AGE 25 and 26

AGE 25

january. now, not much happens during the winter, excitement only happens during the summer, and i was dirnking alot these years, so i might get the summers mixed up.

continued drinking at home and occasionally, about once a month, visiting college friends. really needed a job but my motivation and chutzpah was an at all time low. had just given up and just wanted to drink as much as possible.

didn’t really smoke a lot of weed during this time.

either this year or last year my fam was worried about me, and well they should be, and i went back to the docker and got back on the paxil. every couple of months i would get the paxil stepped up until i was eventually taking the max dose of like 50 or 60 mg a day because i was a huge loser and super “depressed” and needed something strong as hell.

of course the drinking probablyt got in the way of it!

it was DEFINITELY age 25 that i began seeing my shrink. it was the first time i ever saw a shrink. ok, she is really a “counselor” with a MSW degree. i should have been seeing somebody like this since i was 18, if not 16! NOT 25!!!!!!!

so, i definitely met girl6 at age 24, and probably it was summer24 when i met girl5 in her homecity and had a very memorable, bittersweet final meeting with her.

age 25 was probably the start of my Sloppy Embarrassing Home Parties. when that really started to become a problem.

I had reconnected with my old good friend from high school, and he was kind of a drinker, and with him, i stepped up my own dirnking. he got his own place so i would start going there to dirnk and crash for the night. drinking and crashing. a new place to drink and crash.

in the fall of age 25 i FINALLY got a job, the job which i stayed at for 5 years. it was easy and fun and stressless and good times, but also a little boy part time loser job. but after almost a year and a HALF of total joblessness, it was a job, and i wasn’t gonna flip out and quit it.

anyway i started the shrink before that, like in the spring25. drank like crazy summer25 and pined over girl6 who was getting weirder and weirder.

i’m sure i pined over girl5 a little too!

definitely by summer25 i had started a very notable blog. because i remember posting a drunken post from my friends house, and also girl6 was reading the blog.

i want to say summer25 we had a nice summer getaway to this guy’s cabin/cottage. i drank a sh1tload of beer, fell off a boat and got that scar on my chin from doing so. tried to seduce girl6 who was there, but it wasn’t happenin.

ok i had definitely started the paxil, because the paxil magically made me able to drink OBSCENE amounts of alcohol without dying. and then i would make a HUGE 4ss of myself because I just drank an entire fifth of whiskey by myself in one sitting, or just drank 20 beers.  with the paxil i could drink RIDICULOUS amounts of alcohol,and in turn did RIDICULOUS things.

so i started the paxil either in early25 or late24.

started the shrink in spring25. that prob helped me get the job in fall25.

and it was at that job in fall25 that i met the auspicious Girl7.

i thought she was a little weird at first, but i quickly saw she was much better than girl6, who was promiscuous and crazy. girl7 was nonsexual and on the level. no drinking, no partying, no sechs, just college. a real asexual nerd gurl.

i thought it was interesting that she was conservative, i never had met a conservative gurl before. i think at the time i still thought of myself as a leftist.

hehe i remember i was reading feminist stuff at the time, thought i was a feminist, and was trying to convince gurl6 to become a feminist, that feminsm was good for women, and didn’t she see the patriarchy all around her oppressing her? haahahahaha.

i had wanted to take some classes for a while, but my stupid f00ked up logic was, i wanted to find a job first, so i could have an income stream. yet in the interim spent hundreds if not thousands of my savings on BOOZE.

well, now i had a job, and thus could start taking classes.

AGE 26

january. by age 26 i was done liking girl6, that crazy b1tch, and was in luv with girl7, that pure chaste nice gurl, taking a few months to get to know her of course. during the winter26 skool term hehehe. by summer 26 i was in luv and wanted to hang out with her and make a move. i was 26 and she was 21.

in summer26 i was drinking with my heavy drinking friend, on a huge paxil fueled drinking spree, when i finally got my dui. i was ridic drunk, well over .2, and this was a humiliating event which caused me to stop drinking entirely, and i have not drank at ALL since.

since i started the job in fall25 that stopped me from going to the college town because i always worked on weekends,when i would usually go.

now summer26 i had a dui, the cop made some really insulting remarks to me before letting me out about being a huge loser who was going nowhere in life, what the hell are you doing with your life, 26 years old and you’re working here, that’s not a serious job, what you got a college degree, what the hell are you DOING with your life; and the whole experience was humiliating.

i persuaded the doc to give me some buspar for muh anxiety. and i was taking max paxil, like 50 mg a day.

saw the shrink more regularly during the stressful time of muh probation and all that.

i remember cuz i started my first class in summer26, an accounting class, because i wanted to take a bunch of Useful Classes. a few weeks after that class started, got dui.

hehehe. that hampered my plans to get things started with girl7. i was essentially on house arrest from july to september and could not go anywhere except work, shrink, school, church.

but that is the price you pay! at least i didn’t kill anyone!

whole thing cost me like at least 6 grand, which destroyed my savings and then some.

heh. real low point of my life there, but at least it couldn’t get any lower. and it didn’t! i got an a in the accounting class, and then in the winter took accounting 2 and econ 1. i think. got a’s in those.

and i kept my job, they never found out, so that was good.

also i did hang out for the first real time with girl7 in the early fall i wanna say. uhhh no. that was actually at the very end of age26 year, or very beginning of age27year. dec or january.

next: age 27


AGE 24

june 28

AGE 24

january.  yep. still working the low paying temporary leftist job. had turned down the americorps offer, stupidly. i was a terrible fit with the org, but it was just temporary, it wasn’t too stressful other than that bad fit thing, everyone was nice, i got along with the leftists, but it was just super weird. they also offered me a room to live in and that was a big perk, wanted to move out and get muh own place.

well it was in a real bad neighborhood, like crime and gangsters and irresponsible gun wielders and stuff. terrible neighborhood to hang out. i would just buy some cheap beer and sit in the room and drink the beer and got a strong buzz going almost every night. this was not healthy at all.

in march or april i finally left the job and was glad to be out of it. however this started over a year of joblessness. maybe a year and a half, almost!

so during that time i lived with the fam. often i would go up and visit the college friends. some college friends were gradually leaving to go to grad skool, and or big city.

i am very happy that in this year 2014 i was able to apologize to some of the people i neglected during that time!!! finally some good karma!!!

back to age 24. i went up there and drank like an idiot. still saw girl4 a couple times. i wrote some stories, i had a good fiction story going on then, basically a slightly fictionalized version of the end of my college years. where i tried to make myself into a bukowski ish hero.

oh yeah. one of the best things about “Summer 5” (prev post) is that we had a writing club and would drink and read our stories and poems. i got raging drunk and read some classic poems and stories. when i dropped out of skool like a bum, i began my writing career hehehe. but i actually wrote a couple really good poems. total bukowski ripoff though. and at this time was able to share them. girl 4 was there but this did not help my game with her.

anyway. age 24. i was also starting to plug in more to my friends at home. one of them got a house which became the party house and or the hangout house. i began hanging out and partying there. at first it was good to reconnect wiht the people from home. later the parties got more degenerate, i started drinking more and more, and embarrassed myself to them.

during this time i met….girl6.

i must have met girl5 before her, right? it was either the same year or the year before that i met girl5.

so, either age 24 or age 23. i met her during the summer, i remember that, AND i had already moved back home. but girl5 lived in the college town as a student there, in her final year, friend of my college friends. she was really nice and cute and wholesome and nonpromiscuous. kinda like girl4, but NICER and friendlier to me. girl5 actually liked hanging out with me and i didn’t scare her away with my dirnking immediately.

yes, it WAS during age 23 summer i met girl5, because i remember chatting with her while i was working my leftist job in the early months of age 24. settled.

wow. i thought i was older than 23 when i met girl5, but i guess not. she was prob 21 or 22 at that time.

if i were still living in that town you better believe i would have been all over girl5 and probably would have made out with her AT LEAST, if not had an abortive pre-relationship with her, hehehehe. but we were always long distance. so in a way, she was the gurl who got away. kinda like girl8, hehehe. i had two of those, hehehe.

age 24 summer girl5 graduated and moved back to her home town, which was the big cool city nearest to my relatively smaller, much crappier city. she later went to law skool and became a successful attorney making at least 70k a year. strange, because she did not seem the lawyer type. she was not a huge cvnt!

it was either summer 24 or summer 25 that i visited that city with some home friends, and i met up with girl5 for a few hours and we had a great time.  just talking and smiling at each other walking around on a beautiful summer afternoon. yep we coulda had something good if we ever lived in the same town at the same time! i will never forget that day. it was great. that i think was the last time i saw girl5.

so i met girl5 in summer 23, so i met girl6 in summer 24. summer25 at the latest. i was partying at the party house with my home friends, making a drunken fool of myself, jobless. yes that HAD to be summer24. (ie, the summer when i was 24 years old.)

she was only 19 or 20 at that time and real cute. we hit it off ok at first and she even showed an interest in me, but i think it was just a platonic interest. a few months later i was in luv with her but the novelty of the franship had worn off for her, and i wasn’t as new and exciting. there was about one great chance there where we were both drinking, getting drunk actually, two of us alone in the basement. I felt I should have moved towards her and tried to make out with her there, but i didn’t.  damn. and it was all downhill from there. and i never made out with her.

i divided my time getting drunk at home there, and every month going to college town to get drunk there. the job prospects seemed hopeless and i put it off and put it off, occasionally applying for something but never hearing back, and certainly never aggressively contacting them. i had given up essentially. well, i had given up in other ways many years before!

HOWEVER it was either summer24 or summer25 that i reconnected with an old home friend that i have known since high school, that i am good friends with today, so that was good. but i ended up drinking a lot with him, and that was bad.

next: age 25


june 24

so stef molyneux was talking about ambition and aiming high and i never had that, no big dreams, he encourages you to dream big, he certainly does, he admitted to wanting to be the best philosopher of all time, and i laughed. he does have a bit of an ego! a “BIT”?!?!?!?!?!

but that’s his right, and it’s a good confidence builder. so i thought, well, blogging is my thing, writing at least, i’ve been writing forever, it’s what i do, thru thick and thin, i’ve always written. so why not try to be the best writer who ever wrote? make the best blog of all time? so now this blog is my lifes mission hehehehe. and i will make it the best blog of all time, written by the best blogger of all time, and help MORE people than have ever been helped by one person. i will do more good than any one person has ever done!!!!!

of course i reserve the right to switch over to Speaking, since to me, speaking is almost the same thing as writing. i am not married to writing as much as i am married to the language and the words. in fact i think speaking is BETTER than writing many times. so yeah. only reason i’m not speaking right now is because i am too afraid. but as i become the best blogger ever, i WILL probably eventually switch over to speaking for a large portion.

was watching tv (DONT EVER DO THIS!!! DESTROY YOUR TV NOW!!!!!) when i saw joel osteen speaking before yankee stadium and the whole f00king thing was filled top to bottom. for one guy speaking. i would kinda like to get to that level. now his face is very very very very very annoying but i tried to listen to how he spoke. his face was so annoying i couldn’t watch more than 2 minutes, but he was working that entire stadium pretty handily, telling a story. it was a decent story/lesson too: that though parts of our life may “stink”, we just have to use that as “fertilizer” to make ourselves even better. so when someone is an 4sshole to you, you say, THANK YOU for fertilizing me!

now i am actually kind of in an anti-god phase right now, kind of like, fook you, how dare you make us DIE before we can enjoy ourselves! that we have to suffer through our entire stupid lives and DIE before we get to the good part! That’s SOOOOO FOOKED UP!!!!!!!! I want to bang cute gurls in this life! I want to have a nice true luv waifu and five kids in this life! I want a good job in this life! to make a mark and leave a legacy in this world!!! but i don’t think god is saying we can’t. or osteen hehehe.

also i like how joyce meyer works the room. she is another good speaker. ummm are there any other good speakers who are not also huge preachers. tony robbins maybe? steven covey? wayne dyer? robert kiyosaki hehehe. suze orman. prezident barry hussein hwe hwe hwe. anyway if you can speak to a room of 90000000 people like that, that’s good confidence, and you can bang wimmin without needed to imagine you’re banging a better looking wimmin.

turning off the tv is a great life hack. i always have the tv on cuz i think it calms me down. BUT THE OPPOSITE IS TRUE. I AM MORE CALM WHEN THE TV IS OFF!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! TURN THE TV OFF NOW!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

june 25

damn. just had a dream about girl6 of all girls. in the dream we were in a house and people were having a party and the party was winding down. i think. or maybe that was a separate dream. anyway i remember we were in a bed and sort of cuddling, but there was this guy sitting in the room talking and talking who refused to leave and give us any privacy. probably a beta orbiter who was in luv with her and wanted to give me blue balls, hahahaha. we would intensely make out whenever we got one minute of privacy, but someone would always pop back in. we had to find another room to do the Deed. eventually we did and she was already naked by the time i got in there, and took her in my arms and she was very horny and i was very horny and i remember playing with her great classic 4ss. and i remember some very heavy making out, but i do not remember actually sticking it in unfortunately.

so it was a great fun dream, but bittersweet because of girl6 in reality. still not sure what her deal was. left with a bitter taste in muh mouth. she could have well be very crazy but really she was just cold as ice. the type of gurl that would totally dump you the minute after you first bang her. and i would want to bang her at least 100 times because she was real cute. type of gurl that always disappears and has a new set of friends every few months and you really can’t trust her at all, and god only knows where she’s at, what she’s doing, who she’s doing it with. very secretive and mysterious. not trustworthy at ALL. type of girl that would be real good at hiding, lying, and cheating. assuming you could keep her around long enough to cheat on you! she would be more likely to dump you immediately. yes, your pimp hand would have to be strong with this one. you would have to be VERY masculine, alpha, and confident. I might not even be able to fake it at this time, knowing all i do about MAsculine Confidence! you’d have to be damn near perfect to keep her. and she is really not THAT good, to demand that. her price is not that high, or, i should say, her value is not high enough to justify that price. she has some nice qualities in her personality actually, but they are way outweighed by the negative.

she really knows how to make guys MAD and JEALOUS. hehehe. she could be in big trouble if she gets mixed up with the wrong guy. heh. but i don’t think she would tolerate any abusers either. which i guess is good for her…. but i think she may have a bit of SADIST in her. probably a bit of masochist as well, but more sadist. so, i dodged a bullet there, but damn she was cute and I really wanted to bang her 100 or more times, and that was born out in this dream. I first met her and fell in “luv” with her when she was like 19 or 20 and real cute. not she is like 27 and looks a lot older, hehehe. but i would still do all the same degenerate things i would do to her when she was 19. i mean i really wish i’d banged her and made videos of her body. she was definitely on the high end of the level of my raging sexual libido for any of the Girls1thru8.

as of june 2014 you DO need spotify PREMIUM in order to use the lightwieght spotify player spotiamp. damn.

anyway. girl6. real cute and I would do absolutely disgusting, degenerate things to her that I wouldn’t do with normal cute gurls. it’s too bad she never came to her senses and liked me, hehehehe. however she never blatantly rejected me. if i had better game back in the day i might have been able to pull some action from her. but it’s possible i have not seen her since 2009 or 2010! and then soon after that she moved and I haven’t seen her since. if she were to initiate contact with me with hints of sechsytime, i would allow it, but i’m not gonna lower myself to reach out to her. balls in her court hehehe. though i hear she only dates black guys, hehehehe, and that aint me, babe, no no no.


june 18


here’s a great magic bullet which never occured to me:


I guarantee you, there is a public pool within 5 miles of where you live.

I can think of 2 or 3 pools WHICH I NEVER GO TO because I FORGET THEY’RE EVEN THERE.

also i am a bit averse to going alone by myself. but that is stupid. i used to go to movies by myself all the time until i figured out movies sucked. and the pool on a hot day is WAY better than a stupid MOVIE!

so you have to pay to get in. so what. then you only go once every two weeks or something.

if you ever go to the bar ever, then you have no excuse. you could be using that money to go to the pool, trying to buy sechs from wimmin, buying silver, buying bitcoin, buying guns (hehehe), buying a gym membership.

THE BAR is the biggest Money Sucker of ALL TIME.

even worse than Restaurant Food.

I am so happy I will never buy drinks at a bar ever again.

or, sneak your own booze into the bar like I used to!

also, think about getting big medical surgeries in MEXICO. or NICARAGUA. go to a good US-trained doctor of course in the big city. you will save 50% from the 4ssraeping medical costs in the US. which is inflated because of stupid health companies run by international globalist banksters. so make globalism work for you by getting your treatment in mexico.

note: I am generally VERY anti-globalization. VERY.

whenever i feel regrets for not trying to get the good career of doctor or nurse etc, i think of what a disgraceful, disgusting, degenerate scam the whole medical industry is. it’s seriously right up there with mortgages and student loans. i just haven’t thought about it because i’ve been BLESSED with good health so far. i have a feeling that is gonna start going downhill though, because i am getting older.

how about u?

heh. it is weird to think, i would never really have gotten all hyped up on girl8 if girl7 had just said yes and agreed to go out with me. hehehe. girl8 would have never become a thing, and i would have lived happily ever after with girl7. she was powerful enough to do that. that’s the diff between luv and like, son. hehehehe.

it’s also possible i have NEVER known true luv, and these 8 instances of “true luv” are really just “like.”

well they are something way above the average of just wanting to bang a grill.

june 19

oy vey. ball is in the court of employer, waiting for them to call me back. things are gonna change around here, unless they screw me and DONT give me job back. that would actually be a blessing in disguise, cuz then i would go to the temp agency and get a diff job.

waiting for bharmacy to call back, i am running out of paxil and do not want the Abrupt Discontinuation Symptoms, although not too worried about it. but if i do go to the doc, i have my list. my one sheeter. will request tricyclic or a superstrong antilaziness drug; a benzo; and buspar; and anything i f00king WANT. I’ll request 9000 drugs. oxycontin. ketamine. f00k. adderrall. medicinal marihuana.  anything and everything. that’s what the doctor is FOR. ask for generics. if the rx turns out to be too expensive, just don’t fill it. but you will have the rx if you really need it.

who, what, when, how, why, which, where. tell me about that. how about you.

sometimes you can fall in luv with a young girl just because she is real cute and in proximity. that’s what happened with me and girl6. she was of very poor character and it would have turned out horrible if we had ever Hooked Up, she prob would have dumped me after 4 sechsual events at most, and I would have been p1ssed like a b1tch. however that would have been ok because at least i would have gotten something out of her rather than nothing. but she was a real piece of work and it was a reflection of my own weakness that i even liked her.

contrast with girl7. it sucks that girl7 didn’t work out, but it made perfect sense that i was in luv with her. she was a great choice in other words: good head, cute, smart, moral, not crazy, not slutty, the only thing wrong with her was that she did not like me and or asexual lebbian.

girl8 i think IS pretty crazy but prob still better than girl6. smarter and less slutty at least. prob less crazy too.

girls girls girls. the cons have outweighed the pros. in my life at least. how about you?

my goal is to get physical action at my beck and call, so i can focus on more imporatnt things in life. finding true luv is not a super big goal but i am open to it. i wouldn’t mind it. i just don’t WANT to make it a big priority because i know how hard it is to find.

also sechs is a much better return on investment, percentagewise, than true luv.

isn’t that interesting?

besides i just went on okcupid yesterday and dear god what a trainwreck. if you don’t become a misogynist after looking at okcupid, you are an idiot. I really don’t think average wimmin are THAT bad, just that okcupid self-selects the worst possible loser defect degenerate wimmin. that’s why they are on a dating website despite being

The Natural Born Choosers in the Mating game.


march 17

gonna take a break from gambling and try to do something productive today. was thinking about muh job. i will be chiller when i go back, be much more confident and chill. but fact is, job still takes up too much time. i go in, come home, go right to bed, get up, go back to work, etc. no time to job search on internet, let alone gamble or blog or read!

then i thought, what if they want to SCREW me and NOT invite me back? I’m just assuming they will call me back and this is like Summer Vacation. but what if i never get the call.

I spent too much time on facebook looking at people i went to College with, that was dumb. See, this was an Elite College where the grads actually had Access to Elite Jobs and Elite Grad Skools, that are simply not available to grads of “Lesser” less elite colleges, who go on to work straight normalfag jobs. I would have been perfectly happy with that!

to put it in crudest terms, my entire “adult” life I have been Torn Between Two Worlds: Working Class and Middle Class.

At this point I much more Identify with Working Class than Middle Class. Middle Class are a bunch of posh f4gg0ts who get easy jobs and attractive wives and talk about how progressive they are.

Working Class have to WORK for a living and have to LOOK for jobs and often get laid off and many are forced to get Bullsh1t Masterz Degrees just to get gainful upper working class stable employment, and they have fat hambeast wives you’d never want to marry.

well, if they get the bs masters degree, that makes them more middle class, better job, so then they might have a more attractive wife. but she will prob be more annoying and more progressive. lexus liberals.

anyway. facebook Enables me to live in the Past too much, to look at the careers and lives of people I haven’t seen in years and who frankly have not given me any major Help.

As a grown man, I have to look at the reality and ask, Who has really HELPED ME?

Well, mainly my fam of course. And I am trying to pay them back. And the people who helped me get my new job.

Want to HELP me? “Just” get me an easy FT job, hehehe. got to be easy and stressless.

was thinking about moving to colorado and opening up a Weed Dispensary. watched this great show on cnbc, “marijuana in america: the colorado pot rush” or something. when I was a weed-smoking outlaw many years ago, I would have never imagined anything like this happening.

Heh. I wish you could invest in businesses for like 1 dollar and get a return if you pick right, like me putting a one dollar stake in a poker pro or a “horse”, hehehe.

today: i REALLY gotta call that job related person. just keep it simple. say I would like to take the test. that’s it. if they don’t know what I’m talking about, I start dropping names. when i go in there in person I start talking about applicant pools. I just hate the phone I think, even more than actual people.

had an interesting dream where I was courting a young woman with a meaty backside. she could not have been older than 23. then she came and sat on muh lap with her meaty haunches over muh D. It was very exciting. then I overheard her telling her friend how excited she was at the idea of having S with me. “i can’t wait for him to tear muh clothes off” etc. I would be very happy to do so, we were just in a public auditorium and needed to get somewhere private.

of course the dream ended before anything more happened. but those young dream buttocks were nice. trying to think if she represented anyone in real life. I don’t think so.

well, i called the person i wanted to call, and went straight to voice mail. g0d damn i said, should I leave a message. I left a message earlier and they did not call back. i worried this was because i was too spag pockets and talked like a nervous retard.  today i said, ok f00k this, if i can’t talk to them, i will email them. so i emailed them directly, got an autoresponse saying they were out of the office until tomorrow. oh well. hopefully they respond to my email or i will have to call them again.

that’s the thing, i could do 20 ridiculous calls a day, but MAKING the calls is darn near impossible. but I can DO the calls if FORCED to, ie, it’s my JOB to pick up the ringing phone, or else I get fired.

my dream job is simply not having to talk on phones, hahahaha. nothing positive like i want to save the world or be a business analyst or bla bla bla.

I looked at pictures of Girl 5 on facebook. Some of The Numbered Girls I WILL look at, others I staunchly refuse to. Girls 7, 2, and 3: never again. Girl 6 I will look at and curse for being a filthy wh0re who I’m too good for and who still owes me her 4ss. Girl 5: look at her and say yeah she was a good choice, I’d still date her even though she’s 30 and doesn’t look as good. Girl 4: would still date I guess, but now I mock her for her ridiculous interests and career. although it’s a pretty successful high-prestige career! Girl 1: not even sure if she should really count as a girl anymore, she’s married and I don’t care! Well girls 1 AND 2 are married.

So I think the reason I refuse to EVER look up Girls 2, 3, and 7 is because I was the “closest” to them? Because I actually pursued those through to the Living End and got Blatantly, Definitely, Unambiguously REJECTED by them, and I am still butthurt by that.

very interesting amirite?


sun feb 2 2014, 2:19pm

heh super bowl sunday. stayed up too late on sat, slept too late on sun,  go back to get killed tomorrow hehehe. back to work.

had to write moar about that dream that included girl7 with her magazine feature (think i am posting that in march 1 actually). there was actually a second dream in there. I was back in A College Town and going to College Parties. I was sitting next to a young QT who I realized was one of the Cute Gurls from Middle School, Grade 8, prob when I first started NOTICING Gurls and some of them starting growing bewbs. Anyway there was one gurl who was known as one of the Hotties that none of us Antisocial Hateful Loser Rebel Wastoid Nonathletes Nonpopulars could EVER have a chance with a gurl THAT cute.

And then the dream got me thinking of how My Infamous Girl6 (not Girl7, but Girl6, who was a sh1tty choice on my part) looked quite a bit like this girl, and I never noticed it until this dream. Not surprising since Middle School was 900000000 years ago and I wasn’t really in Luv Luv with that grade school girl.

But in the dream I was away from the main party and talking to this girl, who was like a 20 year old College Age version of the Grade School girl, and we were having a Serious Talk, ALMOST a Niceguy Crying on Muh Shoulder Talk, and I put my arm around her like a beta and she encouraged it, she liked it, she leaned into me, and I enjoyed holding her warm body, and it felt like a Real Emotional Connection. She wasn’t talking about her Boifrans or Why Alphas Kept Pumping and Dumping her, it was something completely unrelated to Men, and unlike being a Shoulder Crying Beta, I was more of a Big Strong Daddy Alpha who was genuinely Comforting her in her time of Worry. I was both glad to comfort her, and glad that we would probably have some Funtiem later.

Again, that was the implication of the dream, that I could be an Emotional Cuddling Comforter AND still be an Alpha that she was Hetero Attracted to. And that she was not a dirty high-number slut, and that we would have fun later. While She was leaning into me I was looking out of the corner of my eye at her very nice bewbs. In Grade Skool that was her claim to fame, she had the Nicest Bewbs in Grade School. Nice, eh? And now I was gonna get to play with them at age 20. Swweeeeeeeet.

Anyway she prob would have been a much better choice than Girl 6. Maybe I will revise my History and just MAKE her muh girl 6, hehehehe.

just waitin for muh coffee to cool down so i can drink it.

so then i switched to my reader and learned that the actor philip seymour hoffman has just died, that’s too bad, he was a good actor. 46 years old, sounds like heroin. he had a lot of good roles, and was real good in “The Master” in 2012 or 2011.

anyway. don’t usually get two weird gurl dreams in one night. this one came before the girl 7 dream and was more pleasant. but it did get unpleasant because the Happy Tiem happened right at the beginning, then she said she would meet up with me a few hours later at a later party, and I was wandering around trying to find it, and couldn’t find it, and couldn’t find her, and worried that she would be getting drunk and getting Gangbanged by more Alpha Men, or at the very least, She was now Mad at me and didn’t like me any more, hehehehe. Nice.

but yep you can only fall in luv with gurls that are closer to 20 rather than closer to 30.

of course that gurl from grade school is now my age, prob married with kidz. wonder what she got her degree in and what career she is doing. But Grade/Middle school was a mixed bag, these were a lot of Working Class Families where the kids did NOT all get Degrees and Degree Careers.  Well hope her Husband is successful at least and can support their kidz and that she did not throw herself away on a Badboy or Trash. She was relatively classy though, she prob DID get a Degree Career. I don’t really care.

see this NEEDINESS for a WOMAN is bad. why the constant neediness? just focus on something important, like CAREER. WOMEN AREN’T IMPORTANT. hehehe. They’re STUPID and TRIFLING and an Energy Sink and a Life Sink and a Net Loss. Don’t throw your life away on Women.

Although I forgot to point out in the other dream about Girl7, it said NOTHING about her Sex Life or Love Life, and you would expect a Modern Woman Magazine to say something about that, like Oh I’m having my cake and eating it too, having fun hanging out with 3 handsome men competing for my committment, but they’ve got to really Prove themselves first, and I’m too busy for a Husband, maybe in ten years once I’m 40 and my career is Plateauing rather than Skyrocketing.  Nope. No mention whatsoever. Which was interesting.

heh. I worry about Work during the week, and then on the weekend my Feeelings for Women come bubbling up, but I certainly don’t worry about it, it’s just weird and slightly uncomfortable to have these dreams. Not NEARLY as uncomfortable as WORK though, hell I’d rather have these dreams 40 hours a week!!!!!! again, better to be mad or bitter or butthurt than to be constantly worried and stressed! All Day Every Day!