AGE 28 and 29

june 28

AGE 28

january. ok my good friend moved out of state in like september of this year.

i did not visit the college town at all this year.

i know for a fact i hung out with girl7 at least once and we went to dinner together in like august28. i paid for her dinner and really wanted to send some signals.  she was about to start her last year of college in a useful degree, where she would immediately be successful and go on to get a masterz degree and be ever moar successful. but during age 28 she was still A College Student.

uhh i took c++ programming 2, an web dev course, a database course.

i hung out with my friend a lot before he moved.

oh fook how could i forget. for a while we were trying to develop a tv show. he was in charge and i was just along for the ride. but he did a lot of work on that during…..well well before summer26.  like summer25, 24, 23. i would drink and throw story ideas at him. he didn’t drink nearly as much.

i drank cheap malt liquor and cheap whiskey and got raging drunk. he drank moderately and responsibly, and drank fancy craft beer.

anyway, he is a great guy. it kinda sucks that he prob won’t move back. so i should go out there and visit him!

ok, lemme tell you exactly what classes i during during year 28:

winter: networking & databases.

summer: CSS and Visual Basic 1.

fall: ASP.NET, Business Software, and C++ 1.

i checked the source.

databases was prob most fun. c++ was real hard and kinda sucked.

girl7 was always too busy to hang out with me. i should have took the hint during year 27. but noooooo i was still in denial in year 28.  still in luv with her.

when the hell did i discover heartiste/roissy? way before this. i had to be 23 or 24. in the drinking days, hehehe. i was horrified and i think i looked to feminism as a way to say, “this can’t be true! heartiste can’t be right!!!”

and now i have learned to stop worrying and luv heartiste. he is right, feminists are wrong.

during summer28 i first saw “three guys one hammer” and that was a big deal. this is the infamous “shock video”, more of a snuff film, where a real man is really tortured and murdered on camera, filmed by the psycho sadistic murderers. that was a gamechanger for me and taught me that True, Objective Evil Does exist unequivocally, and is no laughing matter.

Also I was definitely becoming more conservative by then. I was self-identifying as a conservative by the previous year, by summer27.

the years get more boring and less eventful than they were in my young wild college days, so we can squeeze two years in easy.

at the start of “christmas vacation”, i had a real nice hangout with girl7 and gave her a present like a BETA PUSSY.

AGE 29

january. my friend was gone for a few months.

my other friend was having problems of his own for a while. some stuff similar to me: dui, etc. for a while i was not seeing him too much because i had quit drinking but he hadn’t.  but soon he got a dui and had to quit drinking too , hehehe, and then we got alot better.

but for a while my social life was kinda lacking. one of my main friends had moved out permanently. and i unfort was bad at keeping in touch with another old friend. 2 other old friends.

however by age 29 i had started a social thing which i continue to this day which is essentially a social game with a group of people on a regular basis, at least once a week. won’t say what exactly it is, but it gets me out of the house and it’s fun.

in may age 29 i started my next blog. that was fun as hell. that was the political blog, the one that came immediately before this one. by now i was far right wing and proud, and used that blog to talk about that. i actually got noticed by some bloggers on the far right and it was perhaps a bit too much attention for me. i continued this blog for a little over one year and got a ton of great posts in, and some notoriety.

classes i took age 29:

winter: linux, c++2

summer: nothing. those 2 c++ classes were real demanding and i was starting to get sick of skool again, and it wasn’t going anywhere. by now i had accumulated about 68 credits since summer26 and it didn’t seem to be helping my career any or making me any more money. so f00k it.

girl7 graduated college and started a decent entry level job in her field. we hung out like 2 times in 1 month, which was unheard of. she had left our mutual job and i wanted to kick the flirtation up a notch. i playfully touched her arm in the movie theatre to show i was interested in her bod. she got really weirded out, and i wasn’t being THAT weird. uh oh.

by october age 29 i got my official rejection from her hehehe. well at least i tried, took it to the limit, and got rejected. it happens. fact of life. life goes on. bla bla bla. as long as i could have an answer regarding her before I was THIRTY. and i managed that.

in fall age 29 i took calculus 1.

with girl7 out of the picture, out of my life, finally, i began to accept my racism more. before i thought it was too extreme. now i didn’t give a f00k what was too extreme, the only woman i LOVED was out of my life forever, hehehe, so i was gonna be an extreme racist.

at least i had my weekly social event, and i was getting along very well with my other friend who had quit drinking around summer29. that summer i enjoyed going to his place and swimming in the pool and using the hot tub and sauna. there i developed my official, outspoken love of saunas.

but the girl7 rejecting me in october29 was a big deal, i remember the month specifically. i would only see her two times after that. which is good, i would hate having to see her regularly. i need a clean break.

in december29 i took a fun trip to vegas to meet my good friend who had moved away in fall28. that was a lot of fun. and i had no temptation to drink in vegas.


AGE 27

june 28 2014

AGE 27

janurary. my brithday is not in january, i will not say which month my birthday is in, except that for the Year of Age 27, I was 27 for the majority of that year. and so on.

uhh just to clarify: during age 23 and 24 i was more serious about looking into grad skool programs, evaluating my grad skool options, could i get into a good school? no. could i get into a bad school phd? no. i could prob get into a bad skool, for masterz, and i wasn’t too interested. i fully vetted the local colleges departments to see if they had someone i could reach out to, in the stuff i was interested in.

i searched for articles and areas that would be good for thesis, dissertations, trying to hone my own research interests. i came up with a list of like 200 references. that was pretty good. all during age 23 and 24. we’re backtracking here.

forgot what my “dissertation” was. something about depression throughout emerging adulthood, failing to reach goals, failing to get a job or relationships, never growing up, being a huge loser, starting off promising but dropping the balls, alcohol abuse and depression, social class and depression, social skills, evolutionary psych, men and women, mating, masculinity. heh. motivation, giving up, being LAZY. basically, just what you’d imagine.

but i could never narrow it down such that, i’m interested in THIS, and then finding the best fit program in the nation for that. besides it would probably be too good for me to get into.  like Dr. Buss’s evo psych program at Univ Texas for example. that’s a great school.

i went to a meeting with an adviser for the masters in counseling at the local university. she was a huge butch lesbian but pretty nice.  i was unaware that masters of counseling even existed. it would prob be considered kind of a loser masters at my undergrad skool, but it fits right in with my interest in Counseling People and Helping Them.

also, just to clarify: i never made out with girl5. the most i did was have a couple real good hangouts with her and hug her once.

i never made out with girl4.

i never made out with girl6.

heh. i never made out with girl7. oh wait that’s a spoiler hehehehe.

so back to age 27.

in early27 winter term, i took like marketing, and some computer class. econ 2 somewhere in there.

slowly transitioned from “business” to “computers.”

hung out with girl7 for the first time outside of werk in veryearly27, like january. that was nice but i still couldn’t feel her out. but i was off house arrest since about september26, so i could at least hang out with my friends again.

in summer27 i took some classes. um management, and then visual basic.

fall27 i took c++ coding 1 and i dunno. an online class in web dev, html, css, etc.

back to spring. girl7 turned 22. funny. the age gap between her and me was bigger than the gap between girl2 and me that made me so nervous at that time…..but 18 and 21 vs 22 and 27 really is a lot different. i didn’t care she was so young, i thought i had a chance hehehe.

i continued seeing shrink.

in spring a college friend got married and i went to visit for the first time since….summer25. almost two years. when prior to that, i had been going up there once a month and getting wasted.

at the wedding i obviously didn’t drink, everyone was impressed by my not drinking. i did smoke weed there for the first time since summer25.

that made me REAL nervous and panicky and soon after i shut down my blog which had been going pretty strong for over a year. because when i smoked weed i thought, jeez, why am i screaming to the whole world what a LOSER i am??? I’m a huge loser! I don’t want the whole world to know it!

so i took it down.

I HAD to have been off probation if i smoked weed. HAD to have. but it was no more than one month before that that i got off probation. during probation i was doing drug/alcohol tests at least once a week.

summer27. might have been the last time i saw girl6. within a year she would be gone, moved to a different state. good, hehehe. i didn’t need to see her. but we did get along well last couple times i saw her.

another really big deal is that one of my old school friends who i hung out with quite regularly and who always had my back and stood up for me, he moved out of the state too. that was in fall27, or fall28.

i remember his mother died of cancer well before he moved, and that was a huge deal that made me even more scared of cancer. because she went from being healthy as f00k to DEAD in under 6 months.

pretty sure i was still drinking when she died. i think i was drinking at the bar when he called me and told me she died! so that was….. fall25 i think. then summer26 i got busted for dui.

and so i think he moved in fall27.

sh1t. hehehe. i had to check facebook. he moved the previous year, fall26, a couple months after i got arrested hehehe.

no you know what, he moved twice. and fall26 was the first time, then he came back shortly after, in early27, and we had at least another year of fun together. and THEN he moved out again in fall27 or fall28 and then THAT was for real. ok. checked facebook, that was fall28.

heh. i should know but as you get older the years are harder to tell apart.

what are we on, age 27?  yes, so by this time my hair was DEFINITELY starting to fall out. that sucked.

did i hang out with girl7 at ALL in summer or fall27? maybe once. i asked her to hang out but she was always busy. should have been a sign to me.

next: age 28

AGE 25 and 26

AGE 25

january. now, not much happens during the winter, excitement only happens during the summer, and i was dirnking alot these years, so i might get the summers mixed up.

continued drinking at home and occasionally, about once a month, visiting college friends. really needed a job but my motivation and chutzpah was an at all time low. had just given up and just wanted to drink as much as possible.

didn’t really smoke a lot of weed during this time.

either this year or last year my fam was worried about me, and well they should be, and i went back to the docker and got back on the paxil. every couple of months i would get the paxil stepped up until i was eventually taking the max dose of like 50 or 60 mg a day because i was a huge loser and super “depressed” and needed something strong as hell.

of course the drinking probablyt got in the way of it!

it was DEFINITELY age 25 that i began seeing my shrink. it was the first time i ever saw a shrink. ok, she is really a “counselor” with a MSW degree. i should have been seeing somebody like this since i was 18, if not 16! NOT 25!!!!!!!

so, i definitely met girl6 at age 24, and probably it was summer24 when i met girl5 in her homecity and had a very memorable, bittersweet final meeting with her.

age 25 was probably the start of my Sloppy Embarrassing Home Parties. when that really started to become a problem.

I had reconnected with my old good friend from high school, and he was kind of a drinker, and with him, i stepped up my own dirnking. he got his own place so i would start going there to dirnk and crash for the night. drinking and crashing. a new place to drink and crash.

in the fall of age 25 i FINALLY got a job, the job which i stayed at for 5 years. it was easy and fun and stressless and good times, but also a little boy part time loser job. but after almost a year and a HALF of total joblessness, it was a job, and i wasn’t gonna flip out and quit it.

anyway i started the shrink before that, like in the spring25. drank like crazy summer25 and pined over girl6 who was getting weirder and weirder.

i’m sure i pined over girl5 a little too!

definitely by summer25 i had started a very notable blog. because i remember posting a drunken post from my friends house, and also girl6 was reading the blog.

i want to say summer25 we had a nice summer getaway to this guy’s cabin/cottage. i drank a sh1tload of beer, fell off a boat and got that scar on my chin from doing so. tried to seduce girl6 who was there, but it wasn’t happenin.

ok i had definitely started the paxil, because the paxil magically made me able to drink OBSCENE amounts of alcohol without dying. and then i would make a HUGE 4ss of myself because I just drank an entire fifth of whiskey by myself in one sitting, or just drank 20 beers.  with the paxil i could drink RIDICULOUS amounts of alcohol,and in turn did RIDICULOUS things.

so i started the paxil either in early25 or late24.

started the shrink in spring25. that prob helped me get the job in fall25.

and it was at that job in fall25 that i met the auspicious Girl7.

i thought she was a little weird at first, but i quickly saw she was much better than girl6, who was promiscuous and crazy. girl7 was nonsexual and on the level. no drinking, no partying, no sechs, just college. a real asexual nerd gurl.

i thought it was interesting that she was conservative, i never had met a conservative gurl before. i think at the time i still thought of myself as a leftist.

hehe i remember i was reading feminist stuff at the time, thought i was a feminist, and was trying to convince gurl6 to become a feminist, that feminsm was good for women, and didn’t she see the patriarchy all around her oppressing her? haahahahaha.

i had wanted to take some classes for a while, but my stupid f00ked up logic was, i wanted to find a job first, so i could have an income stream. yet in the interim spent hundreds if not thousands of my savings on BOOZE.

well, now i had a job, and thus could start taking classes.

AGE 26

january. by age 26 i was done liking girl6, that crazy b1tch, and was in luv with girl7, that pure chaste nice gurl, taking a few months to get to know her of course. during the winter26 skool term hehehe. by summer 26 i was in luv and wanted to hang out with her and make a move. i was 26 and she was 21.

in summer26 i was drinking with my heavy drinking friend, on a huge paxil fueled drinking spree, when i finally got my dui. i was ridic drunk, well over .2, and this was a humiliating event which caused me to stop drinking entirely, and i have not drank at ALL since.

since i started the job in fall25 that stopped me from going to the college town because i always worked on weekends,when i would usually go.

now summer26 i had a dui, the cop made some really insulting remarks to me before letting me out about being a huge loser who was going nowhere in life, what the hell are you doing with your life, 26 years old and you’re working here, that’s not a serious job, what you got a college degree, what the hell are you DOING with your life; and the whole experience was humiliating.

i persuaded the doc to give me some buspar for muh anxiety. and i was taking max paxil, like 50 mg a day.

saw the shrink more regularly during the stressful time of muh probation and all that.

i remember cuz i started my first class in summer26, an accounting class, because i wanted to take a bunch of Useful Classes. a few weeks after that class started, got dui.

hehehe. that hampered my plans to get things started with girl7. i was essentially on house arrest from july to september and could not go anywhere except work, shrink, school, church.

but that is the price you pay! at least i didn’t kill anyone!

whole thing cost me like at least 6 grand, which destroyed my savings and then some.

heh. real low point of my life there, but at least it couldn’t get any lower. and it didn’t! i got an a in the accounting class, and then in the winter took accounting 2 and econ 1. i think. got a’s in those.

and i kept my job, they never found out, so that was good.

also i did hang out for the first real time with girl7 in the early fall i wanna say. uhhh no. that was actually at the very end of age26 year, or very beginning of age27year. dec or january.

next: age 27


june 2

its amazing. here i am going on this fun advneture and i am still thinking about that dream i had about girl7 early this morning. that’s the way it always is with these dam dreams, they linger all day.

dam. all dam day. i mean i want her to call me up or email me right now and say “i made a big mistake, plz come back to me, I would luv to hang out and make out and sit on your face and have true luvsechs for 9000 hours straight while i rub every inch of my nekkid boddy all over u forever and ever.” and i would say HELL YEAH FINALLY. all is right with the world.

ONEITIS in other words!!!!! pedestal!!!!!!

so hopefully that will go away tomorrow.

took pwalk, it was nice and warm. but a bit humid and i got really sweaty hehehe.

but yeah when u are in luv with a gurl you will do insane fetish stuff you wouldn’t want to do with other girls. so the luv actually kicks the sechsy aspect up a notch.

of course, to be in luv with somebody, you kinda DO have to be sechsy attracted to them.

Which is the problem I had with NotQuiteGirl9b. Heh. Luv that nomenclature dawg. great wonderful person, good mother of muh children type, but i have no desire to do anything physical with her. contrast with g7 where I would do unspeakably disgusting things with her, or even just with an avg young qt where i would gladly bang them (but wouldn’t lose my mind doing weird stuff with g7. probably.)

ANYWAY. just try to be normal and fun and funny and not weird with these winner normalfags. one of them could get me the job that saves my life later. if the discussion gets personal, just f00king LIE if i have to. it really shouldn’t be that bad. plus at least the one guy I even TRUST and don’t have to TRY so hard!!!!

might get a chance to bnag a gril. I said as long as she’s 6 or above. Or, even, 5.1 or above. just can’t be 5.0 or below.

what if she is 5.09? is the question begged.

well, depends on her age. the younger the better. of course, youth gets factored into her score anyway.

umm if i can score some xanax and she has a nice 4ss then the 5.09 might be a go. but not a 5.08.

of course i will not drink, i might well never drink again. but I WILL have some benzos if available, or take one HALF a puff off w33d. one full pvff is way too much for the likes of me.

and don’t argue with the leftists. heck AGREE with the leftists so they don’t try to get in an argument.

june 11 2014

welp i finally got back from muh little adventure vacation. the good news is there is no bad news and things were really fun and chill and i am very thankful. reconnected with at least one guy, the great guy i was talking about, and he is even greater than i remember, turning into a real role model.

the thing which i have to mention is we were talking about old people and he mentioned he had dated a gurl who was….. girl8 i have mentioned, and i was totes blown away, i didn’t know about that, and i told him i was kinda in luv with her and she was the one who got away for me and how i would love to marry and have babies with her even now and that i was kinda jealous that he got the chance to hang out, cuddle, make out, and bang that 4ss, because with her i actually liked her and would enjoy it on an emotioanl and not just physical level.

so i am not butthurt about it, i just thought it was a real funny coincidence, and of course a little jealous of all the things he got to do with her that i can only dream of, and i jokingly confessed as much, and nice guy that he is, he encouraged me to Get On It and that nothing is holding me back from Dating a Gurl like her, or even her herself. he is really nice like that, tries to hype up and boost the confidence of his frands.

so yeah that was just funny, but now i am of course thinking about using him to get into contact with her.

at this point, sloppy seconds or “eskimo brothers” is not a big concern for me, since i was already in luv with her.

funny thing is, he might have broken her poor widdle heart, which is not really that cool, but that doesn’t affect my Rel with Him, he is still a capital guy in my book, and I would like to make a thing of seeing him regularly now that we have very nicely rekindled things.

he has extremely good social skills and i was pushing him to ask people ridiciulous things just so i could study and take note and learn how to Communicate with people Confidently, because he has that skill in spades. I am tempted to say he is a full blown alpha male who could have any woman he wanted.

so i watched his Social Style with great interest, and how could I emulate that. and of course i will share with You.

getting things done, making tricky Phone Calls with ease, just generally being a Huge Social BOSS. I learned quite a bit just being around him, and of course would like to be more like him.

and he was not condescending to me, or a douchebag or d1ck to me, we picked up just like no time had passed, and he was very nice to me and laughing at all of my ridiciulous jokes, we were cracking each other up, it was really very good, and the gurl8 thing is really minor, i just have to mention it because girl8 is……not a significant, but def a NOTABLE part of my “luv life”, as i have dreams about her, would want to Date her, and is one of the last Wimmin I ever had Feelingz for.


june 1

if while doing spring cleaning (which can be done ANY time of year, even the dead of winter!) and you see something that reminds you of an old friend but you really don’t need to keep it because you’ll never look at it or use it, but it’s hard to throw away because you didn’t leave on Bad Terms with that friend, you just grew apart, then Say A Prayer Of Gratitude and GoodWill for them, then throw the thing away, saying something like “don’t take this personally buddy, i wish you all the best, but I just need to clean my dam house”. and throw it away or give it to charity.

i guess some people get really emo attached to photos, if their house were burning, they would run to save their photo albums first.

ummm that’s understandable and acceptable. but i really don’t have a lot of photos…

ok i guess don’t throw photos out, just put them in a box. if it’s someone who RIPPED YOUR HEART OUT, ok yes you can and should throw photos of them out.

unless it is “revenge porn” hehehehehe. i think revenge porn is great. b1tches shouldn’t let you take nekkid pitcherz if they are just gonna j you over later!

note: i am NOTE encouraging any illegal or abusive activity!!!!!!!!!!

ehhhh wimmin. they are ok i guess, but i can TAKE THEM OR LEAVE THEM. So far in mah life, THE CONS HAVE OUTWEIGHED THE PROS.

also, they say that the def of insanity is doing the same thing over and over and expecting a different result.

i wonder if that’s jsut a wives tale because to me that technically sounds more like Stubbornness or Laziness, but not necessarily INSANITY. Of course in the back of your mind you prob know that what you’re stubbornly doing again and again is not gonna work, you just hope against hope that it will finally work this time, but not really EXPECTING it to work, per se.

who gives a f.

heh. it will be weird hanging out in close quarters with a bunch of normalfags with good jobs and prob headed toward marriage with their gurlfrans.

well, these really are the types of people i should try to hang out with MORE! and you too.

just be careful not to advertise yourself as a huge loser. HIDE YOUR LOSERNESS. If they pry, just give them a sanitized story and say you’ve fallen on kinda tuff times lately. but eventually you would like to get a nice entry level job in business or computers.

oh no, not dating anyone right now, haven’t met the right girl yet for marriage, not a problem, it’ll happen someday, just working on myself right now, playing the field a little bit.

funny thing is, i actually know some normalfag successfuls but i don’t make much of an effort with them. because 65% of them, i’m not sure i really like. but i should make more of an effort wiht the OTHER 35%!!!

and this is different because this is a completely different group, from my Old Life that I’m trying to erase most of it (except for the nice people) blatantly inviting me to do something.

and since i gave up drinking, it is A LOT EASIER to be on good behavior.

just pretend i am a hardworking normalfag who is having a spell of bad luck right now, but i won’t let it get me down!

but let the one old friend know i really wouldn’t mind an FT position in his Huge Employer. that would be set 4 lyfe.

june 2

ok leaving later tonight. did my errands, got my hair cut nice and short to help with the baldness, got the finances in order THANK GOD, cut the lawn, finally got a second here. want to do last touches on my civilization in settlers; ideally do pwalk, finish packing (toiletries?)

had a dream last night with girl7, o noes. well it’s been like 2 weeks for her, hehehe. in the dream we were driving around LA in a mercedes or fancy car and she was being cold and b1tchy to me pushing me to be a Pushy Customer to a Car Dealer for some reason. now, i prob do not stand up for my rights as a customer enough, and car dealers and car people are notorious for trying to screw their customers, so you DO have to be aggressive right back to them. masculine. I sighed.

of course, me driving around with her like that sort of implies we were “dating” and that I had probably gotten a chance to have her sit on muh face for hours after eating bowls of bacon and beans, eat her 4ss, maybe a little face f4rting perhaps (o come on, hahahaha), licking the sweat out of her 4sscrack, have nice missionary stare em in the eyes sechs, suck on her stomach and belly button and huge bewbs and all sorts of GROSS DEGENERATE PERVERSIONS as well as Happy Cuddling and Making Out, all the stuff that goes along with Dating. But there was really no hint of any of that in the dream. JUST her being a B1tch and testing my masculinity by putting me in an uncomfortable position.

thankfully the dream was short and I don’t remember much of it.

anyway. those disgusting 4ss perversions i don’t really want to do to that extent with every cute young gurl, it was something that symbolized the deep True Luv I had for Gurl 7. Maybe the more you are in Luv with a Gurl, the more disgusting things you are willing to do with her 4ss.

good news is, i’m not thinking of Girl8 at all any more. And I was reflecting that the Experience of Girl7 has pretty much BLOWN AWAY all the other Gurls 1 thru 6, effectively erasing them from my memory. (well, 99% at least, till i get the occasional dream and think of them again.)

heh. now I am thinking of G7 again. Ya know, things would have been a LOT easier if she had just said yes. then i would get a masters degree all day long. or at least gladly work muh crappy middle working class job 80 hours a week if i could just home to dat 4ss. dat heart :((((((( heh what beta bullcrap.


may 16

ok took a nice 3.2 mi pwalk. nice. bretty much made up my mind that YES i should go with the guy on his road trip to the wedding. what would I do if I were a Normalfag who wasn’t Controlled by my Laziness and Loserness? Well, I would be gainfully employed and fly out there, or I would say yes to the guy instantly.

heck i should just say yes right now and then if i get called back to the job, tell em, i got a thing planned and can’t start till june xth. really don’t think they would then say, oh well, that’s 2 weeks later than we wanted you, so you’re fired permanently. they are already using this ridic Seasonal Model Of Employment to cut Labor Costs and to avoid Health Care Costs, much like making A Full Time Job into 2 Part Time Jobs.

anyway it would be genuine fun. and a good way to Make Amends and Assuage Regrets. plus it’s not like a job where you have to stay with it for life. it’s just a limited time. and i might meet some single gurls looking to Party for the night. and I professional network. the list of pros never ends.

protip. ok say you go on a 5 mile powerwalk and then your shirt and shorts are soaked with sweat and then you feel gross, understandably so, putting those same clothes on for a powerwalk on another day. you can do the rinsing the clothes out with soap and water in your bathroom sink as i mentioend earlier; OR you can try taking a SHOWER WITH THE CLOTHES ON. Or, if that’s too weird, bring the clothes in the shower with you and just rinse them out that way.

OR, buy special clothes that Wick the Sweat Out rather than absorb it In Forever. I guess like those Under Armour shirts all the f4gg0ts wear? well at least theyre not unemployable friendless wirgins.

“WICKING” shirt, activewear, athletic gear, go to TARGET and go to the activewear section and get the cheapest v-neck shirt, cheapest Muscle shirt, cheapest shorts, and cheapest pants you can find. get xlarge, something that feels baggy and loose on your body. better to be too big than too small. of course you don’t want it falling down below your 4ss like a n1993r, hahahahaha. and then just go to planet fitness during the winter and powerwalk on the treadmill for 100 minutes immediately after work, and then you can Walk Off the Stress from the Day at Work.

may 17

yep. so if you are faced with a decision and really can’t decide, getting cold feet, just want to say no because you always are afraid to say yes, think, wait a minute, what would a normalfag say? maybe this is my lazy loserness possessing me. and then say yes like a normalfag and Learn Something from the Experience.

damn. had another dream about a true luv girl last night. girl7. remember, it’s not REALLY about girl7 in particular, rather about the General feeling of True Luv I felt for All True Luv Girls. she just happened to pop in.

something involving skool. she was teaching the class i was in, or doing a presentation in my class, and coming off as real smart and professional. can’t remember much but I am pretty sure I acted more butthurt beta to her than I should have.

thankfully I do not remember much about the dream and it is not gonna ruin my day.

I f00king HATE Ben Stiller and the Fockers sequels, but the original “Meet The Parents” has genuinely hilarious moments. Like Robert Deniro calling dogs “Sellouts” or Ben Stiller’s ridiculous dinner prayer. although i do not agree that dogs are “sellouts”. or “emotionally shallow.”  how about u? wimmin, on the other hand….. i don’t hate wimmin, but I don’t LIKE them either.

gearing up for saturday 3.2 mile powerwalk. also really should sent this Guy a response email today, it has been one week since i first got his email, then shot off a quick response, “thank you, will respond soon.”

this is a great protip. when you receive an important email that is gonna take some thought, send them a brief two sentence email thanking them for reaching out to you, as soon as possible, to reassure and thank them. Who the hell (other than weird losers) don’t like being thanked? Even I like being thanked or complimented, and I am a weird loser who can’t pull a job or a wimmin!!!

OK, went for  3.2 mile pwalk, AND FINALLY responded to that guy. now just waiting for him. tried to make the email shorter and not go all out talking about my weird self. heh. in the past,like a year ago, i was writing epic emails to like 3 diff people, it was too much. what I learned from that is, DO NOT tell your old kollege friends that you are out of the Racist Closet or else you will have a lot of splainin and damage control to do. plus back then I was more extreme of a racist. I have simmered down a little bit. Thank RamZPaul for that, heheheh.

We’ll see. take it 1 step at a time. At the very least, I see it as A Sign From My Higher Power to Make Amends to this guy and to the guy getting married, amends for kinda blowing them off a little in the past, and just to tell them they are good people, and should have spent more time hanging out with them than orbiting around Girls 2, 3, 4, and maybe 5, like a luv crazy fool. not like i betrayed them or anything but I was being pulled between at least 2 social groups, and their social group did not get enough face time from me as I would have liked in the long run. that’s all.

heh. i do not have these social problems NOW obviously. i do have friends thank GOD. but one set of friends is more “superficial” and we do a regular fun activity together but I still keep my Inner Self hidden somewhat. though I should make more of an effort to hang out for different types of activities. And I have one friend who I am very close to and we know all each others deepest secrets and fears bla bla bla. and another friend i would like to make more of an effort to see, maybe once a month, but he is a big boy now with kidz.

how about u? yes, if I were a true neet wizard with Zero Friends, that would suck balls.


may 15

so i had a dream about girl7, and thankfully i am not as Sad now as I could be. so I was sitting in a parking lot waiting for a marathon i was participating in to start (!!!!!!!) and then girl7 came up to me out of nowhere and starting talking about how happy she was and how successful career was and how she was back in grad skool to advance her career even more, and the kicker was, she was focusing on tons math right now, tons and tons of math, she was doing “vector analysis” and then I asked her, “is that after DE” and she said yes, and I said bbbbut I thought vectors were standard calc 3, multivariable calculus, and nothing more, and she said WELL YES, they get INTRODUCED in calc 3 at a very plebe rudimentary level, but the real work of course requires a separate advanced course that you take well after DiffEq.

And math had been my one single way to feeeeeel superior to her and now I didn’t even have that, I felt like I had no leg to stand on, I couldn’t candy coat things any more, and I just blatantly honestly showed my frustration and said, “f00k, that sucks.” when i had never said anything like that to her before!

which is lot better than Thinly Veiled Jealousy and Envy and Blatantly Falsely Pretending to be Happy for someone. Just say, damn, that sucks, I’m not happy about your success and my loserness.

now she wasn’t trying to humiliate me, that’s just how it played out. she was genuinely happy to see me and get caught up after a while. Since I was still/always in luv with her, I wasn’t. I wanted her to be in luv with me too, or else just LEAVE.

and that was about it. I should be all downtrodden right now but I’m not thankfully! got muh settlers game to play, coming along bretty well! and girl7 can go f00k herself! plus she will never ascend that high in maths anyway, hahahaha.

no she works hard and deserves all her success and she is not a trifling promiscuous wh0re and she is even conservative and god-fearing….but it really does me no good to talk about her good traits now. or even her bad traits. it does me no good to think about her AT ALL. trying to Erase Her From My Memory, hehehe.

yeah that marxist f4g sartre was right about one thing, hell is other people hehehe. regarding working sh1tty service jobs dealing with idiot f4gg0t horrible customers all day. you become a real humanity hating misanthrope. you can’t believe you’re just a human too. one of THEM!

anyway i don’t like sartre because he was an academic f4g and he b4nged middle class 4ss, haha. i have absolutely no use for postmodern marxist philosophers. i dont even like reading GOOD philosophers like uhhhh aristotle. heh. reading aristotle isn’t gonna make you more employable or get you more action. therefore it will not improve your standard of living, or winningness. not dissing on aristotle per se. he def wasn’t a marxist!!!

heh. settlers not letting me log in. could be server side. not working in firefox, chrome, OR IE. gotta be on them.

thankfully saw 1 mid 20s gurl yesterday I wouldn’t mind banging. how about u. heh. some fat marxist pig on av club said “only 5% of people look good naked.” then how the hell would any man get it up and the species reproduce??? I call BS.

don’t be afraid to call BS! Just because Marxists are super educated, use big words, read big words, spell big words, have PhD’s, are gainfully employed, have S even if it is weird gay marxist phd sex, surrounded by other marxists who take their opinions seriously, they’re still fat fugly losers who constantly talk bs.

went for 3.2 mile powerwalk, about to do the final 1.6 shortly. damn.

i think a possibly important thing is that normalfags, winners, successfuls, upper betas, etc don’t Self Identify As A Loser. when asked to describe Who They Are, they don’t think “I’M A LOSER” and believe that wholeheartedly. Whereas true losers do.

though I was well on the path to being a loser from early adolescence, I was still a winner for a few more years, and didn’t officially become a loser or start thinking of myself as a loser until….age 21? then things got better, normaler….then they got worse again….so by age 23 I was a loser again and have remained a loser ever since.

how about u?

but yeah most people don’t even THINK like this. or if they feel like a loser for even a SECOND, they start working furiously until they don’t feel like a loser any more.

OK, so how did I feeeeeeeeeeeeel last time I was working furiously?

Well, I was stressed out as f00k and felt like I was gonna have a panic attack or burst into tears like a pvssy f4gg0t sissy.

Hard to tell if I still felt like a loser under that, it kinda blocked everything out, and in a way, was even WORSE than Loser Feels.

I think yeah I still did feel a bit like a loser under it all, because the job I was stressing out about was still a Loser Job that I felt I would never rise above, very much beneath my potential, very much beneath all the successfulfags I went to skool with. heh. should have never went to skool. want to erase that from mah memory.

how about u?

and yet it was the closest to a winner’s job i ever had in muh life: proper hours, and the highest pay ever. So really, comparatively, i was at the peak of Winning ever, the closest to winning I’d ever been since I was still a winner at age 18.

Yet noticing how Losery my Winning was, made me aware that I have been an even bigger loser than I thought, for the past 5+ years!

how about u!