PRON IS WORSE THAN BEING A SL00T

jan 26

http://mpcdot.com/forums/topic/8227-why-pornography-is-bad-for-you/#entry190803

i might have linked this already, worth reading again hehe

found it in comments to this vid

wish weev had some cooler people with him and not those dumb women, but women luv weev for reasons i shouldnt’ need to mansplain. they would fly halfway across the world to have weevs babies. and i definitely want weev to have many hwyte babies.

heh i am much more attached and hero worshipping of weev than i am of for example mike enoch. if weev did something disappointing, i would be a lot more disappointed.

i mean im kinda disappointed he’s hanging out with this white slut losers hahahahaha.

had 7 minute conversation with adjacent department colleague. he is way too smart to be in his current job, which is a job i would like to have. but he is a big ideas man who would be very well suited for grad skool IMHO and he is thinking about it and sort of on the fence…..but he is light years ahead of me as far as having a good plan and talking a great game and doing his research, and READING BOOKS, working on a business plan, looking at schools, looking at programs, plus he is more charismatic than me and has a GF who is planning on going to med skool.

full version, without the silly music, of anti-pornography interview by ted bundy MERE HOURS before he was executed, linked early in that MPC thread

nofap is kinda ridiculous, i think the much more important thing is NOPORN. porn is INHERENTLY destructive and horrible, a LOT more than jerking off is. of course when you pair the two, a lot of people get it confused. no you can still jerk off, just dont look at porn. ever. again.

http://mpcdot.com/forums/topic/8227-why-pornography-is-bad-for-you/page__st__100#entry191105

been reading this whole thread. pman has a great effortpoast here.

anyway yeah i talked to this guy who is nice and charming and very smart, he is somewhat like me in that he is currently “underachieving”, but he’s underachieving way less than me because at least he’s above bare minimum, he is well positioned to go to grad school, he has a gf, and seems well adjusted. i should try to hang out with him socially hahahahaha. and while i agree with him on several important points such as a radical reimagining of Education, the destruction of the modern university as we know it, meaningless Credentialism etc, i am SURE he is much more leftist than me, and seeks to make everyone equal, etc. also uhhh i don’t think this guy is technically hwyte hahahahahahahaha. but he is nice and smart and i feel favorably to him.

so is me not disclosing my views, is that disingenuous, or is that Good Tactical Taqqiya? especially since i cant really argue my views well with smart people.

this guy really is a really good drummer, really fun to listen to him rawkkkkkk the fook out on those drums. PLENTY of superfast blasts as well as the more med paced ones. great drum SOUND as well. well done lad.

not sure how much i love the overall production, but the drums sound great and the mellow parts, maybe the heavy guitar is a little fuzzy. a minor quibble.

just exploding with high energy, impossible to believe this is just one guy. but yeah his energetic drumming is the foundation of all that. the rocking bass playing probably helps too. not that bass has any place in black metal hahahahaha. this might be my moment where i finally Get Into Panopticon. shit i even like the phaggy nonmetal parts. none of it sounds insincere. hey maybe all the people saying panopticon was good were on to something.

yasssss ive KNOWN about them/him for a long time, 5 years at least hahahaha.

he does really like those fast blast beats. good for him. i think i would play in a similar style as him if i could actually play drums. i am aiming for the same target as him. the same drumming muse motivates us hahaha.

jan 27

see i like that he does the fast beats over (under?) very melodic, catchy riffs that could just as well work with somewhat slower beats, so you can still totally understand the riff, rather than for example nile who have fast blasts and fast, meaningless, incomprehensible riffs that sound like total wankery. fun, passionate, happy wankery but still wankery.

anyway. day off here. was very tired last night and fell asleep easily. the big surprise was the greatness of the sleep that followed. long, solid sleep, but also filled with interesting dreams which i will try to remember.

one sort of confidence shaking one involved me meeting with muh boss’s boss, who is pretty much an official higher-up, and kind of an intimidating, no nonsense, masculine man who wants to get things done. not very surprising given his professional role. but obv i want him to like me. so he was having a brutally honest talk with me about My Fit with the Organization, how I can see everyone around me has masters degrees and are consummate professionals, so what do I really think about that, heavy implication that i obv dont have a masters degree and am underachieving as fook, i am now an older man, WHY ARE YOU HERE, why arent you doing MORE, and WHAT ARE YOUR CAREER GOALS. that was a direct question. tell me right here and now what you are trying to do with your life, what are your career goals, prove to me that you are a good fit with this team, impress me with your specific career goals. and i was caught off guard and started rambling nonsense, a bad answer, and he saw it immediately because he is very perceptive, and quickly shut it down. ok ok ok i see where you stand, let’s end this meeting now and let you go back to your underachievement. with the heavy implication that i was now marked as the underachieving loser slacker who would never be considered for promotion.

now the reality is, i will never be “promoted” per se, the best that could happen, and I guess that IS muh immediate career goal, is to do such a good job here and now, that IF a better position opened up, I would be the top choice for it. that is, i won’t ever be promoted in this position, i would have to apply and interview for a totally new job. in the sense of req codes and job classifications and unions. all our jobs are kinda strictly defined which certainly is related to The Union.

anyway if he ever had that discussion in real life, and he wouldn’t, if anything it would be my direct manager, who is personality is more….gentle but he still gets a lot of stuff done. I would tell him, I love muh job but obviously want something more substantial, i would love to have more responsibility (hours, money) in this department, i want to be the top candidate here. i’ve been on the fence about masters degree for ever and i think i have legit reasons for that. but your opinion is important and if you push me in that direction, that would help get me off the fence. i just dont want to pay 50 grand for a useless masters degree. would basically be what i would say.

what else. i was a young man living in a house much like how i did at that time, with a ton of other young students. common theme in muh dreams. i was sitting and talking with an “older” woman who was the mother of this gurl I fancied who lived in the house too. this was a real gurl I did once fancy. there was also a young man there who was the gurls brother. i never RL met the mother or the brother. they were talking disparagingly of the woman, that she was a very shallow, judgmental, bitchy young woman, that she only liked you if she could use you, she only liked cool, good-looking people, and treated you like garbage if you weren’t, and this is a bad way to be, and she better change her attitude.

in the dream i was kinda friends with the woman and was thinking wow that’s a little harsh, dont talk about muh waifu like that hahaha. i hope she’s not really like that. but this is her FAMILY saying this about her!

funny enough, i never saw that woman in the dream. in real life, she was a very young, very qt gurl who i was sorta friends with for a while. but she WAS kinda bitchy like that, and also a bipolar, crazy, mudshark slut doing flighty things and prob very good at Ghosting people or throwing them away. she didnt really throw me away, we just kinda drifted apart and really werent that close to begin with.

later in the dream i met with other young women in the house, who were trying to suss out how i felt about that woman. who i liked every though everyone else didnt. i was talking to a Good Looking, Light Skinned Black Gurl who was kinda friendly to me and was possibly open to me banging her. I would much prefer to Bang the other woman and I wasn’t in luv with Race Mixing….but this Black gurl was miraculously good-looking enough to tempt me. believe me that never happens with blacks hahahaha.

i basically tried to very softly state to her that I thought she was good looking, but also that I thought the other (hwyte) gurl was good looking too. I made some great bullshit statement about being 1% attracted to somebody. wish i could remember it. i am a fan of the female form and appreciate all kinds and flavors of female beauty. a good looking gurl is a good looking gurl. certainly you, as a good looking gurl, can appreciate that, hahahahaha.

thats about it. no real lessons in that one, other than yeah i should have listened to other people and not pedestalized that woman, because she was clearly not a great person. and she wasnt! i would have totally dated her though.

she could have been a better person if she had seriously seen a shrink and just kept her legs closed and just made a damn effort to be a better person.  but she had big daddy issues of course. SAD.

i mean i dont think she was that bad of a person. she was just heavily compromised and broken and even if i did date her, i know she would have dumped me quickly and it would have been yugely disappointing. she was very disappointing. because she could have been much much better. fairly smart, great looking hwyte gurl. i blame the father for abandoning her. and the mother, im sure, was at least a little crazy herself. mother married a pretty stable man early in the gurls life but it appeared the damage had already been done. to the mothers credit, she did pretty well with that guy and built a seemingly stable family.

http://mpcdot.com/forums/topic/8227-why-pornography-is-bad-for-you/page__st__180#entry213001

great comment here by millennial former p0rn freak who realized the error of his ways. this yuge thread just gets better and better. prob should permalink it. ok done.

QUOTE

The young man becomes insatiable by 21. Now there isn’t even a hint of affection in the scenes he watches. Love, healthy emotion, and even pleasure itself are passe. ……On it spirals, the curious young id, into French curls of perversion and decadence. Whips. Chains. Anger. Raw frustration. Rage. Hate. Sex is now hate to him. Sex is just ugly, contemptible, shameful: a grim continent of disgusting Freudian urges. Why fight it? Keep going. Keep looking. Keep clicking. There’s salvation, there’s absolution out there somewhere.

Until one day the young man, alone in his onanistic filth and fluid, learns the master lesson of human sexuality. If he is wise, his heart and intuition will lead him there. That lesson is as follows: the sexual impulse is perverted if it is aimed at pleasure alone. There is no greater cause of human heartache than chasing pleasure for pleasure’s sake. All the sexual impulses must be directed toward some higher purpose: strengthening a marital bond or forming a family. Any other avenue of sexuality hijacks the awesome power of your libido and makes a slave out of you.

I quit porn. I quit any kind of sexual titillation not involving a real, living woman I love and with whom I wish to raise a family.

I only wish I’d been given this prime directive more forcefully as a child.

END QUOTE

big march for life today in DC, almost forgot about this. they should have this at LEAST twice a year, ideally every week or day. i think its a good opportunity for pro-hwytes to be visible and active. get richard spencer at this thing hahaha. they are incorporating Gays For Life, which is not the best way to go imho. well….i dunno. on the fence about that. if it can help overturn roe v wade, then it would be good. and then we could focus on turning down the gay degeneracy. IMHO i think abortion is the bigger problem. that commonplace, feminist-related, straight-WOMAN-related degeneracy is a more pressing issue than gay degeneracy.

so  i dont read enough books hahahaha. i did an impulse buy of this book. i was looking at bowling alone, which is somewhat of a classic. then remembered when i talked to my intelligent colleague yesterday, he mentioned bowling alone as well, and said putnam did another book on education. i THINK he was talking about “our kids.” that would prob be more up my alley right now. almost bought that one, then read some critical reviews saying “coming apart” was better, on a sim topic, and less PC. plus i had heard about “coming apart” ever since it came out and I have respected murray ever since the bell curve which i bought like 5 years ago hahahaha. also its PAYDAY so this is muh gift to myself. plus it talks about HWYTES directly in the title. ok i’ll bite.

also i look for books where you can get a used hardcover book for a decent price. got a 60/40 shot here, not in your favor.

ok big task for the day is go to store. aiming to do that at 6pm.

just wanted to say for all i talk about pr0n, im not really tempted to watch it, and im greatful for that. but it ULTIMATELY wouldnt matter if i were tempted every single day, as long as 1. i realized it was bad, 2. AND i resisted the temptation.  so i would stand in moral solidarity with the men that are really STRUGGLING there, fighting the good fight. i am no better than them. if anything this shows you the temptation is only temporary. this too shall pass.

tbh im MUCHHHHHHH more tempted with MJ. i think about it ALL THE TIME, several times a day. if i HAD any, i WOULD be indulging in it every day.

in a way, being a habitual porn user is WORSE than a woman being a dirty slut. because she STILL doesnt watch PORN.

think about it. the pathetic foreveralone atomized virgin with 31 tabs of weird porn. cant talk to gurls. sees secs as jooish narcissistic pleasure only. with no idea how to relate to other people. at least the slut has better social skills! the slut isnt shutting herself away from people and hasnt stunted her ability to deal socially with the opposite secs!

in fact, in dealing with REAL HUMAN SECS rather than the fake illusion of porn, the woman has MUCH more occasion to view sex as a human act. because it isnt such a SOLITARY pursuit for her. the human, two-person nature of secs is MUCH harder for the slut to deny, than for the pathetic neet constantly jerking off to videos, by himself, never experiencing that with another living person.

so its probably HARDER to become a slut than to become a porno addict neet hehehe. because to become hard to Actual Human Interaction like that and STILL DO IT indicates a VERY poor moral character. i think its easier to fall into porn than to fall into sluttery in other words. porn is a MORE slippery slope.  cuz its JUST YOU. only you and the weird, twisted world you’re creating, no one else there to help pull you back from that abyss.

its easier to associate secs with Human Bonding when you are having actual secs with an actual person, in other words. so yeah the women that CAN do that I think are even WORSE off than the most hardened pathetic porno neets.

and if you “gave” these porno neets a real woman, that might be like a harsh wake up call to the Human Element of secs, which might get them to quit porn. but porn obviously DRAINS your Social Capital and Charisma and makes it much less likely you could get a real woman to consent to secs with you. so i guess the best solution is to spend decent money to get an attractive hooker. because hookers are still humans hehehehe. unlike porn. not saying those gurls arent humans either, because they are. they are probably the most pathetic of all. but no way the hardened porn jerker is gonna udnerstand that.

its just such a bad shitty thing and i cant believe more normie men dont realize it. they might not become daily, 31 tab porn addicts, but they still beat off to it once a week and think its harmless, fun, hot, sexy. thats bad enough!!!!!! even if they still havent been harmed enough so that they can’t pull human women.

like guys who have a GF they have regular secs with but STILL watch porn. i GUARANTEE the porn will EVENTUALLY cause a problem. and with good reason, because it IS a real problem.

anyway im just thankful i am not tempted by it and i have not watched it in well over a year. like 15 months maybe.

wish i could just as easily not want to smoke MJ. i dont know how im gonna do that. with porn i simply stopped watching it. MJ i havent even smoked in like 4 months but still think about it every day.

heh why havent i looked for an MPC thread on MJ. theres gotta be one.

oh right. because they either dont have a SEARCH function, or, more likely, i am too low-rep to use it or even see it. doesnt make much sense tho. i mean the forum is largely open to read to the public, why not make it searchable. can google do it?

https://mpcdot.com/forums/topic/7920-marijuana-not-even-once/

ok you CAN use site:mpcdot.com to search the site at google.

https://mpcdot.com/forums/topic/287-critiques-of-legalization/

first one is prob more relevant.

anyway. i think i ALWAYS had an IDEA that porn was somehow wrong. gross and ugly and not realistic. but i used it ANYWAY. but i dont think my heart ever became completely closed. i was aware it might be hurting my behavior with real women, but i did it anyway.

i didnt think it was a huge problem, because i didnt spend hours looking at it at a time. i didnt have 31 tabs open. but maybe i had 10 tabs open! and i used it most days! even if it was just 10 minutes, go to a trusted source, and rub one out. that was bad enough. thank god i never got to the point where i had huge hours-long porn marathons, just looking and looking and looking.

but damn if i didnt still graduate to weirder and weirder stuff anyway!

and i think it did make me hate women, because i thought that those real-life sluts had reduced their real-life sex to something crude and disgusting just like this porno!

and now that i’m fully aware of exactly how disgusting and wrong porn is, i STILL think real life sluts treat their real-life sex like this, which makes me have extreme contempt for them…….but they probably DONT, so i SHOULDNT hate them so much. they probably STILL feel some human connection.

when i was looking at porn, i KNEW it was lacking the human connection, and that the human connection was something I really WANTED. but i did it anyway because i was horny. just wanted to see some naked young girls fooking and doing increasing weird stuff. but i still wanted a gf and a rel and cuddles and luv. i knew that the porn was at the very least WEIRD and not realistic, but i guess i accepted it as an imperfect Substitute. its actually a hell of a lot less harmless than that. i certainly didnt realize how harmful it was.

even NOW i believe it still affects the way i view women! thats probably the worst long term harm its done to me. i wish i could undo it. i am cautiously optimistic More Years without porn will help here. but point is, even a year plus cannot completely undo it. its LONG TERM shit.

like you see a woman inadvertantly show cleavage while leaning over, and you think Automatic Negative Thoughts like that dirty slut. sex means nothing to her. she fooks guys and throws them away, the sociopath. and that is almost certainly not true. you are looking at reality COMPLETELY WRONG. heh. that is humbling and hard to accept.

A person’s success in life can usually be measured by the number of uncomfortable conversations he or she is willing to have.

signature of “marketing guru” on MPC who has a pciture of tim ferriss for his pic hahaha. looks like tim ferriss is the originator of the quote too hahahaha. well he’s kinda a BELLEND but i kinda like some of the things ferris says, and this is one of them

i read part of 4 hour work week in 2012 and kinda wish i hadnt gotten rid of the book, i think i purged it as “jooish degeneracy” but he’s not really jooish. he is a very successful hwyte man who despite being kinda sleazy has said some powerful things hehehe. has lessons to teach.

QUOTE from pman: But what really sets them apart is that they struggle to relate to other people, which comes across clearly online and must be glaringly apparent in real life. What’s also apparent is that porn consumers operate with a strikingly high level of baseline depression, which they use porn (among other things, probably) to combat.

end quote hehehe. like i say, great thread, good reason ive permalinked it in the sidebar. i hope the MJ thread can help quell my urge to do MJ hehehe. which as ive said is a MUCH bigger threat atm than porn. ive pretty much solved muh pron problem thank god (although still feel the long term residual effects!!!!) but at least I dont WANT it the same way i’ve CONSTANTLY WANTED MJ.

https://mpcdot.com/forums/topic/7920-marijuana-not-even-once/

lets link this one again hehehe. dis gon B gud.gif. this might even graduate to the sidebar.

well it is pretty gud. i should read this every time i want to smoke MJ. ie, erra day hahaha. just wish it was 28 pages like the porn thread instead of only 4 pages.

http://takimag.com/article/has_pot_become_a_hard_drug_gavin_mcinnes

gavin mccuck writes for takis which is a halfway decent “gateway to the alt right” site. hes actually a decent writer even if he is a weak cuck married to an asian joo with little mixed kids. terrible. sad. but this article sees him smokin modern MJ and getting a panic attack. and basically he is becoming more anti-MJ now that he sees how STRONG the stuff is.

whats worrisome is i would get panic attacks and paranoia and STILLLLL want to smoke it!!!!!

yeah pretty good thread, needs to be longer tho. and uhhh i still wanna smoke MJ. god damn it hehehehe.

i actually took a pretty much full dose of nyquil at 7pm after coming back from the store, did my Goal for the day thank god. then had nyquil. then drank some coffee because i wanted to play cards for a little. actually did ok today. left with more than i came in with. 4 to 6. that does not happen most of the time hahaha.

about to go to bed now. this is why i took the nyquil, so i could sleep long time when i did go to bed. guess i could have just taken it now hahaha. 1030pm.

saor aura album. pretty sure i like saor better than panopticon but its nice to hear panopticon drumming for saor on this album because he’s such a good drummer and he brings his great style and sound to this album.

 

 

 

 

 

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WHAT GOOD DOES IT DO ME?

dec 3

https://www.youtube dot com/watch?v=C2hOJR0hIBY

this “woman” looks like a man, and should not be wearing something so unflattering, and looks part nonwhite, BUT she is appearing on redice, who are Legit Vetted Good Goys and worthy of support, talking about the evils and degeneracy of Jooish Pornography, so thats pretty cool. i just saw this, have not listened yet.

but with a great name like “PORNOGRAPHY: WEAPONIZED DEGENERACY” I got a DOUBLE BONER and downloaded it IMMEDIATELY for listening very soon on a powerwalk! they just should not have put “her” wearing that in the thumbnail. jeez she is so ugly in that picture it undermines all of our credibility hahahahaha. still anything about PORNOGRAPHY: WEAPONIZED DEGENERACY HAS to be a good talk, good lesson, good message.

 

really you should listen to the three hour mix three times a day hahahahahahaha

when we were young, once in a great while we would find a song that was so mind blowingly awesome that we made a “mix cd” of that one song on repeat for 74 minutes.  this one would definitely qualify! although I was not aware of it at that time unfort. Oh I knew about the movie but had no interest in it and had no knowledge of the music.

here is one of those songs hehehe. for some reason we gravitated to ridiculous 80s style “cock rock.”

i am shilling for red ice today. now i dont like how this guest woman dresses like a HOOKER with the eye makeup and earrings and showing the tits, but uh i will try to listen to this one as well. but yeah even though henrik and lana are All Right, sometimes they do have weirdass guests who are jooish or antiwhite hahahaha so just because somebody is ON red ice doesnt mean they are automatically good.

but yeah what red ice is doing, creating their own alt right, pro white media platform/network, is exactly what whites need to do. create a white, joo-free media. our own news, our own tv and radio, and of course podcasts are a great part of this, and its already happening, THANK GOD.

yeah i know red ice did weird alex jones conspiracy shit years ago, but i forgive them hahahaha.

henrik and lana just need to have 3+ children and hire some white men to do red ice.

i would become a sustaining member of red ice but their prices are too damn high hahahahaha.

65 euros a YEAR?  that is like 66 dollars a year. i would maybe do 20.

i mean they DESERVE it, i just cant/dont want to dnate that much!

i mean its more for ME than THEM, so i can FEEL GOOD about myself, and really i need all of THAT i can get!

there is this catholic church sorta near me that is geared towards polish people, and i hear that polish catholics are some of the most hardcore Based Catholics hahahaha. they are proud of their polish blood and dont have open arms for a bunch of screaming asians and mestizos and browns and arabs which you see in many cath churches. plus i have some polish blood and love poles. love them. would love a nice polish gurl for a qt 3.1488 waifu. poland is definitely a top tier european country.

problem is this place doesnt just have one polish mass a week, they have nothing BUT polish mass and EVERYTHING is in polish, church website, church bulletin/newsletter.

actually this is not a problem at all, this is a fookin BENEFIT. cuz it means they are traditional and old school as fook.

so i could just go there and be like

¯\_ツ_/¯   ¯\_ツ_/¯     ¯\_ツ_/¯     ¯\_ツ_/¯     ¯\_ツ_/¯       ¯\_ツ_/¯      ¯\_ツ_/¯

and say dzien dobry, jak sie maz (????), sto lat, dzienkuje, boze dobry, boze dobrze rzarzarzarza, ja nie movi polakiu, and then they would say oh look hes trying, how nice, then they could hook me up with their 19 year old virgin daughter who could teach me polakiu hahahaha and i could put babies in her for 14k a year hahahahaha.

sheeeeeeit those women are TOO GOOD for me!

乁(⏓ ͜つ⏓)ㄏ

2016-12-03-20_36_03-cardamom-0-02_0-04-no-limit-holdem-replay-13464295

this fookin guy makes a huge raise when he flops a pair of 8s. glad i agressively went all in instead of thinking he had AA and folding! or 88 or 66 or 22 hehehe.

no thats not 7 dollars and 45 cents, thats .00745 btc, which is…. 5 dollars and 71 cents. YIKES. well the price of BTC has gone up pretty steadily since i started playing this shit like 2 years ago.

so yeah if i had any BALLS like a REAL MAN i would have gone to this polish church 11 fookin years ago!!!!!!!

fooking reddit relships and their different secs BEST FRIENDS. you shouldnt have a BEST FRIEND who is the opposite sex!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

and IM the weirdo and sexist and hateful racist violent trump supporter for thinking this!!!!!!!

or IM weird because i think open relationships are shitty and bad. im being too judgmental and intolerant of peoples valid choice.

well to be fair, reddit says that MOST people

dec 4

 

i am gradually warming up to emily youcis. normally i am very very very very suspicious of women in the movement, but she doesnt seem TOO bad. plus i immediately get more sympathy for the women once they LOSE something like their job or their freedumz. and so she was recently fired by k1ke company aramark (i applied for office clerk job there, no response hahaha) after working for 7 years selling pistachios at the baseball stadium. fired for “social media” reasons.

yeah i mean maybe this was part of her plan and she’s prob not gonna go homeless or sucking dick for a place to stay (not that most women dont already do that anyway hahahahahahahahahaha)

anyway. so i am always judging women for being hookers and sluts and wh0res and promiscuous and degenerate, but in the end, do those things really impact me directly? why do i hate sluts so much? that woman wasn’t a slut! she hurt me through ways that did not involve sluttiness AT ALL!

yeah well in the PAST ive def been hurt by women who were into the slutty casual sex mindframe. also i just find it very distasteful and immoral and degen and a sign of the cultural and spiritual degen which we must fix in our people. and yes it represents something i WANT but cant seem to get, which is given away so freely to Everyone Else but I am fundamentally broken and unable to obtain.

and also i am judgmental against the things that that woman DID do, like avoiding shit like a coward, i dont like that either hahaha.

ok well here’s a good point: at least i never really became a beta orbiter friendzone!!! or if i did, it ended pretty damn quickly!

it kind of proves that i basically will not LET MYSELF become a pathetic supplicating beta orbiter. i eventually have to rip the bandaid off and be like, here’s the obvious truth which i can’t believe you’re not seeing. I CANT GO ON THIS WAY hahahaha.

going to church on sunday today instead of saturday. going to church that is probably better than the one i usu go to. less cucky and marxist and antitrvmp and leftwing. less cucking for DIVERSITY and UNITY and VIBRANCY and all that shit. shit no wonder that church is full of weird asians and this other church seems to have more whites. shit why dont i just go to this other church regularly. or go to that damn polish church. IT DOESNT MATTER that i dont speak polish. i could learn and besides them speaking polish is a YUGGGGGGGGGGGE value add!!!!!!! its a GREAT thing!

yep starting new 13k job tomorrow. kind of a big deal. nervous. dont want to screw it up. dont want to look like a WEIRD IDIOT. just want to do a good job. not just a good job, but a GREAT job and really impress everyone.

sheeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeit i should have been getting BOOKS related to my NEW FIELD the instant i knew i was hired, and devouring those books to get a good frame of reference, big picture view, maybe some small picture view too, reading the books The Director reads for his PhD, which is of course related to his masters degree and what he does now, The Department, what books are most relevant to this job and this department, thought leaders, bla bla. i quickly bought a book right now so that i could say i at least placed my order for the book before i started the job hahahaha but why i didnt do this 2 weeks ago so i could have had the books and started reading them by now…….hmm maybe i am not serious about making 13k a year with no benefits, maybe WALMART would be a better fit with my career skills.

dumped because he couldnt read the gurls stupid mind. i GUESS shes ENTITLED to dump him for whatever stupid reason she wants, but when the reason is THAT stupid, just candy coat it and dont GIVE an exact reason. i mean thats just a BAD REASON. just say I’m not compatible with you. it’s not you its me. that would be better than saying some stupid ass shit like that.

hehe i made the mistake of initially assuming the “best friend” OP of the gurl was another gurl. hehehe. sounds like he is deeply in luv with her and is in complete denial. but not looking at that, she still should not be Ghosting her friends.

i mean this guy is cringey and beta orbiter AF, and theres a very important lesson to learn there, but she still shouldnt be Ghosting him like a coward, throwing away 3 years of friendship, and getting her new bf to laugh at him and call him pathetic (which he is.)

dont be like this pvssy phaggot. but at least he is getting a CS degree so he might be making 30k a year by age 22. that is a pretty good move.  i mean its still risky because i worked with CS grads doing the exact same phone bullshit as me.

bonus points for OP having mad anxiety and panic attacks that feel like heart attacks and he is so confused hhahaha.

better when you are 21 than 31!

then reddit shreds this kid for being a sexist, creepy niceguy, which he kind of IS, but this ISNT the way to deal with that. you have to show some sympathy for these poor sad bastards. theyre not the bad horrible people you think they are !!!!!!!!

he doesnt need to “RESPECT” her wishes because they’re not respectable. just use the word ACCEPT. ACCEPT her stupid, unrespectable wishes, and let her get fooked by chad. the end.

grieve and have legitimate suffering because your friend of 3 years didnt give a DAMN about you as a human being. i feel your pain man. that sucks. this is the sympathy he’s not getting ANY of and he should.

anyway. i wish you COULD be Just Friends with a woman before Dating and Fooking and Relshiping them, because unless I am Friends with a Woman, i really just dont LIKE them. the way they approach Relships is degenerate and infuriating. I just dont like it. rustles the shit out of me.

I wish you COULD get to know a woman as a friend, be like this is a really good person and i like them, maybe I can try a deeper rel with them, i think they would make a decent GF or wife. i wonder if she will be willing to try that.

NOPE. NEVER WILL. thats what the friendzone is hahahaha. if you dont fook her like a n1993r within 2 days of meeting her, you dont have a chance with making her your GF or wife.

i just hate how the J’s are dumbing us down and jooing us down and morally corrupting us all down into n1993rs.

If you don’t like the word n1993rs, just call em animals. they are turning us all into filthy, dumb, dirty, disgusting ANIMALS.

I AM NOT AN ANIMAL!!!! I AM A HUMAN BEING!!!!!

anyway yeah this reddit niceguy hate is just way out of line. niceguys arent THAT bad. have some damn SYMPATHY for them. save some of that judgment for the women, who in many cases are being huge bitches to the niceguys.

but yeah this guy needs to stay away from this gurl, and there needs to be more blame directed at HER.

when you are begging and bribing somebody to hang out with you. it IS pathetic tho! but its SAD. he doesnt even REALIZE hes in LUV with her. at least I REALIZED that. and i STOPPED contacting her eventually. let her run off and fook animals.

and yeah it would help that guy to go to a shrink, but good lord dont tell him you are SUPER FOOKED UP and must see a shrink NOW if you have any chance of not being a horrible person. they hate these nice guys almost as much as they hate TRVMP or WHITE PEOPLE.

i was thinking in an ideal world, i would just get a dr to prescribe me Medical MJ for Despair and Anxiety, just like getting an RX for Citalopram and Valium. Which I have already gotten RX’s for.

so in an ideal world, despair and anxiety would be legal medical Qualified Conditions for MMJ.  but they arent.

anyway i was thinking, go to semi shady MMJ doctor and be like listen, so i dont have cancer or back pain like most of the people, but i dont want to bullshit you and say i have CARPAL TUNNEL pain when i really dont, but here’s something I REALLY DO HAVE, and have taken RX’s for YEARS to PROVE it, i know they arent TECHNICALLY conditions, but…..hey i’ll buy ya dinner right now, you’re pretty hungry from writing recommendations all day arent ya goy? bubby?

the thing is, i could say that my TREATMENT for OTHER CONDITIONS causes SPASMS, and then i could get MMJ for that. yeah but it doesnt. but i think citalopram causes spasms for some people hahahahaha.

basically the TREATMENT for something Unqualifying, gives me a Backdoor into Qualifying.

but not really, because this treatment doesnt cause spasms or severe pain!

https://www.reddit.com/r/altright/comments/5e7rbu/emily_youcis_animator_of_alfred_alfer_ama/

meh i guess i will approve of emily, she seems to be sincere. hope her animation bcomes less degenerate and she seems to be aware that by joining the alt right and becoming pro white, you kinda HAVE to hold yourself to a higher moral standard and actively purge the degeneracy from your own life.

but she’s only been into this for less than 6 months! i have been into this for like 6 years!!!!!!!

heh i dont really care as long as she is sincere and doesnt stop being pro white. she talks about losing friends and such and purging people. this is good.  purge the dead weight and bad influences from your life. Traditional Morality will alienate you from degenerate animalistic losers. you dont want them to be your friends anyway.

fine i will HUHWHYTE KNIGHT for emily even though shes probably taken MILES AND MILES of dick, prob even nonwhite (no real proof.) but i am willing to forgive, if there is TRUE repentance.

well i dont really like these super big bewbs gurls plus she will probably start to get very potato looking when she gets older. but at age 26 right now she is pretty qt, would hang out with hahahahahahahaha.

i mean better late than never amirite. im no saint myself. you know what they say, all saints have a past and all sinners have a future!

i went to this other church this morning and it was 100000000000000 times better than the one i usually go to. not only was it less boring and faster, there were a lot more whites, some qt young white women as well! i mean i already KNEW this for at LEAST a YEAR!!!!!

like the priest at my regular church, nice guy, good guy, but a pathetic cuck shitlib who is soooo shocked at the hate and racism and intolerance of the whitelash, and desperately wants to overcompensate and Reach Out to Mudslims to show them Not All White Christians are hateful rednecks.

whereas at the other church, no mention of this stuff, just a bunch of happy white people, including many under-40’s.

all the whites at my usual church are well over 40 hehehehe. plenty of nonwhites.

shit. starting NEW JOB tomorrow. have been doing laundry. planning on bringing 1 dozen donuts tom morning. ask people about their families. ask about what are good books for me to read about this field. i am already reading bla bla by bla bla. here’s some donuts. do you guys drink coffee? i can bring in some folgers, i have some extra folgers at home. sorry its not top shelf, but i can bring in a little top shelf closer to xmas. heres some donuts in the meantime. how many kids u got. where are they going to college? tell me about your graduate program. what do you think about the 14 words hahahaha. so how about that election hahahahaha.

can i take a tough phone call right now? what are the toughest problems you get in here from your “customers”? whats the best way to bullshit them and give them the runaround and say it cant be fixed, it is what it is, you dont have to like it hahahahaha jk i know we go above and beyond for our clients wink wink nudge nudge amirite?

besides, everybody knows that when “it is what it is” just wont cut it, you have to bring out it is what it IS what it is what it is. then that fixes everything. that explains everything. that gets angry people to say OH NOW I GET IT, im so sorry for being such a huge bitch. now that i realise that it is what it IS what it is!!!!! see before, i was thinking it IS what it is.

mother fooking phaggot cvntz hahahaha.

i was thinking i dont DESERVE a woman Without A Past, because IIIIII have a past myself!!!!!!!!!!!

ok fine, but i DO insist the woman is TRULY REPENTANT of her degenerate past! says I am ashamed of my past, i never want to have another abortion, or fook another nonwhite, or have any more casual sex!!!!!! its disgusting and here’s why! I REGRET doing all that.

rather than someone that says oh that makes me who i am, i’m not ashamed, i have no regrets.

GOOD PEOPLE HAVE REGRETS.

shit I have tons of regrets, tons of shame, tons of remorse and repentance for all the degenerate animal shit IVE done. so I DO want THAT much from muh formerly degenerate waifu hahahaha.

if you dont have regrets, I DONT WANT TO KNOW YOU hehehehe.

the bad shit youve done SHOULD be regretted.

muh dbt book says to try not to be judgmental. notice all the times you make a judgment throughout the day, bad OR good, and just let them float away like leaves on a stream.  just observe stuff mindfully and without judgment.

this struck me as kinda weird. i can see trying to stop your bad judgments, but the good ones too?

i mean i make 148800000000000000000000000000000000000000000 negative judgments a day. every damn person i see i judge them. i was sitting in church watching the nice white people coming back from communion and i was judging each and every one of them harshy: fatty. f4ggot. dirty dago. ugly. fat slob. pig. dog. disgusting animal. sissy. nice haircut phaggot. nice manbun phaggot. nice potato shaped body. your kids are brats. your wife is a slut. you have dyed hair, you must be a slut. how many cox you take. how many black guys. how many abortions. wow, fat AND a smoker, youre in great health, you no self discipline weakling.

i mean its truly ridiculous how many negative judgments i make about people, many many many times a day. so YEAH i AGREE, trying to be conscious of that and not doing that would be a GREAT step for me.

really i am nowhere NEAR as HATEFUL and judgmental when i am with actual real people. i always think the best of them.

but from a distance, when i am alone just thinking of people in the abstract, or people watching people from a distance, god damn, its a hugeass hatefest!!!!!!

no not violent hate, but still very bitter butthurt negative pessimistic cynical recrimination!

and WHAT DOES IT GET ME?

HOW DO I BENEFIT?

WHAT GOOD DOES IT DO ME?????

NOTHING!

at a more moderate level, it would have been a natural response to people who have hurt me in the past with slutty or immature or fat or ugly or irresponsible behavior.

but the healthy way for me to do that is to say, ok, here are some red flags to watch out for, but im not gonna look for those red flags in EVERYBODY, and im sure not gonna get MAD about it if they havent done anything to ME.

but yeah. its like my automatic reaction to seeing a person, is to have a NEGATIVE JUDGMENT about them. this is not good!

fat, ugly, slut, phaggot, degenerate. usually one of those. douchebag, asshole, bitch, weirdo, autist, spazz, moron.

i cant stop judging people hahahahaha.

STILL, i INSIST that its worse for women to go out there and let themselves be used as pieces of sex meat, that it is for pathetic omega virgins to jerk off to jooish porn. because in one you have essentially two people hurting each other, in the other, you have one loser hurting himself.

but dont get me wrong, porn is horrible and i am ASHAMED and REGRETFUL that i ever looked at it. well, that i looked at it so MUCH.

and tbh, i was only a little above average i think for American Men Of My Generation. Many men are much, much worse. i was nowhere NEAR a Porn Addict.

hmm sorta watching this movie the lost weekend, i mean i had watched this intently a few years ago, and i think after i stopped drinking as well, and had gained some Understanding of the Baffling Cunning “Disease”, and i still found the movie disappointing and corny, and for some reason it seems better now.

i mean ive been on the straight and narrow path here for the last damn 7 years basically. no booze, a little bit of MJ though. not enough imho hahahahahahaha. gradually became more Alt Right, more JQ, less degen, more principled, just a better person hahaha. although unfort more of a virgin neet loser too hahahaha.

well its been up and down tho. ebb and flow.

was driving home and saw this fat guy and his fat wife in my neighborhood who are always sitting in their backyard smoking cigarettes and being fat, and i thought wow, fat and smoking, good choice buddy, and then i thought ok i shouldnt JUDGE him, he very well could be a very very very nice kind man, very courageous, very strong. nobody is perfect, me neither, and so he just happens to be a fat smoker. nobodys perfect and what if he’s very very nice.

how often do i need to bring in donuts? i dont want to more than once every 2 weeks.

you gotta ask the right questions. what if i ask the WRONG questions? what if i ask DUMB questions???!!?!

so show them i am smart by quoting Big Thought Leaders in this Education Related Field. I read some education books right? hehehe yes the only education books i read were “dumbing us down” by gatto and “the unschooling handbook” by some woman.

both very anti establishment sort of stuff. but which may be considered moer establishment in 2016.

i mean i really SHOULD be more interested in the Field of muh job. which all I will say it is SOMEWHAT education related.

so yeah i think education is bullshit ahhahahahahhahahahaha. all education should be handled by parents.

yeah well what about college level stuff. the job im doing COULD ACTUALLY BE LEGIT USEFUL to a HUHWHYTE NATION as regards “homeschooling” college/grad level material to Learners. It’s GOOD because it can put you into direct contact with Experts and Instructors while minimizing the JOOISH DEGEN (((((COLLEGE EXPERIENCE))))), i will just say that.

MINIMIZING IT!

so yeah this is actually a REALLY good position to be in and i shoul dbe  MOAR grateful!

maybe i should bring bagels instead of donuts? i mean i will actually eat bagels later if people dont eat them all. its easier to save and eat bagels later than donuts.

now you could still use this technology to deliver jooish marxist frankfurt skool degeneracy and mindkilling soulkilling poison into the brains of students, but again, its just a TOOL, that can be used for good OR for bad.

if it helps even one white neet get a good paying job one day, then its worth it.

so in a way, i am working in support of my Dream Career by Helping White Neets.  UP FROM NEETNESS.

well, if they are doing education, technically they are not a neet then hahahahahaha. well how about neets who are only involved in education, because its a LOT easier to go to college than to Get A Job. you just pay shitloads of money (take out loans) and go to some shitty school hahahaha.

honestly just go to your local community college. i PROMISE you its not THAT shitty. better than fookin DEVRY. talk about fookin SKYPES.

besides, to get a good job, you cant just have book knowledge and do good in online college courses. you have to be good with PEOPLE. CUSTOMERS. you have to have MAD CHARISMA and not be autistic!

so how do all these autists get jobs?

uhh the ones that dont get stem degrees from good colleges DONT! they become neets!

so would i feel more comfortable lying to the MMJ doctor about Carpal Tunnel or Back Pain, or Lying about getting Spasms from the meds i take for muh Severe Despair?

great now the poor beta orbiter kid who was in love with his female friend was bullycided into removing his post. because hes such a HORRIBLE PERSON. good lord they hate these pathetic niceguys more than they hate Raepists. seriously. right now he is probably blaming the shit out of himself for being such a horrible person. and he wont let himself grieve properly for a relationship that “didnt exist.” yeah well if he knew her for THREE YEARS it DID exist, no matter how close she felt to HIM, no matter what these degenerate bullies on /relships say.

THAT KID IS BACK ON THE ESCALATOR!

there is ANOTHER post about an opposite secs best friend at the top of the relships hotlist!

GUESS WHAT /R/RELSHIPS, WHEN YOUR “BEST FRIEND” IS THE OPPOSITE SECS, RIDICULOUS DRAMA ENSUES!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

i guess you can be “friends,” but to identify as “best friends”? HELL NO.

sheeeeeeeeeit tuff times buddy. im sure reddit will say he is a horrible person for thinking he is entitled to something.

yep sad shit man. well at least you can do your JOB and shit you got a NEW JOB within 8 months of getting heartbreakingly dumped! so id say youre doing pretty well. just work 80 hours a week at your new job and smoke MJ the rest of the time. use MJ to bribe tinder wh0res into nihilistic secs hahahaha.

did i get jealous because they were leaving me, or did they leave me because i was getting jealous?

i think i kept my jealousy under wraps PRETTY DAMN WELL until it became clear they were pulling away from me, talking to other guys, and then i’d say i had a PRETTY GOOD REASON to get jealous hehehehe.

so yeah i dont eer push women away because i am “THE JEALOUS TYPE.”

heres a good quote from this one:

”   [–]PaHoua 4 points 49 minutes ago
If you’re the one broken up with, it is very likely you’ll take much longer to move on than the dumper. That person has already been “mourning” the loss of the relationship for a long time and when they finally came to terms with it is when they decided to commit to the action of dumping you.
Think of it like the five steps of grief: 1. Denial; 2. Bargaining; 3. Anger; 4. Depression; 5. Acceptance.
When she reached Acceptance, you weren’t even aware of what was to come. Then she dumped you. You moved into Denial.
This happened to me. I moved back and forth between all of the stages until I got into Acceptance. He was dating within weeks and probably earlier, whereas I remained in between stages for a couple of years.
It takes as long as it takes. That’s all anyone can tell you.     ”

wow a woman saying something very reasonable hahahahaha

 

MEN UNDERSTAND BEING A WOMAN BETTER THAN WOMEN DO

LONG  9000 word POST!!!!!!!!!!

nov 16 2016

ok went to urgent care place to do job related physical and tb test. the place is a big health care company and i do not trust. would not want to work there. felt very sorry for the people who had to work there, forced to treat people as numbers, process people like cattle, even blacks and nonwhite dont deserve to be treated like that so UrgentCareInc can make more damn shekels. there was a white male about my age at the front desk and he was constantly on the phone talking about HR and DOT and stuff, and hopefully not being given a runaround or forced to give a runaround. the place was so busy they needed 2 people at the front desk. the place was huge in the back office and had a ton of nurses and assistants.

the nurse/assistant who helped me was a 50 year old woman who sounded like she smoked 10 packs a day. but she was white. she said her daughter recently became a Schoolteacher and she was surprised at how much they WORK. I said I know, it’s not what people think, those teachers are doing a ton of unpaid work every day, they get run ragged, i wouldnt want to be a teacher!

was very quick and short and curt, as was the doctor who came next, probably so they can get as many people in and out. these people move so FAST I am left with a sense of what the hell just happened? this is a LOT faster than my Speed Of Life.

there were some black women working the front and back desk. i was very nice to them. i am always very nice to everybody i talk to, white or nonwhite.

i didnt know what the tb test entailed. it entailed pricking my arm with a tb protein or something, then i have to go back in 48 hours so they can “READ” it. but no more than 72 hours. 24 hour window of time. i dont like getting pricked with needles, i hate needles, but this one was pretty minor.

nurse said take off your clothes and put these paper clothes and shorts on, doctor will be in in a few minutes. she left and i was like uhhhhhhhh cant i just wear muh t shirt and underoos? am i supposed to get fully nude and put this god damn paper gown and paper shorts on? wtf? so i said well, i will be a good goy and get fully nude and put this stupid shit on. the doctor can make fun of me if he wants. i didnt take a shower today, jokes on him, i just wiped muh crotch and balls with a paper towel, soap and water hahahahahaha. if hes an arab doctor he probably has similar hygiene hahahahaha.

he was a white male doctor! and there was no ball cupping, ball touching, or anything. he had me bend slightly at the waist. it went super duper fast, no cupping, no coughing, no butt stuff hahahaha, very easy. i threw the paper clothes in the trash. dr did not bitch at me for keeping my socks on.

went to HR and dropped papers off, asked about employment pools and internal postings and mailing lists and why dont you put your shit on indeed. i was assured that they no longer have a pool, but that they had my results from when i WAS in the pool, then they stopped the pool, but if they start it again, they will put me back in AND email me. good. i asked if there were any email lists i could get on. thats the thing about this place. there are all these hidden secret jobs, its like the god damn masons.

had a weird but somewhat fun dream last night. i was flirting somewhat with a qt young woman. it wasnt that woman, the dream woman was much smaller and petite, not my usual type but oh well. things were going well, then she disappeared. came back a few months later and said she got married to some guy she just met. i voiced my opinion and i was like, heres the thing, im not gonna pretend to be happy about this. i was starting to like you and i was really disappointed when you just left me in the lurch. i feel like you didnt give me a fair shake. and now youre marrying a guy who in your words you dont even know? dont you feel bad about just Ghosting me? this kinda sucks. i’m not happy about what you did. i’ll get over it but you should know that shit aint right. its not nice to do that to people.

so essentially saying stuff i wanted to say to That Woman hahaha.

now i prefer taller women with meaty Thighs and Asses, long legs, long arms, but i would be open to a Shorter women, provided she is not stumpy, stocky, or at all potatoey, and this dream girl was not, so thats good.

also another part of the dream involved me meeting millennial woes. that was fun. never had a MW dream before. we were hanging out and getting along real well till i said or did somethign that made him thing I was stupid or uncouth. and i was mad at myself for being an idiot around this guy i respected. but also it was just a misunderstanding too, he should really be open to that possibility. also what IF i am a crass uneducated trump voting redneck whitelash? hes alt right pro white, he of all people should appreciate this raw, uneducated white power hahahahaha.

or maybe i am reading this all wrong and blowing it all out of proportion and he DOESNT think that about me.

a part of the dream had me holding a heroin needle and thinking, well, i am tempted to experiment with opiates, BUTTTTT i hate needles and dont want to inject myself.

another part of the dream had me in a large room with millennial woes and i looked out the large windows and there were huge, demonic, savage looking wild boars/warthogs out there. huge and vicious, more than anything in the real world. i was like holy shit those things will tear us apart and they could just jump through the window right now and K us savagely, uhhhh arent you concerned about this? holy shit just look at those things!!!!!

so yeah it was a vivid and action packed dream but thankfully not too disturbing or terrifying.

i know it has to do with this big news of The New Job, that that is SUCH a big deal that I immediately KNEW it would take several days to get past the SHOCK and begin PROCESSING it.

later wed…..

ok today i got muh new hard drive AND the windows recovery disk AND the stick of ram. installed the hard drive and got windows going without issue. it just took forever to install. using my regular computer again now.

installed additional ram in other computer which muh fam uses so it isnt so shamefully slow. at first it didnt seem to take. then i took it out and pushed it back in again and this time the computer detected it. good times. hopefully fam notices a difference. i think i did although i did not do brutal shit to it to test it out.

downloaded antiwirus onto “new” ocmputer. which is using windows 7. this is a silver lining here because i wasnt thrilled wiht windows 10 but it was too late to roll it back.

google drive files updating nao.

installed libreoffice, notepad++, audacity, google drive, poker program. muh basics haha.

plus i think windows 7 is better with the wireless adapter which was always getting BTFOd on windos 10.

why? even microsoft Project Managers dont know WHY. or the Lead Senior Software Engineers under them.

ok listened to new deathspell omega again a few days ago and liked it more. drums sound really good. now im thinking its a human. just a really really good human, with crystal clear production but no phony triggery bullshit.

the last minute of the second song kinda grabbed me.

right there at 5:07, might be the key to enjoying the whole album. because the distortion on the guitar is decreased and he is not strumming so fast, so you can actually hear and comprehend the guitar part, which is of course plenty weird, its just much easier to digest. but there’s no dialing down the intensity of the drum part, in fact you can hear it all the better.

basically turn down the distortion on the guitars on the whole album and play longer notes!

but no, hes an autist that doesnt like to make it easy for the listener. thats all it is.

so yeah what i like about dso is that stupid, autistic chaos really IS an accurate representation of my mind when it is confused and distressed and anxious. like when i was at work thinking OH GAWD I DONT KNOW WHAT IM DOING IM SO CONFUSED AND SCARED my thoughts would be racing and crashing into each other like a damn dso song.

completely lacking any sense of judgment, not knowing whats right and wrong, whats real and whats not. whats happening with the job, whats happening with the woman, whats happening.

WHITELASH hahahaha. i am VERY GLAD to be a PART OF that WHITELASH.

now the pollsters are realizing the actual truth: that trump tapped into a White Voting Bloc. he spoke to Whites and whites voted him in. as a race conscious white i couldnt be happier. i dont apologize for being white, im not EMBARASSED by white people, i dont look forward to a time when whites are a minority, i don’t think you should not respect thomas jefferson because he OWNED SLAVES. then dont go to the fookin UVA you uppity skypes and googles hahahaha.

believe me i know white people who think its HORRIBLE that white people are even ABLE to vote as a group, and vote for such a horrible white racist as TRVMP.

fook NO i dont trust (((((KUSHNER))))) !!!!!!!!!! he could be a problem in the future. i hope he isnt. but i wouldnt be surprised if he is.

i just wish That Woman hadnt been so HORRIFIED by the idea of me liking her. you dont have to like me back, I GET THAT. Just dont act like its so DISGUSTING and GODAWFUL. Just say SORRY, I dont like you that way, this must be painful for you. dont HATE me for getting feelings for you. i would never hate somebody for that.

sheeeeeeeeeeeeit whatever. shit happened. bad shit. i learned to be more courageous and direct in the future. i just cant see myself ever being interested in a woman ever again.

although thats where the dreams can be useful. like in this dream last night, i felt myself sort of interested in this dream woman who wasnt THAT woman.

or this super attractive 9/10 woman who might be at the social event today hahahaha who is WAYYYYY out of muh league but damn is she nice to look at!

i mean im FINE with her being out of my league! i KNOW a 6/10 35 yo old man has no CHANCE at a 9/10 23 year old woman!

was concerned the ram would not take in the dell latitude. there are two ram slots. one easily accessible on the bottom, another buried under the keyboard. thankfully the easy access one was the open one. getting to it was easy. popped it in, seemed to fit well. start comp, not showing any difference. still says 2 gb ram, should be 4. do mem diagnostics test. no change. frowning. open it up again, pull it out, stare at it, pop it right back in. start comp, says preboot that memory has changed. this is new. ok great yes i did change it. start up, now it says 4 gb. PRAISE THE LORD. but WHY? what did i do DIFFERENTLY? i just took it out and put it right back in! did i have it in wrong? ILL NEVER KNOW hahahaha.

continued to buy more xmas presents for fam today.

nov 17

ok when they say “TB test must be read within 48 to 72 hours of administration” that is not very clear that what it REALLY means is, the full TB test is in 2 parts. the first time they prick you with a needle. then it may or may not have some affect on your skin in that area. then 48 to 72 hours after pricking, you have a 24 hour window where you MUST return to the clinic to finish part 2 of the tb test, which is given the rather unclear technical name of “reading.” just call it testing part 2. THEY are “reading” your skin somehow. the important thing to remember is you have to get pricked, WAIT 48 hours to go back, then go back, but not after 72 hours. or else then you have to get pricked again.

but they dont say any of that hahahaha.

that is the type of TRANSPARENCY i would have in MY company hahaha. tell you what you NEED TO KNOW. tell you the most important things so you can fully understand shit quickly. it would PROBABLY cut back on phone calls asking for stupid clarification.

and this is not a big deal at all in this case, but shit like this would INFURIATE me at my old job.

and another “pet peeve” about computers that, when you are working in Computer Service, is INFURIATING and will turn a mild mannered man into a savage frightened animal shrieking and screeching.

definition of insanity is doing the same thing twice and expecting different results.

SO WHAT DO YOU CALL IT WHEN YOU DO THE SAME THING TWICE AND DO GET DIFFERENT RESULTS????

it might be INSANE, but ITS HAPPENING!!! its happening to your equipment!!!! doing the same shit twice either fixed it or broke it! the insanity was consequential and important and valuable and you want to know WHY!!!!!

but the other def of insanity is, you will NEVER know why. its IMPOSSIBLE to know why.

now i wouldnt call any of these things “the definition of INSANITY” but i know what you mean. i would call it NONSENSE, or infuriatingly illogical, or bullshit, or this cant be, or wtf, or fooking ridiculous, this makes no sense. slightly insane i guess. hahahaha. chaos reigns.

hey lets look at the days since spreadsheet!

last time i actually talked to That Woman      492 days

last time i initiated contact, final email           458 days

last time i looked at degen jooish porn            374 days

bretty good amirite?

66 days since haircut. kinda starting to look bad.

was watching the woodstock movie on tcm last night. really is a great movie, worth buying permanently in whatever form you would do that. would have loved to watch it with That Woman, cuddle for 3 hours, smoke MJ for 3 hours, probably stop watching the long movie to have luving secs a few times hahahaha. i think she would have appreciated the movie, she liked a lot of that kind of music and sorta looked like a hippie.

i first saw the movie when i was like 20 and was pretty impressed, watched it again at 21 or 22 smokin MJ with muh old friend, good memories.

havent seen it since.

i still appreciate the music but now i have a much better big picture perspective on it, like the degeneracy, and seeing these white youths throwing their lives away on the new jooish degeneracy, which at the time was BRAND NEW and exciting and did not seem like degeneracy, but freeing and liberating and luv……but it was jooish degen. and none of these goys realized it.

but things did seem innocent because all this stuff was so new and people were optimistic and excited and happy.

great songs and performances too. when i was young i was electrified by for example joe cocker, now i was like, welp what drugs is he on. what drugs is this guy on.

seeing all these people in 1969 47 years ago and realizing i am older now than they were then. i am older than these young men with huge beards like that great performance by canned heat. their bass player is spazzing out like that because hes probably on ACID. MOST of these people are on ACID. or that guitar player is not on acid, hes just stoned as shit on MJ. pete townsend is probably on “uppers” because they didnt have coke back then. keith moon is on acid and uppers and booze. joe cocker is also on EVERYTHING. how much of this is an act, and how much of it is drugs? joe cocker could not keep up with this lifestyle, how did he survive till age 75 or whatever? either way his performance was great. richie havens is mesmerizing. he could be on acid or in a trance or something. but when he speaks between songs he seems normal. the way he plays guitar is so weird. how is he not breaking the strings strumming that hard. what tuning is he in that he plays with his THUMB like that. his voice is very haunting.

so yeah i still got all that, the performances were just as good as i remembered, but it was interesting to have perspective on it, that even these performers were too young to have!

i can understand being against the vietnam war, but immediately Da Joos got involved and turned it into a marxist thing. now i can see that for what it is. typical jooish disruption. jooish culture of critique. and none of the goys they scammed realized it. they were just about weed and acid and free love and fighting the man and the pigs.

but yeah since this was just STARTING and people were so excited, we got some really good music out of it, the likes of which has never again emerged from such cultural degeneracy. and again the music helped sell this degen and make people happy about it, including me for a time. its still great music.

also, people didnt talk nearly as much about white privilege, and whites and men werent hated as much. i think many of these early sjw’s were truly interested in naive equality rather than marxist revolution and punching up against whites and men. there were so many white men there at woodstock. healthy, young, beautiful white people, not at all fat, so many skinny in shape people, all getting fooked up on drugs and booze and frying their brains.

whites beginning to act like negros. look at all the frontmen gyrating around with their stupid tight pants. muh dick is all it is.

so yeah. such an interesting mixed bag of great music and genuinely optimistic people, but the beginning of generations of horrible jooish degeneracy that just got worse and worse. became nihilistic within 30 years.

and now finally in 2016, we have some long needed WHITELASH hahahaha.

THE SLEEPING GOY AWAKENS!!!!!!

i turned it off after joe cocker because it was 230 am, but i know there was a ton of good shit after that too.

some of the video is better than others, like the who video is kinda shitty because its too much roger daltrey and not nearly enough keith moon hahaha.

also just the language these people use, its stupid and childish but its honest and sincere, whereas today the leftist marxist sjw “hippies” have a much more SOPHISTICATED, JOOISH way of talking because of all their damn college. and they know they cant get away with looking and sounding like they are on ACID.

before and after a 40 year Jooish March Thru The Institutions hahahaha.

i mean there was already some jooish subversion going on in like the 1920s…..but it EXPLODED in the late 60s.

dont like muh bigotry? go cry to your hillary support group hahahaha. THE BUMS LOST LEBOWSKI!

WHITELASH!!!!!!

i realize this is not good for those trump supporters who are trying to defend themselves AGAINST accusations of bigotry and racism by the left. oh no were not racists!

and then i come out and say im a trump supporter AND a huge avowed admitted racist! it doesnt look good for trumps people.

well, i dont represent trump supporters in general, in fact id be MOST of the average WHITELASH voters, the white men trump supporters, really ARENT racist!

just me and the the 1% of people like me hahahaha.

only thing i SORT OF represent is the “alt right”.

http://web.archive.org/web/20161108042727/http://globalnews.ca/news/3052556/ontario-teen-who-called-for-white-canada-has-laptops-seized-by-cbsa/?sf41511983=1

did i post this nov 2016 news story about evalion DOXXED and harrassed by FEDS???

I am kinda suspicious of her but when she gets attacked by ZOG like this, i have to take her side. i mean she MIGHT BE batshit crazy, but she has made real sacrifices.

dont wear long fake eyelashes. you look like a decadent whore hahahaha. no im not talking to evalion. talking to the blond bitch on tarek and christina. christina the race mixer hahahaha. she is real hawt but wears too much makeup and horrible whorish eyelashes. dont do that. and tarek is the whitest looking arab i have ever seen, so…i guess thats good.

i am betting he is “only” half arab.

making whortina only half a race traitor hahahaha.

whatever id still bang her. shit id make white babies with her! i would have to work HARD to brainwash the crazy out of her though. probably wouldnt be worth it. 10 years ago, sure.

also she has a horrible voice hahahaha. kinda “secsy” but in the long term, annoying Vocal Fry hahahaha.

indicates moral laxness hahaha.

used up remainder of amazon gift card on columbia fleece jacket. plain black. agonized over color.

i mean i got like 100$ amazonbux for doing a survey activity.

anyway. just trying to say i dont really spend money frivolously. and when i really need new clothes…..i dont really get them, i have to FORCE myself, because ALL spending seems frivolous, but then when i actually DO spend the money and buy the new clothes……it was very much worth it. like with buying A Suit, etc. buy jeans, new shoes, now this fleece jacket. i kind of have one already but its technically the inner lining of a 2 piece jacket system hahaha. so i want to just put it in and leave it in there and not have to take it out of the jacket whenever i want to wear something like that.

also i am glad i Sacked Up and had a direct talk with the guy i wanted to talk to about MJ. I did not have high expectations, but i just wanted to introduce the idea. that i would like to go in with him on his next purchase if possible. turns out he is not making a purchase for….a few months and told me some exciting life news for him. so i appreciated that. i support him 100% in this endeavour and am not butthurt about not being able to get MJ! but hopefully when he is ready, he will tell me, and he does seem kinda reliable like that. i mean he is decent at Adulting, makes decent money, lives normie life, doesnt screw people over. that at least he knows that i am interested in Going In with him Next Time, so plz let me know when you are ready for next time hehehehe.

so yeah i crossed that off the list hehe.

ok gotta make a good impression at this job. get there 15 minutes early, leave 15 minutes late every day.  make coffee, buy coffee, buy bagels or donuts.

also, find Where The Information Is. knowledge base. case notes. case system. ticket system. S drive. intranet. ANYTHING i can access from home.

CAN I LISTEN TO PHONE CALLS?

that would have been a GREAT learning tool at my own job, but I was so flustered i didnt even think to ask. I mean I read a lot of cases, but actually hearing the calls while reading the cases would have been a lot better. just read and listen to calls for an hour when you get home hahahaha.

write everything down. make flashcards.

ask everybody about their families.

buy a large container of coffee regularly.

spend a ton of money frivolously to buy new clothes. nice shirts and pants that fit properly. take pants to chinese laundry to shorten the legs for my manlet stumpy legs. spend more money.

look people directly in the eye at all times and act like a real confident nonnevergf normie hahaha.

get hair cut regularly so it doesnt look sloppy and nevergf on the sides.

good thing about this job is that it could not be closer. it is literally 3 miles away.

some women ONLY date (ie fook, and get preggers from) TRASHY guys. not just good badboys, but BAD badboys, like deadbeats, drug addicts, woman beaters, felons, etc. people with real big problems. hehehe. they wont date you or fook you from tinder because you are literally not trashy enough.

there is a “tradwife” in the altright who was A Tranny but he/she “passed” remarkably well. they were obviously a not very masculine man who was able to pass as a woman better than some women, hahahahahahaha. i saw a picture and i was like, hmmm, they are young, skinny, really doesnt look too freakish, hmm i think i want to bang that man hahahahahahhaha.

and then they got “bullycided” from twitter and the internet in like april 2016 and stopped posting to their blog which was written quite well and is probably worth reading and basically advocates trad alt right values like family and masculine men and feminine women and was anti-homosex and promiscuity and degeneracy. so this person literally felt like a woman, a very very traditional woman, born into a very feminine man’s body.

anyway i know notorious sinead posted imho a rather inappropriate picture of this person which i dont know how she got. and sinead loves to attack the “alt k1ke” for being pro-gay, pro-tranny, pro-degen, etc.

anyway i just thought it was interesting that i felt a sense of SYMPATHY for the “tradwife.” ultimately  i was viewing them and treating them as a full real woman. i didnt see them as a man or a tranny. i didnt think it was fair for them to be bullied and shamed and i was kinda interested in their blog.

hahahaha maybe i secretly want to date the tradwife. how ridiculous would that be.

I AM WHITE KNIGHTING FOR A TRANNY hahahahaha.

yeah ok fine you caught me red handed. Oh well, so what. i certainly dont feel this way about most trannies, who are all about marxist degeneracy lock stock and barrel.

https://web.archive.org/web/20161109135829/https://valkyricvisionary.wordpress.com/

thing is, the tradwife would prob still be out of my league hahahahahaha because she wants a strong, proud, alpha man, just like every other woman hahahahaha.

but yeah he/she is a good writer, clearly very smart, and doesn’t really say anything too ridiculous. he/she views trannyism as an illness that can be successfully treated by fully adopting the desired gender role. rather than becoming some genderless genderqueer otherkin. i mean tradgrace wants to become a beautiful aryan woman in a wheat field. what he/she wants to become is a beautiful thing!

so yeah god have mercy on me but i have some sympathy for tradgrace.

although it SHOULDNT MATTER if a woman is smart or a good writer.

but if a woman IS smart and a good writer, i do usually like that, provided they arent some insane screeching leftist…..which they usually are.

but this isnt a woman!!!!!!

anyway i wish grace well, that is a hard life, im not gonna bully grace, i cant disagree with what xir says. hahahaha. well, xir’s preferred pronoun would certainly be “she”, as grace celebrates everything about Traditional Femininity!

https://valkyricvisionary.wordpress.com/

ok fine i will link to grace directly so SHE can see me linking, and then find me, and then she can be my waifu!

heh. if i were a total homosexual degenerate……wouldnt i want to bang men who dont identify as women, let alone who look quite convincingly like young, feminine women?

anyway. grace’s big mistake was to assume people wouldnt bullycide “her” for being a tranny. if she wrote this stuff and just presented herself as a normal woman, she would not be punished, and there would be 14888888888888888888888 alt right white virgins white knighting for her!

so yeah. i dunno. i think that is very courageous of grace.

come talk to a PHAG ENABLER like me, grindr greg, or millennial woes, we will give you a safe space and cuddles hahahahahahaha.

anyway grace is a bigger winner than me anyway. at least she is working on achieving her dreams and is I think a successful college or grad student. maybe. maybe heshe is a basement dwelling sperg. definitely not a fat ugly one though!

and if you read herhis writing without thinking of who is writing it…….its pretty unimpeachable.

yep looks like i want to date and marry and cuddle with a MAN. ABSOLUTELY DISGUSTING hahahaha.

but sinead thinks the alt k1ke is infested with “tradwives”, well i cant think of a single other one other than grace, and grace was imho brutally, savagely, unfairly punished.

dont tell trs i think her punishment was too severe tho, i will get banned for being a fag enabler hahahaha.

well, technically tranny enabler.

anyway i really do wish grace well but i should stop thinking about this because i am starting to turn gay hahaha.

she basically wants to become a 100% woman and to marry a straight man.

well dont many trannies want to become full 100% women rather than genderqueer?

well ok fine. but they still dont want to become SUPER OLD SCHOOL TRADITIONAL women!

and i appreciate grace for attempting to really understand what really being a traditional feminine woman means. hint its not being a GIRLY GIRL and liking JUST GIRL THINGS.

a fooking MAN understands being a woman better than WOMEN do hahahahahahahah hrmmmm. wwawaawwawawawa.

or am i just butthurt because i am lonely and havent been with a woman as good looking as a MAN, in 11 years?

yeah i think thats part of it too. like if i things had worked out with That Woman I wouldnt even be ENTERTAINING the thought of Dating A Man, hahahahahahahahahahaha.

but yeah, tradgrace is just a really really really interesting case.

so yeah grace you can email me at ufmll at yahoo dot com and we can have a real good conversation hahahaha.

i fully believe that tradgrace has sucked and fooked less cox than the average 25 year old white woman!

anyway i wish i could write as coherently and have as much courage as this transexual man hahahaha.

when i was young we didnt HAVE an alt right. so your only recourse was to slip into a nihilistic escapist world of drugs and alcohol and confusion and chaos and maybe if you still cared about race you could find an internet forum of neo nazi losers who were fat drunk degenerate losers and lived in their mothers basements. never any average normie 13 dollar an hour normies. but crazy neet losers. not the type of people you want to hang out with. rejects hanging out with all the other rejects. drinking and complaining about how all women are negro fookin whores. which 49% of them are hahahahahahaha.

http://getgreenshot.org/

ok screenshot program here, i sent them a 2 dollar dnation toot toot toot toot hahahaha.

i only donate to projects where most of the people have white sounding names hahahaha.

its just EXHAUSTING that you have to be FIGHTING and ARGUING and SELLING and CONVINCING and PERSUADING people ALL THE TIME, like heres why this is valuable, heres why what were doing isnt technically screwing you, just bullshitting and selling all the time, every little and big thing, every person you talk to, youre trying to sell them something they dont want to buy. and i am not talking about “sales”. i am talking about “service”. heres why we cant fix this. heres why you/we cant do this.  its just EXHAUSTING. i dont have that much ENERGY. only TRVMP has that much energy.

tfw when no tranny trap qt to help boost your energy hahahaha.

no this is terrible. i never did any bullying to grace, i never bullied anyone.

sheeeeeeeeit. getting nervous about New Job. like what do i say when i dont know waht to say but still have to sound smart and confident and competent? impostor syndrome. how do normies DO this. how is this not a problem for more people. how could not one normie write one book on how to DO this.

i bet tradgrace would try to be nice to me when HE rejected me hahahahahahahaha

HE wouldnt throw me away like a piece of garbage, or get SO DISGUSTED that a low mate value man could get feelings for HIM hahahahaha.

ok ok i shouldnt be making light of tradgrace. really. im not making fun of him. i mean i dont even have a huge problem with calling him her.

https://www.google.com/webhp?sourceid=chrome-instant&ion=1&espv=2&ie=UTF-8#q=how%20to%20deal%20with%20assholes

how to deal with assholes

an INSANELY VALUABLE LIFE SKILL. I never really learned it. whether the asshole is a bully, or just a rude asshole, or an angry customer, or somebody demanding an explanation, or its just a tough situation. maybe you need to be the asshole.

heh. i might have good communication skills if i didnt get so flustered and nervous.

worried about getting somehow rejected, or humiliated. dumped, fired, yelled at, insulted, bullied, thought of as an idiot or a weakling, shamed, shunned, given a hard time, verbally abused hahaha.

emotional labor theres a new phrase i learned in current year hehehehe.

nov 18

ok not spacing out muh posts so well, get a short post followed by a very long post. DEAL WITH IT hahahaha.

heh i like this arab/negro bath where you just wash you crotch region with soap and water and a bounty paper towel hahahaha. pretty effective and ridiculously FAST. TIME IS MONEY wagie! TICK TOCK! BACK TO WORK! ANOTHER DAY, ANOTHER DOLLAR!

ok. completed final tb test, the “reading”. this nurse woman looked at it for literally 1 second and said OK youre all set! then i took the papers they gave me and drove them down to HR myself because they said they were gonna mail a copy, and i figured, deliver the myself so they can get them before the end of the day friday, rather than get them on tuesday, plus thanksgiving next week, etc.

got pair of medium champion sweatpants. they do not look nearly as big and sloppy as the Large sweatpants. got the sweatpants with gift card from research study. no money wasting. but it would have been worth it to spend real money because they LOOK A LOT BETTER. less neet virgin, less incel, less r9k, less loser, less nevergf.

whenever i see a damn woman my first thought is a knee jerk automatic negative thought about her being a Stupid, Immature Slut, fooking lots of cox, and being lost and fallen and a big baby, a damn CHILD. contempt and smug superiority is the first thing i feel when seeing a random woman. and i cant even use that smug superiority to translate into masculine confidence in dealing with these women directly. in those cases, then i feel hugely inferior!

bought this book impulsively because i need to do SOMETHING to IMPROVE muhself hahahaha.

i just heard about DBT this year, a few months ago, from a person in the social work field, and then i started seeing it everywhere, and the best selling self help books were all DBT, see people mentioning DBT all over reddit, etc.  yeah marsha ((((linehan)))) is a jooess but I think she really does want to help people. (update: i think she is actually hwyte and linehan is an irish name)

and yeah DBT was originally developed for BORDERLINE…..but that doesnt mean it hasnt also been used very effectively for LESS SERIOUS things like bipolar or depression or anxiety.

so, me reading this book does not mean im an antiwhite joo, or that i am a totally batshit borderline.

Mindfulness, Interpersonal Effectiveness, Emotion Regulation & Distress Tolerance

uh YASSSS PLEASE these are all things i wouldnt mind improving!!!!!

so i thought well maybe i am a phag and maybe i would date tradgrace. but i wouldnt want to get sodomized by her D hahahaha. overall i just felt sympathy and pity for grace. i didnt think he/she should be thrown in the oven or bullycided. that in an ideal world we would use medical science to turn him into a real woman.

and that since im not really a real man, maybe it is appropriate that the best i can get is a not real woman. i mean me and grace both agree on the ideal of a man and a woman.

but a big worry of mine is that grace will have to continue taking female hormones the rest of “her” life. right?

and does something happen to hormone levels when you cut off a man’s balls?

im concerned about male vs female HORMONES in other words.

also, even if grace got rid of all the male hormones and got her D cut off and a Cosmetic V made….. he/she still doesnt have the internal works, the uterus, the ovaries, the menses, the physical essence of being a woman. even if he/she kinda DOES have the mental/spiritual essence of an Ideal Woman. he/she can never DO what WOMEN DO: have babies. and NOT in a way that an infertile woman can’t have babies.

so i thought, what is the best life for grace? whats the best way for them to have a family? should they?

I thought she might be a good tradwife for a beta male, or a gay man, or a guy like me that has good intentions, but just not enough Good Results to pull a Real Woman. and then maybe we could adopt white children from white deadbeats who have no interest in being good parents.

but i want REAL children of my own!

and dont you think GRACE does too?

so the best would be for grace to use her male sperm to have a baby with a white surrogate mother?

and then maybe grace could raise the child with her well-meaning but beta male husband?

how about an infertile male? plenty of men are “shooting blanks” and want to have children but they just have bad sperm!

another possibility would be grace becoming a celibate religious woman. but i am pretty sure grace is a larpagan and not into k1kegod hahahaha. hmmmm.

i think grace would be a good, loving parent to children…….but how the HELL do you tell your CHILD that their “mother” was born a MAN? do you EVER tell them?

this is a rock and a hard place. thats why i feel such sympathy and pity for grace. i think he/she is proceeding the best he/she can under these ridiculously unfortunate circumstances.

see i never felt like a real man, always inadequate and inferior and fairly feminine………..but i was never unhappy with being a MAN, i NEVER felt like im a woman stuck in a mans body.

i just feel like a Highly Above Average Feminine man, and I dont whether I should try to purge that femininity from me. i mean, im ok with accepting it……but so many WOMEN are NOT! And I would prefer to be with a woman than a transexual MtF hahahahaha.

really i think the answer is not for me to remove femininity from myself, but rather ADD MASCULINITY. by doing shit, facing fears, being courageous, being productive, lifting weights, doing more manly things.

i dunno. maybe grace needs to find her FtM counterpart haahahaha then they can get together and raise white children.

i mean yeah grace is literally a very special snowflake hahahaha.

so how could grace impregnate the FtM? they would both have to be “PREOP”. im not even sure grace is preop. I am SURE grace looks at her D and feels disgusted and wants to get rid of it.

i have NEVER had that feeling, except on VERY rare occasions like “i wish i could chop this stupid thing off and stop being attracted to women!!!! because im sick of failing with women!!!!!”

it wasnt a persistent thing, like i really really really really want to get rid of this D.

shit. did i mention i got a call for an interview today from the Top Rated Health Company I reallllllllllly wanted the IT job at, interviewed for, never heard back. they called today. i was like oh shit are they gonna OFFER me the IT job. then i would HAVE to turn down the job i was just offered. but no. it was for the different payroll job i appleid to a few days ago. so i was like welp i accepted this other offer, sorry, but I think your company is great and I may well apply in a year.

but yeah. it was just haunting to me that a “batshit crazy trannie” probably has had a less degen life than the average REAL woman, tons of casual sex, abortions, throwing people away, breaking hearts, cheating. grace hasnt done ANY of that. probably only been with 1 or 2 guys. long term rels only. and also all women are crazy anyway, dont know what they want, they are probably jsut about as crazy as a man who wants to become a woman.

hehehehe.

but I have HUGE issues with women tho!!!!!! maybe if i didnt, then i would have a more “appropriate” reaction towards grace, that is, throw this degenerate into the oven immediately!!!!!!

so maybe this DBT book by the jooess will help me with my automatic negative thoughts and feels about Women hahahaha.

its not even BY the jooess, its by goys and building on the framework of the jooess.

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Marsha_M._Linehan

uhh she is a “long term roman catholic” hehehe. is linehan a jooish name? i thought it was but it may be one of those irish names that sorta SOUNDS jooish. anyway linehan herself was/is batshit crazy with schizo and or borderline……but she became a very respected professor.

http://www.linehaninstitute.org/index.php

anyway i…..am starting to think she is not jooish. good!

http://archive.is/8htuM

joo york slimes article on linehan

wow she went through some shit, was totally batshit institutionalized, many suicide attempts, but gradually got her life together, did a lot of praying to catholic god, also got into mindfulness, i can appreciate all this! good for her! seriously!

http://blogs.uw.edu/brtc/

 

ok linehan is an IRISH name hahaha confirmed. good.

i mean i dont rule joos OUT, like i still like leonard cohen, its just that when im not sure about a person, i would prefer for them to be not jooish, because, on the whole, on average, joos are bad hahahahaha.

i mean if i could ever think straight and not be anxious or angry and flustered, and in control of muh emotions, i think i am probably smart enough to figure out how to do things, how to fix problems, how to communicate well, how to be competent, how to add value, how to SELL shit all day, how to bullshit my way out of things, hahahaha. but its just i always get flustered by muh emotions. which is what women do hahahaha.

NOT ALL WOMEN.

NOT EVEN MOST WOMEN hahahaha.

ok. i think i concluded that i will tell people that i was LAID OFF and that the center closed in late spring 2015. none of the coworkers are gonna try to investigate when the center closed. and then i just had a REAL HARD TIME finding a job and did NOT want to go back to the Service Desk World, BAMN, and I had a tuff time finding a non service desk job.  REAL tuff. hey. i coulda taken this FT job for 16 bucks an hour, but id rather take a part time job for 11 bucks an hour, because its not a service desk!

so yeah these sweatpants look a lot better than the old ones. i should just throw them out. i mean when you wear clothes that are just WAY TOO BIG you look BAD, like a FAILURE hahahaha, it is not good for the CONFIDENCE. i mean if you have unshakable confidence and a qt trapwaifu to loyally comfort you, fine, good for you, dress like a slob and see how long your qt trapwife will stand by u, hahahaha. but if you are a lonely emo just struggling to do the bare minimum, you need all the help with confidence you can get, and Dressing Better is a very valuable thing.

did i mention i showed courage and bravery and asked this guy about MJ. so i am just glad i showed courage and bravery and talked about it directly. he said he could not do it right NOW, and i said thats just fine, and it really is, he had a very good reason.  i was just glad to DO SOMETHING like a MAN and not be too AFRAID to DO SOMETHING.

of course MJ is degen AF hehehehe. but i want to go thru that degen phase. its not NEARLY as degen as being a tranny or a WOMAN hahahaha

heh. between WOMEN and TRANNIES, i sympathize with the TRANNY. WOW. that says a lot about ME.

but honestly. i dont mean to bully or be mean to grace. he/she has a tough path in life, and he/she has the good intentions of wanting to do whats best for The Race. which is more than i can say for most women hahahaha.

yeah but women arent SUPPOSED to care about the race!

women arent SUPPOSED to be mature adults!

women arent SUPPOSED to know what they want!

women arent SUPPOSED to be held accountable for anything!

the dog isnt SUPPOSED to control himself from eating the steak!

women arent SUPPOSED to learn how to CONTROL themselves! only MEN are SUPPOSED to do that!

see? see? slippery slope hahahaha.

women are SUPPOSED/EXPECTED to be able to know that killing your babies is wrong!

THEY DONT KNOW ANY BETTER!

THEY CANT BE EXPECTED TO ACT ANY BETTER!

THEYRE INCAPABLE OF being responsible, accountable, full mature adults!

well yeah a lot of them ARE tho.

if i actually hung out more women who WERE mature adults then i would see that literally NOT ALL WOMEN are immature bratty children.

then i would probably fall in luv with them and they would treat me like a bratty child would hahahaha.

prof linehan spent years in a psych ward for schizo and got tons of thorazine and electroshock, but she still did well with her life. they said she was schizo but she thinks she was actually Borderline.

im really not sure which is worse. both are horrible. schizo is TECHNICALLY worse probably, but i still think borderline is FOOKING AWFUL.

anyway if DBT can work on FOOKING AWFUL serious shit, then it stands to reason that it could work on more pleb garden variety shit tier stuff. babbys first mental disorder like despair or anxiety hahahaha.

which is more of a spiritual or moral disorder hahahaha. ok, how about “EMOTIONAL”. i would def agree on that term. i mean what is “mental” anyway.

took some nyquil. probably dont have to!

got a list of things i should study before starting the job in over 2 weeks. programs and shit.  i wanted to make a good impression with the boss. told him i want to HIT THE GROUND RUNNING so theres as little of a learning curve as possible and that i can study as much shit as possible in the 2 weeks before i start. here is muh cell phone number and personal email boss, you can give them to the other people on the team.

can i log into my account. did the admit set up my account yet. i would do it myself if i could, but uh thats a OpSec AppSec NetSec issue, we cant all be admins hahaha you as a phd would understand. i dont need to tell you this boss. but i know you know, and i want you to know i know you know.

had a dream last night that featured andrew anglin, and, in a cameo appearance, weev. i was in a bookstore or comic book store that was owned by anglin. he regularly came in and did honest work in the store, selling his books and dealing with angry asshole customers. i said to the other customers, dont you know who that little guy is? thats anglin man, he owns this store, he’s done all this great work for our race, i should say something to him. i was too scared to approach him since he appeared focused on work and wasnt talking to anyone. weevs cameo was as an assistant of anglin. they were calling peoples names who had orders. he called my name for like the 3rd time as i came to receive the 3rd or so book i had ordered. this one was the autobiography of anglin himself, which looked like a fun book with plenty of graphic novel / comic type illustrations.

that was about it. i didnt talk to anglin OR weev.

anyway both of these guys should write books, incl autobiographies, id buy them and read them.

its possible anglin is currently in the US. of course i cant blame him for being circumspect about where he currently is. he also has a very qt blond gf, total 8/10 at least. good for him. he is shorter than ME but he is WAYYYYY more manly than me. i mean look at all the good he’s done with his LIFE. i ADMIRE him.

i hope he doesnt go crazy when his gf dumps him. i hope she is nice to him when she dumps him. i hope she doesnt dump him, and they get married and have 5 children!!!!!!!!!!

but he and me have similar dim views of women. and i dont want that to keep him from meeting a good woman. i bet he has faced a lot of humiliating rejection from women in his life, and so i sympathize with him greatly.

no proof. just speculation because he is really short and he has a knee jerk negative attitude about women. but TOO MANY ARE huge sluts!

but if he (I) didnt get rejected more than he got Luved, then he wouldnt even THINK about all those sluts. those rejecting sluts, who say yes to everyone else, but NO to manlets like us hahahaha.

well i dont WANT a woman who says YES to everyone else…….well i dont want them for the mother of muh children. but i might want them right NOW for the short term because i havent been with a woman in 11 years hahaha.

hehehehe

get therapy, work on yourself for at least 10 more years and you cant date anyone until you are 100% fixed, prepare for 10-20 years, or a lifetime of, incel hahahaha

you cant date until youre perfect. women can date even when they are batshit imperfect. because women can get pregnant. this is right and just.

i just wish women were LESS HARSH to the men they arent attracted to. accept that this is a person and not a disgusting vermin hahaha. of course hes not entitled to you to like him back. just dont PUNISH him for having the AUDACITY to LIKE you. its not the end of the damn world. he isnt commiting a damn CRIME.  its like EXECUTING someone for going 6 over the speed limit. It’s like sawing a persons face off while they’re alive and screaming, for doing a lane change with not enough turn signalling. punishment does not fit the crime.

i was referring to this horrible shock video of a mexican drug cartel torturing and killing this guy by slowly tearing his face off while he is still conscious hahaha. I AINT WATCHIN DAT SHIT N199A.jpg hahahahaha.

no i never watched it. i just read a thread about it. 10 years ago, i would have been tempted to watch it. now, hell no.

buy new balance shoes and products because they are hated by leftists and try to make a lot of their products in the US and have not sold out to CHINA. and a ton of shitlibs are boycotting new balance, and nationalists and rights are openly wearing new balance as a signal. DO IT.

yeah i know its wayyyyyyy too expensive if youre a neet. or even if you are not a neet but just a normie making 12 bucks an hour and pay 800 bucks a month for rent and 1000 bucks a month for college loans and 300 bucks a month for car and 300 bucks a month for health care and 100 bucks a month for cable and 100 bucks a month for utilities.

thats 2600 bucks every month for expenses. at at 12 dollars an hour, you only MAKE 2400 bucks at 50 hours a week, WAGIE. so how can you AFFORD to spend 80 bucks on a pair of PRO WHITE SHOES.

 

 

CASUAL SECS, CASUAL RELS, CASUAL SOCIOPATHS

oct 10 2016

sheeeeeeit

the pure raw hatefulness of pre 2005 darkthrone is good for job search type stuff.

of COURSE she found it easy to replace and forget about me: she had a JOB, she had MJ, and she had a Selection of Secs Options.

here is why Women Perpetuate a Culture of DEATH and have No Respect for Human Life:

  1. They dont understand that sex creates human life and they do it QUICKLY, with any strongman negro thug
  2. If they accidentally create a new human life, they just murder it with no remorse
  3. They end (and begin) relships at the drop of a hat and quickly forget about people they have known for years. Strong feelings can disappear in a matter of days or weeks.

they are SOCIOPATHS!

yeah but isnt kali the god of both creation AND destruction? i guess that puts things in perspective. that just as much as women are the creators of human life, they are equally the DESTROYERS of it!

And its MENS job to keep them OUT of Destruction mode, by keeping them IN creation mode as much as possible!

kali, or shiva, i dont know, i dont care.

YUGE interview tomorrow, biggest one in a more than a month. bank IT job. mainframes. i should be preparing better. but i already prepared for the phone interview last week. now i just want to complain about how horrible women and interviews and jobs are.

i guess trump did ok in the second debate? i mean its not like im gonna vote for hillary. and sensible women will say, oh trump is a Creep and Woman Hater…..but he’s still a way better choice than hillary!!! and then “hold their nose” and vote for trump.

so yeah i dont get these undecided voters.

in fact really i am gonna be STUCK voting republican the rest of muh life even if they only put up weaker and weaker cuckolds.  because at the end of the day, repub will always be closer to muh WHITE MALE demographic than the dems ever will be. i mean i just dont see a pro-white-male dem candidate as being even POSSIBLE ever.

i mean the dems are ALWAYS gonna be pandering too much to nonwhites and degens for me to ever support them! they only thing they possibly have going is that they are the party of the “regular working normie” which is FALSE anyway!

but basically i will vote for the candidate that is BETTER FOR WHITES. period. single issue voter hahahaha.

and i am sure that most times that choice will be extremely obvious.

and sometimes even the one who is better for whites wont necessarily be GREAT for whites. again. lesser of two evils. LEAST WORST.

 

guy asks for advice on how to dump his GF in a nice way because he doesnt want to DEVASTATE her because he doesnt hate her, shes a nice person, he just doesnt want to be in the rel anymore. what a moral guy hahahahaha.

welp managed to do baby steps of 10 pushups and 2 job apps. i mean i feel like i did 80% of my prep work for this interview, when i did the phone interview with them last week.

you DO get a chip on your shoulder and an inferiority complex like youre not good enough, and you always have to PROVE yourself, when you do 23 job interviews and nothing. at this point, the rejection has continued OVER THE LONG TERM, and that changes you. you get used to being rejected, although of course you dont WANT to be, and you probably get slowly better at Selling yourself. but its still never good Enough, and you still expect to be rejected for months and months longer. while women are out there making MONEY. and you cant convince people that you are worth a job to make your own money.

and fenriz the party animal can work at the norwegian post office for 25 years in a Career, non-PSE job, probably has a MF day shift, probably no split shift, probably doesnt have supervisors shitting on him all day. and he has time and energy to enjoy 500 albums a year and write and record darkthrone and I think he has a GF too who isnt dumping him because hes so insecure and weak. and he continues to drink beer at 44 years of age. and has a beautiful full head of hair. shit he probably smokes MJ too hahahahahahaha.

so, 153 hours of “work” times 12 dollars an hour is 1836 dollars worth of “work” i have done on job search. i am measuring all this time as closely as possible and trying to put a 12 dollar an hour value on it.

back in the day i used to “joke” that I Will Bribe You Ten Thousand Dollars To Give Me A Job.

i guess i was being too generous. really I was ripping myself off. I should go no higher than Three Thousand.

shit i would take out a loan even. with like 5% interest hahahahaha. is that high or low. yearly. 5% yearly not monthly hahahahahahaha.

but yeah i wish i had done a lot more than 153 hours of actual Work during this time hahahaha. that is less than One Month of Full Time Work.  during like god damn 15 months. hehehehehe.

10 hours a month. good job neet loser hahahaha.

welp. applied for 3 jobs today. 10 pushups. might do 10 more because i at a HUGE dinner of a delicious steak and cheese sammich and fries. gr8 1200 calories right there m8.

i could never destroy or throw away a human life as casually as women can.

casual sex, casual life destruction. casual murder. casual abandonment. what does it matter. its just a human life. its cheap, disposable, easily forgotten, easily replaced again and again. this is how women feel about Human Life hahahahahahaha.

well if THATS what i think Women Think, NO WONDER I hate women!!!!!!!!!

when really its just not  true. there is SEVERE Cognitive Distortion going on here!!!!!!

so i am hating women based on Faulty, Flawed Logic!

kinda for the wrong reasons.

my logic is not logical, AND my conclusions that stem from that logic are incorrect!

therefore, all women are not cold hearted sociopaths, and probably NOT EVEN HALF are!

and her, she wasnt even being sociopathic, so why am i saying all women are? she was just being cowardly and immature and emotional, which most women ARE, and i guess you can mistake the consequences of this for socipathy.

heh. so the end result is the same as sociopathy, AND most women ARE like that hahaha. so they MIGHT AS WELL BE sociopaths.

yeah, but they dont MEAN to be!

and that makes all the difference in the world hahahaha. when your heart is slaughtered either way.

so theyre doing all the damage of a sociopath, but they dont have sociopathic INTENT. so again, wtf DIFFERENCE does INTENT make here?

ok the….well…..NOT ALL WOMEN will act in a way that could be CONFUSED for sociopathy hehehe. im just feeling burned by my most recent and most powerful experience. just fallout. i said it was gonna take at least 2 years to get over! and this is just all part of the process! TRUST THE PROCESS!!!!!!

interview tomorrow. i guess if i had two, even one interview every week, i might get used to it so that i could be DESENSITIZED rather than FLOODED, so that i could actually IMPROVE rather than losing whatever small gains ive made by the next interview. when i need to make gains and KEEP THEM in order to be GOOD enough to do good enough in the interview to get the job.

so FIVE states are gonna be voting on legal MJ in 2016. cali, ariz, mass, florida?? no not florida, but maine and nevada.  they are saying cali and nevada and maine are the best chances here.

i mean shit. i guess i will stop talking about that cuz i dont want to dox myself.

but i keep forgetting they have legal weed in oregon and DC.

but can you go into a retail store in DC and buy it?

i thought there was some ridic rule where you couldnt BUY or SELL it , but you could GIVE it away and accept DNATIONS.

read some articles, really sounds like legal weed in DC just SUCKS, they have dispensaries, but you have to have a medical card to buy from them. i GUESS you could pester the medical card people to buy some, then “GIVE” it to you.

lesson: just go to colorado, oregon, wash, or maybe cali or nev in 2017.

 

hahahaha they think this might be “crusader girl” not sure if it is, but i dont know any other 17f’s making pro-white videos.

oct 11.

i have a BIG INTERVIEW coming up in 3 hours and i am not even worried, which is tech good, but i am not even preparing, which is bad. its like i dont want the job hahahahaha.

i mean i never had the FIGHTING spirit, and i am USED to rejection, and not getting my hopes up, etc.

just so obsessed with women and rels i cant even think about the things that MATTER, like living my life!!!!!

last night i was of course thinking about Grabbing All Women By The Pvssy (hahahahahaha) no jk, but i was thinking, yes, INTENT DOES matter, because it means women arent SOCIOPATHS, they’re just weak and cowardly. but they arent SUPPOSED to be brave and courageous and mature, thats MENS job!!!!!!!!

but yeah intent IS important even if the results are shitty, because it means they arent shitty horrible people deep down. and THAT matters.

anyway. i gotta be careful with writing in this so much. sometimes its good, but sometimes its bad. it goes both ways. meaning, sometimes it helps me, but sometimes it hurts me. it harms me when i am saying all sorts of bad shit about women and getting into a Negative Thought Spiral hehehehe. Downward Spiral of despair and Hate and Shame and Guilt and Despair and Giving Up and pessimism and low energy hehehehe. that is very bad.

honestly i was having a ton of fun just DAYDREAMING about smoking MJ. like finding cheapest flight to denver, finding cheapest air bnb type place, buying an ounce of MJ, and just spend 7 to 10 days getting ridic blazed all day and exploring the area, mountains, etc, maybe go visit foreveralone george mcfeels hahahaha and record a few conversations with him.  and be like man, you live here, get yourself some of this stuff maaaaannnnnnnnnn.

or oregon or washington, whatever is the best deal.

then i thought, well, what if the next state closest to me legalizes MJ before my state does, would i be willing to drive to that state, buy a ton of MJ, then drive it back across state lines illegally heheheheheh i would be totes paranoid there would be cops looking for that type of thing.

but really i think using my mental energy to think about MJ is better than thinking about WOMEN, or DESPAIR, or THAT WOMAN, or how I am a huge failure neet loser who will never become anything. Daydreaming about MJ is more positive than ANY of that.

in fact I never do any “daydreaming” at all. this thinking about MJ is the closest I get to it. What I do when i think about women is not really positive enough to be called “daydreaming”, its more obsessing and ruminating and shit. its just back and forth and if i get conclusions they are not good conclusions. visualizing me smokin spliffs in the mountains is a LOTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTT more pleasant.

that arguing in my mind all the ways women are horrible but its not their fault because either nature designed them this way for a Reproductive Reason, or the J’s brainwashed them to ruin them.

maybe i am not getting hired because i am not wearing a VEST with my suit hahahahahaha. when i got the suit there was a matching vest that i probably should have got because its basically the only chance to get a matching vest.

and having a vest can sometimes look very classy.

but honestly do you REALLY think it ALWAYS makes you look better in interviews?

powerful ceos and trump on tv debates, hes never wearing a vest. just a normal suit. and he doesnt look like an unhirable slob just because hes not wearing a VEST with his suit!!!!!!!!!!

so yeah i think this is faulty logic, that im not getting hired because im not wearing a VEST with my suit hahahahaha. besides it looks kind of ODD. like its a real weirdo autist wearing a vest. kind of like a bow tie, but much less phaggy and gay. phaggy yuppie hipster young urban professional SWPLs actually do wear bow ties with their Problem Glasses and Arm Tattoos to their Cool Corporate jobs.

if you move your hands and arms around alot when you talk, that makes you look less rigid and more normie. unless you go totally overboard with it. which i could see an autist doing. overcompensating. thrashing his arms around like a helicopter. that is just as bad.

sheeeeeit i might be OK with never having children as long as I made 30k a year in a job that didnt drive me crazy, and i could smoke MJ, and maybe bang the occasional young slut. bang a slut once every 2 months, how about that. i will continue to SUPPORT white families and white children, but why the hell should i have them myself if i dont have the money to raise them, and i cant get a woman worth having them with?

yes, it WOULD BE NICE to have children, but would it be the END OF THE WORLD if i didnt???

but in the absence of wife and children, i WOULD like to have good looking (7/10, under 30) sluts to bang on the reg.

but its kinda degenerate life eh, banging sluts and smoking MJ with no wife and children when you are 40, 50 years old?

yes it is. but i would accept that and find other ways to support the whites who DO have children. donate money and time to the survival and growth of My Race. and not tell my other racial warriors about my MJ habit hahahahaha.

see unlike technical J aaron clarey, i wouldnt be ENCOURAGING or BRAGGING about the hedonistic enjoy the decline poolside childless lifestyle. I’d say, this is NOT ideal, but I have come to accept my fate. so i will enjoy my life and also try to encourage a BETTER life among other whites. ie having children.  maybe i could have Foster Children hahahahahahahahahaha.

well, those cost MONEY too. and if youre going to spend a LOT of money on children like that, they SHOULD be your own.

basically, the amount of money I’d be giving to the Cause would NOT be enough to actually raise a white child with, becuase i wouldnt be MAKING that much money to begin with. i would make enough to support myself, muh degen MJ habit, muh little home in whitopia, and regular dnations to the white race, and thats about it. 30k a year. cant raise a family on that. not even on 40k a year.

yep this place is only 3.6 miles away, 9 minute drive, insanely close.

got the dress suit on now, yeah this shirt is too big. that is killing me more than not having a VEST is killing me.

great sense of judgment hahahaha. oh i can make decisions quickly and decisively. they just wont be the RIGHT decisions. this is why i am normally so indecisive hahahaha and have to PRETEND to be decisive.

welp had my big interview. it was ok. lasted 45 minutes to an hour. talked to a woman. she was ok. i mean they arent in ATTACK mode like a presidential debate. they arent looking to CRUCIFY you.

i did about the same as i always do. average. ok. was nervous and spaghetti spilling. i just start rambling like an autist cuz i figure its better than freezing. i mean i am just looking to make 14 dollars an hour like eveyrbody else. yeah well this job pays like like 20, 21 dollars an hour. DAMN.

i mean its good that i get interviewed for such high paying jobs! KIND of a confidence builder! but i feel I am only WORTH 12 to 16 dollars hehehehe.

well there is a second interview, with the CIO. we will see if i get invited to that. probably not hahahahahahaha.

well i survived through another interview at least.

also. i was watching that uppity negro trevor noah on the daily show, to get All Sides in these turbulent times, and hes making stupid jokes regarding trump being a bad man for touching women without their consent, this is literally raep, etc., its not JUST vulgar language but abusive actions.

ok lets say trump DID reach out and grab a woman by the Pvssy. and say that woman said ew STAHP you BAD MAN and slapped him and pushed him away. what do you think he would do?

he would back off and say oh ok, i see how it is maam. whatever you say. do you honestly think he would force himself on the woman?

BESIDES, the woman would be more likely to LIKE it and to accept his advances anyway. but if she said STAHP and pushed him away, i am CERTAIN trump would Respect Her Consent hahahahahahaha.

just like ANY man who engages in such Locker Room Talk.  I mean i say much worse things about women but i have never grabbed a woman like that, and if some woman told me to STAHP I would defintely STAHP. to a damn fault.

i am glad he has been able to get over this (well at least in my view hahahaha), it shows what a non issue it is. however if he were caught on tape using N bombs, that would truly be the end. and that would suck.

see its kinda like how most women have Raep Fantasies but they dont want to be Really Literally Technically Raeped, just rough secs with a handsome ravishing man. So why cant MEN have their own side of that “Raep Fantasy” where they like playing the role of that Ravishing Man who reaches out and grabs women by the Pvssy? it doesnt mean he’s going to or even WANTS to Literally Raep the woman!!!!!!!!! you fookin hypocrite liars!!!!!

liek none of you shitlib males ever did anything Shady With Women!!!!!!!!!

besides you wantt o talk about shady, look at these women racking up 5 new secs partners a month on tinder. as if you cant even get preggers from secs.

people acting so HORRIFIED. clutching their pearls. like they dont have NOODS on some dudes phone they dont even know, sucking dicks of guys whos names they dont even know.

well MAYBE i could make enough money to have ONE child, wouldnt that be ok? i mean yeah ideally i would have 3 or more, but i def wont ever make THAT much money. but it is a lot more conceivable that MAYBE one day i could make enough money to have ONE child. (of course i might never make enough money to even get married.)

and again i dont want to have children with somebody i am not totally in luv with. like i was with that woman. so finding a woman i luv naturally leads me to really start thinking about children. with this woman. not some random tinder slut.

and i would probably be okay with just banging tinder sluts from here till eternity, provided i had the basics of a survivable job, maybe muh own place, and a regular supply of MJ hahahahaha. i just cant get over that folks. i have to accept it. i dont WANT to quit MJ. says a guy who has smoked MJ 2 days out of the last 400 days or so. yet I THINK about it EVERY day. even though i NEVER smoke it. though i WANT to. EVERY day.

youd THINK i smoke it every day. but like i said. only 2 days out of the last 400 or 420 (hehehehehe) when i was on my little labor day meetup with the old friends.

but yeah MJ is the solution to all problems. it takes the edge off foreveralone, and heartbreak, and also on stressfull jobs where you feel on the verge of a nervous breakdown every day hahahaha. you cant go home and get drunk, but you sure as hell can get blazed every day, and it works pretty well!!!!!!!!

i mean I cant get drunk. plenty of people do though. i mean i dont know if I will ever be “OK” to drink again. and i am fine with never drinking again, but i am totally not fine with never having MJ again!!!!!!!!

another word for BEEF CURTAINS is MEAT DRAPES hahahahahahahahahaha.

maybe i need to find some alt right people who are tolerant of the degeneracy of MJ hahahha. pro-MJ alt righters hahahahahaha. theres got to be a few.

well thing is, i understand and agree with the standard alt right opinion that MJ is degen. i just refuse to give up that degeneracy. i think i know better. just keep it secret and dont tell my internet buddies who i dont even talk to hahahahah.

well one of my Personal Goals is to actually Physically Meet Up in Real Life with Alt Right, TRS, Daily Stormer people. Pro White, Right Wing, White Men.

i dont know what to tell you. yeah i could have been more electrifying today. hey you should have seen me when i was 18. i was a lot more charming. my shy boyish charm was endearing. now its just considered sad at best, creepy and weird at worst.

but yeah it sucks not being able to deal with life!

 

this guy talks like a phag and hes too successful and normie, but great example of blaming himself when his ex was really just a piece of cheating trash, and he blames himself that he was the bad guy and he made her cheat cuz he was too jealous, and he is still hung up on the woman.

 

oct 12

interesting incident last night at social game at pub, table of 5 men incl me and 1 youngish woman, gf of one of the guys. another one of the guys is “on the outs” due to general, prolonged drunken, annoying behavior and general cluelessness, bad fit, obnoxiousness. i tolerate him the best and just tune him out, plus i am not terribly offended by his jokes, plus i am closer to him politically than some of the leftist men.

we have been avoiding a difficult confrontation to dump him from the group. i am fairly content to just tune him out. plus i have more understanding and sympathy for him i guess. doesnt mean i want to defend him too strongly, because he should just pick up on the social cues, but that is not his strong suit, plus the drinking doesnt help.

some men make off color jokes and Locker Room Banter about women that Women can join in……while other men’s Locker Room Banter has a more anti-woman, mean, bitter edge to it. you can tell. stuff that makes women uncomfortable and sounds “Creepy” or “rapey” or “sketchy”, vs it doesnt. of course its way too easy to make women uncomfortable.

basically i see myself in the guy, we are both woman haters, and i totally understand and sympathize with woman haters. i know where it comes from and this is their way of Acting Out against the women who have hurt them or broken their heart in the past.

at the same time, i agree that women are entitled to be upset, offended,angry, creeped out by these types of remarks. they have less discernment in being able to tell is this man a violent abuser or raper, because really rapers and abusers say the same type of mean stuff (and maybe some of them dont!)

BUT I dont believe saying these type of Mean, Bitter things is a Slippery Slope AT ALL to eventually BECOMING a violent abuser. I could never live with myself if i actually abused a woman! I have no desire. I mean there is no chance it would ever happen. And I think this guy is the same way.

at the same time, i have a filter, i know what is appropriate to say, i KNOW my sense of bitterness is not very acceptable, so i keep it private, and if I were making Locker Room Banter about Pvssys, its gonna be more socially-accepted banter, with very good faith effort to hold back “i hate all women because they are stupid whores who deserve only to be brood mare slaves” type remarks.  even when i got sloppy drunk i dont think i said stuff like that. of course back then i was still a feminist hahahahahahahahahahahaha and total white knight.

well, i still kinda AM a white knight too! but def no longer a feminist.

anyway i can see how this woman is rightfully upset about this sloppy drunk guy making remarks to waitresses about Eating Pvssy or whatever. I think this guy likes to push the line with women directly in that way. tries to make women angry, so he can step back and be like whoa whoa whoa im just kidding sweetie, dont be so sensitive!

anyway the big diff here is, he pushed this womans buttons, and this woman unleashed on him, directly told him “NOT OK”, and also made direct reference to his Drinking and Sloppy Drunkenness and that the other guys just put up with you and are too nice to say anything (which is more or less true).

OF COURSHE he is a Conservative Trump Supporter who has dropped N-Bombs hahahahahaha. So the Leftist Element of our group views him as a Vile, Deplorable Racist, Sexist, Misogynist, Evil White Man. And I really should stand up for him on that front, and say you can be a good racist and sexist without being a Sloppy Obnoxious Annoying Mess!

i mean basically he says a lot of stuff ranging from groanworthy to downright cringeworthy. and of course cringeworthy can be seen by women and womencucks (hahahahahaha) as problematic, Hateful, Not Ok, oppressive, cis white male privilege, abusive, CREEPY, rapey, weird, uncomfortable, triggering, etc etc etc.

i mean basically i think if he’s gonna use borderline weirdish locker room talk around women, he has to be prepared for the confrontation by women. i think he might like it on some level. and see i dont do this whatsoever. i am so good with my filter that its not even a risk. also i dont really WANT to be a woman hater, but I’ve pretty much accepted it as something that im just too old to change, plus for me, its EASY to use my filter and blend in. even if i am tired or stressed or scared hahahaha. plus my personal style is very different. i am very cool and cold and dont rock the boat, and polite and uncontroversial, go along to get along, cant we all just get along, minnesota nice, cool as a cucumber, dont say anything that might be offensive to anyone. dont offend anyone.

and very few things can offend me. the “hateful” things this guy says dont offend me because i totally understand him. if i knew he actually beat or raeped women i would feel differently and be more against him. but i really dont think he does or has!

i dont like to push peoples buttons because i know its not gonna do anything productive. theres really no point. its a lose for me. there is no benefit or incentive for me. why do it.

it really is amazing that i have such a good filter, because basically all my thoughts are socially inappropriate. i mean how is the mask not slipping. how is there no chinks in the armour. but theres really not. the only chinks are, well, he’s a pretty quiet guy, and i have never really heard of him Dating A Wimmin, but he seems pretty nice. probably just a Shy Guy who doesnt have a lot of Confidence with Wimmin.

which is very very true! i mean that is accurate as fook!

and really i know Not All Women are like that. honestly when i get out in public and see normie women, i dont feel hate or disgust even though they might do disgusting things. and i care about that impacting the white race, but i am very good about Accepting People Where They Are and seeing the good in people. kinda surprising actually! this is very easy to do when i am with them socially. VERY difficult when i am by myself writing.

i really only get OFFENDED and BUTTHURT when somebody hurts me directly, and to do that, i need to have kinda a serious deep rel with them, which i just dont have with most people! the closer you are to me, the more you can offend me.

well, i also get offended by Customers thinking i’m Stupid.

and i get offended by women being sluts and babies.

but i can very easily hold that back unless they are being sluts or babies to ME. then i get PISSED. or DEVASTATED.

i mean i dont really DO any locker room talk anyway because its degenerate and pornographic. i dont get excited by banging sluts. i get excited by nondegen, nonporno stuff like a traditional white family, a loving white waifu, monogamy, loyalty, Mutual Support, cuddling, not Blowjobs from Barsluts in Parking Lots, or jerking off to Porno. which i guess makes me Weird among men.

my kind of Locker Room Talk would be, why are so many women such huge, disgusting cvm guzzling whores? and yeah that sounds hateful and creepy and bitter. because it is!

basically i should be happy and confident, because when i get out in The World With Women, I’m not thinking, look at all these DISGUSTING WH0RES, how many cox has she sucked, etc. I mean i think about it, but its way on the back burner, and i always give women the benefit of the doubt and treat them like Human Beings and I am NICE TO EVERYONE. Nobodys life is EASY. I pride myself on not being an OBNOXIOUS person.

if some woman has a huge slut past, well, thats her problem, not my problem, unless i am in a rel with her. yeah its the white races problem, but im not gonna FIX her right here and now. we live in a very degenerate society so as long as someone is trying to be nice to me and not obnoxious, im happy with that, on the short term, small talk, real world interaction level.

and if someone is being obnoxious to me, i just ignore them. unless i really care about their opinion of me, like theyre obnoxious to me because i am weak and pathetic…but i dont really get that hahahahahaha. only if i am trying to build a rel with a wimmin and she rejects me, which only happens like once every 5 years or so.

i realize that my problem with women is at least 50% my own personal issues with women, not just The Way Women Are. but There IS a way that women are!!!!! but i think my own issues make me think that this is worse than it actually is.

like i have very mixed feelings about this women, the Sensitive GF. i dont trust her, i dont trust her with him, i dont trust her not to break his heart, or to put in enough effort, or to be a good GF basically. i dont think shes a bad person but i think shes a little bit too crazy to ever have a good rel, and i strongly suspect Father Issues and very possibly Past Abuse issues and even more possibly Slut Past issues. i would not want to date her at all. although she is QT. and how would i feel if she were showing any interest in me. i probably would get sold on her, like her BF is.

but i still try not to judge her TOO much, and i think she is perfectly entitled to be upset and butthurt about what the drunk guy is saying, and to call him out on it.

she was worried about being Gaslighted as That Crazy Gurl. i mean i dont think shes an idiot, and she did have the right to stand up for herself and speak out against his Locker Room Talk which again, is the TYPE of locker room talk which really triggers women as being a Potential Threat.

what i’m far more concerned about is his Generally OBnoxious, Drunken, Annoying behavior, and the best way to address Dumping him from our group, vs just tolerating him to avoid that Very Uncomfortable Direct Confrontation. OBVIOUSLY direct confrontation is best. kinda funny that it took a timid quiet gurl to do it, rather than a bunch of big burly bearded men hahahahahahahahaha wimmin r so stronk and independent dont need no man, men are pussy manchildren pajama boi.

ok got in 1 job app today hahahahaha. hopefully a few more hehehehe.

got to go to job related TEST tomorrow. 9 am. yikes. a computer and software test. for the PT job that I already took a 90 minute written test on. and prob bombed because it had a lot of specific accounting question and since i havent taken accounting in 7 years, i cant remember debits and credits. but i got an A+ in accounting 1 AND 2. all that shit. bonds, stocks, debits, credits, cash flows, balance sheets, owners equity, reconciliations, depreciation, ledgers, journals, all that shit, i USED to know it. it is honestly a LOT of shit.

ldr. he wants to fight for it. he is very worried she just wants to give up and walk away without fighting.

oh you bad man. stop FIGHTING. its pathetic and creepy. just respect her wishes to say “meh” to a 5 year relationships. SHE KNOWS WHAT SHE WANTS. stop trying to COERCE and PUSH her. just accept youre getting thrown away like yesterdays trash. which you are. accept it. respect it. RESPECT IT.

ITS NOT POSSIBLE TO RESPECT SOMEBODYS DECISION TO TREAT YOU WITH DISRESPECT!!!!!!!

this is why i hate the phrase respect her decision. i was accept it, but i absolutely will not respect it.

well, woman haters like me always SEE disrespect where there is none, right. any time a woman doesnt agree with you and exercises her own will is  disrespect right.

fook you!!!!

of course no one is really saying that, except the fake fictional fantasy evil woman “Stereotype” in muh head. and real women arent THAT shitty. in my head there lives the Shittiest Woman who ever lived hahahahaha. the donald trump uncle adolf shitlord of women hehehehehe.  just the evilest, stupidest, immature, 6000000 foot cranky baby with a 60000000 foot flamethrower, the stupidest, the sluttiest, the most emotional, worlds worst woman, pandora, delilah, jezebel, eve. the worst of everything.

i do like how trump hates The Media. because how could you not. admonishing the shit out of these sleazy, low down, dirty, bottom feeding “Skypes” hahahahahahahaha. i wonder if this is a RACIST DOGWHISTLE that he is joo-wise. because people that talk about (((THE MEDIA))) like that are sometimes joo-wise.

well you think anyone that works in real estate in NYC is joo-wise!!!!!!

oh wow. he just said “believe me the LAST THING i wanna do is invade her space” in reference to the idea that he was LOOMING over her like a horror movie villain cis white male at the 2nd debate.  IMHO it is kinda cocky to say something like this (“he is judging her physical appearance and implying womens worth is only in the phsyical and again talking in aggressive terms about aggressively invading and groping women etc”) so it is pretty AWESOME that in a mere 5 days, he has completely BTFO’d the grab em by the pvssy debacle. i mean he is back at the top of his game after like 2 days of contrition. beautifully played don. no i am not joking!!!!!!!!!!

i hate that women are allowed to make so many mistakes, over and over and over and over again, about the men they fook, do the life creation process with, its ok to make tons of mistakes and never learn from them and never be responsible. NO.

ive made a lot of mistakes, but i never made a mistake about the women i was interested in. well, somewhat i did, in that i shouldnt have been interested in a few of them, because they were crazy sluts. but what was MORE compelling was that they were Young, Cute, I saw them Regularly, they showed an interest in me, and I talked to them fairly smoothly. shit, all that combined was more than enough to outweigh Crazy and Slutty. because its not like i had women knocking down my door. i didnt have a SELECTION, a CHOICE.

and this is normal, natural. WOMEN ARE THE SUPPLY, MEN ARE THE DEMAND.

so its a LOT more forgiveable when i “choose” a young pretty gurl even if she is tech a bad choice, because its not like i had a real choice. you go long periods of drought and then once every few years one woman pops up.

now women, they never have a drought. they have a pool they can pick from. so YES it IS bad that they keep making poor choices here. they have plenty of experience choice making. they make a new choice every few months. men get a non-choice popping up once every few years.  and also women can get pregnant, so the CONSEQUENCES of their choices are a lot more serious. so YEAH I resent them for makign bad choices over and over and over and over and over and over and never learning yet being given a new chance very frequently.

and it didnt always used to be this way!

i mean i cant REALLY hate women because theyre not responsible for any of this, the joos are. the joos ruined everything.

but honestly. how damn hard is it to keep your legs closed ya damn sluts????? so yeah i DO blame women for that. they arent totally helpless.

so, i hate women because they have hurt ME by beign crazy, promiscuous, immature, cowardly, cold, hehehhehe.

jeez the CEO of the bank i had the big interview for and job i really want to get looked at my linkedin profile cuz i looked at his yesterday. the fookin CIO or tech manager cant even look at my profile, but the god damn CEO. come on.

but like i say, when confronted with a real life woman who maybe has a past of being a crazy slut, hurting people, making terrible decisions….. i still treat the woman amazingly friendly, polite, non judgemental.

in other words, i THINK i hate all women, but i really just hate THAT Woman. and when i am alone and writing here, i think ALL women have the WORST traits of THAT woman. when its just not true.

also she didnt even have terrible traits. she had good intentions but not enough courage to do the mature thing. thats ALL. thats IT.

maybe it speaks to the disproportionate, extreme pain of “ghosting” itself? you might not INTEND to do it, but it can still cause a CRAZY amount of pain?

really this hadnt really been done to her. i mean yeah her father abandoned her but she basically grew up thinking he was a deadbeat. i think he appeared every once in a while but she never had a good, close, regular consistent rel with him, and i dont think either one of them WANTS to. he’s just some deadbeat who never really cared about her, but its not really a Total Ghosting, especially if they talk like once every 2 years or something hahahahaha. and also she was like a BABY when he left. there never was a time when he was around, being a good father.

her longterm ok boifran, he didnt Ghost Her. they just argued for months and then had a fairly mutual Break Up and continued to talk to each other a little bit afterwards. it didnt seem super hateful.

so yeah she didnt do this to me because it had been done to her. she just did it because she was THAT immature and cowardly that she couldnt handle talking to me WHATSOEVER. not even to send a text or email or have somebody else send a text or email.

¯\_(ツ)_/¯

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this is how women communicate hahahahahahaha

😂

hahahahahahaha the blacks love this one, and prob women too

👨‍👨‍👦

jejejejejejej

👦🏿🔫🌜

hehehehehe they would do this one on racist google hangouts sometimes hahahaha

so yeah really the bottom line, the takeaway is, i dont hate women in the real world as much as i think i do in my head. meaning, when it comes to these real sluts out there, i can view them as Human Beings and I treat them with Human Dignity hehehehe. I DO NO HARM to anyone. not nonwhites, not women. thats what antiracists and antisexists dont udnerstand. they think we are HATEFUL and want to HARM people. WRONG.

and then they say well youre being DIVISIVE. DIVISIVE. stop DIVIDING people and FOMENTING FEAR. LOVE NOT FEAR. stop this US VS THEM mentality.

no i just dont want weird violent foreigners in muh neighborhood. in muh city. or blacks. in the US we have a black problem and yeah that is related to Slavery. i still say, give em their own country in like louisiana or alabama or mississippi or something.

i mean right now, progressive whites are saying, yep its an objective fact, take a look at the balance sheet. whites have done more harm against blacks, latinos, nonwhites, whatever. whites are in power and whites abuse that power, and now they need to STEP DOWN and accept that nonwhites should have real power in Our Democracy, and also that whites have to make reparations, because whites did massive Crimes. and whites are STILL in power, and its only JUST to FIGHT that power. so i’m glad when affirmative action gives jobs to blacks and i dont get the job. thats a very unlikely situation anway. ive already got a good job. but im MORE than happy to start cheking and giving up my white privilege to make a more progressive, equal, fair, nonracist society!!!!!!!!

i know actual white leftists, this is how they think!

black cities are full of crime because whites KEPT THEM DOWN! whites wouldnt hire them for good jobs, whites wouldnt lend them money to start businesses adn create jobs, whites wouldnt let them live in white neighborhoods, redlining, blockbusting, thats why stuff like section 8 is a GOOD thing! white landlords not renting to blacks. the whites are TRAPPING the blacks, putting them back in chains!

this is insanely wrong and evil, so yes we must do our part to atone for these real sins!

ESPECIALLY if i take any pride in being White, then its even MORE reason to take responsibility for the BAD things whites have done, not just the GOOD things! (not that white leftists have ANY pride in being white)

why cant more songs on darkthrones new album be as good as “tundra leech”? that song is crammed with great riffs, and then there is a BIG dropoff. but that song made me think, damn this is one of the best Metal Songs of 2016. darkthrone STILL HAS IT!!!!!!! (not that ive listened to many 2016 metal songs!)

just have a LITTLE bit more black metal guys! or at least make all the songs as good as “tundra leech”! this is more black metal in the celtic frost sense rather than the transilvanian hunger sense.

(i am well aware “tundra leech” is a ridiculous name, but DT has been doing insanely ridiculous song titles since “straightening sharks in heaven” in 2004. which reminds me, “sardonic wrath” has an excellent production on it, but i can’t really say how good the songs are.)

so i guess clandestine blaze is the ideal replacement for darkthrone then right? i mean DT is obviously a huge influence for CB.

so yeah DT is always an interesting topic of conversation, really ALL their albums are different in some way, and fenriz would probably be a fun guy to Hang Out with.

but i also can’t understand making enough money to have children…..and then not having children, and living as a 44 year old adolescent. i mean its fine to listen to music, but music is his whole life.

but yeah same wiht like beethoven.

but beethoven was a little more Musically Significant than Fenriz tho, no?

sure……but fenriz is pretty damn significant. i mean he’s already left a legacy. maybe thats why he doesnt feel the need to have children. his music is his children! and it will live forever! ok ok i can get that, fine.

i mean shit. if i can come back to “plaguewielder” 15 years later and enjoy it, whos to say i wont be enjoying “the cult is alive” in 5 years hahahahha.

gotta get up at 615 am tomorrow yet i am doing social game tonight, wont get home till 1230 am, i mean if i had to WORK i would not do this! but i KNOW i dont have to be “ON” at my thing tomorrow morning. im not getting PAID. Im not WORKING. I guess it would be smart to Study for my Test. like what. study excel. study quickbooks. study accounting. study macros. just study shit for 4 hours so i can get 100% on the test. treat it like a College Maths Exam. I wouldnt be going out at night if i had a Math Exam the next morning!!!!!!!!

but i AM kinda butthurt at the org for making me jump through SO MANY goddamn hoops all the time. a 90 minute written test, a 90 minute excel test, and an interview, just to get put on a LIST for a PART TIME job. and then having to REPEAT this WHOLE process for every part time job you apply for. now its just like one every 3 months because thats how few job openings they have. im just sick of giving and never getting. going there to take interviews and tests for PT jobs every few months and NOTHING. like who do i have to suck off to get a PT job? how come stupid 18 year old gurls get PT jobs in certain departments? am i overqualified or do they just hate gaps? OR BOTH????

its a fact of fookin life, people get gaps sometimes. LONG GAPS. because so many employers are gapist hahahahahahahahaha.  but yeah gaps are literally the kiss of death and ive got it BAD. THAT WOMAN never had serious gap problems like i do. and people who dont have gaps just dont understand!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

yes, i address the gap directly in my cover letter. as of sept 2016 i do hahahahaha. i think this is a great move and i am grateful to the real life person who suggested it.

intimidated and insecure by Female Sexuality???

NO, I JUST DONT LIKE SLUTS!!!!!!!!!!!!! Theyre DISGUSTING!!!!!!!!!

well, their sluttiness is disgusting. hate the sin, love the sinner hahahaha.

besides, i can get along just fine with women who have had Slut Pasts, provided I’m not trying to Start A Rel with them.  I would intentionally keep them at a distance, but I wouldnt be MEAN or impolite about it!!!!!!!

but i dont really care that the waitress who serves me is a slut! if anything i think, that poor girl, she’s got a horrible job, i could never do that, i will be nice to her and give her a good tip. TOUGH LIFE. maybe she’ll find a good man some day. but im not interested.

but yeah nature and nurture. when you see White Trash you think, i KNOW whites can do better than this. so maybe nurture IS more important than nature. there are total white trash neighborhoods, areas, trailer parks, etc. why cant some of them Rise Above a life of drugs, single mothers, deadbeats, bad boys, white trash? or are they a lesser subspecies of whites that were Born That Way? Irish? Italian? Polish? hahahahahaha. Squatting Slavs? Potato Eating Potato Negros????

600 DAYS TO GET OVER IT

821

yeah i think i am starting to move on thank god, over a month later. i mean i am not out of the woods at all. as i say, this is no better than 6% recovery. 6 percent in like 37 days. equals 100 percent in….. draw the two fractions and solve for x….using wolfram alpha to do this fairly quickly…. 617 days????? are you fooking KIDDING me???

almost TWO YEARS? to get over this bullshit?

maybe. the internet agrees, or at least the normal well adjusted normalfags of the internet agree, that Ghosting is a veyr painful way of getting dumped.

i do feel a bit vindicated after reading about that ghosting.

the media writes about it because of charlize theron. i think in THAT case, the Ghosting was Atrocious. she is a grown ass 40 year old woman who should know better; she was dating sean penn for a while in terms of hollywood things, at least 6 months, and ghosting is only acceptable for Perfect Strangers and Less Than 3 Dates; which they were not. So the articles should be slamming charlize for being a huge immature B and treating him with such disrespect.

thats what it all boils down to: you show the person NO RESPECT AT ALL. it HURTS to be DISRESPECTED in such a way, when you are not used to receiving such extreme disrespect from others, especially those who once respected you. it just doesnt add up.

i didn’t ABUSE her. I just pushed her to communicate, because there was an elephant in the room that any mature adult would agree needed to be communicated about.

but i was abusive and toxic because i pushed in the wrong way, or too hard, or in a toxic way. i was communicating wrong about wanting to communicate. jesus christ.

ok redoing that wolfram thing. say i am SEVEN percent Over It, then to get to 100 percent would only be… 529 days. ok little better. you see what a difference 1 percent makes! its at a very quickly changing region of the graph.

6 % ….. 617 days

7 % …. 529 days. uhhh expect to be over it end of december 2016. nice.

8 % …. 463 days

9 %…. 411 days

10%….370 days.

well wait. how do i make it a god damn straight line. i am getting a curved line. i want a straight line. i want to know it takes x days to Get Over It Y percent. consistently.

so, 6 percent in 37 days is approx 1 percent in 6 days. therefore, 100 percent in 600 days.

shit.

well, THAT graph IS curved because each situation represents a different RATE OF CHANGE. what the rate of change DEPENDS on is whether i am at 6 percent or 7 percent etc right now! So that is really an important decision to make!

welp, in that time i could probably start and finish HVAC training skool, although probably not find a job as well hahaha.

i kind of think that is what GOD is calling me to, sort of, and all this is another signal.

hahahaha I wish GOD communicated DIRECTLY using actual words, rather than using stupid SIGNALS like a COWARDLY IMMATURE WOMAN.

hahahahaha.

i have a very adversarial, not very friendly relationship with GOD. I resent his absolutely control over my immortal soul. I wish he were a better GOD hahahaha.

why, because i want to jerk off, and have premarital secs, and use birth control, and permit end of life cancer euthanasia, and have the option of abortion maybe be legal?

well yes because its ALL a slippery slope towards degeneracy, immorality, evil, and damnation! all a slippery slope away from GOD!

http://theden.tv/2015/03/18/confessions-of-an-overeducated-ac-man/

this article and series of articles was very instructive for me recently, cant remember if i posted them here, but they are valuable enough to be posted again and again.

a young man who found college only Set Him Up For Failure, because he naively didnt get a STEM degree, so his story has lots of paralells to mine. so after he graduated and couldnt find a job, he became an HVAC man and makes more than he would in an Entry Level Job with a Useless Degree.

he tells the stories of 3 or 4 of his peers, how they are in a similar boat, and how they are struggling in very sad ways, to become adults, throughout their entire 20s, and will more than likely become manchild failures, terminally underemployed or unemployed, in Toxic Relationships with Shitty Women, at best, and terminally forveralone at worst.

great set of articles. another sign from GOD for me.

top one is the first artcile, talk about his own story. here are the ones where he talks about his friends stories:

http://theden.tv/2015/04/24/observations-of-an-overeducated-ac-man-part-2-of-4/

the mystic, a college dropout loser who got into buddhism in the worst possible way, to become a depressed nihilist loser and completely aimless

http://theden.tv/2015/04/28/observations-of-an-overeducated-ac-man-part-3-of-4/

the gamer, another college dropout who smokes weed all the time and is content doing that and working as a waiter

http://theden.tv/2015/05/01/observations-of-an-overeducated-ac-man-part-4-of-4/

the emt, another college dropout who is probably the most successful of the 3, got emt training, got a steady emt job, got a gurlfran, but the gurlfran sucks and he is still too beta to demand respect and demand a better woman. but at least he is much more gainfully employed than the other two college dropouts.  almost as gainfully employed as the college graduate in a trade skool job hahahaha.

lesson learned, dont go to college, go to trade skool. if you do go to college, do a stem degree, focus on your post graduation JOB ASAP, like RIGHT AWAY, like First Year or earlier, so you can get into it IMMEDIATELY after graduating, and do NOT get sucked into college debauchery or degeneracy.

well, if you’re a man, and you are able to pull Easy College Pvssy, i say go ahead, to build your confidence by banging many young beautiful women.

but that’s risky because you may get your heart broken by Flaky Gurls who just want sex, as happened to several of the guys in these stories.

definitely dont drink and party too much because it will hurt your mind and sidetrack your focus on your Career.

i mean you have to be Career Oriented from DAY ZERO if you are gonna go to college……. which is pushed on 100% of Smart Kids in high school.

great set of stories, related a lot with them, thought about getting in contact with the author, best set of articles ive read all year. read them, save them, print them out and give them to your children, if you can ever be gainfully employed and meet a good enough woman to HAVE children. or god isnt calling you to be a childless ascetic beggar virgin hahahaha.

anyway the slant of the website is pretty rightist and even somewhat racialist, so that makes it a far-right neo-nazi site, which may lessen its credibility to Moderates. but this set of stories doesnt get too much into Race i assure you!

i dont see a problem with talking about Race anyway. this is all part of eric holders brave conversation about race hahahaha. also the news says that RACE is like the number ONE or TWO topic in the presidential campaign. race IS a big deal, elephant in the room.

a less scary way of framing it, for whites afraid to talk or think about race lest they get on the sippery slope to becoming an evil closed minded stupid ignorant racist redneck bigot hater antisemite homophobe, is to think about “multiculturalism” and think about has the Melting Pot Experiment really worked out for the best in the past 60 years or so?

i told you i was a racist hahaha dont you read the about page. but i dont turn nonwhites away. i respect that there are nonwhites who are also depressed anxious lazy losers who need help and moral support. you are more than welcome to get that from me. because of course we are all members of the human race.

besides, race is talked about all the time in college classes. always in a marxist antiwhite way, but just saying. we talk and think about race every damn day, get used to it. im just tired of all the white privilege talk and decided to go a different way. because im white and my white privilege was not enough to lift me out of loserness hahahaha. just like all the other white pro-whites. you find this same inferiority complex among all white pro-whites hahahaha. they are trying to compensate for their own personal failures at life hahahaha.

no thats the argument you always hear. and as someone who is a personal failure, it does hit a nerve! maybe the evil marxists are RIGHT!

THOSE ARENT ACTUAL INTERESTS

may 15

oh yeah.

there is a fuzzy faint feeling in head which may be from withdrawal of paxil. it is not debilitating but def distracting. a little bit.

maybe just drank too much coffee.

so we have established that normie is not bad, in fact, normie is good, we want to be normie.

normie does not imply degenerate.

BUT, what DOES imply degenerate, is the SECS which normies HAVE, secs arguably being THE defining FEATURE of being-a-normie.

but since most normies are NOT degen, therefore we can deduce that most of the SECS these normies are having is nondegen.

examples of degen secs:

taking pictures of the secs

cheating

open rels

casual secs

notice that most of these degeneracies, the direct causer is women not men

dumping a guy for no good reason

not giving a guy you dumped for no good reason some “severance” fooks to kind of wean him off rather than dropping a bomb on him: we will never have secs again starting RIGHT NOW

dumping a guy because “i dunno it just doesnt feel the same as it did before, i dont get all tingly any more, i dunno”

dumping a guy without giving a good solid effort to fix it first

. ok so. yeah women are more responsible for these degeneracies than men, so you would be stupid to not be “prejudiced” against women. men and women are different, and women are provably more degenerate than men. end of story.

to be fair, they are more gullible or suggestible really, and are very easily led down the path to degeneracy. so, even a not super strong man should have no problem leading them far, far away from that path, and down a good path instead. wish i had known that manny years ago hahahaha.

ongoing travelogue of author getting off medzlol

seem to be sweatier, and even more incoherent, little angier and more confrontational

but the dizziness and faintness is definitely happening, not super fun

also detoxing from “medical herb” as well ooo goody, so that is interacting as well

may 16

i keep forgetting that i am a huge supporter of using psychedelics to cure u of yr derpression and laziness. i would think something natural like muschrooms or dmt would be best, but maybe lsd too would be ok. just never have the privacy and opportunity to do such things. i would recommend 24 hours completely alone and try not to do anything stupid like jump out the window or breathe underwater, some people have accidentally K’d themselves this way while on psychs.

i was reading about terence mckenna and his early life where he said his first love was biology so then he went back to berkeley and completed his degree in 1975 , age 29. now by this time he had already had a very interesting life, traveling all over the world, having gurlfrans, researching his career interests in psychedelics, etc, and by all accounts appeared to be a total neverdepressed normie hahaha and certainly a huge nonvirgin!!!!

so it is hard for us to understand that academic interest in things, natural curiosity, loving knowledge for the sake of knowledge, because we are always so anxiously obsessed with how 2 get a job or how 2 get a gurlfran!!!!!! that we develop no curiosity in why this plant does that, the nature of time, stem interests, math, electricity, etc. we dont give a fook, we just want a qt to cuddle with and a job that pays 15 bucks an hour.

THESE AREN’T ACTUAL INTERESTS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

being intellectually curious in why such and such compounds rgeact the way they do, or reflecting on what hereclitus said about bla bla is an intellectual interest.

my problem is i was very smart, but lost interest in intellectual interests, due to obsession with “emotional interests” like how 2 get qt gurlfran, and how 2 get 15$ job, and then lostinterest in everything else. therefore i could not use my intellect and could not turn my intellect into a $15 job thru grad skool hahahahahahahahahaha. i bet u know that feel too.

your anger makes you duller and dumber rather than tougher, sharper, and smarter.

so get some mushrooms RIGHT NOW and do them alone lol, theres your magic bullet. that will reconnect you with The Universe or with Your Higher Power like you were when you were a child. and then you can be interested in stuff again, not just superficial things like how to sell yourself to b1tches, how to sell yourself to jobs, how to persuade people to accept you.

FOOK THAT SH1T.

cant u just sit in your room by yourself READING and LEARNING and be completely at peace doing that?

fook no then u wouldnt be here hahahaha. that is one of the main things normies do lol besides having secs with their gfs.

always worried about stupid superficial surface bullsh1t like wimmin and jerbs. because u dont got none hahahahaha.

had a weird dream where i was in the sh1ttiest most run down ghetto, and there was a skool advertised as the ticket out of this slum, and the main ticket was being good at MATH (ie stem degree hahaha) and they gave us a test basically saying, if you can’t pass this test, then you BELONG here. and it was the hardest math test ever, like Calc 5 level. i was like damn i still got a LONG ways to go to make 15$ an hour and lift myself out of this slum. I thought it would be a simple 1+1 type arithmetic thing, but there was some intense calculus and god knows what on this test. everyone looked at the test, said wtf, and walked out, because noone knew how to do it. and the person who ran the school would not help you pass the test, just administered the test to show you what an idiot you were who deserved your squalid poverty.

the end hahahaha.