oct 5 2016


ok. got up and prepared for day like responsible man: shower, shave, breakfast, brush and floss, tied tie, now i am just waiting until i leave in 53 minutes to drive to interview starting at 2pm.

tell them at interview today that if it get the job at the “bank” uhhhh i have to take it. that is the one with int on upcoming tues that i am all excited about hehe. i mean it is a patently better job, better pay, prob better benefits, closer, i’d be an idiot not to. any non-failing business would agree with me hehehe.

leave for interview in 13 minutes. all dressed up atm. ready to go. try not to diaerrhoea.

shirt is def too big. pants are….not too small but they are “slim fit” unfort, so they will ALWAYS feel a little weird. i honestly could not find an ok looking blue suit that was not slim fit. it was the price i had to pay.

yeah just the idea that you need 100% accuracy and no errors, the job is, this NEEDS to be PERFECT, not 99.9%, but 100%, every time, your job is to make sure its PERFECT. ok i get that. but what i dont get is that asking a more experienced person to SIGN OFF on this is considered time wasting and hand holding and youre fired. NO. it should be Best Practices and Standard Operating Procedure to have a “Team Lead” Sign Off on your work.

oh golly gee i dont know what im doing but i hope its right because our paying client needs this airplane door to be 100% or else it will fly off at 140000 feet and 500 passengers will get sucked out the door to their deaths hahahaha.

or this bridge will fall apart and 1000 people will die and its on YOUR hands, lowly level 1 guy, not the Master Engineer who YOU thought “should” “sign off” on such an important project. no hes got better things to do like get drunk at lunch and look at Prep The Bull and Trap Porn on his work computer and make 4 times as much as you.


welp did my interview. it was kinda ridiculous but not in a horrible way. mainly the guy double booked his interviews for 2 people at the same time, there was a white man also dressed in a nice suit, but he seemed about 5 years older than me.  but healthy and regenerate looking hahaha. very healthy weight. anyway this other manager decided he would essentially do the interview with me, so i started talking to him, he was an all right guy, but then it was like ok lets see if the original manager is ready to talk to you now. so i ultimately talked to TWO managers one after the other and the whole thing took like 1 hour 40 minutes. thankfully both guys were nice and the company and job actually seemed all right EXCEPT there is a kind of sales/incentive pay structure, but there is a damn 13 week training program and starting at 17 dollars an hour at that time, so…..thats pretty good. the guy said the guys here were very “BLUE COLLAR” and i said thats great, I come from a blue collar family and have a Thick Skin to handle Bantz and F-Bombs hahahahaha.

i said all the right marketing bullshit about the companys culture and values and bla bla bla.

there were some times when i stumbled and sounded like an autist, similarly to how i did yesterday, but just like the person yesterday, they didnt jump on me for it or even seem to care. so i spilled the spaghetti a couple times, NO BIG DEAL. and that is ultimately pretty encouraging.

there was a sales office right there and they are hiring sales people too. i said my background was more geared towards Service Technician than Sales per se, although I DO have very good Communication and People skills and like to Educate people hahhahahahahaha.

but they also emphasized they are an Ethical company and do not try to sell people things they dont need. Which could be BS, but I said, Good, because I’m a very ethical guy and I wouldn’t want to sell people things they really don’t need. which is NOT BS!!!!!!!

well i have been so busy interviewing i missed the deadline for a few jobs to apply hehe. have to keep a PIPELINE going hahahahahahaha.

one thing i did like about the job today was that they had a lot of training. a LOT of training. 13 weeks. they said a lot of guys were confident at 8 weeks and said let me get out there, the the company wanted to err on the side of caution. and make sure people passed tests and got certified for jobs where certification was not Legally Mandatory.

now they could just be bullshitting to sell the job to me…..but its pretty good bullshit! shit yeah tell me more about how you make sure your people are fully trained.

since it does get into incentive based shit after training, i asked if any of the people really struggled with that. the manager said everyone is doing well and reaching goals. and these are salty technicians and not born smooth talking salesmen.

anyway i hate the idea that a woman will dump you as soon as you stop showing strength. that she can need you but GOD FORBID you ever need HER. is this really the way women are and i just have to accept it? I accept that men are stronger emotionally and physically and mentally than women and that men have to do MOST of the work……but I don’t think women cant be capable of doing any work at all. so you have to support her always, and she supports you NEVER? thats fookin gay.

yeah well she never gave up and walked out when her longterm boifran was freezing HER out. but im not sure he was being “WEAK” though. he was being strong but silent hahahaha. well, he might not have been being “STRONG” but he wasnt being WEAK either. he was jsut distant and cold and stubborn. but she made a real effort with him at least.

so yeah she was capable. jsut not with me. because i was weak hahahaha.

i just HATE the idea that you have to be PERFECT or else they LEAVE.

but thats clearly not true! her BF wasnt perfect and she gave him MORE than a fair chance! many women stay with men who are VERY not perfect!

yeah but these men present as strong, and not at all as weak. they dont get nervous or anxious. they might get ANGRY at the women always wanting to TALK and DO STUFF and FIX stuff. but the men are not freaking out like a hysterical WOMAN.

oct 6


classic album here, if you dont like this album, gtfo. train your 3dpd fat slob to like this album as you bang her hahahahaha.

as a lifelong fan of srs metal, i have learned the important and mature lesson than women who like metal = crazy = bad (im talking about like serious fans of black or death metal, not they like a few random hit metal songs by metallica or pantera or slayer or motorhead or iron maiden or something, that should be fine).

but yeah a woman that likes the CURE, i would still be pretty impressed by that. even though im old enough to KNOW BETTER about being IMPRESSED by a womans MUSICAL TASTE. its a traaaappp.

i dont even think robert smith is as big a degenerate as most musicians, well, assuming from the fact that he’s been married to the same woman for like 40 years.

never saw the cure live and they are one of the few on muh live concert bucket list. note to self, if i have feelings for a woman, do NOT take that woman to the cure concert, because i wont be able to remember that as a good memory when she dumps me and breaks my heart hahaha. go with a male friend or alone.

yeah hard to go wrong with the cure. it is smooth and chill, and beautiful, and melodic, romantic, catchy, and also sad and emo, and spine chilling, and this album is probably their best moment. the Lush Beauty of “pictures of you” to the super catchy hard rocking of “fascination street” and of course their biggest hit “lovesong” which is a great song. i mean its impossible not to like and RESPECT this album. for any fan of music. if you dislike this album YOUR JUST STUPID.

yeah i guess if youre a total hipster you could say its too mainstream and overplayed. its def mainstream but is it REALLY overplayed? are these REALLY boring songs? these are timeless, classic songs that are played a lot for a REASON.

it IS a little LONG though at 63 minutes, where 40 minutes is the ideal album length.

working class men on Worksites listen to MUSIC all day as they do their hard work. i think this is very significant and worth some thought. if you are listening to music, it is harder to PANIC and be ANXIOUS and NERVOUS, and ALSO it means you are CONSTANTLY TALKING and thinking on your feet to come up with Bullshit Explanations for both your supervisors and your customers. that is EXHAUSTING. its like CAMPAIGNING for president and you have to talk and bullshit all day. i could NEVER do that, i dont know where trump gets his ENERGY, but its safe to say he’s always been that way, and some people just ARE.

heheh i forgot about the 311 cover of lovesong. that is tbh pretty darn good fam hahahaha. pretty secsy for blowing out your bitches asshole hahahahaha. because they LIKE being treated like Jooish Pornographic Filth. Absolutely Disgusting. BELIEVE ME, I would rather treat them as Fragile Flowers, because I HATE Jooish Pornographic Filth. Hate that Disgusting SHit that has RUINED Women And Men. words cannot describe the HATE. i dont hate nonwhites, i might not even hate joos, but by god i HATE the disgusting filth that joos have created! I hate the evil they have done!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

funny that the cure has an album called “pornography.” as an old man, this to me is AWESOME because that is an INCREDIBLY dark, despairing, nihilistic album, and I think this terrible feel perfectly captures the actual real essence of pornography. it is not secsy or hot and all. it is empty and despairing and nihilistic and soulless and horrible. i’m not sure if thats what robert (first name basis hahahaha) was getting at, but i like to think he was hahahahaha.

and yeah “pictures of you” is a CLASSIC FOR A REASON!!!!! and perfectly captures Lost Love and Heartbreak and Regret and embodies what i have felt for the past 14 months hahahahahahaha. thankfully i can enjoy the song on its own merits as a way to express a personal emotion that was unshared with her, hahahaha. meaning, im glad i never cuddled or buttfooked her while listening to THE CURE or this album, because then it would actually REMIND me of her, rather than help me Get Over Muh Emotions ABOUT her. in other words, the cure is MY thing and not HER thing, definitely not OUR thing. well she probably likes a few cure songs but we never shared any cure moments, thank god.

NEVER share things with women hahahahaha cuz then you cant enjoy your favorite music and movies when they break your heart and leave you. THEY WILL RUIN YOUR FAVORITE THINGS FOR YOU. i mean thank god i can still listen to neil young, but it took a while! TOO LONG!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! yeah i mean you get over it, but it sucked that i couldnt even listen to one of muh favorite music guys for months!!!!!!!!!!!!

want to get out of house before noon today (oh god that sounds so lazy and negrish!!!!!!) and do some errands

also prep for autist aba job interview tommorow

AND apply for 3 jobs because i think about 3 decent jobs are gonna “expire” by tommorow

AND get good powerwalk

AND get 14 pushups

AND eat less than 1200 calories because i went like EIGHT HUNDRED OVER yesterday, oy vey.

uhhhh 14 pushups is a good baby step, but all together that is a lot of baby steps hahahaha.

ok went to store

ok called the interview place and stalked the woman who will be interviewing me, she was supposed to email me 2 days ago but it never went thru because she typed my hard to spell email wrong.

i called her and aksed for her hard to spell email and successfully sent a message to her hahahaha. thankfully she does not have a masters degree and seems like a nice person from the stalking i did.

ok got the shit printed out, hehhehe if you have to print out 10 pages of shit for every interview, thats 250 pages hahahaha. i have already bought 2 black ink cartridges and am burning thru the 3rd one pretty quickly. so stupid.

not going to get a ton of sleep tonight, might blank out and do a gary johnson aleppo moment tomorrow. that really looks bad. well if he can get to be governor, i can get a 12 dollar an hour autism technician job.

uhhhh applied to 2 jobs today but not 3. prepared my info sheet for tomorrow.

this org clearly has a problem with people not sticking around. prob because they quickly find better paying jobs. and they cant afford to pay them more because they are a nonprofit org. so they are angry about people getting valuable autism training and then leaving before 10 months. but i……


i also worry that the “workplace safety” job will do regular drug tests because you drive a company van. oh god i cant drive a large van!!!!!!! what if the van breaks down!!!!!!

i think this autism job would be more fun and i would enjoy it more and also be able to SURVIVE and WITHSTAND it better, because it is part time and because it is sort of in muh wheelhouse. well i am more conflicting about wanting the autism job vs the safety job, however in the autism vs the bank job, i def want the bank job!!!!!

hehehehe this is assuming i get offers from both jobs in these situations. VERY big assumptions!!!!!

does that mean i had a good feeling abotu the saftey job? kind of!

and i have kinda a good feeling about getting the autism job.

REALLY? I have been REJECTED for ELEVEN dollar an hour part time jobs recently, what reason do i have to be optimistic about a TWELVE DAH PT job? hahahahaha. well because my degree actually relates to this job, sort of, where it doesnt relate to “office administrative assistant” job. which is stupid. i mean the better degree for that would be business. even if i have 30 credits of business classes. doesnt matter i guess hahaha.

shit they might reject me because ive never worked with CHILDREN before. let alone autist children haha.

i wish you could negotiate training wages. meaning i would gladly accept minimum wage for the first month or however long it took for me to be rejected from the other 2 jobs i am in contention for. so if i got one of those jobs, the autism place wouldnt lose too much money training me. cuz its a decent org and i might want to reapply with them in a few years. for one of their FT jobs that dont exist, yeah sure hahahaha.

oct 7 firday

752 AM

up real early today, like a real working man, currently dressed up and ready to go to interview, did not prep so well. as predicted, did not sleep well. well i was up thinking until like 130 am. thankfully i did fall asleep and I was in the middle of an interesting dream that i was scheduled to be part of the death panel on the next daily shoah with k1ke enoch and “sven” and i was like iii dunno guys, what the hell am I gonna be able to add to this, im gonna sound like an idiot, but im honored you asked me, i really like TRS hahahahaha. this is probably muh first TRS related DREAM hahahahaha. much better than having dreams about you know WHO hahaha.

ok. like i say, its a tough call between autism job vs safety job. for a normie, no its not, the safety job BTFOs the autism because it pays more, more hours, FT, established company, health care, bennies etc.

12 pm

welp did the interview, sent thank you note, recorded it as 95 minutes. spent an hour in there, but onyl about 30 minutes talking to them, and like 20 minutes filling out a damn application by hand which was basically a copy of all the shit i already gave them. i will never understand these stupid hiring policies. filling out shit by hand. unbelievable. told them about muh desire for FT. they were very understanding. talked to a Masters Level Psychologist who is about 7 years younger than me, oy vey hahahahaha.

there might be young 3 year old children biting and smacking and pooping their pants and i have to put diapers on them. i think i would rather do this than answer phone calls hahahahaha.

i dont fookin know man i just want a job where i can get help if i need it and i am not constantly needing it and not constantly fighting and struggling to survive every day. good god. the type of exhausting, nervous struggle where you feel like you need to chug Whiskey straight from the bottle at the end of every day.

hehehe normal life is at least 2 to 3 times HARDER for me than for normies. not that normies have it easy! but the basics of Holding Down a Job and Banging A Bitch, those are at LEAST 3 times harder for me. lots of fear and failure hehehehe. lots of time wasted. lots of not getting anywhere.

on the degen show “better things” which im not sure why i am watching, well because i want to see a degen single mother raising degen girls, its really all about degen women, and is kinda like “GIRLS” in that regard. no husbands or fathers, mothers a whore, her oldest daughter is 16 and beautiful and is becoming a whore, the middle daughter is an autistic ocd 13 year old lesbian, so i guess all that is enough to sell me.

recent episode focused on the 16 year old daughter worried about her future, going to college and all that, what am i gonna do with my life, her high school guidance counselor says no ivy league for you, you shoulda started prepping for that a few years ago, might not have the grades for a good state shool, have you thought about community college?

now the red pill is that community college is awesome but it DOES have a reputation as for underachieving losers, so when you’re in high school, you shudder at the thought. then when 10 years later youre still a huge loser, you think, welp, i have been humbled, time to go to CC now that real University did not work out.

anyway the girl is very anxious and despairing and I totally related and found this storyline very compelling. i guess she smokes MJ and does not get 4.0 grades. dont know if she is a huge horrible slut. PROBABLY, knowing this degen show.

because they show the girl sitting with her degen mom and the degen moms friends all sitting around drinking and talking about ABORTIONS, like how many abotions you got, tell the story of that abortion, and i was like, they are trying WAY too hard to make this show edgy, and what EXACTLY are they trying to say? they were clearly trying to be provocative by having such a “FRANK” discussion of abortions while CHILDREN were amongst them, as if to say, this is NORMAL, this is not a big deal, we all have abortions, and you’ll get abortions too, its just a fact of life, rite of passage for a woman, dont be ashamed of this, its good to be pro choice, and if you get knocked up when you are having fun with Secsy Boys, you can and should totes get an abortion too.

so i felt sympathy for this poor girl just about to become a Woman, and that she was so FOOKED because her mother is such a damn baby murdering degenerate. so the beautiful 16 year old gurl is gonna become a slut REAL soon if she isnt already, prob lose V to badboi, then quickly start riding C carousel, throwing a bunch of betabois away, probably start cheating, not take secs seriously, not take human life seriously, the way she THROWS LIVES AWAY, develop 10000 C stare, never be able to have a serious rel with a man, just like her crazy whore mother who cant love a man either.  but is this “beautifully flawed” woman trying to raise 3 young daughters as a Single Working Mom who is very open about Secs and Abortions and Being Tuff and You Do You Grrrrrl.

and its NORMAL to be a slut and cheat and break hearts and throw people away and get abortions, sex is FUN FIRST and if you get preggers, no big deal, get an abortion, WEVE ALL DONE IT. and sometimes you just wanna get fooked, and if the guy is a sensitive virgin type an gets feelings, AW, TOO BAD SO SAD, its ok to Dump and Ghost him because you just wanted to Get Off.

and we are beautiful in our flaws and we are gonna be as flawed as possible.

and i like the show for confronting Real Shit, but i hate it for taking the wrong opinion on this shit. while at the same time having some good and sympathetic characters. i mean i dont even really hate the mom. but i should.

to make her daughter feel better, the mother took her to the store and made her dress in a Ladies Business Suit, and said there you are, you look just like those successful peopel who have their shit together, youre no different than them. it was actually sort of touching even though she should not be so worried about career and shit. she should have a good father who helps her find a good husband.

i mean the show could have pushed more Red Pills about You Dont Have To Go To College. Go To Trade School or Community College or Military.

so they talk to a bank teller and mom says do you have any college, teller says no just a GED and i started this job at age 22 and im 25 now.

this could have opened a real good conversation but they just left it there.

so do you portray the bank teller as a failure because they didnt go to college? no not at all, which i liked.

i would have liked more if they had a 30 year old with a masters degree living with his family because he is still trying to pay back 200k in student loans hahahaha and he’s done, he’s finished, given up on life, i’ll never get anyway, i wish i could have a family but i’ll never afford it, and i havent dated a woman in over 5 years hahahahaha. that would have been some great black pill shit.

basically, college educated 30 year olds who cant afford to move out hahahaha because they are only making 12 dollars an hour and are 80k in debt for useless college hahahaha.

tfw when you see a picture of FENRIZ when he was very young, like 20 or 21 or so, and realize he sort of reminds you of THAT WOMAN.

I was completely in luv and wanted to marry and have babies and spend muh life with and was devastated heartbroken for 15 months over a woman who looks like FENRIZ.

fenriz is currently 44 years old as is nocturno culto. culto has 2 children a son and a daughter. i do not think fenriz has any children. not sure how old cultos children are. i hope he is a good father to them.

but yeah there are like 2 pictures of 20 year old fenriz where he kinda looks like That Woman. so weird. i told you she was kidna weird looking hahahahaha. but like fenriz, she had nice long dark hair.

so darkthrone was offered 200k USD to play a festival for one show and they REFUSED. hell yes that shows some serious “INTEGRITY” but at the same time i have to think, you’d have to be stupid to turn that down!

Should a man with CHILDREN turn down 200k for 1 day of work just because of his artistic integrity?

basically I give them a PASS, and I think its kinda STUPID for a man with a FAMILY to turn that money down. even if you dont have a family, you still need money. maybe fenriz has bastard children he needs to pay child support. (speculation). maybe fenriz wants to take care of his aging parents. TAKE THE FOOKIN MONEY GUIZE.

heh. most people just like the music and dont really care about the people behind it.

I dont really care for the music and i am MORE interested in the PEOPLE behind it hahahaha.

i mean the story of these guys lives is WAY more interesting than listening to “plaguewielder” or “the cult is alive” hehehehehehehehe.

i say this because i am sort of excited about darkthrone again due to their brand new album which I am going to listen to today on powerwalk hehehe.

did 3.2 mile, 1 hour powerwalk, my normal walking pace is 3.2 mph and i am happy with that.

listened to new darkthrone album. it has great sound/production and is perfect length and it is not all ridiculous, but uhhh i was hoping it would be a little…..better hehehehe. i mean its no panzerfaust. i mean you can tell they are both enjoying themselves, theyre not just going through the motions, so i think a large part of the prob is me simply not being able to appreciate “new” music.

its hard to get the interest of women when you MAKE LESS THAN THEM. of course im talking about money. basically the only people that I make MORE than are total white trash and negroes hahahahaha. at least when i was making 30k, i was then good enough to pull white trash waitresses and such hahahahaha. and that was the best money i ever made in my life! when i was making like 12k a year, i was staying sane but what the HELL can you do on 12k a year? cant live, cant have a family, cant do anything. cant have a serious rel with a woman. i guess you could bang sluts because you sure arent gonna KEEP any women making only 12k!

wow she dumped him SUPER BAD, super insult to injury there. why do people do this? why do you HAVE to add insult to injury? i mean if i were this guy i would be devastated, my confidence would be CRUSHED for at least 15 months hahahahaha. this type of thing will DESTROY a guys confidence for a LONG time.

also when someone throws you away, people advise you, they dont know what they had, in 2 months they will miss you and be begging for you back. dont take them back. be better than that. they took you for granted the first time. dont give them that second chance.

and that def never happened here. she left me and NEVER looked back. feels bad man! that might even be worse. i wuld def forgive and take her back once. and if she pulled the same shit twice (like they often do) then i would kick her ass out (probably not hahahahaha). but she didnt even come back.

but i am doing my interviews so thats as good as i can ask. i have done about 36 hours of interviews roughly. i guess it would make sense to do 40 hours of interviews. maybe what the lord is teaching me is how to get good at interviews. thats the lesson for this 15 months of pain. how to do interviews. sheeeeeeeeeeeeit.

but if i dont have an interview for a week, then i feel like i lose all those gains. and i need to have at least 2 or 3 interviews a week to get better. kinda like lifting hehehehe.

heh 330 pm and could totes take a nap. cuz i got up at 615am and did not fall asleep till 1 am.


super lengthy autistic post but an in depth picture of someone who actually DOES go to a shrink, and both people are willing to go to shrink, and it doesnt really improve things hehehehe. she still blames him.

but yeah he does seem too damn autistic and that is probably a problem.

also yeah she probably IS “depressed” but she should get that diagnosed well before 28. I sure did! because i was trying to improve myself so i could live a normal life with a job and a GF one day.

and good on this guy for improving himself from a fat virgin to an in shape, masters degree, successful, hardworking, guy with a GF. but he is still anal and autistic in a way that will hurt the rel, just as she hurts the rel with her “depression” and lack of interest and effort.

this album is regarded as DT coming back from a perhaps 3-album slump from 1996 to 2003 hahaha. fenriz said he was very derpressed and i guess was feeling better by the time of this album. and he was thankful to culto for essentially keeping the band alive during that time.

anyway i remember i actually bought the “plaguewielder” cd (used) back when cds were still a thing. i was like uhhhh this is not the greatest. and that was pretty much the end of darkthrone for me hahahaha and i never gave “hate them” a chance. i did give “sardonic wrath” a try and actually kinda liked that one. that came out following hate them.

anyway just trying to say i prefer this kind of vocal from culto. the hateful trve black metal vocal rather than the more i guess celtic frost vocal he’s doing now. which is not bad mind you, but the older vocal is better.

i mean there is no competition hehehe. however “boring” darkthrone may be, culto gives a Master Class in how to do good vocals.

62.9% labor force participation rate? that cant be good, unless labor force counts super old and super young people….which it probably shouldnt! and honestly i dont think it does. labor force is work age people. like 18 to 65 or whatever.

oh you know what i am not even gonna shit on plaguewielder anymore. it has shitty artwork but it sounds pretty similar to hate them with the riffage and sick vocals. also culto thanks tom waits on his short list of inspirations and shoutouts. in 2001 before i even knew who tom waits was unfortuantely. did not discover waits until 2003 or 4 at the latest.

also there are “blast beats” on these albums where i haven’t heard them on the newer albums. come on. you gotta have that.

trump scandal of him using “vulgar language about women.”


crude comments in 2005 interview about tits and pussy and whatever. who cares.

well, i kinda care if he is cheating on his wife, but not sure if he was married to her by then.

cuz its not cool to cheat on your wife but he has dealt with his fair share of gold diggers so.

i mean this is fooking stupid and i hope it doesnt COST HIM the election just because WOMEN will be so butthurt. and women shouldnt even be able to vote hehehehehe. but people have short memories too.

even the circle wagons album does not sound BAD. it is quite rocking as a matter of fact.

lesson: even the “worst” darkthrone albums are pretty good.

i would have preffered that he make super racist comments about mudslims or blacks or especially joos. that would be SWEET. BUT, that definitely would have killed his chances 100%, and that would NOT be good.

i like that he didnt apologize THAT much. hes not begging for forgiveness, and kinda saying this is not a big deal. cuz its really not. but i really dont know how real women will take it. i know that msnbc is up in arms hahahaha.

why not criticize the hollywood host billy bush for being an enthusiastic participant in the conversation.


It’s foolish to take the Blackpill with regards to women. It makes you settle for low quality sluts and degenerates. Do you want them to be the mother of your children?

I was in a bad place in 2011. I was dating a used-up slut whom I had nothing in common with. I was struggling to finish school and leave the comfy world of NEETdom. I had gotten into reading ‘The Red Pill’ and that middle eastern rapist Roosh, and my opinion of women was extremely low. Thus, my expectations from women were low.

This girl was a degenerate waste. She was pretty enough, but was a complete slob, and nearing the end of her 20s. I knew she had dated around, but the extent of the rot was what really got to me. The day I left her was when I attended a ‘party’ with some of her friends, only to discover she had f00cked literally 8 of the men at the party. Her total number was somewhere around 35ish men. One of which included a ni99er. Disgusting. I drove off, deleted her from Facebook and Skype, and washed my hands of her.

I was lucky to get out of that mess with no STIs. I pulled myself out of this depression and blackpill by lifting and travelling, and completely tossed out the ReturnOfKangz/rOOSH shit. Some of the techniques are useful, and yes, 90% of women are somewhere on the whore spectrum, but 10% of girls is still a HUGE amount of people.

On one of my trips, after a year of lifting and healthy eating, I met a complete QT3.14, 10/10. She was introverted, shy, but extremely moral. She was 6 years younger than me, intelligent, had a similar genetic background, and was a fucking virgin.

Married her 2 years into the relationship and it has only gotten better.

Lift, have confidence in your self, resist the blackpill, and you will find extremely high quality women waiting for you to wife them. Let the f4ggot numales clean up the algae of used up whores. WILL TO POWER BRAH


i am risking getting banned for posting private forum material here, but uhhhh i wont say what forum i got it from, nor who said it, but i am trying to share an awesome WHITE PILL here: a neetish man was dating a dirty slut, then he turned his life around and married a nice virgin waifu. GOOD FOR HIM. this is EXACTLY the stuff I need to read a LOT more of…..but i’m not finding a lot of it. not enough.

nyquil and coffee combination hehehe. again went way over calorie limit. soooooo easy to eat over 1200 cals.

yeah why shouldnt i link this already.

this and TH are muh fav DT albums. and this one is more “fun.” not sure why the vocals are considered controversial. i think they are great although perhaps mixed a little loudly. the riffs, songwriting, and production are all top of the line, and there is a ton of nostalgia with this album, as it was a big part of muh adolescence at age 18 or so. this is a pretty kewl album to have as your theme music at age 18 hahahahahahahaha.

“quintessence”, come on. probably the darkthrone stairway to heaven right there.

but yeah. a lot of people are interested in things they dont really participate in. politics, professional sports, tv shows, religion. but no one is interested in “relationships” as like a main interest they way I am, apart from WOMEN who are always GOSSIPING. I truly do like to gossip, but I like even more to study and understand the relationships.

its like watching from the sidelines and commenting but never participating. but thats the thing: is that normies DO participate, quite regularly, and dont really comment on it at the same level as I do, just gossip, say whos fooking who, whos dumping who.

and even people who are obsessed with sportsball and watch pro sportsball but are too fat and soft to actually play pro sportsball still often play amateur sportsball or fantasy sportsball.

i dont play Fantasy Relships, although maybe in a way I do: by having these one sided things where I have the relship all in my mind and it does not reflect reality at all.

nyquil makes me unable to think clearly and articulate and be persuasive. still i wish i just had some MJ, i would LUV to smoke a bunch of MJ on a friday night like this and listen to DARKTHRONE.

“the hordes of nebulah”. i used to think this song wasnt as good as the 2 before it, now i see i was wrong hahahahaha. truly a MAGIC album and i wouldnt EXPECT darkthrone to ever capture this kind of lightning in a bottle quite the same way ever again. you cant. again a large part of this was my own age at the time. but this is gonna be one of those albums that i enjoy thru my entire life hahaha. share with muh waifu and children and they will say damn what a badass!

anyway it is just “funny” and mostly sad that i spend all this time and energy and interest thinking about and analyzing Relationships, general and particular, myself and my fantasy rels, others and my perceptions of their real rels, and i think i have the tools and skills and knowledge to be real mature and good in a rel…..but my weakness is the BEGINNING. I cant get it STARTED for various reasons. cant spark the kindling and get the fire going ever.

large part of that is because i am scared to “apply”. at least with jobs i am putting out 450 applications, doing 23 interviews. if i were doing that with WOMEN, i WOULD have been in a real rel by now, or at least had a near normie level of secsual satisfaction. or, hopefully, i would say THIS IS DEGENERATE, I’m not gonna do this unless its in a real rel with a decent woman, fook this banging sluts shit, leave it to the degenerate hedonist nihilist abortionists.

fenriz did recycle the classic “quintessence” riff on his storm “nordavind” album which was recorded in late 1994 while panzerfaust was recorded in early 1994 hehehe.

they got the qt gurl kari rueslatten to sing on the album (from 3rd and the mortal, really need to dig into them more) and supposedly she was very upset and felt betrayed by fenriz because he changed a lyric at the last minute to say something like “death to every man who does not hail the fatherland!” which she felt was ebil racist. and i bet fenriz is not a racist. shit i wish he WAS. he SHOULD be. and poor kari felt horrible guilt after that and betrayed by ebil fenriz. hahahahaha i wonder if he fooked her. the dirty slut hahaha. see this ALL comes from the root cause of my degen pornographic view of women as sluts to be fooked. this is from watching way too much pron, so shame on me. but also shame on women for willingly BEING like that. they dont have to BE sluts, even if the girls in porno are.

and because kari was a beautiful young norwegian gurl with beautiful long hair, i dont WANT her to be a slut.

i want to read more stories of women who are DIVORCING or DUMPING their men because oh god hes a TRUMP SUPPORTER. but r/relships does not allow overtly political topics.

i would think being married and especially with children makes women less leftist catladylike. so they will say oh yeah trump is crude but oh well hes still better than hillary so im still voting for him.

whereas its the C carousel sluts and catladies who will be most offended, and they werent voting for trump ANYWAY.

in other words, its not gonna lose him any votes. its not gonna make anyone who has already chosen trump, say, oh NOW he’s gone too far, and i am changing my vote to HILLARY? i cant imagine him honestly doing any of that. even if he said GTKRWN 1488, which i would luv, people would still say, yeah im still not voting for hillary.

however it will make the hillary people all the more SHRILL and ANNOYING and that might push undecideds towards trump.

undecideds tho? and couldnt this push undecideds to hillary? sure.


not very many imho. i play it down because i hang out with people who would be MORTIFIED that they have even ONE trump supporter in their friend circle. so i say stuff, ah well, its a classic lesser of two evils thing, i dont really like either of them, but im really dont like hillary, yes i agree with you trump is not super presidential but im a moderate centrist and hillary is just too left for me, so, i have to vote for trump. that kind of waffling shit. actually i wouldnt even confirm i was voting for trump unless i was with some trump voters. thankfully i know a few.

7000 words? damn.

but yeah its funny. i analyze and think about rels like An Interest Or Hobby but never actually participate, when most NORMIES DO participate and dont analyze them to the same level, its just a normal part of normal life, dont overthink it, its not something interesting like football or tv hahahaha.

well to me it is!!!!!!!!

and women arent much better than men. they gossip a lot more about rels but are even WORSE at analysing, understanding, and workign with them. men could at least have a good chance at reasoning their way through them if they tried.

but you cant REASON with women. its like REASONING with a drunk 50 foot baby with a flamethrower. REASONING with a damn tasmanian devil. you cant reason somebody out of something that they didnt reason themselves into, hahahahaha.




there is the youtube guy common filth who stares into the abyss, and probably the abyss is getting to him. he clearly hates the degeneracy but he cant stop looking on tumblr and finding new degeneracy.

this is a great example of, it is prob better for your health just to not look at this degen garbage, even if you are fighting it.

a similar thing might be happening with WOESY, engaging edgy autistic trolls who say YOU CANT PROVE THAT BESTIALITY IS BAD! IF IT FEELS GOOD AND THEY CONSENT, DO IT!!!!!!

i certainly well its triggering to me too hahahahaha.

playing DEVILS ADVOCATE. its interesting and sometimes useful to do, but also sometimes its harmful to do it too much. spend too much time in the horrible mindset of the degenerate. not healthy 2 U. u have to then heal thyself!

so i am certainly guilty of this too, always thinking about degeneracy and thinking all people are disgusting degenerates when they really arent.


Schlomo Shekelburg 11 hours ago
If sex had no mental or moral component why do we get pissed if your boyfriend/girlfriend cheats?

I mean if your girlfriend cheats she is just using the guy as a flesh dildo right? It would be idiotic to assume that sexuality had no mental component. The sick thing is that there are so people who are so fucking progressive that cheating no longer becomes and issue either.

If societies embrace these degenerates and mentally ill people, without reservation, there no way that can be good for civilization. Are we expected to believe that these people can raise children with healthy ideals? There is a reason western civilization was so sucessful, and it wasn’t because we were so tolerant and free we embraced such disgusting behaviour.
Show less

source from the woes bestiality video https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=fm-iA23txPI

so yeah you can say logic always is superior to emotion…..but sometimes the nihilist fedora autists use this to troll you and say USE LOGIC TO PROVE WHY BESTIALITY IS WRONG. just trolling edgy bullshit that is the kids ways to scare the squares. and now im an old square, but i remember all too when when i was an edgy teen too! although i was not having any degen sex then. i really wish i were! cuz i got into the bad habit of looking at too much porno filth. i regret that.  well thank god now i can go a month or more easily without looking at porno filth. but its amazing how many guys in their teens and 20s look at porn EVERY DAY. holy shit. i mean i would say go ahead and jerk off every day, just use your imagination instead. you will probably find your thoughts becoming less pornographic over time.

i would have been one of those guys who would have been fine marrying their “high school sweetheart”, except i didnt have a high school sweetheart hahaha.

barring that, i would have been okay marrying my “college sweetheart”, but i didnt have a college sweetheart either. i met a few girls who wanted CASUAL DATING and i fell quickly in luv with them and would have been happy having them as muh sweetheart, but they weren’t willing to do that.

and then after that, it was just total failure at life and being Adrift hahahaha. for going on 10 years. no sweethearts in there either hahaha. That Woman would have been a great one, but she was so DISGUSTED by the idea that someone as WEAK as me could be INTERESTED in her that she threw me away like garbage hahahaha.

getting older and older and always finding self at the bottom, having to start over again. good times hahahaha.

shit at this point i say take meds. take as many meds as it takes to be able to get and keep a damn job hahahaha. take 60 mg of paxil a day. who cares.

i was thinking i might be able to get on social security DISABILITY because muh medical records will show at least 7 years of taking despair meds and some anxiety meds in there too. my case would prob be improved by a stay in the Psych Ward, even just 72 hours hahahaha. but i dont really want to do that, and i dont really want to be on Disability. that is like a total admission i cant function in life hahaha.

when in fact i can sorta function for limited amounts of time hahahahaha

and then something pushes me over the edge and then im back at the bottom again.

well the job already had me at the edge most of the time. that sucked.

and then the women had me at the edge as well.

being at two edges at once! or two different but combined forces pushing ME off my one and only edge.

i never abused or manipulated women before or ever. my main mistake was i got too much feelings for them, that they didnt reciprocate, and when they dumped me i was very angry and upset. one gurl i kinda harrassed but i never did that again. she fookin survived. it didnt hurt her that much. she is 9000000000000 times more successful and respected than me now hahahaha.

if anything i am impressed at how well behaved i was to That Woman. I begged and pleaded a little bit, enough to be annoying, and i was devastated and ruined when it ended……….but i never stalked her or harrassed her beyond sending 3 fooking emails. that’s it. they were pretty long, but still. no hysterical 100 texts a day. no dirving by the house. no 1000 emails a day. just 3 thoughtful heartfelt emails. the real pain is what i inflicted on myself, not her, by totally self-destructing and falling apart.

theres devils advocate, then its a slippery slope to trolling, and you say you arent trolling, but youre TAKING THE PISS, being disingenuous. and guys like me and MW stare into the abyss and try to articulate logical arguments on why x is wrong, when anyone who says x is right is fooking deranged and should be shamed and shunned and is not worth our time. the best response MW could have given the guy is, youre a degenerate to encourage this mental masturbation and degenerate mental olympics trying to prove why bestiality is immoral. im blocking you, have fun getting fooked by horsecox, degenerate. you deserve to be stomped by skinheads and machine gunned into a ditch hahahaha.

basically, anything really stupid that ive done to women has been a result of alcohol. i would be angry and desperate AND i would get falling down drunk and do something more embarrassing than abusive, that showed that i was just very very butthurt about being dumped/rejected. because of this, i learned that no contact is best for me when dumped; and also alcohol is bad when dumped.

so i have not drank alcohol in 6 years, total teetotaler; and i go no contact when dumped.

commenters tell stories of Ghosters coming crawling back after 6 months or so, then the ghostee got their comeuppance by saying fook you you piece of shit, do you even know what you did? and you think im gonna take you BACK?

yeah well i totally WOULD take her back hahahaha. and in these stories, if the person took the ghoster back, oftentimes the ghoster would ghost them AGAIN.

well i would sit her down and have a longgggggg 8 hour talk on why this is such an mmature and hhurtful thing. i wuld make her sign a contract saying she would never do that again. i would make her write long emails. and i would try not to lord that thing over her, because that would be manipulative on my part. on the other hand, i know what she is capable of. how do you TRUST after that. she’d prob be capable of cheating too. youd think most women are easily capable of cheating because most wmen HAVE cheated before [citation needed hahaha] and i liked her so much because she had never cheated before and hated cheaters and sluts.

of course, cheaters and sluts can also hate cheaters and sluts and the hypocrisy and cognitive dissonance does not bother them.

Your scores are:
Care 69.4%
Fairness 63.9%
Loyalty 55.6%
Authority 61.1%
Purity 69.4%
Liberty 61.1%

You have no one strongest moral foundation.
Your morality is closest to that of a Conservative. ”

hmm thought my loyalty would be higher hahaha


moral foundations test based on haidt, one you can actually easily take yourself

2005 was too exciting of a year for me. too much happened. i was in luv with 3 different gurls, got heart broken by all of them. fully casually dated one of them. had final term of college and graduated and did rather well considering. made contact with a very nice professor and did research assistant work for him and ultimately let him down hahaha because i did bad work because i was too worried about gurls. sort of made contact with another professor, well, with their research staff hahaha. i never met that professor, they were kind of a celebrity and i think had written books presenting their research to the middle-class layman.  worked a job in an office for 4 months. made a bunch of new friends and found myself in a new social clique. but i was already in another social clique and i didnt like ignoring them, but i was too easily led by muh heartstrings. felt guilty about shirking my work with teh prof because he was so nice. if he were harder with me i might have shaped up, but he was just too nice. such a decent good hearted man for being at a thorough marxist university and marxist department! god bless him. i had cut back my MJ partaking in 2004 but now i was drinking more in 2005, drinking on skool and work nights, i remember i would drink 3 or more glasses of wine at dinner then go study or do homework hahaha a couple times i snuck some wine into the school computer lab when i wrote my essays hahaha. i went on actual dates with this one gurl, fell in luv with her, had the green light to bang her but i wanted to go slow, first and only girl i spent the night with; she dumped me after 2 months or so because she just wanted casual dating and could tell i wanted a serious rel; got drunk and angry at her a lot, fighting and trying to guilt trip her; met a new gurl i fell in luv with but was too drunk and neurotic to impress her; my drinking increased; i did ok in actual classes but didnt do the other work needed to get started on a proper career; drinking too much; was a social butterfly but drinking too much in those situations; at that time my female friend of recent was an underage teen gurl;

anyway there was too much going on. and i was drinking too much. and i didnt know how to handle women. i should have just asked that other gurl if she wanted to hang out one on one and go to a movie but i was too scared. and then touched her hand and said i think u are qt or something. then she could have rejected me because she was an asexual cold fish dyke hahahaha no srsly she was, and i liked that, as opposed to the promiscuous college gurl stereotype. i wanted a gurl who took secs seriously. which was very reasonable on my part!

anyway if i had just stopped drinking, and went to the college shrink, and used the damn college career center more, i probably could have turned things around, got on a decent path. but i didnt hahaha.

again i was too preoccupied with GURLS than with JOBS and REAL LIFE.

same shit 10 years later!!!!!!!!!! and now i dont drink, i have gone to a shrink, taking Medz, but i feel way more than 10 years older hahahahaha.

anyway probably the worst most abusive thing i ever did to a woman was in that same year. i met a gurl i had a “mini crush” on, which was notable in that i was not hopelessly in luv with her, and i thought it would be fun to bang her. i guess the norm here would be to CASUALLY DATE and indeed bang the shit out of her. damn that would have been a lot of fun and i wish i had! but i didnt because i didnt have the Charm to Charm her. i just got drunk and stupid. even when i got drunk, i was not charming, i was still nervous and awkward with New People. anyway i was out partying with her and a group of people one night and everyone got drunk and i got raging drunk and at the end of the night i wanted to get her alone and make out with her and see what happens, i mean thats how college kids do it right? so miracle of miracles i got her alone and watching a movie on couch with me. i was like YAAASSSSSSSSS time to have casual secs with this super qt gurl, winnnnnnnnn! but as i recall she wasnt giving any secsy signals, more like she was PASSING OUT before my very eyes, she could not even Coherently Cuddle. and so she PASSED OUT sitting next to me, and i was raging drunk and like uhhhhhhhhh this sucks. so while she was passed out i touched her leg and she did not wake up. i continued to feel her leg for probably a creepy amount of time. she did nothing. i thought she was passed out. but what if she was conscious and TERRIFIED of what i was doing to her? i only thought this later. i felt terrible for possible raeping her, or at least molesting a gurl wihtout her consent.

so she got up after about an hour and went to bed and was not all secsy to me either. she just wanted to go to bed and pass out. i will never know if she was conscious while i fondled her leg or not, but she probably wasnt.

and thats the story. afterwards i felt horrible and guilty and ashamed but i didnt want to ask her, hey did you feel me fondling you the other night. but she never said anything to me and continued to be sort of friendly with me, neither scared of nor attracted to me. i really think she just didnt know. she went on to get a masterz degree at an ivy league skool and a prestigious career in nonprofitz, and most certainly took lots of cox, but i dont think she had taken TOO manny cox in 2005.

a makeout would have been nice! and now im not too ashamed of fondling her anymore hahahaha. not my finest hour but i dont think it means i am capable of raeping a passed out gurl. i mean the real raepist would have jumped on the opportunity as soon as he realized the gurl was unconscious, tearing her clothes off and sticking it in, and the gurl probably would have felt THAT im sure, and groaned some sort of sound of non-consent but been too weak or scared to physically fight back.

so certainly i didnt do anything like that, and wouldnt WANT to.

but i honestly think she was just out cold the whole time i was touching her leg.

either way, pretty creepy hahahahahaha.

i mean i might not respect women but im not gonna RAEP them. if they tell me no then i take that no means no. besides, i dont usually ever REALLY WANT to have secs anyway because i am hella nervous and the woman has to do a HELL of a lot to make me comfortable with her. like i say the first time i had secs i was not comfortable with it at all. second time i was markedly more comfortable but still not very. and that was it. i had a CHANCE to have secs one more time, with a different gurl, but i was nervous THEN too, and decided i was much more comfortable with just makign out with her and fondling her Genitalia with my hand. and that WAS very fun. but that was my last chance, and so in hindsight, i wish i had just stuck it in.

it takes TIME to be THAT COMFORTABLE with someone! and with that woman, i knew her for long enough to finally become THAT comfortable wiht her!

but yeah the SECOND you get feelings you HAVE to tell the gurl, so you dont dig yourself into a damn hole.

its also confusing when some qt girl is making out with you and lettng you pound her pvssy……and then you start liking her, and get confused when she doesnt like you, just wants to keep it CHILL and CASUAL. wtf?

i havent had that lately tho hahaha. i dont raelly like associating with loose women like that. i hope SHE doesnt do shit like that……but it wouldnt MATTER anymore would it? i just didnt want to be wrong about her being a whore. i STILL dont want her to be a whore. id rather her be a totally immature Ghoster than to be a promiscuous casual whore. its just an unnatural disgusting way for women to be. kinda like bestiality hahahaha.

its totally R selection and not K selection.

so i guess the infamous book “sex at dawn” is in support of female promiscuity and r selection and shit. fook that degenerate shit. so this way whole villages would take care of children because noone knew who the father was, so all people pitched it as communal fathers. fook that shit. like any healthy society does that for long. those people get rightly conquered by stronger, better, more k-selected societies.

anyway its not like i wasnt TYRING to tell her i had feelings. i just couldnt get any time alone with her and i was too stubborn to talk at the job. doing stupid phone calls all day. why couldnt we just. shit we could have just gone to starbucks after work  or go to a restaurant after work like we USED TO. shit we had our best conversations at those times. well now we both worked longer, and did not get out at the same time. so fookin hell. why not hang out on a day off. and i tried. and she was not willing. but she said was willing………just not right now. and then it turned into one of THOSE things. keep saying later later later and attempting to sweep it under the rug. i could not do that forever. just a few months of it was bad.

hey she coulda said yeah lets hang out right now and talk about this stuff and get it out in the open and over with.

ok gotta go to fatness club. i was looking at “common filth” and thats not a good influence hahaha. but at least he KNOWS what he is seeing is degenerate, unlike delicious tacos. well, somewhat unlike DT. as a handsome smart white man, I will never believe DT is beyond redemption. he just needs to really WANT to not be a degen. but how do you teach that. you can lead them to water but not make them drink.

being a lazy loser is the most degen thing i do now. and i think that is better than Pozzing and Traps and Genderqueer and being a Zooophile or Casual Fun or women giving away a 90000000000000 dollar babymaker for .000000000000000000001 cent, or porno.

its degrading.

well what does DEGRADING mean.

yeah id take her back. but we would have to have serious talks on the reg. and i would never be afraid to blurt out important shit. say we need to talk.

then i would say we need to talk every damn day and push her away with too much talking or wanting to talk hahahaha and she would say i cant take this any more im done, i need a less insecure guy hahahaha.

although maybe i would make her needy for ME if i gave her enough good manly poundings hahahaha.

ok better go already.