BABOON BRAINFRAME

dec 18

finished chapin book. if i weren’t already a LIFELONG FAN, it probably wouldnt convince me of anything, i wouldnt like the book, i mean it was a pretty flawed book with its kinda rough writing style, missing important points, or maybe that was just him leaving the reader wanting more. i mean if he wants to self publish short books every year, ill damn buy them! MGHOW was worth it for telling personal stories which he never used to tell in his videos (when i used to watch ALL his videos at least.) dirty degen details of his secs life, the women he dated.

now, i want to know more about his ex WIFE. in this book he also talked for about 1 page about going to grad skool and becoming a Skool Psychologist. I would like a whole chapter or book on that.

he mentions his mother was a clinical psych for 30 years and had a practice where she largely had Neurotic Career Women as clients. His Mother Knows Women.

This is HUGELY interesting and Uncle Bern should write a book on women with his MOTHER. He needs to talk about his Based Mother a lot more and how she helped him understand women.

maybe involve his mother or sister in his videos or books. especially the mother. i know she is still alive and he talks to her regularly. She sounds like a Red Pilled Woman who Bern actually respects and with good reason.

i am considering writing a review on the amazon page. i know Bern really appreciates that. i might identify the review with muh alt right username. which I am NOT using on this page because even though this page talks about alt right a lot……..i still dont want to come out to the alt right as saying i am the alt right NEET OMEGA LOSER who writes the alt right neet omega loser blog whining about women and being a neet loser.

i mean haters could probably put two and two together, but i dont want to give it to them on a silver platter! i mean they could definitely do it.no doubt. im talking about my alt right nonneet username being connected with my alt right neet username here. never does muh real life identity being doxxed enter in. of COURSHE i have opsec of the utmost priority on that.

going to go for powerwalk at 1pm today. sunday. sunny but cold. need to use boots hehehe.

made 5 ovenburgers on today sunday. put them into little baggies with cheese and buns and put them in freezer. good 2 go.

did 1 load of laundry. medium sized. shirts and pants for job. done.

yesterday did 1 load of laundry too. drawz and socks and hats and gloves and dark stuff.

previous day did 1 medium load of laundry, all white t shirts only.

yesterday made 20 cigarets. trying to do that every saturday night. make 20 cigarets even if i only smoke 10 during the week. then put the 10 into a separate bag. i like having a big bag o cigarets in case i run out of pre rolleds.

also smokin 10 cigarets a week is not bad.

Bone Zone SHUT DOWN from youtube! i knew it would happen but that was less than 1 month. wow just wow.

I mean i always kinda liked ghoul, thought he was a little hard to listen to, but once he showed his handsome face i liked him 148800000000 times more. spent 25 bucks to buy his tshirt. he is a good goi, dindu nuffin.

1.4 mile powerwalk in snow. 20 degrees. not bad. i will go outside when its 20. not so much when it is 10. and it has been closer to 10 for a while.

took a benedryl at about 1:30pm to force myself to go to bed early tonight, get up.

emily youcis was a real degenerate, smokin MJ on camera, wearing incredibly skanky clothes on camera with her tits and ass hanging out, being a singer in a punk band. you KNOW she has done some degen shit during that time. drinkin, smokin, fookin the dirtiest randoms raw dog, taking it up the ass by guys she just met.

but i still accept her because when you come out as pro-white, using your real name, you are pretty much recanting your degen past, because everyone will turn against you. you will lose friends and fans. you will find out who your real friends and fans are.

i guess a similar thing could be said for evalion….but she didnt use her real name. well, her real FIRST name she did use. and then within 6 months her real last name was out there. but not sure what she is doing.

i would give evalion 1 dollar a month if she wasnt buddy buddy with sinead and they didnt call mill woes a degen phaggot. god damn. MILO is a degen phaggot. or prob jack donovan. but mill woes has repented for his gay past! and I’ll give him the benefit of the doubt and assume this gay past is very very minimal. like evalion or sinead never did degenerate shit. they did more degen shit than MW. pot and the fookin kettle here. i am willing to forgive both women, but they make that hard to do when they attack one of my favorite guys. these people usu are the same who hate andrew anglin and TRS and spencer too. its so stupid. they were the ones who started this stupid infighting. and they are usually k1ke on a stick christian haters too. hmmmmm. also are purity spiral as fook. i dont like that varg seems to be closer to these guys. but we are a bunch of degen, k1ke enablers, phag enablers, degen, milo luvers.

heh. i wonder which side emily will gravitate towards. the dramatic women side, or the less dramatic phag joo shill side hahaha.

i dunno. i just think that a guy who had one gay experience, says ok, got it out of my system, i dont like that, is less degen than a woman who has 6 gorillion casual straight experiences!

like casual degen gay sex just seems more honest and transparent about its degeneracy, ie, there’s absolutely no other reason to have this except for degen gay hedonistic pleasure. there is no way this could ever create new life. it was never even on the table. you don’t have to take steps to prevent it. it just cant happen.

so yeah its inherently perverted….but i think equally perverted is using Birth Control so much and having So Much Recreational Sex, that you FORGET that this is the process that creates life!

dec 19

heh. spent hours at home doing a job related project because i was slightly ashamed about not finishing it by the time i left. dont want to disappoint the team. so i finished it at home. i dont want to do this every single day but i did really want to finish this before tomorrow morning. and i did. i mean i had to Streamline My Process because I had never done any of this before so it was slow going. at least now i could do it faster if needed. and i made some super in depth documentation. they might not appreciate all the details. too much they’ll say! well ok i’ll scale it back in the future. had a very relaxed stress free day today, including a 2 hour meeting that was more like a training class. didnt need to impress anyone or explain shit or sell shit. but i got more actual work done at home than i did while i was there.

office holiday lunch tomorrow, i was going to use today to prepare my witty banter, and failed to do that!

was so cold today could not do more than a 15 minute powerwalk.

still kind of sound like an autistic, spaghetti pockets moron when i talk to people, even just small talk! so frustrating.

I mean I try to be nice, I think they can see that i am trying to be nice and friendly and open and polite, but i am just a little socially awkward hehehe. i mean come on there are a few slightly awkward introverts in the office in addition to me!

dec 20

holiday lunch today. spent all yesterday finishing this “project” draft rather than preparing witty, charismatic banter to impress all 15 people in the department. ran a little late from office to restaurant. apologized profusely. only spot was sitting right next to My Direct Manager. he is a really good guy and I am grateful I can say that and it’s the truth. the majority of people don’t have a manager like that. I could TOTALLY get a Good Recommendation from this guy IF I do a good job AND I Just Darn Talk To Him!!!!! He is always in a good mood and laughing at his own jokes. I kind of like this. not in an arrogant way but more like he is genuinely a Jolly Man. He has more than a Semi Charmed Life and he KNOWS it and he is thankful for it. he has a great Career, he’s highly educated and working in a field he enjoys, working on a PhD in his field, from a good school, has a not-ugly wife and more than 2 young children. and good people skills, gets along with everybody, makes everybody feel comfortable. also he is tall and fairly handsome. but pretty down to earth and not arrogant. but not underconfident either.

yes i stalked his wife on linkedin and google. yes uncle bernard, i have NO BOUNDARIES hahahaha. (uncle bern is appalled that All Women have No Boundaries and are always GOOGLING people, he finds that crazy and rude. I see where he’s coming from….but dont you want to know about the people you work with? of course bern, or any normie would say……….JUST TALK TO THEM ABOUT IT.

I mean yeah I DO, I just use the online stuff to supplement and jog memory. To add to my notes. I can’t remember were so and so went to college, did they go to x y or z, i forgot what he said his wife does, how old his kids are, etc.

i felt a little bad because i was nervous and not contributing to the conversation like a normie. not very charismatic, not very witty. this is the downside from having a Rough Three Years. you don’t have anything interesting or positive to say.

or, in general, stories about yourself and your life. you dont have anything you can talk about but all your years of failure and rejection and giving up hahahaha. and you know you shouldnt talk about that! so what DO you talk about? your interests in Huhwhyte Nationalism, Alt Right, black metal? these are professionals with masters degrees making over 50k a year who go to ANTI-TRUMP protests and pro-hillary protests! and they’re gonna listen to the new, underachieving new guy on how their whole Weltanschauung is wrong? sheeeit. im the one making 13k a year, with no wife or kids, they’re making 50k a year and have a house, wife/husbando, and kids who are going to college and will prob be successful too, unless they fook up in college like I did!

so thoughts like this make it difficult to make small talk in big groups at lunch hahahaha.

i mean no ones asked me why i didnt get a masters degree, and if they do, i’ll once bitten twice shy, i wanted to get more working experience first, so i could determine what is the best masters degree to get. i just want to become competitive and work really any of a range of possible jobs. i like counseling but i honestly dont think it would be useful for me to get a masters degree in counseling. because i want to help white neet men and white marriages. not be a social worker to black thugs. i can’t TELL people that though!

i mean its similar to how people who want to become teachers have to start out their first few years in shitty black schools. people who want to become cops have to start out first few years in shitty black cities. its called PAYING YOUR DUES, its NORMAL.

so why aren’t more normies red-pilled on race then?

because they’re DOUBLING DOWN.

the teachers much moreso than the cops, hahahahaha.

every day children are taught to hate? klan families with kids wearing trump shirts. come on. there are about ten people tops in the klan in the US, and they don’t really HATE negros. They just want an end to forced diversity and forced anti-whitism. they want to be around other whites and have their children mate with other whites and not to live in dangerous nonwhite shitholes. they want a strong, safe community. they dont HATE anybody. they just dont want their white daughters having brown babies. stupid a&e commerican for “generation kkk.” really trying to hit people in the feels.

there’s like 5 people in the KKK in 2017 hahahahaha. COME ON.

do a show about the alt right. well, then they would spin it the same way their spinning spencer. a big part of the alt right hehehehe. but like in the atlantic piece, spencer looked pretty GOOD. I could see that actually REACHING one undecided person.

tok benedryl today at around 2:30 pm. got a sleeping mask as well. try that out. also got a tape measure for body to get exact measurements. waist: about 34 inches. chest: about 39. leg: ideally, 27 or 28. total manlet hahaha.

got any 33 27 pants hahahaha

but yeah i like having this. just so i know what muh actual body actually IS. of COURSE clothes makers are WILDLY inconsistent with their measurements. i need to know where to START though. 32? 33? 34?

dec 21

http://www.theblaze.com/news/2016/12/20/white-guys-offered-new-years-resolutions-from-ultra-liberal-mtv-news/

mtv new years resolutions for white guys, getting some coverage right nao

http://dailycaller.com/2016/12/19/mtv-offers-up-new-years-resolutions-for-white-guys-video/

http://www.vdare.com/posts/mtvs-new-years-resolutions-for-white-guys-a-response

white racist site vdare actually high in the news results hahahaha

http://www.breitbart.com/big-hollywood/2016/12/19/mtvs-new-years-resolutions-for-white-guys-stop-mansplaining-stop-saying-woke-blue-lives-matter-isnt-a-thing/

wow, would ya get a load of the khazar milkers on that

dec 21

went to lunch with old colleague i had not seen in a long time. the person who is very nice and kind to me. acts as a reference for me. mutually knows both me and…….That Woman. we actually had a very good and animated talk, no autistic silent moments, like no time had passed, and, i was kinda pleasantly surprised, we did not talk about That Woman at all. our colleague somewhat likes the gossip. i kinda expected them to say SO……whatever happened between you and that woman? and i was fully prepared to take the high road, but still be honest, and say yeah that really really sucked for me, i was really upset for a long time, it’s still sad, it’s just SAD, i was stupid but she was stupid too, i was so disappointed, i wish she tried a little harder to Euthanize Our Rel With Dignity, but oh well, life goes on, i understand why she did what she did, she’s still a good person, I wish her well, I forgive her, I’m not mad at her, I’m getting over it.

but didnt even have to say any of that.

of course at the same time i secretly hope the mutual friend will contact That Woman and say guess who I saw, he’s doing well, he got a new job, come on you should have been a little nicer to him. heh. and then i would totally Accept her. even though she’s older, probably fooked 20 badbois in the past 1.5 years, maybe had a baby, maybe had some abortions, maybe got more experience in being a horrible person and casual secs and throwing people away and acting like a baby. AND being more successful at me in job. being TOUGH. saying fook you we cant help you, i am the manager and i’m saying GOODBYE, we dont have the TIME to fix your unreasonable demands, it’s not WORTH IT to us.

that she was able to TOUGH IT OUT through tough personal times, and tough job times, and just ignore me like I was nothing, and tough it out on a job I was struggling so much with, and tough it out for SO much longer, AND bounce back from a layoff super quickly, into another high stress job where you have to be tough, but you probably get paid a slightly above average (avg being 27k a year) wage as compensation. and i cant tough it out well enough as an average normie, to make an average wage.

totally SMITING me AND then going on to do WAY better at life. insult to injury hehehehe. and its not intentional. and intent does absolutely matter. it was just extremely painful………………………..for me. hehehehehe.

i just hate doing the wrong thing. i hate thinking i might do the same wrong thing in the future. make the same mistake again because i will be a COWARD again. its not that i didnt know what I should do, what I should have done was obvious even at that time! I just didnt have the courage to say it. so my mistake was not having enough courage. not acting with courage in a timely manner.

is that really such a god damn CRIME? i think other people would have been more forgiving of that. it was just a fookin PERFECT STORM, a perfect shitstorm. worst possible thing at the worst possible time.

fooking peloton commerical. i want to bang the rich skinny mom. i want to bang the tuff gurl robin the peloton instructor. i am not going to go easy on HER hahahahahahahahahahahahahaha.  but my main concern is, what is this womans CAREER to be living in that HOUSE??????? clearly ivy league graduate degree, near-c-level management in a fortune 10 company hehehehe. all those women like to work 100 hours a week then exercise 50 hours a week because they know they still need to have a perfect body hahahaha. then they neglect their family and their kids grow up to be school shooter neet virgin druggie burnouts hahahahahahaha. at least they can afford their drugs with their mommys money. careerbux hahahaha. fooking peloton. fook peloton. stupid word. stupid shitbike. fook it.

hehehe the colleague gave me a nice pastry/cake/sweets and i ate a chunk of it and it turned out to have like 450 calories in it hehehehehe. oyyyyyy veyyyyyyyy. they are the kind of nice person who always brings in treats and snacks and donuts and sweets and buys people lunch. my god. that is how i became acquainted with her, because she was always NICE to me, and I really do appreciate that kind of stuff.

heh. that was how i became friends with That Woman too, who was nice in a similar way. damn i miss that. yeah its NO SURPRISE at all that i got feelings for her. a pretty young gurl being VERY NICE TO YOU. the only thing that’s SURPRISING was that I didnt fall in luv with her SOONER! but that was HOW MUCH I respected peoples relationships, that i had NO desire to interfere or fook up her relship, that I didn’t let myself get feelings for a Taken Woman. but once she was not taken, and i let myself get the feels, the HORSE WAS OUT OF THE BARN and it wasnt ever gonna go back in. HOW IS THAT SO HARD TO UNDERSTAND? it isn’t. i dont think any reasonable adult would find that hard to understand. sheeeeit, even SHE probably UNDERSTOOD it. she just didnt want to face a tuff situation in order to do me one last favor. just back out and do the irish goodbye hahahahaha.

whats funny is that i have done the irish goodbye many a time when I was a drinker. but that was different. I was just leaving social events quietly, not Terminating entire relationships!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!11

i just like the term irish goodbye hahahaha.

also you just CANT pull an irish goodbye on a real relship of 2.7 years. thats not what it is, thats not how it works. it’s just sneaking out of a large-ish PARTY when you are too drunk, tired, or awkward to say goodbye in a POLITE manner like a NORMIE. its super MINOR. Abandoning a relship needs a different term altogether. How about “abandonment” or “abandoning a relship.”

which is what i thought “ghosting” was. but thats a stupid word too and i think it works better with the minor semi faux pas of an irish goodbye!

so yeah. 90% of the time i did it, i was falling down drunk, shouldnt have been even LOOKING at a car, and probably didnt want anyone to try to stop me from driving. YIKES. glad those days are GONE. at least i became a better person than THAT.

maybe i was blazed af on MJ? thats a little better.

was listening to this middle class man tell his story, i guess he would be one of our “customers” or “clients” so I tried to help him for 2 minutes and practice my bullshitting on a system i knew even less than he did, and he was so gracious and nice, and was like you guys have such patience to work with people like me, and i was like hey just doin our job, thats what were here for, glad to do it, i’m just glad you dont have an emergency right now and youre screaming at me to fix it, and I don’t have a goddamn EXPERT in the next room who is basically twiddling his thumbs waiting for something to do! and then I grab him he helps you and I watch and learn along with you.

the “client”/internal customer might be one of the 15% who dont have a masters degree, but he has plenty of Industry Experience in a Bigass Fortune 10 company. kinda autistic but just really really nice. I appreciate that.

he talked about his son and daughter. he convinced his son not to go away to college. he sat him down and showed him spreadsheets and convincing calculations that the son could save at LEAST 50 grand by living at home and going to the cheapo college. that the College Experience wasnt WORTH 50 grand that you would struggle to pay back.

the kid listened. he lived at home, worked 60 hours a week in a Machine Shop, did associates at cheap college, then finished Engin Degree at local univ, all while living at home, working full time, doing many many classes online. now he is an engineer making damn good money with a wife and kid and dogs. about 148800000000000 times better than me.

like i bet he made more money at the machine shop than i am right now. and 60 hours a week. AND doing engin classes. the father said i would go by his room at 4 in the morning and be like WHACHA DOIN SON and the son was like i got an assignment due at 6 AM!

point is, kid had a great work ethic!

another guy tried to convince HIS son of the same thing, showed him the numbers, said here’s what you’ll have to pay back, taking a real unflinching longterm look at finances in other words, you can save a LOTTTTTT of money by going to cheap local college for 2 years, THEN you can transfer to finish your degree at State Univ. it doesnt say podunk redneck college on your diploma! and the kid fought him and say no i want to go to state univ right out of high school. well, at least this kid is going an engin major!

well at least he is probably getting some prime college poosay!!!!! 18 year old QTs! this is a party skool after all. All my life i will regret not being able to bang 18 year old 9/10’s like he is doing no. sheeeeeeeeeeeit thats WORTH 100 grand, isn’t it?

probably, because that instills you with confidence that will last you a LIFETIME, and then you will prob be successful in life, and MAKE 100 grand to pay those loans back, be a winner chad normie, have GFs and a wife and eventually children. because you banged some 18 yo QT’s while in college which gave you MASSIVE CONFIDENCE. BABOON BRAINFRAME.

OR, you could just get rejected, or just not even really try, and get super frustrated because you see 14880000000000000000000 perfect qt’s a day and you have never been with one. or if you have it was just for 2 days then the door was shut hehehehehe. and still pay the 100 grand and come out with no confidence, no skills, no charisma, no value add, no women, no charm, no grace, no game.

im glad im not in a univ town where i would see 60000000000000000000 18-25 yo qt’s all day erry day. i used to be. it was RIDICULOUS. it’s bad enough if i see a handful of Young Sluts when I go to the MALL twice a year. no thank you. TRIGGERED.

i know of a local skool where there are a good number of young qt’s. right out of high school. 18-20 years old. but half of em arent huhwhyte. this is triggering in a different way. but actually less painful I think! than seeing tons of young white women. that hits even harder on the lizard brain. but yeah race matters too. but i have some power in that. i feel empowered by contributing 10 dollars a month to pro-white people hehehehehe, empowered in a way i dont feel when dealing with young qt white wimmin. maybe if i gave THEM 10 dollars a month they would stroke muh ego. hang out with me and be nice to me and interested in me hahahahaha.

i might not be able to have white children of my own, and i see me donating money to Alt Right and Pro White as doing whatever I CAN do to help The Cause, The Movement, My People, My Race, the future of my people and our children, even if they are not MY children directly.

to be fair i am dnating 2 dollars to people that are NOT explicitly pro-white. they haven’t crossed the rubicon yet. but they are white conservatives hehehehehe. who are not anti white even implicitly. i would prefer that they be explicitly pro white. would get me to up muh donation hehehehe.

white conservatives get 12 dollars a year, pro white white conservatives get 20 dollars a year hehehehehe. upmost tier gets 25 a year. weev, andrew anglin, TRS, mill woes, fatherland.

well COULDNT i do MORE good by just donating MORE money to ONE source? save all muh donations for TRS? maybe that will push them over the edge into……what exactly. they are already on a good path.

i am even gonna give 5 dollars to foreveralone george feels.

lena dunham goes into the oven hahahahaha. you wish you had abortion. you WOULD. i’m more surprised by the fact that shes never HAD an abortion. i bet the lying jooish bitch is LYING. i bet she DID have abortions and is trying to portray herself as some innocent “normal” woman. close your legs you damn evil satanic wh0re. we dont need any more of your kind in this world. actually she prob SHOULD abort her evil SATAN SPAWN. but not even fox joos will tell you that shes jooish. NORMIES think shes WHITE. they think that fat pig amy schumer is white. this is how blue pilled normies are on the JQ. and why the JQ is such a bigass mindblowing game changing thing. it changes you hahahahaha.

and i am HAPPY that so many YOUNG people are hip to the JQ, even if semi-jokingly. hell yes you can have fun and make jokes with it. but i think they honestly GET IT too. its IMMENSELY powerful to have YOUNG people understand the JQ. I didnt get it until I was……i dunno at least 28 years old. I mean I was aware of joos and calling people k1k3s when i was 22, and knew j00s were scheming and greedy and evil back then……..but I didnt REALLY understand it. i wasnt even reading stormfront or vnn, and there wasnt any alt right or /pol for me to read. no pepes, no memes. no trs, no weev, no daily stormer, no /pol, no greg johnson, no richard spencer. what a sad world hahahaha.  im not even sure if there was reddit. the best thing we had was heartiste. who is honestly pretty GOOD. he is pretty good on the JQ. but was he back THEN? prob not as much.

i did get into greg johnson around 2012 though hahahaha. didnt i do my amazon timeline recently???!??!?!?? well i was reading and listening to greg and counter currents WELL before I bought his book.

2012: mindweapons, counter currents, and eradica did it for me. they converted me hahahaha. and david duke. THANK YOU hahaha. oh yeah i should donate to counter currents prob eh.

i dont expect ANY woman to understand this. I just want a woman who is instinctively REPULSED by being with any race other than a white man. I want a woman who has never BEEN with a nonwhite man, WOULD NEVER EVEN THINK OF IT without disgust. And I honestly think there are a goodly number of these women out there, they just wont tell it on the mountain in front of their friends for fear of being called you-know-what.

 

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WHY IS POPULISM BAD

nov 19

ok this post should be shorter, hahaha. 4000 words max

i always liked jack lemmons uptight, nerdy, supplicating, neurotic style. it seems pretty jooish but i dont know if he was a joo. varg LETS FIND OUT.wav

” He was the only child of Mildred Burgess LaRue (née Noel) and John Uhler Lemmon, Jr., the president of a doughnut company.[2][3] His paternal grandmother was from an Irish immigrant family.[4]    ”

looks like not a joo. thank god hahaha.

yeah i mean i wish a bigboy FT job had picked me rather than this littlegurl PT job, it puts me back into the same conundrum i had when i was 26 except im not a young man of 26 anymore! but the good news is it lets me fix the GAP, and its also guaranteed not to give me a nervous breakdown hahaha. i just cant start any drama with WOMEN, and also i cant lose sight of the fact that i have to move on from there fairly quickly. ideally i would get a ft job with the same company.

i was very often trying to work for and win womens approval. with That Woman, at the beginning, i wasnt working at all. i mean i was doing shit, but i wasnt struggling and scheming and planning and strategizing and calculating and overthinking. we just got along veyr well and beause of that she liked me and i liked her. but not in that way. yet.

and then when i DID start liking her in that way, it all became that damn chess game where i had to figure out How To Make Her like me back.  it is an exhausting struggle that i have NEVER won.

but yeah either the woman likes you or she doesnt. either she s going to going to give you a chance or not.

and even when i have gotten as far as making out or Casual Dating with a woman…….it wasnt really HARD. there was enough Natural “Chemistry” or attraction to get me THAT far……but no further.

new crowbar album november 2016 “the serpent only lies”. i always liked crowbar but my peak with them was “oddfellows rest” in 2000! great album, possib muh fav of theirs. since then i havent been following them too much just because they are always releasing albums.

yeah EXCEPT they went on a solid hiatus for like 6 years while kirk focused on down. and since down is not looking super hopeful, i am glad he is doing stuff with crowbar.

i mean crowbar is very HONEST and SINCERE and REAL and keeps it REALLY REAL and there is absolutely nothing PHONY about them.

also i really dont think kirk is a joo. some white power guy on the internet has him on a list of joos but i doubt this.  mean his lifestyle is total working class white guy whitelash.

i know he had some struggles with drinking but not super hard drugs or anything. i wonder if he smokes MJ every day like a degenegro. PROBABLY hahahaha. now he just gets raging drunk less. i dont think he quit drinking altogether.

so yeah he’s not a model aryan ubermensch, just a flawed normie, and i believe his heart is in the right place, and i can respect someone who has an Instantly REcognizable Musical Style, which he does. no one else in the world sounds like this. he is Not Derivative at all. he’s been doing that for 30 years. he is all about good riffs and good songs and very honest unpretentious lyrics about being Tuff and Overcoming Adversity. how can you dislike that?

his main flaw is basically just getting sloppy drunk, or at least he used to, and i hope he doesnt anymore.

i dunno i did see down like 3 times with him and….he was one of those guys that probably could get totally fooked up and still play very well.

technically once i was face to face with him and said hello and shook his hand hahahahaha.

i was in this same situation 2 years ago with their previous album: oh i like and respect crowbar, i will always give crowbar a chance, i wish i was more familiar with their later stuff.

maybe their later stuff just isnt as GOOD hahahaha.

i dunno, on the surface it certainly doesnt seem BAD!!!!! i mean its textbook crowbar!

but yeah albums like “broken glass” and “oddfellows rest” had a MAGIC for me, and i am wondering if thats because crowbar had more MAGIC back then, or I had more magic back then when i was young and innocent.

but yeah even if i cant REMEMBER any of the last 5 crowbar albums, i will always respect what they do.

also i think kirk became RELIGIOUS with their 3rd most recent album hahahaha. like CATHOLIC i think. which is bretty kewl imho. wish he talked more about that. figured it would be more of a controversy.

anyway i just hope he is a good father to his child/ren. i know he has at least one.

i know that he was married and was divorced. was she a piece of trash? was it because he was drinking too much?  what about the children?

anyway, as with all white men, i hope he is trying not to be a drunk degenerate, and is being a good father. the fact that he can write such honest music is a signal that he has good intentions.

yeah the road to hell is paved with good intentions, but they mean something to ME at least hahahaha. better to have good intentions than not, i say. its worth SOMETHING.

had dream last night that i was in AUSTRALIA with a group of people including TWO of the young qt women i used to work with when i was 26 to 30 hahaha. yeah and That Woman was a third woman of those. i only meet qt women at muh job hahahaha. thankfully That Woman was not in the dream. but woman2012 was! and also this other qt dark haired gurl that got married kinda young.

dont remember much about the dream other than near the end, i was kinda getting ostracized from the group. or i was being a dick and i ostracized myself. either way, i no longer had a chance with either of those two women. that sucked hahahaha. just wanted some cuddle and make out and hang out and romance action. i only had good intentions. i didnt want to use anybody for casual bullshit.

so i would have dated 2 girls at once? yeah but i would have been honest about it hahahaha. and if foreced to choose i would prob choose woman2012 because she had longer legs and a bigger ass hahahahahahahahahahahaha

and then tell the other gurl, SORRY for hurting your feelings, youre a good person, you wont have ANY PROBLEM finding a decent man.

they are finally coming out with the black metal lords of chaos and they are having a guy named COHEN play varg vikernes hahahahahaha. WOW. i wonder what he will say about that.

yeah i mean i will probably watch it just for fun, im sure it will be horrible. but hopefully FUN at least.

darkthrone told them NO you cant use our logo or our music. i respect anyone who can turn down free shekels like that.

but i also think, well, they have lives and families, and the shekels could HELP them!

but the movie does sound really really really jooish hehehe.

i would totally let darkthrone play a show for 100 grand tho. that is MUCH less jooish.

play the show, give the money to your kids, build a home in the country far away from the urbanite, raise 5 kids like varg in the country. be like varg. varg should play a show for 100 grand hahahaha. he could say whatever he wanted and then never get invited back because he would hopefully say a ton of antis3m1t1c and pro-white stuff!!! hahaha.

or not play ANY songs, and just give a pro-white speech for hours hahahaha. well i would want him to play songs though haha.

and all the drunk degenerates would be like boooo racism. i mean really. its pearls before swine.

so have the show be a very exclusive alt right invite only thing, where you can onyl get invited if you pass an interview process proving your pro white bona fides. then they could raise money from rich successful white pro-whites to give to varg. might not be as much as some jooish festival promoter tho hahahaha.

unrelated but this album could also be good. epic atmospheric pagan black metal with some celtic angle and great cover art hahaha. also brand new. i guess i am into super newly released music again. thanks deathspell omega hahaha.

yeah this sounds very promising, little long tho

plus i like the scots hahahaha

got those whistles and flutes and bagpipes, very nice, i will accept this in muh atmoblack hahahaha he is a nationalist but doesnt quite realize it yet hahaha.

i think me MIGHT be an american but he moved to scotland. glasgow. not sure if the guy from panopticon (austin lunn) plays drums on this like he did for saor’s last album “aura.”

no its a guy from this other scottish black metal band hehehehe.

ok andy marshall of saor does anoter scottish atmo black band called fuath, good job buddy, writing 2 albums of epid 16 minute songs, in 1 year hahaha. he also had bands before saor called askival and in vino veritas. dunno guess i just like the idea of SCOTTISH BLACK METAL hahahaha and this guy is pretty much the biggest name in it.

(shit i saw a picture of him where he had big faggy ear gauges. seriously. kids in 2016 still do this. never understand that shit. DEGENERATE. )

well with me and music, i kinda have to go where the spirit takes me. its not supposed to make sense or be logical or even necessarily good music hahahaha.

welp listened to that crowbar album, it sounded exactly like crowbar. their sense of consistency is something you make a good natured joke about at this point. hey i dont really want them to do anything different, just make good songs. well i mean for example i know kirk is a big led zeppelin fan, so why dont they write a song with some LZ influences? also i would like to see more Mellow and Clean Singing songs, because he has a GREAT clean voice, spine chilling. they started doing occasional Clean songs in 1999 hahahah so its nothing really NEW.

heh. you know whos NOT degenerate? GARTH BROOKS. thats right. i decided i should really start listening to garth brooks. hes not part of this super faggy new school of jooified “country” and he is a nice family man who retired from a super popular career to spend more time with his kids. and now that his kids are grown, he’s coming back a little bit, playing more shows.

hes a little bit SILLY of a guy but i think thats because he genuinely enjoys life in a non degen way hahaha.

and he is a very good performer.

george strait would also be acceptable to listen to hahahaha.

i thought this shit was corny and lame during the 90s, but it was probably the least degen popular music available in the nihilistic 90s, and also country music got much much much much much much much worse over the next 20 years!

ok so my new  job goal is to write as many super duper detailed, epic, heroic, miraculous WORK STORIES as possible. get at LEAST 10. so i can have a RAFT of SUPER DETAILED, SUPER AWESOME STORIES chock full of specific detail in future interviews.

i had some work stories now, but the key thing that i forgot to do back then, was WRITE THEM DOWN AS SOON AS THEY HAPPEN, DAY OF, AS MANY DETAILS AS POSSIBLE, and then you can always edit it later.

and you SHOULD edit it later, to make yourself look smarter and better. the important thing is that there are a TON of details.

get at least ten of these stories and you should then be able to interview your way into a better job. maybe be worthy dating women that almost look as good as transsexual men hahahahahahahahahahaha

hey they are plenty of terrible looking transsexual men, they arent all think young feminine looking qts hahahaha, some of them actually look like big burly crowbar esque men ahhahahahaha.

i cant believe i didnt write down work stories before. i had so many of them! i know i TALKED about them into my recorder. i could do back and listen to those tapes and then write the stories out. but apparently i didnt want to do that!

it would have been better to smuggle out the case notes….but i stopped doing that a few months in.

so i could have done THAT from home, i had access to case notes from home, i could have just copied and pasted.

but i was so fried and burnt out and broken down, i couldnt even think of obvious, easy solutions like that.

shit just copy down the top 20% of interesting, weird, or detailed cases! just copy the weirdest ones!

wewlad just got down to lowest weight evar, 132 lbs. i mean its POSSIBLE i weighed less than this like 12 years ago!!!!! but not recently! and i am old as shit and at basically the lowest weight i have ever been! so thats good! i mean i could actually get away with GAINING weight at this point…..but i dont really want to do that.

USE YOUR WORDS TO COMMUNICATE. AND USE UNAMBIGUOUS WORDS, not words like “like” or “hang out.”

well at least she feels bad about breaking her bfs heart hahahaha. sounds like she feels REALLY bad about it hahaha. GOOD. YOU SHOULD hahahaha.

no sorta kidding, she shouldnt feel THIS bad if she made a good faith attempt to dump him in a sensitive way, without trying to add insult to injury.

“sounds like she didnt have much respect for your relship if she dumped you with a TEXT” hahahahahaha

yeah i THOUGHT she had MORE RESPECT for me than that

and i thought i knew her better than that.

sheeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeit.

still wanna sm0ke mad w33d.

still thinking about going to a SHADY ASS “doctor” in a dispensary on “doctor day”, saying i dont have any medical records, and that ive been getting persistent chronic pain in muh….back. carpal tunnel. then getting the card sent to a po box. then just let the po box expire once i have the card and i am buying tonnes of MJ hahahaha.

its like a prescription that NEVER RUNS OUT. that alone is rather unbelievable.

go to a doctor ONCE, have a card to buy drugs FOREVER. well, for 2 years. even still, could you imagine getting a 2 year prescription to buy as much Painkillers as you wanted? as much benzos as you wanted? for 2 full years! INCONCEIVABLE!!!!!

nov 20

sheeeeeeeeeeeit.

ok on my first day i gotta bring in donuts or bagels.

also gotta be dressed like a damn boss.

i dont think they wear suits every day there hahaha.

ok there is a 24 hour tim hortons nearby, so i can get some donuts and bring them in at 8 am hahaha

then they will judge and bullycide and abuse me for being uneducated, trump supporting and racist enough to buy such racist, hateful, bigoted donuts. donuts are what FAT BIGOTS like COPS eat.

i am being Silly but thats not far off from my usual line of Distorted Thinking, which has wrought massive anxiety and despair in muh life hahahaha

EVERYBODY HATES THE DESPERATE. nobody likes desperate people. employers, women, kool kids, winners. all shun and shame the desperate.

you know who LUVS the desperate?

JESUS! GAWWWDDDDD!!!!!!

so never forget that. when its lonely desperate you and the world is against you, JESUS is on your side. and LUVS you just as much as he luvs TRVMP.

hell yes i support jeff sessions for atty general. but the question is, how does he feel about joos. it could go both ways. some of these southern bigots luv joos and israhell and are not j wise at ALL.

SEE? ALL THOSE TRUMP SUPPORTERS ARE HUGE WHITELASH RACISTS!!!!!

no they arent, just the alt right subset hahahaha.

and at least half of them are polite and nice like neoreactionaries. and dont use hate speech like I do hahahaha.

so yeah i do not represent trvmp, nor do i represent the average trvmp supporter, who is probably WAY less racist than me hahahahahaha.

so whats the deal with jobs where they dont even tell you the salary range during the interview, you have to get to the second interview just to get a god damn IDEA, when its not a 60k a year job were talking about, its more like 30k job. you dont GET to be so circumspect about salary for a 30k job…….well yes of course you do!

but yeah being TOUGH, thats always been a problem for me. tough situations in life that SHOULD act as a crucible to toughen me up and make me into a better, stronger man…..i always break down and become a weaker, bigger loser.

anyway WOMEN. dont have such SHALLOW relationships. take PEOPLE more seriously. PEOPLE are important, relationships are important, intimacy is important. cuddling is SUPPOSED to build intimacy, sex is REALLY supposed to build intimacy, and women have this damn carousel of men, relships, sex, cuddling, motions of intimacy, and its all a lot of things that are SUPPOSED to be important or intimate, but they treat them like NOTHING.  its DISTURBING and SOCIOPATHIC hahahaha.

thats why they call it a RELATIONSHIP, because its all about RELATING to/with another person!

hmmm npi conference was yesterday. millennial woes looked like a slob in a purple t shirt and gray hoodie. looked like a real unemployable neet, looked like me lounging around the house hahahaha.

redice did a very nice stream of basically the whole event. THANK YOU redice.

i guess emily youcis got harrassed by antifa outside and sprayed with something.

i mean i dont like women in the alt right, but she has earned some cred for that i suppose.

ill still white knight more for alt right trannies than alt right women because the trannies are less of degenerate sluts than the women hahahahahah.

that proves it! Im a woman hater pure and simple and woman hating has no place in the alt right, in pro white, in a healthy society! this is MY PROBLEM that i need to FIX!

things that mean SO much to you, like cuddling, or making out, or fooking, or spending time with somebody, or having a rel with somebody, or being vulnerable and intimate with a person, it all means nothing to women! its all as meaningless as taking a dump!

i dont think they INTEND to be SOCIOPATHS! and isnt INTENT a big deal to me?

well….only to a point. if you cheat on somebody and say well i didnt MEAN to cheat on you, it just HAPPENED, one thing led to another…..yeah ok intent doesnt matter there. you have plenty of time to stop it.

i didnt intend to be a sociopath, i just acted like a sociopath in all muh relships and never tried to stop it.

nope, not all relships, just the ones with me!

i bring out the sociopath in all women hahaha.

no thats WRONG. NOT TRUE. woman2012 didnt treat me like a sociopath. That Woman didnt ALWAYS treat me like a sociopath.

havent you ever just RUN AWAY from something you couldnt handle? i ran away from College when I was 21 because I was like I Just Cant Handle This Any More. I should have done it at age 18 or 19! then immediately gotten Severe Treatment, 100000000000 mg of prozac, maybe some electroshock, then gotten a STEM/math degree at my prestigious univ, or gotten a stem/math degree at local less prestigious univ so i could stay at home and not be tempted by degeneracy, or at worst just gotten a business degree from local univ, or something. maybe being out of that environment would have been good. because i was tempted too much by the degen of MJ.

i still used MJ and alcohol when i was at home though……..

i dunno. i should gone to a shrink along with my 1000000000000 mg of prozac, and they could try to convince me to stop doing mj and alcohol. because i was too young for that shit.

http://www.wikihow.com/Be-Tough

https://www.google.com/#q=how+to+be+tough

ok read and understand. if you have a question, read it again until you understand. dont come looking for me to give you a free ride hahahaha. read and understand. youre an adult nao hahahaha.

If you could federally legalize MJ with a 35% tax on it……..then wouldnt it behoove the feds to legalize it?  theyd make billions of dollars on the taxes, more money than they make nao from…….what? booze being legal? but that money is going to booze barons, not politicians or govt!

also if MJ were legal, MJ barons could make a ton of money, as well as the govt taking 35% taxes on it!

not that I think taxes are good, i am just saying its a way to convince govt to make it legal, because THEY love taxes, and i would be WILLING to pay HEAVY taxes to have MJ legal and easily available.

im just trying to figure out why mj is still illegal. basically, both the govt And the Superrich Elites could make a TON of money off it being legal! so why dont they?

i mean they are probably GOING this way, it will just take 10 more years, cuz govt moves SLOWWWWWLY. except when legalizing phag marriage. that happened pretty damn fast hahahaha.

i mean most people can get MJ because its easy to get for social normies. they always know at least one person. the one person i sorta know is unable to do anything at the moment, so i have to wait hahahahaha.

well dont blame THEM!

im not tho!!!!! really!!!!

heh. that was another thing i lost when i lost That Woman.

maybe she really was just shady sketchy white trash that im better off without her in my life hahahaha. i mean she certainly thought SHE was much better off without ME in her life!!!!! and im not that shitty! seriously!!!!!!!!!

maybe her mind was so clouded and she made such bad decisions because she did MJ every day.

i also made very bad decisions and ran away from responsibilities when i was 21 largely because i did mj every day!

well she was older than 21!

21 its ok to be immature. 25, you should start thinking about adulting and being mature.

of course i am over 30 and still very immature.

but you can be immature in diff WAYS!!!!!

http://www.wikihow.com/Keep-Yourself-Calm-During-Tough-Times

heh. there should be a psych phd who writes a book on what happens to your Brain as you go Incel over 10 years.

i mean i dont really care about the SECS nearly as much as the general cuddling or intimacy or having a real REL with a woman.

the GFE, the EXPERIENCE of being with somebody special who is diff from a regular friend, or acquaintance, or family.

and women take these very special rels for granted, have many of them, treat them as replaceable and disposable. hahahaha.

no not all women. not even 51% of women hehehe.

hmm intradasting. no real point here other than to say he felt good when she broke no contact on his bday to wish him happy bday (she dumped him and it was very hard for him), he struggled in doing NC, and now she was sending this message, and he was like, i felt better know that i and the relship meant something to her.

now he says he doesnt want her back. i dont know about that!

standard stuff

hehehe his 22 yo gf has been with a LOT of guys. at age 22 i had only been with 1 gurl. at age 32 i had only been with 1 gurl.

always gets dumped by girls after a few dates or fooks and they see how INSECURE and NEEDY he is. well he is still young as shit, but this has apparently happened several times. oh well. at least hes not a virgin hahaha. maybe he needs a 10 year period of celibacy until he is 33 hahahaha.

heheh i hate thsi shit. she will dump him because oh im not good enough for such a good guy. but if this were a guy dating a gurl who was too good for him, she would dump him IMMEDIATELY and he would feel REAL bad. how do you think this bipolar OP would feel if her too good for her BF dumped her in a very insulting way, like yeah im way too good for you, you dont deserve me? she would be super devastated!

youre not allowed to be depressed if you got into a decent grad school at age 23. maybe if you got rejected and your only option was work at starbucks or get a devry mba and then become a team lead at starbucks. at best. i mean starbucks might be too good for you, they have health benefits ahhahahahahhahaha.

i also think its stupid that she was over me IMMEDIATELY, while its gonna take TWO YEARS for me to get over HER. go thru a little grief and pain. did i really mean NOTHING to you?

but yeah it doesnt bother me as much as it used to.

it doesnt mean it doesnt still bother me, almost every day!

just relatively less. and i THANK GOD for that.

well at least alt right is sticking as a word that means something to people. they use it on mainstream media to refer to far right white supremists, racists, anti semites hahahahaha. like those evil alt righters. no, not all trvmp supporters are radical racists like those ALT RIGHT people hahahaha.

so now i can be like yep im alt right, and i am looking for other alt right people to hang out with.

and people will say you deplorable racist bigot! or, hell yeah me too 1488! HAIL VICTORY!

and then we will get into a huge argument about phag enabling and religion and mj and me not being hyperborean ubermensch enough hahahahahaha.

yeah well it TOTALLY CAN take two years to get over someone. i dont think thats weird at all.

it just disgusts me that NO WOMAN goes two years without SECS. that even if they are Getting Over some other man, they are having Casual Secs with other men. All Women act like 6 months without secs is such a TRAGEDY.

NO. ITS NORMAL. TWO YEARS without secs while you get over somebody SHOULD be normal.

yeah TEN years is not normal i agree. but were not talking about 10 yers, were talking about 2 years.

anyway this thing is making me think All Women Always Treat All Relationships as Throwaway Meaningless Nothingness, and this is not true. it is CLASSIC COGNITIVE DISTORTIONS.

http://www.dbtselfhelp.com/html/cognitive_distortions.html

https://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/in-practice/201301/50-common-cognitive-distortions

like good lord. just swear off of secs with men for 6 months and use the damn dildos youre always talking about.

whats the deal with trumps dead brother (i heard he was a Drunk) and his 2 sisters? i have never ever seen them.

yeah so freddy trump was a kinda black sheep and died at age 43 of drinking. one sister is a fed judge, cant believe we havent heard from her. other sister was in banking? other brother was in family business and makes an effort to stay out of attention. i guess there is no issues between any of them.

ok good enough for me.

don jr drank a little during college but apparently got his act together and is now super successful winner with beautiful white children hahahaha.

hmmm ivanka trump is actually OLDER than me. but eric trump is not hahahahaha.

don jr got married in 2005 and had FIVE children in NINE years. the bad news is that his wife is HALF J00. DAMN. COME ON DON.

well at least its not as bad as ivanka and KUSHNER. im not even sure if they should have children. just dump kushner, marry a goy, have goy children.

so yeah his wife is half jooish. and supposedly tiffany trump is dating a jooish man. COME ON. COME ON DON.

how have i not looked into this?

oh is this a sick joke, eric trumps wife lara is full joo. SMDH.

ivanka the orthodox joo and kushner have THREE children. oy vey. what a shonde. its like annuda shoah!

so all of TRVMPS grandchildren are damn MISCHLINGS.

maybe this is a kamikaze strategy to End Jooish Lines? I have too many doubts about that to think it could possibly be effective. especially using your own children.  maybe they just arent joo wise. but how can they NOT be?

SON OF A BITCH.

also i wanted to ask, WHY IS POPULISM BAD?

because its racist?

because “POPULISM” is a codework for Working Class White Male Whitelash?

yeah pretty much.

now i dont like the idea of MOB RULE, but i dont think that what the MSM is getting at when they say “populist”, they just mean the scary evil racist bigot WHITELASH.

http://www.dailystormer.com/the-rise-of-the-white-lash/

welp if i dont make something of myself in the next 4 years, thats it. thats my only hope hahahahahaha. this is white males time to shine and if i dont take advantage of it, i am done hahahaha. white male privilege alone wasnt enough to make me a productive member of society. i need EVEN MORE because i am THAT bad. and here it is with trvmp hahaha.

yeah i should order a red trvmp hat already.

and hanging out with more trump supporters and especially alt right people in real life.

wearing a trvmp hat in public hahahaha.

how much and what kinds of tax would have to be placed on MJ to make it more profitable to the Powers That Be for MJ to be legal, rather than it to be illegal? 100% tax to feds AND 100% tax to state and maybe another 100% to city?

pay $400 for a $100 bag of MJ? yeah ok i might not pay that. i wouldnt pay more than 50% tax hahahaha.

but shouldnt that be enough?

i mean how much law enforcement resources are used to arrest and prosecute MJ growers, dealers, etc?

as opposed to more dangerous drugs like meth or opiates?

no one goes to prison for MJ anymore!

so whos making money on illegal MJ? Mexican Cartels? and the US Gov wants mexican cartels to continue making money because…….this i cant figure out. The Secret Truth.

because Cartels give Fedgov billions of dollars a year? how? bribes? who exactly are they bribing? it seems like it would be lower level frontline feds would be more suspectable to bribes than top dea directors, fed judges, fed higher ups.

so YOURE TELLING ME that these feds make more money in HIGHLY illegal BRIBES from MEXICAN CARTELS, than all of the fedgov could legally make by taxing MJ 35%? 40%? 50%???

i just find it very hard to believe.

 

CASUAL SECS, CASUAL RELS, CASUAL SOCIOPATHS

oct 10 2016

sheeeeeeit

the pure raw hatefulness of pre 2005 darkthrone is good for job search type stuff.

of COURSE she found it easy to replace and forget about me: she had a JOB, she had MJ, and she had a Selection of Secs Options.

here is why Women Perpetuate a Culture of DEATH and have No Respect for Human Life:

  1. They dont understand that sex creates human life and they do it QUICKLY, with any strongman negro thug
  2. If they accidentally create a new human life, they just murder it with no remorse
  3. They end (and begin) relships at the drop of a hat and quickly forget about people they have known for years. Strong feelings can disappear in a matter of days or weeks.

they are SOCIOPATHS!

yeah but isnt kali the god of both creation AND destruction? i guess that puts things in perspective. that just as much as women are the creators of human life, they are equally the DESTROYERS of it!

And its MENS job to keep them OUT of Destruction mode, by keeping them IN creation mode as much as possible!

kali, or shiva, i dont know, i dont care.

YUGE interview tomorrow, biggest one in a more than a month. bank IT job. mainframes. i should be preparing better. but i already prepared for the phone interview last week. now i just want to complain about how horrible women and interviews and jobs are.

i guess trump did ok in the second debate? i mean its not like im gonna vote for hillary. and sensible women will say, oh trump is a Creep and Woman Hater…..but he’s still a way better choice than hillary!!! and then “hold their nose” and vote for trump.

so yeah i dont get these undecided voters.

in fact really i am gonna be STUCK voting republican the rest of muh life even if they only put up weaker and weaker cuckolds.  because at the end of the day, repub will always be closer to muh WHITE MALE demographic than the dems ever will be. i mean i just dont see a pro-white-male dem candidate as being even POSSIBLE ever.

i mean the dems are ALWAYS gonna be pandering too much to nonwhites and degens for me to ever support them! they only thing they possibly have going is that they are the party of the “regular working normie” which is FALSE anyway!

but basically i will vote for the candidate that is BETTER FOR WHITES. period. single issue voter hahahaha.

and i am sure that most times that choice will be extremely obvious.

and sometimes even the one who is better for whites wont necessarily be GREAT for whites. again. lesser of two evils. LEAST WORST.

 

guy asks for advice on how to dump his GF in a nice way because he doesnt want to DEVASTATE her because he doesnt hate her, shes a nice person, he just doesnt want to be in the rel anymore. what a moral guy hahahahaha.

welp managed to do baby steps of 10 pushups and 2 job apps. i mean i feel like i did 80% of my prep work for this interview, when i did the phone interview with them last week.

you DO get a chip on your shoulder and an inferiority complex like youre not good enough, and you always have to PROVE yourself, when you do 23 job interviews and nothing. at this point, the rejection has continued OVER THE LONG TERM, and that changes you. you get used to being rejected, although of course you dont WANT to be, and you probably get slowly better at Selling yourself. but its still never good Enough, and you still expect to be rejected for months and months longer. while women are out there making MONEY. and you cant convince people that you are worth a job to make your own money.

and fenriz the party animal can work at the norwegian post office for 25 years in a Career, non-PSE job, probably has a MF day shift, probably no split shift, probably doesnt have supervisors shitting on him all day. and he has time and energy to enjoy 500 albums a year and write and record darkthrone and I think he has a GF too who isnt dumping him because hes so insecure and weak. and he continues to drink beer at 44 years of age. and has a beautiful full head of hair. shit he probably smokes MJ too hahahahahahaha.

so, 153 hours of “work” times 12 dollars an hour is 1836 dollars worth of “work” i have done on job search. i am measuring all this time as closely as possible and trying to put a 12 dollar an hour value on it.

back in the day i used to “joke” that I Will Bribe You Ten Thousand Dollars To Give Me A Job.

i guess i was being too generous. really I was ripping myself off. I should go no higher than Three Thousand.

shit i would take out a loan even. with like 5% interest hahahahaha. is that high or low. yearly. 5% yearly not monthly hahahahahahaha.

but yeah i wish i had done a lot more than 153 hours of actual Work during this time hahahaha. that is less than One Month of Full Time Work.  during like god damn 15 months. hehehehehe.

10 hours a month. good job neet loser hahahaha.

welp. applied for 3 jobs today. 10 pushups. might do 10 more because i at a HUGE dinner of a delicious steak and cheese sammich and fries. gr8 1200 calories right there m8.

i could never destroy or throw away a human life as casually as women can.

casual sex, casual life destruction. casual murder. casual abandonment. what does it matter. its just a human life. its cheap, disposable, easily forgotten, easily replaced again and again. this is how women feel about Human Life hahahahahahaha.

well if THATS what i think Women Think, NO WONDER I hate women!!!!!!!!!

when really its just not  true. there is SEVERE Cognitive Distortion going on here!!!!!!

so i am hating women based on Faulty, Flawed Logic!

kinda for the wrong reasons.

my logic is not logical, AND my conclusions that stem from that logic are incorrect!

therefore, all women are not cold hearted sociopaths, and probably NOT EVEN HALF are!

and her, she wasnt even being sociopathic, so why am i saying all women are? she was just being cowardly and immature and emotional, which most women ARE, and i guess you can mistake the consequences of this for socipathy.

heh. so the end result is the same as sociopathy, AND most women ARE like that hahaha. so they MIGHT AS WELL BE sociopaths.

yeah, but they dont MEAN to be!

and that makes all the difference in the world hahahaha. when your heart is slaughtered either way.

so theyre doing all the damage of a sociopath, but they dont have sociopathic INTENT. so again, wtf DIFFERENCE does INTENT make here?

ok the….well…..NOT ALL WOMEN will act in a way that could be CONFUSED for sociopathy hehehe. im just feeling burned by my most recent and most powerful experience. just fallout. i said it was gonna take at least 2 years to get over! and this is just all part of the process! TRUST THE PROCESS!!!!!!

interview tomorrow. i guess if i had two, even one interview every week, i might get used to it so that i could be DESENSITIZED rather than FLOODED, so that i could actually IMPROVE rather than losing whatever small gains ive made by the next interview. when i need to make gains and KEEP THEM in order to be GOOD enough to do good enough in the interview to get the job.

so FIVE states are gonna be voting on legal MJ in 2016. cali, ariz, mass, florida?? no not florida, but maine and nevada.  they are saying cali and nevada and maine are the best chances here.

i mean shit. i guess i will stop talking about that cuz i dont want to dox myself.

but i keep forgetting they have legal weed in oregon and DC.

but can you go into a retail store in DC and buy it?

i thought there was some ridic rule where you couldnt BUY or SELL it , but you could GIVE it away and accept DNATIONS.

read some articles, really sounds like legal weed in DC just SUCKS, they have dispensaries, but you have to have a medical card to buy from them. i GUESS you could pester the medical card people to buy some, then “GIVE” it to you.

lesson: just go to colorado, oregon, wash, or maybe cali or nev in 2017.

 

hahahaha they think this might be “crusader girl” not sure if it is, but i dont know any other 17f’s making pro-white videos.

oct 11.

i have a BIG INTERVIEW coming up in 3 hours and i am not even worried, which is tech good, but i am not even preparing, which is bad. its like i dont want the job hahahahaha.

i mean i never had the FIGHTING spirit, and i am USED to rejection, and not getting my hopes up, etc.

just so obsessed with women and rels i cant even think about the things that MATTER, like living my life!!!!!

last night i was of course thinking about Grabbing All Women By The Pvssy (hahahahahaha) no jk, but i was thinking, yes, INTENT DOES matter, because it means women arent SOCIOPATHS, they’re just weak and cowardly. but they arent SUPPOSED to be brave and courageous and mature, thats MENS job!!!!!!!!

but yeah intent IS important even if the results are shitty, because it means they arent shitty horrible people deep down. and THAT matters.

anyway. i gotta be careful with writing in this so much. sometimes its good, but sometimes its bad. it goes both ways. meaning, sometimes it helps me, but sometimes it hurts me. it harms me when i am saying all sorts of bad shit about women and getting into a Negative Thought Spiral hehehehe. Downward Spiral of despair and Hate and Shame and Guilt and Despair and Giving Up and pessimism and low energy hehehehe. that is very bad.

honestly i was having a ton of fun just DAYDREAMING about smoking MJ. like finding cheapest flight to denver, finding cheapest air bnb type place, buying an ounce of MJ, and just spend 7 to 10 days getting ridic blazed all day and exploring the area, mountains, etc, maybe go visit foreveralone george mcfeels hahahaha and record a few conversations with him.  and be like man, you live here, get yourself some of this stuff maaaaannnnnnnnnn.

or oregon or washington, whatever is the best deal.

then i thought, well, what if the next state closest to me legalizes MJ before my state does, would i be willing to drive to that state, buy a ton of MJ, then drive it back across state lines illegally heheheheheh i would be totes paranoid there would be cops looking for that type of thing.

but really i think using my mental energy to think about MJ is better than thinking about WOMEN, or DESPAIR, or THAT WOMAN, or how I am a huge failure neet loser who will never become anything. Daydreaming about MJ is more positive than ANY of that.

in fact I never do any “daydreaming” at all. this thinking about MJ is the closest I get to it. What I do when i think about women is not really positive enough to be called “daydreaming”, its more obsessing and ruminating and shit. its just back and forth and if i get conclusions they are not good conclusions. visualizing me smokin spliffs in the mountains is a LOTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTT more pleasant.

that arguing in my mind all the ways women are horrible but its not their fault because either nature designed them this way for a Reproductive Reason, or the J’s brainwashed them to ruin them.

maybe i am not getting hired because i am not wearing a VEST with my suit hahahahahaha. when i got the suit there was a matching vest that i probably should have got because its basically the only chance to get a matching vest.

and having a vest can sometimes look very classy.

but honestly do you REALLY think it ALWAYS makes you look better in interviews?

powerful ceos and trump on tv debates, hes never wearing a vest. just a normal suit. and he doesnt look like an unhirable slob just because hes not wearing a VEST with his suit!!!!!!!!!!

so yeah i think this is faulty logic, that im not getting hired because im not wearing a VEST with my suit hahahahaha. besides it looks kind of ODD. like its a real weirdo autist wearing a vest. kind of like a bow tie, but much less phaggy and gay. phaggy yuppie hipster young urban professional SWPLs actually do wear bow ties with their Problem Glasses and Arm Tattoos to their Cool Corporate jobs.

if you move your hands and arms around alot when you talk, that makes you look less rigid and more normie. unless you go totally overboard with it. which i could see an autist doing. overcompensating. thrashing his arms around like a helicopter. that is just as bad.

sheeeeeit i might be OK with never having children as long as I made 30k a year in a job that didnt drive me crazy, and i could smoke MJ, and maybe bang the occasional young slut. bang a slut once every 2 months, how about that. i will continue to SUPPORT white families and white children, but why the hell should i have them myself if i dont have the money to raise them, and i cant get a woman worth having them with?

yes, it WOULD BE NICE to have children, but would it be the END OF THE WORLD if i didnt???

but in the absence of wife and children, i WOULD like to have good looking (7/10, under 30) sluts to bang on the reg.

but its kinda degenerate life eh, banging sluts and smoking MJ with no wife and children when you are 40, 50 years old?

yes it is. but i would accept that and find other ways to support the whites who DO have children. donate money and time to the survival and growth of My Race. and not tell my other racial warriors about my MJ habit hahahahaha.

see unlike technical J aaron clarey, i wouldnt be ENCOURAGING or BRAGGING about the hedonistic enjoy the decline poolside childless lifestyle. I’d say, this is NOT ideal, but I have come to accept my fate. so i will enjoy my life and also try to encourage a BETTER life among other whites. ie having children.  maybe i could have Foster Children hahahahahahahahahaha.

well, those cost MONEY too. and if youre going to spend a LOT of money on children like that, they SHOULD be your own.

basically, the amount of money I’d be giving to the Cause would NOT be enough to actually raise a white child with, becuase i wouldnt be MAKING that much money to begin with. i would make enough to support myself, muh degen MJ habit, muh little home in whitopia, and regular dnations to the white race, and thats about it. 30k a year. cant raise a family on that. not even on 40k a year.

yep this place is only 3.6 miles away, 9 minute drive, insanely close.

got the dress suit on now, yeah this shirt is too big. that is killing me more than not having a VEST is killing me.

great sense of judgment hahahaha. oh i can make decisions quickly and decisively. they just wont be the RIGHT decisions. this is why i am normally so indecisive hahahaha and have to PRETEND to be decisive.

welp had my big interview. it was ok. lasted 45 minutes to an hour. talked to a woman. she was ok. i mean they arent in ATTACK mode like a presidential debate. they arent looking to CRUCIFY you.

i did about the same as i always do. average. ok. was nervous and spaghetti spilling. i just start rambling like an autist cuz i figure its better than freezing. i mean i am just looking to make 14 dollars an hour like eveyrbody else. yeah well this job pays like like 20, 21 dollars an hour. DAMN.

i mean its good that i get interviewed for such high paying jobs! KIND of a confidence builder! but i feel I am only WORTH 12 to 16 dollars hehehehe.

well there is a second interview, with the CIO. we will see if i get invited to that. probably not hahahahahahaha.

well i survived through another interview at least.

also. i was watching that uppity negro trevor noah on the daily show, to get All Sides in these turbulent times, and hes making stupid jokes regarding trump being a bad man for touching women without their consent, this is literally raep, etc., its not JUST vulgar language but abusive actions.

ok lets say trump DID reach out and grab a woman by the Pvssy. and say that woman said ew STAHP you BAD MAN and slapped him and pushed him away. what do you think he would do?

he would back off and say oh ok, i see how it is maam. whatever you say. do you honestly think he would force himself on the woman?

BESIDES, the woman would be more likely to LIKE it and to accept his advances anyway. but if she said STAHP and pushed him away, i am CERTAIN trump would Respect Her Consent hahahahahahaha.

just like ANY man who engages in such Locker Room Talk.  I mean i say much worse things about women but i have never grabbed a woman like that, and if some woman told me to STAHP I would defintely STAHP. to a damn fault.

i am glad he has been able to get over this (well at least in my view hahahaha), it shows what a non issue it is. however if he were caught on tape using N bombs, that would truly be the end. and that would suck.

see its kinda like how most women have Raep Fantasies but they dont want to be Really Literally Technically Raeped, just rough secs with a handsome ravishing man. So why cant MEN have their own side of that “Raep Fantasy” where they like playing the role of that Ravishing Man who reaches out and grabs women by the Pvssy? it doesnt mean he’s going to or even WANTS to Literally Raep the woman!!!!!!!!! you fookin hypocrite liars!!!!!

liek none of you shitlib males ever did anything Shady With Women!!!!!!!!!

besides you wantt o talk about shady, look at these women racking up 5 new secs partners a month on tinder. as if you cant even get preggers from secs.

people acting so HORRIFIED. clutching their pearls. like they dont have NOODS on some dudes phone they dont even know, sucking dicks of guys whos names they dont even know.

well MAYBE i could make enough money to have ONE child, wouldnt that be ok? i mean yeah ideally i would have 3 or more, but i def wont ever make THAT much money. but it is a lot more conceivable that MAYBE one day i could make enough money to have ONE child. (of course i might never make enough money to even get married.)

and again i dont want to have children with somebody i am not totally in luv with. like i was with that woman. so finding a woman i luv naturally leads me to really start thinking about children. with this woman. not some random tinder slut.

and i would probably be okay with just banging tinder sluts from here till eternity, provided i had the basics of a survivable job, maybe muh own place, and a regular supply of MJ hahahahaha. i just cant get over that folks. i have to accept it. i dont WANT to quit MJ. says a guy who has smoked MJ 2 days out of the last 400 days or so. yet I THINK about it EVERY day. even though i NEVER smoke it. though i WANT to. EVERY day.

youd THINK i smoke it every day. but like i said. only 2 days out of the last 400 or 420 (hehehehehe) when i was on my little labor day meetup with the old friends.

but yeah MJ is the solution to all problems. it takes the edge off foreveralone, and heartbreak, and also on stressfull jobs where you feel on the verge of a nervous breakdown every day hahahaha. you cant go home and get drunk, but you sure as hell can get blazed every day, and it works pretty well!!!!!!!!

i mean I cant get drunk. plenty of people do though. i mean i dont know if I will ever be “OK” to drink again. and i am fine with never drinking again, but i am totally not fine with never having MJ again!!!!!!!!

another word for BEEF CURTAINS is MEAT DRAPES hahahahahahahahahaha.

maybe i need to find some alt right people who are tolerant of the degeneracy of MJ hahahha. pro-MJ alt righters hahahahahaha. theres got to be a few.

well thing is, i understand and agree with the standard alt right opinion that MJ is degen. i just refuse to give up that degeneracy. i think i know better. just keep it secret and dont tell my internet buddies who i dont even talk to hahahahah.

well one of my Personal Goals is to actually Physically Meet Up in Real Life with Alt Right, TRS, Daily Stormer people. Pro White, Right Wing, White Men.

i dont know what to tell you. yeah i could have been more electrifying today. hey you should have seen me when i was 18. i was a lot more charming. my shy boyish charm was endearing. now its just considered sad at best, creepy and weird at worst.

but yeah it sucks not being able to deal with life!

 

this guy talks like a phag and hes too successful and normie, but great example of blaming himself when his ex was really just a piece of cheating trash, and he blames himself that he was the bad guy and he made her cheat cuz he was too jealous, and he is still hung up on the woman.

 

oct 12

interesting incident last night at social game at pub, table of 5 men incl me and 1 youngish woman, gf of one of the guys. another one of the guys is “on the outs” due to general, prolonged drunken, annoying behavior and general cluelessness, bad fit, obnoxiousness. i tolerate him the best and just tune him out, plus i am not terribly offended by his jokes, plus i am closer to him politically than some of the leftist men.

we have been avoiding a difficult confrontation to dump him from the group. i am fairly content to just tune him out. plus i have more understanding and sympathy for him i guess. doesnt mean i want to defend him too strongly, because he should just pick up on the social cues, but that is not his strong suit, plus the drinking doesnt help.

some men make off color jokes and Locker Room Banter about women that Women can join in……while other men’s Locker Room Banter has a more anti-woman, mean, bitter edge to it. you can tell. stuff that makes women uncomfortable and sounds “Creepy” or “rapey” or “sketchy”, vs it doesnt. of course its way too easy to make women uncomfortable.

basically i see myself in the guy, we are both woman haters, and i totally understand and sympathize with woman haters. i know where it comes from and this is their way of Acting Out against the women who have hurt them or broken their heart in the past.

at the same time, i agree that women are entitled to be upset, offended,angry, creeped out by these types of remarks. they have less discernment in being able to tell is this man a violent abuser or raper, because really rapers and abusers say the same type of mean stuff (and maybe some of them dont!)

BUT I dont believe saying these type of Mean, Bitter things is a Slippery Slope AT ALL to eventually BECOMING a violent abuser. I could never live with myself if i actually abused a woman! I have no desire. I mean there is no chance it would ever happen. And I think this guy is the same way.

at the same time, i have a filter, i know what is appropriate to say, i KNOW my sense of bitterness is not very acceptable, so i keep it private, and if I were making Locker Room Banter about Pvssys, its gonna be more socially-accepted banter, with very good faith effort to hold back “i hate all women because they are stupid whores who deserve only to be brood mare slaves” type remarks.  even when i got sloppy drunk i dont think i said stuff like that. of course back then i was still a feminist hahahahahahahahahahahaha and total white knight.

well, i still kinda AM a white knight too! but def no longer a feminist.

anyway i can see how this woman is rightfully upset about this sloppy drunk guy making remarks to waitresses about Eating Pvssy or whatever. I think this guy likes to push the line with women directly in that way. tries to make women angry, so he can step back and be like whoa whoa whoa im just kidding sweetie, dont be so sensitive!

anyway the big diff here is, he pushed this womans buttons, and this woman unleashed on him, directly told him “NOT OK”, and also made direct reference to his Drinking and Sloppy Drunkenness and that the other guys just put up with you and are too nice to say anything (which is more or less true).

OF COURSHE he is a Conservative Trump Supporter who has dropped N-Bombs hahahahahaha. So the Leftist Element of our group views him as a Vile, Deplorable Racist, Sexist, Misogynist, Evil White Man. And I really should stand up for him on that front, and say you can be a good racist and sexist without being a Sloppy Obnoxious Annoying Mess!

i mean basically he says a lot of stuff ranging from groanworthy to downright cringeworthy. and of course cringeworthy can be seen by women and womencucks (hahahahahaha) as problematic, Hateful, Not Ok, oppressive, cis white male privilege, abusive, CREEPY, rapey, weird, uncomfortable, triggering, etc etc etc.

i mean basically i think if he’s gonna use borderline weirdish locker room talk around women, he has to be prepared for the confrontation by women. i think he might like it on some level. and see i dont do this whatsoever. i am so good with my filter that its not even a risk. also i dont really WANT to be a woman hater, but I’ve pretty much accepted it as something that im just too old to change, plus for me, its EASY to use my filter and blend in. even if i am tired or stressed or scared hahahaha. plus my personal style is very different. i am very cool and cold and dont rock the boat, and polite and uncontroversial, go along to get along, cant we all just get along, minnesota nice, cool as a cucumber, dont say anything that might be offensive to anyone. dont offend anyone.

and very few things can offend me. the “hateful” things this guy says dont offend me because i totally understand him. if i knew he actually beat or raeped women i would feel differently and be more against him. but i really dont think he does or has!

i dont like to push peoples buttons because i know its not gonna do anything productive. theres really no point. its a lose for me. there is no benefit or incentive for me. why do it.

it really is amazing that i have such a good filter, because basically all my thoughts are socially inappropriate. i mean how is the mask not slipping. how is there no chinks in the armour. but theres really not. the only chinks are, well, he’s a pretty quiet guy, and i have never really heard of him Dating A Wimmin, but he seems pretty nice. probably just a Shy Guy who doesnt have a lot of Confidence with Wimmin.

which is very very true! i mean that is accurate as fook!

and really i know Not All Women are like that. honestly when i get out in public and see normie women, i dont feel hate or disgust even though they might do disgusting things. and i care about that impacting the white race, but i am very good about Accepting People Where They Are and seeing the good in people. kinda surprising actually! this is very easy to do when i am with them socially. VERY difficult when i am by myself writing.

i really only get OFFENDED and BUTTHURT when somebody hurts me directly, and to do that, i need to have kinda a serious deep rel with them, which i just dont have with most people! the closer you are to me, the more you can offend me.

well, i also get offended by Customers thinking i’m Stupid.

and i get offended by women being sluts and babies.

but i can very easily hold that back unless they are being sluts or babies to ME. then i get PISSED. or DEVASTATED.

i mean i dont really DO any locker room talk anyway because its degenerate and pornographic. i dont get excited by banging sluts. i get excited by nondegen, nonporno stuff like a traditional white family, a loving white waifu, monogamy, loyalty, Mutual Support, cuddling, not Blowjobs from Barsluts in Parking Lots, or jerking off to Porno. which i guess makes me Weird among men.

my kind of Locker Room Talk would be, why are so many women such huge, disgusting cvm guzzling whores? and yeah that sounds hateful and creepy and bitter. because it is!

basically i should be happy and confident, because when i get out in The World With Women, I’m not thinking, look at all these DISGUSTING WH0RES, how many cox has she sucked, etc. I mean i think about it, but its way on the back burner, and i always give women the benefit of the doubt and treat them like Human Beings and I am NICE TO EVERYONE. Nobodys life is EASY. I pride myself on not being an OBNOXIOUS person.

if some woman has a huge slut past, well, thats her problem, not my problem, unless i am in a rel with her. yeah its the white races problem, but im not gonna FIX her right here and now. we live in a very degenerate society so as long as someone is trying to be nice to me and not obnoxious, im happy with that, on the short term, small talk, real world interaction level.

and if someone is being obnoxious to me, i just ignore them. unless i really care about their opinion of me, like theyre obnoxious to me because i am weak and pathetic…but i dont really get that hahahahahaha. only if i am trying to build a rel with a wimmin and she rejects me, which only happens like once every 5 years or so.

i realize that my problem with women is at least 50% my own personal issues with women, not just The Way Women Are. but There IS a way that women are!!!!! but i think my own issues make me think that this is worse than it actually is.

like i have very mixed feelings about this women, the Sensitive GF. i dont trust her, i dont trust her with him, i dont trust her not to break his heart, or to put in enough effort, or to be a good GF basically. i dont think shes a bad person but i think shes a little bit too crazy to ever have a good rel, and i strongly suspect Father Issues and very possibly Past Abuse issues and even more possibly Slut Past issues. i would not want to date her at all. although she is QT. and how would i feel if she were showing any interest in me. i probably would get sold on her, like her BF is.

but i still try not to judge her TOO much, and i think she is perfectly entitled to be upset and butthurt about what the drunk guy is saying, and to call him out on it.

she was worried about being Gaslighted as That Crazy Gurl. i mean i dont think shes an idiot, and she did have the right to stand up for herself and speak out against his Locker Room Talk which again, is the TYPE of locker room talk which really triggers women as being a Potential Threat.

what i’m far more concerned about is his Generally OBnoxious, Drunken, Annoying behavior, and the best way to address Dumping him from our group, vs just tolerating him to avoid that Very Uncomfortable Direct Confrontation. OBVIOUSLY direct confrontation is best. kinda funny that it took a timid quiet gurl to do it, rather than a bunch of big burly bearded men hahahahahahahahaha wimmin r so stronk and independent dont need no man, men are pussy manchildren pajama boi.

ok got in 1 job app today hahahahaha. hopefully a few more hehehehe.

got to go to job related TEST tomorrow. 9 am. yikes. a computer and software test. for the PT job that I already took a 90 minute written test on. and prob bombed because it had a lot of specific accounting question and since i havent taken accounting in 7 years, i cant remember debits and credits. but i got an A+ in accounting 1 AND 2. all that shit. bonds, stocks, debits, credits, cash flows, balance sheets, owners equity, reconciliations, depreciation, ledgers, journals, all that shit, i USED to know it. it is honestly a LOT of shit.

ldr. he wants to fight for it. he is very worried she just wants to give up and walk away without fighting.

oh you bad man. stop FIGHTING. its pathetic and creepy. just respect her wishes to say “meh” to a 5 year relationships. SHE KNOWS WHAT SHE WANTS. stop trying to COERCE and PUSH her. just accept youre getting thrown away like yesterdays trash. which you are. accept it. respect it. RESPECT IT.

ITS NOT POSSIBLE TO RESPECT SOMEBODYS DECISION TO TREAT YOU WITH DISRESPECT!!!!!!!

this is why i hate the phrase respect her decision. i was accept it, but i absolutely will not respect it.

well, woman haters like me always SEE disrespect where there is none, right. any time a woman doesnt agree with you and exercises her own will is  disrespect right.

fook you!!!!

of course no one is really saying that, except the fake fictional fantasy evil woman “Stereotype” in muh head. and real women arent THAT shitty. in my head there lives the Shittiest Woman who ever lived hahahahaha. the donald trump uncle adolf shitlord of women hehehehehe.  just the evilest, stupidest, immature, 6000000 foot cranky baby with a 60000000 foot flamethrower, the stupidest, the sluttiest, the most emotional, worlds worst woman, pandora, delilah, jezebel, eve. the worst of everything.

i do like how trump hates The Media. because how could you not. admonishing the shit out of these sleazy, low down, dirty, bottom feeding “Skypes” hahahahahahahaha. i wonder if this is a RACIST DOGWHISTLE that he is joo-wise. because people that talk about (((THE MEDIA))) like that are sometimes joo-wise.

well you think anyone that works in real estate in NYC is joo-wise!!!!!!

oh wow. he just said “believe me the LAST THING i wanna do is invade her space” in reference to the idea that he was LOOMING over her like a horror movie villain cis white male at the 2nd debate.  IMHO it is kinda cocky to say something like this (“he is judging her physical appearance and implying womens worth is only in the phsyical and again talking in aggressive terms about aggressively invading and groping women etc”) so it is pretty AWESOME that in a mere 5 days, he has completely BTFO’d the grab em by the pvssy debacle. i mean he is back at the top of his game after like 2 days of contrition. beautifully played don. no i am not joking!!!!!!!!!!

i hate that women are allowed to make so many mistakes, over and over and over and over again, about the men they fook, do the life creation process with, its ok to make tons of mistakes and never learn from them and never be responsible. NO.

ive made a lot of mistakes, but i never made a mistake about the women i was interested in. well, somewhat i did, in that i shouldnt have been interested in a few of them, because they were crazy sluts. but what was MORE compelling was that they were Young, Cute, I saw them Regularly, they showed an interest in me, and I talked to them fairly smoothly. shit, all that combined was more than enough to outweigh Crazy and Slutty. because its not like i had women knocking down my door. i didnt have a SELECTION, a CHOICE.

and this is normal, natural. WOMEN ARE THE SUPPLY, MEN ARE THE DEMAND.

so its a LOT more forgiveable when i “choose” a young pretty gurl even if she is tech a bad choice, because its not like i had a real choice. you go long periods of drought and then once every few years one woman pops up.

now women, they never have a drought. they have a pool they can pick from. so YES it IS bad that they keep making poor choices here. they have plenty of experience choice making. they make a new choice every few months. men get a non-choice popping up once every few years.  and also women can get pregnant, so the CONSEQUENCES of their choices are a lot more serious. so YEAH I resent them for makign bad choices over and over and over and over and over and over and never learning yet being given a new chance very frequently.

and it didnt always used to be this way!

i mean i cant REALLY hate women because theyre not responsible for any of this, the joos are. the joos ruined everything.

but honestly. how damn hard is it to keep your legs closed ya damn sluts????? so yeah i DO blame women for that. they arent totally helpless.

so, i hate women because they have hurt ME by beign crazy, promiscuous, immature, cowardly, cold, hehehhehe.

jeez the CEO of the bank i had the big interview for and job i really want to get looked at my linkedin profile cuz i looked at his yesterday. the fookin CIO or tech manager cant even look at my profile, but the god damn CEO. come on.

but like i say, when confronted with a real life woman who maybe has a past of being a crazy slut, hurting people, making terrible decisions….. i still treat the woman amazingly friendly, polite, non judgemental.

in other words, i THINK i hate all women, but i really just hate THAT Woman. and when i am alone and writing here, i think ALL women have the WORST traits of THAT woman. when its just not true.

also she didnt even have terrible traits. she had good intentions but not enough courage to do the mature thing. thats ALL. thats IT.

maybe it speaks to the disproportionate, extreme pain of “ghosting” itself? you might not INTEND to do it, but it can still cause a CRAZY amount of pain?

really this hadnt really been done to her. i mean yeah her father abandoned her but she basically grew up thinking he was a deadbeat. i think he appeared every once in a while but she never had a good, close, regular consistent rel with him, and i dont think either one of them WANTS to. he’s just some deadbeat who never really cared about her, but its not really a Total Ghosting, especially if they talk like once every 2 years or something hahahahaha. and also she was like a BABY when he left. there never was a time when he was around, being a good father.

her longterm ok boifran, he didnt Ghost Her. they just argued for months and then had a fairly mutual Break Up and continued to talk to each other a little bit afterwards. it didnt seem super hateful.

so yeah she didnt do this to me because it had been done to her. she just did it because she was THAT immature and cowardly that she couldnt handle talking to me WHATSOEVER. not even to send a text or email or have somebody else send a text or email.

¯\_(ツ)_/¯

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this is how women communicate hahahahahahaha

😂

hahahahahahaha the blacks love this one, and prob women too

👨‍👨‍👦

jejejejejejej

👦🏿🔫🌜

hehehehehe they would do this one on racist google hangouts sometimes hahahaha

so yeah really the bottom line, the takeaway is, i dont hate women in the real world as much as i think i do in my head. meaning, when it comes to these real sluts out there, i can view them as Human Beings and I treat them with Human Dignity hehehehe. I DO NO HARM to anyone. not nonwhites, not women. thats what antiracists and antisexists dont udnerstand. they think we are HATEFUL and want to HARM people. WRONG.

and then they say well youre being DIVISIVE. DIVISIVE. stop DIVIDING people and FOMENTING FEAR. LOVE NOT FEAR. stop this US VS THEM mentality.

no i just dont want weird violent foreigners in muh neighborhood. in muh city. or blacks. in the US we have a black problem and yeah that is related to Slavery. i still say, give em their own country in like louisiana or alabama or mississippi or something.

i mean right now, progressive whites are saying, yep its an objective fact, take a look at the balance sheet. whites have done more harm against blacks, latinos, nonwhites, whatever. whites are in power and whites abuse that power, and now they need to STEP DOWN and accept that nonwhites should have real power in Our Democracy, and also that whites have to make reparations, because whites did massive Crimes. and whites are STILL in power, and its only JUST to FIGHT that power. so i’m glad when affirmative action gives jobs to blacks and i dont get the job. thats a very unlikely situation anway. ive already got a good job. but im MORE than happy to start cheking and giving up my white privilege to make a more progressive, equal, fair, nonracist society!!!!!!!!

i know actual white leftists, this is how they think!

black cities are full of crime because whites KEPT THEM DOWN! whites wouldnt hire them for good jobs, whites wouldnt lend them money to start businesses adn create jobs, whites wouldnt let them live in white neighborhoods, redlining, blockbusting, thats why stuff like section 8 is a GOOD thing! white landlords not renting to blacks. the whites are TRAPPING the blacks, putting them back in chains!

this is insanely wrong and evil, so yes we must do our part to atone for these real sins!

ESPECIALLY if i take any pride in being White, then its even MORE reason to take responsibility for the BAD things whites have done, not just the GOOD things! (not that white leftists have ANY pride in being white)

why cant more songs on darkthrones new album be as good as “tundra leech”? that song is crammed with great riffs, and then there is a BIG dropoff. but that song made me think, damn this is one of the best Metal Songs of 2016. darkthrone STILL HAS IT!!!!!!! (not that ive listened to many 2016 metal songs!)

just have a LITTLE bit more black metal guys! or at least make all the songs as good as “tundra leech”! this is more black metal in the celtic frost sense rather than the transilvanian hunger sense.

(i am well aware “tundra leech” is a ridiculous name, but DT has been doing insanely ridiculous song titles since “straightening sharks in heaven” in 2004. which reminds me, “sardonic wrath” has an excellent production on it, but i can’t really say how good the songs are.)

so i guess clandestine blaze is the ideal replacement for darkthrone then right? i mean DT is obviously a huge influence for CB.

so yeah DT is always an interesting topic of conversation, really ALL their albums are different in some way, and fenriz would probably be a fun guy to Hang Out with.

but i also can’t understand making enough money to have children…..and then not having children, and living as a 44 year old adolescent. i mean its fine to listen to music, but music is his whole life.

but yeah same wiht like beethoven.

but beethoven was a little more Musically Significant than Fenriz tho, no?

sure……but fenriz is pretty damn significant. i mean he’s already left a legacy. maybe thats why he doesnt feel the need to have children. his music is his children! and it will live forever! ok ok i can get that, fine.

i mean shit. if i can come back to “plaguewielder” 15 years later and enjoy it, whos to say i wont be enjoying “the cult is alive” in 5 years hahahahha.

gotta get up at 615 am tomorrow yet i am doing social game tonight, wont get home till 1230 am, i mean if i had to WORK i would not do this! but i KNOW i dont have to be “ON” at my thing tomorrow morning. im not getting PAID. Im not WORKING. I guess it would be smart to Study for my Test. like what. study excel. study quickbooks. study accounting. study macros. just study shit for 4 hours so i can get 100% on the test. treat it like a College Maths Exam. I wouldnt be going out at night if i had a Math Exam the next morning!!!!!!!!

but i AM kinda butthurt at the org for making me jump through SO MANY goddamn hoops all the time. a 90 minute written test, a 90 minute excel test, and an interview, just to get put on a LIST for a PART TIME job. and then having to REPEAT this WHOLE process for every part time job you apply for. now its just like one every 3 months because thats how few job openings they have. im just sick of giving and never getting. going there to take interviews and tests for PT jobs every few months and NOTHING. like who do i have to suck off to get a PT job? how come stupid 18 year old gurls get PT jobs in certain departments? am i overqualified or do they just hate gaps? OR BOTH????

its a fact of fookin life, people get gaps sometimes. LONG GAPS. because so many employers are gapist hahahahahahahahaha.  but yeah gaps are literally the kiss of death and ive got it BAD. THAT WOMAN never had serious gap problems like i do. and people who dont have gaps just dont understand!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

yes, i address the gap directly in my cover letter. as of sept 2016 i do hahahahaha. i think this is a great move and i am grateful to the real life person who suggested it.

intimidated and insecure by Female Sexuality???

NO, I JUST DONT LIKE SLUTS!!!!!!!!!!!!! Theyre DISGUSTING!!!!!!!!!

well, their sluttiness is disgusting. hate the sin, love the sinner hahahaha.

besides, i can get along just fine with women who have had Slut Pasts, provided I’m not trying to Start A Rel with them.  I would intentionally keep them at a distance, but I wouldnt be MEAN or impolite about it!!!!!!!

but i dont really care that the waitress who serves me is a slut! if anything i think, that poor girl, she’s got a horrible job, i could never do that, i will be nice to her and give her a good tip. TOUGH LIFE. maybe she’ll find a good man some day. but im not interested.

but yeah nature and nurture. when you see White Trash you think, i KNOW whites can do better than this. so maybe nurture IS more important than nature. there are total white trash neighborhoods, areas, trailer parks, etc. why cant some of them Rise Above a life of drugs, single mothers, deadbeats, bad boys, white trash? or are they a lesser subspecies of whites that were Born That Way? Irish? Italian? Polish? hahahahahaha. Squatting Slavs? Potato Eating Potato Negros????

LONG TERM REL IS THE DEFINITION OF NORMALF4G / 2 MUCH 2 HANDLE = SHUT DOWN

93

ask somebody the worst heartbreak they ever had, ask a normalfag, and they will say oh it the first one when i was real young i was like 16 and muh high school sweetheart dumped me and i was very derpressed for 1 month. but then i banged 9000 gurls from 18-22 and never got too worked up about those sorta things, went out with some wimmin long term, i dumped them when i saw we were no longer compatible and had irreconcilable differences, no big deal, part of life, then eventually met a wimmin where we stayed fairly compatible and then we got married the end. until at age 40 and i was finally 40 and stable and making decent money and had 3 kids, then she divorced me to go eat pray love fook n suck, cuz she didnt really know why but she didnt feeeeeeeeeeeeeeeel haaaaaaaaaaaaappy with me any more but just was not sure why. the end.

got muh 5.6 miles in today, though about nyquil but decided against it cuz pretty tired from shitty sleep yesterday.

i dont trust anyone who is not a virgin or who has ever had a long term rel. long term rel is the DEFINITION of normalfag.

shit i wish we had not worked together. the loss of job is making me way less confident, and more hateful and misanthropic and hopeless. job sucked but i probably could have handled it if she wasnt there, or if we worked in different rooms. but there was only one big room.

well, with this case, i probably would have wanted separate FLOORS.

i mean this is worst heartbreak ever.

no definitely separate FLOORS, and many days off for me, and i would have confronted her in person at work and said we need to talk NOW.

in hindsight i should have done that here too. things got so weird i stopped approaching her, last couple of times i talked to her, the Coldness was just insane and it was clear she did not want me talking to her at all. so then i stopped approaching her but i did try to instant message with her. those were completely ignored. she usually responded to muh instant messages even if very short shitty responses. because i was such a boring unfun weirdo creep and i wasnt fun to talk to any more hahahaha. see I was the bad guy and it was all my fault because i had ISSUES I couldnt get over. just because i was in luv with her didnt concern HER at all.

heh i hate this everybody is a damn island shit and you dont care when your friend has ISSUES and you just blame it on the person for not getting over their issues, when PART of the issues and them not getting over it, is YOU giving them the SILENT TREATMENT and refusing to talk about issues that are ABOUT you.

yeah i could have communicated better and instead of lets hang out lets hang out, i could have said more directly

“I HAVE TO TALK TO YOU ABOUT SOMETHING IMPORTANT THAT CONCERNS YOU.”

we dont need to have the talk rght now, but lets set an appointment for sometime in the next few weeks. i cant eat or sleep. it is important and it deals with you, its not all my issue.

by that time she should have a pretty good idea what its about hahahahaha.

MAYBE she knew why i was so adamant about talking to her in person, and she just didnt want to hear it, so she just kept blowing off the hangouts, because she had a pretty good idea of what i wanted to say, and that was too much for her to handle.

TOO MUCH TO HANDLE.

and then people SHUT DOWN.

that is a pretty good Occam Explanation, and we both had Too Much To Handle in different ways, and both shut down in diff ways.

she had too much to handle because she felt i became a completely diff person by having feels for her. and shut down by well giving me complete silent treatment forever.

i had too much to handle because i couldnt handle this brutal rejection and seeing her every day at our awful stupid insane job. it was not a good kind of fast paced but the worst kind. perfect shitstorm. and i shut down by “leave of abscencing” the awful job and havng a devastating heartbreak.

there was more personal pain and suffering for me, obviously.

“hes experienced more pain and suffering than any human being ive ever seen…….and he still has HELL to look forward to!”

FIGHT OR FLIGHT

it was fight or flight for both of us. i fleed by running frm the whole situation, she fleed by flying away from me.

but i should be entitled to some hate and anger hahahaha.

i am angry at her for refusing to talk at all, for not responding, for hurting me, for seemingly treating our entire past like nothing, by just running away and abandoning me and washing her hands of me, treating me like garbage to throw away, etc.

i know that might not have been her INTENT….. but its impossible to determine intent or anything when they just run away like this. there is a definite sense of leaving you hanging even though it is clear theyre saying its over. but its the worst closure ever. people have had better closure than this, fact.

so yeah i am feeling a bit SALTY and angry and hot and cold. just a bag of intense emotions towards her. honestly why cant she just write me an email.

because life isnt fair and people dont always treat you the way you want to be treated, sometimes they do you wrong, even if they dont mean to do you that wrong.

who CARES what she MEANT??? she still hurt me and it was very very bad!

well it matters what she meant ebcause i KNOW she isnt EVIL, its just so UNLUCKY and UNFORTUNATE that the worst thing this otherwise decent person does, they do it to ME. it is worse pain than i have been dealt by SHITTIER peopel!

GOOD PEOPLE CAN HURT YOU MORE THAN SHITTY PEOPLE!!!!!!!!

there’s a valuable lesson that will teach you how to be a better person. basically avoid good people and seek out shtty people because they will hurt you less hahahahahaha good lesson mang

94

I Acknowledge That Casual Sex, No Emotions, No Relationship Sex, might not necessarily be a bad thing, but the crux is, ALL PEOPLE MUST BE ON THE SAME PAGE, in agreement on what this means/doesn’t mean.

in other words, before you stick it in, making sure to gain Enthusiastic, Authentic Consent with every thrust (hahahahaha) simply ask the B if she has any feelings for you or if this is just drunken meaningless no strings attached secs like she has with her 10 different fukk buddiez erry day.

i mean you cant beleive what anyone SAYS but in this case, if the woman tells you yeah its just secs, no feelings, i think you can trust her to tell the truth about THAT. so beleive THAT.

meanwhile if you are in luv with the gurl and want her to be Your Monogamous Long Term Gurlfran……. thats a huge ass string, and this secs will end up being hurtful to you. A Big Ass Talk is in order, where you confess your feelings, and hopefully she gives you some kind of shitty response like im not ready for a relationship right now, i just want to get filled up by a variety of cox for the time being.

NOTE WELL: if you just want to get yer dick wet because you havent had secs in 10 years and dont want to bang a hooker, and youve managed to pull some desperate or opportunistic or whatever woman who is actually willing, be sure to confirm what her feelings are. there is a 1% chance she might be in luv with YOU, and you pumping and dumping her and using her as Fook Meat might break her heart, because she’s in luv with you.

well if you JUST MET the person, they cant be in luv with you. if you’ve known them for 2 years however……tread carefully.

because having a decent friendship over 2 years IS a long term rel which by definition has more strings than some RANDOM STRANGER you JUST MET.

like if the woman i am in luv with had pity secs with me. it would break my heart even more, and i would be even more angry at her. because it means nothing to her and is awkward and sucks and she wants to be with other guys, while for me it is the most intense experience in the life.

but if both people are not in luv with each other, want to bang other people, then yeah that should be ok to have casual meaningless meat fooking. not that women should be doing that. back in the day respectable women would never THINK of doing that.

now all women do it and there are no respectable women left, and women dont care about being respectable.

and if men wanted casual sex, they got it from a hooker. there was no such thing as nonhooker sluts.

see hookers are more honest. they say heres some casual sex, you know what it is, and it costs this much.

nonhooker sluts dont even know how to be honest. its always i dunno and fooking 10 guys at the same time and Never Communicating About Feelings.

IMHO there is more Heartbreak between men and women now than there was 50 years ago!

and that women are dishing out the majority of that heartbreak!

i would say 90% of women have broken at least one male heart, while only 25% of men TOPS have broken at least one female heart.

this is BECAUSE only alpha males can break female hearts, can make women LOVE them to begin with, and by definition, only a minority of men are alpha.

and alpha is relative to other men too. its always gonna be the top 20% Most Masculine of Men.

which is frustrating because the male average is pussified and unmasculine and faggy nowadays, so it should be EASY to become an alpha right?

like in the 50s when the average man was super masculine like john wayne, youd think it be much HARDER to be more masculine than that to become a top 20% True Alpha male.

now all men are sensitive faggy neets who love and respect women and want long term monog rels with them hahahaha.

no i kid i kid of course.

you can tell pretty easily when someones heart is broken. they say “i am heartbroken” or “devastated” or “im hurting real bad” or “in a real bad place right now” or “PLEASE RESPOND” hahahaha and they seem desperate, weak, and begging, and their world is crashing down around them.

but yeah. how is it so hard to send an email. this is eating me up and will continue to eat me up for a long time. how is it not eating her up. you would think that after some time has passed, WHICH IT HAS, she would write to me and say sorry about that hahahaha. but noooooooooooooo.

well nobody said life was fair hahahaha.

but yeah when something is eating you up, you just cant enjoy anything because its always on your mind.

you cant go out and simply enjoy things with your friends, go fook secsy new men, because its in the back of your mind bothering you, keeping you from having fun and being haaaaaaaaaaappy.

its eating ME up but theres NOTHING i can DO about it, plus it shouldnt eat me up because i wasnt the Bad Guy.

it SHOULD be eating HER up because SHE was the bad guy, PLUS she now has bad karma hanging over her, AND, she still has ALL the power to DO SOMETHING ABOUT IT! the ball is 100% in her court! she could write to me and say sorry. but NOOOOOOOOOOOO. and she doesnt even THINK about it, she goes out and has 100000000 times more fun than i do, WORRIES about it 10000000000 times less than i do, even though i have no power to do anything about it!!!!!!!!

what the fook!

so obviously i need to get over it hahahaha. bitches always tell you to get over it, then walk away and sook dicks, but they never tell you HOW to get over it. shit THEY dont know how to get over it. they only thing they know is go suck and fook moar cox, they think THATS how you get over things.

thats why modern women are sociopathic sluts and evil demons hahahahaha.

ok time for the 2.8 miler.

SILENT TREATMENT IS EMOTIONAL ABUSE

92

uhhhh so i didnt have a RIGHT to anything. i didnt have a RIGHT to be communicated with. relships are so hard and complex and you do one thing wrong and youre out. one strike and youre out. i am patient as fook and give many strikes, too many.

but i wasnt patient enough for her!

but she didnt care if i was patient, BECAUSE SHE WASNT GONNA TALK TO ME ANYWAY!

she didnt want space TEMPORARILY, she wanted space PERMANENTLY!!!!!!

well, at least once she decided (correctly, because MY signals are UNambiguous!) that i liked her, THEN she wanted PERMANENT space. not that she would have SAID that.

welp just lost my whole stack at the table hahahaha some guy right Sucked Me Out hahahaha. well he was betting smart and won on a pair of jacks when i was hoping for SOMETHING. i had AQ unsuited.

these people dont know what LUV IS! I DO! they can have somebody stick their dick in them for 5 years and spend 24 hours a day with them and STILL not know what true luv is!!!!!!!!!!

OCCAMS RAZOR SON. Women dont care about long term consequences because its NOT OBVIOUS. and humans are addicts to short term gratification. humans ALWAYS have trouble with the LONG TERM, even when you BODIES and HORMONES are long term oriented to Get Pregnant. they dont see it like that, they just see it as the Short Term Pleasure of SEx with a Sexy, Fun, Exciting Man.

This is why a Strong Father Figure is so important!

she did not have that, so, thats how that is being expressed.

many gurls express No Strong Father Figure by being a slut. Lesson Learned: they dont HAVE to express it by being a slut. they might NOT be a slut, and just totally mindfook you and devastate you and abandon you.

of course the girls with strong father figures are not going to want a Jobless Futureless Unambitious Loser like me! catch 22.

so finding a Fatherless girl whos a Nonslut is kinda like my ideal woman hahahaha. cuz then theres a chance that she would accept me for being a loser. like female friend did.

https://www.quora.com/How-do-I-deal-with-a-girlfriend-who-wont-open-up-about-how-she-feels

guy says communication is the lifeblood of a relationship and bad communication is a common cause for the end of many rels, she sounds immature and petty, dump her

http://www.relationshiptalk.net/wont-respond-but-wont-say-its-over-either-30021531.html

heres a good one from that one: (QUOTE FROM REL TALK . NET SITE above.)

it is from a woman about an uncommunicative man, but it is real close to my situation:

I’m so sorry to hear about your loss. I’m 25, my ex-fiancee of 5 years is 28. Long story short, we were in a long-distance relationship in our last year… he asked for a “break” in January to “find himself” (he has anxiety and depression), then 8 months of tortuous “limbo” ensued. Like you, I asked him to be straight up with me. I either got silence, or a vague response such as, “I love you and want to be with your forever but I need to find myself” sort of BS. When I’d ask if I should see other guys, he’d repeat the same thing. It was agonizing. I walked on eggshells for 8 months, all the while trying to make myself sexier, more caring, fun, interesting, etc so that he’d notice during the 3 times I was “allowed” to speak with him. None of that BS mattered…He ultimately dumped me… vaguely… via e-mail. I didn’t realize that it was fully over until he started blocking me on social networking and messaging programs in September.

Like your ex, my ex has the tenancy to “shut down” when things don’t go his way. While you think some of the stories on here may be more extreme than your case, they are not. We all share a common thread-we were all involved with weak and sometimes emotionally selfish individuals. They don’t want to have to see our reaction to the break-up, so they want to avoid that difficult conversation all together. They don’t care about our closure; all they care about is their own suffering. They view us as a “problem” and if they just ignore it, it will “go away” asap… And when we don’t, it really throws them for a loop.

Even after 8 months of being pushed away, I maintained that I wanted to be with my ex until the end– he was stunned by this. It was at that point that it became clear to me that he never intended to make things work when he had initiated the break in January– he had just hoped that by pushing me away, then I would be the one to finally break down and say, “f* you, you’re an a* and I’m done with you!”. That way, he can tell all his friends that he’s the victim– that I left him– rather than him having to admit that he sabotaged the relationship.

To clarify- I don’t necessarily think your ex or my ex are “bad people” (my ex has one of the warmest hearts you’ll ever find), but it does mean that they have some issues that they need to sort out-how our exes cope with stressful situations is not healthy, and we’re better off without them until they get themselves figured out (which could take years).

Please do not fall into the trap that I did. The only way for you to “win” in this scenario is to lay out all the cards on the table– tell him you love him, etc. and that you want to be with him, but since he’s so undecided, you will need to go NC… [UFMLL: NC means No Contact hahahaha] And now it’s up to him to reach out to you. He’ll either come crawling back to you, or he will never speak to you again.

The best thing you can do is accept this as a break-up, and as <email> a better life than your ex ever could. When I got dumped, I got a new haircut, dyed my hair for the first time, began running marathons, and went on lots of “adventures”. Not only did it help keep me busy, but it’s caused me to attract the most incredible men. I once thought that my ex was perfect for me, and that no one could ever compare… But now, I am finding myself with men that are not only emotionally available (unlike my ex), but they treat me the way I deserve to be treated.

Please learn from my mistake- don’t torture yourself in limbo like I did. Go NC and never look back. Good luck!

” (ANOTHER QUOTE)

Silent Treatment is a classic form of emotional abuse and over time it WILL erode your sense of self if you let it. What better way to make someone feel insignificant? Google emotional abuse, passive aggressive and even possibly narcissist

SILENT TREATMENT.

EMOTIONAL ABUSE.

it certainly eroded the FOOK out of muh self esteem thats for sure!

she didnt INTEND to abuse me, i dont think she is An Abuser, but GOD DAMN it HURT(S) LIKE HELL!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

intent.

QUOTE: ”  “I shut down” is not a good enough excuse if it messes with your head, heart and leaves you in limbo. ”

http://www.relationshiptalk.net/why-wont-my-girlfriend-talk-to-me-anymore-3334824.html

” QUOTE

if she wanted to talk——she would
if she wanted to see you—-she would
if she missed you—–she’d say so (regularly)
if she wanted you to know about her—-she’d let you in (regularly)

if none of that’s goin on——-there’s nothing (not much, at least) there

hehehe best website ever

wow lost another full stack basically, 2 of em total, this has been my Worst Day Of Cards EVER, i have never lost this much in one day. so basically never gonna break even here.

http://www.relationshiptalk.net/how-to-write-an-emotional-decent-closure-letter-to-my-ex-who-does-not-repl…-26682924.html

try this instead

http://goo.gl/RYkmtK

ok relshiptalk is a great site but the links are HORRIBLE because they have periods in the URL which brings you to a 404 page. but if you delete and retype the periods only, you find the page still exists….

the ones without periods work fine tho. OR you can copy and paste the links and they work. i think.

men write much more beautiful, emotional, profound, touching, heartfelt emails of closure than women do, who have no idea how to express their emotions or put 2 words together lol.

http://www.relationshiptalk.net/when-an-ex-wont-give-you-closure&#8230;.-11209524.html

http://goo.gl/TRfsqv

either copy and paste first link, or use second one hahaha

yeah. good site, i recommend spending some time there. you will probably find a few stories close to yours.

plus what you find is that all women are crazy bitches and all men are reasonable victims of crazy bitches who totally did them wrong! men are always right, women are always wrong hahahaha.

no im kidding, men and women contribute to this site about equally.

basically it all boils down to, dump the b and go no contact and if they really luv u, they will contact you later, but uhhhhhh def dont expecte it cuz it is not likely lol.

ok time for another 2.8 miler, second of the day. ok done.

http://blogs.psychcentral.com/relationship-skills/2014/06/dont-give-up-when-he-or-she-wont-open-up/

“Create an agreement to discuss the issue. If now isn’t a good time find a time that works for both of you and commit to it.”

yeah that did not happen at all. it was me clingily begging please can we talk about these things some day im concerned about our relationship and she would say ok yeah of course well talk about it someday.

but she was just trying to avoid it indefinitely, and i was trying to talk about definitely!

so yeah it is good to agree on a specific time. literally. we are going to talk about this on saturday two weeks from now.

http://www.loveshack.org/forums/romantic/dating/482928-my-gf-won-t-communicate-me-when-she-s-mad

another good Rel Forum generally agreeing that Silent Treatment is Bad.

ok glad its not me whos going crazy hahahaha.

http://www.relationshiptalk.net/my-girlfriend-goes-silent-when-she-is-angry-767629.html

“My ex told me if i loved her and was in tune with her i should be able to read her mind. That was a sign for her that we weren’t meant to be.

I am the type that wants to talk it out, get it over, done and out of our system. She would never talk and when she did it was only half of what she was feeling. Since things didn’t ever get dealt with it would come back up and then I was accused of beating a dead horse.

http://www.relationshiptalk.net/the-silent-treatment-hurts.-how-to-make-my-girlfriend-talk-t…-21042324.html

copy and paste or try:

http://goo.gl/U15Dps

“Girlfriend won’t talk to me about our problems?”   https://answers.yahoo.com/question/index?qid=20110624124006AAsSobl&page=1

yeah i think “silent treatment” is a better term than “ghosting”. well i have not talked to her in like 6 weeks; have not seen her in 5.5 weeks, cuz for about 3 days we saw each other but did not talk.

and then there has been nothing from her, however its not truly NO CONTACT because I contacted her 3 times over that time.

last time was email4, which was about 2 weeks and 2 days ago. 16 days hahahaha.

so it really hasnt been NO CONTACT for very long. 16 lousy days. son of a bitch.

but that is a lot longer than some of these clingy weaklings manage.

thinking about going for a THIRD 2.8 miler.

http://www.loveshack.org/forums/breaking-up-reconciliation-coping/breaks-breaking-up/470829-all-new-2014-no-contact-guide

loveshack is really big about no contact.

i dunno i mean i will do no contact from my end now but i would respond totally if she contacted. because i would still want to COMMUNICATE UGHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH

because we did not have “good closure”

because i was begging and begging to talk and communicate and i never got any communication

but doesnt that mean we were fundamentally incompatible and SHOULDNT be together? that it was doomed to failure anyway?

doesnt mean i wouldnt want to give it a shot. besides maybe she LUVS me but just cant COMMUNICATE it hahahahaha. then she coudl SHOW it by wanting to spend time with me. so yeah i do NOT think she is secretly in lub with me but just doesnt know how to show it.

i am clearly the one hurting more to read these goddamn love forums like love shack and relationship talk. these are MAH PEEPZ. they know the PAIN of true luv. pages of real heartbreak, people taking MONTHS and YEARS to get over it, having to use NO CONTACT to get over someone. i am all in favor of no contact and very limited contact. god bless and have mercy on our poor souls. we need it.

we are the ones feeling more pain.

we are the ones who Loved More.

we are the ones who Got Dumped.

Therefore we cannot possibly be the Bad Guy.

well unless we ABUSED the person. but i dont think these people are abusers! much more likely to have experienced some kind of abuse. VICTIMS of abuse!

well it was kinda low level abuse and certainly not intentional, she doesnt know what she’s doing………but that still doesnt make it right. that moves her down to “MAN 1” in law and order speak. it was not premeditated or intentional but its still a CRIME OF THE HEART, where the heart is killed. by her. hahahaha.

JUST BEING DIRECT / PAINFUL REMINDER

aug 7

writing and writing. i am just going with the flow and hoping that by writing obsessively i will get it out of my system. i mean i cant do anything else but walkjog and i am doing that too.

just to be clear. i dont like sean hannity, i dont like bill o reilly, about the only mainstream journalists i might like are ann coulter and pat buchanan. possibly mark steyn and possibly glen beck. possibly breitbart. but i dont like zionists and think we should stop being such huge allies with israel. i do not trust that state of israel at all. obviously because i am a huge racist anti semite hahahaha a bigot, a jew hater. well i would be, as a huge basement dwelling virgin loser, i would be the perfect white neo nazi right.

which is why i dont want to get too much into politics, because i cannot have an informed opinion about anything because i am such an emotional loser, controlled by emotion and prejudice. so obsessed with women and luv and trying to make ends meet and get and hold down a 15DAHJob, that I cant think intelligently about anything else.

and right now thats true, i have no confidence in my ability to think intelligently about anything! hire me! date me!

why the hell cant a party run more than one candidate?

well they are replaying the debate so i better watch it and try to sleep and not have bad dreams. i actually have social plans tomorrow to see the young man friend from my job, my former job, and intend to have a good heart to heart talk with him. i do not expect him to really be able to give any advice per se. the best thing he can do is kinda sorta understand why i did what i did, and where im coming from. and as a man who obviously loves his own wife and they married young, i think he understands the idea of luv, and luvs his wife deeply in what i consider an ideal marriage.

he very well might try to convince me to come back. and this is why he kinda needs to know about the woman. i mean she is the reason i dont want to go back. that and it was a horrible job. and i am starting to think this whole thing was GODS Weird Mysterious Ways to get me to leave this job which he did not intend for me to have. wasnt meant to be. i mean this job CLEARLY wasnt meant to be and i am ok with that. a lot more than i am about accepting the fact me and the woman werent meant to be.

it just sucks that i used to be confident with some of my callers, fake confidence and fix their problems and make them happy, and do things i never thought i could do. i still dont know how i did it. but i could not fake that same confidence with the woman to make her like me hahahaha.

i guess you cant make someone like you. but i dont know. because its a fact women like confident, masculine men. and the more confident you are the more likely a woman would like you. and here i was really desperate for her to like me. not so much for being liked, but because i loved her, and wanted to be with her for at least a little while. at least a year or two hahahaha.

aug 8

met with male friend and i had decided to spill my guts because we have special connection between us which is almost gay and i dont care. about the potential gayness. i do care that he is a great person i can trust and he can trust me so in a way i am actually kind of intimate with him. we are both huge sensitive sissy niceguys but he has managed it better than me, and is able to cope with life, maintain relationships, have a Close Relationship with his partner, etc. and just as i spilled my guts to him and  it felt good to share that with someone who wasnt a shrink or family lol.  and he spilled some pretty heavy stuff on me too. nothing bad, just very interesting and kinda intense and something you dont tell somebody unless you damn trust them. so i was honored to be that person.  like i say, things are pretty special between me and this guy, it is not your conventional male on male friendship hahahaha. and might even look GAY to the outside observer.

indeed now i am thinking about things he said which of course i will not repeat here! which may allow me to change my perspectives on other peoples relationships. even if im not sure i could do the same thing myself. i dont really have to make those same kind of decisions thank god.

had one puff of medical herbs which did decrease my confidence and my communication skills, however it seems to have chilled me out after that was over. thankfully it was no more than one puff.

well i might be able to share things he said about my story. he told his stories about when he liked people and how he liked to tear the bandaid off pretty soon and just blurt it out by saying “hey i have a crush on you” and i liked that. which is of course what i should have done at an earlier time, my problem is that i was trying to meet in person to do that. he might have given me moral support that it was a little weird of her to not want to meet me at all, or unfriend and block me. maybe i just wanted that moral support that i wasnt crazy or weird for wanting to talk about the situation.

i admitted i was probably weird and pushy and ultimately scared her away, but he also gave the useful perspective that it’s not automatically pushy or weird, it’s simply wanting to be DIRECT. that was a positive spin and i cant really argue with it. absolutely i wanted to be DIRECT. thats how it started out. i wanted to talk about the issue directly and not just send these stupid signals back and forth. signals are ok and they can do the job, but they dont do it well in other words, they need to be fleshed out and backed up and supported by a direct talk, to talk about the damn signals and the feelings they are trying to communicate.

but i totally spilled the guts and rambled on the whole story for a whole hour, like talking to the shrink. if you find a person you can ramble to for an hour as honestly as you would to a shrink, uh thats a good sign. try to keep that friend in your life. it is good to be able to be close and honest like that with someone who is not a shrink or even family.

its funny. i had more talk with him in this one day than i ever did with her. if i could have only commuincated with her like that for a couple damn hours, well that probably wouldnt have changed anything, but it would have been a MUCH better ending than the super shitty disappointing ending we had. it would still be disappointing but i would have been happier knowing that we had at least had a Damn Exchange of thoughts. you can still have some sort of exchange even if your feelings are one-sided. you can still have a two-sided exchange of thoughts.

i dont know why i need this damn communication so much. its not like it would change the outcome. well because i think it would make the bad news easier to stomach, easier to work through, and when i reject people, i like to make it easy for them. its what i would have done, treating people like i want to be treated essentially. very simple.

its very hard to accept a cold freeze out, very hard to accept no talking whatsoever. i mean in terms of leading up to the end. of course now no contact makes perfect sense. im talking about before the actual end. that is the time to talk. i just wanted some vindication that i wasnt the bad guy for wanting to talk and that i was entitled to be a little upset about that.

a LITTLE upset? i completely went off the deep end though!

but its different when you have to see the person every day at your mentally demanding job where you need to focus.

in a way the mentally demanding job where you need to focus might be a GOOD thing if you are undergoing Home or Family or Relationship or Personal Life stress. you go to WORK to get away from the EVEN WORSE stress at home. hehehehe millions of people do this.

but when the two things are one and the same, the same environment, i personally cant get around that. my sensitive sissy feels are too much.

it also would have been different if i were on a higher level, if i were a level 2 or 3. then i wouldnt have done this. but there was no chance of me ever moving up from level 1 and i was a little angry about that too.

its just hilarious that i had a much much much better talk with HIM than i ever had with HER! both in quantity and quality, over just one afternoon of hanging out! I think that shows how little and how poor the communication with the woman was.

i dunno i just cant see how communication is such a bad thing. oh well maybe in certain situations it doesnt help. hehehe bullshit it would have helped me, and i dont think it would HURT her!

thats an ever better argument for my point: when is honest, direct, open communication more HURTFUL to a person than just shutting up and never talking?

the communication would have been GOOD for me, and it wouldnt have been THAT BAD for her. COME ON. REALLY. i have a do no harm life philosophy. i wasnt trying to talk to HURT HER. and i dont think the talk would have hurt her.

now my problem is in the past, i wanted to hurt people who hurt me. but they didn’t MEAN to hurt me, they just did anyway because of the rejection. but you dont WANT to hurt someone when you reject them. you just cant return their feelings thats all.

so maybe i could not WANT to hurt her by talking, but it still would have ended up hurting her anyway.

i dunno i dont think it would have hurt nearly as much as a damn rejection! she wasnt the one in damn luv, i was! i lost a lot more than she did here!

so she didnt mean to hurt me. ok fine. fair enough. but it still damn hurts to be around and see that person regularly. even if they didnt MEAN To hurt you. the rejection still hurt, and seeing them every say hurts because it is a painful reminder.

so yeah its on me, its a mark of my weakness, that, when i have to see the person, i get angry, and passive aggressive, and jealous, and bitter and resentful to see them happy and liking other people, even though they didn’t MEAN me any harm by not liking me. it still hurts to be around them and see them liking other people. when you kinda still like them in a hopeless way, when youre still not OVER them really. in a way you never get over them really, you just dont see them for years, or hopefully ever, and your heart scars over where it once loved them, and once you get the scar, you can move on to love someone else. and repeat the same tragic process hahahaha.

really am i such a bad weird guy because i prefer no contact to contact? and because i am prone to slip up and do stupid emotional shit when there is contact? its not good karma for me to give them pain sure, when they didnt intend me any pain. but my rationalization hahahaha is that even me being bitchy to them causes them less pain that what i suffered, whether they MEANT it or not. its not as painful as what i went through. they can damn handle it hahahaha. so they have to suffer the rejected beta male being a bitch. its a hell of a lot easier than being the rejected beta male! but its still bad karma though, because at that point, you’re kinda intending them a little pain, when they didn’t intend any pain for you.

but also they HAD to know it would cause you pain. sure you can not INTEND pain but there’s no way around that pain, pain is GONNA happen whether you want it to or not, and you cant just say its all on THEM because you did not intend the pain. Pain is just simply an inherent, unavoidable consequence of rejection, period, always and forever, that is a FACT. a TRUTH.

anyway it sucks to be a bad person and WANT to cause somebody pain. and i have been there. its like i wanted to punish them for just not leaving me alone after they rejected me. just leave me alone unless you want to Get Back Together!

(taylor swift is actually doing the mature thing by communicating with the 9000000 guys she fooked and whose hearts she broke by telling them in no uncertain ambiguous terms, “we are never ever ever getting back together.” )

well, in that case i felt like the woman had made a choice to put herself more in my social circles, a choice she didn’t have to make, so i was angry at her, when i inevitably saw her more often. that was 10 years ago hahahaha.  but in the current case, no choices are being made. she cant choose to leave me alone. and this is the best way i can really choose to leave her alone. also i have a better safety net and can get away with this.

also if i had a higher level job i wouldnt have done this. even if the person was there.

if the person were not there, we wouldn’t even have this situation. i would take a few mental health days, long weekend, stay in bed and cry for 4 days, then be thankful to go to work as a way to get my mind OFF that other shit.

but cant do that when the other shit is AT work. not implying that a person is shit, just that the situation is undeniably shitty!!!!!