NOT EVEN MOST WOMEN ARE EVIL CHILDREN

nov 11

sheeeeeeeeeeeit LEONARD COHEN died. age 82. not sure what. he came out with that new song/album a few months ago. out of all the famous singers who died recently, LC is by far the one I liked the most. I was/am an actual literal serious LC FAN. I have seen LC live. TWICE! I have spent hours listening to and fully enjoying LC, respecting an admiring him. I know he was old and obviously wouldnt live forever, and his health seemed to be declining even with that. he did not have long in other words. and here it happened.

ive listened to him less the past few years, and have been trying to keep his JOOISHNESS in mind critically, but he was still prob muh fav JOO. and now that he is gone it would be a lot easier for me to push the button and send them all back to their homeland hahahaha.

i still think he was a good guy. i just didnt like that his profound songs, lyrics, philosophy had to be somehow TAINTED with jooishness.

i mean i dont think he was a typical antiwhite joo by any means.

he died on MONDAY and we only heard about it on THURSDAY? well thats more than fair. i would just hate for him to be pressured to make an anti trump statement during his last day of life hahahaha. who knows, he probably did before hahaha.

cant find cause of death. i mean it doesnt really matter, i just want to know if he secretly had CANCER like david bowie.

sheeeeeeeeit now i gotta listen to his latest album released 1 month ago. i heard one song from it and i didnt love it.

unfort i had a dream about That Woman last night so i am thinking about that.

also that she knows that I am a big cohen fan so when she hears about his death she will think of me unless she is just THAT dense, 50 50 chance there hahaha.

basically how can any big LC fan be a total betraying piece of shit? she would think if she was smart and mature, which she is not hahaha.

like LC, i have lived for years blaming myself for hurting and disappointing someone i luved, totally being a coward. this is kinda how LC viewed himself too. disappointed in himself for being a coward who hurt the people he luved. i totally know that feel.

anyway he captures that guilt and Vulnerability very well, all real fans know this.

anyway the dream: in the dream i finally received my long awaited Long Email from her. she actually never appeared in the dream, just the email.

the email was nice and long. but it did not have her name on it, and it was in my Spam folder, and I easily could have missed it because it was buried among 6000000 emails in my spam folder. (not realistic, i check and empty spam every day and there is never more than 4 emails in there due to how often i check it)

i read the email and while i was glad she was finally communicating with me, it was frustrating. i think she apologized for shutting down. but she spent a lot of time talking about her new bf. and how she had to go out and be young and stupid for a while, dating around, euphemisms for being a casual sex slut. then she finally met this guy who she cant even explain. on paper he sounds horrible: immature, unfriendly, he’s even more emotionally sensitive than me or even YOU (meaning me!), grumpy, stubborn, but I just saw something in him and now I am so happy.

(that made me angry and be like yeah but i am better than that! hes even MORE emotional than me? why couldnt you just pick ME instead? why go out and be a slut and then end up with a guy whos like me, but even WORSE? why not contact me earlier and give me a chance? I still luv you!)

so yeah my ultimate feeling after getting the letter was frustration, not really any greater closure, but a reawakened desire to try to beg her to come to me, pleeeease think about dating me, please give me a chance, you’re dating an emotional, short, grumpy, awkward guy, i am all those things too, but i am trying to become a better man though! and i would luv you unconditionally!

so yeah the whole feeling was like, this doesnt make me feel much better, this wasnt the closure i was looking for, she didnt talk enough about the stuff i wanted her to talk about (apologizing, dont blame yourself, youre a great guy) and talked too much about stuff i didnt want to hear about (new emo boifran, slutting it up.)

and she said, you absolutely need to have no contact with me in order to get over this, we cant talk again for like a YEAR. and just go out there and meet new people. I did! good people, bad people, just any new people. youll meet a few shitty people but eventually you will meet a great person and then you will get over me!

so that was technically good, becuase yeah thats exactly what i need to do, and that was her saying, theres no chance between me and you.

mainly i was angry because i was like, overall, she doesnt’ really GET it. this isnt the letter i wanted.

but that made it easier for me to dislike her and to see how Incompatible we were, so thats kinda good tho.

but it also sucked to bring all the feelings back to the surface again, to remind me that i still wanted her. i had a strong urge to reply and try to persuade her like a game of chess. i still want you.

so yeah. basically it means that a letter from her wouldn’t do a ton of good at this late date. its too late hahahaha.

but technically i wouldnt mind DISliking her more. or an apology, an admission of her guilt, and her saying it wasnt my fault.

so yeah. i guess an email wouldnt be all bad. because i HATE being misunderstood, and not listened to, not given a chance to defend myself, and having someone i luv, hate me forever.

but yeah i dont need stupid dreams bringing HER back to the fore, when there are much more important things happeneing in the world!

trump victory!

leonard cohen dying!

and all i can think of now is, well when she hears about LC dying, she might think of ME and maybe try to contact me!

sheeeeit shes prob so busy working, making money, succeeding, and being in luv and fookin new bf’s, to ever hear about LC or remember anything about him.

i mean she could even have a CHILD by now hahahaha. thats how long i havent seen her.

she is SO MUCH OVER ME, and I am not really enough over her at all.

i mean i get good days and bad days, and had a couple bad days re her recently.

also, my good days are worse than normies bad days hahahaha.

http://goaskalice.columbia.edu/answered-questions/told-him-my-true-feelings-and-now-its-truly-awkward-0

good advice from communist alice. it takes courage to confess feelings. open direct communication is the best way forward. he doesnt want to reject you as a person.

thats something thats not covered in these talks. when you confess feelings for a friend, the “norm” is they are like, i dont feel that way, but i dont want to lose your friendship, you are valuable to me as a friend, and then you say, well yeah its complicated! but some space would be nice, can we agree on some space, i mean i wish you well tho.

but from her i got YOU BEATRAYED ME YOU PIECE OF SHIT I NEVER WANT TO TALK TO YOU AGAIN!!!!!

which left me devastated. but i didnt really get that though. i just got nothing.

http://goaskalice.columbia.edu/answered-questions/friends-partners-possible

again, just have a direct conversation, with no warnings of this could really really really blow up horribly.

which leads me to believe that blowing up THAT horribly is not normal.

ie, SHE DEFINITELY OVERREACTED BIGLY.

which doesnt mean i wasnt a coward, i def was.

but it takes a lot of courage to do this, AND she overreacted WAY too much, even for a WOMAN.

women are not that bad, white women voted for TRUMP. white women voted for trump. white women are not degen garbage who fook dogs and negros. at least 53% of white women are good hahahaha.

ok call to job int in 2 weeks from stupid hospital. yes THAT hospital. this is for an afternoon shift job with no benefits (casual) and which will be lucky to get 12 an hour. oh well. hopefully they can at least have the decency to give me an actual interview!!!!!!!!

instead of me showing up at 830 am, them saying you would be bored with this job, why dont you try applying for something that would be a better FIT for you, dont look desperate, this job isnt for you, we here at this hospital look at the types of jobs you apply to, you should really apply for something thats a better fit for you, good luck, buh bye.

goddam k1k3s hahahaha.

no you cant just APPLY for one of the 4000 new trump administration jobs. i checked hahaha.

forced self to eat less cereal this morning than i would normally eat.

fookin portion control!

stupid computer. hard drives. never had a hard drive fail. WHY did it fail? was i using the computer too much? i did use it a lot.

but its also been making a weird clicking and humming noise for like 2 months. which i wasnt sure was the hard drive but now i am much more sure thats what it was. cuz the beeping came from the same place.

root cause for hard drive failure. we dont know why your hard drive broke and you lost all your files hahaha.

well my most important files are all on The Cloud. i am really just losing a bunch of music files i downloaded. thats about it. really not bad.

leonard cohen. well he fell in luv many times, even more than i did, and was able to turn his profound feels into classic, timeless songs that will last hundreds of years. i do not have that talent hahahaha. just this blog hahahaha. this blog is my “hallelujah” hahahaha. my “suzanne” and all that shit. so long marianne. im your man. first we take manhattan. take this waltz. dance me to the end of luv. great song, i dont care that some joos say its about the h0l0h04x, its still beautiful. bird on a wire. you know what song i like is sing another song boys. everybody knows hahaha. a great newer song is “alexandra leaving.”  heart with no companion. the future. all that shit. joan of arc. avalanche. chelsea hotel. famous blue raincoat. lover lover lover. all great songs hahaha.

you gotta be a goddam POLITICIAN to CAMPAIGN why you are the BEST candidate for this 11 dollar an hour job. you cant just say the right things, you gotta really sell yourself and convince people. SHE couldnt do that! but she gets a good job just because she doesnt have a GAP like a NEET hahahaha.

hehehe. hey i had an offer for a tech support call center help desk tier 1 job myself, for good money. but i turned it down because i was too SCARED and COWARDLY.  i was like, its not worf it m8.

one thing i got better at is giving clients bad news. give a brief story of specific example when you were bad, then what you did, seek out mentorship, read books, watched youtube, here’s the top 3 things i learned, and here’s a specific story of when i got good at giving the bad news. of our company doesnt want to spend the money to fix our broken equipment hahahaha.

anyway i am real bad with these specific stories. i have a few but they are just not good enough. i SHOULD have written them down while i was THERE. to make them as DETAILED and EPIC and HEROIC as possible. spin them so they have a better ending of we just ignored the person because there case was too hard and expensive to solve, so we gave them the runaround until they stopped calling, because the person who did know how to help them just didnt want to, and we dont have access to the secret information in their head. job security. dont tell anybody anything and sure as hell dont write it down. and then dont help the people who are begging you to help them, becuase they dont even know you can help them.

but yeah now got the 28th interview lined up. not nearly as excited about this job, but welp the PIPELINE hasnt been so full lately hehe.

HONESTLY. why cant the skool just hire me already.

got like FOUR rej emails yesterday for various jobs. and less than half of places actually send rej emails. so what does that tell you. i rarely even APPLY for 4 jobs a day anymore. 3 or 4 on a GOOD day. 0 or 1 on a bad day hahaha.

ok applied for hospital job on the slow computer. great job, entry level data entry thing with very short description. prob get rejected as i always do for these hospital jobs hehe.

took some nyquil. always a good time there. wish we had legal mj. maybe in 2018 election. why not 2017? i thought the state could technically do something like that at ANY time.

but good luck getting Normal People out when there is not a presidential election! like for local elections, no one ever comes out.

even in the big 2016 election, only 55% of eligible people voted. tons of people were just not registered or just too lazy to vote.

i agree that i am too lazy and dont DESERVE to vote, but thats NOT what these people are thinking, they are just too lazy and uncaring to vote. i vote because i know i have to make use of this power (which i dont deserve, but i have anyway) to keep The Enemy From Winning. that much i can do.

im not proud of how i acted and some days i REALLY blame myself, but the FACT, the FINAL FACT, the VERDICT, is, SHE OVERREACTED BIGLY hehehehe. women tend to overreact and she overreacted on top of an overreaction. so that is on her, and i shouldnt and cannot blame myself for that. like i MADE her do that.

nov 12

yeah basically i thought even though our rel was In Trouble, that I was entitled to, that i had EARNED THE RIGHT TO DEFEND MYSELF.

how can you so easily throw me away, make me dead to you and you dead to me? we knew each other for 3 years!!!! Ive earned the right to defend myself against what you’ve charged me with! so lets have a damn trial! lets sit down and talk and present our cases before the judge and jury! i am confident enough to represent myself as my own attorney. you can get an attorney too if you like.

well then we would have to hire a judge and jury. that would be too expensive. finding an impartial group of people to make a decision on something that onyl matters to ONE person, me.

so yeah a Trial would have been NICE for me…..but its an expensive bourgeois LUXURY to have a trial.

no ones ENTITLED to a trial hahahaha.

your trial, my funeral hahahahahahahaha

just spending money like water this week and its not even xmas hahaha.

so yeah. i thought she would be willing to give me a TRIAL. LET ME DEFEND MYSELF. LISTEN TO ME. again thats all part of the Natural, Beautiful Complexity of being Thrown Away. it is a flower with many petals hahahaha.

i mean yeah. when a person can just Switch It Off, so 180, thats a Red Flag that you are not compatible with them.

of course compatibility is a jooish lie hahahahaha. its not about compatibility, its about WILLINGNESS TO WORK.

yeah well she wasnt WILLING TO WORK EITHER.

16 months later, 480 days later, still thinking about this. well, 500 is a nice round number like 100% is hahahaha.

leonard cohen. whose the white leonard cohen. LC was a great man but his CYNICISM and DESPAIR and PESSIMISM was so TYPICALLY Jooish. i am all those things too, and i dont like that jooishness in me, but it comes from living in a jooish culture and world. i dont want to be this way hahahaha. the world made me this way. my goy heart innately rejects it.

not to say ALL of cohens stuff was pessimistic! but he also wasnt willing to reject his own jooishness. he had a good sense of being a joo. well, few joos do not. they just say, well im not religious, we dont go to temple, we’re basically white. except when it comes to evil racist white privilege and granny dying in muh holocaust, then they are 6000000% jooish.

heh all the cohen fans are also antitrump. and i said, well if a person is a cohen fan they’re prob good people. hahahaha. no they are shitlib antiwhites hahaha. i might be the only trump supporting cohen fan in the world.  now, trump supporting cohen fans, i guarantee you THEY are good people hahahaha. great intersectionality there.

ghoul doxxing himself damn. yeah i am jelly he is a handsome nonnevergf chad, but its good for our people, and it takes courage to do this. i mean his real name hasnt come out, but its just a damn matter of time now.

i mean hows he ever gonna get a job as a phd now? thats what i worry about.

well he could prob get a job at a community college, which is seen as BENEATH the majority of phds…….but i can verify that its NOT beneath a sizable minority of them hahahaha. and i think ghoul would appreciate the chance to actually influence real people. i mean the CC is the great equalizer A LOTTTTTTTTTT more than some bourge university is, i realize that, and im sure ghoul realizes that.

white women voted for trump. white women voted for trump hahahaha. my knee-jerk reaction against white women is BAD, negative, a reflex i want to change. i get Stankface and think, these disgusting negro fooking sluts. these stupid annoying children. emily youcis, get the fook out of here, i dont want any annoying sluts in muh alt right white movement.

i would never hurt or abuse a woman, but my GOD do i TALK SHIT about them NONSTOP. my first reflex is to talk MAD shit about women. and i wish it werent hahahaha.

maybe if i met emily youcis in person and had a 1 on 1 conversation with her i wouldnt dislike her so much hahahaha.

but now im like, ha. women. these bandwagon jumpers. she’s just doing this because its edgy. she’ll be gone in ONE YEAR. I’ve been pro-white for six years hahahahah and just getting deeper.

its SAD that my FIRST REACTION to white women is one of dislike, negativity.

bbbbut im in a woman hating phase right now, it will pass.

i will be in a woman hating phase until i get over HER, which will take 2 full years hahahaha.

so if i am still hating women in july 2017, then i should work on that hahahaha. that is my deadline hehehe.

but yeah i can convince myself that white women arent all bad (i dont really care about nonwhite women, they can ALL be degen pigs, disgusting animals, and i just dont care, because theyre not “My Women.”) when i remind myself, 53% of white women voted for trump hahahaha. i mean thats a powerful Logic Bomb hehehehe.

basically, Not All Women, and Not Even MOST Women, would Heartless Hurt Me Deeply. Not Even MOST Women would have disgusting casual negro sex.

that is my Positive, non pessimistic mantra for the day haha. NOT EVEN MOST WOMEN. are evil children. or just destructive bratty out of control children, 50 foot baby with 600000000 machine guns.

come on. just pay a person to do what you dont want to do. it doesnt even have to be a professional. just hire the dr nick of relship counselors hahaha. pay tyrone off the street 20 bucks for crack to be a messenger of bad news. hey i dont like giving bad news either.

applied for 3 jobs. called one thing “payroll clerk” in cover letter even though official name is “payroll assistant.” WHOOPS auto disqualified! this is the same company i really really really wanted the IT job at. a health care company with good reputation. i also applied for a financial job at that same time which they mentioned in the IT interview, i said I’d be happy with either but was 60 40 into the IT job re better fit. i was reallllllly hoping to get the job. got nothing. also did not even get interview for financial job. NOW i just applied for payroll job at this company. i KNOW they are growing like wildfire because they told me that at the interview. they plan to double in size in 2 years.

applied for PT general office clerk job at health care “business” company. have applied for this SAME job like 4 or 5 times, ALWAYS get rejected. then it opens again a month later, then i apply again. get rejected again. well, sometimes its a FT version of basically the same job. diff req numbers each time so i COUNT it on muh sheet as a new job. numbers up.

onyl spent 178 hours on Job Search. Maybe i need to spend at least 500 hahahaha.

i would much rather just pay the 2100 dollars that these hours are worth at 12 dollars an hour rate and have someone else do this work for me hehehehe.

just all so fookin retarded. i cant help but feel if i were like 22 years old instead of 10ish years older than that, they would be more willing to hire me and i wouldnt have to do 28 goddam interviews.

god damn j1zz burping cvnt.

well did good today on calories at least. and technically on job apps, got 4 done. beating the avg of 3 hahaha.

i mean sheeeeeeeeeeeeeeeit.

yeah i mean TRY to give me the BENEFIT OF THE DOUBT. 2.7 years, you think you’d be “entitled” to the BENEFIT OF THE DOUBT. this might not be the worst case scenario. maybe he wasnt a huge liar. maybe thats why he was always trying to hang out. maybe thats what he said in those emails i deleted. maybe i shouldnt ahve overreacted so much. yeah i know he overreacted too but what would i do if i started liking a friend? i mean yeah thsi is an uncomfortable conversation, but he’s not a bad guy, he means well, we were good friends once, i’ll send my mom, or a mutual friend, or a shrink, or pay a black crack bum 20 bucks, to be the bringer of bad news for me.

the fact that she couldnt do ANY of that tells me that she was ANGRY and HATEFUL towards me and WANTED to PUNISH me for HURTING her.

but yeah i’ll never know. going down that rabbit hole again. wouldnt be going down it if i had some MJ, or a JOB, or other women to hang out with, or more friends to hang out with. i mean i have acquaintances who will prob go to the bar tonight…..but i dont really want to go to the bar! but i should go to the bar just to be social right?

yeah but its so loud and packed you cant even TALK to anyone or HEAR anyone. you cant be social when you literally have to scream in someones ear. is it that bad that i avoid these sort of situations? why cant i just go to someones house and play vidya and games and MJ and we can talk at a normal volume and actually hear each other?

but i feel ashamed showing myself when i dont have a job.

and i havent had a job in 16 months hahahaha.

well, i am ok with doing my weekly thing tho.

sooo……do i want to do that thing on saturday night then?

well i mean….i dunno. i wish there were other social options other than the bar, or that social game. for example, a friend i could just hang out with at a home, play vidya, play games, watch tv, take mj hahahaha. MAYBE take mj. i am lacking friends that i am close enough to do that sort of stuff with. to actually have relaxed banter. my other acquaintences are big on sports and tv, i dont know shit about sports and tv. i try to talk about it but i cant get very far. its HARD WORK hahahaha.

when you go down from 36 waist to 34 and have to switch from L underoos to M hahahaha. and XL t shirts to L.

 

 

 

 

COOL IT WITH THE ANTIHUHWHYTE REMARKS

nov 9

wow just wow, i cant even. you white people. so xenophobic and racist and sexist and misogynist. i need a mental health day to meet with my therapist. white people. so afraid to give up oppressing everyone else. i am sad and scared and ashamed. i cant even. i cant believe thsi is happening in 2016. those racist white boomers. white men. i thought they were dying off.

the leftist tears, shitlib tears, the moaning and groaning and its literally the end of the world. so fookin awesome. i dont want to be a sore winner or anything, BUT….. i mean i still hasnt sunk in for me, this is a huge fookin deal, i am just not used to this, i was totally expecting a hillary win, i still dont believe it.

but yeah to watch them whine about muh racism and all that shit they always whine about, but its worse now, but we won, the whites won baby hahaha.

of course not all trump supporters are deplorable racists like me. plenty go out of their way to be anti-racist. probably MOST are anti-racist.

but those shitlibs will call you a racist anyway.i just want to go to twitter and reddit and msm and all these sluts and catgirls.

well supposedly white women went for TRUMP. WOW. i would not expect any women to go for trump.

systematic hatred, voting for HATRED and DIVISION bla bla bla oh god i am so glad these LOSERS LOST. I dont want these people to think that their pathetic weak beliefs are correct. i want them to feel horrible anxiety and fear and hurt their fee fees for the next 4 years. hell yes i am a sore winner hahahahahaha. because these sick degen shitlibs are a fooking CANCER.

no not the everyday people that i see everyday. oh even the real life guy i know that is VERY butthurt right now and engages nonshitlibs in discussions of white privilege and legacy of slavery and structural, systemic racism, and who shakes his head at whites, total ta nehisi coates, atlantic, joo york slimes worhsipper hahaha. professional moving up in his career, making 50k+ a year. he is just so angry and butthurt and disappointed and will probably be complaining for the next 4 years. he is a white man who i have known for years and is a decent guy……but he will never be turned from his shitlibbery. now i dont think he is a bad guy and needs to GET IN THE OVEN like all these other sick traitorous shitlibs. even though he is a total shitlib hahahaha.

so yeah i dont want any harm to come to him because he is basically my friend, but i do enjoy his butthurt to some degree, like saying, yeah youre WRONG with all your BULLSHIT and us evil white men arent ready to DIE OFF just yet. welcome to the REAL WORLD.

but yeah all these shitlib millennials (and older) in joo york and all that shit, they can all hang for treason, hahaha. deplorable traitors.

i am hoping for r10t5 by ghetto blacks and browns, so law and order can come down swiftly hahahaha.

i dont think david duke won though, which is kinda suprising, i thought LA went strong for trump, i know they did.

well there was like 20 other republican in that race……dont they have a damn primary? i didnt know that. i thought he was the only repub candidate for senate.

literally shaking. giving side eye to all the WHITE PEOPLE i see. i just dont want to go out and see WHITE PEOPLE!!!!!!!! evil racist white people voting for trump, for racism, for homophobia and islamophobia and transphobia and guns and slavery and rape!!! the only thing that  that keeps me going is the thought that this is the LAST RATTLE of White Racism, and we just have to stay strong for 4 more years, then the WHITE MAN is DONE.

anyway. as a white person who never tried to be racist, who once cared about being anti racist, i gradually learned that nothing you could do was ever enough. YOU WERE RACIST WITHOUT EVEN KNOWING IT because you didnt bend the knee enough, didnt check your privilege enough. if you were white, these shitlibs saw you as racist unless you did everything you could to suck their dicks, like the punchable face weak phaggots you see in hillary events. and these White Dudes STILL have Internalized Racism bla bla bla.

i did natzi this coming but now shitlibs are really piling the hate on white women. that white women really sold out all WOMEN in favor of their white privilege. because trump did a lot better than expected with white women.

hehehe people saying “fook comey” and blaming comey for “reopening the email investigation” and that ruined hillarys chances, when there wasnt even any real news there hahahaha. so this was all a plan to make hillary look bad before the election.

i never unfriended anybody over their obnoxious political views hahaha. i mean this one guy would be a prime candidate, but i accept him as being a good decent honorable person at heart. with some horribly misguided views that he probably will never change unless some nonwhites start accusing him of being racist, when he is a huge outspoken antiwhite antiracist. a scathing rebuke by nonwhites antiracists antiwhites would probably strike a nerve with him. bbbbut im not racist! i check my white privilege! im sorry for slavery and its legacy! i understand systemic racism! i know all about housing discrimination! urban crisis! i cant be a racist! ive worked so hard to not be a racist! being a racist is the worst thing ever!

this is the common theme, they think being a racist is the worst thing ever. i would admit that it is not. i would admit openly i am “slightly racist. of course these antiracists dont appreciate that honestly, they think WHY WOULD YOU DO THAT? WHY arent you working to overcome your own racism? WHAT ARE YOU DOING ABOUT IT?

heh i will be amused just to hear these losers WHINE for the next FOUR YEARS hahahaha.

i have no precedent for this. still sinking in. still in shock. i didnt expect this. i expected hillary to win!

in 2012 i voted for mitt but also did not really expect him to win, but of course was slightly disappointed when barry won. but not NEARLY as disappointed as these shitlibs are NAO!!!!!!!!!

in 2008 I WAS the naive stupid immature shitlib voting for barry!!!!! and i was like yayyyy hope and change, this is so neat, progressive!

thankfully i got out of that. quitting drinking helped, i think it helped me Get Woke quicker. quit drinking in 2009, and i estimate 2010 was when i FLIPPED.

CA, NV, and MA have approved legal MJ! still waiting on AZ results. and maine.

uhhhh try not to dox but things got kinda heated in muh state, that is to say things were more exciting in this state than they have been in a few elections!

i wonder if it would be easier to sneak MJ out of Mass than out of colorado hahahahahahahahahahahahaha.

defeated in arizona. still waiting on maine. well that SUCKS for arizona! i would be pissed if i were them.

anyway i would be super annoyed if i were on FACEBOOK and reading this guys posts, and everybody else hehehe. but then i would know exactly how shitlib my friends and acquaintances are. but do i really WANT to know?

if they are ALREADY my friends and acquaintences, well, good for them, they are GRANDFATHERED in hahahahaha.

of course i havent made any NEW friends since……..sheeeeeeit. years. That Woman, and this nice young man I used to work with, were the the only real new friends I have made since………………..i dunno 2010 hahahaha. and that nice young man im sure was a bit of a shitlib. actually he seemed Non political but if asked to make a decision as in an election, would prob vote for hillary.

yep i still read this sub hahahaha havent Tasted The Tears from the more political subs hehe. i mean its REDDIT, you know it is gonna get pretty YUCKY in there.

TASTE THE TEARS!!!!!!!!!!

white women, 53% trump, 43% hillary. i am honestly suprised here. i thought at LEAST 60% hillary for white women, basically all women.

American women voted overwhelmingly for Clinton, except the white ones

http://www.slate.com/blogs/xx_factor/2016/11/09/white_women_sold_out_the_sisterhood_and_the_world_by_voting_for_trump.html

so yeah WOMEN on a WHOLE voted for hillary, but WHITE women leaned towards trump.

THANK FOOKING GOD. Maybe it was WHITE WOMEN who were RESPONSIBLE for this.

basically this makes me feel a lot better about white women!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

i mean not that i KNOW any white women who voted trump hahahhaahaa. well except this 47 year old woman i saw at this social event who has like 3 kids.

so yeah my friends and colleagues arent really EVIL…….but the people they want to lead them are evil hehehehehe.

im not even sure if the GOD EMPEROR has even spoke publicly since 3am in the morning. he sounded fairly presidential then but i am sure he was tired at the end of the night hehehe.

its kinda like an omega virgin falling in luv with a grill and putting the pvssy on a pedestal. rather than grabbing it hahahaha. our IMAGE of trump and what we WANT him to be are different that who he really is. there is NO WAY he can live up to our expectations. basically its very likely he will sell out and become a basic bitch establishment neocon like jeb bush or something. no wall, no jobs, no deportations, just a lot of tuff talk and no action.

i fully admit that could happen! and we will be disappointed.

but yeah i think even if/when trump disappoints, there will be other people like him, better than him, more alt right than him. he is just the beginning, but we do need somebody to be the first. when he disappoints, there will be someone else who does not disappoint.

so yeah i am fully prepared that he will sell out or soften in some way.

anyway last night in public there was still some hope that hillary would win. i thought hillary was gonna win. resigned myself hehehe. now these same people will be butthurt as hell today. i am going to a social thing tonight where the people will not be happy hehehehe.

oh well not my problem.

search white people on twitter

white guy saying white people are the worst, ugh,  i cant wait until white people are not a majority any more.

looks like we underestimated the evil white racists and this is a dreadful, disgusting reminder of how much power they still have, and how far we still need to go, in being ultra progressive degenerates. we need more tolerance and more progressiveness hehehehe.

theyve been saying this shit for years, but now they are at a fever pitch with it, AND they LOST. YOU LOSE.  its hard to be a good winner about it!

heh. i do want them to feel despair, i have felt despair for years. i want them to despair so hard they fail at life, lose their jobs, lose their rels, go completely fookin insane. but they already ARE insane! yeah but they are also VALIDATED by having good jobs and somewhat good rels! they need more rejection and defeat in their lives hahahahaha.

its just more funny to think of the white shitlibs i know. its like, is your life really ruined now? is this really SO bad? youre still here, youre still making 50k a year, you still have a gf or wife or kid, you still are respected and can cry with your intelligent educated shitlib friends about how horrible the white man is, go to your hugbox hahaha. this isnt really a a huge loss FOR YOU hehehehe. but you feel sooooo bad on behalf of the muslims and women and nonwhites and latinos and blacks who are being BULLIED by this playground BULLY. chad the white fratboy bully.

i mean you HAVE to be upset, to SIGNAL that youre NOT A RACIST!

only RACISTS are not hugely upset about this!

i wonder how much longer i will be able to hide. i mean i wont be bitching for the next 4 years like These People hehehehe.

unrelated but i hadnt heard this yet, pretty funny

dunno just havent had A Win in 12 years hahahaha and this is a much bigger win hehehe. i mean this is huge election, very important in history…..and i was on the right side of it. the right side of history. i wont tell my children that i was some whining shitlib on suizid watch hehehe. i will say yes i was one of those strong proud free white men hehehe.  then i never got a white wife and never had white children cuz they went for the more alpha trump supporters, of which there are many hahaha.

WHITELASH HAHAHAHAHAHA

i remember in…..2006 or 07 i had this idea of “white backlash” like white people that were so threatened and fragile. remember i was still a stupid shitlib and voted for obongo in 2008, while also getting drunk all the time and thinking that whites oppressed everybody and were afraid of all nonwhites. and then demonized and victim blamed their victims. and did white flight and moved to white suburbs and bitched about how shitty blacks were.

thank GOD that by 2016 I changed my views and got on THE RIGHT SIDE OF HISTORY. hahahaha.

get ready for 8 years of WHITELASH and WHITESPLAINING.

HOPEFULLY the shitlibs whine and complain SO MUCH that eventually white people are like DAMN you people WHINE about WHITE PEOPLE so much,

COOL IT WITH THE ANTIWHITE REMARKS!!!!!!!!!!

thats kinda what set me on the path. nothing was good enough for these people. either you were antiwhite or you were part of the white problem. i was like, come on, white people arent THAT bad! cant i say one good thing about white people? white people ended black slavery. white people stopped hitler and ended your damn shoah. and its still not enough. because whites are the cancer of humanity, whites oppress everyone, whites are the worst. ok then.

that was a real thing for me in turning me. i just got sick of the antiwhite remarks. i dont hate anyone. i sorta even believe in white privilege. just…..stop bashing whites so damn much! jeez! we might be the cancer of the human race but were not that bad! i mean blacks, joos, and arabs are all pretty goddamn bad, we’re every bti as good as them hahahaha.

also becoming jq wise helped.

heh. this might help me get over That Woman.

I mean, its a YUGE thing, its a GREAT thing, a very POSITIVE thing.

getting a JOB would be another positive thing…….but thats been hard as fook. harder and longer than TRUMP going from a “joke” to GOD EMPEROR. DONT FOOK WITH US. THE SLEEPING GOY AWAKENS.

nov 10

dear god. try to use muh computer and turns out the fookin HARD DRIVE IS DEAD. well at least pretty sure it is. never had that happen before. it was making weird beeping noise. well, it turned on initially, then “disk” (not cpu!) was at 99%, so i tried to restart, ended up doing hard power off. then it wouldnt turn back on. gave error message about cant boot or something, check boot order, it basically was not being recognized. and it was beeping. for a few months before it has been clicking, i guess thats not good.

watched a few youtube videos, one showed that you could temporarily fix this by removing the hard drive and battery, then “reseating” them. I carefully found the hard drive (not difficult) and pulled it out (little moar tricky because didnt know if i was doing it right or breaking it). took it out, looked at it like a monkey, looked at the connections, looked at the label, blew on the connectors like a nintendo cartridge, tried to turn it back on, and same old shit. still beeping. cant get to windows. cant get to anything.

ended up making a Quick Decision. i need muh damn laptop!!!!! it is absolutely essential for jobz.

using previous laptop which is 4 times slower but the hard drive still works! its worked for 4 years and the new laptop hard drive only worked for 1 and a half! DISGRACEFUL!!!!!!

warranty was over after 1 year. figures.

who even KNOWS if it IS the hard drive? I am taking a gamble here.

but seriously folks. this old computer. its shameful that i let muh family use something that is SO SLOW. I just spent some money to buy some more ram for it. it still wont be fast but right now its so slow you cant even use it. you gotta turn off the antivirus just to type in blogs hahahaha.

basically can only have 3 tabs open. 2 gigs of ram. disgraceful. i cant LET my FAMILY use this! but they havent really complained about it. oh well. do the right thing. the hard drive is good at least.

anyway. went way over on cals yesterday, but stayed in the limit today. good. did 10 pushups today, good. only 2.2 miles of walking, meh.

went so far over the cals yesterday, absolutely obscene.

losing weight is 90% diet (what you eat) and 10% exercise.

fookin hard drive. i like the computer, just ridiculous the hard drive failed.

what if it didnt fail. what if it was…….the hard drive connector that is built into the motherboard. im assuming. i really dont like computers. i am just above average amerifat at working with them. good enough to make 15 an hour at a computer job…………..that is horribly stressful and involves being thrown into situations where you have to fix and explain shit where you have no idea what youre doing, being slammed by impatient and angry people ALL DAY EVERY DAY.

is that really worth 15 an hour?

had a dream last night that did not have HER, but it was like i was hanging out with people and we were doing a scavenger hunt and we went to a bowling alley i think and the instruction was, find the thing in here that reminds you of That Woman. There is one specific thing here that is a blatant reference to Her, if you really know her.

then i got all mad and was like you dont know her! you dont know her! all you people think she is so great but she’s not that great. i dont want to play this stupid game any more. she broke my heart. shes not some angel. i dont want to hear you saying how great and awesome she is. shes not THAT awesome.

so i was all butthurt. and everyone was like oh. well. sorrrrrrrrry. so you dont like her. youre a weirdo anyway. she prob had a good reason to dump you. she’s still a great awesome person.

then there was a woman with pink hair who may or may not have been her. i guess the idea was, i havent seen her in 2 years, and i wouldnt recognize her, ESPECIALLY if she got pink hair.  the pink hair girl was only in the dream for 2 seconds.

so then today i was slightly sad because i was like, wow, at one time we had a really good thing. and it went SO bad. i never wanted to hurt her, and i never wanted her to become so disappointed in me. she was a good influence in muh life, and her thinking of me as a horrible bad influence was HORRIBLE for my self esteem hahaha. you dont have to like me back, just dont think im a horrible person. i cant handle YOU thinking im a horrible person. that k’s me.

so yeah. when you lose a great person, and they treat you like you are a monster, its a lot harder than if you lost a shitty person, or they didnt treat you like a monster, because now you blame yourself so hard for pushing Your Perfect Soulmate out of your life and you have no one to blame but yourself.

but people ruin their own lives all the time!!!!!!! and they SHOULD blame themselves!

and people DO push people away ALL THE TIME!!! they abuse their longsuffering wife who rightfully leaves them!

so naturally i think i am one of those bad horrible people.

but im really NOT, but its hard to stop those thoughts.

so thats the hardest thing.

well it would prob be harder if we were ACTUALLY “dating” and i pushed her away from THAT. cuz i would have lost even MORE. and then i would have loathed muh self even MORE.

when really yeah i mean i was awkward and cowardly and WEAK.  but i wasnt waiting in the wings with ulterior motives like a nice guy. which is enough to legit rightfully drive a person away. and i hate that she thinks I am like that. but i can see how she could. but i hate that a person i care about things so low of me and she is gonna live with that memory of me forever. when im not really THAT BAD. and she was a great person i wanted to have children with hahahahahaha. a good white wife. and now i gotta find another one. that i have actual real feelings for. and not some thot hahahahaha. thot genocide.

but yeah whatever. i lost a very very very important person to me and they hate me and will remember me wrongly forever. no big deal. you can easily replace all that. hahahaha.

all these idiots think trump is FULL OF HATE. wheres the HATE i ask? how is he HATEFUL?

how is he a BIGOT?

you will hear HATEFUL or BIGOT whenever these losers start talking. they are even bigger losers than I am. at least i am not ashamed of being white hahahaha. but i am ahsamed of being a weak loser who loses more than leftist shitlib antiwhite antiracist swpls hahahaha.

what if this new hard drive does not fix the computer?

i also had to buy an acer windows recovery disc from acer so i can reinstall windows. because microsoft, saw muh activation key, said nope you gotta go to the manufacturer for this one. put in serial number at acer, i am kindly allowed to buy one disc forever for 20 bucks. no downloads hahaha.  there are grammar and spelling mistakes on the acer website. i should have not gotten an acer. fook them. the refurbished dell inspiron…..sorry latitude is a more solid computer.

and oops i ordered the same brand of hard drive that was in there. didnt really shop around for hard drives.  seagate brand. well it had a good rating at newegg.

well well see. if it doesnt work then i just totally wasted 60 bucks and then next thing will prob be drop even MOAR money on a totally new comp. sheeeeeeeeeeit.

well ghoul from TRS has revealed his RL face, kind of a big thing. he is starting a new show on youtube. i was shocked at how handsome and normie chad he looks like. i figured he would be an ugly autist from the way he talks. all awkward autistic. but noooo. he looks like a healthy fashy handsome spencelerian white ubermensch. GREAT.

however it kinda made me like him more.

but also made me envious.

on 30 minutes in the oven, they interviewed ghoul once and hes like, its really not that hard to find a good woman, you can find one in a BAR, you just gotta put yourself out there, talk to people, show initiative, be a somewhat interesting guy.

easy for you to say, handsome chad!

but yeah just from the awkward way he talked, and the fact that hes doing a philosophy phd (i think), i figured he would be a huge virgin. but NOOOOOOO he prob has a good gf.

well good for him i guess. but its a hell of a lot harder for some of us. or, we finally DO, and they leave us because we are horrible and weak and push them away by being too needy hahaha.

 

 

 

THE SEVEN WEEK ITCH

oct 19

welp got 2 interview invites in 1 day, bringing muh average “up” to 1/19 hahahaha. 1 interview for every 19 apps. better than target of 1 out of 20 hahahahaha.

1 for IT Quality Assurance at healthcare place, that might be good. i dont have QA experience but i wish i did and I am fundamentally committed to the idea of quality! hahahaha.

and then interview for part time city job which i would like to get.

ok, this time, DONT TELL THE SECOND PLACE THAT THEY ARE SECOND PLACE!!!!

meaning, DONT be “up front” or “transparent” that I am interview with place xyz and that if they offer me the job, i have to take it!

my previous thought was, this makes me not look desperate. like i am a man with options. this might work with women, but not sure about Jobs. Jobs might only want you if THEY are your FIRST choice. by saying you’d take another job, you’re telling them they are not your first choice. therefore they wont pick you.

so, 2 interviews next week. and now up to 25 interviews, 479 apps. i was shooting for 25 and 500, so, even better.

25 interviews was kinda my Magic Number tho. like THERES NO WAY I wont get a job after 25 interviews.

course thats what I said about 20!

WELL, some of these things werent really INTERVIEWS tho. I added .5 for Testing Sessions and Phone Interviews.

well a phone interview is kinda an interview right? its at LEAST TWICE as stressful as taking a test right? so i really should count phone interviews for 1 instead of .5.

 

hehehehe i did not really get HEADDESK FACEPALM issues like this, i kinda wish i did, because then they would be EASY and I could EASILY BLAME the Stupid Idiot Luser and be CONFIDENT that I was right and knew what i was doing. When in reality i would get WEIRD shit and think, DAMN, I know even LESS than the User! I have no idea what this thing they’re using even is! I have to fix a tool they’re using which I’ve never seen or heard of before!

go to tales from tech support and read all the Long and especially Extra Long stories. that is kind of what our stuff was like hahahaha. Extra Long.

I am closer to these shockingly idiot Users than I am to Tech Support! so why am i am WORKING for tech support! i empathize and sympathize wiht the Lusers too much!

DOGSBODY. this is def a british people word, for “administrative assistant” or “secretary” or “factotum” or person who does the shit jobs noone else wants to do. slave, lackey, minion, grunt, monkey, meat.

a Half Day Shadow is more than enough to fully train you for everything in your job! Thank You Sir for the PRivilege of a Half Day Shadow!

2 interview invites in 1 day, thats gotta count for something right. so to celebrate, think i will only apply to 1 job (baby step), then do 10 pushups (baby step), then do a 1 hour powerwalk (kind of a baby step hahahaha), listen to new fatherland episode (not a baby step but a full pleasure, very comfy, like cuddling a QT or smokin a big MMJ hahahaha)

it is VERY frustrating when you apply for a job, then see the cover letter you used, and see that it has a mistake in it: misspelling, wrong company, wrong position title, some sort of error. and then you think, theres GOT to be ones i’m NOT catching. and i’ve caught at least 2 or 3 in the past 100 or so.

sheeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeit.

 

 

like these tales from reddits

 

how to train your call centre dogsbodies

 

she has only ever been with OP, and the 2nd guy she fooked was this “gay guy” she fooked when fooked up one night. cheating on the OP.  now gf is crawling back and saying pls forgive me, take me back, you can fook other gurls, pls just take me back. OP has a bad feeling and doesnt really want to. i would probably say I FORGIVE YOU BABEY bla bla bal and then she would cheat on me again and give me aids hahahaah. grids.

once a cheater, always a cheater!

NOT EVEN ONCE!

So if I made it 30+ years without cheating “EVEN ONCE”…..uh i kinda want to STAY that way! and i also want a woman for muh wife who has never cheated even once.

 

 

heh this is what i dont like about reddit. they think the father is a horrible bigot because he doesnt want his 20 year old white daughter taking the BBC. well, i guess they could be jooish, here’s a situation where joos would call themselves white.

and she is JUST FINDING OUT her father is “racist.” because he has black friends and hasnt given any indication that hes a HORRIBLE BIGOT until his 20 yo daughter brings home a black silverback!

and all the reddit scum agree, oh yes, he’s a horrible person.

 

gf dumped guy, broke his poor heart, now is upgrading to a better man, and dumped boifran continues to torture and blame himself. yeah this sucks. its better when they downgrade to a shittier man…..but many times they dont hahahaha.  YOU are the shittier man because youre a big loser in life.

it just sucks when they Move On so QUICKLY and yeah i would like to see reddit shame the xgf for that. like you cant take more than a few weeks to be single and Process the Dead Rel? you IMMEDIATELY go out and find someone WAY better? at least accept that that is gonna do a NUMBER on this sad sack guy!

well at least he’s young and near to finishing an engin degree so the odds are in his favor of getting a good job with that.

i might just RESPOND on this thread because hes not getting enough sympathy!!!!!

yeah i responded with a rambling, incoherent, autistic thing. see if you can find it hahahahahahaha.

guy gets feelings for his close female friend. she doesnt feel the same way. he doesnt know what to do. they work together. but she doesnt HATE him for it and they still talk and she prob wants to be friends. well he is way more successful than me and younger than me hahahahaha. so i say just make money and bang bitches and put her on the SUPER back burner.

 

when she LITERALLY TELLS YOU she wants to “put you on the shelf” and fook other guys, DUMP HER!!!!!!! not ok!!!!!!

/r/relships is good in that there is a lot of input, some of it good.

/r/anxiety and /r/depression are both GODAWFUL because there are 10% of the posts here, and they are not very high quality. /r/relships always tells you go to therapy, and its just funny. they REALLY need therapy on anx and dep.  i mean, there is terrible/no advice on these. nothing actually useful. just yep i want to K muh self too, its hopeless, the end.

at least on relships they TRY. and the women give shitty annoying advice but half of the women TRY, and 75% of the men TRY.

THIRSTY. MEN ARE NATURALLY THIRSTY.

80% of men DONT REPRODUCE. 80% of men cant get a woman. 80% of men have been celibate for 2 years or longer. of COURSE most 80% of men are “THIRSTY” hahahahahahaha.

but you see what im saying. most men dont have any OPTIONS they can CHOOSE from. BEGGARS cant be CHOOSERS. BEGGARS are THIRSTY. its not BAD for them to be thirsty. dont THIRST SHAME them!

dont THIRST SHAME a man whose been crawling in the desert for 10 years!

in fact, to continue with this thirst metaphor, thirst is not inherently bad! it means you’re suffering because you’re not getting something you NEED!

so the proper response is, dont SHAME them, say oh noes, THIS MAN IS DYING OF THIRST! HE NEEDS SOME WATER STAT!!!!!!!!!!!!

now its not anyones JOB to do that for him….but his own skills may well be weakened. compromised.

so i should just go to a hooker is what you’re saying?

well i would much rather go to a FWB.

oct 20

sheeeeeeeeeeeeeeeit. interesting scenario, go to my usual social event and a new gurl is there, about 25 years old, white, very qt, friend of acquaintance of mine, so i figure thats fine, hes got DIBS on her if he wants, but i’m not entirely sure what his motives are, but if i think she is QT he prob does too!

she seems not super obnoxious or bitchy in personality, but also lets slip some potential huge baggage, like fam members dying of drugs, possibly crazy x bf’s, lots of male friends, possibly dated a black guy, or a guy with a REALLY black sounding name lets just say. who knows how many abortions, how manny cox.

and yet i found myself attracted to her, like wow what a qt, i dont care if she’s crazy, i dont care if she had a black boifran, i dont care if she’s been with about 10 guys by age 25, i just care that shes qt and doesnt have any children. and if she were showing me interest right now, i would like that a lot and i would get over That Woman a lot faster.

and then i felt ashamed and inferior because my social skills are pretty bad, i cannot keep up with banter with the normies, i dont hang out and go to the bar or bowling with the normies, and i have terrible Game and cannot Talk To Women, and thought “i have nothing to talk about with this woman. she has quickly written me off as the most boring guy ever. by age 25 women dont want to waste time with BORING, quiet, awkward guys.”

my excuse was, i just assumed the other guy had “DIBS” on her and I was happy to respect that. but if he DIDNT, and was just looking for a Degen FWB, which is actually very possible, and it’s Open Season, then yeah my game was horrible omega vrigin neet style.

so that made me not feel so confident. like a failure with women.

and also just felt like a failure socially in general cuz my normie acquaintances go out to bar and bowling together, even if they have to Work the next morning, and I am just realy awkward abotu hanging out. I cant contribute to the hilarious banter very smoothly and i do not show tonnes of interest in hanging out, HOWEVER these are decent people and it would be GOOD for me to hang out more, socialize, with decent people.

i mean i do try to be nice and try to act normie, but i just can’t keep up with the stream of constant banter. its not even ball busting banter, but just making jokes like a well adjusted normie. nothing mean spirited or douche baggy, like i say, these are decent positive people.

so yeah a bit of double whammy socially last night hahaha: i am terrible with women, i am terrible with people.

i thought of how high this gurls number would have to be to be a dealbreaker. probably 10, i thought. she can come in under 10 at age 25 right? thats not asking too much?

but what about the fooked up family? was she molested? ever raeped? was there really black guys she fooked? how many black guys? how many white guys hahahaha. is she a cheater? abortions? how many fwb’s? hows your father?

and you cant really ask ANY of these questions as small talk hahahahahahahaha but she did let some pretty big hints slip, and she wasnt even talking to me!

OCCAMS RAZOR sez, I just wanted to bang her because she was a young qt, fit my A E S T H E T I C pretty well as a pale skinned, long haired semi “alternative” gurl, who does MJ and is not a huge social butterfly. Chill Cool Gurl. and then i thought DAMN I would like to DO her, but I would ALSO like cuddling with her, and making out with her, and trying the nice sweet GFE with her.

WITHOUT EVEN KNOWING IF SHE WAS GFE AT ALL!

Basically if the woman is even close to my “type” physically, I will want to try the GFE with her. meaning, potential for FEELINGS.

so it was nice knowing that i could very likely get Real, True feelings for a woman again, AND also lower my unrealistically high standards: been with less than 10 guys AND no black guys AND no abortions AND no cheating AND no fooked up family AND no kids AND 25-27 yo AND 6.8/10 hahahahaha.

sheeeeeeit she MIGHT have children, she just didnt say anything about that. i guess having children is the REAL dealbreaker. she could be a huge mudshark slut for all I care.

well of COURSHE these things would have SERIOUS implications in a serious LTR, but uhhhh ive never gotten that far before. i guess i would gladly take the GFE for 3 months until i get dumped by a mudshark slut for being too clingy hahahahaha.

ok a 25m complaining about his 19 yo gf that she is immature and bad communicator. so why doesnt she just dump him hahaha.

WELL, my question is, HOW MUCH maturity should you EXPECT out of a 25 year old WOMAN?

i hate this, well, you can only be SO MATURE at such and such an age. people dont MATURE till age 40.

heres the thing hehehe: 25 is in a real gray area here. we can all agree that 20 is immature, 30 is mature. so what does that make 25 then? it could go both ways obviously.

ALSO, its not like this GF is running away from her older BF. she is posting on reddit in a way to Try To Help.

anyway. the good the bad and the ugly.

the GOOD thing about “meeting” this new woman yesterday (i had actually met her once before like 9 months ago?) is that it taught me that I AM capable of getting feelings for a woman in the future. that is not THAT woman hahaha.

the bad and the ugly, well we just went over all that above. really it might be ALL TOO EASY for me to get feelings for a BAD woman! like this new woman has red and yellow flags pointing to dumpster fire, but here I am wanting to do GFE with her! Rough Secs sure, but also tender secs and tender cuddling and dating!

basically you want to be nice to the young qt woman and have her be nice back to you, EVEN IF she is the biggest dumpster fire in the history of the world! you will put on the rose colored glasses and just IGNORE everything in favor of you FANTASY! you will WILLINGLY DELUDE YOURSELF!!!!!

and that is EXACTLY what I did for That Woman!!!!!!!! I willingly bought into a FANTASY so much that I thought the fantasy was reality!!!!!!!

this can happen when you are lonely and desperate and thirsty and you have a female friend who is 25, qt, no children, and somewhat nice. BOOM. ALL OVER.

well this got muh confidence back up, i just got TWO MORE INTERVIEWS today.

TWO INTERVIEWS PER DAY FOR TWO DAYS IN A ROW.

THAT is TRULY UNPRECEDENTLY.

FOUR INTERVIEWS IN TWO DAYS.

This is the biggest thing since actually DOING two interviews in one day. (although that sucked. here im talking about the INVITATION to interview. which does NOT suck hahahaha.)

which brings MUH NUMBER up to 27!!!!! HORRY SHEET!!!!!

so yeah good pipeline.

the two i got today are: one from “bank”, HR woman called me and said well you didnt get the tech job (i knew this) but they were offering ANOTHER interview for me that i had applied to in april, didnt get anything for, they reposted it, and then HR called me and said i didnt even need to apply again, they would just give me an interview. so yeah i was really impressed by this HR woman. well she DOES have a masters degree. i mean i generally get a very solid respectable culture vibe from this company, i like it. it is refreshing.

next interview was at my old old employer, now this is a PT job, not super enthused about this one, but this place i associate with good easy PT jobs, albeit low paying and no more than 25 hours a week tops, but its close, and easy.

but i would take the higher paying PT job from this other place i am interviewing next wed.

applied for 1 job today when i was interrupted in that by the two phone calls. hehehehe.

so when i get secsual feelings for a woman, its VERY EASILY extrapolated to “romantic” feelings. for me there is not a huge disconnect between secs and romance. which i think is the old school, natural, traditional, nondegen way to be! what GOD has made one, man should not separate!

ok. wewlad all these interviews and phone calls.

i think its ok to say i have interviews to the other employers. just dont say, well this other place is my first choice. but its PERFECTLY FINE and a good move to say, oh i cant meet you on that day, I HAVE ANOTHER INTERVIEW.

course now that i have SAILED past 25, maybe that is GAAAAAAWWWWWWD telling me that I actually need to get to 30 interviews, not 25.

but 25 is a much better number than 30!

really 33 or 34 is a better number than darn 30.

just know that chill, introverted, quiet, nonobnoxious women STILL have 60000000000000000000000 guy friends because men have to do all the Heavy Lifting of being Charismatic, Interesting, Initiative, Drivers Seat, etc. a woman doesnt have to do anything to have 60000000000000000000000000 except RESPOND to texts.

she can be kinda plain, a 6.6/10, as long as she is 25 and no kids, she will have NO SHORTAGE of Male Friends, and from them, and ENDLESS SUPPLY of potential suitors, fook buddies, whatever she wants.

im not saying this is wrong or bad, i just get BUTTHURT when i see women taking that for GRANTED. that i DO get butthurt about.

also its ANNOYING when women complain about their BF’s getting JELOUS and CONTROLLING because they are upset the gf has 600000000000000 male friends. but then the women complain when the bf has female friends, or, even more interesting, a female “BEST FRIEND.”

YOU SHOULDNT HAVE A “BEST FRIEND” OF THE OPPOSITE SEX. THAT IS EMOTIONALLY CHEATING ON YOUR BF.

or gf or whatever.

ideally, you would be single and available, and make your opposite sex Best Friend your actual Boifran. because best friend implies  closeness, intimacy, emotional connection that really MUDDIES THE WATERS when it is across Gender Lines. one person ALWAYS WANTS MORE hehehehe.

http://www.livescience.com/5031-hypermiling-driving-tricks-stretch-miles-gallon.html

heh. this is me. i would rather drive at 30 mph everywhere than stop at lights hahahahaha.

HYPERMILING hehehehe

i am not as obsessive about fuel efficiency, i just hate stopping at lights hahaha.

bbbbbut i still feel bad about being so PUSHY to her that she BLOCKED me.

bbbbbut i thought she didnt have to BLOCK me, she could have TALKED to me THEN blocked me.

bbbbbbut maybe im underestimating what a HORRIBLE CREEP NARCISSIST WOMAN HATER SCARY BABY I’m being!

ken bone said “i saw jennifer lawrences butt hole, and I liked it” on reddit hahahahaha.

i bet he did! i bet I would too! and any red blooded man!

i think i briefly looked at some of those pictures but not very long and dont remember a BHole pic, which is especially titillating.

then you think of your version of That Woman and how men have photos of HER BHole on THEIR phone. and women think all these guys just DELETE these pictures once they are done fooking. COME ON.

and i never even made out with her, or cuddled with her, or spent enough time with her, or got her to make an effort for me. show ME her BHole and gush jooice all over muh D. which she does for every tyrone and rodney and dontravius.

and i hate how i was so stupid and omega and weak and pushy that i Pushed her to this. i became what women hate the most: a spineless, supplicating orbiter, not even worthy of a courtesy text before Blocking.

well at least i didnt stalk her and Hound her afterwards. yeah i sent her emails. EMAILS. big deal. yeah they were long but she prob didnt even read them. might have just BLOCKED them.

what if your GF accuses you of being abusive, gaslighting, controlling, manipulating, a horrible person, but you dont think you are those things, but you do know you are a little jealous, clingy, needy, which maybe leads to some semi-controlling things, but not what you would call abusive or manipulative or gaslighting?

never teach women these words because they will use them against you hahahahaha. stop GASLIGHTING me! she’ll say, when you are calling her out for something genuinely ridiculous.

tyrone and leroy and rodney dont GASLIGHT me! they fook me HARD and take pictures of muh BHole and I like it!

also these women will be thrown for a LOOP when they see how WILLING I am to go to counseling with them. oh you think im controlling? well ok lets go to a shrink right now to fix this, unless youd rather walk away!

and then they would probably walk away, and spend a year trying to beg dontravius to go to a counselor hahahaha.

also women can CONVERT a male friend to a Lover at least 100 times more easily than a man can convert a female friend to a lover. AND THATS A DAMN FACT!!!!!

and i am NOT just talking about the other FACT that women have many MORE male friends than men have female friends. but controlling for this factor. because im very CONTROLLING hahahahaha.

 

ex gf returns 5 years later to apologize, make better closure, now ex bf is obsessing about her again, then she says lets go NC, and he is all confused and in luv with her again.

this is exactly why you go NC in the first place. while trying to have mature communication and get as much “CLOSURE” as you can at the time. you have like a 1 month window to get closure, then its over. NC 4 LYFE. Till Death.

heh. took some nyquil for the first time in a while. a whole dose. which will prob lead to “hangover” tomorrow.

well thing to remember is nyquil makes you dehydrated so you should drink A LOT of water right after taking it.

yeah i would still rather smoke MJ, but, really wouldnt want to do that with FOUR interviews coming up hehehehehe.

heheheh now thinking about getting a PO box for a few months just so i can have MMJ correspondence sent there. then i can always cancel it after like 2 or 3 months.

can get a small po box for 3 months for 20-25 bucks. this would be worf it to me hahahaha.

 

he is right to be suspicious! also he is too trusting of HER hehehehe.  so of course now HE is the one with “TRUST ISSUES.” what a bunch of manhaters hahaha.

 

interesting read hehehehe cuz yeah you can get an idea how they run their business by their priorities and the decisions they make in fixing problems. bandaids, fires, short term vs long term focus, etc.

heres a good one. i am still not sure whats going on. yet its my job to tell albert that this is the only workaround. also i dont have a manager who is approving me to escalate it to engineering. and albert would instead argue with me, well why CANT a patch fix it? why does it HAVE to be a full upgrade? and i would say I dont know, I can’t explain it to you, and I can’t transfer you to the guy who is telling me it CANT BE DONE.

but honestly, isnt that case a little CONFUSING? and you need to solve it in 20 minutes? every 20 minutes, a new weird case like this, all day, every day?

even the comments just make stupid jokes about vladimir without trying to clairfy the salty snacks patch business.

anyway. i just want to know if i did something really horrible to a person, or not. because i dont want to do horrible things to people! damn!

i really dont think i did! but i also dont trust my judgment, esp on relships!

but still. i dont think i did something horrible evil.

but it WAS a CLUSTERFOOK of a situation that would take AT LEAST a year to even START to make ANY progress. just being close to something THAT clusterfooky is bad.

i mean i dont WANT to be a horrible person! I WANT TO BE A GOOD PERSON!!! PRINCIPLED!!!!!!!!

though WOMEN think I am a horrible person, IM REALLY NOT A HORRIBLE PERSON? OR AM I?

WELL I REALLY DONT WANT TO BE!!!!!!!

im not as bothered by this as all this shouting makes it seem. although i certainly WAS!

right now i am just zoned out on nyquil. kinda bored tbh but too lazy to do anything. if i had MJ i would totes do it. lots of it. just waiting to go to bed tbh.

so right now i am more worried about the job situation than i am about that woman, and also some worrying about All Women In General, and generalizing TOO MUCH from That Woman To All Women, and i should NOT do that.

Not All Women Are Like That Woman!!!!!!!!!!1

and that woman wasnt even that BAD. but it was just that one thing that i didnt like. well not all women will do that one thing. namely dump you without a word, just a straight blocking.

oct 21

ok next day after full dose of nyquil. not a bad “hangover” at all. better than expected. and lemme make clear, the worst nyquil hangover is way better than the best alcohol hangover!

it is just IMPOSSIBLE to be Confident Around Women (and to a lesser extent, men) when you are a Jobless Bum!!!!!!!!

well maria bartiromo is like 50 years old and i would GLADLY bang the shit out of her and her huge probably fake tits. and i dont normally even pay attention to tits hahahahaha. i am much more of a legs/ass/hips man.

i mean her i wouldnt get any delusions or fantasies about the GFE because she is an Old Hag. i guess this si the ideal type of women to have for FWB. but tbh less than 1% of 50 year old women look nearly as good as her.

i dunno. i just hate having to explain to angry customers why we cant do this, when i dont understand why we cant do this. and i dont know if they are just being a bad customer, or my company is being a bad company. or really both are shitty, but whos worse. SHOULD the company be screwing THIS customer in THIS case.

finally passed the 2 thousand dollars of Work amount, which really is not a lot. in terms of Hours Of Work on muh job search, times 12 dollars an hour. i have only done 168 hours of actual work on the job search. which is DISGRACEFUL hahahahaha.

good lord. i dont ever want to become this blind hhahaha. its like she doesnt even realize CHEATING is horribly bad!

and this is the guys WIFE of SEVEN years. DAMN. maybe that is the “7 year itch.” shit i dunno. i never made it to seven MONTHS. technically, not even seven WEEKS.

bitches get the seven WEEK itch with me, hahahahahahahahaha.

the seven DAY itch, 7 HOUR itch more like it, amirite. can only keep a womans interest for 7 hours. great job. hahahaha.

i’m not THAT uninteresting! if women cared about IMPORTANT things, theyd see i was VERY interesting!

but then again, a woman who is too interested in politics is inherently crazy!

well, what about a woman who is super interested in MORALITY??!?!?!?!

yeah i would be ok with that. that would be great. because then she would be very interested in not being a dirty whore or cheater. yes.

and if she’s crazy…..well ALL women are CRAZY, just give me the ones that are MORAL. as long as their craziness doesnt compromise their MORALITY and make them behave immorally, like cheating, abandoning, or being a slut. then give me crazy moral all day erryday 4 lyfe.

shit who cares. as long as they are moral to me. shit go ahead and cheat on me, just dont dump me hahahahaha. work out a DEAL with me to dump me in a way that i can handle. like negotiating a payment plan.  to wean me off of you. and give me a pound of MJ too.

was reading city-data forums today. people in my region talking about getting a college degree and making 50k in their mid twenties. now im 30 and make 60k without a masters degree. i just had to have a good work ethic and work 70 to 80 hours a week for the first few years to pay my dues.

heh thing is, i dont want to work 80 hours a week to pay my dues.  would just as soon go crazy and quit!!!!!!!

why cant you jusy pay your dues at 40-50 hours a week?

how do people handle this?

i KNOW that having a qt waifu would help take the edge off, as would a steady source of MJ.

you can have another boifran, even a black one, just let me have my fantasy, dont talk about him, and hang out with me 1 or 2 times a week. and dont give me any diseases. and when you cut me off lets work out a cutting off PLAN.

i was doing a 3.2 mile powerwalk and about 1.5 miles from muh home I found, on the ground, a little canister for MMJ. horree sheet. it was broken and there was nothing in it OF COURSHE, but i just thought it was funny, considering muh obsession with getting a MMJ card and ultimately, a neverending supply of MMJ, and I would not throw my canisters on the side of the road like a negro.

maybe I should have Scraped the Canister for some Kief Krystals hahahahahahahahaha.

heh i dont necessarily think women would CHEAT on me with their male friends, but i WOULD totally worry that they, social butterflies that they are, always meeting interesting hot new guys, that they would find a guy that is better in the Mate Market than me, and then dump me for him.

i mean thats BETTER than CHEATING, but I really do HATE being DUMPED. replaced. traded in for an UPGRADE. really i cant imagine cheating being much worse. i mean the shit is probably gonna end anyway. might as well get as much time wiht the woman as you can.

yeah but she could give you a disease. and really cheating IS worse than dumping. why would you want to spend another minute with someone so immoral.

well maybe if someone cheats on you, its easier for you to HATE them, therefore easier to GET OVER them, because it’s much easier to BLAME them for doing smething OBVIOUSLY HORRIBLE. where dumping is not really horrible at all. you cant really HATE someone for dumping you. theyre not really WRONGING you. in the way that cheating is.

 

what a fooking dumb idiot slut. guy point blank tells her he doesnt like just secs without dating, she wants “just secs” from her “CRUSH” no less. I thought CRUSH meant you LIKED the person and wanted to DATE them. which is clearly what HE wants to do. i would like to think a 22 year old could be more mature than this. than a big slutty BABY.

https://www.reddit.com/r/niceguys/

OH GODDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDD

sluts who fook chads and hate niceguys make fun of and mainly talk about how evil and rapey and creepy niceguys are, and how its so much better when chad nuts in their eye hahahahaha.

what i never got is, why do YOU LIKE treating people as a DOORMAT?

if someone were throwing themselves under my feet and wanting me to be a doormat, i mean it wouldnt even work, because IM NOT WILLING TO WALK ON ANOTHER PERSON!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

IN ORDER TO BE A DOORMAT, THE WOMAN HAS TO BE WILLING TO WALK ON YOU!!!!!!!

i would say listen, stop being a doormat, Im not gonna walk on you.

no im not the worst niceguy ever, but i have some niceguy tendencies, and i can sympathize with some niceguys.

I mean honestly i would never say these things, i stopped saying woe is me, nice guys finish last, yeaaarrrrrssssss ago, so i am thankful for that. but i am still a meek timid nice guy. i know GOD DAMN ALL TOO FOOKING WELL that it doesnt entitle me to anything and that it is THE SHITTIEST, WORST strategy ever, and that women HATE nice guys.

i mean i wish they didnt hahahahahahahaha. stupid bitches and whores hahahaha.

apparently referring to women as “females” is telltale nice guy, means you treat them as a separate, unknowable species. dead giveaway.

i mean i very rarely use this term, i just say women to mean the same thing, a seaparate, stupid, slutty, species hahahaha.

anyway yeah what made things difficult with That Woman is that i DID know her, it WASNT a fantasy, i got to know her, knew the real her for 2.7 years. its not like i just MET her and immediately projected my fantasy waifu all over her. (which i have done with other women.) when i first met That Woman I wasnt projecting ANYTHING on her. i didnt even really THINK about her that much.  i just said well she seems like a nice gurl with a hard life, she deserves a good man, but i just cant be that man. oh shes got a boifran? well hope hes a good guy and they get married. oh theyre having trouble? well i hope they figure it out. then i meet him. oh he is a good guy, just a little autistic and stubborn. they can still work this out if he wants to. he doesnt want to. he’s done. he’s gone now. now ive known her for almost 2 years. jeez maybe i DO want to be a Good Guy 4 U. and if shes just gonna give it away to negros, why not me? yeah thats a little ENTITLED sure, but i didnt really feel entitled to her Dating me, as much as i felt ENTITLED to her ending the Rel in a more Sensitive way hahahaha. i never called her a fooking bitch to her face like these nice guys do.

yeah i mean the nice guys are cringeworthy, but these WOMEN dont need to HATE them so much. I REALLY doubt any of these nice guys would be Monstrous Abusers. shit, they cant even get a woman TO abuse hahahahaha.

if anything, CHAD would be somewhat more likely to be an abuser, IMHO!!!!!

I mean at least half of Chads are Good Guys anyway. to coin a term in contrast to “nice guys.” so then what do we call ACTUALLY nice guys? i say we call them “good guys”. i mean shit i still call them “nice guys” but then bitches like this subreddit think im talking about the bad kind of nice guys.

but yeah if a guy starts throwing him at your feet and saying WALK ON ME! IM A DOORMAT!!! that doesnt mean you HAVE to do it! i would say, stand the hell up, i dont walk on anybody.

 

 

 

THE 40 YEAR OLD NEET

oct 8

so the left and hillary and cuckolds are so disgusted by what trump said about “WOMEN”, as if he is endorsing Raep, telling men to go out and grab and force themselves on women, msnbc literally called him a “SEX CRIMINAL”, wen the point is, there are women, many women in the world for which this talk is accurate. sluts that give it up easy and allow themselves to be treated like meat, and on some level they enjoy it. short term gurls. sluts. not the type of gurls you bring home, not the type of gurls you invest in or marry or make the mother of your children. funtime gurls. these are the type of women trump is talking about, not ALL WOMEN. there are basically TWO types of women, hahahaha. the madonna and the whore hahahahahahaha.

well this is WRONG, we have to accept that all women have BOTH the madonna and the whore combined. that the same woman who likes being Grabbed By The Pvssy by Rich Powerful Men (or pushy negroes) is the SAME woman you need to have your children.

come on. do you REALLY think trump raised his DAUGHTER to be one of THOSE gurls??? does he want his daughters to be grabbed by the pvssy? no! he didnt raise those kind of daughters. and look at his children, all his damn children, they are wholesome as fook, well except his daughter married a joo. that might be a little better than being a disgraceful whore though. i mean she can always divorce the joo, or renounce jooishness. you cant renounce 40 cox you took in your whore past.

best song ever hahahahaha.

it hit me in feb 2015 during a very low and stressful point. my confidence was about as low as it is now, but my stress level was much higher as i was working terrible job. confidence was low because essentially muh rel with the woman Had Ended. She was DONE but i didnt realize it yet, i kept trying to hang out with her. talk to her. not realizing how DONE she was. not wanting her to be done. obviously. so at the end of long horrible days i would get blazed and listen to THIS SONG repeatedly and it actually calmed me down.  it was a truly positive memory. smokin spliffs and listening to this song. i remember that ritual fondly, even as it occurred in the middle of a pretty bad time.

i guess that is how much i enjoy degen negro MJ hahaha.

now i am glad to be rid of all that damn stress, but my confidence is just as low, or lower, because it sucks to be thrown away like that, and it takes a long time to bounce back, and, just as important, is it REALLY wrecks the confidence to be a jobless bum loser who cant get a job and cant keep a job and is thrown away by a woman he loves who makes more money than him and now hes struggling like hell to get a damn job that makes way less than she does.  in the long run the long term joblessness is probably affecting muh confidence MORE than the shit with HER.

cuz it means i can be a basic normie and work like everyone else. everyone gets dumped and heartbroken….but everyone else also carries on and works like a normie.

its a sad thing when a woman crosses over from being a good woman to a bad woman. the two types of women. to see a woman Spoil like that, its very sad, right up there with Losing A Child, losing a family member, being abandoned, losing your Livelihood.

fasting today because i somehow overate two days this week. damn. cut muh weigh ins to once a week, saturday afternoon, and today saw that i was EXACTLY THE SAME as last week. damn. prob cuz i had two cheat days in one week. and lemme tell ya folks, the cheat days dont feel like cheat days. its a damn struggle just to meet the goal.

stupid nyquil. i mean you just feel tired and low energy and kinda despairing and negative the next day, thats what i really dont like about it. wish i could just do MJ instead!

this was another big album for me when i was 17 or so, and by far MDB’s greatest album. the one two punch of “the crown of sympathy” and “turn loose the swans” near the END of the damn album is just brilliant and awesome. MDB would never even come close, which is kinda sad. 23 minutes of spine tingling musical perfection hehehehe and they  have been around longer than 23 YEARS hehehehe. more like 30 years. scary.

mixtape 2016 hahahaha

good thing i dont have a bitch to share this magical music with and take away my ability to enjoy it hehehehehahahaha.

ok “the cry of mankind” on their next album “the angel and the dark river” does come kinda close.

and then thats it folks, thats all the my dying bride you really need, sad to say.

good fathers dont raise gurls to become the TYPE of woman you just grab by the pvssy.

no NOT every woman has a little bit of this in her. but too many women do because they have been poisoned by our sick, degenerate, JOOISH culture which has been rammed down our throats since the SIXTIES.

for TWO OR THREE FULL GENERATIONS NOW. people MOTHERS and GRANDMOTHERS were degen sluts.

transilvanian hunger at .5 speed on youtube hahahahahaha. now they do pitch shift it so that sounds pretty weird.

dont marry some slut that likes it when men grab her by the pvssy like a slut.

there are two kinds of women in the world. those that would make good wives and mothers, and those that dont. which kind do you think trump was talking about. what kind of woman do you want to marry. what kind of woman do you want to raise your daughter to be. 

i cant put it any more plainly than that!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

i dont use question marks because these really arent questions.

funny. i remember a time BEFORE  i was in luv with her, and i thought clearly: you know, we get along great, and shes a great person, i really SHOULD be interested in her, but Im NOT. she would make a great wife and mother. maybe I should just FORCE myself to try to date her and see what happens. or make a PACT that if shes not married by 30, we can get married and have children, i mean I could do a LOT LOT LOTTTTTTTTTT worse, so WHAT if i dont feel a SPARK and im not in LUV with her.

and maybe I did “force” myself a little bit…….but when i did, it started an AVALANCHE, and the REAL TRUE LUV this avalanche unleashed was REAL AF and has taken 15 months to get over.

lesson: when i was being COMPLETELY LOGICAL about it, I logically saw that she was a good Mate for me and good wife and mother material. But I whined that I didnt have Special feeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeelings for her. So I tried to FORCE myself to have special feeeeeeelings for her…………..AND IT WORKED “BETTER” THAN I EVER EXPECTED.

what exactly did i do that was so effective? i dont even know. I just THOUGHT about it. really thought about what it would be like to make out with or fook her, rather than just say ew weird and STOP thinking about it. thinking about what it would be like to cuddle with her, which certainly was never as “weird.” thinking about some other guy fooking her helped a lot too hahahahahahaha. if he could, why couldnt i, hahahahahaha.

honestly this si not so complicated. when she was with her long term BF, i respected their relship and there was NO QUESTION to me that she was OFF LIMITS. when THAT ended, she was no longer off limits. and her getting into a short term, degenerate dating did nothing to change that. I will respect a 5 year rel, i wont respect a few months of “dating.” besides, that ended TOO.

trump wasnt talking about WOMEN you dumb cvnts, he was talking about SOME women, a certain KIND of woman, the kind you DONT want to marry or have kids with. the kind you have Netflix Chill Tinder FUN with.

all these women getting mad are the SAME women who have been Grabbed By The Pvssy by Strong Men……and they ENJOYED it. although they might have felt shame and regret later when the strong man dumped them.

marry women and raise daughters who DONT enjoy being grabbed by the pvssy. marry wives and raise women that would kick that man in the Ballz and then who would tell her husband or father, who would then knock that guy out with a solid punch to the face. the end.

or i guess the woman could do that too, or taze or pepper spray the guy.

like james bond says, i am a gentleman, but i’m not always a gentle man.

not sure if that was james bond. but it could have been.

now james bond was a degen who grabbed more than few women right in the pvssy, including nonwhite women. they guy was a damn near sex addict muh dick negro!

anyway did pretty much a 24 hour fast, then ate a huge dinner that i wanted to make special, got a order of Curry Noodle from thai place for the first time in at least 9 months. it was great. i ate the whole thing hahahahaha so that was probably more than my daily limit of 1200 calories, hahahaha.

well i measured it out and it was like 4 cups worth of rice noodles, ridic curry sauce, and chicken. turns out rice noodles do not have as many calories as i expected. less than 200 per cup.

i suppose there could be coconut milk in that curry sauce, and that stuff is pretty caloried.

if trump needs vouching for this women remark, and he SHOULDNT, i think his daughters could do a pretty good job of that.  i mean all his children are huge winners and they all really need to be playing an even larger role. and i think they would all vouch he was a good father.

i dont even know why im thinking about it. well all these republicucks saying they are gonna write in pence instead of vote trump. never thought of throwing your vote away on a write in candidate. but is that a REAL risk with regular voters? i just dont know.

i mean at the very least we need to split the country into 2 countries, right and left, and then maybe the right country could further break up into Ethnostates, and the left side would become a big brown muddy shithole like venezuela or something. all the white leftists and mudsharks who wanted diversity and nonwhite dick would be welcome to go there.

oct 9

maybe we are reaching a time of such peak degeneracy that men simply dont CARE anymore that their GF has been with 30 guys. like yeah shes a slut and been with 30 guys but im a manwhore and ive been with 50 gurls, were all sluts nao, who cares, its just animals fooking, if it does work out big deal, ill find another slut, i mean long term rels are stupid and doomed anyway, ill just keep fooking sluts till i die, and its not like ill ever fall in luv, all these sluts are basically the same, you get bored of them after a few months tops. why would i want to get MARRIED to one of these sluts. and have children? thats too much responsibility, then i cant bang sluts, get drunk, plus it costs too much money, i dont have that kind of money.

yeah this plaguewielder album is better than i remember it! indeed does have a great ride cymbal sound! and yeah i like it when darkthrone tries to sound at least somewhat like a BLACK metal band, whereas lately they are more about being a “pan-old-skool-heavy-metal band” which is theoretically ok…….but i just want more BLACK metal in there: more black metal vocals from culto, more “blasting” (ie not super fast, TH style “blasts) from fenriz, and the more typical “black metal” riffs to go along with that.

i dunno the riffs sound familiar because i heard them 14 years ago or so……but now they sound better. really kinda weird.

on transilvanian hunger he does that same beat for the first 24 minutes of the 40 minute album hahahahaha.

its weird that reddit is so permissive for men to watch porn, like yeah its normal for all men even married men to watch pron reguarly. no big deal.

heh. apparently some people use the phrase “hooking up” and they DONT mean Secs. They just mean “MAKING OUT.” well just SAY Making out becuase i automatically assume its Secs. youre painting a negative picture of yourself. so when somewhat says hooking up, ask them what that means.

also what about women who Blow guys but dont Fook them? thats almost as bad in my book. do you want a gurl who has Sucked Off 40 guys? also, if a gurl will blow you, shell fook you. i mean a damn dirty dick in your mouth, thats a pretty whorish thing to do. good gurls dont suck dick before fooking the guy, and they dont fook the guy until they have established a monogamous official rel.

so a woman that jumps to suck your dick the same day as meeting you, holy shit. really signalling what type of woman she is then. thank her for it hahahaha.

i mean its really hard, and probably IMPOSSIBLE, to simply LIKE a woman like that.

so its heartbreaking when a woman you LIKE turns out to BE like that, and i really wish she werent. but she is.

and also you have 10 times the difficulty getting and keeping a job, and everybody makes more money than you, including women, and you cant deal with life at age 30 hahahaha.

even the 40 year old virgin was not a neet. there should be a movie called the 40 year old neet. maybe he would be a virgin too. or better, he had secs with one woman once when he was 20, and that was it.

ok trying to start a table of poker to get my mind off and its sunday and i dont want to job search hehehe.

ideally i would like to do MJ but….i gotta find a better way to Self Soothe.

and yes MJ is degen…..but so is sitting around in neet despair!!!!!!!!!!!!

and mj alleviates the neet despair and ALSO makes it easier to survive nonneet working life.

shit makes it easier to survive neet life too!

i mean really. during my darkest times, smokin MJ was literally a light in the darkness. a ray of sunshine. i still remember those times fondly, even though they were surrounded by even darker times. i get a ridiculous amount of fun and enjoyment and happiness from MJ that I just cant get elsewhere in Life, except by being with a Beloved Waifu. and I just dont see there ever BEING one of those again. ipso fatso, better get back on the weed train.

i mean i was

https://forum.grasscity.com/threads/medical-marijuana-card-and-background-checks.820024/

i could just get a job in a restaurant because everyone who works in a restaurant smokes MJ!!!!!!

hehehehe.

how about this. give the sleazy waitress at this semi sleazy bar “restaurant” i go to a big tip and ask her where i can get some MJ. i guarantee she smokes MJ and probably does other stuff. supposedly the rule is front of house does coke and alcohol, back of house does MJ.

holy shit lisa link this is life doing an hour on The Pickup Artist Community

now she is talking to a 45 year old virgin who feels there is something deeply wrong with him and he just wants a normal loving relship and to be normal and confident and have a GF and eventually a wife and not be a damn weak weirdo virgin.

the show gets at the idea that this is not about secs, its about something deeper:

Pick Up is not about secs, its about finding a damn WIFE or a GF, from guys who are so unconfident and social failures than they cant even get SLUTS to have Secs with them. And its clear they dont really care about the secs as much as just having a damn long term rel with a woman. But They Can’t, because they cant even talk to a woman, they cant even date the EASIEST woman.

Its misleading that the pick up leaders talk about sluts and secs so much, but the lame weak virgin omegas who are the Customers, they want smething much less DEGENERATE: they just want an actual REL with a woman, they dont CARE about secs with sluts.

but apparently you need to practice your social skill on sluts before you can have good enough social skills to get a nonslut???!?!?!

i dont know, i’m close to the level of these pathetic customers myself! the only difference is that i DID have secs with an easy slut, i apparently had the social skills at age 21 to do that.

but never again! and really that was just a combination of me looking healthy and young, and being DRUNK!!!!

now i look about 20 years older and i dont drink any more.

interesting to see this is still around in 2016, but i guess im not suprised, there will always be desperate unconfident me.

telling that they have the men do confidence-building exercises, like walking on coals shouting “i like myself! i like myself!” hahahahahahahahahahaha. this truly does strike the root of the whole thing, that these men totally lack confidence, and thats the ROOT CAUSE of WHY they cant get women.

once i learned that simple lesson, i lost interest in pick up and got to the real deep political and racial and moral shit hehehehe.

but i STILL have no confidence and STILL cant pull women and would STILL benefit from pick up artist techniques!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!1

which is simply be masculine and be confident and you will get women. these arent really “techniques.” its a very natural way of being that its unnatural to not have those natural habits!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

who CARES if its “canned” if the women are responding to it and fooking the guys? the women dont really CARE!!!!! why should YOU?????

and women cant understand this because NO woman has EVER been THIS desperate and lonely. they can’t believe that another human being can get this bad. but men can! it so clearly points out the simple profound truth: WOMEN ARE THE SUPPLY, MEN ARE THE DEMAND, and woman just cannot accept that! well because it shows women in a position of strength and power and privilege, rather than a helpless victim.

what brings these guys here? BECAUSE THEY HAVENT DATED A WOMAN FOR THEIR ENTIRE ADULT LIFE!!!! 10, 20 YEARS OF LONELINESS!!!!!

one guy is handsome but a sweet niceguy virgin.

one guy was married but the divorce crushed all his confidence.

but all these men are lonely and want a real rel with a woman. theyre not antisex either, but they cant even get sex, cuz they are not confident or aggressive enough.

the pua vince something has some good lessons but he dresses in a ridiculous peacock style that undermines his credibility. why not just dress like a Rich Preppy. Brooks Brothers or something. none of this pink mohawk peacock shit.

also you will probably pull better wife tier women with the preppy A E S T H E T I C  anyway.

so yeah thats great advice for all neet virgins out there: dress like total Chad The Superrich Preppy. Look like a white man in a brooks brothers catalog.

so just build confidence in the men.

but WHAT BUILDS CONFIDENCE IN MEN?

BEING SUCCESSFUL WITH WOMEN!!!!!!!!!!!!

you can get some confidence WITHOUT women by being succesful in your JOB/CAREER (i and most neets are a total failure at this).

really the ONLY other option you can build confidence is by LIFTING.

these men are here because they are 29 years old and never had a GF and they are like holy shit this cant go on.

and sometimes much older than 29!!!!!!!

like we say, its not too weird if a guy is 21 and a virgin, even 23, maybe 25 at the latest. but after 25 it DOES start getting weird.

thankfully i stopped being a V at age 21, but I was more than weird enough, because i never really dated a woman by age 25, 30, etc. thats just as weird.

the show points out rightfully that men are becoming less masculine, more shy, etc.

this is very true, but WOMEN are also becoming more disgusting and degenerate and responding only to negro strongmen type masculinity. toxic masculinity hahahahahahahahahahaha.

women who have been with 40 guys and who have spent 10 years in relships just cant even relate to guys who have only been with 0-1 gurls and spent 0 months in relships. and vice versa.

of course i dont think these guys should be going to clubs either because these are full of nothing but degenerate gurls. i guess 1% of these gurls might be good women dragged along by their degen slut friends. well, with friends like that, it was inevitable theyd become sluts anyway.

besides banging 25 year old sluts would be good for their confidence, better than banging 35 year old sluts.

but yeah  i will give the tv show a littl crrrredit for realizing that its all about CONFIDENCE. because it really is.

i mean shit i wish i could buy confidence because its the most valuable thing a man can have.

well you can buy nice clothes and that does help.

well at least those guys, even the 45 year old virgin, had decent jobs. and a decent job didnt give them enough confidence to pull dirty negro fookin cvm bucket skanks!!!!!!!!!!! a good job didnt give them enough confidence to pull the cheapest, easiest, worst women!

also i think there is something to the “wolf pack” concept where average “beta” men can boost their confidence and “social capital” by going out in groups and giving them strength in numbers, that they might be able to Pull Easier than if they were completely alone.

so omega white men need to form GANGS instead of playing vidya in their basements hahahahaha.

just get some MJ and then invite Stoner Sluts to smoke MJ and then blow and then bang you. easy hahahahaha.

another great idea i had is that to find the more quality women on dating sites, you have to PAY for it. of course your competition i guess would get fiercer then, cuz its guys serious enough to PAY. also….if the women dont pay, wouldnt it be the same mudshark sluts you find on tinder or okcupid? but women shouldnt have to pay to be on a dating site! women are the supply, men are the demand!

well really women shouldnt be on ANY dating sites EVER for that very reason!!!!!!

so yeah i dont think i can really reach a conclusion here. either you will look better because the women wont be as bombarded with low quality men, so you’ll look better……..

or there will be a higher percentage of high quality men and you will look WORSE!!!!

so if you want to look better BY COMPARISON, then its best to go to free dating where there is a TON of shit so you can look good next to them! and the quality of women on ANY site, regardless of whether the MEN pay, is gonna be about the same!

so the REAL question is, are the WOMEN willing to pay to have access to the Higher Quality Men? and then you will pay to get into THAT pool.

because the goal is a high quality woman, not a low quality woman.

find a place that is is both a bar and a restaurant. then wait outside for the druggie degen workers to come outside for cig break. then ask them if they know where to get any MJ. give them 10 or 20 dollars for the info.

make sure the place is kind of sleazy and has some clientele who come there to get WASTED on cheap drinks. working class white people getting HAMMERED on 2 dollar big beers. and then they can order some burgers and fries to soak up all that beer and get food in the stomach to soak up MOAR BEER. then they stagger out, smoke some MJ, and fall right on their face and pass out and go to their Manual Labor Working Class Job the next day. that kind of place hahahahaha.

avoiding messages from their fat mudshark GF who eventually dumps them for a black guy, until they find another fat white trash mudshark, rinse and repeat hahahahaha.

what a life!

heh. i bet it DOES ruin a rel when the woman starts making more money than the man. never had that happen to me cuz i was never in a rel hahahaha but all the women i liked eventually went on to make more than me, and now, EVERYBODY makes more than me, and if i get a 12 dollar an hour job, most people will STILL make more than me, including women.

now im not talking about a situation where the woman has a medical degree and the man has a GED. then of COURSE she is gonna make more money than him. I ‘m talking about they ahve about the same level of education or the woman has LESS, and at the time they start their rel, they are making about the same, but over time, she just manages to fare better in her working life and get better paying jobs than her slightly-more-educated man.

like what happened with me and her hahahahahahahahaha.

sometimes i feel like my i dont want to say “hateful” but just disrespectful, contemptuous, chilly, cold attitude towards women, well if i feel this cold towards women, then what the hell does it matter if i look at porn? women are all dirty whores anyway!!!!!!!! i might as well use it to help me Jerk Off because I sure can’t think of anything real life to jerk off to!

so this is a slippery slope. WHAT DOES IT MATTER, WOMEN ARE ALL WHORES ANYWAY, and porn is a realistic representation of that!

well, WRONG, because even though normie women are huge whores, they are only HALF as bad as the whores in porno.

and its just harmful to the soul to watch porn and puts you in a degen mindset that is not good.

shit its better to just hate women and think all women are whores, than to WATCH whores being whores. i think i would just hate women even MORE and thats not good.

darkthrone. tried listening to “arctic thunder” again today. came out thinking welp the first song “tundra leech” is obviously the best, and i would be better served taking this reawakened interest in darkthrone and apply it to “mid era” albums: total death thru sardonic wrath. particularly, ravishing grimness thru hate them. 1999 to 2003, hahahaha. back when culto still tried to sound like a black metal singer and they still wanted to sound like a black metal band rather than a Heavy Metal band.

AND ITS NOT LIKE THEY DIDNT USE FOOKLOADS OF CELTIC FROST STYLE RIFFS THIS WHOLE TIME ANYWAY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! they never ever really got away from that except on fookin “transilvanian hunger!”

so just have those celtic frost riffs with sick black metal vocals, and the occasional “second wave black metal” (ie transilvanian hunger) riff!!!! and that pretty much sums up the albums of this 99 – 03 period!!!! or even on panzerfaust, the two styles are separated out into separate songs. not sure they have to be THAT autistic, but im also not complaining about one of muh all time favorite albums!

and yeah it is disappointing when one of your all time fav bands stops being so damn good!

REALLY transilvanian hunger is NOT a good representation of darkthrones style. overall. and i wish it were!

also, why couldnt ALL the songs on their new album be as good as that first one?

and why couldnt culto occasionally do an old style vocal once in a while? not that what he does on the album is BAD…..but his older style was BETTER.

i dunno. i just dunno. i am waiting to read more reviews of this new album, but i think people are holding back until the official release date.

listening to other sorta recent albums culto has done with sarke and “gift of gods” and again he is doing this kind of groaning vocal and not his vicious Black Metal vocal. unfortunate!. sheeeeeeeeeeeeeit.

 

COMMON COURTESY IS A REASONABLE EXPECTATION

sept 14

i dont WANT an EXPLANATION of WHY, I already know WHY, that’s nothing. I jsut wanted to be treated nicer, like a human being, like i mattered, like our Rel mattered, like it was an important rel between two human beings. sheeeeeit i already know WHY. the WHY is not important. I just wanted more kindness and gentleness and less ice coldness hahahaha. treat me and our Past Rel with DIGNITY.

i dont are about why. i already KNOW why. case closed. i just wanted to know what she was thinking regarding hurting me. did you really WANT to HURT me? and WHY was THAT?

other thing: besides being humiliated on a personal level, i felt humiliated on a woring level: i failed at this job, while she succeeded at the same job. She could handle it, I couldn’t. She’s moving up, I’m moving down. I cant handle REAL LIFE as good as her. She is a winner, i am a loser, and losers like me dont deserve to associate with winners like her. and maybe thats why she rejected me so brutally on a personal level. because i was just inferior scum in every conceivable way. i was like the slimiest, most scheming little sleazy greasy joo to her.

and i think abotu how women Botch Relationships and Emotioanlly Overreact (I screwed up TOO but she screwed up WAY more), and I think, how the hell can women do JOBS and make 13 dollars an hour??? you need to make GOOD decisions! you need to have a record of excellence! you need to communicate clearly and decisively! women cant do this shit! they are like a 50 foot baby with a flamethrower! how can they be mature enough to handle a 13 an hour job, LET ALONE a 20 dollar an hour job??!?!?!?!!?!?!?!?

she never made flashcards! she never looked at old cases! she never studied when she went home! she never did homework! yet i failed and she succeeded! I wanted to know how shit worked, she just said idk lol! and got a man to help her! and she is the winner and i am the loser at life! FOOK THAT SHIT!!!! FOOK THIS GAY EARTH.mov

maybe i should embrace hating women like i embracing being a racist.

so i thought, well i dont even HATE other races, i just dont think races can coexist all that well. but women of my own race annoy the shit out of me just as much or even more than people of other races!

and this is not good, i thought. it jsut doesnt feel like something natural or sustainable the way being a racist feels pretty natural. i dont really WANT To hate women in other words.

also, for a man like me who wants so much to be a father and have children…..i dont think its a good idea for a Good Father to HATE WOMEN!!!!!!!

Good Fathers don’t hate women, they get along with women and teach their children how to get along with women!

so yeah in order to level up to pull good women, i need to learn how to deal with low level trash women on okcupid hahahaha.

i guess muh goals in life were never specific enough. find a nice gf. that became find a nice gf and make her muh waifu. as i got older. then that became have children with the waifu. and also get a 13 dollar an hour job with benefits and weekends off that doesnt drive me crazy. that is all.

maybe GOD is not calling me to be a father though. or even to be married. some people are called to be SINGLE 4 LYFE. Its just very weird though. cuz some of my biggest goals were to be married, have children. now GOD is telling me that i’m WRONG??!?!?! these arent horrible ungodly things! GOD LUVS marriage and family and so do I!!!!!!

but maybe  this is not what GOD has meant for me and my life. which is frustrating, because, like i just said, god LUVS marriage and family!

so i thought that well, maybe i’m supposed to be single and childless and I can still support marriage and family by…..doing marriage and family related work. it just seems frustrating though. that all these people can get married, have families and children, some of them are totally shitty too. and i’m meant to SUPPORT families, but i’m not allowed to have a family myself? it sounds CRUEL and SADISTIC!!!! like TORTURE!!!!! God doesnt just TEST us, he TORTURES us!!!!!!!! why the hell CANT I have a family?

well, besides I am totally not ready for it. but i really should be at this age. I mean realistically i have too many ISSUES to be a husband and father. unfortunately. but its the truth.

also, i want to know if i did something terrible, SO I DONT DO IT AGAIN IN THE FUTURE!!!!!!!

i dont want to fook things up this bad again!!!!!!

but again thats an unknown. most likely i didnt do anything horribly wrong, like lie or cheat where i really AM the bad guy at fault. sometimes that shit DOES happen. sometimes it IS your fault.  sometimes you ARE the bad guy.

it would have almost been better if she said YOUR THE BAD GUY, THIS IS ALL YOUR FAULT.

heh. maybe.

i hate making mistakes, but i might hate NOT KNOWING if i made a mistake or not even MORE!

i mean if i ever get feelings for a friend again, i WILL handle it differently, namely, tell them assertively and quickly.

oh yeah. when women think “ALL GUYS LOOK AT PORN.”

WRONG! so yeah that is triggering. they havent met me yet! I dont look at porn because it is jooish filth that ruins women and men! poisons the mind and soul!!!! i actively do NOT watch porno and can’t imagine wanting to watch it EVER AGAIN!!!!!! its DISGUSTING!!!!!!!!

applied for 5th job today. army related job. administering asvab tests hahahaha. 15 an hour. found out it was casual/intermittent, meaning no benefits. sheeeeeeeeeeeeeeit. thats the whole reason to get a fedgov job!

well i did not see that until i was 80% done with the grueling 16 minute application hahahaha.

NOTE: the first time you apply for a USAJOBS job, it will take MUCH longer to build your superresume, get all your shit together etc.

all guys do not look at porn, just the manly men you date hahahahaha

omega male sex negative neets think porn is disgusting degeneracy hahahahaha but we are invisible to women so…..

Women SHOULD be CAUTIOUS, they can get PREGNANT!!!!!

BE MORE CAUTIOUS! SHOW MORE CAUTION! DISCRETION!

how can someone with the maturity level of a CHILD make an ABOVE AVERAGE INCOME???? make WAY MORE THAN ME?

also it sucks when they are much more mature with other people, and super immature with you.

then you wonder, what did I do, so I don’t do it again!

but what you did was not super duper offensive, but just basic bitch communication mistakes.

besides, if you are doing something SUPER wrong, like lying or cheating…….you usually KNOW it, and you think, welp, I can GET AWAY with this, they’ll never find out. nothing like that here.

TEN dollar an hour job where posting calls for EIGHTY wpm typing. i have 60.

EIGHTY words a minute for TEN dollars an hour. 

wtf?

113 people applied, so i should apply too hehehehe.

i have a great SUPPORT SYSTEM, so why the hell am i so insecure and unstable and struggling and on the edge?

i have to remember, i dont hate all women. this woman i see at my weekly game, she is very nice and good and i like her and she doesnt annoy me. when i first met her, she kind of annoyed me a little but now i totally appreciate and like her. too bad i am not in luv with her hahahaha. i really didnt have any of that interest in her. not a slut either. darn near asexual which was starting to become weird…..but in the past few years she met a good decent man and they are getting married. pretty much a perfect situation there. he is pretty masculine and not a niceguy wimp pvssy like me, but i get the idea that he has morals and was not a degen womanizer at any point.

separate website for FBI jobs, they are not posted on USAJOBS………i dont think.

ok applied for gs05, 32k level job with air force. it specialist hahahahaha. now this is more like it. there are some fedgov bennies hahahaha. however no specific openings at my local air force base. might never be an opening hhehehe.

ok 6 jobs for today hehehe good enough.

well 7 would be better but i am getting back on the horse. i mean SHEEEEEEEIT, i might have to get to 600 jobs. at 600 i will start sucking dicks for recruiters until i become blacklisted by every recruiter in town. there are a lot of recruiters in town! sometimes it seems there are more recruiters than nonrecruiters hahahaha.

anyway im saying it would take MANY YEARS for me to burn through every recruiter in town.

but yeah it bothers me that a person can be more successful than me yet be a lot more immature than me…..and i am pretty immature.

also, i was the one putting myself out there. she wasnt really putting herself out there at all. she COULD HAVE. in the sense that it would have took some agency and initiative to Respond to the Request, and say Listen, I’m Not Interested, Let’s End this in a good way.

but no she just shut down entirely.

i did not shut down entirely regarding HER.

i did kinda shut down regarding my job and my life.

but its impossible to communicate or deal with a person who SHUTS DOWN.

basically, she shut down, I didnt. I was begging her not to shut down.

yeah, i shouldnt have BEGGED…….but jeez. if someone is begging you, just humor them. i dunno. ive never had anyone BEG me before. I imagine i would write them an email hahahahha.

SHE SHUT DOWN, I DIDNT.

you cant do anything with someone who shuts down. cant communicate, cant make the best of a bad situation. shutting down is abotu the worst communication there is. i did bad communication but not this bad. i didnt shut down.

how can SHE make more money than me and be more successful at life than me???!?!?!?!?!

and in relships too. she had a 4 year relship that could have resulted in marriage. i have never had a long term monog committed rel with a woman, ever.  that in itself is a damn red flag to women, and i have to damn lie about it essentially, or just avoid talking about it.

but i also feel like i havent been given a fair CHANCE. give me a CHANCE and dont GIVE UP and WALK OUT on me. im not THAT bad!!!!!!!! i honestly believe that! im not perfect but im not THAT bad!!!!!!!

i dont SHUT DOWN. I’ll write you a longass email before I shut down. Or leave you a 5 minute voice mail of me rambling. i will tell you whats on my mind in great detail!!!!!!!!! look at this blog!!!!!!

http://www.theabsolute.net/misogyny/onwomen.html

dont look for a redpilled woman, you wont find a decent one. just find a nice decent wholesome woman who has not taken too many dix and you can make her redpilled.

i have known this for a while, i am very comfortable being the red pill person hahahaha. just want a wholesome, moral, decent, nice, woman, thats all.

fook politics, fook redpills, fook race, fook music, fook taste, fook coolness. dont sweat the small stuff hehehe.

she will prove her race loyalty simply by not being interested in fooking nonwhites. and OF COURSE she WILL say something like “but Im not racist, i swear!” im not so autistic any more that I want a woman to say “yes Im proud to be a racist!” for a woman, thats just WEIRD!!!!!!!!!!! for a man, its pretty cool tho.

its very similar to when i was young, i thought it would be so cool to find a waifu who liked METAL. now im smart enough to know that would be a fooking clusterfook. it would be similar to find a full on 1488 waifu. they would prob be bipolar, borderline, and fooking ingras in 6 months.

note: i don’t think That Woman was Over the line crazy like that. she was acceptable levels of normie female crazy. she just greatly disappointed me is all. she is still way less evil than average. a good person who did something very disappointing to me. shit i would take her back in an instant hahahahaha.

i mean women are just not good at making real world judgments and doing things in the real world. yet they make shitloads more money at jobs in the real world. when they have no real SKILL in the real world! i mean when it comes to SERIOUS shit in the real world,  you’d be a fool to trust a woman! they jsut dont have it! and i dont say that to be mean! its just the way it is! its just not a good match for them! their skill set is elsewhere! namely, raising children. and heres the thing, that can of course be extremely compromised as well. in the current year. so many times it appears that many women are good for absolutely NOTHING.

i mean many women in the real world are literally good for absolutely nothing. its sad and horrifying and it didnt have to be that way.

and that woman, she was not one of those worthless women. like i say, i hurts a lot more to be rejected by the good, decent women. those are the ones that take longest to get over. because something of great value was lost. as opposed to something of no value. or negative value hahahaha.

i guess i should meditate on this real life woman i know who is not a piece of garbage, but actually a decent, good, wholesome, moral person. nope she is not redpilled, nope she is not politically minded, yes she likes the worst music and tv shows and movies ever.  but she has good morals, has lived according to those morals, and would make a good wife and mother. perfect. i am not attracted to her but i wish I were. well actually not, because she is getting married and good for them i say. its about time. really she’s getting married a little late at like age 29 or 30, but better late than never in her case.

so whenever i think of That Woman, i should replace her with thoughts of This Woman. Yes.

and i dont think even if you cut muh balls off it would even help. my secsual libido is not the problem. its loving people who are gone, unavailable, and never luved me.

ok want to get in at least 2 applications before my afternoon powerwalk hahaha.

ok got in 3 but they were so low energy. local shitty hospital using ultipro ATS. it kinda incentivizes low energy applications. 3 to 5 minutes each. can only have one resume/packet on there at a time. ideally this is ideal, and employers wouldnt care if you only took 3 minutes on an app vs 30 minutes. but of course they do. and if you spend only 3 minutes, you will get screened out.

yeah tv is really triggering. i usually have it on as background noise……..but i really SHOULDNT. this is not a value added strategy hahahaha.

got 3 apps in real quick. the jobs.com site said full time but 2 were ACTUALLY part time. i dont think this is intentional. i think it is just basic incompetence from whoever manages the jobs.com postings. basic bitch not knowing how to do your job so you just Fudge It and pretend like you know what youre doing…..even though you have no idea of best practices. this is very common. this is the norm hahahaha. norm 4 normies. normies gonna norm hahahahaha.

ok time for powerwalk.

ok did 4.18 mile pwalk. listened to azzmador talking with grandpa lampshades.

ok this isnt the exact one but i should listen to this one.

they are both total laid back southern gentlemen, i have difficulty telling them apart hahahaa except azzmador has a slightly deeper voice. but i love this laid back, polite, friendly, southern hospitality.

very j00 wise alt right type guys who each do their own podcasts but not on trs. but i am sure they approve of trs. they are not renegade tier or anything hahahahaha.

heh. if i am going to have children i cant afford, i might as well do that with some woman i am madly in luv with and would never want to leave hahahaha. of course she could veyr well want to leave me!

because honestly i cant EVER imagine being ABLE to afford children!

heh. i could probably smoke MJ all day, then take the next 2 days off, and then my system would be clear to pass a drugs test. thats pretty good right?

ok how about 3 days.

really the best think i can do is powerwalking hahaha. i wish i was as good about lifting. but powerwalking is my strength, muh skill set, and i want to be the best powerwalker i can be hahaha.

the other thing i naturally do is writing this trash……………… and tbh the powerwalking is a lot BETTER FOR ME.

the writing CAN be good SOMETIMES but it can EASILY go both ways.

the walking cannot. the walking is ALWAYS good. cant go wrong. win win.

these women are NIHILISTIC and SOCIOPATHIC. the horrible lives they lead. the empty, shallow relationships. the things they value. MORAL INVERSION. NIHILISTIC and SOCIOPATHIC. treating people like OBJECTS.

i have been antsy since not having an interview is a while. and i am at 18.5 and i need to get to at LEAST 25. meaning 19, 20, 21, 22, 23, and 24 are all gonna be worthless. other than getting me one closer to magic 25.

but 25 isnt magic! like i say, on the whole, i feel i do PRETTY GOOD on interviews! i mean i dont SLAM DUNK it, but i still feel i do well enough to get an offer before 25!

bridget jones baby? a 50 year old slut with tons of grotesque plastic surgery creating a miserable innocent life out of her 50 year old adolescent sluttery? absolutely disgusting! if i didnt have the tv on i would never have seen that bullshit movie commercial!

women cannot give good advice basically. if you ever need HELP with figuring something out, god forbid you go to a woman. they might mean well, but my god they cannot give good advice. they MIGHT mean well though. that does count for something. but dear god dont take their awful advice. what makes /r/relships so shitty is all the WOMEN chiming in with their shitty advice. i need a MEN ONLY forum. but not necessarily a MGTOW or got forbid GAME forum. but 99% of Men Only forums are going to be MGTOW, MRA, or Game.

well, not TRS though. but TRS doesn’t have a relationship section. but they should hahahahaha.

MAYBE I SHOULD START IT hahahahaha.

I think it would go over better than me starting a Neet Section.

but I DO like having a Neet Blog which is very Alt Right!

like women will tell you that college and career is more important than a rel, and encourage people to break up just because theyre YOUNG and those early relships NEVER work out, you have a chance for a great FUTURE by getting into a Top 50 school, so just break up with so and so even though u luv them. bullshit advice like that.

women are so BLUE PILL on things like college. they were encouraging another woman who had left a 45k a year job so she could go back to COLLEGE and become a TEACHER. holy SHIT.  thats exactly the kind of bad advice women give. because you’ll be so glad you got your teaching degree and now make 20k a year with part time sub jobs and no health care. babysitting feral black chirren.

https://bu.reddit.com/r/relationships/comments/52xouc/recently_my_girlfriend_20_f_and_i_19_m_of_25/

not a lot of commentary right now. but i want more people to say yeah she is really an ice cold bitch, not “it doesnt matter, youre not entitled to anything.” no, of course he’s not, but IT WOULD BE NICE if she could DIGNIFY A 3 YEAR RELSHIP by not meeting these sleazy new friends, staying up till 6 am, going on tinder right in front of him. show some COURTESY for the HEART you are breaking and the Long Term Relationship you are Single Handedly Ending, I would tell her.

dont tell him “its over, get over it.”

yes of COURSE he should go no contact but give him some moral support at least. damn. judge her behavior as shitty and sleazy!!!!!!! judge her as the bad guy here!!!!!! because she is!!!!!!!!!!!

now i dont talk too much shit about That Woman. Sometimes sure. but not overall. most of this is just me grieving and moaning and whining. but i can’t say what a shitty person she was…….because she wasnt. she was honestly a good decent wholesome person who just dropped the ball here and disappointed me greatly. but it wasnt because she was a shitty, horrible person. she just fight or flight and shut down. she could be a great wife and mother to a different man.

ok i turned off the tv and am listening to beethovens 1st symphony. not sure why. just wanted some classical music symphony fast. something that wasnt too jooish. and that is a symphony.

she doesnt NEED to consider your feelings. again, technically correct, but to tell the guy that…..that is weak womanly advice. no, she doesnt need to, but she SHOULD, after 2-3 YEARS, show him some god damn COMMON COURTESY.

COMMON COURTESY IS A REASONABLE EXPECTATION.

https://bu.reddit.com/r/relationships/comments/52wdvu/i_31m_am_having_an_extremely_hard_time_moving_on/

she wants to be just friends, he thinks he needs to go no contact and cant do just friends because she broke up with him and he still wants her. he sees her at bar, is drunk, gets emotional, now he’s the bad guy. come on. meanwhile she’s tweeting about fooking strangers off tinder. god damn. so he’s supposed to be cool with the love of his life dumping him and fooking randos. and hes the bad guy for getting upset once. come on.

COMMON COURTESY from the woman is a reasonable expectation. not tweeting about EVIL DEGENERATE NIHILISTIC SOCIOPATHIC casual secs and being a filthy, degenerate whore. he has every right to be upset. yes he should go no contact.

so yeah. whatever happened to common courtesy. human decency. early termination fee. treat the person youre dumping with respect and kindness because THIS HURTS THEM.

casual secs IS unqualifiably degenerate, and she wants to throw away something good and wholesome, to do degenerate filth. of course he has a right to be upset.

at the very least she shouldn’t be pushing him to be friends, to understand that he is hurt, and needs no contact.

what did SHE do when Chad dumped her? probably some really shameful things trying to get chad back! and then fooked a bunch of casuals when chad laughed in her face!

now she’s pissed at the guy SHE dumped because he’s having a hard time with it? what a fookin coont!!!!!

and when this bitch on reddit says yeah you did act like an asshole, he responded with yeah i know i feel so bad about it, i know i should apologize to her etc etc. i downvoted the bitch hahaha.

common courtesy. human decency. part of the social contract of having a relship is NOT BEING A PIECE OF SHIT WHEN YOU END THE REL.

HAVING THE RIGHT TO SINGLE HANDEDLY END THE REL SHOULD COME WITH THE RESPONSIBILITY OF NOT BEING A PIECE OF SHIT WHEN YOU END IT. 

so many women didnt get that memo. too immature.

and i dont care if i am making a should statement. THIS SHOULD BE A SHOULD STATEMENT!!!!!

STAND FOR SOMETHING OR YOU WILL FALL FOR ANYTHING.

STAND UP FOR WHATS RIGHT, GOOD, JUST, TRUE, AND BEAUTIFUL.

DONT BE A PIECE OF SHIT.

DONT BE A NIHILISTIC SOCIOPATH.

DONT BE A JOO.

now that is the type of lecturing i can support!

i would be a great lecturer. sermonizer.

oh but they broke up 4 months ago so everybody should be KEWL, thats plenty of time to get comfortable with the love of your life dumping you, without willing to work on it, and fook randoms, and youre the bad guy to get upset at that and not want to be her platonic friend and hear about her degen secs life. god damn fooking degenerates. i am this close to private messaging the guy and telling him he is totally in the right and not to listen to that bitch that said “he definitely fooked up”. fook that bitch!

RELATIONSHIP BILL OF RIGHTS AND RESPONSIBILITIES.

you HAVE to include the Ending Terms in their too.

THE ENDING IS PART OF THE RELATIONSHIP.

so yeah it IS her concern, it IS her business. if she can end it on her whim, then she has to put forth good faith, good will, and effort to do the WORK necessary to end it at her whim. and that involves human decency, common courtesy, and not being a piece of shit. wow. i guess if you ask for that, then you are the bad guy.

you’re the bad guy if you think casual secs is degenerate and bad and a terrible way to finish off a beautiful LTR.

cuz its all the same, theres no good or bad or right or wrong.

and this is 30 year old people with professional careers, level 2 and above making 60k a year, saying all this disgusting shit.

FOOK THIS GAY EARTH!

and she has NO IDEA why the guy is upset! unbelievable! a 29 year old woman with the maturity of a 12 year old and she makes more money than i ever will!!!! unbelieveable!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!11

TREAT PEOPLE THE WAY YOU WANT TO BE TREATED!!!

DUMP PEOPLE THE WAY YOU WANT TO BE DUMPED!!!!!

how can all these WOMEN not even BEGIN to understand that????!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!

no not all women. but a good 50% of them hahahahaha.

half of them are in this basket of deplorables hahahahahaha

its amazing you have to shout these Things I Learned In Kindergarten to Grown Fooking Women.

well remember its not all women. only HALF of women, hahaha.

oh but the ending isnt part of the relationship, these sneaky little j’s claim. i dont have ANY responsibilities the second i say “im done” and walk out.

that is an extremely JOOISH view of humanity and human relations. all these sneaky little loopholes, just like a joo trying to joo you out of service. sorry goy thats not in the contract. here’s the thing, there is no real contract. no exchanges, no refunds, no service, thanks for the money, chump!

theyve turned our women into sneaky little joos!!!!!!

i dont want to talk to women, i dont want to read womens stupid thoughts. the only time i will listen to a woman is if she is being NICE and PLEASANT. women CAN be good at that when they want to be. having just utterly harmless, charming, nice small talk, just being damn NICE. its really not that hard. doesnt take a lot of effort, energy, or creativity. just be nice. dont be an annoying, unscrupulous joo.

sept 2016: i keep hearing hearsay that millennial woes got a ladyfriend and that it is makign him more confident and masculine. I HOPE SO!!! GOOD FOR YOU LAD!!!!!!

I luv MW but havent listened to him lately cuz i dont luv the hangouts. anyway i would be VERY happy if he got a nondegen waifu, he DESERVES a good waifu, and indeed it would help him become an even better man…..as waifus can potentially do. shit it would help ME!

sept 16

yeah so i dont care that mw had a gay past, except that it makes him kinda neurotic and despairing and has consequences for his current mental/emo health, but he can certainly mitigate those consequences, and i believe he has done that. now i just hope his gf isnt a degen bitch who dumps him and breaks his heart because that could really set him back. i know. hahahahaha. remember he also fell in luv with a WOMAN before and when she rejected him, that broke his heart for YEARS and that hurt him a LOT. ive been there hahahaha.

i mean yeah this is what i am obsessed with. muh white whale. muh wheelhouse. relships between men and women. period. that is what i should do my career in. period.

so funny. for most normies this is just an accepted part of life. you get a gf and bang and sometimes it works out and sometimes it doesnt, but you just keep going until at age 25 you find someone you could probably marry and then you marry them, have children, and maybe they divorce you in 5-10 years.

but theres no need to study and obsess and analyze because you know you have the tools to be in a serious LTR because you’ve been in them before or you’re in one now!

since i have never been, i just don’t know that i have the Tools. and that is part of my obsession, studying How Women Are, and How Men Are, and the nuts and bolts of communication, problem solving etc.

when REALLY, i probably ALREADY HAVE the Tools i need, i just havent found the right woman. who is willing to let me use those tools hahaha.  because they were never WILLING. they were not OPEN, they just wanted to WALK AWAY. because they Just Werent That Into Me. but it they WERE, then I would have the Tools and the Communication Skills to make it last at least a year!

but yeah these normie women are like ROBOTS. date a guy, fook him, fall in “luv”, get some abortions, fall out of luv, dump him, and IMMEDIATELY start the whole process again with a new guy. it sounds both EXHAUSTING and DISGUSTING. how can you do that? how can people be so interchangeable to you? how can this “closeness” be so casual and meaningless????!!?!?! its NIHILISTIC AND SOCIOPATHIC!!!! and exhausting and disgusting hahaha and grotesque and horrifying, very blackpill.

but maybe IM the fooked up one because i take this shit too SERIOUSLY!!!!! and when i get heartbroken it takes TWO YEARS to get over them! whereas with NORMIES it takes 2 months before they are fooking other degens!

hehehehe i luv muh waifus literally TWELVE TIMES more than normie degen women luv their men!!!!!

but yeah it makes me think that normie degens incl half of women just dont Luv People the same way I do. or at least at much less of an intensity. And when the difference in Degree is Twelvefold, it may as well be a difference in Kind!!!! a different kind of luv!!!!!!!!

and how do you have a real sustainable LTR when you luv them TWELVE TIMES more than they luv you??!?!?!

that gives them absolute power over you and spells IMMINENT DOOM for the rel. period. they WILL leave you and you WILL be devastated for the next 2 years. what a terrible way to LIVE hahahaha.

basically i need to find another WEIRDO whos luv meter is turned way up to 12 in order to have a lasting thing where i dont get dumped because a huge interest mismatch!!!!

heh all this is not productive writing at all. it is pretty much a nonstop circle of Negative Thoughts. and i need to Rip Out negative thoughts and replace them with positive thoughts, by any means necessary.

even at the expense of Truth!

like how i should replace all thoughts of That Woman with This Other Woman I know who is very very nice and wholesome and is getting married soon. just cut and paste. i should also cut and paste with some sort of positive replacement to the negative thoughts that FILL this blog.

powerwalking is good.

well, not ALL of this post is bad!

WHEN I AM MAKING SERMONIZING STATEMENTS LIKE THIS, those are usually pretty good. even the righteous anger ones. there is nothing inherently negative about righteous anger!

despair, however, yes. that is INHERENTLY BAD.

righteous anger good. despair bad.

so, when i am going into despair or other negative realm, then switch it with something positive: thinking of this wholesome woman, statements of righteous anger, powerwalking, or something productive like Job Searching. cranking out the Apps. getting closer to 500-600. how about 550 hahahahahaha.

job apps themselves cause both righteous anger (good) and despair (bad.) i guess the solution there is, once again, maximize the good and minimize the bad.

turn the brain from a negative thought machine, to a negative thought killing machine!!!!!

so here is a remaster of ulvers classic nattens madrigal. i dont usually like remasters and i dont have anything against the intentionally raw production of the original, which is really not that bad………BUT my concern is literally for hearing and ear health. you could literally damage your hearing with this album, even though it is actually very clear in terms of being able to comprehend and ingest the music. and is quite listenable!

but that high end is just so maxed out that it hurts the ear. i feel this 2014 remaster might be a bit more forgiving while jsut as listenable.

its also got demo versions of some of the tracks which is great. the demos sound great EXCEPT they dont have any vocals, and garm was truly a gifted BM singer.

it just sucks thinking that all of your life goals:  getting a good waifu, having children, and having a job to support that family that doesnt drive you to self-destructive madness, that all these goals are out of your reach. the best you can hope for is a 12 dollar an hour deadend job and then you get your outside-of-work satisfaction by smoking MJ, powerwalking, listening to podcasts and music, and dnating to 1488 causes. which are not bad things, well probably the MJ is, but you just cant stop thinking about the nice waifu and the family you want to have, but youre just too old and fooked up to be able to attain that.

ok stop those are despairing thoughts, lets replace them with righteous anger or job seraching or powerwalking or other positive thoughts or actions.

well i just came back from a 4.2 miles powewalk. listened to natt’s alcoholocaust ep 1 which wasnt as good as i expected. its just a mess and i cant even understand the bantz. i mean these are all good guys but still.

garm was 20 years old when they did nattens madrigal damn. now did he actually write the guitar riffs and such? i mean that is pretty important to me hahahaha. or was it that guy haavard who went on to do nothing special afterwards? i am sure garm knows how to handle a guitar, its really not hard, the important thing is having some sense of songwriting skill, which i never really had, and which i am sure he does.

ok i am gonna apply to this health system job, and while doing so, update my cover letter, which will add about 15 minutes or 10 to the apply time, but i have to measure this WORK somehow. because it is important, measureable, billable, measureable, timeable work that I am totally entitled to COUNT.

un fooking believeable. a super huge application, already at 45 minutes, longest ever, doing a phaggy ass personality test and intelligence test, when the internet goes out in the middle of the test. i am actually happy to do intelligence tests to prove that i am intelligent, and if it gives me like a 1 in 10 chance of getting an interview (as opposed to the usual 1 in 25 chance)….but god damn this is frustrating.

had to reboot compt to get internet connected again. i blame windows 10. 77 minutes total. a new record!

ok. assuming 15% of the job application time could be added to calculated how much time it takes to FIND the jobs (ie, going through lists, reading postings, and decided yes i should apply, vs, no way, dont even waste your time), in other words, about 2 minutes for every 13 minute application, ie 15 minutes total; and 1.5 hours spent on each interview (prob a little low tbh; we are including travel time, interview time, and im not sure about prep/study time), for 18.5 interviews, and 418 applications, we are up to  132 hours total for the entire job search. really a little LOW tbh fam. on $1716 worth of time at $13 an hor, although more realistically my price should be more like 12 an hour.

sorry i meant 419 jobs so far. please dont fire me.

so i was listening to the am grey podcast on feminism, and adams waifu said she was disturbed seeing a man and a woman holding hands where the womans hand was on top, and they used that as a powerful symbol that men are passive and not leading anymore.

i thought DAMN, the women I’ve been associated with would just DUMP ME before even GETTING to that point!!!!!

they wouldnt stick around long enough to LET that happen! they would have ALREADY dumped me for being a wimpy passive spineless doormat!

so why are these women not just walking out on these men? wouldn’t they get disgusted the first time they put their hand on top, and say, im done with you, you weak wimp?

that was what i was asking. i have been dumped for MUCH LESS. why are these women staying with these phaggots in the first place?

i cant even remember how i held hands with women, its been like 11 years since i held hands with a woman hahahaha.

saw a profile picture on soundcloud of somebody who photoshopped dat boi into the famous vietnam photo of the running people being napalmed and the little naked girl. dat boi had replaced the naked girl.

ok finally found it

2016-09-16_20h39_22

YOURE WELCOME hahahahaha

updated Standard Cover Letter with Sentence explaining Employment Gap. ok there. not much more I can do about that. But I think its a small, maybe larger than small, improvement on something that was already damn good and should be more than enough to get me a 13 an hour job.

ok i swear i wont go lower than 12 an hour hahahaha.  so i guess i am at 12-13 now depending on my mood hahahaha.

good thing SHE is making like 16 an hour!

but i dont know that!

but there’s a 75% chance she is!

ok so what does it MATTER then?

because like i said 100000000000000000 times, i dont like her BEATING me at the game of life!

why not?

because i hate her proving she is BETTER than me.  because it adds INSULT TO INJURY.

why?

because she injured me, now she is insulting me.

why?

see now we are getting into the circular part.

yeah i know THEORETICALLY it doesnt matter.

but IN THE REAL WORLD, it ABSOLUTELY DOES MATTER how much money people make, and how women view men who make less money than they do. they view them as totally worthless and inferior.

i dont view people in those terms. but im not a woman. im not PROGRAMMED to care about status in that way!

i mean as a male i do care about ranking and hierarchy………but not in that same visceral sexual or loving way. i know what peoples status is In The Real World, but I know it has no real bearing on their worth as a person.

but it has VERY REAL BEARING on their worth in the MATING MARKET!!!!!!!!1

and the mating market is VERY important to me because one of my MAIN LIFE GOALS is to find  a good wife and have CHILDREN!!!!!!!!

so thats WHY all this shit MATTERS so much!!!!!!!

i am apparently an abuser because i notice slutty behavior and call sluts sluts. thats what abusers do. nonabusers dont have the word slut in their vocabulary hahahaha.

EVEN DEGENERATE POLYAMOROUS SLUTS COMMUNICATE

aug 13

you cant even talk to normies about this because theyll be like why were you SO devastated? why didnt you just ignore her? just suck it up? why did you fall SO hard for someone you werent even fooking? why didnt you tell her earlier? its all my fault basically. and it kinda is. not that I MADE her withdraw all kindness, but I did kinda reap what I sowed in several ways.

but she was jsut as immature as i was, and usually 25 year olds are more mature than me hahahahaha. well she was a WOMAN though. women are naturally immature. like children. children who cant keep their legs closed hahahaha.

so yeah normies get their hearts broke but its not as big of a deal to them. or they dont fall so hard for someone they are not dating/fooking.  normies just wouldnt understand. they say yeaaaahhhh something is a little weird about this guy, and he should probably see a shrink and get on some meds already. oh he is? hmm well uhh maybe he should try some diff meds and a diff shrink, the current program isnt working so well hahahaha.

the ironic thing is, I think a Decent Monog Longterm Rel with a Woman WOULD help the majority of foreveralone despairing virgin men, give them real confidence in something that is really meaningful to them, and literally transform them. theyve wanted this for so long but never got it. dont you think them finally achieving it would change their lives?

but maybe it would be like winning the lottery. theyd find a way to fook it up.

i dunno. give them a CHANCE at least. if that woman gave me a CHANCE, i think i would have had a good chance of not fooking it up!

normies also dont understand why it takes us so LONG to get over somebody. so just virginsplain to them that if their wife with whom they have created new life just up and left them without a word and that was it, how long would it take THEM to get over THAT? at LEAST a year.

or the person just dropped dead suddenly one day. but still i think being left is WORSE than that, because you’re not certain that the person who dropped dead WANTED to LEAVE you. as far as you know, they still loved you till the very end.

so yeah this is rougher than a death hahahaha. because they WANT to leave you, they’re still alive out there fooking and loving OTHER guys, and they dont give a DAMN about you and your broken heart and the time you spent together. they’ve FORGOTTEN about you entirely. dead people cant forget you like this hahahaha. dead peopel arent moving on fooking and loving other people and enjoying life.

you can move on and enjoy all the cox and abortions and tyrones you want, just dump a person the right way, not the wrong way.

implying that women are even capable of doing things the right way.

hehehe well i KNOW they are, because OTHER women have dumped me the right way. and I appreciate it hahaha. thank you so much for dumping me the right way.

ok took shower, go to boring church today. i was trying to “fast” until 12pm, that would give me 18 hours of “fasting.” the old 18/6 as opposed to the 16/8 hahahahaha. i was starting to ger hungery so yeah. then ate 290 calorie breakfast/lunch.

ive been VERY good about not looking her up on linkedin or facebook or instagram or google. VERY good. so +1 to me hahahaha. i mean i wouldnt be able to see any more than her fb profile picture, but that’s bad enough. to even see ONE picture of her would be WAY too much.

then i think about people who are Friends with their Exes 4 Lyfe. I just cant wrap my mind around it at all!

i mean it could possibly be doable if BOTH peopel mutually agreed that the rel was over and that NEITHER person wanted to work on it. and NEITHER person wanted the other back. i guess I am envious to have such a Mutual, Amicable Breakup hahahaha.  seems a lot less stressful than knowing you have to restrain yourself from seeing even ONE picture or ONE comment or ONE reminder that they are still alive, for YEARS.

like i am thinking of these people i will see at this little labor day event. the one guy is married and has a kid and his wife and maybe kid will be there with him…..but he is still friends with his ex gf from 10 years ago! and they dated for several years and she was kinda crazy! and she is married to some other guy now. and she is going to this thing as well! they still see each other once a year or so! heh if i were his wife i would be suspicious hahahaha. its called a break up because its BROKEN hahahaha. but then youre jealous, youre the bad guy. maybe he gets a freecard to fook her hahahaha. now im just speculating. but this guy had a LOT more wild oats than me, he was pretty much an alpha male ladies man. now he has a good career and a nice wife and child. hehehehe funny to think that when  first met him he was an 18 year old kinda nerdy kid who had only had 1 GF hahaha (much more than i had had as a nerdy 18 year old hahaha) and I kinda Corrupted him by introducing him to MJ!!!!

well he turned out MORE than all right and I turned into a big loser hahaha. maybe winner normies can be issue free friends with their x’es. i just don’t want him to do anything DEGENERATE, because he’s a good guy and he can do BETTER than that. of course nothing degenerate has actually happened to my knowledge! i just think its weird to be friends with your x’s and to have the x at a holiday weekend with your wife and the wife is fine with it too!

meanwhile i have to make a concerted effort to never look at a single picture of HER ever again, and we didnt even date for 2-3 years and fook 6000000000000000 times like this guy and his x did!

so i am a bit jelly of a serious relationship ending without any Lingering Trauma hahahaha.

and they still have SOME sort of relationship technically!

how does his wife feel about this? how does her husbando feel about this? is she still married to the husbando? i dont think THEY had any kids. i dont fully trust her, although i always got along with her. i wouldnt want to be in a rel with her! she was kinda crazy, in the way that you can never fully trust crazy! she went on to be wildly successful and started doing a phd but then left after the masters level to make tons of money in Private Industry. probably not in a call center hahahaha.

i guess i am also envious of crazy people who can still be extremely successful despite their despair or bipolar or whatever.

anyway shes ok, she’s white, thats the main thing, so she should go down to part time and have some white kids. her husbando had a high paying job in finance or some shit. controller or CFO or some high level, high wealth Career. she can afford to take some time off and have babies. 3 of them. i think he’s white too. could be Jooish but I don’t think so. could be though. has dark hair. i never met him. but if he’s white, they should have kids. but she might pass her crazy on to them? she’s not a bad person though. would i trust her with homeschooling children? maybe. i mean having children could well be very good for her.

anyway i dont hate her, i just thought she was kinda weird, and i was a bit annoyed by her overachieving. it paid off in an impressive career though!

anyway i anticipate i will get along with her just fine, i always did before, and she was always nice to me and me to her. situation is just kinda weird is all. but theres no point for me to tell HER that! or him. if it doesn’t bother either of them, it doesnt matter.

i am just obsessed with Relationships in general. and getting Nosy into other people’s business.

especially if i KNOW the people, and there is anything weird about the rels. or the rels are ending or failing. i am interested in the Death of Rels hahahaha.

well their rel certainly didnt DIE! it changed, maybe downgraded, and in a mutual way! me and that woman, our rel just DIED. permanently. DNR. RIP. Although I for sure wanted to resuscitate it!

when you want something for so long, well its not like food and water, you wont DIE……but you do become TWISTED and WEIRD. to have an unscratchable itch for 10, 12, 14 years, and to never experience something that Normies experience.

in the mood for some depressive su1z1dal black metal, i hear this one is pretty good, and i actually remember listening to it like 4 years ago when i first discovered DSBM.

i recall it being ok. it gets good reviews.

i could very well be bipolar hahahaha. only i dont get manic episodes. i just get brief episodes where i am kinda wound up and not thinking straight. well that is a manic episode no? yeah but i am not staying up 3 days in a row Tweaking and doing impulsive shit. but i am generally “one extreme or the other” in my thoughts and attitudes. so maybe i have “mild bipolar” and taking some lithium would help me be more productive and successful.

churn out moar job apps, get thru moar interviews, and once i get a job, survive its shittiness one day at a time. put myself out on okcupid and try to get the table scraps there hahahaha. Post HER, I cant imagine ever Loving another woman again.

i mean why SHOULD you lower your standards when you are looking to spend the rest of your LIFE with somebody and you want to create THREE NEW LIVES with them? does it make ANY sense to lower your standards for that? FOOK NO!!!! Either I luv them the same or MORE than i luved her, or NO new lives will be created!!!!!!!!1111

WHY THE HELL SHOULD YOU CREATE NEW LIFE AND SPEND THE REST OF YOUR LIFE WITH SOMEBODY YOU ARE NOT MADLY IN LUV WITH?

or to rephrase that, someone you are just kinda “MEH” about. i realize Mad Luv fades, but i am implying that it Of COURSH follows with a deep, abiding, Loyal, Foundational, Strong, Faithful Luv.

coldworld just came out with his first album in 8 years hahahaha. cover is a little corny but album is allegedly good hahahaha.  not really DSBM as much as melancholic black metal hahahaha. i recall the melancholie2 album was decent. prob better with some MJ and good headphones hahahaha.

yeah well though i have trouble reaching muh goals, at least i have a good family and i am not a superfat slob anymore. still want to lose 10 more pounds tho. and it will be the hardest.

also now i have nice clothes to wear in the interview. and nice friends who remember me after years and invite me places. i mean i am kinda nervous because i dont have any stories to tell, and i am a huge loser and they are all happy winner normies. but i try to not ram my loser weirdo neetness down their throat, and try to be as normie as i can. play down my loserness and insecurity and self-loathing cuz i know that comes across as VERY overbearing. so i dont overbear others with it. just in this blog and when i am by myself!

i didnt overbear HER with it either, she had barely any idea how crazy i am! i just overbeared her with pathetic pleas to pleeeeeeease hang out with meeeeeeeeee pleeeeeeeeeeeeeeeease respond.

aug 14

just spent all day reading about metal, mainly DSBM, but some regular non DSBM like this quebec nationalist black metal band forteresse, sheeeeeit all sorts of black metal. very close to giving ruins of beverast another chance.

well lets just put it this way, i like metal Solo Projects with Real Drums. Drum machines suck. also when you add more people it risks diluting the musical vision and purity. 2-person bands are also ok.

so basically you just tell women you want to HANG OUT and then you use a little GAME and if the first “date” goes ok, then you can get a second date, and then you bang them on the second date. this is insanely slutty!

it is so insane and disgusting and horrifying that THAT WOMAN is doing exactly that with a carousel of guys she meets on dating sites and tinder!

i guess this is women’s programming to get pregnant as soon as possible, by any means necessary. and then you NEED to have an abortion or oops baby to teach you a lesson. and then you forget that lesson after a few months, become a slut again, and have another abortion or oops baby.

ABSOLUTELY DISGUSTING.

welp i generally dont like 80 minute albums but might as well dive in here. i think some dude MJ lmao and good headphones would help a lot here. unfortuantely i have neither hehehe.

well even the pickup guys who like to bang sluts say that half of women dont bang on the second date. this is great news.

heh maybe half of THEM bang on the THIRD date. so, 75% of women bang on 3rd date, 88% on 4th, 94% on 5th, 97% on 6th, 99% on 7th, hahahahaha. doing a little rounding there.

i dunno. i am still not over her. she was SPECIAL to me goddamn it! she wasnt some random slut! yet to other guys she wilfull presents herself as a random slut. unbelieveable. disgusting. revolting.

interview tomorrow for part time job. 12k a year hahahahaha. well at least its permanent part time hahahaha. and i have worked with this organization before. but it is IMPOSSIBLE to get a full time job here. you have to REALLY know someone powerful . i thought i did, but i either didnt know them well enough or they werent powerful enough. prob both.

went for powerwalk. lyrinx was meh, ruins of beverast was interesting, not as bad production as i expected, but still pretty rough.

anyway i dont like having a special rel thrown away like it was not special. it makes me think the WHOLE THING was an illusion….WHEN IT WASNT.

also, i probably did NOT do something HORRIBLY WRONG AND BAD…..although it was very confusing and bad for me because i got the same reaction as if i had, and it was ENTIRELY up to me to cnvince myself that i hadn’t! and i am not very good at that!

also, i never want to do anything terrible, but i am aware that i might do something terrible, and i want someone to let me know so i can learn from it and never do it again! and she sort of let me know that i did something terrible.

but she DIDNT. she didnt do ANYTHING. maybe i did something bad, maybe I didnt.

http://www.online-stopwatch.com/cash-clock/

hehehehe time is money wagie, tick tock, back to work, another day another dollar.

so yeah i like it when the woman lets you know you didnt do anything terrible that makes you a terrible person, they say its not you its me. i like that. its cliche but it WORKS, it really MEANS something.

i dont want to be such an autistic sociopath that i do horrible things without knowing! i dont want to be a terrible person to other poeple!!!11

so yeah she could have been better in letting me know that i was not a terrible person basically.

and it took me a fookin YEAR to convince myself that she was just Overloaded and Ran Away. but jeez. at least send a messenger. send one last message. wasnt our earlier rel important to YOU???!?!?! Im pretty sure it was! dont be DISHONEST and pretend it wasnt!

but yeah its gonna be the father who teaches his daughter morals, including sexual morality. how to pick a good man. how to wait 8 dates before fooking. how to not bang too many guys. how to pick a good guy young. how to not cheat. how to dump a guy the right way. how to not lead a guy on. the mother just cant do this. because women cant TEACH shit. funny how most “teachers” are WOMEN!

so she turned out ok despite no father. she still hurt me greatly and i wish i had never met her. so if i had followed my never associate with fatherless women rule, then i never would have met her (or at least got attached to her), and my life would have been better.

i mean shit. it just sucks when you have to say “I WISH I NEVER MET YOU. YOU MADE MY LIFE WORSE. YOU BROUGHT MORE BAD THAN GOOD. YOU WERE A NET LOSS.”

when people have an Amicable Break Up, they don’t say THAT. they dont wish they never MET the person.

theres this book called The Ethical Slut which used to trigger me because being a slut isnt ethical, but i guess the book assumes a basis of do no harm, and communicate boundaries, and dont treat people like garbage, and how to communicate about awkward feelings in case your fuccboi gets feelings and you just wanna fucc moar fuccbois.

in other words, i would have LOVED being treated with the ethical guidelines advocated by The Ethical SLut hahahaha. i think.

http://candieportfoilo.yolasite.com/resources/The%20Ethical%20Slut.pdf

its NOT OK to NOT COMMUNICATE with your lovers or yourself hahahaha.  THANK YOU. hahahaha

http://openingup.net/

opening up by the degen slut tristan taormino is argued to be the better book.

heh. i am looking to the MOST DEGEN PEOPLE for advice on Ethical, Mature, Healthy Relships hahahaha. THAT is how IMPORTANT good COMMUNICATION is to ALL relationships, even degen slut ones.

EVEN DEGENERATE POLYAMOROUS SLUTS COMMUNICATE.

I agree with them that communication and respecting feelings is important, ethical, and good!

ok i think i have made my point hahahaha.

i watched “Fargo” last night on viceland degen tv. this is one of those movies that i have wanted to watch beginning to end but had never done so. i had seen the first 30 minutes recently and was quite intrigued. so i was glad to see it here and i caught it right at the beginning. decided to watch the whole thing. there were frequent commercials so that did not help. but overall i found it disappointing. it could and should have been a lot better. just because coen brothers are degen J’s doesn’t mean they haven’t made great movies. but some of them are not so great. this one tilts towards that, when I expected it NOT to.

joos writing supergoys seemed pretty condescending, patronizing, like look at these STUPID WHITE HICKS.

did the guys wife end up dying? i felt they really treated her like a piece of meat. thats somebodys mother. even if the kid is a brat and the father is a scumbag.

i guess frances mcdormand was the moral compass and that was ok…..but I would have liked to see that extend to the other goy characters, like the kidnapped wife. i mean did the big goy barbarian just knock her out, or sociopathically kill her like he did everyone else? did the kidnappers have any intention of doing a “fair” trade? were they just gonna kill the wife all along? why? why was the injun beating steven buscemi with a belt? prob because he drew the attention of the po po on him, i guess. but nothing ever happened to the injun. they never arrested him. or maybe they did later.

just seemed kinda lazy and sloppy and i know coen brothers can do better than this.

unless there are buried hints like a david lynch movie.

why was bill macy in financial trouble to begin with? why did he scam 320k from GMAC car loans if he just needed 1 car to give the criminals? it seemed like he wanted 750k to be loaned from his father in law.

maybe im just asking too many questions. but that is what i do. blame muh job. need to know everything about everything.

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Fargo_(film)

ok so the gmac loan is what he needs the money FOR. but why was he trying to scam them in the first place? gambling? hookers?

and why “fargo” if most of the movie took place in brainerd and minneapolis? he first met the kidnappers in fargo but thats about it.

I mean it was GOOD, but it wasnt nearly as good as i expected. it was disappointing and lazy and sloppy and i feel like i missed something. maybe they edited out important stuff for commercials. i guess the wife is supposed to be dead.

big lebowski was better, raising arizona and millers crossing were WAY better.

this should not be considered a top shelf coen brothers movie. it was lazy and patronizing. how did it win an oscar for best screenplay. how did it become such a phenomenon, with critics and fans shitting themselves over it?

i didnt really like “no country for old men” either.

i did really like the main musical theme of fargo though.

hahahahahahahaha

i didnt think it really SUCKED, I just thought it was ok, not great. is was disappointing and the coens can do better.

i have enjoyed coens films for YEARS and I totally understand and get their style. the layers and subtleties. the dialogue and dialects. ok thats FINE.

i might have liked it more if i saw it years ago, when i was more prone to suck the coen bros jooish dicks.

and i prob would have liked it moar with no commericials, and ucddling with a waifu.

that can make bad movies good.

http://goaskalice.columbia.edu/answered-questions/why-did-she-break-me

its good to Grieve but dont let it CONSUME you hhahahahaha. easier said than done. well it doesnt consume me as much hahaha. but other things do.

like oh god i am unqualified at everything, incompetent, can never get a job or a woman, completely worthless hahaha.

anyway. sheeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeit.

so lets just assume 50% of women are dirty n>=4 whores and 50% are decent n<4 marriageable women. because we just DONT KNOW, and the great rule of thumb is, always assume 50/50 when you DONT KNOW.

i can live with 50/50!

i mean i think being a high number slut who gives it up real quick is a good proxy or way to measure a womans morality and trustworthiness in general. do they really walk the walk. or are they loose. hotdog in a hallway. jsut a damn mercenary riding the coch carousel, where she has given many men a Turn. It MATTERS and STOP PRETENDING IT DOESNT!!!! But they’re not pretending, they TRULY BELIEVE it doesnt matter. totally brainwashed.

okok i need some TROB with……clearer production.  the newest one is generally rated the lowest but its the only one i havent heard at all.  plus i just straight up RESPECK this guy, he is just very special, i dont care that he is a pagan hahahahahahaha. tree worshipper.  he also has Male Pattern Baldness and a Hirsute Robin Williams like body. this endears him even more to me.

i would totally make a moderate effort to see him live. i am glad he likes to play live. why the hell wouldnt you. like these black metal phaggots that are too grim to play. or dsbm people that are too despaired to play live. come on. even trist played live a few times.

i mean yeah the fans are degenerate losers but theres probably one guy there like me who is not hahaha. who is really enjoying your show.

interview tomorrow and i am not even worried or anxious. how can you, for an 11 dollar 20 hour a week job. good god. why do i even wear a suit. why do i think i need a NICE suit.  well at least now i have a nice suit in case i need it. and i just wear it to every damn interview anyway. i am pretty happy about the suit. i had been meaning to get one for YEARS, at least 4 years or so.

i was glad to hear people on the daily shoah agree that MULTITASKING is BULLSHIT. total BULLSHIT. i couldnt agree more. but you HAVE to say you are REALLY REALLY good at it. but if youre HONEST with yourself, it just means you do a shitty, distracted job on many tasks at once. only the most autistic people like rainman MIGHT be good at multitasking. only half of the 1% most autistic people might be good at multitasking. its fookin BULLSHIT, end of story. but we are not allowed to say that. worse, we are forced to actually attempt to multitask!

i dont mind that women are like children……..except for the fact that they do a LOT MORE DAMAGE that children. they break hearts and cheat and ruin lives without remorse. children don’t do this. you dont give the baby a machine gun.

women are like babies born with machine guns. but in the past, society used to do what it could to put the safety on that gun, or take it away.

but why should women be born with something theyre TOO IMMATURE TO USE?

so they can get pregnant as soon as possible, that’s why.

and if they choose poorly, either them, the baby, or both can suffer the consequences for that AFTER the baby is born. but not before.

maybe men and women are not as different as i thought. they just want to fook any (secsy) thing that moves, no regard to the consequences. they dont care who they hurt. we are an r selected inger species hehehehe.

yeah well we WHIITES HAVE to be better than that. maybe thats how humans started, but thats not what WE evolved into. WHITES DONT DO R SELECTION. and it disgusts me to see white women doing it.

women dont have to do time in the prison of relationshiplessness hahahaha. they don’t get tons of TIME to THINK about the DYNAMICS and the ins and outs of relationships because they’re too busy being IN them. they never have a chance to view it from the OUTSIDE. think outside of the box hahahaha.

with me and other foreveralone nevergf virgins, its the exact opposite. we spend all our time thinking about rels, and exactly ZERO time actually IN them!

isnt that funny hahahaha.

holy sheet this one guy who i used to work with at my fun job which i left……..almost 3 years ago, he is still working there! this is just sad because he is older than me, has a degree, has his teaching certificate, and can get a FT teacher job, just sub shit. and they have hired two FT people in the department in the 3 years since i left, and they did not offer HIM the job! maybe they did but he said no? i wuldnt have said no! they interviewed ME for one of those jobs. i didnt get it and i was kinda pissed. why didnt they interview me for the other one? i cant remember exactly when the other one happened. before or after the one interview i had.

maybe i was that shitty of an employee hahahaha. but i dont think so. i definitely was not an electrifying team leader however, and i did not schmooze with Higher Ups like i should have. I just nodded my head and did what they told me and was nice to everybody. but the people i schmoozed best with were not higher ups. they were just level 1 saps like me, or in different departments. the maintenance guy.

heh wasnt good enough to get me an interview when i applied for the maintenance job a few months ago, for the 3 days a year the position is open. blink and you will miss it. literally.

 

 

GAS THE NORMIES NEET UPRISING NOW

july 23

had weird nightmare that people were gradually being taken over by aliens. like body snatchers but they didnt look like humans at all, they looked more like Giant HR Giger Xenomorphs.

funny that you seem to be sleeping the deepest when you are having a terrifying nightmare that you WANT to wake up from. normally you LIKE and WANT to be sleeping deeply. but not now.

is it a good or a bad thing when an employer makes you  print out and sign an application and makes you come in to the office between 4:30pm to drop off the physical papers?

it sounds embarrassingly behind the times, like you’re hiding behind this outdated procedure and will keep the best candidates away.

but there’s also the argument that its a barrier to entry that will keep the WORST candidates away.

so, are you keeping away GOOD candidates, or keeping BAD candidates away?

probably BOTH tbh. you just snip off the outlying tails: the very best AND the very worst.

is it worth it?

but then this is a municipal position where quality is not necessarily necessary!

but companies can be inefficient as fook TOO. and managers much more incompetent than the people they manage.

well, the BEST candidates will eventually find jobs anyway, and probably not without having to go thru 20 interviews, or submitting six hundred applications.

in other words, i am more bad than good hahahaha. on the bad side of the bell curve hehehehe. below average. how do below average people get jobs? by looking for BELOW AVERAGE JOBS.

having an honest perception of what YOUR value on the market really is.  be like, i’m not worth much, and I know it.

but i kinda want the municipal, unionized, 37.5 hours a week, job, so i will follow their EMBARRASSINGLY OUTDATED policies of printing out the pdf.

do they just not KNOW how to accept applications electonically? there are LOTS of people out there who dont know how 2 email, how to add attachments to an email, cant grok how to make passwords for an account. hell no will they know how to set up a pdf to accept a verified signature.

shit you dont even NEED a signature. you can just type in your full name, or check this box to act as your signature.

or just email a god damn resume and cover letter and be done with it.

but noooooooooooooooooo.

I’ve got to PRINT OUT SIXTEEN PAGES and do a signature in ink.

but its a 34k job. kind of out of my league no?

yeah well i have recently interviewed for a 40k a year job mother fooker hahahaha.

aaannnnddd the professional woman i interviewed with on wednesday is not gonna accept my linkedin invite, even though she has 250 connections. well i didnt EXPECT her to anyway. but i am still ENTITLED to call her a bitch hahahaha even though my EXPECTATIONS were MANAGED hahahaha.

the LANGUAGE these people speak! so gay. GAY.wav. YOU FAIRY.wav.

http://www.realmofdarkness.net/pc/sb/pacino/3

oh lord soundboards hahahahahaha

i dont care if david mamet is a HUGE joo, this is still a great movie.

stands the test of time better than woody allens immoral filth.

i am thinking david mamet is way more moral than woody allen.

hopefully. i’m certainly willing to throw mamet in the oven too if he doesnt pass the test.

thats emblematic of muh confusion and weakness, i used to be a HUGE woody allen fan. I thought his neurotic bullshit was SOPHISTICATED and INTELLIGENT.

i still dont really want to crap on “hannah and her sisters”, prob my fav allen film.

but i can definitely crap on it where needed. like its never ok to cheat on your wife with your wifes sister. or to cheat on your boifran with your sisters husband. and woody allen attempting to write goy characters is more insulting and patronizing than women writing male characters hahahaha.  he makes the goys so weak and jooish rather than strong and proud.

absolutely no need to watch woody’s homages to bergman, just watch bergman instead, and there’s big problems with bergman too. he was a white goy but imho he symbolizes sweden becoming jooified. behind every swede there is a joo rubbing his hairy merchant hands hahahaha. be like the poles and throw the bums out.

it’s hard to see all this when you are a 20 year old child swept up in the romanticism of it all.

so youre a jooish neet offended by my anti jooishness? too bad. have your rich father get you a job and get you expensive psych md’s. go to the jcc and bang 18 year jooish sluts. become a counselor at joocamp and bang the female joocamp counselors. just dont get butthurt when theyre banging all the other male counselors. and administrators.

its easier for whites to become neets than joos, because in the current year, joos have a better social support system. your whole family can be poor white trash doing meth and drinking moonshine. there’s no counterpart in the jooish community. every joo has a rich uncle or cousin. doctors, lawyers, executives, business owners. shit you could probably get a job in israel too.  i have no desire to help joos. they have enough help. my fellow goyim are the ones who NEED help in this area.

the fatherland made a good point in epsidoe 36 (i think), the one with jeronimus guest and in fatherland after dark hour 3, they talked about “The BQ” and using MJ.

they made the good point that even though MJ is degenerate, you dont need to get into a Purity Spiral about it, and if you Do MJ once a year to help you Bond Deeper with your Wife, that is fine. Exec Producer Bradan “Killer of Dogs” tells story about how he was having marital trouble so they went to a church sponsored marriage retreat. there was an implied point which I would have made explicit: oh you mean his wife didnt just leave him when the going got tough? she was willing to go get marital help with him, and put in effort to WORK through the tough times? good.

anyway part of the thing was they got a night in a nice hotel, so they decided to go to the washington state legal MJ dispensary and get some brownies to spice up the night. they had a lot of fun and did not turn into degen MJ zombies like 75% of MJ users.

point is, degen things, in MODERATION, are not so bad.

except being a slut and giving up secs to strangers easily. but that was never on the table. these are men doing degen things in strcit moderation with their LONGTERM MONOG WIVES.

like the idea of doing Butt Stuff with your Wife just once to say you did it. totally different than crazy butt sluts getting random bar badbois to do me in the ass.

they mentioned a degenerate bar that was doing a “walk of shame” promotion by giving free bloody marys to any woman who showed a receipt for PLAN B purchase. we all agreed that was absolutely disgusting.

i felt bad for jeronimus because he didnt have the best showing. he could have done a lot better and I think he was just having an off day. he sounded a bit like an autist and also was not talking where his opinion would have been very welcome by me.

i can relate. like where you just have a BAD DAY and then the whole world judges you for that. and you know you’re having a bad day but you just can’t shake it. you just have to survive through it, try to get good sleep, and hopefully tomorrow will be better. but when everyone is judging you and thinking youre a loser and an autist and an ubermensch and a neet just because you’re having a bad day and you can’t communicate quite right…….that SUCKS.

its HARD to be at the top of your communication game at all times, especially when talking to people all day.

that’s why I will always accept emails as valid form of communication too hahahahaha. shit, take a few days and email me when you are having a better day.

so i gotta drive out there during working hours, which normies could not do, print out 16 pages of paper, which could probably cost 1$ to mail which normies would have to do, then pay 25c at the parking meter hahaha. just to Drop Off a job application.

hungary. another great country. white as hell. weird asian language but that hasnt stopped finns from being great. and hungarians are probably less asian than finns ahahahahahhahaha.

you know your gf is at least a 7 when you can honestly say you would LIKE to see her in a bathing suit, especially a 2-piece “bikini” type. if the thought makes you cringe…..she is below a 7 for sure. and i would never want to be with that type of woman long term, or Create New Life with her!

yeah physical attraction is crude, but its necessary even for a principled moral nondegenerate. needless to say, i found That Woman very attractive. technically she was a 7, but 7 is still pretty good, and with my luv for her, she skyrocket to an 8, 9, or 10. WIFE GOGGLES. LUV GOGGLES. I would have LUVED to see her in a bathing suit. all that soft white flesh.

people are FAT because they are so busy WORKING they dont have TIME to eat and be healthy. Since they are WORKING 60 hours a week at least, having working lunches, all they can do is get fast food, and INHALE the fast food while they do their WORK. and THAT is why people are morbidly obese.  and then even if all you did after you got out of work between work and bed, was exercise, it wouldnt be enough to burn off all that god damn mcdonalds you ate like a pig. an overworked pig hahahaha.

its not uncommon for people to have heart attacks and die on the job, i learned. doesnt have to be a physical job at all. they just need to be fat and unhealthy and older. spend all day eating fast food, drinking soda, dealing with 90000 angry customers, and you giving them the runaround on their confusing issues because it costs too much to fix the problem with your shitty product and erything is a goddamn charade, you get stressed out, boom heart attack dead.

great. how fancy do i have to dress up for dropping off a damn application? i mean its the hottest part of the summer (which i am very thankful for, i luv hot weather), its 90 degrees out there so….

i mean i will dress up for the job, i will dress up for an interview and wear a suit coat in 90 degree waether while i wipe my forehead with paper towels, but dropping off an application? i havent dropped off an application in 3 years hahahaha. and that was for a damn municipal job too. noticing a pattern here. cities are inefficient and incompetent hahahaha and only survive because they are public tax supported leviathans.

kinda want to get some sun early in the afternoon. like 1 pm.

ok did that. did 2.8 mile powerwalk in 95 degree weather, about 55 minutes, got some good sun, vitamin d, took shower.

sheeeeit. 1 year into The Recovery and only now am I realizing that SHE DIDNT KNOW ME AS WELL AS I THOUGHT SHE DID.

In other words WE WERENT AS CLOSE AS I THOUGHT WE WERE.

I thought we were close because I knew alot about her. women don’t usually let me get that close. (but they spread their life creators for random men for instant gratification like ingras.)

really? you think its SPECIAL that a WOMAN is TALKING ABOUT HERSELF?

heh well i did because she didnt seem like a narcissist exhibitionist and actually had a private life.

but point im trying to make, did she really know ME? HELL NO!!! She didnt know about my past with women, she didnt know the story of muh high school and college years, she didnt know that much about my life prior to when i started working at the easy job with her.

i mean, i dont really LIKE talking about these things with people, and she didnt really want to PRY them out of me. the result is, she didn’t know ME NEARLY as wel as I knew HER.

and yeah that was my fault. mostly.

but it also explains how she could forget about me a LOT easier than I could forget about her. she didnt really KNOW me.

hehehehe it’s not really a POSITIVE, feelgood realization hahaha.

maybe if she REALLY knew me, she would have DITCHED me a LOT EARLIER.

and THAT would have been GOOD because it would have saved me a lot of pain!

lesson: make sure they know YOU just as much as you know THEM. if they are telling you intimate things about themselves, return the favor with telling them intimate things about you.

nobody told me that being a WEIRDO would make you a loser with women and with friends…….but it would ALSO affect your ability to MAKE A LIVING as nobody wants to HIRE a WEIRDO.

NOBODY WANTS TO HIRE A WEIRDO. 

heheheh.

thing is, i’m not THAT weird, i am just shy and quiet and boring and lame. i am not a total psychopath, i just have really low quality. like an ahtlete with a really low rating. im just shitty at everything hahahahaha.

too boring, too shy, too wimpy, too quiet, too prudish, too nervous, too awkward, too lame.

also you GOT to have something wrong with you to be 30+ years old and never had a REAL gf. theres a huge red flag there!

so because of THAT people think I am a psycho weirdo creep…..but really I never had a GF because I not too weird, but just didn’t quite make the grade. like a DUD. almost made the minimum, but not quite.

he’s not a PSYCHO, he’s just BELOW THE MINIMUM, hahahahahaha.

why would a company keep re-posting a job like a month later?

why would they delete all the resumes they were sent the first time around?

because none of the 1000 resumes the first time were good enough?

they are holding out for a better candidate, than the 1000 candidates they have got so far?

why not just call the best person out of that 1000?

because the best person out of that 1000 wasn’t good enough, so now they’re gonna try to get a NEW 1000?

or is it just Job Growth Theater? its not a real job opening? they don’t intend to EVER fill this “job?” it just makes it LOOK like their company is doing well, or the economy is doing well?

you think their Office Manager even knows? you’d have to talk to the area manager or president or ceo or board. and you aren’t gonna talk to them. you can’t.

and even if you COULD, you think they’d tell YOU? Joe Flabeetz off the the Streetz?

thinking about recreationally using nyquil during the day, same way I would smoke an MJ if i had some.

no, OF COURSE i would not go over the dosage because im aware of the dangers of acetominophen, unlike women or nonwhites.

so bradan fatherland is like 40 years old and has only done MJ like 3 times in his life. and he lives in damn washington where its LEGAL. i dont think we need to worry about HIM. No I like him a lot, he is very laid back and much less autistic than jim, and probably more fun to hang out with hahahaha.

i mean i really like all the guys on the show. ryan no1 i might have the most mancrush on because he is a total alpha male, very charismatic, and probably has an attractive 7 or above wife hhahahaha. and otto just seems like a very nice, friendly, down to earth guy. jim is the most ridiculous and autistic, but he’s a good guy too.

but i also think about george feels. so he lives in colorado and DOESNT do MJ, that says a lot in my book. ANYONE who lives in a legal weed state and isnt 420 blaze it all day long. not that thats a good thing! its DEGENERATE to use MJ every day! smoke weed erry day! THATS DEGENERATE AF!!!!! but i can totally understand it, IVE BEEN THERE, and I might go back there again. it TEMPTS me like none other.

George feels, i think it might help him tho. prob better than him drinking. not that he drinks THAT much. oh you drank 5 beers last night. get back to me when you are drinking at least 12 beers a day. and go on binges where you stay up all night drinking over a Fifth of Hard Booze getting wasted AF. I dont think george does this. he drinks 4 or 5 ciders or guinesses a few nights a week and feels all guilty about it. he’s not even driving around drunk hahahaha.

get back to me when you are drinking cheap malt liquor, cheap bottom shelf whiskey, or cheap boxed wine.

people who want to get drunk so bad they will drink steel reserve WARM.

just the thought of it makes me nauseous now. thank god. that is the proper reaction.

this is why i like podcasts with 2 people having an interview or conversation. they can pull you out of Downward Spirals of Negative Thoughts, and you can do the same for them. Which is why i think it would be a real neat thing for me to have a Skype Talk with George Feels.

more than 2 people, it gets tricky, like on the fatherland. then some people dont talk so much. 3 is do able but 4 is prob too much.

same deal with the millennial woes hangouts. prob why i stopped listening to those. just too many damn people.

2 people is my sweet spot.

HA, company wants references who are NOT former employers/managers, but who have been your NEIGHBORS for 3 to 5 years. Apparently Eggy got butthurt at this and was rude to the recruiter hahahaha.

i have seen a few applications ask for Non Work References, so I just used the same Work References as usually do. I never had a real life recruiter ask for them though.

well eggy will be blacklisted by that recruiter…..but recruiters are bullshit anyway basically meant to keep people AWAY from jobs. more job theater. i mean they never get back to you anyway. except maybe with eggy they put a note in his file saying this guy is an autist who got angry at the recruiter. if they even have a system for cases. candidate tracking system. they just throw everything away hahahaha. SORRY WE HAVE NO RECORD OF THAT.

just curious. WHY do recruiters ask for non work related references?

to paint a FULLER PICTURE of you than employers can give? to really know what kind of person you are? to screen out weirdos and neets and autists that do good work but are antisocial and weird? again, its all bullshit designed to turn people AWAY. they REALLY DONT CARE. NEVER has a non work related reference MADE THE DIFFERENCE. i just want to see the kind of bullshit the recruiters say about why they do this jooery.

http://www.askamanager.org/2013/04/why-do-employers-ask-for-personal-references-rather-than-professional-ones.html

i actually respect and sort of trust askamanager’s opinion. and she agrees personal references are BULLSHIT. THANK YOU.

ok just had some nyquil. 6.11 pm.

today is the type of PERFECT DAY to go to the lake. 90 degrees all day, HOT and sunny. i wanted to go to the lake but i didnt want to go alone. and i couldnt think of anyone i wanted to go to the lake with……except YOU KNOW WHO. and i havent talked to her in a YEAR.

what would alpha male do? just go to the lake alone and then make tons of hawt young female friends when he shows up by being all charismatic.

COMPANIES should run SCHOOLS. currently schools, even GOOD schools, can’t guarantee that you will be employable. if Companies Ran Schools For Children, K-12, this wouldn’t happen.

If Companies Ran Schools….well at the very least the kids would be prepared for a job at that company hahahaha.

schools would just be 12 years of job training.

why dont they just do that?

but then again, i am a fooking OUTLIER. most normies who go to normie skool get normie jobs.  i am only speaking for 1% of the popular. the real WEIRDOS.

but I’m not a WEIRDO, I’m just SUBPAR, hahaha. SUBMINIMUM.  just Not Good Enough, Unfortunately.  Not what we were looking for, sorry.

well, thank you for saying sorry at least! hahahaha.

instead of saying B+ or B or A in your job bookmarks, i have started putting like B+, APPLY!!! in them, so I know which ones I am more serious about applying for. because that’s all that REALLY matters. am I REALLY gonna apply to this one or not. Some job you know right away. those you put APPLY!!! in the bookmark title so you can spot them quickly, when you are ready to apply for a few jobs and want to take a break from scouring the damn indeed list of fake jobs hahaha.

i thought about how i wanted to take HER to the lake and beach and stare at her big pale white ass in a bathing suit and then have luving but masculine pair bonding secs with her.

then i thought, well she’s just doing that with someone else now. well, she’s probably working at her new job, making 16 dollars an hour, which i can never hope to make. and shell have a long hard day and then see her new boifran and night and get some long hard dick to relieve all that stress.

FINE. you can take all the dicks you want. just TREAT ME THE WAY YOU WOULD WANT TO BE TREATED. TREAT ME LIKE A HUMAN BEING WITH FEELINGS AND A HEART. JUST BE NICE TO ME.  you can take all the black cok you want, just BE NICE to me when you dump me.

If i were to do skypes, i’d do one with george feels, def do one with millennial woes, do some with these guys from depression forums. maybe one with a fatherland guy. hahahaha assuming any of those guys would say yes to the idea hahahaha.

i have two main interests apart from muh own navelgazing: huhwhyte nationalist and loser neet feels hahahaha. maybe GOD wants me to combine the two.

well, lemme just say I’m very comfortable speaking for the loser neet feels community. I am NOT comfortable at all speaking for the other community.  i just CANT. they dont want losers speaking for them, shit I dont want losers speaking for them, as a loser I dont WANT to speak for them.

maybe GOD is trying to teach me a lesson to not be racist, and he is gonna answer my prayers in a mysterious way. like i want to have a white waifu and have white children, maybe what GOD will do is send me a stumpy potatoey laotian single mother and i will get to be a surrogate father to her asian bastards, to teach me that Race doesn’t really matter, and that you can love children who aren’t your children as if they ARE your children.

and I would say to the LORD, sorry but thats just not good enough. I asked for WHITE children. white biological children of my own. that was the MINIMUM. you gave me SUB MINIMUM. I do not accept your halfass answer to my prayers. dont you have a QUALITY department hahahahaha. this one is a DUD, hahaha. NOT GOOD ENOUGH. GOTTA DO BETTER, LORD.

the lord works in mysterious ways. sometimes to our prayers he says yes, sometimes he says no, and sometmes he says NOT YET. OR, i’m gonna answer your prayer, but in a totally different way than you expected. you want a wife, i’m gonna send you an ugly nonwhite white to teach you lesson about not being racist and lookist.  its only the NONRACIST people that get wives of their own race, hahahaha. they don’t have any lessons they needed to learn

discipline. being able to do things you don’t like doing, because you HAVE to do them.

of course i try to JOO this by saying, well, i’ll DO it, just dont expect a good job.

NOPE. it STILL has to have good quality. no slacking on quality. DISCIPLINE is not only about doing things when you dont want to do them………but still doing them WELL. HORRY SHEET.

i am an expert in grudgingly, half assedly doing stuff, because i dont like it, i dont want to do it.

yet i dont get good results, because i do the stuff half assed! like maybe i am half assing all these 300 job appliations, because I am not painstakingly crafting every application to the job. because i am only spending 12 minutes per application rather than 30 minutes per application.  i have my Plug And Play sentences in my cover letter…..but the WHOLE COVER LETTER isnt tailored. BUT MAYBE IT SHOULD BE.

but yeah. funny that if two despairers are talking to each other, you can help pull back the other person from spiralling down into despair, being nice to them. but you cant do that with yourself!!!!!! this is a very interesting thing. there is something we can learn and use here.

namely, me talking here, or george making solo videos, is just beating a dead horse, a despair spiral. there needs to be checks and stop signs and guardrails and such to keep us from going off the track. and you can even have another despairer do that for you! they can help others better than they can help themselves!

and i think this is pretty cmmon among despairers!

so maybe this is the ultimate cure for despair: to help other people with despair.

and yeah thats the stated mission of this blog, always has been……..but in reality, its just been me whining about my own bullshit hahahaha rather than helping others.

oh eggy growing his nice long hair. i used to have nice long hair. but i was still a weird creep virgin. then i cut my hair and i sorta got some confidence briefly. then i wanted to grow my hair out again. but it was too late. i had quickly gone bald before age 30.  BRUTAL. shit i STILL might grow the SIDES long hahahaha.

its really not THAT weird for men to have barely any experience with women, like be 30+ and have never had a serious gf. but WOMEN think its WEIRD AS HELL, because they dont appreciate the natural differneces between men and women, and it IS realy weird for a woman to make it to 30 without having a serious boifran.

because women dont have to DO anything.

WOMEN ARE THE SUPPLY, MEN ARE THE DEMAND.

women just do NOT understand this, and men understand it at least implicitly.

sex, relationships, luv, dating, cuddles, affection, making out, anything in that ballpark. women are the supply, men are the demand.

THE SUPPLY CANT DEMAND ITSELF.

The demand can’t supply itself, hahahahaha.

when the demand is high and the supply is low, the price is HIGH AS FOOK.

and the demand will NEVER be low, and the supply will NEVER be high.

well, the supply COULD be higher.  supply of good, decent, marriageable women that is.

july 24

deicide “stench of redemption” 2006 is seen as something of a comeback ater replacing old guitar players  with new ones. i liked a couple decide albums up to “serpents of the light” which i remember when that one came out when i was a total adolescent teen.  SotL was pretty good, then they went on an embarrassingly decline and I just STAHPPED and started listening to opeth and became too cool for deicide. then of course opeth became uncool and uninspired and boring and lame.

now i dont listen to music becuase music is dgenerate hahahaha.

but seriously i dont really care about music made after 2005 and there is plenty of stuff i missed the first time around. like the deicide “legion” album. or sepultura “schizophrenia”. or fookin racist russian black metal bands hahahaha.

i mean seriously. i should be the worlds biggest NSBM fan hahahahaha.

had some nyquil yesterday at like 6 pm, went to bed at 9:30 pm, slept pretty good, did not get out of bed till like 9:30 am, this is pretty standard for nyquil hahaha.

spent all sunday afternoon reading damn metal reviews hahaha.

ok the albums of the day are deicide legion

i never listened to this album and always knew it as “the most technical” deicide album. but decide was never a very technical band! i am really looking for old skool death metal that is br00tal and heavy. hoping there is a heavy guitar sound and blast beats. i am also trying to get a better feel for steve asheim as a drummer, since most people say he is a good drummer, but how good is he really? but i am also looking for something lowbrow, sincere, and badass.

of course later on “technical death metal” became a thing, (gorguts?) and “brutal death metal” became another thing (devourment?) so I am fully aware of that. which is also why i wanted to go back to 1992 before all that shit even existed.

other albums of today:

sepultura: schizophrenia and arise

axis of advance: strike

angelcorpse: exterminate

morbid angel: covenant

niden div 187: impergium

you know i bet at least 20% of men are like me, basically virgins who never had a gf, and women think it is SO WEIRD, BUT IT REALLY ISNT! 20% of men are like us……but women have never met any of us!

the mysterious leader of deathspell omega, hasjarl, is really a 37 year old man named christian bouche who owns a real estate company called sci trident or something and probably is a total EXTRAVERT NORMIE talking to CLIENTS all day and wearing a tailored SUIT and SMILING and Closing deals and making 100k a year and drives a NICE car and wears NICE clothes and probably has an ATTRACTIVE GF from all the money he’s making in real estate hahahahahaha. so how can you take his kvlt music seriously now hahahaha.

well DsO hasnt been relevant since 2012 anyway hahahahahahaha. why did they just STOP suddenly? did he just run out of steam? get too busy making money?

i am being facetious. i hope he makes plenty of money and more importantly, has plenty of white children and doesnt waste any more time on “orthodox satanism.” no such thing for a grown ass white man to be doing.

but again they havent done a damn thing since 2012. cuz he is too busy making money and having secs with attractive wimmin like a NORMIE hahahahaha.

so anyway thats my big thing for this post:

25% of men are 30 year old kissless virgins like me who never had a gf.  it’s NOT THAT WEIRD. women only think its weird because by DEFINITION, because all women have been In Rels, they’ve never really met one of these millions of men! also the men aren’t shouting this from the rooftops, because they are ashamed. they don’t talk about it with women. well i say they should! we should come out of the closet and tell every woman we know that we are huge virgins who never had a gf, just so women, and people in general, but especially women, and to us ourselves, we can see that we ARENT THAT WEIRD!

where am i getting this 25% number? i cant prove it……but YOU CANT PROVE IT EITHER!!!!!!

All about the seed of doubt. i don’t think I could say 50% of men. but 20 or 25%, yeah sure!

of COURSE none of the men women have fooked are VIRGINS! because theyre FOOKING them!!!!!

you’d have to look at the male orbiter friends of the women. certainly they are ashamed of being virgins, and the vain women doesn’t care enough to know.

see, you women ALREADY KNOW some Male Virgins Who Never Had A GF, you just never cared enough to ask! but yeah a good 30% of your Beta Orbiters are Virgins!

You think thats WEIRD? then cut them off of orbiting you! DO THEM A FAVOR!

and do it nicely too! but also be honest! be like, you’re not a bad guy, and this isn’t your fault. its MY fault. but there is NO chance between you and me. its not RIGHT for me to keep leading you on like this. its not RIGHT to use people for the attention and adoration. i will NEVER be your GF. find a woman who will.

heh. its like ive become more hateful against all women, after this one woman.

yet when i was getting along with that one woman, i wasn’t nearly as hateful towards all women. i was more balanced, less hateful.

basically i need to be getting along with at least one woman in order to “humanize” women for me, to show me that not all women are horrible, AND to give me the confidence that I CAN get along with a woman, and am not some Huge Weird Virgin who Repels Women.

it’s hard to not think like that when I don’t have any female friends hahahaha. no evidence to the contrary.

went for 4.2 minle pwoerwalk. listend to arise and legion. arise has great heavy guitar sound. i probably didnt fully understand or appreciate this when i first heard it when i was young and i preferred the “groove” stuff like chaos ad.  yes, i did like “roots.” NO, I did not like “against.” I had the first soulfly album but I didnt super like it. but it was better than “against” hahaha. but after that sepultura became shameful and max became shameful and I forgot that, together, they USED to be a force to be VERY reckoned with. like on “arise.” great metal album for any metal fan.

deicide legion was….also early 90s scott burns stuff. the first deicide i ever heard was “once upon the cross” 1995, which was sorta new at the time, and i remember seeing it in the record store and being frightened of how blasphemous and evil the cover was. like wow this deicide band is the most extreme thing ever. then my friend got the album and i made a tape of it because i was too scared to actually buy the album hahaha. but i enjoyed the album and it was my first real taste of Death Metal. and then serpents of the light came out and i was fully on board with that one. also listened to their live album which came out after that, it was a great live album. “when satan lives.” and also listened to their first album a bit. but totally skipped over “legion.”

so i listened to it today and it was pretty good. super distorted and kinda sloppy guitars. the bass mixes well with it though, you can always hear the bass rumbling.  drums sound pretty good, hold the chaos together. benton sounds hateful but not as intimidating as he did on “once upon the cross”, here he sounds more human. no he sounds fine, no problems there.

but yeah OUTC and SOTL are definitely more catchy than this. better riffs. but legion definitely has replay value. some MJ would help though. and I bet it sounds better loud on good speakers.

see i think goatwh0re knows how to get really good production. the stuff is clear, and heavy, and not super polished. but the guitars sound way heavier than say “legion.” although their newer stuff is not as Inspired as their Older Stuff. also their drums are never clicky. this is how guitars and drums should sound IMHO. basically if all metal albums sounded like that, I would be happy. purists will say its not raw enough. i saw it’s plenty raw enough. if it sounds TOO raw then it stops being HEAVY and just sounds like CARDBOARD.

Women think its SO WEIRD when a guy is a virgin and or nevergf. Theyre like EW WEIRD uh NO I never met any weirdos like that. Well shit yeah you have. every guy you rejected as being too nice or too weird. just look at your orbiters. if you treated your orbiters as people and ACTUALLY GOT TO KNOW THEM, you would find that some of them are virgin nevergfs.

TREAT PEOPLE LIKE PEOPLE.

YES the orbtiers are dumb for orbiting around you like a servile puppy dog, but if you were a virgin nevergf desperate for a gf, youd do the same thing too.

GET TO KNOW YOUR ORBITERS. you will be surprised at what you learn. you could learn soemthing from their lives of quiet desperation hahahaha. gain some sympathy for nevergfs who are just lonely as fook. learn more about the nevergf/neverrel life. shit yeah its scary. be thankful that you will never know it. but you SHOULD make an effort to learn about it. because its the life many of your orbiters live, and you dont even KNOW.

NEVERGF. WE ARE LEGION. EXPECT US.

aajjajajaja. 25% of men baby.

well, it doesnt MATTER if a 16 year old or 18 year old boy is a virgin. it really starts being “WEIRD” around age 25. so, lets say 25% of men over 25 are nevergf virgins. there. BELIEVE IT.

IF YOU TOOK THE TIME TO TREAT PEOPLE LIKE PEOPLE AND ACTUALLY GET TO KNOW THEM as people rather than adoration-showering objects, you’d see that you actually know a LOT of male nevergf virgins! ITS NOT THAT WEIRD!

hey it wasnt for lack of trying! I WANTED To make it work! THEY NEVER WANTED to make it work! They just wanted to WALK OUT and BAIL and leave me in the LURCH.

I didnt BAIL on the relship, THEY did!!!!!!! I wanted to put in the WORK, THEY didn’t!!!!!

thats why i am nevergf hahahaha.  its THEIR fault hahahahahaha.

when woman2012 dumped me (and she was VERY GOOD about it, but i was STILL upset), i was just starting to become friends with woman2015. I was getting along with her really well, but i couldnt even THINK of her like that, i was still obsessed with the other woman. but it was good that i could get along with a woman. talk to a owman normally. i don’t have that now. so i totally doubt my ability to talk to women, get along with women, have female friends, get along with women like human beings. i don’t have any of that at the moment like i did in 2012, 2013. 2014. some of 2015. although things were bad in 2015. worse than I even knew.

well i sorta get along with some women. i see peoples GF’s at my weekly social event. we are nice to eaach other and i do VERY small talk with them. but i had gotten closer to That Woman in ONE MONTH than i have gotten to any of these women. which isnt to say That Woman Moved FAST – just that we both got along really well and hit it off immediately and had small talk really easily and could just talk real easy about lots of stuff, in a way that I can’t just do with anybody and everybody. but some people CAN. especially women hahaha. they turn on the charm and make you feel special, but you’re really not hahahaha. how many guys has she done that with in the past year? how many new guys she fooked? met from dating sites? how many new omega virgin orbiters has she had that think they have such a special connection? how many chumps thought the same thing i did? WOW i just NEVER get along with WOMEN so well, this gurl is really SPECIAL!!!!!

but i can tell you she honestly wasnt a slut, was not an extravert, did not get out much, did not meet a lot of new people. at least back then. who knows what she’s become now. in the past year. and it just DOESNT MATTER because I will never know her again! but you can see i still want to!

i was thinking of getting hooker this year, maybe that would help. actually making the call wuld be the hardest.

also i would have to get a damn job of course.

get a damn job so i can buy MJ and get a hooker hahahahaha.

get blazed on MJ and then walk around for 2 hours listening to music and fatherland and george feels and self made podcasts of me reading Knowledge about whatever my ridic job is hahahahaha. trying to learn and know EVERYTHING so i am prepared for explaining the most ridiculous shit to angry callers day in day out. well WHY cant you help me. sorry just can. no you CANT speak to the supervisor. hes in a meeting. no we dont call people back.

why dont they teach THESE soft skills in schools? if COMPANIES ran schools, like they should……they WOULD!

heheheh why didnt SCHOOL teach me the things COMPANIES want in order to give me a JOB and PAY me ?!?!??!?!?! Like how to bullshit people who want to speak to a manager? like how to bullshit when something makes no sense but you have to handle it now and can’t pass it to someone else?

ht     tp://scottberkun.com/essays/53-how-to-detect-bullshit/

unfortunately, all the articles on the internet are on how to detect bullshit and how to destroy it…….not on how to CREATE IT CONVINCINGLY ON THE SPOT, UNDER PRESSURE, WHEN IT IS MOST NEEDED.

https://www.google.com/webhp?sourceid=chrome-instant&ion=1&espv=2&ie=UTF-8#q=how%20to%20come%20up%20with%20bullshit%20explanations%20on%20the%20spot

googles got NOTHING hhahahaha.

i mean my bullshit detector is pretty good. i think EVERYTHING is bullshit hahahah. i dont LIKE bullshit. i hate it. i dont WANT to do it. I just HAVE To do it to survive on muh job.

no i dont! i havent done this in a YEAR!

george feels said that his father, who had been unemployed for THREE long years, complained about his previous job like it had just happened YESTERDAY. it was that unpleasant, and that fresh in his mind still. its like you can be permanently SCARRED, george noted.

i kinda have that. it has been over a year, yet I can remember that unpleasant feeling as clear as day.

too bad I can’t remember detailed STORIES that I can use in an INTERVIEW to show how AWESOME and SMART and cool under pressure I am!

but yeah it IS stupid and scary and sad that a bad job can almost SCAR you like this.  hope you never know that feel, GEORGE. check your unscarred privilege hahahaha.

all this stuff on the internet on how to DEAL WITH bullshit, but NOTHING on HOW TO bullshit. so how do all these bullshitters learn? it just comes NATURALLY to them? it must! cuz I don’t see a single article TEACHING somebody HOW TO bullshit. I would really like to read that article.

no, there is ONE article out there, and its OK, but I need MUCH MORE.