WOMEN HAVE NO MORAL COMPASS AND ARE WIRED TO HATE OMEGA MEN

wed aug 9

so people used to drink like 1% alcohol beer because it was cleaner than water, the alcohol killed all the germs and viruses and bacteria and shit in the water, so it was actually safer to drink beer than water. and you stayed hydrated by drinking weak beer instead of water.

could you dump dirty water into beer and then the smallest amount of alcohol would kill all germs? i dont think it worked that way. like, you couldnt ADD shit. you could MAKE really watery beer and then THAT water would be ok.

whenever i read shit on /relships, im like, why are you even asking? just dump them. just dump them.

then i realize its because they actually CARE, they dont WANT to dump them, they want to save this relship, they are WILLING to MAKE AN EFFORT, they dont WANT to LOSE this person.

and it is painful when a person just wants to be DONE with you. they want to be done with you SO MUCH that they are ok with never talking to you or seeing you ever again. you might as well have DIED.

at least send your mom, or your BFF, or your new BF, or a Social Work Student, to be a messenger of the bad news and to say SORRY, I KNOW THIS SUCKS FOR YOU. or you can just send an email or text yourself which says that. sorry, i know this sucks for you, i dont mean to cause you this pain, but i cant do this anymore, i have to back out, sorry, the end.

how hard is it to send a TEXT saying THAT? it takes LESS THAN ONE MINUTE. to throw away a person without even taking LESS THAN ONE MINUTE to say something to them is just ridiculous hahaha. i would NEVER do it to anyone.

now i am on the outs with people but its completely different situation. like for an incorrigible addict who has been given countless chances by everyone in their life. that’s not what was happening with me and that woman. i felt i wasnt even being given ONE chance to Air The Grievances. Festivus hahahaahahaha.

i AGREE that at some point you can talk about it TOO MUCH and talking about it any more wont do you any good, you just need to END it.

i’m not sure when that point is. probably when one person is sick of TALKING about it and the other person is obviously not listening AT ALL. I think this is probably more than three times. use the old three strikes rule of thumb.

so yeah i dont feel i got three strikes. never even TALKED about it ONCE. SO THERE.

eyebrows. never understood the manicuring of eyebrows on women. i have about average eyebrows and i would be perfectly happy with a woman who had the exact same eyebrows as me. well i have one eyebrow hair that grows extremely long. not sure how that happened but i just trim that one single hair like every 3 months and that is good enough. basically i prefer a natural look to an artificial look, and everything women do to make themselves up looks so artificial to me! women of a certain age are NATURALLY beautiful! why do they want to fook it up by making it look ARTIFICIAL?

for a similar reason I don’t like makeup, lipstick, eye shadow, eyelash mascara, any of that shit. no thank you. YOU LOOK LIKE A HOOKER.

maybe the TINIEST bit of makeup to show that she is making an effort for you, her man, not to seduce a room full of rich men. of course she doesnt need to make an effort in the looks department, but showing the WILLINGNESS to DO SOMETHING for you shows loyalty and luv and good faith. the more you know. rather than someone who ignores you, avoids you, and takes you for granted. doesnt really luv you. wants to be done with you but is too craven to tell you in ANY way.

hire a damn Process Server hahahahahaha.  YOU GOT SERVED.

no i didnt hahahahaha. i would have preferred getting SERVED.

aaaaannnnnd bitcoin continues to go up. OH WELL. I DONT HAVE ANY MORE TO SELL.

I resent women because (and this is certainly not the ONLY reason) is because I would be SUCH a GOOD woman. I could be a better woman than most women. Men know what Men want. Men know how to be a better woman. Women have no idea what women want, or how to be a better man, so their opinions are stupid and worthless. men’s opinions are wise, meaningful, correct, and important. Men speak the truth, women speak bullshit.

but this is the way its ALWAYS been! dont hate a cat for being a cat! dont hate a dog for being a dog!

yeah but dogs and cats arent supposed to mate together!

but im just saying its always been CONCEALED and COVERT with women, they NEVER knew what REALLY goes on inside their body or minds, so why expect them to be “honest” about it? they can’t possibly BE honest!

i guess I just value HONESTY that much. and men DO.

i guess i’m just mad that men value honesty so much and women are naturally dishonest, incapable of honesty. if i didnt care about honesty so much, i wouldnt care about women being deceptive.

heh. well, what do women hate about men? they hate weak, needy, clingy men. and there are plenty of weak, clingy, needy men out there. i’ve been one myself.

i dunno. i just feel being weak, clingy, and needy is not as morally wrong as being DISHONEST. a cheater, scammer, liar, abandoner.

because im using mens morality not womens morality hahahahaha. for a MAN, YES it is pretty bad to be weak. or dishonest. for a WOMAN, for a MAN to be weak is the worst thing ever, and for a woman to be dishonest doesnt really matter. women get to get away with being CHILDREN.

i guess i also resent that too: men have to be RESPONSIBLE, women DONT. COME ON.

if i have to be responsible, i want muh women to be responsible too.

i struggle bigly with being responsible, but i know being responsible is the right thing to do.

whitesville west virgina, think i will move there hahahahahaha.

there were yellow flags and red flags with that woman, for example some silly stuff she believed…..but EVERY woman believes some silly stuff and has some yellow flags in that way. just be grateful she hasnt been with 60000 guys red flag. besides you can probably mold her towards less silly beliefs and make her a white warrioress bearing you many little white warriors. what could be better. and then when that woman leaves you like a ghost, you are devastated for at LEAST 2 years. it all makes sense.

hey. i KNOW i was important to her for a WHILE. like she genuinely liked me as a person, liked seeing me, liked spending time with me, i could TELL she wasnt FAKING it. so i guess i just wanted her to SHOW ANY of that at the end. like i’m sorry, i know this HURTS, sorry, i dont mean to throw you away like a piece of garbage because thats NOW how I think of you. you really DID mean something important to me, i just couldnt Do Those Feelings.

that’s all i was looking for hahaha. dont be SO goddamn destructive. try to apply a little soothing balm as you rain down fire and napalm and nukes. make any effort to at least do that.

dont let a woman name your children, they end up picking a STUPIDASS name like brooklyn or something. no. brooklyn is the name of a city, not a person. be a man and name your child something traditional and good like michael or mary or anne or elizabeth or john or james or richard or donald or adolf hahahahahaha. it’s not complicated. it’s not difficult.

how can you give birth to children but not know how to name them hahahaha. how can you give birth to children but also murder them and be horrible at raising them? why can’t men just get pregnant. they would probably do it better than women. we dont need women at all. women are a net loss hahahaha. just use women as brood mares, locked away from productive male society.  they grow children, give birth, and absolultely nothing else.

so what do you do with girls. you cant ABORT them because ABORTION IS MURDER.

yeah but women just arent WORTH as much as men hahahaha. they are LITERALLY inferior. their lives don’t MATTER as much hahahahahahaha.

no i am jk of course. but you see the slippery slope.

but really i mean come on. these women. they gotta start adding value. not just coasting on this being the bearers of children bullshit hahahahaha. actually be a worthwhile PERSON hahahaha.

JEALOUSY IS NATURAL AND NORMAL. Women will never understand this. they think jealousy is always bad and means they should dump you and that youre abusive and a horrible person and you should work to get rid of all jealous.

NO. JEALOUSY is a GOOD thing, because it WARNS you of BAD things: that the mother of your children is CHEATING on you.

Now, some people might be Overly Paranoid, and that’s not good, but if your GF is spending lots of time with her Male Friends, then YES you SHOULD get jealous! instead the women bitch about their jealous bf and then end up dumping him and getting with their male friends. because their ex bf had no good reason to be jealous then hahahahahaha.

i want terribly to sm0ke mj, but i dont want to be around st0ners, hang out with these degen idiots. i just want a big bag of mj all to myself, so that i can get blazed alone, in peace. no people around. that woman would have been the exception. i liked being around her, she didnt like being around me at the end. i was desperate to hang out with her and sm0ke mj with her, had a FANTASY of hanging out with her, smoking mj, cuddling, making out, her being nice and sweet to me, etc.

but i am also happy just sm0king weed by myself, other people make me nervous. just be by myself and listen to music or maybe exercise or something.

meh i dont care if emily youcis is a huge race traitor wh0re, she has done enough and put herself far enough out there that it pretty much cancels any past degeneracy. she has made real sacrifices and done real penance. she wouldnt do what she’s doing now if she wanted to go back to fooking blacks. she has woken up and changed. god for her.

i have no proof that she was fooking LOTS of blacks, but i assume that as an artsy, punk, drinking, MJ smoking, urban young gurl, singing in a punk band dressed like a hooker, foul mouth, yeah i mean i’m not NAIVE hahahahahaha.  she CLEARLY has a PAST.

but thru Becoming Who You Are, you can be Redeemed from any sin! its really kinda like accepting Christ as your personal saviour! but probably even better! with a lower Recidivism rate is what I’m saying. meaning lots of sluts will turn to Jeebus but still be gold digging, treacherous sluts at heart. maybe eventually destroy their beta cuck husband. but when a woman goes 1488 like this…..it would be really hard for her to turn back after that. i mean i guess sinead could, but she has no credibility anyway. a newcomer like emily youcis has more credibility that sinead, who has done nothing but attack good people. its very disappointing. she could have done a lot of good.

richard spencer is trying to hire one person for 12.5k a year hahahahaha. that’s about as much as Im making right now. and he wants this guy andrew joyce who probably is a good writer and has a graduate degree hahahahaha.

my point is, i simply couldnt just waltz in and get a 20k Alt Right Job, because there ARE no Alt Right Jobs! The one alt right job there is pays 12k a year and wants qualifications i dont have!

again, you would LITERALLY be a LOT better off taking calls in a tech support call center.  good god.

anyway i think it would be better if someone like emily said yeah i fooked negroes in the past, i am disgusted with this and would never do it again, rather than sinead avoiding talking about it, when she gets accused of being a mudshark all the time, and she probably was, but just wont address the issue. just say you did it, say you’re ashamed, say you understand your mistake, learned from it, and became a better person! we will forgive you! were not monsters!

not that theres been any mudslinging on emily. the alt right has been very gentlemanly to her and she hasnt done any sketchy shit either.

well she was just on the david duke show today, which is a good show, i just dont listen to it super often hahahaha. but he just had richard spencer on a few days ago, and he has andrew anglin on regularly. i have been down with david duke for YEARS. i dont like the plastic surgeries and the rumors of degeneracy, but the stuff he says is so solid, and I was glad he ran for senate, and is talking to the right people. keeps in touch with the young kids in the alt right. WN 2.0 hahahahaha.

i have listened to at least 20 episodes of his radio show hahaha and listened to at least 60% of the audiobook of “my awakening”, can heartily recommend. great book. great info on the JQ which I got in 2012 or 2013. Duke has been around for DECADES, before there WAS an alt right, and the best thing out there was mgtow. yikes. dark days. then you found stormfront and said, hmmm i think these guys are onto something, but theres gotta be a better way of doing this. this guy david duke is pretty solid, why arent there more people developing this line of thought? and now there ARE.

heh. i am an oldfag, back when i was getting into shit, MGTOW and MRA was the EDGIEST shit the internet had to offer. besides stormfront hahahaha. and i read a little bit of stormfront too.

but yeah boy am i glad the alt right happened, MGTOW was a damn dead end.

dec 29

so yeah. while I USED to identify as a MGTOW, i did have serious problems with it as I accepted my pretty natural desire to have a Wife and Children, to have a traditional monogamous white relship. pretty quickly i realized how jooish and unnatural it was for men and women to be at war with each other, to be enemies. this wasnt all womens fault. there was a more insidious force at work.

the family life was shitloads better than the mgtow single life. i couldnt believe how so many mgtows could not figure this out and were still either talking about how to bang sluts, or how to build robot women.

tarek and christina split. i bet it was her that is At Fault. To Blame. I never liked her hahahaha. i liked him a lot better even though he is half arab. plus he doesnt look or act semitic at all.  and their chidren were adorable. i bet she dumped him and he begged her to stay and make an effort to work it out baybeeeeee and now she is fooking new guys, probably WAYYYYY more nonwhite looking and acting than tarek.

right after he had that Cancer Scare! What a Horrible Bitch! but he seems too nice and she probably needs a man who can absolutely DOMINATE, if not abuse her. she would be more down for a more dominant arab man. tarek RESPECTS women too much. many women dont want to be RESPECTED hehehehe. then they go on reddit and tell women everything is abuse, loveisrespect.org. nope. you respect a woman, she will leave you for pedestalizing her. OR do something so horrible and disgusting to teach you a lesson about Pedestalizing. Take me off the pedestal! I’m gonna fook 10000000 negros right now!

going to buy new glasses. it is the biggest jooish ripoff since going to the dentist. going to the doctor hahahaha. go into these glasses places and they are full of Shark Women doing sleazy salesmen shit. absolutely disgusting. women shouldn’t be doing this. shit men shouldnt be doing this. no business should be run like an obvious jooish scam. capitalism doesn’t have to be so jooish and disgusting ahahahaha. purge the bergs and steins hahahaha.

americas best is the WORST. if it says 2 pairs of glasses for 70 bucks……..sheeeeeit. don’t tell me that 2 pairs of glasses for me is going to be 210 bucks. that is THREE TIMES MOAR. if someone comes in asking about the 2 for 70, do you really think they have a huge budget to buy the top shelf glasses and lenses? and us rubes don’t know that frames and lenses are two different things. 2 frames for 70 is bullshit when its like 140 for two sets of LENSES.

i would ask them, what are you looking to spend, 100 dollars, ok, well for that you can get this, for a teensy bit more you can get this, then you prob wont want to go much hgiher than that!

no frills, no add ons, no extras, no upselling, just bottom shelf, bargain basement, basic bitch everything.

2 pairs of glasses, out the door, with lenses, for 70 bucks. that is what i want. i don’t care about polycarbonate, or scratch protection (well, sorta i do), or antiglare coating, or transition lenses hehehehe. maybe if i had vision insurance, which only the top 1% do hahahahaha. or people like muh baby boomer family hehehe.

i thought getting a glasses shop job would be pretty chill, but after going to a few of these places, i can see that it would not be. on dec 29 the places were packed with people. maybe thats just normal for the holidays.

bitcoin falling finally.

GENTLY signalled interest in the MJ with the one person i can conceivably talk to about this. i thought he might have not registered the idea that next time he wants to go in, i’d like him to tell me so i can go in with him. he is generally good at reading signals but i still wasnt sure, besides, i am terrible at communicating stuff like this. and he is abstaining for the medium term for very legit reasons. but yeah yesterday i made it clear that when you decide to stop abstaining, please let me know ASAP. he clearly understood what I was saying. so that is good. Now I know not to be PUSHY.

in other words, ive done all i could there.

but yeah i was like damn how could i ever do what these women do. lie to people to sell them glasses. they deliberately make shit confusing and complicated to Upsell and Add On Shit, and have horribly misleading advertising. i hate this jooish shit and i hate that white women are stuck working in these jobs. i’d be like listen, you want the lowest price, i get it, well then you have to get this. i SHOULD HAVE studied the website for americas best before walking in there, just so i could tell them the things i DIDNT want.

well i ended up finding a pair for 70 dollars, including both frames AND lenses. that seemed reasonable to me. so just said ok ill take it. wanted to get out of there anyway. fookin glasses. the place was huge, had a ton of employees, and a ton of customers, and i thought, really, glasses? such big business? doesnt everybody have lasik or contacts?

i dont like honestly not terribly smart white women acting like jooish snake oil salesman. youre obviously tyring to confuse me with glasses jargon. dont do that. i should have taken 5 minutes to study glasses jargon before i left. but i shouldnt HAVE to in a nice huhwhyte country is what im saying. i guess i didnt realize the glasses industry was so thoroghly jood. i shouldnt be surprised though. health care, hospitals, doctors, dentists, medical, insurance, its all fooked and jooed. which is sad.

and when MJ is legal that will be jood too hahahaha.

tensions with israel at the moment. UN snubbing israel and obama/kerry saying yeah we snub israel too. trvmp saying just you wait bibi, just 3 more weeks and then me, your best buddy, me, will be in office, and you wont get this terrible treatment from the US. this was always gonna be the black pill about trvmp, was his super friendliness to israel, i guess we were just gonna not think about it until it was time to think about it. which is now nigh.

i mean i guess i support a state for joos as long as they get the damn joos out of the US. out of our media and culture and govt and business and education and everything. absolutely never gonna happen.

square pegs. mid 80s teen sitcom with teenage sarah jessica parker. she was a QT when she was young, fook this horse face nonsense! but it just never suits a woman to be a 40+ year old slut, so she brought that shame on herself!

i think she is jooish. doesnt stop 20 year old jooish gurls from being qt.

yeah i believe in REDEMPTION. and if i believe in redemption for myself, which i would LIKE to, then i have to believe in redemption for other people. namely, women, sluts, degenerates. if i can do it, they can do it. if they can do it, i can do it. and i like reading stories of actual redemption.

i dont think sinead is stupid. in fact i think she is attractive and its tech good she has a baby. she sometimes comes VERY CLOSE to making good points, and then totally crashes and burns, or attacks somebody great like millennial woes. so she is very frustrating and disappointing, because she has great potential. and of course she could be redeemed too. but my god she HATES the alt right. she views it as a totally gay compromised thing. calls it the alt k1k3.  i guess i should be happy that in 2016 there are qt white women who are ok on the JQ and not afraid to use the K word hahahaha. didnt have this even 4 years ago.

but yeah if kyle is her lover she should identify as his wife, and be like, im taken by my one man kyle, and he is the father of my baby. i luv him and will be loyal to him. and not have any ambivalence there.

so in short i dont trust her at all. i trust emily Y more than her.

wow what an insensitive cvnt. and she wants sympathy from reddit. i hope they crucify her hahaha. if she worked halg the day that her husbando worked, she’d be EXHAUSTED too. but now she wants to dump him because his job is exhausting him and she is annoyed by him being exhausted all the time. what a fooking bitch. he needs a woman who can have s ome damn sympathy for him.

basically with /relships, i upvote men and downvote women. and men who talk like women. women have nothing smart or good to say about relships. they have no idea how to have relships with men.

i think if i went into americas best and said listen. i see your sign for 2 for 69.95. that’s basically the type of value i want. I want the SHITTIES lenses AND the shittiest, cheapest frames, for less than 100 bucks TOTAL, out the DOOR. frames AND lenses, under 100 TOTAL. no deals, no add ons, no extras, no 2 pairs. no scratch protection, no anything protection, i am looking for the equivalent of no-fault shitty auto insurance. i would like to buy nicer glasses but i cant afford them.

reddit is gonna say there is nothing wrong with the sister being in JOOISH PORN and the man needs to GROW UP and GET OVER IT.

now i dont think you should be quick to pull the DEFOO trigger, and always be open to forgive and allow your family the chance to repent and redeem themselves…..but the sister is not moving in that direction at ALL, in fact, she is doubling down on the PORN. so the brother is RIGHT to be DEVASTATED and depressed about this. shit what if his WIFE decided this was an ok thing to do?

i was watching andy griffith and gomer pyle USMC and i was like, these quaint shows of a better time. that gomer pyle is a likable idiot. seeing that this stuff is STILL made by joos when you watch the crrrrrredits.

or this show “Square pegs”, which i had never heard of, but seemed pretty entertaining and well-written and funny. yep moar joos. which is not surprsing as this was the 80s. but joos in the 80s and esp the 60s didnt seem so god damn JOOISH as they do now. well except for that sneaky sneaky joo norman lear. i mean i used to watch all in the family regularly, and like the character archie bunker. i still kinda do!!!!

but yeah being JQ aware really helps you with shit like that. and reading between the lines to see this is more than just a good show. its more of a subversive and offensive show than you realize. you’re not SUPPOSED to……well i cant even say that youre not supposed to like archie. he’s the main damn character. i think you ARE supposed to like him, and realize YOU are just as horrible of a racist goy as he is, and then learn Lessons Of Tolerance just as Archie does. but archie truly says some hilarious shit. him and his wife edith are both great. and shitlib son in law meathead. total shitlib sjw leftist commie.

i WISH the show were written by alt right SHITLORDS rather than SJW Joos! honestly the alt right could bring the show back in this way, that’s a great idea. would be even kooler than a blatantly alt right king of the hill.

on the fatherland, muh boy no1 suggests that million dollar extreme/sam hyde is basically Entertainment/Comedy for Goys By Goys, comedy stripped of any horrible jooish influence. i mean i hope it is! we need our own CULTURE, stuff like music, movies, tv, stories. not just implicitly cool stuff like christopher nolan or something, but something that comes right out and says, this is who we are. we are not J’s. this work is 100% free from jooish influence. i would love that. cuz you can’t GET that in mainstream ANYTHING.

this is another benefit of black metal hahaha. it is very free of jooish influence. maybe thats why i like it so much hahahaha. was such a big boortzum fan for so long hahaha. really liking this saor/fuath hahahaha.

well because its impossible to make a tv show or movie without a bunch of Js getting involved. I like more solitary pursuits, more of a Auteur approach hahahaha. one man’s singular, unadulterated, unjood vision. much more practical to accomplish with music or books. and i dont like books hahahaha. well auteur movies are a good attempt too.

and certainly self made youtube vids. or 1488 podcasts hahaha.

havent really watched lots of MDE. dont know anythign about the other guys in MDE other than sam hyde. i guess there is an mde book now. i mean i respect and trust no1 so his recommendation is as good as any.

george feels responded to me and said thank you. so that was nice. have no idea if he is gonna fix the thing that i said he might want to fix hehehehe. well i did my part. i might give him another dnation next xmas hahahahaha.

when i get to the position he’s in….wait a minute i am actually OLDER than him hahahaha. AND he has a better job than me.  so when HE gets to the point I am in now, THEN he should start going to hookers and smokin MJ which is freely available in his damn town. just walk into the store just as easily as buying a bottle of booze. and he Gets To Do That too. I’m not even allowed to drink booze any more hahahahaha.

this is kinda sad. of course i would say take the “dream job.”

He has very low self-esteem and has mentioned several times that he may be depressed. Until recently, he would rant to me over text (hundreds of texts) about his insecurities, that he feels like trash, and that there’s a lot of expectations and societal pressures on him because he’s a man. Multiple times he’s told me he wanted to end his life. When I tried comforting him and dissuading him from it, it backfired and he lashed out against me, saying that there is no way I can empathize with people like him in the slightest. In subsequent meltdowns, I held back on comforting him out of not knowing what to say, and he said I lacked a moral compass and that women like me are biologically wired to hate men like him.

HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA. well i know how this guy feelz, but the fact that she HASNT left him yet, CARES enough to ask reddit. but yeah. ive felt that exact feel. women HATE loser men more than men hate sluts. and they will throw you away like garbage. thing is, she hasn’t thrown HIM away like garbage, and i think if she DID dump him, she would make an effort to do it in a decent way.

yep you will be a virgin for the next 10 years, just be thankful you can even GET a job. also try not to get arrested for drugs or alcohol hahahaha

oh thats fine, nothing wrong with fooking 12 guys by the age of 18 hahahahaha.  sex is a conditional, relative, gray area thing. sometimes its serious, and sometimes its just casual fun!!!!!! yay!!!!!!!!

BE ASHAMED OF YOUR SLUT PAST. tell your bf yes im ashamed of what i did and who i was, and that shame is gonna keep me from doing that shit again. yes it is digusting i agree. instead when you tell him im not ashamed at all, whats wrong with that? uhhh yeah youre saying i have no shame about being a shameful slut hahahahaha.

because who knows when they are gonna get bored with sex with YOU and go easily find it with any of their 6000000000000000 male friends.

they SHOULD be ashamed of their slut past. that is the BEST way to make your new bf OK with your slut past. NOT say, no, i’m not ashamed of that gross degen disgusting shit I did!

you SHOULD be ashamed of disgusting things you did! not continue to unrepentantly insist these things ARENT disgusting! damn!

what ELSE is she not ashamed by but SHOULD be? cheating?

best to be with somebody who shares your sexual MORALITY – that sex is not some Fun Game to be played with any Sexy Boi. of course its hard finding a woman with that sexual morality! and if you do, they will not like you back and will reject you VERY HARSHLY hahahaha.

sheeeeeit you know what, she was EMOTIONALLY CHEATING on her original boifran. she wanted to fix things with him, but she was EMOTIONALLY CHEATING on him anyway. by becoming friends with ME. yeah i didnt realize this at the time, and not until recently, and its safe to say she NEVER realized it! because she was emotionally retarded!!!

 

YOU SEEM TO HAVE ME CONFUSED WITH A BALLLESS BETA B1TCHBOI

105

it has been 83 days since i was horribly dumped and i guess i feel better than i did at the beginning, i mean dat feel when you wake up and it takes a few moments to realize your life is ruined is horrifying! now you know it right away and it isnt nearly as scary.

a SHIT TEST? is that all this was was a goddam crummy lousy bullshit shit test?  because women can give shit tests without knowing it?

going back to that ridic stefan vidya on polyamory, promiscuity, he basically seems to be optimistic that the couple can figure this out with some serious you guessed it communication.

i mean i would guess she dumps him very soon. be nice to see a Follow Up in 6 months.

anyway he said, well if she values EMPATHY and COMPASSION, the fact that he is unhappy and miserable about her fooking other guys, should make her say, hey the guy i luv is very unhappy about this, i dont like making him unhappy, im gonna take his feelings into consideration, and not do this, because his feelings are important to me. its more important that he’s happy than i leave the door open for random dick.

well it was apparently not important to The Woman that I was made happy by talking or hanging out with her! she didnt care that i was miserable!

also the idea that it was a “subconscious shit test” again takes away any responsibility from her, and again puts the blame 100% on me. oh if i had just passed the shit test, its all my fault. i cannot have that way of thinking!

i dont think we SHOULD treat women like Bratty Children. we CAN treat women like immature adults. even if the man is supposed to Lead and be Masculine, doesn’t mean he totally Dominates or Enslaves his woman. she still has free will.

well, ideally. but obviously the Average woman IS an immature child where if you dont want them to destroy your life, you MUST dominate them!!!!

dominate them or else they’ll destroy you. sounds great!

so yeah i dont want to get hung up on this shit test idea. besides i didnt think you got shit tests until after you banged the gurl. well if its a decent woman who doesnt bang every guy she knows. and she was a decent women wawawawawawaawawa.  so therefore she is entitled to give me shit tests before i bang, or even date her?

no need to overcomplicate this, over think it, go to Occam’s razor, she simply did not want to Date me, that much is obvious.

YOU MUST HAVE ME CONFUSED WITH SOMEONE WHO TAKES SHIT. Stop being shitty and make me a sammich hahahaha.

you either hang out with me and show me you still care about me, or we’re done. officially.

then i would have dumped her before she could dump me hahahaha.

but i was too in luv, too invested, to be able to do that.

thats why you have these discussions early, before you fall too deep in luv.

damn.

so after a few months, i was fully in the throes, and very emotionally compromised,and put her on a huge pedestal, which is what luv is, so dont hate the pedestal, hate the pvssy hahahaha.  no luv grows like a fungus, fairly quickly, and if you avoid talking about it, it turns bad.

hahaha funny. looks like i avoided talking about something important too. then it became too important for me to avoid. but she wanted to keep avoiding it.

so i should have put the foot down and said we’re not gonna avoid this any more. THIS ENDS NOW. I have feelings for you, thats why things have been so weird. i know it’s a bad time for you. sorry but thats how feelings work. they happen at weird times. take it or leave it.

and then she would leave it and i would have been spared some time and pain.

ok fine i applied for this goddamn job pool thing which closed today at 11:59 hahahaha. really half assed it. only did jobs going back 10 years, did not put name of supervisor or anything that wasnt asterisked. but i lied and said i applied for it earlier, and really it is an ok idea to apply, so i applied for it.

///////////////

LETTER: ok. this is obviously an unsent letter. if you were to send it, you would take all the harsh mean stuff and say everything in a nice way.  and thats exactly what i did with the letters. you start off being honest, totally honest, then go back and smooth it over in a way that you could actually say to a person. remove the anger and the accusations. thats what i did!!!! owned my feelings, tried to use I statements and minimze You statements.

i will not do that here, this will be more raw.

OK. so i was very mad and upset at how this ended up. i thought you cared for me. i realize you dont like like me, but damn please dont throw me away like a piece of garbage. so i was weak and pushy and annoying. i still dont think that cancels out everything we had before. so you didnt share my feelings. you really didnt have to dump me in the most hurtful way possible. that really hurt me. it didnt have to hurt so much. i wish you had just talked to me and told me. i wish you had responded to any of my 4 emails. the first one would have been a good opportunity. do you understand how this was painful to me? have you ever had strong feelings for someone but they refused to talk to you? what happened when you tried to bury these feelings deep and pretend they werent there? have you ever gotten feeligns for someone who was a friend for 2 years? probably not. but it is no fun when you cant talk to the person, and they are pulling away from you. you begin to blame yourself for absolutely everything, it eats away at you, well at least thats how i felt. my confidence and strength was destroyed. so im sorry i wasnt very strong or courageous about it all. as all this went on for month and motnhs with no resolution or no communication, it ate away at me.

so thats why i was annoying. but i dont think me being annoying was being ABUSIVE. i was just upset and worried and anxious and wanted to talk, but i was not getting the chance to talk. however i just couldnt bury or extinguish my desire to talk, because my desire to talk was because of the feelings i had for you, and i couldnt extinguish those.

it hurts to get the silent treatment from someone you care about, whether you have special feelings or just friendly feelings. i felt like i was getting shut out of your life and i didnt want that. i wanted to be a part of your life and you to be a part of mine. it hurt so much to get that rejected. i hope you can understand this. thats why i was so pushy to communicate, and thats why i was so utterly devasted when you stopped talking to me.

yeah i should have been stronger and just sucked it up and keep calm and carry on. maybe if this had all happened a few months earlier i could have. but by that time it had been eating away at me for too long, and i was ery emotionally and mentally compromised by the stress, of having something important to talk to you about, and not being able to do it.

yeah i should have just said something months earlier. that is one of my biggest regrets. as well as not asking you directly about your new BF last year, or asking you about your feelings towards me, or talking about my feelings towards you, or telling you the instant i started changing in october, like hmmm i think things are changing right now.  i was too cowardly to talk about those feelings. i learned that the price of NOT talking about them, is too great to avoid. that is, its best to talk about them sooner than later. it will be awkward but the short term awkwardness is worth it, to get past any long term conflicts, and get everything out in the open as soon as possible, so everyone is open and honest at all times.

i could feel you becoming gradually more distant and this hurt me too, to have someone who was once my friend, not want to be my friend any more, not want to talk to me any more, not care about me any more.  yeah our friendship would have to change or end because of my feelings, but that doesnt mean you can totally disrespect the other person and treat them like garbage. i know you didnt intentionally do this, but i felt like i was being treated like garbage, like just an annoyance that should disappear forever. this is a terrible feeling!!! it is very shattering to my self confidence to get that from someone who once was so nice to me. to be held in high regard, then held in low regard, by someone that i still cared about greatly. this was heartbreaking to me.

was this all because of a “shit test”? were you just testing me? why the fook couldnt we just talk like two adults? because i was not an adult? i was the bad guy? i just wanted to talk to you and make the best of a very bad situation!!!!! you made the situation 100000 times worse! i wanted to put water on the fire. you threw gasoline on it!!!!

im not accusing you. thats just what it looks and feels like to me.  and i am heartbroken and devastated.  i worry about my ability to connect with women in the future. are all women like this?

i want to forgive you because that means i will have let go. i am still angry though. i forgive you partially right now, because you probably didnt know what you were doing, much like me. lots of not clear thinking. you didnt MEAN To hurt me this much. but the situation still hurt me and i believe you could have done more to treat me more kindly and i would hurt LESS. so i am still a little angry and i am not through forgiving you. forgiveness is a process which takes time. it will be a while before i can let go of ALL the anger. but i hope to get there someday.

best wishes to you. but i still want you back and cant let you go entirely right now. this shocking heartbreak will take a long time to get over. at least 6 months, if not a whole year. my feelings for you were real. they were not simple lust or infatuation. they were built on knowing you and being your friend and trusting you for 2 years. that is a pretty big deal. and ending something that significant and substantial should be done in more respectful of a manner than just throwing the person away like garbage.

i dont think i was so shitty that you couldnt even write me an email or facebook message. just say sorry but i cant do this anymore, have a good life, things were good once but i am done. just say that for gods sake. i didnt deserve one simple but powerful sentence because i was weird and pushy?

relationship experts agree that dumping somebody with no communication is the worst, most painful way to end a relationship. it is only justified if the person has been abusing you. i may have been annoying you, but i was not ABUSING you. you ignoring and avoiding me and giving me the silent treatment and stonewalling, was closer to Emotional Abuse, than was me, pushing you to talk. i was only pushing you out of a positive kind caring feeling. that feeling is by definition totally absent when you avoid and freeze somebody out. you cant freeze somebody out out of love. or if you are, at least TELL them. tell them what you are doing.  this has been the most frustrating and painful experience ive faced in years. in a way this feels worse than a loved one dying. becuase i know that they loved me and didnt choose to die. here i feel like you are rubbing salt in the wound, that you REALLY dont care about me at ALL any more and you’re gonna prove it to me.

and i dont even think thats true! i think you still care about me a LITTLE, more than what this action is saying.

also i know you are a better person than to do something this cruel, which makes it all the more shocking and frustrating and painful.

but yeah i will forgive you and stop being angry at you in 6 to 12 months. i just wished you hadnt been so harsh.

how could you hate me that much? this seems like a vengeance thing that you do only to people who have really wronged you, abused you, betrayed you. i dont think i did any of those things, at least not to this extent! im sorry i didnt respect your boundaries but i dont think you respected my boundaries either.

i just cant beleive you hated me that much or had lost that much respect or caring for me. did our time together mean anything to you? how long did you hate me? when did you start “packing your bags?” for me it started to get too much around february. i should have just told you everything by then rather than dragging it out till july.

but yeah i feel terribly rejected and heartbroken.

i wasnt perfect but i dont think i was THAT BAD to be treated like this. no one deserves to be treated like this. i know you are a kind person. you used to be kind to me. how could you be so unkind to me? it already hurts to end an important relationship.

its natural and normal for relationships to end when one person gets feelings but it can be done in a respectful and compassionate and kind way that shows you care about the well-being of the person, and dont think they’re garbage just for getting feelings for you. nobody is garbage for getting feelings.

this was an important relationship for me. i know at one time it was for you too. i cant believe you wouldnt try to end it in more of a friendly manner.

i know you didnt intend to hurt me so much and part of the hurt you cannot control, because you cannot control what kind of feelings you have about me, meaning i would be disappointed if you couldnt have feelings for me, but that is no ones fault. it is in your power though, to appraoch this situation in a more friendly manner so that there are not hard feelings. i dont want to end this in this way, and you still have the power to end this in a less painful way. just tell me that you dont hate me, that our friendship was important.

this is such a disappointing end to to such a beautiful friendship. we started to have some trouble in the last few months but that doesn’t mean it has to end this way. lets share our feelings and thoughts with each other and give each other respect.

so i screwed up. so i kept saying lets hang out instead of let’s TALK. i cant really say it was obvious that i wanted to talk about something. I just don’t know how obvious it was. i should have said more directly that i wanted to talk about something important to me. in the meantime i tried to send different sorts of signals to you, to indicate that i had new feelings. thats why i was texting you more than i had before and acting different in general.

i know women dont respect weak and unconfident men. this is the absolute worst thing you can be to a woman, they will respect you less than someone who hurts them directly, like a cheater or a deadbeat. but honestly. im not just some random unconfident guy. you know i can be more confident. i am just going through a phase right now. its part of being human. we all have our ups and downs. i will get through this, it just takes time, and i would appreciate your support, rather than the contemptuous condemnation i feel i am getting.

i know you have been abandoned by people in your life. you know how bad it hurts then. please dont do that to me. dont make me remember YOU as an abandoner, because i know you’re a better person than that.

we can totally end our relationship and never have to talk to each other again. but i feel like you are treating me like i am a horrible person. i am really not a horrible person, not for liking you, and not for being awkward about telling you.

it is devastating to feel abandoned by someone you cared greatly for. who you wanted to be in your future. well obviously you didnt want to be in my future but when one person rejects another person its inherently painful. one does not need to add any more pain to it, unless they absoultely hate the other person and want them to suffer. i cant believe you’d want to make me suffer, when we had been good friends for 2 years.

this is killing me. i will never give up on love and i will always risk heartbreak to get it. but this didnt have to end this badly. i came to you with a spirit of cooperation and oppenness. i feel you were avoiding me, with a spirit of closed-ness. there was no way an open person can cooperate or communicate with a closed person.

its okay to have time and space and distance and to end our relationship, but please communicate about things like this, or you risk hurting someone deeply. communication is VERY VERY VERY important.

if i were doing something to make you this mad and hateful at me, i wish you would have told me or even argued or screamed or fought with me. that would tell me that you cared enough about me and the relationship to confront me about it and do something about it. i would have done my best to stop hurting you.

but you also cant expect me just to stay away from you forever. that is not reasonable. me wanting to talk to you, and even hang out with you once in a while, is reasonable. i did try to give you some time and space. but i couldnt do that forever. you were my friend and i wanted to see you and spend time with you. i dont think that is unreasonable for friends to expect of each other. if you wanted more time and space, you have to communicate about it. i could have given you more time and space if you told me more or communicated with me more or met with me just to talk about what was bothering you.

so women are supposed to hate weak men even more than they hate an abuser or an abandoner. supposedly women hate a weak “nice guy” worse than they hate a violent, dominating, cheating, monster. because at least that guy is strong and masculine. i can understand this to an extent but only to an extent. does it always have to be that way? do all women have to be like that? i was a weak nice guy, did you have to hate me THAT much? I never abused you. i never really HURT you other than being weak and annoying, which is a much lesser kind of “hurt” than cheating, violence, abuse, betrayal.

did you have to hate me that much?

maybe you didnt hate me. i think you were just overwhemled and wanted to avoid dealing with a tough situation, pretend none of this existed.

thats valid but god damn did it hurt me. the problem with that is that you can pretend none of this exists, but thats really hurtful to me to be on the receiving end of that. to be the one pretended like they don’t exist. when the one doing that pretending is someone he once thought of as a good friend. and they thought of him as a good friend too.

you told me i was a good friend. i wish you told me that you wanted to stop being friends.

i wish i could have just presented my feelings to you, and have you say “sorry but no thanks i cant do that, but i dont hate you for it.”

i wouldnt have hated you if you got feelings for me. in fact long ago i thought you might have. im sorry i was too scared to mention anything. i shoudl have asked you straight up. but i didnt want to interfere or break up your relationship. it was only after your rel ended that i started to think about you differently. if you started really acting you like you liked me i might have said something. but i wouldnt avoid you. i would want to resolve the issue by talking about it.

if you even could have responsed to email1 or any of the emails, that would have been a lot better. that would have felt like we were having a discussion about our relationship.

even if my feelings were one sided, the communication surround the end of the relationship did not have to be one sided.

i know you know abotu the importance of karma. its just really bad karma. i know youre not a bad person, but this is a really shitty thing to do. getting used to doing things like this is how a good person becomes less good. you dont need to hurt your karma by doing this. you’re better than this. youre a good person. dont do something really shitty to ME, who was once your friend, who still cares about you. i dont want to remember you with bitterness.

and i will forgive you one day, it will just take a little longer. but it really sucks that it had to end this way. this could have been a lot less painful. there could have been better karma. this is terrible for my confidence. i have experienced a lot of failure and rejection in my life and it doesnt get any easier. it has led to depression and anxiety which is partially why i have not developed very much in my life for my age. i am tired of failing, scared of failing again, tired of trying even, when everything ends up in failure. its been like that with school, work, and relationships especially. im tired of trying, and ive lost my ambition. i will never give up on having a good relationship though, because thats more important to me than school or career. i can live with a mediocre job. but i would not want to have a mediocre relationship. i would rather be alone. but i am tired of being alone. i would rather have a good relationship with a good person than be alone all my life. you are a good person and i thought you were the one for me. obviously i am not the person for you at ALL.

you can reject my feelings but dont reject me as a person in such a harsh, mean way.

 

///////////end letter for now hahahaha

heh 83 days later and i briefly went back into muh facebook and she is STILL blocking me. good lord.

well maybe she can’t unblock me when i have my account deactivated, which i do 99.999999999% of the time!

i think this is the case.

https://answers.yahoo.com/question/index?qid=20110420173417AArmSHq

well according to this at least. yes. you do have to have an active facebook, for them to unblock you. hehehehe maybe she wanted to unblock me, but couldnt beccause i wasnt even there!!!!!

shit.

anyway facebook clearly sucks so i am glad i only reactivated it for 30 minutes or so. then deactivated it. i did NOT look at the damn messages i we exchanged back in the day.

i dont even know why. well thats a lie. i wanted to see if she was still blocking me.

but it looks like she cant UNBLOCK me if i am not ACTIVE. so yeah she always will be blocking me as long as i am not active!!!

well she has my email and phone number if she really is desperate to get hold of me!!!!!!!

damn.

of course she doesnt WANT to get ahold of me…..or else she WOULD have.

but i cant say she’s “still holding a grudge because she hasnt unblocked me” because i dont think she COULD unblock me even if she wanted!

fooooook.

20151005141730

maybe she wanted to unblock me but couldnt. i looked at some co workers but i did not look at any of her family members or people where she would be SUPER likely to post. but rather people where she might post. i know im blocked because i cannot find her in my search box. no i did not want to use the direct url of her FB page. its horrible that i remember what it is!!!!!!

well i also wanted to see if anybody had sent me any messages. i dont know if they even CAN if you are deact. i didnt see any messages. im still not sure if they can.

hehehe because i thought she might have unblocked me and sent me a Reconciliation message, was my hope hahahaha.  so obviously i am not nearly over this.

hehehe it looks like people are working a lot of overtime at muh job. 30 hours a week of overtime alone hahaha. ie 70 hours a week. this is what they do.  i guess its better to pay many people 30 hours of overtime than to hire them full time? but couldnt they just put them on salary and make them work overtime for free?

heh. i just dont understand it. wouldnt it be cheaper to do that? or to hire more people so they wouldnt have to give overtime?

i wonder how much overtime she is working.

whenever there was an opportunity for overtime, i would say NO THANK YOU. overtime was time and a half, ie a pretty good rate, yet i was never willing to work EVEN ONE HOUR of overtime, was how much i hated it hahahaha. i am not answering phones and dealing with ridiculous shit for even ONE HOUR of 30 dollars an hour pay hahahaha. no it wasnt THAT much hahahahaha. but it was still high.

the only time i ever worked overtime was when it was absolutely mandatory and they gave you no choice.

that is a great measure of how much do you hate a job. do you AVOID taking overtime at every opportunity?

that was really the only way i was a “bad” employee, is that i was never THIRSTY for overtime. plenty of people are, because they have Huge Debts and Kids and are one paycheck away from the Streets.

THERE, BUT FOR THE GRACE OF GOD, GO I.

other than that i was a pretty good Employee. like actually smart. smarter than her hahahaha.

hahahaha wawawawawawaw i want Cuddles. I really wanted Cuddles with the woman. i have not have Cuddles in….since….shit 2005 sometime? about maybe may or june 2005 i cuddled with woman3 and maybe woman2, and that was it son. no cuddles for 10 years!

hahahaha no no Sex either. i thouht you had to cuddle to have secs.

no you really dont. bitches these days. maybe 10 years ago the raw hedonism of sex went along naturally with the tender warmth of cuddling. but not in 2015! they have been cleaved in twain!

very strange that women can take the emotion out of it. perhaps the most naturally emotional thing, and the most emotional people, can suck all the emotion out of this thing?

i dont believe it.

that’s why these open rels and promiscuity and casual sex are such clusterfooks!!!! people say they arent, but they really ARE, and they KNOW it, and deep down, they dont WANT it.

but people can FORGET their human natures, such that when they feel rumbles of it, they are confused, or they want to supress these unnatural, violent, Oppressive urges.

anyway i like cuddles! even more than sechs! you cant get diseases or have to have abortionz from cuddles! god damn!

are All Women Emotionally ABUSIVE? what she did was well not evil per se, but SHITTY. it wasnt as bad as cheating, but it was still bad. shitty. and arguably Silent Treatment over the long-term is Manipulative and Emotionally/Psychologically Abusive.

well she wasnt giving me silent treatment over long term, but she was avoiding me over long term. then when the silent treatment kicked in, i went apeshit. that was it. i was done hahahaha. she was done too. well i didnt want to be done with her, but i was done with that situation.

my job made me anxious and she made me anxious. they both made me quite anxious. each made the other worse. i might have been able to handle HER if the job were less anxious. but yeah both shitty things at the same time blasting me in the face. no good. couldnt handle it any more.

yeah i kinda like writing that letter. it has led to more writing hahahaha. i still have things that i want to say TO HER, but i CANT, so writing it To Her is the next best thing.

 

50% OF PEOPLE ARE NONMONOGAMOUS

aug 8

kind of a blah day, was tired last night, slept ok for a while, but have been too dead to either go walk or even write, took till 3 o clock. not thinking about her so much as the absence of her, the sinking in and acceptance that it is over. that my luv is over and not wanted. no one on the pedestal. still hoping she will “pls respond” hahahaha. nope of course not.

strange not much urge to write even. i mean its over, i will never be with her, she will always hate me and has shut me out forever, its over and done, i am at rock bottom, no where to go but up hahahahaha. yeah right.

funny really. if i had never known her i would have never gotten the job either. my recent well-paying job fell into my lap with the easiest interview ever, because of her, and we were both able to start jobs there at the same time. well the interview was easy because they just need pieces of meat with a pulse, because they Overhire and expect to lay off a ton of people who Arent Good Fit, ie dont learn how to adapt to the shitty conditions FAST enough, or they just very understandably say OH HELL NO and quit, or get hit in the first round of layoffs, or just stop showing up. its that kind of job. possibly the main reason i didnt quit at the beginning, was because i got moral support from her then, and also i wasnt in love with her then. it was not until fairly later that i made a strong connection with the young man there, and as the woman decreased giving me moral support because i was weird and scary, i was able to get good moral support from him. its that kind of job where you always need lots of moral support. well at least i did hahaha. i needed more than most. always hanging on by a thread.

it is amazing how fast everything fell apart though. sure there was a distancing which started months ago, however during that time she also made a few hopeful statements, mixed messages, like she didnt mean to ignore me so much, and missed me. of course she said that before she KNEW.

hehe i learned about myself that i think commnication is extremely important. and that some people dont always agree with that. some people will refuse to have communication with you! and possibly go on to choose to communicate with cheaters and abusers hahahahaha. they are worth talking to apparently lol.

well this should (hehehehe) eat at her conscience more than it eats at mine hahahaa. imagine that. a woman with a conscience. never met one of those hahahaha. the disappointing thing is that she seemed like she had a conscience. she probably even DOES, she just doesnt want to use it with ME. unlucky.

open relationships and jealousy. i think the idea is that you love your partner so much you give them complete freedom to explore all their feelings in the future.  i just dont know. that would prob be the situation where it works the best. and you dont bring in outside people for at least 2 or 3 years. rather than starting off with her dating 10 people hahahahahahaha. i remember telling woman 3 “oh sure of course we can date other people too!” because i was so desperate to have her back in any capacity, that i would share her with other men. well when there is no jealousy, you realize that you never OWN another person so they are never YOURS to “SHARE”. they are always free to do whatever you want and you can either accept it or get jealous and mad about it. sure go ahead fook other guys, let me PREP THE BULL while im at it hahahahaha.

kinda the way i see it is, if i’m willing to be a one woman man, “my” woman should be willing to be a one man woman! mutually agreed upon monogamy. well i guess you can have mutually agreed upon non monogamy. thats ok. but when NEVER works is when each person wants DIFFERENT things. one wants monogamy, the other wants non monogamy. that will absolutely never work.

i liked her because she seemed to like monogamy, she hated cheaters and cheating, i liked that about her. she seemed like a person who only ever did monogamy, and who herself never cheated. these are very attractive qualities for a woman for me IMHO.

im a damn man whos supposed to want to fook everything that moves, and i never wanted to date more than one woman at once. so hows a woman with a uterus who is supposed to be VERY SELECTIVE and CAUTIOUS, wanting more than one man at once?

i mean some people are just not very geared to monogamy. you can tell. others are however. i definitely am. and i like it when i can say a woman DEFINITELY seems monogamous. she did. i have met plenty of women (and men) who have not. in fact it might be 50 50.

yeah it just sucks to lose the connection we once had. we used to be pretty close and she said i was a good friend and it felt good to be close to a woman, hadn’t been that close to a woman in years, well emotionally speaking. where you trust each other and respect each other and like each other. very sad to have that die in the worst possible way.

then i imagined of course another worse case dream scenario: that, when asked about our Good Friendship, she would say: we were never that good of friends, that was something he added in his mind after the fact. we were inor level friends but nothing too serious. he never wanted to get too close. we were never really as close as he thought. hes just emotionally overreacting of course. its all in his crazy weird psycho mind. there was not really a lot there. there was a little, but not a lot, not nearly as much special stuff as he thought. if he thought that was special he obviously has never been in even a short term relationship.

see how you dissect everything in the worst possible way?

50% of people are monogamous, 50% of people are nonmonogamous. this is why 50% of marriages fail hahahaha. well you should be able to tell somewhat easily. i was able to tell pretty soon with her, even when we were just friends, i could tell right away that she didnt like cheaters and didnt want to cheat or date more than one person.

other people give a decidedly different vibe, of not taking sex or relationships seriously, always one foot out the door, revolving door of lovers, serial daters, then multiple lovers, etc. or you see the girl and think welp id bang her but she would be a HORRIBLE gurlfran or a HORRIBLE wife (but not necessarily a bad single mother! she’s not bad at taking care of her children, just at choosing the fathers of them.) anyway you can tell pretty easily.

but how can 50% of people be so damn different? is their any evolutionary basis? in fact evolution would probably say the MONOGAMOUS people are the weird ones. becuase most mammals are not monogamous, and alpha males have harems and many offspring, beta males die out with no offspring.

but monogamy has a benefit for HUMANS who have Higher Investment Children, with such a long infancy period.

but then a village or a harem of wives could also help raise children, not necess one man and one woman monogamously.

so my question is where does monogamy come from.

i honestly think its great. i wouldnt want to give it up. i have always wanted a monogamous companion. maybe it comes from Religion or Culture and its Patriarchal, Weird, Bad, and Rapey. i dont even care. its who i am, its what i want, i identify with monogamy in my identity.

it happens with guys too of course. the guys who are in monog rels, but are always commenting on other women, oh id bang the shit out of her, always looking at porno, going to strip clubs. but i guess sometimes this is a cover for other things, and they dont necessarily want to cheat on their wives. i say they should, just get it over with and live honestly.

it just sucks to get rejected by another monogamous person that you really like. and the sad thing is that she may well be on the path from being transformed from monogamous to nonmonogamous. the bad thing about nonmonogamous is that you treat people like fook meat, you cant really fall in luv with people, you take dicks without feeling and become dead inside and your soul dies bit by bit.

well what about the nonmonogamous people that arent like that. the ones who have loving open relationships. well good for them i guess.

i am just very sad about her fooking other guys, when i would have consider secs with her to be truly “making luv”, when you have secs with someone you have deep feelings for, it is truly different. nonmonogamous and normies dont understand this hahahahaha. that secs with someone you Luv is something else altogether. cuz theyve never had secs with someone they luved, because they have lost the ability to truly luv hahahaha. and so she can go wilfully choose luvless secs with random strangers, and she just treated me like a stranger weirdo creep rather than a human being she had known for years. its the seeing somebody do a complete 180 which is so mindfooking. like they have become a completely different person.

i just cannot have this happen again. ideally i would just go back and deal with her like a normal person would. but this is insane. i cant believe another guy got to be with her for years and bang her many times and cuddle with her for hours. and many other guys will do the same. and i would have luved her more than any of them lol. hahahaha. yep definitely at rock bottom now lol.

REJECTED (80 20)

nov 7 2014 friday gotta werk tomorrow

well it doesn’t look good with me and muh female friend, woman9. this might be the big rejection right here. where it was 70 30 before, uhhh now it might be 80 20 hehehe.

so the question is, do i become an autistic sadist by not taking the hint, and by pushing and pushing and pushing until i force her to actually SAY the words I Reject You? Cuz that might be bad karma on my part.

I had to push woman7 because she was autistic and asexual and possible lesbian, none of which is true about woman9, who is much more feminine and clearly heterosexual because she went out with a guy for years before they ended it.

anyway. what actually happened. i was gonna ask her if she wanted to hang out over the weekend, because she canceled last weekend and then said she wanted to reschedule. so i figure maybe try this weekend. however i also didn’t want to be too pushy, because i’ve been being a little pushy lately, and she’s been a little cold. so i figure, don’t be so pushy. time to pull it back, rein it in. fine, i can do that.

so she says have a good weekend, see you on MONDAY, which very clearly implies “nope don’t want to hang out on staruday or sunday.” so I say, ok, you have a good weekend to, text me if you want. like she didn’t know the door was open to her texting me, with me texting her every day like a beta f4g virgin!

anyway so i am definitely gonna rein it in, ball is in her court, and she can either return it, or not.

it is a possibility she needs to think about things and really decide things, make a big decision, formally end things with this other guy, etc. and it certainly took me a long time to go from being Just Friends to being In Luv with her. It could theoretically take some time for her to do the same, hehehehe.

so how much time do i give her? a week? a month? a year? hehehehe. definitely a week.

normally when a gril rejects me, the mature way i deal with it is say ok and then do No Contact, because i CANNOT see them afterwards.

i don’t think that’s unreasonable or immature.

The problem is when i have to see the woman who rejected me, and then see them giving obvious signals of interest to other guys, that she never gave to me. then i get angry and can do stupid embarrassing emotional things.

and when i have to see the woman, then it’s harder to move on and to want other women more than i wanted her.

nonetheless, having to deal with the challenge of seeing her regularly after the rejection, i think is better than not making my intentions clear. in other words, i had to do that, and then just deal with the fallout later. the fallout being, it’s going to be a lot of work and stress for ME dealing with the person I like rejecting me, on a regular basis. Heh. It’s not like she has to do that, because she never liked ME, so her seeing ME is not a big deal.

so in other words, i did the best thing i could do, by making my intentions clear. i had to put it out there. and she might reject it. all the signals i’m getting now from her say, i am not interested in u that way. body language, being somewhat distant, canceling hangouts, etc.

still a small chance that she’s just figuring things out. so i will give her like a week to do that. it does take a few solid nights of Sleeping On It to come to a decision on things. in fact it took me a few weeks to reach a conclusion about her, on how things had changed in my mind. maybe even about a month.

So i will give her about a month. and she may be more nice and warm and open to me after that time. hopefully! but still an 80 20 chance.

Oh well. At least I cannot regret not acting or not putting it out there, that’s my main thing, is being able to not regret not doing something. that is even worse than the rejection! even worse than living with the person who rejected you while watching them not reject other men!

but yeah. good for the blog, because in the history of this blog i have never been rejected by a grill. last time i got rejected was by woman7, in 2012, and that was before this blog. it might have led to the start of this blog in spring 2013 though. and then it wasn’t until recently that I actually  liked a Woman, Woman9. and so now i get to deal with a rejection in Real Time, which will be great for the blog, hehehehe. well at least i don’t drink any more. I will try not to give away too many personal details, because that is bad karma, and i don’t need any more bad karma, i am trying to bounce bad from many years of bad karma.

but karma is bullsh1t you say. well the word karma is gay, and i’m not fully jumping behind the whole new age thing, OR an indian religion thing, I’m just speaking Generally, I think in a general nonreligious, nonnew age sense, karma is VERY important.

anyway. just be cool, act like i am not affected at all, act normalfag, don’t act butthurt, don’t act beta, don’t be super nice either, also flirting with other grils in front of her wouldn’t be bad. act normal. don’t act angry or butthurt even if i am. and i def will be. so hide it. hide the anger. just be cool son. don’t let her know at all how much it bothers me. just put on the act. i can act. it’s not hard to act. and certainly dont tell her i haven’t had S in 9 years or havent made out with a gril in 8 years or haven’t gotten close to going out with a gril for 9 years and even then it was only a month and that was the longest “relationship” i ever had. talk about RED FLAGZ, hahahahahahahaha. but women don’t need to know any of that, it’s none of their f00king BUSINESS.

be cool, be cool, be COOL.

FIRST GIRL6 DREAM IN A WHILE

june 24

so stef molyneux was talking about ambition and aiming high and i never had that, no big dreams, he encourages you to dream big, he certainly does, he admitted to wanting to be the best philosopher of all time, and i laughed. he does have a bit of an ego! a “BIT”?!?!?!?!?!

but that’s his right, and it’s a good confidence builder. so i thought, well, blogging is my thing, writing at least, i’ve been writing forever, it’s what i do, thru thick and thin, i’ve always written. so why not try to be the best writer who ever wrote? make the best blog of all time? so now this blog is my lifes mission hehehehe. and i will make it the best blog of all time, written by the best blogger of all time, and help MORE people than have ever been helped by one person. i will do more good than any one person has ever done!!!!!

of course i reserve the right to switch over to Speaking, since to me, speaking is almost the same thing as writing. i am not married to writing as much as i am married to the language and the words. in fact i think speaking is BETTER than writing many times. so yeah. only reason i’m not speaking right now is because i am too afraid. but as i become the best blogger ever, i WILL probably eventually switch over to speaking for a large portion.

was watching tv (DONT EVER DO THIS!!! DESTROY YOUR TV NOW!!!!!) when i saw joel osteen speaking before yankee stadium and the whole f00king thing was filled top to bottom. for one guy speaking. i would kinda like to get to that level. now his face is very very very very very annoying but i tried to listen to how he spoke. his face was so annoying i couldn’t watch more than 2 minutes, but he was working that entire stadium pretty handily, telling a story. it was a decent story/lesson too: that though parts of our life may “stink”, we just have to use that as “fertilizer” to make ourselves even better. so when someone is an 4sshole to you, you say, THANK YOU for fertilizing me!

now i am actually kind of in an anti-god phase right now, kind of like, fook you, how dare you make us DIE before we can enjoy ourselves! that we have to suffer through our entire stupid lives and DIE before we get to the good part! That’s SOOOOO FOOKED UP!!!!!!!! I want to bang cute gurls in this life! I want to have a nice true luv waifu and five kids in this life! I want a good job in this life! to make a mark and leave a legacy in this world!!! but i don’t think god is saying we can’t. or osteen hehehe.

also i like how joyce meyer works the room. she is another good speaker. ummm are there any other good speakers who are not also huge preachers. tony robbins maybe? steven covey? wayne dyer? robert kiyosaki hehehe. suze orman. prezident barry hussein hwe hwe hwe. anyway if you can speak to a room of 90000000 people like that, that’s good confidence, and you can bang wimmin without needed to imagine you’re banging a better looking wimmin.

turning off the tv is a great life hack. i always have the tv on cuz i think it calms me down. BUT THE OPPOSITE IS TRUE. I AM MORE CALM WHEN THE TV IS OFF!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! TURN THE TV OFF NOW!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

june 25

damn. just had a dream about girl6 of all girls. in the dream we were in a house and people were having a party and the party was winding down. i think. or maybe that was a separate dream. anyway i remember we were in a bed and sort of cuddling, but there was this guy sitting in the room talking and talking who refused to leave and give us any privacy. probably a beta orbiter who was in luv with her and wanted to give me blue balls, hahahaha. we would intensely make out whenever we got one minute of privacy, but someone would always pop back in. we had to find another room to do the Deed. eventually we did and she was already naked by the time i got in there, and took her in my arms and she was very horny and i was very horny and i remember playing with her great classic 4ss. and i remember some very heavy making out, but i do not remember actually sticking it in unfortunately.

so it was a great fun dream, but bittersweet because of girl6 in reality. still not sure what her deal was. left with a bitter taste in muh mouth. she could have well be very crazy but really she was just cold as ice. the type of gurl that would totally dump you the minute after you first bang her. and i would want to bang her at least 100 times because she was real cute. type of gurl that always disappears and has a new set of friends every few months and you really can’t trust her at all, and god only knows where she’s at, what she’s doing, who she’s doing it with. very secretive and mysterious. not trustworthy at ALL. type of girl that would be real good at hiding, lying, and cheating. assuming you could keep her around long enough to cheat on you! she would be more likely to dump you immediately. yes, your pimp hand would have to be strong with this one. you would have to be VERY masculine, alpha, and confident. I might not even be able to fake it at this time, knowing all i do about MAsculine Confidence! you’d have to be damn near perfect to keep her. and she is really not THAT good, to demand that. her price is not that high, or, i should say, her value is not high enough to justify that price. she has some nice qualities in her personality actually, but they are way outweighed by the negative.

she really knows how to make guys MAD and JEALOUS. hehehe. she could be in big trouble if she gets mixed up with the wrong guy. heh. but i don’t think she would tolerate any abusers either. which i guess is good for her…. but i think she may have a bit of SADIST in her. probably a bit of masochist as well, but more sadist. so, i dodged a bullet there, but damn she was cute and I really wanted to bang her 100 or more times, and that was born out in this dream. I first met her and fell in “luv” with her when she was like 19 or 20 and real cute. not she is like 27 and looks a lot older, hehehe. but i would still do all the same degenerate things i would do to her when she was 19. i mean i really wish i’d banged her and made videos of her body. she was definitely on the high end of the level of my raging sexual libido for any of the Girls1thru8.

as of june 2014 you DO need spotify PREMIUM in order to use the lightwieght spotify player spotiamp. damn.

anyway. girl6. real cute and I would do absolutely disgusting, degenerate things to her that I wouldn’t do with normal cute gurls. it’s too bad she never came to her senses and liked me, hehehehe. however she never blatantly rejected me. if i had better game back in the day i might have been able to pull some action from her. but it’s possible i have not seen her since 2009 or 2010! and then soon after that she moved and I haven’t seen her since. if she were to initiate contact with me with hints of sechsytime, i would allow it, but i’m not gonna lower myself to reach out to her. balls in her court hehehe. though i hear she only dates black guys, hehehehe, and that aint me, babe, no no no.

HOW TO BECOME A NORMALF4G AND WHY YOU WOULD WANT TO

Because they’re not hatefully angry at everything all the time, and can actually accomplish things in life.

1750 words. with a break in the middle!
july 1 monday 2013

[reel fast movie review, skip if desired cuz doesn’t really Fit The Mission of this Blog:
Kanal By Andrzej Wajda. Uhhh 6.5/10. Started off good, got a little slow towards the end, not as gay and boring as you’d think a movie from 1957 would be hahahaha. deals with the warsaw uprising of 1944. I prepped myself by watching the extras FIRST, then the actual movie. extras were good, a 27 minute thing on the making of, this was a 2003 interview with Wajda, his asst director on the film, and a Famous Polish Film Scholar. Second was a 27 minute interview of Wajda talking to some kind of Polish Ambassador in 2004 who was involved with the uprising. to put it in context. The Old Guy’s opinion was that the Warsaw Uprising slowed both the Germans and the Russians and somehow kept the Russian Army from taking ALL of Berlin and not just East Berlin. Not sure how. Kinda confusing. But the bottom line of Recent Polish History is that Poland was taking it up the A55 from BOTH sides, Germany to the West and Russia to the East, and Poland probably got screwed worse than any other country in WW2. Anyway. Warsaw Uprising is the Polish Home Army “militarily” fighting the Germans trying to occupy Warsaw, but “politically” also fighting the Russians, who were right at the doorstep. The vistula River. Russians coulda jumped in and saved the day, saved the Poles from getting murdered by the Germans, but the Russians preferred to just sit there and “bleed the poles to death.” NOT sure if there was still a Russian-German Nonaggression Pact in 1944 like there was earlier in the war.]

kids taking calc 2 or 3 over the summer. sweet baby jesus. I hate them because I envy them, that they can do this without RAGING out. One of the TOP Things I Hate right now is Good Students. I Hate People Who Don’t HATE Everything like I do. I hate Students who can diligently do their 10 hours of Hard Math HW a day during the 1/6 of the year it’s actually NICE outside, because they’re Good Students with a Good Work Ethic, and I Hate them because I Envy Them for their Good Attitude and Work Ethic which I don’t have but I wish I had, so I hate them…well, I don’t really hate THEM, I ENVY them, and I hate that I am not like them.

(

* Heh. WHAT WOULD IT TAKE for me to Productively, Chillly do Calc 5 and Orgo 6 over the summer…..think about it…..yes a Nice Radiant QT Prime Of Youth 19 Year Old College Gurlfran to Make Out With after doing Stupid Problems for 10 hours a day, to be cute and 19 years old and say Oh Good For You, I knew you could do it, now let’s cuddle as I rub my 19 year old body over you and you exclusively, and next month we can slowly upgrade to the next level of intensity, because I’m a Nice Girl, I only do One Base Per Month, bla bla bla bla bla

* ^^^^IRON-CLAD PROOF OF ME BEING WORLD’S HUGEST WOMAN-HATER. OMG THIS MISOGYNIST HAS SUCH A CREEPY CONTROLLING ABUSIVE VIEW OF WOMEN, NO WONDER HE’S A KISSLESS VIRGIN

)

I have determined that the best thing I can do regarding my HATE and ANGER towards SKOOL is to Beg For Mercy and Help from a College Counselor/Advisor. Make an appointment, show them my transcripts, say PLEASE can you HALP ME, I am really burning out here, what’s the quickest way for me to get an Upper Working Class 10$ an hour job already, I am sick of school, I need a little DIRECTION at least, can you PLEASE I BEG YOU give me a little direction, O GOD PLEASE HELP ME, I really HATE SKOOL at this point, but I’m SMART I SWEAR, just my lack of focus, work ethic, and my bad attitude and my hate and anger are really making it real HARD for me to use the good brain the lord gave me. Got the Brains, but the Feels get in the way. Got a lot of brains, but got a LOT of Feels too. TOO many feels. Oh Sweet Baby Jesus Hammercy On Me!

And maybe they can “connect the dots”, and say oh you’re real close to this this and this, so think about these 3 options, rather than the 9000000000 “options” out there right now.

*So, Brethren Losers, do yourself a favor and see your own College Counselor. Even if they ARE “Useless”, they can’t possibly be HURTFUL, especially if you’re at Rock Bottom right now as it is!
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* another thing that MIGHT help is Learning College Study / “Survival” Skills, like a Programmed Method for Taking Notes and Studying. Because you never really learned these things in high school, because high school was way easier, now college is way harder. well, not like psychology class, but like fooking organic chemisty and biochemistry and calculus and thermodynamics and statics and plastics and mechanics and stuff like that, where some psychotic 4sshole instructor shouldn’t have a job. Maybe take classes like these at the Community College if you can. Since those instructors don’t really Do Research, then Theoretically they need to be able To Teach. Theoretically. Although I can tell you a lot of them don’t know how to teach either. Anyway, there are tons of books on this type of stuff: “becoming a master student”, “how to study in college” by pauk, the Cornell Note Taking Method, the right vs the wrong way to do flashcards, etc.

So find the people who CAN help you (counselors maybe, tutors maybe) and talk to them and beg them for help because you’re at the end of your rope.

When they say maybe you should go to a shrink too, tell em YEAH YEAH, I’m going to a shrink, why don’t YOU go to a shrink, hahahahaha. No, they probably WON’T tell you to go to a shrink, and they DEF won’t tell you to K yourself like 4chan would. It’s their Masters Degree Lower Middle Class JOB to HELP YOU. And besides it’s paid for by the OBSCENELY GENOCIDALLY OVERPRICED TUITION. YOU are their BOSS. THEY are accountable to YOU, who pays their salary. MAKE THEM WORK FOR IT.

I guess don’t be super hostile to them, or super emo. Just gently let them know you’re Not In A Good Place right now, and you really need some Help Plox. And that aint no lie!

(I am trying to pump myself up to make an Appointment with a College Counselor, if you couldn’t tell)

And I would guess that it’s in These People’s Job Descriptions to be NICE. Nicer than some f4gg0t INSTRUCTOR I’m sure! Those Who Can’t DO, TEACH! (Unless they really WANT to Teach, then they may be good teachers I guess.) These Counselors Probably WANT to HELP you! Let them HELP you! Go to them and say, ” I’m kinda pretty much near the end of my rope here, I really need some Guidance. Help Me Determine My Next Step. ”

Anyway. Their Job is to Help You, so Make Them Do Their Job. I really HATED going to the Academic Counselor because I was STUBBORN and I was also SCARED. Don’t make the same mistake I did. I should have probably visited the counselor at least two times per semester. Got as MUCH outside help as I could, rather than as LITTLE.

* Being CONFUSED about where your LIFE is going is a BIG cause of ANGER. Maybe if you get a little HELP with this, you will be LESS ANGRY AND HATEFUL, and you already KNOW that will help you in all aspects of your life. Like LIFTING. or PRAYING. Less Anger/Hate will make you Better and Stronger and Smarter.

* Although if you follow My plan, you start the First Day of College with your Major Declared (Electrical, Mechanical, Computer, Biomedical, Chemical Engineering) and know what classes you’re gonna take and what profs you’re gonna stalk and what internships you’re gonna get, for every semester, and every summer, from day 1. THEN maybe you can get away with visiting the advisor once a semester, instead of once a MONTH, once a month would be ideal for lazy layabouts who don’t know what they’re doing and thus shouldn’t even be Away At College in the FIRST place.

* If you are Privileged Enough to be Away At A Big College, then Visit your Advisor once a month, every month, even if you think you don’t need to.

* Also, visit a Psychological Counselor / Shrink at least once a month, even if you don’t think you need to. Do it ANYWAY, to make sure you aren’t developing any bad habits, like anger or hatred or alcohol or drugs or laziness. It’s their job to keep you on track. To make you better and stronger. Heck if you don’t visit them now, you’ll just end up visiting them LATER, when you REALLY need it, once you’ve REALLY hit rock bottom, and you’re reading r9k and v9k and My Blog, and thinking about Ending It All because you’re a Huge Neet Loser Virgin who still wants to bang College Girls, but has even LESS of a chance now that you’re Creepy and Fat and Old. So Go On Spring Break like I said last post. The Ugliest of the Young Drunken State College girls will be hotter than the Average 35 year old Real World Bar Skanks With Kids. No Contest!

* Heh. Neet semi-wizards like us view Sex in a Very Big Picture Sense: Normalfags get sex. Women get sex. But we Beta, Omega, Wizard Virgins do NOT get Sex, or Cuddling, or Hugging, Or Handholding, Or GFs, or makeouts, or anything like that. So Women are essentially just Normalfags then. I know my Target Audience! I have good enough social skills to have S with a Drunk 5/10 Woman….BUT I HAVE IMPOSSIBLY HIGH STANDARDS, hahahaha. Besides, I HATE skool, careers, and normalfags too much to ever fully BE a normalfag. Normalfags don’t have this much HATE, and it’s ultimately my HATE that keeps me from Succeeding in Skool, Career, Women, and Life.

* So I suppose the goal is….. BECOME A NORMALFAG. A Happy, Healthy, Handholding, Gurlfran-having Normalfag, who is able to Set Skool and Career and Relship Goals and Reach Them without raging out or giving up.