DO YOU REALLY **NEED** TO BE WITH 4 GUYS BEFORE YOU GET MARRIED?

june 25

saturday, beautiful day, wont be able to enjoy beautiful days when you are WORKING, hehehehe. so sad.

well try to apply for these Premium Sweet Jobs today. I set up DAILY alerts on indeed for muh top companies so that I get new jobs THE DAY they are posted at this company. protip, do this.  if you can sign up on the company job site for alerts as soon as new jobs are posted, fine, but some companies dont let you. because they dont know how to Properly Source Candidates hahaha. thats why they pay Recruiters to make job postings FOR them. good god. its STUPID.  and you see how dumb the recruiters are. how can you have RESPECT for a company that uses such sleazy recruiters? its UNPROFESSIONAL and EMBARRASSING.

you are a fortune 500 company and you cant do better than hiring a shitty mushmouthed recruiter who searches for resumes on indeed and careerbuilder for a list of technical WORDS ????!?!?!?!?! a recruiter whos never done a technical job and has no idea what the companies REALLY want or need, but then neither does the company, because the managers at the company don’t really know what their technical people DO either.

kind of like it was embarrassing for our company to have woefully undertrained peopel on the front lines simply acting as messengers for the Hidden Elite who didnt want to take calls.

well, to be fair, when a case was actually escalated, then the Elite would make phone calls as they worked on the case. and plenty of them found ways to be jooish about it. like i called you once for clarification, you were in a meeting, therefore i couldn’t get clarification, therefore i am closing the case. call one of our clueless tier 1 people to try to get it re-escalated, and then we will start working on it again in 48 hours from THAT.

and just the fact you can’t really talk to your coworkers and really LEARN shit because you are ALWAYS ON THE PHONE. the queue is always at max level. they will send people home if there are not a lot of calls. rather than say TRAIN THEM MOAR.

shit. she got a new job even though her linkedin profile is full of spelling and grammar and punctuation and logical errors. because companies are so DESPERATE to put bodies in call center seats. I just hope she’s taking stupid calls, feeling like she’s DROWNING, and not a stupid LEVEL 2 who’s essentially pushing level 1’s heads under the water, because she doesnt know what to do, but she’s not part of the punished caste who has to take those calls and forced to give the runaround and be like sorry, nothing we can do, no you can’t speak to someone else, no I can’t tell you why we can’t help you, just that we can’t, sorry, no you can’t dispute or appeal this, i mean you can TRY calling back and hope you get a better level 1 than me, but you might get a worse one too, sorry sorry sorry, nothing i can do, please hang up now because i’ll get in trouble if i hang up on you.

then you just give up and hang up on them and hope you dont get caught hehehe.

i actually never did that. but i might have transferred people to a level 1 person of a different department who PROBABLY could not help them either and PROBABLY transferred them right back to my department, hehe.

i hate to overestimate how much i mean to women. like i think a woman really values me…..but they don’t.

this is why this takes TIME. for example, the fact that we were friends for 2.5 years. we HAD that long term time together to know this just wasnt a passing phase for her, like so many dicks on the coch carousel, like so many pseudo relationships and lovers thrown away and replaced like robots.

no. we hung out over time and i began to TRUST her when she said I was one of her important top tier friends. she didn’t have many fake shit tier friends anyway. she would just leave those people anyway. like she eventually left me hahahaha. but they were drunks and drug addicts and real losers. and apparently i was just as bad as them.

and she was so moral she didnt even FOOK these losers hehehe. such a GOOD woman. congratulations, bitch, you dont fook obvious losers. what a SAINT. you get a fookin PROMOTION for not making babies with drug addicts. so EXTRAORDINARY and AWESOME of you not to abuse your SACRED RESPONSIBILITY with the WORST POSSIBLE men. im so PROUD of your ACHIEVEMENT.

bitches and whores!

i tried to watch “some like it hot” yesterday because i heard it was really good….but it was both ultra corny and degenerate. i dont like that degenerate WHORE marilyn monroe. why do you NEED to be with SO MANY guys? you DONT! you DONT! i just dont like her. jack lemmon and tony curtis were all right…..but do you notice how the agent who books them is very obviously a member of the tribe?  and i bet this damn movie was written by one too.

written and directed by billy wilder. i KNOW he was a J. total J from southern poland / galicia. born samuel wilder.

MARILYN MONROE WAS NOTHING BUT A DEGENERATE WHORE.

so i hate it when other women praise her as some awesome women. when she was nothing but a degenerate whore.

the hateful way i talk about women, its a red flag!

NO ITS NOT! it means I still know how to discern a good woman from a degenerate whore!

and its so sad to fall in LOVE with a good woman and then she starts sliding down to degenerate whore, and nothing you can do can stop it, because she doesnt care what you think.

heh. i am watching a stupid program about marilyn monroe. that whore fooked EVERYBODY. her first husband, a normie working class man. just used him as a meal ticket to advance her pornographic career.

then fooked EVERYBODY. huge hefner. joe dimaggio. arthur miller. tony curtis. marlon brando. john kennedy. bobby kennedy. frank sinatra. dean martin.

do you REALLY need to fook TEN guys in your life? NEVER!

 

i’m sure these men saw her as a Hot Mess who was an Easy Fook. so they pumped her and dumped her. especially near the end, once it was more obvious what a piece of shit she was.

women don’t even understand this. so next time you see some woman praising marilyn monroe, calmly, coolly mansplain to them what a degen whore she was, and if they dont end up agreeing with you, pump and dump the broad. just like what happened to their degen role model. some role model. a role model for being a degen whore.

well i wont drink again but i would totally abuse other drugs heheheh. i could totally abusing benzos because they chill you out like alcohol.

i dont want another woman to be muh wife. i dont want to be with any other women.

and since i cannot be with her i will hate her and hate all women hahahaha.

like i said i am in a TOTAL WOMAN HATING PHASE right now for at least another 6 months. till the end of 2016.

well i dont hate all women. just i dont have any interest in them other than banging the qt ones. and i dont have the power to do that. the only woman i really luv, that is done, and i am still grieving that. DEAL WITH IT.

IM dealing with it, by being in the middle of the process of grief. trust the process, RESPECT the process. so now YOU can deal with THAT. i know you WOMEN don’t understand GRIEVING for a Lost Love for a YEAR. cuz people, love, secs, hearts, relationships just dont MEAN that much to you. you people.

i mean its definitely in the latter half of that grief. the grief is not nearly as PARALYZING and DEVASTATING as it once was. but i still dont want to be with anybody else. I cant see anyone else replacing her. and i WANT to replace the SHIT out of that bitch hahahaha. i want to forget i ever met that bitch.

i mean she can replace ME, of COURSH i want to replace HER!

but i just dont think thats possible right now. i still need to wait more TIME, and THEN find someone who is SO awesome that they make me forget all about HER.  for a guy who does not meet many women, let alone attractive women, let alone get along with them REALLY WELL, this does not seem super likely. let alone women who do not want to be with more than 3 guys before getting married hahahaha.

oh i dont NEED to be with more than 3 guys, i just WANT to! secs is FUN you puritan prude! its FUN!

no its NOT FUN, its the Sacred Life Creation Process! The fact that it makes your cl1t FEEL GOOD is a BY PRODUCT!!!!!! muh feels muh dick muh cl1t muh tingles. you fooking INGRAS.

yes, i will concede that most degen normies think sex is FUN, but its only FUN so as to MAKE people WANT to do it so the SPECIES REPRODUCES. its fun BECAUSE it creates life. NOT because its JUST FUN.

tell the women, do you want your MOTHER to be a slut? what would your MOTHER say if she knew you were a SLUT?

ideally you would say father, but women dont have fathers, or their fathers are deadbeats who dont care, or pvssies who can’t influence shit.

so yeah ideally when a woman is a slut, she AND her father should be publicly flogged, then her head shaved.

WARNING: ONYL LISTEN TO THIS BORING ALBUM IF YOU ARE HAVING TROUBLE SLEEPING

for some reason i was called to put this album in muh listening queue. melodic death metal from finland. i havent even listened to it. but i hear it is melodic and melancholic. death metal. melodeth. i hope it is not too modern. i hope the singer has a deeper voice and not a higher voice. i guess there’s probably not any blast beats. and it is very Clearly produced. not sure why i was called to listen to melodic death metal at this moment, and in particular this band. maybe cause i have heard of them for a while but never listened to them. and i like finns.

it may suck or more likely just be boring and overrated and boring hahaha.

i am starting to get bored of goatwhore again, their later albums are better than i initially thought but they are kind of growers and the riffs dont SHOW as much as on the earlier albums.

anyway this insomnium could suck. another thing i have on the queue after this amon amarth. who i sorta know what they sound like. melodic viking death metal. but i want something more melancholic. but its gotta be CATCHY.

so yeah. if all your mansplaining isnt helping a gurl understand that being a slut is BAD….pump and dump.

how would you feel if your mother is a slut? many times the mother IS! but that doesnt mean the daughter cant feel bad about it!

how would your mother feel if you were a slut? if the mothers a slut, she might not care.

just ask them how many abortions theyve had!

just ask them how many guys theyve been with!

I do regret not asking those questions directly of the 2 sluts i have been with. like after you banged them hard and they are cuddling with you and fee dominated and protected by you, you just ask. say babe, how many guys you been with.

then theyll say, what do you mean been with?

then come right back with, well i mean sex. whether its short term or long term. one night, one month, one year, friends with benefits….ANYTHING. How many guys have you had secs with. whats your NUMBER.

her: why do you want to know?

you: i’m just curious. I’ll tell you if you tell me. I just want to know how special I should feel now, or if you’ve done this with lots of guys, hahahahahahaha.

her: SHUT UP.

and then bang her again. maybe blast it on her face. take some pictures with your phone. or videos. you can put them on the internet later. send them to her mother, father, boifran, grandmother, children, friends, etc.

then ask her again.

so, you didnt answer my question. what’s your number.

must be pretty high if you dont want to tell me! what are you, some kind of slut or something? what, you been with more than 20 guys?

and then you might get them to admit theyve been iwth 10 or 15 guys.

STILL TOO MANY.

anything mroe than THREE is TOO MANY.

more than THREE, then theyre a SLUT. PERIOD.

they dont take sex SERIOUSLY enough.

they dont have RESPECT for human LIFE.

thats why they throw people away like they arent even humans.

they have sex with people and it means NOTHING.

they have relationships, even long term, with people and it means NOTHING.

they are sociopaths who stop just short of overt violence and murder (except for abortion!) and are satisfied “just” to break hearts in torturous, obscene, evil, satanic, j00ish ways

WOMEN: SERIAL HEART KILLERS. 

torture porn. its not just disgusting jooish movies. its the jooish way women have sick pseudo relationships and Mutilate and Desecrate Human Hearts, leaving a trail of ruined men in her wake.

again, this is why you always ask the woman if any of the men she’s dumped have K’d themself. not that they’d tell you the truth, hahahaha, but they will know you are on to their wicked game!

200th job!!!! 200th job application!!!!

actually probably a bit more. its just the 200th application acceptance email in my applied jobs folder folder, since i Got Serious with muh job search in april, about 2 months ago hehehe. sheeeeit march 21, about THREE months ago. 200 jobs, 3 months. 65 jobs a month, hmmm i can certainly do better than that hahahaha.

well remember i would often slow down on weekends and also days where i had interviews.

great post on daily stormer , quote:

I ran into a man today who I knew growing up, he was a few years younger than me and now 30 at the time of running into each other.
As a young man I remember him as highly intelligent, hard working, honest and reliable.
I ran into him while taking my daughter for our evening walk (I walk and she sits in the radio flyer with her stuffed animals)
He was in a neighbors front yard pushing a lawnmower for a living.
We said hello and I asked what he’s been doing in the years since we last spoke.
Poor guy tried college but couldn’t afford it, military wouldn’t take him due to chrome’s disease as a child, corporation’s wouldn’t hire him due to no college and therefore no experience, city employment never panned out because the lists are drawn randomly with set minority hire quotas per random (white) draw.

We said goodbye and as I walked off I nearly shed tears for this poor guy.

This is the plight of the American white male, we have no future in this America.
I am fortunate enough to be a very inteligent and hard working person, and I have very lucrative employment.
But had it not been for my time in the military; I would most likely suffer the same fate as this young man I happened across.

I see this everyday, hard working, smart, honest white kids working for minimal cash in no skill jobs.
That’s all white men are entitled to these days – if we’re lucky enough that a Mexican doesn’t beat us to the job.

The people who have done this to us will pay one day.

The prosperity of this nation belongs to the white youth.
Our ancestors built it, and it belongs to us.
We refuse to share our prosperity any longer.

In my brief conversation with him I hinted at my white pride and pointed out that his woes are due to the color of his skin and he agreed.

We need to target the young men of this nation to join our ranks, it is they who suffer the fallout of this j00 democracy worst of all.

He and all white men like him are in my prayers.
I would like them better my side in revolt.

END QUOTE

same guy says: Good fathers make faithful daughters.

GOOD FATHERS MAKE FAITHFUL DAUGHTERS. 

took 4.44 miler

that insomnium…..i deleted it hehehe. i guess try the amon amarth nao.

so this is insomniums highest rated album, people raving about it. it sounded nice and heavy but…..it sounded just like a more boring version of DARK TRANQUILLITY. and you know why I stopped listening to THEM? BECAUSE THEY GOT TOO BORING!!!!

so this is like listening to the latest dark tranquillity albums.

dark tranquillity was a great band who had several GREAT albums: the gallery, projector, damage done, character, fiction, haven.

great band, great albums.

and there songs are way more memorable and catchy.

and then eventually they lost their luster and became less inspired, more boring, going in circles, not sounding so fresh.

i mean its good to listen to in the background….but metal is not good background music, you need something chiller. but the insomnium just doesnt GRAB you.

yes the production is good, everything is technically good….but dark tranquillity did this a LOT better on THEIR good albums.

also i like it when finnish bands dont sound so swedish. dont play it so safe. have something a little weird and finnish about them. insomnium did not. they just sounded like boring late era dark tranquillity. NO THANKS.

i mean it didnt sound BAD. i could see lots of metal fans liking this because it’s heavy, its melodic, it sounds good. but the riffs are boring and not catchy enough. INTO THE OVEN IT GOES. disappointing.

this amon amarth better be a lot better. “with oden on our side.” just pagan viking beer drinking stuff. they have been around forever but i never really listened to them. always coming out with new albums, occasionally even touring and playing shows in muh citay.

today i thought: i am to blame. she would have treated me a lot better if i had just asserted myself like a MAN and put her in her PLACE. passed the SHIT TEST in other words. been like this ends now, you don’t treat me like that. i guess you can slap the bitch in the mouth (not advocating violence or abuse hehehe). so whats the RIGHT way to put a bitchy woman in her PLACE like a MAN? cuz they LIKE a strong man who can put them in their PLACE! i imagine you cant get too MAD because that means youre losing control.  uhhh you treat them like they are the bratty sister. you can’t be like the stern father because the father CARES too much. it MATTERS too much to him.

do you just say shut the fook up bitch, you dont talk to me like that. yes. say that, but say it with kind of a smirk.

so if i had done that, been assertive, she would have chose me?

if i had STOOD UP to her BULLSHIT, the woman of muh dreams wouldnt have LEFT me?

i MADE her leave me because i was weak?!?!?!

i KNOW women HATE weak doormat men. but i still dont think I  MADE her.

but i sure wont be such a damn DOORMAT again and will handle SHIT TESTS better. be like stop this bullshit bitch, you dont treat me like that, you little brat. then give them a good spanking and then a good pounding.

if good fathers make faithful daughters, it only makes sense that bad father make UNfaithful daughters. IN GENERAL. she had a bad father. she hated cheating and she had never cheated…..but was she FAITHFUL to me, in the sense of being LOYAL? in the sense of being there for me, not abandoning me? shit NO! could I ever TRUST her again after this? FOOK NO!!! this is not cheating or betrayal….but it DOES destroy trust. and its kinda like a quasi-betrayal.

june 26

note, the dark tranquillity damage done album is a good bit heavier than the above projector album, and damage done is a great example of what insomnium seems to be aiming for…..but falls woefully short.

projector has more clean singing and is not AS heavy….but it is still great with great songs. classic songs.

maybe im confusing insomnium with omnium gatherum. maybe that is supposed to be the good one.

applied to 3 jobs on a sunday hahaha. if i want to get up to 100 jobs a month and not a mere 60, got to shoot for 3 jobs every day.

another thing i am going is grading/ranking each job posting with a grade, a, b, or c, as i bookmark it. it is a quick decision. then put a b c and any other notes in the title of the book mark

so i can quickly identify the jobs from that list that i really want to apply for, and do those first

had soem kind of weird nightmare last night that i had to force myself awake from

would still totally bang and date that woman, want to bang her more than i want to bang any other woman, she is still the secsiest woman in the world.

OBVIOUSLY i try to destroy these thoughts. because I will NEVER bang her, and many other guys will / are. get that big white ass bending over for their coch o god. TOO MUCH. and she cant even RESPOND to me. because i am a WEAK, supplicating, doormat who women hate. they disrespect this even MORE than I, the worlds biggest slut-hater, hate sluts!!!!!!

i honestly want to bang her more than some beautiful 20 year old gurl. that woman and her weird face and weak chin and 25 year old body. this is what True Luv does. Makes you want to bang this one woman, above all other women, even objectively hotter ones, for a solid YEAR after you never see them again.

you havent seen them for a year, yet you still luv them and find them hawtter than some 20 year old aryan goddess in a wheat field. this is the bond, attachment, addiction of true luv!

well at least i applied to 4 jobs on a sunday, while my competition is…..working 7 days a week hahahaha. really i have a work ethic that is WELL below average. Why do I think I deserve to make the AVERAGE wage of 14 dollars an hour?

i guess a good way to respond to shit test is to do the “suck it” “crotch chop” saying that you couldnt take the person LESS seriously. but what if it IS a serious issue? tell them to SUCK IT anyway. because you dont take them seriously. if they leave you you dont care, you have a STABLE of BETTER women. women who are THINNER, YOUNGER, PRETTIER, and DRESS better. make fun of her WEIGHT and her CLOTHES.

i was always nice to EVERYONE.  i didnt learn until i was like 21+ that being nice to women doesnt work. I had my suspicions but I still grew up treating EVERYONE nice. then wondered why women didnt like me hahahaha. i had to unlearn what i had learned in other words, get out of my comfort zone, and LEARN/practice how to treat women like shit, hahahahaha. i still have a long ways to go! because i could not be more single and lonely hahahaa.

TREAT EM LIKE THE PIGS THEY ARE!!!!!!

they just HAD to be with 4 or men before they were married, because SECS IS FUN!!!!!! #YOLOLOLOLOL

because you dont HAVE to get preggers because BIRTH CONTROL.

this is the way they think. muh dick. muh tingles. muh cl1ts. muh multiple orgasms, multiple partners.

fooking ingras.

why is the one with the super K-selected BODY so r-selected in MIND?

why is the one with such a HUHWHYTE body so INGRISH in mind?

well, theyre not like INGRAS per se, more like CHILDREN.

and ingras are kinda like children too.

ok will go for a 4.44 and listen to DARK TRANQUILLITY. hell i would rather give the newer dark tranquillity albums (we are the void, construct) a try than listen to that totes boring insomnium again. i mean i guess their hearts are in the right place, but why would you devote so much time and effort of your free time to making such boring music? better to stay at WORK, make MONEY, and have some more damn finnish CHILDREN guys. Just retire now and have more KIDS. you are getting a TERRIBLE return on investment for investing your time and effort in a BAND. most bands are like this. men who work hard and then they sacrifice their PRECIOUS free time to make mediocre music nobody likes. NO JUST NO. hang it up and just have CHILDREN instead.

a mediocre white CHILD is 900000000000000000000000000 times better than a mediocre white band. 

accepted a linkedin invite from a Bliggity Black Sales Rep I have never met.

really. being in a band is SUCH a time committment. here you are, an adult man making 20 dollars an hour, working 50 hours a week, and now you’re gonna commit at LEAST 4 hours a week to this BAND and musical stuff? if not 8? coordinating the efforts of 3 or 4 or 5 working men to meet After Work, Practice, Rehearse, etc. being in a band is not worth it unless you are a total loser at life AND are VERY talented musically.

i mean most guys in bands are making 20 dollars an hour at least as skilled tradesmen. not making minimum wage like mcdonalds ingras and neets.

so focus on making children and you will be a better FATHER than you are a MUSICIAN. MUSIC SUCKS.

did a 4.44 miler, should have done a 5 miler

it doesnt really matter that i was a weak pussy who didnt stand up to her. that STILL doesnt give her the right, still doesnt mean she’s RIGHT, still doesnt mean i deserved this, OR made her do this, OR brought this all on myself. it is OBJECTIVELY, ABSOLUTELY IMMORAL to throw away someone when you KNOW them.

it’s still immoral to treat someone you DONT know like garbage…..but it sorta makes more sense. people who barely know each other fook each other and throw each other away all the time. its HARDER to throw someone you actually KNOW away. you have more of a CONSCIENCE about it. and RIGHTFULLY SO! AS YOU SHOULD.

its almost more acceptable, less immoral, if you dont really know the person. but when you DO know the person. WOW. it takes extreme coldness to be able to do that to them.

like i could see myself pumping and dumping some slut now, just treating her like garbage and throwing her away, using her as fook meat, and then ignoring her forever……but NOT IF I KNEW HER!!!!!!!

just a crazy degen slut you meet, quickly fook, fook them a few times, realize they’re too crazy and you dont want to fook them any more, so you just ignore, avoid, block and Ghost them. but you never really KNEW them. you never really LIKED them. you werent REAL FRIENDS with them for ALMOST THREE YEARS. lucky if three weeks.

blockchain sets the same transaction fee whether you send 50 cents or 50 dollars. stupid. i assumed it would be a fixed percentage of the amount you wanted to send. apparently not.

 

HOW TO STOP GETTING FLUSTERED BY BAD CUSTOMERS ASKING CONFUSING QUESTIONS

you Just Do It hahahaha. i wish i could answer that. I have to pretend i am good at that. sometimes i am, sometimes i am godawful. but just pretend you are a boss at it all the time. i guess determine How IMportant the customer is, how much revenue do they add, how big is the actual problem, then make an educated guess, but say it firmly and make it sound like an Absolutely Conclusive answer. unless your manager is WILLING and HAPPY to take tough questions. then thank THEM, apologize to THEM, and have them Educate you on what THEY said to the asshole, so that you dont have to waste their precious time on that issue again hahahaha.

114

trying to reduce effect of coffee irritating stomach/intestints, by making weaker coffee. down from 8 scoops to 7 scoops now 6 scoops.

how to stop getting confused so easily, so often. i think i get confused even when im not confused. that deep down i understand stuff better than i think i do. just when somebody puts you on the spot for an explanation…..i get nervous, i get flustered, i forget that i do understand shit.

how to stop getting flsutered so easily.

http://www.ourhealth.com/conditions/i-cannot-get-a-diagnosis/confused-frustrated-extreamly-embarrased-and-its-getting-worse

technically smart guy gets confused and flustered easily which makes him look dumb at work, loses respect of everybody there, takes prozac and adderall for ADD but doesnt seem to be helping too much. people on thread suggest anxiety, to thyroid, to BIPOLAR. lately i have been worried i might actually be BIPOLAR, but then i say, no, i’m not MANIC when i get anxious, i’m just SUPER ANXIOUS. anxiety is not mania…….is it?  i could see it def being a possible PART of mania though. some people were convinced he was bipolar.

http://forums.psychcentral.com/other-mental-health-discussion/313659-why-am-i-so-confused-all-time.html

http://forums.phoenixrising.me/index.php?threads/does-anyone-else-get-easily-confused.6732/

they get easily confused and get treated like an idiot. ME/chronic fatigue. not sure what ME is.

Myalgic encephalomyelitis (ME)/Chronic Fatigue Syndrome (CFS), also known chronic fatigue and immune dysfunction syndrome (CFIDS), is a complex and  ..

ok ME is CFS. i thought i had that at one time too since i had no energy and am so lazy!

brain fog, easy for predators to take advantage of you, try to intentionally confuse and scam you

well these CFS people seem to get even MORE confused than i do, but they are also less anxious, less despairing.

so….i worry all the time which leads to anxiety which leads to confusion and stress and confusion and anxiety and worry and all that is exhausting but it also keeps my mind racing but not in a productive way at all, but a confused way, and that plus failing at everything makes me pessimistic and despairing.

http://www.webmd.com/bipolar-disorder/guide/bipolar-2-disorder

well if anything i would have bipolar 2, which is the next thing after depression hahahaha.

how to stop getting FLUSTERED so easily

http://boards.straightdope.com/sdmb/showthread.php?t=411377

guy gets big last minute projects dumped on him at work that MUST be 100% perfect, no room for .1% mistakes, will always be rememberd by management as huge mistakes. jeez.

find a new line of work buddy. try a call center. if thats too stressful try a restaurant. if thats too stressful try retail or fast food. if thats too stressful try stripping. if thats too stressful try crime hahahahahahahahahahaha.

http://www.vogue.com.au/forums/showthread.php?t=111489

http://www.cbsnews.com/news/5-steps-to-becoming-unflusterable/

let yourself worry for 20 minutes and then say thats enough, i got my 20 minutes in.

had dream last night featuring woman2005b aka woman4. i got a mad crush on her but she didnt like me because i was a drunk fool. i liked her because she was not a slut and kinda virginal and inexperienced and nerdy and introverted and awkward and weird, plus very cute. also she was white and not j00ish so thats good hahahahaha. she might have actually been asexual or a lesbian, dont know, not sure if she knew at that time. anyway in the dream we were kind of cuddling and making out, but not making out in a slutty this is going to lead to secs NOW sort of way, where you are spitting in each others mouths and groping each others crotches. but just gentle innocent tongueless kissing like they did in the more prudent 1950s or some shit, and some G rated cuddling and maybe hand holding. see i like this over that more overtly sexual stuff. which is why i prefer women that are more…..”romantic” than “SEXUAL”.  good lord just SOFTEN the edges a little bit, be a little bit more of a prude, and she was a great prude, and I saw some of that in my former female friend too. that prudishness and Sexual Innocence. i LOVE that. makes me develop real feelings for the woman. i like a woman who takes secs seriously and who isnt giving it away to every tom dick and harry. every chad and tyrone hahahaha.

anyway she was in the prime of youth then and is Now Over 30. holy shit! now she’s OLD! she probably hasnt hit the WALL yet. she’s in good health and probably still looks good and wont hit the WALL until 40, so good for her. she was a hard worker and had a Notable Career in Nonprofits. i always wondered if she ended up riding the Chad Carousel after she started her Career in DC. More than likely! then she’ll hit The Wall sooner.

if she really were a prude she would try to get transferred out of DC into the third world she was so interested in hahaha. maybe she did. maybe she was that weird. good for her. but she could still ride the Chad Carousel there too. but then it would just be weird.

but it was nice to have this dream where i was having fun making out with a woman who WASNT You Know Who. That Person. THAT PERSON.

damn she really ruined my YEAR hahahaha.

shit yeah i would still “take her back” if she came back. (she wont come back hahaha.) i would probably take ANY of the women back, after all these years. well, i would definitely use them as a fook dumpster at the very least, bang them 1000 times at MY convenience, until i got tired of them and totally put the lie to the idea that i could have EVER loved them, because now they were just an old piece of spent fook meat that i was DONE with!!!!! well, half of the women were worth that, the other half were actually decent women, so i could still possibly date them. if they hadnt’ gone and become degenerates themselves in the interim years. which they well could have.

just because a woman hasnt become a degenerate by age 24 doesnt mean she wont Turn Bad after that! it happens!

sure, most degen women will have turned long before that, like by age 20 or 21, but some women last through All Of College without doing the Chad Carousel, but then they START doing so AFTER college, when in Grad/Law Skool, or Career in the Big City.

well at least they have careers and secs lives hahahahaha. they are making something of themselves, being productive members of society, not being lazy loser deadbeats complaining about their anxiety and worries and low self esteem and no confidence and not being able to deal with life hahahahaha

i should take the political compass.org test so you know where i stand politically! i would guess Right Of Center, almost FASCIST. but i tolerate gays. but i dont tolerate open relationships and degeneracy. lets find out lolololol…

https://www.politicalcompass.org/yourpoliticalcompass?ec=-0.63&soc=0.72

holy shit i am almost dead center. but technically a “left authoritarian.” well i could see RIGHT authoritarian or even right libertarian.

i cant explain it to you and i cant understand it for you hahahaha

i was googling what to do when someone wants an explanation, and you cant give it, becuase you dont understand it yourself.

https://www.mentalhelp.net/advice/my-partner-of-6-years-suddenly-left-with-no-explanation-and-has-completely-shut-me-and-my-kids-out-elise/

not related to that really but reminds me of what i went through with THAT PERSON. i didnt even WANT an EXPLANATION from her, I just wanted her to SAY SOMETHING to me and be NICER to me and to say she didnt hate me, she appreciated our time together, but now she wants to end. no explanation needed, just a Compassionate Talk to TRY to lessen hurt feelings.

https://www.mentalhelp.net/advice/26-year-old-virgin/

unrelated, 26 year old virgin. male of course. there are a LOT of these, so dont be ashamed for being a 26 27 or even 30 year old virgin. it seems there are a decent number of 22 year old virgin women, but havent seen many virgin women older than that. oh well. i would GLADLY take a 22 year old virgin hahaha but 22 is too young for me to realistically pull hahaha.

oh god she was 24/25, she was a great age, THAT PERSON, obviously i like younger women because i like innocent, inexperienced, nonslut women, and most women are all whored up by 24, but not her! and when am i ever gonna meet another nonwhore 24 or 25 year old!!!

angelo john gage

What happened to men, women, and relationships?

good straight shooting vidya by a guy who immediately made a good impression on me. he only “awoke” not too long ago but he seems to get it, and talks REAL TALK. warning: he is pro-white hahahaha so if you dont like that, keep having bastard babies with tyrone who look NOTHING like you hahahaha until one of the tyrones eventually beats or gats you to def.

he is a little “too macho new joisey” type guy but I dont mind that much. i mean men should be men. i wish iwere more masculine!!!!!!!! then i might be able to pull gurls like this guy! he says he went through a hedonistic womanizing phase where he was banging a bunch of gurls at the same time, and did not want a committment. of course we can never know that feel, hahaha. but one day he met a Great Decent woman, who made him want to be Loyal, and give up his hedonistic degenerate lifestyle, and proved NAWALT hahaha. he dated her for several years and now they have a white babby he is very proud of.  well good for him. i would love to find a Nurturing White Woman who likes the idear of motherhood, and then make white babies with her. its just hard to make that much money that you need to be a good Husband and Father, what a sick sad world we live in, this is how the Bankster Elites destroy families and enslave the goyim and attempt to turn us all into r-selected muds breeding like rats and having cheap worthless lives.

also looks like he is really controversial on youtube and might be plant or a shill. oh well this vidya is good.

what to say when you cant explain something

yeah i just fooking HATE that THAT PERSON gets to keep doing good at her job, making money, being well liked, while I just totally fell apart and basically threw like $30,000 down the toilet because of a damn woman i never even really Dated hhahahahahaha and im gonna be the hysterical basket case who quits jobs cuz i cant handle stress, and she continues working stressful jobs, handling it, getting promoted, making enough money to live independently, have children, etc, and she might even want to have children some day. i would love to have children someday but i cant even make enough money to support myself, let along children, so i get JEALOUS of people with children. and FORGET finding a decent woman to have children with.

yep wish i never met her. there are actually very few people i wish i never met. because i had to really like them, then really dislike them. i guess “woman3” / woman2005a might be one of them, although i feel much more neutral of her now, 10 years later. but the timing on that was really bad. i was very upset when she “dumped” me from our pseudorel, and it caused a lot of drama, right as i graduated College, and i wonder if i didn’t have that drama, i would have been more mature and responsible about finding a decent Entry Level job right away, when its easier to do so, but instead, i was getting emotional and drinking too mcuh and worried about some dumb woman.

but i was immature anyway and really shouldnt have been at that college to begin with! i was never a great student, so it only makes sense that i was not a great postcollege job seeker.

but im not TOO mad about that. other than she became an intellectual phd even though i was 90000000000000 times smarter than her! now she’s a Well Paid Respected PHD professor and i cant even make 15 DAH! I get dumped by PHD’s, I get dumped by white trash gurls with associates degrees hahahahaha.

ive gotten dumped by cheaters, ive been dumper by babykillers, ive been dumped by bipolars, ive been dumped by eating disorder gurls.

115

http://lifehacker.com/5805406/a-step-by-step-guide-to-getting-better-customer-service?trending_test_d&utm_expid=66866090-62._DVNDEZYQh2S4K00ZSnKcw.4

http://positivesharing.com/2006/07/why-the-customer-is-always-right-results-in-bad-customer-service/

http://news.foodfacts.info/2006/08/mcdonalds-employee-has-mcrules-for-you.html

oh the comments hahahaha

THE CUSTOMER IS ALWAYS RIGHT

http://gizmodo.com/nightmare-stories-of-your-worst-it-jobs-ever-1740606908

shit. these are the types of things i read. my confidence is gone. i didnt really have SUPER bad customers at my last job, nor did i have super bad management or tier 2 support. it could have been a LOT worse. and I was doing pretty well. and in the end it was a WOMAN, not the JOB, which killed me.

second thoughts about quitting? yeah I could probably go back bbbbbut i dont wanna work in a call center wawawawawawawawawawa. the ringing phones, the confusing issues, the nervously trying to bullshit them when you have no idea and you are putting them on hold frantically trying to figure shit out with a foggy mind. it didnt even matter that we had Some Tier 2 Support, and Some Good Managers, and a lot of good people who actually did try to help rather than Dodge Accountability So As To Meet a 20 Minute Average Handle Time. “Handle” meaning just Fob them off and pass the buck and Handle NOTHING.

but with Retail and Food Service, you handle the even worse customers, the joe blows off the street who are psychopath and sociopath that people on the internet complain about and they write books about. just notoriously Bad Customers who will never be satisfied, who LIKE giving poor service workers a hard time. how could you even do that. I ALWAYS think of the person whose job it is to serve me, and appreciate how badly i dont want their job, and the pity and sorrow i feel for THEM, so I am always nice and polite and agreeable.

i can do SOME customer service and I can do it WELL. I just cant do it ALL DAY and i cant do RIDICULOUS shit. unfortunately thats the ENTIRETY of MANY jobs. like i could never be a server. i would quit while working on my first table. i am kinda jealous of people who are good servers and especially those who make a Good Living working in Fine Dining.

heh. i just get too nervous when dealing with hard customers.

google nervous about hard customers / bad customers

and then i get FLUSTERED, and look like an IDIOT, and they want to talk to the MANAGER, then the MANAGER (or whatever higher-up) is mad at ME and wants to force me out of the job hahahaha.

shit. spent the day reading customer service and Bad Customers articles, how to deal with bad customers, then thought shit. got 7.2 miles of walking in. read stupid snagajob.com job search articles where some collegefag got a sweet FT job with benefits at snagajob corporate, and a bunch of horrible unwashing masses commented about how they hadn’t gotten 1 interview in 4 years, i am 62 years old, cant even get a minimum wage retail job, because they cant type hahahahaha. so i dont think this should doom them.

and then went back to my files to look for actual cases, complicated cases, so i can tell stories about them. find complicated cases and then pretend like the caller was angry even if they were not! cuz some of my cases where the caller got frustrated were really stupid cases where nothing got resolved, i had no idea what i was doing in the first month of calls, and they “had to go.” and left before i could resolve or escalate.

also too half dose of nyquil.

 

DONT EVEN WRITE ABOUT IT: WRITING LEADS TO OVERTHINKING/RUMINATING

aug 1 2015

yep things have all gone wrong. who just quits their job because of woman related anxiety? pussy ass cucks, thats who! sissy omega virgins who will NEVER get a gurlfran!

i mean i didnt handle this with the greatest karma, but they handled it even worse imho. but i am jelly that they get to keep a cool head, get to keep their job, and dont look like the crazy psycho unstable party here. so, i am the bad guy here, even though they technically have the bad karma.

so, how do you handle this in an interview?

ok. say this: “I had to take care of some personal issues which necessitated a leave of absence.  This was agreed upon with good terms between myself and management. I had a personal issue with another employee which resulted in irreconcilable differences and compromised production in the working environment. I had  great performance and attendance and am very comfortable using management as references.”

cuz you gotta be positive positive positive.

hehe it is funny i am saying welp its best not to place blame, and even mentioning karma, and i want to blame them as having the bad karma, and give myself the moral high ground of good karma! it is obviously i do not fully grasp karma in my heart. i mean i understand it, but i clearly just dont Believe it apparently. because i want the good karma, and i want them to have the bad karma.

aug 4

well i have determined that EVEN WRITING about this will not do much if ANY good. the best way to erase the woman from my mind (is that even the ideal goal?) is not to write about it for a while at least. i mean damn.

i was very pushy to her because i really really really wanted to talk about the situation. she “punished” me for my “Crime” by refusing to talk to me whatsoever, eventually leading to me being the bad guy by pushing and needing too much. being too needy. not accepting the reality. until eventually i was desperately begging plz respond, and she wouldn’t. so that kinda drove me crazy.  could not deal with it any more.

and of course when you hurt someone and want forgiveness, you have to try to right the wrong. and really the only way i can right the wrong is to leave her completely alone. no contact. well she’s prob blocked my phone anyway, plus i have deleted her phone, so really “best” way i have to contact her is email, and she prob deleted the 2 “important” emails i sent her anyway.

but thing is i dont think im entirely in the wrong. sure i made mistakes but imho she made mistakes too. and i am butthurt about receiving no communication, just frozen out and blocked like i am some stalker abusive x boifran getting a restraining order. hehehehe at least those boifrans get some make out action hahahaha and the woman actually gives some tenderness to them before it all goes wrong.

but yeah its a really bad way for it to end, completely broke my heart, impossible to go back to insane job with the woman, AND have no contact with her, AND see her be all friendly to other people and freezing cold to me, when we used to be super friendly, which led me to believe that we would be able to face problems like mature adults.

and this isnt even a promiscuous modern woman brainwashed sheeple degenerate wh0re modern american poisoned woman! but a fairly low number nice gurl who seemed fairly moral! and they can still do you wrong! are all women REALLY like that? even the Nice ones? of course! hahahaha and that is why i am a broken man woman hater hahahaha. see this is how writing is bad.

there was a point where I was writing tons of draft texts to her, had 40 texts of things i wish i could say, some of them tender, some secsy, some whatever. all beta hahahaa. but it was at THAT TIME that I should have Blurted It Out, becuase it was obvious things were Building Up from being Bottled Up.

also there were always certain conversation topics that we always avoided, like our secs lives, dating, bla bla bla. i should have come right out and said “so, takin many cox? wanna take mine in there while you’re wh0rin in up?” hahahahaha. no only somewhat kidding, she was not wh0ring it up. but i should have been more pushy? about pushing the conversation into those private areas? but i was already too pushy. but better earlier than later? i guess. see this is an exmaple of you think too much about it, you WILL go crazy. overthinking, ruminating, and THIS IS WHAT WRITING LEADS TO.

so we were both wrong. she thinks i was more wrong, i think she was more wrong. i guess i’m not ENTITLED to anything, let alone an explanation, a discussion, or a god damn RESPONSE.

my beef is, we seemed to have a friendly and close enough “friendship” that I thought I was sort of entitled to A Response. i mean you just dont throw away several good years with no response. that is too much for me to handle. so i kept pushing for a response, therefore ensuring i would never get it.

so obviously the best thing i can do now is Let It Go, Pray for Acceptance, Move On; and writing about it is not gonna serve that purpose.

SO, I have trying to spend more time with family, and that is great. i mean they dont fully understand the depths of my luv, and how i can fall so deeply in luv with gurls that i never even really Dated, but they dont really need to understand.  i mean i dont quite understand it myself. i am just grateful to have their support, which is more than most losers have! you don’t need understanding, understanding is totally overrated and useless. you do need support however. support and luv, so i am grateful to have that.

but yeah it IS painful to have everything end this way. i have been watching these tv shows where people still do their jobs despite unbelievable stress, horrible secrets, like they have guilt for murdering people or they hold murderous grudges against their coworkers for years……and yet they are still able to perform their jobs for 40 hours a week. maybe get flustered once in a while. but not as much as I was! also i try to tell myself this is just tv not real life. and that i should not compare myself.

but what about the other people at the job who have fooked each other, had a falling out, and now dont talk to each other any more? theres a little bit of that! and certainly for there to be a falling out, means that one person got feelings! obviously when there is a rejection, theres a winner and a loser, and i was certainly the loser here, because i completely fell apart and had close to a breakdown, and now my life is in ruins, and i am struggling to rebuild it. the Winner goes on with life normally, or at least they are able to continue doing their job, and were less hurt by seeing me, than i was by seeing them.

fook. one of the most painful things is, i thought they cared about me more as a Human Being to be so cold to me. and now they think i am a crazy psychopath, so therefore i am the bad guy, and dont deserve to be treated like a human being. cuz even if she was never in luv with me, she was fairly compassionate and nice to me, and i liked that. i just wanted a little bit more of that, in working thru the ending of it all.

anyway i just try to Jog every day, spend time with family every day, clean room every day and throw shit out, not really write too much like i am doing now, because i THINK about the shit anyway, while i am out jogging, while i am trying to sleep, shit son, it sucks. also my confidence level, which is never high, is at an all time low, and of course you need confidence to Win Jobs. let alone women, but fook im not gonna be caring about women for a while, i have no desire to be with women, cuz she is the only woman i wanted to be with. i suppose i would bang beautiful 18 year olds presenting themselves to me with no effort or charisma or confidence or work on my end……..but thats obviously not gonna happen, and i dont really care about that.

yeah i just thought we were CLOSER than that. i thought the closeness had built up over several years of friendship. and maybe it did. but one person always has the power to take the closeness away, to shut it down. they just dont want to do it any more. they check out. and i guess she really started that process months ago, probably around the same time i developed feelings for her, which she probably picked up on, and that caused her to start to check out, to distance herself, pull away, reject me, push me away, me push her away, to stop being close.

but yeah it sucks to HAVE the closeness, and then to LOSE it. and it bothers me that gurls can have SEX with guys, and not even be close to them.

i mean its one thing for a beta fuccboi cuck to be in love with a gurl after 2 weeks, but that was not the case here. we were Platonic friends for almost 2 years, before my feelings finally converted, and that’s exactly when things started going bad. i mean i was still a loser then, but i was somehow much happier and more confident hahahahaha. not confident enough to be attractive to her hahahaha but still way better than i am now, at rock bottom!

and even when i was at that “peak”, i was not great: i was still a loser, still lazy, still low confidence, still couldn’t get a good job or a good woman hahahaha.

but yeah in the past she might have had compassion for me if i were having a difficult time like i am now. but now its nothing but coldness and anger and bitterness from her, wanting nothing to ever do with me again, not good enough to even talk to, etc. this is the worst case of “PLZ RESPOND” ever hahahaha.

see please respond is meant for omegas who fall in luv with some b1tch after 1 week. this case is totally different. we had closeness built up over the years. but i guess i VOIDED that the instant i got feelings. hehehe the exact reason why i wanted to Talk about the Feelings, was the exact reason she DIDNT want to talk about the feelings.

I wanted to get everything in the open and try to deal with an awkward, difficult situation. it only became more and more awkward and difficult. which increased my efforts to Talk About It, which increased her efforts to Avoid It Altogether and Cut Me Out. we had completely opposite approaches to dealing with the mutually difficult situation.

oh well life goes on. i just hate being abandoned and cut out because our history suggested that she simply had more regard for me than that. if i had a female friend who developed feelings for me after time, and wanted to talk about it, i would talk about it for hours. i would say sorry sorry sorry but i do not share your feelings, what can i do to make this easier for you, but i have to be honest and tell you this isnt gonna work out the way you want it to work out, thats painful, and i am sorry. i would have said something like that. i know we have been friends for a while so i appreciate you as a human being and i do not want to hurt you. that kind of shit.

but yeah writing too much about it already. i should be doing something productive like cleaning, writing this email to my old manager begging for my old job back, jogging. i cannot write like this too much about this situation now. it is hazardous to my health, much like that Relationship was, much like that Job was. and both happening Concurrently was just too much to handle for poor sensitive derpressed low confidence weak omega male me, hahahahaha.

MAKE YOUR OWN CLOSURE

may 2015

yeah buddy. being a slob.  trying to edit older posts. kinda goign thru something right now that would be of benefit to r9k kv types. namely  trying to get things going with a woman, and things look rough, they look bad, not hopeful at all, odds fo success have never been more than 20% at best. it has been causing stress but would like to get some resolution or “closure” as b1tches call it.

but many times, perhaps more often than not, when in the situation of a beta male desiring a woman, the woman won’t give you closure and you have to make your own closure by telling yourself that no closure is good enough. you just take the cold shoulder as your “NO” answer, as your rejection, and slowly move on.

which is tough for kv’s like uss, because it’s better for us to HEAR “NO” than to get nothing, and build up hopes for years. imho.

so yeah it makes it sad and frustrating and gives you no energy.

so if a girl is ignoring you for no good reason, and keeps blowing you off, and tells you that they will hang out soon, getting your hopes up, but that time never comes….. uhh dont keep asking the gurl about it. even though you are kind of entitled to it, because she keeps lying to you saying you will hang out. if you are a true beta then you will carefully ask her to hang out once every two or three weeks, she will keep blowing you off, then after tow or three YEARS you will get the pciture, hahahahahaha. and then you will be visibly older, fatter, balder, and more beta, more kv, lower mate value, bigger loser.

so just ignore the b1tch just like she is doing to you, do NO CONTACT, and maybe she will contact u in a long time, but 90% chance she will just be a huge promiscuous slutwh0re. and u will be horribly crippling derpressed for a long time. so just herb medicinally, dont worry about finding a new job, and just go one day at a time, and try to do other fun things. and h3rb as much as possible.

medical hb is a valid treatment for treatment resistant derpression hahahahaha.

alcohol, opiates, or benzos are NOT.

u would be amazed at the miraculous things do at job. we all have insane responsibilities and . all the while looking like an idiot, because you really dont’ know what youre doing, and your just doing trial and error.

and the company can get away with this because youre not a DOCTOR doing life and death stuff; and you are talking to “internal” not “external” people, so it doesn’t matter if you sound/look dumb; so basically you get no training and get thrown to the wolves and try to survive. and have miraculously survived, but  totally burnt out by now, and want to get away from it

so does it sound good on interviews to say that you have learned how to BULLSH1T well and Fudge The Truth so that you can get yourself out of Difficult Situations by SOUNDING like you know what you’re doing, even though youre jsut doing trial and error?

well you spin it by saying youre not mad about not being trained, because you beleive its the employees job to train himself, not the companies, because thats just them throwing money away. that’s why you come in early one hour and stay late one hour every day, off the clock, so you can train yourself with other people.

so in other words, work 10 unpaid hours a week hahahahahaha

the sad part is, that’s pretty much what  do. would get in at least an hour early just to read and study and research, because you don’t have TIME to do this on the job it’s like taking an EXAM. you can’t study DURING the exam. and all day every day is the exam. you can STUDY when you go home, or get in early, or stay late.

is that normal? convince your interviewers that you like this and think its normal and ok and you excel at it.

SUFFER THE JAPES

may 12

well muh new Running Shoes LOOK great, feel great, tested them out on an official walk, yep thats bretty good mang. I did a good thing. and thank GOD for the privilege of being able to buy a new pair of “running” shoes, when back in the “good old days”, people couldn’t afford shoes PERIOD, and had to tie newspapers and cardboard boxes to their feet!

meanwhile I have dress shoes and running shoes and sandals and slippers and hiking shoes and I am looking to get a pair of army boots. good god.

still looking for my laziness expert since dr mel levine md was completely DISGRACED. but did that discredit his Work on laziness? I can’t even remember what he SAID abotu laziness. he was coming at it from a Neurological Education way, saying that the key to fixing laziness was….improving writing or something. or communication especially writing, to target a very specific set of skills, hehehehehe.

so it was never what i was looking for in the first place. I would have liked something linking laziness more to depression and motivation.

heh. I don’t know if I’m “depressed”, although I have been taking an SSRI for years, But I certainly unequivocally have no motivation whatsoever! (except for banging young gurls of course.)

so yer lazy because you have no motivation, you have no motivation because yer lazy. hehehehe.

lot of rain today so to get a good walk i would have to put on my poncho and Suffer The Japes of all the Gapers, Gawpers, and Japers. first world problems hehehe.

tues may 13

i watch the Job Halp segment on the local news erry day. today they said:

make sure you body language is good. my translation: project confidence with your body lang, mirror the interviewers where you can, look them straight in the eye, smile.

“don’t inflate your resume, like you saved the world at your last job. give them specifics.” I call BS, give them specifics of how you saved the world and are a superhuman.

“don’t say that i’m a workaholic is your biggest weakness. companies want a hard worker and an overachiever, move the needle BLA BLA BLA”. agreed. if anything, say your biggest weakness was that, in the past, you weren’t ENOUGH of a workaholic. but you noticed the problem, and fixed it by working harder, becoming more perfect, improving your performance, and being Always On. Move the Needle.

now, none of us were stupid enough to say imma workaholic to whats yer biggest weakness, but this Recruiter gave it an interesting spin, to say that it’s good to say you ARE a workaholic, because Employers Want Workaholics. So emphasize that. you work furiously and perfectly and very quickly and efficiently.

Also, doing things slowly but surely is bad. you want to do them FAST and sure. FAST AND Careful. There is no tradeoff between speed and quality. you need both high speed AND high quality if you want to be employable.

eh. still gotta write this guy an email. still gotta decide if I should go with him! well simple. if I’m still laid off I will. If I’m not, I won’t. either way I’ll write a great nice email, he’s a great guy and I have the greatest of respect for him.

beautiful day when I expected rain, AND awesome new pair of Running Shoes to try out. hmmm…..

maybe it’s wrongheaded to buy running shoes with the intention of using them for walking. for example, you don’t use running shoes for Basketball, you use Basketball shoes hehehehe. and they have Walking shoes and Hiking Shoes and Outdoor shoes and Cross Training Shoes, and at some point, I Call BS.

the sh1t will wear out in a few months anyway and you will have to buy another pair sooner than you would like anyway.

give “bitstrips” a try on facebook, that sh1t has given me a few days of solid fun, making hilarious comics of myself saying ridiculous things.

went for 3.2 mile powerwalk, it was 80 degrees, humid, and sunny. beautiful day but got REAL sweaty due to all that. it was def time to Break Out The Muscle Shirt to let mah hairy chest breathe.

how do you know if a person is The One? you just know. You know before you even bang them. they drive you crazy and you dream about having a monog rel with them. you don’t get cold feet about the idea of committing to them, heck you secretly WANT it.

heh. this is why you need a job, so you don’t end up watching “bethenny” where they are spinning “The Wheel Of Relationship Torture” and getting opinions from little-known female and male “comedians.”

one item was “wandering eye” then “wont commit” and now the best one…..”LAZY.” which also incorporates “passive” and “laid back” and “chill” and “type b” and “relaxed.” funny how they didn’t immed start talking about Career. it’s moreso vidya games, hanging out with male friends, etc.  and they never talked about career, they just rambled a bit, boring really, then spun the wheel and got “homebody.” maybe there is a separate thing for “no job” or “dead end job.”

heh. i love the warm weather but the tradeoff is that its perfect centipede weather. about a week ago I killed and removed a centipede and was very proud of myself, but my god.

 

BEING A LOSER MAKES YOUR POLITICAL VIEWS STUPID AND WRONG

may 1

moar compelled than usu to write.

weird dreams last night man!

I was in my old childhood house again. it was a great house. i was in my old bedroom, which was a converted attic and the best bedroom ever.

the theme was that I was having a kind of “going away party” and many of my old friends from college and some from high school were showing up and giving me an emotional farewell. i wasn’t sure where I was going. or maybe it was that THEY were all going away forever. one person gave me the friendly advice that I should really seriously consider getting a Masters Degree, when they had a masters degree in something useless like Spiritual Studies or something, whereas I was considering Business or STEM ONLY, but didn’t want to do the work or pay the money. but i took his advice in the friendly spirit it was given.

there were a few guys from high school. strangely enough, I don’t think some of my closest, long term friends even made an appearance.

and then weirdest of all, there was a gurl from middle school who showed up, and now she was all matured an in her Early Twenties and looking REAL cute. as she came to say goodbye and approached me and it was all sad and dramatic, and then we started making out furiously, and it turned out we were both in Luv with each other. I think it developed even into passionate, true love, let’s get married type Sex! that was real fun!

and then last minute drastic rearranging of plans, so we could spend our lives together, and too bad we didn’t do this EARLIER.

anyway things were looking cautiously optimistic there, and then we wandered out into the world, and it was an apocalyptic wasteland, where we were quickly separated and predated upon by the weird forces that were killing humanity. so that sucked.

But then I thought of the Actual Girl. From MIDDLE school. She was cute, nice, not Slutty, not a “bad girl”, and also not one of the super popular girls. should i try to find her on facebook now? prob not. but I should have tried to court her in middle school hehehe.

and then there was another interesting dream. i was getting in with a new group of friends including one esp cute gurl, who I was interested in, and who was giving signals to me as well. I was helping them move to a new house, with the implication that me and the cute gurl would HOOK UP when the move was done. but I kept dropping stuff and was saddled with all the super cumbersome stuff, etc etc etc, really got screwed there. so the dream ended with me dropping a bunch of stuff in the middle of the street, getting frustrated, and waiting for them to show up to help me, but they were taking too long and not appreciating the difficulty i was having.

the huge spike in dreaming maybe came from a discussion the night before that was pretty intense, 3 men thinking about the future of themselves and of the world. we agreed that 80% of humanity was huge idiots, idiocracy idiots too dumbed down to have any understanding of the world. one guy was considering a possible career upgrade. the other guy had just upgraded his career and is in a very good place and I am kinda jealous of. he talked about his Career Ambitions to Work Hard, Advance Fast, Do what it takes to Rise Quickly to the Executive Level and make 100k + a year. Proving himself at work, possib getting a masters degree, etc. and he is a very intelligent guy; well all 3 of us are very intelligent, moreso than the 80% of sheeple idiots, hehehe.

the first guy talked about how he hated school and was also really lazy. he could have gotten into a good college but didn’t want to do the work. i completely related. of course guy2 was sort of pushing guy1 to finish his bachelors degree so as to get a better job, as he has already proven himself currently in a managerial position, but moving up wouldn’t be bad either, and a lot of jobs demand the Sheet Of Paper.

Just like a lot of jobs demand the Sheet of Paper that is a Masters Degree.

And Guy2 said he could have gotten into a good college too, and said his big regret was missing the deadline to apply for the Good College I actually went to, and Sh4t the bed at! I’m not sure if he was trying to get me to talk about my experience, of course, I didn’t really want to, becuase certainly MY biggest regret is going to that college and not making anything of myself!

So he went to a “lesser” college, one where I wish I had gone instead, and he did VERY well for himself, and is well on his way to making those six figures.

and then we started discussing big picture things like government and economy and taxation and debt and political stuff. all very good topics. now, guy2 is much more left leaning than me, and started talking about how evil libertarians and conservatives are. I smiled and Hid My Rightist Nationalist Views.

Because you almost can’t get away with having Rightist Nationalist Views if you are Huge Loser like Me!

and then there was talk on Econ 3 stuff like NAFTA and Free Trade and Globalization and Trade Balances and GDP and Government Spending and Taxation Policies. not the type of stuff you can talk to the Sheeple about, or Wimmin, hehehe. Certainly you can speak like this at an Elite College, but all those kids are Leftists, hehehe.

anyhow I didn’t entirely agree with the guy but he made some good points and made me think about the ridic Masterz Degree, or at the very least, that we are both interested in The Global Economy.

Now he is on board with it, and I am VERY skeptical of it, and wonder if there’s anyway we can Opt Out of the Global Economy, and still Protect American Jobs. I guess the idea is that we go through hard times in the short term so we can get better in the long term as an even moar global player.

of course, “short term” is the remainder of our lives!!!

so he thinks Education is the Key, and that if Fedgov dipped into Defense Spending by even 1% it could Erase All Student Debt. I agree that Education is A Scam and Too Damn Expensive. However I am more leery of Globalization and World Economy, and would like a more Protectionist and Nationalist approach. how far would our standard of living decrease then? a little or a lot?

plus i am jelly that he made better decisions than me and is reaping what he sowed, and has a good alpha level career job, can pull gurls, etc.  slightly jelly, he is a good guy.

but yeah all 3 of us have alpha level intelligence and deserve good jobs and good gurls, but our lives all took very different paths, with me being the biggest loser hehehe. well, you become a loser when you’re LAZY, eh. but the other guy, who admits his huge laziness, is still a bigger winner than me! but he’s a good guy too, I like and respect both guys.

anyway it was a memorable and fun discussion and might have prompted all the intense dreaming later.

WORKING FOR FREE

april 22

if i get this new job, i guess i can tell you what my current job is. or what my previous job was. well, i have already given enough info for the astute observer, and i am too smart to EVER give the company names EVER.

i guess i could move into an apartment much closer to this job. know the perfect neighborhood. not too expensive, and filled with early 20s sluts in the party phase. It’s a SIGN!!!!

I want to bang kimmy from full house. HOW ABOUT YOU?

anyway I will be too stressed out for the next three months to bang a grill, even a drunk one. uhh may june july. well, the girls will still be partying during august and september, which are summery enough. as long as I bang one or two grills then, I can WITHSTAND a bangless winter until summer again.

WITHSTAND.

No problem mon, I can withstand many bangless YEARS and I can WITHSTAND a couple more. Although I would LIKE to bang some 18 year olds before I turn 40.

got my 4.8 miles of walking in today. NOICE. you should try to do this too. Walking 4.8 miles per day is the easiest and funnest form of exercise. Jogging is for huge f4990+5.

had a dream and this gurl i used to work with was innit. i haven’t seen her in about 2 years. she was cute but i always had an excuse, plus i was too focused on girl7, and this other girl was too stumpy, or didn’t have a good enough 4ss, bla bla bla. but occasionally she will show up in a dream and I will regret not at least trying with her, even though i didn’t even WANT to try at the time, I barely even NOTICED her.  now, she’s not cute enough that I’d Retroactively make her a numbered girl, like Girl8, who btw I might strip that number away from. anyway this other was not quite that good looking, but she is still cuter than I realized at the time, and a decent person, and well worth not just banging, but making out with, which, for average older women, is a nonstarter.

apr 23

heh back to the prayers to allay the anxiety. great old feeling, i remember it well, dat feel. although this is a bit more exciting because it is completely new. “the devil you know vs the devil you don’t” is A Thing, and in this case, I might prefer the devil I DONT know.

New Job Opp. Damn. Almost assuming I WILL get the job, interesting assumption. in the past I would go in for interviews and NEVER get the job. which make me discouraged and give up searching, which is NOT good and should NOT be mentioned, hehehe, in fact, you SHOULD say just the Opposite: “You got to fail to win, you can’t be afraid to fail, it should just make you more determined to win, to pick yourself up, learn from your mistakes, and try again and again until you succeed” and that’s what you should say during an interview.

now, the opposite happened with me, but since you can’t Legally PROVE Discouragement thru Concrete EVIDENCE, then you CAN lie about it, and thus lie you SHOULD.

Besides now muh communication skills are somewhat better, and when I know a person in the company, I have an edge.

so i am smart and capable, but by FAR my biggest weakness is Anxiety and Stress, Freaking Out Emotionally when Inundated With Issues At Work, turning into Deer In Headlights, one step away from Running Out Crying like a B1tch.

so you fake confidence, because they don’t know you, you can fake being a normalfag, and they don’t really know you’re a huge omega spaghetti pockets autist virgin wizard, and then in three months, you are GOLDEN as they used to say.

so i just shaved my huge UnemploymentBeard to look more presentable, professional, and employable. I enjoyed my Beard and Mourn its loss.

Heh. I would really like a BIG pay raise to compensate for the fact that the commute is TWICE as long, and goes thru many congested freeways, and goes thru Bad Urban Neighborhoods where if the car breaks down, I WILL be robbed, raped, tortured, and killed, in the Ungodly Lawless War Zone. This is not a Good Middle Class City like Chicago or New York. But a REAL city, where you see some Grim, Ugly Realities which the Posh Middle Class likes to pretend don’t even exist.

So, talk like a Smart Normalfag, use smart words and full sentences and just sound smart and confident, and talk to the people like people, and if they Push Back, then I can Push Back by saying, well LISTEN, I already HAVE a job that I’m going back to (true fact), I’m just shopping around right now. You don’t like me FINE, I’ll go back to making XY$ an hour at my CURRENT job.

heh. they don’t need to know how lazy I’ve been during my last 7 weeks of layoff.

of course last night I laid awake worrying for like 90 minutes in the dark. that is always fun.

i was thinking that, after the actual interview, to go on Shadowing current Employees for a few hours, with Management’s Permission of course. Of course they don’t want me stealing Trade Secrets. Maybe they would let me Shadow My Friend. Part of Showing That I will try to Train Myself Off The Company Clock.

Like if you need to drive a Hilo, pay an employee to train you before or after your own shift.

How much is TOO much to Work Off The Clock? What A Stupid Question! You should be working at LEAST X hours off the clock Every Single Week! And to think, the lazier employees want to make OVERTIME for that time, and you are willing to do it for FREE! Gives you a Big Advantage.