OK SILLY EVIL WH1TES, TIME TO GO NOW, YOUVE DONE ENOUGH DAMAGE

sheeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeit

sept 22

yeah there is def a mental emotional change when you have been a jobless neet for over a YEAR. you see a nice 12 dollar job and think wow maybe i could do this, and then you automatically get discouraged, like they will see this neetgap and say into the trash this neet goes.

so i am increasingly thinking a part time thing will be MANDATORY for me to regain my “training wheels” and gradually shed muh neetism. and then i have a MUCH better chance at getting those sweet bigboy 12 dollar jobs. and finding a nice fat white trash mudshark waifue hahahahaha. bbbbbb SHE makes 15 an hour! she is 3 full levels above me!

oh well i am done with her and i will be alone the rest of muh life, never find as good of a woman, big deal, who cares, i can get a 11 dollar part time job, be a part time bum and dnate money to 1488 orgs who support white children and white families that i will never have hahahahaha.

fook it who cares. smoke MJ erryday and dnate 20 bucks a year to white orgs hahaha really making a difference.

yeah well at least im not FAT!!!!!!!!!

should prob start LIFTING hahahaha.

11 Unusual Ways to Stand Out in a Job Interview

http://bit.ly/2cm4pHJ

#interview #interviewadvice #interviewattire #interviewetiquette #officebehavior via @Glassdoor

send a handwritten thank you note on fancy card stock? jeebus. fook this bitch. ARE YOU KIDDING ME. maybe thats why ive been rejected at 18 interviews. cuz all their other people sent handwritten thank yous on card stock. no ya dumb broad its because i have a 14 month gap. a 14.88 month gap hahahahahahahahaha hail victory, hail the fuhreri, gtkrwn

https://upfrommorallylazyloserness.wordpress.com/2016/09/21/6518/

top 20% post here tbh fam, hall of fame. rising above the rising tide of mediocrity hahaha. up from neetness’s best. go back and reread this on fo sho hehehehe.

repost this one. hehehe. top 10% even. LOL

yeah i bought that millennial woes t shirt hahahaha. no more t shirts for a while hahahaha.

i liked that that woman was more used to REJECTION than normie women. rejected by her longterm bf, rejected by her short term bf, rejected for jobs that other people got. she would not get hired just for being a pretty young gurl, prob because she came across as dumb and dull, but i didnt think that outweighed being a pretty young gurl! but for her it did. so she would have to go to 2 or 3 interviews at diff places before one said yes. rather than getting an offer for her very first place. but she would still find something relatively soon. didnt have to send out 550 applications and do 19 interviews. and i am much sharper and present much better than her! well, except that i get nervous and spergy. and i have a huge gap. which outweighs me being a fairly decent interviewer, apparently.

yeah well im smarter than HER. im better than HER hahahaha. i deserve to make 15 an hour and she only deserves to make 13 an hour hahahaha. because i am WAY BETTER than her hahahaha.

no i dont really believe that, thats just my shitty defense mechanism against her making me feel so weak and worthless and inferior and thrown away hahaha.

who cares. only me, no one else. she for DAMN sure doesnt care anymore.

but yeah even me being on a 3 week stretch of No Interviews has definitely weakened muh confidence. sheeeeeeeit.

basically, if you dont do a job/work in a long time, you start to feel INCAPABLE of doing a job, that you dont have what it TAKES to do a job.

if you havent had secs in 10 years, you begin to feel you dont have WHAT IT TAKES to have secs with women. or you have permanently LOST what it takes.

i dont care too much about secs, but i DO care about Having What It Takes to Get Secs, when its Game Time and I find a mother of my children material of woman!!!!!

When you havent had a Trad Monog LTR with a woman ever, you begin to feel like you are missing What It Takes to have a Trad Monog LTR with a woman!

Feels Bad Man!

hehe he will probably get TORN APART for “wanting to make it a little painful for her” oh you evil evil evil horrible person!

actually a fairly decent good thread, would recommend

the idea that the outside world finds you worthless. the real world. The Market finds you worthless and unemployable. Women find you worthless and uncommit-to-able. this stream of negative thoughts is what causes despair and it must be stopped. and not with recreational drugs. but what about MJ? hehehehe.

sheeeeit. wife cant hide her CHEATING because the guy DIED and she was devastated by it, and this is how her hubby finds out. cheatin bitches, nothing sacred hehehe.

i bet all the people telling him not to get a paternity test are WOMEN. hahahaha. women WOULD say some bullshit like that.

i accept that you can luv kids who are not biologically yours…….but i claim that you need to know. because you deserve to know if YOUR legacy is continuing. you are entitled to WANT biological children of your own.

tried to listen to evoken “antithesis of light” and, just like the last time i tried listening to it, i was like, this is ok, its doomy and slow and dark and  i like the drums and this guy really does have good craig pillard esque lowass growling vocals which i really like (interestingly enough pillard actually joined the band for one album but he never did his classic lowass growls tho! just played bass. also i like craig pillard because he is an outspoken pro-white. or at least he used to be and i hope he still is!)

and the drums sounded good but god damn the songs did not hit me the same way as the songs on their previous albums. the riffcraft was not as compelling. a few cool riffs and a lot of that disembowelmentesque clean ethereal guitar over heavy slow riffs, i like that, but…….i dunno the songs just dont seem as good as on the albums before it, and this is the same impression i got of this album every time i tried listening to it, and then i stopped following evoken and they have 2 albums AFTER this!!!!!! but i want to give them more chances, i really do, they are good bois, they dindu nuffin.

you know that feel when somebody asks you a question or gives you a problem that is WAY ABOVE YOUR PAY GRADE? well now imagine that its STILL your job to fix the problem, and the people whos pay grade it IS, are gonna fight you and your client tooth and nail to PROVE that its really above your pay grade. just believe me when i say i can’t do this!!!!

but then again i tend to underestimate myself and think i am incapable of a LOT!

ok we need no explanation or qualification of how mgla is a great band, but KSM needs a little more luv. Also this album sounds a lot different than KSM’s “enemy of man” and is very blasting, raw, fast, savage, does not really sound like mgla at all, whereas i guess “enemy of man” sound more mglalike. plus this is just a great drummer and it is nice just to listen to him play. and to GOMAD like he does here. i am not sure its the same singer though.

heh. i was in ARBYS getting sum ROASTIES and there was the cutest 18 year old gurl in the world working there. snow white skin, super light blond hair, i mean she was super blond. and just ridiculously, insanely cute, like real aryan tradwives in wheatfields tier, i cant believe such a gurl EXISTS at the ARBYS 1 mile away from my home!

i mean she was YOUNG though, 18 at the OLDEST. I mean I had to take a step back and pick my jaw off the ground. I was BOWLED OVER. IMPRESSED. turned into total mush at this sight of this TEEN GURL. an 18 year old gurl reducing a 35 year old man to Jelly heehehehehe.

No I am not 35 but I use that as an approximation of my age, I am close enough to 35.

” I personally hold strongly that part of the goal of a marriage is to be one another’s moral partners ” says glassisnotglass on

i thought that was a very interesting thing of them to say, and I probably agree.

heh. HOW COME it takes till age 25 for women to “figure out what they want???” It doesnt take MEN till age 25. it didnt take me. this is setting the bar very low and encouraging bad behavior from women.

some stupid reddit thing about a 23 year old woman acting like a 12 year old, and tons of people are saying, well what do you expect, shes onyl 23. NO EXCUSE. YOU SHOULDNT BE THAT IMMATURE AT AGE 23. YOU SHOULD BE MARRIED WITH 2 CHILDREN AT LEAST.

signed into my old twitter for the first time in 3 years and see real life people i used to know literally saying antiwhite shit. like these crazy WHITE PEOPLE. UGH. OLD WHITE PEOPLE. Trump supporters. UGH. these WHITE people are SO UGH. YOURE WHITE YA MORON!!!!!!! these WHITE people calling other white people WHITE as a pejorative. like UGH. so DUMB and RACIST and WORKING CLASS and UNEDUCATED and AFRAID and INSECURE. WHITE PEOPLE SUCK.

these are real people. who were close friends with people i was close friends with. who get a masters degree and a decent middle class job. this is the type of shit they say to sound funny or smart.

even this other guy who trolls feminists and would be a good MGTOW candidate, white people are still UGH to him. even though he could potentially be red pilled on women.

but if youre 31 years old and not red pilled on WOMEN yet, you will never be red pilled on ANYTHING.

people really close to my age are so blue pilled and lame and antiwhite hahaha. the YOUNGER kids, there is actual potential there. people my age are the lamest, antiwhitest, SHITLIBS you could imagine.

the world is not overly white!!!!!! ever heard of africa, asia, middle east, south america? whites are already a MINORITY in the WORLD!!!!!!

or OH GOD I HAVE 1 out of 1000 FB friends is a TRUMP SUPPORTER!!!!!!! it prob wasnt a very close friend either. these people are less tolerant than ME, the 1488 GTKRWN White Supremacist!!!!!

“joking” about being able to spot trump supporters just by looking at a room of random people. they are probably white and fat. like you hahahahahahaha. but dont make stupid antiwhite jokes on twitter.

he has a kid and luvs being a dad and is puzzled that people under 25 are so antinatalist because having a kid is really awesome! which would be awesome if……..his kid were white. yep. white guy with a mixed baby who makes antiwhite jokes all the time and its more than just jokes, he is a true believer in diversity, and that whites have done enough harm. its time to take your final lap whites and get ready to retire. we’ve have enough of whites.

this is literally how these WHITE PEOPLE think. they admit that whites are evil, whites are bad, don’t lump ME in with white people, i might be white but I admit white people have done more harm than good, and THATS WHY diversity is good, because it DECREASES THE NUMBER OF WHITE PEOPLE. WHITES ARE BAD, SO ITS GOOD TO HAVE LESS WHITES. get rid of the whites, theyve DONE ENOUGH DAMAGE. good god.

uhhh way to assume all working class shop rats in a particular large industry dislike  barry. pretty sure they would vote for barry or hillary because they are lazy union scumdogs that are 50% nonwhite. but in the white antiwhites mind, all working class people are White Trump Supporting Racists. uhhh youre forgetting about all the NONWHITE working class people ya moron.  you think theyre voting for trump?

this is honestly a nice good decent guy so I can’t Curse him too much, but my god. his ideology makes me more sick than myideology would make him sick.  and he lives muh dream of having a good job and having a wife and being a father. i dont even doubt his nonwhite wife is a good person but i still wish he married a white woman and had a white baby and wasnt so god damn disgusting antiwhite! youre WHITE! just accept it! embrace it! learn to love your whiteness!

laugh at the jimmy buffet listening white people getting cray to their white people music! YOU ARE WHITE!!!!

its like they FORGET THAT THEY ARE WHITE, talking about white people LIKE YOU ARENT WHITE.

no they dont forget it. this is just their way of signaling that they arent like this. that they arent proud of being white. whites are a JOKE.

Literally 20% of his tweets are making fun of white people or whiteness. no other racial groups. just whites. ok its probably more like 10% but its a CONSISTENT 10%. sure enough, there’s another white joke in with the random jokes about your baby or food or funny stuff at work or whatever.

well i guess its more interesting than the other poeple who tweet about SPORTSBALL hehehehe. YAWN.

none of the people on my “real life men” list could be considered even slightly right of center. or even center. ALL leftists. well to be fair its the one guy doing the tweeting. i mean there is lotta twitter attrition here.

i made a separate list for women because literally EVERYTHING they say is stupid, so i didnt want to read them any more. again they would all be leftists but thats the default state for young tweeting women.

ok done with that bullshit. it is AMAZING how different i am from these people. and i LIKE being different. i WANT to stand up for my own side. I WANT To defend whites. i am seriously PRO-white. I dont throw MY people under the bus.  i dont make fun of whites. i seriously stand for and with Working Class Whites.

i dont blindly suck trumps dick but i HAVE to vote for him because he says ANYTHING supportive of working class whites!

these other whites have nothing but CONTEMPT for working class whites!!!!!

so dissapointing and sad. i mean this guy is smart, he’s actually funny, he’s a nice guy. he didnt HAVE to turn out like this. i mean i dont HATE him. I dont HATE his nonwhite wife and kid. i just have to shake my head. SMH.

yet more evidence that I REALLY need to go to pro white meetups and meet other pro white real life people. i HAVE to.

or at least find people i already know who already have pro-white inklings.

and its disappointing when the white poeple you know DONT have these inklings, in fact they make anti white jokes, and truly believe that Whites Have Done Enough Harm, Its Time To Go Now, Buh Bye Whites.

this is THE underlying belief, which makes debating nonwhites pointless.

basically: whites have power, nonwhites dont, whites have used their power to oppress nonwhites, and this reign of terror is starting to crumble and come to and end, and that’s a good thing! it’s GOOD when white population declines! Good! whites are a net negative, a cancer of humanity, whites have done more harm than good, ITS TIME FOR THEM TO GO. and WHTE PEOPLE BELIEVE THIS FULLY.

no its not fair for whites to protect themselves, because whites are OBJECTIVELY EVIL! whites are the most harmful race! its ONLY FAIR that whites pay the karmic price by dying off! Good!

this is LITERALLY how these people think! and it makes me sick!

well at least i got 5 applications done today, havent gotten 5 in at LEAST a week. spread them out all throughout the day. took the edge off by playing cards WHILE doing the application. or, intentionally doing the app slowly and not quickly, even if it would skew my numbers. so then i took the slow time and just took 10%-15% off of it. i guess i could also just input the Current Average of 13 minutes. or how about 14 or 15.

sept 23

received rejection from post office job today that i interviewed for like 3 months ago. for the PSE mail processing clerk. funny that i was actually offered a carrier job but not the processing job.

and i turned down the carrier offer because of shit i read online hahahaha. i still dont feel too bad about that hahahaha.

but i still feel incapable of doing/handling just about any job!

how come SHE can handle a job but I cant?

note: these thoughts dont seem to bother me as much as they once did, thank GOD.

but, how come any random NORMIE can handle a job but I cant? is the more general version of that thought.

heh. so whites are responsible for most of the INJUSTICE in the world and therefore we need to balance out the balance sheet. whites still have a DEBT TO PAY. thats why they mock them and like it when whites fade away.

i need to really start socialising with white people who are proud to be white hahahaha.

not that i really hang out with whites who mock whites anyway! these people I see on twitter, i dont really see them in RL anymore. i will see people like this only very occasionally. the people i see most regularly are not nearly this bad, hahahahaha. thank GOD.

but i would STILL like to hang out with people who are blatantly pro-white, like me hahahaha.

so, WHITES deserve to lose power because they have been so UNJUST and OPPRESSIVE for HUNDREDS OF YEARS. They brought this on themselves. They are the Douchebro race and now they need to learn that they cant act like that without consequence. have to be held accountable.

this is exactly the antiwhite view, its so simple, and we would do well to remind ourselves of it. you cant logic with these people. you cant change them or redpill them or chip away at them. they are basically hopeless race traitors hahahaha.

but yeah debating THEM is useless but like bulbasaur says, its more useful for the listening audience, to chip away at the people who actually are on the fence.

sometimes people adopt certain personas to fit in or make friends, indeed i was like that. when i was 20 i was a huge antiwhite leftist who thought that mocking the ebil whites was a way to make friends with the cool leftist kids and maybe win the approval of the qt leftist gurls (at leftist university, all the gurls were leftist).

but that was when i was 20! these people are not 20 any more!

so i thank GOD that I became woke by age 30 hahahaha. this guy on twitter is not, and never will be. you find a 30 year old that is talking like this, its pretty hopeless. and they have children. and will teach their children this crap.

are there any people that people redpilled AFTER they have children? i think some guys on the fatherland actually were. actually i think having children starts the redpilling for some people. well good for them. they were probably on the fence anyway, or werent blatantly antiwhite to begin with.

i will do everything i can to live out the 14 words, but it still is VERY frustrating to think that I dont Have What It Takes to have my OWN white children.

i mean if shit is mostly genetic, i should be able to have children with a white skank, and abandon them, and they will prob still turn out all right…..right?

but its patently horrible to abandon your children, and i wouldnt really want to do that.

and i dont really WANT to have children with a white trash skank!!!!

but if thats my only option to have children? you cant live in a fantasy world, you gotta live in the REAL world hehehehe.

so yeah i guess my plan is, if i havent had children by age 50, then just go the desperate plan z route of knocking up basically any white woman that will take me.

but that child would be MISERABLE!!!!!!!

heh. i remember when i was on facebook. like 7 years ago. i would get triggered by the stupid annoying things people would say, especially women. i just wanted to get away from it all. so i did. years later i brought back facebook and only had 7 friends this time. basically people who did not post annoying stupid shit and were trusted long term fairly special friends. that worked out ok until i friended THat Woman hahahaha and so i have deactivated this FB for the past 14 months hehehe.

but seeing that guys shitty twitter just made me think, damn, facebook is EVEN WORSE. even MORE idiots saying even MORE stupid shit. and i was GLAD I didnt have to put up with that….. but i was also frustrated because maybe this means i am too easily triggered and cant DEAL with real life people!!!!!!!

well being annoyed by peoples stupid political and moral opinions on facebook is nothing new. normies get annoyed at this too. they just dont have the BALLS to cut off fb entirely like me hahahahaha.

yeah i mean i do like seeing pictures of muh friends beautiful white children.

but everyone I know has my email address and phone number. I check email 1488 times a day. its always open. its open right now. i get 1488 job alerts a day. i just looked at email right now.

you can search my name on google and find my linkedin and twitter pages, which have my email on them. my phone number is available to connections on my linkedin page.

i dont NEED facebook in other words.

why would you “DATE” somebody if “its not a serious relationship?” where date obviously means casually fooking. i swear it is the stupid WOMEN who ruin reddit with their womanly bullshit.

the things they advise, if a guy actually was like that, they would dump him quickly. they view kindness and respect as weakness. and actual weakness they view as worse than abuse or stalking or raep.

comedy. i used to be much more into comedy. well, my good friend was really into comedy and he is a great guy and i supported him and felt i had a somewhat similar appreciation for comedy and comedians, actually smart funny good comedians vs bad comedians, comic timing, what makes something funny, etc.

as i have become more 1488 i have become less tolerant of comedians. i guess louis ck is a great example of the change i’ve gone through. he’s new enough that he was never grandfathered in in my youth. he started gaining a reputation as a smart person’s comedian and writer. i sort of appreciate his Depth of Character Development, which is above average…..but he’s still a cuckold phaggot. I watch his stuff sometimes with some interest. he’s smart enough to know better, so its disappointing to see him ultimately be a big blue pill jooish phaggot. and really he’s nly 25% jooish. but he seems like way more hahahaha.

like i was watching this show on fx “better things” which he is the co creator of, along with the female star, who was actually the voice of bobby on king of the hill. here she plays a degenerate single mother actress mudshark basket case skank with an alcoholic skank single mother herself. no positive masculine characters. all the females are stronk independent fragile basket case skanks. it totally makes sense to have louis ck in on this, and its pretty disgusting.

you can do better louis, just dont be such a weak degen. but he wont, i am confident in that. so into the oven he goes.

and its very similar with all of tv, movies, hollywood, etc. its all jooish degen, and has been well before 1965. hollywood has been jooish even since like 1920 hahahahaha.

so what. whos a good comedian? george carlin? bill hicks? they seem edgy but really its just basic bitch libertarian bullshit, and that’s just not good enough.

yet when i was 23 and met a super qt 20 year old gurl who actually knew and liked bill hicks, i thought oooooo this gurl is so special. normie gurls dont even know who bill hicks is.

of course she turned out to be a crazy mudshark slut, and thankfully i quickly got over my infatuation with her. seeing a 2015 tweet from her (not a frequent tweeter but im sure she is a mad FBer) shows that she essentially supports BLM, hates cops, thinks cops are The White Man oppressing and killing Blacks, and also guns are bad too.

at age 29 this girly leftism becomes a lot less cute than at age 20, and i have some schadenfreude as she rapidly approaches The Wall with no husband, no children, because guess what cupcake: YOU ARENT GOOD WIFE MATERIAL.

you cant get down on women for being leftist though, women are natural leftists. it’s the man’s job to guide them to the right.

still, does that mean women HAVE TO express their dumb stupid leftist opinions? why cant they just be more Apolitical????? Apolitical is ideal.

indeed, not all people express stupid opinions on fb or twitter or whatever.

some of them have Anonymous Blogs where they write 148800000000 word posts on far right stuff and traditional values. find me that woman hahahaha. no jk. in a woman, thats just weird. for a man, well, then i would like to hang out with that guy!

and thats obviously what i need to do ASAP. meet more real life white men with Racially Woke Far Right Wing views and morals like me.

i kinda am interested in getting a part time ABA autism job. just to see what its like. i dont have that kind of curiosity for other shitty jobs hahaha. and all the ABA jobs are part time, low paying, low qualifications, low bar, seems like it would be easy for a dumb ingra woman to get hahahahaha so why not me. well thats presumptuous, i have interviewed for SEVERAL part time 11 dollar an hour jobs and not gotten an offer!

i could say i have autism myself. no i just have terrible social anxiety. big difference hhahaha.

hehehehehehehehe  this young man of 26 he is way younger than me AND he has a gf who doesnt dump him because he is at a deadend job making shit money and he is unhappy and so why doesnt she dump him because to keep a woman you have to be in charge and happy all the fookin time. and the second you have a low phase and ask them can i lean on you for some moral support, they say nope dont be so insecure needy and clingy, im gone, this is your fault for pushing me too much. hahahahahaha

heh. so a person goes to the dr to ask for some benzos because they are scared of flying, doc says ok fine, gives them <10 xanax.

this is a lot different than someone who says holy fook i need benzos to go to my job EVERY DAY because im so freaked out by my JOB EVERY DAY.

the guy who freaks out on planes does NOT freak out about his job. he survives his job quite easily, makes 40k+ a year, goes out and socializes on work nights, gets 6 hours of sleep tops, and doesnt mind. doesnt freak out.  wouldnt THINK of taking benzos for the job.

and i think OH GOD I NEED BENZOS JUST TO SURVIVE EACH DAY AT THE JOB.

now i didnt really. i got like 6 months prescription of benzos but just hoarded them. in hindsight i wish i HAD taken them on the job. but I was worried about Seemed Stoned to everybody, so I just continued to freak out and not take them, except on weekends sometimes, just to take the edge off.

today is friday night, party time, took half dose of nyquil, my go to party drug. wish i had a big bag of indica MJ, then i would smoke that hehehe.

woo hoo got 6 applications in today. got about 250 calories over my goal tho. but i wanted to get at least 5 applications today in order to feel like a basic human being. and i did hehehe. even as the nyquil is making my thinking less sharp hehehe.  also my apps are getting longer and bringing my average up. I remember when I was at like 12.9 minutes. now i am at like 13.3 minutes. not cool man!

i guess i am a little jealous of women. they can get a Trad Monog LTR even if they are totally crazy, “babies give me a mental breakdown, and im also suicidal.” a MAN this crazy would be a foreveralone virgin, compounding his suizidality.

but again we know the reason why. power of the uterus. so it is only RIGHT that any woman, even a crazy one, doesnt need to make a HUGE EFFORT to get a man, and can still easily get a man even with HUGE DEALBREAKERS.

this woman is so crazy that “babies make me want to K myself” good LORD.

hehehehe. theses STUPID ARGUMENTS that the WOMEN START. we never got to that point. she would just dump me long before it got to this point hahahaha.

i have an anxious attachment style, she has an avoidant attachment style hahahaha. maybe i need another anxious person hahaha.

i know you have to put in LOTS of applications before you get a job, and it ALWAYS takes LONGER than you think…..but HOW long? HOW many applications? over a year? over 500 applications?

yeah sure i should get WAY more than 500 applications in a year, but I was really lazy and shitty for the first 6 months of that hahahahaha. so yeah i could get more like 800 applications in a year.

 

BEING A GOOD PERSON DOESNT MEAN SH1T IN THE MATING MARKET

but it really SHOUDL hahahaha. also also in the job market for that matter. I mean it DOES really matter to me, and for the state of your soul. and it matters with your friends and family.  it just doesnt matter with women or jobs. and those are two VERY important markets in life.

aug 11

hisssss leave me alone lads hahahaha

heres the question, when going to a DOCTOR, should I trust a White WOMAN over a nonwhite MAN?

because i am now seeing this White Woman DO, GP, Fam Practice Doc for citalopram refills every 6 months. she is not bad, she is def white, but also def a WOMAN.

weird dreams last night, unfort heavy involvement of the woman. in it she was shrinking into a defenseless baby, but also refused to communicate.

but she also refused to run away. so she stayed around for whatever reason, maybe she was scared to leave, but she was staying, but she also wasnt saying ANYTHING and was being very moody and difficult and bitchy.

but she was STAYING and that was the important thing. I was being a bet niceguy tyring to comfort her saying its ok sweetie, i’ll be here fore you when you want to talk.

then there was this alpha male playing rock guitar and she looked at him and then I feared that that would be enough to make her leave me.

he was a white guy who i went to college with 10+ years ago and was never superfriends with, but he was a good guy and I got along with him. he was a rare Country Hick who went to the univ. He was very very smart, and into writing fiction (I think) and gambling. i feel he wasnt some kind of mindless marxist. i hear he went back to the middle of nowhere and did nothing with his life, much like me hahahaha. except i am not in the middle of nowhere hahahaha.

so she didnt leave me for him but i didnt like the interested way she looked at him!

it was kinda like when the loving person is trying to help some traumatized child who cant or wont talk. the child is staying with you, so that’s good……..but they aren’t being cooperative beyond that. and what if they did leave? youd feel shitty for investing so much of yourself in trying to help them, when obviously they resented it and you.

then the dream got really weird with lots of weird creature horror cronenberg type stuff, where she was shrinking into like a cat rat baby hiding in small dark spaces.

and then there was even weirder shit. this grotesque skeleton nun appeared displaying these poor animals she was torturing/K’ing by essentially skinning them down to the bone, while leaving as much skin on some parts of the body so as to keep them alive as long as possible. however the nun herself was a kind of animated, partially skinned human corpse, who was supposedly the father of another man in the dream, who was either supposed to be my Professional Partner in helping/treating That Woman (who by this time was a scrawny cat rat child)…..or something.

so anyway the mans father was partially skinned into a barely living human skeleton dressed up as a mockery of a catholic nun, who themself was doing a similar skinjob on these animals. cats and dogs. but the idea was, it wasnt of their free will, they were being controlled / possessed by some demon or devil like in the exorcist.

these are the types of dreams I have when I am at my average!!!!!! hahahahaha.

i think woman 2012 also made a cameo appearance, hahahahha.

ok got 60 minutes of power hour peak UVB vitamin D sun, 2:15 to 3:15.  1 to 2 would have been better but i was at the dr. i am hoping sunshine activated vitamin d is the magic bullet that cures everything wrong with me hehehe.

this was a great vidya from this poor lost soul.

now he does watch sarcuck of cuckad, and quotes a socialist at the end of this vidya, but uhhhh the points he makes in this vidya are unimpeachable. i just hope he isnt really a socialist. for the sake of his own soul!

anyway the interesting thing about that dream is, somebody can be unwilling to communicate with you, but theyre still willing to STAY WITH you. that is a nice bona fide. of course, maybe they’re just too scared to leave you, and as soon as they build the strength, they will leave you.

she was absolutely not willing to stay with me, in the sense that she was “with me” as a friend, somebody in my life that I talked to, texted, hopefully hung out with, but not any more.

but yeah i guess time really does heal all wounds, i can tell i WILL get over this SOMEDAY………..

…….it just takes a RIDICULOUSLY long time, like TWO YEARS of ABSOLUTELY NO CONTACT. and by then, someone who was very important to you, who you wanted to be the mother of your children, will have faded away into a faded memory like all the other women. and then you will be a 35 year old loser who never had a proper GF and doesnt have a proper job and you know you will never find a nice 7/10 white 25 year old n<4 woman ever again.

oh yeah. got called for interview today. 12k a year job hahahaha. 12k. 11 dollars an hour, 20 hours a week. unbelieveable. but the job seems like it would be easy and stress free. back at the old employer i had from 2008-13. ideally would get the job and then be able to find Secret Internal Jobs, then get a FT one of those for 30k a year. The End. Life Goal Achieved.

the woman who called me sounded really confused and disoriented. she was clearly having a bad day. she sent me an email as discussed and it had some errors in it. i hope she was just having a bad day and this is not her average hahahaha becuase my average is WAY better than that hahahahaha. and she is making 30k a year. like some damn fatcat plutocrat factory owning capitalist hahahaha. how much does her HUSBANDO make.

the st andrean guy brings up an interesting point: back in the DAY, low level retail and cust serv people didnt have to THINK. “we dont pay you to THINK!” but now you have to demonstrate how you are a FAST and CREATIVE and GREAT THINKER UNDER PRESSURE for a damn 12 dah part time job. now you need to THINK FAST all day so you can solve customers problems and keep them from bitching at the manager.

then how do dumb negers get fast food and walmart jobs then?

affirmative action hahahahahahahaha.

and then i just remembered its HER birthday this month. but the good news is i didnt realize that until 10 days into the month hahahaha. now SHE is getting old. i wonder if she will have any mud baby Sprogs by the time she is 30. or if she will Abort the Sprogs and focus on her career.  yeah but a woman like her really NEEDS a MAN.  i wonder how many cox shes fooked in the past year. she used to be a beautiful person. “inside and out.” way to become a slut after age 25. so sad. hey u could married ME!!!!

and

basically i worry that SHE WAS THE BEST. I’LL NEVER FIND A BETTER WOMAN THAN HER. Young, Pure, Innocent, Nice, AND good looking. she was the FULL package. she just didnt luv me.

every woman I meet I will just end up comparing to HER, and SHE will beat them.

that’s my fear now. because as an old loser man, i don’t have any value in the mating market.

being a good person IS an important thing in life, with friends and family, in society……

but it doesnt mean SHIT in the mating market!

it doesnt mean SHIT in the market where New Human Life is created!

isn’t that weird?

Also what I’m assmad about at women is not just that they are going against their natural role……

but that they are so ENTHUSIASTICALLY, WILLINGLY rebelling against their natural role!

yes lets enjoy lots of casual sex! yes lets become powerful leaders in companies! yes lets have strong powerful careers and make big decisions! they LOVE it!

Whereas I am deviating from MY natural role as a MAN….but it wasn’t my CHOICE, and I SURE as hell dont LIKE it!!!!!

took some nyquil. then will go for walk num 2. was kinda useless today. zero job apps. not sure how that happened. i blame the dr appt, and also much hourlong walk in the afternoon. but really i think THAT is more important than doing an hour of jobsearching at that time.

also I get a lot of emails every day and it takes tiem just to scan them. i get SOME (not a lot) APPLY jobs out of these emails. it essentially takes the place of looking at the main indeed list.

also yesterday i learned that “stupid ghetto people” all use indeed. i chuckled and said really. just curious, what do nonghetto, smart people use? apperantly they use monster. this is coming from a Manager who hires and fires Ghetto people hehehehe.  i am more racist than him but he sees the reality more than I do! I guess he is just that concerned about not being thought of as a racist. i dont have that anxiety hahahaha.  i just have plenty of other anxieties. about my competence to do basic jobs and to mate with wimmin hahaha.

shit i wish i never met her. when will i ever get along that well with another woman again? of that high quality?

i mean yeah i can live without women, i can live without being close to a woman………but i got a TASTE of it……and i really liked it, and now i want MOAR. very much like when i pseudodated those gurls 10 years ago. different because this was more important, it wasnt psuedo anything, it was real, it was long term, there was an actual rel between people, and it hurt moar. but similar in that it gave me a tiny taste of something real good that  i knew I wanted MORE of. i didn’t want to go my whole life without experiencing that.

well maybe it will take ANOTHER 10 years.

i guess when i am 45, the 30 year old wimmin will look pretty damn hot hahahahahahahahaha.

now by that time, the women will have CERTAINLY taken a ot of dix and be crazier and be more duplicitous hehehehe.

who cares. i took some nyquil as usual every 2 or 3 days. took the full dose this time. around 6 pm. nice and early. hahahaha. recreational use of nyquil to feel numb and sleepy hours before going to bed. but yeah it really does impact your thinking. cannot think clearly at all. very sluggish.

so yeah writing becomes evn more shitty. but i guess its easier to not think negative thoughts. unless you get there automatically, then you dont have the mental energy to fight them off hahahaha.

george feels says he did his college at a crappy diploma mill and got a degree in “computer science.” he makes it sound like it was just as boring and easy and useless as high school. just coast thru, never really learn anything useful. and right now he is struggling to teach himself the C language. WTF DID HE DO DURING THIS COLLEGE? why wouldnt he learn C or C++ in a “computer science” program? maybe they did java or python hehehehe.

but it sounded like the shittiest college, he would have been better off going to damn community college.  i mean shit i learned enough about C++ and “computer science” at community college, learned enough to know i could never do this for a career, cuz the amount of stuff you had to know and master is STAGGERING. just to get a part time job hahaha.

i prefer what st andrean had to say. just dont go to college unless you are a GOD DAMN GENIUS, AND you have very good social skills, AND you are getting internships and networking with people working in the field, AND you go to a GREAT uni. so only go to college if ALL those are true. THought that was a great point.

tons of autist nerds are good at math, science, computers, but terrible socially. you need to be GOOD socially to turn your college degree into a career. the better socially, the better for your career.

so you really need to be great at everything. be the computer nerd with the charismatic social skills of don trump. i would think this is the very rare computer nerd hahaha.

or a guy like bill clinton is a disgusting degen sleazebag, but hes got GREAT social skills.

also we virgins never get to see what trump is like when he is seducing women. but shit an alpha male, at that point they are seducing HIM!

oh for gods sakes, that st andrean in exile guy shut his channel down TODAY. he had some honestly good stuff. i think he shut his own self down, because he did nto have any racist stuff. the powers that be still allow sexist stuff but not racist stuff. and sexist stuff is getting pretty big. i guess  shillary could try to shut it down but i just dont see it. but the race nut is a MUCH harder nut to crack than the secs nut. all these woman hating mgtows who are too scared to become racists hahaha.

aug 12

ok. 10.13 am and i have cleared out my 13 or 14 new emails from overnight. all job related stuff. i gotta get rid of some of these alerts hahaha. right now i have such a “backlog” of APPLY jobs, I can really only afford to add jobs if I classify them as “APPLYYYYYY”, ie, they are obvious standouts.

WE DONT PAY YOU TO THINK!

well in 2016 you must think of bullshit to keep your angry customers pacified, because your company is so LEAN that they cut corners everywhere and give shitty product, shitty service, creating tons of unhappy customers. and you have to THINK FAST and BULLSHIT in order to RETAIN those unhappy customers.

make promises and excuses when you dont even know what youre talking about. well have it for you as soon as possible. the price PROBABLY wont go up. oh it did? oops you got unlucky. it is what it is, you dont have to be happy about it, better luck next time!

i dunno. i just think the best “company culture” is when they are SERIOUS about giving good service to their CUSTOMERS, AND they are SERIOUS about treating their lowest employees well. namely giving them good training and helping them serve the customers well. not just bullshitting, and excuses, and runarounds, and avoiding, and passing the buck, and kciking the can, and saying we dont do that, or we have no record of that, or no, call them back, they are wrong, we really DONT do this, or we dont do that, talk to your manager, i did, he said call you, then call your managers manager.

where managers are there ONLY to make things “LEANER” and they dont know SHIT about how to actually do the work of the department. and they have been brought in from outside. ALWAYS PROMOTE FROM WITHIN. how hard is this to understand.

these anti-management attitudes of mine make me a borderline socialist, that and i am generally against Wanton Greed, and I am also against Wanton GROWTH where the growth is unsustainable. but you have to keep up with inflation goy.

1% growth isnt good enough when inflation is 3%! is that the idea??!?!?!?!

drinking weak coffee and my stomach is churning and gurgling extremely loudly and frequently.

went to store and picked up new refill of citalopram and some groceries.

i honestly dont know how ALL people are not RED PILL. just going to the superstore is BLACK PILLING. maybe its just too much. i mean you dont want to BLACK pill people. then they dont even care about red pill blue pill anymore, and become one of those fat mouth breathing zombies you see at the supermarket.

did see some qt 16 year old girls there with their Moms tho hahahahahaha.

shit i am probably old enough to be their FATHER hahahaha.

all these fookin jobs are for Seniors and Leads and Managers……………….

WHY ARENT YOU HIRING FROM WITHIN?

well PROBABLY they WILL end up hiring from within, which is good, they just HAVE to post the job externally.

ok fine…….BUT WHERE ARE THE POSTINGS FOR LEVEL 1 PEOPLE????!?!?!?!?!?

the postings for level 2 and above seem to outnumber the postings for level 1 by like 2 or 3 to 1…….AT LEAST.

too many chiefs, not enough indians!

now level2 and level3 aren’t “managers” per se. they are more subject matter experts, ie, people who ACTUALLY know what they’re doing. the people you really wish you could talk to , but you cant, because they only work on escalated cases, and advising stupid level 1s.

MOST level 2’s i worked with were good as hell, they deserved their status. about 30% didn’t.

but even the good ones weren’t necessarily Good to the level 1s who wanted their help.

thankful to be able to go out at 1pm for powerwalk in peak of days sun hahaha.

partly cloudy unfort but should still get some sun.  i guess it can break through the clouds somewhere. wheres a level 2. an SME hahaha.

i cant believe MORE average people dont go MAD from the ridiculous demands of Work. i mean these deamnds do not seem fulfillable by the average person! these unreasonable demands! so I guess i am a bit jelly of all these normies who go to work and don’t go crazy. they just turn into fat stupid assholes. black pill hahahaha.

heh. these employers HIDE BEHIND their PORTALS. I am trying to apply to hospital job and it errors out when i try to upload res. over and over. so now I just have to WAIT until they fix it. theyre probably not even AWARE of it. and theres no way to report it.  but it was just working an hour ago, because i applied to a job at that time.

its a god damn ridiculous oracle people soft type system that is stupid as fook. always signing out, buttons and links dont work, its fooked. i really dont want to clear cookies and all that. i guess its not a big deal because i just have it reopen all tabs automiatically.

so yeah i am pretty much planning to go to this labor day thing with old college friends. should be pretty fun. i mean most of them are all successful and shit but who cares, they are nice people and thats all that matters.

also one of the guys is not a super duper YUGE winner like the others hahaha. and he is still a super duper great guy.

is it considered a good bullshit detector if you think everything is bullshit? you are so sensitive to bullshit you think EVERYTHING is bullshit? even stuff that isnt bullshit?

yeah well most stuff IS bullshit, so can you blame me for thinking EVERYTHINGS bullshit?

so i got impatient, clicked on use previous resume, then accidentally forgot to click on i am over 18, and then it Disqualified me, now I cant apply for the job AT ALL. I try to do it again and says sorry you cant. FOOOOOCCKKKK. it gives you a phone number to call. i am not gonna call it unless i am blocked from applying to OTHER jobs.  SOOOOO stupid.

OHHH rejected for MAIL CLERK job at other hspital ive sent 40 applications to. wouldnt be the first time ive been rejected for mail clerk hahahaha. sorry, FILE clerk. hmm only took 2 days for them to reject me. 2 days since i applied.

NO i dont spell shit wrong in my Packet!!!! like i do here. there, everything is perfect.

all these companies send rejection letters on friday from 430 to 5 pm hahahaha. i wonder why this is hahahahaha.

also, just because HR for the big company sends you a rej letter for one job, doesnt mean they’ll send you one for all jobs at that company.

i obviously need to take my Main Standards of:

25 years old

n<4

7/10

and Walk Them Back a bit. but how much? I would say just a tiny bit at a time, until someone reaches the New, Lower Standard hahahaha. so lets make the new standard n<5. that will make the pool a little larger hahaha.

its not like i have 100 applications to pick from hahahaha. i have 0 applications to pick from.

oh noes, katie ledecky is at least 25% JOOISH. so if i had children with her, they would be 12.5% jooish. is that too much? kind of. I would prefer my children be less than 6.25% nonwhite.

i looked her up because i kind of liked her weird horseface and maybe she even sort of reminded me of That Woman in having a weird face that doesnt seem like it should be qt. WELL, wait until she is 30 or 40! wont be so qt any more!

fathers side is from czech. mother is half j00ish. yikes. and she herself is a “roman catholic”. YIKES.

does michael phelps wife let him fook rando gurls when hes at the olympics?

is he even married? i thought he was and he def has a keed. i hope they dont have an open marriage.

like he didnt get enough action BEFORE he was married!

customer service. jeez. i just cant do it ALL DAY LONG. maybe put me on phones for 1 hour….but then have me switch on and off, on and off. customers 1 hour, no customers next hour, then back on, then back off etc. but all customers for 8 hours is just holy shit. its like private pyle trying to survive the military. the military would be EASIER. how do people do this and not K themselves moar?

i MIGHT be able to WITHSTAND if i had a good waifu to build me up at the end of the long day…..but good waifus dont like guys who cant handle tuff situations all day. they dont like such WEAK men.

well remember, george feels worked at best buy geek squad for like 2 months MAX because he was too anxious about the customers and not feeling like he was trained to handle it. cuz the training was minimal, classic swim or sink thrown to the wolves shit. george freaked out and quit, and then got his awesome job at the liberry where he continues to work today.

he says that now he might try to tough it out at best buy a little longer to force himself to get better with people.

its all in this one, good summary of george telling his life story.

i think its something we shuld all do, to try to get perspective. you can see the link on the right side where i started doing Muh Life Story and then put it on this blog. cant remember the lessons i learned. oh yeah. much like george, i reaped what i sowed, and i failed to nip shit in the bud when i was young. i just ignored them and did stupid shit and assumed that everything would turn out all right as long as i got a college degree. NOPE.

yeah realy i wish there were like 2 classes in high school preparing you how to deal with customers ALL DAY. how to deal with their stupid bullshit. them bitching about CONFUSING stuff and how you could work under pressure and answer to the most ridiculous bullshit. certainly high school COULD prepare you for that….but it didnt. like put you in simulations where you could have a Safe Word to get out if you got too flustered. and just practice practice practice. like practicing a SPORT. you PRACTICE 10 times more than you actually have official matches. you practice so you’ll be ready for the match/game/competition/tournament. i wish i had done that in order to prepare for customers on the job.

heh. i would prob quit geek squad too georgie boy! i cant blame you! anyway he eventually got some more customer service experience when he switched jobs at the liberry.

WAS IT REALLY WORTH IT?

I had some SOLID, BIGBOY, REAL WORLD, REAL MAN Customer Service Experience, a full YEARS worth, in a CALL CENTER, taking CALLS all day on the WEIRDEST shit that I had NO IDEA how to do.

was it WORTH IT?

maybe…..but at this point it doesnt really feel like it. and i feel like I could never do it again. just the thought strikes fear deep into my heart so I am AVOIDING all jobs that seem like they would have TOO MUCH (>50%) cust serv.

WOMEN YOUNGER than me have opened up their own Clinical/Counseling practices. like this 25 year old broad i see making a duckface on linkedin. LCSW, LLC, LLP. but who i really want to help are single white men with despair and anxiety, and white neets and such. thing is, these people are not likely to seek help.  alot of people only go to counseling because they are FORCED by court or probation. i guarantee some of those men are white!

but yeah honestly i did some GREAT, STRONG work, and TOUGHED IT OUT in some real TOUGH MAN shit, when i thought I would BREAK under the pressure. but NO, I STAYED THE COURSE. Weathered the storm.

So i have PROVED I can handle tough situations and tough customers. however, add a shitty situation with a woman and THAT is my breaking point.

i mean it WAS a realy unique situation i dont EVER see happening again. both the fact that she did not respond AT ALL, PLUS the fact that we worked in the same office.

it wasnt the CUSTOMERS that pushed me over the edge, it was HER, or really, my inability to DEAL with her.

i guess THEORETICALLY i could get another job and fall in luv with another coworker. i just hope i deal with it better! and i think i really cant not deal with it better! i would just send an email or text saying WE NEED TO TALK NAO. I HAVE FEELINGS FOR U.

then she will freak out, say were done, and i will put in a 2 weeks notice hahahahaha.

no i will try to move my shift, or move to where i cannot see her.

if i am running out of Meds, I will go to an Urgent Care to see if they can write me an emergency refill.

again i really dont think the running out of meds was what caused me to go over the edge. it was i just couldnt handle that ridiculous situation.

 

THIS IS HOW BABIES GET MADE

july 5

found some Grade A job postings, which is kinda rare, most jobs are B- or B. Grade A you actually CARE about not making any mistakes. so should I do those super fast to try to keep my Average down?

well, don’t waste time but dont necess RUSH like a spazz either?

completed careerbuilder apply in 9 minutes. QUICK. why cant they all be like that?

just like a damn bag of meat. we are all bags of meat. like that damn tool video hahahaha. or nine inch nails. where they open up this pipe and there is this disgusting meat slowly pushing through it like shit through a colon haha.

women complain about men watching porn, well the things women DO are WAY MORE degenerate! whats worse, some pathetic neet whacking off to jooish filth (yeah that is pretty bad, but not in any way the women understand) or the women actually going out and being Living Pornography to some sleazebag?

well, in both cases you are making a mockery of something sacred. but its worse when women do it because they can get pregnant. also it actually involves two people. and not just one pathetic man whacking off to j00ish filth.

because youre involving MORE than one person and making an even WORSE mockery of the life creation process. arguably hahaha.

like a person who wahcks off to pron all the time can still grasp the importance of actual secs. i did! even though i watched WAY TOO MUCH pron, i still didnt view actual secs in that way. I was nervous because I was like holy shit, THIS IS HOW BABIES GET MADE, so i am nervous about that, and also im nervous because ive never done this before. and how soon is SHE gonna dump me. pretty damn soon as it turned out hahaha.

went to shrink. mainly talked about job search. also try to talk a little bit about THAT PERSON. I figure better to call her that PERSON instead of that WOMAN because NOT ALL WOMEN are like that hahahaha.

i said i hate thinking i was a bad influence on that person, while she was a good influence on me.

shrink responded that she prob didnt think i was a bad influence, like a druggie or a loser, like the people she cut out of her life for being druggies and drunks and losers. i hated thinking i was a loser like them. especially since i am prone to think of myself as a loser anyway.

shrink said if anything i was one of the better influences in her life! but she dumped me because SHE didnt know how to HANDLE the situation! NOT because I was a loser!

and also, she was positive to me, but she was ALSO VERY negative to me. there was SO MUCH NEGATIVE hehehe.

here is what muh new spreadsheet looks like, just for educational purposes. those top rows are frozen. i am adding new stuff to the top of the list and just adding more rows as needed. the link is to the google stopwatch. not really needed.

WEWLAD

ALSO try to look up jobs for companies on LINKEDIN. like this bigass robotics company i could not find at all on indeed. have many jobs listed on linkedin,where i can see that plenty of alums from my highly selective univ are currently employed. probably engineers making 90k a year, having grad from muh highly selective u’s engineering skool like I shold have done……

also found a treasure trove of hospital jobs that i wasnt getting because they were posted too long ago but they are still open. when i worked at my until 2013 easy fun job, i worked with a nice friendly man around my age and we got along well. he complained about his bitchy sister who ended up getting a “super easy job” at this hospital. i of course asked him, tell me about that job, i want one too. I could never get the exact title from him, dont think he knew. well i stalked the whole family on linkedin recently and found her job title there. and find that there are like 5 positions with that title. bla bla analyst. they IDEALLY want a CS bachelors (NO, not customer service ya moron!) but if his party gurl airhead sister can get this job, any ingra with a pulse can.

looks like his brother is doing a similar job.

i dont know about the guy himself. cant find him on linkedin. he had some health problems that impacted his working life and he could very well probably get SS disability. but he was a real nice guy and we got along real well and I sometimed wish I had become friends with him hahaha. I still sometimes think about what he is doing. cuz he is gonna have even harder time than me. but he had a similar work ethic as me: he didnt want to K himself being a bitch for Joos hahahaha and just wanted to do an honest job for honest pay, that wasnt all sales or ALL customer service. i know he would have not enjoyed the call center hehehehe. neither did i friendo.

but yeah of COURSHE bla bla robotics is not gonna post jobs on INDEED, they need to showcase their CAREERS on LINKEDIN. sheeeeit. might as well look for a facebook developer job on snagajob.com hahahaha.

and i am not talking about poo in loo indian contractors making 1 dah in bangalore to flag offensive content. i am talking about asian americans with top stem degrees, in san jose making 200k a year Managing Projects.

july 6

welp big interview tomorrow. compliance specialist! I dont even know what that IS! I applied for many other jobs at this large multidepartmented institution of higher education hehehe. why couldnt one of the OTHER jobs have called me for an interview?

i guess the good lord likes testing/torturing me with confusing shit hahaha.

unfort Seeming Confused is the worst way to get a job. you have to be confident and very competent, or at least SEEM that way, which is hard for me, who has been Unemployed for a Year and Hasnt Made Out with a Woman in 10 Years hahaha.

pay band STARTS at 49k? and this guys an ACCOUNTANT and he decided to call ME for an interview? are people really THAT bad at “Talent Acquisition?” apparently. the office is full of what sounds like black women hahahaha. i guess this place is HUGE on Diversity in the Workplace. probably a reason why a fooking white male cant get a job there unless they are AWESOME, which unfort i am not.

oh well. go to the damn interview and present a confident demeanor like trumpenfuhrer1433.

there is a FOOKLOAD of carbs and sugar in coca cola and other soda hehehehe. it might not have as many calories as you might think, but the carbs and sugar are ridiculous. absolutely off the charts. i say this because i was brought a soda at muh social event and since the new year i have essentially given up soda, just getting water, and always specify water unless they bring me a darn soda. i also went way over the top eating a damn huge burger. it was a good burger but it was so heavy and calorie laden hehehe totally rekt muh diet and also disturbed muh sleep at night. NEVER AGAIN!

daniel radcliffe is playing a skinhead neo nazi hollywood nazi 1433 crowd in “imperium” which normies will never recognize as the title of yockey’s seminal book hehehehe and which i doubt the j00vie goes into any detail about

heh updated spreadsheet to have a goal of 400 jobs. now i have a percentage meter that creeps up by 0.25% whenever I finish one job app hahaha.

well THANK GOD for this spreadsheet, and giving me the idea to use this spreadsheet, because its made the job search a teensy bit more bareable, which I kinda needed. to get to god damn 400 jobs. even doing 10 a day that’s still 40 days.

but really at 14 minutes an app, I should be doing at LEAST 20 a day. so now that’s 20 days. hmmm.

and i know all this because of the spreadsheet.

ridic interview tomorrow, I found out SOME info about their “ecommerce marketplace” system and their software bla bla so I will make it sound like i did some homework. Will state the basical account equation and shit abotu debits and credits.

heh this was just in muh youtube window.

this could be good. apparently it is “blasphemy worship” and this might be the band that led up to teitanblood. maybe. could be confusing another “P” band.

i dunno they did a split with teitanblood, who seems more grim and serious. they are both from madrid area.

anyway i guess i just like that aesthetic. that type of artwork with black and white skeletons and goats and red band logo. and this album cover always stuck with me (above.)

or i could have been thinking of THIS album cover hahahahahahahaha

I woke up in the middle of the night with muh tummy hurt from eating too many hamburgers hahahaha and thought wow, i have literally failed at everything every. i am the real master of failure. everything i tried i have failed. everything important to me i have failed at. all the important things of life: women, relationships, friends, jobs, career, education, i’ve more or less failed at. i drank some pepto bismol and thankfully was able to get back to sleep.

and do a paltry 5 applications today. down to a darn 13 minute average but i fully expect that to go as high as 17 haha. 21 jobs in the spreadsheet so far.

shaved scruffy beard in anticipation of interview tomorrow.  electric shaver always misses some hairs so you need to go back and do it twice hahaha.

want to go for powerwalk here.

ok, did that, listened to some blasphemy and ritual killer and then new fatherland.

the blasphemy album is good fun despite not being able to discern any riffs. great “atmosphere” of wild raucous drunken evil blasphemy hahaha. but you can only listen to about 14.33 minutes at a time tops haha. because they dont seem like real actual songs.

i will lie and tell them tomorrow that I have a 30% chance at getting the nursing home payroll job, and also a 30% chance of getting the education/training center job. hehehehe.

is it this hard for other people? do they too have such a HARD TIME adapting to their jobs, doing their jobs……and getting the jobs? do they have to also apply to 400 jobs? do they have just as good of a system as me? with alerts ad spreadsheets and shit? 10 page packets to every posting? maybe thats WHY I’m only getting a 5% interview rate. WELL, no packet seemed to be about the SAME. I figure the Packet gives them more information IF THEY WANT IT. (references, letters of recommendation, unofficial transcripts.) in addition to the standard cover letter. also have a long resume in there of coursh.

and that person just finds a new job in a month. probably just yes to one of the RECRUITERS calling her looking for a body to stick in a seat. and she probably just say ok its just a job, it doesnt have to be FUN, it’s just take it until i can find something better, not the end of the world LOL. at least I have muh weed and all these men to play with hahahahaa.

whereas i am intentionally trying to stay away from phone jobs because the very word still strikes extreme fear in my heart. and i would rather go from 15 DAH to 12 DAH to not have to experience that again.

i have very low confidence but i still think i am smarter than average people. like average people doing average jobs. my prev job was tough as hell and these people were smarter than you thought. and I was STILL smarter than them. also it doesnt make you SMART when information is hidden and you have the “SILO MENTALITY”. where there are secrets and shit. that doesnt make you DUMB when you arent privy to the SECRETS.

of course its easier to learn the secrets when you are a 25 year old woman and everyone wants to fook you or marry you hahahaha.

i might not be smart as some autistic engineer, but im no idiot, am i?!?!?!?!?! why cant I just get a damn 14 dollar an hour job? or 12 dollar an hour full time mon thru fri 9 to 5 job?  not some “casual” “rotating shift” “no guaranteed hours” “this position is not intended for someone who wants health care benefits” 9.50 an hour 30 hour a week job!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

what do the power lifting skinheads in blasphemy do to make their 14 dollars an hour?

they probably dont and are on canadian disability and welfarebux hahaha and then spend the money on booze and drugs and come out with one album of unintelligible “songs” every 15 years hahahaha.

kinda hard to believe that the orlando shooting has already gone out of the news cycle hehehe. like was the guy really a homo hehehe or was that all just speculation and rumors.

NEVER BEEN PROMOTED

june 21

happy joo year, same as the old joo year hahaha.

interview this friday for part time temporary job. but its in a great company. but getting a full time job here, you have to be like best friends with somebody. i have been trying to get an entry level full time job here for 8 years or more hahaha. persistence is not enough.

this job uhh lets just say they do some “workforce training” which is actually very good and positive. like training people in semi-skilled factory type shit. almost like skilled trades. basically i want to see about getting like training from them. how to use a cnc machine. how to do injection molding. grinding. fooking dorning and boring and metalwork and woodwork and concrete work and treatments and stuff. tool and die. shop. production. using expensive machines to make expensive parts that go on even more expensive cars, planes, vehicles, boats, buildings. real mans work. solid working class jobs where men work hard and fook white trash bitches in bars where shitty bands play and people get falling down drunk in public hahaha and manage to hold down their jobs despite their drinking problems, until they come up with a way to get hurt on the job so they can go on Disability or Workmans Comp, then sit around all day drinking, smoking w33d, and doing pain pills, hahahahahaha.  and their wife leaves them for a black guy. the weed dealer hahahaha. and your daughters grow up to be mudshark sluts and your sons grow up to be druggie losers. and everybody gets shitty tattoos and listens to kid rock and eminem.

june 22

its just very dangerous and bad for me to think “she left me because i am a loser. we all want to be rid of bad influences and negative people who drag us down. I was one of those people. I just dragged her down. just like a deadbeat or a cheater or adrug addict or a loser or someone going NOWHERE in life. she is GOING PLACES and deserves to hang out with BETTER people than me.”

and we have all cut out the dead weight in our lives. recognized negative people and been like this person is bad news. and it sucks when you are the bad news for someone else, but they are very good news for you!

also the thought that she is stronger than me. better at Working Life than me. better at Jobs. More employable, more hirable, more promotable, worth more on the job market.

she passed me by on that journey and can’t be bothered with people who have no plan for their lives, no ambition.

so i hate those thoughts. we dont have any CONCLUSIVE proof that she rejected me for being a loser dead weight bad influence. even if some of the things point that way. she rejected me because she was horrified by me liking her and she couldnt deal with that properly.

no i was just thinking of her as a supervisor in her new job, making more money, handling stressful situations, when i snap under pressure and have never been promoted and cant find a way to make any money, and she is 8 years younger than me and passing me by on the Journey of Life. Well I mean I am at least 11 years behind on the Marathon of Life anyway. i just hate having that rubbed in.

i guess the REBUTTAL to the COGNITIVE DISTORTION is: this is jumping to conclusions, we have insufficient evidence. there is REASONABLE DOUBT. the preponderance of the evidence does not conclude.

yeah but there is no EVIDENCE for the alternative explanations. there is EVIDENCE she thought I was a huge loser.

well….not really. I dont know WHAT she was thinking. I am MIND READING.

it is MUCH MORE LIKELY she got distant from me and Threw Me Away because she couldnt deal with my feelings towards her….NOT because she thought i  was a hueg loser . besides, at that time, she was just as big of a loser as me. doesnt matter if she had a good reason, being 8 years younger than me. she probabyl wasnt thinking about that when she threw me away. she was probably thinking omg i cant even omg he needs to STAHP right now i cant even.

hey. i wasnt GOOD ENOUGH for woman 2012 but she in NO WAY treated me like shit or garbage or a cancer.

its one thing if you are ambivalent about that person, ie nto sure if you really like them or not. this is more likely if youve only known them a short time, ie you dont really KNOW them. then when they say youre not good enough for me, you can say FOOK YOU BITCH, YA STUCK UP BITCH, Im too good for you, i never wanted to be with you anyway!

but when you think they are awesome and they think you are shit…..horry sheet that is bad. not good for the masculine confidence.

http://archive.is/GHUAo

paper mag, o god, the significance of dat boi frog meme to a conversation about white privilege, racial intersectionalist, and AAVE (african american vernacular english) oh jeezum crow these vermin.

DAT BOI IS A PROBLEMATIC, RACIST, PUNCHING DOWN MICROAGGRESSION that serves only to mock AAVE and not validate it.

CULTURAL APPROPRIATION!!!

thankfully most commenters on the article recognize how ridiculous the article is.

i only know DAT BOI because andrew anglin has been appropriating it, and i am a Sustaining Member of Daily Stormer hahahaha. i give him .12 euros a week. that is like 14 cents! every week!

might not be GOOD ENOUGH for the fatherland, but its GOOD ENOUGH for DAT BOI andrew anglin!

so my new thing is to find a decent company in the area, then apply for everything with that company i can. pretty common sense but this only occurred to me after 188 applications hahahaha.

just harvesting “leads” from New Jobs on LinkedIn. this gives you a lot of companies. but you can tell right away which companies seem better. so look and see if theres anything on that company you didnt apply to. who gives a shit if its not brand new.

its good to Purge Negative People from your life…..but its HORRIBLE when YOU ARE the negative person in someone elses life and they want to PURGE YOU. and they are a very positive person to you, that you want to keep in your life.

if you ever have a total CLUSTERFOOK at your job, come home and WRITE about it. but ALSO turn it into a one-page STORY that you can use in a future interview. strip the emotion out of it and bend the truth to make you look like you saved the day even if you didnt.

STORIES are VERY important and if you don’t have TEN good stories to tell in great detail…..YOU DONT DESERVE A 15 DOLLAR AN HOUR JOB, OR A WIFE, OR CHILDREN.

usually stories on how you solved problems and dealt with high pressure situations and very angry customers.

but yeah i just hate how its a RED FLAG when you are a certain age and you havent been a Supervisor yet. you have NEVER BEEN PROMOTED by age 32 hahaha. what does that say about your long term vision. you are not committed. you are a job hopper hehe.  you have no plan for your LIFE. you have EMOTIONAL problems!

and at age 25 she is a level 2. and at age 30+ i have never been a level 2.

that feel when you interview with people who are OBVIOUSLY way younger than you. and they went to your rival school hahahaha or worse. normies gonna norm. nonvirgins reeeeeeeeeeeee nonvirgins can suck muh dick, i hate them more than they hate virgins! because they are fooking degenerates who HURT PEOPLE and DONT CARE!!!!

thats why sex is degenerate! because you HURT PEOPLE and DONT CARE!!!!!!

if a person is gonna get rejected, heartbroken, thrown away like garbage, replaced, downgraded, dumped……that person is probably gonna be me hahaha. thats why i hate this shit. because it hurts ME, and people like me, DIRECTLY. my brethren.

it devalues and shows blatant disresepct for HUMAN LIFE — very often MINE or YOURS, DIRECTLY!! because YOU are just being thrown away like you don’t matter.

THAT is why I find casual sex disgusting and degenerate. it hurts ME, it hurts YOU, it hurts the beta niceguys who are THROWN AWAY, and it hurts the innocent CHILDREN who are MURDERED!

just ate a Pure Protein – Protein Bar Chocolate Peanut Butter, 200 calories, 20 g of protein. it was a bit like eating a brick and i can see it being used for a “meal replacement” as I am eating my Big Meal later in the day.

daily stormer “temporarily suspended” from liberapay?!?!?! but not weev. well, dailystormer is def higher profile than weev. welp that sucks hehehe. maybe its just a temporary thing and he will be back. i thought they were big on FREEZE PEACH.

MUH FREEZE PEACH.

see how stupid the memes made by leftists are? they are LOSING the meme war. right wing racists have WAY better memes.

hey i wouldnt be such a broken record on women being evil degenerates, if THEY weren’t such broken records of evil degeneracy!

having secs with no regard to the human life it creates!

breaking hearts with no regard to the humans they are hurting!

throwing people away like they were nothing!

THAT is why I don’t like women!

well, i like a few women. a few women who aren’t like that. and they are all above 45 years old. basically menopausal, nonfertile women that have no Sexual or Reproductive value. Eunuch, Desexed women essentially. Those are the only women I like.

well…i dont hate woman2012. and really i dont give a shit about any of the women before that. dont love them, dont hate them. so really, That Woman (2015) will become HISTORY once I manage to develop feelings for another woman.

But I can’t develop feelings for another woman until I’m done having feelings for That Woman!

well, that’s what I said abotu That Woman: I’d never be able to get feelings for her because i was still hung up on woman2012. well after 2 years of being friends and then finally confronting the issue in my mind, really considering it…..that was all it took.

so i guess if i become Really Good Friends with a Young Attractive Woman again, I could get feelings for her after 2 years of knowing her, hahaha.

i mean 25 is the perfect age. because they are not 20 and they are not 30 hahaha. 20 is fine but WAY out of my league. 30 is probably above my league considering i am older than 30! (but not 35 hahahaha).

heh. i dont want to be with ANYBODY. but HER. and its been almost a YEAR since i talked to her, since the shit happened, since she baleeted me. a fookin YEAR.

well today i discovered careerbuilder. it might be worse than indeed. I am hoping it has some shit indeed doesnt. yeah it just has a bunch of recruiters, even more than indeed. because companies think its too much of a cost to make their own postings on indeed and careerbuilder, so they pay recruiters to make the postings for them. good god.

 

 

A LITTLE EFFORT IS A LOT BETTER THAN NO EFFORT

april 30

happy halloween, now dont get drunk and have degenerate casual sex with some guy youve known for less than two months hahaha. but thats ok cuz you make a LOT more money than me haha.

you can cope with the stresses of real life and be compensated generously for it. so that makes you better than me hahahaha.

i hate that this success, winner, making more money, better than me, toughness, coping with a tough job component is so tied up with this woman situation. hahaha this is what happens when you work with the woman in a stressful job. all the other women who dumped me and we way more successful than me, well i never worked with them.

and directly failed at the same job that they directly succeeded in.

so yeah i feel like I have been beaten in the contest of life. given the same job, same environment, she succeeded and I failed. DAMN. they dont have a book that teaches you how to deal with that. its humiliating.

HUMILIATING!!!!!!

she wouldnt think twice about taking the good paying job i turned down! she would say yeah call center sucks but I CAN HANDLE IT and thats great money. So ill do it for a while, make some good money.

she doesnt panic and lose confidence and say OH GOD I WONT BE ABLE TO HANDLE THIS!!!!!!!

and I hate her being STRONGER than me like that!!!!!

how can you ever hope to get a woman when they are STRONGER THAN YOU?

i would have been happier if she really STRUGGLED with the job and HATED it and WORRIED about it, like I did. but instead she was like it doesnt really bother me that much any more, I can tolerate it. I felt it was a way of her Asserting Dominance and Superiority over me. even if it really wasnt.

it is like we stopped being on the same team. and she was becoming my antagonistic, hostile master, who wanted to force me out.

i was willing to support her with her struggles. she was not willing to support me with my struggles.

and i thought she would be. she was so nice and caring to me when i wasnt struggling. when i didnt like her, hahaha.

i guess i could have PROVED myself if I took this new call center job.

but it was a bigass gamble. i mean the company seemed really Fishy and they were TOO eager to get me in there. seemed almost too good to be true. They claim they are trying to change the culture for the better….but many reviews say the culture has been changing for the worse in the 2 years since the new owner took over. they are firing people like crazy, and people are quitting like crazy.

but 50 out of 60 people placed by the staffing agency are still there!!!!

yeah I COULD have proven myself….or I could have just gone crazy again.

with her by my side to cuddle and say nice things to me, i probably would have been confident and tough enough to handle it. the way I felt abotu her, i gave her the power to build me up. as well as break me down hahaha. i gave her the key to muh heart hahahaha.

unfortunately many women have a really WEAK LOCK on their Life-Creator, and they don’t really have much of a heart period. or they have such a strong long on their heart that no man can unlock it. but god damn can just about any tough guy get inside their Cheap Life Creator.

the lock on your Life Creator should be just as strong as the lock on your HEART!

it sucks when you WANT to be Accountable at your job….but the people above you are not accountable, and they push you to do so much, that you have to sacrifice your accountability by cutting corners and passing the buck! and you really hate doing this because you know its dishonest and shameful and unfair and just plain wrong, and if it were up to you, your company would be held accountable to fixing the things you’d THINK it was their JOB to fix!

this is why I am very leery of Managed Service Providers and Call Centers.

its SERVICE THEATER!!!!!!!!!!!!!

and the grunts tasked with being the dancing puppets there…..well naturally they are miserable and….

unless they are HER, then they find a way to have a sense of humor abotu it. usually by buying into the culture of unaccountability and saying, NOT MY PROBLEM, IDIOT CUSTOMER. You’re the IDIOT for thinking we can FIX this. next idiot.

I never took that attitude because I felt the majority of the callers WERE reasonable and good faith and not unreasonable idiots. they just wanted shit fixed that really shouldnt be breaking so much. they were just asking for their damn systems to WORK. how is that unreasonable?

sure some callers were dickheads but only a minority. i was angry that she wasnt angry at the higher ups lack of acountability like i was. do you think that is the right thing to do? do you approve of their behavior? dont you want to figure the peoples problems out? or you just listen to music and say sorry cant be fixed. sorry nothing we can do just deal with it.

besides when you are doing livechat, you get the more passive people, and its easier to make them roll over. the people who want something fixed urgently will CALL in not chat. and I dealt with calls exclusively. she dealt with chats exclusively. so in a way i felt like we did have two different jobs, and she had the easier job, and I resented that, right or wrong.

now, chats probably WERE harder than I thought they were. I will grant her that.

but I think it was easier to pass the buck and say “sorry cant fix it” to some milquetoast on chat. where if you told a CALLER that, they would be stubborn and want to speak to a supervisor. which is always a recipe for disaster.

shit should be FIXED so there is no need to speak to a supervisor……and if there is, there should be level 2s available to take the call. they should say, okay transfer that to the level 2 phone line now please. and not fight you tooth and nail over that.  it took me 6 months to even FIND OUT abotu the level 2 phone line, because shit like that was kept SECRET.  maybe if you were a pretty girl they would tell you more secrets.

on chat, it was easier to avoid a problem and hope it went away, without you dealing with it hahahahahaha. out of sight, out of mind! you see what i am getting at here.

when you see a woman acting like a whore, really you have to blame their FATHER. what kind of father lets their daughter grow up to be a piece of meat? just an ass to be POUNDED? wouldnt you take ACTION to make sure your daughter doesnt turn into a piece of degenerate, degraded buttslut filth pig? thats YOUR little princess!

an exception is when a bitch mother alienates a decent father from the childrens lives so the father never gets a chance to keep his daughter from becoming a whore. but I imagine at least half of whores fathers are just plain old deadbeat losers who just dont care.

dont hate the sluts! hate their fathers!

this will help you become less woman hating hahahahaha.

when you hold yourself accountable, you want to make other people be accountable too. especially when people are calling YOU to fix the shoddy work THEY did, and you can’t figure it out. and the other person is hiding, wont respond to your Chats, and you have to get damn permission to transfer a call to anyone. this is ridiculous. ideally I would just call them up, leave a damn voice mail, and then its on THEM, as it should be. that’s not me passing the buck, that’s me transferring a caller to someone who was working on their case who is probably better equipped and authorized to fix their problem than me. I shouldnt have to argue with them to take a second look at something that clearly doesnt work, that they clearly didnt fix. well prove to me i didnt fix it. becuase the caller says the shit is still happened. whats happening. whats the error code. ok thats different. you try to fix that. different issue then. if you cant fix it get it escalated. not my problem anymore. i fixed the issue that was escalated to me. i’m done here. i have other cases to work on.

and we had an honestly Good Team of Good People. we had actually good managers. decent level 2’s and level 3’s. there was good teamwork in our office. the problem was the faceless people in the other offices. when we got called on THEIR work. and also the highest upper management. they sucked. and they applied all the pressure from above and eventually got the place shut down and now 50 people are out of jobs.

how did she handle it so much better? how was she so much stronger than me?

because she smoked a lot of MJ? MJ DOES kinda help with the job. to clear your mind and help you SLEEP. helps you survive each day.

because she wasnt in luv with somebody on the job who was breaking her heart? yeah that had a big part to do with it all!

because she had an easier job and could just tell people to go away nothing we can do and they would just slink off? yeah that too.

maybe this was why she was so good at ignoring Our Problems and not being willing to Deal With Them. her whole job was ignoring problems and not dealing with them and avoiding accountability.

but was it really? was she really that bad? everybody liked her and she probably even got employee of the month. maybe. i dont know that. i really wanted employee of the month, and i had a chance at getting it finally if i had just toughed it out. damn.

maybe she wasnt as shitty of a worker as I paint her, but I was definitely a better worker than her. I was very accountable. Busted my ass to actually solve problems really. busted my ass to learn shit in and out when that was not an easy task because of all the conflicting and secret information. made personal sacrifices to try to get better at my job.

and i was the big loser and she was the big winner.

even if they are closing the shit and she is permanently losing her job.

her confidence is WAYYYYYY higher than mine and I am jealous of that.

confidence is SO important and i hate having none. and her dumping me and having a TON. and besting me at the job. and me freaking out about working in another call center while to her its no big deal. she doesnt freak out. she doesnt feel guilt for breaking peoples hearts and for not being accountable hahaha.

yeah well its GOOD to feel guilt for doing bad things! you know who doesnt? SOCIOPATHS!

but shes clearly NOT a sociopath. shes a good person who just didnt have courage to do one good thing. I might have done the same thing.

well no i wouldnt. I would have written an email at least hahahaha.

how could you have NOTHING TO SAY about all this?

I am offended and hurt by even just that. I have SO MUCH TO SAY about it all. It’s all i can talk or think about for 10 months. I have written 1000000000000000000000000 pages on it. she was right there in the “relationship” with me for 2.7 years and doesnt have ONE GOD DAMN WORD to say about it.

i had a SHITLOAD of things to say because it was IMPORTANT to me. she had NOTHING to say because it was…..not important to her? but i know it WAS at least a LITTLE important to her.

that bothered me too. i knew it was somewhat important to her but she STILL didnt say anything.

here’s a good thing to say:

“Sorry, we don’t have any record of that. it is what it is.”

thats a better way of saying “we dont know, no one knows, and there’s no way to find out, or we’re not willing to spend the time and the money TO find out, because you are just a nobody with an insignificant issue. who cares. no one cares.”

also,

“sorry, we don’t have any timeframe on that. they will call you back / deliver the shit within 48 hours. it is what it is.”

“my supervisor is out of the office today. I can have them call you back within 48 hours. that’s the best we can do. it is what it is.”

and then don’t have the sup call them back, because they wont, and hope the person lets it slide, cuz they rightfully concluded there was nothing anyone could do.

basically everyone is forced to act like no account, r-selected, quantity not quality n1993rs. this is very hard for a proud white man.  whites are the most K-selected race there is, and I am a VERY K-selected white! I dont give a DAMN about quantity! and I hate fast paced shit. I would rather take MORE time to do a better job. But they wont let you stay unpaid because other people’s work depends on YOUR work. you gotta work fast to keep pace with the rest of the TEAM who is moving fast as shit.

And you just can’t say I’ll stay an extra hour unpaid every day if you just let me go a little slower! 90 minutes extra! 2 hours extra! every day! unpaid!

well youre salary so youre expected to work 50 hours a week STANDARD. and NOT SLOWLY. not doing 40 hours of normies work in your slow turtle 50 hours. fook you hit the bricks deadbeat.

and SHE can handle all this, and I cant!!!! that makes me even more bitter and angry against her hahaha. maybe THATS why she dumped me. because I couldnt handle life and I was weaker than her.

Yeah well I couldnt handle life with the other women and they were nicer when they dumped me!!!!! those fookin sluts who took 10000 cox were NICER To me!

heres a good life pro tip: get a spring/fall type light jacket that is NOT a Hoodie. Of course we all like to Wear Hoodies and it’s ok to have one and wear it sometimes, but it also looks very unprofessional, n1993rish, and neetish. just get a damn fleece jacket or something light WITHOUT A HOOD and it looks a lot better to the Powerful Women and Men who make 15 DAH. then they might invite you into their cool kids club one day.

SLUT! YA FOOKIN HOOWA! YOUR CVNT!!!

(type o negative reference again, hahaha.)

maybe i do have bipolar. cuz when i get stressed and panicked I get racing thoughts and dont think straight and think i am going crazy. its SCARY.

therefore, I should try taking lithium and see if it makes me better or worse hahaha.

unless lithium is like 50 dollars a month. no thank you! only 5 dollar a month prescriptions for me!

I thought I meant more to you!!! I KNOW I meant more to you than THIS!!!!!!!

hahahaha. yeah I bet it IS easier to get over somebody when you have a SELECTION of OTHER attractive young suitors. Like if I had 2 or 3 good looking 25 year old women being nice to me and wanting to get my attention and wanting to hang out with me……i would hang out with them and i would see how OTHER women can be nice and attractive too, and SHE wasnt so god damn SPECIAL, and that I will find ANOTHER woman and get over HER very effectively and efficiently.

Like she has a bunch of young men showering her with attention and interest. She has forgotten all about me. I was just another dork showering her with interest and attention. nothing special there.

i can understand rejecting a persons luv interest. but to harshly abandon/ DESERT somebody, thats never called for. unless you are abusing them and they need to ESCAPE from your evil. maybe I was abusing her mentally and emotionally with my passive aggressive manipulation hahaha.

I’ll never know!!!!!!

But I do wonder if she will respond to our mutual friend ever, and what she will say to that mutual friend if the mutual friend mentions My Side of the Story.

basically I want the mutual friend to side with ME and not with HER hahahahaha.

i was watching doc martin and he was having trouble with his wife who up and left him. he went nuts and finally she came back. he started going to a Shrink to work on himself and on the relationship. the shrink recommended doing a session with both of them. the Doc agreed and tried to persuade his wife, but she basically said, no, not right now, I think you need to solve your own issues first, I dont need to go.

which was very bitchy and dumb of her to basically give up on the relationship like that and say its all HIS fault, I’m not willing to go to the shrink because HE’s the one with the problem, not me.

So I kinda felt like that. i mean I felt like the doc, and she was like his wife, who was like NOPE NOT MY PROBLEM.  HE’S gotta do all the work.

but at least they still talked to each other and remained married. and she eventually went. within like 2 episodes. and they began doing what the shrink said. like hugging each other and saying 3 nice things about each other. every day. wow I wish my female friend could have done that hahahaha. even hugging her was asking too much. but boy she likes being fooked by cool guys she just met! (no proof but many/most/average women do. you dont know if this guy is a serial killer, yet you will play the life creation game with him. if you create a new life, no problem, you can just murder it, and dump the guy, and find a new guy to play the life creation game with. maybe spread some disease but dont let anyone tell you that’s shameful because its not, its all about you, and everything you want is ok and good.)

bitter much? U ASSMAD? yes i am hahahaha.

birth control and abortion have made both men and women ignorant of the value of human life, and this is very sad for women, because they have a much bigger responsibility in the creation of human life. do they care? no. just fook and abort and throw unborn children and full grown men away, find another man to create unborn children to murder. fooking EVIL shit. hell on earth. it is THE ENEMY who is behind this EVIL.

no problem, just smoke MJ and forget it all.

no need to be truly repentant for the people you’ve hurt. just FORGET about it! its in the PAST! if you hurt someone again in the future, you can just forget about that too! Get over it! That’s what getting over stuff is! you just forget it ever happened, learn nothing from it, and never feel guilt or shame, becuase you can do no wrong, and even if you could, you’d have a damn good reason, and it would all be ok. you should never feel bad for the things youve done.

youre a woman, women are below men in the power kyriarchy, men have punched down on women long enough, so its JUSTICE when a woman punches UP against a man.

heh i wish i had gotten closer with her family, her mother, so I could really “USE” the mother to go to bat for me. not use use her, but “leverage” her to talk some SENSE into her daughter. the mother was on the path to liking me. but i just hadnt had enough quality time with the mother to get the mother all the way on my side.

well its not about TAKING SIDES.

i agree, it SHOULDNT be. if she had made ANY effort, it wouldnt be such a HOSTILE situation, it would be much less about taking sides.

well her idiocy and weakness and selfishness and disappointingness is finite, but GODS luv and mercy and goodness is INFINITE.

you dont need a mother or father or anyone to tell you that this is not the right way to end a relationship. anyone with any sense at all knows that. i think she had enough sense to know that, she just didnt have the courage. the will. the STRENGTH. she didnt have the strength to do that but she was stronger than me at the job and in most other areas of life. DAMN.

even though doc martins wife is a huge stubborn in the wrong bitch, she STILL makes SOME sort of effort to spend time with him and not abandon him completely hahaha. this is no doubt giving him some sort of hope. just her being around. as uncooperative and bitchy and wrong as she is.

i like how there is the gang of hawt mean gurls in the town who all make fun of doc martin and call him a pervert and a tosser and they dress like sluts and act like total cvnts. even though hes not a pervert at all, just an autist.

 

 

A HORRIBLE MISUNDERSTANDING, NOT A HORRIBLE BETRAYAL / I DIDNT DO ANYTHING HORRIBLY WRONG / WATCHING A TRAIN WRECK IN SLOW MOTION

0121

shit had a damn dream where that woman played a PROMINENT role. here we were getting along and actually hanging out, but she had a boifran, kinda sorta. the implication was that she had been available, then some confusion whether or not she was dating a guy, and she probably was. kinda like what happened in real life. i was unsure of her status because i was too pussy to talk to her about it. and so i did some mild facebook stalking instead. really didnt need to go too deep there tho.

anyway in dream she was starting dating with a white badboy, well he was more of an alpha toughguy than me, which is not hard, and had some decent natural game. hard to tell if he would end up being a deadbeat or cheater. inconclusive. anyway at this time i had feelings for her and didnt want her to date this guy, but rather me. i was hanging out with them BOTH and i got along with the guy ok. but i was getting more passive aggressive, btichy, and beeta towards the gurl. i was feeling that i just should come out and tell her i like her before i do something stupid. around that time the dream ended.

it was different than reali life in several important ways: one, i was hanging out with her and had access to her.

two, there were times i did hang out with her and her and BF1, and i got along with him, but this was Before The Change. I wanted them to resolve their issues, i didnt like like her or want to steal her or want the rel to fail so i could swoop her up. thought maybe she thought so and thats why she hates me.

also i was much more passive aggressive in the dream than IRL, where i was more just passive pathetic.

anyway that sucked, i hate dreams with women and she was in this one a lot.

a big point that i have not made so much hahahahaha is that I DID NOTHING WRONG. when someone TREATS you like you did something horrible wrong to them, and then they hate you, well you would not be blamed for feeling guilty, like you did something horribly wrong to them, made some horrible mistake. cuz thats exactly how they are treating you.

so it takes a lot of work to convince myself of the truth that i did NOT do something horribly wrong.

cuz im genereally nice to people, there are not a lot of people who HATE me the way she does. i do not like being HATED. i dont do such terrible things to people to cause me to be hated. so when im hated, and treated like i did them horribly wrong, then i feel terrible. like i DID do something horribly wrong.

and it has taken a lot of time and effort to realize, wait a minute, maybe SHES WRONG, shes misunderstanding, i actually did NOT do anything wrong.

when i was rejected by other women, they didnt treat me like that. it was obvious they just werent into me, simple as that. so i was able to hate them easier, make them the bad guy easier, say it was all their fault easier.

this case, not so much. she hated me and was so angry at me and i felt HORRIBLE!!!!! what did i do that was so wrong! it HAD to be SOMETHING, to make her so upset! how can i make someone so important to me HATE me without even trying!

when in fact its “just” her misunderstanding it royally.

she could have chosen to sit down at the table with me and get my side of the story. i was more than willing to see her side of the story. i made great efforts to see the situation from her perspective. empathize. put myself in her position. imagine why she hated me so much. because i was CHANGING, and therefore her perception of me had to change, and she didnt want me to become a person who had interest in her. i was no longer safe and soft and predictable and trustrworthy. i was now a MAN with DESIGNS on SECS. but really it was so much more than that. and i COULD still be trusted. but good luck in making somebody understand something when they dont want to understand it.

but yeah when your once close friend treats you like you did something horrible to them, and hates you, you feel bad for it, and think, oh god i wish i hadnt done that horrible horrible thing. and then trying to come to terms that what you did wasnt really bad, and that is a error of judgement on THEIR part. them being compromised and unwilling. people have been doing this forever, its nothing new, and not even very complicated, but when it happens to you, in the context of Luv, its ridic tough to convince yourself that youre not the bad guy, that you in fact did nothing wrong, even though the other person thinks you did.

especially when like me you are concerned with taking responsibility, and taking blame, and assigning responsibility, and overanalyzing relationshits. hahahaha.

so yeah that dream sucked cuz its like seeing her again.

and its a daily yearly struggle to convince myself that i didnt actually do something horribly wrong. there wasnt some one big sin that i committed. she overreacted the fook out of this. and then i guess i overreacted to THAT by ruining my own life.

but i would argue that the nondegenerate proud white K selected Family Man Against Time is one that develops deep feelings for women, rather than treating people like …………. disposeable garbage.

well she didnt see it as her treating me as garbage, she saw it as giving that horrible asshole his just desserts for betraying me!

she wasnt THAT paranoid! she trusted her boifrans and was loyal to them!

maybe it is because she was so burned by her most recent shorter term boifran. he actually betrayed her and broke her heart. so that probably made her much more paranoid of men. of course i knew very little of that whole relship.

anyway if she were looking for a man right after the BF1 breakup……shit i just dont know enough about how things happened! i know she knew BF2 prior and may have sort of been friends with him….how come he could make the transition from friends to lovers without her going crazy and accusing him of betrayal? well because she was TINGLING for him, he had that alpha charm which women LUV, which i dont have so much.

shit. what she did to ME was closer to BETRAYAL than what i did to her, yet ME, in MY horribly emotionally compromised state, can STILL recognize that she didnt REALLY betray me, that it was just a horrible horrible MISUNDERSTANDING!!!! even though i was hurt by her WAY more than she was hurt by me! and really i SHOULD HATE her and blame her and never have it cross my mind that i did anything wrong!

but i know she didnt BETRAY me, she was just confused and overreacting and misunderstood! i wish she could have shown me a fraction of the Empathy or even Sympathy that i showed her!

this was so devastating and horrible and life ruining for me that i want to take SOME kind of lesson out of it. but the lessons seem so simple and cliche that it just wasnt worth going thru something so painful to get THESE lessons. like finding the pot of gold at the end of the rainbow is just 1 penny. its something…..but THATS IT?!?!?!?!?!

also it was so painful because i simply had not been this close to a woman in years. i was closer to her than i was to the gurls i pseudodated. have i mentioned this hahaha. we had more of a real connection, were actually on the same page, etc.

so its my fault because i should have known better than to GET ATTACHED.

well i certainly didnt get attached TOO FAST. it took me FOREVER to get attached.

but now the mistake i made was not telling her RIGHT AWAY. so i could see that SHE had no feelings for me and therefore TRY to dial it down on my end before i got too far gone.

yeah it was a MISTAKE, but i dont think it was an unforgivable, horrible, huge mistake, or betrayal, like cheating or abuse. besides i also changed my behavior to her pretty much immediately. mainly with more texting, and saying different types of things to her. if i were intent on HIDING/LYING, i wouldnt do that, now would I???!?!?!?!

and a damn LIFETIME has passed, i should be over it, im kinda stagnating now, its like a dull pain that never goes away, and yet i know that she is over it and enjoying her life and being respected at our job and continuing to make decent money.  and 191 days later i am still obsessed.

and i am convinced she doesnt deserve to be respected at the job because she is in the bottom tier, she doesnt really understand the shit, she just parrots shit efficiently but doesnt really know how to solve problems.

but thats all you need, plus this is an unfair judgment on my part, because the company doesnt train people, and it was only through developing an unhealthy obsession that I made the effort to become one of the smart people. shit is very cliquey and if you arent friendly with the right people youre screwed. and none of this is fair and its not fair for me to criticize her for it. fine.

i was just bitter butthurt that the default position was unrespected incompetent idiot, and you had to make great personal sacrifices in order to get ANY respect and gain ANY competence. i made those sacrifices and got that respect, and i was angry that she was also getting respect without the sacrifices. i mean shit just being in that hellhole SHOULD have been enough of a sacrifice, but it wasnt. you had to go home and STUDY on your free time in order to get BETTER. i did that, she didnt. i wouldnt blame anybody who didnt! they had families and children!!!!

i thought she was getting respect just because she was a young purty gurl, from all the Thirsty 40+ year old divorced and/or lonely men hahahaha who were willing to help the damsel in distress. white knighting hahahaha.

and so i would quiz her to see if she knew the shit i knew and of course she didnt. i got a little passive aggressive but im not even sure she noticed, if anything she interpreted it as me going crazy from the job. which i kinda was. but i was also going crazy because of her too.

also we were in kind of different cliques. i would have preferred that we both picked the same clique hahaha. well sometimes the cliques choose you. esp if you are a young purty gurl. then all the cliques are competing for you hahahaha.

i fell in with a clique of Smart Young Kool Kids. im not even sure what her clique really was. somewhat creepy “thirsty” older men? like even older than me? with some known cheaters and scumbags in there. again i dont even know for sure becuase she was already closing herself off.

its hard to JUST ACCEPT that somebody doesnt want to be part of your life anymore. i still havent JUST ACCEPTED it. i figure it will take at LEAST a year to get to that point, maybe 2.  however long it takes for the memory of someone to die. doesnt help if you see them on facebook, in dreams, or god forbid IRL.

just having real trouble getting over this. STILL want to contact her. i 99% prob wont, but still a constant temptation. after 157 days no contact. FOOOOOOOK. this is what Bad Closure does. takes you THAT much longer to get over it. i “only” had feelings for her for 10 months, but its gonna take WAY more than 10 months to get over this!

because we had an actual real relationship in the form of a real friendship, and then the horrible way it ended.

weev. have i come out and said that i like weev and support him? kewl guy. super alpha tho. he absolutely SLAYS the pvssy. certainly went thru a degen phase because what young man is gonna turn down hordes of young qts throwing themselves at him? he was too busy drowing in pvssy to be able to realize that Womanizing Is Degen. I cant really fault him for it. it doesnt degrade him nearly as much as it degrades the women. most of whom were prob already too far gone anyway. like the feminist troll shanley kane (name?). she used to be racist and she hooked up with weev and he taught her how to troll effectively and now she broke troll ethics and trolls men out of their tech jobs just because they are men and she hates men because she prob had a bad rel with her father, and “slept with a lot of assholes.” and she has since become an antiracist sjw feminist. weev understandably shakes his head and regrets being with her and teaching her trolling skills.

but it is a shame that he is unhireable because of his political beliefs. especially when he has the hard tech skills to make GOOD money. it takes a special kind to get that good. you need to be obsessed and focused and basically teach yourself to code starting at age 12 or earlier. i was first introduced to code at age 17  (BASIC?) and i got an A in the class, but….i was unable to connect it to Actual Paid Coding Work and What Coders Do.

I later learned a lot more coding at age 27 or 28, getting twice as deep at least, and still…..same problem. what can i really do with this. how does my C++ tic tac toe program translate into the real world. took 2 classes in C++, 1 class in visual basic, 1 class in SQL and databases, 1 class in ASP.NET, 2 classes in “web design.”. and I got all A’s, and still feel like i got nothing real out of it. like 24 credits down the drain hahahhaha.

also the shit was so frustrating. almost as frustrating as muh tech support job. going over the stuff over and over trying to find logical errors. not knowing how to do stuff efficiently. never really understanding anything.

which is why im skeptical about “TEACH KIDS TO CODE!!!!” like it opens up a whole new world of opportunity for them. maybe it is, if they get into it young enough, and then become autistically obsessed with coding from ages 10 to 70.  but i gave it a fair shake and didnt really get anything out of it. we got as far as like pointers and dynamic memory and queues and stacks and classes and polymorphism and stuff that seemed pretty hardcore…..but it wasnt. it was frustrating and went nowhere. it did not have any relevance to muh tech support job where i made better money than i even made before. and now i have forgotten it all.

no i was not some bigshot making 18DAH either hahahaha. but i was actually making more than 12DAH believe it or not! as someone who was used to making 10 DAH it was a huge step up. i still cant beleive it.

besides you can just get an h1b indian with a Masters in Coding to work for half the price of an american. teaching 30 year olds how 2 cout >> helloworld.output(); is not going to do shit. They will still be working for 10 DAH at the insurance company call center O GOD telling people their claims are denied but i cant explain why and i cant let you talk to the person who made the final decision, and we cant appeal that, so sorry your kid/mother has to die of cancer. next caller please.

and i certainly dont have the initiative and drive and AGENCY of those indians with the masters degree, traveling a world away from their families, to make shitty money, thats still better than the even shittier money theyd make back in india. working for jooish proejct managers and VPs and department heads who dont know technical shit at all and just want you to make sense out of the un make sense out of able. for 80 horrible hours a week. this is what you left your family in india for. but thousands of them do it. i would K myself!

so you have to be special to get hired as a white american coder. young and special. not just good, but best of the best. and i think weev has those kind of skills. i certainly dont. though i can certainly code better than the average prole hahahaha. i just cant DO anything with it.

enemy outlets like gawker say weev mixes lies with the truth and sometimes adopts fake or temporary identities, like becoming a mormon for a few months. but this is prob just gawker smearing the rightist racist; also he got a huge swastika tattoo on his chest which is usually a sign of legit committment hahahaha. unless that was just a photoshop. pretty sure it wasnt though.

i just mention him becuase he is a mini celebrity on the TRS forums and just kind of a mini celebrity in general, and also kind of a high profile Uncloseting in a field where people are pathetically leftist but they really shouldnt be. in fact i am certain there are plenty of Coder Shitlords, but they keep their mouth shut because they know exactly how vulnerable they are!

but someone who has an actually very valuable moneymaking skill, then comes out under their real name as a hardcore WN, i have great respect for.

or even people that DONT have great moneymaking potential.

so why dont I do it? ive essentially got nothing to lose. i could do something real for the movement.

but could i really? at best i would be “just” another daily stormer. not crapping on DS, i could not even approach that level right now. and who knows, maybe anglin was making shitloads of money and then gave it all up to become a huge WN under his real name, to get harrassed by feds and shills and living on d’nations and not having a real home.

anyway my point is, its harder to give up shitloads of money to come out of the closet, rather than be a neet loser like myself and come out of the closet hahahaha.

do actual neets go to the Gym every day like i do?

http://www.latimes.com/nation/la-na-daily-stormer-interview-20150624-story.html

https://archive.is/VCGBc

andrew anglin sets the record str8 in march 2015

i would link directly to him because atm i believe hes a good guy and deserves dnations. i just dont want him to know people are getting to his site thru me. but i encourage u to visit dailystormer and give him some money. i think this asian sex scandal is a bunch of bullshit.

anyway yeah it is CREEPY to be obsessed with a woman, and understandably makes her very uncomfortable. but really she never KNEW how obsessed i was with her, therefore good karma for me hahahaha. she knew i had strong feelings for her, she hated me for betraying her image of the Safe Me, and that was it. if i were obsessively stalking her and sending her messages every day, maybe. but i didnt. but i send her 3 emails during that time, 2 of which were SUPER LONG. in fact, even just that last email was SO LONG that just that ONE email would be CREEPY. NOBODY sends an email this long unless they are OBSESSED.

WRONG! no one writes a years worth of blog posts unless they are obsessed!!!!!!!

but i am not showing these to her, i dont intend for her to read them. i hope she DOESNT! ive never told her about this. never would. its mainly catharsis for me. and good lord do i need a LOT of catharsis and self soothing ALL DAY ERRY DAY. hehehe all my free time is spent self soothing hahahaha. i should have done the same while i was working. rather than coming home and studying and worrying i should have been self soothing. well what i did sometimes was take a ton of MJ, that was pretty soothing, and THEN go study.

and I think the MJ helped. Ideally I would have just gone to the Gym but i was too scared to sign up.

but i was ALWAYS worried about it. i COUDLNT self soothe unless i were getting Blazed and perhaps going to BED at 8 pm and watching king of the hill was really the best. but then as soon as you get in bed you worry about the shit thats gonna happen the next day. the weird phone calls, the unknown unknowns, and you flailing and thrashing and pretending you know what youre doing, working to put on a face and say everythings gonna be ok.

and you try to get support from your friend who once supported you but now they think youre too much to handle and they are now turning away from you. and you are watching the TRAIN WRECK IN SLOW MOTION. we were both in denial but i was expressing more concern and worry abotu it, like whats happening between us, i know we can get along again, lets just please communicate with each other, im worried about losing you bla bla bla. it would have been nice if SHE expressed more of that kind of concern, rather than ambivalence. show some concern or luv through kind words at least. NOPE.

so what. so that happened. now we move on right.

so, a relationship destroyed by a tragic misunderstanding. you cant just say the rel would have been destroyed anyway. sure it would have to END, but it would end in an honorable way like having a funeral for a beloved person, as opposed to a dishonorable death of a traitor being killed execution style. machine gunned into a mass grave. a violent, ugly, brutal death for a dishonorable traitor. i dont think i deserved that! i deserved the honorable funeral!

not to say i was perfect. i did do some things wrong. namely by being cowardly and beeta and not saying something RIGHT AWAY. but that kind of cowardice and covering up is a LOT different than pretending like youre not having an affair on your wife. with the TRULY horrible things like that, you try to cover up the evidence because you dont want the truth to come out.

i DID want the truth to come out and was giving hints as much as i could!

do i have to explain how getting feelings for someone is NOT like cheating on someone?

but she considered it a betrayal of the friendship and she was just completely unwilling to listen to my side of the story.

just a very unique situation which i have never faced before and which many people actually do NOT face.

im not sure how many people have fallen in luv with a friend. maybe half of people? prob a little LESS. 40% lets say. most people fall in luv with people they are “dating”, ie people they had secs with soon after meeting. ie, the idea of secs was always on the table from the very first meeting. that was the driving force, not the idea of friendship and getting to know a person.

ok. so of that 40% that have fallen in luv with a friend….how many of those were rejected? probably at least 60% of them. BUT I would say the vast majority of those rejections (90%) were done in a proper, good, friendly, adult way, like AW IM SORRY!

so, 10% of 60% of 40% of people have gone through what i gone through. hahaha. so, starting with 100 people, thats, 40 people fell in luv with friend, .6 * 40 or  24 of THEM got rejected, and 2.4 of THEM got rejected BRUTALLY. BTFO.

hehe so i am the 2.4%. actually i was hoping it would be more like under 1% hahahaha. becuase i want to be a special snowflake.

i mean most people have been rejected and heartbroken. at least 75% of people.

and at least 75% of those have experienced a BAD heartbreak, ie cheating, betrayal, anger, lies, hate, bad karma, abandoning, rather than just good heartbreaks, ie, person dumps you in a polite, proper, civilized, good karma way (“im sorry this just isnt working for me, youre a good person, im sorry to dump you.”)

so that is 56.25% of people have experienced a BAD heartbreak. which is essentially all this is. so maybe im even LESS of a special snowflake. hahahahaha.

well its a special kind of BAD heartbreak because it came resulting from falling in luv wiht a friend. and THAT is closer to 2.4%.

people talk about “high energy” and “low energy” in 2016, it was becoming a meme in 2015 and its reaching its peak now as a minor meme. i am most definitely LOW energy hahahaha. this is bad. this makes you unattractive to women, employers, clients, and friends. low energy = loser hahahaha. total neet loser.

 

google got feelings for friend now they feel betrayed

hmm nothing good.

google its not betrayal its a misunderstanding.

not much. the trope of “ITS NOT WHAT IT LOOKS LIKE!” where you walk in to find your wife in bed with julio the poolboy. ITS NOT WHAT IT LOOKS LIKE!

in this case, it was EXACTLY what it looked like. i was acting like i was in luv with her, becuase i was in luv with her!

certainly she observed me and thought “he’s acting weird, like he likes me all of the sudden. and hes been acting like this the past few months and hasnt been stopping.”

did it ever occur to you that it was exactly what it looked like?

so the misunderstanding wasnt in that. it was in that that was bad. that that was a betrayal of a friendship.

a betrayal of a friendship is stabbing your friend in the back. selling your friend out. really leaving them hanging when they needed you and asked for your help.

if a male friend fell in gay love with me, i wouldnt think of it as a betrayal. especially if they were giving me weird hints. i might say, IS EVERYTHING OK? IS THERE ANYTHIGN YOU WANT TO TALK ABOUT OR TELL ME. You seem to be very worried. whats up. what do you want to tell me. are you in gay luv with me or something hahahaha, ease into it with a joke.

or if i strongly suspected her of being in luv with me.

for a while i weakly suspected her of maybe liking me, but that also came from confusion and inexperience that i didnt know what it felt like for women just to be nice and sweet to me. i automatically thought it meant they liked me.

put it this way: if she was giving the same strong hints I was giving her, I would have confronted HER in the gentle kind open manner described 3 paras above.

google betrayal or misunderstanding

results in a bunch of degen and stupid FANFICTIONS of elves fooking each other and bois dressing as animu gurls. ok…..

http://www.cracked.com/blog/5-ways-youre-accidentally-making-everyone-hate-you/

QUOTE:

If you’re confused, think of it this way: If you apply for a job, which is worse — a rejection letter, or no reply at all? The former is bad, but the latter is dismissive, and that’s a thousand times worse. (Note: By far the angriest reaction I get to hate mail is when I don’t reply at all.) That’s how some people take your failure to speak to them — like you didn’t even open their resume before tossing it in the trash.

 

See, there is an old saying: Hate is not the opposite of love. Apathy is. For many people, you’d be better off telling them to f00k off, because at least then you’re acknowledging that they matter.

END

yes very cliched but at this point i need to read the cliches and believe they are true. that i didnt do something horribly wrong. that she just fundamentally misunderstands this. not sure if i believe apathy is the opposite of luv tho. cuz i am sure she hates me AND she doesnt want to tell me to f00k off. dont hate me! dont hate me for an unfortuante but natural part of life!

http://www.thefriendshipblog.com/forums/topic/just-been-friend-dumped/

uhh pretty sure i linked this before but its a good one.

http://webcache.googleusercontent.com/search?q=cache:http://www.thefriendshipblog.com/forums/topic/just-been-friend-dumped/

i will not let this page die!

https://archive.is/ERPtR

2 cached versions for ya

or when women say youre clingy even though you dont think youre being clingy. then they tell you youre clingy then block you hahaha leaving you heartbroken. hhahahahaha. yep. only imagine that happening after 3 good years.

NO it wasnt 3 good years. it was at MOST 2 GOOD years. more like 1.5 good years because for the first few months i knew her i wasnt really friends with her, i just got along with her. it takes a while to become official friends. you need to know them. official friends is by DEFINITION a long term thing.

anyway i cant even being a woman and having OPTIONS. i could see how that could help you get over something. if i had OPTIONS right now, i would then hang out with those women, demonstrate that NAWALT, etc, and maybe get over things. i mean i have Processed everything and Faced a Flood of pain. now i’m just STUCK in a RUT. and having OPTIONS might help me get out of that rut. some random young QT being nice to me and maybe i could get HER off my mind, when she doesnt need to be in it any more.

this is not to be confused with women dating new guys within a few days or weeks of ending a rel. TAKE AT LEAST 6 MONTHS BABY, I DID hahaha

i dont think SHE took 6 months before ending it with the long term BF1 and starting with BF2. but thats becuase women ALWAYS have options at all times, and at this time its prob a tough temptation to resist.

WOMEN HAVE OPTIONS AT ALL TIMES, MEN NEVER HAVE OPTIONS EVER. hahahaha.

and that is right, natural, and just becuase of how we are BUILT. MY beef is when the women FLAUNT it. its like a superrich man in super expensive clothes swaggering past a bunch of poor bums.

or, somewhat different, a person who goes to a buffet and eats THE WHOLE THING and becomes 10000000 pounds. kinda like the gluttonous man in month python meaning of life.

its like me denying and abusing my white male privilege hahaha. women have sexual choice privilege. this is much more obvious and real than white privilege hahaha. no but it really is.

but yeah the whole reason i cant stop thinking about her is I STILL WANT HER. I WANT TO GET BACK TOGETHER WITH HER. not that i was ever really “together with” her in the first place, but we were close. i wish we could be close again, and then we could have a fun good friends hangout session, then i tell her about my feelings, and she is favorable to it.

would i still want her back if i were giving it to some young qt gurl?

well maybe. hahahahaha. maybe i just need more time hahaha. you never stop wanting them.  until you avoid them completely for like 2 years. that might be the rule hahaha.

yeah. to STOP WANTING THEM takes FOREVER. at least 2 years. and usually need to find someone new around that time too.

heh. i just hate how women can get over men SO FAST. like they never meant anything to them at all. or maybe thats just me hahahaha. and just move through men so quickly: meet, start hanging out, start having secs, date for a while or less, break up, get emotional, meet another man or start fooking another man in their stable, etc, repeat this cycle 3 or 4 or 5 times a year, it sounds not only EXHAUSTING, but also grim and nihilistic to go through “relationships” so damn FAST. at least dont have SECS with ALL these guys.

http://www.loveshack.org/forums/transitioning/friends-lovers/565762-feelings-close-friend-can-t-move

LS has this great “FRIENDS AND LOVERS” subforum which seems tailor made for me. people falling in luv with their friends.

misunderstandings are very common cuz women give nothing but mixed signals all the time. it gives men such grief. really you just have to be alpha and take what you want. i would say just charge ahead until she says STAAHHHHHHP. and even then 50% of the time it doesnt mean STAHP, they still want to get fooked. what a bunch of high number degenerates hahahaha. theyve just taken too mcuh cok.

http://www.loveshack.org/forums/transitioning/friends-lovers/565061-pursue-drop-strung-along-going-insane

just reading about the mixed signals drives me crazy. 19 years old and the gurl is already RUINED FOR LIFE. so sad. and niceguys like this pay the price for it.

there are a lot of degenerates on LS who see nothing wrong wiht promiscuity and having secs early and cheating on your spouse because legit reasons. so be careful. some of these people need to be judged and shamed for degen beaviour.

http://www.loveshack.org/forums/romantic/marriage-life-partnerships/infidelity/365269-things-every-wayward-spouse-needs-know

http://www.loveshack.org/forums/breaking-up-reconciliation-coping/coping/565124-suicide-because-man-can-t-attract-women-2.html#post6727186

QUOTE from user buddhist

Quote:
Originally Posted by Curious-One View Post
Dont ever judge someone until you walked a mile in their shoes.

Nobody can really understand how OP feels…many of you make it seem like its not the end of the world but only OP know what it truly feels to be in his situation.

buddhist:
Nice cliche but no cigar on this one. One in four people become seriously depressed in their lifetime, perhaps not over the exact same issue, but depression feels the same no matter the cause of it. I’ve been depressed to point of planning my own suicide. Hence why I think I can speak on the matter. It took me over 5yrs to come out of a 10yr depression cycle. Thats one third of my life feeling like the OP does. I’ve walked more than a mile in his shoes thanks.

I also know that no matter what anyone writes here it’s all going to feel like a ‘sucks to be you’ sentiment to the OP. He has lost perspective, that’s what depression is all about. It’s blowing a problem up huge by obsessing about it until life loses it’s flavour in all directions and a sense of hopelessness sets in. I also know that when you are in a depressive cycle you are generally clueless about how you are coming off to other people and don’t understand why others distance themselves. It feels like a conspiracy, unjust, unfair behaviour. Yet it’s not until you are beyond depression that you see yourself in others and think…..of course! I wouldn’t want to be around that either.

What depressives generally do is argue their point until it’s a dead stinking maggot infested horse. Whenever someone offers a solution or insight, they argue why that person is wrong. They don’t move from their perspective or consider other points of view. They are wilfully intent on proving why their perspective is the right one. We’ve seen plenty of that in this thread.

END

hehehehe

the distressed people truly write some LONG posts. it means they care a lot and are in a lot of pain. reminds me of the LONG emails i wrote her. now these strangers posts are TLDR for me, but im glad to see im not the only one who writes LONG stuff when having trouble wiht a person.

http://www.loveshack.org/forums/romantic/marriage-life-partnerships/infidelity/41340-pain-death-vs-pain-infidelity

interesting thoughts here. took nyquil, too lazy to describe. comparing grief of end of rel to grief re death, which i have done as well, concluding that end of rel is almost worse because you know they are alive and happy without you, also someone dying has no agency, they arent choosing to throw you away. this person makes the interesting point. but its a diff situation: a good marriage that ended too soon due to death. and a bad marriage with a cheating wife that ended not a moment too soon! his cheating wife was a real piece of shit, which will help him get over her more quickly. but the mans dead wife, they were soulmates who luved each other, and he was devastated to have the love of his life die of a brain tumor. it will likely take him much longer to get over it!