mar 8

i got the thought that she might have avoided dealing with be EXACTLY BECAUSE she knew I would be hurt A LOT (which was correct!!!) and the amount of muh hurt was exactly the reason why she avoided me. if i wouldnt be that hurt, it would have been easier for her to confront me. but she knew i would be DEVASTATED, and she couldnt deal with that AT ALL.

maybe. of course ill NEVER know what she was thinking.

eh. i am less OBSESSED about it now, which is good.

now i am more worried about learning a complicated, overwhelming job fast, when people are not super willing to help people.

I was always very willing to help people because i know how much help you NEED in the beginning, and how everyone seems too BUSY to help you, or they sneer at you for asking dumb questions, well, when you dont know ANYTHING, these questions arent dumb. whats causing the program data to become corrupt. no one knows this. how can they prevent the printer from getting the 14.88 error every day.  are there any locations that have separate machines for credit cards and for checks, and how can we tell? what do these machines look like? how do we reinstall the drivers if the caller cant tell what type of machine it is? how do i find out whose job this is? whose job is this? who can fix this? Level 3 kicked this case back to Level 2 saying “we dont fix this”, NOT MY PROBLEM MAN, but then added nothing more, and the case is sitting back at level 2, and the caller is getting impatient because their client is getting impatient, what do i tell them. oh great i tell them the case is where it needs to be and we will call you back within 72 hours i promise you. well last time you did that i didnt talk to anybody, they just sent me a shitty email that didnt make sense and said they were closing the case because they called me once and i was busy. now i cant call them back because i can only call into level 1 and

hehehe anyway i would gladly help the new people because i was angry at the company for not training new people enough, so I was gonna take that cross up myself, goddamn it!!!!!!! i’ll train these poor newbies if the company just wants to throw them to the wolves, and if they dont figure it out fast enough, youre fired! this is peoples LIVES were talking about! they just WANT TO WORK! they WANT to do a GOOD job!!!! but they are put in these situations CONSTANTLY where they dont know what theyre doing!!!!!

just tell me what to do and i’l do it!!!!! nope thats the wrong attitude, you have to FIGURE OUT what to do, thats your JOB!!!! well….how do i FIGURE OUT what to do then, nothing makes fooking sense and Im freaking out! well dont freak out, if you freak out, you’ll fail. oh thanks asshole.

JUST TELL ME WHAT TO DO!!!! Nope, figure it out yourself, thats your job. I hate this kind of shit.

you end up bullshitting people because you CANT really figure it out, you CANT get good help from others, in other words, the “good question. let me find out for you” line doesnt really work, and the sources you get are incomplete or wrong, so you cant really figure it out for yourself, but take a guess. yes or no.

“the program is working as intended.”

“the file is corrupt, you have to start it over again.”

“you have to make the client come back in again because the program didnt capture their signature. or maybe because the signature pad failed. or both failed. dunno.”

oh god signature pads fook me.

maybe program crashed just as the person touched the signature pad.

so its ok to just write “signature on file” and not call the person back in? isnt that fraud and you could go to prison for 10 years for a felony? I dunno im not a lawyer. or is that if you FORGE the persons signature. i dunno im not a lawyer. ask your manager. oh you ARE the manager, of courshe. well call YOUR manager. oh you already did and he said to call us. well call him BACK and tell your boss, no, you talked to us and said HE had to handle it. I would guess that writing “signature on file” is much less a degree of fraud than forging the signature, so uh yeah just fookin do it. My name is Tyrone B and the case number is 14888841.  oh you want to talk to a supervisor. well let me put you on hold for 5 minutes so i can argue for permission for a supervisor to call you back within 72 hours. all the supervisors are busy. the only people who are not on the phone right now are managers who dont actually know anything about this and cant explain it any better than i can, they will just tell you the same thing, plus they have the authority to say they dont WANT to talk to you. they dont HAVE to talk to you.

GRANTED, i never had a call that was REALLY that bad. rather, i just said, OH, just write signature on file, ITLL BE FINE, thats totally legit. knowing that it would PROBABLY be legit, they PROBABLY wouldnt get in trouble, and if they did, their manager would school them and not care about getting ME in trouble; and if i did get in trouble, i would just get a Coaching Meeting, i’d say I’ll never do it again, I’ll say I chatted with a level 2 and they said it was ok, sorry i forgot to put that in the notes, didnt think we needed approval for that. ok lesson learned, wont ever do it again, thank you for the coaching.

flashcards and studying the shit at home on Time Off and becoming friendly with Smart People were what helped me the most.

studying the shit at home SUCKS. but it HELPED. but it also made me more crazy.

therefore, i would limit it to no more than one hour on workdays. also, you can do it while Blazed.

but getting blazed is DEGENERATE.

yes it IS, but it honestly helped relieve some stress from the job and the woman and life. i dont really feel that bad about Blazing It during that time. I was a hard working and very stressed out Guy. I had Earned It.

but it was possible that blazing it was just making me MORE nervous and stressed and worried over the long term. MJ can do that!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

ALSO, an all around better way to relieve stress is at the GYM. with exercise and lifting.

so yeah i should have just gotten out of job, went straight to gym, well maybe eat dinner before, and then GOMAD INSANITY in the gym for 2 full hours until dripping with sweat and every muscle in body feels like jelly. while ideally listening to a self-made “podcast” of me reading Job Facts and Knowledge to try to Train Myself and Teach Myself how to do my job and learn all the stuff.

then go home and study the job on computer, maybe while making another Talking File to listen to at gym in the future.

yeah i just hate being put into complex confusing situations where i dont know what im doing, and i dont know what to say to the caller, yet i gotta figure it out quickly, with minimal help.

march 9

hey i dont WANT to hate women. i dont LIKE hating women. i think men and women are supposed to get along and luv each other and not constantly fight and hate each other. its how we reproduce our species hehehe. i hate seeing women screw men over. yeah men screw women over too but i think women do it more. maybe women only do it because they have been screwed by men. certainly That Woman has been screwed over by men in her life, so she prob kinda hates men. fine. ok. i dont much like women either. but i dont LIKE hating women. i wish i DIDNT! but i dislike them for imho very good reasons. i dont like the way the act, the things they say and do, their immaturity, their mercenary nature, they cant be trusted, everything is super conditional.  oh well not all women are like that. some are nice single mothers who will treat you right hahaha.

heh i really gotta make more female friends. its good for the confidence, really good, if you can be actual friends with women. even better if they are even moderately attractive. it doesnt matter if youre attracted to them or in luv with them. i mean you shouldnt be “FWB” because thats degenerate. but basically it proves to yourself that you are Cool Enough to get at least SOME positive attention from women. like they want to hang out with you, spend time with you, respond to you, be nice to you. all these things are HUGE. it says, well this woman doesnt hate me, so theres hope that i could find a woman one day who actually wants to Be With me, could maybe actually have a wife and family some day. theres hope for me yet hahahaha. its not hopeless.

so to go from one female friend back down to none is pretty rough.

im talking about someone you see on a regular basis, who hangs out with you and doesnt ignore you, who you text and she responds.

anyway. neets explaining gaps. you cant say i lost my mind and quit my job becuase i couldnt handle it. also i hated it.  this is why its so important to know people!

cuz unless you are perfect, and a decent number of people are, they will look for any reason NOT to hire you.

because they can get a perfect person instead: higher gpa, more internships, less fookups, no dui’s, no gaps, tons of volunteer experience, better references, younger, better attitude, no emotional problems, no autism, no awkwardness, no despair, no neets, no manlets, no fatties, just hire a boy scout right out of college, no shortage of those!

hehehe reading local paper about pres primary elections and they talked to a guy who works at muh former job and sees THAT PERSON erryday. he was always kinda obnoxious and i didnt REALLY like him, thought he was SO smart, of course he was a level 2 therefore he was way smarter and alphaer than me, and of COURSHE he voted for BERNIE. then probably That Woman let him fook her in a supply closet on the job and he will brainwash her to become a socialist. she was kinda gullible. if she had chosen me i would have schooled her the right way and could have made a decent woman out of her. but nooooooooooo.

gives him dat fine white ass but cant even talk to me. some friend hahaha. dirty dumb white trash mudshark whore hahahaha.

i hate how All Women (in a woman hating mood today) can treat sex so casually, so recklessly, but I treat it as some important, valuable, special, sacred, holy thing. but its just something they give to just about anybody. except me hahahaha. and they have all the negative consequences like getting preggers! They dont know and dont care, because thats how da j00z have brainwashed them. thru the media, the skools, the destruction of the family, popular culture. fookin garbage. but women are herd animals who suck up popular culture like it was black dicks.

mar 10

i saw a young woman in a restaurant i was very attracted to, but she seemed like a pothead whore with 1000 cok stare, and was there with boifran, who was a BIG GUY 4 U indeed. like football player big. and she was kinda small. HUGE guy. not really fat but prob likes to smoke MJ and Eat Junk more than he likes to work out hahahaha.

point is he could tear me in half.

hmm this yogurt has a LOT of sugar in it. not nec calories but sugar. some protein but not enough, a bit too many carbs. fook yogurt. again straight up BEEF is the best food ever. also chicken. can alternate them so you dont get bored.

ok new goal is try to burn 1000 calories whenever going to gym. is a decent goal. takes some time.

yeah i just hate that women have become huge mudshark whores who forget they can get pregnant because theyve bought so much into recreational sex, and birth control, and abortion.

but you could argue….the people who should be having the least kids are having the most kids, and vice versa, and this is WITH BC and abortion. the people that SHOULD be using contraception the most are NOT, and vice versa.

i mean it takes a really dumb muh dick mindset to forget to take your whorepill that day, or tell the diseased thug banging you to put on a Condo before he sprays your babymaker with thug sperm.

youve got to be STUPID or Stoned not to make him use a Condo!

NEET PODCAST. I love listening to the TRS podcasts and I should really do my own TRS for white neets. or, better yet, do a podcast FOR TRS on the subject of white neets.

anyway point is podcasts are great cuz you can listen to them whenever, wherever, and its good to hear two or more people having a normal, but interesting conversation.

rather than a marxist lecturing you, or a bunch of chads or women talking about stupid degeneracy. having casual secs and feelin the BERN.

wow just wow i cant even, i am literally SHAKING right now hahahahahahaha

yeah there are other neets on TRS but TRS is the kind of place that mocks and shames and shuns neets because they are weak losers and dead weight on the white race. i can understand where theyre coming from, but as a neet who wants to become a winner, i want to help other neets who want to become winners too, and not shun and shame them, especially if theyre white!

many neets are into GAMES and ANIME, and i just have no interest in this at ALL.

theres two neet podcasts ive found, but they are all under 20, pretty much LOVE being neets, LOVE watching anime and vidya all day, and are not worried about jobs or wimmin, cuz they had 2d faggotry! they embrace the lable neet and some arent even real neets cuz they are College Students.


these are not true neets! i am looking for older neets whose lives are falling apart and are filled with frustration and worry and despair! pref ones that are white, pro-white, and NOT into anime and games!

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uhh i think this one is on the Sexual Morality of Premarital Secs

march 11

yeah i just feel incapable of doing jobs because i get so FLUSTERED. i dont know how to do this. i dont know what to say to the customer/client/caller. well just figure it out. figure it out. tell them sorry nothing we can do. not my problem man.

triggering comic by feminist on white privilege hahahaha

triggering article about why polyamory is awesome on same site, everyday feminism, new worst site EVER

gay comic on why neckbeard is insulting

rape culture expressions like this sucks, or fook you, or win her over. oh god. super rustling leftist bullshit site.

everyday feminism can SUCK MUH DICK and GET FOOKED like a BITCH.

dumb cartoon glorifying abortion, linking to another page on how to use gender inclusive, noncissexist language when talking about trans people who are pro-abortion oy vey,

time to ditch the friendzone word cuz its cissexist

32 types of anti feminist comic by fat j00 male feminist barry ((((deutsch)))) very overworthy

10000 word article on how social justice language can be used to hide abuse in relships

insanely horrible degen comic about how a queer WOC should go about mentally preparing for her first date with a trans “woman” omg

common but wrong defensive responses by dumb whites to white privilege

horry sheet. this is the most horrible website i have seen in a long time. it just gets worse and worse. if any of your friends say this is a good website, shame and shun them. they are the enemy.

hehehe its my white privilege that i think “whats good” is just a black slang for saying “whats up” aka “hello” or “how are you”, when really it is hostile expression meaning “iz gon gat yo azz ni99a cuz u racis”. so you being so uneducated that you think “whats good” is friendly and not hostile is in itself racis.

good god.

unrequited luv for a friend. this article was actually not bad.

it links to this captain awkward blog. not sure if thats as bad as dr nerdlove.


I have had people try to convince me that I was wrong to break up with them or to decline to deepen or continue a relationship. The trajectory of those interactions ranged from sad to annoying to terrifying. I have tried to convince people not to break up with me, to give me one more chance. I can only pray that they (plural ‘they’, unfortunately, not the groovy gender-neutral singular construction) have long since deleted the Emails of Desperation and Neediness I sent. You’ve all seen how wordy I can be here, now imagine that “talent” and energy applied to convincing you that you really, really should stay with me even though you don’t want to, complete with numbered lists of reasons and airtight logic cases for why it really, really should work out.
 Hounding those people – people who genuinely liked and cared for me but who just didn’t want what I wanted – is one of my true regrets in life. I would give a lot to be able to take it all back, to disengage more gracefully from those past relationships, to save my dignity, their patience, and to be true to a principle of consent in all things. Fortunately, I did eventually learn that you cannot logic someone into loving you back. My life got so much better when I learned that lesson and I hope yours does, too.

He is also doing that common thing that stalkers and abusers do by repeatedly mentioning how he “let it go” and “eased up.” This stands out because it should go without mention that you listen when somebody tells you that they are not interested. As a result, this letter waves ALL the red flags.


I once knew a guy who was absolutely certain that if he could just get his ex alone in a room for half an hour and show her his PowerPoint presentation explaining why she should not have left him, she would see the light and get back together with him. Don’t be that guy, LW. Don’t be anything at all like that guy. Be as unlike that guy as you can manage to be. If you catch yourself thinking “maybe if I just text her exactly the right way” or “maybe if I time my commute so that I just happen to run into her at the train station” or anything else that amounts to “maybe if I ignore her stated desire for me to leave her alone”, repeat to yourself: PowerPoint Guy would do that thing. I don’t want to be him. I will not do that thing.


yeah well i did “let it go” and “eased up”, also she was giving mixed as fook signals, saying yes we will hang out, never directly telling me no. of course her finishing move clearly said no and then i wrote 3 desperate emails begging for her to Think About It; and then just begging her to Please Respond.

yeah it was pathetic and desperate and power pointy but

sort of similar case.

anyway that everyday feminism site is radical as fook, and downright evil.

how to deal with the horrible idea of jealous regarding polyamory, and be happy about being cucked. well this is written by a poly woman, probably a doike hahahaha

on effective communication. this one was actually good. say “i feel x when you y.” i thought you had to avoid saying “you” altogether, but if THIS degen ovenworthy site says you can say “you” or xou or zyo or your preferred pronoun, well then hell i can say you. as long as you start off owning your feelings with the i statement. i feel sad and worthless when you avoid me.

the goddamn sjw freaks who write this trash. i am surprised any of them use cisgender pronouns at all! if you let yourself be referred to as she or he you are internalizing your own cisoppression!!!!!

former man writes about how women are not emotional infants that need a man to tell them what they want. that women are grown adults who can make good decisions. oh how i wish that degenerate were right!

so really im not OWED anything. she doesnt OWE me an Explanation.

well i would respond to that, because of the fact that we were friends for so long, she OWES me at least a TEXT saying “Sorry But No” because of common courtesy.

yeah i was desperate and pathetic but stop shitting on the power point guy, theyre desperate because their heart is broken!!!!!!!!

but you are a rapist because youre not Acknowledging Consent, and trying to Coerce them, and get around Consent. You dont take no for an answer, you dont respect wmens CONSENT, therefore you are an abuser and dont respect this woman.

well it took me a few weeks to realize what she was saying, and in my final email i said, ok, obviously you dont want to be with me, but PLEASE respond to me and say sorry, thats all i want, i dont want to MAKE you do anything.

then i went NC and have been that way ever since. so i dont think i was being creepy power point guy in total denial. plus SOME denial is natural part of grief, bitches.

march 12

ht     tp://

TRS forum, should porn and strip clubs be BANNED. obviously we all agree they are bad and degenerate. should the state ban them is a question that sets a huge debate between white fascists and white lolbertarians, including an eastern european who lived under communism and is suspicious of powerful states.

hehehe woman had an online relationship with a man and he Ghosted aka Abandoned her without notice is a less GAY GHOST way of putting it.

mar 13

had stupid dream with the woman. she was talking to another woman and i was trying to butt into the conversation like a pushy beta. i was right there, they were just having their own separate conversation. she was talking about her friend was doing drugs and she was sad and would have to stop seeing them if they didnt stop. yes very sad but the right thing to do. dont hang out with druggies and dont do drugs yourself. then she was talking about a person  who was rumored to have done something horrible, like K somebody, but he got away with it, and not sure how true the rumors were. i butted in and said wait ayo hol up, are you talking about your druggie friend or someone else who supposedly K’d somebody?

she rolled her eyes and said ugh and was clearly annoyed with me and wanted me to Leave, and said it was a male friend she had a very, very, very small crush on.

see women can get crushes on guys and be interested in guys and get feelings for guys too. in this case they are MORE than willing to hang out with the guy, talk to him, respond to him, and get upset when he ignores her.

at that point i got really passive aggressive butthurt and said oh you have a small crush on a guy. you think you could ever have a small crush on ME? you wanna talk to me about what’s been happening with us? you know I have a small crush on you? what do you think about that?

and then the dream suddenly ended, or I suddenly woke up.

during the whole dream she was very annoyed at me, I was acting kinda annoying and pushy and Asshurt. we were both at our worst. not cool.

also she looked different, like a different person, not the person I knew. I guess this is kinda good because it means i am moving on from her and cant remember what she looks like. well of COURSE i remember what she LOOKS like. but its best for that to be a faded memory. but this is prob a symbol that the person she became was NOT the person I knew. Not the person I was friends with. definitely not the person i fell in luv with. Yes it is sad. She changed to a different person. I changed too. I changed in a big way but not to a different PERSON. I was still the same person who wanted the best for her and never to hurt her. and she changed from someone who cared about me, to someone who didnt care enough to Do Something for me.

did i mention i am switching to the elliptical now. it feels like it is a better Workout than the treadmill. although your motion is a little different. especially when you try to go fast. feels weird and not like walking or jogging. but they say its better on your joints. plus i feel i am building muscle because i usually have on a high level of tension and can feel some bern.




mar 2

just because your relationship is in a contested or tenuous or uncertain state, doesnt mean you can just throw it away. doesnt mean you can throw it away and the other person wont get hurt. yes it was uncertain and probably unlikely that our friendship would or even COULD last…..but it doesnt mean you can throw it away like that. have a meeting and finish the friendship in an HONORABLE way, not a DISGRACEFULLY DISHONORABLE way. it should be a solemn and tear filled ceremony on both sides. like burying a decorated soldier. play taps on a bugle or amazing grace or bagpipes or something. its serious and its sad for both people. you dont throw the dead soldier into an unmarked grave. thats something you do with like osama bin laden hahahaha.

so dont say well i didnt owe it to talk to you or be nice to you because YOU (meaning ME) KILLED the whole friendship in an INSTANT when you got feelings.

and i would say, i disagree, youre WRONG, that simply isnt TRUE, i appeal that decision to dr fookin phil, lets go talk to a shrink right now, you can even pick a manhating shrink if you want. yes i got feelings but NO this doesnt kill the entire relship DEAD. our relship had longterm roots, had a lot of time and emotion invested from both of us; you just CANT kill that dead in one instant. you can try, and i say that YOU tried a lot harder than i did to kill it dead instantly. the natural and right thing to do when one person gets feelings is to talk about it, to see exactly how its gonna affect the friendship, and if it needs to end, end it HONORABLY.  the natural response is not to avoid and throw away the other person. thats NEVER the correct response.

by this time i can accept and live with the fact that she was just scared and avoidant. ive avoided shit i shouldnt have. i am a huge avoider. turns out so is she. ALL IT IS is a person avoiding dealing with an unpleasant reality because its too hard, and doesnt have a big enough payoff for her. and she probably KNOWS this too. but its not enough to get her to act. never will be.

like when you or even I avoid something we know we should do. we say, yeah i know im wrong, i should do this, but im too much of a lazy coward, now lets just focus on the future and not the past hahaha. yeah i was wrong, shame on me, i take full responsibility, bla bla bla. is this true repentance?

WELL, its not always that your avoidance directly HURTS another person. you might be too scared to do something you need to do, but its not really HURTING anyone but yourself. at worst another person is mildly annoyed that you didnt do something you said you would do. but rarely does your inaction directly hurt somebody a lot!

so in other words, very rarely would you need to make AMENDS with another PERSON regarding your avoidance.

this is one of those rare cases.

most of the time though, the main person youre hurting is YOURSELF, by being lazy and cowardly and craven and spineless and apathetic.

but sometimes, another person is really putting themselves out there For You, and you let them down by doing nothing. its not a betrayal, its not Aggressive Hostility, its not the worst kind of evil, but boy does it SUCK and its rude and destructive and bad.

so yeah. i cant say she was DISGUSTED by the idea of lowly loser ME liking way-out-of-my-league HER. she did not have a Big Head anyway. I cant say anything about her motivations or thoughts or feelings other than she was too scared/cowardly to do the Courteous thing; AND that she was not interested in Dating Me. that would have given her the motivation and courage to respond to me. I guess we can say she was not at all interested in continuing the friendship. like not at all. that was kind of insulting. rude hahaha. insult to injury.

they say there is a self esteem problem with Women. I say BULLSHIT. then women would not be making more money than men hahahah. they would be fookin pathetic neets like men. instead, many women act like fookin narcissists. like they are gods gift to the world. now bow down and worship me. how dare that unattractive man even look at me.

if anything i like a woman with slightly LOW self esteem because I have kinda low self esteem myself. also it makes you more humble and friendly and not an asshole. people dont think theyre TOO GOOD for you. so i kinda liked that about her. she was humble and quiet and shy and didnt think she was the greatest thing in the world. without falling into the other trap women with lower self esteem have, ie they become sluts trying to build their self esteem thru promiscuous secs. and she did not do that.

march 3

i dont think she had super low slut level self esteem in other words. she just didnt have excessively inflated narcissistic princess self esteem! and was humble and reserved and quiet and chill and did not have a huge sense of entitlement. she seemed mature and nice and loving because she really was.

she was also real “good” at avoiding shit when she didnt have something tangible or obvious to gain. like, if she were in love with me and desperate to hold on to me, she would have done something.

when women really luv a man, they show it. they dont make things ridiculously, infuriatingly difficult for you. they make it EASY for you. note: not the same as making it easy to bang them……too many women give it up too fast and easy. when i say easy, i mean they are friendly and OPEN. they WANT to spend time with you. they arent constantly busting your balls and giving you TESTS. they are HAPPY to be with you and will let you know. by smiling at you, laughing at your stupidest jokes, gazing into your eyes, getting close to you, not treating you like you have ebola. not avoiding you all the time, or giving you excuses.

documentary on love shy incel virgin males, possibly some neets in there, women hate their entitled personalities and desire for nonfat women

here is a copy of the comments hehehehe

march 4

well apparently all these guys are creepy and woman hating and they also hate themselves and will take years of therapy to even start to heal their broken souls and maybe then they might be ready for fat old table scraps. then and only them. they are SO broken, SO far behind, that it would take YEARS for them merely to wake up, and then YEARS after that for them to actually change their behavior enough to pull fat old single mom table scraps hahaha.

not to dehumanize the fat old table scraps! i just dont want to marry them and have children with them and i dont even really want to date them or even bang them. i would rather be alone, and GOOD they say. i want to have actual feelings for a person like ive had in the past. maybe less DEBILITATING, but i DID like the CERTAINTY of it all. there was no ambiguity or maybes or waffling or on the fence or uncertainty. i was 100% ALL IN with the person. thats the way i wanna be with the woman i marry and have children with!

i dont want to have Loved OTHER women MORE than the woman I marry and have children with! its really not fair to HER! or the CHILDREN! or to me. its a lose lose lose lose lose situation! (assuming 3 children hahahaha)

“DOES SHE LIKE ME?” asks the secsually mature college aged kidult. hey i didnt know these things when i was 18 either, i only knew how to beat off to jooish filth aka porn. therefore i never learned how to talk to grills and i never went on to make white children.

anyway i would say, and this is a thought exercise because i want to see IF i know the correct answer before reading what alice says, which is sometimes accurate but oftentimes horribly degenerate and permissive and immoral.

ok, if she likes you she will be sending obvious signals and might get increasingly obvious until you notice them, if youre too autistic to notice them at first. or she might get bored and then lose all interest in you and not show you any signals any more.

basically she will WANT to hang out with you and will say YES when you invite her to hang out and NOT AVOID you. she will smile at you in a genuine way, maybe tilting the head, staring deeply into your eyes.

if you get closer to her, she will not pull away like you have a disease. but you should probably make the first move towards her. touching her and staring at her and such.

she will be OPEN to you and friendly and accomodating to you and not a yuuuuuuuuuge bitch. she will seem OPEN and not CLOSED to you, generally.

the article did not really say that but it didnt NOT say it either. it said it can be scary to put yourself out there for a possible rejection, yes VERY true, but we have to make ourselves open and vulnerable if we ever want to get Luv, also true.

mar 5

well thing is i am probably less love shy than these woman haters, because i have come CLOSE, several times, just never been able to Close The Deal. Luv Is For Closers. Wives are for Closers Only. i have opened Muh Heart and put myself out there…….i just keep getting rejected. probably because i am a classic Nice Guy and spark absolutely no attraction whatsoever on the part of the women. no tingles, no swooning, no sense of wanting or devotion or commitment. no tingle. no luv. no attraction. no attachment. no value. sometimes as a friend though, but never more. hehehe. i want to be more than friends with a woman some day!!!!!! well at least i can be even friends with a woman. i dont think the love shy incel woman haters can even do that, because they are too Dripping With Creepiness.

also i am not as weird looking and weird acting as they are. when i talk to people, i am not super duper WEIRD. i mainly come across as a little shy and quiet, and super NICE, but definitely not WEIRD. if anything i am a people pleaser and give the impression of wanting to be Liked and Accepted and Not Rejected hahahaha.

But Dripping and Reeking of Entitlement and Anger, not so much! I’ve been able to rein that stuff in in public hahaha.

google how to think fast and act cool under pressure when you have not had enough training

while bullshitting reasonable sounding explanations while sounding confident even though you have no idea what you are doing.

thinking of my Old Job once again hahahaha. You Just Do It because no one will show you how and theres no articles on the internet, videos on youtube, or threads on forums on these topics on the whole internet. i cant beleive it.

ok. heres what you do. you try to make everyone like you, so they invite you to Happy Hour after work. you eagerly accept and then spend a minimum of $50 on drinks for the coworkers. buy everyones affection. that way they will be willing to help you when you fook up on the job. they will be willing to train you to do your job. also try to get as much job training out of them while you are all at the bar drinking, because at work, you simply wont be able to Steal Their Time to get them to Show YOU how to do YOUR job which nobody trained YOU on because the company has determined that its not cost effective to TRAIN people, just throw them to the wolves and if they drown, fire them. and no one is there to teach you how not to drown. That’s where I come in. and tell you to spend fookloads of your hard earned money at the BAR essentially Bribing your Coworkers to talk to you about Work while at the Bar.

How do you get them to invite you to Happy Hour? ummmmm see who gets out at the same time you do and say “hey want to go to happy hour and i will buy you some dranks? I’d like to get to know my coworkers.” keep doing that until someone agrees. bonus points if you can get any of the Senior Team Members. They will know more, be smarter, AND their opinion of you REALLY matters. They will probably be 10 years younger than you, make $3 more an hour than you, not have to answer phones all day, and possibly have attractive gurlfrans hahahaha. bet you wish you knew what that felt like!

cuz see you can get to work early and stay late to shadow people and learn shit. but since they are still working, you wont be able to ask them questions about YOUR job, just watch them do THEIR job and hope is relevant. not that either you or them will know if its relevant.

Ooooooh heres an idea. Bribe a coworker who either starts or leaves in the middle of your shift, to come over and help you before or after their shift. give them money and or buy them lunch, dinner, and or dranks.

201 days since last contacted HER, 235 days since i last talked to her and shit ENDED.

i have definitely turned a corner and might be even 50% through it. but i am certainly not over here. i will not be over her until i have equal feelings towards another woman.

should you marry a woman if you still have feelings for a previous woman?

im talking about when you know youre getting old and you know your mate value is low and you’re not gonna get a GREAT woman, so you just have to SETTLE for the best you can get. you know you’re not gonna be HEAD OVER HEELS in LOVE with her. but then you say, is this REALLY the best i can do? even that damn MUDSHARK i loved more than this endomorphic, potato-shaped, stumpy, squat 35 year old single mother. who might be half lebanese hahahaha.

we have a lot of “LEBANESE.” for being such a small damn country. the lebanese seem to be christian or at least nonmuslim and often mix with whites to create swarthy mixed children who could pass for italian. dont get fooled. have them get a 23 and me.

but do you really DESERVE a 90% or more white wife? you might be white, but you’re still a loser, therefore, you deserve a white loser wife, at best.

i wandered into some degenerate filth on tumblr, which i forgot was FULL of degenerate filth. I found a degen camwhore who sorta looked like THAT WOMAN. OH GOD. and she posts all these degen pictures because she “Loves Secs and is a Secsual Goddess” and loves being fooked hard and being secsy for all the guys jerking off to her, who then post pictures of them jerking off to her pictures.

well i looked at it for longer than i should have but i did not really ACT on that looking. really i would have liked to keep the looking at under 10 seconds, rather than 5 minutes. i mean shit its been 159 days since i really looked at the filth. i want to get that filth out of my mind, its absolutely disgusting.

its sad that a 21 year old gurl, let alone any woman, any person, could/would think this is OK.

well i wont reset my counter, but i would if i had actually physically indulged in the degeneracy. although i did LOOK at it for TOO long.

i hope That Woman doesnt do filth like that!!!! now that she is on dating sites. giving those naughty bits to random men from the dating sites. o god. i would have given her naughty bits a hard masculine pounding but i would have given her luv and commitment too. thats hard to get from a guy like me hahaha who doesnt luv any women.


take the Aspie Quiz!

turns out i am a total normie….well signif more normie than i am a sperg hahaha. an autist hahaha. now i picked a lot of middle of the road answers. for tests like this it helps to go to extremes so you can Discover Yourself.

karma is a BITCH! just like how on married at first site, neil divorced sam even though sam came around to him and changed herself and started being really nice to him. TOO LITTLE, TOO LATE, even if she was being genuinely nice. she was just SO bitchy to him in the beginning, and he did not like it. questioning his masculinity and such. to be sure, he was very faggy and not masculine at all.

yeah dont tell the people why youre dumping them. because you werent x y z enough. because YOU did something WRONG. this is YOUR fault. and then if they are like me, they will blame themselves for pushing the love of their life away.

but yeah its amazing how wrong things went. i liked having her in muh life. i cant believe it failed so fantastically. i was trying to help it fail better hahahaha.

also i feel more like a confident normie when i have a female friend. when i dont have any female friends, i feel like a total weirdo who doesnt know how to talk to gurls.

obviously the solution is to have MORE THAN ONE female friend in case one gets totally BTFO. then you can prove to yourself that you are still treated as a human being by women.

yes it does matter that these are friends and not family members hahahaha.

although it really sucks if your family is not good to you!

but yeah its still easy to remember the good times even though……..horry sheet….we are getting to the point where it will be TWO YEARS since we had good times. wow. that is just scary how much time of my life i wasted here.

well i “only” wasted 10 months. and then i’ve “wasted” like 8 months trying to Get Over It. so, 18 months. only a year anda half hahaha.

still i wish she had shown me a little more CONSIDERATION and KINDNESS. COME ON.

mar 6

yeah dont want to look at that filth. women shouldnt be DOING that, and men shouldnt be LOOKING at it. that is just a terrible mindset to be in. i hope my future wife has never done shit like that.

well i made spreadsheet of NET calories for each day since jan 1. NET meaning calories from food minus calories burned exercising that day, if any. then get 60, 66 days worth and really crunch some numbers. get the AVERAGE net calories over a LONG period of time. myfitnesspal does not LET you do this so i had to make this spreadsheet to tell me that as of today i am getting NET calories per day of 1173. wow not bad uh. so really i should be losing 2 pounds a week instead of 1.5 then right hahahaha.

yeah i wish i hadnt looked at that filth for so long. even just looking at it for 10 minutes is too much. you start to think all women are whores like that. yes you are a whore if you put pictures of yourself fooking a dildo on the internet.

well what if youre just showing your t1ts or showing an unspread undildoed vag? SLIPPERY SLOPE MAN. SO slippery, i’d say its practically the same thing. just a short matter of time.

i dont want to think average women would do this.

even if they DO, you are BETTER OFF NOT looking at it ever, and then dealing with their whorishness on an individual basis, like, telling women directly, dont be a whore. but dont look at evidence of their whorishness. i guess maybe you can actually bang them though. cuz that increases mans confidence.

looking a porno or even “erotica” just makes you hate women, and decreases confidence. better to just jerk off to your imagination instead, and not having your imagination perverted by that perversion.

yeah well it does to me at least. i hate that women are so dumb and immoral and weak and degenerate to do this. and its sad they dont have fathers who keep them from doing it.

yeah i did dumb degenerate shit when i was young too though. but theres something unique about exposing your “holy of holies” as a recreational pleasure zone for the express purposes of glorifying recreational sexs and getting horny guys to jerk off to you, putting it out there for EVERYONE to see. this should be a PRIVATE thing. have SOME humility and decency. this is the thing that creates life, and you put it up there on the internet getting POUNDED and CREAMED.

its degrading for everyone and its disturbing men watch so much of it so reguarly. its disturbing i watchd so much of it. it def fooked me up!

what if a woman wants to commit to you but you dont want to commit to her?

i havent had THAT happen yet, but i guess it could. if i could fall in luv with a female friend, ANYTHING can happen.

a womans commitment is a valuable thing. it means she luvs you and wont just up and LEAVE you. she will be willing to have your children and raise em up hahahaha. that is super valuable. and you want to have children! so shouldnt you have children with ANY woman who is WILLING to have children with you?

TECHNICALLY any woman who has SECS with you is saying they are willing to have children with you.

and women have casual secs with guys theyve just met.

so fooked up.


and dont show your babymaker and adjacent areas getting pounded and creamed on the internet for neets and degens to jerk off too.

Oneitis is actually true luv and is a GOOD thing, when its two-sided.

I am very regretful I fooked up my MIND by

  1. watching lots of porno in my youth
  2. and THEN when i wondered why i couldnt pull women, i DOUBLED DOWN by reading tons of game and pua stuff. that only made the problem worse.

tons of porno > incel > tons of game/pua reading > bad bad way to be. you get permanently fooked up and takes a lot of hard work just to get back to neutral.

now game isnt ALL bad. if you can filter out the wheat from the chaff. look for the stuff that befits a healthy, traditional, moral, white man.

its IMPOSSIBLE to filter out the chaff though when you are coming from the Frustrated Porno Incel mindset I was in, and which probably 80% of people who read a lot of Game are in!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

good point! hahahaha

when i watched that pornographic stuff the other day, i could only think of That Woman and how I REALLY wanted to be getting intimate with HER, and it wouldnt be degenerate at all. then i think of her giving her Genitals to some Tinder Badboy and feeling jealous and disgusted that he gets to experience that, and that she is being such a dumb whore.

cuz i still have a libido thank GOD…….i am just starting to appreciate it as a Sacred Vehicle for Gods Love, a tool of Life Creation that you share only with the woman you Luv. like I did for her. Sacred Gods Love.

and of course watching porno completely kills that view of secs as special and sacred and turns it into j00ish hedonist degenerate muh dick, if it feels good do it.

whereas it should be a symbol of luv and intimacy and pair bonding, which is WAS, for me re her, and for her to give it away in that degenerate sense is just heartbreaking.

i mean yeah i would have gotten pretty perverted with her. done everything you can imagine with her. recreationally even! using a rubber to signal my intention that i dont WANT this to be Procreative Secs! but i would also treat it as an intimacy building thing, a love strengthening thing. like lifting weights for luv. getting your Luv Muscle SWOLE AF.

but yeah even watching a LITTLE porn is bad. eschew this degeneracy completely, cold turkey. i hadn’t looked at something that bad in MONTHS yet i could already feel my brain rewiring itself back to the old bad ways.

you shouldnt see this stuff unless it is being given to you in real life by a real woman, pref one you have a Real Rel with. to present it in any other way is degrading. and even somewhat vanilla softcore tumblr camwhoring is degrading af. and then think about the REALLY degrading shit. horry sheet.

march 7

yeah i think i am making some definite progress in getting over HER and she is seeming more like a fading memory. which is good. well i mean id still be with her. maybe in 10 years when she is an old catlady with baby rabies she will coyly contact me to see if im married, and then i will have my chance to bang her, after she’s past the Wall and she probably has some bastard kids, possibly half black, and she doesnt look nearly as good as she does now. older and fatter and uglier. and has been with way more men and has certainly gotten crazier. yeah sign me up for that.

women need their fathers to help them pick a good man.

htt   ps://

see this episode of the fatherland hahaha. also good talk on women “settling.” because they overestimate their own declining value and are holding out for “mr big”, or their ((((soulmate)))), or a guy who gives them more “tingles” hehehe while totally dumping good beeta provider good father types. their father would say, i dont care that this guy is not an exciting badboy, hes a good man, and i should know, marry him and have some kids and in a few years youll thank me. YOURE WELCOME. dont ride the carousel like a slut.

anyway. not much left to say about it hahahaha. as time passes its obvious that she was the bad guy and was being super UNFAIR to me. she was being more unfair to me than i was being to her. i didnt EXPECT her to luv luv me. I just EXPECTED her to not avoid me, and to Talk to me about ending our Rel. That is not unfair at all! its fair AF!!!!

meanwhile she cuts me off and lets me fall off the cliff while flailing my arms. lets me drown while i flail my arms when she could have thrown me a life preserver. just turns her back and walks away on somebody that was important in her life.

shit yeah its very disorienting. turns your world upside down. how she could be so nice and kind and loving when we were Just Friends, but treat me COMPLETELY differently when i started showing her some Interest.

well she would say I was treating HER completely differently. kind of, yes, ok fine. but it was in a positive and open way, hers was in a closed and negative way. how is it so hard to say Aw Im Sorry?

Even if she was too Overwhelmed to say it, why not just signal it? signal warmth and kindness to me rather than coldness and hatred?

mixed in with mixed messages like “you are a good friend” and “yes of course well hang out soon” and “i miss you too.” i took those as signals of warmth.

but yeah she was overwhelmed and Just COuldnt. I Cant Even. that’s all it was. something so simple, but had such devastating consequences.

just give me a little recognition that this is TUFF for me.

understand this is not the best way to exit a rel. that there is a better, more mature, less hurtful way of doing it.

show me just a LITTLE kindness. the fact that we had a REAL friendship kinda DOES “entitle” me to that. you arent some random slut to me and im not some random chad to you. respect that we were once important to each other. respect the long term relship. respect me as a person. just because i changed towards you doesnt mean i stopped respecting you as a person. i never wanted to hurt you. i wish you had shown ANY effort in not wanting to hurt ME. any effort at all. cuz whether you WANTED to or not, you still hurt me. at least give some sign that you dont MEAN to hurt me. give me SOMETHING, ANYTHING.

recognize that its HARD to LOSE someone whos IMPORTANT to you. damn. it doesnt matter that you were more important to me than i was to you. i used to be important to you! you changing how important you find me does not absolve you of the responsibilities of treating me like a human being with a heart and soul and feeeeelings!

anyway i am just concerned with how to learn things FAST. learn complicated confusing things FAST and then multitask them while explaining them. without having to ask for help. without getting flustered. and withstanding this all day every day.  how to fake confidence.

well i would say fake confidence with a slow yet not monotone voice; by bullshitting and always covering your ass; and using flashcards to memorize facts fast, even if they dont mean anything to you yet.

yes but HOW do yu bullshit and cover your ass effectively?

how do you maintain your sexual morality when no women are sexually moral? how do you treat sex as special and sacred when all women are promiscuous whores who treat sex like recreational hedonism?

in other words, how do you turn a degen woman into a nondegen? how do you live with degen women when you are trying to be nondegen?

taking into account that All Women prefer Experienced and Confident men…..

well what about tim tebow? he made a big deal about wanting to stay a virgin till marriage but because he was a secsy pro sportsball aflete, cute young gurls were literally throwing themselves at him, would have no problem marrying him.

because i cant archive TRS forum posts cuz you have to be logged in hahaha

so technically i am breaking their OPSEC well i am sorry goys

a 16 year old virgin boy on TRS was asking the valid question, should i just bang some random slut now, or wait for somebody i truly like. we all know what the nondegenerate choice is, but… he worries about being a 30 year old virgin hahahahahaha. i am not a 30 year old virgin but kinda close to it. i am older than 30 and i have only have secs with 1 gurl, 2 times. it is not easy for manlet beetas to get secs. so i would say, just TRY it, make sure you are Protected, and if you dont really like it, THEN wait for somebody you actually like instead of some random dirty skank who gives it to everybody. which is what all women really are anyway hahahahahaha sort of kidding.


The problem is deeper than blocking access. The problem is the desire to see it. We are proud white people who believe life is sacred, including the reproductive act. Now that’s not to say we don’t occasionally have a moment of weakness or confusion, but something that we know is wrong should not be a regular part of our life. The question I ask when I’m tempted is “Why do I want to see this when I know it’s wrong?” Those who control our culture make it a point of pride to give in to every base urge. Pornography trains us to do this by appealing to the most powerful urge of all. By fighting this temptation, you’re defeating the enemy’s most potent weapon and strengthening your own constitution, becoming a better, stronger man. The more you reflect on this, the less you will be tempted, and the freer you will become. The desire itself will actually go away. At least, it did for me. Hope this is helpful.

That’s right. Just remember. The j wants you watching porn and idly fapping away at degenerate sexual acts. They want your brain seared with disgusting imagery so you can not have healthy loving relationships with the opposite sex. Remember it is as much a weapon as a gun or a vial of poison. It is literally turning you into a depraved human being that is wasting time you should be spending on improving your self and mingling with real life females.

It’s so disgusting to see the way males in public (even whites these days) ogle women and their body parts like they are pieces of meat. It’s obviously because they stare at porn for hours on end. You expect it from negros and beaners but come on white man. Have some respect and have some chivalry.

That’s another good point about ogling and objectifying. I’ve had grown men I work with showing pictures of the wives and girlfriends body parts on their phones. They stick it in my face and say “Check this out!” I sez “Man, I’m 37 years old!” “Yeah so?” “So is it really still that exciting?!”

Yeah we all found porno magazine here and there growing and were captivated to some degree. But then I figured we grew up. We got white males, fully grown, running around showing each other “boobies” like teenagers.


Daily Stormer i havent read their board that much but i totally respect them and Andrew Anglin, who is even shorter than me hahahaha. I dont care if he banged an asian gurl once [not entirely proven, just pictures of him with asian gurls] and I believe he deserves a good white wife and white children. i would like to see him more on TRS but he is busy with his own thing. But I totally support DS, i just read TRS moar. and by read i mean i listen to the fatherland, the shoah, and read the forum. I would send DS dnations if i had a real income. and of course TRS, probably mill woes, that nationalist woman in sweden with 8 white kids whos husband was arrested for hate speech, the white farmers in south africa, etc.

high school kid says its so easy to get secs when you are young, you just text a slut dtf and she says ok. and you are banging a 17 year old gurl!!!!!! course this is coming from the tall handsome confident 17 year old boy hahahaha.

well i am glad i banged a gurl before age 25. because thats when your brain gets locked in. so if i can get a gurl to do recreational reproduction with me before 25, i have some kind of game locked in, and i should be able to get Action AFTER 25. i just havent yet hahahaha.

now if you are SO autistic you cant get laid by 25, then thats hopeless. i guess get a hooker at age 24, but thats not gonna teach you much about Game and Talking To Gurls. Well I guess if you got GFE hookers where you talk to the hooker before the secs.

well its ALL fookin degenerate. Porno, and also Game PUA. it was TERRIBLE that i went though BOTH phases because that is the most j00ified, degen regression ever. PUA is basically taking a pornographic approach to life and finding the most pornified degen crazy bitches.




that was my big lesson yesterday.


That Person TURNING on me, that was for the REASON on, to teach me the LESSON of, I thought she was the ONE……but she WASNT. I was WRONG about her being my soulmate or wife or waifu or gf. i was so in luv, and the luv itself wasnt wrong…..but the person was wrong.

i thought she was the one…..and this is the hands of fate or muh higher power saying NOPE. WRONG. SHE IS NOT the ONE.


and similarly, that job was not meant for me. i mean i hated it anyway but i learned how to survive it and prob would have kept surviving if SHE wasnt there. but it wasnt the job i was destined for hahahahaha.

besides even if the next job i get is even shittier…….itll also by definition be somewhat better because SHE wont be there.

and if i fall in luv with a coworker, then i will just tell her and get it over with. it will be easier because i wont have a long term friendship/relship on the line.

its not like i just met That Woman at That Job. it was a very unusual situation, where we were ALREADY friends, and then BOTH got this new job at the same time, as kind of a cooperative coordinated effort. i didnt get into the new job THEN meet her.

heh though i did meet her at my previous job. then we became friends, gradually became closer in IMHO a very Natural and Slow Normal Right Good Process, rather than fooking somebody in a damn Grotesque Charade of Intimacy within a few weeks.

we became closer and of course talked about jobs and finding better jobs. found out a company was hiring a ton of people. both got in.

what if i fell in luv with her while at previous job? well…..during that time she was still with her boifran. and i didnt have feelz for her. and if i DID, we were CLOSER then, and TALKED and HUNG OUT more, so, i prob would have found it easier to tell her.

heh. i wonder if she became friends with me just to try to make her bf jealous. its possible. she wanted him to luv her more and i dont think she was above trying to make him jealous.

that didnt really work, cuz i just became normal friends with her, and i eventually became somewhat friendly with HIM! not sure if she saw that coming. but she said she was happy about that because he didnt have many friends.

it was really weird how she took so long to tell me about HIM. she told me about other things but took forever to tell me about him.

its not that she wanted to cheat on him, in fact i fully believe she wanted to make him jealous so HE could prove his luv for her, because she was hopelessly in luv with him, and wanted him to luv HER. sound familiar???? hahahaha

well eventually she opened up to me about him. i took that to mean that these topics it took her FOREVER to talk about but she eventually would. but eventually wiht my case, i couldnt wait forever. it was killing me!

there were a lot of moving parts here. variables. makes my situation unique. i just cant refer to the manual for what to do when you fall in luv with your friend, after 2 years, when you work together, at a horribly stressful job, but you didnt meet at THAT job, and they give you a terrible silent treatment and avoiding, and refuse to hang out with you, when they used to hang out with you. lot of moving parts hahahahaha.

cant just look this one up in the manual and get step by step process of what to do.

no i mean i already know what i should have done, blurted it out within 3 months. so, by like january or feb 2015 at the latest, pulled her aside and told her at work, and or written an email. in feb, not july. that extra 5 months pushed me over the edge.

link to trs forum 2.0 which was completely SHOAHED plus they wouldnt want outsider normies reading their threads ANYWAY

hehehe good thread. marry a loyal feminine nonwhite woman or a piece of shit white woman hahahaha

maybe she owuld have liked me if i PUT HER IN HER PLACE and corrected her bad behavior. it was all a massive shit test, which i failed MISERABLY hahahaha. because i have always been bad at shit tests. and thats why ive never “been with” a woman more than 2 months. but i can still be friends with women becuase then theres no shit tests.

heh. i wish they didnt give such STUPID shit tests. also there were times when i sort of teased her in a masculine strong way.

heh i regret not being more of an ASSHOLE to her. maybe that would have passed her SHIT TEST and she would have been muh wife hahaha.

but thats the problem with being friends first, is that youre not used to being an ASSHOLE to them.

great thread on trs forum racecucks on hahaha

great forum altogether, been visiting it on the reg and getting useful info from decent “fashy” “based” people. kind of like /pol but not anonymous and more camaraderie towards a more explicit goal than /pol .  these are real people and we all want basically the same thing. sort of.

shit if she wanted me to SPANK her to teach her to be a good gurl and not a bad gurl, and respect me as the man, i was/am MORE THAN WILLING to give her a GOOD spanking!

but yeah when is the first shit test given?

honestly whats more likely is that she was not interested in me at ALL in that way and was not “shit testing” me, even though shit testing is not conscious; but it was her just wanting to avoid dealing with an Inconvenient Truth.

thats a bit different than a simple standard shit test.


i have never been good at shit tests. i have always cracked. i have always been willing to give the women whatever they want. cuz im scared they will leave me. and im like i wish you could just TELL ME what you want and i would work with you. but you just get mad and then leave me because i dont do the right thing apparently. tell me what you want. but thats a joke because its womens nature to never tell you what they want? you have to figure out that they want a strong man to put them in their place somehow. they dont even really know what they want. they need a manly man to SHOW them what they want. and i have never been that kind of man.

and i have ALWAYS failed with women. but its always been uncertain what the cause was. BUT ive always been kinda unmanly in that repsect, that i dont PUT THEM IN THEIR PLACE.

of course theyre not going to TELL YOU. theyre TESTING you. they might not even REALIZE theyre testing you. its a NONVERBAL test and i ALWAYS fail it.

but the more reasonable and Positive for me interpretation here is, it wasnt a real shit test, because she was never really interested in me.  she wouldnt even hang out with me. dont shit tests happen when they hang out with you?

try to explain things you dont understand.

trying to fix things, where you dont even know what they ARE. saying fix this car and you dont even know what a car IS.  you bring it back and say uhhhhh does that look good to you? and they say yeah i guess but would you know if you fixed it? and then you bullshit bakc, well, you have to try it though to see if it breaks again. because i dont even know what a car is, i dont know how to test it.

i dont know what its supposed to look like when it works. i couldnt even tell it was broken. now that ive Reset it, im not sure if ive done that right, and i dnt know how to test it.

yes youre right, i DONT know what im doing! but its the current year and dont you know companies dont train people? im an FNG and i am jsut trying to figure stuff out.

its confidence building to figure out a problem on your own, but its not confidence building to take an exam without studying or preparing. and the entire work day is the exam. and people are bitching at you, dont you know what youre doing? no, not really!

mgtows say yes all women are like that or will become like that with the poisonous influence of our culture. women jsut cant be trusted.

traditionals say have you ever TALKED to women? not as many women are shitty like you think. there are more good woman out there than you think.

hehehehehe i really hope so.

i was trying to think of a good right wing fascist traditional role model for Rels. well you go to the man, Uncle Al himself, AH, 1488, and……while being a powerful thinker and leader and man, not sure he was the best role model for rels with women. i mean he never even had any children! although i think he had a good rel with eva braun. who was a traditional nonslut woman who loved and supported him and i am sure he luved her too hehehehe.

so WWAHD if eva braun gave him a shit test and stopped talking to him?

a degenerate r-selected rat might say, demonstrate higher value, be unflappable, and become unavailable to her, maybe even “spin plates.”

or do you confront the issue directly, say I DEMAND SATISFACTION, I WILL NOT BE TREATED THIS WAY, YOU CHANGE OR IM GONNA LEAVE YOU. then you look butthurd and man and thats not secsy to care that much and get so emotional!

plus Uncle Al was probably not one to play Childish Merchant Mind Games with White Women. He would probably go the direct route and say,


you are pushing my boundaries. stepping over the line.

so if you are not happy about that……i mean you let that UPSET you, because you CARE too much… thats BAD? and pushes the woman away? because you CARE about her? damn.

well to keep a woman from leaving you, you have to not care about them too much?

i guess. what would Uncle Al do. he would say, you treat me with respect, or i;ll find someone who will.

and then she can say oooo u mad and then dump him for not handling the shit test like a Cool Guy.

is that immature? arent all women immature until they have at least 3 kids? which most women never do?

i mean i am immature but i want to communicate when there are problems. maybe that is NAIVE? to think women will be willing and able to communicate, when you should know just  to PUT THEM IN THEIR PLACE??!?!?!?!!

i was watching pbs and they had rolling stones live in 1971 at the marquee club in london. it was a very good performance, very electrifying, the stones were at a peak. sound quality was great but the video was very spastic, with fast cuts or just close ups on mick jaggers face. just show the damn band and move and zoom slowly. and dont do so many face close ups. the band is more than mick jagger. or is this pandering to women who dont care about the rest of the band. but theyd certainly fook one of the other guys if mick was occupied. hahahaha. see how much i hate women? its a poisonous attitude.

basically, you should not be looking for a good gurl backstage at a rolling stones concert hahahaaha or any rock concert. gurls hanging around trying to FOOK rock stars. ok a woman can GO to the rock concert but dont try to FOOK the rock stars. just enjoy the concert and GO HOME when its over.

also i cant PROVE that it was my lack of masculinity that drove all the gurls away. i am unmanly and i do always get dumped but i cant PROVE that it was THIS common factor that was the root cause. but its a very easy way to scapegoat myself. i mean i am trying to improve my manliness.

anyway the stones show was excellent BUT the band is HUGE degenerates. mick prancing around like a faggot, but he sounded great. all the guys on drugs and booze and banging sluts after their shows. this is no way to live. yet they were young and strong and virile and the drugs was working well at that time. they looked young. it was strange to think, holy shit, i am OLDER THAN THE ROLLING STONES were in this video. the guy said mick and keith were 27 in this video and i was like shit i am way older than that! also they looked better than i did at 27! and they drank more! so why did they look good? because they were happy to be rocking out and banging bitches? but it was weird how some of them looked like they were dead. very wooden. well i am talking particularly about the bass player bill wyman looked dead. but who gives a shit about the bass player? nonetheless i felt he should have been having more fun. unless he was morally conflicted about being with degenerates. but im sure he wasnt. he was doing drugs and banging sluts too. so have a little more fun. a similar issue was happening with the second player, who i learned was “mick taylor” of john mayalls blues band. brian jones came before and ronnie wood came after.

anyway they did degenerate shit. i learned there was a push by their ((((MANAGER)))) to give them more of a bad boy image around this time. its an interesting lesson in how women give it up easy for badbois hahahahahaha.

the music and the performance were outstanding but there is a LOT of degeneracy to Parse Out here, which most degenerate rock fans would not be willing or able to do. ive been there myself! but i dont want to give up the music itself entirely. its the kind of degenreate wild oats i wanted to sow when i was young and never managed to do that for myself. although 27 is too old for them to be doing that hahahaha.

theres a thought that mgtow is just the opposite of feminism in the sense that its a psyop by our masters to make men and women hate each other. good goyim, women are scary and bad, maybe you should go mgtow or go gay and never have a white family! yes good goyim!

where feminism does the same thing just to women. yes shiksa hate those oppressive men! be a slut and give yourself away and let us indoctrinate your bastard mixed children!

but i never understood how haivng a bunch of welfare parasites is in the interest of the powers that be. its not like you can get tax money out of them, if they are not working. do you tax their welfare benefits hehehehe

but i would think the ideal situation is have as many people working so you can get as much tax money as possible.

anyway i might go on a blackout of mgtow type stuff because its just not good for my mental health to be that hateful to women hahahahah.

but i also gotta avoid PUA/Game stuff becasue thats even worse. total degeneracy.

yes the pro-white alt-right is a good place for me right now.

there is some overlap with manosphere and mra and mgtow and maybe even game. and i cant say mgtow is BAD. i totally understand it, almost TOO well.

i just wanna be a white knight to women and mgtow doesnt let me do thatttttt!!!!!!!

hehehe alt right says that mgtow is a mirror of sjw leftists; mgtow sayz that alt right is a mirror of sjw leftists oh good lord.

so i shouldnt have let her become so important to me?

i couldnt help it i swear. and i told her stuff like you are very imporatnt to me and weve been friends for a while now and i really appreciate that and i hope we can be friends for a long time and maybe become even closer and hang out more.  i said shit like that in my infamous xmas 2014 message which i sorta wish i saved. that was probably the biggest signal to her.

hehehe. so you should take ritalin or adderrall before you start work so you are ready to hit the ground running and not seem like you aer stupid or drugged or slow.

but also take valium or xanax so youre not freaking out. then the second you get

off the clock, take some nyquil or a sleeping pill. but of course stay at your office at LEAST an extra hour reading and studying and self training and asking Senior TeamMates questions and Signaling and especially if there are Higher Ups there who can see you staying after your shift.

once they go home, then you can go home and also by now the nyquil should be kicking in.

then go home and take care of your aging family, and you have no wife or gf or kidz, and study more work shit and take MJ if youre lucky hahahaha. you got about 1-2 hours to do all this then you SHOULD get to bed so you get enough rest to be ON for the long day tomorrow.

but it can be hard to sleep when you are worried about the job and life. but you have to sleep to be ON because every day is like a Big Exam that you’re never quite ready for.

come on. things coulda been so good. hahahaha. it was nice just to get along with a woman over the long term. thats why i like the “being friends” thing cuz that never happened when i pseudodated bitches.  i like getting to know someone, and trust them, respect them, get comfortable with them, and it would be perfect to be able to upgrade that. but do all women put you in the friendzone hahahaha.

was this wasnt even really friendzone, it was more like, i am gonna be SO OFFENDED by you liking me that i am never gonna talk to you again and we are gonna end a long term friendship right now and thats it.

are all women like this?

no, most women are even worse hahahahahaha i got off lucky!

well she was one of the most positive things in my life. i remember the good times. there really were not NEARLY as many. cause we didnt hang out enough. i regret not hanging out with her enough ahhahaha. but kinda hard if she doesnt WANT to hang out hahahaha.

but yeah i had never even been friends with a woman for years. just totally rusty. i am not used to any drama with women or how to deal with women at all! well things only got WEIRD once i got feelings for her.

but now i know can get feelings for a woman after several years.

i guess for future reference, WARN the women so they get fair warning. yeah who knows i might get feelings for you 2 years in. so lets always talk about this in the open.

shit. it doesnt even matter if they are ugly and old and have 5 mud kids and been with 30 guys and have shitty tattoos and are < 6/10 hahaha. i might still fall in luv with them. PREPARE FOR THE WORST.

basically anything can happen. i didnt think i would ever get feelings for her and i sure did. and it totally makes sense. we were close, i liked her as a person, AND she was an attractive young woman, low number, nice, not obnoxiously, not a whore, nothing blatantly ugly like obese or ugly face or stumpy hahahaha, yeah whats weird is i didnt get feelings sooner.

but yeah i hate feeling incompetent at everything job related. cant talk to customers, dont know what i am doing. but i CAN talk to customers and i CAN fake my way until after a year i sorta DO know what i am doing!

just the thought of her was a big support for me. the fantasy i had. being in luv with her. i cant believe the feelings only lasted 10 months. well, technically they are still ongoing hahaha.

i cant believe how much i invested in her. when i didnt want to get that invested in ANYONE. i was invested in her without even realizing.

and you always question yourself. mauybe i didnt beg ENOUGH hahahaha.

no of course i begged enough. but as soon as the tension was rising by feb, which was already like 4 months in, should blurted.

just sad. stuff was once so good and it went so so so so bad. it has left behind a huge void in muh life. unfort i really do need wimmin hahahahaha.



shit hhehehehe.

yeah great idea for schooling. with my skool, you wouldnt even need homeschool. i would have long talks with homeschoolers and be like nope nothing to worry about here, you can trust your kids with me, basically im just gonna give them of 4-5 years of JOB TRAINING, in at LEAST 32 different ACTUAL JOBS, AND give them actual working experience in some of those jobs over the summers.

then by the time they graduate high school, they will be skilled workers making at least 15dah and be able to be productive independent adults.

of course you didnt need a RADICAL NEW high school to be able to do this 40 “short” years ago! you just went to normal high school, then Got A Job like everybody else! didnt have to think about it! didnt have to outcompete 10 other interviewers for a 12dahj! (in 1975 dollars, purchasing power, adjusted for inflation etc)

they say yeah motherfooker at age 18 i was only making 2 dollars an hour in 1975. but 2 dollars in 1975 is like 15 dollars in 2015 hahahaah. citation needed.

you didnt need to spend 10 grand to learn how to become a Machinist. you just got an Junior Machinist job at age 18 and then in a few years became a Senior Machinist. and then in a few more years became machinist manager and then sit around and get drunk all day at work hahahahahahaha because you didnt have degenerate internet pron to look at in 1980. and shit was going well so you didnt care about degeneracy. you bitched abotu your wife but at least you had a wife and she wasnt a land whale and she didnt betray you! the worst she did was nag you. you still got secs and luv and LOYALTY.

anyway my concern now is having SAFEGUARDS so i dont go from 0 to 100 ever again.

but was it really 0 to 100?

i dont think so. it was at least 50 to 100.

maybe 60 to 100!

and the best SAFEGUARD against that would be what i already decided: BLURT IT OUT ASAP.

that would have released some pressure, and took me back dwn to 0.

i wasnt LYING, but i was kinda hiding a secret that i didnt really WANT to keep a secret, but i was just too scared to talk. and that tension kept rising and boiling. it didnt go 0 to 100 in one day but over 10 months. 300 days.  .33% per day hahahaha.

doesnt the power that be WANT us gainfully employed, because they can get more taxes out of us? and we will be more docile and controllable? because too many weird losers like me, they dont make taxes from, plus enough people like me, there will be RIOTS!

well are shiftless jobless blacks really rioting every day? hahahahaha well they are rioting every week, and killing each other every day. but thats not enough to scare the powers that be because…….tptb still get paid, still get votes, etc. i dont fookin know. you think i know how the world really works? i cant even take care of myself so of course i beleive in ridiculous conspiracy theories!!!!!!!

heh yep MW is having jared taylor on his hangout tonight, we called it hahahaha. this is real interesting that he is debuting all these BIG people right NOW rather than during his “regular season” of conversation videos. it really is gonna boost MW to the next tier and i am happy for him.

i am glad to see good things happen to good people. for a fellow Late Bloomer to become a Winner. i think he’s been planning this to be something big. he never intended it to be Just 7 Hangouts. Even if he had just done that it would have been great. but i think he was planning 7 Daily Hangouts, with a number of Big Surprise Guests.

so this is pretty fun. i am not a jared taylor fanatic but he is a big guy and a decent guy. he’s just not my own personal favorite. so i am trying to predict who else he could have on. I am officially predicting: Aurini, because MW is a fan of him or used to be, and hes never been on before.

maybe another person from TRS. 7th son was already on, so maybe something more in depth with 7th son or mike enoch.

it would not be unreasonable for ramzpaul to get on there either.

maybe david fookin duke hahahaha.

so yeah i didnt go from 0 to 100. when she started gving me the silent treatment i went from 90 to 100. and completely snapped. and that was the end of my life as i know it hahaha.

so……the question becomes

  1. how do i stop from going from 90 to 100? BLURT IT OUT before it gets to damn 50.
  2. what do i do to safeguard against silent treatment? use the following quote: “I feel upset when you stop talking to me and avoiding me. I feel very hurt by this. I will not tolerate this boundary to be crossed repeatedly. Let’s talk about this issue and get it resolved within 72 hours.  Write me an email if you don’t want to talk.”

yeah i never had someone SO CLOSE to me give the silent treatment. well, someone that i FELT close to. i had one other person give me big silent treatment, acollege roomate, BUT, at the time that began, i didnt really like him, i wasnt FRIENDS with him, i didnt feel close to him, i didnt WANT to be friends with him.

i NEVER had someone who was my friend, who i wanted to be friends with, pull such a silent treatment on me. i was totally unprepared.

it didnt help that i was already at 90. but i think SHE was at 90 too. and when she got to 100 she pulled silent treatment. and that pushed ME to 100 and i just totally broke down at life.

so tldr; you will have safeguards in place next time, becuase you wont BE at 90 when she does silent treament, you’ll be closer to 0, and indeed if i had just written an email, then what else would i have had to say to her?

also instead of tyring to get her to talk, i should have said “i cant take this any more. we have to talk now becuase this is FOOKED.” cuz i was being nice to her and trying to have small talk with her like nothing was happening, and apologizing like a beta for being weird. oh god the cringe hahahaha.

https      ://



like this terrible beta who apologizes and THEN adds a spergy second tweets signaling to the bitchy girl that he had sat in the corner and thought about what he had done, and had Learned A Lesson on why what he did was So Wrong. Maybe he can spergily flog himself like napoleon dynamite GOD SO STUPID!!!! every time he apologizes for giving unsolicited advice.  but i can TOTALLY see how a guy gets this way. you think people ever are constantly apologizing to guys? and also, when guys get unsolicited advice, the person is usually being a huge dick to them, trying to belittle them.

well i guess the girl is mad because he is a THIRSTY BETA, BEGGING for pvssy. and she is butthurt all these THIRSTY guys are BEGGING for pvssy all the time, trying to be NICE to her.

well i say dont be such a huge BITCH about it, if you HALF as THIRSTY as this guy, youd be twice as CRAY as you are now!

also he’s not begging for PVSSY per se, he’s just merely begging for some kind of attention and friendliness from women. hes the type of supreme gentleman who doesnt even think about Pvssy until he’s in LUV with the bitch hahahaha.

anyway him apologizing, then publicly signaling the reason why what he did was so wrong, is both Omega AND Sperg/Autist.

and i was falling into that quicksand, constantly apologizing to her for BEING WEIRD.  and then saying shit like oh i know this is weird for you and i am sorry for encroaching on your personal space and pushing you and not respecting your feelings.

i should have never let it get so far. i was already past 50 at that point, worn down into a weakass omega.

i should have said hey we need to talk about something important, i am being weird because i dont like being blown off and avoided all the time, we need to talk now, this ends now.

and that wuld have fixed everything hahahaha.

well it would have taken me back to 0 and maybe i would have reacted better if she pulled silent treatment on me at that point. and then i would have to take a asimilar approach there: i dont like this silent treatment, we need to talk. done.

so yeah it makes perfect sense in hindsight. she treated me with such contempt because i was a huge OMEGA apologizing all the time. i knew it was a bad situation at the time, but….i was emotionally compromised! i was in a bad state!

also, not all women HAVE to be so mean to omegas!

and she could have hung out wiht me once in TEN MONTHS rather than CONSTANTLY BLOWING ME OFF AND AVOIDING ME.

oh i brought that on myself because i was OMEGA.

fook that she has some responsibility too. she could have hung out with me ONCE. she responded to my texts after all. she gave me MIXED SIGNALS! i thought she was open to talking!

whenever she responded to my texts, which she regularly did, it gave me HOPE that we WOULD hang out someday! we used to hang out! no problem! usually it was real easy! never more than 2 weeks passed between the first suggestion and the actual hangout! sometimes SHE even initiated the hangout!

i just think ill never get that close to a woman of such high quality again.

yeah a white trash mudshark with huge family issues. but she wasnt a slut, had a low number, and was shy, intoverted, and non slutty, and under 25, so she was therefore My Perfect Ideal Women, instant pedestal.


i get it that women are as disgusted by betas/omegas as men are by sluts. but even i would treat a slut nicely even if i didnt respect them at all. i would appreciate if i were breaking a sluts heart when she had done nothing wrong to me.

oh but i did her wrong, by BEING omega TO her. this is equivalent to a slutty gurl ACTUALLY CUCKING the guy shes dating.

no i dont think so. orders of magnitude different.

in one you are playing fast and loose with A HUMAN LIFE, ie your bodys ability to create human life.

in another, you are just being a pathetic desperate begging omega. you only hurt yourself and offend the stupid bitch youre dealing with, who rolls her eyes at how pathetic youre being. no third party innocent lives ever enter the picture.

were there more male nurses and male secretaries and male medical assistants when Women Didnt Work? probably but they jsut called them assistants or apprentices and the job itself was viewed as more masculine and certainly didnt require more than a high school education.

like, did men do all the jobs that women NOW do? i mean i understand that HR and Women Makework jobs didnt exist, but you still needed Nurses and Secretaries.

well i mean come on. didnt they have a lot more male TEACHERS back in the day?

but yeah i hate that i was reduced to a begging supplicating omega for her. and that wasnt her fault per se. sure she could have just hung out with me or just talked to me or just stopped avoiding someone she used to be friends with. she could have reacted better but i could have reacted better too, like an alpha male who doesnt take shit.

still, me acting like an omega is like -1 pain on her, and her ABortioning me was a -20 of pain against me.

well i applied for the damn post office job. it only took like an hour of typing in bullshit hahahahaha. looking up your selective service number, thankfully they only wanted 7 years of employment history hahahaha and not all years. so i only had to put 2 jobs!

what was i gonna say. yeah i can see how being an omega is so offensive to women, because heres a weak man that wont protect me and muh chirren, but……they still pick deadbeat thugs anyway, tough “protectors” that abandon their children. and have secs with anyone. its sucks for a man to be omega but i dont think its as much of a shameful crime as being a slut. being a slut is simply more destructive, and to more people.

also i would still treat sluts as people unless they cucked me directly. this woman cant even write me an EMAIL.


hehehe sinead mccarthy talking about mgtow

i should listen to the vidya and not just read the comments but there are good points in the comments.

i mean it cuts to the core of my self, as i used to be a huge mgtow but now i am moving over towards the racial stuff in my older age. and a lot of my mgtow stuff came from the fact that i was/am bitter, over failure and disappointment with women. which leads to blaming of the self and an inferiority complex (“im just not good enough to get a decent woman”) with some woman blaming as well (“50%-75% of modern women are promiscuous stupid crazy bipolar sociopath narcissist psychopath slut  high number 30+ guys babykilling coalburner mudshark single mom betrayer parasite hypergamous hamster sellout evil stupid crazy soulless monsters degenerates”)

dont get me wrong, i blame myself for being a weak loser omega as much as i blame women for being degenerate monsters hahahaha.

ie, i am such a weak man the only women i can pull are degenerate monsters, who in turn Reinforce my negative thoughts about women, and probably my self.

i guess the fact that i had a successful friendship with her for 2 years counts for something. well of COURSE it does. it means i CAN connect with a WOMAN on a meaningful level for a long term period. that is huge. it means there is hope for me yet. that i am not some total wizard autist who cannot talk to women at all.

also it is important for me to understand that i didnt deserve that kind of treatment. i was not perfect at all, i could have been more…..alpha and strong and manly and courageous and brave and bold and MASCULINE. but i wasnt abusing her, in fact i had relinquished all my power to her, and she understandably found that weird and uncomfortable, but in my defense i didnt know what i was doing, i was kinda acting out of fear, fight or flight, and sliding down a slippery slope, and my idea of “fighting” was just frantic flailing like a drowning man, total desperate grasping and flailing because i couldnt fathom the thought of Losing Her.

on the other hand, when you have to reject a person who obviously has feelings for you……..FOOKING DO IT NICELY PLEASE. dont SHAME them while you reject them. if you had the worlds worst abusive relationship for years, ok maybe, and maybe she was so annoyed that she felt i made her life a living hell.

well there is a world of difference between being ANNOYING and being ABUSED.

and also being ANNOYED and having your heart totally broken.

maybe i should make sinead my waifu hahahahaha who cares about the flat earth, she is pro white and attractive and is pro-white-children and probably recognizes that monogamy is best.

did she bang the black guy we see in the pictures? is she obligated to tell us? is it any of our business?

well……i dunno how obligated anyone is to do anything, but SINCE she is a pro-white activist, it would be a good bona fide for her to directly address the COAL BURNING rumors.

heck even if she just banged one black guy 50% of pro whites could probably get over it. i mean ive made mistakes too. were all human hahahahaha. we just want to know she isnt a liar, and that it isnt a long term pattern.

shit i mean the woman of muh dreams who i threw my llife away over banged a black guy. i should be calling her coal burner mud shark bla bla bla. but i honestly dont care because it was just one guy, and she hasnt BEEN with a lot of guys, under 5, and she probably will not go Back to Blacks after this one mistake.

yes i think its a good bona fide for a woman not necessarily to State Their Number, but if they’ve been with less than 5 guys, to be proud of and signal their non sluttiness. you dont need to tell me your number, but if you say its less than 5, shit i would be happy with that!!!!!!!!! all need to know. less than 5, shit. just glad its not over 30 hahahahaha.

nonsluts should be signaling their nonsluttiness as much as sluts are signaling their sluttiness.

say you have to call your car insurance company to see if they cover a “hit and run”of somebody hitting your car in a parking lot then driving off. and you cant understand your complicated policy, or cant find a copy of it. WHO YA GONNA CALL for answers, advice, and help? you call the fooking insurance company  OF COURSE. its their JOB to service your damn insurance policy, and therefore to understand it and know about it, right? you want to CALL them and TALK to someone who UNDERSTANDS better than you do. someone who gives you confidence that they know what they’re doing, know what they’re talking about, can make sense of your policy.

and theres the rub. the poor schmuck youre calling is a Fookin New Guy who makes no more than 15 DAH at absolute maximum, and he understands your policy even LESS than you do.

uhhhhh well reading the language in this policy makes me think….leads me to believe…..i THINK what its saying is bla bla bla….. yeah it kinda looks like it might cover this…… uhhhhhhhhhhhhh good question let me ask my level 2 insurance agent that question, i’ll be back in 5-10 minutes…….yes i told him that…..well what he said was, and maybe this makes more sense to you than it does to me hahahahaha…….nope you cant talk to him directly, he’s helping 20 other level 1 agents just like me……how do i know HE knows what hes talking about? jeez i dunno. i dont know what im talking about so thats why i went to him…….nope you cant talk to him, as i say, hes slammed with 20 questions right now. but he said your policy doesnt cover this, so sorry, youre gonna have to go ahead and pay $2000 to fix your own car. nope nothing we can do. nope you cant talk to a level 2. welp you can try to call back and hope you get a better level 1 than me, im just a fookin new guy who doesnt really understand shit sorry. nope you cant speak to my manager, but i will tell them you complained about me and our whole department. i promise i will pass that along.

its cringeworthy, and how do you think it feels to be the level 1 employee in that situaiton? GOD FOOKING AWFUL, I CAN ASSURE YOU. because you WANT to HELP, you want to do your JOB, you want to make people HAPPY, you dont want people getting mad at you because the insurance company is not gonna cover shit, OOPS GOTCHA you got the wrong insurance policy, HAHA GOTCHA! because its a hit and run and the other driver didnt give you his insurance info, nothing we can do, HAHA GOTCHA! although I could never say haha gotcha. i was like damn that sucks i cant believe my company is screwing you like this, but theirs nothing i can do and no one i can transfer you to.

that is why i am VERY hesitant about seeking jobs where dealing with Complex, Complicated, Confusing issues from Customers is a main part of the job.

yep in my 12dah opinion, this is what your insurance policy is saying. i guess maybe you could hire a lawyer for 300 dah to give you a more authoritative explanation? sorry were just the insurance company youre paying for your insurance policy, we dont really know about the policy.

being put regularly in situations where you dont know what you’re doing; you dont feel prepared or trained for this; YOU DONT KNOW WHAT TO TELL THEM. “what should I TELL them”?????

yeah i hate that because i dont like feeling like an idiot. “well ok maybe youre not an idiot outside of work….but at work….youre kind of an idiot. you dont know how to DO YOUR JOB.”

fook you phaggot.

simple, straightforward, yes or no customer questions are fine though. they are WELCOME!

but explain why this piece of shit is “WORKING AS INTENDED”? fook that. no i cant explain. because its not cost effective to fix it. ITS NOT A BUG, ITS A FEATURE. ITS WORKING AS INTENDED. yeah but its a piece of shit and clearly the intention SUCKS. fix the INTENTION. nope sorry too expensive cant do it. hhahahaha. so you learn to bullshit them with yep ill make an official suggestion and forward that to product development team, probably wll take at least 2 months to build it in tho, so sorry, im sorryabout that.

and then of course just close the case because We Dont Take Suggestions For Features hahahaha.

i am very ethical. i honestly want to help the customers and to make sure the company is doing the right thing for the customers. in my previous job i didnt really get very many scammers. and the shit was so CONFUSING you couldnt TELL whether somebody was trying to scam or not.

this confusion of not knowing what youre doing for 10 hours a day does not build your confidence. it eats away at your confidence.

so yeah i dont want to even apply for Customer Service for Insurance COmpanies, are you KIDDING?

its the insurance companies JOB to DENY CLAIMS. NOPE SORRY! GOTCHA! cant really explain why but thats what my superior, who you cant talk to, said! my best understanding of his explanation is bla bla bla…..yes i explained what you said, to him…..but you dont trust me because i am clearly not good at explaining or understanding things. ok. let me read you exactly what i typed to him. ok lets you and me craft the perfect sentence, and i will read it back to you word for word, well wait 5 minutes for a response, and i will read back what he said word for word, and together we will try to decipher it, using this indecipherable insurance policy as our guide. this is what your insurance company pays me 13DAH for hahahaha

when really they should be paying 20 DAH for how ridic that job is, but then your insurance would cost even more. and the agent wouldnt necessarily know more, they would just be better compensated for facing the firing squad all day erry day.

an angry customer just wanting an explanation and you are not able to give it to them because YOU dont understand. so you literally have to force yourself to understand as quickly as possible, then explain THAT convincingly as to why you can’t help the customer in this situation.

but muh baby is dying of cancer, what do you mean you cant pay for any of his treatment?

well uhhhh it kinda looks like you went to this one doctors appointment 3 days after the cutoff period, so uhhhh technically the cancer is then a preexisting condition. i think. the policy is confusing innit hahahah so sorry about your kid/mother dying, nothing we can do hahahahahaha

yeah that kind of shit i cant handle. i would go back to stupid technical support before i went into INSURANCE. there you are saying no to people even more. i dunno its hard for me to say no especially when its impossible to understand the companys policies.

when i was young and rebellious i made bad choices. i attached my rebellion to degenerate and nihilistic things: alcohol, MJ, pornography, unfocused hatred and anger against the normies, self pity, feeling like a victim, atheism, anti-religion, leftism, marxism, sjw, and still i didnt really like women!

but it would have been nice to attach to a positive movement like pro white or reaction or far right hahahaha back when i was an EDGY teen hahaha.

well i was nihilistic and degenerate until like age 27 anyway. it took me TOO long to realize how risky mgtow was, it played on all my insecurities with wimminz.

of course wimminz were always a huge issue for me, always on my mind. but i mean reactionaries have a more positive view of women than mgtows do. and the fact is, i NEED women. i dont want to live WITHOUT women. i will ALWAYS WANT women, or be into the idea of a Special Woman to be Wife and mother of children, inparticular.

and even when i have NO women in my life and am essentially living a mgtow life… still thinking about women ALL THE TIME.

anyway. note to women. when you have to reject a guy who likes you…….do it nicely. even if he ANNOYS you. is he being blatantly mean to you? or just a big weak coward omega?

just very ridiculous that one of the most important women in my life could just….do something so monstrous. its dissonant. incongruent. its not right that she should be remembered in this way. a decent person who did a horrible hurtful thing.

well its not as bad as CHEATING right? no probably not. and dont plenty of people cheat, and break the heart of their lover, who thought they were a great person? such a decent person! I cant beleive they cheated on me!

what if i met an asian gurl who loved me and was very nice; AND i met a white gurl who had tons of baggage, high number, crazy, but she loved me and was willing to have children with me. both women love me and want to have children with me. one is an asian gurl with very few red flags, and the other is a white gurl with a decent number of red flags. which one do you choose? i would WANT to choose the white gurl becuase i prefer white gurls and i want white children.

ideally you say you choose neither, you find a better white woman.

but what if youre getting old and you severely doubt you’ll find a better white woman, and this is the best white woman you can get?

well i would say, if you’re 50 years old and havent had a child yet, go ahead and knock up the trashy crazy white woman. this is assuming she actually loves you and would be loyal to you. which i guess is a tall order in itself!

basically i worry i wont find a better quality white woman than this one. and i guess on paper, tehnically, That Woman was a step down in quality from the previous woman, who had been with EVEN LESS guys, and had a better family life, good relationship with father, normie as hell, mature communicator.

when i first met That Woman, possibly a part of why i didnt immed fall in luv with her, was because i felt she was a STEP DOWN from the previous woman.

hehehe but eventually i fell in luv with her anyway. cuz she didnt fail the absolutely worst dealbreakers: being a huge slut, or being blatantly insane crazy. plus she was nice as hell to me! that certainly helped win me over. its nice when women are nice to and WANT to HANG OUT with you. then it SUCKS when they start avoiding you and ignoring you hahahaha.

it was the porno for so many years, combined with the lack of contact with women for so many years. i didnt realize how degenerate porno was. i was happy to rebel against religion! but i couldnt see that porno was still degenrate and immoral regardless of religion. also i couldnt possibly view religion as a possibly good thing. i was an edgy atheist.

like i say, i think this edgy atheist nihilism degeneracy might be characteristic of OLDER millennials, while the YOUNGER millennials are actually on a good righteous moral Fashy Path. they are Getting it. they are seeing the example of slightly older failures like me and learning from them. good for the young kids, bad for the old failure virgin neets like us hahahahaha.

i was never dumped/rejected because i did something horribly wrong, like couldnt stop cheating, couldnt stop drinking, because i hurt the person who loved me too much. i was always dumped because they lost interest in me, didnt HAVE interest in me, beause i was too weak, too beta, too needy, too inferior. this definitely sets you up for an inferiority complex!

so then you think eveyrthing you do is needy. you think you are always needy or weak even if youre really not.

for example texting someone 100 times a day is need. texting them less than 5 times a day, probably not. especially if you are taking days off of texting altogether.

wanting to hang out with somebody every day is needy. wanting to hang out with somebody once every few weeks is NOT needy.

also, plain old FEELINGS can be misinterpreted as NEEDINESS by the other person, ESPECIALLY if they dont share the feelings.

well, i PROMISE you, that when THEY had feelings like YOU do, for whoever, that THEY were JUST AS “needy”.

remind them to put the shoe on the other foot. walk a mile in your shoes. really truly actually literally empathize. tell them that. tell them, well, when YOU really liked somebody, how did YOU act? before you accuse me, take a look at yourself, you fookin hypocrite hahahahahahaha.

and then MW had RamZPaul come on RIGHT AFTER jared taylor. hehehe this is almost too much. he could have gotten a full day out of ramzpaul. shit i hope ramz comes back! ramz is really good but his videos are too SHORT and too silly! but i think he is gradually becoming more serious. and its always good to have a LONGER discussion with him. so yeah ramz is getting there.

also jared taylor for only 45 minutes hahahaha. is this REALLY IMPOSING on him SO much hahahaha. is he doing MW such a BIG favor? i mean he is a natural. he clearly LIKES talking to people. and taylor speaking eloquently probably comes EASY to him. this is what he’s GOOD at. its not like me going to my stupid job for 11 hours a day, where it took every ounce of life out of me.

its not needy or controlling or abusive to want the person to not date other people! ask them, look, listen, come on, when YOU really liked someone, did YOU want them fooking other people? HELL NO!!!!!!!

my problem was, ALWAYS was, i got too strong feelings too soon. like if i were making out or having secs with a cute young girl, i would start to get feelings hahahaha.

also i think its NORMAL AND NATURAL to start getting feelings once you start getting physical with a cute young woman!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

or even if you dont get physical with them, if you are in proximity with them for a while and start becoming friendly with them. like what happened with Previous Woman. though i still got feelings for her too quick. i had feelings for her before i even first officially hung out with her.

but with That Woman, i hung out with her and actually became friends with her before getting feelings. and this was totally new to me.

so, it was kewl i didnt get feelings for her TOO FAST…..although i still kinda did. when it finally happened, it was 0 to 100. and then i couldnt put the genie back in the bottle.

the real lesson to learn is, how to MATCH/MIRROR your feelings with that the woman has for YOU. in other words, i shouldnt have gotten feelings because she clearly didnt have any for me.

well, at the time, i wasnt so sure on that! there was a time when she was SO nice to me, that i couldnt help but think she might have feelings for me! oh those were the days hahahaha

yep that was a long time ago. once i started getting WEIRD, she stopped being so NICE.

which caused me to be WEIRDER, which caused her to be less and less NICE. when finally she dumped me with no niceness whatsoever.

not really what i needed at this point in my life. what i REALLY needed was to have a nice GF and actually go out with a nice gurl longterm and monog for damn once finally! and i thought i found a great person for that.

but instead it ended in a very bad way. what is the LORD trying to teach me here. is he trying to show me whos the boss? bbbbbut i swear i wanted to have a loving christian one man one woman procreative traditional rel with her! wife her up and make some babies! no joke! i have been a degenerate in the past but why would G-d STILL be PUNISHING me for that? is that just the kind of g-d he is?

this is a holdover from my edgy youth, when i thought of the “scumbag god” who wants to deprive you from all your earthly PLEASURE. which then I supported hedonism and degeneracy and now i understand that god is RIGHT to reject that shit. now my mind is in a much more godly place, i want nondegenerate, traditional, man wife children rels with women, and still failing.

WELL. to be fair. even when i was a degenerate, i had nondegenerate feelings towards the women. i wanted to have more or less traditional, monog, loving, loyal rels with them, even when i was a degen 21 year old. i still wanted to Go Out with them. it wasnt all about degen fooking. it was about having a serious rel.

so yeah in other words i had something good and nondegen and righteous in me right from the beginning.

shit as soon as i became interested in gurls at age 12, i was a huge White Knight, wanted to have a Loving Loyal Rel with a Decent Woman. a real Partnership. With Mutual Luv. no controlling or manipulation. just 2 people luving each other and staying together for a long time.

it might be disney white knight stuff, BUT i also think its good and traditional and nondegen. and i had it from Pre Puberty. so thats a GOOD thing is what im saying, for me not being a degen or nihilist at heart.

anyway. yeah i could have told her sooner. but she could have been nicer to me.

i know women hate omegas and weakness……but she still could have been nicer to me.

i could have acted better…..but just because i messed up didnt mean i deserved to be treated THAT badly.

i made a mistake, but it was not such a hurtful mistake that i deserved to be punished like THAT.

I would never do that to somebody if the roles were reversed.

and i will never understand why she couldnt. even with the  Occams Answers of: Easy Way Out, bad father, chaotic family life, trust issues, possible mother issues.

maybe if i had all those i would do this to somebody hahahaha.

and so i just have to accept that this is it. this is all the closure im gonna get.

shit. if i could ask her WHY? WHYD YOU DO THIS TO ME? even she probably wouldnt be able to answer. she doesnt even know why she did this. again, a combination of the occam answers is most liekly.

or, she would give a bitchy answer like YOU MADE ME DO THIS. which i dont think is right, and which i DEFINITELY dont need to hear.

i really want to know the Dynamic of her major boifran. when i first met her she was very hush hush about him. but she wasnt hush hush about other things. so why him. well because things were on the outs probably. by the time i met her, 1.25 years later, they were done, and i think that last year was just all pretty bad. ok fine. so how was it in the first half? i think he was probably still really stubborn but he also drank a lot hahaha. then he stopped drinking. he probably had his own badboi issues right from the very beginning. but he was not a cheater. well i dont know though. i dont think he was. i met him and he was a good guy, just very stubborn and not a great fit for her, and she def loved him more. honestly i think he was just a full AUTIST and didnt know how to relship hahahaha. thats all. he was a stubborn autist. but a decent guy. but not a great guy for her. he didnt luv her enough. i luved her more than he did hahahaha. but he was such a stubborn autist he prob got comfortable in the rel and had no desire to go out and cheat. he was prob ok just getting drunk and having her being nice and loving to him and doing all the work hahahaha. i cant overstate, how nice it is when women turn on that nice womanly charm and are all nice and warm and loving and supportive to you. i dont get it very often hahahaha. but its VERY nice to get. very addictive.

say i met a nice white gurl like sinead mccarthy hahahaha. but she has big red flags too. flat earth? her troubled youth which i dont know too much about but that it was kinda troubled? i should just listen to that damn interview where she talks about it. perhaps a psych ward, perhaps oppositional defiant disorder. point is, she could be certifiably crazy. and youre not supposed to TRUST crazy.

but were all crazy in a way arent we?

yeah but women are more likely than men to go to shrinks and get diagnosed. usually as BIPOLAR. the even more crazy ones graduate to BORDERLINE.

but shrinks are bullshit right? meds are bullshit.

nonetheless i still think a “bullshit” diagnosis of BIPOLAR and especially BORDERLINE is a red flag.

if that woman went to a shrink, what would they diagnose her as?

basically im saying, couldnt JUST ABOUT EVERY WOMAN get diagnosed as bipolar at least, IF they went to a shrink?

anyway. the job frustration always boils down to, youve gotta give somebody bad news aka you cant help them, you cant do anything for them, because…..some stupid reason that doesnt make sense which you cant even explain to them because it doesnt make sense to you.

there are no articles on the internet on how to deal with this.

what i would do is go home after a long day and then STUDY the shit i didnt understand, until i sorta understood it better. because noone was gonna understand it FOR me.

https     ://

TRS is good people, right up there with millennial woes for me. they are certainly friendly towards each other.

shit 7th son is gonna be on again tonight. good man.

and red ice again AND wife with a purpose too! i do like her. not sure if she is as crazy as my other waifu sinead mccarthy. although sinead might be hotter hahahahaha. wwap has a weird face but she is not ugly ugly and she has FIVE fooking white children whom she homeschools. FIVE kids. some sinead haters seem to think she is a bandwagon jumper. i dunno. i mean sinead is still in a probationary period for me. ive listened to more wwap and wwap might be getting out of probation pretty soon, she seems to check out.  very glad to see her on MW and hope they will have one on one talks in the new year.

but its great seeing MW transform himself, stepping up to the big leagues before our very eyes. to go from being a 30 year old neet to being a man who is finally getting the respect, recognition, and luv he deserves.

like us he used to be kind of a loser but he overcame. and we are witnessing his big rise to glory right now. it is amazing. he deserves it. i just hope he makes the hangouts more regular, and has these guests on again. TRS, WWAP, greg johnson, it is just glorious. i am thankful.

hehehehe my personality and relationship reports

i should try to eat less than 1700 calories a day

shit as we speak MW is doing the Female Edition with WWAP and lana from red ice ie henriks wife.  not bad. someone in the chat said they had invited sinead aka shiksa goddess but she either said no or didnt respond hahahaha.

good god, now ROOSH is in the chat room, this is just ridiculous hahaha. this is the biggest thing i have ever been a part of hahahaha.

anyway the other epiphany i had today was:

IF SHE HAS SECS VERY EASILY, SHE WILL DUMP YOUR ASS AND BREAK YOUR HEART VERY EASILY. She will treat hearts with no more care than c0x. and both should be treated very carefully.

But yeah if she thinks nothing of taking cox, you think she’s gonna care about breaking your heart? so dont fall in luv with sluts. easier said than done though, cuz its POWERFUL when qt young girls show enough interest in you to have secs with you……….and then the interest is gone, becuase they show this interest to EVERY guy, briefly.

so i was glad to find a woman that wasnt Like That.



shit. i accidentally saw the worst thing i have ever seen since perhaps “3 guys 1 hammer”, and i hesitate to even describe it! it was just godawful. would like to erase it from my memory. it was “basically” a “crushing” video but even worse. where a “woman” was using a high heel to gouge out a fluffy little animals eyes and pierce its skull and grinding into its skull with a god damn fooking high heel through its eyes and brain and skull. i think it was a dog like a fluffy little dog. you are not used to seeing the animal in such a position. it looked like its little legs were tied with a weak ribbon and it was helplessly squirming around and thank god i did not have the sound turned on. and the woman was just grinding the heel through its eyes, into its skull, jesus christ. i mean come on.

i didnt even realize what i was watching, it started right out with the heel in the eye, in progress, and how are you supposed to recognize and process that.  after like 10 seconds it sunk it and i was like oh jesus i hope this is fake. how could something so horrible be real. oh dear god cannot be unseen.

i couldnt pull my eyes away, like i had to see the horror. although i think i did not / could not watch the whoel thing. it was like a 1-2 minute webm video.

then i hid that post and shortly after reported it to Mods. meaning THEY are gonna have to LOOK at it! but i think alot of innocent readers of the 8ch thread got mindfooked accidentally watching the same thing.

i mean it COULD be fake. but it didnt look blatantly fake and i am not willing to look at it again!!!!!!!!!

it haunted my mind as i tried to go to sleep.

thankfully i was able to sleep. i had a weird dream but nothing like that horrible video.

HOW did i see such a horrible thing you may ask? i was reading an thread that was actually very interesting and good: when you are “dating” someone you think is Red Pilled, but they turn out to be horribly Blue Pilled. you think they’re cool, but they’re not really cool, and you feel disappointed and maybe even somewhat betrayed. hehehehe. had some relevance to me. it was a great thread and worth saving/linking…….except that one god damn post more than ruined the whole thread.  yeah i mean it really takes time to get over seeing something like that!

i think the post the awful poster was trying to make was, stop white knighting and orbiting the 1 woman in this thread, because women are pure evil, see what they can do!!!!!!! its a WOMAN doing this stomach churning, brain boggling evil!

i think that was his point.

which is a valid point, but he was clearly an unhinged true woman-hater broken man mgtow type. because you dont have to SHOW this kind of thing to prove the evil women are capable of. shit this will make you think women are MORE evil than they really are. the guy has to have a screw loose to have a copy of this video on his computer, and to then post the video to 8chan, to make anyone watch it.

he hid it behind a “spoiler alert” question mark so it didnt show up right away. you had to click the spoiler first to get to it.

note to self: read the responses to such posts before clicking on the question mark hahahaha.

i mean i had spent some time on 8chan earlier that day so had already seen a few pcitures of big black dicks, and dead bodies, and decapitated bodies hahahahaha. but i was not prepared for this.

and that is only right and just. i hope NEVER to be prepared for THAT. the PROPER reaction is HORRIFIED. the proper reaction is to have it haunt you at night. if you didnt have that reaction, then youd be a damn PSYCHOPATH.

anyway the guy was massively butthurt that there was a gurl talking in the thread and all the 8ch betas were trying to impress her. and i an understand the butthurt all too well. i dont like women coming into muh safe male spaces, because all the lonely thirsty betas fall all over each other trying to impress the gurl, because your Political / Social / Religious / Philosophical MOvement is 99% Thirsty Beta Virgins.

oh god i gotta stop using that word “thirsty” its gay hahahaha.

but yeah when a gurl enters these Spaces (the word space is gay too), it TOTALLY changes the dynamic. 1 gurl can change the dynamic of 100 men. if those 100 men are all desperate lonely hugless virgins!

it sidetracks the entire discussion and becomes desperate one upsmanship to compete for the woman!

kinda RUINS the INTEGRITY of the discussion.

obviously if all or most of the men had GFs or at least fook buddies, they wouldnt be so sidetracked by one gurl entering the discussion.

its so obvious that we are all SO DESPERATE for a woman that we would fall all over ourselves to appease and impress women who are ideologically, politically, morally OPPOSED to What We Believe. just gimme some leftist marxist communist baby killing SJW special snowflake anti white anti traditional puppy torturing college gurl action!

ok and the dream i had it involved some green gas that blew up in peoples faces and made them incoherent and stupid permanently. even just a little bit of it had a big impact. you breathed just one puff of it and you were a retard 4 lyfe. and kids were acting like this was the cool new drug.

anyway when i was a young nihilist throwing my life away i would sometimes look for edgy shock videos, faces of death type shit, to prove how tough and badass and nihilist i was hahahaha. yep a bad idea because you do become desensitized. but at some point i stopped looking at shit like that, i never got too deep into it thank god, and never watched any Professionally Produced and Staged Animal Torture Videos!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

really watching porno was more damaging to me. cuz i watched porno regularly since i was like 15 or 16!!!!! holy shit! and i didnt realize how it could warp your mind. especially when you never had anything to do with real women.

i mean i can not look at porno for MONTHS now but i fear the damage is already done.

stupid nihilist.

heh. if a gurl can get an abortion then she could be paid to kill a puppy with a high heel into its eyes. good lord. you wonder what that woman is like in evil life. probably cant tell her from any other woman hahahahaha. probably goes oooohhhhh soooo cuuuutteeeeeee when looking at puppies and babies. then kills them for degenerate oil sheikhs for 10 grand a pop hehehehehe.

i mean there ARE people who watch this sort of stuff, prob jerk off to it. i am thankful i am not THAT fooked up!

but yeah that kinda ruined my day! got the woman off my mind tho hahahaha.

4-5 months and nothing from her, well i guess she has forgotten about me hahahaha. i was hoping thanksgiving, xmas, new years might make her nostalgiac, make her RETHINK things hahahaha. but nooooooooo.

when i first met her i thought, well shes a nice gurl, but too much baggage for me to get really involved with.

then later i was like nope not too much baggage at all. very nice gurl. not a slut. some issues but who doesnt have issues. we all do. i have huge issues. i can totally live with this. i luve her.

then it was like how could she do this to me. well because she just has weird rels with men. but what woman doesnt. they are all sluts who let way too many men partake of their most precious resource.

so they say, in order to meet good traditional women, go to where good traditional women are. like church. or meetups of traditional neoreactionary nationalists racial realists hahahahaha. see the latter is all men. a sausage fest. and the few women are either attention whores, or they already have 5 kids. the latter is great. but…. damn. That Woman was not “A Traditionalist” but she was traditional where it counted, mainly she was not a promiscuous whore. and she was not super feminist. and she was kinda anti-gay if you can believe it. she was not in favor of the big gay marriage thing. so these things allowed me to put her on a pedestal as a really Cool Red Pill Traditional Gurl.

but the bad news was that she was just THAT bad at communicating with me.

she could communicate with me about some things, like her first boifrand, but other things, like her second boifrand, and most importantly her rel with ME, she could not communicate worth SHIT about those important things.

i wasnt great either but i tried to put it out there. but got shit on becuase i was so weak and unmasculine.

well i try to be more strong and masculine when i am with women but shit i had a moment ok???!?!?!?!?!

5 scoops of coffee per pot, that seems better.

anyway. yeah just the never knowing. was the whole thing a fantasy? fook that i know she felt close to me from…..say oct 2013 to about nov 2014. after that she was picking up my signals and then she started distancing. couldnt talk about it. could only distance. well i mean i see why, lots of people distance and avoid and are too cowardly to confront issues. i have done this myself. many a time. just not really with such DEVASTATING effects on another person!

thanks to everyone who likes and follows muh blog.  ideally i would do a youtube channel and maybe even google hangouts hahahaha. but then i would expose myself and not be able to be a leader in the reactionary movement hahahaha because my NEUROTICISM is not a great leadership quality in that universe.

heh. muh neuroticism has impacted a lot.

that feel when people can just look at you and tell within 5 seconds that SOMETHING is MAJORLY wrong with you. wait, youre saying youre 30+ years old, a jobless neet, quit your job because you cant handle being rejected by a gurl you never even fooked, have a college degree but you never made more than 15DAH and never moved out of home, had secs with only 1 girl, 2 times, 11 years ago, and have been spendng the last 5 months moping and whining and bitching? WHAT THE FOOK IS WRONG WITH YOU ????!?!?!?!?!?!!??!???!????!?!?!??!

hehehehe well muh poor fam does enable me cuz they dont know what else to do with me!!!

fam doesnt know what to do with me, i dont know what to do with myself, so i take 20 mg of citalopram a day, go to shrink once every 2 or 3 weeks to deal with the artificially prolonged crisis of being Harshly Dumped and trying to get a job. any job at this point.

waaahhhh wahhhh

anyway i was gonna say yeah youre not gonna meet Single Women if you go to meetups of your interests, because your interests are 99% male anyway hahahaha.

also, single women DONT NEED TO ADVERTISE and congregate in groups. they can pick their mates remember? and the ones who dont get married young have a big screw loose! they always think they can do better! and often pick the worst men! so yes actually they can do better, they just dont want to pick anything other than a thuggish deadbeat dark triad badboi, and if they have a history of picking that, uhhhhh they are not gonna stop picking those AFTER 25 hahahaha

hmm ad for a cnc machinist for 60 hours a week, need recent 12 months working experience, they dont want shiftless jobless bums hahahahahah. and 2 years of cnc experience. of course it costs 4500$ to do a cnc training program hahaha.

whats an od/id grinder

inside diameter outside diameter. i think this can tie in to CNC or computer numerical control.

there are a decent amount of “machine shops” in the area but uhhhhh i have no idea and no experience hahaha

i am just going to google maps and looking near muh home in like these industrial / commercial parks, finding the big buildings that have linked names of companies, machine shops, grinding, cnc, aerospace, metal, steel, suppliers, OEM, injection, molding, plastics, pumps, tools, dies, tooling, power, boring, drilling, grinding, hahahaha all this shit i have no idea what it means or wat do. but jobs for grown up working class men over 30. that are definitely not straight customer service or restaurant or retail.

heh wish for high school i had just done a cnc program in one year, an hvac program another year, an electrical program another year, a welding program another year.  shit if all high schools were like that every kid could be making 15DAH at age 18, rather than struggling to make 15DAH after 30+ hahahaha.

maybe have a month for customer service, a month for restaurants, a month for retail, a month for banking, a month for technical support. a month for carpentry, a month for od id grinding hahahah, a month for health care, a month for



kid has 4 years of high school right. uh they get 3 months off for summer. well you know i would have then work coops or internships during the summer to get experience in a company. these would be arranged by the school and no keed would be left behind hahahaha. no literally the school would place every kid into a summer work program, give the kid a choice of course, give us your top 5 choices from thsi list and well try to accomodate. no interviews, no competition hehehe. cuz EVEN HUGLESS VIRGIN AUTISTS GOTTA WORK FOR A LIVING.

also the kid would make money for his summer work. not some bullshit unpaid internship. the kid would learn the value of work, and the value of money, and not have to do it at fooking MCDONALDS, but doing something semi “skilled” right from the age of 14.

ok how about, each CLASS would be on a JOB/CAREER. take 8 classes every school year. 32 classes in 4 years.

use The 32 to learn, gain experience and knowledge, and make decisions about their future work.

i would say totally immerse them in each module for like 1 month. 1 month per class. and then just like train them like you would for a job. 2 weeks of training and then 2 weeks of on the job, with the same companies who would employ the students during the summers.

is this how they already do it in germany hahahahah with the Dumb Kids?

well I would include Smart Kid careers in there too. doctor lawyer engineer researcher scientist etc.

you could pick The 32 from the list of fastest growing, or probably better would be Most Job Openings. and if the most Job Openings are in McDonalds, then you teach from the point of view of a Store Manager.

  1. electrician
  2. hvacr
  3. welding (is that the same as pipefitting???)
  4. plumbing
  5. cnc machining
  6. mason / stone
  7. wood working
  8. carpentry / construction
  9. automotive
  10. aerospace
  11. medical doctor
  12. nurse
  13. police
  14. fire
  15. lawyer
  16. mechanical engineer
  17. tech support
  18. systems analyst
  19. accountant
  20. restaurant
  21. retail
  22. biotech
  23. machine shop
  24. banking / finance
  25. (this is all off the top of my head super fast) teacher
  26. Software Engineer
  27. Electrical Engineer
  28. restaurant server
  29. call center
  30. customer service rep
  31. sales (these to all work on your peopel skills!)
  32. priest / religious

ok im cut off now hahahaha. note that these should be focused more on ACTUAL JOBS and job titles and Jobs that actually exists, rather than DEGREES which supposedly prepare you for a range of jobs.

NO. I will prepare them for the ACTUAL jobs, one by one.

there will be a number of very customer service oriented jobs so they get experience and knowledge on how to talk to people and build people skills.

that will then probably help them with Dating and Friends and Social and taking care of their life.

well…life skills are very important tho and many families dont teach them. so i would teach:

33. dating

34. communication In Relationships

35. renting a house

36. buying a house

37. personal finance and not going into debt

38. cars

39. health care

40. retirement

41. good physical health

42. good emotional health

just spitballing on some important life skill classes. i think we could tack on an extra year to my Awesome Super High School!

and then the kids could go to college if they wanted………..or they could start making at least 15DAH right out of high school. actually I would MAKE them do that for at LEAST one or two years. two years.

they could go to Cheapest Community College or Online COllege in their spare time if they wanted.

then after 2 years of work minimum they could go to a University for a Job Oriented Degree. STEM of courshe. all non stem departments would be shut down and the marxist phds made to work in call centers, restaurants, and retail hahahahaha.

of course the kids would work with counselors throughout their schooling. and the counselor WOULD get them in a summer work as well as an after skool job. trying to match it up halfway decently with the kids Skills and their personal Preferences. for example everything I was GOOD at, I also HATED. this is why i eventually Gave Up on everything.

oh thank GOD MW is doing his MIlleniyule Hangouts. they have richard spencer on there right now, he is talking quite a bit. he is a pretty big name. these hangouts have been getting some pretty big names. yesterday they had greg johnson and henrik palmgren. day before they had sargon of cukkad hahahaha. i guess we are not supposed to like him because hes dishonest. i am fine with not liking him hahaha. but he is HUGE on youtube. these “celebrity” level types basically do this for their CAREER, and woes is having them on for the very first time. basically meaning the Big Guys have been noticing Woes, AS THEY SHOULD. CANT CLOSE THE WOES. MW is awesome.

i wouldnt blame him if he wanted to take a break rather than doing 7 days in a row!




that you are a terrible person, who did something terrible, to force the person to dump you in such a terrible way.

it is very bad for the confidence of a secure normie. it is DEVASTATING for somebody who is not super secure/confident. you always want to blame yourself. WHAT DID I DO THAT WAS SO BAD? you think you HAD to. that nobody would dump a person like this if they didn’t deserve it.

ESPECIALLY if that person didn’t seem like the type to do something like that ever. and she didn’t seem like that. so yeah i blamed myself. i was too this or too that.

” Texting is easier than having a face to face conversation because you aren’t directly confronted with the other person’s emotions. Because of this, sending a text may seem like the easiest way of telling the former man of your dreams that your relationship has become a nightmare, but ending it with a text message tells him that what you once shared means so little to you now that he isn’t even worth a phone call.

there’s also one on AVOIDING as well.

this is coming from a super girly source too. even women think this is bad. theoretically.

medical experts at webmd advise Teens to break up in person, don’t do a text, you want to avoid “arguments and tears” so you’re tempted to avoid them, but dont do it! that is very disrespectful and even more hurtful! (i concur. i would have LIKED even a text!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!)

even shitlords at huffpo say DONT “become invisible.”

eh. its been about…..115 days since we “broke up” and about 85 days since i sent the last email.

maybe when she Like Likes a guy, she DOES have sex with him without even knowing him, within 1 month or less of meeting him, like all the other average damn whores hahahahahaha.

but yeah we actually had something special for a while. from about….. i dunno, how about summer 2013 to fall 2014. even though things were good at the very beginning, it takes TIME to really get to know and trust somebody; also near the end, she had just checked out and i didn’t want to believe it.

basically every expert or pseudo expert says dont text them, dont avoid them, try to be nice and not hurt their feelings, because why would you want to hurt someone? you wouldnt want to be hurt. put yourself in their shoes! empathize!

they start mentioning the research study

” University of Kansas psychologists Tara Collins and Omri Gillath conducted a series of studies to test out a 7-strategy relationship breakup measure and then, in turn, to examine which strategies worked more effectively than others”

” In general, if you were to pick the best relationship-ending strategy, it would be open confrontation, and if you wanted to pick the worst, it would be either avoidance/withdrawal or distant/mediated communication. ”

oh lord gillaths psych lab on intimate relationships, should been a phd student at kansas hahahaha

the actual paper mentioned, gillath collins 2012

decent article from the rel “Experts” at eharmony

“While breaking up can be awkward, if you keep your boyfriend or girlfriend around just because you dread the breakup conversation, then you’re just going to wind up becoming bitter toward this person for not taking the hint. She might fool herself [himself hahaha] for quite a while that the relationship is working because she’s blinded by love (or fear).”

good job guys.

so yeah i keep hoping she will see the light and come back to me and say im sooo sorry i was soooo wrong, but that is extremely unlikely, that never happens, she is probably enjoying life and getting fooked by exciting guys she just met. this is what women call ADVENTURE and EXCITEMENT and not being BORING. is code for they want to be a huge slut and ABUSE AND DEFILE the Natural Function of their Babymaker.

why cant i be a slut? because you can get pregnant, and pregnant is a big fookin deal, YOU IGNORANT SLUT!

women are so brainwashed/stupid they dont even realize that getting pregnant is a big deal.

i think this is a consequence of feminist marxist brainwashing and also wide availability of the pill and abortionz. if you took away abortionz, women would be a LOT more SCARED of getting pregnant, and they WOULD be less slutty.

yeah it sucks that we have to manipulate them through FEAR….but i don’t think anything else would WORK!

was i needy? yeah a little. i was texting more and inviting more. but i WAS trying to limit myself so as not to be NEEDY. and i dont think its NEEDY to want to TALK. however i should have just said WE NEED TO TALK. usually that means someone is gonna get broken up with. if i had said that, she prob would have dumped me right then and there. but at least it would be talked about, and would happen sooner rather than later.

but yeah i just have a type, i like women in their 20s with long legs and pale untanned pasty white skin. and nice Apple Bottoms on their long legs. long legs usually go along with long arms and long fingers. i just really dont like stumpy legs, arms, fingers. is that such a problem. BUT THATS SEXIST, YOU SHITLORD!!!! that is a form of RAEP towards non body normative wxmxn identified!!!

heres my jewish buddy dr omri gillath phd on youtube giving a lecture hahahaha he does not have a lot of vidyas

oh god a tedx talk on marriage 2.0 by a woman, certainly she must be advocating ((((((( POLYAMORY )))))))) hahahahaha.  take all the dicks! abort all the babeez! no im not sure what she says. i actually want to listen to this one.

so yeah. i still want her to Come Back; which still tempts me to contact her and beg her to come back. of course i know that is a terrible idea! but i wish i would stop WANTING this, just ERASE her from my mind altogether. damn.

if i made a new female friend who was even better than she was, i wouldnt be able to get feelings for her……because my feelings for THAT PERSON are not OVER yet. i have not gotten over her yet. and you cant have feelings for a new person, NO MATTER HOW AWESOME THEY ARE, until you have gotten over the previous person.

that was partially why i did not get feeligns for HER right away!

its just simply hard living life without her becuase she was so important to me. a big part of my life. and i told her, gave her big hints, specifically telling her in writing in december 2014 at the latest: “you are very important to me, i care about you a lot, we have been friends for a while now, and i only appreciate you more and more, i hope we can become even closer in the future, and spend more time together. you mean a lot to me and are one of my favorite people.”

i told her that in december 2014. in writing. in a ridiculous crimmus card. that i think she said made her cry. whoopee. anyway i laid it on pretty thick there, didnt come right out and say “I LIKE YOU” but i had never really said things like that to her before, so it was clear there was a change, that i was putting more into the rel. so i wish she had responded to these ideas at all. like if she said “I FEEL THE SAME WAY!!!!” that would be a very good sign.

she could have also said “does this mean you like like me? lets talk about this. it looks and feels like things are changing. lets hang out over crimmus away from stupid work and have a nice heart to heart talk” hahahahahaha

people get FIRED ALL THE TIME even when they are working their hardest, because they cant meet ridiculous demands from management. produce more and more and more with no training. oops, not good enough, youre fired. your best isnt good enough.


had a weird but not horrible dream, where i and some friends had won a vacation to what seemed to be a super luxurious hotel resort in vegas or something. not the type of thing i really care about, but it was interesting and not unpleasant. the main thing i remember is that bob dylan was just hanging out in like a kiosk in the middle of a stream of people, and he played a version of a newer song, not sure what, or if it was even a song, in bob dylan style, and nobody recognized it, but he looked right at me and winked and pointed at me, because he knew i knew what the song was. then i went around boasting that bob dylan had pointed at me.

weird because im not a huge bob dylan fan. OR a modern music fan. so if he played a cover of a modern song, i would prob not know it. plus people usually do covers of bob dylans songs, not the other way around. this made no sense. UNLESS bob dylan is a symbol of another Elder Statesman Iconic Singer Songwriter, which was the Big Event which was the last time i talked to That Person. now this person i like much more than bob dylan. and i remember a story where this person played a cover version of some retarded top 10 song last year.

now ive always liked this artist and always will, but unfort have to take a break from him because he reminds me too much of HER. and i am kinda mad at HER for ruining HIM for me. how ridiculous. my rel with HER essentially ended at a concert of a very iconic singer songwriter. not bob dylan tho hahahahahahaha. but a guy who came like 5 or 7 years after dylan.

hey if you want to get out of this rel, TELL ME. i obviously DONT want to get out of the rel, thats why I keep trying to make it work.

women dump you because they get in an argument with you and it never occurs to them that you can work it out by talking about it, trying to compromise. theyd rather throw you away and pick someone else. its PAINFUL to be DISPOSED OF and REPLACED like that. you might not be super awesome like drake or whatever, but you know you’re not THAT shitty!

no i hate drake hes a huge n199er f4990t hahahahaha.

heh i looked up the place my male friend from the job worked at before, and he said it sucked and the current place was better, which i found hard to believe, but sure enough there was like 15 google reviews saying “THIS IS THE WORST PLACE EVER, TERRIBLE SERVICE, THEY ARE INCOMPETENT, GIVE US LAME EXCUSES, DONT DO THEIR JOB, NEVER RETURN CALLS OF EMAILS. WORST COMPANY EVER.” i noticed they were hiring for a job that looked like his old job hahahahahaha. what do you do when your company doesnt want to be held accountable? he said he was pretty much told to like or make up stories for the callers and he didnt like that and i dont blame him!

its amazing that businesses can be run like this and dont go out of business QUICKLY. maybe its a front for black market money laundering hahahahaha. that would be one logical explanation. cuz they sure dont seem to be providing value for their customers.

angry customers, who are RIGHTFULLY angry, and you just blow them off, pass the buck, dodge all accountability, becuase everyone from top to bottom is incompetent, and no one is accountable. just put the lowest people in impossible position, fire them, force them to quit, hire another lost soul like me hahahahaha.

google how to lie to a customer hahahahahaha

customers lie; customer service people lie; everybody lies;

” i lie to customers all day every day, because that is what the job requires me to do” yikes


did a 5 miler

yeah i was def OVERBEARING and too INTENSE and too much to HANDLE and too NEEDY to her, so it makes sense that she was overwhlemed and didnt know how to handle me, didnt want to handle me, just wanted to avoid the situation and hope it went away in time.

why was i so intense and needy to her?

because i was in LUV with her!

why was i in luv with her?

because i knew and trusted her and had a foundation with her and she was very special and important to me. i valued her.

why did i know and trust and value her?

because we had been friends for a long time.

why had we been friends for long time?

because we got along well and very naturally.

why did we get along well?

becuase we were on the same page and had a lot of similarities.

why were we on the same page?

i dunno, because we had similar values and similar personalities. now it starts getting circular.

so basically the root cause is, we were SIMILAR. we had a lot in COMMON. we could relate to each other very easily.

and then that stopped.

well i dont think we STOPPED having a lot in common! we still had a lot in COMMON, she just didnt want me to be in love with her. fine thats fair.

and yeah i didnt need to luv her SO MUCH…..but i have always been desperate to luv a woman, to get a gf, etc.

but yeah i dont think she MEANT to THROW ME AWAY, she jsut wanted to AVOID me because she didnt know how to DEAL with my intensity. but it still FELT like getting thrown away! and that hurts intensely!!!!!!

i could have reduced the intensity by just _________________ . you guessed it, BLURTING IT OUT MONTHS EARLIER. ABOUT 5 MONTHS EARLIER EVEN. 150 days.

but yeah i read stuff i wrote before the big change, and i wish i could go back to those simple peaceful days. i truly did not have deeper feelings, it was totally not killing me, i thought about her sometimes but not a lot, i wanted to Bang other women. then i started wondering well why NOT, why am i NOT attracted to her? then she became single and started dating a new guy, and then i had damn feelings and everything changed and now i CANT STOP thinking about her. before i fell in luv i NEVER thought about her this much.

i wonder if she will find a good man and get married to him, of course she certainly COULD, ALL women CAN before they get too damn OLD. or will she do what her mother did and have dramatic, not very long relationships with The Wrong Type Of Men. Deadbeat Badboiz. well, she (That Person) had a long rel with kinda a badboi. where she luved him more than he luved her. but he never cheated i dont think. he was just distant and not very luving.

like why do not companies fix the equipment their workers need to get the job done? like have not enough forklifts, or broken down forklifts, in the LTL less than truckload distribution centers where pallets need to be moved in and out of truck trailers. they do not want to spend the money to fix a lightbulb let alone a TRUCK that is FALLING APART. because it COSTS MONEY to FIX YOUR EQUIPMENT. holy shit. its stuff like this that makes me furious.

i have no idea how companies like this can stay in business, how their customers dont leave them for the competition. cuz this company treats their employees like shit too of course.

today i thought of another woman i used to work with and how she was attractive, in her 20s, and i wouldnt mind banging her. then i thought, wow, just a young womans naked bod pressed up against me would be good, BUT it could also trick muh oxytocin into firing up and getting feelings. i blame the oxytocin. how can you kill your oxytocin.


so, have S with a lot of women then.

however that is hard to do for a man! only a few top alpha men like roosh v are actually TIRED of banging TOO MANY cute young gurls!

roosh has got it all out of his system and he is FINALLY focusing on more important things, like The Future Of The West. He only had to bang 9000000000000000 cute young girls to get there!

i only had to bang 1 hahahaha. and get muh heart totally REKT a number of times.

ive never worked a proper POS cash register, just the shittiest cash register. i never had to count muh own cash register, i never even had a computerized POS that had credit and debit cards, shit. so now i am using google to train myself SELF TRAIN on how to do a pos.

MW, MGTOW video i seem to have overlooked

Todd Magnusson 1 year ago (edited)
I don’t think MGTOW is extremely bad, but not an end all-be all for “red pill” men.

I got to give it to Rollo in his book The Rational Male, 12 years of research and he nails it down pretty well— The problem is primarily male and social imprinted. We let ourselves believe women are romantic as men. Men saying to a girl “you are so romantic,” said no man ever. The belief that women share the level of idealization of their partner that men do is far from reality. I know this first hand because the first girl I ever loved to my core, was the one I loved more than myself, and even a decade later still love deep down, but the truth is its a delusional pursuit. Loving a girl more then yourself is like putting the cart before the horse. Girls and women want to be lead, want things to be asserted, not do lead and be asserting.

Men must hold themselves higher, never get too comfortable, never sell their dignity down the river, never give all their heart to a woman. Their always has to be plates spinning, and I think some men just don’t feel the effort is worth it, and frankly I don’t blame them, most women aren’t worth it. No man enjoys always “keeping frame.” That is why there is MGTOW.  ”

yeah buddy



shit. for your working life, prepare to be ABUSED, CONFUSED, and OVERWHELMED 10 hours a day.

(this is if youre lucky enough to GET a job. half of people will not. and half of those people are working jobs you cant survive off of. therefore, only 25% of all amerkans are gainfully employed. and used, abused, confused, and overwhelmed is the prices they pay for that.)

abused because both your customers and coworkers will treat you like an idiot shit. confused because you wont know what youre doing and you will feel like an idiot, thrown to the wolves. overwhelmed because you will get this all day every day with no respite, constantly being jerked around and slammed like a damn bumpy fast roller coaster. and the only “downtime” you get is when your shift is over. at that point you should stick around for at LEAST an hour to show the management that you are a team player and that you are trying to get better at your job, learn, and train yourself. presenting your Batches of questions to senior employees. yes sir. i understand sir. i was wrong sir. wont happen again sir. so sorry sir. youre right sir, i was wrong sir. understood sir. yes sir. wont happen again sir. i agree sir, yes it is unacceptable sir. will never happen again sir. lesson learned sir.

after you have put in your studying and unpaid training at the office, and this is ESPECIALLY beneficial if you are HOURLY, therefore its more obvious you arent getting paid, unlike salary who are just EXPECTED to work 80-100 hours a week and everybody is afraid to go home because everybody wants to be the last one out of the office.

anyway how do you WITHSTAND abused, confused, and Slammed all day erry day? wouldnt that cause you to snap or panic or fluster or anxiety or stress?

of COURSE it does! you just have to FIGHT it and not let it get the best of you, like it got the best of me!

i am and have always been a huge WORRIER. ever since i was a small child. i think the WORRYING led to muh anxiety, as worrying is a kind of anxiety, or proto Ur-Anxiety, and then too much of that and it Transitioned into full blown Despair.

last night i was thinking about my “old” job and reading all those pages about people who were confused, abused, and overwhlemed because they too did not know how to do their jobs, and it became clear that this was perfectly normal, this is the way Real Jobs normally are in the real world, and everybody is on the verge of a nervous breakdown.

it really attacks your sense of humor, and also your Sex Drive. you dont even WANT to Masterb8 hahahaha. you just want to Stop Worrying Already and get some damn sleep.

so anyway after you have survived another day at work, miraculously, stay around at least an hour and make sure the managers see you. this is also a tall order because they probably will only notice you when you are trying to avoid them, and never notice you when you WANT to be noticed.

now its time to go to the Gym and exercise for HOURS until your body is just as exhausted as your mind.

i would also recommend blazing MJ right before going into the gym. MJ destroys your motivation and makes you a lazy loser bum, but I think if you have an Abusive COnfusing Overwhleming job, and most normalfags DO, MJ is useful for clearing your mind of all the worries of the day and enabling you to get some sleep so you can WITHSTAND and SURVIVE another horrible day tomorrow. it is a tool for survival, not just recreation.

then if youre like me, the only exercise you can do is walking, and i would say you need to do at least 3 to 4 hours of that to really get the day out of your system. you can think about your job while you exercise and try to figure out and understand the big picture and how to do stuff better day by day.

of course now you have no time to spend with your family. get used to it hahahahaha. surviving your job by any means necessary IS your new family hahahaha. no family for you.

and a qtpi gurlfran? yep that would be nice wouldnt it? but youre 30 years old and you havent been able to make it happen yet, and youre not getting any younger, more successfull, more charismatic, more influential, more alpha!

i was thinking about how i felt hurt when i discovered muh female “friend” had an instagram account and she never told me about it. i only found it after she unfriended me on facebook. i searched her facebook username on google and then discovered an instagram account with the same username. it was private so i couldnt see anything. i wonder how many pictures of herself she posted. she never SEEMED narcissistic. much less so than average. i didnt think she would even HAVE an instagram. either way she never told me about it. NOT AT ALL SURPRISING considering we were on the OUTS for MONTHS, she was packing her stuff and moving out bit by bit (proverbially), just DISTANCING herself.

but yeah its just PAINFUL as FOOK when somebody you like DISTANCES themself from you. they were once nice to you and interested in you and invited you places and wanted to hang out with you.

NOW though, they are mean to you, no longer interested in you, no longer invite you places, no longer want to hang out with you.

how could you be so boring, or so weird, or so uncool, or so SOMETHING, who knows what, to make them stop liking you?

but really its THEIR problem not yours.

but shit yeah its painful as fook for you, the victim of that bullshit.

so she did like me as a friend. she only started becoming distant as i started giving her SIGNALS: more texting, more lovey dovey mushy fuzzy shit, more wanting to hang out. she probably KNEW and just didnt want to deal with it because it was overwhelming. ok fine. but she thought oh god this is a nightmare coming true, i really dont want him to like me, this is horrible, i wish it would all just go away. hence why it was so easy for her to ignore me. she literally WANTED me to DISAPPEAR. and i did!

shit yeah it was a shitty way to handle it! if I had a friend who dev feels for ME and i didnt have them for them, i would say, yes this is awkward, but what i’m REALLY concerned with is breaking their heart, so i’m gonna make a concerted effort to NOT HURT THEM, because i care about them as a person.

i guess i was upset because i would have not handled the situation like she did AT ALL, and because i thought we had similar values, she would handle the situation similarly as i would: try not to hurt me, try to let me down easy, say we had a good friendship and ill miss that but i cant be who you want me to be for that next step.

i would have been a bit flattered, like AWWWWW thats sweet of you. mixed in with the awkwardness.

i might try to ignore things for a while but if they didnt go away and just persisted, i would say ok lets talk about this.

also i would have hung out with them WAY early in the process, give them the chance to talk to me if they wanted to, rather than blow them off all the fookin time.

so yeah she really shit the bed there. screwed the pooch. dicked the dog.

i wonder if they train you better in Shitty Retail Jobs. i heard a Horror Story where they made a girl work the register for 9 hours…. BUT NEVER TRAINED HER HOW TO USE THE REGISTER. like how to take payments, do returns, refunds, credit cards, checks, cash. just put them in front of the register and said here figure this out, and a 8 hour line of customers.

its not SUPER complicated, but there are at least 3 different things you can do and if you dont know which buttons to push….


its kinda like its easy to sing mary had a little lamb, but not if you have never heard the english language before and have never seen those words before.

she would get flustered, have the manager come over, the manager would get annoyed, push buttons quickly without explaining, and the poor girl probably got fired a few days later for “not being a good fit” or “not learning quickly enough.”


at least my place had some stuff written down. we had a knowledge base. we had a way of Searching Tickets.

some places dont HAVE a knowledge base. some places dont even LET YOU SEARCH TICKETS!

that boggled my mind. i wonder if there were a way to search tickets, but they just hadnt show the person. disgraceful, but beleiveable. horrifying, but much less horrifying than the idea of simply not being able to search tickets by keyword. i guess its possible. i mean if training your employees costs too much, then including a search function in your ticketing software probably costs too much to.

(but i used to run searches in our ticketing system ALL THE TIME, i HAD to, i cant imagine doing the job without it. searching my past cases, searching other peoples cases, searching recent cases on this issue, searching recent cases from 12345 location, etc.)

how come YOURE the only one that WRITES SHIT DOWN? hasnt anyone else ever written anything down so OTHER PEOPLE CAN USE IT????????? either for training or just for doing their damn JOB???!?!?!?!?!?!

think fast, talk smart: stanford skool of bidnazz.

see its all about BULLSHITTING.

ever try to get service anywhere and the person seemed like an idiot? didn’t know what they were doing?


smile at them and say thank you, i would love to talk to your manager and tell them what a good job you did.

theres probably some stupid policy where the manager is trying to HIDE behind untrained underlings, but if you manage to speak to manager, say, this underling is amazing for dealing so well with such a shitty company who makes their employees run around in a confused abused fluster all day erryday

youtube how to deal with confusion

youtube no job training

youtube how to deal with confusion at work

its the CONFUSION that leads to stress.

welp it was GOOD that i thought about the big picture, but the big picture was so DAMN OVERWHELMING and CONFUSING that it led to MORE confusion. you need to look at the problem, give a quick and dirty analysis, come up with two or three options, quickly choose one, and if it turns out to suck, take your beating and move on.

paralysis by analysis hahahahaha.

being confused is stressful. i’d say its probably better to make a decision thats WRONG rather than sit there being confused.

customer service meltdown with terrible caller. i listened to this 3 or 4 times while on my powerwalk the other day. i never ever had a caller close to this bad but the poor agent handled it very well. if you can prepare for the worst call ever, uhhhh thats a good way to be. but i guarantee you will cringe. very cringeworthy here. i cant even laugh it off because it hits too close to home. even though i never had a caller this angry. you just worry that one day you will. also the tradeoff is that for less angry callers, we just had super confusing problems and would struggle and struggle and struggle with them and tier 2 was very reluctant to escalate shit up. if it was Super Weird yes they would escalate before 20 minutes. but if it didnt seem SUPER weird to them, just a little weird, they’d let you STRUGGLE for an HOUR which would screw up your average handle time, which is supposed to be 20 minutes.

youtube bad tech support calls

oh god now im gonna listen to some more

this feeling of being confused at your job is just horrible. and it sticks with you. the knot of dread in your gut. i used to get worried and anxious when i was in School, but it was NEVER as bad as when i had a stressful job.

and different jobs were different. i got this Bad Feel Of Dread Anxiety on my most recent job, yet i NEVERRRRRRRRRRR felt like that in my previous job. although the difference is, the stressful job was a Real Bigboy Job you could live off of. the stressless one wasnt.

this implies that in order to survive real life, you have to survive a horribly stressful job. is this a cognitive distortion? or is it legit whats being implied by what ive experienced?

did a 5 miler, beautiful day on 111

and i am mad shes handling the job and i could not, and shes gonna go on to a better job, and im gonna go on to a worse job, and shes 8 years younger than me, and her life is gonna get better and mine is gonna get worse, and she knows what its like to be in a longterm monog rel, and i dont, and once we were good friends, and in the end we became complete strangers.

so she didnt have feelings for me. that doesnt mean it was ok for her to throw me away like garbage.

she was a better person than that, she was better to me than that, she knew better, i deserved better from her.

guilt is GREAT. if you feel guilty, it means youre not a sociopath. you know who doesnt feel guilt or shame? sociopaths.

so its kinda good that i felt so much guilt when it ended. like i was all to blame. i hope you can forgive me someday, i begged.

but really she was more to blame than i was, she treated me worse than i treated her. she treated me BAD. i should never tolerate that shit. but i am too desperate for luv.

warning signs? red flags? EVERYBODY’s got red flags. EVERYTHING IS a red flag if you look at it the right way. i always assume guilty till proven innocent with women. i assume all women are evil destroyers, i treat them like dangerous savage animals, i do not fooking TRUST them until they have proven themselves worth of being let into my circle of trust. the idea of me being FRIENDS with a woman is downright RIDICULOUS. its HARDER to be friends with a woman than to bang them, becuase they give up the banging so easy to badboys, and because they are so shitty and make terrible friends.


so i was super thankful and blessed to have a true female FRIEND, a damn dirty woman i trusted and respected. how was it so egregious and outrageous that i develop feelings for them then? it seems only NATURAL!!!! well, if you becoming friends with a young nonugly woman that is. im not falling in love with my male friends.

if i had a GOOD female friend fall in love with me, i would have several long talks with them and write several long emails to them! its the least i could do!

how could she not feel guilt for what she did? is she a SOCIOPATH????? show youre not a sociopath by saying youre sorry!

men develop confidence through achieving and success. therefore men who fail all the time are not confident at all. if you fail with women and jobs, you will not be very confident with women and jobs, and you NEED to be confident with women or jobs. or else you will lose them, or never get them. worry or anxiety is the opposite of confidence, it will eat away your confidence and cause you to lose jobs and women.

i guess i am afraid of failure. failing with jobs, failing with women. but i’ve had TONS of failure. you think id be used to it by now.

i was just thinking today, women dont NEED to get all slutted up and wear high heels and makeup and slutclothes to show off their bodies. if anything, MEN should be doing this sort of PREENING because they are the ones competing for the favor of the women. women could still choose men even if the women dressed like SLOBS or RODEO CLOWNS.


so why do they? because they LIKE looking like sluts hahahaha.

so what can we learn from this?

that it really is helpful for men to learn how to dress, and not dress like slobs. maybe even wear shoes with big bottoms to make you feel 1 inch taller, if you are a shortfag manlet like moi hahahaha.

shit you always have to “fake it till you make it………..or break it” with women AND jobs, and then you never make it. you always break it. and with her i didnt have to fake shit. i was just my short boring loser self and she appreciated me for who i was, and i appreciated her for who SHE was. and we became friends.

then when she became Available, I started to have new feelings towards her, which really wasnt super duper surprising or the end of the world, but she sure thought it was!!!!! i tried to get her to hang out so we could talk about this BEFORE it became a clusterfook, but she never agreed to hang out, and so we never talked, and it did become a clusterfook, and i Lost It All.

this is a song called Losing All.mp3 hahahahaha

exactly 0 people will get that reference.

as i pushed gently for a Hangout Please, i also sent new signals, and she may have picked up on them, because she defeinitely became more distant. more and more distant until one day the thin ice snapped and our connection was broken forever. worst end to a beautiful friendship ever. and the bitterness that i feel screwed and wronged and treated like garbage by someone who just wasnt like that, but they saved their worse for me. she literally had never treated anyone like that before unless they had cheated on her or abused her. i didnt fooking abuse her. fook.

i was pushy and beta, that was my only crime. unfortunately women think this is The Worst Abuse Ever. they will Run Back to an Abuser and Cheat On You With Abusers and never be able to stop loving abusers and cheaters, but they will stop loving a PUSHY NEEDY BETA FAGGOT SISSY in an INSTANT and throw him away like GARBAGE. to a woman, this is WORSE THAN ABUSE.


543 and it is getting dark re end of daylight savings time. spring ahead, fall back hahahaha.

women never forget men who abuse them. they LOVE and are LOYAL TO men who abuse them. men who are beta sensitive faggots like us hahahaha, they can forget in an instant and have only contempt for. and give no loyalty to.

women wanting Secs, its like an all you can eat buffet which costs $1 to get into. but then after you turn 30, you get charged 9000 dollars for every c0ck you took.

men wanting secs, there is no buffet, you pay 9000$ for a rancid table scrap thats been sitting on the floor. you pay 9999999999999999999$ for a slice of Little Caesers Hot N Ready.  unless you are a Top 20% or better yet 10% man, then you get to be part of that Womens Buffet mentioned above. get to bang the sluts all your alpha peers are banging. i guess thats easy enough to ignore if the women are young and purty. yeah i didnt care when i got “LUCKY” with some young purty girls, that they were also flaky sluts totally Riding The Carousel, Sampling The Boner Buffet.

HA! it would be a miracle if i ever trusted a woman ever again after this! i start off distrusting women, and with good reason! after a long time i determined she was a good person and could be trusted! and then she totally TURNED on me!

was i wrong? how could i be so wrong?

well i think she was better than average women……..BUT and of course that means ignore everything before the but…..she hates betas even MORE than the average woman. ive always been rejected for being too beta, but in all instances the women were nicer about it. even if i never really knew or trusted them!!!!!

whats worse? retail or call center? call center is probably worse, but it pays a lot better.

i guess in both places you could find someone who can get you MJ.

i am just worried that because i quit one shitty job, i will only be able to get jobs that are even shittier!

being at a new job for the first 6 months as you are used, abused, confused, and overwhelmed will certainly eat away at your confidence. you better have a lot of confidence going in then!!! hahahaha good thing i do hahahahaha. and then if you have a gurl she will leave you during that time because your confidence will wane. its not her job to give you moral support during your struggles and to help you remain confident. you have to do that all yourself. women aren’t going to support you during hard times, but just to leech off when you are High On The Hog, they look to Prostitute a Handout. a meal ticket, fun, adventure, excitement, then as soon as the honeymoon period ends and times get tough, THEY SELL YOU OUT. SELL YOU DOWN THE RIVER. that is how i feel. not super duper betrayed……but KINDA betrayed. like way to totally sell me out as soon as things started getting a little difficult. whatever happened to stick toitiveness. i feel left in the lurch, left hanging, left high and dry, sold out, left holding the bag. fook that shit.

really my job was AT LEAST twice as stressful as my previous job, therefore i should have been getting paid AT LEAST twice as much. i was not hahahahaha.

in hindsight, i should have taken valium on the job.  and then MJ after the job. i am really torn on that MJ, that it is a shameful drug that turns you into a shameful loser; but it was really one of my saving graces during The Final Months of the job. it gave me some sort of relief and fun to look forward to at the end of the day. have a long hard stressful day, go home and smoke a huge Spl1ff, get real blazed, leisurely read some work stuff while listening to some jazz radio if i felt like it, or do some writing if i didnt, and then when you go to bed you get that “gentle comedown” feeling after getting blazed, where your mind feels calm and peaceful, and then you get decent sleep. in other words i think MJ can be great medicine for people who Sleep Poorly because of Worry and Anxiety. and that is me!

now it doesnt interfere with my sleep ALL the time.

but damn. my life really became worse once i started that damn job. now i think of the job and get nervous, even though i am not going back to it. JUST THE THOUGHT.


youtube how to deal with stress at work

this guy is great. he really gave me hope. he really drove home that point that its your thoughts and beliefs regarding your job that are causing the stress, its not actually the job itself. its when you are CONFUSED or when you are waiting for the phoen to ring or when you have an upset caller or when you dont know what you are doing, then you get stressed.

or when you care too much. i cared too much.

i looked at some of the stuff i did in my first and second month and i did pretty damn well. this was just in my first 2.5 months. i wish i had smuggled stuff out from later, when i actually had SOME confidence about muh job, and had not gone completely crazy from the woman.

i think the callers were appreciative of the fact that this was all confusing as fook, so they didnt get too mad. they were confused, i was confused, even more confused than they were, because i had no idea what this shit was!

i had pretty good case notes and Workflow even then. the only way i could have really improved was to study cases at home, reading knowledge base articles as well, and especially studying cases i had gotten escalated.

monogamy. i really like the idea of monogamy. it appeals to me. and  i like women who are also fans of monogamy. it appeared she was. i was like oh goody i hope we can be mongamous together. but who knows if she would want to be monogamous with ME.

like if i were dating somebody below my standards and i wanted to Trade Up, wouldn’t i want to be Poly amorous with them?

NO, because i wouldnt be dating them in the first place!!!!!! or i would just have a desperate one night stand with them, to get all the DESPERATION out of my system! like yep i havent had secs in 10 years, so i need to fook anything that moves. and you are hideous and that secs was horrible, and now i will be happy to wait 10 years again, good lord, why was i so desparete for that, yuck.

anyway some people are into polyamory, good for them, you can see a bunch of bullshit tedx talks on youtube on it, academic middle class leftist degenerates, women with 5 husbands. my kids dont have one father, they have 5 fathers. and bullshit like that. they REALLY believe this bullshit. its no use trying to persuade them. just keep your kids and wife away from them! and talk to your wife and kids about Monogamy. make especially sure your wife can convince herself that she is totally pro monogamy with you.

and i know decent nondegenerate people who might be Poly or have an Open Rel. its kinda shocking but it means i cant say all Polys are Degenerate and Evil. but i damn sure CAN say, i dont want MY wife or gurlfran to be Poly.


if i had real feelings towards someone, i could never be poly with them. for me, feeligns ARE mono.

i would only do poly if i were having casual secs and didnt want to commit to the person becuase i didnt particularly like, respect, or trust them. which is understandable given the MERCENARY nature of Most Women.

i thought she was less of a MERCENARY. but she treated me like a damn mercenary. she just shot me in the head EXECTION STYLE and walked away. I feel like the vietnamese guy in that famous photo where he is shot execution style by the evil White soldier hahahaha.

[EDIT apri 16: ok the executer is not white but another vietnamese. i cant remember which one is the communiss and which is the good charlie hahaha.

pepe summarily executing wojack in grim parody of vietnam execution photo.png

that is what she did to me hahaahahahaha ]

she just came up, popped a cap in the back of my head, and i fell into a mass grave where her other victims will fall on top of me. like dead crabs in a dead bucket hahahaha.

all about the metaphors and imagery with me hahahaha.

i loaned this tar skinned, big lipped kenyan 50 cents 90 days ago and he has not paid any of it back hahahaha. i was trying to make money off bitcoin microloans, short term loans with risky debtors. this guy was risky as fook apparently. every sunday i get several arbitration emails saying some third world deadbeat refused to pay me the 25 cents or 50 cents i loaned them hahahahahaha.

did you see all the Racism and White Privilege and Punching Down and Oppressive Language and TOnedeafness and Hate in that paragraph?

but he’s got symmetrical features and is 22 years old and im sure my female ex friend would make babies with him within 30 seconds of meeting him. see that handsome black buck and immediately get a gurl boner. mayeb i could Prep him for her hahahaha.

well he has a young kenyan gurlfran according to his facebook profile and banner picture and i will not log into facebook to reactiveate my account hahaha.

well i race mixed when i was young too. but not with blacks hahahaha. its honestly better to race mix with jews than it is with blacks. also women get to choose their mates. choose a white man if youre a white woman. honestly.

but 99% of white women have ‘DATED” ie FOOKED nonwhite men (black or brown) and okcupid says youre RACIST if you dont. and women are scared about being RACIST, if the Mainstream Cool People say its Uncool to be Racist. so we need to make being Racist be COOL again. and I think we might be making some progress with stuff like the right Stuff dot biz. great site. site of the year 2015. ITS HAPPENING.  plus they have great podcasts, which is huge. and they are very tuned into 4chan or 8chan or chans in general. PERFECT. I have been Touting Chans as the Cutting Edge of Political Movements since…..2012 hahahaha.

so now a 20 year old racist white man in 2015 can get a pretty young qt. but when i was 20 over 10 years ago, there was not a White Racist movement for intelligent white men, just neo nazi neckbeard virgins like there have always been, and which i supposed i have become hahahahaha.

i have not had secs or pseudodated a gurl in TEN YEARS!!!!!!!

i had a strong make out with a gurl like 9.7 years ago. it was amusing and confidence building but i didnt want to take it any further. she was not my type and i only did it because i was RAAAAGING drunk and should have NEVER been driving a car. I paid muh dues for that though hahaahaha. not that day though.