COMMON COURTESY IS A REASONABLE EXPECTATION

sept 14

i dont WANT an EXPLANATION of WHY, I already know WHY, that’s nothing. I jsut wanted to be treated nicer, like a human being, like i mattered, like our Rel mattered, like it was an important rel between two human beings. sheeeeeit i already know WHY. the WHY is not important. I just wanted more kindness and gentleness and less ice coldness hahahaha. treat me and our Past Rel with DIGNITY.

i dont are about why. i already KNOW why. case closed. i just wanted to know what she was thinking regarding hurting me. did you really WANT to HURT me? and WHY was THAT?

other thing: besides being humiliated on a personal level, i felt humiliated on a woring level: i failed at this job, while she succeeded at the same job. She could handle it, I couldn’t. She’s moving up, I’m moving down. I cant handle REAL LIFE as good as her. She is a winner, i am a loser, and losers like me dont deserve to associate with winners like her. and maybe thats why she rejected me so brutally on a personal level. because i was just inferior scum in every conceivable way. i was like the slimiest, most scheming little sleazy greasy joo to her.

and i think abotu how women Botch Relationships and Emotioanlly Overreact (I screwed up TOO but she screwed up WAY more), and I think, how the hell can women do JOBS and make 13 dollars an hour??? you need to make GOOD decisions! you need to have a record of excellence! you need to communicate clearly and decisively! women cant do this shit! they are like a 50 foot baby with a flamethrower! how can they be mature enough to handle a 13 an hour job, LET ALONE a 20 dollar an hour job??!?!?!?!!?!?!?!?

she never made flashcards! she never looked at old cases! she never studied when she went home! she never did homework! yet i failed and she succeeded! I wanted to know how shit worked, she just said idk lol! and got a man to help her! and she is the winner and i am the loser at life! FOOK THAT SHIT!!!! FOOK THIS GAY EARTH.mov

maybe i should embrace hating women like i embracing being a racist.

so i thought, well i dont even HATE other races, i just dont think races can coexist all that well. but women of my own race annoy the shit out of me just as much or even more than people of other races!

and this is not good, i thought. it jsut doesnt feel like something natural or sustainable the way being a racist feels pretty natural. i dont really WANT To hate women in other words.

also, for a man like me who wants so much to be a father and have children…..i dont think its a good idea for a Good Father to HATE WOMEN!!!!!!!

Good Fathers don’t hate women, they get along with women and teach their children how to get along with women!

so yeah in order to level up to pull good women, i need to learn how to deal with low level trash women on okcupid hahahaha.

i guess muh goals in life were never specific enough. find a nice gf. that became find a nice gf and make her muh waifu. as i got older. then that became have children with the waifu. and also get a 13 dollar an hour job with benefits and weekends off that doesnt drive me crazy. that is all.

maybe GOD is not calling me to be a father though. or even to be married. some people are called to be SINGLE 4 LYFE. Its just very weird though. cuz some of my biggest goals were to be married, have children. now GOD is telling me that i’m WRONG??!?!?! these arent horrible ungodly things! GOD LUVS marriage and family and so do I!!!!!!

but maybe  this is not what GOD has meant for me and my life. which is frustrating, because, like i just said, god LUVS marriage and family!

so i thought that well, maybe i’m supposed to be single and childless and I can still support marriage and family by…..doing marriage and family related work. it just seems frustrating though. that all these people can get married, have families and children, some of them are totally shitty too. and i’m meant to SUPPORT families, but i’m not allowed to have a family myself? it sounds CRUEL and SADISTIC!!!! like TORTURE!!!!! God doesnt just TEST us, he TORTURES us!!!!!!!! why the hell CANT I have a family?

well, besides I am totally not ready for it. but i really should be at this age. I mean realistically i have too many ISSUES to be a husband and father. unfortunately. but its the truth.

also, i want to know if i did something terrible, SO I DONT DO IT AGAIN IN THE FUTURE!!!!!!!

i dont want to fook things up this bad again!!!!!!

but again thats an unknown. most likely i didnt do anything horribly wrong, like lie or cheat where i really AM the bad guy at fault. sometimes that shit DOES happen. sometimes it IS your fault.  sometimes you ARE the bad guy.

it would have almost been better if she said YOUR THE BAD GUY, THIS IS ALL YOUR FAULT.

heh. maybe.

i hate making mistakes, but i might hate NOT KNOWING if i made a mistake or not even MORE!

i mean if i ever get feelings for a friend again, i WILL handle it differently, namely, tell them assertively and quickly.

oh yeah. when women think “ALL GUYS LOOK AT PORN.”

WRONG! so yeah that is triggering. they havent met me yet! I dont look at porn because it is jooish filth that ruins women and men! poisons the mind and soul!!!! i actively do NOT watch porno and can’t imagine wanting to watch it EVER AGAIN!!!!!! its DISGUSTING!!!!!!!!

applied for 5th job today. army related job. administering asvab tests hahahaha. 15 an hour. found out it was casual/intermittent, meaning no benefits. sheeeeeeeeeeeeeeit. thats the whole reason to get a fedgov job!

well i did not see that until i was 80% done with the grueling 16 minute application hahahaha.

NOTE: the first time you apply for a USAJOBS job, it will take MUCH longer to build your superresume, get all your shit together etc.

all guys do not look at porn, just the manly men you date hahahahaha

omega male sex negative neets think porn is disgusting degeneracy hahahahaha but we are invisible to women so…..

Women SHOULD be CAUTIOUS, they can get PREGNANT!!!!!

BE MORE CAUTIOUS! SHOW MORE CAUTION! DISCRETION!

how can someone with the maturity level of a CHILD make an ABOVE AVERAGE INCOME???? make WAY MORE THAN ME?

also it sucks when they are much more mature with other people, and super immature with you.

then you wonder, what did I do, so I don’t do it again!

but what you did was not super duper offensive, but just basic bitch communication mistakes.

besides, if you are doing something SUPER wrong, like lying or cheating…….you usually KNOW it, and you think, welp, I can GET AWAY with this, they’ll never find out. nothing like that here.

TEN dollar an hour job where posting calls for EIGHTY wpm typing. i have 60.

EIGHTY words a minute for TEN dollars an hour. 

wtf?

113 people applied, so i should apply too hehehehe.

i have a great SUPPORT SYSTEM, so why the hell am i so insecure and unstable and struggling and on the edge?

i have to remember, i dont hate all women. this woman i see at my weekly game, she is very nice and good and i like her and she doesnt annoy me. when i first met her, she kind of annoyed me a little but now i totally appreciate and like her. too bad i am not in luv with her hahahaha. i really didnt have any of that interest in her. not a slut either. darn near asexual which was starting to become weird…..but in the past few years she met a good decent man and they are getting married. pretty much a perfect situation there. he is pretty masculine and not a niceguy wimp pvssy like me, but i get the idea that he has morals and was not a degen womanizer at any point.

separate website for FBI jobs, they are not posted on USAJOBS………i dont think.

ok applied for gs05, 32k level job with air force. it specialist hahahahaha. now this is more like it. there are some fedgov bennies hahahaha. however no specific openings at my local air force base. might never be an opening hhehehe.

ok 6 jobs for today hehehe good enough.

well 7 would be better but i am getting back on the horse. i mean SHEEEEEEEIT, i might have to get to 600 jobs. at 600 i will start sucking dicks for recruiters until i become blacklisted by every recruiter in town. there are a lot of recruiters in town! sometimes it seems there are more recruiters than nonrecruiters hahahaha.

anyway im saying it would take MANY YEARS for me to burn through every recruiter in town.

but yeah it bothers me that a person can be more successful than me yet be a lot more immature than me…..and i am pretty immature.

also, i was the one putting myself out there. she wasnt really putting herself out there at all. she COULD HAVE. in the sense that it would have took some agency and initiative to Respond to the Request, and say Listen, I’m Not Interested, Let’s End this in a good way.

but no she just shut down entirely.

i did not shut down entirely regarding HER.

i did kinda shut down regarding my job and my life.

but its impossible to communicate or deal with a person who SHUTS DOWN.

basically, she shut down, I didnt. I was begging her not to shut down.

yeah, i shouldnt have BEGGED…….but jeez. if someone is begging you, just humor them. i dunno. ive never had anyone BEG me before. I imagine i would write them an email hahahahha.

SHE SHUT DOWN, I DIDNT.

you cant do anything with someone who shuts down. cant communicate, cant make the best of a bad situation. shutting down is abotu the worst communication there is. i did bad communication but not this bad. i didnt shut down.

how can SHE make more money than me and be more successful at life than me???!?!?!?!?!

and in relships too. she had a 4 year relship that could have resulted in marriage. i have never had a long term monog committed rel with a woman, ever.  that in itself is a damn red flag to women, and i have to damn lie about it essentially, or just avoid talking about it.

but i also feel like i havent been given a fair CHANCE. give me a CHANCE and dont GIVE UP and WALK OUT on me. im not THAT bad!!!!!!!! i honestly believe that! im not perfect but im not THAT bad!!!!!!!

i dont SHUT DOWN. I’ll write you a longass email before I shut down. Or leave you a 5 minute voice mail of me rambling. i will tell you whats on my mind in great detail!!!!!!!!! look at this blog!!!!!!

http://www.theabsolute.net/misogyny/onwomen.html

dont look for a redpilled woman, you wont find a decent one. just find a nice decent wholesome woman who has not taken too many dix and you can make her redpilled.

i have known this for a while, i am very comfortable being the red pill person hahahaha. just want a wholesome, moral, decent, nice, woman, thats all.

fook politics, fook redpills, fook race, fook music, fook taste, fook coolness. dont sweat the small stuff hehehe.

she will prove her race loyalty simply by not being interested in fooking nonwhites. and OF COURSE she WILL say something like “but Im not racist, i swear!” im not so autistic any more that I want a woman to say “yes Im proud to be a racist!” for a woman, thats just WEIRD!!!!!!!!!!! for a man, its pretty cool tho.

its very similar to when i was young, i thought it would be so cool to find a waifu who liked METAL. now im smart enough to know that would be a fooking clusterfook. it would be similar to find a full on 1488 waifu. they would prob be bipolar, borderline, and fooking ingras in 6 months.

note: i don’t think That Woman was Over the line crazy like that. she was acceptable levels of normie female crazy. she just greatly disappointed me is all. she is still way less evil than average. a good person who did something very disappointing to me. shit i would take her back in an instant hahahahaha.

i mean women are just not good at making real world judgments and doing things in the real world. yet they make shitloads more money at jobs in the real world. when they have no real SKILL in the real world! i mean when it comes to SERIOUS shit in the real world,  you’d be a fool to trust a woman! they jsut dont have it! and i dont say that to be mean! its just the way it is! its just not a good match for them! their skill set is elsewhere! namely, raising children. and heres the thing, that can of course be extremely compromised as well. in the current year. so many times it appears that many women are good for absolutely NOTHING.

i mean many women in the real world are literally good for absolutely nothing. its sad and horrifying and it didnt have to be that way.

and that woman, she was not one of those worthless women. like i say, i hurts a lot more to be rejected by the good, decent women. those are the ones that take longest to get over. because something of great value was lost. as opposed to something of no value. or negative value hahahaha.

i guess i should meditate on this real life woman i know who is not a piece of garbage, but actually a decent, good, wholesome, moral person. nope she is not redpilled, nope she is not politically minded, yes she likes the worst music and tv shows and movies ever.  but she has good morals, has lived according to those morals, and would make a good wife and mother. perfect. i am not attracted to her but i wish I were. well actually not, because she is getting married and good for them i say. its about time. really she’s getting married a little late at like age 29 or 30, but better late than never in her case.

so whenever i think of That Woman, i should replace her with thoughts of This Woman. Yes.

and i dont think even if you cut muh balls off it would even help. my secsual libido is not the problem. its loving people who are gone, unavailable, and never luved me.

ok want to get in at least 2 applications before my afternoon powerwalk hahaha.

ok got in 3 but they were so low energy. local shitty hospital using ultipro ATS. it kinda incentivizes low energy applications. 3 to 5 minutes each. can only have one resume/packet on there at a time. ideally this is ideal, and employers wouldnt care if you only took 3 minutes on an app vs 30 minutes. but of course they do. and if you spend only 3 minutes, you will get screened out.

yeah tv is really triggering. i usually have it on as background noise……..but i really SHOULDNT. this is not a value added strategy hahahaha.

got 3 apps in real quick. the jobs.com site said full time but 2 were ACTUALLY part time. i dont think this is intentional. i think it is just basic incompetence from whoever manages the jobs.com postings. basic bitch not knowing how to do your job so you just Fudge It and pretend like you know what youre doing…..even though you have no idea of best practices. this is very common. this is the norm hahahaha. norm 4 normies. normies gonna norm hahahahaha.

ok time for powerwalk.

ok did 4.18 mile pwalk. listened to azzmador talking with grandpa lampshades.

ok this isnt the exact one but i should listen to this one.

they are both total laid back southern gentlemen, i have difficulty telling them apart hahahaa except azzmador has a slightly deeper voice. but i love this laid back, polite, friendly, southern hospitality.

very j00 wise alt right type guys who each do their own podcasts but not on trs. but i am sure they approve of trs. they are not renegade tier or anything hahahahaha.

heh. if i am going to have children i cant afford, i might as well do that with some woman i am madly in luv with and would never want to leave hahahaha. of course she could veyr well want to leave me!

because honestly i cant EVER imagine being ABLE to afford children!

heh. i could probably smoke MJ all day, then take the next 2 days off, and then my system would be clear to pass a drugs test. thats pretty good right?

ok how about 3 days.

really the best think i can do is powerwalking hahaha. i wish i was as good about lifting. but powerwalking is my strength, muh skill set, and i want to be the best powerwalker i can be hahaha.

the other thing i naturally do is writing this trash……………… and tbh the powerwalking is a lot BETTER FOR ME.

the writing CAN be good SOMETIMES but it can EASILY go both ways.

the walking cannot. the walking is ALWAYS good. cant go wrong. win win.

these women are NIHILISTIC and SOCIOPATHIC. the horrible lives they lead. the empty, shallow relationships. the things they value. MORAL INVERSION. NIHILISTIC and SOCIOPATHIC. treating people like OBJECTS.

i have been antsy since not having an interview is a while. and i am at 18.5 and i need to get to at LEAST 25. meaning 19, 20, 21, 22, 23, and 24 are all gonna be worthless. other than getting me one closer to magic 25.

but 25 isnt magic! like i say, on the whole, i feel i do PRETTY GOOD on interviews! i mean i dont SLAM DUNK it, but i still feel i do well enough to get an offer before 25!

bridget jones baby? a 50 year old slut with tons of grotesque plastic surgery creating a miserable innocent life out of her 50 year old adolescent sluttery? absolutely disgusting! if i didnt have the tv on i would never have seen that bullshit movie commercial!

women cannot give good advice basically. if you ever need HELP with figuring something out, god forbid you go to a woman. they might mean well, but my god they cannot give good advice. they MIGHT mean well though. that does count for something. but dear god dont take their awful advice. what makes /r/relships so shitty is all the WOMEN chiming in with their shitty advice. i need a MEN ONLY forum. but not necessarily a MGTOW or got forbid GAME forum. but 99% of Men Only forums are going to be MGTOW, MRA, or Game.

well, not TRS though. but TRS doesn’t have a relationship section. but they should hahahahaha.

MAYBE I SHOULD START IT hahahahaha.

I think it would go over better than me starting a Neet Section.

but I DO like having a Neet Blog which is very Alt Right!

like women will tell you that college and career is more important than a rel, and encourage people to break up just because theyre YOUNG and those early relships NEVER work out, you have a chance for a great FUTURE by getting into a Top 50 school, so just break up with so and so even though u luv them. bullshit advice like that.

women are so BLUE PILL on things like college. they were encouraging another woman who had left a 45k a year job so she could go back to COLLEGE and become a TEACHER. holy SHIT.  thats exactly the kind of bad advice women give. because you’ll be so glad you got your teaching degree and now make 20k a year with part time sub jobs and no health care. babysitting feral black chirren.

https://bu.reddit.com/r/relationships/comments/52xouc/recently_my_girlfriend_20_f_and_i_19_m_of_25/

not a lot of commentary right now. but i want more people to say yeah she is really an ice cold bitch, not “it doesnt matter, youre not entitled to anything.” no, of course he’s not, but IT WOULD BE NICE if she could DIGNIFY A 3 YEAR RELSHIP by not meeting these sleazy new friends, staying up till 6 am, going on tinder right in front of him. show some COURTESY for the HEART you are breaking and the Long Term Relationship you are Single Handedly Ending, I would tell her.

dont tell him “its over, get over it.”

yes of COURSE he should go no contact but give him some moral support at least. damn. judge her behavior as shitty and sleazy!!!!!!! judge her as the bad guy here!!!!!! because she is!!!!!!!!!!!

now i dont talk too much shit about That Woman. Sometimes sure. but not overall. most of this is just me grieving and moaning and whining. but i can’t say what a shitty person she was…….because she wasnt. she was honestly a good decent wholesome person who just dropped the ball here and disappointed me greatly. but it wasnt because she was a shitty, horrible person. she just fight or flight and shut down. she could be a great wife and mother to a different man.

ok i turned off the tv and am listening to beethovens 1st symphony. not sure why. just wanted some classical music symphony fast. something that wasnt too jooish. and that is a symphony.

she doesnt NEED to consider your feelings. again, technically correct, but to tell the guy that…..that is weak womanly advice. no, she doesnt need to, but she SHOULD, after 2-3 YEARS, show him some god damn COMMON COURTESY.

COMMON COURTESY IS A REASONABLE EXPECTATION.

https://bu.reddit.com/r/relationships/comments/52wdvu/i_31m_am_having_an_extremely_hard_time_moving_on/

she wants to be just friends, he thinks he needs to go no contact and cant do just friends because she broke up with him and he still wants her. he sees her at bar, is drunk, gets emotional, now he’s the bad guy. come on. meanwhile she’s tweeting about fooking strangers off tinder. god damn. so he’s supposed to be cool with the love of his life dumping him and fooking randos. and hes the bad guy for getting upset once. come on.

COMMON COURTESY from the woman is a reasonable expectation. not tweeting about EVIL DEGENERATE NIHILISTIC SOCIOPATHIC casual secs and being a filthy, degenerate whore. he has every right to be upset. yes he should go no contact.

so yeah. whatever happened to common courtesy. human decency. early termination fee. treat the person youre dumping with respect and kindness because THIS HURTS THEM.

casual secs IS unqualifiably degenerate, and she wants to throw away something good and wholesome, to do degenerate filth. of course he has a right to be upset.

at the very least she shouldn’t be pushing him to be friends, to understand that he is hurt, and needs no contact.

what did SHE do when Chad dumped her? probably some really shameful things trying to get chad back! and then fooked a bunch of casuals when chad laughed in her face!

now she’s pissed at the guy SHE dumped because he’s having a hard time with it? what a fookin coont!!!!!

and when this bitch on reddit says yeah you did act like an asshole, he responded with yeah i know i feel so bad about it, i know i should apologize to her etc etc. i downvoted the bitch hahaha.

common courtesy. human decency. part of the social contract of having a relship is NOT BEING A PIECE OF SHIT WHEN YOU END THE REL.

HAVING THE RIGHT TO SINGLE HANDEDLY END THE REL SHOULD COME WITH THE RESPONSIBILITY OF NOT BEING A PIECE OF SHIT WHEN YOU END IT. 

so many women didnt get that memo. too immature.

and i dont care if i am making a should statement. THIS SHOULD BE A SHOULD STATEMENT!!!!!

STAND FOR SOMETHING OR YOU WILL FALL FOR ANYTHING.

STAND UP FOR WHATS RIGHT, GOOD, JUST, TRUE, AND BEAUTIFUL.

DONT BE A PIECE OF SHIT.

DONT BE A NIHILISTIC SOCIOPATH.

DONT BE A JOO.

now that is the type of lecturing i can support!

i would be a great lecturer. sermonizer.

oh but they broke up 4 months ago so everybody should be KEWL, thats plenty of time to get comfortable with the love of your life dumping you, without willing to work on it, and fook randoms, and youre the bad guy to get upset at that and not want to be her platonic friend and hear about her degen secs life. god damn fooking degenerates. i am this close to private messaging the guy and telling him he is totally in the right and not to listen to that bitch that said “he definitely fooked up”. fook that bitch!

RELATIONSHIP BILL OF RIGHTS AND RESPONSIBILITIES.

you HAVE to include the Ending Terms in their too.

THE ENDING IS PART OF THE RELATIONSHIP.

so yeah it IS her concern, it IS her business. if she can end it on her whim, then she has to put forth good faith, good will, and effort to do the WORK necessary to end it at her whim. and that involves human decency, common courtesy, and not being a piece of shit. wow. i guess if you ask for that, then you are the bad guy.

you’re the bad guy if you think casual secs is degenerate and bad and a terrible way to finish off a beautiful LTR.

cuz its all the same, theres no good or bad or right or wrong.

and this is 30 year old people with professional careers, level 2 and above making 60k a year, saying all this disgusting shit.

FOOK THIS GAY EARTH!

and she has NO IDEA why the guy is upset! unbelievable! a 29 year old woman with the maturity of a 12 year old and she makes more money than i ever will!!!! unbelieveable!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!11

TREAT PEOPLE THE WAY YOU WANT TO BE TREATED!!!

DUMP PEOPLE THE WAY YOU WANT TO BE DUMPED!!!!!

how can all these WOMEN not even BEGIN to understand that????!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!

no not all women. but a good 50% of them hahahahaha.

half of them are in this basket of deplorables hahahahahaha

its amazing you have to shout these Things I Learned In Kindergarten to Grown Fooking Women.

well remember its not all women. only HALF of women, hahaha.

oh but the ending isnt part of the relationship, these sneaky little j’s claim. i dont have ANY responsibilities the second i say “im done” and walk out.

that is an extremely JOOISH view of humanity and human relations. all these sneaky little loopholes, just like a joo trying to joo you out of service. sorry goy thats not in the contract. here’s the thing, there is no real contract. no exchanges, no refunds, no service, thanks for the money, chump!

theyve turned our women into sneaky little joos!!!!!!

i dont want to talk to women, i dont want to read womens stupid thoughts. the only time i will listen to a woman is if she is being NICE and PLEASANT. women CAN be good at that when they want to be. having just utterly harmless, charming, nice small talk, just being damn NICE. its really not that hard. doesnt take a lot of effort, energy, or creativity. just be nice. dont be an annoying, unscrupulous joo.

sept 2016: i keep hearing hearsay that millennial woes got a ladyfriend and that it is makign him more confident and masculine. I HOPE SO!!! GOOD FOR YOU LAD!!!!!!

I luv MW but havent listened to him lately cuz i dont luv the hangouts. anyway i would be VERY happy if he got a nondegen waifu, he DESERVES a good waifu, and indeed it would help him become an even better man…..as waifus can potentially do. shit it would help ME!

sept 16

yeah so i dont care that mw had a gay past, except that it makes him kinda neurotic and despairing and has consequences for his current mental/emo health, but he can certainly mitigate those consequences, and i believe he has done that. now i just hope his gf isnt a degen bitch who dumps him and breaks his heart because that could really set him back. i know. hahahahaha. remember he also fell in luv with a WOMAN before and when she rejected him, that broke his heart for YEARS and that hurt him a LOT. ive been there hahahaha.

i mean yeah this is what i am obsessed with. muh white whale. muh wheelhouse. relships between men and women. period. that is what i should do my career in. period.

so funny. for most normies this is just an accepted part of life. you get a gf and bang and sometimes it works out and sometimes it doesnt, but you just keep going until at age 25 you find someone you could probably marry and then you marry them, have children, and maybe they divorce you in 5-10 years.

but theres no need to study and obsess and analyze because you know you have the tools to be in a serious LTR because you’ve been in them before or you’re in one now!

since i have never been, i just don’t know that i have the Tools. and that is part of my obsession, studying How Women Are, and How Men Are, and the nuts and bolts of communication, problem solving etc.

when REALLY, i probably ALREADY HAVE the Tools i need, i just havent found the right woman. who is willing to let me use those tools hahaha.  because they were never WILLING. they were not OPEN, they just wanted to WALK AWAY. because they Just Werent That Into Me. but it they WERE, then I would have the Tools and the Communication Skills to make it last at least a year!

but yeah these normie women are like ROBOTS. date a guy, fook him, fall in “luv”, get some abortions, fall out of luv, dump him, and IMMEDIATELY start the whole process again with a new guy. it sounds both EXHAUSTING and DISGUSTING. how can you do that? how can people be so interchangeable to you? how can this “closeness” be so casual and meaningless????!!?!?! its NIHILISTIC AND SOCIOPATHIC!!!! and exhausting and disgusting hahaha and grotesque and horrifying, very blackpill.

but maybe IM the fooked up one because i take this shit too SERIOUSLY!!!!! and when i get heartbroken it takes TWO YEARS to get over them! whereas with NORMIES it takes 2 months before they are fooking other degens!

hehehehe i luv muh waifus literally TWELVE TIMES more than normie degen women luv their men!!!!!

but yeah it makes me think that normie degens incl half of women just dont Luv People the same way I do. or at least at much less of an intensity. And when the difference in Degree is Twelvefold, it may as well be a difference in Kind!!!! a different kind of luv!!!!!!!!

and how do you have a real sustainable LTR when you luv them TWELVE TIMES more than they luv you??!?!?!

that gives them absolute power over you and spells IMMINENT DOOM for the rel. period. they WILL leave you and you WILL be devastated for the next 2 years. what a terrible way to LIVE hahahaha.

basically i need to find another WEIRDO whos luv meter is turned way up to 12 in order to have a lasting thing where i dont get dumped because a huge interest mismatch!!!!

heh all this is not productive writing at all. it is pretty much a nonstop circle of Negative Thoughts. and i need to Rip Out negative thoughts and replace them with positive thoughts, by any means necessary.

even at the expense of Truth!

like how i should replace all thoughts of That Woman with This Other Woman I know who is very very nice and wholesome and is getting married soon. just cut and paste. i should also cut and paste with some sort of positive replacement to the negative thoughts that FILL this blog.

powerwalking is good.

well, not ALL of this post is bad!

WHEN I AM MAKING SERMONIZING STATEMENTS LIKE THIS, those are usually pretty good. even the righteous anger ones. there is nothing inherently negative about righteous anger!

despair, however, yes. that is INHERENTLY BAD.

righteous anger good. despair bad.

so, when i am going into despair or other negative realm, then switch it with something positive: thinking of this wholesome woman, statements of righteous anger, powerwalking, or something productive like Job Searching. cranking out the Apps. getting closer to 500-600. how about 550 hahahahahaha.

job apps themselves cause both righteous anger (good) and despair (bad.) i guess the solution there is, once again, maximize the good and minimize the bad.

turn the brain from a negative thought machine, to a negative thought killing machine!!!!!

so here is a remaster of ulvers classic nattens madrigal. i dont usually like remasters and i dont have anything against the intentionally raw production of the original, which is really not that bad………BUT my concern is literally for hearing and ear health. you could literally damage your hearing with this album, even though it is actually very clear in terms of being able to comprehend and ingest the music. and is quite listenable!

but that high end is just so maxed out that it hurts the ear. i feel this 2014 remaster might be a bit more forgiving while jsut as listenable.

its also got demo versions of some of the tracks which is great. the demos sound great EXCEPT they dont have any vocals, and garm was truly a gifted BM singer.

it just sucks thinking that all of your life goals:  getting a good waifu, having children, and having a job to support that family that doesnt drive you to self-destructive madness, that all these goals are out of your reach. the best you can hope for is a 12 dollar an hour deadend job and then you get your outside-of-work satisfaction by smoking MJ, powerwalking, listening to podcasts and music, and dnating to 1488 causes. which are not bad things, well probably the MJ is, but you just cant stop thinking about the nice waifu and the family you want to have, but youre just too old and fooked up to be able to attain that.

ok stop those are despairing thoughts, lets replace them with righteous anger or job seraching or powerwalking or other positive thoughts or actions.

well i just came back from a 4.2 miles powewalk. listened to natt’s alcoholocaust ep 1 which wasnt as good as i expected. its just a mess and i cant even understand the bantz. i mean these are all good guys but still.

garm was 20 years old when they did nattens madrigal damn. now did he actually write the guitar riffs and such? i mean that is pretty important to me hahahaha. or was it that guy haavard who went on to do nothing special afterwards? i am sure garm knows how to handle a guitar, its really not hard, the important thing is having some sense of songwriting skill, which i never really had, and which i am sure he does.

ok i am gonna apply to this health system job, and while doing so, update my cover letter, which will add about 15 minutes or 10 to the apply time, but i have to measure this WORK somehow. because it is important, measureable, billable, measureable, timeable work that I am totally entitled to COUNT.

un fooking believeable. a super huge application, already at 45 minutes, longest ever, doing a phaggy ass personality test and intelligence test, when the internet goes out in the middle of the test. i am actually happy to do intelligence tests to prove that i am intelligent, and if it gives me like a 1 in 10 chance of getting an interview (as opposed to the usual 1 in 25 chance)….but god damn this is frustrating.

had to reboot compt to get internet connected again. i blame windows 10. 77 minutes total. a new record!

ok. assuming 15% of the job application time could be added to calculated how much time it takes to FIND the jobs (ie, going through lists, reading postings, and decided yes i should apply, vs, no way, dont even waste your time), in other words, about 2 minutes for every 13 minute application, ie 15 minutes total; and 1.5 hours spent on each interview (prob a little low tbh; we are including travel time, interview time, and im not sure about prep/study time), for 18.5 interviews, and 418 applications, we are up to  132 hours total for the entire job search. really a little LOW tbh fam. on $1716 worth of time at $13 an hor, although more realistically my price should be more like 12 an hour.

sorry i meant 419 jobs so far. please dont fire me.

so i was listening to the am grey podcast on feminism, and adams waifu said she was disturbed seeing a man and a woman holding hands where the womans hand was on top, and they used that as a powerful symbol that men are passive and not leading anymore.

i thought DAMN, the women I’ve been associated with would just DUMP ME before even GETTING to that point!!!!!

they wouldnt stick around long enough to LET that happen! they would have ALREADY dumped me for being a wimpy passive spineless doormat!

so why are these women not just walking out on these men? wouldn’t they get disgusted the first time they put their hand on top, and say, im done with you, you weak wimp?

that was what i was asking. i have been dumped for MUCH LESS. why are these women staying with these phaggots in the first place?

i cant even remember how i held hands with women, its been like 11 years since i held hands with a woman hahahaha.

saw a profile picture on soundcloud of somebody who photoshopped dat boi into the famous vietnam photo of the running people being napalmed and the little naked girl. dat boi had replaced the naked girl.

ok finally found it

2016-09-16_20h39_22

YOURE WELCOME hahahahaha

updated Standard Cover Letter with Sentence explaining Employment Gap. ok there. not much more I can do about that. But I think its a small, maybe larger than small, improvement on something that was already damn good and should be more than enough to get me a 13 an hour job.

ok i swear i wont go lower than 12 an hour hahahaha.  so i guess i am at 12-13 now depending on my mood hahahaha.

good thing SHE is making like 16 an hour!

but i dont know that!

but there’s a 75% chance she is!

ok so what does it MATTER then?

because like i said 100000000000000000 times, i dont like her BEATING me at the game of life!

why not?

because i hate her proving she is BETTER than me.  because it adds INSULT TO INJURY.

why?

because she injured me, now she is insulting me.

why?

see now we are getting into the circular part.

yeah i know THEORETICALLY it doesnt matter.

but IN THE REAL WORLD, it ABSOLUTELY DOES MATTER how much money people make, and how women view men who make less money than they do. they view them as totally worthless and inferior.

i dont view people in those terms. but im not a woman. im not PROGRAMMED to care about status in that way!

i mean as a male i do care about ranking and hierarchy………but not in that same visceral sexual or loving way. i know what peoples status is In The Real World, but I know it has no real bearing on their worth as a person.

but it has VERY REAL BEARING on their worth in the MATING MARKET!!!!!!!!1

and the mating market is VERY important to me because one of my MAIN LIFE GOALS is to find  a good wife and have CHILDREN!!!!!!!!

so thats WHY all this shit MATTERS so much!!!!!!!

i am apparently an abuser because i notice slutty behavior and call sluts sluts. thats what abusers do. nonabusers dont have the word slut in their vocabulary hahahaha.

Advertisements

EXCUUUUUSE ME FOR TREATING THE PEOPLE I DO THE LIFE CREATION PROCESS WITH LIKE HUMAN BEINGS

june 3

had dream about a woman, thank god not THAT woman, but that “one who got away” in college and i regret not making an effort with her because she was cute and nice to me and not a high number whore at that time. she would have been fun to cuddle with and make out with and hang out with and maybe have as a GF hahahaha. she was really cute and white as hell. and nice and never bitchy.  and not a high number slut hahaha.

so in the dream she was showing some interest in hanging out with me, but I was very busy for whatever reason, and I was worried that by the time I would be ready to hang out in like a week, she would no longer be interested.

i guess i could have met her for like an hour and said listen babe i am so busy, i got exams and I am applying for grad skool (we were still in Kollige in the dream). I can give you an hour right now but next week we can spend some serious time. I will make you dinner and shit.

well that would be too supplicating hahahaha and she would lose interest anyway.

heh the best way to keep her interest, when you worry she might lose interest in a week, is to just meet with her for an hour in your busy life, bang her HARD, then be like baby, i got to get back to WORK, im an ambitious successful man making good deals, so call me next week and I will bang you twice as hard. see ya wouldnt wanna be ya hahahaha.

that is the proper response to that. of course you’ve ruled her out as wife material immediately because she gave it up to you too fast, because she ALWAYS gives it up too fast. technically its HER fault but a woman would NEVER admit when antyhing is HER fault.

but yeah she was cute, and nice, and not stumpy or potatoey, and had beautiful white skin, very cute face, very nice body, she was always laughing and smiling and never bitchy to me, she liked to partake MJ too. I wish I had just hung out with her, partook MJ, watched movies and chilled with her, before she became a crazy careerist slut over 30 hahahaha.

WELL….I was conflicted, because my male friend had actually dated this gurl around that time. He was done with her by that time and probably wouldnt have minded at all if i wanted to give her a try hahahaha but I just felt weird about it at the time. he was a truly a good guy and I had a good connection with him and i hope he is doing well, and found a decent woman and became a father. I would worry about him falling for a crazy bitch though.

so THAT is my excuse, also I was honestly involved with drama with about 3 other women. no i wasnt banging them. yes they were all rejecting me hahahaha. i did make out with 2 of them though. but I didnt even THINK about this other woman. and so naturally now I worry that she is “the one who got away.”

well she didnt REALLY get away. She only lives 60 miles away from me. except now she’s 30+ and has taken a lot more dix.

hmm. turns on TRS forum has become the Hottest Alt Right forum on the internet and you now need to be INVITED to even sign up. dayum. this just happened in the past month. so you plebs can’t see the posts and you just cant sign up. you need to be INVITED by a full member, like me hahaha.

applied for part time job at local university. this is prob muh #1 dream employer but it is nto easy to get a job here at all.

this is the univ i should have gone to, just got a damn business engineering math degree hahaha. the school is pretty srs, they even offer medical (DO) degrees now. possibly even an MD but for sure DO.

so anyway in that dream, there was no touching or fun. the best was i saw the gurl for like a minute, then was stressed the whole time whether or not i would have another chance. i was not sitting there in the dream hanging out with her for hours and cuddling or making out or anything. just 95% worrying that it was over before it even began hahahahaha.  this is normal for my dreams hahaha. and my real life hahahaha.

ok 6 job applications today. i dont have any interviews coming up and got to get some more in there.

ok you want a phone number from a job i had over 10 years ago. fook you. I will write NA and the program will accept that for the required entry hahahaha.

ya god damn dumb shitty bitch hahahahaha.

hahhaha i used to censor ALL bad words. now i just censor fook. because who gives a fook. your wife has a mouth like a sailor and has had 10000000 sailors IN her mouth.  salty seamen hahahahahaha.

and i can be plenty offensive without saying fook hahahaha.

how about when you want to get out of a long ter relationship that obviously is important to the other person, you tell them SORRY and you say yeah I know it hurts to end a long term rel. we had a significant long term rel and i acknolwedge it meant something to YOU at least, so I am sorry to hurt you.

acknowledge that this relationship meant something to me. acknowledge muh pain. understand that you meant something to me.

i think she DOES uderstand all this. against, its just a matter of cowardice. lack of moral courage.

well, the good news is, once you get used to doing like at least 5 stupid applications per day for a few weeks, it becomes a less excruciating routine. you just accept it and copy and paste and look shit up. it gets easier in other words. no less stupid, but easier.

WHOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOAAAAAAAAAAAAa

here is a great idea:

sometimes job sites limit you to the number of documents you can upload. SO you simply make ONE document with ALL your documents innit.

its amazing the majority of people are employed!

well wait a minute, actually they arent. alot of people are students.

alot more than half the people are making less than the average money per year, which is like 34 grand a year.

oh sorry its like 28 grand in 2011. per capita income. which is like 14 bucks an hour.  which is less than the fight for 15 hahaha.

horry sheet i was making MORE than that!!!! SHE was making more than that! WE WERE ABOVE AVERAGE!!!!!!!

Listen to me! show some remorse! show some sympathy! show that I was important enough to you to do something courageous for ME!!!

that the relationship was important enough to YOU for you to show a little backbone in trying to do the good karma thing. treat ME like i meant something to you, treat the relationship like it meant something to you. cuz i think it DID. it WASNT all in my head.

june 4

yeah its just discouraging and horrifying that somebody can be by your side and totally with you…..and then just detach and distance themself from you. they dont care about you any more. the warmth and caring they once gave to you and which you enjoying so much and was so valuable to you, you dont get any of that any more, and they give it to other people. they could care less about you. and its all your fault because you pushed them away hahahaha. everything is always your fault with women.

this is so disgusting. because like women falsely accusing men of rape cheapening the real rapes, women blaming men for EVERYTHING kinda cheapens those times when men really ARE at fault, and they beat and abuse women. and then kind gentle men who would never abuse women feel horribly guilty for doing something to push a woman away, and they feel like they are on the same level as the guy who beats his wife and molests his children.

i wasnt courageous enough. well she was even less courageous. i was courageous enough to talk to her. that’s all the courage i wanted from her.

oh well you live and learn. live and learn hahahaha. next time i get feelings for a female friend I will tell her. check in early and check in often. tell them about this cautionary tale and say, we should talk about this every month just to check in. it can totally happen and I dont want my life to be ruined again.

i mean i want the person i marry and have chirren with and spend the rest of muh life with, i want to feel about them the way i felt about her. a total, all in commitment. it was an EASY DECISION TO MAKE, because I was THAT certain. I want to be that certain about someone.  its this uncertain one foot out the door bullshit that causes j00ish degen bullshit like open relationships. people treating human beings like objects hahahaha. devaluing human life in every way.

its the man who is always so strongly anti abortion because MEN understand and respect the value of human life. women just see it as an inconvenience to muh body muh choice. muh freedoms.

and she can talk to her co workers and be like yay we have the best team ever i luv all u so much, and not care about me, and let me drown. i used to be more important to her than just some fellow co worker, then I got downgraded from real life friend to work friend. THAT HURTS!!!!! have you ever been DOWNGRADED from real friend to just work friend? it SUCKS. you have a RIGHT to be UPSET about it. it HURTS a LOT.

and you still see the person every day at work so its not like you can avoid them and pretend they dont exist. because you see and hear them every day.

well she thought she could avoid me and pretend i didnt exist, even though she saw me eery day. She was willing to do that. I was not willing or able to do that AT ALL. because I wanted to talk to her, I didnt want to avoid her, plus i could see and hear her. it drove me CRAZY REALLY FAST.  yeah ok i  reacted very emotionally but she COULD have not avoided me like that.

i dont blame her entirely….but i do blame her partially hahahaha.

there is a huge void in muh life and really the only thing that can come CLOSE to filling it is MJ hahaha. I always found something comfy and cozy and intimate and warm fuzzy from using MJ. that was really my relationship simulator, or relationship substitute.

it was a lot better than having some bitch run through the relationship simulator with me hahahaha. cuz MJ can’t leave you and break your heart hahahahahaha. and you can do something long term with it. it will always be there for you hahahahaha.

also i dont appreciate being treated like a Weird Stalker who deserved to be avoided, when I was a Longterm Friend who just wanted to Talk about a Mutual Problem.

now my judgment is off, and i will feel like a weird stalker for wanting something PERFECTLY LEGITIMATE.

heh. my judgment is off enough as it is, especially regarding wimmin.

this loss might be worse than a death, and it might even be worse than CHEATING. cuz there’s NEVER a good excuse or justification for cheating. you can EASILY make the cheater into the bad guy, and hate them, and get your closure that way. that dirty awful cheater didnt deserve me. but when they just leave you….you are left with nothing. but confusion and self doubt. and there are valid reasons for just up and leaving someone, namely they are abusing you or being really bad to you that you just need to ESCAPE them. so you start to think you were like that. you blame yourself a lot more.

sure you ALWAYS blame yourself for being too omega and too phaggy and too feminine and too weak and that MAKES them lose interest…..but this is different than merely losing interest!

also, you can lose interest after 2 months, but its kinda hard to lose interest after 2 years.

2 years is a LOT different than 2 months.

i just want someone to say yes i know this hurts you a lot. your pain is valid. not something like well you shouldn’t be so upset about her. maybe not, but i AM, so ACCEPT it. and dont tell me not to be upset.

its not THAT hard to understand.

i mean shit if i could force myself to not be so hurt by this, dont you think i would have DONE IT?

back on TRS once again. so many great threads there but I dont really want to share them outside of the forum, probably a bannable offense, and I dont want to be banned hahaha.

ok I will post this tho:::::

QUOTE

When people talk about “being in love,” they are generally talking about the 3-18 month period at the beginning of relationships where floods of exciting chemicals like oxytocin, adrenalin, dopamine and serotonin hit people like a bag of bricks whenever they’re around each other/think about each other. People’s brains do this to reduce inhibition so they’re more likely to procreate. “Being in love” is fooking intoxicating and you basically feel like you’re on drugs just by being around another person + sex is usually involved so that’s pretty great too. That said, this altered state eventually subsides and normal thought patterns take over. At that point, the continued success of the relationship is determined by how compatible their interests, goals and personalities are. So after the initial burst of passion period, the rest of a relationship can be defined by a general fondness for one another and the appreciation of a shared partnership and hopefully the cooperative experience of raising children.

tl;dr: love as portrayed in movies is real but it fades with time because its measurable physiological effects are just there to get you to put a bun in her oven. The second stage of love takes a more effort to maintain since you’re not just riding a high together but it’s calmer and really quite comfy.

END

in response to an 18 year old autist asking about is it possible to really feel true luv or is that just another j00 lie.

NO ITS NOT. And its sad that these young men dont know that, because they have never felt it.

but this response, from a proper mature whyte man, is very very good. true luv is real, but its also ridiculous, and you should expect this honeymoon period to end.

MY issue is, it never did. with me there was never any secs involved or the shit ended well before i was ready. well before the 18 months. shit i wish they DID last 18 months! the FEELINGS certainly lasted 18 months, but the “rel” ended WELL before that.

well shit ok i am past the 18 month mark from when i first fell in luv with HER, which was like in sept 2014. now it is june 2016 and i have made some progress hahaha.

 

SERIAL MONOGAMY IS JUST CHEATING WITHOUT THE CHEATING / THE MANS FAULT BY DEFAULT / SO WILLING TO LOSE ME

feb 28

welp started the day off with some decent cleaning, got a big bag of stuff to throw away, and got another bag of stuff to donate. i am not a hoarder but i still have a ton of stuff just sitting there for years and years. some of the stuff reminds me of my degenerate and failed past….so i throw it away. if its donatable, i might donate it unless its too degenerate hahahaha. like books and cds and dvds or shit. cassettes and vhs i would prob just throw away.

mantras include:

i dont want her. i dont want her. i do NOT want her.

i will let go of her.

i am DONE with her.

i didnt do anything BAD/WRONG.

this is not my FAULT.

of course its good to admit responsibility and FAULT when you fook something up. and certainly i was not PERFECT. but to say the whole thing was my FAULT is inaccurate. really the root cause was the same as it ever was: she just wasnt interested in me That Way. how I handled it was not great, and how she handled it was insanely incomprehensibly catastrophically godawful.

well see i DO admit responsibility for the stuff that i screwed up. i just dont think warranted what she did in response.

not all women are like that hehehehe. some women will put forth an effort and try not to hurt you.

tricky response: yeah, SHE was like that, with OTHER men, just not with ME. therefore, it must be something wrong with ME.

what is the rational or at least healthier response to that: well last time i had a big rejection in 2012, the woman made an effort to do the right thing, and i dont think i screwed up any worse this time than i did last time. her response was just totally different. different women are different hehehehe.

its like when single momz who fall for badboyz say, i dont want a BOY, i want a MAN, i guess referring to the maturity level of the guy.

some guys are defnitely immature, but some guys are definitely mature and great and awesome.

many women are definitely insanely immature….but some are more mature.

some men would make horrible fathers and abandon their wives and children; some men are obviously great fathers and great men.

same thing with women. some women would make horrible wives and mothers, some dont.

bbbbbbut she could have been such a good wife and mother!!!! she would have been a great wife and mother to that other guy who didnt luv her back!!!!! and me and her got along as friends soooooooooooooooooooooooooo well!!!! couldnt we just get along like that, only at The Next Level??!!?!?!

apparently not. i thought we could. she thought no fooking way.

i guess if some stranger treated me bad, i wouldnt think it was my fault. or if they were “just a friend” i wouldnt get AS emotional. but when someone you LUV treats you badly, you think, o god what did i do wrong?

but then i thought, whys SHE so mad? she wouldnt be so mad unless she had some kind of feelings for me too! but maybe she just doesnt realize it. women are very subconscious like that. they have many powerful motives that are hidden to them, like the reality of what qualities they are attracted to, hypergamy, hating weak men ahhahaha. they will never admit that because they dont really KNOW about it. its hind brain lizard brain stuff they dont understand ahahaha.

i dunno. i just wish they were nicer when they dumped me hahaha. well some have been!

and this was just extra devastating because i felt closer to this person. we werent just going through the short term relationship simulator.

good lord. ask your darn MOM the best way to dump a NiceGuy Pussy. she might not be perfect either but she probably knows how to do that. she prefers badboys too, she understands hahahaha. but she would probably be better about not BLATANTLY breaking niceguys hearts.

realize what youre doing, wanting out of the rel while they want in, is inherently selfish, and inherently hurtful. theres no way around it. so take up the responsibility that goes along with the right to end a relationship at your will alone.

maybe pay the early termination fee to show some more good faith. just give me 1000 bucks.

well i never dumped anyone before. you know she probably WAS aware of all this. and it probably made her feel scared and overwhelmed to the point where she ran away from that.

she probably said i dont really want to hurt him. but i cant deal with facing him.

and of course in doing that she hurt me MORE than if she had just said something to me. at all. even an email hahaha.

yeah i never dumped someone. i am also a confrontation avoider. i dont WANT to hurt people.

heh. theres an interesting though: she did this because she DIDNT WANT TO HURT ME, and just avoided it altogether, which resulted in HURTING ME MORE than if she had just told me.

lesson: avoiding the person hurts them MORE.

anyway yeah i would be prone to avoiding too. i guess i can understand and forgive.

https://archive.is/BNUvl

dalrock: ” Marriage lite: mistaking “No sex before monogamy” for a moral statement ”

he does pingbacks and though i like and endorse dalrock, i just dont want pingbacks to my blog on other peoples pages hahaha.

also he is a good writer, but its confusing to discern his sophisticated points, and imho, roissy is the better writer.

anyway i think dalrocks point here is that serial monogamy is immoral and a form of immoral promiscuity, although serial monogamy is much easier to make excuses for especially for christians.

i will probably be increasingly pro-christian for the rest of my life; but i like to look for the nonreligious explanations of morality nonetheless, to not use religion as a proxy for morality. some people are very religious but can still find religious excuses for being immoral. religious loopholes. i dont like that. something is not just immoral because god doesnt like it; its immoral because it hurts people and or debases you or others. immorality is inherently immoral and that is WHY god doesnt like it.

you should strive to find things immoral for the same reasons that GOD/religion finds them immoral:: because they are INHERENTLY WRONG. not because the SkyDaddy is making up an Arbitrary Rule to restrict yer freedumbs.

basically, GOD has a damn good REASON for forbidding the things that he does. you should try to understand that reason.

so how do i feel about serial monogamy? i think its better than parallel nonmongamy, ie dating/fooking several people at once; its better than cheating; but it still kinda sucks. because it means you have someone LINED UP from your STABLE and are ready to go with them the INSTANT you break it off with the previous guy. or gurl hahahahahaha. meaning you checked out of your previous rel long before you broke it off, and didnt make an effort to fix things with that person. you were just looking for the right moment to leave. monkey branching. branch swinging.

it debases the other person because it treats them as disposable garbage, and says this relationship wasnt worth enough to you to take some TIME on it afterwards and reflect and learn and just be Single and get over him. it meant you were already over him, unavailable to him, and starting to be available to others. its a damn slippery slope to cheating. its cheating without the cheating hahahaha.

take some TIME to process the relationship, the death of something and someone that should matter to you, before you jump into something else. usually with sex on the offer within 6 dates at MOST, more likely 3, and god forbid 1.

look for the comment by “joe blow” on the dalrock article. trying to boil things down as lessons he would teach his son. realize that roissy is stripping the MORALITY away from things, which is not good imho. we should ALWAYS be concerned with morality. find a woman who is likewise concerned with morality. morality is important as FOOK.

roissy says women in love are like beta men. WOW. immoral though he is, this is a great and true statement. they willfully submit to luv, they will be heartbroken if dumped, they probably want to put lots of effort in, they are committed for the long haul, in short. they care about your feelings. they do tuff things for you. they try to talk and work things out. they are somewhat desperate to hold on to you. they cant imagine life without you. they would seriously considering laying down their life for you. love IS beta.

https://archive.is/xjGGa

dalrock: perversion of the word “ABUSE” to mean “anythign the woman doesnt like.” and sometimes the truth hurts. sometimes things take work and struggle and its not FUN. but if you arent constantly making her haaaaaaaappy and are annoying her, then its EMOTIONAL ABUSE.

and if you are like me, you would be HORRIFIED to be accused of any kind of abuse!!!!!

https://archive.is/KbSO2

the temptation for wives to claim abuse; EVERYTHING is “ABUSE”

now that woman never accused me of abuse but it certainly crossed my mind.

if you say youre not an abuser, then youre an abuser in denial. if you say you are an abuser, well you heard it straight from the horses mouth, hes an abuser!

http://archive.is/pVv34

similar.

everything is abuse, everything is neglect, not making her haaaaaaaaaappy is abandonment and abuse and neglect and Manipulation and Controlling.

these are not accusations to throw around lightly!!!!!!

i and other niceguy pushy doormat lower betas like me will never be accused of Raep, but it is entirely possible, and much more probable, that we will be accused of Nonphysical ABUSE. That we really didnt commit. and then hate ourselves for being such evil abusers.

in the manosphere they talk about false raep accusations all the time, but i think false ABUSE accusations are even worse. much more likely for the average man to face.

well, im not falsely accusing her of falsely accusing me of abuse hehehehe. she didnt accuse me ANYTHING.

but my mind was throw into overanalysing obsessing overdrive. i thought she might Wrongly Think I was abusive. i wrongly accused MYSELF of abuse!!! did i abuse her???

well NOW its OBVIOUS that i didnt abuse her.

well that was ALWAYS kinda obvious. but i worried that i was being MANIPULATIVE and DECEPTIVE. or i wasnt sure if i had BETRAYED her or not. and betrayers are in the lowest circle of hell hahahaha. its a terrible sin to betray someone, a TERRIBLE sin, and i dont want to betray ANYONE!!!!!!

anyway im not accusing her of anything and she hasnt accused me of anything. maybe she does in private, but never to me. i just dont know ANYTHING about what she is thinking about me. now, prob NOTHING. i am dead and gone to her. wow. looks like i made a real big imapct on her life, was a real important person to her, eh?

yeah well at one time i was. at one time our friendship was very mutual and two sided.

i just dont like being THROWN AWAY, and i suspect that NO ONE does. not even dirty sluts.

and i dont have the highest self esteem anyway. i have a lot of self loathing. and i STILL doing like being treated like garbage!!!!!!!!!!

http://theothermccain.com/2015/08/31/hit-it-and-quit-it-on-tinder/

”  No decent parent would ever want their daughter to be offering herself to random strangers online, and decent parents would be horrified if their son brought home a woman he’d picked up that way. “Tinder trash” for a daughter-in-law? No, son. Leave those trashy women alone.
Remember that herpes is incurable, 21% of women are infected, and I’ll bet the rate of herpes infection is even higher on Tinder.  ”

referring to:

http://www.vanityfair.com/culture/2015/08/tinder-hook-up-culture-end-of-dating

DEGENERATE.

theres some marxist feminist shit in vanity fair OBVIOUSLY but it still paints a degen picture. gurls having secs on the first date, guys having 40 partners in a year, 3 partners in a week. the young girls say some sensible things and the men are portrayed as brutes. but i would say Women are just as good as men in Caring Less, in the Who Cares Less competition.

not sure how cool this RS mccain is, but he was banned permanently from twitter for….some kind of wrongthink. but he might be a neocohen or cuck hahahahaha. but being banned from twitter is a good signal.

also, this is NYC, manhattan no less, full of degenerate young ivy league ibankers and patrick bateman types and the women who want them. these are not normal people. these are outliers of degeneracy.

so tinder is probably somewhat less degenerate here in flyover country, but how much?

how many guys has SHE gotten with from tinder? okcupid? how long does she wait before giving up the secs? does she have herpes now? 21% chance hahahaha. when some guy says i want to throat fook you and jizz on your face, your only a mile away, give me your location and i will be there in 30 minutes to fook”, does she say yes?

DEGENERATE.

dont give sex until youve gotten the mans commitment.

women are the gatekeepers of sex, men are the gatekeepers of commitment. this will NEVER be false. this is human nature. and women have lost sight of this. they need their fathers to teach them. i think men havent forgotten their role though. but it doesnt stop them from taking sex freely offered!! and they just wont commit to any woman, because theres no woman WORTH committing to!

heh. that vanity fair article was triggering. i mean what do you expect from an Oven Middle Class SWPL piece of shit like that hahahaha.

GET IN THE OVEN.

but yeah just the description of these tinder using degenerates is so degenerate. why dont they just STAHP doing this before theyve had secs with 40 guys? they talk to that degenerate christopher ryan who wrote the degenerate book “sex at dawn” and he actually had a good point, that these apps make it too EASY to overindulge and leads to “psychosexual obesity.” good line there. ive often compared promiscuity to GLUTTONY. dont be a GLUTTON and indulge your Appetite and stuff your face. its like a fat slob, or a drunk, or drug addict. SHAMEFUL. shows no self control. degenerate.

and i hate to think of My Perfect Wife going on tinder. just being so goddamn naive. she really needed a father. shame on her father for abandoning her.

i hypothesized that maybe she viewed ME as a father figure. maybe even i subconsciously ENJOYED it. i dunno. maybe it was just simple white knighting for the fatherless gurl. she needs a man to care for her and lead her. love her and lead her. i was happy to do this. i just needed some luv back once in a while. some commitment.

i think this is just part of the natural husband role. love and lead your wife.

what does she do when she gets dick picks from these perverts? or dirty messages saying AYYYY BABY WAN SUM FUKKKK? does she meet up with the black guys? guys who have their shirts off in the pics? guys that any decent father would be able to tell her, stay away from that sleazebag? her mothers smart enough, couldnt SHE tell her to stay away from these guys? she is very close with her mother. why doesnt her mother say you wont find any decent guys on that shit, dont get into that shit. stay off that shit. no daughter of mine is gonna be a tinder slut. when the father is absent, the mother can still say that.

its not even like she was a wild child rebellious youth either, banging badboys at age 16. she had only been with ONE GUY until it ended when she was fooking 24. was with him from like age 19 to 24. the prime of youth!!!!!

ONE GUY!!!!!! yeah that is super important to me, so its NO SURPRISE i got feelings for her. since i place such importance on chastity and innocence and purity and not being promiscuous. she fit that criteria in a BIG way. she REALLY sored high on that metric hahaha. so therefore its not surprising at all i got feelings for her.

so it sucks to see her on the borderline of becoming a slut now. when you thought she was out of the woods. who BECOMES a slut at age 25? answer: the women that didnt become sluts before 25 hahahahaha. if a gurl is not a slut during college, what a miracle, she can become a slut postcollege after she starts her career and gets lonely. Enter Tinder and Degenerate online shit.

i hate viewing women as immature infants who have no agency in all this. yeah women are naturally more immature and infantile than men which is why they need mens protection; from their fathers when they are children and from their husbands when they are adults; and that the white knight drive in men is healthy and natural, being protectors both as husbands and then as fathers; but do women have to be COMPLETE infants who have NO agency or control? i would like to think there is a happy medium.

so because women have no agency, anything that happens in a rel is by default, the mans fault.

its like fook i cant read your mind. i know you have been distant but you say other things like yes i miss you too we will hang out soon dont worry. but how i am i supposed to know you dnt really mean that? apart from the obvious writing on the wall hahahaha actions speaking much louder than words. ok i SHOULD have know. but i was blinded by muh feelings.

heh some say the manosphere are Equalists because they want men and women to be treated the same, holding women to the same standard as men, when you just cant, people arent Equal or the Same, men and women are different. i agree men and women are very different. but that they ideall complement each other. i think this is what is called “complementarianism” hahahaha.

http://archive.is/IIQbN

women are the ones who want to avoid commitment. pretty great post there from dalrock. quote:::

Early in the sexual revolution there was some level of stability for serial monogamy. This was because there was still some inertia keeping women from feeling comfortable hopping from man to man. But over time women have felt more and more free to enter and exit sexual relationships at will.

In reality, what exactly differentiates a LTR from a hookup? Is it fair for a man or a woman to have an expectation that their “Long Term Relationship” will be in tact an hour from now, tomorrow, or next week? Is either party judged for deciding at any moment in the relationship that it no longer exists? If either party can terminate the relationship at will simply by voicing their preference, where exactly is the commitment?

Long Term Relationships actually have no term and no commitment. The only way you can violate the agreement is if you get involved with someone else without a courtesy call to the other party first. Tell me if I’m getting this wrong.

Men are consciously or unconsciously starting to recognize this and acting accordingly. The hookup culture is really just men finally adjusting to the rules women have been playing by for quite some time. Now both will get what they want from the “relationship” for so long as it pleases them, and then end it when they wish. The only question is if it pleases them for an hour, a night, a month, a year, or a decade. As men become wise to the lack of commitment they are in turn withdrawing their investment.

Behold: hookup culture.

ie, its not a REAL committment if you can just walk out whenever you want. commitment is hard and takes work. you have to be wiling to do that work. women complain that men arent willing to do that work but my experience has been exactly the opposite hahaha. i was more than willing to work, and the woman wasnt.

doesnt mean there arent plenty of men out there who dont want to commit. well prob because the woman isnt worth committing to. she gave it up too soon and is not a good mother of your children type woman.

i dunno. i might be wrong about complementarianism. dalrock seems to say it sucks and is kinda weak and man blaming. ok fine hahahaha. i trust dalrock.

smply: WAS I ASKING TOO MUCH of her to ask her to act like a semi-mature adult and not a child? men and women are DIFFERENT – are women even CAPABLE of acting like mature adults? hehehehe well yes she acted like a mature adult before. but that was with men who took no shit from her.

so by being a weak man, i therefore did not DESERVE to have her be MATURE to me?

oh god.

so yeah on a sexless human level, no one deserves to get thrown away…… but on a man woman level, knowing that men and women are super different in what they react to, how they react, yes this really is my fault for not being a proper man? and she only reacted as a woman could be expected to react to that?

yeah ok i can see the point but really all i was asking for was an Ethical Dumping. come on. its a small gesture with a big impact.

i wasnt a Perfect Strong Man with the other women. but they still treated me better. so theres my proof. even within the world of man woman bullshit, you can be a weak doormat omega women and it doesnt mean women HAVE to treat you like A Nobody when they Dump You.

well they were just being super nice!! most women arent that NICE!!!!

heh i sure didnt think they were NICE at the time. and even now i would rather call them Average instead of SUPER NICE. just be AVERAGE nice. thats all i wanted.

i mean women arent known for their COURAGE sure, but if these gurls could summon up the courage, then so could any woman. i am particularly thinking of an 18 year old crazy bipolar slut, a 22 year old crazy slut, and a 24 year old decent not too crazy nonslut. they all managed to be nice enough.

well i still learned a lesson about putting my damn foot down. i will not make this mistake again. its really all about communication.

feb 29

sheeeeeeit. its just hard adjusting to life. the feeling that you screwed up the most important rel youve had in many years, she could have been The One if you hadnt screwed it up, maybe you didnt do any severe crimes, but you still screwed it up, if you were better she wouldnt have LEFT you, now youll never find someone you get along with as well, who’s as young and pretty and nonslutty, who you LOVE as much.

shit yeah it takes TIME to get over a BROKEN HEART. thats why i dont trust serial monogamy bitches. there is NO WAY i could Honestly Ethically Date another person right now. I still want HER.

I DONT WANT HER. I DONT WANT HER. IM DONE WITH HER. IM DONE WITH HER.

hehehehehe mantras.

but yeah i am not done with her enough to be fully open and available to someone else.

i mean maybe if i was banging 3 new hawt 24 year olds every week from tinder in NYC hahahahaha. in NYC, everyone is normal weight / not fat, good looking, under 30, no single momz, anddddddddd degenerate as fook, immoral as fook, in a modern day sodom and gomorrah.

mar 1

viceland the new vice tv network is absolutely the most degenerate thing i have ever seen. all degenerate, all the time. nothing but the most punchable shitlib faces ever. normalizing perversity and degeneracy. anti male, anti white, anti str8, thoroughly pozzed and j00ified in the worst brooklyn hipster way. like we are so cool and hip and edgy. its like mtv trying to be serious but even worse. however i cant take my eyes off it. however i feel that will gradually poison me. i mean its like pornography. well….not quite. but it is constant stream of degeneracy. you guessed it – ABSOLUTELY DISGUSTING.

yeah i just wanted to have some devotion and commitment from a woman. to be shown some real luv essentially. to have a woman luv me enough to show some courage for me, to be devoted to me, to do some work for me, to not be SO WILLING TO LOSE ME.

when we were just friends, she did show me a lot of luv. she was sweet and gentle and warm and interested and she wanted to hang out with ME. SHE would invite me and initiate sometimes. I was more of a priority for her. she CARED and she SHOWED it through her actions. i could tell. and I liked being on the receiving end of that.

so yeah its no surprised that i got hooked on that feeling and wanted more of it, more of HER. i thought if she can be this sweet and loving and supportive and awesome as a friend, imagine how great she would be as a GF! this is wife and mother of your children potential! someone who just really LUVS you and is truly committed to you and would walk with you thru the depths of hell. love and commitment.

i saw that she was totally devoted to her BF and she wasnt gonna walk out on him! she luved him and wanted to make it work with him. in the end it was HIM to decided to get out, not her. essentially i wanted to take his place and get some of that luv myself. because ultimately i was in luv with her and felt she was the one, we got along so well, good friends, she cared about me, i cared about her, well now that hes gone and youre single, lets try to hang out more. hehehehe. yeah i can see how it would look OPPORTUNISTIC on my part. it kinda WAS.

but fact is, i didnt LET myself get feelings for her while she was with her BF because i wanted THEM to work it out; also i didnt hang out with her TOO much while she was with her BF, i didnt go all in, because i didnt want to interfere, i didnt want to get TOO close, i didnt want to develop feelings, plus i didnt think it was right that a Taken Woman gets so Intimate with other men outside of her BF. it is emotional cheating and i didnt want to be a part of that.

apparently vice tv lets their degenerate show hosts smoke blunts right on camera hahaha. well not surprising since they have a whole show devoted to glorifying weed as a miracle medicine and showing kids getting wasted on super potent thc oil. well they have cancer and i guess they have a reason to take it. i guess my problem is actually showing the kids getting all stoned, and then vice saying, this is awesome and beautiful. and then giving credence to the view that mj not only helps the symptoms of cancer…….but that it actually CURES cancer. only a fooking degenerate pothead would think that.

who knows. maybe it DOES actually cure cancer. in which case i would be more for it.  how can they not have research to support that. not that i trust ((((research)))) either hahahaha. muh SCIENCE!!!! is fooking awesome!!! you fooking racist theist shitlord skygod  believer!!!!

heh yesterday i actually got -7 net calories. first time that ever happened. ate like 1000 calories (not officially recommended hahaha) and burned 1007 calories, a new high at the gym. so thats kewl. basically one hour doing slow jogging at 4.8 mph as much as i could, for the better part of an hour; and then a second hour with a focus on the incline hahaha. i should be LIFTING moar but at least i am in there. a year ago i was too scared to go to the gym. now im just scared to lift at the gym hahahaha.

good lord the gurls there. the clothes they wear are more revealing than me in my Underwear. its just fooking INDECENT. WOMEN SHOULDNT DRESS LIKE THIS, EVER. yet this is NORMAL for the gym! and often they wear gym style stuff outside of the gym: skin tight pants, etc. and these are 20 year old gurls. COME ON. their fathers have failed. failed as fathers, failed these women.

anyway. yeah.  i was just devastated that the sweet caring supportive loving woman i once knew, who genuinely liked and cared for me as a person, just shut off that caring without even taking to me.

YES I KNOW its kinda UNFAIR to get feelings for a friend. but i know that you cant choose feelings. i guess you can sorta keep feelings from happening, but once they happen, uhhh then that horse is out of the barn and its never going back in!!!!!!

its UNFAIR, its AWKWARD, but its not bad or hostile or abusive or wrong or a crime or misdemeanor or felony.

why cant you just say AWWWW, but im sorry, i cant. like any average woman would? how hard is that???!!?!??!

i dunno. i dont think someone getting feelings for you is grounds for you to not treat them like a human being, especially when you treated them as a valued, important human being before. i liked being IMPORTANT to her. and she would act like i was important to her, in the very nice way she treated me. i really liked that. i tried to treat her nice too. then i got feelings and treated her TOO nice and she backed away and that was it. you can back away, but at least respect the relationship we had and the way you once felt towards me. involve me in your decision to exit the rel hehehe.

i dont think my change of feelings justified SUCH a disconnect between her former niceness and her latter meanness. yeah i changed and you have a right to reject that change but dear god try to spare my feelings and i dunno. for me it was important that she recognized we had a good real important friendship in the past. and i wish she had cared about that feeling more.

its very complicated when you get Feelings for a Friend.

of COURSE it changes the nature of the relationship. of COURSE if the other person doesnt feel the same way, the friendship should probably end or at least go on hiatus. but i just dont think you should end it without any communication, any sharing of feelings. i just wanted to be heard, and have a chance to make myself understood. i mean she was not the sharpest and there was a real risk of her not understanding this. but at least give me a chance to explain it. i understood it so well and think i could convince even her. mainly, that sometimes peoples feelings change over time, especially when a man and a woman have a good friendship and get along very well and then the woman becomes available after a very long relship. how is this so hard to understand. its really NOT that complicated! i know women like to MAKE shit verly complicated because they LOVE DRAMA. and DRAMA SUCKS. drama is NOT FUN. it is destructive and bad. why would you LIKE drama.

and she DOESNT like drama! another thing i LIKED about her!

so yeah she didnt want to cause drama. she just wanted to avoid a difficult situation.

i do this ALL THE TIME!!!!!! how many times have i AVOIDED doing something i probably should have done? ALL THE TIME!!! if anyone should be able to understand what she did, its me!!!! she avoided talking to me because she DIDNT want drama!

well i argue it wasnt REALLY “drama”, it was an important, necessary conversation……but i can see how someone might confuse it with “drama.”  because it was emotional and complicated and awkward and a big deal. but unlike actual drama, it wasnt manufactured bullshit. it was real, important, and necessary.

but yeah i avoid shit all the time because i just dont want to do it!!!!!! and thats all she did!!!!

i just HOPE i would never do THIS to a person. I like to think i wouldnt. i mean ive never been in the position before. had a friend fall in luv with me, where i didnt like them back.  never had that happen but i HOPE i would treat them better and not be so COWARDLY that i did THIS.

 

WHEN SOMEONE BEGS YOU FOR BETTER CLOSURE, TRY TO GIVE THEM BETTER CLOSURE / EMOTIONALLY ILLITERATE / JELQ MUH DIQ

0128

emotional porn, inspiration porn, prolefeed. real feelgood stuff in MSM to hit proles right in the feels and adult women can gush about about post on FB feeds. overcoming the odds, OR just giving a trophy to everyone, AND becoming more degenerate by the day, ie “feelgood” stories about 10 year old transgendered kids and their mom gives them sex change hormones.

anyway i had a medium epiphany:

if the criteria of whether i betrayed her or not is only if SHE FEELS betrayed, her feelings are valid, they might be wrong or confused or misunderstood, but they are still valid.

well then MY feelings are JUST AS valid, and i am MORE THAN ENTITLED to say I FEEL SUPER HURT by being thrown away like a piece of meat! inhuman and inhumane! nobody likes to be dehumanized, depoersonalized like this.

but as a believer in objective truth and morality, i also want a less subjective standard for measuring/ identifying betrayal than just her confused illogical mind saying i feeeeeeeeeeeel betrayed therefore its betrayal.

i want an INDEPENDENT TRIBUNAL to investigage impartially and provide a verdict and say she was more wrong than i was!!!!! that it wasnt really betrayal!!!!

basically, if shes ENTITLED to think i betrayed her, i’m ENTITLED to think she hurt me! cuz what she did hurt the fook out of me!

you dont get to decide youre DONE with someone, and then avoid the responsibilities of Getting Rid of them. Dump a person, break their heart, AND just essential DELETE them without ACKNOWLEDGING that you are causing a human being huge pain, a person who cares about you greatly, and whom you once cared about.  its just fooked up.

this ammon bundy is handsome as fook! hope that goy has a good looking faithful wife and 8 children.

i mean shit. yeah i can see how a woman would feel betrayed. it taps into bullshit about the friendzone and niceguys….but it also DOESNT. niceguys pretend like they have no interest. they dont say what theyre thinking. BUT a problem i long had with the media narrative about niceguys is……in the micro situation of these women HANGING OUT with these Niceguys Secretly in Luv with them, arent the niceguys GIVING OFF HINTS??? doesnt the woman have ANY CLUE that these Just Friend Guys LIKE them? something never rang true to me about the way “niceguys” were portrayed.

and this applied to me as well: i was feeling great tension and expressing that tension through increasingly heavy handed hints. i wasnt pretending i had no feelings.

AND SHE NOTICED! however i dont know if she interpreted them correctly, ie, maybe she thought “whys he being so weird,” rather than “o noes, he has FEELINGS for me, thats why hes acting so weird.”

so i was communicating something, and she was noticing it. therefore, i was not HIDING it. therefore, it was not betrayal hahaha.

but i dont even KNOW that she CONSIDERS it a betrayal, or shes JUST UGH. ENOUGH ALREADY. UGH. dont feel betrayed, i just idk. ugh idk. just want him gone.

ITS ALL ABOUT YOU. YOURE THE ONLY ONE IN THIS REL. ITS NOT LIKE THERES TWO PEOPLE HERE.

ONLY YOUR FEELINGS MATTER. THE OTHER PERSON AND THEIR FEELINGS DONT MATTER AT ALL. thats why their heart can be broken and they can be thrown away like garbage. they dont exist, they dont matter hehehehe.

you almost NEED to ignore it and shut it out because you can ruminate and overanalyze this forever but you will never get anywhere. there are too many unknown unknowns hahahahaha. or they might be known unknowns. because we know that we dont know them. namely what did she actually think about all this. i shared my feelings with her, but she did not share her feelings with me. other than blocking me and thrown me away. this gives a pretty good indication of the feelings, but theres still unknowns: did she do this because she felt betrayed, or just because she was angry or annoyed? does it even MATTER? NO! I just HATE the idea that I BETRAYED somebody.

I DONT BETRAY PEOPLE. I AM TRUSTWORTHY ALWAYS. This is very important to me.

you can hate me and be angry at me, just dont call me a traitor or betrayer or liar or someone you cannot trust.  that is very triggering and rustling to me.

i mean ive done some shitty things im not proud of……but i do those things much much more to MYSELF than i do to OTHER PEOPLE. whereas it seems that normies are more likely to do shitty things to other people, and not to themselves.

0129

had dream where i was going back to muh job after months. i was in a bus with several of my favorite people from the job, and they were very nice and supportive, and we were all heading out there fr another horrible shift hahaha. there was complaining and grumbling about how horrible things were. how some people just “couldnt take it anymore” and just walked out, disappeared, stopped coming to WORK. there was a person on the bus talking about how she tried to speak with the main manager about something important, and was bitched out about interrupting the manager who had very important valuable work and couldnt waste time. you wanted to talk the manager, you set up an APPOINTMENT!!!!!! and then after being shooed away, they eavesdropped on the manager who was having a very lively and spirited and happy and hilarious conversation with somebody in a “gypsy language”, presumably romani/roma. but obviously not SRS BUSINESS.

and then i thought, oh shit, THAT WOMAN is gonna be there too. and i dont want to see her AT ALL. I am just gonna have to quit again! why did i agree to come back! and felt very nervous and dreadful. how was i gonna survive this life? this horrible job! AND ON TOP OF IT, having to see that woman every day, hating me and ignoring me, and i would probably confront her and she would be a huge bitch and portray me as the bad guy! why was i coming back here? oh god i hope this is just a horrible DREAM!

and IT WAS! so that dream kinda made me feel better about my controversial decision hahahaha.

how can she shit on ME and then still be mad at ME and make other people think IM the bad guy! she should be ASHAMED of what she did, yet she’s DOUBLING DOWN on her bitchiness and anger and hate towards me, when she’s ALREADY broken my heart, then she rationalizes it to herself that i DESERVED it!

what a MINDFOOK!!!!

and the job is already stoopid as fook, AND i have to deal with this woman on top of it? no thank you!

and i wish i could switch to pure hate so easily like she has. but ultimately i will always be in luv with her and always want her, so its like breaking my heart every day.

so the dream was actually good in that it reminded me that i made the right choice in doing what i did haha.

i betrayed her??!?!?!!?! SHE BETRAYED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!! well i know it might not be a technical betrayal, but it was MUCH CLOSER to the realm of betrayal than what i did to her!!!!!

women wait until you get very close to them, fall in luv with them, then they totally CRUSH you. tear your heart out, stab it 900000000000000000000 times, after you have invested in them, gone all in with them…..and then you lose EVERYTHING and emerge as a totally broken ruined soul. they couldnt just dump you when you had invested just a LITTLE in them. they wait until you are madly in true lifelong luv with them, before they pull the rug out from underneath you. do they like ruining mens lives for NO REASON?????

hahahahaha.

no, if anything, no i have more respect for the other women who dumped me in a more appropriate kind manner. even if it wasnt perfect, they MADE AN EFFORT and recognized that i would be hurt, and they cared enough about that to TRY to do the right thing.

and less respect for HER, because she did NONE of this. made no effort.

make an effort. write 1 damn email.

thats what mindfooks me so much, is ultimately, how could she do this to ME? i knew she didnt LUV me, but i thought she CARED ABOUT ME AS A PERSON more than to do this to me. you just dont treat a person this way ever. unless they did something really really bad to you, and even THEN, its STILL better for you to take the high road than to descend into the muck with the person who did you wrong. DONT STOOP TO THEIR LEVEL. BE THE BETTER PERSON.

i thought there was more GOODWILL built up. even if i was on the OUTS with somebody, i wouldnt throw them away. i would appreciate them as a mostly decent person that i had good times with. i NEVER had big falling outs with people. usually we just Fade Away or Drift Away and are both on somewhat good terms at the end. but never huge falling outs, unless a woman is dumping me. and most times, heck ALL times till NOW, the woman made SOME kind of EFFORT to dump in a good way, to indicate that it wasnt my FAULT, that i did not do something horribly WRONG. basically its not you its me (meaning them, and dont blame yourself.)

SHE did the exact opposite, essentially saying YOU SHOULD BLAME YOURSELF. THIS IS YOUR FAULT. and i could not handle that. especially when im honestly not sure that it IS my fault. but on a bad day i can sure beleive that it was! and need to convince myself that it wasnt!

http://www.prevention.com/fitness/fitness-tips/how-increase-your-calories-burned-walking

i always see people doing a damn incline on the treadmill and it looks ridiculous, but the calories they burn are also enviable. the best is a weird 35 year old virgin looking man who does a full hour at like 5.5 mph and at least 10% incline (article recommends no more than 7.) this results in him burning at least 1000 calories in an hour, when i have to work hard to just do 500 an hour!!!!

well hes a weird virgin but hes not fat i tell ya!

so i wanted to look up some info about inclines. does it REALLY burn that MUCH MORE calories? initial evidence suggests yes, it actually works. maybe. hahahahhaa.

anyway. i just couldnt imagine how a person could do that to another. i cant wrap my mind around it.

even if a bitch cheated on me i would forgive her immediately, just please dont leave me. oh you can still see him, just tell me if you fook any other guys too, just dont dump me. i will let you do whatever you want as long as you please dont dump me.

this has always been my MO, because i HATE being dumped!!!! and that was when i was getting dumped NICELY! now i will hate getting dumped even MORE!

and yeah i would not be as surprised if this were someone i didnt know. some random bitch. but i actually KNEW her. i was once her friend. just because my feelings change for you doesnt mean you get to treat me like garbage. if i had a friend whose feelings changed for me, i wouldnt hate them, id still care for them, and id feel bad abotu not being able to reciprocate, and i would make a BIG effort to let them down as GENTLY as possible….not make NO effort and let them down as HARSHLY as possible! see how its such a big shocking mindfook!!!!!

and part of me wants to TELL her this, just for satisfaction, just for standing up for myself. when somebody shits on you hardcore, you stand up for yourself and say NO! NOT OK!!! and make sure they KNOW that what theyre doing is HORRIBLE! righteous indignation!!!!!

and i kinda did this in extremely nice, not angry, not blaming language, like yeah i see where youre coming from but i also think i did not deserve to be treated this way, i really dont think i betrayed you, lets just talk about this please.

rather than: you CANNOT do this, this is HORRIBLE, you SHOULD feel ashamed, you did a HORRIBLE thing and i want you to fully know it! SHAME ON YOU!!!!!

i never wanted to end a rel with such prejudice before. like i say, 99% of my rels that end, do so on a mutual drifting away with no real hard feelings. ive never just wanted to just GET RID of somebody. the women who dumped me, i always wanted to reconcile. my college roomate i had a big feud with, well i wanted to get rid of him. but even there the feeling was MUTUAL!  he wasnt BEGGING ME TO RECONCILE!!!! he hated me, i hated him!

when someone begs you for better closure, try to give them better closure.

KNOWING of course that all closure ultimately comes from within…….but the other person can CERTAINLY ease that along. being that they are in the rel with you, and they are dumping you. they can start you off with some good closure if they are willing. and why wouldnt they be willing?

i assumed from the years of goodwill, that she would be willing to lift a finger to give me at least a LITTLE good closure.

maybe in the future i will end up feeling hate and contempt for her, recognizing what a cowardly shitty thing she did to me. but to get to that point i have to stop wanting to reconcile with her!!!!!!

so THIS is the person i wanted to have a long term rel with? what if i was? what i married her and had chirren with her? how would that turn out! HARRIBLE!!!!

whats better, a woman who has been with 15+ guys, or a woman who has been with 2 guys but had 1 abortion?

whats better, a woman who has been with 10+ white guys, or a woman who has been with 2 guys, but one of them was nonwhite?

these sound like retarded philosophy thought experiments, but these are real world questions you have to ask when evaluating the long term wife potential of women!!!!!! its INSANE!!!!!

well, you figure activities like abortions and mudsharking are CORRELATED with being a slut. in other words, if a woman has been with a LOT of guys, chances are, she’s had SEVERAL abortions, and been with SEVERAL nonwhites.

you dont expect abortions and mudsharking out of a woman with a LOW number, in other words. but sometimes it happens!!!!

i dont like abortions, i dont like mudsharking, and i dont like SLUTS. but you cant have all three.

I’m not even sure if you can have TWO.

so, if you are dead set against a mudshark, then you have to accept that she’s been with a LOT of white guys and has had several abortions.

if you’re dead set against abortions, thats your dealbreaker, then she’s probably a slut, probably been with several black guys, and if she doesnt do abortions, then she probably has some bastard kids! and prob not white ones!

hehehe this is why men give up on women and go mgtow.

oh yeah i dont like when they have kids.

but you figure if they are enough pro abortion, they will just abort those kids.

so whats better, a woman who aborts their kids and thus has no kids, or a woman with bastard kids.

THESE are the questions you must deal with regarding the REAL PEOPLE who you are really interviewing for the role of your actual WIFE!!!!!

you get put in between such a rock and a hard place, and you say, well this is a total shit sandwich, cant i find a woman who fits BOTH criteria? has no abortions and ALSO has no kids? why is that TOO MUCH TO ASK in the current year? have the merchants destroyed ALL our women?

despair. making concessions. settling for less hahahaha. coming to believe your requirements are too much, your standards are too high. LOWER YOUR STANDARDS.

LOWER YOUR STANDARDS for your lifelong wife and the mother of your children.

see how shitty that is?

spend the rest of your life with and have kids with a piece of shit. mix your dna with them, and your kids will be half a piece of shit.

i wanted to communicate with her so i was pushing her to hang out.

if she wanted to commnicate with me, she would have been pushing me to hang out. 

and being that i also wanted to communicate, there would have been no pushing! we would have just communicated in a timely manner.

rather than me pushing to communicate, and her AVOIDING communicating. if she wanted to communicate, i wouldnt have NEEDED TO PUSH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

new browser brave from shamed mozilla founder brendan eich, who was forced out of firefox because he was against gay marriage. now he has founded brave.com with a bunch of j00s and SJW feminist techies hahahaha. but maybe they actually know their stuff. god knows i dont have the expertise to say if they do or not!!! i hate tech because its too confusing and there seems no pathway to figure it all out!! so when “cute” little 24 azn girls

https://archive.is/crRqx

https://brave.com/#team

start talking about code, im like, ya lost me at jquery. i dont even know how to javascript. yet a 24 year old azn girl who dropped out of high school, got a physics degree from MIT, then started a phd in CS at stanford, then dropped out, is now 24 or 25 years old, and gives talks at tech conferences all the time, and has Thirsty Leftist Tech Guys who make 100k+ a year lusting after her, is a senior developer on this browser hahahaha i do get frustrated. i took a bunch of tech classes to try to learn this stuff but it still doesnt make sense. its not that im an idiot, its more like i wasnt OBSESSED and Passionate the way these people are, coding 24 hours a day. after a while i had to say fook this shit i hate it, get it away from me.

so you gotta LUV it to be a damn programmer?

i was ultimately convinced i didnt have “what it takes” to be a CS major and get a CS/programming job. that you have to Love Programming and Tech in every fiber of your being; eat sleep and breathe this shit, and i certainly didnt. i just saw it as a means to an end, just wanted to be qualified for the lowest possible entry level tech job.

which as it turns out, is Tech Support, and you dont need ANY CS experience for that, and you just answer phones all day, and are confused and frustrated and nervous all day because you have no confidence that you know what youre doing, and are trying to bullshit to people all day. and then you quit because you just cant handle it any more and you fell in luv with your female friend at the job who just totally threw you under the bus!!!!!!

anyway, brave focuses on eliminating the Ad Bullshit and on being FAST. and also is concerned with privacy and not harvesting your information like j00gle chrome. seems promising so i downloaded the “developers build” and was able to open it and yes it does go pretty fast. it really does seem to go faster than chrome.

thats really what i care about. is it bloated? is it fast? does it have weird backdoors and shit and spy on me? are my main concerns.

and i jealous of young people that get to turn their AUTISM into a SUCCESSFUL CAREER cuz they can get THAT GOOD at understanding code because theyre damn AUTISTICALLY OBSESSED about coding.

this is why you should introduce kids to coding in FIRST GRADE and HOPE it sticks. then they get obsessed with it and teach themselves to code.

so yeah coding is a valuable skill for people to have, BUT…….not if you can just do stupid hello world shit like me. coding is only valuable if you can code at the level of a good CS graduate. now you dont actually have to have the degree, but you DO need to outperform good CS graduates.  can you do that? it takes a LOT of TISM to be able to do that.

i have some tism but not for that. my tism is basically for talking about Feelings and Women hahahaha.

these arent even philosophical, intellectual, masculine discussions. its totally feminine.  but i still cant talk TO WOMEN about it.

because not only are women Emotionally ILLITERATE, they speak an entirely different emotional LANGUAGE than men. i was very literate and articulate in my emotional language, but i couldnt communicate SHIT to her or actually her to me.

i talk about feelings all the time, too much, WAY too much, yet i couldnt communicate with her. i could just use stupid SIGNALS. and she could just use stupid SIGNALS. her signals were worse than mine! she didnt signal she was just gonna up and walk out and throw me away! i didnt see THAT coming!!!!!!

how do you drop out of high school and get into MIT?

how do you get a degree in PHYSICS but then go for a phd in CS?

i mean physics IS super respectable, its just super different than CS! why not get a BS in CS?

how do you get into a CS Phd at STANFORD, a decent skool? i mean its prob not as good as caltech or mit for CS, but its still good enough to get you a good 200k+ job.

you gotta work hard, make sacrifices, and be a little bit crazy / autistic / obsessed. and never get sidetracked from that goal by emotions or despair or life or setbacks or failures or rejections.

yet so many phd’s are batshit crazy, taking boatloads of psych meds. all of them are on ssri’s, and half of em are bipolar.

yet they still produce good work? well im talking about the tech ones. i mean CODE itself cant be fooking marxist to its core, thats one thing i like about code, compared to writing books and papers and articles that are marxist and antiwhite in their very fiber of being. code is not like that.

but that doesnt stop good coders from being sick marxist antiwhite SJW’s wanting ladybosses and more women in tech and teach girls to code etc.

what does it matter if you teach girls to write hello world code, if you have to be a DAMN GOOD CODER to get a damn tech job??????? it doesnt add up to me. you have to make the children AUTISTIC about coding so they build good coding skills and dont give it up.

i started, but i gave up, because it was super frustrating and i couldnt see it going anywhere!!!!!

i was kinda proud of the super complicated shit i did in C++, but i didnt feel ANY closer to what Real Coders did for Work!!!!! i still didnt understand the shit that 25 year old asian gurl MIT grads wrote about on their hacking/security blogs.

now im sure that gurl does do decent work. good for her. but i wonder if she would have gotten so far at such a young age, if she wasnt a hip qt little asian gurl who dresses like a cyberpunk slut when she gives tech talks, and Thirst Betas drooling over her asian ass hahahahaha. and i am SURE she has been with a LOT of guys, and i am SURE she is HORRIBLE to be in a rel with. because shes an autistic, successful, independent, stronk woman who has lots of wealthy guys showering her with attention all over the world.

just to clarify, yes im sure she does good work and probably deserves a good job in tech. i could never code that well because i dont have the code thirst hahahaha. i only took like 7 tech classes in college hahaha.  i dont know what node.js is. i dont know how to use a sniffer or why you would even use a sniffer or scraper. i know how to type tracert into a command prompt but i dont know what its telling me.

there were at least 3 young men at my shitty confusing tech support job who had full blown BS in CS degrees. not from MIT of courshe!!!!!!!!!!! and probably they were a lot like me: they saw this as a good meal ticket, a useful skill you could get a good job with…..but they were NOT AUTISTIC about it, they were just average coders, followers not leaders, they probably didnt understand node.js either, they just did the work and got their degree but did not have a github page filled with impressive personal projects. therefore they could not outcompete top american coders, and not get an entry level coding job, and therefore had to settle for a damn tech support job, with people without degrees, people with humanities degrees, people without A+ certification, etc. in other words if i got a CS degree i wouldnt get any further ahead than where i was. and getting a CS degree is hard as hell. “even” for these guys. it takes 4 hard years of full time hard CS courses! even being an average or below average CS grad is not a small achievement in my book!

its good to want to be the best……but you also have to make that want a reality, by ACTUALLY OUTPERFORMING everybody else and BEING the best. otherwise you just get stuck in a shitty job that literally drives you crazy and gives you a nervous breakdown and makes you Mentally Disabled 4 Lyfe! and now youre a damn HANDICAPPED person who needs DISABILITY payments because you CANT WORK, and you CANT LYFE. fook that shit.

while some gurl who is nowhere near as smart as you, and doesnt even know how to hello world, just goes with the flow and keeps makin the monay. im kinda jealous of HER!!!!!!

how could she NOT know i was hurting? in my email she never read and maybe doesnt even know i sent, i told her i was hurting. but the biggest signal was that i quit muh job because of her.

i never had someone quit their job because of me!!!!!

i like to think i would reach out to them and say WHOA HEY COME ON, you dont have to go THAT far, come on, DONT DO THAT, lets smooth things over and come up with an arrangment where you dont have to do that, we can still work together!

nope, no effort at that from her. and yes i DID want something like that from her! i wanted some sort of communication! and some sort of KINDNESS. why couldnt she show me even a SHRED of sympathy or kindness???!?!?!?! i didnt stab her in the back or the heart! we were friends for almost 3 years!

if you use a cigaret making machine, try to buy the same brand filter tubes as the brand of your machine. like premier or top. actually the gambler tubes worked allright for me even though i have a premier machine.

I ACTED IN GOOD FAITH with her at all times. even if i was scared to tell her an important thing. i always acted in good faith. i dont see how she could POSSIBLY act in good faith when she……….throws me away like a piece of garbage. there is no way you can do that in good faith.

GOOGLE thrown away like a piece of garbage

https://www.google.com/webhp?sourceid=chrome-instant&ion=1&espv=2&ie=UTF-8#q=thrown%20away%20like%20a%20piece%20of%20garbage

hahahahaha

http://www.relationshiptalk.net/discarded-like-trash-7522931.html

https://archive.is/trylw    archive of ^^^^ this one

http://www.examiner.com/article/have-you-ever-been-thrown-away-like-garbage

uhhh she did not present those warning signs, did not seem overly selfish or narciss. but heres a good point:

QUOTE

Another generality is deep-seeded selfishness. Now before you rebel at this, let’s look at some of the ways that selfishness gets disguised. People who throw others away will use such justifications as…I didn’t love him/her anymore. or There were just too many problems. It was overwhelming. or The relationship got stale. We just weren’t growing. Underneath all of these justifications is a theme of Me Me Me. I don’t want to be with someone I no longer love. I don’t want to do the hard work that could repair this relationship. I don’t want to be bored. The basic underlying characteristic of a relationship is that it consists of two people…not one. People who are that deeply selfish, need to stay out of relationships. But we know this isn’t going to happen, because they won’t be honest with themselves and attempt to change. They will continue to leave destruction and pain in their paths.

END

http://www.mdjunction.com/forums/bipolar-spouses-discussions/general-support/2426364-thrown-away-like-trash

https://bu.reddit.com/r/relationships/comments/1lhmin/me25m_with_my_gf_25f_of_8yrs_been_7_months_but/

broke up with him for no reason, he feels thrown away like a you know what, searched term on r/relships hahahaha

this ones pretty good too. he had her FB password and would log in and spy on her after the breakup to see that she fooked a new guy within 2 weeks and loved him, and said he was so much better than her xbf (the OP!) who was sitting there secretly reading these chats. thank god i never did that!!!!!!

he went through a horrible breakup, found a better woman, but they had to break up due to “circumstance”, probably somebody moving for a Career hahahaha. he is 24 and some kind of grad with a Career and even though he had 2 breakups that were worse than mine, and was devastated, he managed to start his career at a young age. maybe this was because he was not a drinker hahahahah or maybe he was an autisticcally talented coder from a good skool hahahaha and companies where competing to give him jobs hahaha.

basically the point is the man is always wrong, the woman is always right. if the man asks for advice, women tell him, oh heres all the things you did wrong that you didnt realize, now go beg for forgiveness. actually begging is bad, just g and be more perfect and hope she doesnt dump you, you dont deserve her hahahaha. she can do whatever she wants to you and you have to TAKE IT cuz its ALL ABOUT HER, ME ME ME ME ME, and if you dont like it, you can get out, you cant HANDLE such an AWESOME woman, youre no MAN enough to DESERVE her, if you cant HANDLE her at her worst, you dont DESERVE her at her best, or even when she’s being merely not shitty,

you woman hating needle dicked f4ggot rapey entitled niceguy creeper weirdo weak cowardly bitter hateful immature insecure clingy needy thirsty mamas boy!

like if you tell the gf she is acting like a child because she is throwing a stupid tantrum….YOURE the bad guy for talking to her like shes a CHILD. even though she is totally acting like a retarded bratty CHILD.

see

https://bu.reddit.com/r/relationships/comments/1cg3nc/my_22m_gf_20f_is_throwing_a_tantrum_that_includes/

anyway. if i ever wanted to GET RID of somebody, i MIGHT avoid them, but if they came at me begging for closure, begging for me to talk to them, and be nicer, i like to think i would be mature enough to say, wow, they are really hurting, i dont want to be responsible for that, im gonna at least try to SHOW THEM that im trying to let them down gently. that im making an effort, that i DONT want to HURT them.

hehhehehe and i am wasting SO MUCH precious time and money mourning over some woman who doesnt deserve it! shes making 15 DAH while i am making 0 DAH! more than 15 times what im making!!!!!!!  when i should not even be thinking about her ever, and making 16DAH while im doing it!!!!!!!!!!

so basically if someone does something, and you think, wow, i NEVER thought they could do something liek THAT to ME!!!!! then whats to say other people also wont hurt you in shocking, surprising, unknown unknown ways??? ways that you can never fathom or predict or understand or even prepare for or defend against?

they will find chinks in your armor you didnt even know were there, and slip the fookin sword in!!!!

bitches can

JELQ MUH DIQ

hahahahaha.

i couldnt remember what that word meant. i should not have looked it up hahahaha.

it just boggles my mind how much some stupid woman can hurt you, namely because you luv them TOO MUCH; and its mind boggling how DEGENERATE people can be. like her going off and jelqing dix of guys she just met. its just SO degen to be a slut doing promiscuous casual sex, it disgusts me SO much and makes me SO angry that women ruin themselves in such a disgraceful way. how can you make wives and mothers out of these pigs? i mean they would have to go through an INTENSIVE repentance and rehabilitation project.

so shes fooking guys, making videos, they are seeing and doing things i could only DREAM of, i never got to make out with her or cuddling with her, yet here they are fooking her up the ass and they dont even know each other or trust each other. something just seems so wrong about that. to indulge every sexual desire as quickly as possible. before getting to know each other.

how long does it take to really get to KNOW somebody?

at least a YEAR.

so wait at least a YEAR before having secs with a guy. bitches.

oh but he was so charming and secsy. i had no responsibility in the matter.

so youre saying you didnt consent? fook that shit. just make the CHOICE to CLOSE YOUR LEGS, WHORE.

say it with me: CLOSE YOUR LEGS, WHORE.

hahahahaha.

how HARD is it to KEEP YOUR LEGS CLOSED, WHORE.

very very very very very very hard, apparently.

HARDER THAN A GAMMA MALE TO GET SECS FROM A WOMAN.

yes. the woman you wanted to commit to and spend your life with and have children with, dumps you without a word, and goes and does PORNO DEGEN shit with random sleazy strangers, shit that makes schlomo rub his hands and say GOOD GOY, yes, discover yourself secsually, its so liberating, and theres nothing wrong with it!

so then women tell you, well you dont own her, she can make her own decisions, and if shes consenting to the promiscuous, pornographic secs, its all good.

well its true its her body and she can do whatever she wants. that doesnt make pornographic secs good or right or moral.

and all the worse when you were prepared to make real sacrifices for this woman, build a future with her. then she throws you away without a word.  now i have no PROOF she is out doing degenerate porno secs, but it wouldnt really surprise me. NOTHING would surprise me after the big surprise she gave me. if shes capable of THAT, shes capable of ANYTHING. abuse. abortion. torture. cheating. mvrder. degeneracy. promiscuous. porno. open rels. slippery slope. where does the degeneracy end??/?????!?!?!?! who knows??!?!?!?!

but i KNOW she USED to be a decent person. she wasnt hiding this secret alter ego from me all along. theres not even a secret alter ego i can blame it on. its just one big bad decision. in fact shes probably NOT having degen secs with randos, rather shes continuing being a Nice Gurl with her family, like she always was.

i just wish she had some REMORSE for this. and hadnt made such a BIG mistake. or at least showed REMORSE for it.

http://iqtest.dk/

i did this in like 20 out of 40 minutes and got a damn 115 IQ. that does not make me feel good about myself. i always thought i was more like 125 at least hahahahahaha. 115. i am a fooking idiot. i r not smart enough to become a stem master hahahaha.

i am the dumbest person on the trs forums hahaha

i could probably get a little higher if i got a few more questions right. its all pattern recognition but some of those patterns are RIDICULOUS mufooka. i guessed outright at at least 3 out of 40.

 

FULL BLOWN LUV IS MUCH MORE IMPORTANT THAN WANTING TO GET YR D WET

1231

had a dream where i was walking thru my old high school as like a 21 year old man. weird. not sure what i was doing or who i was looking for. wandering slowly. about 20 feet behind me i saw a gurl i hadnt seen in a few years, who i sorta liked, but was a huge mudshark slut. i would have liked to bang her tho. we were sorta friends very briefly, but i didnt know how to pull sluts, and she lost interest in me due to my omeganess and at the time sloppy drunkenness and just went and was a slut for musicians, hipsters, scumbags, and nonwhites  happily ever after hahaha.

so i was like its been a few years maybe i can have a fresh start and bang her whore ass. so i stopped walking and waited for her to catch up to me. she must have not seen me even though i was looking right at her, she stopped and talked to someone else.  ok fine i will come back in a few minutes. who the hell does she know here? well she fooks everybody (but me) and has 90000 fb friends, maybe she found another secsy man or person she knows. whatever she still looks good enough to bang.

i walked around a bit more then came back and saw she was talking to someone else this time. great. i didnt want to just interrupt tho that would have been the masculine thing to do.

i went into the cafeteria and in there i saw THAT WOMAN. she looked angry or upset and a young black man was trying to comfort her. i went down there cuz i wanted her to see me. she saw me. and then i started crying like a little bitch and started running out of there, moaning and wailing, saying nooooooo, how could you do this to me, whyd you do this to me…. real good show hahahaha. then i woke up and it was time to get up. but it was just stupid that she damn popped in in the last minute of the last dream before i had to get up. stupid.

yeah when someone drops you like this, you can ONLY THINK, what did i DO WRONG to DESERVE THIS? WHAT DID I DO WRONG?

yeah i should have been more straightforward, but she was refusing to meet with me, but stringing me along that we would meet someday. BUT i was also signaling hardcore, that i was NOT hiding. signaling that my feelings had changed for her. she CERTAINLY picked up on that and thats WHY she became distant. she didnt WANT to talk further about this, she just wanted me to STOP. i should have just taken that as my answer, but i dont work like that hahaha i always need to tell them and have them respond to it, which i dont think is inherently wrong!

so in other words, she KNEW what i wanted to talk about, and she did not want to talk about that AT ALL. she just wanted it all to go away. well it sure did.

redacted

do women have AGENCY? many on my favorite new forum would disagree.

i dunno. i just dont know. i would like to think that decent marriageable women have SOME agency.

i just really hate the idea that if i had had more agency, i could have been with muh luv. i could have won her. i could have made her luv me and want to be with me, if i had not screwed up, had been more masculine, more alpha, more agency, more strength, more of a man. but i failed and lose muh one true luv, who would be a good wife and mother of muh children, unlike sluts, or older women, or single moms, or whatever.

heh my 2d waifu sinead is in the MW new years hangout chatroom RIGHT NOW trying to get in the actual hangout. oh i would luv that.

her and renegade view the “alt right” as controlled opposition sellouts and cucks hehehehe. they have been talking smack about ramzpaul and richard spenser. havent seen any official sht talk from them against MW but i would like her to talk to MW. She could not find the link to the hangout and i almost WHITE KNIGHTED and sent it to her hahahaha. because i like her more than other fans of MW and TRS.

that the “alt right” is a bunhc of PUSSIES and WEAKLINGS and LUKEWARM and not willing to go all the way for whites, all talk, no action; moderates, degenerates, cucks, cowards, and that sinead and co are on the real winning team hehehehe.

and i am in luv with her because she is counter-semitic and looks like the woman who i am in Luv with hahahaha. and she is the qtest young woman ever seen in The Pro White Movement.

and its no use signaling to sinead because she is with the renegade guy i think who is way more handsome and alpha and younger than me, and she has a kid with him, and she wuld think i am a phaggot pussy omega not WORTHY of a decent white woman. go and get one from fookin cambodia or some sheet. cuz i am too soft on degeneracy and dont deserve a REAL woman.

well i kind of DONT! i am a huge loser! 8 pounds overweight, jobless, no confidence, no skills, no charisma, nothing to show for myself hahahaa. lost all muh frendz and muh job and muh woman and became a neet hehehehe.

a friend of a friend is 40 years old and i learned he has an 18 yo gf. INTERESTING, i said. i am interested in how that turns out.

redacted

there is nothing wrong with a 40 year old wiht an 18 year old, although normies even men would find it “weird.” the real stupid thing is assuming a 28 year old woman is any more amture than an 18 year old! when they bring up the “well the 18 year old is just not mature” argument. yet the 28 year old with 30+ men, IS somehow mature through that enlightening life experience.

the man was very lonely and had not dated in MANY YEARS so that was seen as factoring in. turns out the gurl was not terribly attractive, esp for an 18 year old! heck the 25 year old gurl i was in love wiht was better looking.

so there was thoughts oh he is so lonely and desperate to get his dick wet.

i sort of agreed but i would add, its now gone FAR BEYOND THAT. becuase now he is in FULL BLOWN LUV and thats the important thing now, that is MUCH more power than wanting to get your dick wet!

and possible she will dump him and he will be DEVASTATED. even worse than i was cuz hes in a rel with and banging this girl. and then he will be a 41 year old man dumped and devastated by a 19 eyar old gurl.

i hate to see that happen! cuz he is a great guy, met him a couple times. but TEXTBOOK beta niceguy. not the entitlement kinda nice guy either, but just a nice sweet gentle soul, who is gonna get dumped for being Too Nice and not Masculine Enough. and he doesnt deserve that! he deserves a nice 18 yo gf!

so “my” woman wasnt perfect but she ticked my most important boxes:

not a slut: VERY below average number of cox

really nice and sweet and gentle and loving and kind and caring (until she wasnt)

decent looking, perhaps a 7/10 and 25 years old, when am i ever gonna pull a gurl THAT HAWT again?

no kids

so yeah i think damn how could i ever do better than that. well by finding a woman who actually likes me. but she probably wont be as high quality! and i will always be COMPARING her to That Person.

so really the only thing i can do to have her fade away is TIME. i mean That Person technically wasnt as High Quality as the Previous Woman, who was healthier, had a better family life, more Emotionally Mature, and had even LESS cokz!!!!!! damn!!!!

and when i first met that person i was comparing her unfavorably to previous woman! but then eventually, in TIME, i got over previous woman and fell in total luv with That Woman!

so, IN SHORT, i could possibly get over that woman and fall just in luv with an even LOWER quality woman in a few years hahahaha.

oh yayyyyy my waifu sinead shiska is now in the hangout i hope she stays in there at least 1 hour and has a 1v1 convo with MW in the new current year

she is so purty, i guess she sort of looks like That Woman but sinead is technically better looking hahahaha

sinead was talking real fast and had that crazy look and then she abruptly left. she probably called them alt right phaggot woman hater mgtows who hate women and dont deserve a good woman like her, and that alt right is a bunch of talkers and compromisers who will sell out the huwhites while its TRUE pro whites like sinead who will save the white race by having white children and homeschooling them.

well i wuldnt disagree, that is a GREAT idea

i dont even know what she said, sound was not on, just watching the chat blow up faster than i could read it!

now sineads husbando kyle is on the hangout and sinead is in the chat hehehe. they might also be calling the alt right faggots for being pro christian, pagan is the only way hehehe

again i am not actually listening

well these are legit debates. i mean the alt right is not anything monolithically. some are christian, some are pagan, some are even atheist fedoras hahaha.

theres a new guy in there, i think its seventh son from TRS oh yasssss this might be the hottest hangout yet

this might not be the first time 7th son has shown his face…..buti have never seen his face until today!

010116

its the new current year hahahaha.

i watched the countdown on fox news and then went to bed at 1220 am hehehehe. though well whos SHE fooking or kissing at midnight. last time i “partied” was 2008-9 nye because then i was drinking. i am sure i got raging drunk. yeah i think all i did was get stupid drunk, then smoked a little bit of MJ and just got completely incoherent, and the gurl i wanted to be there, a dirty mudshark  crazy whore, was not even there, prob off at some other party getting drunk and fooked. i drank myself into oblivion and passed out on a couch or floor. woo hoo. great times.

so yeah i hate the tradition of you kiss some herpes ridden b at midnight who is just gonna suck some other guys d in 15 minutes hahahahaha.

well ideally you have a monog gf, or someone you are looking to make your monog gf, and then you make out with them at midnight.

i did this once when i invited Woman2 to nye party in 2004-5. i know i made out with her at some point. everyone was drinking of courshe, we went to my room, made out, i was too scared to plow her becuase i thought that was a serious thing, then she left and got plowed by another guy in the house, then i think came back to me an hour later, then left in the middle of the night hahahahaha. what a worthless whore.

however even she communicated better and treated me nicer at the very end than That Person did!

yeah i would totallly race mix with the truth will live, a qt jewish alt right gurl, who, like me, is OBSESSED WITH MORALITY, including of courshe sexual morality, and she understands why secs is serious and casual sex is IMMORAL. she is super qt as well, way qter than a J gurl should be, yet she showed her 23&me results, which is the kewl thing to do for young “alt rightists” who are interesting in race, and yeah she’s like 98% J. its legit.

http://www.goaskalice.columbia.edu/answered-questions/why-doesnt-he-appreciate-me-0

i mean i dont WANT to hate women. i dont want to be a pathetic woman hater who hates women becuase he cant get a woman!

but i cant get a woman and when i try they disappoint me in very immature and hurtful ways. they throw me away like garbage or make out with me, then leave and FOOK another guy, then come back to me again after having just been fooked by another guy. that’s not right! thats not normal! NAWALT!!!!!

and i really do treat women on a case by case basis. i dont prejudge them. but i sure as hell JUDGE them! and most times i am judging by evidence that i see or they plainly admit! just talking about their slutty lives and casual relships! and i just say mhmm mhmm tell me more, but in my mind i am judging them and crossing them off the list of acceptable wives because they are clearly living a degen life and have no morals!

well i shouldnt say that. they “JUST” have very compromised sexual morals. but that is a dealbreaker for me!!

this hacker weev seems pretty kewl and he is hip to the racialism. i would hate to compete against him for a quality woman hahahaha cuz i would get BTFO rightfully.

that feel when its your job to help someone, a customer or client, they’re talking about something you dont know, and you have to figure it out through sheer force of will and you cant pass them on to someone else. you can sort of get help from people who are too busy to REALLY help you so they just give you short unhelpful answers via a chat program. that and shitty technical articles are your only resources for solving and explaining whatever ridiculous shit your person has. god damn i hated this. i would get so nervous before each day of work i would say like 2 rosaries worth of hail marys, starting before i even got out of bed, contiuing as i got ready, chugged coffee, pooped 3 times becuase the coffee, drove off to get there a solid 45 minutes before clocking in just so i could Self Train, make a good impression with higher ups, talk to people about Techincal Issues and try to win friends and influence people so i wasnt seen as a weird neet autist, read emails, read new/updated tech documents/articles/news,  hail marys all the way, drinking more coffee, pooping again.

the constant nervousness really sucked. damn i hated being so NERVOUS all the time!

and SHE was there every day with me. at first she was moral support and i couldnt do it without her. then she was kryptonite and i couldnt do it WITH her there. my god how insane.

ok time to go to fatclub. my resolutions for new year are to lose weight and get new job.

not to get over her because i cant see that happening before 2017 hahahahaha. also even 2 resolutions is too much hehehehe. i am optimistic about losing weight, but i dont NEED to lose weight as much as i NEED to get damn slave job hahahaha.

 

DO YOU EVEN CARE WHO SPRAYS SPERM INTO YOUR UTERUS?

1023

yeah a good point is, even when things were going BAD, i didnt think they were going so bad, although I was getting very nervous about it, or maybe it was just my hugely nerve wracking job. thing is, i would GET MY “FIX” just by SEEING her, even if she were being cold and mean and distant. it didnt matter. i wuld just SEE her and automatically think of the nice kind caring person she used to be, and think that person was still there for me, and that with a little communication, we could get back to that. we would get through this! i couldnt believe she wanted to be done with me completely! she said i was a good friend wawawaawawawawaw.

never believe what they say, believe what they DO.

and it sucks when you want to work on something, and they dont, they just want to give up.

well i mean its her right to not want to be in a rel with me. i am just upset she chose to end it in the worst most hurtful way possible and show NO regard for my feelings.

and so when i send her emails she doesnt WANT to read, then i am technically STALKING her. because she doesnt WANT to talk to me, and i am trying to talk to her.

hahahaha well its been like 65 days since i have intiated contact with her. and gotten no response. i cant remember the last time she INITIATED contact with me! near the end when she wanted OUT, of course she was not initiating contact at all.

well even if we WERE Dating and I was giving her hard brutal chad thunderc0ck poundings to make her gush and squirt with 9000000 female orgazmz, then she still has the right to Lose Interest, and decide she doesnt want to Work on the relship any more. just to wake up one day, say i dont like him any more, and i want out, i dont want to work on it, i dont want to work on myself, well, im gonna dump you right now so i can “work on myself” but really just get banged by other, newer chads!

but willing to work on something means that you you Love this person and you dont want the relationship to end.

do you want the relationship to end or not. very simple.

then you will say no i dont, and the woman will say i dooooonnnnnt knoooooooooow stop harrassing me and asking me ridiculous questions!!!!

hehehe never forget that she dumped me. how ridiculous is it, for the dumpee to beg the dumper to reconsider dumping him? AND how likely do you think that is to actually work? fook.

well if this was a CODEPENDENT thing I feel I will get over that as well. i think that was just because i had strong feelings for her that were going unexpressed. and i was trying to take control/blame for things i could not control. like whether she liked me or not. and if she wanted out, it was ALL MY FAULT.

Whatever discussion that you think will be uncomfortable now, will be a million times worse later. -some person on depression forums

so have the uncomfortable discussion as soon as possible.

anyway i just feel like i will be alone forever and never find somebody  i care about as much as her.

not to mention jobs and shit! foooooook me.  thinking about increasing my “citalopram” dose up from 20 mg to something higher in the near future.

really wish things had worked out with her hahahaha. we actually GOT ALONG with each other and didnt rush thru shit. other girls, you start physical shit right away, they are kinda easy and slutty, go through the motions, and then several weeks or months later they dump you because you are too clingy because you actually want a relationship. oh perish the thought. you want to have a relationship with the people you are fooking.

sex/rels are very CHEAP for a woman to GET, it costs like 1 dollar, while men have to pay 900000000000000000000000 dollars to.

BUT the risks are much higher for women after they start having sex with chad. that’s WHY those prices are so different.

but the women dont seem to appreciate those big risks! and just have sex with manny chadz, but never you hahahaha.

she USED to CARE about me! why did she STOP CARING about me? she didnt have to Luv Me Back, but she could have TRIED to not hurt me so much! she could see i was not reacting well to this! I quit the damn job because of her! (well, not JUST her, but she was the catalyst.) and those emails! didnt she even READ them? of COURSE not!

i wish there were jobs where you didnt have to Face the Customer/Client ALL DAY EVERY DAY. to give you a damn break from talking to people, thinking about shit NONSTOP. here go clean the whatever for 2 hours after you have been running around serving and talking to poeple for 6 hours. them wanting you to do shit and you have no idea what they are talking about! foooooook that! just be a damn mexican mowing lawns for 12 hours a day, dont even need to speak english, can probably smoke MJ as well.

but yeah how do you ever trust somebody again. how do these women get over stuff so FAST. she is being a success at life and i am beign a total failure. how could she do this do me hahahaha. because it was the easy way out. it is easier for HER to say nothing than to have an awkward Breakup Conversation. but it is 90000000 times harder for me! at least send me an EMAIL saying SORRY, but this has to end, I did enjoy the good YEARS we had, but I cant give you what you want. say SOMETHING. shit blame me and tell me its all my fault. then i could at least say bitch you cray its not all my fault, its your fault cuz you cray.

oh well i am not completely horrible with women, i have had female friends, i have dated women.

i am just annoyed when women move too fast. i think you want me to fook you? YOU DONT EVEN KNOW ME! I COULD BE A SERIAL KILLER! IM NOT, BUT YOU DONT KNOW THAT! DONT YOU CARE WHO SPRAYS SPERM INTO YOUR UTERUS?????!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!? you SHOULD! you KNOW you can get pregnant right? are gurls less of SLUTS in places like alabama, where there is only like one abortionist in the whole state? in states with fewer abortionists, are women lesser SLUTS? is my Research Question.

well theoretically a Physically Abusive Chad could just start Punching the Woman in the Babby Belly until she has a Miscarriage, like in my favorite movie “Seul Contre Tous” hahahahahaha.

havent watched that one in a while, it might be time to fire it up hahahaha.

but this has ROCKED me to the core. other women who dumped me, i can just say well i never really KNEW them, i didnt realize how stupid they were.

but i KNEW her! I knew and trusted her for two years!!!!!

no excuse. women who have been married for TWENTY YEARS dump their hubbys because one day they wake up and say i’m not 100% happy and idk why, but this is over, i dont luv him anymore, im not willing to work on it, i just want chads thunkderc0cks now and nothings gonna stop me.

this is why women are worse than men hahahahaha.

so yeah you can KNOW and TRUST somebody for TWENTY years and they can just one day lose interest and dump you and not be willing to even TRY to work on things. they just want OUT and you have to accept it like a ballless beta bitchboi hahahahaha.

well you can NEVER make a person STAY. but i think you are entitled to give them a piece of your mind and say this really really really sucks, i cant beleive you would do this to me, i cant believe youre not willing to try to work things out, this is fooking horrible, i am devastated at what youve done, i feel betrayed by what youve done, this fooking SUCKS, thanks a lot. why cant we work this out. why are you doign this to me.

ok time for a 4.4 miler

ok did that. probably gained 10 pounds while i did it hahahahaha

what if i meet a nice single mom someday and she is real nice and caring to me but i am not into her because she is a single mom and i am prejudiced against single momz? or becuase i am still hung up on this other woman years from now? and also it doesnt matter if someone is real nice to you at one time, because they can do a 180 and be real mean to you and throw you away when you start to like them!

well i wont let it get to that point because i will have better Communication. i will Check In Early and Check In Often.

CHECK IN EARLY AND CHECK IN OFTEN.

meaning, welp, don’t have feelings for you quite yet, but i might in the future, and because I check in often, I will be sure to let you know when i do. HOW ABOUT YOU? take a lot of chads thunderc0cks this week hahahaha get a lot of abortionz this week? oh noes the closest abortionist is 10 miles away Im so sorry!

hehehehehe

also when you have your prospective wife on the polygraph and youve asked her how manny cox shes taken, how manny abortionz she’s had, whats the shortest amount of time shes known a guy before jumping on his thunderc0ck, how many guys has she cheated on, how many guys has she cheated with, how many open relationships has she had…… also ask her how many times shes dumped a guy by just ignoring him entirely and throwing him away. also ask how many times shes dumped vs being the dumper.

“OH IT DOESNT ALWAYS HAVE TO BE THAT WAY, ya know many times both people agree to end the rel.”

said no man ever hahahahaha. can only be said by a woman. women are always the dumpers hahahahahaha.

well thats not true, i know The Woman has been dumped.

well that doesnt help me any does it! cuz she still dumped me worse than women who always do the dumping!

maybe because she’s not used to dumped, so she does it poorly?

IT DOESNT MATTER! it wont make her take me back! it wont ease my pain!

reading exaholics, i can see that some people are having their exes contact THEM and “say all the right things”, but then a week later BOOM the ex is up to their same old bullshit again. this would be the equivalent of HER contacting ME (just like ive been wanting!!!) and apologizing and saying lets work on this…..and then soon after, back to the bad shit. or worse, her actively going back and forth from me to any number of chad thnderc0x. so yeah seeing people with some REAL shitty exes on this forum make me realize that my situation could be worse hahahahaha. she could be pulling some REAL bullshit liek THAT. YES some people ARE that shitty.

neediness. well, part of LOVING somebody is that YES you DO need them. neediness is caused by Real Love. now i guess you can be TOO needy like needing to text them 90000000000 times a day but i never got to that point. but i wouldnt mind texting the person on a regular basis!

i am angry and sad because it seems like she CHANGED (for the worse) a lot more than i did. Yeah i went from platonic to non platonic but I was the same basic same person. it was like she was a different person. went from being nice and friednly and cared about me, to being mean and cold and didnt care about me at all!!! that fookin HURTS!!!!!!

https://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/valley-girl-brain/201004/why-friends-first-doesnt-work

dumb article hahahaha by a dumb b

https://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/getting-back-out-there/201506/when-the-person-you-love-doesnt-love-you

this is from susan elliott whose book i bought and who has much more helpful things to say.

did a 2.8 miler after eating huge indulgent unhealthy comfort dinner

maybe she was mad at me because she felt i was dishonestly pretending to be her friend the whole time, as just a sneaky shady way to get her trust and then Get With Her. this was not the case AT ALL but she wouldnt listen to my explanation. i tried to talk to her the second i got feelings. she then refused to ever hang out with me ever again. yeah i should have just told her without hanging out and gotten rejected a few months earlier. that was a big lesson i learned.

also it is preposterous that she would not hang out with me AT ALL. all I wanted was ONE hangout. you just dont stop hanging out altogether one day. but she did. just like she stopped talking to me altogether one day.

and it is UNHEARD OF to do that to someone you have known for two YEARS, even if you are having troubles.

 

 

SHE GOT WHAT SHE WANTED

102

did a 4.2 miler, was kinda windy and cold hahaha.

thought maybe i could contact the womans mother and beg the MOTHER to talk to her daughter hahahahahah like yeah she might have said i was being weird and bugging her a lot, i really wasnt, and i just wanted to talk about something that was bothering me. you know i am not a bad guy and i would treat your daughter right for the long term. and then she would probably say she doesnt want to talk to you, shes done with you, dont contact any of us ever again.

so, should I contact the mother? maybe if i knew the mother better! i only met her 2 times hahaha. but in the good old days my female friend would tell her mother how cool i was.

heh fook if she had invited me to do crimmus or thanksgiving things that would have been nice!

so apparently when you go to a marriage counselor and they teach you communication skills, that just makes you “fight more”.

we never really fought at all, because that would involve talking hahaha.

this is why i like writing emails or letters, or recording voice files. this should be textbook stuff.

http://www.wikihow.com/Category:Heartbreak-and-Breaking-Up

http://www.pbs.org/thisemotionallife/topics

http://www.wikihow.com/Stop-Being-Needy

http://www.wikihow.com/Fix-a-Broken-Heart

http://www.wikihow.com/Tell-if-You-Are-Codependent

http://www.wikihow.com/Be-Less-Clingy

103

it has been 81 days since i was devastatingly dumped, and i feel ____________  hehehehe. i feel angry and devastated and angry and hopeless and numb. hahahaha. actually right this second i feel ok, have been reading some right wing news sources (therightstuff.biz and breitbart.com)

so what did i do wrong?

well i pushed her to hang out by asking her every 2 or 3 weeks if she might want to hang out this weekend.

she said she needed space. i tried to give her some space but i had no idea how much space she needed. after like a month or so i was asking her to hang out again.

i made the mistake of not being more masculine or direct, should have said welp how much space do you need? and more importantly should have directly said:

the reason i want to hang out is because i want to talk, and what i want to talk about are muh feelings towards you. i have feelings towards you, do you have feelings towards me? lets deal with this.

the end.

my cowardice in broaching this topic probably caused her to lose all respect for me and to dump me in such a cold harsh way, so if i Broached Earlier, i probably could have got a better dumping.

but if she really wanted me, then she would have hung out with me and given me some positive signals hahahaha.

and even though i was cowardly, i still dont think i deserved to lose THAT much respect and to be treated THAT poorly. have a damn heart. how could u be so heartless hahahaha.

http://www.fanficmaker.com/

honestly yeah i was a little beta and emo and faggy and i know women HATE this but my GOD. try to remember the fact that im not just some random beta. we knew each other for a long time. so you were annoyed at me because…..i wanted to hang out? maybe because i was cowardly and did not come right out and say i had feelings. oooh i didnt think of THAT yet in my 81 days of obsession! maybe she was mad BECAUSE she knew i wanted to tell her something, but i was too cowardly to come out and SAY it!  and thats why she was SO mad!

well i argue she didnt have to get THAT mad. once again, the value of the long term friendship TRUMPS that.

but not when it comes to WOMEN having SCORN for the BETA hahahaha. their Contempt is Literally Limitless. Women are designed by Evolution to have Heart-Freezing Contempt for the Beta. doesnt matter if that beta was once a close long term friend. because that doesnt matter. the beta changed the game the second he wanted to view the woman as a potential suitor. then the woman SCOFFS in CONTEMPT. PSHAW!

did 4.2 milers

i was OPEN to her, she was CLOSED to me.

i was trying to show Warmth and friendliness and openness to her; she was showing only closedness and coldness and bitchiness to me.

oh yeah, youll like this one:

i did not CONSENT to being dumped.

CONSENT is the most important thing. both people must CONSENT enthusiastically to sex.

but when it comes to getting dumped, its ok if one person does not consent, because really what it is, is the Dumper is not consenting to being in the Rel any more. “I dont consent to be in this rel” overrules “i dont consent to being dumped!”

at any rate you are being hurt without your consent, so it is a kind of violation hahaha. a little raep hahaha.

how come i dont get to consent to the dumping????

becuase it takes two to consent to start it, and only one to consent to end it.

hehehhehehe. this is like if a  guy is trying to Coerce a gurl into Secs and she does not give consent, well he doesnt give his consent to her not giving her consent, hahahahaha.

in other words, you cant make a person love you; you cant make a person stay in a rel.

so yeah your consent in this matter is not important at all, compared to their consent to stay in the rel. it really is a zero sum game, there is no win win. actually the pain for you is probably worse than the benefits for her when she leaves. she is pretty happy that she is done with you, but shes forgotten about you in a few days. ancient history.

you are in great pain for 8100 days, devastated. pretty big pain differential hahahaha.

so yeah my consent “argument” is bullshit i admit that hahahaha

but the decent thing to do is to realize you leaving the rel is gonna be painful to the other person, so you show that youre not a piece of shit, but trying to let them down easy, make some effort to do that. so i didnt deserve respect because i didnt man up and blurt it out earlier fine i get that. but i didnt deserve THIS much disrespect. i deserved no more than 5, and i got 10.

i also liked the im gonna set aside 30 minutes a day to think about this. NO MORE. and then if you start thinkign about it outside of that block, you say NOPE! STOP! i have already budgeted this 30 minutes to think abotu it, think about it then.

it would be much easier to be rejected by a degen slut than a “Good woman”. however if its any consolation she may be on her way from Good Woman to Degen Slut! sliding down the semitic slide of degeneracy hahahaha

also i am shocked becuase i didnt think she HATED me that much. i knew she was mad.frustrated/annoyed at me, but not to THAT extent! i still dont believe it!

this is why you communicate! thatis the big lesson i learned here, the power of communication.

also that communication would have not necess “fixed” anything, ie, if she had had feelings for me, OR if she had WANTED to commuincate, she would ahve communicated.

i clearly wanted to communicate. she clearly did not want to communicate.

if she had really wanted to smooth things over with me, she would have. if she had been in Luv with me, she would have hung out with and talked to me. she really had no desire to do anything. so she really was clearly communicating that. fook. just treat me better. treat me like we actually had the friendship that we did. because i wasnt so bad as to deserve this. this treatment should only be given to horrible people who have wronged you.

i would expect this out of a 16 year old old. not someone who is WELL over 21 or 22 years old.

she acts like a bad guy, and she thinks IM the bad guy and that she is perfectly justified in doing this!

shes the bad guy but she thinks shes the good guy, even though the evidence clearly shows that she is the bad guy and i am…a bit awkward but not nearly as bad and shitty and horrible as her!

why did u do this? seriously!

because it was easiest. it was the easy way out. its easier to avoid problems and conflict than to face them.

PERIOD.

maybe she didnt HATE me, but she SURE doesnt want to get with me.

if she wanted to get with me, she would.

if she wanted to Face The Situation, she would have.

she wanted to not face the situation, AND she wanted not get with me.

she got what she wanted!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

anyway if she wanted me back……she would get me back.

me contacting her now and persuading her to give me an apology would be RIDICULOUS. although i DESERVE one. but it would be ridiculous to expect given her treatment of me.

i could NEVER convince her to Get With Me.

of course i will NEVER understand how something so good could end so bad.

well sure i do: becuase i was a weak, cowardly, pushy, spineless, annoying BETA, a lesser beta at that, and this makes the pvssy SNAP SHUT. decent, low mileage women, good marriageable women, will treat you with UTTER CONTEMPT and CRUELTY once you reveal to them that you are a Lesser Beta.

the nicest gurls, the most decent low-cok women, will treat you WORSE than a CHEATER and NEVER feel bad about it, if you act like a beta to them. it doesnt’ matter if youve known them for 2 or 3 or 10 years.

and they will still want the cheater. better for you to be a cheater than a beta. then you might have a chance of getting the gurl back hahahaha oy vey its like another shoah.

because you see, for All Women, being beta is worthy of NO respect. less respect, luv, or attraction than a guy who cheated on you. of COURSE they cant treat you like a human being! youre not one!

so the female equivalent of a lesser beta male is a SLUT. someone who has low ass mate value for their gender. but i still treat sluts like HUMAN BEINGS even though i have contempt and disrespect for them! i still treat them with a minimum of respect! that women, even a decent moral kind woman, will never treat a beta male!

well she always knew i was a beta right? the idea that she never saw me date gurls had to be a big clue. and then when i directed that interest to her, it was the worst thing in the world for her. better a scumbag cheater than a beta, at least the scumbag cheater makes you TINGLE.

shit.

i would never treat a slut like this! unless they cheated on me!

plus they would just find a man and get over their broken heart real quick.

even sluts dont waste too much time on BETAS. betas are ever WORSE than sluts!!!!

wawawawawawawawawaw

104

it has been 82 days since the disgraceful disrespectful dumping and i feel fineeeeeeeeeeee ahahahahaha no. feel about the same as yesterday hahaha. which is angry, sad, despairing, some shock, how could she do this, i dont believe this, this cant be, its all my fault, if i werent such a cuck beta loser she would have luved me, i made her do this with my loserness and weakness, she was the only woman who was not a promiscuous slut and also not bad looking, i will always compare future women to her, this is the best i will ever do, its all downhill from here, im getting too old, i will never get close to a woman of this quality again, its all low quality from here on out, time to lower the standards.

hahahaha.

QUOTE:

Argent Templar 2 hours ago

Thank you for doing this MW this is one of the few issues I have felt strong on the entirety of my life, that cheating on your significant other is one of the worst things you can do emotionally and morally. I think there is a tendency in trying to be alpha male and in reaction to feminism to try and signal too hard and say that a man can fuck anyone he wants and that any sort of emotional and spiritual commitment to one women is a sign of a cuckoldry. I think one can be a romantic and monogamous without being a white knight or a beta male. I mean if anything the traditional image of the alpha strong male was a man who would kick the ass of his enemies and go home to his wife and kids. Anyways I think what we need to try and be doing is to make marriage and having children look masculine again and yes to a certain extent sexy. The whole MGTOW naval gazing I am going to take my ball and go home is bad for civilization and ultimately the answer is to restore traditional gender roles, not to go our own way or becoming cucked white knights.

/QUOTE

from

anyhow. yeah. should go out for a nice powerwalk here.

also i was thinking about using this to write more Angry Letters Addressed Directly To Her, that i would not send.

so if you ever see me referring to “YOU” in kind of an angry or weird way, thats what i am doing.

Don’t say, “I cant believe you would hurt me, you would abandon me,” say

“I feel abandoned when we never hang out and never talk. I feel like i am ignored and unwanted and neglected and abandoned” hahahahaha this way you take ownership of your feelings with I Statements, and dont Blame Them with You statements.

I feel unloved, uncared for, ignored, betrayed (hahahahah), rejected, like crap, like a piece of garbage, thrown away.

I feel thrown away like a piece of garbage when you never hang out with me, never talk me.

I feel uncared for when you seem to have stopped caring for me like you used to. we never hang out anymore, we never spend time together, we never do anythign fun, I feel Rejected and Shot Down and Worthless.

of course it is beta as hell to talk like this, and you deserve it for your wife to leave you or cuck you!

the stefan molyneux vidya above where he talks to both a guy and a gurl on a conference call, she wants an open rel, he doesn’t, but he is so beta he migth allow it just to keep her, if it means sharing her with another man, oops sorry, plural, several other MEN, so sorry my darling, my ray of sunshine. anything my sweetie wants. any and all the dicks.

THIRSTY. the way “Young Adult” women TALK is so stupid. i mean 20-29 hahahaha. they are technically adults, out of Undergrad, either starting IMportant Careers, living in Big Cities, Experimenting, finding themselves, being Promiscuous and nihilistic in their “Freedom”, reading cosmo and thought catalog and buzzfeed and daily show and jezebel and gawker and shit, and using words like THIRSTY to describe Horny, Desperate Men, desperate for sex. Basically the Hip word for “desperate” used by Hip Young Women who hate desperate men.

heh. turn their shitty words back on them. these degen whores are THIRSTY for alpha cok, guzzling alpha cvm. Can I Live Without Alpha Cok until after the wedding? idk lol

letter: i am angry because I wish you had treated me better. You cant just throw people away like that. if you do that to the wrong guy, he will react very poorly.  but mainly i wish you could try to treat me as you would like to be treated. be nicer to me. i know you dont return my feelings, but dont get so contemptuous of me for HAVING the feelings. i am still the same guy you have known for 2.5 years. i just got feelings. i told you the story of how and when and why i got them. yeah it was bad timing, yeah it was related to what was going on with your other relationships, it is what it is. im the same guy but things changed in an important way. of course that would affect our friendship directly. i was trying to talk to you about it. but we could never meet up. i didnt really want to talk about it over text or email or phone or at work cuz it was a pretty important thing to me. i didnt mean to be pushy to you but i wish you had given me some kind of timeframe, like yep we can talk in january, rather it seemed like a “someday never comes” situation. yeah i screwed up by not reading the signals that we WERENT gonna hang out at all…..but i also kinda thought we were. i believed you when you said we would hang otu someday.

but by february things were getting so ridiculous for me, and possibly for you to, that i should have just told you right then and there. but i was still scareed and still thought we were gonna hang out soon.

and then when you stopped talking to me altogether, i was heartbroken and destroyed and felt like i couldnt go on. it was just too much for me to handle. i blamed myself for everything and was dead to the world for months. i wish you had just told me that you didnt want to be friends anymore. that would have hurt a lot less. the way it happened now, i feel like you just wanted to throw our entire friendship away, and throw me away like garbage. nobody likes that. would you like that?

you dont have to like me, but at least treat me with a little respect when you decide to end this relationship. its fine that we cant be friends anymore but dont hate me for getting feelings for you. how would you feel if those guys HATED you for getting feelings for them, then they threw you away and refused to talk to you or give you any respect or any explanation?

even though I liked you, i had real respect for you too, and it hurt to give you that respect, but to get none back from you. you used to respect me, and now you dont respect me at all, and i dont think i did anything to deserve losing that respect so much.

and i am a hurting a lot, from at one time having a good friendship with you, to now having nothing. it felt like you turned off all caring and concern to me. i missed that greatly. my heart was broken.

i had not been this close to a woman in years, not even with the women i last dated. this was a big deal to me. i am devastated and heartbroken. this was the most serious relationship i’ve had with a woman in a very long time. i have dated women where we werent this close, and didn’t last as long, and you meant more to me than them.

i forgive you for hurting me because i know you didnt mean to hurt me this much, and some of it is due to my own feelings, and also i know you were overwhelmed and emotionally compromised. but i wish we could have communicated even just a LITTLE, so this wouldnt have been so damn painful for me. and so i wouldnt have such mixed feelings towards you. it didnt have to hurt this much.

ok that sort of stuff is letter oriented.