YOU ARE WRONG FOR WANTING TO RESPECT WOMEN. ITS NOT THEIR PLACE TO BE RESPECTED.

may 17

sheeeeeeeeeeeit

making 37k per year at 30 years old

theres a great search query. i WISH i were making normie chad bigoy bigbux of 37k per year at the young spring chicken age of 30 years old!

every day i try to say something simple to someone and sound like a tongue tied, low IQ IDIOT. thing is, i dont REALLY need to IMPRESS people. but i wonder if i ultimately am disappointing people who are like, welp, he hasn’t really impressed us yet. he seems kinda low energy, underachieving, and uncreative. content to be a brick in the wall. not an out of the box thinker by any means. certainly not the type of guy i would want my daughter to date. seems like a nice guy but he’s gotta learn it’s not enough to be nice. sometimes you gotta be ruthless to get what you want, or opportunities will pass you by.

that kind of shit.

well i dont worry about it TOO much. just try to get thru each day. did some more video stuff today. i actually like doing the video stuff. but the early videos are super rough as i learn the software, how to make a video, etc. just doing screen capture videos demonstrating how to do a task with some software.

it doesnt NEED to be fancy, you can make these videos very easily, and i wish they had done that at my old job, to TEACH the employees how to DO shit. videos are a great way to teach people how to do tasks with 600000000 little steps on a computer.

but yeah it still takes time for me. how do i do a freeze frame. how do i add this type of Annotation. what parts can i cut to make this shorter. timing of shit.

but it still looks like beginner shit. but i happen to be such a strong believer in The Pedagogical Power of videos. probably because i believe in the MYTH of learning styles and I am DELUDED into thinking I learn better with videos.

but I DO!!!! dont tell me how I feel hahahaha.

so maybe i dont actually learn better, but i THINK i learn better with videos, and that CONFIDENCE and peace of mind is real, and valuable!!!!!

i mean shit. when i had a ton of confusing complicated shit to learn, i WISH we had videos. that were 10% as well produced as the ones I make! I mean just record your screen, and record yourself talking as you explain what youre doing! DONE!

mother fookin sheeeeeit.

but yeah the world is a COMPETITIVE place, and you have to WIN to get ahead. if you are just average, you stay in the same place and eventually fall behind. you always need to be BETTER. and I guess I am OK at muh job but its a below avg job, and also im not as AWESOME and ELECTRIFYING as I hoped i would be. that i would be SO awesome that people would LUV me and say, here’s a secret job in this department, i’ll talk to the Director and make sure he hires you for 30k a year. done deal.

but the people are nice to me and dont hate me and I think most of them know I want a more substantial job with The Organization.

BEAUTIFUL day today, should go for longer powerwalk than 2.5 miles. i mean it is INSANE. its always far below avg or high above avg temp around here. and today it is super warm for mid may. would like every day of the year to be this NOICE.

its not like i was slacking today either! i felt i was honestly doing my best. i just wish my best were better! in high school and sometimes college i would get an A. measure me! grade me! metrics! scorecards!

i mean I get in 15 minutes early every day. i buy a tub of maxwell house coffee whenever we run out. i mean i drink 88% of the coffee hahaha. other people use the keurig. i should buy keurigs. well actually i only drink about 75% of the coffee! this other guy drinks at least one big cup a day, we usually get at least one client in a day who drinks a little bit, and sometimes another person will drink some. i mean i definitely drink 60% of it minimum tho. but i make 3 times less than the next lowest paid person!

oh yeah. i guess i wanted to ask WHY AH felt that the hapsburg austrian monarch was so anti-german and so pro-slav. why would they be anti-german? i though hapsburgs WERE german! austrian germans hahaha. but there was the threat of “czechization” from the czechs. I guess a hapsburg married a czech.

i guess we can say wherever there is a question of WHY…..its da jooz stupid hahahaha. but AH has not suggested the austrian parliament was compromised by literal joos. just that the Weltanschauung of Parliamentarianism is inherently kinda jooish, cowardly, and weak.

soooo…..why would austrian germans sell out to czechs? i luv the czechs, i dont want to blame them for ww1!!!!

german empire, https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/German_Empire , The German Empire (German: Deutsches Kaiserreich, officially Deutsches Reich)[5][6][7][8] was the historical German nation state[9] that existed from the unification of Germany in 1871 to the abdication of Kaiser Wilhelm II in 1918, when Germany became a federal republic.

By ziegelbrenner – own drawing/Source of Information: Putzger – Historischer Weltatlas, 89. Auflage, 1965, CC BY-SA 3.0, https://commons.wikimedia.org/w/index.php?curid=3387306

ok all this is pretty useful i guess but it still doesnt answer my question of WHY would austria/hapsburgs be at all anti-german? because they were Cucking to the Czechs by intermarrying with Czechs?

oh well. but fact is, AH felt they were anti-german and too czech-loving.

i mean fact is, this area of “central europe” was practically as bad as the goddamn balkans in terms of balkanization hahaha. but much hwyter because there were never any turkroaches.

i mean there were czechs and poles especially were probably the biggest problems for germans. tfw when you are largely a pole hahahaha but you luv AH and germans. but you luv poles and “western” slavs too. lechitic and czechitic hahaha.

i wish poles and germans could have just negotiated their boundaries peacefully like the hwyte gentlemen they are.

so who was The Bad Guy there?

Who was more jood?

I think there were a lot of joos in germany….but there was a SHITLOAD of joos in poland. god damn i hope im not related to any of them. i mean. honestly im much more likely to have a wee bit of german blood than any joo dna. thank GOD.

how much did germans intermarry with poles?

how good or bad is that? i mean i want them to get along….BUT…..do i want them to meld together like that? not really!

https://ispot.tv/a/wdyr

university of phoenix we can do it commercial

0h god heres a horrible new phoenix commercial

About University of Phoenix TV Commercial, ‘We Can Do IT’
When the factory she works in upgrades to automated machinery, this young mother decides to upgrade her skills with a degree from the University of Phoenix. With her kids and Rosie the Riveter encouraging her, she begins anew with a career in information technology.

i offer it without comment, just watch it and you know exactly what im gonna say!!!!

get training to use the next version of that machine. if you get an IT degree from u of phoenix you will just be taking angry clusterfook phone calls all day of people with broken machines or just dont know how to use them. and neither do you!

its funny you can get a job “helping” people who think their shit is broken but they really just dont know how to use it, when YOU dont know how to use it, and can’t tell if its broken or they dont know how to use it…and its your job to fix this clusterfook situation! and even your managers dont have phoenix IT degrees. you just wish you had a lot more training before being thrown to the wolves, because you cant handle this!!!!! you cant handle adult life!

if ZOG could make TRILLIONS of dollars on MJ TAX….wouldnt they have legalized it by now? so…..why havent they? because they COULDNT make a lot of money on tax? but how could they NOT! Wouldnt people GLADLY pay HUGE taxes on it?

i mean OF COURSE the tax money would be ALL WASTED on zog salaries, No Public Good would be done with the tax money, but i would still gladly pay it for legal MJ.

It would NEVER save schools or roads or infrastructure or health care or ANY of that. it would go right into beaureacrats pockets. but still.

may 18

having a gf/wife is just like having a KID. just another person to work for and be completely responsible for. an employee to manage. the worlds shittiest and most disloyal employee. the worlds shittiest and most disloyal kid. at least kids deep down they luv you and wont really abandon you. a deadbeat parent is more likely to abandon his kids, or a wife abandon her husband, than a kid is to abandon his parents.

i cant even handle the responsibilities of my own life. and i think i would prefer the responsibility of a kid over that of a wife. there is more potential reward, less potential risk. a kid isnt gonna intentionally ruin your life like a wife will hahahaha. wont BETRAY you like a wife will hahaha. yeah the kid may ruin your life but they wont MEAN it hahaha.

the joos love that i am thinking these horrible why even BOTHER type thoughts about wife and children.

i say, skip the wife and just go for children! and bang hot sluts all life long and raise your kids as a single father. use the most attractive, youngest sluts as your surrogates. then minimize their degen influence in the childs life afterwards. get sole custody.

no need for sexdolls and cuddledolls and artificial wombs! just use real women for these things.

mixed day at job. on one hand, had decent job related conversation with coworker where i showed i wasnt a complete idiot.

on the other hand, i worried about disappointing the same coworker because i panicked about a phone call later in the day and transferred it to him when i really should have taken more time to try to figure it out myself. i quickly apologized and showed i was aware of what i had done.

but i dont want him to think that the loser new guy doesnt have what it takes, cant handle the tough situations, not ready for prime time, not ready for a real 30k bigboy job, better go back to grad skool, college boy hahahaha, because you dont have the real skills needed to survive in the real world at real jobs have real tuff conversations and making real money of 30k a year!!!

and a whole ICEBERG of related Im Not Good Enough Thoughts!!!!!!!

and thinking, well, this is how i because the huge failure I am now. just not being good enough on enough things, enough tasks, day after day after day. many small disappointments compounding after the years, and then you’re a HUGE FAILURE.

real bad thoughts! think thoughts like this for years will guarantee that you become a huge failure! self fulfilling prophecy! or at least damn sure FEEL like one!

chris cornell K’ing himself. i mean he was successful. good job, children, handsome, didnt look like a drug addict. unless he was a degenerate doing auto erotic asphyxiation. but who does that at age 50? all the other medium profile “celebrities” who died of it like kill bill and inxs guy. but latter might have been despair-related suicide. sometimes its hard to tell i guess.

well i can say that chris cornell was handsome and had a good voice and i hope he was not too degen in his personal life. pretty shitty to do that to your CHILDREN though. not the type of thing the worlds greatest father does to his children.

but yeah i dont want to disappoint muh coworker. he is raising children to be successful. when his daughter gets her masters degree in a few years at age 23 she will be making like 60k when i cant even make 30k at age 33!

his son getting a stem degree and he will make 60k too! and have no trouble getting a wife and kids and supporting them!

how did HIS kids get so TUFF at HANDING THE REAL WORLD????

i mean really. i wish a whole year of high school was devoted to Handling Tough Phone Calls. The important thing is that you can not panic, remain calm, and win the confidence of the person. this should be a whole year of high school where you role play situations like this over and over and over and over and over and over again, until you can bullshit with the best of them.

i always feel like im MISSING something BASIC and FUNDAMENTAL that makes me DISABLED at doing the basic fundamentals of real adult life!

basically, i want nothing more than what this guy has: middle class job, making 55k a year, home in safe neighborhood, good looking wife, several smart good looking kids who are all going to Decent Colleges for Useful Degrees and who will PROBABLY turn out successful and themselves end up making more than 55k and not Lose at the War of Life.

i try not to gawk at the pictures of his beautiful family! where we can see that his late 40s wife is not a fat slob, and his children look happy, healthy, and NORMIE. and he himself is good and talking to people and HANDLING SHIT.

he is a smart guy, has good people skills, has a not super useful masters degree but still made it work. keeps himself in shape in his early/mid 50s, exercises, is not fat at all, gets on his kids cases for them to DO shit so they dont turn out losers like me hahahahahaha. so what does he think of a loser like ME that cant handle a PHONE CALL.

so thoughts like this can kinda ruin my day. if it wasnt that it would be something else, like i wasnt productive enough. although the phone call situation is worse, because it was an actual specific conversation/issue that i failed at pretty obviously.

i hate failing! but ive also gotten used to it. i guess i never hated it ENOUGH to work hard to STOP failing hahahah.

its like gambling and losing over and over and over and over and over again. which i also do hahaha. i am a losing gambler at the card table. it is partially being a bad gambler, and partially being unlucky.

and right now i am NEEDY for THAT WOMAN to cuddle with me and be luving to me and tell me im a big strong man who can handle all the adversities of life, and i will always be here to cuddle u and not leave you in the lurch.

hehehehe. of COURSE i know thats ridiculous. but its SO compelling and desirable. to want something SO BAD. its not the THING that’s so ridiculous, its the person I want it WITH.

NEEDY.

taake noregs vaapen. there must be something im not getting. how is this album not considered as boring as the previous, self titled album. this HAS to be a drum machine. HAS to be. and drum machines sound LIFELESS. compared to hsi first three albums, which is certainly a real drummer, and it sounds FULL of life.

see 1st song on NV. it sounds as lively as you can with a drum machine, because of hoests signature Interesting Catchy Riffs. ok fine.

but then the album stops being this catchy!

how can you NOT hear the difference IMMEDIATELY when you compare this to his first three albums?

oh thats not fair you say. well, lifes not fair. being an ARTIST isnt fair. he’s not being FORCED to make albums. this tells me he’s a DEGENERATE LAZY DRUNK on AUTOPILOT.

hahaha. well to go THAT far is a little unfair. ill always give him a chance. even when hes boring his aesthetic is good.

its kinda neat to hear some of his signature Weird Time Signature riffs with a drum machine.

and probably, the lack of Great Riffs is prob worse than having a drum machine.

but having a drum machine is just FOOLISH and NAIVE and INSULTING really.

http://www.metal-archives.com/reviews/Taake/Noregs_vaapen/313967/

no mentions of a drum machine. one guy thinks it sounds very similar to HD or NSPV, that you might ahve to double check which album you’re playing! wtf?!?!?!?! nope. WRONG.

all songs are midpaced 6 minute songs. all the songs song basically the same. it starts getting boring after 15 minutes which is NEVER a good sign. and the first 6 minute song is GOOD!

WOW bitcoin fees are SUPER high right now. I cant even SEND 10.15 with a .60 (USD) fee included because that fee is too small. the minimum recommended fee, in other words, is at LEAST 15 damn percent of the amount I want to send! so, in other words, 11.50 to send 10 dollars!

hmm. at 8.88 i am only pay at 10% fee. but trying to send 9.50 i’m paying like a 15% fee. it all has to do with the BYTES of the transaction….which this is not a linear progression as the amount goes up.

JUST TELL ME WHERE THE LOWEST PERCENTAGE FEE IS.

in other words, its a better value to send 8.88 than it is to send 8.90. literally. right around there, the fee-as-a-percentage-of-total-transaction SPIKES EXPONENTIALLY.

and price of btc is NOT crashing, in fact, its still at an ALL TIME HIGH.

had to do a 2.8 mile powerwalk and listen to some vapaudenristi to get muh mood up. felt like such a pathetic failure loser after my disappointing performance today. its like i LIKE losing, or INTEND to lose. I HATE disappointing people, and myself. and i’m certainly not consciously slacking off. i just get a person on the phone and I PANIC like a DEER IN HEADLIGHTS.

i guess the important part is that I LEARN from this and not let it happen EVER AGAIN hahaha.

yeah well in sports you get 3 strikes and youre out. but then you get to come BACK, many times per game. getting OUT is not really a big deal in the grand scheme of things.

this would be like you are only allowed like ONE STRIKE per entire baseball SEASON.

yeah but this ISNT baseball. it baseball getting many strikes per game is NORMAL. HERE, in the real world, getting more than 1 strike per….3 months? 6 months? is really really BAD.

but WHY?

jooz.

its not like it was the END OF THE WORLD. so this guy takes a phone call. i listened with him on speakerphone and also talked to the guy at the same time.

also, maybe this coworker gets too easily annoyed by stuff that he shouldnt get annoyed by. sometimes, yes. other times, he is perfectly chill and relaxed. maybe he is BIPOLAR hahahaha.

then i am JELLY he  can be bipolar and be a HIGH FUNCTIONING member of society.

like, better to be a raging alcoholic and functional and make 50k a year, rather than a sober person making 10k a year and NOT being functional hahahaha.

i dont have that woman to help boost me up. instead in my head came visions of The Hakenkreuz, and The Fuhrer standing proudly and courageously. those were the images that gave me some hope and strength. when in the past I might have thought of that woman’s smiling face, or some people think of images of jesus or mary. now im here powerwalking and imagining hister and the crooked cross hahahaha.

really WHATEVER WORKS i guess.

its just weird. most people thing of these things as evil and chilling. and now i am kinda treating them as MUH NEW GOD. The old god wasnt good enough so i got a new one hahaha. and his name is hister and his symbol is the Hooked Cross.

when AH was my age he had already accomplished quite a lot right? i think he was literally writing MK when he was about the same age I am now. so it makes sense that I should read MK at this age hahahaha.

I was talking to a colleague in a neighboring department about books and almost said I was reading MK. and then what would I say? shieeeeet.

i mean honestly. lots of people have interest in ww2 and the natzees and hister hahahaha. its not THAT weird.

took 1 benedryl but dont think i will take any more.

i should really make an effort to go see classic movies at The Movie Theater. even if i have to drive into the City to do so. like movies from the 40s and 50s, before the joos were too mean spirited and degen, and a joo could still make a not unwatchably degenerate movie.

https://bbs.dailystormer.com/t/soundgarden-lead-singer-chris-cornell-sucked-into-black-hole-sun-in-the-middle-of-a-concert/107273

DS is my #1 news source for all types of news hahahahaha

ok so cornell was possibly 50% joo. white father and mother “came from a jooish family.” so, cornell is 25-50% j.

ok this is not confirmed hehehe.

Anglin QUOTE How many men under 35 do you know who are happily married with kids? Even if you know several – and statistically, the probability is that you do not – most people do not know anyone in such a situation. So claiming this is because “men are all defective and just need to be better” is just about the stupidest f00king thing I’ve ever heard. Nuremberg trial-tier horseshit. END

source

https://bbs.dailystormer.com/t/how-mgtow-has-ruined-ds-message-to-the-younger-crowd/107390/10

i liked the OP and AA seems to be disagreein with OP. but this is a great point. i know several people OVER 35 with nice families, like the work colleagues, but they are all in their 50s.

i know one guy who is about 36 and has 2 young kids and he is one of the greatest guys i have ever met. I don’t know much about how he gets along with his wife though. they have been married for like 10 years tho. she seems ok.

i know another guy who is about 35 and has 1 kid and i hope he has more.

but again, i dont know details of how these guys marriages are. maybe their wives have TURNED on them and are looking to DIVORCE them. which would be TERRIBLE because these are both GREAT men who only a TRAITOROUS BITCH would divorce.

another guy quote: If you date, make sure you’ve known the woman for months beforehand. I will tell you that being friends with a woman will likely make you hate them more. They are shit friends and do horrible things.  END

hehehehehehehe

as a man, i LIKE those who I RESPECT. and its almost unnatural to respect a WOMAN. Men respect things like morality, honor, loyalty – all things that just do not matter to women at all. they’re not made for it, you cant expect it out of them, therefore you should never expect to really RESPECT a woman. i mean do you RESPECT your CHILDREN? u luv and protect your children, and are hopefully proud of them, but it’s just not appropriate to really “respect” your own children.

so STOP TRYING TO RESPECT WOMEN! you will only be disappointed! its about as IRRELEVANT, MISGUIDED, and CONFUSED as wanting to respect your children. it’s just NOT THEIR PLACE TO BE RESPECTED.

YOU are wrong for WANTING to respect them!

basically, in their inner natures, women are IMPOSSIBLE to like, and IMPOSSIBLE to respect, because the things that men like and respect, women don’t have, women CANT have them, women SHOULDNT have them, because they are jsut not capable of them.

and im just kinda buttmad that what women NATURALLY are, by nature or GOD, is something that men CANNOT like. because I WANT to like women.

but i guess thats my big mistake!

it is much better, healthier to LIKE hister and the hookcross than to LIKE women.

i wish women WERE likable!

but i SHOULDNT! thats WRONG of me!

so how you get rid of a WANT. of a DESIRE. its like WANTING something wrong or bad, like WANTING to use drugs and get fooked up on fentanyl hahahaha.

thats what WANTING to like and respect women is like. like a disgusting, pathetic alcoholic just wanting to get drunk again.

dont put the pvssy on a pedestal, put the fuhrer on a pedestal

hahahaha

if you Treat Women Right, they dump you and fook negros and rapeugees. PERIOD.

DO NOT TREAT WOMEN WELL hehehe. but you dont need to ABUSE them. per se. just dont treat them WELL.

ok so its fine to LIKE women who are over 50. ive stated that before. but i guarantee you would have HATED them when they were 20-49! and at every age in that 29 year range they are hatable in a different way!

the young ones because they are off fooking chads, at all ages really; and as they get closer to 30, they get more crazy with baby rabies and wedding rabies; then in 30s they get different crazy with divorce rabies and hypergamy rabies. thinking they are hotter and younger than they are.

the mother fooking WQ. like AA says, you prob dont know anyone who had their life DIRECTLY ruined by a J (but really we have all had our lives indirectly ruined by the horrible J culture and world!!!!) but you prob know SEVERAL people who have been royally skrewed by WOMEN.

WOMEN is one of THE major ways that the joo hurts us. they also hurt us thru SCHOOL and WORK and the Culture, but with women, it’s one on one shit, its PERSONAL!!! the women reaching into your chest and tear out your still beating heart in a way that these other jooish institutions dont, they just slowly rot your soul from the inside hahahaha.

 

 

 

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IT IS LIKE LOSING A CHILD

make sure the apr 15 post is done

sept 9

sheeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeit.

ok took some nyquil, full 30 mL, at 6.15pm.

i just wanted to know what she wanted me to take away from this. in other words, did she WANT to hurt me? yes or no? And that I can’t tell. well at least i can say i didn’t deserve fookin painful revenge like that. but i want to know if she wanted to hurt me or not. normal people dont want to hurt anyone.

once again, the simplest explanation is the best: she didnt REALLY WANT to hurt me, but she just took the path of least resistance. least resistance. we already knew she didnt like trying or putting in effort.

heh. did you WANT to HURT me? the only time i ever wanted to hurt anyone was when some gurl totally broke my heart and then went on to enjoy her life of being a carefree fun luving slut, and i still sorta saw them sometimes. i wanted them to feel a little bit of the pain i was feeling, to be more remorseful for breaking muh heart. i wanted whatever chad THEY luved, to break THEIR heart.

yeah i guess i felt that for her too. but it was never really strong hate or anything. just sadness and disappointment and oh god my life is over. i didnt want to K myself but I did feel there was nothing to live for hahahahaha. one of the most important people in muh life was gone forever.

the other day i was watching die hard 1 on tv and i was like sheeeeeeeeeeeit its SHAMEFUL that I never really sat down and watched this all the way thru, because this is a CLASSIC that I can TOTALLY understand how people have watched it HUNDREDS of times and is their favorite Action Thriller of All Time. People have seen it 100s of times, can recite every line, every movement, and I totally see why. yet i had never even seen it ONCE.  i mean i had seen bits and pieces of course. but the whole movie beginning to end? nope. and that is a SHAME. that is SAD.

of course it is totally the type of movie i would luv to watch while cuddling with a waifu. like that woman. do i want to cuddle and watch die hard with this woman? or am i indifferent? i better not be!

sept 10

hmm i am wondering if i should officially lower my price to 12 dollars an hour hahahaha. probably yes.

heh. i think nyquil on friday is much better than nyquil on saturday. because now i will be ready to Job Search like a maniac on monday hahahaha.

hmmm i didnt realize nick caves 15 year old son had died and that is basically the reason for his harrowing new album “skeleton tree”. i was fortunate enough to see cave live in 2014 and that was just wonderful, awesome, unforgettable, very special, type of thing you ideally want to share with someone special although i was more than happy to go alone hahahaha. i was pretty indisposed during 2015 and didnt even know his son had died. basically tripping on ACID and he fell off a CLIFF. jeez.

of course he is very private and was not giving interviews, just had this album and an accompanying movie, and i guess both are really intense, as you might imagine. yeah that is really tragic. yeah that will take a few years to get over yikes. supposedly caves father dying when he (nick) was 19 had a YUGE impact on his life, and i have no doubt this will also have a huge impact on him. lot of pain and grief and loss to deal with. but at least he has an attractive faithful wife for the past 17 years hahahahahahahahaha.

i dunno. nick cave is just a great one of a kind guy, and he doesnt need any more grief. but i wish he gave like regular sermons on morality so i could ascertain exactly how degenerate he is hahahahaha. because i suspect he is quite nondegenerate. although he prob was back in his youth. drugs and sluts and shit. but now he is deep and good and possibly religious!

and yeah the concert was fantastic, him as a 57 year old man, didnt matter, whole band (seeds) was electrifying. totally awesome. glad to have been privileged to see that show. definite bucket list shit there. for sure. probably wont ever see them again. but really should if i get the chance.

heh. it is kind of like me losing HER. that is how pure and giving muh love was. totally unconditional. like the love you have for your child. and then they are just ripped out of your life one day. like cave says, you are changed whether you like it or not. you are instantly a different person. you dont even know how to relate to yourself any more. we dont like change, which is fine, but what do you do when life changes you instantly and permanently? you are in a state of confusion, and I guess this new album captures this confusion and uncertainty very well. he is just LOST.

and you just cant replace your son the way you replace lovers. oh youll find someone better. oh i guess it wasnt meant to be. nope. never gonna happen here. you just have to live with that Huge Hole In Your Heart and Life.

so maybe I should listen to this album, maybe it could help me hahahaha.

album

and its less than 40 minutes, not some 80 minute bloated monstrosity, even better.

movie trailer. i guess a lot of it was filming shortly after his son died. YIKES. INTENSE GRIEF AND PAIN.

but yeah that is totally how i would describe my loss hahahahahah. when you get dumped people tell you to get over it and she wasnt the one and oh well guess it wasnt meant to be. well instead, show them this film and when they are Numb and Crying at the end, see if they would say that shit to you hahahahaha.

so yeah thank u nick cave for explaining to the world that MY grief and loss is like Losing A Child, hehehehehehe.

so you say thats inappropriate, you can never luv your waifu like you luv your child.

well i say who are you to say that. i say ok fine its not exactly, but it is much more similar than you think! unconditional, abiding, long lasting, it never truly dies, its there thru thick and thin, good times and bad. its not some passing phase, cant be replaced.

you have this numb and confused look on your face like nick cave hehehehe. but you are not numb all the time. sometimes youre numb, many times you are confused and sad and devastated and dont know how youre going to adapt to this Big Life Change. when someone is such a big part of your life, than when they leave, YOU CHANGE.  IT CHANGES YOU and you didnt WANT to be changed like this.

now, all the people that have lost children are gonna be offended. ok fine. i guess losing your waifu is not AS bad. but it’s CLOSER to losing a child, than it is to losing some meaningless, forgettable, disposable, replaceable piece of meat on the carousel of meat. its not some passing phase.

dont tell me she was just a disposable replaceable piece of meat to me by saying i should get over her quickly!

of course i would like her to feel that i was important to her too.

i think i was for a while…..but then that ended. it was just a phase hahahaha. she didnt luv me like she would luv her child. of course, many women can make excuses to K their own children! i cant even fathom!

https://bu.reddit.com/r/relationships/comments/5213un/my26f_ex28m_ghosted_and_now_is_happy_with_someone/

https://bu.reddit.com/r/ExNoContact

heh i wish she DID give me “BREADCRUMBS!” because that would mean she still cared, and maybe there was a CHANCE, and would let me bang her HARD, and that would prob be enough to make her fall in luv with me! breadcrumbs means shes giving you a CHANCE, WILLING to talk or hang out or do SOMETHING!

MANY normies just dont understand No Contact. when we autists try no contact, THEY contact US and be like oh i havent talked to you in a while.

i guess i was just kinda shocked to see that she was so willing to do no contact as well.

lots of guys threaten to K themselves too. dont leave me or ill K muh self! this is about the worst thing you could do, it makes you the bad guy, an abuser, a manipulator, a sneaky pathetic little J. I am SO glad I never did that. It’s about on par with stalking in the Creeper Checklist.

I mean I don’t think these things are so creepy, i mean you are just expressing the intense pain you are feeling!

i mean when you are being dumped you cant think straight! you can’t really intentionally manipulate someone!!!! you just act reflexively! you make nothing but impaired decisions on anything! your mind is completely fooked up! sheeeit you might just K yourself! right in front of her hahahaha. but you probably wouldnt hurt her hehehehe.

anyway i am SO GLAD that the creepiest thing I did was just write an email. Begging for communication. really that wasnt creepy AT ALL. so I am grateful for that. I could have been a LOT creepier. but instead I was well behaved and wasnt creepy at ALL.

i was pathetic sure. beeta. omeega. please respond. please dont throw me away like a piece of garbage. please try to be a little nicer to me, please dignify our friendship and tell me i meant anything to you and that you dont WANT to hurt me. acknowledge muh pain please. please end this better.

but no stalking, no threats hahahaha. i mean i had some “dark thoughts” sure. thank GOD I dont get those any more!

was in church and there was like an 18 year old gurl at the oldest a few rows ahead of me. she was kinda chubby and potatoey but she had a very cute nice face and hair and this honestly nullified all the potatoeyness. she was there with her father who himself was pretty soft and potatoey but seemed like a nice guy. i hope she doesnt become a slut. i thought about Asking Her Out in the middle of church, or maybe asking her father. for permission to date his 17 year old daughter hahahahaha. GREAT.

but yeah theres the Protector and Provider sense.  in a way you are like their new father, and they are like your child that you protect and provide for. so thats partially why its like losing a child. a child that you fook hard like some kind of porno slut hahahahaha.

no contact. WOMEN, never fook or suck a man unless it would take you two full years of No Contact to Get Over Him. thats how serious you must be about the man.

went for 2.8 mile powerwalk, listened to that new nick cave album, not really a fun listen, there are no real song type songs on it, really just kinda like poems with atmospheric ambient background music, like his previous album pushed towards that extreme. no catchy hit songs.

 

hehehehehehe

lot of good stuff here, i know his feels all too well, except he is younger and has more experience and is gonna have a sweet engin degree soon hhahahaah.

 

TAKE ONE FOR THE TEAM AND HANG OUT WITH ME ONCE IN 10 MONTHS

may 10

1000 calories,  7.07 miles (at various speeds and various inclines), 136 minutes.

kind of a long time, i am very jelly of the people who can burn 1000 calories in 1 hour. i have seen a few.  but that was my goal yesterday. rather than going a straight 130 minutes, I just decided to say fook the time and go until I reach 1000 calories. broke it up into 3 parts. first part did a 2.5 mile Slow Jog. with some walking. to get to 400 calories. then next portion was focused on doing huge incline, up to max of 15%. getting 300 calories there. then took a small break to go to bathroom and drink water. then cam back and did last 300 cals at very relaxed pace. so basically, 700, then a break, then 300.

for the first 700 listened to music, then on 300 listened to white racist fatherhood podcast.  best show ever. did I mention I made a donation to TRS hahahahah pat myself on the back publicly.

so it was 3 portions:

  1. 400 cals, 3.14 miles, 47 minutes. involved 2.5 miles of Slow Jogging hahaha. prepping or muh 5k haha.

2. 300 cals, 1.62 miles, 39 minutes. attached to portion 1. ramped up eventually to 15%, speed was pretty slow.

3. took break. came back. did 300 calories, 2.31 mile, 50 minutes. much lower incline. tried to “relax.”

well i neeted it up at the interview, and important to note this was for an Eligibility Pool, not a specific job, so…. hehehe so hard to make money in this world. just want to not be a neet skell hahahaha.

Civil Cases and Debt cases sometimes dont go to trial but get outsourced to an outside ARBITRATION service who then makes the ruling on who owes what.

I just want a civil court arbitration that that woman treated me less than respectfully, and therefore owes me an apology, and some respect. hahahaha. basically to have someone back me up and say, you’re right, this isn’t right, you dont deserve this, this is no way to treat a person, she fooked up, and you didnt do anything wrong.

this is the problem when somebody dumps you in this way. either they’re fooked up, or you’re a monster who deserves this. And I REALLY dont want to be a monster. I’d rather her be a huge chickenshit coward avoider. well at least I think that option is becoming more clear.

when a bitch accuses you of being CLINGY or NEEDY, just mansplain to them, no im not clingy, thats what love IS. I just have stronger feelings for you than you have for me, so to you it LOOKS LIKE needy. when you loved a guy more than he loved you, you looked 9000000000 times worse than this. now bend over and take my c0ck up your ass 90000000000 times, you filthy wh0re, and that will make me like you less and hate you more and then i will be less needy hahahahahalol. then you can find some other f4gg0t fool to NEED your used up ass. bet youll feel great when you are 35 and no one NEEDS you except your ingrate bastard mud baby and your cats. and they cant fook you hard like a real man can hahahaha.

had dream I was hanging out with one of my previous female friends who was a fairly attractive young woman. but she was always dating other guys and I never really wanted to date her. we just hung out and got along pretty well. but I never got conflicted over her. although in the dream I had just spent a fun day with her and then at the end of it we started cuddling and I think Making Out. and I thought, well this isnt nearly as weird as I feared it might be.

so that means, I PROBABLY could have gotten more than friends feelings for her too if I had tried, hahaha. but I never did. Anyway we drifted apart very amicably and I have no hard feelings towards her. I kinda feel she would be a big handful to Date though. like Unchill and crazy, been with too many guys, too crazy, etc. but as a friend she was just fine. But I still think That Woman would have been a much better GF. she hadnt been with as many guys and was more innocent. but in the end…..who treated me better?????? the “slut!” hahahaha. Not that I like to think of that prior female friend as “A Slut.” even if she might have been. she also got into long term rels with guys.

i never wanted to date her and never Got Feelings. but this dream showed me that maybe I could have, in an alternate universe. prob one where we spent even more time together, and where she was blatantly single. she was single/available like less than 1% of the time I knew her.

I am single/available 99.999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999% of my entire life, hahahahaha.

well better than 100% hahaha.

good god. send resume to “IT REcruiter” for an “asset coordinator” position which i dont even know what that is, but it didnt sound like a call center, and the guy calls me within 30 minutes. I did not answer, let it go to voice mail. he said he was EXTREMELY INTERESTED in talking to me hahahahaha. god damn aggressive recruiters. I wish the companies could be as aggressive. then they would actually hire people. thats how recruiters work, thats how they find people. they just YOUR HIRED! to anybody and then send these schmucks to the company. perhaps the recruiter actually takes the time to look at the resumes while the company just hires anyone who comes in for an interview. i honestly dont know how this is sustainable. and i hate everything related to “IT”.

or apply for an autistic children behavior tech using simply apply on indeed and get a direct email from the person at the clinic, asking me to fill out this application doc file and send it back. just a shitty ass form on a doc file that is gonna contain all the information on my linkedin and indeed pages which was included with my original submission.

sheeeeit. back to spraying out applications hahahaha. i still wish that woman would “come to her senses” and apologize to me. shit. its just gonna take a damn year to get over, actually probably more.

was I really THAT bad? I dont think I was THAT bad. damn. So I was annoying. give me a little benefit of the doubt. I wasnt some random guy. just TRY. not try to luv me, but TRY to see it from my perspective and TRY to give me a tiny bit of good will. im not trying to hurt you. im not trying to fook up our friendship. but this just happened. what would you do if your BF was HORRIFIED and DISGUSTED when you were honest about how you liked him, and he reacted like this, instead of dating you in a marriage like relship for 5 long years?

hey I lost something and someone important to ME. itd be NICE if you acted like i was important to you too.

of COURSE me getting feelings complicates shit. but i knew when I was your age that you cant hold feelings back. and you shouldnt hate people for getting feelings.

but yeah she was a big deal in my life and i still havent filled that void yet. maybe if i were working a lot. or even a little. that would def help. leaving the job ALSO caused a big void. so now I have TWO BIG VOIDS and that is a lot.

I think if I were just working I could focus on that, worry about that, maybe become a degen MJ smoker again, maybe 3 solid months of chronic MJ use would help me make some progress in getting over her. i mean thats all that she does. smoke tones of MJ every day and forget everything. I wouldnt mind forgetting HER.

oh but i would be using drugs to block shit out. NO, i would be using drugs to erase or delete memories. big difference.

not block, but erase. destroy. dispose of. annihilate. delete forever. its the closest thing to never meeting her. as if she never existed. that would be great. where mah weed at.

nietzsche wearing trump hat.png hahahahahaha

i dont give a shit if it IS degenerate. if it helps me get over this woman, then i’ll take it. obviously dont want to be doing it for like more than 6 months.

hey i mean I cant deal with the Feelings any MORE. there’s nothing more left. it’s just replaying of all the old shit. it’s all been played out. it just stays there like the stench of smoke or cat piss in a house. lingers, serving no god damn purpose whatsoever.

may 11

had dream featuring woman4 aka woman2005B? she had a sense of SEcsual Innocence which I looked for and found in other women too. However she saw me at my drunken worst too much and was kind of annoyed by me hahahaha. plus I was too much of a pvssy to really hang out with her one on one. which come on. you really need to do that. but I was young, I was drinking a lot, I had gotten dumped by woman3 and was upset about that, and I was trying to get back together with woman2 but she wanted to be Just Friends, so my confidence was at another big low, which caused me to act like an idiot around woman4, who I remained in luv with for far too long. I think I was over her within 3 years tho hahahahaha.

heh. its weird. I havent had any success with women since I stopped drinking hahaha. 6 years ago….i mean 7. however I would get so falling down drunk that that didnt help me with women either.  like holy shit he is the drunkest one here kind of drunk. not lets all get tipsy together. well, I used to be able to do that back in the day, and that was legit fun, and that maybe DID help me with woman2 and woman3. in 2004 and 2005 hahaha.

wow 302 days since i last talked to That Person. and it feels just like yesterday hahahaha. I like to think in terms of 100%, multiples of 100, 100 days, 200 days, 300 days, 400 days, so hitting the 300 day mark is significant. def have made some progress but just want to make it to the 400 day mark, which I think will be better. 100 and 200 were nothing. meant nothing. who cares. no big change there.

anyway what happened in the dream with woman2005B. uhh I think we were at a party and I might have been getting drunk and embarrassing myself in front of her. also I was trying to spy on her to see how she reacted to these douchebag guys hitting on her. she did not appear to be having a lot of fun and went to sleep in a room in the back. I saw her sleeping there alone. I guess there was no guarantee she hadnt had casual sex with every guy there but me, but it really didnt seem like it. the next day people were eating breakfast and I tried being nice to her and apologizing for being a drunken fool? Cant really remember.

but yeah being a drunken fool is never a good move with women, and neither is apologizing like a little bitch.

hehehe the worst thing you can do after being ANNOYING to a woman, is to APOLOGIZE to her for it.

in fact i dont even know the best thing you can do. pretend like it never happened? be cool, stay away from the woman for a while? then she’ll prob just forget about you totally. i am tempted to say that being annoying is the worst thing you can do in the first place, cuz its one strike and youre out, you cant bounce back from that ever, you might as well pack it in immediately, YOURE DONE.

it doesnt matter if youve been married for 20 years or you just met the woman hahahaha. be annoying ONCE and youre the bad guy who ruined the rel and pushed her away.

hhahahaha ok i am exagerrateing as i sometimes do. magnifying. going to extremes. of course if youre married for 20 years, your wife might show you more loyalty and luv and not give up on you after one strike. you might get the full 3 strikes. leave the toilet seat up 3 times over 3 years and youre divorced hahahaha. its not like the points come off your record in 6 months.

anyway woman4 was a lot more emotionally stable than me hahahaha. she got a decent job and really she just needs to get her masters degree already, I dont know why she put that off. Of course I liked that about her! but shes so focused on her social justice career that its foolish of her NOT to get a stupid social justice masters degree already. in international poverty alleviation or some shit. or some really sjwy law degree would also be good for her.

she could have well been asexual or a lesbo. well she was too cute and feminine to be a lesbo. but she would prob be very nervous about secs and embarrassed to talk about it publicly…….as all women SHOULD be! so I liked that about her.

in an alternate universe i would have just gotten married to her when I was 22 and she was 21 hahaha. and i would have not been drinking or acting a fool. oh i realize the error of my evil ways.

i kinda acted a fool with That Woman…..but it was still very different. there was no drunkenness. just annoying pushiness. but I hung out with her one on one quite a bit, which I never did with with woman4, and had enough courage to ask her to hang out at least hahaha. also i was never really actual friends with woman4. we never hung out or texted or talked or had a real rel of any kind, the way I did with That Woman.

but yeah I would luv to use degen MJ for like 3 months or 100 days hahahaha to see if that helps erase that woman from my mind. but got to get job first hehe.

so should i call this IT recruiter back about the asset coordinator job? PROBABLY.

its all about DOING THE REPS. you might not be in the best mood, or be super confident, not at the top of your game, but you get down to work and do the reps anyway. do something rather tahn nothing.

also I wanted to make it perfectly clear that I was NOT looking to her to give me support for my Despair Disorder. That is my cross to bear alone hahahaha. I was, however, looking for the kind of general Loving Moral Support which a Special Woman wilfully provides to her Lover. The Tender Mercies and all that. the warmth and cuddles and all that. which I think is legit, reasonable. But I was not asking her to be my Shrink and Save Me From Myself. I know a lot of Despair people do this and it understandably overwhelms the partner, pushes them away.

Nope I wasnt doing that at all. I was just asking for someone to spend time with me and give me luv and cuddles hahaha. not emotionally manipulate with my own despair. what a womanly thing to do hahahaha. im gonns suddenly shut down because I have despair disorder and you are gonna be at the mercy of muh moods. NOPE. i didnt do ANY of that.

however I do firmly believe that general luv and cuddles would have generally increased my confidence and power and probably made me generally less depairing.

see her confidence was not diminished at ALL. getting rid of me was just getting rid of a problem. it was a weight lifted and her life could get better. for me it was a big loss, like a death, leaving a huge void, and also I have two huge voids, one in muh personal life, another in my working life, and have greatly weakened confidence in both those areas. where she has much greater confidence in both those areas. hehehehe. winning lifes struggles is a lot easier when you have CONFIDENCE. and jobless loveless neet virgin losers dont have much confidence at all.

the worst thing I wanted was her to support muh confidence. but she didnt really need to DO anything to do that other than hang out with me and not be cold and distant to me. very low bar. when things were going good with her, i was pretty confident.

but when things went REALLY bad with her, my confidence went into the crapper. what i’m saying, is they didn’t have to go SO badly, and maybe if they hadn’t, my confidence would be higher now, which would make my current struggles less difficult.

in other words, it wasnt draining or too much effort for her to build up my confidence. she just needed to sit there and smile hahaha.

but it also wouldnt have been THAT much effort for her to PREVENT the hugeass CRASH in my confidence.

of course, the OBVIOUS lesson here is, don’t chain your self confidence to SOMEBODY ELSE, PERIOD.

so yeah its always been hard for me to not associate my self confidence with How Women View Me.

When Women view me favorably, I have decent confidence.

When women view me unfavorably and abandon me, I have very low confidence.

Once I get over those rejections and women have no opinion of me…..uh i have average-for-me confidence and a pretty pessimistic view of women hahahah.

but for like at least a year after a big rejection, my confidence is impacted. adversely.

basically women reject me and become way more successful than me at life hahaha. I have never been rejected by a woman who did not move on to become WAY more successful and make WAY more money than me, regardless of the age difference. 4, 8 years younger than me, they still make more money than me in the current year.

shit coming up on the 3 year anniversary of this Blog. so i was trying to get over the rejection of woman2012 still. I had met That Woman about 6 months before starting this blog. however since me and her never made it to 3 years (only 2.7 hahahahah), then yeah technically this blog is Older. so I see that as a good thing. My ROCK to get me through. something truly long term hahaha.

in late 2012 i was getting attention for my old blog and getting pretty interested in The Movement hahaha. I still am very interested in the movement, but I don’t want to be a public face for the movement, because my emotional instability and neetness makes the movement look bad, and they don’t need that. and i dont want to do that to them, however unintentionally.

I got rejected by woman2012 around that time. I met That Woman around that time. there really was a lot going on! i was working my littleboy job, i bought muh first laptop computer, I visited muh friend in las vegas and rode on a plane. racist on a plane hahahahaha. I remember I listened to some Dr Pierce on the plane.

so rejected in october 2012, i recall I was kind of upset about that, such that I was still upset in may 2013 and started this blog. but in hindsight what i am going through now is 90000000 times worse. I didnt start a new blog but god damn I have a huge buffer of posts hahahaha to keep this blog going for another 6 months even if i stop writing today. which i wont hahahaha.

and obviously i have been talking about mainly that even since it happened! HER! that person and the tragic end of our rel.

she cant deny that it was a relship of sorts. it wasnt a secsy rel but it was a close friendship! she cant deny that. an impartial arbitration firm would prove that. because we had intimate conversations. not surprising that i, having a taste of Intimacy, wanted a little bit more. I didnt expect her to give it to me, but i DID expect that we would bla bla bla communicate about it.

see? dead horse, stale farts, im just feeling the same feelings over and over and over again, running in circles, and this is what I want the MJ for. to erase the mind. there is nothing left for me to learn here. there wasnt much to learn in the first place.

really the PAIN per se is not terrible, but the general lack of confidence is the big problem atm.  im half the man i used to be hahahaha. actually way less than that hahahaa. a 1488th of the man i used to be.  i have absolutely lost my mojo or groove or chutzpah or spark or whatever. not that I had a lot to begin with!

oh no MW is in a state of despair. I think he is just on the verge of a despair mode, after he has experienced some success in life at long last which lifted him out of years of despair.

IMHO what he needs is a real life support system, ideally a 3DPD waifu to cuddle with. or im just saying that because thats what I really want hahaha. did MW have a falling out with adam wallace or something? people saying theres a “split” in the alt right? the alt right is all over the place anyway. was adam wallace speaking out against “the 1488 crowd?” I dont want to put words in adam wallace’s mouth, he seems like a good guy but definitely more arrogant than MW. indeed MW has so much self doubt that it is harmful to him.

now he’s transformed from a neet to a guy who makes 400 dollars a month hahhaha on donations (more than I make!!!!) and he makes very nice videos, and works really hard, too hard IMHO, he is burning out a little.

how does one “PUT IN THE REPS” without BURNING OUT?

well you just go through the emotions and half ass things and hope you are not Found Out and Fired!

or, you half ass things every other day. on Valium Day.

i dunno some jobs you cant do that though, because everything is measured, everything factors into the metrics, so you have to be on point producing high quality and high quantity with no half assing. even when the manager is out, they still see the numbers and the reports regarding your work and its quality and quantity.

well now I have an interview with the post office. city carrier assitant job, 16 bucks an hour, non career position, no guarantee of hours. they just emailed here saying be here at this time 5 days from now, NO RESCHEDULES.

i wonder if post office gives random drug tests. i mean I would probably be driving the little mail truck and delivering to houses. assuming I dont sound autistic during the interview.

well this is the post office downtown for the interview. I hear that post office is 99% nonwhite hahaha. they smoke blunts all day and think whitey is uptight hahaha.

well…. yeah i mean because nothing government agencies do makes any sense. nothing in Regular Companies makes sense either, until you think….this is being done to cut costs. of course even that is done incompetently, remember? so they lose money in the LONG RUN. well, govt is even MORE incompetent, which might be GOOD because it allows me to really COAST and not try hahahahaha.

but yeah I hear this post office is in a real Ghetto area of town where people get shot and robbed just a few blocks away hahaha great. I mean this is a Ghetto City that does not have a great reputation in general.

yeah I know its politically incorrect to say ghetto in reference to poor blacks. but I am somewhat thankful to grow up near a truly Ghetto City, so that I could become Redpilled On Race hahahaha.

of course now middle class white hipsters are moving into the city after college trying to Uplift it and show the evil white flight racists that they are racists for abandoning the city hahahaaha. i thought you were supposed to get more redpilled after you left college and started working in the real world. nope not necessarily. many of 28 year old self-loathing whites trying to uplift ghetto neighborhoods hahaha.

abandoning a city eh, is that like abandoning a person hahaha. maybe what I did to her is the equivalent of a city becoming a violent black ghetto hahahaha.

seventh son makes his first appearance on the fatherland

ie seventh son is one of the big founders of TRS, showing some favor to the underlings here.

https://radio.therightstuff.biz/2016/05/11/the-fatherland-episode-26-svenpai-notice-me/

so, a big episode for the fatherland in other words. well its a great show tbhfam. really gets to the meaning of the 14 words.

horry sheet MW replied to my comment on his vidya and said thank you to ME. ssssssempai nnnnnoticed me!!!!!!!

so that legitimates my whole blog and life hahahaha. bring in a screen shot of that to all job interviews hahahaha. see this neet alt right youtuber nnnnoticed me hahaha now hire me.

 

hehehehe is it bad that I havent listened to MW regularly in at least 3 or 4 months, and only heard about this despair video on a post on TRS forum, which I also have scaled way back on?

2016-05-11_18h18_15

yeah its a shitty comment and I deleted it like 2 times only to come back with a shitty low effort comment, but I figure it was a case of something shitty was better than nothing hahaha. and now i really get to PAT MYSELF ON THE BACK for morally supporting a good guy hahahahaha.

just like I PAT MYSELF ON THE BACK for donating $6.75 to TRS, even though other men donate $14.88 every single week.

and peter steele says, dont pat yourself on the back for doing works of charity, do something good for someone, and then NEVER TELL ANYONE ABOUT IT.

ok I see their point, and this isn’t a bad thing to do.

I just think its ok to pat yourself on the back once in a while, especially when you dont get a lot of pats on the back IRL from others.

and besides, TRS and MW are truly good causes. not a lot of overhead your money can be wasted on, also no tax benefit for the donator.

i am sure at some point in the future I will do something nice for somebody and not brag about it hahaha.  but I am simply not that secure yet. let me get some good feelies out of this at least! its like I get to cuddle with 3dpd aryan innocent waifu to boost my morale that way!

its either bragging about charity or smoking MJ. which is more degen hahahahaha.

anyway i should go for a little powerwalk outside.

ok did that, burned 410 calories? not bad. didnt even jog once, got some sun, it was 70 degrees.  hopefully got some vitamin d, finished previous episode of fatherland.

its really COZY or COMFY, you know the pepe meme where he is wrapped up in a blanket drinking hot cocoa with a roaring fire and its is just very comfy.

http://comfyneetpepe.tumblr.com/

oh god this is great. proud comfy neets openly hating on WAGECUCKS or as he calls them, WAGIES. hey WAGIE whatcha doin? goin to WORK to make more money for bossman hahahaha. omg.

https://webcache.googleusercontent.com/search?q=cache:http://comfyneetpepe.tumblr.com/

for posterity

anyway that had to be done by a good guy, there are schlomo merchant memes in there as well. hilarious.

http://archive.is/gRTv1

archive.is does a little better job with the format

portrays neets as alpha males who are banging wagie’s wimmin while they are at work like pathetic wagecucks hahaha getting cucked by alpha NEETs hahahaha. so ridiculous.

anyway MW needs something like this, he is too stressed. sometimes you need to get comfy. yeah I REALLY wanted to get comfy with That Woman. Cuddling with your waifu would EASILY qualify as TOP comfy. but thank GOD there are other ways to get comfy too. like smoking tons of MJ and listening to the fatherland. and when MW is not despairing, he is pretty COMFY too.

 

 

WONT BE WILLING TO WORK FOR IT IF U DONT HAVE FEELINGS

919

oy vey. had dream with the woman. how did it make me feel. unhappy. upset. i said “it doesnt matter” 10 times.

in the dream we were hanging out and she was being a total bitch, just not nice at all, just rude and shallow and horrible and mean and cold. she did not want to hang out just me and her and had to have one of her awful new friends with her. her new friends were awful slutty party gurls who i knew were being a Bad INfluence on her, and she was becoming more liek that.

i was being an asshole too, saying horrible things like how many guys you been with lately? and making all sorts of very sarcastic bitter remarks about how casual sex was such a great thing and i how she has as much casual sex as possible with as many guys as possible, etc, because its just sex and its fun.

and then she complained about a guy she was interested it was texting her but last time they were supposed to hang out he blew her off. oh did you have sex with him too? of course you just have secs with every guy friend, and you have a lot of guy friends! plus you are interested in him, so of course you did. lemme see some naked pictures of you. lets find those in your phone.

then she was like ok me and my friends are gonna hang out and party now, you can go now, see you later.

i was like uhhhhh and then as i was walking away i saw them all partying at their house and i was like see ya later, have fun being huge sluts, thanks for inviting me to your party, i dont like having fun anyway! and being very sarcastic. i of course wanted to continue to hang out so i could maybe get with her, esp if they were going to be drinking. i think in the dream i was drinking too!!!!!

so yeah the dream sucked, to see her turn into a huge slut, who was slutting it up with tons of guys, but i had no chance. not that a slut is a good gurlfran material, but when you realize a gurl is a slut, you think, welp i might as well have secs with her; but she likes having secz with tons of guys….but not you. you turn her off because you are a weak beta hahahaha. of course No Means No, but you are frustrated because she says YES to SO many other guys.

i was also angry abotu being kicked out early while they continued to Party.

this made me think of a time in july 2014 when my feelings were not well defined, were confused. i have stated this before as my Biggest Regret! she was super nice to me, we had a nice afternoon of going to dinner and the park and i thought maybe i should hold her hand or make out with her in the park, but i was still on the fence. she made a statement that i was a good friend. i said thank you you too. but she had just finished with her old boifran and i figured she would not date anyone for like 6 months at least, it would take her a long time to get over that. it would take me YEARS to get over THAT!

but i forget that not everybody is harshly dumped. in their case it was more they both agreed to end it because it wasnt going anywhere, and they both wanted out. see i have never experienced that. i always wanted IN, they always wanted out. a one sided termination, for a one sided luv hahahaha.

anyway i was thinking, well what do we do after the park. should we go back to her house and watch tv or something, because that will really be awkward, because i dont really want to make out, but what if she does.

so i made some excuse i was going to visit my male friend and play vidya games. i was confused and didnt know what i was doing. i think i said you can come along and meet my friend and play vidya games with us too. she said she would be nervous and i said dont be nervous bla bla bla. ultimately i never ended up doing anything hahahaha.

what if i had pushed instead to go to her house and watch tv. then we might have been able to cuddle or make out.

once my feelings became definitely in a few months after that, this was my exact plan. rather than bail out after dinner, then go back to her house and watch tv and try to cuddle. but by that time i was 100% she was Dating Somebody, and she never agreed to to hang out with me ever again hahahaha.

so…..lesson learned?

go with them back to their house and see if they WANT to cuddle or make out. maybe she wouldnt have even wanted to. at the VERY LEAST it would have started a CONVERSATION about how she felt about me, and how i felt about her. rather than me ducking out and avoiding the situation.

now there was never any EXPECTATION that i would go over there, and she never SAID “why dont you come back to my place”, well i think somebody said something like “what are you doing tonight” and i dont KNOW if that is a veiled, loaded statement which means “come back to my place and make out”. maybe if the WOMAN says it.

honestly i didnt know WHAT i wanted!  things were going well but this was the start of some tension.  i was running away from the chance to talk about that tension. then when I wanted to talk about the tension, she didnt want to.

well i wasnt sure she wanted to “Talk abotu the tension” but i didnt even give her the chance.

well theoretically we could have just talked about elsewhere, didnt HAVE to go to somebodys house.

i know that if i had hung out wiht her in october or beyond, i would have directly pushed to go to her house, and if she didnt want to, i would have had the big discussion In The Car!

but yeah, lesson learned, try to go back to the persons house even if you dont want to make out with them, because that will FACILITATE COMMUNICATION, and maybe they will tell you if they like you or if they dont, and you will have MORE INFORMATION.

like if they are all smiling at you like they want you to make out with them, you can be like listen, you are a veyr pretty gurl but im just not ready yet. but i think i could get there. lets keep talking about this. its been on my mind too. lets just take it really slow ok? well ok lets try making out for 1 minute and see how it feels hahahaha.

but its good that we are talking about this openly, lets continue to do that ok.

well she did not push me to come over though. but i dont think nonslutty gurls do this. it was up to me to say “nope im not doin nothin, maybe we could watch tv or something, smoke some MMJ” and she could say ok wanna come over and i would say yes.

but i wanted to AVOID that situation all together, beucase i guess at that time, i was really Weirded Out by the idea of Making Out with her. !!!!

anyway yeah like i say, this was my biggest regret regarding her or at least one of them. and this dream brought it right to the front of my mind.

lesson learned: ALWAYS go to their house EVEN IF you dont want to make out, because then you can work on your communication. have a talk like: do you like me? do i like you? maybe i could. just right now would be kinda weird. let me think abotu it a few more weeks, and lets keep talking about this, lets not push this under the rug, cuz this is important. oh youre dating somebody right now? oh i didnt know that. yeah that just sparked something in me. lets make out now hahahaha.

i was worried about Having To Reject Her if she Jumped on me hahahahah.

lesson learned: dont worry abotu that. let her jump on you. you might come to enjoy it. really the transition from Just Friends to I was in Luv with her took like 1 month. from mid september i whined “but the spark isnt there” then in mid october i was “ok i was wrong, the spark is now there!!!!”

so say gimme a month babe, just gimme one month to soul search and for us to keep talking about this. i am glad this topic has been broached. lets keep this line of communication open. i am thnakful for our friendship and you are a pretty gurl and i’ve thought about this and i thought it was weird that i didnt feel anything….well i didnt feel nothing. i am honestly on the fence right now. i honestly could go either way. i am confused. i will try to get unconfused as quickly as possible so as not to leave you hanging. cuz you are a nice person, and attractive, and its stupid that i am not in luv with you right now.

but i know from experience that i can convert from platonic to non platonic, but there is a transition. but the transition itself migth only take a month. sothats not that bad. give me a month. and we will continue to be in communicado all throughout.

thisis much different that how she responded to my requests for communication. i said i could give you time and space but i cant do this forever, please give me a timeline. 1 month? 2 months? 3 months? i would have told her 1 month, and also the door would be open for communication during that month! it wouldnt be 1month with no contanct, it would be 1 month for me to go thru the transition from platonic to nonplatonic! big difference!

ok did a 3.6er.

so. lesson learned, in something i should have done, for me to feel guilty about, another way i ruined the rel. well i cant look at it like that, a way of me ruining the rel would be me beating her an refusing to stop; or her begging me to talk about our rel and me angrily refusing to talk or go to a shrink hahahahaha;  but NOT me refusing to push to go to her damn house once!

in fact, the next time i hung out with her, i thought, well, maybe this time i WILL ask to go to her house. i said what you doin tonight? in a way that said i might be interested in hanging out moar. and then she said she had to do something errands. this was in august and she was certainly dating that guy; and one of the last times we really hung out.

you dont go from frineds to love feels overnight, it takes a few months or a month of soul searching. but i was more open to the idea in august than i was in july. i was WARMING up to it!

anyway, point is, if she really wanted to commuincate about it, she would have. period.

i really wanted to communicate about it, so bad, that i was pushing and pushing her. if she wanted to talk about it, if she were in luv with me, she would have pushed me. she didnt push me at all.

well true love doesnt PUSH. well maybe not but it DOES talk when the other person clearly wants to talk! you dont HAVE to push! or at least not very hard for very long!

so now iim thinking i ruined this, i was to blame, it was my fault, basically because i did not make out with her in july 2014, when i was not ready to do so!

well, more accurately, that i should have directly addressed the topic then: do you like me? do you want me to make out with you? and instead of asking that, i avoided it, and maybe if i had asked it, things would have been different, and she would have liked me. see how that is kind of ridiculous? within 3 months of that i knew i liked her, yet by then it was too late. if she came back to me within 3 months and said i like u i would definitely say oh yeah lets get it started in hurr.

also if she were being eaten up by unexpressed luv for me, that she was unable to commuincate to me…..i mean shit were STILL HANGING OUT. if i could have got her to hang out even ONCE when I wanted to commuincate, i wouldnt NEED to go back to her HOUSE, assuming she didnt WANT me to. i would have just waited until we were in the CAR, then i’d say LISTEN theres something i need to talk to you about.

she could have done that! assuming she liked me. and i dont think she did hahahaha.

i was thinking the city of cluj something in romania might be a good place to live. its a huge city of 700,000 people, yet nobody has ever heard of it outside of romania, and it is right in the “transylvanian” region, its the biggest city in “transylvania” which is pretty sweet hahahaha. and the romanians are a proud and strong people and will probably defend their country, culture, and people for the rest of my lifetime hahahaha. are the women huge degenerate whores? probably not as bad as they are in US hahahaha.

ukraine or poland or moldova or maybe even russia hahahaha or hungary would also be good.

was she really GOOD to me? well, she was really nice to me in the beginning. but near the end, ie after my feelings came on, no she was not really nice to me. she was not really doing anything special at all. the only benefit was the chemicalz in muh brain, the endoprhins and oxytocins. that was all me being in love with her, not her doing anything special for me.

my book says love is an action, love is doing, its more than words. well she was not giving any words or actions!!!! well she gave some nice words in the past, like inviting me to shit when she was still with her boifran. and i was like isnt that weird.

of course later i said waawawaawawaw i wish i had gone with you to that thing you had invited me to two summers ago hahahaha.

so yeah she was cold and awful near the end. if she really wanted she could have been nice and warm like she used to be, like i wanted her to be. but she clearly didnt really want to be!!!!

but yeah i still prefer being in luv than being luved. because whats the point if you dont have any feelings for them? then you have to be the bad guy, and rejecting them, etc.

took like 18-20 hours to recover from that god damn nyquil hahahaha. but the sleeping was pretty good! its possible the deep stupor sleep of the nyquil caused me to have that stupid dream about the woman!!!! well it perhaps makes you have moar dreams.

hehe i totally would have been down to see a Relationship Shrink, thats how desperate i was. besides i go to a shrink anyway on the reg. i just would have brought her in a couple times and the shrink would say you should cmmuincate moar hahahaha. no this is not a middle class shrink where you pay 500$ a session. this is a solid working class social worker shrink!!!!!

i mean if you already HAVE a shrink, why not bring in your Partner when you have Relship problems!

basically i wanted to fix things or at least FACE them, and she didn’t. the end. she would rather just walk away than FACE them. this happens ALL THE TIME.

basically, if she WANTED the relationship to continue, she would have done something.

also, even if i avoided Going Back To Her House in July 2014 Once, even though she did not speicifically invite me…..i STILL HUNG OUT WITH HER at SOME level.

this is entertaining the hypothesis that she might have liked me in the past, which causes me a lot of regret. but yeah evidence seems to point towards she didnt like me. so i dont even need to entertain those unentertaining hypotheses.

so your a mid twenties woman and you dont know how to dump a guy correctly, even though youve have 5 long term boifrans and 50 short term boifrans and dumped them all?

just type it in to google! how to dump a guy!

http://www.wikihow.com/Dump-a-Guy-Without-Upsetting-Him

actually the first page of google results is NOT very helpful. there is stuff like “how to dump a guy in a mean way” and also long lists of warning signs and red flags and signs you should Dump Him Right Now!!!!!

http://www.buzzfeed.com/rachelwmiller/how-to-break-up-with-someone-like-an-actual-adult#.kdyREmlVL

https://omghow.com/articles/dump-a-guy

basically the stuff I was saying.

  1. be definite that its over, no chance of getting back together.
  2. be respectful and listen to him, let him talk
  3. acknowledge it was an important relationship
  4. its not you its me.

how do women not know this? ive never dumped anyone and i know this, theyve dumped 100000000 guys and they still have no idea, still dump guys in the same horrible ways over and over again, after adding yet one more to their number hahahaha.

http://teens.webmd.com/features/how-to-break-up-with-someone

WebMD For Teens has some good advice that it would be nice if some so called ADULTS used hahahaha yeah im talking about mah woman.

do it in person and be aware their feelings will be hurt. but be firm.

so basically she was the perfect woman for me, but she didnt like me.

so that means if i find a crappy woman i dont respect, but she DOES like me, should i date her? i dont think so, because why should i date somebody i dont even like?

i guess i could use them as a Practice Gurl to gain confidence and experience though. hahahaha. but dont lead them on. i wouldnt even want to break the heart of a poor degenerate practice girl!

i dont want to break anybodys heart!

i would PREFER to be friends with the woman first, rather than feel Rushed into Sex, like so many women rush into sex and then decide they have no feelings for the man and dont want a rel with him. then you shouldnt be having secs with him, ya crazy whore!

like i told woman2, i like you but can we please take it a little slower???!?!?!! i havent had secs with anyone in a very long time! please!

but then thats a sign of unmasculinity, and you’ll never get to have S with them at ALL hahahaha. dumb dirty bitches.

well when you are just friends first, then you get a chance to really get to KNOW the person and VET them and make sure they pass all your tests (for exmaple, being nonpromiscuous, not rushing into secs with strange men!) BEFORE you develop feelings for them.

then they end up dumping you like you were a creepy stranger who never really knew them and paying no respect to the real friendship you once shared.

two to make it, one to break it!

there needs to be more shame on the person who Just Falls Out Of Luv hahahaha. so if a wife Falls out of luv with her husband after 10 years, and they have 3 kids, and she doesnt want to Work On It, because Working On It wouldnt Work, i just cant fall back in luv with him, and i want out! well that is fookin stupid and she should be shamed and shunned.

ANYWAY the difference between this an a real rel, is that the two of us NEVER agreed to be In A Rel. it was ALL one sided. well the friendship was two sided. the friendship was real. but it kinda HAS to end when i get moar feelings, and she doesnt. i GET that.

anyway dont be afraid to ask your female friends how they feel about you; how they feel abotu other guys; how long they have to know a guy before spreading the babbymaker. hopefully a veyr long time. but probably not, in this matriarchal r-selected ghetto hahahaha. quantity not quality.

well i think if you have been in a longterm rel, like over a year or so, and you Just Fall Out Of Love, then you OWE IT TO YOUR PARTNER, is your RESPONSIBILITY to them, to try to understand why this is happening, and to do something to fix it. are they boring as fook? maybe its YOU who are boring as fook, and by going something fun, you can inspire him to be more fun.

hahahahah i am just used to seeing women giving up and leaving at the first sign that everything is not perfect. like a damn deadbeat coward. never willing to take any damn RESPONSIBILITY or do any WORK, expecting everything to be EASY ALL THE TIME. fook you you CHILD.

i know this isnt always all the case. i know she herself was willing to work when SHE had feelings. i guess thats the way feelings, and working for a rel, goes. you are invested in it, you want to make it work, etc.

when you have feelings you are willing to work for it.

in order to be willing to work for it, you have to have feelings.

you wont be willing to work for it if you dont have feelings.

hehehe in some rare cases you might have feelings but not be willing to work on it??? then you are a fookng moron hahaha i cant help ya. idiot.

if you are in a rel you should communicate semi regularly about the state of your rel. like if someone wants to bail out like a quitter, because youre not fun or interesting any more hahahaha. youre not entertaining the little child enough hahahaha.

like a baby with a gun.

except its way easier to respect children, because they have the valid excuse of BEING CHILDREN, plus they dont actually slut it up like promiscuous whores, becuase they are prepubescent and innocent and dont even know what secs is!

basically you shouldnt be able to adult things like secs and secsual reltionshits, if you are not a damn adult! based on the way you act and treat people and communicate, all in shitty immature ways.

so i stopped being fun? thats a fallacy, i was full of fun things to do, but she never wanted to do them!!!!! she wouldnt even hang out with me!

but thats my fault because i am an unfun person trying to do fun things??? but cant get peopel to do fun things with me, because i myself am unfun? to women at least? fook you!!!!

i mean i might be. i was fun enough to be friends with, but NEVER fun enough to be lovers with?

well even though i never had a long term lover, i have no EVIDENCE that it was the lack of FUN that caused it. i mean the only 2 women i had even short term rels with were crazy.

i dont think they were BAD PEOPLE though.

anyway. yeah i will survive but i dont feel i will ever meet someone who is so compatible with me, who i like so much, and feel so close to.

but recognize that she never really DID anything for me, near the end. she didnt put a damn thing INTO the rel, like i did. all that was attaching me, was my own attachment to her, ie, my luv for her. NOT her luv for me, because she didnt have any!

where were the heartfelt emails and heartfelt christmas card messages for me?

so yeah i was doing all the work, cuz i was the only one with feelings!

i can’t fault her for not having feelings for me, i just wish she had told me earlier. and not sent damn mixed messages that we would talk some day. and i wish she had tried a nicer way of “breaking up”, even a text or an email, than NOTHING AT ALL. that is rough for anyone, especially sensitive old ME.

hint: when you have to remind your “friend” that “are you aware that its been 5 months since weve actually hung out?” that is a very bad sign.

this is really only POSSIBLE if you see each other in a nonhangout way, like working. otherwise you just wouldnt have SEEN them in 5 months and then it would make it easier for you to accept that its over, and for you to Disengage. Detach.

its just weird and hard to see someone every day you used to hang out with, used to be better friends with, and now you never hang out with them, and they are pulling away from you. and there is nothign you can do about it!

you can accept it, change it, or leave, sayz muh book. i would have Bent Over Backwards to change anything she wanted me to…..except stop bugging her apparently. well because i wanted to talk to her tho. i couldnt stop bugging her. also i couldnt change her in the sense that i couldnt MAKE her luv me!

and she couldnt change me from luving her, she sure couldnt accept it, so that left her with only leaving.

i could not accept that she did not want to talk to me. uhhh what did i try to change. not sure. i tried to back off her for a little while but i couldnt do that forever cuz…..i still wanted to talk. i guess i was trying to change THAT situation by trying to make her talk. i kept doing that until SHE left. hahahaha.

accept it, change it, or leave hahahahaha.

MAKES MOAR SENSE TO BE A RACIST THAN A SEXIST

nov 29 2014 saturday

 

any. cold turkey right now is good. obviously i wish i could spend my vacation cuddling and sechsing her, but i can’t make that happen right now. so i will spend muh vacation reading 4 chan and writing tripe and listening to music and sleeping and powerwalking and buying silver and fatass pantz.

think i will go to church on saturday so i can sleep in on sunday hahahaha. of course still cut out early and have another scenic drive and powertalk.

1965 washington quarters are NOT silver. 1964 washington quarters ARE. 90% silver.

later

went to church, took scenic drive, wore new big pants, hooray

bought a new winter coat at kohls.com for 60 bucks. i sort of needed a new winter coat but did not want to go out to the store with all the degenerates and amerifats so i took a gamble here. worst case scenario i can take the coat back to the local kohls and return it.

anyway i guess i don’t REALLY NEED a new coat, because my previous coat is not broken….it just looks like sh1t with a huge gash in it and white filling stuff bursting out, and it is too small.

regarding the coat, i almost bought it yesterday but thought it would be good to SLEEP ON IT, any big decision is worth sleeping on one or more nights. today i was like yeah i should buy that coat if it still is “on sale.” and it was.

ok going for powerwalk. ok did that.

i have not been interested in a degenerate gurl since 2008. for 6 years. pretty good mang.

i have only officially dated two gurls out of The Eight, and they were both degenerates.

However no more than four of the eight were degenerates, so i think that’s pretty good too. if 5/8 were degenerates, that would be cause for concern, that i am picking the wrong wimmin. degenerates.

 

HEH. if i had just been more persistent and brave and manly when i was a boy and first getting interested in gurls. just had some balls when i was like 12 years old. like the second i got interested in gurls, just grew a pair and went up and talked to them, and got my rejections out of the way then, until finally i would succeed at like age 13 or 14 or something.

yeah but i did totally make out with a gurl when i was 14 or 15. i just thought it sucked because i was trying to make out with her friend, not her, and i got inordinately butthurt by that, and was like fook that b1tch for screwing up my master plan, then i didn’t make out with a gurl again until i was 21 who i also lost the Virginity to. so weird man!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

anyway thats why i’m so OBSESSED with WIMMIN. if i had just banged more gurls when i was 16, like a normalfag, then i wouldn’t be thinking about wimmin so much, other than that they are crazy and stupid of course, but i’d be banging them, hahahahahaha.

anyway. it is much more natural and normal and sensible and reasonable to be a RACIST than it is to be a SEXIST.

in other words, it makes so much more sense to dislike people of another race, than to dislike women. (well, unless they’re women of a different race, hahahaha.)

which is why i’m more of a racialist now, and less of an MRA/MGTOW.

it is unnatural to be turned against women. whereas, it is only natural to be suspicious of other races , and to want to protect your own race.

4 chan. 4 chan is MY PEOPLE. especially pol and r9k. my 2 fav boards. i dont even go to b. just pol and r9k all day long.

though i am more of a normalfag and less of a virgin than the r9k neet virgins, however i’m not as alpha as the pol high test alpha males who are currently sechsually active and who have regularly banged 7/10’s and above and maybe even had a legit gurlfran once, and are not total sperg coward strangers to normalfag human intimacy, hahahahaha.

sunday nov 30

welp back to WERK tomorrow. slept till like 11 am, super late. i think it was the fact that i went for 2 powerwalks yesterday, and had no valium or nyquil.

also i wanted to point out that it seems more gurlz play vidya games now than ever before, and brag about how they sit at home like neets and play vidya all the time, but i hypothesize this doesn’t help the odds of r9k neet omega virgin males any, and that these Gamer Gurls will still flock towards the Masculine, Alpha males in the Gamer Subculture.

That’s just the way women ARE. don’t hate them for it. just become more masculine and alpha.

WOMAN 9

oct 26 2014

sunday

day off

darn got no time. still have feels for my female friend. this is obvious from the texts i am sending her. she has to have SOME idea now. which is good, I want her to get the hint. but i don’t want to be pushy like a beta. I’d rather be “pushy” like an alpha male, directly asking for what i want, and being masculine so as to to engage, interest, and excite the feminine female.

but i’ve never been the most masculine man. i am somewhat masculine but not super masculine, and it’s never really bothered me……EXCEPT when dealing with women. then it does really bother me. because the women I’ve always wooed are never really fond of me. but is it because of my non-masculinity that they’re not fond of me? probably, but impossible to prove causation at this point, hehehehe.

got up a bit early on sunday so i could play on internet but now i gotta poop and take shower and my time is being encroached again!

today i will lay off texting female friend, ease off the accelerator. i will be talking to her tomorrow ANYWAY, so there.

when i am by myself or with my friends my less-than-average masculinity does not bother me. i wish i could find a wimmin that liked me despite me not being super masculine, hehehe. maybe i am pursuing the wrong women.

of course with her, we get along very well and are very friendly, but she is just not super receptive to my new feelings, which is her right . besides my feelings started real late in the game anyway and prob caught her off guard.

i have not given up yet, just gotta take a break for TODAY. I also have a plan to Take Her Out On A Nice Date where we do something fun, and then i can put official moves on her then, like touch her arm, and then she can say um no, i don’t feel that way about you, sorry. then i say ok whatevers, that’s too bad, and go about my life. get rejected quickly, get on with my life quickly. bang other b1tches. i have already wasted 30 years, aint wasting time no more as the song says.

not this song! but this is another very reasonable step on my musical journey as of late october 2014 heheheheheh.

but i will say that another guy in this band has a tremendous voice and he should have stepped forward to sing/roar at least a little bit! would it really not fit the music? maybe. but his voice is damn good.

so yeah i def have not given up on courting my female friend, in fact i still have my endgame planned, ie a blatant bid on a blatant special hang out night. but i am not super optimistic. but i’ve learned i still have to try anyway and just fooking get it OVER with, if for nothing else, so i can move on and not waste years. Never Forget That Lesson.

no time to take a shower. but i got a huge poop because i ate a huge and delicious chinese food dinner on saturday night.

heh. come home, eat, take powernap on sunday, go for powerwalk, nice day.

oct 30 2014 thursday day off

welp. saturday is the day i go all in with my female frand. not great odds. probably get rejected. but that doesn’t even matter, what does matter is that i am learning from the mistakes of my past, and not wasting time any more. i just developed feelz for her like ONE MONTH ago and now I am going to bring it to the table ASAP.

in that she has agreed to hang out with me socially on saturday, and i will take her out to nice dinner, and pay for it, and then try to get some private time where we watch a movie, maybe smoke weed and pop valiumz, and i say WELP it would be a shame if we didn’t try CUDDLING at least, many women have told me i am the world’s best cuddler, etc

and then she can either say ok or ew weird creepy. if she says ok then it’s a quick slippery slope to making out, and Hard Masculine Poundings, and then Feminine Love from her. if she says no, then I’ll be like, ok, i’m a mature adult, I’m not gonna make you do anything, but yep that sucks for me, Lemme know if you change your mind, but i might be over you by then, just sayin.

not getting my hopes up, she might still be not over her boifran, or just not interested in me, oh well, life goes on, the important thing is that i ACT NOW, and I am doing just that. doing the right thing. thank GOD.

and if she says yes then sweet, i might have my first ever gurlfran of life after age 30.

and if she says no then at least this time i acted in time rather than waiting and simmering and fermenting and regretting and wasting YEARS.

Also, I did recently decide to just come out and make Female Friend into Woman 9 already. why the f not. She Is Woman9. or Girl9. I just say Woman now so the feminists can’t accuse me of misogyny. they will anyway. they can suck mah d1ck. i wipe my ar5e with their face.

did not get much sleep, i wanted to, but had errands. finally got break. drinking coffee. maybe go to bed at 7pm.

i have been texting Woman9 more, almost erry day with stupid beta sh1t and smileys and i like u and bla bla bla. So I am trying to go several days without contacting her, namely today and tomorrow, then i see her on saturday and then hopefully enough tension has built up and that will make her more favorable to mah wooing.

but yeah by this point i do honestly like like her and would gladly date her monogamously. no cheating.

LUVSECHS and MONOGAMOUS CUDDLEZ

may 30

gurls and wimmin cannot be the focus of your life. sure you get horny, that’s ok. but they cannot be your main mission like they were for elliot rodger. and in a way i shared that similarity with him, in that nothing would make me happier than having a nice pretty gurlfran like girls 1 thru 8 to give me luvsechs and monogamous cuddlez.

but like RamZPaul said, you gotta have a different mission than gurls. he uses the example of george washington, who himself was probably a 22 year old virgin just the same as rodger, yet washington was defending fort necessity in the french & indian war and showing great courage and military prowess at 22 years old, while 22 year old rodger would cry for an hour when a girl ignored him saying “hi” to her.

for some reason i am comfortable to say I enjoy and admire and agree with RamZPaul as a Political Role Model. maybe because i just started getting into him recently and Stalkers can’t use him to help deduce my identity?

but yeah, he is basically a conservative nationalist. but NOT an ethnonationalist. but he IS largely a race realist. and,  very importantly, he is f00king hilarious and has a classic sense of humor. and he very closely parallels my own views. and is a personal winner with i assume a decent job and well-adjusted healthy kids. not sure about any wife. he never talks about a wife. maybe he has a b1tch x wife who initiated divorce against him.

but that is kinda my mission, to be a guy like that. a documentarian or vlogger. i don’t want to Blog, I wanna Vlog, hehehe. make documentaries, have a talk radio show, have a talk tv show, people talking and conversating with me. but that would totally rekt muh anonimity, so that’s why i blog.

have a fun late night talk show that is classy, funny, fun, and very informative and intellectually stimulating. it would be Impossible to do on Mainstream Media, of course. so i would have to do it on the internet, and try not to sell out when i get popular hehehe. of course ramzpaul is pretty popular and he is a long way from being able to quit his day job.

i would be ok with being a pro musician too. or filmmaker.

unfort, vlogger, talk show host, musician, filmmaker, are all real hard to make a living in. not really any jobs there. it is easier to make a living being a Salesman. or doing what i am currently doing. assuming those 4ssholes hire me back!!!

of course political vloggers could also ostensibly become politicians and that’s a good living. still, only marginally more jobs in that department though. and a lot of like local politicians are part time volunteer type jobs. they can get sweet city gummint health care though, even if they don’t get paid per se. yes i sometimes watch local city council meetings on local govt tv. and all these people have bretty good jobs BEFORE they become city coucillors.

in other words, its hard to go fromm total loser, to politician. you kinda gotta be a winner, like a successful lawyer or manager, before you become a politician.

another good way to lift your mood is to watch the Butters episodes of south park. Butters might be my favorite character on the show. Butters, Cartman, and Randy Marsh, if they narrowed it down to those three the show would be better. but i luv butters sweet innocent nature.

HOW ABOUT YOU??

ok did stuff in yard. nice day. def need to do 6.4 mile powerwalking today. sunny. get some sun. vit d. found a torrent of a book actually want to read. fyi it is “churchill hitler and the unnecessary war” by pat buchanan, not “how to get 18yo qt’s to like u.” although i guess “how not to be a lazy loser” would be good too hehehe.

just waiting for program to convert file into something smaller so i can put it on music player. also the thing is two 7 hour tracks. that will not do.

beavis and butthead. i was around beavis and buttheads age right when that show was getting popular. well maybe a little younger. i knew it was not to be taken seriously, but i did not understand the depth of mike judge’s parody/satire. i just liked the crude adolescent humor. still do. anyway point is they are huge f00king LOSERS and certainly would grow up to be huge loser adults like their fathers who they meet in the desert of the “beavis & butthead do america” movie which i am watching on tv right now.

i remember seeing that movie at the theatre and was a little disappointed, but at this time over 15 years later, it is hilarious. gets better with time.

ok. took pwalk. 3.2 miles. beautiful day. got sun. def getting tan on the face. hope i don’t get skin c. that would be horrible. not sure i would have the will to fight against The Big C!!!

will do a second 3.2 later.

whoa. got an exciting trip starting in 3 days. haven’t done anything this exciting since going to vegas in december 2012. i thank GOD for the privilege, realizing that most people on this earth NEVER have the privilege to go to vegas EVER, or to go anyplace exciting EVER.

ok. try to fit everything into a small bag. need dress clothes for wedding: pants, shirt, shoes, tie, maybe coat. then need clothes for 7 to 8 days. casual shoes. uh if i could wash the clothes halfway thru, then i could cut the amount of clothes in half. phone charger. uhhhhhh.

anyway i thank GOD for this opportunity and will try not to screw it up. do NOT say anything political because i WILL see some left-leaners. just keep my big mouth shut, and be nice, friendly, smart, and funny. probably don’t even need to be SMART. just be friendly and funny. don’t say anything too offensive. make amends for my past behavior and apologize. remember a camera to take pictures of neat stuff. don’t have a cam on my nonsmart phone.