MORE IMPOSTOR THAN DUNNING KRUGER

dec 5

WOW JUST WOW. heres a FIRST in mother fooking almost a year and a half, in fookin 16.5 almost 17 months to be exact, the famous first is that i went to a JOB today and earned MONAY. That much feelsgoodman but I also feel impostor syndrome, like i am a dumb weirdo and these people are giving me a chance but i am too slow on the uptake, im not taking that chance, i’m not ATTACKING it, and they will be disappointed in me.

the job itself seems SUPER LOW STRESS and everybody was chill and happy. I mean i have really hit the jackpot there. i should give some money to GOD right now for that. AND I know this woman that works there, i used to work with her 3+ years ago, she is a good person, saw her today.

there is technically a lot of stuff to learn but i didnt feel the PRESSURE to learn all this crazy shit FAST and EXPLAIN it to frustrated people who are gonna GRILL you on it. so its safe to say this job will be a LOT EASIER and a LOT LOWER STRESS than my previous job. which is awesome.

the people are nice and available for questions. HOLY SHIT.

on one hand i just want to survive one day at a time.

on the other hand, i want to ATTACK IT and SHOW INITIATIVE and PROVE MYSELF and EARN RESPECT.

i dont want to be a TIMID MILQUETOAST.

Like so one guy with a masters degree is helping the other guy with the masters degree with the software and I am watching and learning, and Im like these are successful people who are Good At Adulting, who have got masters degrees and Reaped The Benefits by having Good Career Jobs.

and here i am, a huge loser who cant get a job for 16 months sitting there trying to look smart and ask smart questions and act normal like i am a normie adult, when i am super far from being a normie adult.

i guess the thing is to “FAKE IT TILL YOU MAKE IT” and really i will have to do a lot less of that here.

just remind myself this is NORMAL the FIRST DAY OF A DAMN JOB.

its been a while since i had the FIRST DAY OF A NEW JOB. it has been fookin THREE YEARS since that. well, 2.95 years hahaha.

transitions can be stressful even if the job is not stressful.

be mindful. let the thoughts float away. the judgments about muh self. just try to be nice to the people.

i mean i am ALWAYS nice but i am also Timid and I don’t want that.

also i can’t do much because there is a lot that is tied to my email/login stuff, and apparently the IT dept has a Policy where they cant get my account set up until after I have started my first day.  not before!

well i gave them 30 minutes of unpaid time today just to tie up some meeting stuff, like talking to the boss, etc.

the people here are very chill about getting there on time hahaha. i forgot about that. this workplace, ive worked at it before, from about 2009 to about 2013, and there were many many things i liked about it. and i am seeing that much of that, like the chill setting and the nice people, might carry over. and here i will have even LESS direct customer contact. but muh customers will be a generally higher level. masters degree people hehehehe.

yeah but there are some people in the dept that DONT have a masters degree.

i decided not to bring donuts on the VERY FIRST DAY becuase that would look TRYHARD, like i am DESPERATE to be liked and accepted. i can bring donuts another day. prob my last day of this week which is thursday.

i asked them about coffee. people like to drink coffee. great i said. i have some folgers at home i can bring in for everyone to use. there is a mr coffee for folgers and also a keurig machine. a goddam keurig. i guess its not THAT fancy. i mean im open to having a cup of keurig once in a while but i am a folgers man every day.

i wore dark blue dress slacks and a decent fitting Poplin/Oxford Dress Shirt, white with blue stripes. I looked pretty good. I made a half joke about how I could wear a tie if you think that would be good.

Wore black skechers shoes which are NICE but they are also too BIG. I shouldnt have bought them but this was over 3 years ago I bought these shoes. I actually wore them when i was working at this place the first time. jeez.  so this time i would go to WALMART and get some nice black shoes for reasonable price.

i mean i just gotta RELAX and be MINDFUL and not FREAK OUT. i mean theres NO REASON to freak out. everyone is NICE, they are not pushing weird shit on me, all this is OBVIOUSLY in my own head.

BATTLEMIND.

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Battlemind

military toughness mental training. how to stay cool in COMBAT. I should really look into this. just learned this word today hehehe.

i am thinking of making like 10 hamburgers patties at once on a cookie sheet in the OVEN. then put the burgers in the freezer. then i can eat a Hamburger for a snack while i am at muh job, if i am not so nervous and spazz that I cannot even think of eating.

i mean it is a mental thing now. everyone there is nice, its just my own INSECURITY and Inferiority Complex that I’m fighting against.

and here i’ve been reading a ton of job related shit while at home. well i kinda wanted to. again just becoming more familiar with the field in general. i suppose it would be better ot study the exact stuff in particular, the software, well i sort of did.

should try to see if i can sync a google drive folder on the job computer. might be restricted tho. but i can get to the google drives website. cuz they are sharing google documents with my gmail address, ie they intentionally use google docs to share stuff. i mean why not.

shit i forgot to ask the boss about his phd program. and his kids. and his previous jobs. 99% sure he is a democrat and might be a progressive activist one. he is big on education and worked in Inner City schools and certainly believes that poor blacks kids are every bit as capable and smart as privileged huhwhyte kids. and he has had a successful career, plenty of respect, and a wife and 3 kids to encourage his Weltanschauung hahahaha. he clearly is doing things right!

credit Salty Seaman with his parody of Kyke cernovich’s “gorilla mindset” with “chimpanzee weltanschauung” hehehehe.

http://english.stackexchange.com/questions/17908/whats-the-difference-between-weltanschauung-and-worldview

fooking intellectuals just jerking each other off hahahaha.  see this is one reason i dont want a masters degree. or especially a phd. its all mental masturbation .

anyway the boss is a good guy. i just wish he were a Rightist instead of probably a Leftist.

Well I think HIS boss is more of a rightist than a leftist hahaha. he already has his phd hahaha. but from a less prestigious skool. one of those classic working career adult completes phd in their spare time much like a MBA or something. i mean thats a good accomplishment too. the guy is obviously a hard worker, very ambitious, persistent, tough, BATTLEMIND, all good qualities. this guy is VERY masculine and somewhat intimidates me. shit he was also my boss’s boss 3-4 years ago so yeah I sorta know him. he is everybodys boss.

ambitious people dont like unambitious people and vice versa, sez famous negroball coach nick saban. for me this is hauntingly true. ive never been ambitious although i could have been successful if i were, cuz i used to have a good brain. but never had the work ethic. so people that DO have a strong work ethic, i worry about them looking DOWN on me as a Lazy Bum who doesnt Wanna Work Hard. Theyre not wrong, but I dont think that makes me a horrible person hhahahahahaha. but this guy is very ambitious and i dont want him to look down on me, cuz i respect him and what he’s done. thats a big part of it too, you dont want people YOU respect to disrespect YOU. you think someone is a good role model, and they think you are a lazy bum.

well he doesnt think i am a lazy bum. i hear he thought pretty highly of me when i interviewed with him once for a FT job in 2014. i guess i actually can sound sort of smart in interviews. then once i get the job i sound like an idiot hahahahaha.

http://workplace.stackexchange.com/questions/80549/does-using-documentation-as-a-developer-make-me-look-unprofessional

heh. this guy is worried that looking stuff up makes him look dumb to his coworkers, because he doesnt automatically know it. never mind asking them dumb questions!

thankfully the responses are largely no, what you are doing is smart and good.

dec 6

everyone at the job is nice and there is no pressure, but i am putting a ton of pressure on myself to be smart and impressive and funny and likeable and normie and charismatic and fun and smart and a team player and a value adder and asking smart questions not dumb questions.

everyone is also super accomplished, basically everyone i work with or talk to has a masterz degree or a phd but they dont have a big head about it either. now i want masters degree people to know i am every bit as smart as they are…..but i dont want to get a masters degree. they are ambitious and career oriented so they were very motived to get an advanced degree. i am not. but i cant say that here. like yeah im just as smart as you, i just didnt want to work as hard. but they arent such workaholics that they arent nice, or are weird. everybody is nice and has families and children. sometimes i want to say “you know i only make 11 dollars an hour and dont have a masters degree in this field right? i mean im not an idiot and my undergrad was better than your undergrad hahahahaha but then i went off the reservation and became a loser after that point.

but everyone is very understanding and theyre like yeah i know thats a lot of stuff to be thrown at you.

it KINDA is, but not any more than i had before, plus the important part is, i dont have to answer phones all day and fix things for users of this software and explain it, while having nothing but the Documentation to assist me in that chore, and experts were very unavailable. here, the experts are just chilling out and you are sitting in a room right next to them with the phone only ringing once an hour! its SUCH a different environment, 180, i mean its 14880000000000180 times BETTER and more POSITIVE!!!!!!

Just some person with a masters degree in tech, whos an expert in these tools, who can answer any question I or the users have, explain everything, who WELCOME feedback and complaints and feature requests, dont just bark im busy read the documentation. its INSANE. no WONDER these people have masters degrees and years of experience, to have such good chill career jobs.

Basically everyone is a damn instructor too. all these people are teaching college classes on the damn side. To the point where I have to laugh sheepishly and say, now i’ve never actually taught a class before, because all these people have taught classes! They are all teachers!!!!!!

so yeah. much more of the impostor sydrome than the dunning kruger effect hahahaha.

i have been studying quite a bit when i get home, was going a training module today on a major piece of software.

Used the coffee maker today and one of our clients said that is some good coffee, reminds me of the maxwell house we used to drink at home when i was young. I said thank you thats the first pot o coffee ive ever made here hahahaha today is my second day.

he was an afro-american man with an MBA, very intelligent and well dressed hahahahahaha.

if most of the Black Men you met were like THAT, you might very well not be a racist, but be a damn pro-black, anti-white, anti-racist!!!!! no he was all right, i had no beef with him, clearly a Talented Tenth and would be welcome in my white nation hahahaha.

only working 6 hours a day which is perfect…..then come home and do some studying, and now i should go for a powerwalk, and thinking of bed at 8pm, i mean only 2 days in, of only 6 hour shifts, and i am feeling a crunch on my time in other words.  but i guess thats to be expected. will take a LITTLE getting used to.  so dont get NERVOUS or FREAK OUT about it. just ACCEPT IT. RADICAL ACCEPTANCE. DBT.

yassssssssssss rich spencer live at texas a&m, the skypes did not shut him down, its happening RIGHT NOW and there seems to be an enthusiastic crowd.

also some great uppity shitlibs. this is a Good School and is gonna get PhD level shitlibs and marxists.

yeah well spencer got into a phd program at duke, hahahaha.

shit i gotta go back and listen to this whole thing just to hear all the college leftists in detail and how he responds to them in detail. i missed the first hour of this.

but there needs to be a lot more of this, directly engaging and debating college shitlibs, uhhh because im not good at it hahahaha and really want to listen to someone who is confident and good at it.

TRS goys and univ shitlib marxist BLM together in the audience. NOICE. I gotta read more about this event. and the stuff that went on before, after, outside, nearby.

ebonic talking black female talking about whites doing genocide, youre building this country on the backs of black slaves.

i mean yeah you are gonna find the BEST (ie the worst, slimiest, most twisted) shitlibs at big, reputable univs like TAM, so yeah, more of this. lots more of this. YEAH BUDDY.

i wanna hear him and our side debate and argue with the other side, i dont hear it enough.

faggy philosophy student talking his love of logic and logicians from aristotle to russel, this is exactly what i want to hear, what i want spencer to BTFO, and which i cant handle, cuz i have no patience for hardcore logic hahahaha.

oh shit college “conservative” wanting to tell spencer he stands with the left to condemn spencers hateful rhetoric, how brave bantz spencer. RS is doing really well at this IMHO, needs to do this EVERY DAY. against even MORE hostile crowds.

http://boards.4chan.org/pol/thread/101841991/richard-spencer-at-texas-am-university

http://archive.is/iOEGP

https://twitter.com/search?f=tweets&vertical=news&q=richard%20spencer%20texas%20a%26m&src=refgoogle

http://www.dallasnews.com/news/texas/2016/12/06/protests-unity-event-texas-am-aim-drown-speech-alt-right-dallas-native-richard-spencer

2000 people PROTESTING him

whites with a phd in genetics asking how you determine white identity. god damn i hope that white guy is jooish. sadly he is probably an antiwhite white i fooking luv science! type shitlib. thankfully spencer is giving it right back to them, calling them fat idiots.

https://www.periscope.tv/w/1gqxvRrdNkqxB

i made muh first discord post to share this link i found in the 504um hahahahaha

http://time.com/4592947/students-protest-white-nationalist-richard-spencer-texas-am/?xid=tcoshare

time phagazine.

sheeeeit this is exciting. wish i could stay up late but i gotta get up early and act like a SMART PERSON. even with nice people in a slow environemtn, ideal people in an ideal setting, its still exhausting to put on the face and act like a smart capable normie for a paltry 6 hours!!!!!!!!!!!! i have NO IDEA how i survived at the other job. thank GOD this one is much better. mentally but not at all financially hahahaha.

 

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HOW DO YOU EAT A SH1T ELEPHANT

aim for 5-6000 words hahahaha

oct 15

yeah i really need to do more STRENUOUS exercise like running and also lifting. at LEAST do MOAR pushups.

had some terrible experience with the qualcomm atheros ar986x or whatever wireless adapter, at least i THINK the prob is there, and not with windows 10, or both, i mean i want a permanent fix here.

https://www.qualcomm.com/drivers

hahahahahahahahaha qualcomm does not offer drivers to users, you have to go to the OEM

anyway i tried installing what turned out to be an “unofficial” qualcomm driver, couldnt figure it out….i dont think? and then eventually ROLLED BACK to a previous driver which paradoxically had a higher number, but that might not mean what i think it means, and since one does not simply get clear explanations with ANYTHING tech related, i just accepted the god damn “fix”.

i should have just accepted that when you work in tech support, one does not simply explain things. you can either explain shit or FIX it, and it takes 10000000000000000000000000000000000000 times longer to explain it. its actually NORMAL for there to be no explanations, because it COST 9999999999999999999999999999 times more to explain shit than to fix it.

well that begs the question……….how do you FIX something if you dont fully understand it?

well, you just do Root Cause and fix the root cause and see if the problem stops. you dont necessarily know how things got from root cause to broken.

and i dont know how to root cause because level 1 doesnt do that.

heh. probably the level 2 and 3s who DO do root cause havent been trained on it EITHER. dont know the best practices of root causing. just trial and error. throw spaghetti at the wall. same as level 1 does. just CALL it root cause and wait to be proven wrong.

people posting job postings talking about HIPAA should KNOW its spelled HIPAA NOT HIPPA!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

managed to apply to three jobs today. again used the card game as my safeguard or buffer, my way of “holding my nose” and just doing it. music is another way of doing this.

had card game going on right side of screen, had browser open in top left, and then word document or spreadsheet in lower left. really need 2 monitors for this type of thing.  sheeeeit ill pay for my own monitor. and then donate it to the company. liek when i bought a new coffee machine at my old job and left it there when i left.

oh the one place is a hot shit accounting firm and they want Top Talent so they wont look at muh clunky cover letter.  be like motherfooker i went to top skool hahahahahaha.

hey i think i do a pretty good job during interviews covering up the fact that i have crippling, debilitating anxiety hahahaha, and just come across as having a normie level of nervousness.  and at muh last job i lasted a full year despite it taking a huge toll on me. i SURVIVED and WITHSTOOD. so just give me a damn CHANCE and HIRE me already.

i mean i was not healthy but i survived the anxiety a lot longer that you or me would THINK, i never ACTUALLY ran out of there crying and panicking, and i would have lasted a bit longer if SHE hadnt been there, and if i had smoked more MJ hehehehe.

but if she HADNT been there, would i have been able to survive the first few months?

i just cant say. she DID give me some moral support at that time, but I think that even more important was the technical support I got from the more experienced people around me. when i was panicking and didnt know what to do, they could sometimes help me out a little.

heh i have literally not lost any weight in 2 weeks. i have stayed 135.6 pounds for the past 2 weeks. yeah thats just fine but i want to get to 130. when you are a 5’7″ manlet, that is not as ridic as it sounds.

heh. i shouldnt have sent her 3 emails. 3 fookin long emails. at the most i should have sent her 1 short email saying dont dump me like this, ill pay for a shrink who can help you dump me in a nicer way, tell me our relship meant something and that i am not a piece of garbage and that you wish me well, i wish you well, thanks for the memories, the end.

ok i tech qualify for gs 07 govt paygrade, which starts at 31k. that is like 15.50 an hour. i qual bc i have “superior academic achievement” of over 3.0 GPA hahahaha.

so this is kinda good, it tells me FEDGOV thinks i am worth 31k a year bitches.

and if i didnt have superior acad ach, i would be GS06, which starts at 28k, which is 14 an hour, which is like average for all americans, which is GREAT.

and then 13 an hour was average for my state, so then i went down to that.

and then i said ok ill debase myself to 12 an hour because i have a long gap but not a dollar lower! even negros wont work for less than 12 an hour!

i was briefly watching this ridicul 1997 movie on BET called “higher learning”. it was quaint and stupid. omar epps from house played a young college black, being mentored in Radical Marxist Black Panthers by ice cube. none of the college kids talked like supergenius phd swpl marxists they way they do now, they sound like even bigger idiots. their poison rhetoric has gotten a lot more sophisticated in the past 19 years hehehehe.

there was a group of 1488 neo nazi skinheads with michael rapaport and cole hauser? from dazed and confused. hello sirs may you tell me more about getting a GS06 job with the FEDGOV hahahahaha. do you work for the FBI or the CIA.

and then laurence fishburne playing a Distinguished Professor with a jamaican accent hahahahahaha.

i reminded me of how things were simpler and more innocent in the 90s hahahaha. and that these college kids were just NEWBS in this SJW stuff.

not that the 90s werent nihilistic and degenerate with their marilyn manson and such hehehehe.

so michael rapaport shows hes hard enough to K a black, by shooting tyra banks. like K’ing tyra banks (omar epps gurlfran) is gonna win the RACE WAR which they also mentioned. were in a race war brothers!

if he wanted to do some real damage, he would have K’d the J’ish Marxist professors in humanities and social “sciences”, and skool diversity officers and admins.

but noooooooooooo just shoot blacks. so stupid.

managed to get 4 apps done on a saturday, not something i usually do. just by shrinking down my windows even more and having a card game up the whole time. card game is like my armour/shield against the lip curling disgust of doing the apps. holding the nose in a way to successfully Get Things Done. when you have to do 500, 600 of these goddamn apps. eating the shit elephant one shitty bite at a time.

yeah i already mentioned this but its important and bears repeating hehehehe.

its not just eating an elephant, its eating a shit elephant, because every bite fookin sucks and is painful and excruciating. and you have to do a lottttttttttttt of these bites. and you cant just do them for 8 hours straight or you will blow your brains out.

5 apps. noice. well the last one was an indeed quik apply, to a job at a tool factory in a very trashy part of town, that had been open for 25 days and had 350 applicants. and is prob 10 to 12 dollars an hour. of course they didnt say.

ok the trick to getting a medical mj card is to complain of PAIN. CHRONIC PAIN in your back or arm or neck. i am fortunate in that the one thing i dont have is chronic physical pain, but this is by far the most popular qualifying condition. despair and anxiety and insomnia and headaches arent qualifying. (well, MAYBE headaches would be.)

so go to a shady clinic with a shady doctor on doctor day, say you have chronic headaches and dont want to take opiates, and he will 75% give you approval. then you can go back in 30 days for a follow up visit to prove ongoing relship bona fides. most people dont do this and the state prob wont go after you if you dont. you think THAT WOMAN did that? hell no!

i should look this up. how many people does the state go after because they suspect they are faking their medical condition? probably not a single damn person. do you know how much MONEY that would COST?

i just really dont like the state having my name as a MJ smoker though. will endanger my career at the FBI hahahaha.

but seriously folks i am applying to a lot of FED jobs like army, air force, DoD, us attorneys, etc tho.

havent had any FED interviews hehehehe.

anyway as far as state medical MJ FRAUD, i would IMAGINE the state would use their resources to prosecute fraud on the part of DOCTORS and “caregivers”/dispensaries/SELLERS, before they would spend a penny to prosecute “PATIENTS” for Fraudulently soliciting Cards.

¯\_(ツ)_/¯

oct 16

i was thinking again about the Maximum number I would tolerate for a woman. I thought about, well, what if I were like a woman and I had Gotten With and Had Secs with every person I fancied. Then MY number would be about 8. Pretty high, huh? sure i would have gladly dated all of those women for at least a year each. AND I would have liked to be married by age 25 or 30 at the oldest.

and i am aiming for 25 year old women approx.

and also using a rule that you should not have more than 1 secs partner in a 1.5 year period. assume a 1 year relship, then 6 months to get over it.

also assume you start fooking at age 18.

so, add 2 partners for every 3 years.

so, by age 24 they should have no more than 4 men.

even THAT sounds a little high!

by age 27, 6 men.

age 30, 8 men.

age 33, 10 men.

and since i am around that age, i should have around 10 women and still non be a technical degenerate.

but 10 seems ALWAYS degenerate! plus I wanted to be MARRIED by now! and any woman should be married by 30, no exceptions!

and i would only be at 8 right now. assuming i banged ALL those women…….which is a RIDICULOUSLY big assumption. most of them didnt even have fleeting interest in me.

i was basically trying to come up with a reasonable, nondegenerate number for a 25 year old woman, so i could Manage Expectations from there.

and estimating my own number if I were a woman and could bang every person I liked. I would be at damn 8 by now. making me a huge degen slut hahahahahaha. if i were a woman.

also i have never LOST INTEREST in a woman. women lose interest in men all the time. been dating and fooking this guy for a few months, few years, just lose interest, dont feel it any more, better dump him and find a new man that makes me tingle. i just dont understand losing interest in peopel like that.

i havent lost interest in THAT WOMAN, and i havent seen or talked to her in 15 months! 450 days! im STILL interested in her!

but boy she sure lost interest in me, and now i am just a long forgotten piece of her distant past! i wish i could get over women the way they get over ME!!!!!!

i guess after “the honeymoon period” you start to lose interest. i never had that. essentially i was always dumped DURING the honeymoon period, which REALLY sucks. you never got a CHANCE to lose interest in them. and then you maintain that interest for 2 years after you were dumped. essentially turns it into a neverending honeymoon period of ridiculously prolonged pain and heartbreak.

much longer than any natural honeymoon period would last, which i guess lasts….6 months? 1 year at the most?

thinking about MJ definitely is a good replacement/substitute for thinking about HER, or WOMEN, or Hopeless and despair, or job search.

but MJ has its own set of problems.

but

AT LEAST IT HAS SOME PROS TO GO WITH ITS CONS!!!!

i mean it adds SO MUCH value. i think the cons of despair, laziness, and incoherence are WORTH IT, because I am ALREADY despairing, lazy, and incoherent!!!!!!!!!!

so i just go on Leafly and read articles about CBD and anxiety and opioids and local dispensaries and menu prices and indicas and such.

it would be GREAT if that one company in the area that i know of that deals with Medical MJ Marketing called me back for the part time data entry job i applied for hahahahahaha. i think it almost has to do with “biotech”, the CEO is a pharmacist.

this would be a GREAT industry for me to get into in other words, cnsidering my interests. except i dont necessarily want to be a “budtender” in the BLACK GHETTO hahahahahaha.

1, they prob make less than 12 an hour, 2, i could not explain that to muh fam, 3, dispensaries are kinda degen. MJ is kinda degen!!!!!!

there are NO alt right, trump supporting, right wing MJ supporters! i am kinda alone in that boat. some of the more libertarian rightists might support legalization, but certainly none of them personally enjoy partaking!

ok there is nothing in my official medical record that would support MJ card, so i have to say i have no medical records and i have chronic pain.

THEORETICALLY i could claim that the ssri meds i take cause muscle spasms and then THAT would be a qual condition.

also i cant determine how long you have to WAIT before sending the forms in, and getting your card, OR if you can just use a copy of your forms AS your card immediately. I think That Woman did the latter. ie saw the dr, signed the forms, sent forms, took copy of forms to dispensary THE SAME DAY and bought MJ.

i really dont think that is legal. my understanding is you have to wait 21 days from the day the state cashes your CHECK, and THEN you can use a copy of form IF you havent gotten Hard Card yet.

i am going to start reclaiming the word “VIRGIN” as a badge of honor, a compliment. if someone calls you virgin, say thank you.

my goal is to get virgin to be synonymous with GOOD, and “NONVIRGIN” to be synonymous with DEGENERATE, PERVERTED, SLEAZY, BAD, HORRIBLE, EVIL, WICKED, CREEPY, ABUSIVE, FOOKED UP, SHAMEFUL.

hahahaha.

shame people for being nonvirgins.

see, this is when your perspective starts getting a little weird hehehe.

i just hate that EVERY woman has “NUDES” on mens phones and computers. and it makes them feel SEXY and builds their CONFIDENCE that all these men they fook have NUDES of them. its fooking degenerate. plus i am jelly because i never got nudes of a gurl. i kinda would like to cross that off my bucket list. and somewhere out there, THAT WOMAN is sexting nudes of herself to the men shes fooking and getting INTERESTED in.

oh well. who cares. just let me buy some damn MJ already hehehe.

ok i am guessing 2019 will be the year we get recreational MJ for Adults in muh state. meaning the law will get passed in late 2018 and take effect jan 2019. cant wait hahahaha. 2 more years. the current gov and AG are against MJ.

so i would vote in leftist marxist dem state govt just to get legal MJ ???!?!?!?!?!!?

maybe hehehehe.

i mean i am very selfish because i am just trying to get thru one day at a time and fix my own problems. i dont have time for anyone else. i only care about muh family and the white race. and apparently muh MJ.  strange position to be in.

i mean i have literally been thinking about MJ much of the day for the past few days, like, damn, i really want some, why the hell DONT i just go in and see a shady doc, be like, welp i havent been to a doctor in years and i dont have any medical records, and ive been having chronic pain in my back for the past 4 months and i dont want painkillers.

i mean i COULD get medical records but theres nothing in there which SUPPORTS getting MJ, like nothign about this so called back pain hahahaha.

if i were a WOMAN id have no problem getting MJ hahahaha.

hehehehehe

im not sure if MW has ever mentioned his rumored GF, not sure if he does here, havent watched the video.

http://wasp.love/

alt right dating hahahahaha i dont see this taking off but if it does, good.

i mean if i want a traditional woman, i have to be a traditional man, and uhhhh thats prob not gonna happen unfortuantely. id like to be but DAMN you need to make a LOT of money and be REALLY successful.

so i concluded that i would be ok with a woman who had fooked maybe 5 guys by age 25.

maybe 6.

but not 7 hahahaha.

well ok maybe 7. but DEF not 8.

and honestly i dont want to go much older than 25.

MAYBE 26 hahahaha.

but not 27.

hello doctor. i havent been to a doctor in many years. i have chronic pain for the last 4-6 months. taking aspirin doesnt really help. i dont want to use opiates.

ok i really DONT deserve a good wife cuz i dont really have anything to offer. i was/am aware of this, but a good woman just sort of dropped into my life without me looking for me, knowing that i wasnt ready for one.

so it might not be inaccurate to say i raelly didnt deserve her!

well heres the thing, she had some red flags against being a top shelf good wife. if anything she would be a good match for me given my own shortcomings. the best woman i could conceivably get. of COURSE im not gonna get a woman WITHOUT Daddy Issues or who HASNT mudsharked! im a huge old neet loser, low male mate value!

anyway, point is, even if she WAS an objectively good wife material, and even though I didnt deserve her, it doesnt mean that i DESERVED to be snubbed in such a cowardly manner.

see i have to convince myself that i’m not so weak and creepy that i deserved THAT, that I got the extreme pain because I am extremely piss weak. shitty things happen to shitty people.

but really as martin luther kang said, never attribute to malice what can be attributed to simple cowardice. or ignorance.

meaning, she didnt have evil intent, OR i didnt do something horrible, OR I wasnt a horribly weak inferior person. she was just cowardly and immature. thats believable right? of course it is!!!!!

so yeah i WAS weak and didnt deserve a good women, but that doesnt mean that good women GET to be mean to me. woman2012 was a great woman and she gave a Master Class in how to dump an unworthy guy. have i said this before? hahahahahahahaha.

SHE had courage, SHE was mature, AND she was a good woman, AND I didnt deserve her, AND she still treated me with kindness and maturity.

sheeeeeeeeeit. managed to crank out some very low effort, negro style applications with indeed apply. 8 minutes then 6 minutes. all while doing the hold muh nose method of playing cards at same time. listening to boortzum also helps.

ohhjsfkhasdghj

now they actually recorded the WHOLE ALBUM but i cant find it other than on a secret link posted by the actual echo collective.

anyway they need to release that shit. i dont care if they are shitlibs examining the separattion of Good Art from Problematic, Hateful, Disturbed, AntiSemitic 1488 artist. (Note: I fully approve of and like Varg’s 1488, Pro-White, Counter-Semitic views, so I am just as Disturbed and hateful as him!!!!!) its an album with not the greatest production but i believe good songs under it all. so i welcome the chance to listen to cover version, tributes, maybe even a rerecording by varg himself hint hint.

but now he uses that NOISY synth effect which i dont really like either, its very shimmery and distorted and sounds like a laser and just doesnt fit, is like nails on a chalkboard. other than THAT, he does bretty good synths.

real low effort applications for data entry job with a law firm.

does working in a law firm mean you have to wear a different suit each day?

5 days a week times 150 dollars per suit, is 750 dollars just for Work Clothes!

then 100 dollars for 5  20 dollar dress shirts.

then like 50 dollars for an ok pair of dress shoes.

900 dollars to buy CLOTHES to work at a LAW OFFICE.

and you are making 12 dollars an hour.  you have to work 75 hours just to afford the CLOTHES you need to wear to WORK.

and with 150 dollar suits, 20 dollar shirts, and 50 dollar shoes, you are NOT gonna be on the good side of Average in a Law Office.

well the protip is, try to apply for two or more jobs at a given company in a ROW, because then you have to change less in your cover letter – just the name of the Leadership Team, and the name of the Position. dont have to change the name of the company, or Your Commitment to the company’s Mission, and save some time on your second app, and maybe appear more visible to the company. memorable. but dont apply for TOO many, then you look DESPERATE, that youre not TAILORING your job search, you dont care about FIT, you just want a job, any job, not a CAREER!!!!!! theyll find someone BETTER to give their 12 dollars an hour to!

https://www.livechatinc.com/blog/how-to-say-no-to-customers-without-making-them-angry/

this is the only article on the internet on how to say no to customers. and its not a very useful one.

google how to tell people theres nothing more we can do

most of the results are on doctors telling terminal cancer patients.

nothing on how to tell a customer, no, your problem isnt worth fixing, just live with it, it is what it is, not my problem, goodbye.

http://www.icmi.com/forums/topic59-i-want-to-speak-to-a-supervisor.aspx

i know ive linked this one before, but its worth sharing with your Level 1 Inbound Agents hahahahaha.

also we had no bulletproof way to transfer the call to another level 1, ie warm transfer and say hey this person wants to speak to a supervisor, so pretend to be a supervisor…….because all the level 1 people would be on calls,

ONE DOES NOT SIMPLY TRANSFER A CALL.

theres literally no one to transfer it TO!

so you tell them thats a very simple problem and i can fix that for you right now.

then they say, thats what the last guy said, and he struggled with this for 2 hours with no resolution or escalation, thats why im asking to speak to a supervisor.

thats actually a very simple problem, i can fix that right now.

then you take 2 hours to struggle with it hahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahaha because its NOT a simple problem at ALL and NOBODY knows how to fix it, but they dont want to escalate it either, they jsut want the problem to GO AWAY.

http://workplace.stackexchange.com/questions/67275/how-can-i-screen-calls-when-callers-refuse-to-tell-me-the-nature-of-the-call

not really what i was looking for, but still kinda interesting, basically acting as a gatekeeper to keep sales calls from the Decision Maker, which osunds a lot less stressful than being the Tier 1 tasked with Fixing Their Shit By Any Means Necessary, with no help or escalation or training or meetings or help.

https://www.salesgravy.com/sales-articles/customer-service/rich-baker-confounding-customer-service.html

bbbbbut its TOO EXPENSIVE to give the asshole customers what they want all the time!

yeah but thats not really what hes asking either.

yeah but its too expensive to TRAIN EMPLOYEES to handle tough trick questions.

yes yes it is.

our business analysts have crunched the numbers and have determined that yes in depth training IS too expensive.

The end! It is what it is! Theres nothing more we can do!

https://www.reddit.com/r/talesfromcallcenters/

oh this is nice, did not know about this one.

NEVER AGAIN. I will never go back to a goddam call center ever again. and i had a pretty GOOD one, with fairly good callers, all internal, no general public ever. and i still couldnt handle it!!!!!!!!!

oct 18

today i learned that indeed results can only go up to page 20, which is about 4 days ago when sorted by date.

putting 50 results on each page. or is it 100? whatever the largest num is.

got in 3 apps today. 2 at a german manufacturer that has an outstanding reputation and probably treats its employees well. maybe if i tell the american HR Ditz (masters degree in HR, PHR certified (not sure if i got that cert right)) that I think Germany should have won world war 2 and i Luv Uncle Adolf, they will hire me, because all germans are nazis who love hitler and hate joos hahahahahaha. and are not cucky softies apologizing for existing until they will be diluted and drowned by Migrants.

found the full

this is a private playlist but god damn they need to RELEASE this stuff, this is too GOOD to be private. very faithful rendition of the whole album performed by Competent Musicians on Real Instruments. people should do this for all of vargs ambient/nonmetal albums. i wish thats how he recorded them. i dont like synths Approximating (sometimes poorly) real instruments. i understand varg likes his convenience. thats fine. get other people to play it, like above.

finally got to the point where i had to go back to The Indeed List. I dont know if this is good or bad.

yeah i get imposter syndrome too.

first commenter says, the shitty thing about imposter syndrome is, from the outside, its practically impossible to tell apart from the dunning kruger effect.

and if you dont know what that means, you dont deserve a 12 dollar an hour job!

dunning kruger effect means that you are way less competent than you think you are.

which is similar but different to the peter principle, where you get promoted to the point where you are no longer competent. so your most effective position would be the one below that one.

maybe if his wife abandons him he will Change and Go To Counseling and get over his impostor syndrome (overworked and underappreciated IT guy who feels in over his head and works 30 hour days)

anyway yeah i felt huge impostor syndrome too, it was VERY stressful. but i wasnt ACTUALLY incompetent, so it wasnt really dunning kruger effect. besdies with DK, you are not stressed out, youre overconfident, so id take DK ALL DAY.

if youre gonna be incompetent, be DK and not an impostor.

of course, only 50% of impostors are ACTUALLY incompetent hehehehehe.

they just underestimate and undersell themselves.

yes i well aware that THREE of the songs on “daudi baldrs” are RECYCLED on other Boortzum albums. doesnt matter. they are good songs.

there is an ask men reddit, also a mens space where men can ask questions about women and rels and life. i am just tired of hearing about womens problems, and womens stupid advice.

i mean SOME of the women have good judgment. but no more than 50% hahahaha.

men at least 60% of men have good judgment!

also men can “send good vibes” more sincerely than women can. have better intentions. are kinder. more compassionate hahaha.

like reading the tales from tech support reddit, since i have wiped alot of detailed stories from my memory of my sentence in tech support, i can use this to tune up my Tell Me About A Time When Stories.

when i came in on my day off to call customers back because i didnt have time during my regular shift, and i didnt want to leave people hanging without an explanation or follow up.

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Attention_deficit_hyperactivity_disorder_predominantly_inattentive

people wiht this kind of ADHD get written off as derpressed, stupid, or lazy, instead of ADD, because they are not HYPER.

ADHD-PI. learned about it from that reddit thread, impostor sndrome.

ok applied for jizob while chilling out at night, up to 4 today. thats pretty good. also looked at 20 pages of indeed postings.

 

misunderstandings, miscommunications, autistic inexperienced guy, gurl who is too immature to Use Words, he thinks these things are dates, she doesnt, she wants a real date, young autist doesnt know how to.

well obviously he didnt Grab Her By The Pvssy (or just Make Out With Her) during one of those walks in the park.

and its a miracle she hasnt left him yet. him saying please respond, i’ll take you on a nice date, Ill grab your pvssy in the park pleeeeeeeeeeeeee just give me one more chance, i can change, i promise, please respond hahahahahahahahahaha and then he takes 2+ years to get over it.

heh call me a woman hater, but i think a guy is entitled to tell his gf she’s not allowed to hang out with her former “FWB”‘s. you arent allowed to hang out with anybody you have previously FOOKED.

oh but WERE dating now, and i never dated him exclusively, we were just FWBs, we just FOOKED.

i dont care. and if that makes me CONTROLLING, well there are women who prefer CONTROLLING men.

similarly, i dont think women should be hanging out with their ex BF”s either. just dont hang out with anybody you used to date OR fook.

its so weird for me because this is SUCH a common thing in the current year. but i just cant understand it. because every experience ive had “dating” or fooking somebody, i was dumped against my will, so hanging out with them, i woudl totally be thinking about “getting back together” with them. so maybe im wrong in assuming that of women. especially since women are the ones DOING the dumping. of course, you can still want to go back to someone YOU dumped.

i mean I wouldnt. Cuz i know how bad it feels to be dumped, and i wouldnt’ want to be LORDING it over them, and I wouldnt get past the idea that the other person wanted to get back together with ME, so……i just wouldnt hang out as “just friends” with them!

and all these women are making WAY more money in their male dominated stem fields, than i ever will! as Recent College Grads of 22 years old! I could almost be their FATHER hahahaha.

yeah i jsut CANT IMAGINE hanging out with someone i used to date or fook, without wanting them back, because i didnt like when they dumped me in the first place!!!!!

“DEAR” WOMEN, DONT HANG OUT WITH MEN YOU USED TO DATE OR FOOK, YA STUPID MORONS!!!!!!!!!!!!