sat dec 2

apr 20

the fuhrers bday hahaha. maybe this blog will be shut down by dec 2 because of all the racist stuff ive been doing hehe.

anglin case on anglins local news in ohio. roosh v writing article on anglin case and pretty much naming the J and taking anglins side. i get a popup on return of kings that says “DEUS VULT!!!” i guess roosh is now pro-hwyte alt right hahahaha.

ok kalki was the 12th avatar of vishnu or some shit or was it krishna? and so savitri devi said AH was like kalki. the DESTROYER OF FILTH. I can really identify with that. i see DESTROYING FILTH as my mission too.

420 day. happy bday fuhrer hahaha. but i just thought. its kinda weird jooish marxist countries like UK and germany and sweden havent legalized MJ yet. i mean its more legal in the US than it is in the UK.

the only job openings are for jobs SO SHITTY, like being a PATSY SCAPEGOAT FALL GUY BAGHOLDER to sit there and take abuse from angry customers your company has screwed, jobs that are like oh god theres no way i can survive even one day of this. then you stick it out in a job like that for 2 or 3 years and maybe you can move on to something better if you are a top 20% performer and not some average asshole.

its called PAYING YOUR DUES hahahaha.

and its harder than the military and jail combined. i honestly dont know why more people dont k themselves to get out of it. or join the military or intentionally go crime to get sent to jail.

i dont want to go to jail because its for scumbag negros and i dont want to get raeped in the ass.

but to sit there and take abuse all day and pathetically try to do something you dont know how to do, thats kinda like being raeped in the ass hahahaha. no not quite but it does put you on EDGE ALL DAY LONG. then when you go home youre on edge too, becasuse youre WORRIED about being on edge all day TOMORROW.

oh youre just figuring this out at age 30 hahahaha

no i was always sort of aware and afraid of it hahaha but didnt actually live it until somewhat recently. now im even MORE afraid of it!

how do peopel survive?

they become raging alcoholics and pill poppers!

then how do they keep their jobs? those bad habits will give you a hangover and affect your work performance so that youre not even AVERAGE anymore, but BELOW average!

some guy was on return of kings commenting he didnt agree with daily stormers anti  race mixing views, because he totally enjoyed banging his young indian GF who was “TWO STANDARD DEVIATIONS ABOVE AVERAGE”, when he had NEVER pulled a hwyte gurl that hot. This white guy could pull indian gurls that were HOTTER than the hwyte gurls he could pull. and Raceless Hotness was the ONLY thing he cared about.

i thought it was a little autistic. and showed that HE had no connection to his own race. and i say this as someone who also appreciates that young indian gurls can be quite good looking!

and if i could pull a good looking one, i would DEFINITELY bang.

but i would HOPE i wouldnt throw my own RACE under the bus like that guy did.

i mean im not surprised to see this Hedonistic, Pornified approach at RETURN OF KINGS!!!! I should be happy they are even turning towards a better path, being less degen. and i suppose i am. i mean these degens get a lot RIGHT about the nature of women, and how to pull women. they just have their long term goals fooked up.

Normie Jobs are so INCREDIBLY STRESSFUL, thats why SO MANY people are on benzos. xanax and valium. i never took a benzo till i got a horrendously stressful, ie normal, job. and then i was like doc you gotta give me somethign for this.

too bad i cant get MJ the same way hahaha.

i mean i would have to lie and say i had back pain. i dont really want to LIE to doctors. unless I KNEW the doctor was gonna write me a MJ rec without needing to see any medical records.

i also wouldnt LIE to a doctor to try to get opiates. Not really interested in opioids hahahaha. i mean if i could get a huge supply for cheap, yeah sure. but those things are expensive af. a pill of oxycontin you pay 1 dollar for at the pharmacy costs like 40 dollars on the street. fact. so its no suprise people can spend 1000 dollars a day on opioids. the mystery is where they get the money. they switch to HERON because HERON is CHEAPER than Oxycontin!!!!

poor georgie boy. i hope he comes back in 6 months and has good news. i think he really was/is a good guy. i dont want to watch any other forever alone, “TFL” types.  i mean its a very black pill world to explore. i dont really WANT to explore it. im not even sure how i started liking george. but it just happened. i will miss him and I hope the best for him. i wouldnt mind meeting him some day.

there is a whole internet full of foreveralones, see r/foreveralone, /r9k/, bunch of youtubers in that vein, and i just dont want to go down that road and read that stuff, i cant even read MGTOW stuff. reading hwyte power stuff is about 14333333333333333 times more positive and white pillng hehehe.

that deserves repeating hehehe. yeah i have whatever those losers have, laziness and patheticness and “untreated despair”, but being around people like that whining about it is JUST AWFUL. read hwyte power stuff instead, you will feel better about yourself. honestly better.

so what is this blog? im not sure but I do NOT consider myself part of the “FA Community.” I dont read any of that shit and I recommend that YOU do NOT read that shit. George is literally the ONLY “FA” person I liked. and i suspect he was sympathetic to WP hahaha. i mean it will CURE you FA, because you realize you’re never really ALONE, you are part of a beautiful RACE.

seeing if there are any “resources” on “depression” at DS BBS:

https://bbs.dailystormer.com/t/black-pilled-af/95777

https://bbs.dailystormer.com/t/tfw-tism/99559

ok hahaha

https://bbs.dailystormer.com/t/how-do-i-stop-being-a-wagecuck-and-become-a-neet/96884

QUOTE ” Start looking into collecting SSI. Get some shrink to say you have crippling depression or autism or whatever and can’t hold down a job. Get a lady doctor if you can, trust me, they’re suckers for a sob story. ”

sheeeeeeeeeeeit every so often i get this fear that because i have SUCH a hard time with the Normie Adult World Of Work, that PROVES I am DISABLED and should get DISABILITY NEETBUX because I LITERALLY CANT HOLD DOWN A NORMIE JOB. and THAT feels REAL bad man.

“loneliness is failed solitude” ooooo good one hehehehe. i mean im thankful to appreciate and enjoy being alone, i dont really feel that LONELY, until I happen to interact with other people, and them im like, dam i am awkward af, i dont know how to interact with people, its much less stressful being alone and not being reminded of muh social awkwardness, no wonder i dont have any friends and am terrible with women, hahahaha.

anyway the people on a hwyte power forum will have a MUCH better discussion about despair and trying to beat it, than the same OP on a FA type forum.

i mean this is THE BLACK PILL. no joke. all that FA stuff is SO black pill that they stop realizing how black pill it is. that is a HORRIBLE, tragic way to live life. I wouldnt say its inherently jood like porn……rather its an inherently hwyte reaction to a jood world. you become SPIRITUALLY SICK. like GLR’s SPIRITUAL SYPHILIS.

i mean theres several kinds of that too. where you GIVE IN to the degeneracy, and then where you just want to cry butthurt tears about the degeneracy, you know its bad, you know better than to actively pursue it, you KNOW its bad, thank GOD, but you feel absolutely powerless to fight it, to DO anything about it, and feel like a weak loser who has wasted your whole life, and youll never be tough or strong or courageous enough to make the changes in your like you NEED to make in order for anything to get better. for you to become a normie adult making 28k a year, working FT, being mentally TOUGH enough to Hold Down A Job, finding a decent woman, having children, being a good father.

mark steyn on tucker carlson right now. tucker is becoming a meme on DS so i might as well check him out. he is pretty good. and mark steyn is a great speaker, i have enjoyed listening to him speak for years, even if he is a BASIC BITCH joo lover neocohen hahahahahaha. but he still is a great speaker and we would all do well to listen to him and try to speak like that. be a good ORATOR.

AH was obviously a great orator but I dont speak german at all. so whos a good english language orator. GLR was pretty good. the national action in darlington guy was great. mark steyn is good even though he is not the least bit alt right.

spencer? he could be better. his voice is still kinda gay. but i think he can get better.

myself, i am horrible at speaking. publicly OR privately.

https://bbs.dailystormer.com/t/fake-news-journalist-luke-obrien-trying-to-frame-political-activist-andrew-anglin-as-russian-agent/100472

anglin confesses every piece of dirt his enemies could possibly dig up on him. i have a mancrush on him and think he is an interesting guy and would like to read an autobiography by him. or listen to him tell his life story in 4 hours of podcast hahaha.

i will prob get this thing shut down by wordpress just for LINKING to daily stormer. it is easily one of the most badgoy sites on the entire internet. its really a miracle its managed to stay up for so long.

apr 21

http://www.nytimes.com/projects/census/2010/explorer.html

use this to help you find a place to live that is over 90% hwyte. i was surprised my area is lower 80s. and it still seems pretty good. my concerned is that arabs and albanians will be counted as hwyte.

yeah, pretty sure ARABS are counted as HWYTE. so be careful with this map.

im sure jooz are counted as hwyte but it might be good to live around middle class jooz because they will preach diversity but want to live in 90%+ hwyte areas where it is safe from nonwhyte crime and violence.

i should probably go to Hippie Drug Gathering where all the gurls do drugs and offer themselves up freely, like antifa gurl. of course you have to take huge precautions, but at least you would be banging young girls who are hopefully 7/10 at least. and really solidify your view that damn, all women really are disgusting whores who need to be physically restrained by BRUTE STENGTH, BEFORE they INEVITABLY BECOME disgusting whores who go to hippie gatherings and bang strangers.

meet up with the old friend today. expectations are managed beforehand. ideally he wouldnt drink at all. i prob wouldnt be too pissed if he drinks MODERATELY. i WILL be pissed if he gets SLOPPY drunk, and prob even MORE pissed if he wants me to blow in his damn car breathalyzer. uhhh that thing is in your car for a REASON. Yes I KNOW LE is just a bunch of jooish zog who Generate Revenue by arresting tons of people at .10 BAC. but in your case, you had way more than .10 BAC and have a legit drinkign problem. people like you are the reason they invented car breathalyzers. how the hell do you get to WORK then. you see me once in 6 months and cant even not drink before going out to a restaurant?

well MAYBE he will be on good behavior tonight. i hope he is. shit i’ll go to the jooish hooters breastaurant if he just doesnt drink for one god damn night.

i mean this is what a real drinking problem looks like. that asking a person not to get SLOPPY, RAGING, BLACKOUT drunk on ONE night out of 6 MONTHS is a hard bargain.

shit you can start drinking when I LEAVE at 11pm at the latest.

oh your wife is out of town for the weekend, shit thats gonna be the perfect excuse for him to get raging drunk all weekend too. so he doesnt have his Controlling Wife complaining about him drinking. Are You Drinking? Have You Been Drinking? When you went to the restaurant, did you drink? when you went outside, did you drink? when you went downstairs, did you drink?

and then him being obviously too drunk to speak and staggering back and forth, oh no i havent had anything to drink at all.

probably i havent been clear enough from the start that I dont want to see you drinking at all while I am here tonight. just do me that favor because i have known you like 19 years. you can drink yourself stupid when i leave.

and yeah seeing a person like that with a serious drinking prob makes me never want to drink again. because i wasnt quite that bad, but i could have totally gotten that way if i had kept drinkign for years.

i mean hes right in the middle of it, of course hes not gonna have a good perspective on it! of course hes not thinking clearly!

well they say you gotta try ang fail 9 times if you really want to quit a bad habit like drinking. or being a lazy loser neet virgin foreveralone apparently hahahaha.

anglin admitted to doing drugs as a degen youth. how much drugs did he do? well i know he was charged with MJ possession. pretty minor. Kinda wish he’d write a book about his life up to age 25 or so. living in a jungle commune in the phillippines? INTERESTING!

living in CHINA? INTERESTING! sounded like he was able to bang hwyte gurls as well as azn gurls while he was there. so was he teaching english? doing a church missionary thing? he’s not really religious atm but i thought his family was.

i KNOW he’s not my buddy pal frand, but I would be very open to that if I knew him IRL hahahaha. NO I am not gonna STALK him!!!!! i only semi stalk people on the INTERNET ONLY and only when it is a woman i fancy and thats a sure sign I should be talking to her IRL instead of daydreaming about her.

and then WANTING to internet stalk them after they dump me, and feeling terrible, but courageously managing to fight that temptation.

so yeah im really not a yuge stalker of anybody hahahaha. i am pretty good at finding people on the internet though.

but not NEAR as good as 4chan, they can dox antifa who are wearing MASKS. like the shit eating pervert who punched spencer, and the white antiwhite Ethics Professor who hit people with bike locks in berkeley. and the antifa gurl moldylocks was totally doxed within hours, but she wasnt wearing a mask. but how did 4chan do it???? especially the people with MASKS? they do it based on their EYES which I dont know how that is bulletproof evidence. not that I am DEFENDING these awful ANTIFA!!!!! im just saying, is it enough to get that shitty adjunct instructor fired?

ok. 1% vs 4% milkfat cottage cheese. which one tastes better, lets find out hahaha.

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Edgar_Steele

dont forget about this guy. pro-hwyte attorney, something we need a lot more of. i know OF one out in the real world at the moment, fully doxed and all, and it’s honestly kind of suspicious how he HASNT been set up yet. how has he managed to fly under the radar???!!?!?!?!

http://www.germanvictimsDOTcom/wp-content/uploads/2014/09/Defensive-Racism-By-Edgar-J-Steele.pdf

check out his famous book defensive racism,  i should read this NOW

hmm went to jail for conspiring to k his wife, thats kinda sleazy. i mean im assuming shes a sleazebag too who wanted to divorce him and take 90% of his money, which I could understand might make a person entertain the hypothetical notion, but theres still no excuse to k your wife. unless she is coming at you with a gun trying to k you and you are doing self defense.

welp gonna meet this friend here in 88 minutes. little nervous about that. maybe I will take a valium hehe. seriously. so if I did that, would that give him license to drink?

actually i could probably tolerate NORMAL moderate drinking, like average normies do. go to the bar and have 3 or 4 drinks. but he doesnt do that. he gets SO drunk that he cant even have a conversation, just mumbling incoherently, and then passes out raging drunk. you were this bad 15 minutes ago, you clearly snuck off and chugged some straight vodka or something. thats the thing I really dont like. that and making me blow into the car. at that point im like this is ridiculous, i’ll just drive.

he doesnt have any of the guilt or shame i had, where i was like i dont WANT my friends to SEE me like this! how shameful!!!

apparently now DS forum is closed to new people. you can read it but cant register. not sure how new people sign up. havent heard anything about invites or vetting.

ok leaving in 12 minutes. i will take a valium before leaving. i have historically been bad about standing up for muh self, like, do me a favor and just dont drink. dont make me blow into the car. dont get so drunk you are mumbling incoherently. i only ask those three things. but that is my line and i will not be happy if you cross that line. boundaries. hehehe. and when you cross that line, i get unhappy, and that is why i am not springing to hang out with you all the time. because i am disgusted by your extreme drinking problem.

USE YOUR WORDS hahahahaha.

however it is true i am a prickly pear and i am TERRIBLE about maintaining contact with people. that is a FACT.

but when people contact me, i usually respond to them and hang out with them even.

would i let him drink if he had an MJ card and agreed to use it to buy me MJ? PROBABLY YES hahahahaha. i really dont think he does, in fact that whole hypothetical is ridiculous.

 

 

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14BB 14ee 1433 1387 1489 1589

mar 29

ok survived the day hahaha now i am reaching my crash time of 330 pm hehehe when REALLY  should be working till 5 pm if i start at 8 am. anything less is PATHETIC.

heh well you know whats MORE pathetic, is being a jobless NEET hahaha.

whats REALLY sad is 50 year old hwyte men who are jobless neets and so they sit in the library for 8 hours a day Applying For Jobs. honestly guys. it only takes 550 applications and 320 hours to Get A Job. in other words, you should stop seeing these men after 2 months because then they will have found a job. but they DONT. this is, i fear, because the jobs just arent there, also, 50 year old hwyte men are being DISCRIMINATED against hahaha

i was trying to find some leftist thing i saw today on the shitty leftist site medium.com written by a white marxist on why no, the white working class isn’t really dying off, and if it WERE, that wouldnt be so bad, would it? but i couldnt find it, and found a bunch of other shitty leftist articles instead and “threw up a little in my mouth”.

there is this popular leftist hipster brooklyn podcast called “chapo trap house” which i guess is what all the super cool leftist kids listen to now . i guess you could listen to it if you want to Know Your Enemy. well, you don’t. you already know they are pvssy wimpy unmasculine joos. wimpy white writers who say UGH. WHITE PEOPLE. and then cant bang slutty brooklyn white writer women because they are getting used as cvm dumpsters by masculine alt right chad nationalists hahahaha. that or negros hahaha.

there was an interview with one shitlib 28 year old harvard sociology phd student who does a shitlib magazine called “Current Affairs”, and he said, the thing the alt right does better than us is that they make themselves look COOL to weird outsider kids.

he’s not wrong!

hey i say thank GOD. back when I was young, the right was losing this battle, and leftist shit joos still looked COOL to rebellious teens. now the pendulum has swung the other way. im happy about that…..but nervous about when the pendulum is just gonna swing BACK again. we wont be on top forever, lads. trvmp will sell out and or only be one term. 4 short years. we’d better have a REAL movement established by then because our fooking RACE is DYING. we dont have any more time to lose.

everything you read that was written by a woman is crazy shit. don’t read stuff written by women because THE GOOD WOMEN DONT WRITE. I wish they did! they need to make themselves HEARD just to say not all women writers are like that! not all women are like women writers!

these degenerate leftist jooed journalist wimmin writing with filthy language about all the cox theyve taken and how evil trvmp is and how abortion is so great and diversity is so great and whites are so lame and virgin men are so bad. not all women are like this!!!!!!!

but the good ones don’t write articles that get hugely upvoted and shared!

you gotta really dig to find the article by a low-number woman who enjoys her traditional life!

i mean if youre reading VICE or MEDIUM  what the fook do you THINK youre gonna find.  and there are not really lots of women on the Alt Right. not that i WANT there to be. we are still figuring out womens role hahaha. well not really. stay in back and support us. give us children. dont start drama.

but maybe you can write articles, non dramatic articles, about the joys of a traditional life. that would be some good moral support and just let us know there are good women out there.

ok heres what im thinking. these WOMEN are such good voices for the marxist joo, with this horrible marxist jooish writing they do. its clear they are true believers in this crap. no one can speak marxist jooish bullshit better than a woman. they might arguably be better than MEN at it!

so do you think a women could be equally good at writing for Our Side?

I tried to think of a good female 1433 writer and couldnt. maybe savitri devi. i dunno.  i mean who is the female GLR? or the female andrew anglin for that matter? i mean i dont think we NEED one though. that isnt womens JOB. thats MENS job. i’m just basically asking women to write some moral support articles and say keep up the good fight lads, we’ll stand by you, even the betas and omegas who dont have a woman to literally stand by you.

im not even interested in other women. i’m semi interested in BANGING young beautiful women, but I’m more interested in just FORGETTING about THAT woman. because i still want HER. want her more than other women, i and i dont want that. i would love to want another woman like that. please GOD hahahaha. and just replace that woman always and forever. stop wanting her. just forget about her.

rational response: when some beautiful young gurl is being NICE to you and showing INTEREST in you, it will be REALLY EASY to FORGET about THAT woman and to get feelings for a new woman.

and yeah about the women writers, there should be a few more women writers writing moral support articles to support the men who are out there fighting. show some god damn gratitude, especially to the men who won’t get actual gratitude from an actual woman. these are still hwyte men too, and we need THEM just as much as we need women.

i guess i just want women to show more respect to Beetas and Omegas. they way they treat you like the scum of the earth, its like a healthy man treats a dirty whore. and being a Beeta simply isnt anywhere NEAR as morally deplorable as being a flthy whore. its not even necessarily inherently immoral to be a beeta male! but these women sure treat you like it sure IS!

but yeah hwyte men need to rise up and be strong and lead again. and then they will stop being beetas and women WILL show them gratitude and loyalty. but we have to SHOW STRENGTH first. strong horse. nobody likes a weak horse.

and i have certainly failed COMPLETELY at being a STRONG man. and yeah that is frustrating.

so yeah i would say maybe some YOUNG leftists and joos cant be held liable for literally wanting to genocide the white race. because most leftists are NAIVE and dont think its about hwyte genocide, its about making a Equal World where we can all live in Social Justice. We’re not trying to EXTERMINATE HWYTE people! you sound like a crazy person when you say that!

in fact maybe just a MINORITY of jooish leftists are NOT naive and ACTUALLY realize its about hwyte genocide.

so you dont charge them with genocide or first degree mvrder, you charge them with manslaughter and sentence them to getting the fook out of our country.

didnt mean to K hwytes? oh well, youre still K’ing whytes and now you must do the time.

and here i am, i dont even want women hahahaha, i just want one particular woman i havent seen or spoken to in almost 2 years hahahah. get over it!

actually even more i wish i had a work ethic like most normies. to work 20 hours a day for years just for a CHANCE at a 30k a year job.

hint: get a engin degree and you will have an easy time getting a 30k job. electrical, mechanical, chemical. you even get a CHOICE hahaha.

and you can totally do it by age 20 or maybe even 19. this is what we need to sell to young white boys. like, younger than 14. because we want them to start COLLEGE at age 14. have the engin degree at age 18. start making 40 grand at 18. be making 80 grand by 30. damn. establish 49 employee companies and hire only whyte men. by acreage in rural areas. have the wives do a hwyte homeschool network.

shit could do homeschool college as well. shits all online anyway.

but i do think a 16 year old boy taking brick and mortal college classes with 19 year old sluts is perfect.

well, perfect is getting married to your High School Age Sweetheart. the next best thing is being a “fun project” for a 19 or 20 year old slut when you are 16.

but where you gonna meet them in engin classes, also if gurls arent going to college and becoming sluts in the first place.

easy, you meet them through their fathers when they see you as a promising young man making good money at age 18 who is looking for a nice 17 year old gurl.

i am very interested in education, but i just want to throw the whole jooed system out and start over. is there a masters degree in THAT? are there jobs in THAT? in destroying the system and starting anew? hahahaha.

well DISRUPTION is a big thing in companies now hahahahaha.

DISRUPT THE JOO.

START UP THE ROTORS.

FIRE UP THE OVENS.

you will know them by their handiwork.

funny that we goys see only their wreckage but never them themselves. so you come to hate women and hate negros and hate nonwhites when really none of them deserve your hate. father forgive them for they know not what they do hahahaha.

well, def the women dont. and the negros. pretty sure the arabs know what they are doing.

so youre saying an arab is smarter than a white woman?

NO, i’m saying that all women are easily cowed and swayed. they are natural followers.

unfort i am a natural follower as well, never was big on leading.

really i dont want to go through the STRUGGLE of MEETING somebody, getting to KNOW someone, putting in the two years to actually get to know and trust them, it takes a long time, and i already had that FAMILIARITY and TRUST and KNOWLEDGE with That Woman.

but heres the thing. me Getting To Know her didnt feel like a goddamn STRUGGLE. it happened so NATURALLY. there was no effort or heavy lifting or forcing.

and that probably contributed to me falling in luv, feeling like this was a SIGN from GOD, that she was the ONE, because i expected so much STRUGGLING getting to know a woman, as I do now, and that didnt happen at ALL. the struggling came later, in trying to deal with The End. basically just trying to confirm that i was not a horrible traitor who had done a horribly immoral thing. i had to do all those mental gymnastics myself hahahaha.

hey i admit it i was no innocent. i deserve to be ashamed for some of it, and god damn was i ever. i was a coward weakling. it LOOKED bad. and the timing was bad. i KNEW she was having some family issues and was pretty stressed about that. in the long run that is what i will feel worst about. but i will get over it hahahaha. the fact that i “waited” until she was facing something outside of her control in her family, to “spring” this on her, when she was already super stressed out about that.

but again i dont think this is betrayal or treason or warranted treating me as such.

and it was no single joo who turned her father into a muh dick hwyte negro deadbeat, but through the partially-covert actions of many joos and many accomplice goys who didnt fully realize the type of degen fatherless muh dick culture they were creating.

does anyone GO INTO education with the idea that, welp, i can’t DO, so I might as well TEACH? I think most teachers would violent protest that old Pejorative saying “if you can’t do, teach.” but i would GO INTO teaching with that defeatist attitude hahaha.

also theres a popular idea that you need ot fail to succeed. well not if you fail so god damn much that you stop wanting to TRY, or your attempts become so half-baked and half-assed that they couldn’t possibly succeed.

also i wish you could fail in the workplace more. but you cant, or then you get fired for losing the company money. thats why people are perfectionists who are afraid of failure!

maybe my dream job would be working in a Dual Enrollment program at a comm college. so i could get 14 year olds into college and not a thoroghly jooed one. def would need a masters degree for this job though. and there are damn sure not a LOT of jobs in this field hahaha.  there would be FIERCE competition amongst a group of people with masters degree in Dual Enrollment College Administration.

ideally it would be in a more rural area so as to maximize the number of Hwytes i would serve and minimize the number of nonhwytes. i dont want to HURT any nonhwytes, I just want to HELP hwytes MORE. serve and strengthen my race.

i wouldnt have to worry about any J’s because they simply dont go to these working class colleges. period.

would i h8 joos less if i knew any working class joos? if I thought there WERE any working class joos? but there ARE! though def not the norm for them. those people hahahahaha.

no more than 25% of joos are working class. and that is a VERY generous number hahahaha. prob closer to 5%. source needed hahaaha.

insanely cute and nice 18 year old hwyte girl working at local arbys hahaha. seems like a literally nice sweet uncorrupted unjooed gurl. also is 100% undeniably hwyte. nothing questionable at all in this one. if i were hanging out wiht her and she was being NICE to me AND showing that she would be interested in Monog Dating…..i would forget That Woman ever existed!!!!!

but honestly this gulr is way out of my league. when i was 20 i might have judged her for working at ARBYS hahaha. now i dont care.  i say good for her. as long as she doesnt use it as a slippery slope to degeneracy or opioid epidemic or mudsharking. if she has a good father all will be fine.

because of her nice and innocent demeanor i would assume she does has a good father. but i shouldnt do that. because That Woman had a nice and innocent demeanor, not even demeanor, she was actually nice and innocent but she had a horrible father!

anyway, i prefer nice, innocent women to bitchy, slutty women hahahaha. what a concept.

but yeah. i do hate the idea that SHE WAS TOUGHER THAN ME. she, who i held in such high regard, outcompeting me on TOUGHNESS, a quality i hold in the highest regard.

yeah but if she was REALLY actually tougher than me, she would have just told me, sorry, we’re done, you’re not a BAD GUY and i dont hate you, but I just dont feel that way, the end. we had a good run while it lasted. then i prob would have had months less of pain hahaha. had a better experience. wouldnt be so butthurt about her being TOUGHER than me.

language is powerful hahaha. lets stop calling it the jooish QUESTION and start calling it the jooish PROBLEM. daily stormer does this hahaha. so did GLR.

by page 80 in “whyte power” GLR names the J and he doesnt stop naming them after that point hahaha.

its FUNNY how the pro legalization MJ degenerates which i probably am, seem to think that MJ does not affect your driving AT ALL. they completely dismiss that out of hand the way people dismiss nazis. this is disingenuous, bad faith, and jooish af. how can you say alcohol impairs your driving but gettig blazed af doesn’t??????!!!!!!

i just want to get blazed as fook! i’ll even try not to drive hahahaha.

yeah i dont think it damages your driving ability as much as alcohol. but to say it has no effect is ridiculous. you might as well do away with dui laws hahahaha. which i might not be against hahahaha. but without dui laws i might start drinking again after like 8 years. i actually probably would.

so that proves these laws are GOOD?

i mean its terrible drunk drivers K people.

so HOW terrible is it when people have 3 drinks and then drive?

yeah but i wasnt having 3 drinks and driving. what i was doing WAS terrible, law or not.

but it is stupid you can pass out drunk in the drivers SEAT of the car and get a DUI. i actually did that once hahahaha. slept it off in the front seat. didnt have the keys in. is that a critical thing?

anyway i fully admit to drinking too much. having a medium Drinking Problem. I did it and i am not proud of it!

mar 30

found this chrome extension called onetab which sends all your tabs to one single tab which contains a list of links. the idea is so they are not running and eating up your memory with 31 tabs of jooish pron hahahaha.

really simple concept. basically have a list of your most frequently used links and then click on them to load the page rather than have them open all the time. but i like anything that can Reduce Muh Memory Footprint hahaha. OneTab. you can easily add and remove links. not add duplicate links. its basically like history or bookmarks but your top 20 pages.

and then just open like 3 or 4 tabs at a time rather than 14 hahahaha.

its EMBARASSING  I havent used this or a similar app before (there are several to choose from, i only picked onetab because it had a lot of ratings) but the chrome extention “store” is hard to browse like a power user. cant get a good buy in very well. it doesnt share out very well hahahahahaha.  cant really deep dive into there and share it out. hard to get a good buy in.

https://www.one-tab.com

try it out nd make your comp 95 times faster hahaha

i would dnate a dollar to them if they were hwyte, but they dont even beg for dnations! so they MUST be hwyte hahaha.

if you do something useful, valuable, or important, you SHOULD get paid joobux for it.

everybody likes johnny cash but we could all stand to be more familiar with the song that gave him his name:

listen to something other than ring of fire, boy named sue or hurt hahaha.

when i was a young man i played the song at a party, hope it didnt sound too shitty because i was drunk af. it certainly didnt help me get any action hahaha. but its weird. its a very SOCIAL JUSTICE, MARXIST sort of message, but I still think its a good, meaningful, sincere song. i felt it spoke to me, and also explained my own penchant for the Gloomy which i had somewhat a reputation for, hahahaha, and often wore Black, prob still do.

and i do generally agree with the social justice message of the song, that some people just get a raw deal, get shat on, and dont deserve it, and we should have sympathy for them and try to help those less fortunate.

wish i had played the song well enough to get some makeout action though hahahaha. i probably could have, but i had oneitis on some dame who wasnt the least interested hahaha. she was an ok person but i should have just avoided her. that was impossible though, i saw her EVERY DAY without even TRYING and she hung out with my friends. SAVAGE.wav.

i should have immediately gone to the shrink, changed muh major to engin, stopped drinking cold turkey, saw the shrink 2 times a week, got a nice suit, and gone to the career center every day trying to get a 28k entry level engin job. but noooooooooo.

my weekend has begun hahaha. some MJ would be ideal. instead i ate a big dinner, too many calories, and had 1 benedryl, and now 1 valium, plan on 1 more valium, and 1 more ebendryl. try not to drink too much coffee to NULLIFY it.

damn this onetab is GREAT. why didnt i do this YEARS ago. if there are 2 things i am obsessed with……..hahahaha its joos and women hahahaha. i mean tabbed browsing and Memory Usage.

i thought of doing a black metal album with great songs and great lyrics that were pretty much very fashy, alt right, VVN, 14ee, not degenerate, not morally subversive but morally upright, and very JQ  JP aware, but i would not name the j00 until the very last word of the lyrics for the album, but make sly references throughout. but wouldnt be able to be accused of being anti-semitic until that last line of lyrics was brought up because it actually use the word Joo for the first and last time to unambiguously name what i was talking about.

but i cant write good lyrics and I sure as hell cant write good music!

well thats false. i’ve written both before! just not a lot. esp in comparison with the bad and shitty and worse than mediocre!

just an idea, had no intention of actually doing it myself haha.

heh took bendryl #2 a little early. just gonna skip valium #2 and replaced it with a Benedryl. will take Benedryl #3 right before bed.

this is better than drinking. it is technically better than MJ too…..but i dont really believe that because i desperately yearn for MJ.

old GLR sneakily avoided naming the J for the first 80 pages…..i think i just said this yesterday. anyway point is, he is going fullblast on them now, thats for sure. nicely describes them as parasites and tapeworms.

heh. those son of a btiches kicked me off the TRS discord because i didnt go through the formal extreme vetting process there hahahahahaha. not that i ever used it! but discord is a potentially good chat/meeting/voice system.  might be a good way for me to Actually Socialize with people. i guess i already do that at my job, by getting better at being friendly and talking to the people there.

i guess like once a month i feel like being social hahahaha and not a total loner weirdo. the rest of the time i just want to be alone doing MJ. it was different with that woman. i liked spending time with her. it gave some hard competition to being a loner haha. made me want to reconsider that path hahaha. now i am just mainly content being a loner again. not even terribly LONELY. when i was 20, 21, etc, back then i got a lot more LONELY at the thought of being/becoming a loner. now it doesnt bother me nearly as much.

but i still might like to be somewhat less of a loner. hang out with friends a LITTLE more, and DEFINITELY have a special waifu woman. i think its much better to have a special person like that, than to not. yuge value add there.  makes life without seem very bland and boring and disappointing by comparison.

14BB hehehehe 14ee which one looks better

i might have to go back and relisten to david dukes my awakening. i listened to a lot of the audio book a few years ago and really enjoyed it. would totally recommend it. learned a lot. first learned about the evil degenerate talmud hehehe.

you can probably find a pdf or txt file on the internet hehe but its really much better just to read an actual paper book.

so whats worse? MJ prohibition, or MJ being legalized in a way where there are really really really jooish laws and taxes and regulations where people are still strongly attracted by the Black Market because the Legal Market is such a Shitty Deal? or you can go to jail for using too much hahahaha.

i mean im still wondering about the DRINKING laws. i mean yeah SHOULDNT there be laws against drunk driving, and public drunkenness, Open Intox, Open Container laws, disorderly conduct, etc.

so shouldnt legal MJ similar have a bunch of stupid strict laws? or is it better to have it be Criminalized? i dont see how i could POSSIBLY be BETTER. and its much more likely to be legalized if you can give govt and jooz a way to PROFIT off it.

i mean it doesnt take a super crafty joo to see that a lot of MONEY can be made here. follow the money. so why dont they do it? because it takes THAT long for govt and legislation to MOVE?

but the SCOTUS made gay marriage legal OVERNIGHT. couldnt they make MJ legal overnight? not that they SHOULD, but COULDNT they, and if jooz run everything, why dont they want MJ to be legal? what is the thinking here. so this proves joos dont run the US. because MJ isnt legal NOW. hahahaha.

yeah but they make money off it being illegal too.  i guess the jooish business analysts ahve crunched the numbers and determined they make more money off it being illegal than it being legal. and all the degen potheads say look at colorado making a whopping 5 million dollars a year for EDUCATION oooo this is doing SO MUCH GOOD.

of course as a born again fascist, im not so sure legalizing drugs or even just MJ is a good idea after all!

and i fully admit its for my own selfish degeneracy. it would certainly be bad for society as a whole.

besides, how many HWYTE people are going to PRISON for MJ? not a lot.  i bet even fewer blacks are going to prison for MJ. LEO probably want to bust dealers of harder drugs and just dont care about softer drugs so much.

so who do the crooked cops sell the seized drugs to? back to the mexican cartels? probably hahahaha.

how much of seized drugs are illegally sold by crooked cops? 50% of the drugs? i cant believe cops are THAT crooked hhaha. i mean i thought the drugs were SUPPOSED to be DESTROYED.

i just cant go to my local police dept and be like ay bros want to sell me some drugs?

i would be MUCH better off going to random shady negros in the shady negro area of town.

i mean i would pay a shady arab doctor extra money to give me a Non Extremely Vetted recommendation for an MMJ card. you pay extra money so they can be extra shady and say here you go, here’s a MMJ card for your insomnia and anxiety hahahahaha and i will just check chronic pain on the state application. i mean i would pay much higher than the going rate for that extra shadiness. like dirty sluts willing to suck off the doctor for more opioid pills. i wouldnt suck anybody off ever though hahaha.

mar 31

have been overeating a lot without even trying lately. so, prob will gain a few pounds. not a huge deal, but obv want to keep eye on it. friday in lent is perfect time to try a Fast hahahaha. cut cals. drinking warm coffee with butter. this is acceptable hehehe.

you could just use a folder of bookmarks in chrome to do the same thing as this onetab extension.

trying something a little diff with muh day off. instead of shooting right off to errands, i am immed doing laundry right now. will do the errands when they are either drying or out of the dryer. almost abotu to put in dryer nao.

10:55 of sleep last nite compared to the usual 7 hahaha. this is how i bring the average up to 8:30 hehehehe.

ok put stuff into dryer. havent left yet obv. just sitting here drinking butter hahaha that i wish had MJ in it!

nobody ever told me that every conversation, every PART of a conversation, every INTERACTION, every word you say, is a COMPETITION or a STRUGGLE, where if YOU don’t say something INTERESTING, or FUNNY, or VALUABLE, or USEFUL to them, or PLEASING to them, then they think you are an IDIOT or an ASSHOLE or a WEAKLING or a JOO.  or a terrible person. a child molester or a traitor or a betrayer.

my least fav are being thought of as an IDIOT, or INCOMPETENT, or a Bad Person. A Morally Weak Coward or Liar or Joo. or an Inferior MAN –  an omega male. a Bootlicker who could only pull an Inferior Woman – if any woman at all.

it doesnt matter what other people think of you……but yes it does when you are trying to impress employers, colleagues, bosses, clients, women, friends! of COURSE you care about how they perceive you!!!!!! perception is reality hahahaha.

left another encouraging comment on a new george feels video just now. good for me hahahaha but also good for HIM. he is pushing in a  good direction and i want to encourage that and see more of it.

also i think he might be sympathetic to 14BB but not want to come out and say it. which is understandable. so i want to signal to him that yep this is a good way to be bro but im not such a loose cannon that i would ever blow your cover. like come on your channel saying HH, 1433, defoo the joo etc. cuz he puts his real face out there for the whole world to see. this is pretty much totally incompatible with espousing pro-hwite views.

ok finished laundry, out of dryer. even put clothes away. so, absoutely time to go do the errands. 1240pm.

i got to thinking, all of “mental illness” is inherently jooish. and jooish are inherently mentally ill!!!!!! mental illness is the Mental Joo, basically a mindvirus mindparasite burrowing into your mind and destroying it from within. whether its derpression or anxiety, or something more serious hehehe. so yeah im not saying its not real. it’s real as fook just as these destructive parasites are real!

my bold claim is to view your own “mental illness” as a little parasite JOO that is very literally trying to personally destroy YOU and your mind and your life, and its up to you and your trusted ones to grip it and rip it out forcefully and finally!!!!!

you dont want a little hand rubbing merchant in your mind, do you!!!!?????!!?????

George’s video on JUNG is very timely, seems like a SIgn from PROVIDENCE to me!

did some quick googling on this essay only to find its very controversial hahahahaha. ie joos used it to say jung was a nazi and supported AH. shit i hope he DID! all the more reason for me to read and luv JUNG!

and all the more reason to read the essay and all the more reason to be glad that george is looking at it. probably him dogwhistling again, and i fully appreciate it, and again, im not gonna blow his cover. but the neet virgin liberatardians arent calling him a natzee yet and i dont want to clue them in. but george doesnt need these people on his side anyway. but he doesnt need people calling him a natzee right now, or ever, so i’m not gonna help them do it. as i say, his Real Life Face is Doxed, so he doesn’t need anything BAD tied to that.  so i want to be real careful with what i say to him publicly. i mean i can email him for private talks. not that i would do that more than once every 2 months hahahaha.

tired of honey nut cheerios, switching over to peanut butter crunch hahahaha. yes i know cereal is terrible. well its not as bad as pizza or ice cream or cookies or pie hehe.

http://www.philosopher.eu/others-writings/essay-on-wotan-w-nietzsche-c-g-jung/

theres the actual jung essay full text, and not a damn dissertation on why it is a nazi thing. looks like kerry bolton wrote a good thing on counter currents. which, of course, are nazis hahahahahahahahahaha. no im kidding. dr greg is a good guy and he wrote me a nice thank you note for my insultingly small donation to CC.

anyway that full essay, not sure about that translation, and DEF the formatting is fooked, with words being joined together and such. proofread that shit!

i guess david lane started his wotanism based on that essay. Will Of The 4y4an People was what he said WOTAN stands for hahahaha. no complaints here. Lane was the creator of the 14W after all! great guy! should get HIS books!

https://archive.org/details/TheJewishStrategy

by Revilo P. Oliver. I should read this hehehehe

http://bbs.dailystormer.com/t/brad-pitt-losing-weight-and-his-mind-after-whore-wife-ruins-his-life/95662

i am now courageous enough to return to the bbs after i made a post about a week ago, then afraid to see if people had responded to me. i havent read the thread, but i think a few people upvoted me!

but yeah AA shares muh butthurt over women at the risk of being called MGTOWish. no we are not MGTOWs, but god damn are women SO jooed that is is DISGUSTING. you cant be blamed for hating them a little bit, even when you KNOW its the j’s who made them this way. you wish they could resist the J even just a LITTLE bit and not be completely horrible people hahahaha.

http://archive.is/PfIWU

archive of Andrew’s article hehehe

QUOTE

This narrative of “you aren’t good enough for women” being reinforced by men is absolute poison. Our race is only going to continue to exist if we fix gender relations, and so anyone who promotes this type of a narrative is a traitor to the race. Anyone who sides with feminism in any way is helping to destroy our race.
So please, don’t allow this to continue.

Do not be ashamed.

If somebody claims that someone else is having trouble with women because he’s not a good enough man, call him out for supporting the feminist agenda against white men.

Nevermind the Sluts – Talk to Your Brothers and Never, Ever, Ever Man-Shame

The other big, BIG issue: don’t feel like you have to pretend you’re not having any problems with women.

Everyone is having problems with women, but we have a cultural climate where it is like saying “I HAVE A TINY DICK” to talk about it.

In fact, many men will engage in the above mentioned “man-shaming” of other white males. This is absolutely disgusting, and it is inexcusable.

It only helps the sluts.   ” END

NEVER EVER EVER EVER MAN-SHAME.

AND NEVER EVER EVER EVER BE AFRAID TO SAVAGELY SLUT-SHAME.

THANK YOU ANDREW!!!!!

i wonder if his qt hwyte gf left him and now he is sad and angry.

well, he SHOULD be sad and angry, and that only makes what he writes here even MORE correct!!!!!

read this article 10 times every day and give him your money hahahaha.

women are just 16 year old gurls, of COURSE they are gonna dump you and BLAME YOU for it!

trying to red pill your woman is like trying to red pill your DOG (or cat.) don’t try to get the dog to understand. just be a strong leader and your dog will follow you in your fight against the J’s. don’t expect them to understand. THE TYRANNY OF HIGH EXPECTATIONS hahahahaha

so really by acting like a 14 year old gurl and blaming me, That Woman acted exactly like how you’d expect a woman to act. i was naive and didnt know how to handle it. oh well. at least now i think i learned a valuable lesson about women. always be dominant. never expect more responsibility or maturity or wisdom out of them than you’d expect out of a 14 year old gurl IT’S JUST THE WAY THEY ARE.

some men would say slapping a woman in the face is every effective, i dunno, i don’t think i would ever be comfortable with that. i do think SPANKING them would be VERY effective and I would LOVE the cahnce to test that hypothesis. i mean slapping them in the face just seems TOO savage, too nonwhite. hwyte men don’t NEED to slap their woman in the FACE.

shit, negros and semites will brutally PUNCH their women in the face and bludgeon their skulls with blunt objects!

i absolutely showed no dominance whatsoever. i mean i was at a low point hahaha.

it just also really bothers me that i have to COMPETE with these 14 year old gurls for JOBS, and they get masters degree and outperform me in the workplace, sometimes doing honestly tough jobs, and being TOUGHER than me. 14 year old gurls arent TOUGH and dont WORK very hard!!!!!

anyway. i just esp like it when AA writes about women. his haters say he is a woman hater. i say he’s prob just been hurt by too many jooified, degenerate women, just like many of us. i might SPECULATE that he has had a recent drama with a woman that has left him extra hurt! which is FINE! it happens to us all, and these struggles and heartbreak build TREMENDOUS character in a man!

come on. do you know how many WOMEN are MAN haters? most of them!

but yeah i especially like when AA says never ever ever shame any man for being beta or whatever.

ol uncle varg borders on doing this. well you’re just not MAN enough to DESERVE a woman.

i will always luv uncle varg, but I am closer to AA’s POV here. like god damn, these women really ARE garbage, and we have to stand in solidarity with our white Brothers. BROES BEFORE HOES!!!!!!!!

oh youre just mad about not Getting Any.

Well, YES! a little bit. part of that is my fault sure, but a big part is WOMEN being huge sluts! or Slags, as the brits call them.

slores, sluts, slags, skanks.

i will white-knight on occasion. i just dont want to do it too much. and i never want to manshame unless the man is really actually doing something jooish or negrish or sinful or bad or bad faith and not just being a white knight niceguy lickspittle woman-loving beta. dont SHAME him for being INNOCENT.

i bet he did just get dumped hahaha. well i would be there for AA if he needed a manfrand hahahaha. i am concerned that he doesnt do enough real life socializing.  i thought he was back in the US. he could totally find decent men to hang out with, he just has to get out there. like there are TRS and DS goys even in my area and if I tried, I could probably meet up with them. but i would worry about being rejected for being a loser. or that the person would be a tattooed felon type.

so….youre makign fun of me for being an idiot for betting when i had the nut flush? why is it dumb to bet when you have the nuts and are guaranteed to win???? are you supposed to call and hope the other guy bets? how the fook was it dumb of me to bet????? youre SURPRISED that I “ACTUALLY” Bet with the nuts? am I not understanding something here?

is it stupid to bet on QUADS too? am i supposed to slowplay these all the time? heh i have been playing poker very recreationally for like 5 years and it looks like i havent learned a god damn thing about actual strategy. feels bad man.

maybe the guy was just bantzing me. everyone likes to shoot their mouth off about how they are the smartest poker expert ever.

i am playing at a higher stakes table than i like because nobody is in the lower stakes one.

i mean i dont get nut flush very often. about as often as full house or quads ahhahahahahaa. but i do get quads more often than i thought i ever would.

anyway i hope anglin is hanging out wth people rather than just sitting alone doing daily stormer stuff. a person needs to be a little social and have some friends to do real life stuff with. says ME hahahaha. if he had a GF and she was his only real life person and she dumped him, that could be extra devastating. just speculating.

you could say its stupid to get into the cult of personality but i think it’s actually natural and healthy. you read anglin’s stuff for years, you start to feel more attached to him, like you sort of KNOW him, and that they are KIND of your buddy in that you sympathize with them, want the best for them, sometimes donate money to them, and wouldnt’ mind hanging out with them sometime. doesn’t mean you stalk them. but you do kinda wonder about their life story. their family and friends and them growing up. and enough of anglins story is out there to put together something of a picture.

he says he gets along with with his parents, so that is good.

he is very tight lipped about where he is living now, and i cant blame him, because jooz have been protesting outside his father’s office lately. jooz have called and confronted both his mother and his father. disgraceful.

i know he’s not REALLY my buddy, but i have the greatest respect for him and want the best for him. and that includes being happy in his social life and luv life. i dont want him to be a friendless foreveralone! I guess you could say I CARE about him!

but yeah i dont have any sick fantasies or delusions that he is my buddy or anything.

i just think that when a person puts themself out there like that, they can’t blame other people for getting a little bit attached to them. like mike enoch saying you dont know me, you’re not my buddy, i’m just a guy with a microphone, i’m not a leader. when you start to get FANS and people listening to your content regularly, then yeah to me thats a kind of social contract. you are SOMEWHAT responsible to your fans. i mean, you WANTED people to LISTEN to you, right? you cant just shit on your audience.

not that mike REALLY did that. well, he sorta said some of those things haha.

shit im not even sure what anglin’s position is on all this. maybe he would try to WEASEL about being “held to a higher standard just because i am the creator of daily stormer.”

heh. just saying if I were the creator of the daily stormer, i’d kinda EXPECT to be held to a higher standard than some autist troll in the comments!!!

 

 

 

ON THE JOB TRAINING IS NOT TRAINING AT ALL

aug 27

sheeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeit.

i mean i study the companies before doing the interviews. i write thank you emails. i dress nice. i shave my face. i act very interested in the job. i ask questions at the end. what the hell am i doing wrong hahahaha. my fatal flaw is that i get a little nervous. and that i have such a long GAP. something must be DEEPLY WRONG with me. he needs SERIOUS HELP. he SHOULDNT BE working. or, he thinks hes gonna work HERE? HA! he needs to PAY HIS DUES first! get a job at walmart or mcdonalds or a shitty restaurant or call center, show that youre WILLING TO WORK first, before you can get an AWESOME job like this!

this is for that phone interview on monday. looks like the company is more reputable than i thought. winning all these best places to work awards, having many skilled and respected engineers, a destination kind of employer, that only wants the best of the best. which i am not. but i was when i was 17-18!

also my problem is that i cant just suck it up and live through a shitty job. it breaks me down into a Dumpster Fire and then I end up Committing Career Suicide and moving DOWN the career ladder ultimately. i dont really pay dues but get actively punished.

then i see all the people with engin degrees working for this palce, making 60k, thinking DAMN, I went to a TOP SKOOL, I went to a better skool than THEY did, why didnt I just get a damn ENGIN degree, then I could be making 60k too, I could have a wife and a FAMILY, and a good job, instead of being a huge neet loser who cant deal with LIFE.

and get angry and discouraged and slow down on muh job search hahaha.

yeah well today i am studying the company so i sound informed on muh 15 minute phone interview monday. see if its enough to overcompensate and get me a physical interview. prob not hahahaha.

then tomorrow i will study the company for tuesday int. much more of a blue collar place. but they are big and they have been around a while. not some fly by night arab company hahahaha. or shitty crab people asian company.

shit i had way more confidence in 2013 when i was working my mickey mouse job and was becoming close friends with That Woman.

see im desperate but i also cant take just any job because if i take a super shitty call center or customer service job, i am very worried about muh emotional health, and would i snap and quit. i dont want to put myself into a position like that so i avoid applying for those kinda jobs. high stress jobs hahahaha.

thinking about partying tonight with a valium nyquil combo. it is saturday nigth after all.

so, have a better feeling about the tuesday interview than the monday interview as a job i could actually GET. but i feel the monday place would be more fun and chill and better workplace than the tuesday place. well of COURSE its HARD to get into a GOOD workplace! the easier the job is to get, the WORSE the job is gonna be, the more it is gonna push you to your Limit.  and not in the good way hahahaha.

aug 28

took the valium nyquil combo around 645 pm, did 4.2 mile powerwalk, went to bed, slept pretty good. the combo i guess chilled me out a little bit and made me sleep good. would still prefer partaking MJ hahahaha.

it shuts your mind down, you cant think negative thoughts because it takes too much effort to think at all hahahaha. in other words it might be difficult to WORK, where you are trying to solve problems and bullshit on your feet all day. explaining and bullshitting and coming up with plans and reasons and explanations and answers and solutions.

sheeeeeeeit. it might be That Womans birthday very very soon. thankfully it doesnt bother me as much as youd think it would. one of my goals was to spend a womans birthday with her and have birthday cuddling with them, or having them spend my birthday with me and have birthday cuddling. or secs. or handholding. or making out. or hanging out.

never happened though hahahahahahaha. 2 years ago i went to dinner with my female friend and it was near her birthday and i was right on the CUSP of starting to feel differently about her. but not quite sure i was there yet. but i was getting very close.

in fact i wasnt even sure what her exact birthday was. it takes a while before someones birthday is a big deal for you.  you gotta know them at least a year.

and the next year of course i would ahve really liked to spend her bday with her but by that time we were DONE.

and now we’ve been DONE for a full YEAR after that.

i heard this song when this album came out in 1998, 18 years ago hahahaha and i was a stupid angsty high schooler listening to the weekly radio metal show. i thought the song was very catchy and epic and it was the first time i enjoyed anything like power metal.

i never listened to the whole album. i will now give it a chance hehehehe.

hmm very sleepy and tired today, the day after the nyquil. i guess thats not suprising.

cheap “skullcandy” earbuds lasted only 2 weeks. what cheap chinese crap. one ear went out then the other ear went out very quickly. one ear is bad enough and time to buy a new pair of cheap chinese throwaway garbage.

537 that is my new goal hahahaha. 537 job applications hahahaha. i get 1 interview for roughly every 21.4 applications hehehehe. and so if i want 25 interviews, then 537.

i am “only” at 386 so far.

i have been slowing down lately, getting a bit discouraged.

maybe i should contact her on her birthday hahahahahahaha. no i am just joking.

 

did SHE ever contact ME on MY birthday? HELL NO! she didnt even KNOW when my birthday was! although i kinda make it hard. you have to ask me and then mark it down on your calendar. which nobody does because they just use facebook to remember birthdays hahahaha.

but yeah at one time she was a real friend and i havent found any new friends to fill that friend gap. and i liked having that kind of person playing that kind of role in my life. i mean shit it was a two way street too, i was playing the same role in her life too.

ok  went to shitstore and bought some shitty 10 dollar sony earbuds that i HOPE will last 1 month.

listen to some of the hammerfall album, see if its any good. need more positive shit hahahaha.

was listening to george feels and he had a very sad pathetic feelsy video and i was like yep i shouldnt listen to this, this is not gonna help me. something basically how he had done nothing with the past 3 years of his life, his biggest accomplishment was not jerking off for 100 days hahahaha. in 3 fookin years. so he felt bad about that and then i felt bad too about not accomplishing anything with my life either hahaha.

well i did accomplish a bit in the past 3 years: moved from old job to new job, became close friends with that woman, pushed myself to the limit with new job, did some super amazing shit that i lose sight of now, and cant convince employers that once i was valuable hahahaha, went on road trip with old friend, fell in luv with female friend, saw 3 classic concerts, discovered trs, and then shit started going bad, rel with woman fell apart, lost job, got dumped, was in a state of deep despair for months, started a gym membership for the first time in life, lost 30 pounds, applied to 386 jobs and went on 18 interviews, got 2 new good suits. so yeah id say i accomplished more than george hahahahaha in the past 3 years. there was some epically BAD shit, as well as some pretty good shit too, but the bad shit has been what i remembered most and what i am lingering in now.

anyway POINT IS, there was plenty of good shit or not bad shit, or at least forward moment or personal improvement.

but all the good shit happened in the first half, and all the bad shit happened in the second half, so the bad shit is all i remember.

well, losing the 30 pounds is a big deal and i am doing that right now.

so is buying the suit, and doing the interviews.

but the interviews also suck because they dont lead to anything.

inherently, the interviews are a good thing and i should view them as such, rather than DISQUALIFYING THE POSITIVE. and saying yeah interviews a normally all right, but THESE interviews arent so good because they dont RESULT in anything.

yes in our results oriented world its difficult saying something that doesnt have any results is a good thing.

but each abortion failure of an interview hahahaha is getting me closer to my goal of 25.

and the interviews arent really abortion failures. i look all right, i sound smart, although a little nervous, i show that ive done my homework on the company, i write thank you notes, i am one of 4 finalists for a 45k job, i mean come on these are all good things.

but the overall general shame of being an unemployable neet bum is SUCH MAGNITUDE hehehehe that it casts a shadow on all the other shit.

anyway, point is, there is a DECENT AMOUNT of good stuff ive done the past 3 years…..its just overshadowed by the bad shit because the bad shit was more recent, and honestly it was ABSOLUTELY DEVASTATING. it was probably greater magnitude than the positive stuff was positive. but there WAS still somewhat DECENT magnitude of positiveness on the positive stuff.

PLUS, we always interpret bad things worse than we interpret good things as good. in other words, really good shit WEARS OFF QUICKLY, while bad shit lingers. so we need like 5 good things to lift us up for every 1 bad thing. defeat feels much worse than victory feels good. FACT.

anyway point is george has his more positive videos and his more negative videos, and i should stay away from the neg ones. and so should he. being that we are very much alike and struggle with the same problems.

and just like him i need to focus on the positive and essentially IGNORE the negative. because its focusing on the negative and IGNORING THE POSITIVE that has gotten us in this horrible mindset. low energy, very low confidence, lazy, neet, in a rut, spinning the wheels, not trying, giving up easily, defeatist, etc.

i listened to a bit of the hammerfall and it made me want to listen to judas priest “painkiller” so i did. i guess they have similar sounding productions and the drum bit at the beginning of the album is a direct tribute to painkiller possibly. but the hammerfall is definitely a bit more “power metal” and the singer doesnt really sound like halford. which is FINE. halford is awesome, but i wanted something a bit more power metally anyway. like ridiculous, somewhat epic songs and songs about warriors and courage and all that. whereas judas priest is arguably not very power metally while at the same time influencing every power metal band….they never fully went that way themselves, because they were sorta reinventing themselves on every album.

probably iron maiden is the more power metally band.

 

YOU CANT UNFOOK A COCH, AND YOU CANT UNMURDER A BABY

july 13

did i mention this gurl at the social event? now have seen her 2 weeks in a row. she is very qt and totally dateable. she has ABSOLUTE POTENTIAL to dethrone, usurp, defeat, displace, erase,  REPLACE That Person.

all because i find her very physically attractive as part of my nonslutty type. and then i infer about her personality and morality that she is nonslutty. which is topkek 4 me. in other words, i find nonslutty girls “Drop Dead Gorgeous” and I find gurls who are “secsy and they know it” to be too brazen and slutty. no need to put it all out there like that. we can TELL you’re good looking. WEAR MORE CLOTHES. no need to wear so much or even any makeup. so a woman who implicity understands this, i am attracted to her like a lightning rod.

in other words, i really SHOULD approach this woman. and I rarely feel the desire or interest to approach a woman.

yeah i guess my type is women are who Traditionally Good Looking, but its not like this woman at the pub is a Clone of That Person. there are some similarities which accord to My Type: Nonslutty, dont show too much skin, low makeup, long hair, long legs, meaty bottom and hips, I dont really care about Boobs at all, nice face, paler white skin the better, ideally not brown eyes hahaha, but usually light eyes go along with paler skin.

SUPER chilled out album here

i dont think he’s a J but even if he is i would be inclined to give him a pass. I cant find anything degenerate about this. believe me i’m trying. oh he went to a ((((conservatory)))) and probably is very schooled in ((((schoenberg)))) but oh well richters music still sounds good.

sheeeit applied to state job less than 5 miles from home, 29k a year, YES PLZ.

It was real nice to see that new woman at the pub event and think, ya know, if i were hanging out with her, and she was being nice to me, and cuddling with me, and giving me Dat Ass, and being loyal to me, i would TOTALLY get over and forget about That Person. That is how much potential this new woman has.

i mean shit, she could be a HUGE slut. she doesnt LOOK like one though, and that’s a good sign.

but she hangs out with this gay man who I think goes to COLUMBIA. I do not have that kind of social capital. Even at my best when I was going to a Prestigious Univ…..it wasnt as prestigious as COLUMBIA. people from around here just dont go to ivy league schools. where I went was high tier prestige. i wish it could get me average jobs or average women now, 10+ years later, hehehehe.

that feel when you are first person ever to add an archive.is of a job posting from a company with hundreds of full time employees who make way more than you ever will. they dont even know how 2 archive.is!!!

but yeah even though its frustrating that i was too much of a coward and loser to approach that woman (the new woman hahaha), it was moreso encouraging and positive to think I could have ANY INTEREST or ATTRACTION towards a new woman, beyond being some damn pump and dump slut. Like I actually wanted to date, marry, and Make Babies with this new woman hahaha. I would play the Life Creation Game with her ALL NIGHT LONG. and she would have some BEAUTIFUL, healthy white babies!!!!!

i mean she would probably be leftist because what college education woman isnt, but as long as she had a low partner count, and a super low abortion count, then I could mold her. but

you can’t unfook a coch, and you can’t unmurder a baby. 

oh thats good. thats the kind of CREATIVE you get paid 28k a YEAR for.

14 Words, 14 Dollars an hour, makes sense to me.

anyway i was sitting in the damn emergency room waiting room yesterday from like 6 to 9 am which is never a fun thing, regarding the favor i was doing for my friend who is trying my patience, and i was like there will hopefully not be a lot of people in here at 6 am on a tuesday. and boy would i not want to do this job. pay 80k for nursing school just to work a midnight shift at a damn ER with fooked up ingras and white trash and foreigners and nonwhites. no thank you.

a fully white man with a neck tattoo came out of the ER  and immediate asked for for a cigarette, lighter, anything. I did not have any on me. I prob would have given him one, to help a white out. he had no shoes on and was wearing a GPS or alcohol or house arrest bracelet on his ankle. he was asking about whens the next bus come around. is it ok if i fall asleep here while i wait 2 hours for the bus, i do not want to go back to jail for sleeping in an ER waiting room. thats fine, said the security guard, just lay your head back, and do not lay down on the chair.

what a fooking ridic situation. healthyish white man about 26 years old and this is what it comes to. He sat uncomfortably close to me and asked me to peel back the top of this little cup of apple juice they gave him. I hoped he wouldnt start talking to me at 7 damn am. thankfully he did not.

but then these damn indians or pakis came in with donuts and coffee, a guy and 2 girls, all in their 20s, and they were chattering and being pretty loud. the women were shrill and annoying. they were laughing and giggling and practically having a damn party in an ER waiting room while that white guy was trying to nap, I was sorta trying to nap, and for all they know, our families are dying in there and we are just waiting for an update. the ER waiting room is not a place for FUN and giggling and banter, in other words.

they were there for at least an hour. my first assumption was that they were indian medical students doing some kind of ER clinical rotation for medical school. but didnt have the people skills to know that its kinda rude to act all boisterous. future doctors here.

but yeah what i dont like about women is that they are horrible at human decency. treating people the way you want to be treated. the golden rule. common courtesy. treating relationships and people like objects. not even making the slightest effort to be kind or decent.  treating people and relationships like disposeable, replaceable, throwaway objects and nothing more. HOW CAN YOU TREAT OTHER HUMAN BEINGS LIKE THAT????????????????!!!?!?!?!?!?!

thats the bottom line: HOW CAN YOU TREAT OTHER HUMAN BEINGS LIKE THAT?!?!?!??!?!?!?!?!

ok i am behind on keeping up with the New Job Stream, and ALSO on actually applying.

which is more important?

applying for jobs. ESPECIALLY if you have daily email alerts for some (but not all!!!!!!) of the Most Important Unmissable companies.

yeah. so, more important to apply for jobs, ASSUMING you have some B+ or even A rating jobs to apply to. I guess when you clear all those out, THEN go back to The List. Well I have like 14 jobs with high rating to apply to!

but yeah what do you say to a woman who is 8 years younger than you, makes more money than you, is further along with her career than you, has had much more relationship experience than you hahahahaha. well that last one is all women.

see you have plenty of foreveralone guys like me who have never had a real gf, or have only had short term dating abortions which lasted 2 or 3 months tops. literally EVERY woman has had SOME kind of long term rel that has lasted at LEAST a year. a long period of time where there was secs, cuddling, hanging out, spending time together, luv, loyalty, and monogamy, over a long period of time.  all women have experienced this. we foreveralones NEVER have.

maybe have pseudodated a woman for a few weeks where we were desperate for them to commit to us, hang out with us, be with us and us alone…..but they were never willing.

oh well. got 5 applications done today hehehe.

so them having Longterm Relationship Experience is FINE. just because you have experience with that, doesnt mean you have LOTS of Short Term Rel Experience. just look at That Person.  I mean you wont be able to FIND a woman WITHOUT LONGterm rel experience. thats FINE. it’s SHORT term rel experience you need to worry about.

even though sure i admit it IS a little intimidating thinking ALL women have long term rel exp, and you have NONE. at 35 years of age, 19 year old gurls have something you’ve never had, hahahahahahahahaha.

dat feel when you have been diligently jobsearching for a while and then you notice jobs get REPOSTED that you applied to like 2 months ago. you say OOO theres a grade A job I should apply to! then you say hey I already applied for this 2 months ago, or something very very like it at the same company, same location. and now they would rather repost the job than call ME? so does that mean I shouldn’t even bother applying AGAIN? I mean they already HAVE my info, without a doubt. unless they routinely throw all that shit away.

so should you reapply? I GUESS. It will show you are motivated and persistent. but Don’t hurt your Average too much applying for it. shit yes you should count it towards your Stats. your average, your total (676), etc.

so yeah. dont worry about the long term rel…..although should you LIE when she asks you about YOUR long term rels? because its really WEIRD and CREEPY when a guy has never had a GF. I would say, yeah, kinda lie. say that you had a few gfs but it didnt work out, water under the bridge, not much to say tbh!

even though you have written books and books about bitches that you never actually dated or fooked hahahahaha.

not much to say tbhfam!

yeah i guess you SHOULD lie because women like DOMINANT men and you’re NOT DOMINANT! so really until you get your first LTR under your belt by BEING DOMINANT, you have to LIE about Being Dominant!

but I would really just call it FAKE IT TILL YOU MAKE IT. nothing wrong with that. sounds better and is better than LYING. as a moral man, you dont like LYING. i get it. i’m the same way. so, faking it till you make it is not the same thing as “LYING.” 

how do you approach a qt nonslut who you are actually INTERESTED in, when you are a huge old short loser virgin?

you say, ayyyyyy bae i got a lesson for you. YOU CANT UNFOOK A COCH AND YOU CANT UNMURDER A BABY. drop mic then walk away, and then she will run after you, immediately take your coch, and then murder your baby like it aint no thang. EASY PEASY.

july 14

ok did my big day of shopping and went to JCPENNEY and they did have a good suit selection. found j ferrar brand suit with 95$ coat and 45$ pants. the color jumped out at me, it was blue but also kind of grayish. not a super duper dark blue. unfort it will prob be difficult to pair the coat with normal dark blue pants. its not a very dark navy blue.

https://www.linkedin.com/pulse/i-first-kid-my-family-graduate-from-college-have-scars-valentine?trk=hp-feed-article-title-editor-pick

idiot gets engineering degree and ends up working a job you dont need any college for and still in college debt hahaha. i bet he is a virgin too. no i kid. this guy actually has a very good work ethic, and an actually useful degree, and he does deserve better.

but yeah go to jcpenney, they have thousands of coats, then try them on till you find you Jacket Size. There was a bunch of middle aged Whites working there when I went so I trusted them, but it was sad they didnt have a better job. the 55 year old white man was able to sound confident and be like yep this size looks better than that other size. and no we dont do tailoring but there is a tailor in this mall that we direct people to.

then i went to the tailor and enlisted their services to shorten the legs and the arms (i am a very short manlet) for 40$ total.

so, essentially $180 bucks for a Tailored brand new suit. yeah a little pricey but as long as I can get 2 to 3 years out of it. it does look a lot better than what I was wearing.

and i learned muh suit size hahahaha.

also i got a nice red tie.

also got some “dress shoes” that are actually really cheap and kinda look cheap hahahaha. basically got the cheapest “Dress shoes” I could find. 30 dollars and kinda look like they are made of plastic hahaha.

heard a story about how when we were at our event the other night, and I was ogling that New Woman with the long legs and the long dark hair and the pale skin who didnt look like a slut, my colleague noticed in his rearview mirror, a man gyrating his hips behind the car. when my colleague drove ahead, pulled the car around to shine his lights at the guy, he saw that is was actually a guy AND a woman, in fact a sleazy trashy looking couple who had been grabbing each other in the pub earlier, and he was banging her IN THE PARKING LOT, not IN a car, but UP AGAINST the exterior of a car, so that the whole world could see.

DEGENERATE! but I kinda wished I had seen it too. We all left at the same time, so those degneerates were out there when I left too in other words and could have seen them if i were looking.

as i recall it was an overweight 40 year old potatoe shaped single mom white trash tattooed woman hehehehe.

but yeah thats an EXTREMELY slutty bad thing to do. if i found out my wife to be had EVER done that, i would DUMP her. that is a sign of extremely poor character.

so easy to eat over the limit. i am 1000 calories over for the week and its only thursday hehehe.

anyway jc penney was MUCH better than kohls in terms of suits.

its fookin retarded anyway. why do you NEED matching coat and pants.

got a new belt too. which i needed. cuz the old one was all wrinkled, and was too big. cuz muh weight is up and down like crazy over the years. a damn roller coaster.

whoops did not get ANY applications done today.

sooo uhh got 1 week to think about this other interview i MAY have NEXT friday. i thought they were a recruiter at first, but they were actually a company i applied to.  i THINK. outsourced business processes. so the law firm is outsourcing their mailroom and coping staff to a Business Process Outsourcing company, who I would be working for, not for the law firm.

11.50 an hour. eh could be worse. FT days schedule though, that is awesome.

but this isnt a recruiter, i am talking to the damn employer. and i was treating them with the casual attitude i would treat a recruitar. yep lemme call you back if i really want the interview. they probably thought i sounded like an asshole hahahaha .

WELL I will try to decide by next wednesday hahahahaha.

ok how about next tuesday. anything like this i need to sleep on hahahaha. oh shit i must have made a TERRIBLE impression on the person who called me! like yeah i DONT KNOW if i want to interview with you, lemme call you back, which is my “classic” move when I am caught off guard by recruiters. well this wasnt really a recruiter.

but i mean they basically are.

shit yeah its hard to relate to women, because even if a woman isnt a huge slut, even a normal nonslutty woman has no idea what its like to be a FOREVERALONE hahahahaha. they can’t relate to ME, and I can’t relate to THEM.

it is like being ALIENS to each other.

but THAT WOMAN accepted me as a foreveralone! she didnt judge me for it! she still thought I was cool!

UNTIL the moment when I wanted to date her. THEN she was ABSOLUTELY HORRIFIED, shrinking back like nosferatu getting hit with sunlight.

THE THING IS, we never really TALKED about my foreveraloneness. The MOST we ever talked about something like it was when I talked a LITTLE bit about the Previous Woman and how it was taking me a while to get over her (like a year, hahahaha.) so i was like yeah thats why i acted so weird when we saw that woman and I was so desperate to avoid her. (the previous woman came into our place of work hahaha and That Woman saw her and said hey didnt that woman used to work here, because i only get interested in women i work with, because its the only way i get to meet and talk to and sort of become friendly with women, hahahahaha. and I said oh shit and said yeah I’m gonna go do some work over here, I don’t really want that woman to see, I’ll explain later. and then I went to a very casual friendly dinner with That Woman and explained why.

however I did not go into detail about my foreveraloneness. Just the story of the past couple years up to then. not the past 10 year or anything. and then we talked more about her failing rel with her longterm live in boifran. remember i would not fall in luv with her for about another YEAR after this point.

so yeah, she NEVER really learned a LOT of details about my past. I never talked about the women I DID have short term rels with hahahaha. she didn’t know i was a foreveralone or that i hadnt dated anyone in 8 years or hadnt had secs in 8 years or whatever it was 3 years ago haha.

DF POST BY ME in a thread started by 23 year old virgin male who is lonely and autistic as FOOK but I Sympathize Empathize with him. what prompted me was that he felt guilty about having a preference for white women, him being a white. GR8 B8 M8!!!! I had to disabuse him of that pointless guilt before going into the much more important issue of meeting and getting to know women.

Great topic! First, I would advise to not feel guilty or ashamed about any racial preference as regards dating/intimate relationships. I think @redacted put it much more nicely than I could. People can definitely be a bit “tribal” and I think this is perfectly natural. However, there are also “different strokes for different folks”, and other people are very open to dating outside their race. But I once had the same fear you did. As time passed, I stopped worrying about it and just accepted my preferences as they were.

The more important point in my opinion, is the idea of getting to know somebody before developing deeper feelings for them. My ideal is similar to yours, where people gradually go from strangers to acquaintances to friends and finally to something beyond friends. I don’t think a serious relationship CAN be “rushed”, and it seems strange to me that people can go from strangers immediately to “lovers.” I suppose they might not really be true “lovers” after such a short time, but are rather just “going through the motions”, but I am biased because I’ve always been like this, I’ve never been comfortable with “casual dating” at any point in my life.

For a while I thought this might be considered “demisexual”, which is where a person can only feel physical attraction to a person when there is some kind of emotional connection/relationship already established. I’m not sure how related this is to asexuality, which I also thought I might be. Ultimately, I concluded that I was a pretty standard basic heterosexual who just had a strong preference for monogamous long-term relationships.

Not sure if you’re aware of the concept of “love shy”, there’s a big Love Shy forum out there. In my opinion, this ties in pretty well with the concept of “Forever Alone”, which is usually somewhat introverted young men who go through their twenties struggling with dating and relationships, and then there is the concept of the “wizard” or thirty-year-old male virgin.

Hmmm not sure the point I was trying to make, other than you are not alone! For me I was not just introverted, but definitely shy, anxious, and awkward when it came to socializing with women. Just pointing out the difference between introversion and shyness; some introverts are not shy, but I unfortunately am both, and I wonder if you may be too. (Not sure if there are any extraverts who are shy, but that’s another tangent!)

Basically I just wanted to keep this thread alive and give my long-winded 2 cents, which is that I mostly understand where you’re coming from with this, and I have no great advice! I just wanted to give you some support that it’s really no problem if you have a preference for dating people of your particular race, and especially to the idea that it’s very natural to not really develop deeper feelings for a person until you actually get to KNOW the person.

Of course, getting to know a person can be very challenging if you don’t see the person regularly!

And there’s also the implicit issue of approaching, which I always like to make explicit! In other words, shy, introverted men are usually not getting lots of women (or even people in general!) approaching them/you/us. It is definitely intimidating knowing that the bulk of the responsibility for initiating/approaching is on you, and that is something you’ve never been particularly good at! (I could be wrong – I’m mainly speaking for myself as a shy, introverted male!)

And again I have nothing productive to say about initiating/approaching!

The last thing resembling a relationship I had with a woman was, she was a new person at my job, and I am generally friendly and open and helpful to new employees as a rule, because I appreciate how nerve-wracking it is to learn a new job, and I hate the feeling of being “thrown to the wolves”, “swim or sink”, etc.

So as I was talking to her about the job and just being generally nice (“It’s an easy job, you’ll be fine, don’t be nervous, everyone is very nice, you can ask anybody questions anytime, especially me, I love helping people out”) we then began having small talk and chit chat, which I thought I didn’t like, but I enjoyed small talk with her. (I suppose I don’t really hate “meaningless small talk”, as it allows you to develop a rapport and familiarity and comfortability with a person.)

And through the small talk, I found we had common interests in music and movies and TV and current events, and could get into longer, more detailed conversations about those things.

After a few months of that we were getting along very naturally and very positively. As this pattern continued, we became friends who hung out outside of work.

After about 2 years of this, a switch flipped in my brain, and I fell hard for her, and that spelled doom for our friendship/relationship, and the whole thing ended horrifically for me.

The point of that anecdote is that

1. it takes a long time for people like us to get to know someone and become real friends with them, and that is fine.

2. feelings can change over time, so that you can fall crazily in love with a friend you’ve had for a few years.

Now, I’m not suggesting to make friends with women at work, and I know you are having some struggles with work right now as well (as am I!!!) But the reality is, people spend a lot of time at work, which gives them proximity and familiarity with a group of people that they don’t have elsewhere, and it can be a kind of “springboard” to getting to know people, and making new friends. (it can also be a springboard to bullying and conflict and gossip and abuse and drama etc)

I guess the ultimate point is try to put yourself in positions where you see the same or a mostly-same group of people on a regular basis, which is what it seems you were trying to do with the gaming meet-up, but it also sounds like that is not working out very well, and that it’s also not very conducive to talking to people.

Personally I play blabla once a week and that has been great fun socially. Now I am not really close friends with the people in my blabla group, and I haven’t really met any new women, but it is a regular social outlet that I am thankful for.

So I might tentatively suggest to look into local blabla teams, it seems to be growing in popularity the last couple of years, so there should be something in your area. Basically you just go out to a local bar/restaurant and play a live game of blabla and win prizes.

Sorry for the super-long post everybody!

Also do you think you would qualify yourself as shy as well as introverted? Because that can definitely be a “double whammy” when trying to meet new people, but certainly not insurmountable!

END POAST

I CAN LIVE WITH 50% A LOT BETTER THAN 99.9%

july 11

applied for the “facilities” job at the dream employer. the posting was only open for 5 days. From a FRIDAY to a TUESDAY. really suspect there. its like they DONT WANT a lot of people to apply for it ahahahahah.

well they probably dont!

but then youre just rolling the dice and getting really RANDOM people! and not necessarily the BEST people.

but that’s good for ME! I want weak competition because I myself am weak!

but yeah it would be a GREAT job to get. close, days, any overtime is paid time and a half, and icing on the cake is i already know one of the possible coworkers and get along with him really well. he might not still be there tho.

took 28 minutes to apply, but that did not bring up the average too much!!!!

meaning, the average is starting to be established as a lower number, closer to 14 than to 28. more good news.

i like to joke that i am saving myself for a woman who is a actual decent woman and not a dirty slut, so thats why i have been celibate for years hahahahaha. because a good woman is THAT hard to find. 99.9% of them are dirty skanks.

or maybe only 51%! a small majority rather than a vast majority hahahaha.

heck lets just GIVE THEM THE BENEFIT OF THE DOUBT and say 50%, because we dont know for sure.

I can live with 50% a lot better than 99.9%. and that is a lesson you can apply elsewhere in life, to overcome Pessmistic Realism Black Pill Despair.

 

this is eggman doing a video of him filling out a job app after he was fired from a data entry job, which i dont know if it was the same job where he was working 80 hours a week a few months ago. eggman is also a pathetic virgin or near-virgin making feels videos, but i think george feels is more my style.

holy shit some GREAT woman hating comments here. that are frighteningly credible. you find yourself nodding your head at the women haters, BECAUSE THEYRE RIGHT.

this is BLACK PILL REALITY. and we HAVE to ignore it. until we have a woman in our face trying to ho us out. then say “fook your bullshit baby, now suck muh dick or get out”

a woman can cuckold a man but a man can never cuckold a woman. FACT. just think about that for a while. let it really sink it. it really explains a lot, very elegantly.

anyway i used to read a lot MORE stuff like this. and it IS legit. it IS true. women ARE horrible. but sometimes its healthier for you to just stick your head in the sand and pretend women arent all that bad.

just dont worry about this black pill shit until you actually have a woman in your face testing you.

can you listen to music while doing your job applications? i say sure yeah, if it doesnt slow you down significantly. like more than 1 minute added to your average.

its just amazing women can graduate college and graduate school yet still be like CHILDREN when it comes to relationships and real life, yet they still get jobs making 40k a year. i mean you have to have COMMON SENSE and NOT be crazy, two things women are absolutely NOT.

that weird feel when you stalk the Department Head to find their name, and you find that its a weird spelling of a very common name that makes you wonder if whatever level 1 Admin Assistant input their name into the System spelled it wrong……or if that’s actually how it’s spelled. Because you want to spell Jahnathan or Crisstafer right on the CL.

should probably try to….something something. oh yeah. buy a ticket to see willie nelson live because he is not gonna be around much longer, he is at least 75 years old. he WAS doing a tour with merle haggard like last year…..and then merle haggard died.

i also am kinda kicking myself sorta because i missed the concert with “dead and company” which was basically some grateful dead guys with john mayer. john mayer really isnt as bad as one thinks he is. he is a very good guitar player and once you get used to his ridiculous voice, he is fairly enjoyable. anyway i have always been a DEAD fan but I have NEVER seen any dead related shows. dead and company had bill weir, bill kreutzmann, and mickey hart. weir and kreutzmann look old as shit, like they are at death’s door. i guess phil lesh does not want to tour any more. which is understandable. these guys are like 70 years old!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! it’s amazing they are still alive!!!! and i missed a great chance to see a good number of them.

also go through your list of job posting bookmarks and move all the B+ or higher rated ones to the bottom. or top, whatever is the “newest” or “most important.” so you can obviously not forget to apply for them.

welp 6 apps today with 12.5 minutes total for TODAYS average. which is now actually my total average as well. 12.5 minutes. horry sheet. and that is with a 28 minute app in there today.  15, 4, 7, 7, 14,  28. not bad uh.

maybe i should try to get invited to social gatherings and then take a mixture of valium and benedryl when i get there hehehehe.

welp i need to get up ridic early tomorrow to do favor for old friend. this is kinda good because i havent seen or talked to him in months and it gives me a chance to do a good deed. however i have my suspicions that his life is not going so good. maybe even trouble with his Marriage. that he might be 85% at fault for, hehehe.  also i dont want to get sucked in hehehe. but he has been very good about not taking advantage of me hehehehe so i sorta trust him not to do that.

plus i was thinking of going shopping for muh suit on wednesday and maybe if i am up SUPER EARLY tomorrow i can just do it tomorrow instead.

heheh i am becoming fond of poor georgie. he is a lot more funny and more likeable than I thought he would be, not as autistic and obnoxious and spergy. in other words, i think he has an actual chance. and in a less degenerate era, he would have been married. he’s not THAT weird that he is beyond all hope. i feel I am similar. I mean, i’ve COME CLOSE. i’ve just never closed the deal haha. george has a sense of humor and can make and understand jokes, which is a big deal. some of the autist virgins on the despair forums dont even get jokes, hahaha.

but yeah its frustrating that when a nice qt gurl is USED by Eminem-like Douchebags for Secs, but they would never even consider dating you! and they blow you off and get SO OFFENDED when you get feelings for them. and then you’re the bad NiceGuy.

who’s holding a GUN to these girls heads saying they MUST have secs with these eminem loser guys?

you can’t be USED for something without your permission!

july 12

horry sheet, invited to interview with the county, ie muh plum choice employer, after submitting 1488 applications and only getting rejections for 13 DAH jobs!

30k, not bad uh? start time of shift is at 3pm though, not ideal but oh well. for this employer, i will take it!

this ridiculous friend of mine, getting up early to do him a favor and he is just pretty much beyond help. it is sad but there is nothing i or anyone else can do. still it has resulted in distance between us. but he clearly needs to stop drinking, but will not. it is ruining his marriage and his life and put a strain on every relationship and friendship he has, but he still drinks. after 2 dui’s, several injuries and hospital visits, several Inpatient treatment stays. still drinking. trying to hide the drinking from the wife but that obv doesnt work. now wife is probably leaving. i really can’t blame her! i could not put up with that either!

but yeah back in the DAY me and him used to drink a lot together. these days i get along with him better when he is not drinking. cuz his drinking is an even bigger problem than my drinking was. but he wont stop drinking. very frustrating and disappointing and sad.

also i am disappointed at my own COWARDICE and BALLLESSNESS with him. I should have put my foot down and said, you HAVE To stop drinking or your wife will leave you, and she will be RIGHT to do so; and NO I am not going to stop by the liquor store on the way back to your house so you can buy little shot bottles of booze that you can sneak past your wife in your pockets. didnt you just go to REHAB in the past 4-5 months I have not seen you? and now day drinking on a day off from work due to a physical injury that was probably related to the drinking?

sheeeeeit. was I this bad to HER? like he is pushing me out of his life with his behavior, I pushed her out of mylife with my behavior?

NO DONT THINK THAT. COGNITIVE DISTORTION. its 2 VERY different things. being a damn incorrigible alcoholic is much different than having Feels for somebody. esp when you have been a Big Drinker for Many years and had Many Would-Be Wake Up Calls but refuse to listen to them.

also luv is more luving and good than drinking, which is blatantly destructive. culture of life vs culture of death hahaha.

yeh its a LOT different and its RIDICULOUS i would even THINK to compare them, and shows how DISTORTED muh thinking is, and with Distorted Thinking like THAT, no WONDER i got into despair and low confidence!!!!!

but yeah i received the invite for muh auspicious 10th interview after i have submitted 260 applications. this makes for some easy math. assuming  1 out of 26 applications leads to an interview and 1 out of 26 interviews leads to a job, I have to then apply to 676 jobs. Not 400 hehehehe. MOVE THE GOALPOSTS hahahaha.

i just went from 65% done with muh job search to….like 40% hehehe. DAMN.

and yet i dont feel BETRAYED by this friend. disappointed and frustrated, sure, but not betrayed. I don’t think i’ve EVER really felt BETRAYED by anybody, not even THAT PERSON. Disappointed, frustrated, heartbroken, let down, left hanging, left in the lurch, left high and dry, abandoned, sure, but not really  betrayed. how could she feel that about me? But I dont know that she does, in fact, chances are she DOESNT, much like I dont feel betrayed by her!

heh. i have an incident with this GUY and I bring it right back to that WOMAN, even though she is out of my life for a YEAR, and he is still hanging on by a thread.

yep the perfect thing to get comfy. triumph of the will and chill. would be nice to have cuddling with a tradwife while watching this hehehehe.

yes i am aware “tradwife” is a joke term for a tranny man. very alt right.

the only other bad thing other than this job being 3 to 11pm is that it is very near HER house. i mean it is almost comically close. I might even be able to SEE her house from there. spy in her window and see her getting fooked by tyrone and leroy and dewayne and rodney every night.

so yeah i dont want to drive by her street if i get this job. it would be funny if i were looking out a window directly into her bedroom watching her fook and suck ingras and eminems and neck tattoo pill popping trash.

i am worried she will become a slut now because she has no real father and she is into ridiculous conspiracy stuff. i was surprised when i learned she WASNT a slut. I just figured she WOULD be. and i am assmad if she can BECOME a slut at age 25 and would rather fook 6 gorillion black dicks than to even say SORRY to ME.

than to even send me ONE TEXT saying sorry for throwing you away like garbage when you were an important person to me for almost three years. i just realized that’s not the right thing to do.

unpleasant thoughts that That Person, my waifu who i am trying to forget and let go of but its a long painful PROCESS and I have to RESPECT THE PROCESS, that she is just a crazy Conspiracy Truther Nutty Slut like sinead mccoalburner.  and i take no pleasure in sinead’s disgrace either! I WISH she were a decent white waifu instead of a nutty slut!!

Note: that person was a lot nicer and a lot less shrill and a lot more laid back and calm than sinead!

676 applications to get ONE job???? is this REALLY what ALL normies must go through?

maybe it is. I just would have liked a little preparation for the reaming hahaha.

also i guarantee those darn baby boomers didnt have to do this. 676 applications. 26 interviews before one job. they just showed up on time with a high school diploma and that was good enough to make 1979’s equivalent of 15 bucks an hour hahahaha.

not bullshitting through 26 interviews about how you are a real team player and hit the ground running and add value, to get a 14 dollar an hour job!

14 bucks and hour, forget 15. 14 is closer to average. just want average. not greedy.

willie nelson, red headed stranger album

1975. regarded as one of his best actual albums not counting like live and greatest hits albums. also want to find a good live album. and something with merle haggard.

meh the album was a little underwhelming, plus i think the uploader has mixed it up to avoid copyright stuff and inserted a bit that was not even willie nelson.  underwhelming overall. was hoping for more band, or maybe every song would be more like “can i sleep in your arms” etc.

yep the woman i luved is giving her body to thugs and deadbeats and eminems and i’m NOT supposed to be angry and jealous? she can do THAT but not even RESPOND to me? and just cuddling with her would have been a life changing, game changer, religious experience for me.

because this job is technically in a law enforcement related agency, i wonder if they give random drug tests to all their employees throughout the year. some places do that. like being a police officer. but what about the slackers in the back office giving Administrative Support to the police dept? do THEY REALLY need regular drug tests?

i mean i just want to start working and start sm0king MJ again hahahaha. i can handle an initial pre-employment drug test, but regular drug tests after getting hired would suuuuuccccckkkkkkk. I guess I would still take the job though. I mean why WOULDNT I. 40 hours a week, no more, union, benefits, 30k a year, municipal office job. COME ON.

 

BE THE TYPE OF MAN YOU WOULD WANT YOUR DAUGHTER TO MARRY

july 9

https://www.youtube.com/user/ForeverAloneFeels/featured

i have downloaded like 10 videos to listen to. this guy seems like a Kindred Spirit and might even make it to the sidebar links. he also has varg v and weev in his liked videos, which means he might be a bad goy hehehehe. a 1433 bad goy with foreveralone nevergf forevervirgin feels. dont quote me on the 1433. but if he’s not, that might help him. i know it helped ME.

he is one of those guys that talks SO SLOW, probably because he is a horribly depressed virgin for many years! but he also drinks and looks at pron, which is bad. but i think he is quitting pron, which is great. he is currently on like day 60 of “nofap” and apparently that may be helping.

does he go to a shrink?

does he take meds?

does he take MJ?

he definitely likes to drink and eat.

look forward to investigating this fellow lost soul.

he DOES have a job and is gainfully employed, but it also sucks everything out of him and does not help his confidence heheheh.

i havent even watched these, so viewer beware, they might suck. but I think he is definitely worth a few links hahahaha

but yeah its funny how you can just TELL. from the way people LOOK and TALK. that this person is a self loathing virgin. or this person is a woman hater. im not sure if he’s a woman hater, just saying that’s something you can TELL. I know a few guys and you can just tell. i mean it is a bitterness against All or Nearly All women just barely under the surface, of viewing women as stupid and bad. I mean I have the same thing too, so I’m not judging them. I know that feel! I’m a woman-hater myself! I’m just aware of the TELLS, and make a conscious effort to HIDE them, so that people don’t even guess I’m a woman-hater. I am good at not letting the mask slip.

but yeah i dont hate or judge woman haters, how could I , I’m one myself!

I would LOVE not to hate women, but god damn, they just give us so many reasons to hate them hahahaha.

Oh well, i guess the best we can go is hate the sin, love the sinner. but why do they have to sin so god damn much, i mean they NEVER LEARN, they NEVER improve, they get worse and worse.

heh heh

like i say, i will have to listen to this guy then report back. i like to think i am very sympathetic hahaha. how will this guy compare to eggy / egg man, a similar lost soul. i mean these are not neets because they are working, but they are clearing Crying Out for help, they are in SUCH a sad state of despair.

just take some damn meds and sm0ke some damn weed already hahaaha.

how much does “george feels” drink? a little or a LOT. like getting drunk almost every day? or just a few drinks after a long horrible day at work. 3 drinks? or 6, 10 drinks.

but yeah a man CARRIES himself a certain way when he hasn’t made out (or more) with a woman in years, and men who DO have semi-regularly physical and emotional connection wtih women, also carry themself a certain way – a more confident, normie way. they seem less weird. this guy george seems totally WEIRD. as do I, hahahha.

well i guess the nofap is good for him. i would say the porn is 6000000000 times worse than the fap hehehe.

also quit the drinking and switch to weed hahahahaha.

get some damn meds.

get a short buzz haircut, that always gives me a slight confidence boost.

lose some weight hehehehe. not that he’s super fat, but being even slightly overweight is gonna be more damaging to him than to a confident normie chad, who has the personality to get away with being slightly overweight.

in one video he shows a programming in C book, is he a programmer for work? well he should thank his lucky stars to have a real skill and to make real bigboy money hahahahaha.

he lives in fookin denver! why isnt he smokng POUNDS of legal weed hahahahaha.

job opening at one of muh target employers, i almost shit muh pants when I saw it, because it actually generated an email alert. maybe newly posted fulltime jobs here do go onto indeed. good. then i will get email alerts. but they NEVERRRRR post openings for this job. I have NEVERRRR seen such a posting in like EIGHT YEARS. i immediately marked it AAAAAAA+++++++ APPLY NOW. its not every day a job shoots to the top of the list blatnatly like this.  so i will take a little extra care and apply for that today. maybe name drop in the cover letter. cuz i sorta knew 2 guys in the department 3 years ago hahahaha. like know them to chit chat with them and know their names, say hi to them and chit chat. good enough. well the one guy is a truly good guy. i would luv it if he were still there. he is a great guy and mancrushworthy. super friendly and nice and great people person hahaha. he is married and has at least one kid but he needs to have at least 3, just a great white man like that. i got along with him real well. but he gets along with everybody well, he’s just good with people like that.

i GET IT that men HAVE to bring a lot more to the table than women have to. it took me a while to understand that and accept it and not get assmad about it. ok. fine. done.

but can’t women bring SOMETHING to the table other than their befouled cvnt that they have disgraced and degraded so much?

like i have said before, can’t they even make a LITTLE EFFORT? even just 1% instead of 0% would mean a lot, symbolically at least. to be the LEAST BIT willing.

also i think guys like george mcfeels and eggman who post their pathetic white faces on youtube, it takes some balls to do that and I think they are more willing to Improve themselves than the neets on r9k, where its 100% self pity which i why I took r9k off the sidebar.

yeah well NOT ALL WOMEN ARE LIKE THAT hahahaha. SOME women WERE willing and indeed DID give me 1% of effort and kindness when they dumped me! so there! Refuted! Rebutted!

I just wanted to be DUMPED BETTER. I was begging to be dumped better. I said I accept that you’re dumping me. fine. just pleeeeeeease do it BETTER.  i didnt say don’t dump me. well….i said i would be open to not being dumped too hahahahahahahahahahahahaha but i will respect (stupid word, you can ACCEPT without RESPECTING) your decision, just do it a little better. you can do better than that. can’t you? it’s not just a woman thing, OTHER WOMEN have done better than that to ME.

also george feels should just use alcohol to bang some disgusting slut. i think he talks to women and meets women more often than I do. also he still drinks. so find some drunk whore and bang her already. if i still drank i would probably try that.

thing was, i couldnt even talk to women WHEN DRUNK. I went straight from too nervous and weird, to being sloppy falling down drunk and couldnt talk to ANYBODY. and that is not gonna help you with women unless THEY are falling down drunk.

anyway after 3 or 4 or 5 drinks, yeah i would be generally a bit loosened up but still not loosened up around Women. so then of course have another. and other. until you are 10+ drinks and then sloppy and embarrassing. thats the problem with alcohol hahahahahaha. that you get TOO sloppy to talk to women. not that you are ruining your life with being a damn disgraceful drunk hahahaha.

do i have more of a sense of humor than george mcfeels?

am i funnier than him?

more likeable?

why am I trying to BEAT him? well, i dont, i just want to prove to myself that i am not as hopeless as him hehahaha. because i am absolutely in that same ballpark, that i CAN truly Empathize with him. put myself in his place, cuz i’ve been there.

i mean he’s survived at Work for 2 years without having a nervous breakdown and quitting….right? and what if i’m wrong?

but yeah i would totally casually bang sluts with no rel. i dont WANT a rel with any women but HER. I WILL bang women with no committment, no luv. i will treat them in the casual way they are offering their pvssy up to be pounded by the most convenient dick. who cares. as long as i am not with her, nothing matters hahaha. well women at least. just pound the pvssy like a nihilist hedonist degenerate. thats fine and i am willing to do that if it helps me get more distance between me and HER, and gives me more confidence with women, and makes me less needy for women, or at least needy for HER.

so, if alcohol isnt gonna help you with women, i would say at least TRY using MJ as a tool to get sluts and skanks and white trash mudshark whores to give you casual secs. be like ayyy bae u wanna get h1gh ayyyyyy lets blaze it babay and then supply them with the expensive dank buds you have procured hahaha and then maybe they will throw themselves at you after they get st0ned hehehehe. of course good luck not acting WEIRD. so I would recommend that YOU not smoke so much at that time, and also take some benzos to chill you out. then just sit back like an ignra and say wahatever i dont care and give them an i dont care mentality. then you might be able to get dirty secs from dirty sluts who give it up to ANYBODY except for omega weirdo virgins who dont know how to talk 2 gurls hahaha.

so who are MEN supposed to go to for emotional support when THEY feel weak? you cant ask your wife or gf to do that, women are programmed naturally to LEAVE men who are emotionally needy like that. you have to support THEM.  give give give give give but god forbid you ever need someone to give to YOU.

really the best person a MAN can go to if he needs support like that, is his friends or family. really aint no shame for a 35 year old man to run crying to his mother, if he has that privilege.

or i heard a story about a 34 year old man with 2 young children, who himself had a cancerous lump in the testicle or something and he was understandably scared as shit, very emotional, crying, but he had to be careful not to cry in front of his wife and children, because god forbid the big strong man (he is a very big guy) looks weak in front of his wife and kids because he just found out he has CANCER. JESUS CHRIST.

i would be running crying like a baby to my mother and my bitch wife could LEAVE me if she wanted. leave you in the LURCH when you just got diagnosed with CANCER. JUST LIKE A WOMAN hahahahaha. ALL WOMEN ARE LIKE THAT. you can’t get assmad at it. NATURE programmed them that way. GOD programmed them that way. for a reason. for the reason that they are the Creators of New Life. so they can get away with being mercenaries for Strong Men, and leaving weak men with Cancer in the LURCH.

anyway. george mcfeels needs to cut his hair short and trim his beard short. the only way you can rock a long beard or long hair is if you have very strong confidence. if you don’t, it will just make you feel like more of a weirdo. believe me.

also delete any porn vidyas, AND porn pcitures, AND porn bookmarks. get rid of EVERYTHING on your computer and phone and whatever thats porn related whatsoever.

i am SO glad I did that. for a long time i had vowed against saving any files to the computer. that was one step forward, but i still saved bookmarks.

then one day i said fook this filth and deleted all the bookmarks. searched mercilessly for any and all bookmarks and baleeted them. this is what george mcfeels must do.

should he quit drinking? probably. but maybe it does give him some solace. shit sometimes I want to start drinking again! but then I think I’d much rather smoke weed hahahahaha. and also i can’t just drink alcohol. I just think about the shame of getting a damn DUI, shame for myself and family, then the thousands of dollars of fees, the god damn piss tests every week, i just never want to go through that again. the punishment was an effective deterrent in other words.

plus the 2 DUI club is alot different than the 1 DUI club. 3rd DUI is a felony and that is some bad shit. but there is a statute of limitations that is somewhat less than 10 years hehehehe.  doesnt mean the DUI’s go off your RECORD, just that you could get a 3rd DUI and have it not be a felony if its 10 years after the first hehehe.

if I were not an asshole who frequently drank and drove, and just sat and drank at home, well maybe I WOULD still be drinking. If I never got a DUI. but I was always driving after drinking. shit yeah that was stupid and downright EVIL.  that you think youre so much BETTER than everyone, that YOU can get away with this.  I really SHOULD have gotten busted a LOT earlier!

like oh ive driven with a Buzz hundreds of times, I’m pretty GOOD at it!

NOPE.

so yeah I am not worried about drinking again. I would do just about any drug rather than drink alcohol again. I would do HERON before alcohol hahahaha.

but mainly i just wanna smoke weed, but i have trouble getting it because i am an autistic lonely loner, also there’s nothing more shameful than smoking weed when you dont have a JOB hahahahaha.

i just wanna get a job fast so I can start smoking weed again SOON hahaha.

well i would also need to find a Source hehehe.

but i could and should ax this guy I see every week.

heh. you should BE THE TYPE OF MAN YOU WOULD WANT YOUR DAUGHTER TO MARRY hehehehe.

easier said than done. credit for that goes to some guy on a recent fatherland episode. I dont think it was jim or bradan, but either otto, salty seaman, or heidrich.

all good guys. even jim hahahahahahaha but jim is autistic as FOOK, i am amazed he is not a 37 year old VIRGIN hehehehe. but if he can get married and have a kid, so can ANYONE. not that he’s a bad guy and deserves a shitty wife. he’s a good guy and deserves a good wife. he’s just SO autistic and women have a REALLY hard time with the tism unfortunately. social awkwardness in general. hehehe maybe his basedwife is really UGLY hehehehehe. no i dont KNOW that.

i listened to foreveralonefeels for about 90 minutes. yeah he sounds tired and despairing but he has more of a sense of humor than i expected and was more likeable than i expected! he was not as bad as i expected! he has worked the same job for 10 years. i wanted him to talk more about that. he is 30 almost 31 now and i guess worked at the public library from age 20 onwards. which is great. i luv the library and would LUV to get a job at the liberry. I have ALERTS to email me the second there is a liberry job available because it is my kind of place.

but there is like 1 part time shelver job that opens per year in the whole state, paying 8.50 an hour for 20 hours a week hahaahaha.

shit all the liberrian jobs are part time and you need a MASTERZ degree for that. believe me i thought that might be a good masterz for me to get. but there are no liberrian jobs out there. i mean it is a SHITTY job market. SO shitty. not worth the 50 grand of getting the masterz degree. unless you are in the top 1% of your class. are you prepared to do that? be in the top 1-5%???? you better be, or you just wasted 50 grand at LEAST.

so….he doesnt give the details I think are really important. what job was he hired into? how many hours per week? job title? how much ya make? did you get ANY PROMOTIONS in TEN YEARS? you SHOULD get TWO promotions in that time at least.

so you live with your fam because you feel a sense of responsibility towards them and appreciate all they did raising you. i understand that completely. BUT do you really make enough MONEY to move out? how much money do you make now?

and I would understand if he doesnt want to say.

i guess his father is looking for a job and has been out of work a while and he goes on interviews and says the interviews go well…..and then he never hears back hehehe. kinda sounds like me. except my interviews dont go “REALLY WELL”, they just go ok. but you feel damn, they dont want to hire an OLD person who has been out of work for a LONG time. you have a STENCH about you.

i would have liked george to take more of that angle.

but he’s a pretty good guy, i would hang out with him, i was thinking about doing a Skype Talk with him ahahahahah.

took some nyquil.

anyway me and him would be good in the beta uprising. but this isnt betas. betas are normie nonvirgins with bitch wives. real neet virgins are OMEGAS hahaha.

anyway i hope he’s not a leftist atheist.

he also likes to go for walks and sometimes he tries to lose weight by going for a RUN. oh wow. good for him.

anyway i would luv to work at a liberry but its next to impossible to find a 14 dollar an hour fulltime job at a library!!! believe me, any job like that would be classified AAAAAAAA+++++++++++ and I would take an hour to make the best application ever.  how did HE get a job like that? which makes me wonder, maybe its just a mickey mouse littleboy part time 8 DAH job that he has. and thats the real reason he lives with his parents hahahahaha. cuz he makes less than 10k a year. thats not a real job!

but i dont judge that, I’ve been in similar positions. my previous job was something similar. and god how i miss it. no nervousness, no stress. but i could only get 25 hours a week and i was making like 9.75 an hour. that’s no job!!! but i loved it. I said DAMN I wish I could work at this 40 hours a week and make just a LITTLE more. like 11 or 12 bucks an hour. I would work here the REST OF MUH LIFE.

so yeah how many hours does he get, what does he make, has he ever been promoted, does he have supervisory POWER over anyone? could you imagine HIM being someone’s supervisor? itd be like ME being someones supervisor!!!!

but yeah i generally liked him and will continue listening. dont know how despairing he is, if he is taking any meds, etc.

also i have been out on “Dates” I guess with gurls. where we hung out, went to dinner, etc. but nothing like that since 2005 hahaha.

well i did hang out with one on one and go to lunch and dinner a lot of times with That Person. but they werent dates because we were not FOOKING hehehe.

its horrible how people can get so out of whack that to me, hugging or cuddling or kissing a woman is SUCH A BIG DEAL, and for some women, fooking (aka the life creation process) is NOT A BIG DEAL AT ALL.

and you feel sick when the person where you hugging them would be SUCH A BIG DEAL, that same person opens their life creator to randoms and its NO BIG DEAL AT ALL.

well I don’t have proof she is being a slut like that.

also she never really DUMPED a person before!!! I was the first major dumping of her whole life!!! she was too scared to deal with it, i can’t handle this, i can’t deal with this, so naturally you shut down, run away, and avoid dealing with it. you give up.

IVE DONE THIS BEFORE, just gave up on projects and shit. but never to a person who was calling out to me.

july 10

yeah I HAVE Just Freaked Out and Just Given Up. Ran Away. It’s EXACTLY what I did to my JOB. it’s the SAME thing she did to ME.

but not REALLY. because one thing was a JOB, the other was a PERSON. PEOPLE are (in theory, and in my opinion) more important than JOBS.

also when I quit the job I made SOME attempt to TALK to them. I didnt just walk out. I had 2 meetings with managers and tried to leave in as dignified and smooth a manner as possible. not just walking out and never coming back. NO CALL NO SHOW. she NO CALL NO SHOWED on me. on a PERSON. and

PEOPLE are more important than JOBS. in theory. cuz jobs dont have hearts that you can break.

on linkedin some comment said the real unemployment rate is not 5%, its closer to 40%, but the BLS is lying with statistics, and the journalists lying. all the employment is low paying seasonal temp part time jobs.

if you look at jobs that pay the average of 28k a year, uhhh of COURSHE the average is gonna be 50% unemployment. cuz in bell curves half of all people are below the average! average is a HIGH BAR to set!!!!!

you can’t have 95% of people get to the average! then you need to move the goalposts hahahaa. set a higher average.

really MY goal is just to be average. no more, more less. make the average american income of 28k a year.  14 dollars an hour.

no more, no less.

‘man cannot remake himself without suffering, for he is both the marble and the sculptor’

great quote from a comment on the most recent Forever Alone Feels vidya:

also some thoughts that LIFTING is about a MILLION times more effective than nofapping. will get you some easy pussy FAST. WHY ARE YOU NOT LIFTING. DO U EVEN LIFT BRO????

90 days to make something a habit. so LIFT for 90 DAYS and then you will be better. i guarantee it hehehehe.

I left him a brief comment on this vidya hahahaha. not the greatest comment. i dont think it will reach him. i agreed with a guy who recommended Fascism. Now FAF will probably be turned against Fascism, when it could help save him.

and now i cant edit it to add the shit about noporn.

oh well. i will probably give him a small dnation if i continue listening to him.

so yeah, noporn and fascism has been GREAT for me. well not great enough to get me a 14 DAH FT job or a tradwife, but i cant imagine my life without them, and i am very grateful for them.

illuminati? bilderberg group? bohemian grove? masons? come on! ITS DA J00Z, STUPID!!!!! da jooz makes SO MUCH MORE SENSE than the damn illuminati, when it comes to a Secret Society of Superpowerful Elites who Control The World.  Follow the Money to Find a bunch of superrich jooz. very simple. its not a damn CONSPIRACY. well not any deeper than one group trying to protect itself.

what kind of person lets their stupid yapping small dog outside at 4 in the morning on a sunday to bark and bark and bark so it can be heard in a 5 house radius, from 4 to 440 am? 5 minutes is one thing. FORTY minutes is another.

heh. people would PAY to make monster save more than 5 searches. so why wouldnt monster do this? PEOPLE ARE TRYING TO GIVE YOU THEIR MONEY BUT YOU WONT TAKE IT!!1!11!!

this type of nonsense infuriates me about companies. its just too expensive in the short term to do a project that would be ENORMOUSLY useful to your customers.

and in general its very difficult to work with your saved searches. you add them, then they dissapear, then they come back. you dont know if theyre there, or if they are working, and all you want is a damn email when company x posts a new job, which they post like 1 new job every 2 months at most. so you want to make sure yu dont MISS it. cause the company/org itself doesnt let you sign up for job alerts. because that would be too useful of a recruiting tool for them to find super motivated candidates hahahaha. SERIOUSLY!!!!!!

took 2.8 mile walk in bright midday sun on sunday to try to get max sun on pasty arms hehe.

i wonder if forever alone feels george is j00ish, cuz jooz are neurotic and emotional…..but they are also more successful and not usually virgins. he would have banged a jooish slut in college or joo camp or the JCC cuz joos are very clannish like that, its like one big incestuous family where you can bang your slutty 5th cousin removed hehehehe.

you can essentially arrange marriages and arrange jobs thru the wider jooish social network of the JCC. huhwhytes don’t have that, but they SHOULD. huhwhytes are more atomized and bowling alone, like FAF George. see “atomised” by houellebecq hahaha.

since george still drinks, I think he should ask one of these milfs out for DRINKS. then get them drunk and bang them. and of COURSH it will be disappointing. but at least get it over with. dont be like me. where you don’t have enough EXPERIENCE to pull actually DECENT women.

its a LOT easier to get rejected by worthless sluts, than to get rejected by DECENT women.

its the worst to get HARSHLY rejected by a decent woman.

of course, decent woman are more likely to try to be nice when they reject you…..but not all the time hahaha.

anyway i know george has never experienced that! and if he does, he will be sadder than he’s ever been!!

perhaps you should use Benzos as an Enhancer to other drugs. like I hear if you mix benzos and benedryl, you practically fall into a coma hahahahaha. no i am not encouraging this hahahaha. but benzos basically MULTIPLY whatever effect something else has. also benzos can make other things fatal. weird.

but yeah to a foreveralone, a mere HUG from a woman means SO much. when this means literally NOTHING to the normie women. they hug 6 gorillion people a day just to say hello or goodbye. it couldn’t mean LESS. so it’s two VERY, VERY, VERY different ways of experiencing the world. and secs is even worse, because women bring that same sense of casual, shallow meaninglessness to secs that they do to hugging.

WHY THEY GOTTA RUIN EVERYTHING. THEYRE RUINERS.

WOMEN ARE RUINERS hahahahaha.

MAN CANNOT REMAKE HIMSELF WITHOUT SUFFERING, FOR HE IS BOTH THE MARBLE AND THE SCULPTOR. 

that is so good. yes that will be a post title very soon.

http://www.brainyquote.com/quotes/authors/a/alexis_carrel.html

a quote from alexis carrel, french scientist i have never heard of. I HOPE he is not a J. well, that one quote at least is pretty huhwhyte.

heh. i am glad i am not on facebook, to see white people, white women, probably even HER, doing stupid facebook signalling about how evil and oppressive white cops are and how they deserve to be shot by black animals hahahaha. apparently thats what white people are doing “omg i can even things are really heated right now, i am scared about the way things are doing, we need to stop being so DIVISIVE and just LOVE NOT HATE and step back and LISTEN to Black Voices about Black Lives and what they are TRYING to TEACH us!!!!!”

cuz she was always anti-cop. but I wonder what she is saying about this stuff. WHOSE SIDE WILL SHE TAKE? I will never know. If I knew she were taking the antiwhite side, I would have an easier time writing her off.

but ideally, I would have been a Strong Man For Her, and Guided her down the Pro-White path, as all strong pro-white men do.

But yeah I am willing to Meet Up with Other Local White Racists. the horse is out of the barn. i have no use for spineless white cowards. who wont take their own side when the shit hits the fan. if anything SHOULD wake a person, its this police violence / police killing in dallas. Dallas should wake up a ton of white people, but it’s NOT, they’re just DOUBLING DOWN on laying down and letting themselves be killed. absolutely disgusting. i mean this is race treason. don’t be a fooking race traitor. god damn. i am sure if i were on facebook i would be TRIGGERED TO THE MOON with white Shitlibs falling all over themselves apologizing and flagellating. you’re THIRTY years old, how can you still be a stupid shitlib? Haven’t you Worked in the Real World long enough after college? but for some, nothing will EVER red pill them. also these people have probably been Professionally Successful and Middle Class ever since leaving college, so they never HAVE to be redpilled or blackpilled.

and i think i had a chance at redpilling her, that she might have been open to Race Reality, but like all women, she needs a smart strong man to guide her. and maybe some other lucky white racist man will make her his aryan waifu and have white babies with her.

but who knows. maybe she became a full black lives matter anticop antiwhite race traitor mudshark. i kinda hope she DOES, as punishment for being so cold and callous to me.

i mean i basically TRUSTED her to NOT leave me in the lurch. trusted her to give it to me straight and not leave me hanging.

its okay to be an antiracist antiwhite leftist when you are 18-21 but after 25, it is absolutely inexcuseable. a leftist after age 25, i mean a white leftist, is absolutely pathetic.

nonwhites, fine, I can totally see why they would be leftists. because the left IS antiwhite.

and white cops shooting black thugs is making whites say IM SO SORRY FOR BEING WHITE. we whites are so problematic. we must mix this original sin out of us. police DESERVED what they got in dallas. they brough it on themselves, and they are also Symbolic of Systemic Racism and how Whites Oppress Blacks with White PRivilege.

so whites double down on this shit. day of the rope for these traitors. if you’re over 25 you have no excuse.

this thread overwhelmingly suggests jcpenney over “crappy” places like mens wearhouse or jos a bank if you are wanting to get a decent suit for the Frugal Man. JCPENNEY. I am getting closer and closer.

i mean the next woman i “date” will probably be some slut who i take out for drinks to get drunk and then she fooks on the first or second date and then I do that, am disappointed and disgusted, and certainly not the type of woman i’d want for the mother of muh children! but i guess i should get as many bangs out of her as possible and maybe even try to dump the woman, so i can get experience dumping a woman hahahaha.

course many sluts will have drunken secs with you once or twice, then just avoid you altogether.

avoiding is a typically womanly way of not dealing with shit. tons of women everywhere throw men away by just avoiding them cold turkey. she is certainly not the first or the last. tons of women do this. women are TERRIBLE at actually dealing with anything.

i expected this type of childish behavior from some average trashy slut……NOT HER.

i mean she was a WOMAN who i ACTUALLY GOT ALONG WITH, and DIDNT HATE hehehehehe.

ME. the worlds biggest woman-hater, actually getting along with a WOMAN, like a human being, really WELL. can you believe it? THATS why this was so SPECIAL. THATS why you cant throw it away like trash. that, and because people and relships ARENT TRASH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! DONT TREAT THEM LIKE TRASH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! when you do it can cause a LOT OF PAIN!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

psychic pain hahahaha. psychological damage hahahaha.

same thing with secs. yeah it can be very pleasureable (supposedly) but it also has the potential to cause a LOT OF PAIN, and also has the potential to CREATE NEW LIFE, so

BE VERY VERY VERY VERY VERY CAREFUL WITH IT. CAREFUL, NOT CARELESS AND CASUAL.

CARE FULL. FULL.

this is how you have to talk to these bitches hahahaha. just totally mansplain in no uncertain terms. they NEED a man to mansplain very simple things.

yeah getting a proper suit would DEFINITELY be a good confidence booster, even moreso than getting a short haircut.

i may never have children of my own because i may never find a woman i luv who is willing to have muh babies, and yes that is sad. i mean i dont want to have babies with any white slut. well, ok i will maybe do that when I am 70 hahahaha. and i will leave a ton of videos and stuff for the children. vidyas for muh heirs haha.

but say some ugly slut falls in luv with me (hasnt happened yet, hahaha), should I just SETTLE and say this is the best im gonna get, thsi woman is WILLING to have my children, so i should do it?????

i dont WANT to have children with a woman I don’t luv the way I luved HER.

just like I dont WANT to get a masterz degree hahahahaha.

dont WANT to get a job in a call center.

I can try to support white children in other ways. like the creepy bachelor uncle who never had kids of his own haha.

besides, its very likely i’ll never make enough MONEY to take care of CHILDREN, let alone MYSELF!

so yeah feels bad man hahahaha.  no man wants to feel like half a man like that!

but yeah its a bad feel when the woman you wanted to be the mother of your children would rather suck ingra dicks than show you a shred of mercy! yeah this will take much closer to 2 years than 1 year to get over.

its already been 1 year and I can say things are WAY better! this shit youre seeing right now, THATS “WAY” better!

me whining about her in every poast and hating all women! that is actually honestly way better than it was. it really is. cuz now i am much better about applying for jobs, going to interviews, and yeah I really DO think about her a little less.

but yeah i am very cynical and hateful and nihilistic too. except for muh race and muh 14 sacred words. but i dont particularly luv white women either, other than you need them for white tradfams and white babies. but i still think they are jooed as fook, and kinda inferior. i am assmad at them. but i appeciate that they are the only ones who can make white babies, so we kinda NEED them.

women give up and run away from shit ALL THE TIME. you think I am the only person who has been dumped this way? every guy has been dumped this way, probably several times, and every woman has DONE this to a guy, probably several times.

this is how BAD women are at COMMUNICATION. they throw people away rather than communicate with them. yet they are TEXTING ALL DAY with their face in their phones. they communicate ALL DAY EXCEPT when it REALLY MATTERS, then they clam up and run away like bitches.

and my case is WORSE because we were NOT just Fooking for a few weeks after meeting on a Dating/Fooking Website. we were real friends who got along with each other very well because we had a lot in common. so yeah that makes it morally worse, and it makes the PAIN worse.

just saying hahahaha.

you shouldnt fook guys you just met. but if you offer it, dont be surprised when guys take you up on it, and dont be surprised when guys dont consider you dating material. yet STILL women will dump the guys! talk about flipping the script! and the guys are so desperate that they will consdier sluts as dating material! and then get dumped quickly after the sluts quickly offer secs!