TO AN OMEGA, BETA IS ALPHA

aug 21

heh. on a sunday. get two rejection emails on a sunday for the hospital that i am interviewing at tomorrow. from the same woman i will be talking to tomorrow. thats always a confidence builder. get rejected for two jobs by a person the day before you are going to interview with that person for a third job. i mean the jobs seem about in the same ballpark of skill, except the one tomorrow is part time. maybe i am only qualified for part time jobs at this point in my life hahahaha.

the good LORD is inviting me to listen to this GRIS album finally. i really am looking for something slightly more atmospheric than depressive per SE, but “atmospheric” is kinda a big umbrella that arguably gave rise to BOTH “blackgaze” AND “depressive”. Gris is often lumped in as DSBM but they seem to be also More than that, so at the end of the day, “atmospheric” might be the more accurate genre hehehe. i hear their other album is good too. they are known for good songwriting. good for them.  i listened to 20 seconds of this one and 20 seconds of that one, and decided I liked the production on this one better. the other one was more trebly black metal, not bad though. i hope there are SOME blast beats in there.

two fookin interviews tomorrow, what do i look like, a damn machine.

gris album sounds promising. really bass heavy, i was surprised by that. its not bad, just weird. was hoping for a heavier guitar sound tbh. the vokills are really good though. very pained agonizing niege-like screaming, i guess this is sorta “DSBM”-y.  but the music seems Sophisticated and a bit Progressive without being too Alternative Shoegaze Postrock. i mean these guys USED to wear corpsepaint 10 years ago hahahaha. GOOD.

damn 11k a year part time job, i shouldnt even be preparing for this interview. they reject me for every other high school GED job though.

i have applied to FORTY-EIGHT jobs at this hospital in the past 4-5 months, and this is the FIRST interview i have gotten from them. unbelievable. see i wasnt surprised that my degree was useless, but i thought the Reputation of my Well Reputed School would be able to get me one of these High School Graduate jobs and not have to apply to 48 of them with the first interview being for a crummy 11 dollar an hour part time job, hehehehehe. i knew the degree was useless, but I didnt think it was THAT useless, and I thought the name recognition was worth more too.

IM SORRY. MY FAULT. I WAS WRONG, YOU WERE RIGHT.

I thought the name recognition alone would get me a 12 dollar an hour full time job EASILY.

NOT EVEN CLOSE.

well theres a lot of factors here, like its not like i just graduated. i am not a Recent Graduate at all! plus i have a Long Gap of Unemployment where I was obviously not going to University!

the other interview tomorrow pays a lot moar and is a lot closer. you could actually live off this and have a FAMILY. a WAIFU and HUHWHYTE CHILD or CHILDREN. take out a huge 30 year mortgage and hope your neighborhood stays white and your home does not lose value. good luck with that. because FEDZOG is gonna stick some section 8 houses in there at some point. everywhere hahahaha. i mean its really up to the landlord innit? do they want to take section 8 money or not?

http://www.hud.gov/apps/section8/

heheheheheh

aug 22

well this is a FIRST, I went to the hospital looking all good and did my typing test and got 59 words a minute, not too good but they were only asking for 30 not 60 or 70 or 80 hahahaha. the HR lady was nice and she was like the supervisor is very nice and down to earth, don’t be nervous, i was like, thank you, i dont get as nervous any more hahahaha. but then when we got in there, it took a strange turn, like you are overqualified for this, you will be BORED at this job, bored out of your mind, what were you making at your previous job, i told them, and it was uhhh 3.50 an hour more than what this position was paying. yeah i think that was the finishing fatality right there. i said well i am perfectly fine with “boring” tasks, I like a routine, and also that I was making a conscious effort to branch out past the IT/Computers field, because I hate being in a call center taking calls from angry people all day and getting confused and flustered hahahaha no i didnt tell them that but I almost wish I could!

it wasnt even a real interview but i will count it anyway because i had to get dressed and drive out there and i thought it was gonna be an interview!

there was a super duper qt young gurl in the HR office waiting with me for her interview. no older than 22. ridic qt. but she had brown hair and brown eyes and might have had some nonwhite in her. but i would have gladly betrayed my race with her hahahahahahahaha. i mean i dont SEE qt early 20s gurls like this every day, im not in COLLEGE any more!

and when you are in COLLEGE, you see HUNDREDS of gurls like this every day! its RIDICULOUS! talk about abundance! then when you get out of college, theyre nowhere to be found. i guess they go on to their illustrious careers making more money than me. being challenged. stretched out of their comfort zone hahahahaha.

sheeeeit i would LOVE to be bored on the job. but they caught me off guard and I saw there would be no convincing them. the hospital recruiter said she would forward my name to other departments so that i could be i dunno maybe NOT rejected for the other 47 jobs i applied for at the hospital. then made some remark that i should be focused on “good fit” and not just trying to get any old job, because you dont want to seem desperate. well she said it in a very tactful way so i did not take offense.

there was also a young black gurl in the HR office waiting for an interview who was obv kinda “GHETTO” and did not know how to dress or speak properly. no references hahaha.

so how should i respond to these types of things? tell them, no i dont think i’d be bored? i can’t say i AM desperate and i’ll take anything. i can’t say i’m emotionally unstable and can’t handle high pressure work, so i’d PREFER Boring work. i guess i could Give Them My word that, if hired, I would stay in the position for 1 year minimum and be the best employee they ever had, going above and beyond, well outside of the job description. yeah i guess thats the best thing to say. i would proactively find challenging, difficult, stressful problems to solve, and made sure that it was a struggle to survive each day without blowing my brains out hahahahaha. push myself to the LIMIT EVERY DAY.

its not a real job if it doesnt make you want to blow your brains out! where every day you are tempted to Walk Out and Ragequit or Panicquit without a backup plan!

well i sent the woman a thank you email anyway. waiting for my second “interview” of the day which she would certainly agree is a better fit for me. a computer/IT related job that pays 42k a year. shit to me that is TOO much. I am UNDERQUALIFIED for this one. OVERqualified for the “lab assistant” job. which she described as boring “DATA ENTRY.” I guess I could have told her I am looking EXACTLY for data entry. anything beyond that is too stressful.

I told her, well, the job description was kinda vague, I interpreted this more as an “Administrative Assistant.”

at the same time i did not want to fight with them too much. ok if you really dont want to interview me for this job, then fine. then stop rejecting me for the other jobs!

but i think going out there and taking the damn typing test and presenting myself was worth some Brownie Points, and might get me moved into some Internal Good Boy Pool. Best case scenario hahahaha.

well now i can start smoking ciagarets again hahahaha.

there were 4 people in there for interviews at 10 am on monday. at the hospital. i mean its a bigass hospital.

the unimpressive young black gurl, but good for her for trying to get a Job, but my god my white privilege was embarrassingly visible over her black disprivilege; the super cute 21 year old gurl. she was wearing a knee-length skirt (good) and non high heels (good!) in other words, she wasnt dressed like a business whore or a whore in general, which made me think “LOW NUMBER. LOW N. N<5. GOOD.” but she might have been partially something nonwhite. who knows. maybe she was just Italian or something hahahahahahaha. Trust me, Uncle Adi would totally have given me a pass on this one.  I SHOULD have struck up Small Talk conversation with her. i am sure she was nervous about an interview too.

and now i;m writing this bullshit when i should be studying for my MUCH MORE IMPORTANT INTERVIEW at 1;45.

ok i am back from that. it was OK but for the feeling that i was being rushed along. short and sweet. 45 minutes scheduled for the interview. i started rambling as I often do. well early on they stopped me and said we only have 45 minutes, lets try to keep it short and sweet, and I said “I understand completely. Will Do.”  hahahaha.   i had to answer honestly that I did did not know microsoft spcc. also i am not good at writing my own scripts and would need direction.  the IT supervisor seemed like a Nice Man and he had a huge beard and a keychain that said “#1 Dad”. He was about my age. the other people were HR and or project managers. I tried to go as quickly as I could. they said they were interviewing 3 people. I was very happy with the compensation and benefits. was, am. I got a little nervous trying to answer everything quickly. they even snuck in a “FUN” question about my favorite game or movie or TV show. I said welp I know there are probably a lot of gamers in here, I am not up on modern gaming, but I used to be really good at mario kart 64.

they asked me muh greatest accomplishment and i said gradjooating from Kollige, and also succeeding at my previous position, which was very challenging. a good Personal and Professional Growth experience it was, I said.

forgot to squeeze in the shit I had studied about the department. the 2 million dollar upgrade in 2013 or whatever.

i saw a big command center for some kind of emergency dispatch. there was like a 500 foot tv that is the most expensive piece of equipment in the county hahahahaha. i wonder how much taxpayer dollars went to that monstrosity. that would not be used by the IT department though. I dont think. well really it was like 50 10 foot tvs making up one ridiculously large screen. i mean why not have a projection like a movie screen. this was like a bunch of super large tvs. horry sheet. county executive gets some great photo ops there, and nonunion wagies can bitch about it in the local newspaper disqus comments, where I upvote all the racist and antiunion and right wing and grumpy comments.

so basically the woman from the hospital was saying, dont apply for rinky dink easy 11 dollar an hour part time jobs, it LOOKS DESPERATE.

but you ARE desperate, and also desperate for something that isnt so high stress that you will have another nervous breakdown. these NORMIES dont know what its like to be on the Edge every day!

i mean im not on the edge RIGHT NOW, but when i was working i was! like holy shit i cant handle this, i HAVE TO QUIT.

panic every damn day. not knowing how you are gonna make it through every single day. none of these people i see in interviews are like this. when you are in a state of constant on edge ness, it shows. heh. i probably show that (as well as muh desperation) in muh interviews.

there will be SOME phone work in the tech job that i interviewed for today, but it seems well worth it. there is all ready a “call taker” and we would be doing other tasks than constantly answering phones. plus it pays FOOKING 42 GRAND A YEAR, PLUS BENEFITS LIKE HEALTH INSURANCE, PAID TIME OFF, 401K with like 5% matching. it would be enough to LIVE ON, and have a WIFE, and have your own house not in a section 8 ghetto, and not be ashamed of yourself whenever you meet new people or women.  and proudly announce, I am a 35 year old man who makes 42 grand a year as a bla bla. and things are going pretty well thank you. i am happy where i am at. FINALLY, FOR THE FIRST TIME.

said there are THREE people interviewing. surprised they told me that. so I automatically have a 33% chance going in. well i was nervous and rushed today, so that probably brought me down to my average of 5% chance. (figuring 1 out of 20 interviews will lead to an offer. even if only 3 people are finalists hahahaha.)

i keep forgetting the asian company might call me back for a second interview.

its just….sheeeeeeeit that god damn pseudo interview is starting to rub me the wrong way. just go through the interview, it can be FAST, let me at least talk to the supervisor, but to shut down the interview after 1 question like that was just WEIRD and it really does not sit too well with me! but i realize people make mistakes and fook things up all the time, and i really dont think she was being intentionally bitchy. but shit. ever stop to think i might LIKE or WANT a boring easy job? because unstable panicky weirdos need to work too!

but i dont want to always be the panicky weak weird unstable emotional basket case nutjob who cant handle shit!

the haves and havenots. these NORMIES who HAVE their jobs and wives and normie lives and go to work every day, make 30 grand a year, have health insurance, can afford a home not in a drug crime jungle ghetto, dont want to blow their brains out every day, are not constantly on the verge of a nervous breakdown.

got a call from this testing company today about possible interview. call from actual manager. looked him up on linkedin before calling. got voice mail. left message. would not mind getting this Entry Level Testing Technician job close to home. I think I offered them 13.50 an hour after using glassdoor to get an estimate. however i have no experience. there is talk about lean manufacturing, six sigma, bla bla bla. do they explain those terms to the people who talk about them like they know what they mean? i have NO idea what these terms mean.

lean, agile, scrum, waterfall, its all the same bullshit to me.

but see some of the stuff is NOT bullshit. like Root Cause Analysis. they actually asked me about this in the interview today. I had to tell the truth that I did not have any formal training or work in this, but that I showed the initiative to try to determine root cause on my own because I knew how important it was. but there was no system or procedure. it was more throwing spaghetti against the wall and making it stick. only the top 20% level 1 monkeys even KNEW was root cause WAS. And I dont even know if i know what it really means. but my idea of Root Cause is that it is legitmately, no bullshit, actually imporatnt.

so i tried to bullshit and say, in a good way, that i have no actual training in root cause, but that I know its important and I tried to do it as best as I could without help or guidance or any idea if i was doing it right. like i guess it is an ACTUAL science. theres a right way and a wrong way. sheeeeeeit. that would involve teaching your level 1 wagies BEST PRACTICES rather than just throwing them in the deep end.

again its like fookin feral children. nell. you speak a weird feral language. you learn how to swim with the worst akwardest doggy paddling form. you have TERRIBLE FORM. that makes actually knowledgeable CRINGE. I cant believe we let him get away with that! welp back to our meetings and internet surfing, they have calls to answer.

hehehehe this is almost like low grade post traumatic stress hahahaha.

and that god damn WOMAN doesnt have to do 20 interviews, she doesnt need to know root cause analysis, she doesnt need to do Learning of her own Initiative, and she is a Full Year ahead of me with Work Experience! fooook that bitch! she doesnt need to DO anything because theres always some beta bitchboi who will do shit for the pretty gurl! she never needs to use her stupid brain and can smoke MJ all day! and make fookin 32 grand a year hahahaha.

i make her sound so evil and manipulative and she is not. she was never the type to take advantage of the supplications of white knights. but shit. how could you not, being surrounded by white knights all day.

i would! but i wouldnt “take advantage” of them. if anything i would be the one BEGGING for HELP. PLS HALP MEEEEEEEEEEE IM DROWNINGGGGGGG.

but yeah i kinda wish she CARED about how i was doing. the Year Of Pain where I struggled to Get Over Her, and now this struggle with job search. we used to talk about jobs and how ridiculously hard it was to find a good one. and now she has passed me up and left me in the dust. but not if i got one of these 40k+ jobs!

but nobody wants to hire me becuase i Seem Desperate and have been Long Term Unemployed.  this is the biggest loser a man can be. Jobs arent interested in him and WOMEN for DAMN sure arent interested in him in the LEAST. there is NOTHING more UNATTRACTIVE to a woman than a jobless bum. well, apart from a supplicating, weak omega male. and at least half of them have jobs hahahaha. try being the other half without a job.

and i hate the feeling that she was too GOOD for me, and i wasnt good enough for her.

but these employers are basically saying that i am too good for their 11 dah PT job and shouldnt even be applying!

well then reject me like you rejected me on all the others!

well, THOSE i got rejected because i was applying too INDISCRIMINATELY, and the HR dept NOTICED my SHOTGUN approach. He’s not TRYING hard enough, reject him. but call him in for this mickey mouse job….then tell him he’s overqualified and would be bored. wtf.

see its hard to make any real SENSE out of it, and again, i dont think there IS any lesson to be learned. just keep plugging away. like jack sprat on his fat ugly hambeast of a wife.

i mean i do UNDERESTIMATE myself and think i’m only worth 11 dollars an hour. maybe I AM really worth 42k a year!

well i know im worth AT LEAST 15 dollars an hour because i made that at one time! hahahaha.

but im not worth a nonslutty 25 year old n<4 woman who is chill and not super dramatic. well she turned out to be hahahaha. all women are capable of severe drama. even the ones who seem chill. but you know what i mean. some women are just EXCRUCIATING and OBNOXIOUS after you have spent an hour with them. like holy shit i wouldnt want to date her! its like its SO HARD for a woman to be NICE and PLEASANT and NOT OBNOXIOUS. and she succeeded very well, and that was VERY important to me.

i never had a “FUN” interview question until today. what is your favorite game, movie, or tv show. i smiled and said thats a good question. then told them i listened to nazi fascist white supremacist podcasts erry day, and depressive suicidal black metal, and all sorts of black metal black metal black metal, oh and some death metal and doom metal too, and i dont watch jooish tv or movies cuz all that is jooish filth, i stopped watching game of thrones because its jooish filth, i only watch crime shows and married at first sight and muh fav movies are mulholland drive, i stand alone, and the turin horse hahahahaha. basically really fooked up movies that if you ever saw them, you would think i was a fooked up maniac and completely unemployable.

so you have your NORMIE answers. and i did. i went with normie vidya games like mario kart because i legit loved mario kart 64 back in the day. i also like normie tv shows like breaking bad and jeopardy and king of the hill, and normie music like……tom waits? no, not normie at all. like a bunch of classic rock like led zeppelin and neil young and all that stuff. pink floyd, sure. grateful dead. people USED to listen to the grateful dead at least! i like normie movies like…………………i havent even SEEN a lot of newer normie movies. i like forrest gump and goodfellas and…. i cant even say kubrick cuz only WEIRDOS like kubricks WEIRD movies. im a movie buff or used to be, i swear….i just like weird movies 4 unemployable weirdos!!!!! shall we craft customized cover letters whilst watching the turin horse hahahahaha.

and the next time i actually WATCH turin horse i will probably be like yeah this movie IS totally overrated, I cant believe i fell for such obvious BULLSHIT. this is SO pretentious and bullshitty. you really do need to be in the mood for that one, hahahah.

also i am a white nationalist and a woman hater, hire me hahahahaha.  but i have VERY GOOD people skills and problem solving skills. no im not married and no i dont have any kids. THAT I KNOW OF, HAHAHAHAHAHA. but seriously folks. i havent been with a woman in over 10 years, for more than 4 weeks, EVER. hahahahahaha.

did 5 mile powerwalk. listened to some more of that gris album. the vocals are pretty much ideal and what i would try to do if i could write black metal type music. i love the tortured scream type vocals. but i guess i was looking for something with slightly catchier riffs and a somewhat diff guitar tone. i like the prominent bass and the bass playing is very catchy and the bass tone itself is great…….and i like for example opeth morningrise that has crazy bass….but i dunno it needs to be turned down a little bit, and the guitar turned a little up. but the vocals are pretty much perfect. love that style.

now going to try this album by saor

which is atmospheric black metal with folkish pagan bits where the folk element is scottish/scots type stuff. i of course luv scotland and scots and have yet to hear some “atmoblack” with that particular element. give it a try. the guy from panopticon playing drums. should probably give panopticon a try too. i like the idea of one guy in damn kentucky being a one man black metal machine. atmoblack hahahaha. i luv the idea of atmospheric black metal, but lets keep the hipster blackgaze stuff to a minimum however. but atmospheric black metal has been a thing since the early 90s.  and i have been a huge fan of “hvis lyset tar oss” and “filosofem” for many, many years.

you can be really “progressive” with black metal or you can be really “regressive” and it still works. now i dont like progressive anything except for a little bit in the musical sense. get really creative. i mean its not easy to do it well. but black metal is just possibly the best type of music hahahaha. IMHO. hehehehe.

heh got up at an almost respectable time of 645 am today. real working mans hours.

 

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GIVING A BULLSH1T NONANSWER IS NOT A RESOLUTION

aug 15

sheeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeit.

hey i appreciate everyone that follows and reads this blog hahahaha. even if you are all just scammers trying to turn your self improvement blog into your JOB. hey i guess im doing the same thing, in a veyr low energy, low effort way.

had interview today for 20 hour a week, 11 dollar job. i will take the job if they offer. they seemed nice. wore blue suit. tried to seem normie. apparently help is available if you get stuck.

intvited to interview for 42k ft job next monday. county IT department. horry sheet. i hate these because i am not worth 42k. i am worth more like 28k or 30k. why can’t they interview me for those jobs. WHY DONT THOSE JOBS EXIST OR GET POSTED?

yo either make 9 bucks an hour, or you make 40k a year. NO inbetween hahahaha.  that is so stupid.

http://www.online-stopwatch.com/cash-clock/

did i link this yet. my new favorite form of countdown clock / stopwatch.

this could seriously provide a LITTLE extra motivation. and that shit is VALUABLE. VALUE-ADDED hahahaha.

i just think its fooking DISGUSTING that you HAVE to bang a broad QUICKLY in order for you to ever have a CHANCE with her. I dont WANT to be with the type of SKANK who BANGS QUICKLY.

just the WAY women “date” is DISGUSTING. So naturally the idea of Dating does not sound fun to me, but rather DISGUSTING. just a bunch of dirty sluts fooking like a bunch of muh dik ingras. god damn. and if you dont fook them like sluts on the first date then you have no chance of having a real rel. and they cant see how stupid and wrong and disgusting it is to fook on the first date (or the 5th date, hahaha.)

just got 2 rejections from same company, including application i sent just an hour ago. damn.

MAYBE they are one of those asshole companies that wont even call you for an inteview if you are not current Employed. i wouldnt be surprised. fook shitcvnt shitphags.

heh. the one rejection I got right now was for “payment processor” for a requisition 2 months ago. i just applied for the same position title TODAY, but different requisition.

i bet that IS what it is. they just outright reject ANYONE who isnt currently Gainfully Employed. Are You Employed Sir. Get A God Damn Job, Al.

its just so weird though. some damn medical healthcare business services company rejects me outright for a damn 14 dah job, but a damn university will call me to interview for a 45k job. wtf. it just doesnt make any sense. i would need a TEAM of phds and attorneys to explain this to me. I couldnt pay enough money to get this adequately explained for me.

i mean they are both “good” companies but they have completely different policies here.

i just apply to this medical payment place regularly because they are close to home, they are big well known corp, and they are regularly hiring for entry level jobs.

in some ways I could be considered “overqualified” (degree from good school, no spelling mistakes in cover letter hahaha, have a linkedin page, why am I applying for a 13 dah job.) but in other ways I am “underqualified” (do not have 3 years working experience in medical payments processing. current unemployed.)

fook the bullshit!

hey i was willing to take her out on an official date. more than willing hahaha.

i should have been better about Reading Her Signals though. she clearly didnt want that, and rather than say no, she avoided it, cuz its harder for her to say no. ok fine i get that.

i dunno the only thing this teaches me is the value of communication. the importance. and i never fail to mention that in every job interview. good communication is absolutely essential. it is the most important thing. before you have good customer service, you must have good communication.

yeah i forgive her, i dont blame her, i sometimes blame myself for being so stupid and weak and foolish. but not as much as i used to hehehe.

its just fookin stupid as fook. everything about it was stupid. just fookin write me an email PLEASE. god damn. LISTEN to what I am SAYING. dont throw this all away in the most disgraceful way possible. show a little damn respect. dignify the relship with dignity hahaha.

interview today was ok. the woman was nice, but she was also more On Point than any interviewer ever, and went through everything. she was very well prepared hahaha. I appreciated that. and the receptionist was very nice to me, saying dont be nervous, the people youll be talking to are very nice. I smiled and said thank you.

hehehe when you are on your 14(88)th interview and its a 20 hour a week job, you just dont get nervous hehehe.

well at least when i have another nice female friend, 7/10, 25 years old, n<4, and we get along GREAT, I know how to handle it better when I fall in luv with her hahaha.

im trying to make the point that I have never made a female friend who was So Dateable. My other female friends, i never had any actual interest in them like that, in fact maybe I found them a little “too slutty” hahahaha. but I did not really judge them on that believe it or not. I was able to appreciate them apart from them being sluts. but I wouldnt want to date sluts like that!

yeah it sounds mean. they were nice people. dating them would have been crazy and bad tho, is all Im saying. in a way that it absolutely wouldntve with That Woman. Who was nice, not crazy, and not slutty.

365 jobs is what muh number is up to now.

i just hate majorly screwing things up. majorly majorly majorly screwing things up. you feel bad, feel a lot of GUILT and SHAME.

5 mile powerwalk.

applied to hospital job using the worst peoplesoft application ever. saw i was “not selected” for a job i applied to 3 days ago. but never got an email notifying me. THANKS. that was for an office assistant job. the one I just applied to now is “administrative assistant 1”. i am sure i will be “not selected” for that too.

it just sucks to go to college and be a 35 year old nevergf neet and you can’t even get an INTERVIEW for an OFFICE ASSISTANT job where you just need a HS education. that triggers and rustles me WAY more than going to an interview and not getting the job. at least then I get SOME confidence, get some experience, get to add to muh pile of interviews. and it tells me i am a finalist, i am one of the 10 best applicants. for a god damn 13 dah office asssistant job. not even an ADMINISTRATIVE assistant hahahaha.

very likely THEY dont like unemployed people too. god DAMN.

so the lesson learned is to REAPPLY to all these places once i get some kind of job, like this 20 hour a week job i interviewed today. way to get ahead of myself. they are interviewing 5 or 6 other people here. so i have like a 16% chance of getting the job hahaha.

i like that cash clock. it makes me feel like im actually making money and doing something productive when i apply for these jobs. like im getting PAID to do job applications. im not of course, but it feels like it just a little bit. like i am making money doing work, rather than just trying to get as low a time as possible! im still doing that too, but now im also MAKING MONEY for it! im not of course but even if i can make it feel like that a LITTLE bit. its a motivator.

as i was doing the powerwalk today i saw a qt young woman. in my neighborhood. i walked RIGHT BY HER. i was caught VERY off guard. I saw her way up ahead earlier on and did a double take, who is that nonfat youngish woman? and then i turned the corner about 15 minutes later and there she was! i hate passing people, but her i sort of looked at her and smiled and said hello, which the friendly normies do. most young attractive women HATE when balding betas do this, its literally rape. but she actually seemed to smile back at me! and i was like whoooooooaaaaaa should i go running back after her and ask her out to dinner? i did not expect that at all. I do not expect niceness or pleasantness from qt young women! And I totally get why! They dont like omega males, never have, never will. I more expect women to be cold and bitchy to me, i get SURPRISED and CAUGHT OFF GUARD when they smile and are nice. I can’t say I dislike it though! It was part of how me and that woman got along so well. she was FRIENDLY to me. she SMILED at me. when I very unused to women SMILING at me. it’s NICE, i LIKE it, but i am totally unaccustomed to it.

i was not wearing glasses so i couldnt tell anything about the woman other than she was not old and she was not hideous and she had a friendly look on her face. when i first saw her i couldnt tell if she was 13 or 23 or 33. if she was 13, thats bad. but i think she was actually an appropriate age. maybe she was an Eastern European Immigrant. if so, EVEN BETTER. real tradwife material!

it was the first time i ever saw her. if i ever see her again, I should ask her out to dinner. or lunch. or coffee. or ice cream. i mean im supposed to take her out for drinks and fook her on the first date if i want any chance at marrying her hahahaha.

anyway it reminded me how qt women being nice to you can make you forget about Other Past Women pretty effectively.

women have the attention of secsy guys all the time, makes it easier for the women to forget about men.

but omega males, we are so used to women being neutral (or negative) to us, that its a little WEIRD to have a woman be POSITIVE to us. but its the type of weird id like to get used to!

never say never again, 1983. sean connery came BACK to playing bond after like a 10 year hiatus. was there a hiatus? or did roger moore not enter until after 1983? i dont know, dont really care, i just thought connery was done with bond well before 83. also, kim basinger was VERY attractive in 1983. i mean shit i would prob still bang her 33 years later…..but she was a total 9/10 in 1983 hahahahahaha.

AM I THE ONLY PERSON ON THE WHOLE INTERNET WHO REALIZES THAT INDEED ALERTS SUCKS!!????!?!?!?!?!?!!

there are NO comments from other butthurt people like me. who can’t FIND the alerts they thought they had, tha

https://subscriptions.indeed.com/

AYOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

TOP SECRET INDEED PAGE INDEED DOES NOT WANT YOU TO KNOW ABOUT, RIGHT THERE!!!!!!

thats ALL I want. A list of ALL my active alerts on ONE page.

of course, there’s no link to EDIT the alerts from this page. that would make WAY too much sense.

searching my gmail TRASH folder for indeed alert EMAILS that contain a CANCEL link at the bottom.

http://www.indeed.com/my/alerts?from=nav

by my GOD, THIS page is the worst abomination EVER. a fooking ABORTION. it doesnt work, it hasn’t worked for MONTHS, and indeed does not care. this kind of OBVIOUS CORNER CUTTING and SHITTY QUALITY triggers me to no end. just because anyone above level 1 can just HIDE BEHIND level 1 indians saying we are so sorry for the inconvenience, but right now there are no plans to implement this feature. HOPE THIS HELPS! and thanks for choosing indeed. and they mark that as a RESOLVED CASE. NO. ITS NOT RESOLVED AT ALL. GIVING A BULLSHIT NONANSWER IS NOT A RESOLUTION. GOD DAMN.

and i hated being in the position where I was the level 1 schmuck who had to give the bullshit nonanswer!!!!!

She didnt care. She just gave the bullshit. she was so stupid she didnt even KNOW it was bullshit. shes just like whatever its a job, lemme just listen to music while i give bullshit nonanswers, cant wait to get out and smoke MJ, set up some chill hangouts with hot bois from tinder and okcupid, its so fun being single and dating for the first time in my life, and im glad to be done with that asshole jerk bitchboi who i thought was my friend but he just wanted to fook me! all men are jerks and liars who only want one thing! well two can play that game! besides he was a 35 year old virgin weirdo, i was WAY out of his league! gross!

and this is why you dont work at a terrible bullshit job with the woman you are in luv with hahaha.

so just go to dinner with the nice qt gurl from the neighborhood, or the qt dark haired woman at the weekly game. i dont see any of these women regularly or consistently, tho. NO EXCUSE!

basically, when i had my easy job from 2008 to 2013, i did not do NEARLY enough job searching. i did pretty good with schooling, in the sense i took a lot of classes that didnt do much. shit i KNOW i had a COUPLE interviews here and there kinda randomly, but i certainly didnt get the jobs. then i got the bigboy job in late 13 because they would hire ANYONE, LITERALLY. they hired a ton and fired a ton.

point is, right NOW, my jobseraching skills are the BEST theyve ever been. in terms of muh system. muh spreadsheet. muh indeed alerts. a few careerbuilder alerts. muh PACKET. muh folders of bookmarks. organization information. email alerts. i didnt have ANY of that before. until NOW really. 2016. current year. yeah thats shameful. but i would often miss out on jobs because i didnt KNOW about them, and i would think ehhhh shit i dont want to dig up addresses and phone number of every employer for goddamn PROFILES you have to fill out. i was way too LAZY about jobseraching when i had that job at that time. then i got the new job and had no time to do anything. just study the shit and try not to panic.

aug 16

heh. i want a BOOK or a 20 hour documentary on what Long Term Unemployed or Long Term Kissless Virgin Nevergf does to men. Neetness. there is the occasional article saying it can lead to despair. NO SHIT. i am looking for something that explores all this in depth. i guess that this is my niche, my calling, the doumentary i must make myself.

i thought about hanging out with that qt random woman and her being nice to me and smiling at me and cuddling with me and i thought HOLY SHIT what a BIG DEAL that would be, that would totally TRANSFORM me, i am totally MISSING OUT on something BIG.

and this is all from getting one small polite smile from a woman where I really couldnt tell how attractive she was.

well she seemed moderately attractive, maybe even the ever Problematic 7/10, otherwise i wouldnt have reacted so positively!

then they say, youre overreacting, its not gonna TRANSFORM YOU, if you got what you wanted, you’d soon find you were unhappy again, because you REALLY need to change something within yourself.

ok FINE. then i challenge you to PROVE me wrong by giving me that chance. give me a nice qt gf for a year and we’ll see if it TRANSFORMS me or not, hahahahahaha. if it doesnt, i will accept defeat humbly.

just GIVE ME A CHANCE.

although admittedly “chance” for me means more than “one strike and youre out.” give me at least 3 strikes hahahaha.

heh. we were both saying PLEASE STAHP to each other. she was saying please stahp pushing me to hang out and please stahp having weird feelings for me, I was saying please stahp avoiding me and ignoring me and not hanging out with me ever.

recipe for disaster.

stupid fookin jobs. so fookin retardedly stupid. i wish i didnt have to deal with this and i could have just lived with HER happily ever after.

but at least now i am applying for jobs and jobsearching with a pretty solid good system, and also sometimes noticing other women and feeling excited when they smile at me hahaha.

starting to think more seriously about focusing intentionally on part time jobs, and using that as a stepping stone to a full time job, because SOME COMPANIES automatically reject you if you are Currently Unemployed. ESPECIALLY if longer than 3 months. which it certainly has been!

in the sense that a little while ago, i was avoiding applying for part time jobs, and saying NO i NEED a full time job……when relally part time jobs are EASIER and they can HELP you in ultimately getting a FT job. so you dont get painted with the brush of “long term unemployed loser.”

this was kind of funny, its sad that kyle and sinead are so god damn confrontational , well especially sinead hahaha. not just confrontational but she insults and disparages good people with good messages. it doesnt have to be this way! you dont have to be such a drama causing bitch!

and kyle really is a handsome man. and sinead has some good, but the bad outweighs the good. i hope sinead is not leading kyle around by the balls, or making him do an open rel, and why for the love of Wodinn dont you just SAY that kyle is your husbando and that he is the father of your child…….UNLESS HE ISNT??????? in other words, sinead is super untrustworthy. but i think kyle can be redeemed, but he has to break free of sineads spell first.

so sad and frustrating to see healthy looking young white people be pro-white…..but mix it up with such stupid shit. they can do SO much better. they even have a sense of HUMOR!!!!

and its SAD that sinead is irreparably damaged. im not even sure how you could fix her. well find her a white man whos not afraid to put her in her place, get many more babies out of her, and keep her away from the internet!!!!! kyle does not look like he’s gonna be that strong man. besides, why would any man  DESERVE such a High Maintenance Handful? A strong man should be able to do BETTER than her, in other words.

but maybe an ex mudshark slut who is totally crazy is good enough for ME, an ex degen whos not a big winner. but i would STILL have to develop a VERY strong hand to keep her in her place!!!! and i dont have that yet! also i am nowhere near as handsome as kyle!

ok its a bit easier to do 28 minute job applications when you are listening to music at the same time. have to do that more reg.

applied for City job, US Attorneys Office FEDGOV USAJOBS job, and uhh hospital job where i have 40 other applications and never an interview. discriminating against the longterm unemployed hahahaha.

sheeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeit. busy day. was getting ready to go to shrink and got call from Electronics Company that I had applied to 900000000000000000 times but never heard a god damn thing. and now i hear from them. why now? why open this job to 500 new applicants every month? how am I in the Elite Pool? was it because I updated the profile to have Muh Packet? they use a Bad Taleo (there is a Good Taleo believe it or not) where its impossible to tell whats really attached to your application.

recruiter gurl talks to me, catches me way off guard, said….holy shit she has 5700 followers on linkedin and has a very powerful linkedin premium account. it is like i am being contacted by the fookin bill gates of Talent Acquisition and Recruiting.

when i am contacted off guard by someone, i always fear that i sound like a rude or distracted asshole or autist. i did the best i could, tried to be as nice as i could, and was able to sched an interview for friday (today is tues.) they wanted me to come in tomorrow. i hate coming in TOMORROW.  (but not as much as much as coming in TODAY hahahaha.) well they were able to acommodate me on friday actually. good. interview with a panel of 3 men. probably will want to test my knowledge of the company. GREAT.

then as i get out of shrink, get a call on my baterry dying phone from the HOSPITAL that NEVER calls me (except to schedule an interview for TODAY or not at all, hahaha.) they say you put 26000 on salary requirements. I said yes but that is very flexible, what is the range for this position (positngs here NEVER say), they say it starts at 11 bucks an hour, i say thats fine hahaha, see you on……cant do friday errrrr how about monday.

so now i interview with hospital monday morning for dumb 11 dollar part time job…….and then BIGGGGGG interview monday AFTERNOON with county for SWEET 42k job!!!

heh. never had 2 interviews in ONE DAY before, i guess this is a turning point eh?

rejection email from county for 26k job DAMN why cant they just INTERVIEW me for these jobs!!!!! applied 6/15, get rejection on 8/16. ok good.

all these olympic athletes have TRAINERS and COACHES. you dont say go out there and figure out how to win a gold medal. you PRACTICE for YEARS with a COACH who TEACHES you BEST PRACTICES.

bitches.

 

 

PUNCH OUT THEN KEEP WORKING

july 1

shit. i hate that you just cant be an ok people person. you gotta be a MASTER people person just to get a 10 DAH job or get some fat slut. if you have the SLIGHTEST anxiety or autism or awkwardness…..1% is as bad as 100%. 2 is as bad as 10 hahaha. all or nothing. no in between.

you have to be all or nothing because the WORLD is all or nothing. jobs, women, life, hahaha.

sometimes  while browsing the indeed list you find a job thats SO GOOD you HAVE to apply for it RIGHT NAO. So go ahead and do that. thats a good thing. like i found one today: day shift, full time, mailroom clerk for large IP law firm. Dayum.

using A Spreadsheet and a Stopwatch to calculate the Exact Average of how long it takes me to do a Job Application.

with 3 down so far, the average is 15 minutes. has varied from 6 to 27 minutes.

this is actually making it slightly more interesting. maybe this is a holdover from my stupid job, where all our calls were timed and we could see a dashboard of how many calls we had each day, average time of calls, total time IN, etc.

i kinda liked improving my numbers. also it gave me some Hard Numbers. of course it also allows the company to Measure More and to crack the whip harder. 20 minutes average call time? get it down to 19 and we save 1 million dollars a year and can give execs moar bonuses and cut more people from YOUR department!

but in general i think the stopwatch is a great idea for THIS, muh job SEARCH, and getting a handle on exactly HOW long it takes to do EACH application, and what a reasonable number of apps per day is. i have been shooting for 8 but that’s cetainly low. but HOW low?

ok well my average is now at 17 minutes. thats with short ones and annoyingly long ones. only have 6 so far. i figure 100 might be a better sample size.

not that i havent already done over 210!!! 232 as a matter of fact. hehe.

today had a first, applied to USAJOBS, something for the army. FEDGOV hehehehehe.

17$ DAH job working with like army kids? child care technician? well in the FEDGOV they make 17 bucks an hour with bennies. GS 04 or some shit.

SO i figured that 5% of applications will get an interview. 1 out of 20. i mean that is ABOUT what its actually been. about 10 interviews for 200 applications.

well REALLY its 9 interviews for 230 applications hahahahahahahaha. but NO, cuz when I HAD the 9th interview last week, I had only about 200 apps in.

ok, so 9/200.

SO, assuming about 5% chance of an interview, it is THEN safe to assume that 5% of INTERVIEWS will result in a JOB. THEREFORE, you have to put in about 400 applications, therefore get 20 interviews, in order for you to get 1 job.

so shoot for 400 applications.

about ABOUT 20 minutes per application, that is 133 hours.

and that is 3.25 weeks of Full Time Work hehehehehe.

and right now I am showing 17 minutes per application, not 20.

why the hell didnt i start measuring this in a spreadsheet EARLIER?

because when you Train Yourself, it takes you MONTHS to stumble on things that a Trainer would show you right away. Best Practices. Best Practices do not always come quickly.

and this is a pretty obvious no brainer. use a spreadsheet as a tracking system to measure Metrics. its not exactly out of left field.

http://bbs.dailystormer.com/t/advice-on-how-to-red-pill-my-fiance/37312/11

this guy does not seem super smart but he is a manly white man who carries a Glock hehehe and doesnt want his qt white gf associating with trash. cuz her friends are trash and her family is trash and she gets the attention of blacks hehehe but she miraculously is not a huge slut. so says the boifran hahaha.

i know that feel, that woman was CLOSE to trash but she was not herself really trashy. she didnt want to be trash so she dumped her trashy friends. i hate to think she thought of ME as TRASH.

well at least TRASH can WORK!!!!!

july 2

horry sheet, interview with the company i have submitted like 14 applications to this year and i NEVER thought they would interview me for anything more than a 9 dah pt job….has invited me to an interview for like a 32k to 46k FT job hahahaha.  so, doing that on thursday. afternoon of courshe hahahaha.

BIG reach here, but……it was kind of a reach just to get the interview!

They are interviewing at least 5 people.

I would prefer something a little less……involved, because I might be better qualified for something Lower, have a better chance of getting it.

I do know the application here had like 5 short answer questions that probably scared all the CASUALS and PUNTERS away hahahaha.

and made the Application Time like 30 minutes instead of 15 hehehe.

what was the manager doing sending emails at 10 30 pm on the friday of Fourth of July Weekend? why wasnt he out of town with his family?

this place has a Unionized Workforce and I thought they were serious about muh 40 hours and not a second more hehehehe.

well there are ways around that, you simply PUNCH OUT THEN KEEP WORKING hehehehehe.

how common is this? for people who want to make themselves look like they do more in 40 hours than they do? really for OT Exempt people its not an issue. then you just work 80 hours for the price of 40 as a general rule hahaha.

i am somewhat interested in the Goth Subculture, but its also kidna degenerate and the women are SLUTS. VERY high number. but they might be willing to help weak sissy beta guys gain experience and confidence in banging bitches, which is always good.

yes, bang those disgusting degenerate high number whores, just for EXPERIENCE and CONFIDENCE. THEN you will have a better chance at getting the women you DO want. there’s a reason they call them PRACTICE gurls. And you can’t get a Decent Woman without PRACTICE. Like like you can’t Win the Championship Game without PRACTICE.

just Wrap It Up and try not to lie too much. like don’t tell the gurl you’re in luv with her, OR that you will marry her, OR that you want a Real Relationship with her. It’s Only About The Casual Secs baby, whatsamatter, dont you think secs is FUN, ya prude?

but yeah i dont think there are any gothic gurls under 30.

also goths like phaggots and nihilism and drugs and are not masculine and all.

i would approach Goth in a way that championed Traditional Victorian Values, and wears a lot of black, and likes melancholy shit, but thats really about all. While also still being Masculine and promoting Morality and Family and Traditional Gender Roles.

at the same time i like gurls who are not super duper girly. That Woman was feminine but she was not super duper girly. in that she was chilled out and laid back and not into Drama. But she kinda was. at the end she couldn’t get out of the drama.

i dont mind minor drama, but major drama needs to be dealt with. women are so attracted to drama that they dont even want to deal with major drama, they just run away from it if its too much. leaving people in the LURCH.

they need a MAN to pull them out of the drama. And I was not man enough. shit i was CAUSING the drama. i didnt know how to FINISH it. well, i DID know that we PROBABLY needed to confront it and talk about it, and she didnt want to do that.

all the more reason I need to MAN UP and say THIS ENDS NOW and MADE her talk to me hehehehe.

so yeah. BIG interview thursday, one of the biggest. the manager has been working there for 12 years and is a (former?) CPA but this job is more in “systems.” he does not have a masters degree but does/did have a CPA and that is about as hardcore as a masters degree hehehehe. fookin tryhard.

applied for job as AP clerk for company, took 23 minutes, brought average up to 16 minutes hahahaha.

i only have 8 jobs in that spreadsheet, i suppose if i had all 230 jobs, it would be a more valid/accurate number.

lets just say the shorter the better. i would like it to be closer to 15 than to 30.

in 1980 it didn’t take you 16 minutes to do a job application (well maybe it did.)

but for DAMN SURE in 1980 you didnt have to do 400 job applications before you found a job!

but its good i have an interview for next week, i didn’t have one this past week. want to have 1 or ideally TWO eery week.

had a dream with THAT WOMAN last night, as i recall it was pretty long but i still dont remember much other than i was spending the night with her, but she was mad at me and we were arguing and i was sleeping on the couch or something. i was scared she was gonna LEAVE ME, that she wasnt willing to work this out. , that she had just Had Enough, it wasnt worth saving to her.

and of course that was what happened! but this dream at least pretended that we were actually Going Out.

I was also starting to care about her family. Cared about her single mother who had a possibly rough life but she was at least a good mother and probably a good person. cared about her brother and sister who seemed really nice and were not promiscuous degenerate drug addicts, they did not even smoke MJ. they just lived clean decent nice lives. Cared about her extended family who she told me about.

and now all of THOSE people were ripped out of my life too, her telling me you’re not allowed to care about them any more, you’re done with ALL of us.

so that was an extra element which made things even more painful. I felt closer to her because I felt I kinda knew her family. again, not something i normally do with women.

she had an older family member who was not in good shape and that was causing her a lot of stress and worry at the same time as our thing fell apart. i felt guilty for Bothering her during such a difficult time. But I cared about the family member too! I shared her pain somewhat! and if she thinks it was all a Ploy to Get Dat Ass, she couldnt be MORE wrong!!!!!!!!

but i totally lost my frame and became weak and supplicating and BEGGING. I should have taken the FRAME of the MAN who COMMANDS respect….not a pvssy weakling who BEGS for respect! you put the foot down and say THIS IS HOW ITS GONNA BE.

hmmm this qt young gurl (7-8 years younger than me, very cute and nice, low number, she got married tho, like at age 22, well good for her hahaha.) sent ME a linkedin connect today and i accepted it. I had seen HER many times but did not ask to connect with her because she might think its creepy i was stalking her. well she is way more successful than me anyway. good career in health admin and is being promoted, moving up, didnt even get a damn masters degree, works with a bunch of other qt young women.  its hard to imagine they will become hambeasts when they are 40 like so many other women.

but they might not also become loving wives and mothers and just continue riding the coch carousel, so yeah, part of that is not becoming a hambeast. gotta look good to pull the alphamost coch. fat hambeasts can only pull thugingras hahahha. i hope SHE becomes a fat hambeast. her mother didnt unfort. her mother still looks bangable. i should bang her mother in horribly degrading ways hahahahahahahaha

heh i set up a 50 cent monthly dnation to bernard chapin. lets see if HE complains about the dnation being too small hahaha. i really dont think he will. he is not that kind of guy tho. I wish he had found a good wife and become a father though. its SAD that at 46 he has Accepted he will always be a MGTOW. he is coming out with his new book “man going his own way.” I mock MGTOW’s now, but not too long ago, I considered myself a mgtow, and uncle bern is the best example of the best of mgtow. he is a very good honorable man and THATS why he needs to stop being a mgtow and become a father! hes not race aware enough, let alone 1488. well, i will stop my dnation if he ever has a keeid with a nonwhite or advocates race mixing hahaha, which i dont think he will.

REVENUE GENERATOR

april 19

i heard ed butowski on fox news who is always talking about Jobs and Unemployment and Hiring and Underemployment and How To Get A Job, and the story was that, long term unemployeds are worse at finding jobs and keeping jobs AND having them be full time jobs, than people who have been unemployed less than 6 months.

so they should just K themselves for being huge loser parasites, hahahaha.

but ed’s advice was, to emphasize how you can PRODUCE REVENUE. That when you go into the interview say that you are specifically a REVENUE PRODUCER.

YES, this IS just a synonym for ADDING VALUE, and by DEFINITION every employee is a Revenue Producer, but the dividing line between gainfully unemployed and K yourself is, KNOWING you are a Revenue Producer.

REVENUE PRODUCER.

It doesn’t even matter if you even ARE or not, just that you SAY you are, and recognize that REvenue Production is important to The Job Gods.

Revenue Producer is simpler a Balder and Bolder way of saying Add Value: I am going to MAKE MONEY FOR THE COMPANY.

ALL Interview Questions should be thought of as Actually Asking HOW CAN YOU MAKE MONEY FOR THE COMPANY and then you answer ALL questions THAT way.

To make more money than the expense of your Pay, it should go without saying.

so, when i lost a sh1tload of money recently at the “higher stakes” table, it wasn’t really a BAD BEAT per se. I made valid mistakes, namely, I called when I should have folded. I paid too high a price, but I indeed did make mistakes. and paid DEARLY.  I was Sucked In. Don’t get Sucked In.

Now, if the Casino Takes Away the Even Lower Better Table, then I’m Stuck With this other table.

BY ALL MEANS, call yourself a Revenue GENERATOR. GENERATOR is an even more employable word than Producer.

REVENUE GENERATOR.

just got back from easter vigil mass. it was 2 hours and 50 minutes long. I was not expecting that. otherwise I would have just gone sunday morning. saw a girl that looked like a younger cuter version of…Girl5. Girl5 was one of the good ones, possibly because I didn’t have the time for her to be a huge rejecting b1tch to me, hehehe. WE might have had 2 or 3 solid “dates”. well, actually just ONE classic Date, using my Number of Dates Reckoning Method.

I liked her and thought she was cute and respectable, and interestingly enough, she seemed to like me, or was at least very friendly to me, and not in the hugeass asexual way Girl7 was. Girl5 was more feminine and probably even heterosexual.

The best chance I had to actually Make Out with her was at a College Party, but I got RAAAAAGING drunk, and then smoked some W33d, then vomited on the side of the house, and was completely incoherent the rest of the night, and escaped the party, knowing I would make no progress with Girl5. And she was a classy moral gurl, she probably didn’t even add a new Number Of Sex Partners that night, even if she was getting Tipsy.

UNfortunately I myself was way beyond tipsy, I was Incoherent.

This was another problem for me, and Proved my Lower Beta Status: Alcohol did NOT really help me talk to Grillz. Normalfags have a party, add alcohol, then Hook Up. You could put me in a room full of drunk girls and nothing would happen, because I was THAT bad at talking to grills at parties. even when I was drunk. there was no “taking the inhibitions off.” there was just total inhibitions, and then total falling-down incoherence, where grills don’t want to talk to you because you’re sh1tface WASTED and can’t even hold a conversation. yep. so that’s embarassing and doesn’t impress the ladies.

so I hid my worst drunken self from her. she went on to enter the SOLID middle middle class: great career in the big city. real weird. she was by far the least annoying, least promiscuous, least b1tchy Career Woman I ever knew. She was just real nice. Course that’s what I said about Girl7 too, hehehe.

Anyway that’s about it.  I just remember her fondly because we had the highest percentage of good times and she didn’t reject me hehehe. I feel the Fondest about her over all the other girls. Well except maybe Girl8, who I added “posthumously” and whom I forget is even A Girl, because I think we had Zero Dates, hehehe.

anyway, the good news is, I don’t drink any more, and my social skills are a lot better. however I am way older and balder. well my social skills that don’t include talking to Pretty Women.

HOW ABOUT YOU?

ok enough of that.

in hindsight, I would have not drank so much at the parties, obviously, and maybe experimented with some Benzos So I wasn’t too SCARED to talk to grills. Because Alcohol did not take away my anxiety over talking to cute grills. and benzos might have.

so if you are scared to talk to grills at parties, cut out the alcohol and try some benzos. it might not even work, but it’s worth a try.

of course, kissless friendless virgins don’t have friends, and don’t get invited to parties, esp one with ANY grills. Wizards are lucky to have been to ONE party in their lives……and it was a total sausage fest.

although I do recognize that going to a party with Cute College Age Girls IS a Bourgeois Luxury. because Real World Parties have like 40 year old Creepers and Prole Trash at them, hahahaha.

so, lesson, or COACHING POINT if you will, try to get into College Parties. because all the grills there will be in the PRIME of youth, 18 to 21. DAMN SON. hard to believe such things even EXIST. but they DO.