well i am fairly confident that i have fully learned from my mistakes and literally CANNOT make them again. if i ever become friends with a woman again, which now feels impossible, i will state from the outset that i might fall in luv with them if we stay friends 2 years. who knows. she might get bored with me by then because you know how women are, they have a revolving door of friends and lovers and orbiters and that aint right babe, i think thats degenerate. you are a degenerate baby.

also when you are done with me have the decency to TELL me.

if we ever have a problem with our rel lets TALK about it and NOT IGNORE it.

lets COMMUNICATE openly and honestly.

if i am ever pushign you pushily and weird to HANG OUT, it REALLY means i have something important to TALK about which i am trying to send signals about.

also telling them what i like and dont like.

i like gurls with not a lot of friends. not so i can alienate them and control and abuse them, but because i myself dont have or NEED a lot of friends, and i can better relate to other Shy Introvert Loners. which women not often even ARE.

OF COURSE i am still hoping she will contact me. i will not stop hoping that for a LONG time.

there was a time in like 2007 and 2008 when i was walking like 12-14 miles a day. no joke. i know i was able to lose a decent amount of weight during that time. it was real good that i was doing that. but i know i was still drinking and i was still a huge loser having no success with jobs or women and was still at a relative Low point!

but yeah it wasnt every single day. had to be every other day im thnking. so thats like 6 to 7 miles ever day right. which is what im…..well i am doing 5 to 6 miles a day now.


ok went for second 2.8 miler, got muh 5.6 in for the day, hmm i should really do three 2.8 milers a day huh

that is 2 plus 2 plus 2 plus 2.4 = 8.4 mi

the other thing i need to remind myself of is, even if i had known the Lessons Learned back in the Beginning, i STILL could have not saved this rel. i STILL couldnt have made the gurl want me. we NEVER would have Dated no matter what i did differently.

MAYBE it would have ended a little better, but it NEVER would have “worked out.”

or maybe she will come back to me when she has a few kids and looks a lot worse hahaha and i still wont be making enough money to take care of myself, her, or the bastard kids which the deadbeat fathers wont be paying for either.

it was just so sudden and jarring, which made it seem more unreal. it wasnt a gradual slide into the death of the rel. it was falling off a cliff.

no matter what anyone says, it was a kind of rel. these bitches think you have to be FOOKING someone for a long period of time for anything to be a rel. wrong. well they are right about the period of time thing, but not about the fooking. these god damn degenerate whores with their minds and bodies in the gutter.

but yeah when theyre gone you can really see the void they used to fill. and then you miss them even more. or maybe think they were more important than they were.

imean i have no idea what she THINKS about all this, if she is making stupid facebook posts about being “betrayed by friends again” or “muh friends let me down again” and “you think you can trust somebody but no”  or “guys are jerks” “lied to again” etc etc etc. and bitching about me to all her friends. or is she just not saying anything at all?

i really dont want to reactivate muh facebook to see if shes still blocking me.

but yeah she was very important to me. i would have liked to be at least a little important to her. maybe i was prior to like 10 months ago. then at that time SHE went thru this “relship death” which i am going through right now. and i had no idea hahahahah. she obviously didnt want to save it because she kept rejecting my invites.

yeah when you lose “friends” every week it makes me wonder how you can have a long lasting connection with anyone. but she wasnt like that! ive known women who were, and she was not one of them!

so i got god damn FEELINGS. how is that so OFFENSIVE and EVIL, how is that such an egregious betrayal? i cant beleive how she overreacted.

well i overreacted to, but i also hated the job. and i hate working with people who reject me in godawful ways. if we had communicated like adults, like i wanted to, maybe i would have kept the job.

unfooking believable.

just such a CONTRAST. i would have expected this from a standard borderline crazy whore. but not her. i trusted her, i thought she was WAY less crazy than that, and to do this to ME, who she KNEW. i did NOT see this coming. such a SHOCK. i was in SHOCK for a long time. ike a month hahaahaha. now i am just like WHAT THE FOOK.

we used to have such a GOOD, natural, positive, smooth, uncomplicated Rel. when most man/woman rels i observed, SUCKED. had major problems. due to one person doing all the Loving, all the heavy lifting, a huge love deficit, yet both people were too afraid to leave. other peoples rels seemed so shitty, our “rel” seemed so good. and then it stopped being good, and started being kinda shitty. but i had no idea how shitty it really was until she stopped talking to me like i was a stalker weirdo!

i wasnt a stalker weirdo! but as soon as a woman says that, everyone takes HER side and assumes SHE is right.

after what period of time are you out of Stalker Weirdo Probation? probably no longer than One Year. well what about 2 damn years. jeezum crow.

i occasionally think about emailing or texting her then wisely and quickly realize that i should not.

but yeah i cannot state enough that the feeling of being Confused and Overwhelmed all day, that you Dont KNow What You Are Doing, is a horrible feeling. that was the job.

shit. i feel she is being SO ridiculous it should be OBVIOUS to ANYONE that she is in the wrong. if she talked to any of her few real friends or family, and told them the True Story, they would wisely tell her “hmm. you really shouldnt treat him like that.” but she will probably spin it when she tells the story to them, like he was ok at first, but he turned into such a huge creepy stalker weirdo that there was NOTHING ELSE I COULD DO.

bullshit, you could have written an email to me, responded to me in some way, had a damn conversation with me.

communication lol


heh. you think you KNOW somebody but you dont KNOW them at all, it doesnt matter if youve known them for YEARS because they can become a DIFFERENT PERSON OVERNIGHT hahahahaha

well maybe she thinks the same thing about me. well its true i had a big change. but you deal with a big change by talking about it, not avoiding it.

i emphasized it did not make me a completely different person, but that doesnt matter if SHE didnt see it that way. she thought it made me a completely different person, in her eyes/world it did.

still that doesnt justify what she did!

i would have rather had her confront me angrily and scream and say why u betray me, why did you LIE to me, etc.

and then id say i didnt lie,  but at least i could see why she was so angry. and know what she was thinking. and have at least one chance to communicate. even if neither of us was really listening to the other.  still better than NOTHING.

hahahaha this is almost worse than being CHEATED ON hahahaha.

it is a kinda of psychological torture hahahaha.

i guess i was “wood-pecking” by pushing and pushing and pushing when it was obvious she didnt want to be pushed. but i wasnt giving MONOLOGUES or BULLET POINTS. i wasnt saying anything at all other than can we hang out sometime this month hahaahaha

if anything were like monologues it was the long heartfelt emails i wrote that she never read hahaha.

shit i should have asked her what i could have done to make her feel less overwhelmed abotu communication hahahaha

that last one was pretty good, i guess i didnt make her feel SAFE to communicate. and i wasnt being PATIENT enough.

al turtle, my kinda guy hahahahaha

its always the MAN who clams up and wont communicate, because the woman is chattering incessantly hahahaha

that is nothing like what happened here. i did not chatter incessantly at her, i couldnt even get her to meet me outside of work, to just go to damn dinner like we used to.

yep. it was MY FAULT because i wasnt PATIENT enough.

well i

and it was my fault because i didnt ACCEPT HER for who she was, namely, a person who didnt want to communicate with me, doesnt like to communicate abotu feelings, i should have just accepted that.

my problem is that i am an OVERCOMMUNICATOR , want to talk about FEELINGS all the time. thats why i cant keep a gurl around hahahahaha.

well i disagree, we NEVER HAD a feelings talk before!!!!!!!!!

there might be some good other stuff on this relationshiptalk site hahahaha



april 9

real nice day, real sunny, warm, open the windows kind of weather, really starting to feel like spring thank GOD.

saw a cute young girl at the social function that, if she were sitting on my face, would make me forget all about Girl8. hehehe. I don’t know how girl8 is coming up now, such that I “posthumously” promoted her to girl8. maybe cuz I see her name on facebook sometimes? who cares. well i guess thoughts of girl8 is slightly better than girl7. who cares. b’s be b’s.

B’S B B’S.

ok new plan. start serious job search in october. job should be chiller between may and december. if it gets unchill like before, get xanax from dr and take it 3 days a week. get new job by january. will take pay cut of at least 10% for a job that is….20% chiller hehehe. try to bang this qt young blond girl at job, no strings attached. maybe date her if she’s dateable, ie, clean, moral, low number, pleasant, charming, feminine, etc, no big deal if she’s not. wish she had longer legs, hahahaha. but banging her 50 times would be great for moi. how about you?

this is really the type of chauvinistic, devil may care, Alpha attitude you MUST develop towards women if you want to Achieve Your Goals with them, whether it is Beta Goals like making out, cuddling, dating, monogamy, OR Alpha goals such as Hookup Harem, Booty Calls, Revolving Door, or nonmongamy.


You Must Act Alpha To Achieve Even Beta Goals.

apr 10

yeah buddy. another real nice day. getting into 60 degree weather, sun, holy crap. will have to do two powerwalks.

if your job is very stressful, just pop xanax at work 3 out of every 5 days, if your boss Calls You In, flash dat script, and say, if you want to get rid of me, lay me off so I can claim unemployment b1tches, or I’m calling the employment lawyer and lawyering up.

if you’ve ever watched that boring gay tv show the office, which is notable for portraying a Dream Job Environment we would all love to have, yet to get a job that easy and stressless, you must have an ivy league degree like andy (ed helms), or a stupid f4gg0t MBA type degree like ryan (bj novak). so git studying, and paying 100k to do so, f4gg0t!

heh. let us start our own tv network for losers, where losers who watch tv all day can actually learn skills to make them employable. for example, a network with shows that teach them social skills, how to answer interviews, specifically spoon fed the phrases to say, and where there is serious, actual job growth, or shows that train you in job skills, and actually go on the job; essentially job training for all sorts of jobs.

like one season of a given show would give you the skills and training to actually walk onto that job and do it. I am not talking about “dirty jobs” type reality shows where they take 10 minutes and show the most interesting things about a job. I am talking about showing exactly How To Do A Job. Job Training TV. Job Search TV. Interviewing TV. Job Market TV. Job Truth TV.

I have all this talk of homeschooling and how to raise winner children, very strict stuff, homeschooling, STEM only, etc, but fact is I know a ton of perfectly happy successful people who went to awful Public School, and are happy and successful with Non Stem degrees, like business or law. What’s THEIR secret?

Solid Confidence, Positive Attitude, and Great Work Ethic: No Laziness.

So if you have all those things, you don’t need a strict homeschool STEM Military Academy Tiger Parents.


Positive Attitude.

Positive WORK ethic: NOT LAZY.

That’s ALL. And I became a loser because I had NONE of those things. Even one out of three would have been quite a bit better.

well, what about all the confident people in prison or who are lazy deadbeats? well i’d argue they are happier and have more energy than We Losers.

But happiness is not the be all end all right? True….but now I am in a phase where I believe it might be. if it feels good, do it. hehehehe. as long as you’re not hurting anybody, or throwing your money away. two important caveats.

so in other words, being a huge drug addict would be out, because you would be hurting your family.

unless you are already disowned from your family and can be certain that your drug abuse is not hurting them, then go ahead, drug yourself like a madman!

i would, but it would hurt my family, and i have hurt them enough. so i don’t. that simple.

what if i could secretly do drugs? well, I would secretly enjoy a little weed occasionally. I am just too cowardly to try to get it, plus i see the fam all the time. it would be very hard to keep secret in other words, so, just not worth it.

so i am looking into how 2 become a xanax addict, hahahaha.

so some “autist” spoilt sh1t virgin goes on a stabbing spree in a pennsylvania high school. and I was just thinking that we hadn’t had a mass STABBING in a while, always SHOOTINGS, last stabbing was some madman in china.

prelim rpts say this boy was not “A LONER” or a Weirdo though, that he was nice and he had friends. hmmm. indeed odd. wasn’t a WEirdo. wasn’t a CREEPER. WEll, he DID look like a scrawny beta. Certainly a Virgin! and not the handsome football player type of virgin that had cute girls throwing themselves at him begging to take his Virginity!

But honestly, it is NORMAL scrawny 16 yo boy to be a virgin. I would be much more concerned if he were “WEIRD” a LONER a CREEPER or an AUTIST or had NO FRIENDS, like the sandy hook kid.