sat dec 2

apr 20

the fuhrers bday hahaha. maybe this blog will be shut down by dec 2 because of all the racist stuff ive been doing hehe.

anglin case on anglins local news in ohio. roosh v writing article on anglin case and pretty much naming the J and taking anglins side. i get a popup on return of kings that says “DEUS VULT!!!” i guess roosh is now pro-hwyte alt right hahahaha.

ok kalki was the 12th avatar of vishnu or some shit or was it krishna? and so savitri devi said AH was like kalki. the DESTROYER OF FILTH. I can really identify with that. i see DESTROYING FILTH as my mission too.

420 day. happy bday fuhrer hahaha. but i just thought. its kinda weird jooish marxist countries like UK and germany and sweden havent legalized MJ yet. i mean its more legal in the US than it is in the UK.

the only job openings are for jobs SO SHITTY, like being a PATSY SCAPEGOAT FALL GUY BAGHOLDER to sit there and take abuse from angry customers your company has screwed, jobs that are like oh god theres no way i can survive even one day of this. then you stick it out in a job like that for 2 or 3 years and maybe you can move on to something better if you are a top 20% performer and not some average asshole.

its called PAYING YOUR DUES hahahaha.

and its harder than the military and jail combined. i honestly dont know why more people dont k themselves to get out of it. or join the military or intentionally go crime to get sent to jail.

i dont want to go to jail because its for scumbag negros and i dont want to get raeped in the ass.

but to sit there and take abuse all day and pathetically try to do something you dont know how to do, thats kinda like being raeped in the ass hahahaha. no not quite but it does put you on EDGE ALL DAY LONG. then when you go home youre on edge too, becasuse youre WORRIED about being on edge all day TOMORROW.

oh youre just figuring this out at age 30 hahahaha

no i was always sort of aware and afraid of it hahaha but didnt actually live it until somewhat recently. now im even MORE afraid of it!

how do peopel survive?

they become raging alcoholics and pill poppers!

then how do they keep their jobs? those bad habits will give you a hangover and affect your work performance so that youre not even AVERAGE anymore, but BELOW average!

some guy was on return of kings commenting he didnt agree with daily stormers anti  race mixing views, because he totally enjoyed banging his young indian GF who was “TWO STANDARD DEVIATIONS ABOVE AVERAGE”, when he had NEVER pulled a hwyte gurl that hot. This white guy could pull indian gurls that were HOTTER than the hwyte gurls he could pull. and Raceless Hotness was the ONLY thing he cared about.

i thought it was a little autistic. and showed that HE had no connection to his own race. and i say this as someone who also appreciates that young indian gurls can be quite good looking!

and if i could pull a good looking one, i would DEFINITELY bang.

but i would HOPE i wouldnt throw my own RACE under the bus like that guy did.

i mean im not surprised to see this Hedonistic, Pornified approach at RETURN OF KINGS!!!! I should be happy they are even turning towards a better path, being less degen. and i suppose i am. i mean these degens get a lot RIGHT about the nature of women, and how to pull women. they just have their long term goals fooked up.

Normie Jobs are so INCREDIBLY STRESSFUL, thats why SO MANY people are on benzos. xanax and valium. i never took a benzo till i got a horrendously stressful, ie normal, job. and then i was like doc you gotta give me somethign for this.

too bad i cant get MJ the same way hahaha.

i mean i would have to lie and say i had back pain. i dont really want to LIE to doctors. unless I KNEW the doctor was gonna write me a MJ rec without needing to see any medical records.

i also wouldnt LIE to a doctor to try to get opiates. Not really interested in opioids hahahaha. i mean if i could get a huge supply for cheap, yeah sure. but those things are expensive af. a pill of oxycontin you pay 1 dollar for at the pharmacy costs like 40 dollars on the street. fact. so its no suprise people can spend 1000 dollars a day on opioids. the mystery is where they get the money. they switch to HERON because HERON is CHEAPER than Oxycontin!!!!

poor georgie boy. i hope he comes back in 6 months and has good news. i think he really was/is a good guy. i dont want to watch any other forever alone, “TFL” types.  i mean its a very black pill world to explore. i dont really WANT to explore it. im not even sure how i started liking george. but it just happened. i will miss him and I hope the best for him. i wouldnt mind meeting him some day.

there is a whole internet full of foreveralones, see r/foreveralone, /r9k/, bunch of youtubers in that vein, and i just dont want to go down that road and read that stuff, i cant even read MGTOW stuff. reading hwyte power stuff is about 14333333333333333 times more positive and white pillng hehehe.

that deserves repeating hehehe. yeah i have whatever those losers have, laziness and patheticness and “untreated despair”, but being around people like that whining about it is JUST AWFUL. read hwyte power stuff instead, you will feel better about yourself. honestly better.

so what is this blog? im not sure but I do NOT consider myself part of the “FA Community.” I dont read any of that shit and I recommend that YOU do NOT read that shit. George is literally the ONLY “FA” person I liked. and i suspect he was sympathetic to WP hahaha. i mean it will CURE you FA, because you realize you’re never really ALONE, you are part of a beautiful RACE.

seeing if there are any “resources” on “depression” at DS BBS:

https://bbs.dailystormer.com/t/black-pilled-af/95777

https://bbs.dailystormer.com/t/tfw-tism/99559

ok hahaha

https://bbs.dailystormer.com/t/how-do-i-stop-being-a-wagecuck-and-become-a-neet/96884

QUOTE ” Start looking into collecting SSI. Get some shrink to say you have crippling depression or autism or whatever and can’t hold down a job. Get a lady doctor if you can, trust me, they’re suckers for a sob story. ”

sheeeeeeeeeeeit every so often i get this fear that because i have SUCH a hard time with the Normie Adult World Of Work, that PROVES I am DISABLED and should get DISABILITY NEETBUX because I LITERALLY CANT HOLD DOWN A NORMIE JOB. and THAT feels REAL bad man.

“loneliness is failed solitude” ooooo good one hehehehe. i mean im thankful to appreciate and enjoy being alone, i dont really feel that LONELY, until I happen to interact with other people, and them im like, dam i am awkward af, i dont know how to interact with people, its much less stressful being alone and not being reminded of muh social awkwardness, no wonder i dont have any friends and am terrible with women, hahahaha.

anyway the people on a hwyte power forum will have a MUCH better discussion about despair and trying to beat it, than the same OP on a FA type forum.

i mean this is THE BLACK PILL. no joke. all that FA stuff is SO black pill that they stop realizing how black pill it is. that is a HORRIBLE, tragic way to live life. I wouldnt say its inherently jood like porn……rather its an inherently hwyte reaction to a jood world. you become SPIRITUALLY SICK. like GLR’s SPIRITUAL SYPHILIS.

i mean theres several kinds of that too. where you GIVE IN to the degeneracy, and then where you just want to cry butthurt tears about the degeneracy, you know its bad, you know better than to actively pursue it, you KNOW its bad, thank GOD, but you feel absolutely powerless to fight it, to DO anything about it, and feel like a weak loser who has wasted your whole life, and youll never be tough or strong or courageous enough to make the changes in your like you NEED to make in order for anything to get better. for you to become a normie adult making 28k a year, working FT, being mentally TOUGH enough to Hold Down A Job, finding a decent woman, having children, being a good father.

mark steyn on tucker carlson right now. tucker is becoming a meme on DS so i might as well check him out. he is pretty good. and mark steyn is a great speaker, i have enjoyed listening to him speak for years, even if he is a BASIC BITCH joo lover neocohen hahahahahaha. but he still is a great speaker and we would all do well to listen to him and try to speak like that. be a good ORATOR.

AH was obviously a great orator but I dont speak german at all. so whos a good english language orator. GLR was pretty good. the national action in darlington guy was great. mark steyn is good even though he is not the least bit alt right.

spencer? he could be better. his voice is still kinda gay. but i think he can get better.

myself, i am horrible at speaking. publicly OR privately.

https://bbs.dailystormer.com/t/fake-news-journalist-luke-obrien-trying-to-frame-political-activist-andrew-anglin-as-russian-agent/100472

anglin confesses every piece of dirt his enemies could possibly dig up on him. i have a mancrush on him and think he is an interesting guy and would like to read an autobiography by him. or listen to him tell his life story in 4 hours of podcast hahaha.

i will prob get this thing shut down by wordpress just for LINKING to daily stormer. it is easily one of the most badgoy sites on the entire internet. its really a miracle its managed to stay up for so long.

apr 21

http://www.nytimes.com/projects/census/2010/explorer.html

use this to help you find a place to live that is over 90% hwyte. i was surprised my area is lower 80s. and it still seems pretty good. my concerned is that arabs and albanians will be counted as hwyte.

yeah, pretty sure ARABS are counted as HWYTE. so be careful with this map.

im sure jooz are counted as hwyte but it might be good to live around middle class jooz because they will preach diversity but want to live in 90%+ hwyte areas where it is safe from nonwhyte crime and violence.

i should probably go to Hippie Drug Gathering where all the gurls do drugs and offer themselves up freely, like antifa gurl. of course you have to take huge precautions, but at least you would be banging young girls who are hopefully 7/10 at least. and really solidify your view that damn, all women really are disgusting whores who need to be physically restrained by BRUTE STENGTH, BEFORE they INEVITABLY BECOME disgusting whores who go to hippie gatherings and bang strangers.

meet up with the old friend today. expectations are managed beforehand. ideally he wouldnt drink at all. i prob wouldnt be too pissed if he drinks MODERATELY. i WILL be pissed if he gets SLOPPY drunk, and prob even MORE pissed if he wants me to blow in his damn car breathalyzer. uhhh that thing is in your car for a REASON. Yes I KNOW LE is just a bunch of jooish zog who Generate Revenue by arresting tons of people at .10 BAC. but in your case, you had way more than .10 BAC and have a legit drinkign problem. people like you are the reason they invented car breathalyzers. how the hell do you get to WORK then. you see me once in 6 months and cant even not drink before going out to a restaurant?

well MAYBE he will be on good behavior tonight. i hope he is. shit i’ll go to the jooish hooters breastaurant if he just doesnt drink for one god damn night.

i mean this is what a real drinking problem looks like. that asking a person not to get SLOPPY, RAGING, BLACKOUT drunk on ONE night out of 6 MONTHS is a hard bargain.

shit you can start drinking when I LEAVE at 11pm at the latest.

oh your wife is out of town for the weekend, shit thats gonna be the perfect excuse for him to get raging drunk all weekend too. so he doesnt have his Controlling Wife complaining about him drinking. Are You Drinking? Have You Been Drinking? When you went to the restaurant, did you drink? when you went outside, did you drink? when you went downstairs, did you drink?

and then him being obviously too drunk to speak and staggering back and forth, oh no i havent had anything to drink at all.

probably i havent been clear enough from the start that I dont want to see you drinking at all while I am here tonight. just do me that favor because i have known you like 19 years. you can drink yourself stupid when i leave.

and yeah seeing a person like that with a serious drinking prob makes me never want to drink again. because i wasnt quite that bad, but i could have totally gotten that way if i had kept drinkign for years.

i mean hes right in the middle of it, of course hes not gonna have a good perspective on it! of course hes not thinking clearly!

well they say you gotta try ang fail 9 times if you really want to quit a bad habit like drinking. or being a lazy loser neet virgin foreveralone apparently hahahaha.

anglin admitted to doing drugs as a degen youth. how much drugs did he do? well i know he was charged with MJ possession. pretty minor. Kinda wish he’d write a book about his life up to age 25 or so. living in a jungle commune in the phillippines? INTERESTING!

living in CHINA? INTERESTING! sounded like he was able to bang hwyte gurls as well as azn gurls while he was there. so was he teaching english? doing a church missionary thing? he’s not really religious atm but i thought his family was.

i KNOW he’s not my buddy pal frand, but I would be very open to that if I knew him IRL hahahaha. NO I am not gonna STALK him!!!!! i only semi stalk people on the INTERNET ONLY and only when it is a woman i fancy and thats a sure sign I should be talking to her IRL instead of daydreaming about her.

and then WANTING to internet stalk them after they dump me, and feeling terrible, but courageously managing to fight that temptation.

so yeah im really not a yuge stalker of anybody hahahaha. i am pretty good at finding people on the internet though.

but not NEAR as good as 4chan, they can dox antifa who are wearing MASKS. like the shit eating pervert who punched spencer, and the white antiwhite Ethics Professor who hit people with bike locks in berkeley. and the antifa gurl moldylocks was totally doxed within hours, but she wasnt wearing a mask. but how did 4chan do it???? especially the people with MASKS? they do it based on their EYES which I dont know how that is bulletproof evidence. not that I am DEFENDING these awful ANTIFA!!!!! im just saying, is it enough to get that shitty adjunct instructor fired?

ok. 1% vs 4% milkfat cottage cheese. which one tastes better, lets find out hahaha.

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Edgar_Steele

dont forget about this guy. pro-hwyte attorney, something we need a lot more of. i know OF one out in the real world at the moment, fully doxed and all, and it’s honestly kind of suspicious how he HASNT been set up yet. how has he managed to fly under the radar???!!?!?!?!

http://www.germanvictimsDOTcom/wp-content/uploads/2014/09/Defensive-Racism-By-Edgar-J-Steele.pdf

check out his famous book defensive racism,  i should read this NOW

hmm went to jail for conspiring to k his wife, thats kinda sleazy. i mean im assuming shes a sleazebag too who wanted to divorce him and take 90% of his money, which I could understand might make a person entertain the hypothetical notion, but theres still no excuse to k your wife. unless she is coming at you with a gun trying to k you and you are doing self defense.

welp gonna meet this friend here in 88 minutes. little nervous about that. maybe I will take a valium hehe. seriously. so if I did that, would that give him license to drink?

actually i could probably tolerate NORMAL moderate drinking, like average normies do. go to the bar and have 3 or 4 drinks. but he doesnt do that. he gets SO drunk that he cant even have a conversation, just mumbling incoherently, and then passes out raging drunk. you were this bad 15 minutes ago, you clearly snuck off and chugged some straight vodka or something. thats the thing I really dont like. that and making me blow into the car. at that point im like this is ridiculous, i’ll just drive.

he doesnt have any of the guilt or shame i had, where i was like i dont WANT my friends to SEE me like this! how shameful!!!

apparently now DS forum is closed to new people. you can read it but cant register. not sure how new people sign up. havent heard anything about invites or vetting.

ok leaving in 12 minutes. i will take a valium before leaving. i have historically been bad about standing up for muh self, like, do me a favor and just dont drink. dont make me blow into the car. dont get so drunk you are mumbling incoherently. i only ask those three things. but that is my line and i will not be happy if you cross that line. boundaries. hehehe. and when you cross that line, i get unhappy, and that is why i am not springing to hang out with you all the time. because i am disgusted by your extreme drinking problem.

USE YOUR WORDS hahahahaha.

however it is true i am a prickly pear and i am TERRIBLE about maintaining contact with people. that is a FACT.

but when people contact me, i usually respond to them and hang out with them even.

would i let him drink if he had an MJ card and agreed to use it to buy me MJ? PROBABLY YES hahahahaha. i really dont think he does, in fact that whole hypothetical is ridiculous.

 

 

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sat nov 25

april 11

welp a ridiculously slow day today, i dont deserve this, nobody deserves a job this easy ahhahahahaha. well im not making enough money to live or be an adult, so that is the price i pay for an easy stress free job.

but lately i was worried because i wasnt making progress on this project, it seemed to be like NAILING JELLO TO THE WALL, and it was not just frustrating but made me NERVOUS. like why is this affecting me. why dont i just power through with brute force. obviously i am thinking too much. i need to stop thinking and just start doing. after a full day of doing that, i felt bad and weak. like jeez i dont even deserve THIS job, i am damn near DISABLED, I will NEVER be a full adult, i should just get on SSI. gummint handouts. honest to god NEETBUX.

anyway the good news is that i made some progress there and feel i have started to get a handle on things. and really the main thing there was just less thinking, more doing, approaching things like a BEAST. like a TERMINATOR.

This is good Life Advice in general! dont get so damn EMOTIONAL. better to be less emotional than more emotional.

i guess you can start trying to be more emotional if you end up hurting other people like a sociopath.

i saw a nice column in dear annie or annies mailbox today, where there was a woman saying she felt guilty because she Threw A Man Away and Ghosted Him without a Word, because she was just too immature and cowardly to deal with the situation, and 3 years later, she realizes what a great guy he was, and how much she probably hurt him, and now she just wants to APOLOGIZE so she stops feeling like a horrible person, he didnt deserve to be dumped so harshly.

annie says its fine to apologize, just be VERY CLEAR about your expectations and dont lead him on.

i was just happy that there was a woman out there with a sense of guilt, who felt bad about throwing a guy away like a piece of garbage hahahaha. i wondered if it was really That Woman writing in hahaha. but no, she said she actually Dated the guy for Three Months hahahaha. so nope.

dating of course just means fooking. so while i never “dated” that woman for 3 whole months, i did KNOW her for 3 (approx) YEARS, which I think counts for SOMETHING, and these fooking women CHILDREN apparently think counts for NOTHING. you fook some chad once one night and means more than someone you knew for 10 years but never fooked. its all c0ch and cvnt with this negrobrained cvnts. all they KNOW is SECS SECS SECS hahaha.

OK I AM OVERREACTING AGAIN, JUST LIKE A WOMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

anyway. i was just ahppy to hear a woman out there felt bad about hurting a guy hehehe. have a damn CONSCIENCE hehehehe. i mean I WANT you to feel bad about hurting muh fee fees hahahaha.  feel a LITTLE bad. yeah im responsible for my own feelz but that still doesnt mean what you did was JUST FINE!

anyway. i was trying to find a copy of the article but cant haha.

ok here it is, its DEAR ABBY

http://www.uexpress.com/dearabby/2017/4/11/0/woman-who-fled-from-love-now

want to get the comments too:

https://pastebin.com/vgHgwAES

heh there is all the comments

hehehe well what if the guy HAS spent the last 3 years PINING hahahahaha

but yeah it IS probably stupid to say i luv u 3 months in.

but…..when you are banging a beautiful young gurl and she seems to like you……yeah i could see this happening to me hahaha. i would prob say it too hahaha. i thought i luved those gurls too.

damn. was doing really well at poker table then i LOST IT ALL. i am literally THE WORST, DUMBEST poker player EVER. i have learned NOTHING in like 4 years of playing. havent even got 1% better.

but anyway. yeah if That Woman contacted me 2 years later, i would still take her back, ive still been pining for her, and what is really sucky is that she would probably still be immature and stupid about it, like I feel so bad, I feel like a horrible person, I dont want to feel bad any more, I I I Me Me Me Me, when the thing to recognize is YOU didnt deserve this. i mean really she should make it about ME, not hear, make her motivations and expectations clear as abby says, and shes too stupid to do that, and she also prob wouldnt show the forethought that maybe I found a better woman, maybe I got married and had a family, and so she wants to word this very carefully so as not to disrupt my marriage. i dont think she would be smart enough to do any of this. yet im still pining for her, i would totally take her back, i havent found anyone better, i fear I’ll NEVER find anyone better, i would take her back, and then she would probably dump me again!!!!!!!!

and NO I never said those words to HER!!!!!! i felt it but I know you’re not allowed to say the words until youve been fooking the person monogamously for a year. which is damn near impossible hahahaha.

i read ALL the comments. heh. i suppose I will stop pining for her but it will take more than two years hehehe. and if she cant apologize within 2 years then fook her hahahahaha. like all the negros that have fooked her in the last 2 years.

stupid goddamn poker. was doing SUPER GOOD, which is RARE, now I LOST IT ALL and THEN some.

the ROI is about as good with a damn WOMAN. meaning, the costs huegly outweigh the benefits!

but im obviously not the typical man because i would LIKE that apology! and if SHE’s listening to THESE people, they would tell her leave him alone, he’s forgotten about you. but I havent! i would LUV to hear from her! SO MAYBE I SHOULD CONTACT HER and let her know that! hey just doing my now once a year CHECK IN to see if you want to apologize, maybe get married, have children, or are you not fat and used up and desperate enough yet?

i mean im no NICEGUY hahahaha. i fooking damn near H8 Women! hahaha.

hey cmon im seeing a damn shrink and taking meds. and i uhhhh am not getting involved with any other women until i get over this one. and become a full adult man. which will probably NEVER HAPPEN hahahaha.

so yeah. SHEd have to be a weirdo to apologize, and I”D have to be a weirdo to want it and accept it. well i know I am that kind of weirdo! and so if she apologizes that means she is the right kind of weirdo for me and we were meant to be together!

so obviously i NEED to be seeing a shrink! but i AM! but OBVIOUSLY its not ENOUGH! i either need to be going MORE, or going to a diff shrink, because its NOT WORKING!

heh. this is actually probably true hehehe.

well i spend more on shrink than on gas but less than on car insurance hehehehe. i really dont want to spend any more on shrink. i guess i am just in too much of COMFORT ZONE with muh shirnk and also am not courageous enough to talk about the most important topics.

april 12

pining for the fookin fjords hahaha.

had a positive good dream where i was basically a normie. i was a young man in univ and i was gonna become a successful normie, and i had a nice gf who was qt and nice. i was committed to her and she was committed to me. i was cuddling hardcore with her. we had been monog for a while and it was a long term thing. if this keeps going we might get married and have chirren. we had a good rel and i wasnt a supplicating omega either. i was confident and not constantly afraid of Losing Her. and I had faith that she was committed to me and wouldnt suddenly disappear one day.

the important thing was that it was a cmpletely fictional fantasy dream girl. it wasn’t THat Woman or any other woman I had ever met. It was probably a Composite Physically of several women I’ve met. but the important thing was, it was no one in particular. it was a young qt gurl with beautiful blond hair and white skin. possibly glasses, possibly tomboyISH.

but yeah. basically it was a SIGN that I COULD get over That Woman. if I met a young qt woman who cared about me, made an effort with me, then I could prob get feelings for her as I had feelz for this fantasy woman in muh dream. it doesnt HAVE to be THAT woman! That Woman is not The Final Woman Ever! so that was kinda reassuring. and nice to feel those feels for woman who was not that woman, and to get some reciprocation on it. to be committed to somebody who was actually interested and committed to me.  overally, pretty positive dream. felt good about it.

so anyway. i know not all women are stupid fookin children because i have personally met them! shit even SHE was better than the final painful end which will be the main thing I remember her by! but she was a decent person to, compromised by fear and weakness, as was I. usually, normally, i’m not such a damn big coward, but it was a bad day for me hahaha. let me have that much. yeah i am more cowardly in general than i would like but still.

I would have at least wrote a letter to selfishly appease the guilt and shame that was eating me inside hahahaha.

im just think about all this because of that stupid dear abigail letter yesterday, thats all.

shit you know she could even have another person act as messenger. her mother. our mutual friend. she could find out thru her if i am happily married or not, if i would be willing to read a letter from her or not. and she could get their Wise Mature Adult Counsel on how not to be an Idiot Child. you dont have to do it alone! you can get help from others! this isnt like WORK hahahahaha. you can get HELP from people who know better than you, so you can make a better decision, get a better outcome. shit you can pay a professional to help you or to do it for you.

shit i would have paid for the shrink FOR HER to dump me for her hahaha. would be way cheaper than me paying my shrink for 20 sessions to help me Deal With It hahahahaha.

they didnt mention that one about the neutral third party! although i think our third party is more biased in my favor hahahaha. as they should be hahahahaha.

where’s an Education Expert who is Notorious for being A Racist.

Who’s a Relationship Counselor who is notorious for being a racist.

who’s a Moral Philosopher….

who’s a sociologist, psychologist, policy expert, teacher, attorney, doctor, expert in their field, who does good Expert Level Research, and writes in a convincing way for a nonexpert audience, and is also a racist?

i was just thinking of the DNA biologist/geneticist Watson. won a nobel prize for discovering the DNA helix but was shamed and shunned for being just the slightest bit racist. also i think some brain IQ people like Gardner were kind of like this.

Lynn and Rushton are some “big names” i can think of of phds who studied the concept of race, determined it was real, and we called racist.

of course kevin macdonald.

and what do the haters do? they say these peoples works are not based on Good Science. Don’t listen to Watson, his Research Method was flawed, his statistics were shitty and do not support these conclusions.

Heh. I forgot greg johnson has a phd. david duke has a phd. but no one respects david duke’s phd.

what if he got it from harvard? then I bet they would respect it more!

I know watson was less racist than david DUKE. not that I care. i mean my point is, I want MORE scientists, researchers, phds, experts to be racists, and to be MORE racist!

or at least de-marxify Education and Psychology for a start. I would think seriously about a Masterz Degree in those fields if they werent totally jooed! but they ARE! you cant get a nonjooish education/training in those fields! you cant study a NONjooed theory and practice on how to educate people! its all about closing achievement gaps and uplifting browns. I DONT CARE ABOUT THAT STUFF.

And you know what if I actually came up with a theory and a Way to help Losers become Winners, I am PRETTY sure it would work across ALL races, even if I really only CARED about whites, even if race does matter in other things. im not so sure it would REALLY mattter with the people I was trying to help. neet omega losers. if nonwhites wanted to use it, go right ahead. i dont HATE nonwhites in that way, that I would DENY them something that might HELP them.

we are not LITERALLY throwing nonwhites into ovens and laughing with sadistic glee.

just the jooz hahahahahaha.

9.60$ buy of bitcoin every week.

GLR complained that in 1965 ish, only 20% of white goys went to college, while 80% of jooz went to college, therefore we needed to get more goys into college, or else the way it was going, the whites would end up working for the jooz.

well he wasnt wrong in that conclusion, but i don’t think he could have possibly seen how getting 90% of goys and 100% of jooz into college would have also produced a shitty situation of Credentialism and Useless Degrees and Student Debt Slavery.

also they didnt have as bad of student loans back then. and college was cheaper.

but then just today I heard a bunch of stories of MFA and even BFA students who all became successful. by age 25. some of them were black women. with a BFA only. but through hard work, persistence, motivation, they were able to be successful with a useless degree. much moreso than me. so therefore the problem was always ME, not “useless degrees.”

but it sucks that i cant even defend the race i luv. well, i can a little bit, from the most bad faith jooish attacks, but i cant WIN any people. I cant SELL muh race in that I could take a hwyte person who felt no real connect to their race, believes that race is a social construct, i dont have an ingroup, i dont care if my children are mixed race…..and convert them into someone that DOES have a preference for their own ingroup. someone that doesnt WANT to race mix any more. somebody that WANTS their children to be their own race and not mixed race.

and that i dnt have the rigor or the guts or the composure or the will or the strength to argue for my own race in the courtroom of life and say, here is the irrefutable evidence that Diversity Is Bad For Everyone, or here’s why we DONT need more Social Programs because They Just Wont Work because what works for whites doesnt work for blacks.

i cant argue ANY of this. or that if blacks were given the same OPPORTUNITIES as hwytes, then there WOULD be equality of outcome. but we still need to level the playing field MOAR.

the best I can do is donate a LITTLE money. I can’t even have CHILDREN.

also it only makes SENSE that Normies would connect my Strange Racial Fixation to my own Failure to Achieve. I’ve achieved NOTHING of my own, so I CLING to the achievements of my race.

So I’m a TERRIBLE rep for muh race in other words. have this LOSER represent you? and maybe if he werent such a lazy loser and had actually achieved something in life like decent normal people. other white racists have achieved something.  normies who have achieved decent careers and families arent huge flaming racists. all those nice white middle class professionals with their white children. raising them up to be nice antiracists and they grow up happy and successful and STILL marry whites.

well ive known a COUPLE people who race mixed though. i mean middle class professionals within 5 years of my age. but I think 80% of the masters degree middle class antiracist hwyte people are NOT gonna race mix, at least in terms of who they ultimately marry and have kids with.

well i guess my job might be to urge other neet virgin loser omegas that its ok to Luv Your Own Race. Period.  And usually thats enough to get you to stop wanting to Pay Reparations to the races your race oppressed back in the day hahahahahahaha.

and i also just get very frustrated that you cant question Whyte Privilege or the Reality of Systemic Structural Antiblack Racism without being called STUPID and IGNORANT and UNEDUCATED and UNINTELLIGENT and UNINTELLECTUAL.

that to become an EDUCATED INTELLECTUAL, you HAVE to believe in Radical Civil Rights and That Negrisi Coates-tier Reparations. to proudly say FOOK THAT BULLSHIT is MUTUALLY EXCLUSIVE with being an EDUCATED INTELLECTUAL. And for the longest time, and still sort of currently, I want to be an Educated Intellectual, or, more precisely, have Intelligent Successful Professionals recognize and respect my own Intelligent Professional Successful Intellect! Not think of you as a Dumb Racist and shake their heads and wonder how he got that way, i mean he DID go to college. this guy must have some SERIOUS mental issues.

obviously i never go around talking about what a racist I am! but to know that I AM a racist and if these people knew, they would think a LOT less of me. they might give me the benefit of the doubt for Really Seeming like a Loser now, because well he seems like a nice mild-mannered somewhat awkward but good natured guy……but if they found out I was a huge racist, all that benefit of the doubt would be gone.

i mean they’ll never find out because i’ll never tell them.

but its just the principle of the matter. i hate feeling like I couldnt stand up and defend my race IF I were called to do so. and that I feel completely unable to be an ambassador for my race. that reaching out to other whites and chipping away at their racial unawareness, is completely beyond me.

well, maybe some people are meant to be racially aware, and others unaware. and me evangelizing would be as obnoxious as goddamn jehovahs witnesses coming to your door.

i mean really i probably got to develop some kind of self confidence FIRST, BEFORE I can start trying to WIN other people to the cause hehehe.

i think i might go see the joo bob dylan this summer. he is coming on a day I could ostensibly go, and I have some income I can justfy spending. I do say kudos to this joo for playing like 300 shows a year at 75 years of age. also pretty sure he still puts on good shows too, has a good band basically.

oh goody, Richard Spencer making another college appearance on april 18 at Auburn. Pretty big name skool.

https://bbs.dailystormer.com/t/german-woman-marrying-brother-of-christmas-attacker-after-contacting-him-following-the-attack/98700

heh stupid women

QUOTE  nb4 “J00s are responsible for the behavior of women” – that isn’t even true. J00s are responsible for the social and political factors that allowed women to behave like this, but women will always naturally make the most destructive decisions imaginable, in any given situation.

If you doubt that, try to get out of TV land for a moment and just think about the people around you. The women in your life, in your friends’ lives, the women you knew in school, the women you know from work – what are the overwhelming majority of them acting like? Are they making good decisions? END

interesting because whenever i find myself in a Women Hating thing, I say, its not their fault, its really JOOZ fault, dont hate women, hate the jooz that made them this way. and then Anglin says this hahahahaha.

welp….the women I actually know at the moment are making all right decisions. of course, these are the women I see at muh job and they are all 48, 53 years old. have children and did not frivorce their husbands.

i am sure all the women under 30 are making horrible decisions, but i dont really know any. i can nly speculate about sluts i see for 2 seconds. they dont LOOK like they make good decisions.

but hey the woman in this article is a fat slob who has 2 mud kids anyway.

https://bbs.dailystormer.com/t/uk-polish-girl-killed-by-kebab-shop-boyfriend-for-cheating-on-him-with-other-paki/98702

“THERE ARE NO GOOD WOMEN” hehehehehehe.

you can take a “nice” polish girl, put her in degenerate londonstan, and she quickly becomes a huge mudshark degenerate.

another QUOTE from forum user: White women here and in Europe are totally degenerate, regardless of how much feminism they have been exposed to.
For a period of a few years I was a manic serial dater, sometimes staggering 3-4 dates in a single day.
I got to a point where I could get a girl’s life story out of her in less than an hour. What I would be specifically looking for is if they ever had an interracial relationship. I won’t go into the subtle process by which I led into that question but of the women I met at least 50-75% of the women had f00ked a negro.
These were White women from all kinds of socio-economic backgrounds and none of them were hard drug users.
It seemed like it was almost a rite of passage for the ones who had attended university or grad school.
It was just another thing to try, like some ethnic cuisine.
From these experiences I can unequivocally say I truly despise women. END

NICE hahahaha favorited. would like to hear his subtle process hehehe. i would like to do what he is doing. i dont know if he managed to eventually find a good wife. i hope he did. plenty of men on DS forum have. i mean you need to go thru a lot of chaff. this is what i need to start doing. its a numbers game.

and g0d what about the women who HADNT been to university. the more working class vs the middle class. fact is, mudsharks come in all classes. working, middle, educated, noneducated, it doesn’t matter.

QUOTE We should really invest in artificial wombs, women are no longer reliable to do the only f00king thing they should do
Or hire poor mud women to be surrogate mothers of high-quality White sperm and eggs. That’s the biological equivalent of an artificial womb. END (ive seen this idea before, that is INTERESTING af. how much of the nonwhite surrogates hormones would influence the development of the hwyte baby?

now go give anglin some shekels, he’s probably only got 2000 lousy dollars in his btc wallet hahahaha. it would be nice to meet Anglin some day but im not gonna stalk him. i dont want to stalk ANYBODY EVER. its not normal, its not right, its not hwyte. but he is one of muh fav people, i have kinda a mancrush, and yeah i do have some trust in him as a leader figure. i know he doesn’t go into public but i would like it if he did. i would like someone a little more extreme than spencer going public.

i also support giving dnations to matt Heimbach and traditionalist workers/youth.  they need to make that easier hehehe. and sell t-shirts.

meh. doing better today at cards than i was yesterday thats for sure. THANK GOD. yesterday i was way up, then lost it all. now i’m up again and just hope to keep it that way.

if a person doesn’t feel any CONNECTION to their race, they are prob more likely to race mix. so we should try to encourage a CONNECTION to our race.

now, women. is it TOO MUCH TO EXPECT? we said that women arent concerned with loyalty to the ingroup. they will just conform with whatever is STRONGEST, regardless of race. but maybe if their FATHER can instill a connection to her race, that would be good.

i feel a strong connection to muh race and say ABSOLUTELY NOT to the idea of race mixing. MAYBE I would BANG a nonwhite just because I am insanely DESPERATE. but never marry, have rel, or have children with.

also wouldnt it be pretty symbolic for me to bang a young arab moslem gurl hahahaha. be like RACE WAR NOW. occasionally you see a 20 year old moslem gurl that is not terrible looking. but damn they probably have really hairy arms and smell terrible. i mean its a slippery slope and i shouldnt even joke about desperation banging a nonwhite.

aprl 13

https://bbs.dailystormer.com/t/charging-bull-artist-calls-out-debauched-feminist-perversion-of-fearless-girl/98896

women are sadists who enjoy destroying and ruining things sadistically, destroying things, turning the positive into negative hahaha.

wow who broke anglins heart hahahaha.

no i totally sympathize. but i just want to repeat that the women I personally know in real life, who all happen to be above 45 years old, do not seem this bad at all. someone needs to white knight for the over 45 women hahaha. they arent that bad. but yeah. the under 45s need to be physically restrained.

so are they like kali? or shiva? whats the difference?

i also heard about this kalki, who is the destroyer of FILTH. thats a great one for me. I would be kalki then.

heh that might be the most woman hating thread yet. i am pumping muh fist and saying YUSS YUSS YASS after every woman hating post.

https://bbs.dailystormer.com/t/worthless-marxist-whore-asks-is-it-time-to-deny-white-men-the-franchise/99009

hehehe probable joo in south africa sez its time to take away the vote from hwyte men in that country. pay your dues oppressors!

this is what RADICAL TRANSFORMATION looks like!!!!!

transformational leadership hehehehe.

well yeah i guess im looking to transform stuff to. meaning get the j’s out and put the hwyte man back in power hahahaha.

http://archive.is/lvijm

porn as a secret weapon by laksha darkmoon, i know ive seen this before, prob worth looking at, saw somebody on DS link it

ok looks pretty wise the JP hahahaha

https://www.darkmoonDOTme/2014/sex-plague-the-normalization-of-deviance-and-depravity-by-lasha-darkmoon/

ok this one looks pretty good too, i should start reading this site. if this is really a woman, they are pretty smart for a woman hahahaha.

 

WHEN YOU WANT IT DONE FAST *AND* RIGHT

april 5

http://bbs.dailystormer.com/t/women-running-5-dollar-tinder-scam-judenpresse-praises-them-as-heroes/96454

this guy eric striker i know ive liked some of his articles before. but this is a new low ahaha. i used to think my great business idea was to pay normie, non-hooker women to hang out with you and pretend to be interested in you. hangout hookers or hug hookers or cuddle hookers. pay 50 bucks for 15 minutes of cuddling, that kind of thing, to get kind of a GFE from a woman who was not an ACTUAL hooker.

so whats happening now is that normie, nonhooker, 20 year tinder slut college gurls are just saying send me 5 bucks and see what happens.

NOTHING. its actually pretty smart but TOTALLY jooish. of course men will pay for any hint of a woman and here we have a young attractive gurl who actually is taking advantage of that. she is getting hundreds of dollars a week from one slutty picture. DAMN.

you could probably also shake your CLOTHED tits and ass on camera and make a few hundred a week doing that. its kinda less slutty than actually fooking the guy or showing your tits. but it is very very very jooish and i wouldnt want a wife who did any of that shit.

im not even paying attention to the news. apparently trvmp is cucking and selling out to his joo kushner hahahah. and jooing over god emperor bannon. bannon kicked off security council. trvmp cucking to israel so they can use isis to take over syria and grab more land for israel hahaha.

i dont understand why israel just cant like take over a yuge part of syria right now and without the US’s involvement. i mean they are rich and they have bombz.

something about syrian gas attack, assad gassing children, and now trump needs to support israel in attacking assad and liberating syria or some shit

what if the US goes into syria and wipes out assad AND isis?  would that be ok? well i think actually assad is super dangerous because he is a legit threat to israel. kind of.

ok so russia is backing assad…..

israel is backing isis…..

US is on the fence….

iran….backing assad???

saudi arabia….backing isis??? because saudis are a joo puppet?? i cant remember hahahaha

so ivanka aka “yael” is totally jooed and her and kushner are manipulating daddy into war with russian and iran. that is the idea. and make shitloads of money off that war.

heh. well iran is pretty useless but it would be heartbreaking to go to war with RUSSIA. no more wars with whites. but i thought russia was jooed too?

there is a new guy on DS claiming to be a Washington Insider who worked to get Trvmp in, and is now feeling betrayed by stuff thats going on right now in that vein. nationalists like bannon on the way out, zionists and neocohens like kushner on the way up.

http://bbs.dailystormer.com/t/bannon-kicked-off-national-security-council-wtf-is-this-shit/96768/

this story. some black pilling shit here hahaha. havent been wathcing news.

havent been reading GLR!

so this is trump softening and selling out to the joo basically, letting us all down. i guess its not surprising and we should enjoy the good times while they lasted. well we did!

so yeah i guess today was a big day. i have not watched any MSM yet, only read daily stormer forums and a lot of action on these stories. not really a bad way to get news hahaha althoguth this news does not sound good from here.

jordan is on the side of the joos.

so ww3 is going to be us, israel, jordan, saudi?, the joo N, the E Joo, vs syria, russia, china, iran?

and russia is going fly nukes into the US? i guess thats the plan hahahaha.

basically i am seeing shit TURNING for the first real time today. i mean i need to sleep on this a few nights like i do with anything thats even a medium deal.

so kushner is controlling trvmp thru daddys little gurl. yeah i mean it makes sense. i always knew that was gonna be a Chink in the Armour.  just wasnt sure how or when it would play out.

some people are full blown the end is near, you need to be prepping with food and ammo and gunz cuz there will be blood in the streets in the US

sheeeeeeeeit i guess i will be sorry for not being serious about prepping.

george feels having drama with some autistic tomboy weight lifting gurl he liked. then some stupid shit happened and she talked shit about him, he possibly talked shit about her, i dont care, im on georges side here hahaha. i am slowly raising my bet on him hahahaha.

pretty sure i am too old to be drafted into war for ZOG hahaha.

but i wont be able to defend muh fambly from negros and arabs when the power goes out for a month and people cant get gas or electric or food. so nonwhite mobs will roam the streets with gunz and we will need to protect our homes and families with gunz.

unless these are jooish anti-trump SHILLS trying to turn people against trump hahahaha with joo lies i mean i wouldnt be surpirsed by that either

whatever it is, i am certain the j’s are behind it. prove me fookin wrong.

some might think i am a J because I am so vehmently anti-j hahahaha. there’s really i can say to that except to tell you one of my best qualities is my GOOD FAITH. you can trust me to come in good faith and tell you what i believe is the truth. i might not be courageous to stand up for the truth though! but i come in good faith 99.99999999% of the time.

im not even RIGHT all of the time. but i will in good faith admit when i am wrong. shit i am wrong about 50% of things. and the other 50% of times, i just confused and Just Dont Know.

But I do know that I am right about these J’s. they have to go back.

Esp funny, since the vast majority of Actual Joos I’ve met in my life have been pretty much decent people. even the slutty leftist jooish women. they weren’t Evil People. I don’t THINK.

But the Joos as a WHOLE GROUP, have caused so much damage it cant be denied.

h0l0c0st denier? how about h0l0c0st TRUTH denier HAHAHAHAHAHAHA

most of the individual jooz i’ve met have been ok-to-pretty-darn-good people. but my problem is with the GROUP, not some individuals of the group, and their whole GROUP needs to go back. period. the good does not outweigh the bad.

they have turned our men into phaggots and our women into mudshark whores. they are a CANCER to our people. this has been going on for THOUSANDS of years in MANY different countries of goys.

http://bbs.dailystormer.com/t/man-captures-images-of-jews-shape-shifting-in-and-out-of-their-white-disguise/96044

eric striker muh lad another great article hehehehe

THEY ADMIT IT THEMSELVES!!!! this is one thing that finally sold me. the PRETEND to be hwyte when they are apologizing for how evil and racist hwytes are, my fellow hwytes, you dont GET to tone police PoCs on the the systematic racism of police brutality……and then sooner or later, oy vey im jooish! and having pizza and wine for purim. oy vey! there are many atheist jews, its not just a religion! except when it is!

GLR is talking about this exact thing in WP on page 125 or so.  They are CONSTANTLY SHAPE SHIFTING and Shedding Skin whenever it suits them, between 3 main forms: a RELIGION, a RACE, and a NATION. we’re not this, we’re that! we’re not that, we’re this now!

you anti semite! you wouldnt say all catholics or all lutherans!

you anti semite! muh shoah, muh 6 gorillion!

the goddamn CHUTZPAH!!!!!!!!

HE CRIES OUT AS HE STRIKES YOU!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

that eric striker article above points this out brilliantly. curating some tweets from wagner clemente soto. who was following ME back in 2011 when i had a semi-political, semi-racial twitter. i was proto-alt-right in 2011 hahahahahahahhahahahahaha.

my fellow hwytes, we all benefit from hwyte privilege, and heres why, and we dont get to tone police and we dont get to tell PoCs how to feel bla bla bla bla. ALWAYS a joo! well….not always. I’ve seen actual hwyte people who talk like this. damn THOSE are SAD!

april 6

hmm still watching this twin peaks pilot. this is confusing af. i watched all of twin peaks once, all the way thru, one episode after the other, like 13 years ago.

shit i forgot about the race mixing with sheriff truman and the chinee bitch who had race mixed prior with the superrich capitalist mr packard. why do these powerful white men fall for this gold digging chinee skank?

theres some other degenerate stuff like laura palmers secret life, but thats not GLORIFIED like this race mixing. and the chinee woman is portrayed as all WISE and SERIOUS and PROFOUND and DEEP and important and respected and respectable. to be fair, she does have a low energy demeanor and is not all shrill……but marrying a superrich wood baron? come on. its obvious.

but yeah there is so much going on here. i dont remember ANY of this.

also i dont think its really fair to say good clean SMALL TOWN GOYIM are  THIS degenerate. youre WRONG about that DAVID LYNCH. sometimes people just ARE squeaky clean. I guess dale cooper and sheriff truman represent that. fine. i mean i can tell lynch APPRECIATES that nondegenness. i just think he appreciates the degen a little too much!

so am I against the lesbian shit in mulholland dr, one of muh fav movies of all time?

man. i can live with ditching woody allen, but i would be SAD about having to ditch dave lynch.

I really hope he doesnt joo out with the NEW twin peaks. that is the biggest thing he’s done in 10 years and it might be the last thing he ever does because he is getting OLD. i hope it isnt totally jooed. im sure it will be a LITTLE jooed because the ORIGINAL was a little jooed in 1990.

ok. had a dream last night with THAT WOMAN. i was talking to her and trying to get her to pay attention to me but she was ignoring me. this kinda happened in real life too. i just really hated being ignored by her. i know how that sounds. makes me the bad guy who always NEEDS something. and yeah i WAS that a bit too much.

anyway in dream she turned around suddenly and snapped, “I REALLY, REALLY, REALLY hope you get the help you so desperately need for your ANXIETY ISSUES.” then turned immediately back around and resumed ignoring me.

that was interesting. it basically says, no i DONT really care, take your stupid ISSUES and leave me alone.

which i guess is prob what she WAS actually thinking.

at THAT time, I WAS filled with severe anxiety about everything! now, not so much, thank GOD. I’m doing OK with ANXIETY, thank GOD. but negative attitude is still RAAAAAAGING.

dream did not ruin day. her appearance was very very brief. nowhere NEAR as bad as the dream i had with her like 5 days ago.

but yeah lesson is, NEVER be passive agressive with women. they hate it, and you hate it too. just rip the band aid off and say what you wanna say and get it over with.

had fairly unproductive day.  because people aren’t expecting me to create/publish/deliver something every 20 minutes, i can get away with procrastinating on shit. tasks that i SHOULD BE doing, but i get STUCK like a deer in headlights and just start clicking tabs. I’m not even ENJOYING the procrastination. I WANT to be doing my task. it would HELP if somebody were ON MY ASS every 20 minutes saying, lemme see where you are at here. ok, this isn’t working, so you do this now.

when this is not how normie adults work! they are self-starting!

so now I gotta play CATCH UP over the weekend. and get to a point by monday that I feel  I SHOULD have gotten to today. and then some, as a show of good will. good faith. extra added value.

so yeah. i can see why ANYONE hate passive aggressive wimpy shit, and i only ever do it with women, not men, and i do it because i am SCARED to say whats REALLY on my mind. never again.

sucks to be so red pilled you cant even enjoy twin peaks any more! shit remember the MOVIE was een more degenerate! remember that david lynch is kinda a pervert that likes to show tits and ass!

so he’s always been kinda jooed, but its DISAPPOINTING because you know he’s a goy at heart.  and in many ways luvs his inner goy as he should. but he also needs to defoo the joo within, and i dont think he will, if he hasn’t by age 75 or however old he is. the new twin peaks will prob be jooed wtih plenty of tits, ass, and dark sleazy jooish degeneracy.

but it will DEF get lots of people talking about david lynch, prob the most they ever did since the LAST twin peaks 26 years ago. i mean REALLY. how many people saw inland empire, let alone people like me who saw it literally 10 times.

however there is no one else ever who has tapped into this Scary Dark place that Lynch has. it is very primordial and very very terrifying, i guess i like that sense of fear.

and joos live their lives that way and want us to too. to be thrown in that black jooish void of chaos, fear, terror, horror. perhaps lovecraft was also getting at this. and lovecraft def knew the deal with the J’s! could lynch maybe do a good lovecraft story? MAYBE. MAYBE. but i cant see lynch adapting other people (see dune) and i cant see lovecraft being made into a film. even a crazy lynch film.

but yeah. even in “squeaky clean” 1990 twin peaks, where 99.999999% of people are whyte except for the chinee and a few injuns, people dress like its 1950, they still all do degen shit like Cheating and Cocaine and Fornication.

High school kids that are 25 years old and cheating and fooking and doing coke! come on!

EVERYBODY is cheating on their husband or wife! I forgot about this aspect.

It’s nice that it shows women are dirty heartless bitches….but the men are no better! they are just as sleazy….and even STUPIDER.

COME ON DAVE!!!!!!

i mean its not like i didnt know what twin peaks WAS. and that it was like this 26 YEARS ago.

is The Subconscious Inherently Jooish? I don’t know. I don’t think so, even though a lot of jooish shit IS subconscious, like everything Freud talked about. your subconscious wants to fook your own mother. have your mother peg you with a strapon. jooish bullshit like that.

like your (((((((id)))))))) is at core, this jooish hideous thing ….. or at best, just a muh dick negro!

no theres a hwyte PERSPECTIVE on the subconscious, that you have this noble core, or maybe some kind of shared European Subconscious.

heh. i wish lynch would use his transcendental meditation to meditate more on THIS. on his hwyte soul. he obviously is getting into some very deep corners of the soul. just wish he could show more of the good hwyte parts.

so no I dont believe he is racially aware and I would love for him to be.

he’s always been one of muh favorite filmmakers. but so was woody allen. who ive since disavowed. i would not be so HAPPY about disavowing lynch because he’s far less jooish than allen.

another great example. harmony korine. he made two excellent movies, gummo and julien donkey boy. i have seen both many, many times. i guess you could say he is a more jooish form of lynch! when i was young i had no concept of korine being jooish. in fact, i bet he might not even be obsessed with his own jooishness!

but after you are redpilled, you cant help, why is this Actual Joo showing Goys in such pathetic, degenerate ways? the horrible destroyed, broken, twisted, jooed people of those two movies.

when you’re young you enjoy it because you were EDGY and i bet he felt the same way when he was young and MADE the movies!

i didnt keep up with his later stuff. i wanted to, but he was SO inactive and eventually i lost interest. “mister lonely” was ok but nothing classic.

i did watch some fassbinder on his recommendation, guess fassbinder was a big influence on him. and guess what, fassbinder is i THINK hwyte but he MIGHT AS WELL be J. wont lie, i liked some of his stuff though. i actually watched about 33% of berlin alexanderplatz and it was pretty good. i was only starting to get redpilled then. not sure how i would have viewed the nazi element of that movie.

oh shit he did that movie ali fear eats the soul which was totally degenerate: an old white woman falls in luv with a big black arab buck ali. i think he was a BERBER from MOROCCO.

or this other one where fassbinder essentially played himself, a degen phaggot hungry for c0ck.

see, fassbinder is nothing to GLORIFY.

and neither is korine. but i can’t deny that JDB, I watched that movie MANY times during my youth and it left a BIG impression. TOO big, probably.

i’ve more or less disavowed korine and doing so didnt disappoint me so much as if i had to disavow lynch, was what i was getting at.

but the location of twin peaks is GREAT. SUPER hwyte. you really want to BE there. i am looking at maps of washington state trying to find a town that is most like twin peaks.

interesting that lynch has made great work both in the Urban and more Rural settings. i of course thinks he needs to crush the urbanite parts of himself. less LA and more missoula montana man.

i hate to think that FILM ITSELF is INHERENTLY jooish……but it HAS been TAINTED by jooish influence since the VERY beginning.

i havent had much desire to watch tv or movies the past couple of YEARS. i just have shit on as background noise while i am neckbearding on internet. blogging about joos and failure and women. losing at poker. reading white power and 1489 stuff hahahah.

heh. took 1 benedryl and 1 valium already so…mind is getting cloudy and tired, cant BLOG too much hehe.

but yeah dont like that my WORK was compromised today because i was so scatterbrained and indecisive. i couldnt GET AWAY with this at a REAL job. i would be FIRED.

so now, for doing BAD today, i need to do an equal amount of GOOD, OFF the clock, to REPAY them, and to “save” myself and my job.

in the real world, you run ragged all day SLAMMED with work being super busy all day…..then you play CATCH UP at home and on weekends, doing MORE work so that you looks even more productive, and can me unreasonable standards and not get fired.

you dont get to relax and do things related to you or or family. you must nervously do MORE WORK to try to stop from getting sucked under in the undertow.

and you CERTAINLY dont get a whole day to SLACK OFF just clicking through a bunch of TABS and not really PRODUCING anything because youre just like well I DUNNO HOW TO DO THIS REALLY and now muh mind is going blank. maybe i should go on DISABILITY because MUH ISSUES have made me UNABLE TO WORK hahahahahahahaha.

there was one time IRL where that woman did turn and snap at me. i was whining like a beotch about a tuff day at the job hoping she would commiserate with me, that it was tuff for her to, and we could both bond over hating the job, and i sounded like a weak bitch, and she snapped LEAVE. PLEASE LEAVE. which was the most direct thing she ever said to me. i was shocked. i mean it totally makes sense, i totally understand why she did it.

and when our rel ended she essentially did the same thing but did not even say 2 words. but yeah that first time was like a prelude. i was hoping she would apologize for that but no i of course apologized LIKE A BITCH. STOP APOLOGIZING. NEVER APOLOGIZE. especially not out of weak desperation. i was in a pathetic, desperate, helpless, hopeless state. that is my excuse hahahaha. sometimes i GET really hopeless and desperate hahaha.

but yeah in that first snapping i was hoping for more sympathy, an apology, something that she was trying to see it from my side and not trying to be a bitch hahahaha. since i never got that, i feared she thought the worst of me when she really dumped me.

but yeah th edream wasnt that bad. i was much more frustrated by not being able to make any progress on my work. it was more like i was autistic because i couldnt visualize how the end product would look, so i could barely even muddle through on Just Doing Something until it Started To Look Like Something. i KNOW thats the best way to appoach this and I still didnt do it. was i scared? i was more distracted than SCARED. although i would have been just as unproductive if id been scared/anxious/nervous.

but yeah gonna sleep well tonight. still have 2 benedryls left to take haha. plenty of people at card table right now. too bad i am so tired. could literally go to sleep right now. it is start of muh weekend. muh longass nonnormie weekend.

well i CAN tell you that the MUSIC of twin peaks stands the test of time. great, great music. been listening to the soundtrack a lot in past few months, and i think there is some extra stuff in the actual show. and its all good. love every piece of music on there. no jooish bullshit. i had a surprising vision of Being In A Band and playing the “Mr Cool Theme” with them. this is the Cool Jazzy theme with the fingersnaps and what may be a marimba. i dont know what the official name of the song is.

but yeah all the boys are muh dick white negro jock chads fooking all the slutty staceys. except they are one upping the boys in evil, by getting some strange k0ch from pure evil satanic jooish outsiders from a primordial void hahaha. so yeah thats kind of nice seeing these evil women. but the men are degen and dumb. except for dale cooper. and sheriff truman except for his ABSOLUTELY DISGUSTING YELLOW FEVER. goddamn that always rustles and triggers me. i cant recall any other yellow fever in lynch’s stuff, or any race mixing for that matter.

i dunno. i just dont think it ROTS THE SOUL to watch a basically good goy playing with some jooish degen, as it does to watch some hand rubbing merchants actively crafting the most degen shit they can because it projects their filthy souls and destroys goys souls.

http://bbs.dailystormer.com/t/for-the-sake-of-all-that-is-good-female-sexual-choice-must-be-suppressed/96932

interesting

breaking news, trump firing 50 tomohawk missiles at syrian air base RIGHT NOW, it has BEGUN, trvmp starting a WAR FOR JOOZ.

the missiles could be fake news tho hahahaha

joo don rickles dead at 90 today

i guess the tomahawk thing is on live tv news right now. just looking at twitter. will turn news on in about 30 minutes, watch 5 minutes, then got to sleep haha.

so…..just to be clear. i mean i would probably support US going in and bombing the shit out of ISIS. but how many normies understand he’s not bombing isis, he’s bombing assad, who isis is fighting against? so technically we on isis’s side here. and i guess israel would rather have isis in power than assad. not sure how or why assad has been such a Strong Bulwark against Israel.

Because assad has made alliances with China, Russia and Iran?????

bbbbut wont Trumps BASE be against this? trump supporters arent gonna like this any more than hillary supporters! i just dont get it!

apr 7

john thicc

i dont know why, i just found this meme funny. probably because this new black text word THICC is so ridiculous. you text a white mudshark slut DAYUM GURL DAT AZZ THICC  😂 😂 😂 💯💯💯

and then beautiful dumb 25 year ol white gurls with no children bend their thicc azz over for your BBC and let you fook them and give them their first of many sprog bastards ahahahahaha

spent like 15 minutes trying to refind that meme on daily stormer bbs hehehehe.

the great WEEV has been moved to make a video on it. havent watched it yet but I guess he’s saying something like i would say: lets give a few more days and see how this plays out, maybe its 4D chess hhahahaha, although it looks really bad right now, like trvmp is selling out. lets give him one chance hahahaha.

got like 10:30 of sleep which seems to be “normal” for nonwork nights as opposed to around 7 hours when i am getting up at 5am. which I do not complain about. 5am is a RESPECTABLE time to get up and makes me more normie, more winner, sheeeit i SHOULD get up at 5am on non work days just to make me a better, hwyter man! its a very hwyte, principled, ubermensch, hyperborean time to get up! its when hard working men of action, men with hwyte wives and families get up, at the latest!

actually REAL ubermensches get up at 3 am. THREE AM.

im not even really GETTING up at 5am. at 5am my alarm rings and I just watch tv news from 5 to 5:30 and drink coffee and try to not fall back asleep hahaha. the time passes REALLY quickly. nrmally 30 minutes do not pass this fast.

GOT to do some errands today. might do to walmart and buy new blue pants. really LUV their GEORGE 12 dollar pants. have 2 pair already and they are both awesome. figure why not buy 1 more.

the pants are damn near perfect. they look kind of underwhelming but then look and fit great when you put them on. absolutely no buyers remorse ever here. thank GOD. i am tempted to just stock up in case they stop making these pants, so i can have replacements when they wear out.

heh. cable tv watchathon right now. they have the orig twin peaks series. wonder if they have netflix movies. i wonder if they have the turin goddamn horse hahahahaha

hmm i could watch my other fav movie mulholland drive right now. do not have turin horse. not really surprised there.

i am doing laundry so not totally neckbearding.

debating whether to get haircut today. i SHOULD but I might not.

trump thing is weird. now the JY Slimes is reporting how “far right white nationalists and the alt right” are turning against trump because these far right racists are anti-war hahahaha.

funny when the FAR RIGHT are antiwar! hahahaha.

well i think they always HAVE been. its only EVER been NEOCOHENS who ever WANTED war! quite literally, jooz start all the wars in the world! well, in the modern world at least. since world war 1 at least hahaha.

like i said, trump supporters dont support this move, hillary and bernie supporters dont support this move. you have to ask, who DOES support it?

WHO, INDEED. TO ASK THE QUESTION IS TO ANSWER IT.

I guess that might redpill normies.

i mean NO ONE is saying this is a great idea. the best you get is, lets sleep on it a few days and see if it might play out well in the world of 4d chess. which it might. this is kind of where I am at. if it leads to a pattern of jooish trick after jooish trick, WHICH IT WELL MIGHT, then we can officially disavow trump and weep bitter tears of butthurt.

sheeit laundry is done.

ok folded and put away white t shirts. whites load hahahaha. there is actually a russian hwyte power band called whites load hahahahahahaha.

its possible the average normie amerifat might think syria is synonymous with isis, so that this attack is a good thing, because its an attack against isis. i agree that WOULD prob be a good thing!

but syria is NOT isis! syria is basically assad and HE is AGAINST isis! he is also pro-russia, pro-iran, and very anti-israel.

but arent ISIS anti-israel too?  i think they THREATEN israel much less than assad though.

but doesnt isis threaten us in the increasingly non-whitening West becuase ALL the terror attacks in the west are isis related?

assad supports syrian christians against slaughter by isis.

its safe to say all trump supporters want to see isis destroyed.

what if trump destroyed both assad AND isis?

would there then be a “power vacuum” which israel/US would then fight russia/iran over?

so in other words, assad is the only thing preventing WORLD WAR 3, and the US directly attacked him?

if i were smart enough to get into HARVARD i might UNDERSTAND all of this. i could just be a black and write #blacklivesmatter 100 times on my application essay and get into harvard hahahahha.

i should be more worried about me being Frozen and Unproductive at muh job. i might not be fired but i would def be Frowned Upon and Shunned and perhaps try to be Pressured to Quit hahahaha. but wouldnt they then give me GOOD references, because they want me OUT?

ok im gonna go to walmart, just walmart. i have a gift card anyway. its gonna be full of blacks and arabs though!

maybe i should try going to the “better” walmart?

i mean i HAVE to spend this WALMART gift card at specifically WALMART.

what would JOHN THICC do hahahaha that is the stupidest shit i have ever seen.

lets just fookin GO and get this over with. ok i did another mini chore. done. tried to do another mini chore involving a phone call, called them, they were out to damn lunch. a phone call about health care billing, hahahah talk about a lose lose situation. basically i am paying for a doctors office visit for what I think is In Full at the time of the visit, then I get a bill from the Health System 2 months later saying I owe MORE, like a Lot more. this happens every time, and every time I call the dr’s office and they “clear it up.” something about the communication between the doctors office and the health care System Billing Dept. I dont know whose fault it is. THEY probably dont know whos fault it is. i mean it looks unprofessional on both of them imho but as long as i can make one phone call and not have to pull teeth and speak to managers…shit its exactly the type of phone call I would HATE getting and HATE explaining…..because there IS no explanation! situations normal – all fooked up! that’s the explanation!

god almighty i would never want to work in medical billing, can you even imagine how jooish and horrible that is? jooish insurance companies and jooish hospitals all trying to joo poor patients as much as possible in ridiculously confusing, jooish ways, and who does the billing but single mom mudsharks and 80 IQ blacks when it would take 120 IQ just to understand the jooish complexities of this needlessly complex billing!

heh. get a masters degree in medical billing. that job might even be in demand. you might even make 18 bucks an hour with that one!

listen man i can do some calculus integrals and some CompSci 202 level coding, but i cant do basic bitch 11 dollar an hour medical billing and insurance questions! those are CONFUSING AF!!!!!!! the people taking those calls all day should be making at LEAST 18 dollars an hour, if not 20 hahaha.

call the doctors office, they said the billers werent in on fridays and to plz call back monday. HUH????? ok fine.

i have noticed a Pain Point for your business hahaha. I would solve it by having a Student Intern take billing phone calls on fridays for FREE hahahahaha. or, hire a negro or mudshark for 9 dollars an hour and have them be totally incompetent hahaha.

i just feel SORRY for these low level employees who arent TRAINED properly. there is a local political controversy where this elected official’s office is in total disarray, and all the new employees under them have no idea what they are doing. they are all young, poor, blacks making 11 dollars an hour, prob part time no benefits, and customers write to the local paper saying the Help Is Incompetent, nobody knows what they are doing, nobody is trained, what used to take you 5 minutes under the previous administration now takes an hour, its disgraceful.

i sympathize with the poor slobs on the frontlines trying to help people with their confusing questions! they are probably going to ask for a manager, but the manager is out to a looooooong lunch with crooked italian contractors getting drunk at the titty bar!

well at least italians are hwyte hahahahahahha. but these are the very sicilian nonwhyte arab looking italians always hhahaha. no thank you!

the sad thing is i know i applied for like 3 jobs in this department. it was prob a revolving door of people quitting or getting fired because the management is SO BAD it has become a PUBLIC SCANDAL in the local news.

well a lot of the people are unfirable, union tho.

its confusing. hire a 80 IQ negro to splain it to me for 9 dollars an hour hahaha.

see what i mean? TRAINING. I think even 80 iq people could do this if TRAINED properly. also, 120 people are still going to struggle if they dont have the correct INFORMATION to do the job. PLUS, its hard even for SMART people to answer Tuff Problems if they are being Pressured by Angry Assholes to work faster, do better.

they dont prepare you for this in skool or college and they should.

Hire ME. when you want it done fast AND done right. it doesnt matter what it is.

that is gonna be my new calling card. I do things fast AND right. everything.

ok got back from WALMART. i am happy to have accomplished something today. do one thing every day hahahaha. the place was absolutey FULL of blacks. some arabs but even more blacks. to the store managers credit, the store LOOKED just fine. clean and organized. got some great 12 dollar george pants, the best pants ever. again these pants are so good i should buy EXTRA. its HARD to find good pants let along GREAT pants. also found nice Faded Glory T Shirt with stripes on it. i like T shirts with some sort of design like stripes on it. this is remarkably hard to find.

did a first and bought the walmart brand BEEF. 80 20. i was wary but the beef looked all right. it was all in 2.25 pound packs for…. 6.94 each.  this is 3.08 per pound. not bad. with this I will make juicy 3 oz meatballs hahahaha and with those make THICC meatball burgers hahahaha.

😂  👌👌👌

fookin BLAX hhahaha. BLACK MEMES are essentially what these are. emojis. ebonics in text form.

used up my gift card at walmart. place was so full of blacks. i survived but my god the customers. the people of walmart. made me want to try another walmart next time.

my usual store is a supermarket like walmart but its generally hwyter, definitely better PEOPLE there. going to the closest walmart is like going to baltimore or some shit hahahaha. i am thankful my immediate area and my local supermarket are largely still hwyte. i care about these things. i am racially aware hahahahah.

the other thing that sucks about walmart is that they dont have small hand baskets like i usually use. today they didnt even have the small pushcarts, just the large pushcarts. so i had to grab everything and hold it in muh bare bear arms hahahaha.

heh what the hell is the “deep state”. seeing this term being thrown around a lot. probably just means the jooz like kushner controlling trump hahahaha.

globalists. well i mean thats a good way to describe da jooz. so i am all for people talking about the evil globalists! i mean the term has gone mainstream!

http://bbs.dailystormer.com/t/an-extremely-unfortunate-turn-of-events/97362

anglin’s semi official statement on the syrian thing

http://www.dailystormer.com/duke-striker-on-the-jewish-elites-role-in-the-usa-drug-epidemic/

looks like eric striker who wrote that EXCELLENT article on the opioid epidemic and a number of other great articles on DS, has had a talk with david duke on his opioid article. who the hell is this striker, he has a lot of potential hehehe.

see some thing in local paper about high school in very hwyte semi rural redneck area and there is a young man with a 4.0 gpa who loves the high school auto repair/tech program and now he is gonna go to college to do an engineering degree in something diesel related. he seemed like a healthy happy normie. i was jelly of the young man who at age 17 says, i wanna do my career in DIESEL. design and build huge diesel engines. which there is huge money in this. repairing engines of 600000000000 dollar pieces of mining equipment which have huge diesel engines. huge machinery and engines normies cant even THINK of.

but he clearly got his interest in diesel from doing his high school auto tech program.

then i am jelly my high school didnt have an auto program because they were trying to prepare everyone for UNIVERSITY. then i think, if they had an auto program, would I have done it? if they HAD an hvac or auto or welding or electrician or cnc machining or some sort of trade program…..would I have done it????? its impossible to say.

this is possibly the best taake song and captures everything great about his style. it is very masculine and high energy. yet also grim. i cant rightfully call it “cold” cuz its very hot-blooded. also rather than repeating one riff 60000000 times like boortzum, he crams 6000000000 riffs into one song like technical death metal or something. BUTTTTTTTTT all those riffs flow PERFECTLY. the amount of air guitaring, air drumming i do throughout basically this whole song is insane. it only slows down in the last 30 seconds.

i will be obnoxiously calling for this song at the taake concert and hopefully will rustle hoest’s jimmies hahahahahahahaha.

so yeah i am happy about the walmart george 12 dollar pants. flat front, classic/normie fit, at that perfect intersection of looking fancy but not super fancy, and a cotton/polyester blend so they are both light and soft. best fooking pants ever.

https://www.walmart.com/ip/15024506?wmlspartner=wlpa

these are the pants, i’m 90% sure hahahaha. buy 4 pair right now and thank me later. i have gray, khaki, and now blue. i am tempted to get the black ones too.

WHAT WOULD JOHN THICC DO?

heh this is really a shit tier meme that wont ever take off, only i think its funny because its so goddamn bad.

also the faded glory striped tshirt is great. fooking great. this is why i like walmart. nice clothes for a nice price. i mean its way more expensive than the thrift store, but i rarely find anything good at the thrift store.

http://bbs.dailystormer.com/t/11-year-old-boy-kills-self-after-gf-fakes-death-i-blame-single-motherhood/97270/

great comments hahahaha

every link i link is to daily stormer hahaha.  i am not anti TRS, i jsut am taking a temp break from them.

never do you find a dog that fires his owner because he wants to find a better owner. leaves his owner for seemingly greener pastures. i am trying to make a point about women hahahaha. dogs are loyal, women are not like dogs, women know no loyalty hahahaha and that sucks.

well they are loyal to brute strength arent they? i mean didnt we conclude that this all MADE SENSE? if YOU could get preggers wouldnt you stop being loyal to your PROTECTOR as soon as he showed he wasnt STRONG enough to protect you any more?

seeing all this stuff about “greater israel” which i guess is what israel wants to expand to, to basically go all the way to the persian gulf, take over large areas of syria, iraq, and saudia arabia, probably pick up a lot of oil in the process.

ever wonder why you never see an ISIS attack in israel??? hehehehehe.

👌

hahahaha

oh yeah. so lets say you go to normie degen high school. wouldnt you HAVE to see a few white mudshark slut girls, even if there were only 2 black kids in your school? they would certainly be banging white sluts.

in other words, maybe most (hwyte) men HAVE personally experienced mudhsharks, ie personally known women who have done it.

but were they CLOSE to them? did they really KNOW the women? did they CARE about them and WANT them? only to be brutally rejected for the mud? or were they just that dirty pathetic mudshark ho over there, it never really affected you on a deep level, never helped you become racially redpilled?

i mean i never met any mudsharks until i was like 25 years old simply because i didnt know many women. and if the few women i had met prior to that were fooking blacks…..well i just didnt KNOW about it.

i mean you gotta KNOW the women well enough to at least know WHO they are fooking. do you even know HALF the women you know that well?

oh shit so every women is a mudshark unless proven otherwise hahahaha guilty until proven innocent.

hahaha no but seriously, i would say innocent until proven guilty. and its not like i had to do cia shit with these women. they POST the shit on FACEBOOK!

yeah but im not on facebook anymore so how am i gonna do mudshark recon? well i figure just ask any women i get to know personally. jsut ask them. half the time they will be truthful. yeah ive been with blacks what it to you? you a racist or something? yes i am, now gtfo mudshark!

 

NEVER TRUST NONNEVERGF NORMIES

nov 1

sheeeeeeeeeeit rejected for the part time city job, 15 an hour, was hopign for this as a kind of baby steps, training wheels, safety net. they had THREE positions open so i thought i had a chance. sent thank you emails to the three people on interview panel. (representing the three departments/positions.) got rejection email today. spent 14 minutes on application, 90 minutes in first test, 30 minutes on second test, 40 minutes on interview, and rejected. damn.

well, they either have promised the jobs to family members, and or they are looking for an older married woman who is looking for part time job AND NOT full time job. because i made a statement like, “a full time position is my #1 priority.” basically saying to them its not my first choice that this job is part time. and you want a candidate who makes you a #1 Priority not an option!

i dunno, i’ll never know.

but yeah thats disappointing. believe me a part time baby steps job would be a BIG DEAL and possible LIFE CHANGER, just for showing that I can HANDLE some kind of Employment without completely losing my mind and running away panicquitting!

its kinda hard convincing someone “its company policy, you cant do that” if the company policy isnt WRITTEN DOWN anywhere, AND there is no good faith attempt at an explanation. you figure there is always some wizard in the back room with 2 years of experience (hehehehe) who knows the Secret Way Around Things. but you have just as much access to this Guru Ninja, as Joe Flabeetz off the Streetz!!!!!!

i was thinking of a stupid case just today, and i should make a GOod Story out of it while its fresh in my mind.

caller is moving to another company location 1 mile away. caller wants to move his client list from location 1 to location 2. he figures thats reasonable. calls, gets me, asks me to do that for him / get that process started. i say ok let me put you on hold for a few minutes while i figure this out. cant find any good articles. ask the people around me because i dont want to get Dinged for going into the Official Advice Chat, because that shows you arent trying hard enough to figure it out on your own, and just want your Hand Held. people around me say you cant do that, cant be done, and continue focusing on their own cases. Really, I say? why not? what should I tell this guy? just tell him it can’t be done. company policy. yeah but why? and couldn’t there possibly be a way to just copy the files manually to a flash drive, then load them into the other office? i mean these are all just FILES, right? why can’t you move a file from one computer to another? I mean yeah I know all the files look like WKDNSUH193734940.ngr and are in 1488 different locations, but…..isnt that what we have tier 2 and 3 for? this has got to be an escalated case right? people around me sigh and say, well, youre getting way too deep, plus theyre gonna say no anyway, that would take way too much time, but if you want to ask for escalation, go ahead, theyre just gonna say no, nothing we can do. and im like WRONG, there IS stuff we can do, but just be straight with me and my caller that it would take to much time and money, I can understand that, he can understand that.

i guess the reason you cant move a client list is so that people can’t “steal” their client information when they leave the company, and use that to start their own business or something.

yeah but this guys not leaving the company! he’s just moving to a different office! a fairly common thing!!!!

so i still dont understand. but for the purposes of my Story that i’m gonna tell the interviewer, i have to make it look like i made sense out of all this.

i think i just said, yeah i checked, this cant be done, i guess its security policy so people can’t easily leave the company with their client lists, sorry, i tried. and he was like ok fine i guess. thats our company for you, always getting in the way with stupid policies.

maybe im asking too much with a minimum of 12 dollars an hour. maybe i should drop it down to 10 dollars an hour. i see more 10 dollar an hour job openings than 12 dollars an hour.

maybe in another year of joblessness hahahahahaha.

anyway a good answer for that guy would be, welp, it would be FASTER and CHEAPER for you to sit there in the first office, print out 2000 pages of paper for all the clients files, and then bring the boxes of printouts to the new office, and manually reenter them into that computer, than it would be to transfer the files from one office to another.

but youre kidding me. i mean i get the security thing if the employee is permanently leaving. but employees transfer offices ALL THE TIME. YOURE TELLING ME that for the 100 employees that are transferred to a different office EVERY DAY, theres NO WAY for them to have access to their old files from the new office? that doesnt even make sense how that would be a policy!

i understand completely. if you’d like to dispute the policy, the best person to speak to is the office manager.

I AM THE OFFICE MANAGER!

I mean, speak to YOUR manager, the district manager.

HE SAID TO CALL YOU!!!!

And I’m saying to call him and say that we can’t fix this. I’m not sure he can fix this, but he sure has a better chance at having more power than me.

well why cant you just trasnfer me to YOUR manager? certainly they have more power than you?

yeah they have too many cases and they dont think this case is worthwhile. sorry.

I want to hear this from them.

OK I’ll request a callback, but can’t give you a time other than to say it will be within the next 72 hours. And I can’t give you the person’s name. it could be any of 20 people.

you have 20 managers?

no, see, the managers don’t know anything. they only know how to MANAGE, and they dont do that very well. I’m having a level 2 person call you. they’re like level 1 people who have been around for 3 years and actually know stuff and can explain stuff. sorta.

i cant make this up folks. i worried that my fam would think i was weird or homosexual because i never talked to gurls, never had a GF, never had female friends, come on fam im 23, 25 years old, dont you think this is WEIRD? dont you worry im a weird pedophile? then i got to 30 with no GF, no female friends, and it was a lot easier hahahaha. it was like yep thats just the way he is. terrible with the ladies. but they never SAID i was weird or that they were disappointed. i thought it was weird that they didnt THINK it was weird, cuz i sure thought it was weird!

shit. might as well listen to that new deathspell omega album. not even excited. not sure i could get excited about a metal album ever again. new darkthrone album was kinda disappointing. what if boortzum made a new metal album? it would prob be disappointing like his last metal album. ok then what about muh boy mikko makes a new album? well see i didnt even really get into his new vapaudenristi album. i would prob get excited about a new stabat mater album hahahahahaha. we are abotu due for one of those.  uhhhh metal. big metal fan. yep.

mgla? yeah thats probably the most excited id get about a new metal album.

nonmetal album? i dunno. leonard cohen comes out with new albums and i dont even care, tom waits could prob come out with a new album and i wouldnt care, cuz i was underwhelmed by his last album like 5 years ago hahahaha. cmon tom.

tom waits net worth is 25 million hahahahaha.

heh. rej email for a 32k job. well, thats way more than 26k hahahaha. but ok well this is the county. i have been interviewed by the county for a….33k job and a 40k job. really would have liked that 40k job. but i get rejected for all the 26k, 28k jobs i apply for with the county. you gotta go to harvard or mit to get a 26k job with the county apparently hahahahaha.

OR JUST NOT HAVE A 15 MONTH GAP hahahahaha is much more like it!

if i ever got a gf i could see it being like this hahahahaha. but at least he cares about dumping her in a good way rather than just Ghosting and Blocking her hahahahaha.

yeah thats the hard thing when things END right in the middle of Your Honeymoon Period, is that it takes much longer to get over, becuase youre always thinking WHAT IF, WHAT IF, WHAT IF. you never got bored with them, you never got in a rut, you never thought maybe the grass is greener, they were always your perfect angel, never though, welp im bored with this person, they dont CHALLENGE me to be a BETTER PERSON, hahahahaha hahahaha.  or whatever bullshit hahahaha.

well honestly when you are in true honeymoon period, you DO feel like you want to be a better person because of them, the cliche is true!

i guess…..well you know you get that feeling of please just escalate this case, i dont know what im doing, this is above my paygrade, i dont know how to explain this, i just want another person to look at this and at least give them a better reason…..but youre not getting approval to escalate, and you sound like an idiot. in hindsight, the best thing to do would be, plan on staying an extra hour just to work on their case, and be like, i’ll call you back at 630 pm. thats the best i can do. because noone else is willing or able to look at this. and i need like an hour to figure it out. but i dont have an hour because we have calls in queue and i’m already over 20 minutes with your call. so im gonna sacrifice my family time so i can do work for free, for you. so you better tell my manager i deserve a promotion. not some diversity person from outside of the company.

listened to the new DsO. sounded just like the old DsO hahahahahaha. jangly and angular and chaotic and noisy and confusing. it sounds like what my mind felt like trying to do my old job. jumbled and confused and making no sense. anyway nothing new in DsO’s bag of tricks. total emperor has no clothes. they cannot get away with this any longer hahahahaha. just an exercise in wankery. yeah i kinda like crazy blast beats behind semi-clean guitars, yeah i like mikko, yeah they have their own STYLE of weird nonsense music, so you could tell them apart from other “math rock” or “technical” groups………but I guess Im just not super into the technical stuff.

i mean honestly. WHAT ARE YOUR MUSICAL INFLUENCES. thats what i would ask him. probably a lot of jazz hahaha. ornette coleman hahaha.

it sounds just like all their other albums, a pile of noise hahahahahahahahaha. smoke and mirrors. if he was actually down to earth enough to give an interview, people would say, yeah you know youre not as good as you think you are, ya underachieving autist hahahahahaha.  go make some more money at your normiejob and go cuddle with your tradwife hahahaha.

enjoy your beautiful part of france where there are beautiful mountains and forests and small towns and white people and no browns like in godforsaken paris. or calais hahahaha.

fooking k1ke bastards. cant even hire me for a part time job. was it because they can TELL im not a NORMIE? just like WOMEN can tell hahahah.

no thats not true, even THAT WOMAN didnt realize how much of a nonnormie i was! and she didnt Block me because she realized exactly HOW fooked up i was, she just blocked me because she was a coward. for all she knows, im a total normie who dates wimmin hahaha.  i mean this reflects worse on her than it does on me.

https://www.google.com/webhp?sourceid=chrome-instant&rlz=1C1NHXL_enUS687US687&ion=1&espv=2&ie=UTF-8#q=what%20to%20say%20in%20any%20situation

namely, any DIFFICULT/TUFF situation hahahahaha.

http://www.socialanxietysupport.com/forum/f21/anyone-else-have-a-job-but-no-life-339841/index5.html

heh i should put SAS in the sidebar o links, decent forum. bunch sad sacks with no friends, no gf, some have jobs, some dont.

how did they GET these jobs?

yeah its muh GAP which is hurting me more than my lack of Interviewing Charisma. I actually have prob around average interview skills. better than that woman hahahahahahahahahaha who i still think about and compare myself to even though she has been out of my life forever for 16 months and is never coming back.

yeah the whole reason i LUV MJ now is because i used WAY TOO MUCH of it in my youth, age 25 and earlier. big mistake. never should have. but ive screwed the pooch now. because i ruined myself when i was young, i will pretty much always be addicted to w33d hahahaha. in that i am ALWAYS thinking about it, EVERY DAY, even when I only have it once every 200 days, im thinking about it all the other 199 days.  yes it sucks but DEAL WITH IT.

and the best way to do that, is just get a job any job ASAP,  find a MJ Hookup ASAP, and make a Big Buy ASAP. like $100 at least. buy a BIG bag of MJ.

get on disability because i have too much anxiety to work a job like a normie, then spend money on MJ hahaha.

those fookin phaggots rejecting me for the part time job when there were THREE openings. god damn. 3 openings and less than 30 people in the running. how the HELL was i not in the top 20%? where DID I rank? HOW close was I to getting the job? and what if i WASNT EVEN CLOSE?

again they probably wanted somebody who was perfectly happy with part time job, rather than someone who admitted yeah my goal is to get a full time job. probably hired a retired 65 year old person who just wanted something to DO to keep from getting BORED with retirement hahahahaha. fookin baby boomers.

rather than 50 year old people who are FORCED into early retirement and have to eat dogfood and live in section 8 housing with negros hahahahaha. elderly white people living in the black ghetto, eating dogfood. which is also black slang for heron.

ANYWAY. so i will crap on deathspell omega because……they are FRUSTRATING. basically they intentionally gave up catchy riffs in favor of super uncatchy “riffs” and its like they did this on purpose, they are purposely frustrating, and i liked that when i was 16 but now that i am over twice that age, im like, i want to listen to music to ENJOY it, not to work hard and struggle to overcome challenges and confusion. i have a hard enough time doing that in my daily life. just give me good songs. and i know they are capable of that! my favorite DSO songs are their slower more melodic ones!!!! “carnal malefactor” eg. beautiful song. write more songs like that. or the first song on “drought” was slow and melodic and establishes a very nice dark ominous atmosphere, before they tear it all down with their nonsense riffs…..and the nonsense riffs on “paracletus” actually seemed to work most of the time.

im getting too old for this shit hahahahahaha.

yeah but they are even older than ME! they are close to 40!

probably MJ would make it more enjoyable. i wonder if “hasjarl” does MJ. PROBABLY. knowing that would take a lot of the MYSTIQUE out. like this article on insvisible oranges implies: it seems RIDICULOUS to think of a member of DSO doing mundane things like going to walmart or tuning the guitar or having a goofy moment in the studio. to that i would add just about anything: hanging out with their waifu, taking a dump, going to work, trying to explain shit to angry customers, visiting their family. but they do all these things just like normal people, and yeah maybe i CAN imagine these things all too well, and so i think, no need to TRY so hard buddy. I KNOW youre just a damn normie! i bet he just gets super stoned and is like oh heres another wanky riff in 88/14 time that normie squares who haven’t taken jazz band 101 wont understand hehehehe. hue hue hue hue. yeah well youre a normie too buddy.

mikko aspa might not be a normie tho hahahaha.

this guy has actually gotten to the point of casual secs and can conclusively say that he is not impressed and he wants moar, but he just cant get to the second date. i mean if they FOOK on the first date, its a safe assumption theyre SOMEWHAT interested in you.  but noooooo they cant even fook you a second time!

i mean when a gurl FOOKS, how do you know whether she wants it ONLY ONCE, or more than once?

these stupid, stupid bitches. hahahaha. you think if he turned down the secs on the first date, then the women are gonna change their mind and want to go out with him for a second date?

WOMEN WHO FOOK ON THE FIRST DATE ARE NOT THE TYPE OF WOMEN YOU WANT TO HAVE A SECOND DATE WITH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

but nobody understands this anymore. there is not enough SLUT SHAMING!!!!!

treat people like actual people, human beings with feelings and hearts! thats how i treat women in real life! i talk a LOT of shit about women in general on teh internet, but in real life, with real women, I DO NO HARM!!!!!!!!!!

nov 2

yeah i was/am kinda pissed about getting rejected for the pt 15 an hour job with THREE openings. couldnt even get ONE of em. couldnt even get the WORST one.

interview tomorrow for goddamn ELEVEN dollar PT job, which is normally too low to consider for me, but i like the company, its close, i worked there before, i would luv to get FT job there, and ive had THREE interviews with them for pt 11 dollar jobs, all rejected, and the 4th tomorrow. (4 separate jobs.)

would LOVE to get call this week from the 2 other companies i int at last week. would def be disappointed af to get rej emails from them. not really PISSED, but definitely disappointed and weakened confidence. it cant get much lower folks hahahaha.

trump does not view women as full human beings, says hitlery hahahahaha. i thought, well, neither do I, but I would never want to personally do them harm. AND I view them as about 80% human beings, thats pretty good right?

still doesnt mean i would TREAT them as 80% humans, i wouldnt treat them like they have treated me hahahaha. they have treated ME like less than 80% human!!!!!!!!

anyway who cares. my new thing with interviews is, just memorize 10 stories in great detail.

let the STORIES be your guide.

i didnt know what i was doing, i couldnt explain the bad news to the caller because i didnt understand, i didnt udnetstand enough to ask the right questions to muh superiors, i got flustered. so i went home and studied the stuff until i did understand it. then the next day i called the caller again and gave them a better explanation.

even though most times just studying will nto give you the EXPLANATION you want. you still have to deduce the explanation for yourself out of the most unclear material. or speculate a reason or rationale or explanation why you Cant Do This, because nothing is given in a written company policy.

its usually safe to assume Money Is The Reason. saving money. and then you have to come up with a tactful way to explain that to the customer, we cant help you because it costs too much money.

i was watching this retarded show “taboo” which is semi entertaining, and then they did a show about “the limits of female beauty” or something and had a bit on The Most Anorexic Woman in the World, a french woman who LITERALLY looked like A Skeleton. I mean her actual FACE as well as her body was Emaciated AF and she looked like the Sloth Guy in the move Seven. looking at that face as haunting and horrifying. i said NOPE NOT GONNA WATCH THIS and i felt dirty being complicit in this very jooish exploitation.

id actually seen the episode before a few years ago. i recall they said this woman DIED shortly after the episode was completed. she was like 30 years old and LITERALLY at deaths door as they were filming, she was that bad, and she LOOKED that bad. it was HORRIFYING.

i know i was disturbed when i watched in the first time and when they showed her this time, i was super disturbed and just turned the show off. how jooish can you get.

 

sheeeeeit thats that type of stuff i worry about, now this poor sap is living it! guarantee this will be [removed] quickly hahahaha like most of the sweet reddits i post.

what if that woman did something like that? it wouldnt matter because she has been Ripped Out of my life for the past 16 months. 480 days hahahaha. who cares. doesnt matter. its all over. get over it.

so yeah my work stories suck because basically it was me getting flustered and saying uhh yeah i guess we cant do this, sorry, just deal with it, anything else i can help you with? so again, i have to SPIN those stories to show that I did Follow Up research to understand shit, and did callbacks to Clarify shit, in a world where NOTHING WAS CLEAR. half the time documentation didnt even EXIST. and the documentation that DID exist was WRONG, out of date, and or confusing/UNCLEAR AF.

and the people you can ask for help are often as unhelpful and unclear as the unclear shit you are asking for clarification on, so you learn to try to Figure It Out yourself.

anyway. ive sort of met the guy i will be talking to tomorrow. he used to walk through my department and i would give him a friendly greeting whenever i saw him. he seemed nice enough that he is actually the type who says hello to people, and i am the same way. yes thats right. im not this huge hateful asshole in real life. i am a scared coward who is so DESPERATE for peoples APPROVAL that i am super NICE to people all the time, like a total NICE GUY, the worst KIND of creep!!!!! hahahahahaha.

ok everybody wants approval. why cant we just call this golden rule. treat everyone the way you want to be treated. that is an even more valid explanation of me being nice to everybody. besides i dont stalk women like a nice guy. i send them a couple emails and let them throw me away with onyl minimal complaining.

i TALK like a huge abuser, but i have never ever ever abused a woman. but of course i worry that i would, because i TALK like an abuser when there are no women around. so its hard to tell. what is real and what is the mask?

i like to think im not REALLY an abuser. i have just been so disappointed by women that its very hard for me not to speak negatively of them. but alot of my stuff is legit criticism.

https://www.google.com/webhp?sourceid=chrome-instant&rlz=1C1NHXL_enUS687US687&ion=1&espv=2&ie=UTF-8#q=how%20do%20you%20convince%20people%20youre%20not%20an%20idiot

drop quotes by neil “magic black science man” tyson. maybe steven hawking. done.

http://archive.is/iSmnZ

stupid kyke hahahahaha why did i even trigger myself hahaha

http://introvertspring.com/introvert-may-slow-im-stupid/

yeah dont even tell the interviewer you are slightly introverted even as a way just to describe your personality is not super duper extraverted……..BECAUSE INTROVERTED IS A BAD WORD AND A BAD THING. Just say you are perfectly normal, a friendly polite person, and not necessarily the life of the party. Im just here to do a good job, not socialize. never let the word INTROVERT exit your lips. ANATHEMA.

i mean i havent done that recently, but i know i did at some point, maybe to explain why i prefer a Back Office Position over a Front Office Position.

they always say, ask her out on a DATE, BUT, problem is, youve been HANGING OUT a bit doing things that COULD be construed as datelike, where they only thing that changes is the word…..hey wanna go to dinner again…..but this time its a DATE???!?!?!?!?!?!?!??!?!?!

yeah ok fine. if this is what you have to do, i’ll accept that. i would just rather say “i am starting to get changing feelings for you and might want to DATE you” would be just as good.

anyway. MW is now in the US. and uploading vidyas regularly. hope he keeps doing that. if the “dangerous haggis tour” stops near me i would like to see him. this is exciting. i am excited for him. he is pretty excited. hopefully he hangs out with plenty of hardcore WN’s hahahaha. his first stop was staying with antidem in san f4gcisco. all i know about antidem is that he is a joo and was banned from TRS for that. hes probably one of the good ones, but…….not a great start. just go stay with greg johnson hahaha. well i know “grindr greggie” also stays near NYC as well. anyway i am SURE they will meet up. and i hope MW records as much of his visit as possible. record everything. documentary. its just fun. i am happy for him. he is a great guy. hope he doesnt bang that woman hahaha. because that woman might have gotten into alt right stuff since i stopped talking to her. hahahahaha. yeah right.

but young women will do weird celebrity worship shit tho. for example, say youre obsessed with the band sublime, so you Chat with the dead singers mother or something. what if That Woman got all into alt right, then skyped with MW for months, and said, if you ever come to the US you can stay with me…….and fook me every way imaginable! no man could turn that down!

when a purty 7/10 25 year old gurl is giving you attention, smiling at you, interested in you, wants to see you…….that is a BIG boost to the confidence!

you might think, well she’s not the sharpest knife in the drawer…..but she doesnt NEED to be! she just needs to be nice and friendly and interested!

so yeah. she could def fook MW if she wanted. she could fook ANY man she wanted. ANY woman can fook ANY man they want ehehehehe. well…..she prob couldnt fook the donald. but an E-list internet “celebrity”? absolutely.

ok ok thats enough on that person.

but we just had a REAL relship! FACT! and it was important to me! FACT! and my feelings are valid! FACT! i am entitled to be upset when i lose a Real Rel that was very important to me! FACT!

trust the process hahaha.

basically, any way you look at it, it was a REAL RELATIONSHIP, and I can’t say that about many women. maybe 2 other women, both just friends, but decent real friends. the women i pseudodated, those were just brief pseudorels, CASUAL rels, i didn’t really know them, these were NOT REAL RELS, so ultimately its prob easier to get over something THAT NEVER REALLY EXISTED.

this shit really existed though. objectively. there is ironclad EVIDENCE that would hold up in court.

so yeah. you can ghost on a casual “rel”, but when you ghost on a REAL rel…….IT HURTS.

the end.

heard about retired guy, had great 30+ year career with DoD, prob insane pension, good man, he’s done well, good white family, good white man. gets PT job in retirement to just get out of the house. scheduled like 4 hours a day. shift starts at 830 am, but he’s gotta start working at 745 am to finish the shit he has to finish by 11:30 am or whatever. i HATE this shit. doing 45 minutes of unpaid work, on a THREE HOUR shift. so you are giving them 33% PERCENT MORE, for FREE. that is like working OVER TWO HOURS FOR FREE on a regular 8-hour day.

30 minutes extra, ok fine. an hour, that’s pushing it. and i am talking about a full 8 hour day.

i HATE when you have to work off the clock just to finish the shit you HAVE to finish by the end of your shift. thats so fooking GAY and JOOISH and I BET that that shit happens a LOT more now than it did 20 years ago.

and like i said before, you cant even brag that you are GREAT about doing this, as a way to demonstrate your value, because you shouldnt even be doing this. no. just say you do the work in 8 hours what average people do in 10. and then actually stay 10 hours to do 10 hours of work. but clock out after 8. fooking skypes. hehehehe.

PURGE THE BERGS AND STEINS!!!!!!!!!!1

had weird dream last night where i was with Woman2005B aka woman4. She was a weird pale white awkward nerdy virgin, very innocent. but also kinda bitchy and unpleasant. i felt woman2015 That Woman was innocent and sweet like her, but an improvement because That Woman was MUCH nicer to me. haha.

anyway in the dream she was smuggling heroin or something like that, and then i was smuggling HER with the heroin. and i was worried about getting her K’d, because people were looking for her and her drugs. I stood to profit from the whole deal too. i had fee fees for her and she was being bitchy and difficult. on the whole the dream was pretty scary with threats of death and violence. pretty sure i got separated from her. i think there was the idea she had gotten captured and was being raept and tortured. and i felt classic survivors guilt, like i sold her out so i could survive.

anyway not a pleasant dream at all. i had to force myself to wake up, and i was glad i did, because it was getting pretty bad. then i turned over on my other side and stayed awake for a few mins, then went back to sleep, no more dream.

andrew anglin is on the TRS forum now!!!!! oooo how exciting.

i guess my ideal career would be a Social Worker or a Counselor helping Neet men and virgin men, with neetism, despair, anxiety, rels, women, careers, becoming a normie.

but social workers dont DO That kind of work. they do work with people who are WAY more fooked up, like people who get abused, addicts, borderline, sociopaths, abusers, violent, drunks, poor blacks, felons, etc. people who are REALLY on the fringes of society, yet manage to reproduce, and ruin their children with their fooked up ness.

oh yeah. that woman in 2005, she was bitchy largely because I was a bitch and totally approached her the wrong way. namely by being a sloppy drunken fool who was clearly in luv at first sight with her. and i couldnt just be like hey wanna hang out like a normal person. i already hung out with mutual friends. if i had tried just talking to her directly one on one, i wouldnt have made such a damn fool of myself. when i am in a group, its harder for me to connect with the people individually……even if there is not as much pressure on me to “perform” and “be interesting.”

but yeah no one likes a drunk weirdo throwing themselves at you, im in luvvvvvvvvvvvvvv with youuuuuuu pleaseeeeeeeeee marry me.  just SO desperate.

and see i thought she was the perfect solution to woman2005A, who had dumped me shortly before, and i was heartbroken and hated her. but I found this GREAT woman shortly after! i guess that must be what a “rebound” is like………if i managed to date 2005B, which i didnt. so i was on the rebound, and got rejected by the rebound, hahahaha. downward spiral. shit i think the rebound girl would have been GREAT, she was better and qter than 2005A. if i had successfully “rebounded” with 2005B, that WOULD have probably fixed everything hahaha.

http://workplace.stackexchange.com/questions/54138/how-to-tell-a-client-a-reported-bug-is-not-actually-a-bug-but-something-they

i should read this moar

http://workplace.stackexchange.com/questions/23737/how-can-i-manage-an-in-person-job-interview-when-i-have-social-anxiety?rq=1

fookin successful normies hahaha nonnevergfs

http://workplace.stackexchange.com/questions/55541/how-can-i-handle-a-co-worker-who-is-infatuated-with-me-but-denies-it?rq=1

aaannnnndddd heres the woman shitting everything up again. womaning up the workplace with her drama about all these creepy niceguys at work being infatuated with her and making her uncomfortable. women in the workplace is such a giant horrible clusterfook. woman in a male dominated field. FOOK YOU. get out of the male field hahahaha. believe me, they dont like YOU either. could actually get some work done without bitches in the office starting drama hahahahaha.

http://www.informit.com/articles/article.aspx?p=2133369

good thoughts here…..but how about some stories, examples, scripts.

i am JEALOUS of her that she has better skills at ADULTING than I do. can handle all those angry customers, tell them no, this cant be fixed, no, you cant talk to the manager, i am the manager now, i make 17 dollars an hour. explaining shit, or being like, no i dont need to explain this, it doesnt matter. just being able to work an adult job and live a mature adult life. so did she handle ME like a mature adult, because i was legit being that bad?

its never gonna be fun for anyone, answering those calls. youre ALWAYS gonna be nervous and stressed. but you just Face The Fear and Do It Anyway. and i jealous she has that skill. that she succeeded exactly where I failed ABYSMALLY.

well i have yet another chance to Face The Fear when going in for my interview tomorrow. another baby step. the 27th baby step.

but the thing is, heres the thing.wav, is that you have to be PERFECT in these things. whether its getting a JOB, or getting a WOMAN. ONE strike and youre GONE. there is PROBABLY more leeway once you actually GET the job (but not with the woman, with the woman, its always walking on eggshells, minefield, until you make that first, last, only mistake.)

like my job was HARD AS FOOK, but there was some leeway in there. ways to cut corners. I found out how to cut corners, how to evade calls, how to tack on a few minutes here and there, taking long lunches, long breaks, figuring out what i could get away with, how to play the game.

but yeah GETTING into the job is so hard!

well, getting into THAT job was SO easy.

but yeah it IS discouraging to get rejected again and again and again and again and again and again and again and again. and i AM pissed that they couldnt hire me for at least one out of THREE part time jobs at the city. that really irks me. one job i can understand. THREE is just insult to injury. REALLY? I wasnt one of the top THREE?

but yeah its gotten me worried about the OTHER two jobs from last week. I would be ECSTATIC, LIFE CHANGER to get any of those two.

and yeah it sucks that WOMEN can handle “adulting” as the women on reddit call it (really gotta stop reading that shit), but it sucks even more than SHE can handle it. i mean yeah she is pretty much my nemesis hahahaha. it just KILLS me how she can totally succeed where I have failed and throw me away like nothing.

ADD INSULT TO INSULT TO INJURY. that’s like TWO insults on top of injury. BROOTAL. SAVAGE.wav.

ON THE JOB TRAINING IS NOT TRAINING AT ALL

aug 27

sheeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeit.

i mean i study the companies before doing the interviews. i write thank you emails. i dress nice. i shave my face. i act very interested in the job. i ask questions at the end. what the hell am i doing wrong hahahaha. my fatal flaw is that i get a little nervous. and that i have such a long GAP. something must be DEEPLY WRONG with me. he needs SERIOUS HELP. he SHOULDNT BE working. or, he thinks hes gonna work HERE? HA! he needs to PAY HIS DUES first! get a job at walmart or mcdonalds or a shitty restaurant or call center, show that youre WILLING TO WORK first, before you can get an AWESOME job like this!

this is for that phone interview on monday. looks like the company is more reputable than i thought. winning all these best places to work awards, having many skilled and respected engineers, a destination kind of employer, that only wants the best of the best. which i am not. but i was when i was 17-18!

also my problem is that i cant just suck it up and live through a shitty job. it breaks me down into a Dumpster Fire and then I end up Committing Career Suicide and moving DOWN the career ladder ultimately. i dont really pay dues but get actively punished.

then i see all the people with engin degrees working for this palce, making 60k, thinking DAMN, I went to a TOP SKOOL, I went to a better skool than THEY did, why didnt I just get a damn ENGIN degree, then I could be making 60k too, I could have a wife and a FAMILY, and a good job, instead of being a huge neet loser who cant deal with LIFE.

and get angry and discouraged and slow down on muh job search hahaha.

yeah well today i am studying the company so i sound informed on muh 15 minute phone interview monday. see if its enough to overcompensate and get me a physical interview. prob not hahahaha.

then tomorrow i will study the company for tuesday int. much more of a blue collar place. but they are big and they have been around a while. not some fly by night arab company hahahaha. or shitty crab people asian company.

shit i had way more confidence in 2013 when i was working my mickey mouse job and was becoming close friends with That Woman.

see im desperate but i also cant take just any job because if i take a super shitty call center or customer service job, i am very worried about muh emotional health, and would i snap and quit. i dont want to put myself into a position like that so i avoid applying for those kinda jobs. high stress jobs hahahaha.

thinking about partying tonight with a valium nyquil combo. it is saturday nigth after all.

so, have a better feeling about the tuesday interview than the monday interview as a job i could actually GET. but i feel the monday place would be more fun and chill and better workplace than the tuesday place. well of COURSE its HARD to get into a GOOD workplace! the easier the job is to get, the WORSE the job is gonna be, the more it is gonna push you to your Limit.  and not in the good way hahahaha.

aug 28

took the valium nyquil combo around 645 pm, did 4.2 mile powerwalk, went to bed, slept pretty good. the combo i guess chilled me out a little bit and made me sleep good. would still prefer partaking MJ hahahaha.

it shuts your mind down, you cant think negative thoughts because it takes too much effort to think at all hahahaha. in other words it might be difficult to WORK, where you are trying to solve problems and bullshit on your feet all day. explaining and bullshitting and coming up with plans and reasons and explanations and answers and solutions.

sheeeeeeeit. it might be That Womans birthday very very soon. thankfully it doesnt bother me as much as youd think it would. one of my goals was to spend a womans birthday with her and have birthday cuddling with them, or having them spend my birthday with me and have birthday cuddling. or secs. or handholding. or making out. or hanging out.

never happened though hahahahahahaha. 2 years ago i went to dinner with my female friend and it was near her birthday and i was right on the CUSP of starting to feel differently about her. but not quite sure i was there yet. but i was getting very close.

in fact i wasnt even sure what her exact birthday was. it takes a while before someones birthday is a big deal for you.  you gotta know them at least a year.

and the next year of course i would ahve really liked to spend her bday with her but by that time we were DONE.

and now we’ve been DONE for a full YEAR after that.

i heard this song when this album came out in 1998, 18 years ago hahahaha and i was a stupid angsty high schooler listening to the weekly radio metal show. i thought the song was very catchy and epic and it was the first time i enjoyed anything like power metal.

i never listened to the whole album. i will now give it a chance hehehehe.

hmm very sleepy and tired today, the day after the nyquil. i guess thats not suprising.

cheap “skullcandy” earbuds lasted only 2 weeks. what cheap chinese crap. one ear went out then the other ear went out very quickly. one ear is bad enough and time to buy a new pair of cheap chinese throwaway garbage.

537 that is my new goal hahahaha. 537 job applications hahahaha. i get 1 interview for roughly every 21.4 applications hehehehe. and so if i want 25 interviews, then 537.

i am “only” at 386 so far.

i have been slowing down lately, getting a bit discouraged.

maybe i should contact her on her birthday hahahahahahaha. no i am just joking.

 

did SHE ever contact ME on MY birthday? HELL NO! she didnt even KNOW when my birthday was! although i kinda make it hard. you have to ask me and then mark it down on your calendar. which nobody does because they just use facebook to remember birthdays hahahaha.

but yeah at one time she was a real friend and i havent found any new friends to fill that friend gap. and i liked having that kind of person playing that kind of role in my life. i mean shit it was a two way street too, i was playing the same role in her life too.

ok  went to shitstore and bought some shitty 10 dollar sony earbuds that i HOPE will last 1 month.

listen to some of the hammerfall album, see if its any good. need more positive shit hahahaha.

was listening to george feels and he had a very sad pathetic feelsy video and i was like yep i shouldnt listen to this, this is not gonna help me. something basically how he had done nothing with the past 3 years of his life, his biggest accomplishment was not jerking off for 100 days hahahaha. in 3 fookin years. so he felt bad about that and then i felt bad too about not accomplishing anything with my life either hahaha.

well i did accomplish a bit in the past 3 years: moved from old job to new job, became close friends with that woman, pushed myself to the limit with new job, did some super amazing shit that i lose sight of now, and cant convince employers that once i was valuable hahahaha, went on road trip with old friend, fell in luv with female friend, saw 3 classic concerts, discovered trs, and then shit started going bad, rel with woman fell apart, lost job, got dumped, was in a state of deep despair for months, started a gym membership for the first time in life, lost 30 pounds, applied to 386 jobs and went on 18 interviews, got 2 new good suits. so yeah id say i accomplished more than george hahahahaha in the past 3 years. there was some epically BAD shit, as well as some pretty good shit too, but the bad shit has been what i remembered most and what i am lingering in now.

anyway POINT IS, there was plenty of good shit or not bad shit, or at least forward moment or personal improvement.

but all the good shit happened in the first half, and all the bad shit happened in the second half, so the bad shit is all i remember.

well, losing the 30 pounds is a big deal and i am doing that right now.

so is buying the suit, and doing the interviews.

but the interviews also suck because they dont lead to anything.

inherently, the interviews are a good thing and i should view them as such, rather than DISQUALIFYING THE POSITIVE. and saying yeah interviews a normally all right, but THESE interviews arent so good because they dont RESULT in anything.

yes in our results oriented world its difficult saying something that doesnt have any results is a good thing.

but each abortion failure of an interview hahahaha is getting me closer to my goal of 25.

and the interviews arent really abortion failures. i look all right, i sound smart, although a little nervous, i show that ive done my homework on the company, i write thank you notes, i am one of 4 finalists for a 45k job, i mean come on these are all good things.

but the overall general shame of being an unemployable neet bum is SUCH MAGNITUDE hehehehe that it casts a shadow on all the other shit.

anyway, point is, there is a DECENT AMOUNT of good stuff ive done the past 3 years…..its just overshadowed by the bad shit because the bad shit was more recent, and honestly it was ABSOLUTELY DEVASTATING. it was probably greater magnitude than the positive stuff was positive. but there WAS still somewhat DECENT magnitude of positiveness on the positive stuff.

PLUS, we always interpret bad things worse than we interpret good things as good. in other words, really good shit WEARS OFF QUICKLY, while bad shit lingers. so we need like 5 good things to lift us up for every 1 bad thing. defeat feels much worse than victory feels good. FACT.

anyway point is george has his more positive videos and his more negative videos, and i should stay away from the neg ones. and so should he. being that we are very much alike and struggle with the same problems.

and just like him i need to focus on the positive and essentially IGNORE the negative. because its focusing on the negative and IGNORING THE POSITIVE that has gotten us in this horrible mindset. low energy, very low confidence, lazy, neet, in a rut, spinning the wheels, not trying, giving up easily, defeatist, etc.

i listened to a bit of the hammerfall and it made me want to listen to judas priest “painkiller” so i did. i guess they have similar sounding productions and the drum bit at the beginning of the album is a direct tribute to painkiller possibly. but the hammerfall is definitely a bit more “power metal” and the singer doesnt really sound like halford. which is FINE. halford is awesome, but i wanted something a bit more power metally anyway. like ridiculous, somewhat epic songs and songs about warriors and courage and all that. whereas judas priest is arguably not very power metally while at the same time influencing every power metal band….they never fully went that way themselves, because they were sorta reinventing themselves on every album.

probably iron maiden is the more power metally band.

 

NOBODY WANTS TO HIRE A WEIRDO

july 29

yeah its just incredibly frustrating when somebody is on their phone, talking and texting ALL THE TIME, they respond to EVERYBODY ELSE, but they wont respond to YOU. it is insulting and disrespectful as fook. Ya Spend All Day On The Phone Anyhow! to paraphrase the awful everest commercial. and you cant even send a text to End A Relationship hahahaha.

got call yesterday from health system i have sent 40 apps to (literally) and always get rejections from, first callback ever. called them back this morning and gave them email address to try to minimize Phone Tag. this is for a laboratory assistant in a hospital lab. purrfect. fulltime days no weekends, even better. sign me up for 13 dollars an hour. i will pass your nicotene test all day hahahahaha.  well…..maybe not hahahahahahaha.

that would be funny, to get a job offer but lose it because i failed a NICOTENE test because I smoke a COUPLE of Social Cigs per week. of course a lot more when i am working hahahaha. but you are not allowed to do that at this workplace. hospital. well i am sure there are people who hide out and chainsmoke on lunch, then spray down with febreze hahahaha.

sheeeit got interview for 10 dah part time temporary job, next thurs, the one i wanted to get resched, and they agreed to resched rather than saying get fooked…..but at a nice place. i like the place, they do job related training, REALLY i SHOULD do their job related training courses and then use that to get a 15 DAH Full Time Days Job hahahaha. working with Robots and 6000000 dollar machines. CNCs and CADs and FANUCs and lasers and injection molds and grinders and borers and dorners and whatever tf.

again that is probably soem sort of sign from GOD, answering my prayers. so maybe is “hospital lab.” working in a LAB with specimens.

“Protein Shake” with .75 scoop of Whey Protein, .5 cup of Whole Milk, and about 10 grams of Caramel Ice Cream hahahahaha

basically, if george feels can get a full time job, SO CAN I.

basically, if fatherland jim can get a FT job, and a basedwife, and a child, and own his home, SO CAN I.  I mean the guy is not only super autistic, but very neurotic and self-deprecating, by his own admission! women HATE self deprecating, neurotic men! I should know, I am one!

i like and respect both these guys of course. especially jim hahaha. but the more i “get to know” him, the more I am like WOW I cant believe he’s admitting this, and I can’t believe he wasn’t dumped by his wife after the first date hahahaha. this is the kind of guy women RUN AWAY SCREAMING from. I say that as a fellow member of that club.

so in fatherland 39 jim says, IF I CAN DO IT, ANYBODY CAN. and I could not agree more hahahaha.

the guy who bitched for like 4 straight weeks about my “trollnation” to the show. I didn’t mean the donation as a troll, but its just funny that he got SO rustled by it. yeah i can see how somebody might misinterpret it….and boy did he EVER.

COME ON. so the lady calls me back about the blood lab job and i can only interview TODAY because they have a deadline at the end of the day today. I said Monday or sometime next week would be fine. I was a little thrown off guard. I guess I should have just said yes, and then immediately took a shower, shave, get the suit on, get out there, sheeeeeeeeeit.  im wondering why she even called me. on the last day of interviews. wtf. well she said she had a death in the fam so i gave muh sympathies, but then i choked and said yeah no, i just can’t do it today, but if you would keep me in mind for other positions that would be great. the 40 other positions i had applied to hahaha.

lesson learned from being caught off guard: if they ask you for an interview TODAY, just DO IT.

it just seems so weird and unprofessional though.

i mean i wont regret this TOO much, in fact i could probably call her back right now….but sheeeeit.

women just dont understand how anxiety, shyness, despair, low confidence can keep a MAN from EVER having a GF or secs, because it doesn’t work the same way for WOMEN. WOMEN can TOTALLY have anxiety, shyness, despair, low cofidence, and it doesnt prevent them from having secs or rels AT ALL. That’s why they think its so weird when a man has never had a secs and rels. because its DAMN NEAR IMPOSSIBLE for a woman to never have secs or rels, and they are so damn narcissistic they think everybody is like them, and that men and women are the exact same, when in fact they are VERY different.

or they dont “buy the excuse” because “well I have despair and anxiety and I can still have secs and rels!” not understanding how anxiety and low cofidence DIRECTLY WEAKEN EVERYTHING which women find attractive about men. they do not directly weaken what men find attractive about women.

its much easier to not be bitchy, not be a slut, not be fat, than it is to Be Confident, Be Charming, Be a Leader.

Again I dont begrudge this ease, of women being the supply and men being the demand, i guess I just get rustled when women dont UNDERSTAND or APPRECIATE that fact of nature.

but, you could argue, they’re not supposed to. so again my expectations are too high. they’re not SUPPOSED to understand it.

The most effective Life Creator is one who does not know they are a life creator??!!?!?!?!

well yes kind of. cuz they will keep getting pregnant, exactly because they forget they can get pregnant?

interview SAME DAY. really. it sounded like they did most of the interviews yesterday. probably just whirlwind of 8 or so candidates in one day.

and what if someone just couldn’t make it that day? then into the trash they go.

BUT WHAT IF THEY WERE THE BEST CANDIDATE?

oh well then the company doesnt get the best candidate then. life goes on.

so yeah timing matters.

but youd think if they were SERIOUS about finding the best candidate, they would allow more than ONE DAY to interview all the candidates for this job. give them a span of like a week.

NOT come in on this day and time for an interview, and if you can’t, fook you, we can’t reschedule. we are interviewing for this job on one day only, in this 4 hour window.

so yeah, i can’t tell wimmin i have neversecs neverel because i have anxiety, despair, neurotic, and low confidence, they’ll say I DONT BELIEVE IT, I HAVE THOSE SAME THINGS AND I CAN GET SECS AND REL, THERE MUST BE SOMETHING REALLY WRONG WITH YOU, not realizing that these things have VERY different outcomes for men vs women.

solution: just don’t talk about it , or Bullshit/Lie/Deflect until you have banged the gurl, it’s not like it would take more than 3 dates anyway.  and if she complains about you being awkward, then say you’re under a lot of stress from your job and family. and next time take some benzos and hope you perform better, cuz if you don’t, YOUR FIRED. (dumped.) dumped for being awkward at secs. i could see it happening to me! and im sure its happened to other men!

like uhhhh i can just tell by the awkward way this guy FOOKS that hes only ever fooked 1 gurl about 15 years ago, or he’s a VIRGIN, and he’s DEFINITELY not ever had a GF, or Regular Secs. EW. WEIRD. CREEPER.

well what if you had had a longterm gf where you had secs 2 times a week for 2 years hahahahahaha then she dumped you, and you were heartbroken for 2 years, and then the next time you had secs, it was awkward and weird and the bitch thought THAT, that you had never had a GF or secs on the reg? well they would be WRONG.

but not about me hahahahahaha.  bitches and whores.

that feel when you think, hmm if all else fails, i will get a part time job at mathnasium, math tutor, that would be bretty kewl, then you look up the local mathnasium and see that all their employees are young college students at good colleges, majoring in math or engin, or they went to the local STEM high school that you didnt even know about until last year hahahahaha. so they are both 12 years YOUNGER than you, and have had way more MATH than you, you who is so proud of your A in Calculus 2, and that’s as far as you went in math. well good luck making 10 DAH as a part time math tutor because you don’t have the right stuff!

i will soon be the proud owner of a The Right Stuff tshirt however hahahahahahahaha. and that does count for something hahahaha. well unless the shirt sale gets SHUT DOWN before the shirts get mailed, which there is a 50% chance.

if i ever have to dump a person, i am gonna be the best dumper on the face of the earth.

is it JUST ME who doesnt know how to DEAL with conflict in relationships? well its safe to say SHE couldnt deal wiht it EITHER.

maybe most people can’t, so most Breakups are Bad, and we should all use SHRINKS when we want breakups to be Good.

I would be more than happy to do that. I will involve a shrink EVERY TIME if thats what it takes.

id be like hay, you arent dumping me so well, and i dont know what to tell you, lets go to the shrink and they can help you dump me better.

i mean its really not brain surgery, BUT also when you are THAT Flustered, your brain just doesnt work. you can barely do basic things, remember your name, do your job.

shit and when your job is DEMANDING as FOOK, like taking a TEST EVERY DAY, obviously youre going to be FAILING that test every day!

thats what it was like hahaha. you know how you would go out with friends and stay up late if you “ONLY” had to go to skool or go to work tomorrow, but if you had a BIG TEST tomorrow, you would get nervous, and make sure to go to bed early, etc? thats what it was like EVERY DAY of work. the WHOLE JOB was like one big EXAM that you were NEVER fully prepared for. the only time you had to STUDY was when you were at home, free time.

basically all of your schooling should be taking calls in a call center for 12 years hahahahaha. that should be all of school. K-12.  then you will be ready for anything.

or why not just MAKE everybody join the military to toughen them up.

because MOST people RECOGNIZE that everybody is NOT CUT OUT FOR the military. like private pyle. like me and prob you.

bbbbbut in SOME countries they make you! the phaggot sissies in SWEDEN need to do a year of service, don’t they? if sissy SWEDISH men can do military, so can the neetest american omega!!!!!!!

or those slimy sleazy schlomos in ISRAHELL also have mandatory military service. if those shady k1k3s can do military service, so can the sissiest, phaggiest NEET!

or maybe its really easy to get out of service. like just get a doctors note saying you have bad eyesight or are too short hahahahaha.

2 more rejection letters from the health system i have applied to 40 times hahahaha. and they want me to do a DAY OF interview or NOT AT ALL. come on. and they also test for cigarettes smoking. WHY am I trying to get in here again? because they have a good number of FT jobs with low qualifications. that dont involve a call center or sales. that I still get rejected for.

you can get through school being a total awkward autist. but this does not work at ALL in the world of work and wimminz. NOBODY TOLD ME hahahahaha.

managers, like women, will reject you unless you are a total confident, charismatic chad. slip up once and youre DONE.

also school should prepare you for the level of REJECTION you get in the real world. you will be rejected 99 times out of a 100. better get used to it.

but other special snowflakes who went to the same schools as i did, did VERY VERY well for themselves! so it must be ME, not the SCHOOLS! well yeah it IS me to some extent.

so if the economy doesnt grow 4% every year, that’s a bad thing?

if it only grows 1%, thats BAD?

well yes. because……the population grows? so we should be edgy antinatalist zero population growth fooktards?

i only listen to vinyl ripz hahahaha

i remember i got this album in like 1998 and i was a little disappointed. cuz back then i just wanted chugga chugga chugga heavy heavy heavy. i thought the guitars werent HEAVY enough. the vocals werent HEAVY enough. I thought morbid angel was supposed to be the HEAVIEST death metal band ever.  (there was plenty of “brutal death metal” if thats what I was looking for. well, every album was a big investment in 1998 hahaha. so deicide “once upon the cross” was more what I was looking for.)

but nowadays i can totally appreciate the very “organic”, human, natural production on this album. and noting it was produced by the same guy that did metallica “ride the lightning” and “master of puppets.”

in 1999 I heard their next album “domination” and liked that more. i guess youre supposed to hate that album becuase thats when they sold out. but I liked the guitars and vocals better. and thought the songs were catchier.

so i can never crap on “domination”, but I am glad “covenant” has great growing and staying power.

yep going on 3 days with no shower and this is when you def start to smell hahahahahaha. sweaty crotch and pits BO hahahahahahahaha. if you get near a wimmin at this point, she WILL dump you hahahaha.

so why do we NEED 4% growth a year? why not 1%? why not .5%? why not .1%? why cant things just stay the same? they cant GROW forever! I just dont beleive that GROWTH is always GOOD.

i mean im not too worried about a woman interrogating me about muh rel history. i mean, That Woman and I became very close friends, and she had NO IDEA of my rels or lack of them. NO IDEA. I was ready to tell her the full story, but she was ultimately not interested in hearing it hahahaha.

so basically just lie, because they literally CANT HANDLE THE TRUTH.

yeah it IS hard to LIE, because your white moral fibers tell you that lying is wrong, youre not a liar. that is very well and good. but the truth is, sometimes its ok for whites to lie, such as when they are “faking it to make it” with white women. anything in service of the 14 words, its ok for whites to lie. or if it doesnt HURT anybody.

but yeah i understand how it FEELS a little jooey or ingrish. thats FINE. it SHOULD.

also its ok to LIE to get yourself a JOB.

they dont have TIME to do MORE background checking on you AFTER you GET the job. they will either do it BEFORE they offer your the job, or not at all. therefore…..lie to get a job, and if you get the job, you wont be found out later. unless it is a super powerful job or public election or something. NOT a damn entry level 28k job. the better thing to worry about is being fired for no reason, or at will, or “restructuring”, or “business needs”, or because your company is not having 4% growth every year. not because you lied about you supervising people, or you being a great negotiator, or you being good under pressure, or you being a nonweird nonvirgin nonnevergf normie.

so yeah i just want women to APPRECIATE secs and rels more. check their secs and rel PRIVILEGE. but I’m not saying that privilege shouldnt exist.

hey i dont even want them to UNDERSTAND it. I just want them to BE NICER. you know how you can luv and support someone even if you don’t UNDERSTAND them. just do that! give me your luv and support! Give me a CHANCE even though some things about me seem WEIRD at first! you have to give me a CHANCE! and not just BAIL at the first time things are a little different. im honestly not THAT weird! women have just never given me a CHANCE hahaha. men have given me a chance! and they were glad they did!

the employers who gave me a chance were pretty much glad they did hahaha.

but the wimmin never wanted to give me a chance hahaha.

well the female friends that gave me a chance found some value in me.

well thats not to say That Woman never found any Human Value in me.

She just ran away when things got complicated. thats ALL. stop reading all this malicious intent, or thinking she never cared about me. she probably DID! she just bailed when it got HARD. i have done the SAME THING in different situaitons. cant deal with hard shit. shit i cant deal with the struggles right now and avoid avoid avoid hahaha. like i never AVOIDED anything. everybody avoids sometimes.

that is the more rational, less emotional, more truthful way of looking at this. but shit its STILL hard to do that. a year later and its still hard to Correct the cognitive distortion.

so, muh sense of judgment is WRONG, my logic is WRONG. this is why I like MATH, because math FORCES you to use the RIGHT logic. if you’re not using logic, you’ll get it wrong, so if you get it right, you know your logic is right.

i guess your logic can be terribly wrong about some things, but still be right on other things (like hopefully, your job and job-related things.) so you can be a mess Emotionally and Personally, but still do a Good Job.  because the day you’re not able to do a good job…….YOURE FIRED.

did 5 mile pwalk

while doing it and listening to morbid angel hahaha i had a very illustrative thought, i thought, what if she contacts me like 2 or 3 years after it all went down and is like hey how are u lets get caught up again, you should come to this party im having, and then i go, and she is all super mature and cool and has all these new winner friends, and she looks a little older but still good, and she is now moved way up in her career, and is powerful and respected and makes good professional money, like 40k a year, and can afford a nice place in the hip winner neighborhood, and has all these friends that make 40k a year, and she doesn’t spend a lot of time with me, but just goes around mingling, and some of the guys she gets closer to than others, maybe shes fookin em, i tell her welp it was kinda a hard year, im still lookin for a jerb, its tough out there and i havent had much luck, and she said oh well good luck, maybe you can get a job starting out in call center, if you tough it out for a few years you can become a manager like i did….and then i get pissy and am like, im mad at how things ended, you were a big reason why i quit, and then she gets mad and is like oh no, dont blame ME for that, thats all on YOU and not being able to handle me not liking you, when it was clear i didnt, i mean what did you expect? dont blame ME for that! youre the one with problems, you cant handle life, thats why you quit, thats why youre still a failure 2 years later, you gotta get your stuff together man, stop living in the past, move on, get over it! and then she moves on to some other people to mingle with, and i drink my soda and get mad and sad, yeah shes right, i didnt HAVE to quit, its not HER fault, but damn shes WAY more successful than me, i can’t get over it, she makes way more money than i ever will, she’s still 8 years younger than me, and she doesnt CARE that i’m not doing well now, she doesn’t want to HELP me, other than tell me get a job in a call center and tough it out for a few years. well thats what i WAS doing until i snapped!!!! but thats my fault! but shit how can you just invite me to this party after 2 years like nothing ever happened, like we didnt end things in a terrible way?

and so that was this vivid and incredibly unproductive use of muh brain. like a series of congitive distortions turned into a ruminating STORY or daydream only designed to make me feeel bad in every way!

your brain simply SHOULDNT work like that!

so yeah this was a rumination i guess, and then it turned into a story. a ridiculous daydream. all while im trying to relax on my powerwalk!

so, dont do that. just turn off that stream of thoughts.

so yeah i would still want to be with her in that case.

shit. not with any other woman have i never wanted to meet them so much. with the other women i can be like, yeah that sucked, but i got over them, and i don’t really care about having met them or not. it was an interesting story. no need to have never met them.

but with HER, i wish i had really never met her. we had SOME really really good stuff…..but the pain and misery and suffering and failure vastly outweighs it! if i had never met her, I would have still been working at my old job, i never would have left for the new job (that WAS directly inspired by her, we could BOTH agree), and therefore i never would have LEFT that job and I wouldnt be in the pathetic, hopeless situation I am now. I would have not had a yearlong gap on muh res,  I would have had a much better shot at getting any of these jobs im interviewing for now because i would be currently employed. and then i could have gotten the job at the nursing home, or the university, or the city. no gap, no stupid call center job, no heartbreak, no thoughts of her. no thoughts of HER! do you know how MUCH I’ve THOUGHT of HER in the past 2 years? many minutes, every single day!!!!!!!!

they say to meet women, have a full life and do fun meetups for your hobbies. well what if your hobbies are all male, like 1488 huhwhyte nationalism?

plus it’s clear that women entering that would just cause drama.

and then I thought, well, wouldn’t women cause drama in ANY Social Group?

Let’s say your fookin i dunno anime group is 90 10 men women. you think all the THirsty Omegas are not gonna be in competition for those women?

and this certainly happens in nerdy groups like that! animes, comic cons, dr who, etc.

ok so lets say the group is 60 40 men women. there will still be some competition and conflict. men getting assmad when some slut dumps him to bang the more alpha men in the group.

well, not all the people in the group will be SINGLE!

i guess we need to put in the caveat that some social groups would be better than others. for example, NO anime, NO nerdy groups, NO racial groups.

cuz i was thinking, the only social group i’d like to join is a damn racial group. but we’ve already concluded that racial groups are NOT good places for women. women can support in the background and their monog husbands be in the group, but if there are Thirsty Beetas in the group desperate for waifus, then they will fight for the attention of any single woman in the group! who will then fawn over all the attention and play the men off of each other!

so you find a group where you’re the ONLY thirsty beeta? hahahahaha.

there’s thirsty beetas in EVERY/ANY group!

and them competing for the women is gonna cause tension in the group! there will be fighting, stalking, jealousy, and the loser will essentially have to leave the group. THEY CANT EVEN ENJOY THEIR DAMN GROUP ANY MORE cuz That Woman is in the group giving it up to the OTHER men.

so yeah I don’t buy this meeting women in social groups thing. its the same thing like meeting a woman at WORK or in your circle of friends. and then she turns out to be the Work Slut or the Circle of Friends Slut. She Fooks EVERYBODY and is kinda shady and sleazy. don’t get caught up in her drama.

so i wonder if women can handle being in groups at all.

leaning towards no. single women at least. married women could handle it. but their husband should be in the group with them.  and she should not leave him for other guys in the group.

im just learning NOW that WOMEN = DRAMA?

NO, I knew that 20 years ago. I guess I have just been wanting to get along with a woman without all that drama. and i DID. and then it became very, very, very dramatic.

and really I caused the drama here, not her. DAMN.

FOOOOOOOK.

SHEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEIT.

yeah well she COULD have been nicer hahahaha. i could have been more Alpha, and she could have been a LOT nicer. other women have been nicer!

but yeah i hope she doesnt contact me unless she gives me a big apology and also says she wants to get together with me. even though she is very successful and i am a big failure. and she never NAGS me about my job when i finally get a job because it for damn sure wont be as much as SHES making.

sheeeeit. i CAN tell you that its not natural for men and women to compete like this in the Economic Marketplace. and its a REAL WEIRD dynamic when you get rejected by a woman, then you end up comparing yourself with her CAreer-wise and trying to Beat her in career, cuz she beat YOU in the game of Luv, so now you want to Beat hear in the game of career. but you DONT, she beats you even WORSE in the game of career and ends up becoming WAY more successful than you. she’s younger than you and she is a manager / leader / senior / director / supervisor / VP / level 3, and you are older and still a damn entry level level 1.

adds insult to injury and makes you feel like more of a loser.

of course, THEYRE not doing that, YOU’re doing that to yourself. you dont HAVE to compare yourself to their career at all.

i mean, if they ARE forcing it down your throat, thats a different story. but if you havent talked to them in 2 or 3 years, and you are just stalking them on linkedin and looking at their career from afar…..that sucks. DONT DO THAT!!!!!!!!

thats the type of stuff I do. Shit I dont even DO it any more. I don’t look at ANY of these women on linkedin or facebook. but I STILL think about it!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

like i imagine HER being a successful Manager!

even though i haven’t been on facebook in a year, and i haven’t looked at her on linkedin in like 8 months, and back then she didnt have any updates. now i know she got a new job, prob a tough job i couldnt handle, and i am making all these assumptions that she is a manager, she is moving UP.

i guess i am a masochistic glutton for self punishment. if it hurts, I DO it! thinking about her moving UP in career? getting jealous? yep! so just keep thinking about the painful shit! you are a master at adding your OWN insult to injury!!!!!!!! more cognitive distortions! or really, emotional piling on! you are serving up Self Serve Pain to your SELF!!!!! DONT DO THAT!!!!!!!!!

july 30

essentially Cutting Yourself mentally/emotionally. how gay is that. you dont want to be A Cutter!!!!

I was WILLLLING to handle the situation in a mature way! I just needed her cooperation! HER willingness! and thats ON HER!

so yeah i have my issues but its not truthful to say that my issues ruin every rel i ever have!

GIVE ME A CHANCE! be WILLING to communicate with me!

maybe i should go on okcupid and look for women who are looking for “just friends” hahahaha because i am certainly not Emotionally Available, and women that advertise they are looking for just casual secs, while I might want that, are not the type of women i want to meet, and generally good people to stay away from.

also as a general rule, when someones heart is breaking, dont blame them for getting feelings, just accept this is how hearts work, be appreciative that somebody opened their heart to you, and take pains to treat their heart gently….even if you didnt ask for this.

hey its not like i dont know how 2 relationship….ive just never been given the CHANCE! never given a FAIR SHAKE!

never had anyone who was WILLING!

yes this issue of WILLING is a big deal. you can lead the horse to water but you cant make them WILLING to drink.

the WILL comes from WITHIN.

heh applied for 2 jobs on a saturday.

tweaked cover letter a TINY bit to more effective Cup The Balls of the Company’s Mission Statement.

i guess basically go on okcupid and look for attractive women who seem CHILL and who seem liek they smoke MJ and are under 30. who cares if they have kids or tattoos, i am just using them for casual secs hahaha. and i will TELL them that. most women are ok with being used for casual secs, woman use MEN for casual secs just as much.

yes it is degenerate! but i cant get pregnant ever, and maybe banging some sluts will help me forget about HER, and it will also increase my confidence and experience with women, which will make me better at pulling QUALITY women that actually CAN replace her and make me forget about her!!!

jeez. can you IMAGINE how many HOURS and DAYS i WASTED THINKING about HER the past YEAR, even though she was OUT OF MY LIFE, she continue to take up SO much of my thoughts? still does! how can you THINK about someone so much when you havent seen or talked to them in a YEAR? its RIDICULOUS!

yet you THINK about them an HOUR a day at LEAST? 365 hours! thats like 9 full Work Weeks! that is THOUSANDS of dollars!

if you had to put a PRICE on the PAIN of a broken heart, it would DEFINITELY be in the TENS OF THOUSANDS OF DOLLARS. 10 to 99 thousand dolars.

162 dollars for round trip flight to denver hahaha. can get motel for 70 dollars a night hahaha a little pricey. i ideally wanted a motel with a sauna so i could smoke tons of MJ, then sit in the sauna. well, actually i would probably walk around the forests and mountains. smoke MJ all day. then go to sauna at night. smoke tons of MJ every waking moment. probably take a few puffs in the middle of the night too. like when you wake up for a few minutes at 4:20 am, take a puff, go back to sleep hahahahahahahahahahaha.

that woman. i cant believe she has a medical MJ card and can buy MJ whenever she wants. she doesnt even have a qualifying condition and doesnt even CARE! MOST people get it for chronic pain, and jsut smoke MJ where they might have become pill poppers like white trash. but she doesnt have chronic pain!

maybe she does, she just never told me. hahaha.

SEE? a YEAR later, and still THINKING about her!!!DAMN!!!!!

also a year later, and still thinking about that JOB. HOW did I do that stuff? why didnt I snap earlier? I could never do that again!

when have I felt the most confident? When I accomplished or did well on something that MATTERED to me. like get a new job (although actually working the job would be very nerve wracking at the beginning, nullifying any gains in confidence) or especially when the things were going well with some woman. for like the 2 days in my life where things were going well with a woman hahahaha. no really its more like 14 days, thats not bad. 14 days of confidence in 30+ years hahahahahaha. no i bet i have had 30 days of confidence in 30 years, between the few women, and the few accomplishments!

but yeah making out with a gurl and shes not PUSHING you, that is a good confidence builder. when its a gurl you WANT to be making out with, instead of like, damn this gurl ugly but I am desperate, wow how shameful, imma get buttmad now. but rather WOW this gurl is awesome and THIS is awesome and I am awesome etc…… now that doesnt happen very often hahahahahahaha

you get neurotic and obsessive. you dont think about ANYTHING ELSE with the obsession and interest and tenacity you think about WOMEN with.

looked up data entry on ziprecruiter and found some jobs i have not seen on indeed. oh great. so i set up an email alert for data entry on ziprecruiter hehehe

why do women have such a disregard and disrespect for human life? you’d think they’d hae some kind of inherent bond, with babies and shit, because babies grow inside them. but no. they have NO problem killing their babies, less problem than MEN do as a matter of fact. they have LESS respect for life than MEN do. ABSOLUTELY REPREHENSIBLE.

such WEIRD feelings. what do you DO when you feel “incompetent.” thats a weird thing to feel, but I feel it.

so fix it by doing something competently!

no its not just that, it’s doing 51% or more of all things competently!

i dont WRITE very competently, this writing is a total mess. I dont job search or interview competently. i am not competent with wimmin. or employers. or personal hygiene. i AM competent with walking however. i am sort of competent with sticking to my calorie goal. i am competent with driving. thats a pretty big deal. i can drive places and not get in accidents ever. that should get me SOMETHING hahahaha.

i mean i wouldnt want to drive for a JOB. I would be totally incompetent driving a TRUCK.

NOBODY EVER TOLD ME that the majority of your working life would be spent feverishly trying to convince angry people that you weren’t an idiot, you weren’t incompetent. Well, you were KINDA incompetent, but you weren’t an IDIOT, you just weren’t QUICK witted. You aren’t QUICK WITTED, but you are smart, you swear! You got an A in Calculus 2 and got a 4.0 in high school and a 3.9 in Community College and a 3.7 in University! you were in the top 10% in high school! you peaked in high school! you should have seen me when I was 17! you wouldnt thought I was an idiot THEN! good thing that was literally half a lifetime ago.

 

HAVING SOMEONE CHECK YOUR WORK IS HAND HOLDING

apr 6

how do you assure someone that something is correct/right when you’re not sure that it is?

like something looks like it could be right, but you’re just not sure?

like doing a huge math problem and you’re not sure if you’re correct, or close, or not even close, because you have no idea what’s even reasonable?

or your excel vlookup function skipped a data point for some reason, and you don’t know why, but that skipped piece of data make a YUGE difference for your bullshit “recommendations” and “advice.” but just looking at the results, you can’t tell if anything is WRONG or not. you just assume your Tool, the vlookup, is working as intended. and it is. it just has tricky little pitfalls where its hard to tell if its pitfalling.

well you said you were an expert at excel and knew all about vlookup! this falls on your shoulders!

http://www.bayt.com/en/specialties/q/3488/what-are-the-limitations-and-dangers-of-using-vlookup-in-excel/

my concern is that it will only return the FIRST match. it might be important to find those other matches. I cant even think of an example.

and you have people with a lot more experience making a lot more money than me asking these questions on forums.

again probably the best thing is to take someone who CAN help you from your workplace out for dinner and drinks, pay for the dinner and drinks, and Pick Their Brain. of course they probably want to get home to their family after an exhausting 16 hour day. not getting paid overtime becuase they exempt hahaha. salary. making 30 grand a year for 80 hours a week.  which breaks down to like 10 dollars an hour hahaha.  good job.

http://exceluser.com/formulas/excels-vlookup-vs-index-match-functions.htm#The Limitations of VLOOKUP and HLOOKUP

also vlookup can’t return values to the left of the…column its looking up??

only to the right. not sure why. its a limitation of the software. its working as intended. take it up with microsoft.

or just use an INDEX/MATCH hehehehe. yep just use it.

THAT WOMAN wouldnt be able to figure any of this out! she cant even spell YOU’RE correctly!!!!!!!!!!!!

http://chandoo.org/wp/2010/11/01/vlookup-excel-formula/

http://www.exceluser.com/formulas/excels-vlookup-vs-index-match-functions.htm

ok its official. index match is better than vlookup. tell your interviewer that.

http://www.mbaexcel.com/excel/why-index-match-is-better-than-vlookup/

phaggots who have good jobs are still using vlookups like amateur 19 year olds in a call center hahaha

like babes in the woods who never had a meeting with someone who actually knows what they are doing, so as to make sure everyone is using Best Practices.

is that HAND HOLDING. ???

lets see. i was officially rejected for a Press Operator job, not enough experience hahaha.

“”” After careful consideration of all candidates, unfortunately on this occasion we will not be taking your application further. The general standard of applications has been extremely high and we have shortlisted candidates whose skill sets are more closely matched to the role requirements. “””

example of the language used by the Recruiting Team

i am not sure the IT Recruiter got my email about me not being a Good Fit for the Call Center. cuz i got a new mass email sent to about 7 people, get to see their names and emails and all, real professional ya damn moron hahaha. way to not share my email with potential scammers hahaha. guess she didnt get a meeting teaching her that this was not best practice. she has NO IDEA.

that feel when you HAVE NO IDEA that you are doing something wrong. hahahaha.  total unknown unknowns.

but asking for clarification would be considered hand holding.

well you cant have them check the whole damn thing. you have to ask them small direct questions. meaning that you have to have some sort of intuition that showing the emails is not best practice. and then ask about it. but if you didnt have that intuition……..????

well heres the thing. uhh forgot it. mind is rekt hahaha. cant make good decisions. just flip a coin. oh yeah. its EASY to get a call center job. I just had ANOTHER recruiter email me TODAY about ANOTHER call center job. its RIDICULOUS. I could basically get a call center job EASILY AND make decent money doing it. but i am so fooking against it.

ok the point is, i don’t NEED a damn RECRUITER, I can just go to the companys website LATER and apply directly with the company if I CHANGE my mind.  i can always come back to this damn company and get a job directly through THEM. and THESE are the jobs RECRUITERS are RECRUITING people for? you dont NEED a RECRUITER to get you these jobs. i am wondering why the company is paying this recruiter? dont they have their own recruitment team? talent acquisition hahaha.

but maybe they get so many “unqualified” applicants they need to Outsource their Talent Acquisition?  i dont know. just guessing.

but the qualifications for a job like this are very low. just have some basic computer knowledge. period. you really dont need to be smart. but you DO need to be kinda TOUGH.

i would maybe do something where you take inbound phones PART of the day, like a few hours at most, but more than 4 hours on inbound phones is ROUGH.

how can you answer questions and make recommendations and explain shit when YOU dont know whats going on???!?!?!?!

i just felt ON EDGE ALL THE TIME, you never forget that feeling. didnt have that at my previous job hahaha. of course that was a much less serious job.

heh. i wish i never met her. i wish i had never taken that stupid call center job with her. never even saw that stupid world. yeah i made some money, but…….over the long term, i didnt make that much more money than I would have at my prev job, considered all the time I have been Not Working hahahaha. I am Disabled, I am Unable To Work, hahahahaha.

some guys lose their frame and their man-hand and their relationship suffers. their GF becomes a bigger bitch, just bitchy and not nice. then the guys gradually start being more masculine, standing up the bitch more, putting the bitch in her place hahaha, and gradually her behavior gets better again. she starts being nice and pleasant again. maybe stops porking up so much. is happier and nicer. you hear stories like that sometimes.

what i hear is that the GF/wife did not DUMP THE GUY IMMEDIATELY. she essentially GAVE HIM A CHANCE. gave him time. she didnt LEAVE him immediately. she was bitchy and fat and mean, but she stuck around. that’s worth something.

she didnt leave you and never talk to you again. totally abandon and block you. she was being a fat bitch, but she didn’t abandon you. maybe she didnt even CHEAT on you! so i have to give the fat bitches a little CREDIT for not abandoning, and not cheating hahahaha. they gave you a chance to step your game up. I did not get that chance at all.

because in these cases, your gf/wife is still talking to you, still hanging out with you, still maybe even begrudgingly having S with you. you have MORE THAN ENOUGH OPPORTUNITY to TALK to her. you still SPEND TIME together one on one. i did not have that LUXURY whatsoEVER.

wanna go to fatclub soon, i have made a mental note that a very qt gurl is there at 130 pm on wednesday sometimes. unfort she reminds me of That Person because they both have long legs and arms……but maybe that is just my type. i really dont like stumpy, and i really do like long legs, which usually corrolate with long arms.

how do you minimze risks if you dont know what the risks are?

driving a car or having S, the risks are obvious. screaming obvious.

but the risks of using vlookup on this particular set of data……….not nearly as obvious. i dont know why i am so fixated on this example.

or the risks of doing a complicated procedure where you’re not sure if what you’re getting is RIGHT or WRONG.

when you cant differentiate between right and wrong, how do you know what the RISKS are?

this is why i like having someone who can check my work, a SECOND SET OF EYES on the work. how is that HAND HOLDING?

FOOKKKK!!!

but if black women are smart enough to do this job, then i should be, right?

i mean they get shit on by the asshole callers, cuz they hear from their voice, oh its a black woman, therefore they are an idiot and are gonna really fook this up. which i agree is horrible. i am a proud white supremacist who wants an all-white country and for women Not To Work, but I don’t think you should make a hard job even harder for a black woman. its a hard job for all of us.

http://songmeanings.com/songs/view/3530822107858652921/

SO…..supposedly peter steele accepted being a Catholic after his mother died and he was having a shitty life, drinking too much, too much coke, going to jail. then he got out and life was getting better, got off drugs, found Religion, and did the last TON album Dead Again which I was never familiar with, but supposedly here is where he has Pro-Catholic lyrics. then a few years later he died. That really sucks, I always come back to TON and relate with Pete’s Pain. It is very similar to my own. except he was very musically talented and physically alpha/macho/masculine, so he could always pull bitches. i guess he wasnt particularly happy with all those goth sluts though. he probably would have preferred a normal nice gurl and not some goth skank.

anyway i will now study the lyrics to his catholic anti-abortion song, which some of TON’s edgy atheist fans furrowed their brow that their god peter was becoming a theist. i say GOOD FOR HIM!!!!

well the song seems to condemn abortion and it almost seems to condemn ISRAHELL!!! whoa did not expect that. Actually the lyrics seem confusing and just not super good.

i guarantee he was bipolar!!!! also i think he was in a psych ward around this time as well.

either way its good that he got off drugs and alcohol, and its good that he accepted JC hahaha, and seemed more healthy and at peace. and THEN he died. would have been REAL interesting to see what he would ahve done after. maybe quit the degenerate life, find a decent woman and not a damn groupie or stripper, have some damn children. i bet that would have had an effect on his songwriting. although other musicians don’t really get better when they have children hahaha.  for example i dont really bother listening to varg vikernes music anymore. but his political views and his beautiful family are all very great things!!!!

yeah i unfortunately never saw TON live. i do regret that since I knew of them for many years and was a fan for like 12 years before pete died! i became a fan just as october rust came out in 1997ish. brand new album and I was a young teen and I thought it was super awesome. great nostalgia and memories there. i assume the album will still sound great. putting it on music player right now.

1996. really. maybe i got it in 1997. or 1996.

apr 7

aplied for job as “Dorn Operator.” I have no earthly idea what a DORN is, but posting implies it is similar to a CNC machine hahaha.  received rejection letter within 1 hour, a new record! probably because I was honest about not having 1 year of CNC experience. DAMN there goes muh 12 DAHJ!

This is a learning position and requires a willingness to learn through self-study in addition to extensive training and work in conjunction with Underwriters.

for an underwriting assistant job hahaha. meaning study outside of work. hmm i thought all jobs were like that. i might kinda like that this one was honest enough to say it.

i work 25% slower than the average employee, therefore i have to stay 25% longer unpaid to get the work done. but what if its a salary job and everybody works 50 hours a week? then I have to work 60 hours a week to do the same amount. cuz i hate being rushed. they rush you to do eerything faster and faster, but then quality sufferes, and then they btich about that.

but OBVIOUSLY Speed is more important than quality. or safety.

so find ways to cut corners and cover your ass regarding quality hahaha. so stupid.

i really want to listen to the type o negative album “dead again” but every time I’ve listened to it, it’s kidna disappointing. I have been in this exact mood before, i always forget. same motivation: peter getting his life together, he dindu nuffin, it’s probably better than the previous album “life is killing me” which is universally regarded as the worst TON album. Note: I stopped paying attention to them when “world coming down” came out. i was all on board with october rust but had jumped the ship by world coming down, not sure why. because i was interested in more “heavy” stuff. but i guess WCD was pretty heavy i hear.

i then worried that I might convince myself to take the call center job, and then it turns out SHE works there hahahaha. this is the shit iworry about. I would probably approach her and say you hurt me a lot, I wish you hadnt done that, I wish you would apologize to me, do you have any remorse for what you did, and she would prob say you’re the weirdo, stay away from me, im not talking to you. no remorse.

the point is: i will ALWAYS be in the losing position here, always being punched down on. because i had feelings, she didnt, i was heartbroken, she wasnt, so me seeing her at work every day would be EXTREMELy PAINFUL (for me hahaha) but NOT for her. if i worked with her, she wouldnt care, but I would go crazy again. I literally NEVER want to see her ever again, especially not at work. i would let her apologize to me and change her mind. but to enter a workplace where i saw her every day, nope. I would probably quit again.

she wouldn’t care, it wouldn’t bother her, but it would bother the SHIT out of me. because I luv her and she has nothing for me. she is DONE with me.

don’t you CARE when you are hurting someones feelings hahaha?

i mean when you are friends for 2.5 (2.7) years, not when you are men doing the bantz and calling each other phaggot moron virgins at work.

it bothers me that she could work with me and ignore me entirely and go on with her life, whereas if i worked with her i would go fooking crazy.

i mean if my female friend fell in luv with me i would FEEL BAD and TRY NOT TO HURT THEIR FEELINGS. and if i knew we had to WORK TOGETHER, I knew the best way to do that would be to have long converstaions and try to smooth the shitty situation over.

but i have incomplete information. maybe she would go absolutely crazy and quit over the course of 2 weeks, a month. I just went crazy IMMEDIATELY.  quicker than her. which makes sense.

i would be bothered at least a little bit if I had to work with someone whose heart i BROKE. I would feel bad about breaking someones heart. I never broke a gurls heart before, I never had a gurl like me one sided. I never dumped a gurl hahahaha.

when a loved one dumps you, you feel GUTTED. totally GUTTED.

especially when they dump you in a harsh mean cold way and you work together hahaha.

takes a while for that GUTTED feeling to wear off.

http://www.amazon.com/The-Cowards-Guide-Conflict-Empowering-ebook/dp/B0022VV0YA/ref=pd_sim_351_2?ie=UTF8&dpID=51XZeX9K-TL&dpSrc=sims&preST=_OU01_AC_UL320_SR248%2C320_&refRID=0TC91Q6KBPA5WER0C3YG

the cowards guide to conflict, i should have given her a copy of this book hahahaha

was thinking of getting on for myself, how to have difficult conversations. nope i cant help you and nope i cant explain it and nope i can’t transfer you to a level 2. you can call back and get another level 1, hopefully someone better than me!

how do you know if something is right if you don’t know what right looks like?

you dont! you CANT!!!!

anyway i was the one wiht the PROBLEM. she didnt have a PROBLEM other than me, I was her problem, and when I was gone she was happy. but she also was very willing to ignore me.

again I don’t know if she would have Cracked if I had been tough enough to play Chicken for a while. I think she still cared about me enough that she WOULD have cracked.

but i wish she hadnt been so offended and disgusted by me getting feelings. come on. im not THAT bad!!!!!

or how about you send me a 1 paragraph message explaining why when you unfriend me. are you mad at me? hate me? feel I betrayed you? do hate me? dont hate me? there actually are a lot of unknowns behind somebody unfriending you. you want to know the feelings behind them unfriending you. namely, do they hate you or not, could you ever just talk about the damn rel, can this be fixed or not.

cuz it really sucks when one person hates the other one but the other one doesnt hate them, they are begging please dont hate me, dont do this to me. i shouldnt have to beg hahahaha.  though im not to PROUD to beg. but she shouldnt avoid so much that i HAVE to beg.

dont make me beg. i wouldnt have made you beg. i would had RESPONDED to you. I would have hung out wiht you and LET you TALK to me.

looks like meats back on the menu boys

tonight we will taste manflesh!!!

turns out both of these lines come from lord of the rings.  couldnt remember. decent lines.

of course i refuse to watch the hobbit. but LOTR was okay movies. wouldnt mind watching them with a nice qt gf hahahaha like my female friend. cant you see? this is LUV!!!

treat my HEART with a little more kindness and respect! dont crush and destroy and throw my HEART away! be CAREFUL with it!!!!

and you kinda expect your friend of 2.7 years to be CAREFUL with your HEART.

but NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO.

138 calories over my calorie budget. GOT to go to gym today and burn those off.

pizza and pasta. will do it every time.

have lost 1 pound in the last month. i really hope this is due to gianing muscle, and water weight….and not a result of vastly undercounting muh calories!!!!!

i guess peter steele still drank a little after leaving rehab. he supposedly cut back on the coke and booze but sometimes fell off the wagon. he said he first used coke at age 35, kinda a late bloomer hahaha. he died at age 48. rehab was at around age 45 or so.

also i guess his weight was up and down. sometimes he gained a lot of weight and supposedly liked KFC.

well he never lost his beautiful hair hahaha.

not sure if he was a cigarette smoker. wouldnt be surprised.

i guess i am butthurt by people that go to rehab but then afterwards they drink “IN MODERATION.”

also he was always dating strippers and cheating women. come on. just find a nice catholic virgin hahaha.

i hate to idolize a musician because theyre ALL degenerates. peter steele included. but he did some good and i think had the potential to be a nondegenerate. he admitted he was bipolar. and ocd. and add. hahaha. i think coke is not a good thing for peopel like this, really makes them go crazy. probably even more than booze.

ok think i got 6 applications done today, maybe 7. thats not bad hahaha.

heh. i hate how she DIDNT EVEN TRY not to break my heart. she could have made a good faith effort, done SOMETHING, ANYTHING.

she honestly didnt seem like the type of person who WOULDNT MAKE ANY EFFORT AT ALL, FOR ME. I thought for SURE she cared about me enough to make a LITTLE effort. to spare my feelings that is.

and maybe she did! she was just too cowardly.