THE NARCISSIST WHO WAS AFRAID TO TALK ABOUT HIMSELF WITH REAL PEOPLE

jan 18

https://radio.therightstuff.biz/2017/01/18/rebel-shoah-fashy-struggle-session/

mike enoch gets interrogated wooooot

soundcloud comments dont seem to optimistic, suggest there are no really tough questions, that stuff is brushed off, and the first 5 minutes are not diving into tough questions like i would have liked. i do not have a great feeling tbh.

takes 36 minutes to start maybe getting good??? maybe 43.

heh i expected him to be more shaken up. honestly this is getting boring hehehehe.  uhhhh i was kinda hoping he would act like something happened. to take like 10 straight minutes talking about why its really not ok to marry j00s, or something. i dunno.

how about distraught from losing your family and your 100k job. I would be going CRAZY. Couldn’t even do a conversation with people. i dunno i guess i wanted him to be a little more emotional about it all, even if emotions are womanly.  strong men also have SOME emotions lebowski hahaha.

he doesnt sound like a man whos life has just been ruined.

i dunno. little disappointed. did not meet my expectations. didnt expect to listen to a 2 hour podcast for him to say “i am conflicted about this.” i mean he SHOULD be conflicted about this!

whoa many JCC’s around the nation target for some threats. now here’s some hot news!!!!!

i wanted him to put something personal out there. share something. i guess he doesnt HAVE to, we dont OWN him, i was just hoping for a lot more reassurance than I got. I am glad mike is not K’ing himself and not so worried that he can’t go on…..but what do you really have to SAY about your J wife? he said yeah she’s a J, hasn’t said 25%, 50%, or 100%. this stuff matters! does she have a really J lifestyle and ideology? has TRS’s anti-J’ish caused real problems with their marriage? it probably SHOULD!

i realize he’s not a LEADER, he certainly doesn’t see himself as a leader, and yeah that really comes across here. he may not be a LEADER, but his opinion carries some weight, and i wish he had a stronger opinion about this!  yeah this is “drama” but its also LEGIT drama!

if anything, Sven has stronger leadership qualities than Mike, and Sven is not really pushing Mike to talk about the tough stuff.

im not saying accuse mike as a betrayer, but also he should WANT to address people LEGITIMATE CONCERNS!!!!!!

ok he clarifies that he was notified today he was not welcome at his workplace anymore.

listened to 1:51 and nothing really jumped out at me. i wanted it to jump out. this is kinda a big deal.

so maybe the higher ups have lost a little credibility with me. maybe i will end up spending more time at DS than TRS hehehe. i mean TRS still has great podcasts though. the fatherland.

but man they ban people like crazy on that forum. i kinda like how DS forum is a lot more laid back re the banning. trolls talk mad shit and no one gets banned. i figure let the trolls talk shit, the rest of us will just ignore them. (AN IGNORE BUTTON WOULD BE NICE, THO hahahaha)

i dunno. just not what i really WANTED from mike i guess. but mike is not the leader of trs. and trs has plenty of people who would be more conflicted about their race mixing hahahaha. i just dont want to see a pattern of softening amongst the trs higher ups like sven, i dont want to be disappointed in him too.

WELL, THERES ALWAYS daily stormer at least hahahaha.

i guess i have become a bit less enthusiastic about donating shekels to TRS, where my enthusiasm for donating shekels to stormer has not waned one bit. that probably means something.

heh. i just wanted answers and resolution NOW and i guess im just gonna have to WAIT and see if mike gives anything better. i wish i had a better feeling about it.

i mean mike was never my number 1 favorite podcastfu anyway hahahaha. but he was part of my top tier! i didnt have all my eggs in that one basket tho, which i guess is good.

http://www.huffingtonpost.com/entry/meet-10-women-who-rushed-to-get-an-iud-before-inauguration-day_us_587fa3dae4b0c147f0bc56f8

dear lord

i dont want to have children so i can benefit humanity by being a phd research scientist . well just close your legs ya science slut.

you need the hormones for your acne or whatever. how about stop slathering chemicals on your skin and use a very diluted mix of very light salicylic acid hehehehe. maybe lemon juice. maybe just plain water. maybe dove sensitive skin soap.

how about you just stop fooking guys and if you dont want to get preggers, dont have secs with guys when you are on the period!!!!!!

how about be a lot more careful about the secs you do have?

dont have secs for like 7 days around your period. have the guy pull out or wear a condo. have him put it in your degenerate ass hahahahaha.

jan 19

oh dear. i remember when this happened but never really read any follow up on what derek black is doing now. i guess he hasnt come back to VVN and writes shitty articles for the JY Slimes about how trump is a racist and he’s so glad he’s matured past that.

https://www.washingtonpost.com/national/the-white-flight-of-derek-black/2016/10/15/ed5f906a-8f3b-11e6-a6a3-d50061aa9fae_story.html?utm_term=.fc3b626816d0

theres the wapo one with a lot of tldr hahahaha. anyway he honestly seemed like a pretty smart kid from a young age, BEFORE he got to college. knew all the red pill stuff many of us only learn AFTER college. and then he was blue pilled by some jooish guy who invited him to a diversity dinner? that made his whole system come crumbling down? he still seems like a smart intelligent guy!!!! this is really weird shit.

i can understand distancing yourself from his father who might be a little corrupt. but distancing himself from the whole movement is insane. why didnt he just join up with some of the young alt right people? newer groups like daily stormer or TRS?

he used to mock the ideas of white privilege! how did going to a leftist college where they took “white privilege” seriously just totally change his mind where he did a total 180??????????

its implied that the antiwhites had better SCIENCE for why race is a social construct, and how IQ diffs can be explained by education and opportunity and all that. that convinced derek black. a seemingly smart young man. the SCIENCE and STATISTICS were more convincing to say that there was no white genocide hahahaha.

what i’m saying is, he’s smart enough to weigh the evidence of both sides. and smarter people than him have done so and concluded that Race Is Real. I just want to know what was REALLY the deciding factor.

Him trying to make friends? but he was pretty open about it before going to the college.

maybe he got a super antiwhite Jooish gurlfran while he was at the college, who made it her project to convert him. this seems more likely than the above. i mean he didnt sound like a friendless autistic virgin dying for acceptance like i was hahahahahaha.

or maybe it was “just” being his fathers son. his fathers whole life is VVN 1.0. i am thinking don black was a halfway decent father and wasnt really cramming it down dereks throat though. and it sounded like derek willingly got on board.

i would bet theres subconscious father rebellion going on here. and thats why he couldn’t “just” go to VVN 2.0, he had to throw the baby out with the bathwater.

it’s sad because he seemed like a smart guy and could have been valuable to the movement. despite looking like a huge jackass with his hair and style. i mean he looked like a fedora libertarian virgin hahaha.

what really happened here? you dont just get hit with antiwhite statistics from J’s in J00niversity and say wow i never considered that before, and then do a 180.

i mean i was an antiwhite shitlib in jooniversity, but i never put much EFFORT into it. i was just like rabble rabble white privilege hurr durr institutionalized racism hurr durr imperialistic white males punching down, because that was what everyone around me was parroting, and i wanted to make friends, and especially to make gurlfrans hahahaha. I didn’t put extracurricular effort in going to meetings, or doing activism, or writing articles, or reading howard zinn. Many of my peers certainly did. i would rather sm0ke MJ and be like fight the man, maaaaan. like a lebowski deadbeat. and when i did meet trve believer marxist activists, they kinda weirded me out. like these people are WAYYYYY too tryhard. I’m not LIKE THEM, AM I? and maybe THAT started me on really questioning my not-so-strongly-held “beliefs” that white men were oppressing everyone.

derek black did the exact opposite of what I did. it’s a great STORY. but a sad one. fooked up.

so yeah he would be the bigger traitor than mike enoch hahahahaha. but I really don’t like how enoch basically did not talk about the tough questions. left me with no confidence hahahaha. ok mike, you’re not a leader, we get it. maybe i will really stop viewing you as one after all this.  have a very fishy weird feeling about how he has handled all this so far. it just seems like too little. like that’s it?!?!?! that’s the best you can give us?!?!?! you can and should do better than that.

so yeah i wouldnt quite call him a dirty traitor like black hahaha. because i think mike is gonna continue to say Savage Stuff about Da J00z. but he has not removed the Seed Of Doubt in many people’s mind. And I’m MORE than willing to give him the BENEFIT of the doubt!

but he’s not addressing the ELEPHANT IN THE ROOM!!!!!!!

The rank and file of TRS forum are great people. i guess i identify with them more than the TRS higher-ups. this could very well be the start of distrust with the higher ups. stormer forum is less banhappy and i like that.

no im not aguing for more freedom or democracy or less fascism hahaha.

maybe im saying i am losing a little faith in the TRS higherups.

but who are the MODS of stormer forum? anglin and weev sure, and I am FINE with them! if thats the whole of “stormer leadership” i would be 100% happy with that. ….but are there others with the power to BAN?

dunno, just wanted the “higherups” (if not “leaders”) to take this a LITTLE more seriously and not treat people asking reasonable questions as spergs or shit stirrers. shit i thought i was a moderate pvssy compared to many others…..who have prob already been banned from TRS hehe.

and derek black. im just trying to distract myself from the enoch drama. theres just better ways for him to rebel against his father. maybe become a successful engineer who doesnt even write about race hehehe. or be somewhat moderate and normie rather than turn into a damn far leftist.

if youre gonna be FAR anything, be a far rightist hahahaha.

YES don black has some shady stuff going on with the “unrealized projects” and I hate to agree with the splc on this. but that is fishy and derek is right to be critical of it. but dont turn your back on your race man. not cool.  i mean you dont have to go -1433. just go to 0.

maybe he’s rebelling against don and he doesnt even realize it. don seems like a better father than william pierce but im sure its still intense growing up in VVN 1.0. if stormfront were smart they would engage more with stormer and TRS. like david duke has! funfact: don black married david duke’s ex-wife and created the new human life of derek black with her, hehehehehe.

i guess derek is on this thing now where he was like hwyte europeans were SAVAGES and they didnt invent shit, the MUSLIMS were doing all this shit like ALGEBRA while white barbarians were in caves. good lord.

i mean its a FAIR QUESTION as to WHY the muslims went from being SOMEWHAT scholastic and academic and scientific and intellectual in their golden age of algebra and math and architecture and all that……SO WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED in the meantime??!?!?!?!

theres a disqus thread on the first official shoah and everyone that isnt kissing mikes ass is being denounced as a renegade-tier moron. wow.

you dont need to divulge too many personal details…..but ADDRESS THE ELEPHANT IN THE ROOM. don’t pretend like thats NOTHING. and then call the people with understandable doubts and skepticism abotu that PURITY SPIRALERS. Come on. I am as SOFT and MODERATE and wishy washy as they come. but I just wanted a little better from him.

shit yeah I’m welcome to leave. there’s the door. yeah well right now i will take one step towards the door because theres still plenty of good stuff at TRS. and I am SURE mike will say plenty of good stuff in the future. but he didn’t do much to DISPEL THE SEED OF DOUBT.

believe me, im no PURITY SPIRALLER. I’ve dont degenerate shit. I am a huge neet loser virgin untermensch hahaha. mike makes 14 times the money i ever will. i just think i would shown more integrity in this situation, hahahahahahaha.

well wheres MY podcast? wheres my forum? wheres my influential Media Platform? thats what i thought hahahaha.

well i’ve had 3 other longass blogs that went nowhere hahaha but I HAVE been associated with pro-hwytes since 2012. I bought a grindy greggy book in 2012 and I got culture of critique in 2013 hehehe. i recognize this guy on stormer forums from comments on heartiste in like 2007 hahaha. he’s found his way over there and I can’t blame him! welcome!

yeah i mean i KNOW in j00 york and j00 jersey EVERYONE is at least 25% jooish hahahahahaha. and its really not the end of the world to be married to a part J. it’s how you talk about it with the damn hwyte nationalist group you started hahahahahahaha. i guess there is not gossip like “is TRS really actually “VVN” or are they gonna disavow or equivocate on that term?

I’m very comfortable with the label, just as I’m very comfortable with “alt-right”, and i admit this can cause confusion, because not everybody conflates alt right with VVN. MY BAD!!!!

But I kinda thought TRS of all people would openly self-identify as VVN.

well, i am more confident that they are pro-hwyte, and thats really good enough. i mean, i would happily take an 88% hwyte nation hahahaha. just no less. dont want to get into a purity spiral here hahaha.

hey at least im not fooking googles like some hwyte trash woman hahahahahaha.

i just hope the fatherland guys maintain their integrity. they MIGHT say more on the next episode. i mean i dont really EXPECT them to, its much less their place than it is mikes place. but i wonder: would they get kicked off TRS if they were too critical of mike? also, they are close with sven. and one of their hosts has essentially become a higherup himself, doing a lot of forum technical work. I’ve really liked this guy BOF and I hope he doesnt start “cucking” or “shilling” hahahahahahaha.

welp better pack muh bags for renetard express, toot toot. go eat a mile of sinead’s shit hahahahaha. heh. i will start my own 1433 media empire before i do that hahahaha. i will meet goys in real life before i do that hahaha.

derek black. this guy is saying all white trvmp voters are extreme VVN’s like stormfront. WRONG. they are just normie hwytes who have had enough. they dont HATE anybody. they arent EXTREMISTS. sheeeeit even many VVN’s dont HATE anybody. I dont HATE anybody. I just want an 88% hwyte country and i want the J’s to stop attacking and slandering and libeling and lying about hwytes, and i want whytes to stop apologizing for it and to be less damn SUICIDAL as a race.

jan 20

hahahaha stupid linkedin GURLS WHO CODE news item in muh feed and leave it to some arab to say LOOKIN BEAUTIFUL LADEEZ hahahaha which i’m not opposed to saying in principle, but you should be smart enough to know not to say on lindkin, but there are so many arab, streetshitter, and chinese trolls and sock and spam and fake accounts on linkedin making stupid comments everywhere. in the past ive seen SJWs take them to task on this is EXACTLY the kind of comment we DONT want to see, but now I think people just assume quite rightly that these people might be BOTS.

i just think its funny that they are nonwhite bots, often indians who themselves are writing code in sweatshops for a dollar a day. bet they wish they could code as good as these 16 year old black girls!

saw a guy today i first met several years ago. but this guy is just great. absolutely great. total mancrush on this guy. he is highly educated and very successful and very respected and also just one of the nicest, sweetest people you could ever meet. i mainly knew his son who was also a real nice, good, decent guy, but, very much like me, he had a hell of a hard time adulting. a lot of that was due to health issues, being born into a bad body, hahaha. so he has a much better excuse than him. but he was a great guy. his father is a great guy too, but way more successful. so i saw the father today and shook his hand heartily and said give my regards to your son, he’s a good guy, you’re a good guy, i’m happy to see you again, and i was. i was in the next room as he gave a presentation to other people with masters degrees and phds and his presentation/lecture was very high energy and interesting. lets just say he’s into educating and listening to him in this “classroom” it made it clear that he would probably be a VERY good educator, teaching, with students. i had never really heard him in this mode before, but big surprise, he’s great at that too.

give this guy an award! the rest of the day i was like holy shit, he is such a great guy, wow, what an awesome dude, was so nice to see him again.

(he completed his phd later in life, within the past 5 years, after he was already successful and had a good career and a nice family. I think I saw him shortly after that happened and congratulated him on it.)

great, great, great, great guy. he seemed to remember me even though i hadn’t seen him in…..over 3 years.

and i was like holy shit. i was in a GOOD MOOD for HOURS after that. I was like DAMN I gotta meet MORE people who are this awesome.

then i thought, well, that’s a little GREEDY. and what’s wrong with the people I already know? are they chopped liver?

but fact is, only 10% of people are in the top 10% of awesome like this guy is. not everybody can BE that awesome.

so i thought, it’s ridiculous to want to meet more people as awesome as him. first, theres not that many people that awesome, second, how am i worthy of knowing so many of them and having them hang out with me?

and then i thought, it would be LESS ridiculous for me to get married to this man so i can cup his balls all day and bask in his awesomeness. that would generally give me the same effect hahahahaha. being around one super duper awesome person all day every day.

and that’s greedy in another way, greedy and needy on one person. im just one man, find some other people to fill your needs. so yeah, having a Team of Many Awesome people would be best.

the trick is FINDING these people and IMPRESSING them so that they LIKE you.

How did I find this guy? I knew his son, who was/is a great guy, but not nearly as AWESOME in terms of being a successful adult. but this endeared me to the son in a different way. i could relate to the son being a “neet loser”, and I couldn’t RELATE to his father, but I had/have a huge mancrush on his father and see him as a great role model.

and it’s terribly mean to call the son a “neet loser” because he was SUCH a nice guy! probably got that from his father, who is SUCH a nice guy as well! so i can’t disparage the son, other to say that its SAD he’s not getting the great life he deserves for being such a nice man like his father.

anyway i looked up the father on linkedin today when i came home and requested a connection. chances are he wont even SEE it, but if he does, that would be nice.

the son doesn’t have linkedin. prob has facebook but i dont have facebook. i hope the son is doing well…….but i wouldnt be surprised if he wasnt. which is sad. he deserves better and is probably depressed af but doesnt even know it. so i didn’t want to push the father too much on this aspect. i just i hope your son is doing ok, he’s a great guy and deserves great things.

anyway im not alone in thinking the father is a great guy. he has LITERALLY touched hundreds of lives as an educator and i’m sure many of those people are cupping his balls as well. he deserves it.

there are sneaky J’s in this world, and sad things happening to good people, but there are also people who are just so god damn awesome you can’t believe they even EXIST, but they do. and if you can meet as many of those people in real life and spend as much time as possible with them……maybe one day you could BE that awesome. wow. what a thought.

the guy is AMAZING. he is an INSPIRATION. I mean every damn word. if it sounds like im gushing its because i am.

all people cant be this cool, unfortunately……….. but you can STILL recognize the awesomeness of regular average joes. i would like to be able to do that more. i just need an EXTREMELY awesome guy to break through my thick shell. but even less awesome people are still awesome enough.

im talking about hwyte people of course hahahahahaha. nonhwytes, i just dont really care about. i dont wish them any harm, but i’m not as concerned about recognizing their awesomeness.

(i guess if you are an educator dealing with a lot of black kids, you might get passionate about recognizing the awesomeness in each one of them. ok fine. in fact i think that’s a mark of an Awesome Educator. which this guy is. except he doesnt teach a ton of inner city black kids hahahahahha.)

but yeah. spend enough time with this guy and you will want to become a TEACHER hahahahahahaha. he’s one of those. one of those that probably ends up in many students “Muh Favorite Teachers Of All Time” lists. really blowing minds, melting hearts. good for them. we all need as much of that as we can get. but i think this can’t be taught in teachers college really. you have to be born with that spirit.

actually i might have some of that spirit! but i do NOT want to go to teachers college and be a damn teacher.

so yeah seeing him was a wake up call for me. that within every hwyte, there’s a spark of that same awesomeness. i might not see it right away. they might not see it right away. but I should FIND it and then SHOW them that I appreciate them for it. be a real cheerleader.

shit i wish i could cheerlead muh SELF in that way, but uhhhh never been able to do that in 30+ years.

it goes without saying this guy is charismatic af. you HAVE to be. it goes hand in hand with all that.

now muh new coworkers, ive said before they are all awesome in their own ways, and they are. i should try to appreciate them for that and to show them that appreciation…..so that they can recommend me for good jobs hahahahahahahaha. you need all the recommendations and references in life that you can GET. for jobs and Grad Skool hahahaha. not that i promise to ever GO to grad skool……but i also want to prove that I’m smart hahahaha. because that’s a legit reason to go to grad skool hahaha.

2 of muh coworkers are pretty charismatic guys, including muh direct manager. good role models, in other words, and i REALLY dont want to WASTE the OPPORTUNITY, the PRIVILEGE of getting to know these people.

this is what every young man needs………but im not a young man any more. i might be too old to really benefit from this stuff hehe. it IS especially valuable to have access to people like this when you are YOUNG.

it’s my HWYTE PRIVILEGE that i had access to types like this when i was young. but i was so fooked up, immature, and sissy anxious, that i AVOIDED people like this. AVOIDED NICE PEOPLE WHO COULD HELP ME!!!!!!!!!!!

Well i’ve gotten better about not avoiding them any more hahaha.

and i just want to be good about being a NORMIE and having normie conversations with my good guy manager, for example. have normal conversations and over time build a real Relship, so that i can talk to him about his life and family and career, and even more importantly for muh narcissism, talk about my life and my career hehehehehe.

i’m a total narcissist who is AFRAID to talk about muh self with other people!

now thats a weird ass situation to be in.

because i am ashamed of how little i’ve achieved and how i’ve never had any real career goals.

who doesn’t have career goals?

LOSERS!!!!!!!!!!!!

well, no one’s a LOSER, but uhhhhh at this point its beyond the scope of an educator, you need a different kind of professional help, have you thought about seeing a shrink or a psychiatrist hahahahaha.

YASSSSSSSSSSSSSSS.

So he was talked to this other woman who is currently doing a PHD in a marxist as hell field and is being advised by a marxist professor, and i was like oh great, im gonna have a field day listening to this woman’s lecture.

and yeah there was bullshit in there about hwyte privilege and closing the achievement gap with blacks……but at the same time, these people at least were still genuinely concerned with Just Helping Students Succeed.  Period. and I had to respect that. they weren’t k1kes rubbing their hands with how to keep evil whites down. they just sincerely want to help all students succeed. and i can totally respect that.

i just think they would have a much better go at that if they acknowledged the reality of racial differences.

however i might just agree with them on the class differences. like this woman was talking about the experience of growing up in an honestly shitty town, no one goes to college, let alone gets a phd, and she talks about stories of smart kids who just didnt get the right direction by their teachers. and i can totally sympathize with that . in a way i kinda feel like that.

but most of that is On Me, because I Actively AVOIDED the people who COULD direct, guide, advise, help me put my life on a good path. because i was afraid to Talk To Professors. I do regret that.

not just professors, but just successful middle class winner people in general.

i overheard them talking that middle class kids get more direction in thinking creatively, thinking outside of the box, while the working class kids are more like “just tell me what to do. am i doing this right? tell me what to do and i’ll do it. please.”

which was haunting for me, since I felt like that ALL THE TIME at muh old job, and still feel like that a little bit, generally. i said FOOK creativity, we need to GET THINGS DONE. RESULTS. what do i do to make this work now. creativity is a bourgeois, effete, phaggy luxury that real working people in the real world don’t have time form. creativity is NAIVE and SOFT and WEAK.

i honestly dont put high value on being creative. i would rather get things done. be charismatic, be good with people, do good strong work.

so, according to her, i definitely have more working class values than middle class. which i kinda already knew hahahaha. the whole story of my life has been torn between those two worlds, and failing in both of them.

i would talk to them all day about class. but just stfu about RACE hahahaha.

because i have ALWAYS identified with and support the working class……but i always had class/status anxiety about becoming middle class. using muh SMART BRAIN to go to COLLEGE and get a nice middle class CAREER and marry a woman who’s also “smart” enough to get a college degree and spell words correctly and not get Working Class Tattoos hahahaha.

because there’s parts of the working class I dont like, the white trash shit, but honestly i think those are WAY outweighed by the positives.

so here’s this woman talking about all this stuff and it was honestly very interesting. i wish they had recorded the lecture, or that i had tried to talk to the woman more before the lecture. but i didnt because i felt like a nervous idiot who didn’t know how to talk to phd’s. besides she was a commie antiwhite feminist.

technically yes……..  but i guess i agree with the antiwhite marxists when it comes to class. i am very very pro-working-class. i just dont want a marxist revolution. maybe i want a nonmarxist workers revolution? maybe. one with a huge racial component hahaha. white workers. NSDAP hahahaha.

would REALLY like to meet an awesome inspiring person like this who is closer to muh views on Race. hehehehe.

listen if i were in the position of these educators and had black students who were honestly smart and honestly working hard, no way would i brush them off or try to keep them down. i would want to help them succeed.

if i were ever in a position to really truly literally DISCRIMINATE against someone based on race alone, i would hope i wouldn’t do it. i really wouldnt WANT to be in that position.

i just HATE how these altruistic, noble, good motives got wrapped up with horrible jooish marxism!!!!!!!

like all these admirable educators are also damn democrats who parrot the benefits of diversity to their dying day. can’t we just take that shit out? you can STILL HELP STUDENTS, regardless of race!

like the woman was talking about a student who was smart, but got bad grades. the student wanted to be a lawyer, but because they were a working class person with bad grades, their teachers were like, uhhh you might want to become a paralegal instead. because to be a successful lawyer you need to get on the right PATH: good grades. good schools. and this student was smart enough to be capable of that, but they are guided to be a paralegal instead of a lawyer. that discussion particularly interested me. as a smart person who ultimately got mediocre grades and never ascended to the Successful Track……..BUT PROBABLY COULD HAVE.

and this teacher is concerned with being a good teacher who helps those kinds of students get to that track. and i totally admire that.

i just wish they didnt have to be goddamn diversity loving, trump hating, SJW marxists!!!!!!!! who are scared and sad about the bigotry and hate of white trump voters!!!!!

why cant you be a white trump voter who loves the white working class but ALSO wants to see all students succeed and get on the right path? so that would be my niche hehehehe.

of course LAW is a risky choice anyway. dont become a lawyer OR a paralegal. is what i would tell the student. do a damn trade instead. and i think this woman teacher i was listening to was very open to that idea as well. appreciated the value of trades and trade education/educators. and i am thankful to be around educators who understand that. rather than humanities professors in the ivory tower with soft pink bitchhands hahahaha.

but yeah to be a successful lawyer you should aim for top tier…..or not try at all. its the best or nothing. i mean that’s just how it is with law. i wish it weren’t!

and yeah i wish college weren’t so expensive. i dont even know who to blame anymore.

but i think pushing trades education is always a good idea.

like how about get rid of high schools in black neighborhoods and have them do trades education starting at age fooking 14. get paid working experience starting at age 14, so that they can get a decent paying job at age 18. rather than have these shitty public high schools of teachers babysitting savage, uneducable “Students”. take those students at a young age, 14 at the latest, and get them into military or trade school, before they have time to become savages. that would be my recommendation as a huhwhyte nationalist educator who wants the best for students of ALL races.

lets just move this post into the BEST OF right now hahahaha.

DONE.

i mean heres the thing. i might just AGREE WITH J MARXISTS on some aspects of Education and Socioeconomic Class.

and i dont want J Marxists to have a MONOPOLY on those ideas. I want VVN’s to be able to claim those ideas too.

heh. there was another educator there who has very good reviews from students and teaches a class in Religion. he is a huhwhyte goy who seems to be a Good Teacher. i didnt get to talk or listen to him at all. i mean i have fears that he is a diversity loving shitlib. now his specialty is RELIGION. handsome youngish guy who SHOULD have a wife and 3 young children. does he? i worry that he is a fedora atheist who teaches why religion is stupid and right wing. but why would he get a graduate degree in RELIGION?

but why wouldn’t he get a graduate degree in THEOLOGY or DIVINITY and become a PRIEST?

he seems like a smart guy who knows alot about religion, but would he be good to go to for actual SPIRITUAL GUIDANCE????

i should have asked him why didnt he become a PRIEST hahahaha. i think its because he’s really into ((((buddhism)))) hahahahaha.

no i dont think theres anything inherently wrong with that. ive known some great people who were heavily into buddhism. thinking of an old college friend who was a GREAT, classic, inspiring guy, and he got a grad degree in something buddhist related.

excuse me “professor” but why do you hate christians? are you varg vikernes or something hahahaha at least then we would agree that HOLY FOOK I LUV BEING HWYTE hahahaha.

they might not explicitly luv being hwyte, but if they have a whyte wife and hwyte children………then ITS ALL GOOD!!!!!!!!

and shit i really like the issues that ((((SOCIOLOGY))))) looks at, like race and culture and status and class and society and men and women…………..but i wish there were a hwyte-friendly version of sociology, because currently, its about THE WORST field there is. the absolutely fooking WORST. SAD.

i mean if there were a Hwyte Sociology, I would get a phd in THAT. but there isn’t. there wont be in my lifetime. and i dont have the charisma or awesomeness or influence to make one myself. lets be realistic here. i mean yeah i often underestimate myself, but not here.

its so frustrating. to have smart people talking about very interesting things…..but to take the worst possible perspective on it. except for a few points about wanting to help working class students, or working class people in general. THAT I agree with them on. NOTHING else. sheeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeit.

and theres ABSOLUTELY NO WAY I could have a conversation with these masters and phd-level Educators and convince them that Hwytes are Awesome and plz drop this marxist white privilege bullshit. because I can’t argue, and I sure can’t argue against people who a large part of their jobs is arguing, in favor of shit I want to argue against. they would give me 6000000000 citations from other marxist phds why institutional racism is real and hwytes have a big debt they need to repay.  and i would give a few citations from RACIST, DISCREDITED sources like kmac and uh……cant say dr duke or dr pierce obviously. maybe could say rushton or bell curve or the DNA guy watson. but they already think these people are horrible racists!

uhhh well what about putnam. he was a shitlib who didnt like the conclusions he was reaching, that Too Much Diversity was Bad!

but i didnt even read the book!

supposedly kmac became gradually more redpilled as he did his research and wrote his books. he didn’t want to become a racist but by the third book (CofC), he had arrived, like it or not.

maybe just give copies of CoC to these people hahahaha. let them read it and say, this is hwyte supremacist bullshit thats no better than david duke hahahaha.

and i havent even read all of CoC myself!!!!!!!! its too try and dense hahahahaha.

and doing a phd in ANYTHING requires reading TONS of dry and dense stuff.

this will ALWAYS be inherent to ANY phd. its not going away. so yeah i am leaning away from the phd like i always was.

i mean i always wished i were better at arguing. ive never liked it because ive never been good at it. and certainly my lack of confidence doesnt help. you HAVE to be CONFIDENT to be a good arguer.

and to be a right wing ACADEMIC, you have to be confident and bold as fook. just couldnt do it. so i hate that The University has become so goddamn left wing. i dont need to tell you who to blame for that.

otherwise it might have been a good career path for a smart young man hahahaha.

and i’ve always been interested in this stuff more than any STEM or science, unfortunately. that would have made things a hell of a lot easier too.

so, what should a super right wing person DO for a career?

become a huge capitalist businessman like trump obviously hahahaha.

but i didnt really luv business classes. but if i had gotten a business bachelors degree, prob could have gotten an Entry Level Business Job hahahahahaha. but i would prob hate it because i dont like the way businesses are run. in very jooish, dishonest ways. fuzzy exterior at best, and rotten to the core. exploitin the workin class hahahahahaha. cutting corners and treating human beings as objects to make money.

and NOW i’m talking like a FAR LEFTIST!!!!!!!!!

but i swear. I’m really a far rightist but with strong pro-working class views. so i guess i should go cup matt heimbach’s balls HAHAHAHAHAHA.

no i like, respect, and admire heimbach and should read his stuff more. we need more men like that in the university.

or anglin or weev. or even k1ke enoch hahahaha.

but i also would like to have some role models who are Crazy Hwyte Supremists, but just total damn normies.

this is where that first guy comes in. he teaches in a field that is pretty Apolitical. and he would probably be the most open to listening to Right Wing stuff than the other Decent People I work with.

HOWEVER, I do want to take advantage of the fact that I work with decent people, with great careers, who are Kinda Leftist, but not Ragist Marxists like a Sociology PHD or something, thank GOD, and jsut have normal conversations with them, build Real Relationships with them, so I can Use Them as references and help muh own career, hahahaha. i mean i would buy them dinner in return, and give them good work. but it just involves me being charismatic on a daily basis.

and im not charismatic. i just try to be nice and friendly and smile and ask smart questions and show i’m smart and have initiative. but today i had a chance to make Good Witty Small Talk and I blew it and there was an awkward silence. I could have asked the guy about ANYTHING. movies, his family, his masters degree. but I choked. I mean later in the day I interacted with him and was friendly and smiled and made Good Eye Contact and said Have A Good Weekend so I think I did OK there.

but I want to do BETTER than OK!!!! I have a lot of lost time to make up for! I’m in a hole and have to dig my way out! OK isnt good enough!!!!!

OH YEAH. another reason this is a topkek post: had a dream last night with THAT WOMAN. She looked a little slutty and was acting a little slutty. which was rough because she never looked or acted slutty around me, and i LIKED THAT A LOT.  I wonder if she DID look slutty around me, if that would have made it EASIER in the long run, to shatter my pedestal fiction image of her. probably!

and maybe she DID act and dress slutty around other guys, guys she wanted to FOOK.  black guys hahahahahahaha.

anyway in the dream she was dating a hwyte guy, who was tougher and more badass than me. dressing and acting kinda secsy towards him. I was all butthurt and remember yelling at her: “N1993R FOOKER! you dirty degenerate N199ER LOVER!!! you god damn fooking wh0re!!!!” which really did not look good for me. at that point I look like the butthurt bad guy.

then she responded with hostility, not suprisingly. said no you’re wrong, see i’m not even WITH a black guy, i just needed a real man, not a little bitch like you. and i was acting like a little bitch.

and in real life, i was never that hostile or hateful towards her. i would never say that to her. i was a little angry and hostile, but i was more sad and disappointed and crushed. i still dont think she was a degenerate wh0re. i think she’s a good person who was in a tough situation and took the easy way out. we’ve all done it. i was a little disgusted at some things she was alleged to have done, but not to the extent i was in the dream!

i still view it more with sadness and disappointment, rather than hateful hositility.

not that i had NO anger towards her.

then later in the dream she started attacking me and “my team” of men with a sharp meat cleaver. turning into a horror movie villian who wanted to chop us up. And I brought it all upon myself by being a mean butthurt bitch to her. which then somehow justified her attacking me with a meat cleaver.

so i was humiliated that i lost control and appeared so weak and butthurt in front of her.

and in real life yeah this did sorta happen. i HATED appearing weak and needy and clingy to her. making her push me away. i pushed her away by needing her so much.

but i never said anything like n1993r lover hahahaha. i just said pleeeeaassseeee hang out with me i miss being frinedsssssss with you and she said stop it stop it stop it! leave me alone!

not my finest hour and yeah i am ashamed of being so weak.

so the dream brought alot of that back up. and showed her being Secsy, towards a tougher manlier man. another hwyte man. so i couldnt even bring Race into it hehehehe.

it was a pretty disturbing unpleasant dream! but thankfully it didnt ruin my day, I was over it about 2 hours later, and ultimately had a Pretty Good Day because of seeing That Awesome Guy. totally outweighed the cons of me being Awkward with the coworker and awkward with the other Professional Woman. i wasnt even awkward with her, i just focused on my task. and let other people chit chat with her.

but my job is so low stress, its NORMAL for people to chit chat! i TOTALLY could have left my “work” for 2 minutes to chit chat with her about Her Interests, some of which where 180 to my own, but others which were……360 hahahaha. right dead on.

but she’s a mature educator, i don’t think she is constantly judging people as WEIRD and AWKWARD. she wants the best for her students for gods sakes. she has probably learned NOT to be judgmental to people for being awkward.

i mean MOST people, they WONT judge you for being awkward, they wont even NOTICE IT, BECAUSE ITS ALL IN YOUR FOOKING HEAD!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

to make a pretty good day even better, theres this. oh GOD BLESS YOU LAD.

though i would have liked if he called them k1k3s rather than dinosaurs hahahaha.

see i wish mike had just been more like woes. at this point, i have more respect and faith and confidence in MW. I feel he is more honest, has more integrity. take the gay scandal. woes didnt blow it off and not talk about it. he made it perfectly clear that he did not support the gay agenda, that gayness was generally degenerate, and that he was glad to put his degen past in the past. he handled that VERY WELL so the people still bashing MW about it do indeed look like autistic shills. i wish mike had approached the JWife situation with similar openness.

i still technically support mike. he has done more good than i will EVER do. i’m just disappointed at how he handled this, which has lessened my faith in him a little. 10 to 20%. there was no such lessening of faith with MW.

heh i found george feels making a comment on another guys video where he HEAVILY suggests that he is JWise and that he listened to Dr Pierce in the god damn 1990s. WOW. i wish george would talk about this in his own videos. i think he will! i hope he does!!!! im being deliberately vague here because i dont want to push him before he’s ready. but i think he will be ready soon. i hope he keeps going down this road, it could help him, it helped me with similar problems. didnt fix them entirely, but it HELPED.

being part of something larger, and very very meaningful, and this holy thing is under attack. 1433 brothers hehehehe.

i listened to dr pierce in 2012 and it was pretty influential to me at that time. he had some GREAT content but his Activism was still VVN 1.0.  also i hear he wasnt the greatest father. SAD. but he could still redpill you on the JQ.

if anything it makes me want to talk to george more. i’ve messaged him briefly and gently encouraged him to look into this stuff…..and apparently he’s already pretty far in. GOOD! GREAT!!!

hopefully by the time this comes out in sept 2017 he will be moar forward about it.

wodensthrone curse – really good. think the second half is maybe stronger than the first! and thats always good. i was getting hair raising chills for like the last 10 minutes STRAIGHT. WELL DONE. i didnt think music could do that any more. that i couldnt get any joy or awe out of music. WODENSTHRONE.

good for george. good man. this increases my confidence in george. i was worried he was just gonna do the same thing for 5 years hahahaha. IMHO he needs to run with the racial stuff, but i wont push him to talk about it before he’s ready. i mean he is putting his actual FACE out there. and its more harmful to be doxxed for VVN than to be doxxed for neet loserness.

i am tempted to email him about this hahahaha but he might think i am a stalker. maybe i will email him in a couple months about it.

friday night, tom off, normally i would have been in bed 2 hours ago, now i am rocking out to WODENSTHRONE and really WRITING like an absolute madman. finally got some people at the card table to will do a little of that.

REALLY wish i had some MJ, AS DEGEN AS IT TRULY IS. that will be my damn VICE.  but on a night like this, i would stay up late, smokin MJ till 2 am hahahaha then crash to sleep a long solid unbroken dreamless refreshing sleep.

well the awesome guy accepted my linkedin invite same day and sent me a message asking for my email, i emailed him back with the info and Cupped The Cajones a little more, hahaha. unfortunately the sent email was formatted all weird so now he prob thinks i am an unemployable weirdo who needs more help than an Educator can provide, hahahahaha.

no i’ll buy him lunch if he wants, shit hes such a nice guy he would probably buy me lunch with his huge paycheck hahaha. i gently suggested to him he should write a book or do a youtube channel. shit maybe hes already written a book. probably a sizable minority of people we get have written books.

also today was inauguration day. did i mention that hahaha. trvmpenfuhrer is now no longer president elect, but full blown president. not bad. now watch him cuck for ZOG hahahahaha. but let us bitter fearful bigoted working class ammosexual trumpanzee hwytes have our brief moment of happiness hehehe.

i mean educated people treat you like youre IGNORANT if you say you dont believe nonwhites are OPPRESSED. period. oh you cant be SERIOUS. how can you not SEE the institutionalised racism! a person today was talking about “cultural capital” and yeah these sociology concepts are potentially useful, but they just take it to the wrongest conclusion.

i mean shit, maybe nonwhites ARE oppressed. but you wanna play that shitty game, you know who else is oppressed? HWYTES!!!! hahahaha. oppressed by J plutocrats and media masters and Globalist Banksters.

maybe my holy mission is to organize all goyim against the eternal international J hahaha. goyim here meaning whites and blacks and browns.

maybe i will get banned for even using the word g0yim hehehe. stupid g0yim. the G0YIM KNOW, SHUT IT DOWN!

what if i lived in the UK where they have no freedom of speech? dont tons of UK people use wordpress????

listen man i’m not inciting anything and i don’t HATE anybody. this is not a rabid hate channel hahahahaha. and these scumbags still went after MW. so glad he came back with his new video saying FOAD you scum.

 

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I DONT WANT A PRESIDENT WHO DOESNT USE VULGAR LANGUAGE TO TALK ABOUT WOMEN

oct 5 2016

sheeeeeeit.

ok. got up and prepared for day like responsible man: shower, shave, breakfast, brush and floss, tied tie, now i am just waiting until i leave in 53 minutes to drive to interview starting at 2pm.

tell them at interview today that if it get the job at the “bank” uhhhh i have to take it. that is the one with int on upcoming tues that i am all excited about hehe. i mean it is a patently better job, better pay, prob better benefits, closer, i’d be an idiot not to. any non-failing business would agree with me hehehe.

leave for interview in 13 minutes. all dressed up atm. ready to go. try not to diaerrhoea.

shirt is def too big. pants are….not too small but they are “slim fit” unfort, so they will ALWAYS feel a little weird. i honestly could not find an ok looking blue suit that was not slim fit. it was the price i had to pay.

yeah just the idea that you need 100% accuracy and no errors, the job is, this NEEDS to be PERFECT, not 99.9%, but 100%, every time, your job is to make sure its PERFECT. ok i get that. but what i dont get is that asking a more experienced person to SIGN OFF on this is considered time wasting and hand holding and youre fired. NO. it should be Best Practices and Standard Operating Procedure to have a “Team Lead” Sign Off on your work.

oh golly gee i dont know what im doing but i hope its right because our paying client needs this airplane door to be 100% or else it will fly off at 140000 feet and 500 passengers will get sucked out the door to their deaths hahahaha.

or this bridge will fall apart and 1000 people will die and its on YOUR hands, lowly level 1 guy, not the Master Engineer who YOU thought “should” “sign off” on such an important project. no hes got better things to do like get drunk at lunch and look at Prep The Bull and Trap Porn on his work computer and make 4 times as much as you.

later

welp did my interview. it was kinda ridiculous but not in a horrible way. mainly the guy double booked his interviews for 2 people at the same time, there was a white man also dressed in a nice suit, but he seemed about 5 years older than me.  but healthy and regenerate looking hahaha. very healthy weight. anyway this other manager decided he would essentially do the interview with me, so i started talking to him, he was an all right guy, but then it was like ok lets see if the original manager is ready to talk to you now. so i ultimately talked to TWO managers one after the other and the whole thing took like 1 hour 40 minutes. thankfully both guys were nice and the company and job actually seemed all right EXCEPT there is a kind of sales/incentive pay structure, but there is a damn 13 week training program and starting at 17 dollars an hour at that time, so…..thats pretty good. the guy said the guys here were very “BLUE COLLAR” and i said thats great, I come from a blue collar family and have a Thick Skin to handle Bantz and F-Bombs hahahahaha.

i said all the right marketing bullshit about the companys culture and values and bla bla bla.

there were some times when i stumbled and sounded like an autist, similarly to how i did yesterday, but just like the person yesterday, they didnt jump on me for it or even seem to care. so i spilled the spaghetti a couple times, NO BIG DEAL. and that is ultimately pretty encouraging.

there was a sales office right there and they are hiring sales people too. i said my background was more geared towards Service Technician than Sales per se, although I DO have very good Communication and People skills and like to Educate people hahhahahahahaha.

but they also emphasized they are an Ethical company and do not try to sell people things they dont need. Which could be BS, but I said, Good, because I’m a very ethical guy and I wouldn’t want to sell people things they really don’t need. which is NOT BS!!!!!!!

well i have been so busy interviewing i missed the deadline for a few jobs to apply hehe. have to keep a PIPELINE going hahahahahahaha.

one thing i did like about the job today was that they had a lot of training. a LOT of training. 13 weeks. they said a lot of guys were confident at 8 weeks and said let me get out there, the the company wanted to err on the side of caution. and make sure people passed tests and got certified for jobs where certification was not Legally Mandatory.

now they could just be bullshitting to sell the job to me…..but its pretty good bullshit! shit yeah tell me more about how you make sure your people are fully trained.

since it does get into incentive based shit after training, i asked if any of the people really struggled with that. the manager said everyone is doing well and reaching goals. and these are salty technicians and not born smooth talking salesmen.

anyway i hate the idea that a woman will dump you as soon as you stop showing strength. that she can need you but GOD FORBID you ever need HER. is this really the way women are and i just have to accept it? I accept that men are stronger emotionally and physically and mentally than women and that men have to do MOST of the work……but I don’t think women cant be capable of doing any work at all. so you have to support her always, and she supports you NEVER? thats fookin gay.

yeah well she never gave up and walked out when her longterm boifran was freezing HER out. but im not sure he was being “WEAK” though. he was being strong but silent hahahaha. well, he might not have been being “STRONG” but he wasnt being WEAK either. he was jsut distant and cold and stubborn. but she made a real effort with him at least.

so yeah she was capable. jsut not with me. because i was weak hahahaha.

i just HATE the idea that you have to be PERFECT or else they LEAVE.

but thats clearly not true! her BF wasnt perfect and she gave him MORE than a fair chance! many women stay with men who are VERY not perfect!

yeah but these men present as strong, and not at all as weak. they dont get nervous or anxious. they might get ANGRY at the women always wanting to TALK and DO STUFF and FIX stuff. but the men are not freaking out like a hysterical WOMAN.

oct 6

 

classic album here, if you dont like this album, gtfo. train your 3dpd fat slob to like this album as you bang her hahahahaha.

as a lifelong fan of srs metal, i have learned the important and mature lesson than women who like metal = crazy = bad (im talking about like serious fans of black or death metal, not they like a few random hit metal songs by metallica or pantera or slayer or motorhead or iron maiden or something, that should be fine).

but yeah a woman that likes the CURE, i would still be pretty impressed by that. even though im old enough to KNOW BETTER about being IMPRESSED by a womans MUSICAL TASTE. its a traaaappp.

i dont even think robert smith is as big a degenerate as most musicians, well, assuming from the fact that he’s been married to the same woman for like 40 years.

never saw the cure live and they are one of the few on muh live concert bucket list. note to self, if i have feelings for a woman, do NOT take that woman to the cure concert, because i wont be able to remember that as a good memory when she dumps me and breaks my heart hahaha. go with a male friend or alone.

yeah hard to go wrong with the cure. it is smooth and chill, and beautiful, and melodic, romantic, catchy, and also sad and emo, and spine chilling, and this album is probably their best moment. the Lush Beauty of “pictures of you” to the super catchy hard rocking of “fascination street” and of course their biggest hit “lovesong” which is a great song. i mean its impossible not to like and RESPECT this album. for any fan of music. if you dislike this album YOUR JUST STUPID.

yeah i guess if youre a total hipster you could say its too mainstream and overplayed. its def mainstream but is it REALLY overplayed? are these REALLY boring songs? these are timeless, classic songs that are played a lot for a REASON.

it IS a little LONG though at 63 minutes, where 40 minutes is the ideal album length.

working class men on Worksites listen to MUSIC all day as they do their hard work. i think this is very significant and worth some thought. if you are listening to music, it is harder to PANIC and be ANXIOUS and NERVOUS, and ALSO it means you are CONSTANTLY TALKING and thinking on your feet to come up with Bullshit Explanations for both your supervisors and your customers. that is EXHAUSTING. its like CAMPAIGNING for president and you have to talk and bullshit all day. i could NEVER do that, i dont know where trump gets his ENERGY, but its safe to say he’s always been that way, and some people just ARE.

heheh i forgot about the 311 cover of lovesong. that is tbh pretty darn good fam hahahaha. pretty secsy for blowing out your bitches asshole hahahahaha. because they LIKE being treated like Jooish Pornographic Filth. Absolutely Disgusting. BELIEVE ME, I would rather treat them as Fragile Flowers, because I HATE Jooish Pornographic Filth. Hate that Disgusting SHit that has RUINED Women And Men. words cannot describe the HATE. i dont hate nonwhites, i might not even hate joos, but by god i HATE the disgusting filth that joos have created! I hate the evil they have done!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

funny that the cure has an album called “pornography.” as an old man, this to me is AWESOME because that is an INCREDIBLY dark, despairing, nihilistic album, and I think this terrible feel perfectly captures the actual real essence of pornography. it is not secsy or hot and all. it is empty and despairing and nihilistic and soulless and horrible. i’m not sure if thats what robert (first name basis hahahaha) was getting at, but i like to think he was hahahahaha.

and yeah “pictures of you” is a CLASSIC FOR A REASON!!!!! and perfectly captures Lost Love and Heartbreak and Regret and embodies what i have felt for the past 14 months hahahahahahaha. thankfully i can enjoy the song on its own merits as a way to express a personal emotion that was unshared with her, hahahaha. meaning, im glad i never cuddled or buttfooked her while listening to THE CURE or this album, because then it would actually REMIND me of her, rather than help me Get Over Muh Emotions ABOUT her. in other words, the cure is MY thing and not HER thing, definitely not OUR thing. well she probably likes a few cure songs but we never shared any cure moments, thank god.

NEVER share things with women hahahahaha cuz then you cant enjoy your favorite music and movies when they break your heart and leave you. THEY WILL RUIN YOUR FAVORITE THINGS FOR YOU. i mean thank god i can still listen to neil young, but it took a while! TOO LONG!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! yeah i mean you get over it, but it sucked that i couldnt even listen to one of muh favorite music guys for months!!!!!!!!!!!!

want to get out of house before noon today (oh god that sounds so lazy and negrish!!!!!!) and do some errands

also prep for autist aba job interview tommorow

AND apply for 3 jobs because i think about 3 decent jobs are gonna “expire” by tommorow

AND get good powerwalk

AND get 14 pushups

AND eat less than 1200 calories because i went like EIGHT HUNDRED OVER yesterday, oy vey.

uhhhh 14 pushups is a good baby step, but all together that is a lot of baby steps hahahaha.

ok went to store

ok called the interview place and stalked the woman who will be interviewing me, she was supposed to email me 2 days ago but it never went thru because she typed my hard to spell email wrong.

i called her and aksed for her hard to spell email and successfully sent a message to her hahahaha. thankfully she does not have a masters degree and seems like a nice person from the stalking i did.

ok got the shit printed out, hehhehe if you have to print out 10 pages of shit for every interview, thats 250 pages hahahaha. i have already bought 2 black ink cartridges and am burning thru the 3rd one pretty quickly. so stupid.

not going to get a ton of sleep tonight, might blank out and do a gary johnson aleppo moment tomorrow. that really looks bad. well if he can get to be governor, i can get a 12 dollar an hour autism technician job.

uhhhh applied to 2 jobs today but not 3. prepared my info sheet for tomorrow.

this org clearly has a problem with people not sticking around. prob because they quickly find better paying jobs. and they cant afford to pay them more because they are a nonprofit org. so they are angry about people getting valuable autism training and then leaving before 10 months. but i……

i dunno i just hate being in a job and saying OH GOD HOW AM I GONNA DO THIS I DONT KNOW WHAT IM DOING I CANT HANDLE THIS JOB OH GOD WHAT DO I DO OH GOD THIS IS RIDICULOUS WHY DID THEY GIVE ME THIS JOB OH YEAH BECAUSE THEY CANT FIND PEOPLE WHO WILL PUT UP WITH THIS SHIT FOR MORE THAN A FEW DAYS WITHOUT QUITTING!!!! WHAT THE HELL AM I SUPPOSED TO DO HERE WHAT SHOULD I SAY TO THESE PEOPLE TELL ME WHAT TO DO PLEEEEASE TELL ME WHAT TO SAY TO THEM I DONT KNOW WHAT IM DOOOOOOOOOOOING HOW CAN YOU PUT ME OUT HERE IN FRONT OF THESE PEOPLE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

i also worry that the “workplace safety” job will do regular drug tests because you drive a company van. oh god i cant drive a large van!!!!!!! what if the van breaks down!!!!!!

i think this autism job would be more fun and i would enjoy it more and also be able to SURVIVE and WITHSTAND it better, because it is part time and because it is sort of in muh wheelhouse. well i am more conflicting about wanting the autism job vs the safety job, however in the autism vs the bank job, i def want the bank job!!!!!

hehehehe this is assuming i get offers from both jobs in these situations. VERY big assumptions!!!!!

does that mean i had a good feeling abotu the saftey job? kind of!

and i have kinda a good feeling about getting the autism job.

REALLY? I have been REJECTED for ELEVEN dollar an hour part time jobs recently, what reason do i have to be optimistic about a TWELVE DAH PT job? hahahahaha. well because my degree actually relates to this job, sort of, where it doesnt relate to “office administrative assistant” job. which is stupid. i mean the better degree for that would be business. even if i have 30 credits of business classes. doesnt matter i guess hahaha.

shit they might reject me because ive never worked with CHILDREN before. let alone autist children haha.

i wish you could negotiate training wages. meaning i would gladly accept minimum wage for the first month or however long it took for me to be rejected from the other 2 jobs i am in contention for. so if i got one of those jobs, the autism place wouldnt lose too much money training me. cuz its a decent org and i might want to reapply with them in a few years. for one of their FT jobs that dont exist, yeah sure hahahaha.

oct 7 firday

752 AM

up real early today, like a real working man, currently dressed up and ready to go to interview, did not prep so well. as predicted, did not sleep well. well i was up thinking until like 130 am. thankfully i did fall asleep and I was in the middle of an interesting dream that i was scheduled to be part of the death panel on the next daily shoah with k1ke enoch and “sven” and i was like iii dunno guys, what the hell am I gonna be able to add to this, im gonna sound like an idiot, but im honored you asked me, i really like TRS hahahahaha. this is probably muh first TRS related DREAM hahahahaha. much better than having dreams about you know WHO hahaha.

ok. like i say, its a tough call between autism job vs safety job. for a normie, no its not, the safety job BTFOs the autism because it pays more, more hours, FT, established company, health care, bennies etc.

12 pm

welp did the interview, sent thank you note, recorded it as 95 minutes. spent an hour in there, but onyl about 30 minutes talking to them, and like 20 minutes filling out a damn application by hand which was basically a copy of all the shit i already gave them. i will never understand these stupid hiring policies. filling out shit by hand. unbelievable. told them about muh desire for FT. they were very understanding. talked to a Masters Level Psychologist who is about 7 years younger than me, oy vey hahahahaha.

there might be young 3 year old children biting and smacking and pooping their pants and i have to put diapers on them. i think i would rather do this than answer phone calls hahahahaha.

i dont fookin know man i just want a job where i can get help if i need it and i am not constantly needing it and not constantly fighting and struggling to survive every day. good god. the type of exhausting, nervous struggle where you feel like you need to chug Whiskey straight from the bottle at the end of every day.

hehehe normal life is at least 2 to 3 times HARDER for me than for normies. not that normies have it easy! but the basics of Holding Down a Job and Banging A Bitch, those are at LEAST 3 times harder for me. lots of fear and failure hehehehe. lots of time wasted. lots of not getting anywhere.

on the degen show “better things” which im not sure why i am watching, well because i want to see a degen single mother raising degen girls, its really all about degen women, and is kinda like “GIRLS” in that regard. no husbands or fathers, mothers a whore, her oldest daughter is 16 and beautiful and is becoming a whore, the middle daughter is an autistic ocd 13 year old lesbian, so i guess all that is enough to sell me.

recent episode focused on the 16 year old daughter worried about her future, going to college and all that, what am i gonna do with my life, her high school guidance counselor says no ivy league for you, you shoulda started prepping for that a few years ago, might not have the grades for a good state shool, have you thought about community college?

now the red pill is that community college is awesome but it DOES have a reputation as for underachieving losers, so when you’re in high school, you shudder at the thought. then when 10 years later youre still a huge loser, you think, welp, i have been humbled, time to go to CC now that real University did not work out.

anyway the girl is very anxious and despairing and I totally related and found this storyline very compelling. i guess she smokes MJ and does not get 4.0 grades. dont know if she is a huge horrible slut. PROBABLY, knowing this degen show.

because they show the girl sitting with her degen mom and the degen moms friends all sitting around drinking and talking about ABORTIONS, like how many abotions you got, tell the story of that abortion, and i was like, they are trying WAY too hard to make this show edgy, and what EXACTLY are they trying to say? they were clearly trying to be provocative by having such a “FRANK” discussion of abortions while CHILDREN were amongst them, as if to say, this is NORMAL, this is not a big deal, we all have abortions, and you’ll get abortions too, its just a fact of life, rite of passage for a woman, dont be ashamed of this, its good to be pro choice, and if you get knocked up when you are having fun with Secsy Boys, you can and should totes get an abortion too.

so i felt sympathy for this poor girl just about to become a Woman, and that she was so FOOKED because her mother is such a damn baby murdering degenerate. so the beautiful 16 year old gurl is gonna become a slut REAL soon if she isnt already, prob lose V to badboi, then quickly start riding C carousel, throwing a bunch of betabois away, probably start cheating, not take secs seriously, not take human life seriously, the way she THROWS LIVES AWAY, develop 10000 C stare, never be able to have a serious rel with a man, just like her crazy whore mother who cant love a man either.  but is this “beautifully flawed” woman trying to raise 3 young daughters as a Single Working Mom who is very open about Secs and Abortions and Being Tuff and You Do You Grrrrrl.

and its NORMAL to be a slut and cheat and break hearts and throw people away and get abortions, sex is FUN FIRST and if you get preggers, no big deal, get an abortion, WEVE ALL DONE IT. and sometimes you just wanna get fooked, and if the guy is a sensitive virgin type an gets feelings, AW, TOO BAD SO SAD, its ok to Dump and Ghost him because you just wanted to Get Off.

and we are beautiful in our flaws and we are gonna be as flawed as possible.

and i like the show for confronting Real Shit, but i hate it for taking the wrong opinion on this shit. while at the same time having some good and sympathetic characters. i mean i dont even really hate the mom. but i should.

to make her daughter feel better, the mother took her to the store and made her dress in a Ladies Business Suit, and said there you are, you look just like those successful peopel who have their shit together, youre no different than them. it was actually sort of touching even though she should not be so worried about career and shit. she should have a good father who helps her find a good husband.

i mean the show could have pushed more Red Pills about You Dont Have To Go To College. Go To Trade School or Community College or Military.

so they talk to a bank teller and mom says do you have any college, teller says no just a GED and i started this job at age 22 and im 25 now.

this could have opened a real good conversation but they just left it there.

so do you portray the bank teller as a failure because they didnt go to college? no not at all, which i liked.

i would have liked more if they had a 30 year old with a masters degree living with his family because he is still trying to pay back 200k in student loans hahahaha and he’s done, he’s finished, given up on life, i’ll never get anyway, i wish i could have a family but i’ll never afford it, and i havent dated a woman in over 5 years hahahahaha. that would have been some great black pill shit.

basically, college educated 30 year olds who cant afford to move out hahahaha because they are only making 12 dollars an hour and are 80k in debt for useless college hahahaha.

tfw when you see a picture of FENRIZ when he was very young, like 20 or 21 or so, and realize he sort of reminds you of THAT WOMAN.

I was completely in luv and wanted to marry and have babies and spend muh life with and was devastated heartbroken for 15 months over a woman who looks like FENRIZ.

fenriz is currently 44 years old as is nocturno culto. culto has 2 children a son and a daughter. i do not think fenriz has any children. not sure how old cultos children are. i hope he is a good father to them.

but yeah there are like 2 pictures of 20 year old fenriz where he kinda looks like That Woman. so weird. i told you she was kidna weird looking hahahahaha. but like fenriz, she had nice long dark hair.

so darkthrone was offered 200k USD to play a festival for one show and they REFUSED. hell yes that shows some serious “INTEGRITY” but at the same time i have to think, you’d have to be stupid to turn that down!

Should a man with CHILDREN turn down 200k for 1 day of work just because of his artistic integrity?

basically I give them a PASS, and I think its kinda STUPID for a man with a FAMILY to turn that money down. even if you dont have a family, you still need money. maybe fenriz has bastard children he needs to pay child support. (speculation). maybe fenriz wants to take care of his aging parents. TAKE THE FOOKIN MONEY GUIZE.

heh. most people just like the music and dont really care about the people behind it.

I dont really care for the music and i am MORE interested in the PEOPLE behind it hahahaha.

i mean the story of these guys lives is WAY more interesting than listening to “plaguewielder” or “the cult is alive” hehehehehehehehe.

i say this because i am sort of excited about darkthrone again due to their brand new album which I am going to listen to today on powerwalk hehehe.

did 3.2 mile, 1 hour powerwalk, my normal walking pace is 3.2 mph and i am happy with that.

listened to new darkthrone album. it has great sound/production and is perfect length and it is not all ridiculous, but uhhh i was hoping it would be a little…..better hehehehe. i mean its no panzerfaust. i mean you can tell they are both enjoying themselves, theyre not just going through the motions, so i think a large part of the prob is me simply not being able to appreciate “new” music.

its hard to get the interest of women when you MAKE LESS THAN THEM. of course im talking about money. basically the only people that I make MORE than are total white trash and negroes hahahahaha. at least when i was making 30k, i was then good enough to pull white trash waitresses and such hahahahaha. and that was the best money i ever made in my life! when i was making like 12k a year, i was staying sane but what the HELL can you do on 12k a year? cant live, cant have a family, cant do anything. cant have a serious rel with a woman. i guess you could bang sluts because you sure arent gonna KEEP any women making only 12k!

wow she dumped him SUPER BAD, super insult to injury there. why do people do this? why do you HAVE to add insult to injury? i mean if i were this guy i would be devastated, my confidence would be CRUSHED for at least 15 months hahahahaha. this type of thing will DESTROY a guys confidence for a LONG time.

also when someone throws you away, people advise you, they dont know what they had, in 2 months they will miss you and be begging for you back. dont take them back. be better than that. they took you for granted the first time. dont give them that second chance.

and that def never happened here. she left me and NEVER looked back. feels bad man! that might even be worse. i wuld def forgive and take her back once. and if she pulled the same shit twice (like they often do) then i would kick her ass out (probably not hahahahaha). but she didnt even come back.

but i am doing my interviews so thats as good as i can ask. i have done about 36 hours of interviews roughly. i guess it would make sense to do 40 hours of interviews. maybe what the lord is teaching me is how to get good at interviews. thats the lesson for this 15 months of pain. how to do interviews. sheeeeeeeeeeeeit.

but if i dont have an interview for a week, then i feel like i lose all those gains. and i need to have at least 2 or 3 interviews a week to get better. kinda like lifting hehehehe.

heh 330 pm and could totes take a nap. cuz i got up at 615am and did not fall asleep till 1 am.

 

super lengthy autistic post but an in depth picture of someone who actually DOES go to a shrink, and both people are willing to go to shrink, and it doesnt really improve things hehehehe. she still blames him.

but yeah he does seem too damn autistic and that is probably a problem.

also yeah she probably IS “depressed” but she should get that diagnosed well before 28. I sure did! because i was trying to improve myself so i could live a normal life with a job and a GF one day.

and good on this guy for improving himself from a fat virgin to an in shape, masters degree, successful, hardworking, guy with a GF. but he is still anal and autistic in a way that will hurt the rel, just as she hurts the rel with her “depression” and lack of interest and effort.

this album is regarded as DT coming back from a perhaps 3-album slump from 1996 to 2003 hahaha. fenriz said he was very derpressed and i guess was feeling better by the time of this album. and he was thankful to culto for essentially keeping the band alive during that time.

anyway i remember i actually bought the “plaguewielder” cd (used) back when cds were still a thing. i was like uhhhh this is not the greatest. and that was pretty much the end of darkthrone for me hahahaha and i never gave “hate them” a chance. i did give “sardonic wrath” a try and actually kinda liked that one. that came out following hate them.

anyway just trying to say i prefer this kind of vocal from culto. the hateful trve black metal vocal rather than the more i guess celtic frost vocal he’s doing now. which is not bad mind you, but the older vocal is better.

i mean there is no competition hehehe. however “boring” darkthrone may be, culto gives a Master Class in how to do good vocals.

62.9% labor force participation rate? that cant be good, unless labor force counts super old and super young people….which it probably shouldnt! and honestly i dont think it does. labor force is work age people. like 18 to 65 or whatever.

oh you know what i am not even gonna shit on plaguewielder anymore. it has shitty artwork but it sounds pretty similar to hate them with the riffage and sick vocals. also culto thanks tom waits on his short list of inspirations and shoutouts. in 2001 before i even knew who tom waits was unfortuantely. did not discover waits until 2003 or 4 at the latest.

also there are “blast beats” on these albums where i haven’t heard them on the newer albums. come on. you gotta have that.

trump scandal of him using “vulgar language about women.”

I DONT WANT A PRESIDENT WHO DOESNT USE VULGAR LANGUAGE TO TALK ABOUT WOMEN!!!!

crude comments in 2005 interview about tits and pussy and whatever. who cares.

well, i kinda care if he is cheating on his wife, but not sure if he was married to her by then.

cuz its not cool to cheat on your wife but he has dealt with his fair share of gold diggers so.

i mean this is fooking stupid and i hope it doesnt COST HIM the election just because WOMEN will be so butthurt. and women shouldnt even be able to vote hehehehehe. but people have short memories too.

even the circle wagons album does not sound BAD. it is quite rocking as a matter of fact.

lesson: even the “worst” darkthrone albums are pretty good.

i would have preffered that he make super racist comments about mudslims or blacks or especially joos. that would be SWEET. BUT, that definitely would have killed his chances 100%, and that would NOT be good.

i like that he didnt apologize THAT much. hes not begging for forgiveness, and kinda saying this is not a big deal. cuz its really not. but i really dont know how real women will take it. i know that msnbc is up in arms hahahaha.

why not criticize the hollywood host billy bush for being an enthusiastic participant in the conversation.

QUOTE

It’s foolish to take the Blackpill with regards to women. It makes you settle for low quality sluts and degenerates. Do you want them to be the mother of your children?

I was in a bad place in 2011. I was dating a used-up slut whom I had nothing in common with. I was struggling to finish school and leave the comfy world of NEETdom. I had gotten into reading ‘The Red Pill’ and that middle eastern rapist Roosh, and my opinion of women was extremely low. Thus, my expectations from women were low.

This girl was a degenerate waste. She was pretty enough, but was a complete slob, and nearing the end of her 20s. I knew she had dated around, but the extent of the rot was what really got to me. The day I left her was when I attended a ‘party’ with some of her friends, only to discover she had f00cked literally 8 of the men at the party. Her total number was somewhere around 35ish men. One of which included a ni99er. Disgusting. I drove off, deleted her from Facebook and Skype, and washed my hands of her.

I was lucky to get out of that mess with no STIs. I pulled myself out of this depression and blackpill by lifting and travelling, and completely tossed out the ReturnOfKangz/rOOSH shit. Some of the techniques are useful, and yes, 90% of women are somewhere on the whore spectrum, but 10% of girls is still a HUGE amount of people.

On one of my trips, after a year of lifting and healthy eating, I met a complete QT3.14, 10/10. She was introverted, shy, but extremely moral. She was 6 years younger than me, intelligent, had a similar genetic background, and was a fucking virgin.

Married her 2 years into the relationship and it has only gotten better.

Lift, have confidence in your self, resist the blackpill, and you will find extremely high quality women waiting for you to wife them. Let the f4ggot numales clean up the algae of used up whores. WILL TO POWER BRAH

END

i am risking getting banned for posting private forum material here, but uhhhh i wont say what forum i got it from, nor who said it, but i am trying to share an awesome WHITE PILL here: a neetish man was dating a dirty slut, then he turned his life around and married a nice virgin waifu. GOOD FOR HIM. this is EXACTLY the stuff I need to read a LOT more of…..but i’m not finding a lot of it. not enough.

nyquil and coffee combination hehehe. again went way over calorie limit. soooooo easy to eat over 1200 cals.

yeah why shouldnt i link this already.

this and TH are muh fav DT albums. and this one is more “fun.” not sure why the vocals are considered controversial. i think they are great although perhaps mixed a little loudly. the riffs, songwriting, and production are all top of the line, and there is a ton of nostalgia with this album, as it was a big part of muh adolescence at age 18 or so. this is a pretty kewl album to have as your theme music at age 18 hahahahahahahaha.

“quintessence”, come on. probably the darkthrone stairway to heaven right there.

but yeah. a lot of people are interested in things they dont really participate in. politics, professional sports, tv shows, religion. but no one is interested in “relationships” as like a main interest they way I am, apart from WOMEN who are always GOSSIPING. I truly do like to gossip, but I like even more to study and understand the relationships.

its like watching from the sidelines and commenting but never participating. but thats the thing: is that normies DO participate, quite regularly, and dont really comment on it at the same level as I do, just gossip, say whos fooking who, whos dumping who.

and even people who are obsessed with sportsball and watch pro sportsball but are too fat and soft to actually play pro sportsball still often play amateur sportsball or fantasy sportsball.

i dont play Fantasy Relships, although maybe in a way I do: by having these one sided things where I have the relship all in my mind and it does not reflect reality at all.

nyquil makes me unable to think clearly and articulate and be persuasive. still i wish i just had some MJ, i would LUV to smoke a bunch of MJ on a friday night like this and listen to DARKTHRONE.

“the hordes of nebulah”. i used to think this song wasnt as good as the 2 before it, now i see i was wrong hahahahaha. truly a MAGIC album and i wouldnt EXPECT darkthrone to ever capture this kind of lightning in a bottle quite the same way ever again. you cant. again a large part of this was my own age at the time. but this is gonna be one of those albums that i enjoy thru my entire life hahaha. share with muh waifu and children and they will say damn what a badass!

anyway it is just “funny” and mostly sad that i spend all this time and energy and interest thinking about and analyzing Relationships, general and particular, myself and my fantasy rels, others and my perceptions of their real rels, and i think i have the tools and skills and knowledge to be real mature and good in a rel…..but my weakness is the BEGINNING. I cant get it STARTED for various reasons. cant spark the kindling and get the fire going ever.

large part of that is because i am scared to “apply”. at least with jobs i am putting out 450 applications, doing 23 interviews. if i were doing that with WOMEN, i WOULD have been in a real rel by now, or at least had a near normie level of secsual satisfaction. or, hopefully, i would say THIS IS DEGENERATE, I’m not gonna do this unless its in a real rel with a decent woman, fook this banging sluts shit, leave it to the degenerate hedonist nihilist abortionists.

fenriz did recycle the classic “quintessence” riff on his storm “nordavind” album which was recorded in late 1994 while panzerfaust was recorded in early 1994 hehehe.

they got the qt gurl kari rueslatten to sing on the album (from 3rd and the mortal, really need to dig into them more) and supposedly she was very upset and felt betrayed by fenriz because he changed a lyric at the last minute to say something like “death to every man who does not hail the fatherland!” which she felt was ebil racist. and i bet fenriz is not a racist. shit i wish he WAS. he SHOULD be. and poor kari felt horrible guilt after that and betrayed by ebil fenriz. hahahahaha i wonder if he fooked her. the dirty slut hahaha. see this ALL comes from the root cause of my degen pornographic view of women as sluts to be fooked. this is from watching way too much pron, so shame on me. but also shame on women for willingly BEING like that. they dont have to BE sluts, even if the girls in porno are.

and because kari was a beautiful young norwegian gurl with beautiful long hair, i dont WANT her to be a slut.

i want to read more stories of women who are DIVORCING or DUMPING their men because oh god hes a TRUMP SUPPORTER. but r/relships does not allow overtly political topics.

i would think being married and especially with children makes women less leftist catladylike. so they will say oh yeah trump is crude but oh well hes still better than hillary so im still voting for him.

whereas its the C carousel sluts and catladies who will be most offended, and they werent voting for trump ANYWAY.

in other words, its not gonna lose him any votes. its not gonna make anyone who has already chosen trump, say, oh NOW he’s gone too far, and i am changing my vote to HILLARY? i cant imagine him honestly doing any of that. even if he said GTKRWN 1488, which i would luv, people would still say, yeah im still not voting for hillary.

however it will make the hillary people all the more SHRILL and ANNOYING and that might push undecideds towards trump.

undecideds tho? and couldnt this push undecideds to hillary? sure.

BUT HOW MANY UNDECIDEDS ARE THERE REALLY?????

not very many imho. i play it down because i hang out with people who would be MORTIFIED that they have even ONE trump supporter in their friend circle. so i say stuff, ah well, its a classic lesser of two evils thing, i dont really like either of them, but im really dont like hillary, yes i agree with you trump is not super presidential but im a moderate centrist and hillary is just too left for me, so, i have to vote for trump. that kind of waffling shit. actually i wouldnt even confirm i was voting for trump unless i was with some trump voters. thankfully i know a few.

7000 words? damn.

but yeah its funny. i analyze and think about rels like An Interest Or Hobby but never actually participate, when most NORMIES DO participate and dont analyze them to the same level, its just a normal part of normal life, dont overthink it, its not something interesting like football or tv hahahaha.

well to me it is!!!!!!!!

and women arent much better than men. they gossip a lot more about rels but are even WORSE at analysing, understanding, and workign with them. men could at least have a good chance at reasoning their way through them if they tried.

but you cant REASON with women. its like REASONING with a drunk 50 foot baby with a flamethrower. REASONING with a damn tasmanian devil. you cant reason somebody out of something that they didnt reason themselves into, hahahahaha.