COMMON COURTESY IS A REASONABLE EXPECTATION

sept 14

i dont WANT an EXPLANATION of WHY, I already know WHY, that’s nothing. I jsut wanted to be treated nicer, like a human being, like i mattered, like our Rel mattered, like it was an important rel between two human beings. sheeeeeit i already know WHY. the WHY is not important. I just wanted more kindness and gentleness and less ice coldness hahahaha. treat me and our Past Rel with DIGNITY.

i dont are about why. i already KNOW why. case closed. i just wanted to know what she was thinking regarding hurting me. did you really WANT to HURT me? and WHY was THAT?

other thing: besides being humiliated on a personal level, i felt humiliated on a woring level: i failed at this job, while she succeeded at the same job. She could handle it, I couldn’t. She’s moving up, I’m moving down. I cant handle REAL LIFE as good as her. She is a winner, i am a loser, and losers like me dont deserve to associate with winners like her. and maybe thats why she rejected me so brutally on a personal level. because i was just inferior scum in every conceivable way. i was like the slimiest, most scheming little sleazy greasy joo to her.

and i think abotu how women Botch Relationships and Emotioanlly Overreact (I screwed up TOO but she screwed up WAY more), and I think, how the hell can women do JOBS and make 13 dollars an hour??? you need to make GOOD decisions! you need to have a record of excellence! you need to communicate clearly and decisively! women cant do this shit! they are like a 50 foot baby with a flamethrower! how can they be mature enough to handle a 13 an hour job, LET ALONE a 20 dollar an hour job??!?!?!?!!?!?!?!?

she never made flashcards! she never looked at old cases! she never studied when she went home! she never did homework! yet i failed and she succeeded! I wanted to know how shit worked, she just said idk lol! and got a man to help her! and she is the winner and i am the loser at life! FOOK THAT SHIT!!!! FOOK THIS GAY EARTH.mov

maybe i should embrace hating women like i embracing being a racist.

so i thought, well i dont even HATE other races, i just dont think races can coexist all that well. but women of my own race annoy the shit out of me just as much or even more than people of other races!

and this is not good, i thought. it jsut doesnt feel like something natural or sustainable the way being a racist feels pretty natural. i dont really WANT To hate women in other words.

also, for a man like me who wants so much to be a father and have children…..i dont think its a good idea for a Good Father to HATE WOMEN!!!!!!!

Good Fathers don’t hate women, they get along with women and teach their children how to get along with women!

so yeah in order to level up to pull good women, i need to learn how to deal with low level trash women on okcupid hahahaha.

i guess muh goals in life were never specific enough. find a nice gf. that became find a nice gf and make her muh waifu. as i got older. then that became have children with the waifu. and also get a 13 dollar an hour job with benefits and weekends off that doesnt drive me crazy. that is all.

maybe GOD is not calling me to be a father though. or even to be married. some people are called to be SINGLE 4 LYFE. Its just very weird though. cuz some of my biggest goals were to be married, have children. now GOD is telling me that i’m WRONG??!?!?! these arent horrible ungodly things! GOD LUVS marriage and family and so do I!!!!!!

but maybe  this is not what GOD has meant for me and my life. which is frustrating, because, like i just said, god LUVS marriage and family!

so i thought that well, maybe i’m supposed to be single and childless and I can still support marriage and family by…..doing marriage and family related work. it just seems frustrating though. that all these people can get married, have families and children, some of them are totally shitty too. and i’m meant to SUPPORT families, but i’m not allowed to have a family myself? it sounds CRUEL and SADISTIC!!!! like TORTURE!!!!! God doesnt just TEST us, he TORTURES us!!!!!!!! why the hell CANT I have a family?

well, besides I am totally not ready for it. but i really should be at this age. I mean realistically i have too many ISSUES to be a husband and father. unfortunately. but its the truth.

also, i want to know if i did something terrible, SO I DONT DO IT AGAIN IN THE FUTURE!!!!!!!

i dont want to fook things up this bad again!!!!!!

but again thats an unknown. most likely i didnt do anything horribly wrong, like lie or cheat where i really AM the bad guy at fault. sometimes that shit DOES happen. sometimes it IS your fault.  sometimes you ARE the bad guy.

it would have almost been better if she said YOUR THE BAD GUY, THIS IS ALL YOUR FAULT.

heh. maybe.

i hate making mistakes, but i might hate NOT KNOWING if i made a mistake or not even MORE!

i mean if i ever get feelings for a friend again, i WILL handle it differently, namely, tell them assertively and quickly.

oh yeah. when women think “ALL GUYS LOOK AT PORN.”

WRONG! so yeah that is triggering. they havent met me yet! I dont look at porn because it is jooish filth that ruins women and men! poisons the mind and soul!!!! i actively do NOT watch porno and can’t imagine wanting to watch it EVER AGAIN!!!!!! its DISGUSTING!!!!!!!!

applied for 5th job today. army related job. administering asvab tests hahahaha. 15 an hour. found out it was casual/intermittent, meaning no benefits. sheeeeeeeeeeeeeeit. thats the whole reason to get a fedgov job!

well i did not see that until i was 80% done with the grueling 16 minute application hahahaha.

NOTE: the first time you apply for a USAJOBS job, it will take MUCH longer to build your superresume, get all your shit together etc.

all guys do not look at porn, just the manly men you date hahahahaha

omega male sex negative neets think porn is disgusting degeneracy hahahahaha but we are invisible to women so…..

Women SHOULD be CAUTIOUS, they can get PREGNANT!!!!!

BE MORE CAUTIOUS! SHOW MORE CAUTION! DISCRETION!

how can someone with the maturity level of a CHILD make an ABOVE AVERAGE INCOME???? make WAY MORE THAN ME?

also it sucks when they are much more mature with other people, and super immature with you.

then you wonder, what did I do, so I don’t do it again!

but what you did was not super duper offensive, but just basic bitch communication mistakes.

besides, if you are doing something SUPER wrong, like lying or cheating…….you usually KNOW it, and you think, welp, I can GET AWAY with this, they’ll never find out. nothing like that here.

TEN dollar an hour job where posting calls for EIGHTY wpm typing. i have 60.

EIGHTY words a minute for TEN dollars an hour. 

wtf?

113 people applied, so i should apply too hehehehe.

i have a great SUPPORT SYSTEM, so why the hell am i so insecure and unstable and struggling and on the edge?

i have to remember, i dont hate all women. this woman i see at my weekly game, she is very nice and good and i like her and she doesnt annoy me. when i first met her, she kind of annoyed me a little but now i totally appreciate and like her. too bad i am not in luv with her hahahaha. i really didnt have any of that interest in her. not a slut either. darn near asexual which was starting to become weird…..but in the past few years she met a good decent man and they are getting married. pretty much a perfect situation there. he is pretty masculine and not a niceguy wimp pvssy like me, but i get the idea that he has morals and was not a degen womanizer at any point.

separate website for FBI jobs, they are not posted on USAJOBS………i dont think.

ok applied for gs05, 32k level job with air force. it specialist hahahahaha. now this is more like it. there are some fedgov bennies hahahaha. however no specific openings at my local air force base. might never be an opening hhehehe.

ok 6 jobs for today hehehe good enough.

well 7 would be better but i am getting back on the horse. i mean SHEEEEEEEIT, i might have to get to 600 jobs. at 600 i will start sucking dicks for recruiters until i become blacklisted by every recruiter in town. there are a lot of recruiters in town! sometimes it seems there are more recruiters than nonrecruiters hahahaha.

anyway im saying it would take MANY YEARS for me to burn through every recruiter in town.

but yeah it bothers me that a person can be more successful than me yet be a lot more immature than me…..and i am pretty immature.

also, i was the one putting myself out there. she wasnt really putting herself out there at all. she COULD HAVE. in the sense that it would have took some agency and initiative to Respond to the Request, and say Listen, I’m Not Interested, Let’s End this in a good way.

but no she just shut down entirely.

i did not shut down entirely regarding HER.

i did kinda shut down regarding my job and my life.

but its impossible to communicate or deal with a person who SHUTS DOWN.

basically, she shut down, I didnt. I was begging her not to shut down.

yeah, i shouldnt have BEGGED…….but jeez. if someone is begging you, just humor them. i dunno. ive never had anyone BEG me before. I imagine i would write them an email hahahahha.

SHE SHUT DOWN, I DIDNT.

you cant do anything with someone who shuts down. cant communicate, cant make the best of a bad situation. shutting down is abotu the worst communication there is. i did bad communication but not this bad. i didnt shut down.

how can SHE make more money than me and be more successful at life than me???!?!?!?!?!

and in relships too. she had a 4 year relship that could have resulted in marriage. i have never had a long term monog committed rel with a woman, ever.  that in itself is a damn red flag to women, and i have to damn lie about it essentially, or just avoid talking about it.

but i also feel like i havent been given a fair CHANCE. give me a CHANCE and dont GIVE UP and WALK OUT on me. im not THAT bad!!!!!!!! i honestly believe that! im not perfect but im not THAT bad!!!!!!!

i dont SHUT DOWN. I’ll write you a longass email before I shut down. Or leave you a 5 minute voice mail of me rambling. i will tell you whats on my mind in great detail!!!!!!!!! look at this blog!!!!!!

http://www.theabsolute.net/misogyny/onwomen.html

dont look for a redpilled woman, you wont find a decent one. just find a nice decent wholesome woman who has not taken too many dix and you can make her redpilled.

i have known this for a while, i am very comfortable being the red pill person hahahaha. just want a wholesome, moral, decent, nice, woman, thats all.

fook politics, fook redpills, fook race, fook music, fook taste, fook coolness. dont sweat the small stuff hehehe.

she will prove her race loyalty simply by not being interested in fooking nonwhites. and OF COURSE she WILL say something like “but Im not racist, i swear!” im not so autistic any more that I want a woman to say “yes Im proud to be a racist!” for a woman, thats just WEIRD!!!!!!!!!!! for a man, its pretty cool tho.

its very similar to when i was young, i thought it would be so cool to find a waifu who liked METAL. now im smart enough to know that would be a fooking clusterfook. it would be similar to find a full on 1488 waifu. they would prob be bipolar, borderline, and fooking ingras in 6 months.

note: i don’t think That Woman was Over the line crazy like that. she was acceptable levels of normie female crazy. she just greatly disappointed me is all. she is still way less evil than average. a good person who did something very disappointing to me. shit i would take her back in an instant hahahahaha.

i mean women are just not good at making real world judgments and doing things in the real world. yet they make shitloads more money at jobs in the real world. when they have no real SKILL in the real world! i mean when it comes to SERIOUS shit in the real world,  you’d be a fool to trust a woman! they jsut dont have it! and i dont say that to be mean! its just the way it is! its just not a good match for them! their skill set is elsewhere! namely, raising children. and heres the thing, that can of course be extremely compromised as well. in the current year. so many times it appears that many women are good for absolutely NOTHING.

i mean many women in the real world are literally good for absolutely nothing. its sad and horrifying and it didnt have to be that way.

and that woman, she was not one of those worthless women. like i say, i hurts a lot more to be rejected by the good, decent women. those are the ones that take longest to get over. because something of great value was lost. as opposed to something of no value. or negative value hahahaha.

i guess i should meditate on this real life woman i know who is not a piece of garbage, but actually a decent, good, wholesome, moral person. nope she is not redpilled, nope she is not politically minded, yes she likes the worst music and tv shows and movies ever.  but she has good morals, has lived according to those morals, and would make a good wife and mother. perfect. i am not attracted to her but i wish I were. well actually not, because she is getting married and good for them i say. its about time. really she’s getting married a little late at like age 29 or 30, but better late than never in her case.

so whenever i think of That Woman, i should replace her with thoughts of This Woman. Yes.

and i dont think even if you cut muh balls off it would even help. my secsual libido is not the problem. its loving people who are gone, unavailable, and never luved me.

ok want to get in at least 2 applications before my afternoon powerwalk hahaha.

ok got in 3 but they were so low energy. local shitty hospital using ultipro ATS. it kinda incentivizes low energy applications. 3 to 5 minutes each. can only have one resume/packet on there at a time. ideally this is ideal, and employers wouldnt care if you only took 3 minutes on an app vs 30 minutes. but of course they do. and if you spend only 3 minutes, you will get screened out.

yeah tv is really triggering. i usually have it on as background noise……..but i really SHOULDNT. this is not a value added strategy hahahaha.

got 3 apps in real quick. the jobs.com site said full time but 2 were ACTUALLY part time. i dont think this is intentional. i think it is just basic incompetence from whoever manages the jobs.com postings. basic bitch not knowing how to do your job so you just Fudge It and pretend like you know what youre doing…..even though you have no idea of best practices. this is very common. this is the norm hahahaha. norm 4 normies. normies gonna norm hahahahaha.

ok time for powerwalk.

ok did 4.18 mile pwalk. listened to azzmador talking with grandpa lampshades.

ok this isnt the exact one but i should listen to this one.

they are both total laid back southern gentlemen, i have difficulty telling them apart hahahaa except azzmador has a slightly deeper voice. but i love this laid back, polite, friendly, southern hospitality.

very j00 wise alt right type guys who each do their own podcasts but not on trs. but i am sure they approve of trs. they are not renegade tier or anything hahahahaha.

heh. if i am going to have children i cant afford, i might as well do that with some woman i am madly in luv with and would never want to leave hahahaha. of course she could veyr well want to leave me!

because honestly i cant EVER imagine being ABLE to afford children!

heh. i could probably smoke MJ all day, then take the next 2 days off, and then my system would be clear to pass a drugs test. thats pretty good right?

ok how about 3 days.

really the best think i can do is powerwalking hahaha. i wish i was as good about lifting. but powerwalking is my strength, muh skill set, and i want to be the best powerwalker i can be hahaha.

the other thing i naturally do is writing this trash……………… and tbh the powerwalking is a lot BETTER FOR ME.

the writing CAN be good SOMETIMES but it can EASILY go both ways.

the walking cannot. the walking is ALWAYS good. cant go wrong. win win.

these women are NIHILISTIC and SOCIOPATHIC. the horrible lives they lead. the empty, shallow relationships. the things they value. MORAL INVERSION. NIHILISTIC and SOCIOPATHIC. treating people like OBJECTS.

i have been antsy since not having an interview is a while. and i am at 18.5 and i need to get to at LEAST 25. meaning 19, 20, 21, 22, 23, and 24 are all gonna be worthless. other than getting me one closer to magic 25.

but 25 isnt magic! like i say, on the whole, i feel i do PRETTY GOOD on interviews! i mean i dont SLAM DUNK it, but i still feel i do well enough to get an offer before 25!

bridget jones baby? a 50 year old slut with tons of grotesque plastic surgery creating a miserable innocent life out of her 50 year old adolescent sluttery? absolutely disgusting! if i didnt have the tv on i would never have seen that bullshit movie commercial!

women cannot give good advice basically. if you ever need HELP with figuring something out, god forbid you go to a woman. they might mean well, but my god they cannot give good advice. they MIGHT mean well though. that does count for something. but dear god dont take their awful advice. what makes /r/relships so shitty is all the WOMEN chiming in with their shitty advice. i need a MEN ONLY forum. but not necessarily a MGTOW or got forbid GAME forum. but 99% of Men Only forums are going to be MGTOW, MRA, or Game.

well, not TRS though. but TRS doesn’t have a relationship section. but they should hahahahaha.

MAYBE I SHOULD START IT hahahahaha.

I think it would go over better than me starting a Neet Section.

but I DO like having a Neet Blog which is very Alt Right!

like women will tell you that college and career is more important than a rel, and encourage people to break up just because theyre YOUNG and those early relships NEVER work out, you have a chance for a great FUTURE by getting into a Top 50 school, so just break up with so and so even though u luv them. bullshit advice like that.

women are so BLUE PILL on things like college. they were encouraging another woman who had left a 45k a year job so she could go back to COLLEGE and become a TEACHER. holy SHIT.  thats exactly the kind of bad advice women give. because you’ll be so glad you got your teaching degree and now make 20k a year with part time sub jobs and no health care. babysitting feral black chirren.

https://bu.reddit.com/r/relationships/comments/52xouc/recently_my_girlfriend_20_f_and_i_19_m_of_25/

not a lot of commentary right now. but i want more people to say yeah she is really an ice cold bitch, not “it doesnt matter, youre not entitled to anything.” no, of course he’s not, but IT WOULD BE NICE if she could DIGNIFY A 3 YEAR RELSHIP by not meeting these sleazy new friends, staying up till 6 am, going on tinder right in front of him. show some COURTESY for the HEART you are breaking and the Long Term Relationship you are Single Handedly Ending, I would tell her.

dont tell him “its over, get over it.”

yes of COURSE he should go no contact but give him some moral support at least. damn. judge her behavior as shitty and sleazy!!!!!!! judge her as the bad guy here!!!!!! because she is!!!!!!!!!!!

now i dont talk too much shit about That Woman. Sometimes sure. but not overall. most of this is just me grieving and moaning and whining. but i can’t say what a shitty person she was…….because she wasnt. she was honestly a good decent wholesome person who just dropped the ball here and disappointed me greatly. but it wasnt because she was a shitty, horrible person. she just fight or flight and shut down. she could be a great wife and mother to a different man.

ok i turned off the tv and am listening to beethovens 1st symphony. not sure why. just wanted some classical music symphony fast. something that wasnt too jooish. and that is a symphony.

she doesnt NEED to consider your feelings. again, technically correct, but to tell the guy that…..that is weak womanly advice. no, she doesnt need to, but she SHOULD, after 2-3 YEARS, show him some god damn COMMON COURTESY.

COMMON COURTESY IS A REASONABLE EXPECTATION.

https://bu.reddit.com/r/relationships/comments/52wdvu/i_31m_am_having_an_extremely_hard_time_moving_on/

she wants to be just friends, he thinks he needs to go no contact and cant do just friends because she broke up with him and he still wants her. he sees her at bar, is drunk, gets emotional, now he’s the bad guy. come on. meanwhile she’s tweeting about fooking strangers off tinder. god damn. so he’s supposed to be cool with the love of his life dumping him and fooking randos. and hes the bad guy for getting upset once. come on.

COMMON COURTESY from the woman is a reasonable expectation. not tweeting about EVIL DEGENERATE NIHILISTIC SOCIOPATHIC casual secs and being a filthy, degenerate whore. he has every right to be upset. yes he should go no contact.

so yeah. whatever happened to common courtesy. human decency. early termination fee. treat the person youre dumping with respect and kindness because THIS HURTS THEM.

casual secs IS unqualifiably degenerate, and she wants to throw away something good and wholesome, to do degenerate filth. of course he has a right to be upset.

at the very least she shouldn’t be pushing him to be friends, to understand that he is hurt, and needs no contact.

what did SHE do when Chad dumped her? probably some really shameful things trying to get chad back! and then fooked a bunch of casuals when chad laughed in her face!

now she’s pissed at the guy SHE dumped because he’s having a hard time with it? what a fookin coont!!!!!

and when this bitch on reddit says yeah you did act like an asshole, he responded with yeah i know i feel so bad about it, i know i should apologize to her etc etc. i downvoted the bitch hahaha.

common courtesy. human decency. part of the social contract of having a relship is NOT BEING A PIECE OF SHIT WHEN YOU END THE REL.

HAVING THE RIGHT TO SINGLE HANDEDLY END THE REL SHOULD COME WITH THE RESPONSIBILITY OF NOT BEING A PIECE OF SHIT WHEN YOU END IT. 

so many women didnt get that memo. too immature.

and i dont care if i am making a should statement. THIS SHOULD BE A SHOULD STATEMENT!!!!!

STAND FOR SOMETHING OR YOU WILL FALL FOR ANYTHING.

STAND UP FOR WHATS RIGHT, GOOD, JUST, TRUE, AND BEAUTIFUL.

DONT BE A PIECE OF SHIT.

DONT BE A NIHILISTIC SOCIOPATH.

DONT BE A JOO.

now that is the type of lecturing i can support!

i would be a great lecturer. sermonizer.

oh but they broke up 4 months ago so everybody should be KEWL, thats plenty of time to get comfortable with the love of your life dumping you, without willing to work on it, and fook randoms, and youre the bad guy to get upset at that and not want to be her platonic friend and hear about her degen secs life. god damn fooking degenerates. i am this close to private messaging the guy and telling him he is totally in the right and not to listen to that bitch that said “he definitely fooked up”. fook that bitch!

RELATIONSHIP BILL OF RIGHTS AND RESPONSIBILITIES.

you HAVE to include the Ending Terms in their too.

THE ENDING IS PART OF THE RELATIONSHIP.

so yeah it IS her concern, it IS her business. if she can end it on her whim, then she has to put forth good faith, good will, and effort to do the WORK necessary to end it at her whim. and that involves human decency, common courtesy, and not being a piece of shit. wow. i guess if you ask for that, then you are the bad guy.

you’re the bad guy if you think casual secs is degenerate and bad and a terrible way to finish off a beautiful LTR.

cuz its all the same, theres no good or bad or right or wrong.

and this is 30 year old people with professional careers, level 2 and above making 60k a year, saying all this disgusting shit.

FOOK THIS GAY EARTH!

and she has NO IDEA why the guy is upset! unbelievable! a 29 year old woman with the maturity of a 12 year old and she makes more money than i ever will!!!! unbelieveable!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!11

TREAT PEOPLE THE WAY YOU WANT TO BE TREATED!!!

DUMP PEOPLE THE WAY YOU WANT TO BE DUMPED!!!!!

how can all these WOMEN not even BEGIN to understand that????!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!

no not all women. but a good 50% of them hahahahaha.

half of them are in this basket of deplorables hahahahahaha

its amazing you have to shout these Things I Learned In Kindergarten to Grown Fooking Women.

well remember its not all women. only HALF of women, hahaha.

oh but the ending isnt part of the relationship, these sneaky little j’s claim. i dont have ANY responsibilities the second i say “im done” and walk out.

that is an extremely JOOISH view of humanity and human relations. all these sneaky little loopholes, just like a joo trying to joo you out of service. sorry goy thats not in the contract. here’s the thing, there is no real contract. no exchanges, no refunds, no service, thanks for the money, chump!

theyve turned our women into sneaky little joos!!!!!!

i dont want to talk to women, i dont want to read womens stupid thoughts. the only time i will listen to a woman is if she is being NICE and PLEASANT. women CAN be good at that when they want to be. having just utterly harmless, charming, nice small talk, just being damn NICE. its really not that hard. doesnt take a lot of effort, energy, or creativity. just be nice. dont be an annoying, unscrupulous joo.

sept 2016: i keep hearing hearsay that millennial woes got a ladyfriend and that it is makign him more confident and masculine. I HOPE SO!!! GOOD FOR YOU LAD!!!!!!

I luv MW but havent listened to him lately cuz i dont luv the hangouts. anyway i would be VERY happy if he got a nondegen waifu, he DESERVES a good waifu, and indeed it would help him become an even better man…..as waifus can potentially do. shit it would help ME!

sept 16

yeah so i dont care that mw had a gay past, except that it makes him kinda neurotic and despairing and has consequences for his current mental/emo health, but he can certainly mitigate those consequences, and i believe he has done that. now i just hope his gf isnt a degen bitch who dumps him and breaks his heart because that could really set him back. i know. hahahahaha. remember he also fell in luv with a WOMAN before and when she rejected him, that broke his heart for YEARS and that hurt him a LOT. ive been there hahahaha.

i mean yeah this is what i am obsessed with. muh white whale. muh wheelhouse. relships between men and women. period. that is what i should do my career in. period.

so funny. for most normies this is just an accepted part of life. you get a gf and bang and sometimes it works out and sometimes it doesnt, but you just keep going until at age 25 you find someone you could probably marry and then you marry them, have children, and maybe they divorce you in 5-10 years.

but theres no need to study and obsess and analyze because you know you have the tools to be in a serious LTR because you’ve been in them before or you’re in one now!

since i have never been, i just don’t know that i have the Tools. and that is part of my obsession, studying How Women Are, and How Men Are, and the nuts and bolts of communication, problem solving etc.

when REALLY, i probably ALREADY HAVE the Tools i need, i just havent found the right woman. who is willing to let me use those tools hahaha.  because they were never WILLING. they were not OPEN, they just wanted to WALK AWAY. because they Just Werent That Into Me. but it they WERE, then I would have the Tools and the Communication Skills to make it last at least a year!

but yeah these normie women are like ROBOTS. date a guy, fook him, fall in “luv”, get some abortions, fall out of luv, dump him, and IMMEDIATELY start the whole process again with a new guy. it sounds both EXHAUSTING and DISGUSTING. how can you do that? how can people be so interchangeable to you? how can this “closeness” be so casual and meaningless????!!?!?! its NIHILISTIC AND SOCIOPATHIC!!!! and exhausting and disgusting hahaha and grotesque and horrifying, very blackpill.

but maybe IM the fooked up one because i take this shit too SERIOUSLY!!!!! and when i get heartbroken it takes TWO YEARS to get over them! whereas with NORMIES it takes 2 months before they are fooking other degens!

hehehehe i luv muh waifus literally TWELVE TIMES more than normie degen women luv their men!!!!!

but yeah it makes me think that normie degens incl half of women just dont Luv People the same way I do. or at least at much less of an intensity. And when the difference in Degree is Twelvefold, it may as well be a difference in Kind!!!! a different kind of luv!!!!!!!!

and how do you have a real sustainable LTR when you luv them TWELVE TIMES more than they luv you??!?!?!

that gives them absolute power over you and spells IMMINENT DOOM for the rel. period. they WILL leave you and you WILL be devastated for the next 2 years. what a terrible way to LIVE hahahaha.

basically i need to find another WEIRDO whos luv meter is turned way up to 12 in order to have a lasting thing where i dont get dumped because a huge interest mismatch!!!!

heh all this is not productive writing at all. it is pretty much a nonstop circle of Negative Thoughts. and i need to Rip Out negative thoughts and replace them with positive thoughts, by any means necessary.

even at the expense of Truth!

like how i should replace all thoughts of That Woman with This Other Woman I know who is very very nice and wholesome and is getting married soon. just cut and paste. i should also cut and paste with some sort of positive replacement to the negative thoughts that FILL this blog.

powerwalking is good.

well, not ALL of this post is bad!

WHEN I AM MAKING SERMONIZING STATEMENTS LIKE THIS, those are usually pretty good. even the righteous anger ones. there is nothing inherently negative about righteous anger!

despair, however, yes. that is INHERENTLY BAD.

righteous anger good. despair bad.

so, when i am going into despair or other negative realm, then switch it with something positive: thinking of this wholesome woman, statements of righteous anger, powerwalking, or something productive like Job Searching. cranking out the Apps. getting closer to 500-600. how about 550 hahahahahaha.

job apps themselves cause both righteous anger (good) and despair (bad.) i guess the solution there is, once again, maximize the good and minimize the bad.

turn the brain from a negative thought machine, to a negative thought killing machine!!!!!

so here is a remaster of ulvers classic nattens madrigal. i dont usually like remasters and i dont have anything against the intentionally raw production of the original, which is really not that bad………BUT my concern is literally for hearing and ear health. you could literally damage your hearing with this album, even though it is actually very clear in terms of being able to comprehend and ingest the music. and is quite listenable!

but that high end is just so maxed out that it hurts the ear. i feel this 2014 remaster might be a bit more forgiving while jsut as listenable.

its also got demo versions of some of the tracks which is great. the demos sound great EXCEPT they dont have any vocals, and garm was truly a gifted BM singer.

it just sucks thinking that all of your life goals:  getting a good waifu, having children, and having a job to support that family that doesnt drive you to self-destructive madness, that all these goals are out of your reach. the best you can hope for is a 12 dollar an hour deadend job and then you get your outside-of-work satisfaction by smoking MJ, powerwalking, listening to podcasts and music, and dnating to 1488 causes. which are not bad things, well probably the MJ is, but you just cant stop thinking about the nice waifu and the family you want to have, but youre just too old and fooked up to be able to attain that.

ok stop those are despairing thoughts, lets replace them with righteous anger or job seraching or powerwalking or other positive thoughts or actions.

well i just came back from a 4.2 miles powewalk. listened to natt’s alcoholocaust ep 1 which wasnt as good as i expected. its just a mess and i cant even understand the bantz. i mean these are all good guys but still.

garm was 20 years old when they did nattens madrigal damn. now did he actually write the guitar riffs and such? i mean that is pretty important to me hahahaha. or was it that guy haavard who went on to do nothing special afterwards? i am sure garm knows how to handle a guitar, its really not hard, the important thing is having some sense of songwriting skill, which i never really had, and which i am sure he does.

ok i am gonna apply to this health system job, and while doing so, update my cover letter, which will add about 15 minutes or 10 to the apply time, but i have to measure this WORK somehow. because it is important, measureable, billable, measureable, timeable work that I am totally entitled to COUNT.

un fooking believeable. a super huge application, already at 45 minutes, longest ever, doing a phaggy ass personality test and intelligence test, when the internet goes out in the middle of the test. i am actually happy to do intelligence tests to prove that i am intelligent, and if it gives me like a 1 in 10 chance of getting an interview (as opposed to the usual 1 in 25 chance)….but god damn this is frustrating.

had to reboot compt to get internet connected again. i blame windows 10. 77 minutes total. a new record!

ok. assuming 15% of the job application time could be added to calculated how much time it takes to FIND the jobs (ie, going through lists, reading postings, and decided yes i should apply, vs, no way, dont even waste your time), in other words, about 2 minutes for every 13 minute application, ie 15 minutes total; and 1.5 hours spent on each interview (prob a little low tbh; we are including travel time, interview time, and im not sure about prep/study time), for 18.5 interviews, and 418 applications, we are up to  132 hours total for the entire job search. really a little LOW tbh fam. on $1716 worth of time at $13 an hor, although more realistically my price should be more like 12 an hour.

sorry i meant 419 jobs so far. please dont fire me.

so i was listening to the am grey podcast on feminism, and adams waifu said she was disturbed seeing a man and a woman holding hands where the womans hand was on top, and they used that as a powerful symbol that men are passive and not leading anymore.

i thought DAMN, the women I’ve been associated with would just DUMP ME before even GETTING to that point!!!!!

they wouldnt stick around long enough to LET that happen! they would have ALREADY dumped me for being a wimpy passive spineless doormat!

so why are these women not just walking out on these men? wouldn’t they get disgusted the first time they put their hand on top, and say, im done with you, you weak wimp?

that was what i was asking. i have been dumped for MUCH LESS. why are these women staying with these phaggots in the first place?

i cant even remember how i held hands with women, its been like 11 years since i held hands with a woman hahahaha.

saw a profile picture on soundcloud of somebody who photoshopped dat boi into the famous vietnam photo of the running people being napalmed and the little naked girl. dat boi had replaced the naked girl.

ok finally found it

2016-09-16_20h39_22

YOURE WELCOME hahahahaha

updated Standard Cover Letter with Sentence explaining Employment Gap. ok there. not much more I can do about that. But I think its a small, maybe larger than small, improvement on something that was already damn good and should be more than enough to get me a 13 an hour job.

ok i swear i wont go lower than 12 an hour hahahaha.  so i guess i am at 12-13 now depending on my mood hahahaha.

good thing SHE is making like 16 an hour!

but i dont know that!

but there’s a 75% chance she is!

ok so what does it MATTER then?

because like i said 100000000000000000 times, i dont like her BEATING me at the game of life!

why not?

because i hate her proving she is BETTER than me.  because it adds INSULT TO INJURY.

why?

because she injured me, now she is insulting me.

why?

see now we are getting into the circular part.

yeah i know THEORETICALLY it doesnt matter.

but IN THE REAL WORLD, it ABSOLUTELY DOES MATTER how much money people make, and how women view men who make less money than they do. they view them as totally worthless and inferior.

i dont view people in those terms. but im not a woman. im not PROGRAMMED to care about status in that way!

i mean as a male i do care about ranking and hierarchy………but not in that same visceral sexual or loving way. i know what peoples status is In The Real World, but I know it has no real bearing on their worth as a person.

but it has VERY REAL BEARING on their worth in the MATING MARKET!!!!!!!!1

and the mating market is VERY important to me because one of my MAIN LIFE GOALS is to find  a good wife and have CHILDREN!!!!!!!!

so thats WHY all this shit MATTERS so much!!!!!!!

i am apparently an abuser because i notice slutty behavior and call sluts sluts. thats what abusers do. nonabusers dont have the word slut in their vocabulary hahahaha.

EVEN DEGENERATE POLYAMOROUS SLUTS COMMUNICATE

aug 13

you cant even talk to normies about this because theyll be like why were you SO devastated? why didnt you just ignore her? just suck it up? why did you fall SO hard for someone you werent even fooking? why didnt you tell her earlier? its all my fault basically. and it kinda is. not that I MADE her withdraw all kindness, but I did kinda reap what I sowed in several ways.

but she was jsut as immature as i was, and usually 25 year olds are more mature than me hahahahaha. well she was a WOMAN though. women are naturally immature. like children. children who cant keep their legs closed hahahaha.

so yeah normies get their hearts broke but its not as big of a deal to them. or they dont fall so hard for someone they are not dating/fooking.  normies just wouldnt understand. they say yeaaaahhhh something is a little weird about this guy, and he should probably see a shrink and get on some meds already. oh he is? hmm well uhh maybe he should try some diff meds and a diff shrink, the current program isnt working so well hahahaha.

the ironic thing is, I think a Decent Monog Longterm Rel with a Woman WOULD help the majority of foreveralone despairing virgin men, give them real confidence in something that is really meaningful to them, and literally transform them. theyve wanted this for so long but never got it. dont you think them finally achieving it would change their lives?

but maybe it would be like winning the lottery. theyd find a way to fook it up.

i dunno. give them a CHANCE at least. if that woman gave me a CHANCE, i think i would have had a good chance of not fooking it up!

normies also dont understand why it takes us so LONG to get over somebody. so just virginsplain to them that if their wife with whom they have created new life just up and left them without a word and that was it, how long would it take THEM to get over THAT? at LEAST a year.

or the person just dropped dead suddenly one day. but still i think being left is WORSE than that, because you’re not certain that the person who dropped dead WANTED to LEAVE you. as far as you know, they still loved you till the very end.

so yeah this is rougher than a death hahahaha. because they WANT to leave you, they’re still alive out there fooking and loving OTHER guys, and they dont give a DAMN about you and your broken heart and the time you spent together. they’ve FORGOTTEN about you entirely. dead people cant forget you like this hahahaha. dead peopel arent moving on fooking and loving other people and enjoying life.

you can move on and enjoy all the cox and abortions and tyrones you want, just dump a person the right way, not the wrong way.

implying that women are even capable of doing things the right way.

hehehe well i KNOW they are, because OTHER women have dumped me the right way. and I appreciate it hahaha. thank you so much for dumping me the right way.

ok took shower, go to boring church today. i was trying to “fast” until 12pm, that would give me 18 hours of “fasting.” the old 18/6 as opposed to the 16/8 hahahahaha. i was starting to ger hungery so yeah. then ate 290 calorie breakfast/lunch.

ive been VERY good about not looking her up on linkedin or facebook or instagram or google. VERY good. so +1 to me hahahaha. i mean i wouldnt be able to see any more than her fb profile picture, but that’s bad enough. to even see ONE picture of her would be WAY too much.

then i think about people who are Friends with their Exes 4 Lyfe. I just cant wrap my mind around it at all!

i mean it could possibly be doable if BOTH peopel mutually agreed that the rel was over and that NEITHER person wanted to work on it. and NEITHER person wanted the other back. i guess I am envious to have such a Mutual, Amicable Breakup hahahaha.  seems a lot less stressful than knowing you have to restrain yourself from seeing even ONE picture or ONE comment or ONE reminder that they are still alive, for YEARS.

like i am thinking of these people i will see at this little labor day event. the one guy is married and has a kid and his wife and maybe kid will be there with him…..but he is still friends with his ex gf from 10 years ago! and they dated for several years and she was kinda crazy! and she is married to some other guy now. and she is going to this thing as well! they still see each other once a year or so! heh if i were his wife i would be suspicious hahahaha. its called a break up because its BROKEN hahahaha. but then youre jealous, youre the bad guy. maybe he gets a freecard to fook her hahahaha. now im just speculating. but this guy had a LOT more wild oats than me, he was pretty much an alpha male ladies man. now he has a good career and a nice wife and child. hehehehe funny to think that when  first met him he was an 18 year old kinda nerdy kid who had only had 1 GF hahaha (much more than i had had as a nerdy 18 year old hahaha) and I kinda Corrupted him by introducing him to MJ!!!!

well he turned out MORE than all right and I turned into a big loser hahaha. maybe winner normies can be issue free friends with their x’es. i just don’t want him to do anything DEGENERATE, because he’s a good guy and he can do BETTER than that. of course nothing degenerate has actually happened to my knowledge! i just think its weird to be friends with your x’s and to have the x at a holiday weekend with your wife and the wife is fine with it too!

meanwhile i have to make a concerted effort to never look at a single picture of HER ever again, and we didnt even date for 2-3 years and fook 6000000000000000 times like this guy and his x did!

so i am a bit jelly of a serious relationship ending without any Lingering Trauma hahahaha.

and they still have SOME sort of relationship technically!

how does his wife feel about this? how does her husbando feel about this? is she still married to the husbando? i dont think THEY had any kids. i dont fully trust her, although i always got along with her. i wouldnt want to be in a rel with her! she was kinda crazy, in the way that you can never fully trust crazy! she went on to be wildly successful and started doing a phd but then left after the masters level to make tons of money in Private Industry. probably not in a call center hahahaha.

i guess i am also envious of crazy people who can still be extremely successful despite their despair or bipolar or whatever.

anyway shes ok, she’s white, thats the main thing, so she should go down to part time and have some white kids. her husbando had a high paying job in finance or some shit. controller or CFO or some high level, high wealth Career. she can afford to take some time off and have babies. 3 of them. i think he’s white too. could be Jooish but I don’t think so. could be though. has dark hair. i never met him. but if he’s white, they should have kids. but she might pass her crazy on to them? she’s not a bad person though. would i trust her with homeschooling children? maybe. i mean having children could well be very good for her.

anyway i dont hate her, i just thought she was kinda weird, and i was a bit annoyed by her overachieving. it paid off in an impressive career though!

anyway i anticipate i will get along with her just fine, i always did before, and she was always nice to me and me to her. situation is just kinda weird is all. but theres no point for me to tell HER that! or him. if it doesn’t bother either of them, it doesnt matter.

i am just obsessed with Relationships in general. and getting Nosy into other people’s business.

especially if i KNOW the people, and there is anything weird about the rels. or the rels are ending or failing. i am interested in the Death of Rels hahahaha.

well their rel certainly didnt DIE! it changed, maybe downgraded, and in a mutual way! me and that woman, our rel just DIED. permanently. DNR. RIP. Although I for sure wanted to resuscitate it!

when you want something for so long, well its not like food and water, you wont DIE……but you do become TWISTED and WEIRD. to have an unscratchable itch for 10, 12, 14 years, and to never experience something that Normies experience.

in the mood for some depressive su1z1dal black metal, i hear this one is pretty good, and i actually remember listening to it like 4 years ago when i first discovered DSBM.

i recall it being ok. it gets good reviews.

i could very well be bipolar hahahaha. only i dont get manic episodes. i just get brief episodes where i am kinda wound up and not thinking straight. well that is a manic episode no? yeah but i am not staying up 3 days in a row Tweaking and doing impulsive shit. but i am generally “one extreme or the other” in my thoughts and attitudes. so maybe i have “mild bipolar” and taking some lithium would help me be more productive and successful.

churn out moar job apps, get thru moar interviews, and once i get a job, survive its shittiness one day at a time. put myself out on okcupid and try to get the table scraps there hahahaha. Post HER, I cant imagine ever Loving another woman again.

i mean why SHOULD you lower your standards when you are looking to spend the rest of your LIFE with somebody and you want to create THREE NEW LIVES with them? does it make ANY sense to lower your standards for that? FOOK NO!!!! Either I luv them the same or MORE than i luved her, or NO new lives will be created!!!!!!!!1111

WHY THE HELL SHOULD YOU CREATE NEW LIFE AND SPEND THE REST OF YOUR LIFE WITH SOMEBODY YOU ARE NOT MADLY IN LUV WITH?

or to rephrase that, someone you are just kinda “MEH” about. i realize Mad Luv fades, but i am implying that it Of COURSH follows with a deep, abiding, Loyal, Foundational, Strong, Faithful Luv.

coldworld just came out with his first album in 8 years hahahaha. cover is a little corny but album is allegedly good hahahaha.  not really DSBM as much as melancholic black metal hahahaha. i recall the melancholie2 album was decent. prob better with some MJ and good headphones hahahaha.

yeah well though i have trouble reaching muh goals, at least i have a good family and i am not a superfat slob anymore. still want to lose 10 more pounds tho. and it will be the hardest.

also now i have nice clothes to wear in the interview. and nice friends who remember me after years and invite me places. i mean i am kinda nervous because i dont have any stories to tell, and i am a huge loser and they are all happy winner normies. but i try to not ram my loser weirdo neetness down their throat, and try to be as normie as i can. play down my loserness and insecurity and self-loathing cuz i know that comes across as VERY overbearing. so i dont overbear others with it. just in this blog and when i am by myself!

i didnt overbear HER with it either, she had barely any idea how crazy i am! i just overbeared her with pathetic pleas to pleeeeeeease hang out with meeeeeeeeee pleeeeeeeeeeeeeeeease respond.

aug 14

just spent all day reading about metal, mainly DSBM, but some regular non DSBM like this quebec nationalist black metal band forteresse, sheeeeeit all sorts of black metal. very close to giving ruins of beverast another chance.

well lets just put it this way, i like metal Solo Projects with Real Drums. Drum machines suck. also when you add more people it risks diluting the musical vision and purity. 2-person bands are also ok.

so basically you just tell women you want to HANG OUT and then you use a little GAME and if the first “date” goes ok, then you can get a second date, and then you bang them on the second date. this is insanely slutty!

it is so insane and disgusting and horrifying that THAT WOMAN is doing exactly that with a carousel of guys she meets on dating sites and tinder!

i guess this is women’s programming to get pregnant as soon as possible, by any means necessary. and then you NEED to have an abortion or oops baby to teach you a lesson. and then you forget that lesson after a few months, become a slut again, and have another abortion or oops baby.

ABSOLUTELY DISGUSTING.

welp i generally dont like 80 minute albums but might as well dive in here. i think some dude MJ lmao and good headphones would help a lot here. unfortuantely i have neither hehehe.

well even the pickup guys who like to bang sluts say that half of women dont bang on the second date. this is great news.

heh maybe half of THEM bang on the THIRD date. so, 75% of women bang on 3rd date, 88% on 4th, 94% on 5th, 97% on 6th, 99% on 7th, hahahahaha. doing a little rounding there.

i dunno. i am still not over her. she was SPECIAL to me goddamn it! she wasnt some random slut! yet to other guys she wilfull presents herself as a random slut. unbelieveable. disgusting. revolting.

interview tomorrow for part time job. 12k a year hahahahaha. well at least its permanent part time hahahaha. and i have worked with this organization before. but it is IMPOSSIBLE to get a full time job here. you have to REALLY know someone powerful . i thought i did, but i either didnt know them well enough or they werent powerful enough. prob both.

went for powerwalk. lyrinx was meh, ruins of beverast was interesting, not as bad production as i expected, but still pretty rough.

anyway i dont like having a special rel thrown away like it was not special. it makes me think the WHOLE THING was an illusion….WHEN IT WASNT.

also, i probably did NOT do something HORRIBLY WRONG AND BAD…..although it was very confusing and bad for me because i got the same reaction as if i had, and it was ENTIRELY up to me to cnvince myself that i hadn’t! and i am not very good at that!

also, i never want to do anything terrible, but i am aware that i might do something terrible, and i want someone to let me know so i can learn from it and never do it again! and she sort of let me know that i did something terrible.

but she DIDNT. she didnt do ANYTHING. maybe i did something bad, maybe I didnt.

http://www.online-stopwatch.com/cash-clock/

hehehehe time is money wagie, tick tock, back to work, another day another dollar.

so yeah i like it when the woman lets you know you didnt do anything terrible that makes you a terrible person, they say its not you its me. i like that. its cliche but it WORKS, it really MEANS something.

i dont want to be such an autistic sociopath that i do horrible things without knowing! i dont want to be a terrible person to other poeple!!!11

so yeah she could have been better in letting me know that i was not a terrible person basically.

and it took me a fookin YEAR to convince myself that she was just Overloaded and Ran Away. but jeez. at least send a messenger. send one last message. wasnt our earlier rel important to YOU???!?!?! Im pretty sure it was! dont be DISHONEST and pretend it wasnt!

but yeah its gonna be the father who teaches his daughter morals, including sexual morality. how to pick a good man. how to wait 8 dates before fooking. how to not bang too many guys. how to pick a good guy young. how to not cheat. how to dump a guy the right way. how to not lead a guy on. the mother just cant do this. because women cant TEACH shit. funny how most “teachers” are WOMEN!

so she turned out ok despite no father. she still hurt me greatly and i wish i had never met her. so if i had followed my never associate with fatherless women rule, then i never would have met her (or at least got attached to her), and my life would have been better.

i mean shit. it just sucks when you have to say “I WISH I NEVER MET YOU. YOU MADE MY LIFE WORSE. YOU BROUGHT MORE BAD THAN GOOD. YOU WERE A NET LOSS.”

when people have an Amicable Break Up, they don’t say THAT. they dont wish they never MET the person.

theres this book called The Ethical Slut which used to trigger me because being a slut isnt ethical, but i guess the book assumes a basis of do no harm, and communicate boundaries, and dont treat people like garbage, and how to communicate about awkward feelings in case your fuccboi gets feelings and you just wanna fucc moar fuccbois.

in other words, i would have LOVED being treated with the ethical guidelines advocated by The Ethical SLut hahahaha. i think.

http://candieportfoilo.yolasite.com/resources/The%20Ethical%20Slut.pdf

its NOT OK to NOT COMMUNICATE with your lovers or yourself hahahaha.  THANK YOU. hahahaha

http://openingup.net/

opening up by the degen slut tristan taormino is argued to be the better book.

heh. i am looking to the MOST DEGEN PEOPLE for advice on Ethical, Mature, Healthy Relships hahahaha. THAT is how IMPORTANT good COMMUNICATION is to ALL relationships, even degen slut ones.

EVEN DEGENERATE POLYAMOROUS SLUTS COMMUNICATE.

I agree with them that communication and respecting feelings is important, ethical, and good!

ok i think i have made my point hahahaha.

i watched “Fargo” last night on viceland degen tv. this is one of those movies that i have wanted to watch beginning to end but had never done so. i had seen the first 30 minutes recently and was quite intrigued. so i was glad to see it here and i caught it right at the beginning. decided to watch the whole thing. there were frequent commercials so that did not help. but overall i found it disappointing. it could and should have been a lot better. just because coen brothers are degen J’s doesn’t mean they haven’t made great movies. but some of them are not so great. this one tilts towards that, when I expected it NOT to.

joos writing supergoys seemed pretty condescending, patronizing, like look at these STUPID WHITE HICKS.

did the guys wife end up dying? i felt they really treated her like a piece of meat. thats somebodys mother. even if the kid is a brat and the father is a scumbag.

i guess frances mcdormand was the moral compass and that was ok…..but I would have liked to see that extend to the other goy characters, like the kidnapped wife. i mean did the big goy barbarian just knock her out, or sociopathically kill her like he did everyone else? did the kidnappers have any intention of doing a “fair” trade? were they just gonna kill the wife all along? why? why was the injun beating steven buscemi with a belt? prob because he drew the attention of the po po on him, i guess. but nothing ever happened to the injun. they never arrested him. or maybe they did later.

just seemed kinda lazy and sloppy and i know coen brothers can do better than this.

unless there are buried hints like a david lynch movie.

why was bill macy in financial trouble to begin with? why did he scam 320k from GMAC car loans if he just needed 1 car to give the criminals? it seemed like he wanted 750k to be loaned from his father in law.

maybe im just asking too many questions. but that is what i do. blame muh job. need to know everything about everything.

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Fargo_(film)

ok so the gmac loan is what he needs the money FOR. but why was he trying to scam them in the first place? gambling? hookers?

and why “fargo” if most of the movie took place in brainerd and minneapolis? he first met the kidnappers in fargo but thats about it.

I mean it was GOOD, but it wasnt nearly as good as i expected. it was disappointing and lazy and sloppy and i feel like i missed something. maybe they edited out important stuff for commercials. i guess the wife is supposed to be dead.

big lebowski was better, raising arizona and millers crossing were WAY better.

this should not be considered a top shelf coen brothers movie. it was lazy and patronizing. how did it win an oscar for best screenplay. how did it become such a phenomenon, with critics and fans shitting themselves over it?

i didnt really like “no country for old men” either.

i did really like the main musical theme of fargo though.

hahahahahahahaha

i didnt think it really SUCKED, I just thought it was ok, not great. is was disappointing and the coens can do better.

i have enjoyed coens films for YEARS and I totally understand and get their style. the layers and subtleties. the dialogue and dialects. ok thats FINE.

i might have liked it more if i saw it years ago, when i was more prone to suck the coen bros jooish dicks.

and i prob would have liked it moar with no commericials, and ucddling with a waifu.

that can make bad movies good.

http://goaskalice.columbia.edu/answered-questions/why-did-she-break-me

its good to Grieve but dont let it CONSUME you hhahahahaha. easier said than done. well it doesnt consume me as much hahaha. but other things do.

like oh god i am unqualified at everything, incompetent, can never get a job or a woman, completely worthless hahaha.

anyway. sheeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeit.

so lets just assume 50% of women are dirty n>=4 whores and 50% are decent n<4 marriageable women. because we just DONT KNOW, and the great rule of thumb is, always assume 50/50 when you DONT KNOW.

i can live with 50/50!

i mean i think being a high number slut who gives it up real quick is a good proxy or way to measure a womans morality and trustworthiness in general. do they really walk the walk. or are they loose. hotdog in a hallway. jsut a damn mercenary riding the coch carousel, where she has given many men a Turn. It MATTERS and STOP PRETENDING IT DOESNT!!!! But they’re not pretending, they TRULY BELIEVE it doesnt matter. totally brainwashed.

okok i need some TROB with……clearer production.  the newest one is generally rated the lowest but its the only one i havent heard at all.  plus i just straight up RESPECK this guy, he is just very special, i dont care that he is a pagan hahahahahahaha. tree worshipper.  he also has Male Pattern Baldness and a Hirsute Robin Williams like body. this endears him even more to me.

i would totally make a moderate effort to see him live. i am glad he likes to play live. why the hell wouldnt you. like these black metal phaggots that are too grim to play. or dsbm people that are too despaired to play live. come on. even trist played live a few times.

i mean yeah the fans are degenerate losers but theres probably one guy there like me who is not hahaha. who is really enjoying your show.

interview tomorrow and i am not even worried or anxious. how can you, for an 11 dollar 20 hour a week job. good god. why do i even wear a suit. why do i think i need a NICE suit.  well at least now i have a nice suit in case i need it. and i just wear it to every damn interview anyway. i am pretty happy about the suit. i had been meaning to get one for YEARS, at least 4 years or so.

i was glad to hear people on the daily shoah agree that MULTITASKING is BULLSHIT. total BULLSHIT. i couldnt agree more. but you HAVE to say you are REALLY REALLY good at it. but if youre HONEST with yourself, it just means you do a shitty, distracted job on many tasks at once. only the most autistic people like rainman MIGHT be good at multitasking. only half of the 1% most autistic people might be good at multitasking. its fookin BULLSHIT, end of story. but we are not allowed to say that. worse, we are forced to actually attempt to multitask!

i dont mind that women are like children……..except for the fact that they do a LOT MORE DAMAGE that children. they break hearts and cheat and ruin lives without remorse. children don’t do this. you dont give the baby a machine gun.

women are like babies born with machine guns. but in the past, society used to do what it could to put the safety on that gun, or take it away.

but why should women be born with something theyre TOO IMMATURE TO USE?

so they can get pregnant as soon as possible, that’s why.

and if they choose poorly, either them, the baby, or both can suffer the consequences for that AFTER the baby is born. but not before.

maybe men and women are not as different as i thought. they just want to fook any (secsy) thing that moves, no regard to the consequences. they dont care who they hurt. we are an r selected inger species hehehehe.

yeah well we WHIITES HAVE to be better than that. maybe thats how humans started, but thats not what WE evolved into. WHITES DONT DO R SELECTION. and it disgusts me to see white women doing it.

women dont have to do time in the prison of relationshiplessness hahahaha. they don’t get tons of TIME to THINK about the DYNAMICS and the ins and outs of relationships because they’re too busy being IN them. they never have a chance to view it from the OUTSIDE. think outside of the box hahahaha.

with me and other foreveralone nevergf virgins, its the exact opposite. we spend all our time thinking about rels, and exactly ZERO time actually IN them!

isnt that funny hahahaha.

holy sheet this one guy who i used to work with at my fun job which i left……..almost 3 years ago, he is still working there! this is just sad because he is older than me, has a degree, has his teaching certificate, and can get a FT teacher job, just sub shit. and they have hired two FT people in the department in the 3 years since i left, and they did not offer HIM the job! maybe they did but he said no? i wuldnt have said no! they interviewed ME for one of those jobs. i didnt get it and i was kinda pissed. why didnt they interview me for the other one? i cant remember exactly when the other one happened. before or after the one interview i had.

maybe i was that shitty of an employee hahahaha. but i dont think so. i definitely was not an electrifying team leader however, and i did not schmooze with Higher Ups like i should have. I just nodded my head and did what they told me and was nice to everybody. but the people i schmoozed best with were not higher ups. they were just level 1 saps like me, or in different departments. the maintenance guy.

heh wasnt good enough to get me an interview when i applied for the maintenance job a few months ago, for the 3 days a year the position is open. blink and you will miss it. literally.

 

 

GAS THE NORMIES NEET UPRISING NOW

july 23

had weird nightmare that people were gradually being taken over by aliens. like body snatchers but they didnt look like humans at all, they looked more like Giant HR Giger Xenomorphs.

funny that you seem to be sleeping the deepest when you are having a terrifying nightmare that you WANT to wake up from. normally you LIKE and WANT to be sleeping deeply. but not now.

is it a good or a bad thing when an employer makes you  print out and sign an application and makes you come in to the office between 4:30pm to drop off the physical papers?

it sounds embarrassingly behind the times, like you’re hiding behind this outdated procedure and will keep the best candidates away.

but there’s also the argument that its a barrier to entry that will keep the WORST candidates away.

so, are you keeping away GOOD candidates, or keeping BAD candidates away?

probably BOTH tbh. you just snip off the outlying tails: the very best AND the very worst.

is it worth it?

but then this is a municipal position where quality is not necessarily necessary!

but companies can be inefficient as fook TOO. and managers much more incompetent than the people they manage.

well, the BEST candidates will eventually find jobs anyway, and probably not without having to go thru 20 interviews, or submitting six hundred applications.

in other words, i am more bad than good hahahaha. on the bad side of the bell curve hehehehe. below average. how do below average people get jobs? by looking for BELOW AVERAGE JOBS.

having an honest perception of what YOUR value on the market really is.  be like, i’m not worth much, and I know it.

but i kinda want the municipal, unionized, 37.5 hours a week, job, so i will follow their EMBARRASSINGLY OUTDATED policies of printing out the pdf.

do they just not KNOW how to accept applications electonically? there are LOTS of people out there who dont know how 2 email, how to add attachments to an email, cant grok how to make passwords for an account. hell no will they know how to set up a pdf to accept a verified signature.

shit you dont even NEED a signature. you can just type in your full name, or check this box to act as your signature.

or just email a god damn resume and cover letter and be done with it.

but noooooooooooooooooo.

I’ve got to PRINT OUT SIXTEEN PAGES and do a signature in ink.

but its a 34k job. kind of out of my league no?

yeah well i have recently interviewed for a 40k a year job mother fooker hahahaha.

aaannnnddd the professional woman i interviewed with on wednesday is not gonna accept my linkedin invite, even though she has 250 connections. well i didnt EXPECT her to anyway. but i am still ENTITLED to call her a bitch hahahaha even though my EXPECTATIONS were MANAGED hahahaha.

the LANGUAGE these people speak! so gay. GAY.wav. YOU FAIRY.wav.

http://www.realmofdarkness.net/pc/sb/pacino/3

oh lord soundboards hahahahahaha

i dont care if david mamet is a HUGE joo, this is still a great movie.

stands the test of time better than woody allens immoral filth.

i am thinking david mamet is way more moral than woody allen.

hopefully. i’m certainly willing to throw mamet in the oven too if he doesnt pass the test.

thats emblematic of muh confusion and weakness, i used to be a HUGE woody allen fan. I thought his neurotic bullshit was SOPHISTICATED and INTELLIGENT.

i still dont really want to crap on “hannah and her sisters”, prob my fav allen film.

but i can definitely crap on it where needed. like its never ok to cheat on your wife with your wifes sister. or to cheat on your boifran with your sisters husband. and woody allen attempting to write goy characters is more insulting and patronizing than women writing male characters hahahaha.  he makes the goys so weak and jooish rather than strong and proud.

absolutely no need to watch woody’s homages to bergman, just watch bergman instead, and there’s big problems with bergman too. he was a white goy but imho he symbolizes sweden becoming jooified. behind every swede there is a joo rubbing his hairy merchant hands hahahaha. be like the poles and throw the bums out.

it’s hard to see all this when you are a 20 year old child swept up in the romanticism of it all.

so youre a jooish neet offended by my anti jooishness? too bad. have your rich father get you a job and get you expensive psych md’s. go to the jcc and bang 18 year jooish sluts. become a counselor at joocamp and bang the female joocamp counselors. just dont get butthurt when theyre banging all the other male counselors. and administrators.

its easier for whites to become neets than joos, because in the current year, joos have a better social support system. your whole family can be poor white trash doing meth and drinking moonshine. there’s no counterpart in the jooish community. every joo has a rich uncle or cousin. doctors, lawyers, executives, business owners. shit you could probably get a job in israel too.  i have no desire to help joos. they have enough help. my fellow goyim are the ones who NEED help in this area.

the fatherland made a good point in epsidoe 36 (i think), the one with jeronimus guest and in fatherland after dark hour 3, they talked about “The BQ” and using MJ.

they made the good point that even though MJ is degenerate, you dont need to get into a Purity Spiral about it, and if you Do MJ once a year to help you Bond Deeper with your Wife, that is fine. Exec Producer Bradan “Killer of Dogs” tells story about how he was having marital trouble so they went to a church sponsored marriage retreat. there was an implied point which I would have made explicit: oh you mean his wife didnt just leave him when the going got tough? she was willing to go get marital help with him, and put in effort to WORK through the tough times? good.

anyway part of the thing was they got a night in a nice hotel, so they decided to go to the washington state legal MJ dispensary and get some brownies to spice up the night. they had a lot of fun and did not turn into degen MJ zombies like 75% of MJ users.

point is, degen things, in MODERATION, are not so bad.

except being a slut and giving up secs to strangers easily. but that was never on the table. these are men doing degen things in strcit moderation with their LONGTERM MONOG WIVES.

like the idea of doing Butt Stuff with your Wife just once to say you did it. totally different than crazy butt sluts getting random bar badbois to do me in the ass.

they mentioned a degenerate bar that was doing a “walk of shame” promotion by giving free bloody marys to any woman who showed a receipt for PLAN B purchase. we all agreed that was absolutely disgusting.

i felt bad for jeronimus because he didnt have the best showing. he could have done a lot better and I think he was just having an off day. he sounded a bit like an autist and also was not talking where his opinion would have been very welcome by me.

i can relate. like where you just have a BAD DAY and then the whole world judges you for that. and you know you’re having a bad day but you just can’t shake it. you just have to survive through it, try to get good sleep, and hopefully tomorrow will be better. but when everyone is judging you and thinking youre a loser and an autist and an ubermensch and a neet just because you’re having a bad day and you can’t communicate quite right…….that SUCKS.

its HARD to be at the top of your communication game at all times, especially when talking to people all day.

that’s why I will always accept emails as valid form of communication too hahahahaha. shit, take a few days and email me when you are having a better day.

so i gotta drive out there during working hours, which normies could not do, print out 16 pages of paper, which could probably cost 1$ to mail which normies would have to do, then pay 25c at the parking meter hahaha. just to Drop Off a job application.

hungary. another great country. white as hell. weird asian language but that hasnt stopped finns from being great. and hungarians are probably less asian than finns ahahahahahhahaha.

you know your gf is at least a 7 when you can honestly say you would LIKE to see her in a bathing suit, especially a 2-piece “bikini” type. if the thought makes you cringe…..she is below a 7 for sure. and i would never want to be with that type of woman long term, or Create New Life with her!

yeah physical attraction is crude, but its necessary even for a principled moral nondegenerate. needless to say, i found That Woman very attractive. technically she was a 7, but 7 is still pretty good, and with my luv for her, she skyrocket to an 8, 9, or 10. WIFE GOGGLES. LUV GOGGLES. I would have LUVED to see her in a bathing suit. all that soft white flesh.

people are FAT because they are so busy WORKING they dont have TIME to eat and be healthy. Since they are WORKING 60 hours a week at least, having working lunches, all they can do is get fast food, and INHALE the fast food while they do their WORK. and THAT is why people are morbidly obese.  and then even if all you did after you got out of work between work and bed, was exercise, it wouldnt be enough to burn off all that god damn mcdonalds you ate like a pig. an overworked pig hahahaha.

its not uncommon for people to have heart attacks and die on the job, i learned. doesnt have to be a physical job at all. they just need to be fat and unhealthy and older. spend all day eating fast food, drinking soda, dealing with 90000 angry customers, and you giving them the runaround on their confusing issues because it costs too much to fix the problem with your shitty product and erything is a goddamn charade, you get stressed out, boom heart attack dead.

great. how fancy do i have to dress up for dropping off a damn application? i mean its the hottest part of the summer (which i am very thankful for, i luv hot weather), its 90 degrees out there so….

i mean i will dress up for the job, i will dress up for an interview and wear a suit coat in 90 degree waether while i wipe my forehead with paper towels, but dropping off an application? i havent dropped off an application in 3 years hahahaha. and that was for a damn municipal job too. noticing a pattern here. cities are inefficient and incompetent hahahaha and only survive because they are public tax supported leviathans.

kinda want to get some sun early in the afternoon. like 1 pm.

ok did that. did 2.8 mile powerwalk in 95 degree weather, about 55 minutes, got some good sun, vitamin d, took shower.

sheeeeit. 1 year into The Recovery and only now am I realizing that SHE DIDNT KNOW ME AS WELL AS I THOUGHT SHE DID.

In other words WE WERENT AS CLOSE AS I THOUGHT WE WERE.

I thought we were close because I knew alot about her. women don’t usually let me get that close. (but they spread their life creators for random men for instant gratification like ingras.)

really? you think its SPECIAL that a WOMAN is TALKING ABOUT HERSELF?

heh well i did because she didnt seem like a narcissist exhibitionist and actually had a private life.

but point im trying to make, did she really know ME? HELL NO!!! She didnt know about my past with women, she didnt know the story of muh high school and college years, she didnt know that much about my life prior to when i started working at the easy job with her.

i mean, i dont really LIKE talking about these things with people, and she didnt really want to PRY them out of me. the result is, she didn’t know ME NEARLY as wel as I knew HER.

and yeah that was my fault. mostly.

but it also explains how she could forget about me a LOT easier than I could forget about her. she didnt really KNOW me.

hehehehe it’s not really a POSITIVE, feelgood realization hahaha.

maybe if she REALLY knew me, she would have DITCHED me a LOT EARLIER.

and THAT would have been GOOD because it would have saved me a lot of pain!

lesson: make sure they know YOU just as much as you know THEM. if they are telling you intimate things about themselves, return the favor with telling them intimate things about you.

nobody told me that being a WEIRDO would make you a loser with women and with friends…….but it would ALSO affect your ability to MAKE A LIVING as nobody wants to HIRE a WEIRDO.

NOBODY WANTS TO HIRE A WEIRDO. 

heheheh.

thing is, i’m not THAT weird, i am just shy and quiet and boring and lame. i am not a total psychopath, i just have really low quality. like an ahtlete with a really low rating. im just shitty at everything hahahahaha.

too boring, too shy, too wimpy, too quiet, too prudish, too nervous, too awkward, too lame.

also you GOT to have something wrong with you to be 30+ years old and never had a REAL gf. theres a huge red flag there!

so because of THAT people think I am a psycho weirdo creep…..but really I never had a GF because I not too weird, but just didn’t quite make the grade. like a DUD. almost made the minimum, but not quite.

he’s not a PSYCHO, he’s just BELOW THE MINIMUM, hahahahahaha.

why would a company keep re-posting a job like a month later?

why would they delete all the resumes they were sent the first time around?

because none of the 1000 resumes the first time were good enough?

they are holding out for a better candidate, than the 1000 candidates they have got so far?

why not just call the best person out of that 1000?

because the best person out of that 1000 wasn’t good enough, so now they’re gonna try to get a NEW 1000?

or is it just Job Growth Theater? its not a real job opening? they don’t intend to EVER fill this “job?” it just makes it LOOK like their company is doing well, or the economy is doing well?

you think their Office Manager even knows? you’d have to talk to the area manager or president or ceo or board. and you aren’t gonna talk to them. you can’t.

and even if you COULD, you think they’d tell YOU? Joe Flabeetz off the the Streetz?

thinking about recreationally using nyquil during the day, same way I would smoke an MJ if i had some.

no, OF COURSE i would not go over the dosage because im aware of the dangers of acetominophen, unlike women or nonwhites.

so bradan fatherland is like 40 years old and has only done MJ like 3 times in his life. and he lives in damn washington where its LEGAL. i dont think we need to worry about HIM. No I like him a lot, he is very laid back and much less autistic than jim, and probably more fun to hang out with hahahaha.

i mean i really like all the guys on the show. ryan no1 i might have the most mancrush on because he is a total alpha male, very charismatic, and probably has an attractive 7 or above wife hhahahaha. and otto just seems like a very nice, friendly, down to earth guy. jim is the most ridiculous and autistic, but he’s a good guy too.

but i also think about george feels. so he lives in colorado and DOESNT do MJ, that says a lot in my book. ANYONE who lives in a legal weed state and isnt 420 blaze it all day long. not that thats a good thing! its DEGENERATE to use MJ every day! smoke weed erry day! THATS DEGENERATE AF!!!!! but i can totally understand it, IVE BEEN THERE, and I might go back there again. it TEMPTS me like none other.

George feels, i think it might help him tho. prob better than him drinking. not that he drinks THAT much. oh you drank 5 beers last night. get back to me when you are drinking at least 12 beers a day. and go on binges where you stay up all night drinking over a Fifth of Hard Booze getting wasted AF. I dont think george does this. he drinks 4 or 5 ciders or guinesses a few nights a week and feels all guilty about it. he’s not even driving around drunk hahahaha.

get back to me when you are drinking cheap malt liquor, cheap bottom shelf whiskey, or cheap boxed wine.

people who want to get drunk so bad they will drink steel reserve WARM.

just the thought of it makes me nauseous now. thank god. that is the proper reaction.

this is why i like podcasts with 2 people having an interview or conversation. they can pull you out of Downward Spirals of Negative Thoughts, and you can do the same for them. Which is why i think it would be a real neat thing for me to have a Skype Talk with George Feels.

more than 2 people, it gets tricky, like on the fatherland. then some people dont talk so much. 3 is do able but 4 is prob too much.

same deal with the millennial woes hangouts. prob why i stopped listening to those. just too many damn people.

2 people is my sweet spot.

HA, company wants references who are NOT former employers/managers, but who have been your NEIGHBORS for 3 to 5 years. Apparently Eggy got butthurt at this and was rude to the recruiter hahahaha.

i have seen a few applications ask for Non Work References, so I just used the same Work References as usually do. I never had a real life recruiter ask for them though.

well eggy will be blacklisted by that recruiter…..but recruiters are bullshit anyway basically meant to keep people AWAY from jobs. more job theater. i mean they never get back to you anyway. except maybe with eggy they put a note in his file saying this guy is an autist who got angry at the recruiter. if they even have a system for cases. candidate tracking system. they just throw everything away hahahaha. SORRY WE HAVE NO RECORD OF THAT.

just curious. WHY do recruiters ask for non work related references?

to paint a FULLER PICTURE of you than employers can give? to really know what kind of person you are? to screen out weirdos and neets and autists that do good work but are antisocial and weird? again, its all bullshit designed to turn people AWAY. they REALLY DONT CARE. NEVER has a non work related reference MADE THE DIFFERENCE. i just want to see the kind of bullshit the recruiters say about why they do this jooery.

http://www.askamanager.org/2013/04/why-do-employers-ask-for-personal-references-rather-than-professional-ones.html

i actually respect and sort of trust askamanager’s opinion. and she agrees personal references are BULLSHIT. THANK YOU.

ok just had some nyquil. 6.11 pm.

today is the type of PERFECT DAY to go to the lake. 90 degrees all day, HOT and sunny. i wanted to go to the lake but i didnt want to go alone. and i couldnt think of anyone i wanted to go to the lake with……except YOU KNOW WHO. and i havent talked to her in a YEAR.

what would alpha male do? just go to the lake alone and then make tons of hawt young female friends when he shows up by being all charismatic.

COMPANIES should run SCHOOLS. currently schools, even GOOD schools, can’t guarantee that you will be employable. if Companies Ran Schools For Children, K-12, this wouldn’t happen.

If Companies Ran Schools….well at the very least the kids would be prepared for a job at that company hahahaha.

schools would just be 12 years of job training.

why dont they just do that?

but then again, i am a fooking OUTLIER. most normies who go to normie skool get normie jobs.  i am only speaking for 1% of the popular. the real WEIRDOS.

but I’m not a WEIRDO, I’m just SUBPAR, hahaha. SUBMINIMUM.  just Not Good Enough, Unfortunately.  Not what we were looking for, sorry.

well, thank you for saying sorry at least! hahahaha.

instead of saying B+ or B or A in your job bookmarks, i have started putting like B+, APPLY!!! in them, so I know which ones I am more serious about applying for. because that’s all that REALLY matters. am I REALLY gonna apply to this one or not. Some job you know right away. those you put APPLY!!! in the bookmark title so you can spot them quickly, when you are ready to apply for a few jobs and want to take a break from scouring the damn indeed list of fake jobs hahaha.

i thought about how i wanted to take HER to the lake and beach and stare at her big pale white ass in a bathing suit and then have luving but masculine pair bonding secs with her.

then i thought, well she’s just doing that with someone else now. well, she’s probably working at her new job, making 16 dollars an hour, which i can never hope to make. and shell have a long hard day and then see her new boifran and night and get some long hard dick to relieve all that stress.

FINE. you can take all the dicks you want. just TREAT ME THE WAY YOU WOULD WANT TO BE TREATED. TREAT ME LIKE A HUMAN BEING WITH FEELINGS AND A HEART. JUST BE NICE TO ME.  you can take all the black cok you want, just BE NICE to me when you dump me.

If i were to do skypes, i’d do one with george feels, def do one with millennial woes, do some with these guys from depression forums. maybe one with a fatherland guy. hahahaha assuming any of those guys would say yes to the idea hahahaha.

i have two main interests apart from muh own navelgazing: huhwhyte nationalist and loser neet feels hahahaha. maybe GOD wants me to combine the two.

well, lemme just say I’m very comfortable speaking for the loser neet feels community. I am NOT comfortable at all speaking for the other community.  i just CANT. they dont want losers speaking for them, shit I dont want losers speaking for them, as a loser I dont WANT to speak for them.

maybe GOD is trying to teach me a lesson to not be racist, and he is gonna answer my prayers in a mysterious way. like i want to have a white waifu and have white children, maybe what GOD will do is send me a stumpy potatoey laotian single mother and i will get to be a surrogate father to her asian bastards, to teach me that Race doesn’t really matter, and that you can love children who aren’t your children as if they ARE your children.

and I would say to the LORD, sorry but thats just not good enough. I asked for WHITE children. white biological children of my own. that was the MINIMUM. you gave me SUB MINIMUM. I do not accept your halfass answer to my prayers. dont you have a QUALITY department hahahahaha. this one is a DUD, hahaha. NOT GOOD ENOUGH. GOTTA DO BETTER, LORD.

the lord works in mysterious ways. sometimes to our prayers he says yes, sometimes he says no, and sometmes he says NOT YET. OR, i’m gonna answer your prayer, but in a totally different way than you expected. you want a wife, i’m gonna send you an ugly nonwhite white to teach you lesson about not being racist and lookist.  its only the NONRACIST people that get wives of their own race, hahahaha. they don’t have any lessons they needed to learn

discipline. being able to do things you don’t like doing, because you HAVE to do them.

of course i try to JOO this by saying, well, i’ll DO it, just dont expect a good job.

NOPE. it STILL has to have good quality. no slacking on quality. DISCIPLINE is not only about doing things when you dont want to do them………but still doing them WELL. HORRY SHEET.

i am an expert in grudgingly, half assedly doing stuff, because i dont like it, i dont want to do it.

yet i dont get good results, because i do the stuff half assed! like maybe i am half assing all these 300 job appliations, because I am not painstakingly crafting every application to the job. because i am only spending 12 minutes per application rather than 30 minutes per application.  i have my Plug And Play sentences in my cover letter…..but the WHOLE COVER LETTER isnt tailored. BUT MAYBE IT SHOULD BE.

but yeah. funny that if two despairers are talking to each other, you can help pull back the other person from spiralling down into despair, being nice to them. but you cant do that with yourself!!!!!! this is a very interesting thing. there is something we can learn and use here.

namely, me talking here, or george making solo videos, is just beating a dead horse, a despair spiral. there needs to be checks and stop signs and guardrails and such to keep us from going off the track. and you can even have another despairer do that for you! they can help others better than they can help themselves!

and i think this is pretty cmmon among despairers!

so maybe this is the ultimate cure for despair: to help other people with despair.

and yeah thats the stated mission of this blog, always has been……..but in reality, its just been me whining about my own bullshit hahahaha rather than helping others.

oh eggy growing his nice long hair. i used to have nice long hair. but i was still a weird creep virgin. then i cut my hair and i sorta got some confidence briefly. then i wanted to grow my hair out again. but it was too late. i had quickly gone bald before age 30.  BRUTAL. shit i STILL might grow the SIDES long hahahaha.

its really not THAT weird for men to have barely any experience with women, like be 30+ and have never had a serious gf. but WOMEN think its WEIRD AS HELL, because they dont appreciate the natural differneces between men and women, and it IS realy weird for a woman to make it to 30 without having a serious boifran.

because women dont have to DO anything.

WOMEN ARE THE SUPPLY, MEN ARE THE DEMAND.

women just do NOT understand this, and men understand it at least implicitly.

sex, relationships, luv, dating, cuddles, affection, making out, anything in that ballpark. women are the supply, men are the demand.

THE SUPPLY CANT DEMAND ITSELF.

The demand can’t supply itself, hahahahaha.

when the demand is high and the supply is low, the price is HIGH AS FOOK.

and the demand will NEVER be low, and the supply will NEVER be high.

well, the supply COULD be higher.  supply of good, decent, marriageable women that is.

july 24

deicide “stench of redemption” 2006 is seen as something of a comeback ater replacing old guitar players  with new ones. i liked a couple decide albums up to “serpents of the light” which i remember when that one came out when i was a total adolescent teen.  SotL was pretty good, then they went on an embarrassingly decline and I just STAHPPED and started listening to opeth and became too cool for deicide. then of course opeth became uncool and uninspired and boring and lame.

now i dont listen to music becuase music is dgenerate hahahaha.

but seriously i dont really care about music made after 2005 and there is plenty of stuff i missed the first time around. like the deicide “legion” album. or sepultura “schizophrenia”. or fookin racist russian black metal bands hahahaha.

i mean seriously. i should be the worlds biggest NSBM fan hahahahaha.

had some nyquil yesterday at like 6 pm, went to bed at 9:30 pm, slept pretty good, did not get out of bed till like 9:30 am, this is pretty standard for nyquil hahaha.

spent all sunday afternoon reading damn metal reviews hahaha.

ok the albums of the day are deicide legion

i never listened to this album and always knew it as “the most technical” deicide album. but decide was never a very technical band! i am really looking for old skool death metal that is br00tal and heavy. hoping there is a heavy guitar sound and blast beats. i am also trying to get a better feel for steve asheim as a drummer, since most people say he is a good drummer, but how good is he really? but i am also looking for something lowbrow, sincere, and badass.

of course later on “technical death metal” became a thing, (gorguts?) and “brutal death metal” became another thing (devourment?) so I am fully aware of that. which is also why i wanted to go back to 1992 before all that shit even existed.

other albums of today:

sepultura: schizophrenia and arise

axis of advance: strike

angelcorpse: exterminate

morbid angel: covenant

niden div 187: impergium

you know i bet at least 20% of men are like me, basically virgins who never had a gf, and women think it is SO WEIRD, BUT IT REALLY ISNT! 20% of men are like us……but women have never met any of us!

the mysterious leader of deathspell omega, hasjarl, is really a 37 year old man named christian bouche who owns a real estate company called sci trident or something and probably is a total EXTRAVERT NORMIE talking to CLIENTS all day and wearing a tailored SUIT and SMILING and Closing deals and making 100k a year and drives a NICE car and wears NICE clothes and probably has an ATTRACTIVE GF from all the money he’s making in real estate hahahahahaha. so how can you take his kvlt music seriously now hahahaha.

well DsO hasnt been relevant since 2012 anyway hahahahahahaha. why did they just STOP suddenly? did he just run out of steam? get too busy making money?

i am being facetious. i hope he makes plenty of money and more importantly, has plenty of white children and doesnt waste any more time on “orthodox satanism.” no such thing for a grown ass white man to be doing.

but again they havent done a damn thing since 2012. cuz he is too busy making money and having secs with attractive wimmin like a NORMIE hahahahaha.

so anyway thats my big thing for this post:

25% of men are 30 year old kissless virgins like me who never had a gf.  it’s NOT THAT WEIRD. women only think its weird because by DEFINITION, because all women have been In Rels, they’ve never really met one of these millions of men! also the men aren’t shouting this from the rooftops, because they are ashamed. they don’t talk about it with women. well i say they should! we should come out of the closet and tell every woman we know that we are huge virgins who never had a gf, just so women, and people in general, but especially women, and to us ourselves, we can see that we ARENT THAT WEIRD!

where am i getting this 25% number? i cant prove it……but YOU CANT PROVE IT EITHER!!!!!!

All about the seed of doubt. i don’t think I could say 50% of men. but 20 or 25%, yeah sure!

of COURSE none of the men women have fooked are VIRGINS! because theyre FOOKING them!!!!!

you’d have to look at the male orbiter friends of the women. certainly they are ashamed of being virgins, and the vain women doesn’t care enough to know.

see, you women ALREADY KNOW some Male Virgins Who Never Had A GF, you just never cared enough to ask! but yeah a good 30% of your Beta Orbiters are Virgins!

You think thats WEIRD? then cut them off of orbiting you! DO THEM A FAVOR!

and do it nicely too! but also be honest! be like, you’re not a bad guy, and this isn’t your fault. its MY fault. but there is NO chance between you and me. its not RIGHT for me to keep leading you on like this. its not RIGHT to use people for the attention and adoration. i will NEVER be your GF. find a woman who will.

heh. its like ive become more hateful against all women, after this one woman.

yet when i was getting along with that one woman, i wasn’t nearly as hateful towards all women. i was more balanced, less hateful.

basically i need to be getting along with at least one woman in order to “humanize” women for me, to show me that not all women are horrible, AND to give me the confidence that I CAN get along with a woman, and am not some Huge Weird Virgin who Repels Women.

it’s hard to not think like that when I don’t have any female friends hahahaha. no evidence to the contrary.

went for 4.2 minle pwoerwalk. listend to arise and legion. arise has great heavy guitar sound. i probably didnt fully understand or appreciate this when i first heard it when i was young and i preferred the “groove” stuff like chaos ad.  yes, i did like “roots.” NO, I did not like “against.” I had the first soulfly album but I didnt super like it. but it was better than “against” hahaha. but after that sepultura became shameful and max became shameful and I forgot that, together, they USED to be a force to be VERY reckoned with. like on “arise.” great metal album for any metal fan.

deicide legion was….also early 90s scott burns stuff. the first deicide i ever heard was “once upon the cross” 1995, which was sorta new at the time, and i remember seeing it in the record store and being frightened of how blasphemous and evil the cover was. like wow this deicide band is the most extreme thing ever. then my friend got the album and i made a tape of it because i was too scared to actually buy the album hahaha. but i enjoyed the album and it was my first real taste of Death Metal. and then serpents of the light came out and i was fully on board with that one. also listened to their live album which came out after that, it was a great live album. “when satan lives.” and also listened to their first album a bit. but totally skipped over “legion.”

so i listened to it today and it was pretty good. super distorted and kinda sloppy guitars. the bass mixes well with it though, you can always hear the bass rumbling.  drums sound pretty good, hold the chaos together. benton sounds hateful but not as intimidating as he did on “once upon the cross”, here he sounds more human. no he sounds fine, no problems there.

but yeah OUTC and SOTL are definitely more catchy than this. better riffs. but legion definitely has replay value. some MJ would help though. and I bet it sounds better loud on good speakers.

see i think goatwh0re knows how to get really good production. the stuff is clear, and heavy, and not super polished. but the guitars sound way heavier than say “legion.” although their newer stuff is not as Inspired as their Older Stuff. also their drums are never clicky. this is how guitars and drums should sound IMHO. basically if all metal albums sounded like that, I would be happy. purists will say its not raw enough. i saw it’s plenty raw enough. if it sounds TOO raw then it stops being HEAVY and just sounds like CARDBOARD.

Women think its SO WEIRD when a guy is a virgin and or nevergf. Theyre like EW WEIRD uh NO I never met any weirdos like that. Well shit yeah you have. every guy you rejected as being too nice or too weird. just look at your orbiters. if you treated your orbiters as people and ACTUALLY GOT TO KNOW THEM, you would find that some of them are virgin nevergfs.

TREAT PEOPLE LIKE PEOPLE.

YES the orbtiers are dumb for orbiting around you like a servile puppy dog, but if you were a virgin nevergf desperate for a gf, youd do the same thing too.

GET TO KNOW YOUR ORBITERS. you will be surprised at what you learn. you could learn soemthing from their lives of quiet desperation hahahaha. gain some sympathy for nevergfs who are just lonely as fook. learn more about the nevergf/neverrel life. shit yeah its scary. be thankful that you will never know it. but you SHOULD make an effort to learn about it. because its the life many of your orbiters live, and you dont even KNOW.

NEVERGF. WE ARE LEGION. EXPECT US.

aajjajajaja. 25% of men baby.

well, it doesnt MATTER if a 16 year old or 18 year old boy is a virgin. it really starts being “WEIRD” around age 25. so, lets say 25% of men over 25 are nevergf virgins. there. BELIEVE IT.

IF YOU TOOK THE TIME TO TREAT PEOPLE LIKE PEOPLE AND ACTUALLY GET TO KNOW THEM as people rather than adoration-showering objects, you’d see that you actually know a LOT of male nevergf virgins! ITS NOT THAT WEIRD!

hey it wasnt for lack of trying! I WANTED To make it work! THEY NEVER WANTED to make it work! They just wanted to WALK OUT and BAIL and leave me in the LURCH.

I didnt BAIL on the relship, THEY did!!!!!!! I wanted to put in the WORK, THEY didn’t!!!!!

thats why i am nevergf hahahaha.  its THEIR fault hahahahahaha.

when woman2012 dumped me (and she was VERY GOOD about it, but i was STILL upset), i was just starting to become friends with woman2015. I was getting along with her really well, but i couldnt even THINK of her like that, i was still obsessed with the other woman. but it was good that i could get along with a woman. talk to a owman normally. i don’t have that now. so i totally doubt my ability to talk to women, get along with women, have female friends, get along with women like human beings. i don’t have any of that at the moment like i did in 2012, 2013. 2014. some of 2015. although things were bad in 2015. worse than I even knew.

well i sorta get along with some women. i see peoples GF’s at my weekly social event. we are nice to eaach other and i do VERY small talk with them. but i had gotten closer to That Woman in ONE MONTH than i have gotten to any of these women. which isnt to say That Woman Moved FAST – just that we both got along really well and hit it off immediately and had small talk really easily and could just talk real easy about lots of stuff, in a way that I can’t just do with anybody and everybody. but some people CAN. especially women hahaha. they turn on the charm and make you feel special, but you’re really not hahahaha. how many guys has she done that with in the past year? how many new guys she fooked? met from dating sites? how many new omega virgin orbiters has she had that think they have such a special connection? how many chumps thought the same thing i did? WOW i just NEVER get along with WOMEN so well, this gurl is really SPECIAL!!!!!

but i can tell you she honestly wasnt a slut, was not an extravert, did not get out much, did not meet a lot of new people. at least back then. who knows what she’s become now. in the past year. and it just DOESNT MATTER because I will never know her again! but you can see i still want to!

i was thinking of getting hooker this year, maybe that would help. actually making the call wuld be the hardest.

also i would have to get a damn job of course.

get a damn job so i can buy MJ and get a hooker hahahahaha.

get blazed on MJ and then walk around for 2 hours listening to music and fatherland and george feels and self made podcasts of me reading Knowledge about whatever my ridic job is hahahahaha. trying to learn and know EVERYTHING so i am prepared for explaining the most ridiculous shit to angry callers day in day out. well WHY cant you help me. sorry just can. no you CANT speak to the supervisor. hes in a meeting. no we dont call people back.

why dont they teach THESE soft skills in schools? if COMPANIES ran schools, like they should……they WOULD!

heheheh why didnt SCHOOL teach me the things COMPANIES want in order to give me a JOB and PAY me ?!?!??!?!?! Like how to bullshit people who want to speak to a manager? like how to bullshit when something makes no sense but you have to handle it now and can’t pass it to someone else?

ht     tp://scottberkun.com/essays/53-how-to-detect-bullshit/

unfortunately, all the articles on the internet are on how to detect bullshit and how to destroy it…….not on how to CREATE IT CONVINCINGLY ON THE SPOT, UNDER PRESSURE, WHEN IT IS MOST NEEDED.

https://www.google.com/webhp?sourceid=chrome-instant&ion=1&espv=2&ie=UTF-8#q=how%20to%20come%20up%20with%20bullshit%20explanations%20on%20the%20spot

googles got NOTHING hhahahaha.

i mean my bullshit detector is pretty good. i think EVERYTHING is bullshit hahahah. i dont LIKE bullshit. i hate it. i dont WANT to do it. I just HAVE To do it to survive on muh job.

no i dont! i havent done this in a YEAR!

george feels said that his father, who had been unemployed for THREE long years, complained about his previous job like it had just happened YESTERDAY. it was that unpleasant, and that fresh in his mind still. its like you can be permanently SCARRED, george noted.

i kinda have that. it has been over a year, yet I can remember that unpleasant feeling as clear as day.

too bad I can’t remember detailed STORIES that I can use in an INTERVIEW to show how AWESOME and SMART and cool under pressure I am!

but yeah it IS stupid and scary and sad that a bad job can almost SCAR you like this.  hope you never know that feel, GEORGE. check your unscarred privilege hahahaha.

all this stuff on the internet on how to DEAL WITH bullshit, but NOTHING on HOW TO bullshit. so how do all these bullshitters learn? it just comes NATURALLY to them? it must! cuz I don’t see a single article TEACHING somebody HOW TO bullshit. I would really like to read that article.

no, there is ONE article out there, and its OK, but I need MUCH MORE.

 

 

NOT EVEN A FINALIST FOR MAILROOM CLERK

june 23

ive never seen a job posting that says DONT FOLLOW UP. I have seen “NO PHONE CALLS” which I guess might be code for that.

I bet “progressively increasingly responsibility” is CODE for dont hire losers like me who might not technically job-hop……but they never move UP in their Career because they are an unambitious loser, who just Shows Up To Work. doesn’t ATTACK their work with gung ho initiative. they might not be scared of work, but they are scared of progressively increasing responsibility. we dont want such a SLACKER. only marginally better than a JOB HOPPER.

oh sheeeeeit. this job tomorrow is 15 DAH. no WAY am I gonna get that. #Fight415 hahahahahahaha

NOICE. rejection email for MAILROOM CLERK job I applied to at least 2 months ago.

applied april 1, rejected june 23 NOICE

CANT EVEN GET AN INTERVIEW FOR MAILROOM CLERK. I was not a FINALIST for MAILROOM CLERK.

cant even be a finalist for mailroom clerk, cant even get dumped via text.

i dont care, i am a HUHWHYTE SUPR3MIST!!!! 14 WURDZ!!! HUHWHYTE POWER! HUHWHYTE POWER!!!!

Too bad I can’t use some of that Huhwhyte power to Get a Job and Get a Huhwhyte Huhwyfe, hahahahahahaha.

oh heres a good protip. some companies jobsites dont even allow you to set up a job email alert for new job postings in the area.

so now you have to go to indeed and see if you can find that company by typing company:(marxist univershitty) in city or zip whatever. then FOLLOW the company, then look in your job ALERTS, then find the company again, and then change the alert from weekly to daily. this way you will get notified same day of any new postings. also if it’s a big company in many states or cities, change that alert so its within 10 or 20 miles of your home for that company, so you don’t get alerts for jobs in fooking california or some godforsaken state where you dont live.

i saw a young blond girl at my social thing. she was definiitely under 25 and over 21. maybe 21 or 22. so ridiculously cute. had natural, long blond hair. no makeup. was not dressed like a whore, except her Jeans were a little tight. but she had this innocent look too which I liked. I said YASSSSSSS if I were hanging out with THAT gurl, I WOULD forget about THAT woman and fully get over her.

though what do i say to talk to a 22 year old gurl whos CLEARLY out of my league?? plus I think she was Fooking one of the guys in her group.  He didnt look SUPER alpha. I was a bit envious because good lord. i mean the gurl was hawter than supermodels or porno bitches or whatever The (((((Media))))) says that men think is hawt.

NO. Men think normal regular young gurls are hawter than any MODEL. But so many women are fat potatoes hhehehe.

Hey I’m no longer overweight! I’m simply asking for a woman who has the same BMI as I do!!!!

also if they have some Fat on their Belly or Hips or Thighs or Fat Ass, that’s PERFECT. just dont be a fooking shapeless stumpy potato.

apparently 70% of employers have a Pet Peeve when Candidates apply who are CLEARLY not qualified hehehe. well then they probably hate me!

interview tomorrow, havent even looked at shit yet, but i have applied for 7 other jobs hahaha.

196 jobs. soo close to the 200 mark. well this is not exact because some of those emails include 2 or more jobs, and some jobs do not send confirmation emails.

just imagine some dark, big-lipped, knuckle-dragging “google”. if he can work a job and make 15 DAH, SO CAN YOU, HUHWHYTE MAN!!!!!!!!

HUHWHYTE POWER!!!! HUHWHYTE POWER!!!!! 1433!!!!!

See this is TERRIBLE for the movement, and I am sorry guise. I KNOW you need better representation. Like the handsome, young, strong, successful young man spotted in texas wearing a TRS shirt and trump hat. He probably has a great job and a decent GF and will have a nice huhwhyte family. huhwhytes dont need NEET losers coming out in front……lest normies think that all huhwhyte 1433ers are neet losers. i mean this has already been the stereotype forever, and only in the past year or so has there been any significant progress made in changing that stereotype, and I am not helping in that regard WHATSOEVER!!!!!!!

so yeah don’t take me as a representative for the movement. they are much more successful at life than me. i wish I could be an asset to muh holy race and not a liability!

but i dont care! I will luv muh huhwhyte race as much as ever loved any huhwhyte woman, and certainly more than any woman ever luved ME!

I have a RELATIONSHIP with the HUHWHYTE RACE! a pretty healthy loving monogamous relationship! better than I have had with any woman!

it’s two sided! it supports me, and I support it!

It looks NARCISSISTIC when you project the amount of CONFIDENCE you NEED to have to SURVIVE at a bare minimum, meaning, 15 dollars an hour, and to get a woman to not abort your baby. if you dont have that natural confidence, you HAVE to fake it till you make it, and when you have to fake a whole lot of confidence like this (becuase it does take a LOT of confidence), it can look like narcissism to the unconfident, neet, loser, depairing eye.

be v10l3nt. (warning: not advocating v10l3nce.) by that I mean Have A Predator’s Mindset. Not afraid to beat the shit out of aggressors, or anyone who looks at you funny. Don’t Be Afraid To Use Violence When “Necessary”, and have a hair-trigger for determining that level of necessary. be like an google or a jihadist and beat the shit out of wimpy phaggots just because they LOOKED at you the wrong way. this is a sure sign of the confidence you need in life.

in previous generations the MEEK used to be able to survive. get a 15 dahj, and maybe even have kids with some crazy skank, or some ugly beta woman for a wife. but no more. the meek are getting slaughtered.

i mean its stupid to take a 30 question “IQ” test for a 12 dahj, then a 150 question (ONE HUNDRED AND FIFTY) question personality test. I mean, the tests i can understand……..if you become a Finalist just by taking the test. but I will do well on the iq test, probably do pretty good on the pers test, and still not be a finalist for a 12 dahj accounting clerk job.

hehehe there is even a warning saying dont try to game the pers test to what you THINK people would want, tehre is a measure in there that is meant to detect lying, and you will be disqualified.

oh shit waddup dat boi

b76aef22ea0161d7b26c8e731237cf3bb6cd3e1d

AYO HOL UP

see the frog speaks AAVE and I am marginalizing that hahahahah AYO AYO AW SHEEEEEIT WAADDDDDUP DOE

AAVE, sukk muh dikk damn google skypes hahahaha. its a damn frizzy haired mulatto google skype with a phd in african american studies that came up with that word AAVE i bet any money.

ingras hahahaha.

but yeah just be OBNOXIOUSLY CONFIDENT. yeah I guess to be a well rounded not OVER confident normie is best, but its hard to have that equanimity and security when you are just Faking It.

i know women like that, but i didnt realize how much employers are the same way.  like stupid bitches who just want googlish, chest-pounding narcissistic gorilla big man thuggishness.

what is the huhwhyte version of Hypermasculinity?

Maybe a Slavic Strongman? maybe something like Thor?  The Golden One? Yeah basically. these guys are big and they are RIPPED.

still havent prepared for interview at ALL. havent printed shit out, havent prepped muh Stories, havent done Jack Shit, its like a Homework Assignment from College that I’m procrastinating on.

here’s why i don’t like women:

WHY DO YOU NEED TO BE WITH 10 GUYS BEFORE YOU GET MARRIED?

WHY DO YOU NEEEEED TO BE WITH 5 GUYS BEFORE YOU GET MARRIED?

I don’t NEED to be with 5 WOMEN before I get married!!!!!!

So why do you NEED to be with SO MANY GUYS? fooking degenerates.

june 24

well had my interview at the …..education place. on paper it sounds really good. they give training in like and to employers who apparently cant do it themselves hahaha. there is a huge ass facility with big expensive equipment.

i talked with the director who was a……darn S (type of huwhyte) hahahahaha. dont want to mention too much re opsec and doxxing, because you dont see many S’s around these parts. but i of course have a hardon for these hyperboreans. while searching for his email address afterwards i found a press photo of him standing with prezident barry obongo hahahahahaha when the prez actually visited this facility during a visit to our state. because it has significance to the economy and jobz. training working class people to work with. techmology etc.

hahaha so technically i talked to a guy today who had talked to barry a few years ago hahahaha and had pictures taken for the paperz to prove it. 2 degrees of separation.

i was nervous and talked too quickly, but i did OK i guess. the interviewers were nice enough. even the S guy did not try to bust my balls or freeze me out with S coolness, hahaha.

sent the thank you email.

they said they would decide quickly, like next week.

it seems like a great place and it was pretty quiet in there, no phones ringing off the hook.

put its just part time and temporary.

technically i would probably take the nursing home backoffice job over this, just because that is full time and permanent.

hehehe i guess if they offer me, then say listen if this nursing home offers me, im gonna have to take it.

AW FOOK I forgot to ask is there a chance of this job being made permanent. its all to do with grants and funding and shit.

is there a chance of the job being made full time. well….probably not hahahaha. getting a full time job at this organization is fookin impossible. they have like 1 ft opening a year for phd-level (or at least MBA) administrators and directors and shit.

yet i interviewed for an FT job there once that only required an associates degree. I did not get it and I was pretty pissed. cuz it was with the actual department i had worked in.

had a dream last night that had That Woman, dont remember much, but we were arguing very unproductively. She was bad at me and was being a brick wall. not much different than real life, except she was willing to be a brick wall to me IN PERSON.

maybe it means even if we HAD met up, it would not be a good talk, and she would still Stonewall me.

but its so much better to be stonewalled in person than stonewalled from a distance hahahahaha. shows they are still willing to spend time alone with you outside of work hahaha.

was watching the first episode of luther yesterday. i like the show even though i wish luther was white. but idris elba plays the role well. so i just pretend he’s white. but he’s always dating/fooking these WHITE women. so I’m conflicted. I wish he would just be with other white-acting black women.

also I am WELL aware that he could make ANY white woman Go Black. White Women LOVE him and think he is the secsiest man ever. And he does have a lot of masculine charisma, and is a Big Masculine Man. I can see why the ladies luv him. but have some damn racial hygiene. but women just don’t have that in them. it’s up to men to manage the purity of the race. women will just have mud babies with any big secsy black ape hahaha.

but luther is essentially a very hwyte acting black guy. i am sure there are horrible articles out there talking about how this is problematic, that luther’s blackness is essentially ignored.

anyway, basically I just pretend he is white, and try not to bitch about his wife being a mudshark. but she is a total lawyercvnt who does a trial seperation, and luther wants her back, only now she’s fooking a new man (a white guy) and she loves him and she blames luther for the marriage failing, because he was distant and married to his work. so i say give him a damn chance, don’t dump him and start fooking a new guy! luther wants to make this work! meet luther halfway!

so luther gets upset when she dumps him, and he breaks a door in her house. does this mean luther is a bad woman beater? of course not! but when you break a damn door or punch the wall, stupid women see this as abuse, or a red flag. but its NOT. you’re just RIGHTFULLY ANGRY she is leaving you in the lurch, not giving you a chance, not wiling to make an effort, and just dumping you for another guy she’s fooking.

but luther is not really protrayed as ABUSIVE though. We KNOW he wouldnt beat HER. but we also know he is a bit unhinged and bipolar and hell yeah he’s gonna break a door. But I at least trust him not to beat her. and he doesn’t. at least not in episode 1. but he is upset and pounding on her door pleeeeasssseeee talk to me for 1 minute!!!!!!! adn she doesnt want to talk.

so i see her as a total bitch and i sympathize with luther totally. apart from him being black and her being an obnoxious humanitarian lawyercvnt. she WOULD be.

I know later he gets involved with a troubled young white gurl.

why can’t he just find a nice black gurl?

so apart from that, the show is pretty good.

also i find it weird that a woman can resist this masculine Ebony Hunk. who’s a bit of a badboi and a fixer, but he makes a great living as a ….DCS? DCI? im sure he makes good money in his detective job. you dont just start out in a job like this. he’s been Promoted many times. he is essentially A Manager. a position of Authority.

also, blaq people arent as smart as luther hahaha.

wow brexit vote leave, that is pretty interesting. that is prob a good thing. certainly us racist rightist nationalists agree the eu is bad and uk should leave it. be very interesting to see how this plays out. i mean its reason to be cautiously optimistic.

i wonder how my 401k is doing hahahaha. uh it has lost like 90 dollars from when i first started it hahahaha. what a fookin waste.

i dunno i like anything that da joos and the leftist commies dont like. and they say its onyl racist fascist nationalist uneducated FOOKING HWYTE MEN who want to leave. well looks liek the good guys won then hahahaha.

so….ok. if they offer me this job with the S , say yes i’d love to BUT be aware if I get the offer from the “assisted living facility” I will HAVE to take that, which means I will leave you in the lurch after 1 or 2 weeks.

heh. assuming I get TWO offers AT ONCE.

ok so thats NINE interviews. I guess I should expect at least 14 interviews before an offer right? 14? lucky 14? as in 1433? certainly 1433 interviews is way too much. I don’t think I’ve even done 1433 interviews in my whole life, hahahahahaha. i don’t think the biggest job hopper has done 1433 interviews in their whole life!

i wonder if i can get BANNED from (((wordpress))) just for using the number 1433. VERY PROBABLY.

i have become wat ramzpaul calls “the 1433 crowd” and I LUV it hahahaha.

ridiculous. i was being interviewed by a S who was photographed showing the same facility to barry hussein obongo. good god how ridiculous. he seemed like a good alpha male though. i like S’s (well, in theory) and he seemed like a decent guy. but I am INTIMIDATED by power and authority, because its exactly what I don’t have. Women are not so intimidated by it, but they think its SEXY. which is why they dont think Im sexy at all hahaha. I know this guy has been married for 2x years. HOPEFULLY he has at least 3 children. hopefully he is married to a hwyte , if not S woman. i would be surprised if he were married to a nonwhite. power white men in this area rarely get married to nonwhite women.

i TOLD you I was obsessed with race and being white.

took 4.44 mile powerwalk. beautiful evening. 78-80 degrees.

i would totally take her back. i simply dont have feelings for anybody else. i would bang other gurls but i just cant imagine having feelings for them. and i wouldnt want to marry or Create New Life with some broad i didnt have FEELINGS for.

like i had with her!

if she came back to me i could TOTALLY rekindle. pick up where we left off. re establish the good shit we once had. and I would put SAFEGUARDS in place to make sure this shit didnt happen again. for example, i would ask her once a month “thinking of leaving me? dont. talk to me about it first” hahahaha

and some intense poundings and spankings would be more than enough to DOMINATE her and make her be LOYAL to me. i would pound and spank the shit out of her.

ok i will tell them i have 25%? 33? 40% chance of getting this nursing home job (dont call it a nursing home, call it long term care) which is full time and permanent. whats the perfect percentage? I think about 25%.

i mean i NEVER know realistically what the percentage is anyway. 1 out of 14 hahaha. 7% chance of getting any job.

but yeah i would take her back.

in my state there are more openings, far more, for mechanical engineers than electrical engineers.

well, i’m sure either one would do well in any state.

i mean i dont give a shit about anythign but finding a good white wife. and i found one and she left me bwawawawawawawawaw. and i need to replace her with a better or at least good ENOUGH white woman to make me FORGET about her.

i mean you never forget, but you CAN move on. i haven’t forgotten about woman2012…..but really i might as WELL have for the little i think about her, and I truly don’t want her any more! i mean yeah if she came back into my life i could probably stir up some interest haha. but it just doesnt BOTHER me at ALL anymore.

the shit with woman2015, That Woman, still bothers me a LOT, every DAY.

woman2012, doesnt bother me at ALL. dont even think of her once a WEEK.

well at least i got at least 2 solid Job Leads today when I skipped applying for Jobs to go to muh interview.

the job sounds confusing as fook. i told them i have “pretty thick skin” and can handle the bantz. and can work well under pressure and not take stuff personally. hehehehe. well its TRUE that I got pretty GOOD at working under pressure at the call center. I just forget about that because I lost all muh confidence in the last 3 or so months i was workign there. because of the situation with her. i totally lost confidence in my job.

if she werent THERE at the JOB, and I were just having Problems With My Wife, i dont think it would have affected my confidence at work so much.

but to see her there ignoring me and hating me and being friendly with other guys, probably fooking them the whore, hahahah, that was too much. i hate seeing muh women rejecting me and then seeing the other guys who are my competition. who are then succeeding where I failed. i cant handle seeing any of that shit. even if theyre not rubbing it in my face per se. i just dont want to see ANY of them. well, mainly the woman. if she quit the job at that time, i would probably still be there. well, id be collecting unemployment now and i prob would be more confident about taking a new job at a new place, where i might be a level 2 or supervisor. god i hope she’s not a supervisor at HER new place. fooooook me. fook her. i wonder who shes fooking. i wonder how many guys shes fooked in the past 11 months. 1? 2? 3? 4?

THERES NO NEED TO FOOK MORE THAN 4 GUYS BEFORE YOU GET MARRIED.

hehehehe. no need to fook more than THREE guys.

let alone three guys in ONE YEAR!!!!!! horry sheet! DEGENERATE.

public shaming would keep women from doing this. this is why slut shaming is GOOD. we need MORE of it. it keeps women from being sluts. like if you publicly flogged, or wore a scarlet letter. it wouldnt cost the taxpayer 50 dollars a day to punish you. just a public flogging and shave your head bald. i guess a scarlet letter, how would you enforce that? that would cost too much money to enforce. but a flogging and head shave? less than one hour of 12 dollar an hour work. and you could make the woman pay for it.

we are going to flog and shave sluts heads, and we are gonna make sluts pay for it!!!!

how about locking a chastity belt on them? it would be like having an ankle bracelet. i had one hahahah. you cant just take it off. if you do, the court is automatically notified. and you pay a shitload of money for it.

pay a 10000 dollar fine for being a slut. then i guarantee you would stop being a slut. like i stopped drinking. although its more shameful to be a slut than a drunkard hahahaha. cuz i wasnt degrading my babymaker hahahaha. although i guess i could have killed somebody. still not as bad as abusing you babymaking ORGAN and, more profoundly, your babymaking ROLE. with great power comes great responsbility, and sluts abuse that power and totally shirk that responsibility, shamefully!

THEY DESERVE TO BE SHAMED!

I bet those 2 sluts I was with when I was young have been with BLACK guys! well, the first slut at least! but good chance on the second one too.

i just dont have PROOF of it, the way i do with That Woman. pictures of her getting jizz blasted on her pretty white face from idris elba hahahaha. daddies cvmmies hahahaha. that is a terrible meme.  copypasta from some submissive sluts who like to find a dominant “daddy” and then they BEG him to jizz on their faces and they call it daddys cvmmies.

well i kind of like the idea of being one of those dominant daddies hahahaha and some little slut BEGGING to get DEFILED by me. but i wouldnt marry the gurl. i would gladly enjoy a phase of degeneracy with her though!

HAVE SOME RESPECT FOR HUMAN LIFE AND THE PROCESS THAT CREATES IT

april 27

http://www.relationshiptalk.net/blocked.-no-break-up-no-closure.-silent-treatment.-stonewalling.-853786.html

http://archive.is/Jf0pc

because this site has ….. in its URLS which is NOT a best practice, they should talk to a center of excellence. how do you get hired if you dont KNOW best practices?

well they cant check everything. weve got metrics and deadlines, we cant check everything on all of our candidates. still a god damn computer science grad should know better. i dont think they are hiring shaneequa jankins to build this website. well, maybe they actually ARE. like i say, the incompetence and shoddiness of Business and the Work people do is SHAMEFUL. and frustrating. and mind boggling.

april 28

going to take drug test, i took small #1 and only expelled a portion but hopefully not too much. this shit is so stupid.

like i say its shameful you cant trust the companies you pay for service, to give you good service.

how is this anything new or shocking? its not, but it sucks when its your job to give that service. the customers are rightfully angry, you are flustered and angry, because you want to help them, but you cant figure out how, and your company is very unwilling to give help or permission because you found a way to pull a GOTCHA on the customer. you signed the contract goy.

and telling you work faster. i dont know HOW, but figure out a way to work faster. streamline your workflow. talk to other people on your level. trim the fat. cut corners.

well when i

ok took the drug test, they were very nice and professional and didnt seem to hate their lives or jobs. they probably had husbands and children. the cup i urinated in was very fancy and looks like it cost the US taxpayers a lot of money hahahaha.

I wrote my resignation / quitting / giving up email to the recruiter saying nope sorry cant start at the call center on monday, but as a sign of good will and i’d like to work with you in the future, here’s some inside information on whats going on at my old employer, and heres a list of 30 fooking names of people there, who could very well be interested. Gave them names, linkedins, and some personal emails too. I said PLEASE keep me anonymous/confidential. also said the managers might want to help but might have their hands tied. the Big Boss will very likely be of no help. so maybe try talking to a level 1 and see if they can give you any more names and contacts.

assuming what other peoples jobs will entail because nobody knows how to do their jobs, and I have to know Everything About Everything,

YOU HAVE TO KNOW EVERYTHING ABOUT EVERYTHING.

I googled to see if there was any business news about layoffs at the company, and found a facebook page visited by people who work there. a bunch of familiar names. everyone was joking around with each other and trying to be funny. including That Woman. Her profile picture was not discernable. it was fuzzy and blurry and dark and couldnt see her face thank god. and of course i could not click on it. I was not signed into facebook, i have been deactivated for 9 months, remember hahahaha.

still i was not happy to see her Handling Everything Well, laughing and joking.

I was angry and jealous that she was able to WITHSTAND and SURVIVE and the job did not bother her as much, and because of this faces a promising career in help desk bullshit. when I cant even stomach the idea of going to another call center and doing another stupid tech support case. she is strong and i am weak. i was jealous of her for that. why couldnt she help me and give me some of that strength to carry on.

so yeah she will have no problem getting a new job, and would probably not think twice about going to this new call center. she would say yeah it sucks but gotta pay dem bills and go to work. just suck it up and do it. whereas I go crazy and think oh god its gonna push me to my breaking point and im not gonna be able to HANDLE IT!!!!! because that has happened before.

fook its happened to her before. I just wish it happened to her here. or recently hahahaha.

But yeah I included her name and email in my list of people to the recruiter.

and after crafting this email with 30 names, hand picked linkedin links, emails, lots of in depth analysis and thought, i say this is probably confidential, and she replies with a 1 sentence thing saying they already know about this, its not confidential, sorry you can’t make it, please feel free to give us referrals.

I JUST GAVE YOU 30 NAMES!!!!!!!

I met the woman in person and she was nice but I think she is just an idiot on email.

So I sent the email as well to the younger, probably more email savvy recruiter.

so what if you already know about this? who’s on your list of names? I guarantee I got you some new personal email addresses. a thank you would be nice hahaha.

cuz its very possible word has gotten out and the people here know about the recruiter and the recruiter has been talking to them……but its equally possibly that no. people are just keeping stuff like this secret. it was kind of a secret keeping place. and cliques and such. I gave them names that covered ALL cliques. even people I didnt particularly like. people that might be fooking That Woman hahahaha. because nobody there deserves to be DOWNSIZED.

watch they contact HER and tell her I gave them her email hahahahaha. when I blatantly said PLEASE keep me ANONYMOUS.

heh. i just hate thinking of her moving forward with life and me staying STUCK just like i have been STUCK for 12 years hahaha.

and that I was just dead weight and toxic to her, that her life was better with out me.

we all have Toxic People who are best to cut out of our lives. Bad influences that drag you down. you’re better off without them. Or we have at least known people like that at some point in our lives.

its TERRIBLE for your confidence and self esteem, when YOU are one of those people for someone else!

when THEY are a very positive influence in YOUR life, and you are a very NEGATIVE influence on THEIR life!!!!!

and you’re stuck on them, and stuck in life, and they move upward and onward in life! and they cant help you nor do they want to help you. I imagine seeing her again in 5 years and she is making 100 grand a year and i am making 10 grand a year and she is like oh how sad, welp have a good life loser! sorry not sorry! thats what you get for making bad decisions and being a weakling who cant handle work! maybe if you werent such a cowardly pussy!

hahaha well YOURE the one who was cowardly to ME and YOURE the one who fooks deadbeats you fookin whore hahahaha. in an ideal world, I would be making 100 k a year because you cant even spell YOURE right and youre a horrible problem solver in Technology, how the hell did you get promoted to manager.

well im done with all that. i sent them a bunch of names and emails and linkedins, including HERS.

then in 10 years she will look back and remember me as a pathetic sad loser who couldnt cope with life and she is done hanging out with losers, he was an ok guy but DAMN was he a SAD LOSER, sorry not sorry, I just dont need that, i’m a successful winner, dont let anyone bring me down.

rather than remembering me as a good person who was once her good friend and we got along really really well.

which is how I will remember her. damn. a good person and we got along really well and it was really SAD how it all ENDED.

and now she is coping with the place closing very well, very mature, having a positive attitude, joking around with all the coworkers she gets along very well with. i think about how she is doing all the time, and she never thinks about how I am doing hahaha.

i think it upset me just to go to that facebook page which was kind of set up as an unofficial place for employees to bitch about the company, quite rightfully. MIGHT NOT be the best idea to put your name out there so that anyone can see it though! also it wasnt super in depth. there was like less than 5 posts and nothing too harsh or emotional. just people making light jokes like they weren’t losing their jobs.

and i was upset just to see HER NAME there, evidence of her making one insubstantial remark on this page, like you are the best team ever!! smiley.  and i would see her name, her talking, her picture of some dark blurry blob and thank god not her face, and I would get angry that she was still working there, she was doing fine, she was handling adversity well, she was friends with her Team Members, and she doesnt give a FOOK about me, her once good friend that she just walked away from without a word. And that I still cared about her and she couldnt care about me LESS.

I can look at other people’s names that work there, but just seeing her NAME as posting on facebook was very TRIGGERING for me and I wish I hadn’t even seen her NAME. evidence of her out there in april 2016, interacting and socializing and coping and surviving and carrying on like a fookin normie, struggling and winning rather than struggling and LOSING.

EVERYBODY struggles. just some people win that struggle and others lose. bit by bit. you have wins and losses. and at some point one starts to outweigh the other.

basically it is just too much to see evidence of her existing post our big falling out. I still want her. I dont want her enjoying life without me. I want her to be upset about me. In the sense that something of value was lost. I want to MATTER to her even just a LITTLE bit. I want her to think of me like I still think of her.

its gotten better though thank god, after fookin 9.6 months, but seeing her name on facebook is still enough to trigger me.

i wrote a hugeass reply on despairforums, coming back from hiatus there:

http://www.depressionforums.org/forums/topic/112371-30-and-hopelessly-alone/?do=findComment&comment=1280052

QUOTE

Thanks for the update. I have been on hiatus from the forums unfortunately.  I can relate to that feeling, I have long felt alienated and an outsider and a misanthrope etc. Like in Dostoyevesky’s “Notes From Underground,” the famous narrator, “I am a sick man, I am a spiteful man…” etc, haha.  But I also feel like the world is more “sick” than I am, we live in a fallen world and people are no good, etc. Yeah it’s pretty rough!

When I was at my best, I still had pretty extreme and unpopular beliefs, but I also got along with everybody pretty well, was friendly to people and they were friendly to me, and I thought it was kind of funny that they had no idea that I had some pretty far-out political and moral beliefs.  Also, I think that our “far-out” beliefs do have a good kernel of basic common sense to them that nobody would really think is weird, for example: Men and women are different. Different cultures are different. Try to do no harm to others. Try to be an honest, decent person. Treat others as you want to be treated. Try to do the right thing. Don’t be a d1ck to people. Show respect for yourself and others. Don’t lie, cheat, or steal. Don’t use people like objects. Realize that it’s great to be rational and logical, but unfortunately people are irrational quite a lot of the time.  Just very basic, simple, obvious common-sense lessons any reasonable person would agree with. So I try to find common ground with people on things like that.

Unfortunately it can be hard to do that if you are not very social, or have a bad work situation, which unfortunately are not uncommon situations for us despairing introverts, haha. I think if I were working an average job with average people, things would be a lot better. I could enjoy holding my “extreme” beliefs, and also enjoy not feeling like a total outsider, stranger, alien, weirdo, etc. But having an average job with average people is, again, a very tall order. I have not been working for months and that has certainly affected own self-respect and confidence in my ability to do just about anything: talk to people, figure out problems, “act normal”.

I don’t have any advice and I would hate being given unsolicited advice! I am just sharing my experience. I have held pretty unpopular beliefs for a while, and have been at personal high points and low points regardless of those beliefs. At the low points I felt my beliefs were really extreme and alienated me from other people. At the high points I was able to have a better perspective on it all, and find some basic, but important common ground with people, in terms of those Basic Life Lessons I mentioned above. Then I might use our mutual agreement on those issues to start carefully discussing things that might not be so popular. This is what I mean by “hiding your power level.”

Also it can be discouraging to view your own beliefs as being “anti-everything”…..even if that’s kind of what they are. For example, like you I am very anti-SJW, anti-feminism, anti-PC, all that stuff. That’s all fine and I will always be anti those terrible things, haha, but I started use less “anti” language, and saying here’s the things I stand for. Or viewing yourself as a “Neoreactionary” or an “Anarcho-Capitalist” or “Radical Traditionalist” or “Nationalist” or “Alt-Right” or “Alt-Left” or “Hoppean Paleolibertarian” hahaha, or whatever might be a sensible “label” that doesn’t involve the word “anti.” I guess this presumes a comfortability in associating with a label, which once I was not, but now I am. More or less, haha.

For a while I was hardcore MGTOW but ultimately it was just too bleak for me, as I personally could not stomach the “avoid all women” aspect of the most extreme MGTOWs. I simply value women too much and struggled to find an “appropriate” view/perspective on women. Feminism sure wasn’t it, but the most extreme modern MGTOW wasn’t much more hopeful for me. I mean the stuff like artificial wombs and “2D Waifus” and such.

Basically I came to a more traditional view which hardcore Mgtows would definitely call “White Knighting”, but it’s a much better belief system for me to live with. Maybe I am closing my eyes to reality, taking the blue pill, or maybe I am creating my own reality, haha.

Some men have no problem not dealing with women at all whatsoever. So for them, extremist MGTOW makes sense and doesn’t give any inner conflict. For someone like me, though, who would like to get married and have children someday, I needed a belief system that was more in line with my personal desires and goals.

For me, a general transition from Libertarian MRA toward Rightist Nationalist Traditionalist was very useful. This is definitely not a one-size-fits-all approach though!

And since I don’t interact with people every day at a job any more, that increases my sense of isolation and “weirdness.” In other words, I feel like a “weirdo” within myself.

It would probably help to have super close friends that you can talk about these things with, and they can reassure you that you are not weird…..but I’m guessing most of us don’t have those kinds of close friends! It would probably be nice though. I have had close friends at points in my life where there was that sense of “intimacy,” and I remember it as being a very good, supportive thing.  And it kinda sucks to want that kind of connection with somebody but not have it, then sometimes you seem “desperate” in wanting it, and that is even more frustrating, etc etc etc.

Anyway, posting on these forums is a good substitute for that I think.

I have been absent from this forum and also from my “weird, extreme” political forum for a few weeks now as I have intensified my job search exponentially, and that’s been a positive change. Accomplishing more actual tasks, and less time on the forums. The forums are GREAT, but I think it can reach a plateau of usefulness after looking at it too much.

I just sat down and started blasting out resumes and cover letters and applications, making a game out of it, trying to beat my “high score” of how many I could accomplish in one day. Starting off small and working my way up. As I did that every day, I began to get more “Streamlined” in terms of managing my 600000000000 documents, resumes in 20 different places, the most efficient ways of searching indeed.com, most efficient ways to job search basically.

This actually resulted in some “progress” on the job front, which while it hasn’t led to a job yet, did boost my confidence a bit, and makes it seem more hopeful that I am capable of getting a job.

I have noticed that Call Center jobs seem to be relatively easy to get, and often have full-time openings and a wage higher than $10 an hour, haha. A staffing agency basically handed me a Technical Support Call Center job on a silver platter, quite decent money, but…..I would caution that the Call Center environment can be absolutely excruciating and hellish beyond one’s wildest nightmares. My last job was in such a setting and I simply cannot fathom going back to anything remotely like that. I think because the call center is such a universally-loathed environment is why there is such availability of jobs in them.

I would not recommend such a position to any of us on this forum unless at the absolute rock bottom of desperation.

I felt bad turning down a well-paying job that so many people would be very happy to have. But something “smelled fishy” about the company, and I’m just not desperate enough to take a job in a call center, thank God.

Some people actually have better-than-horrible experiences and could testify Not All Call Centers Are Like That. Good for them I say, but I just don’t want to take the chance at this time. The time may come where I am not so privileged, but until then, I will pursue other types of jobs.  Just saying if you get super desperate and want to try something challenging, you could find a “tech support help desk” job easier than other jobs. Some fortunate people are able to turn it into a decent career. It helps if you are very strong and confident emotionally. Unfortunately, I was not.

What I would do is build my Indeed Resume and use that to apply to as many postings on Indeed as I could. I have one Master Resume in a text file which I copy and paste to all my other resumes as needed. The master resume is super long, having everything and anything. I know you are only “supposed” to have a one page resume, but I always send them the Big Resume first. If I get an interview then I will bring them the Long Resume AND a condensed one-page resume. I only had one interview, and it was a very informal interview with a recruiter. I think that was better than a proper interview with a company, less pressure. Another recruiter offered me the high-paying tech support call center job WITHOUT an interview, just looking at my resume. That was part of what I mean that the whole situation was “fishy.” Turns out the company has a terrible reputation and is a revolving door of employees all saying it is the worst place in the world to work.

On the Indeed “Quick Apply” jobs you submit your Indeed resume, and there is a box for a cover letter (optional.) In this box I copy and paste a one-paragraph “statement of interest” where I fill in the company’s name Talent Acquisition Team and play around with business jargon and BS. Stuff about being a motivated self-starter ready to hit the ground running and add value to your team in the Machine Operator position. Include name, phone and email here as well.

Gradually I find ways to improve my resume. So I go back to the Master resume, then copy that back over to my Indeed resume.  Also I began experimenting with LinkedIn. So I copy the Master Resume to Indeed and to LinkedIn.

Of course a lot of jobs aren’t even posted on indeed. Stuff like City, municipal, county jobs, hospital jobs. I make documents and notes and lists of all these places so I don’t forget to check them.  I use sticky notes on the computer desktop, and use Notepad++ for all my Word Processing needs because I prefer working with txt files and then just copy and paste them wherever needed. Also it allows me to have 15 documents open at any given time: master resume, short resume, 1 paragraph cover letter, 3 paragraph cover letter, ongoing job search notes/journal including all the places I’ve applied to, unofficial transcripts, list of references with addresses phones emails, a couple letters of recommendation I’ve been fortunate enough to get, a list of companies and websites NOT on indeed, the biggest employers in the city, the biggest employers in the county, a place to copy my sticky notes when I get too many sticky notes. Basically I need a lot of documents open. One could do the same thing with Word or Notepad or Open Office or whatever you want, I just wanted something to quickly access a lot of different documents easily. I sync all these to my Google Drive so I can access them anywhere if needed.

Also double check if you are able to get any official college transcripts online. I only had unofficial transcripts but then I checked the college websites recently and discovered you could download an official transcript as a PDF, complete with official seal and signed security certificate, so that’s an easy but useful thing to have.

Then I save all emails regarding confirmation of applying to an Applied Jobs Folder. Save all rejection emails to a rejections folder, hahaha. That is definitely frustrating, but I guess it’s better to get a rejection email than absolutely nothing at all.

I have been applying with any staffing or temp agencies in the area I can find. They have made me take some online skills tests.

Sometimes it gets ridiculous. I was invited to take an “assessment test” for a pretty low-paying part time job. There were 30 people in a room on a Saturday morning to take a 100 question multiple choice test that took me almost 2 hours to complete. I have no doubt some people walked out because they thought the test was overkill for the actual job, but IMHO it was better than a call center. I am being invited back for a second round of tests for that one, haha. This is all before even having an interview.

So yeah, it’s funny that I have taken a number of assessment tests online, some in-person assessment tests, several urine drug tests, sent out dozens of resumes, cover letters and applications, and had one actual job offer (call center)……but I haven’t had a single real interview. Except for an informal talk with a recruiter who said they might have a data entry job for me. I am hoping for a call back on that one. Not a call center!!

If I had any courage I would do it old-school style: get a list companies in an x-mile radius and just start CALLING them on the phone. Is the manager available, Are you hiring people right now, Are you accepting resumes, hi my name is bla bla and I am available immediately to hit the ground running and help your team be more profitable, I’d love to talk to you about how I may add value, bla bla. And then just spend all day making phone calls and calling people. Unfortunately, I am very phone-shy and have not tried this. If you have no problem with the phone though, it’s definitely worth a try.

I also went to the thrift store because I wanted to look for a “new” suit coat. I was able to find something pretty good for a low price. Wearing that to my “interview” with the recruiter definitely was a confidence booster, and really confidence is the most important thing to have. Which I don’t, so I have to fake it, so anything that makes it easier to fake it is appreciated.

If you can get a tailored suit from men’s wearhouse or something with perfectly matching coat and pants, that would probably be ideal, but there are workarounds for that, haha. Also I have heard that a plain white dress shirt does better in interviews than a dress shirt with stripes. I think this is probably BS though, haha.

Reading articles on LinkedIn Pulse and TheMuse.com and that kind of stuff can be really good for developing your ability to speak the BS Language of Business and give you powerful words and phrases to use in your resume and cover letters and interviews. After a while it gets so frustrating you have to stop reading though. I don’t recommend taking that stuff too seriously, but I also don’t recommend getting angry about it like I often do! “What kind of people talk and think like this! This is SO STUPID!!!!!!!!!!!!!” hahahaha.

Finally, I have a “what to say during the interview” file where I write everything I could possibly say in an interview that makes me sound like a winning Team Member. This includes lots of copy pasted stuff from articles on Linkedin and Themuse.

For my quasi-interview with the recruiter, I condensed this 100 page document down to 2 pages so that I could bring it with me to the interview and remember to say it.

Basically my goal is to get a new job and put a terrible, confidence-destroying year behind me, where I kind of had a breakdown, lost the job, got heart broken, felt like a real screw-up and loser.

Of course a job is no cure-all, just like a woman is no cure-all. But I think a decent job, as well as a decent relationship, can go a long way in building one’s self-confidence, and when you are totally devoid of one or both, it can really destroy you confidence. Believe me I know how impossible it is to get either one, I’ve never really had either one!

Anyway it sounded like your previous job was not a healthy environment, just like my previous job was not a healthy environment. In the short to medium term, it’s bad to be out of a job, but in the long term, if we can possibly find a better job, then it will all be worth it.

Of course, I worry “what if I DONT find a better job, and can only hope to find a WORSE job?”

Those are the kind of thoughts I really have to fight.

Anyway I think if you (or I, haha) can find a halfway tolerable new job, in your case not with a stupid d1ckhead manager and in my case not in a horrible stressful call center, that will greatly increase your confidence and you won’t feel like such a “weirdo” for your beliefs, and will find it easier to find basic common ground with people.

Keep us posted!

END DF POST

then a guy responded with a beautiful friends first story and how “the perfect woman had been right there in front of him this whole time. we have been married for 17 wonderful years.”

so I responded with:

DF POST

that is a great story of how you met your wife. I am a huge fan of these “friends first” stories because I think it is a very good way to begin a strong, long-term relationship. An ideal way, for me, at least. Unfortunately, “friends first” also has its pitfalls, such as the “friendzone” or in some cases, bitter and sad heartbreak, haha.

I don’t take the “friendzone” as seriously as some, because to me it’s a non-issue. If I express feelings and they say sorry, let’s just be friends, then I would more than likely work to “peacefully detach” from the person, because IMHO, a real and healthy friendship simply cannot exist when there is such an imbalance of feelings. If I had a female friend who had one-sided feelings for me and I was putting her in the “friendzone”, I would say something like: Yeah, the friendzone is BS, because I know you don’t want to be just friends with me. I appreciate this is a real tough situation for you, and it’s probably best if we spend some time apart.

In other words, I just don’t understand these friendzone situations where one person is pining for months and years…..and the other person is ok with that. I would not want to be on either side of that.

And I have to share my horror story as well! Here, the Friendzone would have been very preferable! I was very close and got along very well with my female friend, just as you did. It took a long time, but I eventually developed feelings for her, and really hoped it would work out, because we knew each other so well, and for a long time, and had a good connection, and knew and trusted and supported each other. Unfortunately, she was horrified or disgusted or just completely overwhelmed that I had feelings for her, and she walked away without a word as I desperately begged her to please talk to me. It was the complete opposite of “let them down gently”, hahaha. It more than broke my heart, it turned my world upside down, and has taken a very long time to even make SOME progress in getting over it all. The fact that we were good friends made the ultimate heartbreak even worse, as did the harsh suddenness of the way it all came crashing down.

I guess this is the risk we all take in making ourselves vulnerable and offering our heart to others, haha. Sometimes you are the bug and sometimes you are the windshield, haha.

But I still love the idea that men and women can be friends and then gradually develop into something more. IMHO, it’s much more beautiful than the “hook-up culture” where people get physical very fast, and go through the motions of a relationship over the short-term, and go through a revolving door of shallow, short-term relationships, never really knowing the other person before getting bored and discarding them. (And in many cases, are rejected before even reaching the point of short-term “dating”!) It is a beautiful thing to build a long-term relationship from a basis of mutual respect and appreciation where you already have a real friendship with the person.

So thank you for sharing a story of success here, just to give some hope that it can happen! So far I have only experienced the very negative side of this, but would very much like to have an experience like yours.

END DF POST

hahahaha.

BE MORE EFFICIENT = CUT CORNERS; BE GENTLE WITH PEOPLES HEARTS AS A GENERAL RULE OF LIFE

april 26

had somewhat weird dream, did not include the woman, but included references to at least three other women. one was “woman4” aka “woman2005b”. the two other women in the dream were gurls that I was fond of in my middle school years. back in the 90s hahahaha. but i  never became friends with them or talked to them. one was a disgusting problem mudshark badboi luver even at age 14 hahahaha. mudshark slut at 14. not a good sign. turrible choice, total trash, but for some reason i was fixated on her. other one was a much better choice: a happy healthy nice sweet gurl also in my grade who I really should have made an effort with. kind sweet girl, nice, pretty, i dont know why i wasnt more obsessed with her at the time. would have been a good wife and mother of children. If i knew her just a years later, i prob would have fallen in totes luv with her.

this all might be my brains way of telling me SEE, you can get feelings for other women too, like you had for THAT woman, you also had feelings for at least 3 other women, so, you WILL get over this.

or maybe its suggesting that That Woman was a mix of many women, many traits: she was super nice and kind and friendly like that one nice gurl, AND she was a bit of “rebel” because of her MJ and rock and roll music, AND she was a Mudshark In Training, but not a huge mudshark or huge slut, and she was cold and uncaring too hahaha.

TLDR: I should have just got with the nice sweet brown haired girl in middle school and lived happily ever after. too bad i didnt know her in high school. you hear of high school sweethearts but never middle school sweethearts. i think you are just too young to make those decisions at that age. hahahha. kind of like how at age 18 you are too young to make long term decisions about college and career. you just want to fook and smook MJ and drink and fook like a degen1993r hahahaha. But its also a good time to be married to your high school luver and start having keeids. i mean you CAN work and support keeids. you just cant make great decisions about fookin grad skool and what your career will be in 10 years. you need a lot of firm guidance to keep you on the straight and narrow and not turn into a wayward degen1993r. a young wife and kids and steady job would probably do that for you.

well some industrious, initiative showing 18 year olds are able to get FT jobs, and by the time they are 21, they are management tier, and they never lose that. they go to another company and start as a manager.

poor me, i keep getting knocked down to level 1 and have never advanced beyond level 1! and i’m way older than 21!!!!!! and I might be old enough to be the father of an 18 year old hahahaha.

fook. she was always a poor me im a victim of circumstance, woe is me, i get shit on, im a victim, too. i dont know if she wanted pity and sympathy, maybe. I like getting pity and sympathy a LITTLE bit. also she had a legit tuff life and just a lot of bad stuff happened. just unfortunate.

but yeah i just get angery thinking about her moving up in her career, like a NORMIE, while i keep moving DOWN. who moves DOWN? LOSERS. who moves UP? NORMIES.

well i HAVE moved UP though. job2013 to job2015 was a big step up in terms of status and money. and also ungodly stress and being pushed to your LIMIT. theres a difference between getting out of your comfort zone, and being on the verge of a nervous breakdown all the time hahahaha.  the difference between Eustress and Distress. I cant believe some management asshole invented the word Eustress.  GET IN THE OVEN NOW.

i remember that slut mudshark white trash girl from middle school still looked bangable somewhat recently, I looked her up on facebook hahaha. maybe she would bang me if i contacted her because she thinks im successful and rich now because i was a huge smartie dork in middle school. hahahahaha jokes on her. whos the real asshole here hahahaha. i would just bang her in the ass 6000000 times before I revealed I was neither rich nor successful hahahaha. just blow her 30 year old ass OUT.  i dont recall seeing any babies or black boifrans in the pictures. i did see a Big Guy white trashy boifran in some pictures tho hahaha.  like a 36 year old guy who in 2016 his favorite band is pantera, who has to be bribed with tons of secs in order to dress up in a shirt and tie for a special occasion hahahaha because only faggots wear anything but pantera tshirts all the time hahahaha. and have tattoos of skulls and white zombie devil girls or some shit. and at age 36 thinks its awesome to be smooking tons of MJ and drinking tons of beer and whiskey. but he makes an ok living at his construction job and has moved up to foreman or supervisor or some shit. he will probably get hooked on Opioids for back pain. and become an even more surly and angry Opioid Addict hahahaha. and she is hopelessly in luv with that guy. will give 200% to him. give him all the chances in the work. make an effort to make it work with him.

i dont know why i liked her. because she was really hawt thats why. and I thought it was so sad that she was throwing herself away on such trashy guys. i wanted to totally be her white knight. why couldnt she be a NICE GURL. she must be breaking her fathers heart. did her father even CARE? she had a sister who wasnt such a bigass whore….or was she? anyway I kinda knew she was a Bad Choice, and I was vaguely aware of that Nice Gurl being a much better choice…..the timing was just bad. if i were to meet that nice girl just a few years later. maybe i should look HER up. i dont want to go on facebook though. i think i DID look her up but couldnt find her.

anyway who cares. i am going to this unpaid orientation meeting for the call center 17 dah job. why am i not even nervous about that? because its not the actual job. im going to the recruiters office. not the job site where the actual phones are answered and minds lost hahaha.

does andrew zimmern the joo still smook MJ or is he totally clean. i want him to do a show on his drug addict past.

once again went to fatclub yesterday and saw this woman who used to work with Me and That Woman. I never really talked to this other woman so now when I see her at the fatclub I ignore and avoid her hahahaha. I guess I could try to bang her but she seems kinda bitch and crazy. would be fun to bang but not fun to hang out with hahahaha.

so you dont hang out with them! just bang them and leave! the more you hang out with them not bnaging them, the less they want to bang you anyway.

but i dont like her slutty tattoos and I always make remarks about her getting fooked by n1993rs hahahaha. or just getting fooked by large numbers of random white guys too. the shadier the better. its not a great thing to get fooked by tons of white guys either. especially when you pick the most degenerate ones. why not pick a nice winner making 80k as an engineer? honestly LOTS of tall handsome white boys become engineers. make 80 grand a year and make the best husbands and fathers. yet you gotta pick the white deadbeat who drinks and drugs too much and cant hold down a job, but hes tall and sexy and mysterious badboi hahahahaha.

pick the badboi who has a chance of supporting you and your children! there are some good badboys out there who can be good providers! why cant women differentiate the good badboys from the bad badboys?  because the good badboys dont seem BAD enough? because its TRULY BAD to be a bad provider?

well I’m the worst provider there ever was! date me! let me fook you! please! hahahaha.

hopefully today I will learn more about the shitty call center job and have another chance to be like listen, recruiters, I had a really bad experience. can’t you PLEASE just find me a simpler data entry job? something with lots of excel, not a lot of customer contact, and not a god damn call center? i dont CARE that I have over a year of recent call center experience on my resume! i want to move AWAY from that!!!!!!!!

ok had the meeting. there were 2 higher up ish recruiters there, one Hawt Young entry level recruiter, and one….i dont know, advocate or liasion who was technically working or the agency, but worked right at the client site. turns out the client could not handle their own staffing needs to recruit a Sufficiently Professional Staff. everyone they hired, enticing them with an attractive wage, was not “professional” enough to satisfy the company or its callers, could not meet the service level agreements.  problems with attendance. problems with phones. problems with following the rules. one new employee smoking cig in the building, causing fire alarm for whole building and like 20 minute shutdown of the Call Center. He was Terminated.

uhhh 51 out of 60 of the people placed by the recruiter were still there.

the company merged with another company recently who began taking actions about quality.

this tells me that the company is not training the employees enough and holding them to unrealistic standards.

so fire the people who cant keep up, and hire an outside recruiter to try to find Better People….with even better pay. so we sign an NDA to not discuss our wage with anybody. because we will be making moar than some people there.

is this all code for blacks who talk really black on the phone?

or flustered people that sound like they dont know what theyre doing because how do you train people, and level 2 doesnt want to escalate cases?

but there would be some training in the huge expensive epic emr system. valuable training that normally costs thousands of dollars for this demonic, evil program hahahaha.

there was only one other candidate in there with me. a dorky young man but who seemed fairly normie and confident and not a fat autist neet. he had worked with pharmacies and emrs before.

well i do know if you miss a day in your first 90 days, you are terminated hahahaha.

the guy who got fired for smoking called the temp agency and said can you find me another job. they said nope sorry.

so i am worried that if i ragequit, then i am burning muh bridges with the temp agency to get me a nice data entry job with no phones.

holy shit, the glassdoor and indeed reviews are worse than i ever expected. it sounds even worse than my previous employer hahahah. terrible management, thrown to the wolves, a guy working 100 hour weeks and getting fired was the best day of his life, very cliquish, good performers never get promoted, impossible to become a good performer, give better service to “big dog” clients, lip service, warm bodies to answer the phone, impossible deadlines, death march, work through lunch, etc. no help, no one to back you up, just to tear you down, the talented lower level employees make this company run, but show them no thanks, and just work them to insanity, so many people are leaving, etc.

it sounds worse than i ever expected! and lots of it due to a takeover by another company in 2014. an indian company that seems to want to offshore everything and only pays lip service to providing good service to its customers. and if they treated their customers the way they treated their employees…..they wouldnt have a company any more. this is a sinking ship. walk dont run. this is what the reviews said from many disgruntled employees hahahah.

now i just heard that my former employer is shutting the department down completely. EVERYONE is out of a job forever there. holy SHIT. I figured this was gonna happen within 2 years, but now this soon!

meaning, That Woman is permanently out of a job.

heh. well she could probably get in at this other shitty place.

april 27

ok i already lost sleep worrying about this stupid call center job. i think i am gonna say NO and not go on monday. This would be better than walking off the training with no notice i think. it just sounds like the company has the worst management ever. cant they think about the long term? oh but you have to make it thorugh the short term to get to the long term. well they have been around for the long term already……and it seems like shit changed when this shekel clutching indian bought the company 2 years ago. there was a pronounced shift in culture and morale.

i am the best customer service person ever. I take the side of the customers and want to help them and make them a raving fan of me and how i am the best person in the company. however the company does not like this because I take too much time to help people. i take too much money to help people.

i mean in situations where people have valid questions, like my shit is broken and i need to fix it, not i be blakk gibs me dat. but i’m having a real problem, help me out please.

well i’d like to, but i have to get you off the phone in 7 minutes to reach the service level agreement your company has with my company.

well that sucks.

take it up with your manager…..not mine. because mine is not gonna talk to you. also he’s probably gonna throw me under the bus because he doesnt know the reality of taking calls and fixing problems.

the Target Metrics are Unreasonable. the Service Levels are Unreasonable. The Sales Department makes extravagant promises that THEY are never held accountable for because they dont provide the service.

so service hates sales because sales crushes them with unrealistic expectations. and sales hates service because they are lazy bums who can’t deliver on our promises hahahaha. when if sales walked for ONE DAY in the shoes of service, they’d SEE.

well we didnt have a sales dept at our old place. we were in house tech support. company. no contracts, no SLA’s. at this new place, its SLA’s, MSA’s, clients, being billed for service, billed by the minute maybe. billable billable billable. was emphasized in the shitty reviews.

I would almost rather work in a RESTAURANT. it seems more real and more human. real people doing things that you know can be done.  here, you dont even know what is possible or not.

work more efficiently. work faster.

how would you suggest I do that sir?

I don’t know. that’s your job. figure it out or youre fired.

do what youre doing now, just do it better and faster. streamline your processes.

this is always code for cut corners so you can be “more productive.”

your management WANTS you to cut corners when serving the customers.

this is fine when your customers are dumb sacks of shit, but I never view customers that way. I treat them the way I would want to be treated. In Good Faith.

this is why i hate managers. they really dont know shit. well, in that field they dont know shit. well, the higher level managers that have never answered a phone. fooking soft phaggots.

you need to be so exhausted at the end of the day you dont have time for health or family, but you are also so worried about the next horrible day, that you cant sleep.

trumpenfuhrer is giving a foreign policy speech and sounding more presidential. I have no doubt he is capable of sounding very “presidential” in tone. why do people even care about that. who cares about that other than anti trump people.

he will probably be a disappointment but so would anyone else. i am on the trump train all the way. no not all trump supporters are white nationalists hahaha. and not all white nationalists are trump supporters hahahaha. but i would say a Sizable Plurality of them are, hahahahahhahaha. yeah I mean you can vote for bob whitaker or whoever is doing american third position party. and whitaker has done some great work, and i think kmac is involved with that party, and kmac is top tier. but like only 100 people in the US even know who bob whitaker IS. trump is on tv 24 hours a day and literally even the dumbest normie women and blacks know who he is. he does well with some women and blacks! he loves the uneducated! he makes dogwhistle tweets mentioning white nationalists hahahaha.

i just dont want him to sell US out to chindia hahaha. but anyone else would have done that anyway, and with no strong talk about BUILD A WALL.

anyway I am a trump guy and I may come to not be so proud of that if he wins. but I want him to win! i dont want anyone else to win! im ashamed to say i dont have a trump hat yet!

but yeah I think more people who hated trump will come over to him as he becomes more and more the Strong Horse.

wow the temp agency gave me access to a Skillsoft Skillport Learning Management System (LMS) which has tons of videos and modules. This is actually very good. There is a lot of courses and modules on there that you can’t get for free on the internet. Plus I think Skillsoft has been developing content for years. probably not a good company to work for though hahahah. just because they have been around for 15 years doesnt mean theyre GOOD.

we had something like this in my old job but nothing that was really helpful for my department. so it was more useful to spend my free time studying actual cases rather than use the LMS.  the LMS would be a lot more useful to the normie employees doing the regular business of the company. not to us who were fixing the companys hardware and software and Tech Infrastructure.  for that there was very shitty documentation.

read the manual stupid!

but there is no manual!

or the manual is absolutely fookin retarded! YOU read the manual and tell me what it says! yeah! its bullshit! you need a manual for the manual, AND I strongly suspect that lots of important stuff has been LEFT OUT!

I dont care if I am missing out on valuable training in epic emr software. i hear the shit sucks anyway. and is probably collaborating with FEDGOV in unwholesome ways much like I suspect my previous employer was.

although the idea of electronic medical records makes perfect sense to me. although it also makes sense to me that EMR is just as much a CLUSTERFOOK than paper medical records. hence the transitioning which takes years, the bloated and mysterious software, the bugs, the service people dont know if its a bug or a feature and the programmers are too busy to look at it, you have the service people look at it.

SET UP TO FAIL hahahaha. thats exactly what they do and thats why theres high turnover and you can ALWAYS get a job at these places.

i was watching married at first sight the first year, which comes back to the people who chose to stay together. and now they are having problems. and the 28 year woman who threw her ring down the drain because she didnt feel her husband cared about her, she said, IT TAKES TWO TO MAKE IT, AND TWO TO BREAK IT.

WRONG, BITCH! I fumed at the TV. it takes TWO to MAKE it, but it only takes ONE to break it. YOU broke it. YOU are not givng him a chance. not listening to HIM. YOU are being the bad guy to him. YOU are not willing to work on this. HE is. and of course now you’re blaming HIM and saying it takes TWO to break it. fook you bitch. you dont deserve him hahahaha.

so women, the masters of relationships, really have no idea how relationships REALLY work. they are like the managers of the call centers who have no idea of how to actually do calls and solve problems. they just fire you when you cant live up to their unrealistic standards. oh god. such a great analogy good job me.

they dont know how shit works, they just want you to WORK HARDER and WORK BETTER when THEY are the source of the problem, then they dump YOU because you can’t walk on water, and you’re the bad guy because you weren’t willing to walk on water.

how do you write such good women, well i think of a man, then take away all reason and accountability, hahahahahahaha.

if that 28 year old woman had been married with 3 or more children, she wouldnt be such an idiot asshole.

Heh I am turning down GREAT money just because of some shit some disgruntled employees said on the internet. glassdoor.com. yeah well when there is such a pattern of reviews. also the company could put plants in to write more positive reviews. BUT THEY DIDNT! there were barely any positive reviews, and the ones that were sounded like they were written by black children. THESE ARE THE BEST PLANTS YOU CAN BUY???? While the bad reviews sounded like they were written by intelligent, hard working people, who were rightfully bitter from being shit on. You can get a sense of how intelligent a person is by HOW THEY WRITE. The negative reviews were more numerous, more detailed, and more intelligent than the few positive reviews. There is a real pattern there.

the short term mindset!!!!!! they dont vet the people they are hiring! that’s why they are outsourcing the hiring to someone ELSE!!!!! they dont vet the plants who are supposed to be improving their image on glassdoor! they just hire a TOTAL MORON to write OBVIOUSLY FAKE reviews!

It reminds me of my old company sort of: we had an internal message board where the end users of the new program could ask questions, ask for help. great idea, potentially great resource. I read that shit every DAY to try to learn more about the program, the users, the problems, and the fixes, and watch what the higher ups would say to the end users basically.

Except for the first month or so of the message board, which was not well promoted and only Super Employees like me even KNEW about it, the questions were answered by Obviously Morons who had just been hired with no training. Who would post back “Good quezchun bla bla. let me look into that 4 u and I reply later. sinsurrly, shaneek’wa jankins”

then they would reply many hours later with absolutely useless information that didnt really answer shit. Its like a teacher needing help and then asking a first day student for help. its ass bakcwards.

then the person needing help, who was writing more intelligently than the person hired to “help” them, would say, you know, I don’t think you’re getting this, what I’m saying is bla bla bla

then the idiot level 1 would post “Thank you, let me look into that” and then come back with “You must call the service desk and create a service ticket number.”

so then you call us and either get someone as dumb as shaneequa, or someone as smart as me. or someone who is smart but they are flustered and overwhelmed and they seem dumb. like me in my first 6 months hahahaha. like 80% of the people there because the majority of people leave within a year.

eventually the level 2 people started responding in the forums. they seemed smarter but were also ruder and said yep well you gotta call the service desk and create a ticket before we can do anything.

When the Best Practice Best In Breed Center Of Excellence Service would be, I’m sorry the program has been so buggy, whens a good time to call you so you and I can talk directly and I can remote in and take a look at this? I will private message you with my direct phone number.

but no, everything is a SINGLE POINT OF CONTACT (beware that) which means theres ONE phone number, probably with a very complicated IVR (menu of items, impossible to speak to a human), the first person you speak to will be an undertrained “moron”, who will have a VERY hard time transferring you to someone who DOES know anything about anything, because there’s too few of those people.  and higher ups can HIDE behind a WALL of poorly trained idiots! and you cant return calls from higher ups! oops missed you for the day, now I can’t fix your case! I’ll try calling you again within 72 hours!

Or getting a call and realizing YOU are technically the subject matter expert on this topic because no one else is in the office at that time. well, expert is a little strong a word for what i actually know about this thing, hahahahaha.

the so called experts know nothing! it’s very difficult to speak to somebody who KNOWS anything!

but its just as much….no its even MORE frustrating for the level 1 person answering the phones, than you FOR to call them and talk to an idiot. becuase how would you like to BE that idiot, doing calls like that ALL DAY????

thats not a JOB! that’s a PUNISHMENT!!!!

they should make criminals, murderers and child molesters, do this job from PRISON!!!!!!!!!!! instead they get sweet chill jobs like making license plates hahahaha.  kinda makes you want to go to prison hahahaha. no i kid. but im not kidding when saying they should make the worst prisoners do this type of job. not decent people like you and me and even that woman.

lyin ted is gonna pick carly fiorina as his vp. this might actually gain him some votes. but prob not enough to stump the trump. i hope not!

weighed it at lowest weight yet….148.0 pounds. I suspect I just got lucky on a low water day and it will be a WHILE before it gets any lower, and will in fact bounce back up, possib back above 150. my goal right now is 140. that is how short i am, i have to be 140 pounds to not be a fat slob hahahha.

no 160 pounds is the beginning of overweight and I was like 168? at the beginning of january. 20 pounds in 4 full months? thats not TERRIBLE.

thing is, losing weight doesnt really help short guys all that much. it wouldnt make HER any more attracted to me. women who like short guys will probably settle for chubby guys too hahaha. wow that is really self deprecating hahaha. its statements like that that are the reason i have no self confidence hahaha.

really its just a way for me to exercise some actual control over my life hahahaha. that i can reach SOME kind of goal.

tarzan was not some damn brown polynesian fooking white jane, he was a WHITE man fooking white jane, fooking geico. god damn i WISH i could boycott geico hahahaha. or that feel where the supermarket you go to get EVERYTHING has horrible race mixing commercials and you CANT boycott them hahahahaha.

you cant boycott antiwhite companies because ALL companies are openly antiwhite hahahaha.

boy i hope i dont get PARANOID about this hahahah.

shit i learned from a previous post that i looked at prono on nov 9. so now its only been 170 days since i looked at porno. damn. not long enough.

i certainly have not regretted it. although sometimes even recently i get a small craving. like i FORGOT what it LOOKS LIKE. well GOOD. i SHOULD forget what it looks like!!!!!!!!!!! Its jooish degenerate mind and soul POISON!!!!! so of course women like it now and say its no big deal and like to watch porno while they dildo themselves hahahaha.

so maybe as PEOPLE become more Pornified, Porn is NO LONGER an exaggeration of the sex act!!!! and it becomes a more accurate portrayal of What Secs Really Is!!!!!! good lord thats horrifying and sad. cuz you can’t say “porn sucks because its an unrealistic portrayal of secs.” well no its not, so you’re wrong, porn is not necessarily bad unless it Performs in the Vocabulary of Internalized Systems of Kyriarchal Oppression.

really what it comes down to is a deep, almost religious respect and reverence for human life AND THE PROCESS WHICH CREATES HUMAN LIFE.

was i ridiculous and overbearing and overwhleming to her? OF COURSE I was. But I dont think thats a good REASON or justification for her to walk out on me and block me entirely. you just dont do that to people. I am angry that she would come up with a list of reasons why it was OK for her to do this. because he did this. because he was being that weird. he was weird and bad enough to justify this.

well NO I WASNT.

yes, i was bad and weird, BUT NOT ENOUGH TO JUSTIFY THAT.

it has taken me a long time to convince myself of that. just like she is convincing herself that yes, i WAS bad and weird enough to justify No Communication.

maybe if i told her i was a virgin who had never been dumped before hahahahah she would have tried to be more gentle with me.

i mean why WOULDNT you be gentle with someone you care about, who cares about you, who has opened their heart for you and made themselves vulnerable for you? because. you just dont want them to luv you. yeah well, try to be gentle with peoples HEARTS as a general RULE. a general rule of LIFE.  I know I would try to be gentle with peoples HEARTS, if anyone ever showed me their heart hahaha.

yeah well they have showed me there hearts sometimes and i HAVE been sensitive to that. like when she was telling me her worries about her boifran in like 2013. i genuinely cared and it was very uncomplicated because I didnt have feelings for her yet and we were still Just Friends and I was perfectly fine with that, and wanted her to work things our wiht her BF, and she gave it an honest effort, maybe, and he said nope I’m done. which is fine, that happens, but he also told her im done rather than just avoid the fook out of her. they had several arguments!

ok drug test for post office tomorrow. closest place is 8 miles away hahahaha. thankfully was able to sched it for morning. and in time before their deadline. so get up tomorrow, leave at least half the bladder full in the morning hahahaha. cuz i drink so much coffee and water throughout the day that theres no way I could not be diluted. i dont know how I did this when I used to do this early in the morning before Work hahahahaha. like try making a BM, but also keeping your Urine In. not easy hahahaha.

she just wasnt very PERCEPTIVE. or if she was, she just didnt SHOW it. i think she was more perceptive than she PRETENDED NOT to be hahahahaha. that dirty LIAR. was she lying or not lying?

no she was just overwhelmed and cowardly and running away like a scared animal. like the slightest move or sound makes a deer go jumping away.

yet she can handle a tough job and also fook men without emotion or feeling. hehehe well i dont know that second part. and now she is out of a job just the same as me. she has a good excuse though, and made a lot more money, and probably has good leads though her new friends there. get meeeeeee a job toooooo! ok done.

heh. without her i never would have gotten that stupid job. and now that even though she has left me, i can’t escape The Taint hahaha. now all these call center jobs want me because I have experience…..but I dont want to go back to any call center.

its like getting aids from your lover then you lover dumps you but the aids stays with you and kills you hahaha.

i wish we had just gotten together and never left our old job and lived happily ever after. instead I managed to waste the last 2 and a half years of my life hahaha. one step forward, two or three steps back.

lost a very important person in a very sad way, lost muh livelihood, and now the only jobs that want me are shitty jobs just like that one hahaha. maybe i should go back to skool hhaahahha. bbbbbut i already have 200 credits of college isnt that enough? NO.

OK. I have my txt resume, which is my master resume, which then gets copied essentially to both linkedin and indeed. and any external site that wants you to build a resume. copy and paste.  so really any change I have to make, needs to be made in 2 OTHER places: linkedin and indeed.

Or I could just update those once a month or once a week. re copy and paste everything from the Master Resume.

When I have an actual interview, I whittle the Master Resume down to a One Page Resume. but make sure they have a copy of the Master resume too.

Anyway today I went through and replaced semicolons with periods; because it looks autistic to have too many semicolons; and periods look better; dont they;

yes. of course they do. good idea there. nice value-add.

2016-04-27_16h52_24

this fookin sloth hahahahaha it took him ALL DAY to write that on their bullshit team building instant messenger chat software while his entire team was running themselves ragged trying to walk on water and design, build, market, sell a flying umbrella, on the whim of their asshole lion manager, within 20 hours. the sloth moves SO SLOW, all he can do is type that one sentence in 20 hours. This is great and I have mentioned it before but here’s the picture.

it is kinda SAD to see the majestic animals acting like Professional Humans With Careers. Animals shouldn’t be doing this. HUMANS shouldn’t be doing this. hopefully other people are disturbed by that too.

also look how the manager lion does jack shit while everyone else is running around like fookin spazzes. yepppp. read between the lines mother fooker. the writing is on the wall!!!

I want to see that companys Call Center Of Excellence. That is filled with fookin morlocks or some shit. or fookin…that ugly ass fish blob that looks like a sad piece of slime.

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Center_of_excellence

well, i guess a COE can be something other than a call center. but call centers can certainly use the term. it usually means they have met the ridiculous metrics by being especially clever at cutting corners but they have enough good people left to produce some raving fans who appreciate their work….but I guarantee these Great People are being Ground down and pushed out the door and are are being unappreciated by their managers and company. but they are appreciated by their callers/customers and trust me that is important. it was important to me! my callers LOVED the GREAT service I gave them, even though it wasnt FAST enough for the company, which hurt my departments METRICS and kept us from being a COE.

https://agileelements.wordpress.com/2008/10/29/what-is-a-center-of-excellence/

i still dont know what the shit means. why wouldnt EVERY place want to be a center of excellence.

its like a way of saying, we have best practices and trained people.

well why WOULDNT you have those things?

because they cost money.

its amazing how many places where its your job to be the FIRST to DEVELOP best practices because literally NO ONE knows what they are doing.

but how can you determine BEST practices when you dont know GOOD from BAD?

well I guess you can easily tell if something is good or bad. and then just keep struggling in the direction of the good right.

and a bunch of indian agile scrum lean black belt six sigma project managers in the comments say what a great bullshit article, ive been tasked with creating a center of excellence to utilize resources, but i dont know how, and your article has helped me how to create a center of bullshit.

heh i wished they taught ANY of this in school. in 200 credits of college hahaha. maybe they had a paragraph in management 101 which i took. i actually never took business 101 because i figured it would be too fluffy. i took “actual” classes like accounting and economics. marketing and management were as fluffy as I got.

explain to me in plain english what a center of excellence is, fooking phaggots.

and then when you look it up on the internet…..you just get MORE confused.

but yeah I thought business was supposed to be efficient and competent.

but they are incompetent and only give the ILLUSION of efficiency.

by training people and have actual best practices they could provide better service, have happier customers, and be proactive not reactive, and make more money in the long run.  and it shocked me how companies are very resistant to this common sense, decent, good faith, white way of doing business. real fookin dudley dooright bullshit i guess. well thats me then. dudley dooright the good natured pollyanna.

google what is a center of excellence
A center of excellence (CoE) is a team, a shared facility or an entity that provides leadership, best practices, research, support and/or training for a focus area.
Center of excellence – Wikipedia, the free encyclopedia
https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Center_of_excellence

really its just mroe business bullshit. i should try not to get so MAD about BULLSHIT. but for some reason this business bullshit makes me MAD. because it results in customers getting the RUNAROUND and forcing honest people to GIVE other honest peopel the runaround. thats why i hate the bullshit.

 

IT’S HUMILIATING / IT WASN’T WORTH IT

Mar 30

Addition to despair forums profile recently:

 

About Me
Yes, I have been a member since 2006! But I am much more a lurker than a poster and can go years without posting.

MARCH 2016: Still trying to get over my devastating events of 2015, loss of “loved one” and loss of job, something of an emotional breakdown, absolute destruction of all confidence. The loved one was a woman I liked who rejected me in a pretty bad way. She was more than a random woman, but an actual friend I had been friends with for over 2 years. As our friendship grew in depth and closeness and “intimacy”, I developed more-than-friends feelings for her. Because those were based on what I felt was deep mutual trust and knowing each other, the feelings were pretty deep and I thought she was “The One.” Obviously, this type of thing complicates a friendship, and I wanted to talk and communicate with her about it. At this time, she began avoiding me and always having excuses for not hanging out. We used to hang out regularly, now it was always excuses. I didn’t want to be pushy….but I ended up being pushy anyway. I should have just been ASSERTIVE and said “THIS ENDS NOW” and said WE NEED TO TALK, but I am more passive aggressive, less assertive. Not a good way to be with the ladies, hahaha. This pattern continued for 10 months and I was upset she couldn’t even put aside 2 hours to hang out with me outside of work and talk. We used to hang out! Also her excuses were somewhat legit and not really dishonest. She wasn’t dishonest, she was just a classic conflict AVOIDER. I’m the same way, partially, but this I couldn’t avoid. She, however, had no incentive to deal with it, whereas I did. She just wanted to ignore it and hope it would go away. I wanted to put in my bet and get a solid yes or no. It was looking like a no, but she would rather avoid saying it. OK, I can understand. I was also sending verbal signals and pretty clear signs like “we have been friends for a long time and I appreciate you more and more the longer we’ve known each other, and I would like to continue to get closer to you and spend more time with you this year. you are very important to me and I am very thankful for you” etc etc. I think she successfully interpreted what that meant and then was scared by my feelings because she clearly didn’t feel the same way.

Anyway, over 10 months it built to a boiling point and she stopped talking to me altogether. Wouldn’t respond to my texts anymore, pretended I didn’t’ exist. This was not the way I wanted our almost 3-year relationship to end. I freaked out and quit the job we both worked at. We were friends BEFORE we both got this job in late 2013, we weren’t “just work friends” but that’s what it seemed she wanted us to become. I wrote her 3 long emails explaining my side of the story, my feelings, spelled it all out for her, begged her to respond, but she didn’t respond at all.

I felt like I was thrown away like a piece of garbage. For a long time, I blamed myself for “making her do this” and pushing her away from me. Like I betrayed her by getting feelings for a friend. She wouldn’t talk or respond to me AT ALL. And I didn’t want to be a “weirdo” and bombard her with messages. I felt I kept the messages to a non-weirdo level, but I did send 3 long emails over the course of 1 month.

I just wanted her to acknowledge my feelings, to care about my feelings, and to show concern about an important relationship in both our lives for almost 3 years. I wanted her to tell me this friendship mattered to her and that it hurt her too, that the friendship had to be over. I know at one time I was an important friend to her. I just don’t like being thrown away, I didn’t feel like I was treated like a human being, it was a huge devastated heartbreaking disappointment.

Total lack of closure altogether. I have NO IDEA what she was thinking or feeling. I have TONS of unanswered questions that will never BE answered because she won’t talk to me. I felt abandoned, given up on, thrown away, like she bailed and gave up on me. When you want to get out of a relationship, at least TELL the other person. Write me an email at least. I wrote you long emails and explained as fully as I could what I was feeling. Try to do the same for me. Just show me a LITTLE mercy and kindness and appreciate that this hurts me. Care about me and my broken heart hahahaha.

Our job was super stressful, basically involved trying to fix and explain things you don’t really understand, to anxious callers with strange technical problems. You never felt confident or competent. Always put on the spot and overwhelmed. The sense of being an impostor that didn’t really know how to do your own job. Fix and explain something you’ve never seen before. Show no weakness, you’re supposed to be the expert. Be familiar with 100000000000 different technical things and be prepared to explain them on the spot. Be an expert tutor for classes you’ve never taken before. Be an expert in things you’ve never learned. It was the best money I’ve ever made in my life but I hated it. I was also upset my performance was affected by her, her being there. I was upset she could manage her emotions better and deal with the job better, and ultimately I was too WEAK to hold down the job, while she continues to succeed there, make more money, her life is not affected at all, but mine is turned upside down.

I just wanted her to COMMUNICATE with me like a mature adult and help end an important relationship in a kind, caring way. Show me the kindness that she USED to show me when we were friends. NOT just avoid, block, ignore, abandon, give up, bail out, and “ghost” me. This is a mind-boggling and just an insane way to be dumped. I will never do this to someone.

My conclusion is that she is just that conflict-avoidant. She doesn’t hate me, she doesn’t feel betrayed by me, she probably does value me as a once-important friend….but this was pure fight or flight, and she chose flight. There was no incentive for her to do the mature thing here. Just push it under the rug. Ignore it and hope it goes away. Let the drowning person drown. Get rid of the problem. If you could perform an abortion on a relationship, that’s what it seemed symbolic of.

But it was important to me to know that she didn’t HATE me, that she didn’t feel BETRAYED by me, and that she valued me and valued our friendship. I will never get answers here, though I was tempted to contact her. But a month after it all went down, I stopped sending emails and went No Contact altogether. That was a struggle, but I kept to it. I wanted her to contact me, but she never did. Indeed, now I’m tempted to contact mutual people to try to learn if she told them anything about what happened because I don’t want other people getting only her side of the story…..whatever that may be.

It was just a horrible, horrible ending to one of the most important relationships I’d had in many years. I had never gotten feelings for a female friend before. I also hadn’t had a female friend in years. And I hadn’t been friends with a woman for this long term. Usually by almost 3 years, we drift away mutually. Not here hahaha.

I wish I had been more assertive and proactive, but I REALLY wish she had shown a little COURAGE in dealing with this. Now I worry that all women are simply not mature enough to handle situations like this. Which I know is false. I’ve been dumped in better ways than this before!

All I needed was a standard, “Awwwwwww! I’m sorry, but I just don’t feel that way! You’re a good person, though!”

But she RAN AWAY from me and I had no idea what she was really thinking or feeling, and I never will.

The job was so stupid and stressful and I wanted to get out of there anyway. It was damaging to the emotional health hahaha. And so was she. I could handle both separately, but not both TOGETHER. I was angry that the JOB came between us. If we didn’t work together every day, I would have handled BOTH situations much better. but there was a definite synergy here in the worst possible way, haha.

Now I have been jobless for about 8 months, haven’t contacted her in 7 months, kind of plateauing on her, starting to get over it, but still pretty butthurt, and feel I will never meet another woman I have feelings for. I feel she is The Last One. I feel I will always be comparing other women to her, how we used to get along so well, and how I liked her so much, was willing to commit to her wholeheartedly. I figure it will take at least another year for me to become emotionally available. I don’t want other women, I want her. I would still “take her back” if she came to me and apologized.

Who QUITS THEIR JOB over something like this? But it’s possible something else would have pushed me to quit the job too. But I am angry because, after a year on the job, I was finally starting to get the hang of it and show real competence and confidence. How do normal people deal with the reality of “sink or swim” practice of job “training”? The confusion and uncertainty were maddening.

So now I feel super underconfident in doing other jobs: this is NORMAL for jobs to not train you! how do you DEAL with pressure and uncertainty and making quick decisions when you don’t really know what you are doing, and manage to survive long enough, for months, until you finally DO start to know what you are doing?

Also, employers will rightfully view me as UNSTABLE. When your Emotional Instability starts to really affect your Working Life, hahaha. It’s AMAZING how DIFFICULT it is just to be a normal working-class adult and hold down a job like a responsible, healthy, normal, average adult. I’ve never really been able to do it. Same with relationships with women. I am definitely the marrying type and the fathering type, I would really like to be married and have children, but I am NOT EVEN CLOSE. Also, I don’t want to have children with somebody unless I Really Love and am Committed to them. Kinda like how I was with my woman friend. There was no on the fence. No one foot out the door (well, not for me.) No, well let’s give this a try and see what happens. I was ALL IN. My mind was set on a lifelong commitment.

And it’s stupid I think more about HER than I do about getting a new job. But I have been getting better with the job search. But the next job I get, I HAVE to stay at for at least a YEAR, even if it’s even WORSE. Don’t want to look like a job hopper. And I am terrified of being put into situations where I have to face customers and clients and I don’t know what I am doing, because The New Normal is for companies to not train their employees because it costs too much money. And then people b!!ch at you when you make mistakes OR ask for help. The F’n New Guy. What a M0R0N.

BTW the profile picture refers to “Pepe the frog” and “tendies.” Google pepe and tendies memes to understand haha. Pepe is a meme frog which can be used in many situations. Tendies is a NEET meme (google neet hahaha) referring to neet L0sers who are too lazy and spoiled to get a job and they just live at home their whole lives and never grow up, never develop into adults, and if they earn enough “good boy points” by emptying their Pee Bottles and leaving the house, then their Mommy makes their 30-year-old virgin L0ser son some Chicken Tendies. YUMMMMM! Neets often have Depression and Anxiety and read /r9k/ on 4chan and 8chan and share pathetic tales of despair, being a 30 year old unemployable virgin. It’s a pathetic life. Some neets legit enjoy not being “wagecucks” and they enjoy watching anime all day. I just want to be a productive adult and have a 3D waifu hahaha. I don’t like anime. But it’s so difficult to convince companies to hire me and so hard to convince women that I am Cool Enough to Hang Out With. I’m tired of always having to Prove myself, and then having my argument not be persuasive enough, so I don’t get the job or the woman. I do not deal with rejection well hahaha. Also, I am just tired of being rejected over and over. I think you need a little success once in a while to keep you going. But it is demoralizing to go many years without gainful employment, and to go many many years without an Intimate Relationship. I hope it doesn’t leave permanent damage, but it certainly does decrease your confidence and make you less attractive to both employers and women.

I am actually a good/great employee, and a good/great friend, and would be a great partner to the right woman, but I feel like people don’t give me a fair CHANCE. Well, nobody said life is FAIR hahahaha. You have to assertively demand that people give you a chance. And 99% of the time they will still reject you, hahahaha. And not in a nice way either, hahaha.

Basically, I want to stop feeling like a Loser and stop BEING a Loser and just be more of a winner. It sux being a Loser At Life. A Failure. The two biggest things that would fix that are gainful employment at a job that doesn’t drive you crazy; and a healthy relationship with someone who will love you in good times and bad. Yeah, these are kinda big things and take a LOT of work. And I don’t feel capable of doing such sustained, intense, focused work. Everything just seems TOO HARD hahaha. The stuff normal people do as part of being normal: working, having a wife. They make it LOOK EASY but its really haaaaaarrrdddd as heck.

Anyway I think companies SHOULD train their employees and SHOULD create an environment where people can get HELP in doing their jobs. That they are “set up for success” and not failure. No more sink or swim. I understand cutting costs in the short term, but I care much more about the long term. I would ALWAYS try to help new people once I actually knew something about the job. ALWAYS. And I would support them and encourage them. Because I know how hard it is to be a new guy and spend day after day, month after month, feeling like an 1d10t. Yes, that eats away at your confidence, rather than builds it up. like a train wreck in slow motion hahaha. We’re all here to do our jobs the best we can. Just tell me what to do and I’ll do it. Tell me what to say and I’ll say it. Give me the tools and processes to Solve Problems and I will solve problems. Don’t make me figure everything out by myself. What kind of message does it send to our clients to have people out there that are terrified and clearly don’t know what they’re doing? Also, some people do better than others when under pressure. I break under pressure and can’t do even simple things. Other people do their best work under pressure. not me. I can’t even remember my own NAME when under pressure. Are there any jobs for people who don’t handle pressure well????!?!?!

The most useful thing to me was Studying After Work. Studying like I had a big College Maths Exam the next day. Because that’s what it felt like. Taking a test all day, every day, only you had to orally explain your answers as you worked them while an anxious person hovered over you and interrogated you. But you hadn’t really studied the book or done the homework or gone to lectures and you had the worst, most useless instructor ever. I couldn’t believe a job could BE like that. It blew my mind and shattered my soul hahaha. But I managed to persevere for a full year, and slowly improve, until the problem with The Darn WOMAN pushed me to my breaking point. It’s all SO frustrating and disappointing.

I don’t like having to “BS” people just to get them off the phone. I like to ACTUALLY fix problems and to ACTUALLY know what’s going on. I like being able to get help from another person. I REALLY like being able to transfer a client to a more knowledgeable colleague when I can’t figure something out, and being able to listen in and see how THEY handle the problem. I don’t like being told to “figure it out” and left on my own to flail like a drowning man. You constantly wanted a hero to swoop in and save you, but you had to be your own hero and cobble together the most kludgey workarounds. “Throwing spaghetti at the wall and seeing what sticks” was my metaphor. It looked UNPROFESSIONAL as heck. It looked like we didn’t know what we were doing and were making it up as we went along……because that’s exactly what it was. I do not deal well with that kind of work. I need certainty and real explanations and real knowledge and real HELP.

That job, combined with THAT PERSON, was a recipe for disaster, and boy did it happen.

I have a huge ridiculous blog that is focused on helping losers become winners. Lately though it is me moaning about being a loser. To show the world what Real Love and Real Heartbreak looks like. To share the internal world of someone who knows he’s a loser and just can’t pull himself out of it. BUT trying to be more optimistic than /r9k/ for example. You should read /r9k/ for a while to get an idea of what it is……then stay away from it forever. My perspective is like /r9k/ but for people that really really want to Get Better. Anyway, message me if you want the link for my blog.

That is not my real birthday but I am in my Early Thirties. An Older Millennial. I definitely feel older and different than the younger/average millennial. I still have some similarity with generation x. the nihilism and cynicism hahaha. but I never became a successful adult like they did. also, most younger millennials are more successful adults than I am. good jobs, good relationships. I just can’t relate to these normies hahahaha but darn I wish I did!!!!!

I try to deal with stuff by writing although not sure if that really helps. Also, like to exercise, that might help a little more. Trying to lose weight. maybe that will make me more attractive to women hahaha. so desperate for female attention and approval!!!!! always have been.

But I am not really a bad or annoying or creepy guy. I have had great friends who really appreciated me. I just am shy and introverted and people need to give me a chance hahaha. But the people who did give me a chance usually ended up getting something valuable out of it, hahaha.

I just don’t like being abandoned or given up on by a close friend! This would hurt ANYBODY, even the most confident NORMIE!!!!! And so it was especially hurtful to me, being insecure and unstable hahaha.

I don’t shove my insecurities in people’s faces. Only anonymously on the internet, hahaha. In Real Life, I just seem like a quiet and nice guy. Though maybe a little weird because a little too quiet. But I’ve had people who appreciated me. I guess I would like to have more appreciation at the moment hahaha. My family appreciates me THANK GOD but I am greedy for more appreciation: that of especially women and jobs.

I like all kinds of music and movies. I enjoy black metal and artsy foreign movies. Yes, these things can be quite degenerate. It’s hard finding stuff to watch or listen to that isn’t TOO degenerate.

I am really against Degeneracy, though, which I find in EVERYTHING. Any product of modern culture is somewhat degenerate. Promoting immorality, hedonism, and nihilism. I have discarded things I used to like, simply because it’s ultimately a bad influence. For this very reason, I am no longer a Big Fan of any TV shows. TV is horribly degenerate in general. As are movies. As is music. It’s hard to ENJOY anything because so much is rooted in degeneracy and has no higher meaning. Like I said, it promotes and is born from an unhealthy worldview. It does not nourish or strengthen the soul. It’s hollow and empty and soulless and sometimes downright wrong, immoral, evil. No redeeming qualities. Casual sex, hedonism, nihilism, moral relativism, amoral, immoral, if it feels good, do it. If it gets you off, do it. I can’t tolerate that stuff anymore. Or where the only thing that matters is that everyone is Consenting. Consent is a crappy Moral Standard. Two people can CONSENT to something that is horribly immoral.

Young people can be BRAINWASHED into living a degenerate life. I know I was. It’s basically short-term hedonistic GLUTTONY of the senses. I never did casual sex simply because I was not attractive to women, but I did use too much pornography for a time. Porn is hugely degenerate IMHO and I wish I’d never seen it. I want to stay away from it for the rest of my life. We should not tolerate Porn as a normal thing. It’s BAD. It’s WRONG. It’s IMMORAL. It’s DEGENERATE. NO GOOD can come from it.

As you can see, I am no stranger to making Strong Moral Judgments hahahaha. I would have it no other way. As I’ve gotten older, I’ve gotten more Moralistic. I Cannot tolerate moral relativism anymore. There is RIGHT, and there is WRONG. Period.

I perhaps overestimate how “degenerate” some things are, but I truly believe the stuff goes DEEP. It is ALMOST like a deep PsyOp designed to destroy our morality and our souls. The Devil works in crafty, mysterious ways hahaha.

No, I am not super religious but I have become more religious. Or, at least antiatheistic, where when I was young and dumb I was vehemently atheistic, antitheistic. Now I just think that is smug sophistry by fedora-wearing “I Luv SCIENCE” types.

A lot of this is tied to a Political and Ideological awakening I had in my mid to late twenties where I essentially went from Left to Right, to oversimplify it greatly. In college, you had to be Far Left to be cool. I wanted to be cool, to just fit in, and have friends, meet girls, have people like me. But as I got older, I couldn’t keep going with the moral relativism of the Left. I had to Become Who I Was hahaha.

Uhhh I won’t judge anyone here as degenerate. That is none of my business. Just try not to HURT people. It’s not that hard. If they are begging you to show them mercy, show them mercy. If they are begging you not to throw them away like a piece of garbage, DON’T throw them away like a piece of garbage! Have respect and care for your friends’ feelings! Don’t add insult to injury! Also don’t be a cheater.

And don’t have casual sex with more than one person at once. Yes, it’s the other person’s business because you might be giving them a disease hahaha. You know what, don’t have casual sex at ALL because sex is inherently INTIMATE and NOT casual, and when you try to make it casual, this will come back to haunt you, by making you unable to connect with people. Unable to love haha.

If you are a woman who has a male friend, understand that he might develop feelings for you after a while. Try not to be hugely offended by this, and let him down GENTLY. He’s still the same person you became friends with. He just likes you so much that he wants to take the friendship to a deeper level. Let him down GENTLY. Darn.

.

END

yeah buddy.

mar 31

well, I felt all energized and uplifted because I posted 2 rambling incoherent posts on despair forums, now the next day I am too scared to go and check the replies. scared that somebody is gonna criticize my rambling, incoherent, stupid nonsense hahaha and bad communicators don’t get good jobs like the 21-year-old gurls right out of college with their shiny LinkedIn profiles who have better jobs than I ever will. working for healthcare admin hmos maybe? wearing problem glasses yet still being cute, making 20 dah as some kind of Team Lead or Program Manager. hahaha, I have never been a team lead in my life. I hate when young women become Job Leaders. I wish I could be as successful as Young Women. they will probably make You Know Who a Team Lead. so she can give shitty advice to tier 1. fook her hahahaha. I used to give GOOD advice to new tier 1’s when I was just a tier 1 as well!!!!!

and I gave much better advice as a tier 1 than she will ever give as a tier 2! she will be one of those useless tier 2’s that gives shitty advice, and is always bitchy, and refuses to escalate for desperate newbs who are begging for escalation!

hopefully, she can also become a fat mudshark single mom to a brown baby and a deadbeat baby daddy and she gets hooked on pain pills recreationally!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

when she coulda been a good wife to me, and FIXED me hahahaha and we would have HUHWHYTE babies, and I would never leave her and she would never leave me, and I would gradually move up in my career and make more money and become more respected and have an easier job and make more money hahaha and people could say damn, he is SMART and he is GOOD and he is the BEST manager ever. I want to BE LIKE him. He’s got a great faithful wife too, and 3 or more beautiful children. I want him to write me a letter of reference so I can get a southern new Hampshire online MBA for 80 grand.

I hate that she is way dumber than me and almost as lazy and underachieving and losery and unambitious, yet she does OK with her working life and is on the way up, while I am constantly falling towards rock bottom, like homer falling down the Jagged Crags of Springfield gorge. and she is almost 10 years younger than me.

I HATE HAVING TO COMPETE WITH MUCH YOUNGER WOMEN FOR JOBS AND HAVING THEM BE WAY MORE SUCCESSFUL THAN ME !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

young college age gurls, who are probably huge casual sex having sluts, partying on the weekends, are fookin managers and supervisors and team leads making 20 DAH and writing business bullshit on their LINKEDIN pages and treating LinkedIn as their new facebook. And they are spewing the business bullshit very well, talking just like A Manager, not even misspelling shit. How do they BULLSHIT so WELL?

I wish they were just at home having white babies and there would be more jobs open for white men like me hahahaha.

it just seems very unnatural and unwholesome to compete against women for jobs. when you can’t get women OR jobs, it makes you even MORE resentful against women. cuz they have the good jobs that you want and can’t get, and also you want women themselves, but can’t get them either. and if they removed themselves from the workforce and weren’t so damn career focused, there wouldn’t be such fierce competition for jobs, and you’d have a better chance at getting a damn job.

and every damn woman has DUMPED you AND they became successful At Work while you continued to be a HUGE FAILURE at both Work AND Women hahaha.

there’s the gurl who’s 10 years younger than you, you fell in love with her, she dumped you harshly, she’s dumber than you, yet she’s way more successful than you and makes way more money than you. its HUMILIATING!!!!!!

yes going on LINKEDIN is NOT RECOMMENDED. fooking hip young college gurls treating it as a CAREER FACEBOOK, all trying to one-up each other in their health and recruiting and staffing and PR and marketing and HR careers. and social work and teaching.

I read their accomplishments and I don’t even know what this shit MEANS because I’ve never worked a job like that. let alone succeeded at it and ADVANCED in it. hahaha. I have always quit before I ADVANCED in anything because I can’t handle the pressure hahaha. how do these young dumb GURLS do it? how are they STRONGER than me???!!!

I HATE THAT!!!!! IT’S HUMILIATING!!!!!!!

welp applied to 3 jobs so far today.  that makes 11 this week. still haven’t heard anything hahaha.

well you have to do 100 applications to get 1 interview, and 100 interviews to finally get 1 job! therefore, you must apply to 1000 jobs. therefore, I am 11/1000  aka .011% on my journey to get a job hahahaha.

EXCUSE ME. 1.1%. aka .011 straight up. 1.1% in 4 days is not bad. therefore, about 400 days to get a job hahaha.

a lower paying job than before where SHE makes at least 3 DAH more than I do, but hopefully something less stressful.

shit. I want HER to go crazy and quit the job. to one day say NOPE I CANT TAKE IT ANY MORE and walk out and start all over again like I did.

FOOK these BITCHES and their SUCCESS!!!!!!

well mainly I’m angry at my own lack of success, but when you lack something, you are mad at yourself for not being able to reach your own standards, but also jealous and envious and butthurt at all the people who HAVE what you WANT.

ie WOMEN, women have the JOBS and they have….the women hahahaha. They have the things you want, and you’re not good or strong enough to get those things for yourself, but a 21-year-old gurl IS?

ITS HUMILIATING!!!!!!!

years of this can really give you an inferiority complex!!!

that really hurts you in regards to Struggling for Jobs and Struggling for Women!

Life IS Struggle!

you can’t get demoralized by that struggle, you have to

JUST KEEP STRUGGLING.

NEVER STOP STRUGGLING.

this video keeps popping up

do women have in-group loyalty or not?  The video seemed pretty good from fast forwarding thru it without sound hahaha.

so women are naturally TRAITORS and OPPORTUNISTS? This SUCKS. How are men SUPPOSED to love that shit? sure, carrying your child is a big deal……

well maybe women CHANGE after they have CHILDREN, to become less traitorous. And better people. Better wives. so it makes perfect sense to have children ASAP so you don’t grow up to be a SHITTY TRAITOR.

WILL TRADE RACISTS FOR RAPISTS hahaha

Women would rather get RAPED by RAPEUGEES than show any allegiance to men of their own race who white knight and defend then. Rather get RAPED by an outgroup than be DEFENDED by your ingroup.

ABSOLUTELY TRAITOROUS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

heh. Watching that video and reading the comments won’t make you LIKE women any more.

Hey, didn’t I say I don’t LIKE hating women? its too unhealthy? That it’s better for my mental health to LIVE IN DENIAL regarding the INHERENT SHITTINESS of women? That that’s really the best way to take care of MY self and not get discouraged.

tfw when LYING TO YOURSELF IS BETTER FOR YOU THAN being HONEST with yourself. yikes.

well i guess never be so unaware of your lie that you do stupid shit, like get feelings for a woman or get married or have children hahahaha.  get chained to some traitorous bitch that will divorce you in 6 months and take your money and house and kids to ride the carousel and outperform you in career.

Just got a call about Accounting Clerk job thru staffing agency with hopefully nearby client. Just applied for the job less than 4 hours ago. they left message, I froze and knew I should call them back before 3:30 when the Recruiter said She was leaving office. Worried that they would put me on spot with hard bullshitty questions right there. Faced the fear and called anyway. Sounded pretty good on phone. Explained my accounting experience: I worked as an “Accounting Department Assistant” briefly 11 years ago; I took 3 college courses in accounting and got A’s; understand basics of accounting; know some Quickbooks and Peachtree and excel of course; but they specifically wanted X years of Paid Working SAP experience. I said I didnt have that but was more than willing to learn SAP as quickly as needed. Sorry, we need SAP people immediately, but we will keep your resume on file. Ok, thank you.

She was moderately nice and not a hostile bitch, so that was good.

Yeah “learning SAP quickly” is like “learning All Maths quickly”. Learn to become an experienced Software Engineering Quickly and get ramped up to hit the ground running tomorrow for your new job as a microsoft senior developer. I know SAP is a complicated, confusing, big, customizable, labrynthine behemoth, the cause of nightmares and ulcers and lost sleep and racing thoughts and ragequits hahahaha. You have to pay good money to get decent SAP training. One does not simply learn SAP quickly and hit the ground running for a 12 DAH job. I am surprised they don’t have full blown degrees in SAP. I am sure there are full courses in SAP. Beginning, intermediate, advanced. I have taken none. I’ve taken Intro and INtermediate Accounting though! Got all the way through the 30 pound 1500 page textbook! Remember very little other than assets = liabilities + equity, and I couldn’t explain what that means to an accounting student. Couldn’t even bullshit it.

BULLSHITTING IS ONE OF THE MOST IMPORTANT LIFE SKILLS YOU CAN HAVE. And I am VERYYYYY rusty on it. And I don’t like doing it all day. It’s dishonest and exhausting!!!!!!!

But oh well, I called them. That is an accomplishment. Now to see what these assholes on despair forums are tearing me apart.

No, not really thankfully. I think I even got 1 like! Made one more long, rambling incoherent post. There is honestly much less activity on this forum than on the trails forum. I can’t believe it! Despair form gets like 1 post every 5 to 10 minutes, TRS gets a couple posts every minute!

i guess i wouldnt have a HUGE problem with me having casual sex with some random young qt. i mean hey if they want to be a slut I’m not gonna stop them! I just don’t care about Randoms!

but HER, the idea of HER having casual sex offends and RUSTLES me TO THE MOON!!!!! cuz I Luved her and treated her cvnt like some kind of sacred, life-bearing treasure from GOD. which it kinda was. but feeling like that is gonna bring me nothing but pain now. Cuz i just want to forget about her, forget i ever met it. it wasn’t worth it.

We had some really good times, but IT JUST WASNT WORTH IT.

The bad times outweighed the good times. And the good times were really good. But the bad times were really, really bad. It was a Net Loss. Net Bad.

Yeah, I LEARNED shit that will make me better and smarter…..but I think I was capable of having a good rel ALREADY, WITHOUT learning these painful lessons. like yeah the lessons were valuable, but they weren’t valuable ENOUGH, they werent MANDATORY.

THE LESSONS WERENT EVEN WORTH IT.

Therefore, QED, I wish I had never met her. Damn.

A big important 2.7 year long relationship which I was heavily invested was not worth it. I wish it had never happened. Then I would have come out ahead of where I am now. Wish I had never met that person.

It’s like putting all your money in an investment, then the investment crashes and you lose all your money. Great. what did you learn? don’t invest all your money in that bad investment. Great Lesson bitches hahaha. but its not gonna get you your life savings back, and you’re not gonna get better about spotting bad investments in the future, nor do you have any money to invest in them.

Like I said, she had some yellow flags, but actually LESS than the average woman. I watch like a HAWK for red flags and picked her because she seemed to LACK them. There was no red flags that she was gonna do what she did. I figured she didnt like me but I had no idea she would completely ignore and block me to the extent that she did. I thought she would respond to me EVENTUALLY. NOPE. and there were no red flags indicating that.

http://goaskalice.columbia.edu/answered-questions/college-student-always-depressed-0

hehehe i was kinda like this pathetic loser