YOU DONT NEED TO FOOK 10 GUYS TO LEARN WHAT YOU DONT WANT

sept 12

ok. go to sears and MAYBE kohls to get t shirts.

go to jcpenney or sears for pants and shoes.

get wrangler khakis/chinos and wrangler jeans.

try to Hem your own Pant Legs at like 28 inches hahahahahahahhahaha manlet 4 lyfe.

i am not sure what exactly chinos means.

it would be really sad if the BEST woman I can find is one who is totally not into me.

i just hate how women GET OVER men so quickly. like in a few weeks tops, theyve already forgotten about you and are FOOKING other men.

i say its not REAL feelings unless it takes you at LEAST a YEAR of celibacy to get over the person.

of course i should go on okcupid and tinder and look for disgusting fatherless white trash whores to bang!!!!!! its been over a YEAR! you think a WOMAN would wait over a YEAR to start fooking new coch? fook no! in most cases they are taking new coch in a few WEEKS!!!!!

would this all be easier to deal with if i had some FWB slut? YES, PROBABLY!

yes that is degenerate, but look at the long term goal: better relations with women, more confidence with women, better chance at pulling GOOD women, and more confidence in the short term too!

who needs hookers when you have normie western sluts?

i mean it would SUCK if That Woman was the best woman I ever experienced. Technically Woman2012 was a better woman than her: lower n, and absolutely no relship experience, better family, much better father, generally conservative and moral minded, no MJ, etc.

heh there is a TRS forum user who actually lives in my exact town, and is a mid 40s woman. unbelievable. should i meet up with her and see if she is a MILF hahahahaha? i mean lets say she is in the LATER 40s.

yeah i would totally bang a milf but i wouldnt want to Mongo Date a Milf! want to date a 25 year old YOUNG woman and have CHILDREN!!!!!!

(not that 25 is super young, but its around the youngest I could pull realistically, and it was around the age That Woman was too. i mean she is getting older now of course hahahaha. )

also, rest assured that I would not DEFILE a woman who had not already been defiled. I would always used the Campsite Rule. Besides I know it’s all Muh Dick Ingra-ness and I dont want to go too far down that road. but I really do want some positive attention from women, to feel like I have something that is attractive to some women at least, and that i am at least desirable enough to Bang Sluts!!!!!!

but not a degen amount of sluts. just a few. less than average. average is TOO degen.

well this moron thinks she looks great obese so…..i was hoping she was “just” a bit overweight and he wanted her to lose some weight

update

ghghgh

she is by OP’s admission “much bigger” than mindy kaling, that fat streetshitter pig hahahaha. hahaha no mindy kaling isnt THAT fat, shes just super annoying and obnoxious.  yeah i would probably bang her too.

anyway i just want to emphasize that i knew shit was going downhill with that woman, but i did NOT expect the falling out to happen the way it did. I completely expected she would respond to communicate with me in some way, probably by bitching at me like i was the bad guy hahahahaha. i did NOT expect what happened AT ALL. was really caught off guard there.

ok time to listen to arcturus

we are all overly familiar with this album, well i only ever knew 2 or 3 songs off it, and I was looking for something with hellhammer’s drum playing where his drum sound was not all overproduced as fook and you could actually appreciate his skills as a very skillful human drummer. who does not look like a norwegian at all hahahahahaha.

i dont think mayhem is the best vehicle for him so im glad he plays in 9000000 other bands. im not sure what would be the best vehicle for him. i think he would have been a good match for emperor post-faust.

anyway maybe i jsut hate women. well i admitted i was in a women hating phase! i listend to that crusader girl and i didnt really like her. i dont want to be LECTURED to by some 17 year old twit hahahahaha. im old enough to be your father. dont bitch about your parents being “cucks”, i dont care if they are. and yeah it does sound unladylike when you swear. and yeah your voice sounds like a bitchy dumb 17 yo gurl.

then i listened to nationalist review wsg evalion and i had the same issues with HER. i dont like that cutesy wutesy kawaii type girly voice. but is this just NORMAL for 17 year old gurls?

they sound like CHILDREN!

but these children fook MEN in totally degen ways!!!

and it seems kinda perverted to fook gurls who seem like CHILDREN!

I never thought I’d hear ME say this, me who prefers Younger Women!

either way, i could not determine whether i just hate all women…..or these two alt right racist women had some quality about them which i did not like.

but that’s true! they just came across as dumb, obnoxious, annoying, rude, immature, and unlikable!!!!!!!!!!!

So is that what ALL WOMEN are like?

And no i dont think these traits are associated with racist alt right women, just rather just with young, immature, possibly crazy, narcissistic women.

That Woman did not annoy me like that. She had a somewhat squeaky voice but it sounded nice and she didnt have that annoying Vocal Fry which 50% of women have and makes them sound like idiot sluts.

so do women in general just trigger me? maybe. that i cant even stand to hear them talk without getting triggered and annoyed?

Well I listen to real life women talking pretty much every week and it doesnt really TRIGGER me!!!!

ok nicolas cage has a son named weston who was the singer of a black metal band called “eyes of noctum” where hellhammer played drums on their album hahahahahahaha

i dunno. when i went on my big social thing last week there was a lot of women there and i got kinda annoyed at the obnoxious things they said and though JEEZ thank GOD Im not married to THEM! I wouldnt want to be!

then they later said things or I had a small talk with them and I was like, well, they’re really not that bad after all. so, its really hard to tell when you are not actually talking to the women. in other words, if i were to actually talk to evalion or crusader girl grace, i might actually like them moar. but i am not going to be talking to them in person anytime soon!

also, men don’t  really need you to do that.

took one half a dose of nyquil. i determined that full dose is just too much, simply because you are sluggish for 24 fookin hours. so i figure half dose, 12 hours, that should be good enough.

so yeah. i dunno these girls just dont seem really NICE. I want a gurl to be NICE and these gurls seem bitchy. thats really all there is too it. they seem bitchy and narcissistic. i am a total narcissist, but i will tell you straight up, and also i know its bad.

also anyone who puts their face out their on the internet and sayd 1488 heil hitler gtkrwn, ummmmmm that is a signal about their level of cautiousness. I prefer women who are more cautious rather than less cautious. what ELSE is she not being CAUTIOUS about?

its GOOD for women to be CAUTIOUS!!!! err on the side of caution!!!!!!

most men who get into 1488 show caution!!!!!!

BE CAUTIOUS ABOUT SHOWING YOUR FACE!!!!!

I have listened to HOURS of men talking, but I have never seen their faces, and I am very ok with that! Fatherland Jim and Bradan, 7th Son, K1ke Enoch, No1 Ryan. I want them to hide their faces so they can provide for their families. people who show their faces are usually a little bit more of a LOOSE CANNON.

unless they are like anglin or weev, who i think have earned the privilege to show their faces. or Woes.

But Evalion or Crusader Gurl are NOTHINGGGGGG like Anglin, Weev, or Woes!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

George Feels shows his face……..but he doesnt talk about 1488. I think he is sympathetic to the Alt Right, tho. but he’ll never talk about 1488 and i don’t expect him too.

so, in short, I think there is a personality thing about THESE WOMEN that I don’t like…….not some kind of blanket hate I have for All Women, always.

spet 13

ok gotta get with the program here. honestly. got to get back on the horse and jobsearching. got to get to 500 jobs, 25 interviews.

it doesnt matter if i hate all women. even total woman haters need to get jobs hahahahaha.

also, i was kind of a woman hater when i became friends with her. i was joking, yeah i am a total woman hater, i dont usually get along with women this well, so you must be special. i wasnt entirely joking! but the women i get along with dont believe such a NICE GUY like me can be a woman hater hahahahaha.

ok. so what would make me satisfied for today re job apps. 5? 10?  theoretically, if i cant do like 32 apps a day, then i am totally worthless bum.  sheeeeeeeit i think my max is 8.

ok lets aim for 4.

ok got the 400th job in. i think i was scared of this auspicious number. so i blew it on an inauspicious job, a 13 dollar data entry job for durable medical equipment benefits management company hehehehehe. that prob wont call me hahaha.

ok. 3 more.

slavros the founder of iron march is an asian looking UZBEK? i cant even hahahahaha. i do not need this right now. well thats just want encyclopedia dramatica says. but just because i disagree wtih ED ideologically, does that mean they dont do accurate investigative reporting??!?!?!?!! so what if he IS an uzbek!

should i apply to a job at a J00ISH social services place? i mean it literally has the word J00ISH in its name. I am surprised they are located where they are located. I think this location serves mainly poor blacks hahahaha. do i really want to do this? but its super close by.

ok applied at the J))ISH place. OY VEY. that was the 401st. the 6,000,001st hahahahahaha. i mean i am gonna be a wagie for the K1KES anyway. slaving all day, white cattle for the K!KES.

some autists say that ABA therapy is “ABUSE” and cannot qualify that any further, in that smug tone like if you NEED it explained, youre a privileged white idiot. if you need it explained how you benefit from white privilege, you are part of the problem, not the solution. its not my job to educate you! educate YOURSELF!!!!!!! i spend my time fighting oppression, not educating privileged people!!!!!

i bring this up because i see ABA jobs all the time and i think, hmm, maybe i should get into that. i can relate to AUTISTS. I am almost autistic myself!!!!!

ok applied to the ABA job. there was a really really cute gurl on the website that was a staff member. cute fookin gurls who get psychology and social work degrees. i have a similar useless degree but i never Aggressively Pursued Graduate work in the field.

the gurl staffer they showed on the website was so qt that i could easily fall in luv with a coworker like that hahahahaha.

but if she was already attached, and the good ones all are, i guess it really wouldnt matter, because i dont interfere with good relships. if it were a bad relship i would encourage her to dump him and get with me.

anyway. i just hate being destroyed in muh heart, as well as having her humiliate me in my working life as well. she is making good money and moving up, i am struggling to get back into damn 20k a year no benefits jobs at the org where i first met HER four damn years ago!!!!!!!!

i have had at least 3 interviews with various depts at this org and nothing. all damn 11-12 dollar part time jobs. yes i already asked my actual previous employer for my old job back and no response there, and i am not gonna beg them any more, so i am looking at the other many departments in this org.

heh. meeting her set me back FOUR YEARS of my life hahahahahahahahahaha. i wish i had never met her!

i hate people who move forward instead of backward hahahahaha.

we shouldnt even be competing against WOMEN at the WORKPLACE anyway. but we have to because j00s. i just hate when i am humiliated at the workplace by a woman and a woman i was once close with totally PWNS me work wise: respect, money, status, stress.

i can honestly say i wish i never met her. four years of muh life WASTED. LOST 4EVER. She can’t say the same about the guy she was in a LTR with for 4 years. They had a good rel for a while, she experienced a lot of firsts, it went through the Real Relship Life Cycle (NOT the 20X speed Fast Forward Simulator!!!!), it ran its course, learned a lot of things, and semi amicably go their separate ways. also he benefited HER career by getting her the job, and she is taking that job to the next level. he benefited her life in a permanent way in that way. also I think SHE encouraged him and supported him to get some education/training so he could get his job in the first place.

its so weird seeing women asking for advice on how to work things out. why didnt they just walk away at the first sign of difficulty and say UGH. this is too much. Im out of here. Its hard for me to imagine a woman who doesn’t want to walk out at the first sign of difficulty.  and she stood by him when he was getting difficult.

but i can honestly say i wish i never met her, she left no permanent benefit on my life, it WASNT nice knowing her. well it WAS, but now that HAUNTS me, as something I had once, and can never get back.

its just not good for the confidence to be never given a CHANCE. there has literally never been a woman who wanted more than a short term fling with me. the idea of long term rel with me makes them recoil in horror and disgust.

i listened to some more evalion and i just dont like that super girly voice. you can have a high pitched woman voice and not sound like THAT. and the laughing. the way these women LAUGH at things trigger me. it just makes me think of them being cheats and liars and phonies, just totally making a FOOL out of some foolish guy whos in luv with her. HURTING guys and breaking hearts. that’s what I hear in their Phony Voices!!!!!!!

i didnt get any of that bad shit from her though. she really did have something i really liked. when she laughed and talked, it didn’t sound like that.

but some women are like, yeah im not IN luv with him any more, but i luv him and he’s muh best friend and i want to dump him but i dont want to hurt him because he’s such a good guy and i dont want to break his heart. i wish she had thought that way about me!!!!!!!!! i dont want to break his heart because i Luv Him As A Person, but I just can’t do that kind of rel! hey that would have been SWEET. AWESOME.

i still get angry at the hospital who called me in for the part time 12 dollar job and then cut the interview off right in the middle of the first question. come on. am i really THAT impressive? I guess people can tell that I “sound smart” right away. I sound a hell of a lot smarter than THAT WOMAN, who sounds kinda STUPID, yet shes moving up and im moving down. FOOK.

yet i dont sound smart in any way thats beneficial to me, ie getting me a job. dont you want smart people? sure, but they also dont want weirdos with a huge gap. so push this guy outta here with flattery of how smart he is.

well, it IS important to me that I am smart, because I WANT to be thought of as smart, so the flattery kind of works…..but i also am sick of doing 18.5 interviews and just want a goddamn job already!

and then i can worry about not going crazy and being able to stay Mentally Tough enough to keep the job for a year hahahahahaha.

 

see this woman is thinking about “GHOSTING” this guy but I think it would probably be warranted because he sounds like a POS who is lying to her and still in luv with his ex gf from 5 years ago hehehehe.

i didnt do anything like this! i just had the Gall to Get Feelings!

just treat me like a damn human being! thats all! treat the guys you dump and cheat on and throw away like human beings!!!!! thats all i ask!!!!! take them serious as serious, real human beings!!!!!

heheheh well at least i applied for 6 jobs today and going for a 7th. it tends to make me angry and upset about Jobs….and also about her too hahahahaha. lose lose. lose lose lose lose lose situation.  people who only have lose lose sitations are PRIVILEGED, probably white privilege hahaha. dfdf

dfdfdf

see SHE is getting hung up on HIM, overanalyzing the why, and is upset because shes been doing this for 4 months. hehehehe. try a YEAR. well im glad it actually bothers her at ALL and she hasnt jumped on new dick within 4 months. that makes her better than 90% of women ahhahaahhaha.

how many STUPID MISTAKES does a person need to make? basically fooking 10 guys during college because you were young and immature and didnt know what you wanted.

DID YOU REALLY NEED TO FOOK 10 GUYS TO LEARN THAT? WHY NOT JUST 2 OR 3?

I learned a lot of valuable lessons and i didnt even FOOK the women! Also, some of the women were Good, Decent women who would have been Great for me……..they just didnt want to be with me, so it never started.

I didnt need to BANG 10 SLUTS to figure out what i wanted, if a person was a good or bad fit.

so why did your slut gurl have to bang 10 chads in her early 20s???????

THEY DIDNT!!! PUMP AND DUMP THE SLUT!!!!!!!

YOU DONT NEED TO ADD 10 SECS PARTNERS TO DISCOVER WHO IS AND IS NOT BAD FOR YOU!!!!

you really dont even need to add ONE, but I will tolerate 2 or 3 “mistakes.”

SOMEONE WHO MAKES A MISTAKE TEN TIMES DOES NOT REALLY LEARN FROM MISTAKES WELL!!!!

IF YOU MADE THE SAME MISTAKE TEN TIMES AT A JOB, YOU’D BE FIRED!!!!!!!!!!

so yeah i hate when women make excuses for other women to be huge sluts from 18 to 25. you dont need to fook TEN guys. and in many cases more.

 

IT IS LIKE LOSING A CHILD

make sure the apr 15 post is done

sept 9

sheeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeit.

ok took some nyquil, full 30 mL, at 6.15pm.

i just wanted to know what she wanted me to take away from this. in other words, did she WANT to hurt me? yes or no? And that I can’t tell. well at least i can say i didn’t deserve fookin painful revenge like that. but i want to know if she wanted to hurt me or not. normal people dont want to hurt anyone.

once again, the simplest explanation is the best: she didnt REALLY WANT to hurt me, but she just took the path of least resistance. least resistance. we already knew she didnt like trying or putting in effort.

heh. did you WANT to HURT me? the only time i ever wanted to hurt anyone was when some gurl totally broke my heart and then went on to enjoy her life of being a carefree fun luving slut, and i still sorta saw them sometimes. i wanted them to feel a little bit of the pain i was feeling, to be more remorseful for breaking muh heart. i wanted whatever chad THEY luved, to break THEIR heart.

yeah i guess i felt that for her too. but it was never really strong hate or anything. just sadness and disappointment and oh god my life is over. i didnt want to K myself but I did feel there was nothing to live for hahahahaha. one of the most important people in muh life was gone forever.

the other day i was watching die hard 1 on tv and i was like sheeeeeeeeeeeit its SHAMEFUL that I never really sat down and watched this all the way thru, because this is a CLASSIC that I can TOTALLY understand how people have watched it HUNDREDS of times and is their favorite Action Thriller of All Time. People have seen it 100s of times, can recite every line, every movement, and I totally see why. yet i had never even seen it ONCE.  i mean i had seen bits and pieces of course. but the whole movie beginning to end? nope. and that is a SHAME. that is SAD.

of course it is totally the type of movie i would luv to watch while cuddling with a waifu. like that woman. do i want to cuddle and watch die hard with this woman? or am i indifferent? i better not be!

sept 10

hmm i am wondering if i should officially lower my price to 12 dollars an hour hahahaha. probably yes.

heh. i think nyquil on friday is much better than nyquil on saturday. because now i will be ready to Job Search like a maniac on monday hahahaha.

hmmm i didnt realize nick caves 15 year old son had died and that is basically the reason for his harrowing new album “skeleton tree”. i was fortunate enough to see cave live in 2014 and that was just wonderful, awesome, unforgettable, very special, type of thing you ideally want to share with someone special although i was more than happy to go alone hahahaha. i was pretty indisposed during 2015 and didnt even know his son had died. basically tripping on ACID and he fell off a CLIFF. jeez.

of course he is very private and was not giving interviews, just had this album and an accompanying movie, and i guess both are really intense, as you might imagine. yeah that is really tragic. yeah that will take a few years to get over yikes. supposedly caves father dying when he (nick) was 19 had a YUGE impact on his life, and i have no doubt this will also have a huge impact on him. lot of pain and grief and loss to deal with. but at least he has an attractive faithful wife for the past 17 years hahahahahahahahaha.

i dunno. nick cave is just a great one of a kind guy, and he doesnt need any more grief. but i wish he gave like regular sermons on morality so i could ascertain exactly how degenerate he is hahahahaha. because i suspect he is quite nondegenerate. although he prob was back in his youth. drugs and sluts and shit. but now he is deep and good and possibly religious!

and yeah the concert was fantastic, him as a 57 year old man, didnt matter, whole band (seeds) was electrifying. totally awesome. glad to have been privileged to see that show. definite bucket list shit there. for sure. probably wont ever see them again. but really should if i get the chance.

heh. it is kind of like me losing HER. that is how pure and giving muh love was. totally unconditional. like the love you have for your child. and then they are just ripped out of your life one day. like cave says, you are changed whether you like it or not. you are instantly a different person. you dont even know how to relate to yourself any more. we dont like change, which is fine, but what do you do when life changes you instantly and permanently? you are in a state of confusion, and I guess this new album captures this confusion and uncertainty very well. he is just LOST.

and you just cant replace your son the way you replace lovers. oh youll find someone better. oh i guess it wasnt meant to be. nope. never gonna happen here. you just have to live with that Huge Hole In Your Heart and Life.

so maybe I should listen to this album, maybe it could help me hahahaha.

album

and its less than 40 minutes, not some 80 minute bloated monstrosity, even better.

movie trailer. i guess a lot of it was filming shortly after his son died. YIKES. INTENSE GRIEF AND PAIN.

but yeah that is totally how i would describe my loss hahahahahah. when you get dumped people tell you to get over it and she wasnt the one and oh well guess it wasnt meant to be. well instead, show them this film and when they are Numb and Crying at the end, see if they would say that shit to you hahahahaha.

so yeah thank u nick cave for explaining to the world that MY grief and loss is like Losing A Child, hehehehehehe.

so you say thats inappropriate, you can never luv your waifu like you luv your child.

well i say who are you to say that. i say ok fine its not exactly, but it is much more similar than you think! unconditional, abiding, long lasting, it never truly dies, its there thru thick and thin, good times and bad. its not some passing phase, cant be replaced.

you have this numb and confused look on your face like nick cave hehehehe. but you are not numb all the time. sometimes youre numb, many times you are confused and sad and devastated and dont know how youre going to adapt to this Big Life Change. when someone is such a big part of your life, than when they leave, YOU CHANGE.  IT CHANGES YOU and you didnt WANT to be changed like this.

now, all the people that have lost children are gonna be offended. ok fine. i guess losing your waifu is not AS bad. but it’s CLOSER to losing a child, than it is to losing some meaningless, forgettable, disposable, replaceable piece of meat on the carousel of meat. its not some passing phase.

dont tell me she was just a disposable replaceable piece of meat to me by saying i should get over her quickly!

of course i would like her to feel that i was important to her too.

i think i was for a while…..but then that ended. it was just a phase hahahaha. she didnt luv me like she would luv her child. of course, many women can make excuses to K their own children! i cant even fathom!

https://bu.reddit.com/r/relationships/comments/5213un/my26f_ex28m_ghosted_and_now_is_happy_with_someone/

https://bu.reddit.com/r/ExNoContact

heh i wish she DID give me “BREADCRUMBS!” because that would mean she still cared, and maybe there was a CHANCE, and would let me bang her HARD, and that would prob be enough to make her fall in luv with me! breadcrumbs means shes giving you a CHANCE, WILLING to talk or hang out or do SOMETHING!

MANY normies just dont understand No Contact. when we autists try no contact, THEY contact US and be like oh i havent talked to you in a while.

i guess i was just kinda shocked to see that she was so willing to do no contact as well.

lots of guys threaten to K themselves too. dont leave me or ill K muh self! this is about the worst thing you could do, it makes you the bad guy, an abuser, a manipulator, a sneaky pathetic little J. I am SO glad I never did that. It’s about on par with stalking in the Creeper Checklist.

I mean I don’t think these things are so creepy, i mean you are just expressing the intense pain you are feeling!

i mean when you are being dumped you cant think straight! you can’t really intentionally manipulate someone!!!! you just act reflexively! you make nothing but impaired decisions on anything! your mind is completely fooked up! sheeeit you might just K yourself! right in front of her hahahaha. but you probably wouldnt hurt her hehehehe.

anyway i am SO GLAD that the creepiest thing I did was just write an email. Begging for communication. really that wasnt creepy AT ALL. so I am grateful for that. I could have been a LOT creepier. but instead I was well behaved and wasnt creepy at ALL.

i was pathetic sure. beeta. omeega. please respond. please dont throw me away like a piece of garbage. please try to be a little nicer to me, please dignify our friendship and tell me i meant anything to you and that you dont WANT to hurt me. acknowledge muh pain please. please end this better.

but no stalking, no threats hahahaha. i mean i had some “dark thoughts” sure. thank GOD I dont get those any more!

was in church and there was like an 18 year old gurl at the oldest a few rows ahead of me. she was kinda chubby and potatoey but she had a very cute nice face and hair and this honestly nullified all the potatoeyness. she was there with her father who himself was pretty soft and potatoey but seemed like a nice guy. i hope she doesnt become a slut. i thought about Asking Her Out in the middle of church, or maybe asking her father. for permission to date his 17 year old daughter hahahahaha. GREAT.

but yeah theres the Protector and Provider sense.  in a way you are like their new father, and they are like your child that you protect and provide for. so thats partially why its like losing a child. a child that you fook hard like some kind of porno slut hahahahaha.

no contact. WOMEN, never fook or suck a man unless it would take you two full years of No Contact to Get Over Him. thats how serious you must be about the man.

went for 2.8 mile powerwalk, listened to that new nick cave album, not really a fun listen, there are no real song type songs on it, really just kinda like poems with atmospheric ambient background music, like his previous album pushed towards that extreme. no catchy hit songs.

 

hehehehehehe

lot of good stuff here, i know his feels all too well, except he is younger and has more experience and is gonna have a sweet engin degree soon hhahahaah.

 

NO CONCEPT OF SPACE

for weds the 12th of april

sept 6 2016

At Taco Bell, we’re hungry for Mas. Mas Heart, Mas Flavor and Mas Value. If you want Mas in your life read on!
Think About it…

Do you know how to inspire and engage? Do you make others smile easily?

When you say thank you do you mean it?

Are you a foodie? Do you know what it takes to make awesome food?

Do you love your team like you love your family?

Do you know what it means to create a 5 star customer experience?

Do you take your work seriously but not yourself?

Are you a proud mama or papa when your team achieves success?
If no, your career aspiration with Taco Bell has died here.

HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA

ultimately this is actually sad and horrifying but my initial reaction is indignant, contemptuous laugter. but THERE FOR THE GOD GO I. and I must pray that I never reach the point where I would write a job desc like that and wholeheartedly believe it.

got back from big 2-3 day social event, most social i have been in a very long time. still trying to process. kinda overwhelming really, but ultimately very good and glad i did it. good thing for me to do, glad to be invited. was just faced with my own insecurities and issues: somewhat with my own personal failures but what i wanted to explore was my complete failure to communicate and connect with people while I was under the influence of MJ.

yes there were a lot of MJ partakers up there, i kinda expected that, and i said i would partake a LITTLE bit, and indeed i did, for the first time after like a year of abstinence. got an interesting reaction there that pretty much confirmed that i should not do that in a social situation ever. because yeah it makes it absolutely impossible for me to follow or understand or contribute to any conversation, which is very frustrating and also bad for the confidence. other people do not seem to have this problem, but i sure do. so i was careful to just have one puff at a time with large space in between, often PASSING on the MJ as it went around!

and STILL a couple time i went a bit over the line where my mind was completely blown and blazed, and really all it takes is just ONE extra puff which will then totally overwhelm you 20 minutes later and you will feel like a retarded idiot child hhahahahahaha. not fun when trying to communicate with successful adults with good careers, wives, children, etc.

of course there was no judgement happening whatsoever, except by me!

oh man. LOT of stuff to cover. i mean the thoughts that were going on in muh head at the time.

like i want to examine the idea of SPACE and, well when I was blazed a few days ago, I thought DAMN I really didnt understand the concept of SPACE at all, I totally invaded her SPACE like a WEIRDO badman, god damn I was such an idiot who has no idea how to deal with women and rels, i have no concept of this stuff, its SOO BADDDDD, I am hopeless, I can’t believe I fooked it up SO BAD without even intending, to be SO incompetent and wrong, so yeah so STRONG self blaming there, she was RIGHT to react the way she did, she was RIGHT to throw me away, she was RIGHT to never respond to me.

or thoughts of ulterior motives, like yeah, this is just what happens. you might not HAVE ulterior motives but theres NO WAY you are gonna convince the woman of that! It’s simply impossible in that situation! so i need to get over my desire to want to have her understand I did not have ulterior motives. because she never will understand that. never ever. but yeah i dont like being remembered that way.

and when i was blazed, yeah the self blame and self recrimination was just horrible. stream of constant negative thoughts in a multitude of ways. many diff kinds of negativity hahahaha.  in other words I should never do MJ EVER!!!!!

thankfully i did not flip out and have a panic attack or anything, but im sure a few more puffs and i would have been much closer to that! I already felt like a total WEIRDO and outsider and just inferior in every way!

so why do I like this junk again??!!?!?!!!??!!?!??

because it makes MUSIC better and because its ok in “groups” of TWO or smaller hahahahaha.

ITS NOT WORF IT M8!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

cuz I GUARANTEE there would still be SOME kind of stream of negative thoughts. doubts and fears and blame and recriminations. even if I were alone or with 1 other person. I know from experience, its more than a guarantee, it has happened!

so, if i get more terrible neg thoughts in general when partaking, even in the best of “set and setting”….then why even do it at all?

I could literally, measurably, noticeably communicate and talk to other people better socially when not under the influence. i just had a damn controlled trial 2 days ago. i noticed a definite difference!

yeah it was overwhelming, but in no way did the anxiety when partaking the MJ ruin the overall event. overall, it was mind blowingly fantastic and positive, the most positive social event for a long time.

but when i got done i was more exhausted than I have been in a long time, even more my usual low energy self, but this time was even more extreme, and i slept for 16 straight hours. unbelievable. could not even be awake. and the sleep was pretty solid too. i really needed it hahahahaha.

so now I am trying to wake up from that, drinking some coffee, still feel a little bit “post MJ” and not sure if that is the MJ or just that my body and mind were exhausted and id been asleep for 16 hours hahaha. prob the latter.

so now i can start really processing everything and that of course is a big mission of this blog hahaha. me processing shit. with 10% of that maybe helping the reader hahahahahahahahahahahahaha.

anyway. yeah at some points i felt ASHAMED of my total failure to comprehend to her idea of SPACE, and just invading her space over and over and over and over again! no WONDER she reacted so intensely!

and while blazed, i couldnt think of the positive, rational response: yeah I did not have a great idea of space, BUT (AND) she could have REALLY just written me one email. or one text. given me ONE LITTLE THING.

One of the old friends I met who actually lives sort of near me now is a social worker woman who mentioned this great idea of replacing “BUTS” with “ANDS” because AND I guess gives more validation and acceptance and understanding to what your initial complaint is. does not disqualify any part of anything. and then the AND qualifies the good shit as well. I said to her, yes I have read a LITTLE bit about that, and I agree it is totally awesome and I agree completely. she also mentioned the idea of “dialectical behavior therapy” as kind of a counterpart to cognitive behavioral therapy, and I said I knew all about CBT but had never heard of DBT, and I am leary of the word “dialetic” hahaha but whatever you are describing sounds really interesting.

i guess it is a lot CBT but with more of a focus on talking and the dialectic you establish with yourself?? i said I would look it up and i intend to. maybe engages to cognitive component even more, for introverted weirdos like me who need to write 6,000,000 page blogs to constantly PROCESS everything. this might give you a more positive way to process everything.

so, in short, whenever you say BUT, replace it with AND instead. in 99% of cases it will still work AND it will be the healthier thing for you to tell yourself. as far as reaching your goals and shit.

she also mentioned some kind of best practices for goal setting. specific, measurable, realistic, that kind of stuff. i mean i already know all that but its nice to hear other people who are professionals in the area speak about it hahahahaha.

unfort most of the people were anti trump leftists and i was in no position to argue with anyone. i didn’t WANT to argue with them. they are all nice good people who I should look up to as role models 4 a good lyfe……but i just dont care for the leftism. but its not like these people are living their lives being total degenerates! hurting people and lying and cheating! they all want to do the right thing too!

but yeah there was definite examples of antiwhite cucking by white leftists. and not even in a im sorry to be white sort of way. but just enthusiastic, true believer, whites are the cancer of the human race sort of shit, totally shamelessly. but, interestingly, no real guilt about being white, but im sure if i pressed them, they might say something like yeah it sucks to be white and thats why I do everything I can to support the oppressed and be an ally etc. i cant help being white but i have lived my life fighting the man, so i am secure in myself.

i would almost prefer if they WERE ashamed about being white, because that might show me a chink in their armor hahahaha.

someone blatantly said “your mother is a communist” and i was like WOW that is pretty rude, but i didnt doubt the veracity, because I know the guys mother is a lifelong leftist activist type, father as well, and this is where he get it from. which makes sense. if my family were huge leftist activists, i would probably be too. like old school summer of 68 types that became fairly professional, rather than burned-out hippies.  but they are good people and raised good children. also there wasnt any race mixing hahaha. not that they wouldn’t blatantly approve of race mixing! they just never actually had mixed children, and I am secretly happy about that. nor did their kids, one of whom was/is one of my old friends i was looking forward to seeing. he will never change being a huge leftist, but he is still a very good admirable person. but he married a white wife and had a white child too………

its just WEIRD that such decent, good people could also be such damn leftists. so you CAN still be a good person and live a moral life if you are a leftist. its just weird to see though. what would be too far? maybe if any of them had had mixed race children. or were in positions of political power and doing blatantly antiwhite policies. but, somewhat surprisingly, no one is in political power. they have great careers and probably Manage Teams and have masters degrees from top skools and make 80 k a year. but i guess as long as a person is not a lying cheating scumbag, i am ok with them.

but this guys white communist mom has been married to his white communist dad for like 40 years, with no weird open marriage bullshit, and they have white children who married white women and had white children, with no weird open marriage bullshit as far as I can tell.

so yeah i pretty much hid my alt right and pro trump views because a. i wouldnt be able to convince anyone b. people might be like poor him, he’s confused because he’s having a rough spot in life, so he is clinging to this racist xenophobic sexist stuff out of fear and frustration. so i just avoided talking about it and made jokes about guns and even probably one genuinely nonjoking statement about how i would have no problem with owning a gun, which is actually a big deal for these people, most of whom come a town where everyone is a leftist who hates guns and whites and the only people who even Go Hunting are Racist Redneck Angry Uneducated Whites who are angry and afraid and republican and trump voting, fox news, etc. too hateful and ignorant to get their phds and get a professional career and get the political views to accompany those professional careers.

its like these people have NEVER MET A RIGHTIST!!!!!!!!! They literally think they are the worst people in the world! rightophobia!!!!!!!

well, i talk shit about the left all the time, i despise the left and 99% of leftists. these people are essentially GRANDFATHERED IN. but doesn’t it mean there are a lot more leftists who are decent people? yeah probably. lets say 50 50.

but yeah i dont really hate individual people, especially when i get to know them, even hardcore leftists. but i hate the left as a set of ideas that is really destroying the country hahahaha and the west. and the white race.

interesting enough, they can rant about trump and trump is like hitler, its so scary, and be like yeah of course i will always vote democrat, thats what smart people do, who are not evil white capitalist greedy stupid redneck religious gun toting haters! BUT no one had anything positive to say about hillary, and probably were not volunteering their time to campaign for hillary. well hillary is too establishment and not leftist ENOUGH they’d probably say.

but they dont volunteer for even worse leftist shit either.

so yeah these people will always remain grandfathered in for me i guess. and i guess i could probably “keep an open mind” if i were meeting new people. but i dont meet many new people.

but yeah i puffed the MJ and was like DAMNNNNN I REALLY REALLLLLLY was an idiot regarding the concept of space. She told me she wanted space and I couldnt RESPECT that!

well, she could have TOLD me a little better and clearer, and continued to communicate with me regarding it! like, oh by the way, this IS an ultimatum, and this is because i’ve been getting weird vibes from you that you like me, and also we shouldnt talk or text at all, but i’ll continue to talk and text you.

plus, what about: SPACE does not give you license to avoid the issue altogether. avoid and ignore. SPACE means we are gonna stop hanging out, and stop talking every day. but it doesn’t mean you continue to do that FOREVER unless you have a decent TALK about it.  if you want to parlay the SPACE into a Permanent End Of Rel, you have to TELL the person, especially when they make their interest clear to stay in the rel, by asking you every 2 weeks, when are we gonna hang out again, its been many months since we hung out, can we hang out this weekend finally?

heh. we also did a ritual which was partially intended to help me get over That Woman. This is me and this other guy I saw there who is one of my favorite people and who I was really looking forward to seeing, and if i lived in the same town as him, i would Want to hang out with him regularly, because he is a great, classic guy. he is also not as blatantly leftist as a lot of the people. and we are both hopeless romantics who have gotten heartbroken by women many times. but he has improved because of it and become a confident, charismatic, outgoing, charming man, and has Slayed plenty of Pvssy in the time since we were young.

he is very very good at organizing social events and being a Host type of guy, make you feel good about yourself, kind of guy. pull out all the stops and do special things for special occasions, just raise the bar and do awesome things. shower people with unexpected gifts, organizing fun party buses, putting on one man fireworks shows, just amazing the things he does, very glad to know him.

anyway everyone was going to bed early like responsible adults and i was kinda looking forward to staying up late the last night (2 nights) and watching some people get Annihilated (of course I did not drink, i have not had anything to drink since 2009). i thought he was gonna go to bed, but he surprised me by totally playing to my sensibilities. he bullshitted me that we were gonna do some seance type black magic ceremony that he knew, and i played along and honestly was not sure how much he was bullshitting, but he put together this plan to essentially burn a log in half on the fire. put a long log across the top of the fire pit, build fire underneath it, and then the goal is to keep that fire going long and strong enough to cause the top log to break and or crumble.

and then that was supposed to symbolise you getting over something, something you want to be over and done with, something holding you back. I said yeah I can make it about this woman if that’s what you’re getting at, hahahaha.

so i dont know if this is an actual thing or he just bullshitted the whole thing, but it made sense and seemed a very nice way to symbolically “break” someone or somethings hold on you. a symbolic ceremony to turn the page, move on. i said well you can use this too because you have a big move coming up and I want that to go well for you.

initially I thought the goal was to weaken the log and then one of us would break the log by stomping on it or something.

ultimately our goal became to just burn all the way through the log until it broke because of the fire.

so we had to add a RIDICULOUS amount of wood to the fire to accomplish this. and it took at LEAST  6 hours. essentially we ended up staying up ALL NIGHT till the SUN CAME UP and then finally the log split. there was no crumbling really, it was more like two little hands reaching out to each other.

but yeah the log just sits there taking all that heat, not showing any signs of anything, or it seems like it should have broken long ago but it doesnt. pretty much everything about this was symbolic as fook, he knew it, I knew it, he knew I knew it, I knew he knew it. So yeah it was a beautiful thing.

not sure if it actually worked regarding That Woman, I mean I have been slowly getting over her anyway so I dont feel I needed a CEREMONY, plus I said yeah she is technically a good person so lemme just say I am not trying to put any curses or hexes or Black Magic on her, so I covered my ass there hahahahaha. well, I kinda want her to have a bastard baby soon with some deadbeat black, but I guess I forgot about that.

but yeah it was nice that he was thinking of me and did this nice thing for me hhahahaha. very touching. great guy. great to see him after over 2 years. last time i saw him i was just a few months from falling in luv with the woman. i told him, yeah i have this female friend but i dont feel that way about her, it would be weird, i dunno.

i would ideally have some GOOD headphones then get very blazed and listen to this album hahahaha.

I am not as well versed in this album as I am with “transilvanian hunger”, an uncriticizable classic. UaFM I have some actual complaints about, like i skip some songs, guitar sound is too thin. but yeah this probably is culto’s best vocals. totally sick the whole album.

now darkthrone is about as consistent as neil young…..but everyone agrees this is one of the good albums. the classic albums. i would much rather listen to this album than the more derivative albums it inspired. basically just freezing cold, hateful, nihilistic, raw, pure, trve, kvlt black metal. no poseur or hipster or modern bullshit. not overly long. great year, 1993.

none of the women at this thing were really bad. even the worst one is not a bad person. i just wouldnt want to date her. but she is still very nice to me. and she is super duper successful and makes like 150k a year and gives Expert Opinions in Congressional Hearings. yes the big Federal US Congress in DC.

how many men had each of the women been with? how many abortions had each of the women had? how many nonwhites had each of the women been with? how many hearts had they each broken?

none of that really crossed my mind at the time, hahahaha. prob cuz i had NO interest in dating any of the women.

however, the married women, i was kinda judging their mate value. but they were wonderful people too. ideally the one woman would have been a little younger when her and my old friend got married, but they are still a good Pair and they have had a child. but im not sure another child will be coming quickly, and of course that was my ideal, that they have at least 3 children hahahahaha.

basically i care about the mudsharking and slutting and abortions etc a HELL of a lot more when i am considering Dating the woman. if I am just being friends or friendly, I dont really care. also if my freinds are MARRYING the women, i would HOPE they choose at least SOMEWHAT wisely and not pick a TOTAL piece of trash. And i don’t think they did. I just wouldnt want to marry these women myself hahahaha.

basically if i didnt know these people and the first and only thing i knew about them were their horrible political beliefs, i would say, these are probably terrible people. the worst kind of white antiwhite scum.

but in fact they are very very good decent people.

so what did i learn? that leftists can be good people? I already knew that, I mean nothing i’m saying here is NEW. I knew they were leftists when i first met them. and i thought i was a leftist. and i started moving right, righter, and far right hahaha. but they stayed leftist. but they also stayed decent people. i just think its interesting that they never woke up or got redpilled. even getting married and having kids did not redpill them. or working with obnoxious nonwhite customers. living in a multicultural diverse city. i can’t imagine anything that WOULD redpill them. they could get robbed by blacks and then say something like “we cant let this turn us racist. we cant forget that these blacks wouldn’t be put in such a desperate position without racist hateful greedy white men who created the systems of oppression that keeps blacks poor and desperate.” i really think they would say that. NOTHING is going to “redpill” them.

 

THEY CANT IMAGINE WHAT ITS LIKE FOR US, WE CANT IMAGINE WHAT ITS LIKE FOR THEM

aug 9

dat feel when you are “fasting” till about 1 pm hahaha

drinking coffee and then shart your pantz hahahahaha

nothing too major but you still definitely have to change the drawers.

thinking how the hell would you deal with this if you were at your JOB.

and this is why smart people have an extra pair of drawers in their car or locker just for this very reason.

because i am very very very smart and i still shart muh pantz as a 35 year old grown ass man hahahahaha.

been INTERVIEWING so much I have fallen back in my actually applying to jobs. so, trying to catch up on that today.

also trying to do 16/8 hours in terms of fasting/eating. do all your eating within an 8 hour window.

since i might have a snack around 9 pm tonight, that means i dont want to eat anything till 1 pm.

but i will drink coffee.

ok did 4 applications then ate small breakfast at around 115pm, as i was fasting on a 16/8 intermittent….i already described this hahahahalolololol.

rustlers_gonna_rustle_-_haters_gonna_hate_-_rustled_jimmies-20120923-142511

heh hehehe

5T6NLs2

leave me alone lads

ok ok i think that is enough of that.

 

its just fookin STUPID and DISGUSTING how what is SUCH A BIG DEAL to an omega kissless virgin, means ABSOLUTELY NOTHING to the average WOMAN. Not even talking about sluts. but average women are totally COMFORTABLE with the idea of secs, they ENJOY regular secs with their BF’s, they ENJOY regular cuddling and tickling and ASMR whispering, and all of this stuff is SUCH A BIG DEAL to us KV’s, because we have never experienced them before, or are on a 12 year dry spell hahahaha. WOMEN can NEVER know the pain of a 12 year dry spell. i just want them to check their privilege hahahahaha. i’m not saying they shouldnt HAVE this privilege. the privilege makes sense. whats RUSTLING is how they claim not to have it.

i bet its like how it makes Black Activists feel when Whites say that Whites dont have white privilege, white privilege is a MYTH.  hahahahaha.

well it is hahahaha.

but female relationship supply privilege is NOT a myth.

they cant even IMAGINE what its like for US, who havent even cuddled with a woman in 12 years;

and we can’t even imagine what its like for THEM, where being in a relationship and having regular cuddles and secs is NOT a weird thing.

hehehehe. thats my point. and that’s why i get rustled when WOMEN offer unsolicited advice to MEN. and really why only MEN can help other men out of this tragic, pathetic, despairing situation.

a woman having secs with her BF and not getting totally nervous about it. just enjoying the secs.

if we have ever had secs, we were extremely nervous about it and never had the chance to really enjoy it, because no woman ever stayed with us long enough so that secs was a regular, consistent thing that you could get comfortable with.

less than .00001% of women know what that’s like, because ALL women have been in long term rels where they had regular secs at least SOME of the time!

which im not saying makes them sluts. it just simply means there was a period in their life where they got regular secs and weren’t nervous about it and enjoyed it, and that is a pretty big thing, and they have a very hard time seeing how its a big thing, because it seems like such a NORMAL thing.

ate breakfast. now the challenge is, dont eat any snacks. dont eat any damn potato chips, dont even have a damn protein shake because even THAT is 180 calories.  i will have a tiny snacklike dinner at around 5pm and then have my Big Meal around 9 pm.

which is a terrible time to have your big meal, but this is my social event, and its kinda expected to get food, and this place has very good food.

i just wished women viewed secs as something SPECIAL that you shared only with someBODY special, and didnt just give away to men you just met.  i mean shit thats PORNOGRAPHIC. this is how New Life is Created!!!

i am so unmasculine that i look a photos of m1kk0 4sp4 and say damn what an awesome guy, i wish i could meet him one day, and then i notice he has a ring on his finger in 2016 that wasnt there before, and I wonder did some LUCKY LADY nail him down. well i mean yes i hope so, I want MA to marry a nice traditional finnish woman, pref virgin, and have LOTS of kids. he’s done some degen things in his past but he is totally able to make up for them.

when the same jobs pop up on DIFFERENT sites a few weeks later. should i count it as applying for separate jobs? shit yes, because i am spending at least 12 minutes on it hahahaha.

i hope muh buddy MA does get married to a nice finnish tradwife and never goes back to his degen interest in pornography and degradation and humanity is shit, etc. i think he knows by now that HIS people arent shit!

i just dont want him to pick the wrong woman. cuz i fear he has dealt with sluts and skanks in the past. (speculation.) but i want him to MARRY and have CHILDREN with a GOOD decent trad woman.

this is all from seeing a damn RING on his finger in a 2016 photo hahahahaha.

its none of my BUSINESS what he does in his personal life, and he’s not the type to TALK about it either!

i just think he makes great music and does great work, so i want him to be a great person in his personal life. and it was so encouraging to discover that he was big into Nationalism. Since I have been getting big on related topics too, hehehehe.

ok 7 jobs applied, got my daily average back up to 3.0, (7 day) got my 5 day work week average up to 4 per day. ie 21 per week. this is about as good a goal as any. maybe 25 per week hehehe.

shit i will have to apply to about 5 more today just to get to 22 per day. thats how these goddamn AVERAGES work. its difficult to push them even a LITTLE bit. which is appropriate for averages, I think.

see normies would say to me, why the hell dont you get a masters degree if you think youre so smart. you dont belong in the regular world. you belong in the masters degree world. or law or phd or something.

and then those people would say ehhhhh you fall a little bit short here, whyd you fook up in college? you might have been a good Professional, but you fooked up and never really corrected course. now youre in an awkward position.

and i will say yeah i hated school, i thought school was a scam. i tried going back to school a little bit to build REAL job related skills. thats what these 80 credits are right here. Then i got a new job, went crazy, then was in the depths of despair for a year. and here i am now, trying to get out of THAT.

wish there was a better word than “TRADWIFE” for an ACTUAL traditional, decent, good, moral, nonslut wife. because “tradwife” is a joke that means tranny. which is FINE……but what about the “tradwives” who actually ARE women?

i dunno i think some people use it to talk about actual females and we can determine if you are talking about a woman or a man based on context hahahahaha.

avg as 18 minutes for the 7 applications i did TODAY. longest one was 34 minutes. damn.

“A racist used to be someone who hated Blacks. Now, a racist is someone who doesn’t hate Whites.” Dr. David Duke.

I dont even know if DR DUKE said that, but its plausible, and its a great quote. yes i am the type of white racist who likes david duke. i would vote for david duke for senate ALL DAY if I lived in LA. I hope he wins. he’s a bit degen in his personal life, but his white stuff is UNIMPEACHABLE. I def went through a DD phase a few years ago. He made me moar J-wise. Great man, great teacher, go listen to his radio show NOW.

i have no doubt DD loves the White Race as much as I do hahaha. He is just tempted by Secsy Wimmin and Gambling. I mean shit if I had Secsy Wimmin throwing themselves at me, I would be tempted by them too. Plus he was always a handsome and charming man. However I am very curious how his relship is with his children. I know he has at least one child, well by now they are an adult. probably has grandchildren.

using lemon or lime juice and water as a natural deodorant hahahahaha.

new fatherland, and wewlad, looks like jim and bradan are guest hosting the daily shoah while seventh son is on vacation. well looks like i am gonna have to listen to another episode of the daily shoah hahahaha.

get

hahahahahahahahahahahaha

yes there is one more that is the coup de grace hahahaha

dont have nearly enough pictures on this blog.

that old friend contacting me reminded me that me and him got/get along really well and i dont have any friends like that in muh life any more. last time I saw him, That Woman was still a part of muh life, and becoming increasingly important to me. in fact i mentioned her to him, like i have this female friend that I get along with really well, and she’s not ugly, and she just broke up with her BF of 4 years, and I SHOULD be in luv with her, but I’m not, I dunno, it’s weird. and then soon after, i was in luv with her.

i mean if i lived in the same town as him, i would be hanging out with him all the time. great guy all around, just top tier man.

but he only lives 60-70 miles away! that is not far!

its too far for me, apparently.

but he is also good about accepting me for the lazy grumpy low energy low effort never lift a finger selfish badfriend that I am, hahahaha.

but yeah with her leaving my life over a year ago, i lost somebody that i felt very close to, and it was a big deal for me at least. point is i was pretty close to him as well, not in a secsy way of course, but we got along really really well in a way that I dont get along with my less close male friends.

aug 10

welp its all about the 16/8 intermittent fasting nao hahahahah. plan today is dont eat “breakfast” until 1.30 pm. totally doable.

applied for state general office job, 31k a year. not bad right? took 28 minutes on application, way up from the average 12. that average is slowly creeping up lately hahahah. might even get to 13. they asked like 5 or 6 “short answer” questions that thankfully I had saved the same questions and answers from a previous stupid app with this same state dept. which was almost 1 month ago. didnt even get a rejection from them. i suppose they could still call me in for interview. job today was only open for TWO DAYS. the posting I mean. my alerts usually come in after 24 hours. so it was opened yesterday, i found it today, and it closes TOMORROW. wow hahaha. wonder how many apps they will get. 200? certainly 100.

setting goal at 1200 calories a day. before the goal was at like 1450 and that was kinda hard to do every day. and I wasn’t really losing any weight. sheeeeeeeeeeeeeit. takes a LOT of self discipline to limit yourself to 1200. BUT I kinda need some kind of self disclipline!!!!!!

basically, the CONNECTION that i had with that woman, it was special, it was good, and thats what I want to have with the Woman I Marry and Have Children With. A Close, Intimate CONNECTION and Closeness and Intimacy. not something that falls short of what I had with That Woman who Childishly Ran Away from me.

connection, closeness, intimacy. it is VERY important. it is the foundation of TRUE LUV.

if you do a very fast google search on where a company office is located, and you immediate get hit with terrible reviews of the company and their “shady, useless staff”……should you still apply there hahahahaha.

sheeit they say the most powerful vitamin d sunshine is between 11am and 3pm. i usually go for muh long walk around 6 pm. because i hate walking around like a derelict earlier than that. but i might try it today for 1 hour from 2 to 3 pm hehehehe.  get some vitamin d. because the vitamin d supplements apparently dont work.

did i mention the sweet admin asst job that rejected me within FOUR HOURS of applying? i mean it looked real good. when I say that, I mean it doesnt seem to involve a call center, and the job description is fairly straightforward, no bullshit, and seems like something i am capable of, and i say HALE YEAH and apply for it ASAP, and mark it with “APPLYYYYYYYYYYY” and apply to it within an hour, if not right that minute.

another thing says between 10 am and 2 pm.

obviously most whites are at WORK during these hours and cant get their vitamin d. also, 66% of the US does not get direct enough sun during the winter to make vitamin d from sun, so you need Cod Liver Oil to help you as it does for the eskimos who get no sun ever. and the samis hahahaha.

so, armed with this SCIENCE IS MY FOOKING AWESOME GOD, I went for 1 hour powerwalk from 1:30 to 2:30 pm. it was already 90 degrees which i Luv. anyway it was great and I regret not doing this on other sunny days because i was too ashamed to be see not working during the workday hahahaha.  so i can still do a few more apps today and ive already done FIVE. then took a break and powerwalked and got OFFICIAL sun.

anyway i could tell right away it was different than the sun at 6, 7 pm. totally different. as they said, if you look at your shadow, it looks pretty short. short shadow good, long shadow bad. the sun was almost directly overhead. right above me. 90 degrees. the directness is key. also i am definitely in that 66% of the US that you can only get this during SUMMER.

i figured 1 hour was good enough. dont want to get a BURN. and of course if you use sunblock, you dont get vitamin d.

sun altitude needs to be above 50 degrees. today it got up to 62.7 at 1:30 pm hehehehe for my latitude.

http://aa.usno.navy.mil/data/docs/AltAz.php

so yeah i got the most of that. ideally i would have not wore a shirt at all hahahahahaha but i wore a “tank top muscleshirt” hahahaha.

11:30 to 3:50 is the times the sun was above 50 today. that is a very short window of time! ive been doing this all wrong!

essentially i am trying to “sunbathe” hehehehe.  for mainly vitamin d and some very slight tanning purposes. not to look “tan”, but basically to not look Pasty or Pale.  like these sluts that go to the tanning booth. they just look HARRIBLE.

i just want enough sun so i dont look like a pasty neet who never goes outside! becuase i LIKE going outside, most of all during the summer! ie right now!!!!! this is easily my fav time of year and soon it will be over! by the time you read this it will be the middle of february! and hopefully i will be working hahahahaha.

and we will have a new pres inaugurated, hopefully trumpenfuhrer. and hopefully he doesnt sell out the common white working man. but hillary could still win. the past week or so has been protrayed as trumps worst ever. i mean trump may have had a slam dunk in some states, but i really dont think he will in the general election.

june and july are best months for over 50 degree sun. aug is ok. sept is surprisingly bad. october is no chance.

yeah well what do you get from 45 degree sun? anything?

like in september there is barely any time to get the useful sun. the UVB rays. the UVA are the bad ones. UVB only breaks thru above 50 degrees. UVA can still get you tan but they also give you cancer.

i wonder how many cox these totally qt volleyball gurls are taking at the olympics. i mean shit their fathers can accompany them and keep them from whoring it up. also some athletes are Married or Committed. and so they should uphold their commitment to their BF by not CHEATING on them while they are at the olympics.

just in case i ever get into a committed real with a beautiful 20 year old olympic athlete gurl hahahahahaahah.

ok. 7 job apps. AND an hour powerwalk in the peak vitamin D sun, all before 5 pm. the sun gave a bit of noticeable tanning as well. much more than many hours out at 6 and 7 pm. lesson: the 1pm sun is EXPONENTIALLY stronger.

the bitch on this american pickers (jooers) would be very good looking if she did not have all those god damn degenerate tattoos! she is obviously a tattoo aficionado. and it is sad. because she is a physically healthy and very attractive 8+/10…..and then she defiles her body with a SHITLOAD of RIDICULOUS tats. which indicates SEVERE emotional disturbance.  CRAY CRAY. total cheater, mudshark, bipolar, borderline.

no father would let their daughter do that. unless the father was himself a tatted up freak. good chance of it. probably a biker or some shit.

BIKERS DO NOT MAKE GOOD FATHERS.

This one gurl I briefly liked, and was a crazy mudshark slut, her father was a biker and he was also a deadbeat and not present at all, which largely led to her becoming a crazy mudshark slut. good job friendo.

it can still be hot as hell and you can still get skin cancer and sunburn at like 5 pm….butyou wont get any of the useful UVB at that time! ridiculous! it really is not intuitive.

dontrustleme

bwahahahahahahahahaha

so. say you are applying and bla bla health care revenue cycle managed services inc for job a, you attach your packet for it.

then, 5 minutes after applying, you find job b with same company. you delete packet a from being “associated with the candidate record” and then upload packet B, which of course is very similar, just with a very words changed.

so what do THEY see when they look at your submission for job a? do they see packet B? do they see nothing?

of course they wont TELL you, they just throw your shit in the garbage where it belongs hahahaha.

so now my official policy is, keep uploading a new packet for every job, and give it a filename accordingly, until the system says you cannot upload any more. then delete the oldest one.

the things we do to get a 14 an hour job!

in the good old baby boomer days, it was assumed that you would be trained on the job for every job. NOW that assumption has shifted entirely: its not the COMPANY’s responsibility to train you anymore, its YOUR responsibility to TRAIN yourself.

it has been hard for me to accept this since in muh family and muh upper working class community, the boomer previous generations who raised us, they were in the Company Trains You world, and the next generation, Us, We are in the You Train Yourself at Great Expense world, and yeah you can get a little assmad about it. like how come I gotta do all this extra work just to get what you didn’t have to do ANY extra work for?

because joos. and you can either accept it and make some money to try to create your own strong white world, or you can complain and let da joos assraep you without putting up a fight.

359 days since i sent The Last Email to her. Aug 17th is the big one year no contact anniversary. maybe i should celebrate. yes i really should.

aw sheeeit that goddamn healthcare company essentially keeps positing the same jobs every 3-4 weeks, and i keep applying to them, only they use a different requisition number, but its basically the same job. I never get called. I have to wonder, are they actually hiring people? or is this one of those PHANTOM JOBS? that will just get posted every 3 weeks over and over and over again, getting 60000000000000000000000000000000000000000000 applications, allowing them to maintain a pool of the 100 best people of all time? which they prob wont do because its too much work. no time. time is money wagie! we can’t afford to schedule more part time hours to do that task!

like this fooking hospital. EVERY job they post is part time. like fooking nursing jobs, medical assistant, stuff you need an education for. getting a full time days job there is impossible.

i mean there are .7 FTE jobs and midnights jobs and PRN jobs and Rotating Shift jobs.  i am thankful i am just not that DESPERATE yet!

ok did a 3.6 powerwalk. 6.6 total today hehehe.

listened to that scottish 34 year old virgin with the phd who lives with his parents and cant get a job and has sent out hundreds of applications and gone on…..only 5 interviews as far as i can tell. well i have done 13 interviews and sent out 350 applications and nothing mother fooker so i am better than u virgin hahahahaha.

no i kid. i am totally on this guys side. totally. 100%.

he finds the silver lining in that he has very few expenses, he doesnt need much, he doesnt want much, he doesnt spend anything, he doesnt have some soul crushing job, and he doesnt have some bitchy GF sucking him dry.

that last bit sounds pretty mgtowy in the worst way and was the only thing i disagreed with.

when i was at “rock bottom” one of the few things that gave me hope was the idea that i was part of something larger, something greater, namely, the beautiful white race. and maybe ONE DAY I would be able to add to that white race and help it live into the future by having white children of my own. i saw the entirety of the White Race throughout history and how I was part of something beautiful and sacred. i might be unable to survive independently, support myself, find a woman, get married, have children…..but i could support other white families, add to white survival in other ways other than having children.

IDEALLY, having children is the BEST way……but theres still OTHER things I can do. also, not all whites who have white children are race conscious AT ALL. and would just as soon get knocked up by a white biker, then get knocked up by tyrone the black thug.  OR the children are swpl marxist hipsters and they teach their children that race is a social construct.

but yeah basically Race gave me some security, stability, confidence, and a sense of BEAUTY when I really needed all these things. when the world was a lonely, ugly, brutal, loveless place. when no job would hire me and no woman would hang out with me.

You can take muh life, but you can never take muh whiteness!

COME HOME, WHITE MAN.

it really was a big thing for me, and I recommend it to all white neets and losers and virgins. it grounded me and fixed my nihilism problem hehehehe.

You dont need to believe in nothing when you are WHITE!

now, white winners and normies will say this is sad and pathetic, and i’m CLEARLY becoming a racist because I have no real accomplishments of my OWN. and theyre not even really WRONG!

but I feel absolutely no guilt about being a white racist or about loving whites. It feels good and pure, like the love you have for GOD or a WOMAN or your FAMILY. It’s seriously on that level. and how can that be a bad thing???!?!?!?! ITS NOT!!!!!!!

women never will understand this. it doesnt matter. just find a woman who hasn’t been with a nonwhite, marry her, get some white babies out of her, and THEN she will probably understand, and never go black.

but yeah. women are not loyalty to their MEN, they are loyal to their CHILDREN, IF they are loyal to ANYONE. And MANY of them are NOT EVEN LOYAL TO THEIR CHILDREN!

again, it all starts with their fathers. The better the father, the more loyal a woman will be to her boifran or to her children.

in other words, i should have stayed away from that woman as soon as I learned she didnt have a real father. which i learned quite early.

BUT I did kind of build a BIT of a wall. I could feel her wanting to get close to me, and I was thinking, you have a boifran, and also you dont have a father, and I dunno. I will be friendly and nice and talk to you but I’m not gonna let you all the way in. we’re not gonna hang out every single week.

of course as time went on……..i was like well we get along SO WELL! and she’s SO NICE! she turned out SO WELL despite not having a father! and NOW she’s single!!!! she would be a great GF! and she’s going out with a black sleazebag so quickly after ending a 4 year rel, her first serious rel???? WTF????? Why not me????

so yeah you can see my train of thought.

but obviously IT WASNT MEANT TO BE. not even a little bit.

hard to say if we can trace that back to the no father being the root cause. IT CERTAINLY DIDNT HELP.

i dunno if i should argue for increased dose of citalopram tomorrow when i see dr. id just as rather argue for not seeing them every 6 months, but instead every 9 or 12 months.

i mean i am of the thought that i am basically untreatable and i need all the help i can get. the main thing that cures me will be Lifestyle Changes leading to Actual Success….and I haven’t gotten there yet, so keep throwing increased dose and also regular shrink sessions at it. shrink once every 3 weeks, and gradually increasing citalopram. why not. i mean im not getting younger and i am pretty far behind. need all the help i can get.

i have gotten a lot better about doing Job Search Work…….and its gotten me 13 interviews………but it hasnt gotten me an actual JOB yet. and then once i GET a job, I will damn sure want as much citalopram as possible to keep me from having a NERVOUS BREAKDOWN and SNAPPING.

because when I had muh Nervous Breakdown with the Job and the Woman, I had also run out of muh paxil.

but i feel that was a coincidence rather than causation.

i mean basically a large cause of the despair is my own sense of being a failure at accomplishing things meaningful to me: namely, with jobs and women. i just want the american dream of a 14 an hour job that doesnt drive me totally crazy, and also a 7/10  approx 25 year old tradwife that’s been with no more than 3 guys, whites only, hahahahahahaha.

and i will feel a sense of despair until I achieve those Major Life Goals.

i mean OTHER PEOPLE have acheived these things before age 25. why shouldnt I hahaha.

they say dont compare yourself to other people. i see their point, BUTTTTTTT…….

ITS ABSOLUTELY IMPOSSIBLE NOT TO.

Because you see average normies, not super geniuses, but just average normal normies achieving the fairly modest things that you want to achieve. i’m not asking for the best. I’m just asking for 14 an hour job, not to go crazy, a 7/10 wife, 25 years old, less than 4 guys, whites only.

MAYBE THAT IS TOO MUCH TO ASK!!!!!!!!!!!

 

GAS THE NORMIES NEET UPRISING NOW

july 23

had weird nightmare that people were gradually being taken over by aliens. like body snatchers but they didnt look like humans at all, they looked more like Giant HR Giger Xenomorphs.

funny that you seem to be sleeping the deepest when you are having a terrifying nightmare that you WANT to wake up from. normally you LIKE and WANT to be sleeping deeply. but not now.

is it a good or a bad thing when an employer makes you  print out and sign an application and makes you come in to the office between 4:30pm to drop off the physical papers?

it sounds embarrassingly behind the times, like you’re hiding behind this outdated procedure and will keep the best candidates away.

but there’s also the argument that its a barrier to entry that will keep the WORST candidates away.

so, are you keeping away GOOD candidates, or keeping BAD candidates away?

probably BOTH tbh. you just snip off the outlying tails: the very best AND the very worst.

is it worth it?

but then this is a municipal position where quality is not necessarily necessary!

but companies can be inefficient as fook TOO. and managers much more incompetent than the people they manage.

well, the BEST candidates will eventually find jobs anyway, and probably not without having to go thru 20 interviews, or submitting six hundred applications.

in other words, i am more bad than good hahahaha. on the bad side of the bell curve hehehehe. below average. how do below average people get jobs? by looking for BELOW AVERAGE JOBS.

having an honest perception of what YOUR value on the market really is.  be like, i’m not worth much, and I know it.

but i kinda want the municipal, unionized, 37.5 hours a week, job, so i will follow their EMBARRASSINGLY OUTDATED policies of printing out the pdf.

do they just not KNOW how to accept applications electonically? there are LOTS of people out there who dont know how 2 email, how to add attachments to an email, cant grok how to make passwords for an account. hell no will they know how to set up a pdf to accept a verified signature.

shit you dont even NEED a signature. you can just type in your full name, or check this box to act as your signature.

or just email a god damn resume and cover letter and be done with it.

but noooooooooooooooooo.

I’ve got to PRINT OUT SIXTEEN PAGES and do a signature in ink.

but its a 34k job. kind of out of my league no?

yeah well i have recently interviewed for a 40k a year job mother fooker hahahaha.

aaannnnddd the professional woman i interviewed with on wednesday is not gonna accept my linkedin invite, even though she has 250 connections. well i didnt EXPECT her to anyway. but i am still ENTITLED to call her a bitch hahahaha even though my EXPECTATIONS were MANAGED hahahaha.

the LANGUAGE these people speak! so gay. GAY.wav. YOU FAIRY.wav.

http://www.realmofdarkness.net/pc/sb/pacino/3

oh lord soundboards hahahahahaha

i dont care if david mamet is a HUGE joo, this is still a great movie.

stands the test of time better than woody allens immoral filth.

i am thinking david mamet is way more moral than woody allen.

hopefully. i’m certainly willing to throw mamet in the oven too if he doesnt pass the test.

thats emblematic of muh confusion and weakness, i used to be a HUGE woody allen fan. I thought his neurotic bullshit was SOPHISTICATED and INTELLIGENT.

i still dont really want to crap on “hannah and her sisters”, prob my fav allen film.

but i can definitely crap on it where needed. like its never ok to cheat on your wife with your wifes sister. or to cheat on your boifran with your sisters husband. and woody allen attempting to write goy characters is more insulting and patronizing than women writing male characters hahahaha.  he makes the goys so weak and jooish rather than strong and proud.

absolutely no need to watch woody’s homages to bergman, just watch bergman instead, and there’s big problems with bergman too. he was a white goy but imho he symbolizes sweden becoming jooified. behind every swede there is a joo rubbing his hairy merchant hands hahahaha. be like the poles and throw the bums out.

it’s hard to see all this when you are a 20 year old child swept up in the romanticism of it all.

so youre a jooish neet offended by my anti jooishness? too bad. have your rich father get you a job and get you expensive psych md’s. go to the jcc and bang 18 year jooish sluts. become a counselor at joocamp and bang the female joocamp counselors. just dont get butthurt when theyre banging all the other male counselors. and administrators.

its easier for whites to become neets than joos, because in the current year, joos have a better social support system. your whole family can be poor white trash doing meth and drinking moonshine. there’s no counterpart in the jooish community. every joo has a rich uncle or cousin. doctors, lawyers, executives, business owners. shit you could probably get a job in israel too.  i have no desire to help joos. they have enough help. my fellow goyim are the ones who NEED help in this area.

the fatherland made a good point in epsidoe 36 (i think), the one with jeronimus guest and in fatherland after dark hour 3, they talked about “The BQ” and using MJ.

they made the good point that even though MJ is degenerate, you dont need to get into a Purity Spiral about it, and if you Do MJ once a year to help you Bond Deeper with your Wife, that is fine. Exec Producer Bradan “Killer of Dogs” tells story about how he was having marital trouble so they went to a church sponsored marriage retreat. there was an implied point which I would have made explicit: oh you mean his wife didnt just leave him when the going got tough? she was willing to go get marital help with him, and put in effort to WORK through the tough times? good.

anyway part of the thing was they got a night in a nice hotel, so they decided to go to the washington state legal MJ dispensary and get some brownies to spice up the night. they had a lot of fun and did not turn into degen MJ zombies like 75% of MJ users.

point is, degen things, in MODERATION, are not so bad.

except being a slut and giving up secs to strangers easily. but that was never on the table. these are men doing degen things in strcit moderation with their LONGTERM MONOG WIVES.

like the idea of doing Butt Stuff with your Wife just once to say you did it. totally different than crazy butt sluts getting random bar badbois to do me in the ass.

they mentioned a degenerate bar that was doing a “walk of shame” promotion by giving free bloody marys to any woman who showed a receipt for PLAN B purchase. we all agreed that was absolutely disgusting.

i felt bad for jeronimus because he didnt have the best showing. he could have done a lot better and I think he was just having an off day. he sounded a bit like an autist and also was not talking where his opinion would have been very welcome by me.

i can relate. like where you just have a BAD DAY and then the whole world judges you for that. and you know you’re having a bad day but you just can’t shake it. you just have to survive through it, try to get good sleep, and hopefully tomorrow will be better. but when everyone is judging you and thinking youre a loser and an autist and an ubermensch and a neet just because you’re having a bad day and you can’t communicate quite right…….that SUCKS.

its HARD to be at the top of your communication game at all times, especially when talking to people all day.

that’s why I will always accept emails as valid form of communication too hahahahaha. shit, take a few days and email me when you are having a better day.

so i gotta drive out there during working hours, which normies could not do, print out 16 pages of paper, which could probably cost 1$ to mail which normies would have to do, then pay 25c at the parking meter hahaha. just to Drop Off a job application.

hungary. another great country. white as hell. weird asian language but that hasnt stopped finns from being great. and hungarians are probably less asian than finns ahahahahahhahaha.

you know your gf is at least a 7 when you can honestly say you would LIKE to see her in a bathing suit, especially a 2-piece “bikini” type. if the thought makes you cringe…..she is below a 7 for sure. and i would never want to be with that type of woman long term, or Create New Life with her!

yeah physical attraction is crude, but its necessary even for a principled moral nondegenerate. needless to say, i found That Woman very attractive. technically she was a 7, but 7 is still pretty good, and with my luv for her, she skyrocket to an 8, 9, or 10. WIFE GOGGLES. LUV GOGGLES. I would have LUVED to see her in a bathing suit. all that soft white flesh.

people are FAT because they are so busy WORKING they dont have TIME to eat and be healthy. Since they are WORKING 60 hours a week at least, having working lunches, all they can do is get fast food, and INHALE the fast food while they do their WORK. and THAT is why people are morbidly obese.  and then even if all you did after you got out of work between work and bed, was exercise, it wouldnt be enough to burn off all that god damn mcdonalds you ate like a pig. an overworked pig hahahaha.

its not uncommon for people to have heart attacks and die on the job, i learned. doesnt have to be a physical job at all. they just need to be fat and unhealthy and older. spend all day eating fast food, drinking soda, dealing with 90000 angry customers, and you giving them the runaround on their confusing issues because it costs too much to fix the problem with your shitty product and erything is a goddamn charade, you get stressed out, boom heart attack dead.

great. how fancy do i have to dress up for dropping off a damn application? i mean its the hottest part of the summer (which i am very thankful for, i luv hot weather), its 90 degrees out there so….

i mean i will dress up for the job, i will dress up for an interview and wear a suit coat in 90 degree waether while i wipe my forehead with paper towels, but dropping off an application? i havent dropped off an application in 3 years hahahaha. and that was for a damn municipal job too. noticing a pattern here. cities are inefficient and incompetent hahahaha and only survive because they are public tax supported leviathans.

kinda want to get some sun early in the afternoon. like 1 pm.

ok did that. did 2.8 mile powerwalk in 95 degree weather, about 55 minutes, got some good sun, vitamin d, took shower.

sheeeeit. 1 year into The Recovery and only now am I realizing that SHE DIDNT KNOW ME AS WELL AS I THOUGHT SHE DID.

In other words WE WERENT AS CLOSE AS I THOUGHT WE WERE.

I thought we were close because I knew alot about her. women don’t usually let me get that close. (but they spread their life creators for random men for instant gratification like ingras.)

really? you think its SPECIAL that a WOMAN is TALKING ABOUT HERSELF?

heh well i did because she didnt seem like a narcissist exhibitionist and actually had a private life.

but point im trying to make, did she really know ME? HELL NO!!! She didnt know about my past with women, she didnt know the story of muh high school and college years, she didnt know that much about my life prior to when i started working at the easy job with her.

i mean, i dont really LIKE talking about these things with people, and she didnt really want to PRY them out of me. the result is, she didn’t know ME NEARLY as wel as I knew HER.

and yeah that was my fault. mostly.

but it also explains how she could forget about me a LOT easier than I could forget about her. she didnt really KNOW me.

hehehehe it’s not really a POSITIVE, feelgood realization hahaha.

maybe if she REALLY knew me, she would have DITCHED me a LOT EARLIER.

and THAT would have been GOOD because it would have saved me a lot of pain!

lesson: make sure they know YOU just as much as you know THEM. if they are telling you intimate things about themselves, return the favor with telling them intimate things about you.

nobody told me that being a WEIRDO would make you a loser with women and with friends…….but it would ALSO affect your ability to MAKE A LIVING as nobody wants to HIRE a WEIRDO.

NOBODY WANTS TO HIRE A WEIRDO. 

heheheh.

thing is, i’m not THAT weird, i am just shy and quiet and boring and lame. i am not a total psychopath, i just have really low quality. like an ahtlete with a really low rating. im just shitty at everything hahahahaha.

too boring, too shy, too wimpy, too quiet, too prudish, too nervous, too awkward, too lame.

also you GOT to have something wrong with you to be 30+ years old and never had a REAL gf. theres a huge red flag there!

so because of THAT people think I am a psycho weirdo creep…..but really I never had a GF because I not too weird, but just didn’t quite make the grade. like a DUD. almost made the minimum, but not quite.

he’s not a PSYCHO, he’s just BELOW THE MINIMUM, hahahahahaha.

why would a company keep re-posting a job like a month later?

why would they delete all the resumes they were sent the first time around?

because none of the 1000 resumes the first time were good enough?

they are holding out for a better candidate, than the 1000 candidates they have got so far?

why not just call the best person out of that 1000?

because the best person out of that 1000 wasn’t good enough, so now they’re gonna try to get a NEW 1000?

or is it just Job Growth Theater? its not a real job opening? they don’t intend to EVER fill this “job?” it just makes it LOOK like their company is doing well, or the economy is doing well?

you think their Office Manager even knows? you’d have to talk to the area manager or president or ceo or board. and you aren’t gonna talk to them. you can’t.

and even if you COULD, you think they’d tell YOU? Joe Flabeetz off the the Streetz?

thinking about recreationally using nyquil during the day, same way I would smoke an MJ if i had some.

no, OF COURSE i would not go over the dosage because im aware of the dangers of acetominophen, unlike women or nonwhites.

so bradan fatherland is like 40 years old and has only done MJ like 3 times in his life. and he lives in damn washington where its LEGAL. i dont think we need to worry about HIM. No I like him a lot, he is very laid back and much less autistic than jim, and probably more fun to hang out with hahahaha.

i mean i really like all the guys on the show. ryan no1 i might have the most mancrush on because he is a total alpha male, very charismatic, and probably has an attractive 7 or above wife hhahahaha. and otto just seems like a very nice, friendly, down to earth guy. jim is the most ridiculous and autistic, but he’s a good guy too.

but i also think about george feels. so he lives in colorado and DOESNT do MJ, that says a lot in my book. ANYONE who lives in a legal weed state and isnt 420 blaze it all day long. not that thats a good thing! its DEGENERATE to use MJ every day! smoke weed erry day! THATS DEGENERATE AF!!!!! but i can totally understand it, IVE BEEN THERE, and I might go back there again. it TEMPTS me like none other.

George feels, i think it might help him tho. prob better than him drinking. not that he drinks THAT much. oh you drank 5 beers last night. get back to me when you are drinking at least 12 beers a day. and go on binges where you stay up all night drinking over a Fifth of Hard Booze getting wasted AF. I dont think george does this. he drinks 4 or 5 ciders or guinesses a few nights a week and feels all guilty about it. he’s not even driving around drunk hahahaha.

get back to me when you are drinking cheap malt liquor, cheap bottom shelf whiskey, or cheap boxed wine.

people who want to get drunk so bad they will drink steel reserve WARM.

just the thought of it makes me nauseous now. thank god. that is the proper reaction.

this is why i like podcasts with 2 people having an interview or conversation. they can pull you out of Downward Spirals of Negative Thoughts, and you can do the same for them. Which is why i think it would be a real neat thing for me to have a Skype Talk with George Feels.

more than 2 people, it gets tricky, like on the fatherland. then some people dont talk so much. 3 is do able but 4 is prob too much.

same deal with the millennial woes hangouts. prob why i stopped listening to those. just too many damn people.

2 people is my sweet spot.

HA, company wants references who are NOT former employers/managers, but who have been your NEIGHBORS for 3 to 5 years. Apparently Eggy got butthurt at this and was rude to the recruiter hahahaha.

i have seen a few applications ask for Non Work References, so I just used the same Work References as usually do. I never had a real life recruiter ask for them though.

well eggy will be blacklisted by that recruiter…..but recruiters are bullshit anyway basically meant to keep people AWAY from jobs. more job theater. i mean they never get back to you anyway. except maybe with eggy they put a note in his file saying this guy is an autist who got angry at the recruiter. if they even have a system for cases. candidate tracking system. they just throw everything away hahahaha. SORRY WE HAVE NO RECORD OF THAT.

just curious. WHY do recruiters ask for non work related references?

to paint a FULLER PICTURE of you than employers can give? to really know what kind of person you are? to screen out weirdos and neets and autists that do good work but are antisocial and weird? again, its all bullshit designed to turn people AWAY. they REALLY DONT CARE. NEVER has a non work related reference MADE THE DIFFERENCE. i just want to see the kind of bullshit the recruiters say about why they do this jooery.

http://www.askamanager.org/2013/04/why-do-employers-ask-for-personal-references-rather-than-professional-ones.html

i actually respect and sort of trust askamanager’s opinion. and she agrees personal references are BULLSHIT. THANK YOU.

ok just had some nyquil. 6.11 pm.

today is the type of PERFECT DAY to go to the lake. 90 degrees all day, HOT and sunny. i wanted to go to the lake but i didnt want to go alone. and i couldnt think of anyone i wanted to go to the lake with……except YOU KNOW WHO. and i havent talked to her in a YEAR.

what would alpha male do? just go to the lake alone and then make tons of hawt young female friends when he shows up by being all charismatic.

COMPANIES should run SCHOOLS. currently schools, even GOOD schools, can’t guarantee that you will be employable. if Companies Ran Schools For Children, K-12, this wouldn’t happen.

If Companies Ran Schools….well at the very least the kids would be prepared for a job at that company hahahaha.

schools would just be 12 years of job training.

why dont they just do that?

but then again, i am a fooking OUTLIER. most normies who go to normie skool get normie jobs.  i am only speaking for 1% of the popular. the real WEIRDOS.

but I’m not a WEIRDO, I’m just SUBPAR, hahaha. SUBMINIMUM.  just Not Good Enough, Unfortunately.  Not what we were looking for, sorry.

well, thank you for saying sorry at least! hahahaha.

instead of saying B+ or B or A in your job bookmarks, i have started putting like B+, APPLY!!! in them, so I know which ones I am more serious about applying for. because that’s all that REALLY matters. am I REALLY gonna apply to this one or not. Some job you know right away. those you put APPLY!!! in the bookmark title so you can spot them quickly, when you are ready to apply for a few jobs and want to take a break from scouring the damn indeed list of fake jobs hahaha.

i thought about how i wanted to take HER to the lake and beach and stare at her big pale white ass in a bathing suit and then have luving but masculine pair bonding secs with her.

then i thought, well she’s just doing that with someone else now. well, she’s probably working at her new job, making 16 dollars an hour, which i can never hope to make. and shell have a long hard day and then see her new boifran and night and get some long hard dick to relieve all that stress.

FINE. you can take all the dicks you want. just TREAT ME THE WAY YOU WOULD WANT TO BE TREATED. TREAT ME LIKE A HUMAN BEING WITH FEELINGS AND A HEART. JUST BE NICE TO ME.  you can take all the black cok you want, just BE NICE to me when you dump me.

If i were to do skypes, i’d do one with george feels, def do one with millennial woes, do some with these guys from depression forums. maybe one with a fatherland guy. hahahaha assuming any of those guys would say yes to the idea hahahaha.

i have two main interests apart from muh own navelgazing: huhwhyte nationalist and loser neet feels hahahaha. maybe GOD wants me to combine the two.

well, lemme just say I’m very comfortable speaking for the loser neet feels community. I am NOT comfortable at all speaking for the other community.  i just CANT. they dont want losers speaking for them, shit I dont want losers speaking for them, as a loser I dont WANT to speak for them.

maybe GOD is trying to teach me a lesson to not be racist, and he is gonna answer my prayers in a mysterious way. like i want to have a white waifu and have white children, maybe what GOD will do is send me a stumpy potatoey laotian single mother and i will get to be a surrogate father to her asian bastards, to teach me that Race doesn’t really matter, and that you can love children who aren’t your children as if they ARE your children.

and I would say to the LORD, sorry but thats just not good enough. I asked for WHITE children. white biological children of my own. that was the MINIMUM. you gave me SUB MINIMUM. I do not accept your halfass answer to my prayers. dont you have a QUALITY department hahahahaha. this one is a DUD, hahaha. NOT GOOD ENOUGH. GOTTA DO BETTER, LORD.

the lord works in mysterious ways. sometimes to our prayers he says yes, sometimes he says no, and sometmes he says NOT YET. OR, i’m gonna answer your prayer, but in a totally different way than you expected. you want a wife, i’m gonna send you an ugly nonwhite white to teach you lesson about not being racist and lookist.  its only the NONRACIST people that get wives of their own race, hahahaha. they don’t have any lessons they needed to learn

discipline. being able to do things you don’t like doing, because you HAVE to do them.

of course i try to JOO this by saying, well, i’ll DO it, just dont expect a good job.

NOPE. it STILL has to have good quality. no slacking on quality. DISCIPLINE is not only about doing things when you dont want to do them………but still doing them WELL. HORRY SHEET.

i am an expert in grudgingly, half assedly doing stuff, because i dont like it, i dont want to do it.

yet i dont get good results, because i do the stuff half assed! like maybe i am half assing all these 300 job appliations, because I am not painstakingly crafting every application to the job. because i am only spending 12 minutes per application rather than 30 minutes per application.  i have my Plug And Play sentences in my cover letter…..but the WHOLE COVER LETTER isnt tailored. BUT MAYBE IT SHOULD BE.

but yeah. funny that if two despairers are talking to each other, you can help pull back the other person from spiralling down into despair, being nice to them. but you cant do that with yourself!!!!!! this is a very interesting thing. there is something we can learn and use here.

namely, me talking here, or george making solo videos, is just beating a dead horse, a despair spiral. there needs to be checks and stop signs and guardrails and such to keep us from going off the track. and you can even have another despairer do that for you! they can help others better than they can help themselves!

and i think this is pretty cmmon among despairers!

so maybe this is the ultimate cure for despair: to help other people with despair.

and yeah thats the stated mission of this blog, always has been……..but in reality, its just been me whining about my own bullshit hahahaha rather than helping others.

oh eggy growing his nice long hair. i used to have nice long hair. but i was still a weird creep virgin. then i cut my hair and i sorta got some confidence briefly. then i wanted to grow my hair out again. but it was too late. i had quickly gone bald before age 30.  BRUTAL. shit i STILL might grow the SIDES long hahahaha.

its really not THAT weird for men to have barely any experience with women, like be 30+ and have never had a serious gf. but WOMEN think its WEIRD AS HELL, because they dont appreciate the natural differneces between men and women, and it IS realy weird for a woman to make it to 30 without having a serious boifran.

because women dont have to DO anything.

WOMEN ARE THE SUPPLY, MEN ARE THE DEMAND.

women just do NOT understand this, and men understand it at least implicitly.

sex, relationships, luv, dating, cuddles, affection, making out, anything in that ballpark. women are the supply, men are the demand.

THE SUPPLY CANT DEMAND ITSELF.

The demand can’t supply itself, hahahahaha.

when the demand is high and the supply is low, the price is HIGH AS FOOK.

and the demand will NEVER be low, and the supply will NEVER be high.

well, the supply COULD be higher.  supply of good, decent, marriageable women that is.

july 24

deicide “stench of redemption” 2006 is seen as something of a comeback ater replacing old guitar players  with new ones. i liked a couple decide albums up to “serpents of the light” which i remember when that one came out when i was a total adolescent teen.  SotL was pretty good, then they went on an embarrassingly decline and I just STAHPPED and started listening to opeth and became too cool for deicide. then of course opeth became uncool and uninspired and boring and lame.

now i dont listen to music becuase music is dgenerate hahahaha.

but seriously i dont really care about music made after 2005 and there is plenty of stuff i missed the first time around. like the deicide “legion” album. or sepultura “schizophrenia”. or fookin racist russian black metal bands hahahaha.

i mean seriously. i should be the worlds biggest NSBM fan hahahahaha.

had some nyquil yesterday at like 6 pm, went to bed at 9:30 pm, slept pretty good, did not get out of bed till like 9:30 am, this is pretty standard for nyquil hahaha.

spent all sunday afternoon reading damn metal reviews hahaha.

ok the albums of the day are deicide legion

i never listened to this album and always knew it as “the most technical” deicide album. but decide was never a very technical band! i am really looking for old skool death metal that is br00tal and heavy. hoping there is a heavy guitar sound and blast beats. i am also trying to get a better feel for steve asheim as a drummer, since most people say he is a good drummer, but how good is he really? but i am also looking for something lowbrow, sincere, and badass.

of course later on “technical death metal” became a thing, (gorguts?) and “brutal death metal” became another thing (devourment?) so I am fully aware of that. which is also why i wanted to go back to 1992 before all that shit even existed.

other albums of today:

sepultura: schizophrenia and arise

axis of advance: strike

angelcorpse: exterminate

morbid angel: covenant

niden div 187: impergium

you know i bet at least 20% of men are like me, basically virgins who never had a gf, and women think it is SO WEIRD, BUT IT REALLY ISNT! 20% of men are like us……but women have never met any of us!

the mysterious leader of deathspell omega, hasjarl, is really a 37 year old man named christian bouche who owns a real estate company called sci trident or something and probably is a total EXTRAVERT NORMIE talking to CLIENTS all day and wearing a tailored SUIT and SMILING and Closing deals and making 100k a year and drives a NICE car and wears NICE clothes and probably has an ATTRACTIVE GF from all the money he’s making in real estate hahahahahaha. so how can you take his kvlt music seriously now hahahaha.

well DsO hasnt been relevant since 2012 anyway hahahahahahaha. why did they just STOP suddenly? did he just run out of steam? get too busy making money?

i am being facetious. i hope he makes plenty of money and more importantly, has plenty of white children and doesnt waste any more time on “orthodox satanism.” no such thing for a grown ass white man to be doing.

but again they havent done a damn thing since 2012. cuz he is too busy making money and having secs with attractive wimmin like a NORMIE hahahahaha.

so anyway thats my big thing for this post:

25% of men are 30 year old kissless virgins like me who never had a gf.  it’s NOT THAT WEIRD. women only think its weird because by DEFINITION, because all women have been In Rels, they’ve never really met one of these millions of men! also the men aren’t shouting this from the rooftops, because they are ashamed. they don’t talk about it with women. well i say they should! we should come out of the closet and tell every woman we know that we are huge virgins who never had a gf, just so women, and people in general, but especially women, and to us ourselves, we can see that we ARENT THAT WEIRD!

where am i getting this 25% number? i cant prove it……but YOU CANT PROVE IT EITHER!!!!!!

All about the seed of doubt. i don’t think I could say 50% of men. but 20 or 25%, yeah sure!

of COURSE none of the men women have fooked are VIRGINS! because theyre FOOKING them!!!!!

you’d have to look at the male orbiter friends of the women. certainly they are ashamed of being virgins, and the vain women doesn’t care enough to know.

see, you women ALREADY KNOW some Male Virgins Who Never Had A GF, you just never cared enough to ask! but yeah a good 30% of your Beta Orbiters are Virgins!

You think thats WEIRD? then cut them off of orbiting you! DO THEM A FAVOR!

and do it nicely too! but also be honest! be like, you’re not a bad guy, and this isn’t your fault. its MY fault. but there is NO chance between you and me. its not RIGHT for me to keep leading you on like this. its not RIGHT to use people for the attention and adoration. i will NEVER be your GF. find a woman who will.

heh. its like ive become more hateful against all women, after this one woman.

yet when i was getting along with that one woman, i wasn’t nearly as hateful towards all women. i was more balanced, less hateful.

basically i need to be getting along with at least one woman in order to “humanize” women for me, to show me that not all women are horrible, AND to give me the confidence that I CAN get along with a woman, and am not some Huge Weird Virgin who Repels Women.

it’s hard to not think like that when I don’t have any female friends hahahaha. no evidence to the contrary.

went for 4.2 minle pwoerwalk. listend to arise and legion. arise has great heavy guitar sound. i probably didnt fully understand or appreciate this when i first heard it when i was young and i preferred the “groove” stuff like chaos ad.  yes, i did like “roots.” NO, I did not like “against.” I had the first soulfly album but I didnt super like it. but it was better than “against” hahaha. but after that sepultura became shameful and max became shameful and I forgot that, together, they USED to be a force to be VERY reckoned with. like on “arise.” great metal album for any metal fan.

deicide legion was….also early 90s scott burns stuff. the first deicide i ever heard was “once upon the cross” 1995, which was sorta new at the time, and i remember seeing it in the record store and being frightened of how blasphemous and evil the cover was. like wow this deicide band is the most extreme thing ever. then my friend got the album and i made a tape of it because i was too scared to actually buy the album hahaha. but i enjoyed the album and it was my first real taste of Death Metal. and then serpents of the light came out and i was fully on board with that one. also listened to their live album which came out after that, it was a great live album. “when satan lives.” and also listened to their first album a bit. but totally skipped over “legion.”

so i listened to it today and it was pretty good. super distorted and kinda sloppy guitars. the bass mixes well with it though, you can always hear the bass rumbling.  drums sound pretty good, hold the chaos together. benton sounds hateful but not as intimidating as he did on “once upon the cross”, here he sounds more human. no he sounds fine, no problems there.

but yeah OUTC and SOTL are definitely more catchy than this. better riffs. but legion definitely has replay value. some MJ would help though. and I bet it sounds better loud on good speakers.

see i think goatwh0re knows how to get really good production. the stuff is clear, and heavy, and not super polished. but the guitars sound way heavier than say “legion.” although their newer stuff is not as Inspired as their Older Stuff. also their drums are never clicky. this is how guitars and drums should sound IMHO. basically if all metal albums sounded like that, I would be happy. purists will say its not raw enough. i saw it’s plenty raw enough. if it sounds TOO raw then it stops being HEAVY and just sounds like CARDBOARD.

Women think its SO WEIRD when a guy is a virgin and or nevergf. Theyre like EW WEIRD uh NO I never met any weirdos like that. Well shit yeah you have. every guy you rejected as being too nice or too weird. just look at your orbiters. if you treated your orbiters as people and ACTUALLY GOT TO KNOW THEM, you would find that some of them are virgin nevergfs.

TREAT PEOPLE LIKE PEOPLE.

YES the orbtiers are dumb for orbiting around you like a servile puppy dog, but if you were a virgin nevergf desperate for a gf, youd do the same thing too.

GET TO KNOW YOUR ORBITERS. you will be surprised at what you learn. you could learn soemthing from their lives of quiet desperation hahahaha. gain some sympathy for nevergfs who are just lonely as fook. learn more about the nevergf/neverrel life. shit yeah its scary. be thankful that you will never know it. but you SHOULD make an effort to learn about it. because its the life many of your orbiters live, and you dont even KNOW.

NEVERGF. WE ARE LEGION. EXPECT US.

aajjajajaja. 25% of men baby.

well, it doesnt MATTER if a 16 year old or 18 year old boy is a virgin. it really starts being “WEIRD” around age 25. so, lets say 25% of men over 25 are nevergf virgins. there. BELIEVE IT.

IF YOU TOOK THE TIME TO TREAT PEOPLE LIKE PEOPLE AND ACTUALLY GET TO KNOW THEM as people rather than adoration-showering objects, you’d see that you actually know a LOT of male nevergf virgins! ITS NOT THAT WEIRD!

hey it wasnt for lack of trying! I WANTED To make it work! THEY NEVER WANTED to make it work! They just wanted to WALK OUT and BAIL and leave me in the LURCH.

I didnt BAIL on the relship, THEY did!!!!!!! I wanted to put in the WORK, THEY didn’t!!!!!

thats why i am nevergf hahahaha.  its THEIR fault hahahahahaha.

when woman2012 dumped me (and she was VERY GOOD about it, but i was STILL upset), i was just starting to become friends with woman2015. I was getting along with her really well, but i couldnt even THINK of her like that, i was still obsessed with the other woman. but it was good that i could get along with a woman. talk to a owman normally. i don’t have that now. so i totally doubt my ability to talk to women, get along with women, have female friends, get along with women like human beings. i don’t have any of that at the moment like i did in 2012, 2013. 2014. some of 2015. although things were bad in 2015. worse than I even knew.

well i sorta get along with some women. i see peoples GF’s at my weekly social event. we are nice to eaach other and i do VERY small talk with them. but i had gotten closer to That Woman in ONE MONTH than i have gotten to any of these women. which isnt to say That Woman Moved FAST – just that we both got along really well and hit it off immediately and had small talk really easily and could just talk real easy about lots of stuff, in a way that I can’t just do with anybody and everybody. but some people CAN. especially women hahaha. they turn on the charm and make you feel special, but you’re really not hahahaha. how many guys has she done that with in the past year? how many new guys she fooked? met from dating sites? how many new omega virgin orbiters has she had that think they have such a special connection? how many chumps thought the same thing i did? WOW i just NEVER get along with WOMEN so well, this gurl is really SPECIAL!!!!!

but i can tell you she honestly wasnt a slut, was not an extravert, did not get out much, did not meet a lot of new people. at least back then. who knows what she’s become now. in the past year. and it just DOESNT MATTER because I will never know her again! but you can see i still want to!

i was thinking of getting hooker this year, maybe that would help. actually making the call wuld be the hardest.

also i would have to get a damn job of course.

get a damn job so i can buy MJ and get a hooker hahahahaha.

get blazed on MJ and then walk around for 2 hours listening to music and fatherland and george feels and self made podcasts of me reading Knowledge about whatever my ridic job is hahahahaha. trying to learn and know EVERYTHING so i am prepared for explaining the most ridiculous shit to angry callers day in day out. well WHY cant you help me. sorry just can. no you CANT speak to the supervisor. hes in a meeting. no we dont call people back.

why dont they teach THESE soft skills in schools? if COMPANIES ran schools, like they should……they WOULD!

heheheh why didnt SCHOOL teach me the things COMPANIES want in order to give me a JOB and PAY me ?!?!??!?!?! Like how to bullshit people who want to speak to a manager? like how to bullshit when something makes no sense but you have to handle it now and can’t pass it to someone else?

ht     tp://scottberkun.com/essays/53-how-to-detect-bullshit/

unfortunately, all the articles on the internet are on how to detect bullshit and how to destroy it…….not on how to CREATE IT CONVINCINGLY ON THE SPOT, UNDER PRESSURE, WHEN IT IS MOST NEEDED.

https://www.google.com/webhp?sourceid=chrome-instant&ion=1&espv=2&ie=UTF-8#q=how%20to%20come%20up%20with%20bullshit%20explanations%20on%20the%20spot

googles got NOTHING hhahahaha.

i mean my bullshit detector is pretty good. i think EVERYTHING is bullshit hahahah. i dont LIKE bullshit. i hate it. i dont WANT to do it. I just HAVE To do it to survive on muh job.

no i dont! i havent done this in a YEAR!

george feels said that his father, who had been unemployed for THREE long years, complained about his previous job like it had just happened YESTERDAY. it was that unpleasant, and that fresh in his mind still. its like you can be permanently SCARRED, george noted.

i kinda have that. it has been over a year, yet I can remember that unpleasant feeling as clear as day.

too bad I can’t remember detailed STORIES that I can use in an INTERVIEW to show how AWESOME and SMART and cool under pressure I am!

but yeah it IS stupid and scary and sad that a bad job can almost SCAR you like this.  hope you never know that feel, GEORGE. check your unscarred privilege hahahaha.

all this stuff on the internet on how to DEAL WITH bullshit, but NOTHING on HOW TO bullshit. so how do all these bullshitters learn? it just comes NATURALLY to them? it must! cuz I don’t see a single article TEACHING somebody HOW TO bullshit. I would really like to read that article.

no, there is ONE article out there, and its OK, but I need MUCH MORE.

 

 

BE THE TYPE OF MAN YOU WOULD WANT YOUR DAUGHTER TO MARRY

july 9

https://www.youtube.com/user/ForeverAloneFeels/featured

i have downloaded like 10 videos to listen to. this guy seems like a Kindred Spirit and might even make it to the sidebar links. he also has varg v and weev in his liked videos, which means he might be a bad goy hehehehe. a 1433 bad goy with foreveralone nevergf forevervirgin feels. dont quote me on the 1433. but if he’s not, that might help him. i know it helped ME.

he is one of those guys that talks SO SLOW, probably because he is a horribly depressed virgin for many years! but he also drinks and looks at pron, which is bad. but i think he is quitting pron, which is great. he is currently on like day 60 of “nofap” and apparently that may be helping.

does he go to a shrink?

does he take meds?

does he take MJ?

he definitely likes to drink and eat.

look forward to investigating this fellow lost soul.

he DOES have a job and is gainfully employed, but it also sucks everything out of him and does not help his confidence heheheh.

i havent even watched these, so viewer beware, they might suck. but I think he is definitely worth a few links hahahaha

but yeah its funny how you can just TELL. from the way people LOOK and TALK. that this person is a self loathing virgin. or this person is a woman hater. im not sure if he’s a woman hater, just saying that’s something you can TELL. I know a few guys and you can just tell. i mean it is a bitterness against All or Nearly All women just barely under the surface, of viewing women as stupid and bad. I mean I have the same thing too, so I’m not judging them. I know that feel! I’m a woman-hater myself! I’m just aware of the TELLS, and make a conscious effort to HIDE them, so that people don’t even guess I’m a woman-hater. I am good at not letting the mask slip.

but yeah i dont hate or judge woman haters, how could I , I’m one myself!

I would LOVE not to hate women, but god damn, they just give us so many reasons to hate them hahahaha.

Oh well, i guess the best we can go is hate the sin, love the sinner. but why do they have to sin so god damn much, i mean they NEVER LEARN, they NEVER improve, they get worse and worse.

heh heh

like i say, i will have to listen to this guy then report back. i like to think i am very sympathetic hahaha. how will this guy compare to eggy / egg man, a similar lost soul. i mean these are not neets because they are working, but they are clearing Crying Out for help, they are in SUCH a sad state of despair.

just take some damn meds and sm0ke some damn weed already hahaaha.

how much does “george feels” drink? a little or a LOT. like getting drunk almost every day? or just a few drinks after a long horrible day at work. 3 drinks? or 6, 10 drinks.

but yeah a man CARRIES himself a certain way when he hasn’t made out (or more) with a woman in years, and men who DO have semi-regularly physical and emotional connection wtih women, also carry themself a certain way – a more confident, normie way. they seem less weird. this guy george seems totally WEIRD. as do I, hahahha.

well i guess the nofap is good for him. i would say the porn is 6000000000 times worse than the fap hehehe.

also quit the drinking and switch to weed hahahahaha.

get some damn meds.

get a short buzz haircut, that always gives me a slight confidence boost.

lose some weight hehehehe. not that he’s super fat, but being even slightly overweight is gonna be more damaging to him than to a confident normie chad, who has the personality to get away with being slightly overweight.

in one video he shows a programming in C book, is he a programmer for work? well he should thank his lucky stars to have a real skill and to make real bigboy money hahahahaha.

he lives in fookin denver! why isnt he smokng POUNDS of legal weed hahahahaha.

job opening at one of muh target employers, i almost shit muh pants when I saw it, because it actually generated an email alert. maybe newly posted fulltime jobs here do go onto indeed. good. then i will get email alerts. but they NEVERRRRR post openings for this job. I have NEVERRRR seen such a posting in like EIGHT YEARS. i immediately marked it AAAAAAA+++++++ APPLY NOW. its not every day a job shoots to the top of the list blatnatly like this.  so i will take a little extra care and apply for that today. maybe name drop in the cover letter. cuz i sorta knew 2 guys in the department 3 years ago hahahaha. like know them to chit chat with them and know their names, say hi to them and chit chat. good enough. well the one guy is a truly good guy. i would luv it if he were still there. he is a great guy and mancrushworthy. super friendly and nice and great people person hahaha. he is married and has at least one kid but he needs to have at least 3, just a great white man like that. i got along with him real well. but he gets along with everybody well, he’s just good with people like that.

i GET IT that men HAVE to bring a lot more to the table than women have to. it took me a while to understand that and accept it and not get assmad about it. ok. fine. done.

but can’t women bring SOMETHING to the table other than their befouled cvnt that they have disgraced and degraded so much?

like i have said before, can’t they even make a LITTLE EFFORT? even just 1% instead of 0% would mean a lot, symbolically at least. to be the LEAST BIT willing.

also i think guys like george mcfeels and eggman who post their pathetic white faces on youtube, it takes some balls to do that and I think they are more willing to Improve themselves than the neets on r9k, where its 100% self pity which i why I took r9k off the sidebar.

yeah well NOT ALL WOMEN ARE LIKE THAT hahahaha. SOME women WERE willing and indeed DID give me 1% of effort and kindness when they dumped me! so there! Refuted! Rebutted!

I just wanted to be DUMPED BETTER. I was begging to be dumped better. I said I accept that you’re dumping me. fine. just pleeeeeeease do it BETTER.  i didnt say don’t dump me. well….i said i would be open to not being dumped too hahahahahahahahahahahahaha but i will respect (stupid word, you can ACCEPT without RESPECTING) your decision, just do it a little better. you can do better than that. can’t you? it’s not just a woman thing, OTHER WOMEN have done better than that to ME.

also george feels should just use alcohol to bang some disgusting slut. i think he talks to women and meets women more often than I do. also he still drinks. so find some drunk whore and bang her already. if i still drank i would probably try that.

thing was, i couldnt even talk to women WHEN DRUNK. I went straight from too nervous and weird, to being sloppy falling down drunk and couldnt talk to ANYBODY. and that is not gonna help you with women unless THEY are falling down drunk.

anyway after 3 or 4 or 5 drinks, yeah i would be generally a bit loosened up but still not loosened up around Women. so then of course have another. and other. until you are 10+ drinks and then sloppy and embarrassing. thats the problem with alcohol hahahahahaha. that you get TOO sloppy to talk to women. not that you are ruining your life with being a damn disgraceful drunk hahahaha.

do i have more of a sense of humor than george mcfeels?

am i funnier than him?

more likeable?

why am I trying to BEAT him? well, i dont, i just want to prove to myself that i am not as hopeless as him hehahaha. because i am absolutely in that same ballpark, that i CAN truly Empathize with him. put myself in his place, cuz i’ve been there.

i mean he’s survived at Work for 2 years without having a nervous breakdown and quitting….right? and what if i’m wrong?

but yeah i would totally casually bang sluts with no rel. i dont WANT a rel with any women but HER. I WILL bang women with no committment, no luv. i will treat them in the casual way they are offering their pvssy up to be pounded by the most convenient dick. who cares. as long as i am not with her, nothing matters hahaha. well women at least. just pound the pvssy like a nihilist hedonist degenerate. thats fine and i am willing to do that if it helps me get more distance between me and HER, and gives me more confidence with women, and makes me less needy for women, or at least needy for HER.

so, if alcohol isnt gonna help you with women, i would say at least TRY using MJ as a tool to get sluts and skanks and white trash mudshark whores to give you casual secs. be like ayyy bae u wanna get h1gh ayyyyyy lets blaze it babay and then supply them with the expensive dank buds you have procured hahaha and then maybe they will throw themselves at you after they get st0ned hehehehe. of course good luck not acting WEIRD. so I would recommend that YOU not smoke so much at that time, and also take some benzos to chill you out. then just sit back like an ignra and say wahatever i dont care and give them an i dont care mentality. then you might be able to get dirty secs from dirty sluts who give it up to ANYBODY except for omega weirdo virgins who dont know how to talk 2 gurls hahaha.

so who are MEN supposed to go to for emotional support when THEY feel weak? you cant ask your wife or gf to do that, women are programmed naturally to LEAVE men who are emotionally needy like that. you have to support THEM.  give give give give give but god forbid you ever need someone to give to YOU.

really the best person a MAN can go to if he needs support like that, is his friends or family. really aint no shame for a 35 year old man to run crying to his mother, if he has that privilege.

or i heard a story about a 34 year old man with 2 young children, who himself had a cancerous lump in the testicle or something and he was understandably scared as shit, very emotional, crying, but he had to be careful not to cry in front of his wife and children, because god forbid the big strong man (he is a very big guy) looks weak in front of his wife and kids because he just found out he has CANCER. JESUS CHRIST.

i would be running crying like a baby to my mother and my bitch wife could LEAVE me if she wanted. leave you in the LURCH when you just got diagnosed with CANCER. JUST LIKE A WOMAN hahahahaha. ALL WOMEN ARE LIKE THAT. you can’t get assmad at it. NATURE programmed them that way. GOD programmed them that way. for a reason. for the reason that they are the Creators of New Life. so they can get away with being mercenaries for Strong Men, and leaving weak men with Cancer in the LURCH.

anyway. george mcfeels needs to cut his hair short and trim his beard short. the only way you can rock a long beard or long hair is if you have very strong confidence. if you don’t, it will just make you feel like more of a weirdo. believe me.

also delete any porn vidyas, AND porn pcitures, AND porn bookmarks. get rid of EVERYTHING on your computer and phone and whatever thats porn related whatsoever.

i am SO glad I did that. for a long time i had vowed against saving any files to the computer. that was one step forward, but i still saved bookmarks.

then one day i said fook this filth and deleted all the bookmarks. searched mercilessly for any and all bookmarks and baleeted them. this is what george mcfeels must do.

should he quit drinking? probably. but maybe it does give him some solace. shit sometimes I want to start drinking again! but then I think I’d much rather smoke weed hahahahaha. and also i can’t just drink alcohol. I just think about the shame of getting a damn DUI, shame for myself and family, then the thousands of dollars of fees, the god damn piss tests every week, i just never want to go through that again. the punishment was an effective deterrent in other words.

plus the 2 DUI club is alot different than the 1 DUI club. 3rd DUI is a felony and that is some bad shit. but there is a statute of limitations that is somewhat less than 10 years hehehehe.  doesnt mean the DUI’s go off your RECORD, just that you could get a 3rd DUI and have it not be a felony if its 10 years after the first hehehe.

if I were not an asshole who frequently drank and drove, and just sat and drank at home, well maybe I WOULD still be drinking. If I never got a DUI. but I was always driving after drinking. shit yeah that was stupid and downright EVIL.  that you think youre so much BETTER than everyone, that YOU can get away with this.  I really SHOULD have gotten busted a LOT earlier!

like oh ive driven with a Buzz hundreds of times, I’m pretty GOOD at it!

NOPE.

so yeah I am not worried about drinking again. I would do just about any drug rather than drink alcohol again. I would do HERON before alcohol hahahaha.

but mainly i just wanna smoke weed, but i have trouble getting it because i am an autistic lonely loner, also there’s nothing more shameful than smoking weed when you dont have a JOB hahahahaha.

i just wanna get a job fast so I can start smoking weed again SOON hahaha.

well i would also need to find a Source hehehe.

but i could and should ax this guy I see every week.

heh. you should BE THE TYPE OF MAN YOU WOULD WANT YOUR DAUGHTER TO MARRY hehehehe.

easier said than done. credit for that goes to some guy on a recent fatherland episode. I dont think it was jim or bradan, but either otto, salty seaman, or heidrich.

all good guys. even jim hahahahahahaha but jim is autistic as FOOK, i am amazed he is not a 37 year old VIRGIN hehehehe. but if he can get married and have a kid, so can ANYONE. not that he’s a bad guy and deserves a shitty wife. he’s a good guy and deserves a good wife. he’s just SO autistic and women have a REALLY hard time with the tism unfortunately. social awkwardness in general. hehehe maybe his basedwife is really UGLY hehehehehe. no i dont KNOW that.

i listened to foreveralonefeels for about 90 minutes. yeah he sounds tired and despairing but he has more of a sense of humor than i expected and was more likeable than i expected! he was not as bad as i expected! he has worked the same job for 10 years. i wanted him to talk more about that. he is 30 almost 31 now and i guess worked at the public library from age 20 onwards. which is great. i luv the library and would LUV to get a job at the liberry. I have ALERTS to email me the second there is a liberry job available because it is my kind of place.

but there is like 1 part time shelver job that opens per year in the whole state, paying 8.50 an hour for 20 hours a week hahaahaha.

shit all the liberrian jobs are part time and you need a MASTERZ degree for that. believe me i thought that might be a good masterz for me to get. but there are no liberrian jobs out there. i mean it is a SHITTY job market. SO shitty. not worth the 50 grand of getting the masterz degree. unless you are in the top 1% of your class. are you prepared to do that? be in the top 1-5%???? you better be, or you just wasted 50 grand at LEAST.

so….he doesnt give the details I think are really important. what job was he hired into? how many hours per week? job title? how much ya make? did you get ANY PROMOTIONS in TEN YEARS? you SHOULD get TWO promotions in that time at least.

so you live with your fam because you feel a sense of responsibility towards them and appreciate all they did raising you. i understand that completely. BUT do you really make enough MONEY to move out? how much money do you make now?

and I would understand if he doesnt want to say.

i guess his father is looking for a job and has been out of work a while and he goes on interviews and says the interviews go well…..and then he never hears back hehehe. kinda sounds like me. except my interviews dont go “REALLY WELL”, they just go ok. but you feel damn, they dont want to hire an OLD person who has been out of work for a LONG time. you have a STENCH about you.

i would have liked george to take more of that angle.

but he’s a pretty good guy, i would hang out with him, i was thinking about doing a Skype Talk with him ahahahahah.

took some nyquil.

anyway me and him would be good in the beta uprising. but this isnt betas. betas are normie nonvirgins with bitch wives. real neet virgins are OMEGAS hahaha.

anyway i hope he’s not a leftist atheist.

he also likes to go for walks and sometimes he tries to lose weight by going for a RUN. oh wow. good for him.

anyway i would luv to work at a liberry but its next to impossible to find a 14 dollar an hour fulltime job at a library!!! believe me, any job like that would be classified AAAAAAAA+++++++++++ and I would take an hour to make the best application ever.  how did HE get a job like that? which makes me wonder, maybe its just a mickey mouse littleboy part time 8 DAH job that he has. and thats the real reason he lives with his parents hahahahaha. cuz he makes less than 10k a year. thats not a real job!

but i dont judge that, I’ve been in similar positions. my previous job was something similar. and god how i miss it. no nervousness, no stress. but i could only get 25 hours a week and i was making like 9.75 an hour. that’s no job!!! but i loved it. I said DAMN I wish I could work at this 40 hours a week and make just a LITTLE more. like 11 or 12 bucks an hour. I would work here the REST OF MUH LIFE.

so yeah how many hours does he get, what does he make, has he ever been promoted, does he have supervisory POWER over anyone? could you imagine HIM being someone’s supervisor? itd be like ME being someones supervisor!!!!

but yeah i generally liked him and will continue listening. dont know how despairing he is, if he is taking any meds, etc.

also i have been out on “Dates” I guess with gurls. where we hung out, went to dinner, etc. but nothing like that since 2005 hahaha.

well i did hang out with one on one and go to lunch and dinner a lot of times with That Person. but they werent dates because we were not FOOKING hehehe.

its horrible how people can get so out of whack that to me, hugging or cuddling or kissing a woman is SUCH A BIG DEAL, and for some women, fooking (aka the life creation process) is NOT A BIG DEAL AT ALL.

and you feel sick when the person where you hugging them would be SUCH A BIG DEAL, that same person opens their life creator to randoms and its NO BIG DEAL AT ALL.

well I don’t have proof she is being a slut like that.

also she never really DUMPED a person before!!! I was the first major dumping of her whole life!!! she was too scared to deal with it, i can’t handle this, i can’t deal with this, so naturally you shut down, run away, and avoid dealing with it. you give up.

IVE DONE THIS BEFORE, just gave up on projects and shit. but never to a person who was calling out to me.

july 10

yeah I HAVE Just Freaked Out and Just Given Up. Ran Away. It’s EXACTLY what I did to my JOB. it’s the SAME thing she did to ME.

but not REALLY. because one thing was a JOB, the other was a PERSON. PEOPLE are (in theory, and in my opinion) more important than JOBS.

also when I quit the job I made SOME attempt to TALK to them. I didnt just walk out. I had 2 meetings with managers and tried to leave in as dignified and smooth a manner as possible. not just walking out and never coming back. NO CALL NO SHOW. she NO CALL NO SHOWED on me. on a PERSON. and

PEOPLE are more important than JOBS. in theory. cuz jobs dont have hearts that you can break.

on linkedin some comment said the real unemployment rate is not 5%, its closer to 40%, but the BLS is lying with statistics, and the journalists lying. all the employment is low paying seasonal temp part time jobs.

if you look at jobs that pay the average of 28k a year, uhhh of COURSHE the average is gonna be 50% unemployment. cuz in bell curves half of all people are below the average! average is a HIGH BAR to set!!!!!

you can’t have 95% of people get to the average! then you need to move the goalposts hahahaa. set a higher average.

really MY goal is just to be average. no more, more less. make the average american income of 28k a year.  14 dollars an hour.

no more, no less.

‘man cannot remake himself without suffering, for he is both the marble and the sculptor’

great quote from a comment on the most recent Forever Alone Feels vidya:

also some thoughts that LIFTING is about a MILLION times more effective than nofapping. will get you some easy pussy FAST. WHY ARE YOU NOT LIFTING. DO U EVEN LIFT BRO????

90 days to make something a habit. so LIFT for 90 DAYS and then you will be better. i guarantee it hehehehe.

I left him a brief comment on this vidya hahahaha. not the greatest comment. i dont think it will reach him. i agreed with a guy who recommended Fascism. Now FAF will probably be turned against Fascism, when it could help save him.

and now i cant edit it to add the shit about noporn.

oh well. i will probably give him a small dnation if i continue listening to him.

so yeah, noporn and fascism has been GREAT for me. well not great enough to get me a 14 DAH FT job or a tradwife, but i cant imagine my life without them, and i am very grateful for them.

illuminati? bilderberg group? bohemian grove? masons? come on! ITS DA J00Z, STUPID!!!!! da jooz makes SO MUCH MORE SENSE than the damn illuminati, when it comes to a Secret Society of Superpowerful Elites who Control The World.  Follow the Money to Find a bunch of superrich jooz. very simple. its not a damn CONSPIRACY. well not any deeper than one group trying to protect itself.

what kind of person lets their stupid yapping small dog outside at 4 in the morning on a sunday to bark and bark and bark so it can be heard in a 5 house radius, from 4 to 440 am? 5 minutes is one thing. FORTY minutes is another.

heh. people would PAY to make monster save more than 5 searches. so why wouldnt monster do this? PEOPLE ARE TRYING TO GIVE YOU THEIR MONEY BUT YOU WONT TAKE IT!!1!11!!

this type of nonsense infuriates me about companies. its just too expensive in the short term to do a project that would be ENORMOUSLY useful to your customers.

and in general its very difficult to work with your saved searches. you add them, then they dissapear, then they come back. you dont know if theyre there, or if they are working, and all you want is a damn email when company x posts a new job, which they post like 1 new job every 2 months at most. so you want to make sure yu dont MISS it. cause the company/org itself doesnt let you sign up for job alerts. because that would be too useful of a recruiting tool for them to find super motivated candidates hahahaha. SERIOUSLY!!!!!!

took 2.8 mile walk in bright midday sun on sunday to try to get max sun on pasty arms hehe.

i wonder if forever alone feels george is j00ish, cuz jooz are neurotic and emotional…..but they are also more successful and not usually virgins. he would have banged a jooish slut in college or joo camp or the JCC cuz joos are very clannish like that, its like one big incestuous family where you can bang your slutty 5th cousin removed hehehehe.

you can essentially arrange marriages and arrange jobs thru the wider jooish social network of the JCC. huhwhytes don’t have that, but they SHOULD. huhwhytes are more atomized and bowling alone, like FAF George. see “atomised” by houellebecq hahaha.

since george still drinks, I think he should ask one of these milfs out for DRINKS. then get them drunk and bang them. and of COURSH it will be disappointing. but at least get it over with. dont be like me. where you don’t have enough EXPERIENCE to pull actually DECENT women.

its a LOT easier to get rejected by worthless sluts, than to get rejected by DECENT women.

its the worst to get HARSHLY rejected by a decent woman.

of course, decent woman are more likely to try to be nice when they reject you…..but not all the time hahaha.

anyway i know george has never experienced that! and if he does, he will be sadder than he’s ever been!!

perhaps you should use Benzos as an Enhancer to other drugs. like I hear if you mix benzos and benedryl, you practically fall into a coma hahahahaha. no i am not encouraging this hahahaha. but benzos basically MULTIPLY whatever effect something else has. also benzos can make other things fatal. weird.

but yeah to a foreveralone, a mere HUG from a woman means SO much. when this means literally NOTHING to the normie women. they hug 6 gorillion people a day just to say hello or goodbye. it couldn’t mean LESS. so it’s two VERY, VERY, VERY different ways of experiencing the world. and secs is even worse, because women bring that same sense of casual, shallow meaninglessness to secs that they do to hugging.

WHY THEY GOTTA RUIN EVERYTHING. THEYRE RUINERS.

WOMEN ARE RUINERS hahahahaha.

MAN CANNOT REMAKE HIMSELF WITHOUT SUFFERING, FOR HE IS BOTH THE MARBLE AND THE SCULPTOR. 

that is so good. yes that will be a post title very soon.

http://www.brainyquote.com/quotes/authors/a/alexis_carrel.html

a quote from alexis carrel, french scientist i have never heard of. I HOPE he is not a J. well, that one quote at least is pretty huhwhyte.

heh. i am glad i am not on facebook, to see white people, white women, probably even HER, doing stupid facebook signalling about how evil and oppressive white cops are and how they deserve to be shot by black animals hahahaha. apparently thats what white people are doing “omg i can even things are really heated right now, i am scared about the way things are doing, we need to stop being so DIVISIVE and just LOVE NOT HATE and step back and LISTEN to Black Voices about Black Lives and what they are TRYING to TEACH us!!!!!”

cuz she was always anti-cop. but I wonder what she is saying about this stuff. WHOSE SIDE WILL SHE TAKE? I will never know. If I knew she were taking the antiwhite side, I would have an easier time writing her off.

but ideally, I would have been a Strong Man For Her, and Guided her down the Pro-White path, as all strong pro-white men do.

But yeah I am willing to Meet Up with Other Local White Racists. the horse is out of the barn. i have no use for spineless white cowards. who wont take their own side when the shit hits the fan. if anything SHOULD wake a person, its this police violence / police killing in dallas. Dallas should wake up a ton of white people, but it’s NOT, they’re just DOUBLING DOWN on laying down and letting themselves be killed. absolutely disgusting. i mean this is race treason. don’t be a fooking race traitor. god damn. i am sure if i were on facebook i would be TRIGGERED TO THE MOON with white Shitlibs falling all over themselves apologizing and flagellating. you’re THIRTY years old, how can you still be a stupid shitlib? Haven’t you Worked in the Real World long enough after college? but for some, nothing will EVER red pill them. also these people have probably been Professionally Successful and Middle Class ever since leaving college, so they never HAVE to be redpilled or blackpilled.

and i think i had a chance at redpilling her, that she might have been open to Race Reality, but like all women, she needs a smart strong man to guide her. and maybe some other lucky white racist man will make her his aryan waifu and have white babies with her.

but who knows. maybe she became a full black lives matter anticop antiwhite race traitor mudshark. i kinda hope she DOES, as punishment for being so cold and callous to me.

i mean i basically TRUSTED her to NOT leave me in the lurch. trusted her to give it to me straight and not leave me hanging.

its okay to be an antiracist antiwhite leftist when you are 18-21 but after 25, it is absolutely inexcuseable. a leftist after age 25, i mean a white leftist, is absolutely pathetic.

nonwhites, fine, I can totally see why they would be leftists. because the left IS antiwhite.

and white cops shooting black thugs is making whites say IM SO SORRY FOR BEING WHITE. we whites are so problematic. we must mix this original sin out of us. police DESERVED what they got in dallas. they brough it on themselves, and they are also Symbolic of Systemic Racism and how Whites Oppress Blacks with White PRivilege.

so whites double down on this shit. day of the rope for these traitors. if you’re over 25 you have no excuse.

this thread overwhelmingly suggests jcpenney over “crappy” places like mens wearhouse or jos a bank if you are wanting to get a decent suit for the Frugal Man. JCPENNEY. I am getting closer and closer.

i mean the next woman i “date” will probably be some slut who i take out for drinks to get drunk and then she fooks on the first or second date and then I do that, am disappointed and disgusted, and certainly not the type of woman i’d want for the mother of muh children! but i guess i should get as many bangs out of her as possible and maybe even try to dump the woman, so i can get experience dumping a woman hahahaha.

course many sluts will have drunken secs with you once or twice, then just avoid you altogether.

avoiding is a typically womanly way of not dealing with shit. tons of women everywhere throw men away by just avoiding them cold turkey. she is certainly not the first or the last. tons of women do this. women are TERRIBLE at actually dealing with anything.

i expected this type of childish behavior from some average trashy slut……NOT HER.

i mean she was a WOMAN who i ACTUALLY GOT ALONG WITH, and DIDNT HATE hehehehehe.

ME. the worlds biggest woman-hater, actually getting along with a WOMAN, like a human being, really WELL. can you believe it? THATS why this was so SPECIAL. THATS why you cant throw it away like trash. that, and because people and relships ARENT TRASH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! DONT TREAT THEM LIKE TRASH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! when you do it can cause a LOT OF PAIN!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

psychic pain hahahaha. psychological damage hahahaha.

same thing with secs. yeah it can be very pleasureable (supposedly) but it also has the potential to cause a LOT OF PAIN, and also has the potential to CREATE NEW LIFE, so

BE VERY VERY VERY VERY VERY CAREFUL WITH IT. CAREFUL, NOT CARELESS AND CASUAL.

CARE FULL. FULL.

this is how you have to talk to these bitches hahahaha. just totally mansplain in no uncertain terms. they NEED a man to mansplain very simple things.

yeah getting a proper suit would DEFINITELY be a good confidence booster, even moreso than getting a short haircut.

i may never have children of my own because i may never find a woman i luv who is willing to have muh babies, and yes that is sad. i mean i dont want to have babies with any white slut. well, ok i will maybe do that when I am 70 hahahaha. and i will leave a ton of videos and stuff for the children. vidyas for muh heirs haha.

but say some ugly slut falls in luv with me (hasnt happened yet, hahaha), should I just SETTLE and say this is the best im gonna get, thsi woman is WILLING to have my children, so i should do it?????

i dont WANT to have children with a woman I don’t luv the way I luved HER.

just like I dont WANT to get a masterz degree hahahahaha.

dont WANT to get a job in a call center.

I can try to support white children in other ways. like the creepy bachelor uncle who never had kids of his own haha.

besides, its very likely i’ll never make enough MONEY to take care of CHILDREN, let alone MYSELF!

so yeah feels bad man hahahaha.  no man wants to feel like half a man like that!

but yeah its a bad feel when the woman you wanted to be the mother of your children would rather suck ingra dicks than show you a shred of mercy! yeah this will take much closer to 2 years than 1 year to get over.

its already been 1 year and I can say things are WAY better! this shit youre seeing right now, THATS “WAY” better!

me whining about her in every poast and hating all women! that is actually honestly way better than it was. it really is. cuz now i am much better about applying for jobs, going to interviews, and yeah I really DO think about her a little less.

but yeah i am very cynical and hateful and nihilistic too. except for muh race and muh 14 sacred words. but i dont particularly luv white women either, other than you need them for white tradfams and white babies. but i still think they are jooed as fook, and kinda inferior. i am assmad at them. but i appeciate that they are the only ones who can make white babies, so we kinda NEED them.

women give up and run away from shit ALL THE TIME. you think I am the only person who has been dumped this way? every guy has been dumped this way, probably several times, and every woman has DONE this to a guy, probably several times.

this is how BAD women are at COMMUNICATION. they throw people away rather than communicate with them. yet they are TEXTING ALL DAY with their face in their phones. they communicate ALL DAY EXCEPT when it REALLY MATTERS, then they clam up and run away like bitches.

and my case is WORSE because we were NOT just Fooking for a few weeks after meeting on a Dating/Fooking Website. we were real friends who got along with each other very well because we had a lot in common. so yeah that makes it morally worse, and it makes the PAIN worse.

just saying hahahaha.

you shouldnt fook guys you just met. but if you offer it, dont be surprised when guys take you up on it, and dont be surprised when guys dont consider you dating material. yet STILL women will dump the guys! talk about flipping the script! and the guys are so desperate that they will consdier sluts as dating material! and then get dumped quickly after the sluts quickly offer secs!

WORSE THAN BEING ABORTED: STILL ALIVE TO SUFFER

july 7

had interview today, 5 people grilling me, 1 hour and 20 minute interview, 40k job tho damn.

then went on linked in and switched my settings to anonymous mode so i could look at people from my old job. started feeling bad. like damn they can handle taking confusing angry phone calls all day, how come i cant? they found new jobs, the are able to think fast and act quick. oh 3 people from my company went over to this other company. I WONDER if thats where SHE went too. oh i wonder if shes fooking one of those guys then. or maybe she already fooked him and now they hate each other but still work together.

how come just the thought of answering those calls and dealing with those weird problems strikes fear into my heart? i wish i could be AS GOOD as her in the stupid competition of life. compete with her on HER terms and PROVE that I am at LEAST as good as her, can do the same kind of ridiculous work, make the same decent money.

and now she goes on and makes new friends and knows the people we worked with, longer than I knew her….which was a pretty long time. and I am stuck in the past. and she has moved past me, and I am just a faded memory in her past, that she has mostly forgotten.

next on the listening:

diocletian: gesundrian

proclamation: nether tombs of abbadon (terrible reviews, as their well of ideas has run dry and they are just going thru the blasphemous motions. but I sorta think the production sounds best on this one. and I figure each album will sound exactly the same, so production is VERY important here.)

i should be talking about this interview hehehe.

i figure, they interview 5 people, that means you START OFF at a 20% chance of getting the job. then depending on how you do, you go up or down. probably not more than 10% either way.

anyway it was me, and 5 managers, in a room for 1 hour and 20 minutes. 5 people making 25 bucks an hour to spend 90 minutes of Paid Time with ME hahahahaha.

ok did 5 mile walk, listened to those things. i just dont have great headphones. i have 10 dollar headphones when i should invest in some good 50 dollar headphones, but i just cant right now till i establish an income stream other than 2 dollars a week on mturk hahaha. i could only stand about 10 to 14 minutes of the proclamation. but its nice to come back to that noise for 14 minutes a day or so.

the diocletian sounded sorta like angel corpse but with some slow parts. great sound, again hurt by my headphones. great drum and guitar sound, great fast blasts, no triggers like some f4ggy death metal band hahaha.

i just hate sounding incompetent with a caller who wants me to fix a problem, because I AM incompetent, and i DONT know what I’m doing. and i hate that SHE was better at that in the long run than me.

and if you can stay good at that in the long run, you can actually advance in the stupid tech support field. become a tier 2, then a tier 3, then a manager, get jobs at increasingly better companies. you just gotta tough it out. and I couldn’t do it, and she COULD. AND she doesn’t CARE about ME, when I KNOW she once did. she was tough enough to do the job, and to KEEP doing the job a year later, but she wasnt courageous enough to SHOW CARE about ME. fooooooook.

i mean other women have been tougher and more competent than me. better at their jobs. doing tough jobs. cool under pressure. going gets tough, tough get going. other women have Bested me at that competition, but I didn’t care nearly AS much because they showed a lot more courtesy to me when they dumped me. they said sorry that I have to do this. and then went on to become hugely successful in their careers. just like THAT PERSON is going to be. I came CLOSE to looking her up on linkedin today. I thought she might work at this company several people from our company went to.

theres a difference between “taking the black pill” ie looking a unpleasant things, because you might learn a valuable lesson…….vs TORTURING yourself by COMPARING yourself to others unfavorably on linkedin. looking at all those fookin WINNERS on linkedin. or f4gbook or that matter. oh im so successful at muh career. i am not on the verge of a nervous breakdown and im getting MARRIED to a person I LUV and want to make babies with. we just had a baby. were having our second baby. chad just got promoted to Team Lead this year, which meant more money for our growing family. Stacy finished her masters degree in Talent Acquisition which resulted in a big pay raise for her too.

that fooking bullshit successful middle class normie STRIVERS talk about in their christmas card letters!!!!

so yeah. SOME blackpilling is ok, but I don’t think this comparing yourself is really helpful, nor is it legit blackpilling. its more digging yourself into a rut and putting yourself into a bad mood. better to just STOP, and just apply for another job, or go for a 5 mile walk and listen to EVIL raw black metal like blasphemy or proclamation hahahaha.

black lives matter hehehe how about MY life matters. I wanted MY life to matter to HER. not even in a tradwife luv sort of way, but just in GENERAL.  even before i fell in luv her life matter to me, and my life mattered to her. i just wished my life could have mattered to her at the END. rather than being murdered like an aborted child hahahaha.

now i know what that aborted child feels like with the silent scream, as it screams pleeeease mommy dont murder me, and then they get murdered anyway. and then you get to stay alive enough to be able to see that, and think about it for years hahahaha. and you wonder how could your own mother murder you hehehe.

so in a while its WORSE than being aborted! because you are still ALIVE TO SUFFER!!

at least the aborted baby has the privilege of not being able to suffer any more. they are put out of their misery!

july 8

foreveralone feels, an actual 30 year old wizard virgin with a youtube channel whoooooaaaaa

i mean he LOOKS like one! but he also doesnt look TOO bad, or irredemable. its sad.

instantly subscribed.

The “why are women fooked” question is actually really easy: because they don’t have to be good to pass on their genes. They just have to take a dick and keep the baby alive. The men have to slave, fight and die over who gets to keep them.

great quote from great trs thread on how bad women are hahaha

but yeah i might as well be a 30 year old virgin. i had secs 2 times with a gurl when i was 21………AND THEN NEVER EVER AGAIN hahahaha and now I am 30+.

its a really unique situation. there’s no manual for this. the wizards dont understand, the normie chads sure dont understand. i guess people can still advise you: be a stronger, better, man with purpose. then you can keep a woman from dumping you. easier said than done tho hahaha.

huge anti police shooting in dallas, its HAPPENING, 4-5 officers dead, wow, i mean i can honestly say stuff was NOT liek this when I was young. shit is objectively getting BAD.

i meditated on my desire to bang gurls up the ass and I figured it had to do with a desire to PUNISH them and cause them some pain. for not wanting anything to do with me, and also for Playing Around with the LIfe Creation Process so casually.

I was always kinda afraid of the Vag and Secs because I always understood THATS HOW BABIES ARE MADE. this is NOT a casual, fun process. if you want to have PURELY recreational secs, then do it up the ass like mexican sluts or f4gs. that’s the fookhole for people who REALLY dont want to have babies. and i dont want to have babies. babies are a BIG DEAL and Im not ready for that. so i dont want to treat the pvssy like some kind of casual funland.

and women are stupid and inferior for treating their OWN pvssies like that. theyre the ones who GET pregnant!!!! how can they NOT know this and need a man to mansplain it to them? because thats how women ARE. and I was like holy shit that sucks SO MUCH. How can I POSSIBLY respect or even LIKE women. they are DISGUSTING.

so hence the desire to bang them in the ass. to somewhat punish them, and also to show that I wanted to remove ALL chance of conception. well why not just use birth control.

because i’ve ALWAYS believe that BC is flawed. that its putting up an unnatural roadblock to something natural. and you just dont need to do that with the ass. because the ass is not MADE FOR REPRODUCTION. its made for expelling shit.

so yeah still its degenerate to want to put muh dick in an EXIT hole! I fully own and admit that. own muh degeneracy.

well its not like Im going out banging sluts in the ass, or watching porno of it! although I used to. but i havent looked at porno in….242 days.

the shit with the woman WENT DOWN 360 days ago. almost a year.

sent her the last email 326 days ago.

last got a haircut 101 days ago. and I am fully planning on getting a nice very short haircut TODAY.

later. got nice short level 1 haircut! very nice. do this more like every 2 months, not every 3 months. it was looking bad on the sides, like an unemployable loser neet wizard virgin. dont do this. i am scottish with spending money, but in this case, its WORTH THE MONEY. just spend the money and get a haircut every 2 months. they barber didnt even ask about muh JOB hahaha.

also now i look more masculine, like a real ross bay powerlifting black metal skinhead. i would also add 1433 to that, althought the ross bay cult is NOT associated with 1433. but they should really consider it! although the black guy in the band blasphemy hahahaha well i will give him a pass.

BUT really raw drunken satanic black metal is degenerate anyway, and degeneracy and 1433 is like OIL AND WATER.

so, switch all that drunken satan imagery with like Nationalistic War imagery. you can still have those kewl black and white drawings! just instead of goatz and sp00py skellys with goathorns, you can have like soldiers and fuhrers and gunz and tradfams and such.

being CONFUSED SUCKS. it kills your confidence and can lead to Chronic Stress.

also you feel like you are getting early onset dementia or alzheimers at age 35. WTF. that is very frustrating.

or was it just because you smoked too much MJ and drank too much alcohol before age 25? because ya sure did. sure screwed the pooch on that one. dicked the dog. fooked fido.

like worshiping satan and evil is stupid, immature, degenerate, and really doesnt make sense. being a 1433 whyte warrior makes TOTAL sense. 14 words make TOTAL sense. so express THAT in your music.

had stupid dream last night where I dreamed I was looking at pictures of HER, on facebook or instagram or whatever. i saw a photo of her from new years eve where she was kissing a black guy. i reacted with disgust and horror and anger, much like you would expect me to hahahaha. i make no apologies for not liking mudsharking, and I am ESPECIALLY offended when the woman I luv would rather fook and kiss blacks than have anything to do with ME. it really stings the pride knowing a black guy is better at getting the woman of your dreams than you are. and that the woman of your dreams would rather be with a black guy than you, ya racially-aware whyte man.

also IRL she did go out with a black guy but I never saw secsy pictures of that thank god. but the fact is, they were making out and FOOKING. she she suck his dick? most certainly. Did he blast jizz on her pretty face? maybe. did he fook her up the ass? maybe. did he fook her doggystyle and blast on her nice white ass? certainly. did he pound that pvssy with her fine white body pressed up against him while they made out and she sighed in Ecstasy? 100000% yes definitely. things I will never experience with her hehehehe.

And I have always like kissing and making out MORE than secs. it seems so pure and fun and innocent and safe and good. and secs seems so dirty and bad and pornographic and dangerous and bad. not because it is, but because the way the women treat it like its NOTHING. treat it with more reverence.

so I always LIKED making out and kissing more. it means a lot to me. I would have had a LOT of fun making out with her. I had a LOT of fun just making out with gurls. then they would get bored, want secs, and dump me when they correctly ascertained that I wanted a real rel.

i get dumped because i always want a RELATIONSHIP with women hahahaha what a MONSTER I am.

clingy and needy, always wanted a Relationship.

oh well there’s serious rels and then theres casual rels. why do I always want a serious rel?

because I am an OLD SCHOOL WHITE MAN, and I KNOW that sex cannot be treated CASUALLY!

so yeah not only do i think secs is intmate, i think KISSING is kinda intimate too! and i feel a lot more positively towards it than secs, ie its something i can actually enjoy, possibly because it doesnt make babies but still allows you to show affection for your bitch, like cuddling. and its much SAFER and lower RISK, and I think its super FUN and stress free, and I RESENT women for not liking it so much, or thinking its BORING.

if you think somethings boring, YOUR BORING hahahahahahaha.

if you’re BORED, YOURE BORING.

uncle bern might have clued me into that saying.

oh lord their are LATVIANS speaking LATVIAN in the poker room hahahaha.

this is really interesting. yes i luv latvians, they are white as hell. or are they finngolian hahaha. latvians are classic joohaters and ovened 6 gorillion joos in riga in 1943.