MEN HAVE VERY HIGH COMPETENCE WITH LOW EXPERIENCE, WOMEN HAVE NO COMPETENCE WITH VERY HIGH EXPERIENCE

oct 2

ok used this thing called coinpatrol to set up a bitcoin email alert to send me an email when the price drops more than 4% in one day. then i know I should think about buying hehehehehe. surprised coinbase doesnt have this. why not? prob because it costs money to develop and implement hehehehe. cuts into their profits goy.

so how come coinpatrol can do it? i guarantee they have WAY less money than coinbase.

explain this to a caller right now! you’re the expert!

http://www.loveshack.org/forums/breaking-up-reconciliation-coping/breaks-breaking-up/593201-girlfriend-dumped-me-unexpectedly-fight-her-give-up

got to stay away from reddit. just go to loveshack instead. i dont even know. loveshack COULD be worse. but at this point its better to take the devil you DONT know hahaha.

ok did 1 app of the day at stupid gay hospital that alwasy rejects me and is unprofessional as fook HR dept. because i can do these apps in 4 minutes and not 14 and didnt want to think at all cuz its sunday hahahaha.

also i didnt understand she was Checking Out Permanently from the Rel. I thought we were just going through a rough patch but that she just wasnt in the process of moving out. i wish she had TOLD ME hey just fyi, im moving out permanently right now. just so you know. no we ARENT gonna talk about this. im getting out as we speak.

because that is not whats implied by “i miss you too, of course well hang out soon”

hehehehe.

and i was too desperate and blind to read the nonverbal signs. but how about giving some verbal signs too, like, yeah, things arent looking real good for this, i dont think i can do this anymore, lets end this hahahaha.

they say not to be a perfectionist…..but you kinda HAVE to be! well, if not 100% perfect, then youhave to be #1 out of all the competitors. not #2. #1. the best. you have to be The #1 Best option among the options for the job, for the woman.

you can be GOOD, you can be CLOSE, but if you’re not #1, then the end result is 100% rejection, same as the retarded mongoloid at the bottom of the heap. private pyle.

and people say dont be a perfectionist…..but you HAVE to be to be successful in life. and then when you see people who are moderately successful in life (like that woman) who are not that impressive. im smarter and better than her!!!!! she’s perfectly average, even a little below average!

but im also not as smart as i think i am.

and then on bad days i think i am really stupid, and i am not really THAT stupid either.

well if she and other normies can be perfectly average and still be moderately successful, then I am probably average too, then why arent i moderately successful? because I’m not THE BEST? THEYRE not the best either!!!!!! they are just AVERAGE!!!!!

you shouldnt be able to be moderately successful if you are Just Average! You should have to be THE BEST in order to be moderately successful!!!!

for someone who naturally asks WHY? WHY? to be able to move on without why, to accept that why doesnt matter, is frustrating. whether its a woman dumping you in a harsh way, or somethign at your job that you SHOULD be able to explain, but cant, and even your employer doesnt care why, because to find out why would cost too much, for too little reward. why? i dont beleive it. show me those calculations.

http://www.loveshack.org/forums/breaking-up-reconciliation-coping/coping/597008-dealing-regrets

sheeeeeit. i think the biggest dealbreaker for me is not mudsharking, not even abortions, but just being a damn high number slut.

well, i have been willing to date high number sluts though, as long as they were qt and young. actually having children would probably be the dealbreaker. i have never been INterested in a woman who had children.

but I HAVE been willing to Date women who:

  1. were high number sluts
  2. had mudsharked
  3. had had abortions

so…..SEE!!! I AM WILLING TO COMPROMISE AND LOWER MUH STANDARDS!!!!!!!

now i never was interested in a woman who was ALL THREE. well…..i just dont know do I? its a lot harder to prove they have mudsharked or had abortions than to prove they are a slut. women will openly admit to being with a lot of guys, but arent as willing to admit theyve been with muds, or had abortions. you gotta be man enough to ask them.

ht     tps://heartiste.wordpress.com/2016/09/29/the-wages-of-sluttery/

i think heartiste might have officially come out as a 1488 WN. i hope he does. i mean he’s definitely sympathetic.

women have lots of male friends. men do not have many women friends. WOMEN do not have many women friends. therefore, we can concluded that women are shittier friends/people than men. Corrollary: women only have all these men friends because the men have ulterior motives hahahaha. want to fook them. no this doesnt mean all the men are dishonest NiceGuys. it just means they are desparate, sad, and lonely, desparate for female contact because they don’t have any.

jeez there is such drama going on at damn TRS, people getting banned left and right, infighting o rama, so stupid, a guy i really like was banned, and i dont agree with the banning, but if i complain about it, i will get banned, because its a fascist forum. because we are pro fascist. so what happens when the fascist admins ban people you like. you just keep silent and fall in line? it just seems all so fookin stupid. i dont dislike the guy who banned him, im just disappointed he went ahead and did that. i like both guys. banning should be for true enemies, traitors, subverters. and the guy who got banned was none of that. he just refused to stop talking to some people who had ruffled the higher ups feathers. damn.

also some cliquish bullshit that implies that TRS is softer on phaggotry than they should be. and i think there has been some hot heads and overreactions and misunderstanding, and good people get mad and ban other good people, and it leaves you with a sour taste.

so i hope they unban this one guy in particular.

its not enough to make me stop supporting TRS…..but if they keep doing stuff like this, that is not a good way to be.

theres just several cliques, a schism developing, a pro gay and an anti gay side. so fookin stupid. kinda related to how common filth fell out with the TRS people. now its a similar thing with natt and IM. ie, they are all on the CF side (very anti gay) who say that TRS is a pro gay side because they like MW and “Grindr Greggy” and richard spencer.  dont have a strong opinion on spencer, but I do like MW and GJ, but I also like florian who just got banned from TRS, but I think CF is too blackpill, I kinda like natt, i dunno, this drama is so retarded.

for what its worth, i dont think florian is a major instigator, possibly CF and slavros are. and natt.

this sorta shit has gone on forever with Political Movements. But I like florian and this is pretty disappointing, i really dont think he should have been banned. maybe he will be unbanned. people have been unbanned before.

in the final analysis i would end up on the pro-phag side because i am that big on supporting MW. i feel a Great Connection and Intimacy with him hahahahahaha because he was a despairing neet like me who threw his youth away and had many years of failure and no normies can understand that, and many alt righters are normie chads in that respect and dont understand it.

they will ALWAYS condemn MW because of his past, nothing he says or does now will ever be good enough for these Purity SPiralers hehehe. then they in turn say anyone who uses the term PUrity Spiral is a Phag Enabler. so thats me i guess. a phag enabler. a degen sodomite.

i just dont think its a huge problem, and i will even tolerate repentant gays. i think the muchhhhhhh bigger problem is degenerate slut WOMEN. and again, hate the sin not the sinner here. but i GUARANTEE that pound for pound, female promiscuity and casual sex is 1488000000000000000000000000 times a bigger problem than gay sex. like 1 out of 50 men is gay. 25 out of 50 women are sluts. COME ON. and im just talking about white men and women here.

anyway it sounds like iron march is attacking TRS more than TRS is attacking IM, which is not at all, TRS is just ignoring IM and banning IM sympathizers. and i guess the trs admins decided florian was too much of an IM sympathizer. doesnt mean im still not disappointed! I really liked florian! I hope florian is unbanned! I will still follow florian!

well the admin made an effortpost describing the situation so i appreciate that. im not asking for IM or natt to be unbanned. i just think florian got a bit of a raw deal.

BASICALLY, people like natt, common filth, and slavros of IM are pretty much anti-TRS and denounce TRS as phag-enablers, because TRS is friendly with spencer, greggy, and MW. those 3 guys go on twitter and talk shit about TRS. therefore, i can understand why TRS would not want these people on podcasts promoted on the TRS site.

I would still give florian the benefit of the doubt though. maybe just give him a tempban, or not advertise the episodes that had natt on. florian has the right to talk to whoever he wants, and TRS has the right not to promote those episodes. and natt and cf are overreacting by saying TRS is phag enabling. I read “grindr greggy” for years before TRS even existed. and I am pretty damn defensive of MW. I REALLY do not like people dissing MW. ive never heard florian dissing TRS or MW, thats all Im saying.

anyway. i was gonna say, women have WAY more experience than men being in relships, long term relships, being with several guys for a year, 2 years apiece……yet they are still INCOMPETENT AF, ESPECIALLY given all the EXPERIENCE and TIME they had. HIGH EXPERIENCE, VERY LOW COMPETENCE. in terms of learning lessons, becoming mature, getting good at skills like communication, problem resolution, compromise, communication, etc.

meanwhile, men have much less experience, AND much much MORE Competence! I have learned lessons and skills that women who have spent 5, 10 years of their lives In Rels have Not Yet learned……and Ive spent 0 minutes In A Rel! The Shit I’ve learned just from One sided pining, and friendships, and reading, and being rejected, and aborted pseudo-dating, i’ve learned more than most women learn from 5,6,7 solid YEARS of being IN a REAL rel!!!!!!!!

DAMN!!!!!

That woman was in a rel for 5 years with a guy, lived with him for years, spend 1000000s of hours having secs and being intimate with him, people saying i luv u to each other and seeing each other every day, and i have experienced NONE of that, yet I am STILL more Competent and Skilled and Mature and Knowledgeable than a Woman who has LIVED that LIFE for YEARS!!!!!! What does that tell you about womens AWARENESS and Maturity and Intelligence and Ways of Thinking???!?!?!?!?!?!?!??!?!

I am not just talking about her, but women in general.

well……i am just making assumptions again! maybe she DID KNOW a lot of shit, it was just a matter of COURAGE. she didnt have the COURAGE to do the right thing, so she just AVOIDED it. doesnt mean she DIDNT KNOW any better. she KNEW better, just didnt have the COURAGE to follow through with it.

who cares it was SIXTEEN MONTHS AGO.

but i said it would take TWO SOLID YEARS to get over.

just wish I had some MJ to help me get through those two long years tho!!!!!!

and also a damn job that I could work without panicking and freaking out and having damn terrified RUN AWAY flight or flight reaction!!!!!

sheeeeeeeeit.

oct 3

sheeeeeeit. trying to prep for phone interview tomorrow. glassdoor suggests that the job could pay close to 40k or 42k. 20 to 21 an hour. when i am only looking for 12 an hour. so now I gotta up THAT to look like im not desperate and below their league. well then WHY did their highly qualified HR wimmin with a masters degree pick ME for the phone interview?

also wish i had more exact stories from my old job. i copied some old cases but i neglected to copy my BEST cases.

so thats a regret. whenever i had a big problem or a ridiculous case at work, i should have wrote down as many details as i could, really just copied the whole case itself, and then spun it like what could i do to really save the day here, even if i didnt, and then tell that detailed, heroic, epic story in future interviews. but none of the cases i copied out of there were really THAT great.

its funny. even in my hardest college classes, i never felt like “this is too hard for me, i cant handle this. this is too complicated. im too dumb for this.” because i knew that somewhere out there, there was an answer to the problems, even if the teacher sucked and the book sucked, and if the problem sucked too much, you just gave it your best shot, got 1%, and didnt really care, cuz no one was gonna really BITCH at you about it, AND later you would probably be corrected and learn how to do the problem anyway. you were given readings and problems and lectures on HOW to do the shit. you knew about exams and deadlines from the beginning of the term. sometimes your instructor even HELPED you prepare for exams, like here’s what you really need to know, focus on this, not so much that, let’s take some questions and make sure we understand so and so.

and you NEVER had to explain anything to some bitch who was bitching you out for being an incompetent idiot who was bad at your job. it wasnt such a big deal to get stuff wrong.

your “team” and managers didnt resent you for making mistakes, your “customers” didnt resent you for making mistakes. you didnt really have a team. you didnt have customers. you just had an instructor who was like, welp you got this question wrong, its not the end of the world, and I will help you get your grade up if you are willing to put in the work. im not gonna BITCH at you for getting it wrong. I sorta want to help you understand these concepts better.

our stupid job was the type of job that REALLY made you want to DRINK. like oh god i cant believe i survived that day, OH GOD, I need a STRONG drink RIGHT NOW. and then you would CHUG some whiskey or scotch or vodka equal to at LEAST 1.5 or 2 shots worth, just chug it straight from the bottle. and THEN you would be like wewlad, ok, welp i HAD to a serious SHOT, now I will have a serious DRINK to unwind. then you pour a sipping drink equal to at least 2 or 3 shots. basically a minimum of 5 drinks to unwind from EVERY day.

5 drinks every workday will eventually turn you into an alcoholic and also the hangovers will become a problem. for work.

also, if you NEED 5 drinks, youre not gonna stop at 5. you will say shit, might as well have another. and another. the 5 really easily turns into 10. then youre shitfaced drunk and have to work the next day.

note: i never did any of this. and thats kind of a miracle. i mean i could see drinking honestly HELPING you in this situation.

i am surprised more people didnt drink ON the job. probably because you were in close quarters and could probably smell it.

but yeah every day i went in there, it felt like an Exam I Couldnt Handle, that I wasnt prepared for. Sure I generally got SOME test anxiety whenever i had a college test……but the shit i faced every day at the job was WORSE, because i never felt prepared, AND I had to talk to people who were bitching about their problems and thought I had the knowledge and skills to fix them…..when i actually knew just as much or less than they did.

oct 2 received millennial woes tshirt. not bad woesy. manlet woes lad hahahahaha.

well you know why people arent interested in their race being genocided, because they are too busy working 60 hours a week and then worrying about their job all other waking hours of the week. they simply dont have time to think about their race being genocided because all they can think or do is work. and beleive me theyre not happy about it! they wish they could think about anything else! when i was into the full swing of working, i could not follow news or racial stuff at all! i wanted to, but i was just too exhausted! I was so focused on day to day survival that i could not even THINK about what is happening to the white race!

i mean i CARED sure, but i cared more about how the hell i was going to survive the firing squad every day, the 10 hour Dissertation Defense where you hadnt spent 5 years researching and writing and thinking about your dissertation, your were basically plopped down to defend someone elses shitty dissertation in a field you knew nothing about.

if you had a 12 week boot camp like you do for boot camp, they would probably teach you some Fallback Training so that when you got weird shit, you could just Fall Back On Your Training and go through the motions and fake it till you make it.

but when you have shitty training, you just sit there and go uhhhhhhhhhhhhh like a deer in headlights and say i got nothing. i really have no idea. and youre stuck with me here. my higher ups dont have time to talk to you. youre stuck with me and i dont know what im doing, so bear with me because this IS gonna take a while. you would LITERALLY have just as good a chance trying to fix this yourself by looking at some chinese manual. because thats what im doing. and tyring to figure out what this goddam chinese manual is saying. and your guess is as good as mine.

like going to your doctor and he asks YOU for advice in treating YOUR problem. pretty ass backwards uh?

so yeah a VERY stiff drink is warranted at the end of the day. and if you cant drink, then a bigass spliff or bowl so you can get blazed as fook. i couldnt drink, and honestly getting blazed as fook was better than doing nothing.

my choices were get blazed, take valium, exercise, study shit to try to get a sense of control, go to bed early, and i tried a combination of all of those.

the best was: getting really blazed, then study cases for an hour or 90 minutes, then maybe exercise, then gt blazed some more, then go to bed early.

but yeah i wish there was a book or a mentor who could help you thru the early phases. like goddamn TRAINING WHEELS. and then you take off the training wheels when youre READY, or at least 75% CLOSE to being ready!

oh xfinity comcast i hate you kieran from comcast. not just that they give bad service and are joos, but that they have the AUDACITY to think THIS COMMERCIAL proves that they are improving their service. they put this stuff right out there are WERE SUPPOSED TO BE IMPRESSED? IMPRESSED THAT YOU CAN CHANGED YOUR WIFI PASSWORD? IMPRESSED THAT YOU CAN TWEET TO A SERVICE REP? IMPRESSED THAT YOU CAN SCHEDULE A CALL?????? NO!!!!!!!! NO ON ALL COUNTS!!!!!!!!

as far as customer service goes……learn a lesson from the companies that do it GOOD. (well). Companies that are rated by their customers as having great customer service. and then do what they do. all i know is that zappos and nordstrom have a REPUTATION for good customer service. maybe marriott or hilton too. do what they do.

its hard to think straight when youre panicking because youve never seen this before AND you have no idea how to fix it.

HOW CAN YOU FIX SOMETHING YOUVE NEVER HEARD OF??????

While this situation fills me with panic and dread, the idea Tech Person is EXCITED about the CHALLENGE. they LIKE Bullshitting their ways out of these RIDICULOUS situations.

woman is “ghosted” by man. just like finding/reading “ghosting” stories. this was worse because they were officially dating for 1.5 years. and she still handled it better than i did hahahaha.

https://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/living-forward/201511/is-why-ghosting-hurts-so-much

i probably linked this article again but it came up in that reddit

also there are no damn MEN talking about how theyve been ghosted by WOMEN so all these horrible reddit women are saying, “hmm this sounds like a male thing to do”

but yeah fact is reddit is just more interesting and easier to browse and read than loveshack.

heh. if you get put on the state medical mj list……do cops see that whenever they scan your license when you get pulled over? how much work needs to be done for LE to see if you are on that list? would it come up in a regular background check? what about a more serious background check? how many kinds of background checks are there? is the background check to get a sweet 40k a year job in a Good Company more or less stringent than the background check to get in the FBI? or a secret govt clearance? or get a job as a Copper?

heh there was a Creepy Clown sighting a few miles from my house. this has started to become a Real Life Meme in 2016 (actually I remember it earlier, but it seems to be Spiking again in Oct 2016 and imagine halloween has something to do with it) Just a Creepy Clown standing in a parking lot at 2 am waving at cars.

not too far from my house, and really close to HER house. I admit I read the news article sort of wishing to see HER commenting on it. damn. PATHETIC.

some people get the proper perspective, and when the person who GHOSTS them comes crawling back 6, 12, 15 months later, the ghostee says FOOK YOU ASSHOLE, FOOK OFF AND DIE YOU PIECE OF SHIT, which is the appropriate thing to say. her, i would take her back no question and be like i forgive you baby, i can understand why you did this, you were just scared, its ok baby i forgive you.

 

wow. IT TAKES A WHILE FOR SOME PEOPLE TO GET COMFROTABLE WITH SECS, YA DUMB, DIRTY WHORE!!!!!!

and ex boifran WHO IS ALSO HER BEST FRIEND

OH COME ON

PATHETIC.

ABSOLUTELY DEGENERATE.

well its more complicated, this case is, basically she is dumping him because shes still in luv wth her ex, not because he was awkward the one and only time they had secs. so really, nothing too interesting here.

i just hate how women have NO PROBLEM having secs quickly. dont they get NERVOUS? even if it werent degenerate, i would get NERVOUS! i dont KNOW this person! now im showing them my naked body and rubbing our genitalia together? and women have all these goddamn BODY ISSUES ANYWAY!!! and theyre NOT NERVOUS letting STRANGERS fook their naked body??!?!?!?! and they always  forget that women can get pregnant? WTF??!?!?!?!?!!!

you cant touch a womans stomach without them freaking out, but you can know them for less than 2 hours and stick your diseased dick up her cvnt uncovered and take videos and pictures of it. un fookin believable. wearing fooking sleeveless shit to show off their fat arms. yet if you touch their stomach, you get dumped. what idiots.

you get dumped if you dont compliment them the right way. if you compliment them the WRONG way, you get dumped.

yet they let tyrone and achmed spray in their cvnt unprotected.

stop TRYING to make sense of it. even though they dont KNOW its all about reproduction, its STILL all about reproduction, and they choose to have casual sex with the strongest strongman they can find in the short term. doesnt matter if hes the bad type of strong. it only matters that his strength is obvious and blatant and easy to see.

they arent designed to choose a good man for the long term. thats their FATHERS job.

maybe i am going off the deep end here. maybe women CAN make good decisions SOMETIMES. and maybe they CAN have courage and do the right thing SOMETIMES. like for example, ST ANN COULTER. She makes good decisions (except about who she fooks)

and believe me, i could put up with the worthlessness of women a lot better if i just had a nice 12 dollar an hour job and could hold my head up high with that knowledge. just need a JOB and some MJ, the WOMAN is secondary.

well, its also kind of our DUTY as white men to make more white children.

and i guess i could do that with white skanks, but i need to have enough money to take care of my white children. and basically i don’t want to be a white person using a NONWHITE REPRODUCTIVE STRATEGY. it does not BECOME white people to have HAREMS like goddam ARABS or BLACKS.  but we do need to be more dominant and stronger than arabs or blacks, so our women dont leave us for them. because we cant expect our women to have any race loyalty.

BUT if we can train our women…..couldnt we TRAIN them to the point where yes we CAN have some expectations of them? like train a woman to be racist. well, i believe you can train a woman to be racist, you can train a woman to be trustworthy, but you still cant train a woman to make good decisions or be super responsible.

so how do they have these high powered careers?

i mean there are women engineers and shit. you have to have at LEAST a 105 iq for that, even the women. i trust engineers to be smart and make smart decisions. so what about the female engineers? yeah they arent as smart as the male engineers, and yeah they are getting bonus affirmative action points, but i would say they STILL have to have at least 105 iq and be SORTA smart!!!!!

 

NOICE

really r/relships would be easily fixed by just getting MOAR MEN in there. its a god damn estrogen clusterfook which is really ANNOYING.

i just hate how they leave men in horrible ways. every damn woman should take a dumping 101 course. from her father hahahaha. view the end of the relationship as PART of the relship. learn to ACCEPT some RESPONSIBILITIES. show some GOODWILL when you break a poor guys heart. LET him be upset. tell im its NOT HIS FAULT. Respect that you are breaking someones heart. Tell him that no contact would be best. dont say lets be friends. he just wants to be WITH you. Respect the fact that you are PULLING THE RUG OUT on a person. Apologize. Feel BAD about what you’re doing. These are the responsibilities that go along with your RIGHT to end the rel whenever you want, single-handedly. it doesnt come for FREE.

ok. 44 minutes till they call me. sheeeeeit. i havent done anything interviewy for a MONTH. like 34 days.

yeah ive done a .5 “interview” 90 minute written test but no actual talking to people. i HATE talking to people. starting to get nervous.

i mean the worse that can happen is that i spill the spaghetti and sound like a retarded negro. then they just dont call me back. which is essentially the same result as all my other interviews. where i did NOT sounded like a retarded negro, but sounded pretty much like a damn NORMIE!!!!!! sheeeeeeit i COULD have soudned like a retarded autist and it wouldnt have made any difference!!!!!

but yeah i guess its GOOD to get nervous but i still dont like it because i AM being judged and i have to perform. and its a lot different than sitting there at a written test where you have 90mins to 2 hours to really sit there face to face with the test. the test is not judging you, and even the teacher doesnt REALLY judge you if you do bad. actually he wants you to do well, and will PROBABLY make some effort to help you if you put in some effort and ask him. not at all the same thing here. these people are putting you under the microscope looking for any reason to exclude you based on your verbal answers to questions. and the odds are stacked against you 10 to 1 going in. whereas when taking a skool exam, you have a PRETTY good chance of PASSING it!

with job interviews, you have an ALMOST CERTAIN chance of FAILING it!

BIG DIFFERENCE!

22 minutes. come on. 21. welp. i mean i can learn to use a mainframe. i can “learn” to do anything, meaning I can make a flailing, incompetent attempt at doing things, and then say yeah i did it. oh i did it wrong? i thought I was doing it right. whats the right way then? so sorry. I will stay an hour late today and give you a free hour of work to make up for my stupid mistake. so sorry master. and then go home and get drunk and beat my wife and kids hahahaha. that i dont have because women always dump me before i can beat them or impregnate them hahahaha.

BEATING THEM MAKES THEM STAY hahahaha.

18 minutes. sheeeeeit. sometimes when you get nervous you want to Beat Off just to relieve tension even though you are not really Horny Per Se, you’re afraid and anxious and nervous.

11 minutes. feel like an inferior failure hehehehe. real good attitude. looked briefly at linkedin and thought oh these fookin people. getting masters degrees and then getting careers that are in line with that. i just dont understand these NORMIES at all!

i guess this is the benefit of an in person interview, is that right now i would be there, in the suit, announcing my presence, focusing like a boss on the stuff. right now i am just freaking out and dressed like a slob at home. and typing in here 9 minutes before the phone call!

2 hours later

sheeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeit that actually went pretty WELL, THANK GOD.

full 60 minutes budgeted by HR lady for Phone Call. impressive. I rambled a bit but was OK. because they said ok you are now invited to an actual interview with the tech manager on tuesday w00t w00t. with a damn pay near 40k and strong 401k matching and 15 days off and health care and MF days sched, etc etc a great bigboy job to get here. almost too good to be true. well ive have interviews with places like that before hehehe. the big 22nd interview.

and then while i was talking to them, voice mail from another place for an autism ABA job. called them back, got The Big 23rd interview. for this friday. now that is just a part time thing but they emphasized an in depth ABA training pogam for the tism. i should tell them i am The Tism Tickler and deal with Autist Sperg Virgin Neets on the internet erryday hahahaahahahahaha

really the job will probably be me wiping “autistic” negro chirrens asses hahahahaha with great struggling. they just wont bend over nicely and let me wipe their asses, they are gonna be running around getting shit all over the place including my face hahahahaha.

well tech that will be the 22nd interview? anyway my real goal is 25 interviews and i am very close now. 452 apps, 23 interviews.

and a damn interview tomorrow for fire extinguisher inspector hahahaha.

well the big thing is this “systems specialist” job with the mainframes. that is the new #1. nice to get these GOOD ones once in a while, although it is more disappointing not to get them. but its somewhat good for the confidence to know that i am IN THE RUNNING for actual good jobs with actual good companies.  the HR wimmin was impressed that i did 2 minutes of research on the company.

DO THIS. THEY REALLY DO LIKE IT.

I mean, I do it all the time. they LIKE it but they still dont HIRE me hahaha.

and i had a YUGE dream with THAT WOMAN last night. as in she was in it a lot, i was talking to her a lot. we were basically living in a dorm together, with at least 6 people living in a kinda big dorm room or mini barracks. she was my roomate. i was trying to talk to her and hang out with her and she was just being very very bitchy and showing no interest. this is normally not a big deal if shes a random woman. BUT SHES NOT A RANDOM WOMAN. and it is so painful to see someone who once cared about you and made time for you, TURN into an ice cold distant bitch. so that was the gist of the dream. as it is with most dreams i have about her. well i guess it is technically BETTER than nostalgically remembering the Nice version of her. and all i am left with is the Bitchy version of her.

super long post here huh. i didnt plan it this way i promise.

also did 14 pushups. did not do any job apps but fookit. had a 60 minute phone interview (counted as .5 an interview lasting 100 minutes for 60 min interview plus 40 mins prep), got TWO invites for actual in person full blown interviews, and also did prep work for fire protection interview tomorrow and printed the shit out. i feel i was prductive enough hehehe.

also did laundry. and just did 3.2 mile powerwalk.

so yeah finally felt a shred of confidence, which i only get after i have an interview for a decent job and i feel i did ok. so i feel confident for like 1 hour a month hhahahahahaha. its kind like how you feel like a BOSS after you bang a hot bitch hahahahahahaha. no, i mean “attractive woman.”

or for that matter, after you cuddle with some Boo or Bae that you Like Like and they give you warm fuzzies.

but yeah i felt last night before i had that stupid dream, i read a pretty good thread on TRS forum on women, and im not gonna paste it here, because that is officially grounds for BANNING hehe. but they were like yeah women are FOOKED but you gotta still do your duty white man. dont worry about finding a red pilled wife, just find a simple semi-conservative normie nonslut, and you can train her. have a strong hand.

and then i thought, shit, i was not strong at all. and if i had been really strong and played my cards right……i bet i probably could have made her TINGLE for me and get interested in me. if i had just had a strong hand. she wouldnt have lost all respect for me, and we would have lived happily ever after. fooked that ass 6000000 times, spent 1488000000 hours cuddling, and had a ton of white babies.  if i had only been strong. women feel totally differently about a strong dominating man, than they do about a weak pussy man. and i was totally a weak pussy.

so that makes me think, really it WAS all my fault, because if I had acted differently, I could have Got The Girl. it wasnt that She Decided we wouldnt be Compatible. if i were a stronger man, she would have decided we were (((COMPATIBLE))). sheeeeeeit.

so i hate That kind of guilt.

well i wont make that mistake again in the future hopefully.

but i may never luv a woman again. and the trs thread basically said, get used to the idea that you as a truly strong red pilled man, are never going to really LOVE a woman ever again.

 

 

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.045 BATTING AVERAGE

sept 26

heh. ok took some nyquil. did a 3.6 mile powerwalk. now a chili diet is GREAT because you feel very full and its really not a lot of calories, so you could easily lose weight eating only chili. beef and beans.  but it hits your stomach like a brick and puts you in a coma and you feel like you always have to Poop even if youre not actually pooping. and then wake up in the middle of the night and poop hhahahaha.

ok. got to get one job app done today before i get in too much of a coma!

wewlad got contacted for The Big 20th Interview at 441 jobs. brings me to 1/22 average here. 1 interview for every 22 applications. in baseball terms that is a .045 batting average hahahahaha.

but yeah i have been in a SLUMP lately, a COLD STREAK, so this is kinda good. but now i worry i will be RUSTY and therefore not do so good on this interview.

well, just dont schedule 2 interviews for 1 day ever again hehehehe.

this is for a large ass company who sometimes has TV commercials. its a fortune….550 company hahahahaha.

1.5% revenue LOSS but a profit GAIN? how does that work?

anyway this job has to do with fire safety department, i guess extinguishers and sprinklers maybe? inspection and service.

and i have a damn written test TONIGHT for the 15 dah pt city job. 15 dah is great, but pt and no bennies sucks. it probably sucks so much that you should not have a damn 2 hour written test. HOW MANY PEOPLE are really applying for this? well there were about 30 people for the wirtten test for the other city job a few months ago!

awww sheeeeit i gotta bring my own PENCILS???? they had pencils last time. so they will print out 500 sheets of paper for the test but not pencils. ok. making 30 people come in at this one time. when they could have done the whole thing online. but then there would prob be more applicants. so its worth it for them to print 600 pages of paper……but NOT supply pencils hahahaha.

heh i wish high schools taught the skills you actually need in jobs. like “DECIPHERING priorities” being dumped on you by 10 different people. and communicating in tough situations and making decisions where you dont have information, and you dont know who has the information, and you dont know how to get the information, to fix a broken system where the customer knows more about the system than you, and are demanding an explanation for something you dont understand and have never seen.

this should all be in high school, NOT spending MONTHS reading SHAKESPEARE. come on. shakespeare? really? i am not dissing shakespeare but really its fooking USELESS. let stupid english majors in college read shakespeare. im not even denying that he was a smart white writer.

now annoyed because literally 10 flies are now in the house buzzing around when earlier in the day, there were NONE. i mean what the hell am i supposed to think? to go from 0 to 10 in just a few hours?

and when you have a TON of flies in the house like this, its like, what filth is rotting away in here?

in certain regions there are different kinds of flies. like in rural areas there are a ton of flies, but they do not seem to signify filth the same way these flies do. i would strongly wager they are diff species of flies.

i mean its distracting and annoying and i have killed at least 5 or 6 so far and theres several more. i had the door open for a few seconds but i didnt see any flies fly in, let alone 10.

so stupid and retarded.

well, her job is not some fancy high status masters degree senior level career job, its just really FUN and she LUVS it, and he is an Unemployed Bum.

ok. did muh 15 pushups today. did 2 job apps. making some headway on getting rid of these flies. did some cleaning around the house. got written job test in a few hours. not even gonna prepare. cant really.

so now you need to know your LOVE LANGUAGE because of this stupid fad book, and know your womans luv language, and manage a way so that you can communicate with her, and do all the heavy lifting there, or else youre the bad guy who pushes her away and deserves to be dumped because you didnt jump through all the hoops and do all the heavy lifting and all the hard work and all the effort.

i dont know what my luv language is. i am very cuddly and affectionate WHEN I like the person, but before then, i am cold and aloof and distant. it takes a long time and or somebody very special to get over The Wall.  and then when they do, i smother them with affection and attention and stalking and neediness hahahaha.

do i do gifts or actions? i havent really been with somebody long enough to do any thoughtful gift giving beyond basic bitch buying them dinner hahahaha then get dumped shortly after hahahaha.  but the few times i did buy gifts for women i had known for a while, i tried to make them really nice and good and that they would like them.

i mean you have to have an at least medium term rel before you start buying making meaningful GIFTS for them! so i did that a LITTLE for woman2012, did that a little for woman2015. maybe they dumped me because i didnt get them enough gifts and with enough meaning hahahaha. no jk.

heh. 1 job is INFINITELY more than 0 jobs.

2 jobs is only TWICE as much as 1 job ahahahahahahahahahahahah.

therefore,

https://www.google.com/search?q=Five+Geek+Social+Fallacies&rlz=1C1NHXL_enUS687US687&oq=Five+Geek+Social+Fallacies&aqs=chrome..69i57&sourceid=chrome&ie=UTF-8

sheeeeeeeeit.

yeah well “OSTRACISM” is wrong if you just freeze someone out with no communication. but yeah it is okay to tell someone “i dont want to hang out any more.” but i wouldnt call that “OSTRACISM.”

http://www.plausiblydeniable.com/opinion/gsf.html

setp 28

sheeeeeeeit man. so i went to the written test for the part time city job. 15 hourly. one time only. well, i found out they actually had a second session. there were 33 people here. wow. ranged from attractive 8/10 23 year old gurls, to 60 year old men and women. learned there were 3 positions filling. did not know that. that was good news. that gives me a better chance. but i did HORIBLE on the test!

because half of it was goddamn accounting questions: do a bank reconciliation problem. do a cash disbursements journal problem. which are increased and decreased by debits, which accounts are increased and decreased by credits. law of debits and credits.

this is ALL accounting 101 stuff, and I took accounting 101 and got a A+. over 6 years ago. then i never used this knowledge again. so i recognized these words but completely forgot what they meant, and certainly couldnt remember enough to get the questions right!

was very frustrated and angry, because i USED to know this stuff and years ago would have done very well! I could definitely relearn it fairly quickly. but right now I dont remember shit.

heh. i can give you oficial transcripts showing you i got 4.0 in accounting 1 AND accounting 2!  I USED to know all this stuff. i would have loved to get an entry level accounting clerk job, but you gotta have a CPA and 5 years of experience to do this hhahahaha.

https://www.google.com/search?q=how+to+do+cash+disbursement+journal&rlz=1C1NHXL_enUS687US687&oq=how+to+do+cash+dis&aqs=chrome.3.69i57j0l5.6872j0j7&sourceid=chrome&ie=UTF-8

https://www.google.com/search?q=how+to+do+bank+reconciliation&rlz=1C1NHXL_enUS687US687&oq=how+to+do+bank+re&aqs=chrome.0.0j69i57j0l4.5123j0j7&sourceid=chrome&ie=UTF-8

ok so learn how to do it then so i can bs about it in a future interview hehehehe

ooooh just got invited to a phone interview/screening for a….12 dah job i applied to OVER 3 MONTHS AGO. it is not even on Muh Spreadsheet. I thought I got rejection email. shit i DID get a rejection email on APRIL 12!!!!!!

so they probably hired someone, they didnt learn fast enough and were fired or panicquit, or they werent happy with 12 bucks an hour, or they died of a fentanyl laced heroin overdose hahahahahahahahahahaha or bludgeoned to death by their black boifran tyrone hahahaha. what a sense of humor. ladies, im single hahahahaha.

and so now they are going to their second string in the pool. WELP its better than putting out another posting and getting 1000 NEW people in the pool, like that trucking company does. i have stopped applying for the damn position. (maybe its a test, they are checking to see if you apply for it FIVE TIMES and THEN they call you. so since i stopped at 3 or 4, they wont call me.)

but this place is a well reputed credit union and they are super close to home if its the branch im thinking of. want to find out how much customer contact it is of course. also i dont think this place gets ROBBED too much.

SOMEBODY DISCONNECTED FROM ME ON LINKEDIN!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

i cant figure out who it is. maybe one of the people that requested me who i dont even know in real life, just because i am desperate for linkedin connections hehehehe.

had weird dream where i was watching “a david lynch film” which is similar to when i am watching a “lars von trier film” in a dream, usually means I am about to see some FOOKED UP SHIT like a full blown NIGHTMARE.

There was some shit with nazis and hitler having an orgy that also included gay sex.

there was a part where i was living in a house in a trashy area of town. the house was kinda falling apart but it was big and could be fixed up nice. i was waiting for a call from Woman2 because i was desperate to hang out with her, because she was super cute, young, and she showed a lot of interest in me. this is pretty much how i felt when I first met her. when she was super cute, super young, and was the first gurl who was THAT interested in me. I was so excited that I thought I might finally get muh first GF. really she just wanted to have chill fun and see where things went, and she quickly determined she did not want to Date Me. a few quick secsual sessions and making out and cuddling, yeah its fun, but uh oh looks like he’s getting feelings and wants to turn this into something. NOPE.

i guess that is her right to not want a rel, but I was still hurt hehehehe.

also she was a j00 and as of now, i would never want to be in a serious rel with a joo. casual sex maybe. but long term rel? HELL NO.

anyway in the dream i went upstairs to the second floor where i never went, and in a bedroom in the bed there was laying some random dead woman. it looked like a huge gaping hole was in her crotch area and all her insides had been removed. absolutely horrifying. soon after i found a bunch more dead women, similarly mutilated. there had to be like at least 10 dead women up there.

so yeah that was what made the dream really nightmarish. i forced myself to wake up and stay awake for a few minutes just so i wouldnt go back into that dream! and i dont think i did.

kinda weird to have a dream about woman2, but not TOO weird, and much better than dreaming about woman2015! that woman!

heheheh i hate that feel when you think oh i like this gurl because she doesnt wear a lot of makeup or dress like…well, not necess a “skank” or a “whore”, but a High Maintenance Princess who wants to look Classy Sexy to Powerful Men, with expensive dresses, high heels, jewelry, all that shit. a high class whore hahahahaha.

but thats only because she never invites you to those events where she dresses like that. she seems like a total girl next door to you, then one day you randomly see her Dressed Up like a woman who knows how to get what she wants, and you are shocked and a little disappointed, because you thought she had no idea of how to dress like that.

how often does she dress like that? in ways to wrap powerful men around her little finger? probably more than you will ever know. she knows exactly how to manipulate powerful men to get the high quality resources she wants. money, status, vacations, clothes, cars, careers, houses, power.

sheeeeeit. rejected for casual/contingent no benefits job with FEDGOV.

sheeeeeit. looking at the HR woman who invited me to phone interview and she is very well regarded, decent college, AND has a mba-LIKE degree that I really dont understand the difference between this an an MBA, but a lot successful people have this particular degree. she is not some stupid 22 year entry level HR ditz in other words, but a smarter, masters degree, 35 year old HR bossgrrl. be very afraid, hahahahaha.

i hate it when these women ask for SPACE and then BOOM, you cant ask for any CLARIFICATION or YOURE the bad guy. come on. show some good faith. i am HAPPY to give you space if you give me some DETAILS up front, namely, here’s when the space ends, and an assurance that we will communicate about it fully. you give me space for 2 weeks, then you can call me on october 15 (specific date) AND I promise I will write you a long email by ocotber 15.

but when they just say I NEED SPACE STARTING RIGHT NOW and then xpect you to DROP EVERYTHING for them, thats fooking stupid af. IM GONNA CUT OFF ALL COMMUNICATION WITH YOU FOR AN INDEFINITE TIME

omg i ACTUALLY REPLIED:

IMHO the best way to do “space” is with clearly defined terms and time period. I don’t like when “space” is used as an excuse to avoid communication and avoid working on a mutual problem indefinitely. I think it would be a sign of good faith for the person wanting the space to also offer some sort of communication or clarification about it, like “I need some time to think, but I will contact you on [specific date] to discuss this, or I will send you a letter/email by [specific date].”
Basically, IMHO, clear communication and a clear timeframe are very important, rather than using “space” as an excuse to avoid communicating about complex problems. Unfortunately I think the odds are against you here, so it may help to try to “detach” yourself, of course that’s MUCH easier said than done. Just be careful not to push her, and respect the space as best you can, although I definitely appreciate how frustrating it is when somebody refuses to communicate with you. And also don’t lose sight of the fact that just because you have PTSD, that that means you aren’t “worthy” of a relationship, OR that you have to have that issue 100% resolved before you are “worthy.” Dealing with psychological or emotional issues is a long-term thing, and I think the ideal partner would appreciate that you are making a good-faith effort to manage your condition, rather than expecting you to be 100% “fixed.” Good luck and please keep us updated!

END REPLY

Im sure I will get downvoted by the women always right, men always wrong cuckold manhating phaggots of reddit, then feel ashamed and delete muh post.

26f has been with n=24 guys/people. she says “low twenties” so I take her at her word and assumes that means 24, which is way too damn high for me hahahahahahaha.

big suprise it comes after a raep and this is how she fees free and control again, by racking up a large number in a short time.

no im not saying she deserved getting raeped, im just saying THIS IS A BAD WAY TO DEAL WITH IT!!!!!!!!!!!!!

of course all the catladies and sluts and cuckolds of reddit think a womans number doesnt matter, and any guy who thinks it does is immature, creeper, insecure, doesnt deserve a rel until he LEARNS.

“20 is not THAT high of a number” ???!?!?!?!? ARE YOU FOOKING KIDDING ME????!?!?!?!

like this one polyamorous nerd slut says, “SEX IS COMPLICATED!!!!!”

and i would totally agree with that. complicated as in the different emotions and beliefs and situations and attached meaning of the two people doing it. and i am TOTALLY entitled to my belief that its a special thing that should be TREATED as such, adn that casual secs is DEGENERATE and immoral and yucky.

but yeah. just like a woman to want space but then make NO EFFORT to communicate exactly what she MEANS by that, making YOU the bad guy when you try to figure out exactly what space means.

how about this, when you ask for space, PREPARE for the conversation like you would prepare for a test or job interview or presentation. prepare what you are going to say. write a god damn PLAN. write a damn ONE PAGE fact sheet of how long the space ends, the rules of the space, and what kind of good will YOU are gonna offer in return for this good will. dont just demand shit for free. A RELATIONSHIP IS A TWO WAY STREET.

no you dont HAVE to…..it would just be RESPECTFUL to your BF to treat him with respect and treat the rel as a two way street, not a one sided master slave thing.

these women give you these vague things and expect you to read their crazy minds. wtf. so retarded and stupid and like a retarded baby with a flamethrower hahahaha.

wewlad got muh 1 application done today. state unemployment agency job in EXTREMELY diverse area. 16 an hour, GREAT pay rate there, hard to FIND jobs that pay between 12 and 16 dollars!!!!! its always below or way above. cant find that happy medium sweet spot for entry level trash like me hahahaha.

it seems to be a BACK OFFICE job, if it were Front Office Customer Service, I would have gladly thrown it away hahaha. i mean this neighborhood is all arabs and turks and blacks and africans and asians, they are PROUD that 100 languages are spoken in the grade school. i do not want to be serving these smelly, chattering, entitled foreigners face to face. BUILD THE WALL. THEY HAVE TO GO BACK. theres probably a few mexicans and hondurans and squatemalens in there, although theres another area of town for them.

i am a DEPLORABLE racist xenophobe. THIS IS NOT NEWS! didnt you read the ABOUT page?

i do like this baby steps thing. just do ONE job app. just do 15 pushups. just walk 1 mile. just run ONE errand. but the goal is, you do several of these things. so today was successful there. I did 1 app, did 1 errand, did 15 pushups, and am about to go for 1 moderate powerwalk. honestly i use powerwalking as an EXCUSE NOT to do job search. because its so much funner.

also did some tech support around the home by figuring out how to setup wireless printer on several computers (and doing it, hehehehe.)

got at least 2 rejection emails, got 1 email asking for phone interview, got that set up for tuesday, got a real interview wednesday, not bad.

went for 2.2 mile powerwalk, it was threatening to rain. prob could and should have continued. oh well. not as disappointed as if i had not done any job apps hehehe. that is ESSENTIAL. at least do one. if you do more, great. but dont say “TODAY I HAVE TO DO 5. SHEEEEIT, I SHOULD BE DOING AT LEAST 32 IF I WANT TO BE A BARE MINIMUM BIGBOY WORKING MAN. DO LESS THAN 32, YOU DONT DESERVE A 1/10 MUDSHARK SEACOW.” that kind of Self Talk is rather discouraging hahahahaha.

WHEN YOU SEND MESSAGES THEY DIDNT CONSENT TO RECEIVING, ITS LITERALLY RAEP

sheeeeeeeeit

sept 20

meet with shrink today for first time in over a month, should be entertaining hahahaha.

reddit. if youre upset about being dumped, then youre automatically CONTROLLING and ABUSIVE and immature. werent you ever upset about being dumped? also i think that YES you ARE a little bit on the hook for your Ex Partners feelings at the end of the rel. its not a goddamn get out of jail free card. its not a waive all your responsibilities card.

BREAKUPS INVOLVE RESPONSIBILITIES TOO. thats what reddit and apparently 50% of women dont seem to understand hahahaha.

https://radio.therightstuff.biz/2016/09/20/the-daily-shoah-103-vice-shitty-stories/

wewlad, daily shoah gets a VICE reporter on the show, then within hours the TDS soundcloud is shut down (again!). apparently its a 20 year old gurl with valley gurl vocal fry hahahahaha oh man dis gon be gud.

also bulbasaur is back and this is legit a big deal, hope he stays back.

anyway i basically just hate the feeling of not being able to HANDLE anything. go to a job and not know what to do, bullshit your way through things, deal with bitches bitching at you all day, just surviving one day at a time on the edge. you just want to come home and smoke big fat b0wl until you are blazed as fook, and then immed go to bed. but you cant because you dont have a source for MJ and you cant do drugs in front of your family, plus you shouldnt be doing drugs anyway hahahahaha.

but i also think it really HELPS when you have a stressful job you are just trying to survive one day at a time. helps you Switch Off after a horrible day, and also to slow down and get some rest for another horrible day tomorrow.  more effective than just about anything else. lack of hangover. the next best thing obviously is exercising STRENUOUSLY till exhaustion. cant do that EVERY DAY though.

well, one day you could cardio strenuously, then the next day LIFT strenuously. there you go.

applied for job at ticketmaster. maybe eddie vedder can call me up and bitch at me hahahahahahahahaha.  that fooking phaggot. he couldnt HANDLE working a DAY at ticketmaster. the 424th job.

i guess 500 is a lot nicer, rounder number than 400 eh?

yeah i am digging this bell witch pretty well. maybe i just really like that cover art hahahaha.  anyway they have no guitar just bass and honestly i couldnt really tell cuz doom usually tunes their guitars so low that it almost doesnt matter hahaha.

this is a 28 year old woman. he’s my best friend and we are looking forward to an AWESOME FUTURE with NO KIDS and LOTS OF CATS.

of COURSHE, REDDIT sees nothing wrong with this whatsoever. totally valid lifestyle choice.

ABSOLUTELY DISGUSTING.

because KIDS are SO UNCOOL and CATS are AWESOME. RAWR!!!! KIDS are LAME and prevent you from achieving success in your CAREER, making a difference with nonwhite children in africa and arabia, and from TRAVELING.  this is normal stuff for a 28 year old childless woman to be thinking. because they are not going to have fertility problems in the next 5 to 10 years or anything.

sheeeeeeit rejected by ticketmaster SAME DAY as applying. THANK YOU!!!!!!!

and this is with my New Cover Letter Now With Brief Getting Out In Front Of the Issue Explanation of Gap!

i was thinking, every man should have a female friend or acquaintance that he gets to Cuddle With on the Regular. like once every 2 weeks at least. it would not be a Dating or Secsual or Monogamous Rel of course. well, of course the guy would probably fall in luv with the gurls. so the gurl should have the training to manager that inevitability, because i believe if it were managed well, the pros could outweigh the cons.

but then its a slippery slope to degeneracy like fook buddies and all that degen.

but cuddling isnt degen at all!

yeah but you shouldnt do it with just anybody and be a damn no strings attached cuddle slut…..should you?

because if you cuddle with a cuddle buddy, aren’t you increasingly likely to get feelings for them? yes. same as if you fook them.

but casual cuddling is WAYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYY less DEGEN than casual fooking. better for your soul.

had pretty uneventful meeting with shrink. just vocalizing my somewhat growing discouragement with job search, etc. things i might try doing differently, like focusing more on “low hanging fruit” like part time jobs and the god damn temp agency, etc.

listened to first hour of new daily shoah where they gangraep cutesy female journalist. i mean she sounds like a college idiot even though shes gotta be like 28 or 30 years old with a Professional Career since at least 2007 with atlantic, vice, maybe msnbc. i bet she went to a good college, maybe even ivy. theres no reason for her to talk like this unless she is coming in bad faith. they talk about the issue of bad faith. it takes 20 minutes before the good talk gets going. she starts with coy bad faith questions about pepe and the guys are very tight lipped because they see right through the shit.

really i think they should do this more often, and have it be just mike enoch vs the journalist, so it doesnt seem like they are ganging up on the poor widdle gurl.

ok heres the one they did a few weeks ago with the gawker journalist, i will listen to that one next

i have NEVER been good at debating my enemies, sheeeeeeit i cant even debate my leftist FRIENDS. when they start saying something leftist, i just keep my mouth shut. if i were as strong and sharp and quick on my feet as mike enoch, damn that guy is good. i might actually have a chance at challenging my friends preconceived notions.

well, im sure you go easier on your friends. just chip away slowly and make little chinks in the armor, then sit back and let them question themselves. that is what i would like to do. but if you get a damn enemy like a vice journalist, of course you want to DEMOLISH them.

and i want to see more of these kind of debates.

well i dont really want to listen to the MW / Sargon debate. Although I think MW has gotten more ballsy since then. No, I want to hear Tuff Guy Mike Enoch DESTROY LEFTISTS.

sept 21

sheeeeeeit. so i ran into this guy i used to work with at this auto related store today. he told me a bunch of people went to work at this one company that did not surprise me, i knew a few went there, turns out it was more than a few. he said they paid 18 an hour. he interviewed for them but did not get the job. i said sheeeeit thats some bullshit, fook them, whatever man, forget about it.

he let slip that That Person was working at this Company which I wont name but now I know the name of it and I wont apply there hahahaha. i think he said she interviewed at the same company he did and also did not get the job, and some people he felt shouldnt get that job, got it. i THINK he said she interviewed but did not get it. if so, i was happy about that, because he is smarter than her, and if he didnt get the job, she shouldnt get the job. also she doesnt come across as very strong or sharp or smart. but i guess she got something. not 18 an hour though. prob not.

he has no idea my history with her and i didnt ask about her, he mentioned her just as he was rattling off people we used to work with.

he mentioned some of my favorite people from the job, and they were being “bums” not working. me too i said, hahahaha. i actually talked to this guy pretty well, like a total normie. well we got along fairly well, i think i liked him more than he liked me tho hahahaha.  well whatever. he’s got kids to raise and he is a busy guy so i just chalk it up to that. plus he is nonwhite so, whatever. he is not a bad guy though! he deserves a 18 dollar an hour job too!

also i dont think he fooked That Woman. well who knows. maybe she fooked everybody. he did not seem too interested in her tho. also she was not a huge slut when i knew her. i have this fantasy narrative where she became a huge slut the moment she dumped me hahahaha.

well now i know the name of her company so i know not to apply there. and i am not tempted to look her name up to find any info about her. not that i have. i have NOT. but now i might look up the company and see how much her position pays hahahaha. something having to do with documents and forms.

was driving home late last night and had awful feeling, why is the car pulling this much, whats that sound, whys this feel so weird, oh shit, do i have a flat tire, and turns out yes yes i definitely do. instant panic hahahaha.

ive actually never successfully changed a flat tire as shameful as that is.

well i carefully drove to a gas station about half a mile away and tried putting some air in the tire. didnt seem to help at all. not sure i was putting the air in right though.

called fam to let them know what was going on. i was scared and helpless and weak hehehehe so shameful and pathetic. plus they might have insurance that has roadside service.

anyway the fam came out but they didnt really NEED to, because i managed to figure out the complicated procedure of jacking the car up, removing the bad tire, and putting on the spare tire. then putting some air in the spare tire, and driving carefully home.

so that was actually kind of empowering and confidence building. i was always worried i would put the tire on wrong, or jack the car up wrong, put the jack in the wrong place, not put the tire on right, the tire would come fully off while i was driving, etc. but no, everythign went very well. and now i just feel bad about making the fam come out there and get worried. was like 8 miles from home. didnt want them to think i was in jail for drunk driving or smething. i have not drank in 7 years!!!!!

i had always said one day i would practice jacking up car and replacing the tire, just so i could do it quickly and confidently when needed. but i never got around to it hahahaha.

but i managed to pretty much do it yesterday. it was kinda slow but i eventually made progress. next time i could do it a lot faster.

it was like oh shit am i doing this right, am i screwing up the car, i dont know what this is supposed to be like, and then ultimately everything worked out. kinda like my job hahahaha.

but its one thing when you are responsible for yourself, vs taking the responsibility for someone ELSE and THEIR problem. like me trying to tell another person how to change their tyre, when I had never done it myself.

so yeah if i had to do it again, i would be a lot less nervous. well assuming i had the correct tools and a properly inflated spare tyre hehehe.

but yeah it was not quick. it was closer to 60 minutes than 30 minutes. if you know what youre doing you could prob do it in under 20.

had dream last night featuring woman#….3? i cant even. no i think it was woman4. from 2005. she was a prudish innocent asexual type gurl, i liked her Secsual Innocence and total lack of sluttishness. but yeah she was not interested in me and i came on too strong hahaha. but she was a decent choice i think, would have made a good gf if she were willing. which she werent hahaha. i would have totally monog trad dated her for 2 years. shared firsts with her hahahaha.

anyway in the dream she was being nice to me and cuddling with me, possibly some making out. and that felt really good. smiling and gazing at me and cuddling and making out and touching, nothing too degen though. so that was pleasant.

so it was nice to feel those feels for someone who was not That Woman.

Sheeeeeit, i’ll take a Previous Woman from 11 years go, over That Woman, ANYDAY!!!!!!

anyway the guy i talked to told me His Price. His Going Rate. he wont take a job for less than this amount. it is a pretty respectable number, a little high, but it’s good to think highly of yourself hahahahaha. and he is worth it. hell were ALL WORTH it, its just, can you GET it.

the number was higher than 15 an hour hehehe. and certainly higher than 12-13 an hour like i am aiming for now.

i dont know why that big company didnt hire him. he is a pretty normie guy and pretty smart and why the hell wouldnt they want a smart nonwhite.  maybe the guy seems laid back or stoned or something? but he doesnt smoke MJ, at least not regularly! he’s just kinda laid back. which is GOOD! i dont get it. do you have to be electrifying?

i mean yeah i try to present as more energetic and electrifying, but just come across as nervous and anxious and virginy hahahaha.

great fun listening to death panel destroy the widdle gurl journalist. i mean she sounds like such a retarded idiot. you cant even have a productive conversation with these people hahaha. i look forward to listening to the male gawker journo they had on a month ago. maybe he can actually not sound like a 13 year old moron gurl.  its amazing this woman can make good money and i struggle to get a 12 an hour job!

yeah ghoul is autistic and these conversations should really be mike enoch and the person alone, cuz once mike pins them down, he can deal the finishing blow, but with all the other 5 guys sperging out, it allows the journo to squirm away and dodge questions like a sneaky little J.

it was funny to hear seventh son snap and get angry, he is usually very chill. but hes like shut the fook up you god damn liar.

so yeah i hope this becomes a regular thing and that mike e can structure it a little better. take the good suggestions of the commenters. i havent even looked at the forum yet but supposedly there is pretty good proof that it was This Woman Reporter who got TRS soundcloud shut down.

well she makes money because of her jooish boifran. well hes just a damn journalist too!

but he comes from a family of jooish doctors. monay.

hehehe the people at trs do their due diligence.

also she used to be married to a white guy who was a military guy AND a leftist who fabricated stories of military being abusive to iraqis for the new republic in 2007. he recanted his story and she gained a reputation as being very lazy on fact checking. theory that she is only still working because she dumped the white guy and started fooking a pure joo journalist.

not sure where she went to skool. georgetown?

nope university of missouri columbia, journalism, 2005.

ok, that is the same thing as MU aka mizzou.

she possibly met her lying leftist x husbando there. not sure. dont really care.

but yeah the grilling on TDS could have gone a lot better by having a more intimate convo with k1ke enoch, maybe he could play nice for the first 20 minutes, lure her in, then trap them like a rat.

but of course i understand that you should show this vermin no respect.

i guess i just cant help white knighting for white gurls. i sadly would probably bang her 6/10 fetal alcohol syndrome, 34 year old, hipster problem glasses wearing, body, vocal fry, leftist, lying.

im just curious to see what happens after this. like what kind of article is she gonna write. i mean she was made to look like an IDIOT. that cant be good for her story.

i wanted funeral doom, why dont i just go with a trusted name here, and not just listen to the first song only, hahahahaha. i hear the third song is also pretty good.

interesting seeing that guy from the job. he was on my good list so i didnt mind talking to him. realize i hadnt seen him in over a year. 14+ months. WOW.

cant help but think of That Woman and how i am a just a small insignificant part of her Distant Past, and she should be the same to me, but she’s not!

but she’s moved on, new job, 14 months, def new cox, maybe some new lovers that she can fall in luv with, new friends she can be interested in, new life, new everything.

tho i am sorta glad she wasnt BRIGHT enough to get that 18 an hour job all the other people got. because she really is not a very sharp thinker in the technical field. she just is more emotionally mature and disciplined than me hahahaha. she is more mature than me hahahaha yet she cant send 1 text to end a 3 year rel. i am less mature than that apparently hahahahahaha.

but yeah i couldnt help but think of her when i saw this guy. bringing back memories of the awful job from so long ago. yet i cant get over HER. i cant really get over that job either hahaha. this man i talked to didnt hate it nearly as much as i did. he was very chill and laid back and could roll with the punches very well. i wish i could do that.

yeah i totally understand why she could throw a person away. it just hurts a LOTTTTTT and I guess I dont understand why she couldnt send a messanger to just say sorry for the way this all went down, have a good life. that would have helped a lot. couldn’t you care enough to do that?

maybe by the time she thought of doing that, some time had already passed, and she figured it would be like ripping open an old wound again. which makes sense.  i can understand that.

but she BLOCKED ME, which says DONT CONTACT ME. I DONT WANT TO HEAR FROM YOU. I WONT LISTEN TO YOU. WHEN YOU CONTACT ME, THAT’S AGAINST MY CONSENT, AND MAKES YOU THE BAD GUY.

so sending messages that will get blocked makes you the bad guy, becuase they didnt CONSENT to receiving those messages. its LITERALLY RAPE hahahahahaha.

heh. the amount of dollars per hour you make is like your LEVEL.

are you a loser making 11 dollars an hour?

or are you a huge winner making 18 dollars an hour?

its “ONLY” 7 dollars. but that 7 dollars makes ALL THE DIFFERENCE in the world between a loser and a winner. thats 14k a year between big loser and big winner. hmmm.

22k a year vs 36k a year.

i think savage.wav comes from the michael savage show and not necssarily devil may cry. just a thought.

referrinf to the sweet audio drop on the fatherland haha

im honestly not this ADD. this is just mental multitasking, i have to have two trains of unrelated thought going at all times. i blame the job really. with all the damn CASES that we did.

plus im jealous of how SHE used to work on 3 or 4 or 5 cases AT THE SAME TIME. she was a better multitasker than me.

but was she ultimately more effective? or efficient? i dont think so.

btw if i havent made this clear, multitasking is ABSOLUTE BULLSHIT and anyone who says its a good thing, you should punch them repeatedly in the face.

multitasking is a jooish lie, scam, myth, farce, lies, bullshit.

https://www.linkedin.com/pulse/why-non-business-students-shouldnt-take-business-dimitri-bianco-frm

real controversial title here!  and i did not watch the video so…..i guess its some young MSc who got a sweet 100k job for what he went to graduate skool for, and he is complaining about Grad students taking Business classes because they want to work “in industry” as opposed to……didnt watch the video. in industry as opposed to academia, government, nonprofits, public sector i guess?  and they think taking a marketing class will somehow make them more hirable? but it really doesnt? and they should just get into a better grad program instead? but why are you in grad skool if its not a good one? because people will just go to grad skool. not even joking. but how could just about any MSc degree be “worthless?”

because some degrees that seem worthwhile are worthless. like a phoenix MBA hahahahaha. but thats a business degree.

well, like maybe if you get a “general” library or education masters degree. or social work. i guess biology is shitty too.

heh. this is why i avoid graduate skool. why i avoided it for 10 years. i would rather try to survive in the real world. and i havent figured out how to do that yet! apparently by being able to be calm and make decisions and bullshitting in Tough Situations!

heres the TDS with the vice gurl, it hadnt been uploaded to youtube yet yesterday hehe

i mean it was kinda a trainwreck and could have been a lot better, but it was still very entertaining and illustrative. and cant stop listening. but it still could have been better. like yeah actually talk about the JQ for an hour. but she’s not gonna come back, she’s prob the one who reported TDS to soundcloud. she wont come back to have a more productive discussion.

basically there was a lot of wasting time of people interrupting, her being an idiot, some of the guys being autistic. something more focused with just mike and the reporter, talking in depth about one issue, like the JQ or White Privilege or Housing or Immigration or Punching Down or Systemic Racism. pick one and only one. yeah i know its hard when theres all these good interrelated topics. but you cant give them any place to run to, any chance to change the subject.

anyway yeah it started getting good near the end of the interview. it took 2 hours to start really getting good.

 

GIVING A BULLSH1T NONANSWER IS NOT A RESOLUTION

aug 15

sheeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeit.

hey i appreciate everyone that follows and reads this blog hahahaha. even if you are all just scammers trying to turn your self improvement blog into your JOB. hey i guess im doing the same thing, in a veyr low energy, low effort way.

had interview today for 20 hour a week, 11 dollar job. i will take the job if they offer. they seemed nice. wore blue suit. tried to seem normie. apparently help is available if you get stuck.

intvited to interview for 42k ft job next monday. county IT department. horry sheet. i hate these because i am not worth 42k. i am worth more like 28k or 30k. why can’t they interview me for those jobs. WHY DONT THOSE JOBS EXIST OR GET POSTED?

yo either make 9 bucks an hour, or you make 40k a year. NO inbetween hahahaha.  that is so stupid.

http://www.online-stopwatch.com/cash-clock/

did i link this yet. my new favorite form of countdown clock / stopwatch.

this could seriously provide a LITTLE extra motivation. and that shit is VALUABLE. VALUE-ADDED hahahaha.

i just think its fooking DISGUSTING that you HAVE to bang a broad QUICKLY in order for you to ever have a CHANCE with her. I dont WANT to be with the type of SKANK who BANGS QUICKLY.

just the WAY women “date” is DISGUSTING. So naturally the idea of Dating does not sound fun to me, but rather DISGUSTING. just a bunch of dirty sluts fooking like a bunch of muh dik ingras. god damn. and if you dont fook them like sluts on the first date then you have no chance of having a real rel. and they cant see how stupid and wrong and disgusting it is to fook on the first date (or the 5th date, hahaha.)

just got 2 rejections from same company, including application i sent just an hour ago. damn.

MAYBE they are one of those asshole companies that wont even call you for an inteview if you are not current Employed. i wouldnt be surprised. fook shitcvnt shitphags.

heh. the one rejection I got right now was for “payment processor” for a requisition 2 months ago. i just applied for the same position title TODAY, but different requisition.

i bet that IS what it is. they just outright reject ANYONE who isnt currently Gainfully Employed. Are You Employed Sir. Get A God Damn Job, Al.

its just so weird though. some damn medical healthcare business services company rejects me outright for a damn 14 dah job, but a damn university will call me to interview for a 45k job. wtf. it just doesnt make any sense. i would need a TEAM of phds and attorneys to explain this to me. I couldnt pay enough money to get this adequately explained for me.

i mean they are both “good” companies but they have completely different policies here.

i just apply to this medical payment place regularly because they are close to home, they are big well known corp, and they are regularly hiring for entry level jobs.

in some ways I could be considered “overqualified” (degree from good school, no spelling mistakes in cover letter hahaha, have a linkedin page, why am I applying for a 13 dah job.) but in other ways I am “underqualified” (do not have 3 years working experience in medical payments processing. current unemployed.)

fook the bullshit!

hey i was willing to take her out on an official date. more than willing hahaha.

i should have been better about Reading Her Signals though. she clearly didnt want that, and rather than say no, she avoided it, cuz its harder for her to say no. ok fine i get that.

i dunno the only thing this teaches me is the value of communication. the importance. and i never fail to mention that in every job interview. good communication is absolutely essential. it is the most important thing. before you have good customer service, you must have good communication.

yeah i forgive her, i dont blame her, i sometimes blame myself for being so stupid and weak and foolish. but not as much as i used to hehehe.

its just fookin stupid as fook. everything about it was stupid. just fookin write me an email PLEASE. god damn. LISTEN to what I am SAYING. dont throw this all away in the most disgraceful way possible. show a little damn respect. dignify the relship with dignity hahaha.

interview today was ok. the woman was nice, but she was also more On Point than any interviewer ever, and went through everything. she was very well prepared hahaha. I appreciated that. and the receptionist was very nice to me, saying dont be nervous, the people youll be talking to are very nice. I smiled and said thank you.

hehehe when you are on your 14(88)th interview and its a 20 hour a week job, you just dont get nervous hehehe.

well at least when i have another nice female friend, 7/10, 25 years old, n<4, and we get along GREAT, I know how to handle it better when I fall in luv with her hahaha.

im trying to make the point that I have never made a female friend who was So Dateable. My other female friends, i never had any actual interest in them like that, in fact maybe I found them a little “too slutty” hahahaha. but I did not really judge them on that believe it or not. I was able to appreciate them apart from them being sluts. but I wouldnt want to date sluts like that!

yeah it sounds mean. they were nice people. dating them would have been crazy and bad tho, is all Im saying. in a way that it absolutely wouldntve with That Woman. Who was nice, not crazy, and not slutty.

365 jobs is what muh number is up to now.

i just hate majorly screwing things up. majorly majorly majorly screwing things up. you feel bad, feel a lot of GUILT and SHAME.

5 mile powerwalk.

applied to hospital job using the worst peoplesoft application ever. saw i was “not selected” for a job i applied to 3 days ago. but never got an email notifying me. THANKS. that was for an office assistant job. the one I just applied to now is “administrative assistant 1”. i am sure i will be “not selected” for that too.

it just sucks to go to college and be a 35 year old nevergf neet and you can’t even get an INTERVIEW for an OFFICE ASSISTANT job where you just need a HS education. that triggers and rustles me WAY more than going to an interview and not getting the job. at least then I get SOME confidence, get some experience, get to add to muh pile of interviews. and it tells me i am a finalist, i am one of the 10 best applicants. for a god damn 13 dah office asssistant job. not even an ADMINISTRATIVE assistant hahahaha.

very likely THEY dont like unemployed people too. god DAMN.

so the lesson learned is to REAPPLY to all these places once i get some kind of job, like this 20 hour a week job i interviewed today. way to get ahead of myself. they are interviewing 5 or 6 other people here. so i have like a 16% chance of getting the job hahaha.

i like that cash clock. it makes me feel like im actually making money and doing something productive when i apply for these jobs. like im getting PAID to do job applications. im not of course, but it feels like it just a little bit. like i am making money doing work, rather than just trying to get as low a time as possible! im still doing that too, but now im also MAKING MONEY for it! im not of course but even if i can make it feel like that a LITTLE bit. its a motivator.

as i was doing the powerwalk today i saw a qt young woman. in my neighborhood. i walked RIGHT BY HER. i was caught VERY off guard. I saw her way up ahead earlier on and did a double take, who is that nonfat youngish woman? and then i turned the corner about 15 minutes later and there she was! i hate passing people, but her i sort of looked at her and smiled and said hello, which the friendly normies do. most young attractive women HATE when balding betas do this, its literally rape. but she actually seemed to smile back at me! and i was like whoooooooaaaaaa should i go running back after her and ask her out to dinner? i did not expect that at all. I do not expect niceness or pleasantness from qt young women! And I totally get why! They dont like omega males, never have, never will. I more expect women to be cold and bitchy to me, i get SURPRISED and CAUGHT OFF GUARD when they smile and are nice. I can’t say I dislike it though! It was part of how me and that woman got along so well. she was FRIENDLY to me. she SMILED at me. when I very unused to women SMILING at me. it’s NICE, i LIKE it, but i am totally unaccustomed to it.

i was not wearing glasses so i couldnt tell anything about the woman other than she was not old and she was not hideous and she had a friendly look on her face. when i first saw her i couldnt tell if she was 13 or 23 or 33. if she was 13, thats bad. but i think she was actually an appropriate age. maybe she was an Eastern European Immigrant. if so, EVEN BETTER. real tradwife material!

it was the first time i ever saw her. if i ever see her again, I should ask her out to dinner. or lunch. or coffee. or ice cream. i mean im supposed to take her out for drinks and fook her on the first date if i want any chance at marrying her hahahaha.

anyway it reminded me how qt women being nice to you can make you forget about Other Past Women pretty effectively.

women have the attention of secsy guys all the time, makes it easier for the women to forget about men.

but omega males, we are so used to women being neutral (or negative) to us, that its a little WEIRD to have a woman be POSITIVE to us. but its the type of weird id like to get used to!

never say never again, 1983. sean connery came BACK to playing bond after like a 10 year hiatus. was there a hiatus? or did roger moore not enter until after 1983? i dont know, dont really care, i just thought connery was done with bond well before 83. also, kim basinger was VERY attractive in 1983. i mean shit i would prob still bang her 33 years later…..but she was a total 9/10 in 1983 hahahahahaha.

AM I THE ONLY PERSON ON THE WHOLE INTERNET WHO REALIZES THAT INDEED ALERTS SUCKS!!????!?!?!?!?!?!!

there are NO comments from other butthurt people like me. who can’t FIND the alerts they thought they had, tha

https://subscriptions.indeed.com/

AYOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

TOP SECRET INDEED PAGE INDEED DOES NOT WANT YOU TO KNOW ABOUT, RIGHT THERE!!!!!!

thats ALL I want. A list of ALL my active alerts on ONE page.

of course, there’s no link to EDIT the alerts from this page. that would make WAY too much sense.

searching my gmail TRASH folder for indeed alert EMAILS that contain a CANCEL link at the bottom.

http://www.indeed.com/my/alerts?from=nav

by my GOD, THIS page is the worst abomination EVER. a fooking ABORTION. it doesnt work, it hasn’t worked for MONTHS, and indeed does not care. this kind of OBVIOUS CORNER CUTTING and SHITTY QUALITY triggers me to no end. just because anyone above level 1 can just HIDE BEHIND level 1 indians saying we are so sorry for the inconvenience, but right now there are no plans to implement this feature. HOPE THIS HELPS! and thanks for choosing indeed. and they mark that as a RESOLVED CASE. NO. ITS NOT RESOLVED AT ALL. GIVING A BULLSHIT NONANSWER IS NOT A RESOLUTION. GOD DAMN.

and i hated being in the position where I was the level 1 schmuck who had to give the bullshit nonanswer!!!!!

She didnt care. She just gave the bullshit. she was so stupid she didnt even KNOW it was bullshit. shes just like whatever its a job, lemme just listen to music while i give bullshit nonanswers, cant wait to get out and smoke MJ, set up some chill hangouts with hot bois from tinder and okcupid, its so fun being single and dating for the first time in my life, and im glad to be done with that asshole jerk bitchboi who i thought was my friend but he just wanted to fook me! all men are jerks and liars who only want one thing! well two can play that game! besides he was a 35 year old virgin weirdo, i was WAY out of his league! gross!

and this is why you dont work at a terrible bullshit job with the woman you are in luv with hahaha.

so just go to dinner with the nice qt gurl from the neighborhood, or the qt dark haired woman at the weekly game. i dont see any of these women regularly or consistently, tho. NO EXCUSE!

basically, when i had my easy job from 2008 to 2013, i did not do NEARLY enough job searching. i did pretty good with schooling, in the sense i took a lot of classes that didnt do much. shit i KNOW i had a COUPLE interviews here and there kinda randomly, but i certainly didnt get the jobs. then i got the bigboy job in late 13 because they would hire ANYONE, LITERALLY. they hired a ton and fired a ton.

point is, right NOW, my jobseraching skills are the BEST theyve ever been. in terms of muh system. muh spreadsheet. muh indeed alerts. a few careerbuilder alerts. muh PACKET. muh folders of bookmarks. organization information. email alerts. i didnt have ANY of that before. until NOW really. 2016. current year. yeah thats shameful. but i would often miss out on jobs because i didnt KNOW about them, and i would think ehhhh shit i dont want to dig up addresses and phone number of every employer for goddamn PROFILES you have to fill out. i was way too LAZY about jobseraching when i had that job at that time. then i got the new job and had no time to do anything. just study the shit and try not to panic.

aug 16

heh. i want a BOOK or a 20 hour documentary on what Long Term Unemployed or Long Term Kissless Virgin Nevergf does to men. Neetness. there is the occasional article saying it can lead to despair. NO SHIT. i am looking for something that explores all this in depth. i guess that this is my niche, my calling, the doumentary i must make myself.

i thought about hanging out with that qt random woman and her being nice to me and smiling at me and cuddling with me and i thought HOLY SHIT what a BIG DEAL that would be, that would totally TRANSFORM me, i am totally MISSING OUT on something BIG.

and this is all from getting one small polite smile from a woman where I really couldnt tell how attractive she was.

well she seemed moderately attractive, maybe even the ever Problematic 7/10, otherwise i wouldnt have reacted so positively!

then they say, youre overreacting, its not gonna TRANSFORM YOU, if you got what you wanted, you’d soon find you were unhappy again, because you REALLY need to change something within yourself.

ok FINE. then i challenge you to PROVE me wrong by giving me that chance. give me a nice qt gf for a year and we’ll see if it TRANSFORMS me or not, hahahahahaha. if it doesnt, i will accept defeat humbly.

just GIVE ME A CHANCE.

although admittedly “chance” for me means more than “one strike and youre out.” give me at least 3 strikes hahahaha.

heh. we were both saying PLEASE STAHP to each other. she was saying please stahp pushing me to hang out and please stahp having weird feelings for me, I was saying please stahp avoiding me and ignoring me and not hanging out with me ever.

recipe for disaster.

stupid fookin jobs. so fookin retardedly stupid. i wish i didnt have to deal with this and i could have just lived with HER happily ever after.

but at least now i am applying for jobs and jobsearching with a pretty solid good system, and also sometimes noticing other women and feeling excited when they smile at me hahaha.

starting to think more seriously about focusing intentionally on part time jobs, and using that as a stepping stone to a full time job, because SOME COMPANIES automatically reject you if you are Currently Unemployed. ESPECIALLY if longer than 3 months. which it certainly has been!

in the sense that a little while ago, i was avoiding applying for part time jobs, and saying NO i NEED a full time job……when relally part time jobs are EASIER and they can HELP you in ultimately getting a FT job. so you dont get painted with the brush of “long term unemployed loser.”

this was kind of funny, its sad that kyle and sinead are so god damn confrontational , well especially sinead hahaha. not just confrontational but she insults and disparages good people with good messages. it doesnt have to be this way! you dont have to be such a drama causing bitch!

and kyle really is a handsome man. and sinead has some good, but the bad outweighs the good. i hope sinead is not leading kyle around by the balls, or making him do an open rel, and why for the love of Wodinn dont you just SAY that kyle is your husbando and that he is the father of your child…….UNLESS HE ISNT??????? in other words, sinead is super untrustworthy. but i think kyle can be redeemed, but he has to break free of sineads spell first.

so sad and frustrating to see healthy looking young white people be pro-white…..but mix it up with such stupid shit. they can do SO much better. they even have a sense of HUMOR!!!!

and its SAD that sinead is irreparably damaged. im not even sure how you could fix her. well find her a white man whos not afraid to put her in her place, get many more babies out of her, and keep her away from the internet!!!!! kyle does not look like he’s gonna be that strong man. besides, why would any man  DESERVE such a High Maintenance Handful? A strong man should be able to do BETTER than her, in other words.

but maybe an ex mudshark slut who is totally crazy is good enough for ME, an ex degen whos not a big winner. but i would STILL have to develop a VERY strong hand to keep her in her place!!!! and i dont have that yet! also i am nowhere near as handsome as kyle!

ok its a bit easier to do 28 minute job applications when you are listening to music at the same time. have to do that more reg.

applied for City job, US Attorneys Office FEDGOV USAJOBS job, and uhh hospital job where i have 40 other applications and never an interview. discriminating against the longterm unemployed hahahaha.

sheeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeit. busy day. was getting ready to go to shrink and got call from Electronics Company that I had applied to 900000000000000000 times but never heard a god damn thing. and now i hear from them. why now? why open this job to 500 new applicants every month? how am I in the Elite Pool? was it because I updated the profile to have Muh Packet? they use a Bad Taleo (there is a Good Taleo believe it or not) where its impossible to tell whats really attached to your application.

recruiter gurl talks to me, catches me way off guard, said….holy shit she has 5700 followers on linkedin and has a very powerful linkedin premium account. it is like i am being contacted by the fookin bill gates of Talent Acquisition and Recruiting.

when i am contacted off guard by someone, i always fear that i sound like a rude or distracted asshole or autist. i did the best i could, tried to be as nice as i could, and was able to sched an interview for friday (today is tues.) they wanted me to come in tomorrow. i hate coming in TOMORROW.  (but not as much as much as coming in TODAY hahahaha.) well they were able to acommodate me on friday actually. good. interview with a panel of 3 men. probably will want to test my knowledge of the company. GREAT.

then as i get out of shrink, get a call on my baterry dying phone from the HOSPITAL that NEVER calls me (except to schedule an interview for TODAY or not at all, hahaha.) they say you put 26000 on salary requirements. I said yes but that is very flexible, what is the range for this position (positngs here NEVER say), they say it starts at 11 bucks an hour, i say thats fine hahaha, see you on……cant do friday errrrr how about monday.

so now i interview with hospital monday morning for dumb 11 dollar part time job…….and then BIGGGGGG interview monday AFTERNOON with county for SWEET 42k job!!!

heh. never had 2 interviews in ONE DAY before, i guess this is a turning point eh?

rejection email from county for 26k job DAMN why cant they just INTERVIEW me for these jobs!!!!! applied 6/15, get rejection on 8/16. ok good.

all these olympic athletes have TRAINERS and COACHES. you dont say go out there and figure out how to win a gold medal. you PRACTICE for YEARS with a COACH who TEACHES you BEST PRACTICES.

bitches.

 

 

BEING A GOOD PERSON DOESNT MEAN SH1T IN THE MATING MARKET

but it really SHOUDL hahahaha. also also in the job market for that matter. I mean it DOES really matter to me, and for the state of your soul. and it matters with your friends and family.  it just doesnt matter with women or jobs. and those are two VERY important markets in life.

aug 11

hisssss leave me alone lads hahahaha

heres the question, when going to a DOCTOR, should I trust a White WOMAN over a nonwhite MAN?

because i am now seeing this White Woman DO, GP, Fam Practice Doc for citalopram refills every 6 months. she is not bad, she is def white, but also def a WOMAN.

weird dreams last night, unfort heavy involvement of the woman. in it she was shrinking into a defenseless baby, but also refused to communicate.

but she also refused to run away. so she stayed around for whatever reason, maybe she was scared to leave, but she was staying, but she also wasnt saying ANYTHING and was being very moody and difficult and bitchy.

but she was STAYING and that was the important thing. I was being a bet niceguy tyring to comfort her saying its ok sweetie, i’ll be here fore you when you want to talk.

then there was this alpha male playing rock guitar and she looked at him and then I feared that that would be enough to make her leave me.

he was a white guy who i went to college with 10+ years ago and was never superfriends with, but he was a good guy and I got along with him. he was a rare Country Hick who went to the univ. He was very very smart, and into writing fiction (I think) and gambling. i feel he wasnt some kind of mindless marxist. i hear he went back to the middle of nowhere and did nothing with his life, much like me hahahaha. except i am not in the middle of nowhere hahahaha.

so she didnt leave me for him but i didnt like the interested way she looked at him!

it was kinda like when the loving person is trying to help some traumatized child who cant or wont talk. the child is staying with you, so that’s good……..but they aren’t being cooperative beyond that. and what if they did leave? youd feel shitty for investing so much of yourself in trying to help them, when obviously they resented it and you.

then the dream got really weird with lots of weird creature horror cronenberg type stuff, where she was shrinking into like a cat rat baby hiding in small dark spaces.

and then there was even weirder shit. this grotesque skeleton nun appeared displaying these poor animals she was torturing/K’ing by essentially skinning them down to the bone, while leaving as much skin on some parts of the body so as to keep them alive as long as possible. however the nun herself was a kind of animated, partially skinned human corpse, who was supposedly the father of another man in the dream, who was either supposed to be my Professional Partner in helping/treating That Woman (who by this time was a scrawny cat rat child)…..or something.

so anyway the mans father was partially skinned into a barely living human skeleton dressed up as a mockery of a catholic nun, who themself was doing a similar skinjob on these animals. cats and dogs. but the idea was, it wasnt of their free will, they were being controlled / possessed by some demon or devil like in the exorcist.

these are the types of dreams I have when I am at my average!!!!!! hahahahaha.

i think woman 2012 also made a cameo appearance, hahahahha.

ok got 60 minutes of power hour peak UVB vitamin D sun, 2:15 to 3:15.  1 to 2 would have been better but i was at the dr. i am hoping sunshine activated vitamin d is the magic bullet that cures everything wrong with me hehehe.

this was a great vidya from this poor lost soul.

now he does watch sarcuck of cuckad, and quotes a socialist at the end of this vidya, but uhhhh the points he makes in this vidya are unimpeachable. i just hope he isnt really a socialist. for the sake of his own soul!

anyway the interesting thing about that dream is, somebody can be unwilling to communicate with you, but theyre still willing to STAY WITH you. that is a nice bona fide. of course, maybe they’re just too scared to leave you, and as soon as they build the strength, they will leave you.

she was absolutely not willing to stay with me, in the sense that she was “with me” as a friend, somebody in my life that I talked to, texted, hopefully hung out with, but not any more.

but yeah i guess time really does heal all wounds, i can tell i WILL get over this SOMEDAY………..

…….it just takes a RIDICULOUSLY long time, like TWO YEARS of ABSOLUTELY NO CONTACT. and by then, someone who was very important to you, who you wanted to be the mother of your children, will have faded away into a faded memory like all the other women. and then you will be a 35 year old loser who never had a proper GF and doesnt have a proper job and you know you will never find a nice 7/10 white 25 year old n<4 woman ever again.

oh yeah. got called for interview today. 12k a year job hahahaha. 12k. 11 dollars an hour, 20 hours a week. unbelieveable. but the job seems like it would be easy and stress free. back at the old employer i had from 2008-13. ideally would get the job and then be able to find Secret Internal Jobs, then get a FT one of those for 30k a year. The End. Life Goal Achieved.

the woman who called me sounded really confused and disoriented. she was clearly having a bad day. she sent me an email as discussed and it had some errors in it. i hope she was just having a bad day and this is not her average hahahaha becuase my average is WAY better than that hahahahaha. and she is making 30k a year. like some damn fatcat plutocrat factory owning capitalist hahahaha. how much does her HUSBANDO make.

the st andrean guy brings up an interesting point: back in the DAY, low level retail and cust serv people didnt have to THINK. “we dont pay you to THINK!” but now you have to demonstrate how you are a FAST and CREATIVE and GREAT THINKER UNDER PRESSURE for a damn 12 dah part time job. now you need to THINK FAST all day so you can solve customers problems and keep them from bitching at the manager.

then how do dumb negers get fast food and walmart jobs then?

affirmative action hahahahahahahaha.

and then i just remembered its HER birthday this month. but the good news is i didnt realize that until 10 days into the month hahahaha. now SHE is getting old. i wonder if she will have any mud baby Sprogs by the time she is 30. or if she will Abort the Sprogs and focus on her career.  yeah but a woman like her really NEEDS a MAN.  i wonder how many cox shes fooked in the past year. she used to be a beautiful person. “inside and out.” way to become a slut after age 25. so sad. hey u could married ME!!!!

and

basically i worry that SHE WAS THE BEST. I’LL NEVER FIND A BETTER WOMAN THAN HER. Young, Pure, Innocent, Nice, AND good looking. she was the FULL package. she just didnt luv me.

every woman I meet I will just end up comparing to HER, and SHE will beat them.

that’s my fear now. because as an old loser man, i don’t have any value in the mating market.

being a good person IS an important thing in life, with friends and family, in society……

but it doesnt mean SHIT in the mating market!

it doesnt mean SHIT in the market where New Human Life is created!

isn’t that weird?

Also what I’m assmad about at women is not just that they are going against their natural role……

but that they are so ENTHUSIASTICALLY, WILLINGLY rebelling against their natural role!

yes lets enjoy lots of casual sex! yes lets become powerful leaders in companies! yes lets have strong powerful careers and make big decisions! they LOVE it!

Whereas I am deviating from MY natural role as a MAN….but it wasn’t my CHOICE, and I SURE as hell dont LIKE it!!!!!

took some nyquil. then will go for walk num 2. was kinda useless today. zero job apps. not sure how that happened. i blame the dr appt, and also much hourlong walk in the afternoon. but really i think THAT is more important than doing an hour of jobsearching at that time.

also I get a lot of emails every day and it takes tiem just to scan them. i get SOME (not a lot) APPLY jobs out of these emails. it essentially takes the place of looking at the main indeed list.

also yesterday i learned that “stupid ghetto people” all use indeed. i chuckled and said really. just curious, what do nonghetto, smart people use? apperantly they use monster. this is coming from a Manager who hires and fires Ghetto people hehehehe.  i am more racist than him but he sees the reality more than I do! I guess he is just that concerned about not being thought of as a racist. i dont have that anxiety hahahaha.  i just have plenty of other anxieties. about my competence to do basic jobs and to mate with wimmin hahaha.

shit i wish i never met her. when will i ever get along that well with another woman again? of that high quality?

i mean yeah i can live without women, i can live without being close to a woman………but i got a TASTE of it……and i really liked it, and now i want MOAR. very much like when i pseudodated those gurls 10 years ago. different because this was more important, it wasnt psuedo anything, it was real, it was long term, there was an actual rel between people, and it hurt moar. but similar in that it gave me a tiny taste of something real good that  i knew I wanted MORE of. i didn’t want to go my whole life without experiencing that.

well maybe it will take ANOTHER 10 years.

i guess when i am 45, the 30 year old wimmin will look pretty damn hot hahahahahahahahaha.

now by that time, the women will have CERTAINLY taken a ot of dix and be crazier and be more duplicitous hehehehe.

who cares. i took some nyquil as usual every 2 or 3 days. took the full dose this time. around 6 pm. nice and early. hahahaha. recreational use of nyquil to feel numb and sleepy hours before going to bed. but yeah it really does impact your thinking. cannot think clearly at all. very sluggish.

so yeah writing becomes evn more shitty. but i guess its easier to not think negative thoughts. unless you get there automatically, then you dont have the mental energy to fight them off hahahaha.

george feels says he did his college at a crappy diploma mill and got a degree in “computer science.” he makes it sound like it was just as boring and easy and useless as high school. just coast thru, never really learn anything useful. and right now he is struggling to teach himself the C language. WTF DID HE DO DURING THIS COLLEGE? why wouldnt he learn C or C++ in a “computer science” program? maybe they did java or python hehehehe.

but it sounded like the shittiest college, he would have been better off going to damn community college.  i mean shit i learned enough about C++ and “computer science” at community college, learned enough to know i could never do this for a career, cuz the amount of stuff you had to know and master is STAGGERING. just to get a part time job hahaha.

i prefer what st andrean had to say. just dont go to college unless you are a GOD DAMN GENIUS, AND you have very good social skills, AND you are getting internships and networking with people working in the field, AND you go to a GREAT uni. so only go to college if ALL those are true. THought that was a great point.

tons of autist nerds are good at math, science, computers, but terrible socially. you need to be GOOD socially to turn your college degree into a career. the better socially, the better for your career.

so you really need to be great at everything. be the computer nerd with the charismatic social skills of don trump. i would think this is the very rare computer nerd hahaha.

or a guy like bill clinton is a disgusting degen sleazebag, but hes got GREAT social skills.

also we virgins never get to see what trump is like when he is seducing women. but shit an alpha male, at that point they are seducing HIM!

oh for gods sakes, that st andrean in exile guy shut his channel down TODAY. he had some honestly good stuff. i think he shut his own self down, because he did nto have any racist stuff. the powers that be still allow sexist stuff but not racist stuff. and sexist stuff is getting pretty big. i guess  shillary could try to shut it down but i just dont see it. but the race nut is a MUCH harder nut to crack than the secs nut. all these woman hating mgtows who are too scared to become racists hahaha.

aug 12

ok. 10.13 am and i have cleared out my 13 or 14 new emails from overnight. all job related stuff. i gotta get rid of some of these alerts hahaha. right now i have such a “backlog” of APPLY jobs, I can really only afford to add jobs if I classify them as “APPLYYYYYY”, ie, they are obvious standouts.

WE DONT PAY YOU TO THINK!

well in 2016 you must think of bullshit to keep your angry customers pacified, because your company is so LEAN that they cut corners everywhere and give shitty product, shitty service, creating tons of unhappy customers. and you have to THINK FAST and BULLSHIT in order to RETAIN those unhappy customers.

make promises and excuses when you dont even know what youre talking about. well have it for you as soon as possible. the price PROBABLY wont go up. oh it did? oops you got unlucky. it is what it is, you dont have to be happy about it, better luck next time!

i dunno. i just think the best “company culture” is when they are SERIOUS about giving good service to their CUSTOMERS, AND they are SERIOUS about treating their lowest employees well. namely giving them good training and helping them serve the customers well. not just bullshitting, and excuses, and runarounds, and avoiding, and passing the buck, and kciking the can, and saying we dont do that, or we have no record of that, or no, call them back, they are wrong, we really DONT do this, or we dont do that, talk to your manager, i did, he said call you, then call your managers manager.

where managers are there ONLY to make things “LEANER” and they dont know SHIT about how to actually do the work of the department. and they have been brought in from outside. ALWAYS PROMOTE FROM WITHIN. how hard is this to understand.

these anti-management attitudes of mine make me a borderline socialist, that and i am generally against Wanton Greed, and I am also against Wanton GROWTH where the growth is unsustainable. but you have to keep up with inflation goy.

1% growth isnt good enough when inflation is 3%! is that the idea??!?!?!?!

drinking weak coffee and my stomach is churning and gurgling extremely loudly and frequently.

went to store and picked up new refill of citalopram and some groceries.

i honestly dont know how ALL people are not RED PILL. just going to the superstore is BLACK PILLING. maybe its just too much. i mean you dont want to BLACK pill people. then they dont even care about red pill blue pill anymore, and become one of those fat mouth breathing zombies you see at the supermarket.

did see some qt 16 year old girls there with their Moms tho hahahahahaha.

shit i am probably old enough to be their FATHER hahahaha.

all these fookin jobs are for Seniors and Leads and Managers……………….

WHY ARENT YOU HIRING FROM WITHIN?

well PROBABLY they WILL end up hiring from within, which is good, they just HAVE to post the job externally.

ok fine…….BUT WHERE ARE THE POSTINGS FOR LEVEL 1 PEOPLE????!?!?!?!?!?

the postings for level 2 and above seem to outnumber the postings for level 1 by like 2 or 3 to 1…….AT LEAST.

too many chiefs, not enough indians!

now level2 and level3 aren’t “managers” per se. they are more subject matter experts, ie, people who ACTUALLY know what they’re doing. the people you really wish you could talk to , but you cant, because they only work on escalated cases, and advising stupid level 1s.

MOST level 2’s i worked with were good as hell, they deserved their status. about 30% didn’t.

but even the good ones weren’t necessarily Good to the level 1s who wanted their help.

thankful to be able to go out at 1pm for powerwalk in peak of days sun hahaha.

partly cloudy unfort but should still get some sun.  i guess it can break through the clouds somewhere. wheres a level 2. an SME hahaha.

i cant believe MORE average people dont go MAD from the ridiculous demands of Work. i mean these deamnds do not seem fulfillable by the average person! these unreasonable demands! so I guess i am a bit jelly of all these normies who go to work and don’t go crazy. they just turn into fat stupid assholes. black pill hahahaha.

heh. these employers HIDE BEHIND their PORTALS. I am trying to apply to hospital job and it errors out when i try to upload res. over and over. so now I just have to WAIT until they fix it. theyre probably not even AWARE of it. and theres no way to report it.  but it was just working an hour ago, because i applied to a job at that time.

its a god damn ridiculous oracle people soft type system that is stupid as fook. always signing out, buttons and links dont work, its fooked. i really dont want to clear cookies and all that. i guess its not a big deal because i just have it reopen all tabs automiatically.

so yeah i am pretty much planning to go to this labor day thing with old college friends. should be pretty fun. i mean most of them are all successful and shit but who cares, they are nice people and thats all that matters.

also one of the guys is not a super duper YUGE winner like the others hahaha. and he is still a super duper great guy.

is it considered a good bullshit detector if you think everything is bullshit? you are so sensitive to bullshit you think EVERYTHING is bullshit? even stuff that isnt bullshit?

yeah well most stuff IS bullshit, so can you blame me for thinking EVERYTHINGS bullshit?

so i got impatient, clicked on use previous resume, then accidentally forgot to click on i am over 18, and then it Disqualified me, now I cant apply for the job AT ALL. I try to do it again and says sorry you cant. FOOOOOCCKKKK. it gives you a phone number to call. i am not gonna call it unless i am blocked from applying to OTHER jobs.  SOOOOO stupid.

OHHH rejected for MAIL CLERK job at other hspital ive sent 40 applications to. wouldnt be the first time ive been rejected for mail clerk hahahaha. sorry, FILE clerk. hmm only took 2 days for them to reject me. 2 days since i applied.

NO i dont spell shit wrong in my Packet!!!! like i do here. there, everything is perfect.

all these companies send rejection letters on friday from 430 to 5 pm hahahaha. i wonder why this is hahahahaha.

also, just because HR for the big company sends you a rej letter for one job, doesnt mean they’ll send you one for all jobs at that company.

i obviously need to take my Main Standards of:

25 years old

n<4

7/10

and Walk Them Back a bit. but how much? I would say just a tiny bit at a time, until someone reaches the New, Lower Standard hahahaha. so lets make the new standard n<5. that will make the pool a little larger hahaha.

its not like i have 100 applications to pick from hahahaha. i have 0 applications to pick from.

oh noes, katie ledecky is at least 25% JOOISH. so if i had children with her, they would be 12.5% jooish. is that too much? kind of. I would prefer my children be less than 6.25% nonwhite.

i looked her up because i kind of liked her weird horseface and maybe she even sort of reminded me of That Woman in having a weird face that doesnt seem like it should be qt. WELL, wait until she is 30 or 40! wont be so qt any more!

fathers side is from czech. mother is half j00ish. yikes. and she herself is a “roman catholic”. YIKES.

does michael phelps wife let him fook rando gurls when hes at the olympics?

is he even married? i thought he was and he def has a keed. i hope they dont have an open marriage.

like he didnt get enough action BEFORE he was married!

customer service. jeez. i just cant do it ALL DAY LONG. maybe put me on phones for 1 hour….but then have me switch on and off, on and off. customers 1 hour, no customers next hour, then back on, then back off etc. but all customers for 8 hours is just holy shit. its like private pyle trying to survive the military. the military would be EASIER. how do people do this and not K themselves moar?

i MIGHT be able to WITHSTAND if i had a good waifu to build me up at the end of the long day…..but good waifus dont like guys who cant handle tuff situations all day. they dont like such WEAK men.

well remember, george feels worked at best buy geek squad for like 2 months MAX because he was too anxious about the customers and not feeling like he was trained to handle it. cuz the training was minimal, classic swim or sink thrown to the wolves shit. george freaked out and quit, and then got his awesome job at the liberry where he continues to work today.

he says that now he might try to tough it out at best buy a little longer to force himself to get better with people.

its all in this one, good summary of george telling his life story.

i think its something we shuld all do, to try to get perspective. you can see the link on the right side where i started doing Muh Life Story and then put it on this blog. cant remember the lessons i learned. oh yeah. much like george, i reaped what i sowed, and i failed to nip shit in the bud when i was young. i just ignored them and did stupid shit and assumed that everything would turn out all right as long as i got a college degree. NOPE.

yeah realy i wish there were like 2 classes in high school preparing you how to deal with customers ALL DAY. how to deal with their stupid bullshit. them bitching about CONFUSING stuff and how you could work under pressure and answer to the most ridiculous bullshit. certainly high school COULD prepare you for that….but it didnt. like put you in simulations where you could have a Safe Word to get out if you got too flustered. and just practice practice practice. like practicing a SPORT. you PRACTICE 10 times more than you actually have official matches. you practice so you’ll be ready for the match/game/competition/tournament. i wish i had done that in order to prepare for customers on the job.

heh. i would prob quit geek squad too georgie boy! i cant blame you! anyway he eventually got some more customer service experience when he switched jobs at the liberry.

WAS IT REALLY WORTH IT?

I had some SOLID, BIGBOY, REAL WORLD, REAL MAN Customer Service Experience, a full YEARS worth, in a CALL CENTER, taking CALLS all day on the WEIRDEST shit that I had NO IDEA how to do.

was it WORTH IT?

maybe…..but at this point it doesnt really feel like it. and i feel like I could never do it again. just the thought strikes fear deep into my heart so I am AVOIDING all jobs that seem like they would have TOO MUCH (>50%) cust serv.

WOMEN YOUNGER than me have opened up their own Clinical/Counseling practices. like this 25 year old broad i see making a duckface on linkedin. LCSW, LLC, LLP. but who i really want to help are single white men with despair and anxiety, and white neets and such. thing is, these people are not likely to seek help.  alot of people only go to counseling because they are FORCED by court or probation. i guarantee some of those men are white!

but yeah honestly i did some GREAT, STRONG work, and TOUGHED IT OUT in some real TOUGH MAN shit, when i thought I would BREAK under the pressure. but NO, I STAYED THE COURSE. Weathered the storm.

So i have PROVED I can handle tough situations and tough customers. however, add a shitty situation with a woman and THAT is my breaking point.

i mean it WAS a realy unique situation i dont EVER see happening again. both the fact that she did not respond AT ALL, PLUS the fact that we worked in the same office.

it wasnt the CUSTOMERS that pushed me over the edge, it was HER, or really, my inability to DEAL with her.

i guess THEORETICALLY i could get another job and fall in luv with another coworker. i just hope i deal with it better! and i think i really cant not deal with it better! i would just send an email or text saying WE NEED TO TALK NAO. I HAVE FEELINGS FOR U.

then she will freak out, say were done, and i will put in a 2 weeks notice hahahahaha.

no i will try to move my shift, or move to where i cannot see her.

if i am running out of Meds, I will go to an Urgent Care to see if they can write me an emergency refill.

again i really dont think the running out of meds was what caused me to go over the edge. it was i just couldnt handle that ridiculous situation.

 

WOMEN USED TO BE AGAINST G4Y MARRIAGE

…AND THEY CAN BE AGAINST THEM AGAIN,

is the point I was trying to make with that.

basically women are sheep that go along with the Tone set by their President hahaha. So since we have a marxist president who is all i luv gays and hate whites, normie basic women luv gays and hate whites.

you think it was like that when Ronnie Reagan was in office? OR Tricky Dicky? HELL NO!

I….dont really remember the W years. Well, during the W years I was a filthy marxist who luved gays and hated whites!!!!!!!!!!!! And I am sorry. I am SO glad to be over that horrible phase.

july 3

had to put this one in here, kinda sums up the strengths of ritual killer. i wish sammy just incorporated this into his main band.

i think its useful to think of “bestial war black metal” when trying to put this band in context. i am still not 100% sure what that phrase even means but let’s just say it means raw, hateful, fast, somewhat “old school”, relentless etc. ugly, hateful, maybe like teitanblood or this band revenge i’ve heard a lot of good things about.

http://rateyourmusic.com/customchart?page=1&chart_type=top&type=album&year=alltime&genre_include=1&genres=War+Metal&include_child_genres=t&include=both&limit=none&countries=

War Metal

now ritual killer is not categorized by RYM as war metal but I think a good case could be made!

axis of advance? james read? conqueror? blasphemy? sacramentary abolishment?

seems like for people who want to combine death and black metal but not in a “pussy” way hahahaha.

it is exactly the type of thing i wanted to make when i was 16 hehehe. rebel against the world sort of stuff. very hatefully.

just looking at the list of band names, album titles, album art gives you a pretty good idea.

i listened to the first ritual killer and it was so muddy sounding it was hard to enjoy. the second album, which ive been listenind to a lot of, has a much better enjoyable sound.

also it has tons of catchy riffs, all the songs are made of catchy riffs rather than a fuzzy, muddy, samey wall of sound, which i dont want. i want catchy heavy riffs. not people who got falling down sloppy drunk and decided to write the most extreme music ever about blasphemousgoatsodomybloodwhiskeyvomit. i like more fascist stuff about war and jackboots marching and mass graves and survival of the fittest with violent, fast, but catchy riffs, that aren’t so muddy that they stop being really heavy or catchy.

need something a LITTLE more serious that cares about songs and riffs. obviously i trust sammy d to do this! and it basically makes goatwh0re look safe and polished and vanilla and has more atmosphere than latter day GW imho, who while enjoyable…..i like something a little more extreme and underground.

but i like that the second RK album is much clearer and less muddy than the first album. clearer but still raw and face ripping. it captures my hatred and rage very nicely hahaha so i have been listening to it regularly and enjoying it more and more.

yes they are degenerates hehehe.

i imagine the Mosh Pit for Ritual Killer would be ridiculous as fook, ideally.

might just be the record of the…..season for me hehehehe.  summer 2016.

more extreme and underground and poseur-slaying than goatwh0re, which look like nickelback by comparison hahahaha.

it absolutely is related to blast beats. goatwhore has cut down on blast beats and RK has plenty of them. in every song. also a little rawer in production, yet still very heavy. wish i could say the same about the first album, which on the first listen, is just too muddy. much harder to enjoy the riffs. i never liked muddy.

this looks possibly promising

seems like goatwh0re is lumped in with “blackened death metal for poseurs” like behemoth or belphegor. or Babbys First blackened Death metal, then if youre Tr00, you graduate to more kvlt stuff like this WAR metal hehehe.

heh i should be a metal producer obviously. then i would be like hay guise you know your riffs are boring and stupid, why dont you try a little harder and bring me something GOOD.  dont you have any PRIDE in your WORK? you do WORK thats this shitty at your JOB? then your customers and your managers should be BITCHING at your constantly because this is SHIT and you shoudlnt be getting PAID for this! have some PRIDE in your WORK! You’re a white man aren’t you? Youre not an ingra are you? How can you think this shit is GOOD? You want a PRIZE for taking a disgusting tacobell shit? you present that to someone youre trying to IMPRESS and say gimme praise and plaudits for this SHITE?!?!?!?!

 

this is not a WAR METAL album but it comes close to what I am looking for, and I think even WAR METAL purists would agree that this album should get an honorable mention. Angelcorpse is about as KVLT as it gets and everyone agrees they were ahead of their time in combining death and black metal with ferocious speed and violence and aggression and hatefulness hehehehe. I particularly remember this album because I was very into metal in 1999 and they played some of this on the local Underground Metal Radio Show that ran once a week, broadcast out of a local high school. that was kind of a big Cultural Thing, considering we didnt Stream Shit on the Internet back then. You had to tie up your momz phone line for an hour to download a 30 second darkthrone clip hahahaha. this radio show was where i first heard this album, also the death album “sound of perserverance” which came out around that time, uhhh i heard hypocrisy “the final chapter”, some in flames possible “whoracle”, deicide “serpents of the light”. and well 17 years later its this angelcorpse which still sounds the most exxxxtreme hehehe.

at the time i was like WOW that’s just too much for me, i couldn’t take a whole album of that hehehehe. but I never forgot about it.

of courshe pete helmkamp has a VERY good reputation with his 14 bands, I am sure I would find other good stuff if I stuck with him.

so what skills ARE employers looking for, that they cant fill jobs, but there are thousands of long term employed out there? ok i get that you have to put forth the THOUSANDS OF DOLLARS and THOUSANDS OF HOURS to TRAIN YOURSELF by paying for long collegelike training programs, because companies arent gonna do that FOR you……but how and where do you take like robotics training classes?

so and so took a robotics training course and immediately found a job making 18 bucks an hour.

i bet he has had secs in the last 12 years too hahahaha.

did you have to pay 14k dollars for 1000 hours of training so you could be qualified to enter a 14 dah hvac tech job, in 1980?

gotta smoke MJ and listen to WAR metal

so this is revenge playing live. sometimes they have the aforementioned helmkamp playing with them. but not on this show. the drummer j read has a reputation as a beast. he also plays with axis of advance and conquest and prob some other bandz. ok the guitar player was also in axis of advance. so revenge is kinda a contiuation of that band.

anyway i guess that would be a fun show.

i hate looking at job postings and thinking “I HAVE NO IDEA WHAT THEY ARE TALKING ABOUT.” asking for 2 to 3 to 5 years of experience in something i have NO idea what it is.  that i have never heard of in my life. just to get a 14 dollar an hour job. and the ingras at macdonalds want 15 an hour!

or 80% of jobs dont even list a wage or salary. i think this is stupid because they could easily dissuade people like me from applying for a job by saying it pays liek 45k. then i wont even APPLY.

so THEN you have to look at Glassdoor and look up that job in your area and then you get a HUGE range and of course you should look at the minimum.

and be aware if this is a “contingent” or “flex” or “casual” or “noncareer” or “support” or “as needed” or “PRN” or “floating” position. because then you might get paid 15 an hour, but you wont get any bennies, and you sure as hell wont get a regular schedule.

went for 4.6 mile walk, listened to ritual killer, axis of advance, and angelcorpse.

the axis of advance (obey) was pretty ridiculous. yeah that james read is a beast and I liked the natural, untriggered sound of the drums. but I couldnt tell if he was playing slightly sloppy, or really, really good hehehehe. no doubt he is ambitious. but is he punching above his weight? a rockstar only in his own mind? or is he actually good? i think he is actually good, but I am so used to hearing fast drummers be all overproduced, and his wheelhouse is perhaps underproduced. which is my wheelhouse too. but the guitars are very low tuned and muddy. and i have a hard time with muddy. anyway it was fun just to listen to him spazz out. you gotta have a real hardon for drumz like I do, cuz it is hard to discern the riffs.

as i was walking around i saw alot of people partying around the neighborhood because it is 4th of july weekend. so i felt lonely and wished i had some frands to do something fun with on 4th of july hehehe maybe even a special woman to spend time with, certainly many other people are spending the holiday with their frands and special wimmin.

but at the moment i am distant from all muh frands. the only person i feel like being close with is HER…..and i havent talked to her in a YEAR! even muh frands i am not really close with.

http://hyken.com/customer-experience-2/customer-service-dont-know/

the customer service GURU shep hyken, what do you mean you never heard of him, then you dont deserve to make 20k a year! i dont care if hes a joo if he can help me SURVIVE and WITHSTAND at muh horrible cust service job! you think that woman has ever read anything liek this?!/!/1/1 hell no she just sucks dicks and says someone else do this idk lol just go with the flow slurrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrp daddys cvmmies!!!!1

http://workplace.stackexchange.com/questions/56636/how-do-you-respond-to-a-customer-when-you-cant-answer-their-question

listened to the angelcorpse album above, forgot how the guitar is “Phasery” and seems to go whooooosh in and out, which kind of reminds me of morbid angel “covenant” which is also a good album, but that guitar sound is weird. it sounds better when there is fast tremolo picking or noisy squealing solos. in other places it sounds very clean and not very heavy. kinda weird.

but the drums are insane out of this world! great drum performance here by tony laureano, great drum sound too. one for the ages. classic. the guy is a BEAST.

heh. i guess besides playing with 20 million death and black metal bands, he is also drum tech for megadeth and has recently been playing live with megadeth, but dave mustaine just hasnt found out who this guy really is, and also that he possibly played with satanic groups, which dave does not like now that hes a born against cuckstian hahahaha. but i think would be funny if laureano plays with megadeth the same way he plays on this angelcorpse album hehehehe. ie face melting blast beats.

real fookin interesting amirite? who cares hahahaha.

so. 30 to 40 years ago the normal woman would have just SCOFFED at Gay Marriage in a way that would now be considered Totally Literally Homophobic. They would go EW GROSS UM NO. NO JUST NO. UM YEAH NO.

But now they view you as a Bigot if you are not a Gay Cheerleader!

It’s tempting to see this as a sign that women are Morally Weak.

well…..when realyl what it is, is they Go Along With The Mainstream. They are the world’s worst conformists.

In other words, if we had a Trumpenfuhrer or more Right Wing administration in office, I GUARANTEE you normie women wouldnt be CHEERLEADING gays so much. and that can happen in just a few short years.

in other words, though the woman-hating part of you might say, LOOK AT THESE ABSOLUTELY DISGUSTING DEGENERATE WOMEN, WOMEN ARE INHERENTLY DEGENERATE, INFERIOR SCUM, DISGUSTING!!!!

I say SLOW DOWN, CALM YER TITS. yes women are herd lemming sheep and this can lead them into the mouth of degeneracy, but as long as they dont open their wombs to 10 different men, then i bet the SAME women who do stupidass Facebook Rainbow Flagtivism, would, under Better Leadership, sing the praises of One Man One Woman and the Tradfam.

anyway tony laureano might play in more of a controlled, accurate manner than j read, but j read is definitely more violent and aggressive. i bet laureano is one of those guy who looks like he’s barely moving as he plays br00tal 300 bpm blasts hehehe. NOT THAT THERES ANYTHING WRONG WITH THAT. but j read really embodies the idea of ATTACKING the drums, his word not just mine. And referring to himself as the “HATEHAMMER”. I have to wonder how serious they are about this “Superion” thing. It is a very darwinist, weed out the week, might is right, ragnar redbeard sort of view combined with very hateful humanity-hating misanthropy which seems kinda nihilistic. I imagine it HAS to be somewhat of an act, and I do like the act, but I wonder if these guys aren’t alcoholic degenerates in real life, heheheehhe.

whereas pete helmkamp has his “heretic supremacy” and “way of the conqueror” which is similar, but he actually seems like a normal guy who has a sense of humor and a wife and I would BET is less degenerate personally. than 45 year old men that talk about hateful violence and power and dominating and exterminating the weak and seem very humorless hehehehehe.

they see no point to kindness or luv or goodness and praise evil because it is destructive and destroys the weak bla bla bla. it is about as hardcore of an image as like early mayhem or some shit. i mean i hope for the sake of their SOULS they are not like this in real life.  because i do not like seeing talented white men not having children, or wasting their lives on nihilism and drugs.

yes i know there is a BLACK guy in the black metal band blasphemy, which is kinda the godfather of this whole “ross bay cult” scene which revenge and conquerer and j read is a part of. i guess they hang out in graveyards and do blood ritual and they are black metal “skinheads”. very interesting scene I only recently became aware of.

near victoria and maybe vancouver. sheeit I just thought the town was full of FOB Asians hahaha.

this is the album that started it all. black metal skinheads. they also like POWERLIFTING hehehe. one guy went to the psych ward. another went to jail for punching out a cop and now they cant come to the US hahaha. apparently somebody K’d themself at one of their shows. their shows are legendary and turn into full blown riots.

you probably have to be drunk or st0ned to enjoy it hahahaha i have  not even listened to it.

also i am confused that there is a Black guy in the band (“Caller of the Storms”). Well he seems truly into it so good for him.

“THERE ARE TWO SIDES TO EVERY STORY.”

well whats HER side of the story?

probably that I got out of control, too weird, too much to handle, and she just couldnt handle me being so damn weird and overbearing and was better off without me. sometimes it reaches a point where you decide taht your life would be better without a certain person in it.

well i say that works for the best when both parties agree on that. i desperately wanted her to stay in my life because she made my life WAY better. and I made HER life WAY worse. heartbreak waiting to happen.

it just sucks when you make someones life worse, and THEY make your life better, and they kick you out of their life because you make their life worse. with absolutely NO regard to the pain that causes you. like you can SAY something like “now, dont take this the wrong way, im not kicking you out of my life because you make my life worse, its not your FAULT, its just that I cant do this rel, I dont have what youre looking for, im sorry.” nope you dont even get that.

uhh maybe click on the topmost link int he indeed list so when you reload the page when you get up the next day, you can see where the list ended the last time you looked at it, the visited link will show up as purple.

you can also use advanced search to filter out agencies.

i have not filtered them out, but i kind of want to.

but there will definitely be come a time where I dont want to filter them out. when I am moar desperate haha.

is there any “WAR METAL” made by Purely Nondegenerate Fascists? This WAR METAL is obviously linked with Fascism, but Tr00 fascists are not tattooed, drunkard degenerates who hate everything. They love their race and maybe their nation. they have a RaHoWa to bring abotu these glorious ideals. they are not glorifying destruction and death itself. They glorify the TRIUMPH of The Good Guys and the destruction of The Bad Guys.

so yeah while i like the tough guy shit of j read and revenge, i want something a bit more……i dunno. “serious”? Its hard to say they arent SERIOUS. well how about Less Degenerate? people who live up to rigorous Character standards.

ok skinheads used to represent The White Working Class, then got coopted by neo nazi gangs and fat skinhead rednecks. degenerates on meth and booze.

so……how about we get principled, non-degen, non-tattooed, drug-free, working-class, family men skinheads?

well dressed, well spoken, no tattoos, but still have short hair and working class jobs.

in other words, dont look like the ETERNAL ADOLESCENTS which is what METAL is. talk about ARRESTED DEVELOPMENT hahahaha.  and i am NOT talking about the j00ish tv show!

so….fascist war metal played by fine upstanding fashy goys who are well-groomed skinheads? i guess.

fascist war metal played by people that look like a fascist martial industrial neofolk band hahahaha.

just look how they use the WORD “fascist”: like “bigot” or “racist” or “pedophile”, its used as a SYNONYM for bad evil horrible person. which of course a paedophile IS…but NOT a bigot or a racist!

got to reclaim words like fascist, bigot, racist!

someone calls you racist, you say THANK YOU!

or you say SO WHAT? is that supposed to be a BAD thing? Shit YEAH Imma Raciss!

though the guys in ritual killer are a bunch of tattooed degenerates, i was happy to see them in some pictures holding Huge Guns, like very intimidating AR15 type guns. This generally sends the message that you are one of the Good Guys hahahaha.

white men who buy AR15’s are probably the type of people you want to be hanging out with. well just watch out cuz your tradwife might LEAVE YOU for them hahahaha.

basically metal that could be played during “TRIUMPH OF THE WILL.”

You seriously need to watch TRIUMPH OF THE WILL on a weekly basis. I need to watch it a lot more. I havent seen it in YEARS. I recall it being very uplifting and powerful. I should watch more of leni riefenstahl’s stuff. is it any good? she is a woman!!!!!!

yeah i had a fantasy about smonking MJ and cuddling up with That Woman and watching triumph of the will……or ANY movie or TV really. the main idea was smokin MJ and Cuddling while watching something. all the better if it were something GOOD like TRIUMPH OF THE WILL, THE BEST MOVIE EVAR.

HAIL VICTORY!!!!!!!!!

this is the sentiment that is missing in some of the hail destruction and death and get drunk metal hehe. we are, or at least the nondegenerate of us, are STRIVING towards a GOAL. towards a huhwhyte ethnostate with healthy huhwhyte families. where our women are not degenerate wh0res and our men are not sissy neet phaggot losers.

i listened to some of that blasphemy, it was ok, it actually was not as bad as I thought it would be hehehe. the production was ridiculous and I could not discern any of it. Really you just need to play it LOUD, which simply cant be done on headphones. again, i’m sure live is the best way to experience it.

which reminds me. like 7 or 8 years ago I saw the kvlt death thrash satanic metal band NUNSLAUGHTER which is i guess kinda related to the idea of drunken degenerates hailing satan and goats and vests covered in patches and they swill beer and headbang and act like big drunken children hahaha.

anyway I never really cared for nunslaughter on record, but live they were excellent and put on an outstanding show, even though I didnt really know any of their songs except the one where the singer says “I AM DEATHHHHHH” or something hahahaha.

anyway im sure they like blasphemy.

i didnt notice any superfast blast beats in the blasphemy album. but it was still moderately enjoyable. total drunk metalheads in vests with patches and goats type stuff.

i sort of enjoyed seeing that at shows, but i was never really a part of that either. i wasnt that social hehehe. plus drinking is a big part of that.

plus people one upping each other with kvlt vinyl and patches of bands where im like yeah, i only like a couple bands in this style. and i am such a big poseur I like melody hehehe. shit i like at the gates and dark tranquillity hahaha. so im not that KVLT in other words.

i fit in better with normies than with that.

i fit in with HER very well, better than i had fit in with anybody in ages. again its really hard for me to CONNECT and FIT IT with people. but with her I did. and that was VERY valuable to be. I lost something of great value to me and it was VERY painful to me. I just wish it was painful for her too. That I meant something and was WORTH something to her too, and that she SHOWED that.

listened to more of the axis of advance “obey” album. It is weird. i have this fixation on this j read all of the sudden. which is fine. but its a lot to take it. definitely a very unique style. makes you look at the drums differently. he does some things which i have never heard before. but i can’t tell how “sloppy” he is. i hate sloppy. generally. if he’s sloppy, he’s not super sloppy, if anything, its a matter of biting off more than he can chew, aiming very high. i mean he is already moving around like animal or keith moon or something. like if keith moon played tons of blast beats hehehehe. its interesting but its tiring to listen to music that is so CHAOTIC.

also the sound is so raw on the axis of advance, its hard to tell the riffs. and the guitars are VERY low tuned. im not even sure if they’re MUDDY per se.

also there are not that many NORMAL parts where he’s NOT playing a blast beat.

so yeah I def want to check out more of his work. obv i like extreme drummers and he is synonymous with that. i wonder if he is bipolar hahahahaa. PROBABLY.  what kind of wimmin does he go out with hahaha. is he a degenerate in real life. PROBABLY.

he’s an INTERESTING GUY, and a very interesting Metal Drummer. But I gotta be careful not to get TOO much of a mancrush on him!!!

better to have a mancrush on mikko aspa, at least he has a nationalist band and likes evola hahahaha. maybe he stopped making pornographic movies hahaha. i mean im not sure how j00ish the pornography wast

 

 

 

WOMEN SEPARATE SECS AND LUV SO MUCH, THEY NEED SEPARATE MEN TO PROVIDE EACH

may 7

had semi interesting dream featuring woman1, aka woman2003, the first woman I ever went crazy for. she was not the best choice but probably not the absolutely worst choice either. i dont know how slutty she really was. ultimately she had probably been with less than 10 guys, so thats pretty good. no children. college student in Fine Arts, hahaha. she was basically a Hippie and A Painter. Recipe for Batshit Crazy yeah I know. Kinda weird that I fell for a gurl with that personality, I never really did again. But she was nice and friendly and energetic and not super bitchy, not mean or grumpy. and she liked to take MJ and listen to some of the same music I did and was partially in muh social circle in 2003. now she was very cute and maybe established me as a Leg Man, and indeed, That Woman might have been somewhat similar in body shape.

anyway in the dream we were spending the night in the same house but in two different rooms, right next to each other. ideally I wanted to go into her room and make out and cuddle with her all night long. hahaha. but I was aware the more masculine thing, and which women would more prefer, is that I march in there like a conqueror and pound the shit out of her ass like a real man, then maybe I could get some of my precious cuddling afterwards. But I had to establish my dominance as a masculine conqueror, not a sensitive feminine cuddler.

so I went in there and was not nearly as masculine as I should have been. She was friendly to me but she did not see flirtatious or inviting in that way.

Now this is problematic for me, because I find “flirtatiousness” to be overly sexual and SLUTTY. I honestly don’t know how a woman should signal more-than-friendly interest in me without seeming slutty. I am perfectly happy with women being warm and friendly and nice to me. Unfortunately, that doesn’t mean they want to get pounded by, or even make out with you.  i wish it did, though, because I find actual flirtatiousness to be too slutty and degenerate and pornographic! but maybe that’s MY problem, and I just have accept that It Is What It Is.

https://productforums.google.com/forum/#!topic/chrome/oH7VZGY5h9w

this is my problem with Tech hahaha. the users of chrome, a big name browser made by one of the biggest tech names, are pointing out a pretty common sense feature request since 2012 at least which has not been address by the company. the best support and response we can get is from an Asian “subject matter expert” who is probably making 1 dollar an hour if that as a contractor for google.  and who doesnt really know shit and gives answers like “we aren’t aware of any feature that does this, if you can’t find one, then it probably doesn’t exist.” thanks google support employee.  but realize this is the answer being given to them by their level 2’s in a chat room. and you arent allowed to speak to the level 2’s.

well could we escalate this and double check for sure? could we submit a formal feature request to the well-paid american google employees?

the feature request is to have an auto-logout of the chrome browser when you close out of chrome.

because you can connect the browser with your google account, basically to import all your history, bookmarks, and PASSWORDS on any computer or phone where you use chrome. home, office, anywhere.

but say you don’t want somebody at your office like your boss or IT Dept SysAdmin to get access to your gmail and facebook and neet virgin despair blog and banking and white nationalist forum hahahaha.

and say you forgot to log off your account from chrom before closing chrome. you know how it says your name on the little box in the upper right.

well, to really “sign off” from this, you have to go into SETTINGS and click on “disconnect my google account.”

ideally this option would be available when you click the little name box.

ideally it would give you a checkbox to be able to disconnect you automatically when you close the browser.

people have been asking for this since 2012 and probably earlier, and it is SO REASONABLE. how could this be too expensive to implement. yet google has given no response to it except a shitty response from an asian contractor making 1 dollar an hour.

PATHETIC. DISGUSTING. SHAMEFUL. This is the biggest tech company in the world, making one of the biggest browsers in the world.  we arent talking about internet explorer here hahahaha.

is there REALLY something i’m missing because I’m not an EXPERT? where common sense is actually wrong because of something weird that only the super trained eye can see? well they are sure not attempting to explain it. and here i WOULD like an explanation. Have someone with a GOOD job (making 40 k a year or more) ATTEMPT to explain it to me. not a 18 year old asian gurl in Customer Service. the customer service should be better trained in the technology so they CAN explain technical things. I don’t blame these poor pathetic souls at level 1 customer service. i blame the managers hahahaha.

for those jobs, customer service is very important…..but so are technical skills. you can be nice and professional as shit but what good is it if you don’t KNOW anything?

and thing is, BOTH these things can be coached and trained and taught. but that takes TIME and MONEY companies are not willing to invest. its actually cheaper to contract a staffing agency AND offer a higher wage to new people……than it is to train/invest in existing people? so just fire the existing people? I guess so. if something doesnt make sense on the surface…..the reason is because its cheaper. cheaper in the short term. that is ALWAYS the answer. Note: what is cheaper in the short term is often more expensive in the long term. So why don’t companies seem to care about the long term? because you can’t have a long term without a short term. so cheaper in the short term is the answer for EVVVVVVVVVVVVVVEEEEEEEEEERRRRRRRRYYYYYYTHHHIIINNNGGGG.

NEVER FORGET THAT. It will save you a lot of frustration and confusion and anger.

anyway, my dream.

I think I finally made up my mind to go in there and pound her like a man. she was still being just friendly rather than sexy to me, which as I said, i prefer. I wish all flirting were like this. I wish women never acted “sexy” because to me it seems very slutty. but unfort it is what it is, women dont operate like that. anywhere she took her clothes off which i guess is a good sign for pounding hahahaha. but her entire body from her shoulders down to like her hips were covered  in weird colored body paint. i said ummm thats not a giant tattoo, is it? YEP! she responded. huh. so a large part of her body was covered in a permanent weird colors. great. mainly it covered the breasts and stomach area. in a way it was somewhat titillating, but it would obviously get real weird, real fast. great. this isnt what I signed up for. SO i decided I should Hit It And Quit It.

put as soon as I made up my mind to Pound Her Masculinely, she essentially faded away or kept disappearing. As by now the dream had been going on for a while and I was waking up and it was time to end. you know how dreams only last for so long then start fading out. then I woke up. no pounding her ass hahahaha. i had WAITED TOO LONG. SHIT OR GET OFF THE POT.

but at least the woman in the dream was a different woman, and it rekindled my feelings for that woman hahahaha. well shit she is older than me! but I was very young then. she got a master’s degree and got married and hopefully never got above 10 and hopefully is loyal and loving to her husband and is having kids before her uterus dries up soon.  i am assuming the husband is white because it’s a very white name and thankfully she took his last name. no hyphen. no space. no appending. just a full replacement. the way it should be, hahahahaha.

it would have been fun to go out with her for like 6 months and bang her 2000 times, hahahaha. but i was not manly or masculine or cool or confident enough. i was like a peasant gasping in awe before the throne of god hahahaha.

well the only time you should be doing that is when you are kneeling before the actual throne of god hahaha.

well EXCUSE ME because I have always INHERENTLY found something SACRED and DIVINE in the life-creating power of woman.

of course this does not help if they don’t respect and revere that awesome power THEMSELVES. and just give it away to lots of guys when they are young and fertile. like spitting in the face of god.

so this is a great song off the  TON october rust album, a very very goth album but also my favorite of their very goth albums, but not necess my fav TON albums….but its def up there and was influential to me at an Impressionable period of my life. I was in high school and remember countless hours of listening to this album and writing and playing quake hahahaha. that was high school. getting stupid good grades, listening to TON, writing stories and journals, and playing doom and quake hahahaha.  also I got into more degenerate hobbies like porn, alcohol, and MJ starting halfway thru high school. that was the beginning of the end.

anyway the song is a degenerate song about eating a bitches period juice (i think hahahahaha) and a lot of the songs on this album are very Worshipful of Women in a kind of Creepy Obsessive way, but it also combines that with the Strong Masculinity of Peter Steele. Like he would give the woman a good masculine pounding while also loving them in a drink their period blood creepy way. creating the perfect bitches in fishnets and black lipstick gothic 90s album. and this song captures that very well, while  also being CRAMMED with great melodies and riffs. it has since become a bit of a fan favorite and they regularly played it live up to the end i think. It was also featured in the semi gothic vampire werewolf shitty movie underworld I think.

anyway I was thinking MY special calling would be to do a Raw Black Metal cover of this song, with Raw Guitars and drums, and blast beats, and either no or much more low-key keyboards. but that very rocking riff would be played very much the same way, perhaps to bring a “black n roll” feel. Maybe really draw out that riff and make it one of the main focus of the song. repeat it 1488 time with some blast beats some of the time too. probably keep some of the low peter steel style vocals. those could possibly be adapted to black metal.

not that type o neg has anything to DO with black metal! but I am a fan of both. that’s all.

that is my idea of creativity. not writing my own songs, but doing black metal versions of other people’s songs.

this is not inherently bad or uncreative! so I need to stop criticizing myself for not being creative enough. creative musicians are total degenerates anyway.

also TON were themselves known for doing very creative different covers of songs. for example on that same album they do a great cover of cinnamon gurl but one of my favorites neil young. however AT THAT TIME, I had no idea of neil young other than some weird old guy who hung out with grunge f4ggots like pearl jam hahaha. I didn’t really like the song. but within 4 or 5 years I was a huge neil fan, especially the album with cinnamon gurl. and I remain a huge neil fan, so it is great to come back to TON and hear cinnamon gurl with fresh ears.

also TON’s covers of hey joe and paranoid on origin of feces are just great. and yeah I guess summer breeze on bloody kisses.

they do a beatles cover on world coming down but i dont give a shit about the beatles. still. I hopefully never will. fookin beatles. LAME.

well you can find several covers of wolf moon on youtube. nothing black metal. looks like i have found my niche here.

like this qt russian gothic gurl who does piano covers of everything. you can also see her dancing like a gothic slut which I found titilating and had to turn off to avoid the near occasion of sin. also I lost respect for her because its not respectable for a gurl to dance like a slut. but i could tell she did not THINK she was dancing “like a slut.” but she WAS!!!!!!

these gurls might not like sluts, and might not think they are dressing or acting like sluts…..BUT THEY ARE!!!!!!

you shouldnt even THINK of having SECS with a guy you’ve known less than 3 months!

yet all the “dating” “relationships” I’ve had with women have existed ALL within the space of 3 short months!

beginning, middle, end!

meeting, dating, fooking, and ending!

rushing through the relationship simulator!!!!

this is obscene, monstrous, grotesque. go through the WHOLE thing, INCLUDING secs, all within 3 months. you should not be having secs within 3 months. you should be getting to know the person.

so really any time i can have a “rel” with a woman than lasts longer than 3 months…..its rare and i am happy.

its a ridiculous farce how fast this fake shallow relationship simulations happen. i cant respect women who do that. yet 50% of women do do that!!!!!!

just follow the simple rule of: never have secs with a guy you’ve known less than 3 months!!!!!!!!!! period!!!!!!!!!

this is what women USED to do, before they turned into degenerate garbage. so easily corrupted by da j00z.

ive NEVER liked this about women, even when I was a leftist feminist, and I liked her because she didn’t seem Like That, which was SO refreshing!

well of COURSE she didnt SEEM like that! she was in the middle of a very long-term relationship!

and this is how I like women the best. not when they are Single Sluts.

when they are single, they are short-term relationship SLUTS. NO THANK YOU.

how about waiting 3 months before fooking a guy, ya single sluts?

because sluts are good for only one thing, and its not DATING!

so many people have tattoos now, including dumb women, that it takes a REAL badass to NOT have any tattoos!

be like, hahaha loser idiot, i don’t have something stupid and gay permanently inked on to my body! sucks to be you!

i mean, it’s really not my place to judge a person…..but when I am essentially auditioning people to be my wife and mother of my children, then yes I am sort of entitled to judge them, hahahaha.

the standards are a bit more lax for my friends. I have had male friends who have had tattoos or who indulged in degenerate sex with sluts.  i assume they grew out of these youthful phases eventually. well i mean you can’t erase dumb tattoos. you can do super expensive tattoo removal though.

tattoos. jeez. talk about a great SIGNAL eh. signaling, I am a stupid slut who you absolutely don’t want for a wife and mother of your children.

well some people on TRS (ie, decent people who have good values and whom i trust) tell personal anecdotes of they got married to a single mother and it worked out all right. she is a good woman who just made a mistake when she was young and had a baby with a deadbeat asshole. she has been agood wife to me and we had 3 kids of our own and the other kid loves me.

I’m not saying it doesn’t happen. im just saying its a big risk because 50% of the time you’re gonna get a psycho bitch hahahaha.

well isn’t that just the same as all women in general? 50% of them being shit?

well how many women who have had 900000 abortions are shitty? only 50%? hahahaha

you see what I am getting at here. as a group, single mothers are less desirable than women without children. just like women who have never had abortions are more desirable than women who have had abortions. 25 year old women are more desirable than 35 year old women.

measuring out 16 grams of peanuts to make 96 calories. it is a tiny little handful which you could easily eat all in one gulp. then know you can only eat 14-15 small handfuls of peanuts all day and that is the amount you are supposed to eat hahaha.

having secs with a guy before 3 months means you dont take your role as LIfe Creator seriously and that you dont take human life seriously and would probably get an abortion. or ruin your husband’s life without a second thought, and feel no guilt. to be a life-destroying sociopath.

sex before 3 months is an indicator of evil, murderous sociopathy!

THIS is why I don’t like women. hahahahaha.

and it takes a SPECIAL women for me to respect and like her. and I found her. until it ended so badly wawawawawa.

yeah well i just liked her because women seem like nice decent people when they are in long term rels. and then they seem like stupid evil crazy whores when they are single. therefore i should avoid single women and only try to date married women. make them cheat on their husbands hahahaha. obviously this is shitty.

I should have just stayed away from her at the very beginning. because she had a longterm bf. and WHAT KIND OF WOMAN goes making new male friends when she has a longterm BF? would I want my “GF” or wife doing that? ABSOLUTELY NOT!!!!!!! but that makes me controlling and jealous. because I dont want my wife to have male friends. SHE SHOULDNT WANT MALE FRIENDS. If I were married, I wouldnt want female friends!!!!!!!!

well its DIFFERENT with women and male friends. women cant just have female friends because EVERYONE KNOWS women dont make good friends but men do.

so why do the women have male friends? because their boifrans are the stone cold men of steel that they luv and who fook them hard, but they just dont listen or talk or show them any interest, so they get that from their male friends?

yep you got it!

so you’re saying women need at least two men?

yupppppp!!!

why can’t they just pick one man who does both things?

because that man isn’t SEXY!!!!!!

but for men, they will certainly be happy with just one woman! the one same women to provide the Secs, as well as to provide the LUV.

why do women separate Secs and Luv so much that they need SEPARATE MEN to provide EACH????!?!?!?!?!?!?!

ABSOLUTELY DISGUSTING!!!!! DEGENERATE!!!!!!

women werent ALWAYS like this!! so therefore its not necessarily female nature. this has been brainwashed into women by da j00z, and it can be brainwashed OUT of women by Us Huhwytes!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

i dunno. even when i was really close with that woman, we never had a real in depth discussion about Sexual Morality. I knew she didnt like sluts and she didnt like cheaters……..but how low of a bar is that? cant I do a little bit better than THAT???? No not really, because just look at me hahahahaha. huge loser omega male. neet virgin.

never had an in depth discussion of if she had casual sex, or how pro life she is, or if she really understood the power of her own uterus.

I have never not been nervous when doing a secsual thing with a woman, and I would PREFER a WOMAN who gets NERVOUS about secs too. you SHOULD BE NERVOUS.

A woman who doesnt get NERVOUS about sex, has had TOO MUCH SEX. Pump and Dump ONLY. Replace with a more moral, life-respecting woman, rather than a goddam murderous nihilist sociopath!

50% of all people arent worthy of the responsibility to create life!

for a long term relationship, men look for women who would be good mothers.

for a long term relationship, women should look for men who would be good FATHERS.

this just makes SENSE. basically our main goal is to CREATE LIFE. and our ideal partner to create that life with, is someone who presents themself as a potential good mother or good father. because to be mothers and fathers is what we were put on this earth to do.

go to church. everything just seems very cramped and crammed where I usually sit. i dont like people sitting right in front or right behind me. its all just too close.

this weird albanian or greek or some kind of foreign old man sits directly behind me, as he has done several times. he spends the whole mass making sucking and slurping noises, like he is sucking his teeth. it is very annoying. when he is not doing this he is muttering or whispering something the whole time. i dont know if he is saying prayers in his native language or what.

then I thank GOD I am not as weird and senile as him. nonetheless its very annoying to hear him slurping and smacking and whispering for a whole hour. i had the urge to spin around and punch him in the face hahahaha.  i was distracted by this extremely autistic, extremely skinny young man sitting to the left of me. now that guy was WEIRD. he will NEVER get a gf or become a father. Pretty sure the weird old annoying man behind me has children, I think I’ve seen his ugly son and his hyperactive grandson with him sometimes, hahahaha.

so how come women have babies with men who would not be good fathers?

because theyre NOT THINKING. they just go and play the life creation game with any sexy man, because they FORGET that sex creates life. then they get stuck with an oops baby and the deadbeat runs off.

so I thanked GOD I wasnt as weird and pathetic as these people. maybe I can reproduce with an average woman. MY problem is, I WANT above average. but I am below average hehehe.

like That Woman. She was well above average. somewhere in the top 50%, if not top 35%. out of my league. I need someone more at the 65% percentile. or maybe 35% percentile is what I mean. meaning, 65% of women are Better than this woman, hahahaha. just like 65% of men are better than me, hahahaha. in the mating game at least.

what do they do with the buckets of spit wine that the tasters spit out at wine tastings? just buckets mixed with 9000 different kinds of of spit backwash wine. I GUARANTEE you there are MILLIONS of homeless , desperate drunks who would be CLAMORING to drink this wine. now that’s desperation.

now im desperate and needy for a woman….but I wont go after an ugly 40 year old. I seem to still have some standards or self respect hahaha. I have self respect but no self confidence hahaha.

the top half of women are attractive, the bottom half are not. Being as I am not really an attractive man, I do not deserve an attractive woman. And she was an attractive woman. good looking, young, no children, nice and pleasant and kind and likeable and not obnoxious, bitchy, or slutty. she had a real pleasant attitude, which women don’t have any more, and i can tell you, western men are DESPERATE for this type of “feminine, ladylike” woman. she has the qualities that men are ordering mail order brides for. kind and caring and nice and sweet and motherly. you dont want to punch them in the face and scream YA STUPID WHORE at them for being so blatantly obnoxious and disgusting. she will have no trouble finding and keeping a man. now the onus is on her to find a good one, and not a badboy who will cheat on her or dump her. but that is her tragic flaw, she has a weakness for Badboys.

i just dont like thinking the best woman i will ever know has VEHEMENTLY rejected me in a way that says I am disgusting and horrible hahahaha. not a good confidence builder.  i would totally bang a young cute slut just to build my confidence but of course i should never date someone like that.

im also assmad that she will replace and forget about me, a LOT quicker and easier than I will replace and forget about HER.

How can she be THAT great, and how can I be so replaceable and forgettable?

honestly. i am not THAT lame and worthless! i honestly am pretty kewl if you give me a CHANCE!

and she was starting to give me a chance to really get to know me and show real interest and care for me, which is very rare for a woman to do for me!

so yeah I worry about how hard it will be to find someone who….wont necessarily REPLACE her, but wil be GOOD enough to make me FORGET about her, hahaha. someone new that I get along with really well.

someone i get along with really well, and is good looking enough for me to want to cuddle and make out with. this does not happen every year!

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Death_march_(project_management)

being forced to work on a stupid failure of a project by stupid out of touch management

quite simply, i just don’t really LIKE any women. FORGET about like like, i’m just talking about like!

well thats not true, i enjoy this one woman I see at my weekly social event. because she is a good moral person, actually has a good sense of humor, is pleasant and nice, is very very low number and innocent.  unfortunately I have known her for about 4 years and have never been really close to her and I have never found her very attractive. somewhat stumpy and potatoey. she never went out with men because she was a low number prude. i liked that. eventually she got a BF and it became long term and serious and they will probably get married. good. anyway he is a good guy and I like him too. But I am not feeling like ooo damn should have made a move on her. dont feel any regrets there. I am just happy she found a decent man. not a badboy, but he does have masculine confidence and charisma. the perfect blend. really a good choice for her. anyway she is more successful than me anyway haha. makes more money.

Agile programming says real programmers dont write documentation? documentation is for idiots that need their hand held and arent real programmers.

i hate this shit. document document document not for your other programmers, but the lost souls who have to SUPPORT your shitty bug ridden nonsense software and actually have to talk to people. write documentation for THEM. they dont know how to code. they dont even know how to use your program.

really i just want to smoke MJ. especially when i am sad and lonely. or stressed out hhahaha.

shit. you know who is very afraid of abandonment? not normies! but people with BORDERLINE PERSONALITY DISORDER.

shit. why CANT normies be afraid of abandonment???!?!?!?! abandonment SUCKS for anyone!

but i guess Borderlines are SO afraid of abandonment that they PUSH PEOPLE AWAY with their paranoid clinginess! and they get really clingy and obsessive, fall obessively in luv!

oh god that sounds like me.

well its not a pattern in ALL my relships. I dont do it with men.

also i never acted out against women really. i would be obsessed and clingy, but i kept it mostly to myself. like That Woman never knew how much I REALLY luved her. then she would have been REALLY scared hahahaha.

Rational Response: I never REALLY smothered women out of fear they would abandon me. I simply wanted her to hang out with me because I was concerned that she was avoiding hanging out with me. I wasnt texting her 100 times a day. At the height of texting, I was texting her once a day and took days off.