NOT EVEN MOST WOMEN ARE EVIL CHILDREN

nov 11

sheeeeeeeeeeeit LEONARD COHEN died. age 82. not sure what. he came out with that new song/album a few months ago. out of all the famous singers who died recently, LC is by far the one I liked the most. I was/am an actual literal serious LC FAN. I have seen LC live. TWICE! I have spent hours listening to and fully enjoying LC, respecting an admiring him. I know he was old and obviously wouldnt live forever, and his health seemed to be declining even with that. he did not have long in other words. and here it happened.

ive listened to him less the past few years, and have been trying to keep his JOOISHNESS in mind critically, but he was still prob muh fav JOO. and now that he is gone it would be a lot easier for me to push the button and send them all back to their homeland hahahaha.

i still think he was a good guy. i just didnt like that his profound songs, lyrics, philosophy had to be somehow TAINTED with jooishness.

i mean i dont think he was a typical antiwhite joo by any means.

he died on MONDAY and we only heard about it on THURSDAY? well thats more than fair. i would just hate for him to be pressured to make an anti trump statement during his last day of life hahahaha. who knows, he probably did before hahaha.

cant find cause of death. i mean it doesnt really matter, i just want to know if he secretly had CANCER like david bowie.

sheeeeeeeeit now i gotta listen to his latest album released 1 month ago. i heard one song from it and i didnt love it.

unfort i had a dream about That Woman last night so i am thinking about that.

also that she knows that I am a big cohen fan so when she hears about his death she will think of me unless she is just THAT dense, 50 50 chance there hahaha.

basically how can any big LC fan be a total betraying piece of shit? she would think if she was smart and mature, which she is not hahaha.

like LC, i have lived for years blaming myself for hurting and disappointing someone i luved, totally being a coward. this is kinda how LC viewed himself too. disappointed in himself for being a coward who hurt the people he luved. i totally know that feel.

anyway he captures that guilt and Vulnerability very well, all real fans know this.

anyway the dream: in the dream i finally received my long awaited Long Email from her. she actually never appeared in the dream, just the email.

the email was nice and long. but it did not have her name on it, and it was in my Spam folder, and I easily could have missed it because it was buried among 6000000 emails in my spam folder. (not realistic, i check and empty spam every day and there is never more than 4 emails in there due to how often i check it)

i read the email and while i was glad she was finally communicating with me, it was frustrating. i think she apologized for shutting down. but she spent a lot of time talking about her new bf. and how she had to go out and be young and stupid for a while, dating around, euphemisms for being a casual sex slut. then she finally met this guy who she cant even explain. on paper he sounds horrible: immature, unfriendly, he’s even more emotionally sensitive than me or even YOU (meaning me!), grumpy, stubborn, but I just saw something in him and now I am so happy.

(that made me angry and be like yeah but i am better than that! hes even MORE emotional than me? why couldnt you just pick ME instead? why go out and be a slut and then end up with a guy whos like me, but even WORSE? why not contact me earlier and give me a chance? I still luv you!)

so yeah my ultimate feeling after getting the letter was frustration, not really any greater closure, but a reawakened desire to try to beg her to come to me, pleeeease think about dating me, please give me a chance, you’re dating an emotional, short, grumpy, awkward guy, i am all those things too, but i am trying to become a better man though! and i would luv you unconditionally!

so yeah the whole feeling was like, this doesnt make me feel much better, this wasnt the closure i was looking for, she didnt talk enough about the stuff i wanted her to talk about (apologizing, dont blame yourself, youre a great guy) and talked too much about stuff i didnt want to hear about (new emo boifran, slutting it up.)

and she said, you absolutely need to have no contact with me in order to get over this, we cant talk again for like a YEAR. and just go out there and meet new people. I did! good people, bad people, just any new people. youll meet a few shitty people but eventually you will meet a great person and then you will get over me!

so that was technically good, becuase yeah thats exactly what i need to do, and that was her saying, theres no chance between me and you.

mainly i was angry because i was like, overall, she doesnt’ really GET it. this isnt the letter i wanted.

but that made it easier for me to dislike her and to see how Incompatible we were, so thats kinda good tho.

but it also sucked to bring all the feelings back to the surface again, to remind me that i still wanted her. i had a strong urge to reply and try to persuade her like a game of chess. i still want you.

so yeah. basically it means that a letter from her wouldn’t do a ton of good at this late date. its too late hahahaha.

but technically i wouldnt mind DISliking her more. or an apology, an admission of her guilt, and her saying it wasnt my fault.

so yeah. i guess an email wouldnt be all bad. because i HATE being misunderstood, and not listened to, not given a chance to defend myself, and having someone i luv, hate me forever.

but yeah i dont need stupid dreams bringing HER back to the fore, when there are much more important things happeneing in the world!

trump victory!

leonard cohen dying!

and all i can think of now is, well when she hears about LC dying, she might think of ME and maybe try to contact me!

sheeeeit shes prob so busy working, making money, succeeding, and being in luv and fookin new bf’s, to ever hear about LC or remember anything about him.

i mean she could even have a CHILD by now hahahaha. thats how long i havent seen her.

she is SO MUCH OVER ME, and I am not really enough over her at all.

i mean i get good days and bad days, and had a couple bad days re her recently.

also, my good days are worse than normies bad days hahahaha.

http://goaskalice.columbia.edu/answered-questions/told-him-my-true-feelings-and-now-its-truly-awkward-0

good advice from communist alice. it takes courage to confess feelings. open direct communication is the best way forward. he doesnt want to reject you as a person.

thats something thats not covered in these talks. when you confess feelings for a friend, the “norm” is they are like, i dont feel that way, but i dont want to lose your friendship, you are valuable to me as a friend, and then you say, well yeah its complicated! but some space would be nice, can we agree on some space, i mean i wish you well tho.

but from her i got YOU BEATRAYED ME YOU PIECE OF SHIT I NEVER WANT TO TALK TO YOU AGAIN!!!!!

which left me devastated. but i didnt really get that though. i just got nothing.

http://goaskalice.columbia.edu/answered-questions/friends-partners-possible

again, just have a direct conversation, with no warnings of this could really really really blow up horribly.

which leads me to believe that blowing up THAT horribly is not normal.

ie, SHE DEFINITELY OVERREACTED BIGLY.

which doesnt mean i wasnt a coward, i def was.

but it takes a lot of courage to do this, AND she overreacted WAY too much, even for a WOMAN.

women are not that bad, white women voted for TRUMP. white women voted for trump. white women are not degen garbage who fook dogs and negros. at least 53% of white women are good hahahaha.

ok call to job int in 2 weeks from stupid hospital. yes THAT hospital. this is for an afternoon shift job with no benefits (casual) and which will be lucky to get 12 an hour. oh well. hopefully they can at least have the decency to give me an actual interview!!!!!!!!

instead of me showing up at 830 am, them saying you would be bored with this job, why dont you try applying for something that would be a better FIT for you, dont look desperate, this job isnt for you, we here at this hospital look at the types of jobs you apply to, you should really apply for something thats a better fit for you, good luck, buh bye.

goddam k1k3s hahahaha.

no you cant just APPLY for one of the 4000 new trump administration jobs. i checked hahaha.

forced self to eat less cereal this morning than i would normally eat.

fookin portion control!

stupid computer. hard drives. never had a hard drive fail. WHY did it fail? was i using the computer too much? i did use it a lot.

but its also been making a weird clicking and humming noise for like 2 months. which i wasnt sure was the hard drive but now i am much more sure thats what it was. cuz the beeping came from the same place.

root cause for hard drive failure. we dont know why your hard drive broke and you lost all your files hahaha.

well my most important files are all on The Cloud. i am really just losing a bunch of music files i downloaded. thats about it. really not bad.

leonard cohen. well he fell in luv many times, even more than i did, and was able to turn his profound feels into classic, timeless songs that will last hundreds of years. i do not have that talent hahahaha. just this blog hahahaha. this blog is my “hallelujah” hahahaha. my “suzanne” and all that shit. so long marianne. im your man. first we take manhattan. take this waltz. dance me to the end of luv. great song, i dont care that some joos say its about the h0l0h04x, its still beautiful. bird on a wire. you know what song i like is sing another song boys. everybody knows hahaha. a great newer song is “alexandra leaving.”  heart with no companion. the future. all that shit. joan of arc. avalanche. chelsea hotel. famous blue raincoat. lover lover lover. all great songs hahaha.

you gotta be a goddam POLITICIAN to CAMPAIGN why you are the BEST candidate for this 11 dollar an hour job. you cant just say the right things, you gotta really sell yourself and convince people. SHE couldnt do that! but she gets a good job just because she doesnt have a GAP like a NEET hahahaha.

hehehe. hey i had an offer for a tech support call center help desk tier 1 job myself, for good money. but i turned it down because i was too SCARED and COWARDLY.  i was like, its not worf it m8.

one thing i got better at is giving clients bad news. give a brief story of specific example when you were bad, then what you did, seek out mentorship, read books, watched youtube, here’s the top 3 things i learned, and here’s a specific story of when i got good at giving the bad news. of our company doesnt want to spend the money to fix our broken equipment hahahaha.

anyway i am real bad with these specific stories. i have a few but they are just not good enough. i SHOULD have written them down while i was THERE. to make them as DETAILED and EPIC and HEROIC as possible. spin them so they have a better ending of we just ignored the person because there case was too hard and expensive to solve, so we gave them the runaround until they stopped calling, because the person who did know how to help them just didnt want to, and we dont have access to the secret information in their head. job security. dont tell anybody anything and sure as hell dont write it down. and then dont help the people who are begging you to help them, becuase they dont even know you can help them.

but yeah now got the 28th interview lined up. not nearly as excited about this job, but welp the PIPELINE hasnt been so full lately hehe.

HONESTLY. why cant the skool just hire me already.

got like FOUR rej emails yesterday for various jobs. and less than half of places actually send rej emails. so what does that tell you. i rarely even APPLY for 4 jobs a day anymore. 3 or 4 on a GOOD day. 0 or 1 on a bad day hahaha.

ok applied for hospital job on the slow computer. great job, entry level data entry thing with very short description. prob get rejected as i always do for these hospital jobs hehe.

took some nyquil. always a good time there. wish we had legal mj. maybe in 2018 election. why not 2017? i thought the state could technically do something like that at ANY time.

but good luck getting Normal People out when there is not a presidential election! like for local elections, no one ever comes out.

even in the big 2016 election, only 55% of eligible people voted. tons of people were just not registered or just too lazy to vote.

i agree that i am too lazy and dont DESERVE to vote, but thats NOT what these people are thinking, they are just too lazy and uncaring to vote. i vote because i know i have to make use of this power (which i dont deserve, but i have anyway) to keep The Enemy From Winning. that much i can do.

im not proud of how i acted and some days i REALLY blame myself, but the FACT, the FINAL FACT, the VERDICT, is, SHE OVERREACTED BIGLY hehehehe. women tend to overreact and she overreacted on top of an overreaction. so that is on her, and i shouldnt and cannot blame myself for that. like i MADE her do that.

nov 12

yeah basically i thought even though our rel was In Trouble, that I was entitled to, that i had EARNED THE RIGHT TO DEFEND MYSELF.

how can you so easily throw me away, make me dead to you and you dead to me? we knew each other for 3 years!!!! Ive earned the right to defend myself against what you’ve charged me with! so lets have a damn trial! lets sit down and talk and present our cases before the judge and jury! i am confident enough to represent myself as my own attorney. you can get an attorney too if you like.

well then we would have to hire a judge and jury. that would be too expensive. finding an impartial group of people to make a decision on something that onyl matters to ONE person, me.

so yeah a Trial would have been NICE for me…..but its an expensive bourgeois LUXURY to have a trial.

no ones ENTITLED to a trial hahahaha.

your trial, my funeral hahahahahahahaha

just spending money like water this week and its not even xmas hahaha.

so yeah. i thought she would be willing to give me a TRIAL. LET ME DEFEND MYSELF. LISTEN TO ME. again thats all part of the Natural, Beautiful Complexity of being Thrown Away. it is a flower with many petals hahahaha.

i mean yeah. when a person can just Switch It Off, so 180, thats a Red Flag that you are not compatible with them.

of course compatibility is a jooish lie hahahahaha. its not about compatibility, its about WILLINGNESS TO WORK.

yeah well she wasnt WILLING TO WORK EITHER.

16 months later, 480 days later, still thinking about this. well, 500 is a nice round number like 100% is hahahaha.

leonard cohen. whose the white leonard cohen. LC was a great man but his CYNICISM and DESPAIR and PESSIMISM was so TYPICALLY Jooish. i am all those things too, and i dont like that jooishness in me, but it comes from living in a jooish culture and world. i dont want to be this way hahahaha. the world made me this way. my goy heart innately rejects it.

not to say ALL of cohens stuff was pessimistic! but he also wasnt willing to reject his own jooishness. he had a good sense of being a joo. well, few joos do not. they just say, well im not religious, we dont go to temple, we’re basically white. except when it comes to evil racist white privilege and granny dying in muh holocaust, then they are 6000000% jooish.

heh all the cohen fans are also antitrump. and i said, well if a person is a cohen fan they’re prob good people. hahahaha. no they are shitlib antiwhites hahaha. i might be the only trump supporting cohen fan in the world.  now, trump supporting cohen fans, i guarantee you THEY are good people hahahaha. great intersectionality there.

ghoul doxxing himself damn. yeah i am jelly he is a handsome nonnevergf chad, but its good for our people, and it takes courage to do this. i mean his real name hasnt come out, but its just a damn matter of time now.

i mean hows he ever gonna get a job as a phd now? thats what i worry about.

well he could prob get a job at a community college, which is seen as BENEATH the majority of phds…….but i can verify that its NOT beneath a sizable minority of them hahahaha. and i think ghoul would appreciate the chance to actually influence real people. i mean the CC is the great equalizer A LOTTTTTTTTTT more than some bourge university is, i realize that, and im sure ghoul realizes that.

white women voted for trump. white women voted for trump hahahaha. my knee-jerk reaction against white women is BAD, negative, a reflex i want to change. i get Stankface and think, these disgusting negro fooking sluts. these stupid annoying children. emily youcis, get the fook out of here, i dont want any annoying sluts in muh alt right white movement.

i would never hurt or abuse a woman, but my GOD do i TALK SHIT about them NONSTOP. my first reflex is to talk MAD shit about women. and i wish it werent hahahaha.

maybe if i met emily youcis in person and had a 1 on 1 conversation with her i wouldnt dislike her so much hahahaha.

but now im like, ha. women. these bandwagon jumpers. she’s just doing this because its edgy. she’ll be gone in ONE YEAR. I’ve been pro-white for six years hahahahah and just getting deeper.

its SAD that my FIRST REACTION to white women is one of dislike, negativity.

bbbbut im in a woman hating phase right now, it will pass.

i will be in a woman hating phase until i get over HER, which will take 2 full years hahahaha.

so if i am still hating women in july 2017, then i should work on that hahahaha. that is my deadline hehehe.

but yeah i can convince myself that white women arent all bad (i dont really care about nonwhite women, they can ALL be degen pigs, disgusting animals, and i just dont care, because theyre not “My Women.”) when i remind myself, 53% of white women voted for trump hahahaha. i mean thats a powerful Logic Bomb hehehehe.

basically, Not All Women, and Not Even MOST Women, would Heartless Hurt Me Deeply. Not Even MOST Women would have disgusting casual negro sex.

that is my Positive, non pessimistic mantra for the day haha. NOT EVEN MOST WOMEN. are evil children. or just destructive bratty out of control children, 50 foot baby with 600000000 machine guns.

come on. just pay a person to do what you dont want to do. it doesnt even have to be a professional. just hire the dr nick of relship counselors hahaha. pay tyrone off the street 20 bucks for crack to be a messenger of bad news. hey i dont like giving bad news either.

applied for 3 jobs. called one thing “payroll clerk” in cover letter even though official name is “payroll assistant.” WHOOPS auto disqualified! this is the same company i really really really wanted the IT job at. a health care company with good reputation. i also applied for a financial job at that same time which they mentioned in the IT interview, i said I’d be happy with either but was 60 40 into the IT job re better fit. i was reallllllly hoping to get the job. got nothing. also did not even get interview for financial job. NOW i just applied for payroll job at this company. i KNOW they are growing like wildfire because they told me that at the interview. they plan to double in size in 2 years.

applied for PT general office clerk job at health care “business” company. have applied for this SAME job like 4 or 5 times, ALWAYS get rejected. then it opens again a month later, then i apply again. get rejected again. well, sometimes its a FT version of basically the same job. diff req numbers each time so i COUNT it on muh sheet as a new job. numbers up.

onyl spent 178 hours on Job Search. Maybe i need to spend at least 500 hahahaha.

i would much rather just pay the 2100 dollars that these hours are worth at 12 dollars an hour rate and have someone else do this work for me hehehehe.

just all so fookin retarded. i cant help but feel if i were like 22 years old instead of 10ish years older than that, they would be more willing to hire me and i wouldnt have to do 28 goddam interviews.

god damn j1zz burping cvnt.

well did good today on calories at least. and technically on job apps, got 4 done. beating the avg of 3 hahaha.

i mean sheeeeeeeeeeeeeeeit.

yeah i mean TRY to give me the BENEFIT OF THE DOUBT. 2.7 years, you think you’d be “entitled” to the BENEFIT OF THE DOUBT. this might not be the worst case scenario. maybe he wasnt a huge liar. maybe thats why he was always trying to hang out. maybe thats what he said in those emails i deleted. maybe i shouldnt ahve overreacted so much. yeah i know he overreacted too but what would i do if i started liking a friend? i mean yeah thsi is an uncomfortable conversation, but he’s not a bad guy, he means well, we were good friends once, i’ll send my mom, or a mutual friend, or a shrink, or pay a black crack bum 20 bucks, to be the bringer of bad news for me.

the fact that she couldnt do ANY of that tells me that she was ANGRY and HATEFUL towards me and WANTED to PUNISH me for HURTING her.

but yeah i’ll never know. going down that rabbit hole again. wouldnt be going down it if i had some MJ, or a JOB, or other women to hang out with, or more friends to hang out with. i mean i have acquaintances who will prob go to the bar tonight…..but i dont really want to go to the bar! but i should go to the bar just to be social right?

yeah but its so loud and packed you cant even TALK to anyone or HEAR anyone. you cant be social when you literally have to scream in someones ear. is it that bad that i avoid these sort of situations? why cant i just go to someones house and play vidya and games and MJ and we can talk at a normal volume and actually hear each other?

but i feel ashamed showing myself when i dont have a job.

and i havent had a job in 16 months hahahaha.

well, i am ok with doing my weekly thing tho.

sooo……do i want to do that thing on saturday night then?

well i mean….i dunno. i wish there were other social options other than the bar, or that social game. for example, a friend i could just hang out with at a home, play vidya, play games, watch tv, take mj hahahaha. MAYBE take mj. i am lacking friends that i am close enough to do that sort of stuff with. to actually have relaxed banter. my other acquaintences are big on sports and tv, i dont know shit about sports and tv. i try to talk about it but i cant get very far. its HARD WORK hahahaha.

when you go down from 36 waist to 34 and have to switch from L underoos to M hahahaha. and XL t shirts to L.

 

 

 

 

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DONT SEPARATE THINGS THAT SHOULDNT BE SEPARATED

oct 26

ok  done with interview for PT 15 an hour job. 1500 hours a year max. 24 to 32 hours depending on the department. 3 openings, 3 diff departments. one is def more customer oriented. hope they dont pick me for THAT one because i said i was good at dealing with difficult customers. yeeeesh.  yikes. oy vey. so just do a shitty job, quit, and never work for this org again hahahaha when it is DEF one of my Top Orgs To Work For. great benefits, close to home, unfireable, stable secure job, union.

talked to 3 people, including a handsome young man who i learned is about 3 or 4 years younger than me and he has a Controller position, because he Chose A Good Life with Hard Work, and has a BS in Accounting, an MBA with focus on Taxation, a CPA, so hence he’ll always have a GREAT job. why didnt I just Be Like Him. I joked that I did poorly on the accounting portion of the test, but that I was just rusty and I can brush up on my Accounting Fundamentals.

3 people in the room grilling me hahahahaha. no they were all nice enough. I got emails from all. i have def gotten better at that. just getting emails from EVERYONE in the room.

i need a full 20 ounce mug of strong coffee JUST TO GET OUT OF BED IN THE MORNING to be somewhere at 8:30 am hahahahaha.

meaning i pour the mug the night before, leave it on my table next to the bed, set alarm 15 to 20 minutes before i want to get up, then drink the coffee while laying in bed and watching weather and news, then pull self out of bed.

i would NOT want to still have to MAKE the coffee. I just want to REACH out of bed and GRAB a full mug of awesome room temperature coffee thats been sitting out all night. this truly does make it a lot easier to get up. i have been doing this for years. i dont regret it one bit. i RECOMMEND it to ANYBODY.

interview was at 9 am, i got there at like 8:15, i like getting their SUPER early and prepping in the car.

actual interview was less than 30 minutes. they didnt rush me PER SE, but i got the impression there were other people waiting. plus its a part time job hahahaha. i said As You Can Imagine, my ultimate goal is a FT job with this org, would this PT person have access to The Secret Internal FT Postings? yes yes they would.

anyway thats it for this week. did not get great sleep last night. i mean i can TOTALLY get used to getting up EARLY in the morning……but it HAS to be REGULAR. i need a ROUTINE. after a few days or a week of that, i will get used to going to bed earlier and getting up at 6am, 5am. shit i got up at 6 am today to get ready for being there at 9am.

so if i got this other job that starts at 8 am, id have to get up a FIVE am every day. well especially cuz that one is further away. a whopping 14 miles away. this place today is only 4 miles away. also i get up SUPER early, ive NEVER been a sleep in as late as possible and Rush To Work in the NIck of Time. downside is that eats up valuable sleeping time.

/r/relships. i cant stop reading it, its SO ridiculous. some of it is good, some of it is fooking awful.

it DOES NOT help that 80% of the shit is by women for women. i wish there was a relship sub for men by men. it makes a big difference. cuz women dont know what theyre talking about, ever. hahahahahaha. terrible judgment, terribly wrong. WRONG. hahahaha. WRONG.

heh. the other bad thing about getting up early is, you are now awake 16 hours a day and have to figure out how to eat only 1200 calories. you are Hungry More because you are too used to Sleeping through those hours when you are hungry. like its 11am and i am STARVING even though I had some Cereal around 7 am. 350 calories. shit. 390 calories cereal and milk.

degree in account, masters in taxation, cpa. this is fooking AWESOME. i hear the masters in tax is one of the better masters you can get. this guy formerly worked with a well known accounting firm for 5 years. kinda surprised he is working where he is now. youd think it would be beneath him.

now he did not go to a name school………but the school he went to is actually kinda well regarded for accounting. which is exactly what he did. why didnt i choose that life hahahahaha.

i just saw him and i was like WHOA this guys the CONTROLLER? hes a KID!!!!!!!!!!

I guess there is Financial Director who is one step above him though.

see the stupid women would say this si just fine, stop trying to control her, you jealous abuser.

not even seeing that essentially the male FWB rejected her because SHE wanted MORE, and now they’re still just friends and hang out and talk constantly.

DONT SUCK A GUYS DICK ON THE THRID DATE!!!!! THATS DEGENERATE!!!! NIHILISTIC!!!!!!!!!

that was a different one hehehe.

its not INTENTIONALLY nihilistic. i mean they think its about FUN and who knows this might turn out to be the one, but lets just have some spontaneous fun in the moment.

fun fun fun fun fun fun fun. all about fun. muh dick.

i mean yeah its HEDONISM not nihilism per se, but IMHO hedonism is pretty damn nihilistic at root. i mean women arent capable of understanding that, most men arent either. but all white men are capable. nto sure about white women. maybe some are capable. ive never met one hahahahaha. no thats patently false, i certainly have met decent, nonhedonistic women that werent all muh dick muh dick muh clit muh orgasms muh fun casual fwb secs.

jeff daniels looks like slavoj zizek in this movie hahahahahaha

i mean is zizek really THAT cool? probably not, folks, probably not. why the hell did i ever like him in the first place? because he spouted pseudointellectual crap. that at its core is JOOISH as hell: critical theory, frankfurt skool POISON. but he made getting a phd in philosophy seem really Sexy to a 21 year old.

SIXTY dollars to see nick cave? thats almost as bad as fifty dollars to see morrissey. but i like nick cave a lot better. but thank god i have already had the PRIVILEGE of seeing nick cave. not many people can say that hahahahaha. and it was an even more outstanding show than you would expect. i almost DONT want to see him again because that is a high standard to exceed. also i dont really like his new album. but i should see him just to see him right? but 60 bucks? damn.

imean if it were tom waits I totally would. or neil young, in a theater of this size, with crazy horse for SURE, and hopefully less than 60 bucks.

not many people on muh bucket list. maybe bob dylan but thats a big maybe.

well tom petty would be nice. yeah id go see him. but prob not for 60 bucks. or in a gay ass outdoor theater full of drunk trash.

who else. maybe some black metal. or metal in general. judas priest, iron maiden, never saw them, missed shows by both in the past year, too lazy. i mean i had the TIME!

yeah i would pay 80 bucks to see darkthrone hahaha. or varg vikernes. or muh buddy mikko.

anyway.

i might have been ok with casual secs if i had ever had any sort of FWB thing work out. for example, women2004 and 2005, they just wanted casual dating ie secs ie casual FUN. I was like NO i want a serious rel so they dumped me because they didnt WANT a serious rel.  BUT I could have gotten a LOT of secs out of them if I had just said lets keep it casual. so in hindsight i wish i had done that, just so i could have had a lot of secs with some qt young gurls. instead i had secs like 2 times. better than nothing but still.

i mean theyre not horrible people for wanting what they want and rejecting me because i wasnt that. well, beyond the fact that what they wanted is………….pretty degenerate. but then again, some of my wants are pretty degen too, like wanting to smoke MJ, or being open to casual secs. (but not actively seeking it out.)

but i am so inexperienced with secs, that i automatically confuse secs with feelings.

THIS ISNT REALLY “CONFUSION!” ITS THE NATURAL WAY! IT IS RIGHT AND JUST AND NORMAL!!! WHATS NOT NORMAL IS THE PEOPLE WHO TRY TO UNTANGLE THEM!!!!!

DO NOT SEPARATE WHAT THE LORD HAS BOUND TOGETHER!!! hahahaha.

or, DONT SEPARATE THINGS THAT SHOULDNT BE SEPARATED!!!!!!!!! if you prefer that.

young girls wanting casual sex, and old men wanting serious feelings secs.

SEX IS INHERENTLY INTIMATE, IT IS BAD TO TRY TO MAKE IT CASUAL. IT CANT BE CASUAL.

that ultimately is the END OF DISCUSSION.

so yeah me and these women had Incompatible Values.

AND they made an EFFORT to give me Common Courtesy and Respect when they Dumped me! they made an effort not to add insult to injury! so i appreciate that now.

DONT ADD INSULT TO INJURY!!!!!!!!

maybe i should become a Christian Counselor. there are tons of them. is it any easier than becoming a Non Religious Counselor? as far as degrees, licensing, etc.

i cant see it being any easier getting a license from the state, but i could be wrong.

if youre being charged with a heinous crime, WHY NOT perjure yourself rather than taking the 5th amendment hahahaha.  just watching law and order. i guess this show could inspire a young person to become a cop or a lawyer.

anyway i never stalked her. dont know why i have to PROVE this. i guess because the women of reddit would say that sending emails is STALKING.

yeah ok i DID send probably too many emails, but after a month of that, I was DONE. FINISHED. COMPLETELY.

I sent 4 emails in 1 month. 3 of them were pretty long. does that make me an evil stalker? no it just makes me sad and desperate and pathetic.

also if she had said stop sending me emails, i probably would have hahahahaha. or maybe just sent one more hahahaha.

the worst i did was crane my neck to try to look for her car in the parking lot of her workplace as i drove by the workplace which was ON the most direct route to my destination. and if i get that job then i wont go 2 miles out of my way just to NOT drive by that other place every day. i might even crane my neck again. but its not like im pulling into the parking lot and sitting there waiting for her!!!!! that WOULD be creepy!!! i dont WANT to be a creep! but also women think everything is creepy. plus i can totally understand why men do creepy things.

anyway. i guess i would like sluts more if i had more benefits from those sluts. but really womens Sexual Desire has led them away from boring old me. I am always at odds with Female Sexual Desire, Fighting it, trying to keep it from straying away from me, trying to hold on to it.

yeah i guess i am TRYING too hard. you should have to TRY this hard to “maintain somebodys interest” in you.

but yeah i am now done with my week o interviews and can start applying to jobs again hahahaha.

i mean TWO of these three jobs I would REALLY like. these are some strong jobs to get your hopes up for.

how have i never seen this dark haired woman cop on law and order. she is very attractive, would bang/10. but is she jooish? this is like early 2000s, she is partner with black male cop, hopefully doesnt mudshark with him, sam waterston is still the DA. i think this is just Straight Up Regular Law and Order, not SVU or any of that.

milena govich. obvious a yugo sort of name. potentially jooish. wiki says serbian (and scottish.) well yeah the NAME is SERBIAN, just like STEIN is GERMAN. thats not what Im ASKING hahahahahahahaha.

2006-7, det nina cassidy.

i just dont know. i think she is a goy but you never know with these sneaky J’s, ive been fooled before. i would casually bang her while waiting for the 23 and me results HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA

YES I have a FILTER, I know what things you should and should not say around WOMEN. I wouldnt say ANYTHING I say on here around women.

but yeah i dont want to be a creep, or a niceguy, or an abuser, or the jealous type, or a controller, or any of that stuff. but maybe i AM ok with being a “woman hater” hahahaha i mean how can any woke man not be hahahaha.

maybe i like proving to them that i have good enough social skills so they cant slander me as creepy. i dont say or do inappropriate things, but my god do i judge the hell out of women when they are not around.

and i dont feel bad about judging women. i dont mind being called a Woman JUDGER!!!!!! i mean thats what i do, i judge women!!!!!!

but in the social world, I treat them with respect. EVEN IF THEY DONT DESERVE IT!!!!! i really wouldnt treat ANYONE with disrespect until after they treated ME with disrespect.

i mean everyone makes mistakes, even That Woman doesnt deserve to be hurt even though she hurt me, because she didnt have intent, and even if she DID, it would still be better karma for me to just Let It Go, and no i dont want her to get hurt really bad. i mean i would like her to learn a lesson. but she was just stupid and weak, i was stupid and weak, and ultimately i was the one who got hurt more, a lot more.

now i mean feel different about someone who did something MORE hostile and intentional, like cheating or accusing me of abuse or something. totally lying and betraying me.

i dont do sketchy or bad shit with women. i dont DO anything really immoral. the most immoral i get is have JUDGEY THOUGHTS. i dont have thoughts about hurting or abusing or mistreating women. I just have thoughts of jdugement and disgust and contempt. but i dont ACT on these thoughts! I try not to do ANY immoral actions! because MORALITY is VERY VERY IMPORTANT to me!!!!!!!

1200 CALORIE DIET!!!!!

i guarantee you. if you eat only 1200 calories a day, you WILL lose weight even without exercise.

you will also be hungry at all times.

well some say 1200 for women, 1800 for men. that 1200 is the absolutely healthy minimum for WOMEN, who need less calories than men anyway.

so maybe 1200 is not even Healthy For Me. well, moot point now that I blew right by it by 150 calories and also today is muh cheat day too and i will be eating again later!

 

 

incel neet virgin 26 year old brother is resentful of his 20 year old NORMIE brother who can get a GF hehehehe. reddit shames the incel neet as a creepy woman hater, anyone who “unironically uses the word NORMIE after high school” is one of these hahaha.

now i dont MIND being friends with women like this guy seems to……but im not sure having Women Friends makes you any more likely to make a woman want to Be With you in a secsy way. you just get the friendzone hahahahahahahahaha. you can relate to women as human beings to your hearts content….in the friendzone hahahaha.  but yeah i guess i’ll admit that when you have a woman friend, it DOES make them seem more human, less alien, more knowable. but it makes all the more THIRSTY for a gf too. because youre like well now i actually KNOW a woman, this isnt so bad! but now I REALLY REALLY REALLY want a GF! I had forgotten what its like to even be NEAR a woman and to have a woman show ANY INTEREST in me! it feels good and i want what the NORMIES have!

anyway i am not as bad as that guys brother. i can control myself around women at least and dont do anything really creepy. plus i had secs once 12 years ago with the help of alcohol hahahahahahaha.

the first time he saw a tit? hasnt he ever watched jooish porn? not that i recommend it.

does he have a JOB? is he EMPLOYED? surprised this was never mentioned by the commenters. probably not, hes prob a damn neet.

i mean just like having a gf or at least a fwb is the litmus test of a NORMIE, so is having an at least average job. making at least 13 bucks an hour.

well, we did have some incels making 15 an hour at my last job hahahaha.

reddit. a bunch of damn degenerate nonvirgins SHAMING the morally superior virgins and calling them creepy and disturbed and elliott rodger, just because they dont fook like a bunch of NEGROES hahahahahaha.

these “social nerds” are an interesting bunch, i knew a lot in university. they were “weird” and “anti establishment” and “non conformist” but they were FAR from social outcasts, and had a ton of friends, and GF’s, sex experience, Relship experience, all from a young age, and turned out being successful normies with wives and children hahahahahaha.

NORMIES.

DIRTY NONVIRGIN NORMIES hahahahahaha.

PIGS, DOGS, DISGUSTING ANIMALS hahahahahahahaha.

” He’ll never figure out how to get a girlfriend until he starts treating women like people rather than games that you have to win to get romance and sex. ”  hehehehe but……….its that accurate? except they are not as fun or easy as a game. its a frustrating sick game.

well not even. the “game”, as designed by god/nature, its not sick. its sensible, and technically fair. it’s not pretty though. and it REALLY sucks to be on the losing end. and it REALLY sucks when Women Deny Their Privilege.

i guess thats just like ME denying WHITE privilege and MALE privilege, huh????????????????????

so……..if i can acknowledge that privilege exists, specifically FEMALE privilege…………….

……….does it not follow that its POSSIBLE that OTHER kinds of privilege exist?

and that I might benefit from it?

but, like women, I spit in its face and deny it?

so i dislike women who do the same thing I am doing?

yeah but i believe women DO have certain advantages/privileges in the mating game. i mean SOME men have their own privileges here….but not most men.

also, my idea of Female Privilege in the Mating Game comes from a pretty Traditionalist, Reactionary, Alt Right, Rightist, NON MARXIST way of thinking.

Ideas about White Privilege and Male Privilege, that all comes from MARXIST BULLSHIT.

they are all saying what a horrifying, dark, awful place the incel sub is. i dont doubt that its DARK, and i dont want to link to it or even READ it because Im sure its very negative……..but dont say these are awful people. youd be this way too if you were a hugless virgin neet incel who CANT EVEN GET IN THE FRIENDZONE hahahahaha.

note: i never use the word friendzone seriously. its impossible for me to “get put in” the friendzone. i will just say, baby, i dont want to be just friends, lets take a time out here. or thats what i would say if they agreed to talk to me hahahaha.

im perfectly fine being friends with women IF I dont want anything more. AND IF THEY dont want anything more. not that ive ever experienced that. but god damn. i know women are HUMANS.

just like negros and joos and mudslims are humans too, hahahahahahahahahahaha.

no, white women rank above all of those, hahahahahahaha.

but yeah its just heartbreaking when a woman you like would rather hang out with CHEATERS, DRUG ADDICTS, DRUNKS, DEADBEATS, ABUSERS, and NEGROES, rather than hang out with YOU.

ive certainly linked this album before. a few posts ago. it def has its place. right now i am drawing attention to 3:34, “summer of the diabolical holocaust”. “natassja in eternal sleep” is such a strong, timeless opener, that i sometimes forget the next song is just as strong.

again, good headphones and ideally good speakers, played LOUD, for maximum effect, considering the ridiculous production. note the insane distorted bass sound and drum sound, esp the floor tom. ridiculous celtic frost riff in the middle here, with ridiculous “solo” on top of it.

the guitar tone kinda sucks on this album….kind of. but i wouldnt change it either!

and TED’s vokills are possibly his best ever. truly literally a man possessed here.

i would say turn it up LOUD and DEFINITELY smoke a huge MJ to this one, get nice and blazed. oh god. wish i could.

and then cuddle up with nice waifu while doing that.

well, for that, we would just listen to one song, while I Mansplained the significance of the music. listening to the whole album with a grill would be pretty weird. metal grills are huge immoral sluts anyway. degen nihilists hahaha.

hard to believe they were only like 21 when doing this album. to make an album that you just appreciate more and more as you get older. into your Mid Thirties.

I think i was familiar with this album when I was 21, or at least close to it. I liked it……but I didnt GET it as much as I do now.

like i certainly dont like other albums LIKE this.

anyway yeah great album for the Turning Of Seasons, like when its really becoming Fall/Autumn. definitely some magic in this album.

but yeah you DO need to listen to it LOUD. it Literally sounds better that way.

it is amazing how much Variation and Diversity there is in darkthrone. UAFM and TH are both super freezing cold black metal albums, but they sound fairly different. i guess a big thing is that the tempo and rhythm NEVER change on TH, and on other DT albums, they change in every song.

yeah theres a damn good reason DT is a such a NAME.

heh these reddit nonvirgin normies shaming the virgins. there answer for everything is “DUDE NEEDS HELP.” WOW. JUST…..I CANT EVEN. YASSSS. HE NEEDS THERAPY. THERAPY PROBABLY WOULDNT EVEN HELP HIM. HE NEEDS TO KEEP TRYING THERAPISTS TILL HE FIND SOMEONE WHO WORKS. HIS ONLY CHANCE IS A LIFE OF THERAPY IF HE EVER WANTS A GF……….AND EVEN THEN IT PROB WONT WORK. CUZ HES TOO TOXIC AND NEGATIVE AND WEIRD AND CREEPY AND RAPEY AND JUDGEY. EW. UGH. GROSS. NOT OK. HE NEEDS A LOT OF HELP.

Yeah i agree he probably does need some help but i dont think its hopeless. these are exactly the type of guys i would want to help. with my unlicensed christian therapy group. we would go out and grab women by the pvssy and call them fat pigs, slobs, dogs, and disgusting animals. hahahahahahahahaha.

hey might as well listen to TH right after UAFM. now theres an experience you should be grateful for.

heh. I remember I bought TH on CD and that was one of muh first serious black metal albums. that, burzum debut, emperor “nightside eclipse”, burzum HLTO, DT panzerfaust. i picked some good ones for babbys first black metal albums eh? but i remember seeing phil anselmo in a pantera picture wearing a DT TH t shirt and i was like whoa that looks hardcore hahahaha what does that logo even say???

and then i bought the cd and mainly liked the first song and was like why isnt the rest of the album as good, i mean its a really simple formula.

but then it really grows on you hahahaha. and then it becomes one of your desert island best black metal albums of all time.

when i was a young angry virgin, i might have thought DT understood my hateful, sorrowful feels hahahaha. when really they were a bunch of HEDONISTIC, DEGEN NORMIE NONVIRGINS, smoking MJ and partying and getting with SLUTS. more like NORMIETHRONE amirite????

anyway, yeah i guess if all you listen to is TH, its easy to think DT is a fairly “ATMOSPHERIC” BM band, but they really arent hahaha. they are more of celtic frost beer chugging normies.

but yeah its timeless, beautiful stuff you will CHERISH the rest of your life. when i get married to my pure virgin white waifu, I will play nothing but BLACK METAL at the reception hahahaha. totally make it all about me and everyone else can suck my dick, im gonna play like 8 hours of straight black metal at my wedding hahahahaha.

no but i mean i have to play at least one black metal song. but what the hell would it be? i mean it would be burzum or darkthrone. maybe I should just play TWO black metal songs.  transilvanian hunger and jesus dod. hahaha.

well i was invited to a social thing tomorrow and i decided to Just Say Yes because this is EXACTLY the type of thing I should say YES to, so i did. its exactly because i dont go to things, that i dont get invited to things any more….so kinda want to break that pattern.

oct 27

ive always liked sitting down and writing about muh self and muh feels, total narcissist, but unfort i think this has helped CAUSE some of my issues, because i always take the wrong lesson, or get in too negative of an attitude. the women thing is the perfect example. writing here i sound like incel virgin maniac r9k elliot rodger, but i am not really like that in real life!!!! at worst i am socially anxious and shy, but never super creepy or weird! i am even nice and nonjudgmental to total trashy sluts, i just see them as people who have had hard, unlucky lives, had their good noble nature nurtured out of them, its not their faultttttttttttt. basically i will treat people well until they treat me badly. even if they are a dirty slut. until them being a dirty slut directly hurts ME, I will be nice to them.

(soundcloud giving errors, deleted link. google fenriz radio soundcloud.)

oh here is fenriz’s radio show, archive of many of them, actually doesnt sound horrible hahahahaha. i mean i am kinda jealous of his ability to enjoy new music at 45 years of age, my mind is pretty much closed to all that. i still want him to have a family. find a decent wife and have some kids. shit he can still listen to metal. he talks about listening to metal 16 hours a day or something. im not even AWAKE 16 hours a day! now a family man needs to be awake 23 hours a day working and providing and protecting and securing, but working fathers can still have interests and hobbies, he could still listen to his precious metal hahahahaha.

well i do like documentaries and here is one on peste noire. who i like because famine is a fairly right wing douchebag who hates foreigners. and i like a couple of his songs. and i want to determine how right wing and nationalist he really is. of course, i think he needs to stop drinking and living a degen lifestyle, be more like varg!!!

look at this handsome white man, in beautiful nature. this is what we SHOULD think of when we think of FRANCE…..not a jooified degenerate brown hellhole that france is turning into. famine does drink too much and should stop drinking and have children tho. although i thought it was hilarious that he made an obnoxious fart joke hahahaha. showing what he thinks of these media k1kes hahahaha. well really i dont know anything about the makers of this film.

i know weev gets lots of demand from the k1k3 media for interviews, but he straight up tells them, fook off and die k1k3, im not giving you an interview unless you pay me a lot of money, you can look up stuff ive said on the internet. PAY ME if you want to talk to me. and my rate is not cheap. im taking my pound of flesh back from you vampires. this is a great way to be. so i hope the people that made this doc were either not corrupt “skypes”, or they paid famine decent money to talk to them. i do believe famine, degen farting drinker he may be, but i think he still has artistic integrity hahahaha.

 

 

new vidya where varg talks about fenriz. he says a lot of good things about fenriz, that he is smart, funny, charming, easy to like, friendly. he says he is one of the smartest most intelligent people he met back in the day. and also that he is very honorable and ethical and tries to do the right thing and be an honorable man. but that his tragic flaw is that he drinks too much and this might compromise him.

now varg is talking about fenriz 25 years ago. but as a 20 year old man, whenever young varg met young fenriz, fenriz was always drinking beer and getting drunk. so i can totally relate with that. whenever I was socializing at around that age, i was drinking.

varg says fenriz is a good man but he hopes he has cut down on the drinking. i would agree because drinking too much is never good. and if you have ever seen videos of fenriz, he is often drinking in them. so yeah i hope he is not a Full Blown Alcoholic. i dont think he is because uhhhh he would have ruined his life by now. lost his job at the post office, stopped doing albums, in and out of rehab or jail, plus he looks fairly healthy.

so yeah i think hes got it under control but i cant help agree with varg that alcohol clouds your judgement.

i am kinda in between varg and fenriz then! i started out more fenrizy and am becoming more vargy. but yeah i always got the impression that fenriz was a decent True Blue Cobber sort of guy, and I  am glad to hear Varg saying so, as Varg seems to be the same way. Morality Matters.

I know fenriz was in a deep depression for a few years…..did he drink more during that time? how did he come out of it? how does he keep from going back? what kind of women and people does he hang out with? he seems pretty social. how much does he really drink? why did his marriage end? was that related to his depression?

these are the important questions to me hahahahaha.

but yeah i cant help but feel he is capable of even more, that he IS a truly smart and moral man, and it would be GREAT if he stepped up the same way varg has, get a nice white wife and have 6 white children, but he just hasn’t made that Leap into Political, Religious, and Metaphysical Thinking. And I know that Drinking can hold you back from doing that. So I cant help but want to have fenriz stop drinking for like a year, cold turkey, and see what changes happen. I think he is totally CAPABLE of doing this.

interesting that varg is making this video though. why not just contact fenriz and be like hey ole buddy lets hang out and get caught up.

but i dont think varg and fenriz were super besties either. but fenriz was probably the black metal guy varg liked the most. they definitely like each other hahaha. and it sounds like culto did not hang out much because he didnt like the people. varg didnt much like the people. fenriz is a good guy who got along with everyone.

so who WERE vargs friends? people not into black metal. what were these people like? whats vargs rel like with HIS father and his brother?

so many questions hahahaha.

anyway i think a varg fenriz meeting now would be very productive for them both. and i think varg could push fenriz to realize his full potential. this is the fanfic movie I would make hahahahaha.

like my fanfic sequel to the big lebowski that redeems the classic characters into nondegenerates hahaha.

or my fanfic sequel to king of the hill, 10+ years later, where bobby is like 30 years old in Current Year.

hahahahahahahahahaha.

so i am tempted to post a comment on vargs video to encourage him to Reach Out to Fenriz.

thing is, Fenriz is totally in his Comfort Zone. he’s happy doing what he’s doing.

i dunno. i just like proselytizing Traditional Family Values to All White People. I see a good white man who i think would be a good father, and I think it’s a SHAME that he DOESNT Leave a Legacy. And I’m not talking about timeless music or even The Fame Of A Dead Man’s Deeds!

cattle may die, Kinsmen may die, sure, but just as fame of dead mens deeds don’t die, so do kinsmens kinsmens kinsmens kin dont die hahahahahahahahahahahahaha.

varg with his 6000000 children could speak to this better than I could. but see i am sold on this way of life way more than i am on fenriz’s. and i mean that in the nicest possible way to fenriz. im not judging him as a Degen Nihilist Slut Negro Mentality.

hey maybe fenriz thinks he would be a bad father.

i mean shit i KNOW i would be a terrible father because i cant even take care of MYSELF. but i might have POTENTIAL to BECOME good father material, i think all white men do. and i think fenriz has enough money. i am SURE many of his colleagues at the post office have children! also i would totally support him doing one sell out show of darkthrone to make money for his family!

i mean nocturno CULTO has children for gods sakes. mr hateful culto who doesnt like anybody managed to get woma/en to birth two children for him.

now i do think that deadbeat fathers are like that simply because they had children when they WERENT READY. but i do believe that ALL white men are capable of becoming ready to be good fathers. that these deadbeat fathers could have one day been good fathers if they just KEPT IT IN THEIR PANTS and didnt bang sluts without a rubber when they were too young to handle a kid. typcal N behavior hahahaha.

like i WOULD LIKE to be a good father someday, but if i had a child right now with some white trash slut, i would run away like a coward. i cant take care of a child!

and this is totally understandable at 20…..much less understandable at 30.

a LOT is SUPPOSED to happen between 20 and 30. but for me it really DIDNT. because YOU are supposed to MAKE that stuff happen with a LOT of Hard Work, effort, energy, and agency! it doesnt just HAPPEN on its own!

i didnt realize that until i was 30 hahahaha. well ok, maybe 26 hahahaha. well, i always KNEW it but ran away from that responsibility by drinking until i was 26.  sheeeeeeeit kinda wish i had gotten Busted a few years earlier! 22, 23, that would have been great year to stop drinking hehee.

and yet I STILL want to do MJ!!! it clouds your mind in a diff way than alcohol…….but it definitely clouds your mind! impairs your judgment in all things!

bbbbbbut my mind is clouded ANYWAY with hate and despair and fear and worry and anxiety and bad negative attitude and feels and r9k and incel and foreveralone and entitlement and elliot rodger and the red pill and niceguytm and K all normies and all that hahaha. at least being clouded with MJ or alcohol is a step up in terms of being more pleasant and positive!

ayo hol up hol up. so ALCOHOL would be POSITIVE?

MJ would be POSITIVE but ALCOHOL isn’t?

everythings a damn slippery slope hahaha.

well honestly i have no or very little desire to drink alcohol, it just doesnt APPEAL to me.

MJ on the other hand, APPEALS to me like none other.

what would fenriz do? drink beer, PROBABLY smoke some MJ, listen to metal, and have fun.

what would varg do? drink non-alcoholic beer, work on his russian lada car, make videos with not-his-best ambient music in the background hahahahahaha and proudly parade his beautiful children and live out the 14 words. and judge degenerates as degenerate. i mean yeah thats really appealing too!

but he’s not a neet virgin see! he’s a PRINCIPLED MAN, an honorable strong alpha man, with nice wife and a HORDE of beautiful blond blue eyed aryan children!!!!!!! he gets to BE autistic and live in isolation……with his young wife and 6 kids!!!!!!!! BIG difference between that and a neet basement dweller virgin! varg has had secs 6 times hahahahahahaha.

well these men are entitled to their privacy. im actually shocked that varg has Opened Himself Up so much to the world. I’m happy, because he sets a GREAT example, but he’s compromising his own privacy in a way I thought he never would.

maybe i should attempt to get an interview with FENRIZ, because he supposedly does hundreds of interviews whenever they do a new album. so my interview with fenriz will include all those questions about his personal life: his ex wife the artist, his GF’s, his FWB’s, his normie friends, his job, his family, his drinking, what he thinks about MJ, why doesnt culto scream like he used to, why is there one classic song on their new album but the rest is kinda meh, why dont you want kids, here’s why you should have kids, here’s why you should should go and hang out with varg and his family for a week, heres why you should quit drinking for a year and just see what happens, here’s why you need to pass on your damn genes and not just your music. you are SO CLOSE. have a rea come to jesus talk with him.

you can still do your radio show. i might even start listening to your radio show. you can still listen to metal. wouldnt you like a family to share your metal with hahahahaha.

is it he cant find a good woman? i doubt that. or does he just prefer sluts because muh dick? well he needs to get out of that muh dick mindset!

whats better, to be a muh dick white negro, or a hateful neet incel elliott rodger KV who cant even pull SLUTS?????

its honestly worst to be the neet virgin! then youre WORSE THAN A NEGRO!!!!! ME!!!! Thats where I am right now!

the PRINCIPLED, MORAL white man is worse than a degen muh dick negro, “simply” because this particular principled moral white man is also a neet loser virgin!!!!!!!! that is muh trump card!

so when fenriz was 21 he was still working at the post office (prob full time) and would get off his shift, buy a case of beer, and come over and hang out at euronymous’s shop and drink the beer, according to varg. i mean not that thats not a credible story!

basically, fenriz was able to live the life of a 21 year old normie: FT job like an adult, but also partying, socializing, drinking, having friends, probably GF’s, AND being in a band and making tons of music. classic, timeless music that will never die. while also being Sorta Immature and Drinking a Little Too Much, like a 21 year old man in his Party Phase.

so yeah i cant relate to that AT ALL, because I have so little experience in successfully working a FT job or being a normie. when he drank he did it right, when i drank i did it wrong. basically these were NORMIES!!!!!!

that is a weird thought, that the kvlt black metal guys i like are just more damn NORMIES. NORMIES GONNA NORM.

i am triggering the shit out of leftist reddist phaggots, who hate the term normies, cuz only niceguy broken men entitled incel r9k neets use the word. shit yeah.

and VARG is essentially a normie because he was hanging out with GRILLS from a proper age.

fenriz got grills, varg got grills, shit even euronymous probably got slutty grills hahahahaha.

you know who didnt get grills? probably dead. well, maybe he got one grill, got his heart broke, then K’d himself hahahaha. [pure speculation]

i hear that dead was a truly weird, lonely soul, not of this world…….and also that he was  a real nice sweet sensitive guy. im sure it was closer to the latter.  and then of course you try to add the grim early 90s norwegian black metal SPIN to that, and he becomes a twisted, dark, cold, lonely, hateful soul, one with death hahahaha.

maybe fenriz should have helped him learn Game to Game those white sluts hahahaha. or he could have gotten euronymous’s sloppy seconds.

but thats the thing about neet virgins…..THEY (we) CANT EVEN PULL DIRTY SLOPPY SECONDS SLUTS!!!!!!!!!!

so that is really a confidence killer!!!!!! the worst, easiest women dont even want us for a roll in the hay!

i mean i dont really care about “the scene”……………….but I do really like burzum and darkthrone, who were huge figures in “the scene”, so there you go. plus they are all interesting PEOPLE with interesting STORIES. and to top it all off, they made actually interesting music. and they continue to be interesting people 25 years later…..even if their music is less interesting.

so yeah. varg fenriz reunion nao.

rej email from 17 an hour county clerical job. SHEEEEEEEEEEEEEIT. i mean 17 dollars, 34k, thats WITHIN REACH for me a lot more than a goddam 40k job. so a rejection from a 34k job actually stings MORE than a rej from a 40k job.

at least for a 24k job, i could convince myself that they rej me because I was “overqualified.”

not so much for a 34k job. thats right in that sweet spot. i mean my glassdoor market value is 35k! the FEDGOV technically COULD pay me 34k as well!

really, I shouldnt apply for jobs MORE than 34k, and I honestly try NOT to……….

but most jobs are far above or far below 34k!!!!!!!!

slow genocide of the Middle Class hahahaha. hollowing out of the middle. the 34k’ers.

i mean i just want to make the average wage of my state/region/area, which is AROUND 13 dollars an hour, 26k a year. anything more is a BLESSING.

also, why do companies do Massive Layoffs, when they could just do Massive Pay Cuts instead? then people could keep their jobs at least, and there will absolutely be unhappy people who will quit voluntary. more cost savings there goy.  so yeah i dont understand why companies will just cut jobs entirely when they COULD just cut wages.

or CANT they. because the numbers dont crunch out that way.  you dont save enough MONEY by just cutting WAGES, you HAVE to cut JOBS if you want to save enough MONEY.

hmm apparently you cant buy gift cards online at gift card granny where you can save 5% or more off the face value. not a bad deal. like get a 25 dollar gift card for 23 dollars. not bad if you are looking to buy some gift cards……which i am!

maybe fenriz doesnt WANT to have kids ok? maybe hes happy with his life just the way it is!!!!

i mean not everyone WANTS to have kids!

yeah but a lot of people DO.

and the white race is kind of at a precarious position right now. so that if you care about the white race AT ALL (and I most certainly DO!!!!) then its kinda your DUTY to have kids. ESPECIALLY if you are of means.

and if you are NOT of means?

then GET of means ASAP mother fooker, because we are having a RACE WAR!!!!!!!!!!

otto skorzeny did not move to the US and was not your GF’s grandfather bro! he moved to spain and or ireland and even worked with the mossad for a bit.

listen to this good goy. 6 million jooz murdered by the n4z15 in the h010c4u5t. sounds like a wacky conspiracy theory tinfoil hat guy hahahahaha.

travel channel show. that old man you met was NOT otto skorzeny. how could you believe he was.

so yeah doing fun social thing today, which is not something i usually do, which is a step in the right direction for me. just be nice and smile and say thank you. baby steps. dont even worry about keeping up with Witty Banter. to me its always like a competition, who can do the wittiest banter, but thats not REALLY what it is, its just people who enjoy doing witty banter with each other and it comes very easily and naturally. only for me is it such a challenging competition! they dont care that im not the wittiest!

for a brief window of time, when i was about 21 or 22, i was kinda a social drunk fenriz character. i hung out a lot, also drank a lot, and had some small measure of charisma or celebrity. a lot of it was a bad reputation as a drunken wildman who said ridiculous things. NOT the type of thing I want to be remembered for. yet it was interesting having some amount of “popularity”.  probably the closest i got to being a normie. was able to parlay it into casual flings with two casual gurls. then my 15 minutes of fame were OVER.  and IMHO I wasted it drinking and being ridiculous and I was largely misunderstood. i would rather be remembered as a Nice, Moral, Honorable Man, than some Salty Loose Cannon Drunk Crank.

 

THIS IS THE LIFE IVE CHOSEN

HOW is this the life I’ve chosen hahahahahaha.

oct 25

sheeeeeeeeeeeit.  interview this afternoon with banking company, easy back office super entry level high school job hahahaha.  but i cant get a sweet 35k Recent Graduates or Pathways job with FEDGOV, so as an Old Graduate, Im forced to settle for a 25k nongraduate job hahahahaha. THIS IS THE LIFE IVE CHOSEN. THIS IS THE HAND IVE BEEN DEALT. I CHOSE THIS hahahaha.

well thats contradictory: you dont CHOOSE the hand you get DEALT by the dealer. its all chance. fate.

yeah but i made a bunch of poor decisions and mistakes that led me to where i am today, so, indeed, THIS IS THE LIFE IVE CHOSEN.

I was in a C++ coding class with this guy who always used to say that. he was prob severely depressed, maybe 45 years old, working FT i think with mainframes, and i had no idea why he was in the class. he sounded like he had been working with code for years. i guess he didnt know c++, and he also wanted to chip away at his degree so he could get a better job. at age 50. even though he was already working like 60 hours a week in a tech job. he would chain smoke during the break in the 3 hour class and say THIS IS THE LIFE IVE CHOSEN and sigh despairing and demoralizingly.  hahahahahahaha. great guy.

maybe he was a virgin or a woman hater too! hahaha. or a Creepy, Abusive, Controlling, Clingy, Needy, Immature, Toxic, Narcissistic Bad Man.

the obvious response is: HOW IS THIS THE LIFE IVE CHOSEN??!?!?!?! I DIDNT CHOOSE THIS!!!! DID I?!?!?!?! I DONT REMEMBER CHOOSING THIS!!!! NOBODY ASKED ME! NOBODY TOLD ME!!! I DIDNT KNOW!!!!!

IGNORANCE OF THE LAW IS NO EXCUSE. THIS IS THE LIFE YOUVE CHOSEN.

you chose it without KNOWING you were choosing it, or what you were choosing. but you chose it nonetheless.

god damn. how the hell did i not apply for one of those recent grad pathways jobs with FEDGOV when i was a recent grad? because i was immature AF as well as a jooish marxist who believed fedgov was an evil behemoth oppressive nonwhites at home and abroad. how could i become a part of the bloated military industrial complex used to oppress and kill innocent nonwhite wimmin and children in iraq and syria and afghanistan.

like they were just GIVING AWAY 35k entry level jobs to 22 year old shitheads like me. i mean its prob competitive as shit. but i DID have Superior GPA from a Name School, so i think i did technically have a chance. now I got no chance because im not even ELIGIBLE. Im too old. i missed the boat. the fast track. now i am on the nowhere track.

they have more Recent Grad Pathways jobs than they do Basic Bitch GS 05 jobs!!!!!!!!!!!!

i coulda been a contender, i coulda started at gs07, but now id be happy AF to take 05! pleeeeease respond! please interview me! most of all please hire me!

this is how i kill 34 minutes before going to muh interview hehehe. i mean i got the big interview done yesterday. i already researched this company today, i researched them 2-3 weeks ago when i did the other interviews.

i could TECHNICALLY start a masterz degree program (BS online MBA) and then get into one of these pathways jobs hehehehehe.

i mean making alot of assumptions here. what if the pathways job is harder to get into than HARVARD or MIT. i just dont know.

“sort of ex/bf” wtf does that mean???? YOU DONT KNOW IF HES YOUR EX OR NOT???!!?!?!?!?!?!?!??!?!??!??!!

heh. at least i got that going for me. there is NO DOUBT that That Woman did not want to be with me. So now all I need to do is Forget About Her, and uhh learn the lessons and not make the same mistakes again. not be a COWARD again. be a MAN.

FIFTY DOLLARS to see MORRISSEY??? For 20 sure. for 30 maybe, a big maybe. i mean im not even a huge morrissey fan, i just respect what he’s done and i like the ridiculous lovesick grumpy image. i only know like 3 or 4 smiths songs and like 1 or 2 morrissey songs. 50$? rather spend it on MJ hahahahaha.

 

why dont you go to grad skool, you old white man. you get in what you put out. maybe if you CAREER FOCUSED like WOMEN you wouldnt be in this mess.

way to have a NEGATIVE, ENTITLED attitude that employers can SMELL a MILE away. go to THERAPY and fix your negative entitled attitude.

i was thinking about posting just to give him sympathy but then the post got locked. prob cuz it got very heated in there with people piling on this poor guy. IMHO, he is ENTITLED to have a negative attitude!

did i even talk about the interview? it was ok enough, i was nervous and rambling. i appreciated that they werent trying to RUSH me out of there in 45 minutes. it ended up being damn 90 minutes. i get the impression they give people all the time they need to Hire and Interview. i was a little exhausted at the end of it. the person was nice enough.

unfort there is also a damn second interview. i didnt expect a second interview for this damn 13 dollar an hour job. well i mean i didnt expect it to be a part of the process. but i would like this job so i DO want to get invited to the second interview.  but its also discouraging. i dont think ive ever made it to a second interview. i mean i am honestly sick of interviewing. 27 interviews and no job hahahahaha. well, i am a little TOO picky about jobs because i know I would prob K myself at a restaurant or fast food or grocery job. so i am trying to get a damn office job.

well just get a “transitional” job. well thats the thing. well sure you have to bullshit like its not transitional and you want to work at this shady restaurant the rest of your life.

well i can handle a lot more than i THINK i can handle, when I am not having Huge Personal Drama with a Woman at the job.

so if any one of these 27 places said yes, i could have probably handled it. for a year or so. then ragequit. then spent the next 15 months trying to find new job haha.

well the manager i talked to knew one of muh references, sort of. i will take that as a good sign. a SIGN from GAWWWWWDDDDDDDD. much like seeing that woman from my old job, working at the place i interviewed yesterday. not sure what is the better sign.

or it just means nothing hehehehe.

now i feel strangely tired. even though i got plenty of sleep. i always get plenty of sleep. too much sleep! i worry how i would be able to handle working 50 hours a week! i would literally have to do nothing but work and sleep. no exercise, no chores, no family, no 1488 podcasts, no powerwalks, no writing hahaha.

but heres the thing, i cant go RIGHT TO SLEEP after work because im too worried and my mind spinning and reeling about work stuff. the best thing i can do is take a ton of MJ, relax a bit, and THEN go study for 90 minutes or so, to give me a sense of confidence on the Work Material and that I am Ready for the crazy day tomorrow. so thats at least 2 hours of post-work home stuff there.

for a person that likes to spend 12 hours a day in bed, that is hard to swing hahahaha.

is it normal to spend 12 hours a day in bed? what is it a symptom of? despair? laziness?

i dont spend the WHOLE TIME sleeping. but uhh I do spend about 10 hours sleeping. 10 hours sleeping every night. the average is 7 hours. come on. but i feel like i cant FUNCTION hahahaha.

i mean yeah for a while i WAS a normie, getting 7 hours of sleep, working super stressful job all day every day. i was paying my dues just like everyone else.

but i just want a job where i can do tasks. have a routine. not have so much god damn change and confusion and being SLAMMED and having to explain and fix shit you didnt understand. its your job to answer the phone and there are calls always waiting in the queue.

heh the best was when i was on like a 90 minute call and i really had to urinate because i had been drinking a lot of coffee and water. i have actually put the caller on hold, ran out of the room and urinated, then came back to continue the call 2 minutes later with no one the wiser. because i was constantly putting the caller on hold for 5 minutes at a time to “research” or “get some advice” or run such and such a program.

but yeah that was HORRIBLE. i guess theoretically i could have asked the caller for permission so i could go to the Restroom. newbs would think, well why cant you just call them back.

ONE DOES NOT SIMPLY CALL THEM BACK because then you are in OUTBOUND call mode and that counts as Not Ready and you have to be Ready 85% of the time.  you are only ready when you are Inbound. on an inbound call, or those times when you are waiting for an inbound call.

i dont remember those times so much but we actually had them. but those times kinda sucked too because you were on the edge of your seat worried about when you would get that call and what it would be. i couldnt just Chill Out.

but yeah technically it WAS better than having one call after the other, to at least get a couple minutes between calls to rest or maybe even talk to your neighbor and try to convince yourself you were a normal human being who knew how to talk to people.

i dont want to work in a goddamn call center on inbound calls ever again! is that so illegit of me???!?!?!?!?!?!

its not like i wont serve customers or talk to people! i will give customer service! I will even sit in the inbound call queue for……..2 hours a day hahahaha. maybe even 3. but not fookin EIGHT hours a day.

i just hate that i WASNT TOUGH ENOUGH. I wasnt tough enough but SHE was.

 

wait until she leaves him for one of her more interesting male friends, he is right to be “insecure.” also he is shamed for thinking casual sex is wrong and not liking that his GF had a FWB casual sex partner. shamed by all the casual sex NIHILIST sluts of reddit.

feel pretty exhausted, not sure why. was it really because of muh 90 minute interview? i think so. but i used to do the equivalent of 8 hours of interviews every day at work. and yeah i was exhausted too but i couldnt sleep because my mind was RACING and worried.

right now im not worried and mind racing thank GOD. but i shouldnt be THIS tired. just from a 85 minute interview. i mean i sleep 10 hours a day. i cant upgrade the citalopram any more said the dr, 40 mg is maximum dose. the other option is that i could add wellbutrin. who knows. might do that. keep adding shit until one day i can HANDLE Normie Life. not even a Rel! but just a normie job. like the ones i interviewed for today and yesterday.

int tommorow, i am barely even preparing. i have talked to these people TWICE before, taken like FOUR tests with them, also this is a part time job, i am sick of doing prep work for them. but this part time job pays pretty well (15 an hour) and i would not turn it down AT ALL. I would welcome it.

just too many god damn college “educated” professional women on reddit. thinking they are all smart and progressive with their horrible nihilistic “progressive” “values.”

anyway i am a VERY low key guy and i would not like the “rockstar” gf like this guy has. its fine and dandy she has “CHOSEN” him but i guarantee shes gonna end up CHOOSING one of her more interesting male friends, and his “insecurities” will be 100% correct. he would be better off with a low key person like him, someone who doesnt have FWB’s.

i certainly want a low key woman. That Woman was very low key and did not like to party at all. no drinking, no going out, just staying in with the family, no tons of male friends. i LUVED that about her. i mean i have dealt with the other type of woman too. too many male friends, sluts, etc. college sluts that probably use reddit now and give horrible advice.

anyway i just worry that I singlehanded Ruined my rel with that woman because of My Issues that I should have been Getting Therapy for!!!!!!

but i HAVE been going to Some Therapy and taking medz every day!

oh god what a butt slut hahahahahahahaha

at the age of 24 shes ONLY had THREE serious enough relationships (out of 600000000000 secs partners) that she Luved enough to let them put it in the ass. THANKS.

anyway didnt mean to get on a tangent there.  i just dont want to RUIN rels with My Issues. Insecurities and Anxiety and Despair and Hate and Judgeyness hahahahaha. oh you had 3 FWBs thats gross and NIHILISTIC hahahaha. well it is.

well i mean reddit said its FRIENDS with benefits and its not nihilistic, its not disrespectful, and it involves communication and respect and mutual appreciation, you are not just using people for secs nihilistically.

so THEORETICALLY its something I MAY be capable of. like if i met a qt young gurl who i thought, oh yeah shes attractive i wouldnt mind having secs with her.

but if she was a decent person and i got along with her as a FRIEND, AND was secsually attracted to her…….i would CERTAINLY get some kind of FEELINGS very quickly.

so i dont understand how these FWBs just dont end up Dating.  you get along with the person as a friend, which is HUGE, AND you are secsually attracted to them, with is HUGE, and together with the getting along? i mean shit it sounds like something that would work really well as Dating, so why the f not do that?

like i was good friends with that woman and wished i could date someone i got along with that well. and then i started thinking of her secsually…..and boom the FEELINGS came right along with that.

so yeah FWB points to the nihilistic shit of being able to separate secs from feelings, which IMHO is nihlistic and wrong and disturbing, just like that anxious niceguy(tm) OP says in that reddit where he was shamed.

fookin interviews. sick of this shit hahahahaha.

HOW DO YOU EAT A SH1T ELEPHANT

aim for 5-6000 words hahahaha

oct 15

yeah i really need to do more STRENUOUS exercise like running and also lifting. at LEAST do MOAR pushups.

had some terrible experience with the qualcomm atheros ar986x or whatever wireless adapter, at least i THINK the prob is there, and not with windows 10, or both, i mean i want a permanent fix here.

https://www.qualcomm.com/drivers

hahahahahahahahaha qualcomm does not offer drivers to users, you have to go to the OEM

anyway i tried installing what turned out to be an “unofficial” qualcomm driver, couldnt figure it out….i dont think? and then eventually ROLLED BACK to a previous driver which paradoxically had a higher number, but that might not mean what i think it means, and since one does not simply get clear explanations with ANYTHING tech related, i just accepted the god damn “fix”.

i should have just accepted that when you work in tech support, one does not simply explain things. you can either explain shit or FIX it, and it takes 10000000000000000000000000000000000000 times longer to explain it. its actually NORMAL for there to be no explanations, because it COST 9999999999999999999999999999 times more to explain shit than to fix it.

well that begs the question……….how do you FIX something if you dont fully understand it?

well, you just do Root Cause and fix the root cause and see if the problem stops. you dont necessarily know how things got from root cause to broken.

and i dont know how to root cause because level 1 doesnt do that.

heh. probably the level 2 and 3s who DO do root cause havent been trained on it EITHER. dont know the best practices of root causing. just trial and error. throw spaghetti at the wall. same as level 1 does. just CALL it root cause and wait to be proven wrong.

people posting job postings talking about HIPAA should KNOW its spelled HIPAA NOT HIPPA!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

managed to apply to three jobs today. again used the card game as my safeguard or buffer, my way of “holding my nose” and just doing it. music is another way of doing this.

had card game going on right side of screen, had browser open in top left, and then word document or spreadsheet in lower left. really need 2 monitors for this type of thing.  sheeeeit ill pay for my own monitor. and then donate it to the company. liek when i bought a new coffee machine at my old job and left it there when i left.

oh the one place is a hot shit accounting firm and they want Top Talent so they wont look at muh clunky cover letter.  be like motherfooker i went to top skool hahahahahaha.

hey i think i do a pretty good job during interviews covering up the fact that i have crippling, debilitating anxiety hahahaha, and just come across as having a normie level of nervousness.  and at muh last job i lasted a full year despite it taking a huge toll on me. i SURVIVED and WITHSTOOD. so just give me a damn CHANCE and HIRE me already.

i mean i was not healthy but i survived the anxiety a lot longer that you or me would THINK, i never ACTUALLY ran out of there crying and panicking, and i would have lasted a bit longer if SHE hadnt been there, and if i had smoked more MJ hehehehe.

but if she HADNT been there, would i have been able to survive the first few months?

i just cant say. she DID give me some moral support at that time, but I think that even more important was the technical support I got from the more experienced people around me. when i was panicking and didnt know what to do, they could sometimes help me out a little.

heh i have literally not lost any weight in 2 weeks. i have stayed 135.6 pounds for the past 2 weeks. yeah thats just fine but i want to get to 130. when you are a 5’7″ manlet, that is not as ridic as it sounds.

heh. i shouldnt have sent her 3 emails. 3 fookin long emails. at the most i should have sent her 1 short email saying dont dump me like this, ill pay for a shrink who can help you dump me in a nicer way, tell me our relship meant something and that i am not a piece of garbage and that you wish me well, i wish you well, thanks for the memories, the end.

ok i tech qualify for gs 07 govt paygrade, which starts at 31k. that is like 15.50 an hour. i qual bc i have “superior academic achievement” of over 3.0 GPA hahahaha.

so this is kinda good, it tells me FEDGOV thinks i am worth 31k a year bitches.

and if i didnt have superior acad ach, i would be GS06, which starts at 28k, which is 14 an hour, which is like average for all americans, which is GREAT.

and then 13 an hour was average for my state, so then i went down to that.

and then i said ok ill debase myself to 12 an hour because i have a long gap but not a dollar lower! even negros wont work for less than 12 an hour!

i was briefly watching this ridicul 1997 movie on BET called “higher learning”. it was quaint and stupid. omar epps from house played a young college black, being mentored in Radical Marxist Black Panthers by ice cube. none of the college kids talked like supergenius phd swpl marxists they way they do now, they sound like even bigger idiots. their poison rhetoric has gotten a lot more sophisticated in the past 19 years hehehehe.

there was a group of 1488 neo nazi skinheads with michael rapaport and cole hauser? from dazed and confused. hello sirs may you tell me more about getting a GS06 job with the FEDGOV hahahahaha. do you work for the FBI or the CIA.

and then laurence fishburne playing a Distinguished Professor with a jamaican accent hahahahahaha.

i reminded me of how things were simpler and more innocent in the 90s hahahaha. and that these college kids were just NEWBS in this SJW stuff.

not that the 90s werent nihilistic and degenerate with their marilyn manson and such hehehehe.

so michael rapaport shows hes hard enough to K a black, by shooting tyra banks. like K’ing tyra banks (omar epps gurlfran) is gonna win the RACE WAR which they also mentioned. were in a race war brothers!

if he wanted to do some real damage, he would have K’d the J’ish Marxist professors in humanities and social “sciences”, and skool diversity officers and admins.

but noooooooooooo just shoot blacks. so stupid.

managed to get 4 apps done on a saturday, not something i usually do. just by shrinking down my windows even more and having a card game up the whole time. card game is like my armour/shield against the lip curling disgust of doing the apps. holding the nose in a way to successfully Get Things Done. when you have to do 500, 600 of these goddamn apps. eating the shit elephant one shitty bite at a time.

yeah i already mentioned this but its important and bears repeating hehehehe.

its not just eating an elephant, its eating a shit elephant, because every bite fookin sucks and is painful and excruciating. and you have to do a lottttttttttttt of these bites. and you cant just do them for 8 hours straight or you will blow your brains out.

5 apps. noice. well the last one was an indeed quik apply, to a job at a tool factory in a very trashy part of town, that had been open for 25 days and had 350 applicants. and is prob 10 to 12 dollars an hour. of course they didnt say.

ok the trick to getting a medical mj card is to complain of PAIN. CHRONIC PAIN in your back or arm or neck. i am fortunate in that the one thing i dont have is chronic physical pain, but this is by far the most popular qualifying condition. despair and anxiety and insomnia and headaches arent qualifying. (well, MAYBE headaches would be.)

so go to a shady clinic with a shady doctor on doctor day, say you have chronic headaches and dont want to take opiates, and he will 75% give you approval. then you can go back in 30 days for a follow up visit to prove ongoing relship bona fides. most people dont do this and the state prob wont go after you if you dont. you think THAT WOMAN did that? hell no!

i should look this up. how many people does the state go after because they suspect they are faking their medical condition? probably not a single damn person. do you know how much MONEY that would COST?

i just really dont like the state having my name as a MJ smoker though. will endanger my career at the FBI hahahaha.

but seriously folks i am applying to a lot of FED jobs like army, air force, DoD, us attorneys, etc tho.

havent had any FED interviews hehehehe.

anyway as far as state medical MJ FRAUD, i would IMAGINE the state would use their resources to prosecute fraud on the part of DOCTORS and “caregivers”/dispensaries/SELLERS, before they would spend a penny to prosecute “PATIENTS” for Fraudulently soliciting Cards.

¯\_(ツ)_/¯

oct 16

i was thinking again about the Maximum number I would tolerate for a woman. I thought about, well, what if I were like a woman and I had Gotten With and Had Secs with every person I fancied. Then MY number would be about 8. Pretty high, huh? sure i would have gladly dated all of those women for at least a year each. AND I would have liked to be married by age 25 or 30 at the oldest.

and i am aiming for 25 year old women approx.

and also using a rule that you should not have more than 1 secs partner in a 1.5 year period. assume a 1 year relship, then 6 months to get over it.

also assume you start fooking at age 18.

so, add 2 partners for every 3 years.

so, by age 24 they should have no more than 4 men.

even THAT sounds a little high!

by age 27, 6 men.

age 30, 8 men.

age 33, 10 men.

and since i am around that age, i should have around 10 women and still non be a technical degenerate.

but 10 seems ALWAYS degenerate! plus I wanted to be MARRIED by now! and any woman should be married by 30, no exceptions!

and i would only be at 8 right now. assuming i banged ALL those women…….which is a RIDICULOUSLY big assumption. most of them didnt even have fleeting interest in me.

i was basically trying to come up with a reasonable, nondegenerate number for a 25 year old woman, so i could Manage Expectations from there.

and estimating my own number if I were a woman and could bang every person I liked. I would be at damn 8 by now. making me a huge degen slut hahahahahaha. if i were a woman.

also i have never LOST INTEREST in a woman. women lose interest in men all the time. been dating and fooking this guy for a few months, few years, just lose interest, dont feel it any more, better dump him and find a new man that makes me tingle. i just dont understand losing interest in peopel like that.

i havent lost interest in THAT WOMAN, and i havent seen or talked to her in 15 months! 450 days! im STILL interested in her!

but boy she sure lost interest in me, and now i am just a long forgotten piece of her distant past! i wish i could get over women the way they get over ME!!!!!!

i guess after “the honeymoon period” you start to lose interest. i never had that. essentially i was always dumped DURING the honeymoon period, which REALLY sucks. you never got a CHANCE to lose interest in them. and then you maintain that interest for 2 years after you were dumped. essentially turns it into a neverending honeymoon period of ridiculously prolonged pain and heartbreak.

much longer than any natural honeymoon period would last, which i guess lasts….6 months? 1 year at the most?

thinking about MJ definitely is a good replacement/substitute for thinking about HER, or WOMEN, or Hopeless and despair, or job search.

but MJ has its own set of problems.

but

AT LEAST IT HAS SOME PROS TO GO WITH ITS CONS!!!!

i mean it adds SO MUCH value. i think the cons of despair, laziness, and incoherence are WORTH IT, because I am ALREADY despairing, lazy, and incoherent!!!!!!!!!!

so i just go on Leafly and read articles about CBD and anxiety and opioids and local dispensaries and menu prices and indicas and such.

it would be GREAT if that one company in the area that i know of that deals with Medical MJ Marketing called me back for the part time data entry job i applied for hahahahahaha. i think it almost has to do with “biotech”, the CEO is a pharmacist.

this would be a GREAT industry for me to get into in other words, cnsidering my interests. except i dont necessarily want to be a “budtender” in the BLACK GHETTO hahahahahaha.

1, they prob make less than 12 an hour, 2, i could not explain that to muh fam, 3, dispensaries are kinda degen. MJ is kinda degen!!!!!!

there are NO alt right, trump supporting, right wing MJ supporters! i am kinda alone in that boat. some of the more libertarian rightists might support legalization, but certainly none of them personally enjoy partaking!

ok there is nothing in my official medical record that would support MJ card, so i have to say i have no medical records and i have chronic pain.

THEORETICALLY i could claim that the ssri meds i take cause muscle spasms and then THAT would be a qual condition.

also i cant determine how long you have to WAIT before sending the forms in, and getting your card, OR if you can just use a copy of your forms AS your card immediately. I think That Woman did the latter. ie saw the dr, signed the forms, sent forms, took copy of forms to dispensary THE SAME DAY and bought MJ.

i really dont think that is legal. my understanding is you have to wait 21 days from the day the state cashes your CHECK, and THEN you can use a copy of form IF you havent gotten Hard Card yet.

i am going to start reclaiming the word “VIRGIN” as a badge of honor, a compliment. if someone calls you virgin, say thank you.

my goal is to get virgin to be synonymous with GOOD, and “NONVIRGIN” to be synonymous with DEGENERATE, PERVERTED, SLEAZY, BAD, HORRIBLE, EVIL, WICKED, CREEPY, ABUSIVE, FOOKED UP, SHAMEFUL.

hahahaha.

shame people for being nonvirgins.

see, this is when your perspective starts getting a little weird hehehe.

i just hate that EVERY woman has “NUDES” on mens phones and computers. and it makes them feel SEXY and builds their CONFIDENCE that all these men they fook have NUDES of them. its fooking degenerate. plus i am jelly because i never got nudes of a gurl. i kinda would like to cross that off my bucket list. and somewhere out there, THAT WOMAN is sexting nudes of herself to the men shes fooking and getting INTERESTED in.

oh well. who cares. just let me buy some damn MJ already hehehe.

ok i am guessing 2019 will be the year we get recreational MJ for Adults in muh state. meaning the law will get passed in late 2018 and take effect jan 2019. cant wait hahahaha. 2 more years. the current gov and AG are against MJ.

so i would vote in leftist marxist dem state govt just to get legal MJ ???!?!?!?!?!!?

maybe hehehehe.

i mean i am very selfish because i am just trying to get thru one day at a time and fix my own problems. i dont have time for anyone else. i only care about muh family and the white race. and apparently muh MJ.  strange position to be in.

i mean i have literally been thinking about MJ much of the day for the past few days, like, damn, i really want some, why the hell DONT i just go in and see a shady doc, be like, welp i havent been to a doctor in years and i dont have any medical records, and ive been having chronic pain in my back for the past 4 months and i dont want painkillers.

i mean i COULD get medical records but theres nothing in there which SUPPORTS getting MJ, like nothign about this so called back pain hahahaha.

if i were a WOMAN id have no problem getting MJ hahahaha.

hehehehehe

im not sure if MW has ever mentioned his rumored GF, not sure if he does here, havent watched the video.

http://wasp.love/

alt right dating hahahahaha i dont see this taking off but if it does, good.

i mean if i want a traditional woman, i have to be a traditional man, and uhhhh thats prob not gonna happen unfortuantely. id like to be but DAMN you need to make a LOT of money and be REALLY successful.

so i concluded that i would be ok with a woman who had fooked maybe 5 guys by age 25.

maybe 6.

but not 7 hahahaha.

well ok maybe 7. but DEF not 8.

and honestly i dont want to go much older than 25.

MAYBE 26 hahahaha.

but not 27.

hello doctor. i havent been to a doctor in many years. i have chronic pain for the last 4-6 months. taking aspirin doesnt really help. i dont want to use opiates.

ok i really DONT deserve a good wife cuz i dont really have anything to offer. i was/am aware of this, but a good woman just sort of dropped into my life without me looking for me, knowing that i wasnt ready for one.

so it might not be inaccurate to say i raelly didnt deserve her!

well heres the thing, she had some red flags against being a top shelf good wife. if anything she would be a good match for me given my own shortcomings. the best woman i could conceivably get. of COURSE im not gonna get a woman WITHOUT Daddy Issues or who HASNT mudsharked! im a huge old neet loser, low male mate value!

anyway, point is, even if she WAS an objectively good wife material, and even though I didnt deserve her, it doesnt mean that i DESERVED to be snubbed in such a cowardly manner.

see i have to convince myself that i’m not so weak and creepy that i deserved THAT, that I got the extreme pain because I am extremely piss weak. shitty things happen to shitty people.

but really as martin luther kang said, never attribute to malice what can be attributed to simple cowardice. or ignorance.

meaning, she didnt have evil intent, OR i didnt do something horrible, OR I wasnt a horribly weak inferior person. she was just cowardly and immature. thats believable right? of course it is!!!!!

so yeah i WAS weak and didnt deserve a good women, but that doesnt mean that good women GET to be mean to me. woman2012 was a great woman and she gave a Master Class in how to dump an unworthy guy. have i said this before? hahahahahahahaha.

SHE had courage, SHE was mature, AND she was a good woman, AND I didnt deserve her, AND she still treated me with kindness and maturity.

sheeeeeeeeeit. managed to crank out some very low effort, negro style applications with indeed apply. 8 minutes then 6 minutes. all while doing the hold muh nose method of playing cards at same time. listening to boortzum also helps.

ohhjsfkhasdghj

now they actually recorded the WHOLE ALBUM but i cant find it other than on a secret link posted by the actual echo collective.

anyway they need to release that shit. i dont care if they are shitlibs examining the separattion of Good Art from Problematic, Hateful, Disturbed, AntiSemitic 1488 artist. (Note: I fully approve of and like Varg’s 1488, Pro-White, Counter-Semitic views, so I am just as Disturbed and hateful as him!!!!!) its an album with not the greatest production but i believe good songs under it all. so i welcome the chance to listen to cover version, tributes, maybe even a rerecording by varg himself hint hint.

but now he uses that NOISY synth effect which i dont really like either, its very shimmery and distorted and sounds like a laser and just doesnt fit, is like nails on a chalkboard. other than THAT, he does bretty good synths.

real low effort applications for data entry job with a law firm.

does working in a law firm mean you have to wear a different suit each day?

5 days a week times 150 dollars per suit, is 750 dollars just for Work Clothes!

then 100 dollars for 5  20 dollar dress shirts.

then like 50 dollars for an ok pair of dress shoes.

900 dollars to buy CLOTHES to work at a LAW OFFICE.

and you are making 12 dollars an hour.  you have to work 75 hours just to afford the CLOTHES you need to wear to WORK.

and with 150 dollar suits, 20 dollar shirts, and 50 dollar shoes, you are NOT gonna be on the good side of Average in a Law Office.

well the protip is, try to apply for two or more jobs at a given company in a ROW, because then you have to change less in your cover letter – just the name of the Leadership Team, and the name of the Position. dont have to change the name of the company, or Your Commitment to the company’s Mission, and save some time on your second app, and maybe appear more visible to the company. memorable. but dont apply for TOO many, then you look DESPERATE, that youre not TAILORING your job search, you dont care about FIT, you just want a job, any job, not a CAREER!!!!!! theyll find someone BETTER to give their 12 dollars an hour to!

https://www.livechatinc.com/blog/how-to-say-no-to-customers-without-making-them-angry/

this is the only article on the internet on how to say no to customers. and its not a very useful one.

google how to tell people theres nothing more we can do

most of the results are on doctors telling terminal cancer patients.

nothing on how to tell a customer, no, your problem isnt worth fixing, just live with it, it is what it is, not my problem, goodbye.

http://www.icmi.com/forums/topic59-i-want-to-speak-to-a-supervisor.aspx

i know ive linked this one before, but its worth sharing with your Level 1 Inbound Agents hahahahaha.

also we had no bulletproof way to transfer the call to another level 1, ie warm transfer and say hey this person wants to speak to a supervisor, so pretend to be a supervisor…….because all the level 1 people would be on calls,

ONE DOES NOT SIMPLY TRANSFER A CALL.

theres literally no one to transfer it TO!

so you tell them thats a very simple problem and i can fix that for you right now.

then they say, thats what the last guy said, and he struggled with this for 2 hours with no resolution or escalation, thats why im asking to speak to a supervisor.

thats actually a very simple problem, i can fix that right now.

then you take 2 hours to struggle with it hahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahaha because its NOT a simple problem at ALL and NOBODY knows how to fix it, but they dont want to escalate it either, they jsut want the problem to GO AWAY.

http://workplace.stackexchange.com/questions/67275/how-can-i-screen-calls-when-callers-refuse-to-tell-me-the-nature-of-the-call

not really what i was looking for, but still kinda interesting, basically acting as a gatekeeper to keep sales calls from the Decision Maker, which osunds a lot less stressful than being the Tier 1 tasked with Fixing Their Shit By Any Means Necessary, with no help or escalation or training or meetings or help.

https://www.salesgravy.com/sales-articles/customer-service/rich-baker-confounding-customer-service.html

bbbbbut its TOO EXPENSIVE to give the asshole customers what they want all the time!

yeah but thats not really what hes asking either.

yeah but its too expensive to TRAIN EMPLOYEES to handle tough trick questions.

yes yes it is.

our business analysts have crunched the numbers and have determined that yes in depth training IS too expensive.

The end! It is what it is! Theres nothing more we can do!

https://www.reddit.com/r/talesfromcallcenters/

oh this is nice, did not know about this one.

NEVER AGAIN. I will never go back to a goddam call center ever again. and i had a pretty GOOD one, with fairly good callers, all internal, no general public ever. and i still couldnt handle it!!!!!!!!!

oct 18

today i learned that indeed results can only go up to page 20, which is about 4 days ago when sorted by date.

putting 50 results on each page. or is it 100? whatever the largest num is.

got in 3 apps today. 2 at a german manufacturer that has an outstanding reputation and probably treats its employees well. maybe if i tell the american HR Ditz (masters degree in HR, PHR certified (not sure if i got that cert right)) that I think Germany should have won world war 2 and i Luv Uncle Adolf, they will hire me, because all germans are nazis who love hitler and hate joos hahahahahaha. and are not cucky softies apologizing for existing until they will be diluted and drowned by Migrants.

found the full

this is a private playlist but god damn they need to RELEASE this stuff, this is too GOOD to be private. very faithful rendition of the whole album performed by Competent Musicians on Real Instruments. people should do this for all of vargs ambient/nonmetal albums. i wish thats how he recorded them. i dont like synths Approximating (sometimes poorly) real instruments. i understand varg likes his convenience. thats fine. get other people to play it, like above.

finally got to the point where i had to go back to The Indeed List. I dont know if this is good or bad.

yeah i get imposter syndrome too.

first commenter says, the shitty thing about imposter syndrome is, from the outside, its practically impossible to tell apart from the dunning kruger effect.

and if you dont know what that means, you dont deserve a 12 dollar an hour job!

dunning kruger effect means that you are way less competent than you think you are.

which is similar but different to the peter principle, where you get promoted to the point where you are no longer competent. so your most effective position would be the one below that one.

maybe if his wife abandons him he will Change and Go To Counseling and get over his impostor syndrome (overworked and underappreciated IT guy who feels in over his head and works 30 hour days)

anyway yeah i felt huge impostor syndrome too, it was VERY stressful. but i wasnt ACTUALLY incompetent, so it wasnt really dunning kruger effect. besdies with DK, you are not stressed out, youre overconfident, so id take DK ALL DAY.

if youre gonna be incompetent, be DK and not an impostor.

of course, only 50% of impostors are ACTUALLY incompetent hehehehehe.

they just underestimate and undersell themselves.

yes i well aware that THREE of the songs on “daudi baldrs” are RECYCLED on other Boortzum albums. doesnt matter. they are good songs.

there is an ask men reddit, also a mens space where men can ask questions about women and rels and life. i am just tired of hearing about womens problems, and womens stupid advice.

i mean SOME of the women have good judgment. but no more than 50% hahahaha.

men at least 60% of men have good judgment!

also men can “send good vibes” more sincerely than women can. have better intentions. are kinder. more compassionate hahaha.

like reading the tales from tech support reddit, since i have wiped alot of detailed stories from my memory of my sentence in tech support, i can use this to tune up my Tell Me About A Time When Stories.

when i came in on my day off to call customers back because i didnt have time during my regular shift, and i didnt want to leave people hanging without an explanation or follow up.

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Attention_deficit_hyperactivity_disorder_predominantly_inattentive

people wiht this kind of ADHD get written off as derpressed, stupid, or lazy, instead of ADD, because they are not HYPER.

ADHD-PI. learned about it from that reddit thread, impostor sndrome.

ok applied for jizob while chilling out at night, up to 4 today. thats pretty good. also looked at 20 pages of indeed postings.

 

misunderstandings, miscommunications, autistic inexperienced guy, gurl who is too immature to Use Words, he thinks these things are dates, she doesnt, she wants a real date, young autist doesnt know how to.

well obviously he didnt Grab Her By The Pvssy (or just Make Out With Her) during one of those walks in the park.

and its a miracle she hasnt left him yet. him saying please respond, i’ll take you on a nice date, Ill grab your pvssy in the park pleeeeeeeeeeeeee just give me one more chance, i can change, i promise, please respond hahahahahahahahahaha and then he takes 2+ years to get over it.

heh call me a woman hater, but i think a guy is entitled to tell his gf she’s not allowed to hang out with her former “FWB”‘s. you arent allowed to hang out with anybody you have previously FOOKED.

oh but WERE dating now, and i never dated him exclusively, we were just FWBs, we just FOOKED.

i dont care. and if that makes me CONTROLLING, well there are women who prefer CONTROLLING men.

similarly, i dont think women should be hanging out with their ex BF”s either. just dont hang out with anybody you used to date OR fook.

its so weird for me because this is SUCH a common thing in the current year. but i just cant understand it. because every experience ive had “dating” or fooking somebody, i was dumped against my will, so hanging out with them, i woudl totally be thinking about “getting back together” with them. so maybe im wrong in assuming that of women. especially since women are the ones DOING the dumping. of course, you can still want to go back to someone YOU dumped.

i mean I wouldnt. Cuz i know how bad it feels to be dumped, and i wouldnt’ want to be LORDING it over them, and I wouldnt get past the idea that the other person wanted to get back together with ME, so……i just wouldnt hang out as “just friends” with them!

and all these women are making WAY more money in their male dominated stem fields, than i ever will! as Recent College Grads of 22 years old! I could almost be their FATHER hahahaha.

yeah i jsut CANT IMAGINE hanging out with someone i used to date or fook, without wanting them back, because i didnt like when they dumped me in the first place!!!!!

“DEAR” WOMEN, DONT HANG OUT WITH MEN YOU USED TO DATE OR FOOK, YA STUPID MORONS!!!!!!!!!!!!

 

I CAN LIVE WITH 50% A LOT BETTER THAN 99.9%

july 11

applied for the “facilities” job at the dream employer. the posting was only open for 5 days. From a FRIDAY to a TUESDAY. really suspect there. its like they DONT WANT a lot of people to apply for it ahahahahah.

well they probably dont!

but then youre just rolling the dice and getting really RANDOM people! and not necessarily the BEST people.

but that’s good for ME! I want weak competition because I myself am weak!

but yeah it would be a GREAT job to get. close, days, any overtime is paid time and a half, and icing on the cake is i already know one of the possible coworkers and get along with him really well. he might not still be there tho.

took 28 minutes to apply, but that did not bring up the average too much!!!!

meaning, the average is starting to be established as a lower number, closer to 14 than to 28. more good news.

i like to joke that i am saving myself for a woman who is a actual decent woman and not a dirty slut, so thats why i have been celibate for years hahahahaha. because a good woman is THAT hard to find. 99.9% of them are dirty skanks.

or maybe only 51%! a small majority rather than a vast majority hahahaha.

heck lets just GIVE THEM THE BENEFIT OF THE DOUBT and say 50%, because we dont know for sure.

I can live with 50% a lot better than 99.9%. and that is a lesson you can apply elsewhere in life, to overcome Pessmistic Realism Black Pill Despair.

 

this is eggman doing a video of him filling out a job app after he was fired from a data entry job, which i dont know if it was the same job where he was working 80 hours a week a few months ago. eggman is also a pathetic virgin or near-virgin making feels videos, but i think george feels is more my style.

holy shit some GREAT woman hating comments here. that are frighteningly credible. you find yourself nodding your head at the women haters, BECAUSE THEYRE RIGHT.

this is BLACK PILL REALITY. and we HAVE to ignore it. until we have a woman in our face trying to ho us out. then say “fook your bullshit baby, now suck muh dick or get out”

a woman can cuckold a man but a man can never cuckold a woman. FACT. just think about that for a while. let it really sink it. it really explains a lot, very elegantly.

anyway i used to read a lot MORE stuff like this. and it IS legit. it IS true. women ARE horrible. but sometimes its healthier for you to just stick your head in the sand and pretend women arent all that bad.

just dont worry about this black pill shit until you actually have a woman in your face testing you.

can you listen to music while doing your job applications? i say sure yeah, if it doesnt slow you down significantly. like more than 1 minute added to your average.

its just amazing women can graduate college and graduate school yet still be like CHILDREN when it comes to relationships and real life, yet they still get jobs making 40k a year. i mean you have to have COMMON SENSE and NOT be crazy, two things women are absolutely NOT.

that weird feel when you stalk the Department Head to find their name, and you find that its a weird spelling of a very common name that makes you wonder if whatever level 1 Admin Assistant input their name into the System spelled it wrong……or if that’s actually how it’s spelled. Because you want to spell Jahnathan or Crisstafer right on the CL.

should probably try to….something something. oh yeah. buy a ticket to see willie nelson live because he is not gonna be around much longer, he is at least 75 years old. he WAS doing a tour with merle haggard like last year…..and then merle haggard died.

i also am kinda kicking myself sorta because i missed the concert with “dead and company” which was basically some grateful dead guys with john mayer. john mayer really isnt as bad as one thinks he is. he is a very good guitar player and once you get used to his ridiculous voice, he is fairly enjoyable. anyway i have always been a DEAD fan but I have NEVER seen any dead related shows. dead and company had bill weir, bill kreutzmann, and mickey hart. weir and kreutzmann look old as shit, like they are at death’s door. i guess phil lesh does not want to tour any more. which is understandable. these guys are like 70 years old!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! it’s amazing they are still alive!!!! and i missed a great chance to see a good number of them.

also go through your list of job posting bookmarks and move all the B+ or higher rated ones to the bottom. or top, whatever is the “newest” or “most important.” so you can obviously not forget to apply for them.

welp 6 apps today with 12.5 minutes total for TODAYS average. which is now actually my total average as well. 12.5 minutes. horry sheet. and that is with a 28 minute app in there today.  15, 4, 7, 7, 14,  28. not bad uh.

maybe i should try to get invited to social gatherings and then take a mixture of valium and benedryl when i get there hehehehe.

welp i need to get up ridic early tomorrow to do favor for old friend. this is kinda good because i havent seen or talked to him in months and it gives me a chance to do a good deed. however i have my suspicions that his life is not going so good. maybe even trouble with his Marriage. that he might be 85% at fault for, hehehe.  also i dont want to get sucked in hehehe. but he has been very good about not taking advantage of me hehehehe so i sorta trust him not to do that.

plus i was thinking of going shopping for muh suit on wednesday and maybe if i am up SUPER EARLY tomorrow i can just do it tomorrow instead.

heheh i am becoming fond of poor georgie. he is a lot more funny and more likeable than I thought he would be, not as autistic and obnoxious and spergy. in other words, i think he has an actual chance. and in a less degenerate era, he would have been married. he’s not THAT weird that he is beyond all hope. i feel I am similar. I mean, i’ve COME CLOSE. i’ve just never closed the deal haha. george has a sense of humor and can make and understand jokes, which is a big deal. some of the autist virgins on the despair forums dont even get jokes, hahaha.

but yeah its frustrating that when a nice qt gurl is USED by Eminem-like Douchebags for Secs, but they would never even consider dating you! and they blow you off and get SO OFFENDED when you get feelings for them. and then you’re the bad NiceGuy.

who’s holding a GUN to these girls heads saying they MUST have secs with these eminem loser guys?

you can’t be USED for something without your permission!

july 12

horry sheet, invited to interview with the county, ie muh plum choice employer, after submitting 1488 applications and only getting rejections for 13 DAH jobs!

30k, not bad uh? start time of shift is at 3pm though, not ideal but oh well. for this employer, i will take it!

this ridiculous friend of mine, getting up early to do him a favor and he is just pretty much beyond help. it is sad but there is nothing i or anyone else can do. still it has resulted in distance between us. but he clearly needs to stop drinking, but will not. it is ruining his marriage and his life and put a strain on every relationship and friendship he has, but he still drinks. after 2 dui’s, several injuries and hospital visits, several Inpatient treatment stays. still drinking. trying to hide the drinking from the wife but that obv doesnt work. now wife is probably leaving. i really can’t blame her! i could not put up with that either!

but yeah back in the DAY me and him used to drink a lot together. these days i get along with him better when he is not drinking. cuz his drinking is an even bigger problem than my drinking was. but he wont stop drinking. very frustrating and disappointing and sad.

also i am disappointed at my own COWARDICE and BALLLESSNESS with him. I should have put my foot down and said, you HAVE To stop drinking or your wife will leave you, and she will be RIGHT to do so; and NO I am not going to stop by the liquor store on the way back to your house so you can buy little shot bottles of booze that you can sneak past your wife in your pockets. didnt you just go to REHAB in the past 4-5 months I have not seen you? and now day drinking on a day off from work due to a physical injury that was probably related to the drinking?

sheeeeeit. was I this bad to HER? like he is pushing me out of his life with his behavior, I pushed her out of mylife with my behavior?

NO DONT THINK THAT. COGNITIVE DISTORTION. its 2 VERY different things. being a damn incorrigible alcoholic is much different than having Feels for somebody. esp when you have been a Big Drinker for Many years and had Many Would-Be Wake Up Calls but refuse to listen to them.

also luv is more luving and good than drinking, which is blatantly destructive. culture of life vs culture of death hahaha.

yeh its a LOT different and its RIDICULOUS i would even THINK to compare them, and shows how DISTORTED muh thinking is, and with Distorted Thinking like THAT, no WONDER i got into despair and low confidence!!!!!

but yeah i received the invite for muh auspicious 10th interview after i have submitted 260 applications. this makes for some easy math. assuming  1 out of 26 applications leads to an interview and 1 out of 26 interviews leads to a job, I have to then apply to 676 jobs. Not 400 hehehehe. MOVE THE GOALPOSTS hahahaha.

i just went from 65% done with muh job search to….like 40% hehehe. DAMN.

and yet i dont feel BETRAYED by this friend. disappointed and frustrated, sure, but not betrayed. I don’t think i’ve EVER really felt BETRAYED by anybody, not even THAT PERSON. Disappointed, frustrated, heartbroken, let down, left hanging, left in the lurch, left high and dry, abandoned, sure, but not really  betrayed. how could she feel that about me? But I dont know that she does, in fact, chances are she DOESNT, much like I dont feel betrayed by her!

heh. i have an incident with this GUY and I bring it right back to that WOMAN, even though she is out of my life for a YEAR, and he is still hanging on by a thread.

yep the perfect thing to get comfy. triumph of the will and chill. would be nice to have cuddling with a tradwife while watching this hehehehe.

yes i am aware “tradwife” is a joke term for a tranny man. very alt right.

the only other bad thing other than this job being 3 to 11pm is that it is very near HER house. i mean it is almost comically close. I might even be able to SEE her house from there. spy in her window and see her getting fooked by tyrone and leroy and dewayne and rodney every night.

so yeah i dont want to drive by her street if i get this job. it would be funny if i were looking out a window directly into her bedroom watching her fook and suck ingras and eminems and neck tattoo pill popping trash.

i am worried she will become a slut now because she has no real father and she is into ridiculous conspiracy stuff. i was surprised when i learned she WASNT a slut. I just figured she WOULD be. and i am assmad if she can BECOME a slut at age 25 and would rather fook 6 gorillion black dicks than to even say SORRY to ME.

than to even send me ONE TEXT saying sorry for throwing you away like garbage when you were an important person to me for almost three years. i just realized that’s not the right thing to do.

unpleasant thoughts that That Person, my waifu who i am trying to forget and let go of but its a long painful PROCESS and I have to RESPECT THE PROCESS, that she is just a crazy Conspiracy Truther Nutty Slut like sinead mccoalburner.  and i take no pleasure in sinead’s disgrace either! I WISH she were a decent white waifu instead of a nutty slut!!

Note: that person was a lot nicer and a lot less shrill and a lot more laid back and calm than sinead!

676 applications to get ONE job???? is this REALLY what ALL normies must go through?

maybe it is. I just would have liked a little preparation for the reaming hahaha.

also i guarantee those darn baby boomers didnt have to do this. 676 applications. 26 interviews before one job. they just showed up on time with a high school diploma and that was good enough to make 1979’s equivalent of 15 bucks an hour hahahaha.

not bullshitting through 26 interviews about how you are a real team player and hit the ground running and add value, to get a 14 dollar an hour job!

14 bucks and hour, forget 15. 14 is closer to average. just want average. not greedy.

willie nelson, red headed stranger album

1975. regarded as one of his best actual albums not counting like live and greatest hits albums. also want to find a good live album. and something with merle haggard.

meh the album was a little underwhelming, plus i think the uploader has mixed it up to avoid copyright stuff and inserted a bit that was not even willie nelson.  underwhelming overall. was hoping for more band, or maybe every song would be more like “can i sleep in your arms” etc.

yep the woman i luved is giving her body to thugs and deadbeats and eminems and i’m NOT supposed to be angry and jealous? she can do THAT but not even RESPOND to me? and just cuddling with her would have been a life changing, game changer, religious experience for me.

because this job is technically in a law enforcement related agency, i wonder if they give random drug tests to all their employees throughout the year. some places do that. like being a police officer. but what about the slackers in the back office giving Administrative Support to the police dept? do THEY REALLY need regular drug tests?

i mean i just want to start working and start sm0king MJ again hahahaha. i can handle an initial pre-employment drug test, but regular drug tests after getting hired would suuuuuccccckkkkkkk. I guess I would still take the job though. I mean why WOULDNT I. 40 hours a week, no more, union, benefits, 30k a year, municipal office job. COME ON.

 

LIKE A WHITE GORILLA

hahaha I still do writing, it is just in the comment boxes to RIDICULOUS academic studies. in an ideal world there would be NO funding for WORTHLESS BULLSHIT like this. this is what PHDs do. this is their LIVES.

I am definitely not a true networker, at least not at the moment. I have made attempts to increase my LinkedIn presence, but it is slow and labored. I prefer to build relationships at work “naturally” or “organically”, in other words, I wouldn’t think of “networking” with someone until I had already established a fairly strong and friendly working relationship with them, or essentially become “work friends” with them. I have never gone to a “networking event” to meet people in other companies. This is certainly somewhat due to the fact that I am very low in my career and really feel quite powerless and worthless in terms of being able to “add value” to an organization. When I make friends with people at work, then I will feel more comfortable talking to them about our current job, and what they like and don’t like, and where they might be thinking of as the next step in their career. Certainly at this point I would feel comfortable connecting with them on LinkedIn, if not on Facebook! In short, I feel most comfortable “networking” with people when I get along with them very well, at the level of considering them “work friends.” I try to get along with everybody at my work, but as far as connecting more deeply with people, only a small number are in that “inner circle.” I am an introvert and very private person. I have no problem making shallow, surface acquaintances, but making deeper friends and having a deeper connection has always taken a lot of time and effort on my part.

study on professional networking. wants us to write a story as PART of the experiment! well done! next

We are asking each participant to generate one fictitious story that we can use for future stimuli. You have been assigned to the “negative story” condition. Namely, we want you to write a detailed story about an experience during which someone was not invited to a party by his/her co-workers because the (non-invited) person was rude to his/her co-worker, even though he/she is not typically a rude person. Think of as many sensory details as you can and elaborate on how the non-invited person in the story might feel during this experience. In addition, we want you to write this story in the first person as if you were the non-invited person (e.g., “I was…”, “I felt…”) to make the story as compelling and realistic as possible for future studies on this topic. Even if you do not personally agree with or have a first-hand experience with this topic, we ask that you write your response as directed.

Remember, please write a first- person account of this experience in as much detail as possible. ok go::::::

I was having a bad day. I was very unhappy with my job because it was extremely stressful by nature and I usually felt nervous, anxious, nauseous, stressed, overwhelmed, and full of doubt and confusion. There were plenty of nice people at my job, the one positive thing about it. I was starting to make a new work friend and I really enjoyed having someone I could talk to who could relate to how I felt about the job, and who could give me support and encouragement, and also just talk to like a normal person and bring a sense of normalcy and levity to the day.

Well, I was having another not-so-great day. I was stressed about the job and had been worried all yesterday evening about the confusing and unexpected events that would happen the next day, today. I couldn’t get good sleep at night because my mind was racing with jumbled thoughts. I had gone for a run after work to try to burn up some stress but it didn’t really seem to work. I took half of a sleeping pill to try to help me get to sleep at a decent time, but it didn’t seem to work either, and as I continued looking at the clock, I became more frustrated and worried.

I was also worried about other things in my personal life. My girlfriend had been very distant with me for months and I feared she wanted to break up with me. I very much wanted to work with her to address and fix any problems, but she did not seem nearly as willing to do this. I was much more willing to communicate and put effort into the relationship than she was. It was like watching a train wreck in slow motion. I didn’t want to lose her and once in a while I perceived mixed signals from her that maybe we could work our way through this rough patch. But really it didn’t look good. However the thought of losing her was devastating to me, and I really hoped we could work things out. It didn’t seem hopeful though. I felt like I was the one doing all the work, and that she already had one foot out the door. Needless to say I was not happy about this.

I got no more than 2 hours of sleep that night and felt horrified on how I was going survive another day at my job. My mind was a confused jumble. How was I going to explain confusing concepts to my clients that even I didn’t fully understand? How could I project confidence when I felt like a wreck? I was terrified and felt like a lost child who just wanted his mother.

I was totally distracted when I spoke to my work friend that day. I didn’t mean to be short with him, but he responded by being short with me. At this point I determined he was simply reacting to me, and that he thought I was intentionally being rude to him. He left before I could apologize and clarify the situation.

I should have been more assertive in getting out in front of this, but just avoided the situation like a coward. Later I found that he had had a party and had not invited me. I felt terrible because we had previously gotten along well, and he had invited me to a previous party, where I fully enjoyed myself.

I felt terrible that such a stupid misunderstanding could interfere with what was starting to become a promising friendship. I felt ashamed that my unstable emotional state led me to push people away without even realizing it. I felt frustrated, lonely, misunderstood, sad, and angry, like I wasn’t given a fair chance.

It was tough times all around.

////

I don’t see the president as being wholly responsible for the state of US economy. I identify as being quite conservative politically but do not identify with the Republican Party, and would like to see a more “true conservative” party. Will probably vote Trump. Not a blind Trump supporter but I think economically we need to be more protectionistic and nationalistic and much less globalistic. I am against globalism and my main aim is creating jobs in America, and uplifting the lower classes by creating more working class jobs as were available 50 years ago. An average person could make a decent living with a high school education or less. It seemed easier to get a living wage job. Now we have college graduates in 30k + debt unable to get jobs that pay more than 12 dollars an hour. This is disgusting in my opinion. I don’t think college should be free, but I think much fewer people should go to college. At the moment it seems like a scam to prey on gullible children and their families. I believe high school should itself be much more focused on job training and a wide variety of internships. Skilled trades training should be made available from an earlier age.
I would cut social science and humanities programs and make college programs more focused on job placement. Simply, if a student could not place a 20 dollar an hour job before graduation (for example), he would not be allowed to graduate, and schools would develop relationships with companies to ensure 99.99999% job placement rates, even with students who struggled with the interview and job search process.
But college would be the choice for less than 50% of students, and the rest would be involved in trade school or on the job training. Too many jobs ask for a college degree that really do NOT require it. Most people can do most jobs without a college degree.

some study about your beliefs about the economy.

////

oh yeah i had a DREAM  featuring THAT WOMAN last night. in it I was talking to an old friend and he said well you should just talk to her and I said I KNOW, thats what Ive been TRYING to do, but she keeps AVOIDING me, if I keep trying to talk to her, it will look like I’m stalking her, she obviously doesn’t want to talk and yeah you’re right, she SHOULD want to talk and this is fooking RIDICULOUS and she is being RIDICULOUS, she should just talk to me, but I can’t MAKE her if she’s being THIS stubborn.

and my friend say hmmm well I still think you should try to talk to her.

and then I saw her and she was being ridiculous. I was technically talking to her but we were not having a real conversation. and it was clear we were not going to have a productive conversation about the important issue. she was not very cooperative and was not listening and was just acting very immature.

overall impact of the dream was very low. it did not ruin my day and I can barely remember it less than 12 hours later.

so thank GOD for that. but it still in general sucks just to see her face, to see her. I want to pretend she doesnt exist, and some days I have good days and that goal seems attainable. becoming obsessed with doing machanical saracen seems to be helping with that, occupying my mind and pushing HER out of it.

may 22

is it naive and ignorant and stupid and doomed for me to be anti-globalist? ie you just cant be antiglobalist, because thats the rules every nation has to play by now? you can choose to ignore it…..at your own peril. its a gloablist WORLD and if you deny that, youre doomed. you cant just close the borders to foreign goods and say, we are gonna manufacture our own tvs and clothing and goods. then a pair of underwear would cost $100. what about food. i know we actually import food. chickens from china. apples from brazil. bananas from brazil. but we grow a lot of food too. shitloads of corn. not that corn is healthy, but still. i would imagine most of the beef and chicken and pork we eat is raised in the US.

but not the computers we use, the clothes we wear.

so instead of paying 400 dollars for this laptop, it would cost at least 1000. if not 2000.

like we just cant go back to the world of the 1950s where we produced a lot of our own stuff because the rest of the world isnt playing by those rules anymore. it simpl would not work to create a bunch of low level manufacturing jobs making our own computers and clothes.

but why not?

there was some news blurb that venezuela has stopped producing beer, becuase they can’t afford to import barley any more. so I thought, well, then they just shouldnt make beer any more. or try growing their own barley. if you have to import it, maybe the good lord didnt intend for you to produce beer. maybe he wants you to produce wine or Liquor instead. there are other ways to get drunk and forget you live in a poor crime infested shithole like venezuela hahaha.

bbbbbbut in venezuela they wait in lines for 8 hours a day just to buy household goods! women cant even buy Tamponz because they are not available, and you have to pay huge amounts on the black market for such things! this is what happens when you ignore globalism! and this is a country with rich resources of oil!

so in other words, manufacturing jobs are good for GOOD, and we HAVE to ADAPT to the changing world, we HAVE to train our children for Technology and Knowledge jobs……..and service jobs IE answering calls in a call center.

call centers are the new factories. call centers are the new manufacturing jobs where you can make a living wage.

hehehe i would much rather work in a factory than take phone calls and talk to people all day.

some people are really extraverted chatty people people. I am not. i just want to do a TASK, i dont want to TALK to people all day. and its not just talking, its clever engaged talking with a lot of Active Listening and thinking creatively. you cant just tune out and say uh huh. uh huh. the whole time. your mind has to be working creatively the whole time, thinking, how can i explain this? how can i fix this? what additional information do i need that they don’t know I need?

its fookin gay. cease this f4ggotry at once.

P7KsJtg

Please recall a recent occasion when you overate. Describe the situation in details and tell us how you felt after that.

Great topic. I struggle with overeating for a long time. Recently I decided I was unhappy about started to get somewhat overweight, and decided to do something about it. I got serious about counting calories and exercising, using the MyFitnessPal website to track calories in and out. I discovered that a person of my age and height and weight did not need nearly as many calories as I was regularly consuming. I was gaining weight for a very obvious reason: I simply ate more than I needed. I made a conscious effort to do portion control. I was disappointed that I could not eat nearly as much as I usually wanted to. I started feeling hungry more often throughout the day, and frustrated that I could reach my calorie limit and still be a little hungry. I also began exercising much more diligently, burning off a lot of calories that way. I ultimately lost 20 pounds and officially stopped being “Overweight” (BMI), so in my mind, that’s all that matters. I would still like to lose about 10 more pounds. I still have days where I overeat. I feel pretty guilty and disappointed and frustrated when I do. Like, I have worked so hard, and it’s so easy to blow it all just by eating this “snack” while out with friends. It usually happens when out with friends in the evening and eating a “snack.” then I am 400 calories over my 1500 calorie daily limit and know I am going to have to cut back the next day.
I still love to eat, so this will always be a challenge for me. But I have made significant progress so I know that the challenge is not insurmountable.

Billed as the “only known recording of Hitler speaking in a normal, not-loud speechmaking voice.” I cannot recall hearing any recordings of Hitler not in his dramatic, emotional, speech-making voice, but I am still skeptical that this is the ONLY recording in which Hitler is speaking in a normal voice. It is an 11 minute recording of Hitler speaking with General Mannerheim. Mannerheim sort of sounds like he is speaking Swedish rather than German, but it could just be a different German accent. I know Hitler himself had an “Austrian” accent supposedly. I don’t speak German or Swedish, but I am pretty good at recognizing different languages. There are other people in the room and sounds of cups clinking. They are probably drinking tea, coffee or water. They speak of a tank factory in Donets, USSR (possibly Ukraine currently), where Hitler witnessed 60,000 men working on building tanks throughout a single day, in undesirable conditions. Hitler was shocked at the size of the Soviet army and the size of their armaments, ie, he was shocked they had 35,000 tanks or more. He felt he had vastly underestimated the strength of his opponent.
I have no idea how legitimate this recording is. I don’t recall anyone addressing Hitler by name. I am simply not well-read on Hitler’s experience with the Soviet forces. I believe that he could have initially underestimated them. I am less believing that this recording is actually Hitler, and least believing of all that it is the only recording of Hitler not shouting.

I might get rejected for that one because I might not have followed the instructions about “no critiques” hahahaha.  yeah well it sucks to get rejected because many tasks want you to have like a 98 or 99% approval rate, which is pretty high, and one rejection can knock you way down. one single rejection can disqualify you from many tasks, in other words.

he’s gonna reject that one because i interjected too much commentary. didnt follow directions hahaha. he didnt even have a 9000 word essay on all the directions.

i am a very below average worker, i am a very below average turker hahaha.

hey i get it. i understand totally how women feel, used and discarded and thrown away by men. ok im done with you now. bye bye. why are you still here? i’m done with you. i’ve forgotten about you and replaced you. time to move on. you were nothing more than a temporary thing for me. im done with you. bye bye. get over it.

well this is exactly how I feel treated by WOMEN. as such i am shocked that women can treat human beings and relationships like casual temporary throwaway objects! I’m a human being god damn it!!!!! I have feelings and a heart and I am worth something! I am not just a task that you get done with in 10 minutes! Im a god damn PERSON just like YOU!!!!!!

and if i expected ANY woman to treat me like a PERSON, it was HER.

thats all hahaha.

being thrown away and treated like less than a person is FUN, said no one ever hahahahaha.

so she treated me just like Alpha Chads treat the women they pump and dump.

is that because she felt pumped and dumped by her most recent boifran? probably. if he can do it to her, she can do it to me.

but honestly I felt me and her were closer than she and HIM were! she was just in luv with him and fooked his black dick and made videos of herself sucking his black dick and getting sperm on her pretty face and hair hahahaha.

ok this is not shaping up well.

well i am getting to the point of who cares. i really dont care. i still do care a bit, but i have definitely made some progress in 9.3 months of not contacting her hahaha.

stuff like the job interviews and mechanical turk does help.

but i can still think of how good we got along and think damn that sucks. we had a really good thing. i NEVER get along with women that well. how could she throw away something so valuable like that? didnt I mean anything to her? I never get along with women that well. Does she always get along with men that well? not at THAT point in her life! she was still very unexperienced with men, and I liked that, because I am very inexperienced with women.

I wouldn’t say I’ve participated in a VERY similar study, but a MODERATELY similar study, and the researcher’s name looks familiar. But I DEFINITELY did NOT participate in the exact same study. This study was probably about how political views correlate with your personality traits and how you rank various college departments. As an Arts and Sciences grad who felt my degree was rather Useless, I have strong opinions on this, and would like to see much less availability of social sciences, humanities, liberal arts etc in Universities, and more of a focus on STEM departments.  In the pyramid, I would have put Arts and Sciences at the bottom, engineering at the top. Law would probably be moved down because I think law school is too expensive for the limited opportunities new law grads face. Medicine (I supposed technically a part of STEM), Engineering (same), Math/Quantitative (same), and Business related should be at the top of the pyramid. If Education reflects this type of educational system, then good, more money for that. I believe Social Workers do important work but I don’t know how effective they are, and I don’t think they are compensated enough, and it seems to me that there are too many social work students. I would NOT encourage my child to go into social work. I want my children and the future generation to be well prepared and to have a reasonably good chance at getting an in-demand, well-paying job. College education should be MUCH more job-focused.

the study was about social dominance and hierarchies hahaha. of coursei am an equality hating FASCIST so, i am big on DOMINANCE. DOMINATE OR BE DOMINATED.

GOD DAMN CVNT!!!!!

how can you just be done with a person?!?!?!?!

If i had the answer, would it make me any happier?

NO!!!!!!!!

Plus I already KNOW the answer, in general: because she was abandoned by her father. because she was betaryed by her BF. bc she does not trust men. bc she is an immature coward. bc she had some family stress at the time. bc she was overwhelmed and didnt know what to do. bc she didnt have courage for any of these reasons. bc she was in fight or flight mode and she chose flight. bc she was like a frightened animal who runs away when you make the slightest sound.

but why was she like that? with ME! I guess I thought I was SPECIAL enough to her, that I would get Special Treatment, that I had gotten through her shield. i wasnt just some random person she could throw away. she would be CONFLICTED about it. i wasnt just some deadbeat betraying her or cheating on her. i didnt think she would IGNORE our entire friendship. but its like thats EXACTLY what she did. and ONLY saw the “bad” thing I did (which wasn’t really bad bad) and compeltely forget about ALL the good stuff.  that was how she felt no cognitive or emotional dissonance here. or did she? I’ll never know!!!!!

what if she HAD said, ok yes, i DO acknowledge that you think I am important. I’m still done though. its irrelevant.

so, i guess what I wanted most was HER to tell me that she thought I mattered. a feeling which would then lead her to show courage to me, to show kindness to me, to do one last thing for me.

she has a lot more SHE needs to learn out of this than I do!!!! I learned everything I needed: blurt out the truth ASAP and dont rely on signals and dont WAIT around for them. just a stupid kind of not super important lesson. her lesson is: dont dump people like this. show courage and tell them they meant something to you. ANDDDDD she is NOT likely to ever learn that lesson. even though its by FAR the more important of the two lessons.

a study about coupons for free burgers that I was “forced” to eat every few days, presumably to see if I got tired of them:::

I personally enjoy burgers quite a bit, so you might have gotten lucky with me. When I went to college, so many people were vegetarians and vegans that it might have been considered unsophisticated that the average person would enjoy a burger. Not that I really care, I just know that some of these studies focus mainly on college students, which I think is a big mistake, and hopefully these studies reach beyond these unique and non-representative populations.

Also, I would not go back “several days” later. I would want to wait at least a week between each burger, otherwise I would probably get sick or bored of eating the same burger. Plus I am watching my weight and would not want to eat a huge burger like that every few days. Once a week at most. But I would certainly fully enjoy it every time.

Also the picture suggests it is the same exact burger each time. If it is a burger-oriented restaurant, there would probably be several options of burgers, and I would probably try a different one each time, to experience the full variety of their burgers. Like a bacon burger one week, perhaps a “spicy” burger another week, perhaps a “BBQ” burger another week, I have even heard of a deep-fried burger which sounds interesting.

I hope these concerns will be addressed in discussions with the principal investigator and in the discussion section of your research paper.

another one, paying a whopping 50 cents, from HARVARD: ( i think the burger one paid 20 cents and it took longer)

Good fun. I can’t believe you can afford to pay 50 cents for that, many other HITs would have offered about 2 cents for a short study like that. Is this because a university as highly recognized as Harvard is flush with cash? Only somewhat kidding. I would love to do any other HITs you have. Also I hear Amazon is taking a much bigger cut of Requester’s money, that is, the commission you are supposed to pay Amazon jumped from 10% to 40% over just one year. It was suggested that this would hurt academic research by making academic HITs less prevalent, and with less money to entice participants. I might recommend contacting Amazon MTurk management about this policy, if it is something that concerns you.

 

NORMIES GONNA NORM

april 20 1488

in the past we would celebrate degenerate MJ day……but as a grown ass man, we know theres only one thing to celebrate today.  AH did nothing wrong, the good guys lost the war.

had a dream with the former woman6, who I removed from that lineup because she really was a huge slut and dirty mudshark and she was not worthy of muh luv. but she was cute and she had a chance, but she just didnt behave herself, and she really was not the kind of nice, chill, kind person I wanted her to be…..which woman2015 was wawawawawawawa. she was just a crazy slut who was seriously affected by her daddy issues and she was probably bipolar too. very very bitchy and annoying. but also very cute and it was nice to be the subject of her interest. get your turn on the ride. be her next cok on the carousel.

of course I never even banged her or even made out with her, and this is a high-number skank who takes the sacred act of secs VERY casually. I mean she has to have well over n > 10, and probably a few abortions hahaha. plus she is a mudshark! she managed to get into a long term relship for once…..but its with some kind of negro or negro looking arab. REALLY hideous guy. she’s a cute white gurl. COME ON.

anyway she’s like 6 years younger than me, and way more successful than me and I havent talked to her in like…..6 or 7 years, wow.

so I had a dream where she invited me over to cuddle and I was like OOOO GOODY!!!! I luv cuddling and I have a crush on her, maybe we can make out too! and it will be so awesome to cuddle for hours and spend the night with her!!

so when I got there there was already another guy in the bed with her. looks like she wants to cuddle with TWO guys tonight. I was kinda disgusted, but I was like ok, I am desperate to cuddle with her, I’ll just get on the other side of her and cuddle with her and if things get too weird with that other guy, I’ll leave.

so then I cuddled right up to her and put my arms around her, holding her. and she sighed and quickly wormed out, it was clear she didnt want such intense cuddling. more like laying next to each other but barely touching. I was like well this is a huge disappointment.

then I was at my house and thinking about her and wanted to invite her over to my house and cuddle with me, but I couldnt get her to respond, hahahaha. yep I was done. no more cuddling with her. My turn on the ride was over. and no doubt she was fooking that other guy in the bed like crazy, and I couldnt even get 2 minutes of Legit Cuddling out of her.

anyway she was the last slut I was ever interested in, and hopefully THE last. really, not ALL women are this bad, and it’s honestly not FAIR to woman2015 to lump her in with this slut. it wouldnt be fair to any decent woman.

she could have been a decent woman too if she had a decent father and were not such a rebellious youth. into drinking and partying and Boiz.

well, this is typical of fatherless gurls. its just weird and interesting and funny and ironic that woman2015 also was pretty much “fatherless” but turned out to be a much better woman.

sheeeeeeit. yeah so i didnt mean

https://forum.federalsoup.com/default.aspx?g=posts&t=41730#post454862

I am trying to determine how good my postal 473 test score of 86.9 is. what is the damn average. there is lots of debate. nobody knows anyhting hahahaha.  i mean I want to do really well on tests, because I do really BAD on interviews. just being average or a slightly above average on the exam isnt gonna cut the mustard hahaha.

https://forum.federalsoup.com/default.aspx?g=posts&t=60580#post702517

also i learned that the huge personality test I took a few weeks ago is factored into that score. and MAYBE if you make your answers TOO good, you lose points. not sure.

https://answers.yahoo.com/question/index?qid=20120404104710AAwZgwj&page=1

http://www.quicktopic.com/33/H/vyMbVFFFZ3Z2q

this suggests you SHOULD be over the top ridiculous with your personality test. and i was. but i still dont know how good an 86.9 is. well if 70 is min and 100 is maximum, AND assuming a bell curve, then 85 would be Average, and I would be slightly above average.

this slut on fx news happening now with the big tits. cover them up whore hahahaha.  its NOT jenna lee even though she is listend as an anchor on the show. wayyyyyyyy sluttier than jenna lee. hahaha. and blond.

its not heather childers.

ok its heather nauert. how is she 46 fookin years old.

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Heather_Nauert

she has a masters degree in journalism from columbia (top tier program for that hahaha) and is married to an Investment Banker from Goldman Sachs. HAHAHAHAHAHA. what a whore.

-56 calories net calories yesterday. a new record hahahaha.

i cant believe she is 46 though. she must have done mad plastic surgery. usually I can tell with that sort of thing. I mean she looks very very good for 46. just needs to dress more professionally for her Chosen Career.

well dont blame her, blame the management! they make all their women personalities dress like sluts!

duly noted. i don’t doubt it.

ok my goal for today is go to thrift store and look for blue suit coat that kinda fits. might not find one.

AND also to prepare for The Big Interview tomorrow with staffing recruiter. there might be assessment tests in there, even better. cuz SUPPOSEDLY I do better on tests than on interviews hahaha. no actually I do shitty at both and thats why I cant get a 15 DAH job.

never mind a woman whos taken less than 15 cox and has no bastards!

i cant watch this butt slut any more hahahaha.

really not all women are sluts. just some. and it hurts more to get rejected by non sluts. because you know you lost a decent woman. and there are probably more sluts than decent women. 60 40 hahahaha. just cuz that is what our degenerate culture promotes: degeneracy. being a slut. celebrating sluthood.

the worst is being rejected by a good woman in a bad way. that is as disappointing as it gets. then you really blame yourself.

yeah I did screw up and yeah I did do some things wrong. yeah I was annoying and pushy. I ADMIT IT! but I cant stop thinking BUT. BUT that wasnt BAD enough that I didnt deserve some courageous compassion from her hahahaha. but you cant expect people to be COURAGEOUS for you. can you? in a way you can. you can really hope your friends will go to bat for you and not deny you like peter denied jesus hahahaha.

i dont think peter was BETRAYING jesus, but he was definitely DENYING him. and jesus probably didnt feel betrayed so much as he felt sad, denied, and disappointed.

i know that feel exactly hahahahahaha.

well, peter later redeemed himself and apologized i think hahaha. and later gave his life as a martyr for christ. i think hahahaha.

and of course in no way can we say peter was a bad or cowardly person. the man was a saint hahahaha. our first pope.

i think. i think there were two peters. peter and simon peter.

i think BMI is a generally useful enough. epsecally in regards to people looking like potatoes, or fat positive shit with women. basically, if I can fight the good fight and get to a 24 BMI hahahaha then I demand a woman of 24 BMI as well hahahaha.

ok ideally I want to get to 20. at 23.7 now. and of course men are cheaper than women, which is why an 8 man might have to settle for a 6 woman. so if I am 20 BMI, I should expect no better than a 25 BMI woman hahahahaha.

wawawawawaw That Woman wasnt even Overweight either! she had nice meaty thighs and buttocks but I liked those very much! and she certainly had a 24 or less BMI!!!!!! prob even 23!

she was really Too Attractive for me! out of my league!!!!!!

but her family was white trash!

this was a concern I had immediately. then I decided it didnt really bother me becuase they were good decent people who just had hard lives. and as long as they didnt get into drugs they should be fine. besides, white trash is still white. all that matters is that they are decent drug free people. and they were!!!!!!!! so in other words, they werent Too Degenerate White Trash 4 Me!!!!!!

in other words they were GOOD white trash and not bad white trash, therefore, not even really white TRASH at all. white trash is a degenerate ATTITUDE that they did not have. well not her part of the family. the most white trash thing she did was Mudsharked once. Real White Trash mudsharks all the time, had brown bastard babies, has bastard babies with deadbeats, have terrible teeth, curse like a sailor, drop out of high school, are huge sluts, get horrible tattoos, get into meth or painkillers or alcohol, get fat, go tanning, go partying, cheat on their lovers, cause drama, have dirty sticky houses, smoke 10 packs of newports a day, act like negroes basically. she didnt do any of that.

nope. she was and is an honestly decent, great, one of a kind, one in a million woman, and I pushed her too far, and she pushed me too far. it’s so sad and tragic. she was/is a GREAT woman and I didnt want her out of my life, I didnt want her to hate me. She was/is exactly the type of woman I want to wife up 4 Lyfe. and now I have to find ANOTHER one. how hard is THAT gonna be? impossible!!!!!

but maybe that white trash slut waitress will be at the pub tonight hahahaha and I can fook her and he stupid tattoos hahaha.

went to thrift store and indeed found about as good of a navy blue suit jacket as I could have asked. decent fit, and only 4 dollars. also got a new reddish tie. I figure dark blue coat, dark blue pants, red tie, and plain white dress shirt is the best you can do. look like TRUMP. I heard that if you wear a shirt with STRIPES on it, as I usually like white dress shirts with narrow STRIPES on them, that means you are not a team player and are less likely to be hired than if you wear a plain, unstriped white or maybe even blue shirt. Wouldnt risk blue though. just wear a plain white dress shirt. with big yellow pit stains hahahahahahahahahahahahahahaha. so thats why you wear the dark blue jacket!

and, finally, I would like to get a Light Gray jacket, hopefully for 4 bucks at the thrift store.

I wonder if there is an online thrift store hahaha like amazon but for thrifts.

get a job wear you have to wear a suit……then wear the SAME shitty suit EVERY DAY, day after day. dont even change the shirt or pants or tie hahahaha.  that will impress your TEAM and your superiors hahahaha.

governor of utah declares porn toxic and bad and an epidemic and a public health crisis. well i wouldnt disagree with them! good to see a govt saying porn is bad! because it IS!!!!!!! note they did not make it illegal. i dont think they could. but i think it is a great thing just to come out and say THIS IS BAD.

I dont even know how to prepare for this. its not just for one possible job. i mean its a temp agency hahaha.

Ok I made a One Sheeter. one page in open office. size 9 font, .4 inch margins. here it is, pasting it here for YOUR benefit::::::::::::

 

April 21 2016. Agency name. INterviewer name.
I am looking for an entry-level, trainee, or assistant position in an office, production, or warehouse setting.
I am an enthusiastic problem-solver and motivated self-starter.
I have a bachelors degree in uselessness in which I strengthened my communication and critical thinking skills, and I have completed almost 80 additional credits in Business and Information Technology to strengthen both of those skill sets.
I am eager to hit the ground running and provide value to a good fit organization.
My best fit organization would be one that provides good value to its clients and has good long-term leadership.
Agency’s goal is to partner with employers to find best-fit candidates that will help their business and their community succeed.
I want to help Agency achieve its goal of finding best-fit candidates that will help businesses and communities succeed. I would like to be one of these best-fit candidates.
I know “Agency has been one of the most successful and trusted recruiting firms for more than 60 years” in: Administrative & Support, Light Industrial, Information Technology, Accounting & Finance, Sales & Marketing, Human Resources, Legal, Retail/Wholesale, Manufacturing & Production, Banking.
I am a great fit for all of these fields except I am not an ideal fit for the inbound call center environment unfortunately. I excel at delivering service to inbound callers, but I prefer to balance inbound phone work with other tasks as well. I am very capable at resolving technical issues, but I sometimes struggle when there is a high volume of very complex calls.
I excel with a minimum of supervision and handholding, and seek to maximize my organization’s resources. I do not need my worked checked excessively. That being said, I do appreciate having access to experienced, senior team members in case I do have a question about a complicated procedure or a high-urgency, high-value task. I want to deliver service of the highest quality to my organization’s clients, and I seek to develop a good sense of perspective and judgment as quickly as possible, but I appreciate the privilege of being able to ask a limited number of questions while I am working through the initial learning curve. I would never inconvenience senior colleagues with repetitive questions, however. I generally say, if you can’t figure it out in 10 minutes, ask somebody, however this is always open to modification on case-by-case basis, depending on the number of complex questions, the amount of documentation and reference materials available, and the number of senior team members available.
I unfortunately had to take a leave of absence to handle a family situation. It was a carefully weighed decision accompanied by strict financial planning. Once we resolved the situation and put safeguards in place to ensure it would not happen again in the future, I contacted my employer about returning. Unfortunately, they replied that the business needs had been lower than anticipated, and that a round of layoffs had already started. I would be eligible for rehire next season (July 2016) due to my excellent and reliable performance however. I encourage you to contact my manager “Mr Big” with any questions. Please see my list of references.
I like to think outside the box and come up with solutions to problems. Whenever possible, I like to solve problems at their root, rather than using workarounds or bandaid fixes, or putting out fires. However I appreciate that time is money, and that fires can happen. I also appreciate that sometimes it costs too much money and time to do a full root cause analysis, so in some complex situations, we have to take our best guess, take quick action, and correct course later if needed.
I have a very good communication style and can handle urgent situations and difficult clients. Don’t interrupt, show empathy, listen actively, repeat their issue back to them to show you’ve understood, ask gently probing questions to get more information. Tell the client what your plan is and how you are going to follow up with them. Always make sure the client is satisfied before you close a case. Take ownership and show accountability for your work. If you don’t have the tools to fix the client’s problem, personally introduce them to a person who does.
A weakness is that I have struggled in sink-or-swim environments in the past, but I quickly learned to adapt. Change and growth is difficult and involves being pushed out of your comfort zone. Once I got used to being outside of my comfort zone, I gradually become less flustered and was able to solve problems more efficiently. I also use flashcards and a regular regiment of study in my personal time so that I am able to quickly power through learning curves, and hit the ground running during my workday, rather than waste time trying to figure things out. I take the initiative to study and learn work-related skills on my own personal time.
Are these 1099 or w2 positions? How many positions are temp-to-hire? How many are temporary contract? Does a temporary contract ever get converted to a direct hire? I am looking for a long-term opportunity ideal, where I have the opportunity to learn many skills and wear many hats.
I am a high-energy and outgoing team member, and communicate very well with clients and team members, however I am also an introvert and ideally prefer a small amount of quiet time to accomplish work tasks.
I also handle complex situations very well, but I do prefer a mix of the less complex along with the more complex.
I tell you this to help you find the best fit for me personally. Given a choice between a high-complexity and high-urgency position with higher pay, I would choose a lower-pay position if available. I enjoyed communicating with clients and solving complex urgent problems at the tech support call center job, but my best fit would be a lower volume of calls, some time off of inbound phone duty, and a slightly reduced number of highly complex issues. As I say, I enjoy working on complex issues and I’m skilled at solving them quickly, but I prefer a balance of less complex and more complex. Less urgent and more urgent. This is a win-win for both me and my employer, and enables me to be more productive and produce more value.
At the end of the day, I am looking to add value to this company and your clients. Hiring a candidate is an expensive risk, and I want to make good on your risk, and ultimately cut costs for your organization. I want to minimize costs and maximize profits, so that the company gets a good return on investment for choosing to invest in me.
If a client asks you a question you don’t immediately know the answer to, and again this is something I used to struggle with but have since greatly improved, you say: here’s what I know, here’s what I don’t know, here’s how I’m going to figure it out, and here’s when I’ll follow up with you.
I am great at converting unknown unknowns into known unknowns, and then finally into known knowns, all as quickly as possible.
In order to think outside the box, you need to LEARN THE BOX first. This can be challenging in a new workplace, where you have no sense of intuition or judgment on what is right or what is wrong. Many times the RISKS are NOT obvious. Crossing a busy street would entail obvious risks even if you had never seen a street or a car. The risks in very specialized business processes are much less obvious. Something may look right to you but actually be wrong. This is why I take the initiative to train myself and build relationships with senior team members, so as to get through the learning curve as quickly as possible. Someties you have to sacrfice your personal time in the pursuit of excellence. I have a commitment to excellence.
UNDERPROMISE and OVERDELIVER. …….. don’t just COMMUNICATE, but BUILD RELATIONSHIPS. … WHY is the most valuable question because it gives us deep understanding of a process, and allows us to find root causes of problems. However we must never lose sight of business needs, and understand when the question of why becomes an expensive wild-goose chase.
Tough-mindedness, grit, determination. I used to struggle at this but I soon improved this deficit. You need to be determined and focused on a goal, and sometimes this involves telling the client bad news they don’t want to hear. It’s better to not candy-coat this. Just be honest. Honesty is the best policy. Also realize that this is a BUSINESS NOT A CHARITY. Constantly giving large discounts will indeed make clients VERY happy, but it’s simply not sustainable for the company.

I am very happy to take as many assessments and skill tests as possible to help you determine best fit, and also to demonstrate my problem-solving and communication skills. Please give me some business problem simulations and I will gladly discuss my thought process in approaching these problems.
I am very skilled at taking a detective’s mindset. Solving problems and thinking like Sherlock Holmes. Looking at all pieces of potential evidence and putting together a timeline. Distinguishing causation from mere corrolation. Figuring out what is relevant and what is not. And doing all this quickly so as not to waste clients time or my company’s time. Think like a DETECTIVE, and operate like a SURGEON.
Sometimes it’s better to give 99% to every case or client rather than to give 120% to every case. Assuming that you would be the only one to notice that extra 21%, and that your client would be no less satisfied with 99%. In our global 24/7 world, speed is more important than ever before. We must maintain high standards of quality, but we have to appreciate that speed is every bit as valuable as quality, and it often is not worth it to sacrifice speed for a marginal improvement in quality.

You have to UNDERSTAND something in order to EXPLAIN it to confused clients. For this reason, it is very important to understand your products and procedures as fully and quickly as possible, and I am very willing to sacrifice the personal time in order to independently self-train on these items. This is a standard expectation and responsibility of any LEARNING POSITION!!!!! You have to be willing to put in that time.
What is the difference between a good agent from a great agent? Is there any kind of intranet, knowledge base, caseload management, CRM, ERP which is available outside of the office for self-study purposes? May I get access to a VPN so I can study company resources from home?
I have EXCELLENT attendance. I always report to work early and very often stay late. I am the complete opposite of a CLOCKWATCHER. If I have to stay late in order to get the job done, I will be a team player, and complete the job. However I am very conscious of overtime costs and will not clock more than 40 hours unless specifically directed by my supervisor.
I go above and beyond to meet any and all quality metrics. There is always room for improvement and I like the challenge of improving all the metrics on my scorecard.
I treat EVERYBOD Y with the Golden Rule. So simple, yet so valuable. There’s no need to take a bad attitude out on other people, and there’s no reason to take other people’s bad attitude personally. Just let it roll off you like water off a duck’s back.

Ideally I am looking for 12 to 15 dollars an hour, but very negotiable. Ideally I am looking for 1st shift first, second shift second. Ideally I am not the best fit for a Call Center.
Ideally I am looking for something within 10-15 miles from city, zip. I do have reliable transportation.

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then you bring that into the interview and have it in front of you. that’s pretty good huh. if I can emphasize all those points.

Uhhh you know what, I might allow a TWO sheeter if your one sheeter is like size 7 or 6 font, thats SO small you can barely read it. so just crank up the font until your one sheeter is now 2 sheets. might do that with the above one.

anyway yeah what happened is just SAD. I embarrassed myself and pushed away a decent person. but she could have done a little bit more tho. but that doesnt make her a dirty slut. she was overwhelmed. I was overwhelmed AS FOOK. shit i was overwhelmed TOO. and what resulted was just SAD. almost sadder than a DEATH. death makes SENSE and give Closure compared to this. Yep in a way its worse than death hahaha. cuz were both still alive. she is living her life and just wants to be done with me and i am living my life and I wish she was still in it, muh life was better with her in it and then she just left wawawawawaw. well she didnt just leave, i made her leave. i pushed her away hahahahaha.

its just so SAD. the SADDEST ending of a rel ever. cuz we had a real rel AND she was a really good person AND it ended in a sad horrible way.

its not like we never knew each other, like with the other sluts; its not like she was a slut, like those sluts.

its just SAAAAAADDDDDDDDDDD as fook.  the whole situation is sad. I am sad hahaha. i think about it and get sad. so dont think about it hahahahaha. easier said than done. when you lose a great person you didnt want to lose.

i mean what she did is not good……but plenty of people do A LOT worse. like cheating. cheating is SO common and its SO many times worse.

also stuff like manipulation and narcissism. very common, and also very worse.

lots of people have trouble being courageous. i do too. i am a coward too.

so i cant really BLAME her. i CAN wish she acted a little better though.

I wish I acted a little better too though! I’m really a decent person I swear! I dont do bad things like cheating, narcissism, manipulation, entitlement!!!!! I just am like the cowardly lion, I wish I had more courage to deal with things STRAIGHT UP.

she’s not a bad person, I’m not a bad person, we were technically really good for each other, we got along really well, but she just didnt have special feelings. and i went crazy and i pushed her and she went crazy and it was a very sad ending to a very beautiful, special, important relationship. how am I ever going to find something taht special again. I wish she had just chosen me hahaha. woke up to what a good thing it would be. we could be really good to each other.

so SAD. I would much rather be MAD than SAD. saddest “breakup” of muh life.

gotta shave beard clean off tomorrow, babyface. that is gonna be interesting.