MARILYN MONROE WAS NOTHING BUT A DEGENERATE WH0RE.

very low low quality poast today. also very short. ENJOY!!!

aug 29

ok survived that womans brithday which i think has passed. now she is another year older. definitely past her peak because women peak at 22 or 23 and she is well past that! thank God. but Im sure she still looks good 4 chad and tyrone, as long as she didnt pork up into a huge fatass. and i kinda hope she did. but her family was never fat. i mean her mother looked good for being near 50 years old. damn.

had phone interview with auto tech IT company. seems like great place to work. my salary requirements were in range. it is hourly. from like 15 to 17 bucks an hour. yikes. i said my range is like 12 to 16 hahahahaha.

so i talk to the 22 year old HR gurl today, they said 15 minutes but it lasted more like 27 minutes, is that good? then she will have me talk to the Controller (accounting), which will prob be tougher, and THEN if i impress the controller on the phone, i get to have an in person interview, and then if i do well on that, i get the 15 dollar job.  but the company is well reputed as a good workplace. have benefits. doesnt seem like 50 hour weeks hahahahaha.  the big challenge is keeping track of all the engineers and getting them to enter their time.

i marked the phone thing today as .5 of an interview.

tomorrow i have actual 1.0 interview with testing lab. i guess it used to be a big local name until 2011 when they were bought out. but this company is getting massive growth though. how. why. are they breaking the backs of their slave labor? they have a reputation for Precision and Accuracy. like they are getting certifications and accreditations and testing car and plane and parts and shit where failure could mean people die. you cant really cut corners on that……………..can you? well sure you can. you just determine the limit of acceptable risk. how many wrongful death lawsuits are you willing to deal with. how many millions of dollars per year can you afford for this type of shit hahaha. its all abotu acceptable risk. risk management. im sure they have lawyers. in house corporate counsel. the company is worth at least 1 billion dollars hahahaha. well that includes 50 facilities. it damn well BETTER be worth over a billion! i mean shit the facility im going to tomorrow has to be worth at least…..10 million? they do like 30 different tests and shit. shit isnt cheap.

changed the posting schedule of this blog, to post on wednesday, saturdays, and sundays. figuring people have more time to read on the weekends, so, fresh posts on saturday AND sunday. and then one during the busy week hehehehe.  with a bunch of extra posts around crimbo and new years as a GIFT to muh LOYAL READERS hahahaha.

aug 30

940 am, all showered and shaved and dressed up ready to go to interview, leave in 10 or 15 minutes, maybe have a ridiculous coffee anxiety poop again hahaha. why not.

you basically got to give them the confidence and be the most positive, can do person ever. and that was really lacking last week for the IT job i really wanted. this job today i am kinda meh. but its another interview towards muh goal hahaha. number 18.5 hahaha. gotta get to 25. maybe 30. maybe 40. hahahaha.

gene wilder dead? thats kinda sad. he was truly funny and talented and i feel he had real integrity and i wish he did more in his old age. was he a J? I just assume he was, but i am not 100% sure. I know I’ve looked it up before. he isnt screamingly J like mel brooks.

yes he was. totally J. not really suprised there. looks like he had alzheimers. i did not know that.

AYO HOL UP. If he was so DEVASTATED by his wife gilda radners death in 1989 that he retired from acting, and i thought they had True Luv….. then why the hell did he get married to his fourth wife in 1991? a paltry 2 years later? Gilda Radner should be rolling in her grave! that is like him taking a dump on her grave!

i couldnt imagine the Luv Of My Life DYING tragically of cancer, and then me getting MARRIED to a new woman TWO years later!

ACTUALLY THAT IS FOOKING AWFUL, GENE.

but what do you expect out of a damn J? hahahaha.

i guess i dont know the full story but that is still a little suspect. when i lost the luv of my life it took a full year for me to stop hating all women ahahahaha. and so now a year from now, i need to be MARRIED, after finding another good woman, falling in luv, getting to know them, etc.

a new low of 137.0 pounds today, that is nice. i guess i would like to get down to 130. before i said 135, now i say 130. maybe i am anorexic hahahahahahahaha.

had interview with the testing company. huge warehouse crammed with tons of machines and stuff. did they say my number was too high or too low with the number I gave them in the application? I then reiterated my range as 12 to 14 today. the two managers were nice enough. nothing funny in the interview. except the chair I was sitting in kinda sucked and made me look shorter than I am. and I am a damn MANLET as it is. I shoulda just made a Joke and then switched it with another chair. I was wearing muh suit. they were wearing polo shirts with the company logo.

dear gmail, do you have a feature to list the UNREAD (bold) messages? that would make a lot of sense if you like archive or move messages to folders….but havent read them yet.

http://www.howtogeek.com/howto/27077/how-do-you-show-only-unread-emails-in-gmail-answers/

you gotta type is:unread

i mean i can do this, but normies really cant, and even thats not the point. GOOGLE should have a better UX. UI. whatever. hahahaha.

i mean the interview went ok. better than the shitty one last monday. i tried to be confident and positive. if you can’t be super confident, at LEAST be POSITIVE as FOOK. I was pretty positive and somewhat confident.

so what WAS the pay? 13 an hour? seomthing around that. there are also benefit, health insurance, 401k, time off.

company is in GROWTH AND DEVELOPMENT phase which means very busy. high prob of overtime. might involve going to a place 40 miles away. main facility is only 7 miles away. i was unaware of the 40 miles place. heh. it seemed like less than 50% of the time youd be going out there.

i had plenty of questions for them, i tried to act interested, tried to show i knew a little bit about the company, that i did my Homework and Due Diligence. I mean all job search advice tells you to do this. and I Do Do it!!!!!!!

but how do I do it compared to the other 5 people they are interviewing?

it was 5 or 6 other people interviewing they said.

finally got my TRS T shirt. it looks really good hahahahaha. apparently it was a small company that received its biggest order ever, so the guy was Busting His Ass to produce 500 shirts or whatever. well good. he seems happy for the business and has not complained about TRS being racist and he’s too good to take lots of money from racists.

some guy on the Despair Forums messaged me about being Alt Right, and I got all excited, and babbled for a little bit. he responded and I am trying to feel him out. It is safe to say we are in pretty different areas of the alt right. shit I think this guy might even be BLACK, hahahahahahahahahaha.

well then he is a black with his head on right hahahaha. he believes trump could help the blacks more than hillary, and i agree.

but yeah i am not really gonna be able to talk with a black about huhwhyte nationalism hahahaha.

hahahahaha and i thought alt right was just a DOGWHISTLE for “IM A WHITE RACIST!!!! WINK WINK!!!”

so i got excited to find another white racist……when in fact he is possibly a black nonracist. OH WELL. at least he is a Rightist!

 

ON THE JOB TRAINING IS NOT TRAINING AT ALL

aug 27

sheeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeit.

i mean i study the companies before doing the interviews. i write thank you emails. i dress nice. i shave my face. i act very interested in the job. i ask questions at the end. what the hell am i doing wrong hahahaha. my fatal flaw is that i get a little nervous. and that i have such a long GAP. something must be DEEPLY WRONG with me. he needs SERIOUS HELP. he SHOULDNT BE working. or, he thinks hes gonna work HERE? HA! he needs to PAY HIS DUES first! get a job at walmart or mcdonalds or a shitty restaurant or call center, show that youre WILLING TO WORK first, before you can get an AWESOME job like this!

this is for that phone interview on monday. looks like the company is more reputable than i thought. winning all these best places to work awards, having many skilled and respected engineers, a destination kind of employer, that only wants the best of the best. which i am not. but i was when i was 17-18!

also my problem is that i cant just suck it up and live through a shitty job. it breaks me down into a Dumpster Fire and then I end up Committing Career Suicide and moving DOWN the career ladder ultimately. i dont really pay dues but get actively punished.

then i see all the people with engin degrees working for this palce, making 60k, thinking DAMN, I went to a TOP SKOOL, I went to a better skool than THEY did, why didnt I just get a damn ENGIN degree, then I could be making 60k too, I could have a wife and a FAMILY, and a good job, instead of being a huge neet loser who cant deal with LIFE.

and get angry and discouraged and slow down on muh job search hahaha.

yeah well today i am studying the company so i sound informed on muh 15 minute phone interview monday. see if its enough to overcompensate and get me a physical interview. prob not hahahaha.

then tomorrow i will study the company for tuesday int. much more of a blue collar place. but they are big and they have been around a while. not some fly by night arab company hahahaha. or shitty crab people asian company.

shit i had way more confidence in 2013 when i was working my mickey mouse job and was becoming close friends with That Woman.

see im desperate but i also cant take just any job because if i take a super shitty call center or customer service job, i am very worried about muh emotional health, and would i snap and quit. i dont want to put myself into a position like that so i avoid applying for those kinda jobs. high stress jobs hahahaha.

thinking about partying tonight with a valium nyquil combo. it is saturday nigth after all.

so, have a better feeling about the tuesday interview than the monday interview as a job i could actually GET. but i feel the monday place would be more fun and chill and better workplace than the tuesday place. well of COURSE its HARD to get into a GOOD workplace! the easier the job is to get, the WORSE the job is gonna be, the more it is gonna push you to your Limit.  and not in the good way hahahaha.

aug 28

took the valium nyquil combo around 645 pm, did 4.2 mile powerwalk, went to bed, slept pretty good. the combo i guess chilled me out a little bit and made me sleep good. would still prefer partaking MJ hahahaha.

it shuts your mind down, you cant think negative thoughts because it takes too much effort to think at all hahahaha. in other words it might be difficult to WORK, where you are trying to solve problems and bullshit on your feet all day. explaining and bullshitting and coming up with plans and reasons and explanations and answers and solutions.

sheeeeeeeit. it might be That Womans birthday very very soon. thankfully it doesnt bother me as much as youd think it would. one of my goals was to spend a womans birthday with her and have birthday cuddling with them, or having them spend my birthday with me and have birthday cuddling. or secs. or handholding. or making out. or hanging out.

never happened though hahahahahahaha. 2 years ago i went to dinner with my female friend and it was near her birthday and i was right on the CUSP of starting to feel differently about her. but not quite sure i was there yet. but i was getting very close.

in fact i wasnt even sure what her exact birthday was. it takes a while before someones birthday is a big deal for you.  you gotta know them at least a year.

and the next year of course i would ahve really liked to spend her bday with her but by that time we were DONE.

and now we’ve been DONE for a full YEAR after that.

i heard this song when this album came out in 1998, 18 years ago hahahaha and i was a stupid angsty high schooler listening to the weekly radio metal show. i thought the song was very catchy and epic and it was the first time i enjoyed anything like power metal.

i never listened to the whole album. i will now give it a chance hehehehe.

hmm very sleepy and tired today, the day after the nyquil. i guess thats not suprising.

cheap “skullcandy” earbuds lasted only 2 weeks. what cheap chinese crap. one ear went out then the other ear went out very quickly. one ear is bad enough and time to buy a new pair of cheap chinese throwaway garbage.

537 that is my new goal hahahaha. 537 job applications hahahaha. i get 1 interview for roughly every 21.4 applications hehehehe. and so if i want 25 interviews, then 537.

i am “only” at 386 so far.

i have been slowing down lately, getting a bit discouraged.

maybe i should contact her on her birthday hahahahahahaha. no i am just joking.

 

did SHE ever contact ME on MY birthday? HELL NO! she didnt even KNOW when my birthday was! although i kinda make it hard. you have to ask me and then mark it down on your calendar. which nobody does because they just use facebook to remember birthdays hahahaha.

but yeah at one time she was a real friend and i havent found any new friends to fill that friend gap. and i liked having that kind of person playing that kind of role in my life. i mean shit it was a two way street too, i was playing the same role in her life too.

ok  went to shitstore and bought some shitty 10 dollar sony earbuds that i HOPE will last 1 month.

listen to some of the hammerfall album, see if its any good. need more positive shit hahahaha.

was listening to george feels and he had a very sad pathetic feelsy video and i was like yep i shouldnt listen to this, this is not gonna help me. something basically how he had done nothing with the past 3 years of his life, his biggest accomplishment was not jerking off for 100 days hahahaha. in 3 fookin years. so he felt bad about that and then i felt bad too about not accomplishing anything with my life either hahaha.

well i did accomplish a bit in the past 3 years: moved from old job to new job, became close friends with that woman, pushed myself to the limit with new job, did some super amazing shit that i lose sight of now, and cant convince employers that once i was valuable hahahaha, went on road trip with old friend, fell in luv with female friend, saw 3 classic concerts, discovered trs, and then shit started going bad, rel with woman fell apart, lost job, got dumped, was in a state of deep despair for months, started a gym membership for the first time in life, lost 30 pounds, applied to 386 jobs and went on 18 interviews, got 2 new good suits. so yeah id say i accomplished more than george hahahahaha in the past 3 years. there was some epically BAD shit, as well as some pretty good shit too, but the bad shit has been what i remembered most and what i am lingering in now.

anyway POINT IS, there was plenty of good shit or not bad shit, or at least forward moment or personal improvement.

but all the good shit happened in the first half, and all the bad shit happened in the second half, so the bad shit is all i remember.

well, losing the 30 pounds is a big deal and i am doing that right now.

so is buying the suit, and doing the interviews.

but the interviews also suck because they dont lead to anything.

inherently, the interviews are a good thing and i should view them as such, rather than DISQUALIFYING THE POSITIVE. and saying yeah interviews a normally all right, but THESE interviews arent so good because they dont RESULT in anything.

yes in our results oriented world its difficult saying something that doesnt have any results is a good thing.

but each abortion failure of an interview hahahaha is getting me closer to my goal of 25.

and the interviews arent really abortion failures. i look all right, i sound smart, although a little nervous, i show that ive done my homework on the company, i write thank you notes, i am one of 4 finalists for a 45k job, i mean come on these are all good things.

but the overall general shame of being an unemployable neet bum is SUCH MAGNITUDE hehehehe that it casts a shadow on all the other shit.

anyway, point is, there is a DECENT AMOUNT of good stuff ive done the past 3 years…..its just overshadowed by the bad shit because the bad shit was more recent, and honestly it was ABSOLUTELY DEVASTATING. it was probably greater magnitude than the positive stuff was positive. but there WAS still somewhat DECENT magnitude of positiveness on the positive stuff.

PLUS, we always interpret bad things worse than we interpret good things as good. in other words, really good shit WEARS OFF QUICKLY, while bad shit lingers. so we need like 5 good things to lift us up for every 1 bad thing. defeat feels much worse than victory feels good. FACT.

anyway point is george has his more positive videos and his more negative videos, and i should stay away from the neg ones. and so should he. being that we are very much alike and struggle with the same problems.

and just like him i need to focus on the positive and essentially IGNORE the negative. because its focusing on the negative and IGNORING THE POSITIVE that has gotten us in this horrible mindset. low energy, very low confidence, lazy, neet, in a rut, spinning the wheels, not trying, giving up easily, defeatist, etc.

i listened to a bit of the hammerfall and it made me want to listen to judas priest “painkiller” so i did. i guess they have similar sounding productions and the drum bit at the beginning of the album is a direct tribute to painkiller possibly. but the hammerfall is definitely a bit more “power metal” and the singer doesnt really sound like halford. which is FINE. halford is awesome, but i wanted something a bit more power metally anyway. like ridiculous, somewhat epic songs and songs about warriors and courage and all that. whereas judas priest is arguably not very power metally while at the same time influencing every power metal band….they never fully went that way themselves, because they were sorta reinventing themselves on every album.

probably iron maiden is the more power metally band.

 

THE MOTHER OF ALL NEGATIVE THOUGHTS

aug 23

sheeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeit. had a dream with small part from this tall qt young girl we used to work with. when she first came on, i was like, this girl is like a better version of that woman. prettier, younger, i should focus on her, to try to forget about that woman. who knows if she were nicer, but that woman had stopped being nice to me anyway. she seemed a LITTLE bitchy and obnoxious.

anyway the point is, ANY woman can be nice to you if they WANT, AND if a qt young woman is being NICE to you, you will forget about the other woman who was nice to you once and you cant seem to get over. its not hard or rare to be nice. they just have to be WILLING to be nice. which for me is pretty rare hahahaha.

anyway i think in the dream i was trying to muster up the courage to sit next to the qt gurl and start talking to her confidently. see if she was willing to be nice to me or a huge bitch hahahaha. ultimately i never did. well at least THAT WOMAN wasnt in the dream. and it made the point that I COULD get over her and move on from her and feel something for another woman some day, the main things is that they are young and pretty, and that they are being NICE to me. shit even a slut mudshark could get me to like her that way. an attractive woman being NICE to you goes a LONNNNNNNNNNNGGGGGGGGGGGGG way. you wouldnt even believe it. but believe me. it is a VERY powerful thing that will quickly melt your heart of ice.

and yeah it does help a lot when you find the woman attractive. vs, i dunno, do i want to settle for this possibly-unacceptable level of attractiveness, she’s not very attractive at all.

yeah i really wanted to KNOCK IT OUT OF THE PARK on the tech job interview yesterday, but I did not. I mean i didnt do super horrible, i did about average considering, but i wish they had an hour instead of 45 minutes. cuz i was rushing through every answer, couldnt quite think straight, def lost some confidence and it showed.

well they were only interviewing 3 people not 10 people, so i have a better chance, right?

is the county that busy they have to rush interviews as quickly as possible? i dont think so. my prev employer was that busy. because we were SLAMMED all day every day and kept things LEAN. now the university i really want to get into, they had hourlong plus interviews. somewhat relaxed, or least the idea they could take as long as they wanted to interview someone, and let them talk.

i dunno, just so much that doesnt make sense, doesnt add up, and you will never make sense or get your closure, and you have to accept that some things will never make sense. just let it go.

yeah but when its your JOB to make SENSE of shit….. well do you REALLY need ot make actual sense of it, or can you just BULLSHIT something to your customer or to your Team Leader. mm hmmm.

so yeah i did not knock it out of the park. also i was just caught off guard by that weird aborted interview earlier in the day.

i mean how would a normie handle that? heh normies dont even get into these situations because they are HAVES who HAVE jobs, HAVE been gainfully employed for years, HAVE a wife who gives them some effort and loyalty. hehehehe. she might bitch and nag but she hasnt LEFT them yet.

you might hate it when she bitches and NAGS and is not nice to you…..but how would you react if she just LEFT you without a word and you never heard from her again?

be happy when she nags you because it means shes not willing to LEAVE you….yet hahahahahahahaha. oh this is horrible woman worshipping white knighting. better man up guys! be THANKFUL your wife is JUST a nag!

no the woman SHOULD be MATURE about it and realize nagging never works, its passive aggressive immature bullshit…..but there you have the unrealistic expectation that a woman should be an adult, specifically should handle conflict in a rel like an adult. this is like asking uncle adi to luv the joos hahahaha. like asking ME to luv joos hahahaha. not gonna happen. i hope it never happens hahahaha.  like asking a crusader to luv the muslim swine trying to invade his europe and rape his european women.  of course thats exactly whats happening now. but these weak pathetic feminized men are not CRUSADERS in any sense! they are literal CUCKS!

unlike a REAL cuck, i never liked being cucked, or even the suggestion of. it always made me fly into a Righteous Rage, and this is the proper response, so I’m glad I still have that.

this god damn office assistant job for the trucking company KEEPS getting posted every few weeks, open for a few days, get 400 more applications, it goes away for a few weeks, comes back and get 400 more applications…..its frustrating because i want to know what the fok they are DOING here.

maybe all the thousands of people applying are desperate and they are holding out for the Perfect Candidate. well they dont want a harvard grad, they want someone super young who is currently going to harvard. not gonna happen. so they want say maybe a second year undergrad at [local univ] who is doing a useful degree, getting 4.0, is 19 or 20 years old, has VERY good people skills, is VERY attractive, but prob want a smart man who will actually get stuff done, was an eagle scout, probably the type of go getters who go to naval academy or west point, ok how about they are big at ROTC at local university then, cuz again, if they are west point, they cant work here.

so that would be their perfect candidate then: a 20 year old halfwhite attractive tall male, eagle scout, honors student at local university, ROTC, business and or engineering, very charismatic and confident and mature.

i have sent in 2 or 3 applications to this company for this job or jobs very much like it.

maybe they have a database so they can see how many times a person applied. and if you get to like 10 or 20, then you get an interview. assuming you are not the perfect candidate described above. they havent found him yet, otherwise they would fill the position and stop posting.

or maybe they fill it, and the job is so stupid, the person quits. or is fired. and they have to hire someone again. but why not just go back to the pool of 1000 applicants? because its worth it to spend the time accepting 1000 NEW applicants so you can Cultivate the strongest pool ever? why do they NEED MOAR APPLICANTS when they aleady have like 2000????!?!?!?!?!!??!?!

it will never make sense, dont try to make sense out of it, dont get angry hahahahaha.

go for powerwalk in peak sun today, call chemical testing guy when i get back. maybe my Market Value is good enough for one call, but certainly not Phone Tag.

i mean why not just email me? I’ve had interviews set up via email, no one ever talked to me for even 1 minute.

my resume has had my correct email on it for like 10 years hahahaha. he has my email.

maybe when i send in my shit for the third time for this trucking company, which i think is a subsidiary of a very shady local trucking company that has a reputation for horrible service and very unhappy customers and is probably just a front for money laundering hahahahaha. anyway i will do something disruptive with muh cover letter and really make it jump out at them and show what a value add i am, than my usual form cover letter that its obvious i am using to apply to 500 jobs. but seriously, i modify each cover letter with statements referring to the company’s mission and vision hahaha. i really do. i look up the mission and vision statement and use some marketingspeak taken from the company’s own website. i am PASSIONATE about serving the LTL Logistics needs of your clients and being on the leading edge etc.

i would say most normies go through 5 to 10 interviews before getting a decent job. they don’t know the pain of doing 20 to 30 interviews hehehehe. a more protracted, prolonged struggle. twice the rejection, twice the time.

heh imagine if i actually approached women the way i do job searching. at least with jobs i actually submit the shit and go on interviews. with women i dont even Women Search on OK cupid or whatever, go out on dates, and get rejected. i might actually have some success if i did!

called the guy from testing company again, voice mail again. i left voice message yesterday, giving him muh email address and Mobile phone number. i am not gonna leave him a second voice mail!

but yeah that stupid fake interview at the hospital, i guess that ended up really grinding my gears and discouraging me. like how could you be MORE insulting that continually rejecting me. oh. how about finally inviting me to an interview, and then essentially aborting the interview during the first question and saying i shouldnt apply to just anything because im desperate. god damn. what did they tell the black 19 year old gurl that talked like an unprivileged savage hahahaha.  well they probably said she was just perfect for this job.

i guess in order to make 11 dollars an hour i HAVE to go to walmart or mcd’s. because the places that have Boring, Stressless 11 dollar an hour part time jobs want a very specific kind of person.

so i think about that woman a lot, not as much as i used to thank god, but i know i SHOULDNT. but i cant help myself. i think about how shes doing, what shes doing with her life, not just because i was in luv with her, but because she was an actual part of my life. this comes from being friends for 3 years. then the person is GONE, and you cant help but miss them and think of them sometimes. i wonder what so and so is doing.

i am sure she has HAD to have had a few thoughts like that about me. and then what does she tell herself about that? probably something like Oh. Sigh. That was just pathetic. i guess i hope he’s doing well but he was at such a pathetic place in his life. hes got to really work on his career and not get so heartbroken over women. i mean shit hes 35 years old, he has to get a plan for his life to accomplish something. so sad. he was a nice guy but SO SAD.

well at least ive gotten over the idea that she hates me and thinks i betrayed her!!!!!

now she just goes AW. HOW SAD. SMH. nice guy, but SO SAD. So Pathetic. I hope for his sake he moves on. Ive moved on. Im doing well. he was a mess. i hope he gets the help he needs. I couldnt deal with that. he was a good friend but could you IMAGINE me and him DATING!! PSHAW! How could he GET such a ridiculous idea! what a sad, pathetic loser. sometimes you need to Let Go of those sorts of Negative People in your life.

WHAT A WAY TO BE REMEMBERED! WAY TO BE THAT GUY hahahaha.

i mean shit. if anyone deserves to be emotionally compromised its me. dont get SO emotional about someone LIKING you. just be like welp i dont return his feelings but its not the end of the world. people get feelings for each other. just like i had feelings for those other guys. it happens. its not so ridiculous or out of bounds. we were good friends and then i guess something in him changed. its pretty understandable and unsurprising.

i dunno maybe that IS what she ultimately thought. I’LL NEVER KNOW.

i might be sad and pathetic, but i dont want to be REMEMBERED LIKE THAT by people i used to be friends with. who got to know The Real Me and saw that I wasnt totally Sad and Pathetic, but a Good Person.

i had this female friend when i was younger and i never fell in luv with her, and she was always very nice to me, and she had genuine concern and whatnot for me, wanted me to find a nice woman who didnt leave me in the lurch. but i kept picking the wrong women, getting involved with the wrong women. i guess my picker is broken.

its only 50% broken at most though! soon after i picked another woman and my female friend said yeah she’s great, it would be SO CUTEEEEEEEE if you two got together, and i was like yeah see my pickers not broken, i can find a good solid woman whos not a crazy child, yes she would be great for me wouldnt she? and i indeed liked the woman and she was nice to me too, but we never got much of a chance to hang out because we never lived less than 70 miles away, then the woman moved like 500 miles away hahahaha.  if we ever lived in the same town, i would have DEFINITELY gone all in with her.

so yeah my picker is not totally fooked. indeed i still think i picked a good woman with that woman. i just had no idea she would disappoint me THIS bad.

anyway that previous female friend, she expressed concern that i was becoming a hateful neo nazi white supremist. So I Walked It Back and said naaaaahhhhh dont worry, this is just a phase, i dont hate anybody, dont worry about it, you know i investigate all this edgy transgressive shit, dont worry.  and then i went on becoming an even more avowed racist and nazi and huhwhyte supreemist hahaha, but essentially just didnt tell her about it hahahahaha. i figured it wasn’t worth losing friends over, and she was/is a great person, and i didn’t want to push her away for something she would never understand.

anyway i hope she is doing well. she was doing some kind of masters degree at a decent skool in a big important city. she will be just fine. i mean yeah i wish she’d get married already cuz she’s not getting any younger. but I remember when she was under 21! I could never date her because she has a pozzed jooish view of dating hahahaha. but we got along as friends very well believe it or not. at the time she was in a monogamous, fairly healthy relship with a man who eventually became a fairly good friend, a great guy, i got along with him really well and had quite the mancrush on him. i would be very happy if she had gotten married to him. he was a really cool guy. he was hilarious, ridiculously smart, great taste in music, really good guitar player and singer. i wish he hadnt done his phd in total marxism! he was not a phaggy feminine whiny shitlib at all. just a very kewl guy. i wish him nothing but the best. i hope he finds a nice white wife and has many brilliant white children. when you say phd at known leftist univ in jooish theory, you think of the worst type of person. but he was honestly the best type of person, and too GOOD to do what he’s doing. but at the time i was very impressed by the Intellectual Masturbation over foucault and deleuze and i dont fooking know. zizek and adorno and marcuse and pure frankfurt skool jooish trash. i knew nothing of the frankfurt skool at the time. i just liked hanging out with Real Intellectual Philosophers! but the people I knew were honestly good, great, moral people. in hindsight its disappointing they studied the degen shit they did. but they probably didnt realize it any better than i did.

applied for 6 jobs today but after like 6 days of no job apps, my numbers are DISMAL AND ABYSMAL.

anyway i will just try to forget i met with that woman on monday and had that weird, annoying abortion of an interview. just keep applying for jobs there. in fact i applied for one there today hahahaha.

my suit looks good now, but the white dress shirt is honestly a little bit BIG. maybe i am getting rejected now because the dress shirt is a little big. suits fine now, but now the shirt is fooked up hahahaha.

or maybe they can tell muh black dress shoes are 30 dollar pieces of plastic shit hahahahaha. and i am not wearing 500 dollar italian leather shoes.

maybe my plain black hanes socks are too boring hahahaha.

they are looking at my shoes and socks hahaha.

maybe i had a stray nose hair. maybe i need a haircut. i mean i am getting close to needing one. it has been 46 days. its all on muh days since spreadsheet hahahaha.

sheeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeit.

372 days since i sent the last email to that woman!

yes i definitely AM making progress, i dont think about her NEARLY as much, well i still think about her every day, but the thoughts seem a lot more distant, faded, not as vivid. one day i will be all emotioned out regarding her. and if i met a nice young qt gurl right now who was being nice and friendly to me, that would definitely help me forget all about that woman.

“make women good again” is just an old title i had laying around. basically meaning women were ONCE good, and with proper masculine leadership, we can raise a new generation of good women. but you leave women to their own devices, and they turn not good. they need the guidance and influence of strong, good men to stay on the good path. otherwise its pandoras box is opened. road to ruin. men don’t decompose or dissolve or entropy or DEGENERATE as naturally as women do. they dont need as much constraint. its JUST THE WAY IT IS. ITS NATURE. Nature NEEDS weak childlike stupid immature women so they can get pregnant as quickly and as much as possible. period. accept it. you dont have to like it. but accept it or become a foreveralone loveless virgin.

why not make women GREAT again? because i dont even need great. i just want GOOD. GOOD is GOOD ENOUGH for me. just good moral adults. lets get to GOOD first before we even THINK about “great.”

aug 24

yeah it is kinda infuriating to see the same jobs, same company, same location, being posted over and over again. you think, yeah i remember this job because it seemed like a decent entry level job that i could actually see myself doing, so it jumped out at me and i marked it APPLYYYYYYYY and i applied for it asap. now, 3, 4 weeks later, its back. i apply again if i can. sometimes it says ive already applied for the job. i actually prefer this because it means they arent getting duplicate people. but its like how many fookin applications do you need to get for this fookin job….unless you dont really plan on hiring anybody in the near future. then posting shit like this is like a perfect waifu teasing you and leading you on. i just wanted muh 12 dollar an hour full time data entry job, 8 to 5, close to home, no weekends!

heh. i kinda want that woman to experience some of this frustration and failure and rejection. not be making decent money. yeah but its a shitty phone calls cust serv job. yeah but shes probably a level 2 by now and doesnt need to answer phones. she can just give shitty advice to the people who do have to answer phones. “idk figure it out but dont escalate it.” “idk do the same thing youve been doing over and over again and maybe it will work this time” no matter if its been an hour on the call.

besides some of the level 2s still had to make calls and fix the super confusing stuff and then talk to the people about it.

i mean she doesnt have the brains to fix super confusing shit! shes not THAT smart! why should SHE be making 16 dollars an hour hahaha. she only has an ASSOCIATES degree in a field just as useless as mine! and from a 600000000 times less prestigious skool! and yet she is 14888888 years younger than me and doing 90000000 times better than me! even though shes a cowardly immature idiot race traitor white trash MJ addict!!!!!!

the voice of butthurt hahahaha. virgin wizard neet butthurt. well you would prob be butthurt too, is my point.

well at least i seem to be losing weight again. i dont really NEED to though! i have to cut the calories down to an unhealthy 1100 a day hahahaha. its ridiculous because i LUV food and i LUV to eat.

but yeah. sheeeeeeit. monday should have been a good day with the two interviews but it really kinda sucked and both interviews sucked. my vril was compromised by the first weird interview, then i performed shitty in the second interview, where i really really wanted to dig deep and do super well, and i did not. i mean i didnt do super bad….but just doing average or ok is really MEDIOCRE and I wanted to be SUPER GOOD. not just average, because average is not gonna get that fairly awesome job. for that job, i would totally answer the phones 50% of the shift. maybe even 60%.

heh i really SHOULD start LIFTING. they say it really IS good for testosterone, confidence, and i need those things like i need the air i breathe. because i am at a deficit. i dont have Confidence Privilege. its not part of my Head Start that confident normies get hahahahaha.

heh. really my severe lack of confidence pretty much cancels out all the white privilege i have hahahaha. white, male, good family, all the opportunities in the world. my confidence and i guess energy level and will are just THAT weak.

sheeeeeeit. if that first interview would have gone better, then the second interview might have gone better. and the second interview was the one that REALLY MATTERED. this is why i dont like 2 interviews in 1 day hahahaha. i mean at least i can say i DID it, like a real bigboy, youre not a human being if you havent done 2 interviews in 1 day, but still. i fooked up the important one and i am not happy about that.

it wasnt even a specific mistake. it was just seeming nervous and on edge and coming from a position of WEAKNESS and DESPERATION. also i struggled to think of the most in depth case of PC troubleshooting I had done. i guess i could try to meditate on that.

well at least i have been good about not looking up that woman on linkedin. well she would SEE that I visited her profile. unless she has it on limited privacy. in which case i wouldnt see her name if she visited MY profile. not gonna lie, i kinda want her to visit my profile, because it would prove ot me that she is thinking about me. as i am thinking about her every damn day and cant stop.

yeah i think about her FREQUENTLY, but the INTENSITY is definitely lower. the vividness, the power. that is honestly a signif improvement.

so yeah its kinda creepy to think about her every day…..but ive thought about her every day since it happened and at least the thoughts are less awful, less intense, less vivid, less important, less severe. tbh that is great and i am thankful for the progress. but it will still be a while before i can go a whole day without thinking of her at all! at least another year!

went to dsw shoe store, they had some good stuff on the website, but at the actual store, it sucked balls. everything was too expensive and they didnt have the things i liked on the website. i left without wasting any money hehehehe. thankfully the sales people were not aggressive and sleazy. a combination of young kids and downsized middle aged white men with masters degrees from second tier schools and 20 years of experience at second tier companies hahaha.

no the employees were fine, the store was clean and everything, they just did not match up with the website very well. i was considering getting a pair of Plain Black Crocs but they had very few Crocs, and they were brown. come on.

well time to get back on the horse. but i am thinking its gonna be more like 25 interviews rather than 20 interview before i finally get a job hahaha. at 30 i officially start getting Discouraged hahaha.

thats what i should have said to the hospital people. no, i’m not desperate, i’m DISCOURAGED. theres a difference. Actually there isnt hahahahahaha. well yes there is: discouraged dont even apply to jobs or go on interviews. so yes i AM desperate. i am just trying not to use that word.

heh. i should have never left muh job in late 2013. but me and THAT WOMAN were talking alot about jobs and she could get us in at this ridic job. i said, welp, ive been here too long and i need to force myself to do something new, and this just fell into my lap, kinda a sign from GOD, might as well listen to GOD. and then i went with her to the new job and the new job sucked and my relship with her went down in flames and the job went down in flames and now i have been a big neet loser for over a year hahahaha and cant get another job.

if i had just stayed in my comfort zone, none of this horrible shit would have happened hahahahaha.

before everything went wrong with her though, i thought well this is good. she is helping me GROW and DEVELOP and get OUT of my comfort zone and actually DO something with my life. and it turned out to be a huge shit sandwich hahaha. i wish i hadnt done it. i could still be makin 11 grand a year at the old place hahahaha.

yet if the county job called me back and said you got the job, that would change my whole life. 180. i would go from neet loser to gainfully employed winner. i would go from being too shitty for a gurl like her, to being way too good for a piece o white trash like her. its stupid our stupid jobs have such power over our lives like that. and how we view ourselves, and how OTHERS view us too.  but thats just the way it is. you can get butthurt about it and be a neet virgin loser the rest of your life, or you can accept it, and work hard to become a white winner.

never buy an epson xp 200 printer, or probably any “reasonably priced” epson printer, becuase they will totally joo you with the ink cartridges.

  1. the cartridges dont print a lot. like maybe 200 pages for 1 black cart which is 13 dollars.
  2. they only print with epson brand, not store brand made to be copatible witn epson.
  3. if you run out of blue OR yellow OR cyan, you cant even print in Black Only. even if you have a full black cart.

fook epson, those joos.

trump is getting a lot of blowback and his approval rating is probably at or near its lowest, and the media is even suggesting that hillary will win by 9 points. times are tuff. dismal.

an official story on fox news tv on the alt right. jared taylor being approached by fox joos. and of course milo phaggopolis. jared taylor is all right but milo is cancer hahaha. anyway i guess this is what they are saying are the leaders of the alt right hahaha. well we all know NATT is the TRVE leader of the alt right hahahaha.  but supposedly shillary is supposed to make a speech soon directly talking about the alt right.

i mean this is basically My Movement. its what i identify as being a part of. i consume something TRS related mostly every day.

i dont mind being lumped in with jared (tho he needs to stop cucking for da joos) but i do not want to be lumped in with that degen subverter milo. into the OVEN he goes.

contacted about phone screen by company HR. turns out woman is 9-10 years younger than me and went to alma maters Main Rival where she is a True Fan. OOSH. these are the type of idiots i am supposed to be the manager of hahaha. now i am trying to kiss the ass of Children who went to the school that our school saw as Goofus to our Gallant! kissing the ass of Idiot Children so I can get a $12 to $16 dollar an hour job hahahahaha. she didnt have to do that because she had a better resume, including internships and study abroad, so she was able to start her career immediately after college like a good successful normie. clearly she didnt have any Emotional Problems hahahahahahahaha.

http://pastebin.com/wTMfXxcF

Make Up Your Mind — Am I Overqualified Or Underqualified? via @forbes http://www.forbes.com/sites/lizryan/2016/08/23/make-up-your-mind-am-i-overqualified-or-underqualified/#24a6060f62e7

possibly interesting “advice.” make sure you write them a BUSINESS PAIN LETTER!!!!! i forgot about PAIN POINTS!!!!!

what happens if you cant help any businesses pain points hahahahaha.

fookin pain points. kiss mah ass.

http://www.forbes.com/sites/lizryan/2016/08/09/five-red-flags-that-scream-dont-hire-this-person/2/#509dbd4b7a7a

heh yes she IS “AN HR PERSON” hahahaha. by god these women exist. the woman who just emailed me is definitely one. the one that emails me about county job and sits in at my county job interviews is definitely one. perky, bubbly women that like to be smart college grad young professionals. shit the county hr woman is SIX years OLDER than me and she still looks GOOD! she almost looks younger than ME!

they are usually in good shape. they are usually friendly and have high verbal intelligence. but I would not trust any of these women for ONE SECOND in a Relationship.

they seem like big sluts and catladies who could rationalize anything and eventually lose interest in all but the top 1% of alpha men, probably the Upper Managers and Directors they are working to Source Talent To.

they get bachelors degrees specifically in human resources or communications or Talent Acquisition or Organizational Studies.  sometimes even from rather respectable state schools. second tier schools as opposed to third tier toilets like….. McAllen City State University or something. East Kansas City University. not a tenth tier toilet like Phoenix or something, and really, perfectly fine normie schools which I should have gone to because I could have gotten a god damn full ride scholarship. but i thought, noooooo, i can get into the PRESTIGIOUS school. meanwhile MANY people who went to that “shitty” local university were i could have gotten a full ride, are MUCH MUCH MUCCHHHHHHH more successful than me. at a much younger age hahahaha.

lotta regrets. shoulda done a lot differently. cant believe i wasted at least 33% of my life so far hahahaha.

ok i think i may end up liking the other gris album a bit better, at least early on, than their 2013 album . that bass sound is just too much to handle right now. i need more prominent guitar. and thankfully their singer sounds about as good on this 2007 album too. want something a little more blatantly balck metaly.

and DONT FORGET their 2006 or 5 album “neurasthenie” or something when they were known as niflheim (not to be confused with nifelheim hahahaha)

although 2 hourlong albums in 2 years seems like a lot…..but then they took a 6 year break. i wonder what kind of shitty jobs these guys work hahahaha. do they have degenerate tattoos. do they do drugs or drink. do they cheat on their GFs. are they neet virgins who live with their moms like me hahahahahahahaha.

i was driving yesterday and looked in the rearview and there was a 50 year old white man driving with two dogs in the car and it really looked like he was Smokin a J

good god i folded but if i had stayed in i would have gotten QUADS. 88 hole cards, no 8’s on the flop, and then turn and river were 8 and 8. sheeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeit.

anyway he was smokin a J and i got a good feeling from that. because he looked like a total normie and not a huge degenerate. if it were some black thug smoking a blunt, i would think DEGENERATE. GET OUT OF MUH TOWN. or some white trash covered in tattoos. but when it was a normie middle aged white guy, that was ok.

interesting reaction. so is MJ INHERENTLY degenerate? i mean its definitely risky. very few people can smoke it WITHOUT being degenerate. a lot of whites who do smoke it are degen. so i can really ADVOCATE it. except for myself. and for white winners. which i am not!!!!

also smokin it while driving is prob a bad idea. but so many Stoners do just that. smoke and drive all the damn time. I cant BELIEVE this doesnt cause ANY accidents. stoners that would be horrified at drinking and driving smoke and drive EVERY DAY.

IMHO this is wrong. i think it prob does impair your driving. of course i sm0ked and drove a decent number of times. because i was selfish and nihilistic and thought i was above the law and that i’d never get caught, just like i thought when driving DRUNK. and i drove DRUNK many times and eventually was caught. served me right. i shouldnt have driven SO drunk SO many times. but you know when you s0ke a ton of MJ and your heart is racing and it feels like you are running in a dream, quicksand, how can you possibly drive normally.

i mean yeah its probably BETTER for driving than being RAGING drunk. obviously a lot of that DUI stuff is revenue generation for the city and county. and the fines and sentences for DUI should be laxer like they were in the 70s hahahaha. and they should expunge that from your record at least.

hmmm should i go to this opeth show. last time i was going to see them was they were touring with katatonia for the heritage album. that album sucked but i like katatonia and it seemed a good idea to see both bands in this venue with some friends. we got there and it was SOLD OUT before we could get tickets. that was pretty disappointing. shit that was at least 5 years ago.

i never listened to the album they did after heritage but i hear it was a lot better. now they have this new album “sorceress” which isnt even OUT yet.

akerfeldt said some of the record was inspired by luv gone wrong, problems he had with women, but nothing in particular? i was hoping it was something in particular, like a bad breakup with his WIFE, the mother of his children. i know he got married like 10+ years ago and had some kids, but he could be divorced by now.  maybe he is a huge deadbeat and how the hell can he be a good father while touring all the time. but he doesnt tour all the time.  i dunno. i hope he’s not a deadbeat, for the sake of his children. i am sure he is not alt right or racially woke though.

but he is determined enough to make his music his career, and that is NOT easy. he does VERY well. he can support himself and his family.

but 99% of musicians are degenerates! i just want some reassurance that he is a good father, cuz thats all that matters. matters a lot more than any music hes made in the past 15 years hahahahahahaha.

now i remember when damnation came out in 2002 or 03. that was EXCITING. hahahaha.

or spine chilling moments on old albums like orchid or my arms your hearse. for a while i thought my arms your hearse was the best album ever. it is still a great album.

blackwater park. also a great album. no joke.

never did a PHONE interview before. maybe its a german thing. oh yeah its a german company that does tech stuff for cars. infotainment computers and shit. much better than the asians who do a similar thing.  i will work for whites but not yellows hahahaha. speaking of those yellows never called me back for a second interview! i was starting to warm up to the idea of that job.

it would be great to do shitty on the 15 minute phone interview and then never get invited in for an actual interview.

actually 15 minute phone interview, i can see how that could be very useful. you do get a better sense of the person when you are actually talking to them. well…..maybe. maybe. i mean…..do i do better on the phone or in person? i think for interviews…..well shit. when i was doing my old job, taking phone calls, in those circumstances, i would have rather talked to my callers face to face. then i felt they might be nicer to me. but when they are evaluating you for a job….well you want them to be nice too!

but at the same time, i feel the same information you can get from a 45 minute interview can be gotten from a 15 minute phone call. then you feel less pressure definitely.

where are all the fookin entry level 14 dollar and hour fulltime jobs? why does everything have to be a damn big important 40k or 50k job?

where are the ENTRY LEVEL jobs?

this job was described as kind of an entry level job.

fook. my confidence is just pretty low after that clusterfook of 2 bad interviews on one day.

and now i feel like i have crossed the rubicon, that i have officially been unemployed for SO LONG, that i am like CANCER to any employer. they might be able to overlook a gap of 3 months. maybe 6 months. but not a god damn YEAR.

well george feels’s dad got a job after THREE year gap. but he was a Medical Doctor in ukraine hahahaha. was he really a medical doctor tho? and why isnt george smoking legal MJ???

so i will be sitting there in the interview just thinking about THE GAP. talk about a confidence KILLER.

becomes a vicious circle. people wont hire you because the GAP is too long. then you go on interview after interview after interview. get hopes up, get discouraged. 15 interviews. 20 interviews. 25 interviews. 350 applications. 400 applications. 500 applications. 9 months. 12 months. 14 months. 16 months. see what i mean?

instead of getting hopeful, like yep keep plugging away and be determined and good things will happen, power thru those 25 interviews and you will get there eventually…….. those optimistic thoughts begin to be countered with

THE MOTHER OF ALL NEGATIVE THOUGHTS:

THE LONGER YOU STAY UNEMPLOYED, THE WORSE YOU LOOK TO EMPLOYERS.

The LESS of a chance you have to get a job. sure, persistence is good, but not good ENOUGH to cancel out the effect of TIME, the lengthening GAP, making your value WORSE and WORSE and WORSE.

well i guess the REAL mother of all negative thoughts is, i have to K self right now hahahahaha. thank GOD i dont get that.

For me, its more like

I CANT HANDLE THIS I NEED TO QUIT MUH JOB RIGHT NOW

hahahahahahahahahaha.

thats not as bad as k’ing yourself. but you do flush an ENTIRE FOOKING YEAR of you LIFE down the CRAPPER. gone with NOTHING to show for it.

well thats not true. i have done like 40 hours of work on this job search hahahaha.

CORRECTION: i have done 33 hours of job APPLYING fron july 1 to aug 24. that does NOT count time looking for jobs, which DOES take time which i have not measured, and does not measure the 230 jobs before i started The Spreadsheet. ok, thats 230 jobs times 12.6 minutes per application, div by 60 to get hours, well there’s 48.3 hours of applications, plus 33, sheeeit thts like 81 hours of applying since april. well, march 28 i really started. almost 5 months ago hehehehe. 5 months to get 81 hours? WEAK! should be 40 hours a week every week! 160 hours a month!

well im just buttmad that people in 1975 didnt have to put in 80 hours of jobsearching jsut to find an average job.

also lets count 17 hours for 17 interviews hehehehehe. and about 40 hours for FINDING the jobs. so really i am at 137 hours hehehehe.

REALLY I should time my sessions of FINDING the jobs. JUST FINDING, NOT applying. like do it in 30 minute chunks because it is worse than mind numbing, it is mind and soul destroying hahahahaha.

 

 

TO AN OMEGA, BETA IS ALPHA

aug 21

heh. on a sunday. get two rejection emails on a sunday for the hospital that i am interviewing at tomorrow. from the same woman i will be talking to tomorrow. thats always a confidence builder. get rejected for two jobs by a person the day before you are going to interview with that person for a third job. i mean the jobs seem about in the same ballpark of skill, except the one tomorrow is part time. maybe i am only qualified for part time jobs at this point in my life hahahaha.

the good LORD is inviting me to listen to this GRIS album finally. i really am looking for something slightly more atmospheric than depressive per SE, but “atmospheric” is kinda a big umbrella that arguably gave rise to BOTH “blackgaze” AND “depressive”. Gris is often lumped in as DSBM but they seem to be also More than that, so at the end of the day, “atmospheric” might be the more accurate genre hehehe. i hear their other album is good too. they are known for good songwriting. good for them.  i listened to 20 seconds of this one and 20 seconds of that one, and decided I liked the production on this one better. the other one was more trebly black metal, not bad though. i hope there are SOME blast beats in there.

two fookin interviews tomorrow, what do i look like, a damn machine.

gris album sounds promising. really bass heavy, i was surprised by that. its not bad, just weird. was hoping for a heavier guitar sound tbh. the vokills are really good though. very pained agonizing niege-like screaming, i guess this is sorta “DSBM”-y.  but the music seems Sophisticated and a bit Progressive without being too Alternative Shoegaze Postrock. i mean these guys USED to wear corpsepaint 10 years ago hahahaha. GOOD.

damn 11k a year part time job, i shouldnt even be preparing for this interview. they reject me for every other high school GED job though.

i have applied to FORTY-EIGHT jobs at this hospital in the past 4-5 months, and this is the FIRST interview i have gotten from them. unbelievable. see i wasnt surprised that my degree was useless, but i thought the Reputation of my Well Reputed School would be able to get me one of these High School Graduate jobs and not have to apply to 48 of them with the first interview being for a crummy 11 dollar an hour part time job, hehehehehe. i knew the degree was useless, but I didnt think it was THAT useless, and I thought the name recognition was worth more too.

IM SORRY. MY FAULT. I WAS WRONG, YOU WERE RIGHT.

I thought the name recognition alone would get me a 12 dollar an hour full time job EASILY.

NOT EVEN CLOSE.

well theres a lot of factors here, like its not like i just graduated. i am not a Recent Graduate at all! plus i have a Long Gap of Unemployment where I was obviously not going to University!

the other interview tomorrow pays a lot moar and is a lot closer. you could actually live off this and have a FAMILY. a WAIFU and HUHWHYTE CHILD or CHILDREN. take out a huge 30 year mortgage and hope your neighborhood stays white and your home does not lose value. good luck with that. because FEDZOG is gonna stick some section 8 houses in there at some point. everywhere hahahaha. i mean its really up to the landlord innit? do they want to take section 8 money or not?

http://www.hud.gov/apps/section8/

heheheheheh

aug 22

well this is a FIRST, I went to the hospital looking all good and did my typing test and got 59 words a minute, not too good but they were only asking for 30 not 60 or 70 or 80 hahahaha. the HR lady was nice and she was like the supervisor is very nice and down to earth, don’t be nervous, i was like, thank you, i dont get as nervous any more hahahaha. but then when we got in there, it took a strange turn, like you are overqualified for this, you will be BORED at this job, bored out of your mind, what were you making at your previous job, i told them, and it was uhhh 3.50 an hour more than what this position was paying. yeah i think that was the finishing fatality right there. i said well i am perfectly fine with “boring” tasks, I like a routine, and also that I was making a conscious effort to branch out past the IT/Computers field, because I hate being in a call center taking calls from angry people all day and getting confused and flustered hahahaha no i didnt tell them that but I almost wish I could!

it wasnt even a real interview but i will count it anyway because i had to get dressed and drive out there and i thought it was gonna be an interview!

there was a super duper qt young gurl in the HR office waiting with me for her interview. no older than 22. ridic qt. but she had brown hair and brown eyes and might have had some nonwhite in her. but i would have gladly betrayed my race with her hahahahahahahaha. i mean i dont SEE qt early 20s gurls like this every day, im not in COLLEGE any more!

and when you are in COLLEGE, you see HUNDREDS of gurls like this every day! its RIDICULOUS! talk about abundance! then when you get out of college, theyre nowhere to be found. i guess they go on to their illustrious careers making more money than me. being challenged. stretched out of their comfort zone hahahahaha.

sheeeeit i would LOVE to be bored on the job. but they caught me off guard and I saw there would be no convincing them. the hospital recruiter said she would forward my name to other departments so that i could be i dunno maybe NOT rejected for the other 47 jobs i applied for at the hospital. then made some remark that i should be focused on “good fit” and not just trying to get any old job, because you dont want to seem desperate. well she said it in a very tactful way so i did not take offense.

there was also a young black gurl in the HR office waiting for an interview who was obv kinda “GHETTO” and did not know how to dress or speak properly. no references hahaha.

so how should i respond to these types of things? tell them, no i dont think i’d be bored? i can’t say i AM desperate and i’ll take anything. i can’t say i’m emotionally unstable and can’t handle high pressure work, so i’d PREFER Boring work. i guess i could Give Them My word that, if hired, I would stay in the position for 1 year minimum and be the best employee they ever had, going above and beyond, well outside of the job description. yeah i guess thats the best thing to say. i would proactively find challenging, difficult, stressful problems to solve, and made sure that it was a struggle to survive each day without blowing my brains out hahahahaha. push myself to the LIMIT EVERY DAY.

its not a real job if it doesnt make you want to blow your brains out! where every day you are tempted to Walk Out and Ragequit or Panicquit without a backup plan!

well i sent the woman a thank you email anyway. waiting for my second “interview” of the day which she would certainly agree is a better fit for me. a computer/IT related job that pays 42k a year. shit to me that is TOO much. I am UNDERQUALIFIED for this one. OVERqualified for the “lab assistant” job. which she described as boring “DATA ENTRY.” I guess I could have told her I am looking EXACTLY for data entry. anything beyond that is too stressful.

I told her, well, the job description was kinda vague, I interpreted this more as an “Administrative Assistant.”

at the same time i did not want to fight with them too much. ok if you really dont want to interview me for this job, then fine. then stop rejecting me for the other jobs!

but i think going out there and taking the damn typing test and presenting myself was worth some Brownie Points, and might get me moved into some Internal Good Boy Pool. Best case scenario hahahaha.

well now i can start smoking ciagarets again hahahaha.

there were 4 people in there for interviews at 10 am on monday. at the hospital. i mean its a bigass hospital.

the unimpressive young black gurl, but good for her for trying to get a Job, but my god my white privilege was embarrassingly visible over her black disprivilege; the super cute 21 year old gurl. she was wearing a knee-length skirt (good) and non high heels (good!) in other words, she wasnt dressed like a business whore or a whore in general, which made me think “LOW NUMBER. LOW N. N<5. GOOD.” but she might have been partially something nonwhite. who knows. maybe she was just Italian or something hahahahahahaha. Trust me, Uncle Adi would totally have given me a pass on this one.  I SHOULD have struck up Small Talk conversation with her. i am sure she was nervous about an interview too.

and now i;m writing this bullshit when i should be studying for my MUCH MORE IMPORTANT INTERVIEW at 1;45.

ok i am back from that. it was OK but for the feeling that i was being rushed along. short and sweet. 45 minutes scheduled for the interview. i started rambling as I often do. well early on they stopped me and said we only have 45 minutes, lets try to keep it short and sweet, and I said “I understand completely. Will Do.”  hahahaha.   i had to answer honestly that I did did not know microsoft spcc. also i am not good at writing my own scripts and would need direction.  the IT supervisor seemed like a Nice Man and he had a huge beard and a keychain that said “#1 Dad”. He was about my age. the other people were HR and or project managers. I tried to go as quickly as I could. they said they were interviewing 3 people. I was very happy with the compensation and benefits. was, am. I got a little nervous trying to answer everything quickly. they even snuck in a “FUN” question about my favorite game or movie or TV show. I said welp I know there are probably a lot of gamers in here, I am not up on modern gaming, but I used to be really good at mario kart 64.

they asked me muh greatest accomplishment and i said gradjooating from Kollige, and also succeeding at my previous position, which was very challenging. a good Personal and Professional Growth experience it was, I said.

forgot to squeeze in the shit I had studied about the department. the 2 million dollar upgrade in 2013 or whatever.

i saw a big command center for some kind of emergency dispatch. there was like a 500 foot tv that is the most expensive piece of equipment in the county hahahahaha. i wonder how much taxpayer dollars went to that monstrosity. that would not be used by the IT department though. I dont think. well really it was like 50 10 foot tvs making up one ridiculously large screen. i mean why not have a projection like a movie screen. this was like a bunch of super large tvs. horry sheet. county executive gets some great photo ops there, and nonunion wagies can bitch about it in the local newspaper disqus comments, where I upvote all the racist and antiunion and right wing and grumpy comments.

so basically the woman from the hospital was saying, dont apply for rinky dink easy 11 dollar an hour part time jobs, it LOOKS DESPERATE.

but you ARE desperate, and also desperate for something that isnt so high stress that you will have another nervous breakdown. these NORMIES dont know what its like to be on the Edge every day!

i mean im not on the edge RIGHT NOW, but when i was working i was! like holy shit i cant handle this, i HAVE TO QUIT.

panic every damn day. not knowing how you are gonna make it through every single day. none of these people i see in interviews are like this. when you are in a state of constant on edge ness, it shows. heh. i probably show that (as well as muh desperation) in muh interviews.

there will be SOME phone work in the tech job that i interviewed for today, but it seems well worth it. there is all ready a “call taker” and we would be doing other tasks than constantly answering phones. plus it pays FOOKING 42 GRAND A YEAR, PLUS BENEFITS LIKE HEALTH INSURANCE, PAID TIME OFF, 401K with like 5% matching. it would be enough to LIVE ON, and have a WIFE, and have your own house not in a section 8 ghetto, and not be ashamed of yourself whenever you meet new people or women.  and proudly announce, I am a 35 year old man who makes 42 grand a year as a bla bla. and things are going pretty well thank you. i am happy where i am at. FINALLY, FOR THE FIRST TIME.

said there are THREE people interviewing. surprised they told me that. so I automatically have a 33% chance going in. well i was nervous and rushed today, so that probably brought me down to my average of 5% chance. (figuring 1 out of 20 interviews will lead to an offer. even if only 3 people are finalists hahahaha.)

i keep forgetting the asian company might call me back for a second interview.

its just….sheeeeeeeit that god damn pseudo interview is starting to rub me the wrong way. just go through the interview, it can be FAST, let me at least talk to the supervisor, but to shut down the interview after 1 question like that was just WEIRD and it really does not sit too well with me! but i realize people make mistakes and fook things up all the time, and i really dont think she was being intentionally bitchy. but shit. ever stop to think i might LIKE or WANT a boring easy job? because unstable panicky weirdos need to work too!

but i dont want to always be the panicky weak weird unstable emotional basket case nutjob who cant handle shit!

the haves and havenots. these NORMIES who HAVE their jobs and wives and normie lives and go to work every day, make 30 grand a year, have health insurance, can afford a home not in a drug crime jungle ghetto, dont want to blow their brains out every day, are not constantly on the verge of a nervous breakdown.

got a call from this testing company today about possible interview. call from actual manager. looked him up on linkedin before calling. got voice mail. left message. would not mind getting this Entry Level Testing Technician job close to home. I think I offered them 13.50 an hour after using glassdoor to get an estimate. however i have no experience. there is talk about lean manufacturing, six sigma, bla bla bla. do they explain those terms to the people who talk about them like they know what they mean? i have NO idea what these terms mean.

lean, agile, scrum, waterfall, its all the same bullshit to me.

but see some of the stuff is NOT bullshit. like Root Cause Analysis. they actually asked me about this in the interview today. I had to tell the truth that I did not have any formal training or work in this, but that I showed the initiative to try to determine root cause on my own because I knew how important it was. but there was no system or procedure. it was more throwing spaghetti against the wall and making it stick. only the top 20% level 1 monkeys even KNEW was root cause WAS. And I dont even know if i know what it really means. but my idea of Root Cause is that it is legitmately, no bullshit, actually imporatnt.

so i tried to bullshit and say, in a good way, that i have no actual training in root cause, but that I know its important and I tried to do it as best as I could without help or guidance or any idea if i was doing it right. like i guess it is an ACTUAL science. theres a right way and a wrong way. sheeeeeeit. that would involve teaching your level 1 wagies BEST PRACTICES rather than just throwing them in the deep end.

again its like fookin feral children. nell. you speak a weird feral language. you learn how to swim with the worst akwardest doggy paddling form. you have TERRIBLE FORM. that makes actually knowledgeable CRINGE. I cant believe we let him get away with that! welp back to our meetings and internet surfing, they have calls to answer.

hehehehe this is almost like low grade post traumatic stress hahahaha.

and that god damn WOMAN doesnt have to do 20 interviews, she doesnt need to know root cause analysis, she doesnt need to do Learning of her own Initiative, and she is a Full Year ahead of me with Work Experience! fooook that bitch! she doesnt need to DO anything because theres always some beta bitchboi who will do shit for the pretty gurl! she never needs to use her stupid brain and can smoke MJ all day! and make fookin 32 grand a year hahahaha.

i make her sound so evil and manipulative and she is not. she was never the type to take advantage of the supplications of white knights. but shit. how could you not, being surrounded by white knights all day.

i would! but i wouldnt “take advantage” of them. if anything i would be the one BEGGING for HELP. PLS HALP MEEEEEEEEEEE IM DROWNINGGGGGGG.

but yeah i kinda wish she CARED about how i was doing. the Year Of Pain where I struggled to Get Over Her, and now this struggle with job search. we used to talk about jobs and how ridiculously hard it was to find a good one. and now she has passed me up and left me in the dust. but not if i got one of these 40k+ jobs!

but nobody wants to hire me becuase i Seem Desperate and have been Long Term Unemployed.  this is the biggest loser a man can be. Jobs arent interested in him and WOMEN for DAMN sure arent interested in him in the LEAST. there is NOTHING more UNATTRACTIVE to a woman than a jobless bum. well, apart from a supplicating, weak omega male. and at least half of them have jobs hahahaha. try being the other half without a job.

and i hate the feeling that she was too GOOD for me, and i wasnt good enough for her.

but these employers are basically saying that i am too good for their 11 dah PT job and shouldnt even be applying!

well then reject me like you rejected me on all the others!

well, THOSE i got rejected because i was applying too INDISCRIMINATELY, and the HR dept NOTICED my SHOTGUN approach. He’s not TRYING hard enough, reject him. but call him in for this mickey mouse job….then tell him he’s overqualified and would be bored. wtf.

see its hard to make any real SENSE out of it, and again, i dont think there IS any lesson to be learned. just keep plugging away. like jack sprat on his fat ugly hambeast of a wife.

i mean i do UNDERESTIMATE myself and think i’m only worth 11 dollars an hour. maybe I AM really worth 42k a year!

well i know im worth AT LEAST 15 dollars an hour because i made that at one time! hahahaha.

but im not worth a nonslutty 25 year old n<4 woman who is chill and not super dramatic. well she turned out to be hahahaha. all women are capable of severe drama. even the ones who seem chill. but you know what i mean. some women are just EXCRUCIATING and OBNOXIOUS after you have spent an hour with them. like holy shit i wouldnt want to date her! its like its SO HARD for a woman to be NICE and PLEASANT and NOT OBNOXIOUS. and she succeeded very well, and that was VERY important to me.

i never had a “FUN” interview question until today. what is your favorite game, movie, or tv show. i smiled and said thats a good question. then told them i listened to nazi fascist white supremacist podcasts erry day, and depressive suicidal black metal, and all sorts of black metal black metal black metal, oh and some death metal and doom metal too, and i dont watch jooish tv or movies cuz all that is jooish filth, i stopped watching game of thrones because its jooish filth, i only watch crime shows and married at first sight and muh fav movies are mulholland drive, i stand alone, and the turin horse hahahahaha. basically really fooked up movies that if you ever saw them, you would think i was a fooked up maniac and completely unemployable.

so you have your NORMIE answers. and i did. i went with normie vidya games like mario kart because i legit loved mario kart 64 back in the day. i also like normie tv shows like breaking bad and jeopardy and king of the hill, and normie music like……tom waits? no, not normie at all. like a bunch of classic rock like led zeppelin and neil young and all that stuff. pink floyd, sure. grateful dead. people USED to listen to the grateful dead at least! i like normie movies like…………………i havent even SEEN a lot of newer normie movies. i like forrest gump and goodfellas and…. i cant even say kubrick cuz only WEIRDOS like kubricks WEIRD movies. im a movie buff or used to be, i swear….i just like weird movies 4 unemployable weirdos!!!!! shall we craft customized cover letters whilst watching the turin horse hahahahaha.

and the next time i actually WATCH turin horse i will probably be like yeah this movie IS totally overrated, I cant believe i fell for such obvious BULLSHIT. this is SO pretentious and bullshitty. you really do need to be in the mood for that one, hahahah.

also i am a white nationalist and a woman hater, hire me hahahahaha.  but i have VERY GOOD people skills and problem solving skills. no im not married and no i dont have any kids. THAT I KNOW OF, HAHAHAHAHAHA. but seriously folks. i havent been with a woman in over 10 years, for more than 4 weeks, EVER. hahahahahaha.

did 5 mile powerwalk. listened to some more of that gris album. the vocals are pretty much ideal and what i would try to do if i could write black metal type music. i love the tortured scream type vocals. but i guess i was looking for something with slightly catchier riffs and a somewhat diff guitar tone. i like the prominent bass and the bass playing is very catchy and the bass tone itself is great…….and i like for example opeth morningrise that has crazy bass….but i dunno it needs to be turned down a little bit, and the guitar turned a little up. but the vocals are pretty much perfect. love that style.

now going to try this album by saor

which is atmospheric black metal with folkish pagan bits where the folk element is scottish/scots type stuff. i of course luv scotland and scots and have yet to hear some “atmoblack” with that particular element. give it a try. the guy from panopticon playing drums. should probably give panopticon a try too. i like the idea of one guy in damn kentucky being a one man black metal machine. atmoblack hahahaha. i luv the idea of atmospheric black metal, but lets keep the hipster blackgaze stuff to a minimum however. but atmospheric black metal has been a thing since the early 90s.  and i have been a huge fan of “hvis lyset tar oss” and “filosofem” for many, many years.

you can be really “progressive” with black metal or you can be really “regressive” and it still works. now i dont like progressive anything except for a little bit in the musical sense. get really creative. i mean its not easy to do it well. but black metal is just possibly the best type of music hahahaha. IMHO. hehehehe.

heh got up at an almost respectable time of 645 am today. real working mans hours.

 

THIS IS WORK, NOT SCHOOL

aug 19

big interview with the asians today. the 15th interview. well it only makes sense i should get to 20 then.

had that sense of nervousness last night, like i couldnt study enough about the stupid company, and nothing was sticking.

THIS IS WORK, NOT SCHOOL. You don’t come here to LEARN, you come here to WORK. DO. MAKE. Do LEARNING on your OWN time. LEARNING wastes time and money.

so say youre having trouble with a class. struggling. there is ALWAYS outside help people are very willing to give you, whether its from the teacher (maybe) or a tutor. the school often provides tutors for the popular “hard” classes in math and science. but what if you want a tutor for your JOB because youre just not getting it good enough? you want to, and you are very frustrated.

THIS IS WORK, NOT SCHOOL. NO TUTOR. figure it out yourself or i guess you werent a good fit. see ya.

or, alternatively, say you call the tutor and they KNOW EVEN LESS THAN YOU DO. they never even TOOK the course, and you’re describing to them difficult problems from the course. how do I do this integral you say, and they say, hmmm whats an integral? i dont have any knowledge or experience in the subject i’m supposed to be tutoring.

THAT was EXACTLY how the last job was. I STILL get sick just THINKING about it.

an acquaintance of mine described how he lately has developed nervousness on PLANES, which certainly a lot of people have. totally understandable. I want to go to the doc and get a few xanax for this plane ride. he said even just THINKING of the experience in the plane was starting to make him nervous. yep. i totally understand completely.

the job was like being locked in the plane all day every day.

it pushed you to a panic state of Fight Or Flight, and you wanted to Flight, but you COULDNT. It was your JOB to FIGHT.

so how well do you think you’re going to fight when you’re panicking and you want to flight? you’re gonna fight like shit, make bad decisions, and get BTFO’d! K’d!

a successful fight usually requires superior strength, and or preparation.

like if you are caught off guard by a big burly brute, you better hope you are a well trained martial artist. or have a Sidearm.

AYO HOL UP. what kind of job is only open for ONE DAY. opens 18th, closes on the 19th. pays 20 dah. not bad uh. state job so they tel you that info. anyway. that tells me that they HAVE to post the job, but there’s no minimum amount of days they have to post it. and there is strong implication the job will go to someone internal. which is GOOD! unless its been promised to someones incompetent daughter hahahahaha. which is not good.

heh. now i am not worried at all about the interview. fookin asians. last time i apply for this company hahaha. no health care premiums but they dont cover prescriptions i hear. yeah well i need prescriptions to keep me “sane” enough to essentially not be disabled hahahahaha.

millennial woes is exactly right, casual secs and promiscuity is NIHILISTIC and leads to NIHILISM.

same thing with ABORTION.

http://goaskalice.columbia.edu/answered-questions/i-feel-i-have-lost-ability-communicate-people

hehehehe

had muh interview with the asians. talked to two white guys who were definitely engineerish. seemed nice but also a bit dorky. PERFECT. well the one white guy had sort of asian eyes. he could have been 35% asian hahaha. i just tried to make myself not seem like a total idiot. they have second interviews. i might get invited to that. im sure the asians will be at that one. i definitely saw asians when i went in. asian gurl at the front desk. i even heard asians speaking asian hahahahahaha.

YES I know exactly what manner of asians these are, i’m just not SAYING due to doxxing.

the white guys seemed nice. not alpha charismatic trumplike though. just straightforward sorta dorky white engineer normies. i think they want more of an engin background than i have. they were not allowed to discuss pay, or how many people were interviewing.  glassdoor suggests about 14.50 an hour. the guys did say it was hourly not salary. they could divulge that much.

they said there was training. and people who could help you. and you dont take phone calls from the customers. you just TEST the PARTS. i might even take the job if offered hahaha. it is fairly close.

casual sex and chill hangouts are   N I H I L I S T I C !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

when you are an angry 16 year old virgin, nihilism SOUNDS really kewl. but its really no way to live. its degenerate and nihilistic and BAD and shitty.

anyway i went in there thinking fook this place, fook off back to asia, you dont know how to run an american company,  and talking to the white guys i felt a little better. but yeah i def saw and heard some asians chattering in asian. i am SURE there is a double reality or classes of people here. asians speaking asian, making all the big decisions, reasonable or more likely unreasonable, and then the white goy underlings.

supposedly the bilingual asian-americans are seen as the lowest of all rather than the native asians? that seems weird. but asians are weird.

no i dont have any asian friends. or jooish friends or arab friends or black friends or brown friends or female friends or gay friends hahahahaha.

well, i will be reuniting soon with a college acquaintance who is a jooish woman lesbian hahahahahaha. i got along with her well back in the day, she was very nice to me and i was nice to her. well i feel bad even that i sorta left her in the lurch when i made a new group of friends who were more dramatic hahaha. they were good people too but they were very cliquish and i got sucked into the clique. big part of it, i was in LUV with this one gurl in the clique. that was really the crux right there.

OH ITS 440pm on FRIDAY AFTERNOON, THAT MEANS THE REJECTION EMAILS START ROLLING IN.

heres one for General Office Clerk full time at the Big Medical Revenue place that is super close. the place that has Reasonable Job Descriptions for entry level people, so I apply to all their shit except the call center CSR jobs.

actually this was a PART TIME job with them that i applied for 3 weeks ago. pretty good turnaround time guys hahaha. no it really is. i expect at LEAST a month to get a rejection email!

25-30 people in the quality testing department the job is in.

aug 20

yes as i get further out the clearer everything becomes. she just didnt want to DEAL WITH IT. you ever get something thats just TOO MUCH TO HANDLE. thats what it was for her. as soon as she saw one long email from me, she said NOPE. TOO MUCH TO HANDLE. I CANT DEAL WITH THIS. delete. not because she hated me, not because she felt betrayed by me, not because i was a horrible person, all stuff i was very worried about at the time.

also, it’s much easier to lose a friend than it is to lose somebody youre in LUV with. MUCH easier hahahaha.

plus she was in the process of moving out of our friendship anyway. well it would have been nice if she talked about that with me tho hahahaha.

shit yeah it sucks. shit YEAH it takes a LONG time to get over. at the One Year anniversary, i am actually pleasantly surprised by how much I AM Over It. It seems too fast, too soon, for something that was THAT big of a deal. should take at LEAST TWO years to get over hahahaha. well, im not over it entirely. it prob will take 2 years before i am able to have feelings for other women.

this was a great talk, i wish it went on longer. you dont have to end it just because its an HOUR, greggy hahahaha. Weev is WHITE HOT and one of the BEST young people for Our Movement. I think Greg is great, but he’s not on the Leading Edge. But he WANTS to be, he’s TRYING to be, and that is good. he embraces leading edge stuff like Weev and TRS, rather than infighting against it like irrelevant butthurt losers.

I like how Weev cracks himself up laughing at his own ridiculous jokes. he sounds a little bipolar or narcissistic but thats not really surprising.  he’s a great Ideas Man, he’s young, he’s ridic smart, and i am glad to have him on our side. i just want him to make more appearances and give more talks. make more vidyas. every time he talks he says something interesting and usually important and useful.

this is why i donate 25 euros a week to WEEV hahahahahaha.

yeah of COURSHE i would try to get weev on my podcast hahahaha. i would have him on for 3 hours and for multiple episodes. whenever he wanted.

well i mean i would have my huhwyte podcast, and then my neetcast, and i’m not sure there should be a lot of crossover. BUT THATS MY NICHE!! pro-white neets!!!!!!!!!

but pro-white is GOOD, and neet is BAD. well, thats why I focus on OVERCOMING neetness, UP FROM neetness! it’s not a celebration of neetness!!!!!! AT ALL!

I am older than weev, but younger than greg. i really identify with the younger generation here, but i am also slow to adapt to change like the older generation. like i totally understand greg’s attachment to publishing. its what he DOES. but i dont see it as a Growth Market. not that everything HAS to GROW all the time. but we WANT pro-white stuff to grow for sure!

and weev is applying an interesting advertising/marketing like perspective to it all.

i wish weev would come back to the US and do a lot more real life networking. real life networking is also VERY important. more important than publishing books. we have enough good books.

right now the hot shit is memes and forums, PODCASTS, and real life meetups and networking. getting successful, well-adjusted normies on our side. people with good jobs, wives and children. get the strong, successful alpha men on our side, and then the women will follow.

anyway lots of older huhwhytes say weev is controlled opposition, a shill, a mole, that back in the day he “hunted nazis” and now he is just rounding up young gullible nazis with no knowledge of his history.

that he is a FED, basically.

i dunno. i’ve been disappointed before. if he turns out to be a fed I will stop giving him money and singing his praises. TRS and Daily Stormer like him, so that is good enough for me. and Greg hahaha.

so yeah i am less angry at HER as well. i can totally forgive her and be somewhat less butthurt. i can totally understand why a person gets into fight or flight mode and then runs away. says NOPE. I CANT EVEN. ive done it before. i knew it was not the greatest thing to do but i just didnt care. i was that convinced i couldnt deal with it, i didnt care who i hurt. well i was never really HURTING anyone hahaha but myself. no not in a physical self mutilation way thank god!!!! but in a throw my future career away sort of way.

so yeah i dont get as mad any more about her doing something HORRIBLE to me. yeah it wasnt GOOD, but it is SUPER understandable. that doesnt make it right, but it doesnt make it horrible either. it sure felt horrible because i was in serious luv with her, and i stand by that. true luv is not something to be trifled with. its what joins two peopel together for LYFE, and creates NEW life. its more serious than cancer. and thats what i had for her. not some casual, nihilistic, replaceable, throwaway trash jooish bullshit.

joos turning your luv and your relationships into cheap chinese throwaway crap that you buy at walmart and the dollar store.

http://www.dailystormer.com/we-made-the-cover-of-time/

alt right internet trolls are the current cover of time

i guess the magazine is dying but thats still pretty big, its in doctors offices and normies homes everywhere.

ok no comments on the time article allowed. it only really mentions milo the joo queer and also weev, with some great quotes from him, telling the joo author of the time article he belongs in a fooking oven.  and of course milo is a degen and doesnt represent anyone. does he represent breitbart? im sure there are many decent breitbart readers and maybe some ok breitbart writers…..but he is not one of them hahahaha. talking about loving black dick. gay making out with gavin mcinnes to show that right wingers are not “homophobic.” i mean i guess mcinnes could be a gateway to better thinkers hehehe. but i didnt need a gateway. well im not a normie tho hahaha.

well lets say i found some young gurl who i found really qt and she turned out to be a huge slut and offer it up to me quickly. of COURSHE i would take her up on that. i cannot turn down secs from attractive young women, casual or not! but she would probably “dump” me after i banged her 3 or less times anyway. cuz i would be nervous and therefore the secs would be AWKWARD. the first time would be horrible. the second time would be a little better. by the third time, might even cross the line into good…..but by then the gurl will be turned off from the previous two bad times. there wont be a third time. of course it wouldnt be “bad” for me, it would just be awkward and very very self conscious and nervous.  and that would be enough to make it “BAD” for the woman. I would want to do it again, and she wouldnt.

 

GIVING A BULLSH1T NONANSWER IS NOT A RESOLUTION

aug 15

sheeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeit.

hey i appreciate everyone that follows and reads this blog hahahaha. even if you are all just scammers trying to turn your self improvement blog into your JOB. hey i guess im doing the same thing, in a veyr low energy, low effort way.

had interview today for 20 hour a week, 11 dollar job. i will take the job if they offer. they seemed nice. wore blue suit. tried to seem normie. apparently help is available if you get stuck.

intvited to interview for 42k ft job next monday. county IT department. horry sheet. i hate these because i am not worth 42k. i am worth more like 28k or 30k. why can’t they interview me for those jobs. WHY DONT THOSE JOBS EXIST OR GET POSTED?

yo either make 9 bucks an hour, or you make 40k a year. NO inbetween hahahaha.  that is so stupid.

http://www.online-stopwatch.com/cash-clock/

did i link this yet. my new favorite form of countdown clock / stopwatch.

this could seriously provide a LITTLE extra motivation. and that shit is VALUABLE. VALUE-ADDED hahahaha.

i just think its fooking DISGUSTING that you HAVE to bang a broad QUICKLY in order for you to ever have a CHANCE with her. I dont WANT to be with the type of SKANK who BANGS QUICKLY.

just the WAY women “date” is DISGUSTING. So naturally the idea of Dating does not sound fun to me, but rather DISGUSTING. just a bunch of dirty sluts fooking like a bunch of muh dik ingras. god damn. and if you dont fook them like sluts on the first date then you have no chance of having a real rel. and they cant see how stupid and wrong and disgusting it is to fook on the first date (or the 5th date, hahaha.)

just got 2 rejections from same company, including application i sent just an hour ago. damn.

MAYBE they are one of those asshole companies that wont even call you for an inteview if you are not current Employed. i wouldnt be surprised. fook shitcvnt shitphags.

heh. the one rejection I got right now was for “payment processor” for a requisition 2 months ago. i just applied for the same position title TODAY, but different requisition.

i bet that IS what it is. they just outright reject ANYONE who isnt currently Gainfully Employed. Are You Employed Sir. Get A God Damn Job, Al.

its just so weird though. some damn medical healthcare business services company rejects me outright for a damn 14 dah job, but a damn university will call me to interview for a 45k job. wtf. it just doesnt make any sense. i would need a TEAM of phds and attorneys to explain this to me. I couldnt pay enough money to get this adequately explained for me.

i mean they are both “good” companies but they have completely different policies here.

i just apply to this medical payment place regularly because they are close to home, they are big well known corp, and they are regularly hiring for entry level jobs.

in some ways I could be considered “overqualified” (degree from good school, no spelling mistakes in cover letter hahaha, have a linkedin page, why am I applying for a 13 dah job.) but in other ways I am “underqualified” (do not have 3 years working experience in medical payments processing. current unemployed.)

fook the bullshit!

hey i was willing to take her out on an official date. more than willing hahaha.

i should have been better about Reading Her Signals though. she clearly didnt want that, and rather than say no, she avoided it, cuz its harder for her to say no. ok fine i get that.

i dunno the only thing this teaches me is the value of communication. the importance. and i never fail to mention that in every job interview. good communication is absolutely essential. it is the most important thing. before you have good customer service, you must have good communication.

yeah i forgive her, i dont blame her, i sometimes blame myself for being so stupid and weak and foolish. but not as much as i used to hehehe.

its just fookin stupid as fook. everything about it was stupid. just fookin write me an email PLEASE. god damn. LISTEN to what I am SAYING. dont throw this all away in the most disgraceful way possible. show a little damn respect. dignify the relship with dignity hahaha.

interview today was ok. the woman was nice, but she was also more On Point than any interviewer ever, and went through everything. she was very well prepared hahaha. I appreciated that. and the receptionist was very nice to me, saying dont be nervous, the people youll be talking to are very nice. I smiled and said thank you.

hehehe when you are on your 14(88)th interview and its a 20 hour a week job, you just dont get nervous hehehe.

well at least when i have another nice female friend, 7/10, 25 years old, n<4, and we get along GREAT, I know how to handle it better when I fall in luv with her hahaha.

im trying to make the point that I have never made a female friend who was So Dateable. My other female friends, i never had any actual interest in them like that, in fact maybe I found them a little “too slutty” hahahaha. but I did not really judge them on that believe it or not. I was able to appreciate them apart from them being sluts. but I wouldnt want to date sluts like that!

yeah it sounds mean. they were nice people. dating them would have been crazy and bad tho, is all Im saying. in a way that it absolutely wouldntve with That Woman. Who was nice, not crazy, and not slutty.

365 jobs is what muh number is up to now.

i just hate majorly screwing things up. majorly majorly majorly screwing things up. you feel bad, feel a lot of GUILT and SHAME.

5 mile powerwalk.

applied to hospital job using the worst peoplesoft application ever. saw i was “not selected” for a job i applied to 3 days ago. but never got an email notifying me. THANKS. that was for an office assistant job. the one I just applied to now is “administrative assistant 1”. i am sure i will be “not selected” for that too.

it just sucks to go to college and be a 35 year old nevergf neet and you can’t even get an INTERVIEW for an OFFICE ASSISTANT job where you just need a HS education. that triggers and rustles me WAY more than going to an interview and not getting the job. at least then I get SOME confidence, get some experience, get to add to muh pile of interviews. and it tells me i am a finalist, i am one of the 10 best applicants. for a god damn 13 dah office asssistant job. not even an ADMINISTRATIVE assistant hahahaha.

very likely THEY dont like unemployed people too. god DAMN.

so the lesson learned is to REAPPLY to all these places once i get some kind of job, like this 20 hour a week job i interviewed today. way to get ahead of myself. they are interviewing 5 or 6 other people here. so i have like a 16% chance of getting the job hahaha.

i like that cash clock. it makes me feel like im actually making money and doing something productive when i apply for these jobs. like im getting PAID to do job applications. im not of course, but it feels like it just a little bit. like i am making money doing work, rather than just trying to get as low a time as possible! im still doing that too, but now im also MAKING MONEY for it! im not of course but even if i can make it feel like that a LITTLE bit. its a motivator.

as i was doing the powerwalk today i saw a qt young woman. in my neighborhood. i walked RIGHT BY HER. i was caught VERY off guard. I saw her way up ahead earlier on and did a double take, who is that nonfat youngish woman? and then i turned the corner about 15 minutes later and there she was! i hate passing people, but her i sort of looked at her and smiled and said hello, which the friendly normies do. most young attractive women HATE when balding betas do this, its literally rape. but she actually seemed to smile back at me! and i was like whoooooooaaaaaa should i go running back after her and ask her out to dinner? i did not expect that at all. I do not expect niceness or pleasantness from qt young women! And I totally get why! They dont like omega males, never have, never will. I more expect women to be cold and bitchy to me, i get SURPRISED and CAUGHT OFF GUARD when they smile and are nice. I can’t say I dislike it though! It was part of how me and that woman got along so well. she was FRIENDLY to me. she SMILED at me. when I very unused to women SMILING at me. it’s NICE, i LIKE it, but i am totally unaccustomed to it.

i was not wearing glasses so i couldnt tell anything about the woman other than she was not old and she was not hideous and she had a friendly look on her face. when i first saw her i couldnt tell if she was 13 or 23 or 33. if she was 13, thats bad. but i think she was actually an appropriate age. maybe she was an Eastern European Immigrant. if so, EVEN BETTER. real tradwife material!

it was the first time i ever saw her. if i ever see her again, I should ask her out to dinner. or lunch. or coffee. or ice cream. i mean im supposed to take her out for drinks and fook her on the first date if i want any chance at marrying her hahahaha.

anyway it reminded me how qt women being nice to you can make you forget about Other Past Women pretty effectively.

women have the attention of secsy guys all the time, makes it easier for the women to forget about men.

but omega males, we are so used to women being neutral (or negative) to us, that its a little WEIRD to have a woman be POSITIVE to us. but its the type of weird id like to get used to!

never say never again, 1983. sean connery came BACK to playing bond after like a 10 year hiatus. was there a hiatus? or did roger moore not enter until after 1983? i dont know, dont really care, i just thought connery was done with bond well before 83. also, kim basinger was VERY attractive in 1983. i mean shit i would prob still bang her 33 years later…..but she was a total 9/10 in 1983 hahahahahaha.

AM I THE ONLY PERSON ON THE WHOLE INTERNET WHO REALIZES THAT INDEED ALERTS SUCKS!!????!?!?!?!?!?!!

there are NO comments from other butthurt people like me. who can’t FIND the alerts they thought they had, tha

https://subscriptions.indeed.com/

AYOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

TOP SECRET INDEED PAGE INDEED DOES NOT WANT YOU TO KNOW ABOUT, RIGHT THERE!!!!!!

thats ALL I want. A list of ALL my active alerts on ONE page.

of course, there’s no link to EDIT the alerts from this page. that would make WAY too much sense.

searching my gmail TRASH folder for indeed alert EMAILS that contain a CANCEL link at the bottom.

http://www.indeed.com/my/alerts?from=nav

by my GOD, THIS page is the worst abomination EVER. a fooking ABORTION. it doesnt work, it hasn’t worked for MONTHS, and indeed does not care. this kind of OBVIOUS CORNER CUTTING and SHITTY QUALITY triggers me to no end. just because anyone above level 1 can just HIDE BEHIND level 1 indians saying we are so sorry for the inconvenience, but right now there are no plans to implement this feature. HOPE THIS HELPS! and thanks for choosing indeed. and they mark that as a RESOLVED CASE. NO. ITS NOT RESOLVED AT ALL. GIVING A BULLSHIT NONANSWER IS NOT A RESOLUTION. GOD DAMN.

and i hated being in the position where I was the level 1 schmuck who had to give the bullshit nonanswer!!!!!

She didnt care. She just gave the bullshit. she was so stupid she didnt even KNOW it was bullshit. shes just like whatever its a job, lemme just listen to music while i give bullshit nonanswers, cant wait to get out and smoke MJ, set up some chill hangouts with hot bois from tinder and okcupid, its so fun being single and dating for the first time in my life, and im glad to be done with that asshole jerk bitchboi who i thought was my friend but he just wanted to fook me! all men are jerks and liars who only want one thing! well two can play that game! besides he was a 35 year old virgin weirdo, i was WAY out of his league! gross!

and this is why you dont work at a terrible bullshit job with the woman you are in luv with hahaha.

so just go to dinner with the nice qt gurl from the neighborhood, or the qt dark haired woman at the weekly game. i dont see any of these women regularly or consistently, tho. NO EXCUSE!

basically, when i had my easy job from 2008 to 2013, i did not do NEARLY enough job searching. i did pretty good with schooling, in the sense i took a lot of classes that didnt do much. shit i KNOW i had a COUPLE interviews here and there kinda randomly, but i certainly didnt get the jobs. then i got the bigboy job in late 13 because they would hire ANYONE, LITERALLY. they hired a ton and fired a ton.

point is, right NOW, my jobseraching skills are the BEST theyve ever been. in terms of muh system. muh spreadsheet. muh indeed alerts. a few careerbuilder alerts. muh PACKET. muh folders of bookmarks. organization information. email alerts. i didnt have ANY of that before. until NOW really. 2016. current year. yeah thats shameful. but i would often miss out on jobs because i didnt KNOW about them, and i would think ehhhh shit i dont want to dig up addresses and phone number of every employer for goddamn PROFILES you have to fill out. i was way too LAZY about jobseraching when i had that job at that time. then i got the new job and had no time to do anything. just study the shit and try not to panic.

aug 16

heh. i want a BOOK or a 20 hour documentary on what Long Term Unemployed or Long Term Kissless Virgin Nevergf does to men. Neetness. there is the occasional article saying it can lead to despair. NO SHIT. i am looking for something that explores all this in depth. i guess that this is my niche, my calling, the doumentary i must make myself.

i thought about hanging out with that qt random woman and her being nice to me and smiling at me and cuddling with me and i thought HOLY SHIT what a BIG DEAL that would be, that would totally TRANSFORM me, i am totally MISSING OUT on something BIG.

and this is all from getting one small polite smile from a woman where I really couldnt tell how attractive she was.

well she seemed moderately attractive, maybe even the ever Problematic 7/10, otherwise i wouldnt have reacted so positively!

then they say, youre overreacting, its not gonna TRANSFORM YOU, if you got what you wanted, you’d soon find you were unhappy again, because you REALLY need to change something within yourself.

ok FINE. then i challenge you to PROVE me wrong by giving me that chance. give me a nice qt gf for a year and we’ll see if it TRANSFORMS me or not, hahahahahaha. if it doesnt, i will accept defeat humbly.

just GIVE ME A CHANCE.

although admittedly “chance” for me means more than “one strike and youre out.” give me at least 3 strikes hahahaha.

heh. we were both saying PLEASE STAHP to each other. she was saying please stahp pushing me to hang out and please stahp having weird feelings for me, I was saying please stahp avoiding me and ignoring me and not hanging out with me ever.

recipe for disaster.

stupid fookin jobs. so fookin retardedly stupid. i wish i didnt have to deal with this and i could have just lived with HER happily ever after.

but at least now i am applying for jobs and jobsearching with a pretty solid good system, and also sometimes noticing other women and feeling excited when they smile at me hahaha.

starting to think more seriously about focusing intentionally on part time jobs, and using that as a stepping stone to a full time job, because SOME COMPANIES automatically reject you if you are Currently Unemployed. ESPECIALLY if longer than 3 months. which it certainly has been!

in the sense that a little while ago, i was avoiding applying for part time jobs, and saying NO i NEED a full time job……when relally part time jobs are EASIER and they can HELP you in ultimately getting a FT job. so you dont get painted with the brush of “long term unemployed loser.”

this was kind of funny, its sad that kyle and sinead are so god damn confrontational , well especially sinead hahaha. not just confrontational but she insults and disparages good people with good messages. it doesnt have to be this way! you dont have to be such a drama causing bitch!

and kyle really is a handsome man. and sinead has some good, but the bad outweighs the good. i hope sinead is not leading kyle around by the balls, or making him do an open rel, and why for the love of Wodinn dont you just SAY that kyle is your husbando and that he is the father of your child…….UNLESS HE ISNT??????? in other words, sinead is super untrustworthy. but i think kyle can be redeemed, but he has to break free of sineads spell first.

so sad and frustrating to see healthy looking young white people be pro-white…..but mix it up with such stupid shit. they can do SO much better. they even have a sense of HUMOR!!!!

and its SAD that sinead is irreparably damaged. im not even sure how you could fix her. well find her a white man whos not afraid to put her in her place, get many more babies out of her, and keep her away from the internet!!!!! kyle does not look like he’s gonna be that strong man. besides, why would any man  DESERVE such a High Maintenance Handful? A strong man should be able to do BETTER than her, in other words.

but maybe an ex mudshark slut who is totally crazy is good enough for ME, an ex degen whos not a big winner. but i would STILL have to develop a VERY strong hand to keep her in her place!!!! and i dont have that yet! also i am nowhere near as handsome as kyle!

ok its a bit easier to do 28 minute job applications when you are listening to music at the same time. have to do that more reg.

applied for City job, US Attorneys Office FEDGOV USAJOBS job, and uhh hospital job where i have 40 other applications and never an interview. discriminating against the longterm unemployed hahahaha.

sheeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeit. busy day. was getting ready to go to shrink and got call from Electronics Company that I had applied to 900000000000000000 times but never heard a god damn thing. and now i hear from them. why now? why open this job to 500 new applicants every month? how am I in the Elite Pool? was it because I updated the profile to have Muh Packet? they use a Bad Taleo (there is a Good Taleo believe it or not) where its impossible to tell whats really attached to your application.

recruiter gurl talks to me, catches me way off guard, said….holy shit she has 5700 followers on linkedin and has a very powerful linkedin premium account. it is like i am being contacted by the fookin bill gates of Talent Acquisition and Recruiting.

when i am contacted off guard by someone, i always fear that i sound like a rude or distracted asshole or autist. i did the best i could, tried to be as nice as i could, and was able to sched an interview for friday (today is tues.) they wanted me to come in tomorrow. i hate coming in TOMORROW.  (but not as much as much as coming in TODAY hahahaha.) well they were able to acommodate me on friday actually. good. interview with a panel of 3 men. probably will want to test my knowledge of the company. GREAT.

then as i get out of shrink, get a call on my baterry dying phone from the HOSPITAL that NEVER calls me (except to schedule an interview for TODAY or not at all, hahaha.) they say you put 26000 on salary requirements. I said yes but that is very flexible, what is the range for this position (positngs here NEVER say), they say it starts at 11 bucks an hour, i say thats fine hahaha, see you on……cant do friday errrrr how about monday.

so now i interview with hospital monday morning for dumb 11 dollar part time job…….and then BIGGGGGG interview monday AFTERNOON with county for SWEET 42k job!!!

heh. never had 2 interviews in ONE DAY before, i guess this is a turning point eh?

rejection email from county for 26k job DAMN why cant they just INTERVIEW me for these jobs!!!!! applied 6/15, get rejection on 8/16. ok good.

all these olympic athletes have TRAINERS and COACHES. you dont say go out there and figure out how to win a gold medal. you PRACTICE for YEARS with a COACH who TEACHES you BEST PRACTICES.

bitches.

 

 

THEY CANT IMAGINE WHAT ITS LIKE FOR US, WE CANT IMAGINE WHAT ITS LIKE FOR THEM

aug 9

dat feel when you are “fasting” till about 1 pm hahaha

drinking coffee and then shart your pantz hahahahaha

nothing too major but you still definitely have to change the drawers.

thinking how the hell would you deal with this if you were at your JOB.

and this is why smart people have an extra pair of drawers in their car or locker just for this very reason.

because i am very very very smart and i still shart muh pantz as a 35 year old grown ass man hahahahaha.

been INTERVIEWING so much I have fallen back in my actually applying to jobs. so, trying to catch up on that today.

also trying to do 16/8 hours in terms of fasting/eating. do all your eating within an 8 hour window.

since i might have a snack around 9 pm tonight, that means i dont want to eat anything till 1 pm.

but i will drink coffee.

ok did 4 applications then ate small breakfast at around 115pm, as i was fasting on a 16/8 intermittent….i already described this hahahahalolololol.

rustlers_gonna_rustle_-_haters_gonna_hate_-_rustled_jimmies-20120923-142511

heh hehehe

5T6NLs2

leave me alone lads

ok ok i think that is enough of that.

 

its just fookin STUPID and DISGUSTING how what is SUCH A BIG DEAL to an omega kissless virgin, means ABSOLUTELY NOTHING to the average WOMAN. Not even talking about sluts. but average women are totally COMFORTABLE with the idea of secs, they ENJOY regular secs with their BF’s, they ENJOY regular cuddling and tickling and ASMR whispering, and all of this stuff is SUCH A BIG DEAL to us KV’s, because we have never experienced them before, or are on a 12 year dry spell hahahaha. WOMEN can NEVER know the pain of a 12 year dry spell. i just want them to check their privilege hahahahaha. i’m not saying they shouldnt HAVE this privilege. the privilege makes sense. whats RUSTLING is how they claim not to have it.

i bet its like how it makes Black Activists feel when Whites say that Whites dont have white privilege, white privilege is a MYTH.  hahahahaha.

well it is hahahaha.

but female relationship supply privilege is NOT a myth.

they cant even IMAGINE what its like for US, who havent even cuddled with a woman in 12 years;

and we can’t even imagine what its like for THEM, where being in a relationship and having regular cuddles and secs is NOT a weird thing.

hehehehe. thats my point. and that’s why i get rustled when WOMEN offer unsolicited advice to MEN. and really why only MEN can help other men out of this tragic, pathetic, despairing situation.

a woman having secs with her BF and not getting totally nervous about it. just enjoying the secs.

if we have ever had secs, we were extremely nervous about it and never had the chance to really enjoy it, because no woman ever stayed with us long enough so that secs was a regular, consistent thing that you could get comfortable with.

less than .00001% of women know what that’s like, because ALL women have been in long term rels where they had regular secs at least SOME of the time!

which im not saying makes them sluts. it just simply means there was a period in their life where they got regular secs and weren’t nervous about it and enjoyed it, and that is a pretty big thing, and they have a very hard time seeing how its a big thing, because it seems like such a NORMAL thing.

ate breakfast. now the challenge is, dont eat any snacks. dont eat any damn potato chips, dont even have a damn protein shake because even THAT is 180 calories.  i will have a tiny snacklike dinner at around 5pm and then have my Big Meal around 9 pm.

which is a terrible time to have your big meal, but this is my social event, and its kinda expected to get food, and this place has very good food.

i just wished women viewed secs as something SPECIAL that you shared only with someBODY special, and didnt just give away to men you just met.  i mean shit thats PORNOGRAPHIC. this is how New Life is Created!!!

i am so unmasculine that i look a photos of m1kk0 4sp4 and say damn what an awesome guy, i wish i could meet him one day, and then i notice he has a ring on his finger in 2016 that wasnt there before, and I wonder did some LUCKY LADY nail him down. well i mean yes i hope so, I want MA to marry a nice traditional finnish woman, pref virgin, and have LOTS of kids. he’s done some degen things in his past but he is totally able to make up for them.

when the same jobs pop up on DIFFERENT sites a few weeks later. should i count it as applying for separate jobs? shit yes, because i am spending at least 12 minutes on it hahahaha.

i hope muh buddy MA does get married to a nice finnish tradwife and never goes back to his degen interest in pornography and degradation and humanity is shit, etc. i think he knows by now that HIS people arent shit!

i just dont want him to pick the wrong woman. cuz i fear he has dealt with sluts and skanks in the past. (speculation.) but i want him to MARRY and have CHILDREN with a GOOD decent trad woman.

this is all from seeing a damn RING on his finger in a 2016 photo hahahahaha.

its none of my BUSINESS what he does in his personal life, and he’s not the type to TALK about it either!

i just think he makes great music and does great work, so i want him to be a great person in his personal life. and it was so encouraging to discover that he was big into Nationalism. Since I have been getting big on related topics too, hehehehe.

ok 7 jobs applied, got my daily average back up to 3.0, (7 day) got my 5 day work week average up to 4 per day. ie 21 per week. this is about as good a goal as any. maybe 25 per week hehehe.

shit i will have to apply to about 5 more today just to get to 22 per day. thats how these goddamn AVERAGES work. its difficult to push them even a LITTLE bit. which is appropriate for averages, I think.

see normies would say to me, why the hell dont you get a masters degree if you think youre so smart. you dont belong in the regular world. you belong in the masters degree world. or law or phd or something.

and then those people would say ehhhhh you fall a little bit short here, whyd you fook up in college? you might have been a good Professional, but you fooked up and never really corrected course. now youre in an awkward position.

and i will say yeah i hated school, i thought school was a scam. i tried going back to school a little bit to build REAL job related skills. thats what these 80 credits are right here. Then i got a new job, went crazy, then was in the depths of despair for a year. and here i am now, trying to get out of THAT.

wish there was a better word than “TRADWIFE” for an ACTUAL traditional, decent, good, moral, nonslut wife. because “tradwife” is a joke that means tranny. which is FINE……but what about the “tradwives” who actually ARE women?

i dunno i think some people use it to talk about actual females and we can determine if you are talking about a woman or a man based on context hahahahaha.

avg as 18 minutes for the 7 applications i did TODAY. longest one was 34 minutes. damn.

“A racist used to be someone who hated Blacks. Now, a racist is someone who doesn’t hate Whites.” Dr. David Duke.

I dont even know if DR DUKE said that, but its plausible, and its a great quote. yes i am the type of white racist who likes david duke. i would vote for david duke for senate ALL DAY if I lived in LA. I hope he wins. he’s a bit degen in his personal life, but his white stuff is UNIMPEACHABLE. I def went through a DD phase a few years ago. He made me moar J-wise. Great man, great teacher, go listen to his radio show NOW.

i have no doubt DD loves the White Race as much as I do hahaha. He is just tempted by Secsy Wimmin and Gambling. I mean shit if I had Secsy Wimmin throwing themselves at me, I would be tempted by them too. Plus he was always a handsome and charming man. However I am very curious how his relship is with his children. I know he has at least one child, well by now they are an adult. probably has grandchildren.

using lemon or lime juice and water as a natural deodorant hahahahaha.

new fatherland, and wewlad, looks like jim and bradan are guest hosting the daily shoah while seventh son is on vacation. well looks like i am gonna have to listen to another episode of the daily shoah hahahaha.

get

hahahahahahahahahahahaha

yes there is one more that is the coup de grace hahahaha

dont have nearly enough pictures on this blog.

that old friend contacting me reminded me that me and him got/get along really well and i dont have any friends like that in muh life any more. last time I saw him, That Woman was still a part of muh life, and becoming increasingly important to me. in fact i mentioned her to him, like i have this female friend that I get along with really well, and she’s not ugly, and she just broke up with her BF of 4 years, and I SHOULD be in luv with her, but I’m not, I dunno, it’s weird. and then soon after, i was in luv with her.

i mean if i lived in the same town as him, i would be hanging out with him all the time. great guy all around, just top tier man.

but he only lives 60-70 miles away! that is not far!

its too far for me, apparently.

but he is also good about accepting me for the lazy grumpy low energy low effort never lift a finger selfish badfriend that I am, hahahaha.

but yeah with her leaving my life over a year ago, i lost somebody that i felt very close to, and it was a big deal for me at least. point is i was pretty close to him as well, not in a secsy way of course, but we got along really really well in a way that I dont get along with my less close male friends.

aug 10

welp its all about the 16/8 intermittent fasting nao hahahahah. plan today is dont eat “breakfast” until 1.30 pm. totally doable.

applied for state general office job, 31k a year. not bad right? took 28 minutes on application, way up from the average 12. that average is slowly creeping up lately hahahah. might even get to 13. they asked like 5 or 6 “short answer” questions that thankfully I had saved the same questions and answers from a previous stupid app with this same state dept. which was almost 1 month ago. didnt even get a rejection from them. i suppose they could still call me in for interview. job today was only open for TWO DAYS. the posting I mean. my alerts usually come in after 24 hours. so it was opened yesterday, i found it today, and it closes TOMORROW. wow hahaha. wonder how many apps they will get. 200? certainly 100.

setting goal at 1200 calories a day. before the goal was at like 1450 and that was kinda hard to do every day. and I wasn’t really losing any weight. sheeeeeeeeeeeeeit. takes a LOT of self discipline to limit yourself to 1200. BUT I kinda need some kind of self disclipline!!!!!!

basically, the CONNECTION that i had with that woman, it was special, it was good, and thats what I want to have with the Woman I Marry and Have Children With. A Close, Intimate CONNECTION and Closeness and Intimacy. not something that falls short of what I had with That Woman who Childishly Ran Away from me.

connection, closeness, intimacy. it is VERY important. it is the foundation of TRUE LUV.

if you do a very fast google search on where a company office is located, and you immediate get hit with terrible reviews of the company and their “shady, useless staff”……should you still apply there hahahahaha.

sheeit they say the most powerful vitamin d sunshine is between 11am and 3pm. i usually go for muh long walk around 6 pm. because i hate walking around like a derelict earlier than that. but i might try it today for 1 hour from 2 to 3 pm hehehehe.  get some vitamin d. because the vitamin d supplements apparently dont work.

did i mention the sweet admin asst job that rejected me within FOUR HOURS of applying? i mean it looked real good. when I say that, I mean it doesnt seem to involve a call center, and the job description is fairly straightforward, no bullshit, and seems like something i am capable of, and i say HALE YEAH and apply for it ASAP, and mark it with “APPLYYYYYYYYYYY” and apply to it within an hour, if not right that minute.

another thing says between 10 am and 2 pm.

obviously most whites are at WORK during these hours and cant get their vitamin d. also, 66% of the US does not get direct enough sun during the winter to make vitamin d from sun, so you need Cod Liver Oil to help you as it does for the eskimos who get no sun ever. and the samis hahahaha.

so, armed with this SCIENCE IS MY FOOKING AWESOME GOD, I went for 1 hour powerwalk from 1:30 to 2:30 pm. it was already 90 degrees which i Luv. anyway it was great and I regret not doing this on other sunny days because i was too ashamed to be see not working during the workday hahahaha.  so i can still do a few more apps today and ive already done FIVE. then took a break and powerwalked and got OFFICIAL sun.

anyway i could tell right away it was different than the sun at 6, 7 pm. totally different. as they said, if you look at your shadow, it looks pretty short. short shadow good, long shadow bad. the sun was almost directly overhead. right above me. 90 degrees. the directness is key. also i am definitely in that 66% of the US that you can only get this during SUMMER.

i figured 1 hour was good enough. dont want to get a BURN. and of course if you use sunblock, you dont get vitamin d.

sun altitude needs to be above 50 degrees. today it got up to 62.7 at 1:30 pm hehehehe for my latitude.

http://aa.usno.navy.mil/data/docs/AltAz.php

so yeah i got the most of that. ideally i would have not wore a shirt at all hahahahahaha but i wore a “tank top muscleshirt” hahahaha.

11:30 to 3:50 is the times the sun was above 50 today. that is a very short window of time! ive been doing this all wrong!

essentially i am trying to “sunbathe” hehehehe.  for mainly vitamin d and some very slight tanning purposes. not to look “tan”, but basically to not look Pasty or Pale.  like these sluts that go to the tanning booth. they just look HARRIBLE.

i just want enough sun so i dont look like a pasty neet who never goes outside! becuase i LIKE going outside, most of all during the summer! ie right now!!!!! this is easily my fav time of year and soon it will be over! by the time you read this it will be the middle of february! and hopefully i will be working hahahahaha.

and we will have a new pres inaugurated, hopefully trumpenfuhrer. and hopefully he doesnt sell out the common white working man. but hillary could still win. the past week or so has been protrayed as trumps worst ever. i mean trump may have had a slam dunk in some states, but i really dont think he will in the general election.

june and july are best months for over 50 degree sun. aug is ok. sept is surprisingly bad. october is no chance.

yeah well what do you get from 45 degree sun? anything?

like in september there is barely any time to get the useful sun. the UVB rays. the UVA are the bad ones. UVB only breaks thru above 50 degrees. UVA can still get you tan but they also give you cancer.

i wonder how many cox these totally qt volleyball gurls are taking at the olympics. i mean shit their fathers can accompany them and keep them from whoring it up. also some athletes are Married or Committed. and so they should uphold their commitment to their BF by not CHEATING on them while they are at the olympics.

just in case i ever get into a committed real with a beautiful 20 year old olympic athlete gurl hahahahahaahah.

ok. 7 job apps. AND an hour powerwalk in the peak vitamin D sun, all before 5 pm. the sun gave a bit of noticeable tanning as well. much more than many hours out at 6 and 7 pm. lesson: the 1pm sun is EXPONENTIALLY stronger.

the bitch on this american pickers (jooers) would be very good looking if she did not have all those god damn degenerate tattoos! she is obviously a tattoo aficionado. and it is sad. because she is a physically healthy and very attractive 8+/10…..and then she defiles her body with a SHITLOAD of RIDICULOUS tats. which indicates SEVERE emotional disturbance.  CRAY CRAY. total cheater, mudshark, bipolar, borderline.

no father would let their daughter do that. unless the father was himself a tatted up freak. good chance of it. probably a biker or some shit.

BIKERS DO NOT MAKE GOOD FATHERS.

This one gurl I briefly liked, and was a crazy mudshark slut, her father was a biker and he was also a deadbeat and not present at all, which largely led to her becoming a crazy mudshark slut. good job friendo.

it can still be hot as hell and you can still get skin cancer and sunburn at like 5 pm….butyou wont get any of the useful UVB at that time! ridiculous! it really is not intuitive.

dontrustleme

bwahahahahahahahahaha

so. say you are applying and bla bla health care revenue cycle managed services inc for job a, you attach your packet for it.

then, 5 minutes after applying, you find job b with same company. you delete packet a from being “associated with the candidate record” and then upload packet B, which of course is very similar, just with a very words changed.

so what do THEY see when they look at your submission for job a? do they see packet B? do they see nothing?

of course they wont TELL you, they just throw your shit in the garbage where it belongs hahahaha.

so now my official policy is, keep uploading a new packet for every job, and give it a filename accordingly, until the system says you cannot upload any more. then delete the oldest one.

the things we do to get a 14 an hour job!

in the good old baby boomer days, it was assumed that you would be trained on the job for every job. NOW that assumption has shifted entirely: its not the COMPANY’s responsibility to train you anymore, its YOUR responsibility to TRAIN yourself.

it has been hard for me to accept this since in muh family and muh upper working class community, the boomer previous generations who raised us, they were in the Company Trains You world, and the next generation, Us, We are in the You Train Yourself at Great Expense world, and yeah you can get a little assmad about it. like how come I gotta do all this extra work just to get what you didn’t have to do ANY extra work for?

because joos. and you can either accept it and make some money to try to create your own strong white world, or you can complain and let da joos assraep you without putting up a fight.

359 days since i sent The Last Email to her. Aug 17th is the big one year no contact anniversary. maybe i should celebrate. yes i really should.

aw sheeeit that goddamn healthcare company essentially keeps positing the same jobs every 3-4 weeks, and i keep applying to them, only they use a different requisition number, but its basically the same job. I never get called. I have to wonder, are they actually hiring people? or is this one of those PHANTOM JOBS? that will just get posted every 3 weeks over and over and over again, getting 60000000000000000000000000000000000000000000 applications, allowing them to maintain a pool of the 100 best people of all time? which they prob wont do because its too much work. no time. time is money wagie! we can’t afford to schedule more part time hours to do that task!

like this fooking hospital. EVERY job they post is part time. like fooking nursing jobs, medical assistant, stuff you need an education for. getting a full time days job there is impossible.

i mean there are .7 FTE jobs and midnights jobs and PRN jobs and Rotating Shift jobs.  i am thankful i am just not that DESPERATE yet!

ok did a 3.6 powerwalk. 6.6 total today hehehe.

listened to that scottish 34 year old virgin with the phd who lives with his parents and cant get a job and has sent out hundreds of applications and gone on…..only 5 interviews as far as i can tell. well i have done 13 interviews and sent out 350 applications and nothing mother fooker so i am better than u virgin hahahahaha.

no i kid. i am totally on this guys side. totally. 100%.

he finds the silver lining in that he has very few expenses, he doesnt need much, he doesnt want much, he doesnt spend anything, he doesnt have some soul crushing job, and he doesnt have some bitchy GF sucking him dry.

that last bit sounds pretty mgtowy in the worst way and was the only thing i disagreed with.

when i was at “rock bottom” one of the few things that gave me hope was the idea that i was part of something larger, something greater, namely, the beautiful white race. and maybe ONE DAY I would be able to add to that white race and help it live into the future by having white children of my own. i saw the entirety of the White Race throughout history and how I was part of something beautiful and sacred. i might be unable to survive independently, support myself, find a woman, get married, have children…..but i could support other white families, add to white survival in other ways other than having children.

IDEALLY, having children is the BEST way……but theres still OTHER things I can do. also, not all whites who have white children are race conscious AT ALL. and would just as soon get knocked up by a white biker, then get knocked up by tyrone the black thug.  OR the children are swpl marxist hipsters and they teach their children that race is a social construct.

but yeah basically Race gave me some security, stability, confidence, and a sense of BEAUTY when I really needed all these things. when the world was a lonely, ugly, brutal, loveless place. when no job would hire me and no woman would hang out with me.

You can take muh life, but you can never take muh whiteness!

COME HOME, WHITE MAN.

it really was a big thing for me, and I recommend it to all white neets and losers and virgins. it grounded me and fixed my nihilism problem hehehehe.

You dont need to believe in nothing when you are WHITE!

now, white winners and normies will say this is sad and pathetic, and i’m CLEARLY becoming a racist because I have no real accomplishments of my OWN. and theyre not even really WRONG!

but I feel absolutely no guilt about being a white racist or about loving whites. It feels good and pure, like the love you have for GOD or a WOMAN or your FAMILY. It’s seriously on that level. and how can that be a bad thing???!?!?!?! ITS NOT!!!!!!!

women never will understand this. it doesnt matter. just find a woman who hasn’t been with a nonwhite, marry her, get some white babies out of her, and THEN she will probably understand, and never go black.

but yeah. women are not loyalty to their MEN, they are loyal to their CHILDREN, IF they are loyal to ANYONE. And MANY of them are NOT EVEN LOYAL TO THEIR CHILDREN!

again, it all starts with their fathers. The better the father, the more loyal a woman will be to her boifran or to her children.

in other words, i should have stayed away from that woman as soon as I learned she didnt have a real father. which i learned quite early.

BUT I did kind of build a BIT of a wall. I could feel her wanting to get close to me, and I was thinking, you have a boifran, and also you dont have a father, and I dunno. I will be friendly and nice and talk to you but I’m not gonna let you all the way in. we’re not gonna hang out every single week.

of course as time went on……..i was like well we get along SO WELL! and she’s SO NICE! she turned out SO WELL despite not having a father! and NOW she’s single!!!! she would be a great GF! and she’s going out with a black sleazebag so quickly after ending a 4 year rel, her first serious rel???? WTF????? Why not me????

so yeah you can see my train of thought.

but obviously IT WASNT MEANT TO BE. not even a little bit.

hard to say if we can trace that back to the no father being the root cause. IT CERTAINLY DIDNT HELP.

i dunno if i should argue for increased dose of citalopram tomorrow when i see dr. id just as rather argue for not seeing them every 6 months, but instead every 9 or 12 months.

i mean i am of the thought that i am basically untreatable and i need all the help i can get. the main thing that cures me will be Lifestyle Changes leading to Actual Success….and I haven’t gotten there yet, so keep throwing increased dose and also regular shrink sessions at it. shrink once every 3 weeks, and gradually increasing citalopram. why not. i mean im not getting younger and i am pretty far behind. need all the help i can get.

i have gotten a lot better about doing Job Search Work…….and its gotten me 13 interviews………but it hasnt gotten me an actual JOB yet. and then once i GET a job, I will damn sure want as much citalopram as possible to keep me from having a NERVOUS BREAKDOWN and SNAPPING.

because when I had muh Nervous Breakdown with the Job and the Woman, I had also run out of muh paxil.

but i feel that was a coincidence rather than causation.

i mean basically a large cause of the despair is my own sense of being a failure at accomplishing things meaningful to me: namely, with jobs and women. i just want the american dream of a 14 an hour job that doesnt drive me totally crazy, and also a 7/10  approx 25 year old tradwife that’s been with no more than 3 guys, whites only, hahahahahahaha.

and i will feel a sense of despair until I achieve those Major Life Goals.

i mean OTHER PEOPLE have acheived these things before age 25. why shouldnt I hahaha.

they say dont compare yourself to other people. i see their point, BUTTTTTTT…….

ITS ABSOLUTELY IMPOSSIBLE NOT TO.

Because you see average normies, not super geniuses, but just average normal normies achieving the fairly modest things that you want to achieve. i’m not asking for the best. I’m just asking for 14 an hour job, not to go crazy, a 7/10 wife, 25 years old, less than 4 guys, whites only.

MAYBE THAT IS TOO MUCH TO ASK!!!!!!!!!!!