oh yeah happy new year. well hopefully by this time i have a new shitty job hahahaha. maybe a young qt fok buddie gurl i can have no strings attached secs with and tell her baby i have no respect for you and how you have no respect for your uterus like dat. ackshully i dont care because i aint in luv with you, you do whatever u want lol. bang bang bagn bnag hahaha lol

but its stupid that SHE has much moar success with Relationships because she is a WOMAN. and that she can be so awful to me, yet work out so well with other guys that they can be in a Closed Rel for 4+ years.  bbbbbbut shes too immature to make a relationship work!

yeah with ME. but not with other guys. because she LUVS them, she doesnt LUV me.

the trick is i thought she might eventually WANT to talk because of our long standing friendship. and that like me she would want to “pay her respects” to THAT.

nope i guess not hahahaha well kerflushhhhh goes those 3 years hahahaha. just flush people away like pieces of shit. shat out, flushed away, and forgotten forever!

did a second 2.8 miler, plannign on doing another after dinner.

yeah thats what i have the biggest problem with. you dont have to like me back but its mind boggling that you would do this when we had such a long friendship. isnt THAT worth TALKING about at least?

plus any normal person would agree that such an intense Silent Treatment is Not Healthy, EVEN IF we didnt have a Love Relationship and she didnt WANT to talk.

doesnt matter. communication is necessary for ALL types of relationships. when one person really wants to communicate, SUCK IT UP and communicate with them because its the RIGHT thing to do, not fooking ignore them forever. when you have been friends for 2+ years. i am not some guy you met and let invade your babbymaker once and then threw away off TINDER hahahahaha.

disgusting whores lol.

woman haters like me make the false assumption that secs is more important to women, just because women can get pregnant. so if you find a gurl that Gives It Up…… you can probably get her to give it up to you AGAIN.

NOPE. she gives it up to you ONCE because she was drunk and didnt realize what a creepy weird loser you were. but by the second or third date she can. mayeb you had secs 1 or 2 more times. and then she is done with you, and you are not entitled to any communication!

these hateful male woman haters think they are ENTITLED to everything: sex, womens BODIES, communication, talking, etc.

but yeah that was my beef. i thought our History was More Important than how she just dumped and forgot it. i knew her longer than Any Other Woman I had ever gotten feelings for.

if i had gotten feelings for her right away, well i would have pushed THEN and some sort of shitstorm would have happened THEN.

yeah gotta Jog 8.4 miles a day just to Get Thru This apparently.

well its sort of working. i can listen to music and podcasts and i am not begging for mercy as desperately.

jogging 8.4 miles a day is a GOOD thing for the health though! too bad i have to Jog 50 Miles A Week in order to lose Half A Pound Per Week!

super slow metabolism hahahaha.

ok did the third 2.8 miler. oh well. got angering jealous thoughts of the woman sucking and fooking a bunch of other guys. that got me pretty angry. then sad that everything failed. then angry that those guys dont have to know her for 3 years hahahaha but more like 3 days hahaha. fookin whores.

i thought well should i pretend to play it cool, try to get back in touch with her in a few months, pretend like i just want to be Chill Friends again, then play that angle for a while, then try to suck her in?

that that gambit would be worth it if it worked?

of course i wouldnt WANT to be ONLY Chill Friends cuz i would still WANT her, such that i dont even think i would be CAPABLE of FAKING it.

so my gut instinct is not to do it, of COURSE dont do it.

i cant do that. does that make me weird? there are a lot of things that make me weird, but i dont know if thats one of them!

i simply wouldnt be able to pull it off. and it would be even more living a lie than not telling her my feelings when i did!

wouldnt mind having a female fook buddie however. like maybe that one young cute gurl at the old workplace who my female former friend hated for being a bitch. well it turned out fff was an ever bigger bitch!

wouldnt mind having a FT job that didnt kill me.

ok had a good 8.4 miles today, not bad.

i wouldnt mind going to the strip club if the strip club didnt look or feel like a strip club. this was my great business idea, open a strip club where cute gurls give “the gurlfran experience” in 30 minute sessions to lonely virgins who dont like strip clubz.

each 2.8 miler burns about 280 calories according to one calculator.

so walkjogging 1 mile burns 100 calories.

1 pound is 3500 calories.

therefore you need to walkjog 35 miles a week to lose 1 pound a week hahahahaha.

so if you see anyone who isnt overweight, know that they walkjog 35 miles a week every week. how do they do it hahaha.

so yeah i DID change, so it WAS my fault, i AM the bad guy. she was so cold to me because she sensed i had changed. but i HAD changed, and i WAS sending those signals, because i WANTED her to know.

well obviously i dont feel REMORSEFUL for getting feelings because i am Emotionally Mature enough to UNDERSTAND that you cant choose when or for who you get feelings, you just DO, often for the WORST people at the WORST times.

96 sunday

went to church, begged for mercy, was not really moved or Touched although maybe I didnt have my Heart Open to GOD in the right way. I tried. Or DID it? was I REALLY trying? probably not. I was just focused on the 18 year old gurl in front of me. I reflected on my Desire to Cuddle with Cute Young Girls.

In this case, I simply wanted to Cuddle with the Girl much more than anything else.

and of course female former friend. i wanted to cuddle with her like crazy.

really it is more about Loving, than To Be Loved.

like that St Francis Prayer, Lord I pray that I may Love, rather than be loved, understand rather be understood, console rather than be consoled.

the woman had no SENSE OF PROPORTION!

Or did she? I felt I had a sense of proportion because i reacted kinda intensely, but that reflected the Intense Emotions Inside.

So she treated me super harsh and wrong in proportion to MY emotions? is that the way it works?

but her emotions were like whatever.

but she treated me like i Abused her or cheated on her! like i did something really, really bad and hurtful to her!

i dunno. once again we can just use occamz and say she just didnt know what to do, so she did nothing. maybe she even feels bad about it but still its easier just to not do or say anything.

anyway she acted out of proportion to how much she had been hurt, or was feeling Emotional Hurt. I was hurting 90000000000000000000000000000 times more than she was, thats why i freaked the fook out and rekt muh own life. yet i was still asking to talk to her. well, desperately begging on my knees to please respond.

have u ever been in that situation?

the normalfag would say, quite Rightly, once you’re BEGGING somebody to RESPOND to you, that means things are SO one sided, they are no longer worth your time and effort. its over, and you should be glad for it, since nothing good can come of it.

also i think well if she can do this, do a 180, then whos to say that one day i will be happily married with kidz and everything seems hunky dory then one day i wake up and she is gone and taken the kidz and i never heard from her again.

well, this wasnt really a 180. it was way less than a 180. maybe even less than a 90. this could have been a damn 45 or less!!!!!!!!!

meaning, she WAS giving signs, warning signs, red flags.

meaning, she was being generally cold to me for MONTHS. THAT was my warning sign. that was her ramping down from 180. that was her taking her investments out, moving out gradually.

i thought it could still be saved. i thought she might have had SOME INTEREST in saving it. at that point it was honestly hard to tell.

a person can be cold and distant, yet still have some interest in Saving The Rel, right?

yeah i guess….but PROBABLY NOT.


so when anyone gets distant, that means, they want out of the Rel? probably, assuming they are staying consistently distant for a long period of time, which she kind of was.

well, she was also sprinkling mixed signals in there, WHICH confused me and made me think she WAS interested in One Day Communicating About Our Relationship Issues.

So yeah i BLAME HER for THAT hahahaha.

but women send MIXED SIGNALS all the time because they are confused or scared or just dont know what else to do. but you can get legit confused by that. i did.

they never think long term hahaha. its just what can i do to get out of this conversation right now hahaha.

women dont NEED to be Emotionally Mature to have long term relationships, husbands, families, children, because………. yes you know it…………because they are the choosers. they can choose whatever secsy man they want. does not mean they will choose a man who is a Good For A Longterm Rel, or that the Women Themselves are or will EVER BE Emotionally Mature enough.

not that the women NEED to be emotionally mature at all to be in a rel, if the MAN is willing to do all the work. and certainly many men ARE, and DO.

fook women hahahaha. women suck dick. figurative AND literally hahahaha.

stop sucking dicks, ya dirty whores hahaha.


#NotALLWomen hahahahahahahahaha


how could she do this to me?

either because she had no respect for me, or she didnt know how to deal with it, but probably some combination of both, and since i can never know, lets just say 50 50 on each.

but yeah being DUMPED like this leaves a lot of UNANSWERED QUESTIONS, or at least it feels like it does.

regardless off whether i shot jizz all over her face and up into every orifice and took 900000 pcitures of it all and made pornography of her, it was still A Significant Relationship in my life. Full Stop.

it is amazing that she either does not feel that way, or that she does not have opinions or something to say about the End of it, and that she utterly refuses to communicate them with me.

it doesnt matter if we didnt date, it was still an important relationship than Suddenly Ended. And it ended so suddenly because of her. I BEGGED her to End It Better. but noooooooooooooooooo.

when you have a significant important relationship and it suddenly ends, or ends at all, that ending has repercussions in your life!

it had devastating repercussions for me! what about for her?

i will never know. she will just complain to all her new friends and secs partners what a creepy weird guy i was, how i betrayed her, how she regrets ever meeting such a piece of shit, i am the worst person ever, now fook me please. slurrrrrrrrrrp adn take plenty of pictures of you fooking me and me sooking your coock hahahaha.

but thats her right! theres nothign wrong with that!

but yeah it was one of the most important Actual Relationships I Ever Had with a Woman. so yeah i am hurt now that its over.

It was a halfway decent relationship, that ended in the WORST POSSIBLE WAY.

when you have a decent relationship, you dont expect it to end in such a bad way. i mean there’s always the possibility that relationships END, but they dont have to end so BADLY.

i can barely take rels ending WELL, so when they end BADLY, its REALLY bad for me.

heck with me, when its GOOD its still bad.

SO, devastation. complete and utter.

also, i had a better relationship with her, than the gurls i actually “dated”. so in other words, by my standards, it was kinda like i dated her, or at least the PAIN would be more intense than with the girls i dated. and the pain was pretty damn intense there!

but here it is crippling, blinding, devastating.

completely disorienting, confusing, harrowing, turns the world upside down.

it shouldnt be happening but it is.  like reality slipping away from under your feet. nothing is real. only death is real hahahahaha and loss.

and this is kind of like a death. she has chosen to be dead to me, and for me to be dead to her, but we both well know that we are both alive.

this slut alex wilson on the weather channel. wonder how many cox she’s taken. at least 50 im sure. i would like to bang her. very attractive body. but women should not dress like that when they go to WORK, or on TV, and expect to be respected. they wear these Tight Dresses which show EVERY curve of their body. they think it looks Professional but it is fooking INDECENT. and yet i am the hateful and the weird one for saying that.

wawawawawaawaw i thought she was DIFFERENT than other women, but in the end she treated me in the horrible way that i associate with women, they reject you because you are not masculine enough, not sexy enough, too boring. well thats on YOU for being boring! well your male friends dont think youre boring.

ok finished second 2.8 mile walkjog, got my 5.6 miles for the day. probably better to do a full 6 miles eh, but 5.6 aint bad.

i try not to watch pornography because it is DEGENERATE. i try to avoid the damn degenerate. i should back that up by watching less TV.

also Mainstream Journalism and Media and News and Editorials promote Degeneracy.

took some nyquil at about 6 pm. it immediately hit and i was somewhat napping by like 730. going to go to bed now. might be viable alternative to benadryl every 3 days.


i have determined that you should give yourself SIXTEEN HOURS whenever you take something “Drowsy” like benadryl or nyquil.  for working stiffs, that means take it near the end of your shift, before you even leave work, and then hopefully it will have worn off by the time you arrive in for the beginning of your shift tomorrow.

for lazy lovelorn losers like us, it means we can turn down our worried minds for sixteen sweet hours!

so, a good relationship, that ended in a very bad way. that does not take away the goodness of the relationship, so those first two years werent down the drain. but its unfortunate, because that bad ending is gonna Taint (hahahahaha) everything. i guess it doesnt need to. but she didnt need to end it that way either!

it doesnt matter that she was pulling away from me and i was hanging by a thread for many months. that doesnt give her the right to treat me like that. just because she wanted out doesnt give her the right to treat me like that. she could have ended it better. i was treated unfairly wawawawawawawa hahahahaha.

she just didnt seem like the type of person who would End A Relationship in this way. otherwise i would have told her, when you inevitably lose interest in me and get bored with me and want to End The Relationship, do it With Some Communcation, and NOT with No Communication, hahahahahaha.

well to be fair, not that i need to be, she didnt “get bored with me” as much as she was Correctly Interpreting the Signals I was Sending, and the idea that I Liked Her turned her WAY Off.

because being liked by me is so offensive and horrifying hahahaha

no that is not the correct conclusion to draw. plenty of people including her had no problem being friends with me.

if you can make friends you can make rels too. even though there are important differences, such as Power And Control and using their Bodies as Pornography, hahahahahaha, there are important similarities, such as communication and mutual appreciation, mutual respect. ideally. but not always in real life. plenty of rels there is no mutual respect. how do those rels last for years but i cant get a rel to last more than 2 months?

well i can make a rel last 2 years or more when i dont get feels hahahaha.

but yeah she had communicated with me before on other big things, so i was shocked when she got so cold on me and refused to communicate with me at all about something that was big for both of us.

i will never trust a woman again hahahaha.

you wouldnt trust a dog not to eat a steak, why would you trust a WOMAN not to Destroy A Relationship?

Women Are Natural Born Relationship Destroyers!

it doesnt mean they are pieces of shit or will destroy everything. just the relationships you have with them hahahaha.

no thats a pretty big thing. its one thing for you not to leave a steak sitting in front of your dog. how can you NOT leave Your Mutual Relationship sitting out in front of the Woman you’re Sharing It With?

It’s hers too! Hers to destroy!

it makes a lot more sense for a dumb DOG to eat a juicy STEAK without his master actively telling him not to. it makes NO SENSE for a human being to ……

i mean the only conclusions are that Women are Evil, or Women are Not Human!

i dont like these conclusions!

no, its not ALL WOMEN, just one woman!

but that was so out of character for her!

but was it? yeah she would have Tried Moar if she had feelings for me, then she would have been contacting ME saying Please Respond, Please Communicate.

I don’t KNOW how she acted in previous situations where her Platonic Male Friends fell in luv with her. It’s possible this was the first time this happened to her and she totally froze up. I mean she WAS way less “experienced” than the average woman, who has Platonic Male Friends falling in luv with her every day, cuz she’s so GREAT.

well i liked this gurl because she didnt really seem to have many friends at ALL, no cadre of beta orbiters, not super social, did not want to go to bars or clubs or parties. which is a great quality in a woman hahahahaha because the more of those they go to, the more men they fook, the more pathetic beta orbiters they have, the more SOCIAL DRAMA they have.

she had her family and a very small number of friends and i LIKED that, a woman without 100000000 friends. a woman with less friends will have taken less cox and will take her relationships more seriously. maybe. until she throws them away like they were nothing hahahaa.

i mean these Social Women make friends and lose friends every damn week, every damn day. people revolve out, new people revolve in. makes you question the womans loyalty to those old friends. women who have literally new 1000 fb friends are like this. shit i see no reason to have more than 200 or 300 friends. HOW CAN YOU?

but yeah when “friends” are so seasonal and ephemeral, here one minute gone the next, it makes sense how they can be so interested in you for a few weeks or a few months, then its faded, then they’re onto the next shiny thing. it does not make you feel too good about your self though! to be so QUICKLY and COMPLETELY FORGOTTEN.

did a nice 2.8 miler in the warm weather, got some sun.