january. now, not much happens during the winter, excitement only happens during the summer, and i was dirnking alot these years, so i might get the summers mixed up.
continued drinking at home and occasionally, about once a month, visiting college friends. really needed a job but my motivation and chutzpah was an at all time low. had just given up and just wanted to drink as much as possible.
didn’t really smoke a lot of weed during this time.
either this year or last year my fam was worried about me, and well they should be, and i went back to the docker and got back on the paxil. every couple of months i would get the paxil stepped up until i was eventually taking the max dose of like 50 or 60 mg a day because i was a huge loser and super “depressed” and needed something strong as hell.
of course the drinking probablyt got in the way of it!
it was DEFINITELY age 25 that i began seeing my shrink. it was the first time i ever saw a shrink. ok, she is really a “counselor” with a MSW degree. i should have been seeing somebody like this since i was 18, if not 16! NOT 25!!!!!!!
so, i definitely met girl6 at age 24, and probably it was summer24 when i met girl5 in her homecity and had a very memorable, bittersweet final meeting with her.
age 25 was probably the start of my Sloppy Embarrassing Home Parties. when that really started to become a problem.
I had reconnected with my old good friend from high school, and he was kind of a drinker, and with him, i stepped up my own dirnking. he got his own place so i would start going there to dirnk and crash for the night. drinking and crashing. a new place to drink and crash.
in the fall of age 25 i FINALLY got a job, the job which i stayed at for 5 years. it was easy and fun and stressless and good times, but also a little boy part time loser job. but after almost a year and a HALF of total joblessness, it was a job, and i wasn’t gonna flip out and quit it.
anyway i started the shrink before that, like in the spring25. drank like crazy summer25 and pined over girl6 who was getting weirder and weirder.
i’m sure i pined over girl5 a little too!
definitely by summer25 i had started a very notable blog. because i remember posting a drunken post from my friends house, and also girl6 was reading the blog.
i want to say summer25 we had a nice summer getaway to this guy’s cabin/cottage. i drank a sh1tload of beer, fell off a boat and got that scar on my chin from doing so. tried to seduce girl6 who was there, but it wasn’t happenin.
ok i had definitely started the paxil, because the paxil magically made me able to drink OBSCENE amounts of alcohol without dying. and then i would make a HUGE 4ss of myself because I just drank an entire fifth of whiskey by myself in one sitting, or just drank 20 beers. with the paxil i could drink RIDICULOUS amounts of alcohol,and in turn did RIDICULOUS things.
so i started the paxil either in early25 or late24.
started the shrink in spring25. that prob helped me get the job in fall25.
and it was at that job in fall25 that i met the auspicious Girl7.
i thought she was a little weird at first, but i quickly saw she was much better than girl6, who was promiscuous and crazy. girl7 was nonsexual and on the level. no drinking, no partying, no sechs, just college. a real asexual nerd gurl.
i thought it was interesting that she was conservative, i never had met a conservative gurl before. i think at the time i still thought of myself as a leftist.
hehe i remember i was reading feminist stuff at the time, thought i was a feminist, and was trying to convince gurl6 to become a feminist, that feminsm was good for women, and didn’t she see the patriarchy all around her oppressing her? haahahahaha.
i had wanted to take some classes for a while, but my stupid f00ked up logic was, i wanted to find a job first, so i could have an income stream. yet in the interim spent hundreds if not thousands of my savings on BOOZE.
well, now i had a job, and thus could start taking classes.
january. by age 26 i was done liking girl6, that crazy b1tch, and was in luv with girl7, that pure chaste nice gurl, taking a few months to get to know her of course. during the winter26 skool term hehehe. by summer 26 i was in luv and wanted to hang out with her and make a move. i was 26 and she was 21.
in summer26 i was drinking with my heavy drinking friend, on a huge paxil fueled drinking spree, when i finally got my dui. i was ridic drunk, well over .2, and this was a humiliating event which caused me to stop drinking entirely, and i have not drank at ALL since.
since i started the job in fall25 that stopped me from going to the college town because i always worked on weekends,when i would usually go.
now summer26 i had a dui, the cop made some really insulting remarks to me before letting me out about being a huge loser who was going nowhere in life, what the hell are you doing with your life, 26 years old and you’re working here, that’s not a serious job, what you got a college degree, what the hell are you DOING with your life; and the whole experience was humiliating.
i persuaded the doc to give me some buspar for muh anxiety. and i was taking max paxil, like 50 mg a day.
saw the shrink more regularly during the stressful time of muh probation and all that.
i remember cuz i started my first class in summer26, an accounting class, because i wanted to take a bunch of Useful Classes. a few weeks after that class started, got dui.
hehehe. that hampered my plans to get things started with girl7. i was essentially on house arrest from july to september and could not go anywhere except work, shrink, school, church.
but that is the price you pay! at least i didn’t kill anyone!
whole thing cost me like at least 6 grand, which destroyed my savings and then some.
heh. real low point of my life there, but at least it couldn’t get any lower. and it didn’t! i got an a in the accounting class, and then in the winter took accounting 2 and econ 1. i think. got a’s in those.
and i kept my job, they never found out, so that was good.
also i did hang out for the first real time with girl7 in the early fall i wanna say. uhhh no. that was actually at the very end of age26 year, or very beginning of age27year. dec or january.
next: age 27