SPANK THEM, GROUND THEM, TAKE AWAY THEIR PHONE, AND SPANK THEM AGAIN

may 31 2017

https://bbs.dailystormer.com/t/the-ugly-truth-about-single-motherhood/110044/

yep nothign to add here, soon enough this blog will just be me posting links to DS BBS threads that hopefully dont get ovened but prob will

http://archive.is/A0XWF

same thread, archive of hahahahaha

pretty soon i will be banned from archive.is hahahaha

my struggle today, mein KAMPF if you will HAHAHAHAHAHA, was i was eavesdropping on another colleague today and they were talking about their daughter, a 23ish year old nurse who had just BOUGHT a home and they were all happy. close to their nursing job, making decent money. shit i thought young nurses were supposed to work 100 hours a week and not be able to enjoy their lives. might as well live with your family and pay back your student loans because youre gonna be workign too much at a VERY stressful job to enjoy living in a house you’re paying too much for.

and then i was jelly of the 23 year old gurl who had made better life decisions than me and was able to enjoy a good life.

the mother might have said something about her breaking up with her BF but she is a VERY high energy woman who talks very very very fast.  how can a 60 year old woman have that much energy?

then i thought, oh just throw away your BF, you’ll find a new better one, workign around all those DOCTORS.

then i thought, these women treat MEN like the men are so REPLACEABLE, and for all intents and purposes, they ARE! because they find a replacement and forget about them!

i know these men arent replaceable! I wish these WOMEN were replaceable! I wish we men could replace those women as easily as they replace us! we men arent replaceable!

but even honestly those women arent replaceable either. this womans daughter is the product of 23 years of parenting, tens of thousands of dollars and hours of time, much struggling and suffering and growth and achievement.

i dont want to talk too much shit because i like the mother, who is VERY VERY VERY nice to me, and I APPRECIATE that!!!! and also I think the father died tragically. not the type of thing you can talk about casually hahahaha.

but as a 23 year old nurse she can find a handsome doctor pretty easily. what about the BF she dumped?

That Woman in my life has replaced and forgotten about me LONG ago. I wish I had replaced, upgraded, and forgotten about HER, LONG ago too.

and im mad that an amoral 23 year old gurl can achieve more in her short life than i have in my much longer life! be more successful THEN than i am NOW! jsut because she made good education and career choices; and had good interview skills; and is able to throw people away like garbage hahaha; and is not totally destroyed by the passing of her father, driven to whoring and drugs and degeneracy. that she can be TOUGH and do the TOUGH JOB of a nurse. and have enough energy at the end of a long day/week to think about buying a house. that a 23 year old can make enough money to buy a house. a WOMAN.

so that was my trigger.

my other colleague has childen just about to go to college, or in the middle of college, so thats triggering too hahaha.

these kids succeeding right at the age i was failing bigly.

its much much much better to peak at 22 than peak at 18! in other words, much better to peak when you are Entering Grad Skool, than when you are Leaving High School!

because most likely, you’ll CONTINUE to rise to your peak AFTER grad school if you are already doing WELL when you start it. and then hit your life peak in mid-career by like age 49 hahahaha, making 150k a year, giving Plenary Addresses at Conferences and doing 10 Skype Meetings a day.  Have nice shoes and a wife who isnt a fat slob hahaha. and kids who arent loser white trash.

yes, but do you care if your daughter dates nonwhites, or she’ll just do what she wants?

i do not know the intimate details of how the man manages his 18 yo daughters Luv Life.  Maybe she fooks middle class arabs and pakis for all I know. I can’t imagine the father would be happy about that, but i just dont have enough info.

the father seems to me like a good guy, who would use the Iron Fist to guide his children down the Right Path in life, without being overly helicoptery, but also not afraid to put his foot down and say NOT UNDER MY ROOF. YOURE GROUNDED. GET YOUR ASS OUT OF BED. GET A JOB. GET A STEM INTERNSHIP OR IM PULLING YOU OUT OF COLLEGE and you will come home and work construction and pay me rent to live at home. and for muh daughter, no dating nonwhites, no dating at all unless I am chaperoning you. you are gonna be a virgin on your wedding night and your husband will be a responsible, successful white boy.

will he be a hardass to his son but let his daughter walk all over him?

i just can’t say. these are VERY PERSONAL questions to ask a man!

I have hinted, good for you for busting your son’s ass. he will appreciate it when he’s 25 and is making 50+ grand a year and never has to move back home because he can’t make more than 20 grand at age 30! because he’s done 30 interviews and still cant get a 20 grand a year job!

no! because he’ll be doing a 50 grand engineering career! by age 25! 24, 23 even if he doesnt do a masters degree! and theres prob a 50% chance he wont! why does everyone have to do a masters degree?????

because you want to make 50+ grand and HAVE A WIFE AND FAMILY AND A HOME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

THATS WHY YOU HAVE TO HAVE A MASTERS DEGREE!!!!!!!!

but when i was 21, i was very degen. i was like i NEVER want to have kids, kids are DEATH, then you cant bang SLUTS the rest of your life.

well sure you can hahahaha. also even when i was 21 i kinda wanted a WIFE. and if i got a wife, she prob could have convinced me to have KIDS. but i sure couldnt GET a wife hehehehe.

had dream last night where i was in a college dorm full of young people (common dream location) and i had gotten a delivery of a large box that i guess i was trying to order painkillers or something. and it had stamped right on the box a bunch of stamps an stickers like the painkillers chemical name and customs and postal inspector and you are being watched and you are going to be arrested and there is a warrant out for your arrest for ordering these illegal drugs illegally thru the mail, prepare to get arrested very soon scumbag. and i was like oh shit couldnt they have packed it with a little more STEALTH? wtf am i gonna DO??!?!?!?! and I ran out of the room and snuck out of the building. i did not get arrested.

kind of a weird dream but maybe that was me telling myself never to order anything SHADY off the INTERNET. DAMN. but i kind of want those shady things!

are there ANY fascist, National Socialist, Hwyte Supremists who DONT condemn MJ? I think I might be the only one. And I still condemn it. I just sort of accept that I want to do it, and I will keep it secret from most people.

june 1

beautiful day. need to do some serious 52 minute powerwalk out there today.

had ridiculous dream last night where i was going to a stripper. “she” had a hot young body but the head of a….35 year old beta male with balding hair and scruffy beard. maybe like a more italian-looking version of myself hahahahahaha. the stripper did super degenerate dancing including dildoing herself to Gushing Orgasms. “she” had a few dedicated fans who didnt mind her weird head. i dont know how i was one of them. “she” whined and tried to get me to do capn save a ho with this bad russian men who were after her. turned out she owed tons of money to russian gangsters. of courshe.wav.

we were whisked off to a huge facility where, among many other industrial and production operations, the russians used a machine saw to cut off bitches heads, drop the heads in a box, and have a camera attached the heads that would videotape the whole thing, from the POV of the person who is being beheaded. then i think the bodies were cut up further. this was horrifying and nightmarish.

just another standard dream!

got the edgar steele book today. defensive racism. havent even looked at it yet. i hope it talks a lot about JOOZ but i suspect it will talk about The Blacks a lot more.

supposedly steele got SET UP and wasnt REALLY conspiring to kill his wife. i hope this is true.

well maybe she was a huge cvnt hahahahaha.

then spank her, ground her, take away her phone, and continue to spank her every day until she changes her attitude hehehehe.

this is how adult women need to be and WANT to be treated.

this is a normal, healthy, mature woman. accept it or die foreveralone virgin and childless!

so from like 16-21 women date/fook men around their own age. at age 22 when they are supposed to start being career adults, they start dating men 10+ years older.

so i guess men who are 22-30 are supposed to date 16 year olds hahahahahahaha.

i dunno. i should just get a damn hooker already hehehe. even though all i want is a nice young woman to cuddle with. but that is rare and valuable as hell.  “all i want”, “just a nice woman to cuddle with”, like thats such a SMALL request. hell no thats a 600000000000000000000 times bigger request than wanting some skank to bang.

ok went for 52 min pwalk, finished chap 10 of MK, which is a VERY long chapter. got kind of boring in parts. some talk on the JQ. chap 11 is another long chapter called “nation and race” which I hope will have a LOT of talk on the JQ. at any rate, I agree with every word AH says hahahaha.

he is the greatest, wisest man who ever lived hahaha.

but things are SO much worse than they were 100 years ago when he was describing. what would he say about gays, and oh god feminism and the women. the women alone are 600000000000000000000000000x worse. he might have been driven to Drink by Today’s Women! the single mother homes, the feminism, the sluts, the career women, feminism, pornography, the gays, the trannies, and THEN all the racial diversity on top of that! if he was annoyed by czechs and poles, imagine how he would feel about even LARGER numbers of browns! violent negros! violent arabs! indolent mexicans! turks! asians! indians!

and oh god i bet he never even saw one single MUDSHARK. the only mudsharks that existed were syphilitic whores in berlin and vienna, simply taking paying customers.

AH would have been SO TRIGGERED by the extreme degeneracy today, which makes weimar germany look like……ideal aryan wheat field thousand year reich deutschland uber alles.

the degeneracy is WORSE, so we need someone TOUGHER than AH!!! WOW!!!

AH is gonna look like MICKEY MOUSE compared to the hero we need NOW!

anyway it just sucks that That Woman was REALLY the BEST woman I could find. I really really wish I could find a better woman. because how bad is it when the best woman you ever met dumped you and broke your heart and you never get over it hahahaha. kinda sucks.

she was a decent woman tho, and i was too weak to manage her properly. to do MY job. put her in her place and tell her what to do.

https://bbs.dailystormer.com/t/greg-johnson-s-attacks-and-how-to-deal-with-them/110436/

oh come on. wtf is going on NOW.

well it is disappointing that Greg never shows his face. I dont know how he hasnt been doxed. would it really be the end of the world if he were doxed? assuming greg johnson is not his real name. it might be!

i know he had a beef with richard spencer and hunter wallace and i never quite understood that. i cant recall what hes said about anglin. ive never seen a discussion between anglin and GJ.

so in other words, its possible greg might be a Drama Queen, and thats not a good way to be. im not gonna throw him under the bus but he really shouldnt throw other good people under the bus. him and heimbach feuding especially sucks.

and i dont like people bitching about greg. but if he does cause drama and bitch about others….doesnt he deserve it? i mean he shouldnt just get away with petty shit. if he’s done stupid shit he should apologize.

this is what i like about anglin. he rises above all drama or at least most of it. he never says anything remotely bad about other people. i am kidna the same way. when it comes to movement people of course hahahaha.

cuz i hate infighting and drama like this!

but what if its warranted? like its not GOOD for greg to talk shit! and its not GOOD for enoch to be so Circumspect about his wife!

at some point, whether you like it or not, you become a LEADER, and leaders need to SET AN EXAMPLE! sure we can be FORGIVING of them! but to say they are ABOVE THE LAW is too much. LEADERS SHOULD SET AN EXAMPLE.

and when you have thousands of people reading you, writing to you, giving MONEY to you….you’ve become a leader, whether you like it or not, and should show a sense of responsibility to that role.

like i would never say “its him or me.”

so i would tolerate Gays and Joo Fookers?

a PHAG ENABLER! JOO ENABLER! CORRUPTION SPIRALER! TRAITOR!

lets just all join with AA and the DS because he’s got probably the best thing going and his own personal integrity is super high. and he gets along fairly well with people. if anyone has a problem with AA….that’s THEIR problem. he never STARTS shit, he never holds grudges. I respect that a lot.

I mean if I were Greg I would be Reaching Out to AA saying how can I work with you, DS is great and you’re reaching more peopel than I am. so let me partner up with you, support you, you get the full support of counter currents. and there hasn’t been that kind of outreach.

i mean sure maybe greg is jealous of the YOUNGER guy who has ultimately been MORE successful. hehehehe i might be jealous too! i am everyday jealous of young men who are more successful than me!

i would hope i could put aside that jealousy in the service of our RACE.

i mean greg is on real good terms with MW. who is also on good terms with spencer. i HOPE greg does not say “him or me!” to MW!

Heh i left a comment for MW encouraging him to do an interview with anglin or weev. that would be AWESOME but i dont think he will.

unfort if greg really is a gay, that would make sense him being a bitchly, womanly drama queen. believe me im not happy about any of this. greg was one of THE FIRST red pill, JQ, “alt right” people for me. I was reading him in 2012 before alt right even existed. maybe even 2011. before DS, before TRS.

then these newcomers came along and kinda overshadowed greg. not because they do Better work…..but they might Tap The Vein even better. finger on the pulse. really be in touch with the zeitgeist hehehehe. and greg could choose to be friendly with them…………..or not. and have his own little isolated world. kinda sad because greg is BRILLIANT. and it would BEHOOVE him to work better with other people.

he would be more successful hehehehe. like anglin.

https://bbs.dailystormer.com/t/possible-wives-from-south-africa/110020/

this is not a bad idea. OP is a top tier poster on DS, one of my favs, and one of the few who puts MGTOW in a good perspective, wants to build bridges between MGTOW and VVN and makes a very good case for it. he obv understands the WQ all too well. but he is not Consumed by Hate like some of th epeople on the BBS who just flame and insult each other back and forth. stupid as shit.

 

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ITS NOT WORF IT

nov 26

yeah you know what now i have a damn desire to play that ff6 gaym. even though its not AWESOME. its merely PLAYABLE.

like a BOSS I just shaved for the very first time with an Old Fashioned Safety Razor. I was ECSTATIC. it was DELIGHTFUL.

https://www.walmart.com/ip/Van-Der-Hagen-Traditional-Heavy-Duty-Razor-6-pc/37482632?action=product_interest

so yeah not a top shelf MERKUR(R) razor, but tbh I am completely satisfied, expectations exceeded even.

every surprise was a pleasant surprise. i thought i would butcher muh face with it. i absolutely did not, even wielding the blade someway carelessly.

i guess you have to use somewhat shorter strokes because it gets less with each swipe, but thats not a big deal at all. takes a little longer. not super duper FAST.

but it did not leave muh neckbeard all red and irritated like if i were using the normal electric razor.

i guess to keep it working well i will have to change the blades regularly hahahaha, which is not something i am likely to do hahahaha.

but yeah overall, 10/10, highly recommended, great pleasurable activity. i did not even use fancy Shaving Butter or Mug stuff, just some old ass shaving cream that was almost spent.

started reading DBT book, it was ok. it starts out recommending Radical Acceptance, which is you basically saying it is what it is. accepting that whatever bad shit has happened. dont blame. blaming them or blaming yourself doesnt help you manage the suffering. keeps you suffering longer.

well i was already ok at this. i accepted what happened. didnt mean i had to respect it. this is why I say, ACCEPT IT, DONT RESPECT IT, when some fool tells you to “RESPECT HER DECISION.” fook NO you dont have to RESPECT it. you can say this is SHITTY AS FOOK. but you can still ACCEPT it. like yes that happened. i will try not to blame her or myself too much.

this event is the result of OVER A MILLION prior decisions. This even HAD to happen. hehehehe. you basically observe the painful event and say yeah this painful event happened and i dont have to like it hahahaha.

then yu DISTRACT yourself from the event to keep your emotions from running too high. distract but don’t avoid.

the book gives you a list of 100 pleasurable activities. some of the shit is bona fide DEGEN, like “masturbate” or “have secs with someone you like” the latter of which is not NECESS degen, but I snorted and scoffed at the NONNEVERGF PRIVILEGE on full display here!

i mean MAYBE I should have saved and spend more money on the fanciest fooking razor in the world, instead of paying 16 dollars for a razor made in CHINA, spend 30 dollars on an actual merkur razor made in GERMANY…..and if i ever get tired of this Chinee Razor, I will do just that.

i dunno. i just like holding and looking at the razor. best present to self ever. a true alt right pro white razor hahaha. this is how richard spencer shaves hahaha. again shaving is degenerate, jooish, and pedophilic hahahaha but when you have to shave your face to have the privilege of slaving for joos, and be a semiproud white working man, you should use a masculine, classic, traditional, stainless steel / chrome Safety Razor.

i think if you use a STRAIGHT razor, thats where you can really cut yourself.

they call this thing a SAFETY razor because it has a little metal strip under the blade so you dont stab or gouge yourself. normal mach 3 razors have these too hehehe. only they are made of plastic or a gay “lubricating strip.”

its ridiculous how much i like this stupid RAZOR hahahaha. i mean i have been thinking of getting one for MONTHS and now that i went and got one i am very very very happy with it hehehe. i cant explain it but I am thankful for it. will bask in the good vibes hahaha. so if you have something like this, something simple and not horribly expensive, then Treat Yourself to a little present. note i am not talking about big ticket purchases. dont spend money you dont have on a CAR or buy a 5000 dollar TV, TVs are almost always a bad idea, plus TV is degen jooish poison. clothes can be nice, but a lot of clothes are SUPER overpriced. hard to find a good deal on good clothes. just go to walmart.

also this final fantasy 6 game is sucking me in more and more. using a walkthrough to help me hahahaha

http://www.gamefaqs.com/snes/554041-final-fantasy-iii/faqs/73586?single=1

now this guy is autistic. well thats not fair to say. he writes with pure luv for the game.

nov 27

yep interview early tomorrow morning. dont even want the job. if on a 1/28 chance  (3.5%) i am offered the job, i prob WOULDNT take it, even though it is full time.

because its much further away, the pay is prob about the same per hour (11-12 an hour) and theres no benefits and no guarantee of hours. plus i sort of know the people in the “new job” i am going to and the ones i dont really know seem nice, plus i like the relaxed pace of the whole organization hahaha.

hmmm yep i am officially on board this damn ff6. might as well enjoy it. be thankful for it. use it to distract myself from negative thoughts of how all women are evil whores and how i will never make more than 13k a year and never become a husband and father hahahahhaa.

nov 27

was so in luv with new chinee van der hagen razor i used it again today with fresh barbasol shaving cream. i dont know how long the blades last. avoiding preparing for stupid interview at 830 am tomorrow, monday. got to get up at 545 am noooooo. also want to do 2 errands in addition to that.

hey shit why should they tell me the job only pays 11 dollars an hour. why tell me ANYTHING. just let me dig and show intiative by trying to find out. heh. referring to job int tomorrow morning. 830 am. get up at 530 hahaha. prepped for interview a bit. printed out shit. found out awards the hospital won, some basic info, 2015 revenue, number of employees, ceo name, oh i see you have gotten a new supply chain director can you tell me how that will impact the procurement in this department, when the average employee in the department is a GED black who gets hired without knowing what the word procurement means hahahahaha.  not that i really know what it means. it related to buying and purchasing.

i dunno. normies arent stupid but they arent hella smart either. they arent constantly SELLING shit and EXPLAINING shit and having to CHARM and SELL and CONVINCE and ARGUE like a goddamn snake oil salesman 24 7. theyre just not that CHARMING. shit at this point, I am more charming than them.

so many average, perfectly average, 100 IQ, 90 IQ people have adult jobs and make 26k a year and have houses and gfs and wives and children and families.

well we already determined i only have 105 IQ, so im not as smart as i think i am. i am not an intellectual. but i am not a doer or a man of action either! usually when you are dumber like this, you have more courage, more energy, less anxiety, are happier, a better worker, not as neurotic. so i got the worst of both worlds. super intelligent, 130 IQ people might be anxious and cowardly, but they can usually make like 50k a year with their Big Brains On Bret.

nov 28

sheeeeet got up at 530, interview at 830, it went ok, i sorta sailed through it, they wanted to move quickly i sensed, but they were nice about it. i mean even if they offer the job i will refuse it hahahaha. there was a very pretty 25 year old HR gurl, surprised I didnt lose my shit there.

i reined myself in from giving super long rambling answers. just kept it short. showed that i learned about the company, rattled off a few figures and numbers and awards.

i would be actually kinda pissed to actually get an offer here, like damn why could i perform well for this job but not one of the ones i REALLY wanted?

is it possible that i went down to a 32 waist? I mean its not unheard of. back in the day i used to be. a very very long time ago. i barely remember it. then i was like ahhhhhh 34 is much more comfortable. then it was hmm these 34s are getting a little snug, ahhhhhhhh this 36 is much better hahahahahahaha.

i was thinking that if you got a h00ker, she would PROBABLY know how to get you drvgs too. so are all h00kers drvg dealers? that seems a little much.  but i would def say that all h00kers KNOW drug dealers because all h00kers are drvg ADDICTS hahahahahahaha. so you could PROBABLY pay a hooker not only for secs, but for the service of Procurement of drvgs hahahaha.

maybe the h00ker has a medical MJ card. you pay the hooker to go to the dispensary and buy you whatever. you can even drive her there. i don’t know if you will be allowed to go in though.

sheeeeeeit this goddamn hospital job is contacting muh references. the one reference i am most friendly with just emailed me and forwarded me the think that the hospital emailed to them.

i quickly emailed back and said thank you thank you, well nows a good time to tell you, but i am coming back to your/our organization for muh new job, and would probably turn down this hospital job. it just figures THEY would check my references. and not any of the OTHER jobs I really wanted. anything to make MY decision harder. because i will be turning down an Essentially Full Time Job for a damn Part Time job.

took some nyquil and now it is kicking in hehe.

sheeeeit. then they will contact my OTHER reference, who actually works RIGHT NOW in the department I will be working in. worst case scenario they will tell the boss i am still out there interviewing and the boss will revoke muh offer, after i refuse the offer from the hospital hahahaha and then am back with no job, after getting offered 2 jobs hahahaha. when if i DIDNT have this skool job, THEN i would take the hospital offer.

this is classic negative thinking. most likely she will say nothing and i will mention it when i see her, like oh did the hospital call you, yeah that was an interview i had scheduled before i got this offer, but i didnt want to cancel the hospital interview, just so i could get more practice. i honestly didnt think they’d like me, i REALLY didnt think they’d call references, I REALLY REALLY REALLY didnt think theyd give me an offer. I did 27 interviews and only got 1 offer. its stupid that I do 28 interviews and get 2 offers. no gambler would gamble on those odds.  when you are used to interviewing and nothing happening as I am, you start to think interviews dont really matter.

unbelievable. 27 interviews to get one offer, then get a second offer on the 28th hahahaha. well thats not true. never forget that i was offered the post office job. city carrier assistant. but i turned that down because i was too big of a soft sissy pvssy hahahaha who wasnt willing to WORK HARD. but i dont tell anybody about this one, this is my big secret hahaha. because people would say WHY DIDNT YOU TAKE THAT JOB MONTHS AGO and i cant just say because mel carriere wrote some very persuasive articles on the internet hahaaha. they ARE very well writtten articles!

so am i making a HUGE MISTAKE by turning down this hospital job in favor of the skool job?

do i really think i made a HUGE MISTAKE turning down the post office job?

well not REALLY but i BARELY survived until I got another job offer.

if i had not gotten that skool job offer i would definitely not turn down the hospital job. which is nowhere near as scary as the post office job.

heh trying to download ff12 ps2 gaym. how fast or slow will this gaym play. if at all. that was a great game for a newer game. it really was.

maybe i made a big mistake by picking one job over the other.

hehehe. well at least they arent WOMEN. ill get over picking one job over the other hehe. but if i had to choose between two women……i mean shit. usually you dont have a CHOICE. you just get rejected and rejected. until the ONE time you get a YES……you get TWO yeses. JEEZUM CROW.

heh. wish i had just CANCELLED this interview the moment i got the other job offer hehehe.

i have known to be super regretful of mistakes i made, for years, of things i didnt do hahahahaha.

again. that is not regarding a job! i am not super regretful i didnt take the post office job. i am not super regretful i did not accept the americorps offer in 2006/7, even though that would have drastically changed my life, probably for the better.

do i regret taking the new job in late 2013? kind of, yes. i regret saying YES to that, more than i regret saying NO to other shit hahahaha.

so anyway this will basically be my time machine back to 2013. except i will be 3 years old. last 3 years, totally wasted hahahahaha. 1.5 years working horrible job, 1.5 years being horribly jobless. during that 3 years, i was Just Friends with That Woman for about 10 or 11 months, I was hopeless in luv for about 9 months, and then Heartbroken and Finished for like 16 months hahahahaha. out of those 36 months of stupid pointless abortive bullshit.

well at least i know not to leave my job for another job LIKE THAT. taught me a lesson about FIT. similar reason as to why i rejected the post office job.

that was a big problem. when i got the job in 2013, i didnt do ANY damn research on it. i didnt say, IS THIS A CALL CENTER? do i think it might be difficult workign in a call center?

well maybe i did, maybe i wanted to challenge myself, plus she will be there to help me.

i think i saw it as growing out of my comfort zone and challenging myself……which is GOOD. and it was GOOD to be able to meet that challenge. to prove it to myself.

so i did better than expected! I actually GREW and IMPROVED in life! GAINED SKILLS!

but then it all came crashing down later.

nov 29

i feel like a WOMAN, having big decisions to make and doing it all based on whimsical EMOTION hahaha. and makign big mistakes in the process: saying yes to the bad and saying no to the good hahahaha.

yeah but really. its not that cut and dry with this job situation. i am blowing it out of proportion. as i tend to do. its not like this skool job is a BAD thing. i just have to remember to not stay too long hahahaha. but i have a tendency to do that too. distract myself “TAKING CLASSES” that go nowhere and then BOOM 3 years gone.

so if i take classes again, take classes that DO go somewhere. ie a definite program with a definite certificate or end date.

again as muh DBT book would say, i am living in the future and not the present moment hahahaha.

using a TIME MACHINE to spend way too much time worrying about the FUTURE or regretting the PAST. yes i do both these things a lot.

i would say, dont worry about having huge regrets about jobs you didnt take. jobs are jobs. instead, have regrets about PEOPLE who you did wrong, left in the lurch, betrayed, cheated on, insulted, hurt, etc.

PEOPLE ARE MORE IMPORTANT THAN JOBS.

i might DISAPPOINT people but I never HURT people.

heh. i would rather people felt sorry for me than hate me. i dont want to hurt people or do them WRONG.

i never want to break a persons heart hahahaha. and i have succeeded in that goal.

i mean i guess i could have broken muh familys heart by being such a huge failure at life, but i dont think i did hahahaha. which i guess is good?

i couldnt imagine breaking somebodys heart! yet MOST women have broken SEVERAL hearts starting from a young age! if i HAD to break somebodys heart, i would damn sure do everything humanly possible to Soften The Blow. NOT do ABSOLUTELY NOTHING. I would made a DAMN good faith effort to Soften The Blow. Not Nothing. hehehehe.

once TRVMP gets in there and DRAINS THE SWAMP things are gonna be good hahahahhahaha.

make american great again, make women good again, make america huhwhyte again hahahaha.

so yeah women dont have a REAL appreciation of how babies are made hahaha.

was watching a clip of Teen Moms hahaha where the baby daddy was fighting with the baby momma about how she will Open Her Legs for Any Man, thats how [our baby] came about. Don’t you know thats how babies are made? do you want more babies? dont you RESPECT HOW BABIES ARE MADE? you dont have any respect for ME, you dont have any respect for how babies are made, yet you claim to luvvvvvvv our baby, how can I believe that after you threw me away and now you’re pregnant again by this thuggish guy you just met on tinder?

all very very good points hahahaha.

if you REALLY luv your little bundle of joy, DONT go around repeating the Life Creation Process that led to this special beautiful little person, with just ANY RANDOM MAN!!!!!! dont you see the disconnect there? choose a man who is as special as that little baby!

SHAME THESE SLUTS!!!!!

and i say all this because I worry that That Woman is going out and Enjoying Her Life meeting and Fooking men from Tinder.

but that’s her right!

YES, its her right, but that doesnt mean i have to LIKE it!

the related issue is that I dont WANT to care about this, i dont even want to THINK about this!

last night I had some kind of horrible terrifying nightmare while I was in the depths of a nyquil sleep, so it was very very hard to pull myself out of. but thankfully I cant remember any details of it because of the deep nyquil sleep. I also had a dream i remember a little better where i was being Bullied by my roommates, when they used to be nice to me. now they had done a 180 and it was very frustrating.

right after TRVMP won I think they tried to Tame His Twitter. but then soon after that, you could clearly tell which tweets he was writing, vs the softened ones his team was writing. i am glad he still writes his own controversial tweets.

did you know theres no label to click “starred” that lets you view all your gmail Starred emails, like there is with the “important” emails? theres really no difference between starred and important.  you can click on important and show important. but to show all starred, you have to type “is:starred”. this is very easy, and indeed you can just type “star” and it will give you the option is:starred, but its the principle of the matter. “starred” should be on that clickable list to the left.

on first day of job i will bring 1 dozen donuts. will also bring a large folgers coffee container and say this is for everybody, i know its pretty middle tier coffee but it is what it is, I’ll drink it at least. if they say they dont have a coffee maker, then i will buy a cheapo one for 20$ from walmart. if they say great we luv coffee and already have a coffee maker, i will assertively set up a rotation to buy coffee not greater in proportion than the amount of Community Coffee I consume hahahaha.

if they bitch at me for giving them free coffee thats not fancy enough, ill bantz them right back and be like, well pay me 30 dollars an hour like YOU make! as long as im buying the coffee, you drink 11 dollar an hour coffee like the plebs! you drink 13k a year coffee, not 60k a year coffee hahaha. you make 4 times more than i do, my coffee will be 4 times cheaper than yours.

well ok its crimmus, i’ll buy nice coffee just this once.

cuz i was thinking of treating myself by buying Fancy Organic Coffee for crimmus.

maybe I should buy a ton of pens, post it notes, and little notepads hahahahaha. and some Reams of Paper. so the department doesnt have to cut into their budget to buy Office Supplies hahahahaha.

THATS how you Bribe people ethically hahahaha. really ADD VALUE and SAVE MONEY. i mean teachers buy school supplies for their students. and stuff like kleenex because theres no room in the budget for stuff like that. because all the money goes to pensions of teachers who retired at age 50 hahahahahahaha.

now it takes till age 35 of subbing like a bitch before you can even GET a full time teaching job hahaha. gotta PAY YOUR DUES.

anyway. i touched on some VERY IMPORTANT ideas yesterday that I amazingly dont examine too much: that time in november & december 2013 when i left muh old job and started muh new job, a process which heavily involved That Woman and did not involve nearly as much deep careful thought as muh current job search.

now i DID manage to Grow and Improve beyond my Comfort Zone. but the downside i was in a much more stressful situation which also led me to have a Snapping Breakdown. i did learn legit good great things….but IT WASNT WORF IT. it was a net negative.

i Just Went With The Flow because it was EASY, I did have to do anything but go along with my female friend, who was essentially presenting this new job to me. I KNEW that I needed to move on from muh current job at the time, because it wasnt a real job, and i was getting complacent, i needed a Kick In The Pants, and I figured this was it.

But it WAS! I wasnt wrong about that. I JUST WISH I had tried harder to get Other Jobs Elsewhere. like i wasnt trying really hard at all. I didnt have a good Packet. I wasnt even really DOING a job search, just applying here and there, very few and far between.

i also didnt want to talk myself out of it, because I knew i NEEDED a kick in the pants.

so i guess i tried to be willfully ignorant of the idea that it was a Call Center, because I figured rightly that that would give me cold feet.

yeah i needed kick in the pants, yeah i needed to be pushed out of comfort zone, yeah i couldnt have known exactly how bad Call Centers Are….i dunno. this was a confusing time too. you dont know whether you should listen to your gut, because your gut has been wrong before, or at least not terribly RIGHT. your gut has kept you stuck in a rut.

so yeah i cant even say trust your gut. and i wish i could trust it! well i can trust it to keep me SAFE in the comfort zone. but it DOES keep me from taking the RISKS you need to take to change and grow. because those same risks can lead to pain and suffering and great great loss hahahaha. losing literally YEARS of your life.

shit if i had listened to my gut i would have saved three years of my life on this one hahahaha.

but at the time i figured i needed kick in the pants, and also that this was a sign from GOD that he put my female friend in my life to help get me a new job, which i really needed. and I really needed a female friend too!

too bad both things turned out to be really shitty hahahaha.  a real shit elephant.

no i am not butthurt at GOD, THAT much. although I do wonder WHY exactly did I HAVE to learn this stupid lesson? IT WASNT WORF IT.

(is this brad dourif on this old episode of tj hooker playing an absolutely insane demon possessed madman? is that literally the only role he ever plays? hahahaha. it kinda looks like him but im not sure its him. ok im thinking its not him. it just looks like him and is totally a character he would play. also now i am seeing that brad dourif sorta looks like stefan molyneux hahahahahaha. EPISODE#: 1.2 “The Streets” AIRDATE: 03.20.82   Gary Frank  as”Arlen Williams” ok case closed its not brad dourif. source http://www.tj-hooker.com/episodes/episodepages/1-2.html )

yeah the lesson wasnt WORF it. tell your female friends RIGHT AWAY when you fall in luv with them. dont ever take a job in a call center. i lost 3 fookin years of my life just to learn those lessons? WASNT WORF IT!

so yeah i dont REALLY REGRET taking that job, leaving my old job. I dont like throwing 3 years away for nothing, but I can also totally understand why I did what I did. It was a tough choice that could have gone either way, and i have very solid reasons for choosing what i did. I had no way of knowing it would turn out as bad as it did!

but yeah things would have been a lot better if i just stayed where i was hahahahahaha. great lesson. never take risks so you might grow, because you might also fall behind hahahaha.

so yeah. i guess it really wouldnt pay off to examine this period of time. because it would have been NICE if i had acted differently, but i can TOTALLY see why i did what i did, and i dont REALLY regret it, but I am kinda regretful of the Possible Brighter Future I could have had, if i stayed. but i dont know that! maybe horrible shit would have happened then!

like what? lose muh job and lose muh luv? I just cant see things happening nearly as bad. I prob would have grown apart naturally from That Woman and NEVER fallen in luv with her. Or maybe I would have realized at that time that i was in luv with her. but at least i wouldnt be working with her at a godawful ticking time bomb of a job! and she prob would have rejected me nicer! and i would still have an easy job to work at!

so yeah, i dont think things could have gotten worse, unless i started drinking again and stalked her or something. but if i didnt do that NOW, when things were horrible, i wouldnt do them THEN, when things would have been a lot better.

so yeah, i pretty much DO know that things would have been better hahahahahaha.

but i also had no way of knowing things would turn out THIS bad. i didnt think they would!!!!!

so yeah a bit of a nagging feeling, but not quite a Big Life Regret, that if i had stayed, muh life would have been a lot better hahaha.  in terms of not Incurring Yuge Pain and Prolonged Suffering hahahaha.

i mean i DID grow in important ways. i learned how to deal with people better. well, in terms of handling ridiculous situations and bullshitting with customers who needed to be CONVINCED of shit. was not good at dealing with Women hhehehehe. or Stressful Situations hahaha. but some things i did get better at dealing with. and I also got a LOT better at Job Searching and Interviewing!!! that might not have been worth it, but it WAS very valuable.

i uhhh also lost a LOT of weight, like 20% of muh body weight, so that is kinda a big deal. nothing to sneeze at.

became a job searching, interviewing machine, taking rejection after rejection after rejection after rejection after rejection after rejection after rejection after rejection after rejection after rejection after rejection after rejection after rejection after rejection after rejection after rejection after rejection after rejection after rejection after rejection after rejection for months and months and months. It was starting to get pretty discouraging though!

hehehe. my nice reference who emailed me yesterday with what they wrote to the hospital, i thanked them immediately of course, AND THEN I TOOK a few choice sentences that they wrote yesterday, AND ADDED THEM INTO the recommendation letter that they wrote for me over 3 years ago which I use today in The Packet. Making that recommendation letter even MORE glowing.

if you have the chance to do that, do that. its kinda dishonest but I KNOW the person would not mind. I am not putting words in their mouth, simply taking two things they said at two different times, for the same purpose, and combining them into one letter.

HOW TO JOB SEARCH

Nov 19 2016

so when i need to start doing it again in no longer than 9 months, i can jump right back into it.

– uhhh go to indeed and change all the best alerts to “daily” and or unpause them. i dont think i really DELETED anything.
– use The Packet but make sure res, CL, are updated with New Experience. IDEALLY would have some new reference letters and reference phone numbers as well.
– update linkedin
– update indeedresume
– get some new people to write LINKEDIN recs, ie that get posted on linkedin site
– use the jop app minutes spreadsheet which captures all the important information.
– early apps might take longer because they involve rewriting documents and stuff. thats ok, count those minutes, and then the average will come down in the long run to like 14 minutes.
– its ok to take longer than 14 minutes to make a really good application
– put all the stuff called for in the spreadsheet
– study cases and calls at new job
– WRITE DOWN WORK STORIES THE DAY THAT THEY HAPPEN
– have a book of the Top Ten Work Stories
– can embellish or change those to make myself into the hero. important thing is that i write them down as soon as they happen, and make them as DETAILED as possible.
– 14 words hahahaha
– have To Do Jobs Bookmark Folder
– RENAME bookmarks as you set them, with “cl 11/20, 26k, any other info that doesnt appear in actual title”. this way you can easily see and arrange the bookmarks in order of date they close. if no date given, assume 7 days. or earlier, depending on how desireable the job seems. at some point every day or few days, arrange the new bookmarks into order.
– move completed bookmarks to COMPLETED folder. folders of bookmarks is the idea here. very powerful.
– then have easy links to job postings can put in job apps spreadsheet
– when in doubt, add a bookmark, dont HAVE to apply for it.
– set DAILY alerts on indeed for top companies, so can get emails as SOON as they are posted

yeah i mean The Packet is about as sophisticated and powerful as its gonna get. just never delete all copies of it. hahahaha. look for most recent version in google drive / job work related. hard to miss. then update it.

the getting detailed AND epic AND heroic WORK STORIES is the other very important thing to remember. write them down the day of, get as many little details as possible, can always edit later.

WRITE DOWN WORK STORIES ASAP
WORK STORIES
WORK STORIES
DETAILS DETAILS DETAILS
EPIC HEROIC MIRACULOUS.

Im not sure I shared this thing with yall yet. this was an evernote note I wrote for myself so that I wouldnt forget how to job search, for when I NEED to push myself to start job searching again in 6 to 9 months. wrote it shortly after I got The Offer and put muh job search on Pause. anyway there is some good stuff in there.

DAMN DIRTY NONNEVERGF NEVERGAPS

nov 15 2016

hmmmm interesting. received an HR authorization for background/reference check, mentioned “onboarding.” my poor, mistaken, confused judgment tells me they wouldnt do this unless they were planning to offer me the job. at large school, part time job, 25 hours a week, 11 dollars an hour. yeah kinda piss weak but i got excited nonetheless because its something and because i like the place. they wanted me to sign this pdf and to send copy of drivers license. i did.

so yeah what i CAN say is this is a GOOD SIGN which SUGGESTS an offer, and is definitely a step in the direction of an offer. uhhh lets say 50 50 hahahahaha.

and even though its a “piss weak” job, i got a surge of confidence thinking about actually getting the job.

i mean that would be a huge thing. even if its terrible pay, its good people and stress free. essentially i would be getting back to my sweet power level at age 26 hahahahahaha.

have a low stress job, work with some nice people i already KNOW, try to get rec letter and reference from Respected Leader, move into FT job at the skool ideally.

i mean i am fairly more ambitious and mature than i was at 26 hahahaha. now that i am living for the 14 words hahahaha.

heh. you say please confirm receipt and of course they dont. you have to “interpret the directives” of the shitty manager but you cant even deduce “please confirm receipt” means “send me an email back just saying yeah i got this.”

i was in a real similar situation when i got the previous job with the skool 7-8 years ago. coming off a long period of Unemp then, about 1.5 years, getting desperate, drinking, still a shitlib, i was not sending nearly as many apps, or nearly as many INTERVIEWS, cover letter was piss weak, in other words, i am putting forth a 6000000000000000000000 times stronger EFFORT now. trying a lot harder and getting rejected a LOT more. also for about 1.5 years, slightly less haha. 7 years older. getting desperate. and now i might get a similar job. at around the same time. last time it happened in november. this time it is shaping up to happen in november. very cyclical hahahaha.

well this time i would be a lot more assertive, and be like listen, i will give you 6 months to a year of the best work you have ever seen, but i need to get an FT job at this skool. period. i am a 35 year old man and i want to have a FAMILY.

now i may never have a family because im already too old and its too late. but wanting an FT job is legit because everyones gotta have one and i think most reasonable people understand that hahaha.

temporary, part time, midnight position. SIGN ME UP hahahahaha. prob for 11 dollars an hour. wow. at least i am not THAT desperate. this is at the hospital that always rejects me anyway.

anyway. it would be pretty ridiculous to get a job finally. back then, well i was a lot younger and dumber and more autistic. i mean i really HAVE improved a lot since age 26 hahahaha. got a stronger resume, cover letter, jobs document hahaha. got some hardcore working experience. got heart broken a couple times. didnt do any cuddling, making out, or fooking hahahaha. got dui and stopped drinking. most importantly, stopped being a pathetic shitlib and became a far right alt right white nationalist hahahahahaha.

but i had a realllllll shitty year and a half year, prob most challenging year of muh life.

i think at age 26 it was EASIER to get a job because i was at least 6 years younger, i looked younger, i guess people were more willing to give me a chance. i certainly did less than 10 interviews, and probably less than 100 applications. now its 28 interviews and 520 applications. just to get a part time job like i had before. convince people im not desperate and not overqualified but also THE PERFECT fit hahaha.

oh no, im not overqualified! im UNDERqualified! so hire me!

still no hard drive. well i need BOTH the hard drive AND the windows disc. that will probably come later.

shit i am REALLY getting my hopes up here. what if they cant get ahold of muh references? like my manager at latest place. he probably changed his phone number and deletes all emails related to me haha. no he was a nice, good, principled man…however i didnt want to take advantage of him by having 99000000000 people call him every day on my behalf when i left the company in a nervous wreck because of a WOMAN hahahahaha.

i might even have to go to a dr and get a tb test for this job. im sure they wont pay for that hahaha.

maybe i have tb and thats why i’ve been so low energy for the past 15 years hahahaha.

and what do i say to the people i know from a few years ago about how i left the company? well ill just say i was laid off. the department closed and everybody was laid off. which is TRUE. but i left BEFORE that. so ill just lie to them. its ok to lie to coworkers.

one woman would probably ask about That Woman, because she used to be a mutual coworker of me and that woman hahahaha. so my story for her is, yeah we dont really talk any more, we kinda grew apart. i dont know what she is doing but hope she is doing well! the end.

and thats it. then be the best worker, kiss ass, and give them several hours of free time each week. raelly impress the director, get him talking about himself, have him write me a letter of rec and also copy it to my linkedin page.

if anyone says, just get a masters degree, i will say, hey you pay for it, i’ll get it. hey, you GUARANTEE me a SPECIFIC JOB, and ill get it. CALL THEIR BLUFF. DRAIN THE SWAMP. NOBODY can GUARANTEE you a specific job in 2 years when you finish a degree. they might as well give you the job right NOW and then give you huge raises based on you progressing thru the degree. and ive never heard of one case of that ever happening to anybody.

i will get a masters degree in the 14 words hahahaha.

if i get the job then i will sack up and ask this guy i have in mind if he can get me some MJ because i know he Partakes occasionally. dont need it right now but if you are making a purchase in a month, 2 months, i will give you 100 bucks right now. then i can enjoy that, get used to the job, after 6 months or so, take a month and clear my system out, then start job search again hehehehe.

with some of the big names that i have tried for this time, but they rejected me PROBABLY because of the damn GAP.

so then i wouldnt HAVE a gap anymore and would have a much better chance of Getting A Job with them.

fookin GAPS man. they are the WORST hahahaha. they really are hahahaha. but they SHOULDNT be! its REALLY not the end of the world. but you get a gap and people treat you like a CHILD MOLESTER. jobs, women. get a gap and suddenly youre a neet nevergf.

its fookin STUPID. i would hire ONLY people with gaps hahahaha.

people with gaps are the best people ever. i dont TRUST these shady nevergaps.

damn dirty NONNEVERGF NEVERGAPS!!!!!!!!!!!

fooooook starting to get my hopes up like never before here, this is not good hahahah.

it is like when i first made out with woman2004, i was like uh oh guise ITS HABBENING i might be getting muh first ever gf here and she is qt as fook, might be becoming a nonnevergf normie chad here!!!!!

of course i didnt, although i did become a nonvirgin hahahahahahahahahahaha that fookin slut.

did you know that you dont need to be a congressman to get elected to speaker of the house hahahaha. they could choose you or me or andrew anglin or weev or skype enoch or sventh son. muh buddies. i am liking ghoul more and more too hahahaha. handsome man. should have many white children. im sure he’s no stranger to the ladies. normally i dont trust nonnevergf nonvirgin chad normies……but the 1488 ones i am ok with hahahaha.

im honestly not THAT weird famalam, but this GAP has CRUSHED my confidence, as has The Major Setback I went through. losing the job, and losing That Woman in such a terrible soul crushing way. followed by a 16 months of despair and gap. it CRUSHES your confidence!!!!!!! i hope you never have to go through it, unless you are a shitlib degenerate!!!!!!! its enough to CONVERT you! FLIP you!

well i was ALREADY flipped! I was already converted to the Church of GAWWWWDDDDD and 1488!!! WHAT MORE DUES DO I HAVE TO PAY????!!!?!!?!!?!

i also lost a ton of weight!!!!!! went from overweight to perfectly normie/healthy!

i applied for 520 jobs and did 28 interviews!!!!!!!!

i started going to the gym, i got 2 new Fitted Suits!

i wrote 14888888888888888888888888888888888888 pages of stuff, i voted for god emperor trump. leonard cohen died. i never talked to that woman once. i havent sent her an email or ANYTHING in 15 months.

2:38 pm : just got email officially Welcoming Me On Board. oh THANK GOD. wow. cant believe it. this is a bigger deal than TRUMP WINNING.

2:38 pm, november 15, 2016, the minute muh life changed hehehehe.

yeah i mean its ONLY 11 bucks an hour and ONLY 25 hours a week and ONLY  275 dollars aweek and ONLY 13750 a year……but thats 13750 more than i made in the past 16 months.

plus its PROBABLY going to be low stress, its DEFINITELY going to be Fairly Lesser Stress than previous job, AND I know at least 2,3 people there, AND everybody seems nice or is CONFIRMED nice.

ok tomorrow i will go to medical place, get physical and tb test, then go to HR, drop off all the forms, and email or call the actual department and let them know. maybe get a haircut too. get some pants altered haha.

i dont want to doubt myself! and hold back from doing shit. just be active and DO shit, right or wrong hahahaha.

the director emailed me. then i called him, left voicemail. was debating whether or not to call him. I left a voicemail telling him I planned to do the HR stuff tomorrow and that i would be very open to starting before the date given, which gives more than enough time to do muh TB test. well maybe. maybe it takes 2-3 weeks to do a TB test hahaha.

funny, on the form it said “NO DRUG TEST” hahahaha. NO DRUG TEST. they didnt drug test me last time i was hired here 8 years ago, but they didnt require the TB test then either. well either way i dont have to pay for it hahahaha. good.

so i left him a voicemail, and also replied to the email.

printed out all the shit and signed it that i need to give to hr.

maybe if i show up on the first day with a short beard then they will let me have a short beard hahahahahahahahah i mean it helps me feel masculine.

well i felt nervous about calling him because i always feel nervous talking to people, managers, or customers hahaha. good thing i didnt talk about that in the interview.

i dunno i have to thank GOD for this achievement. thank GOD and thank my FAMILY for putting up with me and allowing me to live. and that GOD for giving me enough persistence to do 27 interviews and 520 applications over 232 days of struggle. 7.7 months. 181 hours.

i was 30% over my initial estimate of 400.

13.95 minutes average application time.

89.2 minutes average interview time, including prep time but not driving hahaha. yeah that should really be a little longer no?

so yeah. THANK GOD if i have not said that enough. The Larpagans will scoff at that but I know my role in the world. to be wriggling, subservient vermin with no power of my own, so everything i “accomplish”, I owe it all to THE LORD hehehehehe.

hey im not too proud to BEG is all I’m saying. Ive begged before and Im sure I will beg again, but lately ive kinda got tired of begging. but what else can you DO but beg? NOTHING!

hehehehe.

THANK GOD.

I mean I dont want to die and then GOD can accuse me of not being thankful when a good thing happened.

 

HIDE THE STENCH

nov 13

good times hahahaha. not really. but they could be worse. when the going gets tuff. if you cant get a job with 510 applications and 28 interviews and 180 hours, then keep fighting until you have 1000 applications and 60 interviews and 360 hours. lower your standards from 12 an hour to 10 an hour, and be brave enough to take valium on the job to deal with angry customers when your company screws them and you have to uphold the screwing hahahahaha. it is what it is sir. we have no record of that. an explanation isnt gonna make this any better. there is no explanation. it is what it is. deal with it. goodbye.

ok. beautiful sunday. want to get in 45 minute walk NAO.

applied for job. data entry at hospital. diff one, little further away. long drive but oh well.

i gotta get better at my STORIES. have better WORK STORIES, with better examples, details, drama.

but i mean they are pretty good already. i guess they are just not good enough to get a 12 dollar an hour job. maybe i am aiming too high heheheh.

i just hate thinking of That Woman becoming so much more successful than me. she moves up, i move down. and once we were about equal. but she’s been winning at life while ive been losing. bigly. this feels like insult to injury but tech its not. however she did do insult to injury in other ways.

i mean its a big deal to me because i hate being a loser at life, and i hate it when people i luv throw me out of their life AND go on to become a big winner in life in ways that i have struggled and suffered and tried and failed and failed and failed for years. and they are 8, 10, 12 years younger than me, and have had more success, and less failure. they havent failed enough! they havent paid their dues! when do i stop suffering, failing, and paying my dues? how come i have to do that for 11, 12 years, while they only have to do it for 1, 2 years. plus shes an immature idiot! like a 50 foot baby with a machine gun! i do better work than her! smart, better, more VALUE!!!!!!! how come SHE can make 32k a year, but I cant even make 24k a year?

how am I ever supposed to PULL a woman who makes 32k a year when i cant even make 24k a year?

how am I ever supposed to reach my goal of a nice white wife and white children? becoming a total normie FAMILY MAN?????? thats not too much to ask, is it?!?!?!?!!

For me, it is!

ok ok ok that is a Negative Spiral of Negative Thoughts and I really need to avoid/stop those Spirals!

ok took 45 minute powerwalk, 170 calories, 2.4 miles hehe. listened to some good morning white america and daily shoah hehe.

36 minutes to apply for this 13 dollar job. ft days and bennies tho hahaha. kinda far tho. oh well. wont get an interview anyway. and if i do, it wont lead to an offer hahahaha.  super pessimistic. but i try not to SHOW pessimism OR desperation, because I know these things have a STENCH that employers (and women) can SMELL. so you HAVE to hide that stench. and I DO!!!!!!!

How do i Hide The Stench Better?

see the only way you can get RID of the stench at its ROOT is to get a job, or get a woman.

classic catch 22 of, the cure for the stench, is exactly what is driven away by the stench hahaha.

wewlad, ok applied for 3 jobs on a sunday, today they averaged 23 minutes each. bigly. big load.

it just sucks. you treat somebody with such value, and they treat you with no value, and they treat themselves with no value too. you would spend your life with them, sacrifice for them, have children with them, they would throw you away without a word and fook negros they just met like a jooish porno slut. taking loads all over face, making sex videos and noods with secsy guys they dont even know. make a baby, get an abortion, repeat prcess with other guys, just because they have the cocky confidence of negros.

NOT EVEN MOST white women prefer negros hahahahaha. i gotta stop thinking like that. it is bad.

well what does it matter if they do?

well it matters to ME and to other white working class cis christian male trump voters whose VOICE WAS HEARD during this election. WE EXIST and youre not gonna take our power without a fight hahaha.

it wasnt just white women who won this for trump, it was WHITES in general. a voting block. an interest group. of whites. all classes of whites. whites voting as a race hahaha.

so i shouldnt have held her in such high value. i was premature.

but i WASNT. yeah i was premature in falling in luv with her, because you should never do that until youre sure theyre in luv with YOU, but as far as valuing her as a person? not premature at all! we knew each other for years, had a good rel, she valued me, i valued her!

it wasnt like the women i “Casually Dated” earlier in life, 11 years ago, where it was beginnign middle and end all in just a few months.

thats muh point hahaha.

27 fookin interviews, now a 28th. come on. what the fook do these people want. how come SHE can handle this and i cant. how come SHE can make money and i cant. how come SHE can make a LOT MORE money and i cant. she can easily make 16 dollars an hour, i have to do 28 interviews just to make 11 dollars an hour.

so yeah in the end, thats the shit i hate. this isnt her FAULT, its just my Negative Thinking Spirals haha.

so yeah that shit isnt valid. im not allowed to be mad about that. but i AM allowed to be mad about How She Dumped me hahaha. that will never not be valid anger hehehehehe. but just stop all this shit about her making more money than me and being more successful than me. even if it is true hahahahaha.

hehehehehehehehe

but hes not a neet, has a good job, and works out, is not fat. also he is social and can talk to people. i BET he is SHORT AF. AND  asian or indian hahahahahaha.

i dunno. its just like jobs. you need to get USED to rejection. i mean i guess im USED to it, but i am also SLOWING DOWN. I’m TIRED of the rejection. its not the end of the world to get rejected, but ive def slowed down and become less passionate hehehehe. well i was never PASSIONATE. ok, how about lowER energy hahahaha.

i mean come on. i am TRYING to treat muh despair and muh anxiety by going to a shrink, taking meds, eating healthy, exercising, and trying to reach muh goals of getting a job.

so maybe i need to get a NEW shrink and go to them moar than once every 4 weeks. find a more hardcore shrink and go every 2 weeks.

yeah but i cant really afford that. i DEFINITELY dont WANT to spend the money. but maybe its a need i have convinced myself is a want hahahahaha.

needs you confuse as wants, wants you confuse as needs hahahahaha.

shitty feminist advice a few responses down, hope it gets downvoted

4th job on a sunday. air force. gs05 engineering job, 28k. probably get rej as not qualified, has happened before with simlar air force or army jobs. yet RECENT GRADS can get a PATHWAYS job at like 40k, gs07, yet i cant get an interview for a gs05, 28k job.

REAP WHAT YOU SOW. THIS IS THE LIFE IVE CHOSEN, by making bad choices when i was young, mainly ommission type things, like not applying for a pathways job when i was a recent grad. it jsut seems out of proportion that because i missed that train, i dont even have a shot at a LESSER job later.

major edit on muh Document – edited unofficial college transcript down from 2 pages to 1 page. bringing document from 10 pages to 9 pages hahahahahah. i figure this will make me look less entitled and arrogant hahahaha.

206 credit hours of college i have. if we assume 30 credits per year, that is 6.87 full years of full time college hahahahaha. and still cant make 24k a year hahaha. at age 31. hahaha.

i mean i have to look a LITTLE arrogant to help HIDE THE STENCH.

ITS NOT OVERCOMPENSATION, ITS JUST COMPENSATION

hehehe its not a napoleon complex, its just a manlet who wants to have a normie power level. not a napoleon power level.

i have a LOT to make up for. so dont say im OVERcorrecting.

well feel a little better, saw a review on indeed for the bank that i wanted to get the IT job, and they said, well the benefits are good, but this IT dept expects WAY too much out of you and does not give you the support you need, expecting you to work miracles.

WELCOME TO I.T. hahahahahaha

and thats why i dont want to BE in IT, because i dont want to have to work miracles all day. its too thankless. PLUS i just dont give a shit about computers. they break and dont make any sense. just reinstall. rip it out and reinstall. take the hard drive out, blow on the connectors like an nes cartridge. if it still doesnt work, buy a new one. buy more ram, dont fix the memory leak in the program. hire another indian for dev. get an indian intern for free hahahaha.

HIDE THE STENCH.

kinda hard to do with the indian interns stinking up the IT office with their curry BO hahahahaha.

this is what multitasking has wrought. i always have at least two strands of thought running around like a demolition derby, often crashing into each other and increasing Net Confusion.

cant get a job, cant get a good woman, cant get a slutty woman, yet the woman i thought was a good woman now VASTLY outperforms me in the Work World, AND gives herself away at the lowest price, to TAKE ALL COMERS.

now there is a QUADRUPLE WHAMMY of insult upon insult upon insult upon injury!!!!!

ok ok ok STAHP JUST STAHP

why cant she just make less money tho. she doesnt even know shit about computers. she never took 1 computers class. she doesnt know any GIRLCODING! I took 4-6 coding courses!!! i have 35 credits in IT and Computer Science hahahaha. all she knows is reboot the computer and call us again when the error is on the screen. we have no record of that. it is what it is. theres nothing more we can do. it will be fixed in a future update, its a known issue. no eta on fix. is there anything else i can help you with? goodbye.

and she was never super duper career oriented either, thats something i liked about her. other women Forgo Serious Rels so they can go to College, Work on Careers, and Ride C0k carousel. She was just like a job is a job, better find a damn job, better not take out too many college loans. i dont want a masters degree, im just an average gurl, im not some kind of bossy ladyboss, i just want a regular job, i’m not a LEADER.

im kinda the same way.

welp ok so maybe its good i didnt get that IT job at the bank, but i would have liked the Records Back Office job at the same bank. i would still totally luv a call back you guys. and i can’t do anything more. i already sent muh thank you note, i always do that right after the interview. maybe I should wait until the end of the week of the interview hahahaha. so they can forget about me, THEN remember me.

so maybe i should go to VEGAS and smoke legal MJ in 2017 and gamble.

i went to vegas once when i was 29 and i had just met That Woman hahaha. vegas was ok. i mean it was exciting and warm. it would have been a lot better if i were a drinker……or they had legal MJ at that time. it was full of fooking southeast asians, mestizos, and degenerates. i didnt even really GAMBLE. I can technically play holdem but i was too cowardly to play a live table.

i would just as rather go to colorado or wash and do legal MJ because its more beautiful nature there. and that is a much bigger value add for me than gambling or asians. i mean sheeeeeit you can GAMBLE anywhere, uhhh i mean many states have legal casinos. thats nothing special.

nov 14

not a good match for FILE CLERK. obviously i didnt spend an hour tailoring my cover letter to show why i was THE BEST file clerk. simply stating the companies mission and saying i was all about efficiency and detail oriented isnt gonna cut it in current year.

been rejected without interview for FOUR File Clerk jobs with this stupid hospital. i only apply to them because they are one of the few companies that has actual File Clerk positions.  entry level jobs rather than supervisor/manager level jobs.

steve bannon. was associated with breitbart. tv news refers to him as “alt right.” prob not accurate. breitbart is more alt lite hahahaha. but its good to have an alt lite guy that high up eh?

and cnn says he made anti semitic remarks 10 years ago? EVEN BETTER!!!!!! PURGE THE BERGS AND STEINS!!!!!!!

i dont even hate individual joos if i know them and they are decent people. ive known a couple, one or two hahahaha. but as a whole, the top joos have done too much damage and have to go back.

heres the thing, you got your money joos and then you got your culture joos. you got your zionists and then you got your marxists. i dont care for either of them.

monday morning. checked the school jobs site on monday because they dont get to indeed ever, so i gotta make a note to check once a week. nothing new there unfort.

see shrink today, got to try to get something useful there.

how to stay motivated and productive with job search, how to not hate women, how to stop comparing myself to HER, ie she dumped me AND she is more successful/bigger winner than me. desire to do MJ all the time. being MORE productive, stepping game UP from just baby steps.

ok did muh pushups. ideally would like to get 1 job app done before 12, then do 45 min powerwalk, then shower, then shrink, and 2 or 3 more job apps after, and a 30-45 min powerwalk before Early Nightfall hehehe.

got a new pair of Athletic Shorts because the ones i have now have gotten so big that I worry about them falling down when I Brisk Jog hahahaha.  less than 10 dollars from amazon. had huge amazon gift card from market research study.

ok right on schedule here to get 1 app done by 12 hahahaha. but should i really waste my time applying to a 36k state job? i mean come on.

well because I cant FIND any 26k jobs hahaha. its easier to find a 36k job than a 26k job. there are more 36k job (openings?) than 26k file clerk jobs hahahaha.

i want to bang this successful career woman who Has It All in the Peloton commerical, she is like 32 years old, in very good shape, loves to bikeride 1488 miles a day, has a 3 year old child, and has a 5 million dollar house like a CEO. that HOUSE. are you KIDDING me.

interpreting the supervisors point of view. hahahahaha. how is this even a job requirement hahaha.

how about you just ask the supervisor what they mean. because that would waste TIME IS MONEY, TIMEMONEY, and the manager is known incompetent who doesnt know what he’s talking about, also he’s an abusive bullying asshole hahahaha.  he or she. so were hiring you to do the managers job and to read their damn mind.

ok took 2 mile powerwalk, shower.

how to take shit from people.

just keep apologizing. im sorry. im sorry. im really sorry. i wish there was something i could do. but theres nothing i can do. im sorry.

STOP SAYING IM SORRY! AND I CANT BELIEVE THERES NOTHING YOU CAN DO! LET ME SPEAK TO YOUR MANAGER THEN!

I cant do that. theres nothing i can do. im sorry. im sorry.

repeat for 50 hours a day till you die hahaha.

have you ever found yourself in a situation where you were desperately saying IM SORRY IM SORRY IM SORRY? it is pretty humiliating. I was in that situation with That Woman. I can assure you it was not good at all. i shouldnt have said im sorry so much, but thats how desperate and out of control i was. it sucked. she didnt like it either. she clearly saw me as weak and annoying. disgusting vermin. gregor samsa the jooish vermin bug hahahaha.

grindr gregor is not a goyim hahahahahahahahahahaha

sheeeeeeeeit. i mean i do FEEL more productive when i get 4 apps done in a day. other big achievements are doing 4 or 5 miles of walking and def getting under 1200 calories. is deffo another biggun. so yeah. if i can do 4 apps AND get under 1200, thats a good day. the 4 miles at that point is negligible.

heh. when a city job makes you fill out their pdf app……….and then makes it an uneditable pdf. and wants you to drop it off at city hall. they literally want you to print it out and handwrite it and they have no computer version of it. seems so……inefficient hahahaha.

well acrobat reader lets you add your own text thank God hahaha. GRAMMAR SCHOOL? REALLY? this is a hoity toity city and they want “grammar school” aka grade school. OK well i will jump thru a lot of hoops for a 32k job!

and then mail in the 13 pages with like 4 stamps hahahaha.

ok i completed the pdf, compressed it to a reasonable size, sent it to city email address, requesting confirmation, asked if i should also drop off a hard copy (OF COURSHE YOU SHOULD!!!!!!) because why should these well paid city lackeys of a richer city pay for printing when the working class slob applicant can hahahaha.

gonna have to go back to the well here and find some more jobs. the swamp. WE ARE GOING TO DRAIN. THE. SWAMP. hahahahaha.

went to shrink, didnt talk about much useful, just muh 4 interviews and the election haha.

welp, got below 1200 calories today, and 3 applications done, and 4.4 miles walking. did not get 4 done but i had to go to shrink hehe.

took 1 benadryl pill. it was tiny and it doesnt seem to be as strong as nyquil. which i guess is what i was going for. still feel a little sleepy tho.

yeah what bothers me about all this is, i just want to know am I a shitty person or not? did i do something horrible or not? was i a horrible niceguy or not? I have essentially been charged with a crime and i dont know if im guilty or not. i dont like that ambiguity. lack of closure. i want to know if i did something bad, or she just overreacted……..because i dont want to be a bad person or do bad things. period.

i mean yeah my gut tells me, i didnt do anything HORRIBLE per se, i wasnt a nice guy per se, and yes she DID overreact a LOT. however i was cowardly and i know how to act better in the future. but no im not a horrible person, i didnt do a horrible thing, im not xkcd friends comic niceguy.

i just reallllllllly dont want to be a niceguy either.

i dont think i was. per se. i had some niceguy tendencies but at the end of the day i said fook this shit, tore the bandaid off, took a final stand and died on that mountain, which a nice guy would totally not do.

NOT EVEN MOST WOMEN ARE EVIL CHILDREN

nov 11

sheeeeeeeeeeeit LEONARD COHEN died. age 82. not sure what. he came out with that new song/album a few months ago. out of all the famous singers who died recently, LC is by far the one I liked the most. I was/am an actual literal serious LC FAN. I have seen LC live. TWICE! I have spent hours listening to and fully enjoying LC, respecting an admiring him. I know he was old and obviously wouldnt live forever, and his health seemed to be declining even with that. he did not have long in other words. and here it happened.

ive listened to him less the past few years, and have been trying to keep his JOOISHNESS in mind critically, but he was still prob muh fav JOO. and now that he is gone it would be a lot easier for me to push the button and send them all back to their homeland hahahaha.

i still think he was a good guy. i just didnt like that his profound songs, lyrics, philosophy had to be somehow TAINTED with jooishness.

i mean i dont think he was a typical antiwhite joo by any means.

he died on MONDAY and we only heard about it on THURSDAY? well thats more than fair. i would just hate for him to be pressured to make an anti trump statement during his last day of life hahahaha. who knows, he probably did before hahaha.

cant find cause of death. i mean it doesnt really matter, i just want to know if he secretly had CANCER like david bowie.

sheeeeeeeeit now i gotta listen to his latest album released 1 month ago. i heard one song from it and i didnt love it.

unfort i had a dream about That Woman last night so i am thinking about that.

also that she knows that I am a big cohen fan so when she hears about his death she will think of me unless she is just THAT dense, 50 50 chance there hahaha.

basically how can any big LC fan be a total betraying piece of shit? she would think if she was smart and mature, which she is not hahaha.

like LC, i have lived for years blaming myself for hurting and disappointing someone i luved, totally being a coward. this is kinda how LC viewed himself too. disappointed in himself for being a coward who hurt the people he luved. i totally know that feel.

anyway he captures that guilt and Vulnerability very well, all real fans know this.

anyway the dream: in the dream i finally received my long awaited Long Email from her. she actually never appeared in the dream, just the email.

the email was nice and long. but it did not have her name on it, and it was in my Spam folder, and I easily could have missed it because it was buried among 6000000 emails in my spam folder. (not realistic, i check and empty spam every day and there is never more than 4 emails in there due to how often i check it)

i read the email and while i was glad she was finally communicating with me, it was frustrating. i think she apologized for shutting down. but she spent a lot of time talking about her new bf. and how she had to go out and be young and stupid for a while, dating around, euphemisms for being a casual sex slut. then she finally met this guy who she cant even explain. on paper he sounds horrible: immature, unfriendly, he’s even more emotionally sensitive than me or even YOU (meaning me!), grumpy, stubborn, but I just saw something in him and now I am so happy.

(that made me angry and be like yeah but i am better than that! hes even MORE emotional than me? why couldnt you just pick ME instead? why go out and be a slut and then end up with a guy whos like me, but even WORSE? why not contact me earlier and give me a chance? I still luv you!)

so yeah my ultimate feeling after getting the letter was frustration, not really any greater closure, but a reawakened desire to try to beg her to come to me, pleeeease think about dating me, please give me a chance, you’re dating an emotional, short, grumpy, awkward guy, i am all those things too, but i am trying to become a better man though! and i would luv you unconditionally!

so yeah the whole feeling was like, this doesnt make me feel much better, this wasnt the closure i was looking for, she didnt talk enough about the stuff i wanted her to talk about (apologizing, dont blame yourself, youre a great guy) and talked too much about stuff i didnt want to hear about (new emo boifran, slutting it up.)

and she said, you absolutely need to have no contact with me in order to get over this, we cant talk again for like a YEAR. and just go out there and meet new people. I did! good people, bad people, just any new people. youll meet a few shitty people but eventually you will meet a great person and then you will get over me!

so that was technically good, becuase yeah thats exactly what i need to do, and that was her saying, theres no chance between me and you.

mainly i was angry because i was like, overall, she doesnt’ really GET it. this isnt the letter i wanted.

but that made it easier for me to dislike her and to see how Incompatible we were, so thats kinda good tho.

but it also sucked to bring all the feelings back to the surface again, to remind me that i still wanted her. i had a strong urge to reply and try to persuade her like a game of chess. i still want you.

so yeah. basically it means that a letter from her wouldn’t do a ton of good at this late date. its too late hahahaha.

but technically i wouldnt mind DISliking her more. or an apology, an admission of her guilt, and her saying it wasnt my fault.

so yeah. i guess an email wouldnt be all bad. because i HATE being misunderstood, and not listened to, not given a chance to defend myself, and having someone i luv, hate me forever.

but yeah i dont need stupid dreams bringing HER back to the fore, when there are much more important things happeneing in the world!

trump victory!

leonard cohen dying!

and all i can think of now is, well when she hears about LC dying, she might think of ME and maybe try to contact me!

sheeeeit shes prob so busy working, making money, succeeding, and being in luv and fookin new bf’s, to ever hear about LC or remember anything about him.

i mean she could even have a CHILD by now hahahaha. thats how long i havent seen her.

she is SO MUCH OVER ME, and I am not really enough over her at all.

i mean i get good days and bad days, and had a couple bad days re her recently.

also, my good days are worse than normies bad days hahahaha.

http://goaskalice.columbia.edu/answered-questions/told-him-my-true-feelings-and-now-its-truly-awkward-0

good advice from communist alice. it takes courage to confess feelings. open direct communication is the best way forward. he doesnt want to reject you as a person.

thats something thats not covered in these talks. when you confess feelings for a friend, the “norm” is they are like, i dont feel that way, but i dont want to lose your friendship, you are valuable to me as a friend, and then you say, well yeah its complicated! but some space would be nice, can we agree on some space, i mean i wish you well tho.

but from her i got YOU BEATRAYED ME YOU PIECE OF SHIT I NEVER WANT TO TALK TO YOU AGAIN!!!!!

which left me devastated. but i didnt really get that though. i just got nothing.

http://goaskalice.columbia.edu/answered-questions/friends-partners-possible

again, just have a direct conversation, with no warnings of this could really really really blow up horribly.

which leads me to believe that blowing up THAT horribly is not normal.

ie, SHE DEFINITELY OVERREACTED BIGLY.

which doesnt mean i wasnt a coward, i def was.

but it takes a lot of courage to do this, AND she overreacted WAY too much, even for a WOMAN.

women are not that bad, white women voted for TRUMP. white women voted for trump. white women are not degen garbage who fook dogs and negros. at least 53% of white women are good hahahaha.

ok call to job int in 2 weeks from stupid hospital. yes THAT hospital. this is for an afternoon shift job with no benefits (casual) and which will be lucky to get 12 an hour. oh well. hopefully they can at least have the decency to give me an actual interview!!!!!!!!

instead of me showing up at 830 am, them saying you would be bored with this job, why dont you try applying for something that would be a better FIT for you, dont look desperate, this job isnt for you, we here at this hospital look at the types of jobs you apply to, you should really apply for something thats a better fit for you, good luck, buh bye.

goddam k1k3s hahahaha.

no you cant just APPLY for one of the 4000 new trump administration jobs. i checked hahaha.

forced self to eat less cereal this morning than i would normally eat.

fookin portion control!

stupid computer. hard drives. never had a hard drive fail. WHY did it fail? was i using the computer too much? i did use it a lot.

but its also been making a weird clicking and humming noise for like 2 months. which i wasnt sure was the hard drive but now i am much more sure thats what it was. cuz the beeping came from the same place.

root cause for hard drive failure. we dont know why your hard drive broke and you lost all your files hahaha.

well my most important files are all on The Cloud. i am really just losing a bunch of music files i downloaded. thats about it. really not bad.

leonard cohen. well he fell in luv many times, even more than i did, and was able to turn his profound feels into classic, timeless songs that will last hundreds of years. i do not have that talent hahahaha. just this blog hahahaha. this blog is my “hallelujah” hahahaha. my “suzanne” and all that shit. so long marianne. im your man. first we take manhattan. take this waltz. dance me to the end of luv. great song, i dont care that some joos say its about the h0l0h04x, its still beautiful. bird on a wire. you know what song i like is sing another song boys. everybody knows hahaha. a great newer song is “alexandra leaving.”  heart with no companion. the future. all that shit. joan of arc. avalanche. chelsea hotel. famous blue raincoat. lover lover lover. all great songs hahaha.

you gotta be a goddam POLITICIAN to CAMPAIGN why you are the BEST candidate for this 11 dollar an hour job. you cant just say the right things, you gotta really sell yourself and convince people. SHE couldnt do that! but she gets a good job just because she doesnt have a GAP like a NEET hahahaha.

hehehe. hey i had an offer for a tech support call center help desk tier 1 job myself, for good money. but i turned it down because i was too SCARED and COWARDLY.  i was like, its not worf it m8.

one thing i got better at is giving clients bad news. give a brief story of specific example when you were bad, then what you did, seek out mentorship, read books, watched youtube, here’s the top 3 things i learned, and here’s a specific story of when i got good at giving the bad news. of our company doesnt want to spend the money to fix our broken equipment hahahaha.

anyway i am real bad with these specific stories. i have a few but they are just not good enough. i SHOULD have written them down while i was THERE. to make them as DETAILED and EPIC and HEROIC as possible. spin them so they have a better ending of we just ignored the person because there case was too hard and expensive to solve, so we gave them the runaround until they stopped calling, because the person who did know how to help them just didnt want to, and we dont have access to the secret information in their head. job security. dont tell anybody anything and sure as hell dont write it down. and then dont help the people who are begging you to help them, becuase they dont even know you can help them.

but yeah now got the 28th interview lined up. not nearly as excited about this job, but welp the PIPELINE hasnt been so full lately hehe.

HONESTLY. why cant the skool just hire me already.

got like FOUR rej emails yesterday for various jobs. and less than half of places actually send rej emails. so what does that tell you. i rarely even APPLY for 4 jobs a day anymore. 3 or 4 on a GOOD day. 0 or 1 on a bad day hahaha.

ok applied for hospital job on the slow computer. great job, entry level data entry thing with very short description. prob get rejected as i always do for these hospital jobs hehe.

took some nyquil. always a good time there. wish we had legal mj. maybe in 2018 election. why not 2017? i thought the state could technically do something like that at ANY time.

but good luck getting Normal People out when there is not a presidential election! like for local elections, no one ever comes out.

even in the big 2016 election, only 55% of eligible people voted. tons of people were just not registered or just too lazy to vote.

i agree that i am too lazy and dont DESERVE to vote, but thats NOT what these people are thinking, they are just too lazy and uncaring to vote. i vote because i know i have to make use of this power (which i dont deserve, but i have anyway) to keep The Enemy From Winning. that much i can do.

im not proud of how i acted and some days i REALLY blame myself, but the FACT, the FINAL FACT, the VERDICT, is, SHE OVERREACTED BIGLY hehehehe. women tend to overreact and she overreacted on top of an overreaction. so that is on her, and i shouldnt and cannot blame myself for that. like i MADE her do that.

nov 12

yeah basically i thought even though our rel was In Trouble, that I was entitled to, that i had EARNED THE RIGHT TO DEFEND MYSELF.

how can you so easily throw me away, make me dead to you and you dead to me? we knew each other for 3 years!!!! Ive earned the right to defend myself against what you’ve charged me with! so lets have a damn trial! lets sit down and talk and present our cases before the judge and jury! i am confident enough to represent myself as my own attorney. you can get an attorney too if you like.

well then we would have to hire a judge and jury. that would be too expensive. finding an impartial group of people to make a decision on something that onyl matters to ONE person, me.

so yeah a Trial would have been NICE for me…..but its an expensive bourgeois LUXURY to have a trial.

no ones ENTITLED to a trial hahahaha.

your trial, my funeral hahahahahahahaha

just spending money like water this week and its not even xmas hahaha.

so yeah. i thought she would be willing to give me a TRIAL. LET ME DEFEND MYSELF. LISTEN TO ME. again thats all part of the Natural, Beautiful Complexity of being Thrown Away. it is a flower with many petals hahahaha.

i mean yeah. when a person can just Switch It Off, so 180, thats a Red Flag that you are not compatible with them.

of course compatibility is a jooish lie hahahahaha. its not about compatibility, its about WILLINGNESS TO WORK.

yeah well she wasnt WILLING TO WORK EITHER.

16 months later, 480 days later, still thinking about this. well, 500 is a nice round number like 100% is hahahaha.

leonard cohen. whose the white leonard cohen. LC was a great man but his CYNICISM and DESPAIR and PESSIMISM was so TYPICALLY Jooish. i am all those things too, and i dont like that jooishness in me, but it comes from living in a jooish culture and world. i dont want to be this way hahahaha. the world made me this way. my goy heart innately rejects it.

not to say ALL of cohens stuff was pessimistic! but he also wasnt willing to reject his own jooishness. he had a good sense of being a joo. well, few joos do not. they just say, well im not religious, we dont go to temple, we’re basically white. except when it comes to evil racist white privilege and granny dying in muh holocaust, then they are 6000000% jooish.

heh all the cohen fans are also antitrump. and i said, well if a person is a cohen fan they’re prob good people. hahahaha. no they are shitlib antiwhites hahaha. i might be the only trump supporting cohen fan in the world.  now, trump supporting cohen fans, i guarantee you THEY are good people hahahaha. great intersectionality there.

ghoul doxxing himself damn. yeah i am jelly he is a handsome nonnevergf chad, but its good for our people, and it takes courage to do this. i mean his real name hasnt come out, but its just a damn matter of time now.

i mean hows he ever gonna get a job as a phd now? thats what i worry about.

well he could prob get a job at a community college, which is seen as BENEATH the majority of phds…….but i can verify that its NOT beneath a sizable minority of them hahahaha. and i think ghoul would appreciate the chance to actually influence real people. i mean the CC is the great equalizer A LOTTTTTTTTTT more than some bourge university is, i realize that, and im sure ghoul realizes that.

white women voted for trump. white women voted for trump hahahaha. my knee-jerk reaction against white women is BAD, negative, a reflex i want to change. i get Stankface and think, these disgusting negro fooking sluts. these stupid annoying children. emily youcis, get the fook out of here, i dont want any annoying sluts in muh alt right white movement.

i would never hurt or abuse a woman, but my GOD do i TALK SHIT about them NONSTOP. my first reflex is to talk MAD shit about women. and i wish it werent hahahaha.

maybe if i met emily youcis in person and had a 1 on 1 conversation with her i wouldnt dislike her so much hahahaha.

but now im like, ha. women. these bandwagon jumpers. she’s just doing this because its edgy. she’ll be gone in ONE YEAR. I’ve been pro-white for six years hahahahah and just getting deeper.

its SAD that my FIRST REACTION to white women is one of dislike, negativity.

bbbbut im in a woman hating phase right now, it will pass.

i will be in a woman hating phase until i get over HER, which will take 2 full years hahahaha.

so if i am still hating women in july 2017, then i should work on that hahahaha. that is my deadline hehehe.

but yeah i can convince myself that white women arent all bad (i dont really care about nonwhite women, they can ALL be degen pigs, disgusting animals, and i just dont care, because theyre not “My Women.”) when i remind myself, 53% of white women voted for trump hahahaha. i mean thats a powerful Logic Bomb hehehehe.

basically, Not All Women, and Not Even MOST Women, would Heartless Hurt Me Deeply. Not Even MOST Women would have disgusting casual negro sex.

that is my Positive, non pessimistic mantra for the day haha. NOT EVEN MOST WOMEN. are evil children. or just destructive bratty out of control children, 50 foot baby with 600000000 machine guns.

come on. just pay a person to do what you dont want to do. it doesnt even have to be a professional. just hire the dr nick of relship counselors hahaha. pay tyrone off the street 20 bucks for crack to be a messenger of bad news. hey i dont like giving bad news either.

applied for 3 jobs. called one thing “payroll clerk” in cover letter even though official name is “payroll assistant.” WHOOPS auto disqualified! this is the same company i really really really wanted the IT job at. a health care company with good reputation. i also applied for a financial job at that same time which they mentioned in the IT interview, i said I’d be happy with either but was 60 40 into the IT job re better fit. i was reallllllly hoping to get the job. got nothing. also did not even get interview for financial job. NOW i just applied for payroll job at this company. i KNOW they are growing like wildfire because they told me that at the interview. they plan to double in size in 2 years.

applied for PT general office clerk job at health care “business” company. have applied for this SAME job like 4 or 5 times, ALWAYS get rejected. then it opens again a month later, then i apply again. get rejected again. well, sometimes its a FT version of basically the same job. diff req numbers each time so i COUNT it on muh sheet as a new job. numbers up.

onyl spent 178 hours on Job Search. Maybe i need to spend at least 500 hahahaha.

i would much rather just pay the 2100 dollars that these hours are worth at 12 dollars an hour rate and have someone else do this work for me hehehehe.

just all so fookin retarded. i cant help but feel if i were like 22 years old instead of 10ish years older than that, they would be more willing to hire me and i wouldnt have to do 28 goddam interviews.

god damn j1zz burping cvnt.

well did good today on calories at least. and technically on job apps, got 4 done. beating the avg of 3 hahaha.

i mean sheeeeeeeeeeeeeeeit.

yeah i mean TRY to give me the BENEFIT OF THE DOUBT. 2.7 years, you think you’d be “entitled” to the BENEFIT OF THE DOUBT. this might not be the worst case scenario. maybe he wasnt a huge liar. maybe thats why he was always trying to hang out. maybe thats what he said in those emails i deleted. maybe i shouldnt ahve overreacted so much. yeah i know he overreacted too but what would i do if i started liking a friend? i mean yeah thsi is an uncomfortable conversation, but he’s not a bad guy, he means well, we were good friends once, i’ll send my mom, or a mutual friend, or a shrink, or pay a black crack bum 20 bucks, to be the bringer of bad news for me.

the fact that she couldnt do ANY of that tells me that she was ANGRY and HATEFUL towards me and WANTED to PUNISH me for HURTING her.

but yeah i’ll never know. going down that rabbit hole again. wouldnt be going down it if i had some MJ, or a JOB, or other women to hang out with, or more friends to hang out with. i mean i have acquaintances who will prob go to the bar tonight…..but i dont really want to go to the bar! but i should go to the bar just to be social right?

yeah but its so loud and packed you cant even TALK to anyone or HEAR anyone. you cant be social when you literally have to scream in someones ear. is it that bad that i avoid these sort of situations? why cant i just go to someones house and play vidya and games and MJ and we can talk at a normal volume and actually hear each other?

but i feel ashamed showing myself when i dont have a job.

and i havent had a job in 16 months hahahaha.

well, i am ok with doing my weekly thing tho.

sooo……do i want to do that thing on saturday night then?

well i mean….i dunno. i wish there were other social options other than the bar, or that social game. for example, a friend i could just hang out with at a home, play vidya, play games, watch tv, take mj hahahaha. MAYBE take mj. i am lacking friends that i am close enough to do that sort of stuff with. to actually have relaxed banter. my other acquaintences are big on sports and tv, i dont know shit about sports and tv. i try to talk about it but i cant get very far. its HARD WORK hahahaha.

when you go down from 36 waist to 34 and have to switch from L underoos to M hahahaha. and XL t shirts to L.

 

 

 

 

FRIENDS IS FINE, BEST FRIENDS IS NOT

nov 3

welp did interview for PT, 11 dollars an hour job. went ok. lasted 1 hour. i was not super nervous. still stumbled on some questions and tried to bullshit some bullshit. even though i personally think education is a bunch of bullshit, i just like the idea of working at this school. everyone was nice. the woman there, i had known her from 3 years ago when i used to say hello to her and chit chat, she was very nice to me and i was very nice to her. did not expect to see her today, wasnt sure she still worked in this department. the Director is a Big Confident Guy with beautiful white family, working on a PhD right now, he is very big on Education, that kind of shit. i am very big on pulling your kids out of public schools and homeschooling them away from the brown hordes and FEDGOV bullshit. maybe he doesnt like FEDGOV bullshit either and wants to FIX things by being PART of the school board. he worked for x years in Horrible Black Public Schools and i tip my fedora to that. I would not survive a day in that jungle. but i dont think the experience made him a White Nationalist Red Pilled on Race at all, rather, hes doubled down on All Children can succeed with a good Education. and he’s not gonna change his mind because he’s worked hard, had a successful career, has a beautiful family, seems like a genuinely decent guy, has a masterz degree, and in a few years will have a phd.

i mean i have a probably better than average chance of getting this job because i know two, technically 3 people in the department. but i have been rejected for 3 diff PT jobs by this org before, even though i worked at the org for 5 years 3 years ago. so…..again i am no stranger to getting rejected for 11 an hour PT jobs from a place i previous worked.

had a dream where i started making out with this very qt gurl i used to work with at that same job. now she got married and i was never friends with her, but she was always very nice to everybody, very bubbly and nice and pleasant, and very very qt. she Connected with me on Linkedin like 6 months ago and i was like damn she is a nice gurl, good wife and mother material there, that guy got a CATCH. and straight up 8/10 qt hahahahaha. way out of my league. way out of his league. anyway if she were interested in me i would forget about That Woman forever hehehehe. she has a successful career now (the qt gurl) and i am not resentful about it.

yeah i would have enjoyed making out with her, cuddling, secs, dating. i didnt really try with her because a. i didnt work with her that much b. i knew right away she had a BF. the guy she ended up marrying.

was at weekly social thing yesterday and saw a VERY attractive young woman, another total 8. long legs, nice white skin, long brownish hair, pretty face, just the right amount of Meat on the Hips/Buttocks area, good good. i wonder what her BMI is. because SOME women might be self-conscious about being FAT, and then other degenerates would be like BBW The Fatter The Better, but she just looked Healthy and Fertile AF to me. child bearing hips. definitely not anorexic. just the ideal normal young woman body. not fat but not overly skinny. not fat but a little soft in all the right areas. not in a fetishist way. but in a NORMAL way. i could not stop looking at her. if a gurl like THAT were interested in me, i would be OVER That Woman right NOW. yesterday.

yes of course this new woman was objectively more attractive than That Woman.

but yeah, point is, there ARE still attractive young women out there who, if i were spending time with them and they were being nice to me, i could see myself Getting Over THAT woman.

but these women are SO attractive as to be WAY out of my league. like i say. 25 year old full blown 8’s hahahaha. whereas i am more a 6.8 type guy.

and That Woman was probably closer to a 6.8 than a 8? really? the midpoint is 7.4.

i mean in that 6,7,8 range, you really DO need to drill it down like that.  that is a LOT of ground to cover, a LOT of variation, that is WAY more noticeable than like 1 to 1.1 haha.

anyway, getting this job would be fine, because everyone seems nice and i know a couple people there. i wouldnt want to get COMPLACENT though. because you need an FT job, not some damn 25 hours a week, 11 an hour, 275 a week,  13.7k a year job. sheeeeeeeeeeeeit. aint nobody can live off that!

but muh anxiety and mental and emotional health are always a damn problem, im practically damn disabled hahaha. should really see a professional about that hahahaha.

maybe i need to get a new shrink hahahahahahaha.

see i like my shrink very much. but the actual progress could be a little better haha.

i know people who are REALLY SERIOUS about managing their Issues go through like 10, 14 shrinks before they find the right one, not just stick with the first one.  so maybe thats my problem.

heh my problem is that i dont want to go back to school hahahaha.

bbbbut i already have 18 years of education.

but if its not enough of not the right KIND, then i obviously need to go back and get more!

well i guess its good that what i want to do is very exact: help under-40 white men with despair, anxiety, neet, shyness, autismal, failure, rejection, alcohol, MJ, nevergf, virgins, rels. period. no blacks, no browns, no borderline, no sociopaths, no schizo, maybe flexible on bipolar, no nonnevergfs.

and thing is, masters degrees are ridiculously specific too. like speech language therapist, or IT Business Analyst, or Black Social Work, or Charter High School Librarian, or basically masters degrees are tailored to very specific jobs. and my concern is there are just not a lot of JOBS in what i want to do, to help that small ass market. there are way more social work jobs for the more shitty kind of social work. plus social work is pretty stressful too eh hahahaha.

i shouldnt crap on these female MSW’s, ive gotten better i swear. they work hard, theyre not idiots, and if they are horrible sluts in their personal life, they probably try to do as little damage as possible. have decent empathy hahaha. dont just murder hearts in cold blood hahaha.

but to have the county send you all its worst black juvenile delinquents, god damn. i would not want that. or people who get neglected and abused by their damn shitty families. i only want to help shitty people from GOOD families hahahaha.

basically i would have to do some revolutionary marketing and appeal to people that are Too Stubborn to Get Therapy. AND be able to make it affordable for them.

well i guess having a generous Sliding Scale is a must.

Again I am willing to be an unlicensed therapist for 12 dollars an hour, noting that i am just giving it my best effort and trying to handle shit above my pay grade hahahaha.

constantly handling shit above your pay grade without help and without error IS your job hahahaha.

yeah ok i would be happy to get this 13k a year job hahaha. because i could see myself not going mad. plus it would position me to have a better chance at getting ANY job, for the phaggots that are very gapist, and who are rejecting me mainly because of The Gap.

Listen. Heres the thing. I would probably be pretty GOOD in a relship if the woman gave me a fair CHANCE. if she was willing to COMMUNICATE. USE YOUR WORDS, like a GROWN UP. doesnt have to be a conversation. can be an exchange of letters. i know its easy to get NERVOUS and not communicate very well sometimes. so write a letter in the safety of your own comfort zone where i cant gaslight and minimize and abuse you and make you feeeeeeeeeel weird. thats FINE.

then i would talk to this one guy and see if he can get me an MJ order. if so, I will be ecstatic and put in a 100 dollar order. go big. if not…….i guess i will continue scheming to get a medical card. go to this “clinic” and complain of carpal tunnel pain and say hey doc, i’m MORE THAN WILLING to meet with you again in 1 month, 3 months, to establish a bona fide doctor patient relship here. i’ll just come see you again in 3 months, say i have the same arm pain, and you can give me a rec then. i can wait 3 months. i’ll pay for a second visit, even a THIRD visit.

then try to be the best employee ever, learning so much, showing so much initiative, buying treats for everyone, shit i’ll make cookies if i have to. be like hey boss i was reading the journal of blabla the other day and it said this, or did you see this ted talk by cheryl sandberg, can I capture your thoughts on that.

i mean it was a quiet office, the phone wasnt ringing off the hook, yeah i would like to have this job! its super close, took less than 10 minutes to drive there. wasnt a call center, people are nice.

i mean honestly. i was able to handle an insane working environment for a FULL YEAR. 40+ hours a week of torture in the sense of constant panic and dread and fear and anxiety. and i improved and earned respect and eventually became a Good, Reliable, Trusted person. Top 40% material hahahaha.

i cannot forget that it was not the job alone that pushed me over the edge, but the COMBINATION of BOTH the job AND the woman. AND if things had worked out better with the woman, things PROBABLY would have worked out better with the job. and now im afraid all jobs will be that bad. well they CANT be, even a shitty call center would be better because That Woman wouldnt be there!

world series. who gives a fook. normies making 50k a year, with families and kids, thats who.

heh. millennial woes really needs to do a road trip rather than just visit west and east coast. i mean dnations have already paid for this whole thing. thats fine. just get in a car and see some of White Middle America. it might leave him a little more optimistic is all. all of us is not like cali or NY or DC!!!!!

also he needed to spend a few days in LA and not just go right to San fran. although i guess san fran is full of asians, but they are all tech asians making 300k a year and not being violent.

http://mpcdot.com/forums/topic/9182-all-apologies-why-i-architected-the-modern-social-justice-movement/

weev does a lot of good posting on MPC

i donate .14 euros to weev per week hahahaha. this has accumulated over several months to where it can be said that i have indeed bought weev a hearty meal hehehehe.

i mean i dont like how he makes hacking sound so EASY. oh just pick up a book on python or C. I have spent…6 hours a week, 26 weeks, 156 hours at least doing C++, and i dont feel it really GOT me anywhere. I’m like, this si fooking POINTLESS, its not gonna help me make 12 dollars an hour, you need to do at least 14880 hours on it at then you can make 15 dollars an hour.

”  Turning mentally ill women into a salaried force incentivized to act as badly as possible towards disinterested nerds in public paid huge dividends.   ”

heheheh what about INTERESTED nerds. totally humiliating supplicating omega orbiters is what im getting at.

anyway i luv weev, he’s in muh top tier, i will continue giving him .14 euros a week hahahahaha. up to a limit of 20 USD a year hehehehe. maybe moar if i ever get a job hahahahaha.

anyway women are so NIHILISTIC. SEX means nothing to them, RELS mean nothing to them, PEOPLE mean nothing to them. they treat everything as cheap and disposable. throwaway. EVERYTHINGS a throwaway. know someone for years, they’re just as disposable as some one night stand guy, just as disposable as the new life you casually create with that sexy stranger. LIFE IS CHEAP.

yeah well i dont think its so fookin CHEAP!

wewlad finally had a good calorie day today. it is SO HARD lately. i can eat 1200 calories in one meal.

took 75% dose of nyquil, would prefer some MJ like a degen

well its nice to know women can get heartbroken the same way men can!

yeah if you want it 1-3 times every day, you ARE a “sex addict”, ya dumb B. at the very least, a NYMPHOMANIAC. anyone who MUH DICKS THAT much is a DEGEN. high sex drive. suck muh dick bitch hahahaha. there are more important things in life than your SEX DRIVE, ya degen. try doing an ACTUAL JOB where you creat ACTUAL value, and not get paid to do MORE masturbation. serve angry customers. serve tables. deal with people. do stuff. get really confused. panic. go bald from the stress.

i never said you couldnt have male friends. i just say its pretty sketchy when your BEST FRIEND is a man. just like is sketchy when a MAN’s BEST friend is a WOMAN. i would guess in at least 75% of these, there are feelings involved. maybe requited feelings, but still feelings that will complicate the friendship bigtime.

friends is fine…..BEST FRIENDS is not.

 

 

yeah i mean its better when the guy is CONFIRMED gay homosexual. i guess its ok if they are an ugly omega niceguy. well, no its not, because she shouldnt encourage the attention of some poor niceguy sadsack who is OBVIOUSLY in LUV with her. she shouldnt ALLOW that kind of guy to become her BEST FRIEND.

again just throwing pretty important concepts around LIKE THEY MEAN NOTHING.

NIHILISTS.

hehehehehe.

good to see that even the degenerate nihilist women on reddit think this situation is Problematic hehehe.

weev used to say some drugs were ok, but now he is taking the standard WN line that all drugs are always bad, included degenerate negro MJ. LIFT AND HACK, he says.

which IS great advice. and i agree MJ is TECHNICALLY degen. but i still really WANT it. maybe i will want it less once i go through another phase hehehehe. i mean i just WANT it! i would NOT brag about it to WN’s becuase I TOTALLY understand their position.

but if i cant have MJ then i will take nyquil every 3 days until i DO get some mj, and it WILL be a large amount, 75 to 100 dollars worth.

https://mpcdot.com/forums/topic/7751-why-one-relationship-is-better-than-many/page__view__findpost__p__167164

pmans award winning post hehehehe

https://mpcdot.com/forums/topic/69-the-nerd-sex/

very intelligent fun reading, i cannot discourage reading MPC and should put it in the permanent links.

http://mpcdot.com/forums/topic/7687-mpc-pua-lounge-no-incels-vocels-mensucels-or-other-cels/#entry186995

getting into a little MPC phase here.

i like the super smart tone, it is kinda like heartiste, but less degen. well i think heartiste was kinda instrumental in MPC’s origin, maybe a feud/banning with heartiste and pleasureman, something stupid and dramatic.

obviously heartiste is pro-white and pro-family values, but MPC seems to be a bit more blatantly in signalling against degen slut banging.

but yeah PMan i think prob has real issues with women, and i can relate. he might be like me if i were MUCH more successful in life, a little bit more successful with women but still couldnt get a long term waifu, were much more confident, and continued to drink.  yeah thats a lot of what ifs hahaha. i would totally take it, just for the Successful Career, Money, Status, Confidence, and Experience.

looking for personal relships with women thread hahahaha. i will totally take rel advice from the smart men of MPC!

yeah they will say, be a winner in life, do something important, find a decent woman at church, etc. prob very similar to what TRS would say. be a huge ubermensch and not a neet loser. decent women dont go for loser men. faint hearts do not win fair ladies. be a man worth getting a good woman. until you lift yourself up from neetness, dont even think about women.

yeah well until i become a winner, i’d still like to read about other peoples rels and their rel probs, so i might better approach similar probs if i ever get a rel, which i very well may not hahahahaha.

heh. not sure if its the nyquil or the low calorie diet, but just no energy. i should LIFT but even the idea of doing 10 pushups is intimidating hehehe.

so i ate huge bowl of cereal that was HALF of my entire DAYS worth of calories hehehehe.

all the food for one day. less than 2 bowls of cereal.

to be fair, it was a HUGE bowl of cereal, 3.25 servings of cereal. 100 grams hahahaha.

http://mpcdot.com/forums/topic/7979-the-incel-revolution-starts-now/

yeah i put MPC in the permalinks. cant not recommend this great forum hahahaha.

ok. no more interviews in the Pipeline. got to apply to something today. sheeeeeeeeeeit. fook all these phaggots. bitches can suck muh d. hahaha.

do i am nowhere near as narcissistic as elliott rodger. he couldnt admit anywhere in his weak ass short 150 page manifesto that he had any responsibility. in my 148800000000000000 page manifesto, i admit my own responsibility on every page. but women do have some responsibility to not be such narcissistic, sociopathic, immoral, nihilistic, hedonistic, negroistic sluts. semen demons hahahaha. muh dick. bix nood muhfugga.

treat people better than inconvenient fetuses you abort, your own children you coldly murder!

hehehehehe.

some really truly HATEFUL black metal. pretty fast too, lots of fast blasts. this is the kind of mood i am in nao hahaha. they just came out with their first album in 10 years. since this album as a matter of fact.

sheeeeit just tortured myself for 22 minutes apply to 2 jobs hahahaha. see the thing is now, i have my choice employers that i jump to apply to…….but ive applied to 30, 40, 50 jobs with them over the last 4 months and pretty much KNOW i’m gonna get auto rejected, probably for the gap. well, with the county at least, they brought me in for 2 interviews, so, im not gonna fully say fook the county. but they DO always reject me for the 26k jobs, no interview. i think they must be telling me, set my sights higher hahahaha.

and the hospital ALWAYSSSSSSSSS rejects me, has not had me in for one real interview, but toyed with me TWICE in a very unprofessional manner. them i am veyr close to saying fook off back to africa hahahahaha. israhell.

497 jobs here. going SO slow. have slowed down SOOO much. better make the 500th a good one.

 

 

another classic muh GF has a BEST FRIEND whos a guy. NO. FOOK THAT SHIT.

 

 

good lord what a fooked up crazy bitch who is turning this guy into a crazy b as well. hope reddit doesnt jump on him for doing something wrong.  THIS is how fooked up women are, a MAN would NEVER do something this crazy. the guy is now going so crazy hes wondering if he should turn himself into the police for raep. COME ON.

 

difficult situation where guy gets feels for his female friend, she rejects him, then gets mad and calls him a nice guy creep when he decides he needs space. what will reddit say? i say the guy is in the right, and the gurl is wrong and immature. thankfully reddit seems to agree. see reddit isnt all bad.

heh. whenever i read a womans issue, i think, well why dont you just LEAVE him. why do you even CARE. why dont you just ignore and block him. just dump him. just leave him. its so easy for you women to just LEAVE men.

but its not easy when they LUV the men. then they come on to reddit and ask how can i FIX this. they dont WANT to just leave him. wish i had that kind of luv from that woman!

why do you even care about this guy? why dont you just leave him? its so easy!

and of course reddit likes to always advise “dump the mfin asshole” hahahaha

and i dont think i was THAT huge of an ASSHOLE that i needed to be dumped with SUCH extreme prejudice hehehe.

ok fair enough. ive said my piece. peace. whatever. hahaha. sheeeeeeeeeeit.

 

they say don’t confess your feelings, but always “ask her out on a date.” i am a little wtf about this. i would say, yeah dont say IM IN LUV WITH YOU COMPLETELY, play that down and be like, hey i think i might sorta like like you, so lets Go Out On A Date to Olive Garden saturday night at 6pm, I’m buying.

being sort of facetious about olive garden of course. but im not sure if i would like some swpl snob leftist shitlib who thinks theyre TOO GOOD for olive garden.

good day for men with unrequited feelings for their female friends. this should really be a new flair subcategory.

nov 5

WAITING IN THE WINGS

THATS what she thought i was doing, and thats why she was so mad at me, thought i betrayed her.

its kinda like ulterior motives, and its kinda hard to disprove, because you gotta be willing to take the person (me) at their word: i wasnt waiting in the wings, ITS NOT WHAT IT LOOKS LIKE, I SWEAR!

and its NOT what it looks like!

but it REALLY looks like that to the other person.

i mean yeah, there is just too much reasonable doubt for her. my feelings changed right as she became single? it looks just like waiting in the wings! like i was waiting to SWOOP IN!

i wasnt really waiting in the wings…..but her becoming single DID make me think and feel about her differently! like, we get along, we are good friends, maybe we should THINK about this, i never really thought about this before, because i just wasnt used to you being single ever.

does it count as waiting in the wings if you dont do anything to break the people up?

but just passively wait there? i guess so. and it makes the woman hate you more for being a passive spineless pussy hahaha.

yeah but my JSUTIFICATION was that i didnt WANT them the break up because I wasnt WAITING for her because I didnt LIKE her until AFTER she broke up with him!!!!!

so yeah that is a very exact complicated thing to understand, and she has to be willing to listen to me and try to understand it, and i can understand why she wasnt willing to try to understand it. because it reasonably LOOKS kind of shady.

but it can go both ways! and I was hoping, probably not unreasonably, that she would give me the benefit of the doubt, because i wasnt some Shady Rando, so at least LISTEN to my side of the story! Im not some damn Rando Shady Creep!

I KNOW it looks bad to you and to 50% of people. just LET ME EXPLAIN.

of course who says ITS NOT WHAT IT LOOKS LIKE, LET ME EXPLAIN?

people who are caught red handed doing something obviously, indefensibly wrong!

but i DO have a legitimate defense! thats why i wanted an arbitrator, or at least a chance to defend myself!

COULD I CONVINCE A JURY that my defense is legitimate? i think so!

because i can say that my feelings changed officially in october 2014, and she was finished with longterm in bf in june 2014…..and prob earlier.

in july 2014 i had the first rumblings but tried to ignore it.

by oct 2014 i was like im not gonna ignore this any more. i will accept this.

had a dream last night featuring woman1, the first woman i ever went crazy for. i was 20-21 and she was like 23, actually older than me. weird to think that now she is mid to late thirties and is reaching the end of her “fertility”, so if she hasn’t had children by now……..she’s fooked.

anyway it was a pleasant dream, i was holding her close and grabbing her meaty ass.

but yeah waiting in the wings is when you have ulterior motives. i didnt have ulterior motives, therefore i was not waiting in the wings. but because of the timeframe, my motives might have looked ulterior to someone who wasnt willing to listen to my side of the story ehehe.

went to church, the most beautiful girl in church came in and sat next to ME. well, about 4 seats down from me, so that I couldnt really see her without making it obvious that i was staring at her. she was wearing a knee length skirt (acceptable level of modesty for me!) and i dunno a sweater or something acceptably modest on top. but you could still tell that she was a beautiful young woman. probably a little too young. 19, 20 years old. red hair. pale white skin. tall, long legs. yes that is my weakness.

i instantly got fantasies of White Knighting and Providing and Protecting, cuddling with her, and being a Big Strong Man For Her. Protecting and Providing. VERY natural and very nondegen, pure, good, moral, nonjooified feelings. nothing pornographic or jooified.

then i thought, well, while i’m thinking that abotu her, she’s fantasizing about getting fooked by chad, or worse, tyrone. thinking about pornographic jooish SODOMY, muh dick, oh yeah i wanna suck dick, get fooked by dick, get filled up by dick and bend over for dick and get fooked hard like a little slut.

while I’m thinking of being king arthur with my gallant shit here.

well i have NO PROOF that that gurl was thinking such jooish, pornographic, sodomite shit.

in fact, the less you watch that filth, the less you think like that.

so thats why i dont watch that shit any more. but the damage is already done. i watched a lot of that jooish garbage, so now i think that way.

another thing that poisons the white mind is university/college. they basically all need to be shut down. you are scooping out healthy white minds and filling their heads with jooish pseudointellectual pornography, masturbation. turning whites into joos. its HORRIBLE.

anyway, a young gurl who goes to CHURCH of her own initiative (she was there by herself, no family or Boifran hehehehe) is probably less of a pornographic jooish sodomite in their mind, than some neet watching jooish porn all day. so she PROBABLY wasnt thinking about SODOMY. she probably doesnt need to be MANSPLAINED to about how casual sex is bad and being a slut is bad and abortion is bad. she already Implicitly KNOWS all this.

so why didnt i Ask Her Out On A Date? well terribly low confidence from being a 30+ year old neet loser. but at least my BMI is 21.3! so that means i could pull a woman of minimum BMI 31.3 HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA (hint: over 30 is OBESE)

ALSO, if you take the (age/2)+7 rule……she would be TOO YOUNG for me hahahahaha. what about +3 hahahahaha.

also, an old man came and sat between me and her. i bet he wanted to protect and provide for her too hahahaha.

but yeah the horrible pornified way of thinking is still seared in muh mind. thinking that women are these dirty nympho sluts that like to get fooked like meat. they LIKE being DEGRADED.

years of watching porno has PERMANENTLY WARPED MY MIND.

so why not just say fook it and continue watching it?

well because i think i have improved at least a little. also i just dont WANT to watch it!!!!

anyway. there was ANOTHER cute young girl in church today (usually there are none, OR lets just say they are closer to 16 than to 18, yikes) but she was not as pretty. did not have long legs, not as pale white skin, she might have even had some nonwhite in her! she was with her young BF. it was nice they were going to church together. he had dark hair too but looked a lot whiter. she could have been part arab or italian or something hahahahaha. greek. turkish. albanian.

main point is, she was wearing tight exercise pants that are NOT appropriate in church, or even at the gym. theres a thread on MPC right now about this hehehehe. supposedly its EASY and CONVENIENT to dress like this. im sure it is, but its also easy for me to wear Baggy Sweatpants that arent GLUED to my ass and crotch. it puts the womens bodies, asses, genitals on display in a vulgar, immodest, degen, jooified, sodomitic way that its like theyre barely wearing clothes at all.

flanders feels like im wearin nothin at all!.wav

abwvo4u

stupid sexy flanders

so thats the damn POINT. its just as QUICK and EASY and CONVENIENT to wear something more MODEST.

it would be like MEN wearing SPEEDO or that stupid borat Onesie everywhere. to walmart. to church.

but thats not SECSY!!!!!!

the way an 18 year old girl with 21 BMI is !

well borat has a healthy BMI too, he’s not a fat slob, just Hairy and Gross.

well my point is. its immodest clothing that shows too damn much of your naked body!

(yes flanders of all people should know better!)

anyway i am wearing a pair of large sweatpants and they are super big. i could probably wear medium and it would be just fine. and that would be fine for most women too. why cant you just wear non-skin-tight sweatpants instead of super-skin-tight YOGA pants???!?!?!??!?!

isnt it HARD to STUFF yourself into pants that are SO TIGHT they show every curve of your ass?

JUST WEAR SWEATPANTS.

theres this fashion idea that sweatpants are the Least Sexy Thing Ever.

YOU DONT NEED TO LOOK SEXY ALL THE TIME!!!!!!!!

In fact, you really don’t EVER need to look SEXY. Not even in the Bedroom.

you dont need to look sexy at the gym, at the store, in public, at church.

so yeah. its JOOISH and PORNOGRAPHIC and SODOMITIC for everything to be so goddamn sexualized. you dont NEED to look SEXY!!!!!!!! its not BAD to not look sexy! just because youre not looking SEXY doesnt mean you have to look like a people of walmart fat slob!!!!!!!

dont wear skintight sexy clothes to the gym, which is a PUBLIC PLACE with lots of horny nonwhites who LOVE staring at young healthy women in skintight clothing!!!!!!

so yeah i hate this “its easy and comfortable” excuse.

and i liked that That Woman never dressed like that.

TO MY KNOWLEDGE hahahahahaha.

here’s two qt gurls, at CHURCH, and its obvious that one GET IT, and the other has NO IDEA.

thing is, the gurl wearing skintight pants to church probably ISNT a huge whore, she’s just a 18 year old gurl who doesnt know any better. and her father is either Gone, or Weak, or he’s a fat sodomite slob who jerks off to pictures of 20 year old girls wearing YOGA PANTS. its just what young girls wear nowadays. OH GOODY. MORE HOT ASSES TO JERK OFF TO. I think they are honestly so dense that they dont see that their OWN DAMN DAUGHTER LOOKS LIKE THAT. otherwise they would forbid their daughter from wearing clothes like that and looking like a damn SLUT.

i got a great idea: rent a car, DRIVE TO COLORADO, buy a LOT of MJ, then very carefully drive the car back over several states hahahaha. yeah thats prob a felony sooooo i dont advocate or support or recommend this. just wondering if people DO do it.

https://www.google.com/webhp?sourceid=chrome-instant&ion=1&espv=2&ie=UTF-8#q=smuggling%20weed%20out%20of%20colorado

http://www.pbs.org/newshour/updates/illegal-crossing-heres-weed-authorities-confiscated-nebraska-colorado-border/

http://www.usatoday.com/story/news/2016/05/13/when-smuggling-colo-pot-not-even-skys-limit/83623226/

http://bigbudsmag.com/beware-the-highway-police-vultures-br-waiting-to-swoop-on-marijuana-transporters/

https://www.washingtonpost.com/politics/at-colorados-borders-a-dividing-line-over-marijuana/2014/07/26/729c6462-06ac-11e4-bbf1-cc51275e7f8f_story.html

yeayea wapo is jooish trash i know

anyway its probably not worth it, they still bust a lot of people in nebraska and kansas it seems.

hmmm this is tuffer than im not haaaaaaaappy i think i wanna open our rel. this is yasssss i want to get MARRIED but i ALSO want to do this just this one time.

DUMP THE BITCH!

DITCH THE BITCH AND LETS GO FISHIN!!!!!!!

your not in a rel anymore, she dumped you, so you dont get to be mad about her fooking other guys!!!! hahahaha.

this is why you dont end the rel until you MOVE OUT FIRST.

THEN dump the guy.

THEN start fooking other guys super quickly and sending them noods.

just normal 21 yo gurl shit.

i mean a 21 year old should know shit is gonna get weird when you dump a guy, break his heart, THEN CONTINUE TO LIVE WITH HIM.  HOW DID YOU THINK HE WAS GONNA FEEL? HAPPY THAT YOU WERE BANGING OTHER GUYS RIGHT IN FRONT OF HIM AFTER YOU DUMPED HIM AND STILL LIVING WITH HIM?

why do they HAVE to add insult to injury? isnt it enough just to INJURE someone hahahaha.

why couldnt she just suck it up for 2 months until the lease ends, then be like, yep im dumping you, have a good life; OR find somewhere else to stay; OR be more private with her slut shit and not RUB IT IN HIS FACE.

Ive never been in OP’s situation THANK GOD, but i STILL know the right thing to do! and i prob would have known when i was a 21 year old idiot! because i have EMPATHY, unlike these WOMEN!

WOMEN HAVE NO EMPATHY!!!! MEN HAVE MUCH MORE EMPATHY THAN WOMEN!!!!!

oh so its HIS fault because he’s not SUCCESSFUL enough that he DROVE her to cheating, and her not wanting to fix the rel. i hate seeing men who are not at fault, BLAME themselves like its their damn fault their gf is trash!!!!!!!!

 

NEVER TRUST NONNEVERGF NORMIES

nov 1

sheeeeeeeeeeit rejected for the part time city job, 15 an hour, was hopign for this as a kind of baby steps, training wheels, safety net. they had THREE positions open so i thought i had a chance. sent thank you emails to the three people on interview panel. (representing the three departments/positions.) got rejection email today. spent 14 minutes on application, 90 minutes in first test, 30 minutes on second test, 40 minutes on interview, and rejected. damn.

well, they either have promised the jobs to family members, and or they are looking for an older married woman who is looking for part time job AND NOT full time job. because i made a statement like, “a full time position is my #1 priority.” basically saying to them its not my first choice that this job is part time. and you want a candidate who makes you a #1 Priority not an option!

i dunno, i’ll never know.

but yeah thats disappointing. believe me a part time baby steps job would be a BIG DEAL and possible LIFE CHANGER, just for showing that I can HANDLE some kind of Employment without completely losing my mind and running away panicquitting!

its kinda hard convincing someone “its company policy, you cant do that” if the company policy isnt WRITTEN DOWN anywhere, AND there is no good faith attempt at an explanation. you figure there is always some wizard in the back room with 2 years of experience (hehehehe) who knows the Secret Way Around Things. but you have just as much access to this Guru Ninja, as Joe Flabeetz off the Streetz!!!!!!

i was thinking of a stupid case just today, and i should make a GOod Story out of it while its fresh in my mind.

caller is moving to another company location 1 mile away. caller wants to move his client list from location 1 to location 2. he figures thats reasonable. calls, gets me, asks me to do that for him / get that process started. i say ok let me put you on hold for a few minutes while i figure this out. cant find any good articles. ask the people around me because i dont want to get Dinged for going into the Official Advice Chat, because that shows you arent trying hard enough to figure it out on your own, and just want your Hand Held. people around me say you cant do that, cant be done, and continue focusing on their own cases. Really, I say? why not? what should I tell this guy? just tell him it can’t be done. company policy. yeah but why? and couldn’t there possibly be a way to just copy the files manually to a flash drive, then load them into the other office? i mean these are all just FILES, right? why can’t you move a file from one computer to another? I mean yeah I know all the files look like WKDNSUH193734940.ngr and are in 1488 different locations, but…..isnt that what we have tier 2 and 3 for? this has got to be an escalated case right? people around me sigh and say, well, youre getting way too deep, plus theyre gonna say no anyway, that would take way too much time, but if you want to ask for escalation, go ahead, theyre just gonna say no, nothing we can do. and im like WRONG, there IS stuff we can do, but just be straight with me and my caller that it would take to much time and money, I can understand that, he can understand that.

i guess the reason you cant move a client list is so that people can’t “steal” their client information when they leave the company, and use that to start their own business or something.

yeah but this guys not leaving the company! he’s just moving to a different office! a fairly common thing!!!!

so i still dont understand. but for the purposes of my Story that i’m gonna tell the interviewer, i have to make it look like i made sense out of all this.

i think i just said, yeah i checked, this cant be done, i guess its security policy so people can’t easily leave the company with their client lists, sorry, i tried. and he was like ok fine i guess. thats our company for you, always getting in the way with stupid policies.

maybe im asking too much with a minimum of 12 dollars an hour. maybe i should drop it down to 10 dollars an hour. i see more 10 dollar an hour job openings than 12 dollars an hour.

maybe in another year of joblessness hahahahahaha.

anyway a good answer for that guy would be, welp, it would be FASTER and CHEAPER for you to sit there in the first office, print out 2000 pages of paper for all the clients files, and then bring the boxes of printouts to the new office, and manually reenter them into that computer, than it would be to transfer the files from one office to another.

but youre kidding me. i mean i get the security thing if the employee is permanently leaving. but employees transfer offices ALL THE TIME. YOURE TELLING ME that for the 100 employees that are transferred to a different office EVERY DAY, theres NO WAY for them to have access to their old files from the new office? that doesnt even make sense how that would be a policy!

i understand completely. if you’d like to dispute the policy, the best person to speak to is the office manager.

I AM THE OFFICE MANAGER!

I mean, speak to YOUR manager, the district manager.

HE SAID TO CALL YOU!!!!

And I’m saying to call him and say that we can’t fix this. I’m not sure he can fix this, but he sure has a better chance at having more power than me.

well why cant you just trasnfer me to YOUR manager? certainly they have more power than you?

yeah they have too many cases and they dont think this case is worthwhile. sorry.

I want to hear this from them.

OK I’ll request a callback, but can’t give you a time other than to say it will be within the next 72 hours. And I can’t give you the person’s name. it could be any of 20 people.

you have 20 managers?

no, see, the managers don’t know anything. they only know how to MANAGE, and they dont do that very well. I’m having a level 2 person call you. they’re like level 1 people who have been around for 3 years and actually know stuff and can explain stuff. sorta.

i cant make this up folks. i worried that my fam would think i was weird or homosexual because i never talked to gurls, never had a GF, never had female friends, come on fam im 23, 25 years old, dont you think this is WEIRD? dont you worry im a weird pedophile? then i got to 30 with no GF, no female friends, and it was a lot easier hahahaha. it was like yep thats just the way he is. terrible with the ladies. but they never SAID i was weird or that they were disappointed. i thought it was weird that they didnt THINK it was weird, cuz i sure thought it was weird!

shit. might as well listen to that new deathspell omega album. not even excited. not sure i could get excited about a metal album ever again. new darkthrone album was kinda disappointing. what if boortzum made a new metal album? it would prob be disappointing like his last metal album. ok then what about muh boy mikko makes a new album? well see i didnt even really get into his new vapaudenristi album. i would prob get excited about a new stabat mater album hahahahahaha. we are abotu due for one of those.  uhhhh metal. big metal fan. yep.

mgla? yeah thats probably the most excited id get about a new metal album.

nonmetal album? i dunno. leonard cohen comes out with new albums and i dont even care, tom waits could prob come out with a new album and i wouldnt care, cuz i was underwhelmed by his last album like 5 years ago hahahaha. cmon tom.

tom waits net worth is 25 million hahahahaha.

heh. rej email for a 32k job. well, thats way more than 26k hahahaha. but ok well this is the county. i have been interviewed by the county for a….33k job and a 40k job. really would have liked that 40k job. but i get rejected for all the 26k, 28k jobs i apply for with the county. you gotta go to harvard or mit to get a 26k job with the county apparently hahahahaha.

OR JUST NOT HAVE A 15 MONTH GAP hahahahaha is much more like it!

if i ever got a gf i could see it being like this hahahahaha. but at least he cares about dumping her in a good way rather than just Ghosting and Blocking her hahahahaha.

yeah thats the hard thing when things END right in the middle of Your Honeymoon Period, is that it takes much longer to get over, becuase youre always thinking WHAT IF, WHAT IF, WHAT IF. you never got bored with them, you never got in a rut, you never thought maybe the grass is greener, they were always your perfect angel, never though, welp im bored with this person, they dont CHALLENGE me to be a BETTER PERSON, hahahahaha hahahaha.  or whatever bullshit hahahaha.

well honestly when you are in true honeymoon period, you DO feel like you want to be a better person because of them, the cliche is true!

i guess…..well you know you get that feeling of please just escalate this case, i dont know what im doing, this is above my paygrade, i dont know how to explain this, i just want another person to look at this and at least give them a better reason…..but youre not getting approval to escalate, and you sound like an idiot. in hindsight, the best thing to do would be, plan on staying an extra hour just to work on their case, and be like, i’ll call you back at 630 pm. thats the best i can do. because noone else is willing or able to look at this. and i need like an hour to figure it out. but i dont have an hour because we have calls in queue and i’m already over 20 minutes with your call. so im gonna sacrifice my family time so i can do work for free, for you. so you better tell my manager i deserve a promotion. not some diversity person from outside of the company.

listened to the new DsO. sounded just like the old DsO hahahahahaha. jangly and angular and chaotic and noisy and confusing. it sounds like what my mind felt like trying to do my old job. jumbled and confused and making no sense. anyway nothing new in DsO’s bag of tricks. total emperor has no clothes. they cannot get away with this any longer hahahahaha. just an exercise in wankery. yeah i kinda like crazy blast beats behind semi-clean guitars, yeah i like mikko, yeah they have their own STYLE of weird nonsense music, so you could tell them apart from other “math rock” or “technical” groups………but I guess Im just not super into the technical stuff.

i mean honestly. WHAT ARE YOUR MUSICAL INFLUENCES. thats what i would ask him. probably a lot of jazz hahaha. ornette coleman hahaha.

it sounds just like all their other albums, a pile of noise hahahahahahahahaha. smoke and mirrors. if he was actually down to earth enough to give an interview, people would say, yeah you know youre not as good as you think you are, ya underachieving autist hahahahahaha.  go make some more money at your normiejob and go cuddle with your tradwife hahahaha.

enjoy your beautiful part of france where there are beautiful mountains and forests and small towns and white people and no browns like in godforsaken paris. or calais hahahaha.

fooking k1ke bastards. cant even hire me for a part time job. was it because they can TELL im not a NORMIE? just like WOMEN can tell hahahah.

no thats not true, even THAT WOMAN didnt realize how much of a nonnormie i was! and she didnt Block me because she realized exactly HOW fooked up i was, she just blocked me because she was a coward. for all she knows, im a total normie who dates wimmin hahaha.  i mean this reflects worse on her than it does on me.

https://www.google.com/webhp?sourceid=chrome-instant&rlz=1C1NHXL_enUS687US687&ion=1&espv=2&ie=UTF-8#q=what%20to%20say%20in%20any%20situation

namely, any DIFFICULT/TUFF situation hahahahaha.

http://www.socialanxietysupport.com/forum/f21/anyone-else-have-a-job-but-no-life-339841/index5.html

heh i should put SAS in the sidebar o links, decent forum. bunch sad sacks with no friends, no gf, some have jobs, some dont.

how did they GET these jobs?

yeah its muh GAP which is hurting me more than my lack of Interviewing Charisma. I actually have prob around average interview skills. better than that woman hahahahahahahahahaha who i still think about and compare myself to even though she has been out of my life forever for 16 months and is never coming back.

yeah the whole reason i LUV MJ now is because i used WAY TOO MUCH of it in my youth, age 25 and earlier. big mistake. never should have. but ive screwed the pooch now. because i ruined myself when i was young, i will pretty much always be addicted to w33d hahahaha. in that i am ALWAYS thinking about it, EVERY DAY, even when I only have it once every 200 days, im thinking about it all the other 199 days.  yes it sucks but DEAL WITH IT.

and the best way to do that, is just get a job any job ASAP,  find a MJ Hookup ASAP, and make a Big Buy ASAP. like $100 at least. buy a BIG bag of MJ.

get on disability because i have too much anxiety to work a job like a normie, then spend money on MJ hahaha.

those fookin phaggots rejecting me for the part time job when there were THREE openings. god damn. 3 openings and less than 30 people in the running. how the HELL was i not in the top 20%? where DID I rank? HOW close was I to getting the job? and what if i WASNT EVEN CLOSE?

again they probably wanted somebody who was perfectly happy with part time job, rather than someone who admitted yeah my goal is to get a full time job. probably hired a retired 65 year old person who just wanted something to DO to keep from getting BORED with retirement hahahahaha. fookin baby boomers.

rather than 50 year old people who are FORCED into early retirement and have to eat dogfood and live in section 8 housing with negros hahahahaha. elderly white people living in the black ghetto, eating dogfood. which is also black slang for heron.

ANYWAY. so i will crap on deathspell omega because……they are FRUSTRATING. basically they intentionally gave up catchy riffs in favor of super uncatchy “riffs” and its like they did this on purpose, they are purposely frustrating, and i liked that when i was 16 but now that i am over twice that age, im like, i want to listen to music to ENJOY it, not to work hard and struggle to overcome challenges and confusion. i have a hard enough time doing that in my daily life. just give me good songs. and i know they are capable of that! my favorite DSO songs are their slower more melodic ones!!!! “carnal malefactor” eg. beautiful song. write more songs like that. or the first song on “drought” was slow and melodic and establishes a very nice dark ominous atmosphere, before they tear it all down with their nonsense riffs…..and the nonsense riffs on “paracletus” actually seemed to work most of the time.

im getting too old for this shit hahahahahaha.

yeah but they are even older than ME! they are close to 40!

probably MJ would make it more enjoyable. i wonder if “hasjarl” does MJ. PROBABLY. knowing that would take a lot of the MYSTIQUE out. like this article on insvisible oranges implies: it seems RIDICULOUS to think of a member of DSO doing mundane things like going to walmart or tuning the guitar or having a goofy moment in the studio. to that i would add just about anything: hanging out with their waifu, taking a dump, going to work, trying to explain shit to angry customers, visiting their family. but they do all these things just like normal people, and yeah maybe i CAN imagine these things all too well, and so i think, no need to TRY so hard buddy. I KNOW youre just a damn normie! i bet he just gets super stoned and is like oh heres another wanky riff in 88/14 time that normie squares who haven’t taken jazz band 101 wont understand hehehehe. hue hue hue hue. yeah well youre a normie too buddy.

mikko aspa might not be a normie tho hahahaha.

this guy has actually gotten to the point of casual secs and can conclusively say that he is not impressed and he wants moar, but he just cant get to the second date. i mean if they FOOK on the first date, its a safe assumption theyre SOMEWHAT interested in you.  but noooooo they cant even fook you a second time!

i mean when a gurl FOOKS, how do you know whether she wants it ONLY ONCE, or more than once?

these stupid, stupid bitches. hahahaha. you think if he turned down the secs on the first date, then the women are gonna change their mind and want to go out with him for a second date?

WOMEN WHO FOOK ON THE FIRST DATE ARE NOT THE TYPE OF WOMEN YOU WANT TO HAVE A SECOND DATE WITH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

but nobody understands this anymore. there is not enough SLUT SHAMING!!!!!

treat people like actual people, human beings with feelings and hearts! thats how i treat women in real life! i talk a LOT of shit about women in general on teh internet, but in real life, with real women, I DO NO HARM!!!!!!!!!!

nov 2

yeah i was/am kinda pissed about getting rejected for the pt 15 an hour job with THREE openings. couldnt even get ONE of em. couldnt even get the WORST one.

interview tomorrow for goddamn ELEVEN dollar PT job, which is normally too low to consider for me, but i like the company, its close, i worked there before, i would luv to get FT job there, and ive had THREE interviews with them for pt 11 dollar jobs, all rejected, and the 4th tomorrow. (4 separate jobs.)

would LOVE to get call this week from the 2 other companies i int at last week. would def be disappointed af to get rej emails from them. not really PISSED, but definitely disappointed and weakened confidence. it cant get much lower folks hahahaha.

trump does not view women as full human beings, says hitlery hahahahaha. i thought, well, neither do I, but I would never want to personally do them harm. AND I view them as about 80% human beings, thats pretty good right?

still doesnt mean i would TREAT them as 80% humans, i wouldnt treat them like they have treated me hahahaha. they have treated ME like less than 80% human!!!!!!!!

anyway who cares. my new thing with interviews is, just memorize 10 stories in great detail.

let the STORIES be your guide.

i didnt know what i was doing, i couldnt explain the bad news to the caller because i didnt understand, i didnt udnetstand enough to ask the right questions to muh superiors, i got flustered. so i went home and studied the stuff until i did understand it. then the next day i called the caller again and gave them a better explanation.

even though most times just studying will nto give you the EXPLANATION you want. you still have to deduce the explanation for yourself out of the most unclear material. or speculate a reason or rationale or explanation why you Cant Do This, because nothing is given in a written company policy.

its usually safe to assume Money Is The Reason. saving money. and then you have to come up with a tactful way to explain that to the customer, we cant help you because it costs too much money.

i was watching this retarded show “taboo” which is semi entertaining, and then they did a show about “the limits of female beauty” or something and had a bit on The Most Anorexic Woman in the World, a french woman who LITERALLY looked like A Skeleton. I mean her actual FACE as well as her body was Emaciated AF and she looked like the Sloth Guy in the move Seven. looking at that face as haunting and horrifying. i said NOPE NOT GONNA WATCH THIS and i felt dirty being complicit in this very jooish exploitation.

id actually seen the episode before a few years ago. i recall they said this woman DIED shortly after the episode was completed. she was like 30 years old and LITERALLY at deaths door as they were filming, she was that bad, and she LOOKED that bad. it was HORRIFYING.

i know i was disturbed when i watched in the first time and when they showed her this time, i was super disturbed and just turned the show off. how jooish can you get.

 

sheeeeeit thats that type of stuff i worry about, now this poor sap is living it! guarantee this will be [removed] quickly hahahaha like most of the sweet reddits i post.

what if that woman did something like that? it wouldnt matter because she has been Ripped Out of my life for the past 16 months. 480 days hahahaha. who cares. doesnt matter. its all over. get over it.

so yeah my work stories suck because basically it was me getting flustered and saying uhh yeah i guess we cant do this, sorry, just deal with it, anything else i can help you with? so again, i have to SPIN those stories to show that I did Follow Up research to understand shit, and did callbacks to Clarify shit, in a world where NOTHING WAS CLEAR. half the time documentation didnt even EXIST. and the documentation that DID exist was WRONG, out of date, and or confusing/UNCLEAR AF.

and the people you can ask for help are often as unhelpful and unclear as the unclear shit you are asking for clarification on, so you learn to try to Figure It Out yourself.

anyway. ive sort of met the guy i will be talking to tomorrow. he used to walk through my department and i would give him a friendly greeting whenever i saw him. he seemed nice enough that he is actually the type who says hello to people, and i am the same way. yes thats right. im not this huge hateful asshole in real life. i am a scared coward who is so DESPERATE for peoples APPROVAL that i am super NICE to people all the time, like a total NICE GUY, the worst KIND of creep!!!!! hahahahahaha.

ok everybody wants approval. why cant we just call this golden rule. treat everyone the way you want to be treated. that is an even more valid explanation of me being nice to everybody. besides i dont stalk women like a nice guy. i send them a couple emails and let them throw me away with onyl minimal complaining.

i TALK like a huge abuser, but i have never ever ever abused a woman. but of course i worry that i would, because i TALK like an abuser when there are no women around. so its hard to tell. what is real and what is the mask?

i like to think im not REALLY an abuser. i have just been so disappointed by women that its very hard for me not to speak negatively of them. but alot of my stuff is legit criticism.

https://www.google.com/webhp?sourceid=chrome-instant&rlz=1C1NHXL_enUS687US687&ion=1&espv=2&ie=UTF-8#q=how%20do%20you%20convince%20people%20youre%20not%20an%20idiot

drop quotes by neil “magic black science man” tyson. maybe steven hawking. done.

http://archive.is/iSmnZ

stupid kyke hahahahaha why did i even trigger myself hahaha

http://introvertspring.com/introvert-may-slow-im-stupid/

yeah dont even tell the interviewer you are slightly introverted even as a way just to describe your personality is not super duper extraverted……..BECAUSE INTROVERTED IS A BAD WORD AND A BAD THING. Just say you are perfectly normal, a friendly polite person, and not necessarily the life of the party. Im just here to do a good job, not socialize. never let the word INTROVERT exit your lips. ANATHEMA.

i mean i havent done that recently, but i know i did at some point, maybe to explain why i prefer a Back Office Position over a Front Office Position.

they always say, ask her out on a DATE, BUT, problem is, youve been HANGING OUT a bit doing things that COULD be construed as datelike, where they only thing that changes is the word…..hey wanna go to dinner again…..but this time its a DATE???!?!?!?!?!?!?!??!?!?!

yeah ok fine. if this is what you have to do, i’ll accept that. i would just rather say “i am starting to get changing feelings for you and might want to DATE you” would be just as good.

anyway. MW is now in the US. and uploading vidyas regularly. hope he keeps doing that. if the “dangerous haggis tour” stops near me i would like to see him. this is exciting. i am excited for him. he is pretty excited. hopefully he hangs out with plenty of hardcore WN’s hahahaha. his first stop was staying with antidem in san f4gcisco. all i know about antidem is that he is a joo and was banned from TRS for that. hes probably one of the good ones, but…….not a great start. just go stay with greg johnson hahaha. well i know “grindr greggie” also stays near NYC as well. anyway i am SURE they will meet up. and i hope MW records as much of his visit as possible. record everything. documentary. its just fun. i am happy for him. he is a great guy. hope he doesnt bang that woman hahaha. because that woman might have gotten into alt right stuff since i stopped talking to her. hahahahaha. yeah right.

but young women will do weird celebrity worship shit tho. for example, say youre obsessed with the band sublime, so you Chat with the dead singers mother or something. what if That Woman got all into alt right, then skyped with MW for months, and said, if you ever come to the US you can stay with me…….and fook me every way imaginable! no man could turn that down!

when a purty 7/10 25 year old gurl is giving you attention, smiling at you, interested in you, wants to see you…….that is a BIG boost to the confidence!

you might think, well she’s not the sharpest knife in the drawer…..but she doesnt NEED to be! she just needs to be nice and friendly and interested!

so yeah. she could def fook MW if she wanted. she could fook ANY man she wanted. ANY woman can fook ANY man they want ehehehehe. well…..she prob couldnt fook the donald. but an E-list internet “celebrity”? absolutely.

ok ok thats enough on that person.

but we just had a REAL relship! FACT! and it was important to me! FACT! and my feelings are valid! FACT! i am entitled to be upset when i lose a Real Rel that was very important to me! FACT!

trust the process hahaha.

basically, any way you look at it, it was a REAL RELATIONSHIP, and I can’t say that about many women. maybe 2 other women, both just friends, but decent real friends. the women i pseudodated, those were just brief pseudorels, CASUAL rels, i didn’t really know them, these were NOT REAL RELS, so ultimately its prob easier to get over something THAT NEVER REALLY EXISTED.

this shit really existed though. objectively. there is ironclad EVIDENCE that would hold up in court.

so yeah. you can ghost on a casual “rel”, but when you ghost on a REAL rel…….IT HURTS.

the end.

heard about retired guy, had great 30+ year career with DoD, prob insane pension, good man, he’s done well, good white family, good white man. gets PT job in retirement to just get out of the house. scheduled like 4 hours a day. shift starts at 830 am, but he’s gotta start working at 745 am to finish the shit he has to finish by 11:30 am or whatever. i HATE this shit. doing 45 minutes of unpaid work, on a THREE HOUR shift. so you are giving them 33% PERCENT MORE, for FREE. that is like working OVER TWO HOURS FOR FREE on a regular 8-hour day.

30 minutes extra, ok fine. an hour, that’s pushing it. and i am talking about a full 8 hour day.

i HATE when you have to work off the clock just to finish the shit you HAVE to finish by the end of your shift. thats so fooking GAY and JOOISH and I BET that that shit happens a LOT more now than it did 20 years ago.

and like i said before, you cant even brag that you are GREAT about doing this, as a way to demonstrate your value, because you shouldnt even be doing this. no. just say you do the work in 8 hours what average people do in 10. and then actually stay 10 hours to do 10 hours of work. but clock out after 8. fooking skypes. hehehehe.

PURGE THE BERGS AND STEINS!!!!!!!!!!1

had weird dream last night where i was with Woman2005B aka woman4. She was a weird pale white awkward nerdy virgin, very innocent. but also kinda bitchy and unpleasant. i felt woman2015 That Woman was innocent and sweet like her, but an improvement because That Woman was MUCH nicer to me. haha.

anyway in the dream she was smuggling heroin or something like that, and then i was smuggling HER with the heroin. and i was worried about getting her K’d, because people were looking for her and her drugs. I stood to profit from the whole deal too. i had fee fees for her and she was being bitchy and difficult. on the whole the dream was pretty scary with threats of death and violence. pretty sure i got separated from her. i think there was the idea she had gotten captured and was being raept and tortured. and i felt classic survivors guilt, like i sold her out so i could survive.

anyway not a pleasant dream at all. i had to force myself to wake up, and i was glad i did, because it was getting pretty bad. then i turned over on my other side and stayed awake for a few mins, then went back to sleep, no more dream.

andrew anglin is on the TRS forum now!!!!! oooo how exciting.

i guess my ideal career would be a Social Worker or a Counselor helping Neet men and virgin men, with neetism, despair, anxiety, rels, women, careers, becoming a normie.

but social workers dont DO That kind of work. they do work with people who are WAY more fooked up, like people who get abused, addicts, borderline, sociopaths, abusers, violent, drunks, poor blacks, felons, etc. people who are REALLY on the fringes of society, yet manage to reproduce, and ruin their children with their fooked up ness.

oh yeah. that woman in 2005, she was bitchy largely because I was a bitch and totally approached her the wrong way. namely by being a sloppy drunken fool who was clearly in luv at first sight with her. and i couldnt just be like hey wanna hang out like a normal person. i already hung out with mutual friends. if i had tried just talking to her directly one on one, i wouldnt have made such a damn fool of myself. when i am in a group, its harder for me to connect with the people individually……even if there is not as much pressure on me to “perform” and “be interesting.”

but yeah no one likes a drunk weirdo throwing themselves at you, im in luvvvvvvvvvvvvvv with youuuuuuu pleaseeeeeeeeee marry me.  just SO desperate.

and see i thought she was the perfect solution to woman2005A, who had dumped me shortly before, and i was heartbroken and hated her. but I found this GREAT woman shortly after! i guess that must be what a “rebound” is like………if i managed to date 2005B, which i didnt. so i was on the rebound, and got rejected by the rebound, hahahaha. downward spiral. shit i think the rebound girl would have been GREAT, she was better and qter than 2005A. if i had successfully “rebounded” with 2005B, that WOULD have probably fixed everything hahaha.

http://workplace.stackexchange.com/questions/54138/how-to-tell-a-client-a-reported-bug-is-not-actually-a-bug-but-something-they

i should read this moar

http://workplace.stackexchange.com/questions/23737/how-can-i-manage-an-in-person-job-interview-when-i-have-social-anxiety?rq=1

fookin successful normies hahaha nonnevergfs

http://workplace.stackexchange.com/questions/55541/how-can-i-handle-a-co-worker-who-is-infatuated-with-me-but-denies-it?rq=1

aaannnnndddd heres the woman shitting everything up again. womaning up the workplace with her drama about all these creepy niceguys at work being infatuated with her and making her uncomfortable. women in the workplace is such a giant horrible clusterfook. woman in a male dominated field. FOOK YOU. get out of the male field hahahaha. believe me, they dont like YOU either. could actually get some work done without bitches in the office starting drama hahahahaha.

http://www.informit.com/articles/article.aspx?p=2133369

good thoughts here…..but how about some stories, examples, scripts.

i am JEALOUS of her that she has better skills at ADULTING than I do. can handle all those angry customers, tell them no, this cant be fixed, no, you cant talk to the manager, i am the manager now, i make 17 dollars an hour. explaining shit, or being like, no i dont need to explain this, it doesnt matter. just being able to work an adult job and live a mature adult life. so did she handle ME like a mature adult, because i was legit being that bad?

its never gonna be fun for anyone, answering those calls. youre ALWAYS gonna be nervous and stressed. but you just Face The Fear and Do It Anyway. and i jealous she has that skill. that she succeeded exactly where I failed ABYSMALLY.

well i have yet another chance to Face The Fear when going in for my interview tomorrow. another baby step. the 27th baby step.

but the thing is, heres the thing.wav, is that you have to be PERFECT in these things. whether its getting a JOB, or getting a WOMAN. ONE strike and youre GONE. there is PROBABLY more leeway once you actually GET the job (but not with the woman, with the woman, its always walking on eggshells, minefield, until you make that first, last, only mistake.)

like my job was HARD AS FOOK, but there was some leeway in there. ways to cut corners. I found out how to cut corners, how to evade calls, how to tack on a few minutes here and there, taking long lunches, long breaks, figuring out what i could get away with, how to play the game.

but yeah GETTING into the job is so hard!

well, getting into THAT job was SO easy.

but yeah it IS discouraging to get rejected again and again and again and again and again and again and again and again. and i AM pissed that they couldnt hire me for at least one out of THREE part time jobs at the city. that really irks me. one job i can understand. THREE is just insult to injury. REALLY? I wasnt one of the top THREE?

but yeah its gotten me worried about the OTHER two jobs from last week. I would be ECSTATIC, LIFE CHANGER to get any of those two.

and yeah it sucks that WOMEN can handle “adulting” as the women on reddit call it (really gotta stop reading that shit), but it sucks even more than SHE can handle it. i mean yeah she is pretty much my nemesis hahahaha. it just KILLS me how she can totally succeed where I have failed and throw me away like nothing.

ADD INSULT TO INSULT TO INJURY. that’s like TWO insults on top of injury. BROOTAL. SAVAGE.wav.