NOT ALL WOMEN ARE LIKE THAT, ONLY HALF

sheeeeit

sept 24

what i dont like about medical MJ is that you get put on a State List. that law enforcement and WHO KNOWS WHO ELSE can get access too. employers doing background checks? fedgov? aren’t background checks done BY law enforcement?

also if you have an MJ card, you CANNOT technically legally own a Firearm/Pistol. (what about a hunting rifle?)

you have to officially send back and revoke your MJ card if you want to legally own a firearm.

i have lived in two different worlds, one where owning a gun is UNTHINKABLE, and another where owning a gun is PERFECTLY NORMAL, NO PROBLEM MAN. And I personally much prefer the latter hahahahaha. its WEIRD that people can take SUCH HORRIFIED OFFENSE to the MERE IDEA of owning a GUN. but believe me, they absolutely DO. they are DISGUSTED at the very IDEA that people – working class, uneducated, trump supporting, WHITE people – even CAN own guns.

so youd think there wouldnt be a lot of MJ card holders who ALSO even WANT to own guns…..but youd be surprised! in the normie real world, people do have a healthy apprecation of their 2nd amendment rights hahaha and i cant blame them! so do i!

in other words, I SHOULD get a gun, but I’m too lazy and keep putting it off and havent done it yet because i;m too lazy to comply with the law and jump thru the hoops and do the paperwork and talk to the police.

anyway i REALLY dont want to have my name on a state list for something that is federally ILLEGAL .

also REALLY what are they REALLY doing about driving and MJ in legal states? like DUI arrests? i havent heard SHIT about that, but Im SURE its a big thing.

well, ive heard a little bit about the market for MJ breathalyzer tech. and i agree. i would not mind investing in such a company. i wish i could just invest 20 bucks hehehehe.

google invest in MJ breathalyzer

http://www.theweedblog.com/no-one-should-invest-marijuana-breathalyzer-company-stock/

best clickbait title ever hehehehe

we arent sure the tech really works! they can short the stock!

i mean shit. i just want to invest 20 to 50 bucks. but one simply cannot do that.

http://www.cannabixtechnologies.com/investors.html

hehehehe

i guess i could use one of those trading websites? maybe? to buy stock in this canadian company?

i might make enough on a 20 dollar investment to pay for the FEE on the trade! but probably not hahahaha. i would be better off putting the money in the BANK to get .1% interest.

anyway it strikes me as NAIVE AS FOOK that all these pro-legalization MJ people and MJ has 0 recorded fatalities in history maaaaaan, completely bury their head in the sand regarding MJ related car crashes, even though they would certainly take huge notice to alcohol related car deaths!!!!

methinks the local police would make JUST AS MUCH OR MORE revenue arresting people for MJ DUI than they did arresting people for MJ possession and dealing etc back in the day.  I WONDER.

even WORSE, many MJ advocated think alcohol DUI is immoral and disgusting, but they think its JUST FINE to drive under the influence of MJ. “oh i do it all the time, IT DOESNT IMPAIR YOUR DRIVING.”

bullshit hehehehehe. saying that as someone who has done it more than several times!

nonetheless i still want legal MJ so i can go into the store and buy some!

but employers are STILL gonna test for it! and companies who random testing of all their employees will STILL do that!

but i do agree that MJ test needs to be developed that tells you WHEN the person last blazed. 1 day ago? 1 hour ago?

and also measures exactly HOW IMPAIRED you are.

heh. this is pretty much why i drank. because it was fun. recreation. it blocked out the negative feels. could get stupified. kinda the very similar reason i want to sm0ke MJ!!!!!!!!!!

basically, if i hadnt totally screwed up with alcohol, I would probably be drinking right now!!!!

and then i would probably drink to excess and get in trouble. like i did. it was basically inevitable.

heh. i dont abuse nyquil simply because it isnt as fun! you cant get totally out of your mind on nyquil, if you do, the aceto will K you!

i guess i could just take a bunch of sleeping pills that have no aceto hehehehe.

then you are tired all the next day, kind of a big hangover.

alcohol has a TERRIBLE hangover, but its ALMOST worth it. it isn’t, but its easy to convince yourself it is!

and then you have a terrible hangover the entire next day hahahaha.

maybe i should go to the black ghetto and try to buy MJ from some shady looking thug on the street hahahaha.

ctrl f does not work on the chrome bookmarks page.

it does, but only on the current SCREEN. if you have a list of 1000 bookmarks, its only gonna search the 30 bookmarks or so that are on the screen without scrolling.

yes there is a separate search box, but that does not highlight the results, so you dont know where to find it in the NORMAL list.

but of course on regular webpages, ctrl f searches stuff on the whole page. because heads would roll if it didnt. that is a feature request the devs simply could not ignore. the users would come and crucify poor level 1 phone monkeys.

white women acting like muh dick negro apes. its disgusting. have a longer time preference. have less of a desperate need for instant gratification. muh dick. muh uterus. muh cl1toris. muh tingles.

since i am on NO social media, i FORGET how ANNOYING average regular normie women are on social media. facebook, twitter, and, my point right now, stuff like okcupid and i assume tinder. dating social media. the things they say and the way they present themselves is annoying as fook. unattractive. disgusting. lip curling. you say good lord, what a terrible annoying personality, but i guess id fook that body. which is a degen negro way of thinking of course!

i guess just keep in mind women come across as more unlikeable than they are in RL, as they do on Social Media.

in other words, tell yourself, she’s PROBABLY more likeable in real life. probably. less annoying than she seems here.

cuz i remember when i used to look for women on okcupid, after like 15 minutes, i would get discouraged and think THIS is what i have to pick from? i guess i will have to settle for negro muh dickin cuz none of these women are rel worthy. i will never find a woman i actually like, and its prob better to settle for degen negro casual sex and have SOME contact and experience and fun with women, than be celibate the rest of muh life pining for some perfect angel!

this was the some nihilistic mindset i had before i got feels for That Woman. welp, i will never get feelings for a woman again, but i GUESS I would be pretty happy with meaningless casual negro sex, thats good enough. get a harem of 10 gurls, i could be happy with that. its not like im getting any now anyway. just bang bitches and maybe one day meet a decent one but dont COUNT on it. dont get disappointed when you dont find that.

yesh this is pretty degen, and that degen is a lot easier to see when you take into account your new goal of Having Children. you want the mother of your children to be a god damn whore? to ask the question is to answer it!

so yeah thats the difference between now and 2012. in 2012 i didnt really care about having children, in 2015 i do. that also makes the dumping harder. and makes it harder to settle for meaningless, nihilistic, degenerate muh dick transactional “relationships.”

i mean in 2012 i was still pretty darn pro white, mind you!

i refer to 2012 because that was the last dumping/heartbreak. which was not nearly as bad. oh life was good then. i got heartbroken but i still had an easy job and i didnt quit it. i didnt have a 14 month and growing gap on muh resume. i had a new female friend i got along with which proved to me that women were normal human beings and that I Had What It Takes to Get Along with Them.

yep just break it into little chunks. do one application a day. then 500 days & applications later, you might have a job hahahaha.

prob closer to 600 hahahaha.

well i did 4 applications today, 3 at this one company where it went REALLY quick, like 5 minutes each. simply had to upload muh resume (in my case, the 10 page behemoth document) 3 times and just changing the name of the job in the cover letter. which is prob bad because i need to do MOAR TAILORING of the cover letter than just the damn job title. but why im the BEST candidate for this IT department job or that Scheduling department job or That HR department job.

how does that woman do it. how does ANY normie do it. how are you the best at something that pays 13 an hour or above.

how come 80% of all jobs posted are not entry level jobs? they should hire from within! where are the entry level jobs posted? or are they not posted, and they all go thru temp agencies? but many temp agencies POST these jobs. and indeed i am very close to going down that route. just as long as it isnt doing tech support phones. where i have to beg and argue to get something escalated. shit if i could escalate on my own authority, that wouldnt be super bad. some places you can. you go over 20 minutes, then boom you have blanket permission. of course they will prob try to fire you because you go over 20 minutes to much and escalate too many cases “due to time.” well then hire some dumb 85 iq negro and see if THEY fix it in under 20 minutes. well they’ll just bullshit to get the person off the phone in 19 minutes without solving the issue. and that’s fine. THAT’s ok. leave the problem unsolved, as long as its less than 19 minutes. i hate that mindset.

sept 25

on EVERY website its pretty easy to FLAG or REPORT something to the moderators.

but not on INDEED! for example, a big financial services company (bank?) with a listing on indeed, sounds like a decent entry level job, but the apply link takes you to this other site, and that site looks kinda fishy, and makes you think it’s not really the company it says on indeed.

maybe its a temp job at that company. well they should say that. i mean this is essentially a fancy swiss bank and i would HOPE they would contract with more professional people.

also, if you can only get entry level jobs at big companies thru AGENCIES (for example, assembly line jobs with major big manufacturers)…………… how do you find out WHICH agency to apply to to find the jobs at Company A or B or C?

ok on that kriegsmaschine prism i linked a little while ago, that is NOT the same awesome mgla drummer as mgla has now. it is actually the mgla drummer they had BEFORE him….who is still pretty darn good! this guy also played on the “altered states of divinity” lp.

basically, im trying to say, kriegsmaschine changed a LOT over the years, and i probably prefer the older, blastier stuff. there is no blasting on their 2014 album with the genius mgla drummer darkside. which is a SHAME because he is an amazing drummer and i WANT to hear him blast like a madman. he does it occasionally with mgla, so i dont think he considers himself above it. there are also normie pictures of him on facebook and he is HANDSOME! I bet he has NO problem getting a qt innocent polish trad waifu!!!! jelly!!!!!

 

here is another polish bm band i should be paying a lot more attention to. including fast blasts, great drummer, good production, and lots of melodic riffs, and a sense of “creativity” and “original style.”

yeah ive known about them for like 2 years but never really gave them a fair listen. new music takes a lot of effort but this group seems to be worth it.

i mean there is SO MUCH BLACK METAL going on in poland right now, its AMAZING, its not just graveland only anymore folks. its possible poland is the #1 black metal country in the world right now. which makes me very happy since poland is one of my favorite countries period, always will be.

 

on this earlier album they sound a little more black metally maybe hahaha. not so postmodern and hipster hahahahaha.

 

ok i am tired of metal for the day. i want to listen to something chill. for some reason i came to this album. it is described as “post rock slowcore” but we will see. rather phaggy sigur ros style singing. which is not inherently bad. i mean who am i to crap on “agaetis byrjun”. i am not informed enough to tell if this is a blatant sigur ros ripoff or not.

 

i am looking for some slow chill kinda “SAD BASTARD” music. older red house painters would be perfect but RHP reminds me too much of That Woman, so, no go. no can do little buddy.

baby steps. do one thing a day. one application a day.  baby steps. i only did 3.6 miles of walking today. but got under muh calorie goal of 1200, and also the whole week averaged under 1200 for all days. not that i even NEED to lose weight. but I lost about 18% of muh body weight starting in jan 2016 and it has been noticeable.

mazzy star and hope sandoval, their shtick is pretty obvious, and you will know right away if you like it or not. normally i hate everything about women, but i do like her voice hahahahaha. like when i used to listen to cat power hahahaha. no i cant crap on cat power. even if she is a marxist whore. so is hope sandoval probably hahahaha. they’re all race mixers mud sharks hahahaha.

like varg vikernes’ 23 year old beautiful daughter who i shudder to think how many brown guys shes sucked and fooked in britain and norway hahahahahahaha.

o god. well theres an internet rumor that this qt 23 year old norwegian singer is vargs daughter, and it is a fact that he has a 23 year old daughter from some random woman when he was very young.

and yeah i am troubled a bit by him being a “deadbeat father” to this gurl.

also we dont know for sure that this girl IS his daughter. but she kinda looks like him. I mean varg is a handsome man even though he looks old and haggard now. but he cleans up very well. and i would imagine his daughter would be 8/10 attractive hahahaha. i wont even say the gurls name because i dont want to contribute to the rumor.

but she likes miley cyrus and likes attention and likes dressing up and getting made up and i know varg wouldnt allow that if he were actually involved in the girls life. but he couldnt be, because he was in jail for most of her life!

i guess he got a women preggers right before he went to jail and the woman did the unnorwegian thing by not getting an abortion, so thats good…..i mean damn thats a hard situation. damn.

also, until varg comes out and says this girl is not my daughter, or she comes out and says varg is not my father, the rumor is actually pretty plausible!!!!!!!

but im glad varg married a young woman and had 4 or 5 children with her and is very involved with that family!!!!!

but yeah if this beautiful 23 year old girl IS his daughter, then I REALLY hope she hasn’t mudsharked, and what the hell would varg have to say about that.

i say this all as someone who is a fan of vargs music AND his pro-white ideology hehehehehe.

TIL that if you eat a huge bowl of special k cereal with 2 cups of whole milk (4 cups / 124 g of cereal hahahahaha) that is 780 calories hahahahaha.

i just ate a 780 calorie bowl of CEREAL and i am still hungry hehehehehe.

well to be fair that was 5 hours ago hehehehe.

heh. i hate that idiots can be gainfully employed but i cant because reasons hahaha. because i get nervous in interviews and i have a huge gap hahahaha. if i were a qt 25 year old gurl it wouldnt matter.

well got one app done today at least. baby steps. bit by bit. infinitely better than 0 hehehehe. i mean i  did 4 the other day, 5 the other day. sheeeeit.

never been a huge death fan but shit. i first heard about death when “the sound of perseverance” CAME OUT, just to once again whine about my age.

at my current age i would lean more towards the less progressive death hehehehe. also where chuck sounds less like his balls have been cut off.

yes i am aware that chuck is 50% jooish. believe me i can never forget it.

new darkthrone album just came out. welp i do like the production on this album and for some unknown reason i am optimistic about this album. i probably should have been optimistic about their previous album.

listen im old enough to remember when “the cult is alive” and then “foad” came out. i was like hmm what are you doing here darkthrone. and i was interested but both albums were boring as hell, so i just ignored everything they did since then.

while “transilvanian hunger” and “panzerfaust” were all time favorites of muh youth. smoking MJ as a 17 year old and playing riffs from those albums.

so they went from classic, to FOOKING BORING AF.

so really, i kinda EXPECT them to be BORING AF, and I expect this album to get boring after 3 songs, but it DOES have a great production sound. hopefully there is plenty of culto screams. i didnt like that culto rolled back his screams and then fenriz started singing more songs.

also its weird that they refuse to play shows. i can see not going on long tours, but wouldnt it be FUN to play a SHOW once a YEAR in NORWAY?

I mean they both seem like basic metal normies, not too weird, probably a fair amount of degen in there. like fenriz should have some CHILDREN and not be listening to METAL all day. i guess he used to be married but he got divorced. maybe his wife was tired of being married to a manchild hahahahahahahahahaha no i have no idea.

maybe his wife was a masculinized norwegian wimmin. all i know is that she did some artwork for famous black metal albums like “bergtatt” and maybe “transilvanian hunger.”

i mean i dont HATE fenriz’s power metal vocals. and yeah the drum sound and guitar sound is GREAT on this new album. and culto sounds pretty good. but what about the RIFFS? too early to tell.

making a pot of Chili, felt some agency today. the big value add was that I added some BACON. maybe even too much. theres a lot of bacon fetishizing going on the past 10 years, but i cant really argue against it…..well yes the FETISHIZATION of ANYTHING I can argue against. But basically Im saying that Bacon IS good and makes just about anything better. but what about muh chili. we will see. I just tore it up and threw it in there with the ground beef, browned all the meats, added tomato sauce, beans, spices, and letting it all simmer on low for at least 2 hours.

ok does nocturno culto have any children? he better. i mean fenriz should too.

they know how to get a great sound though. and i am 90% sure this is just them in their “studio” / rehearsal space. in a damn nondescript little room. nothing fancy at all. but this is NOT EASY TO DO. so I respect them for being able to do it well. IMO, it shouldnt be complicated. Id like to think I could do it too. also i can write boring riffs…..like darkthrone! but mine are even worse hahahaha.

ate the chili. it was bretty good. protein and fibre packed. yes i use beans, a lot of beans, i like the beans. mind you theres a lot of damn beef in there too. beef beans and bacon is what it is basically. thankfully the bacon taste did not overwhelm at all. i put like 6 strips of bacon in with 2 lbs of beef and about 2 lbs of beans hahahahaha. i absolutely did NOT drain any fat from the meat hahahahaha.

YUGE trump vs shillary first debate tonight. def pretty exciting there. i should really use the opportunity to get my rep up on TRS forum hahahaha.

just saw a jackass in the hofstra university crowd wearing a tshirt with a gorilla in red white and blue which said “HARAMBE FOR PRESIDENT” hahahahaha. or HARAMBE 2016. it defeinitely said HARAMBE hehehehe. well memed muh boy.

wonder if some TRS or related people are out there right now. pool parties.

baby steps every day. at least 1 job app a day (still need to do), and also i want to do 10-15 pushups every day.

everyones making a big deal out of fenriz being a “politician” but really he is just a SUBSTITUTE city council member and he didnt even WANT the job. literally ANYONE could have put their name in and got the job. in fact who knows if it even pays anything.

boo hoo let him have his fun, he wanted to put up a funny picture of him and his cat, why should i be a buzzkill.

i wonder if he is become a crazy old cat man!!!!!

i can appreciate cats, but dogs are better, and come on. you dont wnat to be a crazy old cat man.

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BE THE TYPE OF MAN YOU WOULD WANT YOUR DAUGHTER TO MARRY

july 9

https://www.youtube.com/user/ForeverAloneFeels/featured

i have downloaded like 10 videos to listen to. this guy seems like a Kindred Spirit and might even make it to the sidebar links. he also has varg v and weev in his liked videos, which means he might be a bad goy hehehehe. a 1433 bad goy with foreveralone nevergf forevervirgin feels. dont quote me on the 1433. but if he’s not, that might help him. i know it helped ME.

he is one of those guys that talks SO SLOW, probably because he is a horribly depressed virgin for many years! but he also drinks and looks at pron, which is bad. but i think he is quitting pron, which is great. he is currently on like day 60 of “nofap” and apparently that may be helping.

does he go to a shrink?

does he take meds?

does he take MJ?

he definitely likes to drink and eat.

look forward to investigating this fellow lost soul.

he DOES have a job and is gainfully employed, but it also sucks everything out of him and does not help his confidence heheheh.

i havent even watched these, so viewer beware, they might suck. but I think he is definitely worth a few links hahahaha

but yeah its funny how you can just TELL. from the way people LOOK and TALK. that this person is a self loathing virgin. or this person is a woman hater. im not sure if he’s a woman hater, just saying that’s something you can TELL. I know a few guys and you can just tell. i mean it is a bitterness against All or Nearly All women just barely under the surface, of viewing women as stupid and bad. I mean I have the same thing too, so I’m not judging them. I know that feel! I’m a woman-hater myself! I’m just aware of the TELLS, and make a conscious effort to HIDE them, so that people don’t even guess I’m a woman-hater. I am good at not letting the mask slip.

but yeah i dont hate or judge woman haters, how could I , I’m one myself!

I would LOVE not to hate women, but god damn, they just give us so many reasons to hate them hahahaha.

Oh well, i guess the best we can go is hate the sin, love the sinner. but why do they have to sin so god damn much, i mean they NEVER LEARN, they NEVER improve, they get worse and worse.

heh heh

like i say, i will have to listen to this guy then report back. i like to think i am very sympathetic hahaha. how will this guy compare to eggy / egg man, a similar lost soul. i mean these are not neets because they are working, but they are clearing Crying Out for help, they are in SUCH a sad state of despair.

just take some damn meds and sm0ke some damn weed already hahaaha.

how much does “george feels” drink? a little or a LOT. like getting drunk almost every day? or just a few drinks after a long horrible day at work. 3 drinks? or 6, 10 drinks.

but yeah a man CARRIES himself a certain way when he hasn’t made out (or more) with a woman in years, and men who DO have semi-regularly physical and emotional connection wtih women, also carry themself a certain way – a more confident, normie way. they seem less weird. this guy george seems totally WEIRD. as do I, hahahha.

well i guess the nofap is good for him. i would say the porn is 6000000000 times worse than the fap hehehe.

also quit the drinking and switch to weed hahahahaha.

get some damn meds.

get a short buzz haircut, that always gives me a slight confidence boost.

lose some weight hehehehe. not that he’s super fat, but being even slightly overweight is gonna be more damaging to him than to a confident normie chad, who has the personality to get away with being slightly overweight.

in one video he shows a programming in C book, is he a programmer for work? well he should thank his lucky stars to have a real skill and to make real bigboy money hahahahaha.

he lives in fookin denver! why isnt he smokng POUNDS of legal weed hahahahaha.

job opening at one of muh target employers, i almost shit muh pants when I saw it, because it actually generated an email alert. maybe newly posted fulltime jobs here do go onto indeed. good. then i will get email alerts. but they NEVERRRRR post openings for this job. I have NEVERRRR seen such a posting in like EIGHT YEARS. i immediately marked it AAAAAAA+++++++ APPLY NOW. its not every day a job shoots to the top of the list blatnatly like this.  so i will take a little extra care and apply for that today. maybe name drop in the cover letter. cuz i sorta knew 2 guys in the department 3 years ago hahahaha. like know them to chit chat with them and know their names, say hi to them and chit chat. good enough. well the one guy is a truly good guy. i would luv it if he were still there. he is a great guy and mancrushworthy. super friendly and nice and great people person hahaha. he is married and has at least one kid but he needs to have at least 3, just a great white man like that. i got along with him real well. but he gets along with everybody well, he’s just good with people like that.

i GET IT that men HAVE to bring a lot more to the table than women have to. it took me a while to understand that and accept it and not get assmad about it. ok. fine. done.

but can’t women bring SOMETHING to the table other than their befouled cvnt that they have disgraced and degraded so much?

like i have said before, can’t they even make a LITTLE EFFORT? even just 1% instead of 0% would mean a lot, symbolically at least. to be the LEAST BIT willing.

also i think guys like george mcfeels and eggman who post their pathetic white faces on youtube, it takes some balls to do that and I think they are more willing to Improve themselves than the neets on r9k, where its 100% self pity which i why I took r9k off the sidebar.

yeah well NOT ALL WOMEN ARE LIKE THAT hahahaha. SOME women WERE willing and indeed DID give me 1% of effort and kindness when they dumped me! so there! Refuted! Rebutted!

I just wanted to be DUMPED BETTER. I was begging to be dumped better. I said I accept that you’re dumping me. fine. just pleeeeeeease do it BETTER.  i didnt say don’t dump me. well….i said i would be open to not being dumped too hahahahahahahahahahahahaha but i will respect (stupid word, you can ACCEPT without RESPECTING) your decision, just do it a little better. you can do better than that. can’t you? it’s not just a woman thing, OTHER WOMEN have done better than that to ME.

also george feels should just use alcohol to bang some disgusting slut. i think he talks to women and meets women more often than I do. also he still drinks. so find some drunk whore and bang her already. if i still drank i would probably try that.

thing was, i couldnt even talk to women WHEN DRUNK. I went straight from too nervous and weird, to being sloppy falling down drunk and couldnt talk to ANYBODY. and that is not gonna help you with women unless THEY are falling down drunk.

anyway after 3 or 4 or 5 drinks, yeah i would be generally a bit loosened up but still not loosened up around Women. so then of course have another. and other. until you are 10+ drinks and then sloppy and embarrassing. thats the problem with alcohol hahahahahaha. that you get TOO sloppy to talk to women. not that you are ruining your life with being a damn disgraceful drunk hahahaha.

do i have more of a sense of humor than george mcfeels?

am i funnier than him?

more likeable?

why am I trying to BEAT him? well, i dont, i just want to prove to myself that i am not as hopeless as him hehahaha. because i am absolutely in that same ballpark, that i CAN truly Empathize with him. put myself in his place, cuz i’ve been there.

i mean he’s survived at Work for 2 years without having a nervous breakdown and quitting….right? and what if i’m wrong?

but yeah i would totally casually bang sluts with no rel. i dont WANT a rel with any women but HER. I WILL bang women with no committment, no luv. i will treat them in the casual way they are offering their pvssy up to be pounded by the most convenient dick. who cares. as long as i am not with her, nothing matters hahaha. well women at least. just pound the pvssy like a nihilist hedonist degenerate. thats fine and i am willing to do that if it helps me get more distance between me and HER, and gives me more confidence with women, and makes me less needy for women, or at least needy for HER.

so, if alcohol isnt gonna help you with women, i would say at least TRY using MJ as a tool to get sluts and skanks and white trash mudshark whores to give you casual secs. be like ayyy bae u wanna get h1gh ayyyyyy lets blaze it babay and then supply them with the expensive dank buds you have procured hahaha and then maybe they will throw themselves at you after they get st0ned hehehehe. of course good luck not acting WEIRD. so I would recommend that YOU not smoke so much at that time, and also take some benzos to chill you out. then just sit back like an ignra and say wahatever i dont care and give them an i dont care mentality. then you might be able to get dirty secs from dirty sluts who give it up to ANYBODY except for omega weirdo virgins who dont know how to talk 2 gurls hahaha.

so who are MEN supposed to go to for emotional support when THEY feel weak? you cant ask your wife or gf to do that, women are programmed naturally to LEAVE men who are emotionally needy like that. you have to support THEM.  give give give give give but god forbid you ever need someone to give to YOU.

really the best person a MAN can go to if he needs support like that, is his friends or family. really aint no shame for a 35 year old man to run crying to his mother, if he has that privilege.

or i heard a story about a 34 year old man with 2 young children, who himself had a cancerous lump in the testicle or something and he was understandably scared as shit, very emotional, crying, but he had to be careful not to cry in front of his wife and children, because god forbid the big strong man (he is a very big guy) looks weak in front of his wife and kids because he just found out he has CANCER. JESUS CHRIST.

i would be running crying like a baby to my mother and my bitch wife could LEAVE me if she wanted. leave you in the LURCH when you just got diagnosed with CANCER. JUST LIKE A WOMAN hahahahaha. ALL WOMEN ARE LIKE THAT. you can’t get assmad at it. NATURE programmed them that way. GOD programmed them that way. for a reason. for the reason that they are the Creators of New Life. so they can get away with being mercenaries for Strong Men, and leaving weak men with Cancer in the LURCH.

anyway. george mcfeels needs to cut his hair short and trim his beard short. the only way you can rock a long beard or long hair is if you have very strong confidence. if you don’t, it will just make you feel like more of a weirdo. believe me.

also delete any porn vidyas, AND porn pcitures, AND porn bookmarks. get rid of EVERYTHING on your computer and phone and whatever thats porn related whatsoever.

i am SO glad I did that. for a long time i had vowed against saving any files to the computer. that was one step forward, but i still saved bookmarks.

then one day i said fook this filth and deleted all the bookmarks. searched mercilessly for any and all bookmarks and baleeted them. this is what george mcfeels must do.

should he quit drinking? probably. but maybe it does give him some solace. shit sometimes I want to start drinking again! but then I think I’d much rather smoke weed hahahahaha. and also i can’t just drink alcohol. I just think about the shame of getting a damn DUI, shame for myself and family, then the thousands of dollars of fees, the god damn piss tests every week, i just never want to go through that again. the punishment was an effective deterrent in other words.

plus the 2 DUI club is alot different than the 1 DUI club. 3rd DUI is a felony and that is some bad shit. but there is a statute of limitations that is somewhat less than 10 years hehehehe.  doesnt mean the DUI’s go off your RECORD, just that you could get a 3rd DUI and have it not be a felony if its 10 years after the first hehehe.

if I were not an asshole who frequently drank and drove, and just sat and drank at home, well maybe I WOULD still be drinking. If I never got a DUI. but I was always driving after drinking. shit yeah that was stupid and downright EVIL.  that you think youre so much BETTER than everyone, that YOU can get away with this.  I really SHOULD have gotten busted a LOT earlier!

like oh ive driven with a Buzz hundreds of times, I’m pretty GOOD at it!

NOPE.

so yeah I am not worried about drinking again. I would do just about any drug rather than drink alcohol again. I would do HERON before alcohol hahahaha.

but mainly i just wanna smoke weed, but i have trouble getting it because i am an autistic lonely loner, also there’s nothing more shameful than smoking weed when you dont have a JOB hahahahaha.

i just wanna get a job fast so I can start smoking weed again SOON hahaha.

well i would also need to find a Source hehehe.

but i could and should ax this guy I see every week.

heh. you should BE THE TYPE OF MAN YOU WOULD WANT YOUR DAUGHTER TO MARRY hehehehe.

easier said than done. credit for that goes to some guy on a recent fatherland episode. I dont think it was jim or bradan, but either otto, salty seaman, or heidrich.

all good guys. even jim hahahahahahaha but jim is autistic as FOOK, i am amazed he is not a 37 year old VIRGIN hehehehe. but if he can get married and have a kid, so can ANYONE. not that he’s a bad guy and deserves a shitty wife. he’s a good guy and deserves a good wife. he’s just SO autistic and women have a REALLY hard time with the tism unfortunately. social awkwardness in general. hehehe maybe his basedwife is really UGLY hehehehehe. no i dont KNOW that.

i listened to foreveralonefeels for about 90 minutes. yeah he sounds tired and despairing but he has more of a sense of humor than i expected and was more likeable than i expected! he was not as bad as i expected! he has worked the same job for 10 years. i wanted him to talk more about that. he is 30 almost 31 now and i guess worked at the public library from age 20 onwards. which is great. i luv the library and would LUV to get a job at the liberry. I have ALERTS to email me the second there is a liberry job available because it is my kind of place.

but there is like 1 part time shelver job that opens per year in the whole state, paying 8.50 an hour for 20 hours a week hahaahaha.

shit all the liberrian jobs are part time and you need a MASTERZ degree for that. believe me i thought that might be a good masterz for me to get. but there are no liberrian jobs out there. i mean it is a SHITTY job market. SO shitty. not worth the 50 grand of getting the masterz degree. unless you are in the top 1% of your class. are you prepared to do that? be in the top 1-5%???? you better be, or you just wasted 50 grand at LEAST.

so….he doesnt give the details I think are really important. what job was he hired into? how many hours per week? job title? how much ya make? did you get ANY PROMOTIONS in TEN YEARS? you SHOULD get TWO promotions in that time at least.

so you live with your fam because you feel a sense of responsibility towards them and appreciate all they did raising you. i understand that completely. BUT do you really make enough MONEY to move out? how much money do you make now?

and I would understand if he doesnt want to say.

i guess his father is looking for a job and has been out of work a while and he goes on interviews and says the interviews go well…..and then he never hears back hehehe. kinda sounds like me. except my interviews dont go “REALLY WELL”, they just go ok. but you feel damn, they dont want to hire an OLD person who has been out of work for a LONG time. you have a STENCH about you.

i would have liked george to take more of that angle.

but he’s a pretty good guy, i would hang out with him, i was thinking about doing a Skype Talk with him ahahahahah.

took some nyquil.

anyway me and him would be good in the beta uprising. but this isnt betas. betas are normie nonvirgins with bitch wives. real neet virgins are OMEGAS hahaha.

anyway i hope he’s not a leftist atheist.

he also likes to go for walks and sometimes he tries to lose weight by going for a RUN. oh wow. good for him.

anyway i would luv to work at a liberry but its next to impossible to find a 14 dollar an hour fulltime job at a library!!! believe me, any job like that would be classified AAAAAAAA+++++++++++ and I would take an hour to make the best application ever.  how did HE get a job like that? which makes me wonder, maybe its just a mickey mouse littleboy part time 8 DAH job that he has. and thats the real reason he lives with his parents hahahahaha. cuz he makes less than 10k a year. thats not a real job!

but i dont judge that, I’ve been in similar positions. my previous job was something similar. and god how i miss it. no nervousness, no stress. but i could only get 25 hours a week and i was making like 9.75 an hour. that’s no job!!! but i loved it. I said DAMN I wish I could work at this 40 hours a week and make just a LITTLE more. like 11 or 12 bucks an hour. I would work here the REST OF MUH LIFE.

so yeah how many hours does he get, what does he make, has he ever been promoted, does he have supervisory POWER over anyone? could you imagine HIM being someone’s supervisor? itd be like ME being someones supervisor!!!!

but yeah i generally liked him and will continue listening. dont know how despairing he is, if he is taking any meds, etc.

also i have been out on “Dates” I guess with gurls. where we hung out, went to dinner, etc. but nothing like that since 2005 hahaha.

well i did hang out with one on one and go to lunch and dinner a lot of times with That Person. but they werent dates because we were not FOOKING hehehe.

its horrible how people can get so out of whack that to me, hugging or cuddling or kissing a woman is SUCH A BIG DEAL, and for some women, fooking (aka the life creation process) is NOT A BIG DEAL AT ALL.

and you feel sick when the person where you hugging them would be SUCH A BIG DEAL, that same person opens their life creator to randoms and its NO BIG DEAL AT ALL.

well I don’t have proof she is being a slut like that.

also she never really DUMPED a person before!!! I was the first major dumping of her whole life!!! she was too scared to deal with it, i can’t handle this, i can’t deal with this, so naturally you shut down, run away, and avoid dealing with it. you give up.

IVE DONE THIS BEFORE, just gave up on projects and shit. but never to a person who was calling out to me.

july 10

yeah I HAVE Just Freaked Out and Just Given Up. Ran Away. It’s EXACTLY what I did to my JOB. it’s the SAME thing she did to ME.

but not REALLY. because one thing was a JOB, the other was a PERSON. PEOPLE are (in theory, and in my opinion) more important than JOBS.

also when I quit the job I made SOME attempt to TALK to them. I didnt just walk out. I had 2 meetings with managers and tried to leave in as dignified and smooth a manner as possible. not just walking out and never coming back. NO CALL NO SHOW. she NO CALL NO SHOWED on me. on a PERSON. and

PEOPLE are more important than JOBS. in theory. cuz jobs dont have hearts that you can break.

on linkedin some comment said the real unemployment rate is not 5%, its closer to 40%, but the BLS is lying with statistics, and the journalists lying. all the employment is low paying seasonal temp part time jobs.

if you look at jobs that pay the average of 28k a year, uhhh of COURSHE the average is gonna be 50% unemployment. cuz in bell curves half of all people are below the average! average is a HIGH BAR to set!!!!!

you can’t have 95% of people get to the average! then you need to move the goalposts hahahaa. set a higher average.

really MY goal is just to be average. no more, more less. make the average american income of 28k a year.  14 dollars an hour.

no more, no less.

‘man cannot remake himself without suffering, for he is both the marble and the sculptor’

great quote from a comment on the most recent Forever Alone Feels vidya:

also some thoughts that LIFTING is about a MILLION times more effective than nofapping. will get you some easy pussy FAST. WHY ARE YOU NOT LIFTING. DO U EVEN LIFT BRO????

90 days to make something a habit. so LIFT for 90 DAYS and then you will be better. i guarantee it hehehehe.

I left him a brief comment on this vidya hahahaha. not the greatest comment. i dont think it will reach him. i agreed with a guy who recommended Fascism. Now FAF will probably be turned against Fascism, when it could help save him.

and now i cant edit it to add the shit about noporn.

oh well. i will probably give him a small dnation if i continue listening to him.

so yeah, noporn and fascism has been GREAT for me. well not great enough to get me a 14 DAH FT job or a tradwife, but i cant imagine my life without them, and i am very grateful for them.

illuminati? bilderberg group? bohemian grove? masons? come on! ITS DA J00Z, STUPID!!!!! da jooz makes SO MUCH MORE SENSE than the damn illuminati, when it comes to a Secret Society of Superpowerful Elites who Control The World.  Follow the Money to Find a bunch of superrich jooz. very simple. its not a damn CONSPIRACY. well not any deeper than one group trying to protect itself.

what kind of person lets their stupid yapping small dog outside at 4 in the morning on a sunday to bark and bark and bark so it can be heard in a 5 house radius, from 4 to 440 am? 5 minutes is one thing. FORTY minutes is another.

heh. people would PAY to make monster save more than 5 searches. so why wouldnt monster do this? PEOPLE ARE TRYING TO GIVE YOU THEIR MONEY BUT YOU WONT TAKE IT!!1!11!!

this type of nonsense infuriates me about companies. its just too expensive in the short term to do a project that would be ENORMOUSLY useful to your customers.

and in general its very difficult to work with your saved searches. you add them, then they dissapear, then they come back. you dont know if theyre there, or if they are working, and all you want is a damn email when company x posts a new job, which they post like 1 new job every 2 months at most. so you want to make sure yu dont MISS it. cause the company/org itself doesnt let you sign up for job alerts. because that would be too useful of a recruiting tool for them to find super motivated candidates hahahaha. SERIOUSLY!!!!!!

took 2.8 mile walk in bright midday sun on sunday to try to get max sun on pasty arms hehe.

i wonder if forever alone feels george is j00ish, cuz jooz are neurotic and emotional…..but they are also more successful and not usually virgins. he would have banged a jooish slut in college or joo camp or the JCC cuz joos are very clannish like that, its like one big incestuous family where you can bang your slutty 5th cousin removed hehehehe.

you can essentially arrange marriages and arrange jobs thru the wider jooish social network of the JCC. huhwhytes don’t have that, but they SHOULD. huhwhytes are more atomized and bowling alone, like FAF George. see “atomised” by houellebecq hahaha.

since george still drinks, I think he should ask one of these milfs out for DRINKS. then get them drunk and bang them. and of COURSH it will be disappointing. but at least get it over with. dont be like me. where you don’t have enough EXPERIENCE to pull actually DECENT women.

its a LOT easier to get rejected by worthless sluts, than to get rejected by DECENT women.

its the worst to get HARSHLY rejected by a decent woman.

of course, decent woman are more likely to try to be nice when they reject you…..but not all the time hahaha.

anyway i know george has never experienced that! and if he does, he will be sadder than he’s ever been!!

perhaps you should use Benzos as an Enhancer to other drugs. like I hear if you mix benzos and benedryl, you practically fall into a coma hahahahaha. no i am not encouraging this hahahaha. but benzos basically MULTIPLY whatever effect something else has. also benzos can make other things fatal. weird.

but yeah to a foreveralone, a mere HUG from a woman means SO much. when this means literally NOTHING to the normie women. they hug 6 gorillion people a day just to say hello or goodbye. it couldn’t mean LESS. so it’s two VERY, VERY, VERY different ways of experiencing the world. and secs is even worse, because women bring that same sense of casual, shallow meaninglessness to secs that they do to hugging.

WHY THEY GOTTA RUIN EVERYTHING. THEYRE RUINERS.

WOMEN ARE RUINERS hahahahaha.

MAN CANNOT REMAKE HIMSELF WITHOUT SUFFERING, FOR HE IS BOTH THE MARBLE AND THE SCULPTOR. 

that is so good. yes that will be a post title very soon.

http://www.brainyquote.com/quotes/authors/a/alexis_carrel.html

a quote from alexis carrel, french scientist i have never heard of. I HOPE he is not a J. well, that one quote at least is pretty huhwhyte.

heh. i am glad i am not on facebook, to see white people, white women, probably even HER, doing stupid facebook signalling about how evil and oppressive white cops are and how they deserve to be shot by black animals hahahaha. apparently thats what white people are doing “omg i can even things are really heated right now, i am scared about the way things are doing, we need to stop being so DIVISIVE and just LOVE NOT HATE and step back and LISTEN to Black Voices about Black Lives and what they are TRYING to TEACH us!!!!!”

cuz she was always anti-cop. but I wonder what she is saying about this stuff. WHOSE SIDE WILL SHE TAKE? I will never know. If I knew she were taking the antiwhite side, I would have an easier time writing her off.

but ideally, I would have been a Strong Man For Her, and Guided her down the Pro-White path, as all strong pro-white men do.

But yeah I am willing to Meet Up with Other Local White Racists. the horse is out of the barn. i have no use for spineless white cowards. who wont take their own side when the shit hits the fan. if anything SHOULD wake a person, its this police violence / police killing in dallas. Dallas should wake up a ton of white people, but it’s NOT, they’re just DOUBLING DOWN on laying down and letting themselves be killed. absolutely disgusting. i mean this is race treason. don’t be a fooking race traitor. god damn. i am sure if i were on facebook i would be TRIGGERED TO THE MOON with white Shitlibs falling all over themselves apologizing and flagellating. you’re THIRTY years old, how can you still be a stupid shitlib? Haven’t you Worked in the Real World long enough after college? but for some, nothing will EVER red pill them. also these people have probably been Professionally Successful and Middle Class ever since leaving college, so they never HAVE to be redpilled or blackpilled.

and i think i had a chance at redpilling her, that she might have been open to Race Reality, but like all women, she needs a smart strong man to guide her. and maybe some other lucky white racist man will make her his aryan waifu and have white babies with her.

but who knows. maybe she became a full black lives matter anticop antiwhite race traitor mudshark. i kinda hope she DOES, as punishment for being so cold and callous to me.

i mean i basically TRUSTED her to NOT leave me in the lurch. trusted her to give it to me straight and not leave me hanging.

its okay to be an antiracist antiwhite leftist when you are 18-21 but after 25, it is absolutely inexcuseable. a leftist after age 25, i mean a white leftist, is absolutely pathetic.

nonwhites, fine, I can totally see why they would be leftists. because the left IS antiwhite.

and white cops shooting black thugs is making whites say IM SO SORRY FOR BEING WHITE. we whites are so problematic. we must mix this original sin out of us. police DESERVED what they got in dallas. they brough it on themselves, and they are also Symbolic of Systemic Racism and how Whites Oppress Blacks with White PRivilege.

so whites double down on this shit. day of the rope for these traitors. if you’re over 25 you have no excuse.

this thread overwhelmingly suggests jcpenney over “crappy” places like mens wearhouse or jos a bank if you are wanting to get a decent suit for the Frugal Man. JCPENNEY. I am getting closer and closer.

i mean the next woman i “date” will probably be some slut who i take out for drinks to get drunk and then she fooks on the first or second date and then I do that, am disappointed and disgusted, and certainly not the type of woman i’d want for the mother of muh children! but i guess i should get as many bangs out of her as possible and maybe even try to dump the woman, so i can get experience dumping a woman hahahaha.

course many sluts will have drunken secs with you once or twice, then just avoid you altogether.

avoiding is a typically womanly way of not dealing with shit. tons of women everywhere throw men away by just avoiding them cold turkey. she is certainly not the first or the last. tons of women do this. women are TERRIBLE at actually dealing with anything.

i expected this type of childish behavior from some average trashy slut……NOT HER.

i mean she was a WOMAN who i ACTUALLY GOT ALONG WITH, and DIDNT HATE hehehehehe.

ME. the worlds biggest woman-hater, actually getting along with a WOMAN, like a human being, really WELL. can you believe it? THATS why this was so SPECIAL. THATS why you cant throw it away like trash. that, and because people and relships ARENT TRASH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! DONT TREAT THEM LIKE TRASH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! when you do it can cause a LOT OF PAIN!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

psychic pain hahahaha. psychological damage hahahaha.

same thing with secs. yeah it can be very pleasureable (supposedly) but it also has the potential to cause a LOT OF PAIN, and also has the potential to CREATE NEW LIFE, so

BE VERY VERY VERY VERY VERY CAREFUL WITH IT. CAREFUL, NOT CARELESS AND CASUAL.

CARE FULL. FULL.

this is how you have to talk to these bitches hahahaha. just totally mansplain in no uncertain terms. they NEED a man to mansplain very simple things.

yeah getting a proper suit would DEFINITELY be a good confidence booster, even moreso than getting a short haircut.

i may never have children of my own because i may never find a woman i luv who is willing to have muh babies, and yes that is sad. i mean i dont want to have babies with any white slut. well, ok i will maybe do that when I am 70 hahahaha. and i will leave a ton of videos and stuff for the children. vidyas for muh heirs haha.

but say some ugly slut falls in luv with me (hasnt happened yet, hahaha), should I just SETTLE and say this is the best im gonna get, thsi woman is WILLING to have my children, so i should do it?????

i dont WANT to have children with a woman I don’t luv the way I luved HER.

just like I dont WANT to get a masterz degree hahahahaha.

dont WANT to get a job in a call center.

I can try to support white children in other ways. like the creepy bachelor uncle who never had kids of his own haha.

besides, its very likely i’ll never make enough MONEY to take care of CHILDREN, let alone MYSELF!

so yeah feels bad man hahahaha.  no man wants to feel like half a man like that!

but yeah its a bad feel when the woman you wanted to be the mother of your children would rather suck ingra dicks than show you a shred of mercy! yeah this will take much closer to 2 years than 1 year to get over.

its already been 1 year and I can say things are WAY better! this shit youre seeing right now, THATS “WAY” better!

me whining about her in every poast and hating all women! that is actually honestly way better than it was. it really is. cuz now i am much better about applying for jobs, going to interviews, and yeah I really DO think about her a little less.

but yeah i am very cynical and hateful and nihilistic too. except for muh race and muh 14 sacred words. but i dont particularly luv white women either, other than you need them for white tradfams and white babies. but i still think they are jooed as fook, and kinda inferior. i am assmad at them. but i appeciate that they are the only ones who can make white babies, so we kinda NEED them.

women give up and run away from shit ALL THE TIME. you think I am the only person who has been dumped this way? every guy has been dumped this way, probably several times, and every woman has DONE this to a guy, probably several times.

this is how BAD women are at COMMUNICATION. they throw people away rather than communicate with them. yet they are TEXTING ALL DAY with their face in their phones. they communicate ALL DAY EXCEPT when it REALLY MATTERS, then they clam up and run away like bitches.

and my case is WORSE because we were NOT just Fooking for a few weeks after meeting on a Dating/Fooking Website. we were real friends who got along with each other very well because we had a lot in common. so yeah that makes it morally worse, and it makes the PAIN worse.

just saying hahahaha.

you shouldnt fook guys you just met. but if you offer it, dont be surprised when guys take you up on it, and dont be surprised when guys dont consider you dating material. yet STILL women will dump the guys! talk about flipping the script! and the guys are so desperate that they will consdier sluts as dating material! and then get dumped quickly after the sluts quickly offer secs!

AGE 25 and 26

AGE 25

january. now, not much happens during the winter, excitement only happens during the summer, and i was dirnking alot these years, so i might get the summers mixed up.

continued drinking at home and occasionally, about once a month, visiting college friends. really needed a job but my motivation and chutzpah was an at all time low. had just given up and just wanted to drink as much as possible.

didn’t really smoke a lot of weed during this time.

either this year or last year my fam was worried about me, and well they should be, and i went back to the docker and got back on the paxil. every couple of months i would get the paxil stepped up until i was eventually taking the max dose of like 50 or 60 mg a day because i was a huge loser and super “depressed” and needed something strong as hell.

of course the drinking probablyt got in the way of it!

it was DEFINITELY age 25 that i began seeing my shrink. it was the first time i ever saw a shrink. ok, she is really a “counselor” with a MSW degree. i should have been seeing somebody like this since i was 18, if not 16! NOT 25!!!!!!!

so, i definitely met girl6 at age 24, and probably it was summer24 when i met girl5 in her homecity and had a very memorable, bittersweet final meeting with her.

age 25 was probably the start of my Sloppy Embarrassing Home Parties. when that really started to become a problem.

I had reconnected with my old good friend from high school, and he was kind of a drinker, and with him, i stepped up my own dirnking. he got his own place so i would start going there to dirnk and crash for the night. drinking and crashing. a new place to drink and crash.

in the fall of age 25 i FINALLY got a job, the job which i stayed at for 5 years. it was easy and fun and stressless and good times, but also a little boy part time loser job. but after almost a year and a HALF of total joblessness, it was a job, and i wasn’t gonna flip out and quit it.

anyway i started the shrink before that, like in the spring25. drank like crazy summer25 and pined over girl6 who was getting weirder and weirder.

i’m sure i pined over girl5 a little too!

definitely by summer25 i had started a very notable blog. because i remember posting a drunken post from my friends house, and also girl6 was reading the blog.

i want to say summer25 we had a nice summer getaway to this guy’s cabin/cottage. i drank a sh1tload of beer, fell off a boat and got that scar on my chin from doing so. tried to seduce girl6 who was there, but it wasn’t happenin.

ok i had definitely started the paxil, because the paxil magically made me able to drink OBSCENE amounts of alcohol without dying. and then i would make a HUGE 4ss of myself because I just drank an entire fifth of whiskey by myself in one sitting, or just drank 20 beers.  with the paxil i could drink RIDICULOUS amounts of alcohol,and in turn did RIDICULOUS things.

so i started the paxil either in early25 or late24.

started the shrink in spring25. that prob helped me get the job in fall25.

and it was at that job in fall25 that i met the auspicious Girl7.

i thought she was a little weird at first, but i quickly saw she was much better than girl6, who was promiscuous and crazy. girl7 was nonsexual and on the level. no drinking, no partying, no sechs, just college. a real asexual nerd gurl.

i thought it was interesting that she was conservative, i never had met a conservative gurl before. i think at the time i still thought of myself as a leftist.

hehe i remember i was reading feminist stuff at the time, thought i was a feminist, and was trying to convince gurl6 to become a feminist, that feminsm was good for women, and didn’t she see the patriarchy all around her oppressing her? haahahahaha.

i had wanted to take some classes for a while, but my stupid f00ked up logic was, i wanted to find a job first, so i could have an income stream. yet in the interim spent hundreds if not thousands of my savings on BOOZE.

well, now i had a job, and thus could start taking classes.

AGE 26

january. by age 26 i was done liking girl6, that crazy b1tch, and was in luv with girl7, that pure chaste nice gurl, taking a few months to get to know her of course. during the winter26 skool term hehehe. by summer 26 i was in luv and wanted to hang out with her and make a move. i was 26 and she was 21.

in summer26 i was drinking with my heavy drinking friend, on a huge paxil fueled drinking spree, when i finally got my dui. i was ridic drunk, well over .2, and this was a humiliating event which caused me to stop drinking entirely, and i have not drank at ALL since.

since i started the job in fall25 that stopped me from going to the college town because i always worked on weekends,when i would usually go.

now summer26 i had a dui, the cop made some really insulting remarks to me before letting me out about being a huge loser who was going nowhere in life, what the hell are you doing with your life, 26 years old and you’re working here, that’s not a serious job, what you got a college degree, what the hell are you DOING with your life; and the whole experience was humiliating.

i persuaded the doc to give me some buspar for muh anxiety. and i was taking max paxil, like 50 mg a day.

saw the shrink more regularly during the stressful time of muh probation and all that.

i remember cuz i started my first class in summer26, an accounting class, because i wanted to take a bunch of Useful Classes. a few weeks after that class started, got dui.

hehehe. that hampered my plans to get things started with girl7. i was essentially on house arrest from july to september and could not go anywhere except work, shrink, school, church.

but that is the price you pay! at least i didn’t kill anyone!

whole thing cost me like at least 6 grand, which destroyed my savings and then some.

heh. real low point of my life there, but at least it couldn’t get any lower. and it didn’t! i got an a in the accounting class, and then in the winter took accounting 2 and econ 1. i think. got a’s in those.

and i kept my job, they never found out, so that was good.

also i did hang out for the first real time with girl7 in the early fall i wanna say. uhhh no. that was actually at the very end of age26 year, or very beginning of age27year. dec or january.

next: age 27

MAKE UP FUNNY STORIES FROM YOUR LIFE

june 11

anyway girl8 is not really the main story, it’s just perhaps worth mentioning first to get out of the way. the much more imporatnt thing here was reconnecting successfully with an old frand i had not seen in….7 years.

i had sworn to make amends with him and with the guy we were going to see, the guy getting married. i didn’t get to really have a one on one with THAT guy but i still apologized to him, as well as to the other guy. deeply profoundly apologized to both guys, so that is good, feel good about that man.

i also did not have any tension with the leftists. of course i was not looking to provoke any tension either. but it was interesting hearing the leftists talk about their leftist beleifs.

it was weird, their beliefs are way out there, but they are still very decent admirable respectable people. i got along well with a radical leftist activist, all the anti-gun people, the anti-white people, anti-men, etc.

people talking about how jealousy is an immature bad emotion, having open rels, raep jokes are not funny, etc hehehe.

well, i think these guys would agree with me at least that rejection SUCKS and it hurts and that you have a right to be upset when you are rejected. i guess they just get over it and move on with their lives much quicker and easier than i do.

that and i like to laff at raep jokes, and i think open rels are kinda immature and bs and that at least 80% of them don’t work out, and that jealousy is a perfectly natural and normal response to rejection and butthurt. just don’t stalk, raep, hurt, or terrorize a broad. but you’re more than entitled to get jealous/angry when you get rejected.

got some good ideas about jobs, like people that make decent money tutoring english on skype, or being a chess coach, and not even any masters degrees.

even had great discussions with a new guy i just met there, who was real phd material, and going to start a masters program. i told him he was phd material and should really think about going that way. he caught my ear with philosophical jargon, so i spouted some jargon of my own, names of “thinkers”, and he got a huge kick out of it, and i was happy to oblige, however the diff bw me and him was that he really LOVED this stuff and grad skool for it is an obvious choice for him…..while i just like the jargon (philosophy/postmodernism/critical theory) because it makes you sound real smart. but i do NOT want to make it my career becuase it is kind of infuriating and not very rewarding or fun to read, IMHO. but this guy absolutely loves it, so i encouraged him to think about a phd. he also had great social skills and was great at talking to strangers. he was in great physical shape and had banged grils and traveled the world, and was able to drink and do other things responsibly. i mean some of these guys partied like bosses and i was happy to see that. CONSTANT beer drinking and at one point guys were in a ritual circle passing around a bowl of a ridiculous drink made of bacardi 151, vodka, and monster energy. that was a great drink invented by one of the leftists, and i was very impressed.

so yeah of course i did not drink. smoked a little bit of wiid where my MO was just to take one puff at a time and not get all paranoid and anxiety attack. whereas the other guys could take manny puffs and still not freak out.

also smoked a SH!TLOAD of cigarettes, like over 10 cigs a day, with a few days prob closer to 15 or 20, some chain smoking even. just sitting outside with the guys drinking tons of drinks and smoking w33d. i was just drinking water and chain smoking cigarets and taking the occasional puff of wiid.

i was proud about restraining myself on the wiid, and indeed i never really freaked out,and was able to continue conversation after puffing it.

something i noticed was that all these guys had lots of funny and interesting STORIES about their fun and interesting lives, and they would tell the stories and by the end everyone was laughing and cracking up. people were just full of stories. finally the guy asked me if i had any good stories, and i really DON’T!!!!  the closest thing was my DUI story, so I just told that in the funniest way I could, and did a pretty good job and got everybody laughing and that was a good confidence booster. we also played a game where we had to write funny responses and i wrote a few that everybody laughed and liked and commended me on my awesome sense of humor and being hilarious, which indeed is very imporatnt to me, and i appreciated that greatly.

but they had stories about girls and i didn’t have anything funny to share there. unless being a kissless virgin for like 10 yeasr is funny, hahaha. or mah frand having a full blown Rel with a gurl I pined for over a huge distance of time and space. or me wasting at least 3 years of my life if not 4, being in luv with a girl I hung out with onyl a few times and never even made out with (girl7).  hehehe.

so i would encourage you to do evertyhting you can to have at least one funny STORY you can tell. these STORIES from your life are key. they don’t have to be 100% truthful, i’m sure there was some  embellishment and exaggeration for comedic effect going on.

of course drunk driving is not technically funny, but i can vouch that you CAN spin it into a very funny story. If I can do it, so can you. so use that for your one funny story. if you’re a desperate lazy loser kissless virgin, then of COURSE you have a Drinking Problem, then of COURSE you have gotten a DUI. just par for the course.

so, i didn’t have even one funny or interseting story, so i took the closest contender, and spun it. go and do likewise, gents. if i can do it, you can definitely do it too.

ABJECT HUMILIATION AND DISAPPOINTMENT

apr 24

so the story. recently i remember the ABJECT HUMILIATION it was for me and muh fam for me to get Muh DUI, the fam finding out I was sitting in JAIL, muh fam coming to BAIL ME OUT. JEEZUM CROW. Just the HUMILIATION and the DISAPPOINTMENT was so strong, and that memory so strong, that it continues to make me never want to drink again at all.

some might say, well its been almost FIVE YEARS, you’ve done well, don’t you think you could drink again in moderation?

Probably, YES. but that’s not the point. the point is the humiliation and disappointment. i can’t ever go through THAT again.

yes, I SHOULD be more concerned about killing innocent people on the road. but the end result is the same, me not drinking.

ANYWAY, the related story (in addition to the HUMILIATION and DISAPPOINTMENT):

I remember sitting on a bench after getting out of the cell and getting ready to leave, getting bailed out, and as I was on the bench, the House Arrest Employee came in to put a house arrest bracelet on one leg, and an alcohol monitoring SCRAM bracelet on the other leg.

the main thing I remember there was how profane and vulgar and crude the Employee was, ie his language was FILTHY: “OK, so this f00kin thing is the f00kin scram, it like f00kin reads your f00kin skin to see if youve been f00kin drinkin or sh1t, so dont f00king drink ok, cuz this f00kin thing will know and tell our f00kin computer and then youll get in f00kin trouble. and this other f00kin sh1t is the f00kin house f00kin arrest one, so you can’t f00king fook leave your f00kin house and f00kin sh1t.”

He wasn’t directly mean or insulting to me, the only things he said was just describing the function of the bracelets, but my GOD, the WAY he described them!!!

I wasn’t sure if that is part of the “scaring straight” deterrent method of law enforcement, or just the way he talked, or if his boss Coached him to talk like that. And why couldn’t his boss Coach him to be more drill seargenty to the actual person, like “YOU f00king drunk loser, you idiot, don’t drink, you f00kin fa466ot,” but nothing like that.

anyway. i thought about having HIS job. I wouldn’t use all those swear words simply because I think it makes you sound stupid, I am not a huge Swearer myself, although I certainly CAN be.

might just be a Middle Class affectation, I definitely swear much less than The Average PROLE, hehehehe.

how about you?

but yeah his job would suck. not sure if it would be stressful per se, hehehe.

but that was more amusing than anything, and was a prelude to the crushing HUMILIATION and DISAPPOINTMENT I felt and which I never want to feeeel dat feel again, and would rather never drink again than feel that feel.

ok fine i’ll take the dam job hehehe. stress be damned. give me all the stress in the world. i will just keep showing up like a anal wart. i’ll say listen, you don’t like me, well then demote me to the back, so i’m a huge disappointment to you, then stick me in the back with the thais, hehehehe. i’m not gonna no call no show like a coward, loser, weakling, or n199er.

i have at least one guaranteed friend there, and the two women i met in the front office were very nice and friendly.

so what, is he making me wait, like i made him wait for a few hours before I called him? I was deep in worrisome thought, weighing the pros and cons, doing 180s!!!!! he’s GOT a job, and a dam good one at that! not sure if he has an MBA. I know he has a CPA, however you can be a CPA without having a Masters. I think the MAcc is a step above CPA??

I took THREE accounting classes, b1tches! got an A in all of them! Accounting 1, 2, and Accounting Software Use!!!

obv, what i’m worried about is that i will get the job and it will be EVEN WORSE than my current job, which I am starting to think is not so bad, hehehe.

so what do i do THEN???

then i gotta REALLY dig deep in the Social Network. REAL deep.

could i get back in at my current employer? MAYBE. Possibly Maybe, not a Definite Maybe. It’s not like i left them on Bad Terms! It was pretty GOOD terms!

how about you?

heh. it’s not all about me me me me me me me.

heh. I would not mind moving to Poland, Hungary, Czech, Slovak, something in that area. maybe even Romania. if super desperate Bulgaria. but pref those first four. western eastern europe.

heh. like i say, i am running out of friends who can help me out, if this job sucks.

well of COURSE it’s going to SUCK! it’s a JOB!!!!!!!!!!!!!

THIS is why you force you kids to get REAL sucky jobs at age 16: mcd’s, walmart, restaurants. I had a job at that time, but it was an easy fluff sissy job. oh well, better than no job i guess.

heh. maybe he deleted my voice mail accidentally, or it didn’t go through or register. but i saw the phones, they are the same fancy business phones they have everywhere. the place is not total podunk, it has been around for many years, is actually pretty LARGE, i can only imagine how much money the Owner, who I spoke with today, makes. Probably more than a Docker or a Lawyer. good god. it is intimidating to talk to SuperRich Entrepreneurs. Huge Winners.

Of course I can only respect a person with that strong of a force of will. Just a Hardcore, Hard Nosed Business Owner. He SHOULD be serious and intimidating. He has Real Power.

heh. back to writing 3 posts in 1 day.

THE LAZIEST LOSER IN THE WORLD

march 26 wed

yeah son. energy is a big problem again. no energy to do anything. not particularly emotional or angry or sad. just don’t want to do anything. i have time off and i am going to use it napping and watching tv. i swore i would look for a better job, but now i don’t want to look for a new job, and am using any excuse not to. like, well i would like to get promoted to the next level at my sucky job. or it will look a lot better on the res if i’ve been there a year rather than 3 months.

unless i can find a better paying job in the next 4 weeks of layoff. not optimisitc there, hehehe.

get an rx for xanax or ativan or whatever the strongest and cheapest benzo you can get. then take it once every OTHER workday, so you can have a stress free workday 3 out of 5 workdays. and also so you don’t build up too strong of a tolerance to the benzo. if your boss gives you sh1t, just tell them the TRUTH: you have a rx for a benzo, you can SHOW them the RX if you want. here, call the pharmacy if you want, ahole. they can’t FIRE you if it’s prescribed! maybe they can lay you off, and then you get money for free! welfare unemployment! unless you don’t, and you get screwed like I did hehehehehe.

this way you only have 2 stressful days instead of 5. a 60% reduction in stress. I think You will appreciate that!

Now should you “play” on the weekends by getting all benzoed up? and then ruining your tolerance for the week?

no, you should prob switch to w33d on the weekends, hahahahahahahaha.

no, just go into a Staffing Agency wearing Dress Slacks and a Dress Shirt and talk about what a positive attitude you have, what a good work ethic you have, and let them Place you somewhere, and try to last as long as you can until you find a job that doesn’t make you want to blow your brains out. it’s really simple as that.

now some places will never, ever hire you if you have a DUI, which you probably do if you’re a Problem Drinker or have ever been. Today I Learned that you cannot become a Pharmaceutical Sales Rep unless you have a bachelors degree AND do not have a DUI. just to become a SALESMAN. sure, a sales world with Huge Money, but still.

what about generally Good Jobs in general, and you have a DUI? like any Fortune 500 Company? I just don’t know. just put on the dress slacks and go to the staffing agency.

like lets say you were an AUTISTICALLY top 1% good computer programmer and had a DUI, you might be able to still get in at google or microsoft, if you had some ridiculously good Work to back up your skills.

and, if you’re here reading this, then you probably don’t!

well, a lot of Stable Upper and Middle Working Class Jobs Do have Regular Drug Tests, to make sure you’re not ever smoking weed when you get home. and that would certainly show the xanax you’ve been taking. so what do you do? become a raging alcoholic, clearly! And try not to get Felony DUI, but if you do, heck 1 is harmful enough anyway!

No, I am not seriously encouraging you to get FELONIES! I was just being a huge b1tch. just get a legit rx for your xanax and keep taking them. damn i should DO that already.

It would probably be a good idea to try to have S’ual Intercourse at least twice per year, and if you have to pay $300 for a hooker each time, then so be it, it will be worth it, for being great for your health. unless you get aids, but of course you do have control over that. and make the hooker take a shower In Your Presence before you bang her.

NOBODY on tv is normal or regular. They are ALL weirdos and sickos. Similarly, the same with people with Really Good Career Jobs. Don’t compare yourself to these “people”, they are like a different SPECIES altogether!!!!!

It's not easy being 27

the average college grad is not underemployed unless it is their own choosing, their own laziness, them being a loser. choosing to be a lazy loser. hehehehehehehe. yep its true, might as well go k myself. OR HOW ABOUT BETTER YOURSELF? because its too much WORK and EFFORT? yes, yes it is. hehehe.

if you don’t have the energy to do anything, get your doc to change your lazy loser meds. for example if paxil doesn’t work, switch it to prozac, and that might be miraculous, and then you will stop being lazy and start choosing to work hard and better yourself.

heh. ALWAYS I lose to a flush when I have 3 of a kind. ALWAYS. Have lost more money in the past two days……

or a straight I have always will lsoe to flsuh when decent pot. cannot type write good no more.

let me state again i am NOT butthurt about sluts being sluts; I am more Annoyed than anything, when sluts have S with a bunch of other guys, but think they’re too good for ME. THEY’RE the ones slutting it up and defiling themselves! And you can’t defile yourself with ME?

Or when a grill has S with you a few times, then says NOPE YOU’RE DONE, and you still really want to have S with her, but she refuses, and goes off and has S with a bunch of other guys instead. just NOT YOU.

THAT is the major problem with Women being Sluts. When their Sluttiness never works to your advantage. and sometimes it works to your DISadvantage in fact, them rubbing it in your face, like they have a shiny new toy that you can’t have, and you’re never gonna get it.

but the Rational Response to this is, Not All Women Are Like That, indeed they are not, and that I am letting my thoughts be Clouded by these unusually negative women I have had the unfortunate and unusual displeasure of dealing with. most men meet some bad women in their lives, but I have just met MORE, and more horrible ones too.

well. i finally got a flush and won a 5 chip pot. THANK GOD. FINALLY. of course, 40-50% of any pot is just your own money. this is obvious but I wonder how many people forget it. maybe only me, hehehehe.

INTRO pt 8: VITAMIN D, COLLEGE, WOMEN, CAREERS

may 19 2013

uhh so squat pooping. this is almost as controversial as no-soap showering/bathing, not coincidentally i discovered it on a comment thread about no soap.

but something about squatting vs sitting makes Evacuating much more effective AND efficient. you Evacuate More, and more quickly, and more easily, without straining or popping a vein or getting massive hemroidz. all breddy gross stuff. stories about “every doctor has seen at LEAST one case of a guy having a HEART ATTACK WHILE POOPING”. that actually sounds believable.

something about squatting opens up your lower intenstine for a nice straight shot, while sitting bunches it up and invites straining.

sitting vs squatting

again, not the type of thing you Tell Wimmin about. ever. They Just Wouldn’t Understand. But feel free to give it a try if you’re willing and able. Prob easiest if you live alone. See the site of the guy who makes the squatting platform you put on top of your toilet.

or you can just squat over a chamber pot and dump it into the toilet. but you’ll notice there’s only a few inches between your bum and the ground, so it’s gotta be a breddy specific design.

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heh. try not to read too much at once. especially if you read Draining stuff, like Insane Math Textbooks, or Differently Insane Marxist Mumbo Jumbo about Intersectionality and PostColonialism and Colonizing Sociological Spaces (note: The Modern Social Sciences are By Definition not good for one’s mental health anyway!)

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since it’s winter at least 60% of the year and summer at most 40% of the year, when it’s Nice Outside, try to spend as much time outside, because when it’s not nice outside, which is most of the year, you won’t want to go outside AT ALL, AND there won’t be as much sun to give you its Nourishing Vitamin D, which is really good for your body, mind, and soul. If it’s sunny, go out and spend at least an hour a day in that sun. Use sunscreen so you don’t get SKIN CANCER.

It is Much better to be Alone, ForeverAlone, No GF, Nevergf, than to be Stuck With someone you don’t really like, just because you’re desperate and lonely. Choose Being Alone over that. Any day.

Don’t listen to too much negative music. listen to some negative music to get your vent on, but also listen to some positive music. It’s the same as Venting with your writing. up to 49% is ok, but not more. You gotta Temper it. Have something Good in there.

For example, Xasthur is Great Negative music; Led Zeppelin or Grateful Dead is good Positive Music. Just as ONE example.

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If it’s a nice day, not winter, not blistering hot, sun, no rain, and you’re lucky enough to Not Be Working, you should try to go to the park and go for a Two Hour Walk because you will only get 10 days like this per year, hahaha.

If you have a nice park within a 15 minute drive of where you live, don’t ignore it for years and years and years like I did, take advantage of it. Try to go at least once every 2 weeks. If not 2 times in 1 week. Drop out of Sh1tSkool and just work your Underjob and Take Long Walks in the Park instead of Cramming your head with Memorized Math Problems that don’t mean anything.

Heh. And save up the money to buy the “Spivak Calculus” book all the real math lovers swear by. There are apparently good Calculus Textbooks and Bad Calculus Textbooks. The most popular/widely-used ones like Stewart or Larson are probably also the worst when it comes to learning math. Sh1tSkools just use them to process engineers like cattle.

My question is, how does a person become a well-paid Electrical or Mechanical or Computer Engineer and just get by memorizing-not-understanding their calculus and physics?

A Churchgoing Agnostic is much less annoying than a Fedora Atheist.

Try out the Prayer To St Jude. St Jude is the patron saint of losers and other Lost Causes.

Try to be thankful for the good things you DO have, and I can assure you, you DO have some. Just go through the motions of saying “Thank You For X, I am grateful for Y”. Something like you still have a place to LIVE, or you don’t have CANCER, or you’re not in JAIL getting RAEPED. OR you have a Crappy Job and not NO job.

Jobs are NOT like Women / Mates. With the latter, it’s better to have None, than to have a Bad One. But Jobs are Mandatory. You Have No Choice. Accept It. Better to have a Bad One, than No One. Jobs are the Opposite of Mates in this regard.

The Strict Punishment you receive for getting Your First DUI will very well be enough to convince you to Never Drink Again, because you never want to endure that Horror ever again.

Before all the Shrieking MADD Mothers Chime in, yes, you should Call A Cab before you Kill somebody.

Try Meditation. It works for some people. Doesn’t necessarily work for all people. But it’s DEF worth a TRY. just sitting in silence for 10 minutes focusing on breathing in, breathing out, nothing else, for 10 minutes.

If someone you hang out with is Crazy or just a Negative Influence, you have to stop seeing them for the time being. You’ve got enough problems of your own to fix, you don’t need theirs too. Doesn’t mean they’re necessarily an awful person…..although sometimes they ARE!

Don’t worry too much about WOMEN. But that’s easier said than done because Men and Women are breddy well integrated in this society. For example, I am trying to find a Better Paying Job where ideally I would not have to look at Beautiful Young College Age Women all the time. These bodies were Designed By Nature to have Maximum Appeal to Men, for Mating.

You’re prob not MATERIALISTIC to begin with, but if you have had a thought for several years like “gee I bet I’d really enjoy a drumkit or keyboard or laptop computer” then just go ahead and Spoil Yourself just this once, because you probably WILL really enjoy that Thing. For example I had wanted a Laptop Computer for years, so I slowly saved up money and then bought a $200 Refurb from the fairly Reputable Company NewEgg dot com. Even if it Craps Out after One Year, it will have been the most worthwhile thing I bought All Year. Easily.