SOCIAL SKILLS ARE SURVIVAL SKILLS

feb 2

start of The Weekend, just want to do MJ like a loser hehehe.

feels of inferiority that i am not ATTACKING my job as much as I SHOULD be, not showing as much initiative, not being CREATIVE enough, not taking charge enough. usually when i do this i am blowing things out of proportion. and i worry what they say about me when im not there, um im getting second thoughts about this new guy, he’s kind of underwhelming, i expected more, he can do better than this, what kind of damn mental problems must he have, i mean just look at the facts, how old is he again? damn. DAMN. and he obviously doesnt have strong communication skills like he said he did, everything he says is an awkward meaningless jumble of words.  im sure he doesnt have a gf. i wonder if he lives with his fam. PROBABLY. WOW. how did he ever let his life get so OFF TRACK?

that is the type of shit i worry about now hahahaha.

i just dont want the nice people to be disappointed in me because i am uhhh kinda underwhelming and dont have a yugely confident charismatic presence. i mean i try my best folks. its a day by day thing. i have only been there 2 months. is this normal hahahaha. its normal to feel like an impostor. it took at least 3-4 months before i stopped feeling like an impostor at muh old job.

heh some MJ would help take the edge off that time hehehe.

its just different. its the type of thing where people work on a bunch of medium and longer term projects, rather than very short term cases. and when i end up with Downtime, well hehehe i feel guilty, because other jobs, when you get Downtime, you dont sit there and study work related stuff, you get your HOURS CUT, you get SENT HOME EARLY, so youre not costing the company money.

well today i was given a project and it was sort of challenging but people were offering with ideas but i didnt want to BUG them, plus i had enough to get me started, so i continued down that path, presented my results at the end of the day before i left for the weekend, essentially showed some work of what i had been doing the past 3 hours hahaha. it involved me trying to figure out something i wasn’t really strong on. i just hope they werent disappointed in me in that they expected me to Totally Fix It by the end of the day. i mean im not given super urgent tasks at any rate.

i THINK its gonna be OK, but yeah. always doubts and insecurities in my MIND.

feb 3

day off.

got some walmart george 12 dollar pants, gray. classic fit, flat front. they fit perfectly and were not that horrible “modern fit” which “sits lower on the waist.” I HATE that shit. totally satisfied. would totally buy another pair, and i might do that next week to replace another pair of pants that has gotten too big for muh incredible shrinking body hahahaha. 32 waist hehehe but im sure its a little more, tape meaure says more like 33, but most companies run a little big thankfully.

struggled against satan today and WON. got up, day off, wanted to be productive and no idle, run errands, not immediately sit on the internet for hours. get something done early, first thing in the day. got good 9 hours of sleep. did not turn on tv or computer. intended to go get haircut and to walmart and other store. felt anxiety and doubt but pushed self to do all those things. got nice haircut, boost in confidence, good. wanted to get new shirt for job at walmart, maybe pants. ended up getting nice shirt and pants. the pants are awesome but the shirt is a little bigger than desired. ideally will return it next week.

got groceries as well and then came home and made food to last me the next 3-5 days. AND did 1 load of laundry AND made 30 cigarets while the food cooked.  listened to new fatherland while doing the food and cigs.

and now its 543 pm, starting to get dark, and playing some cards and listening to new moonsorrow album for the first time

not bad, no surprises here. but for me i need to be in the mood, and i havent been in the mood since this album came out months ago.

ideally i would have a ton of MJ and would be blazing it like MAD right now. and similarly yesterday. but i dont. i laughed when thinking of finding a shady character at walmart and seeing if i could buy 20 dollars of MJ from a random shady black or brown person. i did not have the balls.

also i brushed teeth which i sometimes “forget” to do on day off, which i shameful.

also trimmed beard to level 2, ideally do this once every 2 weeks. last did this 2 weeks ago.

ok want old school epic metal, should listen to this hehehe. i recall the first song being awesome. and it is. varg v’s fav bathory albvm. he makes a comment here and there are shitloads of people calling him a shallow minded disgusting racist nazi and quorthon would have hated him too.  metal antiracists are the worst. go read that j trash metalsucks dot com. i thought you people prided yourself on being tough and iconoclastic and nonconformist. the best way you can do this is be a racist hahahahahahaha. and you have idiots loving a Heritage Loving band then bitching about people who say muslims get out. oh no, you get out you terrible racist, quorthon would have wanted hordes of muslims taking over europe.

well, maybe he would have, we cant say, he has been dead for years. but yeah it grinds my gears to see metal degenerates be all like yeah stabbing somebody to death and burning churches is cool, but being a racist who loves the hwyte race is so ignorant and offensive.

and i hold these “heritage metal” people to a higher standard because being Proud Of Your Heritage is really not that far from being Proud of your RACE, and willing to DEFEND it against its ENEMIES. but so many of them just shit on the idea of that second part. just bend over and get fooked. literal cuckolds hehehehe. metalcucks. bunch of pron obsessed degenerates hahaha.

heh. gay milo making big news with riots at berkeley. the next damn day people are rioting in nyc for gay gayvin mcanus hahahaha. what would they do with a REAL racist like richard spencer hahahaha. speaking of i thought he was gonna do a big college tour. he needs to have more of those like his thing at texas AM. do shit like that every week.

so yeah. glad i got a lot accomplished today rather than just neckbearding on internet.

so my gameplan was to “PARTY” tonight by taking a valium, then a little later, taking a benedryl. this could potentially be dangerous, cuz mixing anything with benzos is risky hehehehe. so thats why im gonna wait at least an hour before taking the benedryl.

had dream, erotic dream, that i was banging this qt gurl i knew tangentially in kollige, and i regret not noticing and pursuing her more. i just forgot she was there. but i might have had a chance with her because she was really nice to me the few times i did see her. and she was super duper qt. so now i occasionally have dreams about her hahahahahaha. prob always will. better her than THAT woman.

in this dream we were in the room with another person, and the qt woman was THROWING herself at me, just jumping on me, wanted to get fooked hard NAO. i was like, uhh theres somebody else in here, lets get a room i mean, then ill be happy to fook you hard. eventually i just let myself get taken in having public secs like a degen, because how do you say no to a young qt gurl. you cant. but i was like hmmm i really dont like sluts, i was hoping she wasnt like this, and god damn shes gotta be bipolar. and how long is this gonna last. shes probably gonna dump me within a month. why cant she just be a nicer, less bipolar, less degen, less slutty gurl. but oh well i might as well enjoy this for the brief time it lasts. but its gonna suck when she loses interest in me quickly. and she is REALLY interested now. but thats nothing. shes gotten like this for lots of guys. im not the first and sure wont be the last. and THIS is not gonna last. its not gonna get any better than this. damn. i hoped she was a better woman than this, i kinda liked her, had a fictional pedestal fantasy of her.

listening to newest 2015 iron maiden album book of souls. never listened. bruce still sounds great. not sure how they will hold attention for NINETY fookin minutes. WAY too long. but it sounds good so far.

meh you know what i will come back to this one hehehehe.

so took the valium. see if that even works. it is old valium. but i have like 90 of them, might as well use them while i dont have any MJ. i guess its kicking in a little bit. barely noticeable. not like MJ where you DEFINITELY notice it. how is MJ going in MA and NV right now? i know in ME they dont even have retail stores. or in CA either. i dont think. it still takes a year to get that shit set up. weak hahahaha. they dont immediaetly turn into CO overnight.

But in fact, recreational sales don’t become legal until next year. (2018). in california. ok.

n Diego legalized recreational pot dispensaries on Tuesday and the city also opened up the possibility it will allow pot farms, manufacturing facilities and testing labs.

San Diego is the first local city to approve recreational marijuana sales since state voters approved Proposition 64 in November, and no other cities in the county have indicated they intend to follow suit.

jan 2017. ok so go to san diego if you want to buy MJ.

 

until recreational dispensaries set up shop, which Metro said could happen as early as March. nevada 2017. cuz i mean vegas is a popular tourist destination and plenty of cheap flights. probably cheaper to fly to vegas than to CO.

state legislators in December passed a law delaying the sale of recreational marijuana products in approved retail dispensaries until July 2018. MA

yep. winterfylleth. signed up for songkick just so i could get a notification if they tour in the US. hehehehe. listened to the whole 1 hour album. thats a long album and its a really good sign if i can sit through the whole damn thing.  just glad to really enjoy a new band.

anyway that dream. i ultimately dont like when women throw themselves at you like slutty bipolar nymphomaniacs because that means theres something wrong with THEM, and also theyre gonna lose interest in you REALLY quickly, and that is very jarring. i mean its only happened to me once but i never forgot it hahahaha. yes that gurl was bipolar confirmed and taking lithium before the age of 20.  heh. wish i had had more time to actually have a serious discussion with her about Bipolar and how she dealt with it. but that would involve her hanging out with me for an appreciable amount of time.

thats a good sign. is a woman willing to spend a decent amount of TIME with you or do they just want to fook and LEAVE ahhaahhhaaha. thats what i liked about That Woman is that she liked me enough as a person to want to hang out with me for hours. sometimes hahaha.

i mean come on. im really not THAT lame. i might be a little boring and an underachiever, but you could do a LOT worse than spending a nice solid 4 hour hangout session with me hahahaha. smoke some MJ, watch some youtube, talk about 1387, talk about JQ, talk about degeneracy, watch some TV and talk about how degen and J it is, play some games, watch jeopardy, play some mario kart, smoke some more MJ, cuddle up and watch the decalogue hahahaha, make some food, go get some food, go for a scenic drive, go for a scenic walk in the park, watch the sunset. sounds like a fookload of fun amiright? go to an ethnic club, where hopefully you dont dump me for an alphaer guy, go to an artsy fartsy movie, go to a concert, go to an 1433 meetup where hopefully you dont dump me for an alphaer guy, go to the gym together where hopefully you dont leave me for an alphaer or blacker guy, hahahahahahahahahaha.

im secure about that because i really CANT compete with other guys for women. so if im hanging out with a woman in public where there are other Willing Guys, of course i worry that she’s gonna get a wandering eye and lose interest in me for a Better guy. also because women have historically lost interest in me really quick and gotten with other guys who they liked more.  shit yeah that is a big blow to your confidence.

and really i havent had a women interested in me in that way, even the slightest short term one month interest, in like…..holy shit TWELVE fookin years hehehehe.

but it was nice having a woman be interested in me as even Just A Friend when that happened like 3 years ago. 3 years ago might have been the peak of muh friendship with that woman. and holy shit even that is a long time ago. it doesnt feel liek that long hehehehe.

heh was a REAL BOSS today and put on track time starts on two youtube vidyas for good albums where the uploader nor any other commenters were generous enough to do that. you know. where you can click on the time and jump right to any song on the album for full album videos. hopefully will get plenty of upboats and thank you comments hahahahahaha. cuz these degen metal fans dont even think of taking 3 minutes to do this. well i wasnt any better until today, i never did this till today.

took the benedryl several hours after the valium.

went and installed f.lux on the computer to soften the harsh bright light of the screen at night time. with my tons of ram it does not have any noticeable memory footprint hehe.

george brand. for the man who wants to dress professional but also wants to buy his professional clothes at WALMART hahahahahahahahaha.

 

 

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DONT SINK TO THEIR LEVEL

dec 17

when young women are mixed race, they very often appear exotic and attractive and are in high demand. mixed race men turn out like pathetic hapas like elliott rodger who feel totally isolated, atomized, rootless, deracinated, neither white nor asian (or whatever) or at the very least have huge racial identity problems that the mixed race women  dont have. they;re like yeah i’m white AND i’m asian, very easy, and I’m hot as hell! I own it! and there will be no shortage of Thirsty Beetas to confirm to her that she’s hot as hell.

So women, IMHO, take race more for granted, don’t see how much race matters, they think you can be two races and its not a problem. they think HOW CUTE their mixed race babies would be. OH ID LUV TO HAVE A MIXED RACE BABY. THEYRE ALL SO CUTE, AND WHITE IS SO BORING.

WRONG.

but yeah this is obviously very dangerous thinking that they dont even realize is dangerous, so they need a strong racially conscious man to put his foot down, snatch up the women before she’s fooked too many nonwhites, and tell her, THIS IS THE WAY IT IS. we’re gonna have white children and then you’ll see why this is SO goddamn important. and you’ll be SO GLAD you never fooked any nonwhites.

well hunny, actually, i was a little embarrassed to tell you before, i had a slut period in high school for a month where i fooked the whole basketball team. but that’s ok, i was just 16 and exploring muh sexuality.  but that’s ok. im not ashamed and i have no regrets. it was a lot of fun.  its part of who i am. i mean i married YOU didnt I? not THEM!

hahahahahaha.

sheeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeit.

had a dream with a young superqt woman i used to work with. she was super nice, got married young, still married, she occasionally appears in dreams. i think this clearly means that i would have liked to try Dating Her and that I possibly could have been Very Happy with her if we were Dating.  Yep not very doubtful on that.

in the dream she was hanging out with me, but the idea was, she was only hanging out with me because her First Choice was not there. She didn’t seem as nice and interested as she was in him. I was glad for the “chance” but she seemed distracted and not very interested. Then the next day her First Choice was back and she was all bubbly, nice, interested, and flirtatious with him, and I felt jelly and butthurt hahahahahaha.

yeah pretty straightforward interpretation here. it sucks to be an option. when you are a lower choice and they are your first choice. when you really like them, but they aren’t that interested in you. and then you see them get super interested in this other lucky guy. and then compare yourself to him. oh, he’s younger, taller, stronger, more confident, cooler, more popular, more smooth, more charismatic, funnier, more charming, more successful, more handsome, more interesting. more alpha, more masculine, tougher, more dominant. more winning. all that stuff.

anyway i never knew this qt young woman to be anything but very very nice and pleasant. always bubbly and smiling and laughing. i dont mind that. she was never bitchy to me. she smiled politely to me. now i never hung out with her and never became friends with her, because i knew from the beginning she had a BF, and i dont interfere with relships. let her dump him if she wants to fook other guys. well she didnt want to. she was a good girl hahaha. kinda like the good joo. they still have to go back. send them back to their homeland and all us huhwhyte men can live here and fook each other like women with gay satanist jack donovan as our leader hahaha. real alt right hahahaha.

heh. bernard. me and him have a similar view of women. i want to tell him, dont dislike women so much (nobody but crazy violent criminals really HATES women), you just got unlucky man, you met a lot of shitty women, i swear, some women are good, they arent ALL like that! and then i realize like bernard, i have been kinda unlucky too, lot of very disappointing women i’ve met, and given the shitty women bernard has experienced, i can’t BLAME him one bit for feeling very cold towards women. same with me! it all adds up! checks out! i gave them a chance! sure can’t say the same about them! they didnt give ME a chance!

hey i would LOVE to like women! just show me something worth liking!

well even now i am Reacting Emotionally. I’ve met plenty of women who had really really good moments. nobody is perfect. like that qt women from my dream was really really nice and likable. sheeeit even That Woman was insanely likable because she was so nice and pleasant and polite and nonobnoxious.

and just because i was hurt about being Thrown Away, now I think all women are monsters hahahaha.

she just got flustered and went into flight mode. i have done the SAME THING MANY a time. I get flustered about the littlest things. TERRIBLE at dealing with stress and pressure. just freeze, shut down, run away. how is this surprising? it’s not surpirsing AT ALL. so i kinda forgive her mostly, i totally udnerstand why….it just still hurt me greatly. still not over it. but def getting there thank GOD.

like if i were going out with the woman from my dream tonight and she were all into me, yeah that would be just fine.

but part of me still wants That Woman, and I would take her back if she came back to me.

Bernard tells stories of women that reappeared in his life 2 or 3 or 4 years later. and he was strong enough to say fook this shit, you didnt want to be with me the first time, you showed your true colors, how can i trust you, you havent changed, youve got worse, whats your scam, fook you no im not gonna give you another chance. this happened with at LEAST two women with him. so this shit DOES happen. and you know he was probably RIGHT to do that. these were crazy, untrustworthy, dumpster fire, horrible women. dodged a bullet.

so i think, well what if she started contacting me? i wouldnt be nearly so strong! i would say YES YES YASSSSSS! and be RIGHT back in full luv with her again. just like it was 2 years ago. i coul rekindle the shit REAL quick.

i mean who hates a person so much that you WANT them to be devastated when you dump them? I would never want that!!! I would do everything in my power to make sure they weren’t devastated!!!!!

not saying she WANTED me to be devastated. i’m referring to bernards women. they wanted HIM to be devastated, and they were mad when he wasn’t. that’s how shitty these women were. no wonder he doesnt like women hahahahaha. i am sorry for you uncle bern. you deserve so much better! and you get these fookin DUMPSTER FIRES. PSYCHO HOSE BEAST. cray cray. bipolar at best, more like damn BORDERLINE and sociopathic.

not all women are crazy evil sociopaths! not even most women. maybe. hehehehehe.

call in a favor from someone to do your dirty work for you hehehe. its not like you cant get people to do favors for you. get a thirsty omega orbiter to do it for you. i would totally take that. plus i would say, this bitch is ridiculous, i TOTALLY don’t want to be with someone like that. has an omega orbiter relay the message to me.

but yeah. one of muh biggest weaknesses in life is that i get FLUSTERED by very small things, and then dont think straight, and make stupid decisions, that have bad consequences, just because i can’t deal with stressful situations. get flustered so easy. and then act stupid. then people think im stupid. and that makes me REALLY MAD. but I would rather be mad than flustered or anxious. that is probably the worst feeling ever. just totally helpless like a child who wants their mommy to save them from the scary monster thats going to raep them, but then nobody ever comes, and the monster brutally raeps you and then you have to live with the shame of all that. its not like being K’d, that would in a way be better, cuz your suffering would END.

 

kinda think he uses a drum machine on the fuath album but it still sounds good. would prefer live drums OF COURSE. fairly compelling music, more sorrowful and cold than saor, which is not bad for a cold winter hehehe. also vocals are a lot more black metal than the weird napalm death style vocals of saor. which are not bad btw! but i just like they black metal style better. and the drum machine sounds tasteful…..but damn. i wish the guy could be as hardline against drum machines as I am.

kind of ironic that when I tried writing songs I used a Drum Machine hahahahahaha. but i wasn’t thrilled with the idea and knew I would rather have real drums. I would rather he attempted to play live drums himself even if he knows he is not the greatest drummer.

cuz yeah this music sounds immediately pretty enjoyable and it would be even better with a live drummer.

it would be funny if it actually WAS a live drummer. but i am so prejudiced i think everythings a MACHINE.

for the first burzum album varg had never played drums before. he just practiced for TWO DAYS before recording the album. and I luv the (amateurish) drum sound on that album. this andy marshall guy is a talented huhwhyte man just like varg. just play the damn drums like an amateur. its very endearing hahaha. did varg ever use a drum machine? did mikko A ever use a drum machine? come on. no one ever needs a drum machine for their one man black metal!

but this fuath….i could see myself enjoying it as much as i could possibly enjoy something with a drum machine!

yeah really clearly a machine on the fast bass drum bits. unfort.

but perfect album length at 41 minutes. its gotta be able to fit on ONE old school LP. which is lke 46 minutes tops IIRC.

GWW/Karen always had a pretty good impression on me, i mean she seems pretty solid, and even woman-disliker extraordinaire bernard should have a difficult time disliking her hahahaha. i think he would get along best with a woman like this, who pretty much thinks like a man, and seems kinda like a lesbian hahaha. this is the kind of woman bernard needs. he is a super logical not super emotional man, so he would fit best with a super logical, not super emotional woman, which karen seems to be!

i just think bernard would be a great father and its a shame that he only found crappy women. and their degeneracy rubbed off on him a little probably.

like the time where he was dating a woman with really nice legs but he didnt like her and wanted to be done with her, but he wasnt man enough to dump her, and then he ran into his ex gf, who was all hot to trot for him now, so then he banged the ex gf while he was still technically going out with his actual gf, thus making him a CHEATER! then he never responded to the hot to trot ex gf ever again because he just wanted to use her for secs one last time.

all in all pretty degenerate and negroish and i wish he condemned himself more for that particular degen incident.

the principled huhwhyte man would have dumped the bitchy gf, and never banged the crazy ex gf.

well, banging the ex gf is not as bad as technically cheating on your current gf. that is pretty disappointing. doesnt matter if they were on the outs. DONT SINK TO THEIR LEVEL. their shitty “morality” was started to rub off on him. NOT GOOD.

DONT SINK TO THEIR LEVEL.

i dont like to see moral people become generally more immoral.

i dont like to see good people go bad hahahaha.

not that that happened to bernard. in fact now i am thinking of that woman. did she really go bad though? i’ll never know. and would it make things BETTER if she did? why couldnt she have just had her MOM dump me for her hahahaha. and her mom could tell me, yeah she doesnt hate you, you were important to her, she just can’t deal with this situation, she is very sorry, but she doesnt share your feels, and im sorry, you must be really disappointed. you are a really good guy and would have been good for muh daughter. but this is what it is. ive talked to her and i can’t convince her to give you a chance. im sorry, this really sucks for you.

that would have been nice to hear hahahaha. dont even have to scrounge up 50 dollars to pay a shrink to give me the talk.

dont have 50 bucks? come on. how could a 25 year old woman not get 50 bucks. a thirsty omega would pay you 100 bucks just to HANG OUT with you and sniff your hair. 200 bucks if you smile at him and not act like an obnoxious bitch to him. for one hour of Friendly Hang Out Experience.

These Desperate Thirsty Omegas will pay Two Hundred Dollars for One Hour of Friendly Hangout Experience.

Sheeeeeeit i totally understand. I just might too. Thinking of all the Friendly Hangouts I had with That Woman before things got bad. and i didnt even pay her any money hahaha. i mean i bought 2 xmas presents and i bought her lunch and i bought her dinner i think. not that i think that entitles me to anything hahahahaha. well it entitles me to have her try to have her mom dump me for her hahahaha.

but yeah. have some dam respect for LIFE ITSELF. Human lives. the unborn, the men you date, the hearts you break, your damn self, the process that creates innocent new lives. have some damn respect for human life. this is what bothers me about women. aborting babies, throwing peopel away, breaking hearts, cheating, dumping, acting like sociopaths, enjoying being treated like meat, treating others as meat. this just seems DISGUSTING especially considering women are the MOTHERS of HUMAN LIFE.

ok now i am going off again. not all women are like that. NOT EVEN SHE was like that! she just did one cowardly thing, which wasn’t even surprising, now i’m making her, AND all women, out to be these satanic jooish monsters, which they are not, which even she is not! this is all in muh severely cognitively distorted head! im NOT THINKING CLEARLY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

shit im NEVER thinking clearly! I havent thought clearly since 2013 when i took a math class and thought clearly some of the time for that course. it was calc 2 and was pretty hard but i got an A because I NOT AN IDIOT, I SWEAR.

there is a horribly horribly disgustingly shocking ugly side to women. bernards seen it, i’ve seen it. the trouble is thinking all women have that dark side. but everyone has a kinda dark side. but it just seems that women’s dark side are so much worse than my own hahaha. and mine is pretty damn bad: total failure to live up to potential, lazy, drinking problem in the past, degen MJ smoking, cowardly omega. its pretty bad but i think its better than a woman who has had abortions, or cheated on guys, or broken 10 hearts, or fooked 10 guys, or fooked a guy she just met. all that is ugly as shit. uglier than anything i’ve ever done! and i’ve done a ton of shit im not proud of! they do worse and aren’t even ashamed of it! so fook YEAH i have a problem with that! I SHOULD have a problem with that!

yep im doing it again! back on the escalator again hahahaha.

jeez i just wanna sm0ke MJ right now! want to have a hugeass bag of MJ that will last me for at least 3 months!

i mean when i see qt young women, i dont want to JUST fook them like a negro animal. I want to protect them and be loyal and romantic and a strong man for them, a real traditional white knight. but NOT for some skank who doesnt deserve it! just saying i dont view women as pieces of meat. like if i am in church and i see a beautiful young girl. the jooish, pornified, negro mindset says, oh i wanna fook her hard, imagine her on muh dick. no. i have thoughts that are appropriate for a decent white man to have regarding treating women with some respect for their role as the Mothers Of Life. however that doesnt mean i will white knight for a dirty skank. so if she shows herself to be a dirty skank, i am fooking done. (unless I have already made muh bet. sunk muh cost. made my investment.)

WOMEN ARE THE MOTHERS OF LIFE.

hehehehehe.

buying Winter Thermal Super Warm Freezing Cold Weather Socks was very smart move on my part. cant believe i never did. just go to walmart and buy the thickest socks you can, and are marketed as arctic cold or some shit. they truly do keep your feet warmer.

 

I CAN LIVE WITH 50% A LOT BETTER THAN 99.9%

july 11

applied for the “facilities” job at the dream employer. the posting was only open for 5 days. From a FRIDAY to a TUESDAY. really suspect there. its like they DONT WANT a lot of people to apply for it ahahahahah.

well they probably dont!

but then youre just rolling the dice and getting really RANDOM people! and not necessarily the BEST people.

but that’s good for ME! I want weak competition because I myself am weak!

but yeah it would be a GREAT job to get. close, days, any overtime is paid time and a half, and icing on the cake is i already know one of the possible coworkers and get along with him really well. he might not still be there tho.

took 28 minutes to apply, but that did not bring up the average too much!!!!

meaning, the average is starting to be established as a lower number, closer to 14 than to 28. more good news.

i like to joke that i am saving myself for a woman who is a actual decent woman and not a dirty slut, so thats why i have been celibate for years hahahahaha. because a good woman is THAT hard to find. 99.9% of them are dirty skanks.

or maybe only 51%! a small majority rather than a vast majority hahahaha.

heck lets just GIVE THEM THE BENEFIT OF THE DOUBT and say 50%, because we dont know for sure.

I can live with 50% a lot better than 99.9%. and that is a lesson you can apply elsewhere in life, to overcome Pessmistic Realism Black Pill Despair.

 

this is eggman doing a video of him filling out a job app after he was fired from a data entry job, which i dont know if it was the same job where he was working 80 hours a week a few months ago. eggman is also a pathetic virgin or near-virgin making feels videos, but i think george feels is more my style.

holy shit some GREAT woman hating comments here. that are frighteningly credible. you find yourself nodding your head at the women haters, BECAUSE THEYRE RIGHT.

this is BLACK PILL REALITY. and we HAVE to ignore it. until we have a woman in our face trying to ho us out. then say “fook your bullshit baby, now suck muh dick or get out”

a woman can cuckold a man but a man can never cuckold a woman. FACT. just think about that for a while. let it really sink it. it really explains a lot, very elegantly.

anyway i used to read a lot MORE stuff like this. and it IS legit. it IS true. women ARE horrible. but sometimes its healthier for you to just stick your head in the sand and pretend women arent all that bad.

just dont worry about this black pill shit until you actually have a woman in your face testing you.

can you listen to music while doing your job applications? i say sure yeah, if it doesnt slow you down significantly. like more than 1 minute added to your average.

its just amazing women can graduate college and graduate school yet still be like CHILDREN when it comes to relationships and real life, yet they still get jobs making 40k a year. i mean you have to have COMMON SENSE and NOT be crazy, two things women are absolutely NOT.

that weird feel when you stalk the Department Head to find their name, and you find that its a weird spelling of a very common name that makes you wonder if whatever level 1 Admin Assistant input their name into the System spelled it wrong……or if that’s actually how it’s spelled. Because you want to spell Jahnathan or Crisstafer right on the CL.

should probably try to….something something. oh yeah. buy a ticket to see willie nelson live because he is not gonna be around much longer, he is at least 75 years old. he WAS doing a tour with merle haggard like last year…..and then merle haggard died.

i also am kinda kicking myself sorta because i missed the concert with “dead and company” which was basically some grateful dead guys with john mayer. john mayer really isnt as bad as one thinks he is. he is a very good guitar player and once you get used to his ridiculous voice, he is fairly enjoyable. anyway i have always been a DEAD fan but I have NEVER seen any dead related shows. dead and company had bill weir, bill kreutzmann, and mickey hart. weir and kreutzmann look old as shit, like they are at death’s door. i guess phil lesh does not want to tour any more. which is understandable. these guys are like 70 years old!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! it’s amazing they are still alive!!!! and i missed a great chance to see a good number of them.

also go through your list of job posting bookmarks and move all the B+ or higher rated ones to the bottom. or top, whatever is the “newest” or “most important.” so you can obviously not forget to apply for them.

welp 6 apps today with 12.5 minutes total for TODAYS average. which is now actually my total average as well. 12.5 minutes. horry sheet. and that is with a 28 minute app in there today.  15, 4, 7, 7, 14,  28. not bad uh.

maybe i should try to get invited to social gatherings and then take a mixture of valium and benedryl when i get there hehehehe.

welp i need to get up ridic early tomorrow to do favor for old friend. this is kinda good because i havent seen or talked to him in months and it gives me a chance to do a good deed. however i have my suspicions that his life is not going so good. maybe even trouble with his Marriage. that he might be 85% at fault for, hehehe.  also i dont want to get sucked in hehehe. but he has been very good about not taking advantage of me hehehehe so i sorta trust him not to do that.

plus i was thinking of going shopping for muh suit on wednesday and maybe if i am up SUPER EARLY tomorrow i can just do it tomorrow instead.

heheh i am becoming fond of poor georgie. he is a lot more funny and more likeable than I thought he would be, not as autistic and obnoxious and spergy. in other words, i think he has an actual chance. and in a less degenerate era, he would have been married. he’s not THAT weird that he is beyond all hope. i feel I am similar. I mean, i’ve COME CLOSE. i’ve just never closed the deal haha. george has a sense of humor and can make and understand jokes, which is a big deal. some of the autist virgins on the despair forums dont even get jokes, hahaha.

but yeah its frustrating that when a nice qt gurl is USED by Eminem-like Douchebags for Secs, but they would never even consider dating you! and they blow you off and get SO OFFENDED when you get feelings for them. and then you’re the bad NiceGuy.

who’s holding a GUN to these girls heads saying they MUST have secs with these eminem loser guys?

you can’t be USED for something without your permission!

july 12

horry sheet, invited to interview with the county, ie muh plum choice employer, after submitting 1488 applications and only getting rejections for 13 DAH jobs!

30k, not bad uh? start time of shift is at 3pm though, not ideal but oh well. for this employer, i will take it!

this ridiculous friend of mine, getting up early to do him a favor and he is just pretty much beyond help. it is sad but there is nothing i or anyone else can do. still it has resulted in distance between us. but he clearly needs to stop drinking, but will not. it is ruining his marriage and his life and put a strain on every relationship and friendship he has, but he still drinks. after 2 dui’s, several injuries and hospital visits, several Inpatient treatment stays. still drinking. trying to hide the drinking from the wife but that obv doesnt work. now wife is probably leaving. i really can’t blame her! i could not put up with that either!

but yeah back in the DAY me and him used to drink a lot together. these days i get along with him better when he is not drinking. cuz his drinking is an even bigger problem than my drinking was. but he wont stop drinking. very frustrating and disappointing and sad.

also i am disappointed at my own COWARDICE and BALLLESSNESS with him. I should have put my foot down and said, you HAVE To stop drinking or your wife will leave you, and she will be RIGHT to do so; and NO I am not going to stop by the liquor store on the way back to your house so you can buy little shot bottles of booze that you can sneak past your wife in your pockets. didnt you just go to REHAB in the past 4-5 months I have not seen you? and now day drinking on a day off from work due to a physical injury that was probably related to the drinking?

sheeeeeit. was I this bad to HER? like he is pushing me out of his life with his behavior, I pushed her out of mylife with my behavior?

NO DONT THINK THAT. COGNITIVE DISTORTION. its 2 VERY different things. being a damn incorrigible alcoholic is much different than having Feels for somebody. esp when you have been a Big Drinker for Many years and had Many Would-Be Wake Up Calls but refuse to listen to them.

also luv is more luving and good than drinking, which is blatantly destructive. culture of life vs culture of death hahaha.

yeh its a LOT different and its RIDICULOUS i would even THINK to compare them, and shows how DISTORTED muh thinking is, and with Distorted Thinking like THAT, no WONDER i got into despair and low confidence!!!!!

but yeah i received the invite for muh auspicious 10th interview after i have submitted 260 applications. this makes for some easy math. assuming  1 out of 26 applications leads to an interview and 1 out of 26 interviews leads to a job, I have to then apply to 676 jobs. Not 400 hehehehe. MOVE THE GOALPOSTS hahahaha.

i just went from 65% done with muh job search to….like 40% hehehe. DAMN.

and yet i dont feel BETRAYED by this friend. disappointed and frustrated, sure, but not betrayed. I don’t think i’ve EVER really felt BETRAYED by anybody, not even THAT PERSON. Disappointed, frustrated, heartbroken, let down, left hanging, left in the lurch, left high and dry, abandoned, sure, but not really  betrayed. how could she feel that about me? But I dont know that she does, in fact, chances are she DOESNT, much like I dont feel betrayed by her!

heh. i have an incident with this GUY and I bring it right back to that WOMAN, even though she is out of my life for a YEAR, and he is still hanging on by a thread.

yep the perfect thing to get comfy. triumph of the will and chill. would be nice to have cuddling with a tradwife while watching this hehehehe.

yes i am aware “tradwife” is a joke term for a tranny man. very alt right.

the only other bad thing other than this job being 3 to 11pm is that it is very near HER house. i mean it is almost comically close. I might even be able to SEE her house from there. spy in her window and see her getting fooked by tyrone and leroy and dewayne and rodney every night.

so yeah i dont want to drive by her street if i get this job. it would be funny if i were looking out a window directly into her bedroom watching her fook and suck ingras and eminems and neck tattoo pill popping trash.

i am worried she will become a slut now because she has no real father and she is into ridiculous conspiracy stuff. i was surprised when i learned she WASNT a slut. I just figured she WOULD be. and i am assmad if she can BECOME a slut at age 25 and would rather fook 6 gorillion black dicks than to even say SORRY to ME.

than to even send me ONE TEXT saying sorry for throwing you away like garbage when you were an important person to me for almost three years. i just realized that’s not the right thing to do.

unpleasant thoughts that That Person, my waifu who i am trying to forget and let go of but its a long painful PROCESS and I have to RESPECT THE PROCESS, that she is just a crazy Conspiracy Truther Nutty Slut like sinead mccoalburner.  and i take no pleasure in sinead’s disgrace either! I WISH she were a decent white waifu instead of a nutty slut!!

Note: that person was a lot nicer and a lot less shrill and a lot more laid back and calm than sinead!

676 applications to get ONE job???? is this REALLY what ALL normies must go through?

maybe it is. I just would have liked a little preparation for the reaming hahaha.

also i guarantee those darn baby boomers didnt have to do this. 676 applications. 26 interviews before one job. they just showed up on time with a high school diploma and that was good enough to make 1979’s equivalent of 15 bucks an hour hahahaha.

not bullshitting through 26 interviews about how you are a real team player and hit the ground running and add value, to get a 14 dollar an hour job!

14 bucks and hour, forget 15. 14 is closer to average. just want average. not greedy.

willie nelson, red headed stranger album

1975. regarded as one of his best actual albums not counting like live and greatest hits albums. also want to find a good live album. and something with merle haggard.

meh the album was a little underwhelming, plus i think the uploader has mixed it up to avoid copyright stuff and inserted a bit that was not even willie nelson.  underwhelming overall. was hoping for more band, or maybe every song would be more like “can i sleep in your arms” etc.

yep the woman i luved is giving her body to thugs and deadbeats and eminems and i’m NOT supposed to be angry and jealous? she can do THAT but not even RESPOND to me? and just cuddling with her would have been a life changing, game changer, religious experience for me.

because this job is technically in a law enforcement related agency, i wonder if they give random drug tests to all their employees throughout the year. some places do that. like being a police officer. but what about the slackers in the back office giving Administrative Support to the police dept? do THEY REALLY need regular drug tests?

i mean i just want to start working and start sm0king MJ again hahahaha. i can handle an initial pre-employment drug test, but regular drug tests after getting hired would suuuuuccccckkkkkkk. I guess I would still take the job though. I mean why WOULDNT I. 40 hours a week, no more, union, benefits, 30k a year, municipal office job. COME ON.

 

WE’RE TOO BUSY PUTTING OUT FIRES TO PREVENT THEM

apr 16

wow just got invited to take another damn onsite assessment test, for city office job.

i should be happy. i do better at tests than i do at interviews!!!!!! so this means i have a better shot at getting the job!! tests are more fair for anxious weirdos like me! I am more confident that I can do well on a test, MUCH more confident, than I am that i could do well on an interview.

although Mutual Friend boosted my confidence by saying that the Big Boss at the job which I interviewed for in late 2014 and really wanted and did not get and felt kinda screwed, the Big Boss who I thought hated me, actually liked my interview and wanted to hire me.  so thats kewl. would have been better if he just used his clout to hire me but I guess the Politix were too strong.

heh at this rate I might have an actual interview soon hahahaha. too bad that is where I really bomb hahaha.

what would the trumpenfuhrer do. what would trump say, how would trump act, what would trump DO. TRUMP is really one of the best role models for neet losers like us. imitating his general personality is a GREAT idea.

WHAT WOULD TRUMP DO?

I have no doubt trump will disappoint us if he wins, and end up being more Cucky than he is now. Bowing down to our greatest ally, hahahaha. but its safe to say hes the least cucky candidate, and the things he is saying takes balls. and I like a good populist. I too am a man of the people. and the mere audacity to even SUGGEST The Wall, let alone strongly hammer home the point, were gonna build a wall, over and over again. That probably sealed the deal for many of us. the audacity and balls.

it takes TIME to get to know someone and to really like them. when I first met That Person, I felt favorably towards her, but I was much more dialed down. I dont know this person, I dont fully trust them, lets keep them at a distance until they prove themself. and she did. it takes time. its not possible to happen quickly. there is no FAST TRACK. it doesnt work that way. it doesnt go both ways sometimes. thats just the way it is. you dont have to like. i personally like it, i think it is right and just and makes sense. to get to know a person and trust them and love them….takes TIME. it doesnt happen overnight. you cant easily replace them, and you cant easily detach from them.

really that was the best, closest rel I ever had with a woman, period. other friendships with women gradually drifted apart due to the fact that people moved and we didnt see each other regularly. maybe if i had seen them more regularly, over a longer period of time, we wouldnt have drifted apart. but the drifting apart was peaceful and amicable and no hard feelings. not like here.

also we both lived in the same area, saw each other regularly, and the rel got stronger rather than weaker. for me at least. what im saying is that you fookin NORMIES cant tell me i have no right to get upset, because i’m wrong for getting feelings for someone who obviously has no feelings for me.

to that I say, disregard the feelings and just pay attention to the FACT that we have two people who had a long term relship of SOME kind. a long term friendship. just to lose THAT is Very Painful. Can’t you fookin NORMIES understand that? losing a good friend so suddenly and brutally is VERY painful!!!!!!! DAMN!!!!!!

and its real stupid, i think she DOES feel bad about Losing A Friend…..but shes too cowardly to apologize, plus I think Ive reached the point where its too late for her to apologize. if she wants to contact me, she better want to BE with me. for at least a year hahahah. monoamorously. and to SHOW me luv and devotion and loyalty and support. and to WANT to spend time with me. WANT to cuddle with me. not blow me off to hang out with chad. not WANT to hang out with other men. i dont hang out with other women!!!!! so you better not hang out with other men!!! i know life isnt fair, but when you luv each other, you make an effort to be FAIR to each other!

show me more interest. text ME more. text me little hearts and smileys before going to bed.  not texting me 100 times a day, but texting me maybe a COUPLE times a day. have at least ONE positive interaction…..every other day. i could handle every day too. maybe 2 out of 3 days? i dont want to EXPECT too much, hahahahaha.

got the call center help desk customer service textbook i mention a few posts ago. its OK but not great. it would have been GREAT to have right when I got hired at that job, but I actually learned most of that stuff already. through hard trial by fire. this book would have made that process easier in explaining the big picture. so yeah i recommend it. I should have bought it immediately upon getting the job.

BUT it doesnt give shit on what to do if you get confused and dont know the answer. it assumes that all answers can eventually be researched and explained. when they CANT. so how do you deal with that? this book doesnt help you there, and thats the MAIN thing I want help with.

you tell them, I’ll research this on my off time and maybe I can get it fixed or explained in the long term, but dont expect anything. paypal or bitcoin tips would be appreciated since Im not allowed to work on this while at work. I will also argue with higher up teams to try to get somebody who actually does have the knowledge and power to fix this, to take a look at it. they will probably Fob you off by saying they’ve added it to their Long Term Project ROADMAP. and then ignore it forever, hahahaha. cuz they’re too busy Putting Out Fires. Just like level 1. just like any job every. nobody ever prevents fires. we just put them out.

WE’RE TOO BUSY PUTTING OUT FIRES TO PREVENT THEM.

damn. it sounds terrible, but i liked hanging out or being around HER, more than I liked hanging out with my other frands. They are just not as much fun and we dont have as good a “connection” as I thought I had with her.

you are NEVER too busy putting out fires to prevent them, because you can be doing the fire prevention on your free time. after everyone else leaves for the day to go being with their families or work on their masterz degrees. then you do some pro bono work and work to prevent the fires. you expect to get paid for your work goy? thats your first mistake! stupid goyim, hehehehe.

april 17

now Im watching the shining on tv and dont enjoy it as much as i thought i would. and now shelley duvall is reminding me of THAT WOMAN. does she really look like infamously ugly shelley duvall? kind of actually, but better looking. much nicer hair than shelley duvall hahaha. but it is interesting how a very plain jane woman like shelley duvall ever became a “leading lady” for even 1 movie. now i have to see what happened to her.

looks liek she “dated” that sleazy slimy J paul simon for 2 years in the 70s. why would you do that?

because she was probably taken with him being a famous damn singer who honestly wrote some good songs, to care that he was a sleazy sneaky scheming little J! shit even I enjoyed graceland and rhthym of the saints and simon and garfunkel. two sneaky little J’s there!

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Shelley_Duvall

even nice ugly shelley duvall has been been with too many men. a real slut hahaha. has a casual attitude towards sex which shows no respect for life and shows she would be a terrible mother. did she ever have children?

wikipedia mentions no children. so now she is a 66 year old catlady.

well its GOOD she never had children then.

see thats a terrible thing to think about a nice white woman from texas. if she hadnt been snatched up by robert altman, who was obsessed with her, she wouldnt have gotten into hollywood degeneracy.

was altman a J? why didnt HE just marry her before she got too far gone?

I generally respect altman, well I really liked “short cuts.”

hmm not J at ALL, and raised CATHOLIC, educated by jesuits. well he couldnt marry shelley duvall, he had been married to his wife since 1959 until his death in 2000 something and they had many children. well good for them.

hehehehe

anyway I guess I like those plain jane, horseface shelley duvall type women. AS LONG as they are white, AND not fat, AND not a potato shape / stumpy. AND not slutty AND no kids, hahahaha.

but I am kinda a potatoe shape! i think this is “ENDOMORPH.”

well I am working Hard to improve that.

the previous woman was kind of a plain jane too.

basically it means not dressing like a slut, or a slutty slob, or wearing too much makeup, or wearing very tight clothes, etc. you dont NEED to put your bodies so MUCH on display, and you shouldnt WANT to. its a sign of a degenerate society. moral decline.

men and other women can tell you have a decent body WITHOUT wearing tight or revealing clothes. so theres just no reason for it. dont have to wear a burka or beekeeper suit. just dont weak super tight or revealing clothes. wear less slutty as opposed to More Slutty Jeans. dont wear little tank tops with Tits hanging out. dont wear super short shorts. dont wear things that your father wouldn’t approve of. and your father in heaven too hahahahahaha.

you dont need to dress SEXY to prove to everyone you have an attractive body.

no need to make everything SEXY. sex is a private, intimate act. not something you display in public to the whole damn WORLD.

so I really liked that she never seemed to dress “SEXY”. even though she didnt have a father to teach her not to. not that she dressed like a slob or rodeo clown. she just didnt wear super tight or revealing clothes or lots of makeup. not around me at least. she probably dressed like a total fook me slut when she hung out with other guys!!!!

BITCH! BITCH! BITCH!

well I overreacted too. I acted like a CRAZY PERSON!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

And believe me, I am NOT proud of that. I am ashamed, scared, embarrassed. I dont want to be a crazy person.

how could I ever have a decent rel with a woman if I GO CRAZY every time something goes wrong?

yeah well things went REALLY wrong here, it was the end of the rel. in a more harsh than average way. it would cause a NORMIE to go a LITTLE crazy. so it made me go high medium crazy hahaha.

yeah i know she was scared and maybe weak. i was scared and definitely weak as hell.

she had all the risk factors to become a HUGE slut. so it was all the more amazing that she was NOT slutty at ALL. but it could certainly still happen.

it doesnt matter! it doesnt matter! im done with her!

but i didnt want to be. i wasnt ready to be. so what. stop complaining about it.

heh i dont WANT to stop complaining about it!

little 37 minute, 320 calorie slow jog around the gayborhood hahaha. no its a great neighborhood, mostly white upper working class good catholic people. nothing fancy, but no riff raff either. exactly the kind of good family neighborhood that is ENDANGERED in current year. Unfortuantely I might never Grow Up and be able to live in a neighborhood this nice of my own accord someday and raise a family there. I should have been well on my way by now.

yeah i was stupid and foolish and dumb to fall in luv with her….but luv is often foolish and dumb. it wasnt a bad aggressive hostile hurtful thing. it didnt need to be responded to so aggressively. passive aggressively i mean.

ok. no ones disputing that.

or are they?

I guess I want THE APPROVAL OF NORMIES AND WOMEN, that what I did not deserve being responded to like THAT. That she REALLY COULD HAVE and SHOULD have been a little nicer.

Cuz I think the jury of Women and Normies would side with HER and be AGAINST me!

when I have no idea thats the case.

against, my need for Arbitration and especially Judgement and Verdicts.

Who was MORE WRONG.

SHE was, of COURSHE!!!!!

I was foolish and dumb, but she was cowardly and didnt lift a finger to do the right thing.

I tried to do the right thing A LOTTTTTTTTTTTTT more than she did, which was not at all!!!!!!!!!

i tried to do the right thing, she ran away from doing the right thing!!!!!

well thing is, pretty much everyone i know that ive told about this doesnt think I did anything WRONG or BAD and that she is overreacting a bit, and it would have been NICE if she responded to me, and that this SUCKS for me.

so thats good ahahaha.

so people understand why i am upset, but not why i am SO upset, or why i luved her so much, and why i cant just get over her more quickly.

because it takes me a loooooooong time hahhahaha.

she got over her 5 year, first real BF ever, quicker than it is taking for me to get over her, and i never even fooked her in the ass 90000000 times hahahaha. gave it to her ass to mouth like a disgusting slut hahaha.

which is to say, i dont want her to become a disgusting slut like that. or one that has casual sex and sucks dicks of guys she just met. some women are dick sucking whores. it takes a few dates to fook them proper, but they will suck your dick within 15 minutes. that is still horrible. my daughter will never do that hahahaha.

dont be a dick sucking whore. dont be a dick fooking whore. dont get near the guys dick until you are in a longterm, monogamous rel with him for at LEAST 6 months. you can get pregnant from this, you disgusting moron degenerate. this is serious shit.  this is not a fooking GAME. dont you get nervous about this? do you really want the thousand cok stare? is that what you want?

you SHOULD be cautious and apprehensive about secs! you can get pregnant!

really I would love for them to have some kind of deeper moral reason, like secs is something Sacred or Holy or Special and its Gross and Wrong to do that with someone you dont know. its a SPECIAL thing you ONLY do with someone SPECIAL. NEVER casually, never randomly.

apr 18

rejection email from hospital materials clerk job, basically a warehouse or storage or supply house for the hospital. probably about 12 DAH hahahaha. well at least they were nice enough to reject me. maybe they were looking for somebody with a masters degree or above hahaha. someone with 300 college credits. Technically I have more college Credits than people with masters degrees hahahah. I was just veyr unfocused and took a lot of useless classes and did not declare a second degree.

no they probably are looking for someone with

  1. recent warehouse experience of more than 1 year
  2. no gaps
  3. someone with LESS education.

lessons learned:

  1. remove degree education from resume
  2. lie about gaps
  3. lie about warehouse experience. that is prob easier than lying about gaps. because I could just lie and say my actual real honest truthful jobs, contained some warehouse duties (lie.) add a lie to a base of truth.

its like lying and saying you have experience with SAP for an accounting clerk job when really you only have very basic experience with quickbooks. 10 years ago. and received clear instruction there. which you later learned that clear instructions are frowned upon. figure it out yourself if you have any initiative or self-starting.

so, better to do it WRONG if it means you dont have to ask for help and look weak or dumb or uncertain or beta or underconfident.

speed is more important than quality. better to give 99% instead of 120%, because its likely ONLY YOU would notice that extra 20% anyway, and it’s gonna slow you down from completing more 99% tasks. 99% is Good Enough.

hahahahahaha eat shit you fat bastards.

who the fook commits crimes within a 1 mile radius of the city police station. I get a daily crime email of crimes in muh city. usually just 2 or 3 Larcenies or Frauds. breaking into cars. sometimes stealing tyres and leaving cars on blocks hahahaha.  and people getting charges on a credit card they never opened.

this fox news anchoress is very attractive and has VERY big buxom breasts, and I think it is unprofessional to show even ONE CENTIMETER of tit cleav4ge. unfortunately this is harder to accomplish with women with above average sized breasts. but i believe they must take up that cross nonetheless. its not that it will cause men to rape you, like the barbaric mudslims which some women seem to prefer over their own countrymen. its that its sleazy and shows no self respect or modesty.

damn. received second rejection email of the day, for health care company, general clerk. I was cautiously optimistic about this one, only called for a high school education or GED, and the duties did not sound super duper highly confusing. probably a 13-14 DAHJ hahaha. they never say the wage unless its a municipal or union job.

moved that into the “job rejections” folder hahahaha.

got 8 rejections in the past 12 days, not too bad.  hahahaha

was at a bar/restaurant i had never been to yesterday for social/entertainment event, in a very quaint and middle class area, and was very attracted to the waitress hahahahah. I thought about steathfully Asking Her Out hahahaha. but it was a huge event and all the waitresses were running around serving like 200 people. I would lose my mind doing their jobs!!!!! it was nerve wracking just to imagine it!

it was an older middle class community with smaller but very well kept houses. as opposed to the newer middle class communities with huge stupid mcmansions and no “main street” and no trees and no “walkability.” i much prefer the older style. it seems like a “real neighborhood.” you could walk to the neighborhood bar, get raging falling down drunk, then walk back home to your fat potato wife you resent because thats the only woman you could find who wouldnt leave you hahahaha. or more likely you live alone and havent been with a woman in 10+ years, or are a basement dwelling neet at home hahaha. then you shouldnt be drinking in bars, its too expensive. but the social aspect is important. getting raging drunk around other people hahahaha and seeing qt waitresses you can go home and jerk off to hahahaha. so what you do is, you sneak in a bottle of cheap whiskey or vodka in your trench coat or geeky cargo pants hahahahaha, and chug it in a bathroom stall, and then order like water hahahaha or cokes.

ok got muh 10 job apps in for the day hahahaha bitches.

use your chrome autofill settings to remember zip codes and addresses from jobs from 10 years ago:

chrome://settings/autofill

REJECTED!!! for 14 dah (they actually stated the wage) order entry job at metals supplier. and I DID lie and said I had 1 year of “order entry” experience! received rejection email same day as applied.

that cowardly bitch was good at one thing, besides being a dirty dick sucking fatherless whore hahahaha, she was good at cranking out job applications for stuff she was woefully unqualified for. probably tons of spelling mistakes and shit too. but that is how she got a 15 DAH full time job and is a much bigger winner than me.

well, actually thats not how she got her job. her longterm BF worked there, and he got both her AND me in there. I got along with him allright and he was not jealous and butthurt that his GF had male friends. probably because he was Emotionally Checked Out and preparing his Exit Strategy, or hoping he would be distant enough that she would dump him. I think ultimately he had to dump her. Wish I knew more about that drama hahaha. as i say, he was a decent guy, but their rel had reached its Natural End.

today I learned that over the last 9 months, my 401k has actually gained like 30 dollars despite a god damn 13 dollar per quarter FEE. in other words, its got to make more than 13 dollars a quarter or else I should roll it over or something. can you roll it over into a regular savings account? would their Member Services people even KNOW that? that assumes they get Training in Frequently ASked Questions. which i wouldnt be surprised if they DIDNT. dont blame them, blame the company which is Managing your god damn 401k. blame fidelity hahahahahaha.

but at least I got my underpants in the mail today hahahaha. that is how awesome I am. Using my huge amazon gift card from doing consumer research to buy damn underpants off amazon hahahaha. the same ones I would buy at the Megamart. super soft hanes boxer shorts.

2016-04-18_15h19_58

this is the open documents tab of muh notepad++.  the top cover letter is a short one:

Dear [company] Talent Acquisition team:

I am the ideal candidate for the [official title] position. I demonstrate exemplary detail-orientation, problem-solving, and communication skills, and I am a very motivated team player. I am committed to supporting the workforce and clientele of this organization, and to finding creative ways to maximize production efficiency and reduce operating costs to an absolute minimum. I have excelled in multi-tasking and problem-solving, and I take great initiative in quickly mastering new knowledge and procedures. I have excelled in completing complex technical procedures to strict quality standards, and in making decisions and taking action in complex, urgent situations. I look forward to an opportunity to discuss this position with you.

Sincerely,

Bubba Bigglippz Bluegumz
555-666-1488
semiteslayer@anuddashoah.il

this short one is good for pasting in the indeed apply now button box. and the bottom one is, as the filename insinuates, is longer than that. i use the shorter one a good 80% of the time.

I WAS WILLING TO WORK ON THINGS. SHE WAS NOT. SHE JUST WANTED IT TO END.

You cant MAKE somebody want to work on things. you cant MAKE them NOT want it to end.

if you want to make it work, and they want it to end……its never going to work. its always going to end.

if one person wants it to end, that always wins out over one person wanting to make it work.

its like rock paper scissors. but NOTHING beats it. NOTHING.

so why not play that option every time? i mean that would be a shitty game of rock paper scissors if you played rock every time and it beat everything.

but a rel is not like rock paper scissors. and wanting it to end is not like rock. its a bad metaphor. rock paper scissors is MORE FAIR hahahaha. more checks and balances.

I applied for an Accounts Payable Clerk job today at some kind of car dealership and this was a new low of stupidity. It gave you five terms and asked you to explain your experience on each. This is actually maybe not bad becuase it gives me a chance to show my bullshitting and communication and writing and intelligence skills before the interview, because I blow interviews, but I do better on tests.

here it is: QUOTE from muh what to say during interview fiel:::::::::::::

As a Technical Support Biotch for Big COmpany, I demonstrated determination or grit on a daily basis. Most of my callers were facing urgent technical problems in which errors were preventing work, and I needed to resolve them quickly. Determination was necessary in exercising good judgment, and in persistently carrying out that judgment with callers who may be skeptical, technically-disadvantaged, or uncooperative. We had to be skilled at giving bad news when necessary, and in dealing with fast-paced, potentially confusing situations.
Determination
Please explain a situation where you recently used the characteristic of determination. The situation that you explain can be in either a personal or professional setting.

stupid car dealer accounts payable posting has darn short answer interview questions. i guess this is a good thing.

=========

At Big Company Help Desk, I showed respect to all team members. We had an urgent, fast-paced work environment, and often asked each other for advice or assistance. I was very willing to offer help, because I appreciated the value of receiving help when I needed it. I went out of my way to offer help and build the morale of my team. I treat others as I want to be treated. I enjoy being treated with respect, so I am proactive in showing that respect to others. You do not need to be somebody’s best friend in order to show them common courtesy and respect. Mutual respect makes for a positive and more productive working environment.
Respect
Please explain a situation where you recently used the characteristic of respect. The situation that you explain can be in either a personal or professional setting.
3000 character max. (2351 characters left)
same stupid company
=========
Integrity
Please explain a situation where you recently used the characteristic of integrity. The situation that you explain can be in either a personal or professional setting.

In my perspective, integrity means accountability, honesty, and straightforwardness. You stand behind the work you produce and don’t try to withhold information from clients or colleagues. You present both the pros and the cons of any given situation. You make the clients aware of any risk factors or small details which are very important, but may be easily overlooked. You make sure everyone is well-informed and on the same page, so as to minimize surprises or unintended consequences. You tell the whole truth even if it is something that might not make the client happy. You do not overpromise things you cannot deliver just to be a people-pleaser. You try to go above and beyond for all clients, but do not promise more than you know you are capable of. It’s also crucial that you follow through with clients to make sure they are satisfied and to see if they have a need for any additional service or information. You also don’t give clients a “runaround”, tell them “we don’t handle that”, or leave work unfinished. You are accountable for your work and if you don’t have the authority to help a client, you will personally introduce them to someone who does.

3000 character max. (1831 characters left)

come on guys
============

Vision
Please explain a situation where you recently used the characteristic of vision. The situation that you explain can be in either a personal or professional setting.

Vision can either refer to the mission of the organization, in a big picture sense, and on an individual level, it can refer to your own sense of good judgment. It’s essential for team members to have good judgment and be able to make well-informed decisions with their projects and clients, so that each individual can add value both for the clients, and for the organization as a whole. A team composed of many people all exercising good judgment can then build a positive trajectory for the organization over the long-term, as the company moves forward in providing more value to more clients.

3000 character max. (2404 characters left)

really this is just getting tediuous.
====

Empathy
Please explain a situation where you recently used the characteristic of empathy. The situation that you explain can be in either a personal or professional setting.

Empathy is critical to both work and personal success. You need to be able to put yourself in the other person’s position in order to build a productive relationship with them. Listen to what they are saying and how they are saying it. Show the client that you truly understand their issue and how it impacts them, without being patronizing. Then take ownership of their issue and tell them how you are going to solve it. Follow through with them until they are satisfied. Deliver on your promises and build positive relationships with clients. Empathy is the cornerstone of a great customer experience. You have to care about the clients’ wants and needs, and gain their trust in your ability to serve those wants and needs.

I’m not describing specific situations, so this will probably be thrown into the trash. Im trying to demonstrate my BS skills tho.
====

END QUOTE

so that was it. all for a damn 13 DAH job hahahaha.

I was thinking a simple solution to all the worlds problems would be to take the 4 years of high school, and make the final 2 years a damn associates degree. essentially cut high school in half and do the final 2 years at a community college so you have an associates degree by age 18. then you can get a bachelors degree by age 20 if you want. there is NO WAY HIGH SCHOOL should take 4 years, train you for NOTHING, and eat up 4 of the most valuable years of your life, where you are strong, health, you body and brain works well, you can learn everything faster and better. you could PROBABLY get the full bachelors degree done by age 18, but I am being conservative here. full 2-year associates degree level of training by age 18, the traditional end of high school. well trained for many entry level jobs to make 15 DAH and be a productive Tax Payer and support yourself.

why wouldnt FEDGOV want MORE TAX LIVESTOCK hahahaha. its in FEDGOV’s best interest to have employable youths!!!!!! not fookin layabout neets who become criminals and isis and welfare and active shooters and neets and dead weight! consumers not producers! eaters not feeders! takers rather than givers to uncle sam!!!!!

i like to think those bullshit answers i gave are good enough to get an interview for a damn 13 DAH job! but maybe they earned me the politeness of a rejection email at least hahahaha.

i gotta get back to flashcards. make 100 flashcards of the most important things I need to know. maybe 50 about that woman and 50 about job related stuff.  i only learn things with flashcards. therefore, make flashcards.

MAKE FLASHCARDS.

I have a number of flashcard worthy things in here.

i have bundles of old flashcards saved that i could probably use.

yeah so i was annoying and pushy. that was not super cool. but she was WAY MORE super uncool. come on. write an email or something, EVENTUALLY.

im sorry i was pushy. but it didnt hurt her as much as she hurt me hahaha. i just annoyed her and made her roll her eyes and go ugh. she broke muh heart and devastated me hahahaha.

did 4.2 mile walkjog, burn 480 calkories. was listening to type o negative “dead again” and in the song “september sun” which starts off like a ripoff of motley crue “home sweet home”, but sort of gets better, there is a catchy TON style chorus where he says “leave her…leave her alowowowone.” and so then I always think “damn pete, I AM leaving her along. she wanted to be left alone, i left her alone 9 months ago. I sent her about 1 email per 11 days during the last 34 days of our “contact” and she never responded. then that was IT. then i left her alone forever.

yes I was pushy to her beforehand. and yeah she did tell me once. sort of, to maybe not be so pushy. and I know we dont always owe people reasons or explanations, and NO is a COMPLETE SENTENCE.

I dont know. I think when you KNOW someone for 2.7 years, you DO sort of owe them an explanation, or at least an email, and not to expect them to be okay with being SHUT OUT completely for an indefinite period of time. it has to be a TWO WAY STREET.

I’ll give you time and space, BUT YOU HAVE TO GIVE ME A TIME WHEN WE’LL MEET. one month or so.

ooo theres a good flashcard.

ok i just made 4 flashcards to start. pretty basic stuff. thats the POINT.

  1. I want to work on this relationship. Are you willing to do the same, or do you want to end it? we need to COMMUNICATE.
  2. If you want to get out of this rel, I’d appreciate being treated with respect and common courtesy.
  3. I will give you time and space, but…(flip card over)….it would be NICE f you give me an exact time we will meet and talk about this. and/or some kidn of explanation.
  4. We need to talk NOW.
  5. I feel sad and rejected when you avoid hanging out with me for months.  (might be accusatory: try when we haven’t hung out for months and you always say no when I ask you again and again hahaha.)

stupid ass what to say during the interview file

QUOTE

I used to struggle when a caller would claim that, in the past, they were able to do something, or the program had a certain feature which it doesn’t seem to have any more, but I didn’t know enough about the program or the process to know how it has changed over the course of several years. Often it was difficult if not impossible to find irrefutable evidence of when a feature was removed. Maybe the feature was instead relocated or repurposed instead of removed entirely. Asking an SME (level 2), they might respond, this was never possible, the caller is mistaken. Not having mastery and experience with the program or procedure, I would have to take my SME’s word….but the caller might not be willing to. Very often people don’t like to be told they are wrong. I could not simply tell the caller they were imagining things. I would tell them I haven’t found any evidence that the feature they’re looking for still exists, and that when I checked with an SME in the subject, they said they couldn’t find any evidence it still existed either. I can continue investigating, but it does not very hopeful, and there’s a good chance I will come back to you 10 minutes later with the same answer. In this case, the caller would most likely sigh in annoyance and say that’s all right, I’ll work around it. Then I would apologize and submit a formal feature request on behalf of the caller, but also warn them that although I could guarantee their request will be read and considered, I cannot guarantee a callback or that the request will be approved, and I have absolutely no estimate on when it may be implemented. If implemented it would take at least 3 months. I apologize for the inconvenience. I can see how that feature was convenient, and I don’t have an explanation as to why it was removed.

OR I would take ownership of the case myself, as I would probably not get permission to escalate it from the original SME/level 2 who was saying the feature didnt seem to be available any more. I would research the issue on my own free time and then call the caller back with the explanation within 48 hours.

During that time I would consult with different SME’s and see what advice, evidence they could offer; or see if they would be willing to escalate the case to tier 3, who has the power to actually engineer the system. Developers, engineers, QA. Then I would call the caller and inform them of this update. Then I would bookmark the case and follow up with it every several days until it was closed. If it did not appear to be moving forward, I would contact the last agent who worked on the case and say I’d like to follow up with this caller, could you please tell me what is the resolution to this case, and would you like to close the case or should I? because sometimes level 2 and 3 want to maximize their case close numbers.

Also, if the case were closed without the caller being contacted, I would contact the caller and let them know the resolution. if there were not a clearly noted resolution, I would contact the last agent on the case, and ask them to update the case with a full resolution and I will call the caller, or they can call the caller if they want to. Either way, let me know. the caller deserves follow up.

END

anyway my point was when a caller argues with you, why cant I do this any more, just a couple months ago I was able to do this, whats changed, how do I do this now, and you’re like i dunno I have no idea what you can and cant do in this weird complicated program, and i have no idea whats changed. let me ask level 2.

ok level 2 says that cant be done your wrong.

well your level 2 is wrong, i swear I did this about 4 months ago.

ok. ok. let me get back to him and see if we can send a case up.

ok he doesnt want to approve escalation. (well its bad to go down this route, because then they’ll want to talk to level 2.) well heres what I can do for you. I can research this and call you back within 72 hours, but I’m probably not gonna be able to get any help from higher up on this, and 80% chance our answer is not gonna change. were not gonna be able to do that thing, and I wont be able to find any documentation that it was taken out. They might not have taken it out, it might have never existed in the first place, and the first level 2 was right. or they might have taken it out and then not made a note of it. or they might have taken it out and made a note of it, but I have no access to their documents, and to help me, they’d have to escalate a case and work on themselves, and they dont wanna….i mean…umm…..IT IS WHAT IT IS. NOT GONNA HAPPEN. NOTHING WE CAN DO. IT IS WHAT IT IS. you might have been able to do this in the past, but you cant do it any more, period. it sucks, but IT IS WHAT IT IS.

hahahaha.

how would that woman handle it?

shed say sorry cant do that any more is there anything else i can help u with

and then the person would say ugh im not gonna get anywhere with this moron

and that woman would never think about it again, never look into the issue again, it would never bother her again.

and i would go crazy trying to provide evidence of when they took the feature out.

it might not even be an important enough feature to warrant noting if they took it out. but I have no sense of PERSPECTIVE on the damn program. you dont have any perspective on anything in the first 6 months.

one thing i wish i had done more is when I was able to transfer a caller to another department, was actually do a conference call with that other department, just to see what they actually DID. I would never be found out, my phone would look the same, like i was still on the call, which I technically WAS!!!!!

Also the idea of Unofficially Taking Ownership so that I could call back a caller. but since you couldnt get approval for After Call Work if it was gonna take more than 10 minutes of research…..if you wanted to do 30 minutes of research, ya better do it unpaid on your free time hahaha. double whammy there. on the other hand, it would be good studying, and you’d probably be worried about it anyway, and study it anyway, so why not tell the caller you’ll call them back in……72 hours. and if they bitch at you, tell them you’re doing this in your free time, when I should be spending time with my family. simply because no one higher up thinks this is worth someone of their intellect looking at this case. so you’re stuck with me.

I can also put you back into the general queue and hope the next person you get is better at this than me.

i mean if you tell a person you cant do this, and you’ll have to hold for 10 minutes just to get an explanation why you cant do it……they will probably say that’s ok, its not worth it. so you can play that gambit.

you don’t learn this type of stuff from books, and you don’t learn it from co workers. you figure it out for yourself while you are trying to fight your way out of the most ridiculous situations with no help. thrown to the wolves.

damn i should have just transferred people right back to another level 1.

but see thats….i dont know. if they get a good level 1 who can help them, thats good….but then that level 1 would be smart enough to look at that persons history (maybe) and see that I just talked to them a few minutes ago and closed the case without resolution. because you dont want to note that you transferred it back to level 1. also better to just close the case and say nothing, rather than lie and say you told them IT IS WHAT IT IS. although that is probably what you SHOULD have told them.

it’s tricky knowing what kind of lies and omissions you can get away with in the case notes!

because you HAVE to cut corners in order to reach the bare minimum! quota or target or goal or whatever metrics.

but you cant say this in an interview!

also, i dont LIKE cutting corners! were not talking about giving them 99% here. more like 60%. 60% isnt good enough for me or my callers hahahaha. 99% is though. but muh level 2’s arent giving me the support I need to get to 99%! because THEY are stretched too thin and dont have enough time or people to give you the help you need!

so the only solution is to MAKE more time by doing this work off the clock.

heh. i was just angry that i was willing to do this but SHE was not. she would be flying out the door the second her shift ended. you were TECHNICALLY allowed to be 10 minutes late without penalty. at 11 or 12 minutes, you officially got points. so guess what she did. yes. cut it super close ALL THE TIME. while I was getting in 30, 45, 60 minutes BEFORE start of shift to read email, look at cases, make coffee for people, go to bathroom and have nervous coffee shits, show managers and level 2’s i was a team player.

she doesnt need to do that because everyone likes her because she is a purty gurl.

now she can cancel this out by being a huge bitch, and many women do.

but she is usually super nice to people so, she prob wont. everyone will say what a NICE gurl, i wish I had a gurlfran or wife like that, i always date these bitchy bitches, why aren’t there any NICE women any more, oh thank GOD, here’s one!!!!!!!!!

 

HELLO WORLD: GURLCODER LADYBOSS HAS 1/8th THE KNOWLEDGE OF A STREETSH1TTER H1B STINKING UP THE OFFICE WITH CURRY MICROWAVE, CURRY FARTZ, and CURRY B.O.

mar 25

and indians are high on the list of my favorite nonwhite races. I just never had the dubious “privilege” of working with h1b indians in a tech office. i hear its horrible hahahaha. my experience is limited to christian indians at church and they are very nice hahaha.

shit. just feel unable to do any job. projecting confidence when you have NONE because you dont know what you are doing, and getting help is Frowned Upon. Figure It Out Yourself and Stop Wasting My Time. And Figure It Out Quickly, time is money. maybe you’re not a good fit here. maybe you’d do better at a 9 DAHJ. not quite ready for the 15DAH Grown Up League Prime Time Are Ya? how old are you again? Shit we have level 3’s making 20 DAH who are younger than you!

http://www.fastcompany.com/3058251/the-future-of-work/why-learning-to-code-wont-save-your-job

this is what i’ve been saying. ANYONE can learn to write a compsci 101 first day of class hello world program, and then pat themselves on the back for being a 15 year old gurl who’s well on her way to a powerful career as a ladyboss gurlcoder. when the fact is, it takes years of grueling, obsessive, autistic training and study and struggle to become a Real Coder, to Think like a coder, to gain the Coders Mindset, and to write actually valuable programs that companies will pay you for. All the Streetshitter H1B’s have at least bachelor of compsci degrees if not masters, do you? can you outcode them? now I hear that good american coders consider the h1bs to be generally shitty coders, but I would still think the h1b’s are better coders than some 20 year old gurl going to a 2 week code camp. i took like 4 full courses dedicated wholly to coding  and i still dont know shit. you have to learn how to Think Algorithmically.

do you know how to use pointers and polymorphism? if that sounds like Gibberish, congratulations. that’s about one-eighth the knowledge of a standard streetshitter h1b getting paid 15 DAH to code and stink up the office with Fish Curry in the Microwave and Curry Farts and Curry BO hahahaha.

wow this magazine (fastcompany) is discouraging hahaha. makes you question why you want to get a degree and work a stupid office job.

when you see the higher ups go into a meeting and stay there for an hour and you think, why can’t I ever have meetings? I want authoritative advice and knowledge! Train us! Train us! Help Us! and Those lucky bastards get to sit in a meeting for 45 minutes and not answer phones with Trick Questions like I do! this is like them going to Class and Learning the material, while I just take the Test all day that I am unprepared for!

well, hopefully you’ve identified at least one level 2 who is nicer than the rest, who doesn’t treat you like an idiot. Funny that these nice level 2’s might be viewed as dumber by the more arrogant level 2’s. doesnt matter. anyway. hit up your friendly level 2 and say, what was that meeting about, can you share with me any of the Training Decks or PDF’s or powerpoints that they had during the meeting. Just email them to me or better yet, show me some stuff on the Company Shared Drive, the one that has 100000000000 folders and 1000000000000000000000000000 subfolders and buried in there is some useful stuff, lots of old stuff, and its hard to tell the difference between useful and nonuseful stuff because you just don’t know whats right and whats wrong, what’s smart and whats dumb. NOTHING makes sense. so you don’t know whats SUPPOSED to make sense, and whats NOT supposed to make sense.

anyway. it sucks knowing that HER life is BETTER without me, and my life is much WORSE without her. she was a HUGE positive in my life. I was just an annoying negative that she wanted to cut out, like a cancerous tumor or a newly conceived human baby life.  just get rid of it.

actions speak much louder than words,  BUT we should also  take into account that you can get NERVOUS and this might make it seem like you dont like somebody, when in fact you really like them. hehehe. or people undergoing stress which makes them angrier or low energy or distracted, and you have to believe them when they say, sorry if i seem bitchy , i’m stressed out, but I still like you.

but STILL. they should give you some FACE TIME, some hang out time. how about 1 hour a week hahahaha in between their family and their stressful career where you are being to solve more and more weird problems, do more with less, know everything, walk on water.

http://goaskalice.columbia.edu/answered-questions/reading-my-date-0

like here. her date might have just been NERVOUS on a first date. the only way to clear up ambiguity between words and actions is to talk to them and hopefully they bring their actions in line with their words.  dont dump a guy because you think he doesnt like you but in fact hes just NERVOUS. havent you ever gotten nervous?

so you like him but then you dump him and then he calls you and says, hey i like you too, i was just NERVOUS! damn! give me another chance! if you like me! and then she says sorry, don’t like you anymore, your chance is over, you blew it, i found a new guy i like who isnt nervous and he fooks me great! all in the span of 2 weeks or less. fooking degenerate children hahahaha.

ok now i am overreacting. there are decent women out there. i am simply taking the worst aspects of HER and building a fantasy nightmare woman that doesnt really exist. and saying that all women are like this horrible demon that isnt even real, but made up of the worst elements of her, worst elements of some other women, and shit that angry hateful mgtows and Red Pill guys say on the internet.

this guy is all about the black pill, there was a rumor he did the college shooting in oregon but he didnt, it was that mulatto hahaha. but this guy eggman is a real hit with the ladies. i guess in this video he says some good stuff though. i wont listen to it though becuase it will probably be discouraging hahaha

http://www.radixjournal.com/journal/2015/10/6/the-black-pill

well at least he is gainfully employed and has a nice car hahahahahahahahahaha

but he is a fat bitter woman hating cigarette smoker and he has to become a hyperborean ubermensch before he can pull a 6/10 hahahaha

but he works 90 hours a week! for 10 DAH!

hes leaving r9k

anyway i guess he seems like a good guy. i think he eventually got an ugly gf hahaha.

http://www.radixjournal.com/podcast/2015/9/23/the-rakes-progress

richard spencer has an actual talking talk with f roger devlin, the mysterious phd famous for his red pilled and brilliant writings on Women

really devlin should make videos for neets and omegas on how to game women hahahahahaha

https://heartiste.wordpress.com/2008/07/23/decivilizing-human-nature-unleashed/

hehehe heartiste writes very favorably of devlin of coursh

http://nypost.com/2016/03/23/potheads-may-get-high-but-their-prospects-in-life-go-way-down/

anyway i hope that eggman guy does alright, i can kinda relate to him.

but yeah. its not surprising that men who have utterly failed with women and always get dumped….are gonna be angry and bitter towards women.

but if you get obsessed about women and read game and mgtow and mra and theredpill stuff all day, and porno, uhhh this will only make you hate women more. you kinda need to do Intentional Ignorance. which is hard to do for Truthseekers and red pill types! but its best to IGNORE the truth about women until you stop hating women so damn much. and then be a strong leader of the women in your life, so they dont leave you for not being a strong leader hahaha.

mar 26

basically, the True Nature of women is so awful that unless you are an alpha male….you WILL hate women. Cuz they just are NATURALLY horrible, until society can get them under control again, with strong husbands and fathers and shaming. not going so far as mudslims, but back to the good old days of white patriarchy where fathers told their daughters dont be a whore. hell no you’re not going away to college to be a whore. you want to date a guy? i have to approve of every guy you date. bring them to me while I clean my gunz threateningly, say you bring my daughter home a minute after 9 pm, I am cutting your balls off. you call me SIR, boy.

no burkas, nothing like that, nothing like barefoot and pregnant. but the women will grow to LIKE being mothers, and will LIKE being a Helpmeet to their Man. They will GLADLY bring him a sandwich without even being asked. They respect and appreciate him.

I UNDERSTAND and GET hypergamy. But I don’t know why hypergamy has to be coupled with such Emotional Violence and Bitchiness. DONT ADD INSULT TO INJURY. I will accept the injury but I wont accept the INSULT. Be NICE to me when you dump me for a Better Man. Treat Betas and Omegas like Human Beings with feelings and hearts. And don’t be huuuuuuge fooking whores.

you can be hypergamous, but don’t be a huge whore or a huge bitch. period.

so, its womens NATURE to be huge insulting bitches and whores? so we must use “nurture” to contain and limit women’s nature?

i dunno i hate to think that womens nature is HORRIBLE. because i dont like thinking that nature should be run out with a pitchfork. thats how you cause problems! by DENYING human nature.

well not everything about human nature is GOOD. for example, our proclivity to eat too much. we do need to learn to control and disclipline ourselves, and women have been Brainwashed by the Media and Culture that Self Control is BAD.

Self control is NOT bad, it’s GREAT. its VERY GOOD.

google how to be stoic

how to be tough

how to be emotionally tough

can you fix something without knowing the cause? probably. But I get frustrated and nervous and obsessive when I dont know the cause.

like with muh job. we would have articles on supposedly how to fix things. or rather what to do. If I were writing the articles, I would have a simple list of steps along with a simple script to say while you do them. then at the bottom I would have a section For Future Reference on WHAT CAUSES the problem, and WHY you do each of the steps you do. Why does this happen, and why do these things fix it, and how can you prevent it.

the articles were just confusing as fook. they were long and complex and they didnt really EXPLAIN anything. they had steps of shit to do, but those steps were written in a confusing bloated manner.

you needed to make your own manual for the manual.

you needed to always read between the lines and try to think what is this REALLY saying. and the level 2’s would TALK to you in the same way.

STOP DANCING AROUND SHIT AND JUST TELL ME STRAIGHT UP. IT IS IN OUR COMPANY’S BEST INTEREST TO RESOLVE SHIT QUICKLY. TIME IS MONEY.

So in terms of time being money, yeah I didnt understand why everything had to be so OBTUSE. shit being OBTUSE costs time and money.

now I can understand not training people. because then phones are ringing while people are sitting in a training session not answering phones.

i was watching “the profit” with this bald gay guy on cnbc and he was actually pretty good. he tries to save struggling businesses. takes a look at all aspects of the business, the management, the finances, the operations, the costs, revenue, margins, training. then he invests a ton of money in it and becomes a very active partner.

like this burger restaurant where he was like these burgers are mediocre, not worth $7 for this shit; your meat and cheese are mediocre and frozen; you drove out your best chef because the management and owners are huge micromanaging assholes; the place is a total mess.

but it raised questions for me. like yeah the place is a mess because it would cost a shitload of money to rent a dumpster and clean out the alley. the floor is filthy because it would cost a shitload of money to move everything out of the kitchen and restaurant and scrub the floor until it sparkles. and would it be worth that expense? does it make you more money if the floor under the freezer is clean? the business is already losing like 5 grand  a month. most of the money was going towards food costs. they were somehow spending TOO MUCH money on that shitty frozen freezer beef. now mr hardcore MBA comes in and wants to spend MORE money on food?

but i did like how he said hey stop micromanaging and being bitches to one of your best employees the chef, you drove him away once, now treat him good because he is valuable to this place.

waaawaaaaa i was never VALUABLE to an employer, always easily replaced.

I was never VALUABLE to a woman, always easily replaced hahahahahaha.

aren’t I valuable?

of coursh not, you have to MAKE YOURSELF VALUABLE!!!!!!!

Yeah well I thought I was valuable to her on SOME level.

I was at the fatclub burning 1000 calories when I saw a young woman who used to work at our workplace. who knows if she still works there. but she was working there when I left. it was weird to see someone who SEES HER EVERY DAY. I wonder if they talk, if they are friends now, if she texted her saying guess who I saw….etc etc etc.

Now I barely talked to this woman and I pretended like I didnt see her. But she was right in front of me and I think she might have seen me!!! But women are GREAT at not noticing people, or at least acting like they don’t notice people. but who knows how much they ACTUALLY notice. since i am paranoid and hate women, i think they notice EVERYTHING so as to use it against you, when they appear like they dont notice you at all.

how can a White Human Being be so horrible?

I’ve noticed a lot of Blacks in MGTOW. Like at least 40% of harcore MGTOW youtube channels are Black American Men. I wonder if this makes MGTOW men more likely to side with black men, because they are men, rather than white women. to find sex more important than race in other words.

anyway its hard to know What Is Women. Are they what TheRedPill says they are, the worst horrible pieces of shit? they sure aren’t perfect princesses. So I think we need a Purple Pill for Women, in that I think the Red Pill view of women goes TOO FAR. Women can’t be THAT bad, can they? I hope not.

Heh. it sucks to doubt your own judgment THIS much. you need to be confident that what you’re doing is right. once you start doubting, then you lose confidence that ANY of your Important Decisions are Correct. Also had this at the job. becuase you had no confidence in your knowledge, you doubted your sense of judgment. YEP i can make 60 decisions an hour, but I’ll never know if they were the right decision! you want to go through and check them? of course you dont have time for that. if you had time for that, you’d have time to train people better so they WOULD know stuff and have Good Judgment.

So What Are Women?

That Sex At Dawn Phaggot actually had ONE good point in that we are now in a state of “Sexual OBESITY”, in that anything and everything is freely available, so we (alpha males and women, not “we” at all really haha) GORGE like GLUTTONS at the feast. Same way since Hearty Food is SO freely available, we GORGE on food FAR beyond our daily needs, and become no self control fat fooks. this is natural given our UNNATURAL ENVIRONMENT. But can an environment ever be unnatural? i dunno, but it can DEFINITELY be UNHEALTHY and BAD. And I guess its human nature to adapt to our environment, good or bad.

Rick MOranis’s hiatus from acting was influenced by his wifes death from cancer and his decision to focus on his children. very honorable. unfortunately he is a J. I guess I shouldnt be surprised by that. but he is a J  I kinda like. I wish he were White because he seems very principled and moral and good and honorable.

well, i have a tendency to IDEALIZE people I like, and to Anti-Idealize/Demonize people I DONT Like. meaning, make them better or worse than they really are. all in my MIND.

anyway basically people having TOO MUCH FREEDOM and in that they can be enslaved by their Desires and Appetites and Id. Betas to Porn, Fatties to Food, and Women to Alpha Carousel during their 20s.

but these are unhealthy SUBSETS of larger groups that are NOT INHERENTLY UNHEALTHY.

hehehe see all the mental gymnastics you have to do to prove to yourself that women aren’t inherently shitty hahaha? why not just accept the red pill then?

because i cant. i cant accept that all women are shitty horrible bitches and whores. i dont want to live in that kind of world.

anyway yeah its weird to see a person who i KNOW saw HER that same DAY. TODAY. yesterday. very recently. I cant get her to respond to me, to say anything to me, she just ends a Significant Longterm Rel by Total Blocking, and then this other woman sees her every DAY. well maybe one of them left the company. I will never know. I certainly didnt talk to this other woman. Like I said I only talked to her maybe all of 1 minute. she seemed very bitchy and slutty as well. had an attractive young body combined with some pretty slutty tattoos. of course that job will make you bitchy. it made me bitchy! and others too. it made everyone more bitchy.  doesnt mean you can’t have an actual friendly meeting outside of work though. nights and weekends baby.

like I see this person, and I know this person JUST SAW THAT PERSON. Well, not if one of them left the job. maybe That Person found a better job and now makes 17 DAH hahahah and is after even more alpha men. but shes an idiot with terrible judgment, who picks awful men, and who has no understanding of what she does. how can she make good decisions and judgment on the job?

it just goes to show you didnt need to be smart or sharp. you just had to go through motions and be unflusterable. get good at saying theres nothing we can do, it is what it is, sorry, is there anything else i can help you with. you didnt HAVE To try to figure stuff out. you just make sure you say this and that and play the game and Hit Your Metrics. she was good at that but horrible at actually understanding things at a deep level. that was where I was starting to get good, by becoming obsessive and a maniac, unsustainably so.  i was PRETTY good at my metrics too. what im saying was i was a better smarter more valuable employee than her. but i was much more flusterable. emotionally unstable. yep i was more emotionally unstable than a damn WOMAN. that does not bode well for the cofidence.

it was like we were playing a game of CHICKEN and SHE won.

we were competing against each other and she won. she Bested me. she outperformed me. she was TOUGHER than me.

But yeah I just cant trust my own judgment on women. and reading anything on the internet sucks. people debate and debate what women really are. and of course women dont know.

yeah its just frustrating. that they are like half the worlds population and you DONT KNOW WHAT THEY ARE. a weird alien living among you. or not because you dont know any anymore.

i saw a person who probably saw HER, yesterday.

it would be different if i were actually on speaking terms with them!

cuz then I would be very tempted to ask, know anything about HER!

i mean i had seen another person from the workplace, this time a man, a few months ago, at the gym. he was kinda a douchebag and i avoided him. i had nothing to say to him. i wonder if SHE is friends with either of these people now. or with the young man I was friends with there. He was a great guy but back then he didnt talk to HER at all. wonder if they talk now. maybe he could tell her hey it might be a good idea to talk to ME. cuz he was the only person i actually TOLD about all this.

haha maybe she and him fooked. i dont think he would sell me out like that, but i dont really talk to him anymore. she of course i dont trust at all. she would totally sell me out like that.

really i thought i could trust her, but i clearly couldn’t. i trusted her not to block me like a stalker. cuz  wasnt damn stalking her. i was just upset she was dumping me by completely ignoring me. this would upset any man. or woman. especially a woman. if a man did this to a woman, the woman would go APESHIT. a LOT worse than i did.

well i am entitled to my feelings as long as i dont violently Aggress against another person. non aggression principle. prime directive. if anything i wish she cared more about my fee fees.

but yeah. i wonder if that girl talks to her, if she told that girl about me, and when that girl saw me, she pretended not to see me, and then told HER that she saw me. are they friends? do they hang out? what did she tell her about ME? that i was a creepy, unstable, bipolar CRAZY PSYCHO. only psychos quit jobs. dont even bother getting my side of the story. crazy psychos dont have valid sides of stories. their stories are crazy and psycho and wrong.

mar 27

is there a website with sample Critical Thinking Puzzles and Problems that you can do? Simulations? choose the next step kind of thing? in a way it was like we were working on Story Problems all day. Complicated, in depth problems where we felt Out Of Our Depth.

went to easter vigil mass yesterday and it was 2 and a half hours long. i thought you could either go to three and a half of these in a row, or go to one day of WORK. sitting in church is a MUCH better idea. because you just sit there and Praise GOD, rather than try to figure out weird problems all day and feel PUT ON THE SPOT all day.

also there was some nice music and singing as part of the mass. i thought well, they HAD to have practiced or rehearsed for this. you know that uncomfortable feeling you get when you listen to a person sing way out of tune, or a musician totally botch the performance. its like, didn’t you even practice this? it sounds like you didnt even practice this. like you just came in here and youre doing it for the first time. how could you think you could get away with that? you obviously suck!

think of a school band that is given a piece of music to play but they’ve never practiced it before or seen it before, but told to try to play it all together. and it sounds like a total cacaphony. many instruments playing the shit wrong.

well imagine you are the whole band, trying to play multiple pieces of music, and what your client hears is this amateur hour bullshit. that does not give them confidence and it sure as hell does not give YOU confidence.

and then every 20 minutes you get another complex piece of music youve never seen before. to perform for an audience which is judging you on your competence.

not sure exactly when i started studying regularly after work. i should have been doing it the whole time. I think it was around january 2015. i had already been there like 8 months. or 7. and only then did i start getting obsessive. now by then my confidence was getting eaten away by new issues and also the situation with HER was going nowhere and getting worse. that prob influenced me more to try to exert more control over my job, because i had no control on what was going on with HER.

it wasnt just that she treated ME as worthless, its that she treated our REL as worthless. thats hard to explain. it was like she didnt care that we once had an important thing, that was important to her too, which she enjoyed being a part of. for years. you wonder, was it ever important? was that whole thing in my crazy mind only? i know it wasnt, but I dont appreciate her treating it like it was.

the level of Problem Solving and COmmunication and Technical training I’m looking for, like stuff that would actually HELP me with my job, is probably so high level that you can’t expect to find it for FREE on the internet. but rather PAY hundreds of dollars for proprietary bullshit.

like my best training was studying the internal company websites, cases, knowledge base, intranet, that you of course had to log into. its not freely available on the Open Internet.

yeah for a while i thought she might be THE ONE. muh soulmate. the person I was gonna spend the rest of muh life with. a person i could get married to, have chirren with. i mean it was serious shit. i hardly even GET ALONG with a woman THAT well, and i had NEVER fallen in Real Luv with one of these rare women before. so i figured that was a sign. This Is The One.

when you get weird computer errors, you think jeez i wish i had someone who knew what they were doing who can help me with this, cuz this shit makes no sense. so then you call a tech support Genius…….who knows NO MORE than you do. does THAT make any sense? and i was that guy.

moreover, how does the AVERAGE person deal with this kind of confusion on the job, handling problems that are really too complicated for their level of training and intelligence, and there is nothing on the internet to help the average employee with these common on the job problems? there arent millions of people like me looking for help with their confusion and nervousness?

i get my travel bug on by “visiting” places through google maps and earth. yesterday i took a “trip” in krakow. looks like a real nice place.

i wonder if the people in BELARUS are any good. you could probably find a great white wife there!!!! everybody forgets belarus is even a country!!!!!!

problem solving tests for employment google

brain games for adults

http://multitasking.labinthewild.org/multitasking/

practice multitasking tests every day to get better at multitasking

i am slightly below average in multitasking speed, so i do multitasking exercises in my spare time to increase my multitasking to ABOVE average! as of now, I am in the TOP 25% of multitaskers!

because if youre NOT, that means you dont deserve a 15 DAH job. so how come everyone you know and all 30000 people you went to college with make more than 15DAH? hahahaha

that woman wanted to stop being my friend because i didnt make enough money for my age. she at around age 25 was making the same money i was making at age 30+. now she is making WAY more, cuz i am making NOTHING.

google how to LIE to people

http://www.wikihow.com/Lie

http://www.wikihow.com/Tell-Your-Boyfriend-the-Truth-About-How-You-Feel-After-Months-of-Lying

http://www.wikihow.com/Get-Your-Overly-Sensitive-Boyfriend-to-Dump-You

hahahahahaha

QUOTE

You’ve gotten involved with a guy who’s used to being babied, a guy who seems to become devastated over the littlest thing. You don’t want to be around him anymore, but you’re scared that if you break up with him, he’ll sob hysterically, beg you not to, and refuse to take “no” for an answer. Worse yet, even if you do manage to break things off, he might keep begging and become more pitiful than ever. One way to get around that is to get him to break up with you. That way, he’ll feel it was a decision he made, and he won’t keep imploring you to take him back.

END

http://lifehacker.com/5951066/how-to-lie-without-actually-telling-a-lie

its more like being creative and coming up with plausible STORIES for something, so you can have a bullshit explanation to go with saying “no” to them. it really doesnt matter what you say as long as it sounds believable. and never are you going to get called out on it. you just don’t put your stupid story in the case notes. you just note “informed caller this could not be done / issue could not be fixed / fix for problem is not available / must start over again. void the transaction”

http://www.instructables.com/id/How-to-lie-to-authority-figures/

http://www.wikihow.com/Break-Your-Addiction-to-a-Person

QUOTE

4

Take note of your communication and interaction styles. In addictive relationships, the pair is usually unable to discuss risky issues and often glaze over certain topics with half-truths. If you notice that you and your partner rarely have truly intimate conversations relating to your personal fears or dreams, you may be in an addictive relationship.[6]

  • Healthy relationships involve intimacy in which conversations go below the surface into areas you would normally not share with the public. These attachments also include give and take from both partners as well as mutual benefit from the attachment.[7]
  • Unhealthy and codependent relationships generally stay above the surface and have few fulfilling conversations. Maybe you are always pretending to be cheerful around the other person, but, inside, you feel sad or confused. You may only ever feel relaxed and happy when the other person is feeling this way. You fear what would happen if you told your lover or friend how you really feel.[8]

END

https://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/extreme-fear/201005/top-ten-secrets-effective-liars

never forget the big picture of why you are lying: to save TIME and MONEY for your company and ADD VALUE, thus justifying them spending money on YOU. you are saving them more money by resolving lots of issues quickly and getting people off the phone, than they are paying you.

why keep somebody on the phone for something your department is not willing or able to fix?

cuz you might say, well they’ll just CALL BACK when the shit breaks AGAIN and your bandaid fix fell off. the bandaid fell off and they want a new one, or a more permanent fix, or a brand new piece of equipment.

i dunno. it doesnt matter. just get them off the phone as quickly as possible so you can take the next call and get them off the phone as quickly as possible. that is how you solve technical problems. by misdirecting and getting the person off the phone as soon as possible, and at best, doing a bandaid fix that is done with all the confidence and elegance of a grade school band trying to play a fooking beethoven symphony.

of special olympians at their first synchronized swimming practice.

http://cbsg.sourceforge.net/cgi-bin/live

the corporate bullshit generator making nonsense but grammatically correct sentences out of corporate bullshit and buzzwords. NOICE!!!!!!

  • The business leaders secure our measure; nevertheless the Chief IT Strategy Catalyst interactively prioritizes a collaborative delivery framework.

that kind of stuff. meaningless mba masterbation.

 

EASY WAY OUT

106

LETTER:

i just wish you hadnt taken the easy way out, it really hurt my feelings. i wish you had shown more empathy and realized that dumping me this way was going to really hurt me, whereas dumping me in a more friendly way would spare me a lot of pain. i thought you cared about me more than that. you used to. when someone cares for you and stops caring for you, it hurts a lot. i dont think you were “faking it” earlier either, i think you really did care for me.

i know i was weak and pushy and annoying, and i know that lots of women simply cannot care for a man like that, but i thought you could remember what we had. that you had known me and wouldnt want to hurt me excessively. but this just feels like getting my heart ripped out by someone i thought i knew and trusted. it really hurt to see you change so much. to go from being a warm nice caring person, one of my favorite people, to someone cold and distant and uncaring and even mean to me. that was just too much for me to take. i appreciated your niceness to me, i liked it, and it built me up, made me feel good and happy. when you stopped being nice to me, i was crushed and devastated.

and i really dont think what i did was bad enough to justify this. either me beign pushy, or me getting feelings for you. neither one of those was bad or abusive or horrible enough to justify being cut loose like dead weight, like somebody you never knew.

at the same time, i am the type of guy who always wants to blame myself. what did i do wrong? how did i push you to do this? i was definitely pushy. so i caused this. i ruined my own life. if i had just acted differently, this would have been all different. i am filled with doubt and questions and self blame and guilt, like i just made the biggest mistake of my life, but im not sure exactly what mistake it was.

but deep down i know that its not 100% my fault. but its hard to shake that feeling. and when you end it this way, by dumping me completely with no communication, that increases the feeling like it was 100% my fault, that i alone could have changed this.

but thats really not the way relationships work. each person has rights and responsibilities. each person “controls” 50% of the relationship, has a 50% share in it. i made mistakes but i think you made mistakes to. i am more than willing to admit to my mistakes and to apologize for them. it does not seem you are willing to do the same. it is like you are trying to make me the bad guy, and that hurts me a lot, because i am the type of guy who would believe that. i can very easily believe that I was the bad guy, that it was 100% my fault.

I think in an abusive relationship there can be a bad guy and a good guy. many times the abuser will try to blame the abused for the abuse, and this is never ever right. (“See what you made me do!  I wouldnt have to do this if you would just behave! dont make me beat you! this is your fault! it hurts me when you make me hurt you!” etc).

so part of me thinks i was that bad guy. but another part of me thinks that the problems were more split between us, and the way we communicated with each other. we communicated very well on many issues, but on several important issues, both of us avoided communication.

for example, our feelings towards each other. neither of us were eager to talk about that openly.

that changed when i got feelings for you. then i was much more willing. i wanted to talk about it then. thats why i was always bugging you to hang out. can you understand how that type of conversation is better had in person rather than thru email, text, or phone?

i legit thought we were gonna hang out and i was gonna tell you about these feelings. i fully expected all that to be done by like october or november. but our hangout just kept getting postponed. i felt like you never wanted to hang out. i would ask you to hang out and you would avoid it. this became a pattern and then many months had gone by with no hangout.

tension was definitely starting to build and i should have just said what i needed to say. so that was my mistake. instead i kept pushing you to hang out. i know you told me to back off and i did try to back off. but after a while i couldnt back off any more. i needed to talk about this.

i am the type of person who needs to get my point across with words and not with signals alone. i was trying to give signals, but i needed to make sure you understood exactly what i was feeling. and for that i needed words, i needed talking and verbal communication.

relationships end, its just a fact of life. sometimes both people want it to end. but in situations where just one person wants to end it, and the other person doesn’t, it gets complicated. its a fact of life the person who wants to stay in, is gonna get hurt. there is no way around that. but the person who wants to end it, can make an attempt to spare the persons feelings during this hard time. i really dont think i was such a horrible person. i think i deserved having you attempt to spare my feelings even just a little.

i know you are going through some tough times with family. i hope things get better or you at least stay strong. i wanted to support you through these times but maybe you dont want my support. that is up to you. just realize that when you reject me it will hurt my feelings. i just thought you would care more about not hurting me. that is what empathy and friendship is all about. you might not completely understand the person, but try not to hurt them. do no harm. treat people as you would like to be treated.

you have gotten thrown away like garbage by people you cared for. abandoned, cut off. i know that broke your heart and made you feel horrible. please dont do that to me. you of all people know how horrible it feels. you are a better person than that, a kinder person. and if you do need to abandon somebody harshly, dont do it to a friend you knew for 2 years. its a bit more acceptable to do this when you dont know the person. but you know me and i know you. it feels like a piece of my heart has been ripped out when you removed me from your life like this. how could i go from beng a good friend to being a piece of trash? i annoyed you and was not a great communicator. does that really make me a horrible person?

i was begging you for mercy. its strange. cuz you used to be merciful to me, and i would never have to beg for it! but this is the time i needed it most of all.

im sorry about your family troubles. but i just wish you hadnt cut me off the way you did. that we could not even have one conversation about it, or that you could not write even one email. its not like we had 10 arguments and got nowhere. i dont know, maybe thats what would have happened. but maybe not. its real shitty that something so good had to end in such a bad way. a great 2 year friendship thrown away without even ONE conversation. that hurts me a LOT. couldnt we have one conversation? couldnt you respond to one email? how could you hate me so much just from being annoying? couldnt you see me as a person behind it all? couldnt you just write me an email?

relationships end, thats a fact of life. but theres a good way and a bad way to do it. this was not a good way to do it. you could have spared me a lot of pain; and left with good karma; and have me remember you a lot better. there was a lot of disappointment and hurt feelings here that didn’t have to be that way.

this hurts me so much because we used to be close once. i hadnt been that close to a woman in years. that helped me build feelings for you. and now all that is gone. even if it hadnt help build my feelings, it was still a very meaningful and important friendship to me, and i am very sad that it ended this way. i wish we could have talked abotu the end of the friendship rather than have me trying to talk and you refusing to respond.

yeah i guess theres nothing that NEEDS to be said, and the situation speaks for itself. you dont want to be part of this any more, and you dont need to say anything, just walk away. well that is somewhat true, but i think the polite and kind and decent thing to do is acknowledge the friendship was good while it lasted, and that you dont hate me as a person. i dont believe ive done anything worth hating. temporary annoyance, sure, but not long term hate.

i was a doormat and i apologized too much and didnt stand up for myself. i should have told you how much it bothered me when you distanced yourself from me.

again i know noone likes a weak man, but i wasnt just some random pathetic weakling. we knew each other for years. do women really hate weakness this much? I can understand that women naturally dislike weakness but this just seems like too much. so in your mind i’d already thrown the friendship away, so you no longer had the responsibility to treat me like a friend?

 

////////////End Letter portion

it has been 84 days since the horrendous shitstorm and i feel…..not as bad as i have, thank GOD. even though i did not sleep too bad.

FLASHCARD: why did she do it? how could she do it?

EASY WAY OUT.

three simple words. because it was EASIER than the alternative of telling me. it was EASIER. this is…understandable in the sense that it makes sense that humans take the easy way out, path of least resistance….even though it may be cowardly, avoidant, shitty, and not the right thing to do. they do it anyway because its easier for them. period. or to avoid stress and anxiety. shit. i have avoided and procrastinated a lot for that very reason.

i just thought the strength of our friendship would convince her to not take the easy way out. that she would remember the good times we had in the past.

because she has some tendencies to get stuck in the past. seemingly “hung up” on some people who have died, in very obvious ways. cant seem to get closure there or let them go.

but she can sure as shit let ME go like i never existed, yet overly grieve for dead people every day?

yep. yeppers.

to the point where you cant even write an EMAIL or a TEXT? i GET that talking is hard and not easy. but sending a damn text is easy as shit, you dont have to face the person!

well….have you ever wrote an important email and then agonized over pressing the send button? i have! emails to her! maybe she did write me emails but just couldnt send it.

also when you are overwhelmed by stress you cant even do simple things.

like in the thick of it, i would wake up in the middle of the night, my mind racing about my STUPID JOB, thinking, well where does this come from? what causes this? in terms of the stupid technical shit. who can fix this? what bullshit line do i say here? and then i would just begin asking retarded questions, like:

how do i tie my shoes? i dont know.

who was the first president? i dont know.

what state do i live in? i dont know.

what year is it? i dont know.

what do you do if you went to bed on wednesday and when you woke up it was monday? can that happen?

what color is the sky?

what if the color blue was really the color orange?

in addition to the ridiculous work-related questions AND the ridiculous woman-related questions. questions and anxieties keeping me up at 3 4 am when i had to get up and do a ridiculous 8 hour shift of being bombarded, overwhelmed, and confused; AND get weird standoffish cold behavior from My Favorite Special Person; actively breaking my heart on the job throughout the day.

nope! couldnt do it any more!

it reached a head when she blatantly stopped talking to me at all. then she unfriended me sometime shortly after. then i hit the fan and sent her emails and confessed my luv for her. then she blocked me.

she had gone from being a nice favorite person to a cold person i could not stand seeing or being around.

well that transformation did not happen overnight. she was being cold for months, but refusing to talk to me kicked it up a notch, to a level i could no longer tolerate, crossed muh boundary in a very aggressive way hahahaha.

but yeah. she has been abandoned by living people too.  and she is pretty good at abandoning living people as well. yet she fixates on the dead you can never bring back.

i guess she is crazy and fooked up! well i figured ALL WOMEN are CRAZY in SOME WAY, its just can you handle it, can you tolerate it. i thought well, i’m just OVERJOYED shes not a huge slut. many women, their crazyness causes them to become huge sluts and ice cold demons.

well she was not a huge slut! and she was very nice to me! woohoo!

but then she became cold as ice and that sucked. still not a slut though.

but at this point she might as well be a huge slut because she has dumped me, removed herself from my life entirely, it is over, and i dont know her any more. this makes me sad as fook and makes her happy. but she can be a huge dirty whore and it doesnt matter any more.

i was not adding value to her life, she was adding shittons of value to my life.

she was worth a lot more to me than i was to her. damn.

of course this is killer to your confidence!

thats why it helps if they can dump you in a nice way. cuz otherwise you do feel rejected Entirely As A Human Being. it is hard for anyone, even harder for neet loser r9k virgin betas like us with low confidence for years!!!!!!

stefan molyneux says stop being a victim! “she seemed like such a nice gurl until one day she turned around and did bal bla bla”. well she did seem like such a nice gurl! she didnt really give huge warning signs!  i was on the lookout! i didnt let her into the Circle of Trust until i had known her for 2 years! and i didnt fall in luv with her till then too!

and i do feel like kind of a victim! i feel blindsided! bamboozled! and we determined that there was nothing i could do that would stop this. i mean i cant CONTROL and dominate people! stefan is also big on win win relationships, that many of us are sadly accustomed to win lose relationships, where its essentially dominance and submission, win and lose, constant anxiety and stress. but we can make them win win by…….. communicating i guess hahahaha. i forget the key how to have win win rels. communication prob is a good thing tho.

anyway people who play the victim take no responsibility for their actions, so they make the same mistakes over and over and over again.

well i take responsibility for my mistake, namely, not communicating sooner and better. i think i have gotten better at the communication in my rels with wimmin. havent gotten many chances though.

the mistake ive been repeating is, i get feelings for women who DONT HAVE FEELINGS FOR ME. one sided bullshit EVERY TIME.

but on the other hand, i dont think i can force myself not to like somebody.

i mean theyre not abusive monsters, they might even be nice decent people…..they just dont return my feelings.

but you like who you like. it would be a problem if i liked abusive monster women!

i guess what ive learned is, dont keep the feelings bottled up. even if you work with the person.

woman2012 was interesting because i was much less good of “Friends” with her than w15. i hung out with w12 once every like 4 months. but i was never bitter at her because of “distance.” we were just never really close thats all.

but with w15 i was a LOT closer to her! we hung out a decent amount before i even liked her! we were very friendly with each other! she was sharing secrets! i should have shared more secrets? or should i have? point is, i was MUCH closer and MUCH better friends with her than w12!

so i wonder why didnt i go fookin CRAZY over w12? i mean i really liked her.

i guess i liked w15 EVEN MORE. and i think that was from that closeness.

then she started pulling away. i told her in muh xmas card to her “we have been friends for a while, and i appreciate you more with each year. you are very special to me and i hope we can get even closer in the new year.” which is definitely a kind of signal. then she started backing off. and wanted me to back off.

completely different situation with w12. so i guess i am not repeating the same situation. actually the situations have been damn different. other than me liking women who dont like me.  but they start off friendly to me!

what do you do if you are in luv with a gurl who has NEVER ever been your friend or never ever hangs out with you?

big trouble hhehehe.

it wasnt just that w15 didnt want to hang out with me ever. it’s that in the PAST, she DID hang out with me semi regularly……THEN SHE STOPPED.

we connected once over a decent period of time. as opposed to a gurl youre infatuated with but NEVER EVER connect with, not even once. nope. was not the case here!

i guess if you have feelings for a gurl and want to let her know……just let her damn know. at least for me thats what i learned about my self. some people are satisfied with signals. like yeah, she OBVIOUSLY doesnt like me, otherwise she would be interested in hanging out with me, and wouldnt be in luv with other guys.

yeah i mean shit. its REALLY pathetic to be all in luv with a gurl YOU DONT EVEN EVER HANG OUT WITH. i guess woman2003 was like that. that sucked too. i mean we hung out in a group but i was never cool enough to hang out one on one with her. that sucks!

but with woman2015 i hung out with her one on one more than any other woman! it was like we were damn official friends! because we WERE for a while! thats why this one hurt the most. cuz i lost the most. i came the CLOSEST.

well i keep getting CLOSE i guess thats a good thing. hahahaha.

in the sense that i bring the feelz to the woman and say here it is, take it or leave it, and they leave it hahahaha. as opposed to being a True Orbiter like i was with woman2003.

so yeah i was Actually Close to woman15. hadnt been that close to a woman in years. so of COURSE it hurt when that was taken away suddenly in the meanest way possible!

decent women who grow up in decent families receive guidance from their parents in the nicest way to Reject A Boy. Decadent Sluts just throw people away like garbage.

but i shouldnt take advice from stefan molyneux because hes NOTORIOUS for running a CULT!!!!!!! separate people form their friends and family and take their money! narcissist and in luv with the sound of his own voice! guiding impressionable youth down the wrong path! never having good relationships with anyone ever yet preaching abotu how to have good rels! when he clearly hates women too! and his rel with his wife is not healthy either! he’s abandoned his whole family! he does not have REAL FRIENDS from school or work or life! he only has inner circle donators to his cult and as soon as they disagree with him, he Defoos from them! shuns them! he’s a shunner and an abandoner! he probably Dominates his wife and poor baby daughter! his daughter is gonna be SO fooked up!!!!!

a TERRIBLE role model in other words! dont listen to this guy for LIFE ADVICE!!!!!

i dunno the stuff i hear form him isnt too bad. if he were ever to say something horrible i would just ignore it. but do i agree with him because i am a narcissistic sociopath maniac too????

got muh 8.6 miles in for the day hahaaha. this is how you lose half a pound a week hahahaha.

yeah so i let myself get walked on. i should have stood up for myself. the second shit started bothering i should have said “THIS IS NOT OK. THIS ENDS NOW. WE NEED TO TALK NOW.”

and said i know you are having issues but i cant tolerate being put out in the cold like this. also, i have feelings for you. tell me any thing you wanted to tell me. and if you need to reject my feelings, try to be nice about it.

so yeah this all adds up to her losing ALL respect for me, for me being a Weak Beta. Doormat. then they lose all respect for you and throw you away like garbage. even if you had been friends for 2 years. this is how much women HATE weakness and weak men. heh. its just not worth it pretending to be STRONG all the time hahahaha.

also i think she is attracted to badbois who are gonna dump her. well she was with this guy for 4 years but he was kinda a badboi, much moreso than me!!!! and the next guy was even moreso. i mean he cheated on her!

but she did dump him for cheating on her, rather than continue to desperately run after the badboi. but perhaps she continued to be in luv with him. well why didnt she get back together with him? shit maybe she DID. but i dont think she did.

so she was Emotionally Mature to want to not get back together with a guy who cheated on her. thats good eh. well it still doesnt help me any hahahaha.

i still should have Stood Up for myself though. that was a lesson i should learn.

i didnt Have The Responsibility to save 100% of the Relationship, but i DID have the Responsibility to MYSELF to say I Do Not Think This Is OK. and i was too scared to do that.

that might have not made her Luv Me, but it WOULD have prevented things from being THIS shitty. she would have talked things, maybe, or at least just cut me off right then and there, and i would have had a bit more self respect.

 

TREAT ME LIKE A HUMAN BEING & ACT LIKE A HUMAN BEING

926

shit. had a 60%  cup of nyquil so i could have it wear off right as i woke up rather than give me a hangover all day, was getting some nice sleep albeit with dreams, when the last dream i have within MINUTES of waking up for the day, and who pops in but YOU KNOW WHO.

she embarrassedly says she did something stupid while on vacation in italy or spain. whenever any woman goes to italy or spain they HAVE to slut it up with the secsy latin men there, who are macho and know how to please a woman unlike weak white beta faggots in the US, with their manboobs and estrogen and small dicks.

so i said on what did you do, blow the guy in the car? and she said yes and i sighed and said i knew it.

then she said his dick was really big and giggled. and i said, did you fook his dick too? and she said what? and i said did he throw that big dick in you pvssy? show you how those big dick italian stallions know how to treat a women so much better than american beta faggots like me? and i got mad and said well why dont you blow me right now, you have no problem sucking dicks, so just suck my dick right now. you saw his big dick and said i want that in my mouth, suck it till it explodes cvm all in my mouth, that sounds great, you dirty cvm guzzling whore, so just suck my dick too, its obviously not a big deal, you meet a random guy, 5 minutes later, youre guzzling his cvm, so you can for sure guzzle my cvm too, ya dirty slut! then she started crying.

then i found there was a link to a amateur porno video on the internet, of her sucking this guys dick. i woke up right before i could click on the link and watch her sucking dick and guzzling cvm.

and i had to have that short appearance by her right before i woke up for the day. great.

anyway point is. i shouldnt have been such an angry woman hating beta by verbally abusing her as a “cvm guzzling whore” hahahaha. the better way to handle this is to say well that really hurts baby. this really hurts our trust. i trusted you not to suck dick. i guess i can expect you to suck dick every time you go out then hahahaha. or especially going to italy. or spain. hey better italy or spain, many women go to sex vacations in jamaica or carribean or africa so they can ride the Big Black Bulls! 1000000 miles away from the judgments of their friends and family back home.

so are you responsible for telling a gurl please dont suck dicks when you go on vacation?

are you not allowed to call her a cvm guzzling whore when she sucks a random dick and gets it filmed and put on the internet???? i think that crosses a line hahahaha.

besides we werent In A Monogamous Rel or anything, so yeah she can suck random dick in italy all day!

but she came to me and admitted it, and said “i did something stupid.” it takes moral fortitude to ADMIT that, to feel guilty about it enough to admit it. its not like i CAUGHT her red handed.

but maybe she was worried moar because it was on the internet and i or one of my friends might find it someday, i dunno.

but yeah she showed some kind of remorse, possibly false, for acting like a whore, and instead of forgiving her, i got mad and started using very rough language towards her, and telling her to suck my dick now. and she was crying.

well i think you are entitled to be angry if they are even your friend and you trust them not to be a stupid whore, breaks down and does stupid whorish things. or at least hugely disappointed. kinda like if you have a friend who is a Recovering Addict, oh now they are doing so well…….. then they fall off the wagon. its hugely disappointing, and it breaks your heart.

hahahah well All Women are Cum Gvzzling Whore Addicts and always one short step away from Falling Off The Wagon hahahahaha. so tell them to suck YOUR dick while they’re on their dick sucking spree.

also there is the idea that its easier for women to suck dick than to have random casual sex, because its JUST sucking dick, its not ACTUAL sex. wrong it is oral SEX.

so a woman may have only had casual sex with 5 guys, what a saint, but not tell you about the 500 dicks she’s sucked.

so stupid that i had this dream right at the very fooking end. i could have gotten up an hour earlier and not had the dream.

anyway it brings up an important question. she can suck all the dicks she wants unless she has entered into a commitment with you not to suck dicks. doesn’t matter that women sucking randm dicks on vacation is a Bad Thing Unto Itself. inherently. of course its not. i mean you cant get PREGNANT from sucking dick hahaha.

well why dont you just have Buttsecs with the guys too. some 17 year old girls are huge Butt Sluts so they can maintain their Vaginal Virginity because of religion. but damn has dat ass taken the cox. im not making this up.

but yeah when you dump a guy, you are responsible for making him feel like you arent throwing him away like a piece of shit.

cuz if you just dump him by ignoring him completely, thats what it feels like, and it hurts insanely for a very long time.

that you are a garbage, and that the entire time you spent together was garbage, just flush it all away like shit. that hurts. to have you yourself treated like shit, AND the idea of a rel that meant a lot to you, meant nothing to them.

now im smart enough to know this probably isnt true, that the rel probably meant something to her too. but it IS very important that they SAY that to you when dumping you. otherwise it makes it much easier for the doubt to form in your mind.

so a mans feelings towards a woman can change over time. but can a womens feelings for a mans? or is that why The Friendzone exists? because she has to see you as a Secsy Man from the very first second, or else youre DONE forever?

maybe.

but but but

they should teach this shit in skool. along with how to actually get a job, how to perform on a job, how to live as an independent adult, financial shit, cars, health care, responsbilities of an adult, relationships. even Spiritually/Intellectually rewarding things like History and Literature and Religion and Music should take a backseat to this stuff.

if you have feelings for a woman, fook yeah, go ahead and TELL her, if she doesnt KNOW by now, it doesnt bode well for you anyway, so might as well get it over with now and move on with your life ASAP.

some might say well she doesnt NEED to know. i say why not. you didnt NEED to get those stupid abortive painful feelings. its her responsibility to know the full truth. is it bad karma like you getting “revenge” on her for her not liking you? because nobody can choose who they are attracted to? so dont force YOUR pain onto her, cuz she didnt do anything? cuz she doesnt need to know?

i dunno. i just think about it in terms of payoffs. its a good payoff for you (+10), it might be a small buzzkill for her (-1) but nothing serious.

and of course you will get a -10000000 when she rejects your luv.

BUT THAT WAS GONNA HAPPEN ANYWAY. so better to get your +10 in there.

also every day that the tension is building, thats chipping away like -50 every single day.

oh well she is gonna rot in hell anyway because she is not a faithful catholic hahahaha enjoy sucking cox in hell for eternity whore.

course i will probably go to hell too for being morally lazy. and i will see her down there sucking cox and she still wont suck mine hahahaha because its hell i am not gonna get any relief. well hell would be being in luv with her for eternity and never being able to get over it. like watching her rejecting me every day, and watching her sucking dicks and fooked like a whore every day.

so working at our job was like a slice of hell. because i saw her every day and she was essentially rejecting me every day by refusing to talk to me.

but i brought it upon myself by being weird and clingy and needy. so i was the bad guy because i couldnt let it go, and by expecting her to talk to me, when she has no obligation to talk to me.

love hurts hahahaha love is pain, luv makes you the bad guy. women just dont understand.

well believe me they go batshit crazy too when THEY fall in LUV with a guy who breaks their heart.

course this happens when they are like 16, not 30, so it doesnt ruin their Career as much, and they spend the years 16 thru menopause being a disgusting whore. and feeling no guilt or shame about it.

increased Religiosity probably would help with this. as would better Masculine Role Models for Women. Fathers. rather than women kicking fathers out of their childrens lives, or having children with Deadbeats who Run Off.

come on. women are making these horrible choices. you HAVE to hold them responsible and CONDEMN them!!!!! dont TOLERATE EVIL!

so maybe they are not evil people. but they are ruining their lives and the lives of people around them by making the wrongest choices possible. dont let your life be ruined by their horrible choices that seem Guided by an Evil Force.

anyway bottom line is, it hurts me to be thrown away like garbage, and to have a meaningful relship thrown away like garbage. the end. time for a 4 miler.

ok did the 4 miler. was thinking about times she ignored inviting me for concerts, and when i mentioned the concerts to her like oh this would be something fun to do, she said oh im already going, just not with you.

that shows you have been taken down a peg. where in the past she might have invited you to stuff……now she doesnt. that definitely stings.

i said ohhhh i wish you had invited me! which is true. i was not happy. i was inviting her, but she said no because she had already bougth tickets without even ASKING me. whereas i was not going to buy tickets without asking her!

i had fallen from grace with women before, they only seemed interested in me for a few weeks or so, before i got quickly replaced…… but it hurt so much more with her. she was already replacing me and getting over me. when gurls dump you they usually dump you in their mind a month or two before. and the coldness and rejection are telltale signs youre going to get dumped soon.

anyway her we had a good thing going for so long, so i hurt to have these tangible rejections.

she could have said, if it were an honest mistake, and she wanted me to feel wanted, oh ill make it up to you, lets hang out this weekend like you have been wanting to FOR MONTHS. but nooooooooooooooooooooo. no hangouts, no making up.

this was in feb, like 3 or 4 months into the feelings.

blurt it out in 3 months OR LESS if you have feelings and she is AVOIDING hanging out with you.

she was just AVOIDING me in every way possible.

so yeah these are the Bad Times which were a Sign the Rel was Over, Dying.

so today i was angry as fook, viewing All Women as Disgusting Whores. even normal women. just looking for a high status dominant alpha to be a damn meal ticket, and you let him fook you for that. just a god damn whore.

but this is natural WAY of women, you cant BLAME them, you cant be MAD at it, instead, you just improve yourself, until women stop treating you like garbage hahahaha.

also i am beginning to notice All The Signs….well i ALWAYS noticed the signs, liek she was distancing herself from me and avoiding me, but i always wanted to forgive them, ignore the obvious, say no its not because she doesnt care about me any more. because she did USED to care about me. i used to be inner circle of friends for her. she didnt have 900000000 friends like every other gurl. she made me feel special wawawawawawaw. and then that specialness she took away. withdrew. it hurt a lot and i was denial of it while it was happening. now i am reliving it, seeing what it was, feeling even more hurt. feel the feelings.

while some polish guy cleans me out on heads up just because he plays stupid loose and aggressive. i hate heads up.

no i love the poles. they are partially my people. i would love to live in poland and find a nice clean chaste polish gurl. and i hear you can still find a decent woman in poland, they are not all disgusting degenerate whores.

this pain all started months ago really. like in feb or so. i should have just Pulled The Trigger then. it would have been easier for her just to tell me then that she doesnt want to be friends with me any more because i am being Pushy And Weird.

then i would say welp its only because i have feelings for you.

then she would say OH. all the more reason i want this to end then.

then i would say fine, takes two to make it and one to break it. have a nice life.

cuz really it was already over then. i was just Prolonging The Pain.

but yeah. better to treat ME like a human being, and also…..

ACT LIKE A HUMAN BEING yourself. that also hurts. the fact that she has acted like such a cold monster, when normally she was a warm human being. but she was showing hints of her cold monsterness for 5 months at least.

i am just Feeling The Fookin Feelings man.

i wish i could stop liking her as quickly and easily as she stopped liking me.  but thats not gonna happen cuz i liked her a lot more. but she did like me a decent amount……back in teh day. but it was a decent amount, even if not Romantically, but just As A Person. A Woman had not liked me As A Person that much in a long time, and it felt good, and it hurts to lose it, and i worry no woman will ever Like Me that much again. noting that of course just becaue a woman has dirty casual feelingsless whoresex with you, doesnt’ mean AT ALL that they LIKE you! shit, The WOman LIKED me more than bitches i had S with LIKED me. two weeks and they lost interest. at least my woman didnt lose interest till two YEARS. damn.

so yeah it was nice to be liked. even if it wasnt in a Romantic Way, it was still in a kinda Special Way. to have someone think youre special…..then they stop. then they would rather hang out with other dudes than you.

its as old as time itself! it happens 1000000000 times a day. i was just shocked because i thought i had Screened that sort of Bullshit out by knowing a woman for 2 years. shit its HARD to have ANY kind of relationship with a woman for that long because they are so damn fickle and flighty and flaky. it was so disappointing to have her flake after she had NOT been a flake for SO long.

muh boy millennial woes does a video on Sexual Morality, namely, a sex positive 23 year old sex educator woman who has secs with 99 guys and is excited for her 100th!!!!! and he talks about her story and the comments here:

but dear god it is so hard to find a young low number woman these days! and she was one! and she broke my heart!!!!! and she was actually worth committing to long term because she did not see sex as nihlistic fun! but i pushed her away cuz i was too pushy! well she was pulling away before i became too pushy.

anyway listened to the woes video while doing another 4 mile powerwalk. i go for long powerwalks 10 miles a day and listen to millennial woes. so yeah he went over a facebook discussion thread where this article was shared and a bunch of people commented on it, he got into the mix. basically the consensus among young 20 year old college fags and edgy fedora white knight intellectually superior atheists sperglords was that morality is outdated and oppressive, morality is a myth, as long as there is consent and safe sex, more power to her for having safe responsible fun, morality doesnt enter into it, anyone who questions the morality of something is a puritan prude, theres no such thing as morality. say these virgin men who couldnt even get laid from the 99 cock slut.

Woesy thought it was depressing that no one CARED and i agreed. he told of the evolutionary way its WIRED INTO men to dislike female promiscuity. because you never know if “your” kid is really yours. its sad that this NEEDS explaining. its WEIRD that young horny men have not experienced the Pain of Female PRomiscuity themselves, to be able to say……IT SUCKS. yet they jump to defend these sluts. don’t they have ANY experience with women?

i dont like sluts for the very reason Woes lays out. and i have experienced the Pain of Female Promiscuity first hand. I can say without a doubt that SLUTS SUCK. I have been hurt by sluts and their promiscuity. i did not appreciate being just a Fun Short Term Fuccboi on the Fun Cock Carousel. I wanted a long term serious rel. I could not understand how these women, who had a LOT more to lose than I did, considering they could get pregnant, would view sex so CAVALIERLY, that sex and “SHORT TERM” should never be in the same sentence for a woman.

and what do you mean there’s no suffering or pain? certainly at least one of 99 mens hearts were broken because they got feelings for a 20 year old gurl! what about their suffering? a broken heart is a serious thing! even if it is just a man!

so yeah i was surprised that so many MEN did not seem to CARE abotu promiscuity. you would THINK that sluttiness would give a natural reaction of DISGUST. how can they not understand this?

honestly. i didnt have a TON of experiences with Sluts, and they werent the biggest sluts in the world, but it was enough to teach me that I didn’t like Sluts/slutty behavior!

because at the veyr least, it was gonna mean heartbreak for me when they lost interest in me and replaced me with a new man; and then it doesnt take much mental gymnastics to see how this could be earth-shattering when children enter the mix.

havent these guys ever had their heart broken by a little slut? i thought that was a pretty common experience!!! you dont need to be taking care of a cuck baby. promiscuity has other warning signs and punishments that will happen earlier when dating a promiscuous cvm guzzling whore. before the cuck baby, there will be cheating. before the cheating, there will be the suspicion of cheating because she is hanging out wiht guys all the time. OR she will just dump you in 2 weeks and replace you with a more fun, exciting, alpha guy, who isnt as damn serious and weird, and will forget about you super quick. replaced.