yes or no? And that I can’t tell. well at least i can say i didn’t deserve fookin painful revenge like that. but i want to know if she wanted to hurt me or not. normal people dont want to hurt anyone.

once again, the simplest explanation is the best: she didnt REALLY WANT to hurt me, but she just took the path of least resistance. least resistance. we already knew she didnt like trying or putting in effort.

heh. did you WANT to HURT me? the only time i ever wanted to hurt anyone was when some gurl totally broke my heart and then went on to enjoy her life of being a carefree fun luving slut, and i still sorta saw them sometimes. i wanted them to feel a little bit of the pain i was feeling, to be more remorseful for breaking muh heart. i wanted whatever chad THEY luved, to break THEIR heart.

yeah i guess i felt that for her too. but it was never really strong hate or anything. just sadness and disappointment and oh god my life is over. i didnt want to K myself but I did feel there was nothing to live for hahahahaha. one of the most important people in muh life was gone forever.

the other day i was watching die hard 1 on tv and i was like sheeeeeeeeeeeit its SHAMEFUL that I never really sat down and watched this all the way thru, because this is a CLASSIC that I can TOTALLY understand how people have watched it HUNDREDS of times and is their favorite Action Thriller of All Time. People have seen it 100s of times, can recite every line, every movement, and I totally see why. yet i had never even seen it ONCE.  i mean i had seen bits and pieces of course. but the whole movie beginning to end? nope. and that is a SHAME. that is SAD.

of course it is totally the type of movie i would luv to watch while cuddling with a waifu. like that woman. do i want to cuddle and watch die hard with this woman? or am i indifferent? i better not be!

sept 10

hmm i am wondering if i should officially lower my price to 12 dollars an hour hahahaha. probably yes.

heh. i think nyquil on friday is much better than nyquil on saturday. because now i will be ready to Job Search like a maniac on monday hahahaha.

hmmm i didnt realize nick caves 15 year old son had died and that is basically the reason for his harrowing new album “skeleton tree”. i was fortunate enough to see cave live in 2014 and that was just wonderful, awesome, unforgettable, very special, type of thing you ideally want to share with someone special although i was more than happy to go alone hahahaha. i was pretty indisposed during 2015 and didnt even know his son had died. basically tripping on ACID and he fell off a CLIFF. jeez.

of course he is very private and was not giving interviews, just had this album and an accompanying movie, and i guess both are really intense, as you might imagine. yeah that is really tragic. yeah that will take a few years to get over yikes. supposedly caves father dying when he (nick) was 19 had a YUGE impact on his life, and i have no doubt this will also have a huge impact on him. lot of pain and grief and loss to deal with. but at least he has an attractive faithful wife for the past 17 years hahahahahahahahaha.

i dunno. nick cave is just a great one of a kind guy, and he doesnt need any more grief. but i wish he gave like regular sermons on morality so i could ascertain exactly how degenerate he is hahahahaha. because i suspect he is quite nondegenerate. although he prob was back in his youth. drugs and sluts and shit. but now he is deep and good and possibly religious!

and yeah the concert was fantastic, him as a 57 year old man, didnt matter, whole band (seeds) was electrifying. totally awesome. glad to have been privileged to see that show. definite bucket list shit there. for sure. probably wont ever see them again. but really should if i get the chance.

heh. it is kind of like me losing HER. that is how pure and giving muh love was. totally unconditional. like the love you have for your child. and then they are just ripped out of your life one day. like cave says, you are changed whether you like it or not. you are instantly a different person. you dont even know how to relate to yourself any more. we dont like change, which is fine, but what do you do when life changes you instantly and permanently? you are in a state of confusion, and I guess this new album captures this confusion and uncertainty very well. he is just LOST.

and you just cant replace your son the way you replace lovers. oh youll find someone better. oh i guess it wasnt meant to be. nope. never gonna happen here. you just have to live with that Huge Hole In Your Heart and Life.

so maybe I should listen to this album, maybe it could help me hahahaha.


and its less than 40 minutes, not some 80 minute bloated monstrosity, even better.

movie trailer. i guess a lot of it was filming shortly after his son died. YIKES. INTENSE GRIEF AND PAIN.

but yeah that is totally how i would describe my loss hahahahahah. when you get dumped people tell you to get over it and she wasnt the one and oh well guess it wasnt meant to be. well instead, show them this film and when they are Numb and Crying at the end, see if they would say that shit to you hahahahaha.

so yeah thank u nick cave for explaining to the world that MY grief and loss is like Losing A Child, hehehehehehe.

so you say thats inappropriate, you can never luv your waifu like you luv your child.

well i say who are you to say that. i say ok fine its not exactly, but it is much more similar than you think! unconditional, abiding, long lasting, it never truly dies, its there thru thick and thin, good times and bad. its not some passing phase, cant be replaced.

you have this numb and confused look on your face like nick cave hehehehe. but you are not numb all the time. sometimes youre numb, many times you are confused and sad and devastated and dont know how youre going to adapt to this Big Life Change. when someone is such a big part of your life, than when they leave, YOU CHANGE.  IT CHANGES YOU and you didnt WANT to be changed like this.

now, all the people that have lost children are gonna be offended. ok fine. i guess losing your waifu is not AS bad. but it’s CLOSER to losing a child, than it is to losing some meaningless, forgettable, disposable, replaceable piece of meat on the carousel of meat. its not some passing phase.

dont tell me she was just a disposable replaceable piece of meat to me by saying i should get over her quickly!

of course i would like her to feel that i was important to her too.

i think i was for a while…..but then that ended. it was just a phase hahahaha. she didnt luv me like she would luv her child. of course, many women can make excuses to K their own children! i cant even fathom!

heh i wish she DID give me “BREADCRUMBS!” because that would mean she still cared, and maybe there was a CHANCE, and would let me bang her HARD, and that would prob be enough to make her fall in luv with me! breadcrumbs means shes giving you a CHANCE, WILLING to talk or hang out or do SOMETHING!

MANY normies just dont understand No Contact. when we autists try no contact, THEY contact US and be like oh i havent talked to you in a while.

i guess i was just kinda shocked to see that she was so willing to do no contact as well.

lots of guys threaten to K themselves too. dont leave me or ill K muh self! this is about the worst thing you could do, it makes you the bad guy, an abuser, a manipulator, a sneaky pathetic little J. I am SO glad I never did that. It’s about on par with stalking in the Creeper Checklist.

I mean I don’t think these things are so creepy, i mean you are just expressing the intense pain you are feeling!

i mean when you are being dumped you cant think straight! you can’t really intentionally manipulate someone!!!! you just act reflexively! you make nothing but impaired decisions on anything! your mind is completely fooked up! sheeeit you might just K yourself! right in front of her hahahaha. but you probably wouldnt hurt her hehehehe.

anyway i am SO GLAD that the creepiest thing I did was just write an email. Begging for communication. really that wasnt creepy AT ALL. so I am grateful for that. I could have been a LOT creepier. but instead I was well behaved and wasnt creepy at ALL.

i was pathetic sure. beeta. omeega. please respond. please dont throw me away like a piece of garbage. please try to be a little nicer to me, please dignify our friendship and tell me i meant anything to you and that you dont WANT to hurt me. acknowledge muh pain please. please end this better.

but no stalking, no threats hahahaha. i mean i had some “dark thoughts” sure. thank GOD I dont get those any more!

was in church and there was like an 18 year old gurl at the oldest a few rows ahead of me. she was kinda chubby and potatoey but she had a very cute nice face and hair and this honestly nullified all the potatoeyness. she was there with her father who himself was pretty soft and potatoey but seemed like a nice guy. i hope she doesnt become a slut. i thought about Asking Her Out in the middle of church, or maybe asking her father. for permission to date his 17 year old daughter hahahahaha. GREAT.

but yeah theres the Protector and Provider sense.  in a way you are like their new father, and they are like your child that you protect and provide for. so thats partially why its like losing a child. a child that you fook hard like some kind of porno slut hahahahaha.

no contact. WOMEN, never fook or suck a man unless it would take you two full years of No Contact to Get Over Him. thats how serious you must be about the man.

went for 2.8 mile powerwalk, listened to that new nick cave album, not really a fun listen, there are no real song type songs on it, really just kinda like poems with atmospheric ambient background music, like his previous album pushed towards that extreme. no catchy hit songs.



lot of good stuff here, i know his feels all too well, except he is younger and has more experience and is gonna have a sweet engin degree soon hhahahaah.




dear god please help me. hehehehe.

it has been 90 days approx since i last contacted her. it has been approx 124 days since everything ended. and i feel i dunno. not ok. not at the top of my game hahahah. still a fookin rollercoaster.  shit is stupid. that shit pretty much ruined my whole YEAR. no joke. turned 2015 from an ok year, getting better, to the WORST YEAR EVER. foook.

every day you relive bits and pieces and feel the pain. FEEL YOUR FEELINGS hahaha. i think you have to! that would be my advice, feel your feelings, dive right into the pain and suffer ridiculous prolonged pain and never contact them until one day about a YEAR later you feel more normal. the end.

bits and pieces. yesterday i was thinking of short talks we had when things were still good, ie she was distancing herself so it wasnt really good, but we were talking. she talked about things she wanted to do and i said heck yeah i’ll take you to bla bla bla whenever you want, i agree that would be fun. lets do it hahahaha. and she just gave some noncommittal answer like yeah that would be fun lol only never to speak of it again, and in fact she simply refused to hang out with me AT. ALL. how do you think that made me feel hahahahaha.

so she wants to do those things, just not with ME. some other guy is gonna do those fun things with her and then fook her and she is gonna be LOYAL and LOVING to HIM. great.

i am A Naturaly Empath, meaning i can read other peoples feelings right away. its a SKILL i have hahahaha. i can tell RIGHT AWAY when somebody is having a bad day. i can read people like a book just by lookng at them. so i knew right away when SHE was becoming distant, but i was misattributing it, and deluding myself. oh she’s just stressed about her life, but she still wants to work things out with me.

the reality was, she WAS stressed out about her life, AND she did NOT want to work things out with me.

and i was observing a male acquaintance of mine the other day who was clearly in a bad mood and PROBABLY about his ladyfriend, and i dont trust her, it looks like an imbalance where he luvs her more, meaning one day she will dump him and he will be heartbroken, and that day might be upon us!

its insanely insulting and offensive and disoreineting and sickening and DEVASTATING when YOU want to work to make something work. you say baby lets talk about this, WE CAN GET THROUGH THIS; and their response is NO, i dont WANT to get through this, i just want to be DONE. im DONE with you. NOTHING you can do can fix this. nothing WE can do together can fix this. Even though things were good, i dont even want to work to get back to THAT. i just dont want you.

they would rather give up on you and dump you and not be with you, than work on shit.  i hate this bullshit.

basically you think: did she ever care about me AT ALL, EVER? when things seemed good? you obviously dont even want to go back to the good times. you would rather have me out of your life than go back to the good times. so those good times werent so good then? you were with me out of pity or weakness? wtf? why were you ever with me in the first place? oh yeah thats right, sex is just recreational.

now this guy knew this gurl for shorter than i knew That Person….but it was still about a year maybe. almost a year.  ANNNNDDDD he hung out with her a lot more, cuz they were actually “dating” and fooking. but the main point is, he spent a lot more time with her in 1 year, than i probably spent with That PErson in 2.5 years. in terms of Raw Hours Hanging Out one on one.

it shakes you to your very core when someone would rather Be Done with you, than try to Work Things Out with you.  you beg them, please we can work this out, lets talk about it, i’ll change, i’ll do anything, but they dont want to talk. they just dont want to be with you AT. ALL. under any circumstance. when you had been deluding yourself that things were ok. even if you are an empath hahahahaha. or you had been banging and cuddling just a few days ago. that was her just going thru the motions. its over. shes done with you.

this happens all the time, to every man.

it IS a big deal to get dumped by someone you luv. the heartbreak is DEVASTATING. not just for me, but every man whos been dumped. it is DEVASTATING. i dont know why i need to keep explaining this. becuase women just dont understand. because they do 90% of the dumping, that they dont remember or know what its like to GET dumped.

well i GUARANTEE that when they did get dumped…….they were devastated too. they stalked the guy, they went out and fooked 1000000 guys and became a slut. they handled it a lot worse than you did! and then immediately start dating and fooking guys but always being one foot out the door, being with a guy but halfheartedly, not really loyal or committed, cuz really they havent gotten over some guy from the past, but were so scared of not having a dick in them, they never went without having a dick in them. disgraceful.

its childish! its like women complaining about manchildren living at home and playing vidya and deadend jobs at age 35……..well WOMEN ARE EVEN MORE CHILDISH. they might be making 30DAH at their human resources / recruiting / pr / manager careers, but they are MORAL INFANTS compared to these Brave, Courageous, Morally Upright Manchildren!

a story as old as time. one person likes the other person more. invested more, committed more, more loyal, wants it more, loves them more. one sided. an obvious imbalance. tipping the scales. this is not complicated or unique. of course the best thing to do is to end it. but it is incredibly painful, and the person ending it Is Morally Obligated not to bring them any more pain, by like dumping them in the worst way possible.

you have abandonment issues because youve BEEN ABANDONED! i dont see how this is an ISSUE. people you trust just up and leave you.

also what many women call NEEDY or CLINGY is just the fact that the guy likes them MORE. when you LOVE someone, you want to spend time with them. plain and simply. in this sense, love is inherently NEEDY. because you really want to spend time with them. like hang out once a week or something.  this isnt NEEDY, its NORMAL when a person has FEELINGS. havent you even had FEELINGS for a man? remember when?

i thought women were supposed to be Natural Empaths. NOPE. men are WAYYYYYYY more empathetic than women. women cant understand needy guys or dumped guys, even though women have at times been needy or dumped.

but i was NEEDY because i wanted to talk to a Friend at Work regularly, when we used to talk regularly? you cant tell someone to f00k off out of your life without hurting them! you cant tell them i dont want to be friends anymore but you obviously do, now leave me alone cuz thats what i want, without hurting them!

so i have to accept you dont like me any more and dont want to talk to me? how do you THINK that makes me feel? that i should just say oh ok guess ill go EAT WORMS?????? and kind of i did say that but also in a beta passive aggressive way. so its all my fault of course.

well it was because she knew something was up becuase i was ACTING WEIRD and making her uncomfortable. i wonder if she was Empathic or Emotionally Mature enough to realize i was acting weird BECAUSE i had feelings for her.

the emotionally mature person says, uh oh, my friend is getting feelings for me and i dont. awwwwwwkwarrrrrrd. well theyre not a bad person so i better try to let them down as gently as possibly cuz they are gonna be disappointed.

ive never had to do this, yet i know the right way to do this. im not a fookin genius. i just TREAT PEOPLE THE WAY YOU WANT TO BE TREATED. its like women dont even understand or know the golden rule. you learn that when you are 4 years old. come on.

well its got to be bad for this guy i know, he’s been like fooking her for a year and spending TONS of time with her, and then she suddenly decides she’s not into it any more? that she doesnt want him as much as he wants her? shit i would be devastated too. because you think……all those good times we had…..didnt they mean anything to you??? well yeah they did, just not nearly as much. the good times werent special enough that I want to continue being with you. DAMN.

yeah this really is irreconcilable differences. cuz the woman doesnt WANT to TRY To reconcile. why? because she just doesnt luv you. she just doesnt want to be with you even if you reconcile. she would rather be alone or be with other guys than YOU. of COURSE that hurts. why do i have to keep explaining that it hurts? i do it for the women, and the beta cucks who are being shamed by women, and turned into emotional moral infant women, who no longer understand basic truths about life, such as, being dumped is devastating and lemme write you a 9000000 page book exactly WHY.

i know shes capable of luv because i have seen her luv other men more than she luvs me!!!!!!!!

why do women always want to dump you rather than Work It Out? because they dont want to work it out, bceause they dont want to be with you period.

then why did they spend all that time with you and have secs with you and things went well for a while?

because they went well for a while but then they stopped because all rels have an expiration date and many women rarely date guys for longer than a year….????

well the guy i know is very confident and charismatic and has a great job and is very ambitious in his career, real vice president type material here, if not C Suite hahahahaha. makes good money, is very charismatic and intelligent. not sure the girl is a great match for him because she is moody and walled off and i am not sure she would be a good match for ANYBODY! probably getting over some baggage hahahaha. ex bf she cant get over, or she was raept and seeks the attention of men, but cant really connect with men emotionally. who knows. i never trusted her hahahaha but she was young and cute so thats good enough to get decent provider men to fall in luv with you.

do these men not consider the personality?

well, its easy to fool a person into thinking youre a good person: you just be nice to them and show interest in them, and turn on that sweet gentle feminine warmth for a while. that is the female equivalent of being charming. you can just turn it on and off apparently. this shit that really makes you connect with a woman, they can turn off and on so easily.

i mean its not HARD to be NICE. it really isnt. the biggest bitch in the world can be super nice to you for a few months. a year.

but are they showing you real loyalty?

do they really want to spend time with you?

why do programs crash hahahaha when you are struggling to explain the Root Cause of Welp the program or service crashed. why????

uhhhh there was a runtime error that will need to be address by the software development and or engineering team. but i havent gotten permission to send the case to them, so just call us back if it happens again, and be sure to mention this ticket number, because i will leave notes in the case saying, if they call back with this issue, pleaseeeeeeeee beg to escalate to the software or engineering or development or bla bla backend team because its a persistent issue. i dont even know what teams we have or who does what. i just know someone higher up, probably in those departments, needs to dig into the code because they are getting a runtime error. look in the logs. shit i dont know where the logs are thats above my paygrade. the god damn software engineers SHOULD KNOW. but shit we say that every day, so and so SHOULD know, but they dont. so where should they go? to their manager hahahaha.

manager doesnt know but they should know, so where do they go? to THEIR manager. hahahaha

it is devastating to get dumped. you love the person more than they love you. you want to stay, they want to go. this hurts you to your soul, baby please dont go hahahaha.

early termination fee baby. if they have it on phones, they should have it on rels. definitely. she is gonna be hurting you by dumping you anyway, so give some kind of offering. a god damn BUYOUT. heres a thousand bucks to sweeten the deal.

well i have lost way more than a thousand dollars by quitting muh job hahahaha.

how about: some Buyout Bangs, at least 30; long conversations, and a long letter from her explaining that she isnt throwing you away like garbage, and maybe characterizing herself as the bad guy for wanting to quit you. write me a fifty page letter. seriously. appreciate the god damn pain you will cause me and apologize profusely for it.

how did they do this in the 1700s. in the good old traditional days. well they didnt because men oppressed and owned women like slaves hahahaha.

ok i said before the pill was like opening pandoras box and showing womens true nature.

well actually i dont think being disgusting promiscuous is womens true nature at all. their true nature is tied to their uterus and therefore they need to respect the uterus and realize that women werent made to have recreational sex. so when they do, they become crazy and immoral and bad. no bueno.

so the pill has unleashed them FROM their natural responsibility and natural role as The Child Bearing Sex (gender hahaha). and that unleashing is bad. the pill is bad. dont get into a long term rel with a woman who uses the pill.

but what if she luvs you, and is loyal to you, and wont lose interest in you, and will be faihtful and loving and loyal to you long term.

well then convince her to stop taking the pill. train her and school her on real red pill troof bruv. nothing wrong with doing that!

THE pill is BLUE pill, take the RED pill hahahaha.

and that person didnt take the pill i dont think, which i liked, becuase i dont lke the pill, and i thought most women took the pill. turns their brains into animal slut brains.

its ok for RATS to breed like r-selected rats…..because theyre RATS!!!!!

what im saying is, humans are INHERENTLY K-selected because of the INTENSE pregnancy and child rearing process! its a HUGE investment for women to have even ONE child!!!!!

it would be different if women had Literally Litters of children, and put no effort into raising them. but even the worst, laziest human mother has to put in more time and effort than a Rat Mother!

im saying that a rat will have a litter of literally 20 babies, some will die, oh no big deal, and then in a few weeks or months, the babies become adults and are thrown to the wolves. and of course many of them die before reproducing but prob half of em live, and those that do live have 20, 40, 60, 100 babies.

that is r selection at its finest: quantity not quality.

anyway i dont like seeing human women moving in that direction. i mean they physically CANNOT. pregnancy will always last 9 months and be resource intensive; raising children will ALWAYS take YEARS and be very resource intensive.  so it NEVER makes sense to have sex quickly with a man you just met for recreation.

and i think that person understood a lot of this stuff…..they just didnt understand how i was feeling and how to treat me.

you can go to a legal brothel in curacao hahahahah which is a dutch territory like aruba. dutch eh i thought. i wonder if they have legal mj too. i dont think so.

why would they rather dump me rather than work on the rel.

because they dont WANT to work on the rel, they dont want to be with you, period.


its actually not so bad because we never dated, never fooked, i never REALLY thought she had special feelings for me. this guy i know, he was fooking the girl for 11 or 12 months, spending a lot of time with her, it would therefore SEEM that she had SOME KIND of feelings for him. and then to get THAT rug pulled out from under you. damn.

google dump them or work on the relationship

it takes men who were dumped about as long as the rel LASTED to fully get over it!

” here are definite things to avoid when ending a relationship. These include:
cutting person out of your life with no explanation
– getting someone else to end it on your behalf
– using the threat of a break up to control your partner
giving mixed messages (so saying the relationship is over while acting as though you have a future together)

Some people find deleting their ex’s contact details prevent the urge from getting back in touch. Unfriending an ex on Facebook can help and avoid post-break up drama. Although if you are trying for an amicable break up tell them you’re cutting contact on social media so it doesn’t seem like a hostile gesture.”


basically it seems people know. if they want to work on it, theyll work on it. and both of them have to want to work on it.: i wanted to work on it, she didnt. therefore we didnt work on. it is a total weakest link sort of situation. a rel is only as strong as its weakest link. FACT.

WHEN A WOMAN SEZ, “IM INTO CHILL HANGOUTS” it means she is a SLUT who LIKES casual recreational cock carousel revolving door slutsex. avoid if you are looking for a wife.

this one is bretty good, officially sanctioned by the counseling services of a univ where lots of virgin niceboys are being dumped by harridan whores hahahahaha

is tinder strictly for “CHILL HANGOUTS” and hookups, or is it for Actual Dating?

of course, when 99% of  Actual Dating involves sex within the first 3 dates, WHATS THE DIFFERENCE?????

MAKE HIM WAIT 6 MONTHS AT LEAST. 1 YEAR WOULD BE A LOT BETTER. unless you’re not long term material, ya easy short term slut!

welp its almost better we didnt actually date because then this would be worse, like with that guy i know. she was giving HIM real strong signals: fooking, dating, spending lots of time – and when she cuts ALL THAT off, he will be devastated, rightfully. when that person cut me off, there wasnt much to cut off. she was being a distant b and we were dating, or foking, or hanging out. yet i was still devastated, cuz i knew she once had some sort of positive “feelings” for me, and it was hard to lose that. well with this guy, shit he was getting solid signals of actual like liking feelings.

well he is more resilient than me so he will handle it. plus he is very social, much more social than me. and has a great job. and deserves a better woman as opposed to a damn flaky slut who doesnt know what she wants or what she feels. they dont know what they feel, just that they have no feelings for you. GREAT. hahahaha.

they dump you for being NEEDY because they cant see youre not beeing NEEDY, you just have different feelings for them. you have feelings for them, they dont have feelings to you. of course that might SEEM needy, but if she had the feelings too, she would be just as “NEEDY.”

emotionally intelligent people like myself, and NOT her, recognize and sympathize and empathize with this. we dont accuse someone of being needy. we recognize its just the special feelings they have. Crazy Little Special Feelings Thing Called Luv. god damn. this is not rocket science.

sometimes i want to contact her and say YOU JUST CANT DO THAT TO PEOPLE. THATS WRONG. you cant get away with doing that, and not even KNOWING that you did something wrong!

and she things i ABUSED her simply because i was ANNOYING!


well, i dont know that she thinks i ABUSED her. i certainly suspected and blamed myself of doing so.

NOPE i was just annoying to her. because she could not understand that my feelings for her were not inherently annoying. she chose to be annoyed by them.

but yeah its worse if you are dating and banging the gurl for a year and then she says nope no more. i dont even want to work on this. im done. this cant be fixed. im done. the end.  then you think, well what about that time i was so happy with you? you mean that was FAKE?????? thats devastating. and i had that to SOME extent. see this is why i dont like secs. it just makes things more complicated and worse and more devastating in the end. it makes you think you KNOW somebody, when YOU DONT KNOW THEM AT ALL.

dont have secs with somebody UNTIL you know them.

and even when you think you know them after 2 years just getting to know them…………you migth not know them.

ok time to go to the fatness.