welp went to gym yesterday for first time in a while, that was good. so hard to burn even 700 calories hahahaha. the way easier way to lose weight is to just not eat as much. now then youre always hungry but after a while you get more used to it, like your stomach shrinks. but with exercising its so hard to burn 700, 800, 900 calories. and its hard to exercise when you are hungry before you go in there. so the best thing to do is to eat a decent sized meal THEN go exercise. then not eat afterwards. then your net calories in the day is under 700 hahahahaha.
shit if That Woman dumped me in a Good Way, i would STILL be mad and angry and STILL blame myself and STILL overreact. i have done it before. when woman2005 dumped me i didnt really understand what was going on. it did not sink it AT ALL. i didnt accept it. i said welp i will keep trying to hang out with her and make out with her but we will just call it Casual Fun and I will try to get used to the idea that she is probably dating other guys including her x boifran. oh well. call it anything as long as i can still be with her. i didnt understand that she didnt want to be with me AT ALL. i mean i had a REALLY thick skull about it.
and i got more angry at her than i should have, treated her worse than i should have. i dont feel too bad about it though, she became very successful and happy in life hahahaha.
she didnt think i liked her as much as i did, she thought i was over it quickly. but i wasnt hahahaha. also it didnt help that i wore her down so that i got to make out with her a bit more, that made me think There Was A Chance, and that she was evil for Stringing Me Along. when in fact i was just being Pushy and she didnt know what else to do.
i dont blame myself too much because i was young and in luv hahahah and was desperate, would do anything to be with her. share her with other guys, not call it a “relship”, hang out only once every 2 weeks, whatever it took.
i didnt understand that it was really over; i didnt understand that i needed to stay away from her; combine this with not really great communication, and the fact that i saw her and talked to her regularly, and i began to go crazy and hate her, when really i brought a lot of that on myself. well we were both young. but she had a LOT more experience being in Rels and long term rels and short term rels and communicating in rels than i did!!!!!
heh. just because women have TONS more experience in Secs and Relships than you do, dont assume they have TONS of good experience communicating.
i wasnt communicating well either tbh. i was essentially trying to scam her or manipulate her into Being With Me without realizing she was Being With Me. So she could still physically Be With Me and still satisfy whatever bullshit criteria she had where she didnt want a Real Serious Relationship. OK well then i would redefine and manipulate what “relship” meant and what kind of “relship” we had. so i could be with her in some capacity by an means necessary. because i didnt understand what she was telling me. but at least she tried hahahaha. and she was a sneaky little J who had probably been with 10+ guys and had who knows how many Abortions. She was a middle class College Gurl who went to Grad Skool for a Middle Class Career! and i am not talking about online MBA. more like brick and mortar phd.
anyway i just hate how i get such strong feelings for women, then when they dump me, i am SO DEVASTATED i can barely live my life. not that i can barely live my life anyway. but its 10000000 times worse when a woman i am in luv with dumps me!
oh what an idiot i am! i went looking on okcupid for HER and OH LORD I FOUND HER! it said she was online now. i did not say anything hahahaha. but it was not fun seeing the 2 pictures of her or whatever. i also could not see what her answers to questions were. it also said we were 87% enemies.
there was nothing really on there. I WONDER HOW MANY GUYS SHES FOOKED FROM IT hahahaha. prob over 10. what a disgusting degenerate sodomite. why did she reject me hahahahah. why couldnt she just say sorry im not interested. why couldnt she just be interested. why does a 25 year old attractive woman without children need to go on any Dating Site. what kind of guys does she think she is gonna find on here. what kind of women do i think are on here. trashy crazy slutty sodomite women. hehehehe.
she doesnt need to go on okcupid! she can just contact me!
why does she want to get fooked by other guys! she still has UNFINISHED BUSINESS with me!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! she should be too ASHAMED to meet anybody else until she has cleared her conscience with ME!!!!!!!
well i already closed out of the shit. i did not bookmark anything, did not save any pictures, did not copy and paste anything. i just saw we had a high enemy percentage. although i answered a lot of questions falsely to make myself appear like a Dark Triad Narcissistic Alpha Male who was not into Monogamous Relships hahahahaha.
dont go out cruising for new c0k you sodomite degenerate whore! take care of the unfinished business in your life which gives you bad karma and makes you a bad person and not worth dating! hahahaha.
she had boring 2 word blurbs on the main page, i dont want to go back to look at them. i think she said she spend s alot of time thinknig about “the past, the present, and the future.” HA. I HOPE she AGONIZES over the PAST hahahaha. fooks sake, i cant escape it.
so do i feel better or worse, having the stupid goal of looking for her on that…..and finding her? i dunno it wasnt a BIG deal….but its still stupid. wish i had not done it. dont do it again.
really i just looked for white gurls of her exact age who live in her zipcode and found her super easily.
heh. i hope she meets a lot of shitty guys that remind her of how AWESOME i was and how SPECIAL and GOOD our relship was, and how BAD she treated me. and that at the very LEAST, she should APOLOGIZE to me for HURTING me.
uh oh did i see everything i needed to see on the profile? should i go back and look at it again? OF COURSE NOT!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I SHOULDNT HAVE LOOKED AT IT IN THE FIRST PLACE.
amazing and tragic that THATS the person i used to get along with so GOOD. so long ago and getting longer. yet i cant fookin get over it.
but couldnt contacting her give me some information and some answers and some closure hahahahaha and it might HELP me get over her?
yeah or i would just get right back into the shit. pretty sure looking at this profile regularly would be a HORRIBLE idea.
bbbbbbut she was never the type of gurl to use a sleazy dating site!
bbbbbbut she was never the type of gurl who would just GIVE UP on a person like that!
bbbbbbut she was never the type of gurl to take 10000000 cox from degenerate sodomites on a casual sex site hahahaha.
un fookin believable. i hate wimmin hahahaha. fook me i should have NEVER looked at that page. never looked FOR it. DONT DO IT AGAIN.
ok i deleted her thing from my history and made my stupid okc profile more pro-white and 1488 ish hahahahaha. well shit, she will probably see that i visited her profile and then come visit mine, and might be able to figure out its me. hehehehe. i put her on my “HIDE” list so……whatever that means. what if she sends me a message. oh i hope she does hahahahaha.
so now i will unhide her for about a week to see if she visits my profile. cuz you can see who visits your profile. creepy guys like me talking about how much they hate stupid sluts and can YOU pass my tests and meet my uncompromisingly high standardz muhahahahahaha
i would just say, hey i dont appreciate being TALAPOG, that hurt me a LOT, i wish you had shown ME the respect i deserved instead of being too COWARDLY to deal with the situation like an adult.
come on. before you meet other cox you can fook and throw away, have recreational secs and just play with the creation of human life, take care of the shitty things YOU did in YOUR past so you can move forward with a clearer conscience. i hope it eats her alive hahahahahahaha.
have you ever thrown someone away like a piece of garbage?
did they REALLY deserve it? did they REALLY? did they abuse you, cheat on you? did they REALLY betray you? or were you just an immature coward who wanted to avoid confrontation? would rather avoid confrontation and communication than do the right thing regarding a long term relship.
i never did anything like that to anyone! and if i ever came close (i didnt) i APOLOGIZED to them and they said hey no problem, its not as bad as you think. like in 2005 when i felt guilty because i felt i was sorta ignoring some friends in favor of other friends. so later in 2014 i apologized to the people i felt i might have been ignoring and they said what u talkin about, aint no thang.
shit looking at that okcupid thing was a horrible idea. ruined muh day. i was losing sleep thinking about that bullshit even more than usual. so today i deactivated / disabled okcupid, not like i want to meet anyone new anyway, still obsessed with her. addicted to a person. CODEPENDENT.
basically, she would rather throw away something GOOD because she would RATHER have casual secs with sleazy internet sleazbags from okcupid and tinder. she would rather throw me away, a guy who really luved her, to be with a bunch of tattooed pill poppers. that that scum of the earth is better than me. a decent guy who really luved her and would be there for her. just throw that guy out because its funner to make babies with deadbeats. unbelievable.
and SHE refuses to talk to ME! she blocked ME, like i am such a monster, when SHE does these MONSTROUS things! a monster saying that I am too monstrous to talk to HER!!!!!!!!!!
thing is, she’s not any more monstrous than any other average woman.
basically, i want to MATTER to somebody. to a woman i mean hahahaha. i want to MATTER to women like i have MATTERED to some of muh male friends. leave an IMPACT. be someone you never really forget. someone that takes a long time to Get Over. you arent just deleted, forgotten, and replaced. i hate that feeling. even with other women, there was the feeling of: OK im done with you now, id rather meet new guys now.
i try to treat everyone as the special snowflake they are. everyone is unique and special in their own way. i have NEVER been into short term relationships. NEVER. because these are not just pieces of meat or garbage or material, they are living breathing PEOPLE with hopes and dreams and fears and insecurities and talents and gifts and value and worth. you CANT just replace ANYONE. and it bothers me that women have treated me like i was so dispensable, expendable, unimportant. disposable, replaceable. male friends never treated me like that!
its like women dont understand the value of human life! just cycling through a revolving door of people. meeting, fooking, replacing, maybe getting briefly infatuated but never really loving anyone or respecting anyone. no WONDER they can cheat and lie and kill their babies hahaha.
i wonder if women have been duped into thinking that giving up their babies for adoption is actually worse (more immoral) than ABORTION. because they’ve equated adoption with “a mother abandoning her child to a stranger”, and abortion to “a mercy killing of a clump of cells that hasnt had time to become a real human life yet.”
hehehe total MORAL INVERSION. ABSOLUTELY DEGENERATE.
and this is just a sign of the CURRENT Race War: that our WOMEN have been completely RUINED and turned into inhuman monsters. nightmarish hellish doom creatures hahaha. that is what has become of the beauty of the white woman.
there is nothing but a barren crater where my heart once was and it is unlikely i will ever love a woman again. i will likely always hate women. but I will always have love in my heart for my race, and by association, the women of my race. yet i have to accept that 99% of white women are GARBAGE. and i hate seeing the most beautiful, best women in the world, being corrupted and ruined into such disgusting garbage. these should be wives and mothers, raising the next generation of beautiful white children. instead they have become degenerate sodomite garbage worthy of no white man. maybe in a white nation they could function as brood mares. but they are capable of being so much MORE than brood mares. plus the ideal society probably shouldnt even HAVE brood mares, because healthy white families would produce all the white children you need. also it seems unnatural to separate a mother from her children. so how about just abort the children hahahaha.
how about you just show me youre not a MONSTER who does monstrous things to me.
ACKNOWLEDGE that what you did HURT ME and show remorse for that.
maybe show that YOU are in pain too, that this isnt easy for you either. show me that i mattered to you.
because i didnt just lose someone i luved, i lost what i THOUGHT was a good friend. overnight. in the blink of an eye. but Relships just DONT, CANT end that way. you cant just shoot them in the head and theyre dead. its more like you stab them in the heart and they Bleed Out for Months, Dying in Agony. i would take a bullet in the head any day over that! all figurative speaking of course.
to have someone go from Good Friend to NOTHING, just gone from your life forever, overnight.
one day they were a good important friend. next day they are like i dont know you any more i never knew you. go from 100 to 0 overnight. people and relationships JUST DONT WORK THAT WAY, i dont care HOW degenerate and desouled you are.
just treat me as a human being, show that you care i am hurting. show some damn care for me. just TRY not to hurt me excessively. i never tried to hurt her. i never wanted to hurt her. i always showed care and love and kindness and mercy for her, even if i was afraid to blurt out my feelings. but i never THALAPOG. she was very valuable to me and i tried to show her that. i was apparently not very valuable to her, cuz she never tried to show me otherwise.
SHOW ME that i’m valuable to you. TREAT ME like im valuable to you.
i literally could not possibly treat another human being this way.
that shes been hurt before is no excuse!!!!!!!!!! IVE been hurt before and if ANYTHING, it’s reassured me that I WILL NEVER, AS GOD AS MY WITNESS, EVER TREAT SOMEONE THE HORRIBLE WAY I HAVE BEEN TREATED.
if anything, being treated that way yourself should GUARANTEE you will never do the same thing yourself to another person!
so fook that, i dont care how many times other people have hurt her. ITS NO EXCUSE.
you think i ever wanted to hurt her like this? NO! i wanted to be her WHITE KNIGHT and protect her from all harm!
mgtow phaggots mock husbands for “white knighting” for their wives, and not quite understanding that husbands are SUPPOSED to “white knight” for their wives. that in the ideal rel, BOTH people put their spouses on a pedestal. you have chosen this person as one of the most important people in your life. you enter into this special social contract willingly.
now you shouldnt white knight some WHORE who doesnt deserve it…….but i honestly thought she deserved it! no kids, low cok count, appeared to take relships seriously……………………until she met me hahahahahahaha.
i mean i take note of what kind of men they choose and how they treat men. if they are always dumping men , take another cok, lose interest quickly, dump the guy, repeat the process REGULARLY and QUICKLY. always a bad sign. so when i met a woman who had had really only one BF, i thought I had found a woman who was good for me. my ideal woman does not cycle through men like a……….cok carousel hahahaha. it ruins the women and its not really fair to the men either, well, the men like me who still fall in luv, and want a traditional long term monogamous rel.
and its OBSCENE that any woman WOULD want anything BUT a traditional, long term, monogamous rel. okcupid now gives you an option for “monogamous” or “non monogamous.” ABSOLUTELY DISGUSTING.
its OBSCENE that any woman would want ANYTHING BUT a Monogamous Relationship.
THIS is how ruined and destroyed our once-beautiful white women are. this is how white genocide is being committed. this IS a RACE WAR NOW. you could make a strong case for these RACE TRAITORS to go on the day of the rope…….but i am big softie and have an inborn urge to white knight for white women. i dont want to punish even the race traitors. just make them brood mares, harvest their eggs, maybe make them a prostitute caste, or ideally just banish them to live among the nonwhite hordes they love so much more than their own men.
this is how absolutely destroyed our women are. they view non-monogamy as a viable alternative.
honestly. dont want to confront me in person? write me a letter or an email! a long email!
uhhhh well tell her that.
but i cant tell HER ANYTHING because its been too LONG and it would make me LOOK CREEPY. and then im instantly the bad guy because i LOOKED CREEPY. and thats how bitches win every argument and always take the high road (in a low down manner!) by claiming that EVERYTHINGS abuse, EVERYTHINGS betrayal, EVERYTHINGS creepy, EVERYTHINGS weird, EVERYTHING makes them uncomfortable, and the second a woman accuses you of making her feel UNCOMFORTABLE, youre as bad as a Racist Rapist. because you “made” an Emotional Retarded Infant feel Uncomfortable for something shitty THEY did.
hehehehe i hate women even more than stefan molyneux does. yeah well i cant blame him. women are fooking MONSTROUS MONSTERS, who once you think youve seen the depths of their degeneracy and evil, just keep getting worse and worse. from the collective average women, to the individual women that you truly love. will keep finding new and twisted ways to destroy you, and defile themselves.
heh. just try to dump me in a way that isnt gonna make me HATE WOMEN.
really, just dump me in a way that isnt gonna make me hate YOU.
i guess its easier said than done, but…….not really. respond to communication, dont treat it like you holding a persons head underwater until they finally stop thrashing, and just shut up and die already.
ok ok ok well its ok and even good for me to hate HER, but i dont NEED to hate all women, because…..
not all women are like that
not all women are like that
not all women are like that
not all women are like that
not all women are like that.
its funny. i am DESPERATE to believe this mantra, to convince myself that not all women are horrible pieces of shit who will break your heart in the worst ways imagineable………but one of the first “Red Pills” is that, yes, all women ARE like that, or at least 99.9999999% of them are, or that 100% of women Can Easily Become Like That.
i dont care. i just NEED TO BELIEVE that NOT ALL WOMEN ARE LIKE THAT or else i will fooking hate all women hahahaha and i dont WANT to hate all women. white women are the mothers of the white race. and i will gladly White Knight for White Women all day long.
well, the ones that arent monstrous degenerates, sodomites, race traitors, non monagamous. the .0000000000001% who Arent Like That hahahahaha.
but it IS easier for women to replace men. how hard you think it is for her to find a gainfully employed, somewhat handsome, charming man who wont abuse or cheat on her? they are LINING UP to meet her on tinder and okcupid.
meanwhile, how hard do you think it will be for me to find a young, attractive, low number, no children, easy to get along with woman? super hard! i still find it hard to believe i ever met HER! and that i got along with her so well, instantly! and i never thought it would end this way.
not all women are like that!
i dont WANT all women to be like that.
i dont WANT to hate all women!
its PATHETIC to hate all women!
plus i KNOW not all women are like that!
one of the only things that gives me hope is that Woman2012 The Asexual is not like that, she did not treat me like that, she gave a MASTER COURSE in how to reject a man politely and I will Forever Respect her for the way she rejected me hahahahaha.
and she didnt need to experience 100000 cox to learn how to do it. she just Empathized, and thought of how she wanted to be treated, and probably talked to her Father whom she had a good rel with, and he said, welp, rejection is never fun, and a proper woman like my daughter should not be a huge cvnt when rejecting guys unless they are like harrassing her, in which case i the father will intervene with my sidearm.
but yeah these fatherless gurls are just a mess. i should have stayed far away. but no. i was happy that she didnt have the NORMAL daddy issues of being a huge whore. so she ended up having the OTHER daddy issues of she abandons good men and is loyal only to men who dont love her. im talking about That Person.
wwwwwwhat if i had just gotten her pregnant? used a baby to trap her in a life that would ultimately be good for me, good for her, good for the white race?
well she might have just aborted the child anyway; dumped me anyway; i could have gone crazy and K’d myself because i cant take care of a white child; and also she WOULDNT EVEN HANG OUT WITH ME, how the hell was i supposed to get her pregnant. she’d rather hang out with pill popping neck tattoo types on tinder, diseased players, and get diseases from them, than hang out with worthless ol me. boo hoo.
more fun to get diseases from random trashy guys, than to hang out with a guy she knows and can trust and who has her best interests in mind and used to respect her before she treated him LAPOG.
hey she COULD trust me. i never did anything to hurt her. i luved her. i would have been there for her good times and bad.
but she left me in the LURCH when i needed her the MOST.
no SHIT im insecure about women leaving me:
BECAUSE THEY LEAVE ME WHEN I NEED THEM THE MOST!!!!!!!!!!
WHO WOULDNT BE INSECURE ABOUT THAT!!!!!!!!??????
thats why i hate women who hate insecure guys. because if a PERSON is insecure about something…..THEY USUALLY HAVE A DAMN GOOD REASON FOR IT.
they have Abandonment Issues because their father abandoned them as a child.
they have abandonment issues because they had 5 husbands who left to go get a pack of cigarettes and never came back.
they have abandonment issues BECUASE THEY WERE ABANDONED!!!!
women2004 and 2005 i am 100% over, i really never KNEW them. we rushed through all the stages of a rel and none of it was real. it took me like 2 years to get over them which was too long, but i never really knew them. nothing real there. just a rushed-through simulation that left me hanging.
anyway That Person, i actually KNEW her, for YEARS, so that makes that hard. when you lose a good friend of years because they simply decide they dont want to respond to you ever again. its MIND BOGGLING. theres no way your mind and heart COULD be prepared for something SO UNNATURAL.
you dont throw your friends away like garbage.
well she would say thats what I did when i got feelings. well shes WRONG. i wanted to change the friendship, i was aware that things were changing, but….that didnt change the past and history and friendship we had. that was established. that was THERE. you just CANT swipe it away in one flush. she seems to think you can. i know that you cant. cuz when SHE tried to flush me away with one flush, well i felt pain for months and months. obsessive agonizing pain every day.
THAT is how a normal person feels when their friend is taken away from them.
i didnt REVOKE our friendship on the spot my getting feelings.
if anything, she TRIED to revoke our friendship on the spot by TMALAPOG and refusing to talk to me about it.
I was willing to reconcile. she was NOT willing to reconcile. therefore we had irreconcilable differences….all because of her.
she literally tried to revoke our friendship on the spot. I knew it couldnt be done. there were fooking ROOTS there, you cant just tear up years of roots without shitloads of pain.
also if she was feeling any pain, i would have liked to know it was painful for her. i wanted her to share this pain with me, let me know this was hard for her too. of course she denied me that too.
appreciate that i am a human being with feelings and had Deep Roots with you and you CANT just throw me away. acknowledge the pain.
and here i am like an idiot neet because i can deal with getting my heart broke, and she is over me and wants to get fooked by tyrone and chad and billy bob and dewayne.
i honestly think she is scared of being really LOVED by a man, and i had loved her more than any man ever had before, including her long term boifran, including her own FATHER, so…..that scared her away like the deer or rabbit that runs away from the slightest rustling.
and she was that scared deer. but she let me get close to her before she ran away. so when she ran away she left me completely heartbroken.
they make a MOCKERY of humanity and human relationships! who LIKES being RUSHED through a SIMULATION of relships, then discarded and replaced? no one SHOULD like this! They should say, this is ABSOLUTELY DISGUSTING and an ABOMINATION to turn a beautiful human relationship into DEGENERATE SODOMY like this. and treat HUMAN BEINGS just as clumps of parasite cells that you abort willy nilly.
women2004 and 5 treated me better in the rejection…..but they still rushed through the Relationship Simulator in an Absolutely Disgusting Way; even if you are The Rejector and not the REjected, i cant imagine how its PLEASANT to go through Fake Phony Relationships like that repeatedly! are these women even human beings????!?!?!?!?!
every time i get close to a woman i get heartbroken and have to ask myself that fundamental question: is this even a human being, or some kind of of evil lizard? CRAB PEOPLE?
i dunno. in comparison to This Woman, Those Women treated me better in the dumping, although the actual rels themselves were much shittier. never had such a good rel end so badly.
its not theoretically a betrayal. see even i as the Conquered, have enough insight to see its not REALLY a BETRAYAL per se, while she goes off thinking i betrayed her, i abused her, i was weird to her, whatever the fook she thinks, which i will never know.
NOBODY likes to be abandoned. its a PRIMAL FEAR for EVERYONE. so if some bitch gives you a shit test, just be like, so YOU like being abandoned? didnt think so. EVERYONE has abandonment issues because abandonment is a BAD thing like cancer. what, you have cancer issues too baby? rape issues?
ABANDONMENT IS INHERENTLY BAD and NOBODY likes it.
now i understand that you can be in a rel, and be SO AFRAID that your BF/GF will leave you……that you push them away and they LEAVE you. because they cant do enough to so you can trust them.
but if they leave you without making an effort, and were clearly no invested in the rel…..then you couldnt trust them anyway!!!!
i mean when they dont give you ANYTHING to show they are invested. its not like she was doing a lot and i was STILL doubting her. She was doing NOTHING and I was saying yes I know we can work this out baby, we can do it! our friendship is strong enough to survive! lets just communicate!
i pushed her away with “weirdness” that was really just me WANTING TO HANG OUT WITH HER. WE NEVER FOOKING HUNG OUT ANY MORE. and when someone stops being WILLING to hang out with you, that rel is OVER.
i wasnt coming at her and accusing her of abandoning me. i was just saying please hang out with me, i miss hanging out wiht you.
so yeah i can understand people can get pushed away if you always suspect them of being about to abandon you.
but what if they are always distant to you and never want to hang out with you and dont show love to you and they DO abandon you?
and then you contact them and say please dont do it like this, please help me get a LITTLE more closure, please dont throw me away like a piece of garbage…..and in response, they BLOCK you!!!! basically reject your request to be treated like a human being. DAMN. youre just asking for a little respect, and they say FOOK NO to your request. what the hell do you do there. well you just try to forget the person and get over them, they obviously were not good for you hahahahaha.
but its fookin HARD. when you really LUV a person!