JUST BECAUSE YOU HAVE TO COMPROMISE DOESNT MEAN YOU HAVE TO LIKE IT

jan 3 2017

first day back to little boy virgin job hahahaha. well, its INFINITELY better than not working. INFINITELY. LITERALLY.

also stopped by bakery before job and bought some donuts and pastries and eclairs and danishes and cookies and such. the bakery is well regarded and the sweets were indeed good and they open at 6:30 am. i will try to do this about…..once a month. spent 6 dollars. going every week would be tryhard. hard to do donuts at my last job because there were like 50 people in the office. it was best if you brought in 2 dozen donuts. kind of a big deal.  here, much smaller office. bringing in 6 donuts is more than enough. so its a cheap value added way to Buy Goodwill hahahahahahaha.

went to bed yesterday at 8 pm, i think that was just about right. might even do 730pm today. my body LITERALLY needs 9 hours of sleep a night. thats just how much the world takes out of me hahahaha. on the easiest day. actually it doesnt matter if i have an easy day or a hard day, i still need 9 hours regardless.  i could do a fooking triathalon or sit and neckbeard all day. doesnt matter. 9 hours. of sleep.  kinda weird. already Yawning at 420 pm hehehehe.

was talking to “client/customer” today and he asked me a very direct question about muh education, he was not being rude or even prying, this guy just likes to ask direct questions about things I don’t like to give direct answers to. like he was fishing for opinions about TRVMP and I wanted to appear impartial so I said my standard nonpartisan answer about interesting times, and polarized bla bla, he said he was pretty much pro-trump, i was with my colleague who is unfortunately anti-trump but I try to disregard that because she (naturally, a woman) is also very accomplished and smart and i respect her brain and actually quite like her. it would of course be better if she were pro trump. she doesn’t know im pro trump and i dont really want to let ANYBODY know hahahaha. keep my cover.

well i can just say i am a Political Moderate and Honestly Guys I Am A Centrist and don’t go in for real Leftist Stuff, however I don’t think we’ve had a good Republican Candidate since……..i dunno reagan. I would be a total Reagan Democrat guys.

when this is total BS, I am a Far Right Hwyte Nationalist and cant wait for TRVMP to build a 1488 foot high wall and deport all illegals immediately. its january 3rd, why are there still illegals and blacks? hahahaha. I want to travel to far-right meetups in my free time and do Roman Salutes hahaha.

of COURSHE you dont talk about THOSE things, and of course you soften it and say i’m a moderate, im a centrist, and be thankful i’m in a place where Centrists won’t get frowned upon as being Too Far Right!!!!!!

ANYWAY the direct guy hit me with that question, well regarding the Super High Prestige University I went to, and my one coworker was right there, and they probably didnt know about this, and im like, great, if i say i went to this prestigious middle class uni, then i look like i’m a HUGE LOSER because im making 13k a year here instead of being a fooking grad degree executive manager making 100k a year like everyone else in muh uni class hahahahaha. i am 9 times less successful than the people i went to school with.

but the guy i was talking to was very sympathetic, he wasn’t trying to be mean, and in fact, so will most people. most people arent looking for ways to attack me, they just like asking direct questions, which is something i DONT like doing to people, but i need to get better at it. anyway i spilled the spaghetti and stammered like a retarded subhuman hahaha.

but anyway i brought donuts and yeah people here like to stay in shape and aren’t huge fatasses believe it or not. these people with their masters degrees, they tend to be in better shape hahahaha. they watch what they eat, and go to the gym, and maintain a Normal Healthy Weight even into their 40s hahahaha. youhave to be really SMART to do this apparently. no you really DONT.

so i ate 2 of the ridiculous donuts. i mean there is some rich custard shit in there.

but overall i felt more confidence as the day went on, it was not severely damaged by that moment, and i dont think it SHOULD be.

but yeah its why i would not be a good salesman. because i dont make an electrifying first impression. it takes me a few weeks hahahaha. and many people dont have that LUXURY of TIME and MONEY to give you a few WEEKS to prove you arent an idiot.

but here they arent judging me like that! they werent even really judging me like that at the old place either.

QUOTE

Just talk to him. Unfortunately this is how my relationship ended. I became clingy, not because it’s my nature, but because a previous relationship crafted me to be. I became an insecure idiot and the whole situation brought on anxiety that I didn’t want.
Perhaps he has anxiety? Who knows.
One thing I wouldn’t recommend is texting him saying “Hey, I think we need space” or “We need a break”. I mean you can, but be prepared for a barrage of text messages. If he truly has relationship anxiety, then everything is out of good intentions, but it will overwhelm you and just cause the whole situation to spiral the hell out of control.
My advice. If he’s harmless and has no anger issues. Just TALK to him. Tell him it’s bugging you. Tell him you like your space, that it’s not personal and that you’re not breaking up with him, just that a human being needs time to themselves, that’s all. Sit down and have a talk. See if he really has anxiety because it sounds like he does. Assess that situation and then go from there. See if it’s something that you want to deal with.
People with anxiety don’t text you all the time because they’re clingy, it’s because you don’t reply (granted it can only be like 30 min) and they feel like they said something wrong. The constant need to be around you isn’t a lack of trust or anything either, it’s his need of wanting to know you’re still there. It’s a weird thing and most people hate it, but you need to talk to him, in person, about EVERYTHING before it gets worse for the both of you.
If he continues to act the same way after that, then ask for a break since he’s not willing to change.

END

good point reddit

well you can also be anxious that somebody will leave you for any moment without warning and do a 180 and leave you in the lurch hahahaha.

how about you just dump him by ghosting. that would solve your problem real quick.  show that creepy abuser evil person how evil, creepy, and abusive he is, maybe he can K himself, he really SHOULD!!!!! for being such a horrible person!

hehehe i pretty much had this situation. looks like i was a bona fide creep then hahaha. i still had to finish 1 year of college though. and she had to finish 1 more year of high school. and she had been with like 10 guys and had many bf’s, and i had been ith 0 gurls and had 0 gf’s.

she was secsually WAY more mature than i was, and relationship wise. she had slutted it up with many guys, and also had several monog LTRs. certainly experienced more of Life than I had.

i was pretty immature, i was only marginally more “mature” than she was.

and i never tried to manipulate or control or groom or control or isolate or abuse or bully her, and she lost interest in me and dumped me hahhahahaha.  no i didnt isolate and control her and then end up cheating on her hahahaha. she would have had to have hung out with me a lot more and use have much moar secs and be officially dating for me even to have a chance at manipulating her, hahahahahaha. not that i would.

hmmm 2300 calories today, almost 1000 over. unbelievable. not doing too good this year hahahaha. well, better to be working than to be losing weight i guess, so if gaining weight is the price i pay for Working, then i guess its worth it hahaha. not like i am banging any beotches anyway.

hey dont scold me, they’re the ones who bang on the first date. i think its fooking disgusting. but its what they want. what they like. i dont like it. i would prefer not to do it. but youhave to COMPROMISE in order to have relships, casual or not.

JUST BECAUSE YOU HAVE TO COMPROMISE DOESNT MEAN YOU HAVE TO LIKE IT.

of COURSE ill do it. i havent had secs in 12 years, so if a gurl offers it, i’ll do it, because it might be ANOTHER 12 years before i get another chance. but it doesnt mean i cant resent her for giving it up too fast and not being an ideal pure waifu who waits 3 months before secs! treats the life creation process with the respect it deserves, and treat human life and the process that creates it with the utmost DIGNITY!!!!!

kinda stupid that btc keeps rising. and rising. shit im GLAD i got all out before this hahahaha. i dont TRUST somethign this unstable hahahaha.

jan 4

yep all ready to go here just killing time, reading email. went to bed early, but woke up at like 1:30 am and was awake for liek 80 minutes with stuffy nose, congestion, some worrying, tossing and turning, Thirsty (wanting water to drink.)

trying not to worry about constantly proving myself and impressing people. but in life you DO need to impress peopel. you dont get second chances. sure not with women! yeah well they gave me one chance with the interview for this job and that was good enough for them.

well you know my degree might have been worthless but it was actually related to my “passion” of helping neets with despair, anxiety, and relships. well ok thats like 4 careers there. gotta pick one. was thinking i would prob lean towards relships at this point. become a relship counselor.

trying to come up with believable excuses why i didnt get a masters degree like everyone else hahahaha. because i felt it was too expensive, not worth the ROI, and also i didn’t network too well in uni.

cuz if i say i was immature, and i was, well didnt I GET more mature in the next 10 years? NOT REALLY!!!! well why not?? because i couldnt get and keep a bigboy job hahahaha.

jan 4

1132 bitcoin? ARE YOU FOOKING KIDDING ME? i remember when it was 900 not 2 weeks ago.

so my main issue by far is having conversations with people without flipping out. not panicking, but always being slightly anxious about everything i say sounding stupid or wrong, even if its just small talk about families or something. even though i know these are nice people who want to be nice to me. so i disappoint them by not coming out of muh “shell.” and i want to come out of the shell but just having a hard time. so i try to show good will by smiling and forcing myself to talk even though it sounds AWKWARD and STUPID. I know there are worse things in life than feeling awkward. i have felt awkward nonstop for like the past 20 years hahahaha. its not a huge deal, its not near as bad as despair, which is not nearly as bad as dread/panic/fear/worry/anxiety.

DAB? in swearing in ceremony with paul ryan? wtf is dabbing? i thought it was VAPING MJ. Thats the only dabbing if ever heard of. wax or shatters or hash oil or really concentrated thc juice that you get blazed off one puff of the vaporizer. shit i dunno. i dont do that shit either. here i thought the kid was smoking drugs while his father was getting sworn into congress.

no turns out its just some negro dance move.

had 15 mL half dose of nyquil at around 3pm. will have some dayquil right before bed so i dont wake up in the damn middle of the night.

welp only managed to do 180 calories over today ehehehehe.

was in the office today and this younger rather attractive woman from related department was in. I noticed her immediately when i first saw her shortly after i first started. learned she was married and had at least one young child. well good for her. but she is def younger than me and def still very attractive hehehehehe. i wanted to learn more about her job and resume hahaha. today i learn she has an MBA hahahaha. prob not the kind of MBA you get from a top 10 business school, but the kind you get from phoenix hehehehehehe. still you can get a good middle class career job with that though.

basically life for everyone is HARD. on HARD MODE. you have to be TOUGH. i was pretty much SPOILED and had life put on EASY MODE for me. and i STILL fooked it up. and so now facing the real hard world, it seems even HARDER for me than it does for normies! I’m going into hard mode having grown up on easy mode!

but yeah i havent been in a position lately where i have to try to Justify, Argue, Defend, and Explain why i did not get a Graduate Degree. Because I’m Lazy. Because I’m Crazy! and you can’t say this kind of shit to coworkers or customers because that makes you look incompetent, stupid, etc. so, you just say….i didnt want to. cuz i didnt really WANT to. i’m allowed to say i didnt WANT to! cuz i didnt really want to. i just felt pressure and expectations like i was SUPPOSED to. similar to how i am feeling now. but those pressures aren’t necessarily all real, just me thinking what other people think!

i mean i cant just say its not worth it without showing myself as character flawed. if there daughter who is 9 years younger than me can get a masters degree right after undergrad and then quickly move from 70k job to 70k job with a masters degree, so can anyone, including me. i just wasnt willing to work hard enough!

GREAT GAME here, this guy is out with his GF and points to another girl and says t the gf, “see that gurl? GOALS.”  implying that gf needs to lose weight hahahaha.

SEE THAT GURL? GOALS.

omg that is the most alpha thing ever said. that gf is bending over and getting fooked hard tonight!

me with anybody and we see a successful middle class normie with a masters degree and they say to me, see that normie? GOALS. as if I never had goals.

well i really didnt tho hahahaha. i never wanted to WORK.

yeah well im going to WORK now hahahaha. i dont plan on missing a day ever. i get there early every day and leave late every day. i answer email after muh shift. i sometimes do work after muh shift from home. i have a pot of coffee almost all made by my official start time. i bought a tub of coffee. i bought some fancy pastries from a fancy bakery. i wear dress shoes and try to dress like a business casual normie. I try to write good emails hahahaha.

Furthermore, I am worried that someone who is so comfortable around guys to sleep with them on the first date cannot be trusted while we try to move our relationship forward.

YASSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS THANK YOU. this is what all the women who defend this shit sluttiness always fail to notice. if its SO EASY for her to do such a BIG thing with a total stranger, what other big things will be so easy for her to do? things that may hurt you or break your heart?

WHY IS SEX NOT A BIG DEAL FOR WOMEN??????

Apart from the fact that they can get preggers…..i mean….all the naked genitals! doesnt this SEEM like an intimate activity? did it ever OCCUR to them to feel HESITANT about this? yeah, when they were a virgin at age 14 or whatever.

GOALS.

hey im not even interested in meeting new women. (well, kinda i am hahaha. ) but im not serious about actually DOING it. im just trying to survive ONE DAY AT A TIME. also im not even worthy of being in a rel because IM NOT AN ADULT. IM TERRIBLE AT ADULTING. I AM A CHILD WHO CANT EVEN HANDLE WORKING 40 HOURS A WEEK hahahaha. THIS IS THE BARE MINIMUM OF NORMIE MATURE ADULTHOOD.

 

Advertisements

COMMON COURTESY IS A REASONABLE EXPECTATION

sept 14

i dont WANT an EXPLANATION of WHY, I already know WHY, that’s nothing. I jsut wanted to be treated nicer, like a human being, like i mattered, like our Rel mattered, like it was an important rel between two human beings. sheeeeeit i already know WHY. the WHY is not important. I just wanted more kindness and gentleness and less ice coldness hahahaha. treat me and our Past Rel with DIGNITY.

i dont are about why. i already KNOW why. case closed. i just wanted to know what she was thinking regarding hurting me. did you really WANT to HURT me? and WHY was THAT?

other thing: besides being humiliated on a personal level, i felt humiliated on a woring level: i failed at this job, while she succeeded at the same job. She could handle it, I couldn’t. She’s moving up, I’m moving down. I cant handle REAL LIFE as good as her. She is a winner, i am a loser, and losers like me dont deserve to associate with winners like her. and maybe thats why she rejected me so brutally on a personal level. because i was just inferior scum in every conceivable way. i was like the slimiest, most scheming little sleazy greasy joo to her.

and i think abotu how women Botch Relationships and Emotioanlly Overreact (I screwed up TOO but she screwed up WAY more), and I think, how the hell can women do JOBS and make 13 dollars an hour??? you need to make GOOD decisions! you need to have a record of excellence! you need to communicate clearly and decisively! women cant do this shit! they are like a 50 foot baby with a flamethrower! how can they be mature enough to handle a 13 an hour job, LET ALONE a 20 dollar an hour job??!?!?!?!!?!?!?!?

she never made flashcards! she never looked at old cases! she never studied when she went home! she never did homework! yet i failed and she succeeded! I wanted to know how shit worked, she just said idk lol! and got a man to help her! and she is the winner and i am the loser at life! FOOK THAT SHIT!!!! FOOK THIS GAY EARTH.mov

maybe i should embrace hating women like i embracing being a racist.

so i thought, well i dont even HATE other races, i just dont think races can coexist all that well. but women of my own race annoy the shit out of me just as much or even more than people of other races!

and this is not good, i thought. it jsut doesnt feel like something natural or sustainable the way being a racist feels pretty natural. i dont really WANT To hate women in other words.

also, for a man like me who wants so much to be a father and have children…..i dont think its a good idea for a Good Father to HATE WOMEN!!!!!!!

Good Fathers don’t hate women, they get along with women and teach their children how to get along with women!

so yeah in order to level up to pull good women, i need to learn how to deal with low level trash women on okcupid hahahaha.

i guess muh goals in life were never specific enough. find a nice gf. that became find a nice gf and make her muh waifu. as i got older. then that became have children with the waifu. and also get a 13 dollar an hour job with benefits and weekends off that doesnt drive me crazy. that is all.

maybe GOD is not calling me to be a father though. or even to be married. some people are called to be SINGLE 4 LYFE. Its just very weird though. cuz some of my biggest goals were to be married, have children. now GOD is telling me that i’m WRONG??!?!?! these arent horrible ungodly things! GOD LUVS marriage and family and so do I!!!!!!

but maybe  this is not what GOD has meant for me and my life. which is frustrating, because, like i just said, god LUVS marriage and family!

so i thought that well, maybe i’m supposed to be single and childless and I can still support marriage and family by…..doing marriage and family related work. it just seems frustrating though. that all these people can get married, have families and children, some of them are totally shitty too. and i’m meant to SUPPORT families, but i’m not allowed to have a family myself? it sounds CRUEL and SADISTIC!!!! like TORTURE!!!!! God doesnt just TEST us, he TORTURES us!!!!!!!! why the hell CANT I have a family?

well, besides I am totally not ready for it. but i really should be at this age. I mean realistically i have too many ISSUES to be a husband and father. unfortunately. but its the truth.

also, i want to know if i did something terrible, SO I DONT DO IT AGAIN IN THE FUTURE!!!!!!!

i dont want to fook things up this bad again!!!!!!

but again thats an unknown. most likely i didnt do anything horribly wrong, like lie or cheat where i really AM the bad guy at fault. sometimes that shit DOES happen. sometimes it IS your fault.  sometimes you ARE the bad guy.

it would have almost been better if she said YOUR THE BAD GUY, THIS IS ALL YOUR FAULT.

heh. maybe.

i hate making mistakes, but i might hate NOT KNOWING if i made a mistake or not even MORE!

i mean if i ever get feelings for a friend again, i WILL handle it differently, namely, tell them assertively and quickly.

oh yeah. when women think “ALL GUYS LOOK AT PORN.”

WRONG! so yeah that is triggering. they havent met me yet! I dont look at porn because it is jooish filth that ruins women and men! poisons the mind and soul!!!! i actively do NOT watch porno and can’t imagine wanting to watch it EVER AGAIN!!!!!! its DISGUSTING!!!!!!!!

applied for 5th job today. army related job. administering asvab tests hahahaha. 15 an hour. found out it was casual/intermittent, meaning no benefits. sheeeeeeeeeeeeeeit. thats the whole reason to get a fedgov job!

well i did not see that until i was 80% done with the grueling 16 minute application hahahaha.

NOTE: the first time you apply for a USAJOBS job, it will take MUCH longer to build your superresume, get all your shit together etc.

all guys do not look at porn, just the manly men you date hahahahaha

omega male sex negative neets think porn is disgusting degeneracy hahahahaha but we are invisible to women so…..

Women SHOULD be CAUTIOUS, they can get PREGNANT!!!!!

BE MORE CAUTIOUS! SHOW MORE CAUTION! DISCRETION!

how can someone with the maturity level of a CHILD make an ABOVE AVERAGE INCOME???? make WAY MORE THAN ME?

also it sucks when they are much more mature with other people, and super immature with you.

then you wonder, what did I do, so I don’t do it again!

but what you did was not super duper offensive, but just basic bitch communication mistakes.

besides, if you are doing something SUPER wrong, like lying or cheating…….you usually KNOW it, and you think, welp, I can GET AWAY with this, they’ll never find out. nothing like that here.

TEN dollar an hour job where posting calls for EIGHTY wpm typing. i have 60.

EIGHTY words a minute for TEN dollars an hour. 

wtf?

113 people applied, so i should apply too hehehehe.

i have a great SUPPORT SYSTEM, so why the hell am i so insecure and unstable and struggling and on the edge?

i have to remember, i dont hate all women. this woman i see at my weekly game, she is very nice and good and i like her and she doesnt annoy me. when i first met her, she kind of annoyed me a little but now i totally appreciate and like her. too bad i am not in luv with her hahahaha. i really didnt have any of that interest in her. not a slut either. darn near asexual which was starting to become weird…..but in the past few years she met a good decent man and they are getting married. pretty much a perfect situation there. he is pretty masculine and not a niceguy wimp pvssy like me, but i get the idea that he has morals and was not a degen womanizer at any point.

separate website for FBI jobs, they are not posted on USAJOBS………i dont think.

ok applied for gs05, 32k level job with air force. it specialist hahahahaha. now this is more like it. there are some fedgov bennies hahahaha. however no specific openings at my local air force base. might never be an opening hhehehe.

ok 6 jobs for today hehehe good enough.

well 7 would be better but i am getting back on the horse. i mean SHEEEEEEEIT, i might have to get to 600 jobs. at 600 i will start sucking dicks for recruiters until i become blacklisted by every recruiter in town. there are a lot of recruiters in town! sometimes it seems there are more recruiters than nonrecruiters hahahaha.

anyway im saying it would take MANY YEARS for me to burn through every recruiter in town.

but yeah it bothers me that a person can be more successful than me yet be a lot more immature than me…..and i am pretty immature.

also, i was the one putting myself out there. she wasnt really putting herself out there at all. she COULD HAVE. in the sense that it would have took some agency and initiative to Respond to the Request, and say Listen, I’m Not Interested, Let’s End this in a good way.

but no she just shut down entirely.

i did not shut down entirely regarding HER.

i did kinda shut down regarding my job and my life.

but its impossible to communicate or deal with a person who SHUTS DOWN.

basically, she shut down, I didnt. I was begging her not to shut down.

yeah, i shouldnt have BEGGED…….but jeez. if someone is begging you, just humor them. i dunno. ive never had anyone BEG me before. I imagine i would write them an email hahahahha.

SHE SHUT DOWN, I DIDNT.

you cant do anything with someone who shuts down. cant communicate, cant make the best of a bad situation. shutting down is abotu the worst communication there is. i did bad communication but not this bad. i didnt shut down.

how can SHE make more money than me and be more successful at life than me???!?!?!?!?!

and in relships too. she had a 4 year relship that could have resulted in marriage. i have never had a long term monog committed rel with a woman, ever.  that in itself is a damn red flag to women, and i have to damn lie about it essentially, or just avoid talking about it.

but i also feel like i havent been given a fair CHANCE. give me a CHANCE and dont GIVE UP and WALK OUT on me. im not THAT bad!!!!!!!! i honestly believe that! im not perfect but im not THAT bad!!!!!!!

i dont SHUT DOWN. I’ll write you a longass email before I shut down. Or leave you a 5 minute voice mail of me rambling. i will tell you whats on my mind in great detail!!!!!!!!! look at this blog!!!!!!

http://www.theabsolute.net/misogyny/onwomen.html

dont look for a redpilled woman, you wont find a decent one. just find a nice decent wholesome woman who has not taken too many dix and you can make her redpilled.

i have known this for a while, i am very comfortable being the red pill person hahahaha. just want a wholesome, moral, decent, nice, woman, thats all.

fook politics, fook redpills, fook race, fook music, fook taste, fook coolness. dont sweat the small stuff hehehe.

she will prove her race loyalty simply by not being interested in fooking nonwhites. and OF COURSE she WILL say something like “but Im not racist, i swear!” im not so autistic any more that I want a woman to say “yes Im proud to be a racist!” for a woman, thats just WEIRD!!!!!!!!!!! for a man, its pretty cool tho.

its very similar to when i was young, i thought it would be so cool to find a waifu who liked METAL. now im smart enough to know that would be a fooking clusterfook. it would be similar to find a full on 1488 waifu. they would prob be bipolar, borderline, and fooking ingras in 6 months.

note: i don’t think That Woman was Over the line crazy like that. she was acceptable levels of normie female crazy. she just greatly disappointed me is all. she is still way less evil than average. a good person who did something very disappointing to me. shit i would take her back in an instant hahahahaha.

i mean women are just not good at making real world judgments and doing things in the real world. yet they make shitloads more money at jobs in the real world. when they have no real SKILL in the real world! i mean when it comes to SERIOUS shit in the real world,  you’d be a fool to trust a woman! they jsut dont have it! and i dont say that to be mean! its just the way it is! its just not a good match for them! their skill set is elsewhere! namely, raising children. and heres the thing, that can of course be extremely compromised as well. in the current year. so many times it appears that many women are good for absolutely NOTHING.

i mean many women in the real world are literally good for absolutely nothing. its sad and horrifying and it didnt have to be that way.

and that woman, she was not one of those worthless women. like i say, i hurts a lot more to be rejected by the good, decent women. those are the ones that take longest to get over. because something of great value was lost. as opposed to something of no value. or negative value hahahaha.

i guess i should meditate on this real life woman i know who is not a piece of garbage, but actually a decent, good, wholesome, moral person. nope she is not redpilled, nope she is not politically minded, yes she likes the worst music and tv shows and movies ever.  but she has good morals, has lived according to those morals, and would make a good wife and mother. perfect. i am not attracted to her but i wish I were. well actually not, because she is getting married and good for them i say. its about time. really she’s getting married a little late at like age 29 or 30, but better late than never in her case.

so whenever i think of That Woman, i should replace her with thoughts of This Woman. Yes.

and i dont think even if you cut muh balls off it would even help. my secsual libido is not the problem. its loving people who are gone, unavailable, and never luved me.

ok want to get in at least 2 applications before my afternoon powerwalk hahaha.

ok got in 3 but they were so low energy. local shitty hospital using ultipro ATS. it kinda incentivizes low energy applications. 3 to 5 minutes each. can only have one resume/packet on there at a time. ideally this is ideal, and employers wouldnt care if you only took 3 minutes on an app vs 30 minutes. but of course they do. and if you spend only 3 minutes, you will get screened out.

yeah tv is really triggering. i usually have it on as background noise……..but i really SHOULDNT. this is not a value added strategy hahahaha.

got 3 apps in real quick. the jobs.com site said full time but 2 were ACTUALLY part time. i dont think this is intentional. i think it is just basic incompetence from whoever manages the jobs.com postings. basic bitch not knowing how to do your job so you just Fudge It and pretend like you know what youre doing…..even though you have no idea of best practices. this is very common. this is the norm hahahaha. norm 4 normies. normies gonna norm hahahahaha.

ok time for powerwalk.

ok did 4.18 mile pwalk. listened to azzmador talking with grandpa lampshades.

ok this isnt the exact one but i should listen to this one.

they are both total laid back southern gentlemen, i have difficulty telling them apart hahahaa except azzmador has a slightly deeper voice. but i love this laid back, polite, friendly, southern hospitality.

very j00 wise alt right type guys who each do their own podcasts but not on trs. but i am sure they approve of trs. they are not renegade tier or anything hahahahaha.

heh. if i am going to have children i cant afford, i might as well do that with some woman i am madly in luv with and would never want to leave hahahaha. of course she could veyr well want to leave me!

because honestly i cant EVER imagine being ABLE to afford children!

heh. i could probably smoke MJ all day, then take the next 2 days off, and then my system would be clear to pass a drugs test. thats pretty good right?

ok how about 3 days.

really the best think i can do is powerwalking hahaha. i wish i was as good about lifting. but powerwalking is my strength, muh skill set, and i want to be the best powerwalker i can be hahaha.

the other thing i naturally do is writing this trash……………… and tbh the powerwalking is a lot BETTER FOR ME.

the writing CAN be good SOMETIMES but it can EASILY go both ways.

the walking cannot. the walking is ALWAYS good. cant go wrong. win win.

these women are NIHILISTIC and SOCIOPATHIC. the horrible lives they lead. the empty, shallow relationships. the things they value. MORAL INVERSION. NIHILISTIC and SOCIOPATHIC. treating people like OBJECTS.

i have been antsy since not having an interview is a while. and i am at 18.5 and i need to get to at LEAST 25. meaning 19, 20, 21, 22, 23, and 24 are all gonna be worthless. other than getting me one closer to magic 25.

but 25 isnt magic! like i say, on the whole, i feel i do PRETTY GOOD on interviews! i mean i dont SLAM DUNK it, but i still feel i do well enough to get an offer before 25!

bridget jones baby? a 50 year old slut with tons of grotesque plastic surgery creating a miserable innocent life out of her 50 year old adolescent sluttery? absolutely disgusting! if i didnt have the tv on i would never have seen that bullshit movie commercial!

women cannot give good advice basically. if you ever need HELP with figuring something out, god forbid you go to a woman. they might mean well, but my god they cannot give good advice. they MIGHT mean well though. that does count for something. but dear god dont take their awful advice. what makes /r/relships so shitty is all the WOMEN chiming in with their shitty advice. i need a MEN ONLY forum. but not necessarily a MGTOW or got forbid GAME forum. but 99% of Men Only forums are going to be MGTOW, MRA, or Game.

well, not TRS though. but TRS doesn’t have a relationship section. but they should hahahahaha.

MAYBE I SHOULD START IT hahahahaha.

I think it would go over better than me starting a Neet Section.

but I DO like having a Neet Blog which is very Alt Right!

like women will tell you that college and career is more important than a rel, and encourage people to break up just because theyre YOUNG and those early relships NEVER work out, you have a chance for a great FUTURE by getting into a Top 50 school, so just break up with so and so even though u luv them. bullshit advice like that.

women are so BLUE PILL on things like college. they were encouraging another woman who had left a 45k a year job so she could go back to COLLEGE and become a TEACHER. holy SHIT.  thats exactly the kind of bad advice women give. because you’ll be so glad you got your teaching degree and now make 20k a year with part time sub jobs and no health care. babysitting feral black chirren.

https://bu.reddit.com/r/relationships/comments/52xouc/recently_my_girlfriend_20_f_and_i_19_m_of_25/

not a lot of commentary right now. but i want more people to say yeah she is really an ice cold bitch, not “it doesnt matter, youre not entitled to anything.” no, of course he’s not, but IT WOULD BE NICE if she could DIGNIFY A 3 YEAR RELSHIP by not meeting these sleazy new friends, staying up till 6 am, going on tinder right in front of him. show some COURTESY for the HEART you are breaking and the Long Term Relationship you are Single Handedly Ending, I would tell her.

dont tell him “its over, get over it.”

yes of COURSE he should go no contact but give him some moral support at least. damn. judge her behavior as shitty and sleazy!!!!!!! judge her as the bad guy here!!!!!! because she is!!!!!!!!!!!

now i dont talk too much shit about That Woman. Sometimes sure. but not overall. most of this is just me grieving and moaning and whining. but i can’t say what a shitty person she was…….because she wasnt. she was honestly a good decent wholesome person who just dropped the ball here and disappointed me greatly. but it wasnt because she was a shitty, horrible person. she just fight or flight and shut down. she could be a great wife and mother to a different man.

ok i turned off the tv and am listening to beethovens 1st symphony. not sure why. just wanted some classical music symphony fast. something that wasnt too jooish. and that is a symphony.

she doesnt NEED to consider your feelings. again, technically correct, but to tell the guy that…..that is weak womanly advice. no, she doesnt need to, but she SHOULD, after 2-3 YEARS, show him some god damn COMMON COURTESY.

COMMON COURTESY IS A REASONABLE EXPECTATION.

https://bu.reddit.com/r/relationships/comments/52wdvu/i_31m_am_having_an_extremely_hard_time_moving_on/

she wants to be just friends, he thinks he needs to go no contact and cant do just friends because she broke up with him and he still wants her. he sees her at bar, is drunk, gets emotional, now he’s the bad guy. come on. meanwhile she’s tweeting about fooking strangers off tinder. god damn. so he’s supposed to be cool with the love of his life dumping him and fooking randos. and hes the bad guy for getting upset once. come on.

COMMON COURTESY from the woman is a reasonable expectation. not tweeting about EVIL DEGENERATE NIHILISTIC SOCIOPATHIC casual secs and being a filthy, degenerate whore. he has every right to be upset. yes he should go no contact.

so yeah. whatever happened to common courtesy. human decency. early termination fee. treat the person youre dumping with respect and kindness because THIS HURTS THEM.

casual secs IS unqualifiably degenerate, and she wants to throw away something good and wholesome, to do degenerate filth. of course he has a right to be upset.

at the very least she shouldn’t be pushing him to be friends, to understand that he is hurt, and needs no contact.

what did SHE do when Chad dumped her? probably some really shameful things trying to get chad back! and then fooked a bunch of casuals when chad laughed in her face!

now she’s pissed at the guy SHE dumped because he’s having a hard time with it? what a fookin coont!!!!!

and when this bitch on reddit says yeah you did act like an asshole, he responded with yeah i know i feel so bad about it, i know i should apologize to her etc etc. i downvoted the bitch hahaha.

common courtesy. human decency. part of the social contract of having a relship is NOT BEING A PIECE OF SHIT WHEN YOU END THE REL.

HAVING THE RIGHT TO SINGLE HANDEDLY END THE REL SHOULD COME WITH THE RESPONSIBILITY OF NOT BEING A PIECE OF SHIT WHEN YOU END IT. 

so many women didnt get that memo. too immature.

and i dont care if i am making a should statement. THIS SHOULD BE A SHOULD STATEMENT!!!!!

STAND FOR SOMETHING OR YOU WILL FALL FOR ANYTHING.

STAND UP FOR WHATS RIGHT, GOOD, JUST, TRUE, AND BEAUTIFUL.

DONT BE A PIECE OF SHIT.

DONT BE A NIHILISTIC SOCIOPATH.

DONT BE A JOO.

now that is the type of lecturing i can support!

i would be a great lecturer. sermonizer.

oh but they broke up 4 months ago so everybody should be KEWL, thats plenty of time to get comfortable with the love of your life dumping you, without willing to work on it, and fook randoms, and youre the bad guy to get upset at that and not want to be her platonic friend and hear about her degen secs life. god damn fooking degenerates. i am this close to private messaging the guy and telling him he is totally in the right and not to listen to that bitch that said “he definitely fooked up”. fook that bitch!

RELATIONSHIP BILL OF RIGHTS AND RESPONSIBILITIES.

you HAVE to include the Ending Terms in their too.

THE ENDING IS PART OF THE RELATIONSHIP.

so yeah it IS her concern, it IS her business. if she can end it on her whim, then she has to put forth good faith, good will, and effort to do the WORK necessary to end it at her whim. and that involves human decency, common courtesy, and not being a piece of shit. wow. i guess if you ask for that, then you are the bad guy.

you’re the bad guy if you think casual secs is degenerate and bad and a terrible way to finish off a beautiful LTR.

cuz its all the same, theres no good or bad or right or wrong.

and this is 30 year old people with professional careers, level 2 and above making 60k a year, saying all this disgusting shit.

FOOK THIS GAY EARTH!

and she has NO IDEA why the guy is upset! unbelievable! a 29 year old woman with the maturity of a 12 year old and she makes more money than i ever will!!!! unbelieveable!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!11

TREAT PEOPLE THE WAY YOU WANT TO BE TREATED!!!

DUMP PEOPLE THE WAY YOU WANT TO BE DUMPED!!!!!

how can all these WOMEN not even BEGIN to understand that????!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!

no not all women. but a good 50% of them hahahahaha.

half of them are in this basket of deplorables hahahahahaha

its amazing you have to shout these Things I Learned In Kindergarten to Grown Fooking Women.

well remember its not all women. only HALF of women, hahaha.

oh but the ending isnt part of the relationship, these sneaky little j’s claim. i dont have ANY responsibilities the second i say “im done” and walk out.

that is an extremely JOOISH view of humanity and human relations. all these sneaky little loopholes, just like a joo trying to joo you out of service. sorry goy thats not in the contract. here’s the thing, there is no real contract. no exchanges, no refunds, no service, thanks for the money, chump!

theyve turned our women into sneaky little joos!!!!!!

i dont want to talk to women, i dont want to read womens stupid thoughts. the only time i will listen to a woman is if she is being NICE and PLEASANT. women CAN be good at that when they want to be. having just utterly harmless, charming, nice small talk, just being damn NICE. its really not that hard. doesnt take a lot of effort, energy, or creativity. just be nice. dont be an annoying, unscrupulous joo.

sept 2016: i keep hearing hearsay that millennial woes got a ladyfriend and that it is makign him more confident and masculine. I HOPE SO!!! GOOD FOR YOU LAD!!!!!!

I luv MW but havent listened to him lately cuz i dont luv the hangouts. anyway i would be VERY happy if he got a nondegen waifu, he DESERVES a good waifu, and indeed it would help him become an even better man…..as waifus can potentially do. shit it would help ME!

sept 16

yeah so i dont care that mw had a gay past, except that it makes him kinda neurotic and despairing and has consequences for his current mental/emo health, but he can certainly mitigate those consequences, and i believe he has done that. now i just hope his gf isnt a degen bitch who dumps him and breaks his heart because that could really set him back. i know. hahahahaha. remember he also fell in luv with a WOMAN before and when she rejected him, that broke his heart for YEARS and that hurt him a LOT. ive been there hahahaha.

i mean yeah this is what i am obsessed with. muh white whale. muh wheelhouse. relships between men and women. period. that is what i should do my career in. period.

so funny. for most normies this is just an accepted part of life. you get a gf and bang and sometimes it works out and sometimes it doesnt, but you just keep going until at age 25 you find someone you could probably marry and then you marry them, have children, and maybe they divorce you in 5-10 years.

but theres no need to study and obsess and analyze because you know you have the tools to be in a serious LTR because you’ve been in them before or you’re in one now!

since i have never been, i just don’t know that i have the Tools. and that is part of my obsession, studying How Women Are, and How Men Are, and the nuts and bolts of communication, problem solving etc.

when REALLY, i probably ALREADY HAVE the Tools i need, i just havent found the right woman. who is willing to let me use those tools hahaha.  because they were never WILLING. they were not OPEN, they just wanted to WALK AWAY. because they Just Werent That Into Me. but it they WERE, then I would have the Tools and the Communication Skills to make it last at least a year!

but yeah these normie women are like ROBOTS. date a guy, fook him, fall in “luv”, get some abortions, fall out of luv, dump him, and IMMEDIATELY start the whole process again with a new guy. it sounds both EXHAUSTING and DISGUSTING. how can you do that? how can people be so interchangeable to you? how can this “closeness” be so casual and meaningless????!!?!?! its NIHILISTIC AND SOCIOPATHIC!!!! and exhausting and disgusting hahaha and grotesque and horrifying, very blackpill.

but maybe IM the fooked up one because i take this shit too SERIOUSLY!!!!! and when i get heartbroken it takes TWO YEARS to get over them! whereas with NORMIES it takes 2 months before they are fooking other degens!

hehehehe i luv muh waifus literally TWELVE TIMES more than normie degen women luv their men!!!!!

but yeah it makes me think that normie degens incl half of women just dont Luv People the same way I do. or at least at much less of an intensity. And when the difference in Degree is Twelvefold, it may as well be a difference in Kind!!!! a different kind of luv!!!!!!!!

and how do you have a real sustainable LTR when you luv them TWELVE TIMES more than they luv you??!?!?!

that gives them absolute power over you and spells IMMINENT DOOM for the rel. period. they WILL leave you and you WILL be devastated for the next 2 years. what a terrible way to LIVE hahahaha.

basically i need to find another WEIRDO whos luv meter is turned way up to 12 in order to have a lasting thing where i dont get dumped because a huge interest mismatch!!!!

heh all this is not productive writing at all. it is pretty much a nonstop circle of Negative Thoughts. and i need to Rip Out negative thoughts and replace them with positive thoughts, by any means necessary.

even at the expense of Truth!

like how i should replace all thoughts of That Woman with This Other Woman I know who is very very nice and wholesome and is getting married soon. just cut and paste. i should also cut and paste with some sort of positive replacement to the negative thoughts that FILL this blog.

powerwalking is good.

well, not ALL of this post is bad!

WHEN I AM MAKING SERMONIZING STATEMENTS LIKE THIS, those are usually pretty good. even the righteous anger ones. there is nothing inherently negative about righteous anger!

despair, however, yes. that is INHERENTLY BAD.

righteous anger good. despair bad.

so, when i am going into despair or other negative realm, then switch it with something positive: thinking of this wholesome woman, statements of righteous anger, powerwalking, or something productive like Job Searching. cranking out the Apps. getting closer to 500-600. how about 550 hahahahahaha.

job apps themselves cause both righteous anger (good) and despair (bad.) i guess the solution there is, once again, maximize the good and minimize the bad.

turn the brain from a negative thought machine, to a negative thought killing machine!!!!!

so here is a remaster of ulvers classic nattens madrigal. i dont usually like remasters and i dont have anything against the intentionally raw production of the original, which is really not that bad………BUT my concern is literally for hearing and ear health. you could literally damage your hearing with this album, even though it is actually very clear in terms of being able to comprehend and ingest the music. and is quite listenable!

but that high end is just so maxed out that it hurts the ear. i feel this 2014 remaster might be a bit more forgiving while jsut as listenable.

its also got demo versions of some of the tracks which is great. the demos sound great EXCEPT they dont have any vocals, and garm was truly a gifted BM singer.

it just sucks thinking that all of your life goals:  getting a good waifu, having children, and having a job to support that family that doesnt drive you to self-destructive madness, that all these goals are out of your reach. the best you can hope for is a 12 dollar an hour deadend job and then you get your outside-of-work satisfaction by smoking MJ, powerwalking, listening to podcasts and music, and dnating to 1488 causes. which are not bad things, well probably the MJ is, but you just cant stop thinking about the nice waifu and the family you want to have, but youre just too old and fooked up to be able to attain that.

ok stop those are despairing thoughts, lets replace them with righteous anger or job seraching or powerwalking or other positive thoughts or actions.

well i just came back from a 4.2 miles powewalk. listened to natt’s alcoholocaust ep 1 which wasnt as good as i expected. its just a mess and i cant even understand the bantz. i mean these are all good guys but still.

garm was 20 years old when they did nattens madrigal damn. now did he actually write the guitar riffs and such? i mean that is pretty important to me hahahaha. or was it that guy haavard who went on to do nothing special afterwards? i am sure garm knows how to handle a guitar, its really not hard, the important thing is having some sense of songwriting skill, which i never really had, and which i am sure he does.

ok i am gonna apply to this health system job, and while doing so, update my cover letter, which will add about 15 minutes or 10 to the apply time, but i have to measure this WORK somehow. because it is important, measureable, billable, measureable, timeable work that I am totally entitled to COUNT.

un fooking believeable. a super huge application, already at 45 minutes, longest ever, doing a phaggy ass personality test and intelligence test, when the internet goes out in the middle of the test. i am actually happy to do intelligence tests to prove that i am intelligent, and if it gives me like a 1 in 10 chance of getting an interview (as opposed to the usual 1 in 25 chance)….but god damn this is frustrating.

had to reboot compt to get internet connected again. i blame windows 10. 77 minutes total. a new record!

ok. assuming 15% of the job application time could be added to calculated how much time it takes to FIND the jobs (ie, going through lists, reading postings, and decided yes i should apply, vs, no way, dont even waste your time), in other words, about 2 minutes for every 13 minute application, ie 15 minutes total; and 1.5 hours spent on each interview (prob a little low tbh; we are including travel time, interview time, and im not sure about prep/study time), for 18.5 interviews, and 418 applications, we are up to  132 hours total for the entire job search. really a little LOW tbh fam. on $1716 worth of time at $13 an hor, although more realistically my price should be more like 12 an hour.

sorry i meant 419 jobs so far. please dont fire me.

so i was listening to the am grey podcast on feminism, and adams waifu said she was disturbed seeing a man and a woman holding hands where the womans hand was on top, and they used that as a powerful symbol that men are passive and not leading anymore.

i thought DAMN, the women I’ve been associated with would just DUMP ME before even GETTING to that point!!!!!

they wouldnt stick around long enough to LET that happen! they would have ALREADY dumped me for being a wimpy passive spineless doormat!

so why are these women not just walking out on these men? wouldn’t they get disgusted the first time they put their hand on top, and say, im done with you, you weak wimp?

that was what i was asking. i have been dumped for MUCH LESS. why are these women staying with these phaggots in the first place?

i cant even remember how i held hands with women, its been like 11 years since i held hands with a woman hahahaha.

saw a profile picture on soundcloud of somebody who photoshopped dat boi into the famous vietnam photo of the running people being napalmed and the little naked girl. dat boi had replaced the naked girl.

ok finally found it

2016-09-16_20h39_22

YOURE WELCOME hahahahaha

updated Standard Cover Letter with Sentence explaining Employment Gap. ok there. not much more I can do about that. But I think its a small, maybe larger than small, improvement on something that was already damn good and should be more than enough to get me a 13 an hour job.

ok i swear i wont go lower than 12 an hour hahahaha.  so i guess i am at 12-13 now depending on my mood hahahaha.

good thing SHE is making like 16 an hour!

but i dont know that!

but there’s a 75% chance she is!

ok so what does it MATTER then?

because like i said 100000000000000000 times, i dont like her BEATING me at the game of life!

why not?

because i hate her proving she is BETTER than me.  because it adds INSULT TO INJURY.

why?

because she injured me, now she is insulting me.

why?

see now we are getting into the circular part.

yeah i know THEORETICALLY it doesnt matter.

but IN THE REAL WORLD, it ABSOLUTELY DOES MATTER how much money people make, and how women view men who make less money than they do. they view them as totally worthless and inferior.

i dont view people in those terms. but im not a woman. im not PROGRAMMED to care about status in that way!

i mean as a male i do care about ranking and hierarchy………but not in that same visceral sexual or loving way. i know what peoples status is In The Real World, but I know it has no real bearing on their worth as a person.

but it has VERY REAL BEARING on their worth in the MATING MARKET!!!!!!!!1

and the mating market is VERY important to me because one of my MAIN LIFE GOALS is to find  a good wife and have CHILDREN!!!!!!!!

so thats WHY all this shit MATTERS so much!!!!!!!

i am apparently an abuser because i notice slutty behavior and call sluts sluts. thats what abusers do. nonabusers dont have the word slut in their vocabulary hahahaha.

GIVING A BULLSH1T NONANSWER IS NOT A RESOLUTION

aug 15

sheeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeit.

hey i appreciate everyone that follows and reads this blog hahahaha. even if you are all just scammers trying to turn your self improvement blog into your JOB. hey i guess im doing the same thing, in a veyr low energy, low effort way.

had interview today for 20 hour a week, 11 dollar job. i will take the job if they offer. they seemed nice. wore blue suit. tried to seem normie. apparently help is available if you get stuck.

intvited to interview for 42k ft job next monday. county IT department. horry sheet. i hate these because i am not worth 42k. i am worth more like 28k or 30k. why can’t they interview me for those jobs. WHY DONT THOSE JOBS EXIST OR GET POSTED?

yo either make 9 bucks an hour, or you make 40k a year. NO inbetween hahahaha.  that is so stupid.

http://www.online-stopwatch.com/cash-clock/

did i link this yet. my new favorite form of countdown clock / stopwatch.

this could seriously provide a LITTLE extra motivation. and that shit is VALUABLE. VALUE-ADDED hahahaha.

i just think its fooking DISGUSTING that you HAVE to bang a broad QUICKLY in order for you to ever have a CHANCE with her. I dont WANT to be with the type of SKANK who BANGS QUICKLY.

just the WAY women “date” is DISGUSTING. So naturally the idea of Dating does not sound fun to me, but rather DISGUSTING. just a bunch of dirty sluts fooking like a bunch of muh dik ingras. god damn. and if you dont fook them like sluts on the first date then you have no chance of having a real rel. and they cant see how stupid and wrong and disgusting it is to fook on the first date (or the 5th date, hahaha.)

just got 2 rejections from same company, including application i sent just an hour ago. damn.

MAYBE they are one of those asshole companies that wont even call you for an inteview if you are not current Employed. i wouldnt be surprised. fook shitcvnt shitphags.

heh. the one rejection I got right now was for “payment processor” for a requisition 2 months ago. i just applied for the same position title TODAY, but different requisition.

i bet that IS what it is. they just outright reject ANYONE who isnt currently Gainfully Employed. Are You Employed Sir. Get A God Damn Job, Al.

its just so weird though. some damn medical healthcare business services company rejects me outright for a damn 14 dah job, but a damn university will call me to interview for a 45k job. wtf. it just doesnt make any sense. i would need a TEAM of phds and attorneys to explain this to me. I couldnt pay enough money to get this adequately explained for me.

i mean they are both “good” companies but they have completely different policies here.

i just apply to this medical payment place regularly because they are close to home, they are big well known corp, and they are regularly hiring for entry level jobs.

in some ways I could be considered “overqualified” (degree from good school, no spelling mistakes in cover letter hahaha, have a linkedin page, why am I applying for a 13 dah job.) but in other ways I am “underqualified” (do not have 3 years working experience in medical payments processing. current unemployed.)

fook the bullshit!

hey i was willing to take her out on an official date. more than willing hahaha.

i should have been better about Reading Her Signals though. she clearly didnt want that, and rather than say no, she avoided it, cuz its harder for her to say no. ok fine i get that.

i dunno the only thing this teaches me is the value of communication. the importance. and i never fail to mention that in every job interview. good communication is absolutely essential. it is the most important thing. before you have good customer service, you must have good communication.

yeah i forgive her, i dont blame her, i sometimes blame myself for being so stupid and weak and foolish. but not as much as i used to hehehe.

its just fookin stupid as fook. everything about it was stupid. just fookin write me an email PLEASE. god damn. LISTEN to what I am SAYING. dont throw this all away in the most disgraceful way possible. show a little damn respect. dignify the relship with dignity hahaha.

interview today was ok. the woman was nice, but she was also more On Point than any interviewer ever, and went through everything. she was very well prepared hahaha. I appreciated that. and the receptionist was very nice to me, saying dont be nervous, the people youll be talking to are very nice. I smiled and said thank you.

hehehe when you are on your 14(88)th interview and its a 20 hour a week job, you just dont get nervous hehehe.

well at least when i have another nice female friend, 7/10, 25 years old, n<4, and we get along GREAT, I know how to handle it better when I fall in luv with her hahaha.

im trying to make the point that I have never made a female friend who was So Dateable. My other female friends, i never had any actual interest in them like that, in fact maybe I found them a little “too slutty” hahahaha. but I did not really judge them on that believe it or not. I was able to appreciate them apart from them being sluts. but I wouldnt want to date sluts like that!

yeah it sounds mean. they were nice people. dating them would have been crazy and bad tho, is all Im saying. in a way that it absolutely wouldntve with That Woman. Who was nice, not crazy, and not slutty.

365 jobs is what muh number is up to now.

i just hate majorly screwing things up. majorly majorly majorly screwing things up. you feel bad, feel a lot of GUILT and SHAME.

5 mile powerwalk.

applied to hospital job using the worst peoplesoft application ever. saw i was “not selected” for a job i applied to 3 days ago. but never got an email notifying me. THANKS. that was for an office assistant job. the one I just applied to now is “administrative assistant 1”. i am sure i will be “not selected” for that too.

it just sucks to go to college and be a 35 year old nevergf neet and you can’t even get an INTERVIEW for an OFFICE ASSISTANT job where you just need a HS education. that triggers and rustles me WAY more than going to an interview and not getting the job. at least then I get SOME confidence, get some experience, get to add to muh pile of interviews. and it tells me i am a finalist, i am one of the 10 best applicants. for a god damn 13 dah office asssistant job. not even an ADMINISTRATIVE assistant hahahaha.

very likely THEY dont like unemployed people too. god DAMN.

so the lesson learned is to REAPPLY to all these places once i get some kind of job, like this 20 hour a week job i interviewed today. way to get ahead of myself. they are interviewing 5 or 6 other people here. so i have like a 16% chance of getting the job hahaha.

i like that cash clock. it makes me feel like im actually making money and doing something productive when i apply for these jobs. like im getting PAID to do job applications. im not of course, but it feels like it just a little bit. like i am making money doing work, rather than just trying to get as low a time as possible! im still doing that too, but now im also MAKING MONEY for it! im not of course but even if i can make it feel like that a LITTLE bit. its a motivator.

as i was doing the powerwalk today i saw a qt young woman. in my neighborhood. i walked RIGHT BY HER. i was caught VERY off guard. I saw her way up ahead earlier on and did a double take, who is that nonfat youngish woman? and then i turned the corner about 15 minutes later and there she was! i hate passing people, but her i sort of looked at her and smiled and said hello, which the friendly normies do. most young attractive women HATE when balding betas do this, its literally rape. but she actually seemed to smile back at me! and i was like whoooooooaaaaaa should i go running back after her and ask her out to dinner? i did not expect that at all. I do not expect niceness or pleasantness from qt young women! And I totally get why! They dont like omega males, never have, never will. I more expect women to be cold and bitchy to me, i get SURPRISED and CAUGHT OFF GUARD when they smile and are nice. I can’t say I dislike it though! It was part of how me and that woman got along so well. she was FRIENDLY to me. she SMILED at me. when I very unused to women SMILING at me. it’s NICE, i LIKE it, but i am totally unaccustomed to it.

i was not wearing glasses so i couldnt tell anything about the woman other than she was not old and she was not hideous and she had a friendly look on her face. when i first saw her i couldnt tell if she was 13 or 23 or 33. if she was 13, thats bad. but i think she was actually an appropriate age. maybe she was an Eastern European Immigrant. if so, EVEN BETTER. real tradwife material!

it was the first time i ever saw her. if i ever see her again, I should ask her out to dinner. or lunch. or coffee. or ice cream. i mean im supposed to take her out for drinks and fook her on the first date if i want any chance at marrying her hahahaha.

anyway it reminded me how qt women being nice to you can make you forget about Other Past Women pretty effectively.

women have the attention of secsy guys all the time, makes it easier for the women to forget about men.

but omega males, we are so used to women being neutral (or negative) to us, that its a little WEIRD to have a woman be POSITIVE to us. but its the type of weird id like to get used to!

never say never again, 1983. sean connery came BACK to playing bond after like a 10 year hiatus. was there a hiatus? or did roger moore not enter until after 1983? i dont know, dont really care, i just thought connery was done with bond well before 83. also, kim basinger was VERY attractive in 1983. i mean shit i would prob still bang her 33 years later…..but she was a total 9/10 in 1983 hahahahahaha.

AM I THE ONLY PERSON ON THE WHOLE INTERNET WHO REALIZES THAT INDEED ALERTS SUCKS!!????!?!?!?!?!?!!

there are NO comments from other butthurt people like me. who can’t FIND the alerts they thought they had, tha

https://subscriptions.indeed.com/

AYOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

TOP SECRET INDEED PAGE INDEED DOES NOT WANT YOU TO KNOW ABOUT, RIGHT THERE!!!!!!

thats ALL I want. A list of ALL my active alerts on ONE page.

of course, there’s no link to EDIT the alerts from this page. that would make WAY too much sense.

searching my gmail TRASH folder for indeed alert EMAILS that contain a CANCEL link at the bottom.

http://www.indeed.com/my/alerts?from=nav

by my GOD, THIS page is the worst abomination EVER. a fooking ABORTION. it doesnt work, it hasn’t worked for MONTHS, and indeed does not care. this kind of OBVIOUS CORNER CUTTING and SHITTY QUALITY triggers me to no end. just because anyone above level 1 can just HIDE BEHIND level 1 indians saying we are so sorry for the inconvenience, but right now there are no plans to implement this feature. HOPE THIS HELPS! and thanks for choosing indeed. and they mark that as a RESOLVED CASE. NO. ITS NOT RESOLVED AT ALL. GIVING A BULLSHIT NONANSWER IS NOT A RESOLUTION. GOD DAMN.

and i hated being in the position where I was the level 1 schmuck who had to give the bullshit nonanswer!!!!!

She didnt care. She just gave the bullshit. she was so stupid she didnt even KNOW it was bullshit. shes just like whatever its a job, lemme just listen to music while i give bullshit nonanswers, cant wait to get out and smoke MJ, set up some chill hangouts with hot bois from tinder and okcupid, its so fun being single and dating for the first time in my life, and im glad to be done with that asshole jerk bitchboi who i thought was my friend but he just wanted to fook me! all men are jerks and liars who only want one thing! well two can play that game! besides he was a 35 year old virgin weirdo, i was WAY out of his league! gross!

and this is why you dont work at a terrible bullshit job with the woman you are in luv with hahaha.

so just go to dinner with the nice qt gurl from the neighborhood, or the qt dark haired woman at the weekly game. i dont see any of these women regularly or consistently, tho. NO EXCUSE!

basically, when i had my easy job from 2008 to 2013, i did not do NEARLY enough job searching. i did pretty good with schooling, in the sense i took a lot of classes that didnt do much. shit i KNOW i had a COUPLE interviews here and there kinda randomly, but i certainly didnt get the jobs. then i got the bigboy job in late 13 because they would hire ANYONE, LITERALLY. they hired a ton and fired a ton.

point is, right NOW, my jobseraching skills are the BEST theyve ever been. in terms of muh system. muh spreadsheet. muh indeed alerts. a few careerbuilder alerts. muh PACKET. muh folders of bookmarks. organization information. email alerts. i didnt have ANY of that before. until NOW really. 2016. current year. yeah thats shameful. but i would often miss out on jobs because i didnt KNOW about them, and i would think ehhhh shit i dont want to dig up addresses and phone number of every employer for goddamn PROFILES you have to fill out. i was way too LAZY about jobseraching when i had that job at that time. then i got the new job and had no time to do anything. just study the shit and try not to panic.

aug 16

heh. i want a BOOK or a 20 hour documentary on what Long Term Unemployed or Long Term Kissless Virgin Nevergf does to men. Neetness. there is the occasional article saying it can lead to despair. NO SHIT. i am looking for something that explores all this in depth. i guess that this is my niche, my calling, the doumentary i must make myself.

i thought about hanging out with that qt random woman and her being nice to me and smiling at me and cuddling with me and i thought HOLY SHIT what a BIG DEAL that would be, that would totally TRANSFORM me, i am totally MISSING OUT on something BIG.

and this is all from getting one small polite smile from a woman where I really couldnt tell how attractive she was.

well she seemed moderately attractive, maybe even the ever Problematic 7/10, otherwise i wouldnt have reacted so positively!

then they say, youre overreacting, its not gonna TRANSFORM YOU, if you got what you wanted, you’d soon find you were unhappy again, because you REALLY need to change something within yourself.

ok FINE. then i challenge you to PROVE me wrong by giving me that chance. give me a nice qt gf for a year and we’ll see if it TRANSFORMS me or not, hahahahahaha. if it doesnt, i will accept defeat humbly.

just GIVE ME A CHANCE.

although admittedly “chance” for me means more than “one strike and youre out.” give me at least 3 strikes hahahaha.

heh. we were both saying PLEASE STAHP to each other. she was saying please stahp pushing me to hang out and please stahp having weird feelings for me, I was saying please stahp avoiding me and ignoring me and not hanging out with me ever.

recipe for disaster.

stupid fookin jobs. so fookin retardedly stupid. i wish i didnt have to deal with this and i could have just lived with HER happily ever after.

but at least now i am applying for jobs and jobsearching with a pretty solid good system, and also sometimes noticing other women and feeling excited when they smile at me hahaha.

starting to think more seriously about focusing intentionally on part time jobs, and using that as a stepping stone to a full time job, because SOME COMPANIES automatically reject you if you are Currently Unemployed. ESPECIALLY if longer than 3 months. which it certainly has been!

in the sense that a little while ago, i was avoiding applying for part time jobs, and saying NO i NEED a full time job……when relally part time jobs are EASIER and they can HELP you in ultimately getting a FT job. so you dont get painted with the brush of “long term unemployed loser.”

this was kind of funny, its sad that kyle and sinead are so god damn confrontational , well especially sinead hahaha. not just confrontational but she insults and disparages good people with good messages. it doesnt have to be this way! you dont have to be such a drama causing bitch!

and kyle really is a handsome man. and sinead has some good, but the bad outweighs the good. i hope sinead is not leading kyle around by the balls, or making him do an open rel, and why for the love of Wodinn dont you just SAY that kyle is your husbando and that he is the father of your child…….UNLESS HE ISNT??????? in other words, sinead is super untrustworthy. but i think kyle can be redeemed, but he has to break free of sineads spell first.

so sad and frustrating to see healthy looking young white people be pro-white…..but mix it up with such stupid shit. they can do SO much better. they even have a sense of HUMOR!!!!

and its SAD that sinead is irreparably damaged. im not even sure how you could fix her. well find her a white man whos not afraid to put her in her place, get many more babies out of her, and keep her away from the internet!!!!! kyle does not look like he’s gonna be that strong man. besides, why would any man  DESERVE such a High Maintenance Handful? A strong man should be able to do BETTER than her, in other words.

but maybe an ex mudshark slut who is totally crazy is good enough for ME, an ex degen whos not a big winner. but i would STILL have to develop a VERY strong hand to keep her in her place!!!! and i dont have that yet! also i am nowhere near as handsome as kyle!

ok its a bit easier to do 28 minute job applications when you are listening to music at the same time. have to do that more reg.

applied for City job, US Attorneys Office FEDGOV USAJOBS job, and uhh hospital job where i have 40 other applications and never an interview. discriminating against the longterm unemployed hahahaha.

sheeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeit. busy day. was getting ready to go to shrink and got call from Electronics Company that I had applied to 900000000000000000 times but never heard a god damn thing. and now i hear from them. why now? why open this job to 500 new applicants every month? how am I in the Elite Pool? was it because I updated the profile to have Muh Packet? they use a Bad Taleo (there is a Good Taleo believe it or not) where its impossible to tell whats really attached to your application.

recruiter gurl talks to me, catches me way off guard, said….holy shit she has 5700 followers on linkedin and has a very powerful linkedin premium account. it is like i am being contacted by the fookin bill gates of Talent Acquisition and Recruiting.

when i am contacted off guard by someone, i always fear that i sound like a rude or distracted asshole or autist. i did the best i could, tried to be as nice as i could, and was able to sched an interview for friday (today is tues.) they wanted me to come in tomorrow. i hate coming in TOMORROW.  (but not as much as much as coming in TODAY hahahaha.) well they were able to acommodate me on friday actually. good. interview with a panel of 3 men. probably will want to test my knowledge of the company. GREAT.

then as i get out of shrink, get a call on my baterry dying phone from the HOSPITAL that NEVER calls me (except to schedule an interview for TODAY or not at all, hahaha.) they say you put 26000 on salary requirements. I said yes but that is very flexible, what is the range for this position (positngs here NEVER say), they say it starts at 11 bucks an hour, i say thats fine hahaha, see you on……cant do friday errrrr how about monday.

so now i interview with hospital monday morning for dumb 11 dollar part time job…….and then BIGGGGGG interview monday AFTERNOON with county for SWEET 42k job!!!

heh. never had 2 interviews in ONE DAY before, i guess this is a turning point eh?

rejection email from county for 26k job DAMN why cant they just INTERVIEW me for these jobs!!!!! applied 6/15, get rejection on 8/16. ok good.

all these olympic athletes have TRAINERS and COACHES. you dont say go out there and figure out how to win a gold medal. you PRACTICE for YEARS with a COACH who TEACHES you BEST PRACTICES.

bitches.

 

 

STEFAN MOLYNEUX IS DRIVING THIS BUS

june 15

had a dream with the PREVIOUS woman, woman 2012. where i was making out with her and getting ready to STICK IT IN, and she was like oh yeah stick it inme hahahaha she was very ready and willing. now she was not a slutty or secsual gurl at all, almost asexual. but i liked that she could be horny for me hehe. of course in real life she had no such interest in me. she was always nice to me and even hung out with me on occasion but we never became super close friends. i was always way more interested than she was but she was too nice and inexperienced to say say yeah i just dont want to hang out as much as you do.

well eventually she figured it out and was mature and courageous enough to say something and i said yep yeah you figured me out, i like u, aw shucks. and that was the end of that. but i appreciated that she was open and communicative and mature about it, so there was no real hard feelings there.

i would MUCH rather have a secsy dream with HER than ANY sort of dream with THAT WOMAN! hahaha.

aw sheeeeit. meeting with stupid tech recruiter, my least favorite kind of people, in 2 days. I am doing it just to keep practicing interviews, and i will be sure to tell him NO CALL CENTERS. TELL HIM NO CALL CENTERS.

and then he’ll say aw shucks thats too bad, cuz all i have are call centers, as far as the eye can see.

” Not only will this person take the role of a BA, but also a System Analyst where they are creating and taking requirements, asking questions, deep diving into each requirement to understand the landscape & suggest alternatives. This is NOT a role for someone who is not comfortable working on their own. This is a non-hand holding role!!  ”

hahahahahahahahahaha

DEEP DIVING. understand the landscape. NON HAND HOLDING ROLE hahahahaha.

figure it out on your own, moron, or youre fired.

is the average american even smart and clever enough to do this? dont most people do shitty in school? how can they think on their feet where basically everything is a tough trick question? how can average proles do this? this is challenging even for average white people!

but it was fun making out with woman 2012 in the dream. she was receptive to me there, but not in the way that suggests she’s that way with tons of men.

oh dear it looks like the latest fatherland is gonna bitch about me dnating one fecking quarter hahahaha. yeah well wait till they see that I upgraded it to 2 fecking quarters. EVERY MONTH.

whatsamatter normie, your too good for neet money hahahahaha.

the host jim does like to BITCH a lot hahahaha but he’s still a good guy. I know he means well. hey you almost were a neet at one time too, GUY.  this fookin guy. go work in a call center for your family hahahaha. see if you can still do your white dadcast then. see if your wife wont abandon you because youre a nervous wreck hahaha. then you can become a neet like your brother.

got a call from a black woman at the nursing home where i applied for HR assistant. talk to them TOMORROW heh.

human resources assistant at the nursing home. where old white people go to die under the watch of NAM’s hahahaha.

well black women luv me in general. they might want to hire me as their pet white boy. and then dump shit on me hahaha.

did i mention this indian tech recruiter just called me as well. i have gotten 3 unsolicited calls today. i think it is because i recently updated my res and was active on both careerbuilder and monster.

heh. just scheduled an Interview for tomorrow and i dont even care. not even nervous.

i sent them the packet i think.

and a 4th unsolicited call from a gd tech recruiter hahahaha. fookin assholes.

fook tech, fook anything computer related, the end.  basically, if you want to talk to a tech person on the phone, you will be guaranteed that they dont know what theyre doing. nobody knows what theyre doing because the whole field is a clusterfook. the only people that do know what they are doing are like startup founders, maybe.

you dont need to train people when you can just hire good bullshitters!

these fooking RECRUITERS! its gotta be that careerbuilder and or monster. so weird i get these indian guys calling ME to try to sell me into a tech call center job hahahaha.

how are these people Finding Talent? why can’t BIG COMPANIES like XEROX do their own Talent Recruitment? They get some indian working for SilverXis Tech Recruiting to find people as quickly as possible to fill the Xerox call center. IT just confuses the HELL out of me.

i guarantee you these recruiters aren’t finding better people than the companies do.

SO WHY DO THE COMPANIES KEEP USING THEM?

maybe they DO find better people.

i can’t believe its because the recruiters can afford to buy access to Careerbuilder’s Secret Leads. If Bumfook Tech Recruiters of cleveland can afford access to Careerbuilder, then so can xerox. so can bla bla Expanding Growing Insurance Company. It just all sounds Fishy As Fook to me. there is SOMETHING I dont know, and I am too low to EVER know.

stupid b on viceland “states of undress” calling these russians HOMOPHOBES. they’re not AFRAID of gays, they probably dont even HATE gays, so much as  they just dont want to CELEBRATE gayness 24/7, and if you dont want to do that, then youre a homophobe. or you dont want your kids teachers to be Gay Activists.

of course you should be homeschooling your kids!

how degenerate IS the average gay? I met a few gays that weren’t that degenerate. but a lot of gays ARE degenerate or just straight up crazy. bipolar and shit. worse than WOMEN. i dont want to be encouraging these people. heh i want to ENCOURAGE them to keep it in the closet.

or how about be gay, just don’t be (overly) degenerate about it. Get married to your first secs partner and stay monogamous for life. dont rack up thousands of ay secs partners. strive for a LOW NUMBER.

POST ON DF

Oh wow, crush on a friend, that can be rough. I had a similar situation recently and it did not end well! I eventually had to tell the person because…well, it’s complicated of course haha. I was giving pretty obvious signals and they were giving kind of obvious signals back that they were not interested in me in that way, and they just wanted me to forget about it. Of course I could not forget about it and I kept pushing them to talk to me about it, so we could have at least one big conversation about it, each of us say what we want to say, and try to move past it. I felt a great desire to talk, however she did not want to talk at all, and the friendship/relationship ended right there, with her refusing to talk to me whatsoever. I was pushy and awkward and weird, but I still feel resentful for her not talking to me. I never understood how painful the silent treatment was until I experienced this!

So to try to apply that amusing anecdote to your situation, haha. My first question is, are you showing your friend any kind of signals? For me, when I get feelings for somebody, it’s impossible to hide it. So do you think your friend knows about your feelings?

If they do, are they willing to talk about it? It will probably be a very awkward, nerve-wracking, uncomfortable conversation, but I strongly believe its one of those uncomfortable conversations that shouldn’t be avoided.

Basically I swore to myself that I would never let this happen to me again, and if I ever got feelings for a friend again, and they were acting kinda ambivalently to me, I would “blurt it out” and just tell them directly. They probably already have an idea, but they might be trying to avoid talking about it, because it’s an uncomfortable conversation. For me though, the conversation was absolutely necessary. For them, it wasn’t. Maybe you can think about how necessary such a conversation would be to you. Some people are fine just having nonverbal signals, but me personally, I need the awkward conversation to tell the whole truth with words. Your personal preferences might be different! 🙂

However I think it’s great when two people can talk about their feelings and their relationship like adults without avoiding each other, and just dealing with issues openly and honestly.

I can definitely understand your feelings, all too well!! And I would definitely feel horrible if my crush was not interested in me, but they WERE interested in some other mutual friend, like it sounds like is the case with you. I would personally limit my interaction with both people, cuz just to see or talk to them would be very painful, I would be constantly reminded of how they did not want to be with me.

When I get a crush, it’s usually pretty serious, hahaha. It’s pretty much full-blown true love that leaves me devastated and heartbroken, and I want to save you some of that pain in the future!

So I would think about having a honest conversation with your friend sooner rather than later, and see what they say and how they feel. But please understand I am not a professional.

Good luck and feel free to share more information or stories! 🙂

END.

young gurl has a crush on her male friend. or it could be another gurl, who knows. but crush on a friend, that is my wheelhouse tottally.

june 16

had interview for back office, human resources, payroll job with the nursing home. the nursing home has middling reviews because they dope up the seniors and leave them to die hahaha. i mean nursing homes are sad places period, its inherent, the only people that like the nursing homes are the rich jooish nursing homes.

all i cared about was that the people I talked to were nice, and they WERE. thank god. the black girl at the front desk was nice. everyone was black hahahaha. well there was a white woman administrator and a black woman administrator that i had the interview with. they were both all right. I did ok and it was probably my least autistic interview. and with less than 24 hours notice!

I sent them thank you note already. They seemed to like me. no really hard questions. I am like a politician anyway, I don’t actually answer the stupid questions they are asking anyway hahaha.

anyway I am not so much on the fence here like i am with the damn post office. if the nursing home calls me back, i will take the job for sure. it’s really close to home, like insanely. its a days schedule. no split shifts, no midnights.

i saw some old people who were not in great shape. but i would rather look at suffering dying old people, a memento mori if you will, hahaha, rather than answer calls all day and not know what to do.

i guess it could get problematic when dealing with employee contracts, ie the unionized nurses and such in the nursing home, and me having to udnerstand god damn union contracts. hey not my problem, talk to your steward hahahahahahahaha. its possible I could be in a union too. which is probably good. that means i cant be fired right hahahahaha.

not that I’m a union man by any means, boss! These fookin layabout and commies are gonna put us ALL out of jobs!

You know me boss, I am NOT a union man what so ever!

but yeah i felt pretty good, pretty CONFIDENT, after I got done. that was a GREAT feeling I hadn’t felt in a WHILE. Just straight up Confidence. Is THAT what NORMIES feel ALL THE TIME? its like being on DRUGS!!!!!!!

I wish I could feel that every day, or every other day at least.

http://bbs.dailystormer.com/t/sweet-and-finally-legal-student-gash-for-cash/35376/4

commenter sez quote:

While I agree that these vile instincts are present in man kind (and in this instance namely women).
I still can’t help but cast harsh blame on the group who causes our people to turn towards such degeneracy.
Simply knowing that we are better than this, and knowing how far our people have fallen enrages me.
It’s amazing how people act around me, I’m quite vocal on my positiion of white superiority, when I come across downtrodden whites, or cross paths with white degenerates I know (one way or another) they always seem to straighten up around me, this is because I tell them every time I see them that they are white and that we are expected to hold ourselves to the highest standards.
When they see me they act white.
It is my firm belief that all whites – even our most j00 mind warped ones; know deep down that they are superior and that they are better than the current person they were caused to be.
One only needs to them; and be amazed how quickly whites clean up their act.
We need to get our message out into the world, whites need to hear that they are better than any role this current shit filled world has to offer them.

end quote

on zerohedge article about “soft prostitution” ie college gurls selling their bodies to pay for college. anyway I am totally with this guy, i favorited his comment hahaha. and pasted it here.

not super relavent to the days news (orlando, and now a leftist mp in UK assassinated by a brexit right winger yikes), but ALWAYS relevent to my own interest in da wimmin.

had a dream last night where i was on a long bus that was more like a train. i went to the front of the bus and who was driving it but STEFAN MOLYNEUX. I was like oh wow I actually know who you are (everyone else on the bus was people I knew IRL and probably they have no idea who he is.) And I was like welp you and me are gonna have a talk. because molyneux is just my vending machine for stimulating conversations hahaha and will talk to me about interesting stuff at my beck and call hahaha.

but yeah there is possibly a lot of symbolism here. stefan molyneux is driving the bus of my life hahahaha.

i more or less enjoy stefan and I especially like how he has been gradually moving alt-rightward and i liked the stupid meme that says he wrote “culture of critique”, and I like this picture:

aiMo1Qj

but I am concerned about him being 25-50% jooish hehehehehe. also sometimes he seems like a woman-hater, and he has huge mommy and daddy issues, but I do like some of his call-in “therapy” conversations. BUT I don’t like his defoo bullshit. But I think he is open to change, and some of the changes he’s made recently are promising. and he’s definitely an interesting guy. better to listen to him than watch talmudvision hahaha. wish I could have sat around and watched molyneux with muh female friend. oh we could cuddle together and listen to TRS podcasts and watch millennial woes and have meaningful sacred relationshipsecs with each other……

yesterday i had some woman-hating thoughts, i thought, its RIDICULOUS. women are like EVIL, MOUSTACHE-TWIRLING COMIC BOOK VILLAINS.  Like just pure evil in every way. Then I figured that’s too comical. they are evil in a dark, satanic, horrifying way, kind of similar to da j00s. blaspheming the holy. making the sacred profane and the profane sacred. TOTAL MORAL INVERSION.

like secs to me is a huge deal, its like a religious experience, ive only done it a few times and it has changed my life. it feels very intimate and special to me. but women treat it like NOTHING. like taking a DUMP. just a bodily function, no big deal.

they treat peoples HEARTS, treat PEOPLE, and relationships, like expendable, worthless, replaceable, interchangeable things. callously dump some guy, break his heart, just don’t care, and be FOOKING a new guy within a few days. its sinful and evil to a HORRIFYING degree, I can’t even COMPREHEND it. this is how evil they are.

they are capable of deception, lies, and murder in the highest degree! they murder their babies which grow inside them! they lie to people for years! they can do a 180 on you at any time! past niceness is no indicator that they wont do a total 180 on you and disappear forever, or cheat on you with 600000 guys!

so yeah its like someone who is evil in every way, just pure evil embodied, incapable of good, like satan, that’s how evil EVEN NICE SEEMING women are!!!!!!!

kind of like j00s. da joos are by far my least favorite race. i just think they are evil. they take everything good and holy and pervert it and ruin it. they are not merely annoying, but they represent a moral and spiritual threat. As a moral man, da joos are my ENEMY because their morality is a total inversion, desecration of my morality. the satan comparison is very apt.

and it seems like women are very j00ified in this regard, and thats sad and infuriating and sad. our women are better than this….. but da joo is very good at corrupting our women. making our women evil and disgusting like THEM.

basically women are DEGENERATE, like the J’s. DEGENERATE in the way they have secs, the degenerate fake pseudo “relationships” they have which make a DEGENERATE MOCKERY of human relationships, human dignity. these degenerates have no dignity, they spit in the face of dignity and Goodness, the same way Da Joos want to boil Jesus Christ Alive in a cauldron of Shit and Piss and Jizz. its disgusting and pure evil. you don’t treat people like this. it’s not overt like beating the shit out of somebody, and in a way, beating the shit out of somebody is BETTER. kinder. less evil. the evil these women do is basically Emotional TORTURE. and you have to be a sick j00ish SADIST to TORTURE people!!!!!! like god damn j00 eli roth making “TORTURE PORN” movies.

THE FOOKING RELATIONSHIPS WOMEN HAVE ARE “TORTURE PORN!!!!” 

moreso than these eli roth films, the term torture porn would better describe the sick, twisted relationshits these women have. torturous because its painful and horrifying and nightmarish. porn because it’s a sick degenerate mockery of secs and luv – making the sacred profane and making a mockery of the dignity of human life. 

i guess after being abandoned and used as a cvm dumpster, the women are gonna try to ruin men the same way they feel ruined. there is this mutiilation album called “remains of a lost, dead, cursed, ruined soul” or something hahahaha and that is how I view women. and that is what they want to turn the people they meet into.  lost dead cursed ruined souls

what else. talk to this recruiter tomorrow morning, gotta get up early and go thru traffic. damn.

got an email from “the mutual friend”, ie the person who was friends with both me and That Woman, and That Woman and I used to meet up with this mutual friend and chit chat together. I am still on good terms with the mutual friend, well, emailing them back and forth. I told them the whole sad story and thankfully did not overwhlem them with those long emails, because the mutual friend is touching base with me again. and i have not blubbered any sadguy shit about that woman. I won’t mention that woman again unless the mutual friend asks.

I think That Woman is avoiding the mutual friend as well. I think the mutual friend might have appreciated a long email from That Woman, like I sent long emails to the mutual friend. but good luck getting that woman to TALK TO YOU. The best you’ll get is a damn text saying “hope your doing good lol yes of course well hang out soon <3”

and thats the best your* gonna get! and if you want her to ACTUALLY hang out, then your* being pushy hahahaha.

also I wanted to say, I’ve been listening to moar goatwh0re and IM SORRY all the mean things I said about their singer ben.

I’m SORRY if I said anything bad about their “new” drummer as of “a haunting curse” because he is a very very good drummer. he’s just different than the first drummer, who I grew up with.

that is, I recently brought “a huanting curse” back out and thoroughly enjoyed it. that was the album where I started losing track of the band. But I really shouldn’t have. Its a good album and I enjoy it now more than I did when it came out in 2006/7.

so now the time is right for me to try the 3 albums which came AFTER that!

But I will say about ben: another pet peeve I have is that hes in there TOO MUCH. cramming every beat of every song with damn lyrics.

these eyes bleed as they watch this desecreation of this abominable abortion upon this eve of the sadistic moon whereupon these grave-vermin reflect these perversions towards these smoldering oblivions of this constricted defiling crumbling this decay.

I mean you could write a PROGRAM to write these lyrics, JUST SAYIN hahahaha.

but SOME of the lyrics are good.

And Bens voice is good too. I can’t fault him for being TOO ambitious, can I???!?!?!?!

He is a very commanding singer, so he is ALWAYS singing. writing a 6000000 page BOOK of lyrics for every song. IMHO this is not necessary, and it ultimately distracts from sammy’s guitar. Ben is technically good, but he’s just TOO MUCH. Ben is good but Sammy is better. His stream of catchy, evil riffs is so satisfying that you sometimes just want to say SHUT UP BEN just so you can hear more of sammys riffs hehehehehe. He was dfeinitely influential on my own attempts at songwriting. One of my fav metal guitarists for SURE. an excellent metal songwriter. ANd BLATHERIN BEN just gets in the way of it. I would take Ben aside and give him Constructive Criticism in the form of a feedback sandwich: You’ve got a great voice and a lot of good lyrics, you just need to take a breather once in a while. LESS IS MORE BEN. LESS IS MORE. And stop saying this so much. let sammy sing more and let sammy write more lyrics and let sammy proofread your lyrics and just be quiet and let sammy’s riffs be heard. Don’t you think Sammy  is an Outstanding Riffmaster? Don’t you just want to sit back and admire Sammy’s awesome riffs? so do we ben, so do we.  but we appreciate everything you’ve done. you’re a decent guy and I even had your PARALYSIS album on TAPE. Why don’t you bring back those cookie monster vocals sometimes too? but don’t cram the song with them from beginning to end. try not to sing for more than 70% of the songs duration. not every riff needs vocals on top of it.  LESS IS MORE.

thats what i would say to him.

and on a haunting curse sammys sweet riffs are on full display, but this album was where it became harder for me to fully appreciate them because of ol blathering ben yak yak yaking away.

it is also possible sammy’s awesome riff ratio went down there, but I’d rather not think that.

ok i gotta do a powerwalk here.

anyway all that hateful stuff i was saying about women……that is part of muh cognitive distortions. women arent really THAT bad, and not all women are THAT bad. even the worst women arent AS bad as satanic j00ish monsters hahahaha. which isnt to say women cannot get poisoned by satanic j00ish monsters!

i mean theres not a j00 within 10 miles of here but they still poison us through the televitz and the media and cultcha in general!

cuz its not like young women are watching hours of tv a day. but they are texting away on shitty torture porn pseudo relationshits all day hahahaha.

but yeah not all women are even satanic horrible demons. even she isnt. although what she did a demon would have no problem doing. heck she probably does feel bad about it! well maybe she felt bad about it for a week and then GOT OVER IT hahahaha.

i mean look the mutual friend who sends me nice email. SHE is a woman! and shes very nice, and STILL nice to me! of course she is a 55 year old woman and I am not in LUV with her!

but yeah its always hard to get through the end of a rel, and a broken heart, especially when you are the one whose heart was broken and you didnt want the rel to end AND it ended in a bad way. like that phaggy song says, when a heart breaks it dont break even hahaahhahahaha. meaning her heart didnt break at all.

bitcoin is SOARING TO THE MOON. I don’t have much left, I have been selling it back for ZOGbux hahaha. I sold 60$ of it at once, but I didn’t think it would CONTINUE soaring as high as it has. I thought it would start doing some bearish shit by now.

is it because china is buying up tons of btc right now? i dunno.

should I not be selling? well i have already sold 85% of muh coinz.

ok better go to bed, get up early and talk to the recruiter. at least this is a white guy and not a damn indian hahaha. tell him no call centers. tell him i got a 60% chance at getting a Day Shift, Weekends Off job less than 5 miles from my home. No Call Center. BEAT THAT, PHAGGOT hahahahaha.  although I really have more like a 0.0000000000000000001% chance of getting that job hahaha.  damn shabbos goy slave to da jooz.

PROTECT YOUR NATIONS JOBS

april 25

happy 4th hehehe.

had a weird dream. was seeing some people i remember from college, but i think they were still young and I was old. at one point, this “cool alpha” male was having S with THREE beautiful young 18 year old Qts. I approached one of them to try to get sloppy seconds, as they hadn’t shown me ANY attention, and they she gave me a b1tchy attitude and went back to the four-way with the one guy. I was not thrilled.

Briefly this gurl popped in and asked me to Pretend to Have S with her. “NO NEED TO PRETEND,” I said in a suave alpha way, hehehehe. she got on top of me and started grinding and it was very fun. i think she was naked so it was very close to having S. I recall sticking muh tongue up her V and thought that was fun. which was weird, cuz that doesn’t really appeal to me unless I am in Luv with the 18 year old gurl. But it was still not bad.

And then she left very quickly, i said, no, you don’t have to leave right now, don’t you want to have Moar FUN? but she was gone matter of factly, and I was sad, because I very much enjoyed our 5 minutes together, and wanted MOAR.

and then there was something about a guy’s crazy gurlfrand jumping out the window and then we were all being questioned by police as Murder Suspects, and I did not feel too good about that.

heh. i tend to have weirder dreams when i am under moar stress.

how about you?

but it was very fun having pretend dream S with a young gurl, would like some MOAR.

ok.

so, thing is, being too anxious for too long makes you do a WORSE job at your job, because you can’t think straight and you panic and Sh1t The Bed. This does not ingratiate you to your superiors.

does buspar really work if you have intense stress? like NERVOUS stress, like o sh1t what have I gotten myself into, i can’t DO this sort of stress.

but I was able to WITHSTAND at my old/current job, thus i can probably WITHSTAND at this new job.

again, back to the prayers. lord GOD give me strength and courage and confidence and calmness.

i didn’t even like the weekends, because I would just Stress about Work the whole time, and I’d rather stress about work AT work and get PAID for it! than have it RUIN my valuable FREE TIME!!!!

but the first couple of weekends are NATURALLY gonna be like that.

so i would advise drinking nyquil or benzos on friday night right after work, then sleeping like TWENTY hours. then go hang out with a trusted friend and do something fun.

if you don’t have a trusted friend, then still do something fun, like go for a LONG powerwalk (90 mins) and listen to music.

lots of people don’t like The Suckup or Brown Noser, but I see no reason NOT to be that At Work. You want to make Your Superiors Like you, don’t you? some see it as hurting their dignity.

know what hurts your dignity even more? Never being promoted.

Being Passed Over for promotion by someone who has been there shorter, or, even worse, some jackass from outside the company.

Well, that legit boils my buttons. I would NEVER run a company like that. I would promote ONLY from within.

these semi-mainstream “christian movies” are ridiculous. I believe christians are BETTER and SMARTER than that, and these movies don’t promote their cause, they make them look like IDIOTS, and they should be smart enough to see that.

but i do think mel gibson has the right idea, would like to see him make another christian film.

of course i am very ambivalent towards christians, even though i go to catholic church every week. but that is more of a karma thing to make my family happy, and I am more than willing to do that, for all they have done for me!!!!

is “nationalism” a better idea than “free trade”? where you have a gummint strong enough to shut down free trade and PROTECT YOUR NATION’S JOBS???? Does that make any sense? putting prohibitively high taxes on importing goods and services and outsourcing from china, india, mexico, third world etc.

“but then the average person would never be able to afford anything! a low end beater car would cost $100000000! a sh1tty house would cost $999999999999999999999999!! a pair of pants would cost $108237922193849! so what if there were american jobs making pants! you wouldn’t be able to afford pants!”

that argument.

well, i would argue that people are too greedy and want too much stuff. you don’t need a huge house or a fancy car, you might not even need a car period. you don’t need to go to college, you don’t need a lot of money to live and survive and have a family.

but then we would be living like poor people in the third world!!

well, it would certainly be a Downshift from what we are used to. But I think I could handle it. And I can barely handle a Full Time JOB, hehehehe.

a great idea I agree with but certainly did not create is that people could focus on owning apartment buildings rather than HOMES, and then they could rent out the apartments only to people they like and trust, and also live in the building themselves. theoretically you might sacrifice some profits, to have a more Exclusive Clientele.  Essentially create your own little Nation, really. maybe even starting a business and creating jobs for Your People.

yeah sounds sort of like a cult dont it. heh well i do like cults. but this would be more like a nation i swear.

a SUPER strong sense of community in other words. HOWEVER it’s really tricky to do this without being MARXIST SOCIALISM. But i think it could be done. a Right Wing Community. It would be a Community rather than a Collectivist Collective.

Do Normalfags even HAVE these kinds of ideas? more later.

UNEMPLOYABLE COLLEGE GRADS MAKING $9 AN HOUR 20 HOURS A WEEK

nov12

I am certainly no Family Law Attorney in any state, so I cannot comment on the ins and outs of Common Law Marriage. It’s very possible your Common Law Wife could steal all your stuff after you’ve been Going Out for X years, even though you’re not legally married.  So be sure to check the Common Law Marriage laws in your state, and get a legal separation right before the due date. If she really LUVS you she’ll do this for you. doesn’t mean you actually have to get separated, just something that shows in the eyes of the law you’ve been separated for at least a little while. I dunno. Ain’t no Lawyer, just want you to be aware of Common Law Marriage Laws.  Because the Woman who’s stayed with you for 10 years while you’ve refused to Marry Her has her Common Law Clock ticking and will CLEAN YOU OUT at the stroke of midnight, hahahahaha.

Gold has gone up 1866% in the past 20 years. Silver has gone up 384% in the past 20 years. just wanted to remember that.

nov 13

I mean, Silver is stll pretty risky because it’s always up and down, some years it’s up, some years it’s down, i’m just saying that over the past 20 years it’s performed better than savings accounts, CD’s, probably most 401k’s, etc etc.

Heh.  I wouldn’t recommend you take ALL your gambling winnings and invest it in silver. Gold would actually be the better investment IMHO. Buy some silver, buy some gold, buy some land, have a little in your 401k, of course I am paranoid that The Gummint will eventually engineer a way to STEAL YOUR money that You’ve put into your 401k. The way they freeze people’s savings accounts in Argentina.

The Successful Master Entrepreneur has FAILED more times than the Beginner has even TRIED. So say Management/Entrepreneurship Motivational Gurus on the Internet. It really does sound good. Maybe it even is true in a number of cases. There are some people who are extraordinarily persistent and resilient and who bounce back from failure and rejection more quickly and easily than others.

I have been mixing ACV in with muh water bottle, prob stop doing that actually, very concerned about the constant bombardment of acid on muh teeth enamel.

Prob go back to choking it down all at once. some say 1 Tblspn AVC and 10 Tblsp water. ok.

and then of course rinse yer mouth out with water right after. some “doctors” say you’re supposed to buy their special xylthol gum which strengthens your tooth enamel against acid erosion.

had a resume problem recently, had a good lead on an interview, sent in the res where I KNEW for SURE it would be looked at by the manager. It looked fine in LIbreOffice which I use because Office Ain’t Free. When I looked at it in Regular Office, even thoguh I’d saved it as RegOffice file, one line was off re margins. You prevent this by ALWAYS SNEDING A PDF. hope this does not disqual me fer the job.

But About that, that was a Golden Parachute Guardian Angel Lead delivered to me by Social Network, where I was offered a Sweet Employee Referral. Like TRAINING or HIRING FROM WITHIN, I thought this was one of those Good Old Traditions that THey Just Don’t Do Anymore, to society’s downfall.

But no, THE LORD was watching out for me today, so I apply for it, send in a res, then get a request to send in the res directly to the manager, and what do I do, I send a DOC file with one line jacked up, instead of playing it safe and sending a PDF. Heh. My FEAR OF SUCCESS leading me to sabotage myself AGAIN.

GOT to get some serious work done tonight. meaning: NO ZOOM poker. only Nonzoom, where I play one hand a minute and do productive stuff the rest of the minute, hahaha.

I hated skool back when I was in High Skool, but I still managed to get it done well enough to get admitted to a Highly Selective University!

I didn’t hate it much Less; maybe I just had more energy and felt younger, which I def was. Also, I took for granted that a “Boring Cubicle Job” awaited at the end of it all. I WISH. Not sure where I got that fantasy from. The idea of the “Unemployable College Grad” or “College Barista” was not really around yet.

ANYWAY. It would be sweet to get that job because a. Full Time b. Huge Increase in Pay, like 50% Increase! c. rumors that More Than Full Time Is Available.

Though it is the type of Job Job my peers at the Highly Selective Univeristy would be ashamed to have, I would be thrilled to have it because it’s Full Time and pays 50% better and rumor is the manager is nice. good enough for me!

Mainly it’s just so you can tell people, strangers and family and women, that YES your job is FULL TIME, you’re not Underemployed PART TIME like an underachieving LOSER DEADBEAT who DOESN’T WANT TO WORK. You’re doing Your Share, Carrying Your Weight, Working FULL TIME.  That’s a VERY important distinction. doesn’t matter if you can still make more money Gambling. Then Gamble during your off time. Buy sh1ttonnes of SILVER and GOLD.

But yeah I have heard rumors of people choosing to work 80 or even 100 hours a week. And others who chose to work 40. Heh. I might try 100 for 1 month.

See, in the Old Days, I wouldn’t NEED Graduate School because I would eventually get promoted to Manager WITHOUT an MBA or a Masters of Management or Masters of Business INformation Systems because because could see by the way I walk and talk that I’m a SMART GUY and that would be enough. But DEM DAYS IS GONE.

So Now I REFUSE to get a Masters Degree unless someone makes it DAMN CLEAR that it is actually WORTH the time and money: psst, hey you, get this masters degree and I guarantee you’ll get this job which pays 100% more.

Ten Years Ago, companies would actually PAY FOR YOUR MASTERZ DEGREE!!!!!

now, you pay at LEAST 30k for a masterz degree where it’s a BIG QUESTION MARK as to whether it will make you back that 30 grand.  LET ALONE an INCREASE of money past the breakeven point. Esp considering the two years of time and stress and study that went into it. You gotta monetize that. That is valuable time you could have used to make thousands of dollars GAMBLING!!!!!!!!!!

f00king balllicking f4gg0ts. they can lick muh ballz and suck muh D. let THEM waste 50 grand on a mastez degree that gets them nowhere.

HOW TO BE A MUSICIAN WHO IS POPULAR WITH THE LADIES

* EASY MODE. Some of us are born into HARD MODE and do very well, others of us are born into EASY MODE and royally f00k it up, so 4chan gives us only 2 options, go to therapy or kill yourself, and more likely kill yourself because no one has sympathy for rich posh f4gg0ts handed everything on a silver platter in easy mode! so 1 choice.  heh.

But yeah. how do you f00k up EASY mode? By failing out of school and quitting any job?

Heh there are tiers of easy mode. easiest tier would be having you own TRUST FUND and your fam pays for you to have your own den of decadence, drugs and sex, no job.

or family gets you a Good Job with No Interview, you make good money being incompetent when really you should have a top masters degree for this job. then you blow the job because you go out drinking and Clubbing every night, spending $1000 a night at the club from your family’s allowance.

or your family pays for your college and then lets you live at their house when you finish college and are too much of a loser to get a job, hahaha.

Well, at least you don’t have a TRUST FUND or get an ALLOWANCE or have your fam pay RENT, hahahaha.

Anyway, I certainly did not have easiest mode, but I prob did have some kind of Easy Mode, and I screwed it up just because I was unconfident, unmasculine, lazy, poisoned, cowardly, angry, distracted, could not handle college. did top 5% in high school, down to maybe 50% in college? decent grades in college, but sh1t-tier useless major, no internships, no networking

* well i dunno. just keep sending out cover letters and go for 30 minute walks twice a day and try not to go from slightly overweight to def overweight to morbidly obese neckbeard.

* heh.

* low reps, high weight, lift till you can’t lift any more. Seeing this is a common theme for building confidence among r9k robots and making them normies with gfs and jobs and goals and dreams and such, becoming more masculine. must be the testosterone. I can only support this!

http://pastebin.com/YS9bc4T0

r9k survey thread. demographix and statistix on yer neet buddies.

http://similarminds.com/personality_disorder.html

thinkin i might have Avoidant Personality Disorder and a lot of morally lazy cowardly layabout loser socially awkward autists neets might too!

* you can get some real good ROI playing E-Z Babby‘s First Love Songs on Guitar for Prime of Youth Girls. When I was a Stupid Easy Mode College Student, I pulled better quality with less effort than I ever did in the real world just because I could play 3 chord love songs. I can’t even remember what the song was. Probably Leonard Cohen, Tom Waits, Van Morrison, “My Girl”.

* Use a classical guitar and pluck with your FINGERS, f4gg0t. People are so stupid they forget how much better the classical guitar sounds compared to the other, standard, normalfag, bob dylan type acoustic guitar.

* It can be tricky to sing while playing, but if I can learn how to do it with a little practice, YOU can learn to do it with a little practice.

* You next step will be to take those EZ songs you can play on guitar and then play them on PIANO. This will make you look even MORE Classy, and you can pull a classier tier of dames. Just play the same thing you do on guitar, but play it on piano. NO you don’t need to learn how to read notes. YES you just play random notes in the chord shapes that your hands are in. BOOM instant musician.

* I should give you a list of songs. Basically anything simple and sweet works. Even legitimately GOOD songs by GOOD Musicians like the ones I mentioned above, you don’t need to play CRAP TIER Miley Cyrus Radio Hitz to get girls. You can play sweet Tom Waits songs, even though they’ve never HEARD of Tom Waits and if they actually HEARD Tom Waits they probably wouldn’t LIKE him. But you being there actually playing the song will go a LONG way, baby.

* Not sure if this works on 25 year old girls with masterz degrees and careeeeeerz. probably.

* Don’t play guitar with a PICK, PICKS are for VIRGINS who listen to METAL all day.

* Lift Heavy Weights, do some kind of strength training.

* but if you can’t do that, just know that going outside for a measly 30 minute walk is better than sitting in front of the computer neckbearding. neckbeards never leave the computer, and there you go leaving the computer, breaking the cycle of neckbeard.

* however sometimes it can be impossible when you are of a Certain Age, to even get in the same room with a Cute Girl and a Guitar. That might be the hardest thing. And why the hell would you want to woo unattractive girls.

* r9k “Why did you GIVE UP”

http://pastebin.com/Lmgffw1W

Yep GIVING UP is a common theme in Our Lives. Giving Up about sums it up. Many times over the past few months I have felt like I have Just Already Given Up. I Give Up. I can’t go on. I can’t keep struggling and failing and trying so hard. I can’t even do the Bare Minimum. I have spit in the face of God and Human Dignity and my Family, I don’t deserve Freedom, I don’t want to try to do anything, I just want easy everything, easy work, then work, eat, sleep until I can’t do those things no mo, try not to be an evil person, then die at the end.

Losing the joie de vivre, losing the edge, giving up, losing the fighting spirit, giving up the ghost. YEP I KNOW THAT FEEL BRO. I FEEL YOU.  What’s the point of even trying. You don’t have the energy to try any more. You used up all your trying energy when you were young. Now that you’re old and a failure, you don’t have the energy to start again. Uhhh I will address all this and more starting tomorrow.