sat oct 21

mar 4

heh. if you get mail mailed to you at your JOB is it legal for your employer to OPEN it hehehe, was the big idea i got yesterday. like if you got stem cells mailed to you from russia hahahaha. or shrunken pygmy heads from africa. weird stuff you dont want coming to your home if you live with other people hehe.

great soundtrack. in addition to the final fantasy 10 and 6 soundtracks. i guess playing vidya is not super terrible. but it is degenerate because you escape into that nostalgaic world. i am glad i cant do that with new games any more or else i would be a vidya addict.

still better than being a PORN addict tho.

well that gurl in dragon quest (aka dragon warrior) better cover those damn whore tits up, looks like a jooish whore. also it looks like anime. great game tho – great story, great gameplay, great music, etc. i spent 40 hours on it at least.

yeah i totally understand why men get so into video games. you get really pulled into this really interesting world where you cant wait to see what happens next. im glad im NOT drawn to it any more, because it really is naturally tempting. not to me though.

also thankful i am not helplessly, hopelessly attracted to little boys like a pederast either hahaha. thats gotta suck to have totally perverted fooked up desires and know it and just have it torturing you. the worst i have is a hopeless attraction to MJ. thats the closest thing. even that could be worse, i could be attracted to Opioids or Alcohol. I used to be really big on alcohol, but not anymore, dont even really THINK about it a lot. but MJ…..every damn day, multiple times a day.

i know local MMJ’s have large menus with a range of prices per 3.5 g, 14 g, 1 oz (28 g hahahaha) high and medium priced, indica and sativa, 50 different types of MJ. you get the one that best suits your needs. i would want to get a mid range (cheaper) indica. prob buy larger quantities to try to get discount. i guess that wouldnt be an issue if i had a card and could buy any time i wanted. since the opportunity never presents itself to me at this time, shit i would want to buy around $150 next time i had the chance, and get as much as i could for that.  because, like hanging out with an attractive young women, who the hell knows when youre gonna get that chance again. maybe 10 years, maybe never.

like how instead of spending 7 bucks on a pack of cigarets, i buy a 6 oz  bag of pipe tobacco for 7 bucks and 200 tubes for 3 bucks and essentially buy 10 packs of cigarettes for 10 bucks. the quality of the tobacco doesnt seem that damn bad whatsoever.

which is why i like the idea of buying “shake”. its not as A E S T H E T I C as big juicy buds….but its just the same stuff that falls off these big nugs, and the dillas seem to sell it at a discount. just sell me an oz of shake for 50 bucks hahahaha. instead of 400 bucks for an oz of Kind Loud Fire Buds.

went to church on this saturday afternoon and it was super boring. not that thats the worst thing in the world, but i almost fell asleep 3 times durig the mass. i WISH i could be that tired when i laid down to go to sleep at night!!!!!!

just imagine you are in CHURCH and you will be asleep in 20 minutes! maybe that way i could get to bed by 7 pm, or 8 pm. this 930 or 10 kinda sucks…..but i cant force myself to go to bed any earlier.

went from smoking like 6,7,8 cigarets a day to smoking 0 the past 2 days. not bad. not even getting intense cravings. i mean sure i could smoke a cig but im not DYING for one. shit im DYING more for mj. mj is more addictive than TOBACCO.

hehehe i literally fell asleep while just sitting here. not sure why so sleeping. got ok sleep yesterday. wish i was this tired when i went to bed on a Work Night! didnt even have any benedryl or valium tonight!!! maybe i am “catching up” from when i normally get up at 5 am, which by any account is pretty early, but i dont really mind, because its not that hard to Survive the job and i am thankful for that. shit for this i would get up at 4 am, maybe even 3 am. probably even 2 am hahahaha. so 5 am is tech sleeping in! but i know id like to go to bed at 7pm, but ive tried, i just cant, so i goto be closer to 9 or 10. now on a day off ive been tired as hell, almost falling asleep in church (it was boring af tho) and here, literally falling asleep at the poker table at 830 pm or so.

march 5

when somebody DUMPS you, NEVER beg for them back. NEVER ask them to reconsider. THEY DUMPED YOU. if they want to reconsider, you think they’re only gonna realize that at your pathetic insistence? NO, if they want to un-dump you, let that horse come to the water and drink of its own agency and volition and WILL. of course odds on this are very very low. vanishingly low. but i guess anythings technically possible. hahahaha.

of course, much easier said than done when you are getting dumped and your heart breaking.

i think going to a hooker might actually be a good thing for me. i mean i wish i could just pay a qt nonhooker to just hang out with me and be nice to me since its not secs per se i want……however i think having hooker secs with an attractive hooker would still serve my main goal of being more confident and less nervous around women. so for that alone it would be worth 300 bucks. or 400 bucks hahahaha.

but recently backpage took down its escort section after being pressured by FEDGOV. maybe it will be back up soon. well there are other websites. like the escort review or some shit. in fact those are probably better.

escort is code word for hooker that you can pay for secs. you just call it a dnation and say i am giving you a free will dnation for your TIME, imma just put this on the table over there. and then you do her up the ass hahahahaha. boldly go where many, many, many men have gone before. balls deep in a hookers ass for 100 dollars a half hour. aint no shame in that game hahahahahahaha.

hey i know literally not all women are like that. i know at least 2 or 3 decent good women. 4 or 5. married or getting married. shit even that woman was a good woman but she had a legit understandable moment of weakness. not like she was going out being an evil J, fooking 60000000 cox and murdering 600000000 babies and ruining 600000000 mens lives. she just got scared and ran away like ALL of us have done at some points in our lives. the end.

anyway i am kidna moving out of my women hate phase as well. I TOLD you it was only TEMPORARY. Now i just dont care. there are good women and bad women. i dont really want to make an effort to meet any women. i’d rather make an effort to get yuge bags of MMJ.

i think scrod is not an actual species of fish, its just random fish. what about cod? i dont REALLY care, i dont really like fish, but i do enjoy eating “fish and chips” on occasion. that is just fine. so that “fish” is usually “cod”. so what is “cod.”

i dont eat it for the taste of the fish, i eat it for the taste of the flaky batter hahahaha. and also because catholics in lent on fridays. cant eat beef hahahaha gotta eat “fish.”

sorry, not escort review, The EROTIC review. look up assfooking hookers on that site.

hmmm found an attractive looking local hooker for 140 an hour. very quickly. not bad! of course they blur out their face but she was white and not grotesque. prob dont let you put it in the ass for 140 an hour tho hahahahahaha.

she wont judge you if you cant get it up. she sees nothing but scumbags and weirdos and alcoholics and druggies all day. next to them you look like a winner. and she can probably get you some MJ hahahahaha. now im not saying to be abusive or even disrespectful to the hooker. but i sure am saying you can definitely ask, is it okay for me to put it in your ass and make you say, “im a dirty little wh0re who has taken 1000 cox! fook me in my filthy wh0re ass like the 9000 other men who have fooked me in the ass! i luv being fooked in the ass like a worthless 4n4l butt slut!” its not a crime to ask them to say it hahahahaha. me personally i would luv to get them to say self degrading things like that. but i wouldnt MAKE them if they didnt WANT to! i realize they are just doing a JOB, a very degrading, tough job. i have LESS respect for the NORMIE women that just treat secs and life as some kind of meaningless game. next to them, the hookers seem honest, or at least Woke.  i would get more pleasure out of getting normie gurls to say those degrading things. the actual hookers have been degraded enough.

but yeah. i still want MJ WAYYYYY more than i want a hooker.

so i guess i could just make a list of nearby cert places, print out the limited med records i do have, none of which have a qual condition, but just bring them as a sign of good faith, and expect to get rejected, but then plan to just cross it off the list and go to the next place the next week, and hopefully by the time i go to 30 places, i can get approval, and then get the card sent to a PO Box. repeat process when its time to renew.

of course the shady doctor can approve but the STATE can STILL reject it.

at that point i would just go see a diff doctor then hahahaha. make a spreadsheet.  dont go to a place unless they say theres no charge if you get rejected. ideally no charge even if they approve you but the STATE rejects you.

according to state data, they reject about 10% of applications, IIRC. no more info given there. other than we can assume they had a dr approve them. but maybe they didnt, maybe they forged a damn doctors signature. how big of a crime would that be. that HAS to be a felony. just saying.

and ive said before. when you get an rx for pain pills, that is usually strict as fook, i’d imagine. ONE refill of ten weakass pills. not UNLIMITED refills where you can go and buy 9000 doses of the drug every single day like you can with a MMJ card. you can go in and buy like 2 oz a day i think. 1 or 2 oz is the daily limit hahaha.

and i am sure there are cardholders who do that just to “re up” and sell to people without cards. would be interested in learning how the “legal” MMJ market has influenced the illegal market. not that its easy to get good data on illegal markets. has it made illegal MJ much cheaper? more in supply? better variety? more people selling? my guess is it really hasnt had any major impact at all, or else some reporter would have done a story about it in like the years since MMJ has been legal.

and i do know last year saw a 100% growth in our county of card holders since the year previous.

so does that mean the state will try to clamp down this year, or does that mean DOORS WIDE OPEN, BOYS!!!! YEEEEEHAWWWW!!!!!! those are two very different outcomes hahahaha. 180 opposite you could say.

ok sunday. go in tomorrow. get up at 5am. took 2 benedryl today, one at about 2 pm and another at about 5 pm. briefly dozed off around 4 pm, was so tired i couldnt even play cards or look at computer. has happened every day of the weekend hahahaha. its not like i am Starved for Sleep during the week either! but again i just wish i was tired like that when i went to bed at night and could just go to bed earlier and get a shitload of sleep for the day.

why not just go to a shady doc who prescribes shitloads of pain pills….because we established those docts are in short supply because of crackdowns by the dea, fedgov, etc. theres prob an automatic alert in fedgovs office whenever a doc prescribes over x pain pills a month.

state probably does NOT have anything similar for docs who do x number of MMJ certs a month.

how many falsified applications does the state get? i mean this isnt like a doctors prescription pad. its a pdf anyone can print off the state website. just need to know the doctors name, address, and license number….which i believe is all on the internet.

ive heard of local stings where a doctor would just prefill out hundreds of forms without seeing the patients. but that doctor was eventually caught and their license suspended. i wonder if anything happened ot the “patients.”

tfw your connection to the poker server is so shitty you keep dropping on a nice full 9 person table even though your internet isnt really bad per se, just your wireless. how do you get better wireless.

just fooking stupid. i dont need a fast connection, i just need a solid, unbroken connection, because there is action happening every second. folding, calling, checking, betting.

super frustrating. its not just the site, its just me. someimes it is just the site.  just sucks to WANT to play and to have a LOT of people on there who also want to play so you can have a nice 9 person table. doesnt’ happen all the time.

still fairly tired though. anticipate sleeping well tonight. just waiting till 8 pm to go lay down.

could not have internet like this if i were RUNNING A BUSINESS!!!!!

hopefully a reboot will help hahahaha.

ok rebooted and it did help. of course. it fixes everything. why? just because. no explanation. this is coming from a professional, paid computer expert. no reason.

well it did, for a minute, now its back to shitty again.

 

 

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SOCIAL SKILLS ARE SURVIVAL SKILLS

feb 2

start of The Weekend, just want to do MJ like a loser hehehe.

feels of inferiority that i am not ATTACKING my job as much as I SHOULD be, not showing as much initiative, not being CREATIVE enough, not taking charge enough. usually when i do this i am blowing things out of proportion. and i worry what they say about me when im not there, um im getting second thoughts about this new guy, he’s kind of underwhelming, i expected more, he can do better than this, what kind of damn mental problems must he have, i mean just look at the facts, how old is he again? damn. DAMN. and he obviously doesnt have strong communication skills like he said he did, everything he says is an awkward meaningless jumble of words.  im sure he doesnt have a gf. i wonder if he lives with his fam. PROBABLY. WOW. how did he ever let his life get so OFF TRACK?

that is the type of shit i worry about now hahahaha.

i just dont want the nice people to be disappointed in me because i am uhhh kinda underwhelming and dont have a yugely confident charismatic presence. i mean i try my best folks. its a day by day thing. i have only been there 2 months. is this normal hahahaha. its normal to feel like an impostor. it took at least 3-4 months before i stopped feeling like an impostor at muh old job.

heh some MJ would help take the edge off that time hehehe.

its just different. its the type of thing where people work on a bunch of medium and longer term projects, rather than very short term cases. and when i end up with Downtime, well hehehe i feel guilty, because other jobs, when you get Downtime, you dont sit there and study work related stuff, you get your HOURS CUT, you get SENT HOME EARLY, so youre not costing the company money.

well today i was given a project and it was sort of challenging but people were offering with ideas but i didnt want to BUG them, plus i had enough to get me started, so i continued down that path, presented my results at the end of the day before i left for the weekend, essentially showed some work of what i had been doing the past 3 hours hahaha. it involved me trying to figure out something i wasn’t really strong on. i just hope they werent disappointed in me in that they expected me to Totally Fix It by the end of the day. i mean im not given super urgent tasks at any rate.

i THINK its gonna be OK, but yeah. always doubts and insecurities in my MIND.

feb 3

day off.

got some walmart george 12 dollar pants, gray. classic fit, flat front. they fit perfectly and were not that horrible “modern fit” which “sits lower on the waist.” I HATE that shit. totally satisfied. would totally buy another pair, and i might do that next week to replace another pair of pants that has gotten too big for muh incredible shrinking body hahahaha. 32 waist hehehe but im sure its a little more, tape meaure says more like 33, but most companies run a little big thankfully.

struggled against satan today and WON. got up, day off, wanted to be productive and no idle, run errands, not immediately sit on the internet for hours. get something done early, first thing in the day. got good 9 hours of sleep. did not turn on tv or computer. intended to go get haircut and to walmart and other store. felt anxiety and doubt but pushed self to do all those things. got nice haircut, boost in confidence, good. wanted to get new shirt for job at walmart, maybe pants. ended up getting nice shirt and pants. the pants are awesome but the shirt is a little bigger than desired. ideally will return it next week.

got groceries as well and then came home and made food to last me the next 3-5 days. AND did 1 load of laundry AND made 30 cigarets while the food cooked.  listened to new fatherland while doing the food and cigs.

and now its 543 pm, starting to get dark, and playing some cards and listening to new moonsorrow album for the first time

not bad, no surprises here. but for me i need to be in the mood, and i havent been in the mood since this album came out months ago.

ideally i would have a ton of MJ and would be blazing it like MAD right now. and similarly yesterday. but i dont. i laughed when thinking of finding a shady character at walmart and seeing if i could buy 20 dollars of MJ from a random shady black or brown person. i did not have the balls.

also i brushed teeth which i sometimes “forget” to do on day off, which i shameful.

also trimmed beard to level 2, ideally do this once every 2 weeks. last did this 2 weeks ago.

ok want old school epic metal, should listen to this hehehe. i recall the first song being awesome. and it is. varg v’s fav bathory albvm. he makes a comment here and there are shitloads of people calling him a shallow minded disgusting racist nazi and quorthon would have hated him too.  metal antiracists are the worst. go read that j trash metalsucks dot com. i thought you people prided yourself on being tough and iconoclastic and nonconformist. the best way you can do this is be a racist hahahahahahaha. and you have idiots loving a Heritage Loving band then bitching about people who say muslims get out. oh no, you get out you terrible racist, quorthon would have wanted hordes of muslims taking over europe.

well, maybe he would have, we cant say, he has been dead for years. but yeah it grinds my gears to see metal degenerates be all like yeah stabbing somebody to death and burning churches is cool, but being a racist who loves the hwyte race is so ignorant and offensive.

and i hold these “heritage metal” people to a higher standard because being Proud Of Your Heritage is really not that far from being Proud of your RACE, and willing to DEFEND it against its ENEMIES. but so many of them just shit on the idea of that second part. just bend over and get fooked. literal cuckolds hehehehe. metalcucks. bunch of pron obsessed degenerates hahaha.

heh. gay milo making big news with riots at berkeley. the next damn day people are rioting in nyc for gay gayvin mcanus hahahaha. what would they do with a REAL racist like richard spencer hahahaha. speaking of i thought he was gonna do a big college tour. he needs to have more of those like his thing at texas AM. do shit like that every week.

so yeah. glad i got a lot accomplished today rather than just neckbearding on internet.

so my gameplan was to “PARTY” tonight by taking a valium, then a little later, taking a benedryl. this could potentially be dangerous, cuz mixing anything with benzos is risky hehehehe. so thats why im gonna wait at least an hour before taking the benedryl.

had dream, erotic dream, that i was banging this qt gurl i knew tangentially in kollige, and i regret not noticing and pursuing her more. i just forgot she was there. but i might have had a chance with her because she was really nice to me the few times i did see her. and she was super duper qt. so now i occasionally have dreams about her hahahahahaha. prob always will. better her than THAT woman.

in this dream we were in the room with another person, and the qt woman was THROWING herself at me, just jumping on me, wanted to get fooked hard NAO. i was like, uhh theres somebody else in here, lets get a room i mean, then ill be happy to fook you hard. eventually i just let myself get taken in having public secs like a degen, because how do you say no to a young qt gurl. you cant. but i was like hmmm i really dont like sluts, i was hoping she wasnt like this, and god damn shes gotta be bipolar. and how long is this gonna last. shes probably gonna dump me within a month. why cant she just be a nicer, less bipolar, less degen, less slutty gurl. but oh well i might as well enjoy this for the brief time it lasts. but its gonna suck when she loses interest in me quickly. and she is REALLY interested now. but thats nothing. shes gotten like this for lots of guys. im not the first and sure wont be the last. and THIS is not gonna last. its not gonna get any better than this. damn. i hoped she was a better woman than this, i kinda liked her, had a fictional pedestal fantasy of her.

listening to newest 2015 iron maiden album book of souls. never listened. bruce still sounds great. not sure how they will hold attention for NINETY fookin minutes. WAY too long. but it sounds good so far.

meh you know what i will come back to this one hehehehe.

so took the valium. see if that even works. it is old valium. but i have like 90 of them, might as well use them while i dont have any MJ. i guess its kicking in a little bit. barely noticeable. not like MJ where you DEFINITELY notice it. how is MJ going in MA and NV right now? i know in ME they dont even have retail stores. or in CA either. i dont think. it still takes a year to get that shit set up. weak hahahaha. they dont immediaetly turn into CO overnight.

But in fact, recreational sales don’t become legal until next year. (2018). in california. ok.

n Diego legalized recreational pot dispensaries on Tuesday and the city also opened up the possibility it will allow pot farms, manufacturing facilities and testing labs.

San Diego is the first local city to approve recreational marijuana sales since state voters approved Proposition 64 in November, and no other cities in the county have indicated they intend to follow suit.

jan 2017. ok so go to san diego if you want to buy MJ.

 

until recreational dispensaries set up shop, which Metro said could happen as early as March. nevada 2017. cuz i mean vegas is a popular tourist destination and plenty of cheap flights. probably cheaper to fly to vegas than to CO.

state legislators in December passed a law delaying the sale of recreational marijuana products in approved retail dispensaries until July 2018. MA

yep. winterfylleth. signed up for songkick just so i could get a notification if they tour in the US. hehehehe. listened to the whole 1 hour album. thats a long album and its a really good sign if i can sit through the whole damn thing.  just glad to really enjoy a new band.

anyway that dream. i ultimately dont like when women throw themselves at you like slutty bipolar nymphomaniacs because that means theres something wrong with THEM, and also theyre gonna lose interest in you REALLY quickly, and that is very jarring. i mean its only happened to me once but i never forgot it hahahaha. yes that gurl was bipolar confirmed and taking lithium before the age of 20.  heh. wish i had had more time to actually have a serious discussion with her about Bipolar and how she dealt with it. but that would involve her hanging out with me for an appreciable amount of time.

thats a good sign. is a woman willing to spend a decent amount of TIME with you or do they just want to fook and LEAVE ahhaahhhaaha. thats what i liked about That Woman is that she liked me enough as a person to want to hang out with me for hours. sometimes hahaha.

i mean come on. im really not THAT lame. i might be a little boring and an underachiever, but you could do a LOT worse than spending a nice solid 4 hour hangout session with me hahahaha. smoke some MJ, watch some youtube, talk about 1387, talk about JQ, talk about degeneracy, watch some TV and talk about how degen and J it is, play some games, watch jeopardy, play some mario kart, smoke some more MJ, cuddle up and watch the decalogue hahahaha, make some food, go get some food, go for a scenic drive, go for a scenic walk in the park, watch the sunset. sounds like a fookload of fun amiright? go to an ethnic club, where hopefully you dont dump me for an alphaer guy, go to an artsy fartsy movie, go to a concert, go to an 1433 meetup where hopefully you dont dump me for an alphaer guy, go to the gym together where hopefully you dont leave me for an alphaer or blacker guy, hahahahahahahahahaha.

im secure about that because i really CANT compete with other guys for women. so if im hanging out with a woman in public where there are other Willing Guys, of course i worry that she’s gonna get a wandering eye and lose interest in me for a Better guy. also because women have historically lost interest in me really quick and gotten with other guys who they liked more.  shit yeah that is a big blow to your confidence.

and really i havent had a women interested in me in that way, even the slightest short term one month interest, in like…..holy shit TWELVE fookin years hehehehe.

but it was nice having a woman be interested in me as even Just A Friend when that happened like 3 years ago. 3 years ago might have been the peak of muh friendship with that woman. and holy shit even that is a long time ago. it doesnt feel liek that long hehehehe.

heh was a REAL BOSS today and put on track time starts on two youtube vidyas for good albums where the uploader nor any other commenters were generous enough to do that. you know. where you can click on the time and jump right to any song on the album for full album videos. hopefully will get plenty of upboats and thank you comments hahahahahaha. cuz these degen metal fans dont even think of taking 3 minutes to do this. well i wasnt any better until today, i never did this till today.

took the benedryl several hours after the valium.

went and installed f.lux on the computer to soften the harsh bright light of the screen at night time. with my tons of ram it does not have any noticeable memory footprint hehe.

george brand. for the man who wants to dress professional but also wants to buy his professional clothes at WALMART hahahahahahahahaha.

 

 

GOOD ALPHA BAD ALPHA

dec 11

ok i wanna establish a timeline of muh political racial alt right journey in case i meet up with any real life people, and i SHOULD, that should be muh new years resolution.

in 2008 i was a shitlib and voted for obongo. in 2012 i was much better and voted for mitt. i know in 2012 i was also listening to william luther pierce speeches and writing a blog that sort of positioned me as a WN “ally”, like hmmm this is scary, but also interesting, and maybe not as scary as I think. I think i was linking to stormfront and definitely stuff like counter currents and mindweapons. this was in 2012, 13 at the latest.

oh yeah. in late 2012, i got rejected by woman 2012, and i said, welp, i’m gonna go ALL IN on this racist stuff. i was holding back because i didnt want to seem Weird To Women, but now, i’ve not nothing to lose. I distinctly remember climbing the stairs 3 a time in muh old workplace saying “superior huhwhyte body, superior huhwhyte mind, crush the k1k3s, huhwhyte huhwharrior” as kind of a mantra in late 2012 to encourage me as i suffered thru the loss of woman2012.

so yeah i guess 2012 was when i became “alt right” hahahaha.

but i thought, lets look at my amazon history and the books i bought, thats a pretty good indicator.

2010 – started using amazon. yeah a bit late i know. late 2010. 2 books only: “atomised” by houellebecq, and “the evolution of desire” by david buss. (evo psych.) not a bad start!

2011 – myth of male power by warren farrell, women theory and practice by bernard chapin, more houellebecq – platform and whatever. (platform was prob muh fav, decent writer here.)  breaking bad thrid season. escape from gangsta island by chapin.  some crimmus presents including a book for woman2012 hahahaha. stuff for family. day bang by roosh v, because i wanted to use day game to seduce a nice Day Woman like woman 2012. sorcery and religion by varg vikernes. season 1 of big bang theory. i cant believe i ever liked that show.

2012 – going january to dec here on all these. life at the bottom by dalrymple, heard of him from chapin, i know MW was a big fan as well. another warren farrell book i never fully read. righteous indignation by breitbart. war against boys by christina hoff sommers. you can see i was still big on mra/mgtow stuff, which i will not apologize for, it was necessary for muh development, and these people arent WRONG. also sommers or farrell arent woman shunning mgtows!!!! flipside of feminism by venker and schlafly, got autographed edition and i think phyllis schlafly went on to pass away soon after. america alone by mark steyn. i was listening to rush limbaugh radio and really liked when mark steyn hosted. he still is a great guy, so charismatic. radical son by david (((horowitz))). another chapin recommendation. interested there because horowitz went from communist to rightist. but def not alt rightist, hehehe.

liberty and tyranny by mark (((levin))). listening to some levin radio as well. never read the book. the long march by roger kimball, another chapin rec. didn’t fully read it but i didnt donate it either. freedom twenty five by frost. a kind of self improvement book by a decent PUA/Game writer, who was smart enough to potentially move beyond Game and Hedonism. not sure if he did. decent book actually. 4 hour workweek by tim ferriss, hahahahahaha.

here we go: confessions of a reluctant hater by grindr greggy johnson. i think i bought it from matt parrott’s bookstore, RIP. october 2012. muh first legit WN “alt right” book. interesting, at that time i was gettign rejected by woman2012, hehehe. good book by greg, i dont really hate greg, im just bantzing. greg is GREAT.

suicide of a superpower by pat buchanan. great book. then a bunch of christmas gifts for people.

2013 AMAZON PURCHASES, jan to dec

CULTURE OF CRITIQUE by stefan molyneux hahahahaha in may 2013. yep that was a good move. i never finished it but want to hahaha. c# for dummies, some c# and asp.net and internet app security books.  racism schmacism by james edwards of the conservative cesspool. political cesspool sorry. christmas gifts. was gonna start my new shitty job and was getting a lot clsoer with That Woman this year. amazon slowed down.

2014

texas holdem for dummies hahaha. the unschooling handbook by griffith. how to talk to anyone by lowndes. one sheaf one vine by griffin. he wrote the pierce biography and there are chapters in the sheaf book on mindweapon and alex linder. this was in august 2014 when mindweapon was getting doxxed and slandered. fookin antiwhite pigs.

dumbing us down by john taylor gatto in sept 2014. i think i was starting to feel the need to Have Heirs, because I was thinking about how to best educate children.

dispossessed majority by wilmot robertson. an old school pro white classic.

thus spoke zarathustra by freddy n because why the hell didnt i have this book. still havent read it tho hahahaha.

death of the west by pat buchanan. great book.

bunch of christmas gifts including a very nice one for That Woman. damn.

the shy man syndrome by gilmartin. was concerned clearly about how things were not going so well with That Woman at the end of the year. remember i got feelies around october and wanted to talk to her….but she was avoiding hanging out with me. the last we really HUNG OUT was in sept 2014. this book is the incel bible by the world’s leading incel phd hehehehe. it paints such a bleak picture that i had to stop reading it. good book though. just dont read it until you have a huhwhyte huhwhyfu.

2015 AMAZON

king of the hill season 6. watching KOTH was one of my only pleasures in life at this time with the shitty job and That Woman refusing to hang out with me. (but she still responded to my texts nicely and said we would hang out soon.) a book to help me with muh shitty job. by march 2015 i was obsessed with studying in off work hours and became totally consumed and crazy. cleveland show season 2 dvd. another decent show. the bias against guns by john lott in may 2015. i was laid off and a shitlib swpl acquaintance got into a big tirade on how guns are evil and need to be controlled, severely limited, and i wasnt confident enough to argue against him, but i knew he was wrong hahaha. judas priest live vengeance 82. CLASSIC show.

sept 2015 getting past your breakup by susan elliott. hehehehehe. yep that happened.

customer service training 101 by evenson. i felt i was losing all my customer service skills and was trying to mentaly prepare for tuff situations. i lost ALL my confidence to deal with tough customer situations. felt so weak. still do actually.

2016

a guide to customer service skills for the service desk professional by donna knapp. a customer service book for tech support help desk people. pretty good book, should have got this when i started that job. funny i only read it after i QUIT.

a RAM chip to upgrade muh computer. good call. some clothes with a gift card.

the dialectical behavior therapy skills workbook by mckay et al. hmm just bought this. not a bad book.

man going his own way by bernard chapin in dec 2016. not alt right, probably MGTOWish judging by dat title, but I wanted to support uncle bern for xmas hehehe.

a book related to the field of muh new JOB. I wanted to buy some relevant books RIGHT AWAY. still waiting on that one too.

wow thats all folks.

TLDR: I bought my first officially alt right, pro white book in october 2012, but was sowing the seeds well before that. if game and mra and mgtow can be considered sowing the seeds.

well, in 2012, they kind of WERE! and when i say “game”, i mean deeper thinkers like heartiste and houellebecq. and in 2012, mgtow seemed like a damn good idea!

i was reading heartiste even when i was a shitlib, just because i was so obsessed with women and why they were so ridiculous, and why i couldn’t even pull skanky promiscuous sluts who would fook ANYBODY EXCEPT ME! so heartiste/roissy and chapin got me started on muh journey. and those dirty sluts who wouldnt bang me or even hang out with me.

come on, youre a KNOWN slut, youre SUPPOSED to be EASY!!!! hahahaha. arent you mad at the patriarchy that oppresses you? dont you even know about any of this, YOU IGNORANT SLUT?

and then, THANK GOD, i came to realize “the patriarchy” was bullshit.

hehehe anyway when you buy babbys first copy of CULTURE OF CRITIQUE, thats usually a good sign ahahahaha. as i recall, i had known about it LONG before i finally bought it, such that i felt I was buying it LATE, in may 2013.

so thats muh cred hahahaha.

 

might as well toss this one in here, while i am keeping On Top of New albums. i have known about wardruna for years, ever since like 2011 when i started investigating gorgoroth, and then gayhl, which brought me to wardruna, which is not super gay, and also features kvitravn who was a decent drummer for gorgoroth, and they are doing full nordic larpagan stuff here, but it doesnt sound ridiculously larpy, which makes me wonder if they feel some kind of connection deep in their nordic blood, which would be great. just speculating here.

anyway. pretty chill and beautiful neovolkisch stuff from people who have srs metal background. and they just came out with a new album, here it is.

yep shaving with the old fashioned single blade safety razor is great, a pleasure, a privilege, a nice smooth shave……..but it takes a damn long time. you cant do it quickly. which is its number one con by far. if you try to go fast you will prob butcher your face and you will still take a long time anyway.

in other words, it may take too long to shave this way BEFORE you go to your job. unless you get up super early. i’ve just been using the electric razor so i can get an OK shave and not cut my damn face and do it pretty fast.

wow big snowstorm here, prob gonna be a bad winter, cuz last winter was so GOOD and light on snow and cold. which means this winter is gonna be fookloads of snow and ridic low temperatures.

just waiting around to go back outside, clear moar snow, then go to bed hehehe and get up at 5 am and maybe clear more snow again hahahaha.

have i uploaded this picture yet? it is very educational:

f05q4jp

i found it on MPC, and somebody bantzed PMan saying he was the third guy under Beta Negative, hahaha.

but yeah my audience is clearly delta negative and below. i identify most with omega positive. for sure.

also it neglects to mention that beta males CAN get women. they are just always at risk of losing these women to alphas.

those thuggish negros who women leave you for and who end up cheating on or dumping the women you luved? these deadbeat thugs would be alpha negative. the badbois. all the women see is the alpha part. they cant tell good from bad, alpha positive from alpha negative hahaha.

great concept here hahahaha

QUOTE

”  neveragoodtime 30 points 1 year ago
For you white knights on the fence, this isn’t an issue of men who are intimidated by a strong woman’s past sexual exploits. That if she tells you those days are over and she doesn’t do those things anymore and he was a jerk anyway and she loves you for you and sex isn’t that important anyway, she must be telling you the truth now. You’re not being compared to what she had in her past, you’re being compared to what she couldn’t have. She never had the alpha, she just f00ked him, and therefore thinks she could have had him, but obviously she didn’t lock him down. It’s not that you can’t compete with her exes, you can’t meet her expectations, and she will always be less happy in your relationship. ”

giphy-1

http://archive.is/iBo8D

glad to see this page has been already archived twice hahahaha

https://therationalmale%5Bdot%5Dcom/2012/01/06/the-slut-paradox/

another good page, only not linkin directly because i just dont want to leave a pingback. but i do support rollo tomassi i suppose insofar as this article and his view on game, women, the red pill, etc

and then of course i think of that woman. she will prob be an alpha widow. well her major BF, i knew him, and i got along with him, i didnt have any big problems with him, i wanted him and her to work things out, but he just wasnt feeling it. was he a true alpha? he was pretty damn handsome. but he was autistic as fook, and prone to despair, drinking, and being an antisocial grumpy asshole apparently, with no friends, who just wanted to sit around and use the internet. describing him he sounds like a neet virgin. but he was handsome and he had kind of a hardass confidence i guess. wasn’t scared of gurls. but he was absolutely not a normie. kinda wish i had gotten the chance to get to know him better.

the short term bf was prob an alpha negative. so she’ll prob be hung up on HIM.

went outside and cleared snow THREE times today and it was STILL coming down. total snowfall of 7 to 12 inches hehehe. thats a lot for us before the new year. its prob gonna be a bad winter. gonna get up even earlier tomorrow (4.40 am) to blow some more snow. THANK GOD we have a snow blower. many people do not.

tried to do a new job task while i was at home today, basically logging into a system and making a report The Boss wants. but i can’t figure out how to make the report for all people, only one by one. it seem TOTALLY STUPID that the system would not give you a SQL-like way to make the query, and FORCE you to pick only ONE person/record at a time. there HAS to be a better way…..but i just don’t know it. i just wanted to show some initiative.

wore the new $20 walmart winter boots. they were great. kept feet dry and warm. even if they fall apart halfway through the winter they will be worth it.

but yeah i liked That Woman because she didnt seem like the Cynical, Nihilistic, Desouled, Corrupted, Ruined, Destroyed, completely Infantile Modern Woman that all the Game and “Red Pill” blogs talk about. She seemed like a Decent Woman. and she probably was and is. she just got scared and ran away when there was something she couldnt handle. SIMPLE. NOT ROCKET SCIENCE here. dont need a smart guy like ROISSY or rollo tomassi to explain it to me.

dec 12

normie wagies need to still put in a grueling day of slavery. the lucky ones can hope they get a slow day. the unlucky ones will actually be BUSIER due to the bad weather. or it will have no impact because they are just getting phone calls from all over the nation and or world, not just their immediate area.

http://www.depressionforums.org/forums/topic/128618-alone-and-afraid/

this goy is having a tough time, gets dumped harshly by the love of his life, she blames him directly, refuses to talk further, now he is stuck in a Self Blame Spiral! I posted on there to try to reassure him. she’s dumping him for ying about his age. now this is her right, and it’s not great to lie about your age…..but i totally sympathized. especially since i totally understand why you would lie about your age. i have thought about lying about my age. oh yeah i only just turned 30, therefore it’s a lot less weird that i have no relship experience and barely any secsual experience, hahahahahaha.  that as a 30+ year old man i have signif less relship and secs experience than a 20 year old gurl!

but 20 year old gurls are huge sluts who have way TOO MUCH secs experience.

besides women are the supply men are the demand, so it’s not really weird that women have Relship Experience starting right at…..age 18 onward. that they aren’t Single much, in other words. just DONT rack up a high number while you are busy not being single. keep it with a low number of guys. LTR’s.

maybe that woman’s first major bf wasn’t an alpha positive, but he was an alpha negative because he was grumpy and unhappy and stubborn and used to have a drinking problem and was content with mediocrity in his job until she encouraged him to get a higher paying (but still really shitty and stressful!) job. she stayed with him, started dating him, even when he was making like minimum wage. so she saw something in his cocky badboy personality, and also he was handsome.

and he wasnt SO alpha that he got bored with her and dumped her and cheated on her. well it sounded like he got bored with her, but he didnt cheat or dump. he just stayed with her and drank and got grumpy and distant. a true alpha would have just dumped her or cheated.

so does this make him more moral than an alpha? but an alpha can be moral too, if he dumps and doesn’t cheat. theres nothing immoral about DUMPING.

so i think he was somewhat lazy, or had a tendency to get stuck in ruts. i know that feel! except my ruts never involved being in a traditional monog rel with a nice, sweet, pretty, young woman! even when he was in a rut, he was alpha enough to pull that off.  also he was Her First, so that i think was very relevant to her staying with him and not giving up on him, when he had clearly given up on her.

so who’s she gonna be the Alpha Widow for, is my question. this guy or the short term guy who came after, who blatantly Did Her Wrong? probably that guy, because he was more alpha, AND he did her wrong. it’s hard to get over that. makes you want to be mean and break some poor omegas heart as the revenge you aren’t allowed to get on the bad alpha hahahaha.

in fact the first BF kinda seemed like a Beta Negative, but I guess he was handsome and confident enough, albeit unpleasant, and she was young and “inexperienced” and innocent and loving enough, to not give up on him, and to give him MORE than a good faith effort, that i wish she had given 10% of to ME. and not in a relship way, but just in a just friends, try to do the right thing, good karma sort of way.

had to make a post on that one. yeah him lying about his age is legit a dealbreaker, but i think he had good intent and didnt deserve that punishment.

QUOTE here’s my effortpost to him:  ”  Darn man, that is just horrible. IMHO it is very insensitive of her to essentially say “It’s all your fault, you caused this,” then shut down, then throw you away like a piece of garbage. I think the much kinder, gentler, mature thing, is to say some variation of “it’s not you, it’s me,” when you are ending a relationship that the other person doesn’t want to end, and you know that person is going to be hurt. Try to be as gentle as you can on them with something you know is going to hurt them, not say “this is all your fault” AND then shut down and refuse to discuss it further. That sounds really rotten to me, and IMHO a person who would do that to you is not someone you would want in your life. How would you treat someone if you wanted to dump them and you knew they still wanted to be with you?

How hard is it for the dumper to make some kind of good faith effort to be kind (yet firm) in dumping? Does she know this is adding insult to injury? I had a similar situation and I just blamed myself for many months, thought that I had done something horribly wrong, that I was a horrible person, maybe I was a horrible abuser to make somebody get rid of me like this.

Yeah it’s not great to lie about your age, and yes people do have the right to make a one-sided decision to end a relationship whenever they want, but I think that with that right comes the responsibility to be decent to the person you are dumping. Maybe she is trying to “punish” you for lying to her? Possibly she doesn’t even know why she’s doing what she’s doing, and is too immature to see how much it’s hurting you.

You are right, it’s impossible to find other things which can perfectly substitute for the unique joys of a close relationship. But the pitcher example given above is pretty good. It’s important to distract yourself with hobbies, work, exercise, and not replay this over in your mind too much, or blame yourself. But it’s also important to grieve what is indeed a very big loss for you.

I would also recommend going No Contact. Or maybe directly telling her she could have been a little more tactful and considerate when dumping you, would she like it if somebody dumped her like that? (Maybe she was dumped like that in the past, and this is her “paying it back”?)

Yeah lying can destroy trust, and I’m sure you’ve already learned your lesson about not lying about your age in the future. Were there other lies? It’s her right to not want to forgive your lie, but still I don’t think it warrants the “punishment” you’re getting.

Would she be willing to go to a relationship counselor with you? I hate to say it, but it doesn’t sound like she’s WILLING to do much of anything to meet you halfway here. Minimal/No Contact might be for the best here. Sorry she couldn’t be more of an adult with you.

How long were you together? I think you said 5 months? Is that the entire length of time you knew her? I don’t mean to minimize your pain, but it’s hard to fully know a person in 5 months. Maybe she was starting to show her “true colors”, that is, someone who’s not willing to make the effort to be committed to you and handle conflict maturely.

There’s no way to make this easier, just try not to blame yourself too much and get through 1 hour at a time! Feel free to post any updates.  ”

END QUOTE

went for 1 mile powerwalk in neighborhood afternoon after YUGE winter storm, 10 inches of snow. workplace was closed down. wanted to see what the neighborhood looked like in the light. really not bad. city did a good job of plowing roads. most people cleared their driveways and even sidewalks. but muh new shiny winter boots enabled me to trudge through snow and keep feet warm and dry. and even through wet cold SLUSH as well.

so that is really good. since i never had good winter boots before, that was always my somewhat valid excuse for not doing powerwalks in the winter. so now i can get a bracing 20 minute powerwalk in. sometimes it will be too cold to do longer. that is ok. but 20 minutes should be doable even in 10 degree weather. and it is a balmy 30 degrees right now. and these arent even GOOD winter boots, but the cheapest boots i could find at WALMART.

ate a TINY  chocolate coated donut, it was like 80 calories. this was not a large or even a medium or probably even a small donut, but a very small, mini, bite size MINI donut.

its not eating fried meat that makes the sp1c n1gz too fat to walk, its Sweet Treats like donuts and chips and stuff. cakes, donuts, cinnabons. these are the absolute worst things.

not sure how great yandex is, but i just made an email there because andrew anglin mentioned the name, and i wanted something slightly permanent to go along with my second disqus account which pretty much gives away my location when i upvote Real Talk comments in the local paper hehehehe that i did not want linked with my larger Alt Right personality, like ooh look, this guy who upvotes trs also upvotes racist comments in the podunk times. that must be where he lives.

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Yandex

info on the yandex co

selling muh info to the skype cabal who controls russia hahahaha

Arkady Volozh the founder and ceo is a JOO welp i shouldnt be so suprirsed.

i like that they have a background of the huge “the motherland calls” statue in volgograd. but this is where the dirty reds beat back the glorious NSDAP hehehehe. the russians are the bad guys hehehe. well theres good russians and bad russians. good russian bad russian hehehehe. you can guess that that bad russians arent really “RUSSIANS” at all. ((((RUSSIANS)))) hehehehe. PURGE THE BERGS & STEINS!!!!!

man. all the new people coming into TRS are way better goys than me. masters degrees in petroleum engineering, 20 year old young men with 3.9 GPA in mechanical engineering or math. military service. social skills from selling shit. manly non bitch hands from working in machine shops. knows how to fix shit. with people like this coming in, i should get banned just for being a loser hahaha. giving money to TRS is not enough. especially when i dont give a LOT hahahaha.

yeah well if they ban me i will stop giving hahaha. i dont think they would really BAN me for being a loser. i mean i am slowly moving away from that loserness. probably not fast enough for their liking……but they dont need to know those details.

it just sucks to find a group of people you like and respect, then worry about them rejecting you because youre not good enough for them. and when you compare yourself with them, well shit yeah, they have accomplished a lot more than you and they ARE a lot cooler than you!

yeah well they havent rejected me yet hehehe. no need WORRYING about it.

dec 13

went in to job. was very slow and easy. saw a half black half white woman about 25 years old who made me consider race treason. she had a masters degree and was a Young Professional. She appeared Significantly Younger than me. she clearly had her life and career in order! she was pretty darn attractive. good in shape body. BMI 20 or so hahaha. light mocha skin. green or gray eyes, NOT dark brown black eyes hahahaha. i think she was a Halfroon rather than a Light Skinned Black. I felt bad she didnt have a real race to call her own. I wondered about her racial identity. But she clearly had a masters degree and a decent career. all by the age of 25 and was very attractive. would TOTALLY bang. would NOT have chirren with.

got paperback physical book of “man going his own way” by UNCLE BERN. it is a large book but thin, like a coloring book hahaha. very nice cover art. he uses a lot of foul language he does not use on his videos. i do not mind at all hahahaha. i honestly think he just never found the right woman. maybe a combination of standards too high and just have bad luck. maybe he was too Laissez Faire when he should have been Dominant. but he IS dominant in his own way! i guess not in the way that women like though. unlucky! i know his first (and only) wife was BATSHIT crazy. i think he talks about these juicy details in the book. stories of his youth, college, etc, that he doesnt really share in his videos. LISTEN TO THE EAGLE! BUY THE BOOK!

i would like for him to get racially woke and or red pilled on the JQ and become more fascist and 14 words, obviously, but i dont think he ever will. unless maybe he were to join TRS and really listen to the goys there….. i guess it depends on how serious he is about having children. at 46, 47 years old, he may have RESIGNED himself to no children.

anyway i will never stop muh $1 a month dnation to uncle bern because he was big in getting me to where I am today. I might even increase that hehehe.

came home at 2:45 pm or so and immediately took benedryl to prepare self for an early bedtime at liek 8 or 9. i guess ideally i should do that on sunday afternoon. the trick is not to take it too late so you are not groggy the next day at 5 am hahahha.

 

 

WHY IS POPULISM BAD

nov 19

ok this post should be shorter, hahaha. 4000 words max

i always liked jack lemmons uptight, nerdy, supplicating, neurotic style. it seems pretty jooish but i dont know if he was a joo. varg LETS FIND OUT.wav

” He was the only child of Mildred Burgess LaRue (née Noel) and John Uhler Lemmon, Jr., the president of a doughnut company.[2][3] His paternal grandmother was from an Irish immigrant family.[4]    ”

looks like not a joo. thank god hahaha.

yeah i mean i wish a bigboy FT job had picked me rather than this littlegurl PT job, it puts me back into the same conundrum i had when i was 26 except im not a young man of 26 anymore! but the good news is it lets me fix the GAP, and its also guaranteed not to give me a nervous breakdown hahaha. i just cant start any drama with WOMEN, and also i cant lose sight of the fact that i have to move on from there fairly quickly. ideally i would get a ft job with the same company.

i was very often trying to work for and win womens approval. with That Woman, at the beginning, i wasnt working at all. i mean i was doing shit, but i wasnt struggling and scheming and planning and strategizing and calculating and overthinking. we just got along veyr well and beause of that she liked me and i liked her. but not in that way. yet.

and then when i DID start liking her in that way, it all became that damn chess game where i had to figure out How To Make Her like me back.  it is an exhausting struggle that i have NEVER won.

but yeah either the woman likes you or she doesnt. either she s going to going to give you a chance or not.

and even when i have gotten as far as making out or Casual Dating with a woman…….it wasnt really HARD. there was enough Natural “Chemistry” or attraction to get me THAT far……but no further.

new crowbar album november 2016 “the serpent only lies”. i always liked crowbar but my peak with them was “oddfellows rest” in 2000! great album, possib muh fav of theirs. since then i havent been following them too much just because they are always releasing albums.

yeah EXCEPT they went on a solid hiatus for like 6 years while kirk focused on down. and since down is not looking super hopeful, i am glad he is doing stuff with crowbar.

i mean crowbar is very HONEST and SINCERE and REAL and keeps it REALLY REAL and there is absolutely nothing PHONY about them.

also i really dont think kirk is a joo. some white power guy on the internet has him on a list of joos but i doubt this.  mean his lifestyle is total working class white guy whitelash.

i know he had some struggles with drinking but not super hard drugs or anything. i wonder if he smokes MJ every day like a degenegro. PROBABLY hahahaha. now he just gets raging drunk less. i dont think he quit drinking altogether.

so yeah he’s not a model aryan ubermensch, just a flawed normie, and i believe his heart is in the right place, and i can respect someone who has an Instantly REcognizable Musical Style, which he does. no one else in the world sounds like this. he is Not Derivative at all. he’s been doing that for 30 years. he is all about good riffs and good songs and very honest unpretentious lyrics about being Tuff and Overcoming Adversity. how can you dislike that?

his main flaw is basically just getting sloppy drunk, or at least he used to, and i hope he doesnt anymore.

i dunno i did see down like 3 times with him and….he was one of those guys that probably could get totally fooked up and still play very well.

technically once i was face to face with him and said hello and shook his hand hahahahaha.

i was in this same situation 2 years ago with their previous album: oh i like and respect crowbar, i will always give crowbar a chance, i wish i was more familiar with their later stuff.

maybe their later stuff just isnt as GOOD hahahaha.

i dunno, on the surface it certainly doesnt seem BAD!!!!! i mean its textbook crowbar!

but yeah albums like “broken glass” and “oddfellows rest” had a MAGIC for me, and i am wondering if thats because crowbar had more MAGIC back then, or I had more magic back then when i was young and innocent.

but yeah even if i cant REMEMBER any of the last 5 crowbar albums, i will always respect what they do.

also i think kirk became RELIGIOUS with their 3rd most recent album hahahaha. like CATHOLIC i think. which is bretty kewl imho. wish he talked more about that. figured it would be more of a controversy.

anyway i just hope he is a good father to his child/ren. i know he has at least one.

i know that he was married and was divorced. was she a piece of trash? was it because he was drinking too much?  what about the children?

anyway, as with all white men, i hope he is trying not to be a drunk degenerate, and is being a good father. the fact that he can write such honest music is a signal that he has good intentions.

yeah the road to hell is paved with good intentions, but they mean something to ME at least hahahaha. better to have good intentions than not, i say. its worth SOMETHING.

had dream last night that i was in AUSTRALIA with a group of people including TWO of the young qt women i used to work with when i was 26 to 30 hahaha. yeah and That Woman was a third woman of those. i only meet qt women at muh job hahahaha. thankfully That Woman was not in the dream. but woman2012 was! and also this other qt dark haired gurl that got married kinda young.

dont remember much about the dream other than near the end, i was kinda getting ostracized from the group. or i was being a dick and i ostracized myself. either way, i no longer had a chance with either of those two women. that sucked hahahaha. just wanted some cuddle and make out and hang out and romance action. i only had good intentions. i didnt want to use anybody for casual bullshit.

so i would have dated 2 girls at once? yeah but i would have been honest about it hahahaha. and if foreced to choose i would prob choose woman2012 because she had longer legs and a bigger ass hahahahahahahahahahahaha

and then tell the other gurl, SORRY for hurting your feelings, youre a good person, you wont have ANY PROBLEM finding a decent man.

they are finally coming out with the black metal lords of chaos and they are having a guy named COHEN play varg vikernes hahahahahaha. WOW. i wonder what he will say about that.

yeah i mean i will probably watch it just for fun, im sure it will be horrible. but hopefully FUN at least.

darkthrone told them NO you cant use our logo or our music. i respect anyone who can turn down free shekels like that.

but i also think, well, they have lives and families, and the shekels could HELP them!

but the movie does sound really really really jooish hehehe.

i would totally let darkthrone play a show for 100 grand tho. that is MUCH less jooish.

play the show, give the money to your kids, build a home in the country far away from the urbanite, raise 5 kids like varg in the country. be like varg. varg should play a show for 100 grand hahahaha. he could say whatever he wanted and then never get invited back because he would hopefully say a ton of antis3m1t1c and pro-white stuff!!! hahaha.

or not play ANY songs, and just give a pro-white speech for hours hahahaha. well i would want him to play songs though haha.

and all the drunk degenerates would be like boooo racism. i mean really. its pearls before swine.

so have the show be a very exclusive alt right invite only thing, where you can onyl get invited if you pass an interview process proving your pro white bona fides. then they could raise money from rich successful white pro-whites to give to varg. might not be as much as some jooish festival promoter tho hahahaha.

unrelated but this album could also be good. epic atmospheric pagan black metal with some celtic angle and great cover art hahaha. also brand new. i guess i am into super newly released music again. thanks deathspell omega hahaha.

yeah this sounds very promising, little long tho

plus i like the scots hahahaha

got those whistles and flutes and bagpipes, very nice, i will accept this in muh atmoblack hahahaha he is a nationalist but doesnt quite realize it yet hahaha.

i think me MIGHT be an american but he moved to scotland. glasgow. not sure if the guy from panopticon (austin lunn) plays drums on this like he did for saor’s last album “aura.”

no its a guy from this other scottish black metal band hehehehe.

ok andy marshall of saor does anoter scottish atmo black band called fuath, good job buddy, writing 2 albums of epid 16 minute songs, in 1 year hahaha. he also had bands before saor called askival and in vino veritas. dunno guess i just like the idea of SCOTTISH BLACK METAL hahahaha and this guy is pretty much the biggest name in it.

(shit i saw a picture of him where he had big faggy ear gauges. seriously. kids in 2016 still do this. never understand that shit. DEGENERATE. )

well with me and music, i kinda have to go where the spirit takes me. its not supposed to make sense or be logical or even necessarily good music hahahaha.

welp listened to that crowbar album, it sounded exactly like crowbar. their sense of consistency is something you make a good natured joke about at this point. hey i dont really want them to do anything different, just make good songs. well i mean for example i know kirk is a big led zeppelin fan, so why dont they write a song with some LZ influences? also i would like to see more Mellow and Clean Singing songs, because he has a GREAT clean voice, spine chilling. they started doing occasional Clean songs in 1999 hahahah so its nothing really NEW.

heh. you know whos NOT degenerate? GARTH BROOKS. thats right. i decided i should really start listening to garth brooks. hes not part of this super faggy new school of jooified “country” and he is a nice family man who retired from a super popular career to spend more time with his kids. and now that his kids are grown, he’s coming back a little bit, playing more shows.

hes a little bit SILLY of a guy but i think thats because he genuinely enjoys life in a non degen way hahaha.

and he is a very good performer.

george strait would also be acceptable to listen to hahahaha.

i thought this shit was corny and lame during the 90s, but it was probably the least degen popular music available in the nihilistic 90s, and also country music got much much much much much much much worse over the next 20 years!

ok so my new  job goal is to write as many super duper detailed, epic, heroic, miraculous WORK STORIES as possible. get at LEAST 10. so i can have a RAFT of SUPER DETAILED, SUPER AWESOME STORIES chock full of specific detail in future interviews.

i had some work stories now, but the key thing that i forgot to do back then, was WRITE THEM DOWN AS SOON AS THEY HAPPEN, DAY OF, AS MANY DETAILS AS POSSIBLE, and then you can always edit it later.

and you SHOULD edit it later, to make yourself look smarter and better. the important thing is that there are a TON of details.

get at least ten of these stories and you should then be able to interview your way into a better job. maybe be worthy dating women that almost look as good as transsexual men hahahahahahahahahahaha

hey they are plenty of terrible looking transsexual men, they arent all think young feminine looking qts hahahaha, some of them actually look like big burly crowbar esque men ahhahahahaha.

i cant believe i didnt write down work stories before. i had so many of them! i know i TALKED about them into my recorder. i could do back and listen to those tapes and then write the stories out. but apparently i didnt want to do that!

it would have been better to smuggle out the case notes….but i stopped doing that a few months in.

so i could have done THAT from home, i had access to case notes from home, i could have just copied and pasted.

but i was so fried and burnt out and broken down, i couldnt even think of obvious, easy solutions like that.

shit just copy down the top 20% of interesting, weird, or detailed cases! just copy the weirdest ones!

wewlad just got down to lowest weight evar, 132 lbs. i mean its POSSIBLE i weighed less than this like 12 years ago!!!!! but not recently! and i am old as shit and at basically the lowest weight i have ever been! so thats good! i mean i could actually get away with GAINING weight at this point…..but i dont really want to do that.

USE YOUR WORDS TO COMMUNICATE. AND USE UNAMBIGUOUS WORDS, not words like “like” or “hang out.”

well at least she feels bad about breaking her bfs heart hahahaha. sounds like she feels REALLY bad about it hahaha. GOOD. YOU SHOULD hahahaha.

no sorta kidding, she shouldnt feel THIS bad if she made a good faith attempt to dump him in a sensitive way, without trying to add insult to injury.

“sounds like she didnt have much respect for your relship if she dumped you with a TEXT” hahahahahaha

yeah i THOUGHT she had MORE RESPECT for me than that

and i thought i knew her better than that.

sheeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeit.

still wanna sm0ke mad w33d.

still thinking about going to a SHADY ASS “doctor” in a dispensary on “doctor day”, saying i dont have any medical records, and that ive been getting persistent chronic pain in muh….back. carpal tunnel. then getting the card sent to a po box. then just let the po box expire once i have the card and i am buying tonnes of MJ hahahaha.

its like a prescription that NEVER RUNS OUT. that alone is rather unbelievable.

go to a doctor ONCE, have a card to buy drugs FOREVER. well, for 2 years. even still, could you imagine getting a 2 year prescription to buy as much Painkillers as you wanted? as much benzos as you wanted? for 2 full years! INCONCEIVABLE!!!!!

nov 20

sheeeeeeeeeeeit.

ok on my first day i gotta bring in donuts or bagels.

also gotta be dressed like a damn boss.

i dont think they wear suits every day there hahaha.

ok there is a 24 hour tim hortons nearby, so i can get some donuts and bring them in at 8 am hahaha

then they will judge and bullycide and abuse me for being uneducated, trump supporting and racist enough to buy such racist, hateful, bigoted donuts. donuts are what FAT BIGOTS like COPS eat.

i am being Silly but thats not far off from my usual line of Distorted Thinking, which has wrought massive anxiety and despair in muh life hahahaha

EVERYBODY HATES THE DESPERATE. nobody likes desperate people. employers, women, kool kids, winners. all shun and shame the desperate.

you know who LUVS the desperate?

JESUS! GAWWWDDDDD!!!!!!

so never forget that. when its lonely desperate you and the world is against you, JESUS is on your side. and LUVS you just as much as he luvs TRVMP.

hell yes i support jeff sessions for atty general. but the question is, how does he feel about joos. it could go both ways. some of these southern bigots luv joos and israhell and are not j wise at ALL.

SEE? ALL THOSE TRUMP SUPPORTERS ARE HUGE WHITELASH RACISTS!!!!!

no they arent, just the alt right subset hahahaha.

and at least half of them are polite and nice like neoreactionaries. and dont use hate speech like I do hahahaha.

so yeah i do not represent trvmp, nor do i represent the average trvmp supporter, who is probably WAY less racist than me hahahahahaha.

so whats the deal with jobs where they dont even tell you the salary range during the interview, you have to get to the second interview just to get a god damn IDEA, when its not a 60k a year job were talking about, its more like 30k job. you dont GET to be so circumspect about salary for a 30k job…….well yes of course you do!

but yeah being TOUGH, thats always been a problem for me. tough situations in life that SHOULD act as a crucible to toughen me up and make me into a better, stronger man…..i always break down and become a weaker, bigger loser.

anyway WOMEN. dont have such SHALLOW relationships. take PEOPLE more seriously. PEOPLE are important, relationships are important, intimacy is important. cuddling is SUPPOSED to build intimacy, sex is REALLY supposed to build intimacy, and women have this damn carousel of men, relships, sex, cuddling, motions of intimacy, and its all a lot of things that are SUPPOSED to be important or intimate, but they treat them like NOTHING.  its DISTURBING and SOCIOPATHIC hahahaha.

thats why they call it a RELATIONSHIP, because its all about RELATING to/with another person!

hmmm npi conference was yesterday. millennial woes looked like a slob in a purple t shirt and gray hoodie. looked like a real unemployable neet, looked like me lounging around the house hahahaha.

redice did a very nice stream of basically the whole event. THANK YOU redice.

i guess emily youcis got harrassed by antifa outside and sprayed with something.

i mean i dont like women in the alt right, but she has earned some cred for that i suppose.

ill still white knight more for alt right trannies than alt right women because the trannies are less of degenerate sluts than the women hahahahahah.

that proves it! Im a woman hater pure and simple and woman hating has no place in the alt right, in pro white, in a healthy society! this is MY PROBLEM that i need to FIX!

things that mean SO much to you, like cuddling, or making out, or fooking, or spending time with somebody, or having a rel with somebody, or being vulnerable and intimate with a person, it all means nothing to women! its all as meaningless as taking a dump!

i dont think they INTEND to be SOCIOPATHS! and isnt INTENT a big deal to me?

well….only to a point. if you cheat on somebody and say well i didnt MEAN to cheat on you, it just HAPPENED, one thing led to another…..yeah ok intent doesnt matter there. you have plenty of time to stop it.

i didnt intend to be a sociopath, i just acted like a sociopath in all muh relships and never tried to stop it.

nope, not all relships, just the ones with me!

i bring out the sociopath in all women hahaha.

no thats WRONG. NOT TRUE. woman2012 didnt treat me like a sociopath. That Woman didnt ALWAYS treat me like a sociopath.

havent you ever just RUN AWAY from something you couldnt handle? i ran away from College when I was 21 because I was like I Just Cant Handle This Any More. I should have done it at age 18 or 19! then immediately gotten Severe Treatment, 100000000000 mg of prozac, maybe some electroshock, then gotten a STEM/math degree at my prestigious univ, or gotten a stem/math degree at local less prestigious univ so i could stay at home and not be tempted by degeneracy, or at worst just gotten a business degree from local univ, or something. maybe being out of that environment would have been good. because i was tempted too much by the degen of MJ.

i still used MJ and alcohol when i was at home though……..

i dunno. i should gone to a shrink along with my 1000000000000 mg of prozac, and they could try to convince me to stop doing mj and alcohol. because i was too young for that shit.

http://www.wikihow.com/Be-Tough

https://www.google.com/#q=how+to+be+tough

ok read and understand. if you have a question, read it again until you understand. dont come looking for me to give you a free ride hahahaha. read and understand. youre an adult nao hahahaha.

If you could federally legalize MJ with a 35% tax on it……..then wouldnt it behoove the feds to legalize it?  theyd make billions of dollars on the taxes, more money than they make nao from…….what? booze being legal? but that money is going to booze barons, not politicians or govt!

also if MJ were legal, MJ barons could make a ton of money, as well as the govt taking 35% taxes on it!

not that I think taxes are good, i am just saying its a way to convince govt to make it legal, because THEY love taxes, and i would be WILLING to pay HEAVY taxes to have MJ legal and easily available.

im just trying to figure out why mj is still illegal. basically, both the govt And the Superrich Elites could make a TON of money off it being legal! so why dont they?

i mean they are probably GOING this way, it will just take 10 more years, cuz govt moves SLOWWWWWLY. except when legalizing phag marriage. that happened pretty damn fast hahahaha.

i mean most people can get MJ because its easy to get for social normies. they always know at least one person. the one person i sorta know is unable to do anything at the moment, so i have to wait hahahahaha.

well dont blame THEM!

im not tho!!!!! really!!!!

heh. that was another thing i lost when i lost That Woman.

maybe she really was just shady sketchy white trash that im better off without her in my life hahahaha. i mean she certainly thought SHE was much better off without ME in her life!!!!! and im not that shitty! seriously!!!!!!!!!

maybe her mind was so clouded and she made such bad decisions because she did MJ every day.

i also made very bad decisions and ran away from responsibilities when i was 21 largely because i did mj every day!

well she was older than 21!

21 its ok to be immature. 25, you should start thinking about adulting and being mature.

of course i am over 30 and still very immature.

but you can be immature in diff WAYS!!!!!

http://www.wikihow.com/Keep-Yourself-Calm-During-Tough-Times

heh. there should be a psych phd who writes a book on what happens to your Brain as you go Incel over 10 years.

i mean i dont really care about the SECS nearly as much as the general cuddling or intimacy or having a real REL with a woman.

the GFE, the EXPERIENCE of being with somebody special who is diff from a regular friend, or acquaintance, or family.

and women take these very special rels for granted, have many of them, treat them as replaceable and disposable. hahahaha.

no not all women. not even 51% of women hehehe.

hmm intradasting. no real point here other than to say he felt good when she broke no contact on his bday to wish him happy bday (she dumped him and it was very hard for him), he struggled in doing NC, and now she was sending this message, and he was like, i felt better know that i and the relship meant something to her.

now he says he doesnt want her back. i dont know about that!

standard stuff

hehehe his 22 yo gf has been with a LOT of guys. at age 22 i had only been with 1 gurl. at age 32 i had only been with 1 gurl.

always gets dumped by girls after a few dates or fooks and they see how INSECURE and NEEDY he is. well he is still young as shit, but this has apparently happened several times. oh well. at least hes not a virgin hahaha. maybe he needs a 10 year period of celibacy until he is 33 hahahaha.

heheh i hate thsi shit. she will dump him because oh im not good enough for such a good guy. but if this were a guy dating a gurl who was too good for him, she would dump him IMMEDIATELY and he would feel REAL bad. how do you think this bipolar OP would feel if her too good for her BF dumped her in a very insulting way, like yeah im way too good for you, you dont deserve me? she would be super devastated!

youre not allowed to be depressed if you got into a decent grad school at age 23. maybe if you got rejected and your only option was work at starbucks or get a devry mba and then become a team lead at starbucks. at best. i mean starbucks might be too good for you, they have health benefits ahhahahahahhahaha.

i also think its stupid that she was over me IMMEDIATELY, while its gonna take TWO YEARS for me to get over HER. go thru a little grief and pain. did i really mean NOTHING to you?

but yeah it doesnt bother me as much as it used to.

it doesnt mean it doesnt still bother me, almost every day!

just relatively less. and i THANK GOD for that.

well at least alt right is sticking as a word that means something to people. they use it on mainstream media to refer to far right white supremists, racists, anti semites hahahahaha. like those evil alt righters. no, not all trvmp supporters are radical racists like those ALT RIGHT people hahahaha.

so now i can be like yep im alt right, and i am looking for other alt right people to hang out with.

and people will say you deplorable racist bigot! or, hell yeah me too 1488! HAIL VICTORY!

and then we will get into a huge argument about phag enabling and religion and mj and me not being hyperborean ubermensch enough hahahahahaha.

yeah well it TOTALLY CAN take two years to get over someone. i dont think thats weird at all.

it just disgusts me that NO WOMAN goes two years without SECS. that even if they are Getting Over some other man, they are having Casual Secs with other men. All Women act like 6 months without secs is such a TRAGEDY.

NO. ITS NORMAL. TWO YEARS without secs while you get over somebody SHOULD be normal.

yeah TEN years is not normal i agree. but were not talking about 10 yers, were talking about 2 years.

anyway this thing is making me think All Women Always Treat All Relationships as Throwaway Meaningless Nothingness, and this is not true. it is CLASSIC COGNITIVE DISTORTIONS.

http://www.dbtselfhelp.com/html/cognitive_distortions.html

https://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/in-practice/201301/50-common-cognitive-distortions

like good lord. just swear off of secs with men for 6 months and use the damn dildos youre always talking about.

whats the deal with trumps dead brother (i heard he was a Drunk) and his 2 sisters? i have never ever seen them.

yeah so freddy trump was a kinda black sheep and died at age 43 of drinking. one sister is a fed judge, cant believe we havent heard from her. other sister was in banking? other brother was in family business and makes an effort to stay out of attention. i guess there is no issues between any of them.

ok good enough for me.

don jr drank a little during college but apparently got his act together and is now super successful winner with beautiful white children hahahaha.

hmmm ivanka trump is actually OLDER than me. but eric trump is not hahahahaha.

don jr got married in 2005 and had FIVE children in NINE years. the bad news is that his wife is HALF J00. DAMN. COME ON DON.

well at least its not as bad as ivanka and KUSHNER. im not even sure if they should have children. just dump kushner, marry a goy, have goy children.

so yeah his wife is half jooish. and supposedly tiffany trump is dating a jooish man. COME ON. COME ON DON.

how have i not looked into this?

oh is this a sick joke, eric trumps wife lara is full joo. SMDH.

ivanka the orthodox joo and kushner have THREE children. oy vey. what a shonde. its like annuda shoah!

so all of TRVMPS grandchildren are damn MISCHLINGS.

maybe this is a kamikaze strategy to End Jooish Lines? I have too many doubts about that to think it could possibly be effective. especially using your own children.  maybe they just arent joo wise. but how can they NOT be?

SON OF A BITCH.

also i wanted to ask, WHY IS POPULISM BAD?

because its racist?

because “POPULISM” is a codework for Working Class White Male Whitelash?

yeah pretty much.

now i dont like the idea of MOB RULE, but i dont think that what the MSM is getting at when they say “populist”, they just mean the scary evil racist bigot WHITELASH.

http://www.dailystormer.com/the-rise-of-the-white-lash/

welp if i dont make something of myself in the next 4 years, thats it. thats my only hope hahahahahaha. this is white males time to shine and if i dont take advantage of it, i am done hahahaha. white male privilege alone wasnt enough to make me a productive member of society. i need EVEN MORE because i am THAT bad. and here it is with trvmp hahaha.

yeah i should order a red trvmp hat already.

and hanging out with more trump supporters and especially alt right people in real life.

wearing a trvmp hat in public hahahaha.

how much and what kinds of tax would have to be placed on MJ to make it more profitable to the Powers That Be for MJ to be legal, rather than it to be illegal? 100% tax to feds AND 100% tax to state and maybe another 100% to city?

pay $400 for a $100 bag of MJ? yeah ok i might not pay that. i wouldnt pay more than 50% tax hahahaha.

but shouldnt that be enough?

i mean how much law enforcement resources are used to arrest and prosecute MJ growers, dealers, etc?

as opposed to more dangerous drugs like meth or opiates?

no one goes to prison for MJ anymore!

so whos making money on illegal MJ? Mexican Cartels? and the US Gov wants mexican cartels to continue making money because…….this i cant figure out. The Secret Truth.

because Cartels give Fedgov billions of dollars a year? how? bribes? who exactly are they bribing? it seems like it would be lower level frontline feds would be more suspectable to bribes than top dea directors, fed judges, fed higher ups.

so YOURE TELLING ME that these feds make more money in HIGHLY illegal BRIBES from MEXICAN CARTELS, than all of the fedgov could legally make by taxing MJ 35%? 40%? 50%???

i just find it very hard to believe.

 

I DONT WANT A PRESIDENT WHO DOESNT USE VULGAR LANGUAGE TO TALK ABOUT WOMEN

oct 5 2016

sheeeeeeit.

ok. got up and prepared for day like responsible man: shower, shave, breakfast, brush and floss, tied tie, now i am just waiting until i leave in 53 minutes to drive to interview starting at 2pm.

tell them at interview today that if it get the job at the “bank” uhhhh i have to take it. that is the one with int on upcoming tues that i am all excited about hehe. i mean it is a patently better job, better pay, prob better benefits, closer, i’d be an idiot not to. any non-failing business would agree with me hehehe.

leave for interview in 13 minutes. all dressed up atm. ready to go. try not to diaerrhoea.

shirt is def too big. pants are….not too small but they are “slim fit” unfort, so they will ALWAYS feel a little weird. i honestly could not find an ok looking blue suit that was not slim fit. it was the price i had to pay.

yeah just the idea that you need 100% accuracy and no errors, the job is, this NEEDS to be PERFECT, not 99.9%, but 100%, every time, your job is to make sure its PERFECT. ok i get that. but what i dont get is that asking a more experienced person to SIGN OFF on this is considered time wasting and hand holding and youre fired. NO. it should be Best Practices and Standard Operating Procedure to have a “Team Lead” Sign Off on your work.

oh golly gee i dont know what im doing but i hope its right because our paying client needs this airplane door to be 100% or else it will fly off at 140000 feet and 500 passengers will get sucked out the door to their deaths hahahaha.

or this bridge will fall apart and 1000 people will die and its on YOUR hands, lowly level 1 guy, not the Master Engineer who YOU thought “should” “sign off” on such an important project. no hes got better things to do like get drunk at lunch and look at Prep The Bull and Trap Porn on his work computer and make 4 times as much as you.

later

welp did my interview. it was kinda ridiculous but not in a horrible way. mainly the guy double booked his interviews for 2 people at the same time, there was a white man also dressed in a nice suit, but he seemed about 5 years older than me.  but healthy and regenerate looking hahaha. very healthy weight. anyway this other manager decided he would essentially do the interview with me, so i started talking to him, he was an all right guy, but then it was like ok lets see if the original manager is ready to talk to you now. so i ultimately talked to TWO managers one after the other and the whole thing took like 1 hour 40 minutes. thankfully both guys were nice and the company and job actually seemed all right EXCEPT there is a kind of sales/incentive pay structure, but there is a damn 13 week training program and starting at 17 dollars an hour at that time, so…..thats pretty good. the guy said the guys here were very “BLUE COLLAR” and i said thats great, I come from a blue collar family and have a Thick Skin to handle Bantz and F-Bombs hahahahaha.

i said all the right marketing bullshit about the companys culture and values and bla bla bla.

there were some times when i stumbled and sounded like an autist, similarly to how i did yesterday, but just like the person yesterday, they didnt jump on me for it or even seem to care. so i spilled the spaghetti a couple times, NO BIG DEAL. and that is ultimately pretty encouraging.

there was a sales office right there and they are hiring sales people too. i said my background was more geared towards Service Technician than Sales per se, although I DO have very good Communication and People skills and like to Educate people hahhahahahahaha.

but they also emphasized they are an Ethical company and do not try to sell people things they dont need. Which could be BS, but I said, Good, because I’m a very ethical guy and I wouldn’t want to sell people things they really don’t need. which is NOT BS!!!!!!!

well i have been so busy interviewing i missed the deadline for a few jobs to apply hehe. have to keep a PIPELINE going hahahahahahaha.

one thing i did like about the job today was that they had a lot of training. a LOT of training. 13 weeks. they said a lot of guys were confident at 8 weeks and said let me get out there, the the company wanted to err on the side of caution. and make sure people passed tests and got certified for jobs where certification was not Legally Mandatory.

now they could just be bullshitting to sell the job to me…..but its pretty good bullshit! shit yeah tell me more about how you make sure your people are fully trained.

since it does get into incentive based shit after training, i asked if any of the people really struggled with that. the manager said everyone is doing well and reaching goals. and these are salty technicians and not born smooth talking salesmen.

anyway i hate the idea that a woman will dump you as soon as you stop showing strength. that she can need you but GOD FORBID you ever need HER. is this really the way women are and i just have to accept it? I accept that men are stronger emotionally and physically and mentally than women and that men have to do MOST of the work……but I don’t think women cant be capable of doing any work at all. so you have to support her always, and she supports you NEVER? thats fookin gay.

yeah well she never gave up and walked out when her longterm boifran was freezing HER out. but im not sure he was being “WEAK” though. he was being strong but silent hahahaha. well, he might not have been being “STRONG” but he wasnt being WEAK either. he was jsut distant and cold and stubborn. but she made a real effort with him at least.

so yeah she was capable. jsut not with me. because i was weak hahahaha.

i just HATE the idea that you have to be PERFECT or else they LEAVE.

but thats clearly not true! her BF wasnt perfect and she gave him MORE than a fair chance! many women stay with men who are VERY not perfect!

yeah but these men present as strong, and not at all as weak. they dont get nervous or anxious. they might get ANGRY at the women always wanting to TALK and DO STUFF and FIX stuff. but the men are not freaking out like a hysterical WOMAN.

oct 6

 

classic album here, if you dont like this album, gtfo. train your 3dpd fat slob to like this album as you bang her hahahahaha.

as a lifelong fan of srs metal, i have learned the important and mature lesson than women who like metal = crazy = bad (im talking about like serious fans of black or death metal, not they like a few random hit metal songs by metallica or pantera or slayer or motorhead or iron maiden or something, that should be fine).

but yeah a woman that likes the CURE, i would still be pretty impressed by that. even though im old enough to KNOW BETTER about being IMPRESSED by a womans MUSICAL TASTE. its a traaaappp.

i dont even think robert smith is as big a degenerate as most musicians, well, assuming from the fact that he’s been married to the same woman for like 40 years.

never saw the cure live and they are one of the few on muh live concert bucket list. note to self, if i have feelings for a woman, do NOT take that woman to the cure concert, because i wont be able to remember that as a good memory when she dumps me and breaks my heart hahaha. go with a male friend or alone.

yeah hard to go wrong with the cure. it is smooth and chill, and beautiful, and melodic, romantic, catchy, and also sad and emo, and spine chilling, and this album is probably their best moment. the Lush Beauty of “pictures of you” to the super catchy hard rocking of “fascination street” and of course their biggest hit “lovesong” which is a great song. i mean its impossible not to like and RESPECT this album. for any fan of music. if you dislike this album YOUR JUST STUPID.

yeah i guess if youre a total hipster you could say its too mainstream and overplayed. its def mainstream but is it REALLY overplayed? are these REALLY boring songs? these are timeless, classic songs that are played a lot for a REASON.

it IS a little LONG though at 63 minutes, where 40 minutes is the ideal album length.

working class men on Worksites listen to MUSIC all day as they do their hard work. i think this is very significant and worth some thought. if you are listening to music, it is harder to PANIC and be ANXIOUS and NERVOUS, and ALSO it means you are CONSTANTLY TALKING and thinking on your feet to come up with Bullshit Explanations for both your supervisors and your customers. that is EXHAUSTING. its like CAMPAIGNING for president and you have to talk and bullshit all day. i could NEVER do that, i dont know where trump gets his ENERGY, but its safe to say he’s always been that way, and some people just ARE.

heheh i forgot about the 311 cover of lovesong. that is tbh pretty darn good fam hahahaha. pretty secsy for blowing out your bitches asshole hahahahaha. because they LIKE being treated like Jooish Pornographic Filth. Absolutely Disgusting. BELIEVE ME, I would rather treat them as Fragile Flowers, because I HATE Jooish Pornographic Filth. Hate that Disgusting SHit that has RUINED Women And Men. words cannot describe the HATE. i dont hate nonwhites, i might not even hate joos, but by god i HATE the disgusting filth that joos have created! I hate the evil they have done!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

funny that the cure has an album called “pornography.” as an old man, this to me is AWESOME because that is an INCREDIBLY dark, despairing, nihilistic album, and I think this terrible feel perfectly captures the actual real essence of pornography. it is not secsy or hot and all. it is empty and despairing and nihilistic and soulless and horrible. i’m not sure if thats what robert (first name basis hahahaha) was getting at, but i like to think he was hahahahaha.

and yeah “pictures of you” is a CLASSIC FOR A REASON!!!!! and perfectly captures Lost Love and Heartbreak and Regret and embodies what i have felt for the past 14 months hahahahahahaha. thankfully i can enjoy the song on its own merits as a way to express a personal emotion that was unshared with her, hahahaha. meaning, im glad i never cuddled or buttfooked her while listening to THE CURE or this album, because then it would actually REMIND me of her, rather than help me Get Over Muh Emotions ABOUT her. in other words, the cure is MY thing and not HER thing, definitely not OUR thing. well she probably likes a few cure songs but we never shared any cure moments, thank god.

NEVER share things with women hahahahaha cuz then you cant enjoy your favorite music and movies when they break your heart and leave you. THEY WILL RUIN YOUR FAVORITE THINGS FOR YOU. i mean thank god i can still listen to neil young, but it took a while! TOO LONG!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! yeah i mean you get over it, but it sucked that i couldnt even listen to one of muh favorite music guys for months!!!!!!!!!!!!

want to get out of house before noon today (oh god that sounds so lazy and negrish!!!!!!) and do some errands

also prep for autist aba job interview tommorow

AND apply for 3 jobs because i think about 3 decent jobs are gonna “expire” by tommorow

AND get good powerwalk

AND get 14 pushups

AND eat less than 1200 calories because i went like EIGHT HUNDRED OVER yesterday, oy vey.

uhhhh 14 pushups is a good baby step, but all together that is a lot of baby steps hahahaha.

ok went to store

ok called the interview place and stalked the woman who will be interviewing me, she was supposed to email me 2 days ago but it never went thru because she typed my hard to spell email wrong.

i called her and aksed for her hard to spell email and successfully sent a message to her hahahaha. thankfully she does not have a masters degree and seems like a nice person from the stalking i did.

ok got the shit printed out, hehhehe if you have to print out 10 pages of shit for every interview, thats 250 pages hahahaha. i have already bought 2 black ink cartridges and am burning thru the 3rd one pretty quickly. so stupid.

not going to get a ton of sleep tonight, might blank out and do a gary johnson aleppo moment tomorrow. that really looks bad. well if he can get to be governor, i can get a 12 dollar an hour autism technician job.

uhhhh applied to 2 jobs today but not 3. prepared my info sheet for tomorrow.

this org clearly has a problem with people not sticking around. prob because they quickly find better paying jobs. and they cant afford to pay them more because they are a nonprofit org. so they are angry about people getting valuable autism training and then leaving before 10 months. but i……

i dunno i just hate being in a job and saying OH GOD HOW AM I GONNA DO THIS I DONT KNOW WHAT IM DOING I CANT HANDLE THIS JOB OH GOD WHAT DO I DO OH GOD THIS IS RIDICULOUS WHY DID THEY GIVE ME THIS JOB OH YEAH BECAUSE THEY CANT FIND PEOPLE WHO WILL PUT UP WITH THIS SHIT FOR MORE THAN A FEW DAYS WITHOUT QUITTING!!!! WHAT THE HELL AM I SUPPOSED TO DO HERE WHAT SHOULD I SAY TO THESE PEOPLE TELL ME WHAT TO DO PLEEEEASE TELL ME WHAT TO SAY TO THEM I DONT KNOW WHAT IM DOOOOOOOOOOOING HOW CAN YOU PUT ME OUT HERE IN FRONT OF THESE PEOPLE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

i also worry that the “workplace safety” job will do regular drug tests because you drive a company van. oh god i cant drive a large van!!!!!!! what if the van breaks down!!!!!!

i think this autism job would be more fun and i would enjoy it more and also be able to SURVIVE and WITHSTAND it better, because it is part time and because it is sort of in muh wheelhouse. well i am more conflicting about wanting the autism job vs the safety job, however in the autism vs the bank job, i def want the bank job!!!!!

hehehehe this is assuming i get offers from both jobs in these situations. VERY big assumptions!!!!!

does that mean i had a good feeling abotu the saftey job? kind of!

and i have kinda a good feeling about getting the autism job.

REALLY? I have been REJECTED for ELEVEN dollar an hour part time jobs recently, what reason do i have to be optimistic about a TWELVE DAH PT job? hahahahaha. well because my degree actually relates to this job, sort of, where it doesnt relate to “office administrative assistant” job. which is stupid. i mean the better degree for that would be business. even if i have 30 credits of business classes. doesnt matter i guess hahaha.

shit they might reject me because ive never worked with CHILDREN before. let alone autist children haha.

i wish you could negotiate training wages. meaning i would gladly accept minimum wage for the first month or however long it took for me to be rejected from the other 2 jobs i am in contention for. so if i got one of those jobs, the autism place wouldnt lose too much money training me. cuz its a decent org and i might want to reapply with them in a few years. for one of their FT jobs that dont exist, yeah sure hahahaha.

oct 7 firday

752 AM

up real early today, like a real working man, currently dressed up and ready to go to interview, did not prep so well. as predicted, did not sleep well. well i was up thinking until like 130 am. thankfully i did fall asleep and I was in the middle of an interesting dream that i was scheduled to be part of the death panel on the next daily shoah with k1ke enoch and “sven” and i was like iii dunno guys, what the hell am I gonna be able to add to this, im gonna sound like an idiot, but im honored you asked me, i really like TRS hahahahaha. this is probably muh first TRS related DREAM hahahahaha. much better than having dreams about you know WHO hahaha.

ok. like i say, its a tough call between autism job vs safety job. for a normie, no its not, the safety job BTFOs the autism because it pays more, more hours, FT, established company, health care, bennies etc.

12 pm

welp did the interview, sent thank you note, recorded it as 95 minutes. spent an hour in there, but onyl about 30 minutes talking to them, and like 20 minutes filling out a damn application by hand which was basically a copy of all the shit i already gave them. i will never understand these stupid hiring policies. filling out shit by hand. unbelievable. told them about muh desire for FT. they were very understanding. talked to a Masters Level Psychologist who is about 7 years younger than me, oy vey hahahahaha.

there might be young 3 year old children biting and smacking and pooping their pants and i have to put diapers on them. i think i would rather do this than answer phone calls hahahahaha.

i dont fookin know man i just want a job where i can get help if i need it and i am not constantly needing it and not constantly fighting and struggling to survive every day. good god. the type of exhausting, nervous struggle where you feel like you need to chug Whiskey straight from the bottle at the end of every day.

hehehe normal life is at least 2 to 3 times HARDER for me than for normies. not that normies have it easy! but the basics of Holding Down a Job and Banging A Bitch, those are at LEAST 3 times harder for me. lots of fear and failure hehehehe. lots of time wasted. lots of not getting anywhere.

on the degen show “better things” which im not sure why i am watching, well because i want to see a degen single mother raising degen girls, its really all about degen women, and is kinda like “GIRLS” in that regard. no husbands or fathers, mothers a whore, her oldest daughter is 16 and beautiful and is becoming a whore, the middle daughter is an autistic ocd 13 year old lesbian, so i guess all that is enough to sell me.

recent episode focused on the 16 year old daughter worried about her future, going to college and all that, what am i gonna do with my life, her high school guidance counselor says no ivy league for you, you shoulda started prepping for that a few years ago, might not have the grades for a good state shool, have you thought about community college?

now the red pill is that community college is awesome but it DOES have a reputation as for underachieving losers, so when you’re in high school, you shudder at the thought. then when 10 years later youre still a huge loser, you think, welp, i have been humbled, time to go to CC now that real University did not work out.

anyway the girl is very anxious and despairing and I totally related and found this storyline very compelling. i guess she smokes MJ and does not get 4.0 grades. dont know if she is a huge horrible slut. PROBABLY, knowing this degen show.

because they show the girl sitting with her degen mom and the degen moms friends all sitting around drinking and talking about ABORTIONS, like how many abotions you got, tell the story of that abortion, and i was like, they are trying WAY too hard to make this show edgy, and what EXACTLY are they trying to say? they were clearly trying to be provocative by having such a “FRANK” discussion of abortions while CHILDREN were amongst them, as if to say, this is NORMAL, this is not a big deal, we all have abortions, and you’ll get abortions too, its just a fact of life, rite of passage for a woman, dont be ashamed of this, its good to be pro choice, and if you get knocked up when you are having fun with Secsy Boys, you can and should totes get an abortion too.

so i felt sympathy for this poor girl just about to become a Woman, and that she was so FOOKED because her mother is such a damn baby murdering degenerate. so the beautiful 16 year old gurl is gonna become a slut REAL soon if she isnt already, prob lose V to badboi, then quickly start riding C carousel, throwing a bunch of betabois away, probably start cheating, not take secs seriously, not take human life seriously, the way she THROWS LIVES AWAY, develop 10000 C stare, never be able to have a serious rel with a man, just like her crazy whore mother who cant love a man either.  but is this “beautifully flawed” woman trying to raise 3 young daughters as a Single Working Mom who is very open about Secs and Abortions and Being Tuff and You Do You Grrrrrl.

and its NORMAL to be a slut and cheat and break hearts and throw people away and get abortions, sex is FUN FIRST and if you get preggers, no big deal, get an abortion, WEVE ALL DONE IT. and sometimes you just wanna get fooked, and if the guy is a sensitive virgin type an gets feelings, AW, TOO BAD SO SAD, its ok to Dump and Ghost him because you just wanted to Get Off.

and we are beautiful in our flaws and we are gonna be as flawed as possible.

and i like the show for confronting Real Shit, but i hate it for taking the wrong opinion on this shit. while at the same time having some good and sympathetic characters. i mean i dont even really hate the mom. but i should.

to make her daughter feel better, the mother took her to the store and made her dress in a Ladies Business Suit, and said there you are, you look just like those successful peopel who have their shit together, youre no different than them. it was actually sort of touching even though she should not be so worried about career and shit. she should have a good father who helps her find a good husband.

i mean the show could have pushed more Red Pills about You Dont Have To Go To College. Go To Trade School or Community College or Military.

so they talk to a bank teller and mom says do you have any college, teller says no just a GED and i started this job at age 22 and im 25 now.

this could have opened a real good conversation but they just left it there.

so do you portray the bank teller as a failure because they didnt go to college? no not at all, which i liked.

i would have liked more if they had a 30 year old with a masters degree living with his family because he is still trying to pay back 200k in student loans hahahaha and he’s done, he’s finished, given up on life, i’ll never get anyway, i wish i could have a family but i’ll never afford it, and i havent dated a woman in over 5 years hahahahaha. that would have been some great black pill shit.

basically, college educated 30 year olds who cant afford to move out hahahaha because they are only making 12 dollars an hour and are 80k in debt for useless college hahahaha.

tfw when you see a picture of FENRIZ when he was very young, like 20 or 21 or so, and realize he sort of reminds you of THAT WOMAN.

I was completely in luv and wanted to marry and have babies and spend muh life with and was devastated heartbroken for 15 months over a woman who looks like FENRIZ.

fenriz is currently 44 years old as is nocturno culto. culto has 2 children a son and a daughter. i do not think fenriz has any children. not sure how old cultos children are. i hope he is a good father to them.

but yeah there are like 2 pictures of 20 year old fenriz where he kinda looks like That Woman. so weird. i told you she was kidna weird looking hahahahaha. but like fenriz, she had nice long dark hair.

so darkthrone was offered 200k USD to play a festival for one show and they REFUSED. hell yes that shows some serious “INTEGRITY” but at the same time i have to think, you’d have to be stupid to turn that down!

Should a man with CHILDREN turn down 200k for 1 day of work just because of his artistic integrity?

basically I give them a PASS, and I think its kinda STUPID for a man with a FAMILY to turn that money down. even if you dont have a family, you still need money. maybe fenriz has bastard children he needs to pay child support. (speculation). maybe fenriz wants to take care of his aging parents. TAKE THE FOOKIN MONEY GUIZE.

heh. most people just like the music and dont really care about the people behind it.

I dont really care for the music and i am MORE interested in the PEOPLE behind it hahahaha.

i mean the story of these guys lives is WAY more interesting than listening to “plaguewielder” or “the cult is alive” hehehehehehehehe.

i say this because i am sort of excited about darkthrone again due to their brand new album which I am going to listen to today on powerwalk hehehe.

did 3.2 mile, 1 hour powerwalk, my normal walking pace is 3.2 mph and i am happy with that.

listened to new darkthrone album. it has great sound/production and is perfect length and it is not all ridiculous, but uhhh i was hoping it would be a little…..better hehehehe. i mean its no panzerfaust. i mean you can tell they are both enjoying themselves, theyre not just going through the motions, so i think a large part of the prob is me simply not being able to appreciate “new” music.

its hard to get the interest of women when you MAKE LESS THAN THEM. of course im talking about money. basically the only people that I make MORE than are total white trash and negroes hahahahaha. at least when i was making 30k, i was then good enough to pull white trash waitresses and such hahahahaha. and that was the best money i ever made in my life! when i was making like 12k a year, i was staying sane but what the HELL can you do on 12k a year? cant live, cant have a family, cant do anything. cant have a serious rel with a woman. i guess you could bang sluts because you sure arent gonna KEEP any women making only 12k!

wow she dumped him SUPER BAD, super insult to injury there. why do people do this? why do you HAVE to add insult to injury? i mean if i were this guy i would be devastated, my confidence would be CRUSHED for at least 15 months hahahahaha. this type of thing will DESTROY a guys confidence for a LONG time.

also when someone throws you away, people advise you, they dont know what they had, in 2 months they will miss you and be begging for you back. dont take them back. be better than that. they took you for granted the first time. dont give them that second chance.

and that def never happened here. she left me and NEVER looked back. feels bad man! that might even be worse. i wuld def forgive and take her back once. and if she pulled the same shit twice (like they often do) then i would kick her ass out (probably not hahahahaha). but she didnt even come back.

but i am doing my interviews so thats as good as i can ask. i have done about 36 hours of interviews roughly. i guess it would make sense to do 40 hours of interviews. maybe what the lord is teaching me is how to get good at interviews. thats the lesson for this 15 months of pain. how to do interviews. sheeeeeeeeeeeeit.

but if i dont have an interview for a week, then i feel like i lose all those gains. and i need to have at least 2 or 3 interviews a week to get better. kinda like lifting hehehehe.

heh 330 pm and could totes take a nap. cuz i got up at 615am and did not fall asleep till 1 am.

 

super lengthy autistic post but an in depth picture of someone who actually DOES go to a shrink, and both people are willing to go to shrink, and it doesnt really improve things hehehehe. she still blames him.

but yeah he does seem too damn autistic and that is probably a problem.

also yeah she probably IS “depressed” but she should get that diagnosed well before 28. I sure did! because i was trying to improve myself so i could live a normal life with a job and a GF one day.

and good on this guy for improving himself from a fat virgin to an in shape, masters degree, successful, hardworking, guy with a GF. but he is still anal and autistic in a way that will hurt the rel, just as she hurts the rel with her “depression” and lack of interest and effort.

this album is regarded as DT coming back from a perhaps 3-album slump from 1996 to 2003 hahaha. fenriz said he was very derpressed and i guess was feeling better by the time of this album. and he was thankful to culto for essentially keeping the band alive during that time.

anyway i remember i actually bought the “plaguewielder” cd (used) back when cds were still a thing. i was like uhhhh this is not the greatest. and that was pretty much the end of darkthrone for me hahahaha and i never gave “hate them” a chance. i did give “sardonic wrath” a try and actually kinda liked that one. that came out following hate them.

anyway just trying to say i prefer this kind of vocal from culto. the hateful trve black metal vocal rather than the more i guess celtic frost vocal he’s doing now. which is not bad mind you, but the older vocal is better.

i mean there is no competition hehehe. however “boring” darkthrone may be, culto gives a Master Class in how to do good vocals.

62.9% labor force participation rate? that cant be good, unless labor force counts super old and super young people….which it probably shouldnt! and honestly i dont think it does. labor force is work age people. like 18 to 65 or whatever.

oh you know what i am not even gonna shit on plaguewielder anymore. it has shitty artwork but it sounds pretty similar to hate them with the riffage and sick vocals. also culto thanks tom waits on his short list of inspirations and shoutouts. in 2001 before i even knew who tom waits was unfortuantely. did not discover waits until 2003 or 4 at the latest.

also there are “blast beats” on these albums where i haven’t heard them on the newer albums. come on. you gotta have that.

trump scandal of him using “vulgar language about women.”

I DONT WANT A PRESIDENT WHO DOESNT USE VULGAR LANGUAGE TO TALK ABOUT WOMEN!!!!

crude comments in 2005 interview about tits and pussy and whatever. who cares.

well, i kinda care if he is cheating on his wife, but not sure if he was married to her by then.

cuz its not cool to cheat on your wife but he has dealt with his fair share of gold diggers so.

i mean this is fooking stupid and i hope it doesnt COST HIM the election just because WOMEN will be so butthurt. and women shouldnt even be able to vote hehehehehe. but people have short memories too.

even the circle wagons album does not sound BAD. it is quite rocking as a matter of fact.

lesson: even the “worst” darkthrone albums are pretty good.

i would have preffered that he make super racist comments about mudslims or blacks or especially joos. that would be SWEET. BUT, that definitely would have killed his chances 100%, and that would NOT be good.

i like that he didnt apologize THAT much. hes not begging for forgiveness, and kinda saying this is not a big deal. cuz its really not. but i really dont know how real women will take it. i know that msnbc is up in arms hahahaha.

why not criticize the hollywood host billy bush for being an enthusiastic participant in the conversation.

QUOTE

It’s foolish to take the Blackpill with regards to women. It makes you settle for low quality sluts and degenerates. Do you want them to be the mother of your children?

I was in a bad place in 2011. I was dating a used-up slut whom I had nothing in common with. I was struggling to finish school and leave the comfy world of NEETdom. I had gotten into reading ‘The Red Pill’ and that middle eastern rapist Roosh, and my opinion of women was extremely low. Thus, my expectations from women were low.

This girl was a degenerate waste. She was pretty enough, but was a complete slob, and nearing the end of her 20s. I knew she had dated around, but the extent of the rot was what really got to me. The day I left her was when I attended a ‘party’ with some of her friends, only to discover she had f00cked literally 8 of the men at the party. Her total number was somewhere around 35ish men. One of which included a ni99er. Disgusting. I drove off, deleted her from Facebook and Skype, and washed my hands of her.

I was lucky to get out of that mess with no STIs. I pulled myself out of this depression and blackpill by lifting and travelling, and completely tossed out the ReturnOfKangz/rOOSH shit. Some of the techniques are useful, and yes, 90% of women are somewhere on the whore spectrum, but 10% of girls is still a HUGE amount of people.

On one of my trips, after a year of lifting and healthy eating, I met a complete QT3.14, 10/10. She was introverted, shy, but extremely moral. She was 6 years younger than me, intelligent, had a similar genetic background, and was a fucking virgin.

Married her 2 years into the relationship and it has only gotten better.

Lift, have confidence in your self, resist the blackpill, and you will find extremely high quality women waiting for you to wife them. Let the f4ggot numales clean up the algae of used up whores. WILL TO POWER BRAH

END

i am risking getting banned for posting private forum material here, but uhhhh i wont say what forum i got it from, nor who said it, but i am trying to share an awesome WHITE PILL here: a neetish man was dating a dirty slut, then he turned his life around and married a nice virgin waifu. GOOD FOR HIM. this is EXACTLY the stuff I need to read a LOT more of…..but i’m not finding a lot of it. not enough.

nyquil and coffee combination hehehe. again went way over calorie limit. soooooo easy to eat over 1200 cals.

yeah why shouldnt i link this already.

this and TH are muh fav DT albums. and this one is more “fun.” not sure why the vocals are considered controversial. i think they are great although perhaps mixed a little loudly. the riffs, songwriting, and production are all top of the line, and there is a ton of nostalgia with this album, as it was a big part of muh adolescence at age 18 or so. this is a pretty kewl album to have as your theme music at age 18 hahahahahahahaha.

“quintessence”, come on. probably the darkthrone stairway to heaven right there.

but yeah. a lot of people are interested in things they dont really participate in. politics, professional sports, tv shows, religion. but no one is interested in “relationships” as like a main interest they way I am, apart from WOMEN who are always GOSSIPING. I truly do like to gossip, but I like even more to study and understand the relationships.

its like watching from the sidelines and commenting but never participating. but thats the thing: is that normies DO participate, quite regularly, and dont really comment on it at the same level as I do, just gossip, say whos fooking who, whos dumping who.

and even people who are obsessed with sportsball and watch pro sportsball but are too fat and soft to actually play pro sportsball still often play amateur sportsball or fantasy sportsball.

i dont play Fantasy Relships, although maybe in a way I do: by having these one sided things where I have the relship all in my mind and it does not reflect reality at all.

nyquil makes me unable to think clearly and articulate and be persuasive. still i wish i just had some MJ, i would LUV to smoke a bunch of MJ on a friday night like this and listen to DARKTHRONE.

“the hordes of nebulah”. i used to think this song wasnt as good as the 2 before it, now i see i was wrong hahahahaha. truly a MAGIC album and i wouldnt EXPECT darkthrone to ever capture this kind of lightning in a bottle quite the same way ever again. you cant. again a large part of this was my own age at the time. but this is gonna be one of those albums that i enjoy thru my entire life hahaha. share with muh waifu and children and they will say damn what a badass!

anyway it is just “funny” and mostly sad that i spend all this time and energy and interest thinking about and analyzing Relationships, general and particular, myself and my fantasy rels, others and my perceptions of their real rels, and i think i have the tools and skills and knowledge to be real mature and good in a rel…..but my weakness is the BEGINNING. I cant get it STARTED for various reasons. cant spark the kindling and get the fire going ever.

large part of that is because i am scared to “apply”. at least with jobs i am putting out 450 applications, doing 23 interviews. if i were doing that with WOMEN, i WOULD have been in a real rel by now, or at least had a near normie level of secsual satisfaction. or, hopefully, i would say THIS IS DEGENERATE, I’m not gonna do this unless its in a real rel with a decent woman, fook this banging sluts shit, leave it to the degenerate hedonist nihilist abortionists.

fenriz did recycle the classic “quintessence” riff on his storm “nordavind” album which was recorded in late 1994 while panzerfaust was recorded in early 1994 hehehe.

they got the qt gurl kari rueslatten to sing on the album (from 3rd and the mortal, really need to dig into them more) and supposedly she was very upset and felt betrayed by fenriz because he changed a lyric at the last minute to say something like “death to every man who does not hail the fatherland!” which she felt was ebil racist. and i bet fenriz is not a racist. shit i wish he WAS. he SHOULD be. and poor kari felt horrible guilt after that and betrayed by ebil fenriz. hahahahaha i wonder if he fooked her. the dirty slut hahaha. see this ALL comes from the root cause of my degen pornographic view of women as sluts to be fooked. this is from watching way too much pron, so shame on me. but also shame on women for willingly BEING like that. they dont have to BE sluts, even if the girls in porno are.

and because kari was a beautiful young norwegian gurl with beautiful long hair, i dont WANT her to be a slut.

i want to read more stories of women who are DIVORCING or DUMPING their men because oh god hes a TRUMP SUPPORTER. but r/relships does not allow overtly political topics.

i would think being married and especially with children makes women less leftist catladylike. so they will say oh yeah trump is crude but oh well hes still better than hillary so im still voting for him.

whereas its the C carousel sluts and catladies who will be most offended, and they werent voting for trump ANYWAY.

in other words, its not gonna lose him any votes. its not gonna make anyone who has already chosen trump, say, oh NOW he’s gone too far, and i am changing my vote to HILLARY? i cant imagine him honestly doing any of that. even if he said GTKRWN 1488, which i would luv, people would still say, yeah im still not voting for hillary.

however it will make the hillary people all the more SHRILL and ANNOYING and that might push undecideds towards trump.

undecideds tho? and couldnt this push undecideds to hillary? sure.

BUT HOW MANY UNDECIDEDS ARE THERE REALLY?????

not very many imho. i play it down because i hang out with people who would be MORTIFIED that they have even ONE trump supporter in their friend circle. so i say stuff, ah well, its a classic lesser of two evils thing, i dont really like either of them, but im really dont like hillary, yes i agree with you trump is not super presidential but im a moderate centrist and hillary is just too left for me, so, i have to vote for trump. that kind of waffling shit. actually i wouldnt even confirm i was voting for trump unless i was with some trump voters. thankfully i know a few.

7000 words? damn.

but yeah its funny. i analyze and think about rels like An Interest Or Hobby but never actually participate, when most NORMIES DO participate and dont analyze them to the same level, its just a normal part of normal life, dont overthink it, its not something interesting like football or tv hahahaha.

well to me it is!!!!!!!!

and women arent much better than men. they gossip a lot more about rels but are even WORSE at analysing, understanding, and workign with them. men could at least have a good chance at reasoning their way through them if they tried.

but you cant REASON with women. its like REASONING with a drunk 50 foot baby with a flamethrower. REASONING with a damn tasmanian devil. you cant reason somebody out of something that they didnt reason themselves into, hahahahaha.

MEN HAVE VERY HIGH COMPETENCE WITH LOW EXPERIENCE, WOMEN HAVE NO COMPETENCE WITH VERY HIGH EXPERIENCE

oct 2

ok used this thing called coinpatrol to set up a bitcoin email alert to send me an email when the price drops more than 4% in one day. then i know I should think about buying hehehehehe. surprised coinbase doesnt have this. why not? prob because it costs money to develop and implement hehehehe. cuts into their profits goy.

so how come coinpatrol can do it? i guarantee they have WAY less money than coinbase.

explain this to a caller right now! you’re the expert!

http://www.loveshack.org/forums/breaking-up-reconciliation-coping/breaks-breaking-up/593201-girlfriend-dumped-me-unexpectedly-fight-her-give-up

got to stay away from reddit. just go to loveshack instead. i dont even know. loveshack COULD be worse. but at this point its better to take the devil you DONT know hahaha.

ok did 1 app of the day at stupid gay hospital that alwasy rejects me and is unprofessional as fook HR dept. because i can do these apps in 4 minutes and not 14 and didnt want to think at all cuz its sunday hahahaha.

also i didnt understand she was Checking Out Permanently from the Rel. I thought we were just going through a rough patch but that she just wasnt in the process of moving out. i wish she had TOLD ME hey just fyi, im moving out permanently right now. just so you know. no we ARENT gonna talk about this. im getting out as we speak.

because that is not whats implied by “i miss you too, of course well hang out soon”

hehehehe.

and i was too desperate and blind to read the nonverbal signs. but how about giving some verbal signs too, like, yeah, things arent looking real good for this, i dont think i can do this anymore, lets end this hahahaha.

they say not to be a perfectionist…..but you kinda HAVE to be! well, if not 100% perfect, then youhave to be #1 out of all the competitors. not #2. #1. the best. you have to be The #1 Best option among the options for the job, for the woman.

you can be GOOD, you can be CLOSE, but if you’re not #1, then the end result is 100% rejection, same as the retarded mongoloid at the bottom of the heap. private pyle.

and people say dont be a perfectionist…..but you HAVE to be to be successful in life. and then when you see people who are moderately successful in life (like that woman) who are not that impressive. im smarter and better than her!!!!! she’s perfectly average, even a little below average!

but im also not as smart as i think i am.

and then on bad days i think i am really stupid, and i am not really THAT stupid either.

well if she and other normies can be perfectly average and still be moderately successful, then I am probably average too, then why arent i moderately successful? because I’m not THE BEST? THEYRE not the best either!!!!!! they are just AVERAGE!!!!!

you shouldnt be able to be moderately successful if you are Just Average! You should have to be THE BEST in order to be moderately successful!!!!

for someone who naturally asks WHY? WHY? to be able to move on without why, to accept that why doesnt matter, is frustrating. whether its a woman dumping you in a harsh way, or somethign at your job that you SHOULD be able to explain, but cant, and even your employer doesnt care why, because to find out why would cost too much, for too little reward. why? i dont beleive it. show me those calculations.

http://www.loveshack.org/forums/breaking-up-reconciliation-coping/coping/597008-dealing-regrets

sheeeeeit. i think the biggest dealbreaker for me is not mudsharking, not even abortions, but just being a damn high number slut.

well, i have been willing to date high number sluts though, as long as they were qt and young. actually having children would probably be the dealbreaker. i have never been INterested in a woman who had children.

but I HAVE been willing to Date women who:

  1. were high number sluts
  2. had mudsharked
  3. had had abortions

so…..SEE!!! I AM WILLING TO COMPROMISE AND LOWER MUH STANDARDS!!!!!!!

now i never was interested in a woman who was ALL THREE. well…..i just dont know do I? its a lot harder to prove they have mudsharked or had abortions than to prove they are a slut. women will openly admit to being with a lot of guys, but arent as willing to admit theyve been with muds, or had abortions. you gotta be man enough to ask them.

ht     tps://heartiste.wordpress.com/2016/09/29/the-wages-of-sluttery/

i think heartiste might have officially come out as a 1488 WN. i hope he does. i mean he’s definitely sympathetic.

women have lots of male friends. men do not have many women friends. WOMEN do not have many women friends. therefore, we can concluded that women are shittier friends/people than men. Corrollary: women only have all these men friends because the men have ulterior motives hahahaha. want to fook them. no this doesnt mean all the men are dishonest NiceGuys. it just means they are desparate, sad, and lonely, desparate for female contact because they don’t have any.

jeez there is such drama going on at damn TRS, people getting banned left and right, infighting o rama, so stupid, a guy i really like was banned, and i dont agree with the banning, but if i complain about it, i will get banned, because its a fascist forum. because we are pro fascist. so what happens when the fascist admins ban people you like. you just keep silent and fall in line? it just seems all so fookin stupid. i dont dislike the guy who banned him, im just disappointed he went ahead and did that. i like both guys. banning should be for true enemies, traitors, subverters. and the guy who got banned was none of that. he just refused to stop talking to some people who had ruffled the higher ups feathers. damn.

also some cliquish bullshit that implies that TRS is softer on phaggotry than they should be. and i think there has been some hot heads and overreactions and misunderstanding, and good people get mad and ban other good people, and it leaves you with a sour taste.

so i hope they unban this one guy in particular.

its not enough to make me stop supporting TRS…..but if they keep doing stuff like this, that is not a good way to be.

theres just several cliques, a schism developing, a pro gay and an anti gay side. so fookin stupid. kinda related to how common filth fell out with the TRS people. now its a similar thing with natt and IM. ie, they are all on the CF side (very anti gay) who say that TRS is a pro gay side because they like MW and “Grindr Greggy” and richard spencer.  dont have a strong opinion on spencer, but I do like MW and GJ, but I also like florian who just got banned from TRS, but I think CF is too blackpill, I kinda like natt, i dunno, this drama is so retarded.

for what its worth, i dont think florian is a major instigator, possibly CF and slavros are. and natt.

this sorta shit has gone on forever with Political Movements. But I like florian and this is pretty disappointing, i really dont think he should have been banned. maybe he will be unbanned. people have been unbanned before.

in the final analysis i would end up on the pro-phag side because i am that big on supporting MW. i feel a Great Connection and Intimacy with him hahahahahaha because he was a despairing neet like me who threw his youth away and had many years of failure and no normies can understand that, and many alt righters are normie chads in that respect and dont understand it.

they will ALWAYS condemn MW because of his past, nothing he says or does now will ever be good enough for these Purity SPiralers hehehe. then they in turn say anyone who uses the term PUrity Spiral is a Phag Enabler. so thats me i guess. a phag enabler. a degen sodomite.

i just dont think its a huge problem, and i will even tolerate repentant gays. i think the muchhhhhhh bigger problem is degenerate slut WOMEN. and again, hate the sin not the sinner here. but i GUARANTEE that pound for pound, female promiscuity and casual sex is 1488000000000000000000000000 times a bigger problem than gay sex. like 1 out of 50 men is gay. 25 out of 50 women are sluts. COME ON. and im just talking about white men and women here.

anyway it sounds like iron march is attacking TRS more than TRS is attacking IM, which is not at all, TRS is just ignoring IM and banning IM sympathizers. and i guess the trs admins decided florian was too much of an IM sympathizer. doesnt mean im still not disappointed! I really liked florian! I hope florian is unbanned! I will still follow florian!

well the admin made an effortpost describing the situation so i appreciate that. im not asking for IM or natt to be unbanned. i just think florian got a bit of a raw deal.

BASICALLY, people like natt, common filth, and slavros of IM are pretty much anti-TRS and denounce TRS as phag-enablers, because TRS is friendly with spencer, greggy, and MW. those 3 guys go on twitter and talk shit about TRS. therefore, i can understand why TRS would not want these people on podcasts promoted on the TRS site.

I would still give florian the benefit of the doubt though. maybe just give him a tempban, or not advertise the episodes that had natt on. florian has the right to talk to whoever he wants, and TRS has the right not to promote those episodes. and natt and cf are overreacting by saying TRS is phag enabling. I read “grindr greggy” for years before TRS even existed. and I am pretty damn defensive of MW. I REALLY do not like people dissing MW. ive never heard florian dissing TRS or MW, thats all Im saying.

anyway. i was gonna say, women have WAY more experience than men being in relships, long term relships, being with several guys for a year, 2 years apiece……yet they are still INCOMPETENT AF, ESPECIALLY given all the EXPERIENCE and TIME they had. HIGH EXPERIENCE, VERY LOW COMPETENCE. in terms of learning lessons, becoming mature, getting good at skills like communication, problem resolution, compromise, communication, etc.

meanwhile, men have much less experience, AND much much MORE Competence! I have learned lessons and skills that women who have spent 5, 10 years of their lives In Rels have Not Yet learned……and Ive spent 0 minutes In A Rel! The Shit I’ve learned just from One sided pining, and friendships, and reading, and being rejected, and aborted pseudo-dating, i’ve learned more than most women learn from 5,6,7 solid YEARS of being IN a REAL rel!!!!!!!!

DAMN!!!!!

That woman was in a rel for 5 years with a guy, lived with him for years, spend 1000000s of hours having secs and being intimate with him, people saying i luv u to each other and seeing each other every day, and i have experienced NONE of that, yet I am STILL more Competent and Skilled and Mature and Knowledgeable than a Woman who has LIVED that LIFE for YEARS!!!!!! What does that tell you about womens AWARENESS and Maturity and Intelligence and Ways of Thinking???!?!?!?!?!?!?!??!?!

I am not just talking about her, but women in general.

well……i am just making assumptions again! maybe she DID KNOW a lot of shit, it was just a matter of COURAGE. she didnt have the COURAGE to do the right thing, so she just AVOIDED it. doesnt mean she DIDNT KNOW any better. she KNEW better, just didnt have the COURAGE to follow through with it.

who cares it was SIXTEEN MONTHS AGO.

but i said it would take TWO SOLID YEARS to get over.

just wish I had some MJ to help me get through those two long years tho!!!!!!

and also a damn job that I could work without panicking and freaking out and having damn terrified RUN AWAY flight or flight reaction!!!!!

sheeeeeeeeit.

oct 3

sheeeeeeit. trying to prep for phone interview tomorrow. glassdoor suggests that the job could pay close to 40k or 42k. 20 to 21 an hour. when i am only looking for 12 an hour. so now I gotta up THAT to look like im not desperate and below their league. well then WHY did their highly qualified HR wimmin with a masters degree pick ME for the phone interview?

also wish i had more exact stories from my old job. i copied some old cases but i neglected to copy my BEST cases.

so thats a regret. whenever i had a big problem or a ridiculous case at work, i should have wrote down as many details as i could, really just copied the whole case itself, and then spun it like what could i do to really save the day here, even if i didnt, and then tell that detailed, heroic, epic story in future interviews. but none of the cases i copied out of there were really THAT great.

its funny. even in my hardest college classes, i never felt like “this is too hard for me, i cant handle this. this is too complicated. im too dumb for this.” because i knew that somewhere out there, there was an answer to the problems, even if the teacher sucked and the book sucked, and if the problem sucked too much, you just gave it your best shot, got 1%, and didnt really care, cuz no one was gonna really BITCH at you about it, AND later you would probably be corrected and learn how to do the problem anyway. you were given readings and problems and lectures on HOW to do the shit. you knew about exams and deadlines from the beginning of the term. sometimes your instructor even HELPED you prepare for exams, like here’s what you really need to know, focus on this, not so much that, let’s take some questions and make sure we understand so and so.

and you NEVER had to explain anything to some bitch who was bitching you out for being an incompetent idiot who was bad at your job. it wasnt such a big deal to get stuff wrong.

your “team” and managers didnt resent you for making mistakes, your “customers” didnt resent you for making mistakes. you didnt really have a team. you didnt have customers. you just had an instructor who was like, welp you got this question wrong, its not the end of the world, and I will help you get your grade up if you are willing to put in the work. im not gonna BITCH at you for getting it wrong. I sorta want to help you understand these concepts better.

our stupid job was the type of job that REALLY made you want to DRINK. like oh god i cant believe i survived that day, OH GOD, I need a STRONG drink RIGHT NOW. and then you would CHUG some whiskey or scotch or vodka equal to at LEAST 1.5 or 2 shots worth, just chug it straight from the bottle. and THEN you would be like wewlad, ok, welp i HAD to a serious SHOT, now I will have a serious DRINK to unwind. then you pour a sipping drink equal to at least 2 or 3 shots. basically a minimum of 5 drinks to unwind from EVERY day.

5 drinks every workday will eventually turn you into an alcoholic and also the hangovers will become a problem. for work.

also, if you NEED 5 drinks, youre not gonna stop at 5. you will say shit, might as well have another. and another. the 5 really easily turns into 10. then youre shitfaced drunk and have to work the next day.

note: i never did any of this. and thats kind of a miracle. i mean i could see drinking honestly HELPING you in this situation.

i am surprised more people didnt drink ON the job. probably because you were in close quarters and could probably smell it.

but yeah every day i went in there, it felt like an Exam I Couldnt Handle, that I wasnt prepared for. Sure I generally got SOME test anxiety whenever i had a college test……but the shit i faced every day at the job was WORSE, because i never felt prepared, AND I had to talk to people who were bitching about their problems and thought I had the knowledge and skills to fix them…..when i actually knew just as much or less than they did.

oct 2 received millennial woes tshirt. not bad woesy. manlet woes lad hahahahaha.

well you know why people arent interested in their race being genocided, because they are too busy working 60 hours a week and then worrying about their job all other waking hours of the week. they simply dont have time to think about their race being genocided because all they can think or do is work. and beleive me theyre not happy about it! they wish they could think about anything else! when i was into the full swing of working, i could not follow news or racial stuff at all! i wanted to, but i was just too exhausted! I was so focused on day to day survival that i could not even THINK about what is happening to the white race!

i mean i CARED sure, but i cared more about how the hell i was going to survive the firing squad every day, the 10 hour Dissertation Defense where you hadnt spent 5 years researching and writing and thinking about your dissertation, your were basically plopped down to defend someone elses shitty dissertation in a field you knew nothing about.

if you had a 12 week boot camp like you do for boot camp, they would probably teach you some Fallback Training so that when you got weird shit, you could just Fall Back On Your Training and go through the motions and fake it till you make it.

but when you have shitty training, you just sit there and go uhhhhhhhhhhhhh like a deer in headlights and say i got nothing. i really have no idea. and youre stuck with me here. my higher ups dont have time to talk to you. youre stuck with me and i dont know what im doing, so bear with me because this IS gonna take a while. you would LITERALLY have just as good a chance trying to fix this yourself by looking at some chinese manual. because thats what im doing. and tyring to figure out what this goddam chinese manual is saying. and your guess is as good as mine.

like going to your doctor and he asks YOU for advice in treating YOUR problem. pretty ass backwards uh?

so yeah a VERY stiff drink is warranted at the end of the day. and if you cant drink, then a bigass spliff or bowl so you can get blazed as fook. i couldnt drink, and honestly getting blazed as fook was better than doing nothing.

my choices were get blazed, take valium, exercise, study shit to try to get a sense of control, go to bed early, and i tried a combination of all of those.

the best was: getting really blazed, then study cases for an hour or 90 minutes, then maybe exercise, then gt blazed some more, then go to bed early.

but yeah i wish there was a book or a mentor who could help you thru the early phases. like goddamn TRAINING WHEELS. and then you take off the training wheels when youre READY, or at least 75% CLOSE to being ready!

oh xfinity comcast i hate you kieran from comcast. not just that they give bad service and are joos, but that they have the AUDACITY to think THIS COMMERCIAL proves that they are improving their service. they put this stuff right out there are WERE SUPPOSED TO BE IMPRESSED? IMPRESSED THAT YOU CAN CHANGED YOUR WIFI PASSWORD? IMPRESSED THAT YOU CAN TWEET TO A SERVICE REP? IMPRESSED THAT YOU CAN SCHEDULE A CALL?????? NO!!!!!!!! NO ON ALL COUNTS!!!!!!!!

as far as customer service goes……learn a lesson from the companies that do it GOOD. (well). Companies that are rated by their customers as having great customer service. and then do what they do. all i know is that zappos and nordstrom have a REPUTATION for good customer service. maybe marriott or hilton too. do what they do.

its hard to think straight when youre panicking because youve never seen this before AND you have no idea how to fix it.

HOW CAN YOU FIX SOMETHING YOUVE NEVER HEARD OF??????

While this situation fills me with panic and dread, the idea Tech Person is EXCITED about the CHALLENGE. they LIKE Bullshitting their ways out of these RIDICULOUS situations.

woman is “ghosted” by man. just like finding/reading “ghosting” stories. this was worse because they were officially dating for 1.5 years. and she still handled it better than i did hahahaha.

https://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/living-forward/201511/is-why-ghosting-hurts-so-much

i probably linked this article again but it came up in that reddit

also there are no damn MEN talking about how theyve been ghosted by WOMEN so all these horrible reddit women are saying, “hmm this sounds like a male thing to do”

but yeah fact is reddit is just more interesting and easier to browse and read than loveshack.

heh. if you get put on the state medical mj list……do cops see that whenever they scan your license when you get pulled over? how much work needs to be done for LE to see if you are on that list? would it come up in a regular background check? what about a more serious background check? how many kinds of background checks are there? is the background check to get a sweet 40k a year job in a Good Company more or less stringent than the background check to get in the FBI? or a secret govt clearance? or get a job as a Copper?

heh there was a Creepy Clown sighting a few miles from my house. this has started to become a Real Life Meme in 2016 (actually I remember it earlier, but it seems to be Spiking again in Oct 2016 and imagine halloween has something to do with it) Just a Creepy Clown standing in a parking lot at 2 am waving at cars.

not too far from my house, and really close to HER house. I admit I read the news article sort of wishing to see HER commenting on it. damn. PATHETIC.

some people get the proper perspective, and when the person who GHOSTS them comes crawling back 6, 12, 15 months later, the ghostee says FOOK YOU ASSHOLE, FOOK OFF AND DIE YOU PIECE OF SHIT, which is the appropriate thing to say. her, i would take her back no question and be like i forgive you baby, i can understand why you did this, you were just scared, its ok baby i forgive you.

 

wow. IT TAKES A WHILE FOR SOME PEOPLE TO GET COMFROTABLE WITH SECS, YA DUMB, DIRTY WHORE!!!!!!

and ex boifran WHO IS ALSO HER BEST FRIEND

OH COME ON

PATHETIC.

ABSOLUTELY DEGENERATE.

well its more complicated, this case is, basically she is dumping him because shes still in luv wth her ex, not because he was awkward the one and only time they had secs. so really, nothing too interesting here.

i just hate how women have NO PROBLEM having secs quickly. dont they get NERVOUS? even if it werent degenerate, i would get NERVOUS! i dont KNOW this person! now im showing them my naked body and rubbing our genitalia together? and women have all these goddamn BODY ISSUES ANYWAY!!! and theyre NOT NERVOUS letting STRANGERS fook their naked body??!?!?!?! and they always  forget that women can get pregnant? WTF??!?!?!?!?!!!

you cant touch a womans stomach without them freaking out, but you can know them for less than 2 hours and stick your diseased dick up her cvnt uncovered and take videos and pictures of it. un fookin believable. wearing fooking sleeveless shit to show off their fat arms. yet if you touch their stomach, you get dumped. what idiots.

you get dumped if you dont compliment them the right way. if you compliment them the WRONG way, you get dumped.

yet they let tyrone and achmed spray in their cvnt unprotected.

stop TRYING to make sense of it. even though they dont KNOW its all about reproduction, its STILL all about reproduction, and they choose to have casual sex with the strongest strongman they can find in the short term. doesnt matter if hes the bad type of strong. it only matters that his strength is obvious and blatant and easy to see.

they arent designed to choose a good man for the long term. thats their FATHERS job.

maybe i am going off the deep end here. maybe women CAN make good decisions SOMETIMES. and maybe they CAN have courage and do the right thing SOMETIMES. like for example, ST ANN COULTER. She makes good decisions (except about who she fooks)

and believe me, i could put up with the worthlessness of women a lot better if i just had a nice 12 dollar an hour job and could hold my head up high with that knowledge. just need a JOB and some MJ, the WOMAN is secondary.

well, its also kind of our DUTY as white men to make more white children.

and i guess i could do that with white skanks, but i need to have enough money to take care of my white children. and basically i don’t want to be a white person using a NONWHITE REPRODUCTIVE STRATEGY. it does not BECOME white people to have HAREMS like goddam ARABS or BLACKS.  but we do need to be more dominant and stronger than arabs or blacks, so our women dont leave us for them. because we cant expect our women to have any race loyalty.

BUT if we can train our women…..couldnt we TRAIN them to the point where yes we CAN have some expectations of them? like train a woman to be racist. well, i believe you can train a woman to be racist, you can train a woman to be trustworthy, but you still cant train a woman to make good decisions or be super responsible.

so how do they have these high powered careers?

i mean there are women engineers and shit. you have to have at LEAST a 105 iq for that, even the women. i trust engineers to be smart and make smart decisions. so what about the female engineers? yeah they arent as smart as the male engineers, and yeah they are getting bonus affirmative action points, but i would say they STILL have to have at least 105 iq and be SORTA smart!!!!!

 

NOICE

really r/relships would be easily fixed by just getting MOAR MEN in there. its a god damn estrogen clusterfook which is really ANNOYING.

i just hate how they leave men in horrible ways. every damn woman should take a dumping 101 course. from her father hahahaha. view the end of the relationship as PART of the relship. learn to ACCEPT some RESPONSIBILITIES. show some GOODWILL when you break a poor guys heart. LET him be upset. tell im its NOT HIS FAULT. Respect that you are breaking someones heart. Tell him that no contact would be best. dont say lets be friends. he just wants to be WITH you. Respect the fact that you are PULLING THE RUG OUT on a person. Apologize. Feel BAD about what you’re doing. These are the responsibilities that go along with your RIGHT to end the rel whenever you want, single-handedly. it doesnt come for FREE.

ok. 44 minutes till they call me. sheeeeeit. i havent done anything interviewy for a MONTH. like 34 days.

yeah ive done a .5 “interview” 90 minute written test but no actual talking to people. i HATE talking to people. starting to get nervous.

i mean the worse that can happen is that i spill the spaghetti and sound like a retarded negro. then they just dont call me back. which is essentially the same result as all my other interviews. where i did NOT sounded like a retarded negro, but sounded pretty much like a damn NORMIE!!!!!! sheeeeeeit i COULD have soudned like a retarded autist and it wouldnt have made any difference!!!!!

but yeah i guess its GOOD to get nervous but i still dont like it because i AM being judged and i have to perform. and its a lot different than sitting there at a written test where you have 90mins to 2 hours to really sit there face to face with the test. the test is not judging you, and even the teacher doesnt REALLY judge you if you do bad. actually he wants you to do well, and will PROBABLY make some effort to help you if you put in some effort and ask him. not at all the same thing here. these people are putting you under the microscope looking for any reason to exclude you based on your verbal answers to questions. and the odds are stacked against you 10 to 1 going in. whereas when taking a skool exam, you have a PRETTY good chance of PASSING it!

with job interviews, you have an ALMOST CERTAIN chance of FAILING it!

BIG DIFFERENCE!

22 minutes. come on. 21. welp. i mean i can learn to use a mainframe. i can “learn” to do anything, meaning I can make a flailing, incompetent attempt at doing things, and then say yeah i did it. oh i did it wrong? i thought I was doing it right. whats the right way then? so sorry. I will stay an hour late today and give you a free hour of work to make up for my stupid mistake. so sorry master. and then go home and get drunk and beat my wife and kids hahahaha. that i dont have because women always dump me before i can beat them or impregnate them hahahaha.

BEATING THEM MAKES THEM STAY hahahaha.

18 minutes. sheeeeeit. sometimes when you get nervous you want to Beat Off just to relieve tension even though you are not really Horny Per Se, you’re afraid and anxious and nervous.

11 minutes. feel like an inferior failure hehehehe. real good attitude. looked briefly at linkedin and thought oh these fookin people. getting masters degrees and then getting careers that are in line with that. i just dont understand these NORMIES at all!

i guess this is the benefit of an in person interview, is that right now i would be there, in the suit, announcing my presence, focusing like a boss on the stuff. right now i am just freaking out and dressed like a slob at home. and typing in here 9 minutes before the phone call!

2 hours later

sheeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeit that actually went pretty WELL, THANK GOD.

full 60 minutes budgeted by HR lady for Phone Call. impressive. I rambled a bit but was OK. because they said ok you are now invited to an actual interview with the tech manager on tuesday w00t w00t. with a damn pay near 40k and strong 401k matching and 15 days off and health care and MF days sched, etc etc a great bigboy job to get here. almost too good to be true. well ive have interviews with places like that before hehehe. the big 22nd interview.

and then while i was talking to them, voice mail from another place for an autism ABA job. called them back, got The Big 23rd interview. for this friday. now that is just a part time thing but they emphasized an in depth ABA training pogam for the tism. i should tell them i am The Tism Tickler and deal with Autist Sperg Virgin Neets on the internet erryday hahahaahahahahaha

really the job will probably be me wiping “autistic” negro chirrens asses hahahahaha with great struggling. they just wont bend over nicely and let me wipe their asses, they are gonna be running around getting shit all over the place including my face hahahahaha.

well tech that will be the 22nd interview? anyway my real goal is 25 interviews and i am very close now. 452 apps, 23 interviews.

and a damn interview tomorrow for fire extinguisher inspector hahahaha.

well the big thing is this “systems specialist” job with the mainframes. that is the new #1. nice to get these GOOD ones once in a while, although it is more disappointing not to get them. but its somewhat good for the confidence to know that i am IN THE RUNNING for actual good jobs with actual good companies.  the HR wimmin was impressed that i did 2 minutes of research on the company.

DO THIS. THEY REALLY DO LIKE IT.

I mean, I do it all the time. they LIKE it but they still dont HIRE me hahaha.

and i had a YUGE dream with THAT WOMAN last night. as in she was in it a lot, i was talking to her a lot. we were basically living in a dorm together, with at least 6 people living in a kinda big dorm room or mini barracks. she was my roomate. i was trying to talk to her and hang out with her and she was just being very very bitchy and showing no interest. this is normally not a big deal if shes a random woman. BUT SHES NOT A RANDOM WOMAN. and it is so painful to see someone who once cared about you and made time for you, TURN into an ice cold distant bitch. so that was the gist of the dream. as it is with most dreams i have about her. well i guess it is technically BETTER than nostalgically remembering the Nice version of her. and all i am left with is the Bitchy version of her.

super long post here huh. i didnt plan it this way i promise.

also did 14 pushups. did not do any job apps but fookit. had a 60 minute phone interview (counted as .5 an interview lasting 100 minutes for 60 min interview plus 40 mins prep), got TWO invites for actual in person full blown interviews, and also did prep work for fire protection interview tomorrow and printed the shit out. i feel i was prductive enough hehehe.

also did laundry. and just did 3.2 mile powerwalk.

so yeah finally felt a shred of confidence, which i only get after i have an interview for a decent job and i feel i did ok. so i feel confident for like 1 hour a month hhahahahahaha. its kind like how you feel like a BOSS after you bang a hot bitch hahahahahahaha. no, i mean “attractive woman.”

or for that matter, after you cuddle with some Boo or Bae that you Like Like and they give you warm fuzzies.

but yeah i felt last night before i had that stupid dream, i read a pretty good thread on TRS forum on women, and im not gonna paste it here, because that is officially grounds for BANNING hehe. but they were like yeah women are FOOKED but you gotta still do your duty white man. dont worry about finding a red pilled wife, just find a simple semi-conservative normie nonslut, and you can train her. have a strong hand.

and then i thought, shit, i was not strong at all. and if i had been really strong and played my cards right……i bet i probably could have made her TINGLE for me and get interested in me. if i had just had a strong hand. she wouldnt have lost all respect for me, and we would have lived happily ever after. fooked that ass 6000000 times, spent 1488000000 hours cuddling, and had a ton of white babies.  if i had only been strong. women feel totally differently about a strong dominating man, than they do about a weak pussy man. and i was totally a weak pussy.

so that makes me think, really it WAS all my fault, because if I had acted differently, I could have Got The Girl. it wasnt that She Decided we wouldnt be Compatible. if i were a stronger man, she would have decided we were (((COMPATIBLE))). sheeeeeeit.

so i hate That kind of guilt.

well i wont make that mistake again in the future hopefully.

but i may never luv a woman again. and the trs thread basically said, get used to the idea that you as a truly strong red pilled man, are never going to really LOVE a woman ever again.

 

 

WHEN YOU SEND MESSAGES THEY DIDNT CONSENT TO RECEIVING, ITS LITERALLY RAEP

sheeeeeeeeit

sept 20

meet with shrink today for first time in over a month, should be entertaining hahahaha.

reddit. if youre upset about being dumped, then youre automatically CONTROLLING and ABUSIVE and immature. werent you ever upset about being dumped? also i think that YES you ARE a little bit on the hook for your Ex Partners feelings at the end of the rel. its not a goddamn get out of jail free card. its not a waive all your responsibilities card.

BREAKUPS INVOLVE RESPONSIBILITIES TOO. thats what reddit and apparently 50% of women dont seem to understand hahahaha.

https://radio.therightstuff.biz/2016/09/20/the-daily-shoah-103-vice-shitty-stories/

wewlad, daily shoah gets a VICE reporter on the show, then within hours the TDS soundcloud is shut down (again!). apparently its a 20 year old gurl with valley gurl vocal fry hahahahaha oh man dis gon be gud.

also bulbasaur is back and this is legit a big deal, hope he stays back.

anyway i basically just hate the feeling of not being able to HANDLE anything. go to a job and not know what to do, bullshit your way through things, deal with bitches bitching at you all day, just surviving one day at a time on the edge. you just want to come home and smoke big fat b0wl until you are blazed as fook, and then immed go to bed. but you cant because you dont have a source for MJ and you cant do drugs in front of your family, plus you shouldnt be doing drugs anyway hahahahaha.

but i also think it really HELPS when you have a stressful job you are just trying to survive one day at a time. helps you Switch Off after a horrible day, and also to slow down and get some rest for another horrible day tomorrow.  more effective than just about anything else. lack of hangover. the next best thing obviously is exercising STRENUOUSLY till exhaustion. cant do that EVERY DAY though.

well, one day you could cardio strenuously, then the next day LIFT strenuously. there you go.

applied for job at ticketmaster. maybe eddie vedder can call me up and bitch at me hahahahahahahahaha.  that fooking phaggot. he couldnt HANDLE working a DAY at ticketmaster. the 424th job.

i guess 500 is a lot nicer, rounder number than 400 eh?

yeah i am digging this bell witch pretty well. maybe i just really like that cover art hahahaha.  anyway they have no guitar just bass and honestly i couldnt really tell cuz doom usually tunes their guitars so low that it almost doesnt matter hahaha.

this is a 28 year old woman. he’s my best friend and we are looking forward to an AWESOME FUTURE with NO KIDS and LOTS OF CATS.

of COURSHE, REDDIT sees nothing wrong with this whatsoever. totally valid lifestyle choice.

ABSOLUTELY DISGUSTING.

because KIDS are SO UNCOOL and CATS are AWESOME. RAWR!!!! KIDS are LAME and prevent you from achieving success in your CAREER, making a difference with nonwhite children in africa and arabia, and from TRAVELING.  this is normal stuff for a 28 year old childless woman to be thinking. because they are not going to have fertility problems in the next 5 to 10 years or anything.

sheeeeeeit rejected by ticketmaster SAME DAY as applying. THANK YOU!!!!!!!

and this is with my New Cover Letter Now With Brief Getting Out In Front Of the Issue Explanation of Gap!

i was thinking, every man should have a female friend or acquaintance that he gets to Cuddle With on the Regular. like once every 2 weeks at least. it would not be a Dating or Secsual or Monogamous Rel of course. well, of course the guy would probably fall in luv with the gurls. so the gurl should have the training to manager that inevitability, because i believe if it were managed well, the pros could outweigh the cons.

but then its a slippery slope to degeneracy like fook buddies and all that degen.

but cuddling isnt degen at all!

yeah but you shouldnt do it with just anybody and be a damn no strings attached cuddle slut…..should you?

because if you cuddle with a cuddle buddy, aren’t you increasingly likely to get feelings for them? yes. same as if you fook them.

but casual cuddling is WAYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYY less DEGEN than casual fooking. better for your soul.

had pretty uneventful meeting with shrink. just vocalizing my somewhat growing discouragement with job search, etc. things i might try doing differently, like focusing more on “low hanging fruit” like part time jobs and the god damn temp agency, etc.

listened to first hour of new daily shoah where they gangraep cutesy female journalist. i mean she sounds like a college idiot even though shes gotta be like 28 or 30 years old with a Professional Career since at least 2007 with atlantic, vice, maybe msnbc. i bet she went to a good college, maybe even ivy. theres no reason for her to talk like this unless she is coming in bad faith. they talk about the issue of bad faith. it takes 20 minutes before the good talk gets going. she starts with coy bad faith questions about pepe and the guys are very tight lipped because they see right through the shit.

really i think they should do this more often, and have it be just mike enoch vs the journalist, so it doesnt seem like they are ganging up on the poor widdle gurl.

ok heres the one they did a few weeks ago with the gawker journalist, i will listen to that one next

i have NEVER been good at debating my enemies, sheeeeeeit i cant even debate my leftist FRIENDS. when they start saying something leftist, i just keep my mouth shut. if i were as strong and sharp and quick on my feet as mike enoch, damn that guy is good. i might actually have a chance at challenging my friends preconceived notions.

well, im sure you go easier on your friends. just chip away slowly and make little chinks in the armor, then sit back and let them question themselves. that is what i would like to do. but if you get a damn enemy like a vice journalist, of course you want to DEMOLISH them.

and i want to see more of these kind of debates.

well i dont really want to listen to the MW / Sargon debate. Although I think MW has gotten more ballsy since then. No, I want to hear Tuff Guy Mike Enoch DESTROY LEFTISTS.

sept 21

sheeeeeeit. so i ran into this guy i used to work with at this auto related store today. he told me a bunch of people went to work at this one company that did not surprise me, i knew a few went there, turns out it was more than a few. he said they paid 18 an hour. he interviewed for them but did not get the job. i said sheeeeit thats some bullshit, fook them, whatever man, forget about it.

he let slip that That Person was working at this Company which I wont name but now I know the name of it and I wont apply there hahahaha. i think he said she interviewed at the same company he did and also did not get the job, and some people he felt shouldnt get that job, got it. i THINK he said she interviewed but did not get it. if so, i was happy about that, because he is smarter than her, and if he didnt get the job, she shouldnt get the job. also she doesnt come across as very strong or sharp or smart. but i guess she got something. not 18 an hour though. prob not.

he has no idea my history with her and i didnt ask about her, he mentioned her just as he was rattling off people we used to work with.

he mentioned some of my favorite people from the job, and they were being “bums” not working. me too i said, hahahaha. i actually talked to this guy pretty well, like a total normie. well we got along fairly well, i think i liked him more than he liked me tho hahahaha.  well whatever. he’s got kids to raise and he is a busy guy so i just chalk it up to that. plus he is nonwhite so, whatever. he is not a bad guy though! he deserves a 18 dollar an hour job too!

also i dont think he fooked That Woman. well who knows. maybe she fooked everybody. he did not seem too interested in her tho. also she was not a huge slut when i knew her. i have this fantasy narrative where she became a huge slut the moment she dumped me hahahaha.

well now i know the name of her company so i know not to apply there. and i am not tempted to look her name up to find any info about her. not that i have. i have NOT. but now i might look up the company and see how much her position pays hahahaha. something having to do with documents and forms.

was driving home late last night and had awful feeling, why is the car pulling this much, whats that sound, whys this feel so weird, oh shit, do i have a flat tire, and turns out yes yes i definitely do. instant panic hahahaha.

ive actually never successfully changed a flat tire as shameful as that is.

well i carefully drove to a gas station about half a mile away and tried putting some air in the tire. didnt seem to help at all. not sure i was putting the air in right though.

called fam to let them know what was going on. i was scared and helpless and weak hehehehe so shameful and pathetic. plus they might have insurance that has roadside service.

anyway the fam came out but they didnt really NEED to, because i managed to figure out the complicated procedure of jacking the car up, removing the bad tire, and putting on the spare tire. then putting some air in the spare tire, and driving carefully home.

so that was actually kind of empowering and confidence building. i was always worried i would put the tire on wrong, or jack the car up wrong, put the jack in the wrong place, not put the tire on right, the tire would come fully off while i was driving, etc. but no, everythign went very well. and now i just feel bad about making the fam come out there and get worried. was like 8 miles from home. didnt want them to think i was in jail for drunk driving or smething. i have not drank in 7 years!!!!!

i had always said one day i would practice jacking up car and replacing the tire, just so i could do it quickly and confidently when needed. but i never got around to it hahahaha.

but i managed to pretty much do it yesterday. it was kinda slow but i eventually made progress. next time i could do it a lot faster.

it was like oh shit am i doing this right, am i screwing up the car, i dont know what this is supposed to be like, and then ultimately everything worked out. kinda like my job hahahaha.

but its one thing when you are responsible for yourself, vs taking the responsibility for someone ELSE and THEIR problem. like me trying to tell another person how to change their tyre, when I had never done it myself.

so yeah if i had to do it again, i would be a lot less nervous. well assuming i had the correct tools and a properly inflated spare tyre hehehe.

but yeah it was not quick. it was closer to 60 minutes than 30 minutes. if you know what youre doing you could prob do it in under 20.

had dream last night featuring woman#….3? i cant even. no i think it was woman4. from 2005. she was a prudish innocent asexual type gurl, i liked her Secsual Innocence and total lack of sluttishness. but yeah she was not interested in me and i came on too strong hahaha. but she was a decent choice i think, would have made a good gf if she were willing. which she werent hahaha. i would have totally monog trad dated her for 2 years. shared firsts with her hahahaha.

anyway in the dream she was being nice to me and cuddling with me, possibly some making out. and that felt really good. smiling and gazing at me and cuddling and making out and touching, nothing too degen though. so that was pleasant.

so it was nice to feel those feels for someone who was not That Woman.

Sheeeeeit, i’ll take a Previous Woman from 11 years go, over That Woman, ANYDAY!!!!!!

anyway the guy i talked to told me His Price. His Going Rate. he wont take a job for less than this amount. it is a pretty respectable number, a little high, but it’s good to think highly of yourself hahahahaha. and he is worth it. hell were ALL WORTH it, its just, can you GET it.

the number was higher than 15 an hour hehehe. and certainly higher than 12-13 an hour like i am aiming for now.

i dont know why that big company didnt hire him. he is a pretty normie guy and pretty smart and why the hell wouldnt they want a smart nonwhite.  maybe the guy seems laid back or stoned or something? but he doesnt smoke MJ, at least not regularly! he’s just kinda laid back. which is GOOD! i dont get it. do you have to be electrifying?

i mean yeah i try to present as more energetic and electrifying, but just come across as nervous and anxious and virginy hahahaha.

great fun listening to death panel destroy the widdle gurl journalist. i mean she sounds like such a retarded idiot. you cant even have a productive conversation with these people hahaha. i look forward to listening to the male gawker journo they had on a month ago. maybe he can actually not sound like a 13 year old moron gurl.  its amazing this woman can make good money and i struggle to get a 12 an hour job!

yeah ghoul is autistic and these conversations should really be mike enoch and the person alone, cuz once mike pins them down, he can deal the finishing blow, but with all the other 5 guys sperging out, it allows the journo to squirm away and dodge questions like a sneaky little J.

it was funny to hear seventh son snap and get angry, he is usually very chill. but hes like shut the fook up you god damn liar.

so yeah i hope this becomes a regular thing and that mike e can structure it a little better. take the good suggestions of the commenters. i havent even looked at the forum yet but supposedly there is pretty good proof that it was This Woman Reporter who got TRS soundcloud shut down.

well she makes money because of her jooish boifran. well hes just a damn journalist too!

but he comes from a family of jooish doctors. monay.

hehehe the people at trs do their due diligence.

also she used to be married to a white guy who was a military guy AND a leftist who fabricated stories of military being abusive to iraqis for the new republic in 2007. he recanted his story and she gained a reputation as being very lazy on fact checking. theory that she is only still working because she dumped the white guy and started fooking a pure joo journalist.

not sure where she went to skool. georgetown?

nope university of missouri columbia, journalism, 2005.

ok, that is the same thing as MU aka mizzou.

she possibly met her lying leftist x husbando there. not sure. dont really care.

but yeah the grilling on TDS could have gone a lot better by having a more intimate convo with k1ke enoch, maybe he could play nice for the first 20 minutes, lure her in, then trap them like a rat.

but of course i understand that you should show this vermin no respect.

i guess i just cant help white knighting for white gurls. i sadly would probably bang her 6/10 fetal alcohol syndrome, 34 year old, hipster problem glasses wearing, body, vocal fry, leftist, lying.

im just curious to see what happens after this. like what kind of article is she gonna write. i mean she was made to look like an IDIOT. that cant be good for her story.

i wanted funeral doom, why dont i just go with a trusted name here, and not just listen to the first song only, hahahahaha. i hear the third song is also pretty good.

interesting seeing that guy from the job. he was on my good list so i didnt mind talking to him. realize i hadnt seen him in over a year. 14+ months. WOW.

cant help but think of That Woman and how i am a just a small insignificant part of her Distant Past, and she should be the same to me, but she’s not!

but she’s moved on, new job, 14 months, def new cox, maybe some new lovers that she can fall in luv with, new friends she can be interested in, new life, new everything.

tho i am sorta glad she wasnt BRIGHT enough to get that 18 an hour job all the other people got. because she really is not a very sharp thinker in the technical field. she just is more emotionally mature and disciplined than me hahahaha. she is more mature than me hahahaha yet she cant send 1 text to end a 3 year rel. i am less mature than that apparently hahahahahaha.

but yeah i couldnt help but think of her when i saw this guy. bringing back memories of the awful job from so long ago. yet i cant get over HER. i cant really get over that job either hahaha. this man i talked to didnt hate it nearly as much as i did. he was very chill and laid back and could roll with the punches very well. i wish i could do that.

yeah i totally understand why she could throw a person away. it just hurts a LOTTTTTT and I guess I dont understand why she couldnt send a messanger to just say sorry for the way this all went down, have a good life. that would have helped a lot. couldn’t you care enough to do that?

maybe by the time she thought of doing that, some time had already passed, and she figured it would be like ripping open an old wound again. which makes sense.  i can understand that.

but she BLOCKED ME, which says DONT CONTACT ME. I DONT WANT TO HEAR FROM YOU. I WONT LISTEN TO YOU. WHEN YOU CONTACT ME, THAT’S AGAINST MY CONSENT, AND MAKES YOU THE BAD GUY.

so sending messages that will get blocked makes you the bad guy, becuase they didnt CONSENT to receiving those messages. its LITERALLY RAPE hahahahahaha.

heh. the amount of dollars per hour you make is like your LEVEL.

are you a loser making 11 dollars an hour?

or are you a huge winner making 18 dollars an hour?

its “ONLY” 7 dollars. but that 7 dollars makes ALL THE DIFFERENCE in the world between a loser and a winner. thats 14k a year between big loser and big winner. hmmm.

22k a year vs 36k a year.

i think savage.wav comes from the michael savage show and not necssarily devil may cry. just a thought.

referrinf to the sweet audio drop on the fatherland haha

im honestly not this ADD. this is just mental multitasking, i have to have two trains of unrelated thought going at all times. i blame the job really. with all the damn CASES that we did.

plus im jealous of how SHE used to work on 3 or 4 or 5 cases AT THE SAME TIME. she was a better multitasker than me.

but was she ultimately more effective? or efficient? i dont think so.

btw if i havent made this clear, multitasking is ABSOLUTE BULLSHIT and anyone who says its a good thing, you should punch them repeatedly in the face.

multitasking is a jooish lie, scam, myth, farce, lies, bullshit.

https://www.linkedin.com/pulse/why-non-business-students-shouldnt-take-business-dimitri-bianco-frm

real controversial title here!  and i did not watch the video so…..i guess its some young MSc who got a sweet 100k job for what he went to graduate skool for, and he is complaining about Grad students taking Business classes because they want to work “in industry” as opposed to……didnt watch the video. in industry as opposed to academia, government, nonprofits, public sector i guess?  and they think taking a marketing class will somehow make them more hirable? but it really doesnt? and they should just get into a better grad program instead? but why are you in grad skool if its not a good one? because people will just go to grad skool. not even joking. but how could just about any MSc degree be “worthless?”

because some degrees that seem worthwhile are worthless. like a phoenix MBA hahahahaha. but thats a business degree.

well, like maybe if you get a “general” library or education masters degree. or social work. i guess biology is shitty too.

heh. this is why i avoid graduate skool. why i avoided it for 10 years. i would rather try to survive in the real world. and i havent figured out how to do that yet! apparently by being able to be calm and make decisions and bullshitting in Tough Situations!

heres the TDS with the vice gurl, it hadnt been uploaded to youtube yet yesterday hehe

i mean it was kinda a trainwreck and could have been a lot better, but it was still very entertaining and illustrative. and cant stop listening. but it still could have been better. like yeah actually talk about the JQ for an hour. but she’s not gonna come back, she’s prob the one who reported TDS to soundcloud. she wont come back to have a more productive discussion.

basically there was a lot of wasting time of people interrupting, her being an idiot, some of the guys being autistic. something more focused with just mike and the reporter, talking in depth about one issue, like the JQ or White Privilege or Housing or Immigration or Punching Down or Systemic Racism. pick one and only one. yeah i know its hard when theres all these good interrelated topics. but you cant give them any place to run to, any chance to change the subject.

anyway yeah it started getting good near the end of the interview. it took 2 hours to start really getting good.