WHEN YOU WANT IT DONE FAST *AND* RIGHT

april 5

http://bbs.dailystormer.com/t/women-running-5-dollar-tinder-scam-judenpresse-praises-them-as-heroes/96454

this guy eric striker i know ive liked some of his articles before. but this is a new low ahaha. i used to think my great business idea was to pay normie, non-hooker women to hang out with you and pretend to be interested in you. hangout hookers or hug hookers or cuddle hookers. pay 50 bucks for 15 minutes of cuddling, that kind of thing, to get kind of a GFE from a woman who was not an ACTUAL hooker.

so whats happening now is that normie, nonhooker, 20 year tinder slut college gurls are just saying send me 5 bucks and see what happens.

NOTHING. its actually pretty smart but TOTALLY jooish. of course men will pay for any hint of a woman and here we have a young attractive gurl who actually is taking advantage of that. she is getting hundreds of dollars a week from one slutty picture. DAMN.

you could probably also shake your CLOTHED tits and ass on camera and make a few hundred a week doing that. its kinda less slutty than actually fooking the guy or showing your tits. but it is very very very jooish and i wouldnt want a wife who did any of that shit.

im not even paying attention to the news. apparently trvmp is cucking and selling out to his joo kushner hahahah. and jooing over god emperor bannon. bannon kicked off security council. trvmp cucking to israel so they can use isis to take over syria and grab more land for israel hahaha.

i dont understand why israel just cant like take over a yuge part of syria right now and without the US’s involvement. i mean they are rich and they have bombz.

something about syrian gas attack, assad gassing children, and now trump needs to support israel in attacking assad and liberating syria or some shit

what if the US goes into syria and wipes out assad AND isis?  would that be ok? well i think actually assad is super dangerous because he is a legit threat to israel. kind of.

ok so russia is backing assad…..

israel is backing isis…..

US is on the fence….

iran….backing assad???

saudi arabia….backing isis??? because saudis are a joo puppet?? i cant remember hahahaha

so ivanka aka “yael” is totally jooed and her and kushner are manipulating daddy into war with russian and iran. that is the idea. and make shitloads of money off that war.

heh. well iran is pretty useless but it would be heartbreaking to go to war with RUSSIA. no more wars with whites. but i thought russia was jooed too?

there is a new guy on DS claiming to be a Washington Insider who worked to get Trvmp in, and is now feeling betrayed by stuff thats going on right now in that vein. nationalists like bannon on the way out, zionists and neocohens like kushner on the way up.

http://bbs.dailystormer.com/t/bannon-kicked-off-national-security-council-wtf-is-this-shit/96768/

this story. some black pilling shit here hahaha. havent been wathcing news.

havent been reading GLR!

so this is trump softening and selling out to the joo basically, letting us all down. i guess its not surprising and we should enjoy the good times while they lasted. well we did!

so yeah i guess today was a big day. i have not watched any MSM yet, only read daily stormer forums and a lot of action on these stories. not really a bad way to get news hahaha althoguth this news does not sound good from here.

jordan is on the side of the joos.

so ww3 is going to be us, israel, jordan, saudi?, the joo N, the E Joo, vs syria, russia, china, iran?

and russia is going fly nukes into the US? i guess thats the plan hahahaha.

basically i am seeing shit TURNING for the first real time today. i mean i need to sleep on this a few nights like i do with anything thats even a medium deal.

so kushner is controlling trvmp thru daddys little gurl. yeah i mean it makes sense. i always knew that was gonna be a Chink in the Armour.  just wasnt sure how or when it would play out.

some people are full blown the end is near, you need to be prepping with food and ammo and gunz cuz there will be blood in the streets in the US

sheeeeeeeeit i guess i will be sorry for not being serious about prepping.

george feels having drama with some autistic tomboy weight lifting gurl he liked. then some stupid shit happened and she talked shit about him, he possibly talked shit about her, i dont care, im on georges side here hahaha. i am slowly raising my bet on him hahahaha.

pretty sure i am too old to be drafted into war for ZOG hahaha.

but i wont be able to defend muh fambly from negros and arabs when the power goes out for a month and people cant get gas or electric or food. so nonwhite mobs will roam the streets with gunz and we will need to protect our homes and families with gunz.

unless these are jooish anti-trump SHILLS trying to turn people against trump hahahaha with joo lies i mean i wouldnt be surpirsed by that either

whatever it is, i am certain the j’s are behind it. prove me fookin wrong.

some might think i am a J because I am so vehmently anti-j hahahaha. there’s really i can say to that except to tell you one of my best qualities is my GOOD FAITH. you can trust me to come in good faith and tell you what i believe is the truth. i might not be courageous to stand up for the truth though! but i come in good faith 99.99999999% of the time.

im not even RIGHT all of the time. but i will in good faith admit when i am wrong. shit i am wrong about 50% of things. and the other 50% of times, i just confused and Just Dont Know.

But I do know that I am right about these J’s. they have to go back.

Esp funny, since the vast majority of Actual Joos I’ve met in my life have been pretty much decent people. even the slutty leftist jooish women. they weren’t Evil People. I don’t THINK.

But the Joos as a WHOLE GROUP, have caused so much damage it cant be denied.

h0l0c0st denier? how about h0l0c0st TRUTH denier HAHAHAHAHAHAHA

most of the individual jooz i’ve met have been ok-to-pretty-darn-good people. but my problem is with the GROUP, not some individuals of the group, and their whole GROUP needs to go back. period. the good does not outweigh the bad.

they have turned our men into phaggots and our women into mudshark whores. they are a CANCER to our people. this has been going on for THOUSANDS of years in MANY different countries of goys.

http://bbs.dailystormer.com/t/man-captures-images-of-jews-shape-shifting-in-and-out-of-their-white-disguise/96044

eric striker muh lad another great article hehehehe

THEY ADMIT IT THEMSELVES!!!! this is one thing that finally sold me. the PRETEND to be hwyte when they are apologizing for how evil and racist hwytes are, my fellow hwytes, you dont GET to tone police PoCs on the the systematic racism of police brutality……and then sooner or later, oy vey im jooish! and having pizza and wine for purim. oy vey! there are many atheist jews, its not just a religion! except when it is!

GLR is talking about this exact thing in WP on page 125 or so.  They are CONSTANTLY SHAPE SHIFTING and Shedding Skin whenever it suits them, between 3 main forms: a RELIGION, a RACE, and a NATION. we’re not this, we’re that! we’re not that, we’re this now!

you anti semite! you wouldnt say all catholics or all lutherans!

you anti semite! muh shoah, muh 6 gorillion!

the goddamn CHUTZPAH!!!!!!!!

HE CRIES OUT AS HE STRIKES YOU!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

that eric striker article above points this out brilliantly. curating some tweets from wagner clemente soto. who was following ME back in 2011 when i had a semi-political, semi-racial twitter. i was proto-alt-right in 2011 hahahahahahahhahahahahaha.

my fellow hwytes, we all benefit from hwyte privilege, and heres why, and we dont get to tone police and we dont get to tell PoCs how to feel bla bla bla bla. ALWAYS a joo! well….not always. I’ve seen actual hwyte people who talk like this. damn THOSE are SAD!

april 6

hmm still watching this twin peaks pilot. this is confusing af. i watched all of twin peaks once, all the way thru, one episode after the other, like 13 years ago.

shit i forgot about the race mixing with sheriff truman and the chinee bitch who had race mixed prior with the superrich capitalist mr packard. why do these powerful white men fall for this gold digging chinee skank?

theres some other degenerate stuff like laura palmers secret life, but thats not GLORIFIED like this race mixing. and the chinee woman is portrayed as all WISE and SERIOUS and PROFOUND and DEEP and important and respected and respectable. to be fair, she does have a low energy demeanor and is not all shrill……but marrying a superrich wood baron? come on. its obvious.

but yeah there is so much going on here. i dont remember ANY of this.

also i dont think its really fair to say good clean SMALL TOWN GOYIM are  THIS degenerate. youre WRONG about that DAVID LYNCH. sometimes people just ARE squeaky clean. I guess dale cooper and sheriff truman represent that. fine. i mean i can tell lynch APPRECIATES that nondegenness. i just think he appreciates the degen a little too much!

so am I against the lesbian shit in mulholland dr, one of muh fav movies of all time?

man. i can live with ditching woody allen, but i would be SAD about having to ditch dave lynch.

I really hope he doesnt joo out with the NEW twin peaks. that is the biggest thing he’s done in 10 years and it might be the last thing he ever does because he is getting OLD. i hope it isnt totally jooed. im sure it will be a LITTLE jooed because the ORIGINAL was a little jooed in 1990.

ok. had a dream last night with THAT WOMAN. i was talking to her and trying to get her to pay attention to me but she was ignoring me. this kinda happened in real life too. i just really hated being ignored by her. i know how that sounds. makes me the bad guy who always NEEDS something. and yeah i WAS that a bit too much.

anyway in dream she turned around suddenly and snapped, “I REALLY, REALLY, REALLY hope you get the help you so desperately need for your ANXIETY ISSUES.” then turned immediately back around and resumed ignoring me.

that was interesting. it basically says, no i DONT really care, take your stupid ISSUES and leave me alone.

which i guess is prob what she WAS actually thinking.

at THAT time, I WAS filled with severe anxiety about everything! now, not so much, thank GOD. I’m doing OK with ANXIETY, thank GOD. but negative attitude is still RAAAAAAGING.

dream did not ruin day. her appearance was very very brief. nowhere NEAR as bad as the dream i had with her like 5 days ago.

but yeah lesson is, NEVER be passive agressive with women. they hate it, and you hate it too. just rip the band aid off and say what you wanna say and get it over with.

had fairly unproductive day.  because people aren’t expecting me to create/publish/deliver something every 20 minutes, i can get away with procrastinating on shit. tasks that i SHOULD BE doing, but i get STUCK like a deer in headlights and just start clicking tabs. I’m not even ENJOYING the procrastination. I WANT to be doing my task. it would HELP if somebody were ON MY ASS every 20 minutes saying, lemme see where you are at here. ok, this isn’t working, so you do this now.

when this is not how normie adults work! they are self-starting!

so now I gotta play CATCH UP over the weekend. and get to a point by monday that I feel  I SHOULD have gotten to today. and then some, as a show of good will. good faith. extra added value.

so yeah. i can see why ANYONE hate passive aggressive wimpy shit, and i only ever do it with women, not men, and i do it because i am SCARED to say whats REALLY on my mind. never again.

sucks to be so red pilled you cant even enjoy twin peaks any more! shit remember the MOVIE was een more degenerate! remember that david lynch is kinda a pervert that likes to show tits and ass!

so he’s always been kinda jooed, but its DISAPPOINTING because you know he’s a goy at heart.  and in many ways luvs his inner goy as he should. but he also needs to defoo the joo within, and i dont think he will, if he hasn’t by age 75 or however old he is. the new twin peaks will prob be jooed wtih plenty of tits, ass, and dark sleazy jooish degeneracy.

but it will DEF get lots of people talking about david lynch, prob the most they ever did since the LAST twin peaks 26 years ago. i mean REALLY. how many people saw inland empire, let alone people like me who saw it literally 10 times.

however there is no one else ever who has tapped into this Scary Dark place that Lynch has. it is very primordial and very very terrifying, i guess i like that sense of fear.

and joos live their lives that way and want us to too. to be thrown in that black jooish void of chaos, fear, terror, horror. perhaps lovecraft was also getting at this. and lovecraft def knew the deal with the J’s! could lynch maybe do a good lovecraft story? MAYBE. MAYBE. but i cant see lynch adapting other people (see dune) and i cant see lovecraft being made into a film. even a crazy lynch film.

but yeah. even in “squeaky clean” 1990 twin peaks, where 99.999999% of people are whyte except for the chinee and a few injuns, people dress like its 1950, they still all do degen shit like Cheating and Cocaine and Fornication.

High school kids that are 25 years old and cheating and fooking and doing coke! come on!

EVERYBODY is cheating on their husband or wife! I forgot about this aspect.

It’s nice that it shows women are dirty heartless bitches….but the men are no better! they are just as sleazy….and even STUPIDER.

COME ON DAVE!!!!!!

i mean its not like i didnt know what twin peaks WAS. and that it was like this 26 YEARS ago.

is The Subconscious Inherently Jooish? I don’t know. I don’t think so, even though a lot of jooish shit IS subconscious, like everything Freud talked about. your subconscious wants to fook your own mother. have your mother peg you with a strapon. jooish bullshit like that.

like your (((((((id)))))))) is at core, this jooish hideous thing ….. or at best, just a muh dick negro!

no theres a hwyte PERSPECTIVE on the subconscious, that you have this noble core, or maybe some kind of shared European Subconscious.

heh. i wish lynch would use his transcendental meditation to meditate more on THIS. on his hwyte soul. he obviously is getting into some very deep corners of the soul. just wish he could show more of the good hwyte parts.

so no I dont believe he is racially aware and I would love for him to be.

he’s always been one of muh favorite filmmakers. but so was woody allen. who ive since disavowed. i would not be so HAPPY about disavowing lynch because he’s far less jooish than allen.

another great example. harmony korine. he made two excellent movies, gummo and julien donkey boy. i have seen both many, many times. i guess you could say he is a more jooish form of lynch! when i was young i had no concept of korine being jooish. in fact, i bet he might not even be obsessed with his own jooishness!

but after you are redpilled, you cant help, why is this Actual Joo showing Goys in such pathetic, degenerate ways? the horrible destroyed, broken, twisted, jooed people of those two movies.

when you’re young you enjoy it because you were EDGY and i bet he felt the same way when he was young and MADE the movies!

i didnt keep up with his later stuff. i wanted to, but he was SO inactive and eventually i lost interest. “mister lonely” was ok but nothing classic.

i did watch some fassbinder on his recommendation, guess fassbinder was a big influence on him. and guess what, fassbinder is i THINK hwyte but he MIGHT AS WELL be J. wont lie, i liked some of his stuff though. i actually watched about 33% of berlin alexanderplatz and it was pretty good. i was only starting to get redpilled then. not sure how i would have viewed the nazi element of that movie.

oh shit he did that movie ali fear eats the soul which was totally degenerate: an old white woman falls in luv with a big black arab buck ali. i think he was a BERBER from MOROCCO.

or this other one where fassbinder essentially played himself, a degen phaggot hungry for c0ck.

see, fassbinder is nothing to GLORIFY.

and neither is korine. but i can’t deny that JDB, I watched that movie MANY times during my youth and it left a BIG impression. TOO big, probably.

i’ve more or less disavowed korine and doing so didnt disappoint me so much as if i had to disavow lynch, was what i was getting at.

but the location of twin peaks is GREAT. SUPER hwyte. you really want to BE there. i am looking at maps of washington state trying to find a town that is most like twin peaks.

interesting that lynch has made great work both in the Urban and more Rural settings. i of course thinks he needs to crush the urbanite parts of himself. less LA and more missoula montana man.

i hate to think that FILM ITSELF is INHERENTLY jooish……but it HAS been TAINTED by jooish influence since the VERY beginning.

i havent had much desire to watch tv or movies the past couple of YEARS. i just have shit on as background noise while i am neckbearding on internet. blogging about joos and failure and women. losing at poker. reading white power and 1489 stuff hahahah.

heh. took 1 benedryl and 1 valium already so…mind is getting cloudy and tired, cant BLOG too much hehe.

but yeah dont like that my WORK was compromised today because i was so scatterbrained and indecisive. i couldnt GET AWAY with this at a REAL job. i would be FIRED.

so now, for doing BAD today, i need to do an equal amount of GOOD, OFF the clock, to REPAY them, and to “save” myself and my job.

in the real world, you run ragged all day SLAMMED with work being super busy all day…..then you play CATCH UP at home and on weekends, doing MORE work so that you looks even more productive, and can me unreasonable standards and not get fired.

you dont get to relax and do things related to you or or family. you must nervously do MORE WORK to try to stop from getting sucked under in the undertow.

and you CERTAINLY dont get a whole day to SLACK OFF just clicking through a bunch of TABS and not really PRODUCING anything because youre just like well I DUNNO HOW TO DO THIS REALLY and now muh mind is going blank. maybe i should go on DISABILITY because MUH ISSUES have made me UNABLE TO WORK hahahahahahahaha.

there was one time IRL where that woman did turn and snap at me. i was whining like a beotch about a tuff day at the job hoping she would commiserate with me, that it was tuff for her to, and we could both bond over hating the job, and i sounded like a weak bitch, and she snapped LEAVE. PLEASE LEAVE. which was the most direct thing she ever said to me. i was shocked. i mean it totally makes sense, i totally understand why she did it.

and when our rel ended she essentially did the same thing but did not even say 2 words. but yeah that first time was like a prelude. i was hoping she would apologize for that but no i of course apologized LIKE A BITCH. STOP APOLOGIZING. NEVER APOLOGIZE. especially not out of weak desperation. i was in a pathetic, desperate, helpless, hopeless state. that is my excuse hahahaha. sometimes i GET really hopeless and desperate hahaha.

but yeah in that first snapping i was hoping for more sympathy, an apology, something that she was trying to see it from my side and not trying to be a bitch hahahaha. since i never got that, i feared she thought the worst of me when she really dumped me.

but yeah th edream wasnt that bad. i was much more frustrated by not being able to make any progress on my work. it was more like i was autistic because i couldnt visualize how the end product would look, so i could barely even muddle through on Just Doing Something until it Started To Look Like Something. i KNOW thats the best way to appoach this and I still didnt do it. was i scared? i was more distracted than SCARED. although i would have been just as unproductive if id been scared/anxious/nervous.

but yeah gonna sleep well tonight. still have 2 benedryls left to take haha. plenty of people at card table right now. too bad i am so tired. could literally go to sleep right now. it is start of muh weekend. muh longass nonnormie weekend.

well i CAN tell you that the MUSIC of twin peaks stands the test of time. great, great music. been listening to the soundtrack a lot in past few months, and i think there is some extra stuff in the actual show. and its all good. love every piece of music on there. no jooish bullshit. i had a surprising vision of Being In A Band and playing the “Mr Cool Theme” with them. this is the Cool Jazzy theme with the fingersnaps and what may be a marimba. i dont know what the official name of the song is.

but yeah all the boys are muh dick white negro jock chads fooking all the slutty staceys. except they are one upping the boys in evil, by getting some strange k0ch from pure evil satanic jooish outsiders from a primordial void hahaha. so yeah thats kind of nice seeing these evil women. but the men are degen and dumb. except for dale cooper. and sheriff truman except for his ABSOLUTELY DISGUSTING YELLOW FEVER. goddamn that always rustles and triggers me. i cant recall any other yellow fever in lynch’s stuff, or any race mixing for that matter.

i dunno. i just dont think it ROTS THE SOUL to watch a basically good goy playing with some jooish degen, as it does to watch some hand rubbing merchants actively crafting the most degen shit they can because it projects their filthy souls and destroys goys souls.

http://bbs.dailystormer.com/t/for-the-sake-of-all-that-is-good-female-sexual-choice-must-be-suppressed/96932

interesting

breaking news, trump firing 50 tomohawk missiles at syrian air base RIGHT NOW, it has BEGUN, trvmp starting a WAR FOR JOOZ.

the missiles could be fake news tho hahahaha

joo don rickles dead at 90 today

i guess the tomahawk thing is on live tv news right now. just looking at twitter. will turn news on in about 30 minutes, watch 5 minutes, then got to sleep haha.

so…..just to be clear. i mean i would probably support US going in and bombing the shit out of ISIS. but how many normies understand he’s not bombing isis, he’s bombing assad, who isis is fighting against? so technically we on isis’s side here. and i guess israel would rather have isis in power than assad. not sure how or why assad has been such a Strong Bulwark against Israel.

Because assad has made alliances with China, Russia and Iran?????

bbbbut wont Trumps BASE be against this? trump supporters arent gonna like this any more than hillary supporters! i just dont get it!

apr 7

john thicc

i dont know why, i just found this meme funny. probably because this new black text word THICC is so ridiculous. you text a white mudshark slut DAYUM GURL DAT AZZ THICC  😂 😂 😂 💯💯💯

and then beautiful dumb 25 year ol white gurls with no children bend their thicc azz over for your BBC and let you fook them and give them their first of many sprog bastards ahahahahaha

spent like 15 minutes trying to refind that meme on daily stormer bbs hehehehe.

the great WEEV has been moved to make a video on it. havent watched it yet but I guess he’s saying something like i would say: lets give a few more days and see how this plays out, maybe its 4D chess hhahahaha, although it looks really bad right now, like trvmp is selling out. lets give him one chance hahahaha.

got like 10:30 of sleep which seems to be “normal” for nonwork nights as opposed to around 7 hours when i am getting up at 5am. which I do not complain about. 5am is a RESPECTABLE time to get up and makes me more normie, more winner, sheeeit i SHOULD get up at 5am on non work days just to make me a better, hwyter man! its a very hwyte, principled, ubermensch, hyperborean time to get up! its when hard working men of action, men with hwyte wives and families get up, at the latest!

actually REAL ubermensches get up at 3 am. THREE AM.

im not even really GETTING up at 5am. at 5am my alarm rings and I just watch tv news from 5 to 5:30 and drink coffee and try to not fall back asleep hahaha. the time passes REALLY quickly. nrmally 30 minutes do not pass this fast.

GOT to do some errands today. might do to walmart and buy new blue pants. really LUV their GEORGE 12 dollar pants. have 2 pair already and they are both awesome. figure why not buy 1 more.

the pants are damn near perfect. they look kind of underwhelming but then look and fit great when you put them on. absolutely no buyers remorse ever here. thank GOD. i am tempted to just stock up in case they stop making these pants, so i can have replacements when they wear out.

heh. cable tv watchathon right now. they have the orig twin peaks series. wonder if they have netflix movies. i wonder if they have the turin goddamn horse hahahahaha

hmm i could watch my other fav movie mulholland drive right now. do not have turin horse. not really surprised there.

i am doing laundry so not totally neckbearding.

debating whether to get haircut today. i SHOULD but I might not.

trump thing is weird. now the JY Slimes is reporting how “far right white nationalists and the alt right” are turning against trump because these far right racists are anti-war hahahaha.

funny when the FAR RIGHT are antiwar! hahahaha.

well i think they always HAVE been. its only EVER been NEOCOHENS who ever WANTED war! quite literally, jooz start all the wars in the world! well, in the modern world at least. since world war 1 at least hahaha.

like i said, trump supporters dont support this move, hillary and bernie supporters dont support this move. you have to ask, who DOES support it?

WHO, INDEED. TO ASK THE QUESTION IS TO ANSWER IT.

I guess that might redpill normies.

i mean NO ONE is saying this is a great idea. the best you get is, lets sleep on it a few days and see if it might play out well in the world of 4d chess. which it might. this is kind of where I am at. if it leads to a pattern of jooish trick after jooish trick, WHICH IT WELL MIGHT, then we can officially disavow trump and weep bitter tears of butthurt.

sheeit laundry is done.

ok folded and put away white t shirts. whites load hahahaha. there is actually a russian hwyte power band called whites load hahahahahahaha.

its possible the average normie amerifat might think syria is synonymous with isis, so that this attack is a good thing, because its an attack against isis. i agree that WOULD prob be a good thing!

but syria is NOT isis! syria is basically assad and HE is AGAINST isis! he is also pro-russia, pro-iran, and very anti-israel.

but arent ISIS anti-israel too?  i think they THREATEN israel much less than assad though.

but doesnt isis threaten us in the increasingly non-whitening West becuase ALL the terror attacks in the west are isis related?

assad supports syrian christians against slaughter by isis.

its safe to say all trump supporters want to see isis destroyed.

what if trump destroyed both assad AND isis?

would there then be a “power vacuum” which israel/US would then fight russia/iran over?

so in other words, assad is the only thing preventing WORLD WAR 3, and the US directly attacked him?

if i were smart enough to get into HARVARD i might UNDERSTAND all of this. i could just be a black and write #blacklivesmatter 100 times on my application essay and get into harvard hahahahha.

i should be more worried about me being Frozen and Unproductive at muh job. i might not be fired but i would def be Frowned Upon and Shunned and perhaps try to be Pressured to Quit hahahaha. but wouldnt they then give me GOOD references, because they want me OUT?

ok im gonna go to walmart, just walmart. i have a gift card anyway. its gonna be full of blacks and arabs though!

maybe i should try going to the “better” walmart?

i mean i HAVE to spend this WALMART gift card at specifically WALMART.

what would JOHN THICC do hahahaha that is the stupidest shit i have ever seen.

lets just fookin GO and get this over with. ok i did another mini chore. done. tried to do another mini chore involving a phone call, called them, they were out to damn lunch. a phone call about health care billing, hahahah talk about a lose lose situation. basically i am paying for a doctors office visit for what I think is In Full at the time of the visit, then I get a bill from the Health System 2 months later saying I owe MORE, like a Lot more. this happens every time, and every time I call the dr’s office and they “clear it up.” something about the communication between the doctors office and the health care System Billing Dept. I dont know whose fault it is. THEY probably dont know whos fault it is. i mean it looks unprofessional on both of them imho but as long as i can make one phone call and not have to pull teeth and speak to managers…shit its exactly the type of phone call I would HATE getting and HATE explaining…..because there IS no explanation! situations normal – all fooked up! that’s the explanation!

god almighty i would never want to work in medical billing, can you even imagine how jooish and horrible that is? jooish insurance companies and jooish hospitals all trying to joo poor patients as much as possible in ridiculously confusing, jooish ways, and who does the billing but single mom mudsharks and 80 IQ blacks when it would take 120 IQ just to understand the jooish complexities of this needlessly complex billing!

heh. get a masters degree in medical billing. that job might even be in demand. you might even make 18 bucks an hour with that one!

listen man i can do some calculus integrals and some CompSci 202 level coding, but i cant do basic bitch 11 dollar an hour medical billing and insurance questions! those are CONFUSING AF!!!!!!! the people taking those calls all day should be making at LEAST 18 dollars an hour, if not 20 hahaha.

call the doctors office, they said the billers werent in on fridays and to plz call back monday. HUH????? ok fine.

i have noticed a Pain Point for your business hahaha. I would solve it by having a Student Intern take billing phone calls on fridays for FREE hahahahaha. or, hire a negro or mudshark for 9 dollars an hour and have them be totally incompetent hahaha.

i just feel SORRY for these low level employees who arent TRAINED properly. there is a local political controversy where this elected official’s office is in total disarray, and all the new employees under them have no idea what they are doing. they are all young, poor, blacks making 11 dollars an hour, prob part time no benefits, and customers write to the local paper saying the Help Is Incompetent, nobody knows what they are doing, nobody is trained, what used to take you 5 minutes under the previous administration now takes an hour, its disgraceful.

i sympathize with the poor slobs on the frontlines trying to help people with their confusing questions! they are probably going to ask for a manager, but the manager is out to a looooooong lunch with crooked italian contractors getting drunk at the titty bar!

well at least italians are hwyte hahahahahahha. but these are the very sicilian nonwhyte arab looking italians always hhahaha. no thank you!

the sad thing is i know i applied for like 3 jobs in this department. it was prob a revolving door of people quitting or getting fired because the management is SO BAD it has become a PUBLIC SCANDAL in the local news.

well a lot of the people are unfirable, union tho.

its confusing. hire a 80 IQ negro to splain it to me for 9 dollars an hour hahaha.

see what i mean? TRAINING. I think even 80 iq people could do this if TRAINED properly. also, 120 people are still going to struggle if they dont have the correct INFORMATION to do the job. PLUS, its hard even for SMART people to answer Tuff Problems if they are being Pressured by Angry Assholes to work faster, do better.

they dont prepare you for this in skool or college and they should.

Hire ME. when you want it done fast AND done right. it doesnt matter what it is.

that is gonna be my new calling card. I do things fast AND right. everything.

ok got back from WALMART. i am happy to have accomplished something today. do one thing every day hahahaha. the place was absolutey FULL of blacks. some arabs but even more blacks. to the store managers credit, the store LOOKED just fine. clean and organized. got some great 12 dollar george pants, the best pants ever. again these pants are so good i should buy EXTRA. its HARD to find good pants let along GREAT pants. also found nice Faded Glory T Shirt with stripes on it. i like T shirts with some sort of design like stripes on it. this is remarkably hard to find.

did a first and bought the walmart brand BEEF. 80 20. i was wary but the beef looked all right. it was all in 2.25 pound packs for…. 6.94 each.  this is 3.08 per pound. not bad. with this I will make juicy 3 oz meatballs hahahaha and with those make THICC meatball burgers hahahaha.

😂  👌👌👌

fookin BLAX hhahaha. BLACK MEMES are essentially what these are. emojis. ebonics in text form.

used up my gift card at walmart. place was so full of blacks. i survived but my god the customers. the people of walmart. made me want to try another walmart next time.

my usual store is a supermarket like walmart but its generally hwyter, definitely better PEOPLE there. going to the closest walmart is like going to baltimore or some shit hahahaha. i am thankful my immediate area and my local supermarket are largely still hwyte. i care about these things. i am racially aware hahahahah.

the other thing that sucks about walmart is that they dont have small hand baskets like i usually use. today they didnt even have the small pushcarts, just the large pushcarts. so i had to grab everything and hold it in muh bare bear arms hahahaha.

heh what the hell is the “deep state”. seeing this term being thrown around a lot. probably just means the jooz like kushner controlling trump hahahaha.

globalists. well i mean thats a good way to describe da jooz. so i am all for people talking about the evil globalists! i mean the term has gone mainstream!

http://bbs.dailystormer.com/t/an-extremely-unfortunate-turn-of-events/97362

anglin’s semi official statement on the syrian thing

http://www.dailystormer.com/duke-striker-on-the-jewish-elites-role-in-the-usa-drug-epidemic/

looks like eric striker who wrote that EXCELLENT article on the opioid epidemic and a number of other great articles on DS, has had a talk with david duke on his opioid article. who the hell is this striker, he has a lot of potential hehehe.

see some thing in local paper about high school in very hwyte semi rural redneck area and there is a young man with a 4.0 gpa who loves the high school auto repair/tech program and now he is gonna go to college to do an engineering degree in something diesel related. he seemed like a healthy happy normie. i was jelly of the young man who at age 17 says, i wanna do my career in DIESEL. design and build huge diesel engines. which there is huge money in this. repairing engines of 600000000000 dollar pieces of mining equipment which have huge diesel engines. huge machinery and engines normies cant even THINK of.

but he clearly got his interest in diesel from doing his high school auto tech program.

then i am jelly my high school didnt have an auto program because they were trying to prepare everyone for UNIVERSITY. then i think, if they had an auto program, would I have done it? if they HAD an hvac or auto or welding or electrician or cnc machining or some sort of trade program…..would I have done it????? its impossible to say.

this is possibly the best taake song and captures everything great about his style. it is very masculine and high energy. yet also grim. i cant rightfully call it “cold” cuz its very hot-blooded. also rather than repeating one riff 60000000 times like boortzum, he crams 6000000000 riffs into one song like technical death metal or something. BUTTTTTTTTT all those riffs flow PERFECTLY. the amount of air guitaring, air drumming i do throughout basically this whole song is insane. it only slows down in the last 30 seconds.

i will be obnoxiously calling for this song at the taake concert and hopefully will rustle hoest’s jimmies hahahahahahahaha.

so yeah i am happy about the walmart george 12 dollar pants. flat front, classic/normie fit, at that perfect intersection of looking fancy but not super fancy, and a cotton/polyester blend so they are both light and soft. best fooking pants ever.

https://www.walmart.com/ip/15024506?wmlspartner=wlpa

these are the pants, i’m 90% sure hahahaha. buy 4 pair right now and thank me later. i have gray, khaki, and now blue. i am tempted to get the black ones too.

WHAT WOULD JOHN THICC DO?

heh this is really a shit tier meme that wont ever take off, only i think its funny because its so goddamn bad.

also the faded glory striped tshirt is great. fooking great. this is why i like walmart. nice clothes for a nice price. i mean its way more expensive than the thrift store, but i rarely find anything good at the thrift store.

http://bbs.dailystormer.com/t/11-year-old-boy-kills-self-after-gf-fakes-death-i-blame-single-motherhood/97270/

great comments hahahaha

every link i link is to daily stormer hahaha.  i am not anti TRS, i jsut am taking a temp break from them.

never do you find a dog that fires his owner because he wants to find a better owner. leaves his owner for seemingly greener pastures. i am trying to make a point about women hahahaha. dogs are loyal, women are not like dogs, women know no loyalty hahahaha and that sucks.

well they are loyal to brute strength arent they? i mean didnt we conclude that this all MADE SENSE? if YOU could get preggers wouldnt you stop being loyal to your PROTECTOR as soon as he showed he wasnt STRONG enough to protect you any more?

seeing all this stuff about “greater israel” which i guess is what israel wants to expand to, to basically go all the way to the persian gulf, take over large areas of syria, iraq, and saudia arabia, probably pick up a lot of oil in the process.

ever wonder why you never see an ISIS attack in israel??? hehehehehe.

👌

hahahaha

oh yeah. so lets say you go to normie degen high school. wouldnt you HAVE to see a few white mudshark slut girls, even if there were only 2 black kids in your school? they would certainly be banging white sluts.

in other words, maybe most (hwyte) men HAVE personally experienced mudhsharks, ie personally known women who have done it.

but were they CLOSE to them? did they really KNOW the women? did they CARE about them and WANT them? only to be brutally rejected for the mud? or were they just that dirty pathetic mudshark ho over there, it never really affected you on a deep level, never helped you become racially redpilled?

i mean i never met any mudsharks until i was like 25 years old simply because i didnt know many women. and if the few women i had met prior to that were fooking blacks…..well i just didnt KNOW about it.

i mean you gotta KNOW the women well enough to at least know WHO they are fooking. do you even know HALF the women you know that well?

oh shit so every women is a mudshark unless proven otherwise hahahaha guilty until proven innocent.

hahaha no but seriously, i would say innocent until proven guilty. and its not like i had to do cia shit with these women. they POST the shit on FACEBOOK!

yeah but im not on facebook anymore so how am i gonna do mudshark recon? well i figure just ask any women i get to know personally. jsut ask them. half the time they will be truthful. yeah ive been with blacks what it to you? you a racist or something? yes i am, now gtfo mudshark!

 

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ABG ALWAYS BE GRATEFUL

mar 8

sheeeeeeit. well i have cut muh cigaret smoking down by like 80% and dont really feel any cravings. so i am thankful for that.

OR AM I????

hhahahhahaha. maybe im not ACTUALLY thankful ENOUGH!

anyway. maybe i want to do MJ less because for a while i had moar privacy which would make WANTON use of MJ possible…..if i had any. that privacy is now gone, meaning even if i had some, it would be much more difficult to get out and use it. it could still be done, it would just be 3 times as hard.

i mean i would still do it. i would just do it less. MY POINT IS, I’M GRATEFUL that my DESIRE to use has decreased, in direct result of my OPPORTUNITY to use being limited. Since I know it’s less of a POSSIBILITY, i WANT it less.

anything that could make me WANT it less is a good thing. well, short of something thats even worse of course. like jerking off to porn 24/7. shit it would be better to just sm0ke mj.

ABG. ALWAYS BE GRATEFUL.

i would have told my younger self to never do MJ. never drink. dont go away to college. just stay at home, dont drink, dont do mj, do a stem degree, and if you dont want to do a stem degree, then do a business degree. use VIDYA if you want some form of drug to escape the “boredom” or despair.

humbling to think that VIDYA is a better alternative than Porn or Drugs or Alcohol.

but is drugs and alcohol worse than PORN? probably.

so MJ is worse than PORN?

YES.

hehehehe. damn. then how can i WANT it so bad?

i mean its apples and oranges really. its not worse than porn. it CAN be though. if you never watch porn and you always sm0ke mj. which would be the risk situation for me hahahaha. i mean i will never watch porn again. no desire to. i am DONE with that jooish filth. wish i could say the same about mj hahaha. but its not inherently jooish filth. it is pretty negrish tho hahahaha. nonwhite. arabs on hashish and such. africans and natives on MJ.

i played final fantasy 12 for 80 hours. those were 80 well spent hours. i dont regret doing it one bit. it was a great, fun, beautiful world. i would have spent those 80 hours better if i were job searching for a better job at the time. if i had spent that 80 hours in SKOOL, that would have been WORTHLESS. 80 hours of schoolwork will get you NOWHERE in life. 80 hours of schoolwork – reading, studying, homework, tests – gets you NOTHING. it gets you like 1 credit hour at best. 1/130th closer to a degree. 80 hours of job search will at least get you like 5 job interviews at least, and that’s worth something real.

but yeah its AMAZING what a WASTE of good time EDUCATION is. its LITERALLY just as bad as smokin WEED or looking at PORN. THAT is the true value of EDUCATION. isnt that DISGUSTING?

you might as well be working at WALMART. working at WALMART is a much better use of your time than EDUCATION.

its another totally jooish scam like porn, banks, loans, journalism.

so why dont i play vidya RIGHT NOW? why dont I just whip out the final fantasy and play it again? i’ve thought about it!

because i guess i would rather WRITE antijooish stuff to try to help a hwyte neet, than play 80 more hours of final fantasy.

i’ll tell you what i WOULD like to do, though. you can guess hahahaha. no not look at porn. have you even been reading what ive been saying. hahaha. i want to sm0ke w33d. everyday. right now. although somewhat less than i wanted to last week. thank GOD.

well you know what, wanting to sm0ke weed is a HELL of a lot better than wanting to be with that woman, or thinking about that woman. at least I have moved on from THAT.

is porn better than that woman?

in some ways……..yes? but still not worth it to use porn to try to get over her. i mean now we are just getting into philosophy 202 thought exercises. phil 101 would be like is abortion wrong. is being a slut wrong. is porn wrong. is cheating wrong. SUPER basic bitch stuff.

so lets say you get dumped because youre needy. i know im too needy and a big cause of women dumping me. but what if you rarely have a CHANCE to be needy….but when you do, you are? like you cant be needy unless they are somewhat considering dating you. which they very rarely are.

in other words, being that close to or have such a CONNECTION to someone is SO RARE, its almost NATURAL to become needy or overly attached. because its so damn RARE. it reminds you of what your life has been missing and now that you have a TASTE, youre instantly addicted. its like crack or heroin….but not nearly as easily available. not for YOU at least.

your key doesnt fit her lock. but many many other keys fit her lock. so you get butthurt about that too. whats so WRONG with YOUR key????? is it really THAT bad? its worse than negros and felons and cheaters and scumbags? apparently.

ANYWAY. thats old hat hahaha. who gives a shit. BITCHES BE BITCHES MAN. it doesnt mean youre WORSE than these negros, it just means they are better at Seducing Women than you are, and women are stupid as shit when it comes to seduction, they are even more stupid than a horny 16 year old boy wanting to look at porn. because nature wants these women to get pregnant NOW, so it makes them horny af, makes them sluts basically. they just have figured out (sort of) how not to get preggers. and if you do, nbd, just murder it. get it taken care of.

but youre goddamn right its frustrating they would pick sleazy negros over you. i cant blame you for being mad and butthurt and buttmad and bitter af.

again, there are some women who do not choose so poorly or recklessly. some women actually dislike negros and scumbags and cheaters and players and degenerates.

i mean this is basic bitch be masculine, be confident stuff. you can expect women to love confidence, but not to be able to discern good confidence from bad confidence. too much to ask. manage your expectations.

but yeah. every morning. before i go into my job, i say, god DAMN am I THANKFUL this is not my previous job. that I’m not dying of panic right now. that its so much of a chiller job. that i’m never gonna be in that situation where i have to answer that phone and i dont know what i;m doing or what to say. and the people around me are total professionals. i trust their judgment. i trust they know what they are doing. because they DO! they’re not bullshitting or telling me to bullshit!

i supposed i should use a clearer term because bullshit can mean at least 3 different things, including friendly banter or friendly exaggerations. usually when i say bullshit, i mean jooish lies to try to intentionally lie or hide something from somebody. not telling the full truth. being sneaky and jooish and dishonest and bad faith and….jooish! when you are trying to joo somebody!!!

its too late for me. but if i can just sm0ke w33d and watch hwyte people and hwyte children win, i will be happy enough i guess hahahaha. i will dnate money towards that end.

well when i see some hwyte people, especially younger, win at life, i sometimes get JEALOUS/ENVIOUS. and as i get older, everyone else gets younger hahaahahahaha.

 

http://archive.is/dkwM2

heh just be grateful you can make 25k as a 20 year old and just sm0ke tons of weed when you are not at work and grateful you have a job where you are not actively nervous and panicking the whole time and panicking about how you are going to SURVIVE one day at a time, every single day.

nobody said anything about sm0king tons of MJ hahahaha. that is one of the FIRST things i would have suggested.

yeah i havent ruled out that i might have ADD as well as despair and anxiety and bipolar. so you just take 4 different medz a day then hahahaha. go out drinking with your coworkers so you can become friends with them and they will stand up for you rather than throw you udner the bus. assuming you can still drink. i cannot so that does not help my working situation for when i have a REAL job like this guy ahahahaha.

wewlad i know that feel. being passive aggressive and needy and low confidence. its why i push all my friends away and will never have a gf hahahahahahahahahahaha

of course all the women on reddit with 600000000000 admirers are condescending and womansplaining to the poor guy hahahaha. oh yeah THIS is why i hate reddit hahahaha. cuz the women are so stupid.

they think they are SMART because theyre so successful in life with their 28k a year and all their relationship experience. how about you get monogamously married and have 3 children. instead of having your main goal in life being career and TRAVEL. its always TRAVEL TRAVEL TRAVEL TRAVEL with these women. red flag.

travel is fine, travel is good, but to make it a huge goal and talk about it more than family and children? not good. yeah i wouldnt mind traveling to a MJ legal place and just doing MJ hahahahaha. or i wouldnt mind traveling to yurop for 6 months. not gonna happen though and that thought doesnt eat me up inside.  but yeah i dont trust these wanderlust millennials who like to  travel so much. hints at being a ((( rootless cosmopolitan ))). no thank you. put down some roots. blood and soil.

ok closed reddit. too triggering with these modern women.

i get more excited about eating a tasty MEAL than i do about the idea of TRAVEL. i get WAY more excited about the idea that one day I might have a big bag brimming with mid grade indica budz.

again i dont hate travel. there are many places in the world, in the US, in my state, that I would like to see. its just not a huge priority. i mean shit. if im feeling adventurous i would go to this park 15 miles away which i havent gone to in 15 years. with a bunch of MJ for a fun day in the woods and trails and lake. would totally take a woman there if i had any interest in any woman hahahaha.  i should really go there myself but i REALLY have to PUSH myself to do things like that by myself.

or just go with a regular friend. but i have pushed them all away because i am too passive aggressive, aloof, never lift a finger hahahaha.

oh well at least i am not a jobless neet any more, dont have to do 28 interviews and 550 apps anymore, now i have an 11k a year job hahahahaha.

apparently youre supposed to get used to people never telling you good job for the work that you do. we millennials raised to want a prize just for showing up. entitlement hahahaha. well my response is, whats wrong with a little praise and encouragement. ALSO, I am VERY willing to GIVE that praise and encouragement to OTHER people because I KNOW it feels good to be complimented on your work! so i compliment other people just to be nice and make them feel good!!!!!! don’t other people do this? just being NICE to other people? you compliment them even if they aren’t #1.

i complimented people all the time at my last horrible job. they appreciated it and they tried to compliment me. i prob didnt get enough compliments from higher up but who cares about them, my loyalties were to my team, not my higher ups hahahahaha.

at current job, i am prob happy with the level of compliments. and i tell the other people good job just to be nice and a team player. maybe theyre doing a shitty job. but i really dont think they are.

i imagine its a lot less triggering to read the women of reddit when you have a stable rel with a woman who is loyal to you, luvs you, sucks you off, etc. then you can just chuckle at these neurotic catladies bitching about everything.

but if you dont have that with a woman, then you take what these other women are SAYING way too SERIOUSLY. you should NEVER take what a woman SAYS seriously.  well, not on reddit. if she is saying she just wants to be casual friends, yeah i guess you should take that seriously too. or when she is letting slip gems about how many guys shes fooked and she doesnt realize she’s showing her slut level.

basically dont let what women say on REDDIT trigger you. just let it go hahahaha. step away from the reddit. meditate on big green bags of w33d that you wish you had hahahahaha.

shit maybe look at some HOOKERS on the erotic review hahahahaha.

read the local newspaper and upvote all the racist or right wing comments. maybe meet up with these people and buy them drinks, see if they can get you a better paying job when you tell them how much you fooking LUV being HWYTE.

meditate on how fooking AWESOME it is to be HWYTE. no joke.

march 9

so its super early, 648 am, really i could sleep in another 20 to 30 minutes but i dont mind getting up early, checking email, writing here, having time to have a 3rd stomach churning coffee water p00p if i have to (and i fully intend to in about 10 mins) and look at weather and traffic and email and calendars for people. get

ok had to do that before 10 minutes hehehe

but yeah so this is my opportunity to pump myself up. do the best i can. that was a valuable reddit thread above on the young man who is trying to get used to the world of work. it is a very fundamental question. even the people who are fortunate and skilled and smart enough to be gainfully employed at 28k a year have great difficulty adjusting to it emotionally.

50% of people are failures at life hahahaha.

this is what education SHOULD do. it should prepare children with the skills for work, so that they are GUARANTEED a 28k a year job as soon as they get out of high school at age 18. or more like 16. and you dont graduate until you have that job. and there would also be classes in high school on How To Adult: how to buy a home, how to raise children, how to be emotionally stable for 50-100 hours of WORK a week, how to not do drugs. schools and education fail at all these outcomes (objectives?). i mean yeah this stuff is probably the responsibility of the parents anyway. but these are THE most important things!!!! so keep your kids out of school and teach them The Most Important Things yourself because schools are absolutely useless.

education should be noble and sacred but the joos have ruined it, used it as a weapon against the stupid goyim. horrific. a travesty. also, you shouldnt leave The Most Sacred Trust up to a class of Professional Strangers! yeah yeah yeah at least 50% of them are True Believers in Making A Difference in Kids Lives and thats great, BUT, they still get trained in marxism by marxists and their good intentions are pretty much ruined hahaha.

maybe That Woman was way out of my league, she was way too good for me, because she was not a single mother. i simply don’t DESERVE a woman who is NOT a single mother. let alone one under 30 AND hwyte AND somewhat attractive!! WAY out of my league!!!!

i mean i am pretty much done with women until i stumble upon the next one hahahaha or take the action to Get A Hooker. i mean i cant legit try to Date Women until I have a 28k job, thats the rule, right? and all those online dating women are just a Marginal, Nominal, Horrifically Tiny step from being Hookers themselves, just less honest hookers hahahaha. with a hooker you know what youre getting. a woman who takes cash to fook 50000000 men.

but yeah i had that uncomfortable thought as i came home from a very easy day of making 11k a year: SHE WAS WAYYYYY OUT OF MY LEAGUE. SHE WAS WAYYYYYY TOO GOOD FOR ME. How FOOLISH of me to even entertain the thought. a hwyte trash fatherless gurl who is not super smart hahaha. way out of my league just because she doesnt have kids. and she is a solid 7/10 hahaha.

was she really out of my league? on paper it sounds like yes. but she wasnt out of league to be muh frand. and really its amazing she hadnt become a single mom herself yet. maybe she has by now. it doesnt matter.

but yeah when they dump you in a nice way, it doesnt bother you so much that they are out out of your league. when they dump you in a ruff way, you think, wow, maybe they were APPALLED that I had the AUDACITY to think I was even CLOSE to their league.

lesson: always be nice when you dump someone. dump people the way you want to be dumped.

did i learn my lesson: of course i did. how many more times must i say it. just blurt everything out as soon as possible. tell the whole truth immediately. i mean i hate to think i was a LIAR. I wasnt HIDING the truth. i was just too COWARDLY to tell the full truth, that i was heavily hinting with the way i was acting. lying would be acting one way, then denying it. i never DENIED anything. i was never asked to confirm or deny anything. but yeah i was no innocent victim. i had a role in my own downfall hahaha.

start of the weekend. no mj available. took 1 benedryl immed on getting home. plan to take 2 valium thruout day. not 3. 2 valium and prob 1 more benedryl.

i dont think women should be banned from asking questions/OP’s on reddit. i just think they should be banned from ANSWERING them!

http://bbs.dailystormer.com/t/half-a-million-pussies-march-on-washington-demanding-president-trump-grab-them/79313

great article about women. go throw some shekels at anglin now that his tshirt sale is closed. good thing i bought one hahahaha.

My grandmother always said it should cost $5,000 for a marriage license , and $50 to get divorced. That way you will be absolutely sure that you are serious about it. sez guy on daily stormer bbs.

well, it already costs like 6000000000000000 to get married, but not for the license, but for the stupid bridezilla wedding. and then it costs 60000000000000000000000000000000000000000000 dollarydoos to get divorced hehehe. but i see the guys point and its a good one, i agree.

another great quote in the thread from oberstein:

”  xOberstein Jan 22  reply to: TaureanPolishAngel [he’s mansplaining to a young women how men and women are different]
Pretty much the same reason women are naturally hypergamous. It’s two sides of the same coin.

Men are lookers and initiators. They’re attracted to looks, and they have to consider as many women as possible to find one who they are interested in and who is interested in them. The men who are successful at relationships are those who are the most active in searching for a partner, and the best at wooing her. These men can’t just radically change their personality once they enter a relationship. They’re still going to find other women attractive – that’s not something they can just turn off. This is why men are considered polygamous, and why unprincipled men sometimes cheat.

Women are not active in finding relationships – while men are the lovers, women are the beloved. This is why you (presumably) wait for a man to ask you out, rather than asking him out yourself. Once a woman is in a relationship, she is devoted to her partner, because she has little experience in finding random men attractive or seriously considering strangers as potential partners. However, if another man enters her life who she finds more attractive than her current partner, she is likely to return his affections and cheat. This is why women are considered hypergamous.

Jealousy affects both men and women when their partner cheats, both because people want to be loved (obviously) and because having your partner cheat seriously damages your chance of reproducing. In fact, I’d argue that men go through much, much more pain than women if their partner cheats on them or breaks up with them. The suicide statistics don’t lie. http://i.imgur.com/irQtOYz.png4   ”

saor guardians. great album and gets even better with time hehehehe.

ate dinner, took one valium, drinking coffee and listening to saor guardians. great album.

ya know why i dont like women? because they’re not as MORAL as men, and I prefer moral people to less moral people. now i totally understand that women arent SUPPOSED to be as moral as men, they dont have to be. but i also dont think nature is FORCING women to be less moral than men. i mean it wouldn’t be UNNATURAL for women to be a little bit more moral. although as it is, it’s not unnatural for them not to be moral either. becuase they dont NEED to be, they never NEEDED to be. men NEED to be. so i just contradicted myself hahaha. but yeah even though women have less of a NEED to be moral, nothings STOPPING them from being more moral if they WANT.

i like more moral people better than less moral people, so i like men better than women hehehehe.

and believe i believe women COULD be more moral if they real WANTED to, i resent them for taking the Easy Way Out.

heh. setting clocks forward two days prior to daylight savings time simply because i can hahahaha. gives me more time to adjust haha.

well the women i DO actually know in real life seem pretty moral. again im going back to this FICTIONAL, IMAGINARY woman who doesnt really exist. it’s not even an accurate representation of That Woman although in my mind it kinda “looks” like her. but she wasnt super immoral or evil or jooish, she was just human hahahaha just like any of us.

jooish, thats a good word for immoral, hahaha. synonymous.

mansplaining is just explaining. womansplaining is not explaining at all, its just BULLSHITTING.

aphorisms, like nietzsche hahahaha.

schoepenhauer. was he any good?

weininger. was he a joo? if so, you know where he goes.

904 pm (really 804 but i am trying to train my mind) took second and last valium. will prob take benedryl in a few hours then go to bed.

a good day at the table today, doubled muh stack finally. i need to do this a lot more!

i wonder if i were in high school right now how easy it would be to get MJ.

when i was in high school it wasnt too hard to get MJ although i wasnt looking to buy too much ever.

when i went to college i wanted it much more. and it was PROBABLY even easier to get, but it seemed harder, because i had less friends in college than i did in high school, had a very hard time adjusting and making friends. i eventually made friends and then it was easier to get MJ, but things would still run dry more than youd expect. and you had very little choice. just buy super expensive high grade stuff or get nothing at all hahahaha. i wanted mid grade but couldnt find it. everything was super top shelf kind buds. wawawawawawa. nothing for more working class people. these were all super middle class uni kids. and many of them were decent, even great people.

although if i were younger and in high school or college right now…..i shouldnt be smoking mj because that was one of the big mistakes where i threw my youth away and became a failure at adulting now. was because i smoked too much mj back then. and alcohol, and porn, and being a weirdo, and not going to a shrink, and not taking meds, and being stubborn, and remaining in the useless college situation i was in, rather than going to a less middle class, closer to home uni and getting a degree in stem or business or machining. all those were factors, not just the mj.

heh. its like i dont have the energy or will or agency or initiative to ACT on what i’ve learned from all my mistakes and failures. i’ve learned the lessons but still DO NOTHING.

world womens day. fook off. what is this bullshit. first the womens march on washington, now world womens day, women stay home from work, etc. so stupid. its all just a gay ass jooish protest against glorious leader trvmpenfuhrer. they think hes literally hitler and wants to throw women and muslims in ovens. shit i wish he did hahahaha. well, not hwyte women hahaha. but publicly hanging traitors would be fine. would send a great message. its a little barbaric i guess. so you could put bags over their heads, and just let their hanging bodies hang there for a week. that would still get the point across.

i mean ideally women wouldnt go to work to begin with. and a family could survive on one income and men wouldnt have to compete against women for jobs in this grotesque abomination that is enough to turn me against capitalism hahahahaha. to see it as the other jooish side of the jooish coin of communism. just like the two sided joooish coin of marxism and zionism, you have the two sided jooish coin of communism and capitalism. DAMN.

so yeah just give me nationalism. hwyte nationalism.  with somewhat free trade optimised for the benefit of your hwyte citizens. hwyte fascism hahahaha.  and i would be a softie about hanging hwyte traitors. id hang a few though. the hardcore people would say not enough.

i dont even know if id hang illegal aliens hahaha. no i would literally catapult or airdrop them into their home countries. make them pay for it hahahah. shit i might even have our taxpayers pay for us, because it would benefit our country. just like The Wall. imho we dont need to make mexico pay for it. if you can get them to, FINE, but it’s still a good deal even if we have to pay for it. just build it quickly, dont put it off. people want to see this wall soon. i really hope he doesnt waffle on this wall and literally starts building it NOW. i dont care if its more of a see through grate or fence.  FINE. it makes sense, that you could see through and shoot through the wall. how about even just prisons have rows of barbed wire fences. that would be fine. throw up some cheap barbed wire fences. have manned guard posts every mile with people in there 24/7 with gunz hehehehe. yeah that would be expensive sure. but patriotic murkans would prob be willing to pay for it. would rather my tax dollars go to it than welfare bennies for illegals hahahahaha.

really i bet blacks are a bigger problem than illegals or muslims hahaha. well in some areas the illegals are about as big a problem as the blacks hahahaha. and the black question has been a tough one for many years because of course its connected to slavery. im not so stupid that i would deny that!

HA! watching watters world on fox news and he is interviewing people outisde the alamo and he talked to a metalhead wearing an inquisition shirt. he looked kinda latinx though hahahaha. almost certainly a degen but never saw an inquisition shirt on tv before hahaha. they are bretty kewl and there were rumors they were racis. ok they showed the guy again and he looked pretty white. inquisition is from south america america and im sure they are mixed mestizos, but i’d also say they are 75% white mestizos hahaha.  i would be willing to go to one of their concerts, i hear their concerts are GREAT.

mar 10

yep long post but my hands are tied. it is what it is what it is. because i already have 99 drafts and if i add one more, i get shut down. thats a wordpress rule. in fact im surprised they havent shut me down for my wrongthink.  even if you DONT talk about violence, and i dont, or crime, but you just talk about the JQ for long enough, and you will get shut down. you cant even talk about it. thats how you know its some serious shit hahahaha. so i thank god im a murkan, where at least i know im free. we have a lot more freedumz than other formerly hwyte nations like canada or uk or germany or aus.

the first song on this album is extremely catchy and popped in my head yesterday. this album came out in 1999 or 2000 and i remember it was a big deal. i was just starting to learn about black metal and death metal at that time and I remember when the album came out and i bought it on CD and everyone was like wow the great emperor finally came out with their follow up to the Groundbreaking Anthems album.

i suppose this IXE album sounds a bit dated today since black metal really didnt end up evolving this way and im kinda glad it didnt! ie overwrought symphonic stuff. but there are still some sweet riffs and fast blasts here.

and then emperor has become completely irrelevant and ihsahn still has plenty of die hard fans but he is certainly not Bleeding Edge any more. not that he has to be.

and then by 2001 i didnt really care about their final album hahaha.

they are not BAD, just….ITNE and Anthems were their best albums hahaha. maybe wrath of the tyrant too but im not familiar enough with that one haha.

in general, i am quite happy with the way black metal has been evolving the past 25 years or so hahaha and boy has it been evolving and i’m grateful that i can be happy about the direction its taking. both the throwback stuff, and the pagan stuff, and the artsy blackgaze alternative hipster stuff, the american stuff, the british stuff, the finnish stuff, the french stuff, the orthodox stuff, it’s all good!

http://archive.is/qpYAJ

hit piece on andrew anglin from columbus paper, feb 2017

http://bbs.dailystormer.com/t/the-atlantics-luke-obrien-launches-campaign-of-harassment-to-shut-down-speech-of-political-activist/90830

anglin tells of sleazy journos being sleaze joornos. they are the scum of the earth and the enemy of the people hehehe.

oh hay yesterday march 9 was the 99th birthday of george lincoln rockwell RIP.

http://archive.is/lYvw8

full text of “THIS TIME THE WORLD” his autobiog

http://laraj.ca/AGwiki/uploads/Fascism/America/George%20Lincoln%20Rockwell%20-%20This%20Time%20the%20World.pdf

pdf here made pretty by our lad zeiger, will prob get taken down hahaha

https://archive.org/stream/ThisTimeTheWorld/ThisTimeTheWorld_djvu.txt

i should buy a hard copy because this deserves to be proudly displayed on all hwyte men’s bookshelves hahahaha

i should have been reading and praising GLR for YEARS, its SAD ive only really started getting into him now. Sad! he was a giant. a LION of a man. without him, there would be no dr pierce, no david duke, no vvn, no 14 words, no dr greg, no weev, no andrew anglin, no trs. no me hahaha.

i mean this guy cuts right to the chase immediately and is just as timely as ever. on the first page, calling out the J and the WELTFEIND hahahaha. the twin evils of zionism and bolshevism. crush zionism. good lord. no rambling for pages and pages.

also he is just a good writer and not just a good speaker. he could and did write a good book that seems like it will be a pleasure to read.

even though he was tragically murdered FIFTY years ago, the stuff still reads like it was written TODAY.

http://bbs.dailystormer.com/t/why-america-losing-its-cyberwar-stockpile-is-good-for-america/90756

mar 10 new article by weev writing for daily stormer. did not show up in muh google alerts for weev! maybe google is banning daily stormer from search results hehehe. i found it thru a link on a reddit that appears to be picking up where /r/altright left off when it was shut down.

heh. there are so many articles on daily stormer you cant even find them on the front page hehehe.

 

SOCIAL SKILLS ARE SURVIVAL SKILLS

feb 2

start of The Weekend, just want to do MJ like a loser hehehe.

feels of inferiority that i am not ATTACKING my job as much as I SHOULD be, not showing as much initiative, not being CREATIVE enough, not taking charge enough. usually when i do this i am blowing things out of proportion. and i worry what they say about me when im not there, um im getting second thoughts about this new guy, he’s kind of underwhelming, i expected more, he can do better than this, what kind of damn mental problems must he have, i mean just look at the facts, how old is he again? damn. DAMN. and he obviously doesnt have strong communication skills like he said he did, everything he says is an awkward meaningless jumble of words.  im sure he doesnt have a gf. i wonder if he lives with his fam. PROBABLY. WOW. how did he ever let his life get so OFF TRACK?

that is the type of shit i worry about now hahahaha.

i just dont want the nice people to be disappointed in me because i am uhhh kinda underwhelming and dont have a yugely confident charismatic presence. i mean i try my best folks. its a day by day thing. i have only been there 2 months. is this normal hahahaha. its normal to feel like an impostor. it took at least 3-4 months before i stopped feeling like an impostor at muh old job.

heh some MJ would help take the edge off that time hehehe.

its just different. its the type of thing where people work on a bunch of medium and longer term projects, rather than very short term cases. and when i end up with Downtime, well hehehe i feel guilty, because other jobs, when you get Downtime, you dont sit there and study work related stuff, you get your HOURS CUT, you get SENT HOME EARLY, so youre not costing the company money.

well today i was given a project and it was sort of challenging but people were offering with ideas but i didnt want to BUG them, plus i had enough to get me started, so i continued down that path, presented my results at the end of the day before i left for the weekend, essentially showed some work of what i had been doing the past 3 hours hahaha. it involved me trying to figure out something i wasn’t really strong on. i just hope they werent disappointed in me in that they expected me to Totally Fix It by the end of the day. i mean im not given super urgent tasks at any rate.

i THINK its gonna be OK, but yeah. always doubts and insecurities in my MIND.

feb 3

day off.

got some walmart george 12 dollar pants, gray. classic fit, flat front. they fit perfectly and were not that horrible “modern fit” which “sits lower on the waist.” I HATE that shit. totally satisfied. would totally buy another pair, and i might do that next week to replace another pair of pants that has gotten too big for muh incredible shrinking body hahahaha. 32 waist hehehe but im sure its a little more, tape meaure says more like 33, but most companies run a little big thankfully.

struggled against satan today and WON. got up, day off, wanted to be productive and no idle, run errands, not immediately sit on the internet for hours. get something done early, first thing in the day. got good 9 hours of sleep. did not turn on tv or computer. intended to go get haircut and to walmart and other store. felt anxiety and doubt but pushed self to do all those things. got nice haircut, boost in confidence, good. wanted to get new shirt for job at walmart, maybe pants. ended up getting nice shirt and pants. the pants are awesome but the shirt is a little bigger than desired. ideally will return it next week.

got groceries as well and then came home and made food to last me the next 3-5 days. AND did 1 load of laundry AND made 30 cigarets while the food cooked.  listened to new fatherland while doing the food and cigs.

and now its 543 pm, starting to get dark, and playing some cards and listening to new moonsorrow album for the first time

not bad, no surprises here. but for me i need to be in the mood, and i havent been in the mood since this album came out months ago.

ideally i would have a ton of MJ and would be blazing it like MAD right now. and similarly yesterday. but i dont. i laughed when thinking of finding a shady character at walmart and seeing if i could buy 20 dollars of MJ from a random shady black or brown person. i did not have the balls.

also i brushed teeth which i sometimes “forget” to do on day off, which i shameful.

also trimmed beard to level 2, ideally do this once every 2 weeks. last did this 2 weeks ago.

ok want old school epic metal, should listen to this hehehe. i recall the first song being awesome. and it is. varg v’s fav bathory albvm. he makes a comment here and there are shitloads of people calling him a shallow minded disgusting racist nazi and quorthon would have hated him too.  metal antiracists are the worst. go read that j trash metalsucks dot com. i thought you people prided yourself on being tough and iconoclastic and nonconformist. the best way you can do this is be a racist hahahahahahaha. and you have idiots loving a Heritage Loving band then bitching about people who say muslims get out. oh no, you get out you terrible racist, quorthon would have wanted hordes of muslims taking over europe.

well, maybe he would have, we cant say, he has been dead for years. but yeah it grinds my gears to see metal degenerates be all like yeah stabbing somebody to death and burning churches is cool, but being a racist who loves the hwyte race is so ignorant and offensive.

and i hold these “heritage metal” people to a higher standard because being Proud Of Your Heritage is really not that far from being Proud of your RACE, and willing to DEFEND it against its ENEMIES. but so many of them just shit on the idea of that second part. just bend over and get fooked. literal cuckolds hehehehe. metalcucks. bunch of pron obsessed degenerates hahaha.

heh. gay milo making big news with riots at berkeley. the next damn day people are rioting in nyc for gay gayvin mcanus hahahaha. what would they do with a REAL racist like richard spencer hahahaha. speaking of i thought he was gonna do a big college tour. he needs to have more of those like his thing at texas AM. do shit like that every week.

so yeah. glad i got a lot accomplished today rather than just neckbearding on internet.

so my gameplan was to “PARTY” tonight by taking a valium, then a little later, taking a benedryl. this could potentially be dangerous, cuz mixing anything with benzos is risky hehehehe. so thats why im gonna wait at least an hour before taking the benedryl.

had dream, erotic dream, that i was banging this qt gurl i knew tangentially in kollige, and i regret not noticing and pursuing her more. i just forgot she was there. but i might have had a chance with her because she was really nice to me the few times i did see her. and she was super duper qt. so now i occasionally have dreams about her hahahahahaha. prob always will. better her than THAT woman.

in this dream we were in the room with another person, and the qt woman was THROWING herself at me, just jumping on me, wanted to get fooked hard NAO. i was like, uhh theres somebody else in here, lets get a room i mean, then ill be happy to fook you hard. eventually i just let myself get taken in having public secs like a degen, because how do you say no to a young qt gurl. you cant. but i was like hmmm i really dont like sluts, i was hoping she wasnt like this, and god damn shes gotta be bipolar. and how long is this gonna last. shes probably gonna dump me within a month. why cant she just be a nicer, less bipolar, less degen, less slutty gurl. but oh well i might as well enjoy this for the brief time it lasts. but its gonna suck when she loses interest in me quickly. and she is REALLY interested now. but thats nothing. shes gotten like this for lots of guys. im not the first and sure wont be the last. and THIS is not gonna last. its not gonna get any better than this. damn. i hoped she was a better woman than this, i kinda liked her, had a fictional pedestal fantasy of her.

listening to newest 2015 iron maiden album book of souls. never listened. bruce still sounds great. not sure how they will hold attention for NINETY fookin minutes. WAY too long. but it sounds good so far.

meh you know what i will come back to this one hehehehe.

so took the valium. see if that even works. it is old valium. but i have like 90 of them, might as well use them while i dont have any MJ. i guess its kicking in a little bit. barely noticeable. not like MJ where you DEFINITELY notice it. how is MJ going in MA and NV right now? i know in ME they dont even have retail stores. or in CA either. i dont think. it still takes a year to get that shit set up. weak hahahaha. they dont immediaetly turn into CO overnight.

But in fact, recreational sales don’t become legal until next year. (2018). in california. ok.

n Diego legalized recreational pot dispensaries on Tuesday and the city also opened up the possibility it will allow pot farms, manufacturing facilities and testing labs.

San Diego is the first local city to approve recreational marijuana sales since state voters approved Proposition 64 in November, and no other cities in the county have indicated they intend to follow suit.

jan 2017. ok so go to san diego if you want to buy MJ.

 

until recreational dispensaries set up shop, which Metro said could happen as early as March. nevada 2017. cuz i mean vegas is a popular tourist destination and plenty of cheap flights. probably cheaper to fly to vegas than to CO.

state legislators in December passed a law delaying the sale of recreational marijuana products in approved retail dispensaries until July 2018. MA

yep. winterfylleth. signed up for songkick just so i could get a notification if they tour in the US. hehehehe. listened to the whole 1 hour album. thats a long album and its a really good sign if i can sit through the whole damn thing.  just glad to really enjoy a new band.

anyway that dream. i ultimately dont like when women throw themselves at you like slutty bipolar nymphomaniacs because that means theres something wrong with THEM, and also theyre gonna lose interest in you REALLY quickly, and that is very jarring. i mean its only happened to me once but i never forgot it hahahaha. yes that gurl was bipolar confirmed and taking lithium before the age of 20.  heh. wish i had had more time to actually have a serious discussion with her about Bipolar and how she dealt with it. but that would involve her hanging out with me for an appreciable amount of time.

thats a good sign. is a woman willing to spend a decent amount of TIME with you or do they just want to fook and LEAVE ahhaahhhaaha. thats what i liked about That Woman is that she liked me enough as a person to want to hang out with me for hours. sometimes hahaha.

i mean come on. im really not THAT lame. i might be a little boring and an underachiever, but you could do a LOT worse than spending a nice solid 4 hour hangout session with me hahahaha. smoke some MJ, watch some youtube, talk about 1387, talk about JQ, talk about degeneracy, watch some TV and talk about how degen and J it is, play some games, watch jeopardy, play some mario kart, smoke some more MJ, cuddle up and watch the decalogue hahahaha, make some food, go get some food, go for a scenic drive, go for a scenic walk in the park, watch the sunset. sounds like a fookload of fun amiright? go to an ethnic club, where hopefully you dont dump me for an alphaer guy, go to an artsy fartsy movie, go to a concert, go to an 1433 meetup where hopefully you dont dump me for an alphaer guy, go to the gym together where hopefully you dont leave me for an alphaer or blacker guy, hahahahahahahahahaha.

im secure about that because i really CANT compete with other guys for women. so if im hanging out with a woman in public where there are other Willing Guys, of course i worry that she’s gonna get a wandering eye and lose interest in me for a Better guy. also because women have historically lost interest in me really quick and gotten with other guys who they liked more.  shit yeah that is a big blow to your confidence.

and really i havent had a women interested in me in that way, even the slightest short term one month interest, in like…..holy shit TWELVE fookin years hehehehe.

but it was nice having a woman be interested in me as even Just A Friend when that happened like 3 years ago. 3 years ago might have been the peak of muh friendship with that woman. and holy shit even that is a long time ago. it doesnt feel liek that long hehehehe.

heh was a REAL BOSS today and put on track time starts on two youtube vidyas for good albums where the uploader nor any other commenters were generous enough to do that. you know. where you can click on the time and jump right to any song on the album for full album videos. hopefully will get plenty of upboats and thank you comments hahahahahaha. cuz these degen metal fans dont even think of taking 3 minutes to do this. well i wasnt any better until today, i never did this till today.

took the benedryl several hours after the valium.

went and installed f.lux on the computer to soften the harsh bright light of the screen at night time. with my tons of ram it does not have any noticeable memory footprint hehe.

george brand. for the man who wants to dress professional but also wants to buy his professional clothes at WALMART hahahahahahahahaha.

 

 

MORE IMPOSTOR THAN DUNNING KRUGER

dec 5

WOW JUST WOW. heres a FIRST in mother fooking almost a year and a half, in fookin 16.5 almost 17 months to be exact, the famous first is that i went to a JOB today and earned MONAY. That much feelsgoodman but I also feel impostor syndrome, like i am a dumb weirdo and these people are giving me a chance but i am too slow on the uptake, im not taking that chance, i’m not ATTACKING it, and they will be disappointed in me.

the job itself seems SUPER LOW STRESS and everybody was chill and happy. I mean i have really hit the jackpot there. i should give some money to GOD right now for that. AND I know this woman that works there, i used to work with her 3+ years ago, she is a good person, saw her today.

there is technically a lot of stuff to learn but i didnt feel the PRESSURE to learn all this crazy shit FAST and EXPLAIN it to frustrated people who are gonna GRILL you on it. so its safe to say this job will be a LOT EASIER and a LOT LOWER STRESS than my previous job. which is awesome.

the people are nice and available for questions. HOLY SHIT.

on one hand i just want to survive one day at a time.

on the other hand, i want to ATTACK IT and SHOW INITIATIVE and PROVE MYSELF and EARN RESPECT.

i dont want to be a TIMID MILQUETOAST.

Like so one guy with a masters degree is helping the other guy with the masters degree with the software and I am watching and learning, and Im like these are successful people who are Good At Adulting, who have got masters degrees and Reaped The Benefits by having Good Career Jobs.

and here i am, a huge loser who cant get a job for 16 months sitting there trying to look smart and ask smart questions and act normal like i am a normie adult, when i am super far from being a normie adult.

i guess the thing is to “FAKE IT TILL YOU MAKE IT” and really i will have to do a lot less of that here.

just remind myself this is NORMAL the FIRST DAY OF A DAMN JOB.

its been a while since i had the FIRST DAY OF A NEW JOB. it has been fookin THREE YEARS since that. well, 2.95 years hahaha.

transitions can be stressful even if the job is not stressful.

be mindful. let the thoughts float away. the judgments about muh self. just try to be nice to the people.

i mean i am ALWAYS nice but i am also Timid and I don’t want that.

also i can’t do much because there is a lot that is tied to my email/login stuff, and apparently the IT dept has a Policy where they cant get my account set up until after I have started my first day.  not before!

well i gave them 30 minutes of unpaid time today just to tie up some meeting stuff, like talking to the boss, etc.

the people here are very chill about getting there on time hahaha. i forgot about that. this workplace, ive worked at it before, from about 2009 to about 2013, and there were many many things i liked about it. and i am seeing that much of that, like the chill setting and the nice people, might carry over. and here i will have even LESS direct customer contact. but muh customers will be a generally higher level. masters degree people hehehehe.

yeah but there are some people in the dept that DONT have a masters degree.

i decided not to bring donuts on the VERY FIRST DAY becuase that would look TRYHARD, like i am DESPERATE to be liked and accepted. i can bring donuts another day. prob my last day of this week which is thursday.

i asked them about coffee. people like to drink coffee. great i said. i have some folgers at home i can bring in for everyone to use. there is a mr coffee for folgers and also a keurig machine. a goddam keurig. i guess its not THAT fancy. i mean im open to having a cup of keurig once in a while but i am a folgers man every day.

i wore dark blue dress slacks and a decent fitting Poplin/Oxford Dress Shirt, white with blue stripes. I looked pretty good. I made a half joke about how I could wear a tie if you think that would be good.

Wore black skechers shoes which are NICE but they are also too BIG. I shouldnt have bought them but this was over 3 years ago I bought these shoes. I actually wore them when i was working at this place the first time. jeez.  so this time i would go to WALMART and get some nice black shoes for reasonable price.

i mean i just gotta RELAX and be MINDFUL and not FREAK OUT. i mean theres NO REASON to freak out. everyone is NICE, they are not pushing weird shit on me, all this is OBVIOUSLY in my own head.

BATTLEMIND.

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Battlemind

military toughness mental training. how to stay cool in COMBAT. I should really look into this. just learned this word today hehehe.

i am thinking of making like 10 hamburgers patties at once on a cookie sheet in the OVEN. then put the burgers in the freezer. then i can eat a Hamburger for a snack while i am at muh job, if i am not so nervous and spazz that I cannot even think of eating.

i mean it is a mental thing now. everyone there is nice, its just my own INSECURITY and Inferiority Complex that I’m fighting against.

and here i’ve been reading a ton of job related shit while at home. well i kinda wanted to. again just becoming more familiar with the field in general. i suppose it would be better ot study the exact stuff in particular, the software, well i sort of did.

should try to see if i can sync a google drive folder on the job computer. might be restricted tho. but i can get to the google drives website. cuz they are sharing google documents with my gmail address, ie they intentionally use google docs to share stuff. i mean why not.

shit i forgot to ask the boss about his phd program. and his kids. and his previous jobs. 99% sure he is a democrat and might be a progressive activist one. he is big on education and worked in Inner City schools and certainly believes that poor blacks kids are every bit as capable and smart as privileged huhwhyte kids. and he has had a successful career, plenty of respect, and a wife and 3 kids to encourage his Weltanschauung hahahaha. he clearly is doing things right!

credit Salty Seaman with his parody of Kyke cernovich’s “gorilla mindset” with “chimpanzee weltanschauung” hehehehe.

http://english.stackexchange.com/questions/17908/whats-the-difference-between-weltanschauung-and-worldview

fooking intellectuals just jerking each other off hahahaha.  see this is one reason i dont want a masters degree. or especially a phd. its all mental masturbation .

anyway the boss is a good guy. i just wish he were a Rightist instead of probably a Leftist.

Well I think HIS boss is more of a rightist than a leftist hahaha. he already has his phd hahaha. but from a less prestigious skool. one of those classic working career adult completes phd in their spare time much like a MBA or something. i mean thats a good accomplishment too. the guy is obviously a hard worker, very ambitious, persistent, tough, BATTLEMIND, all good qualities. this guy is VERY masculine and somewhat intimidates me. shit he was also my boss’s boss 3-4 years ago so yeah I sorta know him. he is everybodys boss.

ambitious people dont like unambitious people and vice versa, sez famous negroball coach nick saban. for me this is hauntingly true. ive never been ambitious although i could have been successful if i were, cuz i used to have a good brain. but never had the work ethic. so people that DO have a strong work ethic, i worry about them looking DOWN on me as a Lazy Bum who doesnt Wanna Work Hard. Theyre not wrong, but I dont think that makes me a horrible person hhahahahahaha. but this guy is very ambitious and i dont want him to look down on me, cuz i respect him and what he’s done. thats a big part of it too, you dont want people YOU respect to disrespect YOU. you think someone is a good role model, and they think you are a lazy bum.

well he doesnt think i am a lazy bum. i hear he thought pretty highly of me when i interviewed with him once for a FT job in 2014. i guess i actually can sound sort of smart in interviews. then once i get the job i sound like an idiot hahahahaha.

http://workplace.stackexchange.com/questions/80549/does-using-documentation-as-a-developer-make-me-look-unprofessional

heh. this guy is worried that looking stuff up makes him look dumb to his coworkers, because he doesnt automatically know it. never mind asking them dumb questions!

thankfully the responses are largely no, what you are doing is smart and good.

dec 6

everyone at the job is nice and there is no pressure, but i am putting a ton of pressure on myself to be smart and impressive and funny and likeable and normie and charismatic and fun and smart and a team player and a value adder and asking smart questions not dumb questions.

everyone is also super accomplished, basically everyone i work with or talk to has a masterz degree or a phd but they dont have a big head about it either. now i want masters degree people to know i am every bit as smart as they are…..but i dont want to get a masters degree. they are ambitious and career oriented so they were very motived to get an advanced degree. i am not. but i cant say that here. like yeah im just as smart as you, i just didnt want to work as hard. but they arent such workaholics that they arent nice, or are weird. everybody is nice and has families and children. sometimes i want to say “you know i only make 11 dollars an hour and dont have a masters degree in this field right? i mean im not an idiot and my undergrad was better than your undergrad hahahahaha but then i went off the reservation and became a loser after that point.

but everyone is very understanding and theyre like yeah i know thats a lot of stuff to be thrown at you.

it KINDA is, but not any more than i had before, plus the important part is, i dont have to answer phones all day and fix things for users of this software and explain it, while having nothing but the Documentation to assist me in that chore, and experts were very unavailable. here, the experts are just chilling out and you are sitting in a room right next to them with the phone only ringing once an hour! its SUCH a different environment, 180, i mean its 14880000000000180 times BETTER and more POSITIVE!!!!!!

Just some person with a masters degree in tech, whos an expert in these tools, who can answer any question I or the users have, explain everything, who WELCOME feedback and complaints and feature requests, dont just bark im busy read the documentation. its INSANE. no WONDER these people have masters degrees and years of experience, to have such good chill career jobs.

Basically everyone is a damn instructor too. all these people are teaching college classes on the damn side. To the point where I have to laugh sheepishly and say, now i’ve never actually taught a class before, because all these people have taught classes! They are all teachers!!!!!!

so yeah. much more of the impostor sydrome than the dunning kruger effect hahahaha.

i have been studying quite a bit when i get home, was going a training module today on a major piece of software.

Used the coffee maker today and one of our clients said that is some good coffee, reminds me of the maxwell house we used to drink at home when i was young. I said thank you thats the first pot o coffee ive ever made here hahahaha today is my second day.

he was an afro-american man with an MBA, very intelligent and well dressed hahahahahaha.

if most of the Black Men you met were like THAT, you might very well not be a racist, but be a damn pro-black, anti-white, anti-racist!!!!! no he was all right, i had no beef with him, clearly a Talented Tenth and would be welcome in my white nation hahahaha.

only working 6 hours a day which is perfect…..then come home and do some studying, and now i should go for a powerwalk, and thinking of bed at 8pm, i mean only 2 days in, of only 6 hour shifts, and i am feeling a crunch on my time in other words.  but i guess thats to be expected. will take a LITTLE getting used to.  so dont get NERVOUS or FREAK OUT about it. just ACCEPT IT. RADICAL ACCEPTANCE. DBT.

yassssssssssss rich spencer live at texas a&m, the skypes did not shut him down, its happening RIGHT NOW and there seems to be an enthusiastic crowd.

also some great uppity shitlibs. this is a Good School and is gonna get PhD level shitlibs and marxists.

yeah well spencer got into a phd program at duke, hahahaha.

shit i gotta go back and listen to this whole thing just to hear all the college leftists in detail and how he responds to them in detail. i missed the first hour of this.

but there needs to be a lot more of this, directly engaging and debating college shitlibs, uhhh because im not good at it hahahaha and really want to listen to someone who is confident and good at it.

TRS goys and univ shitlib marxist BLM together in the audience. NOICE. I gotta read more about this event. and the stuff that went on before, after, outside, nearby.

ebonic talking black female talking about whites doing genocide, youre building this country on the backs of black slaves.

i mean yeah you are gonna find the BEST (ie the worst, slimiest, most twisted) shitlibs at big, reputable univs like TAM, so yeah, more of this. lots more of this. YEAH BUDDY.

i wanna hear him and our side debate and argue with the other side, i dont hear it enough.

faggy philosophy student talking his love of logic and logicians from aristotle to russel, this is exactly what i want to hear, what i want spencer to BTFO, and which i cant handle, cuz i have no patience for hardcore logic hahahaha.

oh shit college “conservative” wanting to tell spencer he stands with the left to condemn spencers hateful rhetoric, how brave bantz spencer. RS is doing really well at this IMHO, needs to do this EVERY DAY. against even MORE hostile crowds.

http://boards.4chan.org/pol/thread/101841991/richard-spencer-at-texas-am-university

http://archive.is/iOEGP

https://twitter.com/search?f=tweets&vertical=news&q=richard%20spencer%20texas%20a%26m&src=refgoogle

http://www.dallasnews.com/news/texas/2016/12/06/protests-unity-event-texas-am-aim-drown-speech-alt-right-dallas-native-richard-spencer

2000 people PROTESTING him

whites with a phd in genetics asking how you determine white identity. god damn i hope that white guy is jooish. sadly he is probably an antiwhite white i fooking luv science! type shitlib. thankfully spencer is giving it right back to them, calling them fat idiots.

https://www.periscope.tv/w/1gqxvRrdNkqxB

i made muh first discord post to share this link i found in the 504um hahahahaha

http://time.com/4592947/students-protest-white-nationalist-richard-spencer-texas-am/?xid=tcoshare

time phagazine.

sheeeeit this is exciting. wish i could stay up late but i gotta get up early and act like a SMART PERSON. even with nice people in a slow environemtn, ideal people in an ideal setting, its still exhausting to put on the face and act like a smart capable normie for a paltry 6 hours!!!!!!!!!!!! i have NO IDEA how i survived at the other job. thank GOD this one is much better. mentally but not at all financially hahahaha.

 

DONT SEPARATE THINGS THAT SHOULDNT BE SEPARATED

oct 26

ok  done with interview for PT 15 an hour job. 1500 hours a year max. 24 to 32 hours depending on the department. 3 openings, 3 diff departments. one is def more customer oriented. hope they dont pick me for THAT one because i said i was good at dealing with difficult customers. yeeeesh.  yikes. oy vey. so just do a shitty job, quit, and never work for this org again hahahaha when it is DEF one of my Top Orgs To Work For. great benefits, close to home, unfireable, stable secure job, union.

talked to 3 people, including a handsome young man who i learned is about 3 or 4 years younger than me and he has a Controller position, because he Chose A Good Life with Hard Work, and has a BS in Accounting, an MBA with focus on Taxation, a CPA, so hence he’ll always have a GREAT job. why didnt I just Be Like Him. I joked that I did poorly on the accounting portion of the test, but that I was just rusty and I can brush up on my Accounting Fundamentals.

3 people in the room grilling me hahahahaha. no they were all nice enough. I got emails from all. i have def gotten better at that. just getting emails from EVERYONE in the room.

i need a full 20 ounce mug of strong coffee JUST TO GET OUT OF BED IN THE MORNING to be somewhere at 8:30 am hahahahaha.

meaning i pour the mug the night before, leave it on my table next to the bed, set alarm 15 to 20 minutes before i want to get up, then drink the coffee while laying in bed and watching weather and news, then pull self out of bed.

i would NOT want to still have to MAKE the coffee. I just want to REACH out of bed and GRAB a full mug of awesome room temperature coffee thats been sitting out all night. this truly does make it a lot easier to get up. i have been doing this for years. i dont regret it one bit. i RECOMMEND it to ANYBODY.

interview was at 9 am, i got there at like 8:15, i like getting their SUPER early and prepping in the car.

actual interview was less than 30 minutes. they didnt rush me PER SE, but i got the impression there were other people waiting. plus its a part time job hahahaha. i said As You Can Imagine, my ultimate goal is a FT job with this org, would this PT person have access to The Secret Internal FT Postings? yes yes they would.

anyway thats it for this week. did not get great sleep last night. i mean i can TOTALLY get used to getting up EARLY in the morning……but it HAS to be REGULAR. i need a ROUTINE. after a few days or a week of that, i will get used to going to bed earlier and getting up at 6am, 5am. shit i got up at 6 am today to get ready for being there at 9am.

so if i got this other job that starts at 8 am, id have to get up a FIVE am every day. well especially cuz that one is further away. a whopping 14 miles away. this place today is only 4 miles away. also i get up SUPER early, ive NEVER been a sleep in as late as possible and Rush To Work in the NIck of Time. downside is that eats up valuable sleeping time.

/r/relships. i cant stop reading it, its SO ridiculous. some of it is good, some of it is fooking awful.

it DOES NOT help that 80% of the shit is by women for women. i wish there was a relship sub for men by men. it makes a big difference. cuz women dont know what theyre talking about, ever. hahahahahaha. terrible judgment, terribly wrong. WRONG. hahahaha. WRONG.

heh. the other bad thing about getting up early is, you are now awake 16 hours a day and have to figure out how to eat only 1200 calories. you are Hungry More because you are too used to Sleeping through those hours when you are hungry. like its 11am and i am STARVING even though I had some Cereal around 7 am. 350 calories. shit. 390 calories cereal and milk.

degree in account, masters in taxation, cpa. this is fooking AWESOME. i hear the masters in tax is one of the better masters you can get. this guy formerly worked with a well known accounting firm for 5 years. kinda surprised he is working where he is now. youd think it would be beneath him.

now he did not go to a name school………but the school he went to is actually kinda well regarded for accounting. which is exactly what he did. why didnt i choose that life hahahahaha.

i just saw him and i was like WHOA this guys the CONTROLLER? hes a KID!!!!!!!!!!

I guess there is Financial Director who is one step above him though.

see the stupid women would say this si just fine, stop trying to control her, you jealous abuser.

not even seeing that essentially the male FWB rejected her because SHE wanted MORE, and now they’re still just friends and hang out and talk constantly.

DONT SUCK A GUYS DICK ON THE THRID DATE!!!!! THATS DEGENERATE!!!! NIHILISTIC!!!!!!!!!

that was a different one hehehe.

its not INTENTIONALLY nihilistic. i mean they think its about FUN and who knows this might turn out to be the one, but lets just have some spontaneous fun in the moment.

fun fun fun fun fun fun fun. all about fun. muh dick.

i mean yeah its HEDONISM not nihilism per se, but IMHO hedonism is pretty damn nihilistic at root. i mean women arent capable of understanding that, most men arent either. but all white men are capable. nto sure about white women. maybe some are capable. ive never met one hahahahaha. no thats patently false, i certainly have met decent, nonhedonistic women that werent all muh dick muh dick muh clit muh orgasms muh fun casual fwb secs.

jeff daniels looks like slavoj zizek in this movie hahahahahaha

i mean is zizek really THAT cool? probably not, folks, probably not. why the hell did i ever like him in the first place? because he spouted pseudointellectual crap. that at its core is JOOISH as hell: critical theory, frankfurt skool POISON. but he made getting a phd in philosophy seem really Sexy to a 21 year old.

SIXTY dollars to see nick cave? thats almost as bad as fifty dollars to see morrissey. but i like nick cave a lot better. but thank god i have already had the PRIVILEGE of seeing nick cave. not many people can say that hahahahaha. and it was an even more outstanding show than you would expect. i almost DONT want to see him again because that is a high standard to exceed. also i dont really like his new album. but i should see him just to see him right? but 60 bucks? damn.

imean if it were tom waits I totally would. or neil young, in a theater of this size, with crazy horse for SURE, and hopefully less than 60 bucks.

not many people on muh bucket list. maybe bob dylan but thats a big maybe.

well tom petty would be nice. yeah id go see him. but prob not for 60 bucks. or in a gay ass outdoor theater full of drunk trash.

who else. maybe some black metal. or metal in general. judas priest, iron maiden, never saw them, missed shows by both in the past year, too lazy. i mean i had the TIME!

yeah i would pay 80 bucks to see darkthrone hahaha. or varg vikernes. or muh buddy mikko.

anyway.

i might have been ok with casual secs if i had ever had any sort of FWB thing work out. for example, women2004 and 2005, they just wanted casual dating ie secs ie casual FUN. I was like NO i want a serious rel so they dumped me because they didnt WANT a serious rel.  BUT I could have gotten a LOT of secs out of them if I had just said lets keep it casual. so in hindsight i wish i had done that, just so i could have had a lot of secs with some qt young gurls. instead i had secs like 2 times. better than nothing but still.

i mean theyre not horrible people for wanting what they want and rejecting me because i wasnt that. well, beyond the fact that what they wanted is………….pretty degenerate. but then again, some of my wants are pretty degen too, like wanting to smoke MJ, or being open to casual secs. (but not actively seeking it out.)

but i am so inexperienced with secs, that i automatically confuse secs with feelings.

THIS ISNT REALLY “CONFUSION!” ITS THE NATURAL WAY! IT IS RIGHT AND JUST AND NORMAL!!! WHATS NOT NORMAL IS THE PEOPLE WHO TRY TO UNTANGLE THEM!!!!!

DO NOT SEPARATE WHAT THE LORD HAS BOUND TOGETHER!!! hahahaha.

or, DONT SEPARATE THINGS THAT SHOULDNT BE SEPARATED!!!!!!!!! if you prefer that.

young girls wanting casual sex, and old men wanting serious feelings secs.

SEX IS INHERENTLY INTIMATE, IT IS BAD TO TRY TO MAKE IT CASUAL. IT CANT BE CASUAL.

that ultimately is the END OF DISCUSSION.

so yeah me and these women had Incompatible Values.

AND they made an EFFORT to give me Common Courtesy and Respect when they Dumped me! they made an effort not to add insult to injury! so i appreciate that now.

DONT ADD INSULT TO INJURY!!!!!!!!

maybe i should become a Christian Counselor. there are tons of them. is it any easier than becoming a Non Religious Counselor? as far as degrees, licensing, etc.

i cant see it being any easier getting a license from the state, but i could be wrong.

if youre being charged with a heinous crime, WHY NOT perjure yourself rather than taking the 5th amendment hahahaha.  just watching law and order. i guess this show could inspire a young person to become a cop or a lawyer.

anyway i never stalked her. dont know why i have to PROVE this. i guess because the women of reddit would say that sending emails is STALKING.

yeah ok i DID send probably too many emails, but after a month of that, I was DONE. FINISHED. COMPLETELY.

I sent 4 emails in 1 month. 3 of them were pretty long. does that make me an evil stalker? no it just makes me sad and desperate and pathetic.

also if she had said stop sending me emails, i probably would have hahahahaha. or maybe just sent one more hahahaha.

the worst i did was crane my neck to try to look for her car in the parking lot of her workplace as i drove by the workplace which was ON the most direct route to my destination. and if i get that job then i wont go 2 miles out of my way just to NOT drive by that other place every day. i might even crane my neck again. but its not like im pulling into the parking lot and sitting there waiting for her!!!!! that WOULD be creepy!!! i dont WANT to be a creep! but also women think everything is creepy. plus i can totally understand why men do creepy things.

anyway. i guess i would like sluts more if i had more benefits from those sluts. but really womens Sexual Desire has led them away from boring old me. I am always at odds with Female Sexual Desire, Fighting it, trying to keep it from straying away from me, trying to hold on to it.

yeah i guess i am TRYING too hard. you should have to TRY this hard to “maintain somebodys interest” in you.

but yeah i am now done with my week o interviews and can start applying to jobs again hahahaha.

i mean TWO of these three jobs I would REALLY like. these are some strong jobs to get your hopes up for.

how have i never seen this dark haired woman cop on law and order. she is very attractive, would bang/10. but is she jooish? this is like early 2000s, she is partner with black male cop, hopefully doesnt mudshark with him, sam waterston is still the DA. i think this is just Straight Up Regular Law and Order, not SVU or any of that.

milena govich. obvious a yugo sort of name. potentially jooish. wiki says serbian (and scottish.) well yeah the NAME is SERBIAN, just like STEIN is GERMAN. thats not what Im ASKING hahahahahahahaha.

2006-7, det nina cassidy.

i just dont know. i think she is a goy but you never know with these sneaky J’s, ive been fooled before. i would casually bang her while waiting for the 23 and me results HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA

YES I have a FILTER, I know what things you should and should not say around WOMEN. I wouldnt say ANYTHING I say on here around women.

but yeah i dont want to be a creep, or a niceguy, or an abuser, or the jealous type, or a controller, or any of that stuff. but maybe i AM ok with being a “woman hater” hahahaha i mean how can any woke man not be hahahaha.

maybe i like proving to them that i have good enough social skills so they cant slander me as creepy. i dont say or do inappropriate things, but my god do i judge the hell out of women when they are not around.

and i dont feel bad about judging women. i dont mind being called a Woman JUDGER!!!!!! i mean thats what i do, i judge women!!!!!!

but in the social world, I treat them with respect. EVEN IF THEY DONT DESERVE IT!!!!! i really wouldnt treat ANYONE with disrespect until after they treated ME with disrespect.

i mean everyone makes mistakes, even That Woman doesnt deserve to be hurt even though she hurt me, because she didnt have intent, and even if she DID, it would still be better karma for me to just Let It Go, and no i dont want her to get hurt really bad. i mean i would like her to learn a lesson. but she was just stupid and weak, i was stupid and weak, and ultimately i was the one who got hurt more, a lot more.

now i mean feel different about someone who did something MORE hostile and intentional, like cheating or accusing me of abuse or something. totally lying and betraying me.

i dont do sketchy or bad shit with women. i dont DO anything really immoral. the most immoral i get is have JUDGEY THOUGHTS. i dont have thoughts about hurting or abusing or mistreating women. I just have thoughts of jdugement and disgust and contempt. but i dont ACT on these thoughts! I try not to do ANY immoral actions! because MORALITY is VERY VERY IMPORTANT to me!!!!!!!

1200 CALORIE DIET!!!!!

i guarantee you. if you eat only 1200 calories a day, you WILL lose weight even without exercise.

you will also be hungry at all times.

well some say 1200 for women, 1800 for men. that 1200 is the absolutely healthy minimum for WOMEN, who need less calories than men anyway.

so maybe 1200 is not even Healthy For Me. well, moot point now that I blew right by it by 150 calories and also today is muh cheat day too and i will be eating again later!

 

 

incel neet virgin 26 year old brother is resentful of his 20 year old NORMIE brother who can get a GF hehehehe. reddit shames the incel neet as a creepy woman hater, anyone who “unironically uses the word NORMIE after high school” is one of these hahaha.

now i dont MIND being friends with women like this guy seems to……but im not sure having Women Friends makes you any more likely to make a woman want to Be With you in a secsy way. you just get the friendzone hahahahahahahahaha. you can relate to women as human beings to your hearts content….in the friendzone hahahaha.  but yeah i guess i’ll admit that when you have a woman friend, it DOES make them seem more human, less alien, more knowable. but it makes all the more THIRSTY for a gf too. because youre like well now i actually KNOW a woman, this isnt so bad! but now I REALLY REALLY REALLY want a GF! I had forgotten what its like to even be NEAR a woman and to have a woman show ANY INTEREST in me! it feels good and i want what the NORMIES have!

anyway i am not as bad as that guys brother. i can control myself around women at least and dont do anything really creepy. plus i had secs once 12 years ago with the help of alcohol hahahahahahaha.

the first time he saw a tit? hasnt he ever watched jooish porn? not that i recommend it.

does he have a JOB? is he EMPLOYED? surprised this was never mentioned by the commenters. probably not, hes prob a damn neet.

i mean just like having a gf or at least a fwb is the litmus test of a NORMIE, so is having an at least average job. making at least 13 bucks an hour.

well, we did have some incels making 15 an hour at my last job hahahaha.

reddit. a bunch of damn degenerate nonvirgins SHAMING the morally superior virgins and calling them creepy and disturbed and elliott rodger, just because they dont fook like a bunch of NEGROES hahahahahaha.

these “social nerds” are an interesting bunch, i knew a lot in university. they were “weird” and “anti establishment” and “non conformist” but they were FAR from social outcasts, and had a ton of friends, and GF’s, sex experience, Relship experience, all from a young age, and turned out being successful normies with wives and children hahahahahaha.

NORMIES.

DIRTY NONVIRGIN NORMIES hahahahahaha.

PIGS, DOGS, DISGUSTING ANIMALS hahahahahahahaha.

” He’ll never figure out how to get a girlfriend until he starts treating women like people rather than games that you have to win to get romance and sex. ”  hehehehe but……….its that accurate? except they are not as fun or easy as a game. its a frustrating sick game.

well not even. the “game”, as designed by god/nature, its not sick. its sensible, and technically fair. it’s not pretty though. and it REALLY sucks to be on the losing end. and it REALLY sucks when Women Deny Their Privilege.

i guess thats just like ME denying WHITE privilege and MALE privilege, huh????????????????????

so……..if i can acknowledge that privilege exists, specifically FEMALE privilege…………….

……….does it not follow that its POSSIBLE that OTHER kinds of privilege exist?

and that I might benefit from it?

but, like women, I spit in its face and deny it?

so i dislike women who do the same thing I am doing?

yeah but i believe women DO have certain advantages/privileges in the mating game. i mean SOME men have their own privileges here….but not most men.

also, my idea of Female Privilege in the Mating Game comes from a pretty Traditionalist, Reactionary, Alt Right, Rightist, NON MARXIST way of thinking.

Ideas about White Privilege and Male Privilege, that all comes from MARXIST BULLSHIT.

they are all saying what a horrifying, dark, awful place the incel sub is. i dont doubt that its DARK, and i dont want to link to it or even READ it because Im sure its very negative……..but dont say these are awful people. youd be this way too if you were a hugless virgin neet incel who CANT EVEN GET IN THE FRIENDZONE hahahahaha.

note: i never use the word friendzone seriously. its impossible for me to “get put in” the friendzone. i will just say, baby, i dont want to be just friends, lets take a time out here. or thats what i would say if they agreed to talk to me hahahaha.

im perfectly fine being friends with women IF I dont want anything more. AND IF THEY dont want anything more. not that ive ever experienced that. but god damn. i know women are HUMANS.

just like negros and joos and mudslims are humans too, hahahahahahahahahahaha.

no, white women rank above all of those, hahahahahahaha.

but yeah its just heartbreaking when a woman you like would rather hang out with CHEATERS, DRUG ADDICTS, DRUNKS, DEADBEATS, ABUSERS, and NEGROES, rather than hang out with YOU.

ive certainly linked this album before. a few posts ago. it def has its place. right now i am drawing attention to 3:34, “summer of the diabolical holocaust”. “natassja in eternal sleep” is such a strong, timeless opener, that i sometimes forget the next song is just as strong.

again, good headphones and ideally good speakers, played LOUD, for maximum effect, considering the ridiculous production. note the insane distorted bass sound and drum sound, esp the floor tom. ridiculous celtic frost riff in the middle here, with ridiculous “solo” on top of it.

the guitar tone kinda sucks on this album….kind of. but i wouldnt change it either!

and TED’s vokills are possibly his best ever. truly literally a man possessed here.

i would say turn it up LOUD and DEFINITELY smoke a huge MJ to this one, get nice and blazed. oh god. wish i could.

and then cuddle up with nice waifu while doing that.

well, for that, we would just listen to one song, while I Mansplained the significance of the music. listening to the whole album with a grill would be pretty weird. metal grills are huge immoral sluts anyway. degen nihilists hahaha.

hard to believe they were only like 21 when doing this album. to make an album that you just appreciate more and more as you get older. into your Mid Thirties.

I think i was familiar with this album when I was 21, or at least close to it. I liked it……but I didnt GET it as much as I do now.

like i certainly dont like other albums LIKE this.

anyway yeah great album for the Turning Of Seasons, like when its really becoming Fall/Autumn. definitely some magic in this album.

but yeah you DO need to listen to it LOUD. it Literally sounds better that way.

it is amazing how much Variation and Diversity there is in darkthrone. UAFM and TH are both super freezing cold black metal albums, but they sound fairly different. i guess a big thing is that the tempo and rhythm NEVER change on TH, and on other DT albums, they change in every song.

yeah theres a damn good reason DT is a such a NAME.

heh these reddit nonvirgin normies shaming the virgins. there answer for everything is “DUDE NEEDS HELP.” WOW. JUST…..I CANT EVEN. YASSSS. HE NEEDS THERAPY. THERAPY PROBABLY WOULDNT EVEN HELP HIM. HE NEEDS TO KEEP TRYING THERAPISTS TILL HE FIND SOMEONE WHO WORKS. HIS ONLY CHANCE IS A LIFE OF THERAPY IF HE EVER WANTS A GF……….AND EVEN THEN IT PROB WONT WORK. CUZ HES TOO TOXIC AND NEGATIVE AND WEIRD AND CREEPY AND RAPEY AND JUDGEY. EW. UGH. GROSS. NOT OK. HE NEEDS A LOT OF HELP.

Yeah i agree he probably does need some help but i dont think its hopeless. these are exactly the type of guys i would want to help. with my unlicensed christian therapy group. we would go out and grab women by the pvssy and call them fat pigs, slobs, dogs, and disgusting animals. hahahahahahahahaha.

hey might as well listen to TH right after UAFM. now theres an experience you should be grateful for.

heh. I remember I bought TH on CD and that was one of muh first serious black metal albums. that, burzum debut, emperor “nightside eclipse”, burzum HLTO, DT panzerfaust. i picked some good ones for babbys first black metal albums eh? but i remember seeing phil anselmo in a pantera picture wearing a DT TH t shirt and i was like whoa that looks hardcore hahahaha what does that logo even say???

and then i bought the cd and mainly liked the first song and was like why isnt the rest of the album as good, i mean its a really simple formula.

but then it really grows on you hahahaha. and then it becomes one of your desert island best black metal albums of all time.

when i was a young angry virgin, i might have thought DT understood my hateful, sorrowful feels hahahaha. when really they were a bunch of HEDONISTIC, DEGEN NORMIE NONVIRGINS, smoking MJ and partying and getting with SLUTS. more like NORMIETHRONE amirite????

anyway, yeah i guess if all you listen to is TH, its easy to think DT is a fairly “ATMOSPHERIC” BM band, but they really arent hahaha. they are more of celtic frost beer chugging normies.

but yeah its timeless, beautiful stuff you will CHERISH the rest of your life. when i get married to my pure virgin white waifu, I will play nothing but BLACK METAL at the reception hahahaha. totally make it all about me and everyone else can suck my dick, im gonna play like 8 hours of straight black metal at my wedding hahahahaha.

no but i mean i have to play at least one black metal song. but what the hell would it be? i mean it would be burzum or darkthrone. maybe I should just play TWO black metal songs.  transilvanian hunger and jesus dod. hahaha.

well i was invited to a social thing tomorrow and i decided to Just Say Yes because this is EXACTLY the type of thing I should say YES to, so i did. its exactly because i dont go to things, that i dont get invited to things any more….so kinda want to break that pattern.

oct 27

ive always liked sitting down and writing about muh self and muh feels, total narcissist, but unfort i think this has helped CAUSE some of my issues, because i always take the wrong lesson, or get in too negative of an attitude. the women thing is the perfect example. writing here i sound like incel virgin maniac r9k elliot rodger, but i am not really like that in real life!!!! at worst i am socially anxious and shy, but never super creepy or weird! i am even nice and nonjudgmental to total trashy sluts, i just see them as people who have had hard, unlucky lives, had their good noble nature nurtured out of them, its not their faultttttttttttt. basically i will treat people well until they treat me badly. even if they are a dirty slut. until them being a dirty slut directly hurts ME, I will be nice to them.

(soundcloud giving errors, deleted link. google fenriz radio soundcloud.)

oh here is fenriz’s radio show, archive of many of them, actually doesnt sound horrible hahahahaha. i mean i am kinda jealous of his ability to enjoy new music at 45 years of age, my mind is pretty much closed to all that. i still want him to have a family. find a decent wife and have some kids. shit he can still listen to metal. he talks about listening to metal 16 hours a day or something. im not even AWAKE 16 hours a day! now a family man needs to be awake 23 hours a day working and providing and protecting and securing, but working fathers can still have interests and hobbies, he could still listen to his precious metal hahahahaha.

well i do like documentaries and here is one on peste noire. who i like because famine is a fairly right wing douchebag who hates foreigners. and i like a couple of his songs. and i want to determine how right wing and nationalist he really is. of course, i think he needs to stop drinking and living a degen lifestyle, be more like varg!!!

look at this handsome white man, in beautiful nature. this is what we SHOULD think of when we think of FRANCE…..not a jooified degenerate brown hellhole that france is turning into. famine does drink too much and should stop drinking and have children tho. although i thought it was hilarious that he made an obnoxious fart joke hahahaha. showing what he thinks of these media k1kes hahahaha. well really i dont know anything about the makers of this film.

i know weev gets lots of demand from the k1k3 media for interviews, but he straight up tells them, fook off and die k1k3, im not giving you an interview unless you pay me a lot of money, you can look up stuff ive said on the internet. PAY ME if you want to talk to me. and my rate is not cheap. im taking my pound of flesh back from you vampires. this is a great way to be. so i hope the people that made this doc were either not corrupt “skypes”, or they paid famine decent money to talk to them. i do believe famine, degen farting drinker he may be, but i think he still has artistic integrity hahahaha.

 

 

new vidya where varg talks about fenriz. he says a lot of good things about fenriz, that he is smart, funny, charming, easy to like, friendly. he says he is one of the smartest most intelligent people he met back in the day. and also that he is very honorable and ethical and tries to do the right thing and be an honorable man. but that his tragic flaw is that he drinks too much and this might compromise him.

now varg is talking about fenriz 25 years ago. but as a 20 year old man, whenever young varg met young fenriz, fenriz was always drinking beer and getting drunk. so i can totally relate with that. whenever I was socializing at around that age, i was drinking.

varg says fenriz is a good man but he hopes he has cut down on the drinking. i would agree because drinking too much is never good. and if you have ever seen videos of fenriz, he is often drinking in them. so yeah i hope he is not a Full Blown Alcoholic. i dont think he is because uhhhh he would have ruined his life by now. lost his job at the post office, stopped doing albums, in and out of rehab or jail, plus he looks fairly healthy.

so yeah i think hes got it under control but i cant help agree with varg that alcohol clouds your judgement.

i am kinda in between varg and fenriz then! i started out more fenrizy and am becoming more vargy. but yeah i always got the impression that fenriz was a decent True Blue Cobber sort of guy, and I  am glad to hear Varg saying so, as Varg seems to be the same way. Morality Matters.

I know fenriz was in a deep depression for a few years…..did he drink more during that time? how did he come out of it? how does he keep from going back? what kind of women and people does he hang out with? he seems pretty social. how much does he really drink? why did his marriage end? was that related to his depression?

these are the important questions to me hahahahaha.

but yeah i cant help but feel he is capable of even more, that he IS a truly smart and moral man, and it would be GREAT if he stepped up the same way varg has, get a nice white wife and have 6 white children, but he just hasn’t made that Leap into Political, Religious, and Metaphysical Thinking. And I know that Drinking can hold you back from doing that. So I cant help but want to have fenriz stop drinking for like a year, cold turkey, and see what changes happen. I think he is totally CAPABLE of doing this.

interesting that varg is making this video though. why not just contact fenriz and be like hey ole buddy lets hang out and get caught up.

but i dont think varg and fenriz were super besties either. but fenriz was probably the black metal guy varg liked the most. they definitely like each other hahaha. and it sounds like culto did not hang out much because he didnt like the people. varg didnt much like the people. fenriz is a good guy who got along with everyone.

so who WERE vargs friends? people not into black metal. what were these people like? whats vargs rel like with HIS father and his brother?

so many questions hahahaha.

anyway i think a varg fenriz meeting now would be very productive for them both. and i think varg could push fenriz to realize his full potential. this is the fanfic movie I would make hahahahaha.

like my fanfic sequel to the big lebowski that redeems the classic characters into nondegenerates hahaha.

or my fanfic sequel to king of the hill, 10+ years later, where bobby is like 30 years old in Current Year.

hahahahahahahahahaha.

so i am tempted to post a comment on vargs video to encourage him to Reach Out to Fenriz.

thing is, Fenriz is totally in his Comfort Zone. he’s happy doing what he’s doing.

i dunno. i just like proselytizing Traditional Family Values to All White People. I see a good white man who i think would be a good father, and I think it’s a SHAME that he DOESNT Leave a Legacy. And I’m not talking about timeless music or even The Fame Of A Dead Man’s Deeds!

cattle may die, Kinsmen may die, sure, but just as fame of dead mens deeds don’t die, so do kinsmens kinsmens kinsmens kin dont die hahahahahahahahahahahahaha.

varg with his 6000000 children could speak to this better than I could. but see i am sold on this way of life way more than i am on fenriz’s. and i mean that in the nicest possible way to fenriz. im not judging him as a Degen Nihilist Slut Negro Mentality.

hey maybe fenriz thinks he would be a bad father.

i mean shit i KNOW i would be a terrible father because i cant even take care of MYSELF. but i might have POTENTIAL to BECOME good father material, i think all white men do. and i think fenriz has enough money. i am SURE many of his colleagues at the post office have children! also i would totally support him doing one sell out show of darkthrone to make money for his family!

i mean nocturno CULTO has children for gods sakes. mr hateful culto who doesnt like anybody managed to get woma/en to birth two children for him.

now i do think that deadbeat fathers are like that simply because they had children when they WERENT READY. but i do believe that ALL white men are capable of becoming ready to be good fathers. that these deadbeat fathers could have one day been good fathers if they just KEPT IT IN THEIR PANTS and didnt bang sluts without a rubber when they were too young to handle a kid. typcal N behavior hahahaha.

like i WOULD LIKE to be a good father someday, but if i had a child right now with some white trash slut, i would run away like a coward. i cant take care of a child!

and this is totally understandable at 20…..much less understandable at 30.

a LOT is SUPPOSED to happen between 20 and 30. but for me it really DIDNT. because YOU are supposed to MAKE that stuff happen with a LOT of Hard Work, effort, energy, and agency! it doesnt just HAPPEN on its own!

i didnt realize that until i was 30 hahahaha. well ok, maybe 26 hahahaha. well, i always KNEW it but ran away from that responsibility by drinking until i was 26.  sheeeeeeeit kinda wish i had gotten Busted a few years earlier! 22, 23, that would have been great year to stop drinking hehee.

and yet I STILL want to do MJ!!! it clouds your mind in a diff way than alcohol…….but it definitely clouds your mind! impairs your judgment in all things!

bbbbbbut my mind is clouded ANYWAY with hate and despair and fear and worry and anxiety and bad negative attitude and feels and r9k and incel and foreveralone and entitlement and elliot rodger and the red pill and niceguytm and K all normies and all that hahaha. at least being clouded with MJ or alcohol is a step up in terms of being more pleasant and positive!

ayo hol up hol up. so ALCOHOL would be POSITIVE?

MJ would be POSITIVE but ALCOHOL isn’t?

everythings a damn slippery slope hahaha.

well honestly i have no or very little desire to drink alcohol, it just doesnt APPEAL to me.

MJ on the other hand, APPEALS to me like none other.

what would fenriz do? drink beer, PROBABLY smoke some MJ, listen to metal, and have fun.

what would varg do? drink non-alcoholic beer, work on his russian lada car, make videos with not-his-best ambient music in the background hahahahahaha and proudly parade his beautiful children and live out the 14 words. and judge degenerates as degenerate. i mean yeah thats really appealing too!

but he’s not a neet virgin see! he’s a PRINCIPLED MAN, an honorable strong alpha man, with nice wife and a HORDE of beautiful blond blue eyed aryan children!!!!!!! he gets to BE autistic and live in isolation……with his young wife and 6 kids!!!!!!!! BIG difference between that and a neet basement dweller virgin! varg has had secs 6 times hahahahahahaha.

well these men are entitled to their privacy. im actually shocked that varg has Opened Himself Up so much to the world. I’m happy, because he sets a GREAT example, but he’s compromising his own privacy in a way I thought he never would.

maybe i should attempt to get an interview with FENRIZ, because he supposedly does hundreds of interviews whenever they do a new album. so my interview with fenriz will include all those questions about his personal life: his ex wife the artist, his GF’s, his FWB’s, his normie friends, his job, his family, his drinking, what he thinks about MJ, why doesnt culto scream like he used to, why is there one classic song on their new album but the rest is kinda meh, why dont you want kids, here’s why you should have kids, here’s why you should should go and hang out with varg and his family for a week, heres why you should quit drinking for a year and just see what happens, here’s why you need to pass on your damn genes and not just your music. you are SO CLOSE. have a rea come to jesus talk with him.

you can still do your radio show. i might even start listening to your radio show. you can still listen to metal. wouldnt you like a family to share your metal with hahahahaha.

is it he cant find a good woman? i doubt that. or does he just prefer sluts because muh dick? well he needs to get out of that muh dick mindset!

whats better, to be a muh dick white negro, or a hateful neet incel elliott rodger KV who cant even pull SLUTS?????

its honestly worst to be the neet virgin! then youre WORSE THAN A NEGRO!!!!! ME!!!! Thats where I am right now!

the PRINCIPLED, MORAL white man is worse than a degen muh dick negro, “simply” because this particular principled moral white man is also a neet loser virgin!!!!!!!! that is muh trump card!

so when fenriz was 21 he was still working at the post office (prob full time) and would get off his shift, buy a case of beer, and come over and hang out at euronymous’s shop and drink the beer, according to varg. i mean not that thats not a credible story!

basically, fenriz was able to live the life of a 21 year old normie: FT job like an adult, but also partying, socializing, drinking, having friends, probably GF’s, AND being in a band and making tons of music. classic, timeless music that will never die. while also being Sorta Immature and Drinking a Little Too Much, like a 21 year old man in his Party Phase.

so yeah i cant relate to that AT ALL, because I have so little experience in successfully working a FT job or being a normie. when he drank he did it right, when i drank i did it wrong. basically these were NORMIES!!!!!!

that is a weird thought, that the kvlt black metal guys i like are just more damn NORMIES. NORMIES GONNA NORM.

i am triggering the shit out of leftist reddist phaggots, who hate the term normies, cuz only niceguy broken men entitled incel r9k neets use the word. shit yeah.

and VARG is essentially a normie because he was hanging out with GRILLS from a proper age.

fenriz got grills, varg got grills, shit even euronymous probably got slutty grills hahahahaha.

you know who didnt get grills? probably dead. well, maybe he got one grill, got his heart broke, then K’d himself hahahaha. [pure speculation]

i hear that dead was a truly weird, lonely soul, not of this world…….and also that he was  a real nice sweet sensitive guy. im sure it was closer to the latter.  and then of course you try to add the grim early 90s norwegian black metal SPIN to that, and he becomes a twisted, dark, cold, lonely, hateful soul, one with death hahahaha.

maybe fenriz should have helped him learn Game to Game those white sluts hahahaha. or he could have gotten euronymous’s sloppy seconds.

but thats the thing about neet virgins…..THEY (we) CANT EVEN PULL DIRTY SLOPPY SECONDS SLUTS!!!!!!!!!!

so that is really a confidence killer!!!!!! the worst, easiest women dont even want us for a roll in the hay!

i mean i dont really care about “the scene”……………….but I do really like burzum and darkthrone, who were huge figures in “the scene”, so there you go. plus they are all interesting PEOPLE with interesting STORIES. and to top it all off, they made actually interesting music. and they continue to be interesting people 25 years later…..even if their music is less interesting.

so yeah. varg fenriz reunion nao.

rej email from 17 an hour county clerical job. SHEEEEEEEEEEEEEIT. i mean 17 dollars, 34k, thats WITHIN REACH for me a lot more than a goddam 40k job. so a rejection from a 34k job actually stings MORE than a rej from a 40k job.

at least for a 24k job, i could convince myself that they rej me because I was “overqualified.”

not so much for a 34k job. thats right in that sweet spot. i mean my glassdoor market value is 35k! the FEDGOV technically COULD pay me 34k as well!

really, I shouldnt apply for jobs MORE than 34k, and I honestly try NOT to……….

but most jobs are far above or far below 34k!!!!!!!!

slow genocide of the Middle Class hahahaha. hollowing out of the middle. the 34k’ers.

i mean i just want to make the average wage of my state/region/area, which is AROUND 13 dollars an hour, 26k a year. anything more is a BLESSING.

also, why do companies do Massive Layoffs, when they could just do Massive Pay Cuts instead? then people could keep their jobs at least, and there will absolutely be unhappy people who will quit voluntary. more cost savings there goy.  so yeah i dont understand why companies will just cut jobs entirely when they COULD just cut wages.

or CANT they. because the numbers dont crunch out that way.  you dont save enough MONEY by just cutting WAGES, you HAVE to cut JOBS if you want to save enough MONEY.

hmm apparently you cant buy gift cards online at gift card granny where you can save 5% or more off the face value. not a bad deal. like get a 25 dollar gift card for 23 dollars. not bad if you are looking to buy some gift cards……which i am!

maybe fenriz doesnt WANT to have kids ok? maybe hes happy with his life just the way it is!!!!

i mean not everyone WANTS to have kids!

yeah but a lot of people DO.

and the white race is kind of at a precarious position right now. so that if you care about the white race AT ALL (and I most certainly DO!!!!) then its kinda your DUTY to have kids. ESPECIALLY if you are of means.

and if you are NOT of means?

then GET of means ASAP mother fooker, because we are having a RACE WAR!!!!!!!!!!

otto skorzeny did not move to the US and was not your GF’s grandfather bro! he moved to spain and or ireland and even worked with the mossad for a bit.

listen to this good goy. 6 million jooz murdered by the n4z15 in the h010c4u5t. sounds like a wacky conspiracy theory tinfoil hat guy hahahahaha.

travel channel show. that old man you met was NOT otto skorzeny. how could you believe he was.

so yeah doing fun social thing today, which is not something i usually do, which is a step in the right direction for me. just be nice and smile and say thank you. baby steps. dont even worry about keeping up with Witty Banter. to me its always like a competition, who can do the wittiest banter, but thats not REALLY what it is, its just people who enjoy doing witty banter with each other and it comes very easily and naturally. only for me is it such a challenging competition! they dont care that im not the wittiest!

for a brief window of time, when i was about 21 or 22, i was kinda a social drunk fenriz character. i hung out a lot, also drank a lot, and had some small measure of charisma or celebrity. a lot of it was a bad reputation as a drunken wildman who said ridiculous things. NOT the type of thing I want to be remembered for. yet it was interesting having some amount of “popularity”.  probably the closest i got to being a normie. was able to parlay it into casual flings with two casual gurls. then my 15 minutes of fame were OVER.  and IMHO I wasted it drinking and being ridiculous and I was largely misunderstood. i would rather be remembered as a Nice, Moral, Honorable Man, than some Salty Loose Cannon Drunk Crank.

 

THIS IS THE LIFE IVE CHOSEN

HOW is this the life I’ve chosen hahahahahaha.

oct 25

sheeeeeeeeeeeit.  interview this afternoon with banking company, easy back office super entry level high school job hahahaha.  but i cant get a sweet 35k Recent Graduates or Pathways job with FEDGOV, so as an Old Graduate, Im forced to settle for a 25k nongraduate job hahahahaha. THIS IS THE LIFE IVE CHOSEN. THIS IS THE HAND IVE BEEN DEALT. I CHOSE THIS hahahaha.

well thats contradictory: you dont CHOOSE the hand you get DEALT by the dealer. its all chance. fate.

yeah but i made a bunch of poor decisions and mistakes that led me to where i am today, so, indeed, THIS IS THE LIFE IVE CHOSEN.

I was in a C++ coding class with this guy who always used to say that. he was prob severely depressed, maybe 45 years old, working FT i think with mainframes, and i had no idea why he was in the class. he sounded like he had been working with code for years. i guess he didnt know c++, and he also wanted to chip away at his degree so he could get a better job. at age 50. even though he was already working like 60 hours a week in a tech job. he would chain smoke during the break in the 3 hour class and say THIS IS THE LIFE IVE CHOSEN and sigh despairing and demoralizingly.  hahahahahahaha. great guy.

maybe he was a virgin or a woman hater too! hahaha. or a Creepy, Abusive, Controlling, Clingy, Needy, Immature, Toxic, Narcissistic Bad Man.

the obvious response is: HOW IS THIS THE LIFE IVE CHOSEN??!?!?!?! I DIDNT CHOOSE THIS!!!! DID I?!?!?!?! I DONT REMEMBER CHOOSING THIS!!!! NOBODY ASKED ME! NOBODY TOLD ME!!! I DIDNT KNOW!!!!!

IGNORANCE OF THE LAW IS NO EXCUSE. THIS IS THE LIFE YOUVE CHOSEN.

you chose it without KNOWING you were choosing it, or what you were choosing. but you chose it nonetheless.

god damn. how the hell did i not apply for one of those recent grad pathways jobs with FEDGOV when i was a recent grad? because i was immature AF as well as a jooish marxist who believed fedgov was an evil behemoth oppressive nonwhites at home and abroad. how could i become a part of the bloated military industrial complex used to oppress and kill innocent nonwhite wimmin and children in iraq and syria and afghanistan.

like they were just GIVING AWAY 35k entry level jobs to 22 year old shitheads like me. i mean its prob competitive as shit. but i DID have Superior GPA from a Name School, so i think i did technically have a chance. now I got no chance because im not even ELIGIBLE. Im too old. i missed the boat. the fast track. now i am on the nowhere track.

they have more Recent Grad Pathways jobs than they do Basic Bitch GS 05 jobs!!!!!!!!!!!!

i coulda been a contender, i coulda started at gs07, but now id be happy AF to take 05! pleeeeease respond! please interview me! most of all please hire me!

this is how i kill 34 minutes before going to muh interview hehehe. i mean i got the big interview done yesterday. i already researched this company today, i researched them 2-3 weeks ago when i did the other interviews.

i could TECHNICALLY start a masterz degree program (BS online MBA) and then get into one of these pathways jobs hehehehehe.

i mean making alot of assumptions here. what if the pathways job is harder to get into than HARVARD or MIT. i just dont know.

“sort of ex/bf” wtf does that mean???? YOU DONT KNOW IF HES YOUR EX OR NOT???!!?!?!?!?!?!?!??!?!??!??!!

heh. at least i got that going for me. there is NO DOUBT that That Woman did not want to be with me. So now all I need to do is Forget About Her, and uhh learn the lessons and not make the same mistakes again. not be a COWARD again. be a MAN.

FIFTY DOLLARS to see MORRISSEY??? For 20 sure. for 30 maybe, a big maybe. i mean im not even a huge morrissey fan, i just respect what he’s done and i like the ridiculous lovesick grumpy image. i only know like 3 or 4 smiths songs and like 1 or 2 morrissey songs. 50$? rather spend it on MJ hahahahaha.

 

why dont you go to grad skool, you old white man. you get in what you put out. maybe if you CAREER FOCUSED like WOMEN you wouldnt be in this mess.

way to have a NEGATIVE, ENTITLED attitude that employers can SMELL a MILE away. go to THERAPY and fix your negative entitled attitude.

i was thinking about posting just to give him sympathy but then the post got locked. prob cuz it got very heated in there with people piling on this poor guy. IMHO, he is ENTITLED to have a negative attitude!

did i even talk about the interview? it was ok enough, i was nervous and rambling. i appreciated that they werent trying to RUSH me out of there in 45 minutes. it ended up being damn 90 minutes. i get the impression they give people all the time they need to Hire and Interview. i was a little exhausted at the end of it. the person was nice enough.

unfort there is also a damn second interview. i didnt expect a second interview for this damn 13 dollar an hour job. well i mean i didnt expect it to be a part of the process. but i would like this job so i DO want to get invited to the second interview.  but its also discouraging. i dont think ive ever made it to a second interview. i mean i am honestly sick of interviewing. 27 interviews and no job hahahahaha. well, i am a little TOO picky about jobs because i know I would prob K myself at a restaurant or fast food or grocery job. so i am trying to get a damn office job.

well just get a “transitional” job. well thats the thing. well sure you have to bullshit like its not transitional and you want to work at this shady restaurant the rest of your life.

well i can handle a lot more than i THINK i can handle, when I am not having Huge Personal Drama with a Woman at the job.

so if any one of these 27 places said yes, i could have probably handled it. for a year or so. then ragequit. then spent the next 15 months trying to find new job haha.

well the manager i talked to knew one of muh references, sort of. i will take that as a good sign. a SIGN from GAWWWWWDDDDDDDD. much like seeing that woman from my old job, working at the place i interviewed yesterday. not sure what is the better sign.

or it just means nothing hehehehe.

now i feel strangely tired. even though i got plenty of sleep. i always get plenty of sleep. too much sleep! i worry how i would be able to handle working 50 hours a week! i would literally have to do nothing but work and sleep. no exercise, no chores, no family, no 1488 podcasts, no powerwalks, no writing hahaha.

but heres the thing, i cant go RIGHT TO SLEEP after work because im too worried and my mind spinning and reeling about work stuff. the best thing i can do is take a ton of MJ, relax a bit, and THEN go study for 90 minutes or so, to give me a sense of confidence on the Work Material and that I am Ready for the crazy day tomorrow. so thats at least 2 hours of post-work home stuff there.

for a person that likes to spend 12 hours a day in bed, that is hard to swing hahahaha.

is it normal to spend 12 hours a day in bed? what is it a symptom of? despair? laziness?

i dont spend the WHOLE TIME sleeping. but uhh I do spend about 10 hours sleeping. 10 hours sleeping every night. the average is 7 hours. come on. but i feel like i cant FUNCTION hahahaha.

i mean yeah for a while i WAS a normie, getting 7 hours of sleep, working super stressful job all day every day. i was paying my dues just like everyone else.

but i just want a job where i can do tasks. have a routine. not have so much god damn change and confusion and being SLAMMED and having to explain and fix shit you didnt understand. its your job to answer the phone and there are calls always waiting in the queue.

heh the best was when i was on like a 90 minute call and i really had to urinate because i had been drinking a lot of coffee and water. i have actually put the caller on hold, ran out of the room and urinated, then came back to continue the call 2 minutes later with no one the wiser. because i was constantly putting the caller on hold for 5 minutes at a time to “research” or “get some advice” or run such and such a program.

but yeah that was HORRIBLE. i guess theoretically i could have asked the caller for permission so i could go to the Restroom. newbs would think, well why cant you just call them back.

ONE DOES NOT SIMPLY CALL THEM BACK because then you are in OUTBOUND call mode and that counts as Not Ready and you have to be Ready 85% of the time.  you are only ready when you are Inbound. on an inbound call, or those times when you are waiting for an inbound call.

i dont remember those times so much but we actually had them. but those times kinda sucked too because you were on the edge of your seat worried about when you would get that call and what it would be. i couldnt just Chill Out.

but yeah technically it WAS better than having one call after the other, to at least get a couple minutes between calls to rest or maybe even talk to your neighbor and try to convince yourself you were a normal human being who knew how to talk to people.

i dont want to work in a goddamn call center on inbound calls ever again! is that so illegit of me???!?!?!?!?!?!

its not like i wont serve customers or talk to people! i will give customer service! I will even sit in the inbound call queue for……..2 hours a day hahahaha. maybe even 3. but not fookin EIGHT hours a day.

i just hate that i WASNT TOUGH ENOUGH. I wasnt tough enough but SHE was.

 

wait until she leaves him for one of her more interesting male friends, he is right to be “insecure.” also he is shamed for thinking casual sex is wrong and not liking that his GF had a FWB casual sex partner. shamed by all the casual sex NIHILIST sluts of reddit.

feel pretty exhausted, not sure why. was it really because of muh 90 minute interview? i think so. but i used to do the equivalent of 8 hours of interviews every day at work. and yeah i was exhausted too but i couldnt sleep because my mind was RACING and worried.

right now im not worried and mind racing thank GOD. but i shouldnt be THIS tired. just from a 85 minute interview. i mean i sleep 10 hours a day. i cant upgrade the citalopram any more said the dr, 40 mg is maximum dose. the other option is that i could add wellbutrin. who knows. might do that. keep adding shit until one day i can HANDLE Normie Life. not even a Rel! but just a normie job. like the ones i interviewed for today and yesterday.

int tommorow, i am barely even preparing. i have talked to these people TWICE before, taken like FOUR tests with them, also this is a part time job, i am sick of doing prep work for them. but this part time job pays pretty well (15 an hour) and i would not turn it down AT ALL. I would welcome it.

just too many god damn college “educated” professional women on reddit. thinking they are all smart and progressive with their horrible nihilistic “progressive” “values.”

anyway i am a VERY low key guy and i would not like the “rockstar” gf like this guy has. its fine and dandy she has “CHOSEN” him but i guarantee shes gonna end up CHOOSING one of her more interesting male friends, and his “insecurities” will be 100% correct. he would be better off with a low key person like him, someone who doesnt have FWB’s.

i certainly want a low key woman. That Woman was very low key and did not like to party at all. no drinking, no going out, just staying in with the family, no tons of male friends. i LUVED that about her. i mean i have dealt with the other type of woman too. too many male friends, sluts, etc. college sluts that probably use reddit now and give horrible advice.

anyway i just worry that I singlehanded Ruined my rel with that woman because of My Issues that I should have been Getting Therapy for!!!!!!

but i HAVE been going to Some Therapy and taking medz every day!

oh god what a butt slut hahahahahahahaha

at the age of 24 shes ONLY had THREE serious enough relationships (out of 600000000000 secs partners) that she Luved enough to let them put it in the ass. THANKS.

anyway didnt mean to get on a tangent there.  i just dont want to RUIN rels with My Issues. Insecurities and Anxiety and Despair and Hate and Judgeyness hahahahaha. oh you had 3 FWBs thats gross and NIHILISTIC hahahaha. well it is.

well i mean reddit said its FRIENDS with benefits and its not nihilistic, its not disrespectful, and it involves communication and respect and mutual appreciation, you are not just using people for secs nihilistically.

so THEORETICALLY its something I MAY be capable of. like if i met a qt young gurl who i thought, oh yeah shes attractive i wouldnt mind having secs with her.

but if she was a decent person and i got along with her as a FRIEND, AND was secsually attracted to her…….i would CERTAINLY get some kind of FEELINGS very quickly.

so i dont understand how these FWBs just dont end up Dating.  you get along with the person as a friend, which is HUGE, AND you are secsually attracted to them, with is HUGE, and together with the getting along? i mean shit it sounds like something that would work really well as Dating, so why the f not do that?

like i was good friends with that woman and wished i could date someone i got along with that well. and then i started thinking of her secsually…..and boom the FEELINGS came right along with that.

so yeah FWB points to the nihilistic shit of being able to separate secs from feelings, which IMHO is nihlistic and wrong and disturbing, just like that anxious niceguy(tm) OP says in that reddit where he was shamed.

fookin interviews. sick of this shit hahahahaha.

DONT WALK ALL OVER A DOORMAT AND THEN COMPLAIN ABOUT HIM BEING A DOORMAT

IT TAKES TWO TO MAKE A DOORMAT.

all these women complaining about nice guy doormats. YES I AGREE it sucks to have people THROWING themselves asking to be WALKED ON, but THAT DOESNT MEAN YOU HAVE TO DO IT!!!!! Use it as a teaching moment to leave them better than you found them. say, stand up man! Dont let people walk all over you! and feel SHAME on Yourself if YOU ever walk on people!

GOOD WOMEN DONT WALK ON MEN!

DONT WALK ALL OVER A DOORMAT AND THEN COMPLAIN ABOUT HIM BEING A DOORMAT!

BETTER TO LIGHT A CANDLE THAN CURSE THE DARKNESS!!!!!!!!!!!!!

i never walked on people. i wouldnt feel RIGHT walking on people. id say, this is fookin retarded, get up man, im not gonna WALK on you, have some damn self respect man!

yep so reading the controversial stuff from march 2015 (1.5 years ago hahaha) its obvious i should have

  1. just left it all alone, which i OBVIOUSLY couldnt do, so therefore my best option was
  2. just Confess and Blurt It Out right then and there. STOP WAITING FOR THE PERFECT MOMENT to talk to her because she wasnt gonna take it. the best I could have done is send her a one page email stating all the facts in as unemotional a way as possible and say, welp heres the explanation for all this. now just reject me already and lets move on with our lives and not have too much butthurt.

 

 

heh i kinda wish That Woman was all sad because YES IT IS, I GET IT, that losing a friend is HARD, even if you arent losing a Lover. So I wanted to know that she was UPSET to lose me as a friend, because that means i MEANT something to her as a friend, which i was PRETTY SURE I did. And she meant something to ME as a friend too! and then shit CHAAAAANNNGGGGED!!!!!! How is this SO HARD to understand! FEELINGS CHANGE!!!!!! Just Friends shit can CHANGE to wanting to be more than friends! its not ULTERIOR MOTIVES!!!!!

i guess i was/am trying to convince myself i didnt have ulterior motives. becuase i wouldnt like ulterior motives either. but deep down i guess i know it wasnt ulterior motives.

but i can see how you might think its ulterior motives, and i really want to convince you it wasnt, because i know how bad ulterior motives are.

 

hehehehe

 

i mean this stuff HAPPENS, its not just ulterior motives. but do WOMEN ever get feelings for their GUY friends, or it it always the other way around? i dunno. knowing women and how stupid and ridiculous they are, they probably dont, hahahahaha. why not? because they are meeting fun, interesting, secsy, eligible NEW guys ALL THE TIME. just a revolving door of neverending new guys. never any need to RETHINK anything because there is always someone NEW,

women are CONSTANTLY meeting new guys. men meet like one new woman a year. women meet a new guy EVERY DAY.

shit yeah men are more easily replaceable. its just a fact of life. get used to it.

yeah well that has been hard for me. i hate being replaced hahahaha. it takes 2 years for me to get over it every time.

and now all these people are piling on the man as the bad guy here, because he was friends with her, and as soon as she says no i wont fook you, he DUMPS her and turns his back. its all about SECS and FOOKING to these women, they dont even know what LUV is, and they cant understand that feelings happen sometimes, and its really hard to turn off feelings, and sometimes you need to be away from the person in order to get over your feelings, because they dont have feelings for you! and they call that dumping your friend because she didnt want to fook you. way to totally miss the point in the most jooish way possible. its like they never had unrequited luv for a friend before hahahaha. and they probably HAVENT! men understand what this is like………women do not.

yes they are like a separate species! damn! they dont know any of our feels and we dont know any of their feels!

good thing she hurts! but i GUARANTEE SHE will get over him a LOTTTTTTTTTTTTTTT quicker than he gets over her! it will take him two YEARS, it will take her 2 months, tops.

interviews monday tuesday AND wednesday. that is a first. 3 interviews in 3 days. i mean how can I NOT get a Job Offer pretty soon? hehehehe.heh.

probably because i have Stopped Trying on the interviews. but I still dont do markedly WORSE. but i am remarkably not self aware hahahaha. i write about myself all day and im still not self aware hehe.

sheeeit back in march 2015 i was smokin MJ regularly. the best thing was to just put it in a regular cigarette. take out maybe half of the filter. and then you could easily smoke those outdoors.

heh. you know why i get jealous when you go hang out and meet all these new guys? because one of these new guys youre gonna think is more interesting and secsy than me and i dont want u to leave me!

i mean people can do what they WANT. no ones entitled to anything. just saying its god damn competitive AF out there, when your GF is meeting all these hot new guys all the time, and you are pretty average at best. hows she NOT gonna leave you for one of them, when you take all this extra effort to appreciate?

i have Being Dumped issues because women have had NO PROBLEM dumping me when the time came. showing me EXACTLY how much value they thought I had As A Mate. NO PROBLEM replacing me with a Sexier Man. Doesnt mean those men were Essentially Superior Humans to Me, in GODS Eyes…………but the women I was trying to get with sure thought so!!!!!!!

so hell yeah i have ISSUES about that! anyone would!!!!!

not saying i agree with this, but wouldnt it be an incentive for the state to legalize MJ if there were HUGE TAX REVENUE they could get from it? like if people make more money with it being illegal (police, law enforcement, pharm, alcohol, lawyers, jails), then WHY NOT add SO MUCH TAX to it that the state would make more money off the TAX than they would off all these other things. which means it would have to be a damn high tax. like maybe 20% hahahaha.

basically, how much tax would be ENOUGH for State Govt to approve legal MJ?

i mean i would be willing to pay a HUGE tax.

now im DEFINITELY not saying that that tax money would be used wisely. roads would still be falling apart, schools would still be shitty, infrastructure would still be shitty, there would still be no jobs, and all the money would just go to state workers and politicians salaries and pensions hahahaha, even if it brought in in a trillion bux a year. but shouldnt that be enough to convince THEM?

how about a 100% tax rate. buy a $100 bag of MJ for $200 and $100 goes to the state. how could the state not want that.

hahahahahaha

so i will be speaking to the director of IT tomorrow, he has a very impressive linkedin and has accomplised 14880000000000000000000000 times the things i have at around the same age i am.

they mentioned another guy would be there too, they just mentioned a first name that sounded very informal, i looked up people named this at the company, and thats the CEO’s first name. he goes by this informal kind of nickname. he has a PHD from CAMBRIDGE. I mean thats intimidating as FOOK. do I really NEED all that? i am just trying to make 12 dollars an hour here. you dont need to have your cambridge phd ceo fooking talk to me.

oh i bet he has a wife and children too. and gets respect from people. well hes EARNED it!

the company is probably making at least 30 million a year in revenue and they want ME to speak to the CEO. i mean ive seen this before, where there were RIDICULOUSLY high up people in the interview for basically an entry level position.

trying to do some research on company, interview prep right now, printing shit. gonna run out of this “new” black print cartridge i just bought like a month ago. lucky if a print cart can last for 10 interviews hehehe.

right now posting some stuff from april 2015, when i was still talking to her. it is sad. real sad. i am very embarrassed and ashamed of how cowardly and weak and stupid i was. shes not a bad person. i wasnt trying to play mind games with her, but im sure i ended up confusing her anyway. she was having a tuff time in life. the best thing i could have done was be direct. and i wasnt. you think she was mature enough to handle that at 24 years old? come on.

i mean i didnt want to manipulate her either. i was just SO DESPERATE to hang out with her, and she just kept avoiding it. so why didnt i say, well she OBVIOUSLY doesnt want to hang out! so stop bugging her, OR JUST SAY WHAT I WANT TO SAY AND BE DONE WITH IT.

so it is painful seeing myself acting so idiotically against this poor little confused gurl.

but i was confused too. i wasnt trying to manipulate or control her. i just want to hang out. and i just couldnt accept reality though.

i wish i had the BALLS just to say what I was really thinking though. just be a MAN and be like LISTEN. HERES THE THING. I’ve started to like like you over the past couple months. this affects our rel and we HAVE to deal with it.

not cutesy bullshit like i missssssssss you and lets hang out soon bla bla bla.

I WAS ACTING LIKE A WOMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

so yeah hope i dont have too many throwback posts like that, becuase i need to move on from that. i mean i learned my lesson and hopefully i wont do the same shameful shit again.

which isnt to say shes blameless. she could have done better too.

but i was no innocent either.

but im not a bad guy, shes not a bad person either, we were just two decent people who used to be good friends, both acting very weakly and cowardly, and the entire rel crumbling and dying as a result, and it was just SAAADDDDDDD AS FOOOOOOOK.  Like i say im not ANGRY at her, i haven’t really EVERY gotten ANGRY except BEFORE it ended. After it ended, I’ve just been SADDDDDDD AS FOOOOOOOOK. Cuz it really IS!

talking to the CEO. WHY would they throw out this second name, you’ll be talking to director if IT john kimball, and also billy. who the fook is billy. (not actual name.)

Why not say Billy Smith, CEO of the 500-employee company??????

so that means the job pays at least 40k right?

36k is National Average. i mean even that is a little HIGH for me, thinking well ive settled for 12 an hour, no WAY anyone would ACTUALLY pay me 18 an hour!

maybe the CEO just sits in on SOME interviews for FUN when he has the time and is not having power lunches or doing photo ops. he has a free hour, they’re doing an interview, whoopee, might as well drop in and terrify the Supplicating Dogsbody for a 12 dollar an hour job when I make 200k a year. I make TEN TIMES what he does.

It’s just not a WHITE thing to do to LORD your influence over other white men like that. And I’m pretty sure the guy is white. CEO with a phd in engin from cambridge, about 65 years old. gotta be white.

so she was just an immature little gurl, didnt know any better, dindu nuffin. yeah but she had like 5 years more relship and secs experience than me!

but THATS AS A WOMAN! WOMEN dont do any ACTUAL WORK or EFFORT or TRYING in relships! they dont learn any actual SKILLS like communication, empathy, sympathy, kindness, compassion, love, etc hahahahaha.

they can have 10 years of relship experience and still be CHILDREN!!!

anyway. interview tomorrow. another humiliation hahaha. no really MOST of the people ive talked to have been NICE.

but yeah i am ashamed i didnt do better. i really shat the bed. she kinda shat the bed too, but that much is on her. but I shat the bed too and I am ashamed of it and never want to make the same mistake again.

i dont think not shitting the bed would have made her Luv me…..but it prob would have saved some pain and butthurt from The End.

Shit just hire a shrink EVERY DAMN TIME you want to End A Rel. because you are gonna be so emotionally compromised you’ll fook it up every damn time. so just pay a shirnk 50 bucks to do it for you.

i just wish i had not been such a weak, pathetic, stupid bitch. i wish i could look back and say i was proud of how i acted. that i handled this like a grown, honorable, respectable, mature white man. and that i didnt act like a little girl.

i mean i wasnt Abusive or Creepy so I guess that is good, but I was pushy and needy and immature like a little girl. not my finest hour hahaha.

shaved face with actual razor today instead of electric shaver, its an interesting alternative and prob a closer shave.

oh well. im going to interviews. IM TRYING. IM TRYING. IM MAKING AN EFFORT hahahahaha. im not just sitting here like a lazy negro. i have done 486 applications and 27 interviews. and still cant get a 24k job with health care hahahaha.

i dunno. it just chaps my ass that 25 year old women arent mature enough to do work in a relationship and communication, but they ARE mature enough to get masters degrees and make 60k a year, and i am not mature enough to hold down a 30k a year job without Flaming Out and Breaking Down under the pressure.

really grinds my gears hahahaha.

this IT Ninja I am interviewing with has been working 20 years in IT, much of it higher level / management, but didnt finish his bachelors degree until he was successful in his career, in something COMPLETELY unrelated and useless. I mean he is the type they make MBA In IT Degrees for so he can be a good CIO.

but he probably makes too much money to want to do that, he can always get good paying work, he knows he’s got Valuable Skills. i bet he’s married as fook hahaahahahaha. i mean he’s been very gainfully employed for the past TWENTY YEARS and sounds like a charismatic, can-do guy, judging by the 10 diff recommendations from people on his linkedin. ideally i would do this, but i cant really. get linkedin recs i mean.

anyway i have to drive past HER workplace in order to get to interview/workplace tomorrow. and what if she were outside the office smoking a cig or something. well she probably quit smoking cigs, like a responsible successful person.

i should stop attacking her, because she is broken hearted that she lost a Dear Friend, ie Me! it HURTS to lose a friend!

hehehehe tell me about it. hey i lost a friend too.

oh so youre hurting? not my problem. go to a shrink. hehehehehehe.

i also hate reddit for assuming that 25 year old women are not mature enough to be responsible for their decisions and lives. and for being against getting married young and having children young. and that you are only mature once you hit 30.

yeah well this may be the case with a lot of people, but my god they are REALLY against people getting married before like age 25 at the absolutely earliest. especiall for women. men dont really matter. but women need to get all that EXPERIENCE and have all those ADVENTURES and make all those MISTAKES.  youre only ready to marry once youre 30 and have taken 30 cox.

heh. watching a ridic old sherlock holmes episode and its the guy from raiders of the lost ark, the nervous creepy nazi “toht”. wearing a ridiculous wig. is that the same guy? kinda looks like him.  i have never seen him in anything else.

http://www.imdb.com/title/tt2043454/?ref_=nm_flmg_act_16

yes its the same guy, ronald lacey.

ANYWAY. he died in 1991 of CANCER.  and had to use a colostomy bag since he was like 20 years old. well he still managed to have at least two children.

yeah thats the thing. its a REAL MIXED BAG, age 25 is, for women. some are mature, some are not. but i think they should be more mature than immature. i mean yeah I was immature then, and now, but I SHOULDNT HAVE BEEN. Thats WAY too old to be immature.

yeah well i had never done this before, never had this experience, never fell in luv with a friend, i didnt think i ever would. so i guess that thing wasnt INGRAINED in me by age 25! like i think everything is INGRAINED by age 25. you can still do plnety of learning and changing after that. thank god.

so….you can get a shady doctor to sign a MMJ rec, BUT the state licensing agency doesnt need to APPROVE it and send you your state approved card! actually the state DENIES about 20% of the applications they get every year! but why?????? do some doctors have a reputation as shoddy? probably. under investigation by LE? probably.

but dont they just raid the dispensaries? do they really care about doctors? ive only heard ONE news story in the past 5 years or so about a doctor getting charged with MJ card fraud.

OR should i complain about Severe Pain next time i see my regular doc, THEN get recrods printed, take those to MMJ doctor?

should i be trying to Scam The System like this? doesnt that LOOK BAD for MMJ in general, and also for Legal MJ in general?

hey just charge 100% tax and legalize it! legalize, tax, and regulate it, oh great state hahahahaha.

i mean honestly its a great safety net. i could have the Worst Day At Work of Angry Customers Demanding Explanations, and it would be easier to take knowing I had some MJ waiting at home for me!

i honestly LUV it the way i luv a waifu. it is one of the best REWARDS for me. like giving a dog a treat or giving a kid candy/ice cream. or give the normie his cuddly gf. give me some mj.

i also wish i hadnt overdone the drinking, so that i could go out with normies drinking, as a way to Team Build. you will have an easier time at Work if you go out drinking with your Team, otherwise you look like the Office Weirdo, and they are gonna try to Force You Out and Bullycide you hahahahaha.

if they REALLY have me talk to the CEO of a 300 person, 30 million a year company, i am gonna write 6000000 words on it hahahaha.

when you start a rel, start a FUND and put 50$ in it, so you can pay a shrink to facilitate the breakup. PREPAY for your inevitable breakup hahahaha. shit ill pay for it, just like a man paying for dinner. it’s well worth the 50$ to me. maybe even 100$. two sessions.

 

she makes 100k, he makes 35k, they are both 28 yo hahahahahahaha. look at this fookin normie making 35k at age 28 hahahahaha!!!!!!!!!!!!

what about men who get divorced at age 30, then dont date again till they are 45, and find that all the 30-45 women are HORRRRRRRRIBLE. all the ego of a 25 year old but none of the hotness to back it up. also more kids, more cox, more exes, more crazy. i dont want to date 35 year olds! except maybe for casual secs. but you cant have a FAMILY with 35 year old women!

i just worry i will never get that close to THAT high quality of a woman again and will always have to settle for LESS.

 

heres some great drama. I dont think he should GHOST her thought. just be like wow im really shocked you had an abortion, i dont think i can marry a baby murderer, or, maybe i can, lets talk about this.

i mean yeah i would be shocked too. but its probably better than cheating. maybe. its still pretty damn bad. i am very anti abortion, more than averaege.

also this woman is super retarded because she refuses to believe she was being dishonest. does not understand the concept of dishonesty by omission.

hmm maybe thats what i did to HER. lying by omission. i wasnt telling her about this big important thing.

well it all comes back to “I was PLANNING on telling her when we HUNG OUT because thats a BIG CONVERSATION that you cant have via text, needs to be done IN PERSON.”

which is true, BUTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTt

what i LEARNED was,

when they keep AVOIDING you for X months,

then YES, you DO tell them the big thing via text, because your rel is pretty much OVER anyway.

oct 24

posted a response on despair forums for the first time in months, felt like interacting with someone hhehe. a man suffering after a bad breakup, where she blamed him, said its all your fault, and blocked him for being smothering, when he wasnt. that has got to be hard to hear. i imean THAT WOMAN never accused me of being smothering, but i knew she was thinking it, and i know i can be, and i have tried NOT to be.

had interview with the healthcare place today, went ok, was nervous, always nervous, anticipating crucifixion. i asked whos this “billy” guy, is the CEO really gonna be here, and they said yeah he likes to sit in on a lot of interviews, but he had to go to a last minute business lunch, sorry he couldnt be here. I said thats fine, i am always happy to come in and talk to him later, or on the phone. but yeah. that WAS the CEO. very hands on CEO. damn.

talked to it director, and there were 2 women in there as well. kind of a low pressure interview. there was an 8 minute wonderlic Intelligence Test before everything started. i only got through 20 questions. sheeeeeeit.

i forgot to ask how many people were interviewing. i did ask about salary and did not say another place was muh number 1. i demonstrated knowledge of the company and said welp i dont have tons of working experience with SQL and C++ but I coursework in them and got all A’s. i like to take initiative to teach myself the things i need to know. i use google, do due diligence, and ask intelligent questions.

i said WELP i looked at glasdoor, says 35k is the average, but i’m looking to come in well below average because i am entry level, i made X at previous job, and i am looking for 14 to 16 here, but very flexible. i want to be in your ballpark. they talked about how great the benefits were and how there are 19 paid days off a year.

i mean it looks pretty good. would not mind getting this job. this one is prob the new number 1 anyway. close to home, 15 an hour, benefits, M-F days, growing company, award winning workplace.

also i went in there and saw that a woman i used to work with at the Living Hell Previous Job was there. she was always super nice and I was nice to her and helped her when she was new. and she appreciated my help. although I think I shocked her once with my filthy mouth, hahahaahaha. but i think she forgot about that. anyway she seemed happy to see me and i was nice to her today. also sent her an invite on linkedin today while everything was fresh. she was/is a nice sweet person and thats all that matters to me. also she was a smart good worker and deserved a better job. so nice to see she got a job here. i am sure it is at least a little better than where we were.

anyway ideally she can say oh yeah he’s great, he’s super nice AND super smart. i mean i had a good repoire with her and liked helping her. i mean i liked helping people in general and our people needed a LOT of help because they were constantly being THROWN TO THE LIONS, not just the wolves, but the goddamn LIONS, they needed a lot of help, and there was not enough of a supply of help. so i took up the cross and helped people off the clock quite a bit.

anyway maybe thats a SIGN FROM GOD that THIS IS THE ONE, that this nice woman works there.

or maybe its just the 27th rejection hahahahaha. life goes on, time marches on.

way to email me paypal and amazon letting me know my password has been stolen and that i should change it hahahaha.

anyway. yeah i would totally take this job. its close and doesnt seem too bad. i could be somewhat proud of working there. there might be some help desk work but as long as its less than 4 hours of inbound calls a day, that would be ok.

i drove by the place where i heard That Woman was working. i said IM NOT GONNA LOOK AT IT but i failed in that and instead blatantly Rubbernecked at the parking lot looking for her car. I didnt see it but there were a lot of cars and i was going 40 mph. i swore that if i drove by again after the interview i would not look at the building or parking lot. that i would physically block it with my hand.

instead i just took another road to go home.

if i get this job i am willing to do whatever it takes to not look at that building or parking lot hahahaha.

i cant believe the CEO is so HANDSY that he likes to do so many interviews. he has a phd in engin from cambridge. did he publish any papers? how much money did he make as an Executive Business Consultant, and then as CEO of a health care company? how fookin rich is he? is he british? probably. why would he come from UK to here? I would rather be born in the UK hahahahahahaha well maybe. things are shitty over there too. but you are closer to Yurop and the Home of the White Race. i dunno. i just dont trust people who leave their whole FAMILY an OCEAN away unless they are nonwhite immigrants coming from the third world to the first world.

also i guess he is very hands on in the technical projects. GREAT. i mean you are like 70 years old man. go traveling. visit your family. youve made MILLIONS of dollars. the man is a MULTIMILLIONAIRE and I have to talk to HIM for a 15 dollar an hour job hahahahaha.

well they didnt say. i know youre SUPPOSED to get them to say a number first. im honestly too desperate for that, plus I already had a range in mind: 14 to 16. let them know i looked at glassdoor. maybe they’ll reject me because i looked too desperate because i said a number first hahahahaha.

they responded yes that range is in the ballpark.

i asked them about Growth in the company. they said they were growing SO MUCH they plan to DOUBLE within 3 years. they are growing so fast they can barely keep up. INTERESTING.

sent thank you email hours ago. damn.

interview tomorrow for Bank job, in Records. Bank Records. 12.50 an hour. this company is also a Best Workplace To Work. I should just apply to places on those list. as determined by large local paper. anyway. I semi respect this bank as a good employer and would be happy to take their job too. their hr person impressed me by contacting me about this job, after i was rejected for the tech job at this bank. i mean that was just good guy greg stuff. i usually hate women, HR, and companies, but she really impressed me here. i mean she didnt have to call ME. she coulda called any of the other 1000000000000000 people that had applied for that job in the past day, when i had applied like 8 months ago.  it shows they actually LOOK at those old applications and dont just throw them in the memory hole. the whole company seems above board and ethical and not run by sneaky semites.

and then on wed i have the final interview of week. not gonna get a ton of sleep before that one. early in the morning. part time job. but it pays more per hour than the FT job tomorrow. but that FT has decent, ok, average benefits.

WHEN YOU’VE BEEN DOWN AS LONG AS ME, MEDIOCRE LOOKS PRETTY DAMN GOOD!!!

like honestly a 12 dollar an hour FT job with benefits is nothin special, which all 21 year old college grads should aim for, not a 35 year old man!

i mean how can you raise a family on that? how can you attract a wife with that?

you mean youre 35 and havent found a wife and started a family yet? hahahahaha.

BABY STEPS.

get this job, then go out with slutz from okcupid hahahaha and try to find a wife.

reddit thinks that you shouldnt date men who even use the WORD “SLUTS”. at age 26 you should be more mature!

hehehe what about if you are 35 hahahahahahhahahahha

no i call women SLUTS every day. it simply means you are too promiscuous, your number is too high, you dont have enough REVERENCE for the secs act and who you do it with.

its a nihilistic culture of death. you dont have enough respect for life. at BEST, you are DANGEROUSLY immature. thats what SLUT is shorthand for. someone i only want to use for short term pleasure. never more.

sheeeeit i mean i dunno. i pretty much HAVE to go to some stupid website if i want to meet new women. whether its a WIFE, or its a short term Meat Hole hahahahahaha. a Slut.  ok how about i LOOK for a good wife type woman, then if i meet her and she turns out to be a slut, then uhhhhh let her do what sluts do, and forget about marrying her hehehe.

i just yeah. i shouldnt hate how women can be immature and get a man, but men have to be mature to get a woman. because thats just natural. thats how god made us. uterus power. but plenty of immature men get women too. you dont need to be mature, you just need to be MANLY.

 

look at this nice young man. he wants to dump his GF, but he knows she’ll be devastated, so he wants to let her down as easily as possible. he doesnt hate her, and really doesnt want to add insult to injury. or add injury to injury hahahahahaha. so he asks for advice how how to dump as gently as possible. what a nice young man!

hey i CAME CLOSE to having a real rel with a woman. technically I HAVE had actual real rels with women. just nothing that involved mating. then it was a clusterfook. they only wanted negros and men who acted like negros to fook them hahahahhaa no thats a lie. woman2012 didnt want negros. That Woman didnt ALWAYS and ONLY want negros.

basically dump someone the way you would want to be dumped. be nice……but dont be so nice that you give them false hope that its not really over. be as nice as you can in stating that it’s for sure over.

yeah this is a hard thing to talk about.  i guess i can’t blame anybody for being bad at it! let alone a cowardly little woman! shit i prob wouldnt have the balls to do it!

or when other women dumped me, they tried to be nice about it, and that led to me not fully understanding, thinking i could get them to change their mind, talk them out of it. so yeah its hard to be nice but also be VERY FIRM.

so spend 50 bucks to have a shrink do it. totally worth it. they can get the message across in a firm way with NO ambiguity. i will do this every time i have to dump someone hahahaha. or if i think a woman wants to dump me, i will hire the shrink FOR her to dump me.

this is a GREAT fookin idea. why doesnt EVERYONE do this? shrinks are everywhere, even the middle of nowhere. i mean they are nothing but MSW social workers, and these are a dime a dozen.

heh. i wonder if wimmin who have MSW degrees are better at dumping their boifrans. or better communicators. or more mature. or better Conflict Revolvers. I wonder!

or do you have to be a LICENSED or CLINICAL social worker.