i just want to make clear that i am not condemning her as a person for ghosting me because i think she intended to just give me the cold shoulder for a while, and didnt premeditatedly intend to hurt me, and then my overreaction to the cold shoulder made it develop into a ghosting which she really never intended. so all this is really my fault 100% hahahahahaha. anyway she is not a cold blooded repeat ghoster. but i couldnt even handle a cold shoulder and then it slippery sloped into a ghost. but i think the cold shoulder is a relative of the ghost. they are both forms of AVOIDANCE. cowardly avoiding elephants in rooms.
well this is the most beautiful email/thing ever written from one person to another. i will try diligently to scrub all personal information so that will make it more incoherent. she will prob never read this but i feel it is a great example of love, albeit one sided love, but still shows what love is, and how much one person can care for another, how deeply we can be hurt, and how our emotions and love are stronger than normalfag nonmonogamous cheaters who just use and abuse people like disposable garbage meat. but not us!
it is creepy and mentally ill and violent and abusive to go on the internet and abuse someone by airing private laundry. but i do so to vindicate myself in some way, and to provide Comfort For The Ghosted.
I don’t think I deserved to Get Ghosted. I think the things I asked for in my Post Ghosting Email were not unreasonable, given the fact that we had a history, we used to respect each other, and even if I was sort of lying about Fully Accepting That It’s Over, because I will always Want Her Back, and therefore will try not to write any more emails, it took this email for me to learn that. and 90% of what I write echoes the sentiment of REASONABLE people who RIGHTFULLY dislike and frown on the immature, rude, disrespectful behavior of Ghosting.
And I echo REASONABLE sentiments about Communciation, Respect, Basic Human Courtesy, that Ghosting rudely spits in the face of.
If anything I was TOO nice about it! I had more of a right to get Righteous Indignant in Demanding my Satisfaction!
It would be bad karma if I tried to expose who she was or who i am. I don’t want anyone to know who we are. just anonymous americans hahahaha who could live in any town in any state. both i or she could be your friend or relative. i dont wish her major ill will in life……i just wish she had treated me more respectfully. and i think she does deserve to not feel GOOD about this, it should cause her some guilt to hurt another person in this way, when it could have been so easily avoided. but it is not my right to dole out that guilt. but i do want to use this email to tell a story about Ghosting, Rejection, Communication. but i AM very concerned about karma and i dont want to bring bad karma…….to myself hahahahahahaha. by publicly dragging her through the mud.
but i do want to publicly show an 90% anonymous Story of Ghosting and How I was Justified in wanting Basic Human Respect, and Open Direct Communication, about an issue that was affecting both of us.
hey i hold no grudge against her. i want the best for her and her life. she was just a good person doing a bad thing which hurt me deeper than i have been hurt in many years. and to prove to jezebel journalists that not all guys who get ghosted deserve it, because then they go on huge twitter rants after they get ghosted, trying to run the ghost through the mud by name.
well being rejected this harshly would make the most secure person upset and angry! that doesn’t PROVE youre an abusive monster!
i just am insecure about that because i while i dont have any iron clad proof I AM an abusive monster, I dont have any proof im NOT an abusive monster either. Which would be a Happy Healthy Long Term RElationship that began and ended without any abuse by me.
well i never abused this woman during 3 years of Friendship, that should mean something.
[edit: i didnt mean i wanted an award because its SUCH AN ACHIEVEMENT to never abuse a woman jsut even once. doesnt everybody get one? hahahaha. NO. i MEANT that there is such MISANDRY in the current year, that sick degen marxist journalists and commentators want to paint ALL MEN as abusers. patriarchy and rape culture and shit. so that even Big Softies like me are ABUSING WOMEN WITHOUT EVEN KNOWING IT. BULLSHIT. you want a rape culture look at the #rapeugees which are gang raping women in europe. #refugeesnotwelcome hahahaha. basically i meant that if you are in a state of low self confidence, as you may be when devastatingly dumped, you may be very TRIGGERED by anti-male writing like jezebel that insists that you DESERVE shitty treatment because you had internalized misogyny that you used to abuse women without even knowing it, you were the bad guy here, you made her do this, you caused this, you made the choice and brought this on yourslef. BULLSHIT. ]
but even if i was not abusive, i was TOXIC, which is PRE-ABUSIVE and means you WILL be abusive.
this is why you must NEVER read jezebel journalists, or ANY professional journalists. it si pure POISON that requires a lot of STRENGTH and SECURITY to withstand, and we just aren’t that secure yet. so just stay away from it. vomit it out and stay away from it.
This is a REALLY long email, but I just had a few things I needed to express. Please read this (doesn’t need to be all at once, it’s ridiculously long!) and think about it; and please respond someday, even if just a short email in the future, and most of all, please don’t hate me. [i will add current commentary in square brackets. ok see i was too nice about not wanting to be hated.] Let’s try to end this in the best way possible, rather than the worst way possible. [yes. directly saying what i wanted. theres a better way to end this.]
I probably won’t send any more. But writing these does help me to move on, and to let go, to get a sense of closure, and to be able to say some things I want to say. I don’t think they are better left unsaid; I also think that saying them does not bring bad karma to either you or me. I want to be really careful not to bring any more pain to either of us.
Hope you are doing ok. I just wanted to say I will always be willing to talk to you at any time in the future, if you ever want to talk. [by being so nice i really do not stand up for my self so well, i act like somebody who does not want or deserve respect. i was still thinking i was The Only Bad Guy because I Pushed her too hard and Scared Her. or Annoyed Her.]
I was angry at how you seemed to turn your back on me. I don’t know if you meant to hurt me, but I sure never meant to hurt you. I just wish you had said something, like “sorry but I don’t share your feelings” or “please don’t talk to me for a few months” or something. I never wanted to make you hate me like this. It’s fine if you don’t share my feelings, but please don’t hate me. I’m not a bad guy or a horrible person or an evil abuser or sociopath. [all very true!]
I know I was ridiculous and just too much to handle, but I don’t think what I did was bad enough for you to hate me forever, and for things to end in this way. I felt that your reaction of not responding to me at all would be more appropriate if I had done something extremely cold or cruel to you, like cheated on you, betrayed you, abandoned you, or abused you, and I really don’t think I did any of that. I just wanted to express my true feelings to you, and have a direct, honest conversation about it. [yep another decent paragraph]
I accept that it’s over. But it doesn’t need to end so badly and hurtfully. We can still end it in a mutually respectful, compassionate, humane way. [well i accepted in my MIND that its over but not in my heart. in my heart of hearts i still want her. but no lie about wanting to end it in a mutually respectful way! although now MY respect for HER is waning because of the way she treated it and gave ME no respect!]
We once had a great friendship, and we are still both decent, good-hearted people who deserve respect from each other. When you turned away from me, I felt that you were saying that our entire past friendship was worthless, and I don’t think that’s true at all. Our friendship meant a lot to me. I don’t think I betrayed it or canceled it out by getting feelings. I couldn’t help getting feelings. But that meant that things did need to change. But I think we can handle that change so that neither of us gets hurt too much. Right now I am really hurt by the idea that you hate me and maybe think I betrayed you. I feel you are treating me like a monster, and probably you don’t mean to do that, and that’s all my perception. But that’s still how I feel. I wasn’t perfect, but I don’t think I was a monster. [true statements, but again i am bowing down too much like a supplicator]
It’s ok that things need to end. We just have different feelings towards each other, want different things from each other. This is just a part of life that everybody goes through, I’ve gone through it before. But my point is, we can end things peacefully and kindly, rather than cold, angry, and bitter. [TRUTH!!!!!!!!]
We can end things with a better sense of closure than this. It won’t take away all the pain and disappointment, but I guarantee it will make both of us feel a lot better over the long run. I’ve experienced disappointments both with and without closure, and with closure is a million times better. [TRUTH!]
Please let’s try to have better closure. Just tell me you don’t hate me, and can treat me like a human being, and that our friendship meant something to you, and that you believe me when I say it was not a fake, because that is the absolute truth. [the not hating me really doesn’t matter, its the not treating me with respect that is the problem. treat me like a human being. that part was direct. and the friendship WAS very important to me! thats why this ghosting hurt so much, and was so shocking!]
We don’t need to have a long conversation, although I’m more than willing to. I’ve said a lot of what I really wanted to say. Really I just want some assurance from you that you will not hate or be angry at me or remember me negatively; and that our past friendship meant something to you. [you see how i candy coat things a little to be nice, but you can also see the truth of what i was saying too. you can say intense things in a nice way, which was all i was trying to do by saying “please dont hate me,” even though it techincally is “supplicating”]
I could see you being so angry because maybe you thought that whole past friendship was fake, and that I betrayed all that and threw it all away, but I don’t think that’s the case, at all. It was very real to me, and I wanted to address my new feelings as soon as they happened, so they wouldn’t become a problem. [total truth!!!! total vindication! saying things like this is why i wrote these emails! because we couldnt communicate about this stuff together!] Also I was afraid to discuss the topic of your relationships with you, but I don’t see that as me lying, being fake, or betraying you. [kinda unclear, but referred to me dancing around certain topics with her, like her “new boyfriend.”]
Also I understand you being scared and frightened by my weird, creepy behavior, which was just too overwhelming, and impossible to respond to. That’s very understandable! [yeah yeah yeah i guess, whatever. so i was pushy. she could have said SOMETHING. we knew each other for almost 3 years, we USED to communicate.] All I can say to that was that I’m not perfect, I don’t communicate in the best way, I was feeling a lot of stress and anxiety and desperation and was emotionally compromised, but I never, ever wanted to betray you or make you hate me. [i was under a lot of stress, i felt like a nervous breakdown, still not over that, it will take 600 days hahaha]
I know I annoyed you a LOT, and I scared you too. I would be scared if someone acted that way toward me! [i guess i was manipulative as well as supplicating with my “forced empathy” right? making me the 100% bad guy who desereved to get ghosted. ] I know I made mistakes, and did not communicate very well at all, but when you pushed me away and stopped talking to me entirely, and unfriended me, and blocked me, I felt really hurt. It will take me a long time to get over that. I’m still hurting. I don’t know if you ever read these emails or if you just deleted them immediately, or set up email to delete them automatically, but I hope you can listen to me now with the same sense of compassion and kindness which we showed each other during the times when our friendship was strong. [very good points. along with the cringeworthy pvssy stuff, there are lots of very good solid points in here]
I didn’t intend to kill our friendship by getting feelings, and I could understand if that’s why you’re so angry. I just couldn’t help getting feelings. You can’t choose when or who you get feelings for. To pretend those feelings didn’t exist and try to go on with the friendship, now that would be a true fake and a lie. It is really painful to lose such a good friendship, and maybe that’s how you feel. That would be sort of good actually, because at least then I would know that you thought our friendship was worth something. It sure was worth a lot to me! It hurts me to lose it too, but I was at a crossroads, and I felt it was better karma in the long run to live honestly, and confess my feelings to you, rather than live a lie, and have our friendship become a lie. That would be the real betrayal. [well i dont know if it would be “the real betrayal”, like i said, this thing isnt 100% PERFECT, because you gotta be 100% PERFECT in order to have a job or a decent relationship hahahaha]
Of course this had to change/affect our friendship. When one person gets feelings in a friendship, it can’t not change things. Things have to change, even end. It will be painful and difficult. But I think they can still end peacefully, with respect on both sides. I will always have respect for you, but I feel like you hate me and see me as less than human, like I am a horrible rapist psycho sociopath, or total piece of shit deadbeat. I cannot handle that. I can handle you not sharing my feelings though. [yes sir, good paragraph. like i said, there is tons of good shit in here that DID get my point across, and which any self respecting person would agree with: ghosting is not a mature respectful thing to do, and i did not deserve ghosting!]
I know you were angry at me, but I can’t believe you hated me that much, or wanted to hurt me that much. You were always so kind and caring, and to be so cold was not like you. I know I angered and scared you, but I still don’t think I deserved such a harsh treatment, and I really don’t think you meant to be so harsh. that’s just how things happened. [i was honest about feeling like i was treated harshly. i felt like i was! but i was still A Pvssy and gave her a way out by saying “you didn’t mean to hurt me though.” maybe she didn’t. doesnt mean i wasnt hurt and that i deserved this treatment! really i deserve an apology and for her to make amends with ME, more than i need to make amends with HER by being pushy for communication!]
It’s fine if you could never share my feelings for you. I can get over that! What really hurts me is I feel you have rejected me as a person, as a human being, like I am just some disgusting horrible monster who doesn’t deserve any kind of compassion or kindness. And since I know you are a kind person, it hurts even more, and is terribly confusing, to see that coming from you, and to think that you feel that way towards me. You were always really nice to me, and I really appreciated that human kindness. I wish I had shown it to you better. [i showed i felt i was a human being who deserves to be treated like a human being. good, valid point.]
It hurts when you have something good and then you lose it, like the closeness, trust, and kindness we once had. We weren’t random strangers who only knew each other for a few weeks. Then this sort of anger and coldness might be appropriate. We were friends who knew each other for several years, and trusted each other, and had mutual respect and understanding for each other. I felt we had a real connection, and I had not connected like that with someone in a long time. It hurts so much to have that fade away. I would rather have a huge argument where we scream at each other, rather than everything ending this way, so coldly. [god damn right. we weren’t strangers, i wasnt a random stranger, we had had a good friendship for almost 2 years, and knew eachother for almost 3 years. you dont ghost a person like that.]
I know you have been abandoned by people you cared for and who you thought cared for you, and then they just walked away, abandoned you, never to hear from them again. PLEASE don’t do that to me. That’s kind of what it feels like. I will never understand it, and it’s caused me great pain. You don’t have to share my deeper feelings. It’s pretty obvious you don’t! But please try to treat me with respect and compassion like you once did, like you would treat any human being who is suffering. Please don’t hurt me in the same awful way others have hurt you in the past. You’re just not that kind of person. [this cuts deep and maybe i should redact it. before i knew the word “ghosting” this was the closest idea i knew of, being ABANDONED by somebody you cared for. I knew this had happened to her. i tried to manipulate her into seeing how hurtful this was, because she had been hurt this way herself. but its not entirely manipulate to want to END THE CYCLE OF ABUSE hehehehe]
I’m not a bad person either, I never meant to betray you or lie to you. As soon as things changed, I wanted to be honest about it, and the more I avoided the truth, the more the tension grew obvious between us. I really wanted to talk about it in person, I was very stubborn about that, but I felt such a discussion was best had in person, in private, a “heart to heart” talk. So that’s why I didn’t “blurt it out” in text or email or just during a break at work; in hindsight I probably should have, just to get it out already, so that things did not reach a boiling point. [yeah true. but she could have talked to me in a timely manner rather than AVOIDING. all ghosting is is AVOIDANCE. I am avoidant myself so pot and kettle, but i have never GHOSTED somebody and after this experience, I really never want to! almost as bad as cheating hahahahahaha]
We used to get along really well and really naturally, easily, effortlessly, no awkwardness, right away. Like two peas in a pod! That does not happen very often for me at ALL, and I don’t think it happens very often for you either. Please try to remember those times, because I am still that same person. [this is all true, but here i also give away my true feelings: i want us to rekindle this special connection, please change your mind.]
I think I NEEDED to know you for a long time before I developed feelings for you, because in the past, I had gotten feelings too fast, before I really knew and trusted the person, and I just ended up hurting myself by opening my heart too fast to someone I wasn’t compatible with. [very insightful and true!]
But with you, I just let our friendship grow naturally, and I grew to know you and trust you over time. This trust and long-term friendship helped cause my feelings to change, along with many other interacting causes: you and old long term guy ending, you and new short term guy beginning and ending, me and you hanging out at bla bla (then I had my first early, vague feeling that things were in the process of changing), going to bla bla, going to the bla bla concert, or when we used to sit next to each other at work last year and still got along pretty well, and talk and laugh. [true but same thing, i tried to share the important things for me that helped me fall in love with her, because i am really trying to i guess “break” her and make her not ghost me, and ultimately make her fall n love with me, live happily ever after. semi manipulative but i dont think i can be blamed too much.]
We had a great connection which was lost, and I am mourning that loss with great sorrow. [fookin A right!]
We were open and honest in talking about most things, BUT the one important exception was, I was always afraid to ask you about your “new boyfriend” last summer, and you were probably hesitant to tell me. [well, not the ONLY exception. i should have been just as direct in teling her about my feels for her.] In hindsight, I should have directly asked you about that immediately, and helped us become more comfortable talking about those sort of things. It would have helped us communicate better about my own feelings, which were starting to develop around that time. [very true, although i should have supplicated more in asking about HER feelings, not just me. well excuse me for not writing the perfect email. i am totally rekt after all!] Especially since your relationship with new guy was part of what caused my feelings for you to finally change when they did. I honestly was very surprised to see you dating someone so soon after previous long term rel. That made me think about how you and me got along so well, and we had compatible values and personalities, and I started to wonder if I might be a better person for you than new guy was. [very true. i expressed some solid truths to her here which i wish i could have expressed in person, when we were still on speaking terms, rather than a post-ghosting email which will probably be immediately deleted and never even read.]
Of course you can’t make people change their feelings! I’ve learned that lesson very well over the years. [very damn true. see i get a lot of stuff right here!]
But please don’t throw me away like a piece of garbage. I’m still pretty much the same person I ever was. My feelings for you changed, but I don’t think that cancels out the time we had before that at all. [fookin a right.] You don’t have to “like me back”, and I fully accept that you don’t, but I wish we could finish this with the same spirit of compassion, courtesy, and kindness that we started with. I know you’re not a bad person, and neither am I, and it just seems so unlike you to completely shut somebody out and slam the door in their face, leave them without ever talking to them again, like it feels you’ve done to me. [essentially defining ghosting right there een though i didnt know the word! and again demanding the respect i rightfully deserve! i never ABUSED her! i never cheated on her! i never ghosted her!]
I’m not asking for you to return my feelings, because I know you just can’t do that, and I accept that. I’m just asking you to treat me more humanely please, and let me down a little softer. [so i dont FULLY accept it, but yeah i DO want to be let down softer. the point clearly stands.]
The idea of karma is very important to me. We may never be able to be friends again, but let’s please try not to hate each other the rest of our lives. It’s NEVER too late to finish this in a more civil way. I will ALWAYS be willing to talk to you. If you don’t want to respond to me right now that’s fine. Just please try to do it someday, maybe after the pain is not so fresh.
I know I hurt, angered, annoyed, and frightened you, creeped you out, and I am truly sorry for that, and wish I had done things different. I would like to make amends with you, to set things right, so that you can forgive me. What could I do to do that? I think that it’s pointless to ask for forgiveness if you are not willing to make things right, to prove that you are truly sorry, to try to right the wrong. So I want to truly earn and deserve your forgiveness. [well i think SHE needs to earn MY forgiveness, because her ghosting has hurt me, more than me being Pushy About Talking has hurt HER.]
Also I am asking you to please reconsider how you are handling this now. I’m not asking you to return my feelings, I’m not asking us to return to being friends the way we used to be before everything changed, and I’m not sure that’s even possible. [yes. this is the more important thing i am asking. reconsider ghosting me.]
I’m just asking that you please try to understand where I’m coming from, and to realize I am not some hateful crazy monster sociopath abuser trying to hurt you, but just a decent human being who used to get along with you really well. [its ok to ghost an abuser, but i was not an abuser!!!!!!!!]
I was worried that you were so angry with me because you thought I had a “hidden agenda” from the moment we first met in 2012, that I was secretly conspiring to get with you from the very start. I swear this is not the case at all. If it was, I probably would have tried to push you and old long term guy to break up, or pushed you to cheat on him! In fact, I was hoping that you and old long term guy would fix your problems and live happily ever after! [because theres no communication in ghosting, thats WHAT IT IS is no communication. i was playing what if and wondering why. i thought this was why she was so mad at me. that i had betrayed our whole friendship, or i had a hidden agenda the moment from first meeting her. i wanted to dispel this misconception.]
Previously in my life, I’d always gotten feelings really quick, right away, and I even told you that, that afternoon when we went to bla bla, and you confided in me about the troubles with you and old long term guy, and I talked about the woman I was getting over at the time. [we had a couple of good heart to heart talks in the past, which made me trust her and her trust me and which i felt solidified our connection and thought we could communicate, eventually, about the issues that ultimately happened between us.]
But with you, the onset of my feelings was very different. It was the first time in my whole life that this happened, and this surprised me a lot, because I never thought it could happen to me: what started out as feelings of friendship, turned into deeper feelings. In fact, those initial feelings of friendship built a foundation of trust, and time, and understanding, which helped cause the deeper feelings which came later. You know how they say the strongest relationships started out as just friends, then grew into something deeper. That’s pretty much what happened to me. [god fooking damn beautiful truth. part of what makes this the most beautiful email ever written.]
I don’t think I could have kept my feelings bottled up forever. I was trying to send you signals pretty much as soon as the feelings started. I don’t think it’s any coincidence that that’s when the tension first started between us. You were sending me the pretty clear signals that you did not want to hang out and talk. However I was hoping against hope that we would eventually talk about everything: if not this week then next; if not this month then next, and that pattern continued for about 10 months, until my emotions boiled over in the worst possible way, and things blew up between us in the worst possible way. [yep. two super real and great paragraphs in a row.]
I think signals can get the broadest idea of a message across, but often in a painful way, and it’s much better to talk and discuss the signals fully, so as to minimize the pain and anger. [very very very true, me! WELL MEMED, MUH BOY! stuff like this is what makes this a More Good rather than More Bad Email. aka, a Net Win for me.]
I can deal with our friendship being over, but I have a very hard time dealing with it ending in the cold, abrupt, angry way it did. We are both decent, good, honest, kind people, and we should try to treat each other as such. I’m sorry I communicated so poorly, with such bad timing, and with such little empathy for your feelings and for where you were at in your life with your family and your relationships (you being heartbroken from new guy and still getting over him, and maybe old guy too. And you facing tragedy after tragedy with personal stuff). [yeah it WAS bad timing. but i couldnt hold back any longer. and it IS hard to deal with Bad Timing. but i dont think Bad Timing warrants Ghosting.]
I just feel really bad about you freezing me out completely though, without even writing an email, or having a long talk. [definition of ghosting hahaha] I know that’s just not the kind of person you really are, and I don’t want to remember you like that. I know you are a decent, kind person. I don’t want us to look back at this in years and think we should have handled that different, or to be angry and bitter. [very true]
I know I cannot change your feelings. I can’t make you like me the way I wanted, and I accept that fully. [well, not really fully. i was just trying to tell her that i, on an intellectual, rational, realistic level, understood what was happening. it will take me MONTHS, 600 DAYS, to Really FULLY ACCEPT it and Not Want Her Anymore.] I just want you to understand where I was coming from, and that I am not a horrible person, and that I really wished we had communicated better about all this. It’s never too late to write me an email please. [begging for basic human dignity. but my heart was truly breaking! it is beautiful and heartbreaking! if this doesnt melt the hardest heart, nothing will.] I told you you could tell me anything and that is still true.
I honestly have not felt this bad in many years, 2009 maybe, before we ever met. This is me at my worst, and you have never seen me like this before. It is not pretty. My sense of confidence is completely devastated. I am doing everything I can to turn things around though, and try to improve my own personal issues. It would really help if you could just give me some word, and please not be angry at me, and help me not be angry at you. I don’t want us to remember each other with anger. It’s ok if things didn’t work out the way we wanted, but let’s please treat each other with kindness and respect. We are both still decent people. [yeah pretty much. and she probably still is a decent person believe it or not, doing an insanely indecent thing out of FEAR. not even fear of ME because i am a weird stalker creeper insecure niceguy woman hater, but more like Fear Of Dealing with Conflict, Dealing with Relationships, Dealing With Issues Happening With Relationships.]
Feel free to show this to your [family member], they would have a valuable outside opinion. Or anyone you really trust. Outside meaning a third party who is simply not me or you! [i wanted her to get outside opinions to get her to listen to reason; point her towards reasonable people to show her how SHE was being unreasonable. uncharacteristically unreasonable! that hopefully another person could give her some perspective on. i had met the family member and felt that they would not encourage her to Ghost Me, or would nudge her to treat me a little better. this was and will always be a good idea. maybe its manipulative because i know the relative might be more sensible. but whats wrong about wanting a person to be SENSIBLE rather than NON SENSIBLE, especially when their non sensibility is hurting you, and you wish they werent hurting you so much. nothings wrong with that.]
Please never forget that you can always contact me at any time in the future, months or years even. my email.com, cell phone num, home phone num, full mailing address given here. Sometimes the word “karma” sounds silly, but I think both you and I understand what it means, we’ve talked about it, and we agree that it’s very important and real. This may be the end, but we don’t have to end it this badly. It is within our control to end it more smoothly, with good karma, with no anger or resentment. [yes yes very true] I’m sorry for communicating so badly, and for not truly understanding where you were at in your life. What can I do to make amends to you and have you forgive me? [meh] And please reconsider shutting me out so completely. [yes. really i think i deserve her amends, more than she deserves MY amends!] Right now I feel like you will always hate me, and that is making it so difficult to move on and get over things. That’s probably why I keep reaching out to you and writing these emails. If you’re still too angry to respond, know you can always respond at any time in the future, even a long time from now. [better late than never, it really never is too late to TRY to repair karma, although the sooner the better hahahaha]
[here is where it gets both beautiful, heartbreaking, and possibly “manipulative” in the sense that i very very emotionally appealed to the beauty and depth of our connection, because i really want to Get Back Together. but our Connection Was Once Real, and it really meant a lot to me, so i dug into those feels to heartbreaking and beautiful extent here.]
[ok im deleting these parts because they are TOO PERSONAL.]
[ok i have deleted probably the most beautiful parts of this email, which would make anyone with a heart weep, because ultimately these parts also reduce our anonymity and are not really Instructive per se. I gave very beautiful heartbreaking examples of how we were like “two peas in a pod” and understood each other so well, and had so much in common with our personalities and values, and were such a GOOD MATCH for each other hahahahaha. but the stuff was just too personal to be on the damn internet, even with Anonymity! this was the most SACRED parts of Our Entire Relationship, and putting them on the INTERNET might be bad karma. all this other stuff might sound personal, but to me, this part was the MOST personal. the holy of holies. plus its not INSTRUCTIVE or ILLUSTRATIVE like all the other stuff is.
it is BEAUTIFUL, and part of me posting this was to show Beauty, but this section, more than any other, feels like posting it would be violating some sort of sanctity, that the karma cost would outweigh the benefit of demonstrating Beauty. even if everything went to hell, those moments were still very special and i think deserve to be kept private.
the other stuff in here, though, i think tells a Useful story about Ghosting, Communication, Rejection, what is creepy and what is not, Endings of relationships, etc.]
[so i give a heartbreaking story of How Special Our Friendship Was, get super sentimental here. but our friendship WAS special to me, my heart WAS broken, IS broken, i felt VERY sentimental, i was crying, and i kinda wanted to make her cry too! dont throw something THIS special away like garbage! plus i wasn’t LYING about ANY of these things! these were actual real things which DID make our connection strong and special.]
I was very grateful to find that kind of friend in you. I will never hate you. I just want you to not hate me, and please understand I’m just a person who’s hurting. [please show respect to me in ending this.] Even if we cannot be friends anymore, please let’s try to close this chapter of our lives in as friendly, gentle, and respectful of a way as possible, so that we won’t have any lingering regrets, resentment, or hard feelings in the future. [yes.]
I will always be willing to talk to you at ANY time in the future. Please keep taking great care of your family. I always admired that about you, that you always put family first, and have always been such a strong person. I hope to be as strong as you someday. [meh. she is very strong in certain ways and that is admirable, especially her family orientedness, but i REALLY wish she had shown some of that strength in communicating with me!]
Please respond to me someday, and let me know your thoughts about any of this.
yeah i might go back and remove this cuz i am still on the fence about publicly publishing it, might be doing her harm. well, i dont think its doing her harm, thats WHY i try to make her and me as anonymous as possible!!!!!! besides she did me harm and doesnt seem to care about it!
plus i want to give an example of Bad Ghosting, and prove to the world that i was not an abuser or a creep, and did not deserve this.
i just dont want HER to be real life linked to this ghosting. that would be bad karma. dont even try to figure out who she is. thats not my goal here. my goal is partly to stand up for the guys who were ghosted and then stupid jezebel journalists say they DESERVE to be ghosted because of their Creepy Emails.
there were parts of my email which were Creepy and Awkward and especially Supplicating and Niceguy, but there were LOT of parts that expressed a VERY Valid, Reasonable, Healthy, Rightful desire for being Treated like a human being, in the wake of a Sudden Termination of a Long Term RElationship of Sorts.
when one friend Gets Feelings, you dont GHOST them, you TALK about it, and end the friendship as cordially as you can.
but the email was way too LONG, which means i am a violent woman hater who can never be fixed, who is not worthy of Relationships, who will never have any relationship with a woman until I understand WOMEN ARE HUMAN BEINGS, so God is calling me to be a Foreveralone Celibate Religious Single and Raep Boys. COME ON.
i guess if she “unghosts” me by contacting me and Making Things Right, then I will remove this. but she’s probably already deleted the email, never read it.
shes arguably doing this only because she’s had it done to her, in a much worse way. but that doesnt make it RIGHT for HER to do it either!
i know shes not a bad person. but this is how good people do bad things.
but its frustrating. this type of behavior shows you are incapable of relationships, yet she had a much closer relationship with a guy for 5 years! that was Romantic and Consummated! and I know she didn’t GHOST HIM! in fact i think HE dumped HER!
well i think that hurt her alot and probably is a reason why she did this to me. again it doesnt make it RIGHT though, and doesnt hurt me any less.
i am moving the publish date to a solid 6 months after i sent the email. hopefully by that time i will be going through some motions of LIfe, even though 180 days is not 600 days yet ahahahaha.