sat nov 25

april 11

welp a ridiculously slow day today, i dont deserve this, nobody deserves a job this easy ahhahahahaha. well im not making enough money to live or be an adult, so that is the price i pay for an easy stress free job.

but lately i was worried because i wasnt making progress on this project, it seemed to be like NAILING JELLO TO THE WALL, and it was not just frustrating but made me NERVOUS. like why is this affecting me. why dont i just power through with brute force. obviously i am thinking too much. i need to stop thinking and just start doing. after a full day of doing that, i felt bad and weak. like jeez i dont even deserve THIS job, i am damn near DISABLED, I will NEVER be a full adult, i should just get on SSI. gummint handouts. honest to god NEETBUX.

anyway the good news is that i made some progress there and feel i have started to get a handle on things. and really the main thing there was just less thinking, more doing, approaching things like a BEAST. like a TERMINATOR.

This is good Life Advice in general! dont get so damn EMOTIONAL. better to be less emotional than more emotional.

i guess you can start trying to be more emotional if you end up hurting other people like a sociopath.

i saw a nice column in dear annie or annies mailbox today, where there was a woman saying she felt guilty because she Threw A Man Away and Ghosted Him without a Word, because she was just too immature and cowardly to deal with the situation, and 3 years later, she realizes what a great guy he was, and how much she probably hurt him, and now she just wants to APOLOGIZE so she stops feeling like a horrible person, he didnt deserve to be dumped so harshly.

annie says its fine to apologize, just be VERY CLEAR about your expectations and dont lead him on.

i was just happy that there was a woman out there with a sense of guilt, who felt bad about throwing a guy away like a piece of garbage hahahaha. i wondered if it was really That Woman writing in hahaha. but no, she said she actually Dated the guy for Three Months hahahaha. so nope.

dating of course just means fooking. so while i never “dated” that woman for 3 whole months, i did KNOW her for 3 (approx) YEARS, which I think counts for SOMETHING, and these fooking women CHILDREN apparently think counts for NOTHING. you fook some chad once one night and means more than someone you knew for 10 years but never fooked. its all c0ch and cvnt with this negrobrained cvnts. all they KNOW is SECS SECS SECS hahaha.

OK I AM OVERREACTING AGAIN, JUST LIKE A WOMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

anyway. i was just ahppy to hear a woman out there felt bad about hurting a guy hehehe. have a damn CONSCIENCE hehehehe. i mean I WANT you to feel bad about hurting muh fee fees hahahaha.  feel a LITTLE bad. yeah im responsible for my own feelz but that still doesnt mean what you did was JUST FINE!

anyway. i was trying to find a copy of the article but cant haha.

ok here it is, its DEAR ABBY

http://www.uexpress.com/dearabby/2017/4/11/0/woman-who-fled-from-love-now

want to get the comments too:

https://pastebin.com/vgHgwAES

heh there is all the comments

hehehe well what if the guy HAS spent the last 3 years PINING hahahahaha

but yeah it IS probably stupid to say i luv u 3 months in.

but…..when you are banging a beautiful young gurl and she seems to like you……yeah i could see this happening to me hahaha. i would prob say it too hahaha. i thought i luved those gurls too.

damn. was doing really well at poker table then i LOST IT ALL. i am literally THE WORST, DUMBEST poker player EVER. i have learned NOTHING in like 4 years of playing. havent even got 1% better.

but anyway. yeah if That Woman contacted me 2 years later, i would still take her back, ive still been pining for her, and what is really sucky is that she would probably still be immature and stupid about it, like I feel so bad, I feel like a horrible person, I dont want to feel bad any more, I I I Me Me Me Me, when the thing to recognize is YOU didnt deserve this. i mean really she should make it about ME, not hear, make her motivations and expectations clear as abby says, and shes too stupid to do that, and she also prob wouldnt show the forethought that maybe I found a better woman, maybe I got married and had a family, and so she wants to word this very carefully so as not to disrupt my marriage. i dont think she would be smart enough to do any of this. yet im still pining for her, i would totally take her back, i havent found anyone better, i fear I’ll NEVER find anyone better, i would take her back, and then she would probably dump me again!!!!!!!!

and NO I never said those words to HER!!!!!! i felt it but I know you’re not allowed to say the words until youve been fooking the person monogamously for a year. which is damn near impossible hahahaha.

i read ALL the comments. heh. i suppose I will stop pining for her but it will take more than two years hehehe. and if she cant apologize within 2 years then fook her hahahahaha. like all the negros that have fooked her in the last 2 years.

stupid goddamn poker. was doing SUPER GOOD, which is RARE, now I LOST IT ALL and THEN some.

the ROI is about as good with a damn WOMAN. meaning, the costs huegly outweigh the benefits!

but im obviously not the typical man because i would LIKE that apology! and if SHE’s listening to THESE people, they would tell her leave him alone, he’s forgotten about you. but I havent! i would LUV to hear from her! SO MAYBE I SHOULD CONTACT HER and let her know that! hey just doing my now once a year CHECK IN to see if you want to apologize, maybe get married, have children, or are you not fat and used up and desperate enough yet?

i mean im no NICEGUY hahahaha. i fooking damn near H8 Women! hahaha.

hey cmon im seeing a damn shrink and taking meds. and i uhhhh am not getting involved with any other women until i get over this one. and become a full adult man. which will probably NEVER HAPPEN hahahaha.

so yeah. SHEd have to be a weirdo to apologize, and I”D have to be a weirdo to want it and accept it. well i know I am that kind of weirdo! and so if she apologizes that means she is the right kind of weirdo for me and we were meant to be together!

so obviously i NEED to be seeing a shrink! but i AM! but OBVIOUSLY its not ENOUGH! i either need to be going MORE, or going to a diff shrink, because its NOT WORKING!

heh. this is actually probably true hehehe.

well i spend more on shrink than on gas but less than on car insurance hehehehe. i really dont want to spend any more on shrink. i guess i am just in too much of COMFORT ZONE with muh shirnk and also am not courageous enough to talk about the most important topics.

april 12

pining for the fookin fjords hahaha.

had a positive good dream where i was basically a normie. i was a young man in univ and i was gonna become a successful normie, and i had a nice gf who was qt and nice. i was committed to her and she was committed to me. i was cuddling hardcore with her. we had been monog for a while and it was a long term thing. if this keeps going we might get married and have chirren. we had a good rel and i wasnt a supplicating omega either. i was confident and not constantly afraid of Losing Her. and I had faith that she was committed to me and wouldnt suddenly disappear one day.

the important thing was that it was a cmpletely fictional fantasy dream girl. it wasn’t THat Woman or any other woman I had ever met. It was probably a Composite Physically of several women I’ve met. but the important thing was, it was no one in particular. it was a young qt gurl with beautiful blond hair and white skin. possibly glasses, possibly tomboyISH.

but yeah. basically it was a SIGN that I COULD get over That Woman. if I met a young qt woman who cared about me, made an effort with me, then I could prob get feelings for her as I had feelz for this fantasy woman in muh dream. it doesnt HAVE to be THAT woman! That Woman is not The Final Woman Ever! so that was kinda reassuring. and nice to feel those feels for woman who was not that woman, and to get some reciprocation on it. to be committed to somebody who was actually interested and committed to me.  overally, pretty positive dream. felt good about it.

so anyway. i know not all women are stupid fookin children because i have personally met them! shit even SHE was better than the final painful end which will be the main thing I remember her by! but she was a decent person to, compromised by fear and weakness, as was I. usually, normally, i’m not such a damn big coward, but it was a bad day for me hahaha. let me have that much. yeah i am more cowardly in general than i would like but still.

I would have at least wrote a letter to selfishly appease the guilt and shame that was eating me inside hahahaha.

im just think about all this because of that stupid dear abigail letter yesterday, thats all.

shit you know she could even have another person act as messenger. her mother. our mutual friend. she could find out thru her if i am happily married or not, if i would be willing to read a letter from her or not. and she could get their Wise Mature Adult Counsel on how not to be an Idiot Child. you dont have to do it alone! you can get help from others! this isnt like WORK hahahahaha. you can get HELP from people who know better than you, so you can make a better decision, get a better outcome. shit you can pay a professional to help you or to do it for you.

shit i would have paid for the shrink FOR HER to dump me for her hahaha. would be way cheaper than me paying my shrink for 20 sessions to help me Deal With It hahahahaha.

they didnt mention that one about the neutral third party! although i think our third party is more biased in my favor hahahaha. as they should be hahahahaha.

where’s an Education Expert who is Notorious for being A Racist.

Who’s a Relationship Counselor who is notorious for being a racist.

who’s a Moral Philosopher….

who’s a sociologist, psychologist, policy expert, teacher, attorney, doctor, expert in their field, who does good Expert Level Research, and writes in a convincing way for a nonexpert audience, and is also a racist?

i was just thinking of the DNA biologist/geneticist Watson. won a nobel prize for discovering the DNA helix but was shamed and shunned for being just the slightest bit racist. also i think some brain IQ people like Gardner were kind of like this.

Lynn and Rushton are some “big names” i can think of of phds who studied the concept of race, determined it was real, and we called racist.

of course kevin macdonald.

and what do the haters do? they say these peoples works are not based on Good Science. Don’t listen to Watson, his Research Method was flawed, his statistics were shitty and do not support these conclusions.

Heh. I forgot greg johnson has a phd. david duke has a phd. but no one respects david duke’s phd.

what if he got it from harvard? then I bet they would respect it more!

I know watson was less racist than david DUKE. not that I care. i mean my point is, I want MORE scientists, researchers, phds, experts to be racists, and to be MORE racist!

or at least de-marxify Education and Psychology for a start. I would think seriously about a Masterz Degree in those fields if they werent totally jooed! but they ARE! you cant get a nonjooish education/training in those fields! you cant study a NONjooed theory and practice on how to educate people! its all about closing achievement gaps and uplifting browns. I DONT CARE ABOUT THAT STUFF.

And you know what if I actually came up with a theory and a Way to help Losers become Winners, I am PRETTY sure it would work across ALL races, even if I really only CARED about whites, even if race does matter in other things. im not so sure it would REALLY mattter with the people I was trying to help. neet omega losers. if nonwhites wanted to use it, go right ahead. i dont HATE nonwhites in that way, that I would DENY them something that might HELP them.

we are not LITERALLY throwing nonwhites into ovens and laughing with sadistic glee.

just the jooz hahahahahaha.

9.60$ buy of bitcoin every week.

GLR complained that in 1965 ish, only 20% of white goys went to college, while 80% of jooz went to college, therefore we needed to get more goys into college, or else the way it was going, the whites would end up working for the jooz.

well he wasnt wrong in that conclusion, but i don’t think he could have possibly seen how getting 90% of goys and 100% of jooz into college would have also produced a shitty situation of Credentialism and Useless Degrees and Student Debt Slavery.

also they didnt have as bad of student loans back then. and college was cheaper.

but then just today I heard a bunch of stories of MFA and even BFA students who all became successful. by age 25. some of them were black women. with a BFA only. but through hard work, persistence, motivation, they were able to be successful with a useless degree. much moreso than me. so therefore the problem was always ME, not “useless degrees.”

but it sucks that i cant even defend the race i luv. well, i can a little bit, from the most bad faith jooish attacks, but i cant WIN any people. I cant SELL muh race in that I could take a hwyte person who felt no real connect to their race, believes that race is a social construct, i dont have an ingroup, i dont care if my children are mixed race…..and convert them into someone that DOES have a preference for their own ingroup. someone that doesnt WANT to race mix any more. somebody that WANTS their children to be their own race and not mixed race.

and that i dnt have the rigor or the guts or the composure or the will or the strength to argue for my own race in the courtroom of life and say, here is the irrefutable evidence that Diversity Is Bad For Everyone, or here’s why we DONT need more Social Programs because They Just Wont Work because what works for whites doesnt work for blacks.

i cant argue ANY of this. or that if blacks were given the same OPPORTUNITIES as hwytes, then there WOULD be equality of outcome. but we still need to level the playing field MOAR.

the best I can do is donate a LITTLE money. I can’t even have CHILDREN.

also it only makes SENSE that Normies would connect my Strange Racial Fixation to my own Failure to Achieve. I’ve achieved NOTHING of my own, so I CLING to the achievements of my race.

So I’m a TERRIBLE rep for muh race in other words. have this LOSER represent you? and maybe if he werent such a lazy loser and had actually achieved something in life like decent normal people. other white racists have achieved something.  normies who have achieved decent careers and families arent huge flaming racists. all those nice white middle class professionals with their white children. raising them up to be nice antiracists and they grow up happy and successful and STILL marry whites.

well ive known a COUPLE people who race mixed though. i mean middle class professionals within 5 years of my age. but I think 80% of the masters degree middle class antiracist hwyte people are NOT gonna race mix, at least in terms of who they ultimately marry and have kids with.

well i guess my job might be to urge other neet virgin loser omegas that its ok to Luv Your Own Race. Period.  And usually thats enough to get you to stop wanting to Pay Reparations to the races your race oppressed back in the day hahahahahahaha.

and i also just get very frustrated that you cant question Whyte Privilege or the Reality of Systemic Structural Antiblack Racism without being called STUPID and IGNORANT and UNEDUCATED and UNINTELLIGENT and UNINTELLECTUAL.

that to become an EDUCATED INTELLECTUAL, you HAVE to believe in Radical Civil Rights and That Negrisi Coates-tier Reparations. to proudly say FOOK THAT BULLSHIT is MUTUALLY EXCLUSIVE with being an EDUCATED INTELLECTUAL. And for the longest time, and still sort of currently, I want to be an Educated Intellectual, or, more precisely, have Intelligent Successful Professionals recognize and respect my own Intelligent Professional Successful Intellect! Not think of you as a Dumb Racist and shake their heads and wonder how he got that way, i mean he DID go to college. this guy must have some SERIOUS mental issues.

obviously i never go around talking about what a racist I am! but to know that I AM a racist and if these people knew, they would think a LOT less of me. they might give me the benefit of the doubt for Really Seeming like a Loser now, because well he seems like a nice mild-mannered somewhat awkward but good natured guy……but if they found out I was a huge racist, all that benefit of the doubt would be gone.

i mean they’ll never find out because i’ll never tell them.

but its just the principle of the matter. i hate feeling like I couldnt stand up and defend my race IF I were called to do so. and that I feel completely unable to be an ambassador for my race. that reaching out to other whites and chipping away at their racial unawareness, is completely beyond me.

well, maybe some people are meant to be racially aware, and others unaware. and me evangelizing would be as obnoxious as goddamn jehovahs witnesses coming to your door.

i mean really i probably got to develop some kind of self confidence FIRST, BEFORE I can start trying to WIN other people to the cause hehehe.

i think i might go see the joo bob dylan this summer. he is coming on a day I could ostensibly go, and I have some income I can justfy spending. I do say kudos to this joo for playing like 300 shows a year at 75 years of age. also pretty sure he still puts on good shows too, has a good band basically.

oh goody, Richard Spencer making another college appearance on april 18 at Auburn. Pretty big name skool.

https://bbs.dailystormer.com/t/german-woman-marrying-brother-of-christmas-attacker-after-contacting-him-following-the-attack/98700

heh stupid women

QUOTE  nb4 “J00s are responsible for the behavior of women” – that isn’t even true. J00s are responsible for the social and political factors that allowed women to behave like this, but women will always naturally make the most destructive decisions imaginable, in any given situation.

If you doubt that, try to get out of TV land for a moment and just think about the people around you. The women in your life, in your friends’ lives, the women you knew in school, the women you know from work – what are the overwhelming majority of them acting like? Are they making good decisions? END

interesting because whenever i find myself in a Women Hating thing, I say, its not their fault, its really JOOZ fault, dont hate women, hate the jooz that made them this way. and then Anglin says this hahahahaha.

welp….the women I actually know at the moment are making all right decisions. of course, these are the women I see at muh job and they are all 48, 53 years old. have children and did not frivorce their husbands.

i am sure all the women under 30 are making horrible decisions, but i dont really know any. i can nly speculate about sluts i see for 2 seconds. they dont LOOK like they make good decisions.

but hey the woman in this article is a fat slob who has 2 mud kids anyway.

https://bbs.dailystormer.com/t/uk-polish-girl-killed-by-kebab-shop-boyfriend-for-cheating-on-him-with-other-paki/98702

“THERE ARE NO GOOD WOMEN” hehehehehehe.

you can take a “nice” polish girl, put her in degenerate londonstan, and she quickly becomes a huge mudshark degenerate.

another QUOTE from forum user: White women here and in Europe are totally degenerate, regardless of how much feminism they have been exposed to.
For a period of a few years I was a manic serial dater, sometimes staggering 3-4 dates in a single day.
I got to a point where I could get a girl’s life story out of her in less than an hour. What I would be specifically looking for is if they ever had an interracial relationship. I won’t go into the subtle process by which I led into that question but of the women I met at least 50-75% of the women had f00ked a negro.
These were White women from all kinds of socio-economic backgrounds and none of them were hard drug users.
It seemed like it was almost a rite of passage for the ones who had attended university or grad school.
It was just another thing to try, like some ethnic cuisine.
From these experiences I can unequivocally say I truly despise women. END

NICE hahahaha favorited. would like to hear his subtle process hehehe. i would like to do what he is doing. i dont know if he managed to eventually find a good wife. i hope he did. plenty of men on DS forum have. i mean you need to go thru a lot of chaff. this is what i need to start doing. its a numbers game.

and g0d what about the women who HADNT been to university. the more working class vs the middle class. fact is, mudsharks come in all classes. working, middle, educated, noneducated, it doesn’t matter.

QUOTE We should really invest in artificial wombs, women are no longer reliable to do the only f00king thing they should do
Or hire poor mud women to be surrogate mothers of high-quality White sperm and eggs. That’s the biological equivalent of an artificial womb. END (ive seen this idea before, that is INTERESTING af. how much of the nonwhite surrogates hormones would influence the development of the hwyte baby?

now go give anglin some shekels, he’s probably only got 2000 lousy dollars in his btc wallet hahahaha. it would be nice to meet Anglin some day but im not gonna stalk him. i dont want to stalk ANYBODY EVER. its not normal, its not right, its not hwyte. but he is one of muh fav people, i have kinda a mancrush, and yeah i do have some trust in him as a leader figure. i know he doesn’t go into public but i would like it if he did. i would like someone a little more extreme than spencer going public.

i also support giving dnations to matt Heimbach and traditionalist workers/youth.  they need to make that easier hehehe. and sell t-shirts.

meh. doing better today at cards than i was yesterday thats for sure. THANK GOD. yesterday i was way up, then lost it all. now i’m up again and just hope to keep it that way.

if a person doesn’t feel any CONNECTION to their race, they are prob more likely to race mix. so we should try to encourage a CONNECTION to our race.

now, women. is it TOO MUCH TO EXPECT? we said that women arent concerned with loyalty to the ingroup. they will just conform with whatever is STRONGEST, regardless of race. but maybe if their FATHER can instill a connection to her race, that would be good.

i feel a strong connection to muh race and say ABSOLUTELY NOT to the idea of race mixing. MAYBE I would BANG a nonwhite just because I am insanely DESPERATE. but never marry, have rel, or have children with.

also wouldnt it be pretty symbolic for me to bang a young arab moslem gurl hahahaha. be like RACE WAR NOW. occasionally you see a 20 year old moslem gurl that is not terrible looking. but damn they probably have really hairy arms and smell terrible. i mean its a slippery slope and i shouldnt even joke about desperation banging a nonwhite.

aprl 13

https://bbs.dailystormer.com/t/charging-bull-artist-calls-out-debauched-feminist-perversion-of-fearless-girl/98896

women are sadists who enjoy destroying and ruining things sadistically, destroying things, turning the positive into negative hahaha.

wow who broke anglins heart hahahaha.

no i totally sympathize. but i just want to repeat that the women I personally know in real life, who all happen to be above 45 years old, do not seem this bad at all. someone needs to white knight for the over 45 women hahaha. they arent that bad. but yeah. the under 45s need to be physically restrained.

so are they like kali? or shiva? whats the difference?

i also heard about this kalki, who is the destroyer of FILTH. thats a great one for me. I would be kalki then.

heh that might be the most woman hating thread yet. i am pumping muh fist and saying YUSS YUSS YASS after every woman hating post.

https://bbs.dailystormer.com/t/worthless-marxist-whore-asks-is-it-time-to-deny-white-men-the-franchise/99009

hehehe probable joo in south africa sez its time to take away the vote from hwyte men in that country. pay your dues oppressors!

this is what RADICAL TRANSFORMATION looks like!!!!!

transformational leadership hehehehe.

well yeah i guess im looking to transform stuff to. meaning get the j’s out and put the hwyte man back in power hahahaha.

http://archive.is/lvijm

porn as a secret weapon by laksha darkmoon, i know ive seen this before, prob worth looking at, saw somebody on DS link it

ok looks pretty wise the JP hahahaha

https://www.darkmoonDOTme/2014/sex-plague-the-normalization-of-deviance-and-depravity-by-lasha-darkmoon/

ok this one looks pretty good too, i should start reading this site. if this is really a woman, they are pretty smart for a woman hahahaha.

 

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WHEN YOU WANT IT DONE FAST *AND* RIGHT

april 5

http://bbs.dailystormer.com/t/women-running-5-dollar-tinder-scam-judenpresse-praises-them-as-heroes/96454

this guy eric striker i know ive liked some of his articles before. but this is a new low ahaha. i used to think my great business idea was to pay normie, non-hooker women to hang out with you and pretend to be interested in you. hangout hookers or hug hookers or cuddle hookers. pay 50 bucks for 15 minutes of cuddling, that kind of thing, to get kind of a GFE from a woman who was not an ACTUAL hooker.

so whats happening now is that normie, nonhooker, 20 year tinder slut college gurls are just saying send me 5 bucks and see what happens.

NOTHING. its actually pretty smart but TOTALLY jooish. of course men will pay for any hint of a woman and here we have a young attractive gurl who actually is taking advantage of that. she is getting hundreds of dollars a week from one slutty picture. DAMN.

you could probably also shake your CLOTHED tits and ass on camera and make a few hundred a week doing that. its kinda less slutty than actually fooking the guy or showing your tits. but it is very very very jooish and i wouldnt want a wife who did any of that shit.

im not even paying attention to the news. apparently trvmp is cucking and selling out to his joo kushner hahahah. and jooing over god emperor bannon. bannon kicked off security council. trvmp cucking to israel so they can use isis to take over syria and grab more land for israel hahaha.

i dont understand why israel just cant like take over a yuge part of syria right now and without the US’s involvement. i mean they are rich and they have bombz.

something about syrian gas attack, assad gassing children, and now trump needs to support israel in attacking assad and liberating syria or some shit

what if the US goes into syria and wipes out assad AND isis?  would that be ok? well i think actually assad is super dangerous because he is a legit threat to israel. kind of.

ok so russia is backing assad…..

israel is backing isis…..

US is on the fence….

iran….backing assad???

saudi arabia….backing isis??? because saudis are a joo puppet?? i cant remember hahahaha

so ivanka aka “yael” is totally jooed and her and kushner are manipulating daddy into war with russian and iran. that is the idea. and make shitloads of money off that war.

heh. well iran is pretty useless but it would be heartbreaking to go to war with RUSSIA. no more wars with whites. but i thought russia was jooed too?

there is a new guy on DS claiming to be a Washington Insider who worked to get Trvmp in, and is now feeling betrayed by stuff thats going on right now in that vein. nationalists like bannon on the way out, zionists and neocohens like kushner on the way up.

http://bbs.dailystormer.com/t/bannon-kicked-off-national-security-council-wtf-is-this-shit/96768/

this story. some black pilling shit here hahaha. havent been wathcing news.

havent been reading GLR!

so this is trump softening and selling out to the joo basically, letting us all down. i guess its not surprising and we should enjoy the good times while they lasted. well we did!

so yeah i guess today was a big day. i have not watched any MSM yet, only read daily stormer forums and a lot of action on these stories. not really a bad way to get news hahaha althoguth this news does not sound good from here.

jordan is on the side of the joos.

so ww3 is going to be us, israel, jordan, saudi?, the joo N, the E Joo, vs syria, russia, china, iran?

and russia is going fly nukes into the US? i guess thats the plan hahahaha.

basically i am seeing shit TURNING for the first real time today. i mean i need to sleep on this a few nights like i do with anything thats even a medium deal.

so kushner is controlling trvmp thru daddys little gurl. yeah i mean it makes sense. i always knew that was gonna be a Chink in the Armour.  just wasnt sure how or when it would play out.

some people are full blown the end is near, you need to be prepping with food and ammo and gunz cuz there will be blood in the streets in the US

sheeeeeeeeit i guess i will be sorry for not being serious about prepping.

george feels having drama with some autistic tomboy weight lifting gurl he liked. then some stupid shit happened and she talked shit about him, he possibly talked shit about her, i dont care, im on georges side here hahaha. i am slowly raising my bet on him hahahaha.

pretty sure i am too old to be drafted into war for ZOG hahaha.

but i wont be able to defend muh fambly from negros and arabs when the power goes out for a month and people cant get gas or electric or food. so nonwhite mobs will roam the streets with gunz and we will need to protect our homes and families with gunz.

unless these are jooish anti-trump SHILLS trying to turn people against trump hahahaha with joo lies i mean i wouldnt be surpirsed by that either

whatever it is, i am certain the j’s are behind it. prove me fookin wrong.

some might think i am a J because I am so vehmently anti-j hahahaha. there’s really i can say to that except to tell you one of my best qualities is my GOOD FAITH. you can trust me to come in good faith and tell you what i believe is the truth. i might not be courageous to stand up for the truth though! but i come in good faith 99.99999999% of the time.

im not even RIGHT all of the time. but i will in good faith admit when i am wrong. shit i am wrong about 50% of things. and the other 50% of times, i just confused and Just Dont Know.

But I do know that I am right about these J’s. they have to go back.

Esp funny, since the vast majority of Actual Joos I’ve met in my life have been pretty much decent people. even the slutty leftist jooish women. they weren’t Evil People. I don’t THINK.

But the Joos as a WHOLE GROUP, have caused so much damage it cant be denied.

h0l0c0st denier? how about h0l0c0st TRUTH denier HAHAHAHAHAHAHA

most of the individual jooz i’ve met have been ok-to-pretty-darn-good people. but my problem is with the GROUP, not some individuals of the group, and their whole GROUP needs to go back. period. the good does not outweigh the bad.

they have turned our men into phaggots and our women into mudshark whores. they are a CANCER to our people. this has been going on for THOUSANDS of years in MANY different countries of goys.

http://bbs.dailystormer.com/t/man-captures-images-of-jews-shape-shifting-in-and-out-of-their-white-disguise/96044

eric striker muh lad another great article hehehehe

THEY ADMIT IT THEMSELVES!!!! this is one thing that finally sold me. the PRETEND to be hwyte when they are apologizing for how evil and racist hwytes are, my fellow hwytes, you dont GET to tone police PoCs on the the systematic racism of police brutality……and then sooner or later, oy vey im jooish! and having pizza and wine for purim. oy vey! there are many atheist jews, its not just a religion! except when it is!

GLR is talking about this exact thing in WP on page 125 or so.  They are CONSTANTLY SHAPE SHIFTING and Shedding Skin whenever it suits them, between 3 main forms: a RELIGION, a RACE, and a NATION. we’re not this, we’re that! we’re not that, we’re this now!

you anti semite! you wouldnt say all catholics or all lutherans!

you anti semite! muh shoah, muh 6 gorillion!

the goddamn CHUTZPAH!!!!!!!!

HE CRIES OUT AS HE STRIKES YOU!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

that eric striker article above points this out brilliantly. curating some tweets from wagner clemente soto. who was following ME back in 2011 when i had a semi-political, semi-racial twitter. i was proto-alt-right in 2011 hahahahahahahhahahahahaha.

my fellow hwytes, we all benefit from hwyte privilege, and heres why, and we dont get to tone police and we dont get to tell PoCs how to feel bla bla bla bla. ALWAYS a joo! well….not always. I’ve seen actual hwyte people who talk like this. damn THOSE are SAD!

april 6

hmm still watching this twin peaks pilot. this is confusing af. i watched all of twin peaks once, all the way thru, one episode after the other, like 13 years ago.

shit i forgot about the race mixing with sheriff truman and the chinee bitch who had race mixed prior with the superrich capitalist mr packard. why do these powerful white men fall for this gold digging chinee skank?

theres some other degenerate stuff like laura palmers secret life, but thats not GLORIFIED like this race mixing. and the chinee woman is portrayed as all WISE and SERIOUS and PROFOUND and DEEP and important and respected and respectable. to be fair, she does have a low energy demeanor and is not all shrill……but marrying a superrich wood baron? come on. its obvious.

but yeah there is so much going on here. i dont remember ANY of this.

also i dont think its really fair to say good clean SMALL TOWN GOYIM are  THIS degenerate. youre WRONG about that DAVID LYNCH. sometimes people just ARE squeaky clean. I guess dale cooper and sheriff truman represent that. fine. i mean i can tell lynch APPRECIATES that nondegenness. i just think he appreciates the degen a little too much!

so am I against the lesbian shit in mulholland dr, one of muh fav movies of all time?

man. i can live with ditching woody allen, but i would be SAD about having to ditch dave lynch.

I really hope he doesnt joo out with the NEW twin peaks. that is the biggest thing he’s done in 10 years and it might be the last thing he ever does because he is getting OLD. i hope it isnt totally jooed. im sure it will be a LITTLE jooed because the ORIGINAL was a little jooed in 1990.

ok. had a dream last night with THAT WOMAN. i was talking to her and trying to get her to pay attention to me but she was ignoring me. this kinda happened in real life too. i just really hated being ignored by her. i know how that sounds. makes me the bad guy who always NEEDS something. and yeah i WAS that a bit too much.

anyway in dream she turned around suddenly and snapped, “I REALLY, REALLY, REALLY hope you get the help you so desperately need for your ANXIETY ISSUES.” then turned immediately back around and resumed ignoring me.

that was interesting. it basically says, no i DONT really care, take your stupid ISSUES and leave me alone.

which i guess is prob what she WAS actually thinking.

at THAT time, I WAS filled with severe anxiety about everything! now, not so much, thank GOD. I’m doing OK with ANXIETY, thank GOD. but negative attitude is still RAAAAAAGING.

dream did not ruin day. her appearance was very very brief. nowhere NEAR as bad as the dream i had with her like 5 days ago.

but yeah lesson is, NEVER be passive agressive with women. they hate it, and you hate it too. just rip the band aid off and say what you wanna say and get it over with.

had fairly unproductive day.  because people aren’t expecting me to create/publish/deliver something every 20 minutes, i can get away with procrastinating on shit. tasks that i SHOULD BE doing, but i get STUCK like a deer in headlights and just start clicking tabs. I’m not even ENJOYING the procrastination. I WANT to be doing my task. it would HELP if somebody were ON MY ASS every 20 minutes saying, lemme see where you are at here. ok, this isn’t working, so you do this now.

when this is not how normie adults work! they are self-starting!

so now I gotta play CATCH UP over the weekend. and get to a point by monday that I feel  I SHOULD have gotten to today. and then some, as a show of good will. good faith. extra added value.

so yeah. i can see why ANYONE hate passive aggressive wimpy shit, and i only ever do it with women, not men, and i do it because i am SCARED to say whats REALLY on my mind. never again.

sucks to be so red pilled you cant even enjoy twin peaks any more! shit remember the MOVIE was een more degenerate! remember that david lynch is kinda a pervert that likes to show tits and ass!

so he’s always been kinda jooed, but its DISAPPOINTING because you know he’s a goy at heart.  and in many ways luvs his inner goy as he should. but he also needs to defoo the joo within, and i dont think he will, if he hasn’t by age 75 or however old he is. the new twin peaks will prob be jooed wtih plenty of tits, ass, and dark sleazy jooish degeneracy.

but it will DEF get lots of people talking about david lynch, prob the most they ever did since the LAST twin peaks 26 years ago. i mean REALLY. how many people saw inland empire, let alone people like me who saw it literally 10 times.

however there is no one else ever who has tapped into this Scary Dark place that Lynch has. it is very primordial and very very terrifying, i guess i like that sense of fear.

and joos live their lives that way and want us to too. to be thrown in that black jooish void of chaos, fear, terror, horror. perhaps lovecraft was also getting at this. and lovecraft def knew the deal with the J’s! could lynch maybe do a good lovecraft story? MAYBE. MAYBE. but i cant see lynch adapting other people (see dune) and i cant see lovecraft being made into a film. even a crazy lynch film.

but yeah. even in “squeaky clean” 1990 twin peaks, where 99.999999% of people are whyte except for the chinee and a few injuns, people dress like its 1950, they still all do degen shit like Cheating and Cocaine and Fornication.

High school kids that are 25 years old and cheating and fooking and doing coke! come on!

EVERYBODY is cheating on their husband or wife! I forgot about this aspect.

It’s nice that it shows women are dirty heartless bitches….but the men are no better! they are just as sleazy….and even STUPIDER.

COME ON DAVE!!!!!!

i mean its not like i didnt know what twin peaks WAS. and that it was like this 26 YEARS ago.

is The Subconscious Inherently Jooish? I don’t know. I don’t think so, even though a lot of jooish shit IS subconscious, like everything Freud talked about. your subconscious wants to fook your own mother. have your mother peg you with a strapon. jooish bullshit like that.

like your (((((((id)))))))) is at core, this jooish hideous thing ….. or at best, just a muh dick negro!

no theres a hwyte PERSPECTIVE on the subconscious, that you have this noble core, or maybe some kind of shared European Subconscious.

heh. i wish lynch would use his transcendental meditation to meditate more on THIS. on his hwyte soul. he obviously is getting into some very deep corners of the soul. just wish he could show more of the good hwyte parts.

so no I dont believe he is racially aware and I would love for him to be.

he’s always been one of muh favorite filmmakers. but so was woody allen. who ive since disavowed. i would not be so HAPPY about disavowing lynch because he’s far less jooish than allen.

another great example. harmony korine. he made two excellent movies, gummo and julien donkey boy. i have seen both many, many times. i guess you could say he is a more jooish form of lynch! when i was young i had no concept of korine being jooish. in fact, i bet he might not even be obsessed with his own jooishness!

but after you are redpilled, you cant help, why is this Actual Joo showing Goys in such pathetic, degenerate ways? the horrible destroyed, broken, twisted, jooed people of those two movies.

when you’re young you enjoy it because you were EDGY and i bet he felt the same way when he was young and MADE the movies!

i didnt keep up with his later stuff. i wanted to, but he was SO inactive and eventually i lost interest. “mister lonely” was ok but nothing classic.

i did watch some fassbinder on his recommendation, guess fassbinder was a big influence on him. and guess what, fassbinder is i THINK hwyte but he MIGHT AS WELL be J. wont lie, i liked some of his stuff though. i actually watched about 33% of berlin alexanderplatz and it was pretty good. i was only starting to get redpilled then. not sure how i would have viewed the nazi element of that movie.

oh shit he did that movie ali fear eats the soul which was totally degenerate: an old white woman falls in luv with a big black arab buck ali. i think he was a BERBER from MOROCCO.

or this other one where fassbinder essentially played himself, a degen phaggot hungry for c0ck.

see, fassbinder is nothing to GLORIFY.

and neither is korine. but i can’t deny that JDB, I watched that movie MANY times during my youth and it left a BIG impression. TOO big, probably.

i’ve more or less disavowed korine and doing so didnt disappoint me so much as if i had to disavow lynch, was what i was getting at.

but the location of twin peaks is GREAT. SUPER hwyte. you really want to BE there. i am looking at maps of washington state trying to find a town that is most like twin peaks.

interesting that lynch has made great work both in the Urban and more Rural settings. i of course thinks he needs to crush the urbanite parts of himself. less LA and more missoula montana man.

i hate to think that FILM ITSELF is INHERENTLY jooish……but it HAS been TAINTED by jooish influence since the VERY beginning.

i havent had much desire to watch tv or movies the past couple of YEARS. i just have shit on as background noise while i am neckbearding on internet. blogging about joos and failure and women. losing at poker. reading white power and 1489 stuff hahahah.

heh. took 1 benedryl and 1 valium already so…mind is getting cloudy and tired, cant BLOG too much hehe.

but yeah dont like that my WORK was compromised today because i was so scatterbrained and indecisive. i couldnt GET AWAY with this at a REAL job. i would be FIRED.

so now, for doing BAD today, i need to do an equal amount of GOOD, OFF the clock, to REPAY them, and to “save” myself and my job.

in the real world, you run ragged all day SLAMMED with work being super busy all day…..then you play CATCH UP at home and on weekends, doing MORE work so that you looks even more productive, and can me unreasonable standards and not get fired.

you dont get to relax and do things related to you or or family. you must nervously do MORE WORK to try to stop from getting sucked under in the undertow.

and you CERTAINLY dont get a whole day to SLACK OFF just clicking through a bunch of TABS and not really PRODUCING anything because youre just like well I DUNNO HOW TO DO THIS REALLY and now muh mind is going blank. maybe i should go on DISABILITY because MUH ISSUES have made me UNABLE TO WORK hahahahahahahaha.

there was one time IRL where that woman did turn and snap at me. i was whining like a beotch about a tuff day at the job hoping she would commiserate with me, that it was tuff for her to, and we could both bond over hating the job, and i sounded like a weak bitch, and she snapped LEAVE. PLEASE LEAVE. which was the most direct thing she ever said to me. i was shocked. i mean it totally makes sense, i totally understand why she did it.

and when our rel ended she essentially did the same thing but did not even say 2 words. but yeah that first time was like a prelude. i was hoping she would apologize for that but no i of course apologized LIKE A BITCH. STOP APOLOGIZING. NEVER APOLOGIZE. especially not out of weak desperation. i was in a pathetic, desperate, helpless, hopeless state. that is my excuse hahahaha. sometimes i GET really hopeless and desperate hahaha.

but yeah in that first snapping i was hoping for more sympathy, an apology, something that she was trying to see it from my side and not trying to be a bitch hahahaha. since i never got that, i feared she thought the worst of me when she really dumped me.

but yeah th edream wasnt that bad. i was much more frustrated by not being able to make any progress on my work. it was more like i was autistic because i couldnt visualize how the end product would look, so i could barely even muddle through on Just Doing Something until it Started To Look Like Something. i KNOW thats the best way to appoach this and I still didnt do it. was i scared? i was more distracted than SCARED. although i would have been just as unproductive if id been scared/anxious/nervous.

but yeah gonna sleep well tonight. still have 2 benedryls left to take haha. plenty of people at card table right now. too bad i am so tired. could literally go to sleep right now. it is start of muh weekend. muh longass nonnormie weekend.

well i CAN tell you that the MUSIC of twin peaks stands the test of time. great, great music. been listening to the soundtrack a lot in past few months, and i think there is some extra stuff in the actual show. and its all good. love every piece of music on there. no jooish bullshit. i had a surprising vision of Being In A Band and playing the “Mr Cool Theme” with them. this is the Cool Jazzy theme with the fingersnaps and what may be a marimba. i dont know what the official name of the song is.

but yeah all the boys are muh dick white negro jock chads fooking all the slutty staceys. except they are one upping the boys in evil, by getting some strange k0ch from pure evil satanic jooish outsiders from a primordial void hahaha. so yeah thats kind of nice seeing these evil women. but the men are degen and dumb. except for dale cooper. and sheriff truman except for his ABSOLUTELY DISGUSTING YELLOW FEVER. goddamn that always rustles and triggers me. i cant recall any other yellow fever in lynch’s stuff, or any race mixing for that matter.

i dunno. i just dont think it ROTS THE SOUL to watch a basically good goy playing with some jooish degen, as it does to watch some hand rubbing merchants actively crafting the most degen shit they can because it projects their filthy souls and destroys goys souls.

http://bbs.dailystormer.com/t/for-the-sake-of-all-that-is-good-female-sexual-choice-must-be-suppressed/96932

interesting

breaking news, trump firing 50 tomohawk missiles at syrian air base RIGHT NOW, it has BEGUN, trvmp starting a WAR FOR JOOZ.

the missiles could be fake news tho hahahaha

joo don rickles dead at 90 today

i guess the tomahawk thing is on live tv news right now. just looking at twitter. will turn news on in about 30 minutes, watch 5 minutes, then got to sleep haha.

so…..just to be clear. i mean i would probably support US going in and bombing the shit out of ISIS. but how many normies understand he’s not bombing isis, he’s bombing assad, who isis is fighting against? so technically we on isis’s side here. and i guess israel would rather have isis in power than assad. not sure how or why assad has been such a Strong Bulwark against Israel.

Because assad has made alliances with China, Russia and Iran?????

bbbbut wont Trumps BASE be against this? trump supporters arent gonna like this any more than hillary supporters! i just dont get it!

apr 7

john thicc

i dont know why, i just found this meme funny. probably because this new black text word THICC is so ridiculous. you text a white mudshark slut DAYUM GURL DAT AZZ THICC  😂 😂 😂 💯💯💯

and then beautiful dumb 25 year ol white gurls with no children bend their thicc azz over for your BBC and let you fook them and give them their first of many sprog bastards ahahahahaha

spent like 15 minutes trying to refind that meme on daily stormer bbs hehehehe.

the great WEEV has been moved to make a video on it. havent watched it yet but I guess he’s saying something like i would say: lets give a few more days and see how this plays out, maybe its 4D chess hhahahaha, although it looks really bad right now, like trvmp is selling out. lets give him one chance hahahaha.

got like 10:30 of sleep which seems to be “normal” for nonwork nights as opposed to around 7 hours when i am getting up at 5am. which I do not complain about. 5am is a RESPECTABLE time to get up and makes me more normie, more winner, sheeeit i SHOULD get up at 5am on non work days just to make me a better, hwyter man! its a very hwyte, principled, ubermensch, hyperborean time to get up! its when hard working men of action, men with hwyte wives and families get up, at the latest!

actually REAL ubermensches get up at 3 am. THREE AM.

im not even really GETTING up at 5am. at 5am my alarm rings and I just watch tv news from 5 to 5:30 and drink coffee and try to not fall back asleep hahaha. the time passes REALLY quickly. nrmally 30 minutes do not pass this fast.

GOT to do some errands today. might do to walmart and buy new blue pants. really LUV their GEORGE 12 dollar pants. have 2 pair already and they are both awesome. figure why not buy 1 more.

the pants are damn near perfect. they look kind of underwhelming but then look and fit great when you put them on. absolutely no buyers remorse ever here. thank GOD. i am tempted to just stock up in case they stop making these pants, so i can have replacements when they wear out.

heh. cable tv watchathon right now. they have the orig twin peaks series. wonder if they have netflix movies. i wonder if they have the turin goddamn horse hahahahaha

hmm i could watch my other fav movie mulholland drive right now. do not have turin horse. not really surprised there.

i am doing laundry so not totally neckbearding.

debating whether to get haircut today. i SHOULD but I might not.

trump thing is weird. now the JY Slimes is reporting how “far right white nationalists and the alt right” are turning against trump because these far right racists are anti-war hahahaha.

funny when the FAR RIGHT are antiwar! hahahaha.

well i think they always HAVE been. its only EVER been NEOCOHENS who ever WANTED war! quite literally, jooz start all the wars in the world! well, in the modern world at least. since world war 1 at least hahaha.

like i said, trump supporters dont support this move, hillary and bernie supporters dont support this move. you have to ask, who DOES support it?

WHO, INDEED. TO ASK THE QUESTION IS TO ANSWER IT.

I guess that might redpill normies.

i mean NO ONE is saying this is a great idea. the best you get is, lets sleep on it a few days and see if it might play out well in the world of 4d chess. which it might. this is kind of where I am at. if it leads to a pattern of jooish trick after jooish trick, WHICH IT WELL MIGHT, then we can officially disavow trump and weep bitter tears of butthurt.

sheeit laundry is done.

ok folded and put away white t shirts. whites load hahahaha. there is actually a russian hwyte power band called whites load hahahahahahaha.

its possible the average normie amerifat might think syria is synonymous with isis, so that this attack is a good thing, because its an attack against isis. i agree that WOULD prob be a good thing!

but syria is NOT isis! syria is basically assad and HE is AGAINST isis! he is also pro-russia, pro-iran, and very anti-israel.

but arent ISIS anti-israel too?  i think they THREATEN israel much less than assad though.

but doesnt isis threaten us in the increasingly non-whitening West becuase ALL the terror attacks in the west are isis related?

assad supports syrian christians against slaughter by isis.

its safe to say all trump supporters want to see isis destroyed.

what if trump destroyed both assad AND isis?

would there then be a “power vacuum” which israel/US would then fight russia/iran over?

so in other words, assad is the only thing preventing WORLD WAR 3, and the US directly attacked him?

if i were smart enough to get into HARVARD i might UNDERSTAND all of this. i could just be a black and write #blacklivesmatter 100 times on my application essay and get into harvard hahahahha.

i should be more worried about me being Frozen and Unproductive at muh job. i might not be fired but i would def be Frowned Upon and Shunned and perhaps try to be Pressured to Quit hahahaha. but wouldnt they then give me GOOD references, because they want me OUT?

ok im gonna go to walmart, just walmart. i have a gift card anyway. its gonna be full of blacks and arabs though!

maybe i should try going to the “better” walmart?

i mean i HAVE to spend this WALMART gift card at specifically WALMART.

what would JOHN THICC do hahahaha that is the stupidest shit i have ever seen.

lets just fookin GO and get this over with. ok i did another mini chore. done. tried to do another mini chore involving a phone call, called them, they were out to damn lunch. a phone call about health care billing, hahahah talk about a lose lose situation. basically i am paying for a doctors office visit for what I think is In Full at the time of the visit, then I get a bill from the Health System 2 months later saying I owe MORE, like a Lot more. this happens every time, and every time I call the dr’s office and they “clear it up.” something about the communication between the doctors office and the health care System Billing Dept. I dont know whose fault it is. THEY probably dont know whos fault it is. i mean it looks unprofessional on both of them imho but as long as i can make one phone call and not have to pull teeth and speak to managers…shit its exactly the type of phone call I would HATE getting and HATE explaining…..because there IS no explanation! situations normal – all fooked up! that’s the explanation!

god almighty i would never want to work in medical billing, can you even imagine how jooish and horrible that is? jooish insurance companies and jooish hospitals all trying to joo poor patients as much as possible in ridiculously confusing, jooish ways, and who does the billing but single mom mudsharks and 80 IQ blacks when it would take 120 IQ just to understand the jooish complexities of this needlessly complex billing!

heh. get a masters degree in medical billing. that job might even be in demand. you might even make 18 bucks an hour with that one!

listen man i can do some calculus integrals and some CompSci 202 level coding, but i cant do basic bitch 11 dollar an hour medical billing and insurance questions! those are CONFUSING AF!!!!!!! the people taking those calls all day should be making at LEAST 18 dollars an hour, if not 20 hahaha.

call the doctors office, they said the billers werent in on fridays and to plz call back monday. HUH????? ok fine.

i have noticed a Pain Point for your business hahaha. I would solve it by having a Student Intern take billing phone calls on fridays for FREE hahahahaha. or, hire a negro or mudshark for 9 dollars an hour and have them be totally incompetent hahaha.

i just feel SORRY for these low level employees who arent TRAINED properly. there is a local political controversy where this elected official’s office is in total disarray, and all the new employees under them have no idea what they are doing. they are all young, poor, blacks making 11 dollars an hour, prob part time no benefits, and customers write to the local paper saying the Help Is Incompetent, nobody knows what they are doing, nobody is trained, what used to take you 5 minutes under the previous administration now takes an hour, its disgraceful.

i sympathize with the poor slobs on the frontlines trying to help people with their confusing questions! they are probably going to ask for a manager, but the manager is out to a looooooong lunch with crooked italian contractors getting drunk at the titty bar!

well at least italians are hwyte hahahahahahha. but these are the very sicilian nonwhyte arab looking italians always hhahaha. no thank you!

the sad thing is i know i applied for like 3 jobs in this department. it was prob a revolving door of people quitting or getting fired because the management is SO BAD it has become a PUBLIC SCANDAL in the local news.

well a lot of the people are unfirable, union tho.

its confusing. hire a 80 IQ negro to splain it to me for 9 dollars an hour hahaha.

see what i mean? TRAINING. I think even 80 iq people could do this if TRAINED properly. also, 120 people are still going to struggle if they dont have the correct INFORMATION to do the job. PLUS, its hard even for SMART people to answer Tuff Problems if they are being Pressured by Angry Assholes to work faster, do better.

they dont prepare you for this in skool or college and they should.

Hire ME. when you want it done fast AND done right. it doesnt matter what it is.

that is gonna be my new calling card. I do things fast AND right. everything.

ok got back from WALMART. i am happy to have accomplished something today. do one thing every day hahahaha. the place was absolutey FULL of blacks. some arabs but even more blacks. to the store managers credit, the store LOOKED just fine. clean and organized. got some great 12 dollar george pants, the best pants ever. again these pants are so good i should buy EXTRA. its HARD to find good pants let along GREAT pants. also found nice Faded Glory T Shirt with stripes on it. i like T shirts with some sort of design like stripes on it. this is remarkably hard to find.

did a first and bought the walmart brand BEEF. 80 20. i was wary but the beef looked all right. it was all in 2.25 pound packs for…. 6.94 each.  this is 3.08 per pound. not bad. with this I will make juicy 3 oz meatballs hahahaha and with those make THICC meatball burgers hahahaha.

😂  👌👌👌

fookin BLAX hhahaha. BLACK MEMES are essentially what these are. emojis. ebonics in text form.

used up my gift card at walmart. place was so full of blacks. i survived but my god the customers. the people of walmart. made me want to try another walmart next time.

my usual store is a supermarket like walmart but its generally hwyter, definitely better PEOPLE there. going to the closest walmart is like going to baltimore or some shit hahahaha. i am thankful my immediate area and my local supermarket are largely still hwyte. i care about these things. i am racially aware hahahahah.

the other thing that sucks about walmart is that they dont have small hand baskets like i usually use. today they didnt even have the small pushcarts, just the large pushcarts. so i had to grab everything and hold it in muh bare bear arms hahahaha.

heh what the hell is the “deep state”. seeing this term being thrown around a lot. probably just means the jooz like kushner controlling trump hahahaha.

globalists. well i mean thats a good way to describe da jooz. so i am all for people talking about the evil globalists! i mean the term has gone mainstream!

http://bbs.dailystormer.com/t/an-extremely-unfortunate-turn-of-events/97362

anglin’s semi official statement on the syrian thing

http://www.dailystormer.com/duke-striker-on-the-jewish-elites-role-in-the-usa-drug-epidemic/

looks like eric striker who wrote that EXCELLENT article on the opioid epidemic and a number of other great articles on DS, has had a talk with david duke on his opioid article. who the hell is this striker, he has a lot of potential hehehe.

see some thing in local paper about high school in very hwyte semi rural redneck area and there is a young man with a 4.0 gpa who loves the high school auto repair/tech program and now he is gonna go to college to do an engineering degree in something diesel related. he seemed like a healthy happy normie. i was jelly of the young man who at age 17 says, i wanna do my career in DIESEL. design and build huge diesel engines. which there is huge money in this. repairing engines of 600000000000 dollar pieces of mining equipment which have huge diesel engines. huge machinery and engines normies cant even THINK of.

but he clearly got his interest in diesel from doing his high school auto tech program.

then i am jelly my high school didnt have an auto program because they were trying to prepare everyone for UNIVERSITY. then i think, if they had an auto program, would I have done it? if they HAD an hvac or auto or welding or electrician or cnc machining or some sort of trade program…..would I have done it????? its impossible to say.

this is possibly the best taake song and captures everything great about his style. it is very masculine and high energy. yet also grim. i cant rightfully call it “cold” cuz its very hot-blooded. also rather than repeating one riff 60000000 times like boortzum, he crams 6000000000 riffs into one song like technical death metal or something. BUTTTTTTTTT all those riffs flow PERFECTLY. the amount of air guitaring, air drumming i do throughout basically this whole song is insane. it only slows down in the last 30 seconds.

i will be obnoxiously calling for this song at the taake concert and hopefully will rustle hoest’s jimmies hahahahahahahaha.

so yeah i am happy about the walmart george 12 dollar pants. flat front, classic/normie fit, at that perfect intersection of looking fancy but not super fancy, and a cotton/polyester blend so they are both light and soft. best fooking pants ever.

https://www.walmart.com/ip/15024506?wmlspartner=wlpa

these are the pants, i’m 90% sure hahahaha. buy 4 pair right now and thank me later. i have gray, khaki, and now blue. i am tempted to get the black ones too.

WHAT WOULD JOHN THICC DO?

heh this is really a shit tier meme that wont ever take off, only i think its funny because its so goddamn bad.

also the faded glory striped tshirt is great. fooking great. this is why i like walmart. nice clothes for a nice price. i mean its way more expensive than the thrift store, but i rarely find anything good at the thrift store.

http://bbs.dailystormer.com/t/11-year-old-boy-kills-self-after-gf-fakes-death-i-blame-single-motherhood/97270/

great comments hahahaha

every link i link is to daily stormer hahaha.  i am not anti TRS, i jsut am taking a temp break from them.

never do you find a dog that fires his owner because he wants to find a better owner. leaves his owner for seemingly greener pastures. i am trying to make a point about women hahahaha. dogs are loyal, women are not like dogs, women know no loyalty hahahaha and that sucks.

well they are loyal to brute strength arent they? i mean didnt we conclude that this all MADE SENSE? if YOU could get preggers wouldnt you stop being loyal to your PROTECTOR as soon as he showed he wasnt STRONG enough to protect you any more?

seeing all this stuff about “greater israel” which i guess is what israel wants to expand to, to basically go all the way to the persian gulf, take over large areas of syria, iraq, and saudia arabia, probably pick up a lot of oil in the process.

ever wonder why you never see an ISIS attack in israel??? hehehehehe.

👌

hahahaha

oh yeah. so lets say you go to normie degen high school. wouldnt you HAVE to see a few white mudshark slut girls, even if there were only 2 black kids in your school? they would certainly be banging white sluts.

in other words, maybe most (hwyte) men HAVE personally experienced mudhsharks, ie personally known women who have done it.

but were they CLOSE to them? did they really KNOW the women? did they CARE about them and WANT them? only to be brutally rejected for the mud? or were they just that dirty pathetic mudshark ho over there, it never really affected you on a deep level, never helped you become racially redpilled?

i mean i never met any mudsharks until i was like 25 years old simply because i didnt know many women. and if the few women i had met prior to that were fooking blacks…..well i just didnt KNOW about it.

i mean you gotta KNOW the women well enough to at least know WHO they are fooking. do you even know HALF the women you know that well?

oh shit so every women is a mudshark unless proven otherwise hahahaha guilty until proven innocent.

hahaha no but seriously, i would say innocent until proven guilty. and its not like i had to do cia shit with these women. they POST the shit on FACEBOOK!

yeah but im not on facebook anymore so how am i gonna do mudshark recon? well i figure just ask any women i get to know personally. jsut ask them. half the time they will be truthful. yeah ive been with blacks what it to you? you a racist or something? yes i am, now gtfo mudshark!

 

ON THE JOB TRAINING IS NOT TRAINING AT ALL

aug 27

sheeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeit.

i mean i study the companies before doing the interviews. i write thank you emails. i dress nice. i shave my face. i act very interested in the job. i ask questions at the end. what the hell am i doing wrong hahahaha. my fatal flaw is that i get a little nervous. and that i have such a long GAP. something must be DEEPLY WRONG with me. he needs SERIOUS HELP. he SHOULDNT BE working. or, he thinks hes gonna work HERE? HA! he needs to PAY HIS DUES first! get a job at walmart or mcdonalds or a shitty restaurant or call center, show that youre WILLING TO WORK first, before you can get an AWESOME job like this!

this is for that phone interview on monday. looks like the company is more reputable than i thought. winning all these best places to work awards, having many skilled and respected engineers, a destination kind of employer, that only wants the best of the best. which i am not. but i was when i was 17-18!

also my problem is that i cant just suck it up and live through a shitty job. it breaks me down into a Dumpster Fire and then I end up Committing Career Suicide and moving DOWN the career ladder ultimately. i dont really pay dues but get actively punished.

then i see all the people with engin degrees working for this palce, making 60k, thinking DAMN, I went to a TOP SKOOL, I went to a better skool than THEY did, why didnt I just get a damn ENGIN degree, then I could be making 60k too, I could have a wife and a FAMILY, and a good job, instead of being a huge neet loser who cant deal with LIFE.

and get angry and discouraged and slow down on muh job search hahaha.

yeah well today i am studying the company so i sound informed on muh 15 minute phone interview monday. see if its enough to overcompensate and get me a physical interview. prob not hahahaha.

then tomorrow i will study the company for tuesday int. much more of a blue collar place. but they are big and they have been around a while. not some fly by night arab company hahahaha. or shitty crab people asian company.

shit i had way more confidence in 2013 when i was working my mickey mouse job and was becoming close friends with That Woman.

see im desperate but i also cant take just any job because if i take a super shitty call center or customer service job, i am very worried about muh emotional health, and would i snap and quit. i dont want to put myself into a position like that so i avoid applying for those kinda jobs. high stress jobs hahahaha.

thinking about partying tonight with a valium nyquil combo. it is saturday nigth after all.

so, have a better feeling about the tuesday interview than the monday interview as a job i could actually GET. but i feel the monday place would be more fun and chill and better workplace than the tuesday place. well of COURSE its HARD to get into a GOOD workplace! the easier the job is to get, the WORSE the job is gonna be, the more it is gonna push you to your Limit.  and not in the good way hahahaha.

aug 28

took the valium nyquil combo around 645 pm, did 4.2 mile powerwalk, went to bed, slept pretty good. the combo i guess chilled me out a little bit and made me sleep good. would still prefer partaking MJ hahahaha.

it shuts your mind down, you cant think negative thoughts because it takes too much effort to think at all hahahaha. in other words it might be difficult to WORK, where you are trying to solve problems and bullshit on your feet all day. explaining and bullshitting and coming up with plans and reasons and explanations and answers and solutions.

sheeeeeeeit. it might be That Womans birthday very very soon. thankfully it doesnt bother me as much as youd think it would. one of my goals was to spend a womans birthday with her and have birthday cuddling with them, or having them spend my birthday with me and have birthday cuddling. or secs. or handholding. or making out. or hanging out.

never happened though hahahahahahaha. 2 years ago i went to dinner with my female friend and it was near her birthday and i was right on the CUSP of starting to feel differently about her. but not quite sure i was there yet. but i was getting very close.

in fact i wasnt even sure what her exact birthday was. it takes a while before someones birthday is a big deal for you.  you gotta know them at least a year.

and the next year of course i would ahve really liked to spend her bday with her but by that time we were DONE.

and now we’ve been DONE for a full YEAR after that.

i heard this song when this album came out in 1998, 18 years ago hahahaha and i was a stupid angsty high schooler listening to the weekly radio metal show. i thought the song was very catchy and epic and it was the first time i enjoyed anything like power metal.

i never listened to the whole album. i will now give it a chance hehehehe.

hmm very sleepy and tired today, the day after the nyquil. i guess thats not suprising.

cheap “skullcandy” earbuds lasted only 2 weeks. what cheap chinese crap. one ear went out then the other ear went out very quickly. one ear is bad enough and time to buy a new pair of cheap chinese throwaway garbage.

537 that is my new goal hahahaha. 537 job applications hahahaha. i get 1 interview for roughly every 21.4 applications hehehehe. and so if i want 25 interviews, then 537.

i am “only” at 386 so far.

i have been slowing down lately, getting a bit discouraged.

maybe i should contact her on her birthday hahahahahahaha. no i am just joking.

 

did SHE ever contact ME on MY birthday? HELL NO! she didnt even KNOW when my birthday was! although i kinda make it hard. you have to ask me and then mark it down on your calendar. which nobody does because they just use facebook to remember birthdays hahahaha.

but yeah at one time she was a real friend and i havent found any new friends to fill that friend gap. and i liked having that kind of person playing that kind of role in my life. i mean shit it was a two way street too, i was playing the same role in her life too.

ok  went to shitstore and bought some shitty 10 dollar sony earbuds that i HOPE will last 1 month.

listen to some of the hammerfall album, see if its any good. need more positive shit hahahaha.

was listening to george feels and he had a very sad pathetic feelsy video and i was like yep i shouldnt listen to this, this is not gonna help me. something basically how he had done nothing with the past 3 years of his life, his biggest accomplishment was not jerking off for 100 days hahahaha. in 3 fookin years. so he felt bad about that and then i felt bad too about not accomplishing anything with my life either hahaha.

well i did accomplish a bit in the past 3 years: moved from old job to new job, became close friends with that woman, pushed myself to the limit with new job, did some super amazing shit that i lose sight of now, and cant convince employers that once i was valuable hahahaha, went on road trip with old friend, fell in luv with female friend, saw 3 classic concerts, discovered trs, and then shit started going bad, rel with woman fell apart, lost job, got dumped, was in a state of deep despair for months, started a gym membership for the first time in life, lost 30 pounds, applied to 386 jobs and went on 18 interviews, got 2 new good suits. so yeah id say i accomplished more than george hahahahaha in the past 3 years. there was some epically BAD shit, as well as some pretty good shit too, but the bad shit has been what i remembered most and what i am lingering in now.

anyway POINT IS, there was plenty of good shit or not bad shit, or at least forward moment or personal improvement.

but all the good shit happened in the first half, and all the bad shit happened in the second half, so the bad shit is all i remember.

well, losing the 30 pounds is a big deal and i am doing that right now.

so is buying the suit, and doing the interviews.

but the interviews also suck because they dont lead to anything.

inherently, the interviews are a good thing and i should view them as such, rather than DISQUALIFYING THE POSITIVE. and saying yeah interviews a normally all right, but THESE interviews arent so good because they dont RESULT in anything.

yes in our results oriented world its difficult saying something that doesnt have any results is a good thing.

but each abortion failure of an interview hahahaha is getting me closer to my goal of 25.

and the interviews arent really abortion failures. i look all right, i sound smart, although a little nervous, i show that ive done my homework on the company, i write thank you notes, i am one of 4 finalists for a 45k job, i mean come on these are all good things.

but the overall general shame of being an unemployable neet bum is SUCH MAGNITUDE hehehehe that it casts a shadow on all the other shit.

anyway, point is, there is a DECENT AMOUNT of good stuff ive done the past 3 years…..its just overshadowed by the bad shit because the bad shit was more recent, and honestly it was ABSOLUTELY DEVASTATING. it was probably greater magnitude than the positive stuff was positive. but there WAS still somewhat DECENT magnitude of positiveness on the positive stuff.

PLUS, we always interpret bad things worse than we interpret good things as good. in other words, really good shit WEARS OFF QUICKLY, while bad shit lingers. so we need like 5 good things to lift us up for every 1 bad thing. defeat feels much worse than victory feels good. FACT.

anyway point is george has his more positive videos and his more negative videos, and i should stay away from the neg ones. and so should he. being that we are very much alike and struggle with the same problems.

and just like him i need to focus on the positive and essentially IGNORE the negative. because its focusing on the negative and IGNORING THE POSITIVE that has gotten us in this horrible mindset. low energy, very low confidence, lazy, neet, in a rut, spinning the wheels, not trying, giving up easily, defeatist, etc.

i listened to a bit of the hammerfall and it made me want to listen to judas priest “painkiller” so i did. i guess they have similar sounding productions and the drum bit at the beginning of the album is a direct tribute to painkiller possibly. but the hammerfall is definitely a bit more “power metal” and the singer doesnt really sound like halford. which is FINE. halford is awesome, but i wanted something a bit more power metally anyway. like ridiculous, somewhat epic songs and songs about warriors and courage and all that. whereas judas priest is arguably not very power metally while at the same time influencing every power metal band….they never fully went that way themselves, because they were sorta reinventing themselves on every album.

probably iron maiden is the more power metally band.

 

HAVING SOMEONE CHECK YOUR WORK IS HAND HOLDING

apr 6

how do you assure someone that something is correct/right when you’re not sure that it is?

like something looks like it could be right, but you’re just not sure?

like doing a huge math problem and you’re not sure if you’re correct, or close, or not even close, because you have no idea what’s even reasonable?

or your excel vlookup function skipped a data point for some reason, and you don’t know why, but that skipped piece of data make a YUGE difference for your bullshit “recommendations” and “advice.” but just looking at the results, you can’t tell if anything is WRONG or not. you just assume your Tool, the vlookup, is working as intended. and it is. it just has tricky little pitfalls where its hard to tell if its pitfalling.

well you said you were an expert at excel and knew all about vlookup! this falls on your shoulders!

http://www.bayt.com/en/specialties/q/3488/what-are-the-limitations-and-dangers-of-using-vlookup-in-excel/

my concern is that it will only return the FIRST match. it might be important to find those other matches. I cant even think of an example.

and you have people with a lot more experience making a lot more money than me asking these questions on forums.

again probably the best thing is to take someone who CAN help you from your workplace out for dinner and drinks, pay for the dinner and drinks, and Pick Their Brain. of course they probably want to get home to their family after an exhausting 16 hour day. not getting paid overtime becuase they exempt hahaha. salary. making 30 grand a year for 80 hours a week.  which breaks down to like 10 dollars an hour hahaha.  good job.

http://exceluser.com/formulas/excels-vlookup-vs-index-match-functions.htm#The Limitations of VLOOKUP and HLOOKUP

also vlookup can’t return values to the left of the…column its looking up??

only to the right. not sure why. its a limitation of the software. its working as intended. take it up with microsoft.

or just use an INDEX/MATCH hehehehe. yep just use it.

THAT WOMAN wouldnt be able to figure any of this out! she cant even spell YOU’RE correctly!!!!!!!!!!!!

http://chandoo.org/wp/2010/11/01/vlookup-excel-formula/

http://www.exceluser.com/formulas/excels-vlookup-vs-index-match-functions.htm

ok its official. index match is better than vlookup. tell your interviewer that.

http://www.mbaexcel.com/excel/why-index-match-is-better-than-vlookup/

phaggots who have good jobs are still using vlookups like amateur 19 year olds in a call center hahaha

like babes in the woods who never had a meeting with someone who actually knows what they are doing, so as to make sure everyone is using Best Practices.

is that HAND HOLDING. ???

lets see. i was officially rejected for a Press Operator job, not enough experience hahaha.

“”” After careful consideration of all candidates, unfortunately on this occasion we will not be taking your application further. The general standard of applications has been extremely high and we have shortlisted candidates whose skill sets are more closely matched to the role requirements. “””

example of the language used by the Recruiting Team

i am not sure the IT Recruiter got my email about me not being a Good Fit for the Call Center. cuz i got a new mass email sent to about 7 people, get to see their names and emails and all, real professional ya damn moron hahaha. way to not share my email with potential scammers hahaha. guess she didnt get a meeting teaching her that this was not best practice. she has NO IDEA.

that feel when you HAVE NO IDEA that you are doing something wrong. hahahaha.  total unknown unknowns.

but asking for clarification would be considered hand holding.

well you cant have them check the whole damn thing. you have to ask them small direct questions. meaning that you have to have some sort of intuition that showing the emails is not best practice. and then ask about it. but if you didnt have that intuition……..????

well heres the thing. uhh forgot it. mind is rekt hahaha. cant make good decisions. just flip a coin. oh yeah. its EASY to get a call center job. I just had ANOTHER recruiter email me TODAY about ANOTHER call center job. its RIDICULOUS. I could basically get a call center job EASILY AND make decent money doing it. but i am so fooking against it.

ok the point is, i don’t NEED a damn RECRUITER, I can just go to the companys website LATER and apply directly with the company if I CHANGE my mind.  i can always come back to this damn company and get a job directly through THEM. and THESE are the jobs RECRUITERS are RECRUITING people for? you dont NEED a RECRUITER to get you these jobs. i am wondering why the company is paying this recruiter? dont they have their own recruitment team? talent acquisition hahaha.

but maybe they get so many “unqualified” applicants they need to Outsource their Talent Acquisition?  i dont know. just guessing.

but the qualifications for a job like this are very low. just have some basic computer knowledge. period. you really dont need to be smart. but you DO need to be kinda TOUGH.

i would maybe do something where you take inbound phones PART of the day, like a few hours at most, but more than 4 hours on inbound phones is ROUGH.

how can you answer questions and make recommendations and explain shit when YOU dont know whats going on???!?!?!?!

i just felt ON EDGE ALL THE TIME, you never forget that feeling. didnt have that at my previous job hahaha. of course that was a much less serious job.

heh. i wish i never met her. i wish i had never taken that stupid call center job with her. never even saw that stupid world. yeah i made some money, but…….over the long term, i didnt make that much more money than I would have at my prev job, considered all the time I have been Not Working hahahaha. I am Disabled, I am Unable To Work, hahahahaha.

some guys lose their frame and their man-hand and their relationship suffers. their GF becomes a bigger bitch, just bitchy and not nice. then the guys gradually start being more masculine, standing up the bitch more, putting the bitch in her place hahaha, and gradually her behavior gets better again. she starts being nice and pleasant again. maybe stops porking up so much. is happier and nicer. you hear stories like that sometimes.

what i hear is that the GF/wife did not DUMP THE GUY IMMEDIATELY. she essentially GAVE HIM A CHANCE. gave him time. she didnt LEAVE him immediately. she was bitchy and fat and mean, but she stuck around. that’s worth something.

she didnt leave you and never talk to you again. totally abandon and block you. she was being a fat bitch, but she didn’t abandon you. maybe she didnt even CHEAT on you! so i have to give the fat bitches a little CREDIT for not abandoning, and not cheating hahahaha. they gave you a chance to step your game up. I did not get that chance at all.

because in these cases, your gf/wife is still talking to you, still hanging out with you, still maybe even begrudgingly having S with you. you have MORE THAN ENOUGH OPPORTUNITY to TALK to her. you still SPEND TIME together one on one. i did not have that LUXURY whatsoEVER.

wanna go to fatclub soon, i have made a mental note that a very qt gurl is there at 130 pm on wednesday sometimes. unfort she reminds me of That Person because they both have long legs and arms……but maybe that is just my type. i really dont like stumpy, and i really do like long legs, which usually corrolate with long arms.

how do you minimze risks if you dont know what the risks are?

driving a car or having S, the risks are obvious. screaming obvious.

but the risks of using vlookup on this particular set of data……….not nearly as obvious. i dont know why i am so fixated on this example.

or the risks of doing a complicated procedure where you’re not sure if what you’re getting is RIGHT or WRONG.

when you cant differentiate between right and wrong, how do you know what the RISKS are?

this is why i like having someone who can check my work, a SECOND SET OF EYES on the work. how is that HAND HOLDING?

FOOKKKK!!!

but if black women are smart enough to do this job, then i should be, right?

i mean they get shit on by the asshole callers, cuz they hear from their voice, oh its a black woman, therefore they are an idiot and are gonna really fook this up. which i agree is horrible. i am a proud white supremacist who wants an all-white country and for women Not To Work, but I don’t think you should make a hard job even harder for a black woman. its a hard job for all of us.

http://songmeanings.com/songs/view/3530822107858652921/

SO…..supposedly peter steele accepted being a Catholic after his mother died and he was having a shitty life, drinking too much, too much coke, going to jail. then he got out and life was getting better, got off drugs, found Religion, and did the last TON album Dead Again which I was never familiar with, but supposedly here is where he has Pro-Catholic lyrics. then a few years later he died. That really sucks, I always come back to TON and relate with Pete’s Pain. It is very similar to my own. except he was very musically talented and physically alpha/macho/masculine, so he could always pull bitches. i guess he wasnt particularly happy with all those goth sluts though. he probably would have preferred a normal nice gurl and not some goth skank.

anyway i will now study the lyrics to his catholic anti-abortion song, which some of TON’s edgy atheist fans furrowed their brow that their god peter was becoming a theist. i say GOOD FOR HIM!!!!

well the song seems to condemn abortion and it almost seems to condemn ISRAHELL!!! whoa did not expect that. Actually the lyrics seem confusing and just not super good.

i guarantee he was bipolar!!!! also i think he was in a psych ward around this time as well.

either way its good that he got off drugs and alcohol, and its good that he accepted JC hahaha, and seemed more healthy and at peace. and THEN he died. would have been REAL interesting to see what he would ahve done after. maybe quit the degenerate life, find a decent woman and not a damn groupie or stripper, have some damn children. i bet that would have had an effect on his songwriting. although other musicians don’t really get better when they have children hahaha.  for example i dont really bother listening to varg vikernes music anymore. but his political views and his beautiful family are all very great things!!!!

yeah i unfortunately never saw TON live. i do regret that since I knew of them for many years and was a fan for like 12 years before pete died! i became a fan just as october rust came out in 1997ish. brand new album and I was a young teen and I thought it was super awesome. great nostalgia and memories there. i assume the album will still sound great. putting it on music player right now.

1996. really. maybe i got it in 1997. or 1996.

apr 7

aplied for job as “Dorn Operator.” I have no earthly idea what a DORN is, but posting implies it is similar to a CNC machine hahaha.  received rejection letter within 1 hour, a new record! probably because I was honest about not having 1 year of CNC experience. DAMN there goes muh 12 DAHJ!

This is a learning position and requires a willingness to learn through self-study in addition to extensive training and work in conjunction with Underwriters.

for an underwriting assistant job hahaha. meaning study outside of work. hmm i thought all jobs were like that. i might kinda like that this one was honest enough to say it.

i work 25% slower than the average employee, therefore i have to stay 25% longer unpaid to get the work done. but what if its a salary job and everybody works 50 hours a week? then I have to work 60 hours a week to do the same amount. cuz i hate being rushed. they rush you to do eerything faster and faster, but then quality sufferes, and then they btich about that.

but OBVIOUSLY Speed is more important than quality. or safety.

so find ways to cut corners and cover your ass regarding quality hahaha. so stupid.

i really want to listen to the type o negative album “dead again” but every time I’ve listened to it, it’s kidna disappointing. I have been in this exact mood before, i always forget. same motivation: peter getting his life together, he dindu nuffin, it’s probably better than the previous album “life is killing me” which is universally regarded as the worst TON album. Note: I stopped paying attention to them when “world coming down” came out. i was all on board with october rust but had jumped the ship by world coming down, not sure why. because i was interested in more “heavy” stuff. but i guess WCD was pretty heavy i hear.

i then worried that I might convince myself to take the call center job, and then it turns out SHE works there hahahaha. this is the shit iworry about. I would probably approach her and say you hurt me a lot, I wish you hadnt done that, I wish you would apologize to me, do you have any remorse for what you did, and she would prob say you’re the weirdo, stay away from me, im not talking to you. no remorse.

the point is: i will ALWAYS be in the losing position here, always being punched down on. because i had feelings, she didnt, i was heartbroken, she wasnt, so me seeing her at work every day would be EXTREMELy PAINFUL (for me hahaha) but NOT for her. if i worked with her, she wouldnt care, but I would go crazy again. I literally NEVER want to see her ever again, especially not at work. i would let her apologize to me and change her mind. but to enter a workplace where i saw her every day, nope. I would probably quit again.

she wouldn’t care, it wouldn’t bother her, but it would bother the SHIT out of me. because I luv her and she has nothing for me. she is DONE with me.

don’t you CARE when you are hurting someones feelings hahaha?

i mean when you are friends for 2.5 (2.7) years, not when you are men doing the bantz and calling each other phaggot moron virgins at work.

it bothers me that she could work with me and ignore me entirely and go on with her life, whereas if i worked with her i would go fooking crazy.

i mean if my female friend fell in luv with me i would FEEL BAD and TRY NOT TO HURT THEIR FEELINGS. and if i knew we had to WORK TOGETHER, I knew the best way to do that would be to have long converstaions and try to smooth the shitty situation over.

but i have incomplete information. maybe she would go absolutely crazy and quit over the course of 2 weeks, a month. I just went crazy IMMEDIATELY.  quicker than her. which makes sense.

i would be bothered at least a little bit if I had to work with someone whose heart i BROKE. I would feel bad about breaking someones heart. I never broke a gurls heart before, I never had a gurl like me one sided. I never dumped a gurl hahahaha.

when a loved one dumps you, you feel GUTTED. totally GUTTED.

especially when they dump you in a harsh mean cold way and you work together hahaha.

takes a while for that GUTTED feeling to wear off.

http://www.amazon.com/The-Cowards-Guide-Conflict-Empowering-ebook/dp/B0022VV0YA/ref=pd_sim_351_2?ie=UTF8&dpID=51XZeX9K-TL&dpSrc=sims&preST=_OU01_AC_UL320_SR248%2C320_&refRID=0TC91Q6KBPA5WER0C3YG

the cowards guide to conflict, i should have given her a copy of this book hahahaha

was thinking of getting on for myself, how to have difficult conversations. nope i cant help you and nope i cant explain it and nope i can’t transfer you to a level 2. you can call back and get another level 1, hopefully someone better than me!

how do you know if something is right if you don’t know what right looks like?

you dont! you CANT!!!!

anyway i was the one wiht the PROBLEM. she didnt have a PROBLEM other than me, I was her problem, and when I was gone she was happy. but she also was very willing to ignore me.

again I don’t know if she would have Cracked if I had been tough enough to play Chicken for a while. I think she still cared about me enough that she WOULD have cracked.

but i wish she hadnt been so offended and disgusted by me getting feelings. come on. im not THAT bad!!!!!

or how about you send me a 1 paragraph message explaining why when you unfriend me. are you mad at me? hate me? feel I betrayed you? do hate me? dont hate me? there actually are a lot of unknowns behind somebody unfriending you. you want to know the feelings behind them unfriending you. namely, do they hate you or not, could you ever just talk about the damn rel, can this be fixed or not.

cuz it really sucks when one person hates the other one but the other one doesnt hate them, they are begging please dont hate me, dont do this to me. i shouldnt have to beg hahahaha.  though im not to PROUD to beg. but she shouldnt avoid so much that i HAVE to beg.

dont make me beg. i wouldnt have made you beg. i would had RESPONDED to you. I would have hung out wiht you and LET you TALK to me.

looks like meats back on the menu boys

tonight we will taste manflesh!!!

turns out both of these lines come from lord of the rings.  couldnt remember. decent lines.

of course i refuse to watch the hobbit. but LOTR was okay movies. wouldnt mind watching them with a nice qt gf hahahaha like my female friend. cant you see? this is LUV!!!

treat my HEART with a little more kindness and respect! dont crush and destroy and throw my HEART away! be CAREFUL with it!!!!

and you kinda expect your friend of 2.7 years to be CAREFUL with your HEART.

but NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO.

138 calories over my calorie budget. GOT to go to gym today and burn those off.

pizza and pasta. will do it every time.

have lost 1 pound in the last month. i really hope this is due to gianing muscle, and water weight….and not a result of vastly undercounting muh calories!!!!!

i guess peter steele still drank a little after leaving rehab. he supposedly cut back on the coke and booze but sometimes fell off the wagon. he said he first used coke at age 35, kinda a late bloomer hahaha. he died at age 48. rehab was at around age 45 or so.

also i guess his weight was up and down. sometimes he gained a lot of weight and supposedly liked KFC.

well he never lost his beautiful hair hahaha.

not sure if he was a cigarette smoker. wouldnt be surprised.

i guess i am butthurt by people that go to rehab but then afterwards they drink “IN MODERATION.”

also he was always dating strippers and cheating women. come on. just find a nice catholic virgin hahaha.

i hate to idolize a musician because theyre ALL degenerates. peter steele included. but he did some good and i think had the potential to be a nondegenerate. he admitted he was bipolar. and ocd. and add. hahaha. i think coke is not a good thing for peopel like this, really makes them go crazy. probably even more than booze.

ok think i got 6 applications done today, maybe 7. thats not bad hahaha.

heh. i hate how she DIDNT EVEN TRY not to break my heart. she could have made a good faith effort, done SOMETHING, ANYTHING.

she honestly didnt seem like the type of person who WOULDNT MAKE ANY EFFORT AT ALL, FOR ME. I thought for SURE she cared about me enough to make a LITTLE effort. to spare my feelings that is.

and maybe she did! she was just too cowardly.