SHE COULD GET AWAY WITH NOT DEALING WITH IT

yep

sept 11

heh. not to insult the old friends of mine who are unfortuantely, sadly leftist, but……. i just remembered something that happened on our recent reunion that made me shake my head and told me that there was no hope in trying to Turn these people hehehehe.

basically it was simple, just talking about LB Johnson and how he was such a old school white racist who wanted segregation for blacks. it didnt matter that he was huge democrat and the great society and that he might have done more than any one president to turn our once great nation into a marxist progressive antiwhite disgrace. immigration, welfare, etc. they touched on this, but were like, YEAH BUT he was also a huge old school white racist from texas. he wasn’t a real modern democrat….even though he probably did more SJW shit than any modern democrat. all they saw was an evil white racist.

basically they should be worshipping this guy like he was the next MLK! but no, all they see is a white racist!

because he simply LOOKED LIKE a white normie from texas! just a masculine white man with a texas twang. never mind that his policies opened the door to giving BILLIONS to nonwhites!

really I should have said, YEAH BUT dont you think you’re underestimating the effect of the great society? i mean really, isnt LBJ the greatest person for Civil Rights since MLK? do you really think thats fair just to write him off as an evil white racist? he really wasnt old school at all!

i was just caught off guard by the ridiculousness of it, and also my communication skills were compromised by MJ!

and yet these are decent, moral white people parroting this nonsense!

they cant get past LBJ looking like a FOOKING WHITE MALE to realize the pretty obvious truth that he was a YUGE SJW and pretty much sentenced the white race to death hahahahaha. the fact that he has a twangy accent and wasnt a Marxist Community Organizer is enough for them!

and ultimately he went to do one of the single biggest Marxist Actions our country has ever seen!

doesnt matter, cuz he LOOKS like a traditional white family man. so somehow he was a “conservative democrat”. wtf???????

you could not have a more marxist prez if KARL MARX had been prez!!!!!!!!

why the hell would they signal against LBJ of all people?

because in their mind, he represents Traditional Old School White Racists.

EVEN THOUGH HE DIDNT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

in hindsight I should have probed on this absolutely ridiculous discussion, but again, MJ makes me unable to have even simple small talk.

oh and LBJ probably owned a GUN too. he was the type of guy to go HUNTING. and he probably didnt want his daughter to be a race mixing slut. what a racist sexist woman hating black hating bigot racist.

they cant look past these tiny details to see the YUGE OBVIOUS LASTING LEGACY of LBJ!!!!!!

Maybe i am OVERESTIMATING LBJ and the great society pogams in particular.

i mean im sure there were tons of marxist j’s advising him.

hmmmm i have found the new evalion hahahahahah

i bet this channel will be shut down by the time this post posts.

well after 1 minute of inspection she seems less slutty than evalion, but she does have crazy eyes!

not gonna get my hopes up too much here.

but I would wager that shes taken less cox than evalion and might be a better wife and mother.

gonna try to manage expectations tho.

i guess she already did an interview with sinead. i hope sinead does not latch onto her and turn her into even more of a psychopath.

i would feel a lot more comfortable if she (crusader gurl) were doing this with her father or something. what does her father think of all this?

it feeeeels really weird and wrong for very young gurls to get on the frontlines of a very real ideological war. just like with Combat, women SHOULDN’T be doing this. you can support your father or husband or brother who is doing it. make white babies with your white husband. maybe make videos about how awesome being a mother is. and cool it with the hitlers and the swastikas. they make you look like a shill hhahahahahaha.

men can do that, women cant. and even most men dont fathom what theyre getting into when they do that. i say, err on the side of caution and dont go full 1488 until you know exactly what youre getting into. like me hahahaha. and even i dont post hitlers and swastikas. it just looks fishy when a 17 year old gurl on the internet does.

girl on the internet syndrome. beware.

maybe do a show with your strong white boifran. or father.

i should really write to her and try to become her handler. i mean women can REACH alot more people than men. she can get 1000 subscribers in a day where it would take a guy a YEAR. people pay a lot more attention to young purty wimmin. so, tread carefully. she is gonna be under a TON of scrutiny, like evalion, and it didnt take long for evalion to be shut down and probably discredited.

and yes their secs lives ARE relevant, because you want a person with GOOD CHARACTER.

and really….yeah its nice to see women getting into this stuff, but I have NEVER heard something explained MORE profoundly or powerfully by a woman than by a man. NEVER. in other words, a man can ALWAYS say this stuff more persuasively. More Better, hahahahaha.

but the women get more initial views.

and im sure part of it is me being Lonely for a Woman that is Against Race Mixing.

here’s a fun game for you: test women you meet by getting them talking about idris elba or denzel washington. I reckon the MAJORITY of them will take the bait and say DAYUM WHAT A SEXY MAN. MMM HMMMM. I WOULD SUCK HIM OFF RIGHT NOW. I WOULD FOOK HIM ALL NIGHT AND LET HIM BEAT THE SHIT OUT OF ME.

this is a blatant signal that the woman is open to race mixing.

the ideal woman would get uncomfortable talking about secs, would not say anything publicly, then in private, would tell you shes just not into black guys.

just look for any remark where a white woman talks about a black guy being Handsome or Secsy.

if you’re against race-mixing, you JUST WOULDNT DO THAT.

I never talk about how nonwhite women are good looking! because I honestly dont care! I DONT WANT TO RACE MIX!!!!

well there are a couple jooish and maybe indian women i would bang. but they would probably stink like curry!

and also i have fully thought through the implications of having children with them, and that is something i would never want to do!

but yeah, its just not the DOMAIN of cute innocent doe eyed 16 year old gurls to be talking about this stuff!!!!!

KIND OF like how its not the domain of innocent little gurls to be huge cvm guzzling sluts!

well….i say kind of because those are two VERY different things.  i’m just trying to say that young gurls are JUST TOO INNOCENT for this kind of stuff. it’s TOO MUCH for them. it’s not RIGHT for them to be in it.

kind of like a woman forgoing being a wife and mother so she can be a damn CEO.

it’s just not her natural place. its weird and wrong.

so yeah i hope this gurl acts honorably because its SAD to see a qt innocent young white gurl be a DUMPSTER FIRE. just do what michelle k did and Resign. or do what the truth will live did and stop youtube but just do twitter only.

of course TTWL is 100% jooish. but uhhhh she was really qt and had great alt right ideas and was converting to Catholic. real interesting case.

but yeah its DISTRACTING unless you have your OWN alt right waifu. and probably most waifus could be MADE alt right with your firm, fair guidance.

this crusader gurl looks like a purer, more innocent, lower number gurl than evalion, and i dont want to see another young white girl turn into a dumpster fire for the whole internet to see.

dont look for a gurl with political opinions. find a gurl with basically no political opinions, but who has deep moral opinions about not being a slut, about not fooking blacks, about not murdering her babies. that’s all you need. and finding that will be difficult enough!

heh i am actually tempted to write this girl a message because she might actually read it now, rather than 2 weeks from now, when she has EXPLODED in popularity.

well, sinead has probably already told her how horrible TRS is.

basically TRS needs to take this girl under their wing and use her as a TRS propaganda person. TRS are good, strong, smart men. I trust them hehehe.

hehehe

https://www.reddit.com/r/talesfromtechsupport/

https://voat.co/v/talesfromtechsupport

also i saw some bitch saying that its normal for a 30 year old man to take only 6 months to get over a 2 year relship. yeah maybe if you are some sociopath who just views people as bags of meat, BITCH!

http://www.loveshack.org/forums/

loveshack has like 1700 people on it right now, relship forums has like 400 tops. go with loveshack. i am looking for something with a LOT of people.

http://www.loveshack.org/forums/transitioning/friends-lovers/

plus they have a great subforum that is all about That Gray Area where you might be becoming more than friends, or wanting to.

yep the big 400th job app.  next it will be the big 500th hahahaha.

http://archive.is/fdCUL

How to Choose a Wife in a Feminist Society by PA

good blogger, i should directly link to him, got a good alt right racist white mind. i just dont want anyone to know i link to them. go look at his blog and give him a dollar hahahaha.

twitter can be fun sometimes

oh yeah this one was florian geyer. well he doesnt really use it. and his NRx blog only has 2 posts. i was looking to try to find the origin story on this guy cuz i like him. he is great. he is very smart and very funny and will be a great priest but he should have some keeids tho.

here is a guy that is on the fatherland sometimes, seems like a real good guy, and he does a pro family podcast with his WIFE. should prob check that out at some point.

sept 12

welp, was very decisive about getting a haircut today, even though probably didnt really NEED it…..but previous i usually waited TOO long, and today i just wanted to be decisive and get a haircut fairly earlier than last time, PLUS whenever i get a haircut, it boosts confidence, so, really no risk, high reward. waited 66 days this time, 9 weeks or so. this isnt TOO early, I dont think.

had ridiculously disturbing dream with HER in it and it just gets worse. i was bitching at her like  a little bitch, please stop avoiding and ignoring me, just hang out with me already, don’t dump me LIKE THIS, and getting really bitchy and passive aggressive about it, then she was like FINE. FINE. what do you want from me. and then she got up on this ladder or lege or something about 14 feet off the ground and dove headfirst into the ground, grotesquely breaking her own head and neck. absolutely horrifying. that’s not what i was asking for!!!!!! i just wanted to sit down and have an hourlong private talk!!!!

there was an implication that some other guy was also heartbroken and HE had K’d himself the same way, diving headfirst into the ground.

also in another part of the dream, I was grotesquely deformed, like missing half my face, and also that side of my body was all grotestquely deformed. naturally people reacted to the sight of me with horror.  I couldn’t really see myself though, and I didn’t really FEEL horrific.

then I met a qt young woman who was nice to me, did not react with horror, and I wondered, wow, did I miraculously get better somehow? do I really look normal now? or is she just super nice?

so yeah, lot of symbolism there hahahahahahahaha.

and then it went into that super disturbing part with HER and the neck breaking etc. good god how does my brain come up with this horror.

so yeah i am surprised i was not MORE affected by the dream (nightmare!!!!!) but I guess forcing myself to get out and get haircut helped with that.

also in the dream she seemed like a different person. it sorta looked like her, but a more crazy, unstable, bitchy, evil version of her.

basically she did what she did because:

  1. she didnt have Special Feelings for me
  2. She could Get Away with Not Dealing with it.

PERIOD.

some things you are FORCED to deal with. you cant escape from them. this was not one of those things.

i bet she DID feel bad about hurting me. but she did not HAVE to deal with it….so she didn’t. The End. Period. Thats All Folks. That’s ALL it boils down to. I bet she DID feel bad. (Im sure she’s gotten over that LONG ago, though)

2pm sept 2

sheeeeeeeit. sitting at car dealership, they have free wifi thank god. look like a real phaggot wiht muh laptop but this is gonna take at LEAST 90 minutes.

hope nobody steals mh password who is out there packet sniffing hahahahahah.

321 pm

wow that was quick. they said 90 minutes, i expected 2 hours, and i was out of there within 1 hour.

there was a young arab girl reading a Yuge Law Skool Torts Textbook. Good for her going to Law Skool. She looked very bitchy and high maintenance but young and bangable and in Healthy BMI range. not that I advocate Race Mixing but I would bang her if i had to. would not make babies with, OBVIOUSLY!!!!!!

why am i saying this? i guess to get a pity party for my desperation, to describe my desparation, that i would rather bang a healthy young nonwhite than a fat ugly unhealthy white hahahahaha. but i would never BRAG about it or RECOMMEND it hahahahaha.

 

 

THE MOTHER OF ALL NEGATIVE THOUGHTS

aug 23

sheeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeit. had a dream with small part from this tall qt young girl we used to work with. when she first came on, i was like, this girl is like a better version of that woman. prettier, younger, i should focus on her, to try to forget about that woman. who knows if she were nicer, but that woman had stopped being nice to me anyway. she seemed a LITTLE bitchy and obnoxious.

anyway the point is, ANY woman can be nice to you if they WANT, AND if a qt young woman is being NICE to you, you will forget about the other woman who was nice to you once and you cant seem to get over. its not hard or rare to be nice. they just have to be WILLING to be nice. which for me is pretty rare hahahaha.

anyway i think in the dream i was trying to muster up the courage to sit next to the qt gurl and start talking to her confidently. see if she was willing to be nice to me or a huge bitch hahahaha. ultimately i never did. well at least THAT WOMAN wasnt in the dream. and it made the point that I COULD get over her and move on from her and feel something for another woman some day, the main things is that they are young and pretty, and that they are being NICE to me. shit even a slut mudshark could get me to like her that way. an attractive woman being NICE to you goes a LONNNNNNNNNNNGGGGGGGGGGGGG way. you wouldnt even believe it. but believe me. it is a VERY powerful thing that will quickly melt your heart of ice.

and yeah it does help a lot when you find the woman attractive. vs, i dunno, do i want to settle for this possibly-unacceptable level of attractiveness, she’s not very attractive at all.

yeah i really wanted to KNOCK IT OUT OF THE PARK on the tech job interview yesterday, but I did not. I mean i didnt do super horrible, i did about average considering, but i wish they had an hour instead of 45 minutes. cuz i was rushing through every answer, couldnt quite think straight, def lost some confidence and it showed.

well they were only interviewing 3 people not 10 people, so i have a better chance, right?

is the county that busy they have to rush interviews as quickly as possible? i dont think so. my prev employer was that busy. because we were SLAMMED all day every day and kept things LEAN. now the university i really want to get into, they had hourlong plus interviews. somewhat relaxed, or least the idea they could take as long as they wanted to interview someone, and let them talk.

i dunno, just so much that doesnt make sense, doesnt add up, and you will never make sense or get your closure, and you have to accept that some things will never make sense. just let it go.

yeah but when its your JOB to make SENSE of shit….. well do you REALLY need ot make actual sense of it, or can you just BULLSHIT something to your customer or to your Team Leader. mm hmmm.

so yeah i did not knock it out of the park. also i was just caught off guard by that weird aborted interview earlier in the day.

i mean how would a normie handle that? heh normies dont even get into these situations because they are HAVES who HAVE jobs, HAVE been gainfully employed for years, HAVE a wife who gives them some effort and loyalty. hehehehe. she might bitch and nag but she hasnt LEFT them yet.

you might hate it when she bitches and NAGS and is not nice to you…..but how would you react if she just LEFT you without a word and you never heard from her again?

be happy when she nags you because it means shes not willing to LEAVE you….yet hahahahahahahaha. oh this is horrible woman worshipping white knighting. better man up guys! be THANKFUL your wife is JUST a nag!

no the woman SHOULD be MATURE about it and realize nagging never works, its passive aggressive immature bullshit…..but there you have the unrealistic expectation that a woman should be an adult, specifically should handle conflict in a rel like an adult. this is like asking uncle adi to luv the joos hahahaha. like asking ME to luv joos hahahaha. not gonna happen. i hope it never happens hahahaha.  like asking a crusader to luv the muslim swine trying to invade his europe and rape his european women.  of course thats exactly whats happening now. but these weak pathetic feminized men are not CRUSADERS in any sense! they are literal CUCKS!

unlike a REAL cuck, i never liked being cucked, or even the suggestion of. it always made me fly into a Righteous Rage, and this is the proper response, so I’m glad I still have that.

this god damn office assistant job for the trucking company KEEPS getting posted every few weeks, open for a few days, get 400 more applications, it goes away for a few weeks, comes back and get 400 more applications…..its frustrating because i want to know what the fok they are DOING here.

maybe all the thousands of people applying are desperate and they are holding out for the Perfect Candidate. well they dont want a harvard grad, they want someone super young who is currently going to harvard. not gonna happen. so they want say maybe a second year undergrad at [local univ] who is doing a useful degree, getting 4.0, is 19 or 20 years old, has VERY good people skills, is VERY attractive, but prob want a smart man who will actually get stuff done, was an eagle scout, probably the type of go getters who go to naval academy or west point, ok how about they are big at ROTC at local university then, cuz again, if they are west point, they cant work here.

so that would be their perfect candidate then: a 20 year old halfwhite attractive tall male, eagle scout, honors student at local university, ROTC, business and or engineering, very charismatic and confident and mature.

i have sent in 2 or 3 applications to this company for this job or jobs very much like it.

maybe they have a database so they can see how many times a person applied. and if you get to like 10 or 20, then you get an interview. assuming you are not the perfect candidate described above. they havent found him yet, otherwise they would fill the position and stop posting.

or maybe they fill it, and the job is so stupid, the person quits. or is fired. and they have to hire someone again. but why not just go back to the pool of 1000 applicants? because its worth it to spend the time accepting 1000 NEW applicants so you can Cultivate the strongest pool ever? why do they NEED MOAR APPLICANTS when they aleady have like 2000????!?!?!?!?!!??!?!

it will never make sense, dont try to make sense out of it, dont get angry hahahahaha.

go for powerwalk in peak sun today, call chemical testing guy when i get back. maybe my Market Value is good enough for one call, but certainly not Phone Tag.

i mean why not just email me? I’ve had interviews set up via email, no one ever talked to me for even 1 minute.

my resume has had my correct email on it for like 10 years hahahaha. he has my email.

maybe when i send in my shit for the third time for this trucking company, which i think is a subsidiary of a very shady local trucking company that has a reputation for horrible service and very unhappy customers and is probably just a front for money laundering hahahahaha. anyway i will do something disruptive with muh cover letter and really make it jump out at them and show what a value add i am, than my usual form cover letter that its obvious i am using to apply to 500 jobs. but seriously, i modify each cover letter with statements referring to the company’s mission and vision hahaha. i really do. i look up the mission and vision statement and use some marketingspeak taken from the company’s own website. i am PASSIONATE about serving the LTL Logistics needs of your clients and being on the leading edge etc.

i would say most normies go through 5 to 10 interviews before getting a decent job. they don’t know the pain of doing 20 to 30 interviews hehehehe. a more protracted, prolonged struggle. twice the rejection, twice the time.

heh imagine if i actually approached women the way i do job searching. at least with jobs i actually submit the shit and go on interviews. with women i dont even Women Search on OK cupid or whatever, go out on dates, and get rejected. i might actually have some success if i did!

called the guy from testing company again, voice mail again. i left voice message yesterday, giving him muh email address and Mobile phone number. i am not gonna leave him a second voice mail!

but yeah that stupid fake interview at the hospital, i guess that ended up really grinding my gears and discouraging me. like how could you be MORE insulting that continually rejecting me. oh. how about finally inviting me to an interview, and then essentially aborting the interview during the first question and saying i shouldnt apply to just anything because im desperate. god damn. what did they tell the black 19 year old gurl that talked like an unprivileged savage hahahaha.  well they probably said she was just perfect for this job.

i guess in order to make 11 dollars an hour i HAVE to go to walmart or mcd’s. because the places that have Boring, Stressless 11 dollar an hour part time jobs want a very specific kind of person.

so i think about that woman a lot, not as much as i used to thank god, but i know i SHOULDNT. but i cant help myself. i think about how shes doing, what shes doing with her life, not just because i was in luv with her, but because she was an actual part of my life. this comes from being friends for 3 years. then the person is GONE, and you cant help but miss them and think of them sometimes. i wonder what so and so is doing.

i am sure she has HAD to have had a few thoughts like that about me. and then what does she tell herself about that? probably something like Oh. Sigh. That was just pathetic. i guess i hope he’s doing well but he was at such a pathetic place in his life. hes got to really work on his career and not get so heartbroken over women. i mean shit hes 35 years old, he has to get a plan for his life to accomplish something. so sad. he was a nice guy but SO SAD.

well at least ive gotten over the idea that she hates me and thinks i betrayed her!!!!!

now she just goes AW. HOW SAD. SMH. nice guy, but SO SAD. So Pathetic. I hope for his sake he moves on. Ive moved on. Im doing well. he was a mess. i hope he gets the help he needs. I couldnt deal with that. he was a good friend but could you IMAGINE me and him DATING!! PSHAW! How could he GET such a ridiculous idea! what a sad, pathetic loser. sometimes you need to Let Go of those sorts of Negative People in your life.

WHAT A WAY TO BE REMEMBERED! WAY TO BE THAT GUY hahahaha.

i mean shit. if anyone deserves to be emotionally compromised its me. dont get SO emotional about someone LIKING you. just be like welp i dont return his feelings but its not the end of the world. people get feelings for each other. just like i had feelings for those other guys. it happens. its not so ridiculous or out of bounds. we were good friends and then i guess something in him changed. its pretty understandable and unsurprising.

i dunno maybe that IS what she ultimately thought. I’LL NEVER KNOW.

i might be sad and pathetic, but i dont want to be REMEMBERED LIKE THAT by people i used to be friends with. who got to know The Real Me and saw that I wasnt totally Sad and Pathetic, but a Good Person.

i had this female friend when i was younger and i never fell in luv with her, and she was always very nice to me, and she had genuine concern and whatnot for me, wanted me to find a nice woman who didnt leave me in the lurch. but i kept picking the wrong women, getting involved with the wrong women. i guess my picker is broken.

its only 50% broken at most though! soon after i picked another woman and my female friend said yeah she’s great, it would be SO CUTEEEEEEEE if you two got together, and i was like yeah see my pickers not broken, i can find a good solid woman whos not a crazy child, yes she would be great for me wouldnt she? and i indeed liked the woman and she was nice to me too, but we never got much of a chance to hang out because we never lived less than 70 miles away, then the woman moved like 500 miles away hahahaha.  if we ever lived in the same town, i would have DEFINITELY gone all in with her.

so yeah my picker is not totally fooked. indeed i still think i picked a good woman with that woman. i just had no idea she would disappoint me THIS bad.

anyway that previous female friend, she expressed concern that i was becoming a hateful neo nazi white supremist. So I Walked It Back and said naaaaahhhhh dont worry, this is just a phase, i dont hate anybody, dont worry about it, you know i investigate all this edgy transgressive shit, dont worry.  and then i went on becoming an even more avowed racist and nazi and huhwhyte supreemist hahaha, but essentially just didnt tell her about it hahahahaha. i figured it wasn’t worth losing friends over, and she was/is a great person, and i didn’t want to push her away for something she would never understand.

anyway i hope she is doing well. she was doing some kind of masters degree at a decent skool in a big important city. she will be just fine. i mean yeah i wish she’d get married already cuz she’s not getting any younger. but I remember when she was under 21! I could never date her because she has a pozzed jooish view of dating hahahaha. but we got along as friends very well believe it or not. at the time she was in a monogamous, fairly healthy relship with a man who eventually became a fairly good friend, a great guy, i got along with him really well and had quite the mancrush on him. i would be very happy if she had gotten married to him. he was a really cool guy. he was hilarious, ridiculously smart, great taste in music, really good guitar player and singer. i wish he hadnt done his phd in total marxism! he was not a phaggy feminine whiny shitlib at all. just a very kewl guy. i wish him nothing but the best. i hope he finds a nice white wife and has many brilliant white children. when you say phd at known leftist univ in jooish theory, you think of the worst type of person. but he was honestly the best type of person, and too GOOD to do what he’s doing. but at the time i was very impressed by the Intellectual Masturbation over foucault and deleuze and i dont fooking know. zizek and adorno and marcuse and pure frankfurt skool jooish trash. i knew nothing of the frankfurt skool at the time. i just liked hanging out with Real Intellectual Philosophers! but the people I knew were honestly good, great, moral people. in hindsight its disappointing they studied the degen shit they did. but they probably didnt realize it any better than i did.

applied for 6 jobs today but after like 6 days of no job apps, my numbers are DISMAL AND ABYSMAL.

anyway i will just try to forget i met with that woman on monday and had that weird, annoying abortion of an interview. just keep applying for jobs there. in fact i applied for one there today hahahaha.

my suit looks good now, but the white dress shirt is honestly a little bit BIG. maybe i am getting rejected now because the dress shirt is a little big. suits fine now, but now the shirt is fooked up hahahaha.

or maybe they can tell muh black dress shoes are 30 dollar pieces of plastic shit hahahahaha. and i am not wearing 500 dollar italian leather shoes.

maybe my plain black hanes socks are too boring hahahaha.

they are looking at my shoes and socks hahaha.

maybe i had a stray nose hair. maybe i need a haircut. i mean i am getting close to needing one. it has been 46 days. its all on muh days since spreadsheet hahahaha.

sheeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeit.

372 days since i sent the last email to that woman!

yes i definitely AM making progress, i dont think about her NEARLY as much, well i still think about her every day, but the thoughts seem a lot more distant, faded, not as vivid. one day i will be all emotioned out regarding her. and if i met a nice young qt gurl right now who was being nice and friendly to me, that would definitely help me forget all about that woman.

“make women good again” is just an old title i had laying around. basically meaning women were ONCE good, and with proper masculine leadership, we can raise a new generation of good women. but you leave women to their own devices, and they turn not good. they need the guidance and influence of strong, good men to stay on the good path. otherwise its pandoras box is opened. road to ruin. men don’t decompose or dissolve or entropy or DEGENERATE as naturally as women do. they dont need as much constraint. its JUST THE WAY IT IS. ITS NATURE. Nature NEEDS weak childlike stupid immature women so they can get pregnant as quickly and as much as possible. period. accept it. you dont have to like it. but accept it or become a foreveralone loveless virgin.

why not make women GREAT again? because i dont even need great. i just want GOOD. GOOD is GOOD ENOUGH for me. just good moral adults. lets get to GOOD first before we even THINK about “great.”

aug 24

yeah it is kinda infuriating to see the same jobs, same company, same location, being posted over and over again. you think, yeah i remember this job because it seemed like a decent entry level job that i could actually see myself doing, so it jumped out at me and i marked it APPLYYYYYYYY and i applied for it asap. now, 3, 4 weeks later, its back. i apply again if i can. sometimes it says ive already applied for the job. i actually prefer this because it means they arent getting duplicate people. but its like how many fookin applications do you need to get for this fookin job….unless you dont really plan on hiring anybody in the near future. then posting shit like this is like a perfect waifu teasing you and leading you on. i just wanted muh 12 dollar an hour full time data entry job, 8 to 5, close to home, no weekends!

heh. i kinda want that woman to experience some of this frustration and failure and rejection. not be making decent money. yeah but its a shitty phone calls cust serv job. yeah but shes probably a level 2 by now and doesnt need to answer phones. she can just give shitty advice to the people who do have to answer phones. “idk figure it out but dont escalate it.” “idk do the same thing youve been doing over and over again and maybe it will work this time” no matter if its been an hour on the call.

besides some of the level 2s still had to make calls and fix the super confusing stuff and then talk to the people about it.

i mean she doesnt have the brains to fix super confusing shit! shes not THAT smart! why should SHE be making 16 dollars an hour hahaha. she only has an ASSOCIATES degree in a field just as useless as mine! and from a 600000000 times less prestigious skool! and yet she is 14888888 years younger than me and doing 90000000 times better than me! even though shes a cowardly immature idiot race traitor white trash MJ addict!!!!!!

the voice of butthurt hahahaha. virgin wizard neet butthurt. well you would prob be butthurt too, is my point.

well at least i seem to be losing weight again. i dont really NEED to though! i have to cut the calories down to an unhealthy 1100 a day hahahaha. its ridiculous because i LUV food and i LUV to eat.

but yeah. sheeeeeeit. monday should have been a good day with the two interviews but it really kinda sucked and both interviews sucked. my vril was compromised by the first weird interview, then i performed shitty in the second interview, where i really really wanted to dig deep and do super well, and i did not. i mean i didnt do super bad….but just doing average or ok is really MEDIOCRE and I wanted to be SUPER GOOD. not just average, because average is not gonna get that fairly awesome job. for that job, i would totally answer the phones 50% of the shift. maybe even 60%.

heh i really SHOULD start LIFTING. they say it really IS good for testosterone, confidence, and i need those things like i need the air i breathe. because i am at a deficit. i dont have Confidence Privilege. its not part of my Head Start that confident normies get hahahahaha.

heh. really my severe lack of confidence pretty much cancels out all the white privilege i have hahahaha. white, male, good family, all the opportunities in the world. my confidence and i guess energy level and will are just THAT weak.

sheeeeeeit. if that first interview would have gone better, then the second interview might have gone better. and the second interview was the one that REALLY MATTERED. this is why i dont like 2 interviews in 1 day hahahaha. i mean at least i can say i DID it, like a real bigboy, youre not a human being if you havent done 2 interviews in 1 day, but still. i fooked up the important one and i am not happy about that.

it wasnt even a specific mistake. it was just seeming nervous and on edge and coming from a position of WEAKNESS and DESPERATION. also i struggled to think of the most in depth case of PC troubleshooting I had done. i guess i could try to meditate on that.

well at least i have been good about not looking up that woman on linkedin. well she would SEE that I visited her profile. unless she has it on limited privacy. in which case i wouldnt see her name if she visited MY profile. not gonna lie, i kinda want her to visit my profile, because it would prove ot me that she is thinking about me. as i am thinking about her every damn day and cant stop.

yeah i think about her FREQUENTLY, but the INTENSITY is definitely lower. the vividness, the power. that is honestly a signif improvement.

so yeah its kinda creepy to think about her every day…..but ive thought about her every day since it happened and at least the thoughts are less awful, less intense, less vivid, less important, less severe. tbh that is great and i am thankful for the progress. but it will still be a while before i can go a whole day without thinking of her at all! at least another year!

went to dsw shoe store, they had some good stuff on the website, but at the actual store, it sucked balls. everything was too expensive and they didnt have the things i liked on the website. i left without wasting any money hehehehe. thankfully the sales people were not aggressive and sleazy. a combination of young kids and downsized middle aged white men with masters degrees from second tier schools and 20 years of experience at second tier companies hahaha.

no the employees were fine, the store was clean and everything, they just did not match up with the website very well. i was considering getting a pair of Plain Black Crocs but they had very few Crocs, and they were brown. come on.

well time to get back on the horse. but i am thinking its gonna be more like 25 interviews rather than 20 interview before i finally get a job hahaha. at 30 i officially start getting Discouraged hahaha.

thats what i should have said to the hospital people. no, i’m not desperate, i’m DISCOURAGED. theres a difference. Actually there isnt hahahahahaha. well yes there is: discouraged dont even apply to jobs or go on interviews. so yes i AM desperate. i am just trying not to use that word.

heh. i should have never left muh job in late 2013. but me and THAT WOMAN were talking alot about jobs and she could get us in at this ridic job. i said, welp, ive been here too long and i need to force myself to do something new, and this just fell into my lap, kinda a sign from GOD, might as well listen to GOD. and then i went with her to the new job and the new job sucked and my relship with her went down in flames and the job went down in flames and now i have been a big neet loser for over a year hahahaha and cant get another job.

if i had just stayed in my comfort zone, none of this horrible shit would have happened hahahahaha.

before everything went wrong with her though, i thought well this is good. she is helping me GROW and DEVELOP and get OUT of my comfort zone and actually DO something with my life. and it turned out to be a huge shit sandwich hahaha. i wish i hadnt done it. i could still be makin 11 grand a year at the old place hahahaha.

yet if the county job called me back and said you got the job, that would change my whole life. 180. i would go from neet loser to gainfully employed winner. i would go from being too shitty for a gurl like her, to being way too good for a piece o white trash like her. its stupid our stupid jobs have such power over our lives like that. and how we view ourselves, and how OTHERS view us too.  but thats just the way it is. you can get butthurt about it and be a neet virgin loser the rest of your life, or you can accept it, and work hard to become a white winner.

never buy an epson xp 200 printer, or probably any “reasonably priced” epson printer, becuase they will totally joo you with the ink cartridges.

  1. the cartridges dont print a lot. like maybe 200 pages for 1 black cart which is 13 dollars.
  2. they only print with epson brand, not store brand made to be copatible witn epson.
  3. if you run out of blue OR yellow OR cyan, you cant even print in Black Only. even if you have a full black cart.

fook epson, those joos.

trump is getting a lot of blowback and his approval rating is probably at or near its lowest, and the media is even suggesting that hillary will win by 9 points. times are tuff. dismal.

an official story on fox news tv on the alt right. jared taylor being approached by fox joos. and of course milo phaggopolis. jared taylor is all right but milo is cancer hahaha. anyway i guess this is what they are saying are the leaders of the alt right hahaha. well we all know NATT is the TRVE leader of the alt right hahahaha.  but supposedly shillary is supposed to make a speech soon directly talking about the alt right.

i mean this is basically My Movement. its what i identify as being a part of. i consume something TRS related mostly every day.

i dont mind being lumped in with jared (tho he needs to stop cucking for da joos) but i do not want to be lumped in with that degen subverter milo. into the OVEN he goes.

contacted about phone screen by company HR. turns out woman is 9-10 years younger than me and went to alma maters Main Rival where she is a True Fan. OOSH. these are the type of idiots i am supposed to be the manager of hahaha. now i am trying to kiss the ass of Children who went to the school that our school saw as Goofus to our Gallant! kissing the ass of Idiot Children so I can get a $12 to $16 dollar an hour job hahahahaha. she didnt have to do that because she had a better resume, including internships and study abroad, so she was able to start her career immediately after college like a good successful normie. clearly she didnt have any Emotional Problems hahahahahahahaha.

http://pastebin.com/wTMfXxcF

Make Up Your Mind — Am I Overqualified Or Underqualified? via @forbes http://www.forbes.com/sites/lizryan/2016/08/23/make-up-your-mind-am-i-overqualified-or-underqualified/#24a6060f62e7

possibly interesting “advice.” make sure you write them a BUSINESS PAIN LETTER!!!!! i forgot about PAIN POINTS!!!!!

what happens if you cant help any businesses pain points hahahahaha.

fookin pain points. kiss mah ass.

http://www.forbes.com/sites/lizryan/2016/08/09/five-red-flags-that-scream-dont-hire-this-person/2/#509dbd4b7a7a

heh yes she IS “AN HR PERSON” hahahaha. by god these women exist. the woman who just emailed me is definitely one. the one that emails me about county job and sits in at my county job interviews is definitely one. perky, bubbly women that like to be smart college grad young professionals. shit the county hr woman is SIX years OLDER than me and she still looks GOOD! she almost looks younger than ME!

they are usually in good shape. they are usually friendly and have high verbal intelligence. but I would not trust any of these women for ONE SECOND in a Relationship.

they seem like big sluts and catladies who could rationalize anything and eventually lose interest in all but the top 1% of alpha men, probably the Upper Managers and Directors they are working to Source Talent To.

they get bachelors degrees specifically in human resources or communications or Talent Acquisition or Organizational Studies.  sometimes even from rather respectable state schools. second tier schools as opposed to third tier toilets like….. McAllen City State University or something. East Kansas City University. not a tenth tier toilet like Phoenix or something, and really, perfectly fine normie schools which I should have gone to because I could have gotten a god damn full ride scholarship. but i thought, noooooo, i can get into the PRESTIGIOUS school. meanwhile MANY people who went to that “shitty” local university were i could have gotten a full ride, are MUCH MUCH MUCCHHHHHHH more successful than me. at a much younger age hahahaha.

lotta regrets. shoulda done a lot differently. cant believe i wasted at least 33% of my life so far hahahaha.

ok i think i may end up liking the other gris album a bit better, at least early on, than their 2013 album . that bass sound is just too much to handle right now. i need more prominent guitar. and thankfully their singer sounds about as good on this 2007 album too. want something a little more blatantly balck metaly.

and DONT FORGET their 2006 or 5 album “neurasthenie” or something when they were known as niflheim (not to be confused with nifelheim hahahaha)

although 2 hourlong albums in 2 years seems like a lot…..but then they took a 6 year break. i wonder what kind of shitty jobs these guys work hahahaha. do they have degenerate tattoos. do they do drugs or drink. do they cheat on their GFs. are they neet virgins who live with their moms like me hahahahahahahaha.

i was driving yesterday and looked in the rearview and there was a 50 year old white man driving with two dogs in the car and it really looked like he was Smokin a J

good god i folded but if i had stayed in i would have gotten QUADS. 88 hole cards, no 8’s on the flop, and then turn and river were 8 and 8. sheeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeit.

anyway he was smokin a J and i got a good feeling from that. because he looked like a total normie and not a huge degenerate. if it were some black thug smoking a blunt, i would think DEGENERATE. GET OUT OF MUH TOWN. or some white trash covered in tattoos. but when it was a normie middle aged white guy, that was ok.

interesting reaction. so is MJ INHERENTLY degenerate? i mean its definitely risky. very few people can smoke it WITHOUT being degenerate. a lot of whites who do smoke it are degen. so i can really ADVOCATE it. except for myself. and for white winners. which i am not!!!!

also smokin it while driving is prob a bad idea. but so many Stoners do just that. smoke and drive all the damn time. I cant BELIEVE this doesnt cause ANY accidents. stoners that would be horrified at drinking and driving smoke and drive EVERY DAY.

IMHO this is wrong. i think it prob does impair your driving. of course i sm0ked and drove a decent number of times. because i was selfish and nihilistic and thought i was above the law and that i’d never get caught, just like i thought when driving DRUNK. and i drove DRUNK many times and eventually was caught. served me right. i shouldnt have driven SO drunk SO many times. but you know when you s0ke a ton of MJ and your heart is racing and it feels like you are running in a dream, quicksand, how can you possibly drive normally.

i mean yeah its probably BETTER for driving than being RAGING drunk. obviously a lot of that DUI stuff is revenue generation for the city and county. and the fines and sentences for DUI should be laxer like they were in the 70s hahahaha. and they should expunge that from your record at least.

hmmm should i go to this opeth show. last time i was going to see them was they were touring with katatonia for the heritage album. that album sucked but i like katatonia and it seemed a good idea to see both bands in this venue with some friends. we got there and it was SOLD OUT before we could get tickets. that was pretty disappointing. shit that was at least 5 years ago.

i never listened to the album they did after heritage but i hear it was a lot better. now they have this new album “sorceress” which isnt even OUT yet.

akerfeldt said some of the record was inspired by luv gone wrong, problems he had with women, but nothing in particular? i was hoping it was something in particular, like a bad breakup with his WIFE, the mother of his children. i know he got married like 10+ years ago and had some kids, but he could be divorced by now.  maybe he is a huge deadbeat and how the hell can he be a good father while touring all the time. but he doesnt tour all the time.  i dunno. i hope he’s not a deadbeat, for the sake of his children. i am sure he is not alt right or racially woke though.

but he is determined enough to make his music his career, and that is NOT easy. he does VERY well. he can support himself and his family.

but 99% of musicians are degenerates! i just want some reassurance that he is a good father, cuz thats all that matters. matters a lot more than any music hes made in the past 15 years hahahahahahaha.

now i remember when damnation came out in 2002 or 03. that was EXCITING. hahahaha.

or spine chilling moments on old albums like orchid or my arms your hearse. for a while i thought my arms your hearse was the best album ever. it is still a great album.

blackwater park. also a great album. no joke.

never did a PHONE interview before. maybe its a german thing. oh yeah its a german company that does tech stuff for cars. infotainment computers and shit. much better than the asians who do a similar thing.  i will work for whites but not yellows hahahaha. speaking of those yellows never called me back for a second interview! i was starting to warm up to the idea of that job.

it would be great to do shitty on the 15 minute phone interview and then never get invited in for an actual interview.

actually 15 minute phone interview, i can see how that could be very useful. you do get a better sense of the person when you are actually talking to them. well…..maybe. maybe. i mean…..do i do better on the phone or in person? i think for interviews…..well shit. when i was doing my old job, taking phone calls, in those circumstances, i would have rather talked to my callers face to face. then i felt they might be nicer to me. but when they are evaluating you for a job….well you want them to be nice too!

but at the same time, i feel the same information you can get from a 45 minute interview can be gotten from a 15 minute phone call. then you feel less pressure definitely.

where are all the fookin entry level 14 dollar and hour fulltime jobs? why does everything have to be a damn big important 40k or 50k job?

where are the ENTRY LEVEL jobs?

this job was described as kind of an entry level job.

fook. my confidence is just pretty low after that clusterfook of 2 bad interviews on one day.

and now i feel like i have crossed the rubicon, that i have officially been unemployed for SO LONG, that i am like CANCER to any employer. they might be able to overlook a gap of 3 months. maybe 6 months. but not a god damn YEAR.

well george feels’s dad got a job after THREE year gap. but he was a Medical Doctor in ukraine hahahaha. was he really a medical doctor tho? and why isnt george smoking legal MJ???

so i will be sitting there in the interview just thinking about THE GAP. talk about a confidence KILLER.

becomes a vicious circle. people wont hire you because the GAP is too long. then you go on interview after interview after interview. get hopes up, get discouraged. 15 interviews. 20 interviews. 25 interviews. 350 applications. 400 applications. 500 applications. 9 months. 12 months. 14 months. 16 months. see what i mean?

instead of getting hopeful, like yep keep plugging away and be determined and good things will happen, power thru those 25 interviews and you will get there eventually…….. those optimistic thoughts begin to be countered with

THE MOTHER OF ALL NEGATIVE THOUGHTS:

THE LONGER YOU STAY UNEMPLOYED, THE WORSE YOU LOOK TO EMPLOYERS.

The LESS of a chance you have to get a job. sure, persistence is good, but not good ENOUGH to cancel out the effect of TIME, the lengthening GAP, making your value WORSE and WORSE and WORSE.

well i guess the REAL mother of all negative thoughts is, i have to K self right now hahahahaha. thank GOD i dont get that.

For me, its more like

I CANT HANDLE THIS I NEED TO QUIT MUH JOB RIGHT NOW

hahahahahahahahahaha.

thats not as bad as k’ing yourself. but you do flush an ENTIRE FOOKING YEAR of you LIFE down the CRAPPER. gone with NOTHING to show for it.

well thats not true. i have done like 40 hours of work on this job search hahahaha.

CORRECTION: i have done 33 hours of job APPLYING fron july 1 to aug 24. that does NOT count time looking for jobs, which DOES take time which i have not measured, and does not measure the 230 jobs before i started The Spreadsheet. ok, thats 230 jobs times 12.6 minutes per application, div by 60 to get hours, well there’s 48.3 hours of applications, plus 33, sheeeit thts like 81 hours of applying since april. well, march 28 i really started. almost 5 months ago hehehehe. 5 months to get 81 hours? WEAK! should be 40 hours a week every week! 160 hours a month!

well im just buttmad that people in 1975 didnt have to put in 80 hours of jobsearching jsut to find an average job.

also lets count 17 hours for 17 interviews hehehehehe. and about 40 hours for FINDING the jobs. so really i am at 137 hours hehehehe.

REALLY I should time my sessions of FINDING the jobs. JUST FINDING, NOT applying. like do it in 30 minute chunks because it is worse than mind numbing, it is mind and soul destroying hahahahaha.

 

 

BEING A GOOD PERSON DOESNT MEAN SH1T IN THE MATING MARKET

but it really SHOUDL hahahaha. also also in the job market for that matter. I mean it DOES really matter to me, and for the state of your soul. and it matters with your friends and family.  it just doesnt matter with women or jobs. and those are two VERY important markets in life.

aug 11

hisssss leave me alone lads hahahaha

heres the question, when going to a DOCTOR, should I trust a White WOMAN over a nonwhite MAN?

because i am now seeing this White Woman DO, GP, Fam Practice Doc for citalopram refills every 6 months. she is not bad, she is def white, but also def a WOMAN.

weird dreams last night, unfort heavy involvement of the woman. in it she was shrinking into a defenseless baby, but also refused to communicate.

but she also refused to run away. so she stayed around for whatever reason, maybe she was scared to leave, but she was staying, but she also wasnt saying ANYTHING and was being very moody and difficult and bitchy.

but she was STAYING and that was the important thing. I was being a bet niceguy tyring to comfort her saying its ok sweetie, i’ll be here fore you when you want to talk.

then there was this alpha male playing rock guitar and she looked at him and then I feared that that would be enough to make her leave me.

he was a white guy who i went to college with 10+ years ago and was never superfriends with, but he was a good guy and I got along with him. he was a rare Country Hick who went to the univ. He was very very smart, and into writing fiction (I think) and gambling. i feel he wasnt some kind of mindless marxist. i hear he went back to the middle of nowhere and did nothing with his life, much like me hahahaha. except i am not in the middle of nowhere hahahaha.

so she didnt leave me for him but i didnt like the interested way she looked at him!

it was kinda like when the loving person is trying to help some traumatized child who cant or wont talk. the child is staying with you, so that’s good……..but they aren’t being cooperative beyond that. and what if they did leave? youd feel shitty for investing so much of yourself in trying to help them, when obviously they resented it and you.

then the dream got really weird with lots of weird creature horror cronenberg type stuff, where she was shrinking into like a cat rat baby hiding in small dark spaces.

and then there was even weirder shit. this grotesque skeleton nun appeared displaying these poor animals she was torturing/K’ing by essentially skinning them down to the bone, while leaving as much skin on some parts of the body so as to keep them alive as long as possible. however the nun herself was a kind of animated, partially skinned human corpse, who was supposedly the father of another man in the dream, who was either supposed to be my Professional Partner in helping/treating That Woman (who by this time was a scrawny cat rat child)…..or something.

so anyway the mans father was partially skinned into a barely living human skeleton dressed up as a mockery of a catholic nun, who themself was doing a similar skinjob on these animals. cats and dogs. but the idea was, it wasnt of their free will, they were being controlled / possessed by some demon or devil like in the exorcist.

these are the types of dreams I have when I am at my average!!!!!! hahahahaha.

i think woman 2012 also made a cameo appearance, hahahahha.

ok got 60 minutes of power hour peak UVB vitamin D sun, 2:15 to 3:15.  1 to 2 would have been better but i was at the dr. i am hoping sunshine activated vitamin d is the magic bullet that cures everything wrong with me hehehe.

this was a great vidya from this poor lost soul.

now he does watch sarcuck of cuckad, and quotes a socialist at the end of this vidya, but uhhhh the points he makes in this vidya are unimpeachable. i just hope he isnt really a socialist. for the sake of his own soul!

anyway the interesting thing about that dream is, somebody can be unwilling to communicate with you, but theyre still willing to STAY WITH you. that is a nice bona fide. of course, maybe they’re just too scared to leave you, and as soon as they build the strength, they will leave you.

she was absolutely not willing to stay with me, in the sense that she was “with me” as a friend, somebody in my life that I talked to, texted, hopefully hung out with, but not any more.

but yeah i guess time really does heal all wounds, i can tell i WILL get over this SOMEDAY………..

…….it just takes a RIDICULOUSLY long time, like TWO YEARS of ABSOLUTELY NO CONTACT. and by then, someone who was very important to you, who you wanted to be the mother of your children, will have faded away into a faded memory like all the other women. and then you will be a 35 year old loser who never had a proper GF and doesnt have a proper job and you know you will never find a nice 7/10 white 25 year old n<4 woman ever again.

oh yeah. got called for interview today. 12k a year job hahahaha. 12k. 11 dollars an hour, 20 hours a week. unbelieveable. but the job seems like it would be easy and stress free. back at the old employer i had from 2008-13. ideally would get the job and then be able to find Secret Internal Jobs, then get a FT one of those for 30k a year. The End. Life Goal Achieved.

the woman who called me sounded really confused and disoriented. she was clearly having a bad day. she sent me an email as discussed and it had some errors in it. i hope she was just having a bad day and this is not her average hahahaha becuase my average is WAY better than that hahahahaha. and she is making 30k a year. like some damn fatcat plutocrat factory owning capitalist hahahaha. how much does her HUSBANDO make.

the st andrean guy brings up an interesting point: back in the DAY, low level retail and cust serv people didnt have to THINK. “we dont pay you to THINK!” but now you have to demonstrate how you are a FAST and CREATIVE and GREAT THINKER UNDER PRESSURE for a damn 12 dah part time job. now you need to THINK FAST all day so you can solve customers problems and keep them from bitching at the manager.

then how do dumb negers get fast food and walmart jobs then?

affirmative action hahahahahahahaha.

and then i just remembered its HER birthday this month. but the good news is i didnt realize that until 10 days into the month hahahaha. now SHE is getting old. i wonder if she will have any mud baby Sprogs by the time she is 30. or if she will Abort the Sprogs and focus on her career.  yeah but a woman like her really NEEDS a MAN.  i wonder how many cox shes fooked in the past year. she used to be a beautiful person. “inside and out.” way to become a slut after age 25. so sad. hey u could married ME!!!!

and

basically i worry that SHE WAS THE BEST. I’LL NEVER FIND A BETTER WOMAN THAN HER. Young, Pure, Innocent, Nice, AND good looking. she was the FULL package. she just didnt luv me.

every woman I meet I will just end up comparing to HER, and SHE will beat them.

that’s my fear now. because as an old loser man, i don’t have any value in the mating market.

being a good person IS an important thing in life, with friends and family, in society……

but it doesnt mean SHIT in the mating market!

it doesnt mean SHIT in the market where New Human Life is created!

isn’t that weird?

Also what I’m assmad about at women is not just that they are going against their natural role……

but that they are so ENTHUSIASTICALLY, WILLINGLY rebelling against their natural role!

yes lets enjoy lots of casual sex! yes lets become powerful leaders in companies! yes lets have strong powerful careers and make big decisions! they LOVE it!

Whereas I am deviating from MY natural role as a MAN….but it wasn’t my CHOICE, and I SURE as hell dont LIKE it!!!!!

took some nyquil. then will go for walk num 2. was kinda useless today. zero job apps. not sure how that happened. i blame the dr appt, and also much hourlong walk in the afternoon. but really i think THAT is more important than doing an hour of jobsearching at that time.

also I get a lot of emails every day and it takes tiem just to scan them. i get SOME (not a lot) APPLY jobs out of these emails. it essentially takes the place of looking at the main indeed list.

also yesterday i learned that “stupid ghetto people” all use indeed. i chuckled and said really. just curious, what do nonghetto, smart people use? apperantly they use monster. this is coming from a Manager who hires and fires Ghetto people hehehehe.  i am more racist than him but he sees the reality more than I do! I guess he is just that concerned about not being thought of as a racist. i dont have that anxiety hahahaha.  i just have plenty of other anxieties. about my competence to do basic jobs and to mate with wimmin hahaha.

shit i wish i never met her. when will i ever get along that well with another woman again? of that high quality?

i mean yeah i can live without women, i can live without being close to a woman………but i got a TASTE of it……and i really liked it, and now i want MOAR. very much like when i pseudodated those gurls 10 years ago. different because this was more important, it wasnt psuedo anything, it was real, it was long term, there was an actual rel between people, and it hurt moar. but similar in that it gave me a tiny taste of something real good that  i knew I wanted MORE of. i didn’t want to go my whole life without experiencing that.

well maybe it will take ANOTHER 10 years.

i guess when i am 45, the 30 year old wimmin will look pretty damn hot hahahahahahahahaha.

now by that time, the women will have CERTAINLY taken a ot of dix and be crazier and be more duplicitous hehehehe.

who cares. i took some nyquil as usual every 2 or 3 days. took the full dose this time. around 6 pm. nice and early. hahahaha. recreational use of nyquil to feel numb and sleepy hours before going to bed. but yeah it really does impact your thinking. cannot think clearly at all. very sluggish.

so yeah writing becomes evn more shitty. but i guess its easier to not think negative thoughts. unless you get there automatically, then you dont have the mental energy to fight them off hahahaha.

george feels says he did his college at a crappy diploma mill and got a degree in “computer science.” he makes it sound like it was just as boring and easy and useless as high school. just coast thru, never really learn anything useful. and right now he is struggling to teach himself the C language. WTF DID HE DO DURING THIS COLLEGE? why wouldnt he learn C or C++ in a “computer science” program? maybe they did java or python hehehehe.

but it sounded like the shittiest college, he would have been better off going to damn community college.  i mean shit i learned enough about C++ and “computer science” at community college, learned enough to know i could never do this for a career, cuz the amount of stuff you had to know and master is STAGGERING. just to get a part time job hahaha.

i prefer what st andrean had to say. just dont go to college unless you are a GOD DAMN GENIUS, AND you have very good social skills, AND you are getting internships and networking with people working in the field, AND you go to a GREAT uni. so only go to college if ALL those are true. THought that was a great point.

tons of autist nerds are good at math, science, computers, but terrible socially. you need to be GOOD socially to turn your college degree into a career. the better socially, the better for your career.

so you really need to be great at everything. be the computer nerd with the charismatic social skills of don trump. i would think this is the very rare computer nerd hahaha.

or a guy like bill clinton is a disgusting degen sleazebag, but hes got GREAT social skills.

also we virgins never get to see what trump is like when he is seducing women. but shit an alpha male, at that point they are seducing HIM!

oh for gods sakes, that st andrean in exile guy shut his channel down TODAY. he had some honestly good stuff. i think he shut his own self down, because he did nto have any racist stuff. the powers that be still allow sexist stuff but not racist stuff. and sexist stuff is getting pretty big. i guess  shillary could try to shut it down but i just dont see it. but the race nut is a MUCH harder nut to crack than the secs nut. all these woman hating mgtows who are too scared to become racists hahaha.

aug 12

ok. 10.13 am and i have cleared out my 13 or 14 new emails from overnight. all job related stuff. i gotta get rid of some of these alerts hahaha. right now i have such a “backlog” of APPLY jobs, I can really only afford to add jobs if I classify them as “APPLYYYYYY”, ie, they are obvious standouts.

WE DONT PAY YOU TO THINK!

well in 2016 you must think of bullshit to keep your angry customers pacified, because your company is so LEAN that they cut corners everywhere and give shitty product, shitty service, creating tons of unhappy customers. and you have to THINK FAST and BULLSHIT in order to RETAIN those unhappy customers.

make promises and excuses when you dont even know what youre talking about. well have it for you as soon as possible. the price PROBABLY wont go up. oh it did? oops you got unlucky. it is what it is, you dont have to be happy about it, better luck next time!

i dunno. i just think the best “company culture” is when they are SERIOUS about giving good service to their CUSTOMERS, AND they are SERIOUS about treating their lowest employees well. namely giving them good training and helping them serve the customers well. not just bullshitting, and excuses, and runarounds, and avoiding, and passing the buck, and kciking the can, and saying we dont do that, or we have no record of that, or no, call them back, they are wrong, we really DONT do this, or we dont do that, talk to your manager, i did, he said call you, then call your managers manager.

where managers are there ONLY to make things “LEANER” and they dont know SHIT about how to actually do the work of the department. and they have been brought in from outside. ALWAYS PROMOTE FROM WITHIN. how hard is this to understand.

these anti-management attitudes of mine make me a borderline socialist, that and i am generally against Wanton Greed, and I am also against Wanton GROWTH where the growth is unsustainable. but you have to keep up with inflation goy.

1% growth isnt good enough when inflation is 3%! is that the idea??!?!?!?!

drinking weak coffee and my stomach is churning and gurgling extremely loudly and frequently.

went to store and picked up new refill of citalopram and some groceries.

i honestly dont know how ALL people are not RED PILL. just going to the superstore is BLACK PILLING. maybe its just too much. i mean you dont want to BLACK pill people. then they dont even care about red pill blue pill anymore, and become one of those fat mouth breathing zombies you see at the supermarket.

did see some qt 16 year old girls there with their Moms tho hahahahahaha.

shit i am probably old enough to be their FATHER hahahaha.

all these fookin jobs are for Seniors and Leads and Managers……………….

WHY ARENT YOU HIRING FROM WITHIN?

well PROBABLY they WILL end up hiring from within, which is good, they just HAVE to post the job externally.

ok fine…….BUT WHERE ARE THE POSTINGS FOR LEVEL 1 PEOPLE????!?!?!?!?!?

the postings for level 2 and above seem to outnumber the postings for level 1 by like 2 or 3 to 1…….AT LEAST.

too many chiefs, not enough indians!

now level2 and level3 aren’t “managers” per se. they are more subject matter experts, ie, people who ACTUALLY know what they’re doing. the people you really wish you could talk to , but you cant, because they only work on escalated cases, and advising stupid level 1s.

MOST level 2’s i worked with were good as hell, they deserved their status. about 30% didn’t.

but even the good ones weren’t necessarily Good to the level 1s who wanted their help.

thankful to be able to go out at 1pm for powerwalk in peak of days sun hahaha.

partly cloudy unfort but should still get some sun.  i guess it can break through the clouds somewhere. wheres a level 2. an SME hahaha.

i cant believe MORE average people dont go MAD from the ridiculous demands of Work. i mean these deamnds do not seem fulfillable by the average person! these unreasonable demands! so I guess i am a bit jelly of all these normies who go to work and don’t go crazy. they just turn into fat stupid assholes. black pill hahahaha.

heh. these employers HIDE BEHIND their PORTALS. I am trying to apply to hospital job and it errors out when i try to upload res. over and over. so now I just have to WAIT until they fix it. theyre probably not even AWARE of it. and theres no way to report it.  but it was just working an hour ago, because i applied to a job at that time.

its a god damn ridiculous oracle people soft type system that is stupid as fook. always signing out, buttons and links dont work, its fooked. i really dont want to clear cookies and all that. i guess its not a big deal because i just have it reopen all tabs automiatically.

so yeah i am pretty much planning to go to this labor day thing with old college friends. should be pretty fun. i mean most of them are all successful and shit but who cares, they are nice people and thats all that matters.

also one of the guys is not a super duper YUGE winner like the others hahaha. and he is still a super duper great guy.

is it considered a good bullshit detector if you think everything is bullshit? you are so sensitive to bullshit you think EVERYTHING is bullshit? even stuff that isnt bullshit?

yeah well most stuff IS bullshit, so can you blame me for thinking EVERYTHINGS bullshit?

so i got impatient, clicked on use previous resume, then accidentally forgot to click on i am over 18, and then it Disqualified me, now I cant apply for the job AT ALL. I try to do it again and says sorry you cant. FOOOOOCCKKKK. it gives you a phone number to call. i am not gonna call it unless i am blocked from applying to OTHER jobs.  SOOOOO stupid.

OHHH rejected for MAIL CLERK job at other hspital ive sent 40 applications to. wouldnt be the first time ive been rejected for mail clerk hahahaha. sorry, FILE clerk. hmm only took 2 days for them to reject me. 2 days since i applied.

NO i dont spell shit wrong in my Packet!!!! like i do here. there, everything is perfect.

all these companies send rejection letters on friday from 430 to 5 pm hahahaha. i wonder why this is hahahahaha.

also, just because HR for the big company sends you a rej letter for one job, doesnt mean they’ll send you one for all jobs at that company.

i obviously need to take my Main Standards of:

25 years old

n<4

7/10

and Walk Them Back a bit. but how much? I would say just a tiny bit at a time, until someone reaches the New, Lower Standard hahahaha. so lets make the new standard n<5. that will make the pool a little larger hahaha.

its not like i have 100 applications to pick from hahahaha. i have 0 applications to pick from.

oh noes, katie ledecky is at least 25% JOOISH. so if i had children with her, they would be 12.5% jooish. is that too much? kind of. I would prefer my children be less than 6.25% nonwhite.

i looked her up because i kind of liked her weird horseface and maybe she even sort of reminded me of That Woman in having a weird face that doesnt seem like it should be qt. WELL, wait until she is 30 or 40! wont be so qt any more!

fathers side is from czech. mother is half j00ish. yikes. and she herself is a “roman catholic”. YIKES.

does michael phelps wife let him fook rando gurls when hes at the olympics?

is he even married? i thought he was and he def has a keed. i hope they dont have an open marriage.

like he didnt get enough action BEFORE he was married!

customer service. jeez. i just cant do it ALL DAY LONG. maybe put me on phones for 1 hour….but then have me switch on and off, on and off. customers 1 hour, no customers next hour, then back on, then back off etc. but all customers for 8 hours is just holy shit. its like private pyle trying to survive the military. the military would be EASIER. how do people do this and not K themselves moar?

i MIGHT be able to WITHSTAND if i had a good waifu to build me up at the end of the long day…..but good waifus dont like guys who cant handle tuff situations all day. they dont like such WEAK men.

well remember, george feels worked at best buy geek squad for like 2 months MAX because he was too anxious about the customers and not feeling like he was trained to handle it. cuz the training was minimal, classic swim or sink thrown to the wolves shit. george freaked out and quit, and then got his awesome job at the liberry where he continues to work today.

he says that now he might try to tough it out at best buy a little longer to force himself to get better with people.

its all in this one, good summary of george telling his life story.

i think its something we shuld all do, to try to get perspective. you can see the link on the right side where i started doing Muh Life Story and then put it on this blog. cant remember the lessons i learned. oh yeah. much like george, i reaped what i sowed, and i failed to nip shit in the bud when i was young. i just ignored them and did stupid shit and assumed that everything would turn out all right as long as i got a college degree. NOPE.

yeah realy i wish there were like 2 classes in high school preparing you how to deal with customers ALL DAY. how to deal with their stupid bullshit. them bitching about CONFUSING stuff and how you could work under pressure and answer to the most ridiculous bullshit. certainly high school COULD prepare you for that….but it didnt. like put you in simulations where you could have a Safe Word to get out if you got too flustered. and just practice practice practice. like practicing a SPORT. you PRACTICE 10 times more than you actually have official matches. you practice so you’ll be ready for the match/game/competition/tournament. i wish i had done that in order to prepare for customers on the job.

heh. i would prob quit geek squad too georgie boy! i cant blame you! anyway he eventually got some more customer service experience when he switched jobs at the liberry.

WAS IT REALLY WORTH IT?

I had some SOLID, BIGBOY, REAL WORLD, REAL MAN Customer Service Experience, a full YEARS worth, in a CALL CENTER, taking CALLS all day on the WEIRDEST shit that I had NO IDEA how to do.

was it WORTH IT?

maybe…..but at this point it doesnt really feel like it. and i feel like I could never do it again. just the thought strikes fear deep into my heart so I am AVOIDING all jobs that seem like they would have TOO MUCH (>50%) cust serv.

WOMEN YOUNGER than me have opened up their own Clinical/Counseling practices. like this 25 year old broad i see making a duckface on linkedin. LCSW, LLC, LLP. but who i really want to help are single white men with despair and anxiety, and white neets and such. thing is, these people are not likely to seek help.  alot of people only go to counseling because they are FORCED by court or probation. i guarantee some of those men are white!

but yeah honestly i did some GREAT, STRONG work, and TOUGHED IT OUT in some real TOUGH MAN shit, when i thought I would BREAK under the pressure. but NO, I STAYED THE COURSE. Weathered the storm.

So i have PROVED I can handle tough situations and tough customers. however, add a shitty situation with a woman and THAT is my breaking point.

i mean it WAS a realy unique situation i dont EVER see happening again. both the fact that she did not respond AT ALL, PLUS the fact that we worked in the same office.

it wasnt the CUSTOMERS that pushed me over the edge, it was HER, or really, my inability to DEAL with her.

i guess THEORETICALLY i could get another job and fall in luv with another coworker. i just hope i deal with it better! and i think i really cant not deal with it better! i would just send an email or text saying WE NEED TO TALK NAO. I HAVE FEELINGS FOR U.

then she will freak out, say were done, and i will put in a 2 weeks notice hahahahaha.

no i will try to move my shift, or move to where i cannot see her.

if i am running out of Meds, I will go to an Urgent Care to see if they can write me an emergency refill.

again i really dont think the running out of meds was what caused me to go over the edge. it was i just couldnt handle that ridiculous situation.

 

POLITICAL BELIEFS CAN BE CHANGED. YOU KNOW WHAT CANT BE CHANGED?

july 31

had dream with HER, first one in a while, i guess it goes in phases. for a while i was having a dream with HER every few days. then it stopped. now its back again haha.

in this one i was in muh old childhood home and she was sleeping upstairs in muh bedroom. muh famly didnt know she was up there. i was trying to get her out of the house unnoticed. ok this was my fault, i take responsibility for that. i was wrong hahaha.

although i think there was the implication that we were “back together” after the previous drama. which is usually bad news.  she’ll just end up dumping you again for the same stupid reasons, namely, youre not manly enough and can’t Lead her strongly enogh. you cant tame her hahahaha.

an interesting part was when she got up and started showing me all this school related stuff on the computer. she was SO EXCITED about going back to school and doing a business degree, and not at ALL excited about being with me. being left for a DEGREE. people are more excited about SCHOOL or CAREER than they are about YOU.

she was showing me this business article and was like ISNT THAT INTERESTING???!?!?!?! It was full of stupid jargon and I was like this doesnt make any sense, and I was mad, was she trying to show how she was SMARTER than me, because this complicated stuff made sense to her, so it made sense for her to leave me to go to school. when i was just frustrated and i could probably make snse of the article if she werent shoving it in my face and also LEAVING ME.

and she’s like why dont you go back to school, and i was like I already have a degree, AND I went back to school after that. I have like 1.5 degrees and it hasnt helped my career any. yeah yeah because i am a miserable low confidence lazy neet with personal issues. so of COURSE you shoudl leave me. i dont deserve to be with you, right? its my fault. so go back to school and get a better career with your business degree. its all so much more interesting and exciting and fun than being with a horrible loser like me.

yes i know being passive aggressive like that is bad! but it shows some of my very real insecurities.

Being left to work on school and career, when i HATE school and career and find personal relships much more important.

its like SHIT. I would WANT a good rel to help emotionally strengthen me while I went through the emotional Struggle of working on school and career. i would not want to face that without a good GF to cuddle with after the long days of failure hahahaha. recharge the confidence that is worn down every day.

but yet it happens all the time that people leave a rel to focus on school and career, esp with young 20s people. i dont have TIME for a REL right now.

really what they mean is they dont want to be with YOU any more. i wish they’d just say THAT.

this never really happened to me, although the women I was interested it did go on to be Powerhouses in School and Career. I was just never that involved with them that they had to LEAVE me FOR career.

now That Woman was not really like that. I could never see her doing a Business Degree. I liked that she was not obsessed with skool, and saw skool as a “necessary evil” rather than something great and awesome to be worshipped. she was not chomping at the bit to go back to school and neither was I.  most gurls (that arent mudshark pill popping white trash) are like i wanna get my masters in health care administration and work for humana health care as a senior area developer leader coordinator, adding value for the workgroup and changing patients lives while also making this the most successful health care organization in the country.

anyway, i HAVE been “left” for previous ex boifrans. a really obnoxious skinny jeaned annoying phaggot hipster who went on to a career in environmental activism, democratic party activism, and probably law skool.  a wimpy boring skinny guy who seemed too weak and boring and beeta to pull a woman, but he must have been really charming in private, who left a sweet university job to do a phd in antiwhite marxism. and lets not forget The Black Guys. never fun when they’d rather date black guys than you.

black guys and fooking antiwhite commies. are all more datable than me apparently hahahahaha.

the common denominator was that all these guys were more confident, charismatic and better with women than me. well, i dont know abotu that one wimpy guy hahahaha. but hey she STILL picked him over me!

anyway the dream was not fun. she had a big role in it and i saw a lot of her. too much of her. no not her naked body jeeeeez.  but just spending time with her. in a damn dream. maybe i could convince her not to leave me. but probably not. especially not by being weak and whiny and complaining that skool sucks! no, skool doesn’t suck, YOU just suck! thats why you can have 1.5 degrees and STILL do nothing with your life! you gotta get EXCITED about it! you gotta BELIEVE! you cant just go through the MOTIONS! you get out what you put it! you gotta really WANT it! you cant just show up and do your work and get A’s. you gotta really ATTACK it! gung ho!

the employers will know if your HEARTS not really in it!!

oh no baby, please dont leave me, i will be happy about you going back to skool, shit i will go back to skool myself, see i’ll take this online class in management, see, i’m going back to skool too omg its so interesting and awesome and also good for my career too! isnt it neat seeing what makes companies grow? i swear im smart enough to understand this intelligent business school stuff! and i find it genuinely, honestly, sincerely interesting and important, i swear!   just please dont leave me!!!!!

wow hahahaha.  the desperation is insane. off the charts.

so yeah that dream sucked. brought all this stuff right up to the surface. and its already there hahaha.

but it had that interesting element i had to mention: when the gurl is more interested in school and career than she is in YOU. and leaves you for a career. and looks down on you and leaves you because you ARENT more interested in skool and career. even though technically youre 3 times more educated than her hahahaha. she conveniently forgets about that.

not that i put much stock in the value of education. i just want to be credited for the stupid amount of education i do have.  i just like pointing out that i have 6 full time years of College and it hasnt gotten me anywhere hahaha.

but THEORETICALLY that keeps me busy from ages 18 to 24. and then I have a few years of work in there. so in Real World Terms, I am like 27 or 28 years old, which is really not too bad, not TOO far behind my actual age! And here I thought I had the maturity level of a 16 year old, hahahaha, when I’m really about as mature as a 27 year old hahahaha.

or, i’ve only really wasted 5 or 6 years, not 13 or 14 years.  that is helpful to remember. i just got 8 years of my life back! thats enough to get a phd of electrical engineering hahaha.

so i was thinking, joos like abortion and casual secs so much, what happens when their little jooish slut daughters get preggers at age 18? you’d think they’d just get an abortion because that’s the smart thing to do, but……..don’t joos value jooish life? at LEAST in terms of a jooish BABY is worth a lot of SHEKELS? like arent there jooish ADOPTION agencies that try to get jooish babies to jooish people who can’t have children of their own? or, generally, wouldnt a jooish baby be worth even more money than a white baby?  so why abort it when you can sell it? its a jooish moral / economic dilemma. like free ham hahahahahahahaha.

WELL, its probably a lot easier to abort if the joo gurl had a half goy baby.

BUT joo gurls also slut it up with joo boys at joo camp and JCC, so, theres a good chance of them having a fully jooish baby too.

that thought crossed my mind the other day. like, arent educated intelligent profession joos a bit CONFLICTED about aborting their own babies? cuz they are pretty racist and want the jooish population to grow.

yeah but its orthodox joos who are having all the babies. the educated professional ashkenazim are practically swpls in their antinatalism.

soooo…..what if i get offered this 10 dollar an hour part time job? i am thinking I should just take it hahaha.  but why do i think i even have a chance? because this is the SECOND time i am interviewing with this group. i mean for a second job. the first time i interviewed i said yeah you’ll see my name again for this other job. and they rejected me for the first job, and are now bringing me in for the second job.

well shit it would be AWKWARD to be rejected for TWO jobs at the SAME place, after interviewing with the SAME people, probably the same questions.

well, at this point, NOTHING would surprise me. the master of rejection here. I’ve been rejected every way you can THINK of, and I’m sure I’ll be rejected plenty more in ways I haven’t even thought of yet.

but yeah. plenty of people break up then “get back together”, they are still regularly hanging out, but “they aren’t back together, they arent dating.” well what ARE they doing? are they FOOKING? probably. are they FOOKING while the guy wishes he had the gurl BACK and the gurl is one foot out the door dating and fooking OTHER guys at the same time? just waiting for the guy to get jealous so she has an excuse to dump him again? probably.

and i thought i was bad at relationships! at least I dont go around Actively Jooing people like WOMEN do! they DO tons of stuff that is shady and jooish af! i would rather be honest and say baby this isnt working out, lets not kid ourselves, lets not joo each other. we’re done and there should be NO CONTACT. go fook your ingras and your social justice lawyers and your business school articles and your Management Career. they can fook you better than i can apparently.

dont put EARRINGS on BABIES. jeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeezum crow. this is SO trashy. it just seems SO unnatural and its pretty frustrating how normie idiots can’t see that its so unnatural.

not even getting interviewed for jobs that pay 15k a year. or getting interviewed and NOT getting the job. that pays 15k a year. experience the shame of THAT failure hahahaha.

that woman was always rather anti-police, but would she have gone ALL IN with that as so many people have recently? obviously its turned into a BIG political issue. might she have said, this is too much, i dont want to be lumped in with these black lives matters fanatics, and these black THUGS, i am gonna take my own side here, and if i’m gonna be pro-white, I pretty much should be pro-police too?

or will she take the side of the black thugs?

i’ll never know, hahahahahaha.

this COULD have been a point of disagreement between us….but i also dont think it would have been a big deal, because a Good Man can Guide and Mold and Direct his woman, and I could have made her understand that supporting black thugs was a bad idea.

she is anti-police for completely different reasons than loving black thugs anyway.

so yeah im not worried about differences in political opinions, because those can be CHANGED.

YOU KNOW WHAT CANT BE CHANGED?

Actions you did in the past: cheating, lying, cox you fooked and sucked, abortions, babies you murdered, degenerate, disgusting, evil shit you DID.

i dont give a SHIT about Media Constructions of Female Beauty, or airbrushed models or shit. you know what I DO give a shit about?

Average Normie QT 20 year old gurls in BATHING SUITS at the beach or pool or whatever. that you can find in bumfook kansas. these gurls are not EXTRAORDINARY. they are just not OLD or FAT. they are Normal, Young, QT girls, and when you put them in bathing suits and you see their bodies, you are about to explode in your pants. nothing fake or airbrushed or constructed about it WHATSOEVER.

i dont want anorexic models or movie stars! i wanted HER in all her 7/10 glory in a bathing suit with her pasty white skin and wide hips and fat thighs and fat cottage cheese ass and weak chin and zits and big nose! but at 24/25, she was SO YOUNG! and she had NO KIDS! and she was WHITE! and a 7! and had been with less than 5 guys! and was NICE to me for 2 years!

so yeah i hate that particular media lie that men have unrealistic expectations of female beauty because of patriarchy. No, we have PERFECTLY reasonable expectations of female beauty. just give us a 7/10 who isnt fat or old. PERIOD.

but i concluded recently that 7/10 WAS NOT reasonable for a guy with my low value, i should be expecting 6s or 5s.

hmmm.

but 50% of marriages end in divorce and WOMEN initiate 66% of all endings of relationships. sure maybe sometimes they dump the man for good reason. but I’d argue that 50% of the time, they dump him for a stupid reason.

just as women are the CHOOSERS, they are also the REJECTORS, and they are TERRIBLE at both choosing AND rejecting!

oh so youre a single mom? didn’t pick the greatest guy to make a new human life with eh? and now your baby’s life is an eternal reminder that you dont know how to pick a man.

well thats what SHE was though. so maybe it makes sense that SHE doesnt know how to pick a man either. but she picked a man she was with for 4 years!!!!! but thats all over. but what if she gets back together with him? would that make me happy? well, better than her being a slut and or getting with black guys.

why didnt the old bf just marry her? he was a little weird, but he was with her for 4 years. maybe he cheated on her. i dont think he did tho. he was just stubborn and grumpy and autistic and very much in a rut. and she STILL didnt leave him! HE left HER!!!!! how i wuold have liked to have that level of dedication and faithfulness and loyalty and willingness and effort from her!!!!!

so he left her and moved forward with his life. kinda like she left ME and moved way forward with HER life. and I moved BACKWARD. i didnt even stay at the same spot, i moved BACKWARDS!!!!!!!!

somebody holding you back….vs not having someone is whats holding you back, but you gotta learn how to move forward without them. so you plow forward without enthusiasm, without passion, and then learn thats just not good enough, employers want you to have passion or at least fake passion convincingly, and its very hard for me to fake that convincingly, but i try. but my trying isnt good enough.

anyway i will bang other sluts but i will still want her. i wont commit to them and luv them the way i would commit to her and luv her.

it feels like i will NEVER get over her. maybe its time to start seeing a shrink and taking meds hahahaha. OH WAIT.

i dunno. i guess i stopped working hard cuz i was TIRED of the hard work never paying off. might as well give up and not work if youre gonna get the same result anyway.

these women. its all about secs and fooking with these women. they have no idea what hearts or feelings or luv or romance or intimacy or connection is. the only that matters to them is a coq pounding a cvnt and then exploding all over their face for the camera omg lol. men are such sensitive romantics and women are such pornographic, jooish degenerates. how is it that men and women were designed to be together? homosexuality makes more sense!

shit i can see why people cast these voodoo spells and shit. and BEG For GOD to MAKE this person COME BACK. dear GOD change this persons mind and MAKE THEM luv me, because i dont want anybody but them.

how do you know when youre ready to meet new people? for example, right NOW i probably SHOULD meet new people, but I dont WANT to , i dont FEEL im over her, I still WANT her. but its POSSIBLE meeting new people would make me FORGET about her and ACTUALLY move on. becuase its been TOO DAMN LONG and I am CLEARLY HUNG UP on her.

so how about i just TRY banging other women and if i dont like em as much as i liked her, then i dont have to commit to them, and can make them get abortionz hahahahaha. like you care about human life anyway. just get another damn abortion.

i wonder how many abortionz she got in the past year. i wonder how many guys she fooked in the past year. 1? 2? 3? 4? 5? 6? 7?

i shouldnt even care but i do.

half of it is the job/career situation, ie, her moving UP, and me moving DOWN. that rustles me to NO end.

and That IS all my fault. for being too weak to handle the tough situation. the heat got too high, and i had to get out of the kitchen hehehe. she survived and became stronger for it.

but she wasnt facing nearly the same “heat” I was!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

how do you TRAIN on internal company things where you cant just google it?

well, just take your best guess and then ask the manager the right way to do it when they write you up for it, and hope you dont get fired for it.

11th interview on tues, 12th interview on thurs. nice. i am sure i will be nervous and rambling and not get the jobs hahaha but at least i will look good.

but yeah its stupid that you can never know or trust or be close to a woman, even if you are fooking them, even if you have known them for years. they are always god damn STRANGERS. no matter how well you think you know them.

how well did i really know her? how close of friends were we REALLY? i just dont know any more. so even the good parts seem fake. even if they werent.

i mean i WANT To be over her. aaaaannnnndddd its been a YEAR of no contact. im not over her but i really WISH i was over her. therefore, time to start hanging out wiht other sluts from okcupid hahahaha. and bang them. just go to the lake on summer day, look at them in a bathing suit, smoke MJ, well, have them smoke MJ and you can pop valiums, contemplate whtether their body is bangable, and then bang them when you leave, and then if you never want to see them again, you dont have to. besides do you want a woman who gives it up on the first date to be the mother of your children? do you want to show them to your family and say this SLUT is my WIFE?

my WIFE is a SLUT but this is the BEST i could get who didn’t leave me right away?

i want a nonslut but I dont DESERVE that! I’m not good enough to get what I want!

also when i do these interviews, its not like i freeze up. i start rambling and muh voice gets shaky and i am clearly nervous, but i survive them, i get through them, i dont run out the room screaming or anything.

if i had a gf who was pressuring me to go back to skool or she’d leave me, i would be thankful that she would be willing to let me do something to prevent her from leaving hahahahahahaha rather than jsut walk out and say THATS IT, IM DONE. then i would take 1 class at a time in fooking CNC machining or mechatronic or something and be like ya happy now baby? im ambitiously working on my career. i have career goals nao.  now how about your suk muh dik every time i do 20 minutes of skoolwork. and swear on your father that you will never leave me hahahahahaha. ok if you want to leave me, then hire a SHRINK to do it NICELY. and pay me 10k and give me a pound of indica MJ. and give me 100 more tapering off bangs, and send your slutty friends over to bangme. let me bang your mom and sisters too. THEN you can leave me hahahahaha.

hey it SUCKS to be LEFT. bitches act like they never been LEFT before. if they had, they would KNOW it sucks.

go back to skool or i will LEAVE you.

i will go back to skool if you promise to NOT LEAVE me

hahahahahaha

two sides of the same coin hahaha.

like i say, its better than just waking up one day and BOOM theyre ALREADY GONE, and THATS IT.

well, they’re not leaving you because they were NEVER WITH YOU.

just set a meeting with a shrink and have the shrink dump me. or hire a Process Server to Serve me with Papers. just make sure to take a FEW MINUTES to write down exactly everything you’re trying to communicate. say you want out, its over, and nothing will make you change your mind.

fine, im not gonna MAKE YOU STAY, im not an ABUSER. just say SORRY for breaking my HEART. you didnt like it when YOUR heart was broken. neither does anyone else, STUPID. hahahahaha.

if you have a picture of you with bill gates, then that will PROVE to people that you are SMART. you might not seem smart right now, but here’s me with bill gates.

doesn’t have to be bill gates. it can be anyone rich and famous who is generally accepted as smart. a supreme court justice.  magic black science man neil degrass tyson. magic asian science man michio kaku. steve jobs. mark jooerberg. the winkelvoss twins. anybody like that. then have that picture handy whenever anyone doubts your smarts. which they will do every day of your life when you are a gainfully employed bigboy.

maybe i SHOULD at least APPLY for Disability (SSI) because it would be SOME income in between jobs hahahaha.  i mean you usually get rejected the first time anyway, then i would have to pay for a LAWYER, etc.

woudl THAT come up in a background check?

MAYBE. probably.

why CANT a single mother teach their daughters how to pick good men? cant the single mother learn from their mistakes, and make sure their children learn from their mistakes?

because its all genetic. 100% nature hahaha. the apple does not fall far from the tree. if your mother picks bad men, you will probably pick bad men too. period. the end.

did nice 5 mile powerwalk

only burns 370 calkories

oh well.

i thought, its annoying when women tell men, you need some time by yourself, alone, to work on yourself, no one else will love you until you learn to love yourself and be comfortable by yourself.

i say thats total bullshit because when have THEY ever been without a rel for TEN YEARS or more. once you have been alone for TEN YEARS, or even “just” FIVE years, I say, you’ve been alone LONG ENOUGH, at this point, being single for so long is gonna hurt you more than its gonna help you “love yourself.” now youre gonna feel bad about being alone for so long! these women and people saying “you gotta love yourself first” have not been without a rel, without a gf or bf or whatever, for TEN FOOKIN YEARS, during the majority of their 20s.

THEY DONT KNOW WHAT THEYRE TALKING ABOUT.

NEVER LISTEN TO RELSHIP ADVICE FROM WOMEN. THEY DONT KNOW ANYTHIGN ABOUT RELSHIPS.

isn’t that funny? aren’t women supposed to be relationship oriented? all about rapport and getting along and all that? chit chat?

then why is it always DRAMA with them?

because they dont know SHIT about relationships!

but they are always IN relationships because…..

cmon you know it……..

WOMEN ARE THE SUPPLY, MEN ARE THE DEMAND.

so yeah i have been not even close to dating a woman for over 10 years. and i feel it has TWISTED me into a rusty twisted weird old man who just doesnt know HOW to have a real rel with a person.  well, with a woman at least.

shit ***I**** Know more about how relationships work than most women do, and Ive never been in one!!!!!!

i think when i was happiest…..and it was when i was just hanigng out with HER.

but i’m not ALLOWED to think of those happy times any more. well, i’m ALLOWED, but i know i SHOULDNT.

and technically that was the closest i ever had to a relship with a woman before. i’ve been friends with women before, but those gradually faded out after a couple years, esp after they moved far away. this one didnt fade out. i just kept getting deeper and deeper feelings until shit EXPLODED like a god damn nucular bomb hahahaha.

i dont even want to tell george feels that his interest in programming and coding is a fools errand. i was in his same position. i took a bunch of classes, including some in depth c++ coding. the main thing it taught me was that I could NEVER get a job in this. you have to know SO much just to get an entry level job. which are all being sold out to indians.  but you better either have a BS of CS, or you better be damn OBSESSED with coding, so that you lock yourself in your room, dont shower, and do nothing but CODE all day, making insane apps and programs. I could never do that. I got A’s in my coding  and felt some pride and sense of accomplishment….until I realized that the HARDEST program in c++ course 2, which was fairly hard, is not even the tip of the iceberg of what an entry-level, right out of college, 21 year old Entry Level Programmer would be doing. this is why you take literally 30 coding courses. get back to me when youve finished c++ course 30 and maybe then we’ll talk abuot getting you a 28k job. tons of overtime. FLSA exempt hahahahaha.

but they push coding camps and coding for kids and everybody should learn how to CODE! its the ticket to a good career for everybody!

NO, IT ISN’T, because then you’ll just have more people like me who can write kiddie hello world programs and do some basic functions, classes etc……..but NEVER DO ANYTHING WORTH ANYTHING OF REAL VALUE IN THE REAL WORLD. NOTHING THAT YOU COULD GET PAID FOR, LET ALONE AN AVERAGE INCOME.

you can LITERALLY make better money with your “skills” in a tech support help desk call center than with CODING.

and george would be MUCH better off staying at his boring library job than going to a help desk call center, or thinking hes gonna find a coding job. I have been TRYING to find a boring library job like his, but libraries dont hire FT people, and if they did, and I got an interview, I would probably lose out to a person with a masters of library degree, for a job that doesnt require one, because theres too many of THOSE.

but i dont even want to tell george it’s hopeless. take away the one shred of hope he has. it will be bad enough when he finds out eventually.

or maybe he will make it work, and he will show me how to make it work. obviously going to skool for it was not my idea of a good time hahaha.

and when you talk to actual working programmers, you see that their shit is ON POINT, and they are damn near AUTISTIC with their shit. staying up all night coding. they dont care they are 40 year old virgins because they LOVE coding so much, they literally eat sleep and dream coding, and I just never had it in my MARROW like they do. I had a slight interest in what I saw as a good skill. it is a good skill, but you have to be REALLY good to make ANY money.

I mean if I could find a $12 DAH job writing 12 DAH code and then gradually work up, I would. but i dont think those jobs exist, for newbs like me to write hello world 10 line programs. yeah im really shaky on pointers but just hire me for 12 DAH.

you can’t make 12 DAH being shaky on pointers!!!!!!

but its hard to find a good instructor who can really explain pointers! you either sit their and bash yourself in the head with pointers for 1488 hours until it sinks in, or you ragequit and find better uses of your time, like LIFTING or at least powerwalking. or taking nyquil and sleeping. or blogging.

so i am kinda schadenfreuding that moment when george loses his optimism in CODING.

FOOK CODING. Its a stupid golden calf hahaha. idolatry from idiots who have NO IDEA about how to get a JOB in coding.

but i dont want to say i told you so. this is all he has hahaha. let him have it for a while hahaha.

but why isnt he just smoking weed? hes not straight edge! he drinks a little! and he lives in COLORADO and has not made ONE vidya on MJ??!?!?!?!?!!

and here i am daydreaming about flying out to colorado and staying in a cheap hotel for a week just so I can sm0ke a pound of MJ in a week!! and of course enjoy the nice mountains and nature of colorado. while sm0king MJ in the forests and on the mountains.  and banging some white 25 year old hippie weed sluts.

stupid xkcd friends comic. this guy has some good comics but this is the WORST SHIT EVER and rsutling and triggering in SO MANY WAYS.  WHATS WRONG WITH RELATIONSHIPS GROWING NATURALLY OUT OF FRIENDSHIPS?????? this shit is patronizing to WOMEN for ASSUMING they can be fooled so easily. but they CAN be fooled so easily. come on. have some agency. you dont have to settle for this guy. why dont you call him out on his shit?

also why cant the woman tell that the guy has feelings for her? like me i was giving signals like crazy and i think she was picking up the signals. i should have told her point blank but uhhh i didnt want to tell her over text. i just wanted to hang out with her in a low-stress place like the people in the gay comic hahahaha.

also why is she always dating nothing but jerks? methinks this randall munro is a total niceguy womanhater. repent repent and you can become a ballless phaggot cuck like arthur chu. chen. whatever. that fat feminist male asian who was on jeopardy.

ill make you depend on me? i never did that shit! you cant MAKE someone DEPEND on you! they CHOOSE to enter in a friendship with you!

and you CAN legit “VALUE THE FRIENDSHIP”, while knowing that your feels are causing conflict, so then over time, you decide you want to talk about it. she knows what you want to talk about but she avoids it.

not seeing that angle in your phaggy comic. god damn this comic is so stupid. what if you were just friends at the beginning? and why cant this woman make decisions on her own? and why is the man such a conniving manipulator who has this grand scheme from day 1? I WASNT LIKE THIS AT ALL! WHAT KIND OF MAN WRITES SOMETHING LIKE THIS????

I hate these niceguys that are so anti-niceguy in order to signal to feminist cvnts. i hope this guy is alone and lonely for the rest of his pathetic niceguy woman-respecting life hahahaha. what a thoroughly unmasculine man. YOU FOOKING CHILD.

I just thank GOD I am not like this guy or this comic. although I HATE to think that SHE might think (or anyone else) that I WAS like the phaggot in this comic. there were some surface similarites, like a guy who has feelings for his female friend, but GOD DAMN. LET ME MANSPLAIN.

i wasnt a manipulating liar like he is. i wasnt orchestrating some damn huge production. I was TRYING to tell her. of course my actions were already telling her.

well, didnt the comic guy EVENTUALLY tell the woman ANYWAY, by dating her? then its all out there. so WHATS THE DAMN PROBLEM? that she’s so EMOTIONALLY RETARDED that she can’t figure out why she’s vaguely UNHAAAAAAAPPY? WELL THATS ON HER!! AND SHAME ON the author for setting the bar so LOW for women! although sadly, that really is a realistic bar for women.

i mean at that point, SHE’s living a lie. saying i luv u and being in a relship with a man she doesnt luv. and then the author blames it all on the fookin man. sheeeeit.

show this comic to your friends and lovers and if they LIKE it and says it makes an important point about men and niceguy cowards, punch them in the fooking face, cuz this is the most insulting dishonest JOOISH shit ever.

it treats women as CHILDREN. I know they ARE children, but I wish they werent!

http://xkcdsucks.blogspot.com/2008/12/comic-513-youre-breaking-up.html

hey i didnt want to “ask her out” at first! i didnt feel that way at first! then we just naturally became friends!

and when i wanted to “ask her out” she just kept avoiding me and avoidng me and avoiding me.

so i guess i was stupid for not recognizing that as the answer, that i still WANTED TO TALK ABOUT IT.

i dunno, ive been aware of niceguys for a long time, and i never want to be like that, but i share SOME aspects of that, but also NOT, because i am much more honest about my woman hate hahahaha. i even told her multiple times, im not a nice guy, i can be a total asshole. now let me buy you dinner hahahaha.

NO I wouldnt want to MAKE her be with me if she wasnt happy.

also its unclear if he was just fantasizing dating her, or if he actually dated her. yeah he sounds annoying and dishonest, but she didnt HAVE To date him or even be friends with him.

isnt it WEIRD being friends with somebody who obviously is in love with you?

how can you HIDE that?

I dont think even the WORST NICE GUY CAN HIDE THAT.

So really the woman just ignores it willfully.

so i dont think the niceguys are manipulative or jooish or evil or “expecting sex in return for friendship.”

i think they really ARE wantinga Luv Relship to grow out of a friendship.

but yeah obviously they should talk about it, esp if the woman is still willing to hang out with them.

That WOman knew i liked her, so she was not willing to hang out with me any more.

yeah i was stupid and cowardly but i wasnt like this, and also she should have been a little nicer.

i just hate thinking she viewed ME like the Niceguy Cueball. because i really wasnt.

 

PUNCH OUT THEN KEEP WORKING

july 1

shit. i hate that you just cant be an ok people person. you gotta be a MASTER people person just to get a 10 DAH job or get some fat slut. if you have the SLIGHTEST anxiety or autism or awkwardness…..1% is as bad as 100%. 2 is as bad as 10 hahaha. all or nothing. no in between.

you have to be all or nothing because the WORLD is all or nothing. jobs, women, life, hahaha.

sometimes  while browsing the indeed list you find a job thats SO GOOD you HAVE to apply for it RIGHT NAO. So go ahead and do that. thats a good thing. like i found one today: day shift, full time, mailroom clerk for large IP law firm. Dayum.

using A Spreadsheet and a Stopwatch to calculate the Exact Average of how long it takes me to do a Job Application.

with 3 down so far, the average is 15 minutes. has varied from 6 to 27 minutes.

this is actually making it slightly more interesting. maybe this is a holdover from my stupid job, where all our calls were timed and we could see a dashboard of how many calls we had each day, average time of calls, total time IN, etc.

i kinda liked improving my numbers. also it gave me some Hard Numbers. of course it also allows the company to Measure More and to crack the whip harder. 20 minutes average call time? get it down to 19 and we save 1 million dollars a year and can give execs moar bonuses and cut more people from YOUR department!

but in general i think the stopwatch is a great idea for THIS, muh job SEARCH, and getting a handle on exactly HOW long it takes to do EACH application, and what a reasonable number of apps per day is. i have been shooting for 8 but that’s cetainly low. but HOW low?

ok well my average is now at 17 minutes. thats with short ones and annoyingly long ones. only have 6 so far. i figure 100 might be a better sample size.

not that i havent already done over 210!!! 232 as a matter of fact. hehe.

today had a first, applied to USAJOBS, something for the army. FEDGOV hehehehehe.

17$ DAH job working with like army kids? child care technician? well in the FEDGOV they make 17 bucks an hour with bennies. GS 04 or some shit.

SO i figured that 5% of applications will get an interview. 1 out of 20. i mean that is ABOUT what its actually been. about 10 interviews for 200 applications.

well REALLY its 9 interviews for 230 applications hahahahahahahaha. but NO, cuz when I HAD the 9th interview last week, I had only about 200 apps in.

ok, so 9/200.

SO, assuming about 5% chance of an interview, it is THEN safe to assume that 5% of INTERVIEWS will result in a JOB. THEREFORE, you have to put in about 400 applications, therefore get 20 interviews, in order for you to get 1 job.

so shoot for 400 applications.

about ABOUT 20 minutes per application, that is 133 hours.

and that is 3.25 weeks of Full Time Work hehehehehe.

and right now I am showing 17 minutes per application, not 20.

why the hell didnt i start measuring this in a spreadsheet EARLIER?

because when you Train Yourself, it takes you MONTHS to stumble on things that a Trainer would show you right away. Best Practices. Best Practices do not always come quickly.

and this is a pretty obvious no brainer. use a spreadsheet as a tracking system to measure Metrics. its not exactly out of left field.

http://bbs.dailystormer.com/t/advice-on-how-to-red-pill-my-fiance/37312/11

this guy does not seem super smart but he is a manly white man who carries a Glock hehehe and doesnt want his qt white gf associating with trash. cuz her friends are trash and her family is trash and she gets the attention of blacks hehehe but she miraculously is not a huge slut. so says the boifran hahaha.

i know that feel, that woman was CLOSE to trash but she was not herself really trashy. she didnt want to be trash so she dumped her trashy friends. i hate to think she thought of ME as TRASH.

well at least TRASH can WORK!!!!!

july 2

horry sheet, interview with the company i have submitted like 14 applications to this year and i NEVER thought they would interview me for anything more than a 9 dah pt job….has invited me to an interview for like a 32k to 46k FT job hahahaha.  so, doing that on thursday. afternoon of courshe hahahaha.

BIG reach here, but……it was kind of a reach just to get the interview!

They are interviewing at least 5 people.

I would prefer something a little less……involved, because I might be better qualified for something Lower, have a better chance of getting it.

I do know the application here had like 5 short answer questions that probably scared all the CASUALS and PUNTERS away hahahaha.

and made the Application Time like 30 minutes instead of 15 hehehe.

what was the manager doing sending emails at 10 30 pm on the friday of Fourth of July Weekend? why wasnt he out of town with his family?

this place has a Unionized Workforce and I thought they were serious about muh 40 hours and not a second more hehehehe.

well there are ways around that, you simply PUNCH OUT THEN KEEP WORKING hehehehehe.

how common is this? for people who want to make themselves look like they do more in 40 hours than they do? really for OT Exempt people its not an issue. then you just work 80 hours for the price of 40 as a general rule hahaha.

i am somewhat interested in the Goth Subculture, but its also kidna degenerate and the women are SLUTS. VERY high number. but they might be willing to help weak sissy beta guys gain experience and confidence in banging bitches, which is always good.

yes, bang those disgusting degenerate high number whores, just for EXPERIENCE and CONFIDENCE. THEN you will have a better chance at getting the women you DO want. there’s a reason they call them PRACTICE gurls. And you can’t get a Decent Woman without PRACTICE. Like like you can’t Win the Championship Game without PRACTICE.

just Wrap It Up and try not to lie too much. like don’t tell the gurl you’re in luv with her, OR that you will marry her, OR that you want a Real Relationship with her. It’s Only About The Casual Secs baby, whatsamatter, dont you think secs is FUN, ya prude?

but yeah i dont think there are any gothic gurls under 30.

also goths like phaggots and nihilism and drugs and are not masculine and all.

i would approach Goth in a way that championed Traditional Victorian Values, and wears a lot of black, and likes melancholy shit, but thats really about all. While also still being Masculine and promoting Morality and Family and Traditional Gender Roles.

at the same time i like gurls who are not super duper girly. That Woman was feminine but she was not super duper girly. in that she was chilled out and laid back and not into Drama. But she kinda was. at the end she couldn’t get out of the drama.

i dont mind minor drama, but major drama needs to be dealt with. women are so attracted to drama that they dont even want to deal with major drama, they just run away from it if its too much. leaving people in the LURCH.

they need a MAN to pull them out of the drama. And I was not man enough. shit i was CAUSING the drama. i didnt know how to FINISH it. well, i DID know that we PROBABLY needed to confront it and talk about it, and she didnt want to do that.

all the more reason I need to MAN UP and say THIS ENDS NOW and MADE her talk to me hehehehe.

so yeah. BIG interview thursday, one of the biggest. the manager has been working there for 12 years and is a (former?) CPA but this job is more in “systems.” he does not have a masters degree but does/did have a CPA and that is about as hardcore as a masters degree hehehehe. fookin tryhard.

applied for job as AP clerk for company, took 23 minutes, brought average up to 16 minutes hahahaha.

i only have 8 jobs in that spreadsheet, i suppose if i had all 230 jobs, it would be a more valid/accurate number.

lets just say the shorter the better. i would like it to be closer to 15 than to 30.

in 1980 it didn’t take you 16 minutes to do a job application (well maybe it did.)

but for DAMN SURE in 1980 you didnt have to do 400 job applications before you found a job!

but its good i have an interview for next week, i didn’t have one this past week. want to have 1 or ideally TWO eery week.

had a dream with THAT WOMAN last night, as i recall it was pretty long but i still dont remember much other than i was spending the night with her, but she was mad at me and we were arguing and i was sleeping on the couch or something. i was scared she was gonna LEAVE ME, that she wasnt willing to work this out. , that she had just Had Enough, it wasnt worth saving to her.

and of course that was what happened! but this dream at least pretended that we were actually Going Out.

I was also starting to care about her family. Cared about her single mother who had a possibly rough life but she was at least a good mother and probably a good person. cared about her brother and sister who seemed really nice and were not promiscuous degenerate drug addicts, they did not even smoke MJ. they just lived clean decent nice lives. Cared about her extended family who she told me about.

and now all of THOSE people were ripped out of my life too, her telling me you’re not allowed to care about them any more, you’re done with ALL of us.

so that was an extra element which made things even more painful. I felt closer to her because I felt I kinda knew her family. again, not something i normally do with women.

she had an older family member who was not in good shape and that was causing her a lot of stress and worry at the same time as our thing fell apart. i felt guilty for Bothering her during such a difficult time. But I cared about the family member too! I shared her pain somewhat! and if she thinks it was all a Ploy to Get Dat Ass, she couldnt be MORE wrong!!!!!!!!

but i totally lost my frame and became weak and supplicating and BEGGING. I should have taken the FRAME of the MAN who COMMANDS respect….not a pvssy weakling who BEGS for respect! you put the foot down and say THIS IS HOW ITS GONNA BE.

hmmm this qt young gurl (7-8 years younger than me, very cute and nice, low number, she got married tho, like at age 22, well good for her hahaha.) sent ME a linkedin connect today and i accepted it. I had seen HER many times but did not ask to connect with her because she might think its creepy i was stalking her. well she is way more successful than me anyway. good career in health admin and is being promoted, moving up, didnt even get a damn masters degree, works with a bunch of other qt young women.  its hard to imagine they will become hambeasts when they are 40 like so many other women.

but they might not also become loving wives and mothers and just continue riding the coch carousel, so yeah, part of that is not becoming a hambeast. gotta look good to pull the alphamost coch. fat hambeasts can only pull thugingras hahahha. i hope SHE becomes a fat hambeast. her mother didnt unfort. her mother still looks bangable. i should bang her mother in horribly degrading ways hahahahahahahaha

heh i set up a 50 cent monthly dnation to bernard chapin. lets see if HE complains about the dnation being too small hahaha. i really dont think he will. he is not that kind of guy tho. I wish he had found a good wife and become a father though. its SAD that at 46 he has Accepted he will always be a MGTOW. he is coming out with his new book “man going his own way.” I mock MGTOW’s now, but not too long ago, I considered myself a mgtow, and uncle bern is the best example of the best of mgtow. he is a very good honorable man and THATS why he needs to stop being a mgtow and become a father! hes not race aware enough, let alone 1488. well, i will stop my dnation if he ever has a keeid with a nonwhite or advocates race mixing hahaha, which i dont think he will.

DO YOU REALLY **NEED** TO BE WITH 4 GUYS BEFORE YOU GET MARRIED?

june 25

saturday, beautiful day, wont be able to enjoy beautiful days when you are WORKING, hehehehe. so sad.

well try to apply for these Premium Sweet Jobs today. I set up DAILY alerts on indeed for muh top companies so that I get new jobs THE DAY they are posted at this company. protip, do this.  if you can sign up on the company job site for alerts as soon as new jobs are posted, fine, but some companies dont let you. because they dont know how to Properly Source Candidates hahaha. thats why they pay Recruiters to make job postings FOR them. good god. its STUPID.  and you see how dumb the recruiters are. how can you have RESPECT for a company that uses such sleazy recruiters? its UNPROFESSIONAL and EMBARRASSING.

you are a fortune 500 company and you cant do better than hiring a shitty mushmouthed recruiter who searches for resumes on indeed and careerbuilder for a list of technical WORDS ????!?!?!?!?! a recruiter whos never done a technical job and has no idea what the companies REALLY want or need, but then neither does the company, because the managers at the company don’t really know what their technical people DO either.

kind of like it was embarrassing for our company to have woefully undertrained peopel on the front lines simply acting as messengers for the Hidden Elite who didnt want to take calls.

well, to be fair, when a case was actually escalated, then the Elite would make phone calls as they worked on the case. and plenty of them found ways to be jooish about it. like i called you once for clarification, you were in a meeting, therefore i couldn’t get clarification, therefore i am closing the case. call one of our clueless tier 1 people to try to get it re-escalated, and then we will start working on it again in 48 hours from THAT.

and just the fact you can’t really talk to your coworkers and really LEARN shit because you are ALWAYS ON THE PHONE. the queue is always at max level. they will send people home if there are not a lot of calls. rather than say TRAIN THEM MOAR.

shit. she got a new job even though her linkedin profile is full of spelling and grammar and punctuation and logical errors. because companies are so DESPERATE to put bodies in call center seats. I just hope she’s taking stupid calls, feeling like she’s DROWNING, and not a stupid LEVEL 2 who’s essentially pushing level 1’s heads under the water, because she doesnt know what to do, but she’s not part of the punished caste who has to take those calls and forced to give the runaround and be like sorry, nothing we can do, no you can’t speak to someone else, no I can’t tell you why we can’t help you, just that we can’t, sorry, no you can’t dispute or appeal this, i mean you can TRY calling back and hope you get a better level 1 than me, but you might get a worse one too, sorry sorry sorry, nothing i can do, please hang up now because i’ll get in trouble if i hang up on you.

then you just give up and hang up on them and hope you dont get caught hehehe.

i actually never did that. but i might have transferred people to a level 1 person of a different department who PROBABLY could not help them either and PROBABLY transferred them right back to my department, hehe.

i hate to overestimate how much i mean to women. like i think a woman really values me…..but they don’t.

this is why this takes TIME. for example, the fact that we were friends for 2.5 years. we HAD that long term time together to know this just wasnt a passing phase for her, like so many dicks on the coch carousel, like so many pseudo relationships and lovers thrown away and replaced like robots.

no. we hung out over time and i began to TRUST her when she said I was one of her important top tier friends. she didn’t have many fake shit tier friends anyway. she would just leave those people anyway. like she eventually left me hahahaha. but they were drunks and drug addicts and real losers. and apparently i was just as bad as them.

and she was so moral she didnt even FOOK these losers hehehe. such a GOOD woman. congratulations, bitch, you dont fook obvious losers. what a SAINT. you get a fookin PROMOTION for not making babies with drug addicts. so EXTRAORDINARY and AWESOME of you not to abuse your SACRED RESPONSIBILITY with the WORST POSSIBLE men. im so PROUD of your ACHIEVEMENT.

bitches and whores!

i tried to watch “some like it hot” yesterday because i heard it was really good….but it was both ultra corny and degenerate. i dont like that degenerate WHORE marilyn monroe. why do you NEED to be with SO MANY guys? you DONT! you DONT! i just dont like her. jack lemmon and tony curtis were all right…..but do you notice how the agent who books them is very obviously a member of the tribe?  and i bet this damn movie was written by one too.

written and directed by billy wilder. i KNOW he was a J. total J from southern poland / galicia. born samuel wilder.

MARILYN MONROE WAS NOTHING BUT A DEGENERATE WHORE.

so i hate it when other women praise her as some awesome women. when she was nothing but a degenerate whore.

the hateful way i talk about women, its a red flag!

NO ITS NOT! it means I still know how to discern a good woman from a degenerate whore!

and its so sad to fall in LOVE with a good woman and then she starts sliding down to degenerate whore, and nothing you can do can stop it, because she doesnt care what you think.

heh. i am watching a stupid program about marilyn monroe. that whore fooked EVERYBODY. her first husband, a normie working class man. just used him as a meal ticket to advance her pornographic career.

then fooked EVERYBODY. huge hefner. joe dimaggio. arthur miller. tony curtis. marlon brando. john kennedy. bobby kennedy. frank sinatra. dean martin.

do you REALLY need to fook TEN guys in your life? NEVER!

 

i’m sure these men saw her as a Hot Mess who was an Easy Fook. so they pumped her and dumped her. especially near the end, once it was more obvious what a piece of shit she was.

women don’t even understand this. so next time you see some woman praising marilyn monroe, calmly, coolly mansplain to them what a degen whore she was, and if they dont end up agreeing with you, pump and dump the broad. just like what happened to their degen role model. some role model. a role model for being a degen whore.

well i wont drink again but i would totally abuse other drugs heheheh. i could totally abusing benzos because they chill you out like alcohol.

i dont want another woman to be muh wife. i dont want to be with any other women.

and since i cannot be with her i will hate her and hate all women hahahaha.

like i said i am in a TOTAL WOMAN HATING PHASE right now for at least another 6 months. till the end of 2016.

well i dont hate all women. just i dont have any interest in them other than banging the qt ones. and i dont have the power to do that. the only woman i really luv, that is done, and i am still grieving that. DEAL WITH IT.

IM dealing with it, by being in the middle of the process of grief. trust the process, RESPECT the process. so now YOU can deal with THAT. i know you WOMEN don’t understand GRIEVING for a Lost Love for a YEAR. cuz people, love, secs, hearts, relationships just dont MEAN that much to you. you people.

i mean its definitely in the latter half of that grief. the grief is not nearly as PARALYZING and DEVASTATING as it once was. but i still dont want to be with anybody else. I cant see anyone else replacing her. and i WANT to replace the SHIT out of that bitch hahahaha. i want to forget i ever met that bitch.

i mean she can replace ME, of COURSH i want to replace HER!

but i just dont think thats possible right now. i still need to wait more TIME, and THEN find someone who is SO awesome that they make me forget all about HER.  for a guy who does not meet many women, let alone attractive women, let alone get along with them REALLY WELL, this does not seem super likely. let alone women who do not want to be with more than 3 guys before getting married hahahaha.

oh i dont NEED to be with more than 3 guys, i just WANT to! secs is FUN you puritan prude! its FUN!

no its NOT FUN, its the Sacred Life Creation Process! The fact that it makes your cl1t FEEL GOOD is a BY PRODUCT!!!!!! muh feels muh dick muh cl1t muh tingles. you fooking INGRAS.

yes, i will concede that most degen normies think sex is FUN, but its only FUN so as to MAKE people WANT to do it so the SPECIES REPRODUCES. its fun BECAUSE it creates life. NOT because its JUST FUN.

tell the women, do you want your MOTHER to be a slut? what would your MOTHER say if she knew you were a SLUT?

ideally you would say father, but women dont have fathers, or their fathers are deadbeats who dont care, or pvssies who can’t influence shit.

so yeah ideally when a woman is a slut, she AND her father should be publicly flogged, then her head shaved.

WARNING: ONYL LISTEN TO THIS BORING ALBUM IF YOU ARE HAVING TROUBLE SLEEPING

for some reason i was called to put this album in muh listening queue. melodic death metal from finland. i havent even listened to it. but i hear it is melodic and melancholic. death metal. melodeth. i hope it is not too modern. i hope the singer has a deeper voice and not a higher voice. i guess there’s probably not any blast beats. and it is very Clearly produced. not sure why i was called to listen to melodic death metal at this moment, and in particular this band. maybe cause i have heard of them for a while but never listened to them. and i like finns.

it may suck or more likely just be boring and overrated and boring hahaha.

i am starting to get bored of goatwhore again, their later albums are better than i initially thought but they are kind of growers and the riffs dont SHOW as much as on the earlier albums.

anyway this insomnium could suck. another thing i have on the queue after this amon amarth. who i sorta know what they sound like. melodic viking death metal. but i want something more melancholic. but its gotta be CATCHY.

so yeah. if all your mansplaining isnt helping a gurl understand that being a slut is BAD….pump and dump.

how would you feel if your mother is a slut? many times the mother IS! but that doesnt mean the daughter cant feel bad about it!

how would your mother feel if you were a slut? if the mothers a slut, she might not care.

just ask them how many abortions theyve had!

just ask them how many guys theyve been with!

I do regret not asking those questions directly of the 2 sluts i have been with. like after you banged them hard and they are cuddling with you and fee dominated and protected by you, you just ask. say babe, how many guys you been with.

then theyll say, what do you mean been with?

then come right back with, well i mean sex. whether its short term or long term. one night, one month, one year, friends with benefits….ANYTHING. How many guys have you had secs with. whats your NUMBER.

her: why do you want to know?

you: i’m just curious. I’ll tell you if you tell me. I just want to know how special I should feel now, or if you’ve done this with lots of guys, hahahahahahaha.

her: SHUT UP.

and then bang her again. maybe blast it on her face. take some pictures with your phone. or videos. you can put them on the internet later. send them to her mother, father, boifran, grandmother, children, friends, etc.

then ask her again.

so, you didnt answer my question. what’s your number.

must be pretty high if you dont want to tell me! what are you, some kind of slut or something? what, you been with more than 20 guys?

and then you might get them to admit theyve been iwth 10 or 15 guys.

STILL TOO MANY.

anything mroe than THREE is TOO MANY.

more than THREE, then theyre a SLUT. PERIOD.

they dont take sex SERIOUSLY enough.

they dont have RESPECT for human LIFE.

thats why they throw people away like they arent even humans.

they have sex with people and it means NOTHING.

they have relationships, even long term, with people and it means NOTHING.

they are sociopaths who stop just short of overt violence and murder (except for abortion!) and are satisfied “just” to break hearts in torturous, obscene, evil, satanic, j00ish ways

WOMEN: SERIAL HEART KILLERS. 

torture porn. its not just disgusting jooish movies. its the jooish way women have sick pseudo relationships and Mutilate and Desecrate Human Hearts, leaving a trail of ruined men in her wake.

again, this is why you always ask the woman if any of the men she’s dumped have K’d themself. not that they’d tell you the truth, hahahaha, but they will know you are on to their wicked game!

200th job!!!! 200th job application!!!!

actually probably a bit more. its just the 200th application acceptance email in my applied jobs folder folder, since i Got Serious with muh job search in april, about 2 months ago hehehe. sheeeeit march 21, about THREE months ago. 200 jobs, 3 months. 65 jobs a month, hmmm i can certainly do better than that hahahaha.

well remember i would often slow down on weekends and also days where i had interviews.

great post on daily stormer , quote:

I ran into a man today who I knew growing up, he was a few years younger than me and now 30 at the time of running into each other.
As a young man I remember him as highly intelligent, hard working, honest and reliable.
I ran into him while taking my daughter for our evening walk (I walk and she sits in the radio flyer with her stuffed animals)
He was in a neighbors front yard pushing a lawnmower for a living.
We said hello and I asked what he’s been doing in the years since we last spoke.
Poor guy tried college but couldn’t afford it, military wouldn’t take him due to chrome’s disease as a child, corporation’s wouldn’t hire him due to no college and therefore no experience, city employment never panned out because the lists are drawn randomly with set minority hire quotas per random (white) draw.

We said goodbye and as I walked off I nearly shed tears for this poor guy.

This is the plight of the American white male, we have no future in this America.
I am fortunate enough to be a very inteligent and hard working person, and I have very lucrative employment.
But had it not been for my time in the military; I would most likely suffer the same fate as this young man I happened across.

I see this everyday, hard working, smart, honest white kids working for minimal cash in no skill jobs.
That’s all white men are entitled to these days – if we’re lucky enough that a Mexican doesn’t beat us to the job.

The people who have done this to us will pay one day.

The prosperity of this nation belongs to the white youth.
Our ancestors built it, and it belongs to us.
We refuse to share our prosperity any longer.

In my brief conversation with him I hinted at my white pride and pointed out that his woes are due to the color of his skin and he agreed.

We need to target the young men of this nation to join our ranks, it is they who suffer the fallout of this j00 democracy worst of all.

He and all white men like him are in my prayers.
I would like them better my side in revolt.

END QUOTE

same guy says: Good fathers make faithful daughters.

GOOD FATHERS MAKE FAITHFUL DAUGHTERS. 

took 4.44 miler

that insomnium…..i deleted it hehehe. i guess try the amon amarth nao.

so this is insomniums highest rated album, people raving about it. it sounded nice and heavy but…..it sounded just like a more boring version of DARK TRANQUILLITY. and you know why I stopped listening to THEM? BECAUSE THEY GOT TOO BORING!!!!

so this is like listening to the latest dark tranquillity albums.

dark tranquillity was a great band who had several GREAT albums: the gallery, projector, damage done, character, fiction, haven.

great band, great albums.

and there songs are way more memorable and catchy.

and then eventually they lost their luster and became less inspired, more boring, going in circles, not sounding so fresh.

i mean its good to listen to in the background….but metal is not good background music, you need something chiller. but the insomnium just doesnt GRAB you.

yes the production is good, everything is technically good….but dark tranquillity did this a LOT better on THEIR good albums.

also i like it when finnish bands dont sound so swedish. dont play it so safe. have something a little weird and finnish about them. insomnium did not. they just sounded like boring late era dark tranquillity. NO THANKS.

i mean it didnt sound BAD. i could see lots of metal fans liking this because it’s heavy, its melodic, it sounds good. but the riffs are boring and not catchy enough. INTO THE OVEN IT GOES. disappointing.

this amon amarth better be a lot better. “with oden on our side.” just pagan viking beer drinking stuff. they have been around forever but i never really listened to them. always coming out with new albums, occasionally even touring and playing shows in muh citay.

today i thought: i am to blame. she would have treated me a lot better if i had just asserted myself like a MAN and put her in her PLACE. passed the SHIT TEST in other words. been like this ends now, you don’t treat me like that. i guess you can slap the bitch in the mouth (not advocating violence or abuse hehehe). so whats the RIGHT way to put a bitchy woman in her PLACE like a MAN? cuz they LIKE a strong man who can put them in their PLACE! i imagine you cant get too MAD because that means youre losing control.  uhhh you treat them like they are the bratty sister. you can’t be like the stern father because the father CARES too much. it MATTERS too much to him.

do you just say shut the fook up bitch, you dont talk to me like that. yes. say that, but say it with kind of a smirk.

so if i had done that, been assertive, she would have chose me?

if i had STOOD UP to her BULLSHIT, the woman of muh dreams wouldnt have LEFT me?

i MADE her leave me because i was weak?!?!?!

i KNOW women HATE weak doormat men. but i still dont think I  MADE her.

but i sure wont be such a damn DOORMAT again and will handle SHIT TESTS better. be like stop this bullshit bitch, you dont treat me like that, you little brat. then give them a good spanking and then a good pounding.

if good fathers make faithful daughters, it only makes sense that bad father make UNfaithful daughters. IN GENERAL. she had a bad father. she hated cheating and she had never cheated…..but was she FAITHFUL to me, in the sense of being LOYAL? in the sense of being there for me, not abandoning me? shit NO! could I ever TRUST her again after this? FOOK NO!!! this is not cheating or betrayal….but it DOES destroy trust. and its kinda like a quasi-betrayal.

june 26

note, the dark tranquillity damage done album is a good bit heavier than the above projector album, and damage done is a great example of what insomnium seems to be aiming for…..but falls woefully short.

projector has more clean singing and is not AS heavy….but it is still great with great songs. classic songs.

maybe im confusing insomnium with omnium gatherum. maybe that is supposed to be the good one.

applied to 3 jobs on a sunday hahaha. if i want to get up to 100 jobs a month and not a mere 60, got to shoot for 3 jobs every day.

another thing i am going is grading/ranking each job posting with a grade, a, b, or c, as i bookmark it. it is a quick decision. then put a b c and any other notes in the title of the book mark

so i can quickly identify the jobs from that list that i really want to apply for, and do those first

had soem kind of weird nightmare last night that i had to force myself awake from

would still totally bang and date that woman, want to bang her more than i want to bang any other woman, she is still the secsiest woman in the world.

OBVIOUSLY i try to destroy these thoughts. because I will NEVER bang her, and many other guys will / are. get that big white ass bending over for their coch o god. TOO MUCH. and she cant even RESPOND to me. because i am a WEAK, supplicating, doormat who women hate. they disrespect this even MORE than I, the worlds biggest slut-hater, hate sluts!!!!!!

i honestly want to bang her more than some beautiful 20 year old gurl. that woman and her weird face and weak chin and 25 year old body. this is what True Luv does. Makes you want to bang this one woman, above all other women, even objectively hotter ones, for a solid YEAR after you never see them again.

you havent seen them for a year, yet you still luv them and find them hawtter than some 20 year old aryan goddess in a wheat field. this is the bond, attachment, addiction of true luv!

well at least i applied to 4 jobs on a sunday, while my competition is…..working 7 days a week hahahaha. really i have a work ethic that is WELL below average. Why do I think I deserve to make the AVERAGE wage of 14 dollars an hour?

i guess a good way to respond to shit test is to do the “suck it” “crotch chop” saying that you couldnt take the person LESS seriously. but what if it IS a serious issue? tell them to SUCK IT anyway. because you dont take them seriously. if they leave you you dont care, you have a STABLE of BETTER women. women who are THINNER, YOUNGER, PRETTIER, and DRESS better. make fun of her WEIGHT and her CLOTHES.

i was always nice to EVERYONE.  i didnt learn until i was like 21+ that being nice to women doesnt work. I had my suspicions but I still grew up treating EVERYONE nice. then wondered why women didnt like me hahahaha. i had to unlearn what i had learned in other words, get out of my comfort zone, and LEARN/practice how to treat women like shit, hahahahaha. i still have a long ways to go! because i could not be more single and lonely hahahaa.

TREAT EM LIKE THE PIGS THEY ARE!!!!!!

they just HAD to be with 4 or men before they were married, because SECS IS FUN!!!!!! #YOLOLOLOLOL

because you dont HAVE to get preggers because BIRTH CONTROL.

this is the way they think. muh dick. muh tingles. muh cl1ts. muh multiple orgasms, multiple partners.

fooking ingras.

why is the one with the super K-selected BODY so r-selected in MIND?

why is the one with such a HUHWHYTE body so INGRISH in mind?

well, theyre not like INGRAS per se, more like CHILDREN.

and ingras are kinda like children too.

ok will go for a 4.44 and listen to DARK TRANQUILLITY. hell i would rather give the newer dark tranquillity albums (we are the void, construct) a try than listen to that totes boring insomnium again. i mean i guess their hearts are in the right place, but why would you devote so much time and effort of your free time to making such boring music? better to stay at WORK, make MONEY, and have some more damn finnish CHILDREN guys. Just retire now and have more KIDS. you are getting a TERRIBLE return on investment for investing your time and effort in a BAND. most bands are like this. men who work hard and then they sacrifice their PRECIOUS free time to make mediocre music nobody likes. NO JUST NO. hang it up and just have CHILDREN instead.

a mediocre white CHILD is 900000000000000000000000000 times better than a mediocre white band. 

accepted a linkedin invite from a Bliggity Black Sales Rep I have never met.

really. being in a band is SUCH a time committment. here you are, an adult man making 20 dollars an hour, working 50 hours a week, and now you’re gonna commit at LEAST 4 hours a week to this BAND and musical stuff? if not 8? coordinating the efforts of 3 or 4 or 5 working men to meet After Work, Practice, Rehearse, etc. being in a band is not worth it unless you are a total loser at life AND are VERY talented musically.

i mean most guys in bands are making 20 dollars an hour at least as skilled tradesmen. not making minimum wage like mcdonalds ingras and neets.

so focus on making children and you will be a better FATHER than you are a MUSICIAN. MUSIC SUCKS.

did a 4.44 miler, should have done a 5 miler

it doesnt really matter that i was a weak pussy who didnt stand up to her. that STILL doesnt give her the right, still doesnt mean she’s RIGHT, still doesnt mean i deserved this, OR made her do this, OR brought this all on myself. it is OBJECTIVELY, ABSOLUTELY IMMORAL to throw away someone when you KNOW them.

it’s still immoral to treat someone you DONT know like garbage…..but it sorta makes more sense. people who barely know each other fook each other and throw each other away all the time. its HARDER to throw someone you actually KNOW away. you have more of a CONSCIENCE about it. and RIGHTFULLY SO! AS YOU SHOULD.

its almost more acceptable, less immoral, if you dont really know the person. but when you DO know the person. WOW. it takes extreme coldness to be able to do that to them.

like i could see myself pumping and dumping some slut now, just treating her like garbage and throwing her away, using her as fook meat, and then ignoring her forever……but NOT IF I KNEW HER!!!!!!!

just a crazy degen slut you meet, quickly fook, fook them a few times, realize they’re too crazy and you dont want to fook them any more, so you just ignore, avoid, block and Ghost them. but you never really KNEW them. you never really LIKED them. you werent REAL FRIENDS with them for ALMOST THREE YEARS. lucky if three weeks.

blockchain sets the same transaction fee whether you send 50 cents or 50 dollars. stupid. i assumed it would be a fixed percentage of the amount you wanted to send. apparently not.

 

50 FOOT BABY WITH A MACHINE GUN

june 1

well i feel kind of CONFIDENT right now which is GOOD, I want to feed this dog and starve the other dog of doubt and fear and weakness hehehehe. not feed that dog. you choose which dog you feed. or wolf. or whatever. if you dont know that parable, you dont deserve a job hahaha. def not a 15 dahj.

so I muh interview for the sweet city job. i didnt ask for business cards, i tried to tell some specific stories, got kinda tongue tied as usual, got the impression they wanted to move quick so tried not to ramble.

anyway i was determined to find email addresses for each person. i found one on the city website directory. i then Studied how emails seemed to be constructed for the city and used that to deduce the email of the second person. the third person was the hardest. I could not find their first name or their last name. i didnt know how to spell their last name. i had several guesses. i finally found them with a quite different spelling there. a normie would have just called and asked. anyway sent the thank you directly to them. did not include 4 documents this time. seemed like that could be overbearing.

so i felt a sense of confident accomplishment when I finally found that email address.

had a dream last night that had a gurl…..and it was NOT that woman! this woman in the dream was fictional, a petite, young, blond haired woman. MAYBE she was a composite of women 2 and 3. Maybe she was just a cute young blond woman. in it she was presenting herself to me to get FOOKED. I was like, i dont know who you are, you dont know who i am, you are certainly a crazy slut, but damn are you a qt little thing hahahaha. I shouldnt stick muh dick in crazy but I will NOT get this chance again for it could be 10 years or more. and at that point the gurl is not going to be a very qt 20 year old. so I am gonna do this. I should prob Wrap It Up Tho. I woke up before the dream went any further.

you shouldnt stick your d in crazy…..but if you have a 20 year old blond QT spreading for you, yes you should hahahaha. just wear a rubber and make her sign a waiver of consent hahahaha. and know that there is gonna be some drama afterwards. and whatever you do , do not get feelings for her, or get too used to this, because she is gonna cut you off before you’re ready to be cut off. guaranteed. so just be thankful to get one bang out of the cute crazy slut.

the people in the interview were nice enough, no hard questions really, but I rambled a bit and I sensed they wanted to move along quickly. there was another person waiting to go in as soon as I left. I tried to keep it short. but that is difficult for me. anyway it went ok and I would like this job much moar than the post office job. because its closer, there are weekends off, and most people seem fairly nice in the city hall hahahaha. whenever I go in there people seem relaxed and they arent on headsets with calls all the time looking like they want to K themselves hahahaha. they can ask other people for help.  there was a fat young man who looked like an awkward virgin. there was a cute young woman who looked like a slightly shy nonslut. but also still good looking at age 26 or so. She would be at the top of muh seduction list hahahahahahahahaha. i am sure the fat young man is hopeless in luv with her and will probably quit his job because of her hahahaha. well PROBABLY she is married. I was too busy thinking about The Interview to look for a Ring hahahaha. besides some of these Hypergamous Mercenaries don’t wear their wedding rings at work, because what if a rich lawyer or contractor comes into city hall one day hahahaha. a rich albanian man with expensive suit and bmws hahahaha who makes tons of money from smuggling drugs and secs slaves under the table hahaha. she can then monkey branch to him and throw her husband away like garbage.

see, people who arent women haters just dont think like that. because really women arent ACTUALLY THAT bad. but women haters like me THINK they ARE.

so yeah stuff like GAME and roosh seems so…2010 by this time. the old pick up artists are tired of it and the young men are asking the same questions and getting woke sooner, namely, recognizing black pill nihilist for the nihilistic garbage that it is, and saying, i dont care about banging sluts, I want to marry a nice gurl and have children. young men are MUCH more open to that way of thinking than when I was young and we just wanted to bang bitches. i think older millennials like me are much more NIHILISTIC. people that were born in my birth year. the younger kids are actually smarter and better. game and manosphere is losing interest, more and more people are tuning into the alt right. or maybe i am just saying that because thats why I am personally doing, and roosh is kind of doing it.

i cant entirely hate roosh. I read him years ago. i’m essentially part of his generation. ie an old nihilistic fart.

matt forney, well I read a lot more of him when he was in mala fide, and I think he is actually younger than me.

they just need to be more pro-white. forney and aurini. I think they are open to it but they wont ever be 1488. aurini is a great writer but I just cannot listen to his super gay voice. it is one of the most annoying voices I have ever heard. I have known a few people that talked like that and I always found that way of speaking very very annoying.

MW and TRS are my go to places now, they will show me the way. i wonder what the “next” thing will be hahaha. But this hasnt been a bandwagon thing for me at all. I have been moving slowly toward it for years.

i think racialism is a natural next phase to manosphere mra mgtow mens stuff. you go through a mens phase before you advance to the FINAL RED PILL of RACE. Also I find that this helps you appreciate women more. not hate them as much. So I can’t help but think of super mra types as being in a temporary phase. that is, i find it Problematic hahaha when they DONT treat it as a temporary stage on the way to Final Red Pill Racialism.

so yeah if i can figure this out by age 30 then so can any man. so I dont fully trust mgtows over 30 hahahaha.

But I will always like Uncle Bern, I just wish he found a decent woman and had some kidz. I think he would like to. I hate to say he’s too old……but he’s not getting younger. It’s not impossible though. just marry an ugly young white girl and start having kids right away, that would work. why ugly? well, hopefully not super ugly. but ideally he should get a gurl a full 20 years younger than him hahaha and that is NOT easy.

I mean shit I want a gurl a full 10 years younger than me haha.

but yeah read the comments on mgtow videos and its clear these guys are even bigger woman haters than i am. i dont want to be a woman hater! and I am happy that as a Huhwhyte Nationalist 1488, I don’t HAVE to hate women. women are important and good. doesn’t mean you still shouldnt be aware of the risks. doesnt mean you cant hate wh0res and sluts!

i know MJ is degen garbage but I still want to sm0ke it. I know my 1488 brethren are against it and that’s fine. but I’m the special snowflake where the rules dont apply to me hahaha. well they do, but I’m not gonna try to change THEIR minds. I essentially just want to use it to get thru my time of sorrow hahaha. use it for 3 months at a time and make time pass and get thru 1 day at a time. then quit. and hopefully at that time i will be magically more successful, and magically more over That Woman hahaha. i wouldnt go telling my 1488 buddies about it, nor would i expect them to understand, or approve.

but then I come on here and essentially I am a face for The Movement, and, as such, I should NOT be condoning something the Movement disapproves of.

in other words i am disobeying the movement. and certainly the movement, and the huhwhyte race, is 1488000000000000 times more important than sm0king MJ!!!!!!

I’m not gonna try to change the movement, im not gonna change their minds. but do I want to represent the movement? kind of. I want to make other whites more racially aware and awake. But I could never lead in the movement because of my own degeneracy and lack of achievement, and I understand that. I dont really want to lead anyway.

cant believe i never really saw dead poets society and now it is on tv and i am sorta watching it and it seems like it would be good if i actually paid attention to it hahahaha. ideally i would watch it with a nice gurl like that woman, that or watch it while totally blazed on degenerate weed hahahaha. hhehehehe. i want to get a job just so i can use it as an excuse to sm0ke w33d hahahaha.

what if it is a way to become closer to G-d hahahaha.  I could see that.

yeah just watching a movie with HER would have been really nice. i fantasized about that. sitting next to her and cuddling with her watching a tv or movie. without it ending in degenerate stuff , well the way we would do it wouldnt be degenerate. it would be the least secsy secs ever.

i hate how everything has to be secsy. thats not the way it is. thats j00ish poison saying cars have to be sexy and clothes have to be sexy and everything is supposed to remind you of fun, casual sexs. fook that shit.  fook these god damn degenerates.

i really should be paying more attention to this movie, i wuld probably enjoy it. fookin dad from that 70s show aka clarence boddicker, I didnt know he was in this. or ethan hawke for that matter. everyone plays a good role. more of an “ensemble” story than I thought. very 2 dimensional characters.  though they should give him the choice of going to harvard and being a doctor OR a lawer OR an engineer OR an accountant OR a banker OR a businessman hahahaha. there are many ways to be successful in life than just a DOCTOR. ESPECIALLY if you go to HARVARD. so his father should understand THAT at least.

also because I am a Sophisticated Cineast, I can see the parrallels between this and “picnic at hanging rock”, them both being Peter Weir pictures. Noice Australian Bloke.  Bruce Weir hahahahaha. (only me and the Aussieposting Aussies on the internet will get that joke.) knowing this will not get you a good wife or a good job hahaha. going to harvard and becoming a doctor OR lawyer OR engineer OR businessman OR banker will.

is he gonna K himself? clarences kid? dr wilson hahahaha. no he’s a good actor in this too. i hope he doesnt K himself. his father doesnt hate him, theres just a huge misunderstanding. oh that would be sad.

oh jeez i guess he did. well that sucks. live blogging me watching dead poets society.

well wouldnt it make sense more for him to just run away from home?

if i had been paying closer attention it probably would have made more sense.

anyway I will recruit whites for a white movement but I am not a leader and I will tell you right away to keep your damn MJ smoking in the closet. i am not really butthurt that they are against it. WELL, maybe I wish they would be a LITTLE more accepting of special snowflakes like me. because I’m using it as medicine to get through pain and grief, and also to get closer to my higher power hehehehe.

Can’t let the perfect be the enemy of the good hahahahaha. if MJ makes me a more happy white then so be it.

well i KNOW happiness is not the highest virtue. I dont really CARE about happiness. well, i DO care about being a confident man with agency who is able to shape the course of his life. And I think a man like this is probably likely to be somewhat happy as a by=product of all that agency and confidence and awesomeness.

really what i want is CONFIDENCE.

I felt some confidence after I finished that interview (even though the interview was only about average and not GREAT) and after I found that womans email address. I even used linkedin to try to connect wiht the third woman. I really doubt she will accept. but if she does, that will broaden my network in this organization with her 300 connections hahaha.

june 2

first day in a while did not have weird dreams. nothing with that woman. nothing with any woman. good. fook women, i hate them all hahahahahaha. no jk.

applied to a few jobs today, have been slowing down there. but its a very good way to keep the Stream of Unsuccessful Interviews coming regularly hahahaha. cuz it will take them a few weeks to interview view. if they even do that.

i watch all these crime and murder shows and there are these white people doing horrible things, people cheating on their spouses, killing each other. is this normal? well its not normal for most white spouses to disappear or K each other, but what about cheating?

wwwwwhat if i went out with her, woudl she ever cheat on ME?

probably hahaha. I would be the start of Her Cheating Career hahaha. never cheated on a man before me but by the time she got with me she was jaded. she didnt care who she hurts hahaha.

stories of people breaking up and getting back together. I hear gossip and its always interesting.

like this guy I know where a month ago he had “broke up” with his GF, which had happened at least 2 times before, but now they are back together and she is MOVING IN.  he is totally in luv with her and I do not trust her at all. i dont know the full story of course. I think he is so in luv with her, but he is understandably scared to Take The Next Step to have her Move In. beyond that its all speculation. maybe she gave him an ultimatum. let me move in with you or we are DONE.

she should not be giving ultimatums like that. i dont trust her at all. I dont want him to be so in luv with her, because now she has the power to DESTROY him. he can do BETTER.

and instead of ultimatums, why not have communication? negotiation and compromise and talking?????

i hate this breaking up and getting back together. it shows you havent THOUGHT and TALKED about it enough and is just some bitch being FLIGHTY and STUPID and EMOTIONALLY RETARDED. they dont know how to Have Relationships with Human Beings. they are like 50 foot baby with juggling flaming chainsaws hahahaha. 50 foot baby getting a mario invincibility star where they K everything they touch!!!!!!!!!

and then another story of another guy. an older man (early 40s) dating a much younger gurl (uhhhh early 20s). Everyone thought it was weird but I was like GOOD FOR HIM. but i guess the gurl was a real retard. dont think she was a slut though. but nobody liked the gurl. she was weird and stupid and unlikeable.  i was worried she would flake out, dump him, and he would be heartbroken for another 10 years.  so i heard he finished it with her. i asked for clarification, who dumped who. he dumped her. i thought well GOOD FOR HIM.

BUT apparently she dumped him a few times BEFORE. then they always got back together. but finally at the end, HE dumped her. that is GREAT. well, assuming marriage and children was not a possibility. and he decided he was done with her.

I never had that. I would essentially get dumped TWICE. when I was pseudodating these gurls, they would dump me, I would be heartbroken, but also try to get back together with them, then they would make out with me and cuddle with me again, I would get my hopes up, and they would “dump” me again soon after.

i would MUCHHHHHHHHH prefer to be in the situation of me wanting to dump them.

and i think it’s interesting how he was dumped the first time, but in the end, HE dumped HER. that means his mind and his feelings changed. from very good to not so good. I never had that happen. well, not until after I was dumped and I started to h8 the bitches hahahahaha.

basically I never have felt the want to dump a woman. Always the dumped, never the dumper.

if you cheating wife gets preggers from another man and you get mad and punch the wall, then YOU are the bad guy. You are abusing her and it’s your FAULT. you MADE her cheat on you and get preggers from another man.

I hate that shit about women. They do horrible shit and they COMPLETELY BLAME it on YOU. they can’t even admit a TINY FRACTION of responsibility.

even 1%! I’m not asking them to admit 50% like a mature adult grown up! but just admit 1%!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

A LITTLE IS A LOT BETTER THAN NOTHING!!!!!!!

why do they have to be so EXTREME????????? meet me 1% of the way at least!!!!!!!!!!

2016-06-02_13h39_54

if they give you the option to upload a resume for a 9 dollar an hour part time job, instead go ahead and upload 7 documents like this hahahahahaha.

heh. i am still hoping THAT WOMAN looks at muh LINKEDIN profile. then I will be able to see that she did. then I will contact her and say baby come back. you can blame it all on me hahahahahaha

cuz I used to be her one and only contact on linkedin until I cut off the connection. she simply doesnt use it, although she may well start using it now that she is on an intense job search. unless she immediately got a job through a friend. which is possible. i don’t want to google search her and look at her indeed resume or her linkedin to even try to confirm. i have her linkedin page blocked with a blocking plugin hahaha.

hey excuse me for caring about somebody that i was friends with for over 2 years hahaha. it wasnt all in my mind. damn.

was a little productive today. updating my resumes on several local hospital websites. last time i did my application I was lazy and didnt put all the employers. some didnt even have linkedin links. the linkedin link is a great value add IF they go to it because it contains everything. absolutely everything. out there for the whole world to see hahaha.

684 calories over the limit yesterday just for going out for social game and eating pizza. god damn. this is how EASY it is to GAIN WEIGHT.

so think about the other person who ate the same amount of pizza, some wings, and some beerz!!!!!! that is more in that one snack that a normie should be eating in a whole day! he is trying to lose weight too and goes to the gym diligently. but its just so easy to Overeat.

Eating as much as you really want is overeating, and you will gradually gain weight until you are Morbidly Obese.

Morbid Obesity is the logical conclusion of eating what you want.

Losing Weight Slowly is the logical conclusion of being slightly hungry most of the time hahahahaha.

I hate being slightly hungry most of the time hahahaha.

oh dear god that gets better every time i read it.

heh i guess r9k had a meme of “ROASTIES”

 

ok ok enough of these pictures.

anyway i am happy about the older man who dumped the younger gurl, even if she is younger, because it sounds like her youngness did not outweigh her worthlessness, and i like it when men dump women for a change hahahaha.

i am worried about the guy who is in luv with his flaky crazy GF who is moving in with him. i bet she is bipolar, she is going to make his life a living hell, and dump him WHILE she is living with him. i dont want that to happen to him, but there is no way I could convince him against this.

i guess technically “ROASTIES” dont actually indicate that a gurl is a huge whore. But you might be able to make them feel very insecure about it, and establish your masculine dominance and control. and then she wont leave you in the lurch, and will be loyal and nice to you!

you have to DOMINATE women in order to make them be NICE to you!

and i am not that good at DOMINATING anybody. i really dont CARE about DOMINATING anybody.

and that is why i am a total failure with wimmin hahahahaha.

sheeeeeit just got a rejection letter from university job that would have been SICK. was not a Finalist hahaha for that sweet union full time with benefits mon thru fri 14 dollar an hour job. i bet they would have liked my shitty coat and nervous, weird demeanor if they had called me in for an interview hahahahaha. i could tell them how fun it is to be a kissless virgin hahahaha.

000000622

is this meant to suggest, this confirmation number, that i am the 622th person to apply for this job? horry sheet that would suck. can’t be the 622th person to apply this day; what about this week? this month? this quarter? all time on the somewhat new job portal for this company?

god damn sperm guzzling btich with roasties hahahaha.

well i dont even care if they have roasties, as long as they have been with less than 10 guys.

i mean 5. hahaha

i mean 3.

3 to 10. 6.5 guys.

7 guys? eeeeeehhhhh still too much for my liking.

123 applied jobs, only 19 rejections hahahaha. and then 123-19 jobs that didn’t bother to send a rejection email hahahahahahaha.

so im obviously Shotgunning resumes and not TAILORING each application with the individualized attention it NEEDS! and or there is something GLARINGLY wrong that I am just not seeing, and need to have someone else look at this shit!

but I HAVE gotten interviews!

but the interviews havent led to an Offer!

but the shittiest jobs MIGHT give me an offer!

but they havent yet! plus I am leaning heavily towards saying NO to those offers hahaha.

the WAY women have relationships, and essentially the way they TREAT PEOPLE, is just disgusting and distasteful. I would NEVER treat people like that, and I can’t believe how they have no remorse over doing things. Not even serious things per se, but still things I wouldn’t personally ever do.  like being in a pseudodating secsual rel for “a minute”, or not discouraging thirsty omega orbiters. yeah the orbiters are stupid and retarded but WHY ARE YOU STILL HANGING OUT WITH THEM? JUST TELL THEM YOURE NOT INTERESTED!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! when you continue to hang out with them, THATS LEADING THEM ON!!!!!! STOP LEADING GUYS ON!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

ANd they are always leading some guy on AT ALL TIMES!!!!!!!!!!

stop being so shitty!!!!!! just treat people like HUMAN BEINGS!!!!!!!

dont just keep breaking up with a person and getting back together, have a serious grown up talk about things!

make an effort!

show even just 1% accountability and responsibility!

try to act even 1% more mature than a damn BIG BABY!!!!

just give a LITTLE! doesnt even NEED to be a LOT!

yet this is asking too much of women.

Am I asking them to be more than what they naturally are? why is what they naturally are so god damn ridiculously DISAPPOINTING???????? Can’t you just be a LITTLE disappointing and not a LOT??????

Untitled

hmmm i think there is too big a rand for cyborgs, or robots for that matter too. i was hoping to get at least slightly strange. although i only added them up once. maybe i forgot to add one or two on the calculator hahahaha.

yeah its gonna be real hard to get to normie. i wish getting a loser job would give you 20 points insteaed of just 4 hahahah. WHO CAME UP WITH THIS? huge wizards and robots thats who.  so i think they would want an exclusive club and would err on the side of mislabeling a neet as a normie, ie giving more points for secs or making out with a grill or having a job. well i used to have an attractive face, hahahaha. now i just look like an old weirdo. my face got old hahaha.

yeah ok i am gonna go for a longer than 70 minute powerwalk, more like 90 min. need to burn 684 calkories hahahahaha.

https://mobile.twitter.com/davidscottjaffe/status/729131922413129728

the guy who created the tuffguy violent vidya game god of war 10 years ago now goes for 900000000000000 tweets on implicit systematic institutionilized sexist and patriachy of a prom photograph hahahaha. he says he doesnt even know who anita sarkeesian is hahahaha.